#like ideally i wanna eventually have character sheets for all the characters i normally write

[victoriacoffee]

Poor Dream, enjoying his days with friends on the server, wearing friendship bracelets gifted to him, and filling many scrapbooks and journals with all the special moments he cherishes with his friends....not even realizing how many would not just turn on him but seek to kill him in the most painful ways they could think of when the plan was enacted

[hughiecampbelle]

Locked Out (Thomas Shelby Oneshot)

Character/s: Thomas

Word Count: 1,007

Tag List: @dontdowhatisayandnobodygetshurt @myriadimagines @lilyswritings @encounterthepast @death-of-a-mermaid @lotsoffandomimagines @woahitslucyylu @obsessedunicorn24 @thedarkqueenofavalon @fangirlsarah16 @captivatedbycillianmurphy

A/N: I'm not even sure what this is? Or if it’s at all okay? I guess it's a bunch of my own feelings made into a fic, no real plot or story or anything. I hope no one minds! Ya gurl been having a hard time lately, and though writing helps immensely, I know this isn't my best at all nor is it ever when I'm not feeling too good. Anyways, I hope you're all doing okay, that you're all looking after yourselves, putting yourselves first, and if you're not, I hope this is a reminder! 💜💖💜💖

FIC MASTERLIST PART ONE. / PART TWO.

WANNA BE ADDED TO THE TAG LIST?

He knew what being sad felt like. The grief setting into his skin, the uncontrollable and sudden urge to cry that was overwhelming, that was terrifying, taking the wind out of him when he was so sure he'd been in bliss seconds ago. The drunken pity parties he threw for himself when nothing in the world felt right, when he mourned for his very person hood, the loss of the young man he forgot in the war, the longing of who he should have been. He knew the way, when he held it in the way he held his breath, let it bubble up inside him, it would eventually turn to rage. Blinding, ripping, pulsing rage. Tommy knew intense emotions. They weren't just familiar, they were friends, family even. Taking him as their kin, there when no one else was. He knew what being sad was, he knew grief, and mourning, and loss, and despair, but he was never sure about you, he was never sure what you were feeling. . .

That's just it, though. It wasn't about what you were feeling, it was about the absence if it altogether. The embarrassment, the shame, of carrying something without a name, to admit something so tied to your very being, your emotions, your words, your thoughts and actions, could be so out of control, so messed up. How could you look him in the eyes and say the same thing that made you inhale and exhale, that made your heart beat, be so, so sick? How could you tell the man you loved, the man who loved you beyond life itself, that everything inside of you fucking hurt? That you were burning alive every second of every day and there was nothing he could do to possibly fix it.

This pain, this fire, it's too heavy to hold, to carry with you along your own infinity. It's indescribable. There are no words, no whispers, just aches, cries, whimpers. There are screams when the air in your lungs feels like lead. When your knees buckle and break and the bone punctures through your skin. When the rocks finally see the ocean for the first time, eyes open, jaws slack, pooling in your pockets, pulling at you until your body fills with water, until you're the one floating. Sinking. Two sides of the same coin. It's the shattering of a glass vase wanting to hold on to the water and bouquet so tight, believing it can still be pretty, it can still be wanted, as long as it holds on, even as it lays dying.

You could try to show him this pain. Part of you did. Sometimes it was numbness. Days and nights stuck between the sheets. Exhausted. Dirty. Hair matted, eyes heavy, immobile between worlds, struggling to greet him, to ask how his day was. You wanted to, you wanted to talk, pretend things were normal, that things were bearable, but your teeth refused to budge. Stuck together, trapped, left to watch him collapse beside you, sighing, drained by work that daunted his every thought. Sometimes it was running away from the numb. Drinking into oblivion, to the end of the bottle, until the world was as shaky as it felt. Sloppy smiles and slurred words, giggles you'd forgotten you had. Laughing until you cried, sobbing in the bathroom when all your problems came back up again, dribbling down your chin. Collapsing in a booth, in the back room, where he always eventually found you. The same call, every time. Wordless, taking off your shoes, tucking you in, wishing he had a drink himself.

It just didn't make sense, to either of you. He never knew what he'd be coming home to, and neither did you. It was unpredictable. Ripping off your clothes, tearing the burning fabric away from your skin, standing under the scalding water until it runs cold, until he's banging on the bathroom door, wanting to know you're okay. Unable to hold down anything but liquor, whiskey, whatever sat in those pretty little bottles he kept in the kitchen. It was locking yourself in your head, your thoughts, in the dark, the slightest ray of sun making your skin boil, hiding when he threw open the curtains. He'd asked around, to family, to doctors, but even his words failed him. It could be so violent, but soft. It was breathing and drowning. It was everything all at once at the same time, and then nothing. He wished he knew, he really did, but this was a monster within itself. If he got any closer, he'd burn, too, until he was nothing but the bluest eyes and a pile of ash.

It wasn't fair to anyone in the situation. Nothing in this world was. A man of so few words, so little expression in his face, his movement, yet here he was, on his knees, begging to understand, to be let in through the locked door, to have a key to all the answers. You wanted to tell him, give him the key, but that meant being vulnerable. That meant showing scars, and bones, a graveyard of all the victims who'd fallen into his place before, and would after. People with golden hearts, who wanted to help, but couldn't, would never be able to. That meant looking not only Tommy, but all the thoughts, the urges, the idealizations, in the eye, and you weren't ready for that yet. The day would come when you were, but you weren't sure he'd stick around long enough to be there, to live that day by your side. They always left. In search of a cure, eventually forgetting why they were even looking in the first place. You couldn't blame them, nor would you blame him, in the end. That's just how it was, that just what this did. It was nameless, and invisible, and more dangerous than anyone ever gave it credit for.

This didn't only take you from the world, it took the world from you, too.

[levelfivegay]

You didn't reblog it but you've got to do the questions now it's only fair you demon

i hate u and also myself

1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?  as of rn the last person i texted was my grandma so n o

2. You talked to an ex today, correct? strangely enough no but we normally talk everyday

3. Have you taken someones virginity? nice one

4. Is trust a big issue for you? if we’re being honest idk if “big” covers it

5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently? i dont really like anyone rn? so no

6. What are you excited for? death

7. What happened tonight? well tonight is my mom’d birthday dinner, so theres that i guess?

8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted? no? i mean to an extent its gross when anyone gets really really wasted but

9. Is confidence cute? dude hell fuckin yeah

10. What is the last beverage you had? some crisp ass water

11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust? like 1 (one) person but even then its iffy

12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans? all i own is skinny jeans. literally nothing besides skinny jeans and sweat pants.

13. What are you gonna do Saturday night? today is saturday so tonight im gonna eat mexican food and cake and probably have a crisis.

14. What are you going to spend money on next? ideally, class specific D&D character sheets

15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed? i aint ever kissed someone so no, me and the void arent currently an item

16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months? yea probably

17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything? im never comfortable talking to anyone about anything serious. literally never. but my #squad (kayla, brittany^2, anna, this u) is the best.

18. The last time you felt broken? literally always

19. Have you had sex today? good one

20. Are you starting to realize anything? at this very moment im realizing how much i regret speaking to you literally ever

21. Are you in a good mood? relatively, yes

22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks? yes! either in a controlled environment to have fun or in the ocean to die

23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s? yes. greeny eyes.

24. What do you want right this second? death, but also like a refill on my water

25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy? i support the void kissing any person they like

26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color? yeah, ive never dyed my hair before 

27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh? ffff.... nah i dont think so. laughter/humor is a fundamental part of my life.

28. What was the last thing that made you laugh? watching u suffer and answer all these questions but also specifically “i dont sing. I perform.”

29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now? does my will to live count?

30. Does everyone deserve a second chance? this really depends on the mistake

31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to? yes, joe

32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do? i’ve professed my love to the void so yes.

33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda? kinda wish i was, but im always a slut for root beer

34. Listening to? that playlist of songs white people always get turnt to

35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore? im in high school m8 yeah

36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is? yes, the void

37. Do you believe in love at first sight? no

38. Who did you last call? kayla. forever ago. i dont call people.

39. Who was the last person you danced with? *chad voice* i dont dance (i white dad dance at random intervals but i dont think i’ve ever actually danced with someone)

40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed? the void is irresistible (why are there so many questions about kissing this is embarrassing)

41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake? too long ago

42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today? ahhahha no

43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush? im literally always embarassed and the void is always watching

44. Do you tan in the nude? no, i tan when i swim

45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss? i cant have -1 kisses

46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night? nah

47. Who was the last person to call you? my mom

48. Do you sing in the shower? yeah

49. Do you dance in the car? im never in the car alone so like.. no

50. Ever used a bow and arrow? nah i fucking wish tho

51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? fffff september? for senior pictures

52. Do you think musicals are cheesy? sometimes they are but i love em

53. Is Christmas stressful? dude yes

54. Ever eat a pierogi? cant get enough i love them

55. Favorite type of fruit pie? peach and cherry

56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? strangely enough, an archaeologist still. indiana jones had a big impact on me as you can see

57. Do you believe in ghosts? ehhhh no. maybe one day.

58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling? all the time

59. Take a vitamin daily? i should but alas

60. Wear slippers? only at the cabin

61. Wear a bath robe? nope

62. What do you wear to bed? the same shirt i wore during the day and sweatpants

63. First concert? never been to one

64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart? target

65. Nike or Adidas? neither

66. Cheetos Or Fritos? cheetos

67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds? peanuts during winter, sunflower seeds in summer68. Favorite Taylor Swift song? dont really listen to her and i cant name one i really like off the top of my head69. Ever take dance lessons? mandatory ones for school70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing? maybe theyll b a professor too and it’ll be like some bad fanfiction71. Can you curl your tongue? i can only make one sad taco72. Ever won a spelling bee? nope

73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy? yeah.74. What is your favorite book? what the fuck kinda question is this75. Do you study better with or without music? with, but it has to be classical music or movie soundtracks76. Regularly burn incense? no77. Ever been in love? im 17 wtf no78. Who would you like to see in concert? my chemical romance rip79. What was the last concert you saw? never been to one80. Hot tea or cold tea? no tea81. Tea or coffee? i dont like either really82. Favorite type of cookie? them real soft sugar cookies with icing u kno the ones83. Can you swim well? yeah i was on swim team for 2 years. Still my favorite sport.84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? kinda have to

85. Are you patient? depends on the thing, but mostly yes

86. DJ or band, at a wedding? DJ, i dont want the band to have to learn the shrek soundtrack87. Ever won a contest? im too much of a loser88. Ever have plastic surgery? nope, never want to either. unless i can fix my stupid fucking fingers with it.89. Which are better black or green olives? you cant just ask a question like this i love them both90. Opinions on sex before marriage? you do u but b safe 91. Best room for a fireplace? living room92. Do you want to get married? i mean, eventually probably? if i meet someone i’d like to spend the rest of my life with. but it’d have to be a long ass time after we’ve been dating? cuz i wouldnt want to get divorced. I wanna know theyre the one u feel?

anyways fuck u @obijoekenobi