#like i wouldnt feel weird or bad drawing myself or my brother running on all fours or howling at the moon

[lazorsandparadox]

Writing Tom the Werewolf Lawyer is so fuckin weird because thats my dad. That character is based off the pictures i drew of my dad when i was a furry in 6th grade. And hes a lawyer like my dad. And hes built like my dad because the character design was originally my dad. And on one level i know that this is not my dad, this is a character i made up based off funny picture of my dad but is seperate from and no longer intended to be my dad, but on another its so fucking weird to draw my dad running around on all fours being a complete freak but thats not my dad, thats Tom the Werewolf Lawyer, who is separate from, but also technically, my dad.

No i will not get rid of or redesign Tom the Werewolf Lawyer.

[curlytemple]

niche interests list 

okay sure yes this is fun! i havent posted a thing like this in such a long time. thank you new gal pal @scottspack for tagging me! 

pigs????

alright first lets throw it back to preschool! my fav childhood toys were my baby doll (snookums) and a plush pig that my grandma got me that i just called ‘pig’ ...i watched the babe movies countless times, and piglet? that anxious little guy GETS ME bro. when my preschool did a nativity play and my class got to choose an animal to be in baby jesus’ manger, my mother recalls me saying that i would be a pig because jewish people (jesus christ) wouldnt eat me. she has no idea how or when i learned about kosher foods. ironically despite my namesake i was too afraid of the movie charlotte’s web to watch it more than once because the scary farmer tries to kill wilbur for being small and the pretty spider dies. 

sugar creek gang 

OKAY this is a book series from the 40s-70s about a group of christian little boys in indiana who went on adventures in the woods and helped people. my dad read a LOT of chapter books to me as bedtime stories when i was little (see also the mandie series, nancy drew and the hardy boys, little house on the prairie) but sugar creek gang is one that really hit. i read all 36 books with dad and at least once again on my own. there was a series of 4 or 5 movies in the early 2000s when i was the Perfect age to have a crush on most if not all of them. this might be too much detail but i have to tell you about these boys. we WILL not be revisiting the heavy religious themes. 

 the narrator is bill who is Good and Kind and wants to be a doctor when he grows up. his best friend is a chubby boy nicknamed poetry because he memorizes and quotes poems, he is the Detective of the group. BIG JIM is the leader of the group who is supposed to be like, 14, which was very cool and hot, to me. and yes there is a little jim, who is the baby of the group. then there is CIRCUS who is known for his climbing and acrobatics, and his FIVE SISTERS AND BEAUTIFUL SINGING VOICE. dreamboy. i’m almost done listing boys, i promise. a boy called dragonfly who is allergic to everything and hella superstitious. later in the series a new boy named tom moves to town and tom has an older brother bob who is NOT A CHRISTIAN (bully) 

tangentially, the buttercream gang, a movie from 1992 that was almost definitely made by some christians who grew up reading the sugar creek gang series which i’m guessing on vibes alone. will spare you Good Boy details but scott is in love with his best friend pete who moves to chicago and falls in with a bad crowd and scott just refuses to stop LOVING HIM. very gay christian film in retrospect. 

peter pan

so i know liking disney’s peter pan isnt niche, but it was the way i liked it. tinker bell stan from day one, i watched all of those disney fairies movies, even the ones that came out after i was definitely not intended audience. there was an online pixie hollow game where you could design your own fairies and play mini games where you gathered dew drops or something. had a HUGE CRUSH on jeremy sumpter in peter pan (2003) then i got really darkly obsessed with the idea of growing up when i was 12 or 13, and everything peter pan was deeply My Shit for my entire adolescence. i read the original book and every other twisted version of the story i could find and seriously freaked myself out about wasting my youth. 

shug

you’ve probably heard of jenny han now, or at least the netflix adaptations for to all the boys i’ve loved before and the sequel ps i still love you (always and forever, lara jean, coming soon?) but before she wrote THOSE, she wrote my first ever Favorite Book, about annemarie “shug” wilcox, a girl in the summer before starting middle school. it is SO engraved on my heart i cannot explain. i felt so incredibly understood and cant even tell you how many times i read it. thinking about all of the ways it made me feel SEEN is actually making me very tender so i’m gonna go on.  

the summer series

on the subject of jenny han, since she was now my Favorite author, when she came out with the summer i turned pretty in 2009, i was ALL IN. it’s not summer without you, and we’ll always have summer were published the next two years. a coming of age series about a girl isabel “belly” conklin who stays at her mother’s best friend's house at the beach in the summers. i really could talk about it forever yall. i actually dont know how to be succinct about it. i will try. her mom’s friend has TWO BOYS. one brother, jeremiah, is the golden boy and her best friend who is in love with her! the older one CONRAD is her childhood crush who's just sort of around while belly is firmly getting over her childish feelings and going out and experiencing teen beach life with jeremiah for the first time and figuring out who she is and wants to be! by the end of the summer he admits he feels differently about her (hence belly internalizing this as The Summer I Turned Pretty) and they get together. this is already too much so i will just say that the next two books deal with a PROFOUND LOSS and the selfishness of grief and the SELFLESSNESS OF CONRAD and i will absolutely lose my shit if netflix picks it up for a second jenny han series adaptation. 

pappyland

this was a kids show in the 90′s that features a character named Pappy Drew-It, an artist dressed like a 49er who lives in a magic cabin in pappyland. there’s tons of characters and music and life lessons but the meat of every episode is a detailed drawing how-to (pappy is actually a cartoonist, michael cariglio) and i have a hard back cover sketch book from my grandpa that i FILLED with drawings that pappy and DOODLEBUG taught me to do. there is a running gag that pappy always breaks his crayons.  

boy meets world

i KNOW this is beloved by many but i’m counting it because i’m simply too young to have such an obsession with it! the show ran from 1992-2000. i was born in 1996, but reruns on the disney channel and abc family cemented it as one of my favorite shows. cory and shawn, closer than brothers, shameless homoromantics, shawn is cory’s first wife!!!!! truly showed me what a best friend can and should be!!!!!! the great love of your life!!!!! TOPANGA, the og weird feminist girl who said stop shaving your legs and start speaking your mind, ladies! the characters are so richly developed that they are real people to my heart. YES every character on this show is in their late 30s-early 40s and YES i feel like we grew up together. in season one they’re in the 6th grade and we follow them all the way to COLLEGE. countless poignant life lessons, often literally dictated by the wise and hilarious MR. FEENY, cory’s next door neighbor and somehow one of his teachers for YEARS. my love was only solidified by the 2014 girl meets world reboot, centered on cory and topanga’s daughter and her best friend. (which was literally cancelled because disney didn’t want to transition from a kids show to a teen show, something essential to the original. also because that teen show would have had CANON LESBIANS. extremely shameful move in 2017!) boy meets world lives rent free in my heart and i will never evict it!!!!!!!

i consulted my mother when i got stumped for more and she reminded me that i had obsessions with the impressionist art period and babies and ANYTHING fairies or pixies, and i was way too young when my love of the canadian teen after school special degrassi began. she also said bob ross, which i was hesitant to include because he’s been super ~trendy in recent years, but to be fair (To Be Faaairrr) she’s right! i don’t think people really watched the joy of painting as much as i have throughout my life. best sick day show of all time.

lastly i could honestly list anna herself as a niche interest, my mom actually metioned that ive always hyperfixated on my girl friends (gay) but i’ll just note that YES friday night lights, YES barry lyga novels. love to share so many things with you, niche or not, they’re niche in Our Mind.

[sweetlittleboytoy]

A BNHA Mafia Au written by me and other people in my discord!

(This was my first real post so uh i hope you like??🥺🥺)

You run to the closest structure as the rain starts beat down on you harder. You safely make it under an awning and shiver....

Damn the rain and damn your lack of foresight. The clouds had been threatening to drench anyone who dares leave their home all day but since it had been mostly all bark, no bite you had decided to play chicken with them anyways. Oh well, worse things have happened. You look around, seeing the people passing with umbrellas. Footsteps closing in on you draw your attention and you turn your head. Another person, another victim of the rain.

You look up to see a man with red hair, shaking his head to rid himself of the water that had poured on him.

“What a day to forget an umbrella huh?' The man said suddenly, not really looking at you.

You nod for a moment, only to realize that he still wasn't looking at you, and you didn't want to seem rude,”Yeah, didn't think it would come down this hard.' You said back to him.

He finally looked at you, his red eyes almost sparkling in amusement, 'Funny thing is, I actually have an umbrella in my car!' he laughed.

“I mean I could invite you to tag along and get it! But I figured that'd probably be a... really really weird thing to say to a strangers...´ he continued and scratched the back of his neck.

You laugh too, nodding along to what he was saying 'yeah maybe, and we'd get drenched on the way there anyways.' you looked off towards the street again, smiling to yourself. He was cute. Real cute. And... just your type. Bumbling, excited and kinda quirky. Like your own personal sun on this rainy day.

“.Mmmh true. Well what were you doing? I mean... before it started raining?'"You look at the red haired stranger nervously,was the truth even an option here?”I was just exploring,”you say softly.He looks at you and absentminded,you shrink under his gaze.He smiles at you,”in the rain?”he says teasingly “and odd time to explore dont ya think”

Your face seems to flush in embarrassment, "Well, I guess you could say I'm new to this part of town... So I just thought I would take a good look around to familiarize myself." you admitted as you watched a car pass by, splashing a couple of puddles.

You leaned forward and looked up at the sky. "New to the area? I could show you around, ya know!" You could hear the excitement in his voice as a smile crossed your face again. You turned and looked at him and tucked your hair behind your ear, "You don't have to do that."

“Well what if I insist then? I mean, I couldn't possibly leave a lady like you in trouble! I take my title of hero very seriously you see.' As he said the last part he put his hand on his chest and gave you a small bow. You giggle at his actions, feeling a little more at ease. 'Hero huh?' you ask, putting a hand on your hip.

“That's what the kids at work call me, I'm a physical therapist with a main focus on working with kids. I don't work too far from here so I know my way around."

He stood tall and you're sure he puffed his chest out a little extra, proud of his work surely. Your heart melted a little at his bright smile. And as he smiled the rain started to calm to a soft dribble. You looked away and held out your hand to feel how bad the rain was. 'Well... what's my heroes name then? I can't let a stranger help me...'"

“It’s Eijirou Kirishima!”

He smirks and jokingly bows again,poking out his arm.”Away we go milady”.You take his arm,looking at him happily.”i never got your name”he says”i wouldn’t want you to continue to think of me as a stranger.”

You pause at the question,another worrying answer.You decide to trust him,”it’s y/n,my last names a little weird though”You say nervously.

“Nothing i couldn’t pronounce i bet”he teases.

“it’s uh..l/n”you say quietly.

“Wait like,the criminal?”He says in a joking manner.

You nod.”Family member,”you say to him softly.He shrugs and continues to walk with you”No biggie,i won’t judge you on that.My names Eijirou!Eijirou Kirishima” He says proudly.

“oh wait i already said that”he realizes. You laughed at his small mistake, "It's alright, now I won't forget your name." you walked arm and arm with Eijirou, letting him lead you around the new area.

"Thanks... by the way." You said suddenly, your voice shy now as you two walked together. "By not judging me for my family ties." You kept your gaze away from him as you took in the scenery, mentally taking in what was around you to remember for later.

Eijirou let out a small chuckle and rubbed the back of his head with his other hand, "You can't just judge someone by their family members, it's not fair." He said, putting his arm down and looking down at you.

"You seem like a really nice person Y/N, I couldn't think poorly of you."

"You let out a weak chuckle at his genuine comment. Its ironic how someone you just met sounded like he knew you so well. What he said made youre heart twist almost painfully. He didn't know you, you reminded yourself. You just met.

'Thank you but... Uhm I'm sorry Kirishima but... do you know where the next ward begins? I'll know where to go from there. Thank you for helping me, by the way.' You look up at him finally, smiling as to try to hide your true feelings. As you speak you also grab his left hand in both of yours, an attempt to have him not worry too much about why you seem so nervous.

Unbenknownst to him the border between this ward and the next is where you're hoping to findbyour brother. You knew there had been some problems expanding your familys teritory to span more wards, apparently you were creeping your way into som big shots place. You never approved of the stuff but when your brother were missing suddenly in the morning you pretty much knew where he'd be. “Yea of course y/n” he says to you.You can still hear worry present in his voice,but you can’t focus on that now.

“Give me your phone?”he asks softly,”i wanna make sure you get home safe.Bad stuff happens around here”

Ya don’t say?You think to yourself.

You hand him your phone and he adds in his contact,”I’ll text you in an hour,so i hope you answer” he says to you”

You nod and walk tothe direction he pointed in,and wave him goodbye,walking through the darkly coloured gate. You let out a breath, not that you really wanted to leave Eijirou's side, but more because you were alone. You looked down at your phone and almost had a burst of excitement, a giddy feeling, he had given you his number.

You really couldn't believe it, you cleared your throat and straightened up, unable to shake away this feeling, it was the happiest you had been in a while. You pushed forward and headed away from Eijirou and to look for your brother. The street you had been pointed to follow indeed took you to the next ward. Obviousy you wouldnt find your brother out on the open street. He may be bold but he wasnt stupid. Or... not that stupid. So you turned on a street, in on a backstreet that seemed promising. Dark and damp from the recent pour, and most importantly empty of people.

If your memory served your right then the new exapnsion should be somewhere here. Your brother had said they were making plans to make a hit on a warehouse owned by the other mafia so thats where you were headed. Doubts flooded your mind. Maybe you should just send Eijirou a text, meet him and have a nice rest of the day.

You realized that was too late when a gun shot echoed through the empty street. “What the fuck did i tell you would happen if i caught you here again?”You hear a voice yell.

You hide behind a wall,staying out of the view enough but still being able to see them.

A man with spiky blonde hair throws someone on the ground.

“Then you shouldn’t have-“

A gunshot thudded through the alleyway,and a scream of pain shot through.

You recognised it,your brother.

You saw blood spill onto the wall,an a shudder went through you.

“I spared you once,on account of your damn sister.Stop fucking testing me you shit.” The blonde says looking at your brother. Your throat felt like it had a knot form on it and panic start to kick in. You didn't know what to do soyou moved before you thought. Peeking around the corner you first saw your brother finally. He was on his knees, blood pooling around his right knee ashe clutched it. He was panting, struggling to form words through the pain.

Above him the blonde stood. A gun pointed towards your brothers head. He cocked the gun while tilting his head, letting you see his face better. His red eyes were focused on your sibling. "Got nothing to say, huh? Fucking thought so. C'mon, not even a last message I can deliver to your sister?"

Your breath caught in your throat as your brother started to speak again. "G... go fuck yourself, dont even think about talking to her you-you bastard!"The blonde smirks.

“I was hoping you’d say that”

You felt your legs about to move,and before you did a hand wrapped around you and pulled you back.Another hand covered your mouth,keeping you from audibly screaming.

You were pulled back through the gate,and you automatically turned at kicked your kidnapper.

“Y/n!Stop it’s just me!!”You hear.

Opening your eyes you see your best friend,Shoto Todoroki.

“Oh my god Toki,don’t sneak up on me like that.”You said hugging him.

Your eyes open wide at your memory,”My brother!We have to help him!”You say to him.

Shoto shakes his head,”i have that side already in motion,your brother will be okay i promise”He says to you.

You forgot that Shoto was a double side member.But you didn’t forget that he cared enough about you to leave his family.He cares so much about you and your brother he decided to take the task of double siding both dangerous gangs.Just for you two.

“He’s all i have toki ,”You whimper and cry into his shoulder.He pets the back of your head softly,”I know n/n,hell be okay”.

He puts his jacket on you,making you yet again aware of the pouring rain.

“Let’s get you home for now.Hell be there soon.”You follow him, hugging his jacket around your shoulders. He’s set a quick pace away from the alley—he can’t be seen with you, especially not by Bakugo, but you’re not entirely sure where he’s taking you.

You’re not sure how far away you’ve gotten when Todoroki turns a corner and the two of you enter a shop. Behind the counter sits a girl you recognize, Momo, one of your brother’s most trusted friends.

The two exchange a nod, and then Todoroki’s leaving with little more than a “Your brother will meet you at home” to say goodbye.

You almost want to keep him here, you never see him anymore, but you know someone’s more likely to notice his disappearance the longer he’s gone.

Momo draws your attention as she moves from her place behind the counter, productions two identical umbrellas from her arm as she does. She gives you a little smile, handing one to you. “C’mon. I’ll walk you home.”You take the umbrella from Momo and smile back at her, you were running into all sorts of friends around here. You walked next to Momo as you headed back home through back alleyways, your umbrellas open now since it had begun raining again.

You felt your phone vibrate and pulled it out of your pocket, slowing your walking speed to see that Eijirou had texted you, just like he promised.

You responded to him and let him know you were walking with a friend and you were on your way home now.

"Momo... do you think my brother is okay?" You asked nervously, shoving your phone back into your pocket. "Toki told me he was going to be okay... but that situation was rough."You nod slowly,attempting to process what she told you.

Your phone buzzes again.

“i meant to tell you y/n,your pretty cute when your hairs wet”

You smile to yourself,a bit more at ease and trying to ignore the present situation.

—

At home though,things were quiet.Too quiet.

The second you closed you door and Momo left you felt eyes on you.Yet you made no motions to give way of this knowledge.

You moved to the kitchen and pretended to start a meal,sneakily hiding an ice pick in your sleeve.

Your quirk was unknown to most people,aside from Shoto and your brother,every though you were quirkless.

Having a mental quirk type,helped a lot more than a physical one.

You felt the eyes move,still they thought they were out of your view,but you could feel their upcoming attempt to attack.

They jumped at you,and immediately you threw the ice pick toward them,it stabbing deep into their arm.

The flash of green hair moved into your vision,and you armed yourself with the gun your brother gifted you.He looks at you with an evil smirk

“We meet again my dear.”You wrinkle your nose at the term of endearment, but you don’t comment on it, keeping still with the barrel of the gun aimed at him.

He doesn’t break eye contact as he reaches towards the ice pick. You realize then, with disappointment, that it hadn’t really imbedded itself in his arm—it had grazed him, drawing blood, but ultimately found home in the wall behind him.

Pity. You wouldn’t miss next time.

Izuku tosses the pick to the floor towards you. It’s not aggressive, it’s almost friendly, but you don’t bother to pick it up.

He sighs, adjusting the jacket of the suit he’s wearing. “I’m not feeling very welcome, darling.”

“Might be because you’re not,” you reply smoothly. “My brother will be back any minute. Do yourself a favor and scram before he does.”Izuku looks at you,he looks like a snake going after a mouse.And you’re his prey.

You see the green emission of his quirk slowly seep through the room,and you prepare to itself for his attack.

The door slams open,and you both turn to the door,and he’s there.

The blonde from the alleyway,Bakugo Katsuki.The leader of the opposing mafia,Fiero.

“I see you started without me again,Deku,”he growls annoyed.

Izuku smiles to him and bows,”Hello,*Kacchan*,”he says to the blonde,”i was only starting to talk,nothing more”He says,bringing the green light back into himself.

“You better fucking have been.”

He walks to the couch and plops down,he takes a necklace out of his pocket and tosses it to you.As you catch it,you realize,it’s your brothers.

Tears in your eyes you looked at him”is he...is he dead?”Your heart thumped loudly.

Izuku walks beside Katsuki,kneeling on the floor beside him.Katsuki puts his hand into his green hair,slowly petting him.

“He’s alive,for now.”

For now?you think.

You put the necklace beside the matching one you wore,”Where is he?”

“With the half n half bastard.Rouging him up more”He says to you with a villainous smile.

[hamahsjournal]

My Struggle with Rejection and Vulnerability

I've had alot of friendships in my life, yet somehow here, right now I have none. It's a fact that physically hurts some days but 'it is what it is' as they say.

My very first friendship ever was probably my longest ever. I befriended twins in the Pre-K and we remained friends until the 8th grade, when I left our small school. I left school and slowly started hanging out with them less and talking to them less. It hurt, alot, at first, but we were naturally growing apart. I obviously didnt expect or want then to never make new friends but I would be lying if I said it didnt hurt when I'd see them on social media with other people. But I grew older, more mature and understand the natural distance that came between us.

What I cant forget and what will always hurt was my friend Aryn. Aryn and I because friends when I was in 5th grade. She was in 6th and had newly transferred to our school. I dont really know what brought us together but we were naturally drawn to each other and hit it off. We were absolute BEST friends! Like we texted all the time, hung out at every possible chance and we told each other everything, I really loved her.

She and another girl (who we'll get into later) stayed my best friends the when I moved away and still talked and everything. When my family and I moved back to my home town, Aryn and I had become slightly distant but nothing a few chats over coffee wouldnt fix. But little did I know Aryn had moved on. I would text her to hang out and she would agree then text back minutes before we out meet up time saying, for one reason or another, she couldn't make it. Then I would see her on social media that same night out with other friends. I was the backup friend, no longer a first priority, simply an option if a better one failed to come through. It hurt, alot.

Where our friendship came to a nasty end was the day after our mutual friend, Ashley's wedding. Ashley was at the time my best friend. I had known her a long time (as she use to date my brother, but that's another story for another time). Aryn her and I hung out alot. But as Aryn backed out of my life ashley was there for me and was a great friend. I was a bridesmaid in her wedding and we were really close. But the day after the wedding aryn posted a photo that destroyed our friendship.

You see, aryn had a fake Instagram (a finsta if you must *rolls eyes*) that I didnt follow but Ashley did. Aryn posted a candid photo of her and I at the wedding where I looked, basically terrible lol, and posted a rude comment directed towards me under it. I guess I must have blocked out what the comment was because, I genuinely cant remember it any longer. But trust me, it was grounds for divorce.

I was hurt and felt like my life long friend had secretly hated me and I never knew. All the times she canceled our plans made sense she never actually cared about me like I did her. I felt alone and fell down a hole of depression for a while.

Luckily, my friend ashley helped me alot with that! She helped me realize the problem lyed with aryn and not me. But soon our friendship too ended.

After Ashley's wedding she moved away and we both did our best to keep in contact, but us both being young adults we had busy lives that didnt always permit that. I still considered her my best friend though. What was the end of things was when she made a trip back to our home town and didnt tell me. In fact kept it a secret from me and my brother, who was her husband's best friend. The obviously didnt want to see us for whatever reason and ignored us. They continued to do this multiple times while posting on social media pictures of them out with other friends. Friends, who by the way, made their wedding hell. But again another story for another time.

Once again i was left feeling hurt and confused I didnt know what I did to deserve this. I always was the best friend I could possibly be to Ashely. Fighting and standing up for her when drama hit the fan during her wedding, I threw her a bachelorette party, I talked her through a break up. But here I was once again out a friend, spiraling down the dark tunnel of depression, I too often find myself in.

What pulled me out of the maze of depression I was in was when I went on a missions trip to Mexico. Now I've been going to Mexico for a lo g time, but never more than a week at a time, until this trip. I went down for three months. I worked in an orphanage and loved it! I met a boy who worked there who was a few years older than me and we instantly had an unspoken connection. I found myself really really liking him, but we were just friends and I wasn't about to loose another friend because of my dumb feelings.

It wasn't until my next trip down, where I stayed for eight months, that I realized I was head over heels in love with my friend. But I never said anything. Him, two other girls and I lived and worked together in this orphanage, always hung out and were best friends.

That was until during the Christmas season where one of our mutual friends (who was slightly obsessed with him) was away visiting family. He told me one night, that he liked me, like alot. He has for a long time and sees us having a future together. You can imagine how genuinely happy and excited I was! This was why i was here! I would fall in love get married and have a family, it was incredible! But, I didnt want to start anything while I was living in the orphanage, because he was living there too and we were working with kids, so we didn't want anything weird to happen. So we decided to just wait to see what happened in the future.

Then, our friend came home. She cornered me one evening in our kitchen and went off. Saying I was ruining our friend group, his and I's relationship was inappropriate, I was a bad example to the kids, I made her uncomfortable and it needed to stop.

I left the conversation, locked myself in my bathroom and resorted to an old coping mechanism I thought I had long left behind. I cut my hips and sides. Balling my eyes out heart broken I had ruined everything.

This began a chain reaction of events that are too lo g to explain now, but in the end it came down to this. He had to choose to be with me or be friends with her. Guess what he chose?

He chose her then had the audacity to tell me he loved me. I hated him. Well, I wanted to. But I also loved him much. After a couple months I returned home, broken hearted.

I'm still broken hearted, hurt and struggling. He posts about her now, their friendship (thata more than a friendship if you ask me), how great she is and how much he loves her. While I sit here having lost a boy I love and my friendship with both of them.

I'd never felt so rejected and hurt in my entire life, it destroyed me for a long time. He still texts me occasionally and I text back keeping the conversation friendly but that's all.

It's because of these event in my life that I struggle with the constant feeling of rejection and not being good enough. I'm always the second choice. Never quite good enough to be made a priority.

Maybe one day, someone, somewhere will change that for me. But that feels so far away.

Somedays I cope with the fee lo ding better than others. Some day I can go for a run, or draw, or mow the grass and feel better after ward. Others I feel enslaved to the depressing thoughts in my mind keeping me a prisoner to my bed and to the blade on my sides.

I'm hurt. Struggling and I fear rejection. Because of that I dont dare to make myself vulnerable to another person again.