#like i walked out feeling like. am i not Suffering(tm) enough for your expectations?

[goodmorning-hello]

Okay no yeah had a very Weird time with the gender wizard today and i think i gotta get it off my chest

So first time meeting the endocrinologist, to discuss the intersection of PCOS diagnosis and possibly going on T, yeah? And the whole time i felt like i was talking to a wall, so. zero points on bedside manner. But that got me sort of on my heels and wondering if I'm just not articulating myself well enough to be understood right, or if she's not really listening, or what.

And like. She was asking a LOT of questions about my depression levels and specifically asked about thoughts of self harm / si, and like. Yeah?? I've been at that rodeo for AGES, that's not your business??? That's for unpacking with my therapist; i didnt come in prepped to air out that laundry today. Let's get to the topic at hand, no?

And she was asking about my social history and who I'm out to, which like. Yeah okay, i guess that's a sort of fair question, but also i sort of fail to see how it matters? 1) You don't know my family dynamic, you don't know whether being out to my family means DICK ALL. 2) If my friends peace out bc i tell them I'm a boygirl, then I'll be well rid of them and i will find new friends. 3) It's not my boss's business AT ALL whether I'm a lady or not on any given day, as long as i show up and do my job they shouldn't, and don't, give a shit.

And she kept iterating that going on T will cause some permanent changes, which. Yes, that's the idea. Why are you telling me this. I want those changes. That's what I'm asking for.

And ultimately she decided that she wouldn't advise it "based on my social situation"

Bitch i am a grown ass man??? I KNOW my social situation, and I'm capable of navigating the changes that this would entail. I understand that this is going to cause some permanent changes, that's why im here. I have thought about this. I wouldnt be here if this was a fleeting fancy. Do you know how long i waited for this appointment.

And now that I've been percolating on it I'm belatedly realizing that actually yeah, i am kinda mad. Not even bc i didn't get what i want, but just at like. What the HELL was going on in that appointment? Does she think i don't know my own situation and mind, and don't understand what I'm asking for????

And i was just so mentally wrung out from the day I'd already been having before she even walked in that i just sort of accepted it, like. Yeah sure, whatever lady. I'll call back in a month or two so we can have this exact same conversation again on a day when I'm ready to fight you for it, let me out of here so i can go eat something today.

[sukifans]

PET • RI • CHOR

[n] a pleasant smell that accompanies the first rain after a long period of warm, dry weather

ZUKO X OC SERIES

SUMMARY: a captured waterbender and the fire prince may sound like an unlikely pair, but kena never much cared about others’ expectations and zuko, well… he was just along for the ride

A/N: hm that summary was kind of... terrible. but wow okay that first bit got way more attention than i honestly thought it would. thank you all so much for the love, it’s really brought up my mood and i’ve been feeling pretty down being stuck at my parents’ house during all... this. i’m so happy y’all enjoyed and i look forward to bringing you more Content TM by eventually opening up for requests and stuff like that if anyone is interested 🥺 as before, absolutely reply/message/ask/telegraph/etc me any questions/comments/tag requests!! love y’all!!!

⏎ MASTERLIST // PROLOGUE i « PROLOGUE ii » PART I

They managed to keep their friendship mostly a secret for a little while. Zuko knew his father wouldn’t approve, so they either snuck out to talk together at nights or he’d make up excuses to visit the infirmary. He’d lie about some vague illness symptoms or “slip up” during his training and sustain a few burns. As time passed, they had to get more and more creative. Ursa figured it out relatively quickly, but she thought Kena and their budding relationship was good for the young prince. Zuko didn’t really care one way or another if his mother knew — as long as Ozai never heard about them, it didn’t matter. She often even helped facilitate their little meetings, even if they didn’t know it. One warm June day, Ursa took Zuko to the newly-bloomed field of fire lilies on the palace grounds under the pretense of taking a walk around the gardens.

“Aren’t they lovely, Zuko?” She stroked his hair while they sat in the shade of a cherry blossom tree overlooking the field.

“Yeah,” he said. “I think fire lilies are my favorite.”

“You know, girls love flowers.”

“So?” Zuko scrunched up his face as he looked at his mom, who smiled.

“I’m just saying, if there’s ever a girl you like, you should bring her flowers. I think she’d really like it.”

“Ew, Mom! I don’t like any girls, they’re gross.” He stuck his tongue out comically and she laughed at him.

“What about Mai and Ty Lee?”

“Yes!”

“Even me?”

He hesitated. “Well, no. But you’re not a girl!”

She laughed again. “What am I, then?”

“I don’t know,” he shrugged. “You’re just Mom.”

“If you say so, my love,” she said gently. Ursa dropped the topic after that and pretended not to notice when the prince sneakily pocketed a flower when he thought she wasn’t looking.

Later that evening, he found Kena in a deserted corridor as they’d planned and presented her the flower abruptly, flushing wildly. The butterflies in his stomach went wild when he saw her eyes go big and her lips part in surprise.

“It’s for you,” he said, avoiding her gaze. “I saw it in the garden and thought of you because they’re my favorite and you’re my favorite, and they’re really pretty and I think you’re really pretty too.” Her face reddened as much as his and she beamed, reaching out to take the flower. Before he could react, she had engulfed him in a hug. He closed his eyes and squeezed her back tightly, setting his chin on her shoulder.

“Thanks, Zuko. I love it.” She twirled it around in her fingers absently as she took a step back. “You’re my favorite too, you know.”

“I would hope so!” They both giggled, shyly looking at anything but each other.

“I told my mom I would help her with something tonight, so I have to go,” she said, lips pulling into a frown. Zuko frowned too.

“Oh. Okay.” He rubbed the toe of his shoe against the ground.

“I’ll see you again soon, though, okay? And I’ll stay longer.”

“You promise?” Zuko held out his hand, pinky extended. She grinned again and entwined her little finger with his.

“I promise.” Before either of them could step away, she leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his cheek. His mouth dropped open, face deep red all over again, and she dashed away while laughing. “Bye!” she called over her shoulder, waving.

“B-bye,” he whispered, hand raising to where she’d kissed him. Slowly, his face lit up into a wide smile and he turned to go back to his room, stomach full of butterflies again.

The next evening at dinner, Ozai set down his cutlery and looked at his son.

“Prince Zuko,” he began and the boy looked up from his plate, which he’d been smiling faintly at, “I hear you’ve made a friend.”

The boy’s brow furrowed. “I did?”

“It’s his girlfriend, Dad,” Azula taunted from across the table and Zuko paled. “That water tribe girl in the infirmary.”

“I- I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Don’t lie to me, son,” Ozai said coolly. “Azula said she saw you sneaking around with her last night. What were you doing with her?”

“Zuzu gave her a flower and she kissed him!” said Azula, grinning devilishly. Ozai’s eyebrows raised and Ursa looked nervously between father and son.

“Is this true?” Ozai asked.

“I, uh- um, well-“ Zuko stammered out incoherently. He’d never forgive himself if Kena got in trouble because of him. Well, he’d never forgive Azula for telling their father, anyways.

“Answer.”

“Yes,” Zuko sighed and looked down at the table. “But she’s not my girlfriend. I just... thought she’d like the fire lily because I don’t think she’s ever been to the gardens to see them before.”

“I told him to give her the flower,” Ursa cut in quickly. Zuko breathed a quiet sigh of relief. “I noticed the girl always looks miserable and I thought she’d work better with some cheering up.” She played it off easily, twisting the truth enough to maybe placate her husband. Ozai simply glared at her before looking back at his son who still looked remarkably pale.

“You’re not close with her, then?” he asked.

“No, I’m not,” Zuko lied. “I just see her around.”

“So you wouldn’t be upset if I were to, say, send her and her mother to prison with the rest of the waterbending savages?” Zuko felt lightheaded at the thought of Kena in a cell, suffering and lonely and sad.

“My lord-“ Ursa started.

“Silence,” Ozai snapped before continuing to taunt the prince. “You wouldn’t care, then, if I had them executed?”

Despite the warning voice in the back of his head, Zuko jumped to his feet. “They’re innocent people, you can’t do that!”

“Actually, I think you’ll find that I can and I will. Maybe if the snow savages die you’ll learn to respect your position and your father.” He picked up his fork again and resumed eating like nothing had happened. “Sana, take Prince Zuko to his chambers and keep an eye on him. He will not be seeing that girl again.”

As a frightened-looking Sana ushered a furious and horrified Zuko away from the table, he shot a vicious glare at his sister. Azula’s face was stony. She hadn’t meant for the stupid girl to end up dead, she’d just wanted to get her brother in trouble and maybe have the girl sent away. Now Zuko would never play Love Amongst the Dragons with her again, and it just wasn’t as fun with Mai or Ty Lee as the Dark Water Spirit.

Walking down a corridor away from the dining hall, Zuko made a turn to go to the infirmary when Sana stopped him. He gave her an angry look and she sighed.

“Your father said to go to your room, Prince Zuko.” She set a hand on his shoulder and he shrugged her off.

“I will, but I have to warn Kena and her mom first. I can’t just let my father hurt them.”

Sana crouched in front of him so they were eye to eye and she cupped his face in her hands. “Prince Zuko, if your father finds out I didn’t take you directly to your room and keep you there, he’ll hurt me too.” His eyes widened at the realization. He hadn’t even considered that. “I’ll do what I can to get the word to them, but right now I need you to come with me.”

“Okay,” he said quietly, following her as she walked in the direction of his bedroom. He couldn’t let his father hurt Sana either; she had been taking care of him for as long as he could remember and he loved her like family. It wasn’t a risk he was willing to take and he was confident she’d be able to send word through the network of palace staff. He just hoped the message would reach them in time.

A/N: just another small bit of prologue to establish the relationship between zuko and kena. also i guess i’m calling this petrichor? idk it’ll make more sense later. anyways!! hope you enjoyed this small update!!

TAGS: @beifongsss @the-lva-way @lammello @llorom6nnic @idkdude776 @bubblebars @royahllty

[master-of-cosmos]

Imprint [Ninjago Fic]

apparently some people are calling this ‘whumptober,’ so you know what that means! entersroomhoppingonmyhighheels.gif

it’s quick oneshot-inspired-by-@rinas-ninjas‘ palette-challenge-art time ❤️ that stuff is right up my alley y’all don’t even know. anyway, this is also a bit of a thank you gift to @lloydskywalkers for always being so supportive of this fandom’s writer community and such an inspiration in her own work! i absolutely do not deserve all the love you’ve given TMS, so you completely deserve some post-s4 brotherly bonding hun 💚💚

content warning: there’s lots of blood and a very likely upsetting way it’s taken care of because of the way it’s described, so please don’t read if you’re under 13 or sensitive to these things!

~~~~~

Kai wasn’t exactly expecting things to go back to normal right away. The team could still laugh with each other and band together against an enemy like nothing changed, but it’d be naive to think that, once everything settled down, there wouldn’t be some hitches.

He just didn’t think Lloyd would be one of them.

It’s three in the morning, and he’s already awake. Rolling over onto his back, he stares up at the ceiling in the guest room he’s been staying in since they got back from Chen’s outright lousy island. He blinks a few times, wondering what pulled his brain out of his coma so early.

Soft - slow - footsteps pad down the hall outside. Right, it’s time for Lloyd’s patrol. His actual one today, apparently. He’s been randomly stealing everyone’s shifts after Anacondrai gang wannabes started cropping up, inspired by Chen in spite of what happened to him.

In spite of what Sensei Garmadon sacrificed to stop him. Weeks ago.

A whole month has gone by, and Lloyd still won’t talk to anyone about it, least of all Kai. And Kai, in particular, has barely been able to have a conversation with him about anything without the kid stuttering and finding something else to do that cuts off the interaction like an axe to his neck.

He knows perfectly well why.

Kicking off the blanket, he drags himself out of bed and slips on his sandals.

He’s got no one else to blame but himself that Lloyd’s scared of him now, so he let this go on for too long. He’s not sure what’s come over him about it, but at some point in the last few days, he decided he’s putting a stop to it, any act he can do at a time.

He has to show Lloyd that he can still rely on him. That he’s trustworthy and useful and not a screw up and worth more to the team than the shattered bathroom mirror says.

His hurry down the hall causes a yawning audience to trail him, Jay mumbling, “Where’s the fire?”

Lloyd’s about to step out when he makes it to the foyer. “Hey,” he calls.

Freezing, Lloyd tilts his head back a little, answering with a hesitant, “Yeah?”

Ignoring Cole and Jay behind him, Kai moves further into the room, mustering his nerve to say, “I can take your shift. If you want.”

“It’s fine. I got it,” he responds quickly as he turns to Kai. He wavers a little bit, and the dark circles under his wide eyes stand out in Zane’s reading light.

Catching Kai’s drift, Cole gently suggests, “Lloyd, maybe it’s better for you to stay in.”

“I…appreciate the concern, but this is something I need to do,” Lloyd asserts back, his jaw locked from annoyance.

It’s clear to Kai that Lloyd’s been using the patrols to ignore what happened to his dad. Maybe he’s trying to put off sleep, too. Both worried about that and absorbing Lloyd’s aggravation like a sponge, Kai huffs, “Look, dude, it’s obvious you’re tired. Just let me cover you for one night.”

“I said it’s fine. You don’t want to be here anyway,” Lloyd bites, hardly even looking at the others when he says it, and storms out of the dojo so fast that Kai can only stare as the door slams shut.

Oh.

Kai braces himself on the front counter, squeezing his eyes shut. That’s what’s wrong. They - he - left Lloyd all alone. Of course he feels like he has to do everything like that now.

Jay humphs a little and rubs his eye, heading back upstairs as he tiredly jokes, “Well, my shift’s always open.”

Following him, Cole pats Kai’s shoulder. “Let the kid grieve in his own way. He’ll come around.”

Easy for you to say, Kai thinks. He has it on good authority that throwing yourself into work to avoid your feelings doesn’t help in the long run.

“Are you all right?” Zane asks from his chair on the other side of the room, the giant book he’s been chipping away at for three nights abandoned in his lap.

Straightening, Kai tightly answers, “Yep.”

“I am certain you will think of a way to help him,” he states, returning to his book.

Well, he already has. He races back up to his room and throws on his gi. With his comm-link in his ear, he doesn’t waste time running back downstairs. Instead, he leaps out the window as he summons his elemental dragon and takes off after his little brother.

He’s going to prove to Lloyd that he won’t just leave him on his own again.

~~~~~

A few miles out from his dad’s dojo, Lloyd rides his dragon along his patrol route and fights tears, scrubbing at his face every few moments. Stupid Kai, he thinks, but then he shakes his head, mumbling, “Stupid me.”

Somewhere inside, he’s happier than anything to have the team back together. He knew how much he missed them, but it feels a million times better actually being able to watch them work hard in the training yard, hearing them laugh at the breakfast table, everyone saying “good morning” and then “goodnight,” just like it used to be.

But he got used to his dad.

Lloyd can’t keep himself from running through scenarios that might have saved him, and some of those possibilities include things he would never voice, like not taking the challenge at all. But because he wouldn’t do something like that, Dad got to suffer the consequences.

A scream splits him from his thoughts.

“Where?” he asks the night, searching the ground. In a secluded alley, he spots what looks like three men corning a woman.

He sends his dragon into a dive for them, landing it between her and the attackers. It roars before he banishes it and readies his stance. “If you guys know what’s good for you, you’ll leave right now,” he threatens, lighting his power in his hands.

“It’s the Green Ninja,” one of them shouts to his buddies.

“Get him!”

The three drawing knives, they descend on him.

He cuts out the energy and dodges the closest man’s knife, noting the Anacondrai tattoo on his wrist. Grabbing the extended arm, Lloyd hurls the body at the next one. While they untangle themselves, he punches the third in the gut, grabbing his head when he doubles over and slamming his face on a nearby electrical unit.

The second kicks his kneecap from where he still lies on the ground, but Lloyd jumps back enough before the attack can fully connect. With a small yell, he blasts the man’s chest.

Left alone now, the first tries his luck again, charging at Lloyd with his knife held above his head. A high kick knocks it from his hand, and one more solid kick to his solar plexus takes him out.

With a stumble that he locks down on, Lloyd moves over to the woman crouched in the corner. “Hey, you’re safe now,” he says soothingly, extending his hand.

She looks up from her knees and stares at it before she takes it, her own hand trembling.

“It’s alright,” he consoles as he helps her stand. “Do you live around here?”

Wordlessly, she nods, clutching her purse close to her body.

He steps back to give her some space. “Do you need to call someone? Or, uh, I can take you there.” He accepts her careful step forward as an answer and turns around to leave the alley. Mostly to himself, he mutters, “I need to let the police know about these guys. Should’ve brought a rope or some―”

Normally, he’d never let anyone get the drop on him, especially not someone he could take without even looking, but Kai’s right. He’s tired. Distracted. Stressed and not keeping his guard up when he should, but how could he? She’s just an innocent person who needed help.

She’s not holding a switchblade, and that’s not his blood. It couldn’t be.

“It’s your fault,” she spits, circling around him. “You let those Anacondrai warriors attack my home. My children.”

Gasping, Lloyd backs against the wall the woman was just cowering against, his hand pressed to the throbbing fire in his side. “I-I’m sorry. We did―”

“Save it for your maker!” She steps over one of the men and kicks him, barking, “Get up.” The three of them groan as they comply. She hands her knife to the one who stands up first and orders, “Now finish it.”

Lloyd sucks in deeper breaths as he pushes himself to straighten. He can ignore the pain and pretend he doesn’t feel it long enough. With his teeth bared, he calls up another two energy orbs, warning, “Stay. Away.”

The man just smirks and keeps inching closer, so Lloyd pitches a sphere at him, knocking him clear out of the alley. Scrambling back to his feet, he squeaks, “Forget this,” and runs off.

Lloyd manages to re-energize his empty hand before the others get any more ideas, bending his knees and glaring, daring them.

“Yeah, I’m out. I didn’t sign up to kill him,” the second man says. The third follows after him.

The woman glowers at their retreat but makes no effort to stop them. Snapping her purse shut, she looks back at Lloyd, bitterly stating, “You may have this city worshiping you, but you don’t fool me.” And with that, she leaves him alone.

His energy orbs sputter out, taking his grip on equilibrium with them. The ground falls away like a tunnel as he staggers back a step, but he shuts his eyes and shakes his head sharply. He’ll be fine. He can get home and have this taken care of, no problem. He just needs his dragon.

Trying to summon it nearly sends him to the concrete. So he’s too freaked out to do that.

He can walk then. Find someone with a phone or something. The knife was pretty thin, wasn’t it? It can’t be bad enough that he won’t be able to walk.

One foot in front of the other. Not difficult. One step, next step, and then the next―

He gasps so hard he sees stars and has to catch himself on the wall. Restraining a scream in his throat doesn’t do much to chase away the incessant throb, but it helps the frustration building faster around his racing heart.

Flipping over, his back hits the wall. It’s practically the only thing holding him up, and that makes ice run down his spine.

He’s not as knowledgeable on anatomy as he should be, but he has a vague understanding that where she stabbed him is close to a cluster of nerves. On reflection, he instinctively twisted his torso just in time; she was probably going for his kidney or the giant artery beside it. A common target for someone who wants to cause pain.

Great, now he needs to know how bad it is.

He reaches around to touch the excruciating point under his ribs, hissing when his hand fumbles over it. Holding them up to the light of a distant streetlamp, he finds his fingers glazed in red, a mini pool of it in his palm.

A tremor’s already wracking his whole arm, and there’s warmth seeping across his lower back, stolen from his limbs.

He’s been injured and bled before, but this. It’s too much for him to deal with by himself. The pain, the fear, the knowledge of why all gather together behind his eyes and spill out as he murmurs, “Oh god.”

But there’s hope. He’s still got a spark of it. With the others home again, he has one last option.

Tapping his comm, he forces his voice to steadily enough ask, “K-Kai?”

His heart drops to his stomach when his brain promptly supplies, What if they  went back to sleep? Nobody’s listening. Even if he does hear you, the dojo’s miles away.

No one’s gonna be able to come for him. He’s in real trouble now, and it’s all because he was a jerk and didn’t let them be a team even though that’s the exact thing he wanted, and god, what’s Dad gonna think? Is he even in a real afterlife? Oh god, he’s never seeing him again. He’s gonna die out here, or some other day, and it won’t even matter―

“What’s up, Lloyd? You’re kind of staticky.”

He wants to laugh in relief, but the pain’s killing him enough, and as cloudy as it’s making his senses, he heard the worry in Kai’s voice despite the effort he used to hide it.

With his fleeting strength, he manages, “I-I need h-help.”

~~~~~

Ten minutes.

He was only ten minutes behind Lloyd.

Kai can’t hear anything outside his comm. He can barely see besides the blurry lines that are supposed to be streets he soars above. The only reason he knows Nya heard him when he told her to notify a hospital is because she commanded him to keep Lloyd talking.

“Yeah, and what’d he say to that?”

“Jeez. Gene was…s-so mad. Said..said he’d get me back f-for sure.”

“Tell me you got him first.”

“I-I tried, but I d-didn’t know where..to find…scor-scorpions.” He laughs at himself, but the sound chokes off with a gasp.

“Lloyd?”

“Are you close?”

“Yeah. Yeah, buddy, two minutes. Just sit tight.”

“A-awesome.”

“I know where we can get a couple.”

“What?”

“Scorpions. We can still get that jerk.”

“H-he’s nice…n-now…Remember? Don’t..be mean.”

“Right, yeah. We ruined a perfectly good bad boy, didn’t we? Too nice for your own good, Lloyd.”

Instead of answering, Kai just hears sniffling and measured groaning like Lloyd’s trying to control the pain.

He’s about to ask how he’s doing when Lloyd speaks up again. “Is…is that what’s…wrong with me?”

“Nothing’s wrong with you, man.”

“B-but if I was mean, then…then Dad might still―”

“Hey, hey, listen. None of that was your fault. Okay? Can you see me? I think I’m over the right street.”

It takes Lloyd a minute before he hums, “Mhm. F-fire…dragon.”

“Yeah, bud. I’m right here. You’re gonna be fine.” Kai doesn’t see him, though. It’s still pretty dark, and the alley’s crowded with junk.

A green orb floats up from beside a big power box.

Kai drops his dragon and banishes it just before they hit the ground, flipping off it to break the fall. He’s at Lloyd’s side in a near instant, looking him over where he sits against the square unit, one arm bent around his torso.

Bleary eyed, Lloyd smiles at him. “Y-you made it.”

“’Course I did.” He resists the urge to yank his hair out, sinking his tooth into his cheek instead. There’s blood all over the concrete, a smudged handprint on the brick wall. Lloyd moves his arm so Kai can see, and from what he can tell, the wound’s still bleeding. His gi has a jagged rip going down, like the attacker cut into him before she got the leverage needed to sink the knife in deep.

Immediately, he presses his hand to it, making Lloyd flinch. He tries so hard to be calm, but he can’t get the terror out of his voice when he demands, “God, Lloyd, why’d you leave it like this?”

“M’sorry,” Lloyd groans in a cracking voice, slumping forward.

Kai puts his other hand on his shoulder, noticing the abandoned hood and gi sash wadded in soaked piles. Swallowing his nausea, he alternates brushing Lloyd’s arm and hair, saying, “No, it’s alright, okay? It’s gonna be fine. Nya’s already got an ambulance on the way. They’ll be here any minute.”

Shaking his head, Lloyd gasps, “Too late. T-they’re gonna be―” Suddenly distressed, he huffs and whines, “Kai…”

Kai nudges him upright. “What? Tell me.”

Lloyd’s head lolls to the side and back against the metal box before he pushes himself to lean over on his elbow, grimacing. He tugs the end of his gi aside, exposing the injury. It’s the way he pinches his brows and further labors his breathing, his expression miserably expectant as his neck gives out on him, tears and beads of sweat bouncing off his face from the movement. It says enough.

“N-no,” Kai croaks. Stronger, he says, “Lloyd, no, I can’t do that to you,” standing as he recoils.

“I-I’m gonna…bleed―” He winces, raggedly continuing, “Bleed out..i-if you don’t.”

Kai yanks on his hair anyway, but he glances back at Lloyd.

His dark circles stand out worse, a sunken mask on his paling face, and his eyelids droop despite how he’s fighting to keep them open. With the arm he’s propped on trying to shake out from under him, he’s almost lying down, each shallow pant pushing him lower bit by bit.

And now that Kai can see it, he’s losing too much blood. It’s just leaving him in small yet constant pulses, four black rivulets dripping down his stomach and adding to the puddle on the ground.

He’s right. Why does he have to be right?

Kai takes Lloyd’s weight off his arm, wrapping his under it and along to his little brother’s back, and gathers the green cloth there in his fist to keep it out of the way. “Just― just hold onto me, alright? Don’t let go.”

Lloyd nods. His arms come up around Kai’s torso and across his shoulder blades, squeezing with all the strength he’s got.

His right hand free, Kai closes his eyes and ignites it.

Or, he tries to. It doesn’t respond instantly like it should, only giving off smoke. The consequence of his own reluctance.

Sensing the hangup, Lloyd mutters, “I can…handle it..pro-promise.”

Kai inhales, letting the air out slow. “You better.” He snaps his wrist again, the fire lighting up the alleyway. For a few extra seconds, he makes it burn hotter than he usually needs before he pulls the flames down to a dull orange smoulder in his palm. “Ready? On three.”

He’s not ready, and Lloyd tenses, burying his face in Kai’s shoulder.

“One. Two…T-three.”

For the second time, Kai presses his hand on the wound.

As promised, mostly, Lloyd toughs it out at first. He keeps the pain deep in his throat, but eventually the groan turns shrill, and then he’s screaming and struggling not to writhe.

Kai wants to scream with him, but he won’t. Maybe he can’t either. All he can do is hold onto Lloyd tighter as he tries to block out the sound under his hand.

He turns his focus to how the muscles in his back seize around Lloyd’s fists from the energy he’s started channeling on agonized reflex. He gets kneed in the ribs, too, and he’d lose his grip if the slick blood wasn’t burned away.

Burned. Burning. He’s burning his baby brother.

Why didn’t he think to heat up a knife or something instead? Why’s he using his hand for it? Why’d he let Lloyd convince him to do this at all? He should’ve just carried him to the hospital on his dragon, or better yet, he never should have let any of this happen.

“I’m sorry,” Kai yells, screwing his eyes shut. Just a few more seconds, just enough to make sure it’s cauterized fully. He can’t risk messing up because if Lloyd has to suffer for nothing, then he―

Kai’s gonna―

Lloyd loses his strength to keep screaming, and then Kai’s muscles relax only a fraction when the scrabbling limbs behind him fall slack.

Enough. It has to be enough.

Ripping his hand away, he crushes Lloyd in both arms, unable to stop rocking him or repeating apologies. Not just for this. He’s sorry for everything ― the betrayal, the staff, for leaving and allowing so much time to go by that it ended up leading to now.

Lloyd probably can’t understand any of it. He just hiccups while he cries, slowly quieting until he’s too limp in Kai’s hold.

The paramedics find them like that, but they’re all strangers, and one of them talks to Kai while another tries to pry Lloyd away from him. He’s gonna blast them in their throats if they don’t shut up and stop and get their hands away.

But then the Bounty’s sailing overhead, and Nya’s getting through to him as Lloyd’s taken to someone who can actually help a hell of a lot better.

He clenches his fists the entire flight over to the hospital, refusing to look at his own hands.

~~~~~

Kai gets an earful later about how ‘incorrectly’ he handled the situation, and Master Wu adds ‘proper field medicine’ to their training schedule, but ultimately, everyone hugs him and cries and are so thankful he’d at least ‘been there to do something,’ and he doesn’t remember a whole lot of it.

He knows the others have been worried for him now, too, though.

He hasn’t been able to eat anything cooked if he’s around while it’s being prepared. Zane picks up on that in record time and starts making oatmeal and cold-cut sandwiches for him instead.

Cole and Jay learn real quick that if they ask Kai for help with fire-related needs, then his powers won’t respond. Fighting is the only thing it’s felt like doing, and fight it does. They steer clear of him when he goes out to the training yard.

Nya keeps looking at him with a face that’s so sad, like she wants to help him but doesn’t know how, he can’t help it. He retreats to his room and hides under the blanket for hours until the world stops spinning and he can breathe without needing to think about it.

But Lloyd heals fast, so there’s that.

The cops want to track down the people who attacked him, but he refuses to help, muttering something like, “She’s a mom.”

That doesn’t stop Kai from trying to find the woman himself, but he has nothing to go on, and the cops have better resources. They catch her pretty soon after that.

He does have the power to scare other Anacondrai wannabes into never showing their faces again. He gets another earful for that, but it’s worth it to rest at least a little easier.

Things get better after Lloyd comes home, where Kai can see him and be reassured.

He seems better, too. He spends more time with everyone, participates in conversations, and doesn’t run away from Kai anymore.

The thing is, Kai thinks he should. Especially now.

The heat index today’s like a hundred and ten degrees. It doesn’t really bother Kai, but the others already went inside after training as much as they can stand. Lloyd’s not done sparring, though. Said he feels like he fell behind and wants to keep going for another half hour.

But it’s still really hot out for him, so he’s folding his shirt and setting it on one of the benches before he heads back over to Kai to resume their match.

And Kai isn’t sure what he thought would be there. He knew Lloyd had to have been scarred, but he didn’t know. It didn’t occur to him at all how it’d look.

Under Lloyd’s ribs, close to his lower back, it’s a reddened, indistinct patch of burned scarring surrounding a handprint.

It looks like a violation, like a betrayal of Lloyd’s trust and Kai’s job as the Green Ninja’s protector.

He practically collapses as he sits down on the packed dirt. He waves his hand dismissively and pants, “I’m done,” when Lloyd looks at him, confused.

His confusion shifts to narrowed worry as he glances towards the scar. Carefully, he says, “You saved my life.”

Kai pulls his legs in, one hand on his thigh while the other scrapes at his forehead. “I know…I know.” He ends up ripping at his hair, closing his eyes tight. “It’s just. Everything. All of it.”

After a second, Lloyd’s kneeling in front of him. He’s put his shirt back on and has that stupid, sad face that’s gonna send Kai packing. But he can’t leave because Lloyd catches onto his shoulder and says, “You can’t hurt me, Kai.”

“But I―” Kai’s already pounding heart speeds up, making him dizzy, because he did. He let them shackle Lloyd and steal his power and drop poison on him, and he’s alone. He’s bleeding. Kai’s burning him, so who’s to say he would have dropped the staff? “I’m―”

“Hey,” Lloyd interjects, shaking him once. “You. Can’t. Hurt me. Alright?” He harshly emphasizes the words, except they’re gentle, kind, more than Kai deserves, but if he can still have conviction like that, then Kai can try to accept it.

Eventually.

His head bows. He can’t get his heart to stop demanding to fly out of his chest. It hurts, it hurts, he’s sinking, and he wants to hide because this feeling won’t go away out in the open.

“Look at me,” Lloyd says, a beacon of calm. “Just breathe. In and out. Copy me, okay?”

He does. He feels completely stupid because whatever’s wrong with him is nothing compared to what he put his little brother through, but he looks up and matches Lloyd’s exaggerated breaths.

Minutes go by as the world melts away and rebuilds itself enough to steady him, Lloyd’s presence somehow a foundation for it.

Swiping at his eyes, Kai nods when he’s fine. He huffs out a short laugh, asking, “S-someone teach you that?”

Lloyd gives him a hand up and mumbles, “Yeah. Um, Dad did.”

“Oh.”

The floodgates open with that. Kai listens while Lloyd talks about Garmadon for the first time since his funeral, the conversation leading to shared stories and lessons the man taught them both and on to experiences the ninja had with him before Lloyd got to meet him.

He does mess up again, really soon actually, but at least this time Lloyd knows someone’s coming to save him.

~~~~~

overuse of adverbs and unbroken dialogue signals that this is a ‘doodle’ lol

and because it is, i didn’t feel up to writing much more – i just want to point out here that lloyd absolutely does internalize the fact that he traumatized kai, so jot that down

*pats their heads* these beans can fit so much angst in them!

[gaarfielf]

k im gonna throw in my hot take on part 5 now i think the time has come where i’ve watched enough of the damn series i can make a coherent essay on whats what on what (putting it under a read more bc this shit is gonna be long and i dont want my followers to suffer too much)

I’ll do this character by character starting with the new ones

Ami: I’m having a hard time deciphering whether she’s being underutilized or over utilized because number 1) her character isn’t interesting enough to have her keep coming around, especially when her only connection to the group is Lupin. She hasn’t had any interaction with Goemon or Jigen that i know of and she hates Fujiko for ??? reasons. That being said, I would’ve preferred if she was fleshed out more because 2) literally having her be the distant girl that is quiet and doesn’t understand social norms is..... really boring. It’s almost as boring as having a female character whose only there as a set of boobs... (coughs). She isn’t interesting because they didn’t make her interesting, yeah? It’s hard to hate a character based on the fact alone they were clearly written by a man but I mean it very literally when I say she could’ve been something great. Having her confess her love to Lupin was straight up disgusting and I really expected more from tms in that vein. Putting romance where romance doesn’t need to be is bad enough let alone when you jack knife it in between a child and an adult. And for those of you saying ‘Oh hhhh she’s like nineteen’....look into your heart. Even if she is 1) she sure as hell doesn’t look it and 2) Lupin is like 40-50. In the wise words of me, children loving adults was a myth made up by pedophiles in support of the devil. Npot to mention pitting her against Fujiko because they both like Lupin?? I ain’t even gotta explain why that’s a pathetic excuse at writing. But I will. Fujiko is a grown ass woman so why the fuck would she care and Ami is a child who shouldn’t be in love with him anyway. She has truly been nothing in the series except a tool and even at that not a likable one.

Yata: Do I even have to say that I can’t write anything about a man who hasn’t had more than 4 minutes of screen time in the last 24 episodes? He was hyped up before the series started and he’s done nothing but be Zenigata’s personality in the place of Zenigata y’know. Actually speaking and having one for himself BUT WE’LL GET TO THAT LATER. He’s done nothing but yell and cry over literally nothing? Like he fights Zeni’s fights because for some reason Zenigata got super lazy this season (again, we’ll get into that later) and he’s just a pointless character.

Albert: Gay rep for life haha just kidding he was bad at that too. I think they literally introduced him as faux-gay rep because they know the fans wanted more sensitive interactions from their already existing male cast members and they were like ‘well that’s gay so we’ll give them this guy’. And speaking on behalf of myself - ‘I don’t want these’. So Albert shows up, supposedly having a HUGE connection to Lupin’s past and then............we never see him again. And they literally tell us nothing about him except he’s gay and works in the government. Apparently when we say ‘we want gay rep’ they hear ‘very minor gay character??’ and didn’t hear us say ‘no’ back. And every time I hear anyone say 1) ‘well, his connection to Lupin is supposed to be a mystery!’ I can feel hives growing on my skin because i’m allergic to bullshit like if they weren’t gonna tell us the connection, and whatever the connection is didn’t reveal anything new about the character outside of ‘Lupin knew somebody that wasn’t Jigen when he was younger’ then why?? mention it?? why make an entire arc dedicated to not telling us something if the end result was ‘it doesn’t matter who he is’? 2) ‘well they’re obviously cousins’ except they obviously aren’t. if they obviously were, they’d say that they were cousins. like if y’all are digging up bits of the manga from 40 years ago to say ‘there was a character who had the same last name’ but are also out here saying ‘Jigen doesnt have a sister bc they said that over 40 yers ago and haven’t mentioned it since’ then I ain’t got nothing to say to y’all, you’re just dodgy and ain’t worth the stress of talking to. 3) ‘they’re maybe gay’ well the cool thing about gay rep is that we don’t give honourary mentions out for series that were too cowardly to actually come right out and say it. So in conclusion, Albert was written by cowards who couldn’t decide what to do with him.

Enzo: Boring. That’s literally all I have to say. Trying to give him depth by making Ami his daughter was predictable and not at all interesting. To be honest I completely forgot she was looking for her dad anyway because she didn’t seem to care that much about finding him either (or seem to care about anythign really). He’s a shitty villain and every time he speaks I got my finger on the right-key because I don’t care what he has to say and so far I haven’t missed anything good so yeah. Just disappointing.

I think that’s it??? For new characters?? So I’ll move onto the main cast

Jigen: I 👏 WANT 👏 JIGEN 👏 TO 👏 DO 👏 SOMETHING like good fucking God the man hasn’t done anything this whole series up until 24 where he got  5 minute scene dedicated to him killin’ cops (direct action) but like?? As a character he hasn’t progressed he has BARELY spoken and we’ve learned one new thing about him the whole series in the episode where he meets the daughter of a woman he used to work with. And that one thing that we learned was: he used to work with the mother of this girl. That’s it. Episode 24 he got a little bit of dialog with Lupin that I guess was supposed to be like character development but it was so weird because it was kind of directed at the audience?? So it’s like is he talking to me or to Jigen because if I was Jigen I would not have one goddamn clue what he was talking about. Also, he’s so depressing this season?? Right up until now we’ve seen very little personality from him aside from Angry and Complains a Lot. He smiles sometimes sure but like he doesn’t exactly have a lot to smile about this season considering he’s not really in the limelight anymore and is only brought back to foreshadow how much he hates technology and wants to retire. Personally, Jigen is one of my favourite characters and the fact he hasn’t achieved much this series is a big let-down

Goemon: I can’t even imagine how let down Goemon fans feel because again, up until Episode 23 he did nothing. He had an episode where he fell in love?? With a girl?? Disguised as a woman?? For some reason?? It was in one of the throwbacks and I’ll admit that maybe the episode made sense and I probably missed something but to me I had no clue what was going on. ANYWAY like his big scene in the spotlight is 3 episodes before the end of the series (its not like he’s a main character or anything) and he cuts Lupin. Because he thinks that he isn’t really his friend. That’s it that’s the only reason he almost murders his friend. Just kidding the other reason was that it was a half ass attempt at shock value to make sure the audience was still paying attention. They can’t seem to decide this season whether they want Goemon to be edgy or stupid but I think we’ve gotten a greta big helping of both so thanks tms /sarcasm/. They’ve really just dragged his character through the mud this season because he used to be stoic, mysterious, traditionalist but lowkey clumsy guy and then now he’s. I don’t even know how to describe it he’s just become so cutesy and edgy at the same time so we get him cutting Lupin in half right in front of UwU i eat my fish skin first ! I’m quirky ! like what am I supposed to feel about this grown man? He’s really too back-and-forth for me this season

Fujiko: I’M GONNA GET HEATED ABOUT THIS ONE SO BUCKLE UP I’ve never seen Fujiko written this poorly since TWCFM (yes i’m outting that as a bad series too so don’t @ me about that lil tidbit). She’s there as a piece of eyecandy bUT SHE IS SO POORLY DRAWN IT MAKES ME WONDER IF ANYBODY AT TMS HAS EVER SEEN A WOMAN IN THEIR LIFE TIME. Seriously her proportions are so off and outwardly repulsive looking it makes it hard not to skip anything she says in the series on account of how half-ass her character looks. Not limiting herself to being visually repulsive, she also has a half-ass personality. Suddenly Fujiko isn’t the come-and-go as she pleases, mysterious woman that gives Lupin intel on very high security operations she’s just. There. At some point in the series she said ‘a woman’s body is just a tool to get something she needs’ and I wanted to puke this is NOT Fujiko’s character at all and I’m disgusted that they’re brushing her off as a pair of walking talking boobs. Also her absolute lack of empathy is just mind numbing because they’re somehow trying to convince the audience that Lupin broke her heart due to wedding related reasons that still haunt her but? Seeing him cut almost in half does nothing for her? And then she deadpan ‘This is just how it is’ like this is just putting her in such an evil light that I hate because I love Fujiko! In every other season she’s fighty and sarcastic and witty AND NOT JUST THERE FOR EYE CANDY. And going back to the wedding thing, why is this being made into such a big deal? There’s literal episodes in other seasons called ‘Fujiko Doesn’t Look Right in a Wedding Dress’ ‘Fujiko Doesn’t Want to Be Married’ ‘A Ring Is Like a Trap’ like she 👏 don’t 👏 want 👏 to 👏 be 👏 married 👏. And the preview for the next ep shows her in a wedding dress so I’m ultimately preparing myself for the big season finale being them getting married.

hurray.

Final thought on Fujiko being, the episode where she picks up Lupin to save him from succumbing to his crossbow wound (easily the funniest thing thats happened all season) I mean. Yeah it’s kinda cool. I don’t really have any strong feelings about that like I’m not about to praise them for something like that when it was immediately followed by her and Ami slap fighting over him again.

Lupin: In my days of watching Lupin movies/specials my slogan was ‘if the ratio of screen time in the movie between characters is 10:0 in Lupin’s favour then it ain’t a good movie’ and it’s ringing true to this season where it’s all about Lupin. I understand obviously it’s a series called Lupin III like I’m not stupid but the amount of ass kissing to his character is something else like they’re putting him on this huge pedestal like he’s a do-no-wrong kind of guy to the point where he’s boring because he’s done nothing wrong. Ever. He doesn’t argue with anybody he doesn’t have any strong emotions really (outside of that episode where Zenigata loses his memory we see him outwardly angry for a minute). It just makes him such a dry character when they try to mold him into being absolutely flawless and admirable. Also the amount of faking his own death and ‘oh no is he gonna die’ moments are just not entertaining. Like I said earlier when he got shot with the crossbow that was the hardest I’ve laughed in a long long time. It played like an SNL skit (you know what one). And again we aren’t learning anything new. Whose Albert to him!? We never got to know, What’s his relationship to Fujiko!? We’re probably gonna find out they’re getting married last episode after all the touching moments they had together this season like.... like uh.... when they uh... oh right they’ve barely spoken to each other all season. And when they did they were arguing. Love is in the air huh?

Zenigata: AI’ll try to keep this brief but Yata’s taken over his character this season. He’s barely spoken, he has like, NO energy or determination. After the episode where Lupin faked his death (the first time, not the proceeding 90 times) Zenigata just stopped appearing and stopped doing anything productive. If anything his character became an excuse for an info dump. Like oh we see a war torn area whats going on? Zenigata is conveniently nearby to say ‘these people are at war!’ and then outside character will tell a 18 paragraph history on him of whose at war and their history and then Zenigata says ‘okay’ and doesn’t appear again for the next 2 episodes.

Now for the closing thoughts I guess

i don’t know why they’re looking at Lupin having plot as separate from Lupin being episodic. Like they’ve separated him from adventure so he’s just doing the same things over and over again. Not to mention like I said earlier, the fans wanted to see more sensitive interactions between the already existing characters, and if anything, they’re farther apart and just really confusing and contradictory. It’s hard to get through an episode when every week its another ‘great time for another plot arc they’re never gonna finish’. When I watched episodes of Part 1 and 2 and 4 (not so much 3 because i can’t find anywhere to watch it lol) I’m pretty attentive all the way through because the series drops tidbits of information about the characters and they make the episode enjoyable to watch. This season is so dreary and dry I can’t find anything to enjoy about it because it’s just one disappointment after another. I’m trying to to sound bitchy as I type all this out but I mean I’m speaking as a fan who is just really disappointed. I know I’ve said ‘disappointed’ a lot in this whole thing but there isn’t another word to describe it because that’s really the way that I feel about part 5. Seeing my favourite characters on screen is supposed to make me feel happy and excited to see where they’re gonna go and what they’re gonna do not make me think “I hope they don’t ruin this character for me’ in every. single. episode. This season has been underwhelming, unenjoyable, inconsistent and just really exhausting to me overall.

i gotta go eat now so peace out and if you read to the end of all this then hopefully i’m not the only one in this boat but if you don’t agree with me then i guess thats just how it is yeah?

EDIT: I forgot to mention that the callbacks were cool at first but now I just find they’re baiting me into thinking i’ll enjoy the episode because i’ll find something I liked from one of the better seasons in it. They’re just really overused at this point because these callbacks aren’t being used for anything. like ‘lupin is making his plan at the cagliostro castle!’ like. why. ‘detective melon is also angry at lupin!’ but if she isn’t like teaming up with zenigata or actually doing anything to find him why should i care. 

[mary34blog]

The Heaven’s Feel PV Frame by Frame: an Analysis

I would post these types of posts on dreamwidth usually, but inserting pics into your posts is a lot easier on tumblr for me at least, so I’m gonna post it here first.

Note this is only approximately frame by frame. Also spoliers incoming so if you know nothing of Heaven’s Feel or Fate/Stay Night as a whole this is your official spoiler warning, proceed at your own risk.

One last thing, my memories of HF’s plot are quite a bit fuzzy so I may get things wrong. Sorry about that in advance.

Our very first shot of course is the fire. And now I’m already sad, thanks guys! (Seriously whenever I see those flashbacks I get very sad and instantly feel the urge to wrap Shirou in the biggest blanket I can find.)

Following it is the first proper shot of Shirou. I find it interesting that while in UBW they went out of their way to hide his face until his proper introduction but here they actually show it from the get go. Then again this time they don’t have to play fake out with who’s the real protagonist like with the UBW prologue/beginning of ep 1 so there is that. (I admit I’m not sure if that was supposed to be a fake out but it def felt that way.)

There isn’t anything important in this next cap, It’s just my usual ufotable scenery porn appreciation.

Three things:

One, everything about this shot is absolutely breathtaking. No really, this shot is just… beautiful.

Two, I find it amusing how much they go out of their way to make Sakura look as pretty as possible in this scene  especially compared to UBW. Here the UBW version for reference:

While I’m pretty sure this has more to do with the differences in budget, I like to think the peeps at ufotable HQ went “Alright she’s the heroine now, we gotta make her as gorgeous as we can lads!”

Three, let us take a time out to appreciate that this is an exact almost picture perfect replica of the original VN CG, I always love when VN adaptations do this sort of thing.

I am skipping a few scenes here cause I don’t have much to say about them, they are a brief clip from the Archer vs Lancer fight and Saber being dramatic in her yellow raincoat of doom.

The next scene I wanna talk about is of course the now iconic Money ShotTM of the Fate series. It’s always fun to see the different renditions of this scene. Also they somehow added even more fog to it, I didn’t think it was even possible but here we are.

After that we have Sakura walking down the street while being sad, and now I am sad too once again, thanks guys!

And don’t think I didn’t notice how during the closeup she’s slowly covered in shadows as she’s walking forward, ufotable ya sly dogs with your visual foreshadowing.

The next shot is the return of the CGI servant chess pieces. I like how they positioned in a way that they look like they are all reaching towards the black hole in the sky representing the grail, nice touch.

After more Saber-in-a-raincoat-being-dramatic scene we have some more of the Lancer vs. Assasin fight from the previous trailer. I am glad the adaptation gives one last dying moment of awesome to Cu before axing him off unceremoniously right at the first third of the story, cause this is Heaven’s Feel where servants just drop like flies.

Then we get a brief clip from the Rider vs. Saber fight. I find it amusing how much they build up this fight considering from what I remember Saber curb stomps Rider very hard. Then again the scene mostly meant to show off how piss poor of a master Shinji is but still, I can’t wait to see peeps reactions whom haven’t seen or read HF yet to that part, cause this trailer just builds up this big confrontation moment between Shinji and Shirou only for the actual scene being Shinji Gets Owned Exhibit Number 137. Then again Shinji getting owned is good civilization so I approve.

We arrive at Illya’s first proper appearance in the trailer, and sure enough they already headfirst establish her Creepy Child personality. Although I am curious what’s up with them being surrounded with flames.

Then we have Rin, intercut with sad Sakura OH GOD WILL YOU STOP STOMPING ON MY HEART UFOTABLE WAS THE TOUKEN RANBU FINALE NOT ENOUGH FOR YOU ahem. My apologies for that.

So anyway Rin. She looks more antagonistic this time around in some of these shots which kinda makes sense, from what I remember her relationship with Shirou in this route is a bit more strained. It’s still a little sad thought.

Our next sequence is-oh look who it is guys, it’s the golden arsehole himself! God I am so glad you get killed off early this time around.

Also that shocked look in Sakura’s eyes makes me worried GILGAMESH YOU MOTHERFUCKER I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU HURT MY CHILD I END YOUR ENTIRE EXISTENCE YOU SON OF A BITCH ahem, excuse me I lost my composure again. Gee I need to stop doing that.

And speaking of motherfuckers, hi Shinji! Can’t wait to see you die a horrible crushing death either thought sadly that’s farther away. (God his face looks so punchable here.)

Hi Caster! Can’t wait for you to make me cry again! (God people die left and right in this route holly hell.) Also you know there’s gonna be trouble when you can see Caster’s eyes.

And speaking of trouble, this transitions us into the teasing of the grand appearance of The Shadow itself. I like how during the scenes it’s shown the screen briefly glitches out into a static, as if the eldricht nature of it affects the trailer as well. It’s also obscures it enough to make these otherwise spoilery scenes a lot less spoilerish.

Oh shit, Sakura is pissed. I can’t really recall which scene this could be but I def find this familiar from somewhere.

And here’s Archer the One Scene Wonder. After him pretty much being the "true heroine” so to speak in UBW it’s quite amusing to see him get like one second of footage in the trailer.

I… I think I know which scene is it and I am not ready GOD SOMEBODY GIVE EMIYA A HUG JEEBUS

I have no commentary for this one, it’s just a very pretty shot.

Okay this brief handholding scene is actually kinda sweet, I may not ship you two but I like this bit, it’s wholesome.

I am not sure when this scene is supposed to take place, but I like that pink jacket she has.

Final shot before the title and gee if it isn’t the most massive foreshadowing ever. Well time to prepare for the suffering everyone!

In all honesty I really liked this trailer, it’s a nice balance between getting the newcomers hyped and play with their expectations but also shows some more spoilery content and foreshadowing to longtime fans without actually spoiling too much.

[tishinada]

So, I don’t do OTPs, and there’s a reason for that. TBH, I’m not sure I have ever gotten the popularity of the idea to begin with. But while it’s harmless enough with fictional characters (theoretically - too many people don’t seem to stop with it being their own opinions and become vicious about it to other fans or to writers who have their own ideas) it is NOT harmless in real life.

First, people who try to find that perfect person, the one who matches them exactly from the very start, etc. tend to pass up people they might be very happy with. And I’m not talking about the “just give him a chance” you hear so often with the Nice Guys(tm.) If a man or woman doesn’t interest you, does nothing for you, makes your skin crawl, DON’T ignore your instincts. Never try to make yourself believe you feel something you don’t.

But it isn’t just potentially harmful to yourself. If you want to fritter away your life waiting for some perfect, instantaneous connection, that’s your business. But I’ve seen people put this idea on others...and that’s a burden you have no right to place on anyone else.

The example that comes to my mind is someone I knew. Friends, though not particularly close to him and his then wife. Everyone talked about how in love they were, what a perfect couple they made (btw, although I have no reason to think they weren’t an almost perfect couple, never assume what you see publicly is what goes on behind closed doors.) And both were incredibly sweet and kind people.

You can probably guess where this is leading. There was a car accident. My friend survived. She didn’t. It wasn’t his fault, but he was driving, and he was trapped in the car until they pulled him out, with his visibly dead wife next to him (I won’t go into details.) It was horrible and tragic, and anyone with any tiny shred of empathy can imagine that he was carrying a load of guilt, not to mention nightmares, after that. And immediately, I began hearing people talking about how the two of them had been like swans, mated for life, etc. With the clear expectation that this young (mid-30s) man would never, EVER fall in love again and would mourn his dead wife forever in a sort of tragic love fairy tale ending.

And that made me angry. NO ONE has the right to try to put that burden on anyone else. And in fact people who were in a happy marriage have a good chance of remarrying and being happy again (please don’t quote me the exceptions...there are NO hard and fast rules.) So I began speaking up. Mind you, this was maybe a week after the funeral, and I offended people because, after all, she was barely in the grave. Some listened, though, and rethought what they were doing (I hope.)

He mourned. And then he moved on, met someone else, fell in love and remarried about 3 years after her death. The woman who died was known for being sweet, funny, kind, and very even tempered. His second wife was constantly compared to her, and suffered for it. She did have a temper and could be quite sarcastic with people (who often deserved it.) Some people blamed him for not living up to their idea of a perfect love and dying alone and miserable. Some blamed the second wife as if she was some evil queen from a Disney movie. Others were just waiting for it to fall apart because obviously it wasn’t a perfect match (that OTP the first wife had been.) Very few people were able to just be happy for them and try to be supportive.

He loved her. Which should have been all that mattered. But the stress that was laid on them and their marriage finally led to them walking away and breaking most contact with that circle of friends. I don’t know what happened to them and if it worked out. If it didn’t, those expectations and extra guilt people placed on both of them probably had a lot to do with it. Me? I just hope both of them are happy, whatever happened.

This is why I am profoundly uncomfortable with the idea of OTPs. It’s a fun idea in fiction...if you keep that idea in check. The idea of someone living alone and grieving forever is a lovely tragic romance in a story to wallow in for an hour or two. It is devastating when you bind it on someone in real life and want them to play out that story for you.

[a-daydreamers-stories]

Happy @ineedthesons (This one is slightly longer)

103) She’s my daughter, I can read her diary

132) I have reasons. You wouldn’t get it.

Happy’s POV

My daughter and old lady are the best things that ever happened in my life. 20 years with my old lady and our baby, Lucy, just turned 19. I loved being a dad and my baby and I had a great relationship until recently. She was at college not far from the house so she still lived at home but lately she seemed to be a million miles away.

In the past few months she had started coming home late during the weeks and on the weekends she was hardly home at all. Every time I tried to hang out with her she got this guilty look on her face and made up an excuse. She also was extra protective over her diary since her weird behavior started happening. I mean ever since she got her first one when she was 12 she had been protective over her private thoughts but lately she was extra protective over it. We had always had an open relationship though so I never felt the need to check her diary before now.

I talked to my old lady about it and she said that she was probably just dating someone new and didn’t want us to meet them yet because I “scare people off.” I am not as sure, she would of told us if she was seeing someone one, unless she knew I was going to be angry about it. Which means it was someone really bad which I definitely need to know about. At least that was my line of reasoning for what I was doing now. I had her diary in my hands and was playing with the spine. She must of dropped it out of her bag before leaving for school because I found it on the floor next to the couch.

I had been debating on opening and reading it for the past half an hour. I mean what if she’s doing drugs? What if she’s hurting herself? What if someone is hurting her? With that thought I opened the diary. I flipped to a couple months ago when the weird behavior started happening.

Dear Diary,

I’m not a 100 percent sure how it happened but I know that I don’t regret it. I don’t regret any of it, not the way it felt, not the way he made me feel, none of it. He says that it can’t happen again and I know he’s right but fuck I want it to. I want to feel his hands on me again, I want to feel him inside me again. I know he feels guilty and I do too slightly but dad won’t find out.

The door opened and I jumped and closed the diary. I leaned on the counter so my arms were covering it. My old lady rounded the corner and smiled at me.

“Hey baby,” She came over and kissed me. She looked at me and frowned. “What did you do?”

“What makes you think I did something?” I asked defensively.

“Your eyebrow twitches when you feel guilty.” She told me. I cursed her for knowing me so well no one else would of picked up on that. I slowly stood up and nodded to the counter. Her eyes widen and she gasped as she saw the diary. She smacked me hard in the arm.

“Hey!” I said.

“What the hell are you doing reading that!?” She asked with an angry look in her eyes.

“She’s my daughter, I can read her diary!” I told her.

“No you can’t! It’s an invasion of privacy!” She yelled at me.

“She fucked someone!” I blurted out. Her eyes widen again.

“Do you… do you know who?” She asked. I shook my head.

“Did you know?” I asked. Those two shared everything.

“No, as far as I knew she was still a virgin.” She said sadly.

“This guy took her virginity!?” I asked angrily.

“She’s fucking 19, Hap. Be happy she’s not 14.” She told me. I grumbled and grabbed the diary again. I flipped to the next page. “Fuck Hap, you are on your own for this.” My old lady shook her head and walked away.

Dear Diary,

He couldn’t keep his eyes away off me. They followed wherever I went and I couldn’t help tease him. If he wasn’t going to do anything but look then he was going to suffer. I understand why he doesn’t want to do it again, I know he thinks he betrayed my dad but I can also see the way he looks at me. The hunger in them, I feel the same way.

My eyebrows furrowed. Betrayed me? Was it a Son that was fucking her? One of my brothers? A mechanic at TM? My hands shook at the idea of it. I turned to the next page.

Dear Diary,

I wore a short skirt and no panties today. When he realized that all of his willpower went out the window. He nearly took me on the fucking bar. This time after we were done, he refused to let me leave and pulled me close to cuddle me. I never expected him to be sweet with me, I thought it was just sex. Eventually I settled in his arms and he kissed me softly. I don’t know what this means but I won’t overanalyze it for now.

I sighed angrily and moved a month ahead in the diary.

Dear Diary,

God he treats me like a princess. I never expected this, it was just supposed to be a one night stand. Well after that I needed more and so did he. He asked me to be his girl a couple days ago. I told him that I’d need to think but I know now I’m going to say yes, especially after last night. He made me dinner and afterwards he pulled me close and we slow danced. After the song ended he made love to me. It was soft and sweet. I think I’m falling for him…

I rubbed a hand over my head and bit my lower lip as I moved to the next page.

Dear Diary,

I told him that I’d be his girl. He was so fucking happy that he kissed me out in the open. We just about got caught by Bobby when he did. When we were alone again, he said he wanted to let people know. He wanted us to actually be together instead of this sneaking around shit. I honestly wanted that too but dad would kill him. I didn’t want him to get hurt because of me. Dad wouldn’t understand though.

I clenched and unclenched my fists. Fuck! Can she just write his fucking name! I flipped to the next month to one of the most recent pages.

Dear Diary,

He brought up telling my dad again. We both feel so guilty about it but I know it’s safer if dad doesn’t find out. I love dad but I love him too. Maybe I should end it. If we’re only ever can be a secret is it worth it. Fuck I don’t know anymore. Everything is confusing.

It was my fault that she was hiding all this. But I don’t blame her for hiding it. I’m itching to kill whoever this is. I turned to the next page which was the newest one.

Dear Diary,

I’m going to end it today. I can’t put the pressure on him to keep us a secret. Every since I made this decision, my stomach has been twisted and in pain. I feel sick and I want to cry. I cried myself to sleep last night. We’ve only been together for a month but we’ve been friends for so much longer. He’s always been there and I can’t stand the thought of him not wanting anything to do with me anymore. I love Tig…

The diary dropped out of my hands. Tig.. Tig… Tig!? Fucking God! I walked out the door, slamming it behind me. I jumped on my bike and raced to the clubhouse. I parked and walked inside.

“Tig!?” I yelled as I went into the clubhouse. I looked around and everyone was staring at me like I had lost my mind. “Where is he!?”

“His dorm.” Bobby said. I stomped back there and knocked hard on the door.

“Coming!” Tig yelled. As soon as the door was opened big enough I grabbed him by his shirt and threw him into the wall. I heard the other guys start running down the hall at the crash but I didn’t care. I was so pissed at him. I grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and lifted him off the ground slightly before I start punching his face over and over. I knew the guys had stopped at the doorway and were watching what was happening but none of them made a move to stop it. Probably because they knew I’d turn on them if they did.

“Dad! Dad! Fuck someone stop him please!” I heard Lucy yell. She pleaded with the guys for another minute before I felt arms start to drag me away from Tig. It took Opie, Chibs, Jax, and Clay to rip me away from Tig. Tig spit some blood out of his mouth and sighed.

“I’m sorry brother.” He said. He knew why I did it and before I could tear out of my brother’s arms, Lucy jumped in front of me.

“Dad, please. It’s not his fault.” She said.

“It’s not, really?” I growled.

“It’s mine, he wanted to stop after the first time and he wanted to tell you when it did continue. I’m the one that wouldn’t let him.”  She told me.

“He still should of! You both should of!” I yelled.

“I know but with the way you are acting now can you blame us!” She yelled back. That shut me up. She did have a point. I stopped fighting the guys hold on me and shrugged them off.

“Do you love her?” I asked Tig who was getting off the ground. He nodded slightly and he grimaced in pain which gave me a sense of satisfaction.

“Yeah I love her a lot, brother.” He told me.

“You hurt her and brother or not, I’ll kill you.” I told him.

“You’ll have to get in line behind me dad.” Lucy said with a smile as she came over and hugged me.

“I don’t like this or understand it but I guess if he’s what you want.” I said with a shrug.  

“I have my reasons.You wouldn’t get it.” Lucy said with a giggle and kissed my cheek before going over and checking on Tig. I looked at the rest of the guys who all had similar looks of what the fuck is happening on their faces. I chuckled and walked out of the dorm. Now I had to go face my old lady who was definitely going to yell at me for the trouble I’ve caused today.

~ @dolphingoddess81 and @juiceboxxortiz Thanks for the help guys!~

[marauders70s]

Number 1,753 I guess. Can you do a drabble involving the marauders, centered around Remus the Mom Friend(tm)?

HELL YES I love Moomy! @suffering-trashcan (sorry everyone whose drabbles I forgot to tag 0.o)

Sixth Year, November 1977

“Not strong this,” James hiccuped loudly, “…stuff.”

“Not at all,” agreed Sirius, draining the last of the Firewhiskey. 

Peter was snoring on the tabletop in the Three Broomsticks. He was drawing a lot of stares.

“You-you’re lucky,” slurred Sirius, “That I t-turned seven. Seventeen. Seventeen I mean. You know? I turned seventeen first and now I’m old enough to…to…”

“Yeah,” agreed James, sloppily shoving his glasses up his nose with the flat of his hand. They were very smudgy and he was peering through them as if he wasn’t sure why things were so blurred. He kept touching the lenses to make sure they were still there, and leaving more fingerprints. 

“For Merlin’s sake, please keep your voices down,” moaned Remus. “Students aren’t supposed to be drinking.”

“Y-y-you were drinking,” giggled James. As usual, his voice was not anyone’s idea of an indoor voice, a quirk that was not unique to his current inebriation. James was, in the simplest of terms, loud.

“Twas not,” Sirius argued. He was bright red, but seemed to at least be stable. James was weaving in his chair like a top-heavy flower in a strong wind. “R-Remus he didn’t drink…didn’t drink…didn’t you know? Didn’t…he just went -” he gave a strangled choke.

“I did not,” Remus snapped, a little miffed. “I’ve been choking down much fouler stuff than this my whole life.”

“Really?” It was Lily, and the immediate reactions of the four created a loud cacophony of sound that drew every eye in the Three Broomsticks. 

Sirius yelped a war cry of triumph, something between “AAAIOOOO and HEYYYYYYOOO.” James shrieked and fell from his chair trying to sit on his hands. Peter woke up when James hit the legs of his chair with a gigantic snort and an indignant “HEY!” And Remus, who had truthfully only had enough to make him feel dizzy and quickly stopped, flushed a brilliant ivory that Lily of all people had approached the table. He might have even handled anyone better…except perhaps Professor McGonagall. 

“Really?” Lily sighed while she surveyed the table, Sirius not at all subtly tucking the square bottle into his jacket under one armpit. It slipped from his grasp and clattered to the floor. He swooped it back up under his other armpit and pulled his leather jacket closed over his school sweater, his grin a glitter of white in a sea of red.

“Did you really expect different?” Remus said, trying to laugh a little. His ears were so painful from the blush he thought they would fall off. 

“From them?” Lily gestured at James and Sirius. James had crawled up to his chair only to discover someone was sitting in it. He and Sirius were now having a heated argument whose chair it was, while James tried to pull him out of it. “No. From you and Peter? Yes.”

“I’m not drunk,” Remus said quickly. “Somebody’s got to wrangle this lot.”

“You’re trying to get them outside?” Lily asked.

Remus nodded. He gestured her forward. “Are you going to-”

Lily drew back, affronted. “First of all you have been drinking! Remus Lupin, a prefect!”

Remus ducked his head guiltily, but Lily only laughed. 

“And come on Remus, we’re friends. I wouldn’t tell. I’m a prefect, not an asshole.”

Remus, who had grown up hearing Sirius swear since he was twelve years old, still blushed when Lily said it, and laughed awkwardly. “Thanks.”

“I can’t help you get them back to school,” Lily said. “Just outside. I have to go meet Mary and Alice at Scrivenshaft’s to pick out our planners for January.”

“Of course,” Remus agreed at once. “Just outside. Away from people,” he stressed.

“Come on, Peter,” Lily said kindly, tugging Peter’s arm. He had fallen into a stupor, eyes glazed over. He tried to stand, staggered back into the chair, knocked the chair over, and was only saved a rough tumble by Lily’s hand on his arm. She quickly took him out first.

“Where’s Wormy going?” James demanded loudly.

Remus sighed, but tried to fix a smile to his face. “We’re having a snowball fight outside,” he said cheerfully. “Want to come?”

“RACE YOU!” bellowed James, and bolted from his chair. He weaved a very circuitous and uneven route to the door but managed it all on his own.

“Padfoot?” Remus asked in a low voice.

Sirius only grinned. “Don’t be stupid,” he said briskly, and stood quite steadily. “You think this is going to stop me? You should have seen what Mum put in Reggie’s and my milk bottles to get us to sleep.”

He left Remus gaping after him, his arm awkwardly bulky over the square bottle. Remus quickly recovered himself and followed. Outside, he could see James sprinting after Lily calling, “WAIT! EVANS! WAIT FOR ME!” It was normal enough behavior for James, though Remus knew he’d be mortified when he sobered up.

Remus and Sirius walked forward. Sirius only staggered the slightest bit over the icy and uneven terrain, but was mostly steady. He had a strange, fixed grin to his face that made Remus uneasy, but he didn’t comment on it. Lily was waiting with Peter, who was shivering and looking distinctly miserable, his round face pale and sweating. James had dived headfirst into a snowdrift and was making snowballs as fast as his bare hands could make them. Remus reflected it was lucky his mum had spelled his gloves to be unloseable as James was so absentminded. 

“Are you going to be okay?” Lily asked, watching James with a mixture of disgust and helpless amusement. 

Remus smiled, more to himself than for her. Sometimes Lily couldn’t quite hide how she was starting to feel about James, even if James was oblivious to it.

“Evans, hey, Evans,” he kept saying. “Come play. You want to play? We can be on the same team? Or not, whatever you want. But I’m really good. Like really good. Good. Good at snowballs. You know? Quidditch. Quidditch snow. Like, I’m amazing.”

“Yeah,” Remus coughed into a fist to hide his amusement. “We’ll be okay.”

“Right then,” said Lily, backing away and laughing in spite of herself at James’ weak armed throw in her direction. It missed by a good five feet. “Good luck with this…and see you for rounds later?”

“Course.”

“You will give me the drunk Potter blow by blow?”

Remus smiled to himself again. “Every embarrassing detail,” he promised.

As Lily walked back toward the main avenue in the village, James still demanding she come back and play, Remus turned first to Peter. 

“Can you transform?”

“Huh?” Peter was in a daze, his blue eyes streaming in the cold. His nose was red, lips swollen from the alcohol. 

“Transform into Wormtail?”

“Yeah. Yeah I can do it.” He stood there, staring bewilderedly at Remus.

Remus sighed, but put a hand on Peter’s shoulder. “Peter. Pete.”

Peter looked at him again. “Huh?”

“Transform into the rat.”

“Right now?”

“Yes,” repeated Remus patiently. “Right now.”

There was a long moment when nothing happened, then Peter was shrinking as Remus had seen him do dozens of times before. Remus stepped in front of him, shielding him from view though they were around the bend on the edge of town. In a moment, the rat was in front of him, shivering uncontrollably. Remus picked him up and put him in his inner robe pocked by his right hip. By the way the rat went limp next to his body heat, it was evident Peter had fallen asleep. 

“You good?” he asked Sirius. Sirius had climbed over James’ snowbank and was leaning against the fence. 

“Yeah. Course I am,” he said, but his face looked green. Without warning he turned over the fence and vomited a shockingly bright orange sludge into the snow, where it hissed on impact.

“Great,” said Remus. “Perfect. Well, better in the snow than anywhere else.”

“I’m fine,” Sirius repeated weakly. He was clutching his stomach. 

“I need you to stick with me,” Remus said, bending to the snow where James was soaking wet and shivering, finally realizing there would be no snowball fight. He crushed his waiting pile of snowballs childishly with an angry swipe of his fist. 

“Can you get up?” he asked James.

James bounded up so fast he cracked into Remus, who straightened up, wincing as James bellowed, writhing on his back in the snow in a weird mimicry of a snow angel. Watching them, Sirius vomited again. 

“Come here!” demanded Remus, pulling James’ arm over his own, taller shoulder. “We’re going home.”

“Don’t want to,” said James bitterly. His glasses were hanging off one ear. Remus plucked them from his face and put them in his own pocket.

“I can’t see!” James yelled. “I’ve gone blind!”

Remus closed his eyes, praying to any old god they’d been talking about in History of Magic that he wouldn’t be cracking James’ skull again in the next hour.

“Sirius, come on. We’re going now.”

Miserable now, Sirius followed a little ways behind as Remus and James started trudging their way up to the castle. It was a good thing that Remus was carrying the bag, which had James’ invisibility cloak inside, because after a miserable twenty minutes of Sirius groaning that he would die, and James insisting he was fine and he wanted to walk on his own (only to promptly slip and fall), they stopped a little ways away. 

“Silencio,” Remus tapped James’ mouth and James opened it to bellow belligerently once again, but nothing came out. Remus quickly took out James’ invisibility cloak, wrapped him in it, and fastened the ends in place with a mild sticking charm. He left the very smallest wisp of James’ flyaway black hair out of the cloak; impossible to see if you weren’t looking for it. With another spell, locomotor mortis, he levitated the invisible, thrashing, silent James. 

“Come on,” he said to Sirius, who was no longer red but ashen grey. “We’ve got to get upstairs. Taking the arm James had been hanging on the whole way, he slung it under Sirius’ shoulder as they reentered the castle, the young caretaker Argus Filch parked in a chair by the entrance, eyeing students suspiciously. 

“What’s wrong with him, then?” Filch asked Remus. 

“Bad meat pasty,” he replied hastily, hauling Sirius up the grand staircase. He had a funny feeling Filch would try to follow them, and he was sure to smell Sirius within ten feet of him. The odor of whiskey was unmistakable. 

It was a good thing they had spent so much time on their marvelous map, because it helped Remus navigate to the most isolated, little used corridors, even though the moving staircases made Sirius retch. On the first occasion, Remus pulled Sirius’ wand out of his jacket pocket and vanished the pool of sick, using two wands in two hands. He didn’t bother giving it back, as he had to repeat the vanishing charm several more times until they made it to the Seventh Floor. The common room, thankfully, was mostly empty, though James accidentally collided with the chandelier because Remus wasn’t paying attention, looking casually at the faces of the younger students staring openly at them.

Sirius bolted up the stairs to the first bathroom on the boys side of the dormitory. Remus passed him on the first turn of the staircase, still levitating James. Up, up, and up they went to the highest level to their attic dormitory. Up another narrow, ladderlike staircase, and Remus finally settled James on the floor, or so he guessed by the piece of his hair. He undid the sticking charm and pulled the invisibility cloak off of him. James was brick red in the face and still swearing silently. 

“Are you going to yell? If you are, I’ll just leave it on.”

James closed his mouth, but finally shook his head.

“All right then.” Remus took the silencing charm off of him. James sat up on the floor, looking around.

“The floor’s gone all…all weird,” he said, right before his eyes rolled up in his head, and he passed out from his thrashing exertions. 

Sighing, Remus went over and pulled off James’ coat and robes, sending them to hang up with a silent spell. He was quite good at the household ones, but was still learning the others. Taking off James’ shoes and belt by hand, he used magic to get James into his bed and under the covers. He carefully took his glasses out of an inner pocket and placed them on James’ nightstand Remus pulled the hangings shut and put the rat Wormtail his own bed. Wormtail was fast asleep, so Remus shook him until Wormtail squeaked indignantly. 

“Change back,” Remus commanded. 

Wormtail ignored him, trying to turn back in a circle, finding warmth to go back to sleep.

Remus picked the rat up. “Change back.”

A few more indignant squeaks and thrashes until it occurred to Peter that it might just be easier to do as Remus suggested. Remus quickly let go when the half-morphed Peter became too heavy to hold. He fell to the bed and landed heavily, human again. Peter managed to struggle out of his own shoes and clothes fairly well, and Remus only pulled the covers up to his chin and shut the hangings. 

He went in search of Sirius, and found him a few stairs short of their room, green and holding his stomach, his face pinched. He had managed to hold onto the firewhiskey bottle up until now, and Remus helped him up with an arm under his, taking the bottle from him gently. He got Sirius into bed and managed to find a few spare potions in his own nightstand for the days leading up to the full moon. He gave Sirius a stomach settler made primarily of dandelions, and spiked it with a dash of a sleeping draft. It did the trick. Sirius blinked hazily, laid his head back on his pillow, and was asleep before Remus finished drawing the curtains.

Peter began to snore again, and sighing, Remus left the dormitory to go back down to the commons. To his surprise, the chairs by the fire were empty. He moved to one gratefully; he was more chilled than he had thought, and smiled when Lily peered around the edge of the armchair. 

“You did all right,” she said with a grin. 

“Thanks,” Remus said, flopping into the chair with a groan and closing his eyes in the warmth of the flames. He was more tired than he had realized. There were several long moments while they sat quietly, listening to the bustle of the Commons behind them. Remus realized he was drifting farther and farther from wakefulness, but it didn’t worry him. He just listened idly as the world around him slowly faded, but didn’t miss the last thing Lily said.

“You’ll make a great dad.”

[come-join-themurder]

Obsessive - Part 17

The Reader gets advice from Gemma. Afterwards, she and Juice return home for the evening. (This will be multi parts so check back for my next installment. As always, if you want to be notified of my updates just let me know and I will message you when I post new chapters) **Disclaimer: I do not suffer from OCD so I cannot begin to imagine what it is like. Any and everything that I am writing is what I’ve learned from people I know and the internet as well as asking advice from friends who know more about it than me. If anything is wrong or inaccurate of someone with OCD, please excuse my ignorance, as I said I am asking questions to help with the descriptions but I’m sure I will get something wrong eventually.

Juice Ortiz x Reader

(GIF isn’t mine)

____________________________

Gemma smiled to you slyly, “I knew he liked you too,” she spoke and you groaned, dropping a couple invoices in the appropriate file. In the middle of describing the events of last night, obviously leaving out the bit about the door and eerie feeling you got, you had shooed her out of your way so you could tidy up around her office. “Yeah but Dad told him to stay away from me and he is afraid of Jax too,” you whined, taking a stack of papers and thumbing through them.

“I can handle Clay,” Gemma said matter-of-factly, “you do what’s right for you, baby.” she told you as she wrapped her arm around your shoulders and kissed your cheek. You smiled back to her. You never expected her to approve of a relationship between you and one the Sons, and you especially didn’t expect Gemma to go as far as running interference or getting between Clay and the target of his aggression.

“I’m tellin’ ye Juicey… He’s no’ here… He must’ve gotten a key or picked the lock,” Chibs sighed, closing the hallway closet door and facing his tan-skinned brother. “The Prospects were outside all night,” Juice replied, rubbing his hands over his mohawk. “They probably fell asleep Juice, did ye really think anyone but you would stay up all night? Hell you fell asleep an’ you got a better reason than any o’ us to stay up,” he clapped Juice roughly on the shoulder, “Let’s get outta here brotha. I’ll talk to Clay about posting Hap out here tonight.” Chibs walked to the door and opened it, standing and waiting as Juice grabbed his laptop and followed along.

The rest of the day dragged on slowly, Juice had showed back up to TM in your car with Chibs following on his bike at around lunch time and they both went into the clubhouse. He retired immediately to the bedroom at the back of the clubhouse, shrugging out of his kutte, restoring his computer from the backup he did last and reinstalling the programs that had been deleted before launching his assault again on the security cameras around the apartment complex. He set the laptop down on the desk and plopped back on the bed.  It smelled like pussy and cigarettes, the sheets probably hadn’t been changed in a couple days which around here was enough time to get them really nasty, but he didn’t care. He just needed somewhere to lay low and pretend to sleep for a couple hours. 

His mind was full of thoughts, mostly involving you, as his arms were folded up behind his head and the tattoos on his arm stretched as he flexed and relaxed his biceps. He snapped out of his daydream when there was a knock at the door. His head jerked to look at the clock which read 6:45. He had been laying there thinking for over 6 hours.  

“Holy shit,” he whispered to himself as he got up to open the door.

He grasped the doorknob and pulled open the door only to be face to face with you smiling back at him, “Hey, its getting kinda late,” you spoke, leaning against the door frame. “Yeah, sorry, I lost track of time,” he answered, turning around and grabbing his kutte and pulling it on before turning back to you, “Wanna get outta here?” he asked as he walked back to the door, stepping out into the hallway with you. You looped your arm through his and grinned back at him, “I’m damn ready, Gemma’s office is a mess, the bar is a mess, I’m losing my mind here.”

When you made it home you collaborated on dinner, inviting Happy and the prospects inside to eat. It was crazy how these menacing characters gathered around your dinner table had become so close to you, but especially Juice. The two of you had gone from being just coworkers, to just friends, and now whatever this was, where you kiss him and he sleeps in your bed, in a relatively short period of time. Compared to guys like Bobby and Opie who had been around your whole life, Juice had only been around a few years. You relished the family that you all had become.

Dinner ended relatively quickly, when you put home cooked food in front of a bunch of bikers that live off of cigarettes and booze it tends to disappear fast, so Happy and the other guys were out the door pretty quickly, leaving you and Juice alone to clean up the kitchen. 

Typical, you thought with a smile, gathering up the plates and heading to the sink. Juice stepped in front of you, taking the plates out of your hands, “I got this, (Y/N),” he offered and you shook your head, “No its okay, you’re my guest, go relax, I’ll take care of this,” you argued back, trying to nudge him out of your way.

“I’m not a guest, (Y/N), I’m a guardian,” he chuckled, “Go shower and by the time you’re out I’ll be done and we can watch a movie or something,” he insisted as he turned on the water and grabbed the sponge from the sink. 

Realizing that he wasn’t going to give in and let you at least help, you stalked away to wash up, excited at the thought of curling up with this handsome man on the couch to watch a movie. 

You stepped out of the shower and pulled on pajama pants and a tee shirt, walking back to the kitchen just as Juice was putting away the last plate in the cabinet. He turned to you, he could smell the mixture of your shampoo and body wash in the air as you entered and it made him weak. “Ready for that movie?” you asked delightedly. “Yep,” he answered, watching as your hair dripped water your white tee shirt, “Is it okay with you if I shower first?” he asked, wiping his hands off on the hand towel in your kitchen.

“Of course. I wanted to vacuum and wipe down the counters before I settled down anyway” you motioned with your hands to shoo him away, “Fresh towels in the hall closet,” you added as he walked out of the kitchen and down the hall.

Juice grabbed one of the clean towels out of the closet, stopping to pick up a few that had fallen from the overhead shelf where they were kept and return them to their rightful place, before retreating to the bathroom.

[janiedean]

What do you think of the whole Dylan Roof being sentenced to death situation and Incblackbird getting hate for being against it?

haha I got two questions in one ;)

okay so premise: I have zero sympathy for the guy. I have in general zero sympathy for mass murderers even more so if they’re beyond rehabilitation (not that mass murderers are in general, so). as far as I’m concerned they should put him in jail, throw away the key and let him enjoy a very long life behind bars since the idiot is younger than I am and he definitely would have a long life expectance - too bad.

that said: I am also in any way, shape or form against death penalty. I don’t think it’s anything that should go on in a civil country, I entirely disagree on its value as *anything* since risking it doesn’t prevent anyone from committing crimes and I think that the chance someone innocent might die for it isn’t worth the chance of killing actual culprits. also I think the old testament is old fucking news, enlightenment has been a thing for ages and killing someone in retribution for whatever it is they did just feeds into a mindset that has to die. we can’t think that if someone kills someone then you kill them in return and you evened the slate - like it’s the same concept as ‘you stole some bread so I cut your hand’. like. it’s the 21st century. death penalty is sickening and unacceptable under any fucking pov and before someone asks me no, if someone I loved was murdered I would not want the murdered killed, I’d want them punished properly. as in: life sentences are a thing. (and before you tell me that it costs to keep someone in prison for all their life, don’t worry it also costs to kill them. I remember some newspaper article a while ago saying that in california they were considering doing away with the death penalty because it cost too much rather than for ethical reasons. haha.)

so: the dude should have been thrown in jail for life as far as I’m concerned but not put to death and not because he doesn’t **deserve** it but because killing people out of retribution doesn’t make you any better than them, because it’s just flat-out morally wrong and there’s a hell of a lot of different ways you can go about punishing someone. never mind that the US system works so well that… okay, story: once I signed an amnesty petition for a guy who spent twenty years in trials for a death sentence when evidence against him was either inconclusive or tampered with and they basically asked for signatures to send the state governor to give him a last appeal. the state governor also did not sign it and the guy died. since then I get links to similar petitions in my inbox and like every month or so I get something of the kind and it’s 90% black people convicted during the eighties in either questionable circumstances or without 100% foulproof evidence who get killed anyway. even if it’s not even sure they did it. like I’d be against it even if I was guaranteed that no innocents get axed but innocents have been axed in that way since ages (SACCO AND VANZETTI *COUGH*) and given that then there’s ppl like that former texas governor asshole who actually build their campaign on how many people were put to death under their administration and therefore don’t lift fingers to save the ones who might actually be innocent excuse me but lol I’m not ever agreeing with anything that comes out of it. and before anyone tells me that I’m empathizing with him rather than the families’ victims: no. I don’t give two fucks about this guy and I don’t think he deserves to walk out free or to not be punished, but you don’t kill people legally period. to me it’s just abhorrent as a general concept.

also: people on the tag going like OMG I’M SO HAPPY THAT HIS BRAIN IS GONNA FIZZLE are fucking sociopaths. like excuse me but if the concept of seeing someone die on an electric chair makes you burst in joy and cheer, I don’t wanna be near you ever. like it’s some of the most disgusting shit you could come up with - like idek if these people know what actually it implies that one person’s brain *fizzles* (I’ve seen enough movies/documentaries to have an idea) but it’s nothing exciting. and there’s nothing to be happy about because anyone who gets killed like that is a failure of a) the society that produced them/their family/their background if they’re guilty and b) a complete travesty if they’re not. like the bare idea that you’d rejoice at the prospect of seeing someone die in that way (at least if they shoot at you it’s over in a moment) is just… completely abhorrent to me? (also I personally have Issues TM with executions, like I can’t watch executions in general without feeling sick or crying my eyes out even if I don’t give a damn about who’s getting executed or whether they did anything wrong to end up there or not, so. again: it’s not even empathy. once I watched a movie where a fairly disgusting person who kidnapped/abused children was condemned to death and I hated the guy’s guts and I still cried when he got hanged because I can’t fucking literally watch people die slowly/executed. so.) wow idk my first thought would be ‘how do we avoid anything like that happening again’, not ‘HAHAHAHA THEY’RE GETTING THEIR DUE I HOPE THEY SUFFER’. like. wow. outstanding human being there. stay away from me thanks.

re incblackbird getting hate: I’m entirely not surprised that on a supposedly **progressive positions** website like tumblr aspires to be people are actually in favor of the death penalty even if like any left wing party deserving of that name is technically against it but like if people don’t get that not wanting death penalty in general doesn’t automatically mean approving of someone’s crimes then idek what to say but jfc people need to go to the nearest amnesty international building and do some volunteer work or something and stop being fucking sociopaths because seriously one thing is not being sad that the guy’s gonna die which I can more or less understand in theory but actually rejoicing in the fact doesn’t make you really much of a better human being than someone who, uh, most probably rejoiced in actually killing people. /two cents

[takiki16]

DESPERATE WORDVOMIT THAT NO ONE ASKED FOR ABOUT MY FEELINGS RE: Disney’s Mulan (1998) and how formative and comforting it was for me re: growing up Chinese-American and having a Chinese family for the benefit of no one but my fevered brain, who has tried to scroll past this post about 6 times and failed each time:

I am not and have never been punk, and I absolutely don’t understand its depth as a term or its various subcultures (none of which I wish to disrespect).  But for purposes of DESPERATE WORDVOMIT I shall be using the word “punk” as a word which expresses a general sense of rebelliousness against an established system (especially a governmental or parental one).  

I don’t think Mulan is “punk” in the sense that the heroine herself would not want to be described as such?  And I myself never conceived of Mulan in terms of punk-ness.  But I can understand why people would apply that label?  Even though I would never use it?

There is this certain way I took Mulan to my heart as Representation For Me (TM).  You have a girl, and she is young and Chinese.  Her parents love her very much, and she knows that they love her, even though they might not understand her completely.  This is not in doubt.

But the thing is, her parents and her society expect pretty much One Certain Thing for her, defined fairly narrowly.  In Mulan, it was to marry well and “bring honor to us all” (gawd, I would walk to class with a bunch of ABC friends, and yelling the phrase at each other before an exam was common and acceptable shorthand among us).  In groups around me, the expectation was to get an advanced degree in a medical or STEM field, and then go on to a high-power career which would make you wealthy enough to live in middle to upper-class American comfort while marrying someone who did the same.  This is what your parents and grandparents suffered and worked and sacrificed for; so that you could have the bounteous opportunities available to you right at this very moment.  

And you go ahead and try to do that!  You know that, compared to some of your friends, you have relatively easygoing parents! (sometimes I think about all those other girls in line to see the matchmaker).  Mulan tried her darndest to be the perfect daughter!  But she’s late to prepare, and she scrambles and fumbles and feels like she doesn’t recognize the person in the mirror that her parents and society want her to be. Because she is NOT PERFECT OR EFFORTLESS at doing what they want her to do, despite how hard she tries.  And it doesn’t occur to her to stop trying to succeed in this vein until the military summons.

The thing about Mulan that some people might want to label “punk,” is that she found a way to bring honor to her family outside of the narrow definition that society and her parents had for her.  She did things that were Improper!  Not for girls!  VIOLENT and SCANDALOUS!  She empowered herself!  And the IDEA, the bare concept that you could go against explicit parental wishes to THAT DEGREE and succeed?  

I don’t think it was “punk” in the sense that Mulan was actually not trying to spit in her parents’ faces when she ran, but it feels kind of rebellious in a context where the expectation of duty and conformity is that strong.  Mulan absolutely did what she did to protect her father, and her journey of self-empowerment only happened after that, but the ENORMITY of seeing her do THAT MUCH communicates a certain personal inspiration that makes her feel rebellious.  Yes, you CAN cut your hair!  Yes, you CAN put on those clothes!  Yes, you CAN go out and find a bunch of rowdy friends and save your whole country!  

BUT.  BUT.  COUNTER-ARGUING MYSELF BECAUSE DESPERATE WORDVOMIT.  All of this is at the same time as I thought of Mulan as the actual Perfect Child, who did what I sometimes felt I could never do and made her parents perfectly proud.  Mulan performed both filial duty and individualism, and that too can feel like a rebellious kind of impossible, when your head is in a certain place.

I’m not trying to defend anyone who INSISTS that Mulan has to be ‘punk,’ and I don’t want to fight OP or commentators or anybody, I just SUDDENLY FELT LIKE I HAD TO GET THESE FEELINGS OUT OF MY BODY because MULAN.  

Honestly I’m p sure the only reason that “literal incarnation of the concept of filial piety” Fa Mulan is commonly accepted to be punk is that white people don’t understand that running away from home & joining the army wasn’t…. like…… an act of rebellion…….. and that Mulan wanted to serve & protect her family and this was the best way to do it. The personal journey about finding herself only happened after that. 

Mulan is a sloppy horse girl who’s never snuck out of the house in her life and lives on a like, twelve acre ranch with her multi-generational family where they raise horses that she shows at the country fair, and no one is going to convince me otherwise.