#like it gives the connotation of ‘being put under’ and it’s a shame idk how to get that across without losing ichiro’s voice

[akkivee]

‘welcome to the unawakening dream. this is paradise, so we don’t need reality anymore.’

[alazyparallelworld]

sending an ask to engage with what you were saying was a random impulse but im happy to see you respond and give it thought, definitely wouldnt mind sending more since this is an interesting topic :3 glad you dont mind... it can be weird being a detached observer of somebody elses life specifically if they are uncomfortable with the idea of it. i think the reason i jump to using the word "oversharing" is that talking a lot generally has a negative connotation for me because i have negative experiences with talking a lot and being ignored. i guess one of my main insecurities? so maybe i dont have the same type of accidental charisma because im too obviously desperate/curating myself too much, idk. marketing myself as a persona isnt necessarily a good goal to have so maybe sharing myself in more private spaces is for the best (not like i dont compulsively share to anyone who will listen anyway)

also being the way that i am i dont appreciate the observers/audience i DO have enough because im constantly looking for evidence of it. kind of a never enough situation. i definitely think i just have to let it go & if it happens it happens. actually, i do have a decent chance of gaining a following over my art, and when i got more interactions i swear it was when i drew more, so i guess that is part of whats happening with you. art drawing people into somebodys persona or something? i wonder if part of it is just like, when scrolling the dash peoples attention is caught more by images so it makes somebody more likely to get invested. but i think your art has a lot of personality and its what personally made me interested in following your blog so i guess the art is just like, one piece of the whole of a "persona"

diving into the pure psychological sense… going to put the entirety under a read more.

leans back, in the "contemplating therapist" pose and aura. This is a distinct position for anyone familiar.

forgive - me - in the event of bad perspective. entirely: i am not a medical professional, and if these woes are Distorting your life into an unhappiness (ability to function, socialize, that ilk) on a regular basis, either from the 'expected' of bi-weekly to the 'constant' of daily - internet guidance should be an appetizer, at best…!! while a peer's view is quite different from a, "Went to college for half-decade for this particularity" employee, they are both helpful -

but I don't mean. "Go to a therapist," because: i minimized my daily-distortion of BPD (fond Bitch Personality Disorder) thru worksheets, pamphlets, scientific texts. this conversation between us is 'improper' text, ""Uneducated"" but it is not without merit. I just don't want the existence of only two options - "[symptom of mental disorder] reddit" or "therapist that specializes in [mental disorder]" in an analogy. There are a plethora of ways to better yourself - "so maybe sharing myself in more private spaces is for the best" cannot be the single possibility. i believe in you - broaden yourself, and do not hastily imprison yourself to Any distraught for the easy answer, "better in the long run"

what you desire is evident. That is a crucial first step, and your life is measured in the thousands of footprints. Time is here for you - there is no real clock, rather, you know where your satisfaction is in space. Be proud of self-awareness, of identifying desire, these are inch forwards.

now, your path forks - "can i transfigure that want, into something 'healthier," "is there a healthier route to that want," and how exciting is that…! how to min-max pain and pleasure, that is the basis of all species. and if the decision solidifies further into, "i have to go home, i have to let this all go," that is the first option. there is no shame in release.

that is my thought on. "insecurity," and i hope - even if very inaccurate, maybe Inappropriate, your reaction of 'that's wrong!' strengthens what you know to be true.

[head on desk] That's a heaviness…! not on you. This could've been a very simple answer. I'm strange and chattery, for I don't talk IRL and only online. At least, in length…

ART…! art is eye-catching. It is intrinsic. Of course, my artwork pulls people in (but I captured attention b4 I started, as I only began in winter 2020, blah) for any colorful stimuli it kickstarts the brain. Nervous symptom responses.

(i don't think it provokes the sympathetic nervous system SPECIFICALLY, but i'm not abt to rabbit-hole myself into certainty. sensory is prolly also incorrect, just in a 'less wrong' kind. i'm singling out nervous specifically, as the 'colorful'ness of art prolly agitates the body first into, 'is this a toxic plant' survivalism and NOT the visual aesthetics of being 'pleasing to the brain,' i think that's a secondry concern, aaaand i'm rambling abt special interest SORRY)

word-of-mouth, 'reblogs,' or searches is how people notice the un-art. Fanfic writers. Clever meta. Observations. Diary-ing. to 'appeal,' you have to either - as mentioned previously - change yourself, or redirect your goal - but for less extensive… Journaling via pen-and-paper, or a notes app, is easy in THEORY but difficult in PRACTICE. these don't fulfill the, 'exchange,' because journals and notes are private. However. These are good practices. Writing onto yourself sharpens the ability to communicate, your dialect - there's a difference of 'early' ramblings here to current ones. (admittedly, a, 'there's been developments in psychosis,' is a portion rather than True improvement, but it's not a singularity)

review sites i.e letterboxd and backloggd serve similarity, but are dedicated to movies/video games respectively. And, they center around either criticism, or humor - which isn't what you want… you want your natural self to be attractive. I do think you could find enjoyment outside, and it can be good fun or a learning exercise finding out that You Hate Writing Meta.