#like ive spent way too much time around him bc of field work and the thing abt me is that i just say whatever tf is in my brain so hes

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[yesimwriting]

Anastasia (prologue)

A/n ive been talking about my Anastasia x SOC story for awhile and im finally ready to post the prequel,, ive also been working on some requests and thinking about my next multi-part fic (ive made some posts about it lol)

things to know before reading: i tend to like to make up my own countries when writing these type of politically/plot driven fics that revolve around a royal family bc i think it makes it not only easier to write but less confusing bc it takes out the issue of potentially conflicting with canon, so i made up the country ‘Anastasia’ is from,, this also follows the musical Anastasia a little more bc i feel like that version of the story is more mature and easier to write for SOC (the only difference is that not everyone is happy that Anastasia is alive and someone tries to kill her bc they hate the royal family)

Series Summary: y/n makes an unconventional deal with Kaz to save the life of her best friend. No one’s ever made a deal with the infamous Dirtyhands that resulted in them shedding the title of orphan from a revolution-torn country that can’t remember her life before the orphanage and taking on the title of Princess Anastasia. As time progresses, things are made more complicated as y/n has to deal with royals, revolutionaries, a grisha general who has a lot to gain from an alliance with a princess that doesn’t know what she’s doing, and potential feelings for a conflicted Kaz Brekker that has more to do with Anastasia’s disappearance than he’s ever admitted. 

--

The world seems to be made up impossible things. Each day, people defy odds, strangers fall in love, the universe expands, and the Saints watch it all. I am not the kind of person to sneer at a miracle, to try to explain it away instead of acknowledging it for what it is. 

But what this stranger is proposing is laughable. 

I lean more into the chair, doing all I can to get away from the desk that he sits at. A nervous kind of giggle threatens to escape me, a laugh at the expense of the foolishness of the situation. If his demeanor was any less brooding, I would have already laughed at the irony. Kaz Brekker, the Dirtyhands, creating a ploy so colored by the fairytale notions of dreamers.

The longer I go without reacting, the worse this situation becomes. I haven’t seen Verne since Brekker and his people separated us. I can see the world of torment my eldest friend must be experiencing at this very moment while I sit at this desk. 

“Me?” I’m the most ridiculous part of his plan. He said the only reason me and my partner are still alive is because I fit the general description of the kind of person he needs, and if I’m blackmailed into it he won’t need to waste kruge paying me. “A princess?” 

He blinks, as uninterested and stoic as he’s been since he first ordered me into his office. “A pretend one,” his correction feels like a slight, “a surrogate one.” 

My eyebrows furrow together. “But what--I know the odds of the real Anastasia coming back are beyond slim, but if we’re caught in a lie the Dowager Duchess of Avila will have all of us killed. She may be in Ravka now, and her title nothing more than decorative due to the revolution, but she still has people loyal to her.” 

“Anastasia can’t come back.” The graveness of his voice is so certain a part of me has to wonder if he could have anything to do with her death. I dismiss the thought almost immediately, I don’t know his exact age, but he doesn’t look much older than me. He couldn’t have been more than two or three years older than Anastasia when she died, and she was a child at the time. “No one remains missing that long unless they’re dead.” 

I awkwardly scratch the back of my wrist, “You’re the expert here.” No--I did not just say that out loud. “Sorry--I didn’t mean to say that out loud. Not that thinking it makes it any better, but at least then you wouldn’t know and I’d seem like less of an idiot and I wouldn’t be talking about it right now, and just rambling at a really inconvenient time for me to just...” I cringe slightly, opting to stare at his desk instead of meeting his judgmental gaze. “Sorry, again. Normally Verne is here, and he just kicks me in the shin or something to shut me up.” 

“If you’d like to see what apparently is your only source of impulse control alive and in decent enough condition to kick anything ever again, you’ll agree to what I’m proposing.” 

I straighten my posture slightly, nerves and guilt twisting in my stomach. “I’m going to be as transparent as physically possible.” The warning is for both of us, the urge to hide all my weaknesses bubbling in my chest. “Mr. Brekker.” That’s awkward--what am I supposed to call him? “I’m a university student that’s only in Ketterdam because of an academic scholarship. I’m from somewhere average--I’m not from a place nice enough to give me the manners I’d need to pass as a girl who spent her fundamental years growing up in luxury and I’m not from a place grimy enough to make me a quick enough liar to make up for what I don’t know.” I inhale slowly, ignoring the sting of the flaws I laid out for a cruel stranger. “I’m not particularly graceful or sly or talented in any field that someone like you would value. The closest thing I have to talent involves things that can be tracked on paper. I wasn’t even supposed to be here tonight, I was just doing a friend a favor.” 

“You claim that you’re not a decent liar or a thief and yet your closest friend is one who believed himself talented enough to challenge me?” 

I resist the urge to shrink back into my seat. “This is Ketterdam, you try finding someone that doesn’t dabble in crime and ambition.” He does’t reply to my retort, which I think means I won. “Cards on the table, there’s nothing I wouldn’t do to save Verne, but you don’t want me for something like this.” 

He pauses, jaw locked and eyes too stony for me to interpret. “Every flaw you just pointed out, every reason you think makes you unfit for this job, is exactly the reason I’m offering you this.” I keep a thousand questions to myself as I wait for him to continue. “Those used to lying lack the warmth that will be needed to sell this. The Dowager Duchess is a grandmother first when it comes to Anastasia, that’s why she’s offering so much gold. She, and the rest of the royals that desire to know what happened to Anastasia, want to believe the story I’m telling. If you present yourself as someone real and warm and you understand table manners enough to not disturb the serene picture they want, they’ll squint at ugly details until they disappear.” 

Wow. I know that he’s intelligent, but what he’s constructing is so much more bullet proof than I thought it’d be. “I’ll admit you’ve constructed an airtight narrative.” 

I know my approval means nothing to him, but it’s the most agreeable I’m willing to be. “A narrative the background you told me of fits perfectly.” I shouldn’t have answered all those questions he asked me earlier so honestly. “A child born in Avila who was sent to a Kerch orphanage due to a war-relief effort during the revolution. A faceless orphan who was found during the height of the revolution with no memory of anything before the morning she woke up in a hospital cot.” 

I say nothing. My skin burns in protest of someone knowing so much about me. He must take my silence as a sign of me teetering the line away from what he wants, because he then says, “your friend is fortunate, if things aligned a little less perfectly he’d be dead already.” 

Dead already. The words elate my heart in a way that pinches. He’s still alive. Verne is alive. “If I agree, you let me see him and then you let him go.” 

“If you need a contract to believe me, I can have that arranged.” The words have an almost mocking edge. I guess it’d be a little ridiculous to get an official contract drawn up for something so small. “If you at any point change your mind, I’ll do the same.” 

The threat is clear. I back out and Verne pays for it in blood. Verne’s safety is once again in my hand. This situation is much more precarious than Kaz Brekker wants it to seem. “You need me to do something that will literally last the rest of my life. Tiaras aren’t something you can slip in and out of.” 

“Yes, I’m forcing you to give up a life in the slums for a palace for your friend’s life. This must be a difficult choice for you.” 

I look down to avoid rolling my eyes. “It’s still permanent, and it’s large because at any point I could reveal the truth and take you down with me.” 

“Remember who you speak to.” His voice has turned to pure darkness. 

Don’t wince. Don’t wince. Don’t wince. “All I’m saying is that you’ve offered Verne’s life to buy my cooperation, but you have yet to mention the cost of my silence.”

His expression is sharp enough to draw blood. “The Dowager Duchess is old and sick, wait at most two years and you’ll have more gold than you could ever spend. The revolution took that family’s power, not the wealth the Duchess took with her to Ravka the night of the massacre.” 

I shift awkwardly. “I’m not trying to get kruge from you for me.” I fold my hands neatly on my lap to avoid fidgeting. “Verne--he’s beyond desperate for kruge, that’s why he risked angering you.” The urge to shy away threatens to break my resolve. I think of all the times Verne has saved me. “Let him keep what he tried to take.” The request is awkward from my lips. I’m asking for more when I should should be grateful any type of mercy came from him. Any type of offer. “Half. Let him keep half.” 

He’s silent for a long moment, weighing the implications of loss. “You’re already entitled enough to pass for royalty.” I don’t let myself shrink. “Deal, but not because you threatened me--try that again and you’ll find yourself wishing you had never left the orphanage you came from.” The relief is practically crushing. Verne is going to be okay. He’s going to live and my resistance earned him enough kruge to have a week or two without worry as he plans what he’ll do in my absence. “You better be as good a study as you made yourself seem to be.” 

I don’t understand the second threat. “Studying?” 

“You didn’t think you could wander into the Dowager Duchess’s home, use the excuse of amnesia to explain why you don’t even know your own mother’s name, and expect them to think you more than an Avilan orphan with a desire for wealth.” 

“I actually don’t know my own mother’s name because of amnesia.” 

He’s in no mood to be contradicted, glowering sharply, “not anymore, anything that doesn’t fit the narrative I’m constructing is no longer true.” He straightens slightly as he begins to pace away from me. “You’ll have five minutes with your friend and then we’ll see where your table manners are at. I know someone who knows enough to correct you.” 

I try to picture where someone like him would meet someone that knows about etiquette. My mind provides nothing useful, but it doesn’t matter--I’ve agreed. It can’t be undone, not without having the blood of my dearest friend on my hands. 

[nikrangdan]

photographer!ni-ki

pairing: photographystudent!ni-ki x gender neutral reader

genre: fluff, comedy

description: every time you went to the park you noticed a mysterious boy who would take pictures of the scenery on his cute little camera. you liked to see what he’d take pictures of from afar but one day you noticed his camera pointing straight at.. you

for ni-ki’s bday!!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY LOVE <33 sorry i posted a day late but i hope u all enjoy!

———

“y/n!”

you groan before getting out of your bed at 10am

it was a saturday why was your mom yelling at u ..

you walked into the kitchen all sluggishly and rubbed your eyes

“you need to start taking suki on walks to the park. you need the exercise too.” your mom doesn’t even spare u a glance before walking out the door to run some errands

right

u forgot u were taking care of ur cousins dog while he was out of town... her name was suki

shes a little shiba inu AND SHES THE CUTEST THING EVER!!!!

WELP

u dont even have a choice anymore

u got somewhat ready before heading out with suki in your arms

shes so soft and fluffy

though u dont like to admit it, u kinda agreed with ur mom about u needing to exercise and get out the house

you’ve been cooped up in your room for days with no social or nature interaction

so

the park was about a 10 minute drive from ur house

and it was actually a really pretty park...

there was a lake and really pretty flowers everywhere and alot of gazebos and benches

and a nice open field of greenery

it basically looked like a park out of a movie

so you weren’t suprised that there was a decent amount of people there

but not too much thankfully.. or else you would’ve driven to another park with less people

you got out the car with suki and put her on the leash

let the walking begin!!!!

it was a really nice day out... the sun was shining but it wasnt too hot or cold

you led her onto the sidewalk and she began sniffing at the grass around her

whenever a few people would pass they would coo at how adorable she was

it wasnt until 5 minutes later that ur eyes locked onto a figure infront of the lake

you were just walking with suki in silence.. admiring the scenery

until u caught sight of a boy

u could only see his back but u noticed the camera over his shoulder

he was standing in one of those photographer poses where like one leg is bent and kind of out while his back is hunched to get that perfect angle of a shot

he was infront of the sidewalk railings where the lake begins and he was taking photos of the scenery across from it

it was a beautiful sight honestly

there was another sidewalk but behind it was colorful trees and blossoming flowers and bushes

u understood why he’d take pictures of it

you didnt see his face but u kind of acknowledged the boy before walking past him with suki

basically thinking he was just another passerby that you noticed making a single appearance in your life and never expecting to see him again

OH BOY U WERE WRONG

the next time you see him is 3 days later at the same park

you were walking suki again but this time at 7pm after dinner

the sun was almost done setting so the sky was getting darker but there was still a hint of the orange circle peeking from below

this time you walked further down the sidewalk path towards the scattered gazebos

and you noticed the same boy again

this time he was sat in one of the gazebos with his tiny camera in his hands

his back was hunched over again and he was looking closely at the pictures he had taken

‘oh its him again’ u thought

and that was it

LOL

u just acknowledged him in ur head AGAIN before u thought nothing of it and continued ur walk with suki

so the NEXT time u saw him was another 2 days later at 7pm again

you wanted to take suki on a quick walk

but you got tired after like 10 minutes so you sat down on a blanket u brought

suki was just laying next to u while u were on ur phone

it wasnt fully dark out yet and there was still a few people in the park

the fairy lights that were placed around were lit up already

it was super pretty and the weather was nice

after staring at ur phone for a few mins u looked up just to look around

and u saw Him again

wow

why do u keep seeing him !?!?!

his back was faced towards u like always

and he was like 40 feet away from u so he looked so tiny

but u could tell it was him because of his blond hair and black coat he always wore

you kind of zoned out and unfortunately ur eyes were trained on his back without u even noticing

and he

turned

around

for the first time EVER!!!!

its like he sensed someone staring at him

but yes he turned around with his camera in his hand

the first thing u noticed was that he got a new camera

it was a larger black one

definitely more expensive

Awe good for him!!!!!

and then u glanced up to see his face

and u made EYE CONTACT

u looked away so fast

because

He was SO CUTE.............

u awkwardly started looking to your left and tried turning ur face away from him

‘oh look at those beautiful um... birds.. yeah’

hopefully he didnt notice

*nervously sweats*

u didnt dare look back in that direction so u spent the rest of your evening in the park on ur phone or playing with suki

eventually it reached 8pm so u packed up ur stuff and went home

U were still kind of thinking about that boy....

so u were like

i need to go back

and u did Lol

u went back the next day at 6pm this time with suki

it was lighter out and the sky was beautiful

perfect for a certain boy to be taking photos

*evil laugh*

u were walking for like 15 minutes and u didnt see him anywhere :((((

the one time u go there for HIM

u settled down under a tree

suki immediately went on the blanket when u sat down too

you played tug of war with her and fed her some treats while playing

playing with her for 10 minutes straight definitely tired u out so u laid down and just stared at the sky

it was a faded blue turning into orange and pink

U were kinda bored so u sat up and started petting suki

you would occasionally glance up at the strangers walking past u

and

let me tell u what Happened..

u looked up at another lady walking her dog and went like

‘aweee that dog is so cute’ in ur head

and u took ur eyes off the dog and glanced to ur right

idk bc u felt like it

AND GUESS WHAT U SEE???!??????

THE BOY

LIKE 20 FEET AWAY

STANDING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FIELD

AND HE HAD HIS CAMERA UP TO HIS FACE

and it WAS POINTED AT U ??!?!

as soon as u looked in his direction he jumped and put his hands down

he like

Blushed????? and awkwardly smiled u know rubbing the neck and all that

he was embarrassed

ur cheeks were turning so red

BUT HE WAS SO ADORABLE

was kind of weird.... stalkerish but um

he cleared that up BECAUSE

He started walking over to u

he was wearing black jeans that were ripped on the knees with black high top converse

and a gray sweater with a black coat over it

HE JUST LOOKED CUTE OK

ur were like OMg []£{€]%[#{%€]£{

n he just Plop

he stood right infront of u basically towering bc u were sitting under the tree

suki noticed the boy and tilted her head like hmmmm???

u had the SMALLEST smile on ur face bc u wanted to seem friendly but not TOO friendly

he had his camera strap over his arm while he held it and his other hand was rubbing the name of his neck

“uh... sorry about that.. i didn’t mean to seem weird or anything!” he waved his hands infront of him to deny it

u just sat there while he talked like ❤️_❤️

“im uh taking photos for my class and i thought u looked nice so i took some pictures.. im really sorry i should’ve asked first now i seem weird or something im really-,”

u cut him off so he didnt ramble any longer

“no its okay! i get it” you gave him a warm smile and pet suki while she drifted to your side and kept her eyes on him

u both just stared at eachother for a few seconds before you spoke

“um.. would you like to sit?” you scooted over and made room for him in the blanket

WOW U WERE FEELING BOLD TODAY...

“uh sure” he set his camera down and sat beside u

“this is suki.. shes my cousins dog” u said when she climbed into his lap and started sniffing him

he grinned and pet her before looking up at you

“im ni-ki by the way” his cheeks turned a bit pink which u thought was cute

“y/n” you smiled

“suki seems to like you” u laughed

“so how long have you been working on this project or whatever?”

“oh um i started last week... i just have to make a portfolio of photos i take and turn it in” he said while keeping his eyes trained on suki

u noticed he didnt make eye contact with u often but u knew it was probably because he was nervous because u do that too

“can i see the pictures...?” u hesitantly ask him

his eyes light up when u say that

“yeah!”

AWE HES SO EXCITED

he picks up his camera next to him and clicks a few buttons

“oh by the way... ive noticed u at the park before! you’re always with the camera” you laugh

“ah yeah, this park is where most of my project photos are taken.”

he leans over and shows you the pictures on the device

“woah” you let out a gasp

he showed u the picture he took of you first

How does a picture look better than real life...

you’ve never really been into photography but now that you’ve seen his work u might just have to start getting into it

“this isnt even done yet, i still have to edit it so it’ll look even more perfect” he shyly says

“this is amazing what the heck” your jaw is Dropped

“thanks”

“i need to see the final result” u said because it was such a nice picture

“um.. if you give me your number i can show you it” he sent you a cheeky grin

SMOOTH.....

he was so AGGGHGGHG ur kind of obsessed

you two exchange numbers and talk about random things for a whole hour until he says he has to go

“it was really nice meeting you.. i had fun” he tells you as he starts standing up

suki is sleeping so he tries not to wake her up

“i had fun too” you smile

“would you like me to walk you to your car?”

A GENTLEMAN !!?!?!?!

“oh yeah, thanks”

you two spend another 2 minutes together as you walk side by side with suki in your arms and he held your blanket and bag for you

you reached your car and thanked him

“ill see you soon, dont forget to text me! and good luck on the project, i know you’ll do great”

“thank you..”

ni-ki’s cheeks turn pink once more before he turns around and starts walking away with a smile on his face

he is just the cutest thing ever

you definitely need to see him again

[nobody-knose--archive]

well i got home a lot earlier than i thought i would today, which i’m happy for seeing as the place was filled to the brim with people not wearing masks. like this place is normally decently busy this time of year but it was packed to the goddam brim today for some reason. anyway! i took pictures of the place for reference, and whenever i get around to carving the pumpkins we picked out i’ll share pics of that as well. this is lowkey going to be an advertisement for the place because if you ever visit the central valley you really should come around here, especially if you are/have kids it’s amazing. starting from the top.

[image description: a picture of a creek bluff. in the foreground are some ground brush cast in shadow. in the middle ground is some long yellow grasses in patchy sunlight taking up the space where a creek would run if there was rain around here (california). slightly up the hill is a small footbrigde connecting a path that goes from left to right along the side of the bluff. just behind it in the background is the side of a small hill that’s covered in the same long yellow grass from before, and the sky is clear and blue where at the top of the bluff. scattered throughout are oak trees, some small and young, and a few that are old, tall, & mighty. end image description.]

y’all are so lucky i managed to get pictures without people there were so damn many. my older brother was freaking out the entire time about catching corona (he’s nd but he’s in denial about it) and ive decided that for the sake of this post & onwards i’ll be referring to my older brother as Idon & my younger brother as Dr. Lion given that those are dumb unused nicknames we have for each other and it’s easier than referring to them as my older & younger brother all the time. anyway the whole area is set up in this lil creekbed area and normally when it’s winter & it’s not hot n stuff (twas decently hot today, tshirt shorts & no jacket weather in the sun) there’s a bit of water that runs through it. the rest of the time it’s dry and people will walk straight to it to get to the bluffside trail that features a handful of small attractions like a tiny castle, tunnel, metal slide, & other things that appeal to all the children that can fit in them. this place is basically the hotspot for any and all children in this county youve just gotta come here some time it’s so damn fun. there’s even a swinging rope bridge over the creek that leads to the bluffside trail that’s raised way up in the air and is an honestly harrowing experience for every kid who goes across it i could talk about this place for hours. i havent even brought up the train line that goes around the tree farm & things at the top of the bluff. anyway

[image description: a picture of a pumpkin patch, taken from behind a few stalks of corn. the field is full of pumpkin plants with their large, green leaves extended into the air, though there’s no pumpkins visible. there are various flowers i believe to be carnations dotted throughout the patch, in shades of  light pink, magenta, orange, and red, and a few stalks of corn also grow in the patch. in the distance a field of corn that doubles as a small maze grows off to the right, and lining the background is a row of large trees that grow along the creekbed behind them. the sky is bright blue & clear from the upper left part of the picture it can be seen in. end image description]

so one attraction of this place (one thing that gives it such an appeal to people who want aesthetic pictures for instagram & whatnot) is that they always set up little pumpkin people all over the place, taking various poses. when i say pumpkin people i mean basically scarecrows, clothing stuffed with straw & posed doing things, but with pumpkins for heads. most of them are out of the way enough that people cant mess with them but can take pictures like i did here. oh can you not see it? well let me just zoom in for you-

[image description: a zoomed in picture of the scene described above. clearly shown is a scarecrow-type figure with a pumpkin for a head standing up in the field. it’s wearing a rather nondescript grey shirt, blue jeans, and a floppy brown farmer’s hat. it’s surrounded by pumpkin plants, carnations, & corn stalks, with a corn field to the back & more large trees casting shadows to the back, as indicated above. there are also some large leaves from corn plants directly in front of the camera where it’s taking the picture, taking up a large chunk of the picture. end image description]

here it is! this is the only one i took a picture of because it was the only one i could possibly find the time to capture without it being swarmed by other people. i was really lucky to take these pictures without anyone in the background here it’s honestly hard to tell from what i’m showing but there was an obscene amount of people there, hence why we barely spent 1.5 hours there. i suspect idon’s unending stream of complaints and fretting and honest request to tell every member of our extended family that we’d have to quarantine for the next 2 weeks got us out a bit faster than we wouldve otherwise done but eh. that stuff’s especially ironic considering dr lion’s going back to physical school starting this week but hey what can ya do. we wore our masks. homemade by my mother because she had nothing better to do the first few weeks of quarantine and now i’m just rambling about my home life. moving on

[image description: a picture of a string of lightbulbs, focused on one in particular that’s completely shattered. behind, various trees, oaks being the only ones i can name, fill up almost the entire background. blue sky can be seen through the branches of a tree to the upper right portion of the picture. for the most part only the lightbubs & the tree closest to it, taking up the rightmost portion of the photo, are illuminated by the sun. end image description]

this is making me realize i didnt take many good pictures. i only took this one because ive got a story behind it but hey i’ll be coming back this winter to pick out a pine tree probably bc they double as a pine tree farm as well as a pumpkin patch and general creekbluff attraction so i can get some better pictures of the area when there’s less people. hopefully. anyway you see how that lightbulb’s broken? well i being the lil aspiring biologist i am saw a bone lying in the dirt next to our car when we were leaving and immediately picked it up. it was picked clean, almost certainly by ants or something, and i was kinda hoping it was the product of some owl because there are a lot of those in the area around the creek, but my family decided twas but the product of some other family’s picnic there. what it was doing in the parking lot i’d love to know, but i couldnt bring it with me (”that’s disgusting” it’s picked clean dirty & dusty lying in the dirt i guarantee it’s not got anyone’s dna on it any more but that of the chicken it came from) so i take a step closer to the treeline to throw it away. and then of course where does it go after i release it from my hand but directly into one of the lightbulbs hanging up by a string all along the outside of the parking lot. whoopsy. so of course i take a picture as soon as i’m done explaining it to my family & freaking out about doing actual damage to this beloved creek pumpkin patch/pine tree farm. then we have a brief argument on whether to tell the staff about it (there’s actual broken glass what else can we do) and so we drive up to the guy sitting there watching people leave, giving directions, our mom rolls down the window, and i, on the opposite side of the car from him, barely get out a proclamation along the lines of “there’s a broken lightbulb down in the parking lot with glass on the ground” he says “ok sure” and we leave. it takes me like 5 minutes to calm down from that which i dont get because we do a whole expedition up to the top of the bluff to see the construction theyre doing to the train line that theyve been working on for years & we dont even get out of the car to walk around because a. social distancing we already took off our masks & they have to be tied on it’s too much work to put it back on and b. the sheer number of cars there was menacing so we just sorta drove around and glanced down the side of the bluff to the best of our abilities. god that’s a damn paragraph. it’s been an hour. <3 i guess

[frisbee-camp]

What’s Hidden Can Be Found|Tyrus Summer Camp AU

AO3 link/Wattpad link

Camp Lowland sleepaway camp is an hour drive from Shadyside, where tensions and disagreements have been left for time to mend. But what will Tj and Cyrus do when the past comes chasing after them? Follow the Good Hair Crew and The Good Boys through their annual two-month stay in the wilderness where nature does not care for petty arguments and time has only worsened their situation.

Chapter 1: Deja Vu

///*takes place about one to two years after the finale**summer after freshman year of high school bcs idk if they're in 7th or 8th lol thx disney//

Disclaimer: ive never been to summer camp lmao but I did go to camp in sixth grade so forgive me if my knowledge of summer camp culture is off. FOR TYRUS WEEK!! ////

TJ squinted when the hot forest sun hit his eyes. It was hot. Actually properly hot. Another degree up and the pine trees would have kindled and Camp Lowland would have burned down. TJ’s duffle bag pinched his shoulder as he walked towards the main camp lawn where the rest of Sunnyside teens congregated around the flagpole. He always enjoyed this weird annual tradition where parents sent their kids to the middle of nowhere to annoy other slightly older teenagers. Anyone who was anyone went to Camp Lowland, this meant all of his school friends would be there. His smiled widened as he was met with hugs from William, Lucas, Grant and his other basketball friends. There were about a hundred or so campers this year, a little less than last year thought TJ.

“YO, TJ!!” Someone to his right called out to him. It was Marty, trailed by Jonah. Marty’s hair had gotten fluffier, he had grown taller since middle school. Jonah had also gotten taller and now had a soccer players body since he switched from Frisbee to the more recognized sport. TJ jogged to his friends and gave them hugs.

“Hey guys, what’s up? Where are we this year?” He dropped his bag around the compact grassy field and looked around. Camp Lowland was set in a valley surrounded by tall prickly pine trees. There was a river on the east side and a lake in the north, and a soccer field and basketball in the west. There were four cabins at Camp Lowland: Redwood, Aspen, Oak, and Willow. All situated on the edges of the grassy field in a rhombus layout with Redwood in the north, Aspen in the east, Oak in the west, and Willow in the south. They were big and luxurious as someone had recently donated an excessive amount of money to them. TJ loved it. No school. No teachers. No stress. Just him, his friends, the wilderness, and fun. He felt like a dog let loose in a flower field.

“We’re Redwood, all three of us. Cool right?” Jonah smiled his classic smile. Tj, Marty, and Jonah had formed their own little posse Andi had named The Good Boys. Tj didn’t even remember how they became such good friends, one day he just found himself in a group chat with the three of them and no one else. In a year they were inseparable. He had a feeling they had been set up by Andi and Buffy, but no one complained. They were some of the only people TJ could completely trust.

“Yeah, cool,” TJ said cooly and looked around in the crowd. He couldn’t see Andi or Buffy or even…

“You looking for Cyrus?” Marty had noticed him looking around, “he’s already in WIllow with Andi and Buffy.” Marty gave him a sympathetic smile. He always kept an eye on Cyrus since he was still with Buffy. Tj returned with a shy smile.

“You ready to go?” Jonah said as he dragged his bag towards Redwood.

“Yeah let’s go,” TJ said without looking back.

Tj loved the new renovations, now it meant that there were four people per room in each cabin with ten rooms in each cabin. Five for boys and five for girls on opposite sides of the hall. By some glorious luck, the Good Boys were all in one room. There were two bunk beds but no one came to claim the last bed. Marty and Jonah took the top bunks, leaving TJ alone on the bottom. Once they settled in, TJ opened the window that overlooked the lake. It was glistening and alive and it took all of TJ’s will to not jump in right now. It wasn’t as hot as it was when he got to Camp, but it was still enough to cause his t-shirt to cling to him. At least the breeze cooled as the sun started going down.

Later that evening, when the camp counselors had introduced themselves and their ridiculous camp names, Tj found himself searching the mass of teenagers for a boy with dark hair. Each cabin had their own fire pit and was roasting marshmallows and introducing themselves to each other, but that didn’t mean Tj couldn’t see the other campers in adjacent fire pits. During high school, TJ had tried to move away from the mean jock stereotype but it was impossible to control how people saw him. He still played basketball, was the best on the team and the captain of JV, but that didn’t make him any less self-conscious. He didn’t have much more to hide really, except maybe his dyscalculia, but everyone knew he was gay or questioning or whatever you want to call it. But they still didn’t know him like, like him. Tj found the back of Cyrus’ head on Andi’s shoulder around the Willow fire. He knew he probably hated being outdoors, probably hated the dirt and the sun. He gave himself a sad smile and burnt his marshmallow on purpose.

After introductions and camp songs Tj had sung a million times, the cabins were allowed to mill about and socialize. The Good Boys and the Good Hair Crew immediately found each other in the crowd.

“Hey!” Andi said, “Aren’t the renovations awesome! We all get our own bathrooms now!”

TJ zoned out after that. They laughed and talked while Tj hid his hands in his pockets. He tried to catch eyes with Cyrus, but he kept looking away from him at the last second. Tj decided that he couldn’t be there anymore and said, “I’m gonna get some chocolate.”

Tj found himself mindlessly chewing on a gummy bear at the snack table. There were all sorts of goodies laid out in front of him, sour candies and chocolate bars, a big bowl of fluffy marshmallows, strawberries, crispy mountain apples, and lots of chips and popcorn. Any other day and Tj would have devoured the entire table, but not today. He reached for a marshmallow to roast and brushed hands with someone familiar.

Tj’s eyes fluttered up.

“Hey,” Cyrus said shyly.

“Hi,” Tj said just as quietly. Tj had his glasses on, the flame from the fire reflected over them and half of his face making him look a little warmer than usual.

“Um,” Cyrus looked down at their still touching hands and inched his way. Tj missed the sensation. “I think there are enough marshmallows to go around,” Cyrus joked. It was nice to hear him laugh, even it if was just a small one.

“Yeah, but who knows. You know I could eat an entire bowl of this stuff,” Tj said.

“Yeah I know,” Cyrus was staring at him. It made him shuffle his feet and look towards his friends.

“How’s your room?” TJ asked trying to ease the tension but if Andi came over right now she’d be able to cut it with scissors.

“Probably not as nice as yours,” Cyrus blinked once. Tj thought he saw his cheeks pinked, but it could have been the heat from the fire.

“Well, you are in Willow…” Tj teased. It was camp tradition that the opposite cabins were rivals. This meant Redwood rivaled Willow and Aspen rivaled Oak. At the end of the summer, whichever camp amassed the most points would have a tree named after the cabin leader. Tj was sure it was just an excuse to plant two trees every year, but it wasn’t about who won at the end, he just loved the competition. Sometimes the cabins would form alliances, last year Aspen won because Redwood helped them during a scavenger hunt, and in return, they let rabbits loose in Willow. Not the fluffy cute rabbits, these ones had rabies. The camp almost shut down because of the scandal but no one found out that it was all Amber and Tj’s idea.

Cyrus laughed a little, “Whatever cabin leader, don’t let the power get to your head.” Being cabin leader meant TJ and the other cabin leaders, Amber for Aspen (again), Iris in Oak, and Buffy in Willow, could choose what days the cabin wide competitions would be held. It may seem small, but every cabin had a strategy. Even the ones with alliances.

“Oh don’t worry Cyrus, it already has,” Tj knew he was looking for too long. He probably had that dumb grin he got around Cyrus.

Cyrus hummed softly and poked a marshmallow through his marshmallow skewer and walked back towards the group. TJ’s heart rate finally calmed down when he left.

The next day began cabin competition or ‘Cabin Comp’ preparations. One competition worth 200 points held at the end of each week and culminating in the final competition which was yet to be determined by the cabin leaders. But during the week each cabin could win up to 50 points, two max for each cabin member that exhibited good behavior, excellent camping skills, or any other skill that the counselors felt deserved an award. That meant there was a maximum of 2,000 points. Tj’s cabin last year had won 1,582 but Amber’s had won a perfect 2,000. He didn’t care though, because he still beat Willow. It was sort of like Hogwarts, except the only magic came from the adrenalin rush he got from playing basketball with his friends.

Tj spent most of the week playing basketball and soccer with the Good Boys. He tried concentrating on figuring out a strategy for the first game: capture the flag. It seemed like Buffy was working on a strategy too since she kept giving him cold glances during morning announcements and in the mess hall. Last year she had gotten only 50 points less than Tj, a little too close for Tj’s taste. He had a feeling she was keeping her cabin members away from the Redwoods, which was understandable since he was doing the same with the Willows. During the first week, campers usually stuck to their own cabins and through the summer tensions calmed until a couple of weeks to the last Cabin Comp.

“Yo T!” He heard Jonah call to him, “you good dude?” Jonah held the basketball on his hip, his blue eyes the same color as the river he was staring into.

“Yeah, I’m good just thinking,” He said absentmindedly.

“Yeah? About CC1?” Marty said a little out of breath. CC1 stood for Cabin Competition One.

Tj just sighed and nodded. “Bro if you need help thinking you know you can ask us right?” Jonah added. Tj’s lip quirked up. For some reason, he thought he could do it alone. He tried not to get caught up in the cabin leader mentality where he only thought the competition was between him and the other leaders.

“How ‘bout now?” Tj said, surprising even himself.

The rest of the night Tj, Jonah, and Marty spent sitting on the floor of their room. Tj had to step out to do room inspections with the cabin counselor Luke, a 20 something with way too much energy and who always smelled like some illegal substance. TJ liked him nonetheless, he was cool and never talked down to his campers.

“Hey, TJ. Don’t worry about all that CC stuff I know we’ll win like last year” Luke whispered as they tiptoed around the cabin with flashlights making sure all the campers were accounted for.

“I don’t know Luke, this year feels different, like a bad version of deja vu or something,” Tj breathed out.

“Just think positive and you’ll attract those good vibes,” Luke said. He had a habit of trying to give everyone he met a psychic reading. Let’s just say that he was 0% psychic.

“I don’t even know why I’m cabin leader again,” Tj was surprised when he was voted as cabin leader around the campfire last night. This would be the third year in a row he’d been elected.  Same with the other cabin leaders.

“Just think of it as the universe rewarding you, you know you can always give it to someone else,” Luke trailed, “like I don’t know, Jonah or even Marty or something. I know you guys are basically the same person.” Luke gave an airy laugh and clicked his flashlight off.

“I don’t know dude,” TJ said, “I guess they trust me or whatever.” Tj actually thought his cabin members were just playing a trick on him. It wasn’t that he was mean anymore, he just thought that they thought he was still a jerk. Maybe he had been wrong. Maybe he was leveled and a good leader.

When he got back to his room Jonah and Marty had perfected the strategy. Tj smiled as it was laid out in front of him in his friends’ messy boyish handwriting. “Perfect” he finally said after examining it.

When CC1 day came, the mess hall buzzed with excitement. Everyone was nervously chittering away as TJ slurped down two bowls of cereal. He found himself staring at Buffy’s table, more specifically to Cyrus who looked tired but content as he bit into a slice of bacon.

“Tj,” Jonah said to him, “Focus, we need you.”

“You’re right, sorry” Tj felt his nose pink just as Cyrus met his eyes and quickly looked away.

Tj stood on the steps of the Redwood cabin as he explained the rules and strategy of CC1: capture the flag. The plan was simple. They would not ally themselves with either Oak or Aspen, they were to directly look for Willows flag. Half of them would defend and the other half would go searching spread out evenly and with whistles to use as signals and to blow if any of them were in trouble. A third of the searchers would run at full speed and while Willow was distracted another third would follow and when they least expected it the last third would storm. Tj had only a faint idea of where the flag was. He knew that Redwoods' flag was on the dock in the middle of the lake, Aspen’s would probably be on the other side of the river, Willows would be somewhere around the willow tree they were named after, and Oak’s would be on the top of the hill their cabin was in front of. This meant that all the flags would be behind the cabins, they’d have to run through the open field. Once they ran, Willow would know their plan.

He looked out at his cabin members, kids he had known since he was a toddler. They knew him and trusted him and Tj felt his heart soar like when it does when he captains the basketball team. He took a deep breath and looked out at the other cabins. The sun was just as hot as the first day they were there. Hot. Not warm or steamy but a humid sticky hot. Here we go he thought.

“Change of plans,” Tj said suddenly. “Searchers, go in your ambush groups but sneak behind Aspen and Oak before going into Willow’s territory."

It was a good thing he changed the plan because Buffy had chosen to use the strategy he abandoned at last minute. He didn’t know how she had learned it, but once the whistle blew from Head Counselor Moose she and 10 other cabin members stormed. TJ laughed knowing that his cabin would know exactly how to get them out. Marty had volunteered to guard the flag himself. Tj lead one of the ambush groups behind Oak and Jonah behind Aspen. They were sneaky but even then some of them were tagged out leaving only Jonah and Tj to quietly look for the Willow tree. And then it was there. After what felt like thirty years of walking and a gallon of sweat, Tj saw the enormous and beautiful Willow tree. Andi’s sculptures could never compare to the real thing. This one was tall, with branches that hung low and swayed in the wind. It was incredibly green and lush and just slightly tinged pink along the borders. The suns' heat didn’t even phase this part of the forest. It’s rays gently seeped through the leaves, leaving a fuzzy warm light. The grass was taller than normal here, rising above Tj’s ankles. Wildflowers dotted the base of the tree, light purple, and yellow and pink. TJ crept closer to the tree, it must have been a trick, this was too easy. He saw the flag peaking around the corner of the trunk, it was neon orange and foreign in such a natural environment. Tj went to grab it but someone also poked their head around the trunk.

“You didn’t think you’d be able to just take it did you?” Squinted up an already sunburnt Cyrus. Tj jumped back. He wasn’t expecting to talk to Cyrus today, especially not have him holding the flag that could get him 200 points.

“I uh-“ Tj blinked in surprise as Cyrus stood up to his full height. He wasn’t holding the flag, he was the flag. Buffy had tied it around his waist. Not against the rules but fowl play. Of course she would do this. She knew Tj would come himself and she knew he couldn’t just snatch it from Cyrus’ body. Tj vowed to take revenge.

But Cyrus looked so cute in the Weeping Willow tree’s soft light. He had a blue wildflower behind his ear and had tried weaving himself a flower crown. It was crooked on his head. He must have been here for a long time. Probably before the cabin leaders even explained the rules.

“Yes?” Cyrus swayed slightly, he seemed proud of the predicament he had put Tj in.

“I uh,” Tj swallowed and saw Jonah out of the corner of his eye, “I came for the flag.”

Cyrus considered this for a moment and then saw Jonah in Tj’s line of sight, “Tell Jonah that if he comes any closer I’ll tag you out and run. You know you can’t afford that because Buffy is probably just as close to your flag.” He was right. Geez. Cyrus was enjoying this, his eyes glinted and he had a small smile.

“Marty’s guarding ours.”

“Yeah, she knows,” Cyrus sighed slightly, “do you think she cares?” Tj knew Marty and Buffy were so in love it disgusted him, but he also knew Buffy would take the flag without hesitation.

“So what do you want me to say that will make you give me the flag?” Tj blurted. He hated this weird tension they had.

Cyrus looked angry now, “I don’t want you to say anything. Why are you being a jerk?”

Tj grunted in frustration, his win was a foot away from him but he couldn’t get it because of his feelings.

“I don’t know Cyrus?! Why are you so weird around me?!” Tj could tell that his voice had raised. It made Cyrus cower a bit, but he quickly regained his angry face.

“You broke me TJ! You know that.” Cyrus was about the cry, TJ could tell by the way he spit out every word.

“What? Wh-“

And then Camp Counselor Moose’s whistle blew. Buffy had won.

[meggannn]

i finished my shenko playthrough...... and it made me sad bc i liked so much of it, there were so much good kaidan dialogue in me3 that i found really touching, and then i remembered that kaidan is dead in my canon :( i feel like i appreciate him more but i also just...... ashley is my girl........ i love her so much

anyway thoughts/notes/liveblogging 2 months late is all behind the cut

me1

the beginning of the renegade playthrough is p much just shepard throwing a tantrum going "i dont wanna" and anderson going "YOU'RE GOING TO ANYWAY"

Shepard: *murders everyone in the compound* Kyle: I respect that you have come under a banner of peace,

why do sniper rifles move when you zoom in tho like what's the fucking point lmao. is garrus considered an expert sniper just cause he can fuckin shoot anything at all

“I understand the discomfort she feels. The threat is very real.” so it’s canon Garrus has first response victim shock training

Baynham: here take these gas grenades that will knock ppl out instead of killing them Kaidan: I can hook them up to our launchers no problem Garrus: Why don't we use them Commander? Shepard: We're not doing that. Wipe everything out.

“How come every time there’s a problem you come running to me?” okay first off it’s hilarious that shepard talks to hackett like that, and secondly he resonds with: “Shepard you’re a Spectre” which is interesting. it’s not like he can assign her missions as a Spectre. it’s prob just abt prowess? or he uses her position for alliance gain

Shepard: Are you telling me this VI is thinking on its own? Hackett: We're not stupid, Shepard. Shepard:

(pulling a gun on the staff of Noveria) Garrus: Citadel authority supersedes yours. // you know he was thrilled to say that lmfaooo

“If by ‘secure the situation’ you mean ‘shoot every monster on sight,’ then sure.” good god

shepard, with spectre class gear, cleaning out this dude’s stock just to convert it all to omnigel: show me what you got

(to sovereign) Garrus: “The protheans vanished 50k years ago! You couldn’t have been there! It’s impossible!” Garrus sounds like an annoying kid in class lmfao

“Organic life was a mistake” this is why I don’t trust the fucking Reapers or starchild to give it to me straight. REAPERS ARE HALF ORGANIC!!!

Kirrahe: You have my respect, Commander. Shepard: I’d rather have Williams back than your respect. // jlSKJFLDSK

every time I destroy a colossus in the Mako now I’m reminded when shepard fights one of these fuckin things ON FOOT

“Cut me a little slack, Shepard. It’s not like you’re easy to read.”

vigil is still one of my favorite scenes in the entire series. i think i figured out why, it's the first time shepard (and at large, this cycle) realizes she has allies. more than she knows. every race that's been exterminated wants to see the reapers dead. every single one is supporting shepard the protheans weren't just wiped out. they didn't just fight till the bitter end. they made contingency plans. their last messages were also ones of hope. and they succeeded. shepard's gonna have to do most of the work on her own; of course she is. and she knows most history is lost. but all of that work has added up and will add up, and she realizes here she's gotta make all that work worth something. she can't leave it for the next cycle to clean up. like vigil’s talk is essentially: "aliens of the future, we are a dead race. we can't fight with you anymore. but we can be there to make sure you win. do not make our sacrifice in vain. we, and every race that came before us, the millions of us, deserve the chance." AND OH LOOK WHAT THAT REMINDS ME OF

vigil talks abt how the last ilios scientists (abt a dozen) took a one-way trip to the citadel after the reapers had left their cycle, and spent their remaining years severing the connection btw the keepers' automatic trigger function to activate the citadel relay and that the scientists probably died cold miserable and hungry bc the citadel was like, not exactly equipped for life anymore, and it was just a handful of people, so they wouldnt have gotten even a wing up and running. what's the bet that these scientists were also the leading engineers on the crucible, and they divided their time btw these two projects? the keepers succeeded, the engineers did everything they could to do more, add more ideas to this project, before they expired and they made the pods they were buried in biodegradable? or something? so that keepers would be able to dispose of them and their bodies couldn't be used for future experiments/slave labor if reapers or indoctrinated forces/collectors came back

this is my first time getting the apartment on intai’sei and THERE ISN’T EVEN A BATHROOM.

me2

just sharing this mod from someone who made “play as every character except shepard” mods. you can ask jacob what the hell a collector is WHILE DRESSED AS A COLLECTOR

“This pistol doesnt have a thermal clip” SHEPARD IS THAT REALLY THE FIRST THING YOU WANT TO SAY AFTER AWAKING FROM A COMA. I love that not only is the first thing shep does on awakening is complain abt the state of her gun, but also that she wakes in full armor

ive been wondering if miranda planned the attack on lazarus station. she knows shepard is a woman of action. her trust in people comes from knowing they'll weather the storm with her. maybe this attack on the station was all to get her to trust jacob, or at least, not attack miranda on sight? if she woke up in a lab or hospital with cerberus logos leaning over her? uhhhh yeah, she's getting the hell out of here. if her first xp is fighting through fire w a few of them first? uh...... i'll hear you out at the VERY least, but i wont like you. that's what miranda wants

miranda seems to like renegade shep. she like respects the no bullshitting around i guess, cut from the same cloth?

twenty four permanent crew onboard the Normandy. jotting that down

Donnelly: Want to play some Skyllian Five with us later? Shepard: This isn’t a casino. Get back to work.

grunt says "arm one hand, offer the other. wise, shepard." that's one of my favorite lines descripting shepard, it fits mine perfectly

Shep: They offered me Spectrehood and I told them where to shove it. Udina: Are you trying to start a war? What the hell is wrong with you?

when you buy upgrades at the citadel stores, one tech damage purchase description describes the rls btw tools and neural connectors, so it’s canon omnitools are hooked up to neural implants. *scribbles that down for later* I’m not sure if that’s the right term but we know at least it’s connected in some way so that tools are individualized to their user

the turian hunting supplies guy is still one of my favorite minor npcs

on shepard’s likeness being used in the media: “The colony of Mindoir has won the right to use Shepard’s likeness on its seal.” okay this is interesting but also confusing because i figured since shepard is military, and now a public figure/no longer a private citizen, there was no need for people to ask to use her likeness. but there was a company that requested her permission in the armax arena to use her footage for a video. maybe for things like charity etc it’s necessary?

there are only five wards. somehow I never caught that that wards = arms of the Citadel. wtf. this changes everything

jacob: “you were the alliance poster child for like six months. then they replaced it with some composite image. guess you didn't field test right. perfect example of humanity, and they still dump you." // so it's canon the alliance whitewashes shepard, right? lol

shepard: i'm glad you're enjoying it here miranda. just remember who's in charge. miranda: i know exactly who's in charge. i report to him regularly. OUCH LMAO

one of the fuckin funniest things i experienced in this playthrough was: Shepard: I didn't let you look at those (cerberus datapads). Jack: I get impatient. Shepard: (close up on fist and angry red eyes) DO NOT violate the integrity of my ship again. Jack: (not paying attention) Yeah, ok.

Thane: I have a son. Shepard: All right, you spawned. Organic species tend to do that. Is that all?

more shepard being an asshole to thane: “just give it to me straight. i’m not interested in your philosophical BS.” GOD SHEPARD

asari are canonically into egyptology, cool

IF YOU FEED THE VARREN ON TUCHANKA IT’LL FOLLOW YOU AROUND, HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS TILL NOW

playing a complete asshole on garrus’s eye for an eye just reminds me how much i hate his loyalty lmao. i hate it on paragon, i hate it on renegade. if you agree w him on everything re revenge, beating harkin up, he’s like “i knew you’d understand” and “somehow I didn’t think you would (have a problem with what I’m planning to do)”. it’s just like. sad. idk. I hate this quest so much but I also hate people who play renegade shepard/garrus completely without criticism. it’s also why i hate those “garrus and shepard as gang bosses au” aesthetic shit. this kind of rls is not healthy. not that paragon is strictly the way to go, cause paragon can be self-righteous and preachy, esp in this mission, which bothers me too.

Bailey: You’re trying to save your son. Of course I’ll help. Thane, staring at him unblinkingly, with deep black eyes: He faces a dark path. Bailey:

weirdly this was the renegade option that made me feel really fuckin bad: Shepard: I didn’t want to do that. We don’t have much time. Mouse: Just go away, man. Thane: I’m sorry too, Mouse. Mouse: Just… go.

legion: windows are structural weaknesses. geth do not use them. heretic station: *is filled with fuckin windows*

Shepard: What’s your assurance worth? Your loyalty switches with quantum bits. EDI: Loyalty is based on mutual respect, common experience, and common cause. We share two of those. // HOT DAMN

have i mentioned that i fuckin hate how the varren, husks, and abominations are all armored on insanity

saving the collector base feels more like a bitter/unnerving victory instead of a triumphant/defiant one. more like "i hope i didnt just make a huge mistake handing that collector base to a terrorist group" lol

possibly one of my top favorite lines in the entire fucking series now which i have never heard before because i never picked the renegade options w him, thane: Just don't make the mistake I did. There's always another mission. None of them are an excuse to make yourself an island.

EVEN MIRANDA DOESNT APPROVE OF SAVING THE BASE "Before I started this mission, I never would've questioned our goals... I hope whatever Cerberus finds at that base is worth it."

Tela Vasir: I heard you weren't reinstated. Too bad -- you did good work. // so do all spectres respect shepard or something? even the corrupt ones? lmao

honestly liara's obviously unrequited love for shepard (if you romance someone else ofc) makes me so sad. like, she cries when she gets revenge on the person who stole ur body, dresses up when she comes to visit you on the normandy, says "funny, we're in the same room for the first time in 2yrs and we talk about anything but ourselves" like..... she misses and mourned and is still clearly kind of enraptured with shepard. i find it kind of sad and wish there was some kind of closure for her in shepards that romance someone else/no one at all. i hate the thought of liara falling in love at such a young age and pining for the rest of her life after shep dies. i switch back and forth btw if she actually has feelings for shep out of a savior crush bc it explains a lot of her behavior in 2, or if it’s just a young infatuation that she gets over by me3

honestly there is no quest that makes me respect ICT training more than Arrival. over two days shepard plows through how many enemies, including several engineers and pyros and two atlases, completely alone, with NO COMPLAINTS, and only gets taken out by a REAPER WAVE

me3

DONT KAIDAN ME THIS IS BUSINESS

rejecting chakwas is so fucking difficult and hard. if you dont invite her automatically she practically begs (ok she doesnt beg, but she does ask very sincerely and openly) to come back onto the normandy and then shep just.... says no, you can do more good here... and then turns around and recruits dr michel, who has never served on a warship before and doesnt know anybody’s medical history and is not nearly as experienced a doctor, so the choice to pick michel over chakwas makes absolutely no sense. like what the fuck lmao what a dick move shepard

yes i did cave and upgraded me3 to digital deluxe just for the hoodie and dog and extra guns. and it cost me $10. fuck

edi: “I would rather risk nonfunctionality with the crew of the Normandy, than risk it alone (by joining the reapers).” :’(((((((

i keep fucking forgetting how long the omega dlc is. god i never want to look at omega again. lydia definitely nods off/passes out from exhaustion in the back seat as bray drives the shuttle back to the normandy

after miranda’s death, joker: “Mordin, Wrex, Thane, Samara, Miranda… how long before it’s just you and me against the Reapers?”

citadel bits

the clone fight on insanity as a vanguard was not nearly as hard as the clone fight on insanity as a sentinel. what the fuck. i guess it’s a trade off because the solo fight through the strip against the mercs as a vangard was a pain in the ass, and the same fight as a sentinel was a cakewalk

HOW COME THE CLONE HAS INCINERATE EVEN WHEN I DONT LMAO

traynor rattles off lists of her conditions and shepard says she “didn’t realize people still had conditions like that anymore.” traynor says “the colony where I grew up has limited resources. you only have gene therapy if you have a life-threatening condition.“ analysis:

gene therapy to remove common diseases is prevalent enough that chronic conditions like asthma/allergies appear to be eliminated, and may be near extinction with gene therapy in most areas

HOWEVER since they're naturally occurring, they can always crop up, so gene therapy will always be necessary, unless/until scientists start messing with embryo biology?

shepard isn't shocked, just kind of mildly surprised that they're "still around", which makes me feel like gene therapy probably only became WIDELY used mb within the past ~50yrs? to the point of making asthma etc so rare that most humans might now never meet someone with them. ofc i imagine eb shepard would be less surprised that old diseases are still around bc she grew up in a poor inner city and was prob exposed/developed an immunity to them?

dslkf

citadel party

with miranda, samara, and wrex dead, there’s one fewer group in the first section of the party. javik joins the gang in the kitchen, grunt the gang in the living room, and zaeed the gang in the tv area. which resulted in some interesting lines for javik lol. i imagine he joined the tali/garrus/liara/sam gang bc he didnt know anybody else

the third high energy part with the gang on the balcony is rly cute. it's like liara is... idt flirty is the right word, but first she gets all heated challenging james to a pull-up contest, and then teases him that kaidan's lapping him. i think she just has a fondness for james

paying attention to the background chatter is just as entertaining as the normal banter. i caught so many funny jack kaidan and traynor lines

javik suggests that we do this (have a party) again if we survive the war! awww

joker and edi def still have feelings for each other and dance together -- or at least joker does, and edi kind of acts coy/like she’s still interested -- even if you tell them both not to pursue it. it’s prob just because bw didn’t intend for ppl to discourage them, but still interesting

you don’t get mordin’s datapad if you killed him... keely mentioned it’s prob because the stg knew what you did and i believe that

the voice over the radio trying to save her friend’s life while the soldier walks her through it is definitely femhawke. bw probably just reuses their actors so much i can recognize them all lmao

ending

if you sabotage the genophage/kill wrex it’s major kirrahe (or a misc salarian if he died i suppose) that’s giving commands to the troops and god that is so bleak

i shot tim and got his extra dying dialogue that i haven’t ever before.... i like that writing better than when he kills himself? but they’re both sort of poetic endings...... idk which is my favorite

ive never done control before and holy shit i do not like DO NOT LIKE DO NOT WANT. synthesis really creeped me out for a number of reasons but i thought control would be better for some reason? like, a sad kind of way? instead it was just..... super super unnerving LIKE SHEPARD LITERALLY DISINTEGRATES IN FRONT OF OUR EYES and then with that ending monologue and man i am never choosing control again i guess it’s destroy 2kforever for me

first time i told jack to put her students on the front line and they all died. god

caps with makeup-less shep!

[bartsugsy]

Ok, so ive been out of the Robron loop pretty much since 'The Incident' tm for various reasons, but ive been dipping in and out recently to see if the madness has continued and it looks like the worlds gone mental. Is there any way you could do a quick round-up of the events of the last month just so i can know what the heckles is going on?? Pretty please.

where… to start….

i know u said last month but time is meaningless so im just gonna give u the full jammy run down:

so our dear robert sugden, freshly single and hating every second of it, has set his sights on getting home farm and all the money and power that surely goes along with it - robert’s OG goal, i’m sure you’ll remember, that he had spent years working towards, before aaron came along and ruined everything by making robert feel inconvenient things like ‘happiness’ and ‘love’

rob sets the whole thing in motion when lawrence white, henceforth known as sugar daddy larry, suffers a hella convenient stroke because he’s always two steps away from death but never quite close enough. rob breaks into home farm and slips some sleeping pills into sugar daddy larry’s scotch - a drink his ex-fiance ronnie gave him that he has been indulging in bc alcohol numbs the pain of being alone. larry ends up in a permanent drunk and drugged out stupor whilst trying to recover from his stroke and rebecca is left to run home farm all by herself, because who needs employees when u have unqualified family.

chrissie would help, except at this point she doesn’t care about her family and is living her best life in the village doing… something and lookin fine. 

robert takes sugar daddy larry’s absence as a way to slide right into home farm and offers rebecca help and support, using the convenient excuse of her carrying his unborn son that he totally loves and cares for and is absolutely excited about oh boy howdy. rebecca gladly accepts this because she’s just one person and also because rob hired uncle tim to break into home farm and silently terrorise rebecca for a few days or whatever, just to put her on edge.

home farm is losing money and clients left, right and centre, because rebecca is single-handedly running a company she’s never even worked at before with literally no help, which is insane. someone contacts her about potentially investing in home farm by buying 30% - a wonderful lady named kath, from the company ‘rug tree bonds’, a very real and not at all unsubtle company that definitely exists in a legitimate and not even slightly suspicious way.

the company obviously belongs to robert sugden, because. well, of course it does.

anyway, somewhere along the way, sugar daddy larry starts to get better and doesn’t spend every waking minute buzzed out of his skull on sleeping pills and scotch. around this time, ace child liv flaherty returns to the village and, upon being caught up with the events she’s missed, reacts in the only way natural and goes and yells at robert and rebecca for fucking up the roblivion family.

rob, the second he’s out of rebecca’s earshot, finally comes clean to someone about how he’s feeling and literally yells I HATE HER AND THAT BABY. long story short, liv goes and yells at rebecca again, rob pretends like he never said any of the shit he totally said to save face bc he’s still workin on dat home farm cash and liv nicks some alcohol and also the keys to rob’s car and goes for a little joyride.

just so happens that she nicks the spiked bottle of scotch and ends up passed out in a field. rob finds her and takes her to hospital. aaron learns what has happened and goes mental at rob and it’s amazing. liv’s doctor is hella gay and hella cruising aaron and liv basically sets them up on a date and aaron is like YEAH SURE GUESS IM DATING THIS PERSON

AND ROB SEES AND HE’S LIKE WELL OK GUESS I DIDNT NEED MY HEART

AND THEN CRASHES THEIR DATE BECAUSE HE’S A FUCKIN LUNATIC

AND AARON IS LIKE GO THE FUCK AWAY ROBERT

AND ROB IS LIKE YES OK FINE HOPE MY HUSBAND MAKES U VERY HAPPY

and it’s just gr8.

anyway, rob sees the doctor rock up to the mill and aaron invite him in and naturally assumes they bang all night (they don’t bang at all and also aaron doesn’t really want to date anyone else bc it feels like cheating on rob and it’s just too soon) and from that point onwards robert basically loses his entire tiny mind. 

he goes and finds lawrence at home farm, drugs him a g a i n and then fakes a one night stand between the two of them

AND THEN ROB IS LIKE U TOOK ADVANTAGE OF ME, SUGAR DADDY LARRY

AND LARRY IS LIKE IM SO SORRY 

AND ROB IS LIKE :(

AND THEN ROB JUST SORT OF MAKES THE POINT TO HANG AROUND SUGAR DADDY LARRY AND SAY THINGS LIKE ~~I REALLY CARE ABOUT YOU~~~ WHILE WEARING SHIRTS THAT MAKE HIM LOOK EXTRA FUCKABLE BECAUSE HE WANTS ME TO SCOOP MY OWN EYEBALLS OUT WITH MY FISTS IN PAIN

ANYWAY, BECAUSE HE DID IT ONCE HE CAN DO IT AGAIN, ROB SLOWLY MAKES SUGAR DADDY LARRY’S FEELINGS FOR HIM RESURFACE AND GENTLY ENCOURAGES THEM, TO THE POINT WHERE SUGAR DADDY LARRY NOW PRETTY MUCH FEELS LIKE HE’S IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH ROBBO

AND SAYS STUFF TO HIM LIKE “I MISS YOU WHEN YOU’RE NOT HERE. DON’T GO.” AND ROB RESPONDS WITH AN “I WON’T” AND I WANT TO DIE

uh oh while this abomination of god and nature was occuring, lachlan got suspicious of robert’s constant presence and called in the big guns - his mum. 

chrissie comes back and is high key not trusting of the ex husband who ruined her life, who woulda thunk. rob, not prepared to let his home farm dreams go now when they are literally all he has left in the world, pays uncle tim to drive a fuckin speeding car into chrissie and a heavily pregnant rebecca. rob magically dives in to push chrissie out the way and save her life and she’s so stunned and grateful that she literally hugs him and ok she’s not completely on board the robert sugden loves us train after that, but she’s certainly not as suspicious about him as she once was

lucky however? that boy don’t trust shit, he knows robert sugden and he is not buying it. he also happens to be the only person in that household who is not attracted to men and thus has never had any desire to get up on rob. coincidence? i think not.

rob takes the opportunity of uncle tim being around to literally pretend to murder uncle tim!!! and then tell sugar daddy larry about it!!!! because murder is basically like writing a sonnet to sugar daddy larry - the most romantic gesture of all. 

oh and rob and sugar daddy larry keep almost kissing at different places around home farm and then keep getting interupted. maybe there is a god after all.

oh and aaron has been off on a lads on tour holiday around europe with some random mates, drinking shots and flirting with cute boys and living his best sunshiney life, while still being completely and utterly emotionally in a relationship with robert.

rob is just… doing The Most and not caring about the consequences, because maybe he had it right the first time. maybe money and power can buy happiness. apparently he doesn’t see any other options to find it, so. instead. he’s just. having this incredibly long breakdown that’s all going to end in disaster, the whites leaving and rob in hospital and probably hallucinating angels or some shit.

and that’s about it. so far. it’s been a #ride.

[diedsaving-moved-blog]

HEADCANON o12.  Let’s talk about Frank.

So clearly Frank Whathisname was terrible.  He was a SHIT guardian -- physically, mentally, & emotionally abusive.  an alcoholic.  controlling.  etc, etc.  He just wasn’t someone that should have been left to care for two young boys & that’s the bottom line.  I, personally, have a HUGE issue with the idea that Winona just up & left her kids with someone like him at the first available opportunity.  and i really have an issue with the idea ( presented in the comics ) that Frank provided a home for Winona & Jim & that Winona dismissed his behavior, told Jim to tolerate it because of that bc I have a HUGE issue with the idea that Winona would settle for someone who didn’t treat her with the utmost respect & care for her boys like they were his own.  so I do not support the whole step father thing.  I don’t even consider Frank a relative. 

there was always something a little off about him, but over all he appeared to be harmless.  he was a trusted farmhand to grandpa tiberius & gramma kirk who took on more & more responsibility as they grew older.  so the boys knew him, they spent their early years / childhood around him.  he always seemed to hold them at arm’s length, nor was he overly warm towards them, but he was never harsh.  he indulged their curiosities, didn’t mind too much if they followed him around as long as they didn’t directly get his in way as he went about daily chores or he repaired machinery or walked the fields.  he was simply someone who was always around since winona + the boys lived on the farm with george’s parents, & he earned the ‘uncle frank’ moniker because of that.

once winona made the difficult decision to return to work with starfleet ( where she was then stationed on tarsus iv as per the autobiography of james t kirk ) just before jim’s 9th birthday, the boys were only entrusted to frank’s care AFTER both grandparents had passed, which they did within months of each other. ( grandpa tiberius passed away due to the health complications that come with old age in the spring of 2243.  gramma kirk slipped away peacefully in her sleep later that year in november. )  & even then winona’s initial decision to remain off planet & keep the boys on earth was due to the time of year -- moving the boys would have disrupted their schooling.  the plan was for them to finish out the school year & join winona on tarsus during the summer break so they could adjust, & frank had been more than willing to accommodate, to stay on & maintain the farm through the winter & spring while caring for the boys.

so, really, the boys were only on their own with frank for a matter of months -- 6-9 months, max. which hardly made their experience with him & that chapter of their life okay, but it wasn’t as if they spent years alone with him while winona went on her merry way as some like to think, though it may have felt like it to jim & sam.  due to gramma kirk’s age, frank had essentially served as a primary caretaker for longer than the few months he spent alone with the boys.  his abuse was more subtle then, if only because gramma kirk was still alive & wouldn’t have stood for it -- meaning, frank would have been out of a steady job & income; if he was motivated by anything, it was that.  so it started quietly enough -- berating the boys for simple things like hiding frogs they caught in the quarry, verbally harassing them when they asked for permission to go to a friend’s house, etc.

once on his own without gramma kirk there, frank was high on the authority he was afforded, & the stress of responsibility ( the farm + two boys ) wasn’t something he handled very well. his outlet for that was alcohol & governing the boys.  he became increasingly strict with them impossibly so -- even before both the kirk grandparents had passed -- & volatile towards them. though a good student & pleasant child, jim was punished for the struggles he experienced with both ADHD & dyslexia to the point he was scared shitless to do anything BUT succeed. adolescent sam was governed with an iron fist. winona KNEW something was wrong, but with her hands tied behind her back by being lightyears away as she helped to establish a colony, there wasn’t much she could do.

of course that changed when shit hit the fan.  sam tried to run off & jim drove a car into the quarry at 11 -- all just before they were supposed to move during the summer months.  school be damned, winona arranged for jim to come to tarsus immediately while she pulled strings to get sam enrolled in a biology course at the university of chicago that he’d been interested in. sam never returned to iowa while jim wasn’t so lucky.  after pronounced fully recovered from tarsus at 15 ( he lived on tarsus from 11-14.  he was 13 at the time of the massacre. ), he encouraged his mom to return to work though he wanted nothing more than for her to stay with him ( because he wasn’t ready to go back off world -- he was terrified to do just that ).  as a minor, jim couldn’t stay on his own, attend school & run a farm, & like a shark sensing the blood in the water, frank wormed his way back into the picture.  jim dealt with the abuse frank dolled out -- often fighting back -- & hid it from his mom best he could.  ( though she always knew that something was wrong.  she watched him unravel right in front of her eyes. )  doing so wore on him, beat him down until he became the bitter, upset, angry, & difficult kid with authority issues & a chip on his shoulder the size of jupiter, a town drunk & local screw up by the young age of twenty, but that was better than admitting everything to his mom & causing her more grief though his refusal to break down & ask for help strained their relationship; the more he insisted he was fine, the more he thought he was protecting his mom & protecting her was the only kind of control he felt like he had so he CLUNG to it while letting the alcohol, the bar fights, the drugs dull the pain & struggle.

the years went on.  jim finally left iowa for starfleet & vowed not to return while frank was still in the state -- with his mom still ( mostly ) off-planet on various assignments & commissions, there wasn’t really a reason to.  of course, frank eventually vacated the farm house.  during the winter of his second year in the academy, jim received word frank was serving time in prison &, with his mom home & contemplating retirement, he returned to iowa for the holidays. preserving the farmhouse & ensuring his mom had a HOME once she did retire was always a dream of his, & jim toyed with the idea of testifying against frank when he received a request to appear in court for another trial against frank shortly before the battle for earth in 2258.  but the decision to do so wasn’t easy & with his loft school load, the invitation sat, more or less forgotten in his inbox.  following his return to earth & promotion to captain, he agreed to the invitation & testified during the summer whilst waiting for completion of repairs on the enterprise.  it was a relatively quiet affair, but he appeared, in full formal dress, & finally felt like he was able to breathe when the man was sentenced for life.