#like idk the month I spent training in a high performance squad I was almost always the lowest erg scores like the only person you can

[6ebe]

whenever I meet a novice rower who’s already obsessed with erg scores and splits and stats it makes me feel crazy like girl you will not survive if you’re measuring your worth as a novice rower against the stats of people with years more experience a week in -

[lachalaine]

tagged by: @gloryundimmed & @noncompcsmentis i think ?? thank u both !! i went overboard. again. 

tagging: @bathed-in-red & @kaito-squad & @cxdxnce & @risiox & @hhemeraa & @valorandheart only if u wanna !!

tw self harm below - 2nd childhood hc

TWO FACTS.

-          After Jackie left her ex behind – that very night, she found herself at the train station of Chiba with merely a duffel bag of her few belongings, and a small envelope of cash to her name. Saved up over the course of her last few jobs, it was merely enough for her to get by for a few months if she managed to use it sparingly. She was on the last trip out to Tokyo that evening, and spent her first few weeks lodged with an old Yakuza friend that’d taken her in. In exchange for shelter, she acted as a courier for him – delivering files and packages all across the city for him whilst undercover. That’s one of the reasons she’s rather knowledgeable of Tokyo’s back alleys and black markets, for she’d plied through most of it on an almost daily basis for at least three months. In terms of her career, she’d gotten in touch with one of her old DJ friends who’d she’d been rather close to before disappearing off the face of the map. Despite the fact that he wasn’t exactly told where she’d been off to in the past year – for she’d very rarely kept in touch – he didn’t ask her enough questions that she couldn’t answer. He lent her his music equipment, and helped her get back into the club scene. Nowadays he’s off touring the world, having made her promise before he left that she would soon follow – so they might one day perform together on a festival stage. His name was Theodore LeBlanc and he was an einjerhar too. In particular, he was Tutchie - Jazzele’s duet partner. 

-          Jackie would admittedly end up having one night stands every few months with random guys she’d meet at clubs or events. Though she was still rather picky with who she ended up with – has had maybe between only six to eight incidents like this – no matter how hungover she was the next morning, she’d always be the first one out the door before the guy even woke up. Needless to say she’s had to take the walk of shame quite a few times, but she’s never once called one of them back – despite a few of their attempts to contact her. If she saw any of them back at an event she was currently playing at, she’d skootch out the door faster than any of them could see her. Or if they did manage to see her, she’d run off, have her friends cause a diversion and would usually end up hiding behind the bar waiting for them to leave. To everyone else, it was amusing. To her – she was just comforted by the fact that the bartender kept passing her drinks to get over it.

THREE CHILDHOOD HCS.

-          Jackie’s French linguistic skills – though she hardly uses it – was mostly taught to her by her father. She’s a daddy’s girl tbh. As a child, he would read her French books and sing her lullabies to sleep so as to chase away her nightmares – the only thing that could calm her down after some particularly frightening ones that sometimes would still reoccur until today. When they get really bad, she’ll sometimes call her father to have him sing it to her, if only so she can calm down. She would mostly only use the language when she would be speaking to her father and her grandparents whenever they’d arrive fromFrance. Other than that – she’s never really used it – keeping her linguistic skills to merely conversational French, and not much beyond that. As for today, she’s rather shy about using it to talk to most people, as she’s somewhat afraid her intonations may come off sounding wrong. If she ever manages to sing you a French lullaby though, it means you’re someone sincerely special to her and she trusts you completely.

-          Jackie first started using self-harm as a control method to her emotions when she was only around 11 years old. She was a pretty sensitive kid, one that took any and all critique against her rather seriously – that when she couldn’t handle her seemingly endless failures, she would break down in tears of frustration and sadness, self-hate gradually building up within her until she was absolutely disgusted with herself as a whole. Knowing that she would only ever come across to people as a burden that way, as a child that was more annoying than anything – she took matters into her own hands. Literally. Digging her nails into her skin had proven to be the method in which she could keep most of her emotions steady. Physical pain had become her friend, something she found she could deal with better than any emotional ache. Though she’d never found the courage to go beyond that, she made sure the marks were always hidden – under sleeves, along the inside of her palms, by her thighs when things got really, really bad. At times she would draw blood. Those were the times that she’d grow scared of herself. She’d literally used herself as a stress ball to deal with her anger – and though the habit hasn’t stuck, sometimes she’ll still fall back into that when she’s out of means in which to handle it on her own. That’s why she keeps her nails long. And that’s also why nowadays, she’d rather opt to punch people in the face then take it out on herself.

-          Jackie had a habit for wanting to try out everything when she was a kid – with or without prior permission from her parents. This ranged from extracurricular activities – to food. Though her parents would tell you it was the food bit that was the most frustrating. Whether it was chocolate or candy or the last cookie in the jar – no matter how high up or where you hid it – you could be certain she’d find her way towards it. The first time her parents brought her to a Japanese restaurant around 5 years old, they’d grown distracted by the menu and left the little one to mess around with the stuff on the table. The condiments had already been placed down in front of them, and Jackie – always ever curious, saw the big lump of green stuff sitting on a plate just out of reach. Sneaky little girl that she was, she grabbed for it – thinking it was ice cream. With a large scoop of her spoon later, it was in her mouth before her parents could notice she’d sneaked it away. One could say she’d been rather proud of herself. For like – two seconds. Because right after that she was freaking out and kind of gasping and waving her arms around crying for a glass of water. That day – she learned not to touch random things without asking. That day she also learned to have a complete hatred for wasabi. You couldn’t get her to touch the damn thing if you tried.

THREE UNUSED ICONS.

FIVE SHIPS. not necessarily romantic ships

Roppi // @bathed-in-red – brother figure, actual hitman – also all around dork when he’s with Jackie. Their friendship is built on a sense of home and friendship that they probably wouldn’t be able to explain to you if you so much as asked. In a way, they always just kind of – clicked, without meaning to. Fiercely protective, they also know how to handle each other should they go into a psychotic episode – Jackie for the influx of power from her abilities and Roppi for his random states of madness. However, they also run the highest risk of murdering each other without meaning to. Roppi almost did. However – if you were to ask her who she trusted the most, he would still be the first name on her tongue. Also he gave her that cat she has. 

Kai // @gloryundimmed - currently her major love interest, Kai honestly just effortlessly stole her heart without even trying. Admittedly, Jackie has had a crush on him since forever – though she was never one to actually show it so she was pretty content on remaining in the friendzone until she suddenly !! wasn’t in there anymore !!! and idk how it happened because somehow their angst thread just turned into a romance thing and then its like – all their simultaneous passion for each other just popped out and its been a rollercoaster ride ever since. And it’s just been so great because you can obviously tell how much they want each other in every interaction they have, and she honestly feels so safe with him, so much like she can just be herself and have fun and they give each other so much affection that she’s so weak for him all the time. And yet they have their own problems as well – their own fears and concerns and everything can sometimes catch up to them really badly and it’s such a tough wall they each have to get past if they want to stay together. And I’m still not sure how these two are going to end up in the end, but I know that Jackie is so head over heels for him and she’d fight so hard to keep him even if she’s scared as fuck and I’m really hoping they’ll work out once we get the really big angst plot going because its so hard to tell at the moment how that will go. But with how they are together right now, it has a good chance of being a good ending. I hope at least hihi

Kazuo // @kaito-squad– one of her closest friends, a high school kid / thief she – accidentally influenced to join her on her usually illegal excursions around the city. They’ve stolen a plush toy from a crane game, almost blown up his school with a bomb, run away from the police countless of times and have kicked demon butt and wrecked an art museum all in one night. Also she’s the godmother to his child in their future verse and he bails her out of jail. She did the same once – only she sold his diamonds to get him out and kept the rest of the cash as payment for actually doing the deed.

Troy // @sylentee - a one night stand that turned into a friends with benefits thing that turned into a boyfriend thing and honestly it’s just such a cute fluffy ship that makes me really, really happy when I get to see them together. Troy is just really cuddly with her and treats her right and he makes her happy and it’s just easy for these two to be together because it’s really simple and fun and always makes her feel really light and happy afterwards. Also she’s such an absolute tease with him and enjoys just being on his lap and watching movies and hanging out together they’re honestly adorable aaaaah

Kou // @risiox - I think I can consider him her newest closest friendship thing now?? Like they manage to get into the worse most painful situations together but also they’re just very easy together and seem like the type of pair that’ll be really great friends and hanging out together seems like it’ll be so much fun. They went to the hospital together, and they saved a cat together, and he saved her when she was being stubborn about burning her hands and now they’re gonna spend new years together its so nice I love it this makes me happy too hihi