#like i'm aware i got lucky on which high school i went to cause it was a good school actually
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heaved the giantest sigh at "it's just that i've never been this close to real girls before" did you like go to a private all boys school and if so why if you're in california
#dragon knight vs ryuki#there is apparently an all boys school fairly close i had no fuckin clue#why would i go to a private school do you know how much it just costs to EXIST in california#like i'm aware i got lucky on which high school i went to cause it was a good school actually#but like. you live in california. where are you not talking to girls???#hate this trope to an insane degree!!!!
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alr so like what's ur headcannons on skeptic/tomoyasu like ships things he likes don't like I'm just curious lol
if i like a character ill ship him with almost everyone So tomoyasu/anyone-you-can-think-of-an-excuse-to-put-him-nearby
Faves: Deku -- they are very similiar people-- screaming obsessive stalkers that care very much about other people (in their own way) and are inspired to violence (in their own way) because of that. + i feel like the PLF would have a high likelihood to recognize and acknowledge how the lack of bodily autonomy granted in a hero-based society greatly harms quirkless people. i have a whole headcanon about young skeptic using his unusually overpowered quirk to protect kids that got bullied, which was PRIMARILY heteromorph/mutant types but probably also included like the 1or 2 quirkless kids in his school. i like to imagine a scenario either of 'they went to school together' or 'deku never got OFA and so ended up getting picked up by the Meta Liberaton Army (pre-LoV) and them either helping/sponsoring him to become the first quirkless hero (because it helps their narrative) OR a non-of-that-happened au where he graduates highschool and joins and quickly becomes skeps right-hand-arm, his confidant, his silly rabbit (They just both rant at eachother nonstop and neither ever gets tired of listening to the other even though it sounds liek arguing. they both stalk eachother to show affection)
(also like, dont kid yourself, if izuku hadnt been able to be a hero he wouldve turned to doling out justice on his own somehow. Viglante, sure, but also totally susceptible to a group that trains people in secret to defend themselves and others in an unfair system)
These below are set in FangusFungs au about a Swamp Creature skep. my first thought was 'deku would get involved in that'
Tokoyami-- i like to imagine a post-series situation where Pro Hero Tokoyami sees and recognizes Tomoyasu, who was previously a HIGHLY visible GOTH individual in the public eye that was outspoken about heteromorph rights. hard to imagine young tokoyami not admiring him, at least distantly, so meeting up with him again as an adult would change things a lot. i could see them getting together <3 it would be really cute
HANABATA: obviously. come one. goth dilf powercouple. theyve known eachother for ages and are fully on the same side. the smooth-talking trumpet with his charm and handsome face versus skeptic whos so angry about the coffee machine being on the fritz that hes popping a vein in his forehead. whats not to love here?
Shigaraki: come on... like obviously
(featured below, my PR MANAGER SKEP au. basically when the league defeated the MLA and became the PLF they decided to turn their substantial political power onto the idea of rehavilitating their image and making them figureheads! managed to get skeptic off for his crimes andturning people to their cause and to their side)
also Dabi, since they are (COUGH) basically the only ones to interact... but this is the only art i have for that
aaaand present mic! they look alike and both have loud self-aggrandizing annoying personalities, are both alt-fashion guys with long hair, and they both scream a lot. theyd either get along SO WELL or theyd hate eachother (i cant show you the art ive made for this, its all porn)
as far as my personal headcanons (the ones above notwithstanding... i think hes technically a mutant! but hes the TYPE of mutant where its minimal enough that in almost any room he will never be the MOST visibly mutated. he has spent his life Very Aware that the only reason he isnt discriminated against is because other people are discriminated against HARDER. that if every super-visibly mutated person on the world disappeared (like the CRC group wants) then the focus would go to people with tails, then people with animal ears, and then people like him. He has known he was just Lucky since he was 5 and he never forgot that, and thats why as a grown adult (in his.. what? 30s? 40s? i like him to be about 37-42 in canon but if you told me he was 26 id believe you) he would still have such strong opinions and focus specifically on people with visible mutations and the struggles they have
like.. whether the MLA/PLF went about their dreams for liberation the right way (no) you can't deny that they DID care! i also headcanon that if the whole LOV thing hadn't happened they never wouldve started this war, that they had a 60+ year plan they were only 15 years into tops that was focused on changing laws and changing the media narratives first and foremost. so in any 'the league didnt happen' au you can easily say they were working above-board (though personally i think they were all the types to still be murdering and making up blackmail stuff for political opponents AND/OR known mutant-haters)
#my art#skeptic mha#skeptic bnha#tomoyasu chikazoku#koku hanabata#izuku idoriya#fumikage tokoyami#dabi#shigaraki tomura#long post
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Coming to {REDACTED}
Look, if my identity gets out, it probably won't be the end of the world but I'm a teacher. If things did get out, I'd have to review all my writing to make sure nothing dicey made it out and that's a lot of work I'm just not interesting in doing.
Here's something I missed in the "quick" introduction. I'm a purebred suburban city boy. I've always been aware of it cause I'm a English teacher. I engage with lots of media, see different worlds and perspectives, so I knew how different my life was. I've lived in one city and two places: the family house for about a two and a quarter decades and then a brand new apartment-style condo unit I bought for half a decade.
The inspiration for this blog and these reflections (that might continue. My track record for continuing projects is not great) came from the forceful, lived realization that I am a spoiled, purebred, suburban city boy. I recently, two days ago and by two days I mean 27ish hours ago, moved to a rural town to teach at the school. And oh boy, if you haven't experience a thing that you know turn into a lived realization (TM), you are one lucky duck. Unlike the owl duck my friend hit with the moving truck on the way here.
Let's start at the beginning. I decided to get back into classroom teaching at my own renewed interest but also at the gentle, but firm urging of a colleague. The organization I was with was going through some organizational difficulties I'm sure they'll weather but it was going to be stormy. When I told her I was thinking about applying for teaching jobs again, she told me to do it.
This seems pretty simple. And indeed it is. I'm sure we've all been in situations where we've gently encouraged to do something. But never underestimate how life-changing something like that can be. If she hadn't said that to me, I don't know that I ever would have left my city-life. That I would have found my way back to classroom teaching.
As you might have surmised, I got the job (two actually but that's a story with too many unique details to tell. For now.). It was in a small rural town five hours away from my home city. Remember: spoiled, purebred, suburban city boy. Only live in two place in the suburbs. In the city. I took the job and started planning for moving.
I'm going to skip some of the details here but let me tell you, just planning the move was one of the most stressful things I've ever dealt with. Aside from the simple logistics and surprising costs of moving to a city five hours away, plans kept changing, falling through, or just getting fucked up altogether. It was exhausting. I thought I was going to live in my little two-bedroom condo forever so I hadn't accumulated much. But I had accumulated furniture which I am never fucking taking with me ever again.
Moving day arrives. By the time we were scheduled to leave, everything was packed away and ready to go. We went to pick up the moving truck. There was a fiasco and a shockingly high cost which, at that point, I just had to eat. We get back to the condo and the goddamn elevator service dude hasn't brought the elevator key to lock the elevator.
My dude, you had one job. (Technically two, he did the other one and padded the elevator)
This made the move take twice, maybe even three times as long because it just so happened there was a 60th birthday party going on in the building at the same time. Also, it was raining. Somewhere between regular raining and pouring. We finally finished packing everything around 8-9PM. Why so late? Because for scheduling reasons, we couldn't start the move until 3PM.
This meant we ended up driving on the intercity highway at night, in pitch black, while it was pouring outside. Great times. It was the second scariest drive I've ever down. And it was about five hours. And now that we're here, remember the owl duck? I saw it first on the side of the road and thought it looked like an owl. I swerved a little to avoid hitting it and it flew off. About a half hour later, my friend encountered a duck in the middle of the road. It didn't fly off until it was too late but after talking, he thinks it might have been the owl I saw. Hence: owl duck.
I arrived at about 1AM with my friend and the moving truck about 30 minutes later. We were understandably exhausted by then so we didn't finish moving until 5AM. There were two small problems with this part. First, the rain. It had stopped about half way to {REDACTED}. But it had rained hard enough that the bottom of some of the boxes were quite wet. Thankfully, the Canadian Tire boxes held up. A couple of books did get the covers wet but all things considered, a trifle. The second thing was my friend still needed to return the truck. Aka, drive five hours back to the city. The plan was always to spend the night and drive the next day but since we finished at 5AM and the truck had to be returned by 3PM, there wasn't a ton of wiggle room.
12 paragraphs in we get to the inspiration of this sudden reflection and the start of this blog. The basement unit I'm renting is pretty decent. It's decently priced. It's a pretty big space. It's reasonably renovated. Perhaps the most egregious thing is it was clearly not cleaned before I got here. But it's a basement rental.
There's bug's at the amount you would expect in a basement (likely in part because of the aforementioned lack of cleaning). The walls, appliances, and cabinets are well-used as you would expect from an older, rural building. There's miscellaneous nature junk inside. It's all, very frankly, reasonably what you would expect in a basement rental.
Yet I found myself constantly triggered. It certainly didn't help that it was 1AM and I was exhausted from moving. But even today, as I was unpacking, I was triggered by how uncertain I was of the cleanliness of the cabinets. Of the floor. Back at home, I would throw clothes and things on the floor because I knew it was clean. Here, I find myself throwing them in boxes or bins because I don't trust the floor. I bought placemats for the cabinets because I wasn't sure they were clean with the clear wear and tear. Every time I walk into the backyard to the door for the basement, I see all the reasonable amount of cobwebs hanging around outside the building.
It brought into such clear focus for me: I'm a spoiled, suburban city boy. Despite the emphasis I put on that, I'm not as depressed or defeated as it might seem. Instead, it's the freight train hitting me, it's that living realization of who I am. I keep telling myself (and my unfortunate friend): it's only two years. Two years of teaching locally before I can start truly pursuing an international teaching position. Or more accurately, two more years till I can GTFO back to my spoiled, suburban city life.
I am, in some ways, glad for this experience. It's going to force me to experience the world in a different way. It's going to force me to adapt and perhaps even grow more comfortable with miscellaneous nature junk. Perhaps even grow more comfortable with bugs *shiver*. It'll be a great experience to grow from. It's just unfortunate that the best growing experiences are also painful.
I'm also hopeful the teaching will provide a potent distraction. My first year full time teaching English, the subject matter I actually enjoy. This has been my goal for twenty-five odd and winding years. Here we finally are. Let's see if it lives up to the hope. And let's see if I live up to it.
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Hiii please don't answer if this question is too much but I was wondering what your experience as a trans person existing is like? Rn I'm cis passing and low-key making me miserable but the anxiety of how I would b treated in the world is so so so scary so I guess is it hard? Are you treated any different? Especially the non-binary thing bc that's me too <3
haiii as always i write fucken essays so its below the cut lol
well first of all i can only speak to my own experience, which is obvs influenced by the other parts of my life like my location/class/race/sexuality/personality/etc, it difficult/impossible to distill what "being trans" is like without factoring in everything else.
but anyways, i'm extremely lucky to have had the security to come out and be open about my transness since i'm surrounded by really excellent people. when i came out i was 14 and didn't know any other trans people, and it sucked, but i feel like even in just the past 6ish years there's a LOT more visibility for trans people than there was back then, and obvs i was young and had a lot less personal autonomy at the time. but my friends were all really cool about it and my parents were chill as well, and i went to a good high school where my teachers were respectful (i got misgendered by other students but once they were aware of me being trans they usually stopped) so i honestly didn't face that much external difficulty because of my gender.
the period between coming out and medically transitioning was rough a lot of the time tho, just because of the frustration of trying to be seen a certain way and the world never seeing you that way, at times it felt futile to even try and for a long time i really wished i wasn't trans, because being trans had never brought me any joy, so i didn't have pride in it the way i could with my sexuality, as it had only ever caused me pain (whereas my queer sexuality had lead me to love, sex, community, etc). but those were internally-driven feelings, not anything specific in how i was treated except for generally living in a world that didn't see me as myself, but that's also true when ur not out. it took a lot of fighting to be seen, and learning how to make myself happy.
since coming out, though, its been really really amazing. meeting & connecting with other trans people, dating other trans people, helping other people figure out their gender identities by being myself around them, making art about being trans, etc, is very rewarding, and obvs u can do that without being "out" too.
emotionally its very fulfilling, like jesus christ medically transitioning once i was an adult was so fucking awesome. i hadnt realized how much not being visible as my gender to other people was holding me back and distressing me until it stopped. even though i had socially transitioned earlier and been respected by people around me, it wasnt until i went on hrt and had top surgery that i felt really really good about existing as a trans person, when i could exist at any time in any space in any clothes and be seen how i wanted to be seen, and felt like my body was as it should be.
i don't really get treated differently tbh, most people don't readily assume ppl are trans so upon meeting me people just think im a queer guy, and i only bring up being trans when i want to & feel ok doing so. being nonbinary some people are bad about using my pronouns but i honestly dont care much. every once in a while i have to explain gender stuff to people but again i dont mind. its def more annoying than if i was a binary trans person but meh.
there's some annoying/anxiety-inducing stuff like dealing with extended family, doctors appointments, legal documents, and situations where i feel like i have to try to be Stealth, but those are rare compared to my everyday life where i'm genuinely just vibing.
i completely respect trans people who don't want to be out for whatever reason, but personally i've found it to be very rewarding and i can only imagine how miserable i'd be if i couldn't be open about my gender.
tldr; it's hard while you're figuring yourself out, but if the people around you are generally good, it's extremely awesome to be able to be yourself and transition!
#i was jsut thinking the other day about how crazy it is that i was just like i want to be a boy . and then i did it#cant think too hard abt how it felt to be younger and just wishing i could be an androgynous cool boy but knowing i was stuck in my body#but now i Did That its crazy i never thought it would be possible#ez answers#gender stuff
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Song: Getting Over You by Lauv
Summary: Unexpected things happen all the time but meeting him was one of the best parts of it.
Pairings: Atsumu Miya x gn!reader
Word count: 7.1k
Tags, Genre: implied enemies to semi lovers! trope, slight angst, curse words, timeskip! Atsumu
A/N: pls i didn't intend to change it last minute but pls let me know if u liked it cuz im still having second thoughts <3
“No- I’m sorry.” Atsumu says as you felt your heart snap and break into two distant pieces. You already limited your expectations but there was a miniature amount of hope that you held onto and that was when you should’ve lost your grip.
“It’s fine, ‘Tsumu.”
It obviously wasn’t. No matter how loud the cries of your heart were, what mattered to you in this moment was to forget it ever happened- to run away and never face another failed trial of love. Atsumu can see past your smile and he hated the way it had to end in a way he avoided. There would be a time where his feelings would be up to confrontation but when it finally happened, he’d became a coward.
He was late to realize what the outcomes could lead to. How certain was he that your paths would meet again? How was he sure that he can revert this scenario in a better way that he wanted when you were losing your hold onto him?
“I have to go but it was nice knowing you, Miya.” Your lips were tugged in a weak smile while he questions why his body lacked the power to move but what resumes to play in his mind was the way his name escaped your lips like it was a curse to say it.
Turning your heel, there was an ache in Atsumu’s head. Was it regret? His decisions tied in knots? His emotions unable to declutter themselves? Hesitantly, he reaches for you. His hand wrapped around yours as you glanced down on his soft skin you used to despise to get near to.
His eyes told you stories that were hard to decipher all at once. His stories didn’t start with a setting, it started and ended with you, not a single page where you weren’t there but it seems like the chapters you had in your own story were being torn off to erase the traces of false hope.
“Y/N, I'm so sorry.” He whispers while you felt his hand tighten to make sure that you could stay- even if it lasted for a minute because he wasn’t sure fate could spare you two another moment.
But then, you softly removed his hold on you while the cold sweat runs down his forehead.
“It’s okay, ‘Tsumu. We were just never meant for each other.”
We could’ve been.
-
“Thank you for your time.” You bid the player as both bow each other as a way of manner. You gathered your bag as the athlete turns to you with a kind smile.
“I enjoyed the interview. I’m impressed at how prepared and professional you are. How long have you been doing this?” He asks, adjusting his outfit while you toss your bag on your shoulder with your camera slung around your neck.
“There was a journalism club back in my high school and I joined in ever since I was a first year.”
“You’re in college now?”
“Yes, sir.” He chuckles at your formality while he gives a pat to your shoulder.
“That’s good to hear. Goodluck with everything- I believe that you’ve got bright things ahead of you.” Your heart fluttered at the compliment while you bid your goodbyes. You step out of the hotel feeling the satisfaction hit you like a prize. The report can finally be simplified into a few more subtle fixes and maybe by 1am, you’d be able to present it to your professor without doubting your work.
Sighing happily, you decided to reward yourself to a lovely lunch with a view you often visited due to a reminiscent feeling that bubbles in your system. After ordering, you sat outside admiring the way the sun sets and leaves a lasting beauty before the moon shows.
The stress was fading from you. You had expected that the project would’ve taken weeks for you to finish knowing that some retired athletes usually avoid questions to why they left the sport they used to love. You had called a few, a struck of confidence was enough to make you do so but they often cancel your request because they either paid attention to your young age or because they weren’t ready to be asked such personal questions about them. You were lucky to score and interview with a well-known athlete whose had his fair share of the spotlight during his early 20’s. Sadly, his retirement was due to an accident and his weak body levels couldn’t bare the adrenaline of the sport. He was kind, patient, and understanding. Ever since he agreed, your attention was on the questions you’d lay upon him seeing that this was an opportunity you can’t waste. After gathering some of his past glories, you narrowed down your interrogation on what remains important to benefit the topic of your project. You were more than proud because of the compliment he had given you and the fact that you might be able to catch a break after a hectic week.
Opening your camera and flicking through the photos to decide on which you were going to use. Suddenly, a photo meets your sight. The peak of blonde and gray hair with a uniform that you missed.
The Inarizaki Volleyball Team.
Most especially, him.
A few years has passed since you’ve seen him and his brother. Osamu’s last interaction with you was filled with nothing but sweet memories and a hug that you could never forget the warmth of, while Atsumu’s last memory with you remained bittersweet- like a sour flavor in his tongue that never left. You tried too hard to forget fragments of your time with him but because of how much work you put yourself through, you lost time to reflect on the moments that didn’t hurt.
Half of your high school life was compressed into confusing parts of your story.
But the chapter that seems to be the most influential part of it, was where you got to meet the blonde who has stomped on your heart.
It was funny to be remembered as a person who had the guts to sneeze during the great Miya setters serve.
“Achoo!”
You immediately cover your face with your handkerchief as your sneeze echoed through the gym making Atsumu’s hand lose its power because he was stunned by the sound, the ball hitting the net instead as he almost hits Aran who was wide eyed that ball went his way. The team could hear Osamu’s ‘uh-oh’ and it was enough for them to know what the setter feels after the unfortunate event.
Atsumu grits his teeth as the other team cheers knowing they got the score while his head jolts to the crowd, aggressively searching for the one who messed up his serve. Even eyeing his fans who got scared by the way he turned his head in their direction.
Meanwhile, you’ve got glares surrounding you as your friend nudges you, letting out an exhale of disbelief that you’ve got death stares.
“We’ll get the next point ‘Tsumu, don’t worry.” Osamu says landing a hand to his brothers' shoulder while Atsumu readies himself for the serve of the opposite team.
“Whatever.”
After that certain match, Atsumu was more than determined to hunt down whoever caused the flunk of his serve. Silly as it is, he’s never heard someone dare to speak during his serve. He’d always let out a hand signal for them to be quiet- let it be known that if someone spoke, he’d be fine with it but a whole sneeze? He’d never let it go, especially when it resonated in his ears.
So, imagine the look on his face when he hears the exact same sound when he was just stopping by his locker.
“Fucking dust.” You said sniffling as you closed the door to your locker, and you were face to face with a wide-eyed Miya Atsumu holding out his finger and pointing it to you, as if he was accusing you of murder.
“It’s you!” He shouts making you raise your eyebrow at him, but the raise of his voice had intimidated you.
“What?” You asked him, not finding a single clue on whatever he was pertaining to.
“You messed up my serve by sneezing.” He says in the tone of ‘as-a-matter-of-fact’ making you lick your lips, a hand to your hip as you looked at him.
“I’m not apologizing for something I can’t control.” You were completely baffled by this man. Sure, you were his classmate, but this was your first year and you barely cared to take notice of all of them, only focusing on your school group that had you busy.
“You could’ve held it for like 2 more seconds at least.” You blinked before letting out a tired exhale as you eye him up and down. The setter of the school's volleyball team, you were aware of that because of how many matches you’ve been dragged to, but he’s never come up to you before.
This was a whole other introduction.
“Miya, right?” You asked him as he steps forward, looking down on you with a sly smirk.
“I guess I’m sorry.”
Atsumu stays silent for a few seconds but returns to his angry pout as he continues to stare at you.
“What’s your name?” Atsumu asks, crossing his arms in front of his chest.
“Y/N.”
From thereon, it looked like your life’s plot had spiked up. Atsumu was- you could call it as a miscalculation. Someone so loud and had his ego constantly fed was not someone you would stick around due to your strict schedule of balancing schoolwork and papers from your club. It was like a bump in the road wherein the objects in your car would’ve been juggled around because of the impact- that's what it felt like. Thinking that two years would’ve passed by like a breeze, time slowed down with him. The constant bickering and arguments were embedded in you like a tattoo. The way his cackle would echo through your ears when he’d struck a nerve to you, the way he’d purposely call you nicknames you swore you hated, to the same jokes can be dragged on for hours, and how every fiber of your body promised you’d leave when you’ve had enough.
But promises were always broken.
You stuck around and he did too. Atsumu provided you with his trust and company whenever you needed it. It’s a pleasant experience but it surely wasn’t at its best. What comes with it were headaches and harsh words but having a person who knew you until graduation and stayed was a different reason. He was a familiar, a person who isn’t a call away when you needed it but being in their presence would give you a pinch of comfort.
Maybe the only thing you can thank Atsumu for is getting to know his twin brother.
You accidentally sent a text to Osamu about you panicking about a missing file to be passed the following day and Osamu was up and ready to help you locate it. After finding it, you decided to treat him for being a life saver and he of course, was having the time of his life for the free food- it was also his favorite restaurant at that moment. During this time, you’ve got to talk more about each other. Months pass now Osamu and you were way better friends than you and his brother.
You and Osamus’ bond were the type that was just so serene, hardly any type of judgement when you’d bring up a problem, and all secrets were kept tight.
Osamu was the shoulder you can lean on, while Atsumu’s would shove your head away when you do so.
Your friendship drifted away when Atsumu stabbed your heart with the words “No.” and “I’m sorry.” You hesitated that day, to dial Osamu’s phone the way you used to, but it never happened. Your sobs muffled your voice and if you called him, he’d never understand a word that you’d say.
The opposite is that Osamu would understand everything.
Because you and Atsumu mirrored the same amount of pain.
He’d never seen his brother so- ruined. Atsumu’s thin walls didn’t shield his shouts of sorrow while Osamu withstood every bit of the torture show his brother had. Checking him on the next day, the setter was fast asleep with bags under his eyes and a red nose, clutching onto his pillow so tightly.
Osamu knew that day that the damage has been done and not a single band aid would mend the two shattered hearts.
-
Atsumu strolls to the around looking for a restaurant along with his teammates. The sun has fully set making the streets of Japan light up with how busy and crowded they were. Bokuto and Hinata were busy pointing at stands that had their favorite slabs of meat while Sakusa trails behind them with a mask, wanting to be removed from the push of people. As the eyes of the blonde land on a certain stand with multiple notes stuck onto a board, he smiles fondly. He then sees two kids running with smiles on their lips as they held each other's hand, obviously excited to explore the night.
“Come on, don’t be a wuss.” Atsumu says as you rolled your eyes and thought hard about his hand that was held out in front of you. Atsumu grunts before taking your hand in his before you could even decide properly. You followed his lead as he walked you through the sea of people. You were nervous that he had left practice to accompany you. Observing you from afar, you looked devastated, but you continued the rest of the day with a smile like nothing happened. Seeing that you looked dull talking to Karou, he pulled you away from whatever void of sadness you surrounded yourself in.
“Atsumu shouldn’t you be at practice?” You asked sighing, still with his hand in yours as you stopped by a stand.
“I should be but whatever that Karou did is obviously hurting you, you idiot.” Your eyes widened at his statement and this reaction confirmed his suspicions as anger forms inside of him. What could that boy have done to get you this upset? Did he physically hurt you? Atsumu hated how he cared- it wasn’t his business to meddle with but the frown on your lips was something he wanted to remove from you.
“Thank you.” You muttered as he buys you the same thing he ordered. He sees how you weren’t as colorless as before. The lights of the night brought saturation to your features as his eyes adored every feature of yours.
“It’s nothing.”
“Atsumu-san?” Hinata asks, tapping the boy on the shoulder while the blonde awakens from his escape.
Atsumu looks around once more, seeing that there wasn’t a trace of you, he moves on.
Like he was supposed to do in the first place.
-
“For our new assignment, why don’t we take the vice versa of your last project. Retirement is inescapable but why not find the reason they’d got into the sport. What makes it so exhilarating and unforgettable? That will be our topic this week. I’m giving you a week for interviews, photos, and articles. Video format is more suited for this task. Is that clear?” You all nodded as you wrote down the list of possible athletes to meet, jotting down an outline of some key points to remember.
“A tip for you all: look for the younger generations. It doesn’t matter to me what status the athlete stands in right now, it could be a friend or even a child. What I’m looking for the depths of the details in your research.” The professor stands making all of you bid him goodbye as he walks out of the room. You gathered your notebooks, sighing that you won’t have the time to properly rest- an exam was near right at the submission of your new task. You realized that you needed to sort out the things you were required to do before everything would pile up and get tangled in the short amount of time.
Who should I interview? God, everyone is so busy at this season. You thought. It’s true- you realized that matches were always lined up by this month. You also had classes to attend to and your mind could collapse at any given moment. You were more than worried about organizing your time properly but the feeling that you’d have several sleepless nights haunts you. You wished he could have extended the submission- though it didn’t get any better since after exams you tended to be drained from studying all night.
Going back to your apartment, you decided to put sticky notes all over your wall to help you sort out your priorities. Tomorrow would be Saturday meaning that you’ve done all the works to be passed on Monday and that you had zero meetings or classes. Saturday and Sunday would be divided to work parts, by Monday you should be up and running to work again.
You couldn’t let go of this group. It had given you countless of opportunities- even an offering to be an editor at a well-known magazine agency. You were in queue for the letter, so you decided to continue with the tasks of the group. You were thankful that you got used to the craziness of it all. The ability to multitask, to put the phone down once in a while, managing your time, those were just one of the benefits of getting used to it. The things you hated was that you barely had time for yourself. To lounge and just do nothing never met with what you were doing. You envied how some people from your group would plan some hang outs during a busy week and you always questioned how they managed to do it all without panicking.
You yawned as you felt your stomach growl at the scent of the delicious street food. Seeing that you fell short on money because the amount that was in your wallet was enough for your way home, it meant you’d have to wait to eat dinner until you came home. Letting out a groan you decided to walk your way even if you get shoved. God, you were starving and exhausted. The emotions were starting to fill you the more you moved. It didn’t help that everyone was so loud. You could hear the sound of the cackles from the drunken men in the corner, the cries of the baby that brought irritation to your eardrums and even the off-key singing of a (possibly) drunk girl at karaoke. You just wanted to cover your ears and crawl back to your bed not caring if you’d only be able to get 2 or 3 hours of sleep.
As you walked, you felt a boiling pile of liquid drip to your stomach making you let out a yelp as your clothes were drenched in the coffee stain that you despised. The liquid got to your skin making you wince at just how it impacted on your skin. You felt your eyes water as the woman tried to pat away the drink but instead made it worse because you wanted the fabric to be away from you as possible- which was the opposite of what she was doing.
“Oh my god- I'm so sorry.” She kept saying while patting your abdomen while you tried to wave her off, but she kept going making the tears flow from your eyes as you chose to walk away, covering your face at how humiliated you were. You sobbed in your hands as you bumped into someone before removing them from your face to find a bench to sit on but seeing that people were already turning their heads to look at you, you’ve had enough already.
Finally finding your bus stop, you sat down burying your face in the palm of your hands sobbing as your mind replays how you’ve made a fool out of yourself for the last time. Everything was going terribly and you didn’t know how to control it without losing your cool. Sure, you’ve managed to escape the people but the feeling is still badly glued to you.
“Is everything okay?”
Someone asks but the voice became a blur to you because you were so focused on your sobs and the unstable breathing.
“Go away.” You whispered but there was a weight added to your left side as you kept your face hidden behind your hands.
“I shouldn’t have asked.” The man says looking down before standing up to leave the bench, making you intake in a sharp exhale, relieved he left.
“Why does everything have to be so fucking difficult? How am I gonna interview a volleyball player at this state?” You rambled on thinking that guy has exited your business and was free from companion.
“I mean- we’re not close- but I’m a volleyball player?”
You wiped your eyes as your heart started to run a mile now that you’ve familiarized yourself with his voice.
Lifting your head, there in front of you was the one thing that your heart had wished to see.
“Atsumu?”
His eyes widen as his chest expands, his heart growing ten times bigger than it was while it beats like a drum on heavy metal song.
“Y/N- I didn’t know- wow.” Breathless, speechless, weak- those were the words that defined your emotions. You wanted to pass out- to act like you just mistaken him for a person but he was real and you had a hard time believing it.
“Atsumu?" God, he missed it. The way his name would fall of those taunting lips of yours. The tone in your voice leading him back to the memories that he couldn’t push away.
You had to believe it. There was no other way that your starvation can make you this delusional. You called his name like you were unsure that he was ever real- like a character your brain had developed to cope with your sorrows. You dared to touch him, maybe if you did it would be a wisp of air but you were scared that if you reached out to him, you could feel his skin and remember how you wanted it to be within your grasp all the time.
Perhaps it’s a dream but this time you’d never want to wake up if this was the only way you can be together.
“Y/N..I- how are you?” How could he manage to act so civil? Your presence shocked him like electricity in his veins, pumping his heart at an unusual speed. His voice was unsteady and low, experiencing the same thoughts like you.
It’s like he was dragged back to your last encounter. Seeing your eyes filled with so much agony and how you looked so torn from his rejection, it’s the same look that you had now. It’s like his eyes were playing a risky game with him but he couldn’t complain since he’s been wanting to see you ever since you let go.
“Well, I’m burned-out that’s for sure.” You said with a light chuckle as he sits back down, wondering if it’d be alright to be close to you.
“What’s this interview about?” He asks, fiddling with the strings of his jacket while you tore your eyes away from him because you knew the admiration for him would erupt anytime soon.
“What got athletes into the sport in the first place.” Atsumu places his finger under his chin, thinking deeply about what offer he just made.
It’d mean that he could be in the same room with you for more than the hours he spent crying to himself but why waste the chance? You needed it- heck you wouldn’t be this distraught if you weren’t so affected by it. There was a never-ending list of things to do but meeting with Atsumu wasn’t even in your list of expectations because you were over with hoping into something that takes a miracle.
But he is the miracle.
“Atsumu..I don’t want you to see me like this.” You said, looking down on your hands that were on your lap, letting your hair fall in front of you to avoid his concerned gaze.
“What do you mean?”
“I haven’t seen you in years, this is not what I planned to look like when I first see you.” Atsumu feels his heart frown at how low you spoke of yourself, but he understood. If you saw him in the state that you were in right now, he too would feel like he could’ve done or look better, even at least handle the situation without crumbling apart.
He knew you were in a troubled place of your mind but he just wonders where you could talk about why everything fell apart.
He missed the way it was casual to talk to you. Maybe an insult as a greeting, or a flick to the arm but he never expected to talk to you with his heart dropping in your hands. He just couldn’t forget the way you’d let him go that day during graduation, it’s almost like the sensation was still lingering around his palm even if he held a ball.
He just wished he said yes, only then, you’d be meant for each other.
“Do you mean it?” You asked sighing, not baring the weight of his silence. The pace of his heart quickens as he starts to worry if this was the confrontation that he held back all these years.
“The interview.” He was more than glad to do it. He was thankful that you weren’t talking about the bad memories or the circle of tension you two were in.
He looks at you while another strike was given to his heart seeing you this way. He’d do everything to bring back the color in your features.
“Of course.”
You smiled at his words as you both stand up but you felt conscious about the stain that was still stuck to your shirt making you desperately try to hide it by pulling your bag to the messed up section. Atsumu didn’t know that the person he had followed was the same person that got coffee dipped down on them. He didn’t recognize you at first because you had your hands covering your cries. He was worried for you when you ran off but when he knew it was you, he couldn’t believe if it was luck or a granted wish.
“Just wear this.” He says, handing you placing his jacket on your shoulders as your heart flutters at how he looked at you, completely filled with sincerity and the way his hand stayed on your shoulder.
“What the fuck do you want?” He asks you with a knife-like stare, purposely bumping harshly into you.
“Wow Miya, I was just walking.” You said returning the same fuel that he had.
“Then get out of my way then.”
“Thank you.” You said smiling lightly. He catches a glimpse of your smile and he feels his world light up at the sight of it.
I missed you.
“So where to?” He asks as you walk beside him just like old times. His height still intimidating you but it was still difficult to believe that this was the same Atsumu you had fallen for in high school.
“My apartment. We missed the bus so I hope it’s okay for you to wait.”
“I can always drive us there.” You’ve never whipped your head faster than this moment. You always trusted Osamu when he said that Atsumu couldn’t be a better driver than his own brother because Atsumu liked to rev up the engine like one of those scenes in a movie.
With the thought in your mind, you laughed.
Atsumu stops walking as he lets himself dwell at the sound of it.
Then there was a smile that he couldn’t contain.
“Sorry for laughing, ‘Tsumu. Never pictured you to have a car earlier than ‘Samu that’s all.” You explained as he chuckles, continuing to be beside you, a place that he finds himself to be the happiest.
“Yeah yeah I get it- I’m a little careless but not all the time y’know?” He says while he leads the way. The breeze felt comfortable now, it had a tweak of coldness but maybe it was just the atmosphere of you two.
When you walked to his car and told him your address, there was another silence but you tried to tell yourself that this was just Atsumu. Nothing to be worried about because you’ve known him for too long to act like all distant.
This is Atsumu- that's every reason that there is to feel nervous around him.
“How long have you been living there?” He asks while you started to feel just how badly you wanted to give in to sleepiness. You shifted once in a while to control yourself from falling asleep in his damn car. Every urge to just lay quiet for a while but you knew this would lead to a deep slumber.
“Ever since graduation.” You answered, annoyed that his jacket was inviting you to lay there and sleep away your stress though you were scared that once you wake up- Atsumu would be gone again.
“And you didn’t call to tell me about it?” He jokes but the chuckle that he expected never came because he knew just how awkward it’d be if you actually called just for that sole reason. Atsumu bites his lip at his failed attempt to drag the conversation on.
Then you giggled.
“I wanted to but I wouldn’t wanna bother the famous MSBY player.” You said smiling at him, proud that he continued on. You knew from Osamu of course, a single update when he had mentioned how well his restaurant had become, you also saw them in a poster once, even recognizing a few of his past opponents.
“Well, it would be a shame.”
There you are.
You finally arrived at your apartment and again you felt the slice of satisfaction as you removed your shoes and placed them on the table. You were partly thankful that your apartment was clean since you never have the time to spend a whole day in it only coming home late at night. Atsumu looks around as you prepare him a drink and a few snacks-it'd be rude not to.
Atsumu sees the photos where you won several awards for your loyalty and hardwork at your club. He sees how time passes and you grew into a version of you that he finds even more flawless then before. Your equipment and how everything was organized on your desk, he knew how much things changed because he used to see you doubt yourself every time you’d finish a paper but now you won awards because of them.
“Atsumu, is it alright if I shower real fast?” You asked while he raises a brow at you confused that you had to ask for his permission.
“Of course, Y/N- you didn’t have to ask.” He said chuckling while he sits on the couch, letting his eyes wonder around.
“I promise I’ll be back.”
“Please don’t rush yourself. Take yer time. “ He says while you smile at him before dashing to your room to gather new clothes, feeling like you’ve won a lottery with how happy you were to remove the coffee drenched top, tossing it to your laundry bin while you step into the shower enjoying the way the water decorated your skin, cleansing it from all the worries. While Atsumu scrolls on his phone to ease himself from the anxiousness. His finger would casually glide over Osamu’s phone number, to ask him what to do.
After a few minutes, you stepped out of the shower like a whole new person. You saw the way Atsumu’s eyes lit up when you walked in but you pushed the thought away. He pats the seat next to him while you grabbed your notebook and pen, ready to scribble down the questions.
“Are there any uncomfortable questions you’d want to avoid?” You asked him while he shakes his head while you took note of the possible questions.
“Is it okay for the interview to be filmed?” He nodded while you leaned onto the pillow, sighing happily at how you’ve managed to calm down from the pile of embarrassment earlier.
“Thank you for doing this, ‘Tsumu- really you don’t know how much I appreciate you for this.” You said leaning your cheek on the side of the couch as Atsumu copies your actions staring at you lovingly.
“You’re welcome, Y/N.” He says smiling while you returned to write a list of questions for him. With every time you look down on your notebook, Atsumu’s eyes never left you while his mind recalls every moment where he msised the opportunity to tell you just how beautiful you were.
Soon, you’ve fallen asleep while he lets the feeling sink in.
I’ve never wanted to hold you more than I do now.
He sighs before placing the blanket on your body while he kneels down and tucks a piece of hair behind your ear, his finger tracing your cheek.
“You’ll never know how much I missed you.” He whispers while you shifted in your sleep meeting his face. Before he stands up, he feels you reach for him while he’s left surprise at your touch.
“Stay please.” You whispered while he smiles weakly, placing a kiss on your forehead.
“I always will.”
-
The morning comes and you felt the blush creep on your cheeks remembering how easily you felt asleep. You wondered if Atsumu stayed, if he left- you couldn’t really blame him. So yawning and stretching when you woke up, you certainly didn’t expect to see Atsumu cooking you some breakfast. You couldn’t even move your legs, every part of you has gone stiff just admiring the way he moves.
“Hey, good morning.” He greets with a wave, a spatula in his hand, a bright smile tugged on his lips.
“Atsumu- oh god I’m so sorry.” You said as you went to him. You caught a whiff of what he was cooking and you swore you could’ve drooled knowing you didn’t even got the chance to eat dinner. Atsumu knew that of course so he called Osamu up in the morning to serve you the best breakfast he could ever make. He was initially supposed to make you dinner but you fell asleep before he could do it so this was his rebound.
“Idiot, it’s fine. Just sit down on the table and I’ll prepare the food.”
“Atsumu-“
“Just go, Y/N. I promise it’s okay- you deserve to rest before you work again.” You couldn’t even think properly with his words. It was so minimum but it was something you’d forget to do- rest. Hearing him remind you that sets a new feeling in your system. You did obey him though, you sat on the table as he even handed you coffee for him and you, placing the breakfast on the table. God, he was everything. You thought that after a few years, you two would completely drift apart but it seems like you were wrong for the hundredth time.
“Please don’t even think about ways to thank me, it’s nothing to me. “ He says taking the seat next to you while you place the food on his plate. You couldn’t even utter a word at how grateful you were for him and he’d be happy to get used to seeing you first thing in the morning.
“Atsumu, after breakfast can we have a run down of the questions first?” You asked him, growing more comfortable.
“Yeah sure.”
-
You sat on the couch, placing your camera on the table aligning it to the best possible angle as Atsumu sits down in front of you. You had your notebook on your lap as he praises how you looked so professional even if it was just a practice.
“Ready?” You asked while he nods with a smile as you pressed the camera to shoot so you could keep your composure, even if you struggled to.
“What does the sport mean to you?” You asked him, your eyes glimmering with the suns rays hitting it perfectly, while the words were removed from Atsumus mind. Seeing his hesitation, you decided to reassure him.
“It’s fine if you can’t answer straight away. I can always change the question if you like.” You commented, smiling at him to make sure he doesn’t feel rushed to answer. He nods, still not finding the exact same words to describe what he wanted to say.
“I’ll change the question for now.” You said while he let’s out a sigh before listening to you once again.
“What was the biggest struggle in your career?” He sends you a worried stare but his mind nearly bursts at his answer.
“Getting over you.”
You dropped your pen on the couch as Atsumu continued to speak since this was the answer his heart was sure of responding to.
“I tried to forget- I did. For every year that passes, the more fucking harder it gets to act like I didn’t love you back when you walked away.”
“Atsumu-“
“I know I said no- I was too late to realize how stupid I was to be scared of falling for you. I couldn’t let myself be the man who could love you when all this time I tried to hate you because I knew I would hurt you- and I already did.”
We get hurt a lot but it doesn’t mean I won’t come back to you.
Love grew and died during your second year at Inarizaki.
Before Atsumu, you found Karou. A boy who was a new recruit to your group whose helped you multiple times and has shared a conversation with you about your similar likes. There was this strange infatuation with him that even Osamu had to question how deep was the bite of love on you. You’ve fallen, of course. Occasionally leaving notes on his desk to just let him know how he made your day but it never worked. He would only paste the note on another persons desk like it was nothing. Not even getting the reaction you wanted, it felt too normal when it shouldn’t be. Realizing how this was just rejection in the shadows, you gave up. Obviously heart broken at the mere thought of how your chances were blown away. When Atsumu saw how gloomy you were that day, he had to show you how much you didn’t need Karou and there grew a different bond between the both of you.
And with a bond like that, you became attached to him.
It was all becoming clearer and clearer as you realized that you fell for the wrong person first.
“You’re too stupid to fall for a douche like him. “ He says kicking the rock that was in front of him.
“You’re lucky with that admirer of yours, Miya. I’ve never seen someone stick around you for so long.” You teased. It’s true the half of the twin hearthrob has gotten himself a sincere admire. It wasn’t one of his crazy fans- this was a person who genuinely cared for him and the words on every note he received would make the poor boy blush uncontrollably and you envied how he’s yet to realize that he too was falling for this unknown person.
While you two were oblivious to the slip up of the universe, it took a toll on you.
Because the notes you’d leave on Karous desk, always ended up on Atsumu’s instead.
“I wanna meet them so bad. Just to see if they actually care and it’s not a prank. They haven’t given me a note and it’s been what a month? I doubt it was ever real.”
“With the amount of effort they gave, I’m sure it was real.”
It’s real for me even if it shouldn’t be.
There wasn’t any other way then to accept the feelings that stayed on your skin. The moments where you thought that being around Atsumu would bring you stressful banters and more, it turned into butterflies that surrounded your room. You chose to deny it at first but remembering that graduation and good-byes were near, you had to tell him at some point.
And when you did, you poured your heart out and not even a single drop was caught.
“Last words before I forget your dumbass?” He taunts while you felt your sweat drip down the side of your forehead as you couldn’t control it anymore. You wondered if there was a simple word to describe just how much you adored him without turning it into a whole speech. This was it- you had to do it or else you’d end up being stuck on the feeling of loving him.
“I..like you Atsumu and I can’t say good-bye without telling you.”
Then there was the awful silence that he gave making you clutch onto your shirt, preparing you for the worst.
But by the way he looked so terrified and frozen, you knew.
“Atsumu?”
“No- I’m sorry.”
“And I don’t know what I’d do if I let you leave again.” He whispers as he leans closer to you, taking your hands in his while your ability to speak has been taken away by how gentle he was as his thumb caresses your hand and a look that looked so fragile.
He takes his hand and cups your cheek, pulling you close to him as his vulnerability increases.
“Do you feel the same too?” He was being so careful because a wrong choice of a word could make it all fall apart again and you could feel how tense he was but he holds you like a gem- something so beautiful that it’d cost him his life if he ever dropped you.
Your hand lands on the same hand that was on your cheek while Atsumu’s eyes widen remembering how you neglected to hold his hand before.
But it stayed.
Closing your eyes and melting in his touch, you spoke.
“I never stopped loving you, Atsumu.”
He lets his forehead rest on yours, a smile on his lips, who was soon to be on yours.
“Then be mine all over again.”
#haikyu x reader#haikyuu!!#miya atsumu#atsumu x y/n#atsumu x reader#hq atsumu#msby atsumu#atsumu imagines#miya osamu#inarizaki
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May I have a my hero and ohshc matchup plz
I'm a short girl around 5'2 with long brown hair and eyes and a leo. I like anime,dragons,reptiles,drawing but I'm not good,tarantulas,sweets,video games, memes,dark humor. I am very kind but I care more about others than I do myself. I have bad anxiety. I tend to overthink about everything. I love to sing especially country music but I am tone deaf. I have trouble standing up for myself because I was bullied alot. I can be very blunt. I also love to swear. I can be very loud. I love a good mystery and cop shows. I love dad jokes and puns.I am terrified of bees and heights. I am very lazy but I can be good at doing stuff if motivated. I have a very kind heart and sad stories or ones with very happy endings make my heart happy or hurt like crazy. But even though I'm kind that doesn't mean i am nice all the time. I am extremely grumpy and have a short temper especially on no sleep or if I just woke up. I also do have adhd and some anxiety I dont like being touched randomly unless I know it will happen or if I touch someone. As for dreams I'm not sure I wanna be a voice actor but not too sure if its right for me as I don't know how to edit or even have the equipment. I want someone who can just listen to me as I ramble on about things I love. I want someone to understand that I think differently then normal people. I also want someone to be able to understand im not the most affectionate person but I can be if given time but I will help someone if they are touch starved like I am.
[🌄 @cutelittleriot requested one (1) regular My Hero Academia matchup. I have just the ingredients for that! Sit tight while I get to work.🌌]
YAYYY!! First bnha matchup!! I gotchu bud 👍 I’m thinking about trying something new for the bnha fandom in particular. So, I’ll try it out and see what you think! Also, I got a little carried away with this one, so if it doesn’t seem characteristically accurate to you, please tell me!! 😖
And, the lucky person is:
⛰Eijiro Kirishima⛰
Quirk: Dragon
Dragon is a mutation quirk. It manifests slowly over time, until the user becomes about 60% dragon-esque at around 15/16 years old.
Scales and tough skin appear on the arms, legs, and face. Sharp teeth and claws grow in. Horns protrude from the forehead. A tail grows from the spine. Finally, wings grow from the back.
Flesh becomes twice as tough in places where scales are.
Depending on the user’s body type, wing usage is limited. (Since you’re generally shorter than average, “flying” and gliding comes easier to you.)
When the user consumes pressurized carbon dioxide, their stomach converts it into flammable gasses. Which allows the user to breathe- er...burp...fire.
Fire must be carefully used however. The smoke produced can accidentally be breathed in, causing lung damage.
🌱Humble Beginnings🌱
I’ll start by saying this: Being bullied is never fun. Being bullied over something you can’t easily control or change? Rub salt in it, why don’tcha?
You weren’t sure what the select few kids in your grade thought was so hilarious about your quirk. But, they managed to find enough wrong with it to do their damage for most of your time in school
First, the patches of scales that showed up on your skin were “too weak”. Then, your awkward transition stage with growing horns, wings, and tail was suddenly “ugly”
By the time your quirk fully manifested, the jeers finally devolved to “freak-ish”
Like a river carving out the Grand Canyon, the work was slow and wore you down over time. But, the impact was a lot bigger than even you’d initially thought
While you managed to somewhat heal and learned to guard your emotions against such hurtful things, that’s all you learned to do: Guard yourself. You were a shield with no spear, since you never fought back
With the help of supportive parents and teachers, your self-esteem wasn’t so low, but you did often downplay or underestimate your abilities
Like, Bitch??? You can burp fire??? Know your power???
The people you were on good terms with seemed to see a potential that you either disregarded, or didn't know about all together
They saw the way you treated others with consideration and forethought. How, despite (or because of) your anxiety, you remained hyper-aware of the problems of others and how to accommodate. And while your anger did have its vices, people knew how hot your righteous rage could burn
It actually took a lot of convincing for you to even apply to U.A.
Outside of your other aspirations for the future, you didn’t particularly feel worthy for the job. Of anything you could be, you weren’t a fearless, upstanding, unshakable individual, not even giving a second thought to throwing yourself into danger for the good of others. You weren’t your alleged definition of a hero, and that was enough to deter you
But, whenever you recited your polite (well-rehearsed) decline, most gave you the same weirdly optimistic retort:
“Just try, maybe you’ll do better than you’re giving yourself credit for.”
So, here you were at an entrance exam full of people you hardly knew, wondering how you even rationalized to yourself that this would go just fine
The written exam went okay. As well as you could for literally guessing what to study to pass
All you had to do was do your best on the physical exam, and you’d be done for the day
But, your issue was in the people around you, not the exam itself
You were aware of the high amount of attention the moment you walked onto campus. The way other kids measured you up from a distance, studying everything about your not-so-human body. Watching your every move, especially the way your movements were strained from soreness (A short period of intense training tends to do that to you). You assumed they also wanted to see if your disposition was as powerful as your quirk suggested
((You specifically noticed a coltish, green-haired kid muttering to himself, questioning if your wings could actually support your body weight))
Even now, as the prospective heroes-in-training warmed up, you felt the stares burning into you
Half of you wanted to lift your eyes and rhetorically ask what the hell they were looking at, only feeling more annoyed as you snorted and returned to what you were doing. The other half wanted to fold into yourself until you disappeared (If only it were that easy)
But, you had enough (Roughly, one billion) worries on your mind to put confrontation on the list. Shaking off your anxious shivers as you lowered your head and continued with your “stretches” seemed so much easier
(A.k.a. Staring off into space as you held your limbs in awkward positions)
The time to begin the physical test was drawing near, and your self-doubt hadn’t eased up. Maybe this was a mistake. You didn’t belong here. Not when so many other students could fill the space you’re wasting so much better. Maybe if you slipped through the back now, you’d save yourself the disappointment of not living up to your own standards
“Hey, brown-haired girl! With the horns!”
You heard a gruff whisper from not to far behind you, from the left. You tensed for a moment, wondering what the voice could possibly want from you. But, the sight you saw was rather unexpected
The voice definitely matched the body, bulky and slightly rough looking, a little taller than you. Matched with a sweet face, sharp teeth, and bright, spiky, red hair. The smile he showed you instantly calmed your thoughts
“…Hm?”
You gave a short response, not wanting to jump to conclusions yet
“I saw you looking kinda psyched out over here, so I thought talking to you would make you less nervous!”
You felt a warm and fuzzy sensation in the pit of your stomach. As much encouragement as you got to achieve things, you didn’t see much of it to consider how you felt. How you could feel better. You liked it, which was surprising, considering the encouragement came from a perfect stranger
“Oh, uhh…thanks then. But, I’m fine, I promise! I’m no more nervous than you are.”
“Well, that’s also why I came to talk…I’m kinda freaking out too…”
This boy’s transparency was almost scary, but on the other hand, very comforting. You didn’t catch him trying to stare at your mutated parts once as you talked. Your eyes were the thing he seemed the most focused on, and while it made you embarrassed, it was the good kind (if that makes sense)
But, soon enough, the announcement for the beginning of the exam came over the loudspeaker, and you and your acquaintance had to look out for yourselves. But, before you parted ways, the redhead turned to you
“I’m Eijiro Kirishima, by the way! See you when I see you, Shortie!”
🌳Flourishing Love🌳
The beginning of Kirishima seeing you as a romantic option happened not too long after parting ways at the physical exam
He was almost completely cornered by one of the machines students could disarm for points. And just as that was happening, you had just turned the corner after shaking off another one
You saw Kirishima, but he definitely didn’t see you, trying hard to look tough, but struggling to stand his ground
It quickly dawned on you that Kirishima didn’t have a quirk that could easily deal with the hostile device. And if he did, he was too scared to use it
You vetoed the idea of charging in head on first. You didn’t feel like getting yourself or Kirishima hurt. Especially without a plan. You needed to be smart about getting your only acquaintance out of this situation
Your heart raced and your execution was all but clean, but you ended up using your fire breath to weld the robot’s wheels to the concrete
Before you let your inhibitions get the better of you, you climbed the machine and punched out the camera on the front. From atop the beast, you hung your tail over the edge low enough for Kirishima to grab. You didn’t dare look down at the ground
“Dammit Eijiro, grab on!!”
Once you felt a weight on your tail, you used your wings to propel you both forward. Obviously, away from the robot
You were too high on adrenaline and fear to notice, but Kirishima stared at you like you were the embodiment of Heaven on Earth. The stars in his eyes almost seemed inappropriate for the situation 😅
You looked just as—if not more—afraid than he was. But, you seemed so okay with the fact that you weren’t fearless, and acted like a true hero anyway. He admired, dare I say loved that about you
And he didn’t even know your name
As soon as you found out that you and Kirishima were in the same class, you felt instant relief. At least you were familiar with someone at U.A.
You guys’ friendship developed rather fast, like and extrovert adopting an introvert
Kirishima quickly noticed how fast you opened up once you got comfortable around him, and loved you all the more for how bright and vibrant the unfiltered you was
He found himself picking up on your sense of humor, telling dad jokes you whisper under your breath to the Bakusquad (Much to Bakugou’s dismay 😅)
Don’t worry, he always gives you the credit 😉
As time went on, Kirishima learned to appreciate how blunt you were. He realized that he needed someone to tell it like it is (“It isn’t manly to sugarcoat things! 😤” he says)
And while Kirishima prefers physical activities over video games, he loves to hype you up while you play before classes
It was only natural a mutual crush would form :D
Kirishima finally worked up the guts to ask you out after the U.S.J. Incident
You and him had gotten separated (You had gotten trapped with the cold son of Endeavor. And you both took out the villains with an awe-inspiring display of fire and ice)
Kirishima was faced with the reality that either of you could lose each other at any moment. And while both of you came out alright, he realized he couldn’t be wishy-washy about his feelings for you
He told you on your way to school the next morning:
“Look. What happened yesterday really scared me. Normally, I wouldn’t say that, but I think you deserve to know. Because…you mean a lot to me!! More than I can put into words. I love when we have fun together, and I don’t know what I’d do with myself if I never got to tell you how I felt…”
“Basically…I like you!! Like…in the romantic way…”
Your early morning grumpiness dissipated almost instantly, replaced by momentary confusion and disbelief, then embarrassment and joy. Was this really happening…? The boy that took a chance on you since the beginning, confessed that he had feelings for you…? Even though you didn’t question your relationship, you always assumed the nice things Kirishima said, the way he looked at you, was all part of the pleasantries. You questioned if you were even worth all of that
‘But you are.’ The little voice Kirishima helped you develop said. ‘And he would say more if he didn’t look so embarrassed.’
And so, you accepted Kirishima’s confession. And he saw the sweetest smile you had ever given him since the first time he complimented your puns 😊❤️
\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/
[🌌 There you go bud! That’s one matchup for the road. Hopefully it lasts for a while, but if it doesn’t, feel free to come back! I’d be thrilled to see you again.🌄] —Reagan
#caravan commodities#special bindles#matchup#cutelittleriot.traveler#cutelittleriot.request#mha x reader#bnha x reader#my hero academia x reader#boku no hero academia x reader#mha matchup#bnha matchup#back on the grind#😊#my other choices would’ve been Mirio or Sero
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Whatever It Takes : Reloaded
They're on a mission, chasing a lead in hopes of locating where The Shadow Company is situated.
Table of Contents
Previous Chapter : Vlad the Janitor
Chapter 20 to another story made by Ray (echo-three-one) Comments and Reviews appreciated! I hope you enjoy! Love you all ❤️
forgive the piccrew
Undying Admiration
Francine "France" Winters
Safe house 110197, Brazil
"Look at them two, you think we could do that too?" Soap asked France. They were both seated on Soap's side of the floor, the soft foam caught their asses as they crossed their legs while Soap spun around a water bottle.
"You and me? Sing and Dance? Never in a million years!" She denied looking at the poor guy's attempt to actually get her to like him. She thinks he already knew that she's already falling for him since day one. But she wanted to focus on other things at hand rather than distract herself with romance. Maybe if this was all over and he's still there, he'll finally get the answer he's looking for.
"Why not? I'm kinda okay with singing." He grinned. Francine giggled. Sure he is, his overconfidence was getting attractive for her. If they weren't soldiers in a war, they'd probably be making out again. What happened back at the Gulag was an impulse, she never saw it coming as she almost lost hope for his absence.
"Why don't you like… sing for me?" She dared her eyes stared intensely into Soap's eye-catching baby blue orbs. She made a mental note that staring for more than five seconds in those were already dangerous, so she always breaks it before the fifth.
"Why do you do that?" He asked, his voice was giving her ears a good time. Yes. She's falling for him. It felt like everything he does is attractive, but she shouldn't be too quick, life has taught her that the faster she falls in love, the faster they leave. So she had to test the guy's patience.
"Do what?" she asked as if she didn't know what he meant.
"Look me in the eyes then immediately break it as soon as I stare long enough…" His eyes squinted towards her as she evaded eye contact.
"I don't do that." She easily shrugged it off and got up.
"Well, good night. John. We have an early mission tomorrow." She got up as Soap trailed his eyes on her, the look of admiration was painted all across his face.
"Can you not look at me like that?!" She pleaded as her cheeks blushed. Her boyish appeal on the force always repelled attention and now this guy was admiring her for who she is and she felt happy.
"I won't do it if I get a good night's kiss." he pouted his wonderful lips. Lips she actually really wanted to taste again.
"Good Night John." She said as she closed the men's bedroom door and went to her bed.
~
When Price told her about a small recon mission, she never knew it was this small. The team only consisted of her and Ghost riding a rental truck to a village which was a few kilometers away from their safe house. The point person was an alleged nephew of a soldier that currently works for Shepherd. It was almost a dead lead but the intel being accessible enough was sort of worth it.
Rule of engagement is "Don't".
The village would most likely be unarmed, unprotected and peaceful. But Price advised to keep a side arm in case things go awry. It was a good call, and France noted to herself that she won't ever fire a shot for this mission as to not raise any sort of attention in addition to what Shepherd already gave them.
"Looks like it's time to go." Soap muttered as Ghost passed through them looking prepared.
Soap nodded goodbye to the man but he just continued walking.
"Maybe he had earphones on." he muttered as he pouted his lips. France softly reached for his cheek and shoved it sideways.
"In your dreams." She laughed as she waved goodbye.
"Every night." He winked as France made an almost disgusted face and followed Ghost. She was lucky enough that she quickly moved that Soap won't see her blushing cheeks.
France hoisted herself on the shotgun of the car and smiled at her partner, who looked serious. Without his mask, he was your average tough british soldier, and he looked like he wasn't in for some small talk while driving. France respected his privacy and trailed her eyes elsewhere, looking at the lush greenery and muddy tracks of tropical Brazil.
France wasn't a fan of quiet road trips, she tried humming to tunes from her playlist as the loud revving of the rental jeep overpowered her voice.
"Are you usually this quiet?" France asked, trying to break the silence between them.
"Yeah. You got a problem with that?" He replied, his eyes trailed on the road as it hit a bump. France actually felt shocked toward his reply and she started to worry about what she did wrong.
"You know you could always say no to Price's orders instead of regretting and wishing Roach would be here instead of me." She pouted, crossing her arms.
"Well that wasn't my case but now that you said it, maybe I should've asked for Roach instead!" He yelled. France couldn't help but shed a tear. She actually had no idea towards his hostility and the thought of not knowing any reason made her mad.
"Wow. Okay." she squirmed and unbuckled her seatbelt causing Ghost to slow down his driving.
"Where are you going? The village is still far from here!" he asked, France never bothered to talk to him as she simply walked away from the path.
Ghost immediately left the vehicle and followed her, catching her so she won't escape and run away.
"Why are you not replying?!" He asked, gripping her hands, restricting her movement. France used her strength to break free of his slightly weak grip and turned to him.
"You see now how it feels? To ignore someone without knowing why?!" She raised her voice. This seemed to make sense to Simon as he actually looked like he's sorry.
"I… " he sighed and looked at her, his eyes were lost and sad.
"I can't talk to you anymore… because I like you… but you've already set your eyes on someone else… so I just had to ignore you hoping that it'll make it less painful." he muttered. Complete silence filled the air.
France didn't know what to do. She didn't know what to say. It may be true that she already had eyes on a certain Scottish cutie, but telling him the truth all over again would leave such mental scars.
It took her long enough to say something that Ghost already invited her back to the car, and her silence may leave no meaning, but to Ghost it meant a lot, at least he knew that he no longer had a chance on her and would finally move on.
The village was like any other typical village, the elder's house would always be on the highest point and the two opted to ask the village elder first to gather clues.
One clue led to another as they visited each house looking for one Fabian Alvarez, a nephew of an alleged Shadow Company soldier. Only a few were able to speak fluent english and they decided to help, until such time that Fabian decided to show up.
He looked like a five year old kid, holding a rubber ball and he looked at France and Ghost awkwardly before hiding back into his house. Fabian was far too young to know about his uncle's whereabouts and the lead went cold once again.
The ride home was quiet. France didn't want to say anything as she can't. Her heart was like inside a washing machine, swirling around as she thought of how Ghost liked her while she's clearly liking someone else. It must've been hella awkward and painful to see on a daily basis. She felt that once, when her best friend got together with her high school crush and continued to stay together up to this day… She knew how he felt.
~
The moment they got back, she was actually greeted by Soap, who already had his hands wide open for a hug. As usual, France would ignore his gesture and it now felt that she was already helping out Ghost from the pain. But now, she's the one feeling restricted.
It pained her to not get near Soap and he's already starting to notice the indifference. She was actually surprised when he cornered her, just as soon as she stepped out of the shower.
Her cheeks flushed as the idea of her, only wrapped with a towel, stood in front of Soap. She felt really vulnerable in this position.
"What happened out there?" he looked angry but the tone of his voice sounded concerned.
"Nothing, it's just … A dead lead. A waste of time." She replied as she attempted to cross over him.
"And how does that warrant an indifferent approach toward me?" he quickly moved to block her again. She sighed at her actions. He was right. He didn't deserve this treatment, he needed to learn something about the truth.
"We had a little fight with your friend over there…" She muttered, her voice was low enough so he couldn't hear.
"Who, Ghost?" he inched his face closer and his face lit up like a curious bystander who overhears conversations on a daily basis.
"Yeah… It was an unpleasant exchange." She said vaguely.
"Well, it'll all be resolved soon. I guess you're too carried away that you didn't want to talk to me as well…" he chuckled and scratched the back of his head. That gesture always made France happy, he may not notice it but she loves the way his muscles twitch when he scratches his nape. She found it satisfying and hot.
"Yeah… I'll go change." She said, as she frowned as soon as they parted. She knew she had to tell him the specific reason and the events that occured today, but she felt that it would create a domino effect that would lead the team to be uncooperative.
During bedtime, Alex requested France to swap sleeping spaces, meaning that she had to lie down beside Soap. She couldn't find the courage to say no as it might ruin the reunion they both longed for after a very long time.
France swung the door open and found out that they were already asleep, except for Ghost who was once again missing. She used this opportunity to actually wake Soap up and let him be aware that she'll be sleeping beside him. She planned to make both men comfortable by spacing herself between them, by only showing affection to Soap while Ghost's not around, until such time that Ghost would accept the inevitable truth.
"John." She whispered, as Soap lazily opened his eyes and reached out for her, wrapping her in his arms.
"I really like you. A lot. I hope you'll be patient enough for me." She whispered again. She knew he wouldn't hear it but the idea of her actually expressing her thoughts to him, put her at ease, as she slowly closed her eyes and drifted to sleep, wrapped by the arms of the man whom she really admired.
Next Chapter : If I Remember Correctly
Notification Squad my Beloved
@ricinbach @whimsywispsblog @smokeywhalee @samatedeansbroccoli @enderio @beemybee
#horRAYfic#john soap mactavish#john price#alex echo 3 1#simon ghost riley#gary roach sanderson#whateverittakes#yeouch
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Are you willing to write a Stucky with a child that has Cystic Fibrosis? If so, can it be a domestic fluff? Like Bucky finds the kid and they remind him of Pre-serum Steve so he and Bucky take them in. Thank you if you can. (I'm sorry just want to see a CF character in a fandom I love)
Hi dear!! I was very nervous to write this as I wasn't very aware of the symptoms of CF. I went on a lot of medical sites and I think I have the information right? If not I am so so sorry and I will redo it!! Also I'm going to make their child a daughter but feel free to switch up the pronouns! -Selenophile
Cystic fibrosis is a genetic condition, which means that it is something you are born with. Cystic fibrosis is known to cause your lungs to produce extra-thick, sticky mucus. This mucus builds up and clogs your airways. Side effects include persistent cough with phlegm, postnasal drip, wheezing, shortness of breath, inability to exercise, as well as poor growth and low body weight despite a good appetite.
Y/N reads the doctors note every day. When she was younger, she didn't understand one word of it. At two years of age she would hand over the card to the family that had high hopes of adopting a little girl. They would usually leave without her. Her housemother, Mrs. Hamilton, always played it off as a different type of superhero form the comic books. Not a lot of adults want superhero babies. It was so easy to believe that. Now she’s 18. She getting released into the real world Luckily, her friend offered her house just till she can find a college to stay at. Y/N had to learn the hard way that adults don't want a sick kid.
“Hey kiddo” Mrs. Hamilton said, her tone soft like silk. “You read that dumb note everyday. It means nothing.”
“It apparently does. No adult wanted me in my 18 years of being here.” Y/N retaliated.
“Don't think about that. They didn't deserve you anyway.”
Y/N sighed and picked up her tote bags. “I’ll miss your kindness, Mrs. Hamilton.”
“You have my number if you need me.”
“I know”
They shared a long tender hug. Y/N pulled away once she felt a little tickle in her throat. The tickle sadly turned into a whole fit.
“Hey, if you ever need me to pay for your Bronchodilators, please text me. I don't mind.”
“Of course Mrs. Hamilton. Ill see you around.”
And with that, Y/N made her way down the stairs. This place, so familiar, was now going to be apart of her past. She remembers running all around with her “brothers”. Patiently eating dinner with her “sisters” was the best. Even exploring the world with their gender-fluid and non-binary siblings was so exciting. Mrs. Hamilton and her always had the best talks. Mr. Hamilton helped with her homework. So, so many memories from this place. She’ll miss it.
The outside world was so much different now that Y/N was out on her own. She took her meds this morning, so that once gross, pollen-infested air didn't even bother her anymore. Her brave feet carried her away from the place she used to call home. The first order of business before heading to her house of 2 months though, get some lunch. Wendy’s has a pretty amazing salad and it was only 2 blocks down. Lucky for her, 2 blocks was her walking limit. Off she went.
That's where Bucky and Steve were enjoying a lovely lunch as well. Steve had a hamburger, and Bucky had some chicken nuggets.
“Alright dear” Steve said “Check Wendy's off your list”
“Already did. I think its pretty good! Not my favorite though.” Bucky replied happily.
The newly-founded couple have been going to one fast food place a week to introduce Bucky to different types. Any fast food restaurant one could think of, they're going. It was a mix of a date and bringing Bucky up to modern times. It was good for them.
“Bucky, all you get is chicken nuggets you should branch out.”
“Leave me aloneeee I love my chicken nuggets”
They giggled together, and returned to eating. That's when Y/N walked through the door. She was already panting. Not even realizing, she passed the two men who would change her life.
Y/N stood patiently, waiting to order. Bucky watched her. Her small, skinny stature reminded him so much of young Steve. Even the way she panted after walking in. Steve would do the same.
“Who are you looking at my love?” Steve questioned.
“Oh, the girl on line. She reminds me so much of you. Skinny, Small, I heard her panting. Look she's coughing now too. What was it called?”
Steve turns around and smiles “Bucky she's cute but what's your point?”
Bucky jumped up “I'm gonna talk to her!”
“That's cute love but please come back id like to enjoy our date before our next mission”
The long-haired man nodded, skipping happily over to Y/N. Just as he was approaching though, an older man came behind her and snatched her wallet. Bucky was ready to pounce, but Y/N was first to it. She was so weak, so she flung right off with a simple push of the man.
“Hey doll, you alright?” He asked softly.
She nodded weakly, already shaking. Steve rushed out the door to follow the man.
“That's my boyfriend, he’ll get your wallet. Why don't you sit with us? I’ll get your lunch! What would you like?”
Y/N looked up at him. “I-I” she took a minute to wheeze out a cough “T-that's too kind of y-you.”
“Please its my pleasure! what would you like?”
Y/N tells him a simple Caesar Salad. He happily picks her up, along with her stuff. Bucky told her where she was sitting, and she made her way.
This is so weird. Y/N thinks to herself. She takes a seat regardless through, watching the tall blonde walk towards the shorter brunette. She sees her wallet and feels at ease.
“She’s either a runaway or an orphan whos turned 18. We need to take her in” Bucky whispered into his ear.
“Or she's just heading off to college? I cant put a girl a risk” Steve whispered back.
“Please Steve. She reminds me so much of you. She cant survive out here one her medication runs out. And to be honest? She seems like she has a low dosage the way she's still wheezing and coughing like that.”
“One day James. If she changes my mind in one day, we can keep her”
Bucky happily kissed Steve's cheek. He carefully grabbed the salad and took it to the girl.
They ate together rather happily. The couple learned her name was Y/N. She’s and 18 year old girl who just came out of the system, just like Bucky hypothesized. To sum up her condition , she showed them the note - which was only kept for nostalgic purposes - which made Steve feel connected to her more.
“So no one adopted you because you have Cystic Fibrosis?” Bucky asked
“No one wants a sick kid”
Steve sympathized. “I used to have CF too. Once I got the super solider serum I never had to deal with it again. I understand where you come from though. Being constantly underweight and small, also no matter how hard you try you cant become better at exercise. I get it.”
Bucky took Steve’s hand and kissed his cheek. Y/N smiled, continuing to eat her salad. She didn't even question the fact that he was Captain America, she understands how it feels to be bombarded with questions.
They managed to convince Y/N to stay for the night. She fought them on it, telling them they were being way too nice for a girl who was about to ruin their night. Bucky continued to tell her to shush it, while Steve was having a change of heart.
It was a good night. They watched TV together, enjoyed a lovely home cooked dinner, talked some more about each other and even played some old timey board games. Y/N had the time of her life. No way on Earth would she do this with any other adult who offered her help. Since Steve had a similar experience and Bucky helping him through said experience, it gave Y?N the confidence to take the offer. She never regretted it
That one day became one week. That one week became one month. The one month became a year. Steve and Bucky were there every step of the way. Convincing to ask the little web slinger Peter Parker out to prom, taking said prom pictures, helping Y/N with homework, taking her on cool adventures. The day of her high school graduation they gave her the gift of a car. She gave them the official title of Dad. When the papers for official guardianship were clear, it was the happiest day of the trio’s life.
Now, its the night before Y/N goes to college. Her bags were packed. Her small, cozy bedroom looked so vacant now. Her dads were cuddled up on the couch.
“Got any room for a jellybean?” She asked softly.
“Yes we do! Always!” Bucky cheered happily,splitting apart from Steve. The small girl jumped in, which was a big mistake since she was already taking deeper breaths.
“Did your school accommodate for your CF?” Steve asked, giving her a big fat kiss on her cheek.
With a giggle, she replied “Yeah dad, They put me in the closest dorm to the classroom. They also put me on the lower floor on the dorm building. AND Peter said he was gonna help me out.”
“You and Peter are too cute, I'm happy he takes interest in you”
“Thanks Dad 2″
Y/N leaned right into her dad 2 where she was scooped under the chilly metal. Steve got up, moving to the fleshier side of his husband. Yes, in the year Y/N lived with them, they finally got themselves together and got married. Y/N was Bucky’s maid of honor, and she joined in on the couples first dance.
They watched the stupid soap opera that was on late at night. all three of them couldn't even keep up with what was happening.
“Dads, I love you” Y/N blurted out.
“Woah kid, you better catch your breath, because we love you too.” Bucky responded as Steve reached over, playing with the girls hair. Her happy giggled gave Steve and Bucky the message: they changed this girls world.
Send all requests to the Inbox!!💌
#stucky#steve rogers#bucky barnes#stucky one shot#stucky child au#adoption au#adoption one shot#marvel#marvel one shot#marvel imagine#request#marvel request#peter parker x reader#i guess#technically#whatever#this was fun to write thank you!!#marvel cinimatic universe#mcu#mcu oneshot#mcu au#marvel au#mcu x reader
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Looking my age
(Rant post)
So idk about other trans guys but me personally— I've been on T for over a year now and I got all those major changes, voice, bottom growth, hairy ass and so forth. I got a little stubble.
If I try (lower my voice on purpose, trim my nails and do the masculine(tm) things) I pass as a guy about 45% of the time. It's great.
However, when I DO pass that 45% of the time, I am consistently mistaken for someone in their teens. Like 13-14. It tracks...I'm short and if I have long sleeves on (covering my tatoos) I look like a fucking child. Am mistaken for a child. Happened today. I tell folks I'm 25 when they ask and I can see their eyes widen like I'm lying. That's *when* I pass.
And honestly...it really fucks me up.
I get infantilized by people who know I'm trans, cause they don't see me as a grown ass person, they see a cute, short, baby faced teenager who's balls just barely dropped =^=
I literally have people years younger than me talk to me like a middle schooler >:/
And like, yeah, I get that a lot of people would be jealous or see it as a lucky thing "good for you, you'll look so young when you're even older!" My mother has been chasing her youth since she hit 40 :/ I know how that shit I valued in society.
My problem though...isn't that I look so young that people legitimately mistake pictures of me as someone's teenage child. It's what it means to me as someone who has experienced a fuck ton of trauma in my childhood. It's really hard for me not to associate youth or looking youthful with the awful ways people took advantage of me as a kid.
I'm a survivor of CSA, really bad CSA to the point that I have DID. I regress and act like a child when it's really bad— on top of looking like a child. I am constantly hyper aware of people who pursue people who look like me.
Not just cause there are folks that heavily fetishize trans people for their parts, but also because I look very young while not being young. I know for a fact I fit into a category of appeal for vile, awful people. Which is fucking terrifying BECAUSE I HAVE TRAUMA FROM THOSE PEOPLE.
So it's like this pile up of weird trans fetish bullshit, infantilization, and trauma surrounding my youth and the way I look specifically.
I'm small, 5 ft 4, I have very little facial hair, and very soft features. I get told almost every day "You're so young" "you look so young" asked how old I am. I go out with my brother and he looks like my older brother when he's 4 years younger than me. I can literally see kids in high school staring at me, trying to figure out if I go to their school or not— been asked if I went to some kids school before.
It's weird. It's weird because I'm still absolutely fucking terrified of being taken advantage of. I am so afraid to try and date because I'm scared anyone interested in me is either fetishy or a creep that sees a fucking minor instead a grown ass adult. And FUCK if someone like that found out about my trauma??!! I know how easy it can be to manipulate me. I know my trauma responses and they are NOT healthy.
Like...yeah cool, I look twelve years younger than I am, how nifty! No wrinkles or whatever the fuck. But it still fucks me up. I struggle really hard with recognizing my age and maturity. I don't feel like an adult 24/7 I don't look in the mirror and see "man", I see "boy" and it's what everyone else sees too.
Knowing I have trauma..and knowing how much that alone has stunted my growth mentally, or the way it can pull me right the fuck back to being a kid in the most literal fucking sense just doesn't fucking help....
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