#like it's all interwoven so nice it all points to some sort of issue or something brewing that I'm sure will be explored later

[nyan-bynary]

God I'm gonna go fuckin insane I get why jjk's politics seem all over the place now kinda

[antihero-writings]

The Boy with the Unspeakable Name (Ch2)

Fandom: Harry Potter (and the Chamber or Secrets)

Fic Summary: Tom Riddle may have won his battle with Harry in the Chamber of Secrets, but there were a few unforeseen consequences; loss of Tom's memory being the most obnoxious of them. Is it possible to stop Tom's past from becoming his future? Or is the young Tom Riddle doomed to repeat his mistakes?

Chapter 2: 

The boy blinked, his expression shifting, fire and fury leaving his gaze for confusion.

“Who’s…who’s Tom Riddle?” he echoed, his voice soft and incredulous.

Harry jerkily stood, switched the sword to his left hand, and pulled a stick out of his right pocket, pointing both at him. Tom knew he shouldn’t laugh, still, the fact that he thought that would be any threat when he had a sword was rather ridiculous.

“‘Who’s Tom Riddle?’!” the words were stiff.

“That is what I asked.” Tom replied in a bored way.

“Is this…is this some sort of joke? …No, no it can’t be a joke—” He took a step forward, poking the air with the stick. “—because you don’t have a sense of humor! You don’t have a sense of-of anything!” he advanced on him, pointing both his ‘weapons’ as he did, and Tom took a step back.

He didn’t know much about himself but he guessed he was right about the sense of humor.

“You tell me.”

“No.” Harry’s voice and hands were shaking with rage. “No, you tell me. You tell me exactly what’s going on here, Tom.” He spat the name as if it was the vilest insult he could muster, like the word was as repulsive to him as ‘Harry Potter’ was to him, like some primal part of him must hate it—

Ah, so it was his diary, his name. But why did hatred course through him at the sound of it too?

—“Before I blast you to smithereens!” He held the sword higher, and pointed the stick.

“I’d really like to. But, I’m going to have a bit of trouble doing that without memory, now aren’t I?”

“Very funny,” he spat like it was the least funny thing he’d heard all day. “Let’s just skip the pleasantries and get to the part where you try to kill me, alright?”

Tom raised an eyebrow. “And why would I do that?”

“Because you’re a vile, evil little cockroach”—spit was flying from his mouth now—“who doesn’t care about anyone but yourself, and kills innocent girls in your spare time—!” The words caught in his throat and his weapons lowered slightly, his eyes clouding.

Tom blinked, taking a step back, his eyes circling back to the girl, as if she had been placed into a different light.

So he had been the one to kill her. But…why? He wasn’t sure he wanted to admit it, but there was some pride in the back of his mind at the thought…but—(why was this the most unfamiliar sensation yet?)—his stomach twisted in knots too…and he just wanted it to stop.

Harry jabbed the stick at Tom’s chest “No. You don’t get to touch her, you don’t get to talk about her, you don’t get to …you don’t get to even so much as look at her!”

Tom raised his hands and his eyebrows. Someone had anger issues.

“You won.” He took a step forward, making Tom step back. “Why are you still here? Do you want to toy with me before you run me through? Fine, torture me. it’s not like you can do anything worse than you already have.”

He’d won? Killing someone, losing his memory, standing unarmed at the mercy of his enemy’s sword wasn’t the picture of victory to him. What sort of battle had they been waging? What game had they been playing?

“What do you want? If you’re going to kill me, just do it already.”

“I don’t know what the person I was before I woke up without a clue where I am, what happened, what I’m doing here, who you are, or who I am would have done.” His temper rose in his voice. “But right now I have no intentions to kill a young schoolboy I have no memory of.”

“You’re lying! You…you…you snake!” he lunged at Tom and pressed the stick hard into his ribs. “Age doesn’t matter to you—young, old, you’ll spill blood no matter where you go, or who stands against you! Don’t think for a second I believe your’re feeling merciful!”

Tom sighed. This was getting rather tedious.

“I told you” —He lifted his hand slowly to the stick— “no matter who I was, or what I would have done, before” —He wrapped his fingers around it— “I don’t remember enough to make any such decisions now.”

They grappled for the stick, it shaking between them with effort. Harry was stronger than he looked…or maybe Tom was just weaker. Harry bit his lip till it bled, apparently waging some great mental battle.

“Fine.” The word was solid as a rock dropping from a cliff. He managed to win the stick back, as he seemed to get an idea. “You don’t remember? Let’s go to Dumbledore.”

That name too shot burning, sourceless emotion though him. Pure, uncut animosity, though this time there was another emotion interwoven into it; a powerful, inexplicable, unavoidable, fear. It crawled all over his chest and dugs its nails into his heart

Why did he have such a thing against names?

“…I’d like to protest, but, as I have no idea who or what a ‘Dumbledore’ is, I don’t have much way of objecting, do I?”

He blinked, surprise finally tackling the anger in his eyes. “You—You really don’t remember, do you?” he said simply.

“As I’ve been trying to tell you this whole time.” Tom sighed.

His weapons lowered, his eyes widening.

“So… you’re not going to try to kill me?”

“As you happen to be the one with the sword, and a…whatever that is,” he gestured to the stick, knowing there was probably more to it than met the eye, “that would be highly unwise of me.”

Harry held up the stick, glancing from it to Tom. “‘You don’t know what this is?”

“Unless it’s a stick, then no.”

A smile crept onto his face. “You really don’t remember.”

Tom gritted his teeth. He hated how smug he sounded.

“Now that you’re aware I am, in fact, telling the truth, would you care to explain what’s going on?”

“No.” he said simply. He could tell he was trying to keep himself from grinning. “I wouldn’t care for that, Tom.”

Tom’s hands curled into fists at the sound of his own name. Why did all the names spoken so far, including his own send sparks through his veins?

“Dumbledore will explain whatever you need to know. Until then it would be unwise”—he could tell he was mocking him—“for me to reveal anything.”

“So, is there a reason we’re dawdling? Why don’t you take me to see this Dumbledore fellow now?”

Harry looked back at the girl, his eyes swimming, still that loyal dog, undesiring to leave his master.

“Yeah… I probably should.”

Instead of taking him for a nice stroll back out through the chamber he dug the tip of both the stick and the sword into his back, forcing him to walk forward.

“Couldn’t we be civil about this? There’s no reason for me to try to escape.”

“We’re fresh out of civility today, sorry!” He said like he had been handing out lemonade at the stand.

Whoever built this chamber was really into snakes. As they stepped over the lifeless coils of the huge, once-living snake Tom saw that even more stone snakes lined the walls than he previously understood. And as they continued making their way out, the giant, shed skin of the once-living snake came into view, lying on the grimy floor.

After walking some ways, the sound of shifting rocks reached their ears, and they came to a part of the chamber which had apparently caved in.

“If you say a single word,” Harry hissed into his ear, “I’ll hex you till you can’t even remember how to speak.” He took the sword and stick from his back and walked in front of him.

“Harry!” a voice spoke from behind the rocks. “You’re alive! Thank goodness! Lockhart’s in a bit of a bind. Spell backfired. He doesn’t remember anything!”

Did he say spell?

And what were the chances of two amnesiacs in the same place?

His head popped up from behind the rocks. The boy had red hair and freckles like the girl did, but he was tall taller and more gangly. When his eyes fell upon Tom he interrupted his train of thought to ask,

“Who’s the ruddy hell is this?”

Harry looked up at Tom, as if both daring him to speak, and wondering how he would explain it.

“He…he got trapped in the Chamber. I-I’ll explain later.” Harry’s words were constricted.

“And where’s Ginny? Is she okay?”

Ah, finally he got the name of the corpse. Not to mention finally there was a name that didn’t send hatred to him.

“U-Um—” Harry seemed about to say something, but at the question his words sputtered, stalled, and died, his eyes freezing wide.

Considering how similar they looked, Tom guessed she was probably this boy’s sister.

Well. That was unfortunate. No wonder Harry didn’t know what to say.

“Uhh…I…” he breathed, trying to restart the engine, but only making rasping sounds, “Sh-She’s…” he looked at Tom and that fire blazed once more.

The new boy’s face blanched. “Where’s…” he swallowed, “Where-Where is she?” The question became a pained and desperate plea.

He scrambled madly over the rocks, falling onto the ground as he came over them. He quickly recovered and rushed towards his friend, grabbing him by the shoulders.

“Harry?” His voice was trembling, a pot starting to boil, “Where is she?!”

Harry took a step back, his face distorting with pain, shooting his gaze towards the ground, something in his eyes dying. “She….” The word fell limp and lonely at his feet.

“Where is she?!” He shook his friend, “Goddamnit, Harry!” His voice sat on the border of hysteria, his cry now echoing throughout the chamber like a madman’s howl, “WHERE’S MY SISTER?”

But Harry didn’t have to say anything. The boy shoved him, his legs carrying him as fast as they could through the chamber, his footfalls the ticking of seconds he had left to believe she was alive. He screamed the corpse’s name as he ran, like it was his only hope of calling her back to this side of the veil.

Harry watched him go, his eyes slowly drifting to the ground, as if lost at sea, glazed and hollow.

It was a moment later when they heard the screaming; a deep, guttural, screaming. Wordless wails, threats, questions, and most of all her name. Just her name.

And it didn’t stop.

It was then that Harry looked over at Tom, and the force of the hate in his eyes made him physically step back. That emerald fire hotter than it was even before, the words You did this to her woven deep within his gaze, as searing as a brand upon him.

“Poor chap, do hope everything will be alright,” another voice cut in, a little too nonchalantly, as if he hadn’t truly understood the situation, or heard what they heard. They jerked their heads up to look at him.

A handsome blonde man had appeared on the other side of the rocks, smiling genially at them. He put his hands on his hips, peering out the chamber behind them. “Odd sort of place this, isn’t it?” He looked at the two boys. “Do you live here?”

This must be other who lost his memory—perhaps the boys were rather adept at stealing memories?

They climbed over the rocks, through the hole to the other side.

The orange bird fluttered in behind them, then circled, front of Harry, waving its long, golden tail feathers at him. Harry looked uncertainly at it, before turning to the man, then to Tom.

“I think he wants us to grab hold.”

“You’re kidding, right? What do you expect—?”

“What did I say about saying a word?” Harry snapped, and Tom quieted.

“Fawkes isn’t an ordinary bird,” Harry explained, petting his feathers before, turning to them.

“We’ve got to hold on to each other.”

He reached up to grasp its impressive tail feathers, then turned to them, looking Tom up and down as touching him was the worst punishment he could ever think of.

“Professor Lockhart—er, that’s you—” He pointed to the blonde man. “You hold on to my robes, Tom, grab his hand. Fawkes will carry us out.”

“I hate to criticize your methods,” Tom risked speaking up, “but I highly doubt that bird will be able to carry the three of us.”

“Er, yes, I have several concerns as well.” The Professor looked the bird, then Harry, up and down, as if questioning his sanity.

Harry glared at Tom.

“Just do it.”

Tom knew there was no point questioning him further. Harry tucked the sword and hat into his belt, and they did as they were told. The bird started flapping its wings, but instead of beating them madly with no results, as Tom expected, they were quickly lifted off into the air, a strange sort of lightness spreading through them as they flew through the pipe.

“Amazing! Amazing!” the Professor exclaimed as the wind rushed by them “This is just like magic!”

Tom had a thought that he was probably closer to the truth than he realized.

The chill air whipped about them as the bird flew them out of the chamber, and dropped them back on solid ground.

They were in a bathroom, to be exact. At least, it appeared to be. It was a rather large one made of stone, a large basin of sinks behind them. It was less dreary than the chamber, but the floor was covered in water, so it was in competition, at least as far as dampness went.

This was a very strange world he had awoken to indeed.

Yet again There was the sound of more crying. Tom was getting very sick of the noise.

“You’re alive.” A high pitched voice said.

“There’s no need to sound so disappointed.” Harry grunted, flicking slime off his glasses and hitting Tom in the face with it. Tom glared at him and flicked it back off.

“Oh, well, I’d just been thinking. If you had died, you’d have been welcome to share my toilet.”

Tom looked up and raised an eyebrow at these strange words.

A wispy, transparent girl with pigtails and glasses floated above them. Her sad face was familiar, yet, like with everything else, he couldn’t place her.

Was she a ghost? Was that what he had been before?

When she saw Tom she gasped, her face going whiter than it was before (if that was possible).

“Tom…?” she whispered.

Harry looked at him, his eyes widening.

She rushed towards him, “Is that really you Tom? No…it can’t be. Unless…” She examined him quizzically. “What are you doing here? How are you back? …Are you a ghost too?”

He stood up: he barely knew her and he already found her annoying.

“Tom?” Harry answered for him. “You must be mistaken. No, no, this isn’t a Tom, this is uhhhh…Marv. Yeah, Marv.”

Tom raised an eyebrow at Harry, and Harry gave him that not-a-word look.

“Oh…” she looked down, slightly disappointed.

The bird twirled above them, glowing slightly gold in the dark. Harry turned back to Tom, then without warning grabbed the hood on the back of his robes—(which was still damp from the chamber floor, mind you)—and pulled it too far over his face.

Tom pushed it back so he could see, glaring at Harry.

“Keep that up.” He pointed to it.

“…Why?”

“Because nobody wants to see your ugly face. Now let’s continue on.”

Tom obeyed—(though made sure to give him his sharpest glare yet)—guessing there was probably a more reasonable answer he simply wasn’t telling him.

“Now, that’s not very nice!” Professor Lockhart piped up. “I’d say this young man is rather handsome!”

“I’m gonna have to ask you to be quiet too, Professor.

“Come on.” Harry got up, beckoning them—(without offering his hand to Tom)—and they followed after the bird, out of the bathroom, and into a hall.

They appeared to be in a castle of sorts; the walls and floors were made of stone, rugs and tapestries organized upon them, suits of armor standing at regular intervals along the walls. Pictures littered the walls, and he swore he could see them moving, hear them…talking to each other?

They descended a staircase, which proceeded to move as they got on it. Harry wasn’t the least bit surprised about this fact.

“A very odd place indeed…” Lockhart muttered more to himself than anyone else, staring wildly around, his hand to his mouth.

Harry beckoned them to a door to the side, and opened it. For a moment they just stood on the threshold in silence, probably looking very strange, covered in the muck, slime, and blood from the chamber.

There was a woman with red hair—(like the corpse, and the boy’s)—sitting by the fire. Likely her mother. She turned to Harry, her eyes clouded by fear and question, like the other boy did, though she did not yet voice anything. An old woman in a green dress, with a harsh, wrinkled face, and a tight bun on her head sat in the corner, pushing her glasses up, looking at them expectantly. An old man with a more gently lined face, a long white hair and beard, sitting at the desk in the center with the tips of his fingers together looked down at them over his half-moon spectacles.

When his blue eyes fell upon the hooded Tom hate shot through him, more powerful than ever before, a living thing rearing its head, a snake within him that wanted nothing more than to bite at his throat again and again and again.

“I’d like to speak to Professor Dumbledore.” Harry’s voice cut through the silence. “Alone.” Then he added “Please.”

The women both looked uneasy—(the red-haired one much more so)—as they turned to the old man, who nodded and waved them off.

But before they could leave Harry interrupted.

“Professor Lockhart’s in a bad way—memory spell gone wrong. I can explain later—or, Ron can. Someone should probably take him to the hospital wing.”

The old woman looked at him quizzically, but took the man’s arm and said “Come now, Gilderoy.”

“Erm…” He looked around the room. “Well…alright.” Before they left, the door creaking shut, leaving a heavy silence.

Dumbledore’s piercing eyes flicked from Harry to the hidden Tom.

“Very well, Harry,” he said calmly, “what is it you wish to speak with me about?”

[artificialqueens]

Hold Me Tighter (Even Closer), Chapter 5 (Branjie, Jankie) - Joley

ao3 link

Jan yawned as she woke up, limbs stretching as she sprawled out. Her eyes fluttered open in confusion - she was alone, but this was not her bed. But once she properly woke up, the memories of the night before came rushing back. And she had slept so well that night, her body relaxed in the wake of such an intense orgasm, comfortable in Jackie’s arms, there hadn’t been a thing she would’ve changed. But she was wondering where Jackie was – not that she would’ve gone too far from her apartment.

Without her contacts in, Jan had stumbled around the bedroom until she found clothes to put on. They fit a bit snugly, leading her to assume they were Jackie’s. But when she did put her contacts in and looked at the outfit, at the ribbed tank top and short shorts, she decided she looked cute and didn’t bother to change. She pulled her hair up into a ponytail and made her way into the other room, smiling when she saw Jackie in the kitchen. “Morning.”

Jackie had thrown a large t-shirt on, one that hit just above her knees and covered the shorts she had on underneath. Her hair was pulled up in a messy bun and she hummed contently to herself until she heard Jan’s voice. She looked over her shoulder, her face lighting up when she saw Jan walk towards her. Of course, she recognized her clothes on the other girl, but she had to admit, she liked how they looked on her even more. “Hey,” she greeted, “sleep well?”

“Very,” she hummed, wrapping her arms around her back from behind and kissing her cheeks. “Oh yay, pancakes!” she chirped as she looked at the stove from over Jackie’s shoulder.

“Well, you did ask so nicely last night,” she cooed. “I’ve got syrup and butter in the fridge if you wanna grab that. Do you want coffee?”

Jan let go of Jackie to rifle through the fridge. “I’ll have a cup if you’re making some already,” she replied as she put the syrup and butter on the counter. “Did you know you don’t have to refrigerate butter? Doesn’t make sense, but apparently, that’s a thing.”

Jackie furrowed her brows. “But it’s dairy. How can you not refrigerate dairy?”

“It’s more fat than dairy,” she shrugged as she opened a couple of cabinets until she found the one with the plates in it, taking two out before closing them all up.

“I guess,” Jackie relented, loading the pancakes onto a serving plate and setting it on the counter.

They filled their plates and made coffee before relocating to sit at the dining room table, still talking animatedly about otherwise trivial and mundane topics. All the worry about things being awkward between them in the aftermath had long since dissipated, to the point where it wasn’t even registering to them anymore. They ate their breakfast, got changed, and Jackie walked Jan out when it was time for her to leave. It was as simple as that.

Jackie cleaned up and retreated to her room afterward, laying facedown in bed. She inhaled deeply, her sheets and pillowcase still smelling like Jan. She didn’t know what she had been so worried about, they got along great after having sex. Surely there was no reason why that couldn’t factor into a normal friendship, right?

——

“Okay, you can let go,” Brooke Lynn said to Vanessa, who was standing on the opposite side of the room, holding the end of a tape measure. “So, we’re looking at a nine by nine room, which is a little bigger than I expected, so that’s nice,” she remarked, setting the tape measure aside and sloppily writing the dimensions down in a notebook.

Vanessa nodded as she looked around. The walls were a basic, simple white and the floors were hardwood. They’d both come to the immediate conclusion that both of these were unsuitable for their future child. So, while they were waiting for an update from the agency they had been in touch with, they decided to dive right into the room makeover. “You know what we should do? Paint the wall with the window a bright color, and the rest like, a pastel version of it.”

Brooke tilted her head, trying to envision what her wife described. “That’s a really good idea. We get a lot of natural light in here, it’ll balance out.”

“Don’t sound surprised, I have good ideas all the time!”

“You sure do,” she cooed, wrapping her arms around Vanessa and kissing her pouting lips. “We’ll get one of those paint swatch books and you can pick out your favorites.”

Vanessa arched her brow, unsure if that was an implied promise or if Brooke was simply placating her to avoid conflict – she was well known for the latter, after all. “You’re gonna let me pick?”

Brooke offered a non-committal hum, raking her fingers through Vanessa’s hair. “We’ll talk about it, baby.”

“Yeah, yeah I heard that line before,” she rolled her eyes, but smiled and kissed her nonetheless. “What time is Katya coming to pick up the desk?”

“She said around noon, so I’m expecting about two-thirty,” she chuckled and glanced at her phone. “She’ll text or call me when she’s on her way.” She may not have been able to trust Katya to be on time, but she usually gave enough of a warning for her to adjust accordingly. Still, just in case, she would end up periodically checking to see if her phone would ring or she’d hear that familiar text tone.

Vanessa nodded. “You know, one of Katya’s freshman students is dating her niece,” she remarked offhandedly. “I think she’s Jan’s roommate.”

Brooke’s brows knitted in the middle of her forehead. “Really? I swear, everyone’s so connected around here,” she mused with a shrug. It did seem like every time she was introduced to someone, they already had a connection to someone else. And it was only ever like that in their department at this school, no other community she had been a part of had been so interwoven. There was something oddly endearing about it when she thought about it. Maybe that was why she was still so attached, why she kept coming back here.

“Dunno how, but I think it could be useful once we get back into that matchmaking shit,” she added. “Like, have someone on the inside.”

Brooke looked at her wife curiously. “Are you suggesting we get Jan’s roommate – who is also Katya’s student and by proxy, yours – to be our matchmaking spy? That seems… unethical.”

Vanessa shrugged. “Just spitballin’ ideas here.” It’s not like either of them had a pure ethical code that they had a strict adherence to, but she supposed it was for the best to just let the idea go.

As it turned out, Katya was only about an hour late, which was fairly impressive by her standards. “Alright,” she prompted once she located the desk that had been temporarily moved into the living room, “let’s load this baby up.”

The desk wasn’t too heavy – Brooke and Katya were able to take it outside while Vanessa diligently supervised and helped the other two get it into the van. It was a tight squeeze, but they made it work. “Shit,” Vanessa smiled with an exhale, “this is happening.”

“Are you okay?” Brooke asked as the three of them went back inside.

“I am, it’s just really hitting. But I’ve never been more excited about nothing in my life.”

Katya looked at the couple with piqued interest, sitting down on the couch. “Well, come on, don’t leave me in the dark here,” she jokingly chastised. “Tell me everything. What have you done so far? What do you have to do? Are you gonna have to meet with whatever parent gave up custody?” While Katya and her wife did have a child, they had gone the surrogacy route, as her wife had expressed a strong desire to do so.

“It’s so much paperwork,” Brooke said with a dramatic flourish as she dropped herself onto the couch. “I mean I get it, they want to be thorough, but still.”

Vanessa nodded. “We gotta do this thing called the ‘home study’. It’s a fuckton of meetings, interviews, and training sessions with the agency. Gonna take a few months to do all of it,” she added.

Katya looked positively riveted at the explanation. She supposed she had previously assumed it was just a marginally more complicated version of adopting a pet. “What do they teach you? Like, how not to neglect a kid?”

“Kind of,” Brooke replied. “It’s more like, understanding adoption, figuring out what we bring to the table as good parents, and stuff to decide what type of child would best be suited to us. It’s not like, we just walk into a room, look at a bunch of kids, and pick out the cutest one.”

“I mean yeah, when you put it like that, it is a human being’s entire life in play,” Katya agreed. “I think all parents should have some sort of ‘how not to fuck up your kids’ training. I’d take it in a heartbeat,” she added offhandedly.

Vanessa frowned and leaned forward, making sure she held Katya’s gaze. “Why? You guys are good moms, got your shit together, and whatever.” Sure, it had been a little surprising when she had made the announcement, but they both had all the faith in the world that she would raise her child – Brooke and Vanessa’s goddaughter – very well.

“Yeah, but wouldn’t you want a cheat sheet if you had the option of getting one?”

Brooke and Vanessa looked at each other, engaging in some sort of silent, telepathic communication happening between the two of them before they simultaneously nodded and answered, “yeah.”

Katya had a small, triumphant grin before moving on to her next question. “What type of kid are you hoping for? Is that an… okay thing to ask?”

“Yeah, I mean, we have to set some sort of parameters so the agency knows what to look for,” Brooke explained. “We decided to aim for the three to five age range, adoption rates drop off drastically at that point, and honestly, I don’t trust myself taking care of a newborn. “I said that race and ethnicity was a non-issue for me, but–”

“–But ideally, I’m hopin’ for a Latina, wanna have those cultural things to bond over, you know?” Vanessa finished, then added, “we also want a girl.”

Katya’s eyes were bright with enthusiasm for her friends. “I’m sure whatever child ends up with you is gonna be super cute and super lucky to have you guys,” she told them, then looked down to check her phone. “I gotta head out though, Priyanka’s babysitting, and I don’t trust her with Julia for more than a couple hours, especially if she brought Lemon over,” she said as she got up, then looked at her friends with a fond smile. “Oh, I remember when you two were in that phase. New love, obnoxious horniness. Ah, memories. Anyway, good luck, bye!” And with that, she was gone.

Vanessa moved to sit on Brooke’s lap. “You remember those days, boo? All that young, puppy love?”

Brooke smiled, wrapping her arms around Vanessa’s waist. “How could I ever forget? We were just so obsessed with each other, even though our communication was pretty damn bad at the beginning,” she laughed softly.

“What, like with the Juilliard girl?” Vanessa hid her face in the crook of Brooke’s neck as she giggled. “I thought I was so smart tryna make you jealous to get some rough sex,” she shook her head, cheeks still reddening despite all the years that had passed.

“Yeah, the one I was ready to murder,” Brooke recalled. “Little did you know, the best was yet to come,” she hummed as she aimlessly played with Vanessa’s hair.

Throughout their relationship, they had learned what felt like every little detail about each other, especially in the bedroom. Vanessa learned that Brooke was an exhibitionist that got off on riling her up in public, Brooke learned that Vanessa was a textbook brat that loved having her limits pushed. There was a solid chunk of time after their honeymoon that was dedicated almost exclusively to doing everything and anything they wanted to in bed.

“Been a while since we fucked like that,” Vanessa mused offhandedly. It was neither of their faults, there had been a time where they really couldn’t do anything but work. And they loved their work, and they felt comfortable enough with each other for it to never be a real concern.

Brooke frowned, holding her wife tighter. “I guess so… God, I hope we’re not falling into a lesbian bed death.” She caught the look on Vanessa’s face, the one where she was asking for an explanation without wanting to have to say the words. “It’s when a lesbian couple still really loves each other, but their sex life kind of… tapers off.”

Vanessa nodded in understanding. “Gonna have even less time once we bring in a kid,” she added, then shifted so Brooke was laying down and she was resting on top of her. “I don’t want that to happen with us, though.”

“Then we won’t let it,” she hummed, securing both arms around the smaller woman and leaning up to kiss her sweetly. “We’ll make time for each other, cram in all the sex we can get before we have to be on our best behavior. I promise I’ll make it good for you, okay baby?”

That was enough to satiate the newly-developed concern that had bubbled up inside of Vanessa. She knew neither of them ever doubted that their attraction towards each other was only matched by their love for each other, but just like any other couple, making time to remind themselves of that could only help. “Yeah, I know you’re good for it,” she chuckled softly.

There was a beat of silence before Brooke asked, “Do you think that’s why we’ve been trying to get Jan and Jackie together? To live vicariously through them?”

Vanessa chewed on her lip as she thought. “Nah,” she finally concluded. “It ain’t like that. It’s the nostalgia of it all, you know? It’s fun because watching people fall in love is fun, and sometimes people that are already in love can see that spark in other people.”

Brooke smiled warmly. “You know, sometimes I forget how prolific you can be.”

“I’m not prolific, I’m pro-choice.” Vanessa watched as Brooke struggled with the decision of whether or not to correct her. “I’m just fucking with you, babe.”

——

Jaida stared at Jackie with a deadpan expression. “You know you’re supposed to be the smart one, right?” she finally asked.

Jackie frowned, poking her fork against her food. “I don’t see what the big deal is. This whole thing was just about us being awkward about fooling around. Now we’re having sex, so everything’s fine. Why wouldn’t that be fine?”

The conversation hadn’t been going on for very long, but it was clear that Jaida was already exhausted with her friend. “The general rule of thumb for just fucking someone is that you don’t cuddle them while you sleep and then cook them breakfast in the morning. You do that with someone you’re tryna cuff,” she told her. “And if that’s what you wanna do, that’s fine, but you gotta own it.”

“I’m not trying to cuff her!” Jackie insisted. “I mean it, we have great sexual chemistry and we were driving ourselves crazy trying to ignore it. So, all we’re doing is not ignoring it. It’s healthier for us, otherwise class was just… weird. And I don’t want things to be weird with her.”

“You want me to believe that you got no feelings for her whatsoever, huh?” Jaida hadn’t even met Jan yet, she didn’t need to. She’s known Jackie long enough to know that she has never had a successful friends-with-benefits relationship before. Someone always caught feelings, and no matter how it ended, it was never good. Perhaps that was obvious, considering Jackie had been single for over a year, something Jaida knew she hated.

And that left Jackie quiet for a good few moments. As much as she overanalyzed everything else in her life, she didn’t want to do that with Jan. Jan didn’t seem complicated to her – she was vivacious and charming and seemed to know exactly what she wanted out of life. She had an air of whimsy about her that Jackie both admired and envied. “I’ve never met anyone like her before. I can’t explain how, but she’s… different. And I don’t know if it means I have feelings for her, I’m not at a point where I want to think about it.”

Jaida nodded as she listened. Even if she wasn’t fully convinced in everything Jackie said, she understood where she was coming from. And she could’ve kept riding her about it, but she didn’t see much point in that either. “Is sex good, at least?”

Jackie nearly choked on the bite of food in her mouth, quickly washing it down with a swig of her drink. “Jaida!” she giggled her hand to her chest, clutching imaginary pearls. “But, um… yes, some of the best I’ve ever had. It’s crazy, when you look at her, you see this cute, doe-eyed girl, but as soon as she gets a little horny… shit, it’s a whole transformation.”

“You topping her or nah?” She was amused and surprised by how candid her friend was being and wanted to see how far she could push it.

This time Jackie blushed and bit down on her lip. “Oh my god, Jaida,” she shook her head and looked down. “There’s no other option but to top her, it’s pretty hot.”

“Damn, okay,” Jaida laughed. “So when do I get to meet this girl? Wanna find out who’s been living in your mind rent-free.”

Jackie shrugged as she finished up her lunch. “Stop by campus one of these days, I’m sure Brooke Lynn won’t mind if you sit in on a class,” she offered. “Just play it cool, okay?”

Jaida snorted. “You first, bitch.”

[ironforgedrp]

Hi! I'm a (hopefully) first time admin and I've got everything ready to go and set up but I'm really nervous that it won't get off the ground, and you guys have been open for so long do you have any tips for me how to make my RP be as successful as yours? It looks like such a good place, I hope it's not weird to ask this

        hi there friend,  thank-you so much for your compliments, and don’t stress… i’m happy to offer some advice, i’m no expert whatsoever but i’ve run a few roleplays over the past decade or so.    the key note firstly is to think of your RP as your kind of group ersatz family, as the admin you’re the head of that family.   you keep everyone on course, you’re the gatekeeper and it’s your standards that set the tone for what happens in your family’s house.  and i first want to tell you honestly that it is a little bit of a responsibility; you have to be willing to sort out problems, make decisions, mediate, diffuse and sometimes be on the receiving end of anon hate or the occasional jaded RPer, you have to be motivated and encouraging and dedicated -  but if you are, the people who you write and create with will give it back to you tenfold & it will never become a drag.    i hope this helps you a bit!

decide if you want a co-admin or you think you can handle it yourself - i personally have done solo-adminning, lead admin with moderators & co-adminned with up to four people. though i’ve found that, if you want to work with a team of mods/admins, having an odd number can be really helpful as you’re never tied.  also, if you decide to bring in a co-admin or moderator, have a clear idea of how you want to operate as a roleplay and what you expect of them as admins, and whether or not they have an equal say as you, the creator of the roleplay.  if they do, make that clear and if they don’t, make it clear what things you need to have a look over and what things they are able to handle alone (i.e. asks, applications, major plot changes).   honestly, the worst thing that can happen is if you’re not on the same page because it confuses you, them and your muns.

don’t jump the gun, patience is key.  if you’re hoping to have a long running roleplay then i would expect at least a month of work to be put into it before it’s trotted out, but it sounds like you’re already ready to go. make sure, before you open for activity, you have enough muns & characters to get the roleplay off to a healthy start and have the dash reasonably active.

set rules that are clear, but don’t be a dictator - make sure you have expressed clearly what your rules of conduct are (such as dash conduct, mun age restrictions [if any], activity standards, god-modding, banned/acceptable faceclaims, etc.)

set up an ads blog, and queue ads to post semi-regularly with varied but relevant tags and an eye-catching graphic &/or summary of your roleplay

set up a discord server or another way for your muns to communicate and plot OOC, it really helps muse and communication and also can be a fantastic way to build plots with existing characters and muns.  and, lets be honest, it’s nice to be able to chat with the folks you’re writing with.

check in with everyone! make sure your muns are comfortable and happy and no one is falling by the wayside or being left out. also, it’s nice to make sure that your muns are alright personally - by no means pry, but be an open ear if someone needs to talk. you’d be surprised how many in the RPC are often too shy or anxious to admit to an admin that they need time for their mental health, work, study, etc. but if you make it clear from the beginning that you actually do care and are willing to help work with people it makes all the difference.

the most important to me: build rapport!!!   the best thing for your roleplay, as an admin, is to do your absolute best to be approachable and have a relationship with your muns. you obviously don’t have to be best friends with everyone and talk every day, but believe me, what makes a roleplay last is the community you build behind it. i love having made such talented and varied friends in ironforged - we have voice chats and some of us facetime and/or text, we watch tv shows together and even help each other out with anything from personal problems to university assignments.  our community is  what helps us withstand all the trials and tribulations, and it’s what has given our roleplay such fantastic plot drops and progressions.  the main point is, from the get-go, make sure your muns know that your DMs are always open if they have questions, queries, rants, concerns, ideas… all of the above.

trigger warnings, which obviously depends on the genre you’re in but, i personally would suggest to offer your muns the ability to tell you what their triggers are privately and list them somewhere on the main blog for the other members to see.

embrace being an admin, and don’t get walked over. don’t forget that this is your roleplay, you created it and put the work in and no one (anon or not) can tell you how to run it. don’t be scared to call out people for breaking the rules, don’t be scared to issue warnings, don’t be scared to reject people if they haven’t read the rules or aren’t the right fit for your roleplay or make you uncomfortable, don’t be scared to say no.  it’s okay!

have open eyes, ears and mind; listen to feedback and concerns, hear out grievances and be willing to be polite even if people are being rude but don’t entertain pointless anon hate. speaking of anon hate… don’t turn off the anon ask option unless you honestly feel like it is the right route for you - it shuts off the ability for people to contact you whilst maintaining some anonymity and privacy, which can be discouraging.

crucial to any roleplay is the world-building, have a page with some key locations that are applicable to your roleplay (such as cafes, taverns, gyms, shops, housing locations), also i’ve honestly found that it helps setting the scene. consider where your roleplay is located (real place/fictional place) and make those details clear. paint the picture, immersion is a fantastic thing and it’s something both you and your muns can work on and collaborate on in the future. we have an inspo blog, pinterest boards, spotify playlists, youtube playlist, ambiance playlists, regional locations and business…. and a very colourful NPC list that has been collaborated and expanded upon throughout the life of ironforged.

have clear direction and at minimum a loose idea of where you want to go with your roleplay.  even if you don’t want to have a very plot driven roleplay (like ours is with plot drops, random events, character/mun interwoven plots - which requires a long-form type of roleplaying) and would rather have it open world (you set the scene, and everyone just goes with the flow - which can be both long or short form types of writing) - it is so important to have some tricks and surprises in your bag. the best and easiest is having a few muse-boosting tasks lined up, perhaps a group event to bring people together (a party, a fight, a ball, a wedding, etc.) otherwise, 8.5 times out of 10, you’ll find muse flatlining.  ask your muns! ask other rps! make a poll! hit up the RPC tags and roleplay helper blogs!

the finer details; pick a timezone to mark the roleplay with (eg; here i post in AEST on the roleplay because i am australian and it’s easy for me to queue and schedule things) but it’s crucial to ensure you include the timezone equivalent for other people in other timezones to be able to quickly understand (eg; AEST = GMT+10). you can always link an external timezone converter page if you’re unsure!

and, of course, be organised. make sure you have your pages set up and linked properly. the main that come to my mind to start off with are; navigation, plot, taken FCs, IC & OOC rules, a masterlist, blogroll/follow list, application/application page, application counts, ask & submit are open and an ooc page.

         and LASTLY,  this is my personal advice from one admin to another; if you really want a roleplay to work and you really want it to last for (hopefully) years, then you have to put some heart into it.  our roleplay, as a group, has seen some bad times and good times galore. we’ve had people become seriously ill, we’ve had engagements and weddings, graduations, a fair few birthdays, hospital trips/emergencies, international internships, personal problems, personal triumphs…  our communication as a roleplay isn’t always perfect, but we continue to do our best - and working on our communication is what allows us to keep going on through everything.

         also, as an admin, do your best to make sure you are not the most powerful character and not center of all the roleplays controversy, drama and plot drops (if applicable), it’s become a kiss of death cliche, and also can alienate potential muns because they feel like background players to your show.    but seriously, involve everyone and give a shout out for peoples interest, and the ideas that come flowing back from your muns will amaze you, trust me!

       best of luck!    admin tee.

[mutantsrisingrpg]

Congratulations BECKY! You’ve been accepted as VENUS.

Becky’s back, back again. Becky’s back, tell a friend! Now that I got that out of the way, I can make this a serious acceptance note. I can honestly say there was not a moment while reading this app that I didn’t think your Hana was it. Hana is obsessed with power and the way you hit on that through her bio had me on the edge of my seat. You created this storm of a girl that I want to know more about even if I know the danger associated with her. Both of us are beyond excited to see the “human embodiment of pikachu with anger issues” on the dash!

Welcome to Mutants Rising! Please read the checklist and submit your account within 24 hours.

Out of Character Information:

NAME/ALIAS: Becky

PRONOUNS: she / her

AGE: 24

TIMEZONE & ACTIVITY LEVEL: GMT ( but technically GMT +1 currently bc summer! ); online daily, particularly active atm because ya girl is working from home

In Character Information:

DESIRED ROLE: Venus / Hana Mercado

GENDER/PRONOUNS: Female; she/her

DETAILS & ANALYSIS:

Even in a city like Miami, Hana is hard to miss in a crowd. Bubblegum bursts, her lazy chew concealing the switchblade sharp smirk that slides across her mouth a little too late for anyone to be able to avoid the trouble that comes from it. She thinks she’s wired up wrong, like a casino gambling machine full of bullets that just keeps dishing out violence while playing its disjointed electric-warped song of congratulations, bright lights flashing wildly.

To your left, a man walking his pet leopard down the sidewalk; to the right, Hana Mercado paralysing a man with the touch of a fingertip for wolf-whistling her. She fits in well here, Florida born and raised, helping the drug lords keep their territories and the mutants keep their identities and everyone and anyone in between keep what’s left of their slowly unravelling sanity. Despite the bustling sea of tourists that ebbs and flows with the good weather, it’s easy to feel lonely. Hana isn’t great when it comes to other people. Pushing them away is a lot less difficult than making them stay.

Everything is loud. Everything is bright. The electricity is near palpable as she splashes through the remnants of a thunderstorm, rainwater spraying over fresh white sneakers. She’s quiet when the sun sets, bleeding red across the sky, the colour of the popsicles she’d eat for dinner as a kid. It’s hard to fear the consequences of her actions when she’s as close to a young god as anyone’s ever going to get. Mutants? Deities? Same difference if you know how to play to the right narrative.

Fuck you has always been easier to spit than a genuinely spoken I love you and that’s the honest-to-fuck truth.

[ + ] driven / brave / resilient / passionate [ - ] arrogant / reckless / unpredictable / childish

BIO:

Money is power. And power is power. And electricity? The sort that decorates the country like a spiderweb, an interwoven network of wires, all humming, all singing to her, the siren’s call of greatness from above ground and beneath it? Power.

Hana is a vicious formation of blood and desire, with the scent of someone burning from the inside inhaled like a nicotine hit. Interrogation comes naturally to her; smiles that should be sweet on a face like hers turn sharp and deadly. She likes to hear them beg. To watch them shake. People spill their secrets to her whether they like it or not.

It’s been that way since she was nineteen years old, static dancing between her fingertips after getting too riled up in an argument with a neighbour’s son over stealing her family’s gas cylinder. An impromptu lightning strike had left the tarmac lining the trailer park sizzling, black and sticky like summertime ( and don’t worry, the Cheeto-dust-decorated-rude-mouthed-slacker-of-a-punk-ass-brat had survived – getting hit by lightning suddenly made him interesting, too, so if anything she’d been doing him a favour ).

A freak accident, they’d called it. Another one of those unexpected Florida storms. But she knew better than that. As had her mom, smoking a fresh pack of Camel Blues from the other side of the door’s insect screen, fresh foils in her hair, acrylic nails the colour of the algae in the neglected community pool down the street. Thinking back, maybe this all stemmed from swallowing too much of that fucking nuclear-waste-looking water when she’d dared to swim there as a kid, hot and sweaty as a storm breaks on the horizon.

But the point – the point is that, to her mom, having the human embodiment of Pikachu as a daughter was as good as winning a jackpot at one of her weekly bingo sessions. She tries to sell it. Power. The ability to pluck electricity from charged particles in the air makes her daughter useful. A living battery. Studies on mutants at University of Miami dish out hefty paychecks after the right terms and conditions have been signed ( note: if you die, that’s on you, don’t try to sue us ). Hana attempts to protest but even she can’t deny that the allure of getting rich sounds like a dream come true.

So she goes to college. Not in the usual sense, sure, but she gets to live on campus ( in a secure underground testing facility beneath the BioMed building ) and hang out with others ( mostly mutants ) her age. And it’s fine for a while until simple fitness tests and blood sampling turn more extreme. Some days are hazy, pumped full of drugs and hooked up to machines that she doesn’t know the name of, let alone the purpose, beeping their own idle hospital-like symphony. Other days are dark and quiet, plunged into sensory deprivation for the sake of whatever it is the boffins in their lab coats are trying to figure out.

She’ll get rich or die trying and, ironically, neither of those things happens.

When the anti-mutant-testing protestors storm the building, they free Hana from both the confinement and the contract. The money she was supposed to get at the end of all this vanishes, along with the pleased looking humans who pat themselves on the back for doing a good deed and disappear to go and celebrate. None of them ask her if this was what she wanted. None of them stop to think that maybe liberation was never an option for her.

Her mom’s gone too. A new trailer stands where Hana’s home once had. The monthly paychecks from the university never reached her bank account, instead wired directly to Mrs Mercado. She laughs until she cries, the air crackling overhead.

After all that, turning to a life of crime is far easier than it has any right to be. Angry and alone, she fucks a guy in a gang in the back of his drop-top and makes herself useful when it comes to getting money out of those who owe it. She runs from the cops. Has a gun pressed to her temple. Watches an illegal weed farm burn at the flick of a lighter. Nothing phases her because she doesn’t let it. Rules stop meaning anything when you realise just what having powers can get you. Making a living from getting spineless people to open up their mouths and offer the gold that is information makes her feel a little less like a failure. Interrogation has a nice ring to it, after all. And once she makes a name for herself, sought after by those who know that secrets are worth a decent stack of bills – well – who is she to turn a job down?

EXPANDED CONNECTIONS:

YVETTE. It’s more than just the sticky sweet sugar of sisterhood. Hana would fight tooth and nail for Yvette should she say the word; would go to war for her if needed. There are very few people in the world that she cares about more than herself, but her partner ( in crime, in the sport of bringing their enemies down, in a vodka-tasting kiss that she’s managed to take a little too far ) holds the throne to Hana’s adoration. If only Yvette would take another step further into chaos and embrace becoming the seductive sort of danger that people run from.

ANDREAS. He knows how to say the right things, she’ll give him that. Hana wants what is hers. And sure, she may not know what that is exactly but the whispers of power he offers are captivating. After so long of operating alone for anyone with enough money to afford her services, the concept of joining strengths is a tricky one to navigate. She keeps him waiting, keeps him on his toes, avoiding a crystal clear answer for the sake of keeping her cards close to her chest. Better to have multiple options on the table than settling for the first one that comes along.

DEREK. Oh, the joy of knowing she’s the shiny new model; a glossy picture-perfect upgrade; a brand new battery to keep Damien and his clowns energised. The temptation of coaxing out Derek’s anger to watch him slip up and fall further from grace is all too great. She’ll press a cherry red lipstick kiss to the dark shades of the sunglasses he will no doubt need down here in paradise. Her future is bright, can he say the same about his own?

DAMIEN ft. JACKSON. He sends his loyal hound. She can only assume that Jackson is missing a collar because he doesn’t like wearing it in public; his Tiffany heart-shaped dog tag would probably get too warm glinting in the Miami sunshine. Hana knows a mob boss pet when she sees one, sniffing her out amongst the cheap cocktails and plastic palms of a Tiki Bar on Ocean Drive. Who’s a good boy? It’s appealing, the carefully constructed dream Damien offers. Almost a little too good to be true given the circumstances. She knows his gang has chased others out, a fine show of strength and organisation, but how long will it last when he doesn’t even know this city?

EXTRA:

Inspo [ x ]   Pinterest board [ x ]

ANYTHING ELSE: ily both

[raeynbowboi]

The Other Ships in My Fleet

So, I’ve already made a post talking about how I feel about certain ships in My Hero Academia, and another post about some of my other fandoms. Both posts got a lot of likes and reblogs, so I figured I’d talk about my ships from other fandoms. If this post also gets a lot of positive feedback, I’ll consider starting a second page to post my fan content for all of my fandoms, while still maintaining this one almost exclusively for My Hero Academia and Kiribaku specifically.

Klance (Keith x Lance) Voltron: Legendary Defender

I’m fully aware that this ship is probably not going to happen, but it’s really the only ship in the series that speaks to me. I will not lie, I am a big fan of dark and moody dating happy-go-lucky, and the rivals to friends to lovers element is just icing on the cake. It’s only further helped by Lance being Keith’s second-in-command. They help each other grow, and the trust that forms between them is cute and endearing. They also shared a major element to their characters. Both of them feel out of place, Keith because of his Galra heritage, and Lance because he doesn’t have a niche role.

Rabies/Rae x BB (Raven x Beast Boy) Teen Titans (2003)

While there wasn’t a lot of shipping fodder for these two in the 2003 iteration, the two are a canon couple in most versions of the teen titans, having been married in the comics (more than once, I think) so this is sort of a unique ship in that I ship it across every version of the two characters. Sporting a snarky moody goth and a lovable goofball, their dynamic was like that of an old married couple, or a moody teenager and her annoying little brother. Still, the two were good friends, and even though their personalities were polar opposites of each other, they had a lot of quiet, emotional moments together in the series. Whether you want to read them as friends or potential lovers, I think it’s hard to deny that there was a genuinely nice bond between the pair.

Garnet/Rupphire (Ruby x Sapphire) Steven Universe

As the show’s literal physical manifestation of love and a perfect relationship, it’s hard not to like the relationship between these two adorable lesbians. With the show sometimes being edited to remove the queer elements, it’s absolutely hysterical that they had the two get married in an episode very important to the plot, and put Ruby in the dress so that absolutely nobody could misinterpret her as a male. Editing it would only confuse viewers as to why everybody is in wedding attire, thus taking a very satisfying stance against censors and bigotry. Garnet also marks a first in children’s programming as the first same-sex wedding in a children’s animated show, at least as far as I’m aware.

Pearl x Mystery Girl Steven Unieverse

Although only featured in a single episode and having no dialogue, Mystery Girl (possibly named Sabina) is a very important element to Pearl’s character, being her first step toward moving on from Rose Quartz. There were fans that hoped that Mystery Girl would come back, but even if she doesn’t, she’s still important to Pearl’s character development.

Amedot (Amethyst x Peridot) Steven Universe

I know a lot of people prefer Lapidot, but frankly I find Lapis too selfish and cold-hearted to be ready for a relationship as she currently stands. I find Amethyst to be a better fit for Peridot, since they both share issues with their height. That, and the way the show frames them has romantic comedy tropes interwoven into their scenes. But even if they’re just friends, Amethyst’s approval means so much to Peridot.

Stevonnie (Steven Universe x Connie Maheswaren) Steven Universe

I’m not usually a fan of lead boy dates lead girl ships, as they tend to be very poorly done, and many feel forced, or are just boring and predictable. However, the bond between these two feels very genuine. They don’t feel like a lead boy and lead girl forced into a relationship at all. They come together very naturally, and the show takes its time to build their friendship up slowly. The show remembers that they’re kids first, friends second, jam buds third, and love interests last.

Tomstar (Tom Lucitor x Star Butterfly) Star Vs the Forces of Evil

Considering the show’s themes of monsters, racism, and not judging evil at face value, this ship serves as the most thematically poignant to the narrative that the show is setting up. It also makes Star a stronger parallel to her “evil” great great something grandmother, Eclipsa. Both are monster sympathizers with monster boyfriends. While the blood moon bonds complicate things, I see this ship as the most relevant to the themes and messages the show seems to want to send.

Tomco (Tom Lucitor x Marco Diaz) Star Vs the Forces of Evil

More of a joke/crack ship, I know it’s unlikely, but the entire episode of Friendenemies had romantic comedy written all over it. Between the literal in-universe break-up song to the show’s promotional art being inspired by dime store pulp romance novels fuel the fire that keeps this ship afloat.

Bumblebee/Bumbleby (Blake Belladonna x Yang Xiao Long) RWBY

Partners, teammates, and close friends, the ship really took off starting in season 2 during the episode “Burning the Candle”, as Blake spiraled into self-destructive habits due to obsessing over her problems. Nobody is able to get through to her until Yang comes in to talk to her. She doesn’t lecture her or beg her to stop. She instead forms a bridge of trust by first opening up about a similar situation she’s been in, and how she knows first hand that this sort of spiraling can only have negative impacts. They are shown to be parallels, as both girls are negatively effected by a loved one no longer in their life, and the trust issues that spring from that loved one’s actions. Yang was abandoned by her mother, a problem which she mentions Blake repeated. For Blake, it was the uncertainty of trusting someone’s character, and being afraid of someone slowly turning into someone else. She explicitly states in season 3 that her ex started off a nice guy, like Yang. The first time he hurt someone, there was a reason. There was always an excuse. Until eventually, she became the pardoner. The one excusing his actions. And, she expresses the fear that Yang could be following a similar path. Both girls have been hurt by someone in the past, and both girls are afraid of being hurt the same way again, and inadvertently hurt each other the same way as someone else has. It’s also known that RWBY characters tend to represent or be based on fairy tale characters. Yang is Goldilocks, and Blake is Beauty from Beauty and the Beast. However, based on the lyrics from Red Like Roses “Black the Beast descends from shadows, Yellow Beauty burns gold”, there seems to be an implication that Yang is the Beauty to Blake’s Beast. This is interestingly supported by Blake’s name. Blake is a Celtic name meaning both Black and White, and Belladonna literally means Beautiful Woman in Italian, but is also the name of a very poisonous plant often mistaken for the harmless blueberry. The duality of her name could be pointing to how she plays the dual role of both Beauty and Beast.

Seamonkeys (Sun Wukong x Neptune Vasilias) RWBY

A bit more of a crack ship, these two lovable idiots are far less likely to be canon, but since Sun is Yang’s main competition for Blake’s heart, I have no problem shipping him off elsewhere with his goofy best friend. Although they act more like usual best friends in the canon show, their relationship does have a much gayer tone in the less canon comedy show RWBY Chibi, where Neptune almost seems to act like a jealous clingy girlfriend a lot of the times. I doubt the ship would ever sail, but I mostly ship it because they’re cute together. Although, with season 6 just starting, I got the vibe that Sun was stepping aside to let Bumblebee sail uninhibited. Sun doesn’t really have a third popular ship, it’s just Black Sun and Seamonkeys, so this ship may be gaining validity in the future.

Gumlee (Marshall Lee x Prince Gumball) Adventure Time with Fiona and Cake

The male counterpart to Bubbline (Princess Bubblegum x Marceline), there’s no real difference between the two pairs other than their genders, and Gumball preferring baking while Bubblegum prefers science. Because they are effectively just gender-swapped clones of the canon ship, anything canonical between the girls is also technically canon with these two. It’s not that I don’t like Bubbline, but when given the choice between gay or lesbian versions of a couple, I’m going to be naturally inclined to lean toward the gay version.

Sasunaru/Narusasu (Sasuke Uchiha x Naruto Uzumaki) Naruto

Maybe there’s a cultural aspect I’m unaware of, but it’s a bit of a running gag in the Naruto fanbase at this point that Naruto is obsessed with Sasuke. So much so that he seems to care about him way beyond normal friendship. With how much these two obsess over one another, it’s no surprise why this became such a popular pairing. Their dynamic even dwarfed Hinata’s heartfelt confession of her love during the Pain Invasion Arc, because as soon as that ended, did Naruto go talk to Hinata? No, he immediately started thinking about Sasuke. Hinata definitely got the shaft in part II, which is a shame because I really loved her character.

Bob and Linda Belcher Bob’s Burgers

More of an honorable mention than a full on ship, I wanted to highlight them as one of adult animation’s only married couples that actually still like each other. In the wake of the popularity of the Simpsons, and the cementing of the genre with Family Guy, the stock dynamic of idiot husband and enraged but supportive wife became a recurring trope. Before long, every single animated sitcom-esque family fell into this very annoying cliche. So, finding a couple in adult animation that are not only married but still manage to show they love each other is amazing. Their marriage isn’t on the rocks, they find time to at least try and be romantic, and even when they have bets or are on opposing sides of something, the show never forgets that these two love each other at the end of the day.

Captain Swan (Killian “Hook” Jones x Emma Swan) Once Upon A Time

This relationship between Captain Hook and the daughter of Snow White and Prince Charming might sound odd on paper, but this couple is by far one of the healthiest relationships in the series. Both Hook and Emma come from broken lives, and together build themselves up to something stronger. In a melodrama surrounding fairy tales, both characters are surprisingly grounded, realistic, and skeptical cynics, a very stark contrast from the usual wide-eyed lovey-dovey couples Disney is known for. Emma’s tendency to put up walls and Killian’s tendency to always put himself first are both slowly broken down over time as Killian tries to tear down Emma’s walls and get to know her while she works on building a foundation of trust between them. The pairing feels very organic, and they definitely feel like the most realistic couple in the series as they both take turns stumbling and working toward being good for each other.

Rumbelle (Rumplestiltskin x Belle) Once Upon A Time

In the early seasons, this couple was beautiful to watch. I truly loved their chemistry and dynamic, as both of them were given such strong characteristics without simplifying either of them. However, as the show went on, it started to lose that power. The couple started to feel toxic as Belle kept waiting for Rumple to change, and he kept on lying and lying. It even reached a stopping point. A perfect one. Rumple was redeemed. He was a good man again. He could be the man Belle deserved. But instead, he slipped right back into his old ways. It was then that I fell off the band wagon for this ship. I loved it once, until I got sick of watching him hurt her over and over.

Daenerys Targaryen x Khal Drogo Game of Thrones

Although together only for a short while, this power couple won audiences over very quickly, as Drogo’s gruff but passionate affection mixed with Danny’s growing confidence and rise to power made these two iconic.

Renly Baratheon x Ser Loras Tyrell Game of Thrones

Another short-lived relationship, the remarkable thing is that Renly was literally the only character vying for the throne with fully good intentions for the realm. He was concerned with the needs of the people, and was the only morally good candidate in the War of Five Kings. Sadly, the ydidn’t get much screen time, but they were still a strong couple.

Peraltiago (Jake Peralta x Amy Santiago) Brooklyn 99

A rare exception to the don’t force the leads to date rule, the show let them form a bond over time that went from a friendly childish rivalry to a friendly dating rivalry. While each character experiences change and growth, it is not at the expense of their personalities, and the progression feels like it was meant to happen.

[theclubofhomies-blog]

System introduction.

Greetings, we are the Club of Homies, also known as the Homies’ club. We are currently a system of 26 and this will be a brief introduction of the ones of us that are comfortable with writing something. 

( n ) = nicknames.

Benji ( n ) : They / Them, Main host, Middle ground of system, Teen alter.

assuh dudes. im benji, the main host of the homie’s club. i enjoy art, baseball, memes and listening to trap music. im taken by axel, the main host from @fragmentedcollectors. theyre my best friend of many years, whos also the most adorable ginger in the world and i always want to spend time to with them because theyre fucking precious. a random fact about me is that i have a shit ton of water bottles because i have an unquenchable thirst.

Benevolence : She / Her, Insider / connected to Benji, Teen alter.

Hello, I’m Benevolence but you can call me Bene for short! I like watching makeup tutorials, kinky stuff, and dramatic love movies! I’m a bit of a talkative person and definitely am not able to keep my mouth shut when I’m interested in a topic discussion. I love the 90s fashion style and have a bit of a mixed music taste. I have a twin and two sort of brother figures in my life, one of them being Benji; We’re a very tightly interwoven family of sorts and I adore them all very much. Feel free to talk to me, I’m not very mean!

Vincent : He / Him, Protector, System manager, Leader.

Greetings, everyone, My name is Vincent. I am the main system manager of the Homies’ Club, working with many others to make sure that my system is stable and that all the alters in my system are always in a good state. I am one of the most flexible alters when it comes to jobs around my system and I am often seen working many jobs. Though despite me always being busy, I am currently in a happy and content companionship with James (@ceruleansaturdays). Some facts about me are that I enjoy songs from the 60s to the 90s and also have a leaning preference to always wearing suits.  Thank you for reading. 

V

Ace : They / Them, Main rationalist, System manager, Second in command.

My name is Ace, I’m the main rationalist of my system and the second in command, working under Vincent and his counterpart. I’m happily fucking taken by Al, the main rationalist of the Fragmented Collectors (@rationalisticsinner), so if you direct any flirty shit at me, expect to get quickly shut down. I’m in charge of how most of the system runs and am the one that usually takes charge in making plans. I generally don’t type in perfect grammar but for the sake of this introduction, I will. Just don’t fuck with my system and we’ll be on a good note. ♠️

Sky ( n ) : She / Her, Main caretaker of H, Emotional alter.

Hello! My name is Sky, I am the main caretaker of the child alter in my system, H. I love the colour yellow, flowers, spending time with children, reading on sunny afternoons, hot chocolate and having soft lights in rooms. I’ve been told that I’m a very friendly person and that I am a little too nice but caring for everyone is just part of my personal values. I love spending time during special days of the year, such as Halloween and Easter as that’s when I’m able to spoil H and see him have fun! : )

Jonathan : He / Him, Second unconsciousness.

what’s up? name’s jonathan. i’m an alter that’s usually responsible for the vessel falling asleep, not the main one as that’s usually my girlfriend, monet but.. as she’s not able to do the role right now, i’ve taken over. i like sleeping on couches and in the car while music is playing in the background. i’m interested in poetry, photography and am always a sucker for astrology because I just love looking up at the night sky and identifying constellations. i’m not much of a fronter as i generally only come out when it’s time to sleep but i am hoping to sometimes spend some time writing here. 

Jon

Evan : He / Him, Insider, Connected to unconsciousness.

Hey Tumblr, my name is Evan. I’m part of the small group of alters who play the role as unconsciousness ( Monet, Jon, Leo and myself ). We all used to be merged together until recently this year when we all decided to fully split and become our own people, though it’s unfortunate that by doing that, the numbers of alters increased but we all really did want to live individual lives instead of being one all the time. I like bands such as Panic!AtTheDisco, Falling in Reverse and Set It Off and prefer to nap during the late afternoons on beds. My best friend is Leo and there’s no one I’d rather ever be with than him because of how nice and caring he always is. 

Leonard : He / Him, Insider, Connected to unconsciousness, Fragmented.

Heeeeeey everyone, my name is Leonard but Leo for short. I’m part of the unconsciousness crew and am a pretty down to earth guy. I’m like the type of guy that sends you wholesome appreciation memes at 3am when you’re not having a good night so I guess you can consider me as a pretty good friend lol. Despite me always being tired and sleepy, I really do like spending time outside and sleeping in the sun or under a shady tree is always like the best thing ever. I also am very huggy and am a bit of a foodie. Will be honest though, my cooking skills aren’t like Gordon Ramsey quality, kinda just chucking stuff into a pot until it tastes good lmfao. Anyways, that’s me, just a random guy. ;)

- Leo

Ikere : They / Them, Insider, Emotional protector, Slider alter.

Heya~ <3 uwu My name is Ikere, I am an emotional protector of the system and is an alter that specializes in the love department, in the aspect of relationships and crushes. I adore people, love songs, walking in the park during spring and writing love letters and poetry. I like watching fashion shows, makeup videos, and anime in my free time. I’ve been told that I’m a good person to chat to and that I’m very nice so, if anyone would ever like to talk to me about interest or just about life in general, I’m always happy to meet someone new! uvu <3 

Avian : He / Him, Rationalist, Teen alter.

Hello, my name is Avian. I am much like the teenage version of Ace and we both are obviously very close and share many of the same things, such as similar signatures, food choices and music tastes. I am the backup rationalist in this system and work with Ace most of the time as well as with my own friend group whenever errands need to be run. I am taken to BZ in the Fragmented Collectors so like Ace said in their introduction, please do not try anything with me, I’m simply not interested in anyone else. Thank you for reading. Avian ♠️ .

Bradley : They / Them, Insider, Teen alter.

What’s up, Tumblr? I’m Brad, a teenager stuck between a punk and normal sense of style. I’m the younger sibling of Siobhan and have always wanted to grow up to be like her because she’s honestly pretty cool, despite her weird ways of eating takeaway at 2 in the morning and watching rock band interviews on Youtube. I like drawing and doodling on my hands and arms and I’m really into sci-fi stuff. I love my friends and I couldn’t ever live without them because they generally really complete my life and make me happy. In the future, we all plan to get matching tattoos. ^^’ Bradley

Siobhan : She / Her, Internal self helper, Slider alter.

Hey party animals, I’m Siobhan, leader of a group in the Homies’ Club and kinda always just co-leading with Vincent.. or at least just supporting the system. I’d describe myself as a pretty gay, punk, rebellious lover of technology and rock who also likes eating junk food and burgers instead of salads because who the fuck wants to eat kale and lettuce?? But yeah, I love rock music, leather jackets, tattoos, and burgers. My favourite band is Hollywood Undead and you best believe I jam out to their songs whenever I’m fronting. Not much else about me honestly, I’m just a simple chick. 

Marien : He / Him, Internal self helper, Slider alter.

what’s up my dudes and dudettes? i’m just a promiscuous nerdy blond punkster you can call Marien. i’m chill, relatively loud sometimes and love being with my friends or people I just genuinely like. i love video games, cyberpunk shit, loud music and watching people fail, gives me joy. i enjoy being reckless and a little too energetic sometimes and am usually the one at parties who jumps onto the table and chugs two bottles of beer before raiding the person’s fridge for food and passing out in a bush the next morning, so i guess you can call me the life of the party haha. anyways hmu whenever, totally free to chat

Marien Ⓐ

Nathaniel : He / Him, Internal self helper, Slider alter.

Hello, I’m Nathaniel. :D I really like pop music, the colour green, birds and coding. My wardrobe is always filled with green sweaters, hoodies and my favourite beanies. All the people in my friend group are my best friends and I always treasure my laptop and phone because they’re my most precious belongings. A lot of the times I make spelling mistakes but thankfully a lot of my friends point it out to me and I sometimes use an app to correct everything! Technology, ducks, and cereal are honestly my favourite things! Nathaniel :D

Oli ( n ) : She / Her, Emotional alter, Teen alter

Hi, my name is Oli. I love everything pastel, comfortable sweaters, and blankets. I have a little bit of trust issues and I’ll be honest, I’m not the strongest alter out there so I am very dependent on others sometimes. I like making cheesecakes, taking care of plants and sketching up fictional characters. I do promise that I’m nice and very approachable! :o <3 

Mallory : He / Him, Persecutor / Perpetrator, Slider alter. 

Hello. My name is Mallory but do feel free to call me Mal. I’m not an alter that usually fronts but I am a very important alter in this system, just preferring to spend time in my own place. I like to spend most of my time in the dark and with the people I like. Other than that, I also do like laughing. Always helps lift up the mood. 

MALLORY.XX

Anyways, that is a short introduction from most of us. We’ll be posting and reblogging whenever we have time. Do feel free to chat if you’d all like, we’re always happy to make new friends.

- TheClubOfHomies

[faelapis]

about characters in steven universe being put “on hold”

personally, the “open” plotlines is something i really enjoy about SU. 

i'm glad it’s not cookie-cutter "a character is introduced, an arc happens, then resolved. that’s how people work. then the Gang(tm) are Friends. the status quo is Happy. side characters give you nothing to yearn for, because their arcs are already resolved".

the thing is, SU makes the world feel more emotional and connected. they don’t “close the book” on characters after they’ve had the spotlight once. 

the status quo isn’t happy - it builds discomfort and miscommunication over time until it reaches a boiling point. the drama that arise from that is something the writing cares about. it trusts you to notice character flaws and wants you to yearn for them to be addressed. 

in other words - there are character reasons to keep watching, rather than just plot reasons. 

this show teases and builds very effectively. without hiatuses, it flows nicely to either bingewatch, or watch once a week. 

it uses its time to move characters to a place where they have enough information and development to deal with situations when they pop back up... i say “back” because often, in storytelling, there’s a time to introduce a character, but it may not mean it’s the right time to fully develop them. 

to use a popular example: bismuth. 

back during the summer of steven, neither steven (nor the crystal gems) had enough information or development to truly challenge rose. it was a moment of shock and doubt for steven, but with everything going on, i believe this would not have been the best time to "keep” bismuth and give her an arc. 

what we needed first, were five things (thus far): 

1: in “bismuth”, we get introduced to a nuanced character, with faults and an interesting perspective, a rockin’ theme and design, as well as an agonizing dilemma that steven wasn’t prepared to deal with. he was still at a point where the only way he felt comfortable challenging rose was through telling the other crystal gems what she did... and it’s important to give bismuth an introductory episode before doing anything else. for the audience’s sake. i often find it annoying if a character is introduced only to immediately be given all the focus. i find it more interesting to be like “so, here’s a person... but we’re gonna be restrained enough to make you yearn for them”.

2: in “earthlings”, after bringing up the issue of whether shattering a diamond is a good idea, we see the consequences of that. that little idea of bismuth’s? it did happen. it did not drive pink’s surviving gems towards freedom, but to mourning and revenge. seeing jasper would be something of a nightmareish thing for bismuth, because she’d be confronted with how her idea could impact those she wants to liberate, and how the crystal gems objectified and traumatized literal child soldiers who didn’t have a choice.

3: in “mindful education”, after going through some more trauma, steven feels incredibly guilty towards bismuth, jasper, the rubies... and most of all, his failure to live up to rose. 

at this point, he’s at a point of panic. he doesn’t know what to do, and needs coping strategies for his guilt and anxiety. to me, it’s very much understandable that he tries to bury these feelings; he feels too incompetent to try to help anyone. after confronting those feelings, with connie’s help, he starts rebuilding himself by helping with smaller human conflicts.... and realizing he needs more information to confront gem stuff.

4: in “storm in the room”, steven has a debate with himself about what he wants rose to be, versus who she really is. in it, he acknowledges how hypocritical it seems to bubble bismuth, not tell anyone, and maybe even shatter a diamond herself. this is something rebecca sugar herself has also called a huge mistake of rose’s, in case you thought you were supposed to be happy with that. the show’s pretty openly saying no, you’re not. keep watching. 

that confrontation mellowed out, but it left steven accepting that he’s not ok with things as they are. he has to deal with the mess rose left behind.

5: in “i am my mom”, we see an even more radical steven: he makes a decision that, albeit self-sacrificial, goes directly against what rose would have wanted. at that point, he acknowledges that himself “she wouldn’t have wanted this... but i do”. he’s been pushed to a point where he can no longer be in rose’s shadow. he wants to deal with her problems, but he does not want to be her. 

so... where am i going with this? i’m trying to illustrate that, as steven develops, it puts him (and the other characters) in a place where they can deal with situations coming from a better place - with an understanding that helps them confront problems head-on, instead of shelving/panicking/not knowing what to do about them. 

lars is another great example of this

so after lars is left in space in “lars’ head”, we go back to earth to confront some other stuff. i’ve seen people questioning the legitimacy of this, but i would argue that this is hugely important, from a narrative perspective, so that steven can help lars later. 

there’s been little room for steven to breathe and think about what he wants to do next. upon his return, his closest friendship (connie) is threatened, so naturally, he gets absorbed in that. then, the gems take him on a vacation to help him work through things... he can’t get his mind off connie, but he’s given support and is able to have a nice night. then lapis leaves, in part because people wanted to believe she was fine and ignored the darkness within... then, he helps peridot, and it helps reminds them both that there are other meaningful relationships in their lives... finally, he’s ready to make up with connie. then, with her support, he feels ready to tackle lars.

and this all matters because steven and connie helping lars “snap out of it” regarding sadie was a strong parallel to what they’d just experienced: 

you can hurt loved ones without meaning to. you might need time to yourself after that, but you still care. you may do things that accidentally hurt them because something else matters more, but it’s not out of malice. 

communication and trust can overcome the urge to assume the worst: steven wasn’t trying to hurt connie by sacrificing himself. connie wasn’t trying to hurt steven by taking time to sort out her feelings. sadie wasn’t trying to “get back” at lars by moving on. lars isn’t trying to hurt sadie by helping his new friends escape to earth.

these kinds of character-driven connections and developments, borne from understanding and communication, are at the heart of what the show is. 

i fully believe the show will bring back all the characters you’re worried about, given time and seasons. the same applies to other open plot threads... when it’s time. when it’s ready. why wouldn’t they? when peridot mentioned the cluster in jailbreak, i saw no reason to be up in arms that that wasn’t next on the agenda. it was a mystery addressed in due time: given time to be built up properly, connected with character arcs and interwoven into the larger story.

steven universe cares deeply about continuity. it is consequently careful about what they plant and how they use payoff - they may leave you hanging, but it’s usually for good reason. it’s certainly never forever. 

[elegantgothicoctopi]

Synopsis and Declaration

-So with all 13 Volumes and 159 Chapters of Moyashimon now done I can feel safe giving my final take on all of it. TLDR at the very end. -The reoccurring themes of the story were that of expectations and assigned roles in life. That of growing up and changing who you are. A major one is that of finding your way and place in the world and the within the people around you. Which it does a wonderful job of exploring and crafting rich stories of loyal friendships and camaraderie interwoven with people stepping up to take drastic measures to work towards their goals with the realization that one can’t do it alone. Now with all that in mind this series is like 60-70% Slice of Life anime and the rest is very textbook stuff on all sorts of scientific matters mostly relating to Microbes, brewing, and the process of fermentation and ageing of consumable goods. Going back to the friendship element this story really makes me wish I had done more with my friends during college, everytime Sawaki and the other guys got into some scheme or shenanigans it made me smile and remember the moments from my younger years with my group of friends. Also Haruka’s story arc with her father and the responsibility of facing these issues head on really struck a chord with me and it makes me wish I had done so in my life sooner. Back to the manga in regards to itself now; the art is pretty good with a very nice style slowly being crafted and realized by the half-way mark. The character designs are solid especially considering the mid-2000s setting of the story which is also reflected in the clothing of certain characters. Although I do feel that there was a bit more that could’ve been done to make the female characters more distinctive in their faces from one another but fortunately enough you don’t really run the risk of mistaking characters for one another but it’s just something I felt could’ve been done to make them all more unique. -On the biggest draws for me was the character of Yuuki Kei. One of the first “trap characters” or well part of the starting trend during that time but unlike most crossdressing characters that are simply a female character in appearance and personality who we’re told are boys for the sake tapping into that fan demopgraphic *usually for cheap exploitation of sexual fantasies* we see a lot of the male side of Kei which makes him a character that for someone like me is much more relate-able and enjoyable on a honest and pure level. The depth of his insecurities and sense of self that develops is what even to this day makes him one of the best written male crossdressing characters in an Anime/Manga that I’ve read. But the real moments that make me attached to him are the assertive/angry moments.

This character had been a huge reason for me coming out of my meek shell and doing what I do now and this scene and others like it are what made me realize that there’s more than just aesthetics that made me drawn to him as an ideal as a representation. Kei whole thing is no matter how layers of ruffle and frills there are; under the surface is a fiery boy with goals to accomplish and obstacles to conquer. I’ve left my shell and have matured into what I would like to think is the same.

-Which leads to my final and unrelated Declaration. My life is currently in shambles, it’s spiralling into a humiliating defeat. I’ve been spending the last little bit down at my parents trapped in four tiny walls with no freedom or enjoyment. This has given me time to finish this series and ruminate on my life. I feel late to everything I’ve ever done or wanted too in my life. Mostly out of cowardice and and an unwillingness to confront hard situations putting my happiness to the wayside to avoid conflict. Of course I hit breaking points and charge forward into the gaping maw of uncertainty and failure to move ahead in my life. I need to keep that mentality going I know myself I know my default state of misery and unhappiness will never let go of me. So my goals now are to move forward to jump into the gaping maw of the unknown again and to use these years to burn this image of me as a parallel to Kei as the fiery Gothic Lolita boy that so many of you have come to know and love into as many memories and moments as I can. TLDR:  Great Slice of Life Manga that’s a bit heavy at times on the textbook details,Kei is easily one of best “Trap” character ever written in terms of actually having depth,and my own life is in a failing state but if I keep my self aggressive and dedicated I will over come this and accomplish more than I ever have before.

[head-and-heart]

Why did Clarke fall in love with Bellamy?

Okay so this post is really late (but it seems to be the general agreement amongst my followers that this post is needed now more than ever so here we are). I wrote a post based on an ask I received awhile ago about why Bellamy fell in love with Clarke (you can find it here) and I really, really wanted to follow it up with the flip side to that post, focusing instead on why Clarke fell in love with Bellamy. (’Cause guess what bitches? Bellarke is real and it goes both ways and I’m going to talk about why.)

In my initial post about why Bellamy fell in love with Clarke I focused quite extensively on how love isn’t selective and you don’t just fall in love with some parts of a person, but you fall in love with their everything. You love them as a whole. So if you are interested in reading my argument on that, its all in the other post. I’m not going to spend to much time rehashing it here, but just know that everything regarding that concept is just as applicable to Clarke’s feelings for Bellamy as it is to Bellamy’s feelings for Clarke. 

But in order to get to that point, we have to start from somewhere. 

Why did Clarke fall in love with Bellamy? Why did she fall in love at all? And why him? 

The answer - at least according to my personal interpretation - is pretty simple.

While Bellamy initially fell in love with Clarke because she offered him hope, Clarke fell in love with Bellamy because he offered her stability. 

I’m going to explore this idea in depth, so if you’re interested in hearing me out, continue below the cut.

Just as Bellamy’s feelings for Clarke are all connected to his life on the Ark, and the way he grew up and how that shaped him as a person, Clarke’s feelings for Bellamy are intrinsically linked to her own personal backstory and experiences separate from Bellamy himself.

Lets take a trip back to Season 1. 

Prior to landing on the ground, Clarke’s life was about as close to the definition of perfect that you could get in a place like the Ark. She was, as Emori stated, loved and well-taken care of. She was privileged, had an incredibly loyal best friend and a stable family life. Due to her social class and her parents’ careers, she was basically guaranteed a desirable work position and a steady and comfortable lifestyle.

But that all spun out of control. With her father’s decision to go public about the Ark dying, everything in her life that was nice and consistent and stable became hectic and confusing and tied with heavy and unpleasant emotions. 

Her family was ripped apart through death, the council upon which her mother sat upon locked her up and isolated her for a year. Her best friend, the one person she thought she could trust, betrayed her (or so she believed). The privilege she used to possess? Gone. The most she could hope for would be the chance for a pardon, which is incredibly unlikely due to the fact that the Ark needed the extra oxygen more than ever, as well as the fact that they couldn’t risk her telling anyone what she knew.

That stability she used to have, the comfort? It just disappeared. Clarke’s world tipped off its axis and everything from that moment onwards was off-balance and interwoven with lies and the constant shifting of the unknown.

Loneliness and isolation greeted her instead of the love and company she grew up with. Uncertainty replaced her confidence in her future, and the future of her people. Skepticism and the building of walls replaced trust in her loved ones.

So here’s where I start talking about Clarke’s relationships, and not just her relationship to Bellamy. I’m going to get to that, but in order to express properly how important he is to her, I feel spending some time on her other major relationships will be of value to sell my point. 

So allow me to talk about Finn, Abby, Jake, L.exa, and Wells - arguably the five closest people to Clarke throughout the course of the show, excluding Bellamy (for now). 

I think that it is important to talk about Clarke’s isolation on the Ark. For a year, she had no contact with her mother, with Wells (who she hated at the time), with anyone else but possibly prison guards and maybe Jaha or Kane (but we don’t know the details). By the time Clarke got to the ground, I’m sure she was craving human connection, affection, some sort of contact with another person. If you think about it, Clarke had nothing: no parents, no friends, no lover. She was completely alone.

And that’s how Finn found his way into her heart so easily. Because he was confident and he played Mr. Nice Guy and he liked her, flirted with her. But their love was shallow (as love often is when you’ve known each other for ten days) and Clarke ended up getting hurt ... again.

Finn betrayed her, in a way. He didn’t directly lie to her face, but he didn’t tell her the truth about Raven either. He deliberately kept secrets from her, because Finn wasn’t confident in how she would react. He didn’t want to entertain the thought that she might drop him; he didn’t take her personal feelings into account at all. 

From Clarke’s discovery about Raven and onwards, her trust in Finn was completely tainted. She didn’t know what to believe about him, she stopped leaning on him for support and started leaning on others (ironically, Raven was one of them, and another was Bellamy - who Finn was very clear about distrusting). Following Finn’s betrayal, Clarke completely lost sight of who Finn was. And maybe, just maybe, she never really knew who he was at his core to begin with. 

So here Clarke was: leaning on a boy for support, seeking any kind of stability she could find, and he tore the ground from under her feet. She was left off-kilter and unbalanced once more, even more alone than she was before she met him, even more distrusting and isolated. 

Okay, so that’s a brief summary on Finn. He’ll be brought up again later. 

Next up is Abby, Clarke’s very own mother. This is a unique relationship because it is a mother-daughter relationship. That’s the kind of bond that you just cannot compare to anything else. It is entirely its own. 

But that bond has been tested. Abby, like Finn, did not tell Clarke the truth about Jake. She led her to believe, through avoiding the truth, that Wells was responsible for her father’s death when - in reality - that was a lie. 

And Clarke and Abby’s relationship at the moment is steady (like I said: mother-daughter relationship, it can’t be replicated) but it wasn’t always that way, and they have their own baggage too. In any case, Clarke loves her mother and she always will, but she doesn’t lean on her in the same way anymore. As Raven said, she’s not a kid anymore.

Jake I threw in because, as her dad, he was obviously an important person in her life. But he’s also not around anymore, and she can’t lean on him for support either. His death is also the catalyst for her life falling apart.

Moving on, next up is L.exa. However their relationship turned out in Season 3, it doesn’t change the fact that L.exa betrayed Clarke in 2x16. She broke the coalition, she essentially broke her promise to Clarke that she would stand by her side, and its no wonder that Clarke has trust issues. And that trust was never truly repaired in Season 3, because it never had an opportunity to be tested. Their relationship was so wrapped up in politics, their clans so wrapped up in war with each other, that they never really could retrieve what they had following their alliance in Season 2 or fully address the tragedy in the way it fell apart.

I’m not going to delve into this because that’s not the point of this post. I’m just making a point to emphasize the common thread among all of Clarke’s deepest relationships that I’ve discussed, which is (with the exception of Jake) that they all involve a betrayal and/or lies, and all of them are lacking in trust. 

Even Wells, Clarke’s best friend, lied to her. Yes, he was trying to protect her. But as the series progresses, we are learning more and more that sugarcoating things or trying to do something for people you care about for their “own good” isn’t always the best thing to do: sometimes you need to give people a choice and let them decide for themselves how to respond. 

What I’m getting at, and what you may have already guessed, is that Bellamy is Clarke’s one exception to this constant cycle of lies and betrayal. He has never lied to her before. Not even once. In fact, if anything, it’s his total lack of hesitance to be honest with her - even when the truth hurts - that has led to most of the conflict in their relationship (and, yeah, I’m thinking of “Hakeldama”).

That’s what Clarke has been missing in all her previous relationships. That’s what makes Bellamy different. Its his honesty, his tendency to point out all the harsh realities of the situation that they are in and never let Clarke forget for one second who she really is, what she stands for, what’s important. He doesn’t sugarcoat things, he never has. He doesn’t hide things from her because he’s afraid of how she will react, he tells it to her straight. 

And you know what? It’s that honesty that I believe initially made Clarke start to lean away from Finn and more on Bellamy back in Season 1. He may have acted like a power-hungry asshole at the start (which we know isn’t who he really is, and Clarke knows that too) but he never lied to her, or tried to manipulate her, or do anything of that sort because he didn’t need anything from her. He didn’t ask anything of her. 

Once Clarke peeled back Bellamy’s layers and saw who he truly was, not who he pretended to be and not who he wanted her to think he was, she never stopped seeing the truth. She never had to question his motives or the person he is at his core because she just knew. 

He was Bellamy. 

I feel like I need to compare Bellamy and Clarke’s relationship to Clarke’s relationships with Finn and L.exa because I want to emphasize that there’s something Bellamy and Clarke have that the others never did: trust. 

Clarke has trusted Bellamy ever since Season 1 - she said as much to Finn in “Day Trip”. It’s no coincidence that in 1x09, the episode immediately after, Finn says the words “you didn’t have to trust the Grounders, you just had to trust me” because Clarke never truly trusted him, not really. Not after he lied to her.

No. Finn never had the chance to become Clarke’s safe place. He was too unsteady for her to lean on, too unpredictable to calm the storm swirling in her head, too fragile to hold her together. 

So she didn’t lean on him, anymore. She leaned on Bellamy. 

Bellamy is Clarke’s constant. 

When she isn’t sure of anything else, she can be sure of him. She depends on him, knows that he’s her partner and that he’ll be there for her. She doesn’t have any doubt about the person that he is because she knows him. Better than almost anyone else. 

If you even look at “Hakeldama”, arguably their only true fight thus far (besides minor disagreements), Clarke is adamant that she knows who Bellamy really is, underneath the walls he throws up, and it wasn’t the man she was talking to. She said, “this is not who you are” because she knows who he is and she never doubted, never gave up on him. And that’s why it was so easy for her to slip back into the place they used to be in in “Nevermore”, because when she saw him again, she recognized him, and that trust she held for him? It didn’t disappear.

Again, going back to the Finn thing, after what Finn did to the people in Tondc, Clarke’s reaction was drastically different. Instead of pointing out who Finn really is, she said “I don’t even know who you are anymore” because the trust wasn’t there. Finn had betrayed her before, she had no confidence in his morals, in the person he led her to believe that he was. Instead, he was just another variable in Clarke’s life, throwing up new challenges in her path and adding even more tremors to the earthquake that sent her tumbling every corner she turned in her life.

I feel like I’m beating this point to death, but I really want to put a lot of emphasis on Clarke’s trust for Bellamy, and how their relationship is different from any other relationship that Clarke has because she knows exactly who he is, even when they’re not fighting for the same thing. As I stated, he is her constant, he offers her stability. In a world as unpredictable as the universe of The 100, he’s the one thing she is certain of.

But Bellamy offering support to Clarke when she’s struggling isn’t the only thing that makes him different from many of her other relationships. He offers her stability in the crazy and hectic world around her, yes, but he also offers her stability within herself. Allow me to explain.

Throughout the course of the show, Clarke has had so many people telling her who she should be. Wells wanted her to be the girl he knew on the Arc. The delinquents wanted her to be their saviour. Abby (initially) wanted her to continue to be her innocent little girl. Octavia wanted Clarke to “try harder”, to make less difficult choices, to always do the right thing - she wanted her to be perfect. Kane wanted her to be a diplomat. Finn wanted her to be a princess, and L.exa asked her to be Wanheda.

Those last two are the ones I want to focus on, because they are the two parts of Clarke that are constantly at war with each other ... or are they?

Because, really, is Clarke a princess? And is she truly Wanheda?

No, not really. Clarke can’t be placed in either box because she is neither. To try to make it out to seem like she is royalty or the Commander of Death is to simplify her, to make her into something she isn’t, something she doesn’t want to be. The princess and the Commander of Death are parts of Clarke’s story, but they don’t make up her whole. 

While it was so often passed off as a teasing gesture of affection, over the course of the show it became more and more obvious to me that Finn’s nickname “princess” was far more than just a term of endearment, and more accurately a depiction of the girl Finn wanted Clarke to be.

Finn couldn’t accept the dark side of Clarke’s heart. He didn’t like to see her making tough decisions, didn’t like when she brought in guns to camp with Bellamy, as though it was sick and wrong and he couldn’t imagine that this girl, this princess, could possibly do such a thing. The thing is, Finn wanted to be the hero - her hero - he wanted to be the knight in shining armor. And he didn’t like when she didn’t listen to him, or made her own plans, or kept things from him (like in 1x09 with the Grounder meeting at the bridge), didn’t like when she acted as an authority figure, acted independently. Because people like Finn, they need to be needed, they need the attention. And after Raven? She wouldn’t offer him that. 

He built this idealistic version of Clarke in his head, of the princess that he could go and rescue from her tragic past, who he could have for himself (just like the bunker he found, he wanted to keep it for the two of them and not share it). But Clarke wasn’t that princess, and she wasn’t fragile and vulnerable, and she didn’t need him to get done what needed to be done because she's strong and capable enough to do it herself. But with every criticism of all the things Clarke did and the choices she made to protect the camp (eg. allowing Lincoln to be tortured, getting guns with Bellamy, lying to him about the bridge, etc) the more apparent it became that Finn could never reconcile with the fact that Clarke wasn’t the princess he wanted her to be.

From one extreme to the other, now lets talk about the flipside of this: Wanheda. 

While the nickname originated in Season 3, the transition from “princess” to “wanheda” happened long before that. Most evidently in Season 2, L.exa was extremely influential in Clarke’s character arc. She tried to make Clarke cold and ruthless, urged her to use her head over her heart, insisted that love was weakness. L.exa couldn’t see that there was more to life than surviving, more to life than hard choices and heavy costs in the name of keeping her people alive. The princess Finn wanted Clarke to be? L.exa hated that image. She viewed it as weakness, viewed vulnerability as weakness, any emotion as weakness. And so she made Clarke her model, and tried to emulate her in the way that L.exa thought was best. (Important to note that L.exa didn’t believe she was being cruel in doing this - she truly thought that the only way to survive was to turn her heart to stone.)

And so Wanheda was born. In many ways, L.exa’s lessons shaped Clarke up to make the choices that earned her the nickname “Commander of Death”. It was who L.exa wanted her to be - at least, it was at first. 

So Wanheda Clarke was, when she was in L.exa’s presence. Her costume says it all. When in Polis, Clarke was dressed up as a Grounder, she was looked upon like a mythic legend (though not revered), feared, despised by many. A lot of the time, she was only referred to as “Wanheda” - by L.exa and by others - but not by her real name.

Which brings us to this point: Finn could never accept the fact that Clarke wasn’t the pure and innocent princess he wanted her to be, and almost every one of L.exa’s actions in Season 2 (and a bit in Season 3) was an attempt to shape Clarke into the ruthless and tactical shell who would one day be referred to as the Commander of Death. 

They asked her to be only one side of herself, but not the other. Bellamy asked her to be no one other than “Clarke”. 

This is what I mean when I say that Bellamy allows Clarke to find stability within herself. Jaha, while he could not possibly know this, really could not have stated it any better: Bellamy centers Clarke. With him, Clarke finds the happy medium between the princess and Wanheda, the person she truly is. Because no matter how hard she tries to escape herself, no matter how far she runs away from the truth, Bellamy is always there to see through her lies and cut through her bullshit. He knows her, he knows who she is at her core, and it’s not a “princess” and its not “Wanheda”. It’s just Clarke.

I personally love the symbolism behind Clarke’s various names, and the contrast between the way Bellamy refers to her and how others do. After Season 1, he stopped calling her princess entirely (with the exception of 4x01, which I’m going to talk about). 

The only times Bellamy has ever referred to Clarke as “princess” was in a mocking context or by teasing. He mocked her with it at the start of Season 1, because Bellamy didn’t know who Clarke truly was yet. But when he did, the context changed. He no longer used it in the same way as Finn, but used it almost entirely because he knew for a fact that it wasn’t who she was. It became a joke, an amusing term of endearment to describe Clarke, because he’d seen her kill Atom, recognized her broken fragments and rough edges, and knew that she wasn’t just some helpless princess. He knew that she was strong. 

The same reason he started using her nickname as a term of endearment is also the reason that he stopped using it entirely in Season 2 and 3 when their relationship deepened, and it just didn’t make sense to joke about it anymore. The addition of the nickname again in 4x01 is an incredible indication of how far Bellamy and Clarke have truly come, and how much Bellamy’s view of Clarke has evolved. Bellamy called Clarke “princess” ironically, as she marched away from Polis like a badass, holding the fate of the world in her hands. The context brought attention to the inaccuracy of the nickname to begin with, and Bellamy acknowledges that with his teasing gesture.

The only reason the writers would bring back that nickname would be to point out that it means something different this time.

Bellamy was used to point out the bs behind the “Wanheda” title, as well. He has used it a total of two times, and both times the word was full of mocking. In 3x05, when Bellamy refers to Clarke by her new name, he says it with bitterness, a clear slap in the face at the person that Clarke is pretending to be. 

And the hit lands. 

In the “Hakeldama” fight, Bellamy reminds Clarke of who she is, points out the mistakes she has made as a result of trying to stifle the girl she is at her heart in favour of serving what she believes to be a greater cause (but is it really?). There’s a reason that Clarke feels so different and isolated from both her people and herself when she’s in Polis, a reason why she barely greets her mother with anything but an unenthusiastic hug in 3x03. It’s because she’s trying to cover up and ignore Clarke, the girl from the sky, so she can pretend that “Wanheda” is who she’s always been. Why? Because it’s easier that way. That way, in accepting this person she believes herself to be, she can find peace within herself.

...

Right?

Wrong.

It’s no mistake that, up until the end of “Hakeldama”, the only scenes to draw true and heavy and raw emotions from Clarke are her scenes with Bellamy. It’s no mistake that the few and far between glimpses of that girl we met in Season 1 were caught in the moments where Bellamy tore off the mask she wore and ripped away the stone encasement around her heart. 

In 3x02, we saw desperation as Clarke begged for Bellamy’s life.

In 3x03, we saw painfully attempted masked anguish as Clarke watched Bellamy walk away from her.

In 3x05, we saw the entire scope of Clarke’s emotions - from collected demeanor, to hurt, to guilt, to hope when he reached out for her hand, and finally despair at the realization that she might lose Bellamy, too. 

And when Bellamy leaves? The mask is back on. Clarke returns to Polis and maintains her cold facade, her steady tactics, her reserved demeanor. 

Is that who Clarke is? No, but Bellamy isn’t there to center her, is he? So she falls back into the trap of who the people around her tell her to be - Wanheda - and shuts away the girl who she really is. 

When she’s around Bellamy, she isn’t capable of of upholding that facade for very long.

I think that we’re going to really see this idea hit home in 4x11, because Clarke is starting to revert back to that shell she became in 2B. But this time, Bellamy isn’t going to be in Mount Weather, and this time Clarke doesn’t have an isolated Polis tower to run to. No, this time, Bellamy is inescapable and - inevitably - so is herself. I’m prepared to see Bellamy remind Clarke of the girl she is to break her out of this cold place once again. Because he’s the only one who can possibly reach her.

Anyway, I don’t want to talk too much about 4x11 so I’ll start to wrap up this post now. In short, Clarke fell in love with Bellamy because he offers her support and honesty and stability in her life when the world is raging around her. She can trust him like no other person, and can depend on him. So much to the extent that she can depend on him to keep her grounded and true to who she really is. With Bellamy, Clarke doesn’t have to be a princess or Wanheda, she just gets to be Clarke, because he wants nothing more from her. 

The truth is, Bellamy doesn’t dislike Clarke for her flaws, or for her mistakes, or anything of that matter. He embraces them, he loves her for who she is, every part of her - the good and the bad, and he’ll accept her mistakes and weak spots and her vulnerabilities because he loves her, in any circumstance, and doesn’t need her to be anyone else but herself. With Bellamy, Clarke doesn’t need to fear rejection for being the person that she is, because he’ll always accept her no matter what. 

As I said, Bellamy is Clarke’s constant (in more ways than one) and that is one fact that has not changed over the course of the show. 

He is both her weakness and her strength. The heart to her head. The other side of her coin. Duel flame. Her port in a storm. The compass that leads her home. Any other cliche you can think of describing balance and stability - it doesn’t matter how cheesy it is, because that’s truly what Bellarke is. 

But the meta isn’t over yet, because I have failed to address one little (but important) thing. When you fall in love with a person, you don’t fall in love with just one little thing or one part of them - as I talked about in my meta about why Bellamy fell in love with Clarke, he didn’t just fall in love with certain parts of her but not the others, he fell in love with her everything. Clarke functions no different in that regard. 

She didn’t just fall in love with Bellamy’s stability and honesty and support - she fell in love with every single piece of him that makes him into who he is, too. She fell in love with his defiance, and his grit. She fell in love with his strength of character and determination. She fell in love with his loyalty, his stubbornness. She fell in love with his large capacity for empathy, and his protectiveness. She fell in love with every single part of him that made him Bellamy.

I didn’t intend to spend too much time on that last point because I talked about in my other post about Bellamy falling in love with Clarke, but I still feel like its an important thing to point out because we have to remember that love isn’t selective, and Clarke doesn’t just love Bellamy for one reason over another (because to make that assumption simplifies their relationship).

This is my interpretation of why Clarke initially started falling in love Bellamy (and then it just escalated and snowballed from there as Clarke fell in love with more and then most and then all of Bellamy over the last three and a half seasons). I hope it was worth the wait, and that you enjoyed it!

[thekaijudude]

Ok so which Grigio is your favourite and why?

I can't really say I have an overall favorite due to each having different reasons why I like it and don't which more or less kind of cancels out.

Bone:

Pretty neat design overall for a debut series kaiju. It was especially neat to know that it was this incarnation that fought alongside Rosso and Blu against Reugosite 1 300 years ago. It just adds so much flavour to the character with that backstory which is what we don't get much (at all perhaps) for kaiju from the New Gen Era.

But what I dislike about him is not really him per se but it's just that we subsequently see King and Regina but we never really understood how he evolved to those forms.

Like, there was no process, Saki just pulls out a King crystal from her ass and inserts it right into her Gyro without any explanation.

Where did she get it?

How did she evolve Bone to King?

Was there a process that we missed out but could've been potentially been a good subplot or perhaps even interwoven into the main plot?

If she had the King Crystal or even Regina all along, why did she chose to fight against Reugosite in her weakest form 1 300 years ago?

Most things in R/B seems very rushed which because extremely apparent once Saki came along as we start to see more and more things happen without rhyme or reason, which left us with awkward dialogs and characters which couldve been passed as poor acting (yeah I came across 4 people who shared this view, which I could see where you guys are coming from)

King:

You can definitely tell it's an upgrade from bone as they use more or less the same suit, just recoloured and added more spiky parts just to make it look cooler.

For some thing is that there's that logic right there, a logical evolution (which is something I really appreciate in these disastrous times by which you can really tell how deprived I am from the New Gen Era)

But why did it evolve to have a cannon tho? That wasn't really ever explanation as to why cause I initially thought there's a philosophical reason but I have yet to find one (if anyone knows, pls share) but I actually love how they managed to integrate the huge cannon with his being to make it seem like a part of itself rather nicely as it's very easy to make such an inclusion extremely awkward (if u guys saw the Showa era, you know what I'm talking about)

In addition, along with the point that King has included more apparent armor on his being, some parts seems just plain redundant which made the suit actually more awkward. For example, the metal claws were too thick which was way too out of proportioned to his fingers is one example.

His Giga King Cannon has really neat aesthetics tho. You can really feel the power emenating from it through the sound and looks.

Regina:

Tbh she doesn't even look like she's related to the earlier two.

And her two shoulder cannons just made her look like Maga Orochi which many have already pointed out and I really wished they would just replace those two with just two of King's cannons.

Although I like her overall armored look and roughness, I just really loathe the fact that they hand her hands into what I call the 'Sherpardon Syndrome' in which the while hand with its fingers are simply merged into one piece of evident rubber. It really makes the whole scene very fake and awkward, but I guess it's just the limitations of tokusatsu.

However, her Erga Trio Cannon looks and sounds less impressive than the Giga King Cannon which was definitely something I wasn't really happy about and I noticed it at once when I saw that scene.

Also she doesn't have her own DX figure release which is probably the issue that I'm most pissed about.

Otherwise all these kaiju actually all suffer from the issue I talked about with Bone and links between them as their names seems to imply that there's a colony of them of sorts as their species have a King and Queen but wasn't actually explored.

And now that I think of it, perhaps it's just the problem of using drafts in the final cut as intertwining a kaiju whom is actually the weakest of its species with a girl that is the sister of two ultramen all within a New Gen Hero series along with only 25 episodes sounds pretty ridiculous.

So there's one of the things I've observed that seems rushed when it comes to the production of R/B

I have a good feeling for the movie tho...

[wellmeaningshutin]

Short Story #96: Tired of Politics.

Written: 4/12/2017                                                                Interwoven Week

For the first time, in a long time, Nick had questioned his views, both politically and scientific, and he wasn’t sure anymore if he was right. His friend had made a Facebook post on something his roommate said, and while everyone laughed at it, laughed at the idea that they were supposed to be the deluded ones, instead of the people on the other side, Nick realized that there was a point to what they were laughing at, but there was also a point to their laughing. Both sides were credible, and this had taken a lot of energy to process, so he decided that since it took him so long to figure out the possibility that he may be wrong, it was too much effort to figure out the actual answer. So, he pushed his laptop off of his lap, and announced to his wife, “I’m done with everything, this is just too much for me.”

“Done with what?” Asked his wife, not looking up from the book she was reading.

“Science, politics, everything. People keep arguing that both sides of the issues are right, and they both seem to know what they’re talking about, and I’m tired of it all. I don’t care if I was right or wrong, I just want out. I don’t want to hear about politics anymore, I don’t want to get involved in a billion debates over whether or not vaccines give you autism, or if global warming is real or not. I don’t care who is in the white house, and what they’re saying, I think I’m just going to stay out of it.”

Still not looking at him, “How are you going to stay out of it?”

“I don’t know, I think I’ll just try to, like, not bring it up or whatever.”

Looking up at him and laughing, “And how do you expect to do that? Nowadays there’s no way that you could expect to stay away with this sort of ‘discussion’”, she made air quotes when she said that last word, “because its going to find you wherever you are. No matter where you go online, somebody’s going to connect something to current events, to their own opinions, its just unavoidable. You could look up a video on how to tie your own goddamned shoes, and you can find a ton of comments along the lines of ‘If only this candidate I don’t like was competent enough to tie their own shoes’, followed by a comment chain where people try to convince each other of their own opinions, without even trying to listen to the other people. Its a fucking mess.”

“Well, I’ll just stay away from the internet then. I’ll just go back to doing things the way people did things when the world sucked.”

“That’s a nice thought, but what about all of the opinions that are all over the television, the protests on the streets, the disk jockeys that have to put their two cents in? And if you manage to avoid all of that, what about normal conversation? This isn’t the sixties anymore, people don’t shut up about politics. Its actually become a main talking point for everyone, you can’t talk to anyone without them complaining about what’s going on, its like a social norm.”

“Well-”

“And let’s not forget that-”

“Okay, whatever, I’ll just be a moderate then! I’ll sit on the fence, and try to be as unoffensive as I possibly can.”

“I think you’re idealizing people then, because no matter what you do, somebody is going to hate you. And these days, due to everyone being so opinionated, it looks worse if you don’t pick a side, than if you do, because you’re basically saying that people’s view points are on par with the view points of their enemies. That’s basically worse than having the position of their enemies, because at least then they could call you deluded and not take you seriously at all. However, since you would refuse to pick a side, they would see you as a bigger problem, not only because you put white nationalists and social justice warriors in the same category, which is like saying that people of one side are just as bad as their enemies, but it also leaves you vulnerable to the hateful ‘if you’re not with me, you’re against me’ fallacy.”

“Oh god, please don’t use the word ‘fallacy’, like” rolling over and putting his face into his bed’s pillow, “I’m following the point you’re making, but I just can’t take that word anymore. Its just a part of the problem. People keep throwing that shit back and forth, and it feels like a majority of the time they don’t know how to use it right, but I’m not sure if I even know how to use them right. Like, everyone keeps saying radically different things in the name of ‘logic’, but nobody wants to think that they might be illogical.”

“Sorry babe.”

“Its okay, its just…”

“Exhausting?”

“Yeah. You’re making good points, too, but its just kind of making everything worse, you know? Like,” his forehead creased, which is a rare occurrence since its normally smoother than the image socially inept guys have of themselves when they wear suits, but it creases up whenever he gets lost in thought, which isn’t very often, “I think I just want to just leave everything behind, just go live in the woods, you know? I need to return to nature, I need to return to my roots. Maybe people weren’t meant to be political animals, maybe the fact that we’re trying to form societies is the reason we’re so unhappy. Like, if we were supposed to be civilized, then wouldn’t we have formed the perfect society already? Wouldn’t it just come naturally to us? You know who doesn’t fuck with politics? Trees. Gnats. Wolves. I think I’d probably want to live with the wolves the most.”

“I love you but that’s fucking stupid. How come everyone thinks of living with the wolves? You always hear of children raised by wolves or whatever, but why does it have to be wolves? Why not something more majestic, like salmon?”

“Salmon aren’t, what the fuck are you talking about? Why the hell would I want to live with salmon?”

“They leap up rivers, they fucking own the place when fall comes around, have you ever seen them leap around? Have you ever seen footage of an eagle swooping down and tearing a salmon from the river? Think about it. Eagles are majestic animals, they’re like the most majestic animal, especially since they’re America’s god damn bird, and you know the good ol’ US wouldn’t do anything if it wasn’t the best thing to do.”

“That’s why we’re not China.”

“And a majestic animal has to eat the most majestic food that they can find.”

“Don’t they eat other things than salmon?”

“Yeah, but salmon leap, and-”

“But a lot of animals leap, wolves fucking leap. I don’t understand the point you’re trying to make right now.”

“I think I might just be hungry, salmon sounds really good right now. Like, for some reason I want to have a burger, that has a fried egg on top, then on top of that egg is a good slice of smoked salmon.”

“Are you high?”

“Why do people always ask that when somebody says something out of the norm?”

“I was only-”

“Like, whenever I paint something, or come up with an idea, people always say ‘you must have been really high when you thought of that’, and its just frustrating. Like, is it a way for non-creative people to explain their own lack of ideas, since they can’t imagine how a sober person could actually think of something interesting? Or is it a way for society to undermine the real thinkers in life, like do they just claim that most of the out-of-the-box creative efforts are only a side effect of addiction, something only a user could come up with, as a way of shaming- Hey, wait, what are you doing?”

“I’m packing.” Nick said as he began to stuff random clothing articles into a knapsack. “This is the kind of stuff that I want to get away from, I don’t care what you’re views are on society. Hell, I don’t even care about what my own views are anymore. Society can go to hell, fuck it and all of its issues. I’m going to go live with nature, where nobody is going to judge me, where it will just be me and the trees and the wolves. And if we don’t have any wolves then I’ll hang with the coyotes, and if we don’t have those I’ll just have to adapt, like nature, like how evolution changes animals so that they can survive better in their environments.”

“That’s not how evolution works, if-”

“Look, I don’t care. I don’t care if I’m right or wrong, because I’m going to be where opinions don’t exist any further than ‘oh, I’m hungry’ or ‘oh, something is hunting me’. Animals and plants are the ones who know what the real things are to life, they know that survival is all we should worry about. Do you think rabbits sit around and think they’re clever for referencing Plato’s cave? No, they eat grass, and try not to die. That’s life.”

“But in civilization you don’t have to worry about that stuff, its all-” he didn’t hear the rest of what she said, he was already out the door and ready to start his new life. ———————————————————————————————————

Now, Nick didn’t really know much, if anything, about surviving out in the wilderness, but he believed with some hard work and a can-do-spirit that he could solve any problems that life threw in his path, and because of that he spent the first night shivering, and trying to find a place where he would feel safe enough to sleep, where he wouldn’t be at risk of some mangy beast eating him in his sleep. Overall it was not a fun night, especially with the twigs snapping in the distance, the hoots of the owls, the vague howls in the distance, the deer carcass, which had its mid section ripped open, and its insides spilled out onto the forest floor, which made Nick confused, because he couldn’t tell if he was afraid of the dead animal, of the gore, or the fact that it seemed fresh, meaning whatever killed it was waiting nearby, and could possibly try to do the same to him. At one point it seemed like he had finally found a safe spot to get some rest, one that was also able to help protect him from the night’s concerning lack of warmth, but after only a minute of shut eye he felt something crawl onto his hand, and learned that spiders existed out in the wild, and that this made them scarier, because he couldn’t see them at all in the dark, and he had to abandon his spot after a lot of panicked thrashing, since he couldn’t tell how many more of the disgusting things were lurking in that spot. He wondered if spiders lived there, because they knew that people and animals would see that it was a good place to rest, making it the perfect trap. He wondered if spiders were proof that there was no god, or at least not a kind god. During the two hours that preceded the sun’s rise, he was haunted by an image of that disemboweled deer, with spiders crawling either in or out of its body, and he couldn’t tell which was worse.

The day time was really pleasant, except for the gnats and bees. It seemed like the nightmarish quality of the woods had disappeared when the sun rose, and there was suddenly nothing to worry about anymore, everything had become beautiful. However, he soon learned that beauty disappears the longer you look at it, and that after ten hours in the daylight, the forest had become one boring place. For some reason, Nick hadn’t seen a single animal at all during the day, and that was starting to annoy him because he was starting to get hungry, and he would rather try to kill something instead of having to play Russian Roulette by trying to eat a random plant, just hoping that it would be safe to eat. Nick decided that if he never saw an animal, or at least couldn’t kill one, and he was forced to eat a plant, he would stay away from the mushrooms at all costs, since they were stereotypically dangerous. Red berries were also a definite no. Sometimes he wondered if grass was the safest thing to eat, and he also considered leaves, or even tree bark. When he finally found a river, he hoped for salmon, just so that he could catch a couple and eat them, but the river’s current turned out to be far too strong for him to even think about stepping inside of it, even if it was just for food, although he did spend two minutes drinking from it, glad that he at least didn’t have to worry about dehydrating.

Night time came once again and he decided to try and stay next to the river, hoping that any predators would be afraid of the current, or that if they leaped at him he could duck out of the way, which would cause them to sail right over him and splash into the current that would force them into a watery grave, or, at the very least, would knock them against a rock that would kill them, and allow Nick to eat their remains. Desperate, starving, and exhausted were the words he described himself as. About half way through the night he had started to drift off, but in his hypnagogic state he saw images of a creature coming out of the river and eating him alive, and decided to wander away to find somewhere where he wasn’t at risk of being murdered and consumed. He tried to figure out how evolution worked, and wondered if his wife was currently pregnant, and he had died in the woods, would his kid be born to adapt better in the forest? Later he cursed himself for actively thinking about the subjects that he was trying to escape from, and then he cursed a rock that he had tripped over, believing that it stood where it was with the intentions of knocking him over. At some point he used the word “philistine”, but couldn’t remember the context, or the meaning of the word. At some point he tried to climb a tree, hoping that if he was up high he could be safe from predators, but the first tree he attempted to climb had claw marks on it, which gave him second thoughts. No animals had been seen, but they were definitely sensed, as if he could feel them out in the dark, waiting for him to take a rest, just for a second, so that they could do the same thing that they did to the deer. He wondered if there were also spiders in the tree, or if scorpions were a thing he had to worry about. Scorpions also seemed to be proof in a lack of a loving god. When the sun rose again, he realized that he had lost his knapsack at some point, and was worried that something had stolen it from him, right off of his back.

This second day was tiring, and the warmth of the sunlight made him want to fall asleep, but he was still worried about predators. Sure, wolves and mountain lions would probably be dozing off right now, but what about raptors or spiders, which he was wondering if they ever slept, he wondered if they were like sharks, and had to stay in constant movement. He was starting to reach a point beyond exhausted, a point whose existence he was unaware of. Plagued by the idea of sudden death at every corner, he considered to skip ahead to the end and bury himself in a shallow grave, then he started to wonder if he could sleep easier if he buried himself, since any predator would only walk over him instead of tearing into him, and that’s when he had the image of digging into the ground, and finding a large mass of spiders under the dirt, like a pit of writhing, black, bodies with way too many eyes and legs, which also didn’t move in the way that legs should move. When he sat down on a stump to rest and stare off into space, trying to think of something pleasant, like water, or smoked salmon, a snake crawled over his foot, and he ran screaming into the forest. Since that was the first animal he had come in contact with (plenty of birds had been seen, but they were too distant and unreal for him to actually consider animals, and the question of bugs being animals was one that he was too exhausted to answer), he decided that it was a sign that he was going to die soon. Later he would wander if he should have killed it and eaten its meat, but then he decided that the meat was probably highly poisonous. He repeated the word “poisonous” until it no longer sounded real. Eventually he found the river again, drank from it, than ate several fistfuls of leaves, until he had picked up a leaf whose backside was infested with spider eggs, and decided to stick to grass for the rest of that meal. A childhood memory came to his mind, where he had hit a spider with a rolled up magazine, but when he lifted it a swarm of baby spiders had taken its place, like a nightmare of physical impotence.

Night came and he began to hear voices in the night, which told him things like “I’m going to cut you open and fuck your guts”, or “the wind is inside of you, hold onto the wind”, and he didn’t know if it was the forest talking to him, the animals talking to him, or ghosts, but then he grappled with the possibility of it being all of the above, a thought that creased his forehead. Starting to believe that the state beyond the threshold beyond exhaustion was clarity, he believed that he could know without a doubt that he was going to die the next night. He started to wonder if that was the forest lying to him, just to get him to let his guard down for tonight. For eleven minutes he had fallen asleep, but he wasn’t aware of this. He tried to climb a tree but was too weak to do so. Eventually he found a group of sleeping deer, and was amazed that he had finally found animals that weren’t fucked up, even if deers seemed to be really strange dogs. They didn’t mind it when he slept with their group, since by his actions an appearance, they figured that he was about to die. After a night of sleeping with the deer, without even trying to hurt them, they had decided that he must be a defected human, and didn’t mind it when he followed them around the next day, although the buck did make sure to keep a close eye on him.

After being fully rested, he was amazed that the deer had taken him in as one of his own, and considered the previous nights in the forest as a sort of spiritual journey that led him on a path to his real people, which weren’t wolves or fish, but deer, which just seemed to wander around, were a paranoid about getting murdered, and ate grass whenever they were hungry. It didn’t really seem any different than what he had been doing, and it started to seem as if this was the beginning of the rest of his life.

However, now that he was able to find sources of food and water (even if they were crude), was able to feel safe, was in the company of others (even if they weren’t human, he found the fact that they couldn’t discuss whatever opinions they may have very appealing), and was able to safely sleep each night, he started to desire more, he started to desire entertainment, stimulation, but worst of all: status. After he was able to tell the does apart, he began to notice cliques among them, noticed who was friends was who, who didn’t like who, and he knew that the buck was in the middle of everything, he was the guy at the top. However, Nick was also a male, he was also considered to be one with the deer, so it wouldn’t be irrational to assume that the buck could see him as a challenge to his power, right? Wouldn’t it be reasonable for the buck to do everything it could to keep Nick away from taking its position, for it to resort to such tactics as spreading false rumors about Nick to the does, to try to assassinate his character, to try to spout anti-human rhetoric to keep him out of power? This last idea had made Nick furious, because he couldn’t understand how they could assume that he was a cold killer, a callous hunter, just because a very, very small percentage of humans hunted deer. He could imagine the buck playing off the few gruesome cases in a way to appeal to the emotions of the deer, to have them make their decisions on fear over fact, and that wasn’t alright, Nick couldn’t take the idea of that, so he knew that he had to strip the buck from power.

It had never occurred to him that the only reason he considered, and feared, these tactics was because these were similar ones he applied back in the civilized world.

First he considered murdering the buck, but the guy never turned his back to Nick, not for one second, and he was naturally armed with those antlers that could rip Nick’s chest right open, which made him wonder if this buck had slain the dead one he had seen on his first night. So, he knew that he would have to wait for a predator to show itself, either so he could use the distraction to murder his rival, and take its position, or so he could defeat the predator himself, and show that he was a bigger hero than the buck was, and cast his shamed predecessor into the exile of the woods.

During that night, while the group had slept, there were sounds of whisperings out in the woods, and it seemed like the buck had not noticed. Nick wondered if it was just in his own head, or the forest’s way of tricking him, then he saw a flicker of orange, and realized that it was hunters out in the night. This was his golden opportunity. All he had to do was talk them up, since they wouldn’t be suspicious of a person, because what rational hunter would think that a fellow human would actually have sided with the deer, had sided with nature. As he silently approached the hunters, he started to wonder why they had to go out and hunt, then decided that it was probably because they were rejecting the fact that humans were destined to live with nature, not society, and had to kill animals to only strengthen their denial. While Nick had moved his way to the huntsmen, he made sure to be quiet enough to not alert any of his pals, but it also happened that he had moved quiet enough for the hunters to not be aware of his presences. When they finally saw him near, one had thought he was a beast and the ragged man was greeted by a loud noise and light, panicked, and then ran back to his friends, not knowing where else to run. Knowing the call of the ferocious hunters, the deer began to flee into the forest, while the buck led the charge, and ended up intersecting the path of Nick, but confused the guy for a hunter, which caused the buck to panic and lunge at Nick with its horns, which gored him, tore his middle section open, and caused him to drop to the ground, ripped open, while his friends had abandoned him.

As he lied there dying, in an intense amount of pain, he was annoyed by the fact that there was a Shakespeare quote that he wanted to say, but couldn’t remember it. The hunters found his body, while he was slowly welcoming the cold, but numb, embrace of death, he could hear the hunters blame strict gun laws, which prevented them from having enough fire power to avenge the poor guy. If he wasn’t so weak, Nick would have screamed.