#like if it means that damn much to u i'll just leave lmao

[piplupod]

ignore this i just need to be insane for a second

[foundfam2754]

S17e6 live reactions!

Spoilers...obviously

i'm kinda nervous to watch this because i saw someone's post on e6 before this on garvez and they weren't happy... let's see because we're def getting pen and luke interaction this ep bc of the whole tyler ex gf thing

i'm like 95% confident that this is a dream...

okay def a dream because luke is hurt

reminds me of that dream spence had close to the end of s15

what a strange song to have emily sing

okay even dream dead emily is sad :( bring her back from the dead pls (again)

yep... dream

poor papa pasta :(

emily singing will haunt me forever

i like how CM can be scary when it wants to be

aw even after 20 years, emily, jj and pen will be my favorite trio

OH MY GOD rossi's really feeling the trauma

wait this is so sad :(

you're not fine, dave. none of you are fine. PG had the right idea leaving the BAUwh

jj what are you getting at????? luke? i kinda wish it was about luke, but i knew it was about emily

beige, wasting time, and bad kissing?? why is that so penelope garcia coded?

god jj just takes care of everyone but herself, mamabear!jj is my fav

Penelope, pls don't be jealous, he's not worth it

how are garvez so normal after last week? at least their friendship is never in question

why is it awkward luke? because you're in love with pen?

okay i don't mind me some greencia banter, but they did NOT date

jfc dave needs a therapist

aww tara's the best man

kinda love the team knows each other so well, they can talk and listen without words. it's kinda beautiful

OH MY GOD i kinda predicted what tara said about "sitting quietly"

you're safe dave, we promise. we all love u

jj don't make it darker i can barely see the show as it is

i love high!emily, man

i will be using emily's chopsticks trick going forward

"delicious but insufferable" is my new catchphrase

"emily elizabeth prentiss"

super hot latino/a is penelope's type too ;)

damn pen's is roasting him and i kinda love it

i like the parallel of garvez interrogating teresa and tyler about the relationship - i know they have different purposes for doing so, but in my opinion still keeps them connected in a way - so i'll take what i can get

tara's right

luke looks so impressed and kinda turned on by pen's hacking primer - i love it; i know it's just adam, not scripted, but i appreciate that kirsten and adam keep us happy and delulu

"new friend"

i just realized this is the ultimate love square (pen, luke, teresa, tyler)

WHY are you talking about the "sticky chemistry"

penelope's a lot mature than she's acting about this, i mean they are all in their 30-40's and should be able to be honest about their FEEELINGS

god I love how much luke hates tyler

chaotic emily is kinda terrifying

"just run through the field and catch all that rye" HAHAH FUCKING LOVE YOU EMILY

emily you know she loves cheetos why would you leave them out

lmao high!jj

oh this is the elevator scene from the trailer where the walls collapse in

this show can be very scary when it wants to be (hasn't been for me in a while because i rewatch and know what's gonna happen)- and I like that they're leaning into it

lol are they hinting that they were both attracted to tyler because they have grief-related trauma and he's a good, desperate short-term solution

oh my god they were not dating

OH MY GOD I LOVE THAT LUKE AND TYLER HATE EACH OTHER

sir, agent alvez sir, need i remind you that only 7 years ago you were also the lone wolf type?

"rattle off a list of your victims you know, besides penelope and teresa" GO OFF LUKE ALVEZ OMG

this is weirdly hot

"ever take matters into your own hands, luke?" is that a thinly-veiled comment about the fact that everyone knows about his feelings but he is yet to do anything about it yet? or am i too much of a garvez shipper and i'm reading garvez into every pen or luke interaction on this show

aw ex bf and boyf bonding!

"who have you pissed off recently?" lol besides you lukey?

why is voit doing sit-ups? man, he is weird

why don't they call him "Lee?" i feel like it would affect him more

62!?

god voit's a good profiler

elias has strong daddy issues and i think he needs dave's approval

what is he repressing? krystall?

oh my god voit's such a good villain

yeah man, don't date tyler if you don't want your trust violated or safety threateneed

oh my god are jj and em gonna fight?

no don't tease a relationship between teresa and luke please i can't

OMG, we finally got a GARVEZ confession!!!

"she knows i love her" luke you're breaking my heart, he sounded so sad :(

but also --- does she know? y'all never said it... and she needs the words said to her. she's not great with subtext, luke

i love that teresa's not letting him excuse his feelings or his inaction

GOD NO DO NOT DATE EACH OTHER I CAN'T TAKE LUKE DATING SOMEONE ELSE RIGHT NOW PLS

no elias, you ARE a fan boy

"honestly" "trust me" those words don't mean anything coming from you elias

god guys you're so much smarter than him, please stop trusting him PLEASE

"this was fun, dave!" god elias just likes fucking with them

yay!! tyler character development

i simultaneously love and hate this tyler / luke bromance

"we are stronger than anyone gives us credit for" YES SO TRUE I LOVE THESE TWO WITH ALL MY HEART

"it gives me you" aw, jemily fans are gonna lose their mind aren't they, but also they're my fav bff duo

"let's fucking go" LOVE YOU EMILY SO HARD

wtf teresa; oh my god this love square is going to kill me

"north star is us, the BAU" DAMN that's powerful

[imrllytootiredforthis]

cy i have so many ideas its crazy 😭😭

when i was in high school i hated my chemistry classes 💀💀but now when i think about it... yk in some classrooms especially where biology and chemistry classes are held there is a small room attached to them like a storeroom? where they have all the equipment and supplies ? lmao this is already so long but i just needed to describe it, it gets better i promise

so like yesterday i randomly remembered one of my chemistry classes and suddenly i thought abt soob in those glasses like you know, the black ones ..him in a doctor's coat and..the other students are in class totally unaware of what two new teachers are doing in the storeroom😋😋damn just,, making out w him all while having ur knee between his crotch?? ordering him to be quiet or else everyone will find out what a slut their new chem teacher is (he'd secretly love it, we all know the boy is a slut for degradation and humiliation)😔he'd whimper soso much he wants more and he needs more, he's so riled up,, practically drooling but the fact that he can't have u fuck the brains out of him now makes him practically cry and beg to stop,, the pleasure is too much to handle☹️☹️(u could literally swear at him😭😭i bet he'd let out a couple of moans at that😴)

PLS THIS IS SO LONG,,,i couldn't stop myself cause begging soob>> idk whats gotten into me lately but ig i have a tiny thing for exhibitionism?😩😩no but fr its so hot?

p.s. im glaad ur here for the weekend 😭😭i'll patiently wait for ur official comeback ❣️

i saw this right when i woke up...and jesus, i love you so, so much because😵‍💫😵‍💫

are you, by chance talking abt this soob?...

him in a white lab coat😵‍💫😵‍💫

okay, okay

class started 10 minutes ago. the students are confused, checking the time, emailing their two new teachers to the class, some are even straight-up leaving, muttering about a waste of time

most stay, wondering if they just forgot or got stuff in traffic or something else

completely unaware to the fact that in the little storage closet off to the side of the room...

their pretty professor is shoved up against the wall, pinned with his arms beside his head, lip tugged between his teeth, panting and whining as he grinds down on your knee.

god, he's so needy, trying to quietly beg for more, gasping at the feeling of your teeth grazing his neck

"y'know, this isn't very professional professor choi," you start, pulling away, too composed when all he can do is let out the neediest little mewl, trying to reach his high while tears form in his eyes.

"d-don't care!" he tries to pull his hands away, cup himself and get the stimulation you're just barely giving him but your grip is iron strong, smile all too teasing and all too mean. "just m-make me feel good! please, wan', wan' you to fuck me!"

you press your thigh up against him hard. "right when all of our students are just outside, huh? want them to know that their professor is in here getting fucked like a slut?"

the moan he lets out is nothing less than completely ruined and very, very loud, reverberating through the small room in a way that would've been so hot if not where you were

his hand is free suddenly, as you slap a hand over his mouth, his eyes going wide. "shut up, you slut," you hiss,

the tears fall and you can feel drool building up behind your hand, he can't help himself, his head going on overdrive, his free hand gripping the bottom of your leg, fucking himself desperately against it.

"please, please, please," he whimpers, words garbled against your hand. "more, need more!"

[jubiilee13]

hi babes I saw you begging for requests for mike schmidt so I decided to send my own request to you… as cliche as it is, could you write an angsty misunderstanding fic where basically mike is over-working himself to death and barely making time for you and you think you did something wrong but it turns out mike was just tired af. It can be smut or fluff since I don’t know what you really like to write. Sorry if this request is bad I’m not good at asking for things😭😭

-anon

anon ily ty for the request 😻😻

this may be a lil bad bc I’m sick rn but I hope u still enjoy 🫶

warnings: tiny mention of blood, angst, angy mike, sad reader, alludes to a little smut at the end but yeah

lets just say for this abby is at a um... sleepover or smth idk i forgot to include her

didnt check this for grammatical errors so my bad if it sucks lmao

—

you and mike didn’t fight often

i mean you never really had reason to

but lately mike had been weird, he had been… distant.

mike often had his rough days, as did you, but this time was different.

every morning when he returned home instead of his usual warm embraces, you’d been receiving the cold shoulder, at most a few sentences spoken between the two of you before he dragged himself off to bed.

you were worried to say the least, you knew you had done nothing wrong, yet something in your gut made you wonder if you did.

so you decided today was the day you were going to talk to him about it.

boy was that a bad idea...

the moment mike stepped out of his bedroom he spotted you, anxiously fidgeting as your eyes met his own

"we need to talk mike" you mumble, clearly not looking forward to having this conversation.

mike rolls his eyes, "what y/n" he replies, attitude evident in his tone, yet the attitude is weak, and you note his face is just a bit paler than usual, the bags under his eyes more evident, something was off.

"whats been going on with us mike?" you ask, voice trembling "did... did i do something? you- you've been so distant..."

"its nothing y/n, stop worrying" he says with a scoff, and you bite your lip.

"mike you dont have to lie to me" you say softly, extending your hand out to him to soothe him.

Then something inside him snaps, that movement- that feeling. he couldnt take it.

"God damn it y/n i said nothing is wrong! you never listen! just leave me alone! you clearly only make things worse!" he cries out, and your body freezes.

"o-oh" is all you can say, retracting your trembling hand, clearly in shock

"o-okay um... um i-i'll leave you be..." you mumble under your breath, trying to hide your emotions until you were out of his sight.

you scurry away, biting your lip so hard it draws blood, and the moment you enter your bedroom the tears escape.

you shut the door behind you, leaning against it and sliding to your knees, hand reaching to cover your mouth to hide the sobs.

what had you done?

did you upset him?

is he gonna leave?

so many questions flooded your mind all at once

it was so overwhelming, all you wanted was him... but right now that was the one thing you couldnt have.

so you sat there, leaning against the door of your room for god knows how long.

eventually when no more tears could fall, you lead yourself to your bed, a bed that had been untouched for a few months now due to you always sleeping with mike, and after a few more shaky breaths, you slipped into a uneasy slumber.

As you slept, mike took himself for a drive, his hands gripping the steering wheel so hard his knuckles faded to white.

he was angry

he was tired

he just wanted to be home

it slowly started to dawn on him that upon his arrival home earlier, his anger had been misdirected.

he wasnt mad at you

he loved you

god- you just wanted to help

why couldnt he see that?

he lets out a shaky sigh, punching his steering wheel as he lets out a few grunts of anger (much to the dismay of the car infront of him)

he decides to leave you be for the time being, and he leads him self on down the winding road, until he comes across an empty parking lot.

he lets himself settle there for a while, staring into the dark abyss in front of him.

eventually he decides to call you, and when you dont pick up... he calls again.

and again.

and... again....

and 12 more times.

he was worried to say the least, what if you left him? what. if you didnt love him anymore?

after the final call he places his phone in his pocket, running a hand through his hair as he starts up the car again and heads home.

in the meantime you were at home, tossing and turning, unable to find a true sense of saftey in your own sheets and god was it horrible.

you didnt notice the buzzing of your phone, nor the vibration any time left another voicemaiil.

so you lay on your back, your teary eyes staring up at the ceiling.

thats when you heard the front door open, the jingling of mikes house keys alongside his work ones

maybe he didnt leave

did he come back for you?

maybe he-

your thoughts are interrupted however by a gentle, almost silent knock at your door. you want to open it, you really do, but you're scared.

for once you put aside your fear and you sit up, quietly tiptoeing over to the door and cracking it open just enough to meet mikes eyes.

both of your teary eyes meet one another, and something snaps within both of you

your grip on the handle goes slack as mike gently pushes further on the door, and the moment it opens enough for him to enter, youre surrounded by him

he kisses you gently, his hands wrapping around you, and you two hold the kiss until you eventually pull away to gasp for air

"im so sorry- i never meant to snap at you baby- i-i- im just so exhausted- work is so hard- i-i never meant to take it out on you- i love you so muc y/n- i"

you cut him off by kissing him again, this kiss growing more heated, your body pressing against his

"its ok" you whisper when you pull away, your foreheads resting against one another

"we'll be ok" you whisper

those 3 words are repeated for the rest of the night, along with other words of praise and affirmation.

the two of you love each other, and tonight it shows.

just as youre about to fall into a warm, peaceful sleep, mike presses a kiss against your damp forehead.

"i love you"

that was all you needed to hear in order to slip into slumber in his embrace.

--

yayayayya mike

i hope that was good

ok ily

bye pookster

[bones-of-a-rabbit]

status of babbit's life yeehaw

tl,dr: busy moving and a couple of other big life things that just complicate things, but well on the way to being back to normal! new fic chapters and better quality art coming soon.

tl,wr (too long, will read):

Helloooo what's up its me, Babbit. or Rabbit. or Bones. or Idiot Moron Menace Child, idk im not picky lol

i know a lot of you guys have been wondering wtf is up with my upload schedule lately and the extreme lack of even basic content and also i am extremely aware that i have not updated my fics in a few millennia and for that i am very, very sorry. this post is to answer a few questions you might have, if anyone was curious about the 'reason' instead of just the 'when.'

my family and i have had a hell of a year, y'all. like, jesus christ, i really hope things level out and calm down for a while once we're moved in to our new apartment bc god damn we are so tired. the list goes: 1. we got kicked out of the house we were renting-to-own bc we wouldn't be able to afford the new rate, so they gave us two months to find a new place to live (not long enough, it turns out) and then foreclosed to get us out. 75% of our belongings were still in the house when we had to leave. that includes all of our christmas ornaments- including the ones kept for decades, and the ones made by me and my siblings, and the fancy ones made from blown glass. 2. the first night out of the house, one of our dogs, freaked out by the strangeness of the situation, panicked and slipped her harness and ran off. that was over a year ago. we haven't seen her since. 3. my cat got very ill and became unable to eat. she passed away almost exactly a year ago. she had been 14-15, and had been my baby since i was maybe 8. 4. one of the tires on my dads car blew out. during the night, while it was parked on the curb so he could put the spare on in the morning, one of the in-tact tires was fucking stolen LMAO 5. we applied to rent at so many places and got rejected so, so many times. it costs money to apply, btw. we're talking like $200+. no, u don't get that money back. 6. i lost my job bc knowing i would have to work 8 hours at a job that stresses me out to the point of exhaustion (at a place where no one takes me seriously and would actively laugh at me when i try to express my need to step away for a minute) sometimes paralyzed me and made me sick to my stomach and made me feel unable to leave the house, and i called out one too many times. a day after my birthday, too! 7. just recently, like within the last week, my dad's car got fuckin totalled!!!!!

THE GOOD NEWS IS WE OFFICIALLY, FINALLY, AFTER A SOLID YEAR, HAVE AN APARTMENT!!!!! I'LL HAVE MY OWN ROOM AGAIN!!! THERE'S AN ENTIRE KITCHEN!!!!!!!

the 'oh god' news is we still have to move in, and replace a lot of the stuff that we just couldn't take with us when we moved out (mostly stuff like bookshelves, dining table, dressers, etc) AND get the few things we could cram into a storage center out and moved into the new place, which isn't a lot but at the same time is more than we can realistically handle on our own. and then, we have to get my mums cats (a pair of kitty sisters that we had to temporarily house with my aunt, who got tired of looking after them and let them outside to be outdoor cats a few months ago. yes, this was an extremely shitty thing to do, and we've been working hard to get them back safely) AND my gecko (who my cousin has been looking after, even tho feeding him worms freaks him out LMAO yes i plan on compensating him) moved in, as well... basically oh my god there is so much to worry about but at the same time it's nice to have to worry about it bc it means we're making progress sdkfhsjdkfhdsjfh

basically i am just so tired but so busy and also thinkin abt so much im so sorry for lack of stuff but i am so looking forward to being able to bounce back, pls stick with me, it'll be sorted out soon i think and then i'll hit y'all with some good stuff i promise!!!!!!!

anyway thank u guys i love u and appreciate u all for sticking around

[bunnihearted]

it lowkey sucks that always when i wanna kms, actually kms, and have to fight to not do it, i never have anyone to reach out to. i have no one to ask for help or to talk to me for a while. even if i did no one would reply or care enough to talk with me and if i did kms they'd just be like oh damn whatever now that bitch is out of my life. like idk but being someone who no one cares enough about to sit with or "talk down" or say anything to make me know they care and want me to live kinda sucks. just a little bit. only the tiniest amount. but i mean this only makes me realize im all on my own and i can survive anything bc im used to being the only one there for me in my darkest moments and nobody ever comforts me or holds me or supports me, no one ever holds me up. im so fucking weak yet im stronger than most people because i always have to hold my own fucking hand and be the only one there to stop me from killing myself. anyway sometimes i do be feeling like i wish i wish so badly someone could just fucking care about me and tell me to not kms and to tell me that they care about me and want me to live but since im nothing but a burden and a bother to everyone no one says that to me. everyone wants me to kms so they can get rid of me and be free of my whining. which is so unfair bc i never bother ppl with this. i suck it up and swallow it and i never tell anyone close to me how much im suffering and i never bother them and tell them to comfort me and i never say "im gonna kms pls stop me". i would never bother anyone. when i kms i'll do it in silence and never ever burden anyone with stopping me or caring about me. so it's unfair that no one wants to hear me whining because i never whine to anyone. rather i pretend to be positive so i wont bring them down with my misery. i just fantasize about someone saying no pls dont kys i want u to live i care abt u im here for u and i want them to talk to me and not dare to leave until i've calmed down. i want someone to show me they care. but i know im a burden so i'd never ask it of someone. if someone did i'd just feel bad for being so worthless and hurting them. but oh do i fantasize about someone being worried about me and wanting to take care of me and wanting to talk to me and comfort me and keep doing it until they've made sure im ok. lmao.

[mrs-monaghan]

Hybe didn't?

Lmao they were no.1

Things hybe 'did' for Jimin FACE era

1. Denied him of 4 MV, to artist who build that fuxking company. While giving their rookies 4 MVs on 1st album, Yoongi and Hobi a documentary and now a world tour. Apparently 4 MVs request is unreasonable, my ass.

2. Lets forget about other international platforms but they Didn't raised a finger against hanteo robbery even if it's their own home country. Still no one knows where that 770K sales went. Conveniently stole his #1 soloist sales record.

3. Didn't sent LC to radio even after mass request from fans and it achieving no1 on BB, left all work to be done by fans. LC had a very big opportunity to go even big but how much fans can do without a single support from agency ?

4. No celebrations or theme cakes like other members, no interviews or hype after No.1 BB like bangtan had during dynamite era. When rest country was celebrating and their share prices shoot up. Even Jimin's dad's friends celebrated while it's silence from his agency.

5. Even his pre orders still not shipped which is affecting charts. It's been a month, mind you. Took days to restore CDs in BTS store. Took days to add LC to This is BTS Playlist, which is the biggest we can have, while haegum was added in a day.

6. Army were begging them about BB situation for 3 WEEKS but no response but conveniently corrected the website just a day before D DAY. No comments regarding his 90%+ sales being deleted while all K media were writing about the BB payola.

7. Cut down his promotion to 10 fucking days leaving even Jimin disappointed and doubtful about his promos. Just to announce a whole new album in a week and killed hype of FACE.

8. Threw him to hands of kpoppies and antis, they were rentlessly attacking him since SMF dropped, articles were written, they were making sexual harassment and rape jokes against him. 'Artist protection' no where to be found. Didn't even took down korean articles or hate blogs.

9. Made him overwork and finish everything within 10 days till he was sick. He attended parties with tapes on his neck and was sick af by end of promos, even on BB hot 100 announcement day.

10. Remember when Filter was removed from iTunes when it began outstreaming ON ? Yeah same thing happened. FACE tied with BTS record for iTunes album IMMEDIATELY next day there was a 'glitch' and FACE falled.

That's an accurate depiction of me rn. I said in a comment and I'll say it here. I love Jimin with everything I own, but I'm gonna need my man to start having some sort of defiance. He doesn't see his potential, fine. But he needs to start prioritising himself. He don't need to be putting others infront of himself all the damn time. Did other members put their shit on hold for his sake? No. He was born to shine...its why he's so hated because he doesn't need to do much and people will gravitate towards him. If YT didn't do what they did SMF and LC would both have over 100M views by now. No seriously think about it. Forget the streamers like u and me. We have 74 million subscribers on Bangtan TV and 70 M subs on Hybe labels. Then Jimin has 49M followers on insta. Lets say 10 million are people with multiple accounts. That leaves 39M followers. Again, forget the streamers. Lets say there is a person who is busy so they only have time to watch his MVs once before going to work and once before bed. Then we of course have the haters obsessed with Jimin who also watched the MVs at least once. Add the fact that both MVs for sometime were number 1 and 3 on trending which means locals who like to see what's trending clicked on the songs and watched them. And then that's when the streamers come in. The math does not math no matter how much u try. The fact that LC doesn't even have 50 million views is absolutely ridiculous.

But, I digressed. Back on topic. Hybe did do him dirty. BH been doing him dirty for fucking years. But he stays. If you've been listening. You will notice Suga and Jimin are the two members who've been the most vocal about coming back as 7. I'm not saying the rest don't want that, but Yoonmin do appear to want that the most.

We have seen Jimin refuse to go hard when he's dancing with people who are not as good. The TT he did with TXT he did not even try. He took the cute route. And that's not the only one. VIBE he could have gone harder, but u can see he is holding back because that is not his song, he was a feature. Watch how he dances with Suga versus how he dances with Jhope. U will see a clear difference. Jimin has always, always put other people into consideration. Its why u will see when V is making fun of Jimin he won't stop and keeps going and going. But when Jimin is making fun of V, he will catch himself and stop and admit he has gone to far.

He has always put Bangtan before himself and it sucks. Look at JK "what are they gonna do, fire me?" JK knows the power he holds and uses it and takes advantage of it. He knows he's indispensable. But then so is Jimin and I wish he would follow his boyfriend's lead because this is absurd. Other members have gotten sm and he got so little. How and why was he okay with this?

I would bet my right arm (I'm right handed btw) that he has also put BTS before his relationship and could have been the cause of some of their fights. And u know JK sees whats happening and doesn't like it one bit. BH weren't promoting his man to his satisfaction so JK did a whole live dedicated to Jimin. He said; fine, I'll do it myself.

Y'all think I'm kidding when I say JK stays for Jimin 🧐

I hope military service hardens Jimin and he comes back with an attitude because this man deserves to reach even greater heights than he already has.

Fuck Hybe and Bighit with a fucking cactus I'm fucking done with this shit

[ddeongies]

Maybe she should’ve moved slower in the moment because of that, but one taste of Ryujin had made her heady with desire.

- new challenge: try not to say green flag yeji every chapter u put out --> AND I FAIL EVERY SINGLE TIME.

If she’d known she was just looking for a hookup (or two maybe, at least two would be nice) she might’ve made a move earlier.

- they're not even hooking up yet and she's already bargaining in her head lmao queen of bargaining !

Sure, it’s not really what Yeji wants, but she’s too aware of her own feelings at this point to pretend like she’s not willing to be with Ryujin in whatever capacity she wants.

- wow i want to smack both of their heads (lovingly ofc 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰)

2HWANG BFFS!!! so cute so cute ugh and god yeji all rounder in all universes like damn leave us some

yezyizhere: oh ok so you saw it once, didn’t think about it, and came back to watch it again?

yezyizhere: compliment accepted ;)

- one thing about yeji, even though she's kinda devastated that ryujin only wants casual, she will never pass up the chance to show off her yerizzma

iamfinethankyouandryu: you’re fucking hot

iamfinethankyouandryu: happy?

- SCREAAAAAAMIIIING !!!!!!! ryujin you're just like me 🫂🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️

Ryujin? Hoodie? Bed?

- i'm sure yeji is not the only who let out a sound around here 🙋‍♀️

ugh as u said, this chapter, short and sweet. i'm a big fan of the texting format bc of the short, flirty banters and the thrill of waiting for the replies. 🙂‍↕️ yeji this whole chapter: is this real...? such a mood. u definitely captured the awkward flirty texting stage after a life-altering event and before getting together and the phase of suddenly becoming active on social media just so ur crush could notice u. i miss those times...HAHAHA anyway, thanks for this one and choreo au update as well. i hope work and irl stuff gets manageable soon! have a great weekend ahead!

ps. omg the tropes i asked before and no worries if it took long! i love how we almost have the same favorites!! established relationships for one shots u are so right 🙂‍↕️ another one to add would be friends with benefits (a plus if it's not too angsty for no reason) and generally i'm a sucker for fluff!!

- 🌼

i have a meme i keep meaning to make about nmau yeji being a green flag but i'm lazy.... i'll do it one day tho i just need to edit an image LMAO (but yes she's the best i love her so much....)

girl knows what she wants (ryujin. she wants ryujin LOL)

they're idiots 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

yeah it's impossible to write yeji without her being good at everything (except for cooking) like i can't ignore the source material!!! (also yes 2hwang besties couldn't resist, nmau yeji has her bros)

she can't resist the rizz... it's in her blood it's in her dna (even all the way back in the cafe when she thought yunjin and ryu were dating she fucking winked at ryu she's impossible LOL)

ryu gets it yeji is fucking hot 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️

girl literally short circuited like i think ryujin almost killed her???

i honestly had such a blast writing this chapter!!! it was kind of nice going for something a bit different and light after the rollercoaster of chapters 8 and 9 lol. it also ended up being really important for the relationship i think. i love the awkward flirting stage it's so fun to write. i both miss it and don't LOL it's so fun and exhilarating but also god i love being married LMAO. and thank you!! i'm gonna be on vacation this week and it's much needed 😮‍💨

okay yessss i love a good fwb when it's not like overly angsty exactly. like you can't have that without some pining and miscommunication and stuff, but i like when that leans more on the fluff than on the characters being sad (but that's just how i am in general i'm not really an angst person (ignore choreo that's out of character)) fluff is god

[stellamancer]

Gojo + soulmate au LETS GOOOOO!!!?!??!!✨

Pwetty pwease??? 🥺

so. what happened here is erika was so so so excited about the soulmate au that she forgot to tell me her second trope and ran to my DMs to tell me what it was and got "attacked" by images of gojo that i'd left for her like how u leave food out for a stray cat.

anyway.

gojo x reader -> soulmate au + green eyed epiphany

i'm prefacing this with saying this is hard. i think because like. the very nature of a soulmate au (read: this is your fated person) is at odds with the jealousy that comes with a green eyed epiphany. so i think for it to even work the au has to be one where it's possible for only one person to know while the other remains unaware.

which honestly crosses out a lot the funny soulmate ideas i had involving gojo. damn.

i think the best way to go about it would be to do one of those soulmate aus where one person feels pain whenever the other feels pain or is in danger? i think that would be the most appropriate for gojo.

the next question is who's getting the epiphany. like, gonna be honest, it's probably more realistic that reader would be the one to get the epiphany to be 'oh my fucking god i'm jealous over gojo of all people. end me now.' but my au my story and we're letting the blue eyed monster get his green eyed epiphany.

because like. of course you would know that he's your soulmate because you have never really ever felt your soulmate's pain because like.... it's gojo. he's got infinity so usually get hit and feel pain (but oh ohhh it would be fun to include feeling a chest pain like heartbreak when geto leaves!!!) i think there could also just be a lot of horror in being gojo's soulmate just because of who he is lmao. so i think it'd be fun to be a reader who is trying to deny it, does not want it to be him and tries to fight it by dating other people.

on the other side of that, as a regular person, and probably a sorcerer you get banged up enough that gojo can't tell it's you. i mean people get hurt and banged up all the time, how would he know. i think too, it'd be a little funny if he got annoyed at feeling as much pain as he does because shouldn't you, whoever you are, be stronger? lmao.

actually i think it would be fun if the you that gojo knows never seems to get hurt or whatever and so he thinks you're impressive. maybe he's got a crush or thinks you're really cool, but he somehow doesn't know that you are always aching from all the secret training you do. so that way there's a bond between you for him to get jealous over.

so then, we get back to the dating people, or even like an arranged marriage type deal and gojo finds out and like, weakass soulmate be damned, he wants to be with you, whoever is trying to date you or marry you can get lost lmao. i also think that gojo would probably not want to subscribe to the whole soulmate thing. i think he'd be the type to want to make his own destiny.

it'd be fun too, if there was a conversation between you and him about it where he asks you about it in an effort to like get you to not see other people- like the notion that he could be your soulmate hasn't occurred to him (because you are strong and his soulmate is weak lmao gojo u dumbass) , and you just idk brush it off and make it seem like you don't subscribe either (and you wish you didn't)

i think the fic would kinda end with you and him going on a mission and for once you do get hurt and he feels it and it all clicks and he's like 'okay never mind soulmates are cool because it's you.

[send me a ship and two fic tropes and i'll tell you how i'll mash 'em up]

[jazstudios]

i think i might be just. actively- (whatever the present tense of derealization is) lol

starting to actually dawn on me that this is the only one life we'll (probably) have. the delusions ive been having are dying and im only left to quake at the sight of reality on the horizon and the fact i am so severely underprepared for everything lmao.

ive got the basic outlines out though, basically "work to give my family a good life" to make up for having to put up with me and my mistakes all throughout the years

basically- amount of shitty things they've had to put up with me because of me = the amount of good and joy they'll have in life which im gonna fight tooth and nail to give them. of course i aspire to give them even more yk, but this is the base minimum lmao. tho atp in time even that much is an uphill battle. lol

nothing feels real. right now. and aside from parents doing their normal fighting and one (mom lol) threatening to divorce/run away cuz she for some reason thinks dad cheated on her lmao?

dont worry, he didnt actually lol. this sounds like mad coping, but im being sincere when i say this lol

at first i thought it would actually kill me. ya know. this whole thing? not knowing if that day will the be the last straw for her? if that's the day when my family falls apart? then that thinking leads to "ohh but ur childhood is just a flowery experience that existed solely to you! the experience was entirely different for your family and they maybe dont even look back on those years as fondly as you do! your being delusional again, stop it" then it spirals from there lmao

ugh. idk how to phrase it lmao. this fight thing has been going for months, ya know. since like the start of this year. i hate it but what can ya do, when life gives u lemons? u shove the up ur eyeball🍋 yargg. yah

slight silver lining that came out of this though is that im getting a daily reminder that nothing in life is permanent, even your family! and that hey. sometimes love *isn't* enough. and that hey. vulnerability is scary. too scary. you can't ever trust someone with any of that, you'll never fully know someone. acknowledging your loved ones are their own people is acknowledging they can do as they please and that includes them leaving you. i say to myself this won't impact how i interact with love for the rest of my life, and it might not. it also, might. but eh whose to say

it's scary to think about. parents on the news always say they never could've guessed their kids are capable of let's say- murder, ya? they can never guess it. they don't know. no one does, i dont, you dont. you dont know if your tomorrow your mother will do something truly heinous that'll impact you negatively for the rest of your life. maybe, she doesn't mean for it to. maybe she had no choice. but, that doesn't really do much to change the effect it had on ur life yeah?

it's dumb. love will never be enough on it's own without action to back it up, but what if love is all you have? what if it's all you can give? what if holding out your heart to them, begging and pleading for them to not leave you, to please love you again, isn't enough? .

i dont know the answer. if you find out, hmu lmao.

but. idk even if i know this, i follow the same logic that damned me from the beginning. i do smth else that isn't what i know would be better for me in the long run.

long run plan: emotionally distance, i'll still be present, i'll still be hurt, but i wont die. at least. i think?

short term aka now: ive always been too emotional. too loose with my feelings, too easily attached. it sounds like im fucking flexing right now lmao but i swear im not trying to lmao. regard this whole bit with a "/derogatory" lol. i hate it. it's always lead me to make horrible horrible decisions, chase the wrong things, make nothing of myself.

it's hurt me so much but it's also the only comfort i have sometimes. comfort in fictional characters, they aren't real, but i love them. art, fantasy, anything else that isn't whats happening to me right now. ill probably like it.

it took me a while to realize how much of a stupid fucking cycle it is. how much of an addiction it is, essentially. but it's so hard to make the first fucking step forward. i easily imagine how i want to be and such, but again, delusions. lol

in my head. sometimes no time passes. sometimes stuff isn't real. sometimes technoblade didn't die (his always had a shit upload schedule lmao so it's easy, sometimes.). sometimes, i imagine, i can be myself but, better. what i imagine "a lover, artist" but someone you'd actually want to be around. ya know? not awkward. not distant. just, something that isn't me right now

sometimes i imagine i can stay how i picture it. happy, innocent, lovely and emotional. kind and friendly. i always liked pacifist route frisk who found a solution to everything, because of this lmao. even if it was impossible, instead of just accepting it gracefully and letting it remain memory of the past, sometimes i imagine getting ugly about it. barefist fighting against reality, fighting time. fighting the world. and sometimes, i imagine. it actually makes a difference. that it wasn't pointless

i don't know. im losing myself but i dont know if ive ever even knew who i was. was i ever anything more than failed expectations and concepts? i dont know. youd ask any of my old classmates who i am, and if they remember me, they might be able to tell you something. if you asked me, id have answer. a mistake, in all functionality of the word. not stretching, not dramatizing, quiet literally a bastard child and ive thought over it for months and i can safely say, if i was never conceived, that my family (tho they never would've been together) would be so, so happy in life

one half of me tears apart at this, they'd be so much happier right? but the other is the somber truth-ish that realizes the futility of it all. there'd be no point in killing myself tomorrow, ive already existed. ive already made marks and my death will have it's consequences. if i really want to repent for the sin of being born, then i should work myself to death for them. as an apology. (funny how they might not even stay together lmao, ah well i can just wire money to diff places ig if they move away lol) then after the last member of my direct family dies, i can just go find some random ditch and off myself lmao. i dont know. when I was like 12 i always planned to kill myself by 30 yk? death scared me, if god doesn't exist then where will my parents go? (i didn't really care about me lmao. im scared of the passage of time, but i welcome my eternal damnation with open arms lol) idk. aethiesm scared me. cause at that point (still do, mostly) i didnt believe in god per say. but then, there came the mortal issue, how to deal with death? at the time, i just thought that religion stemmed from the human fear of death. so people made up a god to comfort themself. i didn't blame them, how could you? reality hurts. it kills. i wish i could believe like they do. but i dont

eh whatever, i just dont think about it much. i cant picture a time where my parents will die. that they wont be there. i can see id probably spiral trying to cope, maybe die from alcoholism or smth else lol. but at point in time, it might sound a bit bad to say but once my first family member dies, i kind of hope the others follow soon. so i dont have to stick around either. typing this now, it makes me think, and thinking makes me want to claw my heart out of my chest but i dont have the capacity to feel much right now. it's like it's all blocked or heavily fogged up lol

it's hard. to remember other people. are real, ya know? is that weird to say? probably. time passes without you knowing it, i don't know. i have a lot i want to say but it's pretty much impossible to even pick out a string of words to start with

i don't know. ive loved people sure, but they're usually my friends lmao. im never sure if i really truly love them or if i just like the idea of them i have in my mind. ive loved in specific, for maybe like 2 years now lmao? not sure. there's the, do i actually like her enough to confess and risk our friendship? if i say no, is it because i dont actually like her or just cuz im 'shy' (lol)?

sometimes i imagine, idk that we lived close to each other or something, that i actually know who you are in real life, i imagine then id probably be able to distructure or solidify my, currently just random disconnected fluffy bits, of feelings lmao. idk. i love you, yeah i can say that with confidence

but is it romantic? what even is romantic love? isn't romantic love, just platonic love with extra steps? do i insist on it because i truly want to be actively in love with you or is it just the kind of love that will have to be satiated by knowing the subject of affection (in this case you lmao) is living a happy life? even if you did actually say yes, would i be able to meet the image of a 'healthy relationship' in my head? that takes communication, that takes work, i imagine i can do it but reality says otherwise lmao. idk. i love you enough to not want to do something that shitty to you. i want you to be happy, i want for you to be happy and secure and confident in your existence. i never want to see you where i am right now lmao, but i can't exactly stop it either way. it's a human experience i guess? and that's not even counting the "holy shit your being so parasocial and weird ew" i assure you the voice in my head abt this is plenty lmao.

but yeah. i love you. i'd send you flowers or even my heart if you wanted, i dont know if im joking but i dont know if i actually mean it, in the sense i dont know if im feeling the emotions i think i should be when saying something like that. i want my words to count for something, but how do i do that when i spend all my breathe trying to make up for my lack of action lmao.

but yeah, pretty much takeaway, i love you. now that i know you exist in the world, somewhere out there i dont know if i could go back to before i knew about you lol. i don't know if it's romantic or platonic, i don't know if i should pursue it or let it fade. but if you asked me take my last breathe then mail you my lungs, i probably would - let's half the shipping costs tho lmao. if you asked me to do something horrible and went against my entire sense of self, i also probably would. i dont know. the idea of it being for someone i love calms the possible thoughts of anxiety lmao. if you asked me to write you endless poetry, i probably would too, not saying it'd be good ofc but well, lol.

i'll be here, as long as you stick around. even if the day comes, you do move on with your life and this blog gets abandoned, ill still be here probably, just missing you a whole lot.

everything's confusing. everyday's its own battle and all it takes is one loss, lol.

ah well, i'll live my life loving you, i think ill be happy at least, having said this much

i love you a lot jaz, wholeheartedly i do

this entire ask is weird, feel free to leave out and not answer anything you want. dont even have to answer this if you want. answer and publish it, toss it into the void. anything's fine, im sorry i told you all this lol. idk, charades and distance and reality can only be stiffling for so long before i lost it and do something impulsive like send you this lmao. i'm not looking for your pity or sympathy, don't worry abt that part lol/genuine/lighthearted

i just. needed an outlet. i guess. haphazardly thrown together as this ask is. this is already more than i could've ever asked lmao, being able to speak all this out into the world, somewhere, to someone. thats all really

i love you so much jaz. take care, even if not that then please live to see tomorrow. i hope you have so, so many wonderful tomorrow's ahead of you. i love you

i settle with thinking about how our hypothetical relationship would probably all up burst in flames because of me LMAO. it's fun to think about. i love you, ill be here for you. im sorry im telling you all this

im severely aware of how unwarranted, weird, parasocial, delusional and arguably cruel this whole thing is. im pretty much objectifying you, i wish i knew you but that's another thing that's probably gotta have to stay in the "keep delusions inside till they die" room lol. im sorry. for all this.

i love you, im sorry i keep saying it lmao, it gets annoying and this whole thing is already bothersome enough as is. this whole thing isn't me trying to guilt trip you or anything btw, sincerely i apologize if it does come off that way.

i always said to myself "you can't claim to truly love someone, if your willing to let their wellbeing rely on risk." pretty much risking how negative this might impact your mind or mood, im sorry. im a hypocrite. i really do truly love you, i dont know why im telling you all this, im sorry jaz, i love you

please live a life you won't regret in the end, im sorry for asking you something like this.

thank you for existing in the same period as me, it's already a chance in a million. thanks also for having the anon option in your tumblr lmao, i probably would've never said any of this to you. im sorry i did, again, btw.

i love you sincerely, jaz. that much i can say, and i know ill have been honest with myself

i love you so so very much

Anon I'm not a very good comforter for things like these, I don't have a way with words even though my favourite subject is English. But let me just say this, anon.

You are an incredibly talented person, you are special to the people who love you, you are beautiful, you are kind, and most of all, you are a very loving person. You're probably one of the most romantic people I know, anon! I love your poetry, I love your use of words. I love the asks you send me every now and then and they make me extremely happy. You are worth it.

I love you anon. I love you in a way that my mom slices apples for me to eat, I love you in a way that my cousins play Roblox with me. I love you, even if it was platonic or romantic. I love you. Saying it won't mean that you're in love with them instantly, no! It's just- we love.

I wish I lived near you as well, wherever you may be. Or whoever you may be. It's okay if you won't reveal yourself, that's alright with me. As long as you are alive and well, as long as you take care of yourself, as long as you're safe- that's enough for me, anon. You love so much, and I consume all of the things you write to me, the things you say. Because I love them, because I love you.

Please be safe, take care, I love you, anon

[handsomegentlebutch]

Top 5 daydream scenarios.

I spend a lot a time daydreaming, so I was wondering if you had a favorite theme/scenario that plays out when you get distracted.

ooohhh okay okay. fuck this is hard but i'll try and narrow it down bc i also day dream a lot

whatever i'm writing about/planning for my motw game. once i have an idea it possesses my every thought until i can get it out, planned, and on paper where it will lay in wait to bite my friend's characters. right now i'm half working on the next big arc (i'm calling it "Magical (Murderer) Mystery Tour" and half finishing some stuff for this sunday's session. one of the pcs ran a background check on the other (they're still adjusting to the group and are really sus of each other) and her father was murdered when she was 13. i'm writing up the police report and crafting crime scene photos that he'll find. and some fun flavor stuff the player gave me about their character :3

whatever is going on in the vtm game my friend runs. i think about the npcs and our pcs so much. amadora deluca. my babygirl. my precious little meow meow. party wizard. blood freak. queen of suppressing her emotions (esp of anger and grief). mean femme lesbian icon. best vampire. can and will shoot to kill and you will thank her for it (as you should.)

Hanging w my longtime internet friends irl. i've known one 10+ years and the other 5+ years. they're in the ttrpg group that i play the above mentioned games with. i met one them SUPER briefly after they were coming home from the UK meeting our other friend when they had a layover in my city but. damn i just wanna hang out with my friends in the flesh zone. i'd kill to play one of our games in person and thats only kind of a joke. i met my british friend a few years ago in 2018, but a death in my family kinda cut the fun short, so it would be nice to have an irl visit not overshadowed by grief

i day dream about meeting the love of my life a lot. its always like... vague feelings and scenarios that leave me with butterflies in my stomach. embarrassing. i try to be vague about my future wife on purpose, even in my day dreams, bc i don't wanna set up unrealistic or idealistic expectations for someone i haven't met yet. doesn't seem fair to my future wife and also tbh? a lil unhealthy on my part. like its fine to day dream, i think its good to be a bit of a dreamer but i also don't want to be maladaptive about it, u know?

sex stuff. embarrassing how horny i am. maybe i'm just lonely and touch starved, which i'm sure is some of it. its actually almost a year since i've been hugged by a non-family member. its also been almost a year since i've had sex which is... depressing tbh. i'm a whore in theory and not in practice. so. i think about it a lot. i like to think me day dreaming about sex will make me braver and a better flirt but... i know my audience (me) far too well lmao

[rawrmeansilyindinosawr]

Pooperz

every song i listen 2 from now ONN / mo0bin forwarDDt HAZ to hav the redbone tune underneath it (song can b layered a bunch) n Thtz w NO eggceptions n settling . :-] N if u fuk me thru a soundcloud ad Thts how I kno u love me <3 .!!! i wrote a lil poetry zine on “on loving a trans boy” Cuz. like. idk. Not 2 get 222 personal but (Also if 222 is ur angel number i HATE U AND fuck U!!!!) it diff to experience as a queer person whut it lik to giv someone they T shot n lik actually see them grow n change thru it .!

Part of the poem i wrote (it on my poetry Ig account and tumblR) :

“the first time u intertwine ur body with him u will feel the pain it took for him to get here. yet all the strength. the battle the bruises the scars. u change ur semantics. and pay attention to his movements. resonate with the feeling of familiarity in a body torn open but completely soft. and the clothes are off. and we are both nude. but the vagina still remains an open wound. something u can not bandage. only describe as something reclaimed.”

Deezz NUTZ jk i mean Dis Week ish has been sad n i hav been doin 2 much blow n spiraling upwards Alwayzz n finding out u kan txt tha Suicide hotline now instead of Kall <3 *_* :-D !!!!! Also b4 they connect u with somEoNe they Ask if Ur Gay lmao cuz there a specialist Gay Person who knowz how to talk to u in a better way.?! i Tink watching Ded Poet Society triggered meH LOl. wellbutt anywayZzz.!!!! Nyfw w is overrrrr n I had nothing 2 do wiff it :/] but moi bestie dante Had a styling gig n wuz AMWZINGGGGGG.!!! :3 we went to a fashion show n Skipt line while he farted rly loud < im sry im puttin u on blast rn Babezz. > then blamed iT on Meh which bc of swiss army man A24 movie i WilL take tha blame cuz intimacy exists rly in Flatchulance n also sharing toilet 2gether in the backstage models bathroom of tha Fashion show resNorting old K we find our nostrils then Mixing rando drinkz we find on the makeup tablezz n bein surprised Dere r keBoobZ there n Pb n J sammyz. liK oK go OFF n actually b a professhh Fashion Show…!!!! den we fake watched tha superbowl at Hush in midtown N almost lost Praying”Gods FavZ” purse n i was caught littering my almond chocolate soy Milk on a stripper stage . Run!!!!! also dat E pill wuz rly cute it wuz pink n crown shaped but Wuz everything kinda not as happy and super blurry..!!! ?

Dissh week i also Swuirted to clairo nitecore edition :-]] n h8 havin adhd but at least im kNo how 2 eat salami by the Chub. (thts whut google calls it.) Hehehhehehehehe. gettin moi diagnosis finalized Tmrw hopefully n Gettin on Summ medicinez. im v adhd hyper fixated Rn on ice spice who Wuz also suppoSt 2 pull up 2 dat fashion show we were at butt didn’t. 4 now , everything Reminds meh of her</3 ….. Orange cones on tha st , pepper grinderzz/ shakers (spice) , 5 chinese spice , my friends dog “lunch” boXxx cuz his name rhymes w munch n n n n n Yah lik honestly Everything . ?!.?!

WakiNg Up w Negativez in my account cuz my Boss not bossa Nova forgot 2 paY meH ovEr thA course of Tha Last month N i didn’t even kno til i wuz in my Sexy crushes bed listening 2 Imogen heAp N In Tha Clurbb mixx by Sandalz n they wrote poetry 4 ffivee hours straight n My tummy hurteD fuz i was drinkin truffle SoY saUce from the bottle and i wuz manically checking my Bank statements 2 submit to Snapp HRA crackle Pop Rice Krispieeezzz. Also all of dis happened w a singulaR Vegan Taiwanese green onion pAnc@Ke on the floor on a chacoochie board with bulgolgi and kimchi n more truffle soy sauce . Untouched .

alSo found Untouched by the Veronicas on soundcloud but lik sped up n Holy shit i hav loved this song forever but literally lik YO diss is my heart..?!!!!!! “And I don't give a damn what they say, or what they think, think

'Cause you're the only one who's on my mind

I'll never, ever let you leave me

I'll try to stop time forever

Never wanna hear you say goodbye

I feel so untouched and I want you so much

That I just can't resist you

It's not enough to say that I miss you

And I need you so much

See you, breathe you

I want to be you

You can take, take, t-take, take, time, time

To live, live the way you gotta, gotta live your life

Give me, give me, give me all of you, you

Don't be scared, of seeing through the loneliness

I want it more, more, more

Don't even think about what's right or wrong, or wrong or right

'Cause in the end it's only you and me

And no one else is going to be around

To answer all the questions left behind

And you and I are meant to be

So even if the world falls down today

You've still got me to hold you up, up

And I will never let you down, down”

<33333

Y does it feel like moi crush doesnT like me rn. :-[ N Y do lesbians Always hav the MOST unstable Housing situationZ??? then either wanna UHaul with U or move to ASTORIA .?!? Also i hope all of u make assumptions about my sexuality bcuz i Rly rly rly like whipt cream from the Can , and raw . Emphasis on whiPped. n Cream. n RAWr xD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MEOW MEOW RAWR RAWR GRERRR!!!!!!!!!!!!1 i kant keep rereading the msg i didn’t Send i ended up calling n yelling n Thts whut got meh bLocked. :-[[ Rugratzs .!!! i luv staying up watching movies w my friends ex’s Im tryna get wiff and Accidwntally thinking K is coke and feeling lik SHIT butt watchin every1 giv intense eye contact n cleanin da house n then losing tha dog Lik WHTFFF.?! Then All of a sudden that plug pulls up N everyone is confused N also randomly the guy living upstairs has my iPhone location N pulls downstairs 2 hangs:-]]] i always wonder if I’m popular but in reality i am just breaking oUt on my ForeheAd cuz all i eat is fried Chiggen N moi green haired browneyedd luver looks like invader zimm sometimezz alotta Da time n i think they r SKUTE.!! n i lik their lisp! im SAD sad my 2/2 cis male friend is gOnna print out a sign on his door Dat Says “blood OathinG” with a Red Circle around it n a Line around it basically sayin NOOOOOoooOoOoOoT allowed.!! butt ima blood oath wiffhh invader Jim dish nxt week n it is a PLANZZ.!!

i wrote a poem ab our phone Kall tht has impacted meh m my heart n also this is a snippet of 1 of my poems in my new book i still writing Kalled STRAWBERRY DELIRIUM :-}}”my friends don’t wanna die anymore they wanna live . they don’t wanna slip away to shreds with fentanyl test strips. they still wanna snort k n apologize for being gay but we all r human longing for all of this…” N another poem tht explainzz this blog title. Cuz i luv my fwendz n shared a moment in which we found popperz.

“Felt that rush on my head

as i laid in ur bed

and found a vile hidden

under ur pillow

u laugh and i manically panic

turning bright lite crimson red

And when it spills all over ur arms

drip dropping like tap water

i snort it all off ur arms

and i h a t e the way it makes me feel

similar to the feeling like ill fall

when im in my platform shoes

going up n down ur spiral stair case that looks like slices of cheesecakes

and u sigh scream cuz u never liked them at all

and hate is a strong word but so is love

And i hate the way the poppers make me feel

but i do love you “

okIkkkKkkkKkk i kinda hate that poem but whatever. sooo Vday wuz cute it is n0T only single awareness day but reflecting on ur situationsjips day n feeling sad ab it day but whatev. NormalZe watching cHaterbAte on the subWay n mindIng ur FooOoking Business?..!! my Friends say if i were a sammicH i wuld b a caprese. butt i feel like a ruben. #misunderstood <\3 i hav been watching SM hellokitty n Fwendzz n realized am kuromi and hello kitty is my friend .!!! N i listen to metal N rock w my headphonezz Real Hi n Loud n mak moi own clothes .! N i hav a crush on badtzmaru cuz they look like a penguin dyke n their gender is X.!! <3 <3 🐧 🫶🏻👩🏻‍❤️‍👩🏻 they r epitome of sapphic Desirezz n untoxic uhaul luv<3 :-]

tIL nxt week.?? Carl wheezer luver n Cali King bed listener on Max volume on subway N my big three is adderal sun , ketamine moon , cocaine rising <3 Also no i did NOT clog tha toilet at a house party after party this week N no i did not need help unclogging it N no i don’t even poop or do popperz cuz i’m PERFECT…!!!!!!!<333

Xoxo,

Rennybabycutebabyangel plz buy my clothes n ask ab my story sale / failed depop. :-]

[lord-of-nightmares-and-anguish]

my mom keeps on yelling about how she won’t pay for college, like im not this > < close to offing myself and making her pay for a funeral instead

[markiplitessepticeyes]

do you ever just go into the Friendly Jimmy tag or the Stan the Water Man tag and feel like apart of your heart is missing.

[sunghun]

jay as your skater boyfriend

requested; yes!!

warnings; uhmm some cursing and mentions of scraped hands/knees??

note; this is so long. goodbye.

when you first met...

skater bf jay........

mm what a Thought

now as previously mentioned

when you two first met

he was kinda cold and came off as a little dismissive

not to mention the fact that he looked really good intimidating as hell

so you were like damn :/ the hot dude with the skateboard doesn’t like me ://

BUTTT

he was actually just low-key nervous and kinda shy

bc he thought you were really pretty :(

so he didn’t talk much to keep from saying smth embarrassing

but finds out as soon as you leave how badly that backfired on him when jake (ur mutual friend who introduced you to each other) was just like

“bro what the hell was that”

“what? what’s wrong??”

“i should be asking YOU that. do you not like y/n :(“

and he’s just like wydm!! y/n is so cute! and pretty!! and nice!!! and i think i’m in love!!!!

and thus begins the journey of jay’s insufferable pining

when he finally confessed....

omg but the next time you guys met he was like. overly friendly with you

bc he wanted to make up for the last time

but really all it did was confuse you

like is he just being nice bc jake told him to??

or does he just feel guilty??

?????

you are confusion

omg but he tried SO hard to look cool in front of you by doing Cool Skateboard Tricks idk what else to call them u guys

but half the time you weren’t even paying attention and when you WERE he’d mess up and just embarrass himself

no but a few months later when he was trying some new move he fell and scraped his hands and knees :(

and you got So worried :((

you insisted that he let you help him

which i mean. he’s obviously not gonna say no to lol

so you guys were just sitting on a bench in front of the convenience store where you got some stuff to clean him up with

the sun is starting to set

and just the way that it’s shining against the side of your face and through your hair

they way that you’re so concentrated on applying the band-aid to his hand just right

that you were so concerned for him

he just can’t hold it in anymore

“i really like you, y/n.”

......

you just fucking froze lmao

“but…i thought you hated me?”

and he's just like o_o "Huh??"

"yeah i mean the first time we met you were kind of...idk intimidating, and you didn't really talk, but then you started being nicer and i just thought that you were doing it for jake :("

and that just makes him so 🥺🥺🥺

he took your hand in his so gently while looking into your eyes

"y/n, i promise you nothing about the way i treat you has anything to do with jake. if i had known that was the way you felt i would've confessed a lot sooner. the only reason i didn't say much when we first met was because i didn't wanna look stupid, but obviously that didn't work because i made the person i like the most think i hated them. i guess i don't need any help looking stupid, i'll do it all on my own."

and you can't help but laugh

and jay just looks at you with LITERAL heart eyes omg

you can't stop yourself from leaning forward and giving him a kiss on the cheek

"if it makes you feel any better, i really like you too."

and thus begins your relationship :D

when you started dating...

pls you two are cute AF

definitely a fan of pda but like in a chill way

like any time you're together jay's hand is practically glued to yours

also likes having his arm wrapped around your shoulders or waist

loves to kiss you in front of the guys just to make them jealous 😜 like lol. single losers

skateboarding dates :(

like after he teaches you how to ride y’all will just skate around together while holding hands :((

luuuuuvs to take you out on late night dates

like going to the playground at midnight and just sitting on the swings and talking about everything and nothing 🥺😭

also veryvery protective of u!!

definitely the type of guy to walk closer to the road when you’re near the street

and really he just likes taking care of you in general

like you don’t even have to ask him for a jacket.

you two will meet up and he’ll notice that it’s a little chilly and you don’t have a sweater or anything

so he just takes off his hoodie and gives it to you

“but babe what about you?”

and he’ll just shrug with a cocky little smirk and be like “guess we’ll just have snuggle close. you know, for body heat.”

would defs tie your shoes for you 🥺🥺

and if you’re ever like “i can do stuff by myself you know 😠 i’m not a baby 😠😠”

he’ll just give you a lil kiss and say “you’re not A baby but you’re MY baby” 🥺🥰

he’d also get you lots of little gifts and things bc they remind him of you

your favorite is the teddy bear he got you when you were sick :(

wait but he would be SUCH a good kisser like 👀👀

everyone complains about you two making out all the time even tho you don’t do it that often

but like hello have you seen him??? you go bestie get that fine ass man

anyways i’ll stop here for that part otherwise things may take a more ✨mature✨ turn and i’m not quite legal yet lol

come see me again in about 3 months and we can talk about that

wait but he would call you So many pet namesssss

whether it’s just a cute version of your actual name or something like angel, sweetheart, sugar, etc.

his favorite is baby tho 🥺 bc as stated earlier he just likes to take care of you 🥺🥺

pls he loves u so much 🤧 sobbing actual tears rn

alright i’m gonna stop here otherwise i may go on all day lmao

basically skater bf!jay is an absolute dream and i low-key made myself sad writing this

[qingxintea]

heartbreak avenue (3) || albedo x reader

heartbreak avenue (1) heartbreak avenue (2) -- tell me how, do you do this thing called living? when theres nothing more to gain. gn reader -- ignore the link below idk how tf to hyperlink on mobile but that’s ur part 4 ig

damn. imagine missing mond so much that you visit just for the vibes and accidentally become a one time vigilante for dominating over a couple abyss mages

how oddly specific!

you moment.

TO BE FAIR, you didn't mean to and also ur just strong with that 245% crit damage ugh yeah yeah get it ig

it was night time, like, idk 1am and you were in this cloak because idk look swaggy and comfortable

abyss mage went ŏ̸̡̡̹̘͉̫̬̬̭̘̙̝͐͒̆̈́̒̿̄́͠͝ǒ̸̧̺͕̣̬̝̱͈̭̭̻̮̈̏̔͆̑̀̍ǫ̵̡̜̲̭̠̤̰̹͍̣͎̤̈́̓̍͠ḩ̴̡͍̣̹̯̭̩̮̣̩̭́̔̀̍͊̂͒́̆͘͜͝͝ȃ̷̧̡̢̡̨̛̪͓̤̜͕̳̦̼͊̏̃͆̓̈́̈́̽̈́͌͐̋̚ͅh̸̡̩͍̟͕̥͚̰̰̟̮̖̪̉̈́͛͂̍̾a̸̧̢͕̙̞̳̩͈̲͉͕̒̆̎̐̎̍̀͊͘̚͝h̸̡̼͓̝͕̫̤̰̱̬̣̗͚̙̀͜ and you were like "lmao shut up"

and like it did! because you made it shut up and also mans diluc was watching in his dark knight hero thingy

of course you noticed his presence from the beginning, you just wanted to piss him off and act like he wasn't there at all

you walked. straight past him like he was actually on the bridge in the middle and you just w al ked .

i mean ofc he gonna say something. and he did. dude said "who r u"

stared at him directly in the eye and said "the embryo made of chewed bubblegum."

he stared. sh o ck ed . what were you even saying

"jk im a resident of mondstadt, visiting from my liyue trip."

"and how do i know you arent lying?"

you sighed and grabbed your dendro vision, letting him look at the frame. "its incased in a mondstadt styled frame." after a few seconds, you put it back. "if that is all, i'll be going."

"k"

"literally fuck off" you responded and walked inside.

sometimes you forget how rude mondstadt people are lmao loser.

ok so like this donna girl really went up to you like "JFKLSJFLKSDJFL NUMBER ??? HELLO ?? UMM THE WAY YOU SAVED MONDSTADT RLKDFFC" and you resisted every urge to flip her off on the spot.

you just stayed and let her talk, smiling through all of it. your hood was still on but it was quite windy s ooo

its been ten minutes. girl please let us go. you were literally begging for anyone to cut in because ur too nice (or unbothered) to tell her to shut up even though you totally went off on diluc aadahahhshdf

and someone did! not the one you expected though.

"good evening donna, and... oh? who would you be?"

ALBEDO LMAO GET STICKBUGGED? ? ? ?? AH a hjfkahfjah . im so funny .

guys i meant that ironically please

anyway

you got even more uncomfortable lmao and you just looked at him and smiled. what do you respond? "no one of importance."

he heard your voice, saw your eyes and it registered. it was you...

or was that what he wanted to believe?

cause this whole time hes been waiting for you, only using experiments as a thing to pass time. it got... a little more lonelier, because nothing could replace you.

he decided to not believe it. because 1) you knew well they welcomed you with open arms, so there would be no need to hide yourself

(which is also proof of how much the whole situation fucked up your thinking)

a second of silence before he continues on the conversation with normal evening meeting stuff things idk

then ur like "ahhshaaajk i must be taking my leave now for matters i will not disclose ahaha skidoosh"

skidoosh

so you go to the big venti statue next to the cathedral and just stand. stare. yikes

no ones out right now and theres nothing to do. but you remember this place because its where the both of yall would eat together whenever he had free time (which wasnt that often, but he still made the effort)

you look up to the sky, counting all the stars like you used to.

no ones gonna know that you're here, you decided on that. you only visited because you simply missed it, but after this, you were going back to liyue.

no ones gonna know. because no one needs to know. no one needs to know that you were here. that would only cause more trouble to the situation you tried to avoid

albedo ends up catching up to you later, still having some spark of hope left that it really was you

i mean lowkey there isnt really anything saying it wasnt. he wanted to believe that he was just overthinking when he thought it really wasnt you

like you look the same. sound the same. its just the reasoning of you coming here, but he can push that aside

"(y/n)."

you flinch but didnt react with anything else. he doesnt need to know that its you.

"(y/n)?"

you turn around to meet his eyes as he was approaching you. slightly distancing yourself another inch away as you were not used to the proximity, you responded, "i'm afraid i'm not the one you're looking for."

albedo stops for a moment, and was about to apologize,, but then

yknow that wind i mentioned earlier? like right after donna started bothering you

yeah that same wind blew ur hood off! lmao L

okay time to get serious !

you stay composed and sighed, your breath visible in the cold air.

so your features are exposed, and its so obviously you, like theres literally no way it cannot be you

"it really is you..." he doesnt understand why youre not admitting to it. "(y/n), please.."

you shake your head and walk away but mans grabs your wrist gently

"(y/n), whats wr-" he starts, but youre quick to respond

"im not (y/n)." you flat out said it and looked right into his eyes. and you swear there were small tears even if he was deemed nonchalant.

he doesnt understand, its your physical features, and your same energy, there is no other person that completely matches it.

he pulls you closer to examine this black smudge on your hand, a small yelp of surprise coming from you.

"this is... ink," he studied the properties of the substance. "you responded to my letter a day ago. (y/n)... i know by now. there's no reason to hide it."

you step away, freeing your hand from his grasp. your voice broke, tears forming in the corners of your eyes. "i'm not... i'm not (y/n). i never will be. i'll never be so vulnerable again, i'll never be so naive again, i'll never be so lonely again, i will never ever be anything like they were again."

your vision blurred, but you werent oblivious to the tears streaming down his face as well. reaching to brush them away, you paused and let it drop to his shoulder instead.

"albedo. i... the (y/n) you knew... they're gone now. and if i could revert back to them any time, i would, i swear, but... i'm al-... they..." you buried your head in your hands. "i'm broken. to the point that i refuse to identify as the (y/n) you know me by."

doesnt know what to say, so he almost pulls you into a hug before you move out of the way. something you never did.

"don't... please. it never works out in the end." you shake your head, facing the other way. "for me at least."

"..we could work together, no?" he tried, still oblivious about your feelings towards him.

"only if you're willing to cross your moral boundaries," you looked back and tilted your head. taking a deep breath, you continued, "but you know that neither of us are willing to do that."

he couldn't say anything, because as much as he hated to admit something for once, you were right about that. at this point, he would've thought that literally any extent would've been fine to reach to bring you back.

yet in multiple situations where he's doubted himself before, theres always a line he will never cross.

"...i wish you the best. treat her well because i worked hard." you walked away without him stopping you this time. i worked hard. not we worked hard.

even if you had honestly felt that way, there was no chance the old you wouldve actually voiced that.

and so he watched you slip from his grasp again, only this time, he stopped himself from holding you back from his own will.

yet he swears- the next time he meets you again, he will bring you back.