#like jfc i’m. i’m all in man. this show is going to ruin me

[twinknote]

just watched the first episode of iwtv and had to quietly but frantically pace two laps around the house bc holy fucking SHIT

[ca-suffit]

In regard to the screenshots, why do they want Louis to be a slave owner so bad? Like why are they harping on that so much Jfc? I’m just curious because I haven’t read the books, but does Louis realize later on that slavery is wrong?( idk maybe I’m crazy, walk with me here) Does he grow in his treatment of black people or is he just a whiny, woe-is-me, feel bad for the slave owner gay white guy??

no, it's never addressed in any critical way. some of the book fandom will insist it is but it's not. he has no self awareness about this aspect of his life at all. no other characters comment on it either.

in the pre show fandom, this argument came from a lot of white women who were uncomfortable with a black man running a brothel and maybe therefore "owning" white women. it wasn't what they said but it's what they meant. rly focusing on saying everything was misogyny and the show was "obviously" going to be straightwashed bcuz of this too. once ppl realized a lot of the women in the brothel weren't white, these concerns rly died off.

a lot of book fans who hate the show like to praise the books bcuz a woman wrote them and say rolin, a man, has ruined the rest. it's again trying to use misogyny as an excuse to not look at racism. the fact that they're still going on about claudia's rape too after S2 is crazy. everything to them is waved away as "shock value" even tho anne rice wrote about rape constantly in rly misogynistic and "forgive ur rapist" ways. the show has handled various violence more sensitively than was her norm, in ways that u see affecting the characters for prolonged periods of time.

[angelnumber27]

Ok so bear with me (if you care lol)

This includes some offensive shit that I really toned down for this post bc it was that bad so.. tw abuse tw racism tw xenophobia idek what else to add it’s just bad

This is how it started (talking while eating dinner)

Me: I like having a phone bc you can learn so many things

Dad: YEAH LIKE THINGS THAT ARENT TRUE

YOU BASE YOUR WHOLE LIFE OFF OF WHAT YOU READ ON THAT PHONE

me (very calmly): you do the same thing. You live your life and base your ideals on your little radio talk show you listen to all day and Fox News (he rly is a brainwashed ass…) He then got silent for about three minutes I guess out of rage????? and then was like YOU BETTER NOT EVER QUESTION ME OR MY KNOWLEDGE ON HOW THR WORLD WORKS EVER AGAIN IVE BEEN HERE WAY LONGER THAN YOU I KNOW MORE THAN YOU (blah blah blah it went on and on hahahaha)

He screamed YOU ALWAYS FUCKING SIDE WITH THE BAD GUY!!!!!!!

I said someone having a different opinion than you do should not bother you this much it’s weird

And he said “You always have the same opinion though!” And I was like yea so do you, and I don’t scream at you for being a racist abusive disgusting piece of shit (didn’t say the stuff past the word you bc I would have been probably punched in the face or had a glass plate thrown at my head as hard as possible from two feet away or worse but boy was I thinking it)

anyways lmao i said “I literally have to sit there silently and say nothing every time you try to start a conflict and a huge fight and freak out at me because if I say ANYTHING you lose it” (I stg even just on regular days in regular conversations this man goes out of his way to try to create conflict and initiate a fight every damn time)

And he just continued with the absolutely disgusting bullshit about how I’m always wrong and always siding with “the bad guys” (homeless people, minorities, lgbt people, disabled people, people who need government assistance, mentally ill people, addicts, people who wore masks even when the pandemic was at its worst, people who got vivid shots, immigrants, Palestinians, anything even slightly liberal in general etc etc etc etc)

I was basically overall just like I don’t understand why you take it as a personal attack when someone has their own opinion. I said a lot of immigrants come here to make better lives for their families back home and then I said something about how fentanyl and meth are already here and it’s not just coming from Mexico and he got all angry and was like DONT FUCKING DEFEND THOSE PEOPLE. IMMIGRANTS HAVE RUINED OUR COUNTRY!

I literally was like jfc dude calm down and walked away

Then while I walked away he threatened to kick me out so I could “be homeless or find a place where they believe the same bullshit as me”

I think I’m just gonna go nonverbal for a while. Feels like the best route to take rn. If I don’t speak he can’t twist my words and try to say he’s being attacked 🫠

can I rant about my dumbass bigot father real quick

[nctdeeznutz]

The Sun Sets Better With You

Author’s note: This is my first time posting my own work on here....A little nervous. I just hope my imagination was accurately described during the smut. To think this started because of Taeyong and his sunset lamp light that he uses in some of of IG stories. Because in my story he’s just a bottom!b*tch. He honestly will be the death of me. The OC has the restraint I WISH I had for this man jfc. PLEASE DNI IF YOU ARE UNDERAGE!!!! 

Warnings: dirty talk, oral, (self)handjob, unprotected sex (wrap it up like pig in a blanket, yall. frfr), established relationship, descriptive usage of lights and shadows, just pure, filthy, unruly, and insatiable sub!Tae, OC is kinda domish (if you squint one eye just a wee bit)

Sneekie Peekies👀: He smiled from her question and his own ministrations causing him to shiver. It felt too good to finally be seen. The look in his eyes was so intense but his eyelids laid so low. Almost making him look sleepy. “Tell me I look pretty in our new light.” His demand was soft but so loud.

“Izzy~! It’s here! It finally came!” 

Taeyong busted into the shared bedroom of he and his girlfriend’s apartment. There was a small box in hand from what his girlfriend, who sat in their bed, could see. He vigorously shook the package above his head like an excited child. Unamused she looked up from her laptop.

“Whatever it is…I’m sure it’s broken now.” It was so sassy. Izzy just looked back down at her laptop screen continuing her work. Pursing his lips with force and squinting his eyes.  

“It is not broken! Just watch…” To prove a point he stomped across the room. There was a bedside table sitting to the left of Izzy. Taeyong stood hunched over the box in pure concentration as his eyebrows furrowed together mumbling to himself. His mouth formed a thin line that slide to the left of his face while pushing his lips outward. He was cute as he tried to get the tape off the box. He was always very careful for some strange reason about opening all of his packages. 

Fixating on lights and colors was a hobby of his. Ambiance was just something he had an eye for. It got him the job he had been hoping for at G&J Entertainment as their light show specialist several years ago. He loved his job. Taeyong encouraged himself to always work on his craft, even at home. The lighting in their home was picture worthy. Straight out of a Pinterest post. It was something he loved to do; Izzy got to be enchanted by the different colors and patterns that danced around her ceiling. Everyone was happy. She did like his eye for colors and detail. When he saw this sunset light lamp on Amazon he was enthralled. The orange hue was something he knew would look great against her soft flesh. Bring out the yellow undertones in every curve and bump. The product was so small but had so much potential. His mind immediately imaged how it would look in their space. On them. Together.

“Prepare to be amazed…” Taeyong said aloud but more so to himself as he unraveled the cords to the electronic.

“Amazed? How can I be amazed when you keep buying lights? Our bill was $379.68 last month. Lord, help me. If you bring another light into this house I’m going to skin you alive and wear you for Halloween like a latex suit.”

The man was too stunned to speak. “That’s kind of sexy.”

His eyebrow arched as he thought about his lover in a latex suit. That thought scurried away when he registered her tone. Big eyes were wide as he stood there with his shoulders hung over. Slouched and obviously sad.

“Did you have to remember it down to the cents though?” He groaned. “That was one time!”

“It’s been climbing but now it’s getting ridiculous.”

“Don’t ruin this for me.” The “me” in his beg was drawn out which caused him to drop his shoulders as low as he physically could, the box in hand dropped onto the floor with his arms. “I thought this was a safe space.” His faux cry reached her ear but not once did she did stop clicking.

“Send it back.” She deadpanned.  With slight force the laptop closed. This was not something up for discussion right now. It was the truth. She shifted picking up her laptop to finish her work in their shared study room. Before she could get too far his comment made her stop.

“But it has fifteen different settings.” To the left of his head was his arm raised at a 90º angle with the small remote between his fingers and thumb, loose wires in the other. On his face was a still a pout.

“Now.” Still unamused she walked past him.

Three hours had passed since then. She had heard him grunting in annoyance at the light fixture and the overpriced, weak wifi. Something was off when she really began to listen. Silence in the house was not unusual but Taeyong has been quiet. Too quiet. Izzy’s project has come to an end and she was hungry. Lazily, she walked down the hallway to their bedroom. There was a soft red tint that changed to orange. Figuring it was the light that he just bought she shrugged it off. The door swung open with little force as Izzy pushed herself the rest of the way in. Nothing could have prepared Izzy for what he was doing. The orange sunset lamp reflected off of him and the white bedding. Taeyong’s hair was in his eyes but they were shut. Silver-ish hair looked orange only for a second before it flashed a soft purple and blue light. Blue light radiated off of his sharp features making a shadow under his jawline. His cheekbones, nose, and lips were illuminated. His dewy skin made it look as though he wore highlighter. He looked beautiful. She almost forgot what he was doing before a hand slid up onto his neck. The hand came across the width to grasp it firmly. Izzy’s breath caught in her throat. She could hear a consistent slight slick as he worked himself.  

“Tae?” She sounded curious and soft. Taeyong moaned; his eyes still closed. Two brown eyes watched his hand slide from around his own throat to collect some oil that had been applied to his upper body and spread it to his privates. His muscles looked even more sculpted. The way his triceps moved under his smooth skin made her mouth go dry. The veins in his forearms showing. Pink to purple hue of light bounced off the oil. Four soft steps were taken. Only a few more to go as she grabbed the bed post to get a closer look.

“How long have you been doing this?” Izzy noted that she sounded so breathless. As if she was the one touching herself in the middle of their bed. Finally Taeyong opened his eyes to make eye contact with her.

“So long. For so long. I’ve been edging myself…waiting for you to find me.” Her brain trying to process what he said had put her brain into overdrive for a moment. It left her with one question.

“Why?”

He smiled from her question and his own ministrations causing him to shiver. It felt too good to finally be seen. The look in his eyes was so intense but his eyelids laid so low. Almost making him look sleepy.

“Tell me I look pretty in our new light.” His demand was soft but so loud. “Look. Look at the wall.” Izzy’s eyes watched his head drift to the right. What he saw made his own breathing uneven.

“Izzy?”

Stuck. Izzy was stuck. Her eyes were the first thing to move then her head followed. On the wall was the shadow of his body’s outline.Taeyong moved his head back to its original position. The round of his forehead, point of his nose, curve of his lips, and bumps of his Adam’s apple making a hill on the valley of his neck.  She let her eyes travel lower past the plain of his toned chest and stomach to the hard on in his hands. The sight she’s been teasing herself with this whole time. In the shadow she could make out the knuckles of his hands at the base of his dick. The ridges created a contrast to the smooth curved black figure. Slowly the top hand slid up, circling around the tip only to come back down to meet the other again. To her left Taeyong was releasing moans that made her core pulse. He did this multiple times. After those strokes he intertwined his fingers together, wrapped his palms around either side of his dick, and connected his wrist. The shadow of his muscular leg combined with the flatness of his resting other leg, created a triangle against the wall before he brought his other leg up. Only his shoulders and flats of his feet touched the bed as he began to thrust into his hands. Hips touched his hands with relaxed, even strokes. Izzy was dazzled by the performance before her. The dampness in her pajama shorts was unwavering. She wished his delicate hands were her own. Her immediate grip on the bed post kept her grounded as she blinked a few times then he called her name again.

“Izzy. Tell me. Please.” By now, she was standing next to him. Her figure in the light now. The light is no longer the color it once was. It has changed to the original setting to start all over. Seemed like Taeyong figured out how to put it on some sort of repeated cycle. Orange and Yellow. His dick looked stiff and red. Past his privates was his abs, chest, neck, and finally his face. He looked at her with expectancy. A pink tongue coated his lips. Now they glistened just like his upper body. So tangible. Silently, her hand closest to him reached out to graze his thigh.

“So pretty, baby. You look so pretty.” That compliment sent Taeyong to jerk his dick a little faster. Silently, Izzy undressed. To say that he was excited to see his girlfriend going along with his antics was an understatement. It made his finger tips tingle. He grabbed the remote to set the light to his favorite just to sit it back down. Eagerly he got up to touch her naked frame.

“Why haven’t you kissed me if I look so pretty? You know I’m doing this for you.” Her and her mate saw eye to eye. His pouty lips looked so enticing. She felt his hands skirt along her hips to remain there; he pulled her body against his. Naturally, the exposed skin collected some of the oil from his body. Izzy could feel it pressing into her pores. They're foreheads touched but no lips connected fully. Just a few grazes here and there. They were teasing each other. Izzy smiled into the kiss. Only because Taeyong cracked first. She could feel him press himself into her like a puzzle piece. The kiss made him whimper. Long awaited intimacy that he had been craving since he started this game. He felt like he deserved it. He had been so patient. Soft smacks of kisses could be heard in the silence of the bedroom. Taeyong needed more. So he took the lead to pull her flat against him. They casually fell onto the bed in their heated kiss.

“You’ve been here stroking yourself this whole time…hoping for me to come back from the study. It’s only fair I get a chance to get pleasure too.” Izzy took advantage of the oil and used her thumb to subtly flick Taeyong’s nipples as she pulled his earlobe into her mouth. His hips ground up into nothing hoping for something.

“Anything. Anything you want.” Pale fingers gripped the comforter under him while his hips never stopped grinding up. His girlfriend looked down. Slender gold-ringed fingers braced themselves on the sides of Taeyong’s head instead his nipples.

“If you don’t stop thrusting like that you’re going to come. Calm down.” Her tone was soft. Her warm lips caressed his own from left to right. She did not want to pull away from him completely. All Taeyong could do was nod his head. Their breaths calmed down.

“Get comfortable on the bed, baby.” Taeyong rearranged some pillows to lay in the top middle of the bed. Following his lead Izzy kneeled over him. Her knees inched past his shoulders, ears, and stopping then the tips met the top of his head. From above Taeyong was so pleased. His pale hands slid upward to her hips that followed the same trail back down. With ease, Izzy lowered herself over his mouth. The heat that escaped his open mouth made her stomach bubble with anticipation. Eating pussy was one the things that he was best at. If Izzy were too look back on all of her exes Taeyong still took the crown. He did it with so much passion and confidence. He knew he was good too. She could feel it in the way his mouth greeted her clit much like it was doing at the moment. Lips kissed hers with slow appreciation. All Izzy could do was grip the headboard, moan, then look down at her boyfriend. Deep, determined eyes met her lust filled ones. The technique had changed to his mouth suctioned around her clit with his tongue pressed right against it. Somehow he managed to make a pulse like sensation that made her so wet. Izzy’s back glistened with sweat. She was so hot from being on top; it took a lot of effort to control her stability while her abdomen shook with pleasure. Loud slurps followed by obnoxious eating noises only made her more weak.

“Don’t you want to fuck me?” Taeyong, who sounded intoxicated, questioned. Izzy stopped to open her eyes. When she looked down, Taeyong was giving her this stare all while he licked his lips.

“Maybe even come around me? Because I want you to.”

There was a strong grip on her ass as he spoke. He was right. She was more than wet enough from the prior show then the immaculate head had kept her on the edge long enough. Without a word she scooted back to sit on his lap. Taeyong placed himself with his back rested against a pile of pillows. Izzy’s thighs on either side of his. Straddling him. Her lean thighs always fit so perfectly in his hand so that if he wanted to grip them with force, the skin would bulge beneath the pressure. Making the prettiest impressions. So warm, so soft. With her right hand she rearranged their genitals so her lips were spread over the underside of his hard-on. Her wetness smeared as she began to rock back and forth. Every once in a while her clit would rub the tip. Taeyong was enjoying this dry humping all too much. His focus was on the way his penis was now glistening. Thrust so eager that they would falter past her pussy. Izzy moaned. Two grinds later when Taeyong’s tip caught Izzy’s hole on his thrust up. He did not push all the way. The enjoyment of sliding into Izzy was that it should be done slowly. He felt everything clenching and pulling him in. Soft and wet. It evoked a carnal desire to be so sub. Izzy was fully seated on him now. Not moving, just feeling his length hard inside of her. Her nails dug into his ribs as she leaned forward to kiss him. To his surprise she brought her hips up, rolled around the tip, and fully sat him inside her again. Taeyong’s eyes rolled to the back of his head. The toes on his feet bending with restraint. Then her thrust became more persistent. The muscles in her ass, hips, and lower back flexing beneath the skin as she rode him. This was his favorite. Her chest grazing his as she proceeded to rotate her hips. Giving his tip attention that caused his chest to move in a way that looked shaky. His moans went higher in pitch. Her hips swiveled in a slow melodic pace. Her touch was a contradiction. The way one hand had a stronghold on his shoulder and the other in the back of his head, gripping the patch of silver hair there. Taeyong closed his mouth trying to swallow whatever saliva had accumulated. Though it was not much because he was breathing through his mouth rather harshly. Everything just felt so good. Every time his girlfriend brought her hips forward her walls would grab him in a way that made his mouth fall open again. Caramel skin in the light of his sunset light lamp took his breath away. Looking up at her with his mouth open, eyebrows slightly raised, and eyes so glossy. They shimmered when he looked at her. The different hues of orange and yellow made her look celestial. If he looked to his right he could see the shadow of their figures on the wall adjacent to him. He looked absolutely fucked out. Both of his hands gripped her ass to press his hips into hers.

“Please…” Taeyong leaned forward. He honestly couldn’t tell if the pull was from her gripping him harder while riding him faster or the sheer weakness he felt from all pleasure. Either way he was addicted. His mouth lingered on the area where her neck and shoulder met. Slowly, he opened his mouth, letting his tongue lick the area with hunger. Finally letting a low whimper out. His hips stuttered in her. Although he danced, for some reason, he couldn’t help but to give stammered pumps while she expertly swiveled hers.

“Fuck…Izzy—“ Taeyong felt dizzy. He was so hard and on the edge. She could tell. What Izzy loved the most was to watch him fall apart. He wasn’t coming but she drooled over how easily he got worked up. Similar to a loose string in the stitching of a fabric. So easy. He had always been like that. She smiled to herself as she pulled him closer to her chest. The feeling of adoration and pride seeping from her sweaty frame. It felt good to put in this hard work for the reward to be a whimpering boyfriend who is eager to please. Allowing him room to breath but cradling him so closely, she slowed her hips again. This torture continued as Taeyong ate it up.  The way she held him and whispered praises in his ear was forbidden. 

Taeyong felt his head gripped by the top of his head and chin. Moving shadows on the wall came into view. It’s not something anyone would make out immediately but it did look like two people intertwined. The height advantage his girlfriend’s head displayed over his, her head hung back and her open mouth made a gap in the outline. The loose curls in her head that bounced as she worked him to completion and the outline of her back along with the curve of her ass was all on display. His eyes and head rolled back again. Silver hair that was once covering his forehead now split down the middle. Allowing Izzy to see his face fully. His eyebrows were raised higher than before as he took a deep exhale.  

“B-Baby. Baby… Stop.” His chested heaved to gather some oxygen from the deep exhale he blew out earlier. Izzy, who was still looking at her boyfriend, smiled. Hunched over she kissed up his neck only to top it all off with a lick from his collar bone to his chin. He shivered and laughed. Hands moved from her ass to her face. Taeyong was the best kisser. Always a quick leaner. He took Izzy’s breath away every time. They're lips locked with slow, intimate kisses. Sometimes his tongue would slip into her mouth grazing her tongue to slip out of her mouth again. Izzy groaned with impatience.

“You wanna know what I think?” She asked in between wet, plush kisses. Affected by her words Taeyong briefly let his imagination run free.

“God,” he exhaled. Taeyong’s lips ghosted over Izzy’s. Hands on either side of her face kept her still so she could feel his lips move while he spoke: “I’d let you do whatever you want to me. I just want to be your good boy. So, please. Let me be good for you…” Everything he just stated came out in a hushed, used whisper. Too fast. Too desperate. He couldn’t help it. With another loud deep breath he kissed Izzy hard. Lips messily slid together with immense amount of primal want.

“I haven’t said anything yet, Tae.”

“Let me cum for you…” He managed to let another plea let loose. Their kiss and closeness encouraged them to began rocking again. Lightly his hips rocked up into her warm heat. Every thrust meeting her grinds. He was so deep in her. As many times as they have been intimate Taeyong could never get used to Izzy riding him balls deep, lingering kisses on his neck, and telling him he deserves to come. Truth be told he does. Letting her drive the boat was something he preferred. Being used, grabbed, bitten, and anything else under the sun just so happened to be something she found out he liked. 

She angled her chin upward as she looked down on him. His balls tightened. By now, Taeyong’s legs were extended outward, a basic reaction when he gets close to coming. Every once in a while he would flex his butt muscles to emulate some form of undulation. The tension in his muscles only applied more pressure toward his orgasm. Her walls gripped him a few more time so he held his breath. A vein in his neck grew in visibility the closer he got. He was holding back. Trying not to let feeling to the orgasm completely sweep him away in the waters of euphoria to later drown.

“‘m so cl-ose.” Eyes closed. Lips dry. His Adam’s apple bobbed with need. Taking advantage of his eyes being closed Izzy leaned forward to grip Taeyong’s chin.

“Open those pretty eyes of yours, baby.” Izzy’s tongue peeked from her mouth and traced the small circular opening of her partners parted lips. Taeyong’s big, round eyes landed on Izzy. She felt like a star. “I want you to look at me as best you can while you come. Can you do that for me?” His eyes just followed her every movement. There was no response but she knew he was going to do it.

“…gonna make…make me come s’hard- Oh shit.” Naturally his breaths became deeper and deeper. The grip on her hips had tightened. With two more swirls of her hips, his orgasm had hit him hard. Taeyong had managed to uphold the eye contact but only for a second. He most certainly was not looking at her directly. One of his eyes managed to roll in a different direction. His pupils had almost rolled past visibility before his eyes fluttered closed. His mouth released the longest, loudest moan accompanied by a drawn out “fuck”. He was breathless. His body was completely locked up as he felt the aftershocks of his orgasm. He could not control the shake of his right leg or the jerking of his abdomen.

“You ride me so good…” He chanted absent-mindedly.

Mindlessly, his hips still stuttered into her heat. The combination of him coming and his thrust had her come undone with a shudder.

“God damnnit.” Proclaimed his tired girlfriend. Izzy was out of breath; her thighs burned. It was all worth it to see him with his eyes closed and a small smile on his face. Taeyong laughed to himself as he hugged her. She stayed in his lap while he rubbed circles into her lower back.

A single kissed was placed on her neck before he spoke: “So, we’re keeping the light?”

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 290: It’s Touya Time

Previously on BnHA: Iida and Hadou showed up like a couple of Pennsylvanias and Georgias to bail Shouto out at the last minute. Ochako and Toga had an exceptionally strange fight which consisted of Toga being all “guess what Ochako, I used your quirk to murder someone, how do you feel about that”, and Ochako being all “I do not like that”, to which Toga was all “:(”. There was some doll-stealing and some bookcase-yeeting, and then Toga left in tears because Ochako was all adamant that murder has consequences. Anyway so I have absolutely no idea what Toga is thinking now, but I guess we’ll have some time to stew on it, because we ended the chapter by cutting back to the Iida+Hadou+Shouto VS Afomura battle, which was interrupted by Gigantomachia and the LoV showing up like a bunch of Floridas to ruin everyone’s nice day.

Today on BnHA: Horikoshi hands the mic over to Dabi and is all “take it away, kid.” Over in Room 315 of Musutafu General, Rei is all “may I please watch some TV” and the hospital staff is all “sure”, and so she tunes in just in time to catch Todoroki Touya’s Peabody Award-winning documentary “Number One Hero, Number One Fraud: The Todoroki Enji Story”, which is being broadcast nationwide courtesy of Skeptic and his magic laptop. Meanwhile in Jakku, Dabi is all “I’M TOUYA, BITCHES”, and Shouto and Enji are all, “(゜◇゜ )”, and Dabi is all, “anyway so just to sum it all up, because of how much of a jerk Endeavor was, I am now Evil.” Everyone continues to be all “(ﾟoﾟ)” except for Dabi, who is all “└(˘▾˘┌ )≡ ( ┐˘▾˘)┘≡┗( ˘▾˘)┛≡┏( ˘▾˘)┓≡┗( ˘▾˘)┛” for pretty much the rest of the chapter. Idk. Just let the man have his fun, guys. He’s waited a long time for this.

y’all I have a confession to make. I am technically not spoiled for this chapter thanks to my robustly paranoid system of spoiler-tag-filtering, which is extensive enough that it pretty much will catch whenever someone so much as breathes something even remotely new-chapter-related. that being said, I like to think that I am capable of making basic logical inferences! and so the fact that for the past 36 hours, my dashboard has pretty much nonstop consisted almost entirely of this...

...has led me to conclude that MAYBE, POSSIBLY, PROBABLY, BUT ALSO DEFINITELY, a certain someone is finally going to reveal his ~secret identity~ woop woop. lmao

anyway so everyone, please remember to act surprised though, as we would not want Dabi’s feelings to be hurt at all. he has been planning this moment for the last decade or so and I wouldn’t want him to feel like all of that effort was for naught. so just play along, okay. OH MY, IF IT ISN’T THE LEAGUE OF VILLAINS’ MYSTERIOUS DABI. WHATEVER COULD HIS ARRIVAL POSSIBLY BE HERALDING, I JUST DON’T KNOW

“Dabi’s Dance” lmao. I’m sticking with Touya Time myself. ngl I had this recap title planned out for at least the past year or so. just waiting for that day to finally come

anyway so some people in some building somewhere are all “TURN OFF THE TV IN ROOM 315” and idk. I’m guessing the LoV is hacking the airwaves to livestream the reveal, as predicted

-- oh shit. UHHHHHHHH

did she always have this TV or did she get it just recently?? jfc of all the times for the hospital staff to finally loosen up

um... so that’s... (・＿・；)

well but I mean, she was gonna find out one way or the other at some point though. like you can’t really just keep her locked up and isolated from all news of the outside world forever and ever and ever. granted, this isn’t exactly the ideal way for her to learn this particular bit of information, but it’s not really ideal for anybody else either! EXCEPT DABI, THAT IS. have yourself a day you funky little terrorist

oh shit what is this?? it’s not live???

over in Jakku, a red-faced, sputtering Dabi makes a frantic grab for Skeptic’s laptop. “WAIT, NO, JESUS, NOT THAT TAPE!”

lol. but seriously Dabi are you even wearing a shirt. like I’m not one to slutshame anyone bro, but it’s just, exactly what type of mood were you looking to set here??

anyway so we really are cutting back to Jakku now, and Gigantomachia is all, “MASTERS”! which, I wonder if he really did use the plural? that’s right Machia, both of them in one place now! that sure is convenient for you huh

lol what is this with all this AFO monologuing. you’re really gonna make me read through this when I’m sitting here all sleep-deprived from election week. JUST GET TO THE TOUYAS. WE WERE PROMISED TOUYAS!!

sigh

“tee hee it’s fucking hilarious how goddamn powerful I am now lol”

alas, in spite of myself I do have two serious takeaways from this. one is that AFO is still controlling most of Tomura’s body behind the scenes, which both does and doesn’t bode well for Tomura (like, at least he’s not dying, but the long-term implications of this for his free will and such certainly are not Good). and two is that this confirms that Ujiko did give Tomura at least one powerful mutant quirk, which explains why he was still so deadly and indestructible even when Aizawa was using Erasure on him (since Erasure doesn’t work on mutant quirks, just emitter and transformation ones)

MEANWHILE ON TODAY’S EPISODE OF “TODOROKI SHOUTO’S TERRIBLE, HORRIBLE, NO GOOD, VERY BAD LIFE”

I like how he doesn’t actually say that he can’t take on Gigantomachia. just that he can’t take on him and Afomura at the same time. that’s confidence, baby. that right there is why you always draft Todoroki Shouto in the first round for your fantasy team

HADOU!!!!

OOOH, TOMURA’S ALL “MAN, THIS GIRL’S WAVE POWERS AND THIS KID’S ICE POWERS ARE A SUPER-STRONG COMBO DAGNABBIT.” YESSS I LIKE THAT, TELL ME MORE ABOUT HOW COOL AND POWERFUL THEY ARE

HOT DAMN LOOK AT THAT

um but not to take away from this exceptionally cool moment or anything, but why is Endeavor dying and shouting “RUN” down there in the corner um

oh

excuse me. not to take away from How Bad This All Is, but!!

just a little, smol, IidaBaku for everyone. Iida, who apparently doesn’t know a damn thing about first aid and is all, “hmm that’s a pretty bad-looking puncture wound he has in his left shoulder there, I think I’ll just let his arm dangle freely like that and I won’t bother taking off his heavy gauntlets either. I mean. he’ll be fine, probably.” smh. at least Shouto probably cauterized the wounds

EXCUSE ME WHAT

TIME FOR MORE OF THAT GOOD OLD FASHIONED SHOUNEN RIDICULOUSNESS I GUESS LMAO. KACCHAN YOU HAVE A HOLE IN YOUR TORSO. THERE IS A HOLE IN YOUR TORSO, AND YOU LOST LIKE FOUR GALLONS OF BLOOD, BUT SURE. “PUT ME DOWN” HE SAYS. FIRST OF ALL, PUTTING ASIDE THE FACT THAT YOU ABSOLUTELY SHOULD NOT BE CONSCIOUS, THE FUCK ARE YOU EVEN GOING TO DO, LIE DOWN AT THEM?? LISTEN, YOU SWEET IDIOT. TAKE HEED, BELOVED DUMBASS!!

ah well. I guess he gets to watch the Touya Show now too then lol

LMAOOOO now Machia’s lifting Tomura carefully in his palm like a broken action figure and Spinner is all “THE FUCK, YOU LOOK LIKE DEATH WARMED OVER”

“oh hey there Spinner. well let’s see, I woke up from my three-month coma and destroyed a city, had my body incinerated, and am currently being possessed by a diabolically evil potato. but please, tell me more about everything you've been through”

AW YISS AND THE FOCUS NOW SHIFTS TO THE TODOROKIS. EVERYTHING IS PROCEEDING EXACTLY AS WE HAVE FORESEEN

Endeavor my dude. it’s as if you want to die here. also holy shit, that bit about his lungs definitely does not bode well for him either

MOTHERFUCKER

GO AHEAD AND SIGN YOUR OWN DEATH CERTIFICATE, WHY DON’T YOU!! FLAGS UPON FLAGS. JESUS CHRIST

meanwhile Dabi’s just waving at ‘em

lmaoooo please oh please Caleb please keep this ‘EYYYYYYY’, it’s fucking perfect kdlshk;hg

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH

(ETA: so as you will see very shortly, I completely missed this detail in my first read-through because I was so anxious to get to the reveal page, but THIS MOTHERFUCKER LITERALLY DOUSED HIMSELF WITH INSTANT HAIR DYE REMOVER THAT HE’S JUST BEEN CARRYING AROUND IN A LITTLE HIP POUCH APPRENTLY SINCE THE BEGINNING OF TIME. MOTHERFUCKER. I HAVE NO WORDS.)

IS THIS THE TIME. IS THIS THE MOMENT?! HERE IT COMES SLKFHS BRACE YERSELVES LADS

EYYYYYYYYYYYY

OKAY EVERYONE JUST LIKE WE PRACTICED!! SURPRISED FACES ON THREE! ONE... TWO... (•̪ o •̪) !! okay how was that

LMAO ENDEAVOR

at least Shouto looks properly stunned. Enji just looks like endeavor.exe just straight up stopped working

meanwhile Deku’s out here trying to do the math on this latest surprise family reveal! first Tomura is related to Nana, and now this. what’s next. who are you related to, Spinner. he rips off his boots to reveal engine legs and declares himself Iida’s long-lost uncle

oh shit Touya

it’s as if a million fanworks suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly jossed. who knew that all this time he was secretly sporting a crop top scar

also, THIRTY?! holy shit son you been busy

la la la two-page spread of Touya casually driving the dagger into Endeavor’s hero career and rocking the foundations of hero society as we know it la la la

la la la!!!

OH IS THAT THE END OF THE STORY THEN

almost got confused for a sec. there’s two monologues happening at once here. Endeavor doesn’t even know that his dirty laundry is being aired out nation-wide as we speak ffffff

btw while I appreciate the close-ups of Enji and Shouto here for sure, ngl I would also really love to see everyone else’s reactions right now. SHOW ME BAKUGOU AND THE LOV YOU COWARDS

is his hair actually turning white all of a sudden?? your hair dye just reacts on command??

(ETA: in all seriousness though, the hell kind of hair dye was he using? all he has to do is pour a bottle of that stuff and not even lather it in and it’s just gone just like that?? what the fuck would have have done if it ever rained lmao.

and this motherfucker just goes and leaves the dye remover in afterwards, too. I have never dyed my hair in my life and even I can tell you that’s probably not a good idea, Dabi.)

is this it. is this the legendary Dabi Dance in action. lmfao

oh hey what the fuck

so you figured you’d just murder your innocent younger brother to get revenge on dad, huh. well that’s nice

is that really all there is to the origin story though?? feels like we’re still missing a huge chunk of it. what was it that finally sent him over the edge? or was the trauma of being created as Endeavor’s perfect little hero tool and then being subsequently rejected by him enough on its own? because I’m still kind of confused on the part where he goes from “abused and discarded by his father” to “killed thirty people and was plotting the murder of his own brother” to tell you the truth

(ETA: lmao the initial fandom reaction to this did not disappoint. listen guys. people can be traumatized and shaped by awful circumstances that are completely out of their control, and grow up to be people they wouldn’t have grown up to be if things had been better, and all of that absolutely sucks, but. it doesn’t mean they get a get-out-of-jail-free card for all of their future actions, either! the tragedy of this situation is that terrible things happened to Touya, and he then went on to do terrible things himself. the tragedy of it is that this is exactly how the cycle of abuse keeps repeating itself on and on and on. maybe one of the people Dabi killed had a child who will now grow up traumatized themselves, and potentially go on to pay it forward themselves when they grow up. the tragedy is that the eye-for-an-eye justice that Touya is seeking out won’t actually make anything better in the end. the tragedy is that we understand why Touya is so angry, but that anger has basically warped him into the gleefully sadistic dancing figure we see in this chapter who has stopped caring about anyone else’s pain or suffering and just wants his own revenge.

anyway. basically what I’m trying to say is that it’s possible for the concepts of “Todoroki Touya was an innocent child and a victim of abuse” and “Dabi is a grown-ass motherfucking adult who killed thirty people and PROBABLY NEEDS TO BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE FOR THAT” to coexist lol. like, y’all wanted your moral grey, well HERE YOU GO lmao, eat up.)

lol but LOOK AT THAT BOY DANCE HIS LITTLE HEART OUT though

Todoroki Touya confirmed not a fan of the Endeavor redemption arc huh. well we all saw this coming lols

anyways here’s a sexy Touya for y’all

you really are the most theatrical bitch I s2g lmao

also for real though, what is happening with his hair? anime team in shambles here. they’re probably just gonna double down and keep it red. too bad though cuz this is a surprisingly good look on him

SO MANY CLOSE-UPS OF THE TODOROKI FACES

friendly reminder that Dabi without a doubt REHEARSED this speech like a thousand fucking times. LET US FALL TOGETHER!! COME DANCE WITH YOUR SON IN HELL. apparently if you fake your own death in middle school you will never mentally age past that point and will remain a permanent chuuni

OH LMAO THAT’S THE END

we really just gonna end on “DANCE WITH YOUR SON IN HELL”, huh. very well then. you know what song to play, Horikoshi. one, two... YOU ARE MY DAD. YOU’RE MY DAD!! BOOGIE WOOGIE WOOGIE

[ambelle]

3x10 thoughts

Well…

Pros

- I’m glad I was right about Dick not turning them over to please Babs and carelessly putting the team in danger. I think he’s getting back on track as a leader since he got that concussion

- Nice to see Gar and Rachel together again. Sweethearts.

- I always love watching Dick and Kory be on the same page 😌. IDK they’re just cute even with next to no content. Let’s get to that bombshell cause other pairs are giving absolutely nothing. Like negative chemistry it’s bad. On that note…

- Didn’t have to watch any dry ass Dickbabs sex scenes so bless

- Seems Gar may be able to talk to animals or something can we focus on that! Cause I’d rather watch Gar turn into a bat than 80% of what’s going on. I cannot believe the writers don’t see how great Ryan is come on.

- I didn’t like her acting before but I gotta say Damaris really sells it as a bad guy it’s too bad they gave her season to Jason and Crane . Like she really could have slayed this season. Speaking of them…

Cons

- it’s never been more clear than now that the entire season was a waste. They ruined the whole season to prop up batfam- particularly Jason and Babs and both are giving me nothing. Just absolutely nothing to justify all the screentime they get. Zero bars.

-Not only do Crane and Jason fail as bad guys they fail as characters in general. IDK why you’d say fuck an alien invasion let’s do Scarecrow and then not use fucking fear toxin?! Not take the opportunity to dose the team and give us some interesting visions? Show their fears and them talking about them and over coming them? Could you imagine seeing their deepest fears and them like scrambling to come up with antidotes and stuff. This is so boring and underwhelming and a complete waste of time. It’s kind of hard to believe how lame this all is. Koms invasion would have been incredible like wtf even is this shit I???

- Jason is sober and responsible for his actions like I said. I don’t want to hear no more poor Jason bullshit alright. That’s over it’s cancelled. Also Jason deserves to die but he won’t and I should subtract 100 points for that alone. What is his motive? Name it for me. JFC enough

- Crane knows identities and secrets but isn’t exposing them why? Because that’s too exciting for this show is that it? Are they literally afraid of doing anything not predictable and lame?

I’ll give the ep a B- if you just ignore the entire plot? I liked the teams interactions mostly? Lovely gowns beautiful gowns? LMAO IDEK anymore man

[misticloyal]

Rating LMK s3 Episodes

Oh my fucking god I need to talk about them 

And of course, after the read more there’s spoilers (fucking obviously) because I still see people complaining about where to watch s3 so I’m not about to absolutely RUIN someone’s day  LMAo

Episode 4

If you read this post here and this answer to an ask then you already know I talked about Macaque’s shenanigans in this episode and that alone makes me happy since it gives depth to Macaque more then just “I don’t like Wu Kong Fuck y’all lol” 

But also I’m super content that Mei wasn’t a deus ex machina in this episode, in the end it still returned to MK eventually pulling his shit together and getting him and his friends away from Macaque. Imma be honest as soon as Mei pulled out her dragon sword I was like welp ig we’re gonna have a Mei vs Macaque episode and then I’ll be off BUT NOPE

Mei got Macaque to actually bust out his mummy shadow giant thing and Sandy showed off again how fucking awesome he is.

Only after both of his friends at least got a chance to fight Macaque was MK forced to do something, which was hurting Macaque where it hurts o7

.

Episode 6

I have absolutely no excuse, I just love Red Son especially when he interacts with MK LMAO

Bc like Red Son BACKSTORY- and also Red Son with his hair down is- literally fucking amazing then also spicynoodles food is always appreciated

(MK joking about asking for milk and a blanket and then Red Son actually going to get them HHHH- *wails* he so wholesome RIP)

I literally memorized the whole episode in Chinese since I was using the subbed Chinese version to translate it myself (to test my knowledge of the language and whatnot).

It got taken down on YouTube though and I spent a whole week cursing myself for not downloading it RIP

But pspspspsps if anyone still has s3e6 with only Chinese sub somewhere in their computer could you like- shoot me the link or smth bc I like reading the characters more then reading the English ones sometimes k ty for your service👌

.

Episode 8

I actually used to feel indifferent about this episode but once my focus drifted not only to Monkie Kid but ALSO to Journey of the West I became super intrested in this one specifically.

Essentially, I really like Macaque character development, in Monkie Kid the show, but after I learned more (read: remembered all the stuff about JTTW after I hyper-fixated on it a few years ago) about Zhu Ba Jie, Tripitaka, and Sandy I was like- Bro these characters kinda banging actually.

So long story short I grew fond of the message in the story and how Tang handles himself.

The scene where everything comes to a head and Tang gives his speech while Pigsy starts singing (OH MY FUCKING GOD PIGSY SINGING THOUGH HOLY SHIT EVERYTIME IT’S LIKE JFC MANS GOT BARS AND HE’S AN ABSOLUTE LEGEND FFFF-) is my favorite, especially since Macaque gets left behind and gets incapacitated by the electricity.

Idk why but having Macaque get held back by that specific reason is like wrapping up a story all nice a neat with a bow y’know? Like it wasn’t ‘Oh noooo, Tang suddenly awoke these strange powers and Macaque was no match for them’ or ‘Ohhh nooo, Macaque let him go because he was moved by Tang’s speech’ (LMAO yeah right).

It was ‘well because of the conduction of electricity through the metal wiring of the lantern when Macaque’s body came in contact with the metal the electricity also flowed through him, not hurting him but instead paralyzing him making Tang able to get away’

I like logical explanations what can I say ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

Then of course I can’t forget about...

These actual fucking dumbasses. I love them so much it’s not even funny bro they are so cool and awesome o7

.

Finally, the honorable mention of an episode that I would count as one of my favorite but just didn't make the cut because it’s the fucking last episode so of course it’d have some shit that makes it better then the rest lmao

Episode 10

There’s so many things to talk about in this, we’ve got 

Tang actually knowing how to do magic rituals apparently

Oh yeah: Mei being the literal Fire of Samadhi

Uh Macaque and Wu Kong going through their divorce arc for the fifth time and fighting in front of the kids (🙄)

Ne Zha being fucking awesome

MK having abandonment issues

and-

RED SON WOO HE’S BACKKKK LETS FUCKING GO IF DRAGONFRUIT BECOMES CANNON I WILL BE KINDA SAD THO (I’m sorry but to me Dragonfruit Shipping looks like a bisexual w/ a preference for women getting into a relationship with a gae man RIP)

I live for Mei and Red Son becoming besties that ask each other about dating advice though *wheeze* 

Red Son’s like: “Okay he’s asking for my number, and so I told him it but now he keeps calling me? Is it a normal thing for humans to pester each other so much once they get to know one another?”

Mei: B R O  WAIT-

The biggest highlight for me was Macaque flinching at Wu Kong getting mad at him in which- Gimme a second I’m just gonna-

I’M CRYING RN HE LITERALLY WAS SO HAPPY AFTER HE GOT THE FUKCING ICE OFF OF HIMSELF LIKE MACAQUE WAS SO PROUD SAYING “Oh it worked :D” BUT AFTER WU KONG TURNS TO HIM HIS FACE JUST d r o p s AND WU KONG LITERALLY PULLED HIM OUT OF HIS SHADOW PORTAL HE WAS SO MAD AND THEN WHEN MK GAVE HIS SPEECH MACAQUE AND WU KONG WERE JUST stAring AT EACH OTHER LIKE FUCK WE SHOULD’VE DONE THAT WE ARE DUMBASSES FFF-

Yeah that small detail made me feel a lot of things lmao, but it’s understandable y’know I just want the best for them and Macaque redemption arc is something that I would love to see o7

(Btw I posted the clip of the scene I had a mini-meltdown over)

I need to see a scene where one of them relives their past friendship and the argument that lead to Macaque getting hurt so baddddd

Surprisingly though, Macaque and Wu Kong interacting + Red Son’s appearance isn’t enough to make this my favorite episode SIMPLY because it’s the last episode so I feel it has a bias there since a lot was supposed to happen anyway 

.

Final thing I’m going to do is rate all the s3 episodes from 1-5 because I feel like it lol

e1: 4

e2 : 2

e3 : 2

e4 : 5

e5 : 4

e6 : 5

e7 : 3

e8 : 5

e9 : 4

e10 : 4

[sunlightandsuffering]

Prompt : they are both famous and secretly dating.

tbh I don't know what this is or if it makes any sense at all, so sorry anon for butchering ur prompt, but I'm a basic bitch and I like my drake, so like this is gonna be pain bcuz my favourite song on the new album is just pain and I can't stop thinking about a fucked up celebs relationship to it, just ANGST AND PAIN!! 😭😭 but those lyrics hit, can't believe I wrote a song fic ugh circa Tumblr 2015 jfc I'mma write a happier ending to this in another prompt 😂 bc someone else asked for the same thing.

Fucking Fans

I'm still working on me

Eren stands at the Met Gala, holding Mikasa by the waist, giving a cramped smile for photos and keeping her close. People call their names and cameras flash and his beloved blinks, hiding her face into his shoulder as the lights overwhelm her.

He looks down at her lovingly as some jackass reporter yells about a cheating rumour and her pretty face pinches up. Eren is quick to comfort her with his touch, both hands gripping her waist reassuringly as he decides it's time for them to go inside.

"Come on Miki," he kisses her forehead and she nods, accepting. Neither of them wants to think about those rumours, the damage and the pain they bring up is too much and it's all his fault, he knows, but he can't undo it.

The guilt eats at him and she holds his hand tighter, the despair takes him and she cuddles him at night.

They're together now but sometimes Eren wonders just how it happened, how he came back from falling so far. How she took him back when he fucked up so massively.

And I'm coming back better for you

The day he shows up on her door step again is the day of the biggest awards show of the season, the one he knows she's going to kill and probably sweep several categories. Just because she's that amazing. He finds her where he expects, in her apartment, the address Armin gave him, doing her own hair and makeup, humble Mikasa just like always, ironing out her own dress. He shows up in a suit with as many white roses as he can fit into a bouquet and ready to leave if she still hates him, which she has every right to.

But he's been through months of therapy, gave Armin control of his bank account, and check himself into rehab thrice, every time he was even inching closer to relapse.

He's not fixed, but he's better, marginally, and he wants her to know it, know he still loves her at the very least.

She opens the door, beautiful even without makeup, and wearing a white slip and her pretty red mouth parts in shock.

All he can do is hold out his roses as tears leave his eyes at seeing her for the first time in months.

Most times it was my selfishness and your helplessness that I took advantage of

It was so easy with Mikasa, she was so devoted to him. So loving and sweet, always there for him.

She'd wait up, let him do what he wanted, never wanting to stifle or control him. Too afraid their tenuous relationship would crack and they'd break up.

A part of him blames her for it, for being so willing to let him do what he wanted. She'd been passive, unsure how to insert herself, had minimal complaints, letting him ruin his life party by party, late night after late night, drugs and alcohol all of it.

But he knows he can never hold her accountable for his own actions, and the day she's finally done with his bullshit is both the best and worst day of his life. She finally says no, and it begins his path to fixing himself. Because hitting rock bottom is losing the most important thing in his life, and that's Mikasa.

You sit in the house and I be out and I know you're worried, up

The problem with her passivity is he knows it's not passivity at all, she just doesn't know what to do, how to fix him. Eren has always had a temper, and she's known him for a long time, knows he'll lash out and behave worse if provoked. So she'd reacted as best she could, leaving rehab pamphlets out, asking him to stay in and watch movies, bake with her, anything other than going out to party.

But he'd stumble home every night and see her asleep on the couch, waiting. Always there to pick him up instead of a cab, not wanting the paparazzi to get a hold of him, she was always there.

And you try and block it out

They lived in a bubble, they pretended it didn't happen. They didn't acknowledge when he was too hungover to shoot the next morning. She'd brew him coffee, get him through the day, flush his drug stash when they checked, both his saving grace and biggest enabler.

Even when he's kissing her for more than just an on-screen kiss, lips drinking her in like a man starved, and the next morning she finds new girls in his bed, she keeps quiet.

They're a mess, but every time she dutifully kicks the girls out and drags him to the shower.

I'm so sorry for letting you down

When he'd first become famous, he hadn't known what to do with himself. He'd been scouted for how many movies, tv-shows, underwear commercials, brand deals. It was a whirlwind as Hollywood found their new boy wonder, handsome, smart and a nice boy.

His best friend, and female love interest in their debut movie, Mikasa, who had followed him to Hollywood on nothing more than a whim, was equally bombarded with fame and fortune. They'd always been close, always best friends, but never quite more, no matter how much they both obviously wanted it. It never progressed beyond a few acted kisses.

Still, they got an apartment together, and Eren had thought it was the start of something great, he was living the dream. Rich and famous with his best friend, the girl he'd secretly loved since he was young.

He'd been content just to stay up late and watch movies with her before work, to visit her on set and bring her donuts. They were Hollywood's shining stars, two kids sickeningly sweet in love even though they weren't officially dating, they were as good as.

At the advice of his agent, he'd started doing more, started picking up a few other gigs on the side, modelling, but he kept it small, he didn't want to overwhelm himself, and he still wanted time for Mikasa.

It had gone well, they'd taken fame okay, and Eren had been proud, neither of them had a sex-scandal or a pregnancy scare yet. They'd even been inching towards finally being something more than just friends, a few heated looks, some on-stage kisses to finally get the ball rolling.

Then Mikasa had been cast in an upcoming romance movie and her love interest hadn't been Eren, it had been Jean.

That had been the start of his spiral.

He'd never meant for it to get so far out of control, how many movies he started doing, how many promotions. Meanwhile Mikasa, smart, brilliant Mikasa stuck with smaller projects and only ever one at a time, preferring to keep close to their apartment. He was all she had, and she was all he wanted.

Nights when I just needed to hold somebody

He misses her, lays in bed awake at night thinking about her, how long it’s been, when was the last time he saw the curve of her face in person and not in a washed-out picture on a magazine. Girls in and out of his apartment, trying to fill the empty void inside him, and nothing works, nothing ever works. Because he’d fucked it up, said he didn’t need her, told her he could do it on his own, fame wouldn’t take him. Called each other names, every one in the book, screaming matches over stupid shit, if he should take that job, what she was doing with Jean, how she was eating, if she was eating enough.

The toxicity was palpable in their apartment until finally Mikasa just left and he broke.

Feeling overwhelmed, should've told somebody

Fame takes him like a drug addiction, actually it comes with a drug addiction, heroine, cocaine, molly, all of it. In trying to ditch his Hollywood’s sweetheart, good boy image he diverts his life so radically he doesn’t know if he can ever get back to where he was. He loses weight, barely gets by, he doesn’t even understand how he’s still getting booked, but people want him even more now that he’s Hollywood’s bad boy. Meanwhile Mikasa is disgraced now that he’s ‘thrown her away’ even though it was the other way around. Last he heard she lived in a little apartment on the upper east side, leaves only to work, and to fly up to see their families. He hasn’t seen his parents in months, doesn’t want to. Doesn’t want to see the look in their eyes when they realize how skinny he’s gotten, how his body lacks muscle, skin barely clinging to bone, gaunt and lifeless.

He needs help, but he’s spiraling, he’s committed and no matter how many times Armin tries to get him into rehab, he never goes. What’s the point Mikasa is gone, he’s not getting her back, all he has now is the money, the drugs, and the women.

Picturin' it's me sending chills through your body

He hears she’s dating Jean now and somehow, he gets worse.

Every fear he’d ever had comes to life and he gets angry, his temper coming back full force. The past few months he’d barely been getting by, not really living, but his rage awakens him. She’d told him no, that they weren’t dating, never so much as kissed outside of work. What a fucking lie.

How many girls he takes home that month he doesn’t know, how many paparazzi photos of women leaving his apartment, how he dreams it’s Mikasa under him, not some rando.

He sees her on the cover of some magazine, walking innocently with Jean and it sends him into even more of a rage, but under it all he wishes it was him, doesn’t matter that they were never official, that it only happened a few times, he wants her back. But Eren’s never been good at navigating his emotions, so he clings to his rage like a lifeline.

I just probably should've chilled 'til I saw you

When they ask about her in interviews, he doesn’t answer. Not until that once, when he lets it slip and he watches Armin wilt in real time from behind the camera as he spits the words, “I think it’s obvious, she’s with Jean now isn’t she, right after she was with me, figure it out yourself.”

The insinuation is lethal, cruel, mean and he knows it’s not true, but he says it anyway. He knows she didn't do it, but still the coincidence hurts too much, the very thought that there might have been something romantic going on with them before makes him want to throw up.

The interviewer looks shocked before he brightens up at the tidbit of information, like a vulture picking apart the last pieces of his heart, massacring it further, but Eren doesn’t mind the pain anymore. It fuels his rage and that’s all he has these days.

How am I supposed to get to know somebody?

When the rage wears off months later and Mikasa has done nothing, no comment on his interviews, no appearances, no angry texts, just silence, he becomes numb. Then the sadness sets in, because losing her romantically isn’t even the worst part, he doesn’t even have his best friend anymore, he’s lost her too.

She’s become a recluse, a hermit, he hasn’t even seen her with Jean on the magazine covers lately. Distantly he knows it’s because their movie is finished filming, and she was probably never dating him in the first place.

He goes to awards shows in hopes of at least catching a glimpse but she’s gone into hiding, there’s rumours she’s back in their hometown, but he’d never visit, not with the disgrace he’s become. He tries to date seriously, tries to talk to other actresses, but it’s all so vacant, disingenuous. All they want him for is his image, there’s nothing real about these women anymore, everything is fake, plastic right down to their boobs. Nothing like Mikasa, who was pure to her core, even in the face of her fame.

If we broke it off then you know it wasn't painless

He'd cried for weeks after she'd ended it, despite it being entirely his fault.

Armin had cancelled all his engagements and Eren hadn't left the apartment, curling himself up on her empty mattress, her room a barren wasteland.

He'd only eaten when Armin forced him too, and only come out of his hibernation after his mother had called to yell, Armin holding the phone right in his ear, the first time he'd spoken to her in forever.

If she got a watch then you know it's not a stainless

He’s got money, but it means nothing. Mikasa has money too, it doesn’t even matter. What has it all been for? He doesn’t even know anymore. All he’s gotten from his acting career is trust issues, more money than he knows what do with and the loss of his best friend and the only girl he’s ever loved.

It’s all a blur now, he acts, he models, he does PR. Armin makes him a schedule and he follows it. They meet with his nutritionist and his personal trainer, and he starts working out again, eating real food, not just smoking, and drinking coffee to supress his appetite.

Armin is the only reason he’s still a functioning human being as Eren hits rock bottom. The only one left to try and push him out.

I was out here fucking fans, I was shameless

He knows he fucked up, it’s why he starts therapy.

The shit he’d done, high off his own fame and arrogance, it’s messed up and he he knows it now. All the girls, all the money and the drugs, ignoring Mikasa’s concerns, dragging her down with him.

He doesn’t blame her now, he knows none of it was fair, she was justified in leaving. They were toxic, their half on, half off relationship, how he'd commit to the drugs but never her.

He can still remember the first time he kissed her, really kissed her, Eren and Mikasa not two characters on screen. It was after their first awards show for their movie, he’d been so excited, so delightfully sober, he couldn’t help himself, she’d been so pretty in her white dress, he’d leaned down before he could stop himself. The first night they’d had sex, her moans, her soft cries of pleasure, nothing had ever measured up since.

It had been bliss, for about a month or so and then they’d really been discovered, and it had all been shot to hell.

All the fans, all the women throwing themselves at him, his eyes couldn’t help but wander despite Mikasa always being the most radiant in the room. He had her love, he’d had everything, but that insidious voice in the back of his head had wondered. Thought the grass was greener on the other side, wanting to explore fame at the same time they’d finally started their relationship.

You was at the crib reading stories that they sent you

They’d kept it casual at Eren’s insistence and Mikasa’s heartbreak, his rock had been willing to allow it for him, for the chance to finally explore their relationship. But he could see how much it hurt her, the tabloids were the worst part, every day a new cover, another apartment he’d leave, another hookup in the parking lot. And he could barely justify it to himself, why he did it, why he continued to do it? He had everything he could ever want in Mikasa, the girl he’d loved since forever, finally in the palm of his hand, willing to give herself wholly to him.

And yet fame had called him more, and the people he was hanging out with only encouraged it, the famous lifestyle, drugs, sex and rock and roll.

Everyone was doing it, so why shouldn’t he?

Most of that was bullshit but some of it I did do

The rumours spiralled out of control after a while, there was nothing he could do, it was over, they had too much on him.

He'd been telling himself lies that maybe she was with Jean on the side, that she had the same opportunities as him, she could go out and sleep around too.

As if Mikasa would ever even consider it.

He’d finally given into being exclusive, seeing the toll it was taking on Mikasa, after Armin smacked him upside the head and told him he was going to lose her if he didn’t get his shit together. Eren had finally realized how irreversibly he was fucking up his relationship, but by then, it had been too late.

When they finally started truly dating, monogamy and all, it had been far, far too late. The backlog of photos the paparazzi had was ridiculous, any opportunity they got to demonize him they took.

He and Mikasa been casual at the time of all the photos, sure, but anyone would buckle under the weight of constant articles about their significant other cheating. Eren became the villain in his own story, and Hollywood loved it, ‘Bad Boy Eren Yeager Ditches Mikasa Ackerman’. He still remembers the headline, it was the straw that broke the camel’s back, she’d come home, dropped the offending magazine on the coffee table and hidden in her room for the rest of the night. He’d slept outside her door, and the next morning he’d been woken by her stepping over him to leave, bags packed.

It was sad, they’d never even officially dated to the public, they hadn’t gotten to that point. She’d wanted to reveal it at some awards show by taking him as her date, thanking him in her speech, her boyfriend, Eren Yeager. Overnight the paparazzi had singlehandedly broken them up for shit he hadn’t even done.

He had no one but himself to blame.

Hard for me to justify the women I was into

Looking back, he can’t say why he did it or what the purpose of all the models that looked eerily like her were for. Maybe he was trying to fill the empty space in his heart, maybe he felt neglected by her friendship with Jean and how obvious the man’s feeling for her were, but for one reason or another, he’d slept his way through about half of the Victoria’s Secret fashion show, and award shows were awkward these days. Meeting the eyes of all the talented women he’d hooked up with in such a professional setting was uncomfortable at best.

How many more did he not even remember, to high off drugs and alcohol and his own ego?

Especially when the whole entire world wished they had you

He’d seen it in how Jean looked at her the first time they’d walked the red carpet as promotion for their movie. The tall man was a b-list actor and he’d been invited to the pre-screening, and he’d watched Mikasa the entire night. His gaze wasn’t moved by Eren’s arm wrapped protectively around her waist or his chin resting on her head, nor the possessive hand on her thigh.

They hadn’t even been fooling around back then, but he couldn’t help himself, he didn’t want Jean’s eyes on her. She was also Mikasa Ackerman, and the whole world thought she was just as beautiful and amazing and perfect as he did.

But she was his. His best friend, love of his life, his everything

If only he’d treated her like it.

Probably made you want to hit the streets on everything

She doesn't take him to the awards show the night he comes begging, but she lets him inside her apartment. Lets him help her with her hair, something he's sorely missed. Something he's familiar with, been braiding her hair since they were kids.

He helps her put it up into a beautiful twist.

And when Jean knocks at her door to take her to the awards show he lets her go, kisses her cheek and tells her how much he loves her, how she's going to win it all and he'll be waiting her when she gets back.

And then she leaves, walks away with another man and Eren thinks he deserves it, it's his penance, how many times has she felt this same way, how many women has he been through?

Probably made you want to pour bleach on everything

He discovers not a single remnant of himself in her apartment, no pictures, no clothes she's borrowed. Even his old sweatshirt, her favourite one is gone. Hell, even their award for best-onscreen-kiss is gone.

He finds it all in a crumpled box under her bed and it's his own fault for snooping, their photo crumpled up and misshapen, riddled with water damage. Probably from her tears if he had to guess.

Probably made you want to kill me on everything

She comes home that night and Eren is surprised, he'd expected her to go to Jean's. Hadn't really believed she was going to come back. Had resigned himself to sleeping on the couch and waiting till tomorrow when she'd come home dishevelled and covered in hickeys and bruises, the kind good sex gives you. The kind he'd never really allowed himself to give her.

That's when she'd really broken and he'd been so fucking happy when she'd thrown her purse at him. No more of her her silent rage, her forced smiles. She'd kicked and screamed, cried in his arms only to hit him brutally with a pillow, chasing him to the end of the couch. Hands restraining his wrists, as she curses him out, tears running down her beautiful cheeks sparkling in the moonlight, she's a vengeful goddess and he deserves every second of her wrath.

She collapses on top of him in a heap of sobs and all he can do is hold her, hating himself just as much as he's sure she does.

Yeah, trust, I know that

He wakes the next morning with her weight in his arms, and he holds her like he never wants to let go.

He's lucky she's even here with him right now, that she didn't kick him out on the spot. That she even cares enough to still fight with him. He kisses her forehead softly, he knows.

Yeah I kinda hate this but whatever have angst 🤷🏻‍♀️

[junova]

never been in love — single dad!steve (headcannon)

pairing: single dad!steve x teacher!reader

abstract: the one where steve likes you a lot and his daughter does too. 

warnings: it gets a lil smutty towards the end (18+) not really tho, this is so much longer than i intended jfc, bucky being kind of a dick, hint of daddy kink, cheating? 

[a/n]: this was totally inspired by @marvelouspeterparker​ post. i read it and it pulled me out of my writers block so thank u ! also this is so unnecessarily long but i have no excuse other than im a hoe for steve rogers?? 

*** gif isnt mine — i forgot creds srry :/

                             -ˋˏ ༻✿༺ ˎˊ-  

oh god this one is going to hUrt me

but can you just imagine when steve really gets to see you, not just in passing as he picks up his daughter

he nearly shits himself because how in the hell had he not noticed you before?

one any given day, he’s right on time to pick up shai

he’s always punctual

— until today

not only was he late, but he was an hour late and in his mess of mind he was fully convinced they’d never let him bring her to the school again

to make matters even worse his phone had died and his cable was nowhere to be found in his dying, old pick up truck

not to mention his sweet little angel, more than likely frightened out of her mind

— but he was so wrong

practically in a full sprint, he quickly made his way to shai’s classroom when he found her perfectly peaceful while she talked with her teacher

even though, she was facing him and could see him she paid him no mind. it didn’t faze her that her father was so late because you had stayed to keep her company

“well, it looks like he finally decided to show up.” shai spoke to you, loud enough so her father in the doorway could her. the edge in her tone pushing sassy all the way through

of course as soon as shai found her way in steve’s arms he profusely apologized and graciously thanked you for staying with her saying he would repay you for it

— and it definitely had nothing to do with how attracted steve was to you. nope. not at all

you dismissed his gesture, it was a delight to be with shai and you told him such but you had a feeling he wouldn’t let it go

— and he didn’t

the very next day, when he dropped shai off and handed you a dozen pastries he had made fresh this morning

the way you gushed over it, cheekbones high and happy over his kindness made steve’s heart swell

they were still warm and you just couldn’t believe he made these with his bare hands

it was easily the kindest gift anyone ever gave you and you told him that too before you could stop yourself

then he just started bringing you a pastry or two every other day, even if you’d refused them the next day he would bring double the amount he brought the day before

you stopped refusing him bc you already felt guilt since he wouldn’t let you pay for a single one

after two weeks, steve asked you out. you weren’t shocked he had, he had been buttering you up but no matter how charming you thought he was you couldn’t.

he was a parent of one of your students and you just couldn’t allow yourself to go there

it wasn’t necessarily against the rules, but it was frowned upon

accepting your rejection with grace and humility he grabbed shai before bidding you goodbye that day

you thought that was the end of it, until you saw him the following friday night at the bar you frequented at

— alone

you wanted to talk to him, the tequila in your system giving you an irresistible urge to but you were on a date with on of your friends’ coworkers

james buchanan barnes

he definitely was a smooth taker, those dazzling blue eyes sparkling like they knew something you didn’t

you really wanted to be interested, he was a loose shape of a man you’d dream about. maybe you could even pretend he was the one you really wanted

not when steve was sitting at the bar, alone.

but you left that thought behind and you convinced yourself you really were smitten with bucky

two weeks later, bucky and you had been on a few dates and he seemed to like you but you knew you had to end things.

whatever little fling you had going on

your heart got more of kick when steve used to bring you pastries in the morning before class than when bucky kissed you after your first date.

then he asked if you would come to his house, he was having a small get together and would love if you’d be there

— reluctantly, you went

bucky’s friends were nice, each one of them making you feel welcomed into their tight circle.

it turned into a better night than you thought and bucky seemed to be super touchy, guiding you onto his lap as you sat around the fire in his patio

natasha, bucky’s long friend since high school, had you all in fits on the stories from the past

everyone was too busy reeling to recognize his presence but you had the to be blind not to

there steve stood gaping at you’d like you were a ghost, certainly surprised to see you perched on bucky’s lap

yep you wanted to just crawl under a whole a stay there forever

“Glad to see you showed up, punk.” Bucky gesturing for him to make his way over to you, even when you pulled at the sleeve of his henley to stop him.

— of course your efforts to tame bucky in did nothing

he grabbed a cold one before making his way to the two of you

and dear god was it as awkward as ever

“Honey, this is my best friend, Steve.” Honey? He had never called you anything besides your name. By the way he pulled you even closer to him made you think there was something else entirely going on.

you certainly didn’t miss the way steve’s jaw clenched or as he held his right hand picking at the piece of bark rather aggressively

“Um, we actually know each other. Shai is in my class, actually.” Feeling rather suffocated by the weight of Bucky’s arms now that the man you felt too much for was here. “Really? I had no idea.”

steve’s eyes nearly bugged out of his head, infuriated. it wasn’t just that bucky knew you were shai’s teacher but he knew just how much steve liked you.

he didn’t shut up about you since he you with his daughter — something inside him changing in an instance

it wasn’t just that he thought you were the most wonderful woman he’d me — shai also raved over you

shai’s mother leaving a gaping whole in her heart she didn’t quite understand at the age of five was filled by you

you were kind to her, your patience never wearing thin as you gave her the attention she deserved

it may be your job but you enjoyed every moment with her and steve noticed

“Oh? She’s the one you would wake up an hour early for to make the pastries?” Bucky blurted out.

he woke up an early just to make those for you?

the way steve looked at the ground, grinding his fingertip against the label of his beer made you want to cry. his neck flaring pink at the embarrassment only made you wish you were in his arm instead

— even more than you already did

“You really should have seen the smile on his face when he came back from the school gushing over how much you liked what he had made.”

Bucky tightened his arm around your waist before saying. “Or when you reject him, I still can’t decide which is better.”

“That’s enough, James.” You tone harsh, before you ripped yourself away.

you couldn’t even look at steve, you don’t think your heart could handle it so you practically sprinted to your car

you needed to get the fuck out of here

until you reached for you keys, but they weren’t in your pocket

“Looking for these?” His hands looping through your keys giving it a twirl. “Star Wars fan?” Steve gesturing to you baby yoda key chain. “Maybe just a tad.”

“Thank you, Steve.” He tried to ignore the jump you ignited in his heart whenever you said his name.

handing your keys, he turned away from you, heading back into the house until you yanked him forward

the force so strong he though he was going to body slam into you before he pushing his weight against the car.....and you

“I’m sorry about, Bucky. I never would have gone out with him if I knew you two were friends.” You admitted while Steve just stood there looking embarrassed.

god did you always have to ruin everything

“I-I just, um, have these feelings for you. These very complicated feelings that make me want to throw every morally sound thought I have to the wind.”

“Which thought did you want to get rid of right now?” Stepping outside of his comfort zone, Steve grabbed your hands and just on instinct alone you cradled his face like it was the most natural act in the world. Like you had done it a thousand times.

“I mean, for one I’m telling myself I shouldn’t be this close to you.” Steve taking you by surprise as he tilted his head to the side, kissing the palm of your hand.

did he really just-

“What else, sweet girl?”

oh, you really were a goner

“I don’t know.” You spoke softly. Admitting to not only him but yourself — you couldn’t think when he was this close to you.

“Oh, but I think you do.” Steve diving right in as he latched his plump lips to your neck. Making whispers of his name drip off your tongue.

before you register what was happening steve had you pressed up against the car, rough hands gripping your thighs as your legs clinged to his slim waist

not to mention the ratio from his broad shoulders to his hips had your pussy drowning more

making you forget why you’d ever rejected him in the first place and he had hardly even touched you yet

then his lips met yours and you knew he had ruined you for anyone else. no one would ever compare to him and not anyone from your past did.

“Holy shit.” You whispered, completely in awe of what Steve was capable of doing to you in a matter of seconds. The proud smirk he wore in great contrast to what he felt back by the fire when he saw your body entangled with Bucky.

“If I ever see you sitting on my best friend’s lap again, I will go fucking crazy. Do you understand?” Steve eyes burning with envy.

“Yes, Daddy.”

brb gonna cry that i don’t have my very own steve rogers rip 

                            -ˋˏ ༻✿༺ ˎˊ-

 tags: @tonystankschild​ @parkastoria​ @kayteewritessteve​ 

[aquariusshadow]

Live!Blogging HSMTMTS s2x8

Well, well, well, who would’ve thought my streaming site would have the episode up early. I can finally get a Live!Blog done at a decent time for once.

Rip Rini. That’s my only prediction for this ep.

Lesss goooooo

--

“napoleon over here” jfc haha

“because winners don’t freak out” good mantra miss jenn

Lets take a shot how many times Ricky says “Nini”—I’m at 2 already with one minute in

Awwwwwwww look at gina giving ej pointers for the dancing

“biggie” idk how I feel about that nickname for big red but you do you Ashlyn

Why am I surprised that this rendition is really good

Big red you’re killing it

To any of yall who remember Unus Annus (memento mori ☹ ) plz tell me you remember their “version” of the gaston song???

Cuz that’s all im thinking about

EJ your voice is so good we’ve been robbed this entire show

Beautiful, absolutely beautiful, well done well done

Awwww poor seb

Tbf I’d probably try that out too ngl haha

We’re already calling ricky ‘you-know-who’ and this show is well known for it’s harry potter references…..yikes

3

Asdlhjsdlhfasdfh

“No offense Ricky, but it’s not all about you.” Daaaaaaaaamn

Ricky

Sir

What are you doing

Why

Aldfaksjdfahsdf

Yes asking people to collab is legit

Yes this could also be some creep

But stop being clingy and obsessive ricky good lord

Oh so NOW he regrets one of his bad choices with nini

4

Hehe portwell smiling at each other all throughout the ep

HFLDKJHGJFGGH

WAIT

ARE WE ADDRESSING IT

EJ LIKES HER HOLY SHIT

AJDFALHSDJFASDLFHASDFJASDFLASDFJASDFHASKFDJASDLFS

I MEAN IT WAS OBVIOUS

BUT I DIDN’T KNOW IF/WHEN/HOW THEY WERE GONNA ADDRESS IT

I stg if my video doesn’t stop glitching imma sue something

Oooooooooo ej’s dad

Oh

Oh no

Ej never told his dad about duke

WAIT

HIS DAD PULLED STRINGS TO GET HIM IN

Sir

Mr sir

Mr fucking sir

Of course he’s one of those parents

Miss jenn does have a strong soprano range I’ll give her that

Poor seb

He just wanted some rehearsal time

5

Honestly ricky I think you can still call her nini

6

Even big red is tired of listening to the same shit with ricky

7

I do feel for the kid but man

Ooooo kourt’s mom

I like how we’re seeing more of the parents

Her mom is so supportive

That’s so nice to see

Yaaay some of their relationship was real afterall

Even tho Howie scuffed up

Yea kourt you tell him

Yea I have a feeling ricky just kinda froze while taking the career apititude test

8

“I did not come home for you” hell yea nini you tell him

Everyone in the restaraunt is just staring lmao

Rip Rini?

I will be very very very mad if they make up at the end of the ep and continue on like nothing happened

Awwwwww Ashlyn made a Big Red career collage that’s so cute

Oooooooooh I see the conflict now ok

Big red you should tell her what you really want

There you go

Look at that communication

Rini take notes

Awwwwww mazzarra made her a lil mini snack/coffee table to help her relax

That’s very sweet

And he’s the only one of her love-interests that actually knows how to HELP her

Man he’s smitten with her isn’t he

Gina’s hair is so pretty here I love it

She smiles every time she sees ej ehehe

And he’s helping her crochet <3

Look at portwell’s communication skills here

Maaaaaaaan

Even tho they are different

Both of them are listening to each other and are still helping each other

While rina had stuff like that in common

Season 2 scuffed them so bad gina was just unhappy

Aka gina’s list on why she likes ej

This is so cute

Jasljdsflhasdf

“you’d see what I-the rest of us see”

Plz don’t play with my heart yall

I wasn’t sure if Gina liked him back romantically or not

Portwell Nation rise up

Ashlyn I love you but whyyyyy did you ruin the momenttttttt

Oh my god

Why are Rini being happy and cute when they JUST blew up at each other

Im so confused

Is that normal for relationships?

To go from a major fight then being super cute and happy like nothing happened????

Ok now we’re talking about it…..

“At YAC I liked who I was there” uh…Nini weren’t you kinda miserable there?

Oooooooooo

Here’s the thing

Right now Ricky is clinging onto the safety feeling

And Nini JUST said she didn’t want to be ‘safe’

Im glad he told her about the insta comment

Are they….are they actually breaking up now?

Alright this is probably the best way they both could’ve ended things

A mutual, understanding, emotion filled break up with no hard feelings

That’s gonna help both of them in the future I think

Assuming the writers don’t throw them back together at the end of the episode

9

My heart does go out to them tho :/

Howie does have a very nice voice

LOOK AT DOMESTIC PORTWELL

GUYS LOOK AT THAT

THAT’S SO CUTE

HE PUT A BLANKET OVER HER LIKE COME ON

SHE FELT SAFE ENOUGH TO SLEEP ON THE COUCH NEXT TO HIM

rina could never at least right now

Ok we got all the ships in this song

Except for Rini

If this is foreshadowing im very content

Awwww ricky ☹

Beautiful Howie

I loved that so much

Great voice

Great ending to an episode

--

Did I actually keep track of how many times Ricky said “Nini” in this episode? Yes, yes I did. It helped me stay more focused ironically enough. Luckily half of those were in conversation with Nini so that wasn’t awful lmao.

So I was right about Rip Rini. Incredible. Hopefully they stay broken up for a while and focus on themselves. RICKERAPY CAN FINALLY SHINE!!!!!

Also, EJ likes Gina confirmed? Portwell nation, how we feelin today?

[gladiatortale]

My DEPRESSION BEATING, fandom obsessing, shit-tastic FANTASTIC year in review!

TL;DR: I’m fixing my mental health and figuring out WHO THE FUCK I AM one fandom filled day at a time! Thank you to everyone who’s been there for me along the way. xoxo

what’s up HEATHENS.

stating the goddamn obvious here, it’s been a HELLUVA YEAR. One emotional rollercoaster after another but we’re ALMOST DONE. I know things aren’t gonna magically get better the second it flips to 00:01 on January first, but I’m excited to put this year behind me, and (SHOCKINGLY) a bit sad to see it go.

It was a year where the whole world completely stopped, we realized what is really important, what is really worth fighting for, and took a GODDAMN SECOND to just breathe.

For me personally, the year (which I’m counting off from November 1st) started out UNBELIEVABLY SHIT. I had just been kicked out of the country I called home for the last four years (thank you Brexit), I had ZERO job prospects, my depression was the WORST it had ever been, and I just didn’t want to get out of bed in the morning. And in the beginning, the pandemic felt like salt in the wound, an extra kick in the teeth to my early twenties that had already “failed to launch.”

But I tried to embrace the madness, really take advantage of the world (that I always thought moved to fast) properly slowing down, and take time to try and become myself again. I wanted to figure out what I loved and try and become a bit more like the person I was before my depression got so bad.

I often say I became that Manic Trash Planet Lady™ you see in sci-fi adventure films; a bit zany to say the least, with a million ideas and a very eclectic fashion sense, but embracing the insanity as it comes...

*cough cough* audrey, get to the goddamn point!

Right. lol. THE POINT IS! 

I’m not 100% “healed”, I’m not sure if I think depression is a “oh look you’re officially cured! hooray!” type of disease, but this year I let myself ENJOY SHIT for the first time in god knows how long. I still don’t know “wHaT i WaNt To dO WiTh mY LiFe”, but I’ve got a better idea and I’m heading in (what feels like) the right direction. And most of all, I can look back and say I am better than where I was a year ago.

So I wanted to say T H A N K Y O U to the mad lads on this website that introduced me to the fandoms, shows, movies, fics... THE SHIT that made me happy this year and were there to be one (BIG) piece in my healing journey.

AND SO, with out further rambling ADO! Here are the highlights of the year marked by my ridiculous hyper-fixations and OBSESSIONS. Thanks for putting up with me ya fiends, xoxox

November 2019  The Arcana (Visual Novel)

I had just gotten home and I was in a LOOOOOOW place. Randomly decided to download this app when it came up and it proceeded to ruin my life (and my bank account...) for pretty much the rest of the year. It was exactly what I needed to get me through a tough time and I was thoroughly, horse-blinders-up-to-the-rest-of-the-world, OBSESSED. These gorgeous magical fiends ruined me and all I could say was thank you.

Joined the fandom: November 2019 Obsession peaked: Late November Obsession faded: December 2019; I started a new job AND my bank statement came in and I realized I had accidentally spent over SIXTY BUCKS on this stupid app. No ragrets, but I definitely started to phase out at that point. Fandom friends: Velma, (@lanavxds on insta) miss you girlie xx Fanfics you NEED to read: ‘Second Mistake’ by DeathBelle on AO3, because DAAAAAYUM SON. Favourite moments: Basically the whole of the Julian arc. That gangly himbo OWNED my ass for a month.

December 2019 Hazbin Hotel (TV Series)

Y’ALL okay here me out. Am I proud of this one? No. Is the show crass as hell? OOOOOOOOHHHH YEAH. Did my angsty ass love it at the end of last year? DAMN STRAIGHT IT DID. Goes without saying, but this is NOT FOR EVERYBODY, but it definitely helped me along the way to becoming more comfortable with myself and being open about being the massive geek that I always was, and watching things I enjoy regardless of what people say about it.

Joined the fandom: December 2019 Obsession peaked: Shortly there after. Fandom friends: None. Dipped one toe in fandom discourse and then promptly YEETED the fuck outta there. Obsession faded: January 2019. Still curious to see the full series if A24 actually ever does produce the whole thing, but I have def moved away from it. Fanfics you NEED to read: Haven’t read any. Maybe I’m a pussy baby piece-o-shit, but I DID NOT want to go down that rabbit hole, NO MA’AM. Favourite moments:

Discovering the Hunicast podcast. These guys are a riot and Ashley is a flustered GEM. Even if you don’t watch the show, go watch an episode of these fucking LADS just dicking about and your day will get better.

Watching the first episode with my partner and watching him realize his girlfriend is a total freak.

January 2020 Lore Olympus (Webtoon Comic)

*Officially* discovered this one thanksgiving weekend in 2019, but my Arcana phase was still raging pretty strong at that point so I didn’t really get in to it until later. EVERYBODY AND THEIR MOTHER NEEDS TO READ IT. It has everything and handles the reality sexual assault and it’s aftermath EXTREMELY well.

Joined the fandom: Late November 2019 Obsession peaked: January 2020 Fandom friends: KELLEY. MA GIRL XOXOXO Obsession faded: June-ish 2020. I’m like 10 chapters behind now, but I still love this story so much. Fanfics you NEED to read: SO MANY ON MY ‘MARKED FOR LATER’ LIST AAAAAH. I have to get to that... NEW YEARS RESOLUTION lol Favourite moments: Having a drunk conversation on New Years Eve in 2019 with one of my oldest friends from high school about how much she loved it too. Helped me see how popular fandom and fandoms, are especially after feeling like I needed to hide my enthusiasm through high school and uni. (THAT WAS A MISTAKE BUT I’LL GET THERE IN A MINUTE).

February 2020 Versailles (TV Series)

SO FUCKING GAY Y’ALL. Oh my god everyone in this show is so gay. Even when they’re not they still are a little bit. AND BEST OF ALL!! it’s very historically accurate (except for the demon satanic nonsense in season 3, what was that???)

Joined the fandom: February 2020 Obsession peaked: Like??? The SECOND I finished episode one. Fandom friends: none... WHERE ARE ALL OF YOU??? Obsession faded: March 2020. It was a fast and passionate love affair, what can I say? Fanfics you NEED to read: IF YOU HAVE RECS, GIVE ‘EM TO MEEEEE. Favourite moments: 

Showing the first episode to a friend of mine and the *ungodly GASP* that came out of her throat was... PRICELESS.

The ENTIRE throuple(???) relationship between the Chevalier, Philipe, and Palatine. PLATONIC/ ROMANTIC LOVE G O A L S.

March 2020 Yuri!!! On Ice (TV Series)

*deep breath* ...y’all knew this one was coming.

Was I ready for this show to ruin my fucking life? No.  Am I so glad it happened??? FUCK YEAH.

NEVER IN MY LIFE have I fallen off the deep end so quickly with a fandom. HOLY SHIT. This blog didn’t have much of an “identity” before, but I you said that this is a Yuri On Ice blog now I wouldn’t even be mad (nor could I really defend myself to the contrary... bc??? like??? just go LOOK at my archive). Craziest thing is I watched the first two episodes like?? a solid TWO YEARS ago, but I didn’t continue watching because I was just not in the right head space for all the love and silliness and positivity.

I could do a whole separate post about how much this show and how this fandom has changed my life (DON’T TEMPT ME I JUST MIGHT). But I’ll stick with the highlights for now ;)

Joined the fandom: March 2020  Obsession peaked: Has it peaked?? Went straight up and it still going lol Fandom friends: Sandra, my mentor, my queen @aeriamamaduck, my fandom ride-or-die. Thank you for taking this internet bby under your wing. RACHEL @idancewiththefairies I TRAPPED YOU HERE. MUAHAHAHA xxx Obsession faded: ON GOING. CAN’T STOP, WON’T STOP. Fanfics you NEED to read: jfc, SO MANY.

‘Until My Feet Bleed and My Heart Aches’ and ‘Of Bright Stars and Burning Hearts’ by Reiya @kazliin​ -- Rivals AU companion pieces. Longest fics I’ve ever read and JESUS CHRIST these two fucking SENT ME. Most popular YOI fics on AO3 for a REASON.

‘Tell Me Where Your Love Lies’ by @aeriamamaduck -- Royalty AU, trope-breaking ABO. Ah sweet, TMWYLL, how you’ve killed me over and over again. This BEAUTIFUL wip has SUCH amazing world-building idk where to start (Congrats on passing 50,000 hits!) EVERYONE GO READ IT.

‘Blackbird’ by sixpences -- WWII/Coldwar Spy Fic. I don’t have enough words to describe how amazing this is. It’s elevated to a higher plane beyond fanfic. Just go read it. Thank me later.

‘Zanka’ by rinsled05 @dreaming-fireflies -- The geisha fic that ruined me. *deep breath* AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH *gasp* I’m fine. lol I sooooo not ready for this fic. Holy hell, Aoyagi had my heart in his hands from the first chapter. “’Please’ [...] ‘Don’t give me hope.’“ FUUUUCK.

‘Echoes’ by Reiya @kazliin -- Future fic. First fic I cried at... BOI. I was NOT ready for this. Shouldn’t be surprised given the author, but MAN. “‘A love like that, a love like what they had together, it never leaves completely.’ Yuri spoke again, eyes still staring out onto the ice, lost in memory. ‘There are always echoes.’” JUST FUCK ME UP.

Favourite moments: Oh good lord, where do I begin??

Having two (count ‘em TWO) main characters with mental health issues (Yuuri and his anxiety and Victor with burn out and depression) and NOT MAKING IT THE ONLY ASPECT OF THEIR PERSONALITY. CLAPS FOR KUBO AND YAMAMOTO!!

Everything about Yurio (ESPECIALLY HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH YUUKO AND HIS GRANDPA), that tsundere motherfucker is too pure for this world.

THE KISS. THE PROPOSAL. MY HEART WASN’T READY. AAAAAH!!

This fandom *properly* introducing me to smut on AO3...

Thinking I was going to get Rachel to like the show... NOT being prepared for her to fall off the deep end and START LIKING REAL SKATING TOO!!

Staying up waaaaaay too late waaaaaay too often to plan out plot points for TMWYLL with Sandra. Love ya dearie.

The warm fuzzy feeling I get every time I think about Victor and Yuuri.

April 2020 Bungou Stray Dogs (TV Series)

I had a hunch I was gonna like this show considering ALL of the characters are based off of famous classic authors from around the world... what I was NOT prepared for was just HOW MUCH I was going to love it. HOLY SHIT. The art style? Love it. The plot?? Bonkers, but so fun. THE VOICE CAST??? AMAZING. Highly recommend to anyone who wants to get in to anime, great place to start.

Joined the fandom: April 2020 Obsession peaked: Probably this summer? But we have DEF plateaued in a VERY high place. Fandom friends: FIJI. MA BOIIIII @lil-1nsane  Obsession faded: Hasn’t. Hope it doesn’t Fanfics you NEED to read: So so so many. The smut in this fandom is *chef’s kiss*, but here are a few...

‘He Works Hard For the Money’ by CataclysmicEvent @cataclysmicevent2019​ -- Sugar Daddy AU. FUCK MAN. I was not expecting to like this one, but bloody hell. This fic grabbed me by the throat and WOULD NOT let me go. Praying for chapter 16! But the author is working on another STELLAR fic so I’m okay for now.

‘Everything or Nothing’ by CataclysmicEvent @cataclysmicevent2019​ -- University AU. FUCK THIS FIC. Started reading it as I was waiting for HWHFTM to update and BOI, this fic ROCKS. The alternating POV fits so well with the enemies/idiots-to-lovers vibe. Solid 10 outta 10.

‘The City Where Wind Blows’ by @raven-rein​ -- Cancer Death fic. *pained shriek* AAAAAAGUUUUUUUHHHH *gasp* aaaaaaAAAAAAHHHHHHHH, FUUUCCCCCCCCCKKKK MEEEEE. THIS FIC. Only the second fic I’ve ever cried to but I BAWLED MY GODDAMN EYES OUT. FUUUUUUUCK. I was not ready, never would have been ready. This is so tremendously well done, it killed me so beautifully, 

‘Haunted by Hatred’ by DeathBelle -- Canon compliant Soukoku. It is a CRIME that DeathBelle doesn’t have more BSD fics on her page, but this one is still brilliant.

Favourite moments:

THE CHUUYA-DAZAI MAFIA REUNION TEAM UP WHEN THEY FIGHT LOVECRAFT. Ooof. BOI. We love it.

The first three episodes. Soooo many break neck plot twists.

Every insane hypothetical conversation with Fiji.

Every time Atsushi or Tanizaki is on screen bc I LOVE THESE LIL BEANS.

June 2020 Trash Taste (Podcast)

Goddamn I love these chaotic lads so much.

As I became more and more comfortable with myself and my love for anime I stumbled upon these three goons, -- Joey, Connor, and Garnt, -- best known for there SUPER successful (mostly) anime YouTube channels. Even if you don’t watch anime, WATCH/LISTEN TO THIS PODCAST. The focus is mostly on their lives and the overall expat/immigrant experience, with a bit of anecdotal anime references sprinkled in. 

This show is both wholesome and heathenous in equal measure, and after having lived abroad for a significant portion of my (admittedly still quite short) life, it was such a breath of fresh air to hear people talk so openly about how living outside your home country is both wonderful and terrifying. They’re wonderfully candid about the fact that even if you love a place dearly, no where is perfect, and you WILL hate somethings about your new home even if the majority of the experience is fantastic. I cannot rate this show highly enough.

Joined the fandom: June 5th 2020, loved it from the first episode. Obsession peaked: July maybe? I was RELIGIOUS about watching the episodes as soon as they came out. Still watch every week, but less “on time.” Fandom friends: None :( but I have tricked my partner in to listening several times :) Obsession faded: It’s dimmed from where it was, but still going strong. Fanfics you NEED to read: NONE. NEVER PLAN TO. Hard and fast rule, I don’t read fics about real people. Characters played by real people, even that’s a maybe for me. But real-real people? FUCK NO. (some of my) Favourite moments:

Any time Garnt and Connor get into a big-brain-monkey-brain argument and Joey is just LOSING his GODDAMN MIND in the corner.

Bringing a retired Japanese porn star in the show for an honest conversation about consensual sex work and showing people can have more than one career in life.

Everything about the, ‘Are Online Friends Real Friends?’ episode. GO WATCH IT, it’s brilliant.

Garnt making “chotto-THE-FUCKING-matte” an expression

August 2020 Great Pretender (TV Series)

Spent most of the summer marinating in my BSD and YOI bubbles, until THIS BAD BOI came up on my Netflix recommendations. HOOOO BOI. This is some Anime Of The Year shit right here. Has a pretty original concept (Catch Me If You Can by way of Oceans 11-ish) but generally starts out like most other shounen (sans the super powers). AND THEN EPISODE FIVE HAPPENS. Not gonna spoil it but they TOOK THAT SHIT UP A NOTCH. Brilliant, even with a bit of an insane ending. GO WATCH THIS ONE.

Joined the fandom: August 2020 Obsession peaked: Pretty much as soon as I started watching it. Fandom friends: What’s up Fiji ;) @lil-1nsane Obsession faded: Naturally faded, but so glad I watched Fanfics you NEED to read: None so far! Little scared about this one, heard mixed reviews, but maybe someday. Favourite moments:

Edamame’s “madness arc” at the end of season 2. HOOOO BOY.

Laurent getting fucking WRECKED when Edamame punches him mid way through season 2, kills me every time.

Introducing my partner to anime with this show.

October 2020 Attack on Titan (TV Series)

RETURN OF THE KING. lol

In my quest to find an anime that I can watch with my partner, I turned on season 1 of this bad boi. Holy hell I forgot how much I loved this show, NO WONDER everyone lost their goddamn minds when this show first aired. I NEED to catch up before all the season four spoilers come to get me...

Joined the fandom: Winter 2016 Obsession peaked: Basically as soon as I started watching it. Fandom friends: None yet, but I know you’re out there... Obsession faded: 2017, JUST BEFORE SEASON TWO... I should have stuck around longer I know, but it’s slowly coming back. Reeeeeally need to catch up on seasons two, three, and four. Fanfics you NEED to read: GIVE ME YOUR RECS HEATHENS. Favourite moments:

Watching my partner FREAK OUT about Eren’s “death.”

EVERYTHING ABOUT POTATO GORL! lol

Getting in a conversation with a die hard fan after I hadn’t watched it in three years and saying... “Who’s that blond bitch that cries all the time?”/ “Armin?”/ “THAT’S THE ONE!”

November 2020... kind of. Figure Skating (Sport)

Okay this one is a bit hard to explain. 

I have been a DIE HARD figure skating for A LOOOOOONG time. My grandmother got me a hat from the 2002 Olympics in Salt Lake City and I remember watching even then. But I first became consciously aware of different skaters, my faves, etc. from about 2010. I vividly remember watching Plushenko skating in 2014 while on a school trip to Hawaii, and my friends laughing at me as I yelled at the TV.

But I didn’t TRULY get involved in the fandom side of it until this year. I had all this knowledge bottled up, but didn’t have any skating friends to talk to... UNTIL NOW. Super ironic that this happened in a year with almost NO skating, but I’ll take what I can get ;) Also did I stay up until FOUR-GODDAMN-THIRTY IN THE MORNING a few nights ago to stream Japanese Nationals on my phone??? YOU BET I DID.

Joined the fandom: Three times; 2002, 2010, and 2020. Obsession peaked: 2014? 2018? Idk it peaks any time someone does something amazing. Fandom friends: Rachel, my girl @idancewiththefairies​, WHY DIDN’T I INTRODUCE YOU TO THIS SOONER??? Obsession faded: Hasn’t. Won’t. lol Fanfics you NEED to read: NOPE. NONE. NOT GONNA HAPPEN. No fanfics about real people. Never gonna change that. (some of my) Favourite moments:

Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir doing THAT routine at the 2018 Olympics.

Rachel​ sheepishly admitting to me that Shoma may have replaced Yuzu as her favourite, and me being SO DAMN PROUD of her for growing and developing her own skating opinions apart from me.

Yuzu’s 2012 ‘Romeo and Juliet’ routine and Worlds. THE RAW FUCKING POWER OF THAT SKATE.

Plushenko, cheeky bastard, changing his 2014 Team Event routine AS IT WAS HAPPENING.

The worlds friendliest rivalry between Yuzu and Nathan.

Any thing the Shibutani’s do, and all they do to break up the stereotype that all of Ice Dancing has to be rOmAnTiC and SeNsUaL to be good.

Watching my early faves become coaches and the D R A M A.

Honorable Mentions:

Coco (Film): I watched this the weekend I came home and I owe this movie a lot. It is so sweet an heartwarming, and it a roundabout way it brought me back to Tumblr (needed somewhere to vent my feelings considering I watched the movie a solid THREE YEARS after it came out, Tumblr seemed like the place to go lol). Watched in again in 2020 and it’s just as amazing.

Jekyll and Hyde (All media): Loved this book from the first time I read it in my first year of uni. But in December 2019, my fandom understanding reached its PEAK. The musical?? The comic?? YOOOOOO.

Dear Evan Hansen (Musical): I have BARELY engaged in fandom discourse, but the MUSIC. She fucking SLAPS.

Sirius the Jaeger (TV Series): This show is such an underrated gem. It literally has so much; "dead” family drama? Eclectic international group of monster hunters? Cowboys and vampires?? Yes, yes, and YES. And the main character has the same Japanese voice actor as Atsushi from BSD!

Studio Ghilbi (Films): My love affair with Ghibli goes back to when I was about 5 and BEGGED my mom to take me to the library so we could rent Kiki’s Delivery Service on DVD. But that love has been FULLY rejuvenated this year when I went to the Ghibli Film Festival in New York City (ironically in the last week in February). If you haven’t seen them, go watch From Up On Poppy Hill, Whisper of the Heart, and The Wind Rises. Spoilers, you’re probably gonna cry.

If you’ve made it this far, THANK YOU FOR READING! 

And thank you to all the amazing people that made my 2020 not so horrible. Good riddance 2020, don’t let the door hit you on the way out!

[eddiemunsonssoulmate]

Make love, not war: The anti- OBX drama edition

Okay kids, listen up.

I’m too old for all of this drama and I’ve been on this hellsite for way too long to just keep watching it in silence so this is gonna be my only, long ass post about this mess that has occured/is occuring. I’m trying to get my thoughts out and and maybe talk some sense into the last three braincells some people have left.

These are my thoughts. My opinion. It’s totally fine if you disagree but if you feel strongly offended or called out by this, you might be part of the problem.

I’ve been watching the drama for a while now and normally I’m just someone who’s on the quiet side, grabbing a box of popcorn and watching how y’all tear each other to pieces but seriously? 

Some of you really need to get a life.

Fandom life isn’t always easy, fandom life can be messy, some people are not what they seem, yadda yadda.

But seriously, did you lose all the respect you had when you’ve signed up on this website or social media in general?

First: The Rudy “drama”

Someone, a really sweet and nice to everyone person, stated a theory based on an anon ask who based their ask on a social media website. A theory. A worst case scenario of what might have happened. They wanted to be nice and answer to every anon they’re getting but guys. 

Guys.

It was a theory. A mere idea of what might have happened because someone asked, nothing else. It was not facts, there was no evidence and the ask that caused all of this was not based on facts either. It can totally be fun to speculate about things. You’re allowed to believe what you want. Rudy’s a dick, Rudy’s a sweet angel, Rudy is a blue alien in disguise, everyone is allowed to have an opinion on something but oh my god.

Don’t make facts out of theories. 

Don’t look at three emotes and be like “oh my god they have to be dating!”

Don’t make a drama out of two actors not liking each other’s posts on Instagram like what the heck.

When did Social Media take over your life so much that you interpret everything in those little things? There’s a real life out there, ya know?

We don’t know anything for a fact so let it go. Wait until someone says something official which probably won’t happen.

More importantly, stay out of actors' private lives as much as you can. Seriously. You’re welcome to state your opinion about them, make theories, stuff like that but tbh, it’s better to stay out of it because at the end of your day, it’s none of our business. Celebrity stalking is not and never will be cool. Don’t waste your time and energy of trying to figure something out they clearly don’t want you to see. Best example for this are like, baby news.

I know it can be exciting to figure stuff out. I know you can be totally curious because you like that person and want to find things about their life but don’t blow it out of proportion.

Actors are humans. Actors are not their characters. They have their own private life and if they want to share, that’s cool. If not, then that’s also cool. And tbh, the OBX cast is feeding us a lot more way more than other actors from other shows/movies, god bless them.

But who the fuck do you think you are that you’re sending them, the actors or the people talking about it, hate based on a simple theory on a website that has a life on it’s own and things that happen on here should stay on here? That’s not cool, it’s a shame for other people in the fandom. Why would you want to make a person feel bad because I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t like to feel this way either.

They’re grown ups, they can do what they want. You don’t have to like it but for the love of god:

Have some respect for a human being.

Second: The Chase Thing aka #chasestokespartyisover

That last sentence totally applies here too.

Have respect for a human being.

Boy made a tweet over ten years ago where he said something that was problematic. Was that cool? No. Did he apologize? Yes. Is it time to let it go? Totally. Was his hacking excuse true or not? WE DON’T KNOW.

You know what’s not cool tho? Some people taking their time to scroll down TEN YEARS AND MORE on a timeline to get some tea on them that you can use and complain about.

I know quarantine can get boring but jfc guys. There are more things to life than obsessing over an actor, ya know.

We all said shit in our youth, that’s a fact but people change. They grow. Don’t compare a teenage boy with a grown ass man.

You know what’s also totally 100% not acceptable? People photoshopping fake screenshots to show what a big mean white boi Chase is, trying to fuel the fire of hate. What the fuck is wrong in those minds?

Cancel Culture is a toxic phenomenon that should be the only thing getting canceled. You can’t cancel people, ya know. It’s fucking toxic to say something like that and just...don’t, man. I barely have any words left to describe this stupid thing.

Make love, not war. Spread love, not hate.

Fandom is not a place to rip each other to pieces. Not everything in this world is about race, sex/gender or problematic things. Just because someone doesn’t reblog a lot about Madison it’s mostly not because of racism or because she’s queer. Sure, that’s probably the case for some people but you know, those people aren’t worth it then.

Fandom is not a place that should spread hate around, especially not on anon, sending people asks filled with hate. There’s a bunch of younger kids on here, especially in the OBX fandom from what I’ve seen so far and it’s not okay to tell a 15 year old girl to tell her to go kill herself because she likes Rudy more than JD or shit like that. It’s never okay to something like that but it hits the younger ones even harder. Maybe it’s their first fandom and people ruin that experience on the spot, feeling powerful while on anon.

Fandom should be a place where we come together and have fun. Make friends and share things. Gifset, fanfics, theories about the new season, things like that. It should be a place to freak out over new teasers, new pictures from the set, the cast sharing stuff on their platform of choice and just things we enjoy.

There are different ways to block and blacklist on Tumblr, especially if you’re using it in a browser on your laptop/pc. Use that to block toxic people, tags you don’t wanna see and create your own little bubble where you’re happy in. Do this in case you feel uncomfortable with some people around here, so you only see what makes you happy.

Please remind yourself about the fact that behind all those blogs, there are real people. People who all have their own lives, own opinions, own ideas. Same goes for actors. They’re not there for your personal entertainment, they don’t have to share their complete private life with you. They’re human, just like you and me and it’s unacceptable to send them hate, no matter what they’ve done. You don’t have to like them but keep it to yourself or talk about it with friends, I don’t give a shit but leave it out of their sight.

Please remind yourself that we want to have a good time here and especially during times like these where we spend more time on here than we probably should *laughs*

If you made it to the end, thank you for your attention and taking your time and remember:

Be nice to each other, the world is cruel enough.

-Captain out.

[glittercracker]

Kingkiller Crap

So, I’ve never really posted much here that involves my own thoughts. There are a number of reasons why, but whatever. I feel the need NOW to post some thoughts, and having no working independent blog (yet!) I suppose this is the place to dump them. PSA: none of this is about anime. None of this is frivolous or fun. TW for sexual abuse. You have been warned! So. I’ve been rereading the Kingkiller Chronicles. aka “Name of the Wind” and “The Wise Man’s Fear” and “That Other One That Shall Not Be Named.” This reread was, at the beginning, almost an afterthought. A way to keep my 13 yo happy on a 7 hour car ride. Except, he could not have cared less, and I got sucked back into the story (and okay, if that is how all our audiobook car rides go, meh? At least it keeps me sharp!) I raced through book one, and bought book 2 on audible with an eye to my upcoming surgery and recooperation. Book one was problematic in the places I remembered, but also as generally engaging as I remembered. And then book 2 happened, and surgery happened, and I have had weeks to lie in bed listening to this bloody interminable sequel, and I find myself lost in a morass of, “WTF was I ever THINKING?” Namely, how did I ever love this book enough to pine for the next? It’s been hard to put a finger on exactly what is making this time through book 2 both a slog and also vaguely, creepily uncomfortable, but if you’re interested, my rather stream-of-consciousness ramble of thoughts ensues. First, the male gaze that rears its head at times in book 1 predominates here. But while I don’t love the way Kvothe describes women, I also have 2 degrees in literature, and I’m beyond that being a reason not to read an otherwise engaging book. Second, Kvothe is a Gary Stu, for all of Rothfuss’s protestations to the contrary. Again, so far, so much traditional high fantasy. But while, say, Aragorn is content to just quietly be Awesome At Everything, Kvothe is a braggy little shit of a Gary Stu: the person you hated for announcing their perfect scores in that hs class you could never quite master. I could fill several pages with examples, but for some reason what really made me want to kick him in the head was not Felurian’s disbelief of his virginity (though really, jfc, REALLY?) Nope, it was the end of his time w the Ademrae (sp may be off, remember, I’m listening not reading!) when he crows about having learned the history of his sword 2 days earlier than expected. Why does this stick out? Oh, idk. Maybe bc he sucks so hard he can’t even get past the first obstacle in his practical final exam? Yet he still has to tell us how fucking awesome he is for remembering 6000 names of previous owners.

I know, I’m supposed to forgive his teenage idiocy. The internet sympathists (no pun intended!) keep telling me this. And I suppose that I would, IF this were a simple first-person narrative - but it isn’t. Let’s repeat that, and really think about it. This story is being narrated by an older and presumably wiser Kvothe who has lost everything - whose abilities have been expunged to the extent that he can’t open his own chest of Cool Stuff. He shows humility in his actions, mostly. And yet when discussing his 16 yo self, the humility evaporates, and he speaks with no kind of perspective or lens of accrued wisdom. He still compares women to instruments waiting for the “right” player (i.e. him) and defends this choice of words by saying, essentially, “You aren’t a musician, you don’t know!”

Interesting assumption for an innkeeper in a medieval-esque world. Interesting assumption if this is in fact authorial interjection, too, because I suspect the majority of this book’s audience *are* musicians to at least an extent, and I also suspect that the majority of us (yes, us - I own several beloved instruments, including a harp custom made for me as a wedding present from my husband) would not equate a human lover to even the most beloved of instruments.

But all of this is well-trodden critical ground. As far as I can tell, though, my third issue isn’t: although it’s perhaps the most glaringly tone-deaf example of all of Rothfuss’s excruciatingly tone-deaf portrayal of his world’s women. Namely, the two girls kidnapped and gang-raped by the fake Ruh.

Almost all of the criticism I’ve read on this section of TWMF concentrates on Kvothe’s treatment of the girls’ abusers. What’s interesting is that no one ever seems to write about Kvothe’s treatment of the girls themselves. Yes, he treats them kindly. He tends their wounds, he feeds them, he tries (and succeeds, of course) to draw Ellie out of her shocked stupor. 

Yet what he never once does, from the moment he takes control of the situation, is ask their opinions on any of this, including what their next step should be. He just decides to bring them back to their families - families who, in this type of society, might well disown them for being “ruined”. And the girls themselves, namely the intelligent and savvy Krin, seem to go blindly along with what he says. Why? Would Krin at least not question this, or object to his making decisions for her, when a group of men had so recently and brutally taken away all of her agency? Would she not question whether being brought back to her family is the best thing for the catatonic Ellie?

Okay, apparently not. So they return to their apparently very forgiving town. Kvothe stands up for the girls against the village shithead: thank you, Kvothe, bc I’m sure Krin could not have said those words herself. He assures the reader that they are with people who will love and care for them despite what has happened to them: thank you, Kvothe, though it’s stretching my credulity a bit that you would assume that no one will take issue with their deflowering. But then he “gifts” the girls the spoils of his slaughter: the horses, the valuables, the wagons. And I was about to give him a (grudging) pass for being decent about this, EXCEPT: he goes on to say that these goods are meant for the girls’ dowries. Specifically, to make them worth enough financially for potential husbands to overlook their loss of virginity. He even tells Krin not to settle for a less-than-lucrative marriage.

And suddenly, I was outraged. Why? Because a man who had witnessed the full extend of these women’s abuse brought them back to a backwater town believing that he was being magnanimous both in doing so, and in giving up whatever share he might have taken of the spoils of the debacle to make them financially lucrative marriage prospects. Because he never asked these traumatized girls if they might rather cut and run with the money than use it to make some man overlook their abuse in order to make them his property. He never even questions the idea that they will be grateful to submit to marriage contracts that will no doubt require them to have sex with their husbands, even though these women have been abused to the extent that they cannot sit a horse for *two days* after being rescued. And the worst part is that 20-something frame-story Kvothe doesn’t question this either; he just goes on to gloat about people singing songs about his daring rescue. Maybe I was just ready for a straw to break my benefit of the doubt. Or maybe this really is as outrageous as it feels. Either way, I can’t help being angry at Rothfuss. As a writer, I am very well aware that character and author are not the same thing; that authorial intent is not the same as authorial beliefs. But there are moments in some books when I have to wonder if that line is blurring, and this is one of them. Kvothe has literally JUST left a female-dominated country full of independent women happily doing their own thing. He has given these girls the means to find themselves a situation that will never require them to be beholden to a man again - even houses ffs, in the shape of those 2 wagons, should they want them. There are so many options beyond marriage: I can’t, for instance, think of a medieval society that didn’t have its version of a convent. Or, for Krin at least, why not the University? For that matter, why not marry her himself, and then set her free to do as she likes under the awning of a respectable marriage? 

Instead he returns them to their fathers, and likewise gives their fathers the means to marry them off with no argument. Who, after all, holds the reins of the horses at the end? Why does Kvothe assume that these families will actually use the wealth even in the dubious way that he recommends?

And in this, I think, I am justified in giving Rothfuss the stink-eye. This is one more instance for Kvothe to play the hero with no real attention given to the consequences. Kvothe himself, I think, would be appalled. He has suffered so much deprivation in his life, so often been marginalized, scapegoated, powerless, how on earth could he so easily consign others to that fate? How could he think, loving Denna as he does, having heard her words to the beaten girl in Severin, that buying these girls husbands who will “overlook” their abuse for the sake of wealth is anything but a wretched life sentence for them?

Sigh. There was a time when I desperate awaited book three. Now, given the other women’s lives at stake in this series, I’m not so sure I want to know.

[sadaveniren]

Annual Writing Evaluation 2020

Ssssssh I know it’s the beginning of January. I’m late. I was tagged by @daggerandrose​ and @lululawrence​ to do this. They were two slightly different ones so I just... Mashed them together. Whoops

1. List of Stories published this year: Did you let him leave a necklace (yup)

Fellowship of Eroda

Can we pretend (honestly reality bores me)

Tastes like strawberries

Just for tonight (I can be yours)

Fun time candles

The animals play

Knife’s edge

You’re outta control (what is your mind)

When you’re good to mama (he surprises you)

One shot two shot (you and me)

Clean up, clean up (everybody have some fun)

So wonderful and warm

Here comes the men in black (my soulmate)

Here to stay (here to play)

The happiest season

2. Word count posted for the year: 161,374 (jfc)

3. Fandoms I wrote for: One Direction

4. Pairings: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson

5. Story with the most:

Kudos: Taste Like Strawberries

Bookmarks: Just For Tonight (I can be yours)

Comments: The Happiest Season

6. Work I’m most proud of (and why):  That’s tough. I know in another post I was like EVERY FIC I POSTED WAS A VICTORY and that’s true. I think I’m most proud of Here to Stay (here to play) because for an entire month every night I sat down and wrote start to finish a whole fic. Sure some of those Fics were 400 words but listen... I come from fandom of old where there were the 100 fic challenges and even trying to write 100 word Drabbles is HARD. You’re making a whole story every day and it felt good! I felt accomplished!!

7. Work I’m least proud of (and why): I really really wish Here Comes the Men in Black (my soulmate) had come out different. I had much bigger plans and they got scrapped and I just. Wish things had gone different. But I was writing it as I struggled with the dreaded 4 month sleep regression which lasted TWO WHOLE FUCKING MONTHS AND I DID NOT GET MORE THAN 4 HOURS OF SLEEP AT A TIME FOR TWO WHOLE MONTHS AND GOD IT WAS THE WORST SLEEP DEPRIVATION IS A SERIOUS HEALTH CONDITION. So the biggest thing to fall away during that time was my writing. And that fic sadly suffered because of it 😔

8. Share or describe a favorite review you received: Every reviewer who commented during Kinktober and said that they weren’t usually a fan of the kink of the day but they trusted me enough to give the chapter a shot. A special shoutout to those who tried the rape fantasy chapter because of that trust.

A special SPECIAL shoutout to the asshole who asked me to tag every time I wrote girl direction for kinktober and told me they refused to read any of the chapters on the off chance I surprised them with a vagina or something.

9. A time when writing was really, really hard: Literally all fucking year. March-April-May was a particularly fuzzy time for me. I think any writing I got done was on my phone, half asleep, with my fingers cramping

10. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you: Louis in Fellowship to Eroda was a lot of fun to write. That fic overall was really fun to write because I got to include a lot of DND stuff and some of my favorite dialogue was there.

11. A favorite excerpt of your writing: From You’re Outta Control (what is your mind)

“You wanna ride daddy’s cock?”

The train was barreling along and Harry knew he didn’t have much time to make his decision. He quickly nodded.

Louis made quick work of unzipping his fly and turning Harry around so his back was facing his chest. He pulled him back by his hips and settled him down on his cock.

They both moaned at the sensation, and being so exposed. And then they started to fuck. It was wild, erratic, and desperate.

“Just think,” Louis groaned, “if I had an alpha cock. How we wouldn’t be able to do this if I knotted you.” Harry’s breath caught and he wiggled his hips. “Or maybe we would. You stuck on my knot through fuck knows how many stops. People coming and going. Seeing you there. Squirming like a little slut.”

Harry gasped. His mouth hung open as he tried to suck in air and ride Louis’ cock at the same time.

“Louder,” Louis demanded. His voice was beginning to sound strained. “Want your moans to fill up the whole car.”

It took effort but Harry was helped along when Louis reached around and wrapped his fingers around his cock. Then he moaned and it echoed in the empty train car.

“That’s right. Fucking yourself on daddy’s omega cock. So much better than some alpha’s knot isn’t it?”

“Daddy,” Harry whined. He bounced faster, eyes closed. He knew if he didn’t come before the next stop he wouldn’t be able to stop and anyone who came onto the car would see.

“Think how much come you’d have to hide if I was some alpha. It would leak out. Drip onto the floor.” Harry gasped. He was so close and his cunt squeezed around Louis’ cock as he tried to pull Louis with him. “Instead you’ll be pumped full of my omega seed-“ Louis’ voice cut off as he came, pulling Harry down flush against his hips as he came in him.

Harry watched as his own cock squirted come onto the floor and he cried out in embarrassment and lust.

The train was still running as they both caught their breath and it only started to slow down for the next stop as Louis edged Harry off of his cock. Harry could feel the mix of his slick and Louis’ come starting to slide out of him as Louis pushed him to the ground.

“Clean daddy off,” Louis said. His fingers tangled in Harry’s hair as he pulled Harry’s mouth to his slick covered cock.

The train was slowing down. Harry’s heart was pounding in his chest as he got to his knees. He caught Louis’ eye. The lights from the station were starting to filter in through the window. Louis squeezed his fingers in his hair.

“What are you waiting for? These are expensive trousers and I don’t want your slick ruining them.” Harry could see the stain his slick had already left around the zipper of Louis’ trousers. “Clean me off.”

They jolted to a stop and the doors hissed open. Harry wrapped his mouth around Louis’ cock, licking him clean. He spread his legs as Louis’ come leaked out of him and onto the floor.

The doors dinged, singling they were closing and Louis pulled his mouth off of him. Harry stared up at him from where he was kneeling on the ground and Louis smiled.

“There’s a good omega. Come sit up next to me.”

Harry looked around. The car was still empty. His entire body sagged from adrenaline and he turned to kiss Louis. “We would have been in so much trouble if we’d been caught.”

12. How did you grow as a writer this year: I lost…. a lot of fucks. I used to agonize about the fics I put out, and I still did, but this year I waded through writing a lot of stuff that normally I wouldn’t just because I didn’t feel ~motivated~ that day. But between Kinktober, and my advent fic, and just, forcing myself to finish fics even when I felt uninspired, I produced a lot more than I planned and that’s really important to me! But it also means that I learned to let fics go a lot earlier.

13. How do you hope to grow next year: Continue to just… write. I don’t have any big things I want to work on. Maybe crafting overall non-romantic plots? I’m trying that out for my big bang…. we’ll see how that goes.

14. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc): @lululawrence​ and @londonfoginacup are literally my rocks in writing at this point. They were so helpful while I cried about not being able to finish any fics ever, and reminded me constantly to be kind to myself. Jenna and @becomeawendybird were also just so so encouraging and I think without them I would be absolutely lost.

15. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year: lol. Yes. Next.

16. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers: write smut horny, edit after. (or don’t like… fuck it no one reading your smut is gonna care when they’re getting off to it)

17. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year: I’m focused on my big bang which I hope people will enjoy. And then… Man if I could finish my eternal WIP that would be EXCELLENT. But who knows!! Maybe a plot bunny will hit me.

18. Tag some writers whose answers you’d like to read. I think everyone has done this cause I’m late. Whoops.

[officially-dumb]

2, 4, and 15 for a fic of your choosing!

From this

2.) Tell us about what you’re most looking forward to writing – in your current project, or a future project

I’m writing something focused on Hawks’ early childhood and how if affects him as an adult rn, and I’m honestly really enjoying writing anything with Tomie in it right now. I think she’s incredibly interesting and I think her relationship with Hawks is really fun to dig into.

4.) Share a sentence or paragraph from your writing that you’re really proud of (explain why, if you like)

“Good, ‘cause I’m no snitch. How’s it going, All Might? Retirement treating you well? You look like you’ve lost some weight.” He grabs one of the office chairs, spinning it around before settling in it backwards. “I’ve been thinking about trying it out for myself, you know.” He tilts his head to the side, seemingly thinking. “Retirement, that is. Not the weight loss. Can’t ruin my modeling career, after all.” The burned skin on the left side of his face pulls tight as he grins.

Ahaha, this is from sooner, and I really just think it embodies everything I was trying to show about Hawks’ headspace for that fic. He’s basically flipping a verbal bird to the HC Pres, sniping at AM over his retirement, and bringing their attention to his injuries and ruined future (which he lowkey blames them both for, however subconsciously). All while playing up the jokey bit.

“Take it easy, man. I’m just trying to get to know you. Figured we shouldn’t be total strangers if we’re going to work together.”

“We don’t need to discuss costume choices to complete our mission.”

Hawks sighs loudly. “Fine. Didn’t realize you had such a stick up your ass.”

Shinya counts down from ten in his head. Hawks is young. He needs patience and understanding. 

“Can you at least explain the hair to me? I can’t tell if you have a mullet or a mohawk.”

Or maybe he just needs to get the shit knocked out of him.

Lmao this one isn’t finished yet, but it’s about Edgeshot and Hawks’ first mission together (when Hawks is 18) and I’m just having a lot of fun writing their dialogue right now.

15.) Which is harder: titles or summaries (or tags)?

TAGS. Jfc, TAGS. I live in mortal fear of undertagging something, and I don’t even have any particularly mature fics. I think most of my stuff is literally just tagged with character names, the relationship, and character study lol. I can never think of anything else to include.

[danwylds]

Ocean at the end of the lane au (but you don’t have to read the book)

Once again I’m writing bullet point fics

If you haven’t read the book uh. this shit is wild

It starts with Neil going to his childhood hometown (I guess Baltimore then? Not really a lotta places here for this story to take place tho) for a funeral

I literally don’t care who died

He’s walking around town, just thinking abt his life growing up and being angry

He deserves to be

Anyways he remembers the one good thing about growing up here, and it’s Andrew Minyard, the boy who said the pond behind his house was really an ocean

Neil thinks about him and finds himself at the minyards house

He kinda looks around, realising that maybe he shouldn’t of showed up randomly

But it doesn’t matter, bc Nicky Hemmick sees him

He and Nicky walk together to the pond and it’s nice

Neil starts thinking about the time a man who worked for his father stole Nathan’s car and committed suicide in the back seat, after gambling away Nathan’s money

He was around 15 or so during that time

I’m pulling number out of my ass rn

but hdbcnndjd it lets a spirit show up to neils world like hey,, how y’all doin?

Because of the reason the man died, it’s purpose is to leave money for people in terrible and unpleasant ways

This leads Neil to wake up in the middle of the night, choking on a coin

if I were Neil I would simply lay down and die

rip to him but I’m different

Anyways he doesn’t trust his father for shit so he goes to his neighbors

It’s Andrew baby!

Andrew is like okay but I’m gonna call you a dumbass this whole time and you have to come w me to find this fucked up spirit and bind it

And also you can’t let go of my hand

They both hate that part

Drake still happened, just earlier

And Nicky took in the twins earlier

Ig nicky is older in this au

whatever

ANWAYS.

They talk on the way, exchanging quiet truths

It starts from what the spirit did and ends in neil asking why Andrew and Aaron live with Nicky

Andrew says that monsters aren’t always supernatural

Neil doesn’t ask anything after that

They’re goin to find this shit spirit when something almost attacks the 2

Neils first instinct is to be defensive so he lets go of Andrews hand

As soon as he does something gets stuck in his foot and Andrew is like I don’t even care at this point

They don’t have any luck ig so they’re like whatever we’ll try again later (or never talk to each other again)

Neil gets home and pulls what might be a worm out of his foot

rip to him bc part of it gets stuck

He wakes up the next day to his mom telling him she’s starting a new job and a woman named Lola is gonna look after him

So Lola is

yeah she’s Lola she’s a bitch

Lola seduces his father and wins over his people

Neil spends most of his time locked in his room avoiding her

What small fraction of safety Neil felt is ruined when Lola asks Nathan to drown him in the bath

It doesn’t work, obviously

also yeah that’s a real point in the book I didn’t just make that up

Anyways ndncjdm he stays in his room even more, only coming out when it’s some sort of fancy event or smth he has to show up for

He decides to do what he does best

He runs

He runs to the minyard/Hemmick farm, and Nicky takes him in and cleans up the scratches and bruises he has

Nicky also gets the wormhole out of Neils foot

Apparently Lola left it behind as an escape path

This book is weird as hell jfc

Nicky calls Andrew to help neil try and talk something out with Lola

They offer her a way for her to leave peacefully, to a less dangerous world

She doesn’t believe anything could hurt her

She’s IMMEDIATELY attacked by “hunger birds” who are basically scavengers

The hunger birds tell neil they gotta eat his heart out bc a piece of Lola is still connected to him

Andrew is like well cant let the only kid who hasn’t stepped over my boundaries die

He drags Neil to the ocean and tells him to get in

While in there, Neil understands the everything about the world and humans and nature and emotion

He gets out and the memory of it all dips

Andrew makes a promise to protect Neil from the hunger birds, telling him the farm is safe and it’s all very soft

haha get fucked you two bc the hunger birds start eating the world to force him off the property

Neil does leave the property, giving himself to the hunger birds to save Nicky and the twins from them

Andrew does NOT let this slide and jumps between the birds and Neil

He’s near death by the end, and when Nicky finds out he goes batshit and threatens the hunger birds with death that’s a very real possibility for them !

The three take Andrew to the ocean and place him there, and Aaron tells him that he’ll rest and heal until he can come back to this world

Neils memory of this fades, leading him to believe Andrew moved to Australia

He jolts back to the present when Nicky puts his hand on his shoulder, smiling sadly at him

Nicky hints that the hunger birds got his heart after all, but Andrews sacrifice healed him

The power of love, as they say

His heart has been growing back for a while now, it’s almost healed

Again, he begins to forget

He tells Nicky to say hello to Andrew if he contacts from Australia