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lilacjaemin · 6 years ago

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sublatis ancoris et margarita

pairing: pirate!jeno x gender neutral reader (bulleted)

genre: fluff and angst

word count: 2.8k

summary: sublatis ancoris et margarita (latin): anchor and pearl

a/n: this is the first time ive been able to write something so easily in such a long time. this one just kinda flowed out of me. ive been in such a terrible creative rut lately. it means a lot to me that this one came together. i was very scared i was losing my ability to write. im so so proud of this one.

pirate jeno

he’s sailed for as long as he can remember

he’s pretty sure he was conceived and born on a ship

he learned to walk on the wobbly deck of his father’s boat

which resulted in him having to get his land legs, rather than the other way around

jeno was attached to the ocean

sea water ran through his veins

he came from a long line of sailors

but he wasn’t a violent pirate

the lee family wasn’t after power, and they already were wealthy

they truly just loved sailing

the art and everything that came along with it

they loved to travel the seas and visit new places

discovering new islands and finding pretty things along the way

sure, sometimes they found treasure and sold it for money

sometimes they kept the treasures for mementos

but they never fought or got into trouble

the crew was intimating enough to where they didn’t have to fight

the ship was ginormous and beautifully crafted

intricate flowers on the side

plus with 18 men onboard just to keep jeno safe and a big crew

what small boat would even go near them

they pushed themselves to travel farther, go on longer voyages, find shinier, bigger jewels

jeno loved jewels and precious stones

he loved the meaning behind them

whenever his family found them amongst the treasures, they would immediately go to jeno

pearls became his favorite

not only were they something beautiful created from something rough

but different colored pearls represented different things

some meant perfection, prosperity, love, protection, etc

he loved the idea of giving them as gifts and the look on people’s faces as he told them the symbolism

and he always carried pearls with him

once his parents had gotten older they decided to stay on land for the rest of their days

they handed the ship and crew down to jeno

now captain of The Flora

his friends adored him and the crew respected him

he didn’t think he could be happier than he was on the open ocean

from time to time in between journeys jeno would visit his family

he thought the small village where they settled down was adorable

he couldn’t find a place like it no matter where he sailed

it was a quaint island and a tight knit community

small houses and businesses lining the cobblestone streets

lanterns and candles on every corner, casting an amber glow across the whole town

at first the townspeople were afraid of him

a huge ship docked at the edge of their tiny shore, and what seemed to be at least 100 scary pirates filing off of the deck

it really was about 30 lanky men who enjoyed singing sea shanties in their free time

but jeno’s warm smile and honey like voice immediately put them at ease

kids would run out to the beach when The Flora came into view

they gravitated towards the lure of a pirate lifestyle

johnny and yukhei loved to bring the children on board and let them explore

yuta and doyoung loved to show them the bounties they brought in

renjun and donghyuck told them ghost pirate stories while kun and jaemin were there to comfort afterwards

everyone greeted the crew of The Flora with big smiles each time they entered their shops

sometimes he’d be bearing gifts, other times they would send him off with goods for his travels

although he loved the town and his parents, he could never stay away from the sea for too long

it was like it called to him

the freedom he felt was like no other

funnily enough, jeno hated anchors

anchors meant being tied down, having to pick a place to stay

the idea of being somewhere for longer than a few days made his skin crawl

that is, until he met you

you worked in the small outpost for sea trade your family owned

the little shed was tucked into the rocks by the beach

you watched every time The Flora pulled in

you hoped one day your dream of a handsome pirate would come true

but anytime one walked in they reeked of fish, had unkempt hair and stained clothes

yeah you didn't want to kiss any of those bearded faces

you thought you saw some cute boys leave the ship but you had never gone out to meet any of them

you kinda hoped they would come by instead

one day you were writing in your journal, daydreaming to the sounds of the waves you grew to love so much

someone knocked on the door to get your attention

when you looked up, you were breathless

he walked in with sun kissed skin, saltwater making his hair curly

he wore a white button up blouse with lace details at the collar and sleeves

black pants and tall, black boots

his smile was unlike anything you had ever seen

he had clean teeth!! white teeth!! who knew pirates could have nice teeth!!

and his eyes

his eyes sparkled and when he grinned at you his eyes turned into crescent moons reflecting off the water

he was beautiful

you introduced yourselves

you found yourself rolling his name over and over on your tongue quietly

little did you know he was doing the same

he showed you the few silver treasures he had hoping to sell them

among them was a small anchor pendant he had received from a blacksmith on a far away island

jeno noticed how your eyes lingered on it a little too long

his gaze moved from your awestruck expression to the journal you had been writing in when he entered

an anchor was stamped into the front of the brown leather cover

before you turned back to count up how much he would be getting, he pulled the charm back into his sleeve

“oh, how did that get in there? this isn't for sale, im sorry about that.” he mumbled

he saw your face fall slightly, as you had planned to buy it back from your father once it was the store’s

you two had a small conversation and exchanged the items for money

your hand brushed against his and his skin was dry from the salt and sun, but it still made your heart skip a beat

he bowed a little and thanked you for your kindness

you tried your hardest to wipe the longing from your face as you watched him head back to the boat

jeno entered the captain's quarters with a feeling in his chest he couldn't explain

as he began to put the money away, mark, a crew member he had known since he was little, walked by

he noticed the change in jeno immediately and asked him if he felt okay

the younger boy nodded, hoping the red on his face would be mistaken for sunburn

he made his way to his parents house, determined to find out more about you

after many questions and “no reason, just wondering” responses, jeno was even more intrigued

he made a note in his mind

new voyage, new treasure

jeno returned a few times, each time flirtier than the last

some days he didn’t even bring any treasures, visiting under the pretense of “just checking your stock”

“jeno, you’re the only ship at the island, how could we have new stock?”

“well you know, someone could've docked overnight or something...”

you two became fast friends

you loved hearing of his adventures, he just loved talking to you

now you just expected him to be there each morning

you didn't expect for him to be holding a sweet from the bakery, however

“is this okay? we've never talked about our favorite foods and i didn't know what to get you but if not i can go back-”

“jeno, it’s perfect.”

each time you interrupted his rambles you loved to watch his furrowed brows smooth out and see his mouth pull up in a grin

he was always worried he was doing something wrong

but you were always there to reassure him

one morning, he arrived surprised to find you asleep on the counter

he smiled, taking in your features

he hesitantly raised his hand to push your hair away from your face, hoping not to startle you

as his fingertips brushed your cheek, he heard the message loud and clear ringing between his ears

you were the most beautiful thing he had ever laid eyes on

you woke up to jeno staring down at you

lovingly?

he apologized profusely for waking you

you explained profusely that it was okay

he cleared his throat

"i was wondering if i could see you,” he started

“like, see you somewhere other than your job. maybe i could take you out tonight,”

your heart thumped against your ribs

“i mean only if you’d like to,” he scratched the back of his neck, realizing this was a little sudden considering you just woke up

“and it would seem a little weird if a scary pirate took you on his ship for the night and i dont want your family to freak out, so do you know of a place we could go? only if you want to-”

“jeno, i do.”

his face lit up like the summer sun

“you do?”

it took all of his self control to not hug you right then and there

“i do, and i know just the place we can go.”

jeno glowed all day

that night as the sun dipped below the horizon you led jeno to the top of the rocks above your outpost

you two talked under the stars for hours

you didn't leave until you knew you were barely gonna be able to function at work the next day

you felt a light in your chest that wasn't there before

jeno became a part of your routine

he’d greet you each morning, go off to do “pirate business” as he put it, and meet you at your spot each night

you found yourself opening up to this “intimidating” pirate and questioned if this was the right thing to do

soon it became impossible to watch the night sky without holding him

he’d tuck you under his chin and you'd wrap your arms around his waist

your ear pressed to his chest gave you your new favorite sound

the waves were drowned out by his heartbeat and the vibrations of his voice

just having him near felt warm and safe and right

he wasnt scary, or anything like anyone you'd met before

he was just jeno

jeno with sun dried skin and soft moon eyes and lips you desperately wanted to know the taste of

jeno with incredible stories of islands and treasure that you desperately wanted to be a part of

but what was scary was falling for him so quickly

“im so sorry,” he whispered into your hair one night

you felt your eyes shut, knowing what was coming, expecting it

you knew he was a traveler, you couldn't take that away from him

you would be an anchor

a burden

he had already stayed on your island for a month, he was going to have to go back out eventually

and it would hurt both of you

you couldn't leave home forever

and he couldn't stay forever

you began to push him away

you would say hi in the mornings and leave your spot early on into the nights

you'd force yourself to get out of his grasp and trudge away with a heavy weight on your shoulders

and jeno swore he could hear his heart break in his chest

when he watched you come up with excuses to leave the rocks each night he wished on every star in the sky that things would be okay

he knew what you were doing, and it was terrifying

for the first time in his life, brave pirate jeno was afraid of something

losing you

you pushed him away night after night, closing yourself off to him

you wouldn't let him hold you close, you barely spoke

‘just until he leaves,’ you kept telling yourself, ‘once he's gone it’ll be easy to forget him’

the night before his ship was scheduled to go, he was already at your spot when you arrived

jeno waited until you sat down beside him, staring off at the water as he spoke

“i've never had a home,” he started

‘this was it,’ you thought, ‘he’s gonna sail away and take my heart with him’

“ive traveled all over the ocean. ive stopped at countless places. ive met so many people,”

“ive never had a home. ive never wanted to stay anywhere for more than a few weeks. there never was any reason to,”

‘here it comes’ you felt like you were going to fall and tumble into the sea below

he turned to face you, a look written across his features you've never seen before

“you are my home.”

what?

you waited, not realizing you were holding your breath until he began again

“you are my home. home isn't a place, its a person, a feeling. and i would stay anywhere if it meant being with you. i would stay forever if forever was in your arms.”

“jeno-”

“please hear me out.” his voice cracked with an emotion you couldn't pin, fear? urgency?

“i know its unfair. its unfair that i did this to you. i leave. i fell for you and forgot that leaving is what i do. i cant ask you to come with me. but if you want me to stay, id give the ship to one of my men and stay right here with you.”

“jeno you-”

“please let me finish.”

“ive been attacked by other pirates, ive been on a sinking ship, ive sailed through shark infested water, but ive never been as scared as i am right now.”

he picked up your hand and placed it over his heart

it was beating just as fast as yours

“you are the greatest treasure i could ever find. i love you and i would be foolish to leave you on this island in search of more silver cups or red rubies-”

you pulled on his shirt and brought his mouth to yours

his lips were chapped but they tasted of coconut

they were warm against your own

he moved slowly, bringing his hand up to cup your cheek

his other hand found yours resting against his chest

the rhythm of your kiss matching that of the waves kissing the shoreline

“jeno-” you whispered against him, pulling away just enough to see into his eyes

“i can’t ask you to give up sailing, but i love you too much to let you go. i can wait for you. i can stay here and be yours, and you can be mine, and when you come home ill still be yours. ill always be yours. i can-”

this time it was his turn to quiet your rambling

he pushed you to lay back onto the rock and pressed open mouth kisses to different parts of your lips

he kissed you for what felt like hours, until your lips were puffy and red and you two were breathless

he helped you sit up and then he rested his forehead on yours

“i have something for you.”

you couldn't imagine how he could make your heart happier than it already was

he reached into his pocket and placed his hand inside yours, depositing the small anchor pendant into your palms

it was on a beautiful silver chain, and when you examined it closely, there were now two small pearls on the tips of the anchor

“the black pearl represents protection,” jeno opened the clasp to place it around your neck, “i will always keep you safe.”

you turned around and felt yourself shiver

at his words or his breath against your skin you didn't know

“the blue pearl symbolizes true love.” he said into the shell of your ear, pressing a small kiss to it

he held you until the sunrise, falling asleep to the sound of your heart

when he woke the next morning, you were still there, fingers intertwined with his

he knew you'd always be there

you always were there

you sent jeno off with a full heart and the taste of coconut lingering in your mouth

but you knew he’d be back

he always came back

anytime you missed him you touched your necklace

anytime he missed you he would write you letters in your brown leather notebook

sometimes he took you on small trips to nearby islands and you got to watch your boyfriend in action

you became his pearl, his greatest treasure

and when The Flora did return from voyages, the kids still lined up, the townspeople still smiled, and you still felt your heart race

jeno, a little sunburnt and homesick? yes, but leaving?

never

you also became his anchor, but it wasn’t such a terrible thing to stop and stay for a little while

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spockandawe · 6 years ago

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Hmm. I'm not sure how long ago it was when mscott went into greater detail about how/why she'd characterize Knock Out as a fatshamer, etc., so it might be old, but I hust saw it now.

And this whole thing, his character annd her characterization, is actually something I've talked about before, but I thiiiink that the posts are buried deep in forum archives.

Because the thing that gets me, I'm theoretically down for this character flaw. But there's something about the way she'd... implement it. It makes me nope away even harder than if I'd been uncomfortable with the idea in the first place. And I like her writing very, VERY much in some ways, but this isn't the first time she's talked about taao in that way where I'm like yeah, I'm on board with-- noooooOOOOO STOP--

Knock Out, okay. He's got relatively few iterations of his character to define him, but in general? He boils down pretty easily to a vain but charming asshole. And if we've got 'vanity' and we've got 'asshole', BOOM, rich minefield for character flaws. Even charming isn't necessarily a virtue, but Knock Out just becomes even more interesting to me then. He's full of flaws with... limited redeeming features, but he's been a fan favorite from the START, so obviously there's something gold in his character.

And obviously, I don't want to iron all his flaws out of him just because he's a character I adore. I'm never satisfied until I can distill out the worst and best qualities of all my faves. If I'm writing and want to make a character compelling, I can't do that by pretending their flaws don't exist, I have to do it despite their flaws.

So, fat-shaming. That's a loaded topic to start with, and I think for it to work, it'd have to be handled with some serious delicacy and/or subtlety. And I think that's where ny first problem is with mscott's posts. Honestly, trying to do this in a comic, with limited panels and limited dialogue and no descriptions of the action? Without derailing the overall plot? I kind of think that's a losing proposition. You lose so much subtle body language in that medium, where something in motion or in prose could convey more easily.

But for a comic, dealing with a cast of characters, for Knock Out to subtly ("subtly") shame every person he deals with on the job, that's... going to be cartoonish. If he directly gets shamey with Breakdown, on the regular? Same thing. If his defining feature is 'fat-shaming', he's going to look like a caricature, and I'm going to be yanked out of the comic constantly wondering why anyone puts up with him.

It's not the same issue at all, but consider how your garden-variety casual racist actually IS racist. Not by making race-based jabs at everyone of color they meet. It's more like handwringing over the wrong sorts of people moving into the neighborhood or complaining that immigrants can be good, but these immigrants aren't even trying to assimilate. It's got a layer of plausible deniability on top, even to their own eyes.

So why not a Knock Out who looks a mech up and down and raises his eyebrows and gives Breakdown a look, because you know what I'm talking about, babe, look at how he's let himself go, right? A Knock Out who makes occasional remarks to already-slim mechs like Blurr that he's surprised Blurr hasn't gotten rid of that extra plating yet, but he knows a doctor who provides those sorts of services--

A Knock Out where Breakdown tries to talk to him about this every so often, but Knock Out makes it impossible. He's not saying there's something wrong with them, but I mean, just imagine them trying to participate im a race, right? Anyways, he's only worried for their health, he just thinks people should take care of themselves, and is that really so wrong??

A Knock Out where Breakdown works his way around, determinedly, to communicating 'this hurts me', and Knock Out being genuinely horrified and falling over himself to say no no no, you're absolutely perfect in every way, I love every part of you, you know that, and I'm just talking about them-- And being totally unable to see the hypocrisy there, even when it's right in front of his face.

I'm on mobile, so I think I'm going to cut it off there, but it's... frustrating. I see a lot of potential in there for ways this could be an interesting, nuanced point of character exploration (and growth?), and showing readers the contradictions in a person can be one of the most powerful ways to paint a picture of who they are. But just the description of how mscott would have written it sets off alarm bells in my head. I might come back to this, especially since I think 'low self-esteem breakdown' is an extremely wrong decision, but that'll do for now.

#kobd #knock out #breakdown #taao #maccadam #transformers #knock out x breakdown #breakdown x knock out #meta #fat shaming #maybe i will try to dig up those old posts #i feel like i had more thoughts im forgetting

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samingtonwilson · 8 years ago

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Loot - Part 7 - Jim Kirk

Loot masterlist Word count: 2,734 (GOD WHAT THE HELL) Warnings: language

A/N: let me start off by saying part 8 will be a lot better and will actually push the story along, i just wanted and needed some leonard mccoy in my life. i want to wrap this story up in 10-11 parts so we’ll see if i can actually do that. also the romulan in here is pulled right from memory alpha because im too lazy to look for more somewhere else. i also added uhura to this part because i would die for her. that’s all i guess. ENJOY N LEMME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK! tell me if you want to be tagged, etc.

You sat beside Lieutenant Nyota Uhura on the bridge. The officer usually in that place, Lieutenant Bashir was cooped up in the medbay with something resembling Legionnaires’ disease but of an unknown origin— McCoy assumed it came from the away mission Jim and six others carried out despite advice not to.

The doctor’s advice was sound considering the hostile natives of the planet that forced the away team into hiding. This wouldn’t have been much of a problem had there not been an ongoing storm— that interference rendered Scotty unable to beam the seven officers back on board and forced said seven to fend for themselves food-wise. Usually well-stocked with rations, Jim ensured the crew there would be absolutely no way they would miss any meals. This, of course, was wrong and poor Lieutenant Bashir, who filled the medbay with his groans and winces, likely ingested a foreign bacteria through the planet’s limited water and food supply.

While you were thankful to shadow probably the absolute best xenolinguist in Starfleet Academy history because of Jim’s decision to execute the away mission, his behavior worried you.

You’d always heard that Jim was daring, brave, and adventurous, but each decision he’d made in the last week was made without consideration for consequences. Being the last person to preach that, however, you kept quiet— and it wasn’t as if the two of you were speaking enough for you to say anything in the first place.

“Here— put this in,” Nyota told you, placing her metallic earphone in your hand. She rose from her chair next. “And sit here. I want to play you a recording from a few years ago.”

You nodded and stuck the speaker in your ear, a bobbled portion of it sticking out. You smoothed your hand over your tied hair and slid into her seat as she stood behind you.

You enjoyed Nyota’s company. She was a better teacher than most at the Academy. Her technique, her knowledge, and her humor helped beyond what any class would. Aside from her total brilliance, she was quick-witted, kind when merited, and extremely understanding— not to mention outrageously beautiful.

Her dark hair was usually pulled back and tied out of her striking features, her large brown eyes always lined impeccably with black eyeliner and the thickest frame of eyelashes, and her cappuccino skin managed to glow in even the abysmal lighting of the bridge and the commissary. You had to physically stop yourself from constantly flirting with her— especially around Commander Spock.

She reached over your shoulder and flipped a switch, the screen displaying several sound waves.

“Now, listen carefully. I want you to tell me what you hear— an origin planet of the dialect and a translation.”

You nodded again and listened as she played the recording at a louder volume. You bit down on your bottom lip and leaned forward. “It’s Romulan.”

“What’s it saying?”

You listened carefully and tilted your head a little.

“Setha-tri par trukatha. Setha-ki par trukatha. Setha-mille par trukatha.”

Your eyebrows came together and you repeated the message in your head. “Is it a self-destruction message?”

“Yes!” she said loudly, her hand clapping against your shoulder. She laughed when you winced quietly. “Oh, honey, you’d be surprised how many communications officers actually speak and understand any of the three Romulan dialects. It’s how I got this position— the officer before me couldn’t distinguish Romulan from Vulcan.”

“And he was the primary communications officer?” you snorted.

She motioned for you to move back to your original seat. “I know, I couldn’t believe it either. I guess not everyone has an aptitude for languages like you and I,” she said with a sigh, brushing her hair over her shoulder.

You laughed and sat back. You crossed your legs, setting your arms atop your knee. Your fingers went from being clasped together to twisting one another and the toe of your boot went from bouncing to kicking the air.

You knew your restlessness was a by-product of your anxiety caused by your presence on the bridge— and you thought that domino effect was awfully tiring.

Though the bridge crew was nice enough, Jim constant occupation of the captain’s chair was unnerving. Once aboard the bridge, Captain Mode was his default setting. His arms placed on the armrests so his fingers could dangle off the ends, he would sit with his icy blue eyes narrowed at the large window overlooking open space. He spoke only when he deemed necessary and rarely smiled in the way you were so used to.

As if you didn’t know, Nyota told you this was unlike him. Of course, he would behave as a captain should whilst on the bridge, however, he would rarely snap as he was beginning to and would rarely keep the atmosphere so full of tension. He usually spoke non-stop, expressing his observations to Spock, Chekov, or Sulu— depending on who he thought would be more interested in his musings. She said the behavioral change had come about in just the past two weeks or so.

He seemed vacant.

His eyes felt vacant, his voice sounded vacant, and his smiles appeared vacant. He didn’t look lost or uninterested, nor did he look sad or especially frustrated, he was just absent. Physically there, his features and behavior made you think he’d gone as far as he could in his mind and sat there without the ability to face what was before him. He reminded you of a shell.

You thought he might have sensed the intense emptiness of his actions and tried to make up for it with increasingly risky behavior— as if he was overcompensating.

From the execution of an unendorsed-by-his-crew away mission, to his blatant disregard for Spock’s warnings about the native population by poking the natives’ patience with a stick, Jim seemed to be hoping his riskiness would give his superficial frustration, his disingenuous lack of interest the appearance of substance. Like he really was an angry young man stereotype that thought himself above all else.

It was poor decision-making on his part considering each member of his crew knew him well enough to know he rarely embodied and relied on stereotypes— even you knew him well enough to know that.

But he stuck to it. He remained vacant and continued to overcompensate with bouts of anger and precarious behavior— and you couldn’t help but feel totally responsible.

The thought that you made Jim into the shell he’d assumably become when your intention was to prevent the occurrence of such a thing in the future pushed your tired body to the point of utter exhaustion— an exhaustion too deep for sleep to cure, an exhaustion inching you toward regretting coming on the bridge each morning.

You returned to the bridge like clockwork each day regardless.

You only observed Nyota for three hours and the objective benefits outweighed the subjective cons. Besides, you were beginning to think of going to the bridge and seeing Jim act this way as penance for your mistake-prone, likely blister-covered soul.

At the end of your three hours, you would find relief in solitude. Solitary turbolift ride, solitary walk from the lift to your quarters, solitary evening in your quarters. It was a relief like no other.

However, much to your dismay, today was a bit different.

Unfortunately, you were to head to the medbay for your weekly check-in with McCoy. Although it was only the second time you had one of these appointments, you were tired of them.

You loved Dr. McCoy— he was as funny as he was grumpy, and he was very grumpy— but the idea of needing to be checked over every week to make sure you hadn’t charred another part of your body felt a bit excessive.

As you rose from your chair after saying goodbye to Nyota, you pulled the left sleeve of your shirt to cover the scarring that remained over your palm and fingers and took a deep breath to sooth your lightheadedness.

You smiled at Chekov when you caught his eye as he turned around and silently waved.

He returned the wave, his action gaining Jim’s attention.

Jim twisted his neck a bit, a lock of his otherwise neat blonde hair falling over his forehead. His blue eyes met yours and you watched his eyebrows fall to a neutral position rather than furrowed. His frown straightened out and his usually clenched jaw came loose.

You smiled at him a little, nodding once. The lightheadedness, in turn, grew stronger.

He offered you a similar smile and turned to face the window again.

You took that as your cue to rush to the lift and not stop deep breathing exercises until it came to a halt upon your desired deck.

The medbay doors slid open as you approached them and the smell of antiseptic was overpowering. The pretty blonde nurse seated at the nurse’s station smiled at you politely.

You knew she recognized you. You felt in the medbay what frequent flyers probably felt in airports— you just didn’t like it.

“He’s in Exam Room 2,” she said, motioning towards the corridor to your left.

You nodded and, once you were two feet from entering the exam room, called out, “Bonesy, I’m still scarred.”

“Emotionally or physically?” was the response you received as you stepped through the door. You could hear the smirk in his gruff voice.

“Oh, both.” You smiled at him and hopped onto the biobed. “Obviously.”

He was leant against the counter on the far right of the room with his arms crossed over his chest. His dark hair was combed perfectly and his blue shirt was totally wrinkle-free— it was hard to believe he was on hour seven of an eight-hour shift. “What’s the damage this week?”

“Minimal,” you answered honestly, rolling your sleeves up. You held your arms out to him. “See? No new burns.”

He rolled his hazel eyes with a purse of his lips— his usual disbelieving expression. He stepped before you and began recording the many numbers displayed on the monitor. “Vitals are off. Heart rate is quick and temperature’s a little high. Have you been feelin’ a little sick lately?”

“No more so than usual.”

You wanted to back away from his hand as he laid it flat against your forehead, his lips forming an abyss-like scowl.

“Last time we did your bloodwork, your hemoglobin and sodium were low. Takin’ those iron supplements and salt tablets, I trust.” His expression said he did not trust.

You shrugged. “Whenever I remember to.”

“Not good enough.” He stared at his PADD again. “Eatin’ well?”

“We’re on a starship, Bones. No one is eating well.”

“Try to,” he said simply, looking up at you through his thick eyelashes. “What about sleep? Gettin’ enough of that?”

You narrowed your eyes. “Define ‘enough.’”

“Darlin’, have you been sleeping at all?”

“‘At all’ is, like, one minute and above, right?” you asked. “If so, yes, I have been sleeping at all.”

He offered you his most sarcastic look. “You’re not eating right, your vitals are all over the place, you only take your supplements when you remember to rather than when you’ve been asked to, and you aren’t sleepin’. This is what you’re callin’ minimal damage?”

“Yes, but all of those things were true last week, too. This week, I didn’t burn myself,” you pointed out with an almost pitiable amount of pride. “That’s real progress, my friend.”

“That’s real pathetic, my friend.”

“You’ll heal more flies with honey than vinegar.”

He snorted. “It’s ‘you’ll catch more flies with honey.’ Either your lack of sleep is already takin’ a toll on cognitive processes, or you’ve never been the sharpest tool in the shed.” He paused to frown in consideration before continuing, “Maybe a lil’ bit of both.”

“Has anyone ever told you to heal with love?”

“Ain’t a chance in hell I’ll be takin’ your advice after ‘you’ll heal more flies with honey,’” he told you with a laugh, shaking his head once. “I take it the lack of burns means Scotty fixed your replicator.”

“Something like that,” you shrugged. “He threw it out and gave me a new one.”

You’d thought that, in itself, would be a pain. You wouldn’t have an excuse to have forearms littered with crescent-shaped burns anymore. You would be forced into being careful— something you weren’t used to.

The artifact wasn’t giving you much trouble, however, and didn’t bother the ship much either. After you returned from the medbay and retrieved it from the storage closet that night, you tossed the burnt shirt aside and stared at the ancient metal in your hands. You ran your finger over the inscriptions and fought the urge to throw it against the wall. Instead, you once again placed it in your closet and prepared yourself for the worst.

But, over the last two weeks, a strange calm had come over the artifact. There were no temperature hikes, no increases in humidity, no spikes in volatility— an orange glow stayed over your clothes and a soft hum emitted from the closet. You assumed it was due to the artifact’s overcoming of the nebula’s magnetic impact and hoped for precisely that, extremely satisfied that you weren’t roped into heedful behavior.

“Wise man.”

“Wise snitch of a man,” you corrected, scowling.

McCoy snorted. “Don’t be such a child— he did the right thing.”

“Yeah, yeah— agree to disagree. Let’s move on.”

“Okay, new subject then.” He looked up from his PADD and set the tablet beside you on the biobed. “Is there a reason you aren’t able to eat or sleep?”

“Seamless topic change.”

“Thanks, I try. Answer the question.

“There’s a reason,” you nodded. “The food’s gross and my mattress is made of broken glass.”

He narrowed his eyes and raked his long fingers through his hair. “I’m bein’ serious. Did you notice a pick-up in your sleeplessness and lack of appetite?”

“Cut to the chase,” was becoming a common phrase for you since boarding the Enterprise and you used it again in that moment, crossing your arms over your chest and cocking a single eyebrow.

“In the last two weeks, you’ve barely been eating.”

He shook his head when you opened your mouth to speak. “Don’t try to defend yourself, sweetheart— I pulled your replicator logs.”

He nodded when you shut your mouth and continued, “Judging by the onset of your pale appearance, your lightheadedness, forgetfulness, obvious deficiency in knowledge of idioms, you haven’t been able to sleep for approximately the same amount of time.”

“Okay. I’ve been busier these last two weeks— with Uhura on the bridge and—”

“I make it a point not to get involved with Jim’s love life.” He shook his head and clicked his tongue, “Or rather, sex life. But I’ll interfere when I feel like it’s necessary.” He sighed and crossed his arms over his chest just as you had. “So, tell me, darlin’, what the fuck is wrong with the two of you that two weeks of nonsense aren’t enough?”

“What?” You sounded a bit annoyed— mostly because you were. “What are you talking about?”

“Botha y’all, I swear,” he said under his breath. “Fuck if I care who is sleepin’ with who, but when your health starts slipping, it becomes my concern. Same with Jim’s.”

“I’m fine, Jim is fine.”

“It’s like y’all fuckin’ rehearsed this shit. I can see who’s fine and who isn’t with objectivity, I don’t need your input or Jim’s input. Be adults, talk to one another, sort it out— there would be no reason for the both of you to be so upset if it was unsalvageable.”

“Bones, my reasons haven’t changed. Think of it as preventative measures, like a vaccine.”

He smiled at you softly. “Darlin’, dealing with people and dealing with diseases are two very different things. Stop worryin’ about what’ll happen in the future and causin’ yourself pain on a ‘what if.’”

“If the ‘what if’ comes true, it’s gonna be a lot worse than this.”

“Take it as it comes. This whole thing might be worth all of that.” He paused and raised a single eyebrow, frowning. “Hard to believe y’all have feelings for each other in the first place— you both have the emotional depth of goldfish and the attachment tendencies of nomads.”

“Please, God, no more analogies.”

tagged: @outside-the-government @daughterofthebrowncoats @multifandom-slytherin@buckyy3s @cinema212 @caaptain @dani-fae @wonders-of-the-enterprise @imaginesofdreams @the-witching-hours12-3 @kaitymccoy123

#jim kirk #jim kirk imagine #kirk imagine #jim kirk x reader #star trek #star trek imagine #captain kirk x reader #captain kirk imagine #imagine kirk #imagine jim kirk #imagine this story not going off the rails #imagine me actually writing something decent #imagine getting a good night's sleep #byeeeeeeee

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sightofsea · 8 years ago

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this is rly dumb and there is the HUGE chance im going to regret this but ok

basically when i was 15 i wrote an approx. 200k OC doctor who fanfiction featuring a kind of half self insert/half attempt to subvert mary sue comapnion stereotypes named jenna quigley. and ive been thinking about it more lately like the general storyline bc like. idk. n i figured i should write it out.

i should mention this is all 11th doctor era bc i was a huge fan at that time, and it takes place between that time he leaves amy n rory to when he does his farewell tour bc i wanted to try n add some canonical irony that ill get to later

so basically its all narrated from jenna pov as kind of stories she’s telling to the tardis database via recording. why, we don’t know yet. she;s. ok so in the plot she was from our universe n was an AVID fan of the show which like tacky i know but whatever. she starts out 15 and in basically my house and neighborhood (this fic started from a constant daydream i would have of going on adventures w the doctor bc i was a nerdy 15 yo so like. sue me) and there have been a disturbing amount of disappearances in the surrounding area that local police are stuck on. so everyones kinda afraid to go out into their own homes and at one point, jenna is doing something out in her backyard and actually witnesses one of the abductions, but is surprised to see the kidnapper looks like the silence, aka the television show shes been watching. she thinks shes going bonkers. her family leave her alone for the day to go to a thing for one of her siblings and she’s just kind of ruminating on this event when--lo and behold, an officer arrives at her door.

and jenna, she’s very skeptical about this guy. like, given recent events she doesnt trust her own eyes. and the guy is...off. like his badge n credentials, if she concentrates, looks like something else for a flash of a second, and for some reason the figure of him is kind of hazy whenever jenna tries to look directly at him. he is shown to have a quirky, friendly demeanor n jenna figures well, i gotta tell someone about what ive seen, so she invites him in. they have a brief chat n its obvious to the reader that this guy is someone VERY familiar (mostly due to my bad writing at the time) and jenna begins to explain what she saw and how its like this one show she watches, and this guy suddenly becomes very very interested in this before realizing he’s got it all pieced together and asks for jenna’s help in navigating the area to find what is, ultimately, a silence space ship.

jenna agrees and over time realizes this guy is most definitely connected to something in the whoniverse and originally believes he might be a time agent bc that seems more likely given their number as they travel to the ship. its also revealed that the officer has brought jenna along bc the key thing about what she saw is that she actually remembers the silence and can see past perception filters due to the qualities of alternate universe, slightly alternate brain chemistry and so on. its not exactly perfect--she can’t get through perception filters rly, especially good ones--but its enough to know something is wrong n remember certain things others from the dw universe might not be able to like the actual silence aliens themselves.

anyway they make their way to the ship, which has come through a massive tear in reality that the officer came through. in the fic lore i guess tears are seen as usually benign things meant to leak ideas of universes into other universes as a kind of waste disposal system, and as a side effect create inspiration in those who are close to them. this tear, though, became too big, kind of like a leaky pipe, and actual material was able to get through by keeping a frequency from both ends of the tear as a kind of safety rope. and to maintain their energy as a stranded ship the silence have been using humans as batteries. i put a lot of thought into this, i know.

SO once theyre in the ship the “”officer”” (we know who he is by now lets just face it) and jenna are captured n separated. jenna is held hostage and it is revealed she is a part of a second half of the “silence will fall when the question is asked” prophecy which goes “the unexpected shall follow the guided task” (i loved rhymes) which is further revealed to the be the following: change the timeline and destroy the doctor. and jenna, being jenna, is like “listen u guys i dont even know the guy so uh failed step one i guess”. she’s saved by the “”officer”” in the nick of time through work of faulty electrical work (like? i know its for style but the silence have all those lights on the floor n it is VERY dangerous) so the whole ship is blacked out n she hears the differently pitched speech patterns (”why do u sound all different” “they took my equipment nevermind lets go”) and after doing some work to reverse the frequency and basically make the ship implode back into its original universe they run back to jenna’s home in the dark, seeing as she was out for quite a bit. her family is conveniently not home yet n decided to hang out with some friends. and when she gets back n is finally in the light SURPRISE!!! turns out the officer was the doctor all along in disguise from the silence using a perception filter. 15 year old me was a literary genius.

n u might think hannah this is rly long is it done now and of course it isnt!! that was just the intro!! after the initial shock jenna kind of parses what era the doctor is from, which is pre-silencio but after finding out about it n in that 200 yr stretch that was never rly shown. and jenna’s like, a whole season ahead of him basically and knows all this stuff and is trying to engage with this guy she’s a huge fan of without like accidentally spilling the beans on his future. she sits him down to explain the whole tv show thing n lets him watch an episode while she goes to her room to pack like clothes n her laptop because its not every day the doctor just flies in and she’s 15 so shes like hellz yeah im gonna be a COMPANION not even THINKING of the consequences in terms of the multiverse, the prophecy and her family (she does leave a note but its self centered n kinda lame tbh just like be back whenever). afterwards she walks the doctor back to the tardis and is like so where we gonna go n the doctor looks at her like jenna you are a literal child im not taking you anywhere and jenna though some MASTERY of writing that was basically hey look over there! and doing it anyway sneaks into the tardis when the doctor isnt looking n becomes his stowaway.

for the next few weeks she just kind of chills in the tardis with this fear that the doctor will immediately bring her back home so might as well have fun and kinda sneaks around him and keeps couch hopping from room to room. the tardis does not like her one bit due to the whole different universe funky energies thing (and this was pre-clara and i really wanted to see a companion the tardis didnt like so) and has multiple conversations with it via the interface hologram which meant i could write cameos for classic companions and write the tardis as a character bc i was a nerd.

SO after weeks of casually avoiding the doctor eventually she gets caught by him and hes not happy about it so shes like well ok then send me home n then she gets the real kicker which is the tears all mended up. after the material was put back in place it went back to being benign n too small for anything to travel between. so jenna basically stuck in this foreign universe with a very slim chance of returning back to her old life and her family and friends and she mistakes the doctors anger at the situation for anger at her so shes like basically im all alone here oh god n has a crisis n has a dramatic run off into the bowels of the tardis hallways

eventually the doctor finds her and they bond over being kind of the last of their kind in a way and he takes a kind of fatherly role and is like well youre already here and im miserable on my own so why dont we two birds one stone it n just go on adventures for the time being and takes a kind of fatherly platonic role with jenna bc i was sick of seeing companions hook up with the doctor and was confused as to why they wanted to hook up with him (spoiler alert: huge lesbian)

so they set off on their adventures. the first one was about the doctor and jenna accidentally boarding a ship of genetically engineered soldiers called evos being shipped off to a galactic war and finding out some of them had rebelled and had been camping out in the ships underbelly. they had no mouths but were able to communicate via sign language n empath touch powers of transferable memories. the captain was a bitch who didnt see the evos as living things n eventually in a stand off either offered them a chance for the other, still podded evos to live and for them all to live a horrible life or have the podded evos be ejected into space in return for them to have a chance to fight for their freedom. the choice ended up coming down to jenna, somehow, i think, and she chose freedom and cost the lives of like 200 evos but were able to get the ones they were able to save (about, like, 100 i think) to safety and create their own civilization away from harm on a distant planet and their success and triumph to live their own lives i guess canceled out the fact that jenna played a part in the deaths of 200 beings. it was. i dont even know

the next “episode” after a brief interlude of less impactful adventures and discussing mortality was a sherlock crossover episode that im too embarrassed to go into detail about but did reveal jenna’s newly formed abandonment issues due to her stranded in a strange universe situation and the fact she had a self harm problem that, surprise, mirrored mine. her n the doctor went on some more adventures over the next few months that were mentioned in passing. it should be noted that this first “act” i guess takes place over a solid year

the next episode featured river song bc i was gay for her without knowing it and i had just learned about easter island in history class and i decided to expand on one of the adventures said in passing during the series to kind of root my fic in canon bc i was a smarmy bitch. it involved being perceived as gods and the silence and using the flesh as a means of luring villagers to be used as human batteries and also putting a percetion filter on the ship so what was actually a crater was perceived to be a mountain. through this episode we saw the doctor again facing his own mortality, river sitting jenna down after a series of events pieced together her abandonment issues n harm problem n being like you cant rely on the doctor for this alone trust me i know its fun but when it starts ending it wont be. jenna gets kidnapped again by the silence n is reproduced as flesh to try and steer the doctor n river away from saving the day but overcomes that impulse and eventually pulls herself out of it and helps save things.

this episode also imports an important plot device of misplacement, which i shouldve put in earlier if im honest. the basic idea of it, within the fic lore, was that the universe, multiverse, whatever had to compensate for temporal displacement all the time when choices were made, but when big things that would alter history happened--like a giant supposed mountain blowing up 200 years after it had already blew up--it had a fail safe to transport the object causing the harm to the exact place but in a different time where the event would have less of a temporal impact. theres also an important note here where the doctor doesnt recall jenna being with him on their first adventure together. both are setting up the larger plot.

after the deal with the kidnapping and the flesh and all their adventures the doctor becomes kind of protective of jenna because i mean the dude also has abandonment issues like lets be real. so he kind of tones down the danger in fear of jenna dying or getting hurt. i mean, its been a year and theyve kind of become these friends who snark at each other like a family would and its nice that jenna has this person she can trust because she watched the show and like, knows him and knows his tells and calls him out on his bullshit before he can even get started and feels a kind of responsibility for due to the prophecy she was given and the doctor has someone to talk to and someone he also doesnt have to hide from really because she already knows almost everything. theyve been equally protective of each other--jenna keeping the doctor in the dark about the prophecy about her and keeping mum on the fact that she knows he isnt going to die, and the doctor worrying about jenna’s safety and trying not to screw her up like he has past companions to kind of try to atone for his past mistakes and make it up to this girl whose life he kind of unintentionally ruined. ok honestly idk why im getting in depth but i spent. years on this fic you dont understand

so. after a while jenna just kind of calls the doctor out like come on lets at least go somewhere fun and end up spending christmas eve in new york in the forties and befriend this newly single mother and jenna fakes a REALLY BAD accent to get across that her n the doctor are related n poor to gain sympathy. they do all the things she wants like times square and macy’s, where surprise! she sees amy n rory n their son and just kind of like. guides them away from the doctor like guys. this aint ur guy. and it would fuck EVERYTHING up also hi i know your guys’s entire life story, cute kid, etc. they give jenna some advice dealing w the doctor and she tells them that she’ll try her best to make sure he doesnt like, go self hating n all that bullshit n they part ways. her n the doctor meet up again and throughout this whole first part jenna’s been noticing people following her? with like, these weird orange-y eyes. and she thinks like fuck ok this’ll ruin the adventure, maybe theyll leave but they end up starting to go after her and reveal themselves to be a species called the visicheck

after escaping and dumpster diving because the visicheck hunt based on scent, jenna and the doctor start heading towards the single mother’s place for refuge (she had seen their situation n offered a place to spend christmas eve) and on the cab ride over the doctor explains that the visicheck r these ancestors of the family of blood, and basically are lifeless specks that latch onto living things and possess them until they burn them out and move onto the next one. they consume what is the basic energy a thing needs to exist and be alive, and for different species there’s different levels. lets say a dw universe human is ur basic ten on the scale. because of different circumstances in different universes, jenna is basically a 120 on the scale. like, these things could possess her body and use it for centuries to wreck havoc with the kind of energy she holds. and jenna, thinking about the prophecy of changing the timeline and also not wanting to basically be the living dead is like yeah ok fuck this is bad.

they find some brief refuge in the single mothers apartment for a time and enjoy a lovely christmas eve dinner but eventually the visicheck catch up to them. the doctor escorts the single mother n her kid into a cab to get as far away as possible while jenna is just supposed to keep holed up in the apartment, but things arent so easy and they end up breaking in. she’s able to hit them over the head with a pan n kind of stave them off for a bit and heads for the roof, but is eventually backed into a circle. knowing the visichek can’t possess something that is dead and not wanting to potentially endanger the universe just to keep her life jenna jumps off the building in a dramatic fashion that i wrote to play with the carol of the bells because i thought it was cool, and you know what? it was. it really was.

and so jenna dies

at least for a bit

she wakes up in the tardis, rly confused because like, she died. like she knows she did. and the doctors not speaking n acting all broody and she finally gets the story out of him that after she died (posted as an anonymous person in the newspaper, i should note, and put in an unnamed grave to keep the whole “written in stone” thing in line) he kind of. went off on his own for a bit before rly hating himself for letting jenna die right in front of him and went back to catch and save her before she landed, therefore altering the events as it happened. and jenna is...not happy about this. like, one bit. because, in a twist of fate, because she is both living and dead the universe must compensate by going to misplacement, but jenna can’t fully complete the misplacement “”process”” i guess until she is in the exact location she is misplaced from, only different time and all, and in this case she’s in the tardis which almost always has its shields up, so she can’t even complete that bit. so, as explained, the universe will start the process over whenever the tardis decides to fly off again, and send jenna to a different time within the tardis’s general vicinity.

basically, she’s gonna be stuck hopping around the doctor’s timeline. like, all of it, until she finally meets up with the right doctor who knows her n has been past this point. which could take years for her. and, mind you, the task she was “assigned” in the prophecy was to change the timeline, and as a result destroy the doctor. so this is basically jenna’s worst nightmare, and she finally spills the beans about the prophecy in a fit of anger before trying to say goodbye and being whisked off

and this is where the angst stuff happens

basically, for the next year or so (when i rewrite in my head its two years, makes more sense) jenna is thrown around one end of the universe to the other, trying to stay out of the way of the doctor’s events while also trying to, you know, survive and eat and drink and sleep. she’s basically a homeless vagabond for most of it, and her abandonment issues and self harming kind of escalate. she begins leading a really lonely life, and grows this kind of love/hate relationship with the doctor where she really hopes to see him again but also grows bitter against him for putting him in this situation. she visits companions before their time with the doctor, like donna, by accident and stumbles through meeting them and trying to just keep going. in her loneliness she starts talking to a version of the doctor in her head, which starts taking more and more of a form to her before its a fully grown kind of hallucination she’s created out of loneliness (which was kind of based off of me being a lonely kid and having pretend conversations with characters to simulate human connection which is. sad. i know. really sad. its a lot).

for a time jenna is stuck with the doctor and martha during the months leading up to human nature/the family of blood, and inadvertently meets martha and gets a job at the school as a fellow maid through helping martha drag the doctor to the place. she figures its the only stability she’ll have for a while and since she was never shown in the show it isnt rly affecting the most important bits of the timeline, and resolves to stay as far away from john smith as she can and just live out her life until the events of the episodes start happening and she’ll vamoose. she adopts an accent to blend in and when she has free time finds the stashed away tardis, which initially does not recognize jenna as a companion until finding archived recordings from the future bc duh its a time machine, which brings the whole pov thing full circle, and interacts with the interface to get answers about her growing questions about the silence and her situation and learns about a device called the cage, which has been alluded to in previous “episodes” only by name, as a great machine created by the silence that is meant to basically make it so that anything inside of it would be erased for existence, past present and future, using energy form the cracks in the universe. this was still at a point in the actual series where we knew nothing so i just kind of went buckwild.

anyways

jenna ends up having to interact with the tenth doctor as john smith once, and kind of aims all of her bitterness towards her future self at him and realizes that isnt fair, apologizes, and has a cathartic moment of finally moving past a grudge with the wrong version of the doctor. eventually the events of the episodes start happening and she vamooses before getting sent off to god knows where again, yippee

eventually through the next year jenna kind of begins to rly lose hope. like, it’s been a year already, she doesn’t know if she can keep living like this. so she makes a deal with herself to wait out until the end of this second year of time travelling vagabonding before she decides to off herself to save herself and the universe the trouble.

she keeps going through the motions and actually stumbles upon a future, post-silencio doctor, with rory and amy in tow, and in a fit of like oh my god relief she kind of runs up to him and is like i found you, finally, holy shit n the doctor looks at her like im sorry but i dont...know you? like i genuinely dont know who you are. you might have ur timelines all switched up. and jenna knows this isnt true and freaks out and kind of just is like, theres like fifteen days until the deadline, all hope is lost, gonna just completely self destruct n cuts her hair and stops eating, but on the day of the actual deadline she keeps stalling as she zaps from place to place before finally deciding to end how it should end by jumping off a building n she has this heartfelt convo with this imaginary figure thats kept her company all this time

so she makes the journey up this apartment building in this basically abandoned future...chicago, i think? yeah. and you know, is about to do when whaddaya know, a familiar voice is calling out for her. she thinks its just the hallucination but eventually realizes that its actually the doctor, one that knows her, and they have this really heartfelt hug before she punches him square in the face

after the fact is a lot of secret keeping on jenna’s side. she doesnt want to be a burden and just kind of wants things to eventually get back to normal after a period of just resting finally and lies about her time being thrown around the doctors timeline, telling him it was only a few months instead of two years, and hiding the evidence of her self harm and other forms of self destruction to try and get things back to the way they were. the doctor can see through jenna’s bullshit though and over a month of just kind of chilling in the tardis and getting better she eventually tells him and after being pulled into an adventure with alien bees and a prison break and characters very much based off of the captor brothers from homestuck they kind of find their original rhythm

the next adventure was the one where i stopped writing mostly bc the plot absolutely sucked. it was a beach adventure episode, involving aliens and aliens who were mermaids and being stranded on a remote island. also, at the time i was going through a sexuality crisis and decided jenna was gonna go through it too and made her realize she was gay for one of the alien mermaids and totally made out with her. you can see how the plot was failing a bit, and the only thing i dont regret is the whole mermaid makeout thing really.

the rest of the series from that point on was supposed to go something like this: jenna has to go back to her old high school, except in the dw universe, and finds out she actually doesn’t exist in this universe??? which is weird. the doctor plays teacher and they live in the prop attic of the school investigating a counselor that literally feeds off of emotions until the students are a husk and die. there was going to be a filler where the doctor and jenna start the doctors farewell tour (it is revealed when they finally find each other at the end of the timeline jumping debacle that the doctor has like two years left until silencio happens, with like a hundred years passing between new york n finding jenna) and the doctors mortality is discussed and jenna begins to wonder what happens to her since she isnt at the event or anything going forward, and begins to worry about the prophecy again.

the finale of jenna’s adventures was supposed to go like this: they end up tackling the silence again, only with the help of the cage, after jenna notices the doctor beginning to forget more and more things about her. they get captured and the silence plan to place the doctor in the cage and eradicate him from existence so that the question to be asked never existed to begin with. i hadnt figured out how yet, but basically jenna would finally click everything together and realize it was her destiny to do this, and even had a better chance since it eradicated her from this universe, and she still had a life in another one and could maybe start over and appreciate her family and friends a bit more, and would pull a switcheroo so that she would be put in the cage and slowly eradicated from existence. from that point the silence ship would kind of go haywire from the power being used by the cage and jenna would drag the incapicitated doctor back to the tardis and saying she has to go record something real quick, and then we dont hear from her again.

last scene would be of the doctor, years and years into the future, during one of his alone periods, sifting through the tardis database and happening upon the archived recording files and listening to them, not remembering exactly but living through these events with a person that was there but also never there to begin with, and the last recording being an actual face recording of jenna saying you know, she doesnt regret a minute of it, go out there and have a nice life and dont feel bad for her before saying goodbye and zapping out of existence.

last “scene” i guess would be a fifteen year old jenna, rather than the 18-19 year old we’ve come to know, waking up the day it all started and realizing she accidentally napped through the whole day when her parents wake her up. it seems apparent she doesn’t remember a thing, but her parents say something offhand that wouldve been a prolific line and she has a sense of deja vu and hints towards her someday maybe remembering but also having a chance to live a life without the trauma of her life lead in the other universe

so uh yeah. idk why i decided to write all of this. actually i do i have an essay i have to write but. idk this fic was a huge part of my life for like. a good amount of time and despite its tackiness im actually very proud of it and just wanted to share its story without having anyone ever have the link to it and read it because despite my careful planning i did narrate like a superwholock for most of it and it was REALLY annoyin. but this fic and the character of jenna actually helped me work through a lot of my own bullshit and im still kind of in love with it. and in the years to come actually m*ffat fucking used these plot points like the tardis hating the companion n the doctor forgetting about a companion like years after i wrote this shit but i think i wrapped up the cracks in the universe n silence thing pretty fucking well so uh. petition for fifteen year old me to rewrite the last half of season 6 i guess. anyway its 2 in the morning and i just wrote honest to god a full 5,000 words about my doctor who oc fanfiction so uh. yeah. fuck.

#so dumb

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smithya93-blog · 6 years ago

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Bird Brained- Chapter 6

Show your support by reading the next chapters on Wattpad!Maze left the infirmary and wandered the palace. He held his arm in a sling and wore his obscene feathered cloak in a way that conveniently displayed the bandages that crossed his chest. He was after all an eccentric person at heart. Maybe if he gave enough of a shit about anything he could have been a good actor or poet. Too bad he hated writing and had a terrible memory.

As if by the grace of Nepetes herself, he found Lekan headed down the hall toward him. Play it cool, he thought. Let the prince introduce himself. His stomach quaked at the dramatic nature in which he had fallen into the other man's life. There couldn't be a better way to make a first impression. He greeted Lekan with a short nod in acknowledgement.

"You're awake."

Maze cocked his head "I have been for a while now... " Lekan laughed holding out his hand to shake.

Wrong hand.

He shifted his left to awkwardly shake brandishing the sling. The prince winced.

"Oh.. my apologies does it hurt?" "The pain is mild.. The cleric here is lovely." "Yes Lupit is well respected for her healing magic." "I would agree she has patched me up well." He patted the sling feigning a wince. This felt too formal "Although she wants me to remain in one place until my injuries heal."

"You are more than welcome to stay here while you recover." Could he stay forever? Lekan was on the verge of melting. This was him. This was the scrappy looking man who saved him that night.

He needed to stop referring to him that way. Scrappy wasn't the most accurate term. The man had shaved, his hair neatly trimmed and taken care of while he was resting. Although it looked like he was graying early, he could be no older than the prince himself. His features were rough but held a softness to them that Lekan found striking.

Maze smiled brightly. "Should I take you for the Head of House?" "My mother holds that title for now."

"So you are the prince then.."

Lekan was surveying him intently.

Oh this felt amazing.

"And your name is?"

Lekan was taken aback by the question. "Oh.. Lekan.. Well... that's... you can call me Lekan" Maze gave him a short bow. "I thank you for your hospitality."

"The pleasure is all mine.." He paused waiting for Maze to introduce himself.

"Maze Suvroc, Shadow of the Morning Star." It was so wordy. He hated it but damn did it make him look really good.

"Maze.."

Lekan showed the stranger around. Maze oo'd and aww'ed at the grandiose nature of the palace, as if he hadn't been living there for the last six months.

"Explain yourself." Arthula looked furious arms crossed. After their tour Lekan had brought him into the great hall to meet with his mother. Maze felt the full weight of her gaze as he was scrutinized. All eyes were on him and with only six people in the room, it was excruciating.

"I.. deserted the regalia.. I wanted to take a tour of the region... try to find myself" He bit his lip hating how that sounded "I.. ran into some rough company... situations I could not avoid.. I just want to start my life fresh."

"So you're a coward" Lonan asserted himself into the conversation.

"No I found the Regalia boring." He scoffed without acknowledging Lonan hovering behind him. "Idolizing military power turned out to be duller than I expected."

Arthula looked over to her son not believing an ounce of what Maze had said "Well?"

"His... his family is in shambles, he should stay here while he recovers and sorts out his estate." That may have came off way more eager than he wanted it to.

"I understand that." Arthula began "but, is it safe to just assume this man is really who he says he is."

Ulyss stepped forward clearing his throat. "If I may your grace.. Maze and I went to boarding school together." He looked back at Maze who greeted him with a weird little hip wave.

Maze nodded "We were roommates."

Lekan nodded at his mother "They were roommates."

"He would, in my honest opinion go missing off of the face of the earth for four years and then return from a near death experience at the side of the road." Ulyss continued his eyes not leaving his former friend.

Arthula sighed "Fine, I'll have another room made up." She motioned for Lekan to follow her and Ulyss joined them.

"You.. didn't run away this time though did you.." he muttered under his breath as he passed Maze by.

What was that supposed to mean?

He was offered dinner at the long table alone. It felt very... lonesome. At that time of night everyone else had already eaten, so leftovers were warmed for him. They had also left him a chalice of wine. How kind of them.

Every clink against the dinnerware rang throughout the high ceilings of the empty hall like cannon fire. Footsteps approached him and Lulit made herself comfortable on the table

"So.. How's it going?"

"Your mother is terrifying."

"You think it's bad, I have to live with her."

"I will too if I can play my cards right."

She laughed "Your so optimistic."

"He likes me" "Ulyss has like a week over your head"

He grumbled downing another glass of wine.

"So.. what is it about him?" Arthula and Lekan took to setting the room together for Maze. The staff were all finished with their work for the day. The family had very strong feelings about letting them have their free time.

It's not like they couldn't make a bed themselves.

"You'll call me crazy."

"Should I?" she let the comforter drop over the bed.

"Maybe"

"Then tune your mother in on why she should consider you crazy my summer flower." She sat down watching him worried. "You've always been too kind for your own good. Picking up all manner of broken or tired animals, this boy is not someone you can fix. Who knows where he's been.. Or.."

"I think he was the one who saved me.. that night I was ambushed."

Arthula balked at the statement. "What.."

"When.. I woke up and heard the struggle outside. I saw three figures. When the Guard came in... I saw his face.." he sat on the bed and rubbed his face. "You might think he is trouble.. but I know he was fighting back against those intruders." He looked at her pleadingly "If it was him, I owe him my life."

Arthula pushed down the worrying warnings she wanted to give.

"Just... stay close to Lonan.. He can stay because his estate has essentially been torn apart by looters. Don't tell him that.. Tell him there was a fire or something. We can figure the rest out later." She waved her hand. "Do not.. Under any circumstances allow yourself to be alone with him. Do you understand me?"

"Mother.." "No buts... not until we can trust him." She shook her head. "Have Lonan fetch him.. I am retiring for the evening." She kissed his forehead taking her leave.

He most certainly did not ask Lonan to fetch Maze and he most certainly did not heed his mother's words. He returned to the great hall to find... "Lulit? What are you doing here"

She jumped off of the table. "Interrogating the suspect."

"What is he suspect of?"

"Trying to kill you."

Maze nearly choked on his food "Hey! Im.."

She laughed shaking her head "As mom thinks of him."

Lekan shooed her off "Go to bed."

"Why?"

"Just.. go.. I need to talk to him"

She rolled her eyes strolling off. Not before giving Maze a thumbs up behind her brothers back.

He waited until Lulit was out of the hall before speaking. "I see the wine has been treating you well."

Maze glanced at the half empty vase before him. "Oh.. it came that way." It most certainly did not and Lekan knew that.

"If you are done eating, I would be happy to show you to your room." Lekan held out his arm for Maze. He pulled himself up taking it and allowing the larger man to escort him.

Guests were situated in the tower beside the family's quarters. Up the winding stairs different rooms spun off with a communal shower at the base. Lekan explained that the castle had been built that way and to put in individual amenities would disrupt the traditional feel of the palace. Maze felt like it might just be a ploy to force snooty guests to have to walk to take a shit.

His door was at the top of the staircase.

"I apologize in advance, we did not plan for any guests." He laughed "but.. I can say I am not disappointed to have the company" Maze released his arm so he could unlock the door. "Do you need clothing?"

"Ah.. I should tomorrow."

"I can have a squire go and fetch things from your family home" he was deciding to ignore everything his mother told him tonight.

"That's alright, those things can rot there.." he ran a hand through his hair sighing. "I'm not a fan of the.. family. I'm looking to make a new one."

Lekan looked at him bewildered. "Not.. a fan?"

Maze pushed the door open not wanting the conversation to continue much longer "Oh.. it's complicated. As families are." He took stock in the room, the canopy bed, the simple dresser and wardrobe arrangements and the small lounge area. He could sleep here and Lekan wouldn't be the wiser that his crow was missing. The prince followed him in.. damnit.

Not that he didn't want to welcome Lekan into every aspect of his life. He was just worn out, and making more trouble for the prince probably wouldn't be good for either of them at the moment.

"I'm not sure I understand?" Lekan followed up on the previous statement.

"Just.. I was never really close with my parents.. they didn't want any more kids so I was an only child. They thought.. one to carry on, save the rest from the misfortune." he caught Lekans progressively more inquisitive look. "That misfortune being my mother" Maze flopped back on the bed "She was a witch, not it the literal sense but she.. really knew how to make a house feel like a prison." He laughed. "I left to find my own way without them. Just the clothes on my back, and the shoes on my feet" and the feathers he grew from being an unfortunate moron.

Lekan nodded solemnly. "I'm sorry you had to experience that" which in essence, was what Maze expected. One who grew up in a cooperative functional family couldn't really understand where he was coming from. Lekan didn't need to get it, just understand it was a sore spot for him.

"So... why are you letting me stay here?"

Lekan stroked his beard contemplatively. "In all honesty. I think your interesting... and someone I want to keep an eye on.."

Maze chuckled shedding his cloak and flinging it over a chair, Lekan stared at it.

"Feathers?"

"I was advised against it but I don't take advice well."

"Why feathers?"

"Family crest is a crow"

"Is it?" Lekan found that very curious "I accidentally adopted a crow."

Maze sat up feigning surprise "Really? How coincidental."

Lekan chuckled "It might have been meant to be."

An awkward silence filled the space between them. Shit, he had nothing fun or interesting to talk about. If he had actually gone on a real venture to find himself he would have some funny stories to tell or some quip about crows he met on the vast plains but..

"Is this your first time in the capital?"

"Yes" he lied blatantly.

"Oh.." Lekan seemed to be disappointed in that response.

"Show me around sometime?"

"I would be honored."

Maze smiled as the prince took his leave closing the door politely.

He spent about five minutes pacing his room before heading back to his nest.

A swift rapping at the door woke Maze the next morning. Lekan was already awake, preparing for the day and went to answer. Ulyss emerged from the doorway with a tray "Good morning my prince, I brought you breakfast" Lekan was thrown off by the gesture.

"Oh.. I was on my way to go eat with the rest of-"

"I thought it might be nice if we could have breakfast together."

Lekan nodded slowly "All right..." Well, Ulyss was supposed to be wooing Lekan.. the man could enjoy it if he wanted to.

Ulyss set the tray down at the coffee table and took a seat in one of the lounge chairs. The prince took stock in the food before digging in. "Did you cook this?"

"Yes.. I enjoy a little culinary work when I have the time. All faeish recipes of course, I've gotten quite good at preparing the food." "It's fantastic." he praised Ulyss royally.

It was just eggs, anyone could cook eggs. Hell with one more chromosome Maze could make eggs and that wouldn't be considered a phenomenon.

Ulyss reached out sliding a hand down Lekans shoulder.

"You know.. I've grown quite fond of you Lekan.." The prince looked up with a mouth full of food. "Oh?"

Ulyss laughed resting his hand on the other man's thigh. "I.. would hope you feel the same.."

Lekan made this face. It looked to Maze almost like he was in pain. "I would appreciate it if you would-"

Ulyss sighed interrupting his rejection. "I just want to please you my king."

Ok that's far enough. Maze took his leave from the nest screeching incessantly and dive bombing the newcomer. Ulyss threw himself back swearing and swinging his arm "WHAT THE HELL" Maze felt maybe he should just go right for the throat. Going in claws first- until he was grabbed by the midsection and tossed across the room.

Lekan was astounded by his careless toss and burst into a stream of apologies, as Ulyss bolted from the room screaming. Maze was not injured by the throw, however the wind had been knocked from him. He laid on the bedspread gasping for a moment before Lekan came to check on him.

"Oh.. I'm so sorry... I didn't mean.." his eyes betrayed a hint of tears.

Wait.. no don't cry.. not over this.

He squawked and slowly stood back up. Resting his beak on the hand on the bed and gave him a reassuring look.

Don't cry over me.

Lekan stroked the birds head sighing. "You really startled me.. and Ulyss I guess." He winked at the bird. "I'm sorry, I would never intend to hurt you my little crow." He took a moment to stroke the birds back and make sure it wasn't injured before returning to his morning routine. Maze wasn't wholly sure he could fly right now. He put on a good little show just now but, geez that blow could have killed him if he hadn't hit the bed.

Once Lekan left he needed to get to his room and get dressed before anyone noticed he was missing.

He hopped to the balcony looking down. Sure.. he could shimmy his way across the rooftops... but at crow size that was like a mile of sliding and maneuvering. It would take like an hour. He could probably glide into one of the lower rooms.. sneak out the door and up to his room.. where his door was locked.. he did manage to do that before passing out.

Curse his forethought.. well.. Balcony hopping it was.

He righted himself and tumbled from the balcony hitting the roof below hard. Yeah great start to the morning. He hopped himself along the copper plates of the rooftop.

The roof was not made for crow feet. He kept slipping slowly toward the lip with each step not able to catch a grip. He made it to the foot of the tower and clung on for dear life, as he contemplated having to climb it. He beat his wings finding little purchase but eventually working his way up to the first ledge. Then the second, painfully he scaled the balcony with the incessant wing beats, pulling himself onto his balcony and collapsing on the floor switching to his human shape. He lay there wheezing for a while when he heard a knock at the door.

Lulit pushed her way inside smirking at him.

"Saw you had a little trouble getting back over here.. thought I'd drop in and make sure you didn't fall off."

"you're so kind"

She grinned "You should really lock your door at night.. oh and breakfast is starting soon... so chop chop." She took off back down the stairs.

He joined Ulyss and Lulit at breakfast. Lonan sat to the side to the side eyes boring holes into Mazes head. "Sorry, couldn't find the shower." He took a seat at the table and made himself a plate.

"Wheres Lekan?" "He has some business today with mom" Lulit responded without looking up from her book.

He nodded at Ulyss "What happened to your face?"

"The princes feral crow"

"Feral crow?"

"It went berserk. Just absolutely attacked me as if I was some villain!"

"Well... what did you do?"

"NOTHING! I.." Ulyss ran a hand through his hair trying to calm himself, still clearly overwhelmed by the experience.

Maze felt a prick of pride at his exasperation.

"I just brought him breakfast.. you know.. to schmooze him a little."

Lulit stood quickly realizing that the conversation was turning in a direction she did not want to be a part of. Lonan watched her leave without a word and returned his attention to Maze.

With Lulit out of the room Ulyss continued, nodding toward Maze.

"I've learned that kind of thing always works for an early morning rubdown." He chuckled.

Maze fairly choked on his fork. He did not find that funny. "What's that supposed to mean"

"If I am going to be his husband, that doesn't mean I can't dive in early."

"If you dive in too early the water would be dirtied and unworthy of bathing" Lonan chimed in with his outdated and offensive opinion.

"You are now officially out of the conversation" Ruit muttered harshly. They looked at him with disgust.

"How can you even say that.."

"Ones fist time is sacred" Lonan responded wiping his face.

"Not really.. I mean if you think that for yourself fine.. but you can't decide that for someone else" Ruit muttered into his eggs.

Lonan scoffed "I have long since lost that experience, I will not allow his pool to be sullied."

Ok this analogy was getting old.

"He's not a pool or an object.. he's a person and.." Maze burst out "You know what.. You have that conversation with him, and see how he feels."

Ulyss laughed "Oh how your tune has changed since school. It's nice to know at least some of us can grow up" He shot a dirty look at Lonan.

The knight huffed and stood from the table "Ruit.. we are needed at the prince's side."

The squire rolled his eyes leaving his half eaten plate to follow his Sir from the room.

The two former roommates found themselves alone and with a strange tenseness in the air.

"Do you think I did something wrong?"

"Maybe.."

Ulyss looked across the table at his old friend with a pained look in his eye.

Maze set his fork aside. "Look... crows are smart right.. maybe he thought you were a danger to Lekan.." he shrugged. "Was he interested in your schmoozing?"

Ulyss said nothing contemplating that statement as he chewed through a piece of bacon.

"Would schmoozing be inappropriate at this time?" "Dunno... I don't know him.." he lied "but he seems like a gentle person.. He's probably been schmoozed his entire life."

"So he would know better.."

"He might need bodyguards to protect him but I don't think he is as defenseless as they make him out to be."

Ulyss smirked "Always keen.. As crows are I guess."

Maze ignored the comment finishing his meal.

He watched Ulyss and Lekan sneak out of the palace later that evening from the top of a turret.

He would let Ulyss have his date with Lekan in peace. Despite the mornings event he knew Ulyss to be of decent background, and after their conversation felt that he wouldn't need to chaperone them.

---

"So.. What do you think.. Do I have a chance?"

"I don't know man.. I'm not an expert on my brother"

"You know him better than anyone else"

"Actually I think you might." She pulled away from her book. "When you got here Lekan stopped talking to us about his problems. He talked to you."

"I'm subjective you are not." They both went quiet for a while. Maze playing with the charm around his neck anxiously.

"What if he doesn't like me?" She turned to face him unsure of how to answer "What if.. I do all of this and, he doesn't want me?"

"It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all" She went back to her book.

"Wow.. wise words coming from you!"

"Some poet wrote that."

"Of course they did."

"If he doesn't want you.. well.. respect his decision." She shrugged "What else can you do.. if you love him support him."

Maze nodded.. Was love too strong of a word. Did he really love Lekan, he owed his life to the man sure, he felt joy in the confidence Lekan held him with. All of his secrets and feelings. He wondered if their relationship as people could be as close.

The evening's dinner met Maze with a very rude awakening. Ulyss sitting at the head of the table beside Lekan holding a bubbling conversation with the man. Something in the pit of Mazes stomach dropped. The appetizing meal before him went untouched in the revelation that, Ulyss might.. Actually have a good chance.

Did they even have anything in common? Maybe he had rushed into this. It was hard trying to think about the needs of others. Being a crow was a selfish pleasure, being someones partner was.. ugh. One night stands were ideal for him, he never needed to worry about feelings and compromise. Ulyss was intelligent, charming, handsome... all values Maze knew were appealing and yet none he had himself.

He left the dinner table early that night. Unbeknownst to him, Lekans eyes followed him out as he left.

-----

Show your support by reading the next chapters on Wattpad!

#lgbtqipa #lgbtq community #gay #gay author #fantasy #gay fantasy #gay characters #wattpad #watty2019 #lgbtq representation #lgbtq fantasy #bird brained

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paultys · 8 years ago

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The past two weeks I have started the process of coming to terms with my imminent (maybe) departure from this wonderful Island. Were we to stay longer we would be delaying the inevitable, many of our friends would of left, and both mine and Bevs work skills would be in decline, now is the right time to go, and Im at ease with it.

That’s not to say I wont miss the place nor that leaving wont be traumatic and upsetting. Last night we had dinner at a friends house, the Gonsavles’s, who, through a strange twist of events which I shall discuss later are leaving tomorrow, rather unexpectedly. This meant a great night of food and booze, ended by tears all round as we said good bye to two of our greatest friends, not just on St Helena but anywhere, they will be back, we will not.

The past two weeks have not been helped with a degree of uncertainty over the functioning of the RMS St Helena, our lifeline to the outside world, which had been in dry dock for two weeks with essential repairs to the starboard (I think) propeller. Following the cancellation of voyage 255 it was with some relief that I welcomed the news that the repairs had been successful and that the ship was on its way to Cape Town to collect passengers and cargo bound for St Helena, my 15th May start date at the National Marine Aquarium was looking good. Good that is until the ship promptly broke again with rumor of seals not sealed and an official announcement stating that one of the engines was stuck in full forward and had to be shut down.

The RMS is currently in Cape Town, whilst passengers shore side are hurriedly moved into hotels, unsure of how they will get to St Helena, and those of us Island side unsure of how we will get off. To make matters worse, Ascension Island government announced that the RAF runway was closed due to the unsafe condition of the Tarmac. As I speak there are around 800 people stranded on Ascension Island, 140 or so in Cape Town, a good number in the Falklands and of course those of us on St Helena who have no idea how or when we might be travelling.

So what’s the significance of Ascension. Well St Helena has an airport that could, in theory, be used by small planes to bridge the gap until the RMS is fixed. However, any plane travelling anywhere must be able to reach the nearest other available airport in case of emergency. Up until three days ago, for St Helena, this was Ascension, now its not, and the nearest functioning airport is somewhere on the West coast of Africa, 1800 miles away!

The significance for me is that I won’t make my 15th May start date, nor, when I do get to the UK will I have my planned time with family that I haven’t seen for almost a year, I will have to start work immediately. Things have been made worse by this all landing on the Easter Bank Holiday Weekend making it difficult, however we have been assured that Saint Helena Government and others are doing everything they can to assess the problems with the ship and asses other options for transporting people and goods on and off the Island, be in on small aircraft or by another vessel, somehow, I’m sure I will get home, and hopefully not too delayed.

It is the first time I have felt Isolated on St Helena. We are reminded all the time through tourism and social media, and when looking out of the window that we are indeed a very small dot in a very vast ocean, but it has never concerned me. The RMS turns up reliably and we have never had any concerns. Only now, as I ready myself to leave the Island, and find that maybe I cant does it hit home just how reliant we are on the one ageing Royal Mail ship and as I look out of my window the Atlantic Ocean ahead of me feels just that bit bigger.

In the mean time we make the most of our last few weeks on the Island. Having already had my leaving jolly boys outing, my last (or not) card game, the Tyson’s “Bring and Bye” and goodbye dinner with the Bridgewater’s, I am racking up the leaving do’s and still have some planned. I have also missed a few weeks of diving but have managed to plan a few and on Saturday spent over an hour with the marvelous animal you can see below. Punctuate that with a stag do and my first game of golf on the Island and as per usual I have been pretty busy.

The highlight of our “lasts” has been our last walk to Lots Wife ponds, this time with a bunch of nobbers in tow. The scenery of Sandy Bay, trekking through the gates of chaos and along the coastline across narrow paths with shear drops is both staggeringly beautiful and a little nerve wracking. Like no where else on the Island you are immersed in Grand Canyon like orange escarpments, sharp ridges and deep, steep valleys. As the sun beats down heat waves rise from the ground, causing more than a little exhaustion for some of the group.

The reward at the end of the trek, once the vertical rope lined drop is navigated, are the ponds, beautiful turquoise crystal clear pools, cut off from the raging Atlantic beyond by a steep volcanic rock wall. The water in the pools is warm, and very salty and the experience feels very tropical as five finger fish dart around and bright red and yellow crabs cling to the rock walls of the ponds.

After a few hours, some swimming, photos, sandwiches and a beer the trek back beckoned and before I knew it my last walk to Lots Wife Ponds was done. Its hard to know what or how to feel right now. One moment I am all set for a 27th April departure, now I don’t know when Im going.

This morning my first port of call was the Solomon’s shipping office to see if when and how I can leave St Helena and make my way to the UK, I am provisionally booked on the 17th May voyage to Cape Town, but there is no news as to whether this voyage will go ahead, or if indeed an alternative will be found before then. Whilst this probably sounds like a criticism of the powers at be, it is not. It’s a right mess they have found themselves in, two broken airports and a crocked old ship, but I have no doubt that people have been working round the clock to find potential solutions over the bank holiday weekend, and I’ve been impressed, on this occasion, at the regularity of communication. Having spent several hours this morning wandering round town, in a useless daze waiting from bread to appear in the local store, the current rumor is that the Queen Elizabeth Cruise ship may be made available for passengers to get to St Helena and for some to leave. If I leave the Island on a luxury cruise ship I wont be at all disappointed, if on the other hand I leave on the wonderful RMS I will be equally happy. Right now I’m still here, and until the point comes that I get on board something and wave good bye I shall just have to continue to enjoy this land of splendid Isolation.

My quote featured in the Times this week!

Splendid Isolation? The past two weeks I have started the process of coming to terms with my imminent (maybe) departure from this wonderful Island.

#Airport #devil ray #Lots Wife Ponds #RMS St Helena

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martechadvisor-blog · 8 years ago

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5 Misused Tools That Could Be Blurring Your Vision—and Destroying Productivity

You never know just how bad your vision is until you slip on your first pair of prescription eyeglasses. Sure, you got along fine before. You weren’t constantly running into things or mistaking houseplants for people. But you may not have realized that the leaves on trees could be spotted from a distance, or that the individual bricks on a building could be discerned from across the street.

Once you get that first glimpse of a world brought into clear focus, you’re no longer satisfied with seeing trees as greenish blobs and buildings as square-ish, brownish structures.

Similarly, most marketers today don’t even think about the quality of their vision at work. They see what they can see, and they make decisions accordingly, with no other frame of reference. Until one day, they are given a glimpse of what centralized visibility looks like, and they realize how much they’ve been missing.

Visibility and insights into business efficiencies and results are the desire of every CMO. And it’s because in this intangible, digital world of knowledge work that we all inhabit, a lack of visibility can drastically undermine productivity.

Marketing managers today need the ability to clearly see who’s working on what, who’s overloaded, who has time to spare, what’s due when, how far projects have progressed toward stated goals, how expenses are tracking against the budget, and so much more. This requires the right tools, applied to the right purposes.

Unfortunately, the vast majority of marketers are overloaded with tools that are misused, underused or have been rendered obsolete by superior technology. According to a 2014 survey, 42% of marketers use 6–10 different software programs during the course of the day, another 9% use 10–15 programs, and another 9% use so many that they’ve lost track.

I’ve rounded up five of the worst offenders, which are undermining visibility and productivity in offices worldwide, and I offer a better solution for each. Which of these misused tools are clouding your vision the most?

1. An Onsite Server for Storing Digital Assets

It may be hard to believe, but almost half of creative teams say they’re not using any type of digital asset management solution. Many of the remaining 52% are relying on outdated tools that have been installed on-premises, which means they lack the flexibility, accessibility, and power of modern cloud-based systems.

If you’re still storing all digital files inside nesting folders on a private company network, your files may be accessible (while you’re in the office), but they’re certainly not very visible.

To find the asset you need, you need to first know its filename or rough date of creation. And if you don’t have the appropriate software installed on your computer, updated to the current version, you likely won’t be able to open the file if you are able to find it.

Try This Instead

Store files inside a cloud-based DAM (digital-asset management) solution. These systems enable you to preview thumbnails of stored files, share and convert files to different formats, manage permissions and lock down access, control which versions are available, and more. You can search for the file you need using filters, metadata, or keywords, then you can change the size and file type and export it—all without leaving the DAM. No additional software needed.

2. Instant Messaging for Project Questions

Instant messaging platforms, like Google chat or HipChat, certainly have their place in the modern office. They’re great for quick questions, jokes, and Internet memes. They cut down on time-consuming phone calls and face-to-face conversations. But these platforms have their disadvantages, too:

Visibility is limited only to those involved in the conversation.

Conversations are not organized by topic or work project.

They get buried inside a chronological stream of all other IM activity.

They can’t be archived alongside the other project details they pertain to.

Try This Instead

Take full advantage of the collaboration features inside your project management software. Today’s work management solutions have the power to collect and archive all comments, questions, and answers alongside the creative brief, the various versions of the assets, the final assets themselves, the budget, the schedule, and other details. This gives you one place to go for a comprehensive record of each project, from beginning to end.

3. Email for Reviews and Approvals

When email was new, it opened up a whole new world of visibility for people. You didn’t have to print and circulate multiple copies of a memo. You could send one digital copy, and everyone could see it at the same time. It was revolutionary.

Over time, the real problem became clear. Sure, you only created and sent a single memo, but as soon as it reached multiple email inboxes, there were actually many different copies in circulation. If one person made a change to the memo, all the other copies remained unchanged.

This problem is especially acute when email is used to route proofs for review and approval. Each stakeholder opens the asset and replies with their suggestions, but they have no visibility into anyone else’s comments, so they are probably either repeating or contradicting other responses.

Furthermore, some commenters hit “reply” and others hit “reply all,” which splits the email into several different threads. The original sender now has to manually comb through the scattered feedback, collect it into one place, and maybe even schedule a meeting to resolve conflicting suggestions.

Try This Instead

Digital proofing solutions, like ProofHQ, enable multiple different reviewers to comment on an asset in a shared online space—with every suggestion immediately visible to everyone else. The original sender has one place to go to view and resolve feedback, see who still hasn’t responded, and even tag missing reviewers on comments to remind them to weigh in.

4. Track Changes for Document Edits

The “track changes” feature in Microsoft Word was also revolutionary at one point. No longer did writers have to print copies of their work and wait for it to come back, covered in red ink. Instead, they could easily view each edit right on the screen, accepting or rejecting them one by one with the click of a button. Honestly, this is still a great solution if you only need a single individual to review your piece. But any time you need two or more colleagues to mark up your document, you’ll need to either:

arrange for each person to mark it up sequentially, one after the other, which is time-consuming and difficult to track, or

send it to everyone simultaneously, knowing you’ll get multiple marked up copies back that you’ll have to comb through and combine.

Try This Instead

Solve the multiple-copy problem by hosting your document on Google docs or another similar cloud-based tool. This way, all of your reviewers can edit it simultaneously and leave feedback that everyone else can see and comment upon.

If your asset goes beyond a simple text document—into the realm of pdfs, graphics, web pages, videos, and other rich-media files—you need a digital proofing solution instead.

5. A Whiteboard for Project Tracking

Some Agile purists believe that you simply can’t beat a whiteboard and sticky notes for displaying your Scrum Burndown Chart or KANBAN Work in Progress board. I don’t necessarily disagree. Centrally located whiteboards do provide a certain amount of transparency. They effectively reflect the current status of all work—as long as someone stays on top of moving those sticky notes. And they’re eye-catching, colorful, and easy to update. That sounds a lot like visibility.

However, there is a significant weakness in the whiteboard approach. Unless you set up a “whiteboard cam,” your visibility is limited only to those who are in the office—when they are in the office. If anyone works from home for a day or two, they’re in the dark. As are executives and other stakeholders. Furthermore, according to our 2016-2017 State of Enterprise Work report, 52% of workers believe that most of us will be working remotely in the near future. If that prediction turns out to be true, your whiteboard and sticky notes are definitely headed for extinction.

Try This Instead

Use an electronic version of the Burndown Chart or Work In Progress board. There are dozens of software solutions available for this. Or search out a work management solution that supports Agile, like Workfront, which includes a built-in electronic board to track team work. Then replace that whiteboard with a large, wall-mounted monitor that continuously displays your project-tracking board. This way, you have the in-office visibility you crave, plus the ability for team members to check in remotely from a laptop, tablet or phone.

The Right Prescription

People who have lived for years without glasses, navigating their environments just fine without them, find that they can’t bear to be without their lenses once they’ve seen what the world looks like with clear vision.

The same principle applies to knowledge workers who have managed just fine for years, jumping from one tool to the next, piecing together a patchwork picture of how their work is going. Once they see what centralized visibility can provide—the kind that comes through a comprehensive work management solution that combines communication, collaboration, proofing, project tracking, budgets, schedules, asset storage and more—they find they have no interest in trying to manage their work without it.

This article was first appeared on MarTech Advisor

#martech #marketing #technology #business #cmo

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viralhottopics · 8 years ago

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Right-to-Repair is ridiculous

Congrats, you got it apart. Now what?

Image: Shutterstock / PATHOMRAT PRAERIN

My co-worker, Tracey, held her iPhone like a baby bird with a bent wing.

I stared at the dark screen. The device was still on, but stuck somewhere between living technology and a dead iPhone. Tracey said that the device made a popping sound and got really hot in one corner while she was making a phone call. Then, her screen cracked, and burnt her ear. She wanted to know what to do. She explained the incident happened shortly after having third-party iPhone screen repair company iCracked replace her shattered iPhone 6 screen. iCracked was ready to let the original technician repair her phone again. I warned her against it. The phone was obviously dangerousand letting them touch it again probably wouldnt help. In fact, I thought it might hurt.

Right-to-Repair? What a ridiculous phrase. No one has the right to repair anything.

I was reminded of this episode as I read about Nebraska, the latest state to consider new Right-to-Repair legislation. If the legislation passes, it’d require Apple, Samsung, and other electronics manufacturers to supply parts and detailed repair manuals to everyone, including repair shops, and average consumers. And there are several legislative efforts like it underway around the country.

Right-to-Repair? What a ridiculous thing to say. No one has the right to repair anything. You might have the skill to repair something (something that iCracked tech might’ve lacked). And you can hand people all the schematics, instructions, and parts you want and they still wont be able to replace an iPhone battery or screen.

Another way to say it

We dont lead with that language, said The Repair Associations Executive Director Gay Gordon-Byrne.

Her organization supports Right-to-Repair legislation around the country. Gordon-Byrne, who has a bit of a DIY streak in her, agreed that repairing something isn’t a right like free speech. In fact, some of the legislation her organization sponsors is called Fair Repair. The Right-to-Repair language actually started in the auto industry. Obviously, it would be silly for us not to take advantage [of it.], she told me.

Even though the language of the legislation being pushed in Nebraska includes the word consumers and reads broadly, Gordon-Byrne insists the goal of the legislation isn’t you should repair your own stuff.

That may be so, but I worry the DIY community, the Maker community, and especially Apple-repair shop iFixitwhich stands firmly behind Right-to-Repair, and urges their site’s visitors to support itfeel otherwise.

The company, which sells an excellent line of repair tools and kits, does daily teardowns of popular consumer electronics products, and rates them on repairability. It gave the iPhone 6 a 7 out of 10 score, which makes it sound quite repairable. Of course, the teardown features 22 steps using four specialized tools you can buy, naturally, from iFixit. Its screen replacement guide for the phone features 26 steps, an $80 part, and seven tools.

Gordon-Byrne says companies like iFixit should be credited with small third-party iPhone repair services that do exist. Without the intel they provide on how these products are made and the components within them, as well as the tools and, sometimes, replacement parts they offer? There probably wouldnt even be an iCracked.

The End of Repair

When they work, sites and services like iFixit and iCracked fill in a crucial gap between the end of your iPhone warranty and buying a new iPhone. But Traceys experience makes me wonder if the entire consumer electronics repair industry is a farce. Apple and Samsung aren’t building these products to be repaired. They started with batteries that cant be removed, and continued with hidden screws. Even water-resistance flies in the face of a repair job. ‘Soon as you open that phone, you can probably kiss any real waterproofing you might’ve had goodbye.

This, for Gordon-Byrne, is a positive. Most repair is actually simpler than people expect, she told me, adding that many repairs aren’t “repairs” at alltheyre just parts replacement. If a board goes dead, the repair shop slips it out, and slides a new board in.

Shes right, but the typical consumer gamely trying to repair their iPhone wouldnt get that far in. Theyd struggle to open the device, and probably wouldnt know how to unplug the front panel that includes both the LCD and glass screen cover.

I agree, theres a shift in manufacturing that has tended to using more adhesives and more integrated parts, said Gordon-Byrne.

Its not that I dont believe in better-built products and repairability. We need tightening against planned obsolescence cyclesTV sets that once lasted 25 years now fail after five. Im also a tinkerer. Ive taken apart everything from VCRs to BlackBerry Curve phones and their classic scroll buttons. When I see moving parts, I think: repairability. Todays phones have almost no moving parts. At least the iPhone 6 had a moveable home button. The iPhone 7 and 7 Plus dont even have that.

Apple would rather just not.

Apple, which wouldn’t comment for this story, has made no secret of its distaste for the Right-to-Repair movement, lobbying against it in multiple states. Its also sought to steer people away from third-party and potentially unlicensed repair companies by lowering the cost, in the U.S., at least, of some of its own repair services (Apple doesn’t cover most cracked screens unless the crack was caused by a manufacturing defect). The company also understands just how hard it is to repair and dismantle its own products. In 2015, Apple introduced LIAM, a custom-design, iPhone-dismantling robot. Its still a prototype, and only safely dismantles an iPhone 5, but it also separates and sorts recyclable and hazardous materials. My guess is that, at some point in the not-too-distant future, iPhones will be so thin, powerful, and complex than only a robot will be able to repair them.

Opponents contend that Apple’s fighting Right-to-Repair legislation because it wants to protect trade secrets. But which ones, exactly? iFixit teardowns reveal virtually every component inside these devices. There’s clearly some stuff iFixit cannot figure out via observation. Im fine with that. Apple wanting to protect some details of its iPhone technology is no different than Kentucky Fried Chicken trying to protect its secret recipe.

DIY disasters

I think its a fair concern that Right-to-Repair laws could lead to an explosion of Radio Shack-like iPhone and Samsung electronics parts shops. Consumers will wander in with broken iPhone and Samsung Galaxy screens, and walk out with all the parts and tools they need to repair them. And they will fail, miserably.

Plus, what if a consumer’s injured during a failed repair attempt? They slice open a finger on the cracked glass, or put it back together incorrectly, so the battery fails (and maybe even explodes). Its the consumers fault, obviously, but they could also try to sue Apple or Samsung.

Gordon-Byrne laughed off my concern. I cant imagine someone going in to try and sue Apple for a finger cut, when its already clear that the phone has glass and that glass is fragile.

The Right-to-Repair movement would make a lot more sense to me if it focused solely on industrial technology. Farming and manufacturing equipment are, increasingly, filled with hard-to-repair solid-state components. When theres millions of dollars (and potentially: infrastructure) on the line, it makes sense to ensure that businesses, farms, even governments can repair this equipment, as opposed to simply having to replace it.

The Repair Association has, in fact, considered pursuing something less inclusive. Gordon-Byrne pointed me to Wyoming and Kansas, two states considering legislation tailored to farm and ranching equipment. On its Wyoming Bill page, though, The Repair Association says it would like to see the bill be adjusted to include all digital equipment.

Too new to fail

If Right-to-Repair succeeds, Gordon-Byrne sees a lot more people getting trained and going into business for themselves as technicians. It could be a booming business. It could also face one very big challenge: modern product-upgrade cycles. New smartphone manufacturer and carrier plans are encouraging consumers to upgrade their phones every year (and pay a monthly fee, so they dont notice the $700 theyre plunking down for that new iPhone). Leaving aside clear profit motives, it introduces a new possibility to our smart-phone-owning existence: More and more people will be carrying like-new phones, and repair opportunities may dwindle.

That reality’s probably years away, though, and Right-to-Repair is struggling to make its way through a handful of state legislatures, which leaves us with the somewhat dicey status quo and companies like iCracked that are, even by their own admission, feeling their way through the repair process.

The repair industry was the wild west and to some extent, it still is. Said iCracked CEO and Founder AJ Forsythe.

He was understandably alarmed about Traceys experience, noting that its not the norm. iCracked does seem obsessed with repair quality. It even captures video of its parts on the assembly line and uses barcodes to attach that footage to the final product its iTechs use in repairs.

However, iCracked, like most third-party repair companies, is still flying partially blind-folded. Since Apple doesnt provide repair manuals and certified parts to companies like his, Forsythe has made over two dozen visits to China to find the companies supplying iPhone parts. Are they the exact same parts Apple uses? A lot of the time, they are the same, said Forsythe. But Apple is well known for forcing supply partners to, sometime subtly, alter components just for them. Could Forsythe be certain his LCD panels match Apples?

As far as we know from the supply chain team over there, they are wildly similar, or the same, he told me.

Forsythe, naturally, supports Right-to-Repair. I asked him if hes comfortable with even more consumers trying to repair their own phones. He acknowledged that not everyone’s as handy and tech savvy as he is. Would I feel comfortable having my father or mother repair a phone?”

“I guess [the answer] would be how well they could follow instructions.

AND NOW, A DIFFERENT OPINION: Apple doesn’t want you to repair your iPhone because they’re money-hungry and evil.