#like its much funnier than family guy

[hacksawboy]

american dad b plots are so funny istg the a plot will be someshit about like stan gambling the entire familys savings away and than the b plot will be some tomfuckery about roger going to hawaii to find a cool hat 😭

[lovely-parasite-04]

Iced Coffee, Detective?

Agnes!Agatha Harkness x Fem!Reader

Prologue of ?

SUMMARY: One of the victims of Westview goes a little further than everyone else to be nice to the town hero, Agatha Harkness, or Detective Agnes O'Connor. She doesn't know what she's getting into when the Detective asks her to come in for "further questioning."

WARNINGS: Mention of murder (its only like a sentence), Agatha being Agatha

NOTE: This is mostly experimental because I hardly ever write and when I do, it never sees the light of day. However, I am In Love with Agatha, and I never see anyone write much about when she was under Wanda's spell. The experimental part is that this is meant to be comical and reader doesn't immediately start out with a big fat crush on Madame Harkness. It's also more on the simple side in terms of plot. I'm posting this first little bit to see how people enjoy it, and if it gets a lot of attention, I'll try to write more.

"Large Americano for Agnes?" I shout from my corner behind the counter, swiftly setting the paper cup down as I see the familiar brunette make her way towards me. I turn to begin making another order, but stay put to ask the older woman, "Any new cases, detective? I heard you on the phone over there talking about a lot of work to get back to. "

Agnes (Agatha) takes a large sip of her iced coffee, testing the flavor and swallowing, before responding with, "I'm not supposed to talk about the investigation and I don't entertain rumors about how the victim passed." She barely made eye contact with me, but I'm shocked she didn't immediately leave after receiving her order. She is usually in a hurry to get her coffee and go.

"Oh... of course. Sorry." I have no idea what she heard me say, because I didn't mention anything about a victim. I know I don't necessarily have to play along with her delusions like I do; most people simply tell her to have a nice day and direct her towards the door, but I can't help but be fascinated by what she is going through.

Seeing it from the outside, anyway.

I was among the rest of Westview during the Scarlet Witch's spell. Just the thought of it sends a shiver down my spine. Losing control of everything but your mind can be terrifying, wanting to say something but saying something else. Being frozen in time until you were needed for a plot point for a completely deranged woman. Losing track of time and wondering if it will ever end.

Agatha Harkness had been a town hero, stopping Wanda Maxifmoff and freeing everyone in Westview. But now she was stuck in the same spell with no end in sight.

Her Nosy Neighbor character lasted for about 2 years and everything seemed to be normal. She would gossip with her closest neighbors and those who volunteered to check in on her and bring her groceries, and she pretty much kept to herself. However, her characters have started to derail into different "genres". The first shift the town noticed was around Christmas last year. She seemed to be acting out a Hallmark movie, following around this one guy while pretending she was just bumping into him and trying to show him the "true meaning of Christmas."

It was funnier to watch than any actual Hallmark movie I had ever seen. The guy was married with a family, and continued to tell Agatha as such until she shifted again. That was when I made the observation that in Agatha's delusions, she doesn't always hear exactly what we say. It's like her brain can't comprehend anything that doesn't fit the little world she's made, so it makes something else up entirely for her to play off of.

I'm also convinced that she is controlling her delusions now. Maybe not intentionally, but I no longer see the hold Wanda had over her. Maybe this spell that Agatha is under is different from ours. She has no control of her mind. We only had control of our minds.

I feel bad for her, and I'm really intrigued by her as a person in general - I mean she's a fucking witch from 1690's Salem - so I steal any chance I get to talk to her. It helps that she is a regular at the coffee shop I work at.

Back in the moment, I need to move to the other end of the counter to finish this new order, and I'm positive she'll walk away once I do. I simply say, "Have a nice day!" And start to step away when she surprises me again.

"You knew her, huh?" Holding the coffee close to her chest and mouthing at a straw she slipped in while I was lost in thought. She follows me around the counter, not bothering to mutter anything to the other customers she runs into along the way. Her whole focus is on me.

"I...knew who?"

She heard me that time, giving me the full name of someone I'd never heard of before.

"Oh, her? Yea. Yea, me and her go way back."

  I'm a sucker for improv, okay? What's the harm? Even if she found out I was lying, she can't hurt me. She lost all her magic. Right?

"If you don't mind, I'd like you to come with me back to the prescient, so I can ask you a few questions about the girl and the nights leading up to her death."

Well, fuck. My boss would never let me leave for this. A real cop, sure. The town cook? Absolutely not. "I'm sorry, detective O'Connor, I'd have to wait until I get off work."

"Relax, hon." She said condescendingly "Let's just wait until you get off work -" What a great and completely original idea, Agatha. "I'll give you my card and you give me a call later today, okay?"

She proceeds to hand me an index card with the name Wanda gave her, Detective Agnes O'Connor, above a phone number. On the back is her house address. All handwritten.

  Bless her heart.

  "Okay- I hope you don't hand these out to everyone..." The last part was more of an outside thought, and thankfully Agatha didn't seem to hear it anyway, waving over her shoulder and exiting.

----------------

[oh-no-its-bird]

I'm having. So many Uchiha Houhua thoughts. Like I know so much of his existence is geared towards survival but. The hc of Uchiha's use of war fans,I have to wonder if he ever finds him half heartedly fiddling with a delicate seeming Tessen, remebering an old friend now far gone, just as razor edged and yet still missed.

And it may be my own fondness for the concept of a spider summons but so much of spider behavior is "Please Leave Me Alone" which is very on brand for Houhua. Camouflage and careful, delicate and yet still so dangerous, setting invisible webs between leaves and waiting for the worse predators to pass. (Also using spider venom to fuck with his heartrate for the possum jutsu maybe?)

The entire concept is so delightful and I'm very thankful to have seen all your little tidbits on it

YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU SENT ME A STRAWPAGE I JUST SAW IT LAST NIGHT BUT FELL ASLEEP BEFORE I COULD COPY PASTE IT TO REPLY TO HERE!!!!!!!!!!!

Omg hi funny seeing you here (<- batting my eyelashes, twirling my hair)

Anyways I love this, actually. Like, a lot.

Ough,, Houhua unable to look at war fans without thinking about both SY and SQQ,,,

I think it's actually especially fun to think ab like. The difference in fighting style between (Japanese) Uchiha styled war fan techniques and (Chinese) Cang Qiong Sect war fan techniques. Not even counting the much more specific Qing Jing Peak style of fan techniques.

That also goes double for sword techniques, especially considering the plans for Houhua to go into sword smithing.

Houhua has literal decades of the Cang Qiong sect sword style engraved into his fucking bones. Into his soul, even, if you consider the whole 'cultivators swords are usually tied to their spirits in some way' thing.

He's going to have the worst time trying to switch to Uchiha sword styles-- though I think the sharingan + the unfamiliar, tiny body without all the muscle memory of his past life will help him at least get his footing

,, Hey, is muscle memory held in the actual muscle or is it held in the brain? That's a thought.

ALSO. THE SPIDERS.

I. I cant lie to u, you are making an amazing argument rn for him having a spider summons. I love the idea sm, I am now faced w the ultimate dilemma of choosing between a spider contract or a rat contract.

On one hand, they both carry undertones of like 'there might be a bit more to see here than just a coward' bc of the associated (mostly negative) connotations of rats and spiders both being like, underhanded, sneaky, that sort of thing. But the spider tho,,, ough,, it also shows a side of implied manipulation that might be fun just from the angle of like.

Yeah you'd expect him to have some sort of rodent contract but hes actually been designated spider coded by the universe, actually.

I forget if I posted this snippet yet or if I only posted it on the discord but take this really quick:

So like. This moment, where Kabuto bets Houhua will get some form of rodent contract (for obvious reasons) while Hana bets he gets a fucking worm. But now make it even funnier bc they're both wrong and he got a spider contract.

This could also maybe play interesting into Houhua and Kabuto's sort of ongoing quiet squinting in eachothers direction as they both go 'this guy isnt as simple as he seems...' as Kabuto mentally recalculates some of Houhua's behavior

This also can just bring out a pretty fun "hey so lets talk about in universe stereotypes and associations when it comes to summoning animals" which I just think is fun. Like, culturally, what does it mean to have a contracted animal? Do some people treat it like they might astrology personality tests? Do some people think its just nonsense and pure luck or not that deep?

For some people it probably isn't that deep, while for others (specifically those who might come from families who always have the same contract, or others who sign blank contracts where they really are sent to an animal that matches them best) it really is a good way to try and analyze them

And like. Where does that leave Houhua?

This could also just be fun for when he interacts w Orochimaru, who fucking hates bugs (insert my own personal favorite hc here that he hates them largely in part due to the many times he was stuck inside his own rotting body, infested with bugs)

And like, Houhua and Orochimaru will inevitably interact, though I'm not 100% sure on how it goes just yet. But like. Houhua having a spider contract and Orochimaru coincidentally hating spiders. Could be funny.

PLUS YOU'RE SO RIGHT FOR LIKE. SPIDER VENOM POSSIBLY PLAYING INTO HIS PLAYING DEAD ACT. UR SO SMART FOR THAT.

Anyways. Yeah ok I think spider contract Houhua would go pretty hard for multiple reasons. Give him a big fluffy spider with big ol eyes.

Houhua can maybe get another contract further down the line and then get the rodents he deserves.

Im so glad that you've been enjoying the SQH in naruto au nonsense I've been pumping out!! I'm like. Halfwayish done with chapter one but it keeps getting longer. I'll get there eventually.

I really need to update my tumblr vault with all the recent additions to the au but want to update it when I post the actual fic so I can link the fic to the chapter, so I'm holding off on that

Anyways, thank you for your ask!!

[shigayokagayama]

incomplete list of weird/interesting manga-anime discrepancies

-you know the bit where they break into the girls highschool in episode 2? yea thats chapter 56. spliced into the middle of chapter 4. its supposed to go before the bit with the ghost family as a lead up to the mogami arc with mob starting to consider evil spirits as just as much “people” as living humans are. all things considered its kind of weird how well it fits its anime placement

-ritsu in the manga gets introduced in the same chapter as teru. you dont see mobs family at all for the first few chapters. infact i dont think his parents appear until like. chapter 25????? every interaction you see between mob and any of his family is completely made up for the anime

-in the manga during the claw arc instead of reigen sending them away all the lackeys just stood there awkwardly during the fight w the scars fdnjksndkjgnd

-mogami arc got GUTTED my god. the part where the fake psychics tried to murder minori got removed, shinras role in the arc got reduced to basically nothing, they move mogamiland ritsu to a bridge like 50 feet away instead of having him walk right over mob, mob only gets beat up like twice, the cat lives, the boxcutter bit is totally removed, the fight with the spirits is made a lot more abstract and less graphic. like im glad this one took the hit instead of the separation arc bc i cant imagine that arc ever being effective as one episode but wow.

-putting the “mob finding his family dead” thing at the end of the episode instead of in the middle of a chapter where it originally was was an objectively hilarious move

-rip the scene of teru outsmarting all three claw guys and saying “say old man have you ever been tortured before” unfortunately all scenes of teru being competent are not plot relevant and must die. also teru can make shadow clones

-hey remember those weird satellite people in claw keeping the viewer updated on where all the characters were in that infinite arc?

-mob with a gun.

-mob getting briefly knocked out while fighting toichiro and dimple possessing him then getting kicked out was replaced w toichiro just throwing him out the window or somethhing???

-toichiro saying that he only kept the super five around as spare batteries and draining serizawas power getting cut was a personal affront to me

-every single emotion mob cycled through in the anime got a 100% meter. the kid was super emotionally unstable in that fight

-that old man whos house they went to whos wraith made everyone asleep that they exorcised? yea they anime team made that up. they never went to his house in the manga, he just went to spirits and such for a shoulder massage

-manga reigen got 0 money for helping the yokai dude. it wasnt on the table. also most of the stuff he was saying was lifted from a video game serizawa played which he pointed out. also serizawa thought getting arrested was a type of spell

-takenakas general meanness was significantly toned down manga takenaka was a huge bitch

-in general the alien arc was a lot funnier in the manga? like the scene where reigen crashes they had reached a dead end on an extremely narrow path and were driving in reverse while tome and takenaka were screaming at each other in the back and inukawa was 5 seconds from snapping and killing everyone in the car. these might be my favorite pages in the entire manga they as so fucking funny

-originally when tome said she wouldnt keep climbing reigen suggested mob carry her with telekinesis (which horrified her) and mob said he was too motion sick to use his powers (obvious lie) but could carry her instead which got her to get up

-mezato asking mob to sign a t shirt for the psycho helmet cult in exchange for relationship advice got cut

-i cry every day that the sequence of ???% waking up didnt get animated it set a very different tone than the anime did. the anime was like. slow build up of dread. the manga was immediately bone deep horror i was literally sitting in my room yelling “WHAT???” over and over again at my computer as i clicked through it

-shigeo and mob conversation cut down significantly, all the references to the body improvement club being mob making a new self rather than embracing who he really is and being scared that all the friends hes made wouldnt like the real him removed </3

-the scene where reigen takes his shoes off is made a lot less somber and depressing. it feels less like “oh he knows hes going to die” and more like. triumphant? in the anime

-100% shigeo kageyama is an anime addition they added specifically to ruin my “the first time we see mob 100% is to fight dimple and the last time is to stop himself from fighting dimple” observation

-anime teru generally seems like hes in a better place than manga teru? manga teru seems very melancholy and like he doesn’t really know what to do with his life or his place in the world (which seems to put shigeo off) but anime teru is like wanna go shopping ^_^ *sips tea happily*

-manga shigeo deliberately threw the cake directly in reigens face and my fury over them making this ambiguous will last until i am dead

[musicfranchisetournament]

propaganda under the cut !!

paradox live :

ive seen my friends talk about it and also theres this really pretty girl i thibk her name is anne? i wanna kiss her mwah

The world is set in the future where the hip hop artists have these cool Phantom Metals that produce cool illusions as they perform with the downside of the performers reliving their worst trauma after using it. Every group has their own theme, aesthetic, and music style Every character has canon trauma which perfect for angst Found family It's still going on They do April Fools on the fandom every year (2024 being an ad for a cat game)

charisma house :

genuinely what the fuck. i don't think i've seen a song franchise as bonkers as charisma house and i doubt i ever will. it's so entertaining and the characters are all unhinged in the best way possible. none of them are 100% good people at the end of the day and i think this just makes the whole ordeal even funnier. are you kidding me you have some random 19 yo who invites people to go live in a random house one day and they just go. the songs are so so good (most of the time. stares at my two exceptions) and whenever it's a full group song? they're always parodies of another common popular song which is so funny to me every time i hear them. i love charisma house and will defend it to the days end

It's so silly and entertaining:) the songs are sick and super catchy . The visuals are super unique .. and the concept of these eccentric crazy guys all living in a house together with the power of charisma has some super hilarious interactions.  Also charisma is the power that can save the world.. and if these guys get too overpowered with their charisma they go through yugioh style transformations and break out into song... so there is that little detail<3

they're just ordinary guys. music part aside the story is funny until it gets serious and then it's funny AND heartwrenching. music part?? group songs are based on nursery rhymes and they fucking suck but also go so hard. their solo songs all have their own genres and they're so. Aodhajhfhdhfbd Stream viva la liberation. 

Funny gay people living in a house together and all their songs parody children's songs, and all their music videos are like Cocomelon on crack. They're funny and they have a lovely found family dynamic. Very silly guys, I'm so normal about them.

Never in my life have i seen a piece of media change me this much as a person while doing the bare minimum. Perhaps the fact that it is the bare minimum and i still fell for it regardless says more about its power than any words could ever begin to describe. So utterly ridiculous in the most perfect way possible and so weirdly deep in also the best way possible but without forgetting its still fucking ridiculous. The appeal of Charisma House is that its Charisma House, and that same thing manages to be both its strength and its weakness, but its weakness is so grand it ends up becoming a strength, and perhaps its biggest strength by far. Talking about Charisma House makes me feel insane emotions because you cant describe it as good but you still know fully well its not bad either despite that being the easiest way to describe it. Sooner than later after so many episodes you'll end up realizing you have fell in its trap. Once you start caring. Once you start analyzing the miniscule tid bits of plot. Once all of that starts occurring you will soon come to realize you have been another victim of the mystical power Charisma House has on every single person that watches it. Or perhaps you just dont fucking care after 5 episodes and you leave it at that. This is perhaps the best option for everyone in the world. I wouldn't recommend this to anyone but the fact that i still do from time to time is because i want everyone else in the world to experience the unknown horrors of this media project until each and every one of them realize they have fallen down a hole they will never be able to escape. also Awwwww ohsebso cute i like ohse aaawwwww so cute 😍

[thatgaiagirl]

A Vaguely Unhinged Diatribe About Runeterra’s Countries and where the FUCK the Slavs are coming from

For the record; Accents in this fantasy universe should not be read into with as much meaning as I am about to read into them. Piltover and Zaun has not only Americans and the British, but also a few inexplicable Aussies and a Scot who may or may not be secretly Noxian? Not to mention how the only other person we know with a Scottish accent in this universe from memory is Lillia, who is a spirit from Ionia. Ionia being essentially Fantasy East Asia in this setting. It means nothing, and yet I am about to make an entire conspiracy theory about Viktor’s fucking accent so take alllll of this with a grain of salt (I mean for all we know that’s just what a strong Zaunite accent sounds like so)

ANYWAY

I have noticed a trend (AKA literally only 2 pieces of evidence) of potentially Slavic things being connected to Camavor of all places.

First: Vladimir. Now, it is obvious to literally anyone that he is only named that because of the Vampire connection (people connecting Dracula to Vlad the Impaler, Vlad becomes Vladimir etc etc). The fact that the name is Slavic is incidental. HOWEVER - it was revealed that the ‘lost kingdom’ Vladimir was a prince of was Camavor. A member of the Camavoran royal family has a Slavic name, despite Camavor being mostly coded Spanish?

The second piece of evidence is actually kind of funny - it’s Necrit. Basically for those not in the know Necrit is a YouTuber and is seen as the main ‘Lore Guy’ in the League community. Back when Riot Forge still existed they worked with Airship Syndicate to make an RPG set in the universe called The Ruined King. Necrit was added in as an NPC whose role in the plot is to literally lore dump at you. It’s great.

HOWEVER.

Necrit IRL is Czech. The in-game, lore canon version of him… IS CAMAVORAN. He is part of Viego’s court. Granted, the VA in the game sounds like he’s attempting to emulate a more Spanish sounding accent akin to Viego than copying Necrit’s accent (which does make sense) BUT THE POINT STILL STANDS.

I have come to two conclusions here.

The sensible conclusion is that Fantasy Eastern Europe is on the same hidden mystery Continent as Camavor and Kathkan. It IS an Eastern Continent so it does kind of make sense.

The infinitely funnier option is that there is no Fantasy Eastern Europe. It’s just Camavor. It was always Camavor. In the wake of the Ruination and the kingdom’s fall its people spread all over and their accents just sound like that now. Viktor was secretly Fantasy Spanish the whole time.

Though actually Viktor being a distant descendant of Camavoran refugees opens him up to some interesting parallels with Viego and obsession and accidentally causing an apocalypse when you were so sure you were doing the noble and heroic and correct thing-

NOPE WE’RE NOT GOING THERE THIS IS ALL WILD SPECULATION AND I SHOULD NOT TAKE IT SERIOUSLY AT ALL.

Anyway. Camavoran Viktor is theoretically possible now. Just wanted to curse you with that knowledge.

[ornii]

yo dude love your content!

can you maybe do Wenclair x Male reader whos a Skateboarder?

you can add your own twist in it if you want.

MoonWalker

This request reminded me of that Family Guy Edit

(If you know, you know lol)

Summer finally rolls around in Nevermore which means a 3 month break, and more importantly a Weekend of celebration. Your foot tapped the floor until the bell rang and finally freed you from the binds of school, students poured out and you took your board and headed for the halls of Nevermore and out to the quad, specifically searching for a certain Raven haired Girl. His eyes lock into the back of the head of the girl and you cup your hands and call out. “Hump Day!” You said and casually skate up to the girl. Wednesday Addams. You met Wednesday during a, night entanglement that you regret her seeing.

“What do you want (Y/n)?” She asks, you shrug and stop skating, but somehow the board continues to ride at its own pace.

“Came to see my Friend! Enid included of course, Where’s Enid? Her family already hounding her aren’t they?” You said, Wednesday continues to walk to her dorm.

“No. She knows I don’t like threesomes.”

“Oh, so she waiting for us? Well we shouldn’t keep her all by herself.” You gave her a small peck on the cheek, her body tensed up for a moment before a small look of relief washes over her face. But she calmly lets a very loaded question out.

“Are you going to tell her finally?” She asks you, it was obvious what she meant and it took you by surprise. You and Wednesday were pretty open with each other, she’s terrifyingly blunt about things so it was easy to be honest, Enid? Not so much. You still loved them both all the same. But telling Enid what you really are wasn’t easy, she thought you were a Werewolf like her, but that’s far from the truth.

Navajo culture calls them, Skinwalkers. Beings that could transform to multiple animals, even humans. Your culture saw Skinwalkers as the antethesis of Navajo cultural values. community healers and cultural workers are known as medicine men and women, Skinwalkers have no way to heal the sick, and are viewed as Witches, evil begins. It was easy to hide who you were, bur Wednesday figured it out pretty early on. But Enid, not so much.

You still remember the night Wednesday put it all together, you were stretching your hind legs running though the schools grounds free. Pacing like an animal you dart around, until you almost bump into Wednesday, who was standing there. You slowly backed away to try to act like an animal but it was pretty obvious by your stance.

“That’s Odd, a Coyote in Jericho? We’re far from the mountains, aren’t we (Y/n)?” She admits, it was awkward but the Coyote stood up on its hind legs, very calmly. The body began to more and gruesomely transform back into your human form. You two stood across from each other. That day Wednesdays saw you for who you really were. She kept it a secret, which you can respect, who knows the literal skeletons she has in hers.

Standing at the door, You gave Wednesday a nod to affirm and she opened it. Enid was actually painting her nails, her head jerks over to see you and Wednesday. She obviously was elated to see you both. “Besties!” She rushes over and hugs both of you, her blonde hair resting on your chest and You look over to see how annoyed Wednesday was, admittedly it was a lot funnier than you expected.

With school finally over, we can spend all day together!” She said, and Wednesday immediately put you on the spot.

“(Y/n) has something to tell you first.” She said, you wanted to say so less than nice things but you took it on the chin and took a deep breath.

“Okay.. Enid, im… not a Werwolf.” You say first, a look of confusion was on her face.

“I’m a… Skinwalker, i didn’t want you to think I was gonna curse you too. So I, hid who I was.. I’m sorry.” You could barely look her in the eyes, you felt her palms gently lift your face back up and she gave a tearful smile.

“I don’t care who or what you are, you’re my friend and nothing is gonna change that, okay?” She gave a deep hug and you happily took it, you held her for What seems to be forever. Cutting into this emotional moment, Wednesday groans.

“…You two are gross.”

[quitealotofsodapop]

I absolutely adore Tang River Water au!

I really like the idea that Tang accidentally drank water from this river and became pregnant just out of carelessness. It's too hilarious. An even funnier thing was that now their child is the rebirth of jade emperor. They can never have a break. Poor guys.

But for some reason it became very interesting to me what type of Tang will be during pregnancy? Will it be easy or will he be terribly emotional? Or something else, I would really look at it. I also think that he would really not like that when he tried to eat his husband's food, and then he started to feel sick just from the smell. He would definitely look at his stomach with anger and disappointment "you. traitor". And he would absolutely ask Pigsy to hold his belly in the later months of pregnancy.

I also really wonder how they would behave with their daughter. I know they love her, but I'm sure they're absolutely scared and DON't know what to do. I just want to know what they're planning to do. Will they overprotect her because she is the rebirth of the most powerful being in all of heaven? Or will they hide it? Maybe they will ask for help from heaven?

referencing.

Hehehe! I'm glad you like it!

Tang was just so thirsty after being in the desert (I believe is meant to be the Gobi) that he just leaps into the first water source he can find. Pigsy yells after him but Tang's already gulped down the yucky muddy stream water before Pigsy reminds him that there's a water purifier in the TEA. By then, the remnants of the Mother-Child River had already begun the process.

After his body adapts to the major magically-induced change, Tang ends up using his condition to get out of work/to get pampered on. Emotionally he's ok, just a little more worried than usual. And Pigsy is such an adoring spouse that Tang's symptoms rarely go unattended. Lots of cuddles and tummy rubs in the later months.

Ankles swell: "Oh Piggy~ My feet hurt." Morning Sickness: "I need tea and kisses!" Cravings: (Tang: "I require oranges, bao buns, ramune soda, takoyaki sauce-" Pigsy: "How about I leave you inside the Speedy Panda with 500 yuan and I close my eyes while you go shop?" Tang: "I love you so much piggy.") Smells: "MK you stink. Take a shower or I will literally barf." Painful Kicking: "Cuddle time." >:3

And if the *cicada* part of the Golden Cicada is acting up; he gets into carving/whittling - cicadas etch tree bark to lay their eggs. Pigsy now has many tables in the restaurant defaced with Tang's "masterpieces".

And I absolutely hit Tang with what (he believes) is the worst symptom on Earth; Food aversion. Specifically towards NOODLE SOUP. His husband's own cooking! He's distraught! Something about the combination of broth and noodles makes his stomach turn! Broth and noodles separate? Ok. Together? Instant morning sickness. He suspects its something to do with the texture of the noodles when their soggy.

Wukong: "Maybe your brain thinks its worms." Tang: *turns green and retches*

Pigsy goes out of his way to prepare dishes for Tang that don't set off his nausea, even if it means altering his traditional methods.

Pigsy: "Ok, I've been experimenting with a new dish for a while and I want your opinion." Tang, delighted: "Ooo hoho! You know I'll always be your taste tester, Piggy." Pigsy: *presents the elements of his noodle recipe* Tang: "Huh?" Pigsy: "You seemed really sad to not eat noodle soup, so I made a dry version so that you can still enjoy the flavours. The broth is on the side so you can drink it. The guy from the somen restaurant gave me some pointers." Tang, getting emotional: "You... you changed your recipe for me!?" Pigsy, grabbing Tang's hands: "Our family recipe, Tangy. That includes you and our little critic." Tang: *bursts out sobbing and shovels the dry noodle fixings into his mouth*

The baby - "Bao/宝/treasure or bundle" (also bao buns were one of Pigsy's cooking Tang could eat) - ultimately looks similar to a baby orc from Dungeon Meshi. A mostly chubby human baby with pig features. She has a puff of Tang's dark hair that becomes little black stripes on her back like a wild piglet.

What the baby takes after Pigsy in appearance, she takes from Tang in greediness. Before she's even off milk she'll try taking bites of other people's food. She's bold and confident, hilarious to anyone seeing a tiny piglet chasing Celestial soldiers like she's her own army.

And of course theres the issue of Bao being the reincarnation of one of the oldest and most powerful deities in taoism...

Pigsy and Tang are def the overprotective types, not so much for Bao being a powerful baby, but because every immortal seems to forget that she's still an uber-fragile preemie. Her health wasn't great when she was born (worsened by the circumstances around the birth). The freenoodles parents atleast have experience raising the little chaos monkey that was MK - the only difference being that Bao can't climb so good. Though she does seem to have control over the weather for some reason.

The Celestial Realm has to catch on quickly that she isn't the Jade Emperor anymore - she gets kidnapped atleast once by Heaven's officials needing the Emperor to approve paperwork. Bao screamed and grunted, rampaging around the imperial Palace the whole time.

The Queen Mother is saddened but adoring - her husband truly has passed on, but this little angel is a wonderful new beginning for him. She hopes to reunite in a later life.

Demons in general are pretty hopeful of Bao''s existance. Now that the Jade Emperor has been reborn on one of their kind - perhaps demonkind will be elevated once more? They'll have to wait until she's out of diapers before they start placing bets.

Princess Iron Fan's immediate reaction (after dealing with the shock of losing her estranged father) is to burst out; "HAH!" at the irony. Her father disapproved of her marriage to the Demon Bull King for his race - only to be reborn as a pig demon! The coincidence is hilarious! The Demon Bull fam does visit the baby girl to send their blessings, and offer advice based on how chaotic little Red was as a calf. Bao adores her giant uncle Bull since he's fluffy and big and smells like her baba when he cooks. She also gets super attached to Red Son for similar reasons - though Tang suspects it's because she smells grilled meat on him.

MK adores Bao, and will kill everything in the three Realms if anything happened to her. Bao in turn loves her big bro - even if she bites him and steals his food.

[tigerdrop]

Hi I pre-ordered the keychain and I'm very excited for it!! I wanted to know how you think it would go if Bill and Ford were to reunite at some point post Weirdmageddon, Bill is still incredibly obsessed with Ford (and likely that will never change), but Ford is angry at him because of the past, do you think they could work something out?

oh i absolutely do. i was just thinking about this the other day.......sure it would be healthier for both of them to cope and move on, but would it be more fun?? NO!!!!!!!!

i can make it work. im going to write this eventually but right now im working on a fic about the first time bill and ford hook up. but i can make it work

consider bill taking a lot of misguided lessons from his therapy sessions and thinking "well clearly the way to fix all of this and get sixer back is to go back in time and redo everything. but better this time". envision this going haywire in every way you would expect going back in time to fix things to do

even funnier if bill decides hes going to break out of the theraprism to do this. he Did not learn a fucking thing other than "if you are mean to somebody they might not like you anymore". mission accomplished

i think he could fuck things up so bad with time travel bullshit . it would be so funny. we all saw the fucking time travel episode, ok, now imagine something like that except with bill desperately trying to interrupt the timeline to show sixer that hes got Emotional Intelligence now, he did therapy, he made collages and lumpy clay hearts that he DIDNT smash into goop, and hes Better than the bill ford knew when he was younger. it would be so embarrassing to watch

my vision is that bill makes such a huge fucking mess of the timeline and of their dimension and it causes so many problems for so many people and they are all So mad at him. except, weirdly enough, for ford

the guys on trial for time crimes and the only one willing to say a nice thing about him is his dipshit ex with an ego bigger than god. because he actually feels touched that bill did all of this stuff just for him. and bill apologized, even if he doesnt fully understand the purpose of "apologies" or "contrition"

it hits ford square in the emotional intersection of "i never stopped thinking about bill even though he fucked me over and i never want to see him again" and "bill would cause this much trouble and this much chaos out of a misguided attempt to patch things up". he actually cares!!!

and its cartoons. its not like bill has to go to fucking time jail if i dont want him to. ford can abruptly interrupt to defend him out of nowhere while every single member of his family thinks he has lost his mind. the power of love (and time community service) can get him out of it. And it can work

ford never stopped being easy to flatter and having a god move heaven and earth just to make him happier is like the biggest ego boost known to man. so even if hes still hurt over everything i dont think he could resist feeling that special. that powerful

but now hes older and smarter and he doesnt have anything to offer bill. and bill doesnt have anything he wants anymore. except, you know. company

so i think ford is easily stupid enough to have one last pity date that turns into a second and a third and so on. its not like everything is fixed but bill showed that he was actually capable of emotional growth. he Did change. just for some dumbass human. which is crazayyyyyy

(and now at least 7 different people/creatures/entities would explode bill into 1 million pieces if he throws another fucking tantrum. and fords got that aluminum plate in his head......hes the one in control now. bill cant do anything except, maybe, break fords heart. which would also make everybody explode him)

everybody hates that bill shows up to family functions now but what can you do. sometimes the interdimensional dream demon that possessed you and slammed your hands in drawers ends up dating your grunkle. Its basically the same as having a stepdad

and they could fuck about it. The end

[theromanticrationalist]

My ‘The Big Bang Theory’ Rankings

Seasons 1 - 2: I haven’t watched all the episodes in these seasons, as it doesn’t really interest me because they were still trying to figure out the characters, so they feel rather one dimensional to me. Though, there are some cute Sheldon episodes/moments for sure! Mainly he and Penny had cute banter and chemistry!

Season 3: For a season without Amy, it is actually really good - well for TBBT. There are so many of my favorite Sheldon episodes and moments in this season! Also Raj was more prevalent as a character. It seems like they finally found their voice as a show and established their vibe. It is super fun and funny! I mean there are few snags still, but overall it’s a good one.

Seasons 4 - 5: Literally only watching for the Shamy! Their story arc and characterizations is what elevates what would otherwise be a pretty mediocre bunch of seasons. I don’t know why they took a nosedive with all the other storylines and characters. Maybe they only had enough braincells for Shamy?? I mean - fair. But literally everything is crap - Leonard and Penny’s on and off again situationship (their drama was SO ANNOYING), Howard and Bernadette’s whole thing (like what was even their point?? It wasn’t until they became a family that I found their characters and stories had any purpose, e.g. Howard actually becoming a man and learning to be the father he didn’t have. Bernadette’s character became funnier too in later seasons, even if she never was my favorite.) Raj’s characterization was instantly thrown out the window for an absurd string of increasingly bizarre scenarios that were really pathetic. (Why didn’t they keep him and Lucy together as a couple?? I’ll never understand that.) Too many stupid, puerile sex jokes, politically incorrect jokes, cringy nerd jokes, and not nearly enough science. Just give me the Shamy! … who were so perfect, of course! Early Shamy in the beginning of their courtship was really special. ❤️

Seasons 6 - 11: This to me is where the show really shines the best! Each of these seasons just gets increasingly better and better, until it culminates in the Royal Wedding of Weddings! 🦢✨ Raj’s character, unfortunately, doesn’t improve much, but that is its one downside. I love rewatching these seasons so much! I mean mainly for the Shamy (although I never rewatch The Hiatus) but the other character stories get more interesting, as Leonard/Penny and Howard/Bernadette become more established. There is so MUCH more science, as we actually get to see the characters doing their respective jobs. And of course, Sheldon and Amy developing their Nobel Prize winning “super asymmetry” model which perfectly and symbolically represented their journey together as a couple. To me The Big Bang Theory is literally about Sheldon and Amy’s love story, that is what the title refers to, imo. This show will always be the greatest rom-com ever told, following the patterns and story beats of that genre. That‘a why these season are the “meat” of the show.

Season 12: After experiencing the high of seeing newly-wedded Shamy life and their eventual overcoming obstacles to achieve the Nobel Prize, this season is mostly a dud. For the final season of a beloved sitcom, it is actually pretty disappointing in all respects. It is boring even in many parts. It is like they didn’t actually know what to do with the characters at this point in the game (even though I feel like the show could have written itself, it had everything, but whatever) - other than building towards Sheldon Cooper’s inevitable Nobel Prize win. Weirdly, that meant they suddenly developed a HUGE interest in Raj’s character, like “Oh yeah! We need to actually DO something with this guy before this thing ends!” And his story with Anu was really good and developed his character in unexpected and wonderful ways. However, of course, in the season finale they were like: “JK! We are resetting him to factory settings! Har Har Har!” - which completely nullified literally everything they had built in regards to his character - so, there’s that. sigh.

Anyway, did I mention Shamy?? Because that’s what this whole shabang is all about! 😍😍😍

[godza]

which korean webnovels you should read: the elise guide. my only authority is that im very autistic over each of these things and have gotten very far into all. if you see this in the tags no you dont this is for my mutuals!!!

the starter: orv. the gateway drug of webnovels. tumblrs favorite. i cant write a better pitch than whats already been said. yes it is longer than the bible but thats rookie numbers. read if you like found family full of assholes, unreliable narrators, and plot twists youll be thinking about for days and picking your memory apart with a fine tooth comb over.

the wish fulfillment: tcf. guy accidentally adopts three children and several adults. he just wants to chill but he keeps being forced to save the world. very well written every chapter makes me giggle and kick my feet. 800+ chapters and ongoing but im fucking committed. read for a pathetic sopping wet meow meow who everybody instinctively wants to protect despite him paradoxically being weak and able to kick their asses. he takes his kids on family fieldtrips to loot and murder across several universes.

the kpop: dod. its funnier if you dont know a damn thing about kpop but is more understandable if you do. guy has to debut as a kpop idol, or die trying. title self explanatory. its balls to the walls ridiculous but simultaneously really sad. the protag suffers everyday but its funny as he does it. really realistic depictions of korean stan twitter and all internet in general. guy begrudgingly gets friends against his will but is okay with it eventually

my roman empire: sssrh. i will die out of excitement if you read this. guy kills himself 4000 times, kills someone else for revenge, and then is normal again. well not normal entirely hes still messed up from killing himself 4000 times but yknow. he is the nicest little guy ever and gets many friends after never having any. he also gets a husband (wife) who he loves so much its known everywhere. he tries to give lesbian god therapy, and makes all his enemies like him eventually because he keeps resurrecting them. except for the guy he killed himself a million times to kill he makes him dance perpetually and work in a cafe. the comic is also fantastic it has recently adapted the part where [my mouth is covered because i will talk about it for hours] at its core the message is humans need connections to be stable and it says a fuck ton of stuff about family i want to elaborate on but my brain is too jumbled. read it read it read it ill stab myself out of joy if you do

[videogamelover99]

[Gravity Falls] Waking Days Ch. 9: Confrontation

Summary: Bill Cipher is reborn, but not in the way he would have wanted. Stuck as a mortal and relying on those who brought his downfall, he realizes that maybe he didn't lie as hard as he should have. [AO3 Link] Characters: Bill Cipher, Mabel Pines, Dipper Pines, Stanford Pines, Stanley Pines, Jheselbraum the Unswerving, The Axolotl Pairings: past BillFord Rating: T

The flash had been blinding, and once it cleared, everyone in its vicinity had vanished.

Coming out of the pet shop with a newly adopted axolotl sitting snugly in a tank under his arm, Dipper took approximately 30 seconds to start panicking. He saw Stan, looking just as bewildered as Dipper, and ran toward him. “Oh man, what was that?! What do we do?”

“Uh.” Stan leaned over to pick up something from the floor. It looked like a small, heart-shaped golden locket. Stan turned the locket over, knocked on it a few times, and tried to bend it with his teeth. “Yup. This sure is real gold, alright.”

“How is that gonna help us? Everyone just got sucked into a wormhole or, or-”

“Look, not that I’m not an expert on family members getting sucked into weird portals…” Stan made a face. “That was funnier in my head. But whatever's left of ‘em is this thing, which makes me think it’s not just a great thing to pawn off back at the shop.”

Dipper gently put down the axolotl tank and took the locket, turning it over in his hands. It was smooth, apparently real solid gold, and about the size of a cherry. Dipper tried to open it, but it wouldn’t budge, the seam shut tight. Dipper shook it. Nothing rattled. He was about to try to take Stan’s advice and bite it when his thumb brushed over a rough patch on its otherwise smooth surface. He squinted at incredibly tiny writing on the side near the hinge. “Wait, look at this. ‘Property of the Love God. XOXO. DO NOT STEAL’.”

“Love God, isn’t that some weirdo that showed up to that music festival the kids love so much?”

“Yeah,” said Dipper. “He was also an actual god. I think if we find him, we might find what happened to Grunkle Ford and Mabel and…everyone.”

“Sure, finding a god. How hard could that be?" Stan finally noticed the tank near Dipper’s feet. “What’s with the weird pet? We got enough problems in the house."

“He’s, uh…” Trying to explain Bill's riddle to Stan would be worse than pulling teeth. At least a dentist wouldn't feel like an idiot for doing his job. "A clue?”

“Right,” said Stan, not daring to pry into it any longer. “You take the lead on this one, kid. Why does it feel like I’m forgetting something?”

“Hey guys!” They turned to see Soos running up to them, juggling four hot dogs in between his fingers. “You would not believe what’s up with that hot dog vendor. He told like, the craziest story…Hey, where’d everybody go?”

—

The first thing Ford felt upon waking up was a headache. The second thing was that the ground under him was soft, too soft for them to still be at the mall. He sat up, rubbing his head, and realized he’d lost his glasses. Luckily, he had several pairs hidden on his person for this very occasion.

He popped on a new pair of glasses and looked around.

The ground under him turned out to be a plush, velvet couch of a subtle shade of pink. He was in some sort of wide, cavern-like room, with off-white walls, candles floating under the spacious ceiling, and lacy pink curtains hanging over the windows. White tiles lined the floor, so spotless he could see his reflection. In the center of the room emerged a white marble fountain, spewing out curtains of water around the figure of a baby-like creature with a bow and arrow. The arrows were tipped with little hearts.

A cherub.

Ford was starting to put together where he’d ended up. And it didn’t look great.

He spotted Nora and Melody on a similar couch a few feet away, just beginning to stir from the slumber they’d been put under. On the other side lay the man who’d called himself a wizard, curled up around his suitcase.

Beside him, that infernal voice spoke: “Ow…”

Bill sat up next to him. He rubbed his eyes and squinted against the brightness of the chamber. “What-” His eyes found Ford’s and he opened his mouth, no doubt to make another horrible comment when he noticed the fountain in the middle of the room. “Oh, you’ve gotta be kidding me.”

Ford ignored him, searching for his niece. She seemed to be waking up as well, her head propped on the foot of the couch. Ford knelt next to her and looked her over. “Woah,” she said, looking around the room in wonder.

Ford couldn’t blame her dazed expression. He could feel the air brimming with magic, not unlike the feeling just after taking a shot of cosmic sand. “You’re not hurt?”

Mabel shook her head. “Where are we?”

“What a lovely question!” A voice said from above. Ford looked up.

It was a woman, or at least, Ford was pretty sure it was a woman, but in his thirty years of traveling the multiverse, he had learned that it was always better to ask. She was small, almost as short as Mabel, wearing a beautiful baby-pink suit and heels. Her large blue eyes peeked through a pair of stylish cat-eye glasses. She held a clipboard in her hands as she hovered above their heads, a pair of white, fluffy wings beating in unison, too small to keep her above ground by any reasonable measure of physics.

“You, my dear, are in the Love Goddess’s Center of Relationship Rehabilitation! We pride ourselves in helping couples, friends, family, and mortal enemies to find honest communication and mutual understanding! My name is Hermaphroditus (all pronouns are welcome!), and I will be your host!” She said it like she was reading a well-rehearsed script. “Now, before we start, there are some guidelines I’d like to establish. First!”

“Um, excuse me-,” Melody spoke up.

“-No physical, quantum or magical weaponry of any kind! If you have any weapons currently on you, please deposit them in the lobby, into the designated receptacle.” A white plastic bin with a caution sign on the front materialized beneath her. “Usually, this isn’t much of an issue…” She pulled out a small, transparent device, about the size and shape of a portable phone, and scanned them one by one before her eyes landed on Ford. “...Sir, why do you have an arsenal of interdimensional weaponry on your person?”

Ford had the sense to feel a little embarrassed to have gone bowling with a 100-kilowatt laser pistol under his coat if it wasn’t a force of habit. “I have only what’s necessary.”

He expected a smart-ass comment from Bill. Instead, Bill sat down and started untying his shoe.

“Actually, we’re-” Melody began, only to be cut off again.

“No matter!” The cherub snapped her fingers and the gun at Ford’s side vanished instantly. And so did the knife in his boot. And the magnet gun. And the spare quantum grenade. All the weapons materialized inside the plastic bin, only for the bin to also vanish in a blast of pink smoke. Ford fought the urge to grasp at his empty holster. “Please follow the instructions before you enter the facility! Now, rule number two: always keep your hands and feet inside the external barrier, especially during the trials! Seriously, we’ve had too many accidents and none of them looked pretty. Third, you must always- Agk!” Hermaphroditus dropped the clipboard as a size 10 shoe hit her square on the forehead, skewing her glasses.

Bill cackled.

The cherub straightened her glasses and glared daggers at Bill. “Sir, refrain-”

Bill cut her off. “Alright, Bird-brain, listen up! I don’t care about whatever lousy speech your mommy prepared for you because I’m not supposed to be here! Someone-” He shot a look at Nora. “Got me roped in all of this, and I want out.”

Hermaphroditus looked confused. “Not supposed to be here?”

Ford cleared his throat. “Actually, none of us are. You see, that man over there-” He pointed at Excelsior, who was just beginning to stir- “Transported us here against our will. This is all a misunderstanding.”

“Misunderstanding?”

“Yes?”

The woman blinked at him once, twice, then darted to the ground, picked up her clipboard and started shuffling through the pages. “Aha. ‘If a guest goes back on their contract halfway through the session-’”

Bill started pulling off his other shoe.

“But we didn’t agree to anything!” Mabel said. “It was all that guy! He was being a total creep to Melody!”

Melody smiled politely and didn’t say a word. She looked like she wanted to fall through the floor and disappear.

The cherub looked up from her clipboard. Now she seemed strangely nervous, which made Ford feel uneasy.

“I see…” she said. “One moment please.”

Then she POOFED out of existence in a cloud of pink smoke.

“It looks like we’ll be stuck here for quite a while,” said Ford.

Bill groaned and went to hunt for his missing shoe. Ford hoped it fell into the fountain.

“Oh, I know!” said Mabel. “Let’s all take turns telling each other weird stories, that works great to pass the time!”

“Great idea, I’ll start!” Bill seemed to have found his, unfortunately dry, shoe, and shoved it back onto his foot, fumbling with the laces. “There was a time Sixer-”

Before Ford could march over there and pummel him for daring to say anything possibly compromising to his niece, someone else beat him to it. Bill squawked and jumped back as a fist almost collided with his face.

Excelsior the Wizard stood in front of Bill, hands balled into fists. “You ruined everything!”

—

Deep in the Love Goddess’s Center of Relationship Rehabilitation, in a dimension very different from our own, was the center office. Hermaphroditus scrambled behind the door, panicking, and hurried across a long, silver bridge to the circular podium in the center.

As they crossed the bridge, dozens of fountains sprung up behind them on either side, following their path. They always thought it was a little extra, but the first rookie mistake one makes on the job was criticizing one’s boss.

Especially if said boss also happens to be their mother.

In the center of the platform, framed by a shimmering waterfall that cascaded from the ceiling, in a golden throne sat the most beautiful woman in ten thousand dimensions.

Numerous floating displays surrounded the Love Goddess, casing a faint magical glow over her features. She hummed something under her breath as she adjusted a dial on one of the displays.

Hermaphroditus cleared their throat.

The Goddess blinked up from her screen. “What is it, dear?”

“We might have a problem.”

—

“Woah, woah, woah!” Bill backed away quickly, raising his hands in front of his face.

Mabel watched as Excelsior the Wizard swung another punch, only to barely miss as Bill ducked out of the way. The man lunged at Bill, only to trip over his own coattails. He quickly recovered, tossing his coat over his shoulder. “This was supposed to be my chance! You weren’t supposed to be here! None of you were!”

Bill backed up until his legs hit the fountain. “That ain’t exactly my problem, pal!”

The Wizard guy lunged at Bill. The demon ducked out of the way, and the man’s momentum carried him face-first into the fountain, sending several gallons of water over the edge.

Mabel couldn’t help but giggle. Excelsior sat up and coughed up water. The spray from the top of the marble statue trickled down the top of his head.

Melody stepped forward. “Lukas…”

“You think this is funny?!” Excelsior raged, glaring at Mabel.

Ford took a step forward, putting a hand on her shoulder. “That’s enough. I don’t know what you were planning to-”

But Excelsior jumped out of the fountain and ran for his suitcase. He flung it open, and pulled out his magic wand.

He aimed the wand at Mabel and Ford tried to push her out of the way.

The wand…fizzled out in a handful of sparkles. Excelsior stared at it, uncomprehending.

“That does not work here,” said Nora, walking over calmly to stand next to them. “Neither does any other magic item. It’s a constructed dimension, the only magic that’s permitted is its own. But again, what do I know? I’m just a mediocre, wanna-be magician.”

Realizing he had nothing he could use against them, the man looked between the five of them in humiliated horror. Melody avoided his gaze, staring at the ground.

“I’ll be taking this,” said Ford, and ripped the wand and suitcase out of his hands.

They assembled a little bit away from the wizard in a makeshift huddle.

“We need to get out of here,” said Melody.

“Why are we discussing this with him?” Ford snapped.

“I’m stuck here just like the rest of you!” Bill snapped. “I get it, your favorite pastime is inventing scenarios where you thwart my ‘evil plans’ or whatever, but obsessed much?”

“You are literally evil!”

“Eh, morality is relative.”

“You-!” Ford took a breath, balling his hands into fists. He pointed an accusatory finger at Bill. “I don’t know what you were doing with my grand-niece, but whatever you’re planning-”

“She asked me to help her!”

“Don’t think I can’t see right through-”

“Oh, here we go. Stoke your own ego enough, Fordsy? Cause you and I both know which one of us is best at that.”

“Ahem.” The boys both froze when Nora cleared her throat. “As entertaining as this is, we still have a problem. Well, two problems.” She cast a pointed look in Excelsior’s direction.

Mabel chose that moment to speak up, hoping to soothe some of the tension. “And Bill wasn’t up to anything, Grunkle Ford. I asked him to come with us. For a mystery.”

Ford looked at a loss. “...I suppose…I suppose we should figure out where we are, and how to get back,” he said hesitantly.

“Well, we know where we are,” said Nora. “The cherub we just spoke to laid it out quite nicely. The ‘Love Goddess’s Center of Relationship Rehabilitation.’”

“So, couples therapy,” said Mabel. That jerk of a wizard wanted to send himself, along with Melody, to magical couples therapy. On the one hand, super thoughtful if they were dating! Which they weren’t, because Melody had been happily paired with Soos for the past year, and as far as Mabel was concerned, it better stay that way. Her ultimate relationship chart would be completely unbalanced otherwise.

“That’s a simplistic way of looking at it,” said Nora. She frowned at the high ceilings. “I heard the Love Goddess as a more…approachable type. I suppose a few thousand years can change a person.”

“Who is this ‘Love Goddess’?” asked Melody.

“Oh! You might know her better by one of her human aliases. Aphrodite, Yue Lao, Hathor…this is her domain,” Nora gestured at the room around them. “A dimension composed entirely by magic. What we’re seeing is just an illusion, there is most likely nothing but a vacuum behind these walls.”

Bill rolled his eyes, but Mabel was sure it was a miracle that he stayed quiet through Nora’s speech.

“Can’t we just wait for that cherub to come back and explain what happened?” asked Melody.

“Ha! That’s funny,” said Bill. “You haven’t met her, toots. LG’s not, uh, a type to just let us go without getting something out of it. Fun at parties, though!”

“Okay…” Melody frowned. “How do we get out, then?”

“The thing about artificial dimensions is that they are inherently unstable,” said Nora. “Think of it like that movie, uh…The Matrix? Look out for any flaws in the illusion. We might be able to get through to a different space-time within this universe.”

“Or,” said Mabel. “We could do those relationship trials!”

“No!” all of the adults yelled simultaneously. Mabel huffed.

—

Interesting.

The Love Goddess tapped her perfectly manicured nails against the console, a small smile forming on her lips. She watched the six occupants of the room argue with each other.

“Should we send them back?” Hermaphroditus asked, clutching their clipboard.

“No,” said the Goddess. A brilliant idea overcame her. She pulled up another display and generated six nodes, idly playing with different pairings and configurations. Should it be worst to best? Chronological? Random?

No. This combination would get the best results possible. Love Goddess sent the node configuration over, and her child looked at it with weary agreement. “This is going to be very interesting.”

—

They broke apart to look for something that could get them out. Mabel sidled up next to Melody and put a comforting hand on her arm. “Hey, how’s it going?”

Melody offered a barely-there smile. “It’s going.”

Mabel shot a look at the Wizard. He was watching them from across the room, curled up in a defeated little hunch. “That guy-”

“Let’s not talk about him,” Melody said quickly. She knocked on the wall a few times. “I dunno, is this weird enough to be one of those flaws your alien friend mentioned?”

Mabel frowned, but let Melody change the subject. She pressed her ear to the wall, concentrating hard to hear…anything. It just seemed like a regular wall to her.

She wondered if this place was anything like Mabel Land. And shuddered. That wasn’t…her at her best by a long shot. And besides, there wasn’t anything she wanted to forget more.

Mabel Land was perfect, except when she finally decided to stop being a willing prisoner. Then it showed its true colors.

Was Dipper right? Was she just falling for a new illusion? She thought she’d been careful, it’s not like she really trusted him.

Did she?

Mabel didn’t realize she was staring at Bill. He had his back to her, deep in another heated argument with Ford.

“Are you okay?” Melody asked. She followed Mabel’s gaze. “Oh man, yeah…How’s it going with, uh, the king of demons or whatever? I heard last year was a real nightmare. Literally. Soos had literal nightmares about it.”

So had she.

“What? I’m fine,” said Mabel, smiling and rolling her eyes. “Bill’s not the king of demons, he’s more like…the frat boy party guy. Of demons. And he’s none of those things now, so…” She pointed a thumb at her chest. “I’m rehabilitating him!”

“Uh.” Melody did not seem reassured by that statement. “So he really isn’t dangerous?”

“Nope! Not at all!”

“That’s good, then. I was worried about you and Dipper, you know? You’re both just kids.”

“Sister, you don’t know the half of it!”

Bill wasn’t dangerous. He wasn’t! She’s seen him trip over a fold in the carpet, get scared of his own cough, and get defeated by tickles. Twice. Mabel had it covered.

And he wasn't tricking her, even if he thought he was. It wasn't like…before. She knew better now, knew how to see through whatever lies he told her.

She wouldn't make the same mistake again.

That’s when she noticed something odd with the cherub statue.

She pointed at the head, where she could see, just for a second, the eyes darting back and forth, trained on them for a split second before staring at the ground. “Look at that! That’s so creepy.”

“Yeah.” The two of them approached the fountain, looking up at the cherub’s face. Again, those eyes. “That shouldn’t be happening, right?”

“Nora said this place is like, super magical, but-!” Mabel hopped on top of the statue and grabbed the cherub’s cheeks, staring intensely at its face. “Speak to me, magic man!”

Then one of her feet slipped, and Mabel held onto the head for dear life before she could fall, dangling in the air. There was a creak, and then a SNAP, as the neck broke.

“...He’s resting,” said Mabel.

“Did you find something?” Grunkle Ford called as he approached the statue.

Inside a compartment in the neck sat a big red button.

Mabel loved big red buttons. She pushed it.

In a shower of pink, glittery sparkles, the statue and the fountain disintegrated. Mabel fell five feet down, and Ford caught her before she could hit the ground. He lifted her up and cheered. “Mabel, you found it!”

“Huh,” Nora came up next to them, examining the new, fountain-sized hole in the ground. “I suppose they had their own emergency exit.”

Inside the hole was darkness, not unlike the neverending darkness of the bottomless pit. It didn’t look very welcoming.

“That doesn’t look very friendly,” said Melody, as if voicing Mabel’s thoughts.

“It should be fine,” said Nora. “The in-between space-”

“Yeah, yeah, we know,” Bill said impatiently. “What do we do about Mr. Excel Sheet?” He pointed a thumb at Melody’s creepy Ex.

“It’s Excelsior!” the wizard snapped.

“Wow! No one cares!”

Suddenly, Hermaphroditus appeared above them with a POOF. “We’ve extensively reviewed your file, and-” She froze, looking past them at the hole in the ground.

“No time,” said Ford, taking Mabel by the hand. “Let’s go!”

—

Hermaphroditus watched as the five people he’d been tasked with reforming disappeared into one of the facility’s emergency exits. He looked past it in shock, at the young man in the trench coat still sitting in the corner.

“Don’t look at me, I don't know them!”

He really wished Mother would just fire him. It would be so much easier.

—

“So where exactly do we find this guy?”

“Uh,” Dipper buckled his seat belt and crossed his fingers that Stan had his cataracts fixed as they pulled out of the parking lot. “Last time, he was one of the musicians on the setlist. But the festival is still a month away…Well, it's not like he can be across the country, right? That locket had to come from somewhere.” Dipper pulled the locket out to examine it again.

“We could start knocking down doors and harassing people,” Stan suggested.

“I could put up some posters-”

Dipper realized this would take a while. And who knew what Mabel and Ford were up against?

He really…hated how he left things with Mabel. It didn't take long for Dipper to realize that Bill really had nothing to do with that rift. If he had, he would have done everything to prevent them from seeing it. Unless this was a sort of double ruse?

It didn't matter. Once this was all over, Dipper would show Ford and Stan the rift. They’d know what to do. Right now, they needed to find Mabel.

“Got it!” Soos piped up from the backseat. That's when Dipper realized he had his laptop open the whole time, and had been furiously typing while Dipper and Stan debated on whether Toby Determined could be bribed with food.

Soos flipped over the laptop to show them the screen. “Check it out, dudes!”

He had pulled up an article with the title: “Musician Found in Portland, Millions of Fans Left Heartbroken”. Underneath was a blurry picture of a blond, plus-sized man in a pink shirt attacking the camera with a slipper. Behind him, in front of a beautiful two-story house stood an older woman in a bathrobe, smoking a cigar and unphased by the commotion. You could barely make out the address printed on top of the front door.

“That’s him!” Dipper said. “He’s in Portland?”

Stan suddenly made a U-turn in a lane that was definitely illegal to make U-turns in. The approaching car honked loudly as he cut it off.

“How’d you find that so fast?” asked Dipper once his insides didn’t feel rearranged anymore.

“I have my ways,” Soos said sagely. Then he took off his hat and twisted it nervously. “Besides, we gotta find them fast, right? I hope Melody’s alright, dudes.”

Right. Soos was worried about his girlfriend. Mabel was as familiar with all this weirdness as Dipper. Ford thrived in it. Nora seemed perfectly capable and Bill…Bill was the weirdness.

Melody wasn’t like them. She hadn’t been through Weirdmaggedon or half of the adventures they’d been on last summer. No wonder Soos was worried. Dipper hoped she was alright.

—

Melody opened her eyes, trying to rub the black spots in her vision away, and looked around.

She was sitting in a dimly lit corridor. Fluorescent lights buzzed overhead, casting stark shadows against plain, pink wallpaper and white, carpeted floor. Aside from the consistent color scheme, it almost looked like a completely different building. More backroom office vibe than a remodeled Greek temple.

“This is just like being back in the dating pool,” Melody muttered.

She was also alone. They must’ve been split up when they jumped through that dark…hole…portal thing.

Cautiously, she made her way down the corridor. There were no doors, no windows, and no signs. The only thing different was that the corridor turned left fifty feet down. She peaked behind the corner.

Rows upon rows of office desks filled a large, warehouse-like space. The same pink-and-white color scheme prevailed, out of place with the cubicles and office lights.

She crept slowly forward, darting behind a plastic potted plant. Two cherubs in the same uniform as Hermaphroditus were talking in front of the water cooler, their backs turned to her.

“I’m telling you, it’s inflation!”

“You just haven’t been saving up. When I was your age-”

“When you were my age, galactic smoothies cost twice as little.”

“Buy less galactic smoothies!”

“I like living, thanks!”

Melody searched for an exit sign or a window or something. The only other place to go was behind the nearest cubicle.

She took a risk, darting by as soon as the cherubs’ conversation got heated. Thankfully, the cubicle was empty. She crouched under the desk and tried to think of a plan.

“Ooh, I think these two would work really well together!”

Mabel.

It came from somewhere deeper within the cubicle maze, a harsh, loud whisper among the clicking of keyboards.

“You think so?” Another voice replied.

“Yeah! Opposites attract! Plus, they admire the qualities they both share. That’s very important.”

“Wow, kid, you’re good at this.”

“You know it, dog.”

Melody slowly crawled toward the voices.

“Now these two…these are tough.”

“Yeah. I don’t even know where to start. If I can’t meet the quota-”

“Hm. I can see a rivalry thing going on. Maybe some juicy shared history? Ooh, pull up their childhood files!”

“Where did you learn this stuff?”

“Romcoms and teen magazines, mostly.”

A few cubicles down, Melody spotted them. Mabel was sitting on the desk, chatting with a young-looking cherub that was perched in one of the uncomfortable-looking office chairs. They were both staring intensely at the screen and arguing over very complex-looking diagrams. The cherub had an “INTERN” label pinned to the front of their shirt.

“Mabel?”

Mabel looked up from the screen. “Melody! You’re here!” She jumped down, dragged Melody by the arm, and yanked her inside the cubicle. “This is Jeff! Say hi, Jeff! This is my friend’s/adopted second uncle’s girlfriend! Which makes her my adopted second almost-aunt-in-law!”

“Hi,” said Jeff shyly. “Nice to meet you, Mabel’s adopted second…aunt…?”

“Melody.” She looked at Mabel. “Do you know what happened? Where are the others?”

“Nope!” said Mabel. She didn’t look worried. If anything, she looked downright giddy. “We all got split up, I guess. Must be one of those things that happens with magical portals.”

“Right.” Melody decided she wasn’t gonna think about it for too long. “We should find them, then.”

“We will! Jeff said he could get us info on where they might be. I promised to help him with his assignments, first.”

“I’m supposed to arrange the romantic pairings in Cincinnati for the week,” said Jeff.

“And I’m kind of an expert,” Mabel bragged. “Anyway, I think those two should run into each other. You know, like at the laundromat. Somewhere they haven’t seen each other before. Showing a side of each other they haven’t seen before.”

Jeff typed something into the computer eagerly. “And then?”

Melody sat down. This was going to take a while.

—

“Lovely,” said Nora. “I suppose I’m stuck here with you.”

“Believe me, the feeling’s mutual.”

They looked down the thirty-foot gap between their room and the next. On the other side was a large door, above which sat a stone cherub, bow at the ready, its face smugly staring down the center of the room.

“Didn’t think she’d go for the dungeon aesthetic,” Bill admitted. Because that’s exactly what this place looked like, rendered, of course, in a bold choice of white and bright pink. Aside from the spikes at the bottom of the gap, some of the tiles on the floor were clearly rigged as pressure plates. Who knew what fun things each one did? One way to find out!

Nora yanked him back before he could press on the one closest to them. “Are you suicidal, or did your body get twice as less brain cells as the old one?”

“I was incorporeal! I had no-! Wait-”

“Ah. That explains so much.”

He’d walked right into that one. Bill couldn’t even be properly angry about it. “What’s it gonna do, huh? Summon a cherub to start telling us the virtues of friendship? Throw magic love potion glitter in our faces?” Okay, maybe that last one was kind of scary to think about. “LG’s style is less dismemberment and more never-minding-her-own-business.”

“Oh, you two got along well, then. On both accounts.”

She tried to make it sound like an insult. Hilarious. It was like she forgot who she was talking to. “You got any better ideas?”

“Actually, I do.” Nora walked over to the wall behind them and started…feeling around.

“Wow. Why don’t you ask that wall out for dinner first?”

“Oh, grow up,” she said. Despite the words, her tone was insufferably calm. “This must be one of the trials. This means there should also be a safety hatch, in case one of the workers gets trapped here by accident. I just need to find it.”

“Uh-huh.” Bill sat down and propped his back against the neighboring wall. “Have fun with that.” He closed his eyes.

There was a funny thing that happened whenever Seven Eyes showed up. There was the anger, obviously, the indescribable, indomitable rage that bubbled to the surface. Had Bill gained all his powers back, he would have incinerated her on the spot, the lousy, ungrateful traitor that she was.

No, the funny thing wasn’t the rage, it was the other thing. A feeling that reared its head in the back of his mind and stifled the anger until it was almost painful.

It was like the stab of hot coals he felt when he was in Mabel’s dream, but quieter. It was like when-

Don’t. Shut up.

Bill didn’t realize he was clenching his fist until he felt the sting on his palms from where his nails tore through the flesh.

He didn’t remember what he was thinking about, but he didn’t have to. The noises from the other side of the room turned into very frustrated ones.

He opened his eyes and saw Seven Eyes sitting down on the ground, glaring at the other side of the pit.

"Aren't you the one with all the fun gadgets? Didn't think you'd give up so easily."

She completely ignored him. Seriously?

“Hey.”

“...”

“Hey, Seven Eyes.”

“...”

“What, don’t have any comebacks?”

“...”

“Come on, you can’t seriously keep this up forever.”

“...”

“Hey.”

“...”

“Right, you think you’re so above me to have a conversation.”

“...”

“Why would I want to talk to you?”

“...”

“Hey.”

“...”

“Nora.”

“Oh dear Axolotl, would you please shut up? Or are you truly not capable of that?”

Bill grinned. “Gotcha.”

Nora’s pissed-off look turned confused for a moment. “What?”

“Oh come on, you think I can’t see through that cute little role you’re playing.” Bill put his hands together in mock prayer. “‘Oh great Oracle, please tell me if my crops are gonna save my ass at the market next season’, please.”

“Projecting much?” Nora’s tone was sharp like she was holding something back.

“Hey, at least I did it with a lot more style! And personality!”

“Debatable.”

“You think you’re better than me because you stabbed me in the back?” Bill snapped. “You think I don’t know exactly what you did to get there? How many Sixers did you convince to play the hero? How many made it back? At least I offered Stanford power. Immortality. On a silver platter!”

“You killed them.”

“Oh yeah.” Bill scratched his nose. “You shoulda known better, huh? Oh wait, you did!” He tapped a finger on the side of his eye. Nora’s own gaze was like daggers, which would have screamed danger had he not known she was as powerless as he was, for the time being. He caught something else in her eyes, a glimpse of something brittle. The feeling he didn’t want to think about was flooded by the anger, the betrayal, and suddenly Bill wanted nothing more than to break it. “And now you’re playing besties with Sixer, been there done that! He’s falling for it cause you give him one word of encouragement and he folds. But I know you.”

He held that brittle thing in his hand, he could feel it. One thumb pressed too hard, and it would shatter.

Why would you do this?

You were friends.

“You might've pulled a few tricks from your dead sister, but you can't fool me."

Nora said nothing. She stared at him for a long time. And that brittle thing-

Retreated as she bent over laughing.

“WHAT?!” Bill threw his hands up in frustration. “What’s so funny?!”

She just kept laughing like she’d heard the funniest joke in a trillion years. Bill suddenly remembered how much he hated being the butt of one, especially to her.

Before he could try pushing her into the pit and maybe testing if those spikes were real, she wiped her eyes and grinned at him.

“You know,” she said. “I wish you were at least half the person I believed you to be."

Bill stared at her.

The cherub above the door, across from the pit, let out a loud, cheerful DING like a contestant on a game show got the right answer.

The floor tiles on the other side of the pit shifted, rearranging themselves until they created a thin bridge halfway down the pit, too far to jump, but close enough to be a temptation.

“Oh,” said Nora. “I get it now.”

And then the room shattered into a million particles as reality itself changed for the whims of the one who willed it.

“Bravo,” said the Love Goddess. “Now we can really begin.”

---

[next]

[prev]

[first]

[coredrill]

as foretold, bang brave bang bravern was crazy good this week

it's just. gosh. for as much as i talk abt bravern being unhinged the fact of the matter is that it is actually SO restrained. ESPECIALLY for something in a medium that is already a little self-indulgent and referential. like for all of bravern himself's clear love for mecha there have been so few explicit references to other shows? and then this ep had so fucking many - ttgl (which - fucking hilarious to use it against a character KONISHI is voicing and then have that DD be fucking useless except for wanting to see some cool fights LSKDJFH) and flcl and symmetrical docking and rider kick and jeeg and gundam and the fuckin uhhhhhhhh exkaiser i think but i dont remember for sure its the same one that showed up in the earlier fight w superbia too. like w the other mecha on the roof framing. and probably about thirty more that i'm for sure missing or not recognizing or forgetting ON TOP OF all the obari posing and punching which have been sneaking into the visuals before this - but it was all for the purpose of having us watch this hype battle and get all excited to make the ending hit THAT much harder. and holding off the first gattai until episode NINE???? the thing we're all expecting to happen at any fucking moment, because there was no way that the souls of isami and bravern could've combined and actually resonated for a true gattai until that point????? like it's ALL in service of the story rather than wow cool robot even tho it IS a pretty damn cool robot. this show makes me feel like i did my homework and i'm acing the test AND I HAVENT EVEN WATCHED THAT MUCH MECHA TBH. LMFAO. all the "who is this show even FOR (eyeroll emoji)" comments back in like ep2 get funnier every week bc bravern knows its audience like the back of its hand and it gets clearer and clearer every week that its execution is fucking razor sharp. this show is SO SUCKING GOOD and I LOVE IT. that was supposed to say fucking good but sucking works too

the fucking NOISE superbia makes when bravern is like "don't u want to fight me when i'm EVEN STRONGER" took me the FUCK out

[gets beer sponsorship] [makes Consumption Of Food And Drink a tether point to Humanity] [out-cooks the cooking show] i'm gonna buy more kona beer (<- fucking hates beer)

fish jumpscare !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i honestly don't think i've seen any anime with a fucking ED DROP before. lmfao

lewis smith. you want so badly to be the protagonist. to be the rival. to be the one who dies to motivate the hero. to be the MECHA ITSELF. and yet you are the love interest!!! you are GOING to be saved whether you want it or not!!! you ARE rain mikamura. you ARE the heroine. Let Isami Save You. you've got a family of people who fuck with time in different and fun ways to save each other and its his turn now whether you like it or not!!!!!!!!

he rly did put that mask back on right before he died…………..subtext, cowards, so on and so forth

thanks bravern for inventing gay ppl. was surprised to get a literal love confession AND an almost-kiss here but tbh at this point i think isami could use a good old-fashioned hug more than anything else. like one of those that cracks his spine. poor baby rice cracker is goin thru it LMAO. also i keep calling isami baby rice cracker and i cannot stop myself anymore………..baby rice cracker…………

me after saying every week that this show has done something to my brain "guys i think this show has done something to my brain"

wow this post is allover the place moreso than usual. like i said earlier this ep was so fucking DENSE and GOOD that i'm gonna need some time to process All That. gosh. [bravern voice] BRAAAAAAVEEEERN!!!!!!!!!!!

[lazaruspiss]

BREASTFEEDING GONE SEXUAL 👀👀👀👀

it sounds waaaaayyyy funnier than it actually is, and its a big multi chapter one. at first it was just "what if jaydick breastfeeding kink" but it ended up veering into dark fic pretty much immediately. content warning: domestic abuse, grooming, forced miscarriage, probably other stuff. idk man, this ones nasty

the outline is at 18 chapters but i havent gotten close to figuring out a conclusion so it would definitely end up longer. im trying to figure out how to describe it... omegaverse and mpreg, u could probably guess that from the title. bruce is so awful that even i feel like its branched into OOC territory? im bruces number one hater and even im looking at this plot like "hey now. thats a bit much."

starts out as brudick (very stockholm syndrome-y) but transitions it jaydick (codependent and weird. sibling, mother-puppy, generally unhealthy but in a mutually destructive way as opposed to just being abusive like brudick is in this) and i think (?) ends in a sort of. very traumatized household. idk i think killing everyone off might be easier than making them cope or whatever.

ueghhh why can i not understand my own notes. ok. no capes. alpha bruce, omega dick (15 at the beginning, 18 after a timeskip in the middle), and this pup bruce brings home in the hopes that itll distract dick from complaining about being pregnant. bruces pro gamer strat backfires but thats later. dick has baby dami bc whatever, i say it so thats how it is.

ohh wow. yeah i havent worked on this in a while. bruce kicking out a pregnant 18 y/o and a 14 y/o to fend for themselves is the /good/ timeline. i have too many notes to remember all this so ur getting my live reaction to rereading whatever the fuck past me was into.

okokok i thing im getting somewhere. first chunk is dick-jason-baby developing as a family while bruce is. hm. hes just a shitbag pretty much. plot pushing bad guy. timmy is also there, peeking his lil head above the fence kinda guy. jason turns out to be an alpha, bruce seems happy to now begin alpha father-son bonding activities and starts keeping him away from dick. blah blah sexism or whatever. bruce gets dick pregnant again, jason takes care of him like he did the first time dick was pregnant but bc hes an alpha now bruce gets pissy about it. jaydick happens, theres a bit of a choose ur own adventure at that point where bruce either throws them both out or uh. how do i put this. baby be gone? via violent and non doctor recommended method? yeah. and thats pretty much where past me got stuck.

[thegeminisage]

ok, its time for a QUICK tng update before xm*s proceedings. saturday we did "best of both worlds part ii" and "family" and last night we did "brothers" and "suddenly human."

best of both worlds part ii: I LOOOOOVED THIS EPISODE. mwah. EVERYTHING i wanted. creepy little cyborg implants. brainwashed picard. his beautiful perfect cgi tear (which may or may not have been cgi, this is a point of debate, experts please weigh in). data bravely doing a robot mind meld. 1000000/10 more borg episodes please please PLEASE

can you imagine if the borg has ben in tos btw. what a thought experiment, except for how i quite literally can't think about it or i'll get so excited i'll pass out

did guinan imply she and picard were lovers in this ep...girl you can do better

my one nitpick with william riker was him promoting that lady he hated instead of someone who deserved it, like worf or data. it probably would have given worf ptsd but can you imagine that enterprise having a captain and first officer being gay on the bridge again...wonderful. except this time there would also be deanna <3

"how much do you remember" "everything" AHAHAHAHA GREAT. GOOD. WONDERFUL. anyway

family: extremely unusual episode but i loved it nonetheless. i was really shocked worf's parents were so sweet!!! i fucking loved them. they're like the cutest people on earth i can't believe they raised such a taciturn and stoic guy like worf...

picard's family i wasn't sure about at first until the wrestling match in the mud. sometimes you need to punch a guy and his brother stepped up to the job admirably. i kept thinking he looked like michael caine, which would have been an incredible choice.

WESLEY.....................................................we don't need to talk about it

everyone's accents in this ep were wack. why does picard have a totally different accent from his brother. why is worf's accent different from his parents. ik its not that deep but its making me crrrazzzyyy

brothers: i didnt even get a look at the title of this episode before we started bc vumoo (the shady site im using to watch) doesn't display them but it was SUCH an unexpected pleasure to get a data episode

absolutely scuh-reaming at the ease with which he hijacked an ENTIRE goddamn starship. he's so competent i love that. a real "glad he's on OUR side" moment, not unlike spock commandeering the enterprise in "the menagerie" (rip i wish that had been a better episode).

lore grew on me really fast. i was neutral on him during his last appearance, the meme aside, but in this episode he was really fun and unsettling. brent spiner can do horrible, horrible things with his face

this ep felt a little cut off? i expected another confrontation with lore, a getting back of the chip, or at least some kind of burial or funeral for dr soong, but we just quit like 3/4 through the episode. maybe less time spent on the opening section of the hijack could have fixed this

anyway i love the foil between data and lore...one has support and the other does not...but it doesn't make sense for lore to get the emotions chip because it seems like he already HAS them??

oh yeah and data repeating "i am not less perfect than lore" got funnier EVERY time he did it. little man was really going thru it i was cracking up genuinely <3

suddenly human: this episode was wack

ok, did you guys read face on the milk carton when you were in school? i did when i was way too young to be reading it and it fucked me up real bad and i completely forgot about it until i watched this episode and then i got to unlock that memory in real time

anyway, while it is obviously the correct choice to return a child to their family when they are kidnapped as babies, it is also hugely traumatic for an older child to be ripped away from a loving home* and transplanted with strangers, which those books explore in horrific detail. so the whole episode i found myself going "i KNOW it's bad politics but could they not just CONSIDER leaving him with the only family he's ever known as a possible choice" and then they DID THAT and i wanted to be ill because it was obviously the worst choice in the world

* this is a different scenario than the first tng episode involving kidnapped children, which strongly resembled the residential schools from real life. THIS particular situation, minus the method of kidnapping (during warfare), more closely resembled the crazy cult shit happening in those books, where the kidnapped girl was being raised by people who thought they really were her biological grandparents and weren't bad people and her biological family also weren't bad people. a "no fault" situation EXCEPT FOR HE KIDNAPPENED THAT BABY DURING WARFARE.

anyway this is the second time tng has dropped the ball on this subject so i think from now on they should not do episodes like this anymore. really really really really bad.

NEXT TIME: "remember me" and "legacy"

[pico-digital-studios]

Into, Across and Beyond! Scripting: Hues of Trouble

(Please read this post if you're only seeing this scene now. It'll bring to light some... troubling stuff that's happened lately around Hues of Metal and its creator.)

Dimension HOM-2023 - Eggman's Mountain Base

OMT!Tails slipped into the base, activating his nanomachine suit to avoid triggering the alarms.

OMT!Tails: Alright, I'm in. From what Skye told me, Melody should be in here somewhere. I just gotta be careful not to run into any of the robots here. They're no S.S.S.S.S. Squad, so they won't be fooled by disguises.

He headed forward, hearing a conversation nearby.

Metallix: ...and what's even funnier is that after Sonic chases down the Eggrobo AND the Prototype, Mk. II has a chance to go kill Sonic! But instead, he goes out of his way to assassinate the person he hired to assassinate Sonic!!!

Mecha Mk. I / Silver Sonic / Carl: Why the fuck would he do that when he had Sonic in his sights?

Metallix (amused): I don't know. But it's absolutely HYSTERICAL! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

OMT!Tails slipped past them. Soon enough, he hid as he noticed Metal Sonic and Prototype holding Melody hostage.

Metal Sonic: Okay, ma'am. Your attitude will not be getting you outta this one so easily. So I'm going to ask ONE last time; where did you come from, and for what reason?

Prototype: Yeah! Better start answering if you don't wanna get blown up.

Melody: Information of my universe is to be kept between me and my family, thank you very much!

Metal Sonic: Great. Of COURSE she won't tell us anything.

Melody: I mean, what else would you expect me to do? Talk on and on about other worlds? It'd overload your circuits just thinking about it, tin-buckets.

Metal Sonic: Tin-?! (angry gibberish) Okay, I've had it with you! Prototype, get her escorted to another area of the base!

Prototype: Right away! Come along, missy.

Melody: Name's Melody!

Prototype: Okay, whatever. Come on!

Prototype left with Melody in tow as OMT!Tails stepped out of hiding, Metal hearing the footsteps behind him.

Metal Sonic: Wait. Who's-?

He saw OMT!Tails in his nanomachine suit.

Metal Sonic: Hold on... I don't remember Eggman commissioning another Tails robot. Only one we have is Tails Doll.

OMT!Tails: Oh, me? I was recently manufactured! I'm... Steel Tails Version 0.9!

Metal Sonic: Aww, brilliant! A pleasure to meet you, new guy!

They shook hands.

OMT!Tails: (Heh. It actually fooled him?)

Metal Sonic: Right. So, duties, duties...

OMT!Tails: We'll think about that later. Right now, a different Sonic is coming here after having chased me.

Metal Sonic: A "different" one? How different is he? Does he carry dancing bananas in a backpack? Is he not quite AS fast as Sonic?

OMT!Tails: Well, red pupils, different shoes, 10 times more aggressive, wants to define people's fates...

Metal Sonic: Urgh... I hate that guy even more than Sonic, and we haven't even met yet. Well, sounds like we need to prepare. Come along, Steel!

OMT!Tails: Alright!

As they prepared to walk off, OMT!Tails suddenly shook in sudden pain.

OMT!Tails: Argh!

Metal Sonic: S-Steel?

OMT!Tails got up as Metal noticed something under his eyes that shocked him.

Metal Sonic: Uh, Steel... Your eyes? They're, uh...

OMT!Tails: Huh? What's going on?

Metal Sonic: There's... red oil coming out of them?

OMT!Tails, confused, wiped under one of his eyes and looked in horror, looking away in upset.

OMT!Tails: (T-The virus... It got me...)

Metal Sonic: Steel, are you alright?

OMT!Tails: M-My body's infected with a virus...

Metal Sonic: Like a computer one? Right. I'll take you in for repairs immediately!

OMT!Tails: No no no no! I'll get it "patched" when I return to the base I came from.

Metal Sonic: Steel, I'm tryin' to look out for you here. We've only just met, and you need sorting out. What if it gets worse when the dark-and-edgy Sonic gets here?

OMT!Tails: L-Let's not think about that, Metal. It's why I won't stay for long.

Metal Sonic: Right. Okay, come on. I swear, I'm gonna have to chastise Prototype for his oil arrangement later... "Sort it by taste", my screws...

They walked across the base grounds.

OMT!Tails: So, in return for me helping you fend off the intruder, I've just got one thing to ask.

Metal Sonic: Yes?

OMT!Tails: I need to take the, er, prisoner you were with before with me.

Metal Sonic: Well, a deal's a deal. Plus she needs to be more careful with her mouth.

OMT!Tails: Right.

OMT!Tails wiped under his eyes to keep the blood from getting worse.

Metal Sonic: So what do you need that girl- er, "Melody", for anyways?

OMT!Tails: Well, mainly to get her back to her dimension before things get out of hand.

Metal Sonic: Right. So I presume that you were manufactured at one of those-?

Suddenly, the area shook as alarms blared.

OMT!Tails: Uh oh! He's here!

Metal Sonic: Darn it! We need to hurry!

Metal took Tails's hand as they sped ahead, finding where Metallix was.

Metal Sonic: Metallix!

Metallix: Huh? What's the rush now, Metal?

Metal Sonic: A really aggressive Sonic just broke in and is tearing things asunder!

Metallix: That explains all the ruckus. (through a nearby loudspeaker) The lot of you, get over to this area! There's an intruder fast approaching!

On cue, Rocket Metal, Prototype, Mk. II and Silver Sonic showed up with Mecha-Knuckles.

Mecha Sonic Mk. II: Bet you a can of oil that it's Sonic.

OMT!Tails: Oh, it's Sonic, alright. Just not (y)our Sonic.

Silver Sonic: What do you mean not our Sonic?

Silver Sonic's question was answered as LM!Sonic approached, prompting the robots to get into combat positions.

LM!Sonic: You seven shouldn't be a part of this. Hand the kid over, and nobody gets hurt!

Rocket Metal: Like, nice try, ya scoundrel! I know yas for what you really are! You're one of those stereotypical Australian tourists! You come to mock us for doing stuff the way WE wanna do it?! Dis-cos-tan!!!

LM!Sonic: Hmph. One to talk for someone who HAS a constant Australian accent.

Metallix: You're that "dark-and-edgy" Sonic? Pah! Destroying you won't take long. Now, let's dance, hedgehog!

Metallix led the charge, knocking LM!Sonic backwards.

Mecha-Knuckles (using a Heavy Weapons Guy voice chip): Kill them all? Good idea! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Mecha-Knuckles charged with the others as Prototype readied his rocket launcher...

"ROCKET LAUNCHER!"

...and charged into the fray with the others.

Metal Sonic: If you wanna get that prisoner, Steel, now's your chance. Once you're done that, get back outta here! If we get the chance, we'll do better introductions another time!

Metal dashed off as OMT!Tails fled to the other direction to find Melody. The fight continued with the Hues of Metal working together to fend off LM!Sonic, who put up one heck of a fight against all seven of them.

Mecha Sonic Mk. II: Hold still so we can destroy you already, creep!

Mecha-Knuckles: Here I come!

Mecha-Knuckles tackled LM!Sonic into a laser barrier area, accidentally getting himself stuck with LM!Sonic in that same area as Metal and Prototype caught up.

LM!Sonic: Lights out, "knuckle-head"!

LM!Sonic, energised by a fraction of each Chaos Emerald, threw a water bolt at Mecha-Knuckles, who promptly began malfunctioning.

Mecha-Knuckles: Oh, this is b-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-!

And then he exploded as LM!Sonic turned his attention to the barriers locking him inside.

Metal Sonic: So you think you can define how we go about our lives?! Sicko. Prototype, hit that lever!

Prototype did so, setting off the pistons to attack LM!Sonic with.

Prototype: That should hold him for a bit, but not for long.

Metal Sonic: Then we'd better up our game!

Metal's eyes flickered as he prepared to get serious. Over with OMT!Tails, he raced full-speed toward a pair of Motobugs hauling Melody away, smashing them both and freeing the critters inside.

OMT!Tails: Gotcha!

Melody: Huh?! Are you another of those robots?!

OMT!Tails lowered his disguise to reveal his true identity.

OMT!Tails: No. I'm Tails!

Melody: Another version of my dad?

OMT!Tails: Yeah. And I'm getting you back out of here to find your brother.

Melody: Thanks. That means a lot.

However, Metallix was coming back to find OMT!Tails, realising that he got duped before.

Metallix: Hey! Nobody said you could make off with that prisoner, fox!

OMT!Tails: Uh, Metal did earlier.

Metallix: What?! You mean-?! GRR! I'm literally surrounded by idiots here! I'll deal with you myself while they're dealing with that Sonic!

Metallix charged at them as they bolted it through the base. One of the rooms they had to escape through was a storage compartment of boxes, and when they knocked some over on the way out, out spilled a few Dancing Bananas onto the floor as Metallix slowed down.

Metallix: What do you think you're doing?! That took me four weeks to fully sort out! Don't either of you know the dangers of a Danc... ing...?!

Metallix realised too late he was in range of the knocked over bunch that were about to explode.

Dancing Bananas (all at once): I LIKE CEREAL!

Metallix: GAH-!

BOOM!

Outside, the explosion rocked the area Tails and Melody were escaping to.

Melody: We tripped BOMBS in there?

OMT!Tails: I didn't see what was in those crates.

Metallix boosted at full speed, knocking OMT!Tails into a wall and causing the bleeding eyes to show again.

OMT!Tails: Oh, no...

Metallix: You may have duped the other robots, but I'm smarter than the rest of them!

He got ready to do one last attack to kill OMT!Tails.

Metallix: Any last words, Miles Prower?!

OMT!Tails: Well, um... Super Mario Bros. Z still isn't canon?

Metallix reacted in shock to that, trying to charge at OMT!Tails...

Metallix: Shi-!

...before disappearing into thin air.

OMT!Tails: Phew!

Melody: How did you do that?

OMT!Tails: Guess it's something that upsets him. Let's make tracks before he reappears again!

OMT!Tails activated a warp ring to get them out.

Melody: Oh! Before we go...

OMT!Tails: Huh?

Melody wiped under his eyes for him.

OMT!Tails: I was about to do that, but... thanks!

Melody: Anytime!

They made their leave. Back where the battle was, Metal was managing to wipe the floor with LM!Sonic on his own.

LM!Sonic: GAH! How?!

Metal Sonic: They don't call me Metal Sonic for no reason! Now, you wanna clear it back where you came from, or do we have to incinerate you or capture you to siphon your power?

LM!Sonic twitched on the spot, a slasher smile sporting to show that his sanity was dwindling fast.

LM!Sonic: Heheheheheheh... Alright, scrap can! You wanna kill me? Well, too bad, freak!

He unleashed a massive shockwave that knocked the 5 robots backwards.

LM!Sonic: No being will be able to stop me once my foothold on the multiverse is secured, not even any of those miserable "ultimate lifeforms". All WILL follow their destinies, or risk their universe falling apart. I'll play with you metal menaces some other time.

LM!Sonic left through a portal, Metal realising LM!Sonic's true plan and rushing to relay it to OMT!Tails. In the landscape between worlds, OMT!Tails got the call.

Metal Sonic: Steel! It's Metal Sonic! That evil Sonic knows what you're trying to do! And he's slipped out of our world!

OMT!Tails: Oh, man... Did he say anything about what he's planning?

Metal Sonic: He said about wanting EVERYONE to follow their "destinies", lest their universes get destroyed...

OMT!Tails: Of course he'd crank that mindset up to eleven... I'll see what I can do about him! In the meantime, Metallix got a bit delusional, so don't believe anything he says about me being some real Tails.

Metal Sonic: Uh, okay? Well, all's fair between us, I suppose, and since you were pretty friendly, it's a deal!

OMT!Tails: Sweet! I also left you something in a secret spot for if you feel like using it. Just... don't let it slip to anyone else that I gave it to you.

Metal Sonic: A secret spot? Well, I guess I'll look into it... See you around, kid.

The transmission cut off.

Melody: You left something there?

OMT!Tails: A dimension-travelling watch that can link him straight to the Quill Society. He will need cooling off since there's so many Sonics there, though.

Melody: A Quill Society?

OMT!Tails: A huge club full of heroes from different universes, akin to ours!

Melody: Sweet!

OMT!Tails: Well, I'm gonna get you back to your brother and another me, whilst I lose the evil Sonic in one more dimension. I'll rendezvous back with you once I've done that!

OMT!Tails prepared to warp Melody straight there.

Melody: Alright. Good luck, alternate dad!

She was warped away as OMT!Tails continued onwards, unknowingly also being followed by Blitz!Tails who noticed where he was going.