#like just cause u didnt she/her me doesnt mean its any less disrespectful

[plushievash]

its kind of crazy how people will just Not use ur pronouns if u dont pass. idk how many times it has to be said if you know someone goes by a certain set of pronouns exclusively but you still use "they/them" anyways thats still misgendering.

[c0untb00z]

I would just like to clear, I don't hate the BBC Dracula 2020 Show. In fact, I actually like the idea of Dracula being set in modern times like in the show, but I would like it a lot better if it wasn't written like a fucking reader insert fanfiction.

Don't get me wrong, I love me some reader inserts every once in a while but they're meant to be on Wattpad. Sometimes, you can find really fucking good fanfictions that could genuinly be movies, but this really just feels like someone wrote an erotic fanfiction for Dracula. It almost reminds me of a worse version of 50 Shades of Grey with less kinky sex.

First and foremost Agatha Van Hesling. I actually kinda liked her personality, how driven she was and determined to never give up, but she was literally created for a love interest. In Dracula by Bram Stocker, Sister Agatha is a nun that nurses Jonathan back to health, claiming he was 'sick in the head' as he ranted of what he had seen and warning others of Dracula. She doesn't even have a last name.

However there is a Dr. Van Hesling in the book, hes dutch(???) Professor that mentors and taught(????) Jack Seward who was in love with Lucy, who was fed off of and eventually killed and eventually undead by the means of the one and only Dracula. Dr Van Hesling plays a large role in the plot of the book. He has an open mind and was able to draw connections between things that some others couldn't, as he had access to more sources and could speak to most off the charecters involved. He's the first person to present the idea of a vampire, and Lucy turning into one. Thanks to Jonathan he was able to identify the vampire feeding on Lucy as Dracula and finds out how to kill the vampires.

So basically Agatha was literally fabricataed for the sole perpose of being there, to fall in love with Dracula or something.

I know we all are horny for Dracula. I'm horny for Dracula. Vampires are fucking hot but the sexiest part of vampires is that they ya know. Kill you and are mercily and heartless. The show does show that in a lot of parts and even decapiates a nun and yeets it into a gaggle of nuns which i fucking died at. But it also, humanizes him way to much, hes literally a monster. The scene in the boat with lord whats his name really portrayed that. It was really,,,, weird cause me being a kinky fucker I don't find the particular phrases of "you're going to need to be quiet now," and " youre doing so well" that creepy and if anything a little hot but looking at the circumstance and the look on that kids face, it was like r e a l y fucked up. Which is why i liked that scene. It showed just how fucked up Dracula is.

To be fair i did like Cleas Bangs acting and casting as Dracula. He had a certain charm that was ever so s l i g h t l y off. I heard people say he just 'made up an accent' but fuck you guys its a fucking danish accent you incolent twats anyways. He could be really funny at times and i actually apprecited it.

However the casting AND acting of the modern parts is absolute shit. Ep.3 is where i kinda gave up on the show and finsihed it for the sake of torturing myself. FIRST OF FUCKING ALL LUCY i cannot fathom how P I S S E D i am about Lucy. Why did they have to make her a phone obsessed basic asshole with no regards to anyones emotions besides her own and the extent of her personality is 'getting likes on socail media is all i care about because it makes me feel validated so im gonna wallo in self pity because i was obiously written by white man in his 50s that would have made me white if he wasnt forved to throw in diversity points" like shut the fuck up steven king.

Also lucy and mina never meet??? Theyre in different fucking time lines??? Theyre friendship and love for eachother was fucking golden how dare you rob that form me and give me a garbage bag full of shit with a shiny little bow on top in its place jesus f u ck.

The cemetary scene was o k ay i gues?? I liked the little nod to the book with the bloofer lady and the concept of random sprits being undead because of unfinished buisness. But this really just felt like it was slapped in the show for the sake of going on a date with Dracula in cemetary. I actually kinda apperacted it but it just felt awkward.

Also who the f u ck is Lucy's friend? The gay one??? Like,,,, is that supposed to Arthur???? His chatecter was so fu king weird and offset he just didnt feel like he should be in there. Hes literally just there for a-50-year-old-man's-interpretation-of-young-women-now-a-days verson of Lucy to have a gay best ffriend.

Ok i not even sure if i want to talk about Quincy. It just hurts. It physically hurts me to think about how d i r t y they did my baby. His charecter is the defination of american chivalry, just as great as regular chivarly but with a little extra cowboy vibe. Quincy is jist the biggest,,,, sweet haert,, like he asked lucy to marry him in his cool american cowboy voice cause he knew lucy loved it and it always made her laugh. And even when she turned him down becayse her heart belonged to arthur, he stayed. All he wanted was for lucy to be happy and all he requested was that they stay frirnds. Hes also invovled with taking fkwn dracula although hes not a main charecter percice ly as he doesnt have any entires in the book he still has an amaizing precence and sometimes while reading the book ill be readying one of dr sewards passanges and think "huh i wonder what quncys doin. I hope hes dooin good. Cowboy vibes n stuffs" amd boy dles he do that. Everh dracula film adaptataion robs us. R O B S U S of quincy morris best scene. In the middle of dr van helsing ranting about vampires( thats basically what half of the book is. I could write a 4p minute mono louge of his rambling jesus how does sweard take note of all this) quincy litterally just walks out. And nobodg really pays any notice beside glancing ag his leave and shrugging at one anouther and going back tl listneing tl van helsing explaining his vampire fan theories quincy moris , the quincy morris from texathe untited states of the amerkca the land and the free and also cowboys.stands outside of the bouilding and pints his gun up at. Dracula whos in the shape of a fucking bat eves ddopping outside the window and just fucking,,shoots it. Now he doesnt hit it cause thatt wouldnt be as fun as brutally stabbing the fucker witja wooden stake. But S T I L L. And the fucking bullet hits the window that everybodys in anprobably causes arthur to shit himself the ppoor boy. Can you belive that theh didnt fucking flim thatfor any dracul? Now i i under stands why not put in this adaptation because quincy is only mentionsed like three god damned times. And when theh DK mention him jesusnshit they literally jsut made him some popular jock from amwrica just to conter jacks white twinky ass and then they had him propose to lucy in the middle of a fucking night club and she says yes???? Lile ok jut throw Arthur out a window then cause cause fu c k him i guess. And then after lucy dies he jjsy fucking moves ?? The only thing thta makes this version of qincy quinccy is the fu king name and fact hes from america

Ok now jack fucking seward. He reminds me of when ylu forget you had a pb&j in your back pack so in the bos after school you pull it out cause yoyr hungry and yoyr mom put WAY to much jelly on it so now its like. All obsorbed into the bread and joggy and squished. Just sad and really white. They even had some kid call him whate bread and they werent fucking wrong. His obly personality traits were ' omg i love lucy but shes a hoe ;,,,((' and being connected to Zoe.

Now last and definately least the god forbaden ending. Just thinking about it gives me a fucking head ache. So , jesus, zoe, who is agathas great niece or someshit, a d looks exactly like her (its literally the same fucking actress) is a detective lile scitist reasearching dracula. So dracula is illedatly attracted to her becasue he thinks shes like agathas reincarnation or soenshit. So he tries tk drink her blood at one point and spits it all out and pukes and sjit cause her blood is poisonous bevaise she has fucking c an c e r. So later we find out that draculas weaknesses ( the sun crucifix) arnt actually real hes just afraid of dying so he has like irration fears or some shit so for some fucking reason. They deside. Its a good iea to end the show with this:

Dracula fucking drinks all of zoes blood killing her and himself because her blood poisonus. And ghe fucking emd scene is them like,,, in the sun???? Or soemt hi ng??? And theyre naked and like presumably fucked and dracula says some shit like " its doesnt have to hurt" and i almost tore my wrist open wiith my teeth because of how shitty this ending is.

Not lnly is it disrespectful to zoe but agatha, agathas whole thing was K I L I N G. dracula she wanted him fucking D E A D she woULDNT FUCK HKM

And like just after finding out that he can be in the sunlight with out fucking dying and that crosses just make him umcomfortable or some shit he just desides to kill himself??? DUDE YOU JUST FOUND OUT YOURE PROACTICALLY MORE INVINCABLE THAN YOU WERE BEFORE AND YOU JSUT FUCKING OFF YOUR SELF ??? HE COULD HAVE FUCKING RULED ENGLAD AND SPEAD VAMPIRISM OLL LVER THE FUCKING COUNTFY AND WORLD KF HE TRIED HARD ENOUGH AND HE KILLS HIMSELF BECAUSE THEY WANTED A STUPID SAPPY ENDING

anyway if anyone actually goes through the effort of reafing my god damn eS S A Y about Dracula that i finkshed typing (im not gonna bother editing tbh) at 4 fucking am. Then thank you and please get a life

[survivorfillory]

Lily’s Jury Question

Congrats to you both, but I’m not here for pleasantries. I’m here to get down to it. I’m currently undecided in my vote. I will take how you answer my questions very seriously.

Maynor- 1.  “I had overall good standing that i was given the CODE 4-0-6 for that advantage”

So you mean Colin and myself put in the work for you to get handed an idol, just so you could play that idol on dean and ensure Colin went home? You didn’t get an idol because of your “good standing”. You got an idol because myself and Colin trusted you. More of a statement but feel free to respond.

2. Just say I didn’t go out when I did and instead Nicole left. How would that have impacted the game? How long would I have lasted with you lying straight to my face?

3. Why did you take Jess to the end over Dani?

4. When you were deciding who would be at F2 with you, did you count how many votes you thought you would get at FTC? Did you expect to get mine with how you played the game?

5. You can respond to this if you choose but be careful. I guess I just thought we had more trust then what I’m realizing. I didn’t know you were essentially in a premade F3. I thought you were the kind of person who wanted to play hard and didn’t just rely on who they already knew. Good job getting control of dean and making it as far as you did. But saying that I was your second closest ally to Dani in my ROP didn’t leave me feeling good and def doesn’t earn my respect or vote.

Jess- 1. What move was most essential in your premerge game? Be specific. 2. What move was most essential in your merge game? Be specific. 3. I was shocked and disappointed that you decided to not participate in one of the final challenges in the game. I have a tough time voting for someone who doesn’t really compete to their best ability. How am I supposed to vote for you when less effort was put forth in challenges?

BONUS QUESTION CAUSE WHY NOT: This season had some of the most dramatic twists yet all the jurors were bored and most anticipated the ending as it occurred. What could you have done differently to make this season more exciting/unpredictable?

Thanks for taking the time to respond to all my questions and I’m interested to see who takes the win. Byeeeeee

Hey Lily! Let’s get down to business!

1. So pre-merge for myself was not a walk in a park at all. The most essential move I made has a couple of layers to it and is technically two essential moves so I hope you don’t mind!

So, in order to explain this move, I have to provide you with a little backstory. Keaton was someone who I mistakenly trusted with a little too much info early on. Because of that, I had to clean up the mess Keaton caused between myself, Nicole, and Dennis. In order to do this, I used the Julia vote to gain back trust or at least to appear less threatening with my “numbers”. Although, Julia was someone who I was working with at the time on BOTH of my tribes, I knew I had to sacrifice her in order to further myself in the game after Hurricane Kwaton struck for both Dennis/Nicole to at least entertain the thought of me not wanting to murder them for a round... I was one of two swing votes that round.

Speaking of Keaton, the second essential move to this all way laying down the ground work to Keaton’s demise. I know I can’t 100% claim this move on my own because I had no vote in the say. HOWEVER, I believe I got the ball rolling and provided the framework on getting out someone who wasn’t good for my game. I did so by using the One World twist to branch out to your tribe. I exposed Keaton’s plan to take out Dean to Dean, (That’s 1 number), I let both Dani and Maynor (2 and 3) know Keaton was not to be trusted, that he was throwing out info/challenges, and that he gave me the FAMOUS Kelley Wentworth answer... WHICH I told my tribe just for added measures so it'd leak into yours possibly.

2. I’ve never been much of a “Flashy” player so a lot of my essential moves occurred more subtly because I didn’t draw too much attention to myself.

However, the most PIVOTAL move I believe I made in the game was creating the “Narwhals” (yes that was the real name, yes I know it’s lame) alliance.  I initiated it, gathered everyone together, and I do believe it was my social game and my individual relationships to each member of it (Maynor, Dani, Dean) which was the glue that kept us together for as long as it did. This alliance allowed me to do so many different things in this game such as take out big targets while remaining one myself, play the middle, and have 3 people willing to take me to the end despite being a threat and in a “duo” (That's kind of a move on it's on..). Additionally, my threat level was something that was talked about throughout the season and seen in "Touchy Subjects" where I was labelled: “Who do you trust the most”, “who do you talk to the most”, and most IMPORTANTLY “Who would you like to win this game”.

3. I understand your disappointment, I was also incredibly disappointed in myself for not getting the challenge done. I tried my hardest and did the challenge for over 3 hours (yikes) and I knew at that point someone or everyone would have beaten me. Rather than spend any more time doing the challenge, I decided it’d be best to get right to work ensuring I wasn’t going to be targeted at tribal. I also believed I could potentially use this to my advantage to decrease my “competition threat” target that had been a focal point of the arguments prior to tribal the day before. However, there are no excuses for giving up and my decision to not complete the puzzle was not taken lightly and I’m still disappointed to this day about it. Additionally, I gave my all in every challenge in this game and I hope that was reflected in the 3 immunities I won, and the two I came close in.

BONUS QUESTION CAUSE WHY NOT:

For my own personal game, I wouldn’t have changed a thing (as boring as that sounds) because every move I personally made was essential to my success and my path to getting to the end.

However, IF I had to do something different to spice things up, I think I would have flipped my vote onto Dani. That way I wouldn’t have been seen in a “duo” anymore, and the power probably would have shifted because Dean would have also jumped ship and it would have been less predictable. It would have been a m-e-s-s but it'd at least be less predictable!

Hope I answered your questions okay!

Lily-

1. I didnt say it right but yeah. Meant to say that i was able to make strong bonds with people which got me trust which helped with the code. Because if we didnt have that bond you guys wouldnt have given it to me. (The vote was for nicole to go when the idol was played. Not Colin.)

2. If you have said, i would have stuck with you and colin because I did want to play the game with you guys. Every word i said about us going to the end was true. It would have been hard to vote Dani and Jess out but would have because i meant it. But u cant say i was the only lying to you. You also lied to me by telling Dennis about the real clownies alliance without telling me. We both were playing our own games and we both had relationships with people in the game that we felt could help us. You cant get mad at me for trying to keep those connections in good standing cuz you were doing the same. Im not the only one who lied.

3. In the end of my thought process i felt me and Jess played similair games that the jury could go either way. Is it a risk yeah for sure. That was one part of my thought but also i spent the whole game with them that i decided to talk to both and Dani decided to sacrifice her game so Jess n I could be in f2. (She did it for other reasons but doesnt have to do with this game). I respect Dani a lot that I honared her wish. 

4. To be honest. No. I was just more genuinely happy that I made it to the end of the game for a theme that I really loved. This is only my 3rd time being here and I have learned that you should never expect to have anyone vote to win. Would I like to receive your vote? Yes 100% but it’s your vote and your decision which in the end I would ultimitly have to respect. 

5. I dont know if saying anything would help you believe me or not. It’s always going to come down if you believe what im saying and its just not something im just saying to get your vote. I trusted you a lot. The phrasing in rop wasnt how i felt. It was crazy how much I trusted you in the game. I know it sounds fake but im being truthful that i had equal trust to u colin dani n jess. I kept having the idol from them until I used it to save Dean. Indid that because i was also lyoal to you guys and it was our idol. Yeah its true that me Jess and Dani were working together. There was the idea of us being f3 in the beginning but it was just more of it would be really awesome if we could do it. The thing that made us solidify truly was when we felt Dennis and Nicole were coming for us 

5. I didnt mean to disrespect you in the rop if I did I truly didnt mean it. Im sorry of I did. Once again its your vote and Ill respect whichever way you vote.

6. For everyone to be in the same time zone. There were people who were from outside the us which affect the time they were on. The time zones also have an affect with activeness. People being busy with their real lifes and not being really allowed to be much on. Having more convo and people being in the main chat would have made the season more exciting.

[somedaypast-thesunset]

i’m not really sad or anxious. i’m more or less kind of pissed off. and i wish i had anxiety because in a way being pissed makes me sad because it means my personal patience has run out.

this person is sick and the way they treat me is abnormal to any relationship, romantic or not. it’s very harmful of them to act the way they do and then pull away. its wrong and manipulative and disrespectful. i’m tired. my whole life is built around them and when its not you can tell theyre disappointed and like ‘well fuck u then’.

i do nothing. even if i was asking for money, which i dont, it would pale in comparison to the trauma he causes and he pays to get away with it. he believes people talk shit about him, that no one is trusted - but all theyve heard is these things hes done. when he freaks out and stops talking to me for a few days, for little to no reason. when im blamed for the pitfalls of his life.

he told me it was “not nice” and “not appropriate” to i guess even respond to his message that he doesnt want to be asked to hang out or help and that hes “taking a step back”. like, in no previous relationship id i have to account for the days when my boyfriend is “taking a step back” and no longer exists in my life but teyll be back in three days having done their own thing which includes trolling dating sites and talking to other women and i’ll be asked in back handed ways if i’ve been with anyone else.

my response was that i wasnt about to argue with him and that ive been nothing but appreciative of the help hes given. around noon the source of his stress right now popped up and wante to give hm money so i tried to work that out for him but that was a huge mistake even remotely being involved. i shouldve taken and kept all the weed and stayed quiet. when our mutual friend called again to ask to get a hold of him in the afternoon, i tried to call then texted him to call this guy and he responded “youve already bothered me x amount of times since i asked you not to”

and “bothering” is literally just sendng a text message. i’m not allowed to send even a text message. and if i do, god forbid it’s more than one and longer than four sentences or else ive sent “a wall of text”.  like i’m tired of living by arbitrary rules that benefit no one but him. he forces everyone close to him in his life to follow these rules or he legitimately punishes them. but he first will put in just enough time and effort for you to feel like you want to be around him before slowly subjecting you to these rles one by one and telling you everytime by ignoring them you’re disrespecting him when he does nothing but give to you.

i needed a small reminder that this behaviour is abnormal. when i told a friend, she said ‘why would anyone think that sending a message like that would get no response in return? no one would feel okay about that especially if you hold a romantic relationship with this person’

i’m tired of being seen like an inanimate object that he pumps money into to keep around / for maintenence. like i feel like one of his tools. just another tool he has to service and take care of and oh sure he loves his tools but theyre kept on the floor in the garage.i’m not even allowed to be myself with him because he’s forced all of the “myself” out of me. i’m whatever came out of his mold. i don’t tell him half of the shit i would tell someone else, i reguarly choose not to talk to him about things in my life and i dont even speak to him the same way i do other friends.

but he presents, sometimes, the things i want. like maybe even what i want most in life. like dangling a carrot in front of a horse. so because i so desperately want these things - not that i want him, anyone coud fill his shoes, but what he presents - i tend to do more to have them in my life. i put up with being treated unfairly. being belittled. being asked to wait on him hand and foot. perhaps the role has even brought me comfort since i did the same for my mother and perhaps a same sort of resentment was built there too. sure - my mother would “always be there”. an she would “always help” but like .. it had to be the very worst situation and no other option in the world but to ask her to do something. and she would use it - i bought her pants, why doesnt she clean up after me.

but i wanted a mother, you know? i still wanted a mother and a family and i still begrugingly did all the stuff she wanted me to do until i just stopped one day. i say hes alot like my father because he has endearing qualitles of an old man. but he does not share the personality of my father. my father was a strong man emotionally and mentally. he saw some shit and he did not once take it out on the people around him. maybe thats the most important thing my father ever did in his life. he didnt become violent or hold resent towards women or treat children badly. but he had “excuses” to do so. he had the traumas and lonliness and shitty dealings of life.

my mother was coddled, expected to care for her family. but our days were run by her emotional instability. everydays success was based on her mood and how she would lash out on people. by noon i may have had several arguments with her. and she didnt want a kid - but wasnt she a great mother. she hated helping me - but look at all the toys she bought.

i see this sickness in him. what is it? narcissism? borderline? bipolar? does it matter? who cares what its called when it affects all the same. i’m predisposed to being a victim - perhaps they know this and see it. this is all over a garage door. but he wont say that - its about the money, its about his time, its about my lack of job but this doesnt matter until the garage. its “no problem” until the garage. its trapping. 

on a strategic level i feel like i should play the game until i can get the money to get a business liscence, which he already offered. i may be able to just help myself with that last boost and it would be a really hard independent road to take but a really respectable one i may proudly suck dick for one last time. 

i am everything he wants to be, really. independent, making my own rules, putting up with the people i choose to put up with, bartering services for goods, hanging out with a variety of people doing a variety of activities and being responsible for something people want to be apart of. i dont have to answer to my parents and i have no family responsibility - i could just run. 

today is the launch of something ive worked really hard on for the past few weeks. he will forget and ill receive nothing about it. its proof of the insignificance of my life to him. i am trivial. my whole being is trivial. nothing i do is that important. maybe thats my last straw.  you know, maybe thats the pinnacle of disrespect for me - all i want is to be acknowledged for something i actually worked on and i’m nothing more than a bag of meat. i have no brain, no concious. 

i wanted to cry when a friend took it upon herself to mention my website at a meeting recently. like someone actually saw value in something i do. he shows me photos al the time of the things he builds and i’m supposed to feign interest on a regular basis. i wont even get that.