#like it’s from dealing with going somewhere they’re in prayer circle and my mom is in it and I am not. why are you praying with people sayin

[whimsycore]

The older I get the more I realize my imposter syndrome comes from my bio parents forcing me to be something they’re not. They simply don’t identify as what they wanted their children to be. I realize the older I get you’re supposed to learn your culture/religion from your family. I learned from being in a mosque/the internet meeting random Muslims for the sole purpose of having Muslim friends and on a lesser level a community.

It’s taken me years to say this because I’ve had this uneasy feeling in me for awhile. It’s hard to say it because if THEY aren’t XYZ what am I?

[doctortreklock]

Anything Can Be - December 11, 2019

Part of my Resolution19. Read it on AO3.

Prompt: Anything Can Happen, Child (x)

December is a month of Remixes and Sequels!!!

Fandom: Supernatural

Title: "Listen to the Mustn'ts" by Shel Silverstein

Words: 3127

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His phone was ringing.

It was the first time it had rung since he'd left the bunker three days earlier. Cas had half-expected a few angry or drunken phone calls within a few hours of his departure.

He wasn't sure if he was pleasantly or unpleasantly surprised to find out that Dean apparently hadn't even really cared that he'd gone.

And now his phone was ringing. According to caller id, it was Dean.

He took it out of his pocket and set it on the picnic table in front of him. He watched it dance across the rough surface as it buzzed. Just before it was about to fall off the edge, it stopped and the screen went blank again.

Cas nudged it further onto the table with the side of his hand and went back to attempting to eat his hamburger without spilling sauce all over himself.

It didn't budge. Dean hadn't left a voicemail.

Again, Cas wasn't sure how he felt about that.

He balled up his garbage and threw it away, pocketing his phone as he returned to his car. He had just buckled his seatbelt, when he heard the strangest thing, like someone was tuning a radio and sliding up and down the dial. Just lots and lots of static with ever-changing frequencies.

He frowned at his dash, but the car wasn't on, so the radio was likewise silent. The static kept tuning until Cas could make out some words.

"-gel Castiel." Dean paused. "If he's listening, that is." It was a prayer. It had been so long since he had been hailed by a sibling on "angel radio," as Dean called it, that he apparently had forgotten what it was like. And now Dean was calling him.

"I'm not even sure if this is still w......ng. Or if you even want to .........ve to say. But Cas--" and Dean sounded determined now "--I'm going to keep trying." Apparently his connection was still a little spotty. Metatron hadn't done his grace any favors by surgically removing it from its angel, and even with his grace currently restored, his power was waning. Who knew how long he'd be able to receive prayers at all.

Cas ignored the pang in his chest at the thought. He'd been without reception before and he'd do it again. No matter that receiving prayers was among the lowest-powered abilities an angel had. He'd be fine.

"I'm praying to the angel Castiel, if he's st............king my calls. Cas," and Dean sounded lonely, no matter the distance, "you once said you'd always come wh..................ll. Is that still true?"

The static had been longer that time, but it didn't matter. Cas could remember the day he'd said it as if it were yesterday. Half at each other's throats, both trying so desperately to sway the other to their way of thinking. I always come when you call. He sighed, half exasperated, half fond, which really wasn't a new combination when it came to dealing with Dean Winchester.

Silence crackled across the line for a moment before Cas heard Dean echo his unheard sigh. He could almost picture the well-worn expression on Dean's face. "I'm going to keep call.........ou, Cas. So if you can hear me, I'd app......ate it if you'd let me talk to you, man.” There was a pause before Cas heard Dean whisper “Amen.”

The line abruptly cut off, and Cas was left in a ringing silence.

He carefully didn't think about the prayer, took a deep breath, and reached for his keys. Before he had a chance to turn the key in the ignition, his phone rang again, a harsh buzzing breaking the silence and the phone vibrating against his thigh.

Cas rested his hand over the phone in his pocket, trying to decide whether or not he was going to pick up. Despite his better judgement, he sighed and fished it out just before it would have gone to voicemail.

"Hello, Dean," he said shortly. The warmth that had always accompanied the words before was gone.

Dean cleared his throat. "Hey, Cas," he said.

He didn't say anything after that, and Cas waited for a long moment, his irritation growing before he growled, "What do you want?"

"I'm sorry," Dean blurted out. "Really sorry, Cas. Really, really sorry."

Cas pursed his lips and didn't say anything.

"I just--" Dean broke off. "I-- Can I see you?"

His voice was quiet and more tentative than Cas thought he had ever heard from the other man. He closed his eyes and rubbed a thumb over the bridge of his nose. He didn't want to. Dean's accusations still rang in his ears days later. But the indifference he had assumed hadn't materialized, and Dean was asking for him. I always come when you call.

He was going to regret this.

"Where?" he asked shortly.

Dean's exhale of relief was loud over the connection. "What state are you in?" he asked.

"Oregon," Cas lied.

"Okay, uh... There's a diner in Rock Springs, Lucinda's, if you wanted to meet there," Dean suggested, and it sounded more like a question than a statement.

"When?"

Cas could hear Dean thinking. It was nine and a half hours from Lebanon to Rock Springs. If Cas really was in Oregon, it would be a couple more than that for him. It was currently Sunday afternoon, so if they adhered to Dean's usual road trip schedule, he'd suggest Monday night, or maybe Tuesday morning if he was feeling generous or particularly tired. That would pose a slight problem, considering Cas's actual location, but it wasn't the first time--

"Wednesday at 11?" Dean asked tentatively.

Cas actually froze for a moment. That was...surprisingly...surprising. It meant something, he was sure. He just wasn't sure what it was.

"Okay," he agreed. And hung up.

He put the phone back in his coat pocket by sheer muscle memory. He stared out the front windshield for a moment, then shook himself and started the car. He had to get going. Even with Dean's unexpectedly generous timing, it was still seventeen hours to Rock Springs from Pontiac, Illinois.

--

When Cas pulled up to Lucinda's Family-Style Diner at quarter to 11 on Wednesday, the Impala was already parked there. When he walked in, he found Dean in a booth with a carafe of coffee, an emptied mug, and small pieces of paper from a dismantled straw wrapper strewn across the table's surface. There was a portable radio squeezed on the bench between him and the wall.

Cas didn't say anything. He sat on the other side of the booth, folded his hands on the table, and stared at Dean expectantly. He may have come when Dean called, but that didn't mean he had to like it. One of the wait staff started heading towards their table, but Dean waved them off.

Dean shifted in his seat. "Hey, Cas," he said, rolling a scrap of the straw wrapper between his fingers. "You want some coffee?" he offered, gesturing to the carafe.

"Thank you," Cas replied stiffly, turning over the clean mug on his side of the table. When he picked up the carafe, he noticed that it was much lighter than he'd been expecting, and his cup served to empty it entirely. "Been here long?" he commented.

Dean shrugged. "Not too long." He paused, fidgeting with the straw wrapper before he dropped it to the table. "Uh, here," he said, grabbing the portable radio and sliding it on to the edge of the table.

It was an older model, square and silver, with two speakers on the face and a cassette player and the radio controls in the middle. Cas looked at it for a moment, then looked at Dean expectantly.

"It's a boombox," Dean explained.

Somewhere in the mass of pop culture Metatron had dumped into his brain, Cas felt a small ping, but he couldn't quite make the reference surface. "What?"

"It's--" Dean looked uncomfortable. "It's from those movies...you know...with the--" he sighed. "They're chick flicks, man. And the guy has to win back the girl so he makes a big romantic gesture and stands outside her window with a boombox, and--" he broke off.

"And she takes him back," Cas finished, the reference finally clicking.

"Yeah," Dean agreed. "She takes him back." He glanced at the radio before his eyes flitted to Cas. "So here I am, boombox in hand."

That was not... Cas cleared his throat and gently slid his mug in a circle, watching the black coffee swirl against the sides. "This is your big romantic gesture," he clarified.

"Yes." This, at least, seemed to be something Dean was sure of.

No matter Cas's feelings on the matter, he had been sure Dean had always seen their relationship in the plainest of terms. Friend. Family. Now, with the boombox sitting unavoidably on the table, Cas abruptly realized that maybe Dean was seeing the same depth he was, like a two-dimensional image suddenly offset to reveal a third axis.

His mouth went dry. "Go on."

"Cas," Dean started firmly. Then he stopped, as if unsure where to go now that he'd gotten permission to proceed. "I want to apologize first. For everything that I said-- For everything." He looked down at the scraps of paper he was fidgeting with again, but forcibly dragged his eyes back up to meet Cas's. "I didn't mean any of it. Not Rowena, not Mom, not... Not any of it." He paused. "I wasn't in a good place. I mean, it doesn't excuse it, but-- I wasn't in a good place. Mom had just died and--"

"Dean," Cas interrupted. "If you were 'not in a good place' every time you lost a loved one, or an apocalyptic event occurred, you would never be in a 'good place.'" He didn’t use air quotes. He’d learned that much about humanity at least.

Dean paused, appearing thrown by Cas's comment. "...Good point. Thanks, Cas." He sounded careful, not annoyed, which had been Cas's expectation.

Dean cleared his throat roughly. "I was in a worse place than usual, and I took it out on you." He looked directly at Cas. "I'm sorry."

Cas took a drink of his lukewarm coffee. "Did you mean it?"

"No!" Dean said quickly. "Not at all! I mean, yeah, Cas, things go wrong, things always go wrong, but..." He took a breath and it sounded like he was quoting. "Sometimes that's your fault. But sometimes it's my fault and sometimes it's Sam's fault. It's sort of a family motto." His smile was weak and crooked.

"And Cas," he continued quickly. "It might have been me and Sam for a while there, but it hasn't been just the two of us for years now; it's been the three of us - you and me and Sam. And we're just not a family anymore without you."

"So I'm an honorary Winchester?" Cas asked ironically.

"I'm not sure it's honorary anymore," Dean said honestly. "I think you're just a Winchester now."

Stunned, Cas blinked at him for a second before dropping his gaze back to his half-empty mug of cold coffee. As declarations go, it was more than Cas had thought he'd get. Years of being not human enough and not trusted enough and simply not enough had driven it home that he would never be Winchester enough for the brothers.

And now Dean was offering him the title of "family," as if he'd never meant to deny him it in the first place. I'm dead to you rang through his head, followed by the stifling silence of Dean's reply.

"What did you come here to say?" Cas asked softly.

"Three things," Dean told him, counting off on his fingers. "First, that I'm sorry for what was said, what I said. I was angry, but I didn't mean it, any of it.

"Two. You're family. Full stop. No matter what else, you're a Winchester til the day you die." His expression was definitely lopsided and crooked now. "Please don't die."

He grabbed another scrap of wrapper and started twisting it. There weren't a lot of untouched pieces left. "If you don't want to see me, you don't have to," Dean admitted, and it sounded like he was pulling teeth. "Sammy misses you. We just want to know you're safe."

Cas took that in. He couldn't deny that he had missed Sam, and it would be a relief to always get the benefit of the doubt - assuming anything in his relationship with the brothers would actually change, no matter Dean's promises. It wouldn't alter much for the rest of the world; all the angels, demons, and other beings he ran into who knew of him knew that he was associated with the Winchesters. It would be nice, he reflected, to have some of the unwavering support that seemed to come with the title. John Winchester, after all, had not been a good father to his sons, but they would not stand to have anyone malign him in their hearing. That might be nice.

Dean hadn't said anything yet, so Cas prompted him. "Three?"

"Three," Dean breathed. He closed his eyes for a moment before opening them, squaring his shoulders, and meeting Cas's gaze head-on. "I'm in love with you, Cas," he declared.

Cas blinked at him. He hadn't expected that. "Okay," he agreed.

Dean didn't seem to have expected that response either. "Okay?" he echoed.

"Okay," Cas confirmed.

"Does that-- I mean, do you--" Dean floundered. "Can you give me more than 'okay'?" he asked. "Like...like how you feel?"

Cas certainly could. "Dean, I was lost to heaven the moment I met you, and I turned my back on everything I believed because of you," Cas informed him dryly. "Did you need anything more explicit?"

Dean gaped at him. "Well, I--"

"Because I did tell you," Cas said shortly. "Explicitly. That I loved you. When I was dying. And you didn't say anything." He paused. "So that was awkward."

"I see you've finally gotten the hang of sarcasm," Dean said, a teasing grin sliding into place. It was hollow, though, and Cas hadn't realized how much Dean had let his walls down until one was rebuilt in front of him.

"Dean," Cas said tiredly, rubbing the bridge of his nose.

The wall fell as quickly as Dean had erected it. "Look, man, I'm sorry, I am," he said, the facade he had attempted cracking easily under the weight of the conversation. "And I'm going to keep screwing up, both of us know that. I just..." He dropped his gaze to the tabletop. "I'm hoping you'd rather have me, cursed or not," he said, and the phrase sounded clumsy and unpracticed in his mouth.

Cas stared at him, wide-eyed.

Dean rubbed his hands together nervously and didn't look up. "You, uh, you gave everything for me, you rebelled and fell and-- You always came when I called, Cas. Always." Dean glanced up at Cas, and Cas wasn't sure what he saw, but Dean didn't drop his eyes again. "When I said I needed you...what I meant was that I loved you, Cas. A lot."

Yesterday, Cas hadn't believed anything would have been able to break Naomi's spell quicker than Dean's impassioned voice pleading with him to stop, spilling the phrase We're family. We need you. I need you. He had been wrong. Now, in this moment, Cas was absolutely certain that he was free of all spells and compulsions. Dean Winchester looking him square in the eye and telling him he loved him (twice!) would have broken any enchantment on him thrice over.

"When I asked you what was real, you told me that we were," Dean continued. "And Cas? That's been true the whole time. Everything. Every time you showed up for a hunt and hung around after for burgers and milkshakes. Every time I was at the end of my rope and you bailed me out. Every time you were lost and I found you." Dean swallowed and added quieter, "Every time I was lost and you found me. That was real.

"I know I haven't been the best friend," Dean admitted, closing his eyes briefly, too long to be a blink. "Or the best brother. Or the best partner. And I'm sorry. But Cas," Dean said roughly. "There has never been a day since you raised me that I haven't thought of you." And when he looked at Cas, the falling angel could see that there was absolute truth in the hunter's eyes. "I love you," he finished simply. "I miss you."

"Dean," Cas said, and this time, he couldn't help the warmth that spread through his tone. "What did you come here to ask me?" he repeated.

"Will you come home?" Dean asked, and the note of hope in his voice sounded rusty and seldom-used.

He'd know this was coming, but Cas still hadn't realized how hard it would be to deny his petition. "I don't think that's a good idea," he said gently. "Not right now."

Dean's shoulders slumped. "Right," he said. "Sure."

"I just think we should take this slow," Cas told him quickly. "We both made enough mistakes; I want to make sure we do it right this time."

Dean perked up slightly. "Slow?" he clarified. "Not not-at-all?"

"Slow," Cas confirmed with a hint of a smile.

"Well," Dean said. "I don't think we've been on a proper, official date yet." He said 'date' with wonder, as if it were something he'd never imagined being able to use in this context, but now that he could...it was like pie, precious and meant to be shared.

"I've been told they don't count unless both parties present know it's a date," Cas informed him. Claire had told him that, reducing the count of theoretical dates he might have had with Dean Winchester to zero.

"Would you like to get lunch?" Dean asked lightly. "I'm buying."

"Yes," Cas told him firmly. "I would love to go on a date with you."

Dean's smile was like sunrise.

Later, after the burgers and shared fries and milkshakes in tall glasses, after Dean tells him he needs to take care of himself and to call if he runs into trouble, after Cas tells him to say hi to Sam on his behalf, Cas will stand slightly too close and tell Dean to call him. He tells him he'll answer if he can and call back if he can't. Dean will gladly accept Cas's offer, grateful to have the proffered connection at all.

It's no "always come when you call," but it's rebuilding, and realistic, and better in every way.

[shinneth]

Well in that case, let’s have 10-15 as well! It’s hard picking stuff that’s not already been revealed, you’ve done a hell of a job building the GA universe.

Hahaha, very good point! I have exploited the hell out of them. And I anticipate future exploitation will follow! And thankfully, these questions are much, much trickier to answer. So between this and the wrestling-watching commitments, this took me more than a day to compile~! But that’s a good thing since it was ultimately thought-provoking and I may or may not have stumbled upon a concept or two to utilize somewhere down the line.

10. What two songs, two books, and two luxury items do they take to a desert island?

(my literal-minded self is assuming this is one item each; it’s also the crueler of the two interpretations, which is fitting)

At first I thought I’d have to force my mindset away from GAverse since this kind of set-up wouldn’t naturally happen unless Steven and Peridot really wanted to challenge themselves... then the movie happened and now there’s actually a very convenient way this could happen without GA Peridot trivializing this!

(of course, I’m uncultured trash, so the music and books make this the most challenging bit...) 

Peridot is bringing her goddamn tablet, of course. Even without wifi, she can at least continue logging events the old-fashioned way... and this is one damn scenario where a daily log would be useful. At least until the battery runs out on that. Though I wouldn’t put it past Peridot to find a way to create a stable power source for that sucker. Making a lifeline for her tech would be Peridot’s #1 priority that isn’t related to keeping Steven safe and sound. :P She could also manipulate the metal in it to access hard-to-reach resources, if at a limited capacity. 

I see Steven bringing an instrument, namely that damned ukulele. Simple mind, simple needs, and of course he’ll just see this scenario as an opportunity to actually teach Peridot some proper music lessons.

Music and books are where it really gets tricky. For books, Peridot’s getting something practical. So of course she’ll bring Lord of the Flies and claim that’s her guidebook to survival on a desert island. Steven is more for sentiment and bring that Sailor Moon manga we’ve seen him keep around in his room. Sailor Moon (the manga especially) is full of romance, so that suits his priorities perfectly, lol. 

Similar case can be said for music: Steven will opt for a nice, mood-setting romantic song while Peridot brings the most loudest and obnoxious music known to her. Because logically, music like that stands the greatest chance in drawing outside attention so they’ll be rescued! 

Peridot might be more lax about the ordeal if there’s steady food and water for Steven to survive off of; otherwise I see her largely panicking about being stranded in an environment where resources Steven needs to live on are finite.

(I’ll admit, I got the idea of Peridot and Steven doing a duet of this song (which I bet would sound way better with their VAs) while in this situation...)

11. What do they hide from one another?

Now it’s GA Steven’s turn to trivialize the scenario! It’s officially nigh-on impossible for Peridot to hide one goddamned thing from Steven from GA3 onward... not that Peridot was ever that good at hiding shit from Steven to begin with.

In fact, a certain Post-GA story proved the only things Peridot truly can hide from Steven are secrets even she isn’t aware of, such as how exactly she first met Jasper and Lapis. The only reason Peridot was good at keeping that hidden from Steven was due to it being so traumatic that she made herself forget it in order to live with herself and move forward. So really, memories like that are the only things GA Peridot can hide from Steven at this point. There might still be a repressed memory or two, but overall she’s nearly out of stuff she could realistically withhold. 

Outside GA, I feel like Homeworld has always been far more awful than it’s been made out to be, and Peridot would be the one who best knows just how awful life there can be. So if she’s hiding anything from Steven and has any prayer of keeping it that way long-term, it’s going to be the hell she used to have in her former life, or possibly the things she had to do to survive in said life. Of course she’ll still go out of her way to hide her insecurities and inferiority complex from Steven, but it’s practically a guarantee she won’t be able to keep that hidden for long. 

Steven... is only slightly better about this. The fact that both suck at lying and maintaining a poker face, as brought up last time, really shoots him in the foot here. So I think I can answer for GA and regular headcanon in one go with him: anything related to Pink Diamond/Rose Quartz that Peridot hasn’t already learned about is probably gonna be stuff Steven keeps to himself about. He values Peridot so much as one of the only gems that has virtually no bias one way or the other about his mom, so the last thing Steven wants to do is fill Peridot’s head with the same “propaganda”, so to speak, that he and the rest of his friends have had drilled in their own heads for most of their lives.

Additionally more for GA, I think Steven possibly has more commentary about Peridot’s past life that he hasn’t already shared with her... but he’s going out of his way not to dredge up those old times. Especially when the Homeworld refugees will already be doing that for him on a daily basis (which logically would be why Steven would still be thinking about those times at all). After all the dirty laundry Steven has aired out in Peridot’s presence, I think he’d be keen on keeping anything still unsaid about their pasts/origins/heritage to himself solely for his girlfriend’s benefit. After all, Peridot being a uniquely fucked-up gem is still a pretty new concept that she’s still trying to adjust to. So Spinel’s gonna be a fun little addition to their lives in more ways than one!

12. What first changes when it starts getting serious?

Hm, tricky to answer for GA, since it feels like they’re already at the “serious” phase of the relationship in these Post-GA stories. Realistically, though, Steven and Peridot are gonna have their hands full being the Era 3 centerpieces and have very limited time for dating or other romantic shenanigans. 

Plus, the workload stressed these two out to the point that within 3 or 4 months in, they already tried going all the way despite both of them knowing they were being morons for resorting to that this soon. And consequently, as my most recent story confirms, they fucked up not only their first time, but also their reputation among their circle of friends... which consequently gave the two even less time to be together. 

Taking that into consideration, it’s probably safe to say Steven and Peridot won’t even have the time to officially keep their relationship a steady one until Era 3 stabilizes. That said, by the following year when Steven turns 17, they should officially be in the “serious” phase considering they’ll be ready to really go all the way. And the first change made when it gets serious is either going to be a demand to the Crystal Gems to give them daily private time - or even better - Steven and Peridot get their own shared bedroom. I actually like that one more.

Otherwise, GAverse aside, I think the change that signifies Steven and Peridot getting serious... hmm. I kinda like the concept that they independently get the idea to propose taking their relationship to the next level and surprise each other when they unknowingly spring that announcement at the same time, having made each other a trinket of some kind for each other to mark the occasion. Then like dorks, they’ll announce this to the rest of the Crystal Gems and they’ll be like “uh yeah we saw this coming a mile away, dumbasses, congrats”. 

I also like the idea of Peridot being more self-conscious of her appearance when the relationship becomes more serious, which makes her a little obsessive and experimental with things like outfits, accessories... and god forbid, make-up. Of course, Steven won’t care about any of that... but that won’t make Peridot any less determined to look the part of a serious girlfriend!

13. When do they realize they should get together?

Definitely already a done deal in the GAverse as of Act III, Chapter 5. Had events played out differently, they would’ve officially been an item since the end of Act I. However, Steven coming back for Peridot even after she had given up hope of ever being rescued and being the one to fix her mind after White Diamond fucked it up royally - not to mention accepting her identity as Chartreuse, not giving a damn that she’s an abomination of scientific fuckery, or even that Peridot betrayed her friends (largely against her will, granted) - that makes for a more poignant moment when Steven tells Peridot that even after all the fuck-ups she’s made in Act III, that he still considers them boyfriend-girlfriend, and so should she.

So, thinking out of the box is trickier since we still have only a bare-bones grasp of what all’s happened in the time gap between seasons. Honestly, the most logical time for them to realize they should hook up should’ve been when Connie shunned Steven while Lapis abandoned Peridot. At the very least, any episode post-Raising the Barn should’ve been a golden opportunity for Steven and Peridot to realize how much they really love each other. 

And since the movie was annoyingly heavy-handed with the Connvese teases with virtually no Stevidot interaction while season 6 as a whole is a still giant ? ... then it’s a matter of blindly grasping at straws to think when else they should hook up. We know they’re due for a bonding moment at some point in season 6, though. Hopefully it’s not about Lapis, but if it isn’t, I suspect it might have involve fusion... and I still like the headcanon of Peridot only being able to fuse with Steven due to being an Era 2. Not just an Era 2, but a type of gem that logically should never have a reason to fuse since peridots are not meant to fight. Their limb enhancers give them a means for self-defense, but that’s it. But some exclusivity with the fusion - plus Steven being the one to reassure Peridot that she’s not inadequate as a teammate (I imagine even in 2 years, she’s likely to be the weakest Crystal Gem). 

14. When one has a cold, what does the other do?

Welp! I guess for gems I’ll have to think of some kind of equivalent (I guess chipped/cracked/destabilized/corrupted... ooooor what’s expected of Peridot to deal with once she’s got buns in her oven?), but for Steven having the cold...

Well, whether it’s GA Peridot or Not-GA Peridot, they’ll behave similarly but one will have a much wider range of capabilities than the other. Not that this really means much for GA Peri in this field, since she has no real comprehension of what a human illness is like and therefore can’t just will Steven’s illness away. In both cases, Peridot would first seek help from the likes of Pearl, Greg, or Connie. If Peridot’s left to deal with this solely on her own, however, she’ll probably give Steven a thorough interview of every single little symptom he has, then use Google-Fu to get instructions that she’ll follow to the goddamn letter.

Hopefully she doesn’t come across an instruction worded in a way that she’ll interpret it in some other way entirely because she doesn’t understand the phrasing, because that could lead to chaos easily. 

In the meantime, she’d ask Steven like every other minute if he needs something unless he’s asleep. And since Peridot has no innate understanding of this phenomenon, she’ll relentlessly study Steven’s mannerisms, symptoms, and actions until she feels she’s achieved enlightenment. That, or Steven gets annoyed and tells her to cut it out... though she may argue she’s constantly staring at Steven like a creeper for educational purposes. 

She won’t leave his side regardless, though, and since she’s not at risk of catching his cold, Peridot’s of course going to snuggle with him all the same and volunteer to be his supplementary cushioning. 

If Peridot is ailing... depending on what it is, Steven will similarly ask Pearl and probably Garnet before doing anything on his own if they’re available to him. Google’s not gonna give him the info he needs, of course, so Steven’s got a bit of a tougher job in keeping Peri healthy. Then again, Steven’s a motherfucking healing saint, so whether he’s GAverse or not, Steven could easily trivialize this since he’s basically the show’s white mage. GA Steven will have the advantage of being able to read exactly how Peridot is feeling, so he won’t need to interrogate her to figure out the source of her pain/discomfort/illness. 

Of course, neither Steven would just observe her like a weirdo (like his girlfriend would, basically); he’d be right there for hugs and cuddles and wouldn’t dare leave Peridot’s side unless he really needs to use the bathroom. But even then he’d feel so guilty leaving her alone for even a second, so he’d rush it. 

Steven might even be corny enough to try chicken soup on Peridot. And of course if there’s buns in the oven, Steven will treat Preggerdot like absolute fucking royalty.

Bonus: Accurate video representation of how Steven and Peridot will interact when she’s in labor

15. When they watch a film what do they choose and why? Who gets the final vote?

Something with good physical comedy; that way Peridot is more likely to get some entertainment out of it on a first viewing without having to ask Steven what the joke is while he explains it. 

For some reason, I was thinking Liar Liar.

Since Peridot and Steven are so painfully transparent when they try to lie, they’ll feel much better about themselves watching something like this! 

As for final vote, I think Steven would be the gentleman and let Peridot have the final vote. Peridot would likely think at least on some occasions that the final vote should go to Steven since he knows movies in general way better than she does (and therefore would have better overall judgment in what to pick), but Steven would just insist that he’s letting Peridot choose because since he trusts her instincts, she should, too. 

There’s always a coin toss if they end up in a stalemate. :P And this would apply both for regular canon and GAverse.

Much more challenging round this time! Love it! I’ll always invite more questions, though at this point I may need to find some more memes to reblog, fff... here’s the meme if anyone still wants to snag questions from it and ask me from here!

Feel free to pass this headcanon BS to your fellow Stevidot peoples! There’s no such thing as too much content for this blessed ship.

[nightmareonfilmstreet]

Mother Knows Best: The 13 Worst Mothers of Horror

The horror genre has explored a variety of themes, and often times the complexities, mothers face from conception through death. It’s an analytically heavy topic that can provoke the most fundamental of thoughts, draw out the most genius symbolism, and shape our beloved characters down to even the most minute detail.

Mothers’ Day is the one day out of the year we use as a time to celebrate the most wonderful of idols we have been given. If not for the nurturing care, strong, fertile bodies, and ongoing evolution of women all over the world humankind would cease to exist. The colorful flowers, corny cards, and midday brunches are our attempts at offering a ‘Thank You’ to the ones who raised us, biologically or not, as we’ll do this Sunday, the 13th.

With that, what the horror genre has done so obviously well is show audiences that motherhood might not be as rewarding as it’s cracked up to be. Sometimes motherhood is scary. Sometimes motherhood is not about laser-cut flower petals, warm hugs, and relaxing pedicures. Sometimes motherhood is a bitch. Horror shows us that the most horrifying realization we can come to terms with is that the ones who bring us into this world can easily take us out of it.

Below are the 13 Worst Mothers of Horror. Directly or not, these women prove that parenthood can be a real mother-you-know-what and they’re not here to deal with it.

  Margaret White in Carrie (1976)

    Our titular character, Carrie White, is a shy, quiet, high school oddball who is constantly the victim of her classmates’ taunts and pranks in the novel Carrie written by Stephen King and the film adaptation directed by Brian De Palma. Instead of finding solace when she returns home from school each day she is faced with the Christian-saturated hellfire at the hands of her crazed mother, Margaret White. A mother, especially a godly mother, should use moral and powerful guidance to build Carrie up, but instead she wields that iron fist – clutching a kitchen knife – and spirituality as a device to literally drive her only daughter straight into the ground. Whether she is locking Carrie in a prayer closet for hours or purposely keeping the truths about a normal menstrual cycle from her, Margaret White is the epitome of a hypocritical, overly religious, and everything but Christian mother. Always watch out for the extreme ‘bible thumpers’. I know what I’m talking about, I live in the south.

    Mommy in The People Under the Stairs (1991)

    One of my earliest memories of horror film imagery is straight out of Wes Craven’s campy The People Under the Stairs and it’s one of those snapshots that will never leave my mind. Alice is a young girl kept as a prisoner in her home by her hedonistic parents promptly named Daddy and Mommy. After Mommy, played by fan favorite character actress Wendy Robie, murders an intruder, Alice, clean and nicely dressed, slips and falls in an enormous puddle of his blood at the bottom of the stairs. It’s just one of those scenes that fueled my love for the genre. The contrast of the gore and the beautiful home surroundings is absolutely perfect. Mommy is equally unforgettable as both a character and a portrayal of some real parental evil that exists in the world. Alice, along with many other ‘children’, are isolated from the outside world, physically (and suggestively sexually) abused, and either neglected to the point of death or smothered, well, to the point of death. If Mommy isn’t scary enough for you, check out the documentary The Turpin 13: Family Secrets Exposed for a real, all too recent example of how a mother, and father, like this can torture their children for well over a decade without anyone knowing. The scariest part: this film was released in 1991, the Turpin children were found just this year.

    Rachel Keller in The Ring (2002)

    You know those silly ‘Keep Out of Reach of Children’ disclaimers you see on common, but obviously dangerous, household items? Someone, somewhere was stupid enough to leave a bottle of bleach out on the floor in easy access for their toddler to take that one fatal sip. Rachel Keller of Gore Verbiniski’s The Ring is that mom. After the incredibly strange death of her niece, Rachel comes into possession of a videotape haunted by the spirit of a little girl, Samara, that murders the viewer seven days after watching it. Rachel, of course, watches it and receives the foreboding call from Samara giving her the countdown. Does she destroy the tape or even make an attempt at it? No. Does she hide the tape from her young, curious son, Aiden? No. Does she at least rid the house of all VHS players and leave him to endure cable over dying a horrible death? No. What she does is casually leave the tape out allowing the precocious boy to view it alone dooming him to the same terrifying fate of all of Samara’s victims. Rachel attempts to put all the pieces together to rid her and her son of this curse, but do you think she would ask Aiden, who obviously has a sixth sense when it comes to Samara, a single question as to the girl’s vengeful motive? You guessed it. Nope. Way to go, Rachel.

  Mother in Mother’s Day (1980)

    Acts of murder, rape, and physical abuse should not be impressive to anyone, least of all your mother unless you are Ike or Addley of the cult classic, occasion-appropriate titled Mother’s Day. Mother played by Beatrice Pons, pretty much changes the entire trajectory of motherhood in this extremely campy 1980 film. She encourages her two sons to commit heinous acts against others with the same gusto and enthusiasm as a mom cheering her son on during a little league baseball game. Ike and Addley are basically human trash she has raised into adulthood and the worst part is that she is proud of her unique parenting skills and her sons. The more brutal their acts are, the higher the praise she gives them. Mother certainly has her own twisted spin on the whole positive reinforcement technique. There is absolutely nothing redeeming about this mother nor her revolting offspring. Although, I can’t help but wonder what B.F. Skinner’s thoughts would be on this type of parenting. Operant Conditioning at its best, right?

    Nola Carveth in The Brood (1979)

    One of the bitter pills we must digest as we age is that in ways obvious and subtle, we slowly become our parents. There is always a certain vicious circle that evolves when it comes to our parents, ourselves as parents, our children, them as parents, and so on that is natural and basically unstoppable. In David Cronenberg‘s body horror The Brood, Nola Carveth, played by Samantha Egger, learns just how truly vicious that circle can be. Nola is the product of an abusive mother herself and is being accused of abusing her own daughter, Candice, by her ex-husband causing her to seek therapy. The psychoplasmic methods (and possibly the unexplained discolored bumps she has growing on her arms) produce a handful of strange, dwarfish, creatures that extract revenge out on others based on Nola’s anger and psychic connection the litter has with her. Of all the mothers on the list, Nola isn’t exactly the worst as her story is really a metaphor for hereditary productivity, but we can’t let that be an excuse here. The creatures do attack Candice in the third act proving Nola has some resentment and animosity toward her daughter, proving her inner mentality as a mother is not exactly kosher. The inevitable circle spins on as we see Candice escape the attack fairly unscathed… except for some unusual discolored bumps on her arms.

    Erica Sayers in Black Swan (2010)

    If Dance Moms has taught us anything it’s that stage parents are the absolute worst. Living vicariously through your children is both selfish and utterly creepy. However, the subject of a stage parent is intriguing by an analytical standpoint and simultaneously horrifying to observe. Take Erica Sayers played by Barbara Hershey in Darren Aronofsky’s ballet horror Black Swan as an example. She is the mother to dedicated ballerina Nina, played fantastically by Natalie Portman, and she is about as manipulative and controlling as they come – if you can catch it. Mothers like Erica are masters at using words and seemingly kind gestures to guilt their children into loving them when they really should be running away from them. So much is suggested and hinted at in dialogue and setting to suggest Erica’s control over Nina and her domineering push forcing her to be obsessed with perfection, that if not payed attention to one might think Erica is caring and protective of Nina. The reality couldn’t be further from the truth. I mean, the way she rewards Nina with a cake knowing very well the girl won’t eat it and that she would shame her for it later if she did, then makes her feel guilty for not eating it, is enough to give anyone a bout of bulimia. Mothers like Erica appear perfect and act perfect, but that’s all it is: an act.

    Joan Crawford in Mommie Dearest (1981)

    Speaking of horrible mothers in the entertainment industry…

One of my favorite notions to use is that real life is scarier than any film out there. Nothing could support that more than Joan Crawford and the exploitation of the abuse she inflicted on her two adoptive children throughout their whole lives. While Mommie Dearest is not exactly a horror film, the emotional and physical torment her children suffered under her is sadly the standard by which we measure bad mothers against. Faye Dunaway played the role so well she is almost synonymous with the notorious actress, minus the child abuse, and her image still comes to most of our minds when we think about terrible mothers. The woman was basically the queen of outrageous punishment for minor indiscretions that children tend to make. The accounts from those around her, including the hired help, co-workers, lovers, and her children, Christina and Christopher, are pure parental nightmare fuel. It’s hard to believe this is not a made-up genre story, but it did happen unfortunately, exaggerated or not. I still cringe at the thought of her cutting off Christina’s hair as a distrubing penance for a simple mistake. That wasn’t even the worst of it. Hair grows back. The mental psyche takes a bit longer to heal.  No wire hangers, kids.

    Marge Thompson in A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)

    The mother of one of horror’s favorite final girls, Nancy Thompson, can be considered both a good mom and a bad mom depending on which one of her actions you’re observing. Marge, played by Ronee Blakely in Wes Craven’s A Nightmare on Elm Street, is part of the original cul-de-sac lynch mob of Elm Street that burn Fred Krueger alive after learning he is behind the series of child murders in town. While we understand the parents’ revenge on Krueger and would gladly light the wick on the molotov cocktail thrown into his warehouse, the nightmarish ongoing result of Krueger returning to murder the kids of Elm Street in their dreams for a number of films is more than likely not what the parents expected the outcome to be. Marge goes on to be a full blown alcoholic and mostly absent minded mother to Nancy. She continuously takes the easy way out by either ignoring the fact that this monster is hunting her daughter and her friends or she drinks reality away being of no help nor support. Our final girl has to maintain her gumption and find her own courage and strength from within to escape the razor-bladed grasp of Krueger all on her own while Marge remains in a pathetic liquor infused stupor. It’s almost a relief when she is pulled through that tiny front door window at the end of the film. Thanks for nothing, Marge! Saddle up for the long haul or leave it to the judicial system.

  Beverly Sutphin in Serial Mom (1994)

    Being a perfect homemaker in the suburbs can be absolute murder and that is exactly what Beverly Sutphin, played by Kathleen Turner, is driven to when those around her get in her way in the dark comedy Serial Mom. Though her bloodlust is born from good intentions (an instructor makes a rude comment about her son), Beverly goes on a spree murdering anyone one she deems as a threat or just a nuisance to her or her family. For the most part, I get it. I actually debated on including her in this list at all. Ultimately, I decided that while annoying, none of Beverly’s victims really deserved to die and her own family remarks, in the humorous way the film is crafted in, to remind themselves not to piss her off for fear of her going on a murderous rampage again. What good is a mother if everyone around her is afraid she’ll put an axe in their head? Beverly best take a chill pill, wash it down with a tumbler full of white wine, and come to terms with the fact that most of us have to deal with on a daily basis: you can’t go around murdering everyone that annoys you whenever you feel like it. That’s what Purge night is for.

    Norma Bates in Psycho (1960)

    Most times no matter how irritating or intrusive our mothers can be, deep down inside we love having them around us. Always. However, should you want your mother to stay with you as long as Norman Bates does you may want to seek some help. The famous slasher’s mother, Norma Bates, is a special case on this list as she never makes an actual living appearance in Alfred Hitchcock’s Psycho. Her voice and actions are all manifested from her son Norman himself who, it is suggested and pretty obvious, is severely dependent on her in all aspects of life whether she is alive or deceased. Norma’s emotional antagonism and violence towards him and the women he encounters paints us a picture of how bad the woman must have been when she was alive, though that is always up for debate. Was she as awful as the voice coming from Norman is or is it something he’s made up himself? Regardless, the psychological haunting linger of Norma is enough to drive Norman into the most serious identity crisis resulting in murder and Norma completely taking over him, mind and body. Life lesson: Stay away from the mama’s boys. Believe me when I tell you: this specific relationship portrayal isn’t too far off from what those guys are truly like.

    MU-TH-UR 6000 in Alien (1979)

    Many would think the Alien Queen would be on this list, but I can hardly count her as a bad mom. If anything, the Queen is a great mom who uses all of her genetic instincts to grow and protect her young when a handful of human incubators make themselves available to her throughout the series. Natural selection is also a bitch.

The real bad mom here is the space ship Nostromo’s mainframe system MU-TH-UR 6000, referred to as ‘Mother‘. The crew relies on MU-TH-UR for information, protection, and most importantly, survival. It is one of many analytical elements in the Alien series that relates back to the theme of motherhood. However, while the crew sleeps and operates under the trusting care of MU-TH-UR, the system is monitoring them to relay details on their activity back to Weyland-Utani and is in cahoots with the highly untrustworthy AI, Ash, on carrying out Special Order 937: collect an alien xenomorph specimen and deliver it back to earth with the crew members being completely dispensable. It’s an unfortunate lesson the crew members learn, but don’t trust technology no matter how long it lets you sleep in its womb.

    Mother in Mother! (2017)

    If there is ever a film so overtly saturated in motherly symbolism, it’s Darren Aronofsky’s Mother! Jennifer Lawrence’s mother character is pure, wholesome, and nurturing. She is all of the things a mother, including that of ‘mother nature’ and ‘woman’ should be. However, when random intrusive guests begin showing up and inviting themselves in to wreak havoc on the beautiful home mother is creating for her narcissistic poet husband Him, and their unborn baby, mother remains so passive to the point that a full on world of war explodes tearing down the establishment from the inside out. She only puts her foot down and embraces her protective instincts when it is far too late for everyone. The fate of her baby is gruesomely tragic and results in mother literally destroying herself and her surroundings only to be born again anew in the name of love for Him. Like any strong mother archetype would destroy themselves for the weak man that betrayed her and caused the death of her firstborn? I think not. This is a pretty sad portrayal of actions not taken by a mother, a wife, and a woman. mother really should have destroyed Him. However, given the subtext of who and what these characters personify, we should be grateful that mother doesn’t really hold a grudge nor seek apocalyptic vengeance… yet.

    Rosemary in Rosemary’s Baby (1968)

    Similarly to mother, Rosemary Woodhouse of Roman Polanksi’s Rosemary’s Baby, adaptation of the novel written by Ira Levin, is another character you just want to grab by the shoulders and violently shake into sense. As beautiful, sweet, and delicate as Mia Farrow is in the iconic role of Rosemary, she is painfully dependent, weak, and totally naive. She is blindly trusting of her pushy neighbors and self absorbed actor husband, Guy (eye roll) all of which have made some deal with the devil and are part of the geriatric cult that worships him. Pregnant with her first child, unknowingly the antichrist, Rosemary falls ill many times, complains about threatening symptoms in her breathy voice, and takes advice from everyone but a trustworthy doctor who isn’t connected to the cult’s inner circle. Of course she isn’t aware of her husband’s involvement and the promises made to the underworld at her expense until it’s a trimester too late, but all of the suspicions and signs are there as plain as day for her to see. Thank goodness mothers and wives, women in general, have come a long way since the 60’s.

  So, kiss your mothers this Sunday and appreciate them for the wonderful women that they are, unless they are anything like the characters in this list because, well, they are the worst. If your mothers are anything like this lot, you might want to start running…

    The post Mother Knows Best: The 13 Worst Mothers of Horror appeared first on Nightmare on Film Street - Horror Movie Podcast, News and Reviews.

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[fathersonholygore]

Cinemax’s Outcast Season 2, Episode 4: “The One I’d Be Waiting For” Directed by Alrick Riley Written by Rebecca Sonnenshine

* For a recap & review of the previous episode, “Not My Job to Judge” – click here * For a recap & review of the next episode, “The Common Good” – click here Patricia (Melinda McGraw) still lives life expecting her boy to come home. She wonders where he is, laying a sandwich and cheesies out on the table in case he comes home. She reads the Holy Bible before bed. She doesn’t know the truth, about Reverend Anderson (Philip Glenister), not about Sidney (Brent Spiner). Then Aaron shows up in the shadows. All burned up. Pissed off. I’m concerned now for his mother. The closer he remains, the closer she is to the devil himself. Kyle (Patrick) and Anderson are talking with Junkyard Bob about Kyle’s father. He was a man wrapped in mystery, it seems. At the same time Aaron calls the Rev with ominous warnings. When he rushes to her place he and Kyle find Patricia bled out on the carpet viciously. On the wall in blood is a pentagram. She dies before Kyle can finish calling 911. Megan (Wrenn Schmidt) and her daughter Holly (Callie Brook McClincy) sit in a restaurant eating. Mother not sure of what she’ll do next. When she sees the young man bussing her table she remembers a quick piece of her possession, meeting him in her early demonic trance. Now that’s eerie. Megan and Holly head back to their motel room, throw on some television. Things are okay… for the time being. Things for Anderson ain’t ever getting easy. He’s got Kyle, even Chief Giles (Reg E. Cathey). But he’s falling further into a hole, farther away from his faith. If he isn’t careful he might fall and never be able to get up. Instead of sitting on the sidelines, he takes Kyle in the car and calls Aaron to tell him they’ll be waiting at the church. Officer Nunez (Briana Venskus) goes to see Sidney about what Aaron’s done to his mother. She also found Evelyn Bailey (Claire Bronson), who escaped the junkyard cage she was put in. She likewise tells him that Kyle let her go, which interests Sidney a great deal. They’ve got lots of work to do, too. Big, big plans afoot. At the church, Rev says the man he was is “useless” to him, to anybody. Kyle says they’ll lose themselves if they go too far, then what’s the point of it all? None. He wants to be a husband, a father. He wants a life. Then, they’re trapped as a molotov cocktail flies in the window lighting the place ablaze. Luckily they get out alive. Kyle: “No matter what this fight looks like in the end, I won‘t let my family hate me for it.” Megan wakes in the motel: Holly’s not there. She is down a nearby hallway getting change from some stranger. Turns out the girl told him mom’s a murderer. Now that could be trouble. All the same, how long can Megan run from what she did to her husband? Yes, it was under possession. But still, to have it all go down like it has, his death the way it looks to others. A sad story. Awhile later she and Holly end up at grandma’s house. Meanwhile, Giles isn’t happy about the lack of trust between him and the Rev. He doesn’t want to lose him as a friend, and wouldn’t like to see him end up dead, or worse. Kyle is the only cool head to prevail. He knows they’re all in it together. If not, it doesn’t work. The Mayor of Rome (Toby Huss) receives a little visit from Sidney after hours. They’re in league together after all. He’s supposed to be helping those demons, as part of the deal with the devil the previous mayor made. Looks like Giles is next on Sid’s chopping block. Sidney: “I guess you‘ll have to decide how much more blood on your hands you can live with” And what about ole Junkyard Bob? He knows the history of the place, probably more than that foolish mayor. Still, like Kyle he doesn’t know much more about the demons than what he’s seen. He also realises what he and Kyle’s father were doing did nothing whatsoever. All it did was lose him his life, essentially. He talks about a place Mr. Barnes owned over on Shadow Lane, too. Maybe this will unlock further clues, toward understanding himself, his family, the demonic predicament of Rome, West Virginia.

Jeanne (Kathleen York), Megan’s mother, gets her daughter and granddaughter ready for a night’s stay. They have troubled history, seeing as how Megan feels her parents loved their fosters more than their real children. Those are the least of her worries right now, though. Family trouble means shit when you’re up against the devil’s army, and one of those soldiers is right up in her head probably still kicking around somewhere. After a call from Aaron on his mother’s phone, the Rev takes off from the station. Another dumb move. I can understand why, he loved Patricia. And the fact he went through so much guilt feeling he killed the kid, only to have the kid return and stab his mother, leaving her dying in her own blood. It’s rough to be Anderson at the moment. Over at Shadow Lane, Kyle gets into the trailer his father kept. A whole ton of research lining the walls, in boxes. Books, papers, maps with INCIDENTS OF VIOLENT OUTBREAKS circle and lined off everywhere. He also finds a purse with an ID inside for one Helen Devere; the woman in the ground. He finds a door in back where there’s a chair, restraints on its arms, tarps surrounding the room and blood streaked on them. And Anderson, he finally faces down Aaron as they meet where Sidney’s old lurking ground was burned to rubble. The Rev tries to pull the boy out of a “river of shit” by using faith rather than more violence. Only the young man has a different idea, pulling a gun. He promises something big and bad is coming. He also instructs Anderson to pour gasoline all over himself.

Before the Rev gets lit on fire Kyle makes it there in time, and Aaron takes off into the woods. He takes a tumble, but he’s far from them. He’s back in the devilishly loving grave of Sidney. To do more terrible things in the dark of night. Downstairs at Jeanne’s place Megan says goodnight to her daughter. They have a little better of a conversation than they did before. Megan promises Holly that she is the most important thing in her life; Holly now believes in the power of prayer to keep “the monster” away. Over at Patricia’s house, Anderson goes on, forging forward through the darkness. He starts by cleaning the bloody pentagram from the wall. What a great chapter. Man, this series is fascinating! Every episode is another surprise, a a genuine great progression of writing and character together. Dig it. Next is “The Common Good” and I’m itching to see more of M.C. Gainey’s Junkyard Bob. I want to know more of the past, in Rome, of Bob’s relationship with Kyle’s father, and more on the father in general. Excited! Outcast – Season 2, Episode 4: “The One I’d Be Waiting For” Cinemax's Outcast Season 2, Episode 4: "The One I'd Be Waiting For" Directed by Alrick Riley…