#like if he would’ve said Jude’s name that sure as hell wouldn’t have been a question

[darlingod]

QoN Ch.6

WAITTTT I just realized at the trial Cardan asks Jude “Taryn?” instead of stating it because he can’t lie & he knows its Jude oh how I love to see it

(I’m aware he later on admits knowing it was Jude when she walked in the room but STILL aweeee)

[radiosandrecordings]

Crossposting my @summer-in-the-archives-event fic here too. [AO3] [Accompanying beautiful art]

He’d never get used to the rolling fields of quiet.

Miles behind and miles to go, not that he could see any of it through the thick blanket of fog that clung to his ankles, and his wrists, and his eyes. Miles to go before I sleep…

It was hard to describe the rain that fell, because even ‘fell’ felt like too active a descriptor. It didn’t pour, it didn’t ‘beat down’, it didn’t pelt, because those all required a sense of agency that the landscape just felt too apathetic to muster. It simply existed, and just happened to be moving downwards by coincidence.

Jon wasn’t sure if he knew or Knew that it seeped into his clothes, coating his skin, but he couldn’t even feel the droplets landing, even pinpricks of touch creating too much of a sensation for this place. He briefly wondered that, if he still had need for his glasses, would the rain even make the effort to trickle down and cloud the lenses.

The last Lonely domain he’d passed through, he’d never seen the avatar that lorded over it. He didn’t have any real interest in finding out, not like the personal vendettas that lead him to seeking out Jude, or Jared. Because with Peter dead he wasn’t left with any Lonely avatars left to chase, save the vague notions of the Lukas extended family. He was simply going to keep his head down and keep trudging, hopefully emerging through the thick banks of mist before he lost his mind to the monotony. If there was ever something to make you miss muffled cries from beneath the earth…

“Why are you here?”

The sound was accusatory, and may as well have been a shotgun in the silence. The damped chill was nothing in comparison to the ice that shot up his spine. The voice had no clear origin, no figures even silhouetted in shadow against the overgrown grass, but it came in close, delivered on the gentle, numbing breeze. Despite this, though, never in a thousand domains could he forget the sound of it. Of course it was his. Of course. Of course. “Martin?”

“No! ”

The voice sounded… Angry. But hurt, like it flinched away from the word. Like something that had been left to sit in the dark too long, that recoiled back from a stinging source of light.

“... I’m going to assume no one has called you that in a long time.” He tried to keep his voice light, as much as the stifling atmosphere would allow it.

“No one is anything here. It’s easier that way. If you’re somebody, you can be hurt. If you have too much personality, too many little facets and cracks, things start to snag and catch on it, and it drags you down to where things ache. But if you’re nothing, then they don’t have anything to cling onto. You can just slip away unharmed.” The voice sounded like it was moving, curling around him and moving from ear to ear, forward and back as it droned on in that echoing monotone that Jon had hoped he would never hear again, and at the same time, had longed to.

“And what about the good things?”

“There isn’t anything good, not anymore. You saw to that.”

Jon snorted. “Low blow, but fair.” He hesitated for a moment, trying to summon the words.

He’d had time, after he left the Lonely, to consider his actions. Regret pooled like acid in his stomach at the memory, and somehow it hurt more than ending the world. He wouldn’t say it was more important. He knew whatever he felt, and moreso, knew that one human life, was not paramount to the suffering of every creature great and small, but it felt more tangible. When he walked through the hellscapes, they were dreamlike, hazy, information in such clarity but to an extreme where it still felt nonsensical to perceive it as reality. He knew the fundamental truths that surrounded him but it still felt hard to accept them even as he lived them.

Yet despite having lived without it for eight months prior, the space beside him that failed to solidify into Martin still stung with his absence. And Jon regretted it every not-day he spent walking the hellscape, both in knowing he doomed a good man to suffering, or worse, revelry, in this new world, and in the far more personal, and far more selfish, part of him that missed him so goddamn much.

“But- But Martin, I think I made a mistake.”

“Obviously.”

“Not- Not that. I mean, when we were in the Lonely. The- The first time. With Peter Lukas.” The silence droned on, and Jon took that as his cue to continue. “Do you remember what I said? That maybe you were safer here? And that’s… That’s why I let you stay. I didn’t push you to, to leave with me because I thought you wanted to be here, that you’d be safer here than you’d be with me. But I don’t think that was entirely true.”

“I am safe here.”

“Maybe so. It doesn’t mean it’s better though, does it. Martin, I saw those people, in the last Lonely domain. I know it’s different, they were victims and you’re… You’re an avatar, here, you’re feeding off of all of this, but I promise you they were not happy. They were so alone and it didn’t protect them, it just made it worse. Think about it, the logic of this world. There are threats out there of unimaginable horror, and yet they were still assigned here, it’s their worst nightmare. And you were assigned here too. You’re all suffering, just in different ways, but all calculated to be your personal worst.”

“The Martin Blackwood you thought you knew doesn’t exist anymore. He had to be filed down, too many breaks and tears in him that grew and grew, any time someone raised a harsh word. The best way for him to be protected, is for him to go away entirely. You cannot hurt something that doesn’t exist.”

“Are you sure about that? Because you just said ‘I’.”

“What? ” That anger reemerged again, and as staunched as it was it was beautiful, a return to form amongst the dull monotone, reminiscent of the few times Jon had been privileged enough to witness a truly pissed off Martin Blackwood.

Jon found himself grinning. “You said ‘I am safe here’. Emphasis on the ‘I’. Ergo, you still have some form of identity left, and thus I would wager that the part of you left is Martin. Unless I’ve wandered across some other avatar of the Lonely who sounds like him, of course.”

“You’re always so fucking smug, you know that?”

The voice is coming from behind him. Actually, physically, presently behind him and Jon spins around so fast he’s almost dizzy.

And as much as it made his heart soar, and much as he was glad to finally, finally , see him again when he’d thought he never would, Martin looked… Bad.

His skin had darkened, mottled and blotchy with large swathes of a bruise-like blue or sickly green cropping up across his face and neck, or the parts of his forearms visible where his cable knit sleeves rolled back. It was like frostbite from the cold, or some disturbing onset of trench-foot from the damp, corpselike and unsettling. What was worse, though, were the parts that simply ceased. His hair didn’t even reach the tips, simply fading out into a grey static that merged with the mist, and it consumed his eyes whole, tear tracks streaking down his face in patterns of fuzzy, crackling grey that snapped and popped in the silence, far too reminiscent of a tape.

The sight made Jon’s heart clench like a fist, the combination of relief and horror, and in that moment he understood Jane Prentiss more completely than he ever had before. It would’ve felt like a rude comparison to consciously make, the person he cared for most equated to a pulped and writhing mass that churned out creatures that made your skin crawl before tearing into it. But he knew what she had seen in it, that call towards the thing that fascinated you, despite the turning it causes in your stomach.

Despite this, however, Jon steeled himself. This was rapidly becoming a battle, and he couldn’t afford the cost of emotions. He had to keep Martin, well… Martin. Draw out the emotion. In short, be a bit of a bastard. So instead, he cocked an eyebrow. “I thought you liked that about me?”

He could see Martin’s fists clench, the colour of his extremities dyed black from frostbite. The irritation was still clear as he started into “Fucking hell J-” but they both appeared taken aback as he dissolved into a choking, hacking cough.

It took everything in him for Jon to tamp down the need to surge forward, put a hand on his back and ask if he was okay. It was a strangely mundane thing; the man was made out of static and fog and despite seeming to have an on-and-off-again relationship with his corporeal form, this was the first recognisably human thing to adversely affect him. Why, though? What had Martin done to trigger- Oh. Oh .

“That- That priest from the statement… 0113005? Father Burroughs. He couldn’t say the name of god. Anything related to it, really. And you… You couldn’t say my…”

“Don’t flatter yourself,” Martin spat. “You’re not a god or thee god, whatever your new eye magic might imply. It’s just…” He let out a breath that turned into a grumble. While his eyes had always been cloudy, he was now refusing to meet Jon’s gaze.

Regardless, it still drew a breathy laugh out of him. “No, I’m not that far gone into my own self importance yet. But… It’s about the connection, isn’t it?” Something in the conversation had changed, it’s tone or it’s flow, that felt contradicting. Tension coiling up to spring, or they’re barrelling towards a culmination, but at the same time, Jon felt like the wind had been kicked right out of him. He lowered himself to the ground, slowly, settling among the grass and trying to ignore the unpleasant dampness under him. Hey, he could feel the damp again. That was something.

“That’s more flattering, actually, I would say… The Lonely, it thinks if you acknowledge me directly, that would loosen it’s hold on you.” Jon huffed out a breath. “You know I listened to all the tapes. What was it that Daisy said to you, when I was on the run? ‘People say you two are close’? Well, the Lonely appears to agree.” He took a minute before adding, “I would, as well. And, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I was too… Too in my own head, before, to admit it. Too much of a coward to do it before that, even. But you need to know I love you. And I know that you… Cared for me, at least? Even if I stuck my head in the sand to ignore it. But the Lonely seems to think you do, still. So will you please come back to me? I know it’s not- I know it won’t be much better, travelling through the domains, but it’s all I can offer and it has to be better than this. I can’t promise anything kind will be waiting for us in London, but you’d be yourself again, and I can’t… Martin, I can’t lose you again. To leave here, again, without you, I’d be losing you. Please.”

“No.”

There wasn’t even a delay to his response, stating it in monotone the second Jon had finished speaking. It felt like ice, lancing through his heart.

“Martin. Martin, please -”

“I said no. I thought you would’ve learned by now; I’m not exactly amenable when you come crawling to me with half baked plans of escape. Because you don’t love me, you love the idea of me. You are quite literally the only free man left in the world and you’re lonely . So you’re looking for a familiar face. Kind Martin, caring Martin, always there with tea and taking your side in every argument. Defending you to Tim when you’d just as soon slag him off behind his back, or on tape. Pretty appealing when everyone else is trying to kill you. At least he treated you like a god before this even started.”

Each sentence felt like another dagger to the chest, and it took him a moment to compose himself, tears forming at the corner of his eyes. Eventually, though, Jon spoke. “That’s not true, though. I- Martin I can’t apologise enough that that’s what it’s felt like, for you. But I need you to know, that isn’t true. A-At the start, maybe, I can’t deny I was stupid and spiteful, but you didn’t deserve any of it. And after that… I didn’t do a one-eighty and decide you were a doormat. I liked you because you were secretly enough of a prick as well. Any time you’d pull me out for lunch when I dragged my heels, or argued back when I said something shitty, that was… It felt like I was seeing the real you. The one you didn’t want to let people think of you as, but the one you were, because despite wanting to appear like the picture of innocence, you are a bitch, Martin Blackwood. And that’s my favourite thing about you. Maybe time is sweetening my memory, slightly, but I truly don’t believe there’s rose coloured glasses here. If we walk out of here, I’m not under any sort of illusion that it’ll be a honeymoon. We will doubtless find something to argue over, if not several, but I want that. I want you at my side to, to disagree and point out all my blind spots. We’re both stubborn bastards but I’m stupidly fallible, and I need you to keep me balanced. I don’t want a yes-man, I want you, Martin, and I’m asking for that knowing full well what it entails.”

When the words stopped flowing, he found himself gasping for breath, sobs building in his chest and threatening to spill over. But Martin was standing closer.

“That’s- I don’t- Fuck.” As Jon looked up, wiping at his own eyes, he could see fog starting to trickle from Martin’s mouth, coming in short bursts as his nostrils flared and chest rose and fell noticeably for the first time that Jon had seen since he stepped foot onto the moors. This caused a conflict of emotion in Jon, because while it seemed to be another step towards humanity, Martin letting the Lonely fall to the wayside in favour of reclaiming himself, it also looked far too close to a panic attack to be something worth celebrating.

“I don’t understand,” he finally settled on, voice cracking on the words. He slowly let himself sink to the ground opposite Jon, knees pulled up to his chest. “I left you. Time and again I left you. I left you to work with Lukas, and I left you when you tried to get me to run away, and I left you when I stayed on the beach.” His palms were pressed into his eyes, mist seeping from between his knuckles as he dragged them across his face, though Jon couldn’t be sure if he was attempting to wipe the fog away, or if he was stalling while he faltered, trying to summon the words. Both, maybe. Jon took the silence from him.

“You didn’t really choose that, though. You didn’t feel like you even had a choice. So Martin if… If you’re worried that I think badly of you for that, I don’t. Martin, I’ve done so many terrible things, so to- No, no, actually I don’t mean it like that. I don’t mean that you’re a good person, compared with me. I think you’re a good person full stop. And I just want you to be able to see that. I know the Lonely is quite literally clouding your judgement right now but… Please, just, just make me a deal?”

Martin’s palms were resting on his chin now, cupping his cheeks and curving around his neck. He nodded once, wearily, for Jon to continue.

Jon drew in a breath “I think I’m in some sort of… Bubble. Like a miniature domain, when I’m travelling. I think, if you agree to come with me, even for a little bit, that might dissolve some of the Lonely’s more adverse effects. Make it easier to think, to, to be yourself without its influence. If that is what happens, and you want to return… I’ll bring you back. But please, just… Try? For me?”

Martin sighed, hands dropping from his face. “...Fine.”

“You- Really?”

“Yes. I… Look, J-” Martin bit back another coughing fit. “Look. I am… There is a lot of me right now that wants to leave. The fog is… It’s in my head, figuratively, probably even literally, but… I remember something Basira said. When she got back, from, from The Unknowing . Melanie wanted to know how she got out, when the other three… When you, and Daisy, and Tim, didn’t. She said she reasoned her way out. So I’m going to listen to reason for a minute, as much as it’s paining me.”

Despite those final words, Jon felt his face crack into a smile. “That’s… Yes, you’re right. Well that’s… That’s a very reasonable connection to make.”

And for the first time in a long time, Martin smiled.

“Uhm, so how does this work then?” He eventually said, hand coming up again to scratch the back of his neck in an old nervous habit Jon could not be more happy to see.

“Well”, Jon said, taking a moment to brush sodden grass from his trousers as he got to his feet, “I would say, based on the dream logic that everything here seems to run on here, it should be rather simple.” He held out a hand to tug Martin up after him.

Martin took it.

It was almost cliché, how the Lonely fell away from him. It only took a few seconds, all in all, for the bruising to fade, receding their colourful splotches until his skin lay clear again. His frostbitten fingers healing themselves, sewing broken skin back together and returning to a healthy colour. His face, too, was returning to its original pallor, the change creeping up his neck and across his cheeks and leaving rich brown in its wake. Dark eyes stared down at Jon from behind long lashes, blinking away the last of the fog. He was beautiful.

“Hi,” Jon managed to choke out.

“Hi,” Martin said, and pulled him into his arms.

Jon just let himself be held in the pressure of the embrace for a moment, before bringing a hand up to card his fingers through Martin’s hair. While it had solidified into soft curls, the colour had stayed the same, bleaching it white under his fingertips. He wasn’t sure if Martin had noticed or not, but that was a conversation for another time. They were both a little preoccupied for the moment.

“How do you feel?” Jon eventually said, words pressed into the side of Martin’s neck.

“Uhm. Strange?” Martin eventually settled on. “It’s… I can remember what my thought process was, what the Lonely was pushing me to believe, but it’s like… It’s like the camera panned out, and now I can see it all clearly, and it looks… It looks stupid. Thank you, Jon. For coming to get me.”

“Of course,” Jon whispered, “Of course.”

Another moment passed before Martin spoke up again. “...Did you mean what you said, though? Or was that… Was that just to try and get me to leave? I- I won’t be angry, if it was, that- that’s very clever, I just want to know.”

Jon furrowed his brow. “Which part do you mean?”

Martin let out an agitated sigh. “You- You know which one I mean, Jon. The- The part where that you said that you…”

“That I love you?” Jon said, picking up where Martin trailed off.

Martin’s face flushed, and just the sight of colour spreading across it made Jon’s heart soar, let alone the implications of why . “Of course I did. I- I’m sorry that you would think I would lie about that, even for something like this. No, Martin, I love you. So very much. And I know you might not feel that way anymore, in which case I am very much embarrassing myself here, but I know that you did at one stage so I hope it won’t make things too awkward between us.” “I do, Jon.”

“What?”

“I do. Still feel that way. I love you too, of course I do. My hero.”

It was Jon’s turn to feel his face flush, pleasant warmth bubbling to the surface. “Oh,” was all he managed to stutter out.

“Can I- Jon do you mind if I…” Martin trailed off again, and Jon began to think this might be a recurring theme between them. He’d make it work. He was pretty good at reading Martin, and the eyeline pointed directly at his lips made intentions quite clear.

“Is- Would just the cheek be okay?” He replied. It didn’t really feel like the time for a full run down on where boundaries lay, but he figured it was a start.

“More than,” Martin said, leaning down to press his lips softly against Jon’s cheek. He lingered for a few seconds, skin largely healed but still chapped from the cold, and it was one of the most beautiful things Jon had ever felt. He slipped one hand into Martin’s, and he felt their fingers twine together.

Martin leaned back, clearly trying to calm his grin into something more close-lipped and calm. “Where to now then?”

“Uhm. Forward, really, is just how I’ve been going. There isn’t any real sense of geography to it, we’ll just…. Get there when we get there.”

“Right. Because nothing can be simple these days.”

Jon missed this. He missed him. But he didn’t have to miss him anymore, did he? He was right there.

He squeezed his hand once, and started leading the way.

[tysondabs]

Forest Lawn Memorial Park (Hollywood Hills)

trigger warnings and contents: death/parental death, a cemetery visit, L.A. traffic, expensive whiskey. 

************

If he was a smart person, Tyson would have known he could just google his father’s details and find out where he was interred from there. One simple google would have done it, but not being an internet-first person, he resorted to texting Angela instead. She was more than happy to give him the details, and mention in so many follow-up texts how happy she was he had decided to go see him. The knots in his stomach started then, something inside twisting at the way she said she was happy, proud, and that Johnny would be happy to have him visit, he was sure. There was a succession of emojis, hearts, flowers. The sailor knots twisted themselves tighter.

He set off the next day, somewhere between 2 and 3 on the drive. Had taken another day off at work, more sour faces from Lisa and threatening that he’d all but used up all his vacation days this year, but fuck her; he let any thought of her pass not to ruin the day, started his beat up, paint-chipped Honda civic and hit the road. Stone cold sober, nothing in his system but the black coffee he’d slammed back minutes earlier.

Cruising down Silverlake Boulevard, some familiar scenes until he left the familiar scenes for unfamiliar road, then merged onto the freeway. It was fine until he hit bumper to bumper traffic. Now? Midday? Fucking hell.

He hated driving in L.A. on the best of days, but now, without music, and the heat, and stopping every two minutes as the cars crawled up the drive, he was starting to get stir crazy minutes into the journey. At the next stop he pulled out his phone, checking notifications; a thought occurred to him, or rather, a desire. Maybe he could text Sasha. But he couldn’t picture a way to word ‘going to see my dad’ to her without it sounding fucking weird or stupid, so he tossed his phone to the passenger seat and continued driving (only to pull it back up again a moment later because he forgot he had the GPS going).

At some point, he got too engrossed in his thoughts, and missed the turn into Cahuenga Boulevard. Fucking hell, part two. Maps rerouted though, and after a very long roundabout, he was finally at a stoplight, opposite some weird building-slash-cottage. ‘Valhalla Entertainment’, the banner said, and that rang a bell (wasn’t that Jude’s kid’s name?). 14 years in this city, and he had absolutely no clue which part this was. Somewhere between the Hills, before or past the Hollywood Bowl, he rarely came here unless it was a party. The distractions had him nearly missing his turn into Barham, but he pulled it just as the light turned green, the odyssey getting longer by the minute and it would be a miracle, he felt, if he made it at all. At this point, there was an itch to just Fucking Get There, wherever ‘there’ was. He drove past a flower shop, contemplated stopping but decided against it. What good were flowers anyway, he had something better with him — a bottle of Four Roses bourbon, sitting passenger seat beside him. Johnny liked that one. Or so he thought. At any rate, there was a photo of him holding a bottle of it somewhere on the internet, one he looked psychotically happy in, that was burned into Tyson’s retinas. 

He drove past a sign for Universal City, and then a building loomed large, the New York Film Academy building (that made no sense to Tyson, why would the New York film academy be here? In L.A.? It made no damn sense). This entire city was Hollywood, it ate the city up and swallowed it whole, chewed and then spit it back out. That’s what it did to people, at least the ones who came seeking something in the realm of fame, anyway. Everyone else in the city was stuck under its heel, suffering and poor. The rich elite and the hoods; night and day contrasts. He knew which part he belonged to, and would prefer it over anything fancy that this town had to offer because it was all a farce, all an illusion. Though he wouldn’t begrudge any of his friends chasing fame money and success. He had plenty of those, and he hoped they could navigate the labyrinths in this concrete maze better than many did. Better than his dad sure had.  

Forest Lawn Drive creeped up on him as buildings thinned out and disappeared, he was close now, he could feel it. Before long, there was a large white building beside a brick church, and he was here. He stopped at Information, gave the coordinates he was looking for and they directed him. Straight up that road and it was somewhere in the middle, coordinates marked. The knots got tighter now as the boom barrier lifted and he drove into the cemetery. Thoughts narrow, throat dry. He pulled up to the right space, or what he thought was the right space. A piece of trivia fell into his head, remembering that Lemmy was buried here too. Maybe he’d snap a photo for Emma, if he could find it, if he could even remember. He followed the numbers as he slowed his car, looking out at names, gravestones marked in the ground in even rows. He stopped the car at the assumed right spot, parked it by the curb and killed the engine.

Now the hard part. In his stomach sat a lead pretzel. His breaths dug deeper and he thought of a girl with fair hair to try and bring himself out of it. It sure would’ve been nice if she was here, maybe he’d even be cracking jokes right now. He tended to do that in her presence, even when he was peak anxious and scared; like when they were boarding that plane. But there’s no one here, just him and his multiple personalities, the angry ones and the sad ones this time mostly. It was quiet up here, and he saw someone walking amongst the graves, and a caretaker not too far from that person. The church stood behind him down the slight incline of the hill, and everything else fell flat, in neat green rows. He thought of another girl, one from many years ago. She knew his deal, knew how he would get on this day, he’d told her as much. And when that day came around one time, she surprised him with a trip. They drove out of town to some peak overlooking the city, she’d packed a picnic, and made sure they had a day of it. That had been real nice of her to do.

He couldn’t sit here and rehash memories endlessly to avoid what he came for though, and Tyson got out the car, grabbing his trusty tin and the bottle of whiskey he’d brought with. The lead pretzel undid itself and became a slithering snake. Walking amongst the rows, he looked at names, family lots. Looking out for the right one. None of them were the right one. Angela had sent directions, but they were haphazard and not exact. Some five minutes passed this way, Tyson beginning to wonder whether he was in the right section at all, passing name after name, some sounding famous, some not. Some with fancy words the grave, or markings, and flowers left by them. He passed one with a shitton of flowers; either a recent or old Hollywood star. He came down one side and down the next row, starting to wonder if he should give up here and move on to the section directly below this one, maybe it was there she’d meant — when it caught his eye, the gravestone in the corner of an enclave, sitting flush with the earth.

John Robert ‘Johnny’ Dobbs. Beloved husband and father.   8/15/1964 - 4/27/2001 And when the winds carry you home, Remember who it was that sang your song.

There were bunches of flowers shrivelled up beside the grave, two sets of them. His throat felt heavy, scratchy as he stopped and kneeled before it, wondering who’d left them. It was hard to swallow now, impossible.

There was nobody around, but even had there been, Tyson didn’t think he’d let that stop him from doing what he did. He tried talking quiet at first, but maybe Johnny couldn’t hear him that way. Who knows how this thing worked. He took a tentative seat on the ground and crossed his legs, sighing. Looking up and squinting to the sky that still had a sun up high in it, still far from sunset, nowhere near it. A sheen of sweat showed on his brow between the parts obscured by his backwards cap. He frowned, and spoke to some space between the grass and the corner of the memorial stone.

“Well… I made it. I’m here.” Now that he thought about it, he probably should have come on his birthday instead. Because this…this was fucking depressing. The 20th anniversary. Twenty years it had been since he died in that hotel room all alone, and not since the actual funeral had he ever thought to come here. “I know I don’t…come here at all…ever…but I just wanted you to know I think about you…think of how you are…don’t even know if I believe in that heaven or hell shit, who knows…”

He tore out strips of grass that were beside him, and arranged them in a little, methodical pile. “Maybe this reincarnation shit is real and you’re out there somewhere…maybe on another planet. That would be cool. You were too good for this one anyway.” Rip, rip, more pieces of green to join the little pile he was making. “I wanted to…wanted to, uh, say something, actually.” He sniffled, not sure when his nose had started running, but it had now.

“I’m sorry.” He couldn’t finish the rest out loud but he thought it. I’m sorry for ever being mad at you, for throwing tantrums, for being a shit son. I’m sorry for pushing you away when you would come back because I thought you had left us. I know it wasn’t like that now. It wasn’t like that at all.

The tears rolled freely now, another unexpected surprise from the day. “Wish I could…I wish I could find the…” he shook his head, over and over, anger mixing into the rest of the feelings churning inside him, so much frustration, rage. That things even turned out this way. Had it not been for that, his dad could have been here, alive. Disappointing Tyson in the flesh and Tyson in turn disappointing him, but alive at least. “Fuckin’... kill them all…every last one…” He’d do it, too, no one could stop him. Not even the thought of a life in prison. “I know why you were the way you were, is all I wanted to say. Shit, I’m like that too. Maybe it runs in our genes.” He looked up like he was talking to someone, like there was a physical body here receiving his words, looking back at him. “Wish I could listen to your stuff too, because it’s good stuff. But I can’t…sorry.” There were people out there though, who listened, and still loved him, and had not forgotten him. He remembered the messages from fans he would get. That counted for something, at least. Maybe they could all listen in his place, since he could not. He knew Angela didn’t listen to his stuff either, and there was something to be said about that. At least he wasn’t alone feeling like this. 

He picked up the bottle of bourbon he’d brought with him and twisted open the cap. Tipping it back, he took a big drink, quenching his thirst, feeling the burn as the liquor travelled down his system. Gasping for breath as he pulled back, he poured the rest over all the grass. Here, all for you, he thought, some dark amusement to that. Probably haven’t had a drink in a long ass time, huh? He stopped when he’d all but created a puddle of whiskey before him that was getting too large. One more sip stolen of his own, and he placed the bottle right side up next to his gravestone. “That’s for you.” Surprisingly, the knot was easing up, or maybe it was put on hold. Maybe this wasn’t too bad. Maybe he could do it again next year, or in the summer when it came time for Johnny’s birthday. Twice a year.

Tyson let out a long breath he had been seemingly holding in, cheeks puffing out, chest heaving. He started to feel sickish now, queasy. Maybe he needed a smoke. Yeah. His tin came out, the usual stash of two prerolls in it. He hesitated, then pulled the spare one out, placing it next to the whiskey bottle. “I know you never liked this shit dad, but give it a try yeah?” he said, like he was persuading Johnny to change his mind on Tyson’s drug of choice. At the same time, lighting the other one he’d brought with him.  “Don’t know what kinda shit you had back in the eighties, but this is good stuff. Promise.” God, he was going crazy, fully lost it out here, smoking a joint and talking to a gravestone. A fucking joke. But nah, it wasn’t him, it was the world that was a joke, and he was just fine.

He stayed some time longer, until he’d smoke down the joint to the end, the buzz it offered providing some sort of calm to his frayed nerves, definitely making everything better. In a weird twist of events he felt hesitant to leave now, but eventually he did, getting up, dusting himself off. Crossing eyes with a woman across the lot as he did, somewhere in a not-so-far off distance. He wondered if she was visiting someone, but her husband joined her, photo camera in hand and it became quickly apparent they were tourists. He felt some kind of bile about that, the temptation to cuss them out as he walked past high, but he resisted. 

Fucking tourists.

Back in his now-overheated sat-in-the-sun-too-long car, he rolled the window down all the way, and breathed a long, relieved exhale again. His head went to the steering wheel as he tried to collect himself, pick himself up from what just happened. He was in a state but coming out of it, slowly, gradually. That hadn’t been too bad. He forgot half the things he’d wanted to say, but maybe he would think of them again on the drive back, write them down somewhere and then say them when he was back here again. If there was anything he wished for after all, it would be more time with Johnny. And Angela. He’d make a point to go back to Texas if it meant driving for two days. Alone. It was the tradeoff for spending time with his family, what he had left of it anyway, because in the end, that’s all you had, wasn’t it? 

Talking himself through and down some weird freakout episode wasn’t easy, but gradually, in this hot ass car that wasn’t getting any cooler, he somehow cooled down himself. Then he pulled out his phone and dialled a number. 

[aquariuscurly94]

My Dragon Roommate

Chapter One: Let the New Life Begin

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot

Summary: All Lucy wanted was her own life which was why she moved to Magnolia to start at her dream college. What she didn't expect was that she'll have a random roomie who happens to be a freaking dragon! Turns out they exist! Lovely! What a great start at her own life! AU!

Rating: M

Pairing: NaLu(Natsu & Lucy)

Genre: Romance/ Fantasy

Lucy Heartfilia gripped the handle of her blue roller suitcase as she approached the receptionist desk, pulling back a strand of lose blonde hair as she stared at the elderly woman with graying hair typing away on her computer. Her heart ponded tightly in her chest and took the courage to clear her throat which caused the woman to look up at her with a eyebrow raised.

“Can I help you with something, dear?”

Lucy smiled kindly at the woman as she placed a fifty dollar bill on the counter. “One ticket to Magnolia please, ma’am.”

The silver haired receptionist hummed quietly as she checked the money with a special pen to make sure it wasn’t counterfeit before pressing a couple of buttons on the register that was next to her.

Lucy beamed when the receptionist handed her one train ticket to the city of her dreams. “Enjoy your trip, miss!”

Lucy chuckled at her as she placed the ticket inside her front pocket so she wouldn’t lose it. “Not a trip ma’am! I’m moving there!” She yelled as she ran towards the line of trains that were lined up at the railroad tracks.

She smiled widely as she approached her train and gladly handed her ticket to the conductor who had a hand out asking for her ticket and used a puncher to punch a hole in her ticket.

“Thank you,” she said as she stepped onto the train and glanced down at the aisles of seats. She managed to find a perfect spot near the middle next to the window and sat her suitcase next to her with a sigh in relief as she stared out the blurring trees as the train started to move. “I can’t believe I’m doing this.”

Lucy was highly nervous, so nervous about doing this. She wanted to get away for so long but it took a lot of planning and a lot of money that she had managed to hide from her father, Jude, who she believes that he’s pretty angry with her right now but currently she didn’t give a damn or a flying fuck what he was thinking as of this moment.

She just turned eighteen, she basically had her whole life planned by the time she was five years old. She was going to go to college for English and creating writing, be a famous author that has ever lived, get married to the most handsomest guy ever and lived happily ever after!

She wouldn’t be able to do any of those things if she had lived in that house any second longer, so she was very glad to be finally eighteen and couldn’t wait to start her life at Magnolia, home of Magnolia University, known for their best writing program of Fiore! She was so happy when she got her letter after working her ass off on her entrance essay.

However, before she can officially move there, she had to find an affordable apartment within her budget and she was glad to see she had found one from an ad online from Craigslist about a two bedroom and one bathroom apartment for $800 a month. She wasn’t sure why she decided on a two bedroom, but it was the cheapest one in all of Magnolia and the University was about a twenty minute walk which was perfect in her eyes!

Lucy rolled her eyes in annoyance when her phone started to vibrate in her pocket. She pulled it out without even glancing at it and ended the call and blocked the number, already knowing who it was and placed it back into her pocket without a second thought and leaned against the window with a smile on her face. “Let the new life begin.” She whispered.

Natsu Dragneel groaned in pain when he stepped inside the airport after getting off from his plane. He grab hold of his stomach and leaned against the nearby wall, praying to Mavis that it would stop hurting. Damnit, he hated having motion sickness. “Damn it all to hell.” He muttered, trying his best not to throw up his lunch that he had on the plane, highly regretted eating while on the flight but he was so hungry and couldn’t wait any longer.

If there was a way to get to Fiore from America without getting onto any type of vehicle or aircraft he would’ve done it. However, there wasn’t which was why he had to get on a freaking thirteen hour flight instead. It was pure torture to him.

He sighed in relief when his stomach finally settled down after a few minutes. He walked outside through the sliding doors of the airport and glanced up at the bright blue sky and then looked around at the hustle and bustle of Magnolia, his hometown. He sighed and grabbed the strap of his backpack tightly, his nose perking up at the familiar smells of his hometown, a place he hasn’t been since he was ten because his foster father Igneel moved them out to America for a better life for themselves.

Natsu sighed heavily as he began walking down the streets of Magnolia, his mind thinking about his foster father.

Igneel was working at odd jobs at the time, as well as raising a fiery breathing dragon whom he found wondering the streets alone one night with no where to go. He raised Natsu like he was his own even though he had never had a kid before. He taught Natsu everything he knew about being a dragon and as well on how to control his fire. Natsu was grateful that he shared the same element as him and was happy that he was a dragon too! He was highly thankful at everything he had taught him. Natsu always thought it was going to be just the two of them, like Batman and Robin!

However that all changed after a few months at being in America, Igneel met a lovely and spunky Grandeeney. Natsu was upset about it for a while because he assumed it would always just be the two of them. Turns out, after getting to know Grandeeney and learning that she was a dragon as well, he accepted her fully as well as her adoptive daughter Wendy Marvell who she had adopted a few months before she had met Igneel.

The four of them lived a blissed life. Until, a year ago, a car accident took Igneel’s life. Natsu balled up his fist by his side as he thought about it, chewing on his lower lip with his canine tooth until it started to bleed.

He used a hand to wipe a small drip of blood from his mouth and hoisted his backpack higher onto his shoulder as he continued walking down the street, his stomach growling for more food. “Fuck.” He muttered as he checked the time on his phone and smirked at himself. “I still got time.”

He hummed as his nose perked up at the smell of food near by and let it guide him to a burger joint that was located around the corner and sat down the first booth he had spotted as soon as he walked in.

He checked his phone for the millionth time to double check to make sure he has time to eat before his meeting with the landlord about his leasing contract on the apartment he had found through an online ad on Craigslist before arriving here. He wasn’t sure why the hell he needed a two bedroom one bathroom apartment but it was cheap and close by to the Magnolia University a school that Igneel wanted him to go to ever since his high school days and made sure that he had studied his ass off everyday.

Igneel wanted Natsu to make a name for himself, he wanted him to go college, get a good paying job, something he himself couldn’t do and he made sure to stay on Natsu’s ass each time he would slip up with the fights that would get into with other people who spoke ill about dragons.

“Can I take your order?”

Natsu looked up at the raven haired waitress who was standing across from him with a bright smile on her face, pen and notepad in each hand as she waited for him to place his order.

Natsu ran a hand through his pink spiky hair, not even bothering looking at the menu that was in front of him. “Get me four burgers, four fries and two shakes. Thanks.”

The waitress paused at her writing, confused. She cleared her throat. “Is there someone coming soon with you?”

Natsu rolled his eyes at her with a scoff. “No, I have high metabolism. My stomach can handle this.”

The waitress nodded as she resumed writing down his order. “Give us about forty minutes for your food, okay?”

Natsu nodded in response as he watched the waitress walk away.

Forty minutes later, his nose twitch as the smell of his food came towards him. As soon as the waitress sat it down in front of him, he dug in, not even taking a breath or taking a break because he was soon hungry from that thirteen hour flight.

He burped loudly after finishing, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand as he pushed the plate away, smirking. He’s back in Magnolia, his hometown that he hasn’t seen in years, he wonders what his childhood friends were up to, he wonders if anything had changed. So far, everything to him looks the same. He couldn’t wait for his new beginning. In fact, he’s all fired up just thinking about it. “Let the new life begin.”

A/N: I had this idea for a long while and now it’s time to write it out! I have so many ideas for this story it’s unreal! I hope you guys will like it!

This is just a sneak pick of my story! I’m going to post more of this on FF.net so be sure to follow my account CurlyBookWriter94 and leave a review! :)

Hope you guys are staying safe out there with anything going on :)

[habitatforhufflepuffs]

Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald Opinions

If it isn’t obvious already, spoilers for Crimes of Grindelwald ahead. Also I apologize for how longwinded this is. I just started typing and before I knew it, I had a novel. Bare with me. 

First off, I would just like to say that I absolutely loved the movie, like LOVED. I don’t think it’s possible for me to watch a movie that takes place in the wizarding world and not love it. 

That being said, I had a few issues, minor ones though. I’ve been seeing a lot of reviews floating around where people are complaining about the fact that the entire movie felt like a set up for another sequel, whereas the first one felt like an actual standalone movie, but like, of course it did??? The first one set up the universe this franchise is going to take place in so obviously it’s a full story. The second one is now setting up the overarching plot that’s going to take place over the next four movies so like obviously a lot of it is going to be exposition of characters and isn’t going to conclude the storyline seeing as each movie isn’t taking place one a year like the HP movies did. 

If I had one actual complaint, it would be that there was A LOT going on at once. Which like, I get it because there’s so many characters to introduce that are going to be important moving forward. It was just a lot of new characters introduced in a short period of time that needed backstories and explaining all at once. As well as, what, like four separate plots happening all at once that all merged together by the end of the movie? Which like yeah I get it, it was just a lot to follow. I did go on to read the screenplay of the movie that just came out, and it was a bit easier to follow than the actual movie, so I 10/10 would recommend reading that. Especially the scene where they’re in the Lestrange family mausoleum, and maybe it was just me but I found the screenplay a little easier to follow what was going on than the actual movie which is weird?? Maybe the movie will be easier second watch through. 

I wasn’t a huge fan of the whole Credence is Leta Lestrange’s long lost brother?? Just kidding no he’s not?? But wait who is he then?? scene because like it was a lot to follow all at once trying to understand who the shit was related and how. Especially considering you’ve got 3 siblings from 3 different sets of parents & then you find out there’s a fourth child that was switched with one of them??? Which again, read the screenplay, it’s easier to follow when you can read full names and go at a slower pace and everything. 

As for the plot twist/cliffhanger at the end, I’m very interested to see where that goes moving forward. I’ve seen many people that think Grindelwald was lying to Credence to gain his trust seeing as he was obviously lying in saying Dumbledore wanted him dead. But I don’t really think that’s the case. Solely because I can’t see them doing the whole “Credence is Leta Lestrange’s brother, psych,” thing only to then turn around and then go, “Credence is Albus Dumbledore’s brother, psych,” immediately following. It would just be kind of ridiculous to have Credence’s parentage revealed only for it to be a red herring twice. 

I’ve also seen a lot of people trying to explain how it wasn’t possible for Credence to be Dumbledore’s brother. I will also say now that after a minimal amount of googling, it 100% is possible, if he’s his half brother only. In this movie (as confirmed by the screenplay), Credence was born in 1901 and was being transported to America in this year. We know Dumbledore’s mother died in 1899, and was killed by Ariana, therefore he can’t be her son. But it’s unknown what year his father died in, just that it was after 1890 in Azkaban. Now, obviously it’s kind of a weird thought but it’s 100% possible that somehow Dumbledore’s father Percival sired another child after he was imprisoned in Azkaban via another woman and that that child is Credence. How Grindelwald knows about this, I have no idea. Especially considering that not much time passes between FB1 and FB2, and he was in custody at MACUSA between the two movies. As well as how Credence ended up in America and Leta ended up back in Britain I’m not exactly sure. But it is completely possible. 

That being said, a bunch of people have pointed out that how is it possible that Dumbledore had another brother that has somehow never been mentioned before now, even though HP takes place after FB obviously. If I had to guess, and it breaks my heart to say this, I’m assuming Credence doesn’t survive the FB franchise because if he died, and Aberforth didn’t know of his existence, then it would make sense why he’s never been mentioned. Dumbledore wasn’t exactly open about Ariana, so it would (plausibly) make sense that Credence was never mentioned. Kinda weird, but still plausible. 

One thing I’ve seen EXCESSIVE amounts of complaining about is the McGonagall cameo. Which like, yeah I get it, it breaks canon. But there’s TONS of people that aren’t aware of McGonagall’s backstory seeing as it wasn’t in the HP books, and even if it were, there was a HELL of a lot of information from the books that never made it to the movies (I’m looking at you, Peeves). So like, just let it go and leave it be??? If you’re gonna be nitpicky about canon you could also argue that they made James & Lily way older than they should’ve been in the movies & technically McGonagall would’ve been 46 the night that they died, but in the movies when she’s at the Dursley’s with Dumbledore she looks WAY older than that. So like, just think of the Pottermore information as part of the book universe and the FB movies as part of the movie universe??? 

Also there was a lot of people I saw that were pissed off that they didn’t make it clear enough that Dumbledore was gay, and that were mad that the story didn’t put enough focus on his feelings toward Grindelwald, which I’m sorry I have to call complete bullshit on. This is only the second instalment of a five movie series and Dumbledore & Grindelwald didn’t even share any scenes together. What did you want?? Dumbledore to cover himself in glitter and strip of his shirt to reveal a tattoo that says I love Gellert???? The Mirror of Erised scene alone couldn’t have made it any clearer that Dumbledore is gay and was in love with Grindelwald. The look of pain on his face alone every time he said he couldn’t make a move against Grindelwald made it VERY CLEAR that there were feelings involved. Also, “we were more than brothers.” What the fuck else could that have meant???? They took a goddamn blood oath that they wouldn’t fight each other. There’s still three movies to go in delving further into their relationship, obviously we’re not going to get the whole story in the second movie. So to all of the people saying it wasn’t clear enough, fuck off. 

As far as the movie as a whole, I LOVED IT. Even if it did have too many plot lines happening at once, I still absolutely loved it. The new characters they introduced were fantastic (I’m kind of in love with Theseus). The new creatures they introduced were FANTASTIC. (somebody buy me a kelpie, and also, BABY NIFFLERS!!!!!). Jude Law was an absolutely perfect Dumbledore. Even Johnny Depp as Grindelwald was super unsettling and did a great job. The opening sequence of Grindelwald breaking out of captivity with the Thestral carriage and the final sequence with Grindelwald’s blue magic against everyone else’s fire were phenomenal. And as much as some people didn’t like the ending, I personally love that Credence and Queenie ended up on Grindelwald’s side (and it makes complete sense why to me too) and I’m super excited to see where that goes from here on out. I loved that everyone lost someone in one way or another too. (Newt & Theseus lost Leta, and Jacob & Tina lost Queenie and Nagini lost Credence to Grindelwald) Everyone’s split on different sides and it definitely sets emotional stakes for everybody moving forward. 

I loved how merciless Grindelwald was too & how powerful they made him. Like he’s chained up in prison and being transported by like twelve aurors and still manages to escape??? finds a baby in the house he took over??? who gives a shit, kill the baby??? he’s goddamn fighting off like ten fully trained wizards at once in the final sequence of the movie BY HIMSELF and is winning until the IMMORTAL BEING that’s 500+ years old shows up, and we’re only in the second movie of five. The final battle sequence in HP was a conclusion of 8 movies & Voldemort’s struggling to fight against one seventeen year old wizard that never even finished school??? Grindelwald is badass as hell. (also, a villain that vapes projections of the future, what more could u want??)

Also, the nostalgia that hit me like a fucking truck when they first panned over Hogwarts and Hedwig’s theme kicked in???? Also young Newt??? Also Leta Lestrange is sick as hell, and I’m not convinced she’s dead yet. 

Basically I’m super into Theseus and Dumbledamn, and I need 2020 to come faster, right now. If anyone wants to scream with me, please shoot me an ask, I need someone to rant to. None of my friends share my excessive HP obsession. Also, I kind of want an entire movie of just Newt taking care of his creatures tbh. 

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk. 

[sunshineandstorm]

Hey Jude (Sam Kiszka x Reader - Fluff)

Here you were this morning, phone in hand, ignoring the rest of the world.

@gunpowdergelatin: So how's the weather there?

@ClinkFloyd: Gloomy. It's been raining non-stop since this morning.

@gunpowdergelatin: Really? Wow. It's literally the same here.

@ClinkFloyd: It's okay, though. Your presence makes up for it.

You couldn't help but grin like a mindless idiot as soon as you finished reading the last message he sent. You leaned against your locker, unsure of what to do with the butterflies in your stomach.

How were you supposed to respond to a message like that?

Too busy racking your brain for a decent reply, you were snapped out of your trance when your best friend clapped her hands loudly in front of you.

"Jesus, Grace. You startled me." you say, clutching your chest.

"Bitch, I had to. Why were you grinning so hard? Did Harry Styles finally top the reader in this smashing fic that you're reading?"

Bold of her to assume you were reading fan fiction. Whatever made you smile from ear to ear was undoubtedly so much better than the feels trip you occasionally take in the land of make believe.

"Shut up. I'm not you." you retorted, not wanting her to think you were still stuck in that phase.

Grace furrowed her eyebrows as she tried her hardest to guess the reason why you were beaming. You started walking the hallway to your room, her, following closely behind. The moment she kept up with your pace, she began pestering you with all the questions you answered unenthusiastically.

"I wasn't watching a rom-com either. Just forget it."

"No, I'm not gonna stop until you tell me what happened." she insisted, refusing to back down.

You groan as your walking came to a halt, turning to your stubborn best friend beside you. You contemplated telling her for a while, afraid that she'll think you're stupid for smiling because of a sweet message you received.

Well, it's not like you didn't have the right to. It's just that the person who sent it to you is someone you absolutely know nothing about. You know that he's your age, a classic rock fan just like you are, and that he loves music just as much as you do, but much to your chagrin, that's the bloody extent of it.

You have no idea what he looks like or where he's from. Hell, you don't even know his name. You mentally pat yourself on the back for not knowing basic information about this guy that you've been talking to for a month now, just telling yourself that neither of you bothers to inquire because of how good the conversations get as a sop. And even though you were deprived of his personal info, you did know his deepest and weirdest thoughts, making you feel closer to him in a way.

But if you say you're not a little interested about his personal life, then you'd be lying.

You averted your gaze from the ground to Grace, sighing as you decide to just give in and spill. It's not like she didn't already know everything about you anyway.

"Fine. It's Jude. He said something sweet. Are you happy now?" you shared, immediately regretting your decision as soon as more questions were raised.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. You're still talking to that guy?"

"So?"

Damn it.

You knew it. You knew you shouldn't have brought him up.

"So? Y/N, you hardly know this guy!"

"But he and I are just talking!"

"Okay, yeah, sure. But occasionally, you flirt with each other and maybe even sext. Bitch, how can I be sure you're not dating this guy through Twitter?"

Your eyes widen at her allegations. You were stunned, partly because she's accusing you of something she would do, but mostly because she's scolding you for it instead of supporting you.

Normally, Grace would tell you that you're too uptight or that you need to let loose and have fun, so having her nag you like she's doing at the moment greatly astounds you. You suppose she's just looking out for you like any best friend would, but she tends to be more impulsive than you, so she's really left you confounded right now.

"Chill, mom. We do nothing but talk about dead or old musicians. And personally, I don't see anything wrong with that." you said, defending yourself.

Grace sighed, admitting to herself that your reasoning made sense, but she still found the whole set-up ridiculous nonetheless.

"Okay, but didn't it ever occur to you that this dude's probably a two?"

You gave her a look of disbelief.

"How can you be so sure?"

"Dude, if he's a ten, then his icon would've been a picture of himself instead of Jim freakin' Morrison."

She has a point, but you were certain that yours is a far better one.

"Well, has it ever occured to you that maybe he wants to keep his personal life private? Stan accounts exist for a goddamn reason, Grace, and it's not so he can show the world how good-looking or unattractive he is."

True enough, fan accounts are dedicated to any phenomenon that floats your boat. Grace didn't have trouble understanding this. She just so happens to find the idea of you, conversing with a total stranger on a daily basis really dumb that she's not holding back from giving you a list of reasons why you shouldn't do so anymore.

"And it doesn't matter if he turns out to be an ugly guy. I'm not dating him, nor do I have any plans to." you added, hoping that she'd stop bombarding you with her arguments.

How concerned she is of your actions is making you feel like you're sinful, and as if you're making the biggest mistake of your life. You thought you've already made her understand your explanation and believe your statement, but you were wrong. She wouldn't let the issue slide, which is unlikely.

"You don't even know what his actual name is!" she said, completely disregarding what you've said prior to her comment.

Another thing that bugs you is that you had no choice but to refer to him as Jude since he has "Hey Jude" as his Twitter name. It's probably not the most practical decision you've ever made, but the lack of essential information sharing between the two of you has prompted you to resort to that solution.

"Oh, come on. As long as I'm not crossing the line, then I'm not doing anything wrong! Can we just drop it and talk about other stuff?"

"Fine." Grace huffed, accepting defeat.

"I was going to drop some bomb on you before things went haywire anyway." she informed you, not wanting to argue with you over this mysterious dude you call "Jude" anymore.

You inched closer to her, having forgotten about Jude for a second as you anticipated the juicy gossip she's about to tell you. You grabbed her arm and shook it, urging her to spare the details already.

"Are you going to tell me or not?"

"Chill, baby cakes. It's about Sam."

Samuel Francis Kiszka. That perfect assortment of chromosomes. Oh, how greatly you loved his long brown locks, his glowing skin, and his prepossessing smile. You've had a crush on that boy since forever, but you only ever talked when you needed to and he never really looked your way. Your interest in him dwindled the moment you interacted with Jude on Twitter, but it's not like you're a loss to him.

You, losing your feelings for him does not affect him in any way since he could care less about you. And besides, he always has a string of girls, pining after him wherever he chooses to go.

"Oh. What about him?"

Typically, you're all ears when literally anyone has anything Sam-related to say, but having Jude to talk to has really made you less interested in him.

If Grace noticed how indifferent you seemed after she mentioned Sam, she chose to ignore it.

"He already has a new girl. I wouldn't say they're dating, though, 'cause I overheard his conversation with Danny and learned that he and this chick are just talking as of now. But according to Sam, things are getting pretty serious." she said as a matter-of-factly.

"Oh. Good for him."

Now it's Grace's turn to give you a look of disbelief. She didn't expect you would react this way. This is the first time she's seen you so nonchalant about Sam. She tried to appear as unsurprised as possible, but her facial expression betrayed her, finding it hard to close her mouth that's currently agape. Never in her wildest dreams did she think you wouldn't be bothered by the idea of Sam, dating someone else that's not you.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"What?" you asked, blinking, confused by her question.

"The last time you found out Sam has a girlfriend, you bawled your eyes out. And now you're out here, unaffected, and saying shit like, 'good for him'? What kind of supernatural being possessed you?"

You chuckled. You tried to give her an answer, but you couldn't find any. You truly didn't know what happened. It could be the fact that you ran out of feelings for Sam because your relationship with him never really progressed after all these years. On the other hand, it could be the fact that you met Jude and grew awfully close to him.

"I don't know. I think it's just that... I found another person to give my attention to."

Grace scoffed, looking pretty disgusted by your response.

"Please don't tell me you're referring to this son of a bitch named Jude."

"Sorry to burst your bubble, but yes." you said, dragging her inside your classroom.

"Seriously, Y/N. Eww."

"I don't care what you think, G."

Settling into your seat, you were alarmed upon realizing that you didn't reply to Jude's last message. You quickly fished your phone out of your pocket to send him a message, not wanting him to think he made things weird. The two of you continued to message each other until your physics teacher entered your classroom. It's funny how you didn't only have the gloomy weather in common for both your annoyingly punctual teachers arrived at the same time.

Your mind temporarily shut out thoughts of him as you tried your best to answer this headache of a quiz that was given to you.

- - -

"You guys are still talking?" Grace asked, exasperated, swallowing the food she was chewing.

"We are."

"Grace, seriously. We're just talking. You're worried for nothing." you tried, convincing your best friend to stop giving you dirty looks.

"Fine. What are you guys talking about right now?"

You smiled even though she just rolled her eyes at you, knowing that she wouldn't be able to resist you, no matter how insane she thought you were being.

"He just asked me what my favorite John Denver song is."

"The Music Is You? Sounds cheesy." Grace said after peeking at your conversation with Jude in your phone.

"Trust me, G. Every guy you've dated is way cheesier."

Grace was just about to say something snarky when Sam had an outburst. You and Grace exchanged looks before diverting your attention to Sam and his friends. Thank God you can hear them perfectly from your lunch table.

"Oh, what is it now?" Danny asked, just as annoyed as Grace was a minute ago.

"Her favorite John Denver song is The Music Is You!" Sam answered, grinning like a Cheshire cat.

Oh.

My.

God.

Fuck.

Both you and Grace's eyes shot wide open, Sam's words leaving the both of you dumbfounded. Is this really happening? You were too shocked to tell.

You couldn't move. You lost the capability to speak. Your brain won't even form sentences, let alone words right now as it refused to process what your ears had heard. Suddenly, all that you felt was this abnormal pounding sensation in your chest.

If you thought Sam Kiszka couldn't make you weak anymore, you've never been so wrong.

- - -

A/N: PART TWO.

[imagitory]

Hi, how are you? Have you watched the new fantastics beasts?What did you think about the movie?

*exhales slowly* Just got back from seeing it with my mumand friend (who are also big Potterheads), and…well, we came out of the theaterkind of disappointed. For those of you who wish to avoid spoilers, I’ll just say thatI was not happy with some of the choices J.K. made in regards tocharacterization for the central cast and with the film’s odd focus on Eastereggs to the original books or (possibly) the future sequels at the expense ofmaking sure the twists and characters introduced fit in with the establishedHarry Potter universe and even were necessary to begin with. The visuals andmusic were as always impressive, and Newt and his creatures were just aswonderful as in the first Fantastic Beasts movie, but like The Nutcrackerand the Four Realms I’m afraid the script is where most of this film’sproblems lie.

For those who don’t fear spoilers…read on!

The Good!

+Newt. He is honestly such a ray of sunshine and I so enjoyhim as our main character. Most of the laughs I got from this movie werebecause of him, and he was just as lovable and charming as ever. Eddie Redmayne embodies the character in every single shot he’s in: if everyone else is giving 100%, he’s giving 120%.

+The Fantastic Beasts, both old and new! The creatures wereunique and creative and I enjoyed every scene where Newt interacted with them.He even got to use them in cool, new ways, like using them to help himtrack down Tina, bust him, Leda, and Tina out of the French Ministry, and evenpickpocket Gellert Grindelwald at the end! It showcased Newt and his love of“simple things” as a truly formidable threat to evil, without sacrificing hisgentle, nurturing nature.

+The visuals, both costume-wise and scenery-wise, wereawesome. Costumer Colleen Atwood as always is on point, and the scene whereGrindelwald “calls” his followers with those wispy curtain things coming out ofnowhere to blanket Paris was very eerie.

+Leda Lestrange was a very interesting character! I’llhave to talk about her again in the less positive section, but honestly, shewas my favorite character in this movie. She’s a Slytherin with a dark past, amessed-up family, and a troubled soul, and yet she’s thoroughly a good guy:even when Grindelwald tries to corrupt her, she doesn’t bend and insteadfights him. Plus she was best friends with Hufflepuff Newt Scamander!Huff/Slyth friendship forever, people.

+I like Theseus and Newt’s relationship! I think Theseusbeing a very orderly, law-abiding Ravenclaw type makes for a great contrastwith Newt’s softer, rougher Hufflepuff nature.

+The cameo for Nicholas Flamel wasn’t necessary at all, but Ilike the concept for the character. Would love to see him kick some more ass inone of the sequels!

+Jude Law as Dumbledore. Honestly, I don’t think theycould’ve cast anyone better. He had all of the class, all of the gravitas, andall of the dodgy-ness appropriate to the character. Seriously, when he wasmessing around with Newt at the beginning I turned to my mum and friendand said, “Cheeky bastard.”

+As much as I still wouldn’t have cast Johnny Depp to playGrindelwald (I’m sorry, I would really have preferred aBulgarian/German/whatever else actor: the guy went to Durmstrang,for crying out loud), he really did pretty damn well. My personal fancast forGrindelwald will probably always be Michael Fassbender, and I may have writtenthe character a little differently myself, but the whole rally scene was excellentlystaged and Grindelwald’s manipulation of the Aurors felt very appropriate tothe character set up in the books.

+Really, all of the actors were good choices and theyperformed the material well. The material itself, that’s another matter, buteveryone gave it their all.

The Not-So-Good…

+*breathes in and out…in…and out…in…*

WHAT THE EVER-LOVING FUCK DID YOU DO TO QUEENIE?!

No, I’m sorry, I will get to other bullet points, but thisreally, really made me angry. Queenie was hands-down my favoritecharacter in the first Fantastic Beasts movie – she was a Leglimens,something we’d only ever seen from Dark wizards previously, and she had aflirtatious streak, but she was indisputably a good person with a gentle heart,a romantic spirit, and a sharp brain. She may have looked like a ditz (andpeople mistook her for that, to their detriment), but she was anything but:this is someone who was able to use her wiles to cheat her way into the MACUSAto bust her sister, Newt, and love interest Jacob out of Auror captivity. Shewas never an easily led person, and she was never the sort who would tryto manipulate someone she cared about with A LOVE SPELL and get swayed intojoining a man who advocates the superiority of wizard kind OVER THE OBJECTIONSOF THE MAN SHE LOVES, WHO HAPPENS TO NOT BE A WIZARD. Queenie is a strong, yetfeminine character who, despite her fragile appearance, showed nothing butstrength, smarts, and devotion to the ones she loved. To turn her into a pawnof Grindelwald is nothing short of character assassination in my eyes.

+Way too many things happened in “post-hawk”explanation while having  far-reaching consequences in this film. Queenie and Jacobgot back together and Queenie became so desperate to marry him that she forsome reason decided to enchant him. Queenie and Tina are now not on speakingterms because Tina got mad that Queenie started dating Jacob, even though hebecame Tina’s friend too in the first movie. Tina suddenly is mad at Newtbecause of a misunderstanding, so their relationship is back to square one andthey’re not working well with each other like the first movie. Newt’s old loveinterest Leda Lestrange is marrying Newt’s brother Theseus even though sheclearly still has feelings for Newt. Because we are told all of thisinformation rather than seeing it seamlessly integrated into the storyline, wethe audience have less of an idea how to feel about it and, if the actions seemout of character, we don’t understand how the characters got to the point wherethey’d behave that way. There’s a reason a lot of tacked-on sequels are writtenlike this – the filmmakers didn’t expect to have to write more of the plotline,so it’s often a symptom of them trying to insert more artificial conflict intoa previously “happy ending” storyline. But we know that can’t be the case here, as these sequels were planned! And seriously, there are ways to add new conflictswhile keeping your characterizations from the previous installment intact –just look at the original Harry Potter books. We never had a book wheresuddenly Hermione was drugging Ron with love potion or Harry was suddenlydating Parvati so that he wouldn’t think about Ginny. Even introducing theseconflicts after the status quo was established would have made them easier toswallow.

+Credence should have died. I’m sorry, but the charactershould have died at the end of Fantastic Beasts. Not only was his deathsuch a fitting ending for that story and reversing it (again, post-hawk with noexplanation about how he survived) takes both that emotional gut-punch and thedanger that irreversible character death can provide away, but I also justdidn’t care for the whole “chosen one” prophecy thing they tried to tack ontoCredence. I mean, how many chosen ones does the Wizarding Worldhave? The entire plotline with Credence just got way convoluted, and the twistat the end – really? A Dumbledore? I mean, I’d guessed hemight not really be a Lestrange, but…if Albus was really his brother,why the hell was Credence on that boat? We know that Albus, Aberforth, andAriana were basically stuck in Godric’s Hollow with their parents for most oftheir lives, particularly after those Muggle boys hurt Ariana. But according tothis movie, Credence was a magical child being sent away from Europe by hisfamily who just happened to be swapped with yet another magical childwho was also being sent away from Europe by his family on the samefriggin’ boat. What are the odds? Even if the filmmakers wanted to play it asGrindelwald tricking Credence, lying to him about his ancestry so Credencewould want revenge against Dumbledore and try to kill him, that would’ve beenbetter, but they put bloody Fawkes in there. Just…what?

+On that note, what was the point of putting in somany worthless references to the original books? Fawkes as the pet ofGrindelwald’s new protégé? Professor McGonagall at Hogwarts even though there’sno way she could’ve been teaching at that time? Nagini, who honestly was themost ineffectual, throwaway character I think I’ve ever seen in any HarryPotter movie? She did basically nothing in this entire movie. We get verylittle focus on her and Credence’s friendship (romance? I dunno, there wasn’texactly time for any chemistry), so we don’t feel much of anything for it, and all shereally does is follow him around most of the time. She doesn’t protect himor give him advice to speak of, except at the end where she tries to convincehim not to join Grindelwald, which because it’s the only point we’ve seenher interacting with him on an emotional level doesn’t have any impact. Therewere also minor references in the Ministry characters, with one being namedTravers (whose family would later contain a Death Eater), but really, they allkind of blurred together for me, with none really leaving any impact except forTheseus. Any of them could have been cut without losing anything.

+There was so much going on at all times that there waslittle focus on the most important relationships: Newt and Theseus, Newt andLeda, Theseus and Leda, Newt and Tina (which frankly got so insufferable atpoints, it felt like a bad rom-com), Queenie and Jacob, Jacob and Newt, Tinaand Queenie, and Grindelwald and Dumbledore. Nagini and Credence’s relationship was almost anafterthought, given that they have almost no scenes showing any kind of bond, that it and they may as well have been cut altogether. Therewere moments that did work with most of the main relationships, but theycould’ve been so much stronger if the filmmakers hadn’t added in all these extra charactersand plot lines that weren’t needed, like Leda’s older half-brother bent onrevenge with that weird parasite in his eye. (What did that add??)

+I said Leda was my favorite character in this movie, andthat was true. What makes me mad, though, is that after building up such awonderful, interesting character that has such potential for growth anddevelopment, J.K. killed her off after we only just started getting to know her.Now all we’ll ever see of her relationships with Newt and Theseus (which, as Ipointed out earlier, have only really been shown post-hawk or in flashbacks)are the short scenes inter-spliced between everything else going on in thismovie. We barely even see any of Theseus and Leda’s romantic relationship, eventhough they’re getting married, and half the time we spend with Leda we’re seeing howmuch she still truly cares for Newt, which is messed up when she’s marrying hisbrother, as it almost feels like a substitute AND we’re given no reason for whyLeda and Newt broke up. This all could’ve been explored in future movies ifLeda stuck around, maybe showing Newt and Leda developing more of a friendship-likerapport and Leda and Tina becoming friends and Theseus and Leda having thechance to be adorable, but with Leda’s heroic sacrifice, all of that potentialis gone. Plus I’m a bit irritated that we get such great representation forSlytherin house (and a female POC, to boot!) that then of course has to getkilled off. Thanks a lot.

+There were some really weird mistakes regarding existing canon. I already mentioned McGonagall, who couldn’t have been teaching in the 1920′s without being an old granny in Harry’s years, but the film also makes the mistake of making Dumbledore the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher (rather than Transfiguration), showing a Lestrange family tree ending with Leda and her dead brother even though we know there are future Lestranges (Rabastian and Rodulphus),and forgetting the Leglimency is something you study, not an inbred ability that has the potential to incapacitate a person.

I think this is the first time I’ve ever been so frustratedwith a Harry Potter film in my life. I was angry about Prisoner of Azkaban dueto its haphazard explanation of important plot points and its lack of regardfor continuity, and I was disappointed by Half-Blood Prince’s boring,romance-focused adaptation, but this movie really got me hot under the collar,because there was so much here that was so good, and yet all of the problemscame from Harry Potter’s very creator, J.K. Rowling, and the script shedeveloped. Just about everything outside the script was a home run. And the scriptitself wasn’t without some great ideas and scenes, too – it was just thenot-so-good ideas and scenes that really ran the finished product into the ground for me. I’ll enjoy what I can out of this, but considering that it ignored book canonso thoroughly, put more focus on cameos and plot twists than on organic,engaging relationships, and killed two of my favorite characters in the entirestoryline – one figuratively and the other literally – I’m going to have to goin with much, much lower expectations for any sequel that might be released.

Overall Grade: C-

[mymoonjin1]

My thoughts on Crimes of Grindelwald

I know there are loads of comments on this already but I too need to rant for a while. I’ll try to finish this off with some constructive criticism, though. (I’d like to add that it’s perfectly fine if you did enjoy this film, this is just MY opinion.)

I don’t even know where to start. Listen, I am a huge Harry Potter fan, always have been, even considering a tattoo. And I actually really liked the first Fantastic Beasts movie. It had its flaws, but overall it was a good story. But most importantly: the movie can stand on itself. It has its own plot. Newt arrives in New York and accidentally lets loose a few magical creatures. The goal: finding the creatures whilst figuring out who is causing the muggle attacks. Simple, fun. They mention Hogwarts and Dumbledore, stuff we’re familiar with, but not overly so. It’s done cleverly. Now. Cut to Crimes of Grindelwald. Oh, boy. From uncomfortable close-ups to just plain weird editing this film is a goddam mess, not to mention the nonsensical storylines. No matter how effing cute nifflers are. Let’s break it into themes. 

Grindelwald

The movie ended and I still had no idea what Grindelwald’s crimes were. He “escapes” (He had already switched places with Abernathy, so why was that whole scene even there? A dark, evil wizard like him surely would just call Abernathy's sacrifice necessary for the cause or whatever), his French sidekick kills a family in order to keep their house and then he gives a speech. That’s it. What were his crimes?! He’s already a “notorious" dark wizard, what has he done besides spreading the word? Also, what is his actual ideology here? I’m sorry but that speech was a bit lame and again, confusing. Is he opposed to World War II or is he gonna take advantage of it? Kill all muggles or only those responsible for the war? But most importantly, we see Grindelwald for like ten minutes during the whole movie, why is his name even on the freaking title? I liked when he held his wand like he was directing an orchestra whilst killing everyone with the blue fire. That’s pretty much it.  Also, I’m not getting into Johnny Depp’s controversy cause that’s a whole other issue, but I think it reflected on his performance, like he was being too cautious, or something, at least that was my perception. I mean, whatever the circumstances, you’re already playing the role, then play the goddam role. 

Queenie

*Sigh* I honestly do not understand how they managed to turn a sweet and caring character into this whiny and annoying person, doing things so out of character. The love potion crap. Are you freaking kidding me?! Why was this necessary? Never mind about Jacob’s consent when I can just roofie him, kidnap him and force him to marry me! I’m the victim here, I just want to marry the one I love! Just… whyyyy? Also, she’s a freaking mind reader. How could a mind reader get brainwashed into joining a dark wizard? Because he preaches... free love? Ummm, does he?! Also, why did she freak out on the street? It was never mentioned before that her mind could get overwhelmed in crowds. It would make sense, but it was so out of nowhere it came out weird, and that scene just takes too damn long. Then the movie forgets about her for like twenty minutes to suddenly show her at the French witch’s house, like sure, I’ll go for a cup of tea with a total stranger, why not? Ugh. 

Dumbledore 

Ok, I actually liked Jude Law’s performance. The issue is that he, just like Grindelwald, is barely in the movie. We already knew that their relationship wasn’t going to be explored in this film, but it was still disappointing. We only got a “we were closer than brothers” and some hand-holding seen through the Mirror of Erised, WHICH APPARENTLY CAN NOW SHOW MEMORIES TOO, BUT OKAY. And please explain to me how is a blood pact different from an Unbreakable Vow? I get the aesthetic but surely an Unbreakable Vow is more convenient since it can’t be undone. Dumbledore suggested at the end of the movie that he might be able to destroy the blood pact. Wouldn’t have Grindelwald made sure to not leave anything to chance? Also, when did they make this blood pact, before the duel that killed Ariana? Why were they able to duel then? It can’t have been after, they wouldn’t have been exactly on speaking terms after that. That blood pact storyline took away the complexity of Dumbledore’s motives about not wanting to go after Grindelwald. Why wasn’t it enough that he once loved him and couldn’t bear to confront him after all that happened between them? That was a perfectly good explanation. This whole thing completely downplayed their relationship, like “yeah, now I just need to figure out how to destroy this necklace and I’ll be free to duel and possibly kill him, yay!” *Sighs*

Leta and Yusuf

What was the real purpose for these characters? We were lead to believe that the Lestrange family history was going to have this awesome revelation/plot twist and it ended up going nowhere. Also, the (insufferably long) scene where they finally explain the whole thing was so overcomplicated and confusing AF. For some reason, Leta’s dad (a rapist) sent her and her half-brother to the US, but since the baby wouldn’t shut up Leta switched him with another baby who happened to look exactly like him, and that baby was Creedence. Uh…okay? But then Leta returned to the UK and studied at Hogwarts? Sooo was that meant to be only a cool summer abroad? And how did she know about her half-brother Yusuf? How did they meet? Who made that freaking prophecy? Yusuf made that unbreakable vow with… whom, exactly? Himself? Arrgggg. Yusuf seemed to be an important character, I mean he locks Tina and Newt in a dungeon (they escape immediately but ok), but no. He spends almost the entirety of the movie unconscious only to appear conveniently at the cemetery to reveal he’s Leta’s half-brother. Just. Why ANY OF IT if later on we’d find out Creedence isn't even a Lestrange? GOD. 

So, back to Leta. She switched the babies (in the Titanic?) and also befriended Newt at Hogwarts. What was her relevance in the present? Why wasn’t the whole "ending up marrying his brother" explained? That’s a flashback that would’ve been useful, unlike the other ones. It could’ve added so much more to the relationship between the three of them, specially Theseus and Newt. But it was never mentioned. Also, why was she hated by everyone at school? Were all the Lestrange hated or was it only her? And THEN, FFS what was she even trying to attempt when she approached Grindelwald? Was she like tempted into joining him but regretted her decision last minute and tried to kill him instead? WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT ALL ABOUT? I liked the part when she said “I love you” and you’re not quite sure if she meant Newt or his brother. That was interesting. Would’ve been even more interesting had it been developed properly. But the rest of it? What a mess.

Newt, Tina, and Jacob

I actually adore Newt as a character. He’s a refreshing male lead who’s unapologetically himself throughout the story. I read a Vox article that called him amazingly neurodivergent, and in an interview, Redmayne also said he thought of him as having Asperger's. What an extraordinary thing to see in a male lead in a multimillion-dollar franchise! He’s awesome and doesn’t need to change the way he is in order to be cool. And yet in this film, he’s sooo relegated. He could’ve done SO much more, instead, he’s just lost in the sea of subplots with no real purpose. As for Tina, she has absolutely no character development whatsoever and Jacob is just there for comic relief. Also, how did he get his memories back? I’m sorry, but “the potion only took away the bad memories” is lazy writing. They are great characters but did absolutely nothing in this movie. Totally underappreciated. 

Nagini and Creedence

I don’t get why they made such a fuss over this since she has like THREE lines in the entire movie?! Seriously, why was she even there? She brought absolutely NOTHING to the plot. She just stands there next to Creedence when she could’ve been a super badass character. I’m not getting into the whole controversy, but I mean, if it was already happening, she should’ve at least had a kickass introduction. A backstory. ANYTHING. Why is a woman turning into a snake a circus attraction when anyone in this universe can become an animagus with enough practice? She was sooo mistreated here as a character. I get that there’s gonna be three more movies but COME ON, you can’t just make a huge ass preamble to another film without ANY sort of character development. It needs to have a plot of its own too. Like each of the Harry Potter books/movies. GEEZ. Now, Creedence. How did he survive? We saw a little remnant of the obscurus at the end of the first film, but hey, a little more context would’ve been nice. I thought the host and the obscurus were different things. Care to explain?! Also, how did he end up in Europe working at a magic circus? That circus thing could’ve been a very interesting plot but it goes nowhere. Again. And then... the ending. I hope the theory going around that it’s actually Ariana’s obscurus that somehow got attached to him and not actually him that’s a Dumbledore (and that’s what the phoenix was attracted to) is real because otherwise IT DOESN’T MAKE ANY SENSE. Kendra Dumbledore died in 1899. Crimes takes place in 1927. That’s 28 years. I HIGHLY doubt Creedence is 28. Why would he still be living at an orphanage at 28 then? Or did Dumbledore’s dad knock someone up in Azkaban? Just. So. Many. Plot. Holes.

Nonsensical stuff

-The lady guarding Leta’s chamber. What. The. Fork?! She lets them through even though she clearly knew Tina wasn’t Leta, and only after they’re already inside she unleashes those weird cat things with Leta being there, the actual owner of the chamber who clearly doesn’t have a problem with the “intruders”. Just… WHY? 

-Jacob being able to go through the statue. Ummmm?! 

-McGonagall. SHE WAS BORN IN 1935! WHAT?!

-Also, I get the whole 1920’s vibe and I mean no disrespect towards Colleen Atwood, because the costumes are actually gorgeous, but like… no robes? NONE? You can’t tell muggles and wizards apart. That was a key aspect of Harry Potter, at least with the older generations, so you’d think in the 1920’s they’d be even more traditional with their wizard clothing. I mean, Lupin wore both suits AND robes. Just saying. 

-Out of hundreds of people at the cemetery, the niffler somehow knew precisely what item to steal and from whom. Ok???? 

-Nicholas Flamel. What was the point of him? All he did was talk with a random woman through a book and then conveniently appear at the end to tell everyone what to do to control the fire. I mean, cool, but care to elaborate?

-And that blue fire eagle thing. It’s a very, very long sequence that could have been way quicker. It was time wasted on CGI, time they could’ve spent more wisely elsewhere. 

-Another thing that has been rubbing me the wrong way is the mention of Creedence’s nanny being half-elf. I know it’s probably stupid for me to be weird about it but listen. This is a universe with house elves and goblins, and that’s totally fine, I like the part they play in the story. But then we also have Professor Flitwick, who’s never mentioned to be either of those things; he’s just little. That’s it. And he’s a total badass. So why did the nanny had to be half-elf? I remember an interview with Peter Dinklage in which he said he didn’t like playing roles that cast little people as magical beings, which is why he loved Tyrion in Game of Thrones. Then why couldn’t the nanny just be a regular witch? Why half-elf? How did that come about? Think about it: a human witch/wizard… with a house elf? Which are, essentially… slaves?! I don’t even want to know. And I’m probably overthinking it, but seriously. It wasn’t a necessary detail to mention. 

The Fanservice 

Ok, I get that they’d include certain Potter related stuff. Nostalgia is fun, right? AS LONG AS IT MAKES SENSE. McGonagall being there makes no sense. RESPECT. CANON. PLEASE. I get retconning stuff like classes taking place on different floors at Hogwarts but dude. This was kind of an important detail. The Philosopher’s Stone casually being shown at Flamel’s house. I mean, fine. But we get it, we know who he is, it’s not like we are idiots who need reminding of this. Also, the music. I adore Hedwig’s Theme, but this is a different story. I get like a few notes here and there, but the WHOLE damn theme during that Hogwarts shot? It actually kind of threw me off a little. I couldn’t pay attention to what was actually happening. 

Conclusion 

Ok. I honestly don’t understand what went wrong. I don’t know if Rowling should just stick to writing novels or if it was the editing, the directing or-or… I just can’t even. JK Rowling is amazing at writing mystery. In all of the Harry Potter books, there were mysteries to be solved: who’s after the Philosopher’s Stone? Who opened the Chamber of Secrets? Why is Sirius Black after Harry? Who put his name in the Goblet of Fire? And so on. And in the first FB movie, the mystery was who was responsible for the attacks, and it made you believe it was Creedence’s little sister. That was still a good plot twist. Please, do tell, what was solved in Crimes? What did they actually accomplish? They spent the whole movie going in circles. Like I said, you can’t just have a huge ass preamble to a different movie. It needs to stand on its own, have its own arc. Otherwise, what’s the point? I genuinely wanted to like this film, but its narrativity makes it impossible to enjoy the actual plot, even with likable characters and appealing visuals.

Listen, I will forever be grateful to JK Rowling for the impact Harry Potter has had in my life. They are to this day my favorite books. I loved the original book for Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, as well as Quidditch Through the Ages and Tales of Beedle the Bard. They added fun details to the main story, a little peek into the Wizarding World. But then the whole expansion happened. And I used to get mildly excited whenever a new story was published on Pottermore. But eventually, I lost interest. And whenever someone said “I wish there was another book” I immediately cringed at the thought. Why ruin something that had ended in such a perfect way? The Harry Potter world ended with the seventh book. And that was ok. You need to let things go. That’s life. But then for money some reason, Cursed Child (aka That Which Must Not Be Named) was allowed to happen. And then, Fantastic Beasts happened, but it was a whole different story with brand new characters within the same universe, actually written by JK Rowling. Well, that actually sounded promising. Because it was a separate thing. A few references here and there. What could go wrong? Right. 

There are millions of reasons why the expansion hasn’t been working, but I think part of the problem came from social media. When we were kids we’d send letters to our favorite authors, but now they are just a tweet away. Which can obviously be wonderful. But you have to know where to stop. And I don’t think JK understands that. And I don’t mean it like she’s not allowed to have her own opinions and versions of certain things that didn’t come up in the books; she created the universe. But altering canon isn’t right. Forcing narratives that don’t make sense with what’s already established is weird. That’s why it’s important to leave things to the imagination/each reader’s interpretation. You want to write a different story within the same universe, that’s amazing, go ahead! As long as it’s properly developed and has its own merits. I genuinely want to like FB. And I did. But I don’t know what went wrong with this one. You’re capable of SO much more, Jo, I know you are. Sorry if I’m being too harsh. 

[ariadnedionysia]

fandom meme : hit me up !

I was tagged by @flintvane​ and am genuinely embarrassed that i didn’t see this before now omg i’m so sorry babe

I’m tagging @sherlock-and-other-things​ , @girlwhowasntthere​ , @deinonychus-1​ , @frodobagginsess​ , and @sherlokiofpigfarts​ ! and anyone else who would like to do this meme!!

putting it under the read more bc it’s hilariously long sO

1.  YOUR CURRENT OTP(S)/OT3(S)/OTX(S)

oh gosh i have a bunch so i’m going to try and limit myself but pythacarus ( always ), gwen / leon and gwaine / percival from merlin, foggy / matt from daredevil ( i don’t watch daredevil anymore but i just watched the defenders so they’re on my mind ), jane / michael from jane the virgin, tom / sybil from downton abbey will always be a fave, dean / seamus, lavender / parvati, harry / ginny, and remus / sirius from the harry potter series, and then caleb / ben and robert / abe from TURN are my final two

2.  A PAIRING YOU INITIALLY DIDN’T CONSIDER BUT SOMEONE CHANGED YOUR MIND (BONUS POINTS: WHO WAS THAT PERSON).

i’d never considered korinna / heptarian until @girlwhowasntthere​ mentioned them and now i actually really love the ship i’d never thought about it before

3. A PAIRING YOU USED TO LOVE, BUT IT ALL FELL APART FOR YOU.

oh god. um. you know i used to watch reign and i was a really big fan of mary and francis, whom i still love don’t get me wrong, but they took mary on a really uncomfortable plotline for me in i think the second season that was unnecessary and clearly purely for //drama// and i just couldn’t quite get over them doing that and what it did to the ship it just made me uncomfortable with them and with watching the show altogether

4.  HAVE YOU ADDED ANYTHING CRACKY/HILARIOUS TO YOUR FANDOM, IF SO, WHAT.

i don’t know if this counts but i did the emily watches atlantis series? i don’t know if that counts but i think they’re funny so i’m putting it on the list?

5.  WHAT’S THE LONGEST YOU’VE EVER BEEN IN A FANDOM

harry potter. i’m super proud to be a part of that fandom and i’ve been in it since the first book came out so that’s definitely the fandom i’ve been in the longest.

6.  DO YOU REMEMBER YOUR FIRST OTP, IF SO WHO WAS IN IT.

i’m trying to think and it might’ve been richard / kahlan from legend of the seeker ( the show, not the books, i never actually read the books oops ), though i’m not sure. 

7.  NAME A FANDOM YOU DIDN’T CARE/THINK ABOUT UNTIL YOU SAW IT ALL OVER TUMBLR.

copying @flintvane​ ‘s answer and saying black sails !

8.  SAY SOMETHING GENUINELY NICE ABOUT A CHARACTER WHO ISN’T ONE OF YOUR FAVES (CHARS YOU’RE NEUTRAL ON ARE FAIR GAME, AS ARE CHARS YOU DISLIKE)

oh god. there are a bunch i have things to say about and i can’t decide bUT i’m gonna go with petra from jane the virgin. i used to really hate her at the beginning of the series, i thought she was horrible and i just couldn’t stand her, but as the series has continued she’s really become this amazing and realistically flawed woman that i just want to see happy. i wouldn’t say she’s my fave, but i do want to see her happy. 

9.  NAME THREE THINGS YOU WISH YOU SAW MORE OR IN YOUR MAIN FANDOM (OR A FANDOM OF CHOICE)

i’m gonna say atlantis for this one sO

1. another season. i mean come on, guys. come on.

2. more pythacarus, we just got the one kiss ( which was amazing a+++ ) but that was pretty much it, i know they’re not the main focus of the show, but i do love them dearly and would’ve loved to have seen more

3. where the hell are the rest of the argonauts and why did jason not go back for them i need that reunion like. two years ago. pls.

10.  CHOOSE A SONG AT RANDOM, WHICH SHIP OR CHARACTER DOES IT REMIND YOU OF

i just put my itunes on shuffle and “oceans” by seafret was the first song to come on, and it reminds me of ariadne / jason

11.  A PAIRING YOU SHIP THAT YOU DON’T THINK ANYONE ELSE SHIPS

gwen / leon from merlin. i know merthur is the Big Ship of merlin, i don’t really see many other ships there except that one. but i think a lot about gwen being pretty much abandoned by everyone she loves / loved after arthur dies, since gwaine and arthur and elyan and morgana are all dead and merlin just decided to peace tf out, but the last shot we have of her is with leon and her being a queen on her own and bringing peace to albion, etc etc, and i just think. i mean. they said they were childhood friends somewhere back in i think season two, and they were really the two people besides gaius that knew arthur the longest, and i just think that after arthur died, they would’ve been each other’s main supports, and eventually, they could’ve ended up together. this is unnecessarily long but i just have a lot of feelings about them okay and i don’t know anyone else that ships them so they’re my ship for this wOO

12.  YOUR MOST SCANDALOUS HEADCANON FOR YOUR CURRENT OTP(S)/OT3(S)/OTX(S)

i don’t think i really have any scandalous headcanons?? i’m very boring with my ships haha sorry, all my headcanons are angst or fluff

13.  DO YOU HAVE ANY HARD AND FAST HEADCANONS THAT YOU WILL DIE DEFENDING, ABOUT ANYTHING AT ALL (GENDER IDENTITY, SEXUAL OR ROMANTIC ORIENTATION, EXTENDED FAMILY, SEXUAL PREFERENCES LIKE TOP/BOTTOM/SWITCH, RELATIONSHIP WITH POETRY, SERIOUSLY ANYTHING)

pretty much any poc harry potter hcs i will defend to the death, bisexual remus lupin, myka and hg wells in warehouse 13 dated at some point, bisexual harry potter, remus / tonks was unnecessary. i liked them and everything, but i didn’t really see the point of downgrading such an amazing woman like tonks to the Love Interest. she deserved better. even remus lupin knew that. danny in the defenders needs to say “i’m the immortal iron fist” less pls and thank. putting caleb and ben ( show: TURN ) with women ( that we never actually got to see ) at the end of the show was weird. bisexual musketeers. there aren’t enough lesbians in any shows m/m ships are easier to ship since there actually are some, but f/f ships are too rare and that’s a Problem. more women friendships, i’m super tired of the women being nasty to each other bc they like the same guy or whatever. peter pettigrew had a snape/lily -esque love for sirius, which is why he turned in the potters, so sirius would think remus was the secret keeper and have no one to turn to except peter. james potter grew up and evolved, pls don’t compare him to snape. neville longbottom is pure and must be protected. luna’s family can just be whimsical!! you don’t need a Dark and Edgy reason behind it, they can just be wonky and happy and weird!! every single nickname in the harry potter series is fckin hiLARIOUS. ginny weasley deserved better than she got in the movies, they did her a massive injustice. 

14.  5 FAVORITE CHARACTERS FROM 5 DIFFERENT FANDOMS

1. ariadne ( i adore pythagoras but i’m gonna go with ariadne bc reasons ), atlantis

2. constance, the musketeers

3. cosima, orphan black

4. ginny, harry potter series ( /quietly pushes movie!ginny into a corner book!ginny for life )

5. ben talmidge, TURN

15. 3 OTPS FROM 3 DIFFERENT FANDOMS

i’m gonna put ones that i didn’t put in the first question : 

1. nomi / amanita ( sense8 )

2. korinna / ariadne ( atlantis )

3. luna / ginny ( harry potter series )

16. 5 FAVORITE SHIPS

THESE ARE SUCH HARD QUESTIONS OH MY GOD i’m going to try and put ones i haven’t mentioned before all of my ships that i’ve mentioned are favorites though okay

1. captain james / molly ( our girl )

2. fleur / tonks ( harry potter )

3. hernando / lito ( sense8 )

4. athelstan / ragnar ( vikings )

5. sirius / peter ( harry potter )

17.  JUST RAMBLE ABOUT SOMETHING FAN-RELATED, GO GO GO (PROMPTS OPTIONAL BUT ENCOURAGED)

i came late into the atlantis fandom, so i didn’t get much of a chance to be there before the series was over, but i remember seeing it all over my dash before season two came out, it was like the day before the second season started, and i was like. i gotta check this series out. so i watched the first episode of the first season, and proceeded to marathon the entire first season so i could start the second season with you lovely people in the atlantis fandom, and honestly, i’ve never been part of a better, happier, drama-free fandom. i love it so much and i love all of you so much and this is slightly cheesy but i just think everyone in the fandom is amazing. 

other things. um. okay well this is sort of fan-related, but i’ve met the most amazing group of people through my group, @orderfromchaos-rp. it’s such a talented and fantastic group of incredible writers, and i just love all of them to pieces, i’ve never had such an amazing rp experience. 

i’m hardcore worried about johnny depp and jude law playing against each other in fbawtft. i’m not a fan of jude law for this role and i actively, adamantly hate johnny depp, so i’m honestly worried that’s going to ruin that ship for me. 

i’m super excited about being a part of all the fandoms i’m in, honestly, i don’t totally know what to do for this part of this meme so i’m just ranting but i’m seriously hoping i can be in a fandom that doesn’t have its show cancelled soon after i enter it, because being longterm fandom buddies with new material sounds amazing and i would love to be a part of something like that again, i’m not really active in many fandoms rn and i wanna change that, so hmu with any suggestions for things i should watch!!!!

[the--blackdahlia]

Shake it Off Chapter 5 (Dean x Reader)

Title: Shake it Off Chapter 5

Summary:  The reader decides to get rid of the Mark of Cain for Dean using witchcraft, not realizing what she's getting herself into.

Warnings: Not much for this chapter I don’t think

AN: I was really debating on if I should post this or not. So if you have any comments, please be gentle.

“Reports or agents?” Sam asked as he flipped through their fake ID’s. “I’m not sure if FBI agents would really be searching for this specific person, but tabloids might be.” Dean nodded.

 “Yeah, that sounds better.” Dean said. They were sitting out in the parking lot of the meat plant that (Y/n) had been spotted at. He looked down at the suit he was wearing. Sam looked at him.

 “I can go in by myself if you want.” Sam said. “She might not kill me.” He tried to laugh at his bad joke, but Dean just shook his head. He climbed out of the car and grabbed a press badge for Jude Law and Sam grabbed one for Kevin Conroy. They made their way into the plant, where some of the guys were hard at work. Harry looked up at them.

 “Can I help you guys?” He asked, making his way over to them.

 “I’m Kevin, this is Jude. We’re with Weekly World News…”

 “And let me guess, you’re here to ask about (Y/n).” Harry said, making Dean stand up straight.

 “How’d you know?” Dean asked. Harry sighed.

 “Since one of these idiot boys leaked the story about her to the local news, we’ve had people calling and emailing us. You two are the first brave enough to walk in here.”

 “Well, we’ve been tracking her for a while…” Sam said. Dean elbowed him when he saw Harry raise an eyebrow.

 “Tracking her?” He asked. “Is she in some sort of trouble? She’s a good kid, I promise. Just some anger issues. But she’s usually fine after we let her take out some aggression.” Sam nodded and jotted stuff down, to make it seem like he was taking notes.

 “Do you have an address for her?” Sam asked, since Dean didn’t seem capable of thinking of anything beside the fact that (y/n) was here. “Or is she here?”

 “She’s not here. She’s taking the rest of the week off.” Harry explained. “It’s really nothing. She probably wasn’t as hurt as we thought she was.” He was a little weary of these two. He had known (Y/n) for about nine months now, and she was the nicest girl. A little rough around the edges and a little too into her job, but he didn’t have any problems out of her and she didn’t put up with anything from these boys she worked with. “As for the address, I can’t just give that out to you. That’s an invasion of her privacy…”

 “Of course. I understand.” Sam said. “Come on Jude, we should go.”

 “Uh, one last question.” Dean said, staring at Harry. “Has she mentioned a guy named Dean by any chance?”

 “If he’s the one that branded her, I have words for him.” Harry said. “That mark looks nasty. She says it was an accident, but I’ll kill him for hurting such a sweet girl.” Dean nodded.

 “Thank you for your time.” He said, walking out the door with Sam hot on his heels. Harry looked around at the guys, who had been staring at his interaction with “Kevin” and “Jude”.

 “Get back to work you lazy sons of bitches.” He said. The boys all went back to work. One of them excused himself to the bathroom. He pulled out his phone and highlighted a number. With a sigh, he pressed call.

 “(Y/n), you need to pick up.” The guy said. “There’s guys here looking for you. You need to get out of town. Now.”

 ****

 “I don’t know what we can do now Dean.” Sam said as they drove around Sheridan. “It’s not like (y/n) has made it easy for us to find her.”

 “We’ll find her.” Dean told him. “We’ve come this far.” Sam nodded and looked out the window.

 “I doubt she would live in town.” Sam said. “If she’s keeping herself under control by working at a slaughterhouse, she wouldn’t want to live by noisy neighbors who could set her off at any moment.”

 “You realize this is a farming town Sam. How much country there is between here and any other town.” Dean said. Sam nodded.

 “There has to be something. We could ask people about abandoned places. Or we could drive around. There has to be something.” Dean sighed. As much as he hated to admit it, Sam was right.

 “We still have daylight. Let’s see what we can find.” Dean told him as he pointed Baby in a random direction and just started driving.

 ****

 (Y/n) groaned as she pulled herself up out of the chair she had been sleeping in. Too much to drink the night before and she didn’t even make it to her bed. Her head was pounding, but that was nothing new. She made her way to the kitchen to make herself some coffee, looking down at her hands as she did. Not a mark to be seen, outside of that evil thing on her arm.

 She didn’t bother looking at her phone as she made her coffee. But something felt off today. She could feel it in her bones.

 ****

 “Dean, what are you doing?” Sam asked as Dean pulled off the road at an old looking house. There was a beautiful Chevy truck sitting by the house, so someone had to live there.

 “Just a hunch, okay?” Dean said. Something was pulling him to this house. He parked by the truck and got out.

 ****

 She heard the familiar rumble of the car. If this would’ve been any other time, she would’ve been running for joy and jumping into his arms. But the venom in her ran thick in her blood. She pulled open a drawer in her tiny kitchen and grabbed a knife.

 ****

 Dean and Sam made their way to the front door. They had FBI badges ready, just in case it wasn’t (Y/n). Dean knocked a couple times, but got no answer. Sam looked over at him.

 “Maybe no one is home.” Sam said.

 “But the truck…” Dean said. (Y/n) had a thing for trucks. Sam shook his head and headed back to the car. Dean sighed and followed suit as the front door opened.

 “How the hell did you find me?” (Y/n) growled. Dean and Sam turned around. Dean was more than happy to see her, until he saw the anger in her eyes, the knife in her hand, and the mark on her arm.

Tag List: @amazingmontse @petrovadixon @smoothdogsgirl @theas-bedtime-stories @tornjeansandabrokenheart

[maximumkillshotstillwritess-blog]

When You Call Part 4

Warnings: A/B/O Dynamics, Angst, Alpha!Dean, Omega!Reader, FLUFFY AF, some angst, panic attack  

Pairing: Eventual Dean x Reader  

Characters: Alpha!Sam, Alpha!Dean, Omega!Reader  

A/N: Ohh guys it’s time for part 4!!! I know that this was a few days coming but I promise it’s worth the wait! The responses to this series is overwhelming and I can’t thank each and every one of you enough for your support! Once again, many many many thanks to @emoryhemsworth for being my Beta reader, and thank you for dealing with all of my grammar and tense issues… you have a heart of gold!! This one is still slightly angsty, but it is also Fluffy AF! (Italics in this one signify internal dialogue as well…)

Overall Masterlist- Click Here

“When You Call” Masterlist- Click Here

Wanna Chat? Click Here

Previously…..

“I thought you didn’t want your rut to get worse,” I replied nonchalantly.

“I can handle myself. I’d rather smell you. Your scent calms me, ‘Mega.” Damn him and that growl. Heat pooled immediately in between my thighs and Dean smelled it. “There’s a time and a place and with how banged up you are. This ain’t the time or place. Get in, ‘Mega. We still have a few hours before Sam’s early morning ass gets up.”

As soon as I got into the bed Dean scooched himself closer to me put his arm under my head. Usually, this wouldn’t be a problem, but Dean’s in rut, so now I can only describe what I felt as a push and pull. I want him, I always wanted him, but this… This was a craving, more than that, a necessity… I needed Dean…

Yup… this was gonna be a long night.

Y/N’s POV:

Found via Google Search

I began to slowly awaken to the dull thud of what sounded like footsteps. My head snapped up to see Sam dressed in his running outfit, all except for one shoe.

“Damn it, did I wake you?” asked Sam as he fiddled with a shoelace that just wasn’t cooperating.

As I gained consciousness I began to notice that I wasn’t just sleeping on my side, like I always did. I moved my legs and realized that they were tangled with Deans. Dean was fully facing my back cradling my head with his arm, effectively making me the little spoon. The next thing that I noticed was a heavy weight on my hip, when I touched it to feel what it was, it was Dean’s hand.

The weirdest thing was, the more purchase I gained the more I realized that I felt nothing but a dull pain in my ribs. Hmm, I guess sleeping for those three days did wonders for me.  

“Wake is such a strong word, I’m a light sleeper anyway, so no big deal. Need help with that pan-hands?” I responded, joking with him of course. The minute I tried to sit up it felt like tiny knives were surrounding my ribcage and stabbing me simultaneously. I couldn’t help but whimper and try to curl into a ball, protecting my ribs from nothing in particular.

“Shit, stay down Y/N/N. Your ribs are shattered. Lemme get you some painkillers,” Sam immediately sprung into action. I gratefully swallowed the pills and checked to see if Dean was pulled to consciousness by my lack of self-awareness. I looked and noticed that he was still out like a light.

“I didn’t feel anything when I woke up… shit!” I silently cursed myself.

“That makes sense,” quipped Sam.

“Oh really?”

Originally posted by lucifersagents

Sam sat down on the other bed to talk to me while he finished taking care of his stupid laces. “Yeah, there are studies that show that Alpha scents have a chemical in their pheremones that affect Omega’s in the way an opiate would, almost like morphine. I think they named it ‘OC-42’. That’s why many Omegas are never fully sated when they’re with a Beta, especially in heat. They don’t have that chemical to literally get high off of. Another study showed that an Omega’s scent has that very same effect on Alphas, especially when they’re in rut. Really interesting stuff.”

I listened intently as Sam and I always had similar interests when it came to research.

“Ok, first off, you need to send me those articles, and secondly, why do they call it ‘OC-42’ and what does that have to do with me going from no pain to crippling agony?” I asked.

Sam chuckled, “I’ll email it to you today! It’s called ‘OC-42’ because ‘OC’ is an acronym for ‘opiodal chemical’ and ‘42’ is in there because the chromosome that’s responsible for the production of that chemical seems to be the 42nd chromosome in human DNA. As for the reason why this makes sense for your case? You were wrapped up in Dean, hell you still are a bit. Here’s the trick, when you were sleeping, half of your face was on his arm, right?”

“Yeah, why?”

“Y/N, one of the scenting glands are there, at the bend of the elbow. That’s why you didn’t feel anything until your head left his arm,” replied Sam.

“Hmm, that is definitely interesting,” I said with a smirk.

Originally posted by lucifersagents

“What’s interesting?” groaned Dean as his eyes slowly began to open.

“Apparently you are like morphine to me, because I’m in heat and you’re in rut,” I replied.

“And that’s different from how we normally are, how? I’ve always been your morphine,” uttered Dean mischievously as he began to sit up carefully.

“Hell no Winchester. You, my good friend, give me all of the headaches,” I chuckled in response.

Originally posted by thejabberwock

“You know, that would hurt if I didn’t know better,” smirked Dean as he called the diner and ordered the food to go. After he hung up he began to get dressed.  

“Where are you going? Don’t leave,” I began to panic. Why was I panicking? Those assholes were dead, what did I have to worry about? I can’t be alone, I can’t be without him.

“Sweetheart, relax. I’m just going to get you breakfast, you haven’t eaten in days,” Dean tried to soothe me but it wasn’t working.

“Nononononononono… Dean, you are not leaving me. You can’t leave me, what if someone else comes? I can’t fight, I can’t run. I can’t even get to the bathroom on my own. How in the hell am I going to be able to fight for myself ?” I rushed out the sentences as the walls began to close in.

“Sweetheart Sam won’t go anywhere, okay? One of us is going to be with you the whole time… Don’t worry.” Dean reassured me.

“I’m not asking for Sam… I’m asking for you, Dean! Please don’t leave me!” I was near tears until I smelled that familiar scent that reached to the core of my anxiety and smothered it. I felt strong hands wrap me from behind as Dean petted my hair and shushed me.

“Then it’s settled, I’m not going anywhere, ok? I’m right here, I’ll protect you no matter what…. “ Cooed Dean as he slowly got my breathing down to normal. I didn’t care about the pain in my ribs as I twisted myself around to bury my face in Dean’s neck.

Dean looked at Sam, “Sam, could you get the food before your run, it’s already ordered. I got it from the diner in town, you remember?” He kissed me on the top of my head as soon as he finished speaking, letting me know that he wasn’t going anywhere.

“Yeah, sure, I’ll be right back” replied Sam as he grabbed Baby’s keys from the table and left

Dean’s POV:

The minute I saw the desperation in her eyes I knew three things: I knew that I was done for, NO ONE WILL EVER TOUCH HER AGAIN, and that I’d die without her. I don’t know what caused these feelings. It’s not the rut, it wasn’t a territorial feeling, even if it was they usually come and go with the waves of rut. Those feelings were and still are deep. They are in my soul. As I wrapped my hands around her to soothe her, I knew I wasn’t going anywhere.

Seeing her beg for me to stay broke my heart, but I also felt a sense of reassurance. Knowing that Y/N wanted me and only me, knowing that it was my scent that calmed her, reassured me of the fact that we have a connection that is deeper than just feelings or memories. We have an instinctual tether to each other, a bond. Yet there was something more than just a bond.

I had no idea how I didn’t see it before. Every single time we go on a hunt I’m always hypervigilant of Y/N and everytime she gets hurt I immediately go into “kill everything” mode.

That would also explain why Bobby and Dad wanted us as far away as possible from each other when we presented. They kept us away from each other because they knew… They knew what -whatever the hell- we were and are looked like. It was dangerous at the time, so they separated us… I only sobbed in front of my father once, that was when Y/N was ripped away from me on that hot summer day.

Originally posted by amal-albuloshia

Dad and Bobby had tricked us into separating, unpacking something in her overnight bag that she was going to take on the hunt with us. When she went up to get it, dad whispered: “I’m sorry Dean.” When I asked him what he meant, he locked the doors and revved up the Impala. I begged him to stop. To just wait for her, I begged him, I bargained with him.

As we began to pull away, I heard Bobby yelling, “Y/N baby doll calm down… No, you aren’t going! It’ll be alright. It’s for the best for once trust me!”

I remembered looking in the rear-view mirror of the Impala, I couldn’t turn around or I would’ve thrown myself clear through Baby’s back window. I saw Y/N trying to break free of Bobby’s grasp as I heard her scream “No you can’t take him away, Papa no! DEAN! Papa, you can’t do this.” Her hands were clawing at the air, trying to rope the car back to her as tears fell down her face while Bobby continued to struggle to keep her at bay.

I felt this hot searing pain go through me like I was being ripped in half. The pain was an old friend. I used to have that pain every night when I was a kid and only one person could numb me, could take the pain away, that person was Y/N. The pain was constant until she would lay down with me and hum to me. I taught her “Sweet Child O’Mine” just so that she could hum it to me when that pain got torturous. When I was a kid, that pain would be accompanied with flashes of my moms face, little sounds clips of her humming “Hey Jude,” all the times she said, “I love you, Dean.”

That day, that pain was the same, but instead of my mom in my head, it was Y/N. Her smiling face when we would sneak out with Sammy and try to give him some sort of a normal childhood by taking him to the park. The light as it danced off of her hair, the utter joy at seeing Sammy’s smile, at seeing my smile.

I remembered when she nearly died on a hunt. A ghoul got her pretty good and she wouldn’t let anyone else touch her but me. Bobby and Dad gave a huff as they sat across the room while I patched her up.

Then all of the nights, the way that she’d hold me, protect me. Almost like a pirate guards their treasure, so certain that, if anyone dare touched what was hers, they’d walk the plank, I am hers. Same with Sammy, everytime he so much as whimpered in a dream her whole body shot up, moving to his bed to soothe his mind.

As I openly sobbed in the front seat of the car that day. Dad, of course, didn’t care. Maybe it wasn’t that he didn’t care, but that he remembered the feeling of mom getting ripped away from him. He knew the pain and didn’t know how to make it better.

That also explained why Uncle Bobby hated us going anywhere together. He didn’t want Y/N to get hurt if I died, well at least not hurt beyond repair. After reliving all of this I finally put two and two together.

I never realized that Y/N never felt like family to me. As I held her tiny frame in my arms while she nuzzled my neck, I didn’t feel like I was holding a family member, she felt like home. She felt like a jewel that I’d be an idiot not to protect. Like my reason for existing, my reason for being. Every single time I’m around her it feels like I finally found the missing puzzle piece, and that feeling was always there. I just never pinpointed it.

I didn’t know what to call it when I was four because I was so young. That pull, that feeling I always had towards her, it wasn’t just friendship, lust, or hormones, hell it wasn’t even instinct… It was love. Not the feeling of being in love, no, the real thing. The love that people have died for. The love that people will crawl out of hell for like Y/N did. This love that I have for her is the love that most people don’t even get to experience in a lifetime…  and I experienced that love every day since the first day I met her at Uncle Bobby’s. I don’t feel like she’s family because she isn’t. She doesn’t feel like family because I love her… I love her.

After Sam left the room, I knew I had to tell her. I couldn’t wait anymore and we didn’t have much time before he came back.

When she calmed down I began what could’ve possibly been the most awkward conversation of our lives.

“Y/N, sweetheart, we need to talk,” I said not nearly as confidently as I had hoped it’d come out.

“About what, Dean?” she asked. Damn, she looked up at me with those doe eyes, I knew that I was a goner before, but now… Now I’m not only gone… but loving it too.

Just breathe Dean, just breathe. You are talking to your best friend… that’s it.

“About something that I’ve been feeling for a while and I didn’t even know it.”

Dude, cut it out with the voice shaking, she’s gonna get spooked!

“Oooooookay… Don’t see how that has something to do with me but continue.”

This is good… she didn’t run! Progress Dean, good job, ok now… Just don’t fuck up!

Thanks for being vague yet again conscious.

My pleasure!

I leaned into her neck and took a deep breath, I felt even more of a pull to her when I did. I muttered into her neck “It has everything to do with you.”

“Listen, I know that what I did, going out on my heat without one of you, it was stupid and childish. It was selfish and I should’ve at least let Sam come along. I know that, I was just so furious.” Muttered Y/N as she pulled away from me, covering her face in shame.

Quick, comfort her! She thinks you’re still pissed.

“I get it if you don’t want to hunt with me anymore. I compromised myself. You don’t need someone like that on your team.”

SHITTTT MOVE YOUR MOUTH WINCHESTER!!! I SWEAR TO EVERY DEITY IF YOU DON’T OPEN YOUR DAMN MOUTH!!!

Originally posted by destielonfire

“NO! Nononononono, you can’t leave, Y/N. I’m not pissed about what happened, ok?” I semi-rushed the words out of my mouth. I took  breath after I let the words fly out, trying to figure out what to say.

C’mon man, she’s gotta know… you need her… she needs you.

I get it conscious, thank you for your lovely input, yet again!

I can tell you’re being sarcastic, wise-ass.

“Then why are you looking at me like that?” asked Y/N. Damn her lips are in a semi pout, they looked so perfect and before I knew it I leaned into her.

Originally posted by gifworld13

That first kiss. Her lips were so soft and still slightly chapped as I molded mine to hers. Their inherent warmth entranced every single fiber of my being and for once, I was complete. I could feel her begin to moan into the kiss as she brought her hands to my cheeks. Then her scent hit me, fields of wildflowers, fresh rain, pie, her slightly fruity notes that were all her own. My God, it felt like the gates of heaven opened to finally give me some relief. Relief of all of my stress, my worries, all that mattered was her.

Originally posted by samslostshoe-deansbaby

When I broke the kiss and touched our foreheads together I breathed, “I’m looking at you like this because I love you.”

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Jun 5th, 2018