#like looking at the notes posts about him get within a day compared to my other shit

[shadow-mans-things]

I've noticed that y'all really like it when I draw Sektor

[sweetpascal]

𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 — 𝐝𝐚𝐲 𝐟𝐨𝐮𝐫

gif by: @richardgrimes

pairing: perv!stepdad!joel x fem!reader

summary: when you do the unthinkable, joel takes it upon himself to let out all of his anger and frustration onto you. the punishments that follow are ones that officially tear you apart and turn you into an unrecognizable girl.

warnings: MINORS DNI. DUB-CON. BIG AGE GAP [18/52], joel is VERY VERY VERY mean in this chapter, face slapping, hair pulling, hella manipulation, finger sucking, spanking as punishment [with his hand and belt], TW: isolation as punishment, TW: emotional abuse, joel spits on your face, oral [m receiving], TW: forced asphyxiation, joel has a very big dick ok, masochism, sadism, dacryphilia, kinda angsty ??

wc: 7.3k

notes: i felt kinda blah about this series cause i feel like i'm not making joel mean enough compared to how some writers write dark!joel (´•︵•`) so i got really sad and put all my emotions into this chapter as a coping mechanism and made joel REALLY fucking mean and just... a horrible and nasty man. trauma ?? i think so. ENJOY. ( ˶ˆᗜˆ˵ )

edit: i posted this later than expected UGH. expect two updates in one day.

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By the time you awoke, the space beside you in bed was vacant. You have no recollection of drifting off in Joel's embrace. As you rise, the fluffy blanket cascades down, gathering around your hips. Joel must have draped it over you once you had succumbed to sleep. The absence of his clothes on the floor and the chill of his side of the bed leave you questioning whether he stayed the night at all, stirring a sense of unease within you. He had done something new, something that made you feel good, and he wasn't here when you woke up. Why? Why wasn't he here? Why do you feel so cold all of a sudden? Was this something normal that men do? Embarrassed by the series of events from last night, you pull on your discarded panties and shorts.

The sunrise had not yet begun. Looking out the window, the sky displayed an almost purplish tint with the sun barely cresting the horizon. It was a cloudless sky, yet the faint chirping of morning birds could be heard from their respective trees. Unsure of the time, as Joel had confiscated your phone and you lacked an alarm clock, the day's start remained ambiguous.

As you tiptoe out of your room, you notice the house is completely quiet. Joel usually wakes up before dawn, but today, a faint snore drifts from his and your mom's bedroom. Moving down the hall, you gently push the slightly open door further. In the dim blue light filtering in from outside, you can just make out Joel's form. He's sprawled on his stomach in the center of the bed, clutching his pillow while your mom's lies abandoned on the floor. Shirtless, the sheets are drawn just below the dimples of his back. The bedside clock shows 5:22 AM.

"Daddy?" you whisper faintly into the darkness, pausing for an answer. Only his soft snores, muffled by the pillow, meet your ears. Drawing nearer, you notice Joel is lying on his good ear, the other affected by partial hearing loss. The urge to rouse him is strong, yet you hesitate, knowing these moments of peaceful rest are few for him.

The rumbling of your stomach makes you whimper. Joel usually prepares meals for you when asked. Your mother, however, rarely agrees, often reminding you that you're old enough to cook for yourself. But Joel always protests, saying, "I don't want your pretty little hands to get all cut up and burned." Perhaps he wouldn't mind if you made breakfast just this once. It would be a sweet gesture to surprise him with breakfast in bed. You wonder if your mom ever did something like that for him.

"I'm going to make breakfast for us, okay, Daddy?" you whisper, a bit louder this time, your hand hovering just above his broad back. You can feel the warmth radiating onto your palm. When he doesn't respond, only emitting another snore, you quietly tiptoe out of the room and gently close the door, cringing when it makes a loud noise at the last moment.

Descending the stairs, a sense of unease weighs heavily in your stomach. Alone, with dark blue hues filling patches of the vacant house and shadows stretching across the walls, you almost feel an invisible presence. You find yourself wishing Joel were awake to fend off the lurking shadows. Rushing to the kitchen, you flip on the light, blinking against the sudden brightness until your eyes adjust.

Opening the fridge revealed a lackluster array of dinner leftovers, several half-empty condiment bottles, an empty milk carton, and a bag of grapes beginning to rot. It was disappointing to find nothing inspiring to cook with. A glance at the stovetop clock showed it was 5:30. The local market would open at 6, and it was only a half-hour walk away. However, the prospect of walking that distance didn't appeal to you, dramatic as it might seem. Your eyes then fell upon Joel's truck keys and wallet in the bowl on the kitchen countertop. Surely, he wouldn't mind if you borrowed them for a quick shopping trip.

Right?

By the time you returned home, it was nearly 8 o'clock. The neighborhood had fully come to life. The groceries in the truck's backseat jostled with every gentle turn. A sinking feeling emerged at the thought of Joel's anger over you borrowing his truck without asking and taking some of his twenty-dollar bills. Yet, it stemmed from a desire to do something kind for him in gratitude for his good care during your mother's absence. An excitement bubbled within you, eager to burst.

You hadn't planned to be out this long, but losing track of time and procrastinating on your tasks is a frequent issue. Joel often chides you for this, playfully urging you to get your head out of the clouds and to come back down to earth. Your only hope is that Joel remains asleep, unaware of your absence. However, the missing money from his wallet, the extra miles on his truck, and the depleted gas are sure to give you away.

As you park the truck in the driveway, you notice the porch screen is wide open, though you remember closing it before sneaking out. Your heart sinks at the sight of Joel's daunting figure in the doorway, his gaze piercing through the windshield. It's a wonder the glass doesn't crack under the weight of his stare. Your pulse quickens, a flurry of nervous butterflies takes flight in your stomach, and your palms dampen with sweat as you clutch the steering wheel tightly.

Joel points at you and then to the ground at his feet, silently mouthing, "Now." He then vanishes back into the house, clearly pissed off. Fear grips you, making it daunting to leave the truck's safety. After six agonizing minutes, you gather enough bravery to step out, your breath hitching in your throat and almost making it difficult to breathe.

After hoisting the grocery bags into your arms and nudging the back passenger door closed with your foot, likely leaving a mark on the polished metal, you make your way to the porch with unsteady steps. The door stands slightly open, and you gently push it wider. As you spin around to close it, a hand reaches over your shoulder and slams it with such force that the house seems to shake. Startled, you yelp loudly as Joel grabs your arm firmly and pulls you into the kitchen, his long strides causing you to stumble over your feet.

"Sit your fuckin' ass down," he practically barks, pulling out a kitchen chair and slams it down. He pushes you toward the chair so forcefully that the grocery bags tumble down around you. As you land on the wooden chair, the impact from Joel's shove nearly expels all the air from your lungs.

He stands over you from your seated position, towering and nearly trembling with fury. Joel's hands are clenched into tight fists, his knuckles whitening under the strain. He scratches his jaw and paces, a low growl emanating from deep within his chest as the intensity in his eyes burns fiercer. You close your eyes, sitting motionless, bracing yourself.

"Are you out of your GODDAMN MIND?!" He bends down to scream in your face, his face contorted in a way that makes him look scary and so different from the usual angry Joel you normally see. This Joel was drowning in rage. His eyes were nearly black and the lines on his face deepened as he snarled in your face. "You fucking ANSWER ME!" One hand grabs the back of your hair and yanks your head back so fast that your nerve spasms, a shrieking cry escaping your lips. His other hand grabs your face and squeezes your jaw so tightly that pain blossoms throughout your gums.

"Stop, stop, stop, please, stop!" You're babbling in his face, thick tears sliding down your cheeks from the intense pain in your scalp, neck, and jaw. You could barely catch a breath from how hard you're crying. "Da-Daddy, p-please!" You're grabbing on both of his forearms, nails digging deep through his long shirt, no doubt leaving indentations.

Joel only grunts lowly, his breath heavy and fast. His hands squeeze tighter, and he roughly shakes your head, loving the way your face scrunches up at the pain he's causing. Then, he forcibly pushes your head away, releasing his hands from your knotted hair and your already bruising jaw. Tears streaming down your face, you draw your knees up to your chest for comfort and hesitantly reach for the back of your head, while your other hand softly caresses your jaw. Your eyes are wide, reflecting a state of shock and fear. Joel's gaze is fixed on you, his frown growing more pronounced as you quiver uncontrollably.

He pulls his wallet from his back pocket and flings it towards you. It strikes your knees and tumbles to the floor, unfolding just enough to reveal its barren interior.

"You take my fuckin' truck," Joel says in a low voice, trembling with anger. He steps back, his boots thudding on the floorboards. "You take my fuckin' money." At this point, you're nearly hyperventilating, silently cursing yourself for such a foolish act and expecting him to accept it. He goes on, his tone grave, "And you sneak out without telling me, huh? What, you want more freedom than what I'm giving you here?"

The anger that Joel feels is indescribable. It's coursing through his veins like heroin, poisoning his blood and gradually taking over his body. He doesn't know what to do, or even think. All that he can do is react. How stupid of you to think this was okay. How mind-numbingly idiotic it was of him to expect you to follow his rules and obey him like a good girl. As he looks down at you like smeared shit at the bottom of his shoe, there seems to be only one option left.

Before you can react, Joel has seized your arm and pulled you up from the chair, nearly dislocating your shoulder. His footsteps are long, resounding, and forceful. Tears continue to flow as he hauls you up the stairs. You stumble on each step, crying and sobbing, while you try to keep pace with him. Your knees are banging against every edge as Joel practically drags you up the steps.

"Da-Dad-dy!" Choking on your tears, you can barely see anything. Your vision is blurry, and your hearing is muffled. Every nerve in your body is on fire. "Pl-Please, Jo-el!"

"Get up, girl! C'mon. Get your fuckin' ass up!" He grunts through labored breaths, jaw clenching tightly as he drags your body by the arm up the last step. "I've had 'nough of you."

Suddenly, he kicks your bedroom door open, your heartbreaking cries falling on deaf ears. Your body is shoved into your room with enough force to make you collapse onto the ground. You're gasping for air, your fingers slick with sweat as they frantically claw at the rug, desperate to find something to hold onto.

Joel stands motionless in the doorway, his gaze fixed on you without a trace of emotion. Thoughts flood his mind, overwhelming him like a tsunami. Make her hurt. Make her cry. Make her beg for mercy. He retrieves a key from his front pocket and observes as you pathetically curl into a ball on the floor, your shoulders shaking violently while you cry into the carpet. His hand rests on the doorknob. Before leaving, he speaks in an unexpectedly gentle tone, "Until I believe you've learned your lesson, you're going to stay here, and you're going to think about what you did."

Then, he departs and forcefully closes your door. Amidst your heavy sobs, the sound of the bedroom door lock engaging is audible. Glancing over your shoulder weakly, you notice the doorknob has been altered from before. Gone is the twist lock, replaced now by a keyed lock mechanism.

The epiphany strikes with overwhelming force. Enclosed by a door that's locked and windows sealed shut, you find yourself imprisoned with no means of escape.

Unaware of how much time has passed, you stay on the ground, curled up, emotionless. The tears have stopped, leaving behind an empty stare. The night has already set in, shrouding your room in darkness from top to bottom. Joel's footsteps are audible everywhere, hardly silent. Whenever he approaches your door, there's a halt, a moment of stillness, and then the sound of his steps resumes. Undoubtedly, he was listening with his ear against the door. Each approach brought a heaviness to your heart and a sinking sensation in your stomach.

The aroma of garlic sizzling in oil drifted from the kitchen, prompting your mouth to water and your stomach to knot with hunger. You hadn't eaten since the night before. The clatter of pots and pans, either being used or stored away, brought tears to your eyes. "Stupid, stupid girl," you chide yourself. It was foolish to attempt a kind gesture for Joel, only to have it go horribly wrong. It was a rash and impetuous move. Now, he'll never forgive you for this. This realization has you weeping once more into the spit-soaked, tear-stained rug.

Engrossed in your thoughts, you fail to notice the door has come unlocked and now stands ajar, the hallway light spilling in and illuminating your huddled form. Joel pauses in the doorway, a plate of food in hand, and tuts softly at the pathetic sight before him.

"Sit up," he commands, making his way deeper into the dimly lit room. The sound of his rough voice had your entire body tensing and your quiet cries immediately halting. When you remain still, Joel becomes irritated and prods your hip forward with his muddy boot, leaving a mark on the pristine white dress you wore especially to surprise him. "I said, get your fuckin' ass up, little girl. Don't make me tell you again."

With trembling limbs, you gradually unfold yourself, grimacing as your muscles burn. Your scalp, jaw, neck, knees, and arms feel as though they are on fire. After hours of immobility and neglecting your aching body, the pain strikes you with overwhelming force.

Joel squats before you, emitting a soft grunt as his knees pop and his lower back tightens. In silence, he extends the plate of food between you both: parmesan garlic chicken, green beans, and red roasted baby potatoes. The aroma and appearance make your eyes widen, your mouth water, and your stomach rumble.

The moment your fingertips graze the plate's underside, Joel pulls it away and sets it on the ground. Your faint smile vanishes, replaced by a frown as you meet his stern gaze. He remains silent, his stare unwavering. Looking down at the plate, it dawns on you that there's not a fork, knife, or even a spoon in sight.

"Eat," he commands, his voice a quiet murmur. Joel's gaze is fixed on you, his eyes unblinking, his facial expression shifting subtly. The softness and tenderness that were once reserved for you have vanished. He never used to look at your mom the way he looked at you. But now, his gaze is identical. It leaves you feeling sorrowful and heartbroken.

Confused and very much embarrassed at not knowing what to do, you hesitantly reach out to grab the chicken with your bare hand. Joel's hand roughly clamping around your wrist and shoving it away prevents you from doing so. There was a surge of panic that shot through you like a shotgun blast.

"No," he snaps, his eyes narrowing and his scowl deepening. It's clear he's losing patience. Joel has no time for games. "Bend down… and eat," he commands.

There's a tense, heavy moment of silence as you thoroughly think about what he's telling you to do. Warmth spreads throughout your neck and rises to your cheeks before settling on the tips of your ears. Your heart plummets to your stomach. So, like an obedient little dog, you lower your head down to the plate on the ground and begin eating.

Joel smiles at your obedience, one hand gently petting your head and tenderly massaging the tendrils of hair connected to your scalp that he viscously yanked. He softly quiets you when you flinch and unintentionally whimper. He maintains the gentle, affectionate strokes of his hand through your hair, even gathering it into a ponytail to help you eat more comfortably.

"That's a good girl," he softly praises, settling onto his knees in front of you and using his other hand to gently stroke your jaw. "See how easy it is to obey Daddy? You just needed some of Daddy's tough lovin', huh?"

Is this what it was? Some tough love? You've never encountered that before, much less experienced it. Since you were never a problem child, discipline was seldom necessary. Maybe this is exactly what you needed to be a good girl for Joel. Maybe this tough love is what will help you do better and learn from your stupid mistakes.

As you continue eating, Joel finds himself slowly loving the sight of you eating like a fucking mutt in front of him. Knowing that he can push you so far as to do something like this excites him. His hand tightens in the makeshift ponytail he has your hair in, and his eyes darken. Letting out a whimper that was muffled from your food, you make sure to not complain about it to Joel. He was already upset with you from earlier and you really don't want to push it further.

"That's enough," he declares, his hand in your hair stopping your movements while his other hand takes your plate away, leaving half of the food untouched and uneaten. His hand pops you on the cheek when he hears you protesting, a pained yelp escaping your slobbered lips. He forces your head up to be eye level with his. "Listen to me, little girl. From this moment forward, Daddy will decide what you eat, when you eat it, and how much you can eat. Have I made myself clear?" His voice's tone is so authoritative that it holds no room for argument, not that you could muster one even if you wished to.

Nevertheless, you find yourself nodding within his grasp. Choosing not to protest was wise. Should this behavior be part of your punishment or his version of tough love, you certainly wouldn't want to witness him at full strength. Merely the thought was enough to make you shudder with fear once more. Joel was an incredibly strong man, often unaware of his own strength. He could break your jaw with one squeeze--he almost fucking did it this morning.

Joel mocks your nod. "Good," he hums, offering you a pleased smile as he lovingly strokes the apple of your cheeks. "Now, come to the bathroom so Daddy can brush your teeth."

Leaving your half-finished plate behind, you follow Joel into the hallway. You trail behind him aimlessly, your steps shaky and limping. He notices but chooses not to comment. It's for the best, a silent reminder that such consequences will recur if you act carelessly again.

Joel opens the door to the main bathroom and guides you inside with care. He lifts you with ease under your arms and sets you down on the countertop. A small squeak escapes from your chest, a sound that Joel finds adorable. He flashes a subtle grin and begins to wet your toothbrush, dabbing on the toothpaste. He shuffles between your thighs and thumbs your mouth open to start brushing your teeth. His actions brought you comfort, making you feel cherished and cared for. Even though you could have done it yourself, witnessing Joel display his nurturing side was touching. You longed to see more of this aspect of him, silently promising to be well-behaved with every passing minute.

"Alright, babydoll," he says as pats your thighs lovingly and rinses off your toothbrush after instructing you to lean over the sink and spit out the minty froth. "Now, get your butt back to your room and lean over the bed, panties off."

Joel notices the confusion spark in your eyes before it manifests in the furrowing of your brows. Your lips part to question him, but the words become stuck in your throat as his eyes darken and he gives a subtle shake of his head, tutting softly to himself.

"And here I thought you were goin' to start listening to me," he lets out a dark chuckle before invading your space with his strong chest pressing against yours. The force of the action causes your back to crash against the mirror, your head striking the glass while the sink spout presses into your lower back, causing discomfort and pain.

He bares his teeth just barely as he gets in your face, nostrils flaring and eyebrows furrowing, the storm brewing wildly in his eyes. Joel laughs gruffly as your eyes widen and you put your hands up in front of your body against his chest to protect yourself from his unpredictability. Oh, how cute. You were shaking under his hold like a frightened little bunny. Joel presses you harder against the mirror, no doubt forcing the sink spout deeper into your back. He grumbles pleasantly under his breath. He was causing this terrible fear clear as day on your face. The blooming bruises on your body are caused by his hands. The finger shaped bruises looked like a work of art on your delicate skin.

"Oh, babydoll," his breath fans across your face. He gives you a mocking pout, hushing you softly when the tears spill. "You're makin' it real hard not to paint that ass black and blue, you know that?"

Your bottom lip trembles and your body quivers, eyes shutting tightly as you mentally prepare yourself for Joel's next action. Tears spill and disappear underneath your aching jaw. He wipes them away at first, but when they keep sliding down, he wipes a tear-stained thumb across your lips before pushing the appendage deeper into your mouth and pressing down on your tongue.

"D'you taste that?" He asks you so quietly that you almost missed it. He's looking at his thumb between your lips and bites down on his own. Joel gazes into your wide eyes, which stare back at him as if he were the boogeyman. In a way, he is. "That's the taste of fear, sweetheart. Don't it taste fuckin' delicious?" The laugh he lets out is depraved, deranged, and delirious. With his thumb still in your mouth, he uses the other fingers to wrap under your chin before using that grip to force your head to move up and down roughly. "That's what I thought. Now, I ain't going to ask you again, babydoll. Take your ass back to your room and take off your fuckin' panties. When I get back, you better be leaning over the edge or so fuckin' help me God."

The mere threat was sufficient to send you scuttling down the hallway, pushing past Joel in a rush to get to your room. He watches you do so with a sadistic smile on his face. To see you react in such a way has him so fucking hard in his jeans. He cups a hand over the thickness and squeezes. There was a brief warmth pooling in his groin, and he let out a husky moan before his hand falls away. In due time, he silently tells himself.

Shaking, stuttering breaths were muffled in the bedding. You did exactly as you were told. The tips of your toes just barely skimming the rug, you were leant over the edge of the bed with your panties pooled at your ankles. One of your hands had blindly reached across the bed to grab onto your stuffed animal to curl an arm around it and press it against your side. The only comforting thing you can have at this moment that can hopefully ease the unsettling anxiety that won't go away.

Uncertain of how much time has passed, it might have been five minutes, ten, or perhaps even an hour. You caught a fleeting sound of Joel entering the room to retrieve your plate, then he left, securing the door with a lock behind him.

Long stretches of silence enveloped you, allowing the sound of your own heartbeat to echo mercilessly in your ears. It was a fleeting moment of tranquility before Joel determined his next move. In this stillness, sleep nearly overtook you, the exhaustion from hours of weeping creeping up silently. Then, the door unlocks, knob slowly turning. The ominous creaking of your door opening has you tensing as you hold your breath.

The steady stomp of Joel's footsteps enters your room before the door is shut behind him. The sight of you in a position that he demanded from you was driving him fucking wild. Panties at your ankles and your cute ass on display, the hem of your dress stopping just at the middle of your cheeks. He can see your pussy nearly calling out for him to play with her. But he can't, not at this moment. He needs you to understand that your actions, done behind his back, were unacceptable. They were reckless and dangerous—just the thought of it is enough to make Joel feel like punching a wall over and over.

"Now, what am I goin' to do with you, babydoll?" The question is rhetorical. He knows what he's going to do to you, but you don't. Leaving you in the dark of where his mind runs wild, keeping you pure from his deranged, perverted thoughts was for your own good. He intends to maintain a safe distance to prevent any critical harm, beyond what has already been inflicted.

The sound of Joel's voice has your hips shifting, your pussy lips just barely parted to give him a show of your exposed clit poking out from the hood that protects the exposed nerve. As he gets closer, he can see your stuffed animal in a headlock under your arm. How cute and pathetic.

"I gotta say, honey," he starts talking, his voice humorless and no longer holding that warm tone he previously had when he walked in. "It was adorable you thought I was done with you tonight. I mean, you really thought Daddy locking you up here was all that he was goin' to do?"

Unsure if the question was rhetorical or not, you still answered in a breathy voice, "Y-Yes, Daddy."

A smile makes its way onto Joel's face. "Yes, Daddy," he mocks your high pitched, breathy voice. The act of him doing so caused an embarrassed flush to warm your cheeks and ears. To be mocked made you feel so small. But that's what you are to Joel; this tiny, little thing that is so easy to crush in his big hand.

His groin rests against your ass cheeks, both of his hands lifting your dress higher until it pools around your upper back, further exposing your naked body to his eager eyes. The rough denim of his jeans and the cold metal of his zipper pressing into your backside made you hiss under your breath. Joel's hands hold onto your hips, forcing your body further onto the bed until your toes are no longer skimming above the rug, your feet now only dangling a few inches up.

"That's more like it," he grunts quietly, biting down on the plump flesh of his body limp when he sees goosebumps erupt on your soft skin. So, so fucking soft and untainted. As one hand pins you down at your lower back, his other hand gently rubs across your left ass cheek. Barely glancing at you to make sure you're prepared for what's to come, Joel mutters, "Brace yourself, sweetheart."

Then, he thwacks his palm across your skin. The force and strength of the smack made you cry out in surprise and pain. He smacks your other cheek with the same force. He does it again and again, back and forth, back and forth. Your legs kick behind you as fiery warmth blossoms along your backside. Your arm squeezes tighter around your stuffed bunny as you blindly reach a hand behind you to cover your bottom. Joel was quick to grab your wrist to pin it at your lower back.

He doesn't fucking stop spanking you. Not even when his own handprint is starting to show on your skin. He grunts with every thwack of his hand across your sensitive flesh. The cries that are forced out of you were music to his ears. Your backside feels like it's on fire underneath his wide palm; he doesn't know when to stop or ease up. The frustration and irritation from earlier were slowly making their way into Joel's mind.

"Bad." Smack. "Bad." Smack. "Fuckin'." Smack. "Girl."

Joel grunts like an animal as the smacks happen in quick succession. You're wailing into the covers, feet kicking weakly as you try so desperately to wiggle away from him. He won't stop. The pain is indescribable. It burns so badly, throbbing non-stop and feeling like a million needles are being stabbed into your skin. Your throat hurts from your pain-filled wails that are muffled into your bedding.

He's panting heavily and sweating. Wiping a forearm across his forehead, Joel removes his hands from your body, tilting one hand to the side to observe your marked ass. His handprints are on your skin, clear as day. He can feel the blazing heat radiating from your backside. But again, he's not done with you yet. And he tells you just that.

"Quit your fuckin' whinin'," he orders, both hands lowering to his thick leather belt to undo it from the hoops of his jeans. "We're not done until I say we're done." He folds the leather and snaps it together, the resounding sound causing you to cry harder in the sheets.

You learned your lesson. You know that you've been a bad girl. You know this. But the words fail to emerge, your voice and mouth unable to coordinate effectively enough to communicate with Joel. A tumult of emotions rages through your violently trembling body: fear, confusion, intense pain, and fatigue.

Folded, thick leather smacking against tender, angry skin is what forces a scream to erupt from your throat. With your bunny discarded, both hands desperately grab at your bedsheets to pull you away from Joel and his offending belt. You can faintly hear him sucking his teeth before one of his hands roughly yanks you back down by the back collar of your dress.

"Cry as much as you want to, babydoll!" he shouts through your pained wails. Then, the belt strikes across your ass repeatedly. Joel was barely giving you time to breathe through your tears and dribbling snot and drool that slides down your chin. "Kick all you want! Daddy ain't stopping!"

He lowers the position of the belt so that he can strike the back of your thighs as well. You're sure that after tonight, you won't be able to sit or speak for a very long time, for your vocal cords are nearly shattered from how hard and loud you were screaming, and Joel's hands and belt are bruising your backside. You're wishing that this torture will end. You're wishing that Joel will stop and hold you while you cry in his arms like a blubbering baby. Stop. Stop. Stop.

"Stop!" You screamed and screamed, both hands desperately reaching back to cover your backside. Everything burns. Everything feels like it's on fire. The pain only intensified when Joel tossed his belt aside and resorted to the palm of his hand again. "Please, please, stop, p-please!" Your speech now slurred and unrecognizable from thick tears, your hands claw at Joel's wrist, his hand wrapped around both of your own wrists to pin at your lower back again.

Only then does Joel snap out of it.

He's breathing so heavy that an innocent bystander would think that he was having a panic attack. Joel looks down at his creation and finally pulls his hand off of your wrists. Your arms go limp at your sides; you don't even bother trying to cover yourself. He looks at your backside, his thumb gently wiping away some blood that dotted around broken skin that was caused by his belt. He hums thoughtfully, bringing his thumb to his lips and licking your blood from the tip. In a day or two, your ass was going to be badly bruised and marked, all thanks to him.

"Such a sweet girl," he whispers, leaning down to press his nose behind your ear and inhaling deeply. Your body violently shakes underneath his chest. His groin is crushed against your horribly bruised ass, the pressure of it making you cry weakly, all the energy suddenly drained from you once he stopped abusing your ass.

Glancing down at his hard cock, now thick and pressing uncomfortably into his thigh, Joel decided now would be a good time for you to make him feel good. Though he knows you're not up for it, he doesn't fucking care. A darkness lurks within his mind, akin to an alter ego that commandeers his body, a monster in its purest form. This other facet of him is sadistic, vicious, and relentless. With you, it's so easy to fall into this second body. It's addicting. He can't stop, even if he knows this is wrong.

With a hoarse grunt, Joel grabs the back of your arms and yanks you off the bed to drop you down onto your knees. With a hand under your chin to keep your face pointed up to him, his other hand unbuttons his jeans and pulls them down, along with his underwear. He pushes both offending fabrics mid-thigh, sighing with satiated relief when his cock slaps up, nearly poking you in the eye.

You could hardly pay attention. Your eyes were unfocused and hazy, swollen lips parted to inhale and exhale shakily. You were so deep in another world that Joel had to roughly shake your head to bring you back down the earth. Unsure of why you feel so dizzy, you tried focusing on the pain in your backside that was still throbbing relentlessly, the burning fire now sizzling into a numb sensation.

"Tongue out," Joel demands roughly as he holds your hair into a makeshift ponytail with one hand as the other holds the base of his cock to tap his leaking tip against your lips.

Hearing his order, you look up at him with tear-filled eyes and do as you're told. You don't even know what exactly you're doing, but all you can hear in your mind is be a good girl and listen to him. Your eyes almost cross as you get a better look of his cock, and they widen comically. God, Joel was really long and thick. You wondered if all men were this size. It was intimidating to look at. You don't know if even less than half could fit in your mouth, let alone inside of you. Joel observes the revelation in your eyes and drops his left into a wink.

"Careful with your teeth, baby," his voice was gruff and strained, his mushroomed tip throbbing against your lips as his heavy balls tighten from the warmth pooling intensely in his groin. "Yeah, just like that."

His praise was something that you desperately needed tonight. Forgetting about the unrelenting abuse you endured on your backside, you can make it up to him by showing you that yes, you really are a good girl, and you will listen to him and do what you're told.

When you take too long to give Joel what he wants, he decides to take charge in one way that he knows how. Both hands grab either side of your head, forcing it to stay still as he shoves half of his cock into your mouth. Your eyes widened and you sputtered sloppily around his dick, your hands frantically fisting his jeans at his thighs. He grunts and groans, sweat pooling behind his neck and sliding down the line of his back.

"Goddamn," he hissed under his breath, moving his hips forward and back to start fucking your mouth with a brutal pace that has his balls slapping against your wet chin. "Born natural, ain't ya?"

Coughing and choking around his cock, you gagged and dry heaved as his thickness fills your mouth repeatedly. Spit dribbles down your chin and slides down your chest as you bite back the bile pooling in the back of your throat. Joel's breathing stutters for a split second at the sight below him. Your lips were obscenely stretched around his girth, eyes wide and glassy with thick tears just waiting to spill over. The sloppy, wet noises coming from your mouth nearly made him bust right in your mouth.

"Let me try somethin'," Joel mumbles to himself before roughly grabbing the back of your head and forcing your head all the way down until your nose and lips were crushed against his dark public hair. The contractions of your throat squeezing around his cock has him moaning gruffly at the ceiling, his head thrown back, Adam's apple bobbing in time with each moan that comes out.

Taking advantage of Joel's lax state, your nails dig into the thick meat of his thighs to push yourself off of him. His cock slips from your lips, strings of spit connecting from the enlarged tip to your puffy lips. You're coughing and dry heaving, your throat burning terribly. Joel looks down and grins wolfishly.

His hand languidly strokes his soaking cock. The sight of you struggling from his size was an image he wanted to engrave in his mind so he can watch it over and over again. He liked seeing you struggle. Hell, he fucking craves to see it again. Without giving you any time to prepare, he grabs the back of your head to force you down onto his cock once more.

The sopping wet choking sounds that are emitting from your throat are driving him insane. He wonders what would happen if he just...

Both hands roughly grab your head to yank you down until his cock goes down your throat again. This time, he keeps you there for a few, long, grueling seconds. You're sputtering wildly, eyes wide with terror as tears spill over your waterline. Your fists are weakly punching at his thighs, and you try to pull your head back, but Joel only crushes your head harder into his pelvis until your nose is pressed so deep into his pubic hair.

Joel grunts like a wild beast. "Just like that. Fuckin' choke on it." He sees your lashes flutter weakly, your eyes half-lidded and rolling into the back of your head. The lack of oxygen to your brain has your heart slowing dramatically. This is your death. Yeah, this is definitely how you're going to die: choking on Joel Miller's dick, also your mom's husband.

Suddenly, your head is pulled off and you're gasping for air like it's the last thing on earth. Your head is spinning and you're doubling over until your forehead is almost touching Joel's boots. Your throat burns and you can barely feel your tongue. This wasn't supposed to be happening. This is all your fault. You deserve this punishment. Bad girl. Bad, bad, bad girl. Slowly rocking yourself back and forth, you sniffle softly and take a weak glance up at him. A shadow almost casts over your face from where you kneeled, his long cock perfectly aligned below the ceiling light.

Joel bends down to lift you higher on your knees. His big hands gently hold your cheeks, and your eyes shut as this is the first tender touch you've felt in hours. You savor this moment, sniffling again and licking your bottom lip. Joel smiles sweetly, lowering his head to kiss your forehead, nose, and then your lips. A sweet little whimper reverberates against his lips. When he pulls away, he quietly instructs you to open your eyes, babydoll.

When you do, you're met with sweet, nice, tender Joel again. Have you really made it to the end of your punishment? Are you his good girl again? Is this really it? The moment doesn't last long. The smile on Joel's face vanishes gradually slowly. There's a sick feeling that returns back inside your stomach. This is going to be never-ending. This is your well-deserved punishment. Pain, pain, pain.

When Joel purses his lips, you flinch when a wad of spit lands on across the bridge of your nose and slides down your cheeks prettily. Your eyes open and your mouth drops. This was the most demeaning thing for him to do. Spitting on your face is a clear indication that you're nothing more than a personal toy for Joel to use. This whole entire night was of him showing you what you mean to him. The thought added a crack to your heart. All you ever wanted was to be good.

Joel's fingers filthily rub his spit all over your face, a crude smile on his face as he does so. His middle and index fingers are shoved into your mouth, the pads of his fingertips covered in his slick and are now laying against your wiggly tongue. "There we go," he breathes out, gently prodding his fingers further down your throat until they brush against your uvula, causing you to gag and sputter.

You barely have enough time to react before he's yanking his fingers from your mouth and landing a smack to your cheek. It almost sends you flying to the side if it weren't for his hand holding onto the other side of your face. Joel hushes you quietly when your eyes shut tightly, fire spreading across your face.

"This is for your own good, babydoll," he whispers against your forehead, pulling away to pop your cheek again, and then landing another smack to your other cheek. He shushes your pained cries again, giving you a messy, tongue-filled kiss. You can't stop crying against his mouth, snot, spit, and tears all over your face. The anguish won't diminish. It gets stronger and stronger the more Joel breaks you apart little by little.

His hands curl into your hair, tightening into fists and yanking your head back a few inches from his face. His eyes darken as he sees the fear in your beautifully broken eyes. He spits on your face once more, trailing his eyes over the artistic splatter across your nose and cheeks. His cock, still rock hard and soaking wet, hangs out of his jeans.

Joel is a patient man. In due time, you and he will finally become one. Whether you liked it or not, you were his--his to use, his to play with, his to destroy. You don't have a voice anymore. Joel Miller broke you apart with his bare hands and left you scrabbling to pick up the pieces.

taglist:

@yesjazzywazzylove-blog @heyhihello-4771 @blueberrypancakesworld @codenamekitten @natalieispunk @koshkaj-blog @giowritess @beardropascal @pascaltesfaye @callmeafra @nexy00 @josephquinnswhore @baronessvonglitter @peelieblue @paanchusblog @b3bybunny @sugadolly @ktluvsmen @elliesr1fle @taeslarityy @yourgirljasmin444 @laloestoyvivo @aquanatalie @vickie5446 @cowboybootjoel @olicity-boo @ashleyfilm @withakindheartx @puduvallee @psychoenergy @chuutzuyu

[ancient-and-gauntly]

Owl Post

Sebastian Sallow x Reader Warnings: None Summary: Sebastian notices you are upset about not getting post, so decides to write you a small love letter to brighten your morning

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You sat at the your house table in the Great Hall, a slight frown marring your usually cheerful face. You absentmindedly stirred your porridge, glancing around at the students who were receiving letters and packages from their families and friends. The owls soared gracefully through the enchanted ceiling, delivering messages to eager recipients.

Sebastian, your new long term flame, was sitting a few seats down and couldn't help but notice your disappointed expression. He had overheard you complaining to Poppy about never receiving owl mail, finding the mornings in the Great Hall a bit less exciting compared to others. A mischievous smile played on his lips as an idea sparked in his mind. He decided that he would be the one to change that.

Late that night, Sebastian sat in the common room with parchment and a quill, carefully crafting a heartfelt letter to you. He poured his feelings onto the page, expressing the warmth and admiration he felt for you. He sealed the envelope with a dash of wax and pressed it so it was nice and tightly closed, grinning at the surprise waiting to happen. The next morning, before breakfast, Sebastian carefully made his way to the Owlery to choose and owl to deliver the special letter. He whispered his instructions to the her and watched as it soared off into the early morning sky, disappearing among the clouds.

As you entered the Great Hall that morning, you noticed the familiar fluttering of wings above you. A brown, pleasant looking owl descended gracefully, landing in front of you with a small note attached to its leg. Surprised, you took the letter and untied it from the owl's leg. You could hardly contain her excitement as you recognized Sebestians distinctive handwriting. You look over to him, giving him a questioning look but all he did was shrug and smile, going back to the food on his plate

Curiosity and delight danced in your eyes as you slowly unfolded the parchment and began to read:

My Dearest Y/N,

I hope this letter finds you in the best of spirits, and that the sight of this owl bearing my words brings a smile to your face. I've noticed the lack of owl posts in your life, and I couldn't stand the thought of your mornings being any less delightful than they should be.

There's something magical about the way your eyes light up when you're excited or passionate about something. It's a sight I've come to cherish, and it never fails to brighten my day. I've been meaning to tell you how much I love the way you look when you're lost in thought, a thousand galaxies swirling in your eyes.

Some of my fondest memories involve sneaking on to late night walks with you after curfew on those clear nights when the rest of the world was asleep and finding a nice quiet place to just look at the stars while in each others arms. Stargazing with you is like being transported to another realm, where time stands still, and it's just us against the vastness of the universe. Those stolen moments are etched into my heart, and I find myself yearning for more every day.

And I can't help but mention the small glances we share across the common room. It's as if our eyes have a language of their own, speaking volumes in silence. Those stolen glances, the unspoken connection, they make me fall more and more in love with you with each passing day. It's a love that grows stronger, deeper, and more profound.

For the first time in a long time, I feel at home. Not just within the stone walls of Hogwarts, but within the warmth of your laughter, the gentleness of your touch, and the genuine connection we share. You've become an important part of who I am becoming, and I can't imagine it any other way.

I know we've just started this journey together, and I want you to know that I meant every word I said that first night we spent together. I am planning on spending my life with you. Thank you for believing in me and seeing the potential that no one has seen before. 

Forever and Always yours,

Sebastian Sallow

As you reached the end of the letter, face hurting from the smiling it caused you couldn't help but look over at Sebastian once more, who was watching you with an expectant grin. You eyes met, and a silent understanding passed between the two of you. You mouthed a heartfelt "thank you" to Sebastian, your eyes sparkling with gratitude.

Sebastian just winks, a mixture of mischief and genuine affection in his gaze.

[wordsvomit101]

As usual credit to Hiki (@shyanimeboi) for this god sent gift they grace me. The amount of lore drops got me feral, it feels like Christmas, it feels like summer coming.

I won't post all of it since it is best that you go support the original poster at here: Hikifans on X: "Here is part 3 of the story. Sorry it was abit of a long wait, was stuck grinding for satans beginner nightmere candy https://t.co/IStdo8f7Xs #whatinhellisbad" / X (twitter.com)

Anyway here is the ramble

True but I don't lust as much as you girl (no problem with anyone that related to MC, she's just not for me). If I have that much sexual drive in me, for more than 70 guys at that??? I need to check myself out for medical attention, or else I gonna feel dread every time the lust comes (it is surprisingly a thing that I saw people talk about on TikTok)

Ppyong is a deadly combo man, he is cocky but also a masochist. His appearance is so my type too

MC being a freak, as usual, you go sis ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

THE WAY I CHOKE ON MY OWN SPIT- Like wtf do you mean?!!!! Why are you doing this to my fujoshi kokoro??!!! I know you want to do it but how do you want to do it?!! Shibari? Choking? WHat Ishb Ittzdhbjsfbnv?!- *Error*

NAURRRRR ༼;´༎ຶ ۝ ༎ຶ༽ MC DON'T TAKE THIS AWAY FROM ME!!!!

ASK HIM!! ASK HIM TO SPILL IT ALL OUT!! I NEED TO KNOW!! TELL HIM TO SPELL IT OUT-

*Error*

So, uh, they show a close-up shot of Juno's chest and he asks if Minhyeok is hard like his and MC is a bad liar, said "probably" and Juno calls her out on it.

And MC actually admitted and said that Minhyeok's chest is actually "wide like this"???

You did??? But then again why am I surprised that she did, they had to be kissing at some point if they stuck together for more than a decade with that amount of tension between them

Ok so Minhyeok played soccer in high school, MC and he are in different classes and they were going to give him back something they lent. But come across Minhyeok changing in the classroom, pretty standard

Yup, he knows, he definitely knows and he is tempting her. Also, apparently, Minhyeok's chest is toned, but flatter than Juno's, his abs also feel different than Juno's...

If you can't tell I'm furiously taking notes right now, someone on the dev team is looking out for my shipper's heart and I wish that person woke up on the right side of the bed every day and had their taxes filled on time, etc.

Woah that has to be some intense session you got there, I awake until 3am before and I still have energy fueling me.

Relatable, highly so, I got deadlines every day during the semester. You think it's fine when you get used to it after 3-4 weeks but then it hits you with a week's worth of exams that you need to finish within that time while maintaining other stuff outside your major, and then combine it with other stuff outside uni (҂ ꒦ິヮ꒦ິ)

Too high of a standard girl, if I were him, I would already be too high on coffee and delirium to even see what I'm typing on the computer.

I'm surprised he's only tired, I expected some breakdown but then again, it's Minhyeok. The guy built different

Wait that's so cute!!! Awww (∗˃̶ ᵕ ˂̶∗)

Minhyeok sure is deep in his sleep, cause the slightest noise or outside touch would wake me tf up, I will go straight back to sleep later if it is nothing but if this happens it would me start kicking before I could even think

Built like a campus crush and act like a campus crush. If he has time to be good at sports then he most likely be in one of the SKY universities in Korea. If he also doesn't go to Hagwon then that would be even more crazy

Ok rude, you not even gonna clean the wet chair up??? Even if you're my best friend, I would still drag you back to clean the mess yourself cause ain't no way I'm touching the juice that came out of your bussy

THE TENSION IS REAL BOISSS

I know what you are MC and don't worry I won't judge, just tell me how big the file is compare to others

Ok, that is it, love part 3, they feed me a good amount of lores, and thank you again to the heaven-sent Hiki (@shyanimeboi), please watch the full video on their channel. I couldn't do this without them sharing this with all of us for free at that 🛐🛐🛐

Thank you for reading through my fangirling and good days to everyone!

[princeasimdiya12]

Bucchigiri Utena Parallel-Wannabe Heroes and the Illusion of Fairy Tales

Apart from the NNL segments, I've also had some thoughts on the Bucchigiri storyline and it's parallels to the themes of Revolutionary Girl Utena. And this time my focus as been on Matakara, who has often been hailed as being the true protagonist and hero of the story because of his honorable, kind-hearted and proactive qualities. Much like Utena herself.

And like Utena, the two share a somber backstory where they held on to fairy tale beliefs to help them overcome their hardships and grow into the heroic figures they wish to be. But what they don't know is that they naively followed these tales without realizing the misinterpretations of those beliefs that have been passed down for generations and would soon become victims of the fairy tale figures that once inspired them.

But before I can delve into that story, we need to talk about this story.

Note: This post will contain MAJOR SPOILERS from the Revolutionary Girl Utena anime. If you still haven't watched it and want to be unspoiled, then please refrain from reading this until you've seen it. If that doesn't bother you, then go on ahead. Also, I would strongly recommend speaking with a friend or a reliable user about the dark and trigger-worthy content featured in Utena before watching. It's a great show but it does get DARK.

Also, there's another user who's planning on making an analysis post comparing Matakara and Anthy Himemiya so keep an eye out for that if you're interested in more Bucchigiri-Utena parallels.

Part 1: Origins of an Orphan

To start, Matakara's backstory and his idolization of Arajin has multiple similarities to Utena's backstory. For the purpose of this section, I'll be using the version that was shown to us in Episode 1 and not the true version.

"Once upon a time, many years ago, there was a little princess and she was very sad. For her mother and father have died."

The first piece of info that Utena gives us is that she was an orphan and was in despair because of her parents' deaths. Though Matakara's own parents haven't been brought up nor has it been explained what became of them, it's clear that he lost them at an early age. And while he did have his older brother and his presumed relatives to watch over him, this did very little in helping Matakara overcome his grief or escape the shadows that haunted him since he was little.

"Before the princess appeared a traveling prince riding upon a white horse. He had a regal bearing and a kind smile. The prince wrapped the princess in a rose-scented embrace and gently wiped the tears from her eyes."

While lacking the regal bearing and white horse, Arajin was the traveling prince who came into Matakara's life and inspired hope and light within him. As shown in their flashbacks, he was always a friendly and cheerful boy who radiated confidence and spirit. A true hero that Matakara could look up to and help him overcome his sorrow.

"Little one, he said, growing up alone in such deep sorrow, never lose that strength and nobility. Even when you are a young lady. I give you this to remember this day, we will meet again. This ring will lead you to me one day."

The crux of Matakara and Arajin's friendship was their desire to train and grow into becoming true Honki people. Warriors with strong hearts and did not flee from battle. Arajin genuinely saw that Matakara had that potential and encouraged him to train alongside him.

And what's more noteworthy is that the two are given a token to immortalize the moment. Utena is given a rose ring to remember the prince and her own nobility while Matakara is given a friendship stone to remember their bond as future Honki People. Even as their fated princes leave, the two heroes carry those precious tokens well into their adolescence years, never forgetting their mission of becoming the people they want to be.

It could also be argued that Mitsukuni, his older brother, could qualify as the prince in this scenario as he inspired him to stay strong in the face of adversity. Such as in Episode 8 where he explained the creed of the Honki and how he inspired his little brother to be brave like them. He even brings up their creed to Matakara just before he's hauled away to the big house.

"Perhaps the ring the prince gave her was an engagement ring. This was all well and good but so impressed was she by him that that the princess vowed to become a prince herself one day."

So the cherished prince rides off into the world leaving Utena alone, much like Arajin and even Mitsukuni would leave Matakara alone because of their respective issues. But rather then succumbing to despair, the two heroes resolved to maintain the noble spirit that those heroic figures saw in them. Utena went on to become a prince herself while Matakara would become someone worthy of being a Honki person. Though Matakara struggled more on his journey given how he threw himself into bloody battles while being alone, he would eventually be adopted into the Minato Kai Gang and become closer on his path to becoming a Honki person.

And just before we can go straight to Utena's story in the present, the fairy tale closes with a question to the viewer.

"But was that really such a good idea?"

For first time viewers, it's easy to interpret this question about Utena, a girl, becoming a prince since it defies traditional gender roles and what is expected in classic fairy tales. But as the RGU story progresses, we see that the concern comes not from a girl becoming a prince but more on the problems that come with being one.

Two in particular stand out. The first is that men who become princes usually use those roles for the sake of superiority and having control over women. They lack the nobility a true prince should have and relish in the title because of it's power and privileges. The second problem, and the one that this analysis post will focus on, is how princes who live up to those roles are exploited by the people they try to protect.

Part 2: The Truth That is Twisted by Time

All fairy tales, legends, myths and stories which have been passed from one generation to the next. And as the years go by, those stories are often subject to adaptations based on the preferences of the storyteller or how society uses those tales to explain their respective beliefs. A common criticism is how most fairy tales have more imaginative elements in play and avoid the grittier elements that the tale originally used (Ex. Cinderella got her dresses from a tree instead of a fairy godmother and her stepsisters chopped off parts of their feet to get the slipper to fit, Aladdin used African slaves as part of his prince con).

And we see those changes in adaptations in the fairy tales Utena showcased that omit or warp the truth to the ones who hear of them.

Such as in Utena's origins, we're told that it was only a prince who inspired her to become one so she can reunite with him one day. But the truth was that her decision was because she met Anthy who was suffering from the hatred of humanity. And the only way to rescue her was to turn into a prince whom she could believe in.

We also see a new adaptation in the backstory of Anthy and Akio which is now known to the world as The Tale of the Rose. The world remembers their story involving a powerful and perfect prince who was stolen from them by his sister who turned into a wicked witch out of jealousy. But the truth was that Anthy sealed him away not out of spite but out of love and concern as her brother was being exploited and over exhausted by a massive, unsatisfied world who overly-depended on him.

So as Utena demonstrates, the fairy tales we start out learning about aren't exactly as true as their origins demonstrate. They often omit or do away with the more tragic and gray aspects of the characters in those stories. This is all well and good, but what does that say about the Honki People?

Right in Episode 1, we're told that they're courageous and valiant fighters who train nonstop and pour their heart and soul into battle. Despite being brushed off as a simple old story in the present day, their legends and battles prove worthy enough of recognition. They have a temple in their honor, Arajin and Mataraka trained to become like them, and even the city is named after them. The narrative does a decent job in explaining the concept of the Honki People, but what about the people that inspired those legends?

As we see in Episode 9, we learn that Senya and Ichiya actually started out as ordinary humans who dedicated their lives to training and fighting one another, hoping to become a true Honki Person. It's stated that Ichiya was training himself to be a Honki Person so the legend was already around when the two of them were only boys growing up in a Middle Eastern town. And fitting the Aladdin parallels, Senya started out as a simple street rat with no family or home to call his own. And after meeting someone as cool, powerful and inspiring as Ichiya, he decided to spend his life alongside someone he could call his friend.

A rather somber element is that while the whole world grew up learning and embracing the Legend of the Honki, none of them actually knew who those Honki People were or what their past lives were like. Would it even matter to them how they started as humble street urchins with no family or home to call their own? They knew what they turned into, but they never stop to think about who these legends started out as or what their backstories or even their names are.

But what's more tragic is what became of Ichiya, the one who inspired Senya. Though we still don't know the exact details for what Senya did that tarnished their friendship, it ultimately impacted his best friend for the worst, corrupting his heart and letting him be filled with hatred and contempt. He no longer valued friendship like he did when he was human and views it as a weakness that must be purged. Perhaps becoming a true Honki Person wasn't all it's cracked up to be given how they're bound to pistols and made to serve whoever finds him for thousands of years.

It's akin to the Rose Prince who's powers were sealed away by Anthy in a desperate act of love leaving him unable to save the world like he used to. Only because of his powerless state did the Prince lose his heart and became a cruel, manipulative and spiteful monster who longed to reclaim what once belonged to him. He would even resort to inflicting every form of abuse imaginable onto his sister as "punishment" for what she did to him. (And yes I do mean every form so please keep that in mind if you haven't seen Utena yet!)

The hero who was glorified and admired in their respective tales loses their nobility in real life, allowing themselves to be corrupted and be filled with new desires of revenge and power. Transforming into the opposite of what they represented in the generations that told their stories. Simply put, they become a villain.

A villain who is...

Part 3: The Virtuous Victim Turned Vile Villain

Bucchigiri and Revolutionary Girl Utena are shows that share the themes of fairy tales while deconstructing and subverting tropes associated with them. One of which that the two share is playing on the idea of a heroic or fairy tale archetype (the genie and the prince) becoming the villain of their respective shows. It's even more ironic that the true heroes of those series would start out being inspired by adaptations of them that portrayed them in a positive light only for to fall prey to their schemes when they meet them in real life. Bucchigiri has Ichiya, a true Honki Person that Matakara heavily looked up to, and Utena has Akio, the Fallen Prince Dios who led the sad princess on the path to becoming a noble prince.

Each of them started out as the ideal fairy tale figure that helped the heroes when they were only children who confronted sadness and loneliness at a young age. But now that they're older and are meeting with them, they end up falling victims to the fairy tales they initially admired and tried to become. And neither of them realize that they're being used as it happens.

Ichiya's goal is ultimately to merge with Matakara to take over his body and exact his revenge on Senya. As to what Ichiya's motives are after taking his revenge aren't clear, but what is clear is that Matakara will lose himself after being completely possessed. And because Matakara is suffering through his feelings of loneliness and his childhood friend's true nature, he doesn't even notice how Ichiya is manipulating him to improve the merge rate.

Akio's goal has been to groom Utena into producing a noble heart that can help him reclaim his original powers, even leading her in an intimate relationship to further manipulate her. Should he succeed, then he'll discard Utena and move with his life as Prince Dios once again. If not, then he'll discard her and find another person to groom. And Utena doesn't realize this as she's led to believe that he's the prince who once saved her from despair and she'll get the happily ever after she believed will make her content.

The scary part about this, is that they're not the first victims to fall prey to their wicked schemes.

Though it hasn't been confirmed on Ichiya's side, it's heavily implied that he's bonded with other people who found his magic pistol before taking full possession of them. Given how he's lived for thousands of years and initially resided in a public Honki temple, there's no way he would have not been found by some unlucky sap. His common knowledge of possession would suggest he's done this before and has seen the unfortunate results of the person he takes control of, which he mentions to Akutaro.

As for Akio, he also has lived for thousands of years and organized constant Rose Duels in the vain hope of choosing one lucky winner to steal their heart so he can break. Using his sister as a prize to be one, there have been countless tournaments held with the hopes of finding the right target that can help him regain his powers from the Rose Gate.

Alas, neither villain was successful with their attempts given that they've turned their sights on the new generation of heroes to continue their cursed wishes that have lasted for centuries.

And speaking of wishes, remember how I brought up in Part 2 how fairy tales were much darker compared to the more enchanting stories we grew up with?

Well thanks to a peculiar finding by @mahoromouse, I came to realize something about Ichiya and possibly Honki people in general. They're not even genies, they're djinn.

Contrary to the Western media's adaptation of genies as whimsical, playful, wish granting spirits who are voiced by beloved comedians, djinn were actually neutral spirits who were born from fire and were able to wander the Earth like humans do. That said, there are some djinn who grow stronger when interacting with negative emotions found in a human being. It's even said that they can inspire greater levels of negative emotions in a human that they target. Much like how Ichiya is cultivating Mataraka's anger towards Arajin and his fears of the shadows that haunt him.

And how fitting it is that from the moment Senya was introduced to us, Arajin and the audience interpreted him as a genie. Especially given that Senya even offers him a wish while proclaiming that "Honki" can also be spelled to make "Majin" 魔ま人 which in Japanese means "demon person" or "magical person". But have we actually seen Senya grant Arajin's wish of losing his virginity? While he does help the boy in getting stronger and boosting his image as a man, that doesn't mean it's gotten him very close to losing his virginity (thank goodness). And it can be inferred that Ichiya never granted Akutaro's wish despite having stayed by his side during his reign as the NG Emperor.

Given how the Western's portrayal of genies have been popularized and glamorized for years, we have easily forgotten the true origins of genies or djinn and the grittier aspects associated with their backstories.

Conclusions

The theme that the two shows share is how a child who was in a dark moment in their life was inspired by a fairy tale to help them find the light. And so touched were they by the heroes in the stories that they decided to become just like them. But as their respective shows demonstrated, that wasn't a very good idea. The Prince and the Honki Person they once admired turned out to be monsters who resolved to exploit them and reclaim something that was lost to them many years ago. And because they grew up with the romanticized and ideal versions of their idols, they never realized the truth about them which was lost in time mixed with ongoing adaptations that omitted their pasts making them more acceptable to the world.

As for whether Matakara will be saved from Ichiya's corruption while still gaining a heart that does not flee, I cannot say. But as it stands, it looks like Arajin will need to be the one to come in and save the boy he once inspired and who still holds dearly in his heart. And just like I mentioned in my last NNL segment, maybe their friendship won't be the same anymore despite defeating Ichiya. Maybe Matakara will still harbor negative feelings to his friend for how he was mistreated and abandoned for so many years. But much like how Utena ended on a hopeful ending, I believe the same thing can happen in Bucchigiri.

And those are my thoughts on the matter. It's been a great while since I wrote an analysis post this big so thank you if you committed to reading all of this. So what do you think of these themes? If you agree or disagree with anything I've written, please feel free to reblog and/or comment with your own ideas. Thank you and may you have a great day/night!

[judesmoonbeauty]

Ellis Twilight Both Ends Bonus Story 🗡

Fan translation only. Not 100% accurate. Please expect grammatical errors. This is a SUMMARY/Semi-Translation of the bonus story. I am roughly translating this with out much research other than specific lines from certain scenes. Why? Because it's a huge task to translate a main route chapter line by line. So, this is what we're working with, and I appreciate your understanding ♥︎ Cybird owns everything. Re-blogs are appreciated, but please do not post my translations elsewhere. The summaries will be uploaded in groups.

I thought my love would make my loved ones unhappy. So I tried to only think about the other person.…..I think about my brother smiling happily that day. But I also suspect that I may have twisted my own memory. - I think he was actually very frightened. Like the lives I took for Crown. Such thoughts blur my brother’s smile that day. The truth is, I can’t even remember the look on my brother’s face at that moment anymore.

Ellis is waiting for Kate outside of a store. It’s been about 10 minutes since she’s entered and he’s getting antsy with worry about being approached by strange people. As he debates if he should go look for her or not he sees her through the shop window and is put at ease, but she was chatting with a man amicably inside which Ellis notes that she’s smiling at the man as he opens the door for her. He wonders about who the guy is and then Kate runs up to him apologizing about keeping him waiting. They talk about the man she was speaking with and he apparently helped in the past as a postal worker by drawing a map for her. Ellis called the guy a “nice person”, but was analyzing the guy in his head; he didn’t seem to have any ulterior motives, and his smile seemed genuine, plus he held the door for her. At this point, Ellis seems to compare himself to that man with himself because that guy can offer to help someone in a very natural versus Ellis who can not do that since he wants to kill someone even more if he likes them more.

He recalls his Dad telling him the day his brother died that, “Killing people and laughing about it is something demons do….Repent and atone and you may still be forgive.”

(Forgive me? Who?)

(I just wanted him to stay happy.)

(Is the way I show my love unforgivable?)

Kate is the only one he’s really confided to about his past and more and more he’s getting selfish with wanting her to love him. Because only she has forgiven him. He offers to carry the bags for him, but she refuses and it shocks him, so he let’s her carry them. He’s sad that he can’t hold hands with her, so he wraps his arms around her shoulders instead and they head back to the castle.

(I wonder if you’d be offended if I told you that I was a little anxious?)

There is a flashback to when he rescued her and she confesses that she accepts Ellis for wanting to keep the happiness of his loved ones within his grasp.

Flashing forward to the present. Jude & Ellis who’ve just finished a mission, he tells Jude that he’s sure it’s normal to feel pain when you kill someone, and Jude is like: Oh?? He wipes off the blood-soaked knife before he sheaths it; staring at the puddle of blood that spreads like splattered jam, Ellis says: “But, I’m not bothered to do this kind of work.”

(Kate is kind enough to grieve.)

The guy at the grocery store, I wonder if she’d be happier if he were her lover instead.

(But I could never let that guy take Kate away from me.)

(I don’t think I could tolerate it.)

Jude: Huh, what? Ya wanna be “normal”?

Ellis: ….no.

I don’t want to be someone else. Kate said she liked me because I’m me. It’s just -

(What can I do to make Kate smile?)

(I keep thinking about it.)

That night at the castle Kate greets Ellis when he gets back home, who was reading in his room. Kate had recently been taking an interest in Ellis’ and Jude’s work and so she decided to study up on business material. It was a serious task, but Ellis thinks it’s wonderful. Ellis didn’t let her go on the mission tonight because of the level of difficulty and because it was going to be so bloody that he wanted to protect her from it. So, she waited up for him so they could have a drink together.

She said that she’ll get the drinks ready in a set of new mugs that have matching designs on them. Ellis asked if the mugs were from her secret shopping trip before lunch earlier that day, and she confesses it was. As she offers herbal teak, hot milk or alcohol to him, he approaches her from behind and hugs her from behind and says that he prefers Kate over those options. Rubbing her cheek against his arm she says okay, feeling his hands slowly crawl up body.

(Kate’s so soft.)

It’s so different from his own, so when he touches it he gets worried.

(It’s too easy to break.)

Ellis pulls down the top of her negligee and slowly squeezes her breasts which makes her moan, and he asks if she likes it when he does this standing behind her. She says that she does because it feels like she is being completely surrounded by him and it makes her happy.

(It’s no good….Kate.)

(You’re too cute.) Ellis kisses and touches her in many of her favorite places, and even though he wants to make Kate feel good, he is painfully aroused….

Ellis: Then, I’ll do you from behind today.

Kate: Ah……

Kate squeezes his fingers inside her and Ellis pushes Kate onto the bed.

(Oh…..)

(My head is a mess.) ……Which one love???

I want to feel good. I want to feel good with Kate. He looks at her tear-stained eyes.

(It looks like Kate wants to feel good with me too….)

(Is it my imagination or….I don’t know.)

For you, for me, it’s all a jumbled mess..

Kate: Ahhhh!

Ellis: ……Ah…..Ah…..

Ellis hugs Kate’s sleeping body in the middle of the night and thinks she sounds cute. Sometimes, he thinks that they’ve reached their happiest moment as he loves her with his bloodstained hands, for another day. He dreams of the day when his dirtied with her blood.

(…..I want to stay like this forever.)

(With you in my arms.)

(I want to stare at your happy sleeping face.)

The end of this happiness, I don’t want it to come either. The moment you’re killed by me Kate is also the moment -

(Oh.)

Kate slowly lifts her eyelids and look at him drowsily and she laughs at Ellis. He asks why she’s laughing at him and she says it’s because she woke up, and Ellis was right next to her and she thought she was happy.

-No matter how much I dread tomorrow. Even though I’m not sure if you’ll really be smiling on that day that will come someday.

(I can’t help but love this person.)

Ellis: Kate….

Kate: What….?

Ellis: I love you.

Kate: ….Hm.

Ellis: I love you, I love you…..I love you.

Kate: Hmm….hehe….what’s up…?

I bury my face into Kate and she holds me to her chest. It smelled like sweetly simmered jam and it made my heart ache.

Kate: ……Ellis, are you crying?

“No,” I almost reflexively said that, but now I don’t have to hide these feelings anymore.

Ellis: …..Yea, because I’m happy.

Ellis: I’m glad because you’re smiling.

Kate: I see…

Kate reached out and patted Ellis’ head.

Kate: I love you too, Ellis.

(I’m willing to be killed right now.) I bet that if I told you that tomorrow morning that I really thought that, you’d laugh again.

I’m sure there will be more of these supremely happy moments waiting for me.

Fin.

[Master List]

[margareth-lv]

😵‍💫🫡 Anxiety, apathy, withdrawal, delusions 🫡😵‍💫

@odessa-2 inspired me with her note today and a reminder of the post Oliver Jeffers shared on Instagram on 3 January 2021 (side note: I have a feeling this is a completely random date and has nothing to do with anything other than Caitríona being at the time, as many people believe, already heavily pregnant with this child, whose birth wasn't announced until August,  but I could be wrong. Is there anything that you associate with this date?).

*** *** *** My body reacts nervously to any event involving Caitríona and Oliver Jeffers. Maybe it's some kind of PTSD, I'll explain in more detail below. *** *** *** Anyway, my first reaction to the news in fandom over the weekend about the New York Times article was quite nervous.

😅

In October, […] the visual artist and author Oliver Jeffers, 46, hosted a candlelit dinner for a group of Irish and Northern Irish artists and friends.

Caitríona was also present at the dinner to celebrate the launch of Oliver's latest book, 'Begin Again'.

Caitríona/Oliver, that combination doesn't sound right to me, it means smoke and mirrors and supporting the narrative. Luckily I was wrong this time.

*** *** ***

2021. Oliver Jeffers at Caitríona's 'wedding', sitting in the fireplace recess in a white suit, accompanied by a stone dog. There was no better place for him than the soot-blackened fireplace? There was no other suit than white for a friend's wedding? There was no better companion for this wedding than a stone dog? ❓

Smoke and mirrors. As dense as a spider's web, a web of connections, dependencies and interests.

*** *** ***

July 2022. Oliver Jeffers invites Caitríona to take part in the 'Our Place' festival he is organising.

Here they are in conversation with Kathy Clugston in Belfast on 2 July 2022 ⬇️⬇️⬇️

Caitríona is sitting on the stage, tense.

Excuse me. I don't mean to be rude, but she looked like she was getting dressed for the event in the dark. And when you watch the whole thing, you realise that, surprisingly, she wasn't at all comfortable on stage. She didn't have much to say except for her personal memories. She didn't have any general thoughts, any wider perspective than her own. You could see her lack of confidence and fear in her body language, the unspoken part of communication. Sadness, stress and depression. So what does she say? What does Caitríona say?

The fandom has been buzzing for years about the fact that Caitríona never referred to 🧛🏻‍♂️ as her husband. So now Caitríona, sitting uncomfortably next to Oliver Jeffers, raised her right hand in an embarrassed laugh.

Well, her husband used to say, wait, what did he used to say? Oh yes, he used to say that a strong personality keeps their accent. I mean, the most interesting thing is what happens after that. Because the most surprising thing is what she starts talking about after she calls her 'husband'. Within a couple of sentences she starts talking about Sam, you know, the one she works with. And "Sam, who I work with, for the last three months he's been saying, 'What's up with you, you're really Irish all of a sudden'". And then she talks about her 'only son'.

A brilliantly acted scene (if it weren't for all the nervous laughing and tensing up).

💁🏻‍♀️

You ask, how do we know which 'husband' was in the festival audience? From here, of course ⬇️⬇️⬇️

Smoke and mirrors. As dense as a spider's web, a web of connections, dependencies and interests.

*** *** *** Incidentally, I am keen to compare Caitríona's pictures with her 'husband' with those of her real-life friends:

*** *** *** That's why when I saw the 'NYT' article about Caitríona and Oliver Jeffers, my stomach tightened. This time, however, I couldn't have been more wrong. 🙃🙃🙃

… because Caitríona's handbag was on the floor, near her feet, as someone on 'X' pointed out.

Which means that the professional purse-holder had been given the evening off on the day of this dinner.

Can one feel more relieved?

❓

I ate my breakfast in peace and quiet.

*** *** *** Source 1: Starting at 36:29 is the short clip I quoted above.

Source 2:

*** *** ***

Voilà. Enjoy, @lovehimloveherstuff (Although reading what I've written here probably has nothing to do with 'enjoying'. I am so sorry.)

[December 11, 2023]

[liliesinrequiem]

Asking Something of You

A/N: I wrote this like last week and in light of anything dropping tonight, I decided to post this. Not even sure I've processed anything that's happened in the manga recently, but I hope you enjoy! To make note, I don't blatantly drop big things in this (just light threads) but the last bit is post being boxed.

Pairing: Satoru Gojo x Reader

Summary: Four times Gojo asks something of you and the one time you ask something of him.

CW: Nothing in particular because I didn't want to make this one sad tbh.

I.

Your phone rang as you walked through a store with Shoko. It was the first real break either of you had in a while. “Are you busy?” asked the voice over the phone.

“Very busy,” you answered as you shifted a shopping bag to your other arm. Shoko looked at you and you smiled at her. As if she could telepathically understand who you were speaking to, she shook her head. Gojo hadn’t been around for some days, but you also didn’t want to abandon Shoko. 

“Whyyy?” he whined. “It’s an emergency!” 

“Call emergency services,” you said. 

“But you’re the only person who can solve it,” he argued. 

“What is it that you even need?” you asked him. You looked at the dresses that Shoko was pulling out and comparing. With every option, you would nod or shake your head.

“Wanna see you is all,” he said. Endearing, even if annoying. 

“You can see me when I’m done with Ieiri today,” you said. “Until then, you can hang tight, right?” 

“Not sure I’ll survive long enough,” he said. 

“I promise I’ll give you all my time when I get back, okay?” you said. 

“Fine,” he said. “But I get to pick what we do, okay?” 

“It’s gonna be one of those cheesy movies, isn’t it?” you asked. You could already envision his smile at your question.

“100 percent,” he answered before hanging up.

II.

“(Y/N),” said Gojo over the phone. You stared at the clock in confusion. It was early in the morning.

“Hm? What do you need so early in the morning?” you mumbled. Your mind was half-awake as the other half fought to remain asleep. 

“I need you to help me out,” he said. “I need to get Megumi and Tsumiki to school, but I also have to do a mission…” You recognized the names as the two kids that he’d adopted recently. You hadn’t met them just yet since they’d been adjusting to Gojo and you hadn’t wanted to overwhelm them too much with too many new people. 

“Do you think it’s fine if I meet them?” you asked. You’d sat up on your bed and begun to move to get ready.

“I’d love it if you did,” he answered. “And I’d appreciate your help…you’re the only person I can trust.” He sounded tired. 

“Okay,” you said as you pulled clothes out of your closet. “Send me the address and head over there after I get ready.” 

“Thank you, I owe you,” he said. 

“Don’t sweat it,” you said. “I’m happy to help.” 

III.

"What is it?" you asked him. Your cup of coffee had gone cold ages ago. You'd barely taken a sip from it when Gojo waltzed into your classroom and just sat down without saying a word.

It was odd to see him so serious but the small frown on his face indicated that something was wrong. "There's a mole in our midst," he answered. Your eyebrows furrowed. Mole? 

"Huh?" you said. 

"Everything that's happened was too precise…like someone within our ranks has been leaking it," he said. You couldn't deny that. 

"Any ideas?" you asked. You had no names. All of the students that you and Gojo shared were trustworthy. None of them seemed to be acting strange nor had you gotten suspicious or anything. 

"Not yet. I'm gonna tell Utahime to be more cautious, though. What happened can't happen again. We got caught off guard. What if it'd been worse?" he asked. You didn't want to think about it. Yuji'd nearly been killed and the injuries that some of them had sustained weren't great. 

Things were turning upside down so quickly. "I'll keep an eye out," you said. "I'm guessing that wasn't all you wanted to say?" 

"I'm gonna head out and investigate some stuff. You willing to keep the fort down while I'm gone?" he said. 

"Absolutely," you answered. You'd probably have to move around the upperclassmen to later in the day to fit in the underclassmen. Manageable. A bit annoying but manageable. 

He got up and stretched before beginning to walk out. "Thanks, always know I can count on you," he said. "Oh, by the way, my phone will always be on in case you need anything." 

"Take care of yourself!" you said as he waved goodbye. 

IV.

“Satoru, you better take care of yourself,” you said angrily as you looked your husband in the eyes. Even leaning down, he was still so tall. 

“You gonna miss me?” he teased. 

“So much,” you answered. “That’s why you better take care of yourself, okay?” The two of you were splitting up to cover more ground. The sudden situation had taken a turn that none of you were expecting. But importantly, you had to find the students. 

“Promise to call me if anything happens,” he said. 

“I should be saying that to you!” you said. 

“One more thing, if something were to happen to me, don’t act rashly,” said Gojo. 

“You say that as if you know something, Satoru,” you said softly. You didn’t like to think of a possibility where he would get hurt. 

“I don’t. But I also don’t want you getting hurt. If something were to happen to you…” You smiled at him.

“Nothing will. Just as you’ll be okay. We’ll meet back up once this is over and it’ll all be okay,” you reassured him. You turned to start heading off to find the others. 

“Just promise me that you’ll take care of yourself,” he called out. You turned around and raised your thumbs up.

“I promise it,” you said. He smiled and disappeared. 

V.

“Satoru,” you said. You didn’t know if you wanted to cry or smile at seeing him again. Your husband in the flesh in front of you again. His arms around you were real. His warmth was real. The tears that you’d pushed down while he’d been trapped away surfaced up.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I shouldn’t be the reason you ever cry.” 

“I’m just happy, Satoru,” you said. “I’m so happy that you’re right here…” 

“You’re okay? You weren’t hurt too badly or anything?” he said as he pulled away. His eyes scanned your body quickly as if trying to find any injury. 

“I’m fine now,” you said. “But Satoru, are you going to fight?” He nodded. There couldn’t be more time for the two of you right now.

“Promise me that you’ll come back, yeah?” you said. 

“I will,” he said. 

“I know,” you said. “So, go win.” He kissed your forehead before leaving you to go fight. 

He’d win. He’d promised that he would. 

[multifandoms27-blog]

Reiner Braun Relationship HC's 2

• ───────────────── •

Content: Post-Marley Reiner Braun x GN! Reader

Warnings: Simpage (from me), mentions of kidnapping, mentions of Marco, Zeke. Also slight suggestiveness at the end, but nothing explicit.

Notes: No S4 spoilers, even though this takes place in Marley. Anime watchers can read this 👍

• ───────────────── •

Okay so, a lot of this is going to be based off an rp between me and a friend you know who you are but I feel it's close enough to his character in S4, so bare with me

Reiner took you with him to Marley by force so now you're kinda stuck with him

If you can forgive him after the whole Marco/traitor thing, I would then this will be no problem for you

He's super serious in government meetings and anything pertaining to Titans and Paradis, but when with you he's anything but

Sometimes he needs to be held and told he's okay, sometimes he wants to take you out for a walk, sometimes he just needs your presence with him but don't talk to him...it depends

I feel like he would tell you what's going on within the government and what's happened over at Paradis, even though he's not supposed to and you both could be killed for it

He only does that so you're in the loop and are safe. Although, since you'd be from Paradis, I doubt the government wouldn't make good use of you.

Reiner would do anything to make sure they wouldn't send you back over to Paradis, or make you fight again. Obviously this can only extend so far, unless you gain the favor of Zeke. But that's a discussion for another day.

Reiner would still like some PDA, or just being semi clingy in general, as you're one of his only lights of happiness. But he wants the PDA to be restricted to hand holding in front of Gabi and the others.

He's going to lean on you a lot more in Marley than he ever did in Paradis, and it might be a little overwhelming, maybe annoying, but he's a broken man and is just trying to make you happy while also trying to be happy himself.

He can get jealous pretty easily - he's always worried about losing you. So when he sees you with Zeke once you've gained his favor, he's going to start comparing himself and the older man. He's going to lash out at you and Zeke for it, but will really only beg for forgiveness from you. Please show him the wonderful ways of communicating problems.

When you're alone and you grab his tits chest, he might give you a confused look before letting you continue to mess with him. He doesn't understand your fixation with his chest, but if it makes you happy, they're all yours.

Reiner please give me a chance I beg of you

• ───────────────── •

Here is my Masterlist in case you want to request, or look for more of your favorite character!

[trulybetty]

Sunday Week In Review XVI & 2023 Wrapped

I feel like 2023 just started five minutes ago, am I the only one who feels like this year as passed by quickly but at the same time dragged its heels?

I've seen so many lovely end of year close out posts and years in review. I toyed with how I wanted to close out the year and what I could say that could sum it up sufficiently.

Betty rambles under the cut with this weeks reads if you're interested...

2023 has been a weird year if I'm entirely honest and somewhat isolating. I returned from mat leave, back to working from home, and having to scramble to make adjustments when things fell through. Which resulted in Mr. Truly and I working opposite shifts to ensure the S.S. Truly stayed afloat.

But during the last six months somehow I made it back to Tumblr, to an old account from way back when - pre-dating when the Canucks made it to game seven kinda old - I blew off the dust, cleaned house and made myself a little space. I still don't know 100% how it all happened, though I think it started with the Reddit forum.

You don't need to know the whole spiel about Pedro, because while we're here because of him, it's the community that holds us here. After floating and not really knowing what I was doing, I started to make connections within this community and finding a seat at the table (we'll come back to that) and I found joy again. I'd kinda lost myself in the fog that is half a dozen other titles/roles others looked to me as that had replaced just Betty.

I started writing, hadn't done that in years. I rekindled by love for graphic design, what I went to school for. I was reading books again, as well as so many great fanfics here. I even bought poetry books, something I hadn't done since I don't know when.

I've been really fortunate in my experience that I've encountered so many wonderful people. I may not get to be as social as I'd like to be, and I still have a fear of dropping into DM's & Asks unannounced. I have the shittest memory, if I don't keep a tab open or reply straight away it's sometimes days or weeks before I remember again. But I really hope that I've returned in kind what others have given me because I'd hate for anyone to feel like they don't belong here, because you do.

This community is a table (told you I'd come back) and it's size is immeasurable. It has no bounds and there's always room for whatever kind of chair you pull up and if you don't have one? We'll find one. Need to leave for a while? We'll save your seat. This my friends is a community, and if you're met with those who tell you the table is full, I'm telling you now, they're not a part of it.

Are there going to be those with more notes? Yes. Are there going to be people you're going to compare your writing to? Yes. Are you going to maybe want to pack it all in and delete your masterlist now and then? Yes.

But none of that takes away anything that makes you, you and what you bring to the table.

Life is hard enough without the added pressure of thinking you need to score imaginary internet points with stats and metrics that carry no value. I wish I knew the magic formula, because I'm still trying to figure it out myself, but let's try and be kinder to ourselves eh?

But I'm really going into 2024 with the goal of curating my own joy - whether it be indulging in the fanfics I want to write and read, more obnoxious coffees, a new fountain pen, giving myself permission to buy the fancy notebook, get back to baking or binging both seasons of Julia and pretending I can make one of her recipes.

So to sum it up, before this goes into a further incoherent ramble, this year has been about reaching out, starting connections and building something meaningful. I've met some amazing people that I am lucky to call friends and without their kindness and extending a seat at the table I'm not sure I'd still be around these parts.

Here's to more of that in 2024 - while I'm not always the best at replying to messages, my DM's and Ask's are always open, feel free to drop in at any time 💕

Pedro Tax™️ for your time...

T R U L Y  U P D A T E S . . .

December x 500 is complete-ish? Thanks to being sick towards the end of the month there's three entries missing, but I'm hoping to sneak them in during the new year! I'm looking forward to a quieter writing schedule that's for sure!

W H A T  I  R E A D . . . Didn't read as much as I wanted to this week - but I'm off this next week, so hoping to do a little more and get through some of my TBR list!

All I Want for Christmas (Frankie) by @morallyinept This was a delightful festive meet-cute that had me on the edge of my seat and also explores the character of Frankie and the ramifications of his actions on his friendships and his ex. 

All I Want (Will Miller) by @laurfilijames This was a bittersweet one-shot that touched on the idea that the festive season isn’t always for everyone and that you never know what’s going on with someone. 

I Put My Book Down to Be Here (Dieter) by @frenchiereading My first New Year’s Eve fic I’ve read this season and it’s so sweet and has a soft Dieter (my fave), who is still his chaotic self! I loved this from start to finish and such a great meet-cute!

Had Me Fooled (Dave) by @wildemaven Heidi has done such an amazing job with this mini series that can be read as a standalone or as a series. I love a soft Dave and Heidi does it so well. This last one had my toes curling in all their romantic glory and I will be revisiting this series again I'm sure!

Reunions (The Thief) by @ladamedusoif I'm behind on Rose's December prompts, but this was the steamy follow up to My Kiss, Only For You (go read that first, no seriously, go read it) and it was so delectable and my greedy self hopes we see these two again in the future.

Cookies (Tim) by @ladamedusoif Speaking of delicious things, this was as indulgent and sweet as the cookies made in this fic. Tim was one of the characters I didn't see becoming such a favourite this year - but I love seeing everyone's interpretation of him. This one here? In my top ranked versions 🫠

So here's to 2024!

Thank you for every interaction, reblog, or tag - every single one is held clutched to my heart in appreciation every time!

Stay safe, and whatever you're doing or wherever you are sending you much love!

[triggerthreestrikes]

Fanfic excerpt/trailer/bite sized bit from/for my fanfic Fallout: A tale of two couriers. I talk more about it in the linked post. TW for graphic depictions of a headshot, and for mentions of enslavement.

Summary. Flynn Investigates Carla’s “disappearance.”

Flynn walked into the Dino-Dee-Light Lobby immediately after Manny’s story. Something wasn’t right. Was Carla really stuck up and prissy? Maybe she might’ve had opinions about Novac’s cuisine and accommodations, but the resentment in Manny’s voice only came when he glanced up at Boone’s room. There was more to Manny and Boone’s relationship. At least on Manny’s side. What exactly the nature of that was he didn’t know, but it wasn’t Carla’s personality that rubbed Manny the wrong way. Especially comparing Ranger Andy’s story. And..there was the story Noonan told. Obviously, Mole men was a side effect of No bark being…himself. But one staying in the lobby? That had merit.

“Oh! If it isn’t one of our two couriers! How can Jeanie May help you dear?” The older lady behind the counter greeted. “Well hey there! Naomi and I are finding everything fine, just had a few itchin’ curiosities I had to scratch about the town.” Jeanie gave a big smile, clearly pleased he was paying the town compliment. “Well I’d be happy to scratch those itches for you dear! What do you wanna know?” “Well, first, I noticed that there’s an open bungalow, that for rent?” Jeanie’s smile remained. “Oh, I’m sorry dear, but those bungalows are more for permanent residents. I’m afraid I can’t just rent it out.” Flynn clicked his tongue and shook his head “shame. Ah well, if we ever get tired of this courier thing, I’ll keep Novac well in mind. It’s a cozy little place.” Jeannie smiled in response, clearly, the way to her good side was paying the town respect. I wonder… Flynn thought to himself. “Well, I’ve got to head out for the night, don’t stay up too late now dearie!” Flynn’s easy smile remained even as the innkeeper left the room, right up until the door closed behind her. Taking a Bobby pin and screwdriver from his courier’s bag, he approached the front desk, and located a safe nestled in the floor.

It wasn’t caps he was looking for. Or NCR dollars. The legion kept paperwork. And if he was right about Jeannie May, and the courier hoped he was wrong…she would want a reminder. Of what happened when someone insulted her little corner of the Mojave. The safe came open with a click, and inside was the expected assortment of caps and NCR bills. Flynn felt a smidgen of relief at the seeming absence of his confirmation, Until the details struck him. Any travelers traveling through Novac would likely be NCR gamblers or caravan merchants. They’d pay with bills. Not caps. So.

Where did she get the caps?

Flynn took another glance at the suspicious currency. Checking the bundled amounts. In the wasteland, 500 cap pouches and thousand cap pouches were marked with loops of string. Two knots for a thousand, one knot for 500. And sure enough, two pouches with those exact amounts respectively sat within. Flynn knew her prices. He knew that even if she had been collecting the odd caps within the timeframe Carla left, she wouldn’t have this much. This was a lump sum payment.

He’d traveled Arizona for years before he freed Naomi. He knew the Legion’s prices for flesh.

This amount was for a child, and one woman.

As Flynn took the blood money from her safe, at the bottom of it, hidden under the pouches, was a folded note. The same one she was reading when he and Naomi first walked in. Reaching inside, The courier read the final nail in Jeannie May’s coffin.

We, the representatives of the Consul Officiorum, have this day bargained and purchased from Jeannie May Crawford of the township of Novac the exclusive rights to ownership and sale of the slave Carla Boone for the sum of one thousand bottle caps, and those of her unborn child for the sum of five hundred bottle caps, the receipt whereof is hereby acknowledged. We warrant the slave and her young to be sound, healthy, and slaves for life. We covenant with the said, Jeannie May Crawford, that we have full power to bargain and sell said slave and her offspring. Payment of an additional five hundred bottle caps will be due pending successful maturation of the fetus, the claim to which shall be guaranteed by possession of this document. M. Scribonius Libo Drusus et al.

-Administrators of M. Licinius Crassus, Consul Officiorum ab Famulatus

Flynn crumpled the letter in his fist, shaking with incandescent rage. “You’ll pay for this…” He snarled.

With a firm knock of her door, Jeannie answered to find the courier standing on her front step. “Hello dear, is there something I can do for you? It’s rather late.” “There’s somethin’ out front of the dinosaur I want you to see, I want your opinion on it. Just a minor concern, honest, but it’s important. I promise!” His smile was still present, but Jeanie couldn’t help but feel that it was…hollow. “Oh…well, if you’re sure. Did you talk to Boone about what it is you wanted to show me?” “Oh sure I did! He said it was somethin’ you should know about!” The Novac innkeeper felt a pit form in her stomach, but nonetheless, she felt at ease knowing Boone would likely act in case the Courier tried anything.

As they approached the front of the dinosaur, The courier turned on his heel. “Jeannie, I want to say I’m sorry to drag you out this late but, I wanted to ask this and the dinosaur seemed like a good place…what happened to Boone’s wife?”

She got what she deserved. She thought to herself. “Oh, poor dear. I know he thinks she was taken, but it’s pretty likely she ran off. She was like…well, a cactus flower. Pretty to look at, but all prickly to touch. She always went on about how much better everything was in Vegas. Always tried to have Boone go back with her. I guess she got tired of waiting.” The courier nodded slowly. “That’s a shame. He really seems like he misses her.” Jeannie put on her best sympathetic look. “I know dear, but it’s probably for the best she’s gone. I’m sure that some other girl that’s nice and homely will come along and steal his heart.” Maybe even that other courier. She’s a pretty thing. Good manners too! I should try and introduce them! She briefly remembered that the two couriers seemed quite close. Oh dear. I hope she’s not taken with this one. He’s polite, sure. But he’s a drifter. He’ll never settle down, probably doesn’t even look her way. Best I try to convince her to stay. She’d be better off with a man who looks after her.

“Well, that’s just about what I wanted to ask. The man wanted me to ask around, and I find myself warming up to ‘Im. We’ve spent a few nights talkin’ up there and I guess he wanted to put his fears to rest. Just one more question.” “Ask away dear.” “What’s this?” The courier handed her a note, and the already cool night seemed to lower its temperature even further. Her bill of sale sat in her hands. “I found it in your safe Jeanie May. I’m a sucker for old love stories and you said it was a letter from your old flame. But when I read it…Jeannie, That ain’t a letter from a lover.” The innkeeper’s face paled and reddened at the same time. “What are you going through an old woman’s belongings for you hooligan?!” She shrieked. “I’m a lot of things Ma’am. And unfortunately, nosy is one of ‘em.” The courier replied simply. “I wanna know, you didn’t like her, and from what I can tell, some people didn’t either. But why? The legion? Slavery?” “She didn’t leave me with much choice! That uppity attitude you have is exactly why I sold her! I got rid of a poison from Novac, and I’m getting rid of another one tonight! Get up to that room I rented you, Pack up, and clear out! That one with you can stay, but you can die in some radioactive ditch for all I care you snake!”

The courier’s neutral expression didn’t change. Jeannie stood with her arms crossed, tapping her foot angrily. “A snake Ma’am?” He asked. “Are you drunk or just thick? Yes a snake! You, walking in here with your High and mighty attitude! Stealing from my safe?! I bet you think this place is nothing compared to your fancy Vegas! It’s written all over you, city boy! Now clear out, before I get on the radio those legion boys left me and call another squad here to clear you out for me!” The old harridan shrieked. Worryingly, the courier did not move, did not change his expression, but his eyes, once dispassionate and disappointed, were now filled with a fiery hate. “You get all that Boone?” He said finally.

Jeannie’s blood ran cold as she heard a bolt action cocking in response from Rexy’s mouth. Whirling around, she saw Boone glaring down at her, the moonlight reflecting off his rifle’s scope. “N-Now Boone, be reasonable! You wouldn’t shoot an old woman-” “I’ve only got one word for you bitch.” Boone snarled down at her as he shouldered his rifle. “Run.”

The Novac innkeeper didn’t need to be told twice. Turning around, she began to sprint off into the desert. Cursing the courier all the while. For a moment, she considered that Boone would spare her. Right up until a searing pain through her right knee shattered that notion. Letting out a scream of agony, She collapsed, holding her ruined knee as it bled profusely. Taking one last frightful look back, she saw the courier, holding a rifle of his own with its barrel smoking, now wearing Boone’s Beret. The glint from Rexy’s mouth shifted, and Jeannie’s eye burst along with her skull as a .308 round went crashing through her grey matter. Spattering the road into Novac from Nelson with gore. She hadn’t gotten more than a few feet from where she’d turned. The courier approached her corpse, glaring hatefully at the remains of the old witch. “Burn in hell.” He hissed.

Walking into the lobby of the gift shop, he saw Boone walk out from the door to the sniper nest. “Nice shot, but I had it handled.” The courier shrugged and gave a more genuine smile than the one he’d shone to Jeannie May. “Sorry, I wanted my own piece.” “Oh? Why’s that?” “Naomi? The other courier? I freed her from the legion. I killed a frumentari captain and picked the lock on her collar” Boone went quiet at the revelation. “What made you suspect her?” He asked. “Well, first I asked around. Manny, Andy, hell, even No Bark. Manny gave me the same venomous shit Jeannie was spewing about her, but I feel like he had his own problems with her and was just parroting what he heard from her to justify it. Andy told me she had…opinions about this place, but it wasn’t meant to be hurtful. And No Bark? Well he told me something interesting.” Boone paled at the mention of the village nutcase. “No bark? Pal, you better not be telling me you believe even a quarter of what he says.” “I believe he saw a group of figures take Carla kickin’ and screamin’ from your room that night.” Flynn deadpanned. “Now, of course I took his explanation that it was molemen seeking to steal away the young and pretty with a good ten pounds of salt, but he mentioned one of ‘em stopped in the lobby of the Dee-lite. That pointed me to her safe. Inside? 1500 caps. In the bundle bags. No way she earned that much. Before I freed Naomi I traveled up and down Arizona. I know what price those bastards put on flesh. Then I found this in her safe.” “Just like them to keep paperwork…” Boone snarled. “What’re you gonna do now?” Flynn asked. “I’m not staying here, that’s for sure.” “You think they’ll suspect you?” “No. People die out there all the time. Besides, I was on break when it happened.” Boone replied with a smirk. “Hm. I’m hunting the bastard who shot me. If you wanna get out of here, then how about you join up with me and Naomi? Snipers work in teams right? We’re bound to come across more legion. Already they hit Nipton. And I don’t want Naomi back in their hands.” Flynn held out his hand in an offer. Boone considered it for a moment, staring intently behind his sunglasses before a small smile came to his face. “Deal.” He said, taking the courier’s hand.

[magnoliabutters]

• WHAT NOW, DADDY? •

pairing: eddie munson x reader (she/her, 18+)

request: from my kinky queen, @looksthatkilledd​; sub!eddie misbehaves all day while the reader is hanging out with the fruity four, so when the reader and eddie get home, the reader is pissed and punishes him and it's really fucking kinky

warnings: 18+ content, mdni, adult language; mentions of dwugs, dom reader & kinda sub eddie, masturbation, voyeurism, pet names, angst, etc.

word count: ~2.7k

support your author: reblogs for the sweet eddie boy ✨

note: I appreciate you letting me explore some more kink in my posts. hoping I did you proud here. first post in a bit, let’s show it some love?

"After a few hits, everyone's fair game," Eddie says with a smirk. His playful and daunting eyes look over to you. You smirk as your brow raises. Robin laughs with an elbow to Steve‘s side. "Looks like you might have a chance after all," she mutters under laugh. Steve rolls his eyes as tightens his already crossed arms. "It's Munson. Everyone has a shot - high or not," he chuckles. Nancy giggles, hiding behind her tight smile.

"I'd like to say I'm a bit hard to get," Eddie adds as he sucks in another hit of his joint. The red cherry at its end burning heavily. He smiles, passing over the stick. The smoke shooting out from one side of his mouth. You lean back onto the couch while resting your feet atop the Munson coffee table. "You'd like to say that," you mutter under your breath.

Eddie and you have been going back and forth tonight. A diss here, a diss there. An uncalled for joke here, a joke there. It was finally teetering on the point where his snarks were no longer funny. Each comment left you heart in a pool of red hot rage. This boy has been testing your limits, and he's been enjoying it. Laughing the entire way here. He enjoys making you squirm any way he can. All because he knows - he can never make you squirm the way he desperately wants to.

Your closest friend, and yet all he can think about is whether you sleep in the nude or in tiny pink undies. Yet here he is, pissing you the absolute fuck off. As if that "be mean to your crush" strategy actually works. You watch him from across the room. You are seething as you cross your arms and sink into the couch.

Steve watches you from the side of his eye. He is always incredibly astute whenever you are wreathing in rage. "Why don't you take another hit?" he whispers as he inches the bong towards you. You shoot him a smile and a nod as you lean up from the cushion. He gently drops the lighter in your palm. With a flick of your thumb, the beautiful green turns that familiar orange. The smoke growing within the chamber. You pull the stem and it all floods your mouth. Throat burning in response, but feeling oh too good.

Blowing out the smoke with a rather nasty cough, you lean back and hope Mary J works quicker rather than later. You would hate to lose your shit in front of your nearest and dearest. Nancy, Robin, and Eddie have begun to discuss how ABBA and Bowie compare to Metallica and Dio. Eddie's face reddens by the second as he becomes more and more heated. "Robin, please stop saying 'Dancing Queen' is just as good as 'For Whom the Bell Tolls.' I'm literally going to have to kick you out of my house," he mutters. His eyes closed as his hand raises tensely in the air.

"Oh, common. They're both iconic. What are you talking about?" Robin says as she bumps into Nancy's shoulder. Nancy bites her lip as a smile grows upon her face. She enjoys watching the chaos develop in front of her. Eddie's eyes almost pop out of his skull. His mouth hanging open as he inches his chin towards the two girls. "What the hell are you talking about?" he asks as he seethes in harsh air. "Hey now, let's just call it a truce," Nancy gently suggests with a giggle. She is always trying to keep the peace, but sometimes it’s a bit hard - especially a few hits in.

"A truce? ABBA clearly wins seeing as Metallica fucking sucks," you lie with the intent to rile up Eddie. Your arms still crossed atop your chest as you peer up towards him. You are met with all four of your friends horrified eyes. Eddie sinks back into his seat as he clenches his jaw. His eyes widen as his breathing heavies.

Nancy quickly looks at Steve, who responds with a nod. "Yeah, we're going to head out," she says as the two stand from their seats. Robin remains seated within the static air. She watches as you two exchange glances, excitedly waiting for the show to begin. Steve hooks his arm to hers, pulling her up from her theatre chair. "Let's go, Robin," he directs with annoyance. She huffs while being dragged away. As they walk out, Eddie and you can hear Robin whine, "But I want to see what happens!"

"That was too far," Eddie says through his teeth. His eyes never leaving yours. You roll your eyes, sinking deeper into his couch. "If only I cared," you mutter under your breath. He scoffs as he sucks his tongue to his teeth. "God, you fucking drive me nuts, y/l/n," he shouts as he erratically swings his arms through the air. "It's the least I can do after the shit you've been pulling all night," you respond.

Eddie turns back towards you with a twinged look. His eye squinting in confusion. "The shit I’m pulling? What shit?" he asks with a chuckle. In your five years of friendship, you have gotten into exactly three fights with Eddie Munson. This was going to be number four. "You've been a dick to me all night," you yell as you stand from the couch. The rage flooding through you, making you want to move. "No more than usual," Eddie says with a laugh. You quickly turn towards him in response to that laugh. Was he really laughing at you at a time like this? You were going to hit him where it hurts.

With a deep breath, you shake out your arms and stretch out your neck. You look over to Eddie, the confused boy with the arched brow. He watches you as you slowly walk over towards him. You place your hands onto his shoulders and you gently lower yourself onto his lap. His face completely full of awe as your hair brushes against his cheek bones. His mouth hanging open as his eyes desperately try to find yours. Of course, they continue to become lost along the way as they travel up your torso.

As his eyes finally land upon yours, you brush your hand through Eddie's curly locks. "You have been a dick to me all night," you repeat sternly. "You're going to get what you deserve." You quickly lift from his lap and walk over to the hallway. Your hands grip onto your shirt and pull it over your head before you even reach the doorway. With the lack of heard movement, you scoff, "Are you coming?" Quickly, you hear him struggle to move from his chair and follow you blindly down the hallway.

Walking into Eddie's bedroom, you quickly point towards the old rickety chair resting beside his dresser. "Sit," you say as you begin to unbutton your jeans. With his jaw still on the floor, he straddles the chair and crosses his arm over its back. The chair creaks with each of his movements. His eyes are glued to you as you pull your jeans down side to side over your thick thighs. The thighs he's been dreaming about since he first met you.

Kicking off your pants, you land back onto Eddie's mattress. You grab hold of his two pillows and place them at the arch of your back. You lean back onto them as you cross your legs. You note that he's practically drooling as you sit bra, panties, and all in front of him - on his bed. His eyes blink rapidly as they scan over your body. Once they meet your eyes, a smile grows upon his face.

"You don't know how long I've waited for this," Eddie whispers as he begins to stand from the chair. "No," you say sternly. Both of your bodies become frozen. "Sit down," you instruct. Slowly uncoupling your legs, you lean back onto your palms. "You don't move from that chair." His face deadpans as he slowly processes your words. A minute later and you find him slowly nodding. His chin rests heavily atop his forearms as he grips tightly onto the back of the chair.

"Good," you whisper. You slowly raise from Eddie's pillows to unhook your bra. You slide the straps down as you let the bra fall to the ground. You watch as Eddie bites into his arm, desperately trying to remain still for you. "What should I do?" you softly ask. He lightly gasps as he watches you in adoration. "Can I speak?" he asks quietly. "Don't make me repeat myself, Munson," you demand. He nods quickly and clears his throat.

"Take off your panties," Eddie whispers. You scoff as you roll your head back onto the pillows. Your arms cross over your torso. Your palms covering your tits. "Please, take off your panties," he quickly revises. You smirk as you slowly move your hands down your sides. Hooking your thumbs onto your waistline, you slowly pull your panties down. Eddie's eyes widen. His breathing intensifies as he is able to bear witness to something he thought he would only dream about. It makes you unbelievably wet - making you consider allowing him to raise from that chair.

"What now, daddy?" you ask with daring eyes. He bites deeper into his arm as he breathes through his teeth. You rest there, wide open for him. All while he is confined to that old wooden chair. "Please just use your fingers and-and tell me how wet you are," he asks with a whimper. You smile as your hand taps against the outside of your thigh. You slowly trail your fingers up your thigh and onto your clit. You feel that cool wetness to your touch. You feel that undeniable pleasure from the pressure against your bud.

Leaning your head back, you smile at the sensation. Your slick lathers your fingers. "Show me?" Eddie asks hesitantly. You smile as you raise from his bed. He raises his chin towards you. With a bite to your lip, you brush your two fingers against his mouth. His chocolate innocent eyes watch you as you push deeper past his lips. His tongue drags between your fingers. Eyes remain dead set upon you. "Hmm," you moan. "Tasty," he whispers with your fingers still in his mouth.

You slowly pull from him, dragging against his plump bottom lip. You rest back onto his sheets, as your fingertips circle softly against your clit. "Rub a little harder?" Eddie suggests. The words falling right from his mouth before he could even catch himself. You nod as you follow his instruction. Your breathing heavies as you feel the pleasure rush through your limbs. He undoubtably notices as you hear shifting within the old wooden chair. His grip tightening around his arm as he lets out low groans from deep within.

“God, I want to touch you,” Eddie whispers. He holds back anymore “wants” in fear that you might stop what you are doing. You moan as you watch him tremble in that seat. You can feel how much he wants to touch you, more than you’ve ever felt before. “Please go inside, baby. Just one finger at first,” he whimpers. You oblige. You hear him stifle back a moan as he watches your finger disappear. “In and out, baby. Yeah - just like that,” he instructs. His chin raising as goosebumps flood his skin.

“Nice and slow, baby. Fuck,” Eddie says as he begins to grind against the chair. You smile at the sight of him. He’s desperate for your touch, yet he remains obedient in his seat for you. Not daring to move a muscle. The slow movements feel heavenly. You also wish it could be his chilled ringed fingers brushing against your clit.

“Please a little faster, baby. For me,” Eddie whimpers as he adjusts his sit. His breathing intensifies as he rests uncomfortably in his jeans. The undeniable bulge in his pants leaving you salivating. His hands remain on the back of the chair. An unspoken rule set forth that he could not touch himself. He only could watch. Part of you both hating and loving this rule.

With a nod, you increase your movements. The light sensation moving in and out of you was a great way to start but you wanted more. You plunge your second finger in as your other hand rushes to your hair. Your nipples harden at the increased arousal. “Holy fuck,” Eddie gasps at the sight of you. Your beautiful body on display for him, both pleasurable and undeniably punishing.

“Please let me touch you, baby. Please let me come over there,” Eddie whimpers. You shake your head no as you movements quicken. Your palm drags down your face until it lands firmly against your breast. Your hips begin to rut and you almost lose your balance on the edge of his mattress.

Eddie watches you gob-struck. “Baby please! I’ll do anything. Please let me help you,” he begs. The creaking of the chair loudens as he shifts. The pain is almost unbearable, but so fucking worth it. In between ragged breaths, you ask, “How would you help me?” He immediately responds, “I’d crawl to you, baby. Hands and knees. I’d put my tongue on your pussy so fucking fast. I’d stick my tongue so deep inside you that you cum so fucking hard in my mouth. I’d swallow your cum, baby.”

You giggle at the sounds of his desperation. You can’t deny that his ideas would feel incredible right now. “What else?” you add breathlessly. Your other hand now lightly rubbing against your clit as your fingers curl within. Eddie watches you with sweat plastering his curls to his forehead. “I’d suck on your clit while my fingers fuck you so hard and so fast baby. I’d leave marks on your ass from pulling you onto my mouth,” he mumbles. You watch as he actually seems to salivate.

“What about that cock of yours?” you ask with a crack to your voice. Eddie’s detailed descriptions bring you closer and closer to euphoric bliss. He leans forward. His mouth almost inching closer and closer to your wide spread thighs. He might topple forward in the chair. “Oh god, baby. My cock would be yours. Only existing to make you cum. If you’d let me, I’d rub the tip of my cock on your clit until you were nice and wet,” he whispers breathlessly. His hand clawing deep onto his arm. “I’d thrust my cock so deep inside you, you’d see stars. I’d make you cum so hard on my cock and I wouldn’t cum until you let me, baby.”

Eddie begins to blubber. “Please baby, just use my cock. Please just use me to make yourself cum. I’ll be your own personal dildo, fuck - please,” he begs. You giggle at the sound of him as the pit in your stomach tightens. You rest your head back as you feel yourself flirting with the edge. Eddie recognizes it immediately. “Cum for me, baby. Cum on those pretty fingers for daddy. Show me what that tight pussy can do,” he murmurs as he watches your hips rut up. “Fuck, y/n. Cum for daddy. Let me see you cum, pretty girl.”

You moan and shake as your orgasm throws you through a loop. You hear Eddie slam his fist against his thigh as he uses all of his strength to remain seated in that chair. His entire body floods with pain as yours fills with pleasure. Exactly what you intended. “Thank you,” he mumbles under a whisper. As you ride out your high, your hips continue to grind against his mattress. Every inch of you wishes it was him, but god did your stubbornness outweigh your horniness.

With your final moans, you rest almost lifeless spread out in front of him. Your eyes slowly open to see a tearful Eddie. Moon-shaped marks rack his wrists, and perfectly compliment his tatted forearms. The tent pitched in his jeans remains abundantly firm and full. He is just as out of breath as you are. “Next time, just tell me I’m beautiful. Compliments go a long way,” you share. He smiles, a gorgeous smile that leaves your cheeks rosey. “You’re so beautiful,” he whispers with all sincerity. You smirk with a nervous bite to your lip. “Get over here.”

• part two • i want it •

note: i apologize to anyone who read that last line like mortal combat. im sorry to rip you out of it haha a bit of a different kinky take on things, probs could’ve gone kinkier but we all gotta start somewhere. i hope it fits non the less. let me know what you think!

• nav • no-no plagiarism • one shot • requests open •

[negasonicimagines]

Snow Day

request: Okay so reader and Ellie has been dating for a while and been keeping it a secret. But deadpool being deadpool realizes something is going on and drags/forces Colossus with him to spy on reader and Ellie(not in a creepy way, Deadpool even brought pop corn). Anyways the date goes on and reader and Ellie goes in for a kiss, but Deadpool has a typical cinematic *insert funny joke here*moment and spoils it. Ellie becomes aware of his presence and gets a bit mad while reader can't help but laugh.

synopsis: You and Ellie hide in plain sight, or so you think.

warnings & notes: mentions of suicide, allusions to bdsm — AKA a typical fic with Deadpool in it. F/A = Favorite Animal

You understand why it has to be this way. You’re not a civilian by any means, but you’re not as high-profile as your girlfriend or the team she’s a part of. Going public with your relationship would only make her biggest weakness public, which would put you in the crosshairs of anyone with a bone to pick with the X-Men.

In the quiet times, though, the two of you sneak into a small town and pretend to be a normal couple. You look forward to that… Well, this, actually. It’s happening right now as the two of you sip on overpriced vegan hot chocolate on a park bench on a snowy evening after a short-feeling long day of checking out all the small businesses and eating at a couple of the restaurants.

“How’s work been?” she asks. Both of you wish this wasn’t so awkward, but it’s the first time you’ve seen each other in person in a while, at least, the first time in a while where you didn’t have to pretend to be mere acquaintances.

“Oh, y’know… Filling system’s done, finally. We’re thinking about punch cards, since we noticed there’s a lot of repeat clients.”

“Really?”

“Well, I suggested it and Jessica didn’t throw an empty whiskey bottle at my head, so…”

Ellie snorts.

“Wow, so it’s pretty much guaranteed.”

“What about you? Can I expect to get some ink anytime soon?” you wonder.

“Has it been that long? I’m still on my apprentice split, but I’ve been allowed to tattoo real people for a little while now.”

“That’s great, babe! I’m so proud of you. Show me pictures!” You enthusiastically reply.

Ellie sheepishly gets out her phone, swiping through the album of all her tattoos. You gasp at an illustrative one of a tiger with swirling stippled lines and gentle shadows. It’s hauntingly beautiful.

“Wait, that’s fucking sick; do you think you could do that with F/A?”

“Yeah, for sure. You want me to? Like, you trust me with that? You know it’s permanent, right?”

“Um… Yes? There’s literally no one I trust more than you,” you remind her. She smiles in response and as rare as her smiling is— really, you should take the time to admire it —all you want to do whenever she smiles is kiss her. You lean closer, wordlessly asking permission.

Her smile gets wider before she leans in, too.

“Oh my fucking god, just kiss already!” a man pops out from a tree behind you and shouts, and the lightbulbs of every single lamp post within a 50-foot radius shatter with your surprise. Thankfully, the sun hasn’t fully set yet, so everyone can still see. You press a hand to your chest, trying to catch your breath.

“What the fuck, Wade?” Ellie asks. She knows that guy? Well, that’s a bit of a relief compared to the alternative.

“Language!” Colossus scolds, ambling out from behind a much larger tree. “Ah, Miss L/N! How are you? It’s been a long time since I’ve seen you.”

“Doing well, thanks, despite the heart attack Ellie’s friend just gave me,” you say with a chuckle. It’s kind of funny now that you know you’re not in danger.

“He’s not my friend,” Ellie quickly corrects you.

“We’re besties, actually!” Wade insists. “Does the friendship bracelet I made you mean nothing?”

“He made you a friendship bracelet?” you coo half-sarcastically, giggling even more.

“This isn’t funny. We get one date a week if we’re lucky, and we’re not lucky. What the hell, dude?”

“Oh, c’mon, don’t make me the bad guy! You were the one being all squirrelly and secretive! Piotr and I just wanted to find out what unfortunate girl you tricked into dating you. I’ll say, Pinkie Pie’s cute, but you totally upgraded. And you, holy shit, daddy issues much? You’ve got a type! How’s Jessica doing, huh?”

“She’s my boss,” you argue. “Wait, how do you know that?”

“Uh, hello, it’s me! Deadpool?”

“Oh. Sorry, didn’t recognize you without all the kinky getup.”

“It’s not kinky!” he protests, throwing his bucket of popcorn into the air. The buttery kernels fall faster than the snow.

“Then what are all those buckles and loops for?” you wonder.

“Utility!” he squeals, clipping a carabiner to one to prove it. “You’re really not disproving the whole daddy issues thing here!”

“I’ll let the fact that the allegations are coming from a man who’s using the term ‘daddy issues’ to disparage me, even though it says more about my father, speak for itself,” you reply sweetly.

“Whoa, hey, no disparaging happening here! I have daddy issues, too! But we have to be self-aware. We deserve better. She’s mean!”

“Only to those who lack self-awareness,” you remark.

He gasps.

“You’re mean, too! Is that why your daddy left?”

You resist the urge to make an incredibly inappropriate joke, especially in front of Colossus. You stifle a laugh as you and Ellie share a look.

“Ew!” he screeches. “Oh my god, I’m gonna be sick. I’ve known Ellie since she was, like, twelve-”

“Seventeen,” Ellie interjects.

“-and she’s like a little sister to me, you sick perv!”

“I hope you don’t actually have a younger sister, if this is how you treat her,” Ellie remarks. “Anyways, her dad’s dead, so stop being a dick.”

“Well, he did kill himself, so you could be right… Maybe it was because of me,” you turn to him and say solemnly, before turning back to Ellie and giving her a wink before you start to sniffle, covering your face so he won’t see that you’re laughing and not sobbing.

“Oh my god!” Wade exclaims, rushing over to the bench. He puts a hand on your shaking shoulder. “I didn’t- Shit, I’m sorry!” He retracts his hand, and judging by his muffled voice, both of them are over his mouth in embarrassment. “I- Oh, I suck. I suck so bad! I’m sorry. I’m sure you’re very nice under normal circumstances, I’m just a jerk who crashed your date. Please don’t cry!”

You start to feel a little bad for him, so you uncover your face to reveal that you’re laughing.

“Okay, now that you’ve admitted it, can you two please leave so we can enjoy what’s left of the day?” you ask with a grin.

“Of course,” Colossus says, plucking Wade from the ground like a flower. “Let’s go, Wade.”

“You evil little-! You two are a perfect match!” he calls out to you as he wrestles his unwilling accomplice.

“Oh, man. That was good,” you chuckle. “Now, back to our regularly scheduled programming.”

The two of you share a kiss.

[away-ward]

Original ask here.

I want to preface this by clarifying that I understand why people don’t like Will. I didn’t like Will the first time I read through the series. In preparing this, I’ve struggled with how to explain my feelings about him, because while I do understand where people are coming from, I can’t help but appreciate his story arc and character overall, especially when compared to the three other Horsemen. I’m not entirely sure how to bring all my thoughts together to coherently present to you why I don’t hate that he got the girl in the end.

Before we start, please know that I am not attempting to change your mind. This isn’t a persuasive essay. I’m just explaining my thoughts on Will’s story arc and characterization, and you are free to agree or disagree as you please.

Please note that below the cut is about 7k on why I like Will Grayson. If reading that would upset you, please feel free to skip. I’ll catch you on the next post. No worries.

If, however, you are down to inspect this little nut case from my overly enthusiastic perspective, hit the button. Now, on to the insanity.

The Anon asked me to focus on Will’s growth, but the problem with that is that I don’t think Will has a ton of growth within the series. At least not a straight, upward linear path. The order of the series, the overlapping timelines, can make it difficult to track his trajectory, but if we start from Will’s earliest point in the storyline, which would be in Nightfall, and follow it all the way through to the end, Will’s character declines, almost consistently. With each installment, he almost always becomes a worse person.

I know. Probably not the explanation you were expecting from a Will defender. Hold on, I’ll get there.

When looking at Will’s story overall, I think there’s one key characterization that readers should remember. And that’s: Will lies. I mean, all the boys lie, but Will lies to the reader, and he’s good at it. I think of all the other Horsemen, Kai might come close to having this skill to a degree. Still, I don’t think he’s as good at it as Will is. Will wears a mask that fools just about everyone he encounters, and it was this interpretation that had me reconsidering my original impression of him.

I didn’t love Will for most of the series. In fact, I hated him so much I nearly didn’t make it to Nightfall because what was the point. Will was mean and rude, and the constantly drunk thing was old. I didn’t care about him at all.

But then I met high school Will. I was mystified, and in wonderment about this charming boy who loved this one girl with his whole heart. He was so sincere toward Emory. He was difficult to swallow and a bit obtuse at times. Yet, my heart bled for them and the reasons they couldn’t be together; how much it hurt him to lose her and how he didn’t understand.

It was impossible to reconcile Will from high school to Will in the present. They were not the same person. When I finally gathered the bits of my shattered heart off the floor, I went back through the series and read just Will’s scenes to try and make some sense of what happened. I first concluded that PD didn’t know what they were doing, because they unintentionally wrote two different characters. Will in Corrupt, Hideaway, and Kill Switch was not the same character in Nightfall. End of story. I brushed my hands off, ready to let it go.

However, I found that didn’t sit right with me. There had to be a reason. And this may be where my projections and head canons for Will start to take over. Where I see what I want to see and have no problem with that because at the end of the day, I just want to enjoy myself and my ship.

When I read through the scenes again, with the understanding that Will was lying in most of the scenes he’s in, I began to see three different versions of the character, each with their own motives and priorities. However, I don’t see all versions as authentic – the “real” Will. Again, he’s lying or wearing a mask to cover up his deepest thoughts and feelings.

In the original Will post, I did a fair job summarizing Will’s high school life. We know he’s wealthy; the grandson of a senator, the youngest son of one of the wealthiest families in the country; he was raised in an affluent area, surrounded by people just like him. It seems that his older brothers are probably a good number of years older than him, and so the family member closest in age would have been his younger cousins, Misha and Annie.

He says that he was his parent’s good boy, and that his mother always sought his company, but Damon says he caused them trouble. This leads me to believe that Will’s parents spoiled him. He is their baby, after all. At the same time, I think he was probably generous with them as well. Will says that he had a Doris Day marathon when his mom asked, and he also came back to Thunder Bay for her when all he wanted was to stay away, so it seems that Will went out of his way to please her.

Damon says that Will’s house was his favorite. I’ve head-canoned that this is because the Grayson’s are genuinely a loving, happy family, and this is what allows Will to make it to high school with the sort of levity he has.

Will likes a good time, and he likes being mischievous. In high school, he finds friends who have similar tastes, and then there’s no limit. The Horsemen are privileged enough to avoid punishment no matter what they do. Will has everything he feels that he needs, except for one thing. But as I said before, he’s also delusional enough to think it’s only a matter of time before Emory gives into him.

I liked this side of Will. See, this Will, while obnoxious at times, is kind. He’s not always nice, but in general he’s kind. In Hideaway, when Damon knocks Banks off her bike, Will stops along with Kai and calls Damon an asshole for it. In Kill Switch, when Winter gets pushed into the boy’s locker room, and the rest of the boys are taking advantage of her blindness, Will approaches to make sure she’s okay.

Will said it himself. He likes being nice. Being mean is not his default, and in fact, it takes a lot of pushing to get him there. We don’t know how long Martin had been pulling him over before Will started pranking him. And that’s where he began – small, and what he thought were funny, harmless pranks.

After Emory leaves him, he tries to ignore her, but he can’t. He’s still obsessed. He still watches her, and eventually he’s able to piece the puzzle together. I’m uncertain how long it took him to figure it out, but it doesn’t seem like it mattered. Emory had made her feelings clear, and he wasn’t going to continue throwing the dignity he had left out the window. He graduates from high school and all his friends go to different colleges. Much like Damon, Will isn’t good alone, and without his support system he starts to spiral out of control.

When people complain about Will, I often wonder if they realize Will hated himself too. No one’s saying anything he wouldn’t have agreed with, if he were being honest.

Getting into the past scenes in Corrupt, he seems the same as before. He’s loud, flashy, eager to party. He’s quick to tease, he’s not really being mean. Unlike Damon, he doesn’t mind that Michael is bringing Rika along. Like Kai, he’s seen this coming for a while, and it’s going to begrudge Michael his chance.

The Gazebo scene is a break from his usual demeanor. Will’s sudden shift is such a shock, that a lot of us found it to be the most compelling scene in the whole novel. Of course, right after that, he’s back to being loud. He deems Rika their Monster, plays air guitar, and gives her a lap dance. And by the end of the night, he’s black out drunk. So drunk that he doesn’t even know Damon has put him in the back seat of Michael’s car and is plotting with Trevor.

I think, at this point, it’s impossible to ignore the effect that seeing the completed gazebo had on him. Will was going to get drunk regardless, but I wonder if he would have gotten that drunk. From what we can tell, his drinking has increased over time in both frequency and amount. However, this was a special occasion – a reunion with his friends, and I think he planned to spend the night getting drunk with them, not before them. But then Michael was distracted with Rika, Damon had his own things going on, and now… the gazebo.

The following morning he’s arrested. As he sits in that room, aware the cop he assaulted is watching him, aware that it’s his fault the video exists and that he took his mask off, he’s as equally unaware that Emory has come to save him.

I image Will feels the burden for everything he’s done. I bet it stings, as he sits in that chair, knowing whenever the subject of Emory Scott comes up, he loses all sense of control. He can't help it. Meanwhile, she probably doesn’t even think about him anymore, having a great life at Berkley.

He doesn’t know why, but his family convinces him it’s better to plead guilty so that his sentence is lowered. Two and a half years of his life gone. His 21st birthday is spent in prison. Kai’s and Damon’s, too. Kai gets his degree, but he feels shame in it. Damon’s in solitary, his sentence longer. While he has nothing to do with Damon’s video, I think he still takes the blame for leading his friends to Martin.

Michael comes up with the plan for revenge as a way to keep them together. He needed a way to keep them from losing themselves, and keep that fire burning inside them until they're free to ride again.

And this is the end of the first version of Will. And in my opinion, this is the most authentic version of Will. This is who he is when he’s not trying to fool anyone. He cares deeply about his friends, his family, and Emory. He wants her to care about him, too, but he doesn’t want to force her to love him.

I’m not going to say he didn’t deserve what he got. As it was stated in Nightfall, Emory didn’t owe him her heart just because he wanted it. It wouldn’t have mattered if he did everything right, and she still didn’t want him. I think readers might be more sympathetic towards him if he had done things the “right” way. However, that he didn’t do things the right way doesn't change the fact that his motives for Emory were out of sincerity, and that’s why I think this is the most authentic version.

 Will is different when he comes out from prison. He’s impatient, more careless, and less trusting. When he teases, there’s a bitter edge to it. He genuinely wants to scare and hurt Rika. He’s angry.

Weird head-canon here, but I think Kai was the one who came up with the idea for the dagger and the note, Damon was the one who had the idea to get Christiane out of the way by sending her to rehab, and Will was the one who burned the Fane house down, though I may be forgetting if that was established. Correct me if I’m wrong. I just feel the fire and impulsivity of it goes along with Will’s anger. I also think it’s interesting that Will later moves into that same house with Emory after they pay to have it rebuilt.

Anyway, after the dust settles and Rika’s proven innocent, Will is shown to be able to quickly shift the way he thinks about her. He’s the first one to apologize, and he asks her if she’d like a drink in a “gentle voice.” When Michael tries to put Rika in her place, Will sits quietly, though she expects him to laugh. He's not finding this funny right now.

Michael starts the party. Will flies Alex down, but doesn’t seem to be paying a large amount of attention to her, since she complains that he left her to the high school guys. It seems his idea is the more, the merrier, and he’s not going out of his way for her. Again, it seems he’s just being nice and including as many people as possible because that’s what he’s known for. The next time he’s mentioned is the next morning when he’s dealing with a hangover.

He’s definitely taking this time to blow off some steam. Remember, he thought he was going to be getting his revenge on Rika for her betrayal. However, he was forced to talk about why he went to prison, forced to discuss Emory, and betrayed by Damon. Not the night he planned.

After this, Will is the most determined to get revenge on Trevor and Damon. He insists that it must happen soon, and that everyone needs to be on board, including Rika. Will’s sense of right and wrong is largely based on loyalty, so to him, Rika needs to get hers too for everything to be made right.

I thought it was interesting that Will is seen driving frequently, which to me tells me he wasn’t drinking regularly at this time. I doubt Kai or Michael would allow him to drive, especially with Rika in the car, if he were constantly drunk or hungover.

We all know what happened on the Pithom, and how Damon attempting to kill him would have affected him, so I think we can skip to what’s going on with him in Hideaway.

Hideaway is a weird period for Will. Michael and Rika are engaged, and Kai has secluded himself across town in the White Hall district and his focus is on finding Damon. He lives at Delcour and works at Graymor Cristane, but he’s left out of a lot of their conversations. Kai notes that he’s been “misbehaving” since Damon left, but it’s unclear what that means exactly. I understand that he’s been drinking more and getting into harder drugs, but what trouble has he caused? Regardless, it’s clear that Michael and Kai have been trying to manage him, so to speak. But their way of managing him causes more friction. It’s probably because Michael and Kai have much a much stricter approach to his habits. While their solution to the problem is to find Damon to give Will his revenge, I wonder if they’d actually worked with him on his addictions and communicated, if Will would have been able to recover sooner.

But they’re men who don’t want to appear weak by communicating or showing any kind of vulnerability. What can you do?

I think when Will is left alone, his thoughts circle back to Emory eventually, and this contributes to the cycle of his addictions. He’ll do anything to make the pain stop. Will wants to be comforted. He needs it, too, after everything he’s just gone through. However, with Michael and Kai distracted, Will only has one other person to turn to, and it just so happens that Alex also lives at Delcour, making it even easier for him to have access to her. I’ve spoken about how his relationship with her changed during the time jump between Corrupt and Hideaway, and I think this might have had something to do with it.

When Will speaks, though, he’s back to being rude and cutting, especially with Banks. There was one scene I found particularly interesting, and that’s when he’s trying to mock her virginity. Banks snaps back at him, and it seemingly shuts him up.

On the surface, this appears to prove that Banks is tough and witty, and that Will can’t beat her with sheer cockiness. But like I said before, being mean isn’t his default. He doesn’t like it, and I don’t think it comes naturally to him. At the same time, the fandom loves to compare Banks and Emory for their similarities. Dark hair, not traditionally girly, sarcastic, tough, having gone through difficult things at a young age which left them with a critical view of the world? Banks response to him much the same way Emory would, and unlike the girls he usually finds himself surrounded by.

Is it possible that Will was able to pick up on these similarities, too?

I also wanted to touch on the scene where Banks reveals what she knows to Michael and Will. You can tell me if I’m off my rocker or not, because this may be a very different view of the situation, but I don’t want to ignore the possible meaning.

Banks tells Michael that Will can’t go five minutes without reaching for a bottle, and that he’s being hounded by Martin again. This is supposed to tell us how much information Banks has; she knows things even Michael doesn’t know, and they’re happening right under his nose.

She calls Martin a “child-abuser” but as we know, Martin has abused his power in other ways. He was going to rape a sixteen-year-old before Will, Kai, and Damon stopped him. It’s not clear if she knows about Emory’s history yet.

Will defends himself with Michael, but then the subject is dropped. No more thought into why Will is acting this way. This is odd behavior for Will, because we know that Will doesn’t do things alone, so why is he trying to handle Martin without Michael or Kai?

Banks is looking at everyone closely, but this information is only surface level. It's what you’d get by watching people and tracking patterns. It seems more likely to me that she’s installed cameras to keep track of multiple locations and reviews the footage, versus her staking out each of the Horsemen in rotation. I think she’s gathered information, but doesn’t know quite know what it all means. She’s also strategic in a way, but in this case, only when it relates to Michael and Kai. Damon’s likely told her certain things about Will that aren’t entirely true, like when he told Rika Will is too stupid to add two plus two. That’s an exaggeration, of course, but the implication is that Will is stupid. It’s possible Banks is underestimating him.

It’s supposed to appear that Will can’t fool Banks, but he has. She doesn’t think deeply about what’s going on with him beyond the surface, trying to determine what’s causing him to act out and how it could potentially affect his future behavior, which is a variable she should want to know. And even later, in the following years when Will is spiraling even farther, and he disappears, Banks doesn’t seem to have any extraordinary insight into why.

So, either Banks is not as insightful as she seems, and is just good at gathering information, which doesn’t feel entirely true, though I am willing to consider this aspect of her personality has been exaggerated. To me, it’s more likely that Will is very good at keeping his true thoughts and feelings behind a mask that even Banks can’t see around.

Anyway, again, I may be looking at this from a different angle, and I hope I'm not pissing-off Banks’ fans, but I thought it was interesting. Remember, I’m not implying that she isn’t smart. Only that Will might not be as dumb as we think he is. Regardless, I personally would have preferred if in Kill Switch she continued pushing him and could see the cracks in his lies that the others were missing.

In the last half of Hideaway, Will comes around as Kai’s feelings for her become more evident. This is like what happened with Rika, though he is a bit slower this time around. He has less to feel guilty about and less of a personal connection with Banks, so I don’t think much of it. He still tries to be kind to her in some ways, and it makes me think that the times he was being mean was because he was covering up other feelings. I’ll point out again that Banks has a personal connection to Damon and could possibly remind him of Emory in certain ways; Banks also calls him out for hiding things, which might give him a moment to fear she’s seeing too much. He has reasons to be weary around her, but even then, when she asks him for help, he’s right there dog-nabbing with her.

And I can’t help but think that this is because, at his truest, best self, he is a kind person who wants the people he cares about to be happy. Despite everything, he’s allowed Banks to enter this circle.

This also got me thinking that everyone sees Will as the happy one. He’s jubilant, for sure, but I don’t think he’s truly happy. So it’s interesting to me that he would still care and go out of his way to make sure his friends get their happy endings, to make sure they have what they want and need, that they see “justice” served for them, but he doesn’t try to go for it himself.

Before getting into Kill Switch, I want to address another side thought, because it might become relevant later, and I’m not sure where it fits best.

I’ve noticed this trend in the Anon’s asks that people are mad at Will for a variety of reasons, but one that gets mentioned that I just can’t wrap my head around is that he never reached out to Emory in the time between his release and Blackchurch. This one is a difficult topic for me to respond to because I feel that Will not reaching out to her, for whatever reason, was the right decision for both he and Emory.

For three years in high school, Emory told him no and pushed him away. She said yes for one night, but then pushed him away again. From there, all he knew was that there was a secret between her and Damon, but he figured out about the abuse on his own. He continued watching her and thinking about her; even as he tried to ignore her, he couldn’t.

Looking at it from Will’s point of view, Will knew he loved Emory. He tried being honest and open with her. He revealed his heart to her, thought he’d made it clear that he was willing to do anything for her, but some reason she wasn’t going to trust him. Even when she had left Martin and was out of his control, she still didn’t clarify anything with Will. I don’t know what other conclusion Will was supposed to draw other then she didn’t want his help, and that she didn’t love him.

At the point that Will’s been released from prison, Emory is an adult and she’s out of immediate danger. If she cared, if she was angry, if she had any thoughts for Will at all, she knew where to find him. He had been at the same address for two years. In his mind, it must have seemed like Emory was communicating loud-and-clear: she wanted nothing to do with him. And he couldn’t keep forcing himself into her life; the constant rejection hurt too much. He’d take the loss and pretend like it wasn’t killing him.

Overall, he wasn’t in the state of mind to have a productive conversation with her, and they both would have come away more hurt.

This is not to say that I think Will was aware he was respecting Emory’s wishes, or that that’s what he was intending to do. I think Will was trying to ignore her because he was in pain, because his pain had caused problems for his friends, and because thinking of her caused more pain. But he was indirectly respecting the signs Emory had given him. At no point since homecoming night had Emory given him a green light to interact with her, and he kept his distance. I can’t hate him for that.

Disclaimer before anyone gets mad: Expecting Emory to make those kinds of decisions is expecting way more than he should. I agree with the decisions Emory made. At seventeen, Will had too much hubris, as a lot of young adults do, especially those who come from privileged backgrounds. It takes some experience and humility to look back and identify where you were wrong, and even then, you need to be clear-headed enough to accept it without being angry. Getting out of prison, Will had neither experience, humility, nor a clear head.

And I bring this up now because one, I think this is one of the small ways that Will does show some growth, and two, it’s related to the level of his happiness.

Which, going into Kill Switch, is at an all-time low.

Damon is back. We know that he’s reached out to taunt Will. I think this has caused his character to decline the farthest it’s been at this point. You see, he appears to be nice to Winter, but the truth is he has no real interest in her. Winter is the way to get to Damon because Will knows she is Damon’s ultimate target. He knows Winter is different, and that’s the key Will intends to use to get his revenge. Planning this on his own might be the most devious thing he's done.

His dynamic with Winter is a bit different from what it was with Banks. Winter’s already in with their group because she’s been around for a few years, and they’re somewhat familiar with her. She’s also a “friend” of Rika’s, and in fact it’s Rika’s idea to send Will into to help Winter train. I wondered if Rika had asked both Kai and Will to help, and Will was the one who accepted because of Damon. It could have also been that Kai was just busier and Will had more free time, but whatever.  

While he’s somewhat kind in his direct dealings with Winter, he’s also mean to her. The way he speaks about her to goad Damon outside the pool house, regardless of if he believes his words or not, proves he has ulterior motives. Also, the way he forcibly kisses her when she’s leaving Michael and Rika’s home as a desperate move to hurt Damon, shows a lack of consideration and respect for Winter. It’s worth noting that he goes this far after Damon brought up Emory in the pool house, but it’s up to you whether you think it’s connected.

Again, I can’t help but think this lashing out is… a mask. He hides his true thoughts and feelings under a mask, sometimes of cruelty, which he learned from watching his friends, and sometimes of happiness, the kind he used to have when things were better. And I think to face Damon, he felt he had to be cruel. What he found was that even his false cruelty was nothing against Damon’s genuine viciousness. He couldn’t compete, and if he were being honest, he didn’t want to.

We see a shift in the way Will begins to treat Winter in the last half of the story, when things are coming together for the group. It seems that at the first chance he gets to start being kind, he goes back to his default.

Because he never wanted to be mean in the first place.

This ends the second version of Will. I like to think that this is the least authentic version of him; or at least the one farthest away from who he’d like to be, and that he’s behaving in a way that doesn’t come naturally to him. I believe he’s acting this way because he’s in pain, not because this is who he is in his heart.

Looking at the life Will has experienced for the past few years, it’s interesting to me that at this point, Will seems to be in the best situation he’s been in for a while. With Damon back, he has the strength and willingness to stop using drugs. To me, this was a sign that he was starting to heal, and if he continued going in this direction, things would have only improved. Will was tired of himself, tired of dragging his friends down, and tired of feeling dead to the world, and this was the first step in the right direction.

I also think this is the first time he had women in his life who were friends and not nameless girls he could bed and forget, and this helps him to start to develop actual ideas of what it means to truly love someone. As he witnesses the things his friends are willing to do for their women, I can’t help but wonder if he’s started to reflect on the way he handled Emory. Again, we have no way of knowing, but it wouldn’t make sense if it didn’t come up sometimes. He also has Alex, who has her own heart break and way of masking her pain, but genuinely seems happy for his company despite all the problems he has. Which, unfortunately, Emory never got the chance to do, though we know she would have.

He’s getting the help he needs; business is moving forward. This is probably the time he finds Coldfield, buys it, and designs it himself. Coldfield is also where he parks the bus from homecoming night, which he somehow managed to secure, showing he’s still thinking about Emory in some capacity.

Who knows, maybe once he was fully sober and free of his vices, he would have reached out to Emory and tried to reconnect. Maybe once he felt like he had something to offer her, or a way to fight for her, or that he could stand a chance. Maybe, for the first time in years, Will is hopeful for the future.

He never got that far, though, because it was at this time that he was made aware of the document Emory signed.

Will says he went to Blackchurch for a few different reasons, but mainly because he knew he’d need the extra help getting sober. It couldn’t be just his friends; they were too generous with him. More than that, he wanted to be done with all of it, the drugs, the alcohol, and the women.

He also wanted to be able to bring something more to the table. This makes sense, in a way. Michael and Rika were brought their college degrees and inheritances, with a clear future already set. Kai and Banks, as well, had Sensou and the empire she inherited from Gabriel. With or without an inheritance, Damon was a force to be reckoned with. They were also starting families and planning their futures, and what did Will have? He knew Misha wouldn’t be interested, and his family was becoming more saddened with his lack of direction, though they'd never cut him off. He had no drive and nothing to be better for.

However, without the drugs and alcohol to numb his pain, Will is an open wound. Personality wise, he’s stripped bare, with nothing left to cover up the parts of him that are bleeding. Being in a nearly abandoned forest with no connection to the outside world might have served the purpose of helping him to sooth his anger. That being said, Will still isn’t dealing with the source of his pain. Locked on that island, he has no reason to; it’s not like Emory can just drop in out of the blue, right?

Yeah…

And again, there’s nothing to prove this, but I wouldn’t put it past Aydin to identify Will right away and decided to “help” him break down those walls he’s built up to keep his pain from ravaging him, and then wait for the perfect time to bring in the source of that pain just to see what happens. Aydin knows Emory is salt on Will’s wounds. Seeing her burns him like nothing else, and he has no way of covering it up. He’s given up those tools and hasn’t developed any coping skills. All he has is his cruelty to keep from falling apart. But again, it's false cruelty meant to hide what he is truly feeling.

As mean as Will is with his words, the actions he takes show that he still cares deeply, despite what he believes Emory thinks of him. It’s because, even after all this time, that he still cares about her that makes him so angry. But I think his anger is more directed at himself than at her, though it’s her he lashes out at.

It's interesting, though, that before Emory showed up, he’d already garnered the friendship of Micah and Rory through act so kindness. I’m reminded that being kind is what comes naturally to him. He just doesn’t want Emory to see it. He's protecting that part of himself from her. I think he believes if she sees it, she'll see how pathetic he is because of how much he still loves her, and that would slice him open even more.

In Nightfall, Will ponders over the reality of him pursuing Emory for revenge, and there’s an edge of doubt to his thoughts. This indicated to me that there originally was a part of him that intended to get sober just so he could seek her out, but that once he was in Blackchurch, he started to reach some clarity. Still, he's not prepared for her to show up, and so he is incredibly defensive with her. He doesn’t go out of his way to protect her, but he doesn’t want to see her hurt at someone else’s hands.

He tells Aydin he wants her gone, and Aydin accurately surmises that what Will wants is for her to be safe.

When Aydin spikes her soup and Emory tells the story of the day she got drunk at school, Will wonders if he saw her that day. And when she tries to drink again later, he prevents her because he knows what it’s like to lose himself, and he won’t let her do that.

The way that Will treats Emory when they get off the train feels like he’s starting to revert to his old self, but not the Will that he was before Blackchurch. The person he was before he went to prison. Though he is slightly different.

In high school, Will told Emory he would hurt anybody for her. I don’t think Will included himself when he said that. In fact, the actions he took when he was hurt by Emory, and the blame he placed on her for his pain, prove he wasn’t willing to hurt for her.

However, this Will is. He burns down the Cove because it’s time to move forward. The Cove was dead, and the Horsemen were always planning on tearing it down. They were just waiting on Will, who was still hung on up it because it was his last good memory of Emory.  

He also tells Emory he loves her, but he’ll let her go.

This is a Will who understands that when he says he’ll do anything for her, that has to include things that might hurt him. And it’s this willingness to let go that tells Emory he’s a safe place to land. He’s not going to try and trap her or control her or leave her when he's done, like she feared he would before. He left the choice with her in the fullest sense, and that’s what she wanted.

Will is able to show he loves her in the way that matters to her, not to himself, which is the standard he set in high school. This is his most significant change, though it's very small.

Like I said, I don’t think Will experienced a ton of “growth” throughout the story. I think Will in high school was the best of him, and from the point that we meet him in Corrupt to the present scenes in Nightfall, his character experienced a sharp decline in quality, but I also don’t think that everything we see from him is “true.” I think he’s lying to protect himself, and people who are in pain do awful things.

Returning from Blackchurch with a clear head of what he needs to do is when he starts turning around. I believe that that Will could eventually become someone that his high school-self could not only be proud of but impressed by. I also believe this version of Will is going to fair surpass who he would have been if prison had never happened.

The problem, all of that would happen after the book ends. At the point where the series ends, Will still has a lot of work to do, and it’s not going to be easy. But I see a return of his natural patience and inclination to be kind helping him greatly.

As an example, when Emory was talking of buying her old house, he thought it was a bad idea because of all the memories it held. Emory explains her reasons, and he listens, he nods, and simply agrees. He doesn’t continue to push for his way, like he did in high school. He understands that Emory knows what she wants and what’s best for her. He’s capable of change, and we know he’ll always want to be better for Emory.

This is what I see when I read his story. I don’t think his story is as sad as Emory’s by any means. Will caused a lot of his own problems, he moped and wallowed, and he made several bad decisions. Despite the fact that cruelty isn’t his default, he is still very capable of being as cruel as any of the guys, and he displays that in a variety of ways. I try to reason on, not excuse his behavior. But seeing him this way is what helps me to think that he and Emory are going to have a wonderful life together, that Emory is going to be happy with him, which of course, is my goal.

It would have been nice if Will had done all that work before reuniting with Emory. Maybe there is an alternate universe where he never gets that document Emory signed, gets sober, quits his vices, gets some therapy and heals before he goes to see her in San Francisco, just to apologize. They can take off from there on some sweet, second chance rom-com. Who knows.

Point is, he didn’t do the work before Emory was thrust back into his life, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t ever do the work. People don’t think that Will deserves Emory, which is funny to me because they say it as if Will thinks he deserves Emory. I think more than anyone, Will is aware he’s married so far out of his league, and he can only hope that she continues to think he’s worth it for some reason.

Now, I know this might not have meant anything to you. If you hate Will, you hate Will and that’s fine. But I think if we’re going to believe that Michael, Kai, and Damon have done enough to be “redeemed” according to PD, then Will would have done those things too if there’d been time. Although, I don’t want to see what those things would have been; I prefer my own version, thank you.

I’ll take this moment to answer some of the complaints I get regarding Will’s behavior and why they don’t bother me as much as they seem to bother others.

Will and Alex sleeping together; Will sleeping around in general.

I don’t care what type of relationship Will had with Alex because neither of them were in a committed relationship. They didn’t have anyone to answer to. They were two adults engaging in a relationship with dynamics they both agreed on. Will didn’t owe Emory celibacy, just as Emory didn’t owe Will anything. On that note, other than Alex, we don’t know if Will’s sexual habits changed greatly from when he was in high school. In Corrupt, Michael says that he buried himself in women the first few weeks he was out, but then it’s not really commented on again.

He also wasn’t forbidden from falling in love with someone new, either.

Now, I don’t believe Will ever developed romantic feelings for anyone, Alex included. I also don’t believe Alex had any romantic notions towards Will. I think they loved each other, but not that way. As I mentioned, Will used sex to comfort and soothe himself, the same way Damon used sex to control.

The truth is, Emory Scott has owned Will’s heart and mind since she was thirteen years old, and there was nothing neither of them could do about it. Will had to drink and drug himself into oblivion just to stop thinking about her. He eventually got to a point where he didn’t want to do that any longer. Not even Alex’s charm was enough to make him stay.

He used Alex to make Emory jealous.

Yeah.

And in the past scenes when she didn’t do what he wanted, he told her she could be replaced easily, even though he didn’t want to do that. Honestly, that hurts me more than the Alex thing. It’s so mean.

But look at him! In the nearly ten years they’d been separated he has one thing that would get a rise out of Emory. And that thing is not that he’s had a lot of sex. It’s that he fulfilled the fantasies he developed for Emroy with someone else.

It shouldn’t be the burn that he thinks it is. He’s basically telling on himself. Emory gets jealous, but I want to be like, babe, he still has all the same fantasies from high school… he’s still thinking of you. This man is obsessed and has not stopped thinking about you for ten years. Take the win.

It’s pathetic that he uses the idea of another woman to make her angry, but it’s also the only thing he’s got. It only works because Emory loves him.

He’s being mean, but it’s out of desperation, and that’s just sad.

He’s a horrible person.

You could count the redeeming characters in this series on one hand. I don’t know what to say. That’s the series.

But here’s some reasons I like him:

He didn’t deny that he was the one that needed to change, and took steps to make those changes before Emory was back in his life. He wasn’t successful, but he started.

He returned to college when he had every reason not to, even though he hated school and was embarrassed to be so much older than most of the other students.

He also was the only one who adopted a dog from Banks, and I’m going to give him extra points for that.

He seems to be a decent father who loves the mother of his children.

I can’t remember any of the other complaints at this moment, I could go look, but I’m sure someone will remind me soon enough.

If you made it this far, you deserve a treat. Let me know if you decide to treat yourself. I’d give you one, but all I’ve got are hugs and head pats. Let me know if there was anything here that changed your view, even if it was only one aspect. Or let me know if I’m completely insane. I’ll accept that, too.  

This was fun. Take care!

-KO

[beneathashadytree]

Hi Maya! Congratulations for 2K, I'm very happy for you!! ❤️❤️❤️ let's aim for 3K, 4, and even more in the future ✨ for the event, may I ask for combination of 59+66 smut with Albert from Yuumori? feel free to skip this one if you feel uncomfortable to do so. And lastly, thank you! ❤️

SEDUCED - ALBERT MORIARTY X READER

Warnings : light NSFW but nothing too descriptive, makeout session, reader is gender-neutral!

Genre : spicy ig?

Word count : 0.9K words

Additional notes : Hi nonnie! Your sweetness really made my day, and I’m so glad to have been writing so long for kind people like you! As you can see from my life updates, I wasn’t physically capable of writing this before now—but I hope I did your request justice, even if I posted it so late!🫶🏽🫶🏽

Prompts : “Are you trying to seduce me? Because it’s working.” “Enough of that, let me fuck you.”

Requests are open for my 2K+ followers event! Check it out <3

Tip jar if you’d like to buy me a Ko-Fi!

Masterlist

“How about this?” they asked, spreading their arms out as they showed off their newest bespoke pants, paired with their favorite specially-tailored white shirt.

Albert’s emerald eyes almost burned a hole through the fabric, trained on their figure as they traced a track across their entire front. Wordlessly, he gestured for them with his index finger to give him a turn, and they obeyed—despite their slightly reddened ears, that is. His stare did things to them, as it often did, and still they felt it on their turned back… and on other places.

They began to speak freely, rambling a bit with the nerves that refused to leave them whenever they were in a room alone with Albert. “I had it done earlier this week, though I’m still not sure whether I’ll venture out with it, or keep it for more casual settings.” Flicking at an imaginary piece of lint, they went on. “It’s, uh, a little tighter ‘round the bottom than what you’re probably used to seeing, I’m sure.”

With that, they twirled one last time, enjoying the way the collar ruffles of their pristine white shirt danced with the movement. The airy fabric was something they were rather fond of. Looking up, they met Albert’s smoldering gaze, equal parts sensual and wicked. Something about his eyes made every look like an intimate caress, and this one was no different.

Swallowing thickly, they watched as he slowly approached them, the heels of his oxfords clicking against the floor of their room. It was sparsely furnished, compared to most of the mansion’s other rooms, and the sound echoed in a way that had them anticipating what he’d do the moment he’d—presumably—get his hands on them.

With only a few centimeters separating them, Albert was close enough to shake their nerves all over again. A tingle ran down their spine at the very thought of what his rosy lips might taste like if they dared take the half-step forward, or what his large hands might feel against the nape of their neck in a firm grip. Some peculiar ache grew deep in their belly at the shockingly vivid thoughts.

Before they could re-enact one of their daydreams, Albert’s hand had already reached out to stroke the side of their neck ever-so-gently. With each caress, they could feel their stiffness melt away, and a moan almost escaped their lips at the sensation. It felt good; better than good, even, paired with his devilish half-smirk and the unconcealed mirth dancing on his face.

He arched his brow at their reaction, probably seeing something in their own eyes that they couldn’t see but knew was there; they knew their eyes were probably unfocused and hazy with the undeniable lust that was slowly growing within them. One daring thumb gently brushed against their lower lip, prying their lips open. "Are you trying to seduce me?” he asked, before chuckling, “Because it's working.”

“Err.” They paused, unsure of what to say. What does one say, anyway, when faced with such a magnetic force of nature? Certainly nothing too intelligent, because their mind was currently void of all thoughts that weren’t scrambled by his very touch. “I mean, I really only wanted your thoughts on my new clothes. I rather liked them myself, and I do value your opinion, so I don’t think seduction was my intention.” Rushing to correct themself, they hoped he hadn’t gotten the wrong impression of a rejection from their words. “Although, don’t get me wrong, I honestly have no qualms against any… um, further developments…?”

Inwardly cringing at their phrasing, they watched as amusement flickered across Albert’s face. Really, they were only making a fool out of themself the longer they rambled on. “What I’m trying to say is, though I did want to initially show off the inverted seams on the shirt and the brilliant fit of the trousers, I’m all for a little, er, debauchery you could call it? Or if that isn’t—“

Albert shook his head in something that looked like exasperation, before taking the plunge and leaning in to absolutely blow their mind away with the sensuous kiss he bestowed upon them. A little rough as his teeth nipped at their lower lip, it served as the perfect distraction as one hand dug into their messy hair, while the other cheekily drifted down to rest on their bottom that they so boasted in this outfit.

Dazed by the overwhelming scent of him permeating their personal space and the sensation of his heavenly lips on theirs—and oh God, was that his warm tongue too?—they could feel themself begin to slip down, down, down, their knees weak and wobbly with the intensity of it all. Before they could probably pass out in his arms, he pulled away, with eyes that burned brighter than they’d ever seen. It wasn’t difficult to tell what sort of emotion drove him to look at them like that.

"Enough of that, let me fuck you. I’m certain there isn’t enough blood in my head right now to think of what a reversed seam might possibly be." With a jolt of surprise, the position they were in—with him so deliciously pressed up against them—meant that they could feel what he meant right against their belly. Their face warmed as their blush intensified at the realization.

“Inverted seam—“

Another devouring kiss stole their breath away, before he emerged victorious once more at having shut them up so skillfully that only a small, needy whimper could leave their mouth as he pulled back and let his hand caress them from behind. “Couldn’t care less right now, my dear. My mind’s busy conjuring up all sorts of images we could recreate on that bed behind you… if you’ll so please?”

Taglist : @sherlockscumslut @lilias-highlights @whitecelluyu @wifeofkyojuro

[caliburn-the-sword]

scarlet reactions and thoughts

buckle up buttercups shit's about to get real (and yet i STILL haven't hit the climax of this book holy shit)

i hate ALL men and it's because of wolf. istg he better be fucking lying out of his ass to keep scarlet alive and under control. ran wouldn't have attacked him if he wasn't - actually i guess that could've been a ruse to gain her trust. but then WHY would he ask her to run away?? there's a reason he hasn't had a SINGLE pov chapter this ENTIRE book. now i'm trying to figure out if he's ever glamoured her or not. i don't want to think he has because otherwise he could have skipped all the theatrics and made her trust him or force her to come against her will.

forgot to mention this on the last post but i find it HILARIOUS how scarlet and wolf got more action in 2 days compared to cinder and kai who never got a real kiss across 2 weeks or however long book 1 takes place across FKSHFSDKH. also you know the memes of what one character is doing while another character is doing something with a completely different tone?? that's literally cinder and kai like skirting around their little crushes on each other vs scarlet running around and freaking out about her granny going missing

holy shit this scarlet flashback: HOW did granny live a double life of looking after both cinder and scarlet all those years?? also she was essentially cinder's foster mum for a while?? because this isn't helping the ouat family tree allegations at ALL. cinder's foster parent is scarlet's grandmother, and cinder is the step cousin of princess winter. love this kind of bullshit. (note: this no longer applies for suspended animation reasons but it still counts as the silly ouat flashbacks where everyone somehow knows everyone else). anyway what did granny mean that she's fearful of hovers?? shouldn't she ALREADY be fearful of them?? like girl your granddaughter is lunar was that not already a concern???

it's official: thorne is a kaider shipper

THE ABSOLUTE COMEDY GOLD OF THORNE THINKING SCARLET IS THE LOST PRINCESS FKSHFSDKFHSD

SCARLET IF YOU REMEMBER THAT THE LUNAR PRINCESS WAS GETTING ADOPTED BY LINH THEN PLEASE CHECK THE NEWS AND GO HUH THE LUNAR CYBORG ESCAPED CONVICT HAS THAT SURNAME. the dramatic irony is killing me

ngl i don't have it within me to be upset about the death of scarlet's father. i hope it was painful

look as much as i love cinder i'm glad that kai got tipped off by the linhs because they NEED a full conversation together PLEASE

omg i KNEW something was off with the way granny kept asking questions and didn't offer any new information of her own. i should have seen it sooner. holy shit. this is amazing and such a good tie in to little red riding hood

FINALLY WOLF POV. ze'ev kesley. glad to finally have a name. AND I WAS RIGHT HE'S ON OUR SIDE YAY

OMG CINDER'S FINDING OUT ABOUT HER PAST AT THE BENOIT'S FARM I'M LOSING MY MIND IT'S ALL COMING TOGETHER

that wraps up all my reading from yesterday!! i need to be sedated. this book has me so tense like it's taking years off my lifespan but in the best way possible

@eddisfargo