#like literally unless i’m jacking off only when ur not home there’s not much more i can do

[lilgynt]

my own fault for going to bed at like 7:30 am and doing nightly rituals but my mom burst into my room to help her find her phone and after we did i was like hey babes i’m ur adult child who does adult things so please knock and i thought that with the bathrobe and nothing else on would be like. clear. but she was like muttering i didn’t see anything and i had to tell her i was jacking off. and she was like GRAHAM but i tried to tell you politely and we’ve had this exact convo in the EXACT same way CMON.

[smutsonian]

Ma'am I had this idea. Outrageous but I did😂😂. Dark! Colin Shea. Can u imagine. Him acting all friendly but his intentions r not so good. So I can't sleep now. Yay😂😂

Heyy! So another movie I haven’t seen 🤭 But it’s basically like a Neighbor AU situation, right?

I’m going to try something, I guess 😂

safe hands

colin shea x reader

warnings: smut! dark fic! noncon! drunk reader, innocent reader, stalking, obsession, loss of virginity, dark!colin, not proofread  

wc: 1606

a/n: not me writing for characters i dont even know... @jack-skellingtons-stuff hope ur sleepin well now sdkskskkd

masterlist

So Colin...

Probably a boy next door

Like literally. You just moved and he’s your next-door neighbor.

So, imagine you... A young pretty little thing that’s fresh out of college and is looking for a job but you’re just this awkward little ball of sunshine that keeps messing everything up.

You never even go out of your apartment unless it’s for an interview, even then, you so dread those stuff.

“You’re a freaking adult now! Why can’t you just act normal and do adult... stuff?!” You would chide yourself in front of a mirror, groaning in desperation at your lack of... experience? Like workwise.

Hey, there are people working from home. Maybe you can do that?

And you did. And you actually found one which is great for your adulthood but not great for you because you never go out of your apartment anymore. At all.

That’s when Colin comes in.

He was there when you moved in, expecting you to greet him like every girl who sees him. He really gets em easily. I mean... look at him.

So he watched you as you brought boxes in which there was not much. There were like 3 boxes, maybe 5 but not more. He watched you with amusement as you were too busy grunting at the boxes, missing his nude form by his door, only a small towel to cover himself.

He takes a bite of his apple, obnoxiously chewing to catch your reaction but he was met with a slam of your door.

Since then, he has become fond of you.

He’d watch you as you went in and out of your apartment in those cute little skirts and wonderful blouses and every time, it’s a sight for him.

He eventually found out that you’re going to job interviews and he found himself following you and witnessing some of those awkward interviews and he finds himself growing more fond of you. Even got himself thinking that he might actually like you... Is that even possible? He’s Colin Shea. He doesn’t settle down.

But for you, he might.

He saw how you would block everything out and he listened to your late-night talks with yourself and he can’t help but think about how adorable you are. How helpless you are. Something ignited in him and all he wants to do now is be there for you. Protect you. Take care of you.

Imagine his reaction when you’re no longer getting out of your apartment.

So he finally decides to meet you. Or for you to meet him. He knows so much about you already but he won’t say that to you.

A knock forces you away from your laptop. You open the door to find a man staring down at you with a friendly smile.

“Umm, hi? D-did I, Was I making any noise or something?” Your stuttering would make Colin’s heart leap out of his chest and the way you're dressed down with shorts and a huge sweater only made his heart swell even more.

“Uh hi! I’m Colin! I’m your neighbor! I uh... Was going to ask a favor, if that’s alright?” He smiles shyly at you.

“Um, yeah! What’s up?” You smile awkwardly, silently praying for him to leave already. Not that he was annoying. You were just not used to this... And besides, you’re doing work.

“I locked myself out of my apartment and I tried talking to the office but I guess they’re already out. I mean it’s pretty late.” He looks down at his wristwatch before looking at you with a hopeful smile making your heart beat faster. Not because of his boyish cute smile but because the idea of a stranger being with you just doesn’t sit right.

But it would be more awkward to deny him now, would it?

“It’ll be as if I wasn’t here. I promise. Just need somewhere to spend the night. I mean I can sleep by my door but that would be--” 

“Y-yeah, I guess you can stay for a while.” You give him a small smile which Colin found extremely adorable which then made him grin. A grin that soon fell when he took a look around your apartment.

He watches as you make your way back to your laptop, quickly getting back into your zone. His heart falls at the sight. Is that what you’ve been doing the whole day?

“Have you eaten?” He finds himself asking, not being able to resist.

He watches your face contort into confusion and he would’ve awed at the sight but your reply made him somewhat angry.

“I guess not... Did you want anything?” You pull yourself away from your laptop once more and Colin didn’t know if he liked the idea of you preparing his food but nothing for yourself. 

What a sweet girl...

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll order take-out!” Colin cheered before pulling out his phone, wiggling his eyebrows at your shocked expression.

That’s how you find yourself eating pizza while watching some show on the telly.

Then those nights became a thing.

Colin would often visit you, making sure that you eat and take a break from work because he said that you tend to overwork yourself.

“You’re not my mom!” You’d playfully slap his chest.

“Well, I might as well be!” He’ll take your wrist before dragging you towards your bed and forcing you to watch another batch of comedy shows.

He’d be laughing at the show so much that you find yourself laughing as well. 

You would no longer feel so stressed.

But then things went badly. 

The company you were working for decided to let some employees go and unfortunately, those who work from home weren’t as important as those who work in the office.

You cried in Colin’s arms that night.

Colin did feel sorry for you. But maybe it’s for the best. Even the universe thinks you shouldn’t be working like that. He’s there to take care of you. You would no longer have to stress yourself out to live.

He’ll make sure to take good care of you.

Then the drinks came up.

One bottle of beer. Then two. Then three.

Honestly, you lost count.

Colin didn’t. He didn’t drink any.

He’d watch you with a smile as you’re sad and brooding aura turned into a giggly one.

“I’m sleepy...” You would mutter, head falling down Colin’s shoulder and he would embrace you happily, stroking the side of your face gently.

He’ll smile at the way you would squeal when he carries you to your bed.

“You enjoy being relaxed, babe?” He asks, taking your socks off. Then your shorts and shirt that went unnoticed by you.

“Too hot!” You’d fan yourself with your hand which Colin would take. 

“Don’t worry. I’ll take care of you.” He’ll press a kiss on your forehead that’ll make you giggle.

Colin would watch your naked body, touch your warm skin with patience.

“So beautiful... And all for me, right?” He presses a kiss on your lips and you nod at whatever it is he’s saying.

He’ll easily play your body, making you and himself feel good. His fingers would play with your clit while his mouth laps on your nipples, taking turns from left and right.

He’d bask at the sound of your moans and whimpers that went straight to his hardening cock.

He’ll only stop when you’re drunkenly begging for more which he happily gives.

His hard cock would be poking your entrance and as he pushes in slowly, your eyes would widen, suddenly not so drunk anymore.

“Colin?” Your frightened voice alerts Colin and he would shush you with a kiss.

“Don’t worry about it, baby. I got you... I got you...” He whispers before pushing in, swallowing your cries with lustful kisses.

“God!” He moans when he’s fully seethed in, your walls hugging his cock. He stays there for a while, listening to your heavy breathing and slightly feeling guilty at your cries.

“Ahh...” You cry out when he slowly pulls out. He’d kiss your tears away before slowly pushing back in, pulling your body closer to his in a hug, whispering promises about feeling better soon.

And you did.

Your cries turned into moans which motivated Colin to thrust faster yet still careful to not hurt you. He didn’t even have to ask because when he looked down at his cock, he saw little blood, and his jaw clenched, feeling some sort of remorse.

“You’re doing good, You’re so good to me.” He whispers before resuming his thrusts. He’d dwell at the sound of your pleasured moans and his hand would find its way down your clit, fingers playing with the nub until your body was shaking violently underneath him.

“You gonna cum? Cum for me, baby... You’re good. You’re safe...” He grunts at how your walls are tightening around him. You whimper before curling against his body, unknowingly pulling his body closer to yours. 

He shivers before cumming as well, his seeds filling your hole, making you drip with his cum. He places a loving kiss on your forehead before pulling out.

The mixture of blood and his cum makes him get a cloth before gently cleaning you up, being extra careful when he wiped at your core.

He cleans himself up before lying back beside you. He presses a kiss on the side of your head, your nose, and then your lips.

“I’ll take care of you. You don’t have to worry about anything anymore...” He places a hand on your stomach before smiling and pulling the covers over the both of you.

You’re in safe hands.

---

a/n: see i dont think i should write for these guys (from movies i haven’t watched/too lazy to watch) because im probs messing up a lot skskks anyway hope y’all think this one is alright! also im a sucker for innocent reader jcnavn

taglist

General: @readermia @unlikelygalaxygiver @xoxabs88xox @anncutamarica @chaoticfiretaconerd @i-love-superhero @caffiend-queen @coconutqueen21 @jtargaryen18 @jennmurawski13 @mushyjellybeans @ninjabucky @evnscvll @buckstaybucky @donutloverxo @rebloggingeverything @adriannajackson @la-cey @awaywithtime @gotnofucks @empath-bunny @belovedcherry @white-wolf1940 @the-soulofdevil @mianorth @littlegasps

Anything Chris: @patzammit @princess-evans-addict @shadowcatsworld @notyourtypicalrose @onetwo3000 @bluemusickid @heyiamthatbitch @inlovewiththefictionalcharacters @slytherinandoutasgard

Chris and seb: @harrysthiccthighss

[transmascfrankiero]

all of mcr’s songs ranked out of ten based on whether or not you can strip to them:

romance: could work if you were going for a Super Melancholy smiths-esque vibe but overall too slow and pretty. 1/10

honey: headbanger soundtrack to showcase your revenge body to ur ex. bonus points for underlying ‘gonna murder shitty boyfriend’ context thanks to audition-inspired video. but slightly too angry to be seductive. 5/10

vampires: too goth, too many feelings. reminds me of pot dreads frank. would not work. 0/10

drowning lessons: this song is cursed and cannot be listened to in public unfortunately 0/10

sorrows: if u were going to do a strip routine while beating the shit out of someone for trying to stealing ur tip money this would be a gr8 choice 6/10

halos: it’s about blowing your own head off and taking too many pills to cope w/ wanting to die all the time. 0/10

turnstiles: please do not!!! strip!!! to a song!!! about 9/11!!!! what is wrong w/ you!!! -100000000/10

monroeville: if u were doing a private lil strip dance for your george a. romero-obsessed s.o. where u both cry over the idea of having to kill the other person b/c they turned into a zombie then sure??? but other than that no. .5/10

best day ever: ehhhhhh. too fast. kinda weird to get sexy to unless u have a hospital kink. 0/10

cubicles: wow the thought of doing a strip routine to a song about pining for ur coworker who doesn’t know u exist is too sad to even joke about -20/10

demolition lovers: it’s a long song but it’s got cool tempo changes for variety and if u got the stamina then go for it. 4/10

helena: so, like, i get it. it’s a bop. u could dance to this beat for sure. the costumes and color scheme from the video make for gr8 stage pictures and the dancing corpse lady is v pretty. i could understand why if u were doing an emo strip routine u would want to use helena. but please for the love of all that is holy do NOT strip to a song gerard way wrote about his dead grandmother okay i am BEGGING you -∞/10

give ‘em hell kid: FUCK YEAH YOU LOOK PRETTY WALKIN DOWN THE STREET IN THE BEST DAMN DRESS U OWN. 10/10

to the end: this would be a hilarious choice for a bachelor party ngl 7/10 for that alone

prison: absolutely you could strip to this song but u gotta COMMIT okay u gotta light something on fire onstage and challenge gender norms while screaming your head off 8/10 but only if ur not a coward

i’m not okay: it’s a bop, but can u strip to it? no. 0/10

ghost of you: mikey way did not die on a beach in fake normandy for u to strip to ghost of you. seek help -5/10

jetset life: dude this song like. actually works??? for a strip routine??? so long as you don’t actually listen to the words, from a musical perspective, u could totally strip to this 10/10

interlude: what kinda weird catholic shame kink do u need to have to strip to this song. also it’s too short and too pretty. -5/10 (unless ur into catholic shame idk)

venom: this would require such a high energy routine but if u can make being sweaty work then this is a gr8 choice 7/10

hang ‘em high: this is a BATSHIT INSANE choice for a strip routine but if u want to do it then PLEASE do. i like ur style. 8/10

deathwish: u can strip to this only if u introduce ur routine by dedicating it to everyone who ever said eyeliner on dudes was gay. 5/10

cemetery drive: i think not. 0/10

never told you: if u are a highly theatrical highly murderous stripper then yes definitely 7/10

desert song: this song is Way Too Beautiful to strip to sorry you can’t have it -300/10

the end.: the only sexy thing about this song is how good gerard’s voice sounds so no. 0/10

dead!: this is a bold fucking choice but u have to play your cards just right. high risk high reward but SO much to potentially get wrong 6/10

how i disappear: u could. but why. 2/10

sharpest lives: holy SHIT yes ABSOLUTELY u should strip to sharpest lives. the drama. the beat. the spy rock guitar that frank accidentally nailed. this is one of THE choicest options from their catalog. why aren’t u stripping to this right now 50000000/10

wttbp: cute idea but don’t actually 0/10

i don’t love you: again, a bold fucking choice. u could strip to this in an edgy, meta sort of way but it’s missing the trashy factor so it’d have to be part performance art and part strip routine. if ur into that then totally 5/10

house of wolves: i mean i would pay money to see someone strip to this song so 7/10

cancer: LMAO YIKES -2000000/10

mama: this would be GLORIOUS if u fully embraced the sheer insanity and went Bonkers in Fuckin Zonkers burlesque-show-in-hell w/ it. 100/10 but u gotta pound the floor wailing at some point

sleep: i’m conflicted on this one like on the one hand it’s a good tempo for stripping but on the other hand it’s a song about being cruel to ur loved ones in order to force distance between u and them b/c you’re terrified of them getting hurt and it being all your fault. so maybe don’t strip to this one actually 0/10

teenagers: a bop w/ a great beat and fun costume ideas from the video but two major drawbacks being 1. ur getting naked to a song about teenagers which is uhhhh sort of Inappropriate and 2. it’s kind of also about school shooters which is also Inappropriate to get naked to. 0/10

disenchanted: why would u want this. you sad fuck. idek what to say except if you want to strip to this song i’m crying on your behalf -100000000/10

famous last words: don’t????? don’t. Do Not. stop that. -12/10

blood: this is HILARIOUS omg please strip to blood 10/10

kill all your friends: sure?? no objections but it’s an odd choice. this goes for the demo too. 2/10

heaven help us: if u want to strip to this then you definitely just read unholyverse for the first time and while u are valid, Don’t 0/10

my way home is through you: not an especially sexy song but it’s fun!! you do you 3/10

astro zombies (cover): uhhhhhh it’s a no from me dawg. i’d be thinking about danzig, like, the whole time. 0/10

desolation row: sure but u gotta be willing to get punched in the face by the riot squad for maximum effect 4/10

common people (cover): just b/c gerard would strip to britpop doesn’t mean u can. 0/10

emily: NO!!!! -50000/10

party at the end of the world: nah. 0/10

not that kind of girl: literally please consider the subject matter of this song and rethink ur life choices. -10/10

all the angels: it’s a cool song but don’t strip to it that’s weird -2/10

jack the ripper: you and the person who wants to strip to astro zombies can go sit in the suicidegirls corner together how about that. 0/10

na na na: a banger!! strip away my friend 9/10

bulletproof heart: a good song but not a strip song 1/10

sing: sorry this song is [REDACTED] it gets no score

planetary (go!): you could try to strip to this but it’s such a classic four-on-the-floor that i think you’d end up just regular dancing to it and forget to be sexy so 4/10

the only hope for me is you: are you doing a strip tease for michael bay. stop. put ur shirt back on shia lebeouf 0/10

party poison: like this is a hilarious option and i support you but realistically it’s pretty fast for a strip song 3/10

save yourself, i’ll hold them back: this is a safe option. Too Safe. almost soulless. a person who’d strip to this would avoid eye contact the entire time and never smile and later when you went out for a smoke break you’d overhear them on the phone with their ex arguing over child support payments. 4/10

s/c/a/r/e/c/r/o/w: the more i think about it the more fun the idea of stripping to this becomes so i say go for it 6/10

summertime: i’m Certain that gerard would prefer if you didn’t -5/10

destroya: is this objectively the best mcr song to strip to? Absolutely. it’s got everything you could possibly want right down to built-in moans and fever dream drums. but the only person in the universe who Can Must and Should strip to this song is gerard. sorry them’s the breaks. ∞/10 but only if you’re gerard way

kids from yesterday: don’t. 0/10

vampire money: 100% yes you should strip to this. bonus points for stealth twilight references 1000000/10

we don’t need another song about california: do i like this song? yes. is it sexy? no. 0/10

black dragon fighting society: i can’t understand what the FUCK gerard is saying in this song AT ALL so i can’t recommend that u strip to it b/c i have no fucking idea what it’s ABOUT 0/10

f.t.w.w.w.: i mean. this song is about eating pussy. and robots that are built specifically to fuck. so yes you can strip to this but you gotta dress up like a pornbot 100/10

mastas of ravencroft: again i cannot understand most of the fucking words and the ones i do understand are something something RICKETY BONES RICKETY HANDS so like. probably not the one 0/10

boy division: i could go either way on this one like it’s really fast but it’s also about cocaine so??? 3/10

tomorrow’s money: while this song slaps overall violent nihilism does not a strip song make 1/10

ambulance: no. 0/10

gun.: antiwar messages are sexy but not the right kind for stripping 1/10

the world is ugly: PLEASE no. 0/10

the light behind your eyes: oh my god this is so DEPRESSING why would you want to strip to this who hurt you -2000000/10

kiss the ring: yes yes yes it’s got built-in audience participation conceit factor if u let ur audience kiss ur ring, totally works 10/10

make room!!!: again, slaps, but not a strip song 1/10

surrender the night: dude we talked about this!!! dying violently w/ ur loved ones is Not Sexy!!! 0/10

burn bright: i guess you could strip to this but again it’s Too Safe tread carefully 3/10

fake your death: i want frank iero to strip to this song so i can throw tomatoes at him for being a LYING SACK OF SHIT FOR TWO YEARS i’m not gonna rate this one but frank if ur out there i have a basket of slightly squishy heirloom tomatoes and i am COMING FOR YOU

[kvngjoong]

felix + nsfw a-z

im sorry about this??? Idk when i started writing this but it took a weird turn. @ felix, if you do watch fortnite porn, no one here is going to judge you sweetie.

A: Aftercare

he’s a softie, and he needs taking care of. though he may present himself as tough, and he’s always one to fight your battles for you, when it comes to aftercare with felix he wants to get a little bit of tlc and needs you to be the one who’s doting over him. he wants you to calling good boy and stroke his hair, he wants you to hold him close to you and remind him how much you love him. take good care of him, please

B: Body part

he either lips your waist or your hips, he’s not quite sure yet, he likes the way you move your hips and have him hooked so easily, he also likes when you put his hands on your waist when you ride him and he accidentally leaves tiny bruise marks in you. as for him, he surprisingly likes the way he’s so small and you can treat him like a true baby boy. he doesn’t really have a favourite for himself but it’s definitely got something to do with the contrast between how he seems and how he actually is

C: Cum

he cums a surprising amount, like an unexpected amount, and he somehow gets it everywhere unless it’s in you. saying that, you’ll still get it in your hair if you’re sucking him off, and it will still be on he bed and your hands and… it just gets messy. is this a sub thing? it’s definitely a felix thing

D: Dirty Secret

felix tried to keep this a secret for so long, he really did. you’d put his lack of a defence when others (especially jisung and hyunjin) would subtly flirt with you and you’d flirt back to see his reaction, down to the fact he was pretty laid back and didn’t care too much for the possibility of you cheating on him (cause he knows you wouldn’t, duh). as it turns out, felix enjoys watching you flirt with others and would probably enjoy watching another guy fuck you. he feels bad admitting to it, probably because he’s worried he’ll be judged, but damn if jisung wants to see how good you are with your mouth he just had to ask and felix would arrange it...

E: Experience

they feed the australian boys a whole other kinda thing, so none, but damn would you think so. watches fortnite porn. probably doesn’t know where to find ur clit. but you can teach him. you will show him everything he needs to know and he will listen obediently, cause he’s a good student and wants to please you

F: Favourite Position

literally anything. he doesn’t care. as long as you’re there and the end result is you cumming, him cumming, it’s all good. he knows some positions are better for different things, like when you’re tryna be intimate he’ll prefer missionary, but in general they’re all pretty good. you know what you’re doing and each one pleases him, so why judge?

G: Goofy

a little. he doesn’t really have a ‘sub space’ but he’s just naturally on the submissive side, so his humour and personality doesn’t really change too much when you guys are doing nsfw things. he may be quick to make a joke at a given opportunity, but he won’t be trying to change the mood completely - that would be a bit weird

H: Hair

yeah a little. not very much. he seems a bit on the smooth side but what of it he has, he does groom and keep in check. unlike his cum, it’s not messy

I: Intimacy

like he’s not 100% goofy, he’s not 100% intimate. if it’s there and the time is right for you to be intimate then he’s all down for it, but if it’s not intimate and you’re literally just doing it cause he got a boner and you’re tryna help out, he’s not gonna be ott on the intimacy. he keeps it real

J: Jack Off

not that much, he saves it for you. he’s frequent to the trope of ‘i’m horny but they’re gonna be home soon, whatever should i do’ and will time it perfectly for you to walk in on him when he’s about to cum, just so you can help him! what a clever boy. he’s a power bottom that doesn’t really have much power apart from in his brain (he’s an intellectual, unlike the rest of us)

K: Kink

so the cuckold stuff was hinted at already, and so was the sub stuff. he’s a bit of a typical sub blond, you know, the whole ‘i wanna please you so badly please let me touch you so i can get you off’ kind thing, he’s literally desperate to please you. he would probably like threesomes/moresomes, but mostly threesomes. he’s not really that kinky tbh. he likes roleplay a bit too much, but that’s how things get a bit kinkier. his fave is when he gets a full manual exam from you, the overly enthusiastic medical examiner

L: Location

anywhere tbh. if you’re there, and he’s there, there’s no problem. shower, kitchen, bedroom. they’re all rooms, you know. so it doesn’t bother him. he’s not too worried about getting caught so there’s not much stopping him, unless you are

M: Motivation

he likes it when you look a little darker than him. not full goth or anything, but he loves dark colours/black on you - anything dark. that’s not just underwear, though. literally black jeans and a black leather jacket could have him breathing a little heavier than usual and him getting touchier than he usually is. oh, there's the flirting with other guys, not that you know that much about it

N: NO

he doesn’t like being teased really. it’s not the best thing for him, and in return he won’t tease you either. so it’s a win win, really. the only person missing out is you when you wanna take things slow but felix just wants to cum. other than that, there’s not much! he’ll explore his hard limits with you

O: Oral

he prefers receiving for one reason: he’s got a bit of an insecurity about giving oral. he is still a shy baby boy who is always worried he’s not enough for you. he really thinks that he doesn’t do well enough so shies away from it. at first you think he’s making it up but after a few conversations it’s obvious that his fear is real and you decide to give him a masterclass in giving, specifically tailored to you

P: Pace

felix is on the slower side, but gets quicker with time. he starts slowly, savouring the moment as he can, but that’s soon forgotten and the one thing he wants to do is cum, same with you. it’s a bit of a mess, but it’s worth it. but technically you tip, so you can decide what the pace is, really

Q: Quickie

not really. felix will have a few quickies in his time but they’re not really worth it. not unless you’re wearing like… a black silk dress and military boots and your make up is really dark and he really can’t keep his hands off you. but even then he’d just leave early. so he avoids them unless they’re necessary, or you’re asking for them

R: Risk

he doesn’t really see much of a risk in anything. he’s a bit carefree and the whole prospect of getting caught so just rolls with it. so to him risk play doesn’t really exist

S: Stamina

since there’s not much teasing, felix can go on for ages. doesn’t mean he will, not unless you wanna, but he can keep going until you really, really can’t keep up with him

T: Toy

you can pick, he’s down either way. maybe shake it up, sometimes use toys and sometimes don’t. have him wondering each time. but don’t tease him, use it to make things more intense

U: Unfair

like before, he doesn’t really like teasing at all so he’s not gonna enjoy this element of things. you can try it but he’ll not be into it. not unless it’s part of whatever role play you’re doing. he just doesn’t seem like a guy who wants to be teased or likes to tease

V: Volume

he… he is loud. but just imagine his really deep voice as he gets closer and closer to cumming and he gets louder but somehow he gets deeper and he has his hands in your hair as you deepthroat him and… i gotta step there. he’s loud, he moans and he groans, and it’s always husky and enough to make you stop and stare for a few seconds to remember what you were doing

W: Wild Card

there was one time when you guys were a bit drunk after a birthday or something and felix practically begged you for sex. it was great sex, no lie, but it wasn’t until the next morning when you woke up in an unfamiliar room, an even more unfamiliar bed, that you realised what you had done. luckily it wasn’t jisung’s bed or the kid would have found so much pleasure in mocking you both for that. not that minho was best pleased

X: X-Ray

yeah, he’s on the smaller side. mostly because he’s tiny in general, but it’s nothing to be disappointed with

Y: Yearning

nah, not too much. felix isn’t that needy unless he’s already in the act and he’s desperate to please you. after he’s been away from you for a while though, he will start to miss you quite a bit. he’ll be the one who lusts after you each day until you see him again, and when he finally does see you he is ready to give you absolutely everything

Z: ZZZ

he sleeps after, usually be accident. he likes cuddling afterwards and tries to act like he’s paying attention to what you’re saying but a few minutes of you talking and he’s out like a light. take it as a complement, he really likes your voice and it soothes him

[emiadegorbon]

Hobbit: Battle of the Five Armies {This is the story of how I died-and used a lot of cuss words because I am over-excited} [SPOILERS]

I just watched BotFA for the first time and I swear every time Tauriel came on screen I wanted to shout,

“WHO THE FUCK IS THIS BITCH?”

And I was really pissed that Kili died for her and not defending his uncle Thorin (as well as Fili, fuck Azog) like the honorable cinnroll he is.

I WAS REALLY SAD THE BIRDS WEREN’T IN THERE THE BIRD THAT CAME AND TALKED ANDTOLD BARD WHERE TO AIM THE BLACK ARROW LIKE THAT PART WAS REALLY COOL.

I was also sad that Bilbo didn’t spot the eagles first, but that’s nitpicky of me. Just because I drew (no, literally I did a 12x10 pencil sketch) that moment doesn’t mean it had to be in the movie. [recap: JUSTINCASEYOUDIDN’TFUCKINGBELIEVE]

That twerp whose name I can’t remember who was this cowardly piece of shit did nothing in the whole movie but make us fucking hate him. Every scene it was blatant discount Wormtongue. But we saw Wormtongue murder Saruman. This assbag did jack-shit. [recap: his name is Alfrid that motherfucker]

WTHA FUCK WERE THOSE BIG ASS BATS?????

How come Dain was completely computer created? Did Connolly just not want to be there? If you put him in a beard, HE WOULD LOOK LIKE A GREAT DWARF. Oh. Oh wait. Was Dain at the Council of Elrond? THIS EXPLAINS IT.

DWARF MOUNTAIN GOATS EX MACHINA.

Why TF did Thorin stand there while Azog floated under him? Like that son of a bitch couldn’t break through that ice? BITCH U HAD IT COMIN.

So I think I remember from DoS that Legolas has a crush on Tauriel but it’s a fuck idea because she ain’t in LotR and I think she would be if this happened.

NOW FOR THE THINGS I’M NOT BITCHING ABOUT:

Some may think that Legolas wasn’t in the book but gUYS I THINK IT WAS GREAT WE SAW MORE BADASS MOVES AND WE SAW THRANDUIL WITH HIM AND THEY MENTIONED HIS MOTHER

WHICH, BY THE WAY, ADDED MORE TENSION FOR THRANDUIL WHICH WAS BRILLIANT

AND THE FACT THORIN KICKED AZOG’S WHITE ASS WITH LEGOLAS’S ELVEN BLADE WAS THE BEST FUCKING THING EVER I DON’T EVEN HAVE WORDS TO DESCRIBE THE MINDBLOW.

When Thorin tossed the boulder into Azog’s hands and stepped off the ice tip I LAUGHED SO FUCKING HARD, THORIN LOOKS SO SMUG.

Thorin watching Fili die killed me. hE WHISPERS HIS NAME BEFORE RUNNING OFF, I AM DEAD

CAN WE TAKE A FUCKING MOMENT TO JUST APPRECIATE THE BREATHTAKING JOB MARTIN FREEMAN DID. EVERYTHING. ESPECIALLY THORIN’S DEATH WAS EXCELLENTLY EXECUTED HE KILLS ME

I was really happy Bilbo sobbed because it was at that point in the book I had to stop and whimper it was just really important to me okay and I am grateful from the deepest recesses of my soul.

“Nothing gets past me.” “Except a big ass elf army, iT APPEARS,” said Bard as he stared at a host of armored elves two inches from his face.

Thranduil is cold af but AT THE END WHEN HE TELLS LEGOLAS TO NOT ONLY SEEK OUT ARAGORN (I FANGIRLED SO HARD, IT MAY NOT BE IN THE BOOK BUT IT WAS FUCKING AWESOME) BUT HE SAID HIS MOTHER LOVED HIM MORE THAN ANYTHING AND I THINK I STOPPED BREATHING. ALSO THEIR FAREWELL WAS MORE TOUCHING THAN TAURIEL KISSING CORPSE GERMS AND ALL THEY DID WAS MOTION WITH THEIR HANDS - STEP UP YOUR GAME, BITCHSTRESS [recap: I am not name-calling Kili]

BEORN JUMPED OFF AN EAGLE AND TURNED MID-AIR AND LANDED ON THE BATTLE FIELD AS A BEAR LIKE A FUCKING BADASS [recap: BEARDASS]

I was laughing so hard when the Orcs came out and everyone was standing in shock, Dain was like “FUCK YEAH I CAME HERE FOR A PARTY AND LOOKED WHO SHOWED UP - YOU WANNA TANGO MOTHAHFUCKAHS?”

AND THEN THE DWARVES RAN RIGHT UP THERE AND CREATED THIS DWARF SHIELD WALL IT WAS SO FUCKING COOL AND THEN THE ELVES JUMPED OVER THEM AND IT GOT COOLER I SWEAR MY ARMS WERE THE SOUL OF A GIANT SQUID.

I got way more excited about Billy Connolly being Dain than I care to admit - I am not kidding my parents looked at me as if I was have a seizure.

ELF ARMY IS THE FUCKING COOLEST, THEY PART AND FALL BACK PERFECTLY AND I THINK IS HAD A TINY FANGIRL HEART ATTACK WHEN THEY TOOK OUT THEIR BOWS AND AIMED AT THORIN AND THEN THRANDUIL MOTIONED THEM TO PUT THEM AWAY IT WAS SO COOL.

“THROW HIM OFF THE RAMPARTS,” [Me; in narrator voice] and he just about did.

Thorin’s Dragon Sickness was mindblowing. I hated Thorin and pitied him and had hope in him all at the same time and it was PERFECT. HIS DRAGONS ICKNESS VOICE THO. THE SPECIAL EFFECTS. DAYUM, PETER YOU KNOW UR SHIT.

AND THORIN’S WALK OVER THE GOLD WHILE THE VOICES RING IN HIS HEAD AND THE DRAGON SLITHERS UNDER HIM AND THE GOLD SWALLOWS HIM UP -and then it shows him far off just FLIP OFF HIS CROWN IFUCKINGDIED. [recap: know ur symbolism, bitches, it breaks hearts]

NDTHEEENNNNN THORIN KISSES HEAD-BUTS KILI AND I WAS HYPERVENTILATING BECAUSE OF THE CUTE. THE ACTING. I CAN’T.

Oh and Dain just CASUALLY headbutts orcs WITHOUT a helmet my mom and I giggled forever.

When Gandalf arrived at the crime scene, my mom leaned over to look at me and she goes, “I WAS GONE FOR TWO SECONDS.’”

GALADRIEL IS THE BEST BAMF AND FOREVER WILL BE MY FAVORITE BAMF SHE FUCKING BANISHED SAURON AND ALL HIS MIGHTY PRICK-NESS (granted she used the vial buT FUCKING STILL) I WAS SO PUMPED.

The spirit wraiths fighting Elrond and Saruman rival cool-levels with Thranduil on an Elk. [recap: RIP Elk. I was actually kind of maybe really upset don’t ask me why I don’t know it was a fucking elk]

I usually don’t talk during movies unless my parents ask a question, but when it showed Sauron and the nine wraiths forming his eye, I shouted, “THAT IS SO COOL.” Also, seizure warnings, everyone, Sauron is a dick with his strobe eyes. LIKE. DUDE. TONE DOWN THE PARTY IT’S TOO EARLY FOR THIS SHIT.

Saruman foreshadowing was satisfying af.

Elrond’s concern for Galadriel in that scene is much funnier and cuter once you realize she’s his mother-in-law. “MOM PLEASE, YOU’RE WEAK. YES MOM, I KNOW. (Saruman, would you get with it.) YES MOM, I KNOW, I KNOW WE SHOULD HAVE FIRED HIM MONTHS AGO, BUT YOU SEE, WE CAN’T. MOM. MOM. HE’S A WIZARD. YES MOM I KNOW WHO YOU ARE, I’M SURE YOU COULD. YES MOM. MOM PLEASE CALM DOWN.”

Bard who didn’t sign up for any of this shit and ends up as advocate to talk through the Dwarf window like, “Thorin, I swear by your gold-crusted beard, help me out, OR SO HELP ME.”

Bilbo walking up to his own home for auction glowering at the UNCULTURED SWINE. ALSO KNOWN AS SACKVILLE BAGGINS IF I MAY.

“Can you prove it?” *Martin Freeman-ly points at himself like a Martin Freeman on Bilbo steroids.*

IAN HOLM ASDLUFHGARDFJLAS IT’S THE BEGINNING OF ASLIAHSDG THE FELLOWSHIP ALDSAIFHGGDFJHK

And finally: I was so emotionally attacked by Billy Boyd singing his Final Farewell I almost cried. I WAS PROUD OF MY BOI BOYD WHEN DAD COMMENTED HOW GOOD HIS VOICE WAS I WAS THINKING, ‘FUCK YEAH, MY HOBBIT ROCKSTAR’

____________

@i-writethewebsites @dragonsamazing @figurinoutlife4 @walk-in-library Thought I would tag my mutus for my Middle-Earth melt-down.

[dinkydruid]

I fucking love u take care of ur body!

Hi I love you please get your flu shot! I want you to stay safe and healthy and not be miserable! I want you to feel good and successful, and I know getting sick can throw everything all into chaos, at the very least. Influenza can also be very dangerous and even kill you, or someone you love who is immunocompromised. (That means their immune system can't fight as hard as it should, if you weren't quite sure!

Now I'm gonna tell you a little bit about the flu shot in a grossly oversimplified way! If you're super interested in this, or super knowledgeable and better at explaining things than I am, and/or you want to fact check me, please feel free! I'm just trying to break this down in the metaphors and explanations I personally resonate with, in the methods I learned in college to best understand this without being too science-y and convoluted.

The flu shot won't give you 'the mini-flu' because that's not how it makes you safe! It's not quite the same as, say, getting the chicken pox on purpose as a kid, as all of the gen-x-ers, almost all of the millennials, and even some of the zoomers did, so you don't get it as an adult; that's contracting a live, fully functional virus when it was considered safer to do so (don't do this anymore! There is a chicken pox vaccine! Kids have died too, chicken pox is never completely safe!!!) because the ramifications, while severe and unpleasant, were much safer! It was not the best alternative, but it helped us not die at the time. The flu shot is NOT like that, when you dig any deeper into immunization. Immunization and tolerance, while very similar to us science laymen, are definitely not the same thing.

The flu shot (the most common way to get this vaccine, though there are other methods) has two compositions. The most common version is made up of a strain of the flu that we call 'inactivated' which is a polite way to say very, very dead. You're just showing your immune system the pattern(/corpse, as I like to think about it), and it's knitting (or performing construction on, building, creating a spell for, whatever you prefer!) a special flu-shaped net. It's just preparation, you're not making your body tolerate the flu. It's not iocane powder ;3 you don't have to build up an immunity; in fact, this is basically a shortcut to reasonable immunity without all the damage to your body that building up a tolerance can cause. Building a tolerance to a toxic substance or virus will... Probably just make you dead. 0/10 do not recommend.

The second, and SLIGHTLY less common but still completely safe and great, form of flu shot is just one single tiny gene from the influenza virus. There are eight genes total in Influenza A and B, which are the two most common flu viruses that affect humans. They all have an effect on making you sick and work as a team, but the gene they take from the virus is, to oversimplify, a blueprint. It does not, and cannot, infect you with the flu (as long as your immune system can handle vaccines, and if you know you have a condition that doesn't allow you to get vaccines, you already know all of this!) One single gene from a pumpkin does not a jack-o'-lantern canvas make. One single gene from your best friend is not the same thing as your best friend. It's just a little part of what they're made out of! You'd much prefer to chat with the whole person, I promise. Genes are terrible conversationalists. In the same way, you don't need to be afraid of one single gene from the flu virus, because it's just a building block! Singular genes are just as terrible at being viruses as they are at comforting you when you're down.

Some people report some mild side effects; soreness around the area of the shot, bit of a headache, very low-grade fever (technically within the flux of human temperature as it were!) and/or achy body. There are two very good pieces of information regarding this:

These side effects are not known to last more than two days, and in many people go away in the exact same day, and

In several blind studies where half of the sample population received the inactivated flu vaccine and half received a salt-water placebo, the ONLY symptom reported differently between the test groups was the localized reaction, a.k.a the swelling, redness and soreness of the injection site, which part of the body the person had the shot injected into.

This tells us that there is a good chance that, when you feel icky after you get your flu shot, it's just a placebo effect, or to grossly oversimplify again, its your subconscious telling you, "you know that was a shot. you know it had a 'disease' in it. you know diseases make you feel icky. feel icky right now you bastard I demand it and I will NOT stop until you acquiesce."

LASTLY, like I mentioned, some people can't get the flu shot! You might get the flu and get so lucky that you are okay, you recover and go back to your life. But maybe, before you started feeling sick but after the flu started living in your body, you picked up an item at the grocery store, realized you didn't really need it, and put it back. Then, the caretaker for a person with cancer (or literally any other medical condition that affects your immune system, including being on prescription immunosuppressants) went shopping for them and picked up that same item. they brought it home, along with the flu virus that was on your hands from blowing your nose or coughing or just scratching your face. You'll never know it, but that person with cancer just might die of the flu. They were so busy trying to beat that cancer that their immune system just couldn't handle fighting off the flu as well. I'm not saying this to make anyone feel guilty. As sad as it is, and as incredibly specific as that example is (because it happened to someone I was close to), it happens, and other situations where germs were spread accidentally, more often than you think. if we don't educate people of the sad possibilities, those sad possibilities will become sad realities, more often than not. Now that you know this, you can do something about it! You can protect yourself, your loved ones and strangers.

And if you're thinking to yourself, "that person knew they had a compromised immune system! Why weren't they more careful?!" Then I have some news for you.

That is a VERY selfish and not nice thought, and I know you have more compassion than that! This world doesn't exist for abled people with zero health concerns only. It isn't fair AT ALL to expect someone to never interact with anything or anyone that hasn't been sanitized and health tested. Isolation leads to depression, hallucinations and suicide. Disabled people don't deserve to die because they are disabled. People with terminal diseases deserve to make the absolute best of their time here. They deserve it so fucking much, to live just as fulfilling a life as everyone else. They deserve your respect, NOT your pity. They aren't mistakes, and they aren't a 'situation' for you to shove into a corner and throw a tarp over so you don't have to think about things that inconvenience you. What I'm saying is, your choosing convenience, in combination with exhibiting a lack of consideration for others, can kill.

It is literally impossible to do the aforementioned living like bubble boy where nothing and no one can ever come in contact with you unless they are 100% positively without a doubt in no uncertain terms truly honestly unquestionably free of every contaminant that could harm the immunocompromised individual. Like, if you don't believe me, try it. You can't do it. Even if your life depended on it. The world is full of random variables and sudden surprises, and humans can make mistakes in the most dire of situations. Master swordsmiths have cut off their fingers. construction workers that have been working construction for 45 years have slipped off of scaffolding and fallen to their deaths. Doctors have accidentally nicked arteries and killed their patients on the table, despite having the steadiest hands in all the land, the most compassion and understanding for their patients and the most dedication to their Oath. Accidents and mistakes happen to everybody. Now imagine if every move you made was a scalpel cut that could nick an artery. That's what it's like living severely and lethally immunocompromised. At least, that's what it was like for me. Every single move you make could be a death sentence. Every new item in your house could contain the one little seed that pushes you over the edge.

SO! Now, if you didn't know before, you know the BASIC science behind the flu shot, why it's totally safe for you and morally necessary if you care about others, and why you should get one! It's good for YOU and YOUR safety because its not a super low probability that you will die (especially if, like me, you are low-income), and it's also about others and their health. It's about everyone. You can get them for as cheap as free from many clinics, or for like $4 at Walgreens, if you're in the States! I haven't got much information for outside the states, so if you live in a country that isn't the US, please help me learn!

I LITERALLY LOVE YOU. PLEASE BE SAFE AND TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF AND HAVE A GOOD WEEK AND TREAT YOURSELF TO SOMETHING NICE, BUY SOMETHING OR TAKE A NICE BATH OR DO A THING YOU LOVE, AND JUST TRY TO REMEMBER THAT I SAID YOURE VERY IMPORTANT AND THE WORLD WOULD LITERALLY SUCK MAJOR BALLS IF YOU WEREN'T IN IT. I would personally be crushed. No joke.

If you read all of this, thank you so much. I know it's long, but it's so important, it's so necessary and it's so easy!