#like ik a lot of u already realized this and I’ll probably look dumb for verbalizing this now

[akiarathewitch]

If yall rly hate award shows then stop giving them attention!!! They exist for the publicity!!! once u stop posting abt them they disintegrate!!! Ur favs doesn’t need the validation from an organization of white men!!!

[babiekeiji]

boyfriend konoha akinori!

(this is so unintentionally long i’m sorry !!!)

HHHHH okay

konoha akinori ..... is pretty hot ngl

Like i was just thinking of him this afternoon nd i was like “how do people not know about this man so much”

N. E ways

So we alr know right that during that one vb match, when akaashi isn’t able to set, it’s konoha who sets for him, thus earning him the nickname “jack of all trades, master of none”

We obviously love a well-rounded, good looking player.. and that’s exactly what konoha is

ngl he’s probably that asshole everyone has a big phat crush on

Like he’ll probably have a small circle in school nd be noisy in the hallways nd sleep in class but look so suave playing vb so he’d probably attract a lot of people

But obviously ...there is You <33

So konoha’s in math class ryt

And though konoha does study, he still kinda cheats in tests and shit jus because he doesnt wanna think sometimes yk

And you, The Smartest Of All, just happen to be his seatmate

He already knows you aren’t going to let him cheat off you

So he resorts to looking @ ur paper every once in a while

And you CATCH HIM

So ofc u go “boy if you dont stop that buffoonery rn”

“what’ll you do? tell the teacher?”

you do

and he earns himself detention

Expect konoha to be more of an asshole to you in the days to come

Like he’ll constantly bicker with you in class nd challenge your opinions

Like i said, konoha is smart, he’s jus an asshole

So konoha’s back on his bullshit right

He kind of sets this weird rivalry among you two

Says dumb shit like “i’m gonna get a higher score than u on the quiz tomorrow”

and your dumbass will always, MF ALWAYS, say, “BET”

What konoha knows is that because of this stupid rivalry of yours his whole school life is improving

He’s been studying a lot more (to beat you in exams), getting to school a lot earlier (just to spite you), and going to club often (because he needs that extracurricular)

One night you text konoha

“Why are we doing this”

Nd he knows exactly what you mean

“I don’t know what you’re talking about”

“Why do you keep trying me at shit”

“Because you’re cute when you try hard”

Best believe flirting has become a challenge to the two of you too

And this is the one (1) thing konoha KNOWS he’s good at

So the two of you start texting every night and soon you get to know each other pretty well

Konoha’s been pretty domestic, unknowingly saying shit like “ik ur ass is going to stay up trying to study for that quiz, take care of yourself.”

And BECAUSE hes saying shit like that you’ve developed a lil crush on him

Konoha has too

But that doesnt change the fact that he’s still your rival somehow

One night konoha opens up about how he feels different around you

You do too

So konoha says “if i score better than you in our quiz tomorrow will you let me take you out on a date?”

You text back, “okay, you can try ;)”

Come tomorrowits quiz time

You’re purposefully taking your sweet time, trying to get all the answers right

The problem is you’re p sure you’re going to ace this completely; like no mistakes whatsoever

So you change one of your answers to give konoha a fighting chance

Also because you really, really want konoha, the school’s resident smartass, to take you OUT

Nd maybe take u home idk

U nd konoha pass at the same time

“How well do you think you did?” Konoha

“Erm i think i did p well, how well you think you did, peabrain?”

“hA,” konoha scoffs, “you’ll see.”

Come tomorrow the scores are released

True to yourself, you only got one mistake on the quiz

Konoha ....

Konoha’s ass got half a point higher than you

29.5/30

Because he misspelled unnecessary in his essay

So obviously this boy is ELATED

Mf is levitating because finally.... he can take you out on a date after weeks of pining

But then he realizes

“YOU WENT EASY ON ME!!!!!”

“WELL DUH OFC I’D GO EASY ON YOU; I WANTED YOU TO TAKE ME OUT!!!!!!!!!!”

He grins the stupidest grin ever, “shut the fuck up, yn.”

So

Ff to when konoha is actually, properly your boyfriend

He’d probably call you up a lot at night just to hear your voice

The rivalry does not end.

Always on his bs in school; the sweetest boyfriend right after

“Hey dumbnut ready for me to crush you in this test?” to “baby you wanna go shopping? i’ll pay” real QUICK

makes you go to his matches (asshole)

Likes very minimal pda

Konoha’s waiting for you by your desk, “you wanna bet who gets more recitation points during first period? also i brought you that drink you liked from 7-11”

“baby do you know the answer to #23 of our assignment”

“no go figure it out yourself”

“yeah but whats the use of having a really really smart baby if they wont help you with your hw :T”

“.....it’s -9”

“thank you!”

buys u a lot of useless shit out of the goodness of his own heart

“look i saw this really cute fruit eraser set that actually smells like fruits...i bought it for you <3”

“my mono eraser is fine”

“yeah but i bought it for you”

“you’re helpless, you know that?”

“damn cant a guy get an i love you? i literally bought you 10 erasers”

you laugh, “okay, i love you konoha akinori, thank you for 10 fruit-scented erasers.”

“i love you more, dumbass.”

[alukaforyou]

and ALSO sry to post bs on main im mostly just talking to myself in my personal tag half the time so yolo, no need to respond to this or reassure me or whatever but these days i licherally question how much of my - sry to sound like a broken record - bs is dépression or just my shité mentality, like i rly was not designed to last, huh? physically or mentally? lol. like who gets motion sickness on swings lmao anyways. i think i give up too easily. theres a bunch of reasons y but i dont feel like saying. its a different thing to kind of kno something, and to admit / speak it (confront it). i could psychoanalyze myself all day and tell u exactly why some things are the way they are but its too unpleasant to neatly state stuff like that u kno?? like... *i kno* but im not gonna say i kno. anywho, i digress. so i give up easily and kind of have a defeatist mentality too, its so exhausting lool. actually its weird cuz duality of man, i'll be rly determined / stubborn abt doing some stuff and not care abt fear of failure with certain things but when it comes to My Life / My Future i just think i cant rly do anything? i mean that literally like i got no skillz *laugh crying emoji* not particularly good at anything, and art - the only thing im maybe arguably ok at - i dont wanna do as a career, that is art therapy for me i dont feel like commercializing it. not interested in working in my major, maybe things wouldve been different if i went to culinary or cosmetology school?? that sounds fun. or if i majored in bio cuz i was so good at that, or even if i majored in japanese language or literature or idk. but no regrets tho cuz i learned a lot abt drawing in art school which i can use for myself. and hmm i like staying home and not rly going out of my way to meet new ppl so connections what? i h8 hearing how most opportunities come through the ppl u kno cuz its true and ik like 10 ppl tops so hm very sexi of me :^) i just feel like im p much f*cked and it rly doesnt help that i have no functional dreams, goals, or aspirations nor the confidence and drive to work towards anything so ah ok cool. u kno suga's songs "the last" and "so far away" ? that p much sums up my feels minus the part abt having to deal w fame obviously LOL. its so easy being a student (for me at least) but being a good student isnt really worth a whole lot in the """""real world""""" and the current education system doesnt even rly prepare u for reality or w.e like Deep Sigh also the political climate rly lookin like shité out there like hmmmmm do i even wanna try so hard to be here anymore tho??? also going back to the self confidence thing, ya idk her LOOOOL like it doesnt very much bother me tho? i really, honest to god have no idea what my redeeming qualities even are. being nice? and my mindset re - tolerance and compassion for others, etc, ya im rly proud of that actually but besides that i mean like what can i Do tho like hm im not particularly good at anything also im hideous like uglee but thats ok too like none of this Bothers me, thats just literally how i Am so ok fine, but i feel like it makes it hard for me to exist in the world i happen to be in??? and i realize im speaking with a huge bias here cuz my brain is totally out of whack im p sure if some1 saw me / read this they would lit be like um u literally do not have it hard girl, which is fair ur kinda right actually from an objective pov, probably? its amazing how um. hard? of a time my brain is having given my relatively ok circumstances but thats just how it is ig. and if i may quote shakespeare - o full of scorpions is my mind. and its weird cuz duality of man - i actually have a lot of good times w friends and whatever i have a lot of fun, im not even very Sad or in Agony its all very a mild? sensation? but that might be because my plan b is to simply *** so nothing rly fazes me anymore lool.

its usually a v confusing emotion, im either feeling happy, or if not that, very ???? im literally that duwang quote get a feeling so complicated its just "ajdjsjsja" idk its not overly repulsive and upsetting im like :s LOL u kno wat at this point idek what im even saying anymore but its good that im writing whatever cuz im gonna need to look back on this later and organize my thoughts for presentation cuz remember i have a s.o now???? i wanna let them kno so we r on the same page, and i dont feel like im tricking them, i thought it over more and there are like 4? major cards i wanna lay out on the table early on and they are 1. im not that close w my family emotionally so do not seek their approval or expect to deal with them much. 2. personal ideology / political views like im bi lmao and pro lgbt if that wasnt obvious also i dont rly wanna be around racists / terfs etc and if ur right wing or not on that respect women juice uhhh bye.. 3. my weak ass mentality how i might Maybe *** in the future like no promise but errrr theres one more but its a little more negotiable and also too early to discuss so i wont mention it but i already got the first two outta the way so ya. theres the most troublesome of all, #3. the last thing i wanna do is traumatize someone that loves me (and i love back) with that kinda thing, its too late for my dear friends whom i love, sorry i didnt kno i was gonna be like this LOL yall already got attached but its a little different with my s.o cuz i feel like its not too late to uh.... stop getting as attached LMAO like dam i've known my girls for almost 10 years whereas i've only known my s.o for like a month.

and this is totally not gonna come across right but if my s.o very understandably desides to dump me id be SO RELIEVED LIKE WOOOO ok cool cuz like essentially what i'd be saying is you are getting attached to someone who's future is not as stable as other people, including u. *huge exhale* from the bottom of my heart, my bad lol. and then i probs wont ever get involved w. a s.o again, sorry to reference snk in 2020 but remember how e*win smith is single cuz he doesnt kno when he will ***? big mood. i have never acted out on my interests before but i was like ok for once lets go off the shits and do smth ooc, i uh... didnt expect for it to actually go anywhere tho so now im like ???? i shouldve thought it through more tho, like i felt low key irresponsible af and selfish and dumb for getting involved w. someone even tho i Know how I Am like...... Also i just lov being single and staying home and chilling alone lmao like i seriously...... never get loney....

ok so what was i talking abt? how the passage of time makes me nervous cuz idk how i can manage to keep up w it??? how i feel like i cant do jack shit???? that life is hard???? and maybe a bih just wants to rest? permanently?????? i think the most irritating part of all for me, like what i am most mad about at myself is that i have no dream. yikes. naruto, do u think thats sad? well yoongi said its okay, and what counts is just being happy, so i will console myself and forgive her and idk just try my best for the time being??