#like idk how to say this shit irl without sounding strange but like. we need. to be more accepting of weird things and people

[fae-fucker]

Zenith: Chapter 29-32

I realize leaving y’all hanging for a whole year like that in the snark, where our beloved heroes Andi and Dex had just been shot in their empty little heads, was very cruel of me. You guys must’ve been just DYING to know what happened.

Quick recap: Andi & Co are space pirates. They are captured by Andi’s ex Dex and the father of Andi’s childhood friend, whom she “murdered” by landing a ship bad. He asks her to get his son, who is in a dank dark prison. Andi does the thing with the help of Dex and her ragtag bunch of generic archetypes. 

We good?

Let’s go.

Chapter 29

We interrupt the 100% totally real threat of Andi and Dex being shot to death to have another boring-ass moment with Nor. She walks around in an underground lab feeling sorry for herself and thinking about how tragic her backstory is. We’re introduced to a two-headed scientist who could’ve been interesting in the hands of actually talented authors, but who doesn’t appear in the book after this point so she’s wasted. For some reason she’s also referred to as one person when the heads are clearly different individuals? Irl when there are two heads sharing one body the heads are different people with different names. You know, because the person is stored in the brain? Idk why Shinsay did this.

“Slowly, you dolt!” the right head screeched to the left. 

The left head huffed in annoyance. “I’m merely trying to give our queen a glimpse of her new toy.” 

“It’s a wonder I’ve been able to put up with you all these years,” the right head retorted. 

“You haven’t a choice, my dear,” the left said back.

I think this is supposed to be funny, but all I can think if is how everyone’s dialogue sounds exactly the same. 

We find out that this is where Nor’s people are developing the titular Zenith (except it’s not named yet, spoilers), and Nor wants to know if they’ve made any progress.

The two-headed scientist, Aclisia, says that the weapon is ready and that they only need a test subject. Did they develop this mind-altering thing without any previous test subjects? I mean I guess it makes sense that they’d need somebody unaffected by previous versions to test out the final product, but like ... Did the previous subjects die? That doesn’t bode well. 

Anyway, the test subject they have is one of the guards on Lunamere, where Andi and Dex were in the previous chapters. Nor is displeased that the guard “let them go,” and I want you to remember this line:

“You had one of the Unified System’s most wanted fugitives in my prison. And instead of keeping her there, where she could have been persuaded to join the right side of the galaxy...you lost her. [...]”

File that away for future reference, my pretties. 

Anyway, we end the chapter without even finding out what the drug does, because Shinsay love breaking their own pace and suspense because they have to rely on cliffhangers to keep people reading. 

Chapter 30

Oh Christ oh God it’s our girl Klaren again. It’s year twenty-four and despite five years passing this woman is still all about how she’s destined to die and everything in her life is crap, which, idk, mood I guess?

Xen Ptera is losing the war and Klaren is sick because of all the poison air or whatever. The king wants her to hide because enemy troops are closing in, and Klaren takes another moment to think about how she wasn’t supposed to fall in love and yadda yadda. 

Who’s ready for another Smaasism?

She wished she could go back. She wished she could change that passionate night they had shared, the careless days after and the tonic she’d forgotten to take...

tOnIC

You’d think in advanced space times they’d have more reliable birth control. 

Also ... wouldn’t the king expect an heir anyway? Like, we’ve seen that even the title of “general” is inherited in this shitfest of a universe, so wouldn’t he eventually catch on and insist on having a kid? Or if she claimed she couldn’t produce one, surely there would be tech to get around that? Idk. For all the future-sight this bitch had, she sure didn’t have any common sense. 

Klaren tells the king to take Nor and fuck off, and Darai says something about how she’s the strongest Yielded and how she must fulfill her duty. 

Which apparently includes going into the battlefield, which is conveniently right outside the palace, and mind-control General Cortas into wanting to fuck her so bad he forgot she was his enemy. 

Her husband was wrong. 

Hope was not dead. 

Hope, in the form of the queen’s sacrifice, had only just flickered to life.

This is framed as tragic and beautiful but she is about to mind-rape a man for years soooo get ready for some extremely uncomfortable shit.

Chapter 31

We’re back in Andi’s POV, except it’s still a fucking flashback. This time it’s to when Andi was still Kalee’s Spectre and lived with Valen and the other dingdongs. And then we get actually good writing?

During meals, when Andi and the other Spectres stood guard, she’d watch him curiously. Valen usually sat in the farthest seat from his father, hunched forward as if he were battling some deep, silent pain. Sometimes she’d catch him staring at her with his strange, unblinking hazel eyes, his paint-stained fingers gripping his golden fork like a weapon he didn’t want to use.

Like I’m into this. It’s showing and not telling, mysterious and intriguing without being on the nose, and for once Andi doesn’t have all the cards and knows what Valen is inside and out, so his character doesn’t become obvious. Like, he’s battling some pain, but he’s also reluctant to use a weapon? That could mean anything! In a good way!

This good chunk is also immediately ruined by the following descriptions, which point out that indeed, all the other kids talk about Valen and how WEEEEYOOORDDD he is, and how he’s constantly covered in paint, because that’s what artists look like, I guess. Catch me bodyslamming a freshly painted park bench to prove I know color theory.

We’re also told that Valen never got a personal Spectre for spooooooky reasons. He just doesn’t feel like a proper part of the family, ya know? I wonder that it all could meeeeaaaaaan. 

This is all told to us just so we can revisit the part where Valen tries to stop Andi and Kalee from going on a joyride. Kalee insults him for a bit, and then Valen drops some more foreshadowy dialogue about how he hopes this birthday is everything Kalee wants it to be. 

Subtle. 

Chapter 32

OH MY GOD WE’RE IN LIRA’S POV NOW. YOU’RE NOT FOOLING ANYONE SHINSAY, WE KNOW YOU WOULDN’T MURDER YOUR PRECIOUS CELAENA AND RHYSAND RIPOFFS IN CHAPTER 29 WHEN THERE’S A BILLION MORE CHAPTERS LEFT.

Lira has been literally counting seconds since they left Andi. 

Yeah.

She recaps everything that happened three chapters ago, saying they executed their secret plan with the “ultimate amount of finesse” before noting that despite obeying Andi’s direct orders to run, she feels like a traitor. 

Your captain is in chains, a voice whispered in the back of her mind. You should be by her side. Instead, you’re running. 

All you ever do is run.

I have literally no idea how this is even a little bit relevant considering that they’re waiting for Andi and Dex to return and aren’t moving anywhere. By the way, Andi and Dex are thirty minutes late. Which freaks Lira out because THAT WASN’T IN THE PLAN. 

Her scales start freaking out and she’s about to overheat. Holy shit, how are you still alive? 

Honestly, this is a pretty accurate depiction of someone with an anxiety disorder, but I think we’re supposed to think Lira is emotional or analytical or loyal or whatever. I doubt Shinsay have the finesse required to write something like this on purpose, so this just reads as incompetence. 

Apparently Andi said that if they’re late, the girls are supposed to flee and save themselves, and Lira is starting to get antsy. 

Ok so ... just moments ago you were worried about how you’re always running away. So why is your first instinct when your beloved captain is THIRTY MINUTES LATE to book it? Like. Calm the fuck down. Thirty fucking minutes, in space? Can you chill??? 

Lira whines more about how this is the second time this week that she’s second-in-command and she hates it. Hey why not give that responsibility to Breck, who’s always calming everyone down? Would that make too much sense? 

Lira goes to her room to mope and angst about how she likes being alone. It’s riveting. She thinks about how this crew is her SOUL and how much she LOVES them. Which we can see by her sitting alone in her room thinking about how much she loves them, obviously.

She continues to angst about how her dad died of Space Plague, and her mom became a drunk because ... Idk, that’s what moms do in books like these. But lo, she and her brother got taken in by their Cool Aunt, who then wanted them to Do Things when they grew up, and Lira doesn’t want to Do Things, she wants to fly around and Crime. 

So she left her home planet because her Cool Aunt wanted her to Do Too Much Stuff, and the weight of her expectations crushed Lira, who must soar the skies like the beautiful bald blue bird she is. 

The other girls interrupt this godawful exposition dump by inviting Lira to play some Not!Pokémon. And we get this exchange, which I included in my review, and yes, it’s real:

“Hope is a raging asshole,” Gilly said. 

“Explain to me, Gilly,” Breck said with a sigh, “how exactly can an asshole rage?”

Lira choked on a sudden, unexpected laugh. “I swear, the two of you. You were both born with my brother’s sarcastic soul.”

This bloated and repetitive nonsense that apparently passes for character development is interrupted by Alfie, who’s gotten out of the waste bay. We’re reminded that this ship doesn’t have any mechanics, because of course, and Alfie makes a reference about how the ship’s AI’s voice is turning him on. 

It appears Lira has gotten a message from Soy to come and get Andi and Dex.

*sigh*

[viptrash]

Well, I was tagged by @poeticallyspaghetti to answer 21 questions and tag 21 people

1. Nickname: I don’t have many nicknames honestly, most people just call me by my actual name. Although when I don’t like giving my name out, I default to Jay. My mom also calls me chirris, pingüino, and a bunch of other things in Spanish I have no idea how to spell lmao.

2. Zodiac sign: Pisces! (Pisces sun, Scorpio moon, and capricorn rising if anyone interested lmao)

3. Height: I don’t know exactly but it’s around 5’2”/5’3”

4. Hogwarts house: HUFFLEPUFF!!!!! Ppl bash on hufflepuff so much but I’ll bash their faces in if they talk shit about my house to my face :)

5. Last thing I googled: the lyrics to She’s in the Rain by the Rose, I like writing lyrics down in my notebook, sue me

6. Favorite artists: BTS, Monsta X, The Rose, 5 Seconds of Summer, Panic! At the Disco, Fall Out Boy, and im starting to get into Ateez and Chung Ha. I’m also kinda into Twenty One pilots but I’m not a huge fan lmao

7. Song stuck in my head: Well it’s an English medley of all the songs from Your Lie in April by Amanda Lee. If you’re into anime and you’re interested in English covers, check out her YouTube channel-it’s AmaLee. I love her songs and I’m a huge fan of Synchronicity and her SAO covers.

8. Favorite time of day: aaaaa I’d say sunset. It’s just so pretty, and every day it’s a different sight to see. Like some of them are similar but the variety of colors that can appear is so beautiful. And golden hour is gorgeous, even if I do get blinded by the sun lmao

9. Favorite color: pink! 🌸 specifically baby pink, it’s just such a soft and pretty color I love it so much

10. Following: 174 (wow I need to unfollow some people)

11. Followers: 33 (I love y’all :) thx for following this dumbass lmao)

12. Do I get asks: rarely! I do want more though so don’t be shy and send some in if you want!

13. Amount of sleep: I like to sleep a lot, which is weird bc I’m also a night owl. I also get REALLY cranky without enough sleep, and I can fall asleep just about anywhere if I’m tired enough honestly lmao. If I’m on a road trip (not driving) I’ll nod off easily just because long car rides put me to sleep strangely

14. Favorite number: 26, 2, or 6! All of them related to my birthday lmao

15. Why is there no number 15: one of these other numbers murdered number 15, now we need to solve this murder mystery. I’m looking at you, number 9 👀 number 3 is also a suspect.

16. Dream job: honestly. I’m still trying to figure this one out myself. My only real goal in life is to be as happy as I possibly can, so I don’t really mind what I do. My uncles putting a lot of pressure on me to become a pilot tho 😓

17. Instruments: i used to be in band in middle school, I played the flute, I wish I could play the piano though. I also took choir through the entirety of high school, so does my voice count?? (Nope probs not)

18. Language: Primarily English, but I grew up speaking both English and Spanish. As I got into my teenage years I quit speaking spanish so I lost a lot of it. I’m picking it back up though, I’m pretty fluent, I’m just missing a few words and grammatical stuff.

19. Favorite songs: oooooooooo ok by MX: Lost in the Dream, Myself, Alligator, and Ghost. BTS: Crystal Snow, Best of Me, Euphoria, Home, and Dionysus. By The Rose it’s California, She’s in the Rain, Insomnia, and Candy. 5sos: Youngblood, If Walls Could Talk. P!atd: Saturday Night, The End of All Things. Fob: Heaven’s Gate, Fourth of July, Death Valley.

20. A random fact: I can’t say “existential.” like if I focus on pronouncing it properly then yes but if I’m rambling like I normally do it usually comes out as “ex-shti-shten-shial” idk why, but it’s just the weird sound my mouth makes.

21. Aesthetic: eh i don’t really know how to describe it. I wanna say pink and soft and glittery (shimmery more like) but I’ll ask some of my irl friends and see what they have to say. I’ll come back to this one

Lastly, the tags! I’ve never been one for tagging people, so if anyone wants to do it, feel free to say I tagged you!

Thanks for coming to my ted talk lmao

[dangerliesbeforeyou]

dan made me do it

(lol jk, but like i have Feelings(tm) about my sexuality and everything & figure this is the best time and place to do it...)

So I figured out I was bisexual a little over 5 years ago, after discovering it was a legitimate thing I could call myself whilst being on tumblr (2014 was a big time for lgbt discourse, especially in terms of the various terms and labels, most of which I hadn’t been familiar with...)... but tbh, I’d been trying to come to terms with who I was in terms of my sexuality for a long time

I grew up in a religious house (my parents were jehovah’s witnesses), but I never really remember anything vaguely homophobic being thrown around? And even if it did exist, I wouldn’t have been aware of it since I never had any question or doubt in my mind about the fact I was attracted to boys (I’d had a rly intense crush on this one boy for about 5 years through primary and secondary school... I still sometimes see his pics on facebook & u know what? I still would lol anyway...) my early days in school were mostly taken up by trying to get friends not be a total recluse (I’ve always had trouble making friends and connecting to people it’s no biggie it’ ss fineee........ ok carry on>>)

So going into secondary school I never felt that I was anything other than straight? But one thing I vividly remember was the way people in my year treated girls that were suspected to be gay... in short? they were seen as ‘dirty’... it was something perverted, and highly sexualised... (as in: being a lesbian meant masturbating a lot... (i mean: this says something about wider misogyny & demonising of female pleasure but like.. another time, another time) & also making out loads with other girls)...  like no one ever came up and said ‘being gay is wrong’, but whenever rumours spread about a girl being suspected as gay and they didn’t deny them, people would suddenly start whispering about them... & it’s super strange to me that this was the same culture that if two female friends were really close and got labelled as gay, but came out and were like ‘oh no we’re straight ha ha we just kiss at parties and touch each others boobs’ or whatever, people would be completely ok with it?

So I never really gave myself the opportunity to go into this... I was never comfortable enough to be super ‘close’ to any of my female friends (intimacy issues: we don’t have to to get into all THAT right now though lol ahahaha....ha...) & I knew I wasn’t so called ‘skanky’ like all the girls who were labelled as being actually gay...

& this was all happening as I found myself actually being interested in looking at girls... (like what can I say? boobs are friggin nice to look at lol...) But i always saw it as innocent intrigue, since I was only 11/12 at the time so hadn’t grown into my own at the time... and the fact I felt more comfortable being touched by or talking to or like literally doing anything with girls? it’s just cos boys are gross there’s no other reason behind it!!.... right?

I think a big thing is that a lot of girls are so open with each other... like they’ll compliment each other’s boobs or asses, or comment on how pretty they are or their makeup skills or whatever.. you’ll be hard pressed to find a girl that goes all ‘no homo’ on her friend except.... I feel like that was me lol? I remember getting compliments from other girls about my appearance (didn’t happen often though pffft) or anything really and feeling all mushy inside, and giving the compliments back felt like a big deal to me? idk I suppose all the warning signs were there that hidden under layers of introverted awkwardness was a lil bi demon just waiting to come out lol!

So yadyyada, 2014 happens and I finally realise I’m bi... I just remember reading something on here about bisexuality and being like ‘oh damn yeh... dat me??’... like it felt amazing to be able to finally accept that I actually like girls too?? & one of the first people I told was this guy I became friends with when I first went to college... & he told me he was also bi and I remember thinking ‘wow!!!!! so it’s actually real?! it’s not just something you see on tumblr from random strangers, it’s an actual thing people I know irl experience wowwowowow’... I also came out to another online friend who I was close to, and it felt really amazing... but I could never translate that into actually coming out in real life (not to mention life was kinda shit at this time and I had like 0 friends but hEY, that’s not for now kiddos lol)...

So yeh, I’ve never actually come out to anyone... not properly anyway... I’ve always been very open about my sexuality online, but in real life I’ve never really discussed it with ... anyone? & it’s not because I’m ashamed in anyway, and it’s not even as if I’m that scared I just... I’ve never felt the need to? But after seeing Dan’s video, plus it’s something I’ve been thinking about a lot recently, this is something I really wanna do... see; I was so ready to live life just being ‘straight until I maybe get a girlfriend one day’, so ready to only tell people if they ask me but I just realised... isn’t that partly living a lie? who I’m with doesn’t change my sexuality, so why is it something I’m seemingly so scared of declaring to the world??

I vividly have this memory, before I realised I was bi, and I have no idea of why or when or any of the details, but me and my mum were watching something, and bisexuality was mentioned, and either my mum agreed with, or she said something along the lines of ‘bisexuals are more likely to cheat’, and that’s really stuck with me.... it’s something that’s always nagging in the back of my mind, and it... really fucking hurts lol... I know for a fact my mum will love my regardless of who I end up sleeping with or whatever, she may be pretty conservative in her mindset of things but she’s always willing to be open minded which I really love about her... but knowing this inbuilt stereotype of bisexuality is something she both acknowledges and somewhat agrees with is really... sad...

I’m 21 years old, I’ve been in one relationship in my life which only last a few months and involved no kissing and only occasional hand holding because I was too terrified to do any more (again: subject for aNOTHER day lol), and I know for a goddamn FACT that my sexuality would never make me more likely to be unfaithful to someone I claim to love...I really hate that this is associated with the label, but it’s something I know that I am...  why on earth would I change that or try to be something else when I know that /this/ is me!

I think one of the biggest things putting me off ‘coming out’ is having to explain yourself... like dan howell made a 45 minute long video discussing his own sexuality and experiences cos he knew people wouldn’t just accept it if he just tweeted ‘yo dawgs imma queer lol #swag’ one day, and it feels kinda annoying that queer people/lgbtq+ people feel like we can’t just...... be ourselves without having to justify or explain it?! (even me making this post is solidifying that factor lol... it’s a mess lol)... like I just wanna live my life being bi, is that so much to ask for lol?

I am so so SO grateful we have so much more bi, and lgbtq+ in general, representation in media these days.... it’s goddamn beautiful to see our stories, and the stories of our community being told and cherished by millions, and that’s really gotta be something to rejoice in this pride month!!!

(side note: dan also talks about gender identity & I have literally never related to anything more lol... like 90% of the time I don’t feel like what people classify as ‘womanly’ things... but also I am a woman? idk man lol just call me a formless blob or whatever it was he said lol as a baby no one really knew if I was a girl or boy since my mum mainly dressed me in yellow & I had like 2 strands of hairs on my head lol... damn I miss those days lol)

In conclusion (or tl;dr as I’ve seen the Cool people write on their long posts (yes I had to google what it meant shhhh)):

Hi, my name is Xanthe, my username is ‘dangerliesbeforeyou’ here on tumblr because I made it 7 years ago and I wanted to use a cool sounding harry potter quote so I could come across as sophisticated but also nerdy, I’m a 21 year old female (mostly?) and I am a proud Bisexual...

I’m also single and very ready to mingle if anyone is interested ;;;;;;;;;)

(that’s only half a joke lol... plz romance me I’m v lonely)

[identitycris1s]

im back

hi just thought id pop in with a status update! maybe i’ll break this down into categories. feel like im doing an email update (ew!) but this rly is probs the best way to structure this post...

work / school (?)

work has been....aite. idk what to say. idk if i have unrealistic expectations of what work is supposed to be, but the idealist in me thinks its wrong to not even try and find something that seems meaningful / is deeply fulfilling. i think im mature enough to get that work isnt supposed to be fun / exciting every single day but bro this daily grind / sense of dread / utter disinterest / feeling of futility / frustration / disenchantment surely isnt the correct state of affairs.....at least let me try and find something that is a better fit, thats more stimulating, that feels more NATURAL to me? i just dont think im cut out to be a lawyer. sure i sometimes like arguing and making my point and i like that everyone i work with is smart and interesting and generally kind and reasonable and i like the prestige of the job and feeling like ppl respect me and i like the decent pay and the humane hours but.....i feel unmotivated to be a good lawyer. i think i find it difficult / disingenuous to always 100% get behind my client and advocate for their best interests. i tend to see things from a zoomed out perspective, like WHY are we fighting, WHY cant we just settle, WHY are the claimants pursuing this absolutely crap and unmeritorious claim and WHY do we have to defend it when its stupid and bound to fail (cos access2justice i guess but still, WHY), WHY cant we just hash things out in a meeting instead of sending emails here and there and wasting time, WHY do we have to answer stupid questions, WHY WHY WHY

and i think public policy is sort of an answer to that....i think theres more questioning of why we do things and why a policy will or will not work, in a macro sense - what is good for society at large. whereas in law (at least in litigation) its how can we just move this case forward and help the client, which is often not the most productive thing to do in a macro sense - very much a zero sum game. i get that shitty / unmeritorious claims still need to be defended against and someone has to do it and I GET IT but i just dont think i want to be that person defending these claims...or bringing them for that matter.....ultimately i cant fully / sincerely separate the overarching sense of futility from the duty to do a good job.

sigh. well at least ive kind of figured out this isnt for me. which is scary cos being a lawyer in this firm is pretty much a career for life - truly an iron rice bowl, i could probably make partner in maybe 4 or 5 years and live a comfortable upper middle class life...but i cant bring myself to do that. i cant bring myself to not give myself a shot at doing something i actually find interesting, stimulating and that i care about deeply. call me crazy! we’ll see where this brings me in 5 years’ time....:) 

anyway most ppl at work (at least in my team) know that im most likely gonna leave soon. i rly only told 2 ppl (my boss cos he had to sign off on my testimonial and G cos she was quitting anyway)...but somehow ppl found out one way or another. i dont rly mind and ppl have been taking it pretty well and have been kind and encouraging (i guess why would they not take it well, im hardly indispensable) but i get a bit antsy thinking - what if i dont get in...then what? do i just put my head down and continue here (BUT IM SO SAD) or do i just quit without any prospects and try to find a policy-ish job??

idk. will have faith that God will put me where I need to be. he is in control of it all and I BELIEVE THIS !!! I am just a bit scared that his plan is different from what i  think i want....but this is just my human instinct and i know in my head that there is no reason to be scared cos his plan is always the better one. head knowledge just needs to translate to heart understanding and real trust / faith.

ermmm relationships...???

i started using...cmb...idk why i find this so cringey. i guess about a year ago i couldnt imagine doing this and i kept thinking EW what if ppl i know see me and they think im a desperate saddo who cant find a bf irl and has to resort to an app EW shes so lame and ugly and gross. and i realised that is so stupid no one actually thinks that way and its very backward and dumb and insecure of me to be thinking that. and anyway as i get older i rly dont quite give a shit what ppl think of me (at least i tell myself that....)

i suppose i was also inspired by csm who has been quite actively using apps and meeting ppl and taking real..strides..(LOL) in her dating life. i used to tell myself hey God will provide u with a mans if he wants u to be with a mans. but also God can use an app to do that...and if i dont step out in faith that he will do something and i dont take any action at all, how is God gonna work?? should i sit at home and expect a man to fall into my lap??

for some ppl it has been way easier, e.g. my parents meeting in uni and falling i love. i always wanted that - the organic relationship, the meet-cute, the friends to lovers thing. (i guess i tried that last one before and it didnt work...) but i think theres no point in romanticising relationships anymore. thats a very modern thing to do and its not necessarily a good thing? like who’s to say a relationship that had organic beginnings is intrinsically better than one that started from an app?

anyway i havent had much luck haha i think its hard to find genuine GCBs (or maybe theyre just not attracted to me....) although recently ive been talking to this one guy B for a week or two and its been...ok i guess. hes rly nice and seemed cool at first - we talked about travelling and hamilton and the office, which was a good start. he is thoughtful and kind and doesnt seem to be put off by my very slow replies (he replies so fast......its stressful a bit) and he does the whole good morning text thing (which i frankly find a bit bizarre, we barely know each other..?? and ive never even met him irl.. but its sweet i guess :))

but DUDE his english seems to be not great - at least thats the impression i get from texting him. which is an issue for me. i dont want it to be BUT IT IS...first red flag was when he said some weird thing about not wanting to wear a mask at work (not a literal mask - like he didnt know if he could be his ‘true self’) and the wording was very strange. then he said “the weekends are almost here” ?? the weekend is not a plural though? then he used the wrong tense a few times and his apostrophe usage was wrong (”Gods’ love” - bro there is one God). he also uses way too many commas which irks me.

i mean i get that text is supposed to be an informal medium - come on look at this post, there r hardly any capital letters and plenty of short forms and hardly any apostrophes but u see its CONSISTENT and its obviously cos of laziness / convenience - but i think his problem is a bit different...u can sort of tell if someone doesnt have a 100% strong grasp of english. those r basic grammar mistakes man...i get that i sound petty and stupid and this isnt a huge deal but i feel like im settling by even talking to him cos this is not something i wld normally tolerate but hey maybe im getting desperate with age :(:(:( urgh 

on the other hand maybe i just need to be more generous with ppl and l have an irrationally high standard for english cos i am a lawyer and my friends all speak well / text well?? maybe im just being too nitpicky?? honestly hes very nice  and communicative and straightforward and seems mature and very God-fearing and idk why hes still talking to me cos ive been a bit cold and slow to respond. hes very patient which i dont rly deserve.....i myself have a million flaws that are probably way worse and egregious (ahem PRIDE...ahem ego....ie the source of this dilemma in the first place...) so maybe i should just close one eye abt the bad grammar.

i also realised how fked up i am - confirmed my suspicion that i am naturally attracted to emotionally unavailable ppl / ppl that just seem distant / out of reach (thats my avoidant attachment style right there). i think there was one day he didnt text me at all and omg...i couldnt stop thinking what i did wrong...like did i piss him off by being too cold for too long...did he get scared off cos i said i wanted to do a masters (idk this seemed like an irrational leap but i was being irrational)..then i started being nicer to him and replied more promptly hahaha turns out he was just rly bz at work that day. omg this pattern is real i think i did this with xj also - was eager to speak when he was in japan but after meeting irll i was just over it... (i am drawn to distance like a moth to a flame and i am repelled by availability like....a fire by a fire extinguisher (??)). yucks i rly hate myself sometimes but yknow what at least im self aware and im trying to fix this...kind of.. gonna hash this avoidant thing out with my therapist at the next sesh.

on the topic of xj i got a bit nostalgic and wondered why we stopped speaking (surprise surprise it was my fault, didnt reply then felt it had been left to long to pick it up again...) went back to look at our texts and aw we rly got along so well, i do miss him as a friend and im sorry about how poorly i treated him especially in dec 2018 / jan 2019 sigh.....i was a real bitch....

anyway im just gonna see how things go with B... if he asks me out i prob will go... just to give it a shot. update if / when that happens!

EDIT - he asked me out lol we shall see how it goes. 

[moonlit-void-to-the-far-unknown]

I answered a lot of shit cause i was bored. enjoy or don’t i don’t fucking care

1: Name: Cheynne.

2: Age: 21

3: 3 Fears: Dying alone, never finding actual love, everyone dying but me because of something I could have stopped.

4: 3 things I love: Music, Good movies, Good acting and good accents in movies.

5: 4 turns on: Good smile, Nice eyes, If you look like you could kill me, nice hair

6: 4 turns off: Being a dick, Entitlement, if you act as if I owe you something, not telling me I upset you or did something wrong and then being an actual dick when telling me whats wrong.

7: My best friend: IRL? Myself. Online I have many.

8: Sexual orientation: Asexual panromantic

9: My best first date: Didn’t have one

10: How tall am i: 5’2. 5’3 if I stand up all the way.

11: What do I miss: When I felt true emotions.

12: What time were you born: 3:02pm

13: Favorite color: Black. Because it is the absence of all colors and I just like it,

14: Do I have a crush: On people I know? No. On actors yes. Many.

15: Favorite quote: “never more quoth the raven” and or “all we see or seem is but a dream with in a dream”

16: Favorite place: My bed.

17: Favorite food: Pizza or Chicken

18: Do I use sarcasm: no…none….

19: What am I listening to right now: Barns Courtney “hellfire”

20: First thing I notice in new person: Eyes or How they speak, like volume and tone.

21: Shoe size: 8.5 or a 9 depending

22: Eye color: Greenish hazel

23: Hair color: Natural is like a dark brown

24: Favorite style of clothing: Comfortable, leggings and my hoodie

25: Ever done a prank call?: Not that I can recall

27: Meaning behind my URL: I liked how it sounded in my head

28: Favorite movie: Currently…jeez…uh either CA:CW or CA:WS

29: Favorite song: Gasoline by Halsey

30: Favorite band: Don’t have one currently

31: How I feel right now: Dead inside…like normal

32: Someone I love: Love is very hard for me cause of things

33: My current relationship status: Single

34: My relationship with my parents: ummmmmmmmm Emotionally destroying. My father(s) can fuck off. And my mom is just a whole can of worms

35: Favorite holiday: Halloween

36: Tattoos and piercing I have: I have 2 tattoos one on my back and one on my wrist. I had my labret and my nose at one point.

37: Tattoos and piercing I want: *shrugs* idk man

38: The reason I joined Tumblr: Cause I hated myself. Idk actually it was in like 2012 so

39: Do I and my last ex hate each other?: We don’t speak so

40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts?: Hahahaha you act like I have IRL friends and family who actually care. no

41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted?: My mother..yes

42: When did I last hold hands?: 2-3 years ago

43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning?: less then 5 minutes

44: Have I shaved your legs in the past three days?: yep

45: Where am I right now?: My house. On my bed

46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me?: Myself.

47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level?: depends on what I am doing or where I am.

48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad?: Fuck no. thank god

49: Am I excited for anything?: Um Avengers: IW, Season 3 of Animal Kingdom, and Joe coles newest movie.

50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to?: No

51: How often do I wear a fake smile?: every time I leave the house.

52: When was the last time I hugged someone?: Last Friday, One of my bosses left the store I work at.

53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me?: Ew. I don’t like having to see my mom kiss her boyfriend.

54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not?: Yes and No

55: What is something I disliked about today?: Waking up to some shitty shit.

56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?: Finn and Joe Cole o I could tell them they are actually so amazing at every role they do. Sebastian Stan. And Bill Skarsgard

57: What do I think about most?: Fanfic ideas

58: What’s my strangest talent?: I can do a weird thing with my middle fingers.

59: Do I have any strange phobias?: Holes in things. But only sometimes

60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?: Behind

61: What was the last lie I told?: Idk honestly

62: Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?: Online

63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens?: Yes, and Yes

64: Do I believe in magic?: I mean if I didn’t my witch sisters would be a little peeved at me.

65: Do I believe in luck?: Yes

66: What’s the weather like right now?: grey and rainy

67: What was the last book I’ve read?: smoke gets in your eyes: tales from the crematory.

68: Do I like the smell of gasoline?: yes

69: Do I have any nicknames?: yes

70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had?: I worked in a deli and my hand slipped one night and I needed 6 stitches. My finger is forever warped from it

71: Do I spend money or save it?: both

72: Can I touch my nose with a tongue?: nope

73: Is there anything pink in 10 feet from me?: yep sissors

74: Favorite animal?: Sloth,

75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM?: watching “redlight” Cillian Murphy in that movie. Hes amazing

76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is?: Well he is just a fallen angel right, god cast him down and all archangels have no last name so.

77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it?: You are my sunshine.

78: How can you win my heart?: Understand my past is very fucked up and in such has caused me to become a very unemotional and uncaring person at times.

79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone?: Finally

80: What is my favorite word?: Cunt

81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr: @roman-ova @imaginesoverreality @animalkingdom-anonymous @bookofreid and so many more so

82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say?: Fuck off

83: Do I have any relatives in jail?: Yes

84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power?: Teleportation.

85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on?: How people really feel about me.

86: What is my current desktop picture?: A gif of Pietro from AOU

87: Had sex?: Nope

88: Bought condoms?: nope

89: Gotten pregnant?: nope

90: Failed a class?: many

91: Kissed a boy?: yes

92: Kissed a girl?: a few

93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain?: nope

94: Had job?: yep a few

95: Left the house without my wallet?: yes

96: Bullied someone on the internet?: when I was young and very dumb

97: Had sex in public?: Nope

98: Played on a sports team?: Only in PE and I wanted to die

99: Smoked weed?: Nope

100: Did drugs?: Nope

101: Smoked cigarettes?: yes

102: Drank alcohol?: yes

103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan?: Nope

104: Been overweight?: Still am bitch, hypothyroidism is a whore

105: Been underweight?: nope

106: Been to a wedding?: Yes.

107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight?: every day

108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight?: yeah

109: Been outside my home country?: yep

110: Gotten my heart broken?: yep

111: Been to a professional sports game?: yes, hockey, basketball, and baseball

112: Broken a bone?: nope,

113: Cut myself?: I self harmed for 9 years so

114: Been to prom?: yep

115: Been in airplane?: yes

116: Fly by helicopter?: Nope.

117: What concerts have I been to?: Warped tour 2011, blood on the dance floor like twice.

118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex?: Bitch….every day

119: Learned another language?: Yes German 1 and 2 in high school

120: Wore make up?: yep

121: Lost my virginity before I was 18?: nope still am bitch

122: Had oral sex?: nope

123: Dyed my hair?: yes. All the time

124: Voted in a presidential election?: yep in the…2016..

125: Rode in an ambulance?: over 12 times

126: Had a surgery?: yes 2.

127: Met someone famous?: Yeah one of the guys from La ink and a few authors

128: Stalked someone on a social network?: yeah…who hasnt

129: Peed outside?: yes

130: Been fishing?: yes

131: Helped with charity?: yeah

132: Been rejected by a crush?: every time

133: Broken a mirror?: yes

134: What do I want for birthday?: My family to actually give a shit about me.

[peinde]

I'll try to give solid answers.

1) Sexuality? Pansexual. ((same 2) If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? Ariana Grande, moby, if only to quell t)(e rumours t)(at we look alike. ((IDK i don’t really have anyone 3) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17. ”She arches )(er body like a cat on a stretc)(. She nuzzles )(er cunt into my face like a filly at t)(e gate. S)(e smells of the sea.” ((i don’t have any books near me ;n; 4) What do you think about most? My wife. ((adult cartoon TV wives, or if i’m angry, Bold and the Beautiful 5) What does your latest text message from someone else say? ”H3Y B4B3 W3R3 OUT OF PIZZ4 ROLLS >:[” ((”hey hun call me ASAP pls” 6) Do you sleep with or without clothes on? Wit)(out. ((with. i need to be ready to outrun zombies in the Canadian winter 7) What's your strangest talent? I can do voice impressions! ((i can’t make impressions, but i can make voices 8) Girls.... (finish the sentence); Boys.... (finish the sentence) Girls don’t like boys, girls like cars and money~! Boys will laug)( at girls w)(en t)(ey’re not funny~! ((honestly...same 9) Ever had a poem or song written about you? A couple of times... ((nah 10) When is the last time you played the air guitar? Just now w)(en I answered number 8. ((same 11) Do you have any strange phobias? No? ((a TON 12) Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose? Yes, but only twelve times! ((no??? 13) What's your religion? Dick. (i’m technically Christian 14) If you are outside, what are you most likely doing? Working, doing c)(ores, doing )(obbies, visiting friends or )(itting t)(e town. ((going to school or going to work 15) Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? In front. ((both 16) Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band? Don’t ever ask me t)(is again. ((i guess Mother Mother, but there are quite a few 17) What was the last lie you told? ... ((i can’t remember 18) Do you believe in karma? No. ((yes 19) What does your URL mean? I keysmas)(ed, because I didn’t know w)(at to type. ((it’s Peixes + Grande but that’s only OOC knowledge 20) What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength? My greatest weakness is me wit)(out my wife. My greatest strengt)( is my wife. ((my greatest weakness: my lack of motivation. my strength: my ability to dream 21) Who is your celebrity crush? Jason Momoa! ((Kat Dennings 22) Have you ever gone skinny dipping? Yup! ((nope! 23) How do you vent your anger? I tell me wife everyfin. ((hahaha, i don’t

24) Do you have a collection of anything? You could say t)(at... ((not really? 25) Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? P)(one. ((neither OMG 26) Are you happy with the person you've become? ... ((yeah. i mean i could be a lot worse off 27) What's a sound you hate; sound you love? I don’t like nails on a c)(alkboard, but I do like nails tapping on a table. ((i fucking hate children crying, but i like anything that can basically be “white noise”, like the hum of a vacuum, or the working of a portable heater 28) What's your biggest "what if"? I don’t want to talk about t)(is. ((i don’t really think about those? i mean they didn’t happen. best to just move on 29) Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens? Believe in? I mean yea)( sure. T)(ey’re everyw)(ere. T)(ey’re real w)(et)(er I believe in t)(em or not... ((yes and yes 30) Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm. I’m grasping air. Now, I’m touc)(ing my wife’s face. ((i touched my metal storage thingy. then the wall 31) Smell the air. What do you smell? My wife’s farts. ((nothing. just the way i like it 32) What's the worst place you have ever been to? )(ig)(sc)(ool. ((any public washroom ever 33) Choose East Coast or West Coast? West! ((East!!! 34) Most attractive singer of your opposite gender? Does t)(e Rock count as a singer? ((IDK i used to have a crush on Pete Wentz 35) To you, what is the meaning of life? My wife. ((my Christian ass says God

36) Define Art. Out of my league. 38/ ((a necessity to man 37) Do you believe in luck? No. ((yes 38) What's the weather like right now? Sunny! ((rainy 39) What time is it? 8:23 PM ((11:23 PM 40) Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed? No, and yes. ((no, and no 41) What was the last book you read? I’m currently reading Written on t)(e Body! ((i think it was a Sophie Kinsella book? 42) Do you like the smell of gasoline? Yes! ((yes 43) Do you have any nicknames? Lots of people call me “Fef”. ((i have many IRL nicknames, but everyone knows me by Tori 44) What was the last movie you saw? Fifty S)(ades Freed (illegally, obviously. I’m not paying for t)(at drivel.) ((Devil 45) What's the worst injury you've ever had? I’ve died, does t)(at count? ((i fell off the monkey bars at age 8 and landed right on my back 46) Have you ever caught a butterfly? Yes! ((no :( 47) Do you have any obsessions right now? I )(ave many, t)(e most important being my wife. ((i guess? i’m always obsessed with something 48) What's your sexual orientation? Wasn’t t)(is asked before? ((yeah 49) Ever had a rumor spread about you? Yes... ((yes... 50) Do you believe in magic? Again, it’s real, so yea)(. ((yup! 51) Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong? Nope! ((Fef you fucking liar yes you do. and yes i do 52) What is your astrological sign? Cancer! ((Pisces!!! 53) Do you save money or spend it? Spend. ((both 54) What's the last thing you purchased? Pizza rolls for my wife. ((a bracelet off Aliexpress 55) Love or lust? Love! ((love 56) In a relationship? Yes! ((nope! 57) How many relationships have you had? I lost count. ((1 58) Can you touch your nose with your tongue? Yes! ((nope! 59) Where were you yesterday? At work. ((at home 60) Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you? Yes! ((yup! 61) Are you wearing socks right now? No? ((yup! 62) What's your favorite animal? My princesses...plus you know, t)(e entire ocean. ((any sea creature 63) What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you? Kindness! ((oh i don’t give a fuck 64) Where is your best friend? Doing activities you s)(ould NOT be questioning. ((online...talking to me 65) Spit or swallow?(; Swallow, you coward! ((i’ve never had the opportunity to do either 66) What is your heritage? Alternian! ((i’m black Caribbean 67) What were you doing last night at 12 AM? 38;3c ((i was on this hellsite 68) What do you think is Satan's last name? Natas??? ((meanie-bo-beanie 69) Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off? Obviously??? ((obviously??? 70) Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend? Yea)(! ((sure, why not? it’d mean i’ll know someone who shares my musical interests 71) You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do? I’ve never been late to work? Plus, it’s a legitimate reason??? ((i’ve worked at my job for far too long and have rarely ever been late, especially too rarely for her to keep track. this argument would be completely baseless. also, it’s a legitimate reason??? 72) You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid? It’d probubbly be fake, so no I wouldn’t say anyfin. I’d just wait until I could revive, and no I wouldn’t be afraid, you fucking coward. ((i’d tell everyone, IDK what i’d do. probably pray, sleep maybe, oh i’d be terrified 73) You can only have one of these things; trust or love. 38( ((trust 74) What's a song that always makes you happy when you hear it? Be Alrig)(t by Ariana Grande ((Arizona Highway by the Darcys 75) What are the last four digits in your cell phone number? 3838 ((i’m not telling you??? 76) In your opinion, what makes a great relationship? Being in one like mine and Zi-Zi’s ((communication 77) How can I win your heart? --Exist. ((LOOOL good luck buddy 78) Can insanity bring on more creativity? It sure can! ((i guess! 79) What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far? Getting married. ((going to therapy 80) What size shoes do you wear? 6 ((10 81) What would you want to be written on your tombstone? “Finally”. ((”i’ll be back” 82) What is your favorite word? Glub! ((intricate 83) Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart. Zi-Zi. ((organs 84) What is a saying you say a lot? Glub! ((”for fuck’s sake” 85) What's the last song you listened to? Girls and Boys by Good C)(arlotte ((same 86) Basic question; what's your favorite color/colors? Baby pink, lig)(t blue, lilac, mint green. ((rose gold, burgundy, olive, turquoise, black, eggplant, fuchsia 87) What is your current desktop picture? Zi-Zi. ((on my laptop? default mountains. on my PC? Mother Mother 88) If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be? ??? I don’t know! ((Donald Trump, probably 89) What would be a question you'd be afraid to tell the truth on? ...t)(ere are a lot. ((”are you straight” 90) One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren't really doing anything, they're just standing around your bed. What do you do? Go back to sleep. ((flip TF out and run 91) You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what's even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power? W)(at would I want t)(at I don’t already )(ave? ((flight 92) You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again? Being revived. ((??? none of it? leave that shit in the past my dude 93) You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? --Everyfin from t)(e time I was revived onward. ((what did i just say? 94) You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be? T)(ere are so many options... ((??? 95) You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go? New Zealand! ((Paris 96) Do you have any relatives in jail? I mig)(t, w)(o knows. ((probably 97) Have you ever thrown up in the car? Yup! ((no, but i almost did! 98) Ever been on a plane? Yup! ((yup! 99) If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say? Most of t)(e fins I already say. ((”i can’t wait for the apocalypse”

[eternal-bangtan]

So long story short I was a really big fan of bts for awhile but I got bored of them when boy with luv came out, didn’t listen to it that much but it grew on me. Tonight my mom called me into her room bc bts was on James Corden and it made me realize that idk I’ve kinda felt empty without them. The point of this: I don’t really like one of the members. I don’t wanna say because I know the backlash for this member would be awful. I don’t know what to do bc I always hear Stan one of none. Plz help

holy shit i never thought that i can get an ask like this and i dont even know if im the right person or can explain properly dhdjdjdd but im gonna just say my thoughts ok? maybe they will help u maybe they wont we r all different and need different approaches right

to me personally the idea of ‘stan ot7’ is a whole realization that everything matters and without 7 members/fans/some dumb shit/whatever happened good or bad there wouldnt be bts we know and that member u may not like is also as huge part of this path as other members without this one member at some point there could not be bts at all its a short version of my thoughts

i dont wanna sound too loud or weird rn but every time people say ‘i read the lyrics and that song spoke to me oh it helped oh this song helped me to accept and love myself oh this song made me cry cuz this is the way i felt too this cured my depression this gave me strength etc’ if everything didnt happen the way it did (aka 7 members complicated path a lot of shit but also good things) there wouldnt be these comments from ppl all over the world there wouldnt be songs wouldnt be uh lets call them saved fans cuz as i saw many people discovered them when they felt really bad and their songs and lyrics and messages helped them

so about not liking one member

1 when i first discovered bts and watched my first mv (ok even before that and when i only saw one clip of bts randomly without knowing them) i had a bias already and he made me dig a little deeper and when i decided to have a blog on tumblr at first i was following only blogs about this member and no one else and thought meh i only liked him why should i follow someone else related blogs rn 🤷‍♂️ and i didnt know how the whole kpop wolrd worked at that time lol

2 after some time i got used to them but felt a little strange about couple members i just couldnt get them i was puzzled and careful

3 after some more time i watched a lot of content i read some things and oK i got a whole ass knowledge (idk how many months passed) about every member and i remember having a ‘oh my god i love him so much hes such an amazing human being and makes my heart melt’ thingy with every memberrr at some point but it happened gradually

but in ur case u were a big fan as u say before idk for how long idk how old r u idk what kind of person r u so this may be a little harder

so what do i think about not liking one member

we all r very different and our surroundings r very different and our minds too and our preferences etc etc etc and if u think about it as not a kpop situation it would be normal right dhsjdj but we r here talking about kpop and it has some rules so,,, i will continue i personally tried to get to know those members a little more and better to understand them to know what do they feel and how do they treat others or how others treat these members and what r their roles etc and even if i didnt like some idk lets say ‘habits’ after some time i just accepted these ‘habits’ like a part of their personality u know? but yeah at this point i think of them as a family hdjdjdjd after stuff they have been through and how they all supported each other,,, idk its so precious to me its huge and important maybe im a lil oversensitive or empathic but i get it a little and appreciate that they became the way they r today ( while im writing all of this somehow THE EDINGING OF WE R BULLETPROOF ETERNAL KEEPS PLAYING IN MY HEAD AND IM ALMOST A SOBBING MESS) idk how it works but with bts u r breaking ur own principles and it makes sth inside of u expand and be more open minded and mentally flexible

but yO recently in their interviews they mentioned how hard it is ( i think it was hoseok i even took a screenshot oNE SEC) here it is

cr to op

so as u see its a normal thing and even they got used to each other after some time 🤷‍♂️ (i mean not from the beginning and they needed that t i m e to learn and grow up and accept etc) and ITS REALLY PRECIOUS THAT THEY R AT THIS POINT RN THAT THEY LOVE EACH OTHER SO MUCH it makes me think a lot about me and my friends and rethink some shit or the way i behave 😔

but wait was ur question ‘how do i accept the fact that everyone says love ot7 and i love ot6’ or ‘how do i love that seventh member’

ok about first question even tho i dont like solos etc even tho im ot7 i can say that people love to generalize anyway or love to attack or make assumptions so if u r not thinking anything bad about that member or not discrediting him and u r really realizing his huge role in their group and u just not a big fan of his ‘personality’ i think its not awful cuz we may not like some certain things in people and it happens esp irl with ppl 🤔 but if u r that type of ot6 like ‘ugh when will ______ quIT I H8TE HIM HES ABSOLUTELY POINTLESS’ its not good cuz well h8ing is the most self destructing thing lol and well wishing that someone should quit is also bad (and im saying this not from fans point of view) and should i even explain why

if its about second question hm u know after the beginning of this path of stanning bts and this fandom i faced many of my inner demons all of a sudden and after realizing whats the reason whats the source of those demons and after some work with them i felt a lot better and freer and relieved,, what if after accepting this seventh member and starting liking him too u will feel better too? what if its about having an inner conflict i really mean it think about ‘what do i not like about him/ why do i not like this or that/ is this that bad/ what if i liked ___ about him even tho i never liked this ever in my life/can i change the way i feel about it/ etc’ maybe u have this question in ur head rn cuz it meant to happen and u meant to work with ur inner state through this ?

i truly believe in few things 1 everything happens for the better (even tho realization can hit after many years) 2 everything happens in the best timing (for this thing! in ur life and u r ready for it) 3 if u dont like something and cant get rid of it just change ur reaction/perseption whatever that word is saying this from my own experience and there r more but dhhdhd

so at first just think about it if u need u can write it down somewhere it will help u to get to know urself better as well

ok maybe its not that deep but for quite some time whenever something bothers me i write it down to the notes starting from what happened what do i feel what exactly made me feel like this and why and what can i do to feel better

fr everyone can think of everything like ‘its not that deep’ but at the end of the day literally everything even little thing can help us with our mental state (after some work ofc) we better not underesetimate this world and things that happen to us 😔😔😔

also i wanna apologize for couple things english is not my first language so i tried my best but ofc there r typos and yes i dont have a habit of using punctuation i hope its not a big problem to u 😔