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proxylynn · 4 years ago

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Underfell: File Name not Edgy Enough #27

Chapter 27: Burden

WARNING: I WANT NO RESPONSIBILITY OVER SPOILING THINGS FOR OTHERS. THAT BEING SAID, THIS IS HOW FILE NAME NOT FOUND WOULD FUNCTION IN THE AU OF UNDERFELL. BEFORE YOU READ THIS, UNLIKE THE NICE TIME OF UNDERTALE, THIS WORLD IS KILL OR BE KILLED. THIS STORY WILL BE GRAPHIC, GORY, USE SWEARS LIKE NOBODY'S BUSINESS, AND DEAL WITH SENSITIVE SUBJECT MATTERS. FOR EXAMPLE, THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE READ THE FILE NAME RELOCATED SPOOF WILL KNOW HOW I PICTURE THIS VERSION OF LYNSIE COMING TO THE UNDERGROUND. IT IS NOT AN ACCIDENT. IT IS NOT BECAUSE OF SOMETHING DUMB. IT IS BECAUSE SHE CHOOSES TO END HER LIFE. SO TAKE THIS WITH A GRAIN OF SALT. I MADE IT BECAUSE I NEEDED TO LET SOME OF THIS EDGINESS OUT OF MYSELF. WHICH I GUESS MAKES UNDERFELL LYNSIE EVEN MORE TRUE TO WHO I REALLY AM. ANYWAY, ENJOY. ^_^

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[A quick recap]

My melancholy blinds me to my current surroundings. I only come out of it once a spotlight hits me.

"The hell...?"

Things look funny. No doubt it's a setup by Mettaton. But I'm unsure what this act is. I mean, it looks like a receptionist's waiting room. A desk and some random chairs.

"GOOD EVENING, LADIES AND GENTS...!"

Mettaton zips in wearing a red suit and shoves me in a chair as he takes center stage.

"FIRST AND FOREMOST, WE HERE AT MTTTV WOULD LIKE TO APOLOGIZE FOR THE LACK OF ME OVER THE COURSE OF THE PROGRAM. DUE TO THE LACK PREP WORK WITH MY COSTAR HERE, WE SADLY HAD TO FORGO A THRILLING ACT BACK IN LEVEL TWO INVOLVING HUNDREDS OF EXPLOSIVES!!"

I so freaking called it. I should let him have his moment...Nah!

"I thought you said that act was shit anyway?"

He extends an arm to cover my mouth.

"FORGIVE HER. SHE'S LOST A LOT OF BLOOD AND NOT ALL THERE MENTALLY."

I leer at him flatly.

"BUT...DARLING HERE IS GOING TO MAKE AMENDS WITH US ALL RIGHT NOW. IT'S TIME TO ANSWER SOME BURNING QUESTIONS."

I'm so confused as he lets go and leaps onto the desk, posing dramatically.

"IT'S TIME FOR..."

A large neon sign shaped like him drops from the ceiling.

"BURNING THE MIDNIGHT OIL WITH A KILLER ROBOT! THE LATE NIGHT TALK SHOW HOSTED BY YOURS TRULY."

Huh. Not a bad title.

"I thought you were working on a courtroom trial program?"

He scoots to now sit behind the desk.

"UNFORTUNATELY, WHILE I DO HAVE THE FUNDS, I DON'T HAVE AVAILABLE WORKERS TO MAKE SUCH A SET. SO...WE'RE DOING THIS INSTEAD."

"Heh...Must be hard to meet your expectations."

"DARLING, YOU HAVE NO IDEA."

A tense dramatic score plays.

"SO, DARLING...ARE YOU READY TO TELL ME EVERYTHING?"

Ah. I see now. Fine, Metta, have it your way. Just be careful what you wish for. You may not like it. Now don't get me wrong. I know my limits. I'm not about to tell him EVERYTHING. I'm not that stupid. But if he wants truth, he's going to get a version that's missing some characters and other junk.

"As you wish. You wanna know the truth? You want to scar the entire Underground? Sure. Why not. What else do I have to lose at this point since you exposed me? So congratulations! I hope you like the prize you've been longing to get. Because I sure as hell don't."

Let the show commence.

[Now our featured presentation]

"RIIIIGHT...ANYWAY...WHY NOT INTRODUCE YOURSELF. LET THE UNDERGROUND KNOW JUST A BIT ABOUT YOU."

I wave with a stupid grin to where I think a camera is.

"Howdy, monsters of the Underground. My name is Lynsie. Last I checked, I'm 5'8'', twenty eights years old, born November 7th, am a Scorpio, blood type A+, and enjoy long naps by the beach."

Am I introducing myself or recording a dumb dating profile video?

Mettaton whips out some cards from his desk.

"REALLY? YOU'RE THAT OLD? HUH."

"Yeah. Why?"

"YOU LOOK OLDER THAN THAT."

I sneer.

"It's the raccoon eyes. Insomnia is a hell of a slap to the face."

"THAT ASIDE...HOW ARE YOU FEELING? YOU'VE BEEN THROUGH A LOT SINCE THIS PROGRAM STARTED."

"I'm grateful to have this reprieve. It's nice to not be flung into fight after fight for a moment. I don't like fighting. I'd much rather avoid any conflict if able."

"SUCH A KIND GIRL. ARE ALL HUMANS THESE DAYS LIKE YOU?"

I eye him funny.

"WHAT?"

"Do mean 'kind' or 'stupid'? Because every monster has called me a fool for being nice."

"STUPID IS A STRONG WORD. NAIVE IS MORE LIKE IT."

I rumble lowly in my seat.

"But...To answer you properly, no. Not all humans are like me. Or...I'm not like most humans."

"OOOOH~, SUCH AN AMBIGUOUS ANSWER. FINE THEN, IF YOU'RE GOING TO BE LIKE THAT, I'LL HAVE TO BE MORE BLUNT IN MY QUESTIONS. LET'S SEE..."

He flips through some of his cards.

"OH! HERE'S ONE...HOW DID YOU COME TO FIND YOURSELF IN THE UNDERGROUND?"

Blunt? I'll give you blunt.

"Easy. I tried to kill myself."

[SNOWDIN: Skeleton House in present time]

The mood in the room sours as the human continues.

"Yep. You see, Mt. Ebott has a reputation, a legend dating back lord knows how long, that those who climb the mountain never return. This has made it a popular place to die. Not as bad as the literal 'Suicide Forest' of Japan, but it does the job okay."

Mettaton's screen blacks out.

"Don't give me that look. You wanted this. You wanted the truth. So take it. Take the blunt no holds bar truth of the matter. And you know what else? It wasn't the first time either. I can think of at least five other attempts. Each more pathetic than the last. But, if memory serves me right, I do believe my very first try was when I was still so very small. Somewhere around age six to eight. I had learned that apple seeds contain cyanide, a very toxic poison. Of course, there's not a heck of a lot in a single seed, but if you ingest a lot...well...Kid me didn't know how many were needed. Just that it was deadly. As you can see, I didn't have enough and I didn't try that form of suicide again. I don't try the same kind twice. I'm too fearful of messing things up the second time. What if it only partly works and I end up surviving? Heh...Trying to end it all only to live but in even worse condition? The irony would be such a hilarious joke. Then again, that's my life in a nutshell. One big cruel unrelenting joke."

Toriel's eyes water. She knew her child had her demons, but she knew not just how far back they spawned. Mettaton's screen relights.

"I...I WASN'T EXPECTING..."

"Yeah, no one does. No one expects me to be so dark. But what can I say? I do a damn good job hiding it."

"BUT...WHY THOUGH? WHAT WOULD MAKE A CHILD THAT BENT ON KILLING THEMSELVES?"

She takes a deep breath and lounges back in her chair.

"You ever feel guilty for something? Something you have no idea why you should feel that way for but you just do?"

She runs her hands over her face.

"I don't remember why I asked her that question. Maybe I was just morbidly curious. I knew my siblings were unexpected pregnancies. The eldest never came to be, so whether it was a boy or girl is forever unknown. My brother came about in the randomness of my mom hooking up with my dad. She married my dad because, well, she did like him but also so that he wouldn't be deported once his school visa ran out. He and his family escaped their homeland to start a new life...but did so illegally. Even on the surface, there's no true freedom. Four years into the marriage, I was born. Things only seemed to spiral from there. Dad would stay out drinking. Mom would be pissed. Bro and I would hide in my room and try to keep the fighting out. Mom gave up on him, someone else charmed her heart and would later be the father of my sister. Eight years into this world and they divorce and months later sis is born. She was unknown and with how old mom was at the time, she now suffers from spontaneous seizures."

The girl looks up in thought.

"So a few years ago, I asked mom...Was I unplanned like they were? Was I another surprise baby?"

She looks back down, her face holding a more cold expression.

"No, she told me. You were the only planned one. ...I should've stopped there. *sigh* I then asked...Why? She answered..."

Emotion leaves her.

"We had you in the hopes that you'd fix our marriage."

Silence. Dead silence.

"So much pressure. And to put that on a babe? How was I supposed to solve your problems? How is it my fault you couldn't stand each other when things got rough?! How is a kid supposed to make sure you don't start taking drugs and acquire sixteen felonies?! How is it my job to make sure you don't regret loving someone else?! How is that fair?! Why not take some fucking responsibility for once in your god damn life?!"

She becomes irate, grabbing one of the chairs and beating it into another one till both are useless before ending with a guttural roar that pains the throat in its harshness.

Toriel recalls similar words from her not long after they became close and she found her.

"Child? You're trembling. Is everything all right? Child, please. Just speak to me. Tell me what's wrong."

"I hate you! I hate all of you! You fucking pieces of shit! Why?! Why is it so hard for any of you to care?! I've been missing for days or weeks and none of you care! *sobs* Did you ever love me?! Why did you even bother having me if you don't even care that I'm gone?! *bawling* Why? Why? Someone tell me why...please..."

"I know this isn't the most pleasant of times to ask...But since we've come to know more about each other, I have been curious about something. The humans that fall down here...They tend to not fall down for the happiest of reasons. If it is not too painful...Can you share with me your reason? What made you come to a cursed mountain where none ever return from?"

"*hard sniffling* They used to care. I used to know what it was like to know others cared. I can't remember when they started to pull away. When I became invisible. I just want to know why. Was it something I did? Did I do something wrong? Did I not make them proud? I thought I did everything right. I was a good girl. *voice cracking* I'm a good girl. Aren't I?"

Even Grillby had memories of such talk pop into his head.

"You are an amazing person. You live in his cold place and open this bar to every sad face willing to cast aside their mean spirits for spirits of another kind. You put up with a lot of nonsense, a good bit came from me today, and I'm sorry about that."

"Where is all this coming from?"

"I'm not done. You have been nothing but nice to me. And doing that isn't easy in this world we live in. Since meeting you, you've shown me more kindness than I got from my own family, and this is only our second meeting. Heh, how pathetic is that? I fell into the Underground trying to die, only to end up wanting to live because of the few that showed me any decency. And for that, I give you my thanks."

"Pussycat?"

"I don't know if it was the punch or I'm just in a weird mood. I'm probably making things awkward. No one wants to hear someone ramble about lame junk when at a bar. This is a place people go to forget things. I know I've got a lot I want to forget. Like the three or four times I ran away from home but never had a plan and always had the cops take me back. Or the time I cussed out my grandma because I thought she lost my dog when it turned out my mom had dumped the pup at a shelter and told me it escaped. Or the suicide attempts..."

"Attempts?"

"Oh yeah, there was more than one. Hard to believe, but I'm a very sad person. No, that's being too nice. Depressed is more accurate. 90% of the smiles you see me do are fake. Just part of the mask I wear to hide how truly miserable I really am."

"God, I hate myself. I'm a sad pathetic mess."

Sans now gets a clearer picture of the baggage weighing on her.

"oh! and don't forget, you're making dinner. pap only let that slide because you were practically dead. so don't get any ideas thinking you can get out of it."

"Did you just really say that?!"

"the hell is your problem?"

"Did you really just insinuate she'd harm herself?"

"i dunno...maybe?"

"You can't say that kind of stuff to her!"

"why not?"

"You...You don't know how she came to the Underground, do you?"

"she told me that she fell."

"I'm not comfortable telling you this, seeing as she hasn't and I don't think it's my place, but I can't let you say idiotic things like that."

"okay, weed, you have intrigued me. if she didn't fall, then how did she get here?"

"Well...Falling is how she came to the Underground. But...She didn't fall from an accident."

"you're telling me she..."

"She fell on purpose. She...was trying to die. I don't know about her life on the surface. She doesn't tell anyone about that stuff, not even Mom. But I have been with her since the start and I can tell...Under all that toughness and pass the goofy dork innards...She's very sad deep down."

And that moment that recently happened at Grilbby's.

"enough with the act! you act all calm, with your little quips and remarks. making you look so well put together. but i know better. i know you're just as messed up as the rest of us. so why don't you get off your high horse and get out of my life!"

"You're right. This is an act. Every day, I wake up and I pretend to be this way. To play this role of the girl that never gives in and can smile through it all. I put on my mask and face this world as best that I can. But inside I'm dying. I'm being crushed by insecurities, doubt, depression, and so much negativity that I let myself fall into a pit hoping for the sweet embrace of death. I have attempted to end my life a good handful of times. Each more pathetic than the last. Even now, I'm just a few triggers shy of crumbling into a blubbering mass of tears. Yet there are few things that keep me from doing those bad things now that I'm here. And if putting on this act keeps me in, relative, ease...Then yeah. I'm gonna pretend my ass off that all is fine with me. Because I'm a fucking moron that is too afraid to open up to those closest to me and ask for help!"

Papyrus, of course, takes all this in as vital information he could use against the human. Her emotional and mental instability can be used to manipulate her. Grooming her to be more obedient to his will.

"I'm sorry."

"DAMN RIGHT YOU'RE SORRY."

"No...I mean, I'm sorry for earlier. It was wrong for me to hit you. You just...*sigh* How do I say this without sound like a dweeb?"

"JUST...SAY WHAT YOU WANT TO SAY. DON'T ALTER YOUR WORDS. THEY LOSE IMPACT THAT WAY."

"If that's true, then don't make a big deal out of this."

"W-WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"

"I am an emotional wreck and going through so much internal bullshit that it ain't funny. So know that the stupid things I'm about to say are true because this is making me feel very vulnerable and uncomfortable which I think you feel too."

By now the human was breathing heavily over the shattered remains of once recognizable objects, slowly regaining her composure. She stares at the mess for some time. Mettaton doesn't even try to do anything that could get her attention while in such a state. Eventually, she drops the bits in her hands and takes a seat in the chair she spared. Slumping in remorse and holding her face.

"I'm sorry. That...That was shameful. I'll pay you back for the damage."

"DO YOU NEED A MOMENT?"

She rubs her eyes of faint moisture.

"N-No...No. I'm fine. That...That was just a moment of venting weakness. I normally cry this crap out of my system. But...I'm so sick of crying. Yet...That felt good though. So much pent-up bullshit I don't or can't let out was just dropped like weights off my back. ...Does this count as therapy? Because this feels better than that child physiologist mom sent me to after I ran away...the first time."

"SOUND LIKE YOU DON'T CARE FOR YOUR PARENTS."

"You'd think that, but no. Don't get me wrong. I love my parents. They could've been far worse even with the flaws I've mentioned. Dad never missed work and made sure bills could be paid. Mom always made sure we could eat even if it meant she didn't and often broke the law to do so."

Her head lolls back as she lounges.

"It's easier to dwell in the negatives than the positives growing up. It can make for a bitter soul. This is just the tip of a massive iceberg, there is so much more crap hidden below. But now is neither the time nor place to dive deeper into those murky waters. I'll drown if I stay under too long. *sigh* I don't hate them for the life they brought me into. I'm just...disappointed. Disappointed by the choices they made and things they expected to get from them. Disappointed in myself for allowing all that to have so much of a hold on me. Disappointed...So very disappointed...*long drawn out groan* Could we please leave the personal questions for now?"

"VERY WELL."

He flips through the cards.

"YOU'VE BEEN IN THE UNDERGROUND FOR SOME TIME NOW. HOW HAS THAT BEEN? WHAT IS IT LIKE TO BE A HUMAN AMONG MONSTERS?"

This gets their attention. The human knows better than to tell all. But she's so far been extremely open. They hoped she was of sound mind enough to remember to keep some secrets.

"Even after all the attempted murder...I prefer monsters to humans. Because at least once the fighting is over, things can be somewhat normal. It's like 'hey, I know I just tried to kill you, but do you wanna maybe hang out for a bit?' and then that happens. It blows my mind how there's no animosity or spite afterward. After Humans fight with each other there's no calm, no peace of it being over, hell, a war might break out if it was bad enough. You never know how bad someone feels after and if the grudge they carry will make them go to extreme measures to make them feel better. Well...Except for the Irish. Those lads can tussle and then be all chummy after like it was a bonding experience. Nice folk. Always fancied them. Heh...Kinda like Monsters. A tough outside but nice inside. Maybe that's one of the reasons they were persecuted too. ...God, my kind is trash. All it knows is hate. We even hate ourselves. And one day...That hate will be the end of us."

She moves some hair from her face. A small smile coming to her.

"Moments like this...It's nice. Brief pauses of reflection and repose. Typically I end up doing this kind of thing in my head or I talk to myself. Funny how that works, the mind I mean. It is a self-aware entity in itself that can be both you and not you at the same time yet won't confuse itself by doing so. Probably why the imagination is such vital part of it. *pause* Heh...My bad. Lost myself for a moment. Back on point...Sure, this all began with you nearly killing me and it's probably just leading up to something else. Something good or bad. Yet till that happens...This is nice."

"SPEAKING OF NICE...YOUR LV HASN'T GONE UP FROM ITS BASE LEVEL. WE'VE SEEN YOU GO INTO FIGHTS, SO IT'S NOT THAT YOU'VE AVOIDED THEM COMPLETELY."

"As I've said...I don't like fighting."

"YOU MUST BE AWARE THAT PACIFISUM IS NOT A RECOMMENDED OR AN EASY THING TO DO IN THE UNDERGROUND. IS IT HARD BEING NICE FOR YOU DOWN HERE?"

"Is it hard for a fish to swim or bird to fly? Nice is my default. I don't have it in me to be genuinely mean. I can be rude or even a bitch, but that's only if that was how I was treated first. The real hard part about it is getting others to understand this niceness is real. Some pick it up with no trouble. But others are difficult. Going so far as to think I'm trying to lull them into a false sense of safety as part of an evil human trap. Can you believe that?"

Sans eyes Papyrus who rolls his sockets at his brother, both knowing damn well she meant him.

"EVEN SO, HAS THERE BEEN A TIME WHERE YOU WANTED TO FIGHT BACK? SURELY EVEN I PROBABLY INCURRED SOME IRE FROM YOU?"

She looks at the mechanical machination with a mix of confusion and annoyance.

"Ire is a strong word. True, I'm not happy about this situation. Exposing me for ratings. One of your goons bashing me over the head. The creepy stalking behavior by watching me through cameras. The needless puzzles and fighting. All of it wasn't necessary."

"I DISAGREE. EVERY BIT WAS COMPLETELY NECESSARY."

"Bull crap."

"NOW NOW, LET ME EXPLAIN. REGARDLESS OF YOUR INTENTIONS, YOU HAVE TO AGREE THAT YOU BEING HUMAN DOES CALL FOR CERTAIN MEASURES TO BE TAKEN. HUMANS DEAL PHYSICAL DAMAGE AND MONSTERS ARE WEAK TO SUCH ATTACKS."

"I know that. Get to your point, Metta."

"MY POINT? VERY WELL. MY DATABASE CONTAINS THE COLLECTED INFORMATION WE'VE GATHERED FROM THE PREVIOUS HUMANS THAT CAME BEFORE YOU. EACH WEAKER AND WEAKER AS TIME PASSED. YOU, ON THE OTHER HAND, HAVE BEEN DISPLAYING STRANGE ABILITIES..."

A monitor comes down, displaying the human in her earlier distress and giving off that strange energy.

"NOT TO MENTION YOUR SOUL HAS BEEN CHANGING IT'S COLOR WITHOUT MAGIC INFLUENCE."

The monitor shows the many different colors her soul was throughout the show.

"SO, DARLING, AS YOU CAN SEE EVERYTHING HAS BEEN COMPLETELY NECESSARY. EVERY LITTLE OBSTACLE ALLOWED FOR MORE OF YOUR UNKNOWNS TO BE REVEALED. HOWEVER..."

The monitor goes back up.

"I GET THE FEELING YOU'RE STILL HIDING SOMETHING."

She glares at the robot.

"I repeat, this wasn't necessary. All you needed to do was ask."

She sits up straight and focuses. Her soul emerges...it is a deep dull blue.

"I don't know everything. Seeing as this whole 'soul' thing isn't known on the surface anymore. To use now, the soul is an intangible thing. It leaves when we die and does whatever since no one truly knows what happens after death. But...I do know my soul isn't normal. Not normal from what I've learned here anyway. I possess ten traits for which my soul can become."

Shock smacks them. Even Mettaton spits oil from some port.

"T-TEN?!"

She nods.

"Ten traits. Ten colors. Nine of which are completely fine."

Her breathing falters as she concentrates harder, forcing the soul to change color to her will.

"Blue, integrity. Cyan, patience. Green, kindness. Pink, passion. Purple, perseverance. Orange, bravery. Red, determination. Yellow, justice. White, hope. ...These are my main traits. The nine that make up my core personality. Yet...There is one, the last one, that I will not show you. No matter what."

A question mark appears on Mettaton's screen. Toriel and Sans know full well which one she means.

"WON'T SHOW? HOW COME?"

"That soul is too dangerous. One that I can't control. The black soul of relentlessness."

Papyrus sockets widen. Sans wasn't making it up after all.

"IF YOU TRULY EXPECT ME TO BUY INTO THIS BLACK SOUL NONSENSE THAN YOU BETTER FIND A WAY TO PROVE TO ME THAT IT'S REAL!"

"and how do you expect me to do that? have it triggered and let her kill half the town?"

"OF COURSE NOT! SHE'D NEVER GET THAT FAR INTO SUCH A SPREE ONCE I SLAY HER."

"YOU DON'T THINK I CAN KILL HER?"

"her? sure, you'd kill her no problem. she'd probably let you do it if things got really bad. but the black soul? that's a different story all together."

"YOU TALK AS THOUGH YOU'VE SEEN THIS 'BLACK SOUL' IN ACTION."

"..."

"YOU HAVE, HAVEN'T YOU?"

"that thing isn't something you want to mess with. don't go after something you can't handle."

"YOU DARE THINK THAT PITIFUL CREATURE CAN HARM ME?!"

"no! i don't think it would harm you! i know it would kill you!"

"I have no will over that trait. It consumes me utterly. Coldly targeting anything and everything as a threat, then calculatingly eliminating victims brutally with no remorse by any means. Pain doesn't phase it. It has no fear. But I do. I fear this soul. I fear becoming that...that thing. That beast."

The robot's screen blips.

"YOU MAKE IT SOUND TERRIBLE. IF IT'S AS BAD AS YOU SAY, HOW HASN'T YOUR LV INCREASED? SURELY A MURDEROUS SOUL LIKE THAT WOULD HAVE A BODY COUNT ATTACHED TO IT?"

"I have thankfully been taken out of that state when it happens. My brother down here, the flower you may have seen me with, he's the one that saves me. I don't know how he does it as I only barely register what happens when the Black Soul is in control. But it's one of the reasons why we stay together. He doesn't want to die and I don't want to hurt anyone, so it's a good deal for us both."

"AND DO YOU KNOW WHAT TRIGGERS SUCH A STATE TO HAPPEN?"

"I'm not 100% sure but I have a theory. The worst of times. Moments when I lose all hope or can't take the pain. Mentally and/or physically. It takes over when I can't deal with things. And I guess it tries to 'solve' the problem...by getting rid of it."

Her demeanor is becoming more unsettled as she continues.

"I...I normally am unwilling to share this information. I don't like being personal with strangers. But since this is a live broadcast, and I've basically torn open a can of worms full of my emo baggage, I want this to be known. I need others to understand the danger. Because you all seem to view me as an easy kill. The dumb nice human that doesn't fight back. It'll be easy to get her soul. Hell, if it weren't for the black trait, I'd have given this thing to you guys ages ago. But it's not worth it. There's no point going to the surface, otherwise I'd be more inclined to leave and be subjected to the crap I deal with. And trust me...You don't want to know what I deal with."

Her eyes get dark and her expression serious to the point it's unnerving.

"The death that can possibly happen if the black soul activates and isn't stopped could be limitless. As the bearer of this curse, I remain here. Not because I see less harm if it triggers around monster, hell no. I trust my death to you because I have faith in monster kind being able to handle it. It's because I don't want to risk it being weaponized by humanity. Magic...REAL magic like this is gone from the surface. If it were to be discovered now...Magic will be coveted like any other valuable resource. Blood and dust will be spilled over ownership. The experiments to find a better means of harvesting it, the torture, the suffering, the endless cycle of hate feeding upon the lack of morality. I have no doubt monsters wouldn't even be seen as people. We've done it to different creeds of humanity throughout history, hell we still do it. I...I don't want that for Monsters. Part of me is saying I'm overthinking it, but I can't that optimistic side of me knowing all the fucked up shit Humans do. I don't want you guys to suffer. I don't want to cause harm. I don't want to see any more death! Please!!"

Her eyes are watering and her body trembling.

"I...I-I hate this feeling. This h-helplessness. I'm caged. I'm useless. I'm nothing on the surface. I'm a danger underground. I'm my own worst enemy and I don't know how to fight. *struggling* Why? Why didn't the fall kill me? Why can't I just die? Why am I so weak? I can't even bleed to death!"

She's a mess, weeping into her gloved hands. But Mettaton dismisses this display and keeps going.

"WEAK? YOU SELL YOURSELF SHORT. CLAWING INTO YOUR OWN BODY ISN'T A VERY WEAK THING AT ALL. COME TO THINK OF IT...IN YOUR ENCOUNTER WITH MUFFET, YOU TOLD HER WHY YOU DID IT. CARE TO EXPLAIN WHAT YOU MEANT?"

A recording is played.

["I have just spent an ungodly amount of time trapped in that elevator over there having my soul violated by people that don't even exist anymore on this plane of reality. I have clawed my skin off to stop feeling their hands on me."]

Her face has the look of someone biting their tongue fairly hard to stay in control.

"What's to explain? I meant what I said and said what I meant."

"YOU'RE AVOIDING THE QUESTION, DARLING."

"No. You're refusing the answer."

"YOU SAID YOU'D TELL THE TRUTH!"

"I am!"

Agitation mounts.

"BULLSHIT! HOW THE HELL CAN ANYONE BELIEVE THAT?"

"I don't give a crap if you believe me or not! You weren't the one there!"

"JUST TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED!"

"It doesn't matter! You can't do anything about it! No one can! You can't stop people that break the laws of reality!"

Sans didn't like what he was hearing. And none of them liked that her still exposed soul was sparking with that strange energy.

"THERE ARE NO PEOPLE LIKE THAT!"

"How would you know?!"

"IF EVEN A FLY FARTS ANYWHERE IN THE UNDERGROUND, I KNOW ABOUT IT. IF ANYONE WITH ABILITIES LIKE THAT WERE HERE, THEY WOULDN'T BE UNKNOWN FOR VERY LONG."

"Did you not hear my words? They don't even exist anymore on this plane of reality! You can't find people that are outside time and space, you fucking idiot!"

"I'M THE IDIOT?! DO YOU NOT HEAR YOURSELF?! OUTSIDE TIME AND SPACE?! YOU CAN'T EVEN MAKE A CONVINCING LIE!"

"I'm not lying, you insufferable ego-maniacal narcissistic jackass!"

"TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED!!"

"I did! Accept the fact there is shit in life you can't fathom or comprehend yet is true! Like Bigfoot, life on other planets, or stigmata! Unexplained phenomenons are the backbones of reality! Deal with it!"

"THAT'S NOT AN UNEXPLAINED PHENOMENON! THAT'S A PURE IMPROBABLE IMMPOSSIBLITY!"

"By who's rule?! Are you God?! Do you know every infallible law the universe runs on?! No! You know nothing! No one does! So stop digging for shit that isn't there before something bad happens!"

"THEN GIVE ME A REAL ANSWER!"

"Stop...Please stop!"

"DARLING..."

"I s̷ái͟d͝ s̷t̢̛o̧͘p̀͟!̵̕͜!̧"

A surge of energy bursts from her soul, the flash whites out the screen and hurts the eyes. While blinded they all can hear the garbled sounds of pain and the sudden thud of weight hitting the floor. Their sight comes back to see the human writhing on the ground and gripping her soul, teeth bared in restrained growling.

"DARLING?"

She struggles to make her body move. Just slightly getting her head off the floor.

"Th͜i͞s͠...͜T́h̴i̵s̸ ̛įs ̕y̕our ̛f́aul͝t͏..̢.̴I͜ ͟a͡ske͝d ͠y̕o͏u t̷o͜ ͜s̛top..̢.̵"

The energy courses from her soul over her form, a brighter than normal light emanates from her clutched soul. She weakly pulls herself up to be supported by her free arm and the reason for the light is made clear, a crack has marred her soul. But that is far from the worst part. Sans spots it before Toriel but she's the one that points it out.

"Oh no!"

"What's wrong?"

"The darkness!"

Indeed. Black began to appear in the human's heart. The darkness corrupting the white light and faintly leaking out of the crack. The girl feels this. Panic flashes in her eyes but she's in no condition to handle so much on top of what has already happened.

"Wh̸en̢ wil̡l҉ ̛yo͡u̶ le͘ar͜n.͞..̡Y͘ou ̴fuc̀kín͜g id̴iot.̸..W͢hén wil̡l yoų ́a̶l̢l͜ léar͘n that͏ ̵y͘our act̵i҉o͞ns ͏ha͡v̛e ͘co͡n̴seq͘uenc͘e̶s͘?͘!"

The distortion. The off tone. The malice that seeped out. Perhaps it was enough proof for the automaton to believe her earlier words. For Mettaton seems to be distracted one second and then takes it all seriously the next. One of his hands snakes under his desk and the next thing to happen is the floor beneath the human opens up, dropping her into the unknown. Glitched roaring echoes as she plummets. A sickening crash leads into dead silence.

"WELL...THAT WAS INTERESTING."

His nonchalance about the whole thing is upsetting.

"SADLY, MY CO-STAR SEEMS TO BE HAVING A BIT OF TROUBLE. NOT EVERYONE CAN HANDLE THE STRESS OF BEING IN THE SPOTLIGHT, LIKE MOI."

His flamboyance is rubbing them the wrong way.

"HOWEVER, DESPITE HER TEMPER TANTRUM AND LACK OF COOPERATION, I WILL ASSURE YOU ALL SHE IS NOT DEAD. I MERELY GAVE HER THE SMALL BREAK THAT SHE CLEARLY NEEDED."

It's likely that the break involved her bones or some body part.

"BUT...I CAN GIVE YOU ALL SOMETHING TO LOOK FORWARD TO...THIS WAS THE LAST PRELEWD ACT. THE NEXT TIME YOU SEE US TOGETHER, IT WILL BE FOR THE MAIN EVENT. THE FINAL BATTLE APPROACHES, MY ENCOURAGABLE VIEWERS. DO NOT MISS OUT ON THIS HISTORICAL MAKE OR BREAK MOMENT."

The show shifts into a commercial break.

Toriel begins shaking. She can't deal with this much longer. Grillby does what he can to give her support, but he too has much on his mind. His pussycat unloaded a TON of things and a lot of it was incredibly concerning. Papyrus ushers his brother away from the other two as not to be overheard.

"SO...HOW LONG?"

Sans looks at him funny.

"uh...what?"

"HOW LONG WERE THE BOTH OF YOU GOING TO HIDE THIS PART OF THE SECRET FROM ME?"

"um...which part?"

"THAT POWER. SHE HAS TEN TRAITS, SANS. JUST HOW STRONG IS THAT GIRL?"

Sans scratches his skull.

"i honestly don't know, pap. i didn't even know she had that many. my main worry was always the black trait, so i never asked about others."

Papyrus folds his arms and shuts his eyes in thought.

"i swear, i ain't lying to ya."

"I KNOW YOU'RE NOT."

"then...what's wrong?"

"*HUFF* I DON'T LIKE THIS. I DON'T LIKE THE IDEA OF THAT WEAKLING BEING POWERFUL."

His eyes open but look at nothing.

"I SHOULD'VE KNOWN SOMETHING WAS OFF THAT NIGHT...THAT PUNCH...SHE WAS HOLDING BACK SO MUCH..."

Papyrus clenches his fists into tight balls of rage.

"THAT BITCH."

"ya know she didn't want to hurt ya."

"THAT'S THE THING. SHE THOUGHT SHE COULD HURT ME. HOW WEAK DOES SHE THINK I AM? THAT'S WHAT'S PISSING ME OFF MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW."

Sans sighs. One day his brother will taste humble pie and not like it.

[HOTLAND: LAB]

Undyne finishes off her sixth bowel of ramen and looks at Alphys.

"Well...That wasn't how I thought it was going to end. Was it really necessary to tell him to drop her?"

Alphys takes a few more notes and ponders.

"Would you rather there be no main event? Besides..."

She adjusts her glasses.

"If what the human said is true, then the Black Soul being triggered in an open area would result in mass casualties. The zone in which the ending will be shot in is, for the most part, closed and under my remote control. So even in the event of something going wrong, which the odds of such are highly unlikely, then any and all threats can be dealt with in an optimum manner."

Undyne nods.

"I guess that makes sense. Still...I don't what I saw. There was real fear in the human's eyes."

"Good. She should be afraid. She should be very afraid of what's to come."

"And what's that?"

"That would be spoilers."

"Damn it. *sigh* A human soul with ten traits...Sounds tough. I wanna fight it!"

"It does raise a lot of questions. One, in particular, is on my mind."

"What's that?"

"If a human soul, deprived of magic, possesses ten traits and begins gaining magic...What will happen when it attains 100% magic?"

A cold chill runs through the captain.

[HOTLAND: SOMEWHERE ON LEVEL 3]

I am getting so sick of this crap. Why can't I just die at this point?

"*muffled* Lynsie?"

The voice and light jostling is bringing me back to consciousness. Damn it. Here I go again.

My eyes weakly open to the sight of dirt and rock. Just an inch away from losing the ability to see. Like I need a handicap in all this.

"Lynsie? Are you okay?"

Ah, Flowey. It's about time we met back up.

"*groan* H-Hey, bro. I missed you."

He smiles sadly.

"Are you okay? Can you move?"

I roll over on my back and check myself.

[HP ██████████ 10/40]

[HEARTBREAK level ONE in effect]

I figured that's what happened. No wonder the Black Soul was triggering. Thank goodness for the fall knocking my ass out or things would've gone bad fast.

"I think I'll be okay. Sore, but okay. I'm sadly getting used to falling and possible brain damage."

My answer has him pout.

"What's with the face, bro? You know I'm a tough cookie. I'll be fine."

His face gets full of concern.

"I...I heard what you told Mettaton."

Yeah, you and the rest of the Underground.

"I...I understand now why you didn't talk about your past. Why you kept to yourself. I'm sorry."

God, he's too sweet for this place. I reach over and gently stroke his petals.

"I love you, bro. You have no idea how much it means to me that you care. But don't pity me. I do that enough on my own."

I wearily sit up, shaking my head of all that baggage I brought up for the show.

"I wasn't pitying you. It's just..."

He fiddles with his leaves in a shy way but I cut his words off.

"Bro, I get it. I do. It's the same feeling like when you told me your history. Yet, let's be honest here, you're more mentally mature than me and I'm still not completely okay after getting all that off my chest. We can talk more about it later after this ordeal is over. Maybe over mom's cheesecake? Deal?"

"...You mean it?"

"Yeah. I promise."

He smiles brightly.

"Okay. I'd like that."

I pick myself up and stretch, taking a look around at where we are.

"Don't tell me he dropped me back at the start."

"Nope. This is still Level Three. In fact...I do believe MTT Resort is just past this place."

"...For real? Is it a safe space?"

"Yep. There are shops and rooms to rest."

I hear a heavenly choir sing in my head.

"Finally! The universe throws me a decent bone!"

I regret saying that the moment it leaves my mouth. Flowey looks at me funny.

"Don't take that out of context, you know what I meant."

"I don't know. You and Smiley Trashbag are eerily close."

My eye twitches. Things I wish Gaster didn't show me try to pop into my head.

"Are you okay? You look like you're about to puke."

"Never insinuate something like that ever again."

He shakes his head at me. I try to change the subject before I have a heart attack on camera.

"So...Are you able to follow me to the resort? I'm sick of being separated."

"There's ground outside of it and parts I can reach beyond it, but the resort itself I can't get in without some sort of aid like a pot. Cement and tile flooring is a pain to break into."

"Damn, bro, you hella strong."

There's a deactivated reversed conveyor belt that's attached to the artificial platforms.

"Is it safe to cross? It's kinda giving me 'trap' vibes."

"You should be fine. This is normally the part where the colored tiles would be used again, but you know, stuff changed. It's probably off."

"Ah. Gotcha. I guess...See ya soon?"

"You bet."

He ducks into the ground so I take it as my time to leave this pit. The entire time I feel on edge. With my luck, the trap will turn on and I get screwed. Thankfully nothing happens apart from some jets of flame randomly going off in the distance and making me jump like a wuss. At least it got me to the stairs quicker.

After a quite the climb, I reach the top perturbed yet undaunted as a four-way crossroads greets me, though the two paths on the sides are blocked. More Royal Guards, a cat to the left and some kind of insect on the right, both in that imposing armor.

"Well if it isn't my best customer..."

The Ice Scream rabbit pops up from behind the cart I wasn't paying attention to.

"Fancy seeing you again."

As odd as seeing him here is, he's a familiar face that is a sight for my sore eyes. I approach.

"Hey, guy, what's up? Haven't been seeing you much in Snowdin Forest for a bit."

He leans on the cart like a cool guy.

"Yeah...Been moving around seeing if I can make mad gold somewhere where the weather isn't the same temp as my product."

"Any luck?"

"Waterfall wasn't so bad. Even started a new program with rewards cards. Turn in a card with ten punches and get a free doubling of your next order. Speaking of which..."

He reaches into his pants pocket and hands me a punch card. Some holes have already been made.

"If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have had the funds to get this far. So...Instead of starting your card full, I may have added your previous buys. Can't say I haven't gotten better at my wonderful salesmanship."

I can't help but smile. He's come a long way. I'm proud of him.

"Well then, wonderful salesman, I'd like to add some more holes please."

"Heh...sure. But I'm warning you, prices have gone up. 25G. Got to charge more here 'cause of the heat."

"Understood, my dude. Um...Just curious...Got fudge pops? Kinda have this hankering for something chocolate."

He shakes his head.

"Sold out. The Royal Guards bought those like crazy."

"Damn. Oh well. One blue, orange, grape, and blood. All bisicles."

He fills my order and I pay the 100G.

"Here you go. All five ready to enjoy."

I look at him funny.

"Five?"

"Yep. Five. I definitely didn't toss in a strawberry one because of customer loyalty. Nope. Didn't do it."

Must...resist...the urge...to HUG!!

"...Thank you. That...That means a lot."

He gives me a wink and I practically skip away up another set of stairs. I place the treats in my inventory for now. I know not what crap will happen from here, so healing items are a big help.

I am met by a large complex. Redbrick that's been tagged with graffiti, yellow-tinted windows with some broken, a gold MTT sign with two Mettaton images with devil horns, a black & white checkered awning over the door, two large plant potters that have dry withered flower remnants, and a blood-red or just stained that way rug embroidered with gold MTTs.

"Classy."

I'm about to head inside when something hits my leg. A paper airplane? I inspect it to find it's a note.

[Hey! Go up the creepy alleyway on the right for some great deals!]

"...I'm gonna get mugged, aren't I?"

It's against my better judgment, but this is a neutral zone, so I should be okay. I wearily creep around, following spray-painted arrows, to end up finding two girls gossiping among garbage. They notice me and straighten up.

"Hey! Check it out!"

"Yeah! Check it out!"

"So, like, what's up? I'm Bratty, and this is my best friend, Catty."

"I'm Catty, and this is my best friend, Bratty."

Oh no...More valley speak!?! Why is that a thing down here?!

Bratty is a tall, green alligator or crocodile monster that wears a primarily black shawl with yellow and red details on the sides. She has yellow hair that flows into curls and red lipstick.

Catty is a plump purple cat creature who wears a set of black overalls with yellow buttons and tufts of red fur with yellow highlighted tips coming out from under it on either side. She has black hair with a red streak in it and a yellow earring on her left ear.

"Uh...Hi? So...This is a shop?"

"Like, the best shop!"

"You should buy ALL our stuff!"

Catty gets this blanket out and opens it out to show me their items. They don't have much, just four things, but I can't turn away from these items.

[25G - Junk Food - Has a big bite out of it]

[350G - Rusty Revolver - Bullets NOT included]

[350G - Tattered Western Hat - ATTACK up when worn]

[600G - Mystery Key - Probably to someone's house LOL]

A gun...How the fuck is that here?

"Oooh! I know that look!"

"That's the look of some wanting something!"

"Bratty! We're gonna be rich!"

"Where did you find this stuff?"

"I mean, like, where does anyone get guns, or food, or..."

"We found it in the garbage!"

I so called it.

"It's GOOD garbage."

"It's like, really good garbage."

"Where do you get the garbage?"

"Like, the garbage store, duh!!! ...Waterfall mostly."

"I found a gun in a dumpster!"

I check my gold...I don't have anywhere close to 1,300G for their garbage.

"Um...Maybe we could work out some sort of arrangement?"

They glare.

"That's poor talk."

"You need WAY more money."

What I need is to get that stuff away from them. That stuff is bad enough with humans, I don't want monsters messing with crap like guns.

"Ladies, I'm sure there's something we can do. Shops run on trade. This is just a trade of a different kind. I can't give you the gold, but I can get you other things. There's gotta something you'd both want that I can fetch for you in exchange?"

They mull it over.

"Thanks, but we, like, don't really need anything."

"Oh my god, can you go get us some Dazzleburgers?"

"We don't. Really need. Anything."

"Wait! I'll pay you 1000G if you get Mettaton to autograph my butt!"

Catty seems to be the easier one here. Maybe I can work with this.

"While I do know the guy, I'm not sure I can get Metta to sign your butt."

"Damn."

"Wait...You know Mettaton?!"

Their eyes sparkle.

"...Yes?"

They squeal with fanatical glee.

"Oh my God. Mettaton."

"Oh my GOD, METTATON."

"He's like...My robot husband."

"Actually he's like...MY robot husband."

"I think we're like...both going to marry him."

"We're both like, ALREADY married to him. He just, like, doesn't know it yet."

They're insane.

"Okay...Can I ask what's a Razzburger? I could try to get that."

Their eyes widen in shock.

"You don't know what a Dazzleburger is?"

"Do you, like, live under a rock?"

Don't we all do since this is a mountain?

"Dazzleburgers are epic!"

"They're only sold in the resort."

Interesting.

"Inside huh? Let me guess...Very pricey."

Bratty nods.

"The stuff inside, is like..."

"TOTALLY wicked expensive."

"But, like, this stuff we found is like..."

"TOTALLY wicked cheap."

"You should..."

"Like..."

"TOTALLY wicked buy all of it?"

"Cheap? You're selling a random key for 600G!"

They giggle at me and I sigh. Bitches, man...bitches.

"So where inside am I gettin' them?"

"The MTT-Brand Burger Emporium."

"You have to get them from Bugerpants."

That name...That name brings back memories...as well as sore spots. Douche-cat...

"Burgerpants."

"Yeah, that guy from the store. Yuck, what a creep."

"Yeah! He's a creep! But he's kind of cute, too..."

"C'mon Catty, don't you have ANY standards?"

"Nope!!!"

...You need standers, Catty.

"Yeah, I met him. Not so much a creep but he is a massive prick."

"OK, like, the annoying thing is..."

"He'd be OK if he just treated us with some respect."

"But he just acts..."

"Really weird."

"And then acts like it's OUR fault he acts that way!"

"Like, when we asked him to get those Dazzleburgers..."

"He dropped them and ran away before we could even say anything!"

"We were, like, going to share them."

"Really? I wasn't."

"Catty!"

This zone is full of awful people.

"One last thing...How many you want?"

Catty waves her paws.

"So many! Enough to fill a dumpster!"

"The mega value pack should cover us."

I give Bratty a thumbs up and leave their shady establishment. Now I enter the main building and this time I'm greeted by someone for once. It's either very diamond-like or very origami-like, but above all, it's a tiny monster.

"Welcome to MTT Resort - Hotland's biggest apartment-building-turned-hotel! Whether you're here for a night or still live here, MTT Resort prides itself on a great stay! Just passing through...? Nice! MTT Resort prides itself on being passed through!"

"Interesting business model. Does it work?"

"Oh, indeed it does, human."

"You know what I am?"

"Oh yes! The staff has been informed of your coming and instructed on how to handle you upon arrival."

Oh god, what now?

"Over on your left, we have a dine-in restaurant complete with a stage which hosts a wide cast of live acts. Either comedy done by locals or Mettaton entertains when he isn't too busy."

"Neat."

"If you're feeling like you hate yourself, behind me is the MTT-Brand Burger Emporium, home of the Dazzleburger!"

Well, they know how fast food works.

"All further questions can be taken to my coworker behind the desk."

I scratch my head and shrug.

"Thanks."

I walk away and head for the other receptionist. It's not a bad-looking lobby at least. Red & yellow checkered tiles and the rug from outside continues forward into parts unknown. The obnoxious fountain of Mettaton is gaudy though. I reach the desk and the monster behind it is a weird one. It's blue and its head is a hand with very well manicured red nails.

"Yes, we know. The elevator music volume is super loud and the song is stuck on a three-second loop. We are working on it. Because of this incident, rooms are running at a special rate! 200G a room. Interested?"

Someone sounds grumpy.

"No thank you. I was told to come to you. I'm the human if that helps."

Their head fingers extend in alert.

"Oh! Sorry. I was instructed to inform you on where to go next."

"That would be helpful, yes."

It motions to where the rug is heading.

"If you follow the rug there, you'll be lead out back to the entrance of the CORE. Mettaton will be waiting for you at the top."

"Could I use the elevator instead? All this travel is exhausting."

"No can do. The elevator leads to the Capital and main residence of our people. You're not allowed to go there."

"Oh...That's fine. I didn't want to go there. Just trying to take shortcuts if able."

"*ahem* If you require a small rest, might I suggest renting a room?"

"I don't the gold, sorry."

"That's fine. Mettaton has pre-paid a room for you. One time only."

I'm stunned. Damn him! Why does he confuse me so much?! I want to like and hate him at the same time!

"Um...In that case, sure. Where are rooms?"

They motion again.

"Down the hall to the right."

I wait for them to give me a key or card but nothing is there except awkwardness.

"Is there a problem?"

"No...not really. But...uh...Isn't this the part you give me a room key?"

"What? Room...Key? No, we don't do that. If you leave your room, you'll have to pay again."

So if I enter I can't leave or else I'll have to pay? That's insane!

"On second thought, maybe later."

"Shame. Do let us know if you change your mind. Have a sparkular day!"

I'm getting the feeling they're being nice because they were told to be. Otherwise, I doubt I'd be given such a warm welcome. Oh well. Time to pay a certain someone a visit.

I stroll up to the emporium and find myself paused. I can go about this in many ways. The different choices and outcomes play out in my head super fast. After a few, I settle on something...something that'll leave an impression. I push the doors open. A digital bell sounds. I look at what appears to be a sadder version of McDonald's. And like a mindless corporate drone, he speaks while moping the floor before seeing "who" just walked in.

"Welcome to MTT-Brand Burger Emporium, home of the Dazzleburger. Sparkle up your day (TM)."

He begins to turn around.

"What can I do to..."

His eyes widen seeing me, grinning sadistically at him like a lunatic.

"Uh...help?"

This hurts my throat to do, but it really sells this whole thing. I deepen my voice to imitate Dr. Claw from Inspector Gadget and just laugh. He is unnerved to say the least.

"*menacing* No one will help you."

"H-Hey now...Don't think of doing anything funny."

I walk up to him and he backs away slowly before leaping behind the counter.

"Stay back! You can't hurt anyone in shops!"

I keep the deep voice.

"*menacing* Hurt you? Foolish boy...Why would I do that? It's not like you put a cigarette out on my wrist and bashed my head with a bat!"

That last part was done a bit too harsh and I end coughing. All seriousness leaves.

"*coughs* Nah, man...*normal* I ain't gonna do anything. For reals. I was just messing with ya."

He eyes me funny.

"Riiiiiight...What do you want then?"

"Preferably, my phone."

He flinches, his eyes looking quickly down then darting back up.

"I..."

"Metta doesn't have to know."

"What do you mean he won't know?! He knows everything that goes on here!"

"Look, you either give me my phone, or I'm gonna go back there and take it."

"You're not seri..."

My dead stare shuts him up. He seems to freeze up now. I sneer and put my hand out. He looks at my hand and then starts sweating. I'm beginning to lose my patience.

"You have five seconds."

His fur stands on end and he suddenly slams his face on the countertop, giving himself a bloody nose.

"Sorry, (Ha ha) it's against the rules to talk to customers who haven't bought anything. And talking with you this long has put me in serious shit. If you want this 'exchange' to continue, you're going to make a purchase."

I'm not happy.

"...What do you have?"

[60G - Sorebet - Very popular food.]

[120G - Dazzleburger - Very popular food.]

[300G - Mythical Villain - Anti-Hero Sandwich. ATTACK UP in battle.]

[500G - Biltong Slab designed to look like Mettaton - Don't ask. Please.]

I huff through my nose and shell out the 60G.

"That Sorebet better come with my phone."

"Yeah yeah. Don't get your panties in a twist."

"Fuck you. I wear boxers."

He eyes me with a blush before heading into the back. Might as well chat him up while I can.

"So...Do you know the chicks behind the building?"

"Huh? Oh...Them. Yeah, I know them. What of it?"

"They were talking about you."

"The girls were...Talking about me...?"

Hooked him.

"They mentioned you threw burgers at them and ran."

"Bullshit! That is not what happened."

He comes back to the counter with a glass of frozen dessert and my phone.

"Care to enlighten me?"

He sighs and lights a cigarette. I wonder if he can do that while on shift?

"Never interact with attractive people. Unless you're 'one of them', they're just gonna take advantage of you. Those two chicks asked me to sneak them some Dazzleburgers. And I, the naive teenager that I was, said yes to them. Bad idea."

"What happened?"

He takes a dag and lifts the collar of his uniform shirt open, blowing the smoke in there.

"Does that really keep the smoke from spreading?"

"It's worked so far. *puff* So I went out to the alley to see those two ladies, and uh...you know, see what'd happen next."

"Like...Naughty stuff?"

"...Maybe."

"Nice."

He blushes.

"Anyway...Then my boss comes out of nowhere, sees me, and demands to know what I was doing. I was so startled, the hamburgers in my pockets tumbled out onto the ground. Not wanting to lose face to the girls, I scrambled to pick them up! But, as I was bending down, the weight of the remaining hamburgers...*puff*...caused my pants to fall down."

He expected me to mock him. But I can't feel anything more than pity for the guy. This surprises him and he continues his story.

"Then the girls laughed at me. Everyone calls me Burgerpants now. It's gotten to the point I can't remember my name half of the time. It's even on my name tag for fuck's sake!"

Poor douche cat.

"I think you're the first to not laugh at me or that story."

"Why would I laugh? That's...That's messed up, man."

He takes another drag.

"You know something...I misjudged you, human. I know it ain't much, but, I'm sorry for being an ass."

I rub the back of my head.

"I'll be honest, guy...Since the bar thing, I've seen you only as a prick. The idea of you having hard times and lashing out didn't cross my mind at all. That's my bad right there. Sorry on my part for being a bitch."

He smirks.

"So...You're really not going to tell Mettaton about this?"

He hands me my phone.

"Dude, this stays between us. Besides, he's kinda been pissing me off lately."

"Yeah, he does that."

He takes a deep drag before putting the cigarette out on the bottom of his shoe.

"Can I give you some advice? I'm getting on in years, so take it from me...You've still got time. Don't live like me. I'm 19 years old and I've already wasted my entire life. I'll probably be trapped at this stupid job forever. But wait! There's one thing that keeps me going! If ASGORE gets just one more SOUL, we'll finally get to go to the surface! It'll be a brand new world! There's gotta be a second chance out there for me! For everyone!"

"Maybe. So, what did you want to do before this?"

"Oh...I wanted to be an ACTOR."

"Neat."

"When I first came to Hotland, it was my dream to work with Mettaton. Well, be careful what you wish for! God, look what that idiot has done here. This place is a labyrinth of bad choices. And every time we try to change something for the better, he vetoes it and says that's not how they do it on the surface. Oh! Right! Humans are always eating hamburgers made of RHINESTONES AND GLITTER."

"...I can assure you we don't eat that. Eating that would be very bad for our health. Maybe even fatal. Monsters don't really eat that...Do they?"

His eyes shift and I facepalm.

"And you guys think I'm gonna hurt ya?"

"You should probably get going. The boss will get his gears in a bunch if you take too long getting to the CORE."

"Fine."

I put the Sorebet in my inventory and remember my awkward side-quest.

"Oh! Before I bounce, can you help me with something?"

He tilts his head.

"What?"

"The chicks, Bratty and Catty, they have items I want but don't have the crazy amount of gold. They say they'll trade for a mega value pack. Any way you might be able to help make this trade happen?"

He sighs.

"Really? Do you know how much that is?"

"1300G close? Because that's how much I need."

"...What kind of shit are they selling that's worth that much?!"

I goofily shrug. He groans and rubs his face.

"I can't just give you that much for free."

"Catty thinks your cute."

"...For real?"

I nod. He fidgets, fingers tip-tapping and pitter-pattering.

"Okay, I'll tell you what...You score me a hook up with her and I'll give you the burgers."

Damn you rule of three in side-quests!

"Argh...I guess I can try. It won't be the weirdest thing I do today but it is on the list though."

His eyes light up with excitement. I can't mess this up now. How often does he actually smile like this?

"Thank you! *ahem* I mean...Cool."

I slink out of the emporium and head for the exit.

"Um, excuse me, human...The CORE is the other way."

I groan.

"I know. I'll be back."

Exit building, go into the creepy alley, and meet the girls again.

"Look who's back."

"Do you have the Dazzleburgers?"

I show my empty hands.

"Ha! I knew she'd blow it."

"Sucks to be you!"

"Hold up. He'll give me the goods. But..."

"But...?"

"Catty...Do you really think he's cute? 'Cause he thinks you're hot."

Catty's face flushes. Bratty rolls her eyes.

"For reals? He wants a date?"

"A date? A hangout? A simple meeting while he's working? I don't know. For all I know she can walk in, say hi, and that's it. All I need is confirmation and you get all those shiny burgers."

"Yes!"

"Catty...?"

"What a deal! A cute guy and free food! It's the score of a lifetime!"

"Catty, he's a loser. You hang out with him once, then he wants to hang out... All. The. Time."

"But don't you feel bad for him, Bratty? Poor Burgerpants...Think about how cool we are compared to him!!! We'd be saving his LIFE with our awesomeness!! His LIFE, Bratty!!"

"Uh, so?"

"Think of all the Dazzleburgers he could get for us!!"

And just like that, I feel like shit for doing this.

"...So is he free after work?"

"*huff* I'll be back...again."

Leave the alley, enter the building, meet up with Burgerpants.

"I don't like the look you have there. Did she say no?"

I can't lie to this guy.

"Dude, I'm really uncomfortable with this."

"What's wrong?"

"She said yes. But..."

"She said YES?!"

"I mean, she agreed, but please listen..."

"Ha! Ahahaha!! Yes!!! You've brought a tear to the eye of this old man."

I feel so bad.

"Dude, please...I'm, like, 100% sure she's gonna use you for free food and maybe gold."

"...So?"

I'm taken back.

"Look, you don't think I didn't think of that? I know she's probably going to use me. Everyone does. If it's for the food, I don't care. That's just another way I can stick it to my boss. Speaking of..."

He plops this cardboard case down on the counter.

"A deal's a deal. The mega value pack for the girl."

...Okay, they're made for each other. Everyone here is trash!

"So, uh, what time did she say she wanted to hang out?"

I hate everything about this!!

"I'll be back again."

Take food, leave, exit, alley. At this point, I nearly shove the shit at them.

"Oh my God!"

"Is that the mega value pack Dazzleburgers?"

"OH MY GOD!!! GIMME!!!"

"God, Catty. Try to have some self-control."

"Sorry..."

"'Cause they OBVIOUSLY brought the Dazzleburgers for ME."

"NO WAYYY!!!!!"

I point to the items.

"Trade. Now."

Bratty puts the key and gun into the hat before handing it over to me.

"Thank you."

I put the key in my inventory and equip the other two.

[You equipped the Tattered Western Hat]

[You gain 12 Defense and 5 Attack]

[This battle-worn hat makes you want to crew on straw for some reason. It also raises attack by 5.]

[You equipped the Rusty Revolver]

[You gain 12 Attack]

[An super old gun. It has no ammo. Must be used precisely, or damage will be low. Duh.]

[HP: 40 ATK: 62 DEF: 50]

I am becoming OP!!

"Oh! Give burger-boy this!"

Catty hands me a scrap of paper with her number.

"Fine. I'm just glad this is done."

Back to Burgerpants. I slap the paper down.

"Here's her number. I hope you don't regret this."

His face contorts in a weird way...Is he...Happy?

Sweet! I need to pick a spicy outfit for my little shindig later. Though, now that I think about it, I had to throw away all of my clothes to make room for the outfits Mettaton gave me."

"...What?"

"Don't take it the wrong way. They're just all these...Weird getups. 'Promotional' costumes. For 'holidays'. Or 'specials'. Or 'because he felt like it'. The thing IS though! Most of the time I'm the only employee who has to wear this stuff! Sometimes he even calls me into his office just to...Make me put something on...Then he laughs and lets me go back to work as normal."

My pity meter is breaking.

"Anyways, I won't sweat it. I'll take it casual. NEVER let hot people think you care. That's how they GET you."

And the pity meter dropped dead.

"Good luck with that."

I leave on that note. Fuck this resort. Fuck this quest plot. Fuck this whole damn thing!

Wanting this shit show to be over and done with, I do as instructed by following the rug's path out some doors that have a giant sign above that says "CORE". Lazy-ass designers, I swear.

Weirdly this leads to a balcony. A balcony that has been opened and a walkway built that connects to the massive facility. The light from the resort barely shows half of the path as the CORE itself surprisingly gives off the faintest glow. The CORE is an entirely mechanical complex that is largely black and yellow with red accents. The blah colors aside, what gets my attention are the two monsters that were minding the entrance that slip inside when I show up. I don't like this.

"Flowey, you better be able to get here. I have a bad feeling about this."

Approaching shows more of this crazy thing. The CORE appears to be the most industrial and modern region of the Underground. Ozone, a byproduct of electrical power, is omnipresent below the floor level of the CORE. This could mean the CORE might be made of stainless steel, titanium, or platinum; as ozone is highly corrosive to most organic materials. If this is the case, they could use this stuff. The CORE could be a source of ozonated water, which cleans clothes, sanitizes food, and purifies drinking water. This also implies this might be the greatest source of oxygen in the Underground as ozone simply decomposes into oxygen at high concentrations and temperatures. The only hazard I can think of is that oxygen is a shitty thing to breathe. Breathing pure oxygen at high pressures can cause nausea, dizziness, muscle twitching, vision loss, convulsions, and loss of consciousness. Breathing pure oxygen for a long time can irritate the lungs causing coughing and/or shortness of breath. Higher exposure may cause a build-up of fluid in the lungs and subsequent death. Guess how much more O2 is needed to do this to a person? 20% more. God, Humans are so freaking weak. I'll need to be careful here.

The lobby of the CORE has an elevator to the north and two paths to the left and right. Not a bad looking place, very lavishly decorated, the floors are engraved with intricate patterns and multicolored neon tubes serve as wall ornaments and embellishments. I check the elevator, which is disabled, I'm not shocked at this point. Not much else to do, I go to the path on the right, which turns out to be a small room with a square platform overlooking a pit of fire. Not bad. I do enjoy looking at fire. It's pretty. Moving on! Going through the left path leads to a rectangular stretch of wall-less hallway with a doorway at the end.

"Hmmm...My bullshit senses are tingling. I'm willing to bet a random encounter/ambush is about to happen."

As if cued by my words, something cracks the back of my head and then hits my gut as I turn.

"*wheeze* Called it..."

My attacker appears and my dull cracked purple soul is forced out to play.

[Madjick pops out of its hat!]

Madjick has a typical appearance of a wizard. It wears a curved wizard hat, a pair of boots, and two rotating orbs emitting cross-shaped particles. Madjick has a sly smile on its face, but a pair of bright eyes are hidden just under its hat.

[FIGHT]

[ACT]

[̴͝SP͜͞E͡L̵͜L͟͠͏]͘͢

[ITEM]

[MERCY]

I wonder if SPELL will work on this thing? ...N-No. No. Can't chance it. Stick to normal tactics.

[ACT selected.]

[New options available.]

[CHECK]

[TALK]

[STARE]

[CLEAR MIND]

...The fuck kind of options are these?!

[CHECK selected.]

[MADJICK – HP: 190 ATK: 29 DEF: 24 – This enemy can only speak in magic words.]

Finally! My states aren't shit compared to my attacker. Also, only speaks in magic words is the most fucking adorable thing I've ever heard.

"Abra cadabra."

An orb spawns off to my left and rapid-fires crosses at me. I dodge and the orb tries to cut me off by going where I'm headed. It fires about eight times and moving around is not so great.

[HP ████████████████ 16/40]

Thank goodness my defense got increased during all this crap. I could've been really messed up.

[Madjick flaunts its orbs in a menacing manner.]

It snickers.

"A smug one. I like that."

[TALK selected.]

"You know...I can do magic too."

It looks at me intrigued.

"Yep. I can make your smile disappear."

It pauses before sneering at me.

"See? I made it vanish before your very eyes!"

It didn't seem to like my humor.

"Hocus pocus."

[Madjick begins chattering to itself. Its gibberish dizzies you...Your DEFENSE drops by 1.]

My head feels fuzzy. Did it just jinx me? Are there more types of magic than what I've been told?

One of the orbs begins to chase me while deploying harmful but immobile crosses. Yet due to the jinx, my sense of direction is ass-backward. Left is right and right is left. Up is down and down is up. However...much to Madjick's dismay...I'm used to being incredibly dizzy. My childhood was filled with countless hours of boredom appeased by spinning around till I couldn't see straight.

[HP ████████████████████ 20/40]

Ha ha...Suck on those magic balls, wizard-boy!

"*slur* Is that what you call magic? Boo! Disappointed!"

[Madjick whispers arcane swear words.]

"*slur* Oh...Someone needs to put some gold in the swear jar. I'm gonna tattle!"

It growls.

"Eh eh eh. It's not your turn."

I slap my face a few times.

[CLEAR MIND selected.]

"I wonder where Flowey is?"

[You think of pollen and sunshine. Your confusion abates. Your DEFENSE increased by 2.]

"...What?"

"Alakazam!!"

It tries to surprise me with that following orb trick. But now that I know that move it's not so bad.

[HP ██████████████████████████ 26/40]

Huh? Am I auto-healing faster? Sweet! Surely that only means good things for me.

[Madjick peers at you with strange eyes.]

"What? You scared? My sick moves and auto-healing too much for you? No worries, wizard-dude, we cool. I got you."

The hell did I just say? Am I magic high? Fuck it.

[MERCY selected.]

[New options available.]

[FLEE]

[SPARE]

[SPARE selected.]

It looks at me funny. Then it looks at my HP.

[HP ████████████████████████████████ 32/40]

It flinches.

"Please and thank you."

Madjick accepts my act of mercy.

[YOU WON!]

[You earned 0 XP and 120 gold.]

The fight ends, my soul returns to my body and I give my opponent claps of approval.

"Good show, buddy. Keep up the good work."

It seems confused but nods, hovering away behind me towards the exit.

"Well...That was weird."

My head still feels odd. Nothing a few brain sloshing shakes of the old noggin won't fix. Anyway, no time to question strange feelings or whatever. I gotta get through this so I can get back to Toriel. Onwards I go.

Continuing forward, I enter a room with a bridge that is cut off by a tesla coil. Wow. Hadn't seen that in a long ass time. How much do I wanna bet there's a convenient off switch nearby. Oh, look! A super obvious switch right there on the wall. Who could've ever had guessed! I flip the switch and lasers fire at me! First blue, then blue again, and orange. Thankfully they're slow, so once I triggered the first blue laser I easily hit the deck to avoid the others that pass by.

"Setting booby traps on top of other traps now. Geez, Metta, I'm starting to think you don't like me very much. Well, that's fine. I don't like me either! So come at me already and quit this pussy bullshit!"

Calm down. No need to get riled up. Get through this and go home. Then I can just stuff my face with Nanny's awesome cheesecake and pass out happy. I march on, doing my best not to look down or notice how some of the walls and floors are chipped away. Now I'm paranoid about if any other laser that turns up is functional or decorative.

The path leads into a crossroads with a path to my left and a path straight ahead. My bullshit sense is tingling when I look at the left path. Straight ahead it is.

This room contains a bridge with many blue and orange lasers followed by a massive wall of blue lasers.

"Nope. Just nope. Screw the rules! I have plot armor importance and common sense!"

Fuck this outfit. Fuck this shit! I have lost all my fucks! I get down on the floor and combat crawl the long as fuck cold metal catwalk.

"*muttering* Stupid bullshit. Why do I have to be nice? If I wasn't nice, I wouldn't have to put up with shit like this. Bitches don't end up in laser catwalk traps. But no...I have to be a decent person. *getting louder* I have to be a good girl. I have to not give in to the overwhelming urge to punch assholes for being assholes because that's wrong for dumb reasons! *shouting* Why am I pissing myself off?! This is extremely counterproductive given my current situation! Fuck!!"

I blame all this on Mettaton. That's a healthy way to look at it. Probably not. But I'm not a mental health doctor! The fuck do I know?! After crossing the bridge, I storm grumpily along another walkway only to reach something called "Core Branch".

Turns out the "Core Branch" is a four-way intersection. Fan-fucking-tastic. Man, my mood is fucking sour. Maybe the digital sign can be useful and give me directions.

[North, the warrior's path. West, the sage's path. Any path leads to The End.]

"*growling* This is so...FUCKING STUPID!!"

Nope. Not falling for anymore of this. I choose neither side and go straight. This middle path of the "Core Branch" has me entering a vertical room with a right path leading to the eastern portion of the "Core Branch". There's nothing to my left. It just drops into the ozone, so it's certain death. I'm so sure this place followed all safety measures. There is a sign on the wall that is telling me to "Get lost...And stay that way".

"Wha...Why have signs telling me to leave when you told me to come here?! Stupid metal moron giving me dumb mixed messages."

I hate everything. No monster better encounter me while I'm in this mood. I take out a gold piece and flip it. Heads for straight and tails for the right. It lands on tails so right I go. This has to be the stupidest designed building ever! What the hell was Gaster thinking?! Was he on the drugs? Because this seems like he was on the drugs! 'Cause now I'm at another four-way crossroads. Only now I have two digital signs.

[To the East! This is The End.]

[I cannot fight. I cannot think. But, with patience, I will make my way through.]

A third, and hopefully final, tesla coil blocks what has been established as the exit. This means there's a switch somewhere. F that shit. Know what? You know what'll piss everyone off? I'm gonna do what that sign said. I'm going to be patient. Because if I know Mettaton, and I know massive egos very well, he won't want boring content to be televised and eventually spice things up. I plop my edgy tush under the sign and...wait. Using this time to chill. Let this negativity go and...

*Clank-clank-clank*

Oh hell no!

A large monster ominously approaches. Knight Knight is a monster that wields a great staff with a sun symbol in her right hand. She wears a suit of black armor and what resembles a horned helmet with a crescent moon emblazoned on her forehead. The helmet's eyepiece occasionally widens and un-widens as if it is her mouth. Her torso is dominated by a dragon face whose beak occasionally opens and closes, revealing a small eye. It is unclear whether which face is the true face.

"Let me guess...You're here to make me move?"

"Yes."

"No."

She's confused.

"...No?"

"Did I stutter? I'm not moving."

She readies her spear.

"Then prepare for..."

"Let me stop you right there. I get that you're doing your job and following the law, and blah blah blee bloo, whatever. I have been through one of THE worst days in my life. My mind, soul, and charitable goodwill have been pushed to limits that are very VERY thin now. I am in no mood to deal with any more crap. So I'm going to say this once because I ain't fighting you or moving from this spot till this electrical blockaded is gone...Turn around and go home."

She doesn't take me seriously and laughs.

"Heh heh...You have no power to give me orders, human."

She takes a step closer and I snap.

"I͏͟ ̧̀̕W͝IL͘͡L̴ ̶Ŗ͟͜I͝҉P͘ ̵O͜F̧F̛͞ ̸̀Y̧͡O̡͢U̡͠R ͠H̸EA̶͏D͏͢ ̸̕A͜N͢D S̢̛͜Ḩ̶Į͢T̵̕ ͝D̶̀OW͞N̷̴͠ ҉͞Ý̸̢O̡͡U̡͢R ̸ŅE̴͝CḰ̡̧!͞͞!̧͢"

She stumbles back in shock. The strange energy sparks off me. I regret everything.

"I̵'͘͟͏ḿ͢͞ ̧̕͞so̧̨͡r̴̢ŗ̷͜y̧.̵̛.̢͞.̛p̢l͝ea̷se͢.͟.́͢.leave me. I'm so sorry."

I seem to have disturbed her. She slowly steps back and turns around when she's convinced I'm not going to move.

"Adieu...Human."

She leaves me and I let out a shaky exhale. It's getting worse. I'm losing control. I can't do this for much longer. I haven't been given any proper time to deal with this shit. My internal bottle has been shaken too much! It's going to explode! I...I...

"What the heck was that?!"

Flowey pops up beside me and I'm too freaked out to be startled.

"Sis? What's wrong?"

I hold myself in an attempt to squeeze into a tiny ball of self-loathing. This only worries him more.

"Lynsie?"

I...I can't...I need a break. If only I had my music. I could drown out all this. Lose myself in the lyrics.

"B-Bro..."

"Yes? Talk to me. I can help. Tell me what you need."

"...H-How fast can you get to Snowdin?"

He frowns.

"You want me to get 'him', don't you?"

All I can do is nod.

"I...I can help too. You don't have to turn to him."

My eyes dart to the blocked path. He puts things together. He is a smart boy after all.

"True. Mettaton is that way and the room his encounter takes place in is an elevating platform. I can stretch from my roots pretty far but not THAT far."

He pouts.

"*huff* I guess there's no other option. He does have experience helping you out when things get bad. And he can teleport."

I feel bad that I'm making him do this...again. Like in the dead timeline.

"I...I'm sorry."

"Wha...N-No! Don't apologize. I understand. You're worried. It's okay. We'll get through this. Family helps family. What kind of big brother would I be if I didn't do everything to help? Even if that means getting others to help when I can't."

"...I need a hug...please?"

It pains me to see him hesitate. But vines come out to wrap around me for a bit.

"Thank you."

The vines retract and he extends to nuzzle my cheek.

"It won't be like last time. I promise. You won't kill anyone. No one's going to die."

"H-How do you know?"

"Because you're strong. You just have to believe in yourself. I know I do."

...I needed that. I give him a smile.

"There we go. There's my sis. Now keep that smile. I'll get Smiley Trashbag and we'll be back home with mom in no time."

He really is too sweet for this world. He sinks into the floor and I forgot to ask how he was able to get through this floor. I mean, I guess he said he can get through cement so metal can't be too far of a long shot. Asriel sure is a super strong boy even as a flower.

*BUZZ*

The power to the coil suddenly is shut off remotely like I so knew it could be. Damn it. I was hoping to have more time. How impatient is Mettaton for this? Reluctantly, I get up and walk down this new road. Halfway along this bridge, I am blocked by three vaguely familiar monsters that look like tougher versions of monsters I see in the Ruins.

Final Froggit has spike-like protrusions on its head and eyelids, accompanied by a crown-like muff on top of its head. Its lips are marked with lines, as though wrinkled from age. Its "shoulders" are decorated with sharp excrescents, while the silhouette between its legs forms a face with a triangular smile and cross eyes.

Whimsalot has a more human-like appearance than Whimsun. Also, its antennae are thicker, and there is a muff on their head that branches in two. Whimsalot's appearance is also accompanied by a double-bladed spear and a knight mask. Its ghost-like torso is skinnier and shorter.

Astigmatism's body consists of a large ball and four spiked limbs. The ball is accompanied by two "horns" on each side. When idle, a large eye can be seen on the ball also with three eyelashes. However, it changes from this face to another where the eye hollow is changed with a smile. When having its eye closed, the two side eyelashes become Astigmatism's eyes, while the middle one simply becomes a marking.

I don't know what I must look like to them. Probably dreadful. Because they move aside with not a word being side. I nod in thanks, proceeding to the end which for all I know might be the most tragic moment of my life second to Grillby dying. No! Stop it! Do as Flowey said. Smile. Stay chipper. Think of something silly. Like how dumb this place is. Honestly, was Gaster high making this place? I'll have to ask him later. Nah...I'll ask Sans. Less hassle.

The bridge comes to an end, leading to a shadowy doorway and an elevator that probably would've been super handy but was out of order to pad out the length of this bullshit subplot. Augh...It's so much easier to think my life is a fictional story or internet abridge series. It's the only way my brain allows most of this crap to make any sense.

"So this is it, huh? The epic conclusion of this grand show. Heh...I want to feel accomplished for making it this far. Almost. But all I do feel is..."

I can't finish my sentence. The weight I thought I got off my back earlier begins pressing on me again.

"Nothing...I feel nothing. *sniffling* Damn it...Don't fucking cry!"

With a breakdown seconds away from happening, I enter the doorway to the room of darkness and a door shuts behind me then locks. There is no going back now.

Please...I made a promise...Please...Don't make me have to RESET...Please...I'm begging...Please...

#undertale #underfell #Anomaly #Lynsie #sans #papyrus #gaster #grillby #grandpa semi #flowey #Asriel #toriel #asgore #frisk #chara #undyne #mettaton #napstablook #alphys

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more-quiverfull-sims · 4 years ago

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MORE courtships on the horizon...we are thoroughly overjoyed!

Author’s Note: Ingrid’s last hurrah!

I’ve decided to make Patience Grace my heir for this legacy. This was a tough choice because she was #10, pretty late in the lineup, but the Gormans didn’t have that many girls to choose from compared to boys (before Miracle, the final Gorman child, arrived, there were only 6 girls). Hope (daughter #1), and Evangeline (daughter #3), were way too free-spirited to be good heirs, Katlynn (daughter #2) became the Jana of the family early on, and Helen (daughter #4), while a great Quiverfull daughter, just didn’t strike me as the heir for some reason. It also helped that Evangeline, Helen, and Patience (daughter #5) came close together and right in a row, which made them easy to compare.

Patience reminds me of Ingrid, both because they look alike and because they share characteristics. Patience is a good, obedient Quiverfull daughter, but she also has a romantic streak and can be kind of self-centered. She’s not as rigid as Ingrid, but she’s close. She also lacks some of Ingrid’s cunning...kind of like a Kendra to Ingrid’s Michelle.

Anyway, being the heir, Patience is courting young and aiming high--she’s dating none other than the eldest son of Pastor Fleming, who runs the Gorman’s Church, Newcrest First Baptist. Helen Praise is courting too--the relationships started around the same time--but she gets a lot less attention. Helen doesn’t really mind that, though--she’s never loved the spotlight, and she’s privately a little embarrassed by her mother’s antics.

Anyway, Patience Grace will soon be married off at 18, while Helen is going to wait until a more reasonable 20. I’m excited to see how their relationships unfold. After her wedding happens, I’m going to start telling this story from Patience’s perspective! I’ll still include the occasional update from Evy, though, since she’s my favorite.

Also, Jon Edward Fleming is named after fire and brimstone preacher Jonathan Edwards, who is famed for delivering the “Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God” speech during the First Great Awakening. I thought he was a fitting namesake!

Greetings, readers!

As many of you know, my sweet Evy May has been married for over a year now. Many worldly people did not understand her choice to marry so young. The devil is constantly prowling to devour sweet Christian families, and he certainly made an attempt to destroy us with the gossip that surrounded Evy’s marriage! While that time was painful for us, we are SO happy to report that Evy and Auggie are still very much in love and happy doing life together.

Evy and Auggie recently celebrated Auggie’s 20th birthday at Auggie’s parents’ house. How sweet!

We haven’t had any baby news from Evy and Auggie yet. We pray that the Lord will open Evy May’s womb soon, but until then these two are enjoying the fruits of a happy, Christian marriage!

Happy birthday, Auggie!

Our greatest gift, Miracle Joy, also aged up recently. Stetson and I are SO proud of her! She is such a virtuous young lady and a blessing to us all...every sibling dotes on her!

Sweet Katlynn made a cake for her sister! She is truly a gift. Now if we could just get her married...she’s 23 and still single!

I cannot believe our youngest is now a big kid! The sight of her aging up truly brought a tear to my eye! Though I miss being a young mother greatly, being able to shepherd my children through these more mature seasons of life is such a gift as well, especially as our grandchildren multiply.

One of Stetson’s most important jobs is assessing the MANY young men who show interest in our daughters. Most of them do NOT make the cut!

But after years of careful discernment and praying, an event we always dreamed of has taken place. Yes, it’s true--Pastor Fleming’s oldest son, Jon Edward, has asked to get to know our Patience Grace. Their relationship has moved quickly because they are clearly such a perfect match! Jon Edward has even said that he knew from the first time he met Patience that he wanted her for a wife. He saw her humble spirit and her feminine modesty and was blown away! He agrees with us that women today are so worldly and self-absorbed. Patience stands in contrast to them like a shining light! We are SO grateful for her and the wonderful example that she provides!

Jon invites Patience to court.

Pastor Fleming spent a day at our home supervising Patience and Jon. Jon’s older sister, Laura, was also there!

Sweet fellowship!

Stetson and I had MANY serious conversation with Patience and Jon about the joys and responsibilities of young marriage. Patience is 18 and Jon is 22, so while they are young, they are old enough to marry in the sight of God, so long as they understand the gravity of making eternal vows!

After extended conversations with Patience, Jon, and Pastor Fleming, Stetson decided to allow them to become engaged!

Patience turned 18 just a few days before Jon decided to propose to her, but she is so strong and mature in her judgment! She is ready to be a wife and mother. We never allow our children to delay marriage for too long because it can lead to temptation, so we will allow these two to be married in two months’ time. They’ve already courted for four months and got to know each other for four months before that. Patience was younger than any of our daughters when this process started for her--she was on the early side of 17--but we were confident that the timing was right. We prayed on this match over and over again as a family, and over and over again felt confident that the Lord was drawing these two together!

In other news, our sweet Helen Praise is also courting! Helen is 19 going on 20 and has such a sweet servant’s heart. Young Tyson Bheeda is crazy about her! They both enjoy art and spend many of their chaperoned dates at local museums.

We are so grateful for these two and for their commitment to purity! Here’s to praying we will have another engagement on our hands soon!

#thegormans #fundie sims #quiverfull sims #sims 4 #sims 4 legacy #sims 4 legacy challenge

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cad-faoi-maeglin · 5 years ago

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Head Canon Time! Mairon and Relationships.

Technically, Mairon has been in a lot of relationships, but most of the time these were part of some plot, some deception to get him what he wanted. Mairon’s a practical person (with a rather questionable moral compass) if sweet nothings and sex helped him achieve his goals, he had zero issue with using these as tactics. A good example would be Ar-Pharazôn. There were plenty of rumours doing the rounds of the Númenórean court that it wasn’t just the Maia’s council that allowed him to rise above the level of a captive. Not that anything was ever officially confirmed or proved... So, if you look throughout his history, you’ll see that technically he’s been one half of many couples.

However, Mairon didn’t view these acts solely as tools. He actually attached quite a lot of importance to closeness (platonic or otherwise) and physical intimacy and no amount of important goals would ever be enough to make him compromise on this. So, if he wasn’t willing to compromise, how did he go about having all those strategic relationships? Well, this is where his aliases came in. (Of course, this obviously wasn’t the only purpose of his inventing aliases for himself, but we’re not interested in those other purposes for the minute.) His aliases allowed him some much needed distance. He wasn’t the one in the relationship, it was his alias. He wasn’t the one who claimed to love whoever his latest victim was, it was his alias. And he never invited anyone into his bed. He’d fuck them anywhere else they wanted, but never in his own private spaces. That would be too close. That was reserved for someone he genuinely wanted and those were rare. The distinction was important to him. All these people fell in love with a fiction, almost no one was allowed to fall in love with Mairon (though, if we’re being honest, not many would probably want to. ‘Dark Lord’ and all that...).

All of that means that, while he technically has been in many relationships, as far as he’s concerned, he’s only had three.

1) Eönwë

Mairon’s first relationship from back when the world was new and even the Ainur could be considered young. It was a simple thing. If he had to label it, Mairon would probably struggle. It was neither a friendship nor a romance, but seemed to fall somewhere in the middle. When they were free of their duties they would spend much of their time together. Mairon would tell Eönwë of the shaping of the Earth as it was carried out by Aulë and his Maiar and Eönwë would tell Mairon of his duties as the right hand Maia to the King. And when the two wanted to be alone, they would go to their secret spot where they could sit in silence for hours just cuddled up into a ball together. When Mairon’s ambition and thirst for power drove him to turn traitor and join Melkor, Eönwë was the one person Mairon felt like he was actually betraying. Even though by the end of the third age he had come to hate his former friend/love, as he hated most everything else, he never could bring himself to view their memories with distaste. It was the first and last relationship that he had had that was uncomplicated and brought him nothing but happiness.

2) Melkor

This one had come as somewhat of a surprise to him. He had not expected to ever turn the Vala’s head, nor had it even been his goal, but turn it did. Mairon had never been afraid to show his more insolent side to Melkor. While others behaved carefully around their master, Mairon was always unashamedly himself. In his arrogance he didn’t see why he should be anything else. It earned him his master’s respect and eventually his interest. Unlike his relationship with Eönwë, Mairon’s relationship with Melkor was decidedly a romantic one, especially in it’s beginning. They would bring each other gifts, share in private jokes, each would bring the other news of something that they thought they would find interesting, one would sit in silence and watch, awed, while the other worked. When they ruled separate fortresses, they wrote to each other constantly. Melkor was also the one who introduced him to sex and all the fun that they could have with that. As much as he’d later hate to admit it, Mairon was smitten. The best part was, he didn’t have to be anything in particular around Melkor. He could just be himself, like he was with Eönwë, and Melkor would return his feelings. Though they knew Eru would never recognise it, the two considered themselves married.

However, this wasn’t to last. Melkor was changed when he returned from his imprisonment. Mairon had never been able to figure out whether it had been the isolation or those fucking silmarills or both which had poisoned Melkor’s mind. Melkor became withdrawn, unpredictable and aggressive. Mairon had to carefully calculate his responses to his master (oh how often he was reminded of his lower position now!) in order to not wake his wrath. Though the two continued on for a long time after this, and Mairon tried with all his strength to hold them together, he regarded this as the real end to their marriage. He never stopped hating that Valar for this.

3) Tyelpë

This was another of Mairon’s difficult to pin down relationships. It blurred the lines between plot and genuine in a way that made Mairon deeply uncomfortable. Technically, Tyelpë did not know who he really was, but so much of what Tyelpë loved about Annatar did not come from fiction but from Mairon himself. In truth, not much of Annatar was a fiction. Mairon didn’t see the need. He was genuinely a Maia and a smith and he had come to share skills and techniques. Aside from concealing his own name and history, he didn’t see a point in making up much else. He kept his usual bluntness and arrogance. It seemed to only add to the sense of divinity his presence instilled in others. He kept his usual demanding standards in the forge. It apparently just made him look more the part of the expert. He kept his sarcastic sense of wit. It only endeared him to the word-loving Elves. As a result, it was very much Mairon that Tyelpë had fallen for and not Annatar. And Mairon very much felt the difference. His tactical side told him to use Tyelpë’s feelings to his advantage. The rest of him told him that in this instance it mightn’t be wise. He did it anyway. At no point was he ever certain in his motives towards Tyelpë. Of course the Elf would be easier to manipulate if he pretended to be in a relationship with him, but he was never meant to enjoy the relationship as much as he did. In his moments of greatest weakness it was not Annatar who kissed Tyelpë, but Mairon, it was not Annatar that shared in private jokes with Tyelpë, but Mairon, it was not Annatar who brought Tyelpë potentially interesting news, but Mairon. Once, fueled by good drink and Tyelpë’s grin, Mairon had been tempted to tell Tyelpë everything and to try to convince him to join him, just so he could keep the Elf by his side once the forging of the rings was complete. He quickly realised what a ridiculous plan that was and managed to hold his tongue. Tyelpë never did find out why the Maia had suddenly burst into tears. Mairon was more careful after that. Mairon hated the way Tyelpë made him feel so loved and unloved at the same time. He knew that if Tyelpë ever found out who he really was all traces of affection would disappear in an instant, but despite that, all of his favourite things about Annatar were all parts of the true Mairon. This hatred manifested itself as the extreme brutality he visited upon Tyelpë when questioning him about the three rings’ whereabouts.

#mairon #eonwe #melkor #celebrimbor #tyelpe #angbang #moron #silvergifting #this ended up waaaay longer than i intended #i just have so many *feelings* about mairon's feelings #silmarillion #i spent way too long on this #head canon time!

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kassandratheeaglebearerblog-blog · 5 years ago

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Comparison of LGBT history

Màlaka! Well, here we go again, another example of the madness of your generation! After skin tone, you decided to judge people and illtreat them depending on who they decided to love? This modern world will never cease to shock me, for better and for worst. It should be noted that over the years, you all created terms which did not exist in my days. This was slightly confusing for me at first but I now understand this was an effort made to classify and differentiate between all of those different variants of sexual preference and identity one might express.

First, let’s start with what you call ‘gender identity’. By your modern standards, it refers to one’s sense of one’s self as gendered person. It may or may not correspond to one’s gender assigned at birth and may or may not conform to one’s perception of masculinity or feminity. In my case, since I was considered to be a girl at birth and still identify as a woman, I would be what you call ‘cisgender’. Though, I have to say, since I spent most of my time on the battlefield and was not scared to stand up for myself and those I loved, I am not exactly your typical Spartan lass and I am the complete opposite of how an Athenian woman was supposed to act. And fighting so much did help me develop a musculature any men would envy. Màlaka, even Alkibiades looks scrawny compared to me! Though he does know how to make up for his shortcomings…

If one’s gender identity does not match one’s gender given at birth, then one is considered as being ‘transgender’. Those people, in an attempt to obtain the body they dream of, might get surgery from your physicians. Hippokrates would be glad to see how far medicine has progressed! Which leads us to the next term, ‘MTF’ which refers to someone considered by society to be male getting surgery so that their body looks more womanly. The other term is ‘FTM’ which refers to a female individual getting surgery in order to make her body fit the norms of masculinity. As a result of transitioning, people need to change their ‘legally recognised sex status’ which can prove to be difficult due to the divisive laws yours leaders enact. We also have people who your physicians, in their fancy language, call ‘transsexuals’. The latter refers to people with significant cross-gender identity. In order not to hurt anyone’s feelings, you younglings created ‘gender inclusive/gender neutral pronouns’ which are pronouns used for people who identify as being outside the gender binary. We also have ‘intersex’, which refers to people born with ambiguous genitals. This word seems to be favoured over ‘hermaphrodite’, which is frowned upon as over the years, it became a slur. In my Greece, the word did exist, but as ‘Hermaphroditos’.

‘Hermaphroditos’ was the son and fruit of, unsurprisingly, the many extramarital love affairs of Aphrodite had, with the father this time being Hermes. Maybe Hermes tried to find solace in her arms? I cannot blame him after his love, Persephone, threw him off a bridge right in front of me. But at the same time why was he courting a married woman? Though Persephone herself told me she hated her husband, Hades, because he kidnapped her from her mater’s care. And as I witnessed, Hades was not exactly a model husband because he was too busy creating chaos and torturing humans in Tartarus and was neglecting his wife a lot. Which led to Persephone turning into a control freak who was making the undead’s life in the fields of Elysium impossible. Màlaka! Take it from my experience, never meddle in the Gods love affairs!

From what my mater told me as a little girl, Hermaphroditos was a remarkably handsome young man who caught the attention of a naiad called Salmacis. Salmacis was so enamoured by him that she prayed to be united with him forever. A God responded to her request by merging their two forms into one, creating a single androgynous form. From this day onwards, they (I am a fast learner!) came to be seen as the deity of intersexuality and hermaphroditism. They are also associated with marriage, symbolising the union of, traditionally but not necessarily, a man and a woman, two separate entities becoming one through the sacred bond of marriage. This is further emphasised by the fact that their parents were the deities supposed to protect and bless brides.

Moreover, back in my Greece, despite the fact that children were brought up respecting the gender norms and stereotypes, once adults, they were free to live the rest of their lives however they wanted to, which included a man renouncing his male status and instead adopting a female identity or vice versa. It was quite a rare occurrence but not an impossible one. Fully transitioning was obviously impossible because Hippokrates had not yet developed the required surgery. Although I never met him, I found out about a Roman emperor, Elagabalus, who can be considered as one of the earlier transgender figures.

Elagabalus was married 5 times to women but never had a long-lasting marriage. His most stable liaison was with Hierocles, a blonde slave from Caria who was also a chariot driver. The emperor found delight in being called the mistress, wife or queen of Hierocles. He also preferred being called a lady instead of lord and would wear a lot of makeup and wigs. There are even tales of him offering large sums of money to physicians who could give him a vagina. There were even reports of him depilating his body and painting his eyes before prostituting himself in taverns, brothels and even his own palace. Whether that is true or not, I cannot tell. Just like Cleopatra after him, his enemies made it a priority to launch a smear campaign against him.

The next concept we will see is that of ‘sexual orientation’. This has to do with sexual erotic and/or emotional attractions, interests and orientation. Someone who identifies as male and is sexually and romantically attracted to men only would be gay. Lesbian is the same thing but refers to women who like other women. We also have other types of orientation such as bisexual, pansexual, demiromantic, skoliosexual, aromantic, asexual and so on just to name a few. Understanding about the LGBT community for your generation is fairly new. Even members of the community sometimes struggle to understand each other with gay and lesbians being intolerant towards bisexuals for example. LGBT people faced a lot of backlash back in the days and still do, though things are evolving with countries becoming more and more understanding and legalising same-sex marriage, adoption and enacting anti-discrimination rules.

Back in my Greece, it was common for older Athenian men to have younger lovers, even harems of them, in addition to their wife. The belief was for the older man to educate the younger one, give him shelter and help him become adult while having a more intimate relationship with the young man. Penetrative sex between two men in itself was not seen as degrading or something vile but the one taking the passive role was the one who was not necessarily shown respect. Thebes took advantage of gay love by creating an army troop which consisted of 150 gay couples as it was thought there would be no fiercer warrior than a man trying to protect his lover. While male homosexuality and sexuality was celebrated, lesbians were more invisible than others because at the time, it was thought the only way for people to have sex would be through penetrative sex, which led to female pleasure and homosexuality being eclipsed.

Luckily for me, being a mercenary and a descendant of the great Leonidas himself, I was able to break free from the glass ceiling and from the heteronormative expectations of society. And this also meant I was able to explore my sexuality to the fullest. I think that by today’s standards I would be what you call a ‘bisexual’ since I did have my fair share of encounters with members of both gender. One of the most memorable one was on the islands of Delos and Mykonos, the Silver Islands. There, I met Kyra and Thaletas. While helping Kyra to weaken the Athenian’s control, we did grow closer to each other in several ways…

As for Thaletas, almost all of his army got annihilated by the Athenians, leaving him broken. And pride is a Spartan’s strongest sentiment so repairing that was definitely worthy of Herakles himself. At the climax of the oncoming battle, our feelings took control and…

But those relationships never lasted and I was always on the move. That is, unless I met my soulmate Natakas who became the father of my child, Elpedios.

But even then, my relationship with Natakas ended abruptly because of the ones calling themselves the ‘Hidden Ones’… I just hope my two loves are together are together. It’s only a matter of time before the Heir of memories comes and I can join them in Elysium.

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pamphletstoinspire · 6 years ago

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What the Trinity Reveals About God and Us

I once heard someone say that the most popular time for pastors to leave town is Trinity Sunday. How true that is, I don’t know. What I do know, is that during fifty plus years in the pews I have never heard a comprehensive sermon on the subject. I suspect my experience is not unique.

Few would deny that the Trinity is one of the most (if not, the most) important doctrines of the Christian faith and also one of the most misunderstood. Whether or not homiletical avoidance is to blame, it is regrettable, because no other doctrine tells us more about God and ourselves.

The Nature of God

Were it not for the Trinity, St. John’s claim, “God is love,” would be little more than glassy-eyed sentiment. Love without an object is frustrated, unfulfilled, and incomplete. Thus, a loving, but solitary God is a God who is contingent, a God who must create to satisfy his yearning, a God who is less than perfect.

On the other hand, a God who exists in a community of uncreated “One Anothers,” is a God who is complete in and of himself from eternity to eternity. For him, creation is not a divine necessity, but an extension — an extravagant extension — of whom he is.

Although Scripture lays out no explicit doctrine on the Trinity, it contains numerous references to Father, Son, and Holy Spirit working in concert. For example:

In the Annunciation, Gabriel tells Mary how the Spirit will come in the power of the Father to produce the Word made flesh in her.

At the last supper, Jesus promises the disciples that the Father will send the Spirit to remind them of his teachings.

In his letter to the Corinthians, Paul reveals that spiritual gifts come from the Spirit, in service to the Son, according to the sovereign purposes of the Father.

Then there is Jesus’s rebuke of the Jews (“No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws him”) that, when combined with his response to Thomas (“No one comes to the Father except through me”) and Paul’s message to the Corinthians (“No one can say, ‘Jesus is Lord,’ except by the Holy Spirit”), reveals that personal salvation is the synergistic result of the Father’s initiative, the Son’s atonement, and the Holy Spirit’s promptings.

Scripture bears witness to a Godhead of three Persons united in will and purpose. One of those purposes is the creation of beings designed for union in the divine Community. For instance, notice how man’s tripartite nature of mind, body, and spirit relates to Father, Son, and Holy Spirit in the following verses:

“Who has understood the mind of [Yahweh]…?”

“The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God…”

“The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children.”

It is sufficiently amazing that God has made us for communion with him. It is more amazing, still, that he calls into partnership with him through the “Greatest Commandment,” the Great Commission, and the Cultural Commission — three (!) directives aimed at expanding his community and uniting it cruciform, vertically with the Godhead, and horizontally with fellowman.

Three Directives

The Greatest Commandment — to love others as Christ loved us — is a summons to work for the sake of others, that they might experience the joy of knowing God and living in harmony with his creation. But only a disciple can know God, and only a world managed by caring stewards will be conducive to the flourishing of nature and mankind. Thus, fulfilling the Greatest Commandment requires that we take up both the Great Commission and the Cultural Commission.

To help us toward those ends, God established three (!) institutions: the family, the state, and the Church, each with its own sphere of responsibility. When each institution fulfills its unique calling, while respecting the others, it creates the conditions necessary for individuals to experience communion with family, neighbors, communities, creation, and God.

Sadly, the cruciform community for which we are created and called, is becoming less and less apparent. Instead of a growing sense of community with our fellowman and God, we are becoming more individualistic, socially and morally. While that may seem unremarkable, what is interesting is one place it has become evident.

Our Atomization

Citing a study on language usage, columnist David Brooks noted, that since 1960, individualistic words like “personalized,” “self,” “standout,” and “unique” have eclipsed communal words like “community,” “collective,” “share,” and “united.” In other studies he cites, researchers found that moral terms like “virtue,” “decency,” “conscience,” “honesty,” “faith,” “ought,” “evil,” and “prudence” have declined in use over the years.

What these findings tell Brooks is that as society “has become more individualistic, it has also become less morally aware” resulting in “certain forms of social breakdown.” I would flip his causative chain to say that our moral breakdown has led to our social breakdown and the pathologies associated with our atomization from God and neighbor. It is a trajectory traced back to the beginning.

Once God proclaimed, “It is good!”, Satan took to tearing asunder what God had put together. By sowing the seed of distrust, Satan successfully pitted man against God. Then, in quick succession, he turned husband against wife, brother against brother, neighbor against neighbor, son against father, man against his own nature, and, eventually, mother against her child.

If God can’t be trusted, nobody can — not our government, not our churches, not our families, no one. Our loss of faith not only isolates us from God, it isolates us from tradition, generational wisdom, shared values, and each other, creating a balkanized society of competing “others” where even the enwombed child represents a threat to our well-being.

Over the last forty years, the “fruits” of atomization have included the escalation of divorce, fatherless homes, single-parent families, sex without marriage, marriage without children, children unattached to their biological parents, and the loss of two billion (!) children worldwide to abortion. What’s more, personal dissatisfaction, disappointment, and depression are at record levels in an age of technological, medical, and economic progress unprecedented in history.

The doctrine of the Trinity informs us that this is not the way it was meant to be. Because God, the Source of being, is social, we, made in his image, are social, too. For that reason, the joy, peace, and fullness for which we were created will be experienced only to the degree that we are united cruciform, to him and each other. It also means that when we work to restore what Satan has torn asunder — relationships with God, spouses, neighbors, and nature — we fulfill the divine directives of love, discipleship, and stewardship.

If you are interested in how the triune nature of God is woven into the fabric of creation from the cosmic scale to cosmic scale,please read the following story.

The Trinity: A Mystery Revealing the Nature of God

The doctrine of the Trinity is a mystery that has been the subject of debate, controversy, and misunderstanding for two millennia.

Part of the difficulty is that although traces of the Trinity run throughout the warp and woof of Scripture, God’s holy Word contains nothing explicit about it. But perhaps our larger problem is that as limited, “this-worldly” humans, we lack cognitive associations, experiences, and symbols to grasp how three beings can be one, yet somehow distinct.

C.S. Lewis picks up on that point in his poem, Footnote to All Prayers. There Lewis writes that when we “attempt the ineffable Name, murmuring, Thou,” we unwittingly blaspheme with feeble and inaccurate representations of the Divine. What’s more, Lewis suggests, “all men are idolaters,” because they visualize God and worship him in man-made metaphors.

With that in mind, and in the knowledge that some of the greatest minds in history have struggled to explain the triune Godhead, I will not attempt to do so here. That’s because our challenge is not to “understand” the Trinity, but to accept it as a mystery that is central to the nature and character of God.

Important Differences

Among world religions, past and present, Christianity stands apart. No other metaphysical belief system has a God who is both transcendent and immanent — one who is over all and who has “pitched his tent” with us.

Bare monotheistic traditions, like Islam, hold that God is transcendent, but not immanent. He is a cosmic Enigma who distances himself from his creation, leaving man to figure out how he can be placated to avoid punishment or gain reward.

In ancient polytheism, the gods were not omnipotent deities but Olympian heroes who exhibited the same flaws and foibles as their earthly counterparts. Their temperamental and petulant encounters with man made it difficult to determine, G.K. Chesterton once remarked, “about which [was] the hero and which [was] the villain.”

For pantheistic traditions, “God” is the universal force, energy, or spirit through which “all is one, and all Divine.” Although God is immanent, he is neither transcendent nor personal. He’s that all-pervading, supersensible something that must be “tapped into” to discover and master the techniques of spiritual evolution.

Absent are doctrines of original sin and substitutionary atonement, or any notion of divine grace. Salvation, whether that means winning favor with a silent and distant deity or actualizing one’s divinity, is a matter of moving up the escalator of merit through individual effort.

By contrast, the Christian God is neither silent nor remains an astronomical unit away. He communicates in the unbroken speech of his revealed Word while seeking communion with man. It is a fellowship expressed in intimate word-pictures, like vine and branches, father and children, and bridegroom and bride.

While, in other belief traditions, man must pull himself up by his own bootstraps and get right with God, in Christianity, it is God who reaches downward to make men right. Men are not expected to earn God’s favor by demonstrating their worth—instead, God seeks to win man’s favor by demonstrating the unfathomable dimensions of his love.

And that brings us to the Trinity.

Divine Attributes

Like other monotheistic deities, the Christian Godhead is transcendent, omnipotent, and omniscient. Those are the attributes we normally think about when we read Paul’s words: “For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities — his eternal power and divine nature — have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse” (Rom. 1:20). But since tri-unity is at the essence of the Godhead, we should expect that divine quality to be, also, stamped on those things “clearly seen.” And indeed, it is — at every level.

At the cosmic level, the universe consists of three things: space, time, and matter—each, themselves, having three integral components.

Space exists in three dimensions: length, width and height. Time consists of the past, present and future. Matter is made up of three sub-nuclear ingredients: quarks, leptons and bosons, each uniquely defined by three parameters: electronic charge, mass, and magnetic spin. What’s more, atoms contain three things: protons, neutrons, and electrons. And, if that’s not enough, all protons and neutrons are made up of three quarks. Am I sounding like a broken record or what?

At the chemical level, water — the major molecule of biological life — is an example of matter with distinctive triune qualities. Consisting of three atoms (two hydrogen and one oxygen), water can exist in solid, liquid or gas forms without changing its chemical makeup. Three forms, the same essence.

But wait! As explained by Einstein — you know, his E=mc2 relation — matter is energy and energy, matter. And, you guessed it, energy comes in three varieties: the strong-nuclear, the electro-weak, and gravitational.

Finally, each of these grand components — space, time, and matter — are intricately woven and interconnected in the unified fabric of spacetime. A single, integrated essence. Confounding, isn’t it? Just like the Trinity.

At the human level, experience and common sense tells us that we are more than material machines. Matter and energy follow determined paths according to physical laws. But we have choice and free will. We also have thoughts, affections, and aspirations that transcend deterministic laws. This suggests the ultra-physical or, what we call, spirit. When combined with mind and body, spirit completes our human nature mirroring the triune Godhead.

Consider the following verses of scripture:

“Who has understood the mind of [Yahweh]…”

“The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God…”

“The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children.”

Notice how Father, Son, and Holy Spirit correlate and communicate, with our triune design. From the infinitesimal to the infinite, a trinitarian thread runs throughout the fabric of creation.

So what’s the significance of this?

So What?

At the heart of the matter is the character of God, which has been under attack from the beginning. After God completed his creation work declaring it good, Satan proceeded to “poison the well.”

Despite God’s warning to Adam about eating from the forbidden tree, Satan sashayed up to his companion with some been-around-the-block advice:

“Let me clue you in Eve. That stuff about ‘you will surely die’ — it’s bluster. Here’s the thing: God likes his power and the control he has over you and … he’s not about to give it up. So he goes around thundering out empty threats in hopes that you’ll be intimidated. Look at me — do I look scared? Now then … about that fruit — it tastes really good with a little coconut milk.”

From the Garden to the present, the charge has been the same: God can’t be trusted. He’s a toothless tiger who jealously guards his position by withholding good things from us: things that are fun and pleasurable; information and experiences that would enable us to achieve our own divinity.

It’s as if God’s wholeness depends in some way on his creation. Without underlings to obey him and worship him, God would be less than God. Yet such is not the Christian God who from eternity to eternity is perfect and complete in all aspects. To him, nothing can be added and from him, nothing taken away. As he himself declares, “I the LORD do not change” (Mal. 3:6). And that pertains to his love, as well.

Because God is changeless, creation is not needed to complete or express his love. Rather, God’s love exists in full within the triune Godhead. For it is there, in the eternal Community that Father, Son, and Holy Spirit participate in their perpetual fellowship.

So rather than a project of a lonely God in need of adoring sycophants, creation is the labor of a loving God who wants to share, not withhold, the good things he has prepared for those who love him.

“No eye has seen nor ear heard, or mind conceived what God has prepared for them who love him.” (1 Cor. 2:9)

BY: REGIS NICOLL

From: www.pamphletstoinspire.com

#the trinity

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focusontheeasternlightning-blog · 5 years ago

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Trials Are Special Blessings of God

By Xuanxuan, Taiwan

After my husband and I met and fell in love, we got married, and then I gave birth to an adorable son and a lovely daughter.

I managed our marriage with my heart, but gradually, I found that it was not easy to do it well. Because of differences in our family backgrounds and life habits, my husband and I often quarreled and it got more and more bitter. We went so far as to even want a divorce. Just when my marriage was on the rocks, I accepted the Lord Jesus’s gospel. After I knew that the Lord Jesus was nailed to the cross and shed His precious blood to redeem mankind, I was moved by His love. Later, from the Bible I saw that the Lord Jesus has patience and tolerance for man, so I resolved to follow the Lord Jesus’ example to be humble and patient. I discussed it with my husband and then became a Christian. Brothers and sisters often shared the Lord’s grace together, supported and helped each other, living in God’s love. I was filled with joy and peace.

As time went by, most of my brothers and sisters in the church began to become busy making money, and during the small group meetings, what they talked about had nothing to do with the faith in the Lord, but instead were eating, drinking, and playing. Additionally, the pastor’s sermons were the same old platitudes. I got no enjoyment out of listening to them, with my mind often being empty.

Sometimes as soon as I attended meetings, my eyelids started fighting to stay open. In my daily life, I also involuntarily committed sins, my relationship with my husband didn’t improve, and I couldn’t live out the requirements of the Lord at all. I felt more and more like the Lord was not with me, and all I could do was pray to the Lord in my heart and ask Him not to abandon me. Meanwhile, I practiced spiritual devotions more and read the Bible more. However, my spiritual condition was without any improvement.

In June, 2017, I got acquainted with the brothers and sisters of The Church of Almighty God. Through fellowshiping about the truths together with them several times, I understood: The reason why our church is desolate is that the Holy Spirit’s work has moved. Because now God has begun His new work, the work of the Holy Spirit has moved to those who have accepted it. I also understood: In the Age of Grace, in order to redeem us, the Lord Jesus personally became flesh and was crucified as the sin offering for man. When we confessed our sins to the Lord in His name and repented, the Lord would forgive us. But we haven’t escaped from the bonds and the restrictions of sin, so we still need God to do another stage of work of removing sins so that we can be purified. Then the brothers and sisters also fellowshiped about various truths, such as the three stages of God’s work and the formation of the Bible, and so forth. I felt what they fellowshiped was quite in line with the Bible and contained the enlightenment of the Holy Spirit. Meanwhile, it solved many confusions and problems that I had in my belief in the Lord as well. Thereupon I decided to seek and study Almighty God’s work of the last days.

Once, when I was surfing online, I inadvertently clicked on a link, and found that it was all the negative propaganda from the Chinese Communist Party government and the religious world judging and convicting Almighty God. This struck cold to my heart at the time. I thought: The CCP government, an atheist party, has been persecuting religious beliefs all the time, and also has labeled the Bible as a cult book. For the sake of its dictatorship, the CCP is capable of doing any evil thing, such as falsifying, discrediting, smearing, and framing, this is a fact known to all. So what the CCP says cannot be relied upon. But why do so many prestigious pastors and elders in the religious world unite with the CCP government to judge and condemn The Church of Almighty God? What is really going on here?

Subsequently, when I came into contact with the brothers and sisters of The Church of Almighty God, I started observing them secretly. After a period of time of contact, I found that they were sincere, behaved properly, and were moderate in their words and actions. When in gatherings, they would communicate the truths, such as how to be an honest person, how to live out a normal humanity, how to revere God and shun evil, and other aspects. Especially at the time that I encountered difficulties, the brothers and sisters all fellowshiped about the truths to me so that I could know God’s will. Attracted by the truths they shared in fellowship and moved by their sincerity, slowly, I no longer guarded myself against the brothers and sisters of The Church of Almighty God. Afterward, as long as I had time, I would watch all sorts of videos and movies on The Church of Almighty God’s app. The more I watched the more spiritual nourishment I obtained, and I enjoyed the living water of life that flows from the throne. I confirmed that Almighty God is the appearance of the Lord Jesus, thus feeling even more at ease, and also happy to have contact with the brothers and sisters of the Church.

However, I still could not understand why the religious leaders condemned The Church of Almighty God, so I raised this question in a meeting. Then a sister fellowshiped with me, “Let’s first look at some verses in the Bible. In 1 John 5:19 it says: ‘the whole world lies in wickedness.’ And in Luke 11:29: ‘This is an evil generation.’ We all know that since ancient times, the true way has always been suppressed. Just like in the Age of Grace, when the Lord Jesus did His work, He not only gave us man the way of repentance but also performed many signs and wonders, such as feeding 5,000 people with five loaves of bread and two fish, making cripples walk, making the blind see, resurrecting the dead, and so on. The scribes and Pharisees of that time all admitted that the Lord Jesus’ words and work had authority and power, yet in order to protect their own positions and livelihoods, they intentionally made up rumors and framed the Lord Jesus, did their utmost to block believers from following the Lord Jesus, and in the end even colluded with the Roman government to crucify the Lord Jesus on the cross. From the fact we can see that the true way will always suffer the rejection and condemnation of atheist regimes and religious world.

In the last days, Almighty God has expressed the truth to do the work of judgment and chastisement, and all kinds of MVs, movies, and the books of God’s words have been posted on the internet to openly bear witness of Almighty God’s work of the last days. All those who love the truth and long for and await the appearance of the Lord have begun to return to Almighty God, one by one, whereas those who hate the truth and resist God have been revealed by God’s work. Like the Pharisees, today’s religious pastors and elders see that the words expressed by Almighty God are all the truth, yet because more and more believers have returned to Almighty God, to protect their status and livelihoods they fanatically resist and condemn The Church of Almighty God. From this we can see their nature and essence of hating the truth and resisting God. If we are not able to discern or seek the truth, but just blindly listen to the words of men, then we will lose the opportunity of God’s salvation. In fact, in the last days God uses the forces of Satan to do service for perfecting His chosen people, so that we can see through their essence, and then reject and betray them. This is precisely the wisdom of God’s work.” Through the sister’s communication, I came to know: The reason why these pastors and elders of the religious world condemn the work of Almighty God is because they know Almighty God’s words are the truth, and that as long as those who love the truth and thirst for God’s appearance hear these words of Almighty God they will follow Almighty God and reject them. So, for the sake of preserving their own positions and meal-tickets, they do everything possible to block people from coming before God, and they even spread various rumors, making people not dare to study Almighty God’s work of the last days. Being deceived by the rumors, untold numbers of people have lost this once-in-a-lifetime chance to meet the Lord. These religious pastors and elders are too despicable and too evil. If it weren’t for God pitying and saving me, I would also miss the chance to greet the Lord.

As I was awash in the joy of welcoming the return of the Lord, a spiritual battle secretly befell me. When my husband knew I believed in Almighty God, he searched for “The Church of Almighty God” on the internet, and saw a lot of words originating from the CCP and the religious world that resisted and condemned the Church. Deceived by the negative propaganda, my husband angrily said to me, “Do you know anything about The Church of Almighty God? Do you know there are many negative words online about The Church of Almighty God?” I replied to him, “I accept the work of Almighty God because I have read many Almighty God’s words. His words not only have solved lots of my problems in my real life, but also teach me to live out the normal humanity. The words of Almighty God are the truth and God’s voice. Almighty God is the appearance of the Lord Jesus. Furthermore, after this period of interacting with the brothers and sisters of The Church of Almighty God, I can see they are all devout Christians.” At the moment, I remembered that the sister had fellowshiped with me: Since we believe in God we must have a heart that reveres God, otherwise we will become Satan’s accomplices and follow it to resist God. Just like when the Jewish people at that time blindly listened to the lies of the Pharisees, but didn’t investigate whether or not what they said was true; in the end, they followed the Pharisees to nail the Lord to the cross, walking the God-resisting path. This led to the destruction of Israel. At the thought of this, I told my husband that he couldn’t follow the herd and blindly believe the rumors on the internet, for they were all lies. But my husband didn’t listen to my words at all. He said to me: “From now on, you are not to attend meetings with them. I forbid it!”

Afterward, whenever my husband discovered that I still had gatherings, he would seem to change into another person, with a dangerous gleam in his eyes. Seeing him like this, I was very afraid in my heart, for during the years of our marriage, though sometimes we quarreled, I had never seen that kind of expression in his eyes. I recalled that in the past when I believed in the Lord, he never persecuted me, but now when it came to my believing in Almighty God, he seemed to completely lose his reason. No matter how I explained it to him, he didn’t listen to me, making me feel restrained in gathering with the brothers and sisters of The Church of Almighty God. Later, a sister heard my situation and fellowshiped with me, “From the outside, what you have encountered today appears to be the obstruction from your family, but in reality this is a spiritual battle. God intends to save us, but Satan is unwilling to see that. Therefore, it thinks up every conceivable way to disturb us and use our weak points to attack us, attempting to make us stray from God. At the same time, this is also God’s trial of us. God wants to see whether we can maintain our faith in Him and stand witness for Him in persecution.” The sister also read me a passage of God’s words: “In every step of work that God does within people, externally it appears to be interactions between people, as if born of human arrangements, or from human interference. But behind the scenes, every step of work, and everything that happens, is a wager made by Satan before God, and requires people to stand firm in their testimony to God. Take when Job was tried, for example: Behind the scenes, Satan was making a bet with God, and what happened to Job was the deeds of men, and the interference of men. Behind every step that God does in you is Satan’s wager with God—behind it all is a battle. … When God and Satan do battle in the spiritual realm, how should you satisfy God, and how should you stand firm in your testimony to Him? You should know that everything that happens to you is a great trial and the time when God needs you to bear testimony.” Thank God for His enlightenment. Through the sister’s fellowship, I understood: In fact I am experiencing a spiritual battle. The thing that happens to me now is a wager Satan makes with God. From the outside it is my husband obstructing my belief in Almighty God, but actually, it is Satan using my husband to disturb me. Satan wants me to become negative and weak, blame and misunderstand God, and eventually leave my church life, betray God, and return under its domain. After knowing this, I was determined to bear witness for God and not to be used by Satan and become its captive anymore. However, I still felt some weakness in my heart, for every time when I was going to the meetings, my husband would make some sarcastic remarks. Once the meeting time came, I always felt very nervous, afraid that if in future we quarreled every day then life would be difficult for me.

In pain, I came before God and prayed: “Oh God, the environment I am facing now is Your test for me. I don’t want to be restrained by my husband, but I am very weak. God, please give me strength and courage. Amen!” A few days later, a sister sent me two passages of God’s words: “You must have My courage within you and you must have principles when facing relatives who do not believe. But for the sake of Me, you must also not yield to any of the dark forces. Rely on My wisdom to walk the perfect way; do not allow the conspiracies of Satan to take hold.” “You must quiet your hearts at all times, live within Me; I am your Rock, your Backer.” After reading these God’s words, I had faith and strength inside. I also felt God was by my side, that He understood my situation and knew I was flustered, and that as long as I called on Him He would help and guide me. Right! God is my reliance. God is my strong rock. I can’t shrink back any longer, I should rely on God to face such an environment. With this in mind, thereupon, I said to my husband, “I will do all the housework properly, but please don’t interfere with my belief in God. My resolution to believe in God will not be changed anyway.” Hearing my words, my husband was extremely angry, yet I was not restrained by him anymore, and after that, I still regularly gathered with brothers and sisters.

Later, my husband changed his attitude toward me. He suddenly treated me very well and said that we should work on our relationship. Then, every day he would actively accompany me to do exercises in the morning, and invite me to watch TV and chat with him at night. On holidays, he asked me to take our children to my former church, and he also said that he was gonna believe in the Lord with me. Previously, I looked forward to living such a life, but now, faced with my husband’s attentions, I just couldn’t feel happy anyhow, for in my heart I knew it was also a trick of Satan. Satan used various tricks to entice and deceive me, didn’t it want me to give up believing in God and ultimately lose the opportunity of God’s salvation? Satan is too despicable and too evil! Then I thought of some God’s words: “You must not throw away the truth for the sake of a peaceful family life, and you must not lose your life’s dignity and integrity for the sake of momentary enjoyment. You should pursue all that is beautiful and good, and should pursue a path in life that is more meaningful. If you lead such a vulgar life, and do not pursue any objectives, do you not waste your life? What can you gain from such a life? You should forsake all enjoyments of the flesh for the sake of one truth, and should not throw away all truths for the sake of a little enjoyment. People like this have no integrity or dignity; there is no meaning to their existence!” Yeah, I cannot lose the opportunity to gain the truth for the sake of coveting the comforts of the flesh. Now that Almighty God’s work is the true way, I should walk the path without hesitation. At the moment, I thought of Job. He had principles in treating any person, event, and thing, and he treated his wife, sons and daughters, and friends all based on the principles of truth instead of emotions. I should follow Job’s example and be a person who acts with principles. So, I said to my husband, “As your wife, I can accompany you, but when it is time for me to attend meetings I must go.” To my surprise, this time my husband didn’t say a single word, and I felt that his attitude toward my faith was slowly changing.

Not long after that, my husband tried another trick—he asked me to give a call to the pastor’s wife of my former church in Taipei. I did not think it was necessary to do so, yet he insisted, and in the next few days he kept asking me whether I had called her or not. Unable to bear that, finally I called her telephone. At first, when we made small talk my pastor’s wife spoke to me in a gentle tone; however, when I asked what she thought about The Church of Almighty God, her tone suddenly changed, and she said many words that opposed and blasphemed against God. At the moment, my heart leapt into my throat, because my phone’s speaker was turned on and my husband could hear every word she said. I worried that after he finished hearing these words, he would prevent me from believing in Almighty God even more. Very nervous, I silently prayed to God in my heart: “Oh God, in the face of such an environment, I don’t know what to do. I ask You to give me Your wisdom.” At this time, some God’s words occurred to me, “Almighty God, the Head of all things, wields His kingly power from His throne. He rules over the universe and all things and He is guiding us on the whole earth. We shall often be close to Him, and come before Him in quietness; never shall we miss a single moment, and there are things to learn at all times. The environment around us as well as the people, matters and objects, all are permitted by His throne. Do not have a complaining heart, or God will not bestow His grace upon you.” God’s words made me understand: Almighty God is the one true God who created heaven and earth and all things and rules over all things. All matters and things are in His hands. The environment I encounter today is authorized by God, and within this is His good will. Now what the pastor’s wife says is resisting God and blaspheming Him, I should stand up and bear witness to God so as to shame Satan. So, I asked her, “Is there any factual basis for your words?” She hesitated a bit and said, “No. I just heard this from others.” Hearing her words, I said to her, “Without any factual basis, you’d better not speak randomly. If it is so, say it is so. If it isn’t so, say it isn’t so. We, as a Christian, must have a heart of reverence for God; otherwise, we will resist God easily.” When I finished my words, the atmosphere became embarrassed, and then we closed our talk hastily. After hanging up the phone, I had an unspeakable joy within. Meanwhile, I also saw that God’s wisdom is exercised based on Satan’s scheme. Through this call, I gained some discernment about the essence of the pastors and elders. These shepherds did not have a shred of reverence for God nor a heart of seeking the truth, and toward God’s new work, they took a convicting, resisting, and blasphemous attitude. From this I saw their truth-hating and God-hating nature. I said to my husband, “Thank you for asking me to make this call. If not, I wouldn’t be able to discern these false shepherds.” My husband found it quite unbelievable, saying, “How could your pastor’s wife be like this? Without knowing the truth, she actually shot her mouth off. As a shepherd, she is too irresponsible.”

Since then, my husband didn’t obstruct me from attending meetings any longer. Moreover, he told me that since I believed in Almighty God, he had felt my changes—I could tolerate and understand others, no longer lost my temper easily, and also wasn’t in a high position suppressing our children anymore. Now he has installed the new network on the third floor of our house, and told me that only in this way could I attend meetings in peace. I know behind all of these things it is God who has opened up the way for me. I also have felt God is by my side, and that when Satan’s tricks come upon me, as long as I rely on and look up to God, He will guide me to get through every difficulty.

After experiencing the twists and turns of these days, I have understood some truths, and gained some discernment about the schemes carried out by Satan in the spiritual world. All of these are the most precious wealth God has granted me. In retrospect, it is God’s hand that has led me along the way. Thank God for allowing me to hear His voice and return before Him. All the glory be to Almighty God! Amen!

#Christian Testimonies #Spiritual Warfare #God’s salvation

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dailyaudiobible · 6 years ago

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08/17/2018 DAB Transcript

Nehemiah 12:27-13:31 , 1 Corinthians 11:3-16 , Psalms 35:1-16 , Proverbs 21:17-18

Today is the 17th day of Auuuuugust (Brian pronounces August a it a little weirdly and laughs abut it)…although I don't think that's really how you say it…but August. It’s the 17th day of August How are you in the middle of this month and at the end of this workweek? Hope you're doing well. And no matter how you're doing, this is the right place to find some serenity and some peace and some quiet and some stillness and allow God's word to speak as we move forward and take the next step. And this week we've been reading from the Good News Translation. And, so, that's what we'll do. Nehemiah chapter 12 verse 27 through 13 verse 31 today.

Commentary:

Okay. So, we concluded the book of Nehemiah today with the dedication of the wall surrounding Jerusalem. And two choirs processed their way in opposite directions atop this newly completed wall. That must've been this moment of divine satisfaction for Nehemiah because it had been a very challenging and opposed task, but for all that they endured God had been faithful. With His guidance, the mission had been accomplished. And Nehemiah returned to Babylon to serve king Artaxerxes's afterward, but he was later granted permission to return and when he did he discovered how quickly the people began to drift away from all that they had vowed before God. Eliashib, the supervisor of the temple storerooms allowed Tobia, who had been one of the chief instigators of intimidation and discouragement during the building of the wall, he gave him access to a large storeroom within the temple to use as he pleased, because they were family related. Additionally, the Levites and singers hadn’t been resourced, right? So, they had to leave their sacred jobs to go back to their fields just to survive and to provide for themselves and their families, which, of course, negatively affected the worship, the prescribed worship at the temple, which was already being neglected. And the people also began to ignore the Sabbath in favor of trade and commerce, which horrified Nehemiah. And finally, the people began to intermarry again with the surrounding nations. So, it’s like, Nehemiah left with everything moving in the right direction and he returned to find that everything was moving in the wrong direction, the very direction that had destroyed them in the first place. So, in the face of this discouragement, this is a good lesson for us as we are enduring because nothing stays. Like, we can get everything moving in the right direction, but it's not going to stay that way unless it's maintained in our own lives and in our own relationships. So, in the face of the discouragement of Nehemiah, he turned to God. He asked God to remember all that he had done out of a true heart on behalf of the people. And that shows us another important example in leadership. In the end, we can’t always influence people to do the right thing but we can do the right thing ourselves and we can follow God's leadership by stewarding ourselves and taking responsibility for what He entrusted us to do. If we do this with a pure heart we can also pray the final words of Nehemiah. Remember this in my favor oh my God.

Prayer:

Father, we invite You into that. We invite You into everything that we encounter in Your word and ask Your Holy Spirit to speak to us, implant it in our lives. We have faced discouragement because we've tried to encourage people who do not want to make any kind of change. And often this exposes things in us, our controlling tendencies. We get bitter and angry that they will do what we want and then we realize, oh, we’re doing this to You too. That path won’t lead us anywhere. The path that Nehemiah shows us will. Although he couldn't change everyone's heart, he certainly could give his heart to You and follow You. And, so, we do this and we ask Lord that You remember the things that we've done out of a true and pure heart for Your people. And we pray this in the name of Jesus. Amen.

Announcements:

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And, as always, if you have a prayer request or comment, 877-942-4253 is the number to dial.

And that's it for today. I'm Brian I love you and I’ll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

Hello. This is Tony from Germany and I want to just call in, just to give thanks for our prayer warriors. And Victoria Soldier you always come to mind. Your prayers are so beautiful, rich, and powerful. And now I’m hearing Sonja from Tampa. And Sonja, please don’t stop calling. You speak to my soul the way you pray and it’s…I…I would love to pray like you do and I guess that is just with time maybe or maybe it’s just your beautiful gift. And you speak to me. Your prayers resonate with my soul about how powerful our prayers can be and how we can bring down God’s power here on earth, bring down His kingdom. So, I just want to thank every…the prayer warriors…and I am missing a number…but you too just really come to mind and I thank you. So, I just wanted to speak. I pray everyone is doing well. I’m grateful to be part of this DAB community. You…it is so important to me. It is an integral part of my life. God bless everyone.

Hey __ from Alabama. August 14th. I don’t know if you caught Nehemiah 8 verse 9 and 10, when the people heard with the law are required they were so moved they began to cry. So, Nehemiah who was a governor __ and the Levites were explaining all this. The law told the people, this day is holy to the Lord your God. So, you are not to mourn or cry. Go home, have a feast, share your food and wine with those who don’t have enough. Today is holy to our Lord. So, don’t be sad. Catch this, the joy that the Lord gives you will make you strong. Did you catch that? __ and how much we need grace and mercy. Then let’s not mourn her cry all the time over our past. Know you are forgiven child of God. Today, this day, is holy because you have been made holy by the blood of Jesus. So, don’t be sad. Go have a feast. Go share with others because it’s not yours anyway. And remember this if nothing else, the joy that the Lord gives you will make you strong. So, let’s live this out in Jesus name. And one thing I want to ask, I know I’ve asked before but I appreciate your prayers. I go in tomorrow morning August 15th for an echocardiogram. A virus attacked my heart earlier this summer. It gave me congestive heart failure temporarily and I just ask that the doctors are just as amazed that this happened that they’re going to be amazed that I’m completely healed in Jesus name. Thank you. Love you. Appreciate your prayers.

Good morning dear brothers and sisters. Thank you so much for all that you do for the community, for the helping and praying for each other. I am reaching out to you folks to pray for my…my broken family. My daughter committed suicide three years ago and left four gorgeous children, two of who tried to resuscitate her and tried to help her. They were 13 and 16 of the time. They are floundering. I’ve had my granddaughter here this weekend and she was just heartbroken and said she feels like she has no home since her mom has passed. Doesn’t matter where she goes it just feels wrong. And now she found a boyfriend at the age of 16 and her boyfriend is 18 and he’s an atheist. And her dad and stepmom have kicked her out of the house because they feel like they need to live by the letter of the law as opposed to grace. And I know we do need to be obedient to the calling of the Lord and I just pray that you would reach out and pray for my daughter’s children. The oldest is into pornography and has a young girlfriend himself who he is living with. And these children are just lost and we all are. And my ex-husband, the day that he and I split up, threw something across the yard and said, for God’s damnation upon whatever. And I just feel like all of this, because I chose to leave husband has ultimately broken up the family in such a way. I’m remarried __ even a brand-new marriage. So, I pray that the peace of God of all understanding. He is the God of understanding...

Hi family. This is his little Sharif in Canada. I just finished listening to the community prayer and I just love the diversity of this community, don’t you? I love hearing the different voices. And it reminded me that we are supposed to be this way. We’re meant to be different from one another. That’s what makes the body of Christ beautiful. So, I just wanted to call in and remind you and myself that there is no place for comparison in the body of Christ because each of us is completely unique. I mean, how sad would it be if Victoria Soldier felt second-rate because she didn’t write poems like Blind Tony or if Blind Tony didn’t call in because he doesn’t sound or pray like Victoria Soldier. Everyone who is part of this community contributes something vital and they do it just by adding their DNA to the mix, those who don’t, and as much as those who do. So guys…ahhh…the truth is, each one of us is Jesus’ favorite. Did you know that? When we know and experience that, His specific and unique affection for each one of us, it frees us from measuring ourselves against someone else. So, I just want to thank you all for embracing me as I am, his little Sharif who prays with doodles and puzzles and whatever else. And I want to thank you for being exactly who you are. Please don’t try to be anyone else. We need you to be you and I like you the way you are. So, thank you so much for being a part of this community. I love you family, each one of you. God bless you. Bye-bye.

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lyannas · 7 years ago

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"Remember, she is Dornish.”

Or, Dorne is Westeros’ erotic, exotic, made complete with a helping handful of racism on top.

As someone from a West Asian culture living in a Western country, I had noticed something early on in the depiction of the Dornish that hit close to home and sat ill with me. To begin with, we were informed of the existence of the Dornish yet did not meet a prominent Dornish character until book 3, Oberyn Martell, who was observed through Tyrion’s POV chapters . Before we meet him, a few things are made clear: Dorne makes wine, they’re still upset over Princess Elia’s death, and they are very much the other. When anyone from north of Dorne speaks about the Dornish, they specify it as such, referring to them as Dornish, Dornishmen, and Dornish women. They are set apart from other Westerosis in the similar way to the Iron Islanders. Their culture is different, therefore specifications are required. While this in no way is a bad thing, as all cultures should be different in some way, discussion of Dornish culture by non-Dornish sources reveals a type of racism reserved specifically for the Dornish. Tyrion when he first meets Oberyn considers cracking asking “if he knew how a Dornishman differed from a cowflop”, an example of the casual racism that all non-Dornish seem to hold of the Dornish.

The problem goes beyond the racism of the Westerosi characters, however. George R. R. Martin failed the Dornish (and the Essosi) in several aspects of writing, by using racist tropes in his depiction of them and by introducing the Dornish so late and with so little. He did not introduce a prominent Dornish character until book 3, did not provide a Dornish POV until book 4, and even then gave us very little. Of the 9 Dornish POV chapters in books 1-5, one of them belongs to the pretty racist Reachman Arys Oakheart, 2 belong to the Norvoshi Areo Hotah, and the last 6 are split between Quentyn (4 chapters) and Arianne (2 chapters). While there appears to be more Arianne chapters to come in TWOW (2 so far), this is a shockingly small amount of Dornish perspective, with Quentyn’s story not even taking place in Dorne (and ending with his death).

In this essay, I’ll tackle the history of this anti-Dornish racism, how it is practiced by those in Westeros and abroad, and the (often racist) tropes Martin uses to prop up it.

Culture and Ethnicity

Before delving into the issue of anti-Dornish racism itself, it might help to provide context as to who the Dornish are, and what makes them so culturally and ethnically unique in the first place.

Dorne was first populated by the First Men and later by a smaller group of Andals. They had also historically been an ununited country with many kings and lords. That was until about 1,000 years prior to the events of ASOIAF, when Princess Nymeria of Ny Sar led her people on ten thousand ships from the Rhoyne to Dorne. The Rhoynar who boarded her ships were the last survivors of the Rhoynish Wars fought between the Rhoynar and the Valyrians.

Perhaps recognizing her power and her great numbers, Mors Martell pursued an alliance with the Rhoynish princess, and together the two of them managed to conquer Dorne and unite it for the first time since Dorne was settled. The two would marry, and their children presumably continued the Martell line. Princess Nymeria would also later marry two other Dornish lords-- a Lord Uller and a Ser Davos Dayne.

The Rhoynar brought with them some significant customs. One such custom was House Martell’s new titles of “princes” and “princesses”, instead of “kings” and “queens”. Yet despite this being a specific Rhoynish custom, there is a misunderstanding among canon sources re: Nymeria’s title. She is often referred to as a “warrior queen” in the context of the books, and there is even a book titled “The Loves of Queen Nymeria”-- despite the fact that Nymeria was never a queen, she was a princess, as per the Rhoynish fashion. It’s a small and subtle proof of how Rhoynish culture (and by extension, Dornish and Essosi cultures) are misunderstood by outside sources. Another thing was their religion, which died out in favor of the Faith of the Seven. The third and perhaps most culturally significant thing was their laws of inheritance. The Rhoynar practiced absolute primogeniture, which allows the firstborn child, regardless of gender, to inherit their parents’ titles and lands. This is a practice that is carried out among most Dornishmen, though GRRM had noted in an interview that some houses in the mountains still practice the First Men laws of male-preference primogeniture.

The alliance with the Rhoynar also came with extensive intermarriage:

When Mors Martell took Nymeria to wife, hundreds of his knights, squires, and lords bannermen also wed Rhoynish women, and many of those who were already wed took them for their paramours. Thus were the two peoples united by blood.

It also came with “wealth”, described mostly as their skill in metalworking:

The Rhoynar brought considerable wealth with them; their artisans, metalworkers, and stonemasons brought skills far in advance of those achieved by their Westerosi counterparts, and their armorers were soon producing swords and spears and suits of scale and plate no Westerosi smith could hope to match.

This in particular is of interest, as a brief exchange between Tyrion and Illyrio shows how Westeros underplays the Rhoynish influence on metalworking in favor of emphasizing Westerosi accomplishments:

"What sort of gods make rats and plagues and dwarfs?" Another passage from The Seven-Pointed Star came back to him. "The Maid brought him forth a girl as supple as a willow with eyes like deep blue pools, and Hugor declared that he would have her for his bride. So the Mother made her fertile, and the Crone foretold that she would bear the king four-and-forty mighty sons. The Warrior gave strength to their arms, whilst the Smith wrought for each a suit of iron plates."

"Your Smith must have been Rhoynish," Illyrio quipped. "The Andals learned the art of working iron from the Rhoynar who dwelt along the river. This is known."

"Not by our septons." --Tyrion II, ADWD

There is also the Rhoynish “water magic”, which is credited for the natural growth of Dorne:

Even more crucially, it is said the Rhoynish water witches knew secret spells that made dry streams flow again and deserts bloom.

Thus after a thousand years of intermarriage, assimilation and unity, it’s acknowledged that the Rhoynar invasion had a great impact on Dornish culture and their ethnic makeup. The Rhoynar were theorized to have olive skin, dark hair, and dark eyes, features we see continue to exist in the Dornish, namely in those who live along the coast and in central Dorne. The permissive attitude towards same-sex relationships is also credited to the Rhoynar.

During his unsuccessful Conquest of Dorne, Daeron I would proceed to categorize the Dornish based on his own observations, categories that may not necessarily be reflective of the true ethnic makeup of the Dornish. He categorized them as Salty, Stony, and Sandy Dornishmen, noting that the Stony Dornishmen as descended from the First Men and least touched by Rhoynish blood. He also attributed general physical characteristics to each group. Yet despite the variability in physical appearances amongst the Dornish, one thing is made abundantly clear: they are all ethnically Dornish. They practice many of the same customs and share a common culture; there is no evidence of stony/sandy/salty distinction amongst the Dornish that the Westerosi employ and seems to be only a form of Westerosi colorism. The Westerosi themselves do not consider one group of Dornishmen to be better than the other. They are Dornish, and that is that.

Dorne is also home to a huge commerce hub, as they have many types of spices, fruits, their own brand of wine, and their famous sand steeds, reputed for being the fastest horses with incredible endurance. They are also noted as trading across the sands using caravans, and conducting trade in Essos. These are among the many things that mark the Dornish as unique from the Westeros. Unfortunately, it is also their uniqueness that’s used against them by prejudiced Westerosis.

History

The reasons for Dorne’s distinction are made clear when analyzing the history of Westeros and its relationship with Dorne. Dorne had been the only kingdom not conquered by Aegon and his sisters, and was left unconquered for nearly 200 years, until Daeron I Targaryen tried to do what his predecessors could not. This cost him his life, as well as the lives of Lyonel Tyrell and Rickon Stark, both the respective lords of their houses. It was estimated that at least 50,000 Westerosi died in the conquest, which had come undone through a Dornish rebellion, and did not end until Baelor Targaryen sought peace with the Dornish. This peace was sealed through the marriage of Daeron II Targaryen and Mariah Martell, and Daeron II brought Dorne into the Seven Kingdoms through another marriage between his sister Daenerys Targaryen and Maron Martell.

But before Daenerys and Maron’s marriage, King Aegon IV launched an unprovoked attack on Dorne in hopes of conquering them again. Aegon IV was noted as having an intense hatred of the Dornish, one that likely began during his time as a commander during Daeron I’s Conquest of Dorne. Such a hatred did not prevent him from taking Cassella Vaith, a Dornish hostage, as a “mistress”, where he kept her confined to his rooms and presumably raped her, as Cassella would be described as suffering a sharp decline in mental health after the ordeal.

Aegon IV used that same hatred he had that thrived in the marches, stormlands, and the Reach to launch an attack on Dorne that proved to be a complete and utter failure. His son, Daeron II, was married to Mariah Martell at this point, and had the support of the Prince of Dorne. It was no secret that Aegon IV hated Daeron II, hated the Dornish, and tried to undo their power before he died-- which ultimately, he would fail at.

The bloody events of the conquest and the prolonged period of time in which Dorne was an independent kingdom had served to further other the Dornish, who despite joining the Seven Kingdoms, had retained much of its unique culture. Even so, they negotiated multiple marriages into the royal family, one of which would peacefully bring Dorne into the Seven Kingdoms. Martells would marry Targaryens three times, and there is one recorded marriage between a Dayne (Dyanna) and a Targaryen (Maekar I). All of these marriages resulted in the current generations of Martells and Targaryens, save for the marriage of Elia Martell and Rhaegar Targaryen (provided that Young Griff is not truly Aegon VI).

These marriages unfortunately did not increase their popularity amongst the Westerosi. The World of Ice and Fire notes that the concessions that Dorne had won through the marriage between Daeron II and Mariah Martell had upset some the powers at court (concessions that took two years to settle, not exactly easily given). Such concessions included keeping House Martell’s titles of “Prince” and “Princess”, lax tax collection, and the autonomy to maintain their own laws. Daeron II’s court whispered that his firstborn son, Baelor, looked “more Martell than Targaryen” with his black hair and eyes, and he was derided for his name, as the Baelor who came before him was perceived as feeble (and coincidentally, was remarkably merciful and forgiving towards the Dornish; he had pardoned the Dornish prisoners taken during the conquest when they were set to die). Those who opposed Daeron II would cite the Dornish court and Daeron’s peace with the Dornish as part of their reasoning for support Daemon Blackfyre in the Blackfyre Rebellion. In fact, it was precisely because of hate for the Dornish that Daemon gained greater support:

In truth, the seeds found fertile ground because of Aegon the Unworthy. Aegon had hated the Dornish and warred against them, and those lords who desired the return of those days—despite all the associated misrule—would never be happy with this peaceable king. Many famed warriors who looked with dismay on the peace in the realm and the Dornish in the king's court began to seek Daemon out. -- The World of Ice and Fire

Thus, anti-Dornish racism played an essential part in sparking the very first Blackfyre Rebellion, which Daemon Blackfyre would lose and which left terrible scars on the realm, stretching to present canon.

Another more subtle form of anti-Dornish sentiment came in the response to the marriage between Daenerys Targaryen and Maron Martell. Rumors began to fly that Daenerys was actually in love with Daemon Blackfyre, despite the fact that there was no evidence to support these claims. Their marriage appeared to be a peaceful and fruitful one and Maron Martell would actually come to build the Water Gardens for his Targaryen wife. We learn through the Dornish chapters that Doran has a great fondness for the Water Gardens, and enjoyed spending his days watching the children play there. It is duly significant in the fact that Daenerys Targaryen was credited for allowing children of all social classes to come play at the Gardens, and had pointed out to her son and heir re: the different children, “There is your realm, remember them, in everything you do.”-- a sentiment that Doran said was repeated to him by his mother, proof that the Dornish cherished this alliance and the peace it brought far more than the disgruntled Westerosi. Peace with the Dornish and acceptance of their presence was something many Westerosi did not want; they preferred to hate them and go to war with them instead.

A similar sentiment can be seen in the marked divide between the Reach and Dorne. This divide is an old one, as the two nations had long fought over possession of the Dornish Marches along their borders. It was deepened by the assassination of Lyonel Tyrell during the conquest where Lord Tyrell, who took on the practice of sleeping in the lord’s chambers of the Dornish castles he conquered, was murdered in a bed of scorpions. Then the divide was renewed again when Oberyn Martell unhorsed a young Willas Tyrell during a tourney joust, and Willas’s leg got caught in the stirrup, rendering that leg crippled. Despite the fact that it was an accident, and that Oberyn and Willas remained friends who kept a correspondence, this had set the Dornish and the Reach against each other once again. Olenna calls Ellaria “the serpent’s whore”, and in King’s Landing fights break out between Dornishmen and Reachmen.

Yet the most disturbing anti-Dornish sentiment we see does not stem from sour memories of war and conquest, but from plain and simple racism.

Stereotypes and the Exotic-Erotic

Pop culture, particularly pop culture in the West, and the pop culture that GRRM grew up with, has done much to regress various Asian cultures to a few simple things: sex, violence, and trickery. From Dragon Lady to harem girl to terrorist to bloodthirsty Arab tribal leaders preying on innocent white women, there’s no shortage of demeaning, othering, and fetishizing stereotypes that are still alive and well in the minds of many.

A subset of these tropes fall into a broader “exotic-erotic” trope, which involves the hypersexualization of a foreign culture. This sort of writing, where the foreign people are the most sexual people, are exemplified in pop culture tropes such as the dragon lady trope, harem girl, hot g*psy woman, spicy latinas, fetishization of black women,-- all tropes and real life stereotypes associated with non-white or foreign people being more sexually aggressive, attractive, or having lax attitudes about sex in contrast with their more reserved white counterparts. It is not a positive trope; it is a reductive and fetishizing trope meant to conflate foreignness with sexiness that far overshadows any other cultural markers that might exist. And of course, it is often exemplified by women.

Now, I should preface this by saying there is nothing wrong in theory with a society being sexually liberated, or a society that is accepting of a spectrum of sexualities. There is a problem, however, when these sexually liberated societies are almost exclusively associated with characters coded as characters of color, as I noted with the tropes listed above. This is because the sexual liberation of these characters are not actually liberating; it is part of the dehumanization of these characters and their culture, as it reduces them down to sex. This is an issue that goes far beyond Dorne, and far beyond even the scope of the characters in A Song of Ice and Fire. This is a fundamental issue with Martin’s writing.

To start with, I’ll address how this is a pervasive issue with the writing of non-Westerosi cultures. Practically every society outside of pre-Dornish conquest Westeros is associated with some form of eroticism.

The Summer Isles: Sex is considered a holy skill and is not taboo in any context. It also happens to be populated by dark-skinned, specifically “ebony-skinned” people.

Meereen: In Daenerys III of ADWD, Dany is a witness to a bizarre sex show, where dancers have artsy sex while music plays in the background. This is apparently not that unusual for the culture at all.

Dothraki: Orgies at a wedding are a normal thing. Public sex is regarded as normal, to the point where Drogo can have sex with Dany in front of his whole khalasar and no one blinks an eye. They are also amongst one of the worst written racist caricatures in the books.

Lys: Worship a “love goddess” and are known for their pillow houses and bedslaves. They are a light-skinned people, but are Essosi nonetheless.

Dorne: The people are “hot-tempered, wild, and wanton”. People sing a song about a Dornishman’s unfaithful wife and the hot-headed revenge he enacts on her partner, and everyone thinks it’s hilarious.

So essentially, as soon as you step outside of mainstream Westerosi culture, you are immediately bombarded with sex. With the majority of the characters being in Westeros, and Essos being considered the foreign side show, it becomes particularly apparent that their sexual liberation is not a mark of an advanced or more socially accepting society, but a mark of foreignness. After all, there are other practices in Essos that are amoral, such as slavery and forced castration, that are more unusual and far more abhorrent, and do not take place in Westeros.

Moving apart from the issues in writing, the exotic-erotic stereotype is also manifested in the attitudes of the Westerosi toward the Dornish. For instance, there is a song titled “The Dornishman’s Wife” that narrates the story of a man who sleeps with a Dornishman’s wife, and the hot-headed Dornishman’s revenge on said man. While it’s largely seen as a funny and bawdy song, it is actually in line with what many people truly believe of the Dornish. Westerosis push the narrative that the Dornish are incapable of monogamy and would have sex with anyone. It is oft repeated that the Dornish are hot-headed, wanton, and highly sexual. This mindset is displayed in plain terms by Arys Oakheart, who himself is from the Reach:

She sighed. "With your other princess. You will make me jealous. I think you love her more than me. The maid is much too young for you. You need a woman, not a little girl, but I can play the innocent if that excites you."

"You should not say such things." Remember, she is Dornish. In the Reach men said it was the food that made Dornishmen so hot-tempered and their women so wild and wanton. Fiery peppers and strange spices heat the blood, she cannot help herself. -The Soiled Knight, AFFC

Yep. It is a commonly repeated sentiment in the Reach (and elsewhere) that the Dornish’s spicy food is what makes them “hot-tempered” and “so wild and wanton”.

On the topic of Arianne Martell, she is presented to us first through Arys Oakheart as a lusty Dornish lover. Our first impressions of her come from Arys, whose racism towards her and the Dornish is sexualized, who describes the details of her body in cringeworthy detail, and informs us of the gross stereotypes about the Dornish outlined above. Martin sets up her character as the hypersexualized, exotic-erotic foreign girl: lusty and sexy and with huge nipples, apparently. She exudes sexuality and greatly enjoys sex, and we later learn that this is not entirely an act-- Arianne is sexual in a way that no other POV character is, which is significant when there are only two Dornish POV characters. Aside from her first highly sexualized introduction, in her POV chapters we learn that she has a huge sexual imagination (she’s even imagined having sex with her uncle Oberyn) and sexual experiences from a young age. She notes that she had her first sexual experience with Drey, accompanied by Tyene, at only ten years old where it might have escalated further if it were not for Drey’s overexcitement. She would lose her virginity to Daemon Sand at fourteen years old. By 23, she has had many lovers, including the knight of the Kingsguard, the pretty racist Arys Oakheart.

But it must be said that sex does play an important role in Arianne’s narrative. As she said herself, “Prince Oberyn had armed each of his daughters so they need never be defenseless, but Arianne Martell had no weapon but her guile.” She uses sex, seduction, and manipulation as her weapons of choice to get what she wants. There is nothing wrong with this in itself; not every woman can or should have to carry a weapon to assert herself, and Arianne holds autonomy over her own body. Cersei too uses the same weapons to get what she wants, though her relationship with sex is different, sometimes even negative, and she was not allowed full autonomy with her body the way Arianne had. Arianne is still a markedly more sexual character than most of the other POV characters-- and it’s something Arys notes and uses to reinforce the stereotype he knows about “wanton” Dornish women. The exotic-erotic trope fits Arianne almost perfectly, and at the same time is used as justification for casual racism against her. In that respect, her sexuality becomes a double-edged sword.

Before I’m misunderstood, let me say that Arianne enjoying sex is not the problem here; Asha Greyjoy also enjoys sex, but she is in a very different position than Arianne. Asha is a warrior who does not rely on sex as a weapon, therefore sex is not prominent or even important in her narrative. Asha is also in a position where she has to challenge the gender roles of her traditionally patriarchal culture without being totally dismissive of her own womanhood (“Cunt again?...”). Asha is not hypersexualized by any stretch of the imagination, and no one around her attempts to paint her as such. She is depicted to us as a warrior woman with a normal, healthy sex life, and sex does not infiltrate her thoughts nearly as often as it does with Arianne. It also helps that the Iron Islanders have been in the books since book one, that they have four POV characters, and that we know that despite other stereotypes about the Iron Islanders, none of them imply that the food they eat make their women sex-crazed and “wanton”.

While we know that Tyene and Arianne had early sexual experiences, it seems the trend only continues. In a released Arianne chapter of TWOW, we see fourteen year old Elia Sand on the lap of a man twice her age and kissing him. While Arianne is quick to end the tryst, it begs the question why GRRM would write such a scene to begin with, if not to reinforce the hypersexualization of the Dornish, even amongst young girls.

However, despite the introduction of a few “sex positive” (in this case, I’d argue that they’re needlessly hypersexualized) characters, we know that this is not reflective of all of the Dornish. One has only to look to Doran Martell to see that the stereotype of overtly sexual and non-monogamous Dornishmen is untrue. Doran, despite being separated from his wife for many years, was not noted to have taken on paramours or ever even sought out an annulment or divorce. It could also be surmised that Elia Martell was similarly loyal to her husband, despite his public humiliation of her. The same could be said of Dyanna Dayne and Mariah Martell, and could be implied with many other Dornish women. Quentyn is described as almost painfully shy, what with his hiding his infatuation with Lord Yronwood’s eldest daughter for years. He was awkward with girls, and at 19 was still a virgin.

Thus, the exotic-erotic trope at play becomes a mixture of racist writing at its surface, and racist outlooks within the narrative itself. To write hypersexualization into key Dornish characters and then allow the characters around them to develop harmful stereotypes around it ruins whatever sex positive message the Dornish might have been able to send across. Worse, it is used against them in the fandom itself. The fact that “Elia would have been okay with Rhaegar running away with Lyanna because she’s Dornish” is still an oft repeated argument is proof enough. What Oberyn, a second son, has with Ellaria, which is a monogamous relationship where they share partners, is not reflective of what Elia, a princess of the Seven Kingdoms, would have wanted in her own marriage, and in fact would have posed a risk to her living children re: succession, given House Targaryen’s bloody history of what happens when the realm may choose the one sibling over another (see: The Dance of the Dragons and the Blackfyre Rebellion).

Among the Essosi, we also see this exotic-erotic trope done with Taena of Myr, for example, who despite being married admits to having had a Myrish lover and sleeps with Cersei (there is of course a power imbalance here that should be noted), and even has her genitalia referred to as a “Myrish swamp”. While that last point may be Cersei’s perspective on Taena and not Martin’s, it does again conflate Taena’s foreign national identity with her sexuality, and reflects how the exotic-erotic stereotype works in Cersei’s head. Taena’s bisexuality and her open sexuality is not a coincidence either; this trope of hypersexuality is also often accompanied by non-heterosexuality.

To better explain this, one needs only to look to the few confirmed LGBT characters we have in the books. There are some notable ones: Renly Baratheon, Loras Tyrell, Jon Connington, Oberyn Martell, Ellaria Sand, and Nymeria Sand.

Renly and Loras are a picture of devotion and true love. When Renly dies, Loras does not seek out the company of other men, instead insisting that “once the sun has set, no candle can replace it”. He is devoted to his lover in death, as he was in life. Jon Connington has a similar attitude. He was confirmed as being gay by GRRM, and indeed in the books we see him harbor romantic and entirely non-sexual thoughts and feelings for Rhaegar. Both of these loves are depicted as something pure, singular, and everlasting. They do not seek other partners, and have no desire to either.

This is in stark contrast to the writing of the Dornish characters. While Oberyn and Ellaria are indeed devoted to each other, it is confirmed that they also enjoy sharing sexual partners, and they are both bisexual. Nymeria Sand is confirmed to have two lovers, the Fowler twins, both of whom she is found abed with, implying that she is either bisexual or a lesbian. Whether or not she has other lovers is unclear, but being a lover to a pair of female twins certainly sets her apart from the sexual norms of Westeros. Their sexualities are not depicted as virtuous within the context of the books, but instead are conflated with hypersexuality-- something that is not done with Renly, Loras, or Jon Connington.

More deviations from Westerosi standards of society in Dorne includes their fair treatment of bastards, and the rather overblown concept of having “paramours”. A paramour is a lover, which Westerosi noblemen have all the time, only the Dornish are more public about it, thus it is perceived as a Dornish perversion. At least, that is what we learn from the maester who narrates TWOIAF:

There are other customs besides that mark the Dornish as different. They are not greatly concerned if a child is born in wedlock or out of it, especially if the child is born to a paramour. Many lords—and even some ladies—have paramours, chosen for love and lust rather than for breeding or alliance. And when it comes to matters of love, that a man might lie with another man, or a woman with another woman, is likewise not cause for concern; while the septons have often wished to shepherd the Dornishmen to the righteous path, they have had little effect. Even the fashions are different in Dorne, where the climate favors loose, layered robes and the food is richly spiced, ready to burn the mouth with dragon peppers mixed with drops of snake venom.

Here he mentions all of these customs as “mark the Dornish as different” that I had mentioned before. Bastardy, paramours, non-heterosexuality, all of it has been perceived as not “righteous”, particularly by septons who try to change these customs. Even the spiciness of the food is mentioned!

That is not to say that any of these customs or practices are necessarily bad. On the contrary, their kinder treatment of bastards and women is perhaps one of Dornish society’s greatest points. There is less blame and shame placed on a child born out of wedlock, and they can comfortably rise to great heights, as is demonstrated by Oberyn’s daughters and Daemon Sand. Their paramours are no different than a Westerosi’s mistress or secret lover; there is only less shame attached and more visibility, as paramours and their bastards are treated far better within society. Then of course, there is nothing wrong with same-sex love, though it is perceived as abnormal in Westeros and is the source of far too many “jokes”. However, this all ties in with how Westeros perceives Dorne: as non-righteous, hypersexual people who needed to be shepherded onto a more righteous path. All while ignoring their own faults, of course, because there is certainly very little that is righteous about Westerosi society.

In fact, in regards to sex, Westeros has made female sexuality into a public source of shame or fear. For example, Cersei’s walk of shame, which involved her walking through King’s Landing, shaved and stripped, was her punishment for having sex as a widowed woman. There is also the bedding ceremony to consider, which involves stripping the bride naked and making lewd comments about her while escorting her to her marriages chambers, an experience that was noted as frightening by Catelyn and infamously resulted in “liberties” (AKA some form of sexual assault) taken by Aerys II during Joanna Lannister’s bedding.

While I had noted before the the Dornish and Essos are both othered and sexualized in a similar fashion, we learn something extremely interesting from the Norvoshi Areo Hotah:

Dorne had seemed a queer place to him as well when first he came here with his own princess, many years ago. The bearded priests had drilled him on the Common Speech of Westeros before they sent him forth, but the Dornishmen all spoke too quickly for him to understand. Dornish women were lewd, Dornish wine was sour, and Dornish food was full of queer hot spices. And the Dornish sun was hotter than the pale, wan sun of Norvos, glaring down from a blue sky day after day. -The Watcher, ADWD

Areo’s initial perception of Dorne is not unlike the Reach’s perception. “Dornish women were lewd, Dornish wine was sour, and Dornish food was full of queer hot spices” is Areo’s version of “In the Reach men said it was the food that made Dornishmen so hot-tempered and their women so wild and wanton. Fiery peppers and strange spices heat the blood, she cannot help herself”. Areo’s perception of Dorne may have changed since, but the fact that this is something he perceived of the Dornish as someone who hailed from Essos is telling.

Conclusion

There is no denying that anti-Dornish racism exists in Westeros, and even may extend into some circles in Essos. They are the only Westerosis who are coded as characters of color, they alone intermarried with a large Essosi population, and theirs was the kingdom that had been independent the longest. A mixture of history, bad blood, and plain and simple racism + xenophobia served to create reductive and offensive stereotypes for the Dornish.

I will say this much: Westeros’s racism and xenophobia is not unrealistic. The fact that I may cite exotic-erotic tropes and even feel personally connected to the treatment of the Dornish indicates that Martin has, at the very least, accurately portrayed how a few stereotypes could affect a giant society’s outlook on a single nation, even if it was not done on purpose. The racism and self-righteousness the Westerosi possess towards the Dornishmen is realistic, but it is obviously harmful and not acceptable.

What is also not acceptable is the fandom buying into Westeros’s racist view on the Dornish. We as readers were not raised as Westerosi, thus adopting their views is unacceptable. Too many times I have seen fans use the stereotypes and lies perpetuated about the Dornish and had them passed off as fact. Someone being Dornish doesn’t automatically make them sex crazed, or hot tempered, or permissive of extramarital affairs. We should know better, and do better.

There is also Martin’s lackluster and sometimes even tone deaf writing to consider. There is no denying that the tropes he employed in writing the Dornish and Essosi are racist and poorly done. There is really no good excuse for writing in the Dornish so late, then hypersexualizing them the way he did, then employing racist tropes around that hypersexualization, then using similar racist tropes to describe the Essosi. As the only characters of color in Westeros, it stands out as more than a little heinous that they are the exotic-erotic fantasies. The Martells are also worst served when it comes to writing; there are only 5 Martell POV chapters while the Starks, Greyjoys, and Lannisters are much better served and better characterized.

This study on Dorne and the racism surrounding their writing and their narrative only serves to scratch the surface on the issue of racism in the books (and by extension, in the fandom), but I hope I’ve covered all my bases on this topic and am excited to hear the dialogue this may spark.

Special shout-out to @bitchfromtheseventhhell who edited this post for me, correcting my 100,000 spelling and grammatical errors while providing more insight in what I should and should not cover. Thank you Celia <3

And shout-out to @joannalannister, who asked me to write this up 84 years ago. <3

Thank you for reading!

#dorne #house martell #asoiaf #racism in asoiaf #meta #my meta

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aegor-bamfsteel · 7 years ago

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Naming Aegon IV’s Children

Names can have a great deal of significance in the aSoIaF universe; they can be used to honor a dearly departed family member, as a mark of gratitude for a friend or mentor, or to recognize the legacy of a prominent ancestor. These names can also have important dynastic meaning; to give a relevant example, Eustace Osgrey complained that although Daeron II bore the same name as the Young Dragon, he named his heir after Baelor I “the feeblest king to have ever sat the Iron Throne” (The Sworn Sword). This choice was likely to signify that after Aegon IV’s anti-Dornish antagonism, the Iron Throne under Daeron II and Baelor “II” would seek the same appeasement of the Dornish that Baelor I had.

This meta will be an analysis of the names of Aegon IV”s children. It will go over each of their mothers’ backgrounds to try to understand why the name was chosen and what involvement, if any, that Aegon IV had in choosing it.

Naerys Targaryen

Naerys was the youngest child and only daughter of Prince Viserys Targaryen and his Lysene wife Larra Rogare. The court was suspicious of both of her parents due their foreign backgrounds, with Larra’s family having the power to challenge Aegon III’s regents. Perhaps to prove that he and his offspring were true Targaryens, Viserys arranged the marriage between Naerys and her oldest brother Aegon, although there was no dynastic benefit to the match and the two weren’t expected to ascend the Iron Throne. Naerys and Aegon were the only Targaryens of their generation to produce (allegedly) legitimate offspring for the next 20-odd years, so they may have also felt the pressure to show their loyalty to the dynasty, which is reflected in the Old Valyrian names given to their two surviving children.

The name Daeron had previously been given to Prince Daeron "the Daring” Targaryen, King Daeron "the Young Dragon” Targaryen, and Lord Daeron Velaryon, the father of Aegon III’s Queen Daenaera. It’s unlikely the future Daeron II was named after Prince Daeron, who fought for the greens against Naerys’ grandmother during the Dance of the Dragons. While Ser Eustace may have made the connection between Daeron II and Daeron I, the older Daeron was only 10 when the younger was born and hadn’t yet embarked on the conquest for which he would win Aegon’s admiration; I doubt the 18-year-old Aegon paid him much mind at the time, certainly not enough to name his heir after him.

The name Daenerys has no direct precedents, although it does resemble some of the names given to Targaryen and Velaryon women like Daenys the Dreamer, Daena the Defiant, Queen Daenaera, and Naerys herself. It may be the name of a Targaryen woman from before their flight to Dragonstone about whom I haven’t yet read, or it could be in honor of some of the women I’ve just listed. It’s interesting to note that the names of both of Naerys’ children bear a resemblance to those of Aegon III’s Velaryon wife and goodfather, which might mean they had a close relationship. Whether that is the case or not, I can at least say that Naerys’ children have names belonging to their mother's Valyrian culture.

Megette

Megette was the smallfolk wife of a blacksmith from the Riverlands town of Fairmarket. Her husband sold her to Aegon for seven gold dragons. She stayed with Aegon for four years and had four daughters with him. After this, Viserys had her returned to her abusive husband who beat her to death. Her story is a horrifying tale about Targaryen royal entitlement and the nobility’s abuse of the smallfolk.

Alysanne was her eldest daughter, and the only one of her children who may have been named after a Targaryen, Good Queen Alysanne. However, the name appears to be common in Westeros, with some women from the Reach, Westerlands, Stormlands, North, and Riverlands being called Alysanne. It’s bizarrely endearing to think that Aegon might have named her; Megette was the only woman he said he loved who he also “married” in a ceremony, and Alysanne is the only one of Megette’s daughters not to be named after a Riverlands plant. Yet due to its popularity as a name in Megette’s native Riverlands, their eldest child may also have been named by her mother.

Willow is a common name in the Riverlands; not only is it the name of Willow Heddle, the sister of the Riverlands crossroads innkeeper (not an especially highborn person, though she does descend from landed knights), but also the name of two streams that flow into the Trident and the name of the seat of House Ryger. Willow is therefore likely a common name among the Riverlands smallfolk, explaining where Megette must’ve heard it.

Similarly, while the name Lily has no precedents in either the smallfolk or the nobility, like Willow, it is also a name that comes from a plant growing in the Riverlands. It could be a Riverlands smallfolk name, but certainly not a Valyrian-Targaryen one.

Rosey is also a plant-based name, and does appear amongst the smallfolk; in the AFFC prologue, the young daughter of Emma the Oldtown serving wench is named Rosey. Although Oldtown is in the Reach, roses do grow in the Riverlands as well, so it may also be a Riverlands smallfolk name.

Bellegere Otherys

Bellegere was the daughter of a union between a Braavosi Sealord’s son and a Summer Isles princess. (Yandel’s account that her mother was a Braavosi merchant’s daughter and her father an envoy from the Summer Isles is apparently incorrect. If he messed up basic facts like this so badly, I wonder what else he’s getting wrong?) Her name comes from her father’s culture; the -rys in her last name is also present in other surnames from the Free Cities, and lacks the distinctive Qs or Xs that seem to characterize Summer Islander surnames (Qo, Xho, Xaq, Qhoqua, Toraq). She lived an exciting life as a sometime pirate, smuggler, and sea captain; she gave birth to three children during her and Aegon’s 10-year affair, though as she had other lovers elsewhere, Aegon may not have fathered any of them.

I’d posit that her elder daughter Narha’s name is Summer Islander, since it sounds similar to other Summer Islander female names (Xanda, Chatana, Chataya, Alayaya), ending with an A and having an “rh” in the middle, which may be indicate Summer Isles origin (since Jalabhar, Xhobar, Malthar also have consonants followed by H). The name doesn’t appear anywhere else or seem to have any potential inspirations, so I don’t have much other evidence for this claim.

Bellenora, who followed her mother in using the alias “The Black Pearl”, likely was named in part after her mother Bellegere, who had a Braavosi name. I say so because it doesn’t sound like the Summer Islander names I’ve read, nor has any Qs or Xs or a consonant+H diphthong.

Balerion was named for Aegon the Conqueror’s dragon. It’s a name of Valyrian origin, but it’s not Valyrian practice to name people after dragons (Or dragons after people for that matter. The closest example to such a thing happening amongst Targaryens that I can think of is Maelys Blackfyre possibly being named for Meleys the Red Queen, but that’s not an exact match.) I suppose Bellegere knew that Balerion the Dragon’s nickname was “the Black Dread”; as she and her daughter Bellenora took on the alias “the Black Pearl,” she may have wanted her son to have a similar-sounding, fearsome nickname. Balerion is a nod to his Valyrian heritage that she didn’t give her daughters, so perhaps she was more certain about his paternity. I doubt it was because Aegon himself named him. Although he may have been proud to finally have another son, the name doesn’t follow Targaryen naming practice, and given the nature of his relationship with Bellegere, I doubt Aegon was even present when her son was born. Like Megette, Bellegere’s children were probably all named by their mother.

Daena Targaryen

Daena was the oldest daughter of Aegon III and his queen Daenaera Velaryon. GRRM described her in a 2006 So Spake Martin as “Targaryen to the bone.” She was so desperate to continue the Targaryen line that sought to shame her husband, Baelor I, into consummating the marriage by wearing all white. Even when she was set aside and locked in a gilded prison, she wanted a child to call her own. During one of her escapes from the Maidenvault, she conceived him. Some twelve years after his birth, Aegon IV claimed him as his son, bestowing upon him the ancestral Targaryen sword Blackfyre.

Yandel states that Daena named Daemon after the Rogue Prince, but I want to impress upon everyone that Aegon had no role in naming him. Daena steadfastly refused to reveal Daemon’s father, claiming Daemon was hers and hers alone. She did not conceive Daemon to seek Aegon’s favor, but because she wanted a child to rear to be a great Targaryen. So she gave her son the name Daemon after her grandfather, the last great male warrior and dragon rider in the Targaryen dynasty. I’m sure that she would’ve named her son Daeron had that not been the name of Aegon’s “son", but she still gave Daemon a venerable Targaryen name that carried a martial legacy she doubtless wanted him to live up to.

Melissa Blackwood

Melissa Blackwood was the daughter a man from House Blackwood, a family driven out of the North to settle in the Riverlands during the Age of Heroes. Though certainly an ancient family, their castle Raventree Hall is not one of the most important in the Riverlands. Melissa was Aegon IV’s mistress for five years when he was king, during which time she bore him three children.

Her elder daughter Mya shares a name with Mya Stone, the oldest of Robert Baratheon’s natural children who works as a servant in the Vale. I can’t say for certain if the name is common in the Riverlands, since we have no other incidence of it than Mya Stone, but it certainly isn’t Valyrian in origin. It’s a more humble name, perhaps one not often used for noblewomen (as her natural daughter would not receive a title), possibly an example of Melissa’s “more modest” nature.

Her younger daughter Gwenys’ name has no exact precedents or successors, but it does bear a phonetic similarity to Gwyneth. Like Melissa Blackwood, Gwyneth Yronwood is a member of an ancient family of First Men descent, so Gwenys may be an old Blackwood family name. The -nys suffix appears in a few Targaryen names, such as Rhaenys or Aenys, but also in a few non-Targaryen names like Ynys Yronwood's, so it doesn’t have to signify her Targaryen heritage.

The name Brynden appears in the Riverlands only after Bloodraven came to and fell from power, with Brynden Blackwood and Brynden “the Blackfish” Tully being known examples. That doesn’t necessarily mean no Riverman was named Brynden before Melissa’s son was born, though. In fact, the name is similar to Brandon, an ancient and common name from the North where the Blackwoods once ruled; Brynden may just be the Riverlands version of it. Since Brynden is only seen in the Riverlands, it can be assumed that Melissa gave her son a name from her heritage alone.

Serenei of Lys

Serenei was the last member of an impoverished Lysene noble family, and was Aegon’s last mistress as well. She was rumored to be much older than Aegon IV and to have concealed her age through sorcery. She was considered beautiful but haughty.

In a 2006 “So Spake Martin,” GRRM claimed that Serenei had named Shiera before dying in childbirth. The name is Lysene Valyrian for “star of the sea” (making Shiera Seastar’s full name “Star Of the Sea Seastar,” which honestly sounds more stupid than beautiful). There exists a Targaryen-Valyrian version of her name, Shaera, which was given to Aegon V’s eldest daughter. There’s also another Shiera who lived before the unification of the Seven Kingdoms: Shiera Blackwood, who might’ve become Queen of the Trident if some of the Riverlords hadn’t refused to be ruled by a woman. If I were to disregard the semi-canon SSM, I could make the argument that Melissa (who still retained connections with the court, so may have been present at Shiera’s birth) named Serenei’s basically orphaned daughter after one of the prominent female figures in Blackwood history. It certainly gives Shiera Seastar’s and Brynden Rivers’ sexual relationship another dimension! Whether my idea is true or the SSM becomes official canon, Shiera is not a Targaryen name and Aegon was not the one to name her.

To conclude, I think I’ve established a pattern when it comes to the names of Aegon IV’s children. Each of their mothers gave them a name, with Aegon’s involvement in choosing it possible at best, that reveals something about her character. Naerys gave her children traditional Targaryen/Velaryon names to show that they were members of the ruling dynasty. Megette gave her daughters Riverlands smallfolk names as a sign of her humble origins. Bellegere, a pirate queen of Summer Islander-Braavosi heritage, gave to her three children a Summer Islander name, a Braavosi name, and a fierce dragon’s name that also references her own alias (the Black Dread, the Black Pearl). Daena gave her son the name Daemon to honor the martial Targaryen legacy of which she was so proud. Melissa gave her children humble yet ancient Riverlands names to show her humility before the Targaryens, but also to acknowledge their belonging to a First Men family who were in the Riverlands long before the dragons came. Serenei gave Shiera a Lysene-Valyrian name meaning “star of the sea” to indicate her high hopes for her daughter, and that her own Lysene heritage (so hated during Larra Rogare’s time at court) was worthy of being recognized in Westeros. Thus all of the mothers of Aegon IV’s children gave their children a name belonging to their own culture and according to their own tastes.

Well, except…

Barba Bracken

And to think I’d forget a character who I’d defend until I develop CTS, the mother of the character who inspired my URL! Well, I didn’t (of course). But here’s where the pattern breaks. Here’s where things get painful.

Barba was the teenaged daughter of the unnamed Lord Bracken. Sometime before she turned 16, her ambitious father sent her off away from the Riverlands to the Maidenvault to wait on the three princesses imprisoned by their brother. Finally freed from her confinement some time later, the 16-year-old Barba had the misfortune of entering another cage: the attentions of the 36-year-old Aegon Targaryen. Without the text making clear that Barba was willing, Aegon made her his mistress when he ascended the throne. After a year of enduring the role of a royal mistress in a court that hated her, Barba gave birth to a boy two weeks before Queen Naerys nearly died giving birth to twins. Then because her father couldn’t shut up about his plans to crown her, and because Targaryens are easily offended, she, her son, and her father were banished to Stone Hedge. The name of that son was Aegor, by the way.

Aegor? According to the pattern I’ve established, Aegon IV named none of his illegitimate children, and that’s clearly a Targaryen name. Well, not exactly; it looks and sounds that way, but there’s never been a member on the Targaryen family tree with that name. Sure, there was never a Daenerys before Naerys’ daughter that I know about, but Naerys was a Targaryen whose father was obsessed with projecting an image of Targaryen-ness; it’s almost certainly a traditional Valyrian name. I suppose Aegor could be one of the pre-Aenar lords from when the Targaryens were still in Valyria. It could also be a “stem name,” like Aemon (Daemon, Gaemon) or Aegon (Vaegon, Haegon) or Aelor (Maelor, Baelor) that I just haven’t seen used like the first three (though considering the only derivative of “Aegor” I can think of is “Maegor,” there’s probably a good reason). But those two theories discount the fact that Barba named him. She’s a Bracken, and as a female teenager from the Riverlands, likely didn’t know that much about the Targaryen family naming customs. And she didn’t give him a dragon’s name like Bellegere did; looking at the rest of the Targaryen tree, Aegor is obviously supposed to be a human male name. Like the rest of Aegon IV’s children’s mothers, she could’ve given her son a name that belonged to her own culture, something like Lothar or Hendry or Jonos. So why did Barba choose Aegor, a name that sounds Targaryen but isn’t?

My guess is that it’s yet another example of the Brackens trying their utmost to gain Aegon IV’s favor. Barba or Lord Bracken didn’t choose the name to honor their own family, but to appeal to Aegon’s vanity by giving his illegitimate son a name so close to his own. If I consider the fact that Lord Bracken wanted his daughter to be Aegon’s queen, Aegor might’ve seemed a suitably traditional name for a Targaryen prince. Of course, the horrifying part is that they lacked the knowledge about the Targayens to realize that Aegor isn’t a name they use. So it’s a Targaryen knockoff name with no great legacy or history. It’s meaningless.

Why do I think this is so important that I’ve essentially dedicated this huge meta to it? I think the significance of Aegor's birth name speaks to the core of his character in a way that’s deeply tragic. In giving him a pseudo-Valyrian name, Barba and Lord Bracken alienated Aegor from their own heritage; his cousins might be called Otho or Jonos or Lothar, but he has a completely different, strange-sounding name. It’s also a permanent painful reminder (as if Aegor’s very existence wasn’t enough) of just how far the Brackens went to pander to Aegon IV, the man who later murdered two of them. While Daemon and Brynden were named by mothers proud of their own heritage, Barba gave Aegor a name with no heritage, a knockoff of the traditional names of the family who caused his true family (the Brackens and later the Blackfyres) so much pain.

Is it any wonder that later in life, he became known as Bittersteel?

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