#like is being nice to me when I'm like a sickly little victorian child really all it takes to make my ovaries explode 😭

[nobodybetterlookatme]

My mom told me the other day that it was gonna seem like I was trying to date my friend if I payed for her ticket to a show, so maybe you should try and pay for his food and that’ll indicate your intentions lol 😅

LMAO fuck maybe I could try that 😂

[snaggletoothedbastard]

rating insults my best friend has given me

because this was fun last time

you look like a five-year-old gremlin

in response to me telling him he looks like a 35-year-old man

i was not being serious, he looks more like he's in his mid twenties

but still, it was not much of an insult from me and then he comes out with this shit

i'm more offended by the idea that i look five years old than the idea that i look like a gremlin

i already know i look like a gremlin

6/10, it's probably the most creative height joke i've ever heard but not the most creative insult i've heard from this guy, i know he can do better

you walk like a drunk ape

now this is not one i've heard before

very true

the full sentence was "for someone who walks like a drunk ape you've got surprisingly good balance when you're kicking my punchbag"

so it's actually part of a compliment?

7/10, still not the most impressive but i like it

your arm is the size of an anorexic snake

in response to me showing him my bicep and asking how it looked

i then instantly pretended to punch him

he's not wrong though

he proceeded to flex his muscles and ask me how they looked so i said "like a fat snake"

4/10, it was amusing but the image of an anorexic snake makes me sad. i'm just imagining a literal noodle with a face

it really completes the tiny tim look

in response to me showing him my first cane like ten minutes after i bought it (i say first because last week i got a new one! and it's adjustable so i can make it exactly the right size!)

i was literally the james acaster meme (see one of my previous posts)

i was wearing a newsboy cap at the time which didn't help

i do happen to look like a sickly victorian child so i get it

9/10, probably the most creative out of these

i refuse to believe that you could win a game of pool without cheating

sir?? sir??? excuse me???

he once "won" a pool game against me by cheating

and by cheating i mean he got up on the table and used the cue like a fucking golf club

he was drunk

last week i actually won a pool game without cheating

and when i told him he said this

2/10, outrageous

and now...

rating compliments my best friend has given me

or just generally nice things he's said to me because i don't want the conclusion of this post to be that he's an asshole

you've got the voice of an angel

in response to me singing in front of him for the first time

a month or so later he told my crush that i had "an insane singing voice"

shoutout to him for being the best wingman

8/10, it's a little cheesy but i like it

numerous variations of "don't be sorry for being ill, we all love you anyway and we're happy to take care of you"

has been said several times throughout the summer because i got sick with vitamin d deficiency and have been getting the Symptoms(TM) a lot and feeling bad about it because it makes spending time together difficult

last time he said this to me i'd been drinking apple cider, which i found out the hard way is stronger than pear cider, and halfway through him saying this to me i felt extremely sick. kind of ironic

also i said it to him a few weeks ago because we'd planned to hang out at my house the morning after a night out but he messaged me saying he'd accidentally eaten gluten and was having a reaction so he had to go home, and he said he felt like a dick so i basically gave him the same advice he always gives me

9/10, wonderful advice and a good reminder, it's just a shame he had to say it so much

you're so sweet :)

nice and simple

he always says it after i give him anything that vaguely resembles advice

10/10, no notes, perfection

this poem's only mediocre because you wrote it, if it had been written by anyone else it would be amazing

now this one confused me for a second because it doesn't sound like a compliment

i'd just shown him a poem i'd written which wasn't bad but it wasn't as good as my other poems

basically he meant the poem was only mediocre by my standards because my poetry is good

but by anyone else's standards it would be really good

7/10 because it was confusing but once i understood it was very sweet

i didn't think anyone could love me until i met you

i can't

i can't handle this

so lovely but so sad, mate are you okay??

every time i feel insecure i remember that he said this and i just

10/10 i have no words

and bonus

apparently after i left a party early he drunkenly asked me if i was ok. twice. and had to be reminded by the others that i wasn't there.

in between bouts of violently throwing up <3

and that, my friends, is true love

10/10