#like it’s literally to a point my parents know they’ll find me in art aisles or games

[abe-the-detective-blog]

After there aquarium date Abe walked to the small gift shop and joking bought them a friendship bracelets. They were two little sharks one was a red shark and the other was a blue one that stuck to each other when they got close because magnets.

Abe walked back over to mark and puts the red one on his wrist and puts the blue one on himself. “See we match!” Abe admittedly was blushing a bit, only because he is 100% expecting to be teased.

((theses two need they're date and break!>:3))

Markus has been waiting and planning this forever and it was finally here.

He was just getting ready for it, making sure the dress was set in perfect spots, checking his phonet time before grabbing the matching heels with his dress.

Abe was really really happy as he was getting ready for his and Markus date. A date was the only reason why he had kept pushing through the week for.

The detective gave himself a quick glance over making sure the vest he was wearing looked and lined up correctly as well did the skirt with matching. He quickly puts on his shoes and applied a few accessories.

(( @rose-vines-filled-trones ))

[tellcardtowrite]

stages of writing

1. Beginner

everything is scary

what is character?

development how?

exposition is scary 

i’ve read every writing advice thing i can find

how is this story only 2 thousand words?  i worked on it for five days.  it feels like a novel!  

honestly what else can you put into a story?  I’VE DONE EVERYTHING I CAN. 

please help, please tell me if anything is right

ok, if its wrong, that’s ok. we all need constructive criticism to grow.  i’ll just be crying over here, over my keyboard, but it’s ok.  thank you for your honesty.  it’s fine

2. GOD MODE

i created it and i’m going to make it fucking suffer

“moderation” for fucking losers

i made this name up by taking the first letter of every ingredient listed on the cereal i was eating when i created the character.  meet: Csobpsrynzyytrboft.  For short we call her Bunny.

why are all my characters fucking beautiful?  because i like to start with a perfect canvas before i fuck them up

Bunny is the single most powerful thing ever created ever.  she can literally control time and move mountains and heal and--

everyone is fucking everyone else

and nobody is happy

fuck you, the human condition is agony

its not real writing if you leave it feeling good about yourself

comedy is the lowest form of art

I JUST WANT TO MAKE EVERYONE CRY

i took away Bunny’s powers to teach her a fucking lesson.

meet Mott, that’s a brand name of the applesauce I was buying when I thought him up.

Mott is here to fuck you up.  Mott is older than time.  Mott is all powerful.  Mott is so powerful he makes Bunny look like a toddler.  Mott is no hero, he’s uncontrollable chaos

but Mott has a soft side too, he’s really just a gentle, misunderstood abusive ex-boyfriend who only wants everyone in the world to do exactly what he wants

oh and Mott is hilarous

setting?  fuck it

dialogue: NON STOP WIT.  ONE LINERS.  EVERYONE IS TALKING, NOBODY IS SAYING ANYTHING

“Write what you know” bitch I think not.  

“all the stories in the world have already been written” motherfucker, you’ve never read mine!

Grammar?  that’s for bitches that care.  Watch me split a fucking infinitive into splinters.  I’m here to burn this industry down.

oh ho ho you thought Mott was badass, well meet T’pmg.  It’s named after some mail on my desk and it makes Mott look like a elderly man doing a puzzle.  T’Pmg is going to literally kill everyone.  Or marry Bunny

L O V E T R I A N G L E S 

and you can take your unhelpful, jealous constructive criticism and shove it right up your ass because I’m 704% better than any published author in the history of authors.

also how about you learn how to read, reviewers?  how about you take a look again and realize that LITERALLY NOTHING has ever been this level of perfection.  lol readers are all stupid.  you have to like, literally tell them how to think.  lol.

3. Experimental

rational thought begins to return; but is immediately dismissed again

exposition really is the bane of all writers so how about instead of me telling you anything about what’s happening I’ll just go ahead and drop you literally in the middle of a war zone and you’ll just have to figure it out.  never mind even people in the middle of high stress environments think about why they are there and how to get out, this character thinks non-stop about flowers and his Mom.  good luck figuring out what the fuck this story is about

i wrote six of these scenes five years ago and the other 12 last night.  sure they don’t match in tone or story or make sense together but this is ART.

i wrote this entire novel in rhyming couplets

everyone is special, unique and useful

i have rediscovered that sometimes there is sunshine, and also that physical comedy is hard to translate into writing so instead i just decided to give my main character a pet that is actually an Octopus that ate 3/4ths of a vacuum before it got stuck.  the octopus is alive and the vacuum functions despite how this is Impossible(tm) so fuck you

Meet my protagonist his name is Pork and he is Quirky, not for any particular reason, but because I wanted him to be.  Basically he’s well-liked, rich, skilled, handsome, and destined to save mankind if he can just manage to walk in a straight line without falling over some plot hole or another.

spoiler alert: he can’t~

it was two hours after midnight i wrote this by candlelight its called stream of consciousness and flowers are beautiful i never got any flowers when i was dating but you know i really did like sending them and thats whats wrong with the world today punctuation would have been good right here but fuck periods and question marks because really punctuation is actually hold back all authors imagine what we could do if we were allowed to simply write and write and write and you know what i never did learn a single damn thing from a writing advice book because they are all aimed at getting everyone to fall into the status quo and i am FINALLY FREE

if you were ever going to write tentacle porn, this is that time.  go ahead, write your weird, physically improbable porn and enjoy it.

I NEVER KNEW I NEEDED TO KNOW THAT YOU WERE THIS HOT FOR TENTACLES, RANDOM READER, BUT LETS TALK ABOUT YOUR KINK FOR LIKE 30 MINUTES A DAY BECAUSE WE CAN.

4. the rut

what is the point?

this is stupid

i don’t need this in my life

i’ll just day dream about my favorite characters and that’s all i need

words on paper?  that’s so bleh

blech

yuck

and exposition?  still sucks.  so i’ll be over here building an overly complicated, but beautiful detailed world in which to place my precious characters and they’ll be safe there.

nobody leaves reviews on my stuff so why do i bother

5. The Professional

actually, Timothy, if you don’t follow the 9,872,203,293 rules of writing outlined in this comprehensive About Writing Advice Manual that I found in the back of the library than you can’t consider yourself an Author.

that’s what I am, an Author.

a writer is what you call someone how is just doing it for fun.  I’m not doing this for fun, Timothy, I’m here to get Published.  I’m here to get on the New York Times bestseller list.  i’m here to polarize the writing industry with my hard-hitting, insightful novel about the perils of life in these modern times

so, TIM-BO, if you don’t want to follow the rules, if you don’t want to appreciate the work that goes into being an A U T H O R, if you aren’t willing to literally sell your soul to the DEVIL then you shouldn’t be in this writing group.

this writing group is for AUTHORS, TIMBO

and fanfiction?  not writing

children’s books?  not writing

YA Novels?  not writing?

i would literally wipe my ass with all of those.  because they’re shit.

lol, why can’t readers understand anything?  lol.  LEAVE ME NOTES.  

6.  Parent of Six 

yeah I had a story I think

look under the couch?  no not that couch, the other one.  

i mean you can’t escape exposition.  imagine the first day of school, now imagine it without all the teachers passing out a syllabus and telling you about themselves and how you have to turn your homework in on time.  you can’t.  imagine getting hired to a job but nobody tells you where to clock in or what to do so you’re just wearing the smock and wandering the aisles trying to look like you should get paid maybe.

the trick to writing is waiting as long as possible to get started.  that’s the secret.  there’s no other secret.  I tried everything, just put it off until you can’t put it off another minute

yeah this is Bunny.  she used to be a super powerful magical girl but now she’s just trying to figure out how to make potions and doing her best.

i used to write tentacle porn, you know?  i used to be wild.

now i’m up at 2 am googling what time period used cauldrons and wore pointed hats because my alternate-earth story needs to make sense 

i was going to give Bunny a love interest but now I think i’m going to give her a love adversary, as in this asshole won’t leave her alone while she’s trying to get shit done.

seriously Mott.  Bunny doesn’t love you.  she’s in a semi-committed relationship with her best girl friend Tippy.

I should probably make these names make more sense.  honestly fuck it

i wrote six thousand words yesterday but i had taken cold medicine so about four thousand of those words aren’t any recognizable language

thank you for reading.  i’d happily explain my every exact thought on writing if you asked.  seriously.

[hoteles5estrellas]

One of the beauties of being self-employed and living in the boonies is the option to spend the better part of a day compiling shit posts for Reddit while cuddling with your cat.

While I sincerely hope this post is far from shit, here goes – The Ultimate List of Money Saving Tips for Travel

Flights

First and foremost…Read the /r/travel Airfare Wiki – You’ll soon be transformed into a cheap flight guru and save /u/jippiejee an ulcer in the process.

Sign up for airline newsletters: I know your inbox is already overflowing with crap from JCPenny’s & Old Navy but some of the cheapest tickets I’ve ever purchased were direct from the airlines during a flash sale. This technique is especially good for domestic flights or shorter international routes.

Get to know the budget airlines serving your hub or hubs you plan to visit. Most of these airlines don’t show up on flight search engines….WOW, Wizz, etc. Just Google <budget airlines *airport name*>.

Sign up for Scott’s Cheap Flights – Also, http://ift.tt/1w6Iebc & http://ift.tt/OmlAMB

Roll the Dice with 3rd Party Booking Sites: OTAs will bend you over without lube should a situation arise where you need to access Customer Service – but if you’re 100% sure of your dates/times and are capable of spelling your name correctly, there are plenty of scenarios where CheapoAir, Expedia or Travelocity do find goofy flight options that are significantly cheaper than booking direct. Travelers willing to endure brutal layovers to save a few hundred bucks can score killer deals. Don’t rely on OTAs but don’t totally discount them during your flight search, either.

Massage Google Flights’ prostate: Here’s a good article from the Liberal Elite on giving Google Flights the finger in a good way – Google Flights is a utensil you can’t afford to leave off your tool belt.

Ask your parents for loads of free money: YMMV with this one. I’ve never had any luck with it but I’ve seen plenty of folks doing Yoga poses on rocks who have.

Listen to the fine people at Skyscanner. They certainly know what they’re on about.

I don’t personally do it but /r/churning/ provides plenty with a MASSIVE travel boner.

Try to be as flexible as you can…search for flights using the flight calendar whenever possible. The exact same flight from the same airline can often be 1/2 the price with just a 2-3 day shift.

Accommodation

To get a nicer hotel room at a deep discount, give Hotwire Hot Rates a go. A similar system is available at http://ift.tt/1srpqEi

Search rooms on Booking.com but then contact hotels direct to see if they’ll meet/match that price. Properties lose fat commissions to booking sites and can be open to negotiating, particularly if it’s a small owner-run place.

http://ift.tt/2n3Sd6U also a pretty good resource straight-up for cheap hotel rates.

Believe it or not, a lot of people still have no clue about hostels…an important detail to note is that not all hostels are 20 to a room, loud, stinky dens of iniquity…some are (and that’s great if a good party and cheap bunk is what you’re after) but others aren’t. You can find super nice hostels that are more like boutique hotels with shared rooms than wild booze/sex dungeons for 20-somethings…and everything in between. Here are a few popular engines: http://ift.tt/zWgMXx http://ift.tt/uTW9Gd http://ift.tt/1Yn1TTZ http://hostelzoo.com/

Sign up for these Newsletters: http://ift.tt/2n3SdDW & http://ift.tt/TRr3xP

You’re probably a millennial. Act like it: https://www.airbnb.com/

Caveat…I know nothing about this particular form of freeloading: http://ift.tt/1pMh7zt

Vacation rentals can be a killer deal if you’re traveling with a group: Along the same lines, Google <vacation rentals in *town name*> to find local websites with apartment/house listings.

Transport

Rome 2 Rio is fucking amazing.

Take the subway and don’t be intimidated by the public bus system. Buses are for losers who can’t afford to buy a car…if they can figure it out…you can figure it out. Or walk, you lazy bastard.

For low-budget travelers, the old “take a night bus/train to save a night’s lodging” still works wonders…bonus points if you’re a normal sized human and can actually sleep in a chair.

Rent a bike.

Food

Follow the 6-block rule: Never eat within 6 blocks of a major tourist site.

You’ve been buying food from the supermarket your whole life. It won’t kill you to eat a peanut butter & jelly sandwich in Berlin.

Eat local: Take a chance and wander into neighborhood joints where you have no idea what’s going on. Make the “I’m hungry” hand-to-mouth gesture to the wait staff and they’ll figure out that you’d like to exchange money for food.

Along the same lines…ask locals, even the staff at your hostel/hotel, where you can find good cheap eats.

Pack Imodium and eat street food.

Go Full Cliché! Ooh—la—la, baguette and brie on the green. Voila! Déjeuner bon marché!

Activities

Research museum pricing policies and free nights: Many major museums/sites offer free entrance once a month or once a week. If you’re willing to wait in line you can schedule your visits accordingly. Feel free to use this wait time to whinge to fellow queue mates about your crippling student loans.

Most cities will have a “What’s Happening” site online or a free newspaper version around town…find free festivals, free exhibits and free whatevers.

Into art? Skip museums and browse galleries…just shave and take a shower first…don’t make it obvious that you can’t afford a goddamn thing in there.

Learn to explore aimlessly…some of the most interesting cultural differences can be found wandering the aisles of a hardware store.

Don’t be afraid to skip big name sites if they don’t interest you.

Other

Follow your favorite airlines, hotels & travel sites on social media for first crack at specials.

Research destinations with this Travel Calculator: It could be that there’s another trip just as interesting as the one you’ve got planned for half the cost.

Don’t stress balls over it…but if possible, find a bank card with zero to no international withdrawal fees. The Yankee Doodles use Charles Schwab. (I use the same bank I always have and just pay 5 bucks because I am old and lazy.) If you do simply pay the fee (like me), take out the max with every withdrawal to limit the damage.

Some people like to do backbreaking farm work in exchange for lentils and man bun tying tips: http://wwoof.net/

And here’s a pseudo-legal way to find odd jobs to offset travel costs: http://ift.tt/1H5ih7l

Slow Travel: You’ll never see it all. Don’t try to. Spend more time in fewer places and you’ll save a bundle…my recommendation is to blow all those savings at the pub.

Search Google for promotional codes…you know that little box at checkout? Promo/Coupon? You’d be amazed how often you can find a code to slap in there for an additional discount.

Don’t buy a backpack full of garbage…it’s one thing to bring home a super cool keepsake or two but 90% of the shit I used to buy in the name of souvenir! is now collecting dust on a family member’s curio shelf.

Stuff Not to Do

Don’t buy one of those stupid LIfestraws as if you’re living in a post-apocalyptic video game – just by bottled water like the rest of us…most places sell 5 liter jugs so the true penny pinchers can top up in the hostel.

I personally refuse to support Hidden Ticket Travel but here at the bozos behind the madness. Above I said, “Don’t be afraid to skip big name sites if they don’t interest you.” Don’t confuse this with “Skip sites that DO interest you over a few bucks.” Don’t be that guy who went to Rome and was edgy enough to only see the Coliseum from the outside.

Don’t be a fucking mooch. Don’t be “that guy” who fills his backpack with the free hostel breakfast, ensuring hostel goers with a hangover are left to starve because all the toast is in some hippie’s Jansport. Similarly, don’t whine and cry and bitch and moan and wail on to your new travel buds about how “poor” you are so they’ll buy you drinks or what have you…You’re not poor. Poor people don’t go on vacation. I repeat. Poor people don’t vagabond across the globe in search of Machu Picchus, foreign poontang and spiritual enlightenment. Poor people don’t own 200 Euro backpacks with Camelbak pouches.

Addendum

If you’ve got tips you’d like added to the list, just send me a PM and I’ll cut & paste them here >>>

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