#like jean was freaking out that kevin told the foxes the riko broke his hand

[kev-day]

thinking about kevin growing up in the nest and having to learn defense mechanisms to literally survive but are now the main criticisms his teammates have against him. and no one (besides jean) really know the fully extent of what he went through bc of the public persona and brick wall of self preservation he had to put up.

like he’s an asshole perfectionist about exy bc it was literally beat into him since childhood. running in 16 hour days since who knows how young he was and deprived of food and sleep when a drill was not performed perfectly

the world saw him and riko as brothers but riko was never kind to him. he hated playing the role as second best but it’s how he could make it through each day with one less injury. he was on eggshells nearly every second of the day because he was almost never out of riko’s sight. he learned how how navigate every mood until riko became too unhinged to navigate and by then he was so trapped in his role that he couldn’t fight back from riko and he couldn’t let the team know that he wasn’t just number 2 but he was a pet to riko. he was a bitch to his teammates to distract from what riko was doing to him and jean but also from so much built up anger inside for the person he could not escape

[markonasurface]

41/50 - “What are you doing in my house?”

Fandom: All for the Game/The Foxhole Court Characters/pairings: Jeremy, Jean/jerejean Summary: Jeremy’s had a hard week and Jean wants to talk.

A/N: I’m kind of indifferent to jerejean but I tried. Thank you for the prompt - messy or not;)

**warning: Jean talks about being raped.**

Jeremy sat down on the couch of his childhood home and sighed. It had been a trying day - no, week. He was just glad it was over.

He thought of his team. All of them working so hard to play hard but not using any unnecessary excessive force. He was proud of them. They were set to win the Day Spirit Award for the ninth year in a row if last week’s game didn’t ruin it.

He closed his eyes and leaned his head back. He was one of the few people who believed in David Wymack’s cause. He didn’t scoff at it or view it as a publicity attempt.

David Wymack gave Jeremy hope. Restored his faith in humanity some would say.

If David Wymack could risk his team’s status year after year to give troubled youth another chance, Jeremy figured the least he could do was take on just one more Raven onto his team.

He had thought, “How bad could it be?” The former Raven had only been a freshman when the Exy world was rocked by the scandal of their treatment in Castle Evermore. How much damage could one year really do?

Jeremy had learned the hard way that one year was enough to tarnish the Trojans’ reputation for never having received a red card. If getting their first ever red card had happened first, maybe Jeremy wouldn’t have done the other thing that was ruining his week.

Or maybe his words would have been viewed as desperate instead of just misplaced.

Jeremy wasn’t one to dwell but it was his fifth and final year with the Trojans. It was supposed to be his best year, yet.

He sat up, removing the glass cork from his father’s favorite bottle in his crystal set. He began pouring whisky over the ice in his glass when he heard a thump. He startled, spilling alcohol on the coffee table.

Setting the crystal bottle down he turned slowly, flinching at the sight of another person before breathing out a huge breath. He closed his eyes and tried to slow his heartrate.

“What are you doing in my house?” he questioned.

Jean walked around the couch and sat at the other end. “I remembered you saying your parents were out of town.”

“Ever hear of knocking?” Jeremy took a sip of his drink, face pinched in an unusual display of annoyance.

“Door was open.” Jean shrugged and Jeremy pretended his heart didn’t do backflips at the sight. He finished his drink quickly and poured himself another. “I wanted to talk to you.”

Jeremy refused to let himself feel hopeful. Jean probably just came to tell him he’s leaving the team. The Foxes would take him, which meant Jean rather deal with the shit he went through with Kevin than the awkwardness of sharing a dorm with Jeremy.

Jean reached out and grabbed Jeremy’s glass to get his attention. “Can we? Talk?”

“Honestly, I’ve had one of the worst weeks of my life,” Jeremy sighed, taking his hand back and finishing his second drink. He inwardly cringed and said, “I know it’s nothing compared to probably your worst week but -”

“Doesn’t mean it didn’t suck,” Jean finished for him quietly.

His steady gaze was unnerving, grey eyes always a storm that made Jeremy feel torn between quickly averting his own eyes and never looking away. His fingers itched to push his black hair away from his face or trace the tattoo under his left eye.

Instead he poured another drink. He hesitated then asked, “Do you want one?” Without waiting for an answer, he stood and went to get Jean a glass and some ice.

Jean accepted the glass from him but didn’t drink. Jeremy was acutely aware of Jean’s eyes on him but he was too flustered to look again.

“Look,” Jean finally broke the brief silence. “I’m sorry.”

Jeremy choked on his drink and asked, “Sorry? What -”

His spluttering didn’t deter Jean who continued, “I didn’t mean to be so harsh in my rejection ... I just - I like you.”

“As a friend ...” Jeremy tried to show Jean that didn’t bother him even when it was clear to both of them that it did.

“Yes,” Jean said fiercely and Jeremy’s heart fell. “But - more - I think?”

“Best friends?” Jeremy moaned miserably.

Jean sighed and stood up. He put his glass down though he was tempted to start drinking to make things easier on himself.

He moved closer, sitting on the middle cushion. He grabbed Jeremy’s hands in his. “More than that,” he said, cheeks turning pink.

“But you -” Jeremy leaned in, confused. “This whole week I thought -”

“I owe you an explanation,” Jean said, feeling slightly sick.

Jeremy must have noticed how uncomfortable he was because he quickly said, “Hey, you don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to.” He rubbed the back of Jean’s hands soothingly and Jean was reminded why he was doing this.

“When I joined the - when I was sold to Riko I liked girls,” Jean forced out over the lump in his throat. “I was still young but there were only one or two girls on the Ravens at a time. There was also a girl our age, a daughter of a friend of the Master who came to help us with our homework sometimes.”

Jean took a moment to remember to breathe and continued, “She kissed me and Riko broke my finger. Kevin explained that we couldn’t have distractions. Feelings - we weren’t allowed to have feelings.”

Jeremy gently stroked the most crooked of Jean’s fingers. “That’s -”

“It’s why feelings don’t make sense to me sometimes. Having feelings scares me because growing up in Evermore we weren’t allowed to have certain feelings and if we did Riko used them against us.

“When I was fifteen I started thinking I might like - I might be gay,” he quieted. “And it wasn’t okay. Riko wasn’t a very tolerant person so I knew it was wrong. It was okay that the Ravens were all fucking each other because there were no feelings involved; it was just sex. But Riko said when he decided it was time for us to lose our virginity we would only be allowed to fuck girls.”

“Jean,” Jeremy said, eyes wide and he realized he was squeezing his hands too tightly.

Jean let out a shuddery breath and loosened his grip. “Sorry, I just -”

“It’s okay. I get it.” He pulled him slightly closer.

“No.” Jean shook his head. “That’s not it. It’s not all.”

“You don’t have to tell me,” Jeremy moved a hand to his shoulder.

Jean closed his eyes and said, “I want to - if that’s okay with you.”

His heart skipped a beat but he nodded. “Of course it is. No matter what, I’m here for you.”

“Sorry, I need your hand - down here,” Jean’s voice was weak and he tried not to be embarrassed. Jeremy complied, placing both hands into Jean’s.

Jean forced himself to look into Jeremy’s eyes. “When I was sixteen,” he whispered. He cleared his throat. “He - Riko made - guys from the team fuck me.” He spit it out like he couldn’t get the words out and away from him quick enough.

“Oh, no,” Jeremy said sadly and had to resist the urge to pull out of Jean’s grasp.

“I begged him not to do it to me.” His words were rapidly spilling out now. “I begged and begged and it made it even better for him. He laughed. He held me down and told me to shut up. Then he would beat me for being disobedient before sending for another and they would fuck me because he told them to.”

“Jean,” Jeremy said, voice thick, unable to look away from his unblinking eyes.

“He only stopped when I laid there silently and took it.” A tear slipped down his cheek. “Then he hit me because I didn’t make it fun for him. He let Kevin fix me up before the same men scrimmaged with us.”

Jean gave Jeremy a bitter smile that hurt both of their hearts. “So I’m sorry for freaking out when you asked for a date and I’m sorry for hitting you when you kissed me.”

“No,” Jeremy squeezed Jean’s hands even though his fingers were going numb. “I’m sorry. I read the situation all wrong and I shouldn’t have kissed you.”

“I wanted you to,” Jean admitted, hanging his head. “It makes me feel sick. I want you and don’t all at the same time and I feel like - I’ve been feeling like I’m going crazy for awhile now.”

“Jean - can I?” His hand hovered in front of his face and Jean nodded. Jeremy lifted Jean’s head with a finger under his chin. “There’s nothing wrong with you.”

“Everything is -”

“No. None of that was your fault.” Jeremy brought his hands up to cup Jean’s face. His thumbs ran over old scars put there by Riko. “Where do I start? It’s okay to be gay. You knew I was and you’ve never treated me different because of it. Or Dermott or Alvarez.”

He swiped a tear off his cheek. “Riko and all those men were wrong. They were all sick. No one ever should have touched you without your consent. They should be ashamed, not you. You have nothing to be embarrassed about. You were wronged.”

Tears were falling down Jean’s cheeks, too many, too fast. Jeremy ducked his head to peer into Jean’s eyes. “I like you, Jean. I really like you. I hope you didn’t think this would scare me off.”

He smiled and Jean gave a wet laugh. He tried to cut off a choked sob but failed.

“Can I hug you?”

Jean collapsed in his arms and Jeremy held him. “I’m here for you, however you want me. However I can help ... if you need boundaries or space ... if you want me to make you an appointment with Timothy. I’ll bake you a hundred cupcakes. Or some beignets - you like those, right?”

He felt Jean tremble and said, “Or I can just hold you. Is that alright?”

Jeremy rubbed a hand down Jean’s arm while he cried into his chest. “I’m here.”