#like i was so happy when tumblr became more active again but hah

[inky-thoughts]

hah, being a sad tired little bean again.

do i want attention? sure. will someone even see this? doubtful.

sometimes i wonder why ppl even follow me if they don't even like my art. it's so weird having people say my art is "amazing" and "so beautiful" and it "deserves all the notes" but somehow that. never translates to interest in more than this. usually i'd push that onto the algorithm but on tumblr that just won't work?? it's clearly that something in my art just isn't right that it's not shareable, that people don't want it on their blogs, and it can't just be that it's only because I'm drawing my own characters. yes fanart gets more traction in general but somehow i still get followers, so that can't be it??

i try to reblog my art several times a day, with my usual queue posting 8 times a day in addition. you can't tell me that my followers just don't see my art. they clearly see the other art i also reblog! which definitely gets reblogs! just not my own art!

i just don't think it's fair that everyone says it's so great and amazing and whatnot when it's so obviously NOT that to them. just. stop lying to me. that's all that i'm asking for. if you don't care about my art, just unfollow me.

i'm literally invisible on whichever platform i'm on, it was back in ye ole tumblr days, it's on twitter, on instagram, and now on tumblr again. like yes, fuck my life i guess? what does it help having a "unique style" if literally no-one cares about it? nobody wants to interact with me or my art or literally anything that i put out myself.

it's almost like compliments become hollow if nothing comes of it.

and gosh i'm so angry at myself because i'm so obviously ill-suited for all of this, for years, and i'm just too stubborn to give it all up. i'm so envious of my mutuals who get genuine interaction with their art, with people being curious about their work, them, people who value them, see them as inspiring, their work being impactful to their life.

i'm less than mediocre it seems. i just won't buy these hollow compliments anymore. i'm tired of it, so, so tired. just be honest. i've never had an engaging personality, i don't draw people in, i can't build up any intrigue or whatever else it is that both i as a person and obviously my art is lacking.

again, will anyone see this? no. no-one really does. and if anyone does, they don't care. congrats for reading to the end i guess, have a cookie. i can't give much else right now.

[4getfulimaginator2022]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

I haven't been tagged, but I saw @fandomsbyladymelodrama do one of these a few months back - so of course, I wanted to give it a try. 🙃 Also, I haven't done any personal posts on here in forever. Time for a change!

How many works do you have on AO3? I have 18 works so far. And when it comes to ships, it looks like I have a "type." 😉

What's your total AO3 word count? Oh boy. 660K+ right now and growing all the time because when stories speak, I write.

What fandoms do you write for? Mainly Once Upon a Time (starting in 2013), followed by Game of Thrones (2024, baby!) and then that 1 Greek myth collection thingy. I was a die-hard Once fan back in the day and watched episodes religiously, so all the canon lore was seared into my brain until season 6 (when I dropped the show because the writing was so off the rails). Surprise, surprise - I haven't watched GoT in its entirety. Everything I know is through my own research, watching videos, reading, reading, reading, and the contributions of the wonderful Jorleesi fandom.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos? All Captain Swan fics, in order from the most to the least: 1) Heart Bound 2) Only the Beginning 3) A Cobbler's Life For Me 4) Be My Angel, Be My Demon 5) Nevermore

Do you respond to comments? I try! I used to be less strict about replying to comments, but with my resurgence in fanfic after years of absence, I have replied to each and every one. Currently, I am behind on replies, but I will get around to it again. Soon.

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Oof. I don't do angsty endings because I will die on the hill that is Jane Austen: “My characters shall have, after a little trouble, all that they desire.” Probably my angstiest ending is in Trader of Hearts, which is a really dark fic. I do have a one-shot that is semi-angsty, though: Thinking of You.

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? *deer in headlights look* I make it my business to give my beloved characters the happiest endings I can. Seriously. I don't know how to rank endings against each other, since the characters always end up together. I currently think my happiest ending is for The Old Curiosity Shop, my Jorleesi fic.

Do you get hate on fics? I have, but these were readers telling me how I should write my stories "the right way." I also have gotten spam comments. Overall, people are pretty nice.

Do you write smut? Hoo-hah! 😏 Let's count: I have 3 fics rated Mature and 5 fics rated Explicit. That's half of my fic repertoire. And when I do Explicit, it's ❤️‍🔥. Enough said.

Do you write crossovers? No. Not happening, cannot do, end of discussion.

Have you ever had a fic stolen? Well... There was a scandal back on FF.net in 2014 or 2015? Websites were copying all fanfics to scammy websites or selling fanfics as ebooks. Not cool. I used to have all my content on FF.net, but now only my in-progress fics are there. All my fics are up on AO3.

Have you ever had a fic translated? No, not that I know of.

Have you ever co-written a fic before? Hey, if someone is offering... But again, no. No one ever wanted to co-write with me. 🥺 But maybe it's because I'm sooooooooo bossy!

What's your all-time favorite ship? Oh crap. All-time favorite?! WHAT. I have to cheat here and say there's a tie: Captain Swan and Jorleesi. Emma Swan and Killian Jones had a long journey to love and happiness, both in terms of their individual character growth and their relationship as a couple. The more I learned about them, the harder I fell in love with them. It helped that the CS fandom was HUGE as the ship became canon, and Tumblr was so active then that #captainswan was all over the place. We were one of the largest canon ships for that show. Now, as for Jorleesi... Jorah Mormont's loyalty and devotion earned my attention and respect from the first, and then when I found out about his love for Daenerys and her repressed love affection for him, I was a goner. My 2 OTPs: both women are BAMFs who are survivors and warriors, while their guys value love above all and are willing to die to protect them (*sobbing for Jorah because noooooooo* 😭)

What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? Heart Bound. This fic... I love this fic. This is my Jane Eyre/Jane Austen fix. It's my 2nd period piece and I adore some of my prose in this one. It. Needs. 4. Chapters. To. Be. Complete. Can I do it? Yes. Do I want to do it? *cries* Of course I do but it's hard...

What are your writing strengths? Hmm. Some would say it's my prose, while others would say that I know how to channel emotion into my writing. I like to incorporate literature and historical references into my fics (historical AUs or not), so I think I've done well with that. I've also been told that my characterizations are fantastic and unique. You do notice that I'm not claiming credit for any of these observations, right? Usually, I believe my writing is awful and I could have done so much better. I have a hard time acknowledging my strengths. You could hand me an Olympic gold medal for Writing and I would still insist that it's all lies. My self-belief and confidence have not improved over the years.

What are your writing weaknesses? Dialogue. It's always dialogue. I want it to be realistic but my vocab gets in the way and it starts sounding like prose. Not good. But I am getting better! No way to go but up.

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? Maybe I'd do it, but it would have to be necessary for me to put in the effort. I don't purposely bamboozle my readers. 🤣

First fandom you wrote for? Once Upon a Time (of course *rolls eyes*). One Against the Wind is my ultimate period fic - pirates, the Caribbean, my tribute to PotC and pirate novels I've read. I created character backstory when there was no canon backstory. It's also my longest fic at 147K words. So proud of it and it still holds a special place in my heart. 😍

Favorite fic you've written? Ugh, no no no! I always, always say I cannot have one favorite because that is BORING. But okay, I will say that at the moment, it's The Old Curiosity Shop. I just did a full read of the entire fic and my heart absolutely melted. Adorable, heartbreaking, angsty, and so romantic. Jorleesi, I love you and I will die for you. You own my heart a thousand times over. ❤️

Fineeeee, I'll tag 5 people (no worries if you don't want to do this - completely voluntary fun and games here 💕): @ser-jorah-the-andal, @rileypotter17, @houseofthebear, @clarasimone, @thank-god-and-you

[makeste]

literally just another giant post of Bakugou faces.

so I did this last year, but I only got up to chapter 120 before I ran out of steam. happily, though, this left me with an additional 190 chapters’ worth of glorious gremlin faces to choose from for this year’s edition! which I figure I had better do, before tumblr finally pulls the plug on my poor sweet image limit.

so without further ado, happy birthday to Kacchan, and happy birthday to Kacchan’s asymmetrical HAH face where his eyes do the thing like ( ◣益◢).

why I like it: so this is from Kirishima’s flashback in chapter 133, where Kirishima was getting all down on himself because his quirk Only Does One Thing, and Kacchan was all “nah bro don’t worry about it because your One Thing is totally fucking rad, and you’re strong enough to withstand anything.” so that of course was incredibly sweet, and one of the few times we’ve seen him give an actual heartfelt pep talk without so much as a single insult thrown into the mix. but what really puts this scene over the top for me is the fact that you can see the ever-so-subtle hints of guilt and regret when he talks about All Might and Kamino. for just a moment, he gets this distant look in his eyes, and his expression turns soft and contemplative. basically this is a rare collector’s edition Kacchan face you will not find in many other places.

why I like it: because this frankly needs to happen in every damn fight until this kid finally gets it through his thick skull to ditch the mask so we can see every fantastic facial expression in full 4k glory. work with me here please Kacchan.

why I like it: because character growth!! this was our first big moment of post-DvK2 Kacchan development, and the payoff was well worth the wait. it only took him 166 chapters to realize that it’s hard to grow as a person if you’re determined to be a humongous dick to every single person you meet!! lmao, but it’s progress though.

why I like it: these two panels are criminally underrated. the way his face transforms when Deku gets the answer wrong dlkjfldk. this is easily one of the funniest subtle gags in the entire series.

why I like it: “hey Bakugou do you want to play in our band?” “fuck you, no.” “pretty please.” “fine, but I refuse to call it a band.” “well then what do you want to call it -- ” “MURDER.”

why I like it: GONNA MURDER EVERYONE BY PLAYING THE DRUMS!!!! SOMEHOW WE’VE SUCCESSFULLY COMPARTMENTALIZED THIS SCHOOL-SANCTIONED DISPLAY OF PERFORMING ARTS AS A DEATH MATCH. OH TO UNDERSTAND THE INNER WORKINGS OF THIS YOUNG MAN’S MIND.

why I like it: hah?! I love how he has to tilt his neck all the way back every single time he does this. he’s so cute I love him so much.

why I like it: somewhere around this point in the manga Kacchan decided to do away with being handsome and decided to just be a full-time gremlin in every single panel. this persisted for the next 90 chapters or so and he was very dedicated. I’m pretty sure he was going for vulgar and intimidating, but unfortunately for him he’s too inherently adorable and so the end result is just endearing and almost charming in its own way.

why I like it: this was from chapter 194 when Aizawa was announcing that they’d have a special guest for the Joint Training arc, and so Kacchan was all “BOY OH BOY A NEW ASS TO KICK.”

why I like it: more character development! and just look at that confidence! he’s fully recovered from his low point after Kamino and the provisional exam. he knows what he’s about now, and he is THRIVING. and once again you can see how his conviction inspires the people around him and makes them more determined. just, he is going to be such a good number one hero you guys.

why I like it: it’s the three little “!!!” lines hovering in the corner next to his head for me. “oh my god it’s All Might, All Might saw me being cool and Saving To Win and stuff, what’s he gonna say what do I do omg quick act natural.”

why I like it: QUICK HIDE YOUR FEELINGS!! WE CAN’T LET THE NEIGHBORS KNOW WE CARE. fjkdlsjklk

why I like it: this is his expression when he first sees Deku activate Blackwhip for the first time. it’s one of the few unguarded expressions of complete surprise that we’ve gotten from him and I love it thank you.

why I like it: classic asymmetrical HAH face. he truly has perfected this look. look at him, casually clinging to a pole for no reason other than to look dynamic. this boy truly cannot sit or stand or walk or do anything normally. he spent three months working his ass off to catch up to Deku and the others, and now that he finally has he’s filled with so much pent-up energy that he simply cannot hold it back anymore and he’s gotta climb a pole. he’s just gotta.

why I like it: because he is so fucking good at saving people now you guys, he’s like a whole-ass professional and shit, and yet it hasn’t changed who he is one single iota. he will save your life and he will SCREAM AT YOU WHILE DOING IT and you’ll sit there and be grateful goddammit.

why I like it: o noo he was caught unawares. All Might was all “I’m gonna have a dad moment and nobody can stop me” and he walked right up to him and put his hand on his head because he’s All Might and so what is he even gonna do about it. nothing, that’s what. you got played, Kacchan. outmaneuvered and outfoxed. all he can do is stand there and make that grumpy face he makes when he’s receiving unwanted affection (҂⌣̀_⌣́).

why I like it: more unwanted affection. now they’re even feeding him ffs. how could he let this happen. mm chicken.

why I like it: GREATEST ASYMETRICAL HAH?! FACE OF ALL TIME. out of all the people to befriend him against his will, Todoroki is by far the most confusing to him and it’s just so great.

why I like it: this is when Hawks is staring at him in chapter 244 because he fake-killed his mentor and stuff and he feels sorta guilty about it. but meanwhile Kacchan just thinks he’s trying to start some shit, and so he’s all “I WAS FASTER THAN YOU BACK THERE YOU KNOW” and Hawks is all “hahaha okay little buddy you just keep telling yourself that”, because as previously discussed Kacchan is too adorable to ever be intimidating.

why I like it: this is from 246 when he’s in the middle of arguing with Burnin’ and all of a sudden Endeavor calls to him and he’s just like o shit what’d I do.

why I like it: because Endeavor’s mentoring them and shit and he’s just casually sitting there eating his lunch like yeah. with his lil hamster cheeks lulz.

why I like it: the look that instantly became iconic. this panel cured me of the misconception that Bakugou “goes to bed at 8:30pm” Katsuki was a morning person. the truth is he loathes all times of the day equally.

why I like it: this one is a team effort because Deku’s faces are equally as good. I’m genuinely shocked that this family dinner with the Todorokis didn’t prematurely unlock Danger Sense. you can tell that he and Deku have a silent agreement to call a temporary truce on their rivalry for as long as they sit at this table as outsiders in this strange land. this is by far the most hazardous meal Bakugou has ever experienced, and yet the mapo tofu is too good to go to waste, so he’s just shoveling it down his throat trying to finish as much as possible before shit inevitably hits the fan.

why I like it: Kacchan is New Here so he doesn’t yet realize that if the Todorokis are spilling family secrets, there is always inevitably going to be someone listening in the shadows just outside the door.

why I like it: the battle with Ending was probably peak gremlin!Kacchan. like, we’ve had gremlin before and afterwards, but never quite to this same degree. Horikoshi really decided to push the limits of contorting this child’s face in the strangest ways.

why I like it: peak. gremlin.

why I like it: nothing to see here, just Kacchan quietly realizing after 252 chapters that he MIGHT have been just a BIT of a cartoonishly villainous asshole to Deku back at the beginning there ha ha ha oh god oh fuck.

why I like it: because he found the answer to What It Is That He Lacks, and he’s all cool and calm and infuriatingly secretive about it. it’s such a sudden and stark contrast to the gremlin faces he was making only moments earlier, and it makes this moment hit home that much more.

why I like it: because this is him being friends with Deku!! like for real though!! because he’s fucking around and insulting him and making weird faces and stuff, but it’s because in his mind That’s What Friends Do. they clown on each other and help each other train and shit. half an hour after this they’ll go down to the training gym and play Catch-A-Kacchan, and then he’ll quietly confess to All Might that he wants to atone. he may be a gremlin, but he’s a gremlin with layers goddammit.

why I like it: because this is right after TomurAFO shows up out of nowhere and scares the shit out of him and Deku and makes them see a terrifying death vision and stuff, and you can see how shaken up he is by it. he definitely understands how close they came to dying just then and he’s sobered the fuck up. this is the moment when it really sinks in that shit has gotten real. eight minutes from now he’ll move without thinking and save Deku’s life.

why I like it: hydro homies. nothing restores those electrolytes like good old Raquaius Sports Drink.

why I like it: because this panel was when it started to become clear that the real reason he grabbed this sports drink was to pretend like he was busy so he could act like he wasn’t interested in Deku’s training because god forbid the neighbors know that he actually cares.

why I like it: because the sideways glance!! and the fact that he doesn’t deny it!! in fact he does the opposite of denying it, and he basically starts pouring his heart out about how goddamn worried he actually is. he’s guilty and anxious and restless and this entire conversation is amazing.

why I like it: he looks so goddamn young here. when he finally stops scrunching up his face and putting on his usual tough guy act and for once allows his actual emotions to show on his face instead, the result is so damn striking. for once we got an entire conversation with no gremlin faces, because Horikoshi had to drop them completely in order to show just how serious he is here. which was incredibly effective btw.

why I like it: because he’s basically just fidgeting with the bottle now to avoid making eye contact with All Might because he just revealed a deep dark secret to him and he’s precariously vulnerable right now. that’s the body language of a kid who knows how badly he fucked up, and just wants to hear from someone else if it’s going to be okay, if he can still make it okay. he looks so small here.

why I like it: the worry lines under his eyes. the look of uncertainty and wanting to believe that what All Might says is true (“you’ll get a chance to talk eventually”). the hesitance to turn back and look at him, and the way he doesn’t dare until he finally gets that small bit of reassurance. All Might isn’t judging him. All Might understands him and understands where he’s coming from, and he’s giving him his blessing. he’s giving him a thumbs up and reassuring him that he sees the change in him and sees that he’s sincerely trying, and basically saying that he has faith that he and Deku will be able to work it out. and you can see that it means a lot.

why I like it: because this kid spent his entire internship with Jeanist doing nothing but bitching nonstop, and then later on when Jeanist went missing he was all tight-lipped about it because once again NOBODY CAN KNOW THAT WE CARE GODDAMMIT, and it was all very Classic Bakugou. but then Jeanist finally shows up again at Jakku, and we get this little moment of happy, smirky FUCK YEAH, I KNEW YOU WEREN’T DEAD YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE, and it’s just the best.

why I like it: HE’S SO UNABASHEDLY PROUD GOD BLESS HIM.

why I like it: because he nearly died and then he woke up here in the hospital two days later not knowing where anybody else is or whether they’re even still alive, and this, my friends. this is finally the moment. the moment where he was all FUCK IT, MAYBE WE CAN LET THE NEIGHBORS KNOW WE CARE AFTER ALL. character fucking development. you love to see it.

BONUS:

WHAT HAVE I BECOME, MY SWEETEST FRIEND. EVERYONE I KNOW GOES AWAY IN THE END.

happy birthday Katsuki. feel better sweetie. HORIKOSHI YOU BETTER TREAT HIM RIGHT I AM COUNTING ON YOU.

[gritt3y]

ok uhhh kinda important announcement? sorry it’s so so sudden but i wanted to disclose this before i got on with the rest of my day since it’s been giving me immense discomfort to be hiding it for so long and just ahwhw i wanted to make this clear before i start to become alive again and active and such so ahwhwh

this is not at all a danger thing or something gone wrong in the household but ahwhwh i wanted to let y’all know anyways cuz i think it’s pretty important, at least to me, and it’s a really important thing for my identity right now

oh god i’m so nervous ahwhwhw why are you so nervous grit whyyyy ahwhwh

ok

i, think, i’m, a median system? a system that has its headmates kinda have one ultimate identity but not at the same time?

i thought for sure i was a singlet back when i joined tumblr and became active and such and i was vv confident that i wasn’t plural, but now i just feel

weird ahwhwh

recently i’ve just been feeling these, odd feelings? feelings like i never was truly alone? it’s just, so weird for me i can barely type rn i’m so scared hah ahwhwhw but like

in the beginning i thought for sure i was just one person

those who know me well know how i typed long ago, and that truly used to be my typing style for a while

but over time i felt this new “state” or state of being? it’s just, bruhhhh ahwhhww i feel so weird rn i’m ahwhwhw so nervous ahhh ahwhwhw

but like,

i first thought it was just a new typing style or whatever but i slowly came to realize it was something more than that

this “state of being” had their own desires, wishes, views on the world, even gender pronouns and it was like

wow, i never realized it ahwhw

i kinda realize how plural systems feel when they discover they’re plural and it’s just

wild honestly wow ahwhwhw

now by no means am i claiming i know how they feel, as my headmates are not as distinct as others, but they feel just distinct enough, if that makes sense

it’s just,

crazy honestly i’m ahwhwhw

so as time passed this headmate began to become the dominant one and the other state of being began to go dormant for a long time, months even

and i tried to act it off for the longest time that they were “just another typing style” or “just a side of me” but like

it’s so weird man i, never got those types of experiences before it’s insane ahwhwhw

but like,

time passed and the feelings just grew more and more

these “states of being” each had their own desires and views

i’ll go more in-depth about what those are maybe in a future post when i’m more relaxed but just

ahwhhw i’m so scared rn it’s crazyyyy ahwhwhw

but actually just, typing it out

i’m beginning to feel a lot better about myself

when i used all-encompassing pronouns like us or we it just felt, so natural

sometimes when i’m talking to myself to round my thoughts i automatically say we and it’s just, so new to me ahwhwh

so after time passed those states of being or headmates as we like to call them began to grow stronger and stronger in presence and just

man ahwhwhw it’s surreal

the realization and just, the comfort it’s bringing is crazy ahwhwh

so fast-forward to now and a new headmate came into existence recently, me, the one typing this currently ahwhwh

i think i came to existence around, 1 or 2 months ago? the system needed a sort of “auto-pilot” person to take care of the daily stuff that the others can’t really handle that well (school, chores, dealing with rens, etc etc ahwhw)

so yeah ahwhw

you might notice i type less animated than some of our other headmates (no capitalizing no emojis etc ahwhw) and i might come across as harsh or cold, but dw ahwhw i see myself to be friendly, as long as you don’t anger me or my friends we good ahwhwh

also just a quick disclaimer that while we all identify in a way as grit, we are distinct from one another and have our own names

for example my name is none, literally ahwhw i know that’s really odd but i’m comfy with it so ahwhw

feral (again literally ahwhw) is our headmate who’s very hyper, uses emojis, etc etc ahwhw

we tend to co-con (co-conscious) frequently, which is why i’m never really seen and can’t be noticed most of the time ahwhwh

finally theres wholesome (again, literally ahwhw) who’s vv sweet, the sweetest we both met personally and just, ahwhwhw they’re a bean tbh ahwhwh

they probably dissociate the least when they’re out, they’re very stable and just, overall very very wholesome literally ahwhw

i probably dissociate the most, as feral wants to come out frequently or co-con and it’s just ahwhw a mess tbh ahwhw

honestly most of the times feral edits a lot of the posts i make to kinda hide our identity as a system and kinda go off as a singlet identity but just

it honestly made me really uncomfortable, like i was fine with it in the beginning, we all were, but over time we just became so uncomfy as we knew we weren’t exactly a singlet but not exactly a very distinct system either and just ahwhw being in the between felt odd, really odd ahwhwh

but now we spilled and we’re rlly rlly happy now and just

ahwhw

i’m honestly really scared how all of y’all will react and just

god ahwh

so tldr

we are grit, as whole, we all identify as grit

but we also don’t

we’re a median system ahwhwh

so for the sake of this blog in particular i think we want to pursue single pronouns for now, as i know it’s a bit odd with the whole we and us pronouns ahwhwh

but they do make us happy ahwhw so if y’all use we or us on us we love it keep doing it ahwhwh

but yeah!

just for the record, i use he/him and they/them pronouns, feral uses they/them, and wholesome uses she/her and most often they/them pronouns

we actually sort of? prefer if y’all just call us by our singular identity, grit, but i in particular really like being called by my headmate name, none so if y’all notice me when i’m typing or such uhhh hello yellow ahwhwh

but yeah that’s all! feral and wholesome might put some notes or reblogs under this post whenever they want to and uhhh yeah!

oh also i want to let y’all know that yes, we do have a good idea of what each headmate did and stuff like that, so if y’all asked feral and wholesome they can recount exactly what i’m doing and yeah ahwhw we all in here ahwhw

anyways uhh that’s it!

if y’all have any questions shoot, and just uhhh

yeah we still super scared ahwhw

but ye! soon the weekend is coming and feral can respond to y’all texts y’all have been waiting a long time and just, ye!

sorry i should end this

okay ending it ahwhw

[ikdrama]

≫❥ hi, hope everyone's doing good. so um i've been inactive on tumblr for a long time for many reasons; whether it was 'cause of losing interests, life getting in the way, etc. i neglected this blog and kept leaving and coming back. i've been on this platform for years now and kept switching between other platforms for the times i've been mia on here. i've tried out instagram, then came back to tumblr, but switched again. i changed between interests—from photo editing to gif making to graphic design to video editing and now back to using photoshop again for making gifs, hopefully. for topics from kdramas to kpop to western back to kdramas, etc.

≫❥ however, i feel like tumblr still holds a space in my heart closer to home unlike instagram. perhaps because it's where i initially started out that i grew more attached to this platform. also maybe i'm getting older and most people on here are the og ones, they're more at the same age range as me, unlike instagram. age has never been an issue to me, i have friends who are much younger than me and those who are older (but mostly young ones) and they all are very dear to me. but i guess i just needed some friends with a closer age range too.

≫❥ i have made some lovely friends on here and i'm forever grateful for those sweet times. however, over the years when i abruptly left tumblr, i had also lost touch with them. so, i might have no friends left on here which saddens me a little but that's all on me and it's okay, i can always try getting in touch with them again, right ? but i'd love to make new friends and reunite with my old ones, so please feel free to message me anytime you wanna be friends, my dms and askbox are always open <3 (doubt anyone's reading this at all lol but it's worth the try i guess heh).

≫❥ anyways, what i'm saying is, i'm coming back this time for real, or at least try making a better effort into taking good care of this blog. i used to be a content maker (mostly creating gifs) but stopped at some point and only rb posts now. frankly, over the time dramas would have a less impact on me, i wouldn't be as much interested in them as before and switched interests but then again came back to them, just now i'm not up-to-date with the on-air ones, i would watch a drama that i find being interested in, so it's random and inconsistent, i don't watch a lot of dramas like i used to (surely my list of watched dramas became quite poor too oof). but i do watch some every once in a while when i find the time and am in the mood for it. my personal favorite genres nowadays are thriller/action/fantasy/comedy dramas with slight romance (teenage romance makes me cringe now when watching those, idk maybe i'm just getting old lol).

≫❥ but another reason to why i stopped creating content was also because i was too focused on whether my post reaches a wider range of audience ? i would get scared it wouldn't get much attention compared to the time and effort i would give into working on my original content. surely, this would bring the content creator down but at the end of the day i chose to be here because i find joy in making the content i wish the world to see and it's still okay if the whole world wouldn't see it as long as i shared it on my blog and me myself am satisfied with what i'm posting. this applied to all the platforms i would use as a content creator. so, one day i just stopped looking at the numbers. and my mind was much more at ease. now every time a post of mine blows up or it would get more recognition than usual, it would make me happy inside and i would be grateful but on the other hand if it would flop, i wouldn't care anyway and still be okay. and why is that ? well, that's because life comes in the way. other things happening irl outside of social media would keep my mind busier than having myself wasting my time by sulking over some digital numbers online. and i guess that's when one's perspective on wanting to gain more recognition on social media changes.

≫❥ anyways, i went a little off topic there heh. so, my blog would mostly consist of the dramas i've already watched or the ones on my watch list or if i find a pretty gifset, i'd rb it too :) i'm rambling on for too long now, oh god, my apologies (i mean i doubt anyone's reading this but that's fine, it's like more for me to get this off my chest).

≫❥ i guess with this post i'm trying to announce that i'll be back to this blog being more active with rb posts and i will also start making content again, but this time it'll be mostly different from the content i've been making so far. my usual content would be creating simple gifsets of scenes/dialogues but i've come across so many artistic and beautiful gifsets that i'd like to give it a try. also since i'm not up-to-date with on-air dramas, making gifsets of the dialogues and scenes from those dramas wouldn't happen—by the time i'd start those dramas people would have made gifsets of the scenes already anyway. this would mean for that kind of content i would give in a much greater effort into making the gifs looking more artistic/aesthetic and that's why i'd post less of my original work. but i'll still try to keep the blog active by rb other people's posts in q of course. however, right now my life is a little bit of a mess, i'm standing on a thin line between education and career, so i'd need some more time to sort this mess out first and then i'll change things up with my blog. i'm excited to come back though; this blog is still getting love from people even at times when it was completely dead and it's still growing which surprises me a lot and i am truly thankful for each of your support. i feel like i don't deserve this, i've been a terrible owner. but i'm willing to change that once i get my life atm together hahah.

≫❥ though i'm not sure how tumblr works now with the changes over the years, i'll just do me and somehow try and revive this blog again. i come back on here because i feel content browsing my dashboard seeing all these beautiful posts on here and i truly wish to come back to being a content maker like these wonderful artists too.

≫❥ ngl, i miss getting on/off anon asks in my askbox (although i wouldn't get that many but it still made me smile every time i received one no matter what it was about as long as it wasn't offensive <3). i missed talking to my friends and people on here. i missed rb ask game posts and get excited whenever someone reacted to it. i miss posting original content and reading other users' tags and them fangirling about a certain topic. i missed the times when i was interactive with my followers/mutuals. i miss the old times on tumblr. when i would have friends on here and a community that was warm and supportive. i wish to experience all of that again.

≫❥ lastly, thank you for listening (if you're still here, doubt so though hah) and so sorry you had to read through this all, i rambled on too much i guess oof. but if you're reading this please know that you're an amazing person. hope we could become friendsʕっ•́ᴥ•̀ʔっ~♡

。.❁stay beautiful:·ﾟ*

·☾ﾟir。

[good-so]

Freedom (1/?)

Nakajima Atsushi x Fem!Reader

----------

Atsushi admired you from afar for being a soft and happy person, with a passion for art. But he gets confronted with a much louder image of you than he had maybe hoped.

First part is from Atsushi’s perspective, but following chapters will be from the readers

-Part 1- - part 2 -

Word count: 1,402

A/N: Oh wow, first time posting a fic to tumblr! I am really curious if people will read this lol Let me know if you do! I am planning on making this a two parter, but the fics i write tend to spiral out of control so who knows lol.

-MESSAGE OR REPLY TO BE ADDED FOR THE TAG LIST-

-----------

Atsushi had made a habit out of eating lunch in a park not too far from the ADA. The first time he had done so to escape a longer than usual quarrel between Kunikida-san and Dazai-san. The second time he had been there by coincidence; he had passed through the park after solving a case with Ranpo-san (or rather, Ranpo-san had solved the case right after arriving to the scene and Atsushi had felt rather useless).

Both times you had been there; you had caught his eye, out and about with your sketchbook. The third time he had gone, partly for the peaceful atmosphere and partly because he had wondered if maybe going to the park at lunch time was part of your schedule.

And so it was, and so it became part of his.

He told himself that going to the park had many other benefits, such as fresh air and that the walk was good for exercise, but he knew that you were the reason why he decided on making it an everyday activity in the first place.

He didn’t necessarily meant anything with it, he was just drawn to your soothing presence as you worked on your drawings. It wasn’t as if he had never seen any artists around in Yokohama, what intrigued him was the clear delight and fervency with which you worked.

He envied such passion; that could never be him. Atsushi found himself slowly becoming more of use to the people around him, but he still found it hard to say that he had purpose.

He wanted nothing of you, he much preferred just to watch you. In fact, the one time you had noticed him, he had been so surprised he had barely gotten any words out. He had given you his name, and when you had smiled brightly after he had complimented your work he had felt his face flare up.

Other than that you didn’t really interact.

Even so, he still looked forward to lunch. The general atmosphere had given him much opportunity to destress.

Not that he was necessarily stressed, but the ADA wasn’t really a place to relax. Eating at the cafe downstairs was somewhat of an escape, but Atsushi needed a place to go to by himself.

Today, you weren’t at the park. Even so, he had enjoyed his lunch. He couldn’t expect a person to have a perfect schedule after all, even if Kunikida-san might disagree with that.

Coming back to ADA he was immediately met with such disagreement.

Kunikida-san looked at him with a disapproving look from behind his desk

“Hey brat, if you are going to eat outside of the office, at least make sure you go back in time!”

“I’m sorry…,” Atsushi replied in a downtrodden voice. He genuinely tried to go back in time, but he never seemed to succeed in that. Maybe next time he ought to shoot for arriving 5 minutes too early.

“Ah, Atsushi-kun, perfect timing!” Dazai-san leaned far over his desk to see him. Kunikida let out a sharp ‘Tch,’, but seemingly returned to his work. “Rampo-san is having a meeting with a client, why don’t you accompany him for this job?”

‘Again?’ He thought, but when he turned his head towards the sitting area they used to meet with clients, he saw a familiar face.

“So, you want us to find who stole this book? Is that it?” Rampo-san say. “That doesn’t sound very exciting, why don’t you just go to the police?”

“We would prefer this matter was handled rather quickly,” It was the man that always accompanied you to the park. “We have reported the matter to the police, but I have heard your deductive ability to be far more efficient.”

“Well, you’re right about that,” Rampo-san still didn’t sound convinced. “But it sounds rather boring,”

It was at that moment Atsushi showed himself from behind the divider and made contact with your eyes. His heart skipped a beat as your expression visibly lit up.

“Nakajima Atsushi.” You said.

“Oya, oya?” Rampo-san said rather loudly, causing most of the people present in the agency to look his way. Atsushi felt very self conscious all of a sudden.

“That is your name, is it not?” You asked politely, slightly confused. You grabbed your bag and rummaged around in it. “I drew your portrait in the park,”

Atsushi knew he had turned bright red when she pulled out her sketchbook. “M-me? Oh, gosh, I um-”

“We are veering off topic!” The man had gotten quite agitated as he felt the situation wasn’t going his way. “I would prefer not to waste this time to-”

“If that’s the case, then I really don’t see why you can’t leave this case to me.” You said simply, nonchalantly putting your sketchbook back into your bag.

The man got up from his chair and briskly stepped towards you to stare you down in the eye. Atsushi could feel the intensity as a shiver down his spine. Rampo-san seemed to only be annoyed by the situation.

“And what makes you think I would leave something this important over to you?”

You pouted dramatically at his response. “And why not? I will be in the capable hands of the detective agency, you’ll get to take a break from watching me as well.”

The man let out an heavy sigh. Somehow, Atsushi got the feeling that these two people didn’t really get along too well. He felt like he was watching something that really wasn’t any of his business.

He averted his eyes from the scene and jumped when you go close and held his hand in both of yours.

“You’ll help me, won’t you?” You said sweetly. Atsushi squeaked.

“O-o-of course! Yes!” He had without knowing what he had agreed to and before even realizing he was being manipulated. But he had no time to think of that as you let out the sweetest little “Hooray” and he was smiling like an idiot, feeling rewarded for agreeing.

But then, he realized, he was surrounded by all the members of the agency who had come to watch the show.

“Fine,” The man sighed heavily. “I hope you know what’s in it for you if you screw this up,”

“Of course I do,” You answered in a low voice, but Atsushi noticed you had gripped his hand a little tighter.

‘Oh my god she is still holding my hand,’

“Well I don’t expect much,” He grumbled. ”Not that not much can be done with a bad luck charm holding you down after all.”

And with that the man went through the door, just as Kyoka-chan came back in. She seemed rather surprised at the scene before her.

‘Bad luck charm? What did that mean?’ Atsushi wondered, but the onslaught of teasing brought him back to reality once again.

“Oh my, Atsushi-kun!” Dazai wailed. “Have you found yourself sweet love with this lady over here?”

Atsushi jolted, “A-a-a-ah, I uhmm, Miss-?”

Your touch felt close to burning his hands, which were still tightly hold by you. So tightly in fact, that you wouldn’t let him tug away as you intently watched the door.

Atsushi was shocked to find that he recognized this look in your eyes. This careful look, that was counting the seconds till you were sure the man had in fact disappeared.

“Hey brat, explain yourself, who is this?”

“It’s the lady he goes to the park for, to make eyes at.” Kyoka-chan answered kunikida with disapproval; she had gone with Atsushi to the park before.

“What- Kyoka-chan! I don’t ‘make eyes’ at her!!” Atsushi burst out in self defense, but he still couldn’t bring himself to more forcefully attempt to pull his hands away.

His response had caught your attention and you looked back at him with much less of a gentle more cold expression than before and it scared him.

“Hmmm,” You pulled your hands away and closed your eyes.

“ah- err, Miss?”

You breathed in deeply and leaned your head back, as if you were about to say something very emotionally heavy. Everyone in the agency was silent as your arms shot up in the air and you opened your mouth.

“FINALLY! VIVA LA FREEDOM!”

’Hah??’

----

-part 2-