#like isabella isnt doing it bc shes evil shes doing it because she never had a choice

[humblefryingpan]

Isabella humming the lullaby to Conny on the way to the gate means so much to me lol.

She was doing everything she could to calm down that kid, Conny wasn't even particularly upset in this scene.

(s1 spoilers)

Lullabies are for calming people, for putting people to sleep. They're meant to be comforting. Isabella never sang it to 'her' kids though (we know that because when she heard Ray hum it she was really worried about how he knew it). So for all the times she would have comforted them throughout their lives, she never felt the need to sing it.

She's out there doing everything she can think of to make sure her kid isn't scared. And Conny isn't. She's not upset, and she has no idea what's happening. But Isabella does, and there's nothing she can do to stop it.

She feels so awful about what she needs to do, but she can't stop it. So the only thing she can do is comfort her and hope Conny was happy until the very last minute. She even said in a later episode (forgot which) that she wanted all the kids to have the most amazing childhood they can, because she knew they wouldn't live past it.

She knows it was either them or her. And she knows that if she does sacrifice herself, they'll still die. They'll get a new caregiver and she doesn't know how they'll be treated - if she raises the best kids I'm willing to bet it's because she actually cares about the kid's well-being. She raises the happiest kids.

And another important thing - it isn't Isabella's lullaby, it's Leslie's. Leslie who made Isabella's childhood better, Leslie who's memory kept Isabella alive throughout the horrors™.

Isabella remembered their song and used the memory of her friend to cheer herself up, now she's hoping it'll cheer up her kids too. She wants to keep Leslie remembered even if it's just with a song in their dying moments.

She wanted to keep her kids happy, she wanted to keep herself calm and she wanted to keep Leslie's memory alive. She wanted Leslie's memory to live in the same way she wished Leslie themself, and all the kids to live but she never had a choice.

Btw I wasn't finished with this but pressed post by accident. Since I can't finish it right now and I don't want to delete it, I'm just going to leave it like this forever. Hope it made sense but either way, enjoy!