#like idk I see posts so often like ‘oh wow so now people are [insane shitty thing with no proof]’

[chewwytwee]

The internet loves to make a single shitty person who thinks some reprehensible shit into a massive movement of ‘people’ who all believe the shitty thing

[rarepairnation]

hi abby!! you love talking abt your fics? well, as it happens, i LOVE listening to people talk abt their fics *high-fives you* so hereee u go: 8, 17, 23, 24, 33 and 40 :)

hiiii ria thank you <333 [high fives you back] this is a beautiful synergy we are living...sorry this took me several days i just kept not having a shareable last line. for every we're so back there is always an it's so over. we're here now and that's what matters LOL

8. share the last line that you wrote

you have kept me waiting, my lord steward, she says when his footsteps stop, his reflection hovering just out of reach of her mirror.

well this is NOT umbar fic OR condolences congratulations. one day i will learn to finish one thing before i start another. but it is set in a slightly alternate version of the same reality. this is the crazy forty years later everyone lives au where aragorn is king and denethor is his steward and finduilas is actually the one running the place. it’s just an excuse for me to write “what if we made our healthy loving political marriage a messier and more political v-shape because you just HAD to officially get back together with your situationship from when you were 25 and oh he just HAPPENS to be the king.” they are shockingly functional about it (i do not know if i could call it healthy. but it is Incredibly High-Functioning and They Are Having Fun. so who am i to stop them!). conceptually/vibes-wise this is the result of my mind stirring around "their wives know the steward serves the king, and sometimes that goes beyond matters of state" (like truly...WHOA boy. that knocked me flat. @bretwalda-lamnguin i WILL respond to that post eventually i have things to say they just have to marinate a little longer) + regent!finduilas as a concept and an Energy + finduilas's general pure concentrated "i can fix him" beam + also going on a tangent off of anna @potatoesandsunshine's "our marriage is already bad enough what if we ruined someone else's life with it" theory. and this came out.

17. what is your favourite trope to write

NAMES AND TITLES AND MANNERS OF ADDRESS BABY!!! that shit is like drugs for me. whenever i'm messing around with it i feel like i am at the very height of caring about and understanding my own work i KNOW that sounds obnoxious as hell but like. aghhhhh. im in there THINKING. about specifically when and where and how one manner of address might shift to another and whether that is different inside the narration and out loud and what each name and title means in which situation. yeah im normal about hierarchies why do you ask.

23. where do you usually write

my beloved local coffeeshop down the street from my apartment! i am there as i write this. my regular barista often makes fun of me bc he sees me running for the train in the morning bc i am perpetually late for work. unfortunately the earliest i can make it out of the house in the evening is 7 and they close at 9 but it’s a good two hours. then it’s off to my friends’ apartment (they’re my downstairs neighbours i basically also live there) for like another two hours. yeah i do this every day. i am aware i am insane but it is the only way i get anything done.

24. which fic do you think is your funniest

hmm. i feel like im not often intending to be particularly funny. wait no its definitely open arms. “sokka, panicking: you like guys!” is literally in the description. i wrote it bc of a shitpost. WOW that is possibly the throwback of all time. that’s like the first fic i wrote back when i started getting really Good at writing because i was wildly hyperfixated on avatar and it was covid and i wrote 100k in a year. well well well

33. which of your fic titles is your favourite

ok i did do this one but im gonna give a runner up. TO THE VERY DEAR MEMORY OF [ ] is a personal fave for sure bc it's. idk nontraditional? well it's based off of this image and it took me a long time of testing different things before i figured out a way to appropriately represent that erasure of the name on the headstone by the water...the sensation that there Used to be something there, that there was Supposed to be something there, but all that is left is the water. and i'm very pleased by the effect of the brackets and how it looks on the ao3 page. it just brings me a lot of joy to let myself kind of fuck around and do whatever i think is cool. im trying so so so hard to internalize "get weird with it!" and its the baby steps out here.

40. pick one of your fics and share a quote to go with it (not a quote from the fic, but an outside quote that fits)

ooh ok a throwback. race for a hurricane (speaking of the titles/names/manners of address trope this is my BEST execution of it) + "the french have a saying: the fate of glass is to break. maybe the fate of spies is to just fade away. but with any luck, we leave something behind" -spectre, 2015. im getting that last line tattooed someday.

fic writer asks

[skitskatdacat63]

Ramble abt stupid online shit :)

Every once in a while, aka often, I think about how toxic people on tiktok are. I guess mainly how different it is to how I remember the internet general vibe being, before the pandemic I'd say. Of course people have always been toxic but. The way bullying and brigading is encouraged and commonplace there really freaks me out! Thinking today about one particular drama I remember, because the person involved just posted after a while, and it got dredged up from my memory. It goes like this.

This artist who randomly got very popular/became a tiktok darling posted a tutorial on how they render. Neat! Some random person literally copies it point blank, literally the same exact drawing. Understandably, to me, the op gets pissed off, because again, this person is literally copying their art piece directly. Basically almost the whole entire "art community" starts piling on OP. "You made a tutorial, what did you expect!?" which then, of course, turns into: "op's art was never really good anyways" "your art is ugly and unoriginal," "oh wow you think your style is unique??" Etc. There even was a trend of everyone copying and making fun of their art style. Basically end up bullying op offline. And forcing them to apologize over and over again. For god forbid, not wanting people to directly copy their art!?!?! And even now, when they're back after a while, there's still comments shitting on them and their art. Even though I don't think they should've had to apologize for what, in my opinion, was valid, it's like even though they did, it still doesn't matter to some people.

From my perspective as an artist, when someone posts a tutorial on rendering or coloring or any other thing. That doesn't give you full license to directly copy their art piece??? They are literally just showing their process, in hopes that someone might learn something from watching it. Sometimes I'll see tutorials, and see that people do some minor, little thing, and I'm like OH *writes down.* Not, oh let me copy their entire drawing, and literally not think for myself. I don't think it's bad necessarily to study someone's art style, right, but at the same time, I feel like it's understandable the op might be a little uncomfortable with it??? Someone posting their exact same drawing, not even minutely different??? I'd probably be extremely put off 😭

But yeah. The way people turned on the OP so quickly was crazy. As I said, now suddenly shitting on their art and style, that had been so praised before. I wish I could come in, as an adult, and be like....guys. I guess I feel like I always remember there being soooooo much drama over people accusing literally everyone of copying art styles. Even just little simple details. But now suddenly it's a sin to say, uh hey, this person copied my art and I'm not comfortable with that??? Idk I feel like people have no boundaries or courtesy or manners online these days. *cue old man Catie shaking fist at cloud* But no yeah, I feel my eye twitching when I think about how people took the tutorial as full license to directly copy that op's art. It would've been one thing if they drew something of their own, in a similar style to OP's, like wow Inspiration! But to directly copy the same drawing point blank? Insane to me. TUTORIALS ARE SUPPOSED TO BE A GUIDE, A LITTLE HELPER, NOT SOMETHING YOU DIRECTLY COPY. At least, that's what they are to me! Cause you should at least try and think for yourself!!

Anyways. I am never posting my art on tiktok, that's a hell I never want to voluntarily put myself in.

[parachutingkitten]

Y'all suck at dissecting Kai's character, so I guess I have to do it.

And I'm not even a Kai stan. He's a bottom tier ninja for me, which I guess means you can trust me, cuz I'm not biased, but also why am I the one doing this? I don't know about y'all, but recently on my dash, the method by which Kai fans try to make him sound good is... saying the writers hate him, ignore him, and that he isn't written well? Which... I mean there is a little bit of truth to, but like yikes guys, is this the best you got? Kai is a wonderful character with plenty of attention from the writers, a meaningful piece of the cast when put in secondary rolls, fairly consistent character writing with actual progression and valuable qualities that help the team without having to be the smart one- despite what some posts might tell you.

Let's get one thing cleared up: Ninjago isn't the best written show. By high level Hollywood standards, most the character arcs are kinda weak or too heavy handed, character consistency can be iffy, and most things serve the plot rather than the characters. There is no character you can point to and say "wow, this character is written so well! No complaints!" Nya and Jay were butchered by their weird love plot, Cole's one season doesn't actually give him an arc, Zane's been nothing but the robot numbers guy for like 10 seasons now, and Lloyd seems to be incapable of doing anything but relive the same one piece of dad angst for depth. Sorry, it's true. All the characters suck when you look at it from a large scale writing perspective. So when I say Kai is well written, I mean by ninjago kids show standards- cuz that's the scale we're working on. No, you couldn't drop Kai into a well written drama, but as far as ninjago goes... he's got a lot going for him, and by no means is he the biggest victim of poor writing.

(fair warning, wall of text below)

The title is a bit disingenuous. There are plenty of good Kai character break downs. What I am presenting here is a more positive perspective. On the whole, I will tend to give the writers the benefit of the doubt, and credit for what they do right writing is hard guys. That's what I'm doing here. I don't see much sense in getting mad the writers on behalf of Kai, or any other character. Ninjago is a simplistic ensemble show that works because of the identifiable simplicity of its main characters with some deeper layers hidden underneath if you keep watching. They've given us a damn good show with some damn enjoyable characters, so here are some criticisms I feel are a little flawed:

First, let's get the 'focus' thing out of the way. Apparently there are people saying Kai doesn't have a season yet? Which... what? I mean, I get that the pilots aren't a full season, the first two seasons, though he is the central protagonist, aren't "Kai seasons" as we've come to define ninja focus seasons, season 7, though he gets majority focus, he shares with his sister. But like... did y'all just forget about season 4? You know, the season where he had the title card, was on the box sets, got the love interest, and the majority of the A-plot? not to mention it's the best season don't @ me Like... if season 4 isn't a Kai season, I can make a damn good argument that season 3 isn't a Zane season, and I doubt anyone wants to go down that rabbit hole. I really can't wrap my head around this one. And I get that the fandom hates season 11 for some reason, but like you can't just pretend it doesn't exist. Kai has a consistent arc across 30 episodes in which he takes his powers for granted, loses them, and learns that, not only does he have value within the team without them, but that his element is intrinsically a part of him that he reclaims, bringing them back more powerful than ever, and with new respect for them. That's one of the most solid arcs in the whole series- the location is even thematically connected to his element. That's some good stuff right there! (Quick plug for season 11 if you haven't watched it in a while. Give it a rewatch, you might be pleasantly surprised)

Not to mention the writers give him fun side stuff all the time. Lots of fears of tech and water to overcome, a deep protective streak with Lloyd, becoming a chancellor, having a true potential actually relevant to the plot as a whole, blacksmith responsibilities, befriending dragons, hanging out with his dad. Not to mention actual focus stuff we haven't talked about yet, like his whole "my dad is evil" phase, and his "I might be evil" phase with him and Skylor. And on top of that, even when he doesn't have an explicit side plot, he's always just a fun and dynamic side character to make jokes or give exposition.

Now, into character stuff. Let's start with Kai's hot headed-ness. Some people say he's been loosing this quality, and I will admit, that's true! But those that claim this makes him inconsistent... I strongly disagree. In early seasons, Kai's temper would lead him to snap at his friends or make stupid decisions that set the team back (see episode 2 Zane freak out)- these are bad things. These are character flaws, yes? Now, in newer seasons, people say that he's inconsistent, cuz sometimes he'll be hot headed, and sometimes he won't. I'd say, this is exactly how being hot headed... works? It flares up without warning, and as an individual gets control of it, it'll pop up less and less often because they're channeling it into productive things - like say directing the anger towards an enemy (see season 11 end freak out). Kai has gained control of a character flaw, and though it still pops up on occasion, the fact that it's a once in a while kind of thing speaks to his growth. I have a little brother who has this exact personality, and watching him grow up, I can tell you, this is how it is. He used to snap all the time, and he still does sometimes, but much less frequently, because he's a more mature person with better control of his emotions. This is a good thing. This is overcoming personal flaws. This is progression we're seeing.

And while you're hyper focused on this one aspect of him, things like his cocky confidence haven't changed a bit. I mean, that season 3 bit between him and Pixal, and his season 11 "fire maker" streak have the exact same energy. You can not convince me otherwise.

Another adjacent quality that hasn't been dampened is Kai's impulsiveness. This can be a good quality of his, he'll get into a fight without thinking, getting the jump on the enemy. Good stuff. But, this has become such a well defined trait of Kai's that it has been used in a comedic capacity. This is what happens when a character is extremely consistent to the extent that both the audience and the characters in universe would be able to predict their actions. Kai's impulsivity used to be a more serious quality that put himself and others at risk, and was a big power move whenever he did something rash, but it's become such a staple of the show that it's now being used for comedy. That isn't Kai's impulsivity going away, that's Kai's impulsivity being recontextualized for the sake of the show. The season 9 "Who's stupid enough to jump on that thing" isn't a joke at the expense of Kai just for being dumb, it's a joke at Kai's being so predictably impulsive that everyone already knows he'll be the one to put himself in an insane amount of danger without thinking twice (you know, something stupid that might get him killed). But because in this instance, the danger is warranted, this is bravery. It's a complement to his character- it's what ends up defeating the colossus. Why are some people so bothered by this joke?

Oh right, cuz for some reason people want to peg Kai as the smart one? Look, Kai isn't stupid, none of the ninja are. All of them have smart moments (all of them have dumb ones too) and Kai can certainly handle himself, but "smart" is definitely not one of his defining characteristics- I think some people are confusing smart for his actual strength. Connected to his impulsivity, Kai has very good simplistic instincts. He sees the big picture and looks at the most surface level solution- which when the situation calls for it, that does indeed make him smart. But the same logic that led him to think "This snake has a glowing target on its head, lets hit it" also led him to think "I'm in a video game, therefore I am immortal." Are you really going to look at me and say he figured out Lloyd was the green ninja through logical deduction and a careful consideration of the facts? No. He had a gut feeling, and he trusted it. Instincts- instincts paired with his impulsive following of said instincts is what leads him to solve problems- and sometimes, that can be extremely effective. This goes for other ninja too. Jay isn't the smartest ninja- I would really only classify Zane and Nya as having intelligence define them (hence their ship name). But Jay is extremely creative and crafty. He also knows his was around mechanics, and as such, this will lead him to come up with creative tech based solutions which are smart. But, idk about you, if I had to point to another ninja as being 'dumb' it would 100% be Jay. Kai is a lot of things. He's passionate and determined and confident and persistent. He's a good improvisor, he's powerful and he's charming! These are all wonderful qualities, he doesn't also have to be the smart one. I am the worlds biggest Pixal stan, and she's a smart, sassy, powerful character, but I'm not gonna sit here and tell you she's also hilarious and adaptable and strong willed. She's a straight man to all the ninja's antics, extremely tied to her samurai x suit, and lets people push her around all the time. That doesn't mean she can't be funny, or self interested, but when she does act these ways, it stems from her other more prominent qualities. That make sense?

And while we're clearing up what Kai isn't, please stop characterizing Kai as an overly protective brother - especially romantically. The only two times he's been romantically protective to Nya are in Wu's Teas which I mean, come on and in the pilots when Jay is literally a stranger. For crying out loud, by the end of the pilot, he's smiling when Jay and Nya hug. That's not overly protective, that's just normal, any reasonable person would react this way, protective. And it's such a great stereotype break for a kids show like ninjago, having an older brother who actually trusts his younger sister to be her own independent person who can make her own decisions. I mean, I guess it's fine if you HC differently but like... idk, I don't buy it.

Now, is there still room to criticize the writers? Yes. Hell yes. But not to an extent greater than any other character. Could he have had more of a defined reaction to events of the most recent season that I won't name for the sake of spoilers? Yes. But could Zane have reacted for more than .5 seconds at being an evil war lord for apparently 60 years? Yeah. Has Kai taken a back seat in the past 4 seasons? Yeah. But so has Lloyd- and he's literally the main character of the show. Not to mention two of those seasons have gone to people who had to wait over ten seasons to get one to themselves, and one of them is a 40 minute special. Kai's doing just fine.

Anyway. Kai is great. He's a fun, stereotype breaking, impulsively driven, ball of energy and confidence who gets a good amount of screen time and some fun side plots.

One last thing to clear up: no hate to anyone. This isn't targeted at anyone specific, this post has been a long time coming, I've just seen some weird overblown claims on various platforms over the past few months and I finally sat down to write about it.

I like the Kai content we have. After all, if the writers were really that bad at writing him, then no one would like him.

Wow this was so much longer than I thought it would be. Um... if you have other long winded rants you'd like to see from me... let me know I guess?

[sleeping-on-cracking-ice]

NO REQUESTS FOR STRAY KIDS OR NCT??? HERE I AM. Well more for Stray Kids cause I don't really now NCT that well 😂 I actually just got a reaaally random idea for a reaction?? Do you do them? I guess I saw it in your masterlists but I'm not sure, if not then maybe you can just do something else with that idea idk do whatever inspires you?? 😅 Can you write their reactions to their s/o not liking to be taken in photo? Like they hate taking poses and selfies are their nightmare? And they always find a way to make weird faces or hide their face whenever they're being photographed? (I always do that and it makes my mom and close friends getting insane 😂) First random request, thank you so much already! As always I love your blog a lot 🥰 (omg that ask is so long sorry for that 😅)

Hahaha yesss!!! Finally a request for a reaction 😆 I’ve wanted to write one for so long but no one has asked for it until now. Thanks so much!! 💕💕

Stray Kids | Their S/O hates having their photo taken

{Stray Kids Masterlist}

-Bang Chan-

Chan would notice it right away

He loves taking pictures and videos of his S/O, so this habit of theirs would drive him insane

He at first wouldn’t think much of it and brush the subject off a bit

But after seeing them do it more often, he would get a bit upset

Like he wants nothing more than to take a cute picture with his S/O

He would be afraid that they were feeling insecure about themselves and always reassure them that they’re gorgeous/handsome

He would get so happy though if he takes a photo without them hiding their face/pulling a silly face

Would gush for ages about how pretty they look

“Oh my god you’re so gorgeous/handsome in this photo, baby look!” “No! I don’t want to see it!” “Pleeeeeeease!”

*rest is under the cut

-Lee Know-

Minho’s a little bit of a cheeky bean, so he would tease his S/O about it

Would take sneaky pictures of them so they wouldn’t notice and show them later

Sometimes he would do it just to annoy them, but a lot of the time he literally would just want cute photos of his S/O

Because as much as he would love the silly and stupid photos, he would love to capture them just doing normal things

Probably would have a little album in his phone

The only time his S/O would notice is when they see that his background is a sweet picture of them napping

“When did you take that!?” “The other day~” “Delete it!” “But you look so peaceful and cuddly!”

Would start some friendly arguments a lot of the time

-Changbin-

l feel like he wouldn’t really care for photos that much

Like yeah, having selfies and videos of his S/O is cool, but he just prefers to be with them in the moment

Honestly they would just be laughing and having too much fun to be taking photos

But if the subject was to come up, he would be so comforting and chill about it, not making it a big deal

“It’s fine not liking your photo taken. Not a lot of people do.”

But if they were to send him a random selfie or picture of themselves, he would literally flip

Lots and lots of heart eye emojis and praise, feeling so happy that they felt comfortable enough to do that

“WOW 😍😍😍” “YOU’RE AN ANGEL OMG 😫😫”

-Hyunjin-

I feel like Hyunjin would have trouble understanding why they hide their face

Always thinks they’re joking around and trying to be funny, so he would brush it off as a joke

But when he wants to take a cute selfie together and they get shy and hide their appearance, it would make him a bit upset

He would take it the wrong way and think that his S/O doesn’t want a picture with him

He’s a drama queen, so he would pout and whine about it

“Please just one!” “No! I look ugly!” “No you don’t at all! Just pLEASE-”

They’d have to eventually give in because he wouldn’t give up

Absolutely cherishes their selfies though

Would print them out and hang them on his wall to look at

-Han-

Han at times can be a little bit of a shy bean as well, so I think he would relate to his S/O’s habit

He would respect their wishes for not wanting to be photographed without them knowing

He’s not fussed about not having many photos of them

But he would literally hate it if they spoke badly about themselves after seeing a picture of them

Like full scolding mother mode

“Don’t say that about yourself! It makes me annoyed and sad!”

He wants them to feel loved and valid 24/7, so he’d always be reassuring them that they shouldn’t feel shy around cameras because they have so much beauty

Very sweet and sensitive boy

-Felix-

He’d be upset about it if anything

Would enjoy having funny photos of them both, but sometimes he just feels soft and wants to take one of them sleeping or when they’re out on a date together

He understands that his S/O doesn’t like photos, but would try to convince them in the nicest way possible

“Just one. We don’t have to post it or anything, I just want it to remind me of our fun day together.”

He can sometimes get a little bit insecure about himself, so sometimes he would also hate having his photo taken when he’s not feeling his best

So him and his S/O would relate to each other about it

Funny photos are more fun anyway, so he would love it when they pull stupid faces

-Seungmin-

He would tease his S/O about it as well, thinking that they’re dumb for believing they’re photogenic enough

He’s very brutally honest, so he’d question it as soon as he noticed

“Why do you do that? You literally have no reason to hide your face so it’s pointless.”

He would laugh at the situation though

Like he finds it funny to see photos of his S/O trying to hide behind him or pulling a stupid face

If he wants a cute photo though and his S/O ran away, he would chase them and tackle them for it, probably ending with a funny forced picture anyway

“Haha never mind, this one’s better than a cute selfie.”

-I.N.-

He’s kind of awkward with photos himself I think

So him and his S/O would just collectively agree not to take sneaky photos

If his S/O wanted a picture together, they would have to be the one to ask for it

They would rarely take photos I feel

Like maybe a few when on dates but that would literally be it

So his S/O wouldn’t have to worry about their habit

Jeongin would probably get a bit confused about it if he does notice something

But he wouldn’t approach them about it, thinking it’s not a big deal

Although he would love his S/O’s smile, so seeing a normal picture of them would always make him happy and giddy

Author’s Note: I’m so sorry if this isn’t that good! It’s my first reaction so I’ll probably get the hang of it as I do more ❤

[junghelioseok]

attraction tag 💜

🌻 tagged by my lovely friends @kpopfanfictrash, @hobidreams, @underthejoon, and @lcksndkys!!! thank you, loves 💕

🌻 rules: post 8-9 people you're very attracted to.

🌻 i sat down to do this and suddenly forgot every single piece of media i’ve ever consumed. who am i into? idk!!! it’s a mystery! here are some, though 🤣 

🌻 tagging: whoever wants to do this!

jung hoseok

who even am i if i don’t start with hobi? he is every inch the man of my dreams and the kind of person i aspire to be. i love that he’s a bit of a neat freak. i love that he serves as sort of a second leader to the group, even if it’s so often overlooked because of his energetic public persona. hoseok strikes me as someone who is endlessly kind and compassionate and empathetic, who strives to be his best self while also lifting up others. and this goes without saying, but he’s an incredible dancer. plus, his duality? squishy cheekies with a jaw that could cut glass? pretty, delicate wrists and fingers vs. his smoldering intensity onstage? insane. he’s insane. he’s beautiful and insane, and the way i adore this man, for real 🥺

jeon jungkook

this damn 23yo is out to ruin my life and It Is Working!!! jungkook was a bit of a slow burn for me, but one day i woke up and he’d grown into his nose and up in general and i was??? frankly? offended by how obscenely attractive he is. and now that he’s getting tattoos and piercings and experimenting with his hair? BYE. begone, demon!!! 

but seriously, it’s been a treat watching jungkook grow. i love that he’s so much more confident in himself now. i love his chaotic energy and his undying love for food. he truly has such an endearing personality, and so many cute little quirks. his little stutter and slight lisp? the way his upper lip disappears when he laughs really hard? his instinct to clap at everything? the way he zones out sometimes? and i haven’t even mentioned how infuriatingly good he is at almost everything he tries!

min yoongi

this man is a dreamboat. look at him!!! look at that smile!!! the fact that he could cook me dinner and build me a table to eat it off of??? very sexy of him!!! 

in all seriousness though, i love that we’re privy to yoongi’s soft, dorky side much more these days. i love that we get to see multiple sides of him, from agust d to squishy, gummy smile yoongi who can’t say no to the maknae line. he’s so quietly, steadfastly caring and kind. and his talent (rapping, songwriting, producing, etc.) speaks for itself. 

tom hiddleston

i, like most others, fell in love with tom’s loki, but stuck around for his superb acting in other ventures as well (speaking of which, i need to find a way to finish watching crimson peak). this man has the kind of voice that i could listen to all day. he could read me the dictionary. he could recite to me a list of world leaders in alphabetical order. he could find a phone book, present it to me as a bedtime story, and i’d listen raptly. that’s how mesmerizing he is. also? the shallow part of me just wants to say, he looks great in a suit, LOL.

benedict cumberbatch as sherlock holmes

oh, sherlock. i think i’ve seen most modern portrayals of this character by this point, and bananasplit cucumberpatch’s is undoubtedly my favorite (so long as i ignore the abysmal last season). i often think about how many lines he had to memorize for the role, and it never fails to wow me. the little tics and mannerisms he brought to the character! the dramatic coat! the hair! the scarf! it’s all excellent. 

sebastian stan as bucky barnes

captain america: the winter soldier is hands down my favorite marvel movie, and sebastian stan’s bucky is a big part of that. and yes, i know this gif is from the first avenger but look at that smile! look at the jaunty tilt of his hat! then they gave him a metal arm and a villainous edge paired with a tragic backstory, and i was sold, lmao. plus, i just finished the falcon captain america and the winter soldier, and the character development there was just *chef’s kiss*

michael b. jordan as erik killmonger

everything about this character and performance hit me hard. michael b. jordan has always been on my radar as “wow, he has a really nice face” but i honestly hadn’t seen him in anything memorable prior to black panther. but now that i have, i need more. i would love to see more of what killmonger’s life was like growing up, and how he became a navy seal and eventually a black ops mercenary. i should also watch more of michael b. jordan’s stuff in general. one of these days, i’ll get around to it!

james marsters as spike

teenage me would’ve loved spike, had i actually had the time/resources to watch buffy then. luckily, with the advent of streaming and buffy being on hulu, it turns out that adult me loves him too. 🤣 i so thoroughly enjoy his portrayal as spike, throughout both btvs and angel. the character growth and development was truly so fun to watch. and the accent! the snark! the poetry!!! the way he loves with such passion and loyalty, even as a soulless vampire! i’m basic and i love a good bad boy, what can i say? are we seeing a theme? 😅

[gayregis]

it sucks so much that a lot of the time i just simply am not able to make art/fanfic with confidence because i’m always aware that horny people on tumblr would eagerly misinterpret it as fetish art or ship.

is that still how you put a read more on mobile? lol idk anymore

this is a vent post to give anyone who isn’t sure about what i’m trying to say / is interested in the bad experiences i’ve had more context

when i was fourteen (14!! a baby!!) on here i made a general ‘body positivity’ post for a character (just saying that they were beautiful and desirable to a partner, because a lot of posts liked to make them out as ‘ugly’) and a nsfw fetish blog reblogged it (and interacted with me. fml) and it got a bunch of notes because they were popular in the fandom and i was too young to know what fetishes were.

when i was older but still a teenager (must have been what, 15? 16?) my (adult, in their early 20s) mutual DMed me and we talked for a bit about AUs and ships, and then they started talking about what if this character grew multiple limbs during sex :)? what would you think about that? ... i tried to say i was uncomfortable with where this conversation was going and tried to steer it back to regular topics, but they kept pressing it so i just didn’t respond anymore.

when i was still older, and getting into the witcher fandom now (17, maybe early 18) i rapidly found out how much disgusting fucking geralt x ciri shit there is. i was trying to cope with my shitty relationship with my dad by finding solace with geralt and ciri, and nope, there’s some ship art or fic of them. literally i got 1/4 through a fic on a blog about geralt and ciri in brokilon where she was scared and held his hand, my gut felt weird about it because this was a post on a blog that seemed to do mostly ship fics, i scrolled to the bottom of the post and there it was tagged with ship tags and fetish tags.

so now i’m just stuck in this space where i’m afraid to make anything that could be misinterpreted, because of how it could potentially be recieved, what kind of people it will attract. and “anything that could be misinterpreted” is a very broad topic, but it’s broad for a reason, because literally anything can be misconstrued and taken from you and seen as a fetish, or a ship, etc... more specifically i’m thinking about my vampire headcanons (on the topic of giving characters fangs and people being extremely horny for that) and ideas about regis and angouleme hanging out (because tumblr both doesn’t know what a familial / parental relationship is, and fucking loves to ship old men with young women vis-a-vis the regis x shani art i’ve been unlucky enough to see on here).

plus way too many people are horny for regis on this site and i’ve tried to block them all but the thing is that it blocks from my mainblog and not my sideblog, so now i can’t see them but they can see me and still reblog my content on this sideblog, thanks tumblr... literally nsfw blogs reblogging my posts about regis like i want to go insane on you stop it...

literally it’s like:

me: here is my headcanon for how regis looks [subtext: appearance based upon professors ive had who have reminded me of him / inspired me / made me feel safe in their presence / oh god i miss that kind of feeling with my dad / okay anyways haha here’s the post]

accts who i HAVE BLOCKED but tumblr allows them to reblog my posts because i’m a sideblog and your blockslists are specific to your blogs and not your entire account because this site’s block “function” sucks: wow this man i want to fuck him UNFFFFFF

anyways it’s 6:30 am i’m tired and hungry but yeah this is why i’m always fucking second-guessing myself lol and never end up creating things anymore. i of course really enjoy writing analysis posts, but in some ways, it’s the only thing i can do because other mediums such as art and fic are way too often taken from their creators and purposefully misinterpreted, if i write a long post however it’s more difficult to misinterpet it (more difficult yet still so many do... re: all the gerlion posts i’ve made hating on geraskiers, cue many geraskiers reblogging said posts like #omg so true... no look in the mirror because i was talking about you lol.)

if anyone is reading this (vent post, as i said, a personal post that is not intended to be reblogged or consumed by the masses) like “wow what a bitch and a hater for hating on my fetishes, i’m going to send them a really strongly worded anon that starts with ‘No. You know what, fuck this. Fuck you—‘“ then i don’t care, just block me and fuck off like i really do not want to talk to you. i’m not hating on your fetishes i’m saying you need to act appropriately in sfw environments and not bring up nsfw content to minors or people who haven’t consented to seeing it, or interact with others’ sfw posts in a nsfw manner.

be a decent adult

[sollitudde]

haikyuu & cafes (1/?)

bigass creds to @luvoikawa with this post that inspired me to write too much nonsense about nonsense

all my writing got deleted edition 🐸 also jesus christ sorry this is super long i just really like cafes and drinkys and coffys...

karasuno

ukai

for a guy who gets up early every morning coffee is a must. canned coffee is his drink of choice for getting up and it’s one of his morning routines before starting work. he actually dislikes cafes because they have an atmosphere he isn’t too fond of and likes bars (enjoys shit beers = enjoys shit coffee) more- but he could go to a cafe when asked by his friends or if he’s going on a date, just don’t ask him about what type of coffee he’d like specifically because all he wants is it to be hot and black, no milk no sugar. when he was younger he actually disliked coffee, but with age he learned to 1. not be fussy about it 2. just tolerate it to pick him up. it’s not like he dislikes the tastes of it but i don’t see him as picking up oh many tannin inteiciasies cause he’s not developed a pallete, also gets the cheapest no fuss shit. prefers hot over cold even in the summer

for food, he doesn’t enjoy completely western menus. likes meat and doesn’t order any sweets like pastries and whatever the fuck, not only is it too expensive but also he’d just rather have the coffee unless he’s particularly hungry. like i said he isnt a cafe guy but life takes you to a lot of places so ☕️

takeda

actually can taste tanins like some sort of a legend. still though on a teachers salary you’re not going to have an espresso machine at home so he settles for his drip brew. actually doesn’t like espresso too much either if hes working at least. but since he is a teacher and a club supervisor he drinks 2 (two) of those shits a day, one in the morning from home one in the afternoon from the teachers lounge- needs it to deal with the energy at practice. takes just milk in his coffee and prefers it steamed, but has that shitty milk foamer thing that takes so much time to get results out of he just ends up drinking drip w cold milk; the workingmans choice.

with cafes and food he still enjoys drip brew (this time fancier) coffee with milk. could ask to taste test the plain bean coffee if he enjoyed his first cup so much. LOVES a pastry with his drink, if he goes there to do work will get a coffee and a pastry of any kind, i think he likes cream so expect him to get a cream puff esp if on a date cause then he gets to share it and be cute 🥴 loves a cafe hangout with friends or an s/o

kiyoko

pre time skip she did not need coffee at all. like her face at first says either only black coffee or shes so well adjusted she needs nothing and i’d say it’s the latter though i could debate. though she was an enjoyer of canned coffee milk later in life before having to consume coffee for life energy in her adulthood. nothing too fancy either though, small coffee machine that only she uses (tanakas a pussy!) for making coffee, pours milk and adds a teaspoon of sugar into it- doesn’t really like flavors cause to her they taste artificial. busy lady! so she can pick up some starbucks or sit down for a brief second and get coffee wherever she is, thinks it energizes her and also is an enjoyer of the novelty of steamed milk. it actually doesn’t buzz her ever even when she first starts drinking it so rather than having to drink more coffee as the tolerance builds up she just has a plateau of coffee give me caffeine boost

for cafes she just gets whatever looks good to her. also not the biggest fan of sweets rather than a good bread, enjoyer of plain croissants and good bread if she gets a sandwitch. who doesn’t love carbs

yachi

the sweet sugary drink enjoyer has arrived. didn’t even touch coffee until her 3rd year at college, tried a sip of black coffee from her friend in junior high and became instantly afraid of it- managed to skirt by college with a good schedule until the junior terror seeped into her veins and now her early classes she has to drink coffee for. but like she still gets good grades so it’s only the morning she’s required to partake in bean water for- doesn’t even do anything on weekends if she doesn’t have anywhere to be. at home she has 2 syrups 5 milks and overloads her drink so much she’s barely drinking any coffee at all, still the sugar and the hot stuff in the morning has an effect (placebo lol)

loves a starbucks for its accessibility, but gets refreshers and iced drinks more often than any of their caffeine. not only does she think it’s not worth it if she can make coffee at home, but she has a tiny cafe she goes to to cram that serves a mean lavender rose vanilla latte (fucking ew?) that shes in love with. but it costs a lot and she’s a rare visitor, gets sweets and small sandwitches if she goes. w friends she doesn’t know that well she’ll get a flavored coffee to seem mature&cute, but with old friends she’d rather drink a milk tea or a seasonal drink rather than bother w a latte (since she uses it to get energy if it’s 5pm and her day is nearly done whyd she need it then?) no 7-11 coffee or vending machine coffee (junior high trauma) rather sweets and candy if she’s buying from one

daichi

courtesy to @sugardaddykenma, i think daichi oinking his way to the top ended after he had a midlife crisis- so he stops drinking coffee the way he would at the pig pen. sorry ok enough puns but yeah i think he was drinking way too much coffee in both college and at his “job” so coffee now messes with his stomach so much he thinks he might have a heart attack if he drinks more than one cup a week. i don’t know if that directly makes sense but too much coffee can literally kill you and since now he doesn’t fear the revolution here’s another thing for his mind. no coffee, maybe like once if hes at a cafe with his friends but really really prefers plain tea more- especially as he gets older. likes green white and black teas rather than herbal cause caffeine, and doesn’t put sugar in either cause hes #real and genuinely enjoys the flavors more that way

doesn’t go to cafes except for reunions or hanging out with the boys, always more of a “what do they have to eat” rather a “what’s new and exiting to drink” boy. i actually think the only reason he does drink coffee occasionally is because sugawara teases him and also sometimes it’s easier to order something to not be embarassing and to live up to the expectation of a dilf on the prowl rather than well like. dilf drinking tiny mug of jasmine tea. surprisingly an atmosphere enjoyer, people talking all around him is comforting- though if he were to go there frequently he’d grown annoyed

sugawara

king of looking fuckable at a cafe. literally can’t drink coffee black and hates it but still uses it for that energy boost in the morning. has a cheap espresso machine (like 2nd hand and super busted) with a milk frother cause he can’t even drink coffee with just milk it’s so repulsuve to him, he’s gotta fancy it up with syrups & steamed liquids to get anything out of it. but like i said hes king of looking fuckable at a cafe and that’s cause he goes to them all the fucking time. to study to hang for dates like part of it is the ambience is unparalleled but also i mean 1. he likes looking hot 2. he can study 3. man idk hes just a little bitch that wants to look smarter than he actually is. literally in love with the concept of a meet cute so hes in there like “wow... i look so pretty and i’m reading such a big book won’t someone come talk to me”enjoys smiling at other hot patrons and the nines. i think he’d start banter only if you spilled a drink though or something happened hes not that confident to go up to someone full force, and well while he is there sometimes for the hell of it he does actually study there too cause it forces him to do something rather than fuck around on the computer at home. win win system

frequent cafe flyer and frequent cafe snack enjoyer. he’d much rather go for the small snacks like chips and nuts rather than big meal shit cause since his stuff is there he doesn’t wanna get anything on it, and would rather lounge back at home while eating anyways. frequent buys you a sweet on a date type of move, asks if you wanna give him a small bite but doesn’t actually enjoy most sweets that much. ICE LATTE ENJOYER but only when hes on the go or it’s summer, they make a mess when condensation happens.

asahi

hate to tell you folks, but you won’t find this guy in any cafes ever. if he needs to study in a public place he’d rather go to a library and if he can’t go there he’s just seriously gonna sit on the street if it’s the worst of it. can not only not handle cafes if it’s at full capacity, sugawara once shared his cafe strategies with him and now he overthinks whenever he steps foot into one. if he does enter a cafe it’s for a to go order of a cafe au lait (with soy milk, he got in the habit from ordering the wrong thing and never asking them to fix it) because espresso beverages give him anxiety, and add anxiety with a lot of people there it’s just no good and he becomes nervous. he does relax when his friends are there though, and a la p5 enjoys a quiet cafe at night the best. he like herbal teas without sugar (maybe some honey) and aromatic tea blends, but not refresher like beverages at starbucks

since he doesn’t sit down and eat at cafes hes not getting anything substantial, but has a pertulance for sweet stuff! nothing too big but if he gets something sweet with his coffee (and he does get coffee out a lot actually i feel i should clarify. it’s the devil wears prada influence and if you’re a fashion designer chance is you need to go somewhere fast so he needs the energy to power walk and actually ends up picking up coffee for his crew sometimes)

nishinoya

oh christ dude if he got coffee while in high school he’d go fucking insane. way too much current energy + caffeine is such a bad combination- but i think he’d never step into a cafe until his world traveling days. in which case i mean like first of all if you are traveling you’re going to have to keep a tight schedule unless you’re like rich as fuck and can afford to leisure around, and i think he does have some savings but at the same time if he’s himself he’s very likely running around- in summary, cafe visits very dépendant on the culture. cafe dates and cafe stops to get a pick up i think would be the most common stuff here, and coffee would be only used as a wake up i need more energy tool

with food i mean going to a great underground cafe is a right of passage if you’re traveling so i’m sure hes tried all sorts of shit and also hes a big eater, so i can see him getting whatever looks the craziest. big coffee ice cream enjoyer but like i said that’s just to wake up & i think there’s better places to get better juice (& international soda) than a hole in the wall coffee place. did someone say italian sodas or do i have to get my hearing checked

tanaka

man this guys a pussy. thinks starbucks is the fancy coffee place even though it’s a chain and can’t enjoy a non sweetened coffee- even sweetened coffees are a bust. honestly also is too concerned about caffeine being able to “hinder” him, it’s not going to kill you or make you crazy but probably saw someone go balls off the walls with it and is too pussy to try it himself because he thinks he’s so energetic already it’ll make him turn super saiyan. very big enjoyer of a juice, a smoothie, or a refresher again if we’re going from starbucks’ menu. actually yeah it the place offers smoothies he definitely gets that 100% no questions asked, cause it’s the one sweet he can permit himself because he actually thinks it’s healthy when the only reason it “is” is because it’s fruit. does not enjoy the vibes whatsoever and is kinda spooked by everyone drinking coffee in coffee drinking establishments. his wife is more of a man than him in that regard but he can take it

cafe foods aplenty though! likes to walk in and run to get smth and leave, cause it’s less effort than making something and more effort than going to a convenience store. actually has this thing where he picks wifey dearest up snacks he thinks she’ll like. before that he used to scoff at them but now seeing as shes a frequent patron and he is married to her he’s all like look at this treat i bought for you at (blank). it’s kinda sweet! plus he prolly gets a takeout drink for himself too so win win

ennoshita

physical therapy is a lot of work! sorry for the lack of substance for this guy but like a normal adult i think he is normal with his coffee consumption. aka- drinks it to get up, and when hes tired. i think he has a particular interest in trying new things though and will get whatever is interesting to him or something that is weird on the menu like a pumpkin chocolate latte or some shit like that that is unusual but still tasty. adventurous and also you can’t tell at all that hes had coffee, acts completely the same and people even tell him he should drink some coffee cause of the low energy. hes had two cups already and that’s enough!

kinoshita

i think this guy just doesn’t like coffee for whatever reason. he seems like the type of dude to just not drink it and instead go for something energizing in the form of tea or an energy drink but not bean juice, just a vibe! enjoys a cafe every once in a while but goes rarely, i mean hes just chilling! there is a place that hes gone to that he is now an irregular regular of that has a tea infusion of different berries and ingredients that’s meant to clear up your sinuses and calm you. they don’t sell it in packets and hes disappointed about that but the very reason it exists at all is because it’s made out of fresh chopped shit and spices, also it’s a gimmick. they serve them in tea pitchers and he stays there and reads until he finishes. it’s the little things!

kazuhito

writing got erased again but like literally just think of a guy. a guy that works at a company who has to go to work everyday so yeah he drinks coffee and the chances of it being instant are very high. actually doesn’t know that starbucks is a chain and just has the regular drip coffee machine at home, probably takes it with milk and sugar and whatever is there at the time. relaxed guy and relaxed preferences

kageyama

dude doesn’t even know what coffee is to be completely honest. well no that’s a lie he definitely tried some but it made him jittery and he can’t be jittery or else he’s not doing perfect tosses, so no can do. like i know the milk joke is old but i don’t think the habit stops at high school i genuinely think unless one of his teammates or someone with him is like no getting milk or they don’t just serve raw milk because who the fuck would he maybe gets a milk tea at most. honestly not a fan of sugary drinks such as juice or refreshers and whatnot nor iced drinks because well hes just a weirdo. if you take him to a sbucks or somewhere else either order him a london fog or water or a cup of milk if you want your cashier to have something funny to tell. he likes matcha lattes but since they’re high caf he only gets them on off days and like when does he have those? never. genuine weirdo

okay for food it’s anything goes but i think thr funnier thing to talk about would be the amount of time it takes him to read a menu. literally can’t decide on anything especially if a place is out of stock well hes gonna be out of comission for a few minutes as he reconsiders. asks what this has and what’s in this if it’s not listed so it’s really best to just pick smth for him, plain simple and he won’t have any complaints and just sit down w you.

hinata

actually got fond of espresso in brazil but still prefers juices and shit to actual caffeinated beverages. they don’t make them like they used to there 😔 but he does get lattes. LOVES coconut milk and nut milks cause they have an “oomph” (what?) but honestly anything goes kind of guy in where he can get coffee out of a machine at a convenience store starbucks a cafe anything anywhere no problem. thing is though he can only consume it in a short amount of time aka just the morning or else he’s unable to sleep at night, a thing that is most definitely a placebo but like he believes on it so insistently that he just doesn’t mess with it. is a fan of anything new and anything that catches his interest in coffee places, likes to pick stuff up rather than sit down cause he’s a fan of walking and talking and drinking

pastry guy :) or just anything breaded. again likes to pick whatever catches his interest cause he became more adventurous with food for sure, enjoys a sandwitch or some shit i mean you get the point i think. he’s just a funny little guy

tsukishima

honestly? cant fucking drink black coffee. i think it’d be so funny and well also fitting that if he does drink anything he does drink super sugary sweet stuff, like i mean we know he enjoys sweets anyways so why not push it further and say this motherfucker can’t handle tanins at all? and like by all i mean he has to have tea with milk and sugar no matter what it is (well not herbal tea 🍵 that’s an emoji of a green tea but herbal tea never should be enjoyed with milk) his go to is a hot matcha latte and a cold iced vanilla latte. cause both are sweet and make him look a little less pussy when ordering them. straight up will chug purely black coffee out of spite and suppress gags to seem cool, it’s okay tbough hes so far only worried about this happening in front of friends and it hasn’t yet. he has practiced at home though and he can so far not gag but still squint, which he’s thinking if he has to explain will explain by “well uh it tastes like shit so”

i don’t think he needs coffee to get up but instead does need something sweet. since cake doesn’t last a while i’d see him trying to buy some for himself discreetly like i know this dude isn’t a pussy but also imagine being so hard and then being made fun of for eating a cake alone by yourself in a cafe. doesn’t order sweets therefore unless hes in a private room or with a trusted friend. yamaguchi won’t tell on you bro in fact he’ll order the cake and let you have it. doesn’t like any savory thing on the menu for some reason, no matter the place he goes

yamaguchi

actually enjoys tanins but chugs cheap shitty coffee for energy no matter the time of day. he just got used to the lack of taste and definitely grabbed a caffeine addiction to add to his problems to worry about but it’s okay cause hey while he’d never say it he thinks it’s better to be able to taste them and enjoy a normal cup of good beans than to be like his unnamed friend. enjoyer of the whole menu, entirely dependent on the mood. focusing, straight espresso shots, reading, matcha or peppermint tea, vibing, lemonade or lemonade mixture idk you name it. very into cafe energy and feels good whenever he enters one, but doesn’t do it out of neccesity cause once he did actually have someone slightly hit on him at a cafe and he stopped going to it because he interacted with them very awkwardly. is sure the baristas heard and just can’t do it anymore. has pulled all nighters and 24-hr study sessions in internet cafes chugging coffees like a motherfucker. hasn’t yet poured a redbull into coffee yet but i mean it could be coming we never know (nah hes afraid of it)

not a fan of ordering stuff in cafes at all cause hes not there to eat. can be persuaded for a bite if friends are there but if not then hes avoidant of foods. you can’t blame him! it’s kind of awkward to order food at a coffee place anyways so he just steers clear

[rosesanthology]

Escape Plan | Matsukawa Issei x F!Reader [mafia!AU]

This took me SO MUCH TIME to write aaaaaah it's not surprising that it's so long :0 i just have many many feelings for Matsukawa Issei ALSO im begging y'all to listen to the playlist before/as you read please !!

Im kinda pissed that i cant add a "read more" option since im on mobile tho :\

(Also ngl at first i planned to get one of the 2 shot but i didn't have the heart to go thru with it)

Warnings : Fluff, it starts with humor but at some point it gets angsty ???? Idk y'all tell me

- Au that could be considered as a ennemies-to-lovers type of situation

[Tags] : @raevaioli and @haikoo like i cannot stress this enough @haikoo this your main manz

- if you could only use one sentence to describe your job to a Karen it would be : stealing from the rich in order to trick other rich people

- you had been what the people would call a spy for most of your life now, the Tokyo based Nekoma Organisation being something close to a family

- you worked with both of your very good friends, Kuroo Testurou and Kozume Kenma

- Kuroo, the leader of your little squad, had been the first one to open up to you when you joined

- he was a gifted chemistry genius and you were sure he could make any poison or soporific out of the most random stuff

- he also had insane combat and physical abilities which made him fit to act in a lab as well as on mission grounds

- Kenma was a little more reserved at first, he was the same age as you but still was really reluctant to accept you as one of his own at first

- when he saw how much Kuroo trusted you and how interested you were in his work he slowly but surely found himself caring for you

- to put it simply Kenma, better known as "apple pi" was a hacker. His job ranged from creating computer viruses to full on enabling the security of whole museums

- despite his cute appearance and shy demeanor he was probably the scariest of you three

- finally, you Y/L L/N was the infiltration and weapons expert of the group, you could weild literally anything from guns, to swords to,,,,,metal rods (but you don't wanna talk about this one) and you were of great help when deciding which infiltration angle was the best in missions

- Kuroo, under the orders of Boss Nekomata, quickly taught you the dangers and ways of the job during your first months working with them, the organisation specializing in outsmarting rich bastards and stealing their precious ressources in order to make "better use of them"

- if they were hoarding a particularly efficient brand of medicine, your goal was to steal it all, and sell it to people in need for free or a low price

- if they were in possession of some important object like let's say,,,,,the construction plans for the emperor's new vacation house, you stole it, made copies to sell at a high price to the highest bidder and your good affiliate, the Fukurodani Corporation would keep an eye on the original as part of their personnal collection, you were fine with that

- yeah they were others organisations like that in Tokyo, your friends from the Fukurodani Corp of course but also the Shiratorizawa elite crime group with who you had worked a couple times before

- ah and there was the Yakuzas too....honestly they were the only group in Tokyo with whom you were still on dangerous terms with

- they didn't like Nekoma in their affairs and you didn't like them in yours, but you tolerated each other

- your boss had established a truce with the representant of the big Yakuza group of your area, Kondo "the viper" Takara, a truly scary woman who had blasted her way to the one of the top positions of the hierarchy

- she even had a cool nickname ヾ(｀ε´)ノ

- but you knew better than to mess with them

- all in all y'all kept doing your jobs well, not bothering anybody

- except for one remaining rivalry with some Miyagi group

- the Aoba Johsai Institution.

- well, rivalry would be a strong word because you kinda got along with that Iwaizumi guy, he was a great hand to hand combat fighter and you respected that

- the others however ? Trash. 👁3👁

- they seem to act like Tokyo will be their territory in the next 5 seconds flat like ??

- THEY DON'T EVEN GO THERE ????

- "they be acting like they can just swoop in and eat OUR rich" you had told Kuroo and Kenma one day over ramen

- spoiler alert : it was a bad idea cause Kuroo snorted and almost made the noodles go up his nose

- no but seriously they always seemed to take advantage of YOUR missions to attract attention

- how did they even know which missions you were on anyway ??? (Kenma and Kunimi are actually good friends cause they play video games together but he'd never tell you that)

- it's like that one time you infiltrated a business company's heir's residence and then you came across a dude named Hanamaki and you had the HARDEST time whisper shouting to him how blowing up the whole place was a bad idea to retrieve one (1) diamond

- at the end you felt so tired that you gave it to him anyway ಥ_ಥ ("just take it ffs" "really ??" "Don't make me regret this")

- they also had the single worst person ever on one of their teams.

- Matsukawa Issei

- just thinking about it made you want to take your metal bat and break something in your shared room with your two other friends

- seriously that guy was like the epitome of clownery

- he's also supposed to be his team's gun expert except that's not the best task for someone who refuses to take anything with him but his freaking FISTS

- the first time you had met y'all ended up being on the same case to assassinate some guy who had kidnapped some cute freckled kid from a place in Miyagi called Karasuno

- EXCEPT HE WAS IN TOKYO SO IT WAS YOUR DUTY !!! NOT HIS !!!!

- you had Kenma on the earbud telling you about the guy's position in the club you were currently one street away from. You were posted on the rooftop of a building with a sniper rifle ready to get done with it and go save the kid but GUESS WHO COMES IN FISTS SWINGING WHEN YOU LITERALLY HAD THE TARGET IN SIGHT

- and he had the nerve to look straight toward your rifle's aim and flip you off while smirking

- sir you're about to catch these hands🚶🏽

- he had knocked him out alright and he got the young boy out but you were NOT ready to let that slide so you quickly got down and crossed path with him at the back exit of the club

- "what exactly do you think you were doing in there ?" Listen. You may have sounded confident enough saying that but you had NO idea that this dude was like a whole ass giraffe

- and he knew he was tall so he had the audacity to say

- "sorry can't hear you so well from down there midget, i was just doing my job (▰˘◡˘▰)" if it weren't for the karasuno boy being right there you would have stabbed his kneecaps on sight

- anyway after that y'all just seemed to run into each other wayyyy too often

- insults were shared just as often tho

- "well butter my buns and call me betty broker if it isn't my sweet little midget shooting people !"

- "stfu before i choke you"

- "kinky but can you reach my neck ?"

- "you've sunk low enough"

-so yeah f u n  t i m e s

- aside from that, business was going great but Kuroo had had news of a very important mission for you but he insisted on letting Boss Nekomata tell you about it himself for some reason

- he'd never done that :(

- you were kinda hurt that your best friend was hiding stuff from you tbh :(

- and Kenma did not seem to know more than you for now

- so you spent a whole week just mopping around

- sometimes you would go and poke fun and the newbie Lev Haiba but it wasn't the same

- Kuroo and Kenma kept working on missions while you were left waiting for that one assignment that Nekomata seemed to keep you for

- until today when Kuroo finally told you that the boss was requesting you in his office

- ngl you were EXCITED

- maybe you would have to zipline down the Tokyo tower (σ≧▽≦)σ maybe he was going to let you take a chainsaw with you this time (σ≧▽≦)σ

- maybe he- "oh" you deadpanned, stepping foot into the office and seeing none other than your arch nemesis, Matsukawa Issei in all his pisces clown glory

- "why tf are you there shitty eyebrows"

- "i had a good day too Y/N ! thanks for asking :D" today was the day. You were 100% ready to kill him and the knife that was attached to your thigh strap seemed like such a good option rn-

- "stop it you two. Y/N take a sit" Nekomata gestured, as you didn't hesitate to listen to your superior even fully aware of Mattsun's eyes annoyingly following your every movement

-"Okay so. Y/N i know you may be wondering why Matsukawa's here but to put it simply we've been informed that a rich family have gotten their hands on one of Aoba Johsai's rarest item : a gold engraved katana that belonged to their first boss"

- "so what do you need us for ?" You didn't mean to use "us" but you knew better than to piss off your boss, he was like a parental figure come on

- "i need you guys to infiltrate an auction held by said family and steal it back in the span of one week. It's up to you to work together or not but keep in mind that our arrangement states that we're autorised to make copies of the katana for future sells."

- you guys nodded, after all you were professionnals before everything and you were about to leave when Nekomata put something on the table

- "here are the keys to your appartment near the auction site it'll be your hideout !"

-.....now this had to be a cruel joke-

- "id rather sleep under a bridge then live with her for a whole week"

- "wow this is the first time we agree on something Mattsun" the oh so familiar nickname dripped in venom as you said it, unsure of what was supposed to happen

- "oh yes you could but i suppose that you don't have the supplies and tools that you will definitely need during that mission :)"

- you locked eyes with the brunette for a minute before reluctantly stomping to the table and grabbing hold of the keys and adress written on a paper, storming out of the door,  letting out a loose "come on shitty eyebrows we have data to collect" to your new....partner ? Ugh it was about to be a long week

-  it turns out the appartment was a lot smaller than you hoped for, with two single person beds, a computer post and different storing purposed furniture

- it was a common thing however, because the last thing an undercover spy would want is to draw attention with a flashy hideout

- the first step was to gather information on who would be at the auction which shouldnt be too hard

- "hey ill take the lead and contact my friend so that he can determine who is going to be here" you said as you sat on the chair in front of the computer

- "mm yeah you do that ill check what kind of weapons have been provided to us" Mattsun had no difficulty finding them as the drawers well full of them....this was very promising

- Kenma had just sent you the list of people that had been invited to the event, and you recognised many names as being members of the powerful Yakuza group lead by Konda Takara, of course.....the infamous viper herself

- you called out to Mattsun to show him and briefly explained what they were up too and how they usually fonctionned

- the auction was to take place the last 3 days after an opening party, leaving the rest of the week for preparations

- they usually took their time in comitting their crimes so you thought that stopping them mid plan by taking advantage of it was the best way to get the sword

- Mattsun didn't have anything to say for the moment, seemingly thoughtful about the whole situation

- "just so you know" you started, already regretting the decision of talking in your head, "i don't plan on being friends with you anytime soon but i feel like for this we should at least try not to rip each other's hair out"

- "i never planned on that second option"

- "huh ?"

- "i hope you know that we've never had a single conversation without insults of some kind before so for the sake of both of us it would be better to actually get to know each other since we're supposed to work together"

- you hated to admit it

- but he was right

- however you didn't comment on it, opting for throwing him a dry "let's sleep" before plopping yourself on your own bed on the other side of the room

- this is about to be one hell of a week

-3 days had passed in the crammed appartement both you and Mattsun struggling to inform yourself on each specific individual that was going to be present at the auction

- right now, you were both sitting on the floor, wearing simple oversized shirts and pyjama pants and shorts, cheese pizza box laying on top of the document covered surface

- "Mattsun, pass me the paper about Okuda Takeda please" :000

- Matsukawa froze, because he knew that in 2 days of living together y'all had establised that you wouldn't be at each other's throats

- but hearing you using his nickname unironically and saying please ???? That was still something he had to get used to

- "what are you staring at ? Give me the paper shitty eyebrows >:[" ah there she was

- "thats my girl" he thought, handing you the document and resuming his own reading

- here's the catch : Mattsun was head over heels in love with you since like day 1 that Hanamaki told him about this pretty girl who let him take the diamond from his mission. He tried to repress his feelings as he had noticed that you seemed way closer with your friend Kuroo who he had seen on missions with you

- maybe you liked him

- he would understand, he seemed way more confident than him and he was also probably way smarter since he was a genius and all

- also the way you were always soft to him and not Matsukawa kinda got to him

- he wanted you to hug HIM after a mission too and NOT insult him

- but he judged it for the better as he still got to be close to you in his own way with the playful fights you always seemed to pick with him

- it was easier than confronting his feelings or rejection

- this mission proved to make things so much harder for him tho

- like yeah he saw you being a badass plenty of other times but now ?

- he got to see you being all clingy and grumpy in the morning (he never knew being called a dumbass while you were falling back asleep on his shoulder was his thing but hey) , got to see your nose scrunch up when you were focusing on mapping out the position of the vent system of the venue

- he could go on for hours about how much he loved you and your plan was not making it easy.....profiting off the yakuzas' plan took way too much waiting and he understood that you wanted it to go as well as possible but he just couldn't keep living like this until then

- it felt like torture

- and he did not want to see you in that gorgeous dress that you were supposed to wear at the auction during the infiltration

- he knew that a couple more days could drive him crazy and make him do dumb shit like kissing you

- he had thought about that a lot of times but never brought himself to do it because je knew it was pointless

- he had to take action now

- the night of the opening ceremony, the day before the Yakuzas would start their scheme

- both of you were laying in your beds, awake, that was a habit you had developped over the past nights, you were just, aware of each other's presence and then sometime you would ask him something about his life, his friends, himself

- it made his heart beat too fast everytime and he could feel himself falling even more by the second when he heard you giggling talking about the time you pulled a prank on your friend Yaku with Kuroo

- he knew that you were already very sleepy from the way you were slurring your words

- "Y/N do you hate me ?" He said, abruptly and he heard a strangled laugh coming from you followed up by the question

- "what's that for dummy ?"

- "please answer" he asked in a whisper, sounding almost desperate

- you took a second to think about it

-you had grown quite close to your tall partner in such a short period of time, even letting your guard down and stopping from being so defensive

- "i don't hate you....i could never" you said the last part more to yourself tho but Matsukawa didn't miss it, he wished he did as he heard the soft sighs coming from your now sleeping form

- his heart ached as he got up, putting on his black coat over his mathing turtleneck shirt, taking his gun and spare map of the auction venue

- you were totally going to hate him now....

- and then he left for the opening party

- the rain was pouring outside

- for some reason you couldn't sleep well that night

- that only happened whenever Kuroo was out on a mission at night or Kenma was working in his office

- you hated sleeping alone, you couldn't do it

- being alone was the one thing you dreaded the most in your life, death was nothing if nobody knew where you were, if nobody aknowledged your existence you weren't alive

- but Mattsun was there and you trusted him.

- yeah you were kind of an ass to him during like 90% of your interactions with him but you just didn't know how to talk to him ??? He was so strong and good at what he did so you couldn't help but feel admiration but also intimidation

- yet you've felt probably more comfortable with him than anyone in your life (yes even Kuroo and Kenma weirdly enough)

- it was a nice feeling

- maybe it was because you saw him differently than them...

- but anyway

- you felt like yourself around him

- and yet

- why couldn't you sleep ?

- "Mattsun ?" You called out to him, voice cracked from not having used it for a while

- no answer

- maybe he didn't hear you over the rain....?

- you had a bad feeling about this

- "Mattsun ?" You called out a little louder, sitting up

- yep definitely

- you turned on the light and to your surprise, Matsukawa was nowhere in sight

- your heart sunk at the realization

- you were alone

- what about the plan ? Ah its true that he never said anything about it

- did he not trust you enough with it ? Did he think you were too assertive ?

- you wanted to cry but it seemed as if your brain wasn't working, your body rushing on its own to check the date and time on your phone : past 10pm on thursday night.....

- the opening party !

- "shit shit shit he must have gone there to take them by surprise wtf is he thinking doing this alone?" You thought aloud, maybe it would trick your body into not being scared

- at this point you were terrified, rushing to get the red dress on as well as putting your 2 guns under each of your thigh straps

- is he alone ? Surrounded by highly trained and dangerous Yakuzas ? What if....you were too late ?

- you didn't have time to think too much about it as you knew that this kind of thoughts led nowhere.

- you had to infiltrate that party the fastest you've ever done in your life and see for yourself, luckily, the venue was only a few crossroads away from your appartment

- truth was Mattsun's plan was not so bad

- after all you had insisted on making him find info on every staff member there too so it's thanks to you if he just so happened to know what type of guy that one waitress liked in order to flirt with her and convince her that he had forgotten his watch in one of the closed off aeras of the venue

- the place was absolutly gigantic, after all it was a mansion bought will illegal money

- he hated this, he just wanted to get it over with, retrieve the sword, gtfo and go back to Miyagi forever so that he wouldn't feel the pain of the illusion of being by your side when you were clearly far ahead of him

- you'd always been anyway

- he had finally reached the generator room and opened the vents with much difficulty as the room was a mess of cardboard boxes and storage shelves

- he was just going to cut the power, which would take about 15 minutes to get back, allowing him to go thru the vents to the main hall that was right thru the wall to his side, retrieve the sword and just make a run for it

- hopefully the rain would cover most of the sound he made so that was even better

- see that would have been great if he hadn't felt the icy cold metal of a gun at the nape of his neck as he was fiddling with the generator

- he had been caught.

- it was the end.

- shit he fucked the whole mission over and now even you didn't have a chance to-

- "what exactly do you think you're doing Mattsun ?" You said coldly even tho the hurt in your tone didnt go unnoticed by the taller man

- "haha Y/N whatchu doing here on this fine night ? You look stunning btw"

- "Cut the crap shitty eyebrows i asked you a question"

- you finally lowered your gun allowing your harsh glare to show how upset you truly were

- damn, Matsukawa really felt shitty :\

- he'd never seen you like that- well not soaked from the rain but....so vulnerable to him

- all your feelings talks happened in the dark of night in your hideout, he'd never seen your face look so pained before

- "I did what was best for both us..."

- "bullshit." He wasn't sure that he believed himself either to be honest

- "what the fuck are you even doing anyway ? I thought you and i were in this mission together ?? Did nothing matter to you ? I finally think that i found someone who i could trust other than my fucking family and that's what you do ? Ditch me for your own profit ?? You did what was best for your damn self Matsukawa"

- you were upset. He got it really, his insecurities had gotten the best of him like they often did....except he didn't have the strength to confront them, to confront you about it. So he got it and he didn't retaliate.

- "so what ?? You're not even going to say anything ?? Not even TRY to fucking apologize ? Do you really don't care ?" You searched for his eyes, but little did you know that he just....couldn't talk nor maintain eye contact with you right now

- "Mattsun...i thought you and i had...something ? I don't know maybe i hallucinated or some shit but i thought we were at least friends you know ? D-did you ever tolerate me at all ?"

- your voice cracked, it got lower and it cracked, and at that moment he was sure his heart broke right at this instant too

- he wanted to tell you that that was the farthest thing from the truth

- he wanted to tell you that he loved you

- but you were too far. Once again, you were miles ahead of him, more than ever

- and the sound of voices coming from the corridor did NOT HELP

- you could not afford being found here so with the professionalism left in you, you pushed your feelings away and pulled Mattsun behind a shelf, crouching and waiting

- you were so close he could feel you shivering from the cold and he felt so so bad

- but now was not really the moment

- "didn't you hear shouting ?" Shit. Maybe you should have waited until getting out of here for your heart to heart because this guard was definitely not trippin

- there were 2, luckily they didn't have the idea to split up to search the room, all you had to do was move low and close to the walls in order reach the door and well....the katana literally could not matter less to any of y'all rn

- at this moment you really regretted going out in such a hurry completly forgetting to contact Kenma, he could have hacked into the camera system and told you were they were so easily.....

- anyway, despite that you guys were stealthy enough to get out if the room

- now the problem was getting out of here.....

- you held Mattsun's wrist loosely as you ran thru the corridor of the building, thunder raging and labored breathing filling the silence

- "Y/N we could get out from the rooftop !" Right....if you could only get there then maybe you could just parcour your way out of this by getting on other rooftops....damn you were glad Matsukawa always thought of every escape plan possible

- you didn't really mean what you said earlier

- yes, you were disappointed but, you were also scared for his dumbass

- and rn may not be the best moment to realize it as you were most likely in a life of death situation but....you loved him

- fuck you loved him so much that you were running in a goddamn dress right now

- "i truly hoped it wasn't you" said a voice from the end of the lobby

- of course it just had to be the Yakuza boss you dreaded so much

- Kondo was just standing there, arms crossed but you knew better than to take her lightly

- "did you come to retrieve it ?" Its funny how her voice seemed to dominate even the full on storm outside, the occasional lightning bolt shining light from the huge windows into the corridor

- "No....let us pass please we just want to leave" Mattsun felt how tensed you were and immediatly rested his hand on his gun handle under his coat

- "yeah sure sweetheart but only if you tell your guard dog to calm down unless he wants me to cut his fingers clean off" she threatened nonchalantly as her hand met the handle of her own katana strapped to her belt

- Matsukawa was deadass glaring at her so hard you didn't recognise him

- he honestly looked like he could take her on but...you didn't feel like testing this theory tonight

- "hey hey, it's alright" you soothed him, putting your hand on his arm and squeezing slightly

- it seemed to work because he quickly let go of his gun even tho he was still glaring

- "let us go" he said firmly

- she pushed herself out of the way and motionned with her arm as if to say "go on~" in the most theatrical way

- you passed her without issues and soon found yourself on the roofs as planned in Mattsun's escape route and made it safely to the streets, rain still pouring

- you were finally letting out a breathe you didn't know you were holding all this time

- you were alive and most importantly, so was he

- you turned around and were ready to say something when he cut you off by grabbing your arms and pulling you into a kiss

- it was short but it managed to get his point across very well as well as warm you up when he wrapped his arms around your waist, resting his forehead against yours

- "i love you Y/N....i swear i didn't mean to hurt you and put you in danger like that....if i knew i would have done things differently i-"

- "i love you too Mattsun and it's never been a problem to me, i've done way more dangerous things in my life than rescue my boyfriend from getting killed dummy"

- in the end, you weren't alone

- somehow he had become, your escape plan from it

[hmajorgirl]

so here I am for old times sake. it’s been 5 years and a lot has changed. but i’m kinda still the same. maybe my inner monologue doesn’t sound as self-assured as it did when I was 15. maybe i don’t romanticise the shit out of every 2 second eye contact i make with cute strangers. maybe i don’t grammar well anymore because i think it’s a cute look. Oh wow. so much of the world has changed. facial recognition, instagram shops, the pandemic... so many new songs i play on repeat until i’m sick of them. i’m a lot less motivated than i was before, and i’m ashamed to admit that. i have smile lines. i feel more and more defeated everyday (actually, we’re trying to work on this). but yh the sad emo vibes never quite dissipated like i dreamed they would, i felt so betrayed by the order of things and the way of the world that i lost a lot of hope. gave up on myself (a bit... a lot sometimes). but other times, it’s gucci. i feel like i’m definitely more cringe than cheesy now. not sure if that’s a good thing, pretty sure it’s not. 

hmm. what hasn’t changed? still unfortunately in love with love, but i can mostly see the difference between real life and the cute shit that happens in my head. i’m learning to have faith, to trust. to start living life and exist in the same dimension as other people because even though it sucks, it’s better than existing alone in your head. i realised that studying will only get you a quarter of the way to things and unfortunately stopped that shit. it wasn’t a good idea because i didn’t pick anything else up. i’m still writing songs. still singing them badly. BUT my singing has improved marginally:) i still love my parents, family is all good (touch wood). still a bit too impressionable but we’re working on building a stronger willpower and independence. still love taylor swift. still want to run away to the creative industry. still want to runaway sometimes (in general). I still write! sometimes. wow, i guess some things really just don’t change. 

The good? Hmm my eyes have been opened to the multi-dimensions of wealth and inequality and cultural differences that exist in the world. I am thankful for that and didn’t know that money could buy so much. but simultaneously feel disheartened that the discrepancy is so large between people at birth. inequity is real and idk how i feel about that because i really believed in the natural justice system. and then I was so caught up in these feelings of betrayal and injustice that i forgot that i am lucky enough to have the opportunity to change things. I forgot about it for 5 years and now it feels like it’s too late. i know it’s not. 

that was a digression. 

the good. okay. hmm discovered korean dramas and the mastery that is cinema and how it evokes emotions through stories and idk that’s just a piece of my soul coming together. i work out occasionally. sadly i stopped dance but i’m vowing to sign up for classes once i have the money. i got a spotify membership and spend my days making playlists for myself and it’s one of the best things that has ever happened to me. I really hate how my inner core is so soft and romantic, it’s not fit for the capitalist society that we’re living under. i have friends, i like them, they like me. there is a guy, maybe. there were a few guys actually. i’m not sure how long this one is going to be around for GAHHH omg imagine if i re-read this in five years time and i’m laughing at myself because he screwed me over so bad idk. i have bad self-esteem issues. i am kinda joking, kinda not. okay, i like him but let’s move onto another topic. i’m trying my best to adult and be honest with my feelings and approach things with feigned maturity to mask my pre-teen thoughts. let’s leave it at that:)

i remember that taylor said that the lucky one was the hardest song to write for the red album. because it was solely about her and her life. no guys (apart from the second verse but okay that’s not central to the song). it’s the same for me. i don’t want to talk about the direction of my professional life because it scares me more than messing my life up romantically. for now, i’m beginning to see the role of passion and interest in work and it’s importance. I’m trying my best to walk towards that direction because i know that ultimately i want a career that I would love to work overtime for. but i’m still trying to balance the scales between what i want and the confinements of reality. i need to make money. sometimes it feels like an either or kind of situation and i don’t know what to do. but maybe this is just standard 20 year old thoughts. okay but we have 2 months left of uni so i’m going back to studying. i hope that when i look back on this i would have a 2:1 bachelors (but let’s be honest we want a first) 

some final thoughts for 25 year old me because why not make your tumblr a time-capsule? dodie-style. 

what are you listening to right now? I’m listening to 21 by gracie. Are you seeing anyone? Honestly, I don’t see you in a steady relationship because i feel like your self-esteem will get in the way of things - either that or you get your shit together and focus on your career too much. I hope it’s the latter. I hope family is all well and healthy. call them. right now, if you’re not living with them. DEAR GOD PLS don’t still be living with them. OH GOD DO YOU HAVE YOUR OWN FLAT/HOUSE?? where are you by the way? london? what are you doing right now career-wise? how’s it going? is it what you want to do? does it fit in with your life plan? please tell me you have a life plan by now. i hope i’m proud of you. i hope you’re working hard. how are you? really? are you rich enough to afford therapy and weekly spin/pilates sessions? what’s up with your social circle? are you still writing? ARE THERE DRONES EVERYwhere? How’s chloe? Elizabeth? Jason? Update me, what happened with the guy - i want to hear a story. do you cook now? did you manage to turn your personality type from a 2/9 enneagram to a 3? bitch we gonna work on this. do you still write songs? can you sing? you don’t have kids right lmao pls no god help us. what’s your yearly salary post-tax? did you start dancing again? did you start to learn piano again? what happened with the pandemic? how long were you quarantined for? do you still make spotify playlists haha? what tv series are you currently binging? do you hate me? please tell me your still blogging ur life on ur private instagram. how many followers do you have now? who are you having conversations right now with on facebook? what are your colleagues like? are you less people orientated now that you’ve realised that they cannot provide you with the love that you are depriving yourself of from yourself? DO YOU READ? are you the perfect health-freak, ig-girl, smart business woman, go-getter in her white suit at the glass media company that you dreamed about being at those dark spin sessions? GOD IMAGINE. I hope you are but i don’t have faith right now. pls tell me you don’t teach (or you teach and ur salary is insane in a good way). are you a journalist? you didn’t go into consulting right? did you study again after uni? are you the screenwriter that you’ve dreamed about? did your poetry account blow up and now you’re a full time poet? I still kinda hope you work at a nice glass office (brand consulting, advertising, media, journalism) and wear cute coords suits to work. and i hope you’re writing on the side because it’s who you are. I hope you’re reading lots and I hope you’re super smart and switched on. I hope you’re memory has improved a lot. I hope you’re in love, I hope he loves you back and I hope you know that too. I hope you have a great and healthy relationship with your parents and see your extended family and grandparents often. I hope everyone is healthy and I hope you took your parents to duck and waffle like you wanted (don’t do it when you’re poor though). I hope you’re taking care of your health and eating well. I hope you’re still dreaming in a realistic way. I hope you have great mentors and a supportive friend group. I hope you’re living your best life. re-read the defining decade. but i hope you don’t reminisce to much anymore and don’t write too many songs because you’re 25, time to break out the novel shit. I hope you’ve travelled alot. I hope you spend a few more summers in china falling in love with life and yourself again. how is your chinese? are you still a romantic? tell me, have you changed, if at all? do you read the news? are you less cynical about yourself and more realistic or less optimistc about the world? I hope you are. contingencies are important.

are you excited for the future? I hope you are. if not, please change, you have time, all you need is faith and diligence. hope you’re holding up well. Me? at 20? I’m excited about what my 25 year old self is going to be like, like i was excited to see what my gcse results were going to be like. I hope the results are the same. work hard. i love you. hope you love yourself more. BELIEVE IN YOURSELF. have faith. :) i can’t do much for you, but i hope i did a lot to get to where you are right now. hoping is useless, i’m going to work now. 

take care x

[isitandwonder]

i go back and forth with, yea the dude is dating this girl, so what. to wow its kinda funny all this is happening now right around the release of their movie. and the editor or whatever of cmbyn says that yesterday and today theyre wandering around together and shes wearing his shirt. idk, maybe its both their together and their playing it up. or its all fake. or its real. dont get it lol best to keep it light tho and realize the only real love is btwn him and armie lolol

Oh,nonnie, you asked (or maybe not lol):

What is truth? That question is keeping philosophers going since the old Greeks. Can we ever know what another person truely thinks and feels? What do we really know about people we interact with personally? We live in our cave and stare at shadows. So how can we assume anything about people we really don’t know at all?

Well, there are a few approaches. One is that you admit that you know nothing, that everything you believe (not know) is made up in your head anyway, so you can built YOUR OWN FANTASY. And it’s nothing wrong with that, as long as you stay aware that IT IS A FANTASY. You can’t prove or disprove a fantasy because it’s all in your head anyway, it’s highly subjective and made up.

And we are not curing cancer here, this is fun, so believe what you want if it helps you getting on with your life.

And isn’t it nice if you write or draw about THIS FANTASY and post it in fan spaces and find likeminded people with similar FANTASIES and you share them and a fandom grows and everyone has fun and is happy?

So, if, in this regard and context, for you, A&T are the greatest love story that ever happened, or LRD&T are the greates love story that ever happened, or Tim is secretly a shapeshifter, or a vampire, or is boning Glen Close - FINE! Knock yourself out. Believe what you want. Only, don’t insult or ridicule those who SHIP/dream/believe something else. Because no ship (aka FANTASY) is better than the other and there’s no truth to be found in a FANTASY. You either believe it or not and believe something else. It’s totally subjective and - as a FANTASY- there’s nothing wrong with that.

Trying to prove a fantasy is what leads to insanity. Believe me, it’s not that I wasn’t tempted at one point. Only, you know, I’m a scientist. And in science, when we start an experiment, we have a question or an assumption that we want to prove, not already an answer.

Because I don’t have to prove something that I know is true. You still with me? When I start to look for clues that A&T are together, lead by my knowledge (not assumption or question if) that they are together, of course I will only prove what I started with in the first place and ignore/disregard everything that speaks against my knowledge because I’ve known the truth from the beginning and will produce a narrative accordingly. This is called confirmation bias.

In that context, even the absence of proof is proof for something - and at this point, you can’t  argue with people who work like this because they have made their mind up long before they entered the argument. They had the answer before the question. For them, there isn’t an argument at all, because they KNOW. End of story.

True, sometimes the dog NOT barking is evidence. But for that to work there has to be a dog in the first place. If you don’t know that there is a dog, it not barking proves nothing.

So, again, can’t we know anything about anything? Well, there’s a thing called probability. Not all arguments are equally valid, some are more reasonable than others because we have experience, context, and from that we draw conclusions re the probability of things.

But lets first look at the evidence presented in favour of certain theories. I’ve been on this train for over 2 years. I saw a lot of the things going round in fandom and taken as proof for or against something now as it happened - and I have to say, many things got taken out of context and were blown up to much more proportian and meaning than at the time things happened. Pics have been cut in certain ways so people have been removed to make them look more intimate. Things no one has ever seen or knows anything about are suddenly taken as facts (a marriage contract, for example) just because they’ve been repeated so often by fans that they’ve been talked into existing.

These proofs are often photographic ‘evidence’. But pictures lie. And can be manipulated. What we see in them depends on lighting, angels etc. If you take a pic or vid out of context it can look as if it shows something totally different than it originally did. So never base anything solely on a single picture you didn’t even take yourself. Always ask for the context it has been taken in. Is it a fan snapshot? Is it a directed photoshoot? Has it been made during an official promo event? These things matter to determine the validity of the things show in these pictures.

For example, look at this:

Isn’t that a lovely pic of A&T? Doesn’t T look totally shagged out, bathing in the afterglow while Armie tells the world: ‘Look, he is mine!’ This is the photo as I saw it on tumblr.

This is the original:

As you can see, Tim is probably laughing at something Petra Collins says to him. This changes the whole context. And these things happened quite often in  the early days because we were shippers, we knew that we were wearing our shipper goggles, we spun a FANTASY, quite aware that what we were doing was playing freely with the facts. It wasn’t about proving something, it was about illustrating a fantasy. Taking these things now as proof for anything is absurd.

Same goes for interviews. These can be cut and edited in certain ways. Watch a whole press conference, not just the part your shipper heart loves if you want to get the whole picture (or live in the one sentence that makes your shipper heart flutter if this is just about your FANTASY).

As said in the beginning: no one on here knows these people and their circumstances. We didn’t even go to school with them, worked with them, or are their neighbours or in any direct contact with them whatsoever. So we base our judgement solely on currated content provided by them or people close to them, and public appearances that happen in a certain context like a movie premiere, and on very random public sightings by people we also don’t know and whose statements we can’t verify.

We can’t really built anything about their private lives upon these things, can we? It’s all highly speculative.

Okay, after having discussed the reliability of our evidence, lets move on to how to sort it. There is this thing called probability. In theory, everything is equally likely over an infinite period of time. But in reality, humans are able to learn from experience. And experience teaches us that some things are more likely than others.

Then there are facts. Facts are things we know to be true because they haven’t been falsified yet. For example, Armie is married. I know, there are many rumors going around about the state of his marriage, but as long as he’s not publicly divorced he got publicly married to EC and that’s the only thing we can work with. Otherwise, our already pretty sketchy footing slips away completely if we only work with hearsay, specualtion and gossip, and we end up with a fantasy again.

So, in our case: do we really think that friends, family, spouses, girlfriends, colleagues, ex-colleagues, ‘the press’ and random people on the internet are all conspiring since June 2016 together to hide that two actors - who to large parts of the world are totally unknown - are in a relationship, when, on the other hand, we have photographic evidence from multiple independent sources - and in Armie’s case even a marriage certificate and 2 children - showing that they are both with someone else?

Okay, but we’ve discussed the unreliability of photos. True. But it’s not just one cropped pic showing T with LRD. There are many, taken over a long period, by different people, professionally and privately. That makes them being a fact much more probable because why should all these people, who took those pics and reported sightings and don’t know each other and do gain nothing from their lies, lie? Isn’t it much more probable that what these pics show us is the truth?

On the other hand, what solid evidence do we have that A&T are a couple? We don’t even have one photo showing them kissing outside of a movie they made together 3 years ago. Compare this to pap and private pics of T&LRD kissing, that have been taken over a period of a year by different people. What does probability tell us here? That something we’ve never seen is more likely to be happening than something we’ve seen on different occasions, documented by different people independently for 12 months?

Isn’t it more likely that a man who’s never been seen out in public romantically involved with another man, who is married for years and has 2 children - is straight?

Isn’t it more likely that another man, who’s never been seen out in public romantically involved with another man either, who’s only other relationship the public knows of was with a girl, who - if he talks about his private life at all - talks about kissing a girl or wanting to impress a girl, who’s been photographed at different occasions by different people kissing a girl - is straight?

Leave aside what you want them to be and look at the facts, as sketchy as they are.

If you look seriously at what little facts we have - there is nothing reliable connecting A&T romantically that can’t be explained by them being friends and having filmed a movie together over 3 years ago. Everything else is subjective, projection, hearsay, wishful thinking, a fantasy, shipping, gossip, rumors.

Documented facts show us that their reality is incongruent with our ship. And if we start to disregard those facts it leads to sending hate to these very people because fans who took a ship for something real feel betrayed. So, please, sort facts from fantasy, take a look at the facts (not at projection, hearsay, wishful thinking, a fantasy, shipping, gossip, rumors) and draw your own conclusion.

What do you think is more probable when you look at proven facts? Probable, not true. There’s the possibility that I might get proven wrong someday. But, to me, all real evidence points towards T&LRD and AH&EC.

[kimdaily]

Can you reflect on your experience as a popular bts tumblr blog? Maybe describe how it felt when you were at your peak in a fandom that was stanning a group that was beginning to dominate kpop vs how it feels now to still be present (and still fairly popular I assume! ) in the tumblr sphere of the fandom post bts blowup? Also what do you miss most from your early days on here? And what are you most grateful for now?

oh wow this is such a fun question djgndskgn ummm okay well

I looooooved being on tumblr, it was an escape from my reality and pressures of school and life. before this blog “blew up?” it was so fun and relaxing. I met soooo many amazing people, a lot of which I’m still currently friends with outside of tumblr/have visited/travelled the world with/stayed with/ have stayed with me, etc. it was incredible, it was such a nice welcoming community, I was able to just be myself, talk to fellow fans, create content, act dumb, joke around, meme, talk about serious things, have in depth discussions about so many things bts and non bts related. especially with being a blog for one of the least ‘liked’ or stanned members, it really meant that everyone who was following me was a namjoon stan and wanted nothing more than to just talk about him, it was like a tight knit community within a huge community. it was so crazy and so exciting to see the fandom grow with every comeback. that was my favourite time during entire time with this blog on tumblr. that was my favourite part. people who spoke to me were genuine and kind, they wanted to get to know me, the person behind the blog and also just treated me like a human lol which definitely changed drastically

then this blog really started to get a loooottt of traction, and as soon as I hit 10k, things really changed and it was never the same. as this blog continued to grow bigger and bigger, things became increasingly intense, and INCREDIBLY negative and just super stressful. as the followers continued to grow, the less people viewed me as an actual human who was doing things on here during my incredibly limited free time as my own escape and ‘fun’ time, and the more they treated me like, straight garbage? lol I was constantly being picked apart, everything I said was scrutinized, things I would say would always, without fail get twisted and people with do whatever they can to get whatever negative narrative they wanted. I remember me once saying it was none of our business to discuss the members sexuality and that we shouldn’t just assume their sexuality and to leave them be, somehow turned into me ‘pushing a straight agenda’??? and I was literally just dragged. which still to this day I still don’t understand how people somehow decided to take that out of what I said. I was always happy to speak to everyone and help anyone with any question they had but  at one point, despite me still trying my best, I was treated really poorly and like a literal like machine. if I missed something, or didn’t post something my inbox was always full of people yelling at me that this was my job and my job was to make things and keep the entire fandom updated with what’s going on. I also fully remember missing namjoons solo comeback because I was at work, and couldn’t be present to gif and make content, I got a shittttt load of asks telling me I was a horrible namjoon fan who doesn’t support him and stuff? like lol okay? what? or I would get yelled at if I didn’t respond to asks in a timely manner, because that was once again ‘my job’. my inbox also became google apparently. I would get hundreds of asks a day, with not a single person talking to me, and if I didn’t respond to those asks, I would get yelled at. I never really spoke about how many followers I had because tbh it didn’t really matter, I actually would often wish I was back to being a 5k blog and just having a good old time, I would get horrible asks about me being a bitch because this blog was ‘popular’ and that because it was, I was a horrible person?? or to just shut up because no one cares about me, or that I thought highly of myself because this was a ‘big blog’ which I still don’t understand, because I never acted differently throughout the years on this blog. I was always just myself. if anything I just became more closed off and learned to not bother speaking about myself/things going on in my life because I felt like people would be happier if I just did my ‘job’ even though this blog, was always just a personal blog that had a loooott of bts content, I was not like a dedicated bts blog. oh and I remember because I always was and still am a very blunt straight forward person, I would just speak whatever is on my mind, people would always misconstrue that as me being mean or rude. but anyway, I digress

I remember becoming incredibly scared to post, to say things, to do things because I was scared of continuously being attacked. I was scared to open my inbox, or my messages. like tbh even writing this I’m thinking “omg what if I don’t word something perfectly and people will get mad at me.” it’s honestly such a weird feeling to feel like you have to constantly edit yourself but also still trying to be yourself? idk how to explain it

but as much as I would crack and let all this shit get to me at times and publicly get upset, hurt or mad, I would also keep a lot of it to myself and just deal with the toxicity on my own, and just delete a lot of the messages or asks I got. because to me this blog was an escape, not just for me, but for everyone who followed me. I didn’t want people to come here and just see the negative shit constantly, I wanted them to continue to come here, have fun, and forget about whatever was going on in their lives, even if it was for just a few minutes. so even though that was no longer the case for me, I still wanted that for others. but it also got to the point that I was scared to turn off anon because I was scared of the potential backlash, but I also wanted those who wanted to be anonymous, who were not comfortable talking to me off anon to have that comfort in the anonymity etc. things just were really difficult, I always felt like what I was doing was wrong no matter what.

it also was very disheartening to notice a lot of other people only wanting to befriend me or interact with me because of the size of this blog. it kinda made it hard to become close to people after a while. people would make assumptions about me or literally hated me without even talking to me just because of the size of this blog.

there were so many times I wanted to delete this blog and make a new blog where no one knew who I was, just so I can start off fresh and relive the best parts of blogging in the first place. just have fun again. but I also didn’t find it fair to those who followed me, who relied on this blog for some sort of comfort. nor did I find it fair for me to lose something I worked hard on, and loved  

but on the other hand, there were SO MANY incredible people that followed me that made everything feel worth it. and I am so incredibly thankful and grateful for each and everyone of you. some of you really helped me when I was having some of the hardest times. some of the messages I would get had such a positive impact on me and my life. and like I mentioned before, I have met some amazing friends because of this site that are still some of my closest friends to this day. and for that, I will always be beyond thankful.

unfortunately I can’t say much about what has really happened on tumblr in the last like almost 2 years? I haven’t been around much and definitely would not consider this blog very if at all relevant haha in like mid? 2018 I kinda vanished from this site. I had a looooot of things going on in my personal life, like an insane amount of very complex, dark, hard, just straight up depressing things going on, and I was not able to deal with all of that, and the darkness of this blog so I left. I never meant for it to be as long as it has been, but it kinda just happened. like tbh part of me would love to kinda just open up about everything, though I did post a little something vaguely explaining what was going on with me. I know it didn’t make sense but I also wouldn’t even know where to start when it comes to explaining what has been going on. I also know because of what has happened with me, I was a real shitty person to some people on here. I also feel terrible that I had over 100 messages I never got around to answering during this time, and the 600+ asks I have sitting in my inbox right now. I know I let a lot of people down. but I also would like to say thank you to everyone and anyone who tried to reach out to me or giving me their best wishes during that time despite me not responding to most of you. please know I read every single thing that was sent to me, thank you

like part of me wishes I never left, but I know I wouldn’t have been able to do both, I was barely able to even survive what is going on in my personal life. I really miss this blog, I miss making things, I miss interacting with people, I miss fangirling, I miss so many things about this blog. despite everything, I would not take any of it back. having this blog was such a fun and unique experience, for the most part at least.

some unique ass moments like the fact I made a goupchat for namjoon stans to have fun and interact with each other and befriend each other in a more accessible and less intimidating way than over tumblr and I think at the peak there was 300+ people in that chat. and that chat is I believe 3 years old and is still active to this day. or that I somehow was in talks with a lot of namjoon fansites and actually worked closely with a namjoon fansite working on things. or people recognizing me in public which I still find wild, meeting some of you at the concerts and hanging out. or being able to befriend people with the same interests as me, becoming close friends and travelling together/visiting each other, etc. or the fact that I was able to help some of you though out some dark or difficult times, or opening up to me with things you’d not feel comfortable talking to with anyone else. or being told I was the inspiration for some of you to do so many things, like going back to school, changing majors, seeking help, loving yourself, etc. or getting sent fan art of myself???? that was crazy! there are so many more things I could say, but this post is already so long, and I doubt anyone is even still reading haha. but I never thought things like that would have happened to me ever, but it did, and I will be forever so thankful to all of you. thank you, and thank you to everyone who was there or me during the ups and downs. I know I wasn’t always the greatest friend I could have been, thank you for accepting me for who I was, thank you for being there when I needed an escape, thank you for everything.

this whole post is probably so poorly written, but esdljgknx I tried, I know I’m leaving out soooooooooo many things that I could have said or should have said, but this is already sooooo long holy. plus I have to get back to working on my stuff, the reason I came out to this coffee shop I’m sitting at right now haha

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #219

“make a move and you pay for it; pick a lord and you pray to it.”

Do you actually love your grandpa? I don't really remember either of mine. I do from what I remember and have learned of them, though. Do you actually love your grandma? I don't remember my dad's mom at all, but I mean, I love her simply for being my dad's mother, who loved her. My mom's mom, yeah, even though she's. Hard to like a lot of the time. Do you have Facebook? Yes. What was the last thing you posted on someone’s wall? A birthday post. Do you have MySpace? My old one still exists, but I sure haven't been on it since it was current. What is your favorite kind of music? Heavy metal. Favorite soft drink? Mountain Dew Voltage is actually cocaine to me rip. Favorite food? Probably like... pepperoni pizza or cheeseburgers. I'm a full-blooded 'Merican. Have you ever felt replaced? OH, HAVE I! Have you ever worn false eyelashes? No. Do you ever regret making a friend? I don't think so. Can you cure mental illness? I don't know about cure, but you can certainly learn how to handle it better and alleviate symptoms. Is God good? Define "God." Cats or dogs? Kitties. Do you play video games? Yeah, but I don't play nearly the variety that I used to. Do you take medication for mental health? Yes. Can you really be racist to a white person? No shit? Do you have a favorite hair accessory? What does it look like? No. What’s your favorite type of insect? Butterflies. What’s your LEAST favorite type of insect? Larvae, like maggots. Disgusting. Who was the last person you Facebook messaged? What did you say? What’s his/her favorite food? Idk and I don't feel like checking. I rarely use it. What was the last song you listened to? Does it mean anything to you? "Thoughts & Prayers" by Motionless In White is a mood with my mad-at-God-24/7 ass. It needs to stop honestly. I've become so hateful about religion. Not towards followers, mind you, just the concept itself. I could write a novel on this, but I don't feel like it. Just me and organized religion don't get along anymore. Have you ever slept in a water bed? On a water mattress, yeah. How do you feel about having sex during your menstrual period? Never tried, not for me. Sounds messy. Does your ex have a job? My most recent, I guess you mean? Yeah. Have you ever slept in a car? Yeah, on long drives to like New York and stuff. What was the last term of endearment you used (babe, hun, dear, etc)? *checks phone* "Sweetie." How often do you use Flickr? Never. I can't log into my account anymore since Yahoo said "fuck u Britt," so there's no point. Have you ever been on a blind date? No. Do you have a crush on the last person you texted? She's my girlfriend so y'know like- Have you ever got into an argument with the last person you kissed? We very much disliked each other at first, so... guess, lmao. Have you ever liked somebody who was nice to you, but horrible to everyone else? Eh, that's a mystery... Juan was very sweet to me, but I know he had a bad rep. I didn't really see how he interacted with others. How’s your appetite atm? It's normal. I'm not currently hungry. Out of all the conversations you’ve had recently, which one has made you smile or laugh the most? Sara randomly and excitedly texted me to tell me "Welcome to the Jungle" was on at work, which was on the radio both when I was there and she was here, so she thought of how much she missed me lakdjsfkalwe I smiled my face in half. Do you look decent in your most recent photograph? Eh, it wasn't awful. It was for my school ID. What is one vacation destination that many people think is just fabulous but which you personally have no desire to visit (or revisit)? New York City. My sis went and said it was 1.) insane and 2.) disgusting. If you were five years younger but knew everything at that age that you’ve actually learned over the last five years, what is one thing you would definitely do differently? Go to the partial hospitalization program way sooner. What serves as the greatest motivation for you in your daily life? To earn a happy, content future. What activity that you have to do every once in a while that you dread the most? "Every once in a while," I'd say clean Mitsu's cage. She is such a strange rat. Enjoys pets, but being picked up is a no sir. When people hear what you do for a living, what is the most typical question or comment they give you regarding your job? N/A If you were left alone for one hour with nothing more than a pen and a notepad, what would you be inclined to draw or write during those 60 minutes? I'd probably write a poem. I know I wouldn't draw 'cuz fuck no am I doing so with a pen. If you could witness anything at all in super-slow motion, what would you want to see? Uhhh. Idk. Anything I can think of, like lightning, I've seen because of the Internet. If someone were looking for you in a bookstore, in what section would they be most likely to find you? Probably like, young adult fiction/fantasy, something like that. What do you forget to do more often than anything else? Lately, take one of my mood stabilizers. I need to get the box out... aaaand forget every day. I haven't felt any different without it tho so like... If you could teach everyone in the world one skill, what would it be? Compassion, maybe. You’ve been offered the chance to paint a billboard along a highway with any message you choose, as long as it’s only 10 words long. What is your message? I'm not spending time musing over something that serious lakaljdsfawe. Would you ever travel to Africa? Hell yes. I desperately want to go to South Africa on the Tswalu Kalahari tour. Whose house were you last at? Besides my own, my older sister's. Have you ever had a near-death experience? I guess this depends on how near death you mean. I've been in one car accident that my mom managed to make minor only by being a good driver; realistically, we should've flipped, according to the cop. My mom just acted quickly enough. Then I heavily ODed, but I was given more than enough fluids in time to keep me surprisingly okay. I don't know what would've happened if I hadn't told Mom so quickly, and I don't care to think about it. I'm fucking lucky and don't want to think about what could've happened. Have you ever met anyone who was overly addicted to a computer game? Tbh I myself could've been in this position when my depression was so bad, but then there's factors to that that lean towards it just having been a preference versus addiction. Idk. It's not a problem anymore so not worth debating over. Have you ever been fingered? That was the first cheat when you chose abstinence lmao. What do you do the most when you are online? Watch or listen to something on YouTube. What video game have you played the most? So in WoW you can actually type in /played to see how long you've played JUST that one character up to the years (or maybe days?) down to seconds and. I will never type it in lmao. Ongoing games are v depressing. Do you have scars you don’t like to talk about? No, those are thankfully gone. What is something you and your significant other do that may seem weird to others? Be helplessly and openly in love with imaginary demons while dating each other lmao (she's a Freeza fanatic). When and why did you last cry? The second day of school because of math class. When was the last time you drank? I think like... back on the 4th of July. Or some days after 'cuz I know Mom and I didn't finish the container in one night. Do you wear jewelry a lot? Just my piercings, really. Save for on my ear lobes because the holes on the left are fucked up, yay. I'm going to wind up just slightly stretching the first holes when I can afford a small kit; actual studs or hoops look stupid. Never wanted gauges until the holes got too stretched by the weight of hoops; now something needs to be there. Who in your household do you not have a good relationship with? My sister's (who doesn't even live here...) dog Bentley. I hate him and he doesn't like me. No, that doesn't mean I mistreat a pet. He's just a pain in the goddamn ass. Who in your life are you scared to lose more than anything? My mom. I don't know what would happen to me or how I'd cope at this time. Honestly, would you rather be single or in a relationship? I'm happier in a healthy relationship. Do any of your friends not get along at all? No. I mean, not that I know of. What are your 3 favorite internet sites? I'd be LOST without YouTube, then KM follows up close. #3, uh... Facebook or Tumblr, I suppose. Have you ever gotten anything autographed, if so by who & what was it? No. Well, I do have a little book of Disney World character autographs, but I don't think that really counts. Do you prefer Walmart or Target? We use Wal-mart. Who is your favorite model? Sara is a gd model don't even @ me about it. What have you done that is out of character for you? The Joel thing is the most anti-Brittany thing I've ever done for sure. I can't think of anything more current that stands out, unless it's- NO WAIT, this was quite a few months ago, but I firmly stood against an opinion my psychiatrist made known. He's very talkative and open as hell about his beliefs in current events, and he said something about pit bulls where I was just like... um no sir. I wasn't going to be rude though to HIM of all people so just said I don't base dogs by their breed and shut up. Awkward silence and we moved on. What do you feel strong enough to protest about? LGBT acceptance and rights. I already protest by having given up Chic-fil-a okay I care y'all. What’s the biggest blooper you’ve never lived down? Who knows... What is the best thing you have done just because you were told you can’t? Idk. I'm lucky to not have really been told that... What are you most thankful for? Thinking it all over, probably being born where I am. Boy is America FUCKED UP in some places, but boy would I be in a MUCH worse place if I was born in, say, North Korea, between my mental issues, sexuality, and opinions that can go to either end of the spectrum. How do you feel about thrift shops or flea markets? I love them! You can find the coolest, wackiest shit. What do you like to put gravy on? I hate gravy with a passion. Have you ever gone canoeing/kayaking? No. What one thing in particular makes you feel good about yourself? I genuinely think I'm a nice person that has other's well-being in mind. What is priceless to you? Love, in any form. What is one thing you know about your family history you’re proud of? Uhhh. I guess more than anything, I'm proud of my distant cousin for her unwavering love for and loyalty to her daughter when it came to escaping the Middle East and her dictatorial husband. Read Not Without My Daughter, it's great. Do you keep a budget? I don't have an income. What makes you feel rested and refreshed? Rested, a good night's sleep following being truly exhausted. Refreshed, oh man, gimme a hot, long shower. Who depends on you the most? Nobody. Could you ever be someone’s bodyguard? Hell no. Has one of your biggest fears come true? Yes. I was entirely convinced the world would literally end if Jason left. That night still doesn't feel real. Have you ever let your mom or significant other fight a battle for you? Colleen and Mom once fought after I'd ignored her, so I guess? It wasn't my wish or anything though for her to do it; Mom had shit to say by her own volition, and I wasn't going to tell my mother "no you can't do that." Did you create a checklist for your ideal spouse? No? Have you ever ridden on a subway or train and what did you like about it? Nope. Do you have to experience something to fully understand it? Yes. What embarrasses you instantly? A LOT A LOT A LOT!!!!! It is SO easy to embarrass me, including second-handedly. Do you think you could be a firefighter, why/why not? Hell no, I'm most certainly not in the necessary shape, and quite honestly I'm not that willing to risk my life for random people that could be assholes. What do you think should be censored? Idk. I have mixed feelings on censorship, no matter how stupid it seems. Eh... yeah, idk. Are you related to anyone famous or historical, if so who? Queen Victoria and William Clark. Would you ever donate a kidney to anyone, and who? Depends on who and obviously if we're even compatible. Have you ever fired a gun? No. What is the main quality you think makes a great parent? Sincerely caring for them, probably. Who is a female role model in your life? My mom, in some ways. What childhood dreams have you neglected? Jfc a lot, I don't want to think about it. What do you have trouble seeing clearly in your mind? My future, honestly. It's hard picturing my elderly days. Like I'm not suicidal anymore, I just don't really... realize I'll get there, I guess. I can't picture myself being old and alive. Would you travel to space if possible? No, too long of a trip. Are you an optimistic person? I'm a realist. Do you consider yourself more realistic OR idealistic? ^ Have you ever felt bi-curious? I started out accepting myself as bisexual through thinking myself as bicurious. I quickly realized "bisexual" was more accurate than "bicurious," but it was an easier thing to shift acceptance towards in regards to yourself when you thought you were straight for 21 years. Are you a fan of U.S. President Donald Trump? No sir. I agree with some of his ideas, but I hate him as an asshole person without a trace of manners. Do you know anyone with autism, mood disorders or learning disabilities? Multiple. I'd assume most people know someone who fits at least one criterion there. Are you green-eyed? Not exactly, but they definitely have a green hue to them. They're a gray/green blue. Would you consider UFC fighting and WWE real sports events? I think it's beyond debate that a lot of it is staged, but I mean, I guess to a degree? You still have to fight. It's physical exertion. Have you ever had an immediate relative pass away of cancer? No. Wait. I can't remember if my grandmother had cancer or not... but I don't think so. She was just old. Would you rather work in an office, warehouse or on a retail shop floor? An office, definitely. In my work-hunting as well as actual work experience, office work is probably the only job I could actually do that doesn't require a degree... Do you have a favorite wild animal? Why? You can't know me and not be fully aware meerkats are my favorite animal. Why? Ho boy. I love social species, and meerkats have such strong personalities, and holy shit are those little things brave as fuck. They're so GOSH DARN CUTE!!!! too, and their loyalty to each other is astounding. I love how playful and curious the little guys are, and... just wow okay, I could write an actual essay on how I adore meerkats so goddamn much. Do you have any unusual, uncommon phobias? I'm sure there are other people afraid of whale sharks, but I don't think it's common? And is an actual phobia of pregnancy uncommon? Idk. Do you prefer Android or iPhone? I hate my Android. I've had an iPhone in the past, and it was great. Are you a fan of sweet, sour, salty, or savory snacks? All, depending on my mood. Most often I'd say I like sweet. Do you believe climate change is real? We can't be friends if you don't. Do you believe in evolution OR creationism? Evolution. Do you think people can really predict the future? Nah. Have you been to a lot of shrinks? I hate that word. Just call them therapists. But yeah. How often do you clean your room? Not often enough. I need to dust... Any movies coming out soon that you want to see? I DESPERATELY wanna see the "Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark" one. Those books were my CHILDHOOD. What was the last fear you overcame? I don't know about totally overcame, but vocational rehab helped me quite a bit with answering the phone to numbers I didn't recognize. Have you ever hurt yourself trying to crack a body part? No, nothing on me really cracks. Well no, both my big toes do, but no, I haven't hurt myself trying to crack them. What’s the worst part about winter? The days where it's cold BUT ALSO WINDY asdkljfaklwej;awe Summer? It's too fucking hot and probably humid, too. Spring? POLLEN. Fall? Literally nothing. :') Are you allergic to anything? Pollen and silver. How many times have you changed a diaper in your life? Like, once. Which country has the most fascinating culture? Oh boy, idk. Who does your favorite song? Idrk what my current favorite song is. I say my all-time fave is "False Flags" by Massive Attack, but it's not something I constantly wanna listen to. I guess you could maybe say it's "Headache" by Motionless In White; I play and repeat that a lot. I've really been digging them lately. When was the last time you wore makeup? Shit dude, idk. Months ago. Do you prefer males or females or both? I'm generally afraid of men, but I mean, I don't "prefer" one over the other if he's a good guy. Where in your town do you go when you wanna chill with a few friends? I don't have any friends I go out with. But there's nowhere to go here anyway. Where’s the best place to get coffee? N/A Have you ever seen someone struggle with an addiction? My dad was an alcoholic, but he's recovered. He loved (idk if he still does it) fantasy football, too. Pretty sure I got my addictive personality from him, lol. When was the last time someone gave you flowers? Early 2017. Do you like cranberry juice? omfg NO. Do you play any zombie-killing video games? The Last of Us is fucking dope, but I didn't finish it before my PS3 broke. :'( I like the Resident Evil series too, and some of those games have zombies or similar creatures. And The Walking Dead game tears my heart out every fucking season. What is the dominating genre on your mp3 player/iPod? Varying forms of metal. Do you have a book shelf? No. What website do you spend way too much time on? YouTube is ALWAYS open. I constantly either watch let's players and a few other kinds of YTers, moving windows around so I can see it and do other things, or listen to music. Do you like wind chimes? I LOVE!!!!!!!!!! WINDCHIMES!!!!!!!!!! Do you have a fetish? No. Do you have a pet fish? No. Don't get me wrong, they're beautiful and calming, but not worth it for me personally. They don't have much of a personality at all, and cleaning a tank so much for just a fish isn't for me. Do you like kettle corn? (That sweet and salty popcorn) Yessss! Do you enjoy classic rock? Hell yeah, man. When was the last time you went for a walk, just cause? Not since I was at Sara's last. Do you listen to Type O Negative? No. Do you have any fillings or cavities? Yeah. Have you gotten your wisdom teeth taken out yet? No, and thankfully I don't need to. One was very close to needing to be, but it has just enough room. Do you actually read privacy policies when signing up for new things? "Depending on what I’m signing up for, I’m likely to at least skim it." <<< This. Did you have a lot of birthday parties when you were younger? If so, did you invite everyone in the class? I had a party every year up to... idk what age. And no, I only invited friends. Do you like when things are color coordinated? Yes. Have you ever participated in one of those “guess how many jelly beans, mints, etc. are in this jar!” contest? if so, have you ever won? Yeah, and no. Can you juggle? Nope. Have you ever mistaken a ringing phone on TV or in a movie for your own? Who hasn't? How often do you use bobby pins? Never. My hair's really too short for them. Well, I'd probably pin the right side up if I was doing something like cleaning. Do you live on an avenue, road, drive or something else? Road. What are your school colors? Blue and white. Have you ever taken a picture with Santa when you were little? Yeah. Have you ever rolled down a steep, grassy hill for fun? Actually yeah. Do you like Nerds candy? Yes I do.

[taeguboi]

BTS as Boyfriends [HC]

Request:  ‘bts as boyfriends? ☺’

There’s kind of a story in each? Idk, hope you enjoy!

Warning: some nsfw mentions

Rap Monster

You fall for his intelligence and humour

He falls for your shyness around him

You finally tell a friend out loud about your crush on him

unaware that he’s nearby and within hearing distance

So he asks you out on a date

he doesn’t expect for you to want more than the one date

so you get the impression afterwards that it meant nothing to him

you try to move on

he hates watching someone else being so close to you

Everything changes;

he interrupts your conversation, not caring to be rude

“I can’t stand it anymore”

*intense kiss* *everybody cheers, huzzah!* 

Learning is suddenly more fun

school was a drag back in the day

but his stories capture your attention

You just let him sit talking for hours about a book he just read

Matching jumpers

snuggy snug snug

winter becomes more enjoyable

it’s freezing and miserable outside but

you’re sat by the fire with joonie

well laid on the couch by the fire falling asleep

as he reads you a bedtime story hahaha

you get through books together at the same time and it’s magical

there’s always something to talk about

whether it’s a debate / discussion about a book

or about something really little like 

how you each prefer something and why

and you appreciate the little differences 

but you also appreciate how you change and shape each other into better rounded human beings

excuses to be skinshippy with you

*grabs your butt*

“it looked cold”

okay I didn’t say they were good excuses...

Everyone thinks he’s this confident, outgoing guy

but when you’re around he’s all cutesy and always bumping into things

He gets so distracted by you

and he really does try not to perv on you

like he really tries

but his thoughts just come out in one big list of adjectives 

that progressively get a little nsfw

“How do I look Joonie?”

“Damn, you’re gorgeous, you’re beautiful, you’re sexy...”

*winks*

Sex isn’t limited to the bedroom

just as you think you’re seeing shy squishy joonie

he takes you into a storage cupboard mid-party

and wow

you swear it’s the best you’ve ever had in your life

but then you find you keep saying that yo yourself

he’s so attentive

it’s all about you

he doesn’t mind if you focus on him later but

it’s more fun when you put just as much attention in at the same time

because your boy gets FLUSTERED

he’s so cool until you touch him just right...

but anyway

back to fluffy content

oops

Namjoon shows you the world

all without travelling

he’s so well educated

so cultured

the works

he’s the best teacher you never asked for

everything is fun

everything is interesting

everything is awesome

and all of this is going to last a lifetime

Jin

He only has eyes for you

way before you become an item

Purposely awkward af when you’re in a conversation with someone who could be a threat

to put them off

Always asking about your well being

He’s just happy that you’re happy

getting to talk to you in the first place makes his day

but then when he asks how you are and you respond with a smile

that really hits the feels 

At first he’s so smooth

there’s nothing flawed about him

Then you find out what a dork he is

squeaky laughter

bad jokes

sorta clumsy, even

but he’s still perfect 

and still a gentleman

His friends have never seen him laugh so often in his life

you make him look even more radiant

you’re the funniest person to him

even though you never really had yourself down as ‘comedian’

he loves your type of humour

Making breakfast together

back hugs

it’s one of those little things in life

and one of those things that make you miss him more when you’re apart

One night a week is definitely date night

he never misses it or forgets

He makes everything special

even the really little anniversaries / milestones

ones you didn’t even realises were a cause for celebration

“Chocolates? Whatever for?”

“It’s been half a year since we made us public”

“Aw, Jin... You realize people don’t usually get gifts for things like that?”

“I just... I wanted to”

The most generous man

all he needs is that you return the love

and remind him of everything you love about him

especially in bed

he’s in charge

but it’s only because he likes to take care of you

he may not be as daring as some of the other members

but every inch of the house has been covered

very intimate, passionate lover

the love just makes it more special

as well as more sensual for him 

emotion is everything

and not a day goes by that he doesn’t think of you with adoration

he brings you back things from a normal food shopping trip

because he was thinking of you

he tries not to make his social media all about you

but at least 50% ends up being that

it works to his advantage though

because girls are still after him

and then that selfie he posted yesterday sends them the message 

to back off

he’s so perfect

that none of your estranged school ‘mates’ are having any of it

and after hearing this

he invades your snapchat

selfie after selfie after selfie whilst you’re asleep

and whilst you’re not sure you appreciate that one shot of you being asleep

it shuts all the haters right up

and now they’re probably crying 

oh well

he is proud to show you off

“hey everyone! look at this amazing thing my girlfriend/boyfriend did!”

he’ll do anything to make you laugh

anything

if you’re having a bad day then that just won’t do

he’s taking you out

or he’s treating you for a night in

and he’s definitely treating you to his dad jokes

and then you’re in stitches

Jin makes you forget everything that sucks about life

Suga

Too shy to start talking to you

but somehow you exchange numbers one day

So it becomes a heavily text-based friendship that you form

He has to be sure he won’t make a fool of himself

Actions are louder than words

he might not say much about how he feels about you

but there’s gestures every day

like how he brings you coffee to work

or how he offers to pay for food

you figure it out eventually

and you really like him to

but how to say it?...

so anyway, one day, you kiss

you know, casual

“so does this mean...?...”

yes

bam! you’re a couple!

You complete him

and he can’t imagine life without you

nights without you in his bed are lonely

People think he’s cold and indifferent

but you make him soft soft soft

like he’ll pretend not to be ticklish

oh but hahahahaha you find out he is

“Ah! Jagiyaaaa! Hahahahahah!”

Just hug him all the time

sometimes you complain about how you look

but he just smiles at you and you know what it means

Only you can stop him from over-working

he’s just sat at his laptop, eyebrows furrowed

talk dirty to him so he doesn’t go insane

don’t forget to wear his clothes

he loves watching you roam the house in an over sized shirt

those similarities are what he holds onto

if there’s no common ground, then what would be the point, huh?

sharing is caring

one headphone each on bus journeys

you can have some of his fries at the takeaway

big cocktail for you both to have on a night out

under the same blanket on colder days

he loves it when you unexpectedly touch him

drives him crazy

one minute it’s all innocent and lovey dovey

then your hand is on his dick and fuuuuck

too soon?

nah

the programme you were watching is forgotten about

so is all his sense of surroundings

the curtains are wide open and there you are pumping him up and down

and he doesn’t even notice or care

fuck he loves you

not just because of that obvs

but after your first time initiating something more sexual 

he does not stop thinking about you

like holy shit this is real

yippie

he loves your kisses

he can’t go a day without

well he can but it’s torture

when aren’t his hands on your waist?

and fuck he still can’t stop kissing you

not too much in public of course

but at home in mid conversation

after every sentence

until there’s just like half an hour silence 

and you’re smooching each other’s faces off

you’ll never feel short of love or attention with Yoongi

J-Hope

As soon as he notices you: personality turnaround

Cool, manly, swagger

not a precious easily shook bby at all

He’s kinda distracting

like you’re trying to work here, but

he’s too funny and handsome

and he knows it, even though he’s too modest to admit it

But then one day something moves abruptly

and he gets shook and it’s the cutest thing to you

but he’s so embarrassed 

he could just run away forever 

because he thinks he done fcked up

wrong!

“aw, cute” you respond

*dorky grin emerges on Hobi’s face*

*comes into work next day on a motorbike* 

[think j-dope era]

You make it clear that this doesn’t change your new impression of him

The typical ‘chase’ love story

He likes you but you take a while to give him the time of day to make sure he’s worth it

and he is worth it

there’s like a solid week where he brings you something everyday

and you don’t want this poor boy emptying his wallet so fast

so you give in to how you feel

“okay, okay! I’ll go on a date with you”

but you insist on paying the bill to make up for his troubles

but he won’t have it

you eventually agree to split the bill

and that starts the foundations for

a completely equal relationship

what you give is what you get

a problem shared is a problem halved

and all the other cliches about sharing

excitable cutie pie

“Y/n! Y/n! Y/n!”

Yeah, he’s kind of gathered that he can’t hide his true self from you

He wants to discover the world with you

he takes risks and tries new things for you

he tries to be braver than he really is

“Let’s go on the rollercoaster y/n!”

“Are you sure Hobi? You screamed so much last time...”

“Well, yeah... 

“... That was my first time...

“... and I didn’t know for sure if it was safe...”

sure hobi, sure

The best team

your respective skills combined are all powerful

you can solve any problem together

you become that couple that are great at creating other couples

so many couples dates come out of it

it’s because you’re good at learning people’s true personalities fast

and he’s the best persuader

oh and he’s great at suggesting places to go

everyone enjoys the company of both of you

if only one of you can attend something

everyone asks about the other

you come as a package

“we” instead of “I” comes out in sentences a lot

but it’s not that either of you are too clingy

you both genuinely enjoy each other’s company for extended periods of time

like one day it’ll be like

“it’s the weekend and a bit rubbish weather to go do anything so d’ya wanna come over for the afternoon to watch some movies?”

and then next thing you know

it’s Friday next week

and you’ve been there all this time

whoops

Tries to hide when he’s in the mood at a bad time

but he talks slow and deep without meaning to

so he can never hide from you

and whilst he doesn’t have to tell you he’s turned on

you have your little methods of making him say it aloud

like when you grab his thigh

and then he’s like

“oh fuck I need you”

y/n at your service hobi...

you’re so good to him

that bless his soul

he always says ‘thank you’ afterwards

“you don’t need to thank me Hobi”

“but that was great”

bless

everything is still special as the relationship progresses

and whilst he’s always loved referring to you as his girlfriend / boyfriend

he loves it even more when he gets to say ‘fiance’

fairy tale wedding

he’s like a prince

honeymoon at disney world

because it’s everything your relationship stands for

the rides where Hobi takes risks for you

the fairy tale like love for each other

you even each go for the makeover package one day

it’s probably cringe to a lot of people

but you’re his wife / husband now so he doesn’t care

Jimin

Admires you from a distance

he hates how his friends can so easily talk to you

he wants to be more like them, so he tries hard

Finally, he plucks up the courage to initiate and engage in a proper conversation

“Hey” with a shy smile

Suddenly you become besties

there’s something about Jimin you trust deeply in

He can’t stop smiling around you

you can’t stop smiling around him

eventually you both figure it out

At first, his jaw is aching from all the smiling

he eventually builds up that stamina though

“You’re so pretty”

random compliments for days

giggly couple

you make each other smile too much

your relationship kind of brings him out of his shell

but he will probably always be shy chimchim

and you’re both low key in public

but everyone can see how you look at each other

You’re surprised at how chatty he gets under the covers

because of how shy he usually is

but the bedroom is a totally different story!

“you like that?”

“am I treating you good honey?”

pure fucking sin

like  w h e r e  d i d  t h i s  s i d e  o f  m y  c h i m c h i m  c o m e  f r o m

you call him out on it after a few times

and he’s just like

“what? I was just really getting into it”

and he somehow says that with such innocence

that you’d think he was talking about just a song or something

his voice is music to your ears

seeing ‘I love you’ in a text just isn’t the same

I mean, of course it still means a lot

but you get goosebumps when he says it face to face

adventures in town for hours

it doesn’t matter if no one has money

it’s the quality time that counts

and there are still some free things to enjoy

window shopping and speculating the future

museums

sightseeing

checking out buskers

he doesn’t even dress up particularly for those days

but you’re still impressed

when he’s running about town 

you just admire his sweater paws

or he’s reaching up for something in a shop 

and a bit of hip shows 

and you admire how beautiful his skin tone is

you end up scrimping together like 50p for a second hand film

and it’s rubbish

but it doesn’t matter

you can make your own fun anyway

I’m not saying no one ever has money

the point is that you don’t need it to have a good time together

He’s so glad he plucked up the courage that day way back when to talk to you

V

Doesn’t beat around the bush

Knows instantly that he has a crush

allows a suitable period of time in which he can get to know you

Asks you out on a date when the time is right

Not afraid to flirt and be a dork

says the most random things

“have you ever thought about what makes a krabby patty?”

I have lots of theories about this but not the right place 

and he’s so random

but it only draws you in more

because he’s intriguing

slightly mysterious even

but there’s one he’s crystal clear on

“I really like you y/n”

“I really like you too”

yes, it’s actually as simple as that

He is the most fun boyfriend EVER

it helps that he learned so much about you at the beginning

surprise day trips 

little games he’s created

as well as existing games

he makes bets that he knows he will lose

because he wants to treat you

“I bet you won’t find me within 5 minutes in a game of hide and seek!”

“You’re on!”

“Loser has to cook dinner!”

and then he chooses a really bad hiding place

like under a glass table 

or behind curtains that don’t reach the ground

and then it turns out the fridge is already choc-a-bloc

sometimes you worry he’s too thoughtful

like that time he skipped something important 

just to see you when you were sick

or when he gives you his jacket when it’s freezing cold

but of course you appreciate it

He’s not afraid to flaunt your relationship

costume party? you have to dress up; 

he insists you’re gonna be the best dressed couple there

Never forget how special you are

he’s saved himself for you

he always wanted to wait for the right person

and he was going to wait til marriage

but realises that is perhaps outdated

and he feels way too much for you for this not to be genuine

and you show it back too, more than enough for reassurance

[you choose whether you’re showing him the way or if it’s new to you too]

it’s extremely intimate

doesn’t forget to tell you at least 5 times he loves you during

remind him he’s the one and he’ll be putty in your hands

loved up

sexed up

the first time quickly leads into the second third and fourth time

as you spend the entire day in your dressing gowns

it’s a true bonding experience

excuse the unintended pun

you will never feel unloved by tae tae

Jungkook

Shy but treats you like a friend

if he’s giving you witty comments and teasing you then

he definitely has a crush on you

Will fite you

Gaming marathon? You’re on!

all of it is a just quest to impress you though

and all of this happens often over time

and you begin to notice him more

and feel that he has the potential to be more than your friend

so yep, another gaming marathon

intense flirting

heck, he’s surprising himself big time

“what are you gonna do about it?” he says with a smirk

yet he isn’t surprised when 

he realises it’s because he’s gotten so comfortable around you

so back to what he said

this is where things get taken up a notch

so what are you gonna do about it?

“depends what you have in mind, kook”

and he knows with your tone that you mean

“either you bust my ass on this game right now or you drop that console and do something about this tension”

that bit is unspoken of course ^

he pauses the game

but he hasn’t let go of the console

he just looks at you 

you’re looking back at him trying not to hyperventilate

and then he goes for it

game forgotten about

“come here”

???

“y/n?”

you follow his instruction

this is new - a demanding jungkook

you like it really though

“now, I could be reading this wrong, but...”

*intense passionate kiss*

but afterwards

Still can’t look you in the eye

“Jungkook, you know you can make eye contact with me after...”

and then you pauses because oops you’re hanging with friends

“After WHAT y/n??”

and you’re both shook

“Jungkook?? What happened?!?”

you hang your heads down

and I think your mates assume you fucked or something

even though there was only a kiss

so no one mentions it 

because of your lack of response on their questioning back there

so you guys get the space you need 

to get your heads around what’s going on here

and actually nothing happens for a good while

the intense friendship continues

until one day

you’re at a party

and he can’t fucking take it anymore

*takes you by the hand to a bedroom*

ooh

then your friends are certain something is going on

when one of them catches you at the party leaving said room

and this is where they bug you both constantly

until you have to ask

“so... what’s going on here?”

“to tell you the truth y/n... I can’t stop thinking about you”

“I can’t stop thinking about you either”

*cutesy kiss*

*less cutesy kiss*

*intense make out*

*low key touching*

yep it’s happening again whoops

so less of the hanky panky talk

til later that is

it’s one of those “they finally got together” things

everyone deep down thought you’d make a good match

it was hard to unsee

once you realise how similar you two are

but not too similar of course

there’d have been no intense banter without those differences

yeah you ‘argue’ a lot

but it’s just part of the passion you have for each other

yeah I’m not going for long without this talk lmao idk what my deal is today

Sensitive lil boy

Whisper in his ear and his boxers tighten

“Problem Jeonggukkie?”

“Yah jagi! That was mean...”

you know because you’re in public

and you know how easy it is to get to him in that way

“guys seriously get a room!”

again, whoops

You still do all those other things you did as mates

you’re basically mates but with a romantic aspect

‘dickhead’ means ‘you’re a loveable idiot’

‘yeah right’ means ‘you’re probably right but I’m not admitting that’

‘fuck’s sake’ means ‘that joke was terrible but really, I find it funny’

it’s like you don’t say what you mean

but you know what each other means

and there’s no overthinking about it

To an outsider, you guys seem extremely casual but this relationship means the world

Hope you guys enjoyed! Headcanon Masterlist

[smt-here]

A Cocktail of Emotion (Part 2)

Pairing : Peter Parker x Reader (first person POV, ‘I’ pronoun)

Genre : Soulmate!AU

Warning : idk what to warn you guys lol

Word Count : 1578

A/N : Heyaaaa I finally post the 2nd part... sorry it took so long! I just came back from Singapore 3 days ago and I was super tired and as usual, my brain isn’t functioning properly... Anywho, since I’m making this story 1500 words per part, this story would probably have several more parts before the ending and just to be clear, there will be angst somewhere over the rainbows.lol. btw I really appreciate the support some of you have been sending me through dms, comments and even submissions, it means a lot to me and I’d definitely reply them. I think I might make more Tom holland stories so if you wanna be notified, go ahead and dm me, I’ll put you in my tag list! 💕

Part 1

School wasn’t bad.

So far at least.

I managed to get through the first and second period without a hitch. The teacher didn’t bully or tease me for being the new student and the other students were actually very accepting of me.

But despite all that, I was very disappointed that my imagination didn’t became a reality.

I had imagined that the minute I stepped into the classroom, my eyes would trail off to one of the students and our eyes met and my soulmate sensor would activate at its peak and every emotion that he felt, and his heart beat, I’d be able to feel them and he could feel mine.

But of course that’s what romantic novels are for, right?

They enhance our brain to make scenarios, imaginations, all sorts of things that allows us to be hopeful of what may come in the future. Although we are unawarely conscious about the fact that those scenarios are most likely not able to happen. Or even if they do, it’ll make you feel like something’s not right.

“Spacing out I see, hope the teacher didn’t caught you mid-class”

I look up and see Michelle with an eyebrow raised and a book open in her arms. I grinned at the sight of her fulfilling her promise and stood up immediately, “Sorry! I-I tend to imagine... A lot...” I said sheepishly as I gather my books and head out with her.

“I won’t judge, don’t worry... But I will get cranky if we don’t get my usual spot during lunch so let’s go” she told me before speed-walking with her head down to her book, forcing me to copy her action just so that I won’t lose her in the crowd.

Soon we were both seated on a table with a group of kids on one end of the table and Michelle and I on the other end. The cafeteria was filled with kids to the brim. There were all sorts of kids around and the line for food was insanely long.

Michelle sat across from me and as I munch on my home-made lunch I had managed to make this morning, I noticed that she had finally put her book down and grinned at me, “Well newbie, are you ready to get the proper introduction to students here in Midtown High?” she smirked.

I rolled my eyes playfully but nod, “Yes, please, do enlighten me with your knowledge of other students in this school” I answered back.

Michelle propped herself on her elbows on the table as she began pointing around, “Those are the football jocks, as you can see... Varsity-wearing, stinky, popular dudes that thinks that they rule the school... Their captain is Cole Grant Langley, honorary student, one of the top students in class, would probably go to an Ivy League on a football scholarship, he’s a Junior... And of course, sitting with them are the cheerleaders... Pompom loving fancy poodles that shows off their cheerleading outfit like a trophy, the captain is Brittany Lee and she’s a total daddy’s girl...”

I looked at her with an eyebrow raised, stopping her mid-sentence as if asking her, ‘Are you serious?’, “What? I may not be close to them but I am very observant... Next!”

Michelle then continued on with her ‘storytelling’ session as she points to different tables of different groups of students that have their own ‘label’.

“And there’s Liz Allen, probably the most popular student in this school, everyone adores her, she’s nice, smart, a senior, and Peter has a major crush on her” she said, scoffing at the end.

Again, I raised an eyebrow at her, “Peter?” I asked, not knowing who the person is. Michelle hadn’t pointed to a student in the cafeteria and told me the name Peter. I was surprised that I remembered considering the names that were spat out by Michelle over the 20 minutes of the get-to-know-Midtown’s-students session.

“Oh, yeah...Of course you don’t know Peter Parker... I mentioned him earlier this morning, you remember Ned, right?” I nodded and let her continue, “Well Peter is Ned’s best friend, they’re like super tight buddies and all and they’re both total nerds hence the main pillar to their friendship was that and... Peter has a huge obvious crush on Liz Allen in which he thought was super subtle but, come on... He’s stupid” She rolled her eyes.

“Again... I don’t know who this... Peter Parker is yet so I can’t make a fair judgement as of now...” Michelle raised an eyebrow at me, “You’re a goody-two-shoes, aren’t you?” She asked in a bit of a curious tone.

I shrugged at her, I propped my chin onto my elbow before answering, “I’m not quite sure, I just like playing by the rule book, alright? It’s better that way and the results are most likely to be easily predicted”

Michelle scoffed playfully at me with a grin on her face, “Wow, you must be the life of the party, aren’t you?” I feigned a shocked and offended expression at her while putting a hand on my chest, “I have never been so offended in my life! You, my dear friend are a menace to society for addressing a person such as I am in such way!”

Surprisingly, Michelle laughed heartily at my abnormal joke which would often annoy people.

“Alright, princess... No need to cast me out of society for calling you a party pooper!” she replied.

As I was about to retort something back to her, her eyes trailed to something or someone. I looked at the direction she was looking at and saw Ned walking away while talking to someone, Ned was on the left side and the other person had their back to me as he talked with Ned. They both then took a seat on the table nearest to the exit door whereas Michelle and I were sat in the middle-ish row of the cafeteria. The person Ned was with still had his back on me but I could still get a perfect view of him despite the amount of students surrounding the are.

Strange.

The more I see him, the calmer I get.

That and he looked oddly familiar in some way.

Have I met him before?

Do I know him?

I don’t recall having a friend back from LA who moved here to Midtown.

“Speaking of party pooper...”

I turn my head back to Michelle and raised an eyebrow at her in a questioning way.

“That guy...” she then pointed to the guy Ned is walking with, “...Is Peter Parker, THE Peter Parker that I’ve been telling you about, the Peter Parker that totally disappear here and there like ghost and also the Peter Parker that has a huge crush on Liz Allen”

“Really Michelle... You totally sounded like you’re obsessed with this... Peter Parker just by the way you talk about him” Michelle furrowed her eyebrows and narrowed her eyes at me, “I am so not obsessed with him! I’m just simply observant to the people I usually hang with!” she desperately said, she had her arms raised in an annoyed kind of way at me.

“Anyhow, what’s the beef with him? You made it sound like he’s a jerk in which I don’t think he is... I mean, he’s friends with Ned and Ned is obviously not a bad guy, so I don’t think this Peter is as bad as you said he is...” I ask her as I put my lunch box away into my school bag.

Michelle shrugged her shoulders at me, then she took a short pause, thinking about what her answer to my question is before answering me, “I... Don’t actually have any problem with him... It’s just... I have been observing him since the first day he move here to Midtown, I forgot where he was before he went here but that’s not the point... Around a year ago he suddenly changed”

That made me raised an eyebrow at her, “Changed? What do you mean by ‘changed’? L-like a physical change or something?”

She shook her head vigorously, “No no no, it’s more like... He became a whole different person...” she took a deep breath while closing her eyes, seemingly trying to focus to find the perfect way to describe the current topic to me. “See, before he became the Peter Parker he is now, he was a super nerdy, studious, loyal to his friend and careful Peter Parker... Now, he’d sometimes became reckless and won’t even realize it, he is still nerdy though but sometimes he’d ditch Ned to walk alone after school... Not to mention he dropped all of his extracurricular activities, it was a miracle that he still hold onto the decathlon team” she scoffed while crossing her arms on her chest.

“Well, we don’t know for sure as to why he dropped out of all of his extracurricular activities, right? I mean, he must have his own reason!”

“I guess... He did lost his uncle not long ago...” she muttered softly while looking down onto her own lap, “But I still refuse to believe that’s all... He completely changed the day after we all went to Oscorp...” she scoffed one more time.

At that my eyes had somehow automatically trailed to the boy across the room, sitting with Ned, talking things only the both of them knows.

I really need to stop feeling weird about him.

Taglist is still open. DM me if you’d want to be tagged in my Peter Parker/Tom Holland stories !

Taglist :

@x-wing-starwriter

[juki-ronin]

...oh...wow, you guys I just noticed this.

I just...wow.

About a year ago I started this blog with the intent of practicing writing for a story featuring Clark as the main character.  During this time, I learned a lot of things:

I learned how to trim fluff writing for my posts.

I learned that talking to your RP partners shouldn’t be something you’re afraid to do mid-RP.

I learned that I shouldn’t be so conscious about posting my face for Mundays (which I swear I’ll try posting more often for).

I learned that posting Musings is actually a very good way to get the creative juices flowing.

I learned that it’s OK to be bummed when I hit a dry spell of activity, and that no lack of activity lasts forever.

Most of all though, I learned that...you guys are really amazing.

I know that probably 10% of the blogs that follow me are dormant, and I know that 500 of my posts aren’t dedicated to strict RPs, but...idk guys I just feel grateful to have made an impact here.

A long time ago on Tumblr I tried making an ask blog with a similar premise and it bombed.  It didn’t help that I was a huge dork at the time, with NO idea on how to socialize since, most of my socializing online was with very close friends and I didn’t know how to dial it back for people I was just meeting (needless to say I was socially clueless).

But now I feel like I’ve grown as a person, at least a little, and the fact that...well idk how else to put it, the fact that you cared enough to follow me and interact with me...

I’m really grateful.

I don’t plan on stopping this blog anytime soon, nor do I feel like I have a reason to.  Even when I finish Clark’s story I’ve enjoyed this blog too much to let it go.

I’m really sorry if this sounds super sappy, right now I’m in a “do or die” scenario this semester at college (TLDR, vague instructions, grades are up in the air, if I don’t pass my grandma flies to see me graduate nothing, big mood amirite?), and this news put me in such a good mood.  In fact, I’m shouting out to all the mutuals I’ve RP’d with so far, because you guys deserve it:

@stinging-redemptixn-deactivated - I REALLY wish I knew what your main blog was cuz no lie you really helped me out confidence wise when it came to public RPing, even if we only planned an RP, I really look forward to when you have the time so we can get it off the ground, you’re an awesome person and I hope everything’s A-OK in your life right now!

@spears-specials/ @i-always-watch - Dude, plotting out Clark and Takuma’s first encounter (hopefully the first of more to come lol) was insanely fun.  I really appreciated how much you liked my ideas and how fun it was chatting with you, we need to talk more man! lol

@moonlightsn / @omgderpington - I legitimately love how much care you put into your muse’s backstory, and hearing about stuff you like (Like F13) is really engaging!  I really do appreciate the time we RP’d together and hope we can continue whenever you’re free.

@master-glass - I know you’re AFK from tumblr rn but dude you’re the fuckin’ best, I love having you as a friend in general.

@bubblemom - Sweet, fun, creative as hell, idk what to say you’re legit one of the nicest people I’ve seen on tumblr and you don’t deserve bad days.  IDK if Clark and Caesar will ever interact again but regardless It’s just a huge pleasure knowing you just, for real, thanks a lot. =D

@stillwouldhavesavedyou - Your Bruce is SERIOUSLY one of my favorites of all time man.  And hey as a person you’re really cool, you’re easy to talk to and fun to plot out stuff with.  I appreciate you taking a random guy during an Open Starter and running with it, you actually inspired some big ideas I had for Clark, seriously man, thank you!

@darkestxsidexofxthexmoon - We didn’t RP much, but for real, I loved the concept of your muse and his stand, and did enjoy what we did RP.  IDK what else to say you seem like a real cool person. =)

@on-crimson-wings - You had me hooked at “Raven’s Bizarre Hiking Adventures”. XD  Made even better that Raven herself is an amazing character, and I really enjoy her and Clark’s interactions with each other!  And hey, takes an amazing person to write an amazing character, I need to answer more of your memes I feel baaad.  Just, thanks for existing (oh and for Finnigan haha).

@moonlitocs - OK so technically we haven’t RP’d yet but it wouldn’t feel right NOT mentioning you here.  I appreciate how smooth plotting went for our characters meeting, you have a lot of great ideas!  And honestly, it meant a lot that you wanted to RP with me, considering how small this blog was compared to most JJBA blogs at the time.

@askpredator / @purplepimpryda (IDK why it’s not mentioning you apologies, tumblr is dumb sometimes) - Shadow is an GREAT muse, and the I really like not only the interactions he and Clark had, but your writing style in general when describing his side of the RP.  You inspired me to be more flexible when it came to how he crossed over with other muses, and inspired me to watch a legitimately good action/thriller film lol  While Shadow’s on indefinite hiatus, I wish you the best in life and your other blog w/ your other muse. =D

@pressurecooked - I legit love Mio as a character and was so endeared by her most recent post.  She’s someone I’m so excited to learn more about, and I feel bad cuz I wanna interact with your muse memes but her and Clark barely said a word to each other directly so it’s up in the air what their relationship is like ugh idk I just really like where this RP is headed and excited to see where it DOES lead.

@foxglcved - You are a cool person.  While Clark and Hikari really haven’t had any substantial interactions, you’re just a real friendly and legit nice person that I feel honored you followed me considering how well-written your muse is.  Seriously, super-creative, super entertaining, I look forward to RPing with you in the future.  Seriously you’re super cool.

Honestly I just really just appreciate the time you’ve given me and appreciate how far I’ve come as not just an RPer but as a writer.  Writing is my passion in life and I’m only able to practice my craft thanks to people like you.  Again maybe i’m just in a very sappy mood but, for what it’s worth.

Thank you guys, I couldn’t ask for better mutuals.