meat-san

[meat-san]

2023 Review

櫂くん5歳、大人になった。曜くん３歳、可愛さで押し込んでくる。輪くん、生まれてよく笑う。子供が３人になって、家族の温かさを感じる日も増えつつ、実務的に苦しい毎日は増えた。忙しさ故か、育休になったから、いっそう慣れたのか、妻にイラ立つことも少なくなった。一方で家族それぞれとゆっくり付き合う時間が減ってしまった。

タスクだしとスケジューリング、ブロッキングを、そしてルーティン化をもっと考えよう。

TMOで念願の事業立ち上げ・獲得ができたのは大きな進歩。駐車場の指���管理、構文堂の古民家活用、ともに来年度に��場が出てくる。いっそうのレベルアップができるような気がする。こうした経験を少しずつ個人のスモールビジネスに落としていきたいところ。一方で、サラリーマン的な雇われ仕事のスキル低下を感じる。CGFでビル管理や建築のスキルを仕事として向上させていけるようにしよう。併せて部下マネジメントも意識してチャレンジしよう。

自分の意見や考えを積極的に話すように意識づけはできてきたものの、考え不足が目立った。大きく自己反省。ちゃんと考える習慣化が必要だなと思う。

夏ころから高熱が１週間近く続く現象が毎月のように発症してしまった。日々の忙しさもあるのかもしれないが、時間不足のための運動不足が主な原因な気がする。もうそういう年齢なのだなと実感、運動とまでいかないまでもちゃんと動くようにしよう。と同時に食べ物も意識した方がよいのだろうなと妻からのアドバイスも相まって強く思った。

睡眠時間はよく確保できていてよい。夜の用事はできる限り少なくすべきだな。朝早く起きて自分の時間を確保したいものの、毎日だと寝不足になるな・・・

Target Review

1. 事業をつくる、売上をあげる

事業獲得・立ち上げまでいった。相手が少ない事業の方が、個人としてはやりやすいのかもなと感じた。また個人事業に落とし込んでいくことをもう少し意識していきたい。

2. 自分に投資する

絵日記を３か月、チラシデザインを数回、pptのデザイン意識、などできた。もののだんだんと学ぶ姿勢が弱くなっていく。輪くん大きくなるにつれて、徐々に自分の時間は取れなくなってしまった。もっとお金・時間ともかけていきたい。

3. 家族と穏やかな時間を持つ

妻へ謝り続き、子供に怒り散らすことが多かった。一方で、家族や子供の存在を本当にうれしく温かく思うタイミングも多くなった。自分と家族のバランスをもう少し自分のプライベートよりにするとよかったかも。妻の脱サラ宣言を一緒に達成できるように頑張ろう！妻のDJにみんなで行くのはすごく楽しい時間。

4. 自立マインド

以前の職場思うと弱くなったものの、期中の赤間さんのコメントから後期持ち直し。個人としては持てていたものの、他者評価の意識やチーム鼓舞、家族関係の意識などは不足していた。もっと自分が変えられる領域はたくさんある。

[meat-san]

35th Happy Birthday to me.

有給をとった誕生日。ポスター作製＊２の作業Day。PMは、幡豆に行ってゆっくりしようかなーと思っていたのに、作業に片が付いたのは16:30。普段、職場で3hrの「まとまった集中作業時間」を確保するのがいかに難しいかに、今日の作業時間から気づく。本当は、土日や正月に終わらせたかったのだけれど、子供の世話をしていると、仕事と同様にまとまった集中時間をとることはできなくて。

いかに目の前の些末なto-doに追われているかを実感する１日だった。せめてものお祝いに帰りにビール@PRONTO。もっと自分のための１日をつくろう！

[meat-san]

Review 2022 櫂くん３歳から４歳に。すごく大人になった。いろいろと葛藤したりするようになって、甘えつつも、周りの子にも配慮できるようになってきた。３歳になって自分の身の回りのことがだいぶできるようになったなと感じたけれど、４歳は自分以外のことも気にできるようになるんだな、と。曜くん１歳から2歳に。お話を理解して、なんとなく話すようになった。このころはめちゃかわいいなと改めて感じる。４月から杏ちゃん復帰して、２人とも保育園に行くようになって、日々の時間も土日の時間もいっそうなくなって毎日をこなすだけのような感じになってしまった。夏に妊娠発覚し、３人目の男の子が決定。ちゃんと毎日仕事して、保育して暮らしていけるか不安を感じる。でもみんなから育てられない家庭には生まれてこないから、にぎやかな方がいいから、と励ましを受ける。 TMOへの異動は大きな転換点。これまで与えられたプロジェクトをいか���終わらせるかという力を重要視していたものの、毎日のルーティンをいかに早く確実にさばくか、どうすれば意義ある売り上げを立てられるか、どんな町が理想でそのために何がどうすればよいかと考え続ける日々だった。また曲がりなりにも部下を持つ経験ができたことも大きな一歩。

Target Review

1. 毎日自分の時間をもつ。Learning Zoneを意識して。

ほぼ自分の時間は持てなかった。特に4月以降。余計にLearning Zoneの意識はできず。一方で、TMOへ異動したことで無理やり新しい経験やを積んだり、考えの整理をしたりする必要が生じたのは大きな進歩で、良い異動だったのかなと思う。

2. 2weeks, 3month 単位で物事をみる、予定をBookする。

今週のことしか考えられなかった。

3. 意見をもって表明する。自分の正しさを証明するのではなく。

１年かけて大分、姿勢変更できた。癖として積極的に自分の意見を述べられるようになってきたし、自分の意見形成にも努められるようになってきた。一方で、他の人の意見に反論をしたり、自分ばかり話したりといった機会が増えてきている。譲れないところとそれ以外を意識して、意見を述べるところは分野集中した方がいいだろうなと感じている。

4. 会社経営・マネージメントを学ぶ。売上を作れるようになる。

異動前と今で大分意識が変わった。これまでなかったものとか、どうしたら価値になるかとかをより意識するようになった。また何かをお願いしたり、お願いして動いてもらったり、モティベーションを持ってもらったり、というところの難しさを感じつつ試行錯誤。売上作れるところまで至っていないので、そこを仕事レベルでも日常レベルでも作れるような取り組みを2023はしたい。

5. 子供のなぜに答える。ぼーっとする。

ぼーっとした時間は、たまに取れた。子供のなぜも一緒に調べるように意識した。ただ本気で怒ってしまうことも結構多くて毎回反省している。怒るとお互い動きが悪くなるので、改善の手段をみつけたい。

6. 笑顔・清らかさ・ほがらかさ

疲れてますね、と言われる機会が増えた。多分、仕事というより日々の生活に余裕がないことが顔に出ているんだなと思う。姿勢から意識や感情も作られる部分も大きいので、少なくとも笑顔ではいたいし、そのきっかけを見つけたい。

<知識> ・まったく伸びなかった１年だった。

<健康> ・ただただ衰える日々。70km, 10kmのレースは走れた。大会があれば多少やるけれども、日々はつらくなっていく。

<心> ・何がよいか、自分の意見を考えるようになった。 ・家庭、仕事、社会・・・複数のto doが重なると強いストレスを感じる性分だな。

<家庭> ・文字通りずっと子供と一緒にいた１年だった。子供や妻に怒りの��情を持つことが時々あるので、なくしたい。

<社会・仕事> ・考え方を、現職（目標とする将来像に近い）に合わせて修正できた。一方で、行動や結果など目に見える形で実現することまで至れていない。

[meat-san]

Review 2021

1. 日記Review

・子供の成長を実感する１年だった。そのため少し自分の時間ももてるようになってきた。例えば、映画見に行ったり、１人で外出したり、預けて仕事行ったりできるようになった。年の後半は早寝早起きも少し習慣化してきたのか朝1時間くらい時間をとれる日が増えたのもそう感じる１要因かもしれない。

・happy wife, happy life。育休により妻に時間的余裕があるためか、争う日が減ったことは大きな心理的なリラックスにつながった。つい謝罪してしまうので、感謝の言葉置き換えつつ、妻ともっと積極的に話すように使用。また妻との共通認識を数字的にもてると楽なのではと仮説がたった。

・日常的には、相変わらず目の前の仕事、育児、ひとときの楽しみに忙殺された。目の前にとらわれすぎないでslackを保つこと、そのために取捨選択して責任を持つことを意識しよう。スケジュールリングがtodo・週ベースなのもよくないのかもしれない。人の能力・体・まちは、気づかないうちに徐々に悪化していくもの。マイルストーンを月・3か月で考えるようにした方がよいのかもしれない。新しい変化を欲して、常に新しい環境を身を置こうという姿勢を保つこと。また振り返りの時間は必ずあらかじめセッティングするようにしたい。

・再開発６年、サーラ５年、職場環境に慣れが生じすぎている。会議への参加やPJへの貢献が適当・適度になっている。 もっと自己主張・意見をすること（自分はどうしたいのか？を持つ、決められる奴が偉い）、適当な会議や依頼には答えないようにする。成果・期限・条件獲得に厳しい感覚を取り戻さなければいけないと感じる。そのためにそのときの心構えとして、自分の正しさを証明するのではなく、相手の反応を見ながら話すこと。変えられない条件にこだわらず、真剣に議論して最もよい方策を一緒に考える、時間をかけて納得点を見出すことに意識を向けたい。

・気持ちよく前向きに笑顔、はつらつさを日々持ちたい。美しい景色にひたりパワーを蓄える。清らかさ・公正さを大切にしたい。

2. 分野別Reivew

<知識> ・道路に詳しくなった。電気・エネルギー・PCなどはもっと勉強したい。

<健康> ・ただただ衰える日々。1人の時間のいくばくかは運動に充てよう。朝やるか、夜やるか、休みにやるか。。。

<心> ・個別具体的には自分の考えをもてるものの、抽象度が少しでも上がると面倒になって意見形成や議論を避けていた。また環境の変化もなく、爆発的な成長の実感はなかった。

<家庭> ・一緒に過ごす時間は大切にできたことが多かった。また自分の時間も少しずつ持てるようになってきた。妻とフラットに話すことをもっと意識したい。

<紗騎亜・仕事> ・目の前のことばかりに終始した。自分が大切だと思うこと、Lerning zoneのこと、将来の収入をつくることにもっと時間を割くべき。

[meat-san]

Targets 2019

Rooted into 3 themes in 30s (1. Independent, 2. share my thoughts & drive other, 3. healthy & beautiful), I set the targets of 2019.

<1. earn money but salary> I think I am being in the right stream so get agreements and found TMC company is a big step for me next year to experience the business. In this process I necessarily experience to earn money besides salary as well.

・I prepare a proposal at every meeting and realize it as many as possible.

I am also interested in the academic field. Teaching forces me to research various practices over the world and to put what I am doing into context, which helps organize my opinion, my position. 

・I ask the professors to invite and give me a chance to do so.  ・I would set the meetings with who can share the interests to have chances for presentation.

<2. Fact-based approach> I think I am getting to less rational these days because many managers do not like data-based approach so I must pay more and more attention to use data or to have more data which include learn a thing to do.

・I would create the format with conclusion/opinion, reason, data. ・I would go to the school.

<3.  Exercise everyday> I think I cannot get back before-marriage-life without painful effort. I must spare time especially in the morning and use it for running.

・I would wake up 5:30 and run every each day. 

<4. Talk to Ann, Kai> I think I should show I appreciate them. 

・I would say thank you, love you every day.

[meat-san]

Review 2018

~Summary~ I was thrown into turmoil in the first year in 30s. February it’s turned out that Ann was pregnant and August Ann gave a birth, Kaj, then everything has been changed.

Until reviewing this tumblr blog, I completely forgot that I set themes and targets last year. (1)The 3 themes seem still relevant for me. 1. Independent, 2. share my thoughts & drive other, 3. healthy & beautiful. (2)The 3 targets are not achieved but I want to focus on these next year as well. Targets seemed a little too vague or high so I would slightly revise them.

I need to put a target regarding my family next year. I spent a lot time and mind for my family and they did for me, too. This is good circulation and I hope we could keep this next year especially after she gets back to work. 

~Review this year from 3 targets~ <1. earn money but salary> I could not earn money regularly but I got a chance to have one class in Aichi-Uni which rewarded 10,000 jpy, I succeeded founding TMC. I am interested in both field and stepped forward but not enough. I need to focus on business aspect more next year.

<2. publish blog regularly in a way understood> I could not publish any except TMC posts. I think this is because of the lack of input. I need more researches on what I want to make a living.

<3.  Run, cook, deepen the knowledge> Worse than the last year. I need to create time not interrupted by anyone.

[meat-san]

2018.08.31 Being Father_2

On August 30th, we were all unusual. Ann felt a pain, which she thinks different from usual. I could not help but sleep in the early night. Ann’s mother mailed her that she wondered taking a day-off on the next day and stayed awake in the midnight. 

It came around 2 o’clock in the night. Ann woke up her mother then me and called the hospital that the pain became regularly. It seemed a little too early to go to the hospital reading what hospital’s stuff’s answered but we anyway decided to go and hoped to be admitted entering hospital. She reserved a planned-birth but if it can be operated only on week-day. 

A doctor is to appear in the morning at 7 so we were just waiting for him arriving with putting up with the growing pain. Shorter and shorter the interval got, stronger and stronger the pain got. It seems like ultra-marathon but maybe much harder, I guess. What I could do is to turn on a fan and keep it in the good angle and talk and ease her by making laugh. 

At 7 o’clock the doctor arrived and decided the planned-birth operation starts. He put her anesthetic. The pain went away and she looked really relieved. He increased the amount of labor induction and anesthetic gradually in parallel then happen a water-brakes artificially. 

I don’t remember how long passed then. Probably between 11 and 12 we were told to get into the delivery room. The delivery chair looked gross she was put on maybe because it looked too mechanical. Anyway the delivery was done while she bore down a couple of times. The doctor and nurses cut something or tried pulling babies or so but luckily I could not recognize any specific sound or movement. It may took an hour but I felt just 10 or 20 minutes till the end. At this moment I am really thankful Ann for choosing the planned-birth. There is a big difference of the damage to mother’s body from normal-birth, which can also affect father’s trauma f birth. Of course she is exhausted from the long process but at least she could chat with me until the delivery step.

Finally finished giving a birth. We could saw the baby wrapped with something and blood. We both cried silently. I do not know how her feeling, however, I felt mystery of the birth and Ann’s effort not much happiness at that time. Immediately he was toweled and shown me and Ann, then carried to the measurement room with me. I was forced to be apart with Ann and I was so worried because I saw a drama that a mother died just after birth. At that time she got the after-care like sewing, pulling out a placenta. After measuring weight, height, trunk or so, I was alone with the baby. He was really adorable and innocent, weak. I had just been his father but I wonder what I can do to him or his mother. After a long period, we were allowed to be back the delivery room and got together we, family, 3 people. I still could not understand but I was sure things were changing. Everything was smooth and I and her mother went back to home in the night. 

Next morning I ran as usual. I could run only 5 km. My body got so weak but it was ok for me. I chose to be like this by myself to have been married and to have children. No I am in the process of changing my life that not only me but we, three, are the main actors of it. Me, Ann and Kaj. We named the baby Kaj, by the way. I think it is an enormous turnover of mindset but it is happening to me certainly. I hope I could share more and more my life with them and enjoyed every day together. 

I now have to do purchasing and preparing to visit them. This few days will become the days I can never forget. 

I am happy that to be married to her and have him. I can surely feel it now and this feeling must grow hereafter bigger and bigger. Let’s see how it realize in front of me. 

[meat-san]

2018.08.31 Being Father_1

It was a big event but passed in moment. Unless I note what I think, how I feel, it must slip away from my memory soon. 

Remembering back, the pregnant term is so long and special that we could warming up our relationship enough to have a baby. 

It started on January 8th. When I talked with a friend over coffee at Suzuki cafe, I got a mail from my wife saying I might get pregnant. I was relieved at that time because I had some time to prepare the response to this notice. Honestly speaking, I felt lost something and I got loss how to reply to please with my wife. I replied what a mystery and maybe said that the baby was like the rebirth of her father. Anyway at least I was sure I had unconsciously chosen the very different way.

Then a couple of months passed as usual. Nothing special other than she become super health conscious. Meat, egg, milk have gone away from our table and veg-cooking was forced to me as well, which time by time irritated me though I have already got used to it. I am honorable my ability adapting to my wife.

The next coming morning sickness term was uncomfortable but maybe not as bad as others. She became easy-tempted and pickier about food. She or women originally have these charcters and the marriage shock was steeper than this so I knew I could got over this. I hoped that I could adopt or finish this term asap.

Around 5 - 8motns was calm. Pregnancy was already natural. We turned into being introverted  than ever and enjoyed talking to or about our baby.

Then she enjoyed maternity leave. She went various places she wanted to and had fun time with friends. On the other hand, she contributed almost all the housework. This worked well for both of us and we have been happier than ever before after marriage. In the happiness, a small anxious remained what if the baby have a fatal error or disease or so.

2 months flied and we had the very day of birth on August 31th yesterday...

[meat-san]

Tragets of 2018

I soonerly becomes 30 years old which is a start of the next decade.  Through 20s, I graduated the uni, publish an article, run 250km and 250km, started working, experiencing life abroad, make the way back to my home town, camping on the mountain along the lake, find a very important partner, buy a flat, see one’s death. 

I have not set specific theme in 20s but I felt I tried to make my personality more extravagant remembering the memories. There were many happiness and many toughness, luckily I could have been healthy and saved precious experiences then changed myself more ideal. 

The next decade, if I set the theme at present, I would choose below. 1. Independent, 2. share my thoughts & drive other, 3. healthy & beautiful.

Make me happy, which makes my wife happy, then we have happy life!!

Then next year, I set the targets below.

<1. earn money but salary> I completely depend my income on the company and which would let me lose my free decision in the future. I need to create my own job whatever I can keep doing, event, area management, production. 

10,000jpy per month is the target and what I have to do is to try and error as much as possible.

<2. publish blog regularly in a way understood> The easy way to refine and share my thought is absolutely blogging. I express my thought in the word the other could understand and drive himself. Without any doubt english is the world common language so I need to learn english way as well.

Write a blog every week arranging properly according to who may read it.

<3.  Run, cook, deepen the knowledge> Exercise and diet are two wheels of my health and it is supported by good rest. I would know more about these natural habbits and make it better and better.

run 4 days a week, do not buy processed or ready-made food at home. 

Happy birthday to me and welcome 30s!!

[meat-san]

Review of 2017

There was a tidal wave of my life in 2017 then my life was completely changed. Then the targets I set at the begnning mostly  got irrelevant. 

However I do not regret mostly. I chose what I like and just have got accustomed to it. The slogan was Happy wife, happy life. Next year I would love to add one more to this, Happy wife, happy life, grow my self. 

1. to know more about the town of Toyohashi and join the local activity as much as possible especially series event. Gradually the job gets busier and busier, the priority of these deteriorated since these take much time of me in advance. I need to spare a certain time for and with my wife. Looking back this makes my life dull and colorless. I realize it take a precious part to communicate with others than your family. I would like to find out the good balance next year.

2. to master DIY things such as wiring, carpenter things, camping I have not done anything. I would like to learn to DIY when I asked or invited but I cannot do these actively now. This is not in the next year target.

3. Inport / Export  I have not done anything. I want to know more about trade but I am more interested in local stuffs now.

4. run 200km per month, 24h 230km, found running team in Toyohashi. I have totally lost my routine of run. This is a big miss since I could not run 20km without stopping now. I did some events but I cannot make time such much to lead a team or continuous event now. However I would love to restart it again from 5km per day * 4days in a week next year and have a few events next year.

5. Routine work in the life, lunch box, early bird I have accomplished this target due to Ann. However in the latter half I get to know I need some relaxing time at lunch and stop bringing lunch box. Next year I try to make the place I could be relaxed with someone over lunch box. Almost every day I could have enough sleeping time and filled with energy. Next year I need to finish work earlier and have more spare time.

6. to contribute KIWA and deepen the knowledge of music

I tried to do until getting married to Ann then I realize I am not so interested in music as others.

7. write Blog weekly I could not keep continuing blog after I got busy. This is the target I prioritize next year. I need to influence the people around to change the present condition around me and blog is a thing I can do myself for this. Around me there are a lot of people keep writing blog though they are much bisier than me.

8. English every day, en movie every week. My wife supported me because she like to see the movies on Net flix in english. Actually they are interesting and I sit and watch it besides her several times. I would like to touch english more daily level next year.

[meat-san]

<Review_Edaya 「わたし」と「社会」のリデザイン>

It is inspiring that one of your friend create her an innovation and get to influence the world. 

There are a lot of her thoughts written down in the book chronically. Among them, one very interesting for me is that she as well as other people has been worried, struggled, selected about when she clear her challenge. I have read many authors write like this but it’s felt more in person when it is said by who you know in person.

I am really fortunate and proud that I have friends as her.

[meat-san]

Wedding events have gone.

A series of wedding events have finished finally.  Started with proposing, then wed-ceremony, wed-party, moving and honeymoon. Apart from these there have been thousands of things to be done.

Actually, the marriage has just started here after finishing all the special events. Each event has something new, exciting, tough, good or bad but it last only a few days or months at longest. Hereafter the life continue decades without any break. I would like to keep the fresh feeling at present. 

To memorize them, I will note a event down here one by one later.

Going through a wedding series, I learnt by heart some helpful words. I will keep them into my mind to have good relationship and attitude with my wife always.

- Can two walk together, excepts they be agreed?  from bible, amos3:3

- 配偶者は飼い猫のようなもの。from 困難な結婚, 内田樹

- 結婚は私事ではなく、公共的なもの。from 困難な結婚, 内田樹

[meat-san]

2016.08.02

I have finished Rosetta stone chinese course after almost 2years. I am ashamed half that I could not keep covering a certain section which I have decided to study a day but half proud that I have finished anyway in the end.

Anyway this is only the start line to go to the next step. I will start the grammer book and have more opportunity to talk with natives.

I hope I can talk in the next year.

[meat-san]

noma -my perfect storm-

It has been a while since I watched a movie last time.

This movie focuses on the story of noma especially about its concept and the come-back to No.1 restaurant in the world. It is beautiful and sleek.

Rene is tremendously confident sometimes seems even arrogant but what he says convinced me. Probably he is just very honest as all Danes are. His modest life style may reflect it. I think this honesty is a big advantage for Danes being happier and better than any other people. 

The most impression sentence is “to choose No.1 restaurant is like to choose the No.1 color”. This words seemed very opposite of his idea because apparently he has been struggling to keep No.1 and pleasured with that position. If his word is true, he does not need to struggle such much. 

I like this contradicted behavior and I am sure only a few people who succeeded can say like this. 

[meat-san]

03/18 (fri)

Today a letter arrived from Sakuramichi office. 

Seeing it, the starting order of the runners is totally random this year because I am arranged to the last group. Even though I know that the order is random, being in the last group is a tremendous pressure in terms of both mentally and physically. 

Mental wise: Usually the order of the group is “the fast is the last”. So people in the last group are like japanese long distance run representatives. Attendants respect those people and they are supposed to run as such. 

Physical wise: Each group starts every 5 minutes and there is 30minutes behind from the first runner to me. Since I am not familiar with this race, I had better follow someone not to lose my way and to keep motivated. I need to run fast for the first 20km or so to catch other runners.

Before anything, my training is really short like 100km per month pace in march. I do not know why but I am not motivated recently partly because of the knee ache. I must be proud of being the last group but I cannot be proud of my run yet.

Tomorrow I will join the ultra running class held by Su-san. I hope it motivate me. 

[meat-san]

03/14 (mon)

Ann told me what I told her made me sad. I think I should not have carried it to her even though I did not realize how it echoed to her. I must learn by heart that it totally depends on person to person how to feel it not by myself.

[meat-san]

03/13 (sun)

It has been long since I stopped writing tumblr. At that time, I just flew back to JP and kind of busy until I quit GEA with a lot of business travel.

It has changed because I decided to live back to Toyohashi. I even afford writing blog now and then. However, on the other hand, the longer I stay in Toyohashi, the quicker my english skill deteriorated. To make it slow and keepit as my skill, I am starting diary for a while from today.