#like im sorry to say this i really hate to compare the two bc i know the hs epilogues r so hated

[skitskatdacat63]

The hate nando is getting right now is lame. Even moresp when ppl are doing anti tags.

Aaaahh yeah it's really annoying :/ I've not seen too much hate on here, because I really try not to go looking for it bcs it makes me rly annoyed. And that's like, probably one of the only things that will get me to actually block someone(which I rarely ever do.) However, I do frequent reddit and there was some post abt his comments after the sprint and UGH the comments bothered me so much. Sometimes I'm tempted to look at the anti tags, but from what I've seen already, ik it's gonna piss me off. I already blocked some people yesterday bcs of it.

I've talked abt this a lot with people but. Ik rationally that there's some people out there who don't like him, and don't enjoy his antics. But it sucks to see people hate on the traits that you like best 😔 Like people saying "he's a really good driver BUT his off track antics ruin his career, and he should never win a race." And a lot of antis, it feels like they're always waiting for some tiny thing like this to validate their opinion that Fernando is genuinely a terrible person who doesn't deserve anything. People want drama, and then they hate it when he gives them drama 🙄 anyways I have a lot of thoughts on the comments he made, but idk if I should say on main haha, not that I really care. Also, people now calling him a terrorist for accidentally being at the scene of the crime for several crashes, when he's one of the cleanest drivers ever 😔 rude.

[meowdude]

im so sorry to say this but fionna and cake shares a certain something with the homestuck epilogues

[britneyshakespeare]

i finished the merry wives of windsor today btw. 4 shakespeare plays left to go

[bad268]

ok so Arthur leclerc sad fic. HERE ME OUT. It’s him comparing himself to Ollie and how he got to have everything he ever dreamed of, how he just wanted to be like his brother and make him proud. Like set at the end of 2023 when Ferrari dropped him and he left prema ( crying rn just at the mention of it) and maybe it can fast forward the Ollies first f1 race and Arthur is just on the bed of the hotel watching with teary eyes and the reader comforts him. WOAH THAT WAS ALOT I AM SO SORRY. I feel like I didn’t mention enough almost?!? Idk I feel like u could really add ur touch to it.

HOLD UP I THOUGHT I WAS DONE. What happens if it gets a little angsty like he is watching it with teary eyes and reader is like “Arthur, Arthur?” And he randomly snaps and starts destroying the hotel room and starts saying stuff like “THAT SHOULD BE, I DESERVED IT” then randomly stops and breaks down on the floor saying “I will never ever be enough for anything, I am not good enough, I hate myself, I hate myself, I hate myself”

WHAT THE HELL DID I JUST WRITE I FEEL LIKE I JUST WROTE A WHOLD FIC WOAH IM SO SORRY. If it’s too angsty just make sure to point it out bc if u won’t do it I think I can finally it my non existent writing skills to work ( kidding)

I LOVE UR WORK BTWWWW

That Should Be Me (Arthur Leclerc X Reader)

Fandom: RPF/WEC

Requested: Clearly (WHEN I TELL YOU I SCREAMED WHEN I SAW THIS-)

Warnings: Mentions of destroying room (Arthur has a mental breakdown tbh)

POV: Second Person (You/your)

W.C. 1091

Summary: Arthur feels jealous of Ollie, of Charles. He doesn't feel worthy to be in Ferrari, but the reader shows him his worth.

As always, my requests are OPEN

MASTERLIST // HITLIST

~~(^Pinterest)

It had been a hectic year for you and Arthur. What started as a good opportunity to test Ferrari later turned sour when Ferrari dropped Arthur from their driver academy. It was hard to get around at first, but you convinced Arthur to take it in strides and take it for what it is. An opportunity to do something better. Sure, he was still a developmental driver for Ferrari, but that left more time to show them what he could do in endurance racing! He’d show them what they lost there!

Just as he was accepting the loss, they threw a fork in the road. He decided that since he didn’t need to be with his endurance team until later in March, he would go to support his brother in Jeddah. You joined him since the timing worked out in your schedule, too.  Just as you two were getting off the plane, the news hit.

Breaking: Oliver Bearman to replace Carlos Sainz this weekend in Jeddah.

You saw it immediately, but Arthur, who had turned off notifications from Instagram, didn’t see it until you both got to the hotel after traveling the entire day. Arthur had pulled out his phone to find the reservation, and that was the first thing he saw.

He turned to you, showing the notification with a small smile, before saying, “Look at that! Ollie’s racing this weekend.”

At the time, you wished you had picked up on the forceness of his smile, or the fact that his jaw was clenched, or even the slightly hurt tone behind his words. Unfortunately, you didn’t, though.

You both started unpacking in silence, but you didn’t think anything of it. It was normal. Then, you realized you had left your hair care products at home, so you mentioned to Arthur that you would be back in about ten minutes. 

It was only ten minutes, but when you came back, everything was destroyed.

Your clothes were thrown around the room, bags upside down and emptied, and Arthur was nowhere to be seen. That caused your stomach to drop.

“Arthur?” You asked cautiously as you stepped into the hotel room, taking care not to step on everything around you. You walk into the bedroom and see him destroying the bed and throwing everything haphazardly around. You were scared to approach him, so you settled for calling out to him. “Arthur?”

“That should have been me!” He cried out in anger as his moves became more erratic and dangerous. “I gave my everything to Ferrari, and they overlooked me. Every. Single. Time. I’m tired of it! I deserved that! Why does Ollie get everything handed to him?”

“You have worked hard, love,” You comforted as you approached him slowly, resting a hand on his forearm to stop him. “You have done everything right, and you’re right. It’s not fair, but it's what happened, and we can’t change it now. All we can do is be supportive of Ollie and show our support. Ferrari will see you, I promise.”

“I will never be enough for anything,” He whispered as he started coming down. His shoulders dropped as the pillow he held fell back onto the bed, and he sank down to the floor. You followed him, quickly wrapping your arms around his shoulders as he cried into your shoulders. “I’m always overlooked in this sport. I’ll always be in Charles’s shadow. I’m never going to be good enough in comparison.”

“You have never been in Charles’s shadow to me,” You whispered back as you put your hands against his cheeks to pull his face off your shoulder. You wiped away his tears like he had done with you on so many occasions and left trails of kisses over the tracks that lined his cheeks. You gave him a minute before leaning your forehead against his. “You have been and always will be enough. You deserve so much. I know it seems like everything is crashing down against you, but your time to shine will come. It’ll just take some time and patience.”

“How do you know that? How do you know they aren’t just going to throw me out after they don’t want me anymore?” He asked. He sounded defeated, and it broke your heart to pieces hearing him doubt himself so much. “What if they’re only keeping me around because of my name? I’ll never live up to Charles.”

“Please stop comparing yourself to your brother,” You pleaded with a groan and a pointed look at Arthur.

“Why? He is better than me in almost every way,” Arthur tried to go on a tangent, but you gently squished his cheeks to stop him.

“I’m dating Arthur Leclerc. I have only dated Arthur Leclerc. I only want to date Arthur Leclerc. I love Arthur Leclerc. I have only loved Arthur Leclerc. And I only want to love Arthur Leclerc. Is that clear enough for you?” You planted kisses around his face with every statement you made before landing with the final one on his lips with a slight chuckle. “You are the love of my life, and I have always believed in you. You will always be enough for me because you are all I could ever want.”

“So you won’t leave if I don’t make it to F1?” He questioned as he leaned more of his weight into your hands. 

“Don’t speak that into existence, love,” You sighed. “But wherever you end up, I will always be beside you for it. I don’t define your success like that. As long as you’re happy, I’m happy to be with you.”

“I’m happy to be with you, too,” He whispered back as he finally smiled and pulled you in for a kiss. He moved his hands to the side of your neck and your cheek before he pulled back slightly and whispered against your lips, “What do we do now?”

“We support the team like we came to do, we cheer our friend Ollie on for this opportunity he got, and we show that you are just as committed to the team as you always have,” You said with a shrug. “There isn’t much we can really do besides that. If there is more, I just don’t know it. We’ll just go with the flow.”

“Can we get dinner and dessert?” Arthur asked with a smirk. “I could use a cheat.”

“I think you deserve a little cheat after today,” You chuckled, leaving a light kiss on the tip of his nose. “Anything you want.”

~~~~~

© BAD268 2024. DO NOT REPOST WITHOUT PERMISSION.

[miumura]

💭 — RICKY AS YOUR BOYFRIEND !

SOPH — tysm for the two anons that requested this! sorry for the delay, i was trying to do a bunch of reqs at once but got carried away due to some school work </3 (yes i have summer hw im suffering). hope you enjoy these though!

GENRE — fluff, angst if you squint | WARNINGS — lower case intended, 2nd pov, and that’s it?

— he seems the type to play it cool in a relationship but is actually a MESS. like what should he do? should he be flirting with you? should you guys be doing anything? besides that cool face, this mind is racking ideas of what he should do and what’s best for the relationship. anything for you!!

— i don’t think ricky could ever get mad at you. like maybe jokingly mad or being frustrated but that’s all. i don’t think he really likes conflict and tries fixing it. thing is, he may give silent treatment just so he could talk to myself on how to solve an argument between you two.

— now, ricky may forget a lot of things, but he never forgets anything about you! anyone can ask something about you, and he’s like a walking google about you. ik he whips his head if he hears your name come out of any of the member’s mouth. they can call him a simp for all he cares — he knows it’s true anyways.

— “you know ricky, you don’t know a lot of stuff of me compared to your partner.” “gyuvin yeah, cause you’re not yn.” “i get that but come on, how could you forget my favorite food?” “oh sorry, i forgot.” “ricky i’ll beat you up—” “yn!!!”

— he would get excited over little gifts you give him. he’s used to being the gift giver, so seeing you get him something just seems ten time more valuable than those luxury brands. probably shows it off to the others. “bet you don’t have this,” LMFAO hes so silly

— the type to send pics of himself or sweet msgs to you when he misses you. and he js plays it off with “i bet you miss me so here you go.” in reality, he just misses you and just wants to hear sweet things from you :( <3

— boy he LOVES strawberries. so he probably buys you strawberry items so that you can be reminded of him. let’s say his obsession can get out of hand, but who doesn’t love cute strawberry items???

— i feel like he would prefer a more private relationship?? but that doesn’t work out since he acts SOOO different around you. so when he announces that you two are dating, the others aren’t surprised whatsoever.

— pretty clueless so would ask you for help because it’s “you two getting along” he says. he would find any excuse to be with you at all times and just wouldn’t mind acting a little clueless.

— if there’s any language barriers, i feel like he’d try his best to communicate with you as best as he can. sure, he wants to give up at some times, but he remembers you, the main cause of his motivation. so he’d study really hard for you :)

— ricky isn’t always as open with his thoughts as he think he is. sometimes, he may isolate himself, just because there’s a lot on his mind. so that’s when you step in! give him comfort and offer to listen bc that’s all what he needs!

— secretly likes physical touch but won’t flat out admit it. he wouldn’t pretend he hates it either, he just lets it happen. secretly smiles when you suddenly become clingy around him. he likes you initiating it first because he doesn’t want to be annoying or a bother to you when he needs affection </3

— the longer you’re in a relationship with him, the more comfortable he is with you. and that’s a good thing! but he still gets flustered over small acts you do for him.

— partner privilege is probably a thing.

— would love showing you off :’) he’s just really glad yours is and sometimes can’t believe it himself. which is why he may just catch himself be quiet and admire you <3

💭 — in bloom already has two wins 🙏 so proud of them <3

ZB1 PERM TAGLIST — @dwcljh @ilovewonyo @jiawji @tzyuki @kpoprhia @flamiricky @misoxhappy @lluvjjun @zzzhoonie

[leviathanofdeath]

rotb spoilers i talk abt Noah in depth bc im autistic and its 1 am

(this is also strictly talking abt the movies)

idk bout yall, but i really like Noah and his character and the way he interacts with everything thrown at him., I really like how (because of Mirage's chill personality) he wasn't completely overwhelmed by the existence of robot aliens. sure he was freaking the hell out abt the car driving by itself but yknow he caught on pretty quickly. and this is also due to the fact that he wanted to save earth as well. and specifically he wanted to help his brother. can we talk abt the fact that he was so willing to go against his morals just to scrounge up some sort of cash to help his family. as soon as he got into Mirage he was like "I don't wanna do this" and he was trying to get out the car. I also really like the relationship Noah had with his little brother. trying to be that light in his life and give hope. doing everything just to help his little brother not be in so much pain. it was just a nice touch to show us how truly compassionate and caring Noah is and you could really feel that through the performance, imo. you can tell they've both been struggling for quite some time. you feel sorry for when Noah gets immediately rejected by that security officer, and he's completely honest and trying to explain how he deserves a second chance (and he does) and he's probably repeated those reasons a thousand times in the past. he almost completely doubts himself until his brother reiterates that they're always gonna be there together and theybcan do it. and even though it sounds unrealistic, me and my sister have said the same thing to each other so it feels all the more powerful to me. it's a completely different approach to a character in the movie series and I cannot appreciate it enough.

and can I just say, sorry to the sam likers out there, I like how Noah doesn't just immediately insult Mirage trying to save him or befriend him. they actually have a strong ass bond almost right off the bat. sam was always yelling at bee everytime bee came in to save his ass (I hated this bc bee can do no wrong ok) but when Mirage was fighting scourge all by himself JUST to buy time for Noah, literslly risking his life for Noah. literslly becoming a suit of armor for him. Noah was nearly in tears, watching mirage's optics fade becsuse they've already become so close. Noah and Mirage have the silliest banter because they just get along so well. I know it's kind of stupid to compare the two (sam/bee and noah/mirage) but my point is simply: they connect so well together and I really fucking appreciate that. we've seen it with Charlie and Bee where they genuinely care for each other and now we see it again with Noah and Mirage. its just so nice to see the two get along swimmingly. even after they save the world, Mirage meets Noah's brother and everything and Noah begins to fix Mirage up as well. showing that they've become closer after the entire incident.

and Mirage. I just gotta say he is seriously the star of the show. Pete Davidson did an amazing job with him. and Mirage's personality fits with Noah so incredibly well. They've got the same type of style, use the same slang, stuff like that, and they compliment each other. Mirage is so genuinely interested and curious about Noah that he comes off as extremely friendly, defensive, and playful. He doesn't hesitate to risk his life for Noah and he gives Noah a little gauntlet to at least keep himself safe when they're apart. he even tells Noah off the bat that he can turn into any car and be sold so Noah can have money for his family. Maybe its the fact that Mirage has been cooped up and told to stay hidden for so long that he can't help but appreciate the first person to "reawaken" him, but regardless their relationship is just extremely refreshing and nice. The way they can bounce off each other is awesome. God i love them so much honestly I can't think of a better duo than these two theyre just perfect for each other whether its platonic or more

[jiminjeonging]

I think the winter, karina, giselle instagram live they did in august 2023 is peak jmj angst yearn

So in my personal timeline headcanon (and I think shared by a lot of others) 2023 was a patchy time for them - early on going into a more platonic / no sex era (due to arguments that came from over complicating their friendship, but they still felt romantic + sexual things for each other, which then became more intense the longer the tried to stay away from each other). I think the tour was what made them start hooking up again- the freedom of being away from Korea, the adrenaline from tour, the being together constantly. So at the time of this live, we have a jmj who hookup in secret on tour, pretending to themselves and to each other it’s not romantic, which is then making them unconsciously tetchy and on edge with each other when they’re not hooking up (on stage, in rehearsal- this again is also enhanced by the being together all day everyday with tour rehearsals and the performances themselves).

Now in the live we see

- a kind of off energy the whole way through. Of course they’re still friends and acting like such but also compared to their 2022/earlier lives where they were clingy + affectionate to this? It just makes the whole vibe a bit.. it seems like jm is less comfortable than when she did lives alone or with aeri in this era (see: her hiding her face, her wanting to go off camera occasionally, her needing a break to “get sweets”)

- despite this, jm is clearly staring at mj a lot this live. When she does turn her head from the screen, it’s nearly always at mj even when she’s not talking. And there is a very noticeable point where she is looking at mj through the screen (she smiles to herself when mj pulls a face)

- kind of jealous jm? Whenever aeri and mj are interacting or joking or laughing between them jms face falls completely flat. I wouldn’t say she looks angry or jealous persay but she just stops talking and smiling and stares dead faced - maybe more dare fetched but her completely out the blue calling out that fan that said they wanted to date mj 😭

- maybe fits with the jealousy thing but it needs a point of its own bc it makes me laugh- mj talking about snails and goes “unnie can’t eat snails though”, then jm immediately going “I can ?” and then getting corrected when mj reveals she was talking to giselle instead 😭 she assumed she was in mjs head as much as mjs in hers

- and speaking of! The classic jm mid conversation laughing to herself about a conversation her and mj had and then awkwardly having to explain it

- mj as well just seems not very interactive with jm? When it was conversations of the three of them they’d all talk, and yes it probably was hard for them to interact with giselle in between them- but again going from mj who would lean over people just to hold jms hands to an mj who didn’t even really look at her much? Combined with jm just giving a kind of sad energy

- jm making a comment that she hoped nn scared winter through the hotel walls in the middle of the night. The joke itself was normal but that whole section seemed so odd again. (Theory is jm was practically begging for mj to invite her to stay in her room and using her being scared as an excuse)

Anyway sorry for such a rant im just rewatching it now and going crazy. As the live progresses they do both seem to get more into it and interact a bit more and are giggly more but it makes me think it was tense between the two of them before they started

omg this is actually such a good analysis that made me want to rewatch the live bcs i felt that mj wasnt really interactive with jm back then too! also i agree with the timeline in your head the semi hate-fucks went hard during the tour🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️

[milfzatannaz]

thank you for putting the harm neil gaiman has done over the love you had for his writing, its been really distressing to see so many people cry about how they love good omens and prioritize their own feelings, acting like their feelings about fictional characters matter more than the real harm he has done and how unsafe it is to allow him his continued fame, power, platform and accesses to people.

I fell in love with sandman, i have battered copies of both violent cases and black orchid, i used to love good omens [before falling out of the fandom] but the second i found out i got angry, i grieved the money i spent on the sandman comics [bc im broke af], and i recognized that the joy his works has ever brought anyone is nothing compared to the pain the women went through, with more and more coming forwards. its such a shame that's so hard for so many people to do

sorry that got away from me, but just to say thank you for being so reasonable about all of this, when i found out i ached for you because of all the love you have poured into sandman and death of the endless, and i think you should get the exclusive rights to death of the endless.

also fuck the people crying over a 90 minute movie i think good omens should have been removed from netflix <- petty over reaction but man why are good omens fans so annoying about the two shrodingers gay angels, get some better queer rep

hey, you don’t have to thank me. I really appreciate it though. I’m navigating this just like you and everyone else! I’ll be lying if I said the first few weeks didn’t leave me distressed and really, really confused. But I worked that shit out with my support system and my therapist…..I just hate how ppl are letting their personal feelings of hurt and disappointment cloud their priorities! We all reacted in our own individual ways, but those reactions should never take priority over our commitment to protecting women and supporting his victims.

I love sandman too. Pls don’t feel guilty over buying those books. I mean, I have a really extensive collection that I used my meager college paycheck to pay for, and I don’t feel guilty for having done it. They brought me joy! We’re allowed joy and to love our belongings. Hell, I’ll treasure my Absolute Death for the rest of my life- it’s my favorite book in my collection! We didn’t buy them to support him, we bought them bc they made us happy. It serves no one to self flagellate over that. There’s a huge difference between reading books we already own and petitioning Amazon to rehire him, trust me! You’re doing your best too and I commend you for that!

[imraespace]

HIGIHI biting chigiri is so real honestly i would too.. and now that i think about it id probably bite rin as well bc id wanna see if hes gonna kill me or just walk away awkwardly HELP

im currently at school n my science class sucks 💔 the girl that i dont really like (she doesnt like me as well) and she hasnt said a single word to me I MEAN IT MAKES SENSE WHY but idk i feel like i should talk to her or smth bc we didnt even resolve our problems w each other but either way i dont think i can be her friend again ☹️ i also unfortunately have the last lunch so I LEGIT HAVE NO FRIENDS W ME?? EITHER I MAKE FRIENDS W THE GRADE ABOVE ME OR IM EATING ALONE

i feel like im probably gonna eat in a corner and read bluelock at this point hashtag bachira before bllk HELP 💔 im hoping i find my own isagi somewhere in this school because all my friends are weirdly across the globe like why are the best people not in my city??

anyways another random question 😈🙏 what bluelock character do you think would start selling feet pics if they got kicked out of bluelock

- 🐙

HIAJAHWIIQ HELP SAME I WOULD AS WELL

I'm stuck in school as well it's lunchtime for me tho so I'm just hanging out with my one friend rn bc I have a friend group drama that apparently IM INVOLVED? A GIRL IN THE GROUP SAID I DIDNT WAVE AT HER and now she hates me idk if we're in high school or kindergarten.. so now she gives me bad looks, she tried to take some of the friends i have but two of them told her no (heheheheh) but she stole one out of the two friends I have in this education facility and when she does she stares at me in my eyeballs😒 like I'm sorry for not waving at you? IDK.

ALSO I HATW THAT like me personally I like communication bc I don't want anyone to think bad of me so I'll get upset if I can't fix something with someone😕 (that girl I literally mentioned but she was just straight toxic and took my anti social as a bait to make fun of me so I hope she trips on a stone!)

ALSO SADLY I DONT HAVE THAT PROBLEM lunchtime is lunchtime for everyone for schools in my country so all grades are out but still I always stay by myself mostly unless someone calls me I SAY READ ALONE AND HOPE SOMEONE SEES BLLK AND BECOMES YOUR ISAGI‼️‼️ the friends I have DOESNT EVEN WATCH ANIME OR PLAY VIDEO GAMES or the ones who do DONT LIVE IN THE CARIBBEAN.

erm answer to your question is shidou! he yells straight into the womb on the field what is feet pics to him😕😕

odd thing to say but in my class ppl take off their shoes to compare toes.. WHAT

[cupoftaae]

Forever and a day (KTH x READER) series♡ silent treatment cant last forever (chapter 5)

Summary: your lifelong friend is forced to face his true feelings for you once he breaks the number one rule of becoming friends with benefits: dont fall in love. He knows he loves you, but you on the other hand need more convincing of the most important thing: the right decision.

Genre: fwb. Roommates, friends to idiots to lovers, fluff, angst, smut, the whole 9 yards tbh.

Pairing: taehyung x female!reader

rating: 18+ (minors dni!!!)

word count- 4.1k

chapter warnings: swearing, tae is struggling :( kaito is a fucking LOSER and does a bad thing. literally all I can say is SORRY in advance !! mentions of domestic violence and abuse. Quick mention of pregnancy

A/N- I hope you guys enjoy this chapter, I have most of these already written out, but I like to take time and add ideas as I go along. I kinda came up with a plot twist that will eventually play out, just dont hate me. What can I say? I love angst. ALSO- chapter 6 will be out this weekend possibly, if not, then monday ;) just a treat bc ily guys

"he's such a fucking dumbass" Kaito scoffs and takes a sip of his wine, collapsing back onto the couch next to you. You remained quiet as he ranted after you told him about the night you had.

Immediately after coming back to the apartment with taehyung, you two ended up fighting again. Something about him being childish, you being self centered, him being nosey, and you not being the old you. What does that even mean? You havent changed at all, its him who is always starting these fights.

after that, you packed a bag and ran over to your boyfriends house. It wasnt where you wanted to be, exactly, but you needed a place to hide.

"I dont think he is a dumbass, I just think....hes....i dont know? having a midlife crisis?" you shrugged, leaning into your boyfriends touch.

"midlife crisis....at the ripe age of 23 years old?"

"yeah, I think he is always comparing himself to me, and hes confused about who he wants to be. He wishes he stayed in college so bad, he even signed up for this little credit art course they ha-"

"art??" kaito laughed covering his mouth for a moment

"yeah" you turned around to look at him

"so he thinks finger painting will help him snap into being an adult?"

you stared at him, scrunching your face up in thought. Yeah, you kinda poked at tae and made jokes, but you didnt mean any harm deep down. Maybe you dont understand his little desire to paint away his feelings, but watching kaito laugh about it is different, because he means it. You suddenly felt guilty for talking about him behind his back, even if he was a dick for yelling at you a few hours ago.

"he enjoys it, its kinda cute. If its helping him back onto his feet then who cares...its not like he quit his job or anything, kaito."

"cute? more like immature"

"hey, cmon, leave him alone"

"you cant seriously be defending him"

"I just dont like talking about people behind their back, you know?"

"whatever" he scoffed, taking a sip of his drink before pulling you onto his lap. "wait..." he stopped, thinking before laughing. "I thought....I thought you said you were sick?"

Your heart stopped the minuet he spoke, how could you forget your own fucking lie, more importantly, how is he just catching this?

"Oh I was feeling better, mhm. This morning I felt like shit but I figured it would be better to suck it up and go to the dinner anyways, should have stayed home!" you blurted out and got off his lap, standing to your feet.

"right" he eyed you, standing up as well as he put his drink down. "well....do you wanna go to bed?" he asked, doing that stupid smirk face that made you somewhat angry.

"uhm, well, yeah, but im really tired kai, also im still not feeling 100% you know? so, maybe we should sleep. just..sleep." you nodded quickly and turned around on the ball of your heel, only to be yanked around by the wrist.

Your eyes widened in shock at the sudden action from him, heart pounding in your ears. Was he drunk? who knows, but that was not an ok thing to do regardless.

"let go of me, what the fuck?" you breath out, trying to tug your hand out of his tightening grip.

"you arent lying to me about Taehyung right?"

"what? What are you talking ab- let go!"

"you wouldnt lie to avoid me, right? you and him arent doing shit behind my back?" he asked, anger in his voice, something youve never seen.

"No! theres nothing!! I promise, I was just sick and, kai you are scaring me please!" you whine, mad at the tears that showed up so quickly. He saw your eyes and immediately let go, making you yank yourself backwards quickly, allowing the tears to fall as you hugged yourself.

"oh my god, im so sorry baby, I didnt mean to d-"

You both looked down at the mark left on your wrist from his grip

"shit, im so.....im so sorry, y/n, listen-"

"get away from me!!" you yelled, "Im sleeping in the guest room, d-dont come in, sober the fuck up and dont touch me again, I swear to God..." your voice shakes as you spoke, aware that if he really wanted to, he could hurt you again.

you saw regret in his face, but it didnt matter. jealousy has always been an issue for him, but its never shown like this....it was scary.

you turn quickly to run upstairs, hiding in his guest bedroom and locking the door, you wanted to leave but also didnt have anywhere to go exactly. You promised to meet up with your friend Dahyun tomorrow for lunch, so you would have to ask her to pick you up earlier.

kaito looked at the wine glass that had spilled without him even knowing, sighing and sitting with his face in his hands instead of going after you.

-

Taehyung woke up the next morning in the same state he had fell asleep: mad, clothed, dirty, and missing you.

He knew he was fighting you when it was happening, but there was just an overstimulation of emotions that had over poured, and unfortunately, you happened to be the punching bag.

He made a mental note to call his parents and explain later as he walked into your room. you were still not there. Given the things he said, you doesn't blame you, however he would like to apologize.

He walked into the kitchen and looked at all the food, well, more like ingredients for meals he doesnt know how to make. You said something last night to him about him needing to depend on you with everything, including meals. It hurt, but it was right. He sighed and closed the fridge, moving to go sit on the couch in the quiet apartment before opening his phone to his social media’s.

He hated to see other people and how well they were doing, but he found himself online more often then he used to be, maybe it was to inspire or motivate him, he wasn’t sure. He scrolled across Annie’s art page, stopping to pay extra attention to one post in particular.

She was good, her art was something people would pay money to see, he understood why she would be in all the art classes she could find. The post showed her setting up at the banquet hall a few streets down, something about an art fair. Tae smiled and like the post, wanting to know more about it. He contemplated dming her, eventually just giving in and doing so.

Taehyung: hello Annie, it’s taehyung, you probably know that because you can see my name, anyways, I saw your recent post and was wondering what you were setting up for?

He tapped his phone with his fingers, feeling odd to text someone who wasn’t, well, you.

He was surprised to see her answer quickly

Annie: hey tae :)) i was hoping you would text soon enough. I’m setting up for an art festival at the Julie banquet hall! You should totally come if you aren’t busy :0!!!

He laughed and bit his nail, suddenly hearing your voice in his head telling him not to do that...bad habit.

He texted back

Taehyung: when is it?

Annie: it’s being held this entire week for a viewing, but next weekend there is a contest....winner gets a prize!

taehyung smiled and looked around, that could be huge for him. Maybe this was the universal sign from the universe he needed, a sign that his rash decisions were actually working out for him. He knew he probably wouldn’t be able to go down today, for obvious reasons other than the fact he needs a shower.

He also needed to prepare something worth winning, and that required time.

Taehyung: oh wow...that sounds really interesting. I’ll probably be down later this week, thanks for letting me know.

He tossed his phone to the side and began to head for his room, knowing that he wouldn’t leave until he created a masterpiece.

As fun as this was, he had to admit, it was a good distraction from you.

-

"How come kai couldnt just drop you off?" Dahyun looked over at you, taking a bite of her sandwich. "well, he was a bit hungover, he had a lot to drink last night" you cleared your throat, sipping your water.

It had been a while since you and your friend saw eachother, and going out for lunch together was nice, a step away from all the boy drama going on. You were in college, and you just wanted to do normal stuff and leave the high school shit behind.

Dahyun sat back and looked you over, concern on her face. "sweetheart are you alright?"

"why wouldnt I be?

"because you look like shit, in the nicest way. Have you been sleeping?"

you laugh, looking down at your hands, "yeah, ....well, no"

"mhm, whats going on?"

"tae and I got into a fight last night, and it was just really annoying because we are always fighting nowadays, I hate it."

"is that why you were at kaitos?"

you nodded, eyes looking out the window. "I should have just stayed at the apartment though. I hate to admit it but I kinda miss him, he hasnt texted me" you sighed and re-checked your phone.

"hes a grown man, y/n, he can handle shit"

you looked at your friend, quick to remind yourself that they dont see the true venerability of taehyung like you do, they dont know that he's just emotional and feels things differently than others, so as much as you hate to say it....he cant take care of himself.

"mm" you shrug, taking a bite of a fry. "lets just talk about something else?" you suggest

"okay, let me think...." dahyun smiled to herself, searching her brain for something to talk about. "Oh did you hear about chae?" she suddenly spoke up

"no, what about her? is she ok?"

"dude she had such a pregnancy scare, she called me 2 nights ago because she was fully convinced she was preggo....shes not though so its alright" she shrugged

your eyes widened at your friends words, "what?...how did I not know this? why didnt she call me?"

"well, not to start anything but...we kinda have been calling and texting you, but you dont seem to have time anymore, which is perfectly fine, but we miss you."

you slumped down into your seat, food on the plate in front of you has now gone cold and unedible. "I dont know, man. Life is so messy right now, theres just so much going on. I miss you guys like crazy, we need to plan like a sleepover or a girls weekend." you suggest, leaning into the palm of your hand sadly.

"hey, y/n, just breathe, everything will be okay. If you are free next weekend I know a friend of mine is throwing a really fun party, i'll text you the info if you are down to go?"

you smiled hopefully, not that you were the super most outgoing person on campus, but the idea of going to a party with other kids seemed like a set up to meet some new people.

"Dahyun that sounds really fun, yes please send me the info, is chae going?" you ask, pulling out your phone

"mhm, yep...but we are gonna have to keep her with us because her boyfriend is going...well now ex boyfriend considering they broke up over this whole 'almost pregnant' scare, and-"

you quickly shut out your friends voice as you checked your socials, suddenly coming across a photo taehyung had posted on his story of a painted canvas, seemed normal enough, except the fact someone was there with him. at your apartment.

you whip your head up, "I think I have to go, im sorry, uh, something just came up and I need to get home, but uhm, you'll have to text me about nate and chae!" you spoke quickly, grabbing your purse and standing. "Thank you for having me out, I really needed it. Dont forget to text me the party details!!" you sing as you hug her and make a dash for the door.

-

You exited the elevator and made your way down the hall quickly, searching for your keycard in your over packed purse before bumping into someone and falling to the floor.

"ow? hel-, oh.." you quiet down when your eyes meet the person waiting outside your apartment door. kaito.

"What are you doing here?" you quickly stood to your feet and brushed past him, still searching for the key.

"baby, you havent answered my calls, we need to talk about last night. Im so sorry, I never meant to make you feel unsafe, im going through so much and I just....I just, I dont know what happened, but im so sorry!" he rambled quickly, touching your back and making you stop your movements.

"kaito..."

"i know, im so sorry, i suck and im an asshole and you probably hate me, I would too"

you sighed as your hands fell to your sides, turning to face him. "you....you arent an asshole, dont say that." you breathe out, grabbing his hand "just promise me you'll cut down on the drinking or something...I dont wanna see that again." you felt guilt throughout your chest as he looked down.

"I promise, baby, I will"

you pulled him into a hug and squeezed him, rubbing his back and moving to kiss his cheek. "head home, now, please" you whispered, watching his face fall.

"wait why? I was hoping we could hang out or make food or something?" he gestures towards your front door. "hm, Im sorry kai, maybe after classes sometime this week, I have to handle something right now...you know how he is" you quieted your voice at the last part, watching your boyfriend nod.

"okay....just, uh, text me ok?"

you smiled and nodded, "of course"

once he made a turn for the hall, you placed your keycard into the door and walked into the apartment to see Annie and Taehyung in the kitchen. You usually werent too keen on having random people in your house, you and tae promised to not invite others there without letting eachother know.

"y/n..." tae turned and saw you, making annie stop whisking whatever was in the bowl she held.

"tae" you nod, waving quietly to the short girl behind him. "didnt know there was something going on today" you joke, putting your bag down and walking in with arms crossed over your body.

"I just invited her over because it was a little too quiet over here" he joked, looking at her and smiling.

"ah I see" you smile and lean against the island counter. "what are you guys making?"

"apple pie" annie cheerfully responds, moving to her phone to change the song that was playing

"oh, yummy" you awkwardly reply, somewhat angry that she was in your kitchen and took it upon herself to use your ingredients that you bought yourself.

"tae, can we talk?" you turn to him, talking quietly.

"yeah..." he looked over at annie, "ill be right back"

she replied with a thumbs up before returning to her baking, reading the recipe off tae's phone.

You led him into your room before shutting the door and leaning against it, the boy looking back at you like he was expecting to get yelled at. "I'm sorry" you exhale, "For the other night, I dont wanna keep doing this with you" you shrug

"I dont wanna fight with you either." he spoke simply, biting the inside of his cheek nervously.

"I dont...I dont really know whats been going on with us but I rather just sit and be your friend than your enemy, you know"

he nodded, "you are right, and Im sorry too, all that shit I said, I didnt mean it, It was out of frustration which still isnt okay bu-"

you cut him off with a hug, "its okay"

he took a moment before wrapping his arms around you in return, "Are you mad she is here?" he whispered, "no...just wish you would have texted me...."

"i know, im sorry" he shook his head, sighing. "um, also, my parents called and I explained kinda the situation simply and they seemed to understand somewhat. I spoke honestly with them about how their words effected me and shit, and they said they would try to stop...well...mostly my mom will try to stop" he laughed, making you smile.

"they want us to go over to their house before they go back home, sometime later this week. I know you have classes and stuff but even if its just for one night over there, ill drive you to school in the morning if you need" he added.

"okay, we will work it out, im proud of you for sticking up for yourself" you laughed softly, making him look down shyly. "did you take your medication today?" you remembered to ask suddenly

he looked up at you and pressed his lips together before hesitantly shaking his head, "uh...I forgot.."

you sigh, "okay, lets go take it" you grabbed his hand and went back into the kitchen, brushing past annie to get to the medicine cabinet.

You took notice of how the girl eyed you and your hand against his, making you smirk to yourself. Even if you and tae were just friends, you knew no one would ever be able to squeeze between you both, not kaito nor annie.

"here, bubs" you whisper, handing him his pill and a water bottle

"whats that?" annie spoke up, cutting up apples on your good cutting board you didnt even get to use yet, making your eye twitch.

"allergy meds" taehyung spoke up, taking a sip of water as you look back at him with sympathetic eyes, his face telling you to just not say anything. His ADHD was something he assumed he should be ashamed of, something people would always use to blame his behavior on.

He didnt want to be that, he just wanted to be Taehyung.

Annie nodded and patted her hands on her apron before moving to the next thing, engaging in conversation with taehyung. "so what were you saying before she came in?" she asked, catching you off guard as you threw your hands up and walked over to tidy the living room area.

"Oh I was just talking about the art thing and how-"

"tae.." you stopped fluffing the pillows to turn to him, making annie sigh as you once again interrupted their conversation.

"what?" he looked around, confused.

"why arent you working? todays a work day?"

"oh, uh-...."

Annie smiled, "I didnt know you had a job, where do you work?"

Tae looked between the two of you before speaking up, "well...I used to work at this buisn-"

"used to? you got fired??" you walked over and held his arm

"no no....I quit, like....last week" he huffed, seeming relieved to get it off his chest. "tae, why did you, what?? why would you do that?" you looked at him seriously, knowing that there was no income for you two anymore.

"because I plan to apply for college again, I have a whole thing in the works, y/n, I promise, I didnt just do it on a whim" he spoke quickly

"y/n, he can handle himself" annie sarcastically spoke with a smile

"kindly leave please, him and I need to talk" you finally looked back at her, making her plead to taehyung.

"what? but we were doing something!" she puts the rolling pin down when tae shrugged, "im sorry annie, ill text you okay?" he walked her out before apologizing again and shutting the door.

"well aint she the sweetest" you scoff and collapse on the couch. "come here please" you spoke calmly, wanting to approach this correctly. Taehyung walked over slowly and sat on the couch next to you, keeping his body close and away from you.

You took a deep breath in and looked at him, "tae, honey, why did you do that?"

he shrugged, sighing.

"look at me"

he turned his head around to you after a few seconds, revealing the tears in his eyes. "tae..."

you are quick to wrap him into your arms, "its ok, im not mad. I just wish you told me, everything makes more sense now" you mumble

"Im sorry for not saying anything, I was just so unhappy working there and I just had to leave" he chokes out, face hidden into your shoulder. your hand finds his hair as he gently pulls away.

"i'll find a side job or something, but I really am serious about this school thing" he quickly muttered as you wiped his tears.

"Its okay...I can probably pick up tutoring for Mrs.Chin again, she pays well and if I do it after classes everyday it'll probably be enough to sustain rent" you sigh, rubbing his arm.

you watched as the boys face was filled with regret and sadness, making your heart split in two. "dont tell my parents, please" he whispers

"no...of course not" you smile lightly, "ive learned my lesson"

Taehyung laughed and leaned back against the end of the couch, head looking up at the ceiling. "so....we can talk more later if you like, but for now lets go finish making that apple pie" you leaned into him jokingly, making him laugh.

You two got up and walked into the kitchen "why did you let her use my cutting board" you pouted

"im sorry" he smiled shyly "If it counts, I know nothing about how to bake, and if I was the one making the pie we would all be food poisoned."

you laughed, "i'll teach you"

-

You two sat in Taehyungs bedroom, both eating a slice of apple pie as he played some game on his Xbox, you watching.

"so..." you began, scarping your fork on your plate. "art, huh?"

he paused his game and turned to you, smiling, "what?"

"youre passionate about it?"

"yeah, I suppose" he shrugged, watching you get up and walk over to his desk. "I saw these on instagram, they are actually quite nice" you added, eyeing them over as he came up behind you. "yeah, those were just some doodling to be honest." he itched his neck.

"but uh, im working on something big. Can I show you?" he spoke, watching you nod before pulling a canvas from his closet and placing it down.

The sketch included an empty, bare forest of trees in the center of a town square, details to a perfect ten on even the smallest things. "Its not done, not in the slightest but..."

"woah.....holy shit tae, you...wow" you were actually in awe. You knew he liked art, but this was beyond anything youve seen from him, it genuinely made you feel something. "this is really beautiful, is this pencil work?"

"thank you" he mumbled shyly, a blush on his face, "yeah, its pencil, I plan to add color to everything but the tree, itll remain black and white." he spoke, looking it over himself.

"does it mean anything?" you pondered aloud.

"well...its like this, trees lose everything they have in the winter, no leaves no flowers, nothing, right?" he spoke as you listened, "yet they still are just...there, while everything continues to progress and move around them, because they know if they wait, whats theirs will grow back."

"wow...." you said again, truly speechless by his work. Clearly you underestimated him, because this is beyond anything youve seen.

He looked at you lovingly before clearing his throat and putting it away again, "yeah... its for this art contest that Annie told me about. Winner gets like, a cash prize, im not sure how much, but it doesnt matter because they also win a trip to a really cool art museum in Paris" he looked back at you.

"Paris?...wow tae, I have no doubts you will win this"

"dont jinx it" he teased, walking back to his chair.

you put your hands up in defense, giggling. "so is it an art show?" you asked, following him

"yeah, I was actually gonna ask if you wanted to come....the exhibit is all this week and I plan on going on friday....was gonna ask if you'd wanna come with?" he spoke quietly, hopeful tone evident.

"hmm..I would love to" you smiled and grabbed his plate to clear, heading towards the kitchen

"oh, also...." he sat up, making you turn to him. "whats up?" you ask,

"I know this is kinda odd, but would you mind if you just...like, slept in here tonight?"

your eyes widened at him, making him feel like he overstepped

"I shouldnt have said that im sorry, I just didnt sleep last night and I always fall asleep quickly with you"

you giggled quietly, "no its okay, ill sleep here alright?" you watched his face light up , nodding

"thank you..."

-

"what happened to your arm?" tae asked as you climbed into his bed and shut the light off.

"what do you mean?" you were confused, sitting the side opposite of him. Taehyung pointed to your wrist, oh...yeah, that.

"oh I burnt myself, curling iron. wasnt paying attention" you sighed as he frowned. "be careful, ok?"

you nodded, "ok"

once you both were in and under the covers, the silence was welcoming. To be fair, you slept best here too, and the last time you laid here the circumstances were completely different, so it was a bit weird.

You laughed to yourself when you heard his soft snores after a few minuets, he wasnt joking. you lifted your arm and raised your fingers across your wrist.

be careful

there was so much to be careful about, and if only he knew the full extent of it.

You looked over at the sleeping boy next to you before turning to your side and closing your eyes, allowing yourself to just be here, in his bed, in this very moment, because it gave you the safety and comfort you needed so badly

be careful .....

taglist-

@turnthepageandbeburnt

@taebangtanbabe

@kthstrawberryshortcake-main

@borahaexoxo

@lelefoodlover

@tan-veee

[hannieehaee]

Idk if this is appropriate or not (feel free if this is something you don't want to answer) but as a casual kpop stan who really only stans seventeen and listens to other kpop artists on a somewhat frequent basis I just feel as though seventeen is reaching their peak in a way that's far from satisfying. Like idk if this makes sense but to me it seems as tho the members are struggling to keep out of "scandals" with mingyu's incident last year, minghao/seoksoon being labeled as fat phobic earlier this year over out of context clips and now with Joshua (he's not even close to being my favorite member but these rumors and pregnancy stories are honestly making me so upset rn) ...as a fan who feels a genuine attachment to these people it's hard for me to be happy because while Ik the boys deserve every good thing coming their way fame comes with a price and that price is what I'm worried about. Like I get that Pledis isn't SM and seventeen definitely see themselves as family unlike NCT who view themselves more as colleagues I'm so scared that Joshua will eventually leave like Lucas or heaven forbid anything more drastic happens. It's just that I always see these "we could never save them" posts but then the same people who post them also comment the worst things forgetting that idols are humans too. I'm super sorry for the long ask but I just read that jeonghan got hurt and that made me think of the rest of the members and everything else they've been going thru. I'm not even the type of person to get attached to people I barely know but with Seventeen it's like I'm really and honestly praying for their success because they seem that THAT genuine group of people who are just trying their best. Sorry for the rambling

i get what ur saying. dont worry abt sending a long ask! ur welcome to rant abt svt in my inbox whenever! honestly i havent stanned for too long so idk how things were before this past year but i do worry for them lately :/ theyre getting injured too often and they get no rest. i dont like how pledis/hybe are managing them at all. theyve been constantly touring japan very repeatedly for seemingly no good reason at all which has obviously tired them out (theyve been dropping like flies, LITERALLY). pledis had the opportunity to promote them in ways that didnt involve constant performances but have just chosen not to for some reason. i really hope they get to rest soon (unlikely tho since theyre likely gonna have a world tour next year).

about the joshua thing. i feel sosososo bad for him. idk and idc if hes really dating that girl honestly. i do feel like it was kinda dumb of her to consistently post herself in the same places/clothes as him if they really wanted to keep it a secret BUT neither of them deserved the hate/scrutiny they got for it. not even with the pregnancy thingy on her stories. i don't think joshua and lucas' situations are comparable whatsoever since joshua has not done anything wrong unlike lucas. im hoping pledis somehow protects him better but thats unlikely. i dont think any member of svt will ever leave bc as u said, theyre family. cant rlly compare to nct tho lol bc i only stan svt so idk any other groups' dynamics like that. i do get what ur saying tho i have friends who stan nct and svt and theyve said to me that they do see a drastic difference in dynamics between the two groups but thats neither here nor there.

lastly, i have the best hopes for svt. they keep saying theyll only go up from here and i believe that. idk how that will play out with military service in consideration or with what seems to be chronic incidents that keep happening to them (gyu, cheol, and han in the past few months) but i trust and hope they'll be okay. they have a very established fanbase and a rlly good support group with one another so i only see good things for them in the future. hope they get at least a month off soon though.

[0xo]

that post about trying to break cycles by being nothing like ur abuser but actually failing to grow better behaviors... (tw lots of talk of suicide and death, mentions of abuse)

really hitting hard rn considering the death of my uncle who hated his (admittedly terrible) father but ended up perpetuating the same exact bullshit onto his wife and kids. and then died bc he couldn't face that fact. like when faced w divorce and the idea of losing his control over his family he... fucked off and died. (still don't have details on how, unsure if it was on purpose but. signs point to...) [AND PREFACING WITH: i do NOT think all people who die by suicide are cowardly or bad people or anything like that. i am talking about a very specific and complicated situation in my own family. please do not interpret this as me saying that all people who die by suicide were bad people/dodging responsibility/could've "worked harder to improve their situation." i know deeply that that is NOT the case, i have been personally impacted by suicide in other ways. i am just discussing one person and the circumstances around his death.]

and of course im sad, we were close once, he is family. ofc im sad he felt dying was better than trying to sort out his life or trying to be a good coparent. but the way he treated his (very sweet, very patient) wife was deeply unacceptable to me. he isolated her, and didn't properly care for his high-support needs autistic kids, and pinned it all on her. he was terrible to my mother and forced all my grandma's end of life care on my mother. he hurt us a lot with his behavior.

and like. i don't think he necessarily deserved to die bc of it, right? he had his own issues, he cut himself off too and refused help from everyone, these problems run in the family and he knew that and still wouldn't accept help. and you can't MAKE anyone accept help. but i can't help but think that if he'd, maybe, been open to the people who loved him, he could've... restructured. he was so smart, so clever, so creative! he could've done anything he wanted to, he was so good at anything he tried.

and yet. in trying to avoid being like his father. he ended up doing all the same things. and i think that was too much for him to handle. and i hate that, i hate that so much.

he leaves behind two brilliant, brilliant children - they're SO CLEVER. but he couldn't accept their support needs and didn't treat them well. they don't even know he's dead yet, i don't think. but they love him, and he saw them as manipulative and trying to intentionally ruin his life. they're small children. they haven't even developed the capability to manipulate yet, they just want some chocolate milk, right? and yet he compared those kids to his father.

it just hurts. this wasn't necessary. my poor fucking mum is now an orphan with two dead siblings. how is she meant to deal with all this? how is she supposed to reconcile the grief of his needless death with the absolutely shit way he treated her and their mother?

luckily we love his widow very much and we will make sure she and the kids are okay. but i truly don't understand anything. it just sucks balls to watch someone ruin their own life and leave a giant fucked up mess behind. and then everyone's saying sorry and apologizing for my loss, like i didn't lose him years ago, like we were still close, like i'm not angry with the way he treated the people around him. we grew up like siblings. but that connection was basically severed when he started acting like a jackass. i don't know how to respond to people trying to comfort me. they all assume i'm really really sad, and i am, but i'm also pissed off, and i don't think anyone knows what to do with that.

because you're not supposed to be pissed at someone for dying, especially if it's probably suicide, you're meant to be tragically sad. you're not supposed to say they were wrong, you're supposed to apologize for being wrong and not seeing the signs earlier, you're supposed to be sorry. and you're not supposed to speak ill of the dead, even if they were fucking complicated, you're meant to shove all those negative emotions aside to grieve the good of them.

and i do grieve the good of him! i grieve the family member he could've been if he had actually broken cycles! but i'm fucking angry. you don't get to treat everyone around you like shit and then kill yourself to get out of being remembered as an asshole. it doesn't work like that. you're still an asshole, now you're just dead and can't take responsibility for fucking up people's lives. i'm sorry he felt that was the best way out. AND good god, he was a grown man with every opportunity to improve himself. and he chose to stagnate and be fucking mean. dying in a shit way doesn't erase that.

and like, listen, i understand that people are complicated. i don't think everyone who dies by suicide is an asshole. MOST people who do were genuinely failed by the people and systems around them, they weren't bad people, they were in bad situations. they didn't have help or a way out. it's not inherently selfish or evil, it's fucking devastatingly sad.

and mental illness is complicated and hard. like. hm. i don't think it's his fault he was fucked up, it runs heavy in our family, he was traumatized too. but. he talked so much about growing past that and then just... didn't. he had support, he had a good therapist, he talked the talk. and didn't walk the walk AT ALL. he treated people like dirt. and i understand that certain illness our family is prone to, they make it extremely hard to get or accept help, okay? i get that. i really do. but you can't just fall back on mental illness and trauma as an excuse for financially/emotionally abusing your wife and neglecting-to-the-point-of-abusing your children. it wasn't okay when his dad did it and it's not okay that he did it. and what makes it worse is that he was so aware of how fucked up his childhood made him, and self-aware enough to superficially recognize his own faults, but not enough to change how he interacted with people. why must these cycles continue! why!

i'm so angry and so sad. i don't even know my cousins well because he was so ashamed of how poorly he treated them that he cut us off from them. he hated my mum and so held me at arm's length to avoid interacting with her in any capacity. they're sweet kids...

anyways. sorry. im just so so so so so so so so so tired of death in my family and abuse cycles. im so tired in general and these giant unnameable unfathomable emotions don't help. i feel like the suicide element makes it even harder to talk about, because i sound like an absolute cunt for saying any of this to people who don't know the situation. nothing about it is simple. nothing about it is easy. i don't know what to do anymore at all tbh!!!!!!

[mothfishing]

i never read tlt myself but i have a bunch of friends who have and have been begging me to read it to and so i’m super confused ??? i have never heard about the racism…

anonymous asked: can u tell me about the racist elements of tlt... id never heard this before and i follow a lot of people who talk about the series a lot

anonymous asked: I hope this isn't rude but what even is the deal w the locked tomb. I remember vaguely hearing abt it being like "the best shit ever" and then that it had some really intense scenes/Themes then learning the creator was a grade A creep and then like nothing. What is even going on in the book???

yeah ofc! lumping all three of you's questions together since it's essentially the same one (also at #3 it's not rude)

oh god where do i start...so i read the first book and hated it pretty early on, but my intention had been to read the entire series so i could more completely express what was so grimy about it, since this book gets a lot of praise. despite my best efforts it was too rancid and i stopped partway through book 2.

thus i'll focus on book 1 criticisms first cause that's the book i finished, but i do have some series-wide criticisms as well. warnings for racism, pedophilia, ableism:

the author has this absolute obsession with physical features, and in particular she frequently praises features associated with whiteness while denigrating features associated with people of color. like constantly constantly constantly you see blue, purple, and hazel eyes given loving descriptions like amethyst, violet, while brown eyes are almost exclusively compared to dirt whenever they're mentioned.

only two characters in the first book are described as brown-skinned, jeannemary and colum. jeannemary is a "brown, bricklike thing", and colum is a yellow-brown lump. gideon's own personality is stupid horny idiot who's only good for her strength, which uh...A Choice given that, while she isn't described as brown in the first book, the cover art does still depict her with brown skin and harrow with light skin.

i'll also note that colum and one other character, silas, are both from the eighth house. outside of the book muir said they were both white, but in-book they're quite frankly associated with caricatures of east asian people to the extent that best case scenario is she used said caricatures to prop up her depiction of white people you weren't meant to like. like........in particular i wanna note silas constantly reciting religious mantras, as well as their description as "violently servile", which is so strongly associated w caricatures of east asian people. and once again she literally describes colum as yellow,

the post didn't mention it bc i wrote it in 2 seconds out of frustration, but it's also astonishingly ableist to the point where, while reading, i got frustrated and made a list of every time a symptom came up so gideon could insult whoever had it................arthritis, osteoporosis, blindness, hyperthyroidism, all of these came up as insults. "oh but the first three are because they're old" do you have to bring up conditions associated with elderly people???

plus cytherea is a character with a romantic terminal illness, constantly described as beautiful because of her frail (and white, blond, blue-eyed) body...im disabled myself i'm not saying disabled people can't be described as beautiful/hot/etc, but it felt fetishistic here and like the focus was less on her personhood and more on how she was weak and "rescuable" basically.

i'll also note the age gap between palamedes and dulcinea, people who literally met when they were 8 and 15, which was romanticized as "oh dulcinea took his feelings seriously because she's used to not being taken seriously because of her illness :)"

now series-wide...i didn't get to this myself so i don't have a whole lot to elaborate here, but the whole thing is a christian imperial empire run by a māori man and i just don't trust a white kiwi with that sorry.

also-also i'm not a lesbian/wlw at all myself, but friends of mine who are read the book with me and we noted gideon was. not even butch. both her presentation and protector role had been foisted upon her by someone who did not let her forget she owned her. everyone talking abt lesbian rep and then the main couple is a master and servant whose culminating arc in the first book is gideon becoming the perfect servant...also once again, harrow is light skinned and gideon is brown skinned.

finally, tamsyn muir has written even more explicit creep shit so i just genuinely don't know why it is she got popular in the first place. you don't need to know this to despise her work, but wow! (sorry to the person whose reblog this is, op deleted)

[angelicpersonals]

Personal Vent pt.1

This is about friendships and just general life lately I think from now on im gonna use 💚 in discord for friends that I know are green flags I can always count on and trust. Was tempted to also do ❤️ for those I know I can't but then it might be obvious im doing red flag green flag.

So lately I realized some friends just make me uncomfy. Ill be really honest. I see everyones flaws, including my own. I just don't bring up other peoples flaws because I find it rude to do unless they hurt me or someone else bc jfc.

I ask people very clearly "Just tell me when you aren't feeling up to listening to anything negative, be it when we share-trauma dump or gossip about drama. Whatever. " Like I know boundaries, I know how to respect them. But they have to be told to me ffs.

However people rather than tell me do one of two things A. never say anything until it boils over and turned into drama later B. delay saying anything until randomly hitting me mid convo (A MUTUAL CONVO BTW) with borderline shaming / self victimization even tho THEY were just trauma dumping on me and I was just relating back. WHY IS IT SO HARD TO OFF THE BAT TELL ME WHAT YOU CAN AND CANT HANDLE. For F*CKS SAKE. But nah instead you pile on me later on like I purposefully did it to you guilting and shaming me. Nice real nice.

For context: My friend lets call them R. Trauma dumps to me A LOT, I relate to them with my own trauma. Its how we bonded in the first place, we talk about plenty other topics and leading up to this I was wholly open and honest about my boundaries and encouraged the same and even respected the few shared with me. Well I get hit yesterday with this whole f*cking "Oh yeah dont talk to me about this topic it makes me feel really horrible to hear about this thing or talk about it. Respect my boundaries." then went into a whole spiel about how they have had so many "sh*tty friends who dont" The boundaries YOU NEVER TOLD ME THE BOUNDARIES I ASKED ABOUT 9 TIMES PRIOR to make sure you were okay with it in previous convos? The topic YOU started unprompted? The topic YOU trauma dumped on? The topic we have been on NUMEROUS times before and you had weeks of constant chatting to say something and NEVER did? Straight up they could have said "Hey sorry im usually okay with this but aint feeling it today" But ffs comparing me to their ex friends out of the blue as thought im purposefully messing with them. When THEY were the one who INITIATED, THEY were the one who asked me questions on the topic THEY were the one who wouldn't tell me PRIOR about these boundaries.

I talk to a few friends about this. They push the blame on me telling me I have to ask more about boundaries. Like im sorry did yo uall miss the fact THEY INTIATED IT AND EGGED ME INTO THE CONVO? or no?

I f*cking hate most my friends, there I said it. They make me feel like sh*t I'll leave pt.1 here and make a pt.2

[songmingisthighs]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHSHSHHSSHS I SWEAR IVE TURNED INTO A MANIAC BC OF YOU AND ODLN!WOO BUT MAINLY YOU!!!!!!! NO WAY ODLN!WOO ACTUALLY DID THAT!!! IM SHOCKED BUT BOT SURPRISED!!! I WANT TO SAY I THINK ODLN!WOO WINS THE HATE BC NO WAY!!! BUT ALSO IM SO HAPPY THAT ODLN!YEO FINALLY WOKE UP!!!! about time you little ghost😭😭 gawd i hope mc and him get the happy ending they deserve! also, if so glad that his parents are finally letting mc into their and their son’s life. i’m genuinely glad that the boys vouched for her and told them the truth about odln!woo and mc. though i feel like the parents should apologize to her! and no little ass “sorry” will cut it. if it were me, if i were in their shoes, one, i’d be embarrassed and two, forever apologetic/“in debt” with mc. embarrassed that i accused the wrong person and never actually trying to investigate any further. then embarrassed again bc i assumed the worst of the same person without further investigating. second, i would not stop apologizing to her bc she really wasn’t responsible for either of his accidents. i’d apologize for assuming the worst, for telling her all those horrid things, and for not noticing how differently she was being treated compared to odln!woo. because honestly, the way her parents treated her so she would apologize to odln!yeo shouldn’t have been overlooked. i mean, think of it this way; had it been odln!woo, they would immediately assume it wasn’t him. they would have been fighting odln!yeo’s parents to defend him. therefore, had i been them, i would’ve thought it was weird. maybe not so much because one could think the parents were disciplining their daughter. but still, it doesn’t sit right with me bc there’s just signs ??? it’s just that no one paid any attention. now, i would also feel in indebted to her because she literally saved my son in many ways that i could even comprehend, even if only one of those times is known to me. anywho, imma stop here bc im just ranting fr.😺🏃🏽‍♀️

THE SPIRIT BOX HAS BEEN SET FREEEEEEE

BUT HOW COULD YOU GROUP ME WITH ODLN!WOO !?!?!?!? I'M GLAD I TURNED YOU CUCKOO BUT ODLN!WOO !?!?!?!?!? THAT'S A PUNCH IN THE DICK 😤😤😤

as much as i hate odln!yeo's parents for being so damn mean to (y/n), i kinda understand them ??? like if the roles were reversed and (y/n) had better parents or yknow just have granny jung and leo in her life, both granny jung and leo would go apeshit crazy on odln!yeo so yeah they owe her an apology but only for hitting her and calling her all sorts of hurtful names but not for defending their own son bc odln!yeo DID almost died and they do what OVERLY loving parents do. jump to conclusions and hold onto whatever explanation is available

but let us first be glad that odln!yeo is back and that now he can start making things up to (y/n) !! >:D

[captainshyguy]

for the salty ask meme! - 1 and 19!

aa ty kat! ^^ these are fun ones lol 1. What OTPs in your fandom(s) do you just not get?

hmmm since we're saying otp im gonna try for at least semi pooular ones ive seen people go for

hollow kight- quirrel/t*so sorry y'll like get better taste lemm is right there. also l*ce/horet like....bro we dont even kow her yet. i worry that she wotn live up to peopes expectatiosn and they'll get really salty lol

spm- dim*mi and dim*gi both do prtoulrly nothing for me and i find the latter especially boggling

19. What is the one thing you hate most about your fandom?

huehueue [puts on my little bitch gloves]

hollow knight- the vast majority of people characterise ghost horribly and seem very convinnced about somethig that is literally not confirmed to be canon, and theres' a line that heavily implies what they think isnt the case. they all still believe it aywaya bc 'uwuwu short feral gremlin babbeyyyyyy. little babbybyy tiny child creecher heheheh 'like can u like afford them some dignity and autonomy or are they just a little animal to you guys

spm- basically no one in this fandom listes to each other they just yell into the void about their thoughts and their feelings and igore people and talk at them. do better fandom jesus christ, build an actual community and listen to ur fellow fans, jesus!!!

tcw- i havent been involved in a long time but whe i was people were horrible at characterisaing fives sorry gkjsngkjds, idk if this is still an issue but making him out to be hardcase two and being so silly and stupids areound the ship is. not the perosn he is. he rocks the boat on important issues because he cares deeply about his and his brothers autonomy, and doig the right thing, he's alos not a chaos gremlin

pokemon- people are so mean and basic about subtle shinies even when a lot of them actually look bettee tha nthe og like m sorry i'd rather have a seel that is a slightly more pleasant cream colour than making it bright eyesearing pink man. yes some subtle shinies suck, but not bc they're subtle! sometmes the palette just looks bad, dont compare it to the og! shiny sunkern looks way better for example!