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bluewormonastring · 1 year ago

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My live reactions to season 2 (episode 2)

SPOILERS OBVIOUSLY KIDS READ AT UR OWN RISK

Okay here we go we’re totally fine doing great cool calm and collected not gonna freak out even tho I know my baby Lu Lu comes back this episode we’re fine

Starting off with a fuckin bang with the painted bride and groom from the trailer

Aww baby pushed them into the ocean

I love Su

“YESSS QUEEN IVE ALWAYS SAID SO” lmao ily buttons

Her voice is so hot omg

I love the ship of women iconic

Omg good vibes

“Your energy” that was a very lesbian thing to say

OH MY GOD LUCIUS

LU LU

MY ANGEL LUCIUS MY PRECIOUS NATHAN FOAD I LOVE YOU IVE MISSED YOU

PETES FACE AWWW

PHAHAHAHAH THEY LOOK SO DISGUSTED AT THE GUYS DOG PILE THATS SO GOOD

“And now you have a beard” “do you hate it” (HE LOOKS SO GENUINELY WORRIED AWW BABY AS IF PETE COULD EVER HATE SOMETHING ABOUT YOU) also the fact that I know Nathan was so thrilled abt getting to have the beard lmao “I love it”

AWWWWWWWWWWWW STOP I LOVE THEM SO MUCH THIS REUNION IS SO GOOD

STOP YOU CAN TELL HOW HEARTBROKEN PETE WAS AND HOW RELIEVED HE IS

The cut to the rest of them just watching lmaooooo

“What exactly happened to you Lucius” “I was- I fell… off the ship” NOT HIM PROTECTING STEDE FROM HEARING WHAT ED DID AWW

“Lucius… I’m overqualified for towels”

YES BUTTONS U ICON

“I had a very rough night last night” lmaoo I was waiting for that

OH MY GOD HE HAD TOLD FRENCHIE TO KILL IZZY WHAT THE FUCK

Oh my god is it gonna be iz in the walls instead of Lucius lmfao

Oh my god Izzy resisting their help lmao Izzy shut the fuck up u stupid little boy I love you

“WHICH ONE” “OH DEFINITELY THE FUCKED UP ONE I THINK THAT ONES ALRIGHT” “IM NOT A FUCKING IDIOT” PHAHAHAHHA

Idk who this girl is but she’s v much giving Edward Teach (but like happy in love Ed teach not heartbroken Ed teach) but w tits and I’m here for it

Well this is disgusting

Did NOT need these sound effects tyvm

“Maggie… Jane… tif… give us the room” OOOO LU IS IN A MOOOOOD

“FUCK YOU THATS HOW I AM” Lucius we do not need this hostility right now

I guess he wasn’t protecting stede cause he’s fine w saying it now

*AGGRESSIVE TAPPING* “HE PUSHED ME”

“You broke him when you left and then he broke me. Everything that’s happened to me since has been your fault” shiiiiiiiiiiit lu

THAT DRAMATIC STOP IN THE DOOR IK WE FEEL SHITTY RN BUT THE GIRLBOSS NEVER STOPS W NATHAN FOAD

“Right what have we here” “hey 😋🙂😄” ily again ed

*genuinely concerned* “is someone injured” ed lmao

ED UR SCARING ME STOP

Aww Izzy my baby

“What’s your interest in this guy anyways he seems like a bit of a dick” “He is. But he’s our dick” AWWW

STOP I CANT HANDLE THE FLASHBACKS AWW JIMMMMMMM

OH MY GOD

I THOUGHT THEY WERE HOT TOGETHER BUT I WAS LIKE NO NO NO THE WRITERS WOULDNT DO THAT TO OLU

“What was that for” lmaooooo

JIM NO WHAT I DIDNT THINK THEYD KISS HER BACK WHAT THE FUCK DONT DO THIS TO OLU RIGHT AFTER A FLASHBACK THING ABOUT HIM

HOW COME THE ONE FUCKING TIME IM LIKE “OH THEYD BE CUTE TOGETHER” AND IT ACTUALLY HAPPENS ITS FUCKING CHEATING NO JIM THATS NOT COOL JESUSSSSSS

Holy shit Edward leave Izzy the fuck alone he can’t defend himself right now

Ed had these like moments of going back to how we was before

Is su gonna try to get with him

I LOVE THAT OTHER GIRL I DONT KNOW HER NAME I FORGOT IT BUT I LOVE HER

“We eat but how often do we taste”

*holding a joint* “yeah the broths pretty wild” lmao Lucius ur such a little bitch I love you

Nathan Foad is like actually acting now that’s crazy like he’s not just being his goofy little self

“Jesus christ stede keep your pants on”

“so babe you smoke now?” “Do I? Oh yeah I must’ve picked it up somewhere or something I don’t know” LU UR SO EMO OMG

“Look at his beard Mr cool” stede is using every tool in his cute little handy manny tool chest to get Lucius to like him again and he’s failing spectacularly

“Being captained by jiang it really makes the shitty pathetic incompetent captain stand out”

“My spicy little rat boy” “NEVER FUCKING CALL ME THAT” holy absolute shit lu. My jaw dropped so fast. I simply cannot wait to hear the undoubtably traumatic backstory behind that name. Something to do w what he had to do to survive for sure

“I’m gonna go… fix something… in towels” “what the hell is going on in towels”

Omg Izzy’s awake

“Are you here to take the other one?”

Holy shit what’s going on

Oh my god both of them are so fucking mentally ill it’s insane

Ed’s guilt once again showing itself in fucking insane ways

Fuck offff no matter how much Ed has hurt Izzy he can’t kill him because he LOVES HIM FUCKKKKKKKK

Oh Izzy that crazy laugh you wacko I love you “too scared eddy? Too scared to do it yourself? Eh? Go on clean up your own fucking mess I’m not doing it. I’ve been doing it my whole fucking life.” YES IZZY TELL HIMMMMMM

HOW FUCKING DARE U TRY TO MAKE ME THINK IZZYS KILLED HIMSELF HOW DARE YOU NO THATS SO MEAN

“I loved you” I’m sorry but absolutely fuck all the way off Ed. No. Fuck you. I don’t care.

I can’t tell what he said after I loved you ngl

“Take the day off brother. Go live” TURNS RIGHT THE FUCK INTO A STORM WHILE STARING OFF TO THE HORIZON RESTING HIS CHIN ON HIS ARM LMFAO

“Oh stede bonnets giving me relationship advice”

“I’ve got an ex wife, 2 messed up kids probably” lmfaooo

“Sounds like you’re quite the fuck up pal”

“If I start I don’t know what’s gonna come out.” Aww my precious baby boy but I’m sorry I can’t take Nathan foad seriously like look at the goofy little dude being serious it’s weirdddd

“One doesn’t just survive at sea. One has to do things… horrible things” IF SOMEONE FUCKED HURT HIM ISTG

AH WHAT THE FUCK THEY ATE THE DOG AND HE BECAME THE DOG THATS SO MUCH MORE GROSS THAN I THOUGHT ITD BE THATS HORRIBLE

Stede desperately trying to take back telling him to say it lmao

OH MY GOD THE PUPPET THING I HATE THAT I WAS HOPING THEY WERENT GONNA GO DOWN THAG ROUTE JESUS

“IT WASNT EVEN A CHILD IT WAS JUST A VERY SMALL MAN 🤦‍♂️”

EDWARD YOU GOT RID OF THE WHEEL OH MY GOD

“I WANT YOU TO FIGHT HER TO THE DEATH” Edward oh my god

Aww yay lu is chill now

“I think I hurt him pretty bad” “maybe. Maybe the time he spent with you is the best it’s ever gonna get for him”

“AWWW THATS TOO BAD” “YOU WERE GONNA DO IT ANYWAY” “I WAS HAHGAHA I WAS”

Living for the dramatically being swept in different directions

YES IZZY HANDS

OH MY GOD WAIT HE HAD ACTUALLY DONE IT HED BE DEAD WHAT NO I DONT LIKE THAT

Oh shit the fuckin cannonball

“Finally” nooo I don’t like that

Why did I flinch when they brought it down tho

See you kids next time xX

My live reactions to season 2 (episode 1)

SPOILERS OBVIOUSLY KIDS READ AT UR OWN RISK

Holy shit I’m so excited

Oh my god

Oauxbwkxjwhz

LOVE THE BLACK SCREEN W A SHARP CUT TO THE BEACH 10/10

OMG WE GET THE STEDE AND IZZY BEACH SWORD NOW? SO SOON? YOU SPOIL ME OFMD

Omg he’s been stabbed this is for sure a dream sequence

STEDE THATS MURDER EVEN IF ITS JUST IN YOUR HEAD

“You absolute twa….” BEST DYING WORDS EVER ILY IZZY ALWAYS AND FOREVER

THE SLOW RUN TOWARDS EACH OTHER OMG

AND STEDES FACE AND HIS VOICE AND AWW BABY

AWWW THE WAY THEY CRASHED INTO EACH OTHER

“BABE” HA FOWIHXBWNA I WAS NOT PREPARED

“I KNEW YOUD FIND ME LOVE”

“Fuckin love the beard mate”

Oh we’ve started farting lovely

OH MY GOD I WASNT PREPARED FOR HOW ID FEEL WHEN IT CUT TO HIM WITH EVERYONE AWW MY BABIES IVE MISSED YOU SO MUCH

“Cant be worse than you moaning ‘Ed oh ed’ all night” ILY PETE

Iconic title screen as always

“DEAR ED” AHHHH

SPANISH JACKIE ILY

Instantly taking an interest in the Swede as we knew would happen but still iconic

Ugh I love Leslie jones did I mention I love Leslie jones

Nat looks so scared aww baby

I love wee John being security

And host stede aww baby

I live for black Pete dealing with working in customer service

And all of them tbh

Aww poor buttons he needs his ocean and Livy

I’m ngl for a second I was like “where’s Fred armisen- oh wait”

ITS THE I THINK OF YOU OFTEN LINE YESS

HELLO YES I ADORE IZZY HANDS HE CAN DO NO WRONG IDC WHAT YOU SAY IVE MISSED MY BABY BOY

Ahh the wedding

“Demon? *shakes head* I’m the fucking devil” AHH

Guys were only 6 minutes in and this post is already long as shit so buckle up (if ur actually reading it lmao my ass would be like nope too long”

THERES MY VICO HELLO VICO ILY AND MY JOEL FRY ILY BABIES

Ah yes ye olde put trauma in a box in lock it

Awww fang baby boy someone give him a hug find him Lucius

Omg it’s the “you dumped him” scene

“Did everyone get some cake” because he’s still our precious little angle

HE JUST SNORTED RHINO HORN IS THAT A THING WAS THAT A THING IN HISTORY HUH

NO ITS THIS SCENE I DONT WANNA WATCH MY BABY BE SAD

Yes hello I love Izzy hands I would protect him with my life little baby boy

Vico looks so done w his ass

Someone give my baby a hug

Ily fang

The tears in his eyes during “unhand me” aww Angel

AWW IZZY

CONNOTHAN O NONNATHAN WE LOVE YOU YOU PRECIOUS LITTLE BOY UR ABSOLUTE PERFECTION YOU ANGEL

I love the friendship Jim and that girl have

Oh shit Jackie

“BOO CAKES” JACKIE

Stede honey you’re not intimidating

“I know that guy we had breakfast together” “you’ll be having a lot of breakfastes together” “oh okay 🙂” ily Swede

HIM DOING AN ED IMPRESSION LMAO “could be. Could be mate.”

“You’re my hero” 😞😕🙂😏

Swede bein a cute lil double agent

AWW SWEDE “my time with Jackie has been the happiest of my life. Her love has helped me locate parts of myself I didn’t even know existed and reclaim others that I have long missed” ILY

“Tonight is my turn to perform the husbandly duties”

“That’s another toe” ED YOU STAY AWAY FROM HIM LEAVE MY BABY ALONE

“Who am I to you” aww Izzy Angel baby he’s accepting it OMG “I have love for you Edward” IZZY YOURE SAYING IT OUT LOUD IM SO PROUD OF YOU BUD

IZZY YOU DID NOT JUST SAY TALK IT THROUGH YOU HAD TO HAVE KNOWN THAT WAS A HORRIBLE IDEA

OMG AND THE SHIFT IN THE MUSIC AS SOON AS HE SAID IT

IZZY RUN

RUN MY BABY BOY RUN

“As a crew” OH EDDDDD

ED DONT POINT A GUN AT JIM

OR ANYONE ELSE

THAT INCLUDES YOURSELF EDWARD TEACH BORN ON A BEACH

“They think ya crazy” cackling his face omg

Go taika absolutely slaying this scene

The way the camera is all like jittery is so good

Jim’s like “beard” makes their chin look like… not caved in but idk like it looks like they have a rly bad overbite yk

“Everyone knows why” “I don’t. Enlighten me” “your feelings for stede fucking bon-“ *GUNSHOT* ARE U SHITTING ME EDWARD NO WE DO BOT SHOOT FRIENDS

OH MY GOD HE MADE FRENCHIE FIRST MATE HOLY SHIT

Oh my god Izzy my poor baby Izzy oh my god how dare you hurt my Izzy

LMAO SWEDE

“FUCK THOSE HAMMIES UP” LMAO

There’s like no way there’s actually anything valuable in that chest

WE GOT TO SEE HER TAKE A NOSE FOR THE NOSE JAR YESSS

OH SHIT INDIGO

“Now give me back my blue shit STEVE”

Susan’s hot

DONT HURT SWEDE

Oh good okay we’re cool

I feel like she’s lying tho

But for now we’re cool

AWW FANG

AWW JIM COMFORTING FANG

“WANNA HEAR THE STORY OF THE WOODEN BOY” AWW

Living for vico using they them for the puppet

“DO THE VOICE” AWW

OMG VICO THATS ICONIC

AWW YAY THEYRE LAUGHING NOW THOSE ARE MY BABIES YAY

Living for buttons reuniting with the ocean

Okay roll credits cheers yall see you next episode

#ofmd #ofmd s2 #ofmd season 2 #our flag means death #our flag means death season 2 #ofmd season 2 spoilers

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spacedlexi · 3 years ago

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I'm scared Tillie will declare Clem a lesbian even though she's canonically bisexual

ok the asks are really comin in sfkjs i dont want to talk about this much more because it frustrates me BUT theres something that makes me especially upset about these new romances that i feel the need to mention (and havent seen anyone else bring up):

in s4, the writers were very deliberate in giving the players as much control over the season as they could. this also applied to the romances, and even if clem got into a romance AT ALL. yes you had to at least Befriend violet or louis, but the romance was a Choice (a choice i can never pass up shdfskd let my bby be happy). clementine can end the season without ever getting into a relationship

but skybound is claiming these comics are canon. and they are very focused on the romance/sexuality aspect of the comic (based on the synopsis and panels where theyve talked about it). which means, whatever romances happen in this comic, and whoever clem might end up with (because who knows what they plan on writing), will in the eyes of skybound BE CANON

and that REALLY pisses me off. just like everything else ive read about this comic, im waiting for them to rehash the romance arc of s4 as well. im waiting for them to do the same thing where you had to chose between violet or louis, but instead this time clem will have feelings for another boy and girl (im assuming amos is the boy, unless they end up making him an aj surrogate, we dont know anything but his name and that hes amish?). and the sexuality focus will be about clem and her bisexuality (and choosing between them?)

louis and violet are great options for clem. i love them both. and i liked that louis and violet were already close friends before clem even arrived. theyre important to each other, which is made clear by the speeches they have about each other in ep 3. so theres not really any competition between them, except for probably some teasing (like louis looking at violet when he asks clem if she has a crush on anyone). i bet they talked with each other about their clem crushes behind the scenes. and thats really sweet! i love louis and violets relationship. theyre best friends!!

and in regards to clem, her bisexuality is just... a part of her? its never brought up in some grandiose way. she just... is bisexual. and i love that about her. theres no "oh no is it weird to like girls?? IM A GIRL??" because she grew up in the apocalypse, and wouldnt really have had those ideas pushed onto her. she just likes who she likes. sometimes its nice to have representation where people are confident in their sexuality? and not having to see them struggle with it? theres room for both forms of representation obviously, but we dont really see much of characters just being confident in themselves (especially without first struggling through it). so im afraid that tillie (since shes the sole writer?), is gonna make a Big Deal out of it....

so yeah. TLDR im mad that violet/louis (who are great characters) are determinant, while these new romance characters will be "canon". and im afraid theyre gonna turn clems confidence in her sexuality into hesitation/a plot point. like i didnt get into the walking dead for romance. i got into it because it was an interesting story with interesting characters. and im not thrilled that they plan on putting a focus on romance and sexuality. the romance in s4 was just a nice surprise that lent to the theme of finding a family and a home, not a focal point...

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afewmarvelousthoughts · 6 years ago

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Stay Ch. 16

Master List

Pairing: Natasha X Reader (Female)

Summary: You have a gift, the ability to see other people’s innermost secrets. For years you used it to gather intel for the highest bidder when you take on The Widow. After she becomes more than a mark the two of you spend years stealing moments. Post snap you wait in your designated meeting place, look back on the sordid past you share with the woman you love and hope against everything that she’s still alive.

Warnings: Angst, and fluff, and feels oh my!

A/N: So yeah I swear I wroth an authors note for this... but idfk what happened.

ANYWAY! Thank you all for being so patient while I got my life together. This one is also short and sweet (guess that’s the mood I’m in). However, y’all should know me by now. This is just the calm before the storm.

Hope you enjoy this one my pumpkins!

Tags are open!

@mywinterwolf @disagreetoagree @breezy1415 @peachthatdrinkslemonade @5aftermidnight@jeromethepsycho @marvel-randomness @daniellajocelyn @katecolleen @yanginginthere@wonderlandmind4 @piensa-bonito @for-the-love-of-the-fandom @lesbian-girls-wayhaught @siriuslycloudy2

March 2007

At some point in the last five months, you’d stopped recognizing yourself. The woman in the mirror wasn’t Y/N. Her hair was different, down to even the eyebrows. Her accent distinctly that of a life long Londoner. She worked for an independent UK couture fashion magazine, chose wine over whiskey, and was distinctly heterosexual.

When the chance to work this job requiring deep cover came up in December you jumped on it. You didn’t want to be you anymore. The you that couldn’t be with the woman you loved. The you that was heartbroken. The you who was beginning to doubt that you’d ever be happy. Fuck her.

Being Charlie Daniels was far better. She was, of course, a real person. Just one who was now living comfortably in the Bahamas courtesy of MI6. Even legit agencies had use of freelance talent every now and then.

Settling into her life had been easy. Not setting her boss on fire or blowing his brains out daily was a different task altogether. Turned out that a magazine was a great front for a crime empire. Lots of international travel, young and beautiful and desperate men and women, money exchanged in countless untraceable ways, on and on. And this fucker was happy to take advantage of every single disgusting avenue it opened up.

You almost had everything you needed to hand to MI6, get your obscenely large payout, and get on to another gig while they threw all of these bastards into cells to rot for the rest of their miserable lives. Just one more trip. After whatever horrible things they lay out in Tokyo you’ll be set.

Tokyo is one of those cities you can lose yourself in. Like New York but better for its interesting balance of vibrancy and grounded reserve. You absolutely love it.

The whole point of the trip, at least on the surface, was to focus on Fashion Week Tokyo. Honestly, there was a part of you that wished this was your world. Nothing but runway shows and after parties. Writing about the latest trends rather than delving into the inner workings of the worlds miscreants

Oh well. It was nice enough to pretend. You had to admit that you’d miss Charlie Daniels once you shed this skin in a couple of weeks.

You’re sitting two people down from your boss at an underground show. The level of security here screams that there are other things going on behind the scenes but it’s still a room filled with a who’s who of the Japanese and international fashion communities.

This was your third show of the day, and you knew there would be a party after where you’d have to schmooze all while plucking information from your unsuspecting fellow guests. You’re exhausted. So rather than pay much attention to the show you let your mind wander.

When she walks out you feel her rather than see her. Slowly you turn your head to stare dumbstruck at the model walking onto the catwalk. Your heart begins beating against your ribs, your mouth goes dry, your hands shake.

It takes every ounce of control you have to keep your emotions in. To not scream “Natasha!” at the top of your lungs. To not grab her and run for the hills. Charlie Daniels and her easy life be damned. It’s hard but you manage.

As she turns and comes back down, passing now closer to you, her eyes don’t graze the crowd at all. Head up, shoulders back, she walks the runway like she’d been doing it for years.

The rest of the show is maybe ten minutes but it feels like years. You know the models are all attending the party. Eye candy for the high end guests.

It’s fairly easy to ditch your coworkers in the crowd as you try to find the best vantage point in the room without being too obvious. After a solid twenty minutes, you find yourself planning an escape route. Most of the models are milling about but she’s no where to be seen. You will find her.

But you know you can’t skip out just yet. At the bar, you order a red wine and make yourself seen. Charlie would never miss the whole party after all. You spend a bit chatting with designers and a few models, feigning interest in the whole thing until you hear your boss call out to you.

“Oy, Charlie!” Carl’s voice alone makes you want to put him down. When you turn he’s waving you over to the bar. Sighing heavily you head over.

You’re about ten feet away when you see her, head back laughing at something Carl or his friend had said. Both men are far to close to her for your liking and the hungry look on Carl’s face sets your blood boiling.

He slings an arm around your shoulders and you carefully coach your face to not show disgust. “Charlie here is my best writer. Doin’ some pieces for us on this whole thing,” he waves his other hand around wildly.

“Good to meet ya, Charlie, I’m Dan,” the other man, clearly American says.

“Likewise,” Natasha doesn’t react to the accent at all.

“This here is-”

“Natalie,” Natasha cuts him off, extending a hand to you. Holding her eyes with yours you take it. It’s like touching a live wire.

“Natalie is an American model working here in Japan. May be a good topic for a piece.” He ribs you leaning closer, “And a good piece for the office eh?” Suddenly that MI6 money seems far less appealing.

“I’d love that,” Natasha beams. “Why don’t you guys go mingle and Charlie and I can chat!” The men exchange a glance, but there’s plenty of fresh meat around to sink their teeth into.

Carl flashes you a greasy smile and a wink as he walks away. Thinking clearly that you’re going to snare this woman for him. You, unfortunately, had a few others. Not something you were proud of. Demands of the job you told yourself.

“She’ll take a vodka neat,” you tell the bartender.

“Yes,” Natasha smiles at him, “Whiskey for her. Makers if you have it.” He thinks nothing of it and makes your drinks.

“So, how’s modeling in Japan?”

“Probably about as good as writing for a sleazy jackal.”

You laugh, “That bad? What’s the goal.”

“Getting a cover,” you commend the clever word play.

“That’s a good goal. Long term?”

“Something like that.” She takes a sip of her vodka, “How long are you here?”

“End of the week.” Your skin itches to touch her. The men are rounding back. You hold her gaze and shift your eyes back to them. She catches on.

“Perfect! It’s so hard to have a good interview here, don’t you think?”

“Absolutely. Why don’t you come by my hotel?” You whip out your spare key card. “I’d love to get your story for the mag, maybe do a full feature.”

“A feature would be excellent exposure!”

“Wouldn’t it?” Carl slides up next to her. “We can get you all the exposure you could want Ms. Natalie.”

“Charlie was telling me all about it.” She flashes him a coy smile. “Thank you so much Charlie! I forgot I have a late fitting tonight for another show so I’ve got to run. But we’ll chat soon yeah?”

“Absolutely! It was so good to meet you Natalie.”

“Same! Bye!” She hurries through the crowded room and disappears.

“Busy girl.” Carl quips. “Whiskey?” You look down at the glass by your hand.

“Some guy sent them over,” you gesture to Natasha’s lipstick stained glass. “Seemed rude to refuse. Can’t stand the stuff though.”

“That’s a mans drink,” Carl laughs at his own perceived joke and you force a smile.

Somehow you make it through the rest of the evening. You’d refused to allow yourself to hope that she’d be here, too obvious to come the same night, better to wait. Kicking off your shoes you head straight to the mini bar and crack open a whiskey, downing it in one gulp.

“You really need to be more careful,” Natasha’s voice comes from the bathroom. “I mean not even checking around. Sloppy.”

“Charlie Daniels doesn’t have to check for Russian assassins in her bathroom,” a smile pulls your face so tight it hurts.

“Well, Natalie Rushman isn’t a Russian spy. So…”

You let your real accent resurface as you pull her into your arms, “Natalie Rushman, I don’t know if that’s clever or lazy.” She kisses you hard, tongue sliding over your lips hands gripping your ass.

“Mmm,” she hums. “Kinda like the accent.”

“Oh?” You revert to the clipped posh Londoner sound. “Would you rather be with Charlie? I hate to break it to you, she’s strictly into dick so you may need to get a bit creative.”

Natasha’s head falls back with laughter, “I’m always into a challenge but,” she cups your face in her hands, “I’d much rather Y/N, she’s got a cute accent too.” Your kiss is soft this time, “I missed you.”

“I missed you too, honey.” Gently you push a strand of hair out of her face. “Is this smart? Are you gonna get-”

“I’m good. I wouldn’t be here if I thought there was risk.” She pulls away and tugs you toward the bed. “There’s no surveillance on me here, I check in every week, that’s it. This is strictly to build a cover.”

“Cover for what?” She gives you a sideways glance. “Right. National security.”

“Do you really want to talk about work?”

Smirking at her you push her back on the bed. “Maybe later.”

You lean down to her but she stops you by planting a strappy heel in the center of your chest. Trailing your fingers down her leg you snag a knife from her thigh holster. Carefully you slide the blade under the straps, the incredibly sharp edge cuts through the thin suede like it’s nothing.

“Those were very expensive you know,” eyes sparkling with desire.

You slip the shoe off and toss it aside. “I’ll buy you a new pair.” Your lips press against her ankle.

Everything in your life until her was so fleeting. Even your own name, the sound of your own voice, who you were… But with her, you were grounded. You weren’t anything but her’s, you were Y/N.

Suddenly you’re overwhelmed. Caressing her muscular calf you just stare at her eyes. Emerald green, dark liner, lids heavy with lust and exhaustion.

“Natasha…” Your voice cracks and you fight for composure.

“Y/N? What is it?” She shoots up, cradling your face in her hands.

You shake your head, unable to really find the words and unwilling to send this storm of emotions to her. “I just…” You cover her hands with your own. It’s not that you don’t want her, you do. But…

“Can we just… I just wanna hold you…” Her expression immediately softens, eyes sparkling a touch with tears. “Sorry… I… I just…”

“I’d love that, baby.” Tenderly her lips brush yours, then your cheeks, your forehead, your eyelids as they flutter closed.

You shed your clothes and crawl into the plush bed. Holding tight to one another you spend hours drifting in and out of sleep, covering the other with soft kisses. Before the sun rises your hands wander southward.

This time you don’t fuck one another senseless. It feels like you’re trying to memorize every curve, every sound, every subtle thing that marks being together. You both know you many not get to do this for some time. The knowledge aches but it doesn’t make having her any less sweet.

Post Snap

You lean your head back on the wall behind the booth. The crying man from last night is gone, you find yourself hoping that he’s resting peacefully somewhere… even though you know it’s pointless to hope for such things.

There are more people filling the bar than there was before. The TVs are off, radios turned up, reporters frantically trying to determine what happened. It was global, that was clear. All planes grounded, trains stopped, communications spotty due to damaged cell towers.

A man speaks frantically to someone who seems to be a friend that he was heading to Nuremberg from Budapest, how the roads are almost not navigable. He doesn’t know if his family is even still there but he has to find out.

Despite his distress, your lips curl a bit at the mention of Budapest.

#natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff #natasha x reader #black widow #queer fic #wlw

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curly-q-reviews · 6 years ago

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VALENTINES DAY SPECIAL

Below Her Mouth, 2016 (dir. April Mullen)

WARNING SPOILERS AND LOTS OF SEX TALK AHEAD TREAD WITH CAUTION

HEY Y’ALL we interrupt the regular programming for a special feature!! i always like to do a lil valentines day special viewing for the sake of being festive and for once ive actually gotten some dating action in my life so i was in the mood to watch some sweet romance and then review it for ur reading pleasure (emphasis on the PLEASURE ehugeguehgehgeugeghe) (assassinate me now i deserve it)

to preface this, i am VERY gay. well uuhhh bi but a very GAY bi u know?? basically i curse my attraction to men every waking moment of my life. ive known about this since my last few years of college and am out to basically everyone whos important, and a lot of my friends are lgbtq+ so u know its official and everything. i dont really claim to be a Gay Expert cause i actually am still lacking a lot of uuhhh physical experience if u catch my drift HOWEVER like a true scholar i have done my fair share of research. which mainly includes watching really shitty lesbian movies and mocking them (and every so often watching a rare Good Lesbian Movie and crying A LOT).

if u are of sapphic inclination as well then u probably already know the kind of reputation lesbian romance movies have overall, the prime examples of which would be movies like Room in Rome and Loving Annabelle. these movies all seem to have one thing in common, and its that the directors and writers have no goddamn clue about how to write a convincing and authentic lesbian romance. u also always get the sense that the male gaze is the one being prioritized cause theres always PLENTY of gratuitous sex and the romance part itself is uuhhhh never really developed well or thoroughly enough at all. these movies are usually about a straight girl who discovers her affinity for the feminine when she meets a total stranger and suddenly cant stop thinking about how much she wants to bang her. and then in-between all the banging they somehow find the time to fall madly in love with each other but the straight girl just CANT cause shes STRAIGHT or she has a FIANCE or her PARENTS wouldnt approve or whatever the fuck the conflict of the day is and either it ends with them never seeing each other again or with the straight girl coming to terms with her not-straightness and ***follow her heart*** or whatever

really the only lesbian movies i can recall actually enjoying would be Pariah (PLEASE check this movie out its so heart-wrenching and beautiful and its like a majority-black cast!!!) and Blue Is the Warmest Color (this one i loved at first but the more i reflect on it the more problems i find with it, ESPECIALLY with how much sex is in it). and then The L Word is a stellar tv series up until like the last few seasons which are trash but otherwise it was a great watch for me, especially while i was still figuring things out. i feel like there are more that ive seen that were pretty good but i cant think of them at the moment WHOOPS LOL

so with Below Her Mouth i was apprehensive but hopeful going in, although i had heard rumors that it was Real Bad. and u know i shouldve listened to those rumors and not bothered with this movie cause WOW its bad!!! script is TRASH, acting is TRASH WITH FEBREEZE SPRAYED ON IT, and it looks like an artsy pretentious film student shot it. natalie krill had maybe one good acting moment in the whole 90-minute run time and erika linder is really really hot and those are the only two good things i can think to say about this

fuck ok uuhhh i guess ill talk about the main characters cause OH WOW theyre basically two walking talking cliches. jasmine (yes her name is jasmine that totally doesnt sound like the name of a character in a porn at all) is our Token Straight Girl who has a fiance and is a fashion editor. she first sees our other romantic lead while working on the roof of a house next door to hers. shes ur typical Lesbian Romance Movie Butch, too cool for school and unable to commit to anyone ever and is kind of an asshole but somehow this is supposed to endear u to her. oh and guess what her name is. just guess. ill give u a few minutes.

DALLAS ITS FUCKING DALLAS HOOWEE WHAT A SHOCKER

the first thing we see of dallas, and this is also the first fuckin shot of the movie, is her uuhhh scissoring her girlfriend??? humping her????? i really dont know what shes trying to accomplish but shes clearly not having any fun while doing it and her girlfriends like “i love u” and shes like “im moving out bye” and thats it

real compelling i know

so jasmine and her bff manage to stumble upon the lesbian bar in town (which dallas calls a girl party??? why??????) where dallas meets her and proceeds to be completely and utterly creepy in ways ive only ever seen men be which is the first indicator that the person who made this movie, april mullen, is maybe not gay at all (or maybe she is and just has horrible taste?? idk man). but somehow the creepiness is a real turn on for ol’ jazzy and they start making out IMMEDIATELY but then jasmines like “i have a fiance gotta go!!!!” and yeets herself out of the situation

but of course this is a lesbian romance so u know they meet up again and proceed to have like half an hours worth of steamy gratuitous porn-style sex. there was a lot of strap-on action involved and a lot of bizarre scissoring that i dont even think i can call scissoring cause it was more like they were just weirdly bumping their vagoos against each other and somehow that was getting them both off. like sometimes the sex scenes in this movie bordered on tommy wiseau levels of weird.

oh and of course the fiance finds out about this secret love affair but WOW do they really do this in the most dramatic and unintentionally hilarious way possible. he literally comes home early from his business trip and walks in on dallas going to town on jasmine with a strap on in the bath tub, like theyre ferociously going at it. i swear to god i felt like i was watching a comedy at times with this movie

piggybacking off of that, jesus christ this script is bad. ooooohhhh its so bad. dallas is given the cringiest tough guy lines, like shes drinking beers with a friend and the friend is like “oh man i gotta catch up to u” and, hilariously, dallas is like “you cant catch up cause nO oNe WiLl EvEr CaTcH mE” and i almost choked on my own saliva. oh god wait heres another zinger, so when she first meets jasmine shes like “do u come to girl parties often (again why the everloving FUCK is she calling it a girl party????)” and jasmines like “i don’t come at all” and the next thing to come out of dallas’s suave sexy mouth is “TeRriBLe NeWs CaN i ChAnGe ThAt FoR yOu” OH my GOD

and good god shes so creepy. like some of the shit she pulls is borderline sexual assault. her and jasmine are just at a bar chillin and dallas reaches down and im like “oh ok shes gonna like put her hand on her knee classic move” but NOPE OH NO she just makes a beeline STRAIGHT for jasmines crotch IN THE MIDDLE OF A BAR!!! THERE ARE PEOPLE AROUND!!!!!! OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!

at one point after another round of passionate lovemaking dallas brings jasmine back to her house and theyre in dallas’s truck and they just?? slap each other??? for no reason????? except for True Love i guess????????????

jesus. just. this was an experience. i would say dont bother watching it but i did at least have fun making fun of it so if thats ur sort of thing knock ur socks off, its on netflix. but wow this basically fits the stereotype of a lesbian romance movie PERFECTLY, and when u really break it down its just a fancy porn. i wouldnt even say its a porn geared towards actual wlw cause theres so many elements about the sex scenes that reminded me of the kind of lesbian porn thats made for straight men to jack off to. 0/10 BAD BYE

well shit ok i hope u all had a great valentines day!! im gonna go start a roofing business in the hopes that i end up working on a roof of a house thats right next to a really hot straight girl with a fiance so i can try to finger-bang her in the middle of an occupied bar wish me luck!!!!!

#curly q reviews #valentines day special #valentines day #lgbtq #lesbian #romance #films #below her mouth #netflix

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pursuitofbrattiness-blog · 7 years ago

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Second

Things have been stressful but otherwise pretty decent lately. My bf and I celebrated our first anniversary together and now we are beginning to look for places come August 1st. I started therapy weekly for the time being. My first real appointment is on the 29th. It's crazy how long this journey has taken. I always thought when you're in a dire situation like needing mental help or being suicidal that they swooped in and actually took care of you. Luckily there have been no copay so far, but my bill from the emergency behavioral outreach and the hospital have totaled $2400+. I keep saying I was taken involuntarily and I was, but it's not like I didn't need the help. The bills are a sobering reminder of where I was versus where I need to be. Sometimes I sit back and think where did my life go? I'm 27 now and don't see a very promising future, except if you are thinking in terms of retail management. My poor choices have limited me so much in my future. I have a poor credit score and work a job $3 ish dollars over minimum wage, so in turn I live in a shit hole, drive a shitty car, and have an overall shitty life. I try not to be mad or have any resentment toward anyone. Who am I kidding? I did this all to myself. Everything. So therefore I am the only one who can help myself get out of it. I used to do so much. Martial arts, honors student, gifted writer, won the geography bee, etc etc. And then everything just kind of ... changed. Gradually. I remember when I started dating. My first bf and I are still very good friends to this day. We were together for like two years. That is, if I could find him. This was before everyone had cell phones. You actually had to work for it. Anyway he came out of the closet and left me. I was unhappy at first but soon came to realize that I would be even more unhappy in a sham relationship and if I truly do love him for who he is (which I still do, always.), then I should be happy with him trying to find his own happiness. I feel like my existence is made up of chapters and each chapter is named after the boy or man I chose to be with in that period of time. I used relationships as a way to identify myself for so long that I lost touch with who I really was as a person. I'm not sure if I've still even found that girl yet. Overall I had a pretty decent childhood. We were never rich, but my parents always made sure we had everything we needed. My older sister and I each received an LL Bean backpack when we started first grade and we were expected to maintain it and keep it throughout elementary school, we had chores, after school program, etc. I started going to camp when I was around 8 and continued until 17. I took martial arts and aspired to do something with my life. My parents pushed us a lot though, and it was sometimes hard on us girls. They expected us to socialize and play outside with the other kids. When I was like maybe 5 I met the neighbor kids. It was soon after that I knew about sex, knew what a blow job was, and just generally things a 5 year old shouldn't know. I would say that one of the single worst memories I have in my entire life is this: Couldn't have been more than 6 years old at the time. The neighbor boy asked if I wanted to see something. He wasn't even that much older than me. Maybe 7? 8? It's really kind of fuzzy after 20 years. Anyway, of course I wanted to see something. He led me into the back hall to the apartment building we lived in and pulled down his pants, exposing his penis. He said now you. I wasn't exactly sure what to do or say. I do remember what I was wearing though. Minnie Mouse romper thing. Light up sneakers. I did what he said. He asked if I had ever sucked dick before. No, I replied cautiously. He told me to close my eyes and open my mouth. I did so. Wider he says. I tightened my eyes abs opened as wide as I could. And that's when I tasted it. It tasted like cigarettes and laundry detergent. It was brief. I pulled away and opened my eyes. I saw my sister and his sister staring in through the glass on the door we went through. I didn't know what to think. Didn't get it. Stuff like that happened between the brother and the sister and I until they finally moved away. To this day I know I'm not completely heterosexual and know that this probably was the catalyst. I have always been ashamed. Always hid it. Never wanted to talk about it. Would leave the room and feel uncomfortable if a lesbian couple was featured on TV, for instance. Nowadays I suppose the society we live in would say that I'm absolutely silly for hiding it. I never found out why I have such a shame for it. I'm bisexual through and through, but I really do prefer the company of men. It's weird. Sexuality is a vast and diverse thing, and talking about my own experience makes me understand a little bit more. Other bad things happened that I don't want to divulge right now. But they were really bad. And had a really profound impact on who I am as a person. I became the girl that automatically equates sex with love. Not necessarily a bad thing definitely, but it's also hurt me quite a bit. Men can be cruel. I can be, too, however. My second boyfriend was the prime example of this. I was 16 and he was 21 and I took advantage pretty damn hard. I mean, who wouldnt? I also took his virginity so nowadays I think about what he did and it makes more sense to me, especially given what I went through. Anyway this dude was getting SSI and I met him thru my ex boyfriend (yes the gay one) and on the internet kind of. It was a mixture. Anyway this dude had cerebral palsy and was getting like 550 a month. Of course once we started dating it was ALL going to me. Dumb shit, too. Dinners, $45 blankets at hot topic, just stupid shit. I was a kid so I liked dumb shit. He liked fucking a kid because he was/is a sexual predator. Ugh I got so fat and gross. I started the depo shot when I was like 16.5 or 17 and gained so much weight. I ended up getting pregnant and yeah something bad happened so we wont really go into detail about that. I started smoking weed as much as I could and drinking to legit get fucked the fuck up. Like puke, drink, repeat. Binge drinking. Soon the relationship between palsy dude and I was growing sour. He was starting to become physically abusive, and using items and marriage proposals, and cheap fucking 1/10 diamond rings from walmart to try to lure me in. I dropped out of high school and almost joined the fucking military. I quit martial arts. I was legit becoming a shell. Crying out for any attention I could at home. My parents were too busy trying to repair their marriage. I get it now, mom and dad. I can't even imagine how you guys did it all and managed to save your marriage. I understand why it had to be done. I acted like a casualty of it for years. It finally dawned on me that they were trying to save it for ME. For my sis and I. I'm truly grateful now. They are still together and seem to be more in love than ever. Someday I will have something this healthy. Anyway the first time palsy dude (and yes that is what he will be referred to as. First bf is gay bf. Deal with it. He loves it.) was physical with me was after some brief altercation we had had. I called him stupid. He was driving his fuckin piece of shit Intrepid and stopped short at a stop sign. He looked me dead in the eyes and wrenched my windpipe with his good hand. Don't you ever fucking call me that again. He said through gritted teeth. His forehead turned red and he started breathing heavily through his nose before shoving me backwards and letting me go. Instantly my eyes welled up with tears and I think .02 seconds after that, he was sorry. He was always fuckin sorry. It continued to get worse. Shoving me into walls, kicking me when I was laying in the fetal position crying. Blaming me for what happened when I got pregnant. Blowing my fuckin cell phone up and running up my parents bill, always wanted to know where I was. So I apparently had gradually decided months ago the best course of action was to make him my life and quit my sport, quit school, join the military and make him and army husband. It all sounds so fuckin ridiculous now, but that's what my plan was. Til shit started going sour. My parents intervened after finding out I had missed about 90 days of school. Everyday before I left, I unhooked the phone so when the school called looking for me, the line was unreachable. I ended up in alternative school where I learned math easily from a computer, and graduated high school with like a 3.2 average or something. I went to school 7 am to 10 am and worked as much as I could for a drug store downtown. Once I got that job I found my independence and literally decided one day I did not need to be treated the way palsy dude saw fit. I was hanging out more and more with gay ex bf and his little sister, among them their friends, which in turn became my friends. A veritable menagerie of different scenes, culminating into the love for two things. Partying, and trying to find the means to do so. I had a job so I would buy weed and booze any chance I could get and share with everyone. A lot of times I would go to gay ex bfs dad's house after school and wait for him to come over so we could hang and party. Smoke maybe do some pills and drink. There was another reason I would go over there. Gay ex bfs dad was a heroin addict and I felt really bad for him because he was very kind and gave me a lot of advice and tried to help me in my future. I feel like I was making him hamburger helper everyday for at least a few months. Always with a couple slices of cheese on top. He used to ask for it, but then I would just routinely go into the fridge and see what I could make for us. Sometimes when he would eat, he would start to go to sleep so I would make sure he stayed awake and smoked his cigarette and ate and had a drink of water before he fell asleep again. Sometimes I would make sure the little sister would get to school at a decent time, although no one could ever control her after you dropped her off at the middle school. I always loved that about her. She always marched to the beat of her own drum. Anyway, I broke up with palsy dude. He had been living in a rooming house in my city to be closer to me. I told him i was done. He smashed a ceramic mug he had and sliced his wrists over and over. I was in awe and surely did not know what to say or do. He blocked the door and cried to me to reconsider. I had to call the cops. I went to my friends house after and my friends mother consoled me. My parents picked me up and took me home. He killed the hamster he bought me after that I'm pretty sure. He harassed me for weeks. Finally the day after my 18th birthday he called my cell. Not sure why but I answered. He sounded hysterical as usual. I heard wind blowing into the speaker which meant he was outside somewhere. What the fuck do you want I said. He replied, through gritted teeth I'm sure, I wanted to do this on your birthday. Now the sound I heard after I can only describe as dropping a heavy book in an empty room, on a wood floor. The phone hung up. I looked at my friends who I was with at the time and said something to the effect of I think this motherfucker shot himself. So I decide to call back. This dude fucking answers. When I ask him what happened he confirmed my fear of shooting himself. But miraculously he DIDN'T DIE. BECAUSE AFTER HE TOLD ME WHAT HAPPENED I CALLED FUCKIN 911. I GUESSED THAT HE WAS AT HIS PARENTS, THAT WOULD BE THE ONLY PLACE HE WENT THAT DIDN'T HAVE THE SOUND OF THE CITY IN THE BACKGROUND. Oh how right i was and they jetted on over to put his face back together. So they did plastic surgery and looks 100% better now, which makes my story even more fucking unbelievable. I mean I haven't seen him IN PERSON for years, almost a decade actually, but his Facebook (yes I creep) makes him look completely normal. Here's the fuckin kicker. I had to get a restraining order on him. He still tried his damndest to contact me through any means possible. I was scared and just wanted it all to be over so I finally got the balls to tell him to leave me alone or face jail time. Needless to say he did. He's in an unhappy marriage and has a child. I only know this because he is a Facebook creep too and COULD NOT RESIST seeing what's up with my fine ass after all these years. Basically said gl with the kids and shitty marriage douche. Man that felt good.

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samanthasroberts · 7 years ago

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Pretty Little Liars Recap: Yes, We’re Back, You Can All Mellow TF Out Now

Well okay, a girl goes on vacation for one week and gets no internet and suddenly people freak tf out about no recap last week. Not that I blame youIm fucking hilarious. But hello, Im back so could you just like, chill for a sec?

Since service was not on my side last week, Ill be sure to touch up on points from last week in this recap. Because Im like, such a good friend. Also, last weeks episode wasnt even that good *cough, cough, like this whole show, cough* OMG who said that?

Tiffany: OMG Britney! Britney: What? You were thinking it! Tiffany: Yeah but you said it!

Last week Hanna decided shes sick of putting up with the other liars’ baby back bullshit. She knows Noel was the one who tortured her and shes here to fuck shit up. She told Caleb she was off the grid and bounced. This episode is going to be directed by Quentin Tarentino.

She told the Liars shes off to NYC, and they think thats weird. Like why would any leave Rosewood? Its so homey here! Only like 3 people have been murdered in a month! Its really on the come up. But Hannas too busy playing with her DIY murder kit to give a fuck. Did you get those murder ideas off Pinterest?

HANNAS BOARD: Murder Ideas ❤

Last week Ezra went off to South America with all the little birdies and the monkeys to try and find Nicole.

Basically, we dont know about this whole engagement thing, especially since Aria lied about that phone call. Aria says Ezra called her when he got to South America and they found hostages, but they arent sure if Nicole is one of them.

Spencer is like wow Ezra must be overwhelmed! And if Hanna was there you can bet this conversation would have happened:

HANNA: I know you can be underwhelmed, and you can be overwhelmed, but can you ever just be, like, whelmed? SPENCER: I think you can in Europe.

We found out that MD had another kid besides Charlotte and that the kid was adopted and around the same age as the Liars. They all think its Noel Kahn, but thats like, way too easy. They decide that Aria is going to look for record of the adoption while Spencer goes and spies on Noel.

Emily is going to continue to be the useless college dropout and go interview for the swim coach job at Rosewood High. Against Paige, who unfortunately reappeared in our lives last week. Maybe Paige can lend Emily Neds Declassified Interview Survival Guide.

Hanna does a dramatic reading to a videotape about how shes going to do some shit. Why does Hanna think she is competent enough to pull this shit off? Like know yourself, know your worth.

Spencer supposedly has a search engine that looks up people? Where do I get that? Is there a 3 month free trial like Apple Music, which I had to fucking download to get Frank Oceans album? Frank Ocean is the only gay man to continuously fuck me.

The gardener/detective comes by and says that Snaggle fled to France. Huh, I guess hes on vacation too. Then he hits on Spencer. Wow, he got over that unsolved case fast. She tells him its too soon because her and Caleb just broke up and he leaves her his card *cough, cough, DOUCHE, cough*.

The Coffee Girl is eating cake and Emily comes in like oh look at that! A treat. Tell me, do you like your muffin buttered? Would you like us to assign someone to butter your muffin? The cake order is for Noel Kahn and Emilys like , and Coffee Girl is like ??

Aria and that sexy motherfucker Jason meet up. Last week we learned that they def had a thing before and were like SO fucking jealous.

Jason thinks AD is still in Rosewood and that he set fire to the basement. God, Jason is better than the cops are. Aria tells Jason what they found in the basement: paperwork basically saying Jessica was a piece of shit and proof of MDs other child. Also, MD is still missing. Freeform could only afford her for 6 episodes. Sad, all love.

Jason thinks that his mom was killed for the secrets MD had and Aria convinces him to go to the courthouse with her and help her get more information. Hes hoping he gets a chance to tap that in the waiting room, so hes like, .

Hanna follows Noel to a dumpster where he throws out a trash bag, because like duh, its a fucking dumpster. Hanna decides to dumpster dive afterwards and digs through his shit, finding a phone thats broken AF but with Saras face on it. Sketch.

Emily and Paige are filling out applications in a classroom right next to each other like its a fucking standardized test. Emily is like should I lie about being arrested? and says shes never done one of these things. What? Youve never tried to be a functioning member of society before?

Also, I wouldnt lie about your criminal record. This isnt like saying youre proficient in Excel. They will background check you. Its a fucking school, not a job at Hollister.

Paige is like, dont worry, the teachers know youre a fucking psycho! and Emilys like glad they dont ask me about committing crimes, phew! Yeah, youre #blessed they dont know that shit. Paige tells Emily that shes a great person, blah blah, incessant lesbian chatter, blah.

Aria and Jason are waiting at the courthouse when Aria flashes back to the time that she and Jason slept together. Ugh we hate Aria. Anyways, it seemed like she and Jason were dating. Jason is going to Ethiopia and asks Aria to come with him. Aria is like ugh what am I gonna do in Ethiopia? Help starving people? I mean, come on, Jason. Whats with all these dudes going to third world countries for charity? I knew like, one person who did that and they were Mormon and like, spreading the word of our lord and savior Jesus Christ.

Emily finishes her interview, which she wore a flannel to. We get it, youre a lesbian. God forbid you own anything business casual. Never know when youll need to sub in for a random softball game.

Paige says she misses Emily and Emily is like yeah, I have a girlfriend but like, Im gonna dump her, but like, I have a girlfriend. But Paige knew that because she fucking stalks Emily. NBD.

Emily tells Paige that A is back and Paige is like omg tell your girlfriend! Itll make your relationship great! Is this reverse psychology?

Hanna meets her local roofie dealer and gets her drugs. Hes like youre the first girl Ive sold to. Wow, this is actually a fucking disgusting scene.

PLL WRITERS: I got it! Usually we make fun of blind people, but this time lets make light of date rape! FREEFORM: Genius.

Spencer gets Noels address from her moms campaign manager, no questions asked. Spencer and Emily go alone to Noels cabin in the woods, because, fucking duh. They realize that the cabin is in the same place that Hanna was held captive and reminds them of the bunker they were tortured in. But yeah, lets just continue breaking in alone.

There is a security camera and Spencer busts it so they can break in. Theyre snooping around and just cant seem to find the pesky evidence that he murdered and tortured people. This aint his first rodeo. I doubt hes gonna leave a fucking bloody knife in the entry way.

They find a box with a stamp on it and Spencers like You needed a stamp to get into the Kahns parties!! Wtf? Where were his parties? Vegas?

They find a flash drive, plug it into Noels computer and find the videos of him torturing them in the dollhouse. Hes planting blood on Spencer and Spencer starts crying and its a mess. Anyways, they steal the flashdrive and gtfo.

Meanwhile Aria and Jason get their number called right as the news report from South America comes up. Arias like brb, sorry about being kidnapped and all Nicole, but I got shit to do.

The lady at the desk says there is nothing she can do for Jason and Aria tells the woman his whole sob story. Any other court clerk would be like yeah, we dont care. But not this court clerk, shes a cool court clerk.

The woman is like youre lucky to have a fianc that cares so much!! Jason agrees shes special because saying actually she isnt my fianc is too much work. The woman says she will try and find something for them and will fax it by the end of the day. People still own faxes?

Spencer wants to give the tape of the torture to the police and Aria says they cant without Hanna. Spencers like Like Aria, can you pull your head out of Hannas ass for a second?

Emily finds out that Hanna is not in New York and everyone is so shocked. Like, how could she lie to us?! This never happens!

Coffee Girl comes over and Emilys like Coffee Girl says she has a break at work and wants to go to dinner. Wtf how long are your breaks? Where are you going to eat for your 15 minute break? Taco Bell?

Coffee Girl is like and Emilys like Coffee Girl made her cupcakes and is like eat darling.

EMILY: Im on an all-carb diet, Coffee Girl! God youre so stupid!

Everyone is trying to find Hanna before she does something fucking moronic. Fat chance.

Speaking of morons, Hannah blackmails Noel for Saras phone. Why does Saras phone have a selfie of her as the background? Like wtf, you couldnt like, take a picture of a flower or something? God, Sara annoys me even after her death.

Hanna crushes up the drugs like a hardened pro and puts on her totally great disguise: a baseball hat. Yeah, cause no one is going to tilt their head a little bit and figure out who the fuck that is. You have A wearing custom made masks and youre here with a fucking ball cap? What is this? Amateur hour? A center for ants?

Noel shows up to the bar and Hanna buys him a beer and drugs the fuck outta it. Casual. Hanna sits with Noel and is like

Hanna makes up a story about how she is getting questioned for Saras death and is like look I know it was you, so why dont we be each others alibi? You scratch my back, I scratch yours. Noels like see the funny thing about my back is that its located on my cock.also I actually fucking hate you.

She offers Noel the beer and hes like He manhandles Hanna to get the phone and tells her to be careful or shell end up like Sara.

NOEL: You fell victim to one of the classic blundersthe most famous of which is “never get involved in a land war in Asia”but only slightly less well-known is this: “Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line”! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha…

Spencer goes home because her moms car alarm is going offduh this shit is about to be a trap. All the lights go off because they are in a storm and shes like ah, what a perfect time to watch the videos of me being tortured.

She decides to call the police, or at least that detective guy. If she cant get a police report at least she can probs get a quickie out of it. Win-win, am I right?

Then a tree branch breaks through a window, the doors swing open, and Spencer sees someone in the doorway. She grabs a knife and the detective is there. She tells him someone is in the house and he goes off searching. She looks, and big shock, the flashdrive is missing. You had one job.

Jason and Aria are having a candlelit discussion and trying to not make it romantic. Jason would be naked like .4 seconds into a conversation, candlelit or not, with me. Just sayin.

Aria tells Jason that shes worried about her future with Ezra and Jason is like you two are meant to be!!! Is this the episode where all the jealous exes lie? Just wondering.

Aria flashbacks to Jason trying to convince her to go to Ethiopia, and shes like well, heres the thing. She took a cushy job at a publishing companyof course the one that published Ezras work. Jason figured that out and calls her on it and shes like _()_/.

Jason tells her basically if Ezra dumps her for the little hostage girl, hell be waiting for her, dick hard and all. What a guy.

Ezra finally texts and says Nicole wasnt one of the hostages and hes coming home to Rosewood. Aria is crying, so happy that there is still a helpless girl trapped by terrorists out there. Jason comes back and says that the adoption file came through except everything is blacked out.

However, they see that the judges name is on there and of course its Noels dad. Aria now thinks that Noels dad adopted MDs baby. Bold strategy cotton, lets see how it works out for them.

Emily calls Paige to talk and tells her about Noel. She invites Paige over, who practically creams her pants and says yes. But like, shes also oddly watching Coffee Girl. Fuck, shes so weird.

Noel comes home and finds Hannas hat on the ground and hes like WOW SHE MUST BE SO EXPOSED NOW WITHOUT THE HAT. He leans down to grab it and Hanna fucking hits him over the head with a bat. Its like a league of their own in this bitch.

Shes like its over bitch and Im like, fuck if I had a nickel for every time I heard that on this show.

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Source: http://allofbeer.com/2017/07/16/pretty-little-liars-recap-yes-were-back-you-can-all-mellow-tf-out-now/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2017/07/16/pretty-little-liars-recap-yes-were-back-you-can-all-mellow-tf-out-now/

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adambstingus · 7 years ago

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Pretty Little Liars Recap: Yes, We’re Back, You Can All Mellow TF Out Now

Tiffany: OMG Britney! Britney: What? You were thinking it! Tiffany: Yeah but you said it!

HANNAS BOARD: Murder Ideas <3