#like i think initially i just understood it as her not wanting people doing different stories with her characters

[dashiellqvverty]

still not going to read those goddamn vampire books BUT its crazy how this website/the internet had so many people (myself eventually included) believing anne rice came down so hard on fanfiction specifically because she didnt want people making her characters gay only to learn that those vampires were very much sucking and fucking in the original texts

[girlfromflor]

part 2 | supersoldiers!141 x f!reader

“what?” johnny is the first one to say something audible, simon made a “huh?” noise that sounded more like a grunt whilst kyle remained silent.

“yeah, well… apparently a young soldier has been showing really good results and the general decided she would be moving to our unit.” john answers, almost as incredulous as he was when he first got the information, but keeping it together in front of his men.

“she?” simon asks, calmer and softer than he initially intended, but still a bit shocked – he blamed the confusion clouding his mind. johnny backs him up instantly, furrowed brows and crossed arms as he adds, “it’s a woman?” 

“yeah,” john sighs, taking a big breath. they all knew that women in the military were usually grouped in women-only task forces because they usually shared different tasks than men – it wasn’t like they wanted to be surrounded by entitled men anyway, so they did their own thing. so to know this soldier was getting sent to their unit said a lot about who they were as a person. “it is a woman.”

“when is she going to get her dose?” kyle mumbles, talking for the first time since he walked in the room, voice clear but enveloped in uncertainty, “we should know how much time we have, so we can get to training as soon as possible.”

and of course kyle would say that out of all of them, training as a unit before taking a dose was essential, the almost in sync rhythm had to be settled before the dose forced them into an unnatural harmony. taking a designated dose without training together was said to be bothersome and even painful in some cases. the mix of unwanted sensations eats the team up constantly because of their lack of bond – their lack of knowing how to deal with one another. the boys never got that problem, but kyle wanted to make sure that it wasn't going to happen.

“so… remember that weird, gnawing feeling from last week…?” price voices out, and the boys already understood what he meant.

simon couldn't hold himself back, barking out his words in a demanding tone. “they gave her the dose four days ago? we don't even know each other,” his exasperated tone matching the stress building on their shoulders. 

“i know, and i’m not happy either. but the only thing we can do now is try and make it work.” john says, more to himself than to calm his men. it was already a problem that they would have someone new to the team, having to share their emotions and sensations without proper preparation had to be the final straw. “if it will be bad for us, let's just think how bad it’s going to be for her taking a dose for the first time and having to deal with four new incoming sensations all at once.”

captain took his time sharing what he knew with the boys. to prevent big problems – like sending some of them into a mental spiral or something similar –, the woman was going to stay in her own place – nearby theirs – as they started training together. he said that they’ll meet at the base and that john will have full responsibility over their time together. it meant that no higher ups were going to stick their noses where they didn’t belong – which was a relief. he didn’t have much information about the soldier other than the fact that she was skilled enough to earn a spot on their team – probably something else too, because no ordinary soldier was grouped with supersoldiers with just ‘good enough skills’. 

john wasn’t stressed, and that also calmed the boys a bit. five was the limit of people within a task force and long passed the time that they were told to hire someone to fill the remaining position, but to know they were obligated to do so was excruciating. their defiant nature was just begging them to dismiss any and all possibilities of working together with the new addition. they worked as a united force, someone new coming in was only going to disturb that harmony. simon was already thinking ‘how will i see her face everyday and keep the boys at ease without making it hard for her’. he couldn’t help it, he already felt some type of empathy for the woman – he knew it was probably his captain and kyle’s fault, they had too much nurturing instincts to fight off. johnny also was thinking what could he do on his end, since he knew the experience was going to be intense already, it didn’t help that he was also and naturally an overwhelming being. he already felt how he’d have to neglect himself in order to make her feel comfortable – but then again, all of them felt that way. 

somehow, in between this new challenge and their usual work, the boys found within their group an ever stronger bond. the need for comfort to deal with the arrival of the recruit willed them to seek each other more – even if they didn’t meet her yet, it was like she was part of them in some ways, which was weird. they started acting like she was part of their routine already, leaving a spot on the table where she would sit during meals, buying more food, and cleaning the house more often – assuming that as a woman she’d like things to be tidy.

kyle started wordlessly moving to price’s room after dinner, where they’d sleep in each other's arms and somehow they seemed to dream the same fulfilling scenarios where she’d do the same. when they’d wake up, price was still with his eyes closed when he whispered “morning,” while his hand sneaked under kyle’s shirt to touch his waist. the sergeant was also with his eyes closed and he’d mumble “how’d you know i was awake?” to which the captain would just shrug. call it wild guess, they call it connection. simon and johnny were like one, literally. when simon felt like drinking water, johnny was already opening a bottle and handing it to him. when johnny felt a bit cold, simon would get up from his spot on the couch and close the window – and when john questioned why, simon simply replied with “johnny is cold,” even though he hadn’t spared johnny a single glance.

it eased their nerves, how they worked together through the uneasiness of having a new member. but then an uncomfortable, saddening feeling started creeping up their neck. simon is the first one to acknowledge it: insecurity. but it’s captain price who voices it out of their heads, “everything is going to be alright, lads, no need to worry.”

johnny only shrugs, and looks at kyle. kyle nods, answering for the both of them, “don’t think that’s us, cap.”

simon agrees, humming under his breath. he turns to price as he speaks, “think you know it too, right?”

“aye,” john answers, taking a pause. it was weird – to feel things from someone they didn’t know yet. “just wanted to make sure.”

“she seems precious,” kyle says, to which johnny lets out a laugh. “what? it’s true,” but he’s laughing as well. “think she’s shy, though.”

“aye,” is johnny who replies, his voice sounding as dreamy as kyle’s. “do ye think she can tell us apart?” then he grimaces, tilting his head as he adds, “mentally, i mean…”

simon snorts, but they know he’s thinking about it too. he looks at his captain then, and john hums in agreement, making a point of saying, “also don’t think it’s good to dwell on it, but i know… we all hope she does.”

you were always a bit of a nuisance, you thought. from a very young age you were sent to EDI which was short for “extra disciplinary institution”. it worked like an extension from school, you often got sent there for a week or two once you completed 12 years of age. it wasn’t bad, nor was it punitive. mostly, it was a place where you let out most of your pent up energy – something you had a lot growing up, and that often came out as defiance. their way of treating the kids depended on what it was that the child lacked control over the most. you invested your time in intense workout routines and logical reasoning exercises, to pass time and get distracted when you felt overwhelmed by your own thoughts – it worked for you, but a boy the same age as you who displayed the same traits spent his time painting and taking music classes.

police wasn't something that really existed anymore, neither did prisons. over the years “police” slowly morphed into SAET – security against external threats – and prisons were completely erased, along with most types of heavy crimes. SAET was only preoccupied with – obviously – external threats to civilians, they never really needed to intervene in crime within the city because that didn’t really happen anymore. robbery was still common, although the robbers were usually sent to work for the state in non-important roles where they could be attentively watched and still live life normally. kids who seem problematic or that caused too much commotion were sent to EDI for a while – never for too long, two weeks max in a row – to get enough attention and work their offenses against their lifestyle and sorts. you never caused actual problems, but you often skipped school and talked back to authoritative figures. lucky for you, you quickly found your place at EDI and by the age of 16 you started willingly going there. when you turned 18 you were recommended to work as a tutor and at 21 you were offered to be in charge of a whole class of kids sent there for the first time.

as the months passed by, you were offered a spot in SAET, but you declined. you didn’t like the idea of being stuck in your city, you wanted to be able to cross the border, study new places and see the remains of old civilizations on the wide places with empty concrete buildings and stray, wild animals. so when you got an informal visit from a general saying that he heard about your results and overall work at the institution and casually asked if you'd like to join the army, you thought ‘why not?’ and accepted.

SAET's whole purpose was to protect civilians, that's why they never moved beyond the border. but the army – huge thing that it was – worked as an active force against unknown targets beyond the city. they were the ones with the work on the field – actual action –, even though wars weren't a thing anymore. most threats came from mutation of wild animals and uncontrolled machines from failed experiments – sometimes both at once. the soldiers usually worked on search parties and rescue missions – when an injured animal was found somewhere too toxic or too hostile for it to survive. it wasn't a secret that all people who became part of the army had to be injected and experimented on. most of the time it was supposed to simply amplify their communicating skills, a way of improving their performance whenever they were inserted in their respective groups. although, a rumor that certain soldiers were kept somewhere far away from the city's edges – bordering wild life – started being more and more heard by you as you made your way through military life – two years was enough for you to come across all types of stories. they had too many years of training and became an extension of nature itself – faster, stronger and more willing to be protective towards the things they tend for. they also had a way to communicate that was unknown for human kind, it was more like when animals shared crucial information in order to survive.

you first learned that they were – in fact – real during a regular exam, when the doctor pointed an unusual response from your body to the usual procedures soldiers were subjected to – turns out you were one of the few people who “mutated” with the injections. you quickly learned that only one group of supersoldiers worked for this state at the moment, the other two task forces were working somewhere else around the world. you also learned that there was no way you could go to a normal task force because it would disturb the harmony of the group. it was best for you to work with task force 141, since it was where you’d fit in the most – it was where you belonged, naturally.

what you didn’t learn – or, better, what they didn’t tell you – was that task force 141 had bonded to a telepathic level. when you got your dose you didn’t question the fact that you had yet to train with them – to know them –, you felt different but nothing more. you thought it was mostly in your head, until you realized that you were growing closer to the day you’ll meet your team – yet to be team, actually, but you call them yours already. you couldn’t help the shadow of anxiety and insecurity that starts to drown you, and when a sudden – overwhelming – sense of confidence and tenderness washes over you, you start to pull the pieces together.

sometimes, over the first four days after you’ve taken your designated dose, you felt some things that didn’t feel quite yours – a thought would pop up out of nowhere and you’d think ‘the hell? the dose is making me think like a man’. after that, it doesn’t take too many days for the official meeting to happen. you had already moved to your new house and started what you called “dosed soldier training”, which was just an upgraded version of the training you used to do – it was the same, but adapted to your modifying body and improving skills.

it’s exactly eight days and 6 hours after you’ve taken your dose that you meet your soon-to-be teammates. when the boys see you they are nearly speechless. they are so lost, price has to slap the back of johnny’s head when he starts getting too lost in his imagination – which earned him some alone time with simon when they got home and kyle the beginning of a hard on. they watch you as you leave the car and move towards the entrance of the main building on base, where they stand completely entranced by how pretty you look – how well you already seem to fit with them. when you stand in front of them it's clear that you’re avoiding eye contact.

price clears his throat. “nice to meet you, soldier. captain john price.” he introduces himself, extending a hand. you take it in yours, shaking it a bit hesitant as you say your name. price looks to his right where a very pretty man stands, and he's quick to start talking.

“i'm sergeant kyle garrick. you can call me gaz,” his voice is calm and polite, but he doesn't put his hand out. you only nod, not having time to say anything because the man on the left side of john starts speaking as soon as kyle stops.

“john mactavish, i'm also a sergeant. most people call me soap, ye can call me johnny,” he finishes his sentence with a wink. he talks a lot, you notice, but it doesn’t bother you – if anything it eases the tense mood. different from gaz, he takes your hand in his in a small greeting and you give him a small smile as he does.

lastly, you look at the man standing beside soap – a very tall and masked man. you exchange a glance in a beat of silence before he says in a low tone, “ghost. lieutenant.”

you have to fight the urge to smile at him, unsure at how he’d receive it from you. you simply nod and turn your attention to the captain, waiting to follow them inside. john talks a bit about how the base works as you walk inside the building and into a meeting room. once inside the room, you are the first one to sit down, ghost taking a seat by your left and kyle moving to your right. you don't like it at first, but you feel less on edge when price and johnny settle on the table across from you. for most of the meeting it is price and soap who talk the most, telling you what you should know about their routine and how training will be from now on. they talk for a few minutes before the questions start, and then kyle starts to pipe in, asking a question every other moment. as you grow comfortable, you allow yourself to question a few things, settling in a nice, pleasant atmosphere – as the basic information about you is slowly being worked through. 

as most important things get sorted out and you reach the end of the two hour meeting, price stands up. “have you eaten already?”

it takes you a moment to realize he’s talking to you, swiftly nodding as you watch the others stand up too. ghost gives you a look – you couldn’t possibly think of what was going through his head – and you feel pressured to elaborate your answer. so you glance back at john, taking the chance to look at your feet as you stand – to avoid eye contact – as you speak, “i’ve, hum… i had lunch before arriving, sir.”

“good, we already had lunch too,” john answers, moving to the door where he rests a hand on the doorknob. “we can go straight home, then.”

you follow them outside, expecting to have a car to pick you up and take you to your house. imagine your surprise when kyle holds the back seat door open for you, watching as your feet halt and you stop walking, making you chuckle nervously. and at your delayed entrance, johnny pops his head out of the window from the other side of the car. his voice is a bit too strained when he calls you out, “c’mon, get in, lass. we’ll drop you at your place.”

you clean your sweaty palms on the fabric of your pants in a nervous habit, climbing inside the car with your head low. johnny gives you a smile when you settle by his side, and kyle simply mutters “put your seatbelt on,” when he takes the seat to your left, closing the door as he does.

you spend the ride towards your house hyper-aware of how both your arms brush against johnny and kyle’s, whenever simon takes a turn on a high speed and your body sways towards one or the other. johnny has half a mind to grab your thigh to keep you from being pressed against his body whilst kyle is – nearly – purposefully manspreading to squeeze your smaller frame between the two of them. john has to turn to look back at them every once in a while, regretting not making you ride shotgun. hi keeps on squirming in his seat and he’s not sure if is simon’s hurry in getting home – his thoughts kept on betraying him and bringing him back to johnny’s reverie – or if it was from johnny and kyle who were fighting for their life at being so close to you so soon.

you, on the other hand, seemed oblivious to the men’s inner dilemma. your mind was traveling towards the future as you tried to ignore the warmth radiating from the men sitting by your sides. should you invite them over? give them a tour of your house? maybe offer some tea? or should you just thank them and leave? you’ll see them in the morning alright, no need to fuss over their company—

“we’re here,” it’s price’s voice who snaps you out, and you look up from your fingers to realize that you’re already in front of your house. the lack of movement around your place is soothing – knowing it was always like that also soothed you, you kind of hated crowds.

“hum, thanks. for the ride…” your words are not as shaky as you thought they would be. you undo your seatbelt and turn to johnny’s side to leave the car. you two exchange a glance for a bit too long and kyle has to face his window in order to keep composure – johnny and simon keep on feeding into each other’s arousal, and it was making them all struggle. but, instead of being intimidated – like they thought you would – you laugh. maybe from the nervousness running through your veins, maybe because it is funny that you’re both kind of frozen.

“can you move? so i can leave…” you ask johnny, a smile still adorning your lips and johnny has to bite his cheek to refrain a – whimpered – ‘no’ to leave his lips. because no, he didn’t want you to leave just yet, but he also couldn’t stand being next to you anymore – oh, the perks of sharing deep emotions with your teammates. 

so he simply nods, brows knitting together as he whispers out an, “sorry.” he opens the door and steps out, not giving you a hand as you mimic his movements – but honestly you think nothing of it.

when you move past john’s window he calls out for you, “we live in a house ten minutes away, in that direction.”

he’s pointing towards a more remote part of the region, the beginning of the woods starting to cover the edges of the road. you make a face, questioning “ten-minute walk or drive?”

“drive,” his smile catches your attention, and you don’t even realize it brings one of your own.

“huh,” you nod, contemplating. “good to know.”

his smile increases, and suddenly he feels johnny’s urge getting at him. he mentally curses how easily they get in tune sometimes. he watches as you walk towards your front door, unlocking it and stepping inside without looking back. “i swear johnny, we ain’t gon’ last a week if ya keep this up,” he says once simon re-starts the engine.

“sorry, cap. couldnae help it,” he says sheepishly, moving to take the seat you were in just a minute ago.

“can’t blame him, luvie’s got a thing about her,” simon is still focused on driving as he speaks, his voice echoes all their inner thoughts. 

“aye. thought i’d lose it at how she smiled at johnny before the meeting,” kyle adds, his thigh brushing over johnny’s now that they’re side by side.

“fuckin’ hell,” john mumbles, a hint of amusement on his tone. “we’re fucked.”

a/n: thought it was dumb, then i realized it's a sci-fi fanfiction, i have all the rights to make it dumb. let me know what you think! | taglist: @fruitymoonbeams-blog @little-mini-me-world @bath1lda

[aperrywilliams]

Ocean (Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader)

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Author Masterlist

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Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader.

Summary: Spencer has shut you out for months, and you don’t know how to get to him. A new argument endures, and you think this might be your last chance to make him understand how deep your love for him is.

Word Count: 2.6k

Warnings: Angst/hurt/comfort. Spencer doesn't want to see reasons. Reader and Spencer cry. Mention to Spencer’s time in Milburn.

A/N: It’s just another self-indulgent fic to tell our boy how great he is.

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"Are you going to say something?"

Your voice is clipped, and you feel a whole storm bubbling inside of you. Spencer's silence doesn't help to ease your desperation—a last call for some hope in your already damaged relationship.

As he sits on the couch, his eyes are lost in the window of your shared apartment, tranced by the distant bustling of the streets below. It seems everything is better than looking at you right now.

‘How can someone stand so damn close

And feel like they're a world away?

I can see your sad story eyes

So how do you have no words to say?’

“Please, say something. Anything."

Your insistence sharply contrasts with the demanding tone with which you initiated this conversation—or fight, as Spencer accused you earlier.

Still standing in front of him, you only want him to look at you, to see in his eyes what he really wants.

“Do you want me to leave? That's it?”

You don't know what else to do or say. After bickering for a solid forty-five minutes, Spencer decided he didn't want to respond to your questions/accusations anymore. Coincidence? Hell no. He went silent just after you touched a nerve mentioning the tabu, the only thing Spencer decided must remain unspoken: the three months he was locked in Milbum.

You understood his reluctance at first. Of course you did. Putting in words the nightmare of his days there can’t be easy for anyone, and to Spencer, you bet your ass it was tougher. To lose control, to engage in a world he only knew from afar. Exposed. Vulnerable.

You understood why he didn't want you to visit him there. His pride and self were wounded. However, you would never resent him for it. You said it to him but respected his wishes so as not to put more pressure on his shoulders.

It didn't hurt less, but you were willing to take it.

Weeks followed, and the only news you had about your boyfriend were the messages and phone calls from his coworker, Penelope, and his boss, Emily.

The day he was released must have been the most chaotic you had in your life. And for Spencer, sure, it was worse: His mom was kidnapped by another psychopath, threatening her life.

As Spencer hugged Diana at the BAU, you stayed back, looking from afar, not wanting to disturb such an important moment.

Penelope hugged him after, and then JJ and Tara. The whole team welcomed him before you had the chance to.

When your time came, your eyes locked for the first time in months, and you knew. That man wasn’t the same Spencer you saw the night before he went to Mexico. And you were far from expecting he was, but something felt different with you compared to the reaction he had with the rest of the people there.

Not saying a word, Spencer enveloped you in a tight embrace. Hiding his face in the crook of your neck, he couldn't articulate anything to say. You were the one who reassured him, mumbling encouraging words.

‘Everything is going to be okay. You’re safe now.’

And you believed every word, even knowing the road would be hard. Knowing there would be bad days and not-so-bad ones. But you were determined to make it work because you loved Spencer, and he didn't deserve less from you.

All I want is to fall in deeper than I've ever been

Why won't you let me?

I can handle your heart, so help me.

But Spencer didn't open up to you the next day, nor the week that followed, or the month after. You were patient. You didn't take personally the prolonged silences, the avoidance, the eagerness he showed to go back to work.

At some point, you start to wonder what you have been doing wrong because there is definitely something wrong.

Waiting for him to confide you was the only thing you decided to do. He would come to you eventually. Instead of pushing him, you offered your solace and a safe space for him to be peaceful.

But after three months, things didn't get better; they were quite the opposite. Spencer frequently showed signs of irritability at home and started to snap at almost anything.

And that's when the arguments started. You were getting exhausted by his behavior and the null display of trust from him.

Today has been no different. After coming back from a case, Spencer barely acknowledged your presence, opting for lounging on the couch, too invested in a book to tell you he almost got hurt in the field, and you find it out from Penelope calling you to know how he was doing.

“Spencer-”

“You can leave if you want,” he mumbles, not making eye contact.

“That's not what I asked. I asked if you want me to leave.”

There is a lump in your throat, but it doesn't stop you from voicing your thoughts.

“And for once, be honest with me. Do you want to be alone? Do you want to sulk yourself for God knows how much time?”

There is a brief silence where you think Spencer is truly contemplating his response.

“Yes.”

He says it without looking at you, but his voice is firm enough for you to wonder if he’s lying or not. It hurts. But it hurts you more because he’s hurting and not for the pain he’s inflicting you with his words - or lack of.

“Why?”

“Why what?”

You get his attention this time. He wasn’t expecting you to ask him that.

“Why do you want to be alone?”

You can’t understand why he’s so determined to shut you out. Or maybe you do, but you’re not ready to accept it. Not when you love him more than anything in this world. Not when you are sure your love must count to something for him. Yeah, maybe you can’t ‘fix him,’ but you’re sure as hell you can help him to heal.

Spencer huffs in frustration. What can he say? The truth? It's too simple and yet too complicated to voice.

“I realized it’s better that way. There is no reason for you to stay.”

Is he turning his motives into altruistic ones? It's like he doesn't know you at all.

“There isn’t? You are not reason enough for me to stay?”

Spencer stands from his spot, running his hands through his hair.

“You don't get it? Do you?! Do you want me to throw the words on your face? Uh? I thought you were smart enough to realize by now I can’t love you anymore!”

It's the first time he has yelled that way to you in months. Years, maybe? All the last arguments you both had recently were more like ‘snappy-sassy Spencer’ and a ‘sassier you.’

He just said, ‘I can’t love you anymore,’ and not ‘I don’t love you anymore.’ You don’t miss the wording, and you’re praying right now not to be reading this wrong.

Maybe this is the crack you were waiting for to get to him. Carefully, you look at Spencer, waiting for him to continue, but he doesn't.

“Okay,” you mumble, sitting again on the couch, your feet planted on the floor and hands on your knees. Spencer raises an eyebrow, confused by your posture and response.

“Okay?”

You nod. “Yeah. Okay. You can’t love me anymore. I accept it. And I’m not happy with that, but okay. I can’t obligate you to feel in a certain way if you don’t.”

“But you should be hating me,” he refutes. “I failed you, and now I’m ending things.”

You take in his words. Spencer assumes he’s the one to hate, and even if you want to, you know you can’t.

With pursed lips and soft eyes, you gesture to the spot beside you on the couch, inviting him to sit. Spencer understands and, after a second of contemplation, slowly moves to sit there, curious about what you are thinking right now.

“Can I tell you something?” you start. “It's humanly impossible for me to hate you. And yeah, maybe I should, but I can’t. Maybe you can’t love me, and thank you for doing it at some point, by the way. But it doesn't mean I’ll stop caring about you. It doesn't mean I don't want to see you happy because, despite all the awful things you think about yourself, oh, flash news, you deserve to be happy.”

“Don’t-” he wants to refute, as always he does, but you have to make a point.

“Spence, please, let me say it.” Spencer stops and concedes at your request, even if he thinks it useless and that you shouldn’t put that effort into him.

“I know you think you disappointed people for what happened. You haven’t told me that much, but I know. And I can understand you are scared and that maybe I’m not the one you want to confide in. I respect it, really. But please, if at least a fraction of what I think matters to you, believe me, I have never doubted whatever you did in there; you did it to survive. There is nothing to be ashamed of. Nothing.”

It's a hard pill to swallow for Spencer. He never wanted to tell you what really happened when he was in jail. Granted, you are not a profiler, but you know him enough to see through him.

Here you are, next to me

So much beauty at my feet

All I wanna do is swim, but the waves keep crashin' in

No, I'm not afraid to drown

Take me out, take me down

I'm so tired of the shore

Let me in, baby

You're an ocean, beautiful and blue

I wanna swim in you

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. And I’ll leave if it's what you think I should do, but not before telling you how I see you. God, Spencer. You have no idea how great a human being you are. You always prefer to sell yourself short instead, but I know you. If the time we have known each other taught me something, it's how compassionate, understanding, and loving you are. Believe me when I tell you that to love you has been the best thing I have done in my life. And I would do anything for you, even if that means walking away from you.”

You don't know when the tears started to fall, but now you can feel them running down your cheeks and landing in your hands resting on your lap.

Spencer’s glassy eyes tell you he has heard everything you said, and you hope he believes you. At least you have tried pouring your heart into words. It isn’t easy for you to do. That’s something you have in common with Spencer. Your love language is acts of service more than words of affirmation, but you know this time, you need the words.

A tear makes his journey from Spencer’s eyes down his jaw. But he can’t say anything. He thinks if he says something, everything in him will crumble.

You wait, not so sure what, but wait. As Spencer keeps his silence, you think you have nothing more to do, so you break eye contact.

“Okay. That's what I needed to say. I guess that’s it.”

A shaky breath anticipates you getting up from the couch. You stroll to the bedroom to grab your go-bag.

Approaching the door and grabbing your keys from the bowl, you bit your lower lip because you don’t want to cry in front of him anymore.

Like a lighthouse, I've been shinin' bright

Through the dark for both of us

And I've done it outta love is not enough

But God, how I wish it was

And I don't wanna find out

How much lonely I can take before you lose me

Baby, look at me and swear you won't lose me

Determined to leave, you open the door, and before you cross the threshold, a heartbreaking sob paralyzes you in place. Then, a wail and Spencer's broken voice.

“Please, don’t leave!”

It is heartbreaking and comes to you like a prayer from the depths of his being. You stop in your tracks but refuse to look back at him.

“I know I don't deserve you, but please, I can’t - I can’t lose you.”

Wiping away his tears, Spencer gets up from the couch and quickly reaches the door. You still have the bag in one hand and the keys in the other, with your back to him.

“I love you more than you can imagine, and I was determined to let you go. I thought I had hurt you enough.”

“Did you were setting me free? From you?” you mumble, still not wanting to turn around, tears blurring your sight. Spencer sniffles.

“I thought it was the right thing to do. Why drag you to my shit once more? Fuck, you always have been there for me, and it is so unfair. How did I repay you?”

“Repay me?” You let the bag fall with a thud. This time, turning to face Spencer. “Do you think this is about repaying? Jesus, Spencer. I never had ask you that.”

“I know. I know,” he rushes to say. “But I feel like I’m not good enough. An ex-junk. An ex-convict. And a lot of baggage to carry.”

Your fingers fidget with the keys as you hear Spencer beating himself.

“Nothing of that has changed the way I see you. I’m not saying you have to be the same, nor do you have to keep still about it. I love you with all the scars you have and the ones that will come. And I want to help. You don't have to do this alone.”

“It's a lot. I don't even know where to start,” Spencer’s voice croaks, shoulders slumping in defeat.

“We can figure it out. Together. It won’t be easy, but I promise it will get better.”

Your soft eyes and hopeful words warm Spencer’s heart. He can’t conceive you are even real. He can’t fathom how you are still here in front of him after all. He can only conclude that your love is big enough to hold you two at this moment when his weakness consumes him.

Still sobbing, Spencer rushes to envelope you in a tight embrace. But unlike the hug you shared in the bullpen when he was released months ago, this time, he's the one telling you reassuring words.

“I love you. I couldn’t be more grateful for having you. I promise I’ll heal. I promise not to shut you out again. My love, my everything.”

As you cry with Spencer enveloped in his arms, your heart feels hopeful that you both will find a way to get through this. Together.

---------------

Spencer Reid's Taglist: @dreatine @nomajdetective @jayyeahthatsme @rosalinasam2 @averyhotchner @lovelyxtom @princessmiaelicia @pastelbabygirl19 @reidsbookclub @alexxavicry @gspenc @spencerreidisbae123 @calmspencer @pauline5525mgg @anamiad00msday @milivanili99 @laylasbunbunny @leahblackk @miaxx03 @missabsey @taintedstranger @khxna @pleasantwitchgarden @dysphoricsanity @themoonchildwhofell @silver138 @lovelybaka @shinytinywhispers

[satzumosupremacy]

Elite Bodyguard Series: Pt.10

Desperation

Male reader x Jeon Somi

Tags: Smut, literally face fucking, daddy kink

2.8k Words

You have a history with Somi. Back when you were a freshly new bodyguard, she repeatedly sought out your services. Regardless of whether the close relationship you shared with her is just a distant memory for you, she still thinks of you from time to time—perhaps more often than you'd expect. And here you are, reminiscing about the old days and walking in front of Somi as she follows behind.

“Oppa, y’know my song was inspired by you.”

“Fast Forward?”

There’s a reason why Somi isn’t your client anymore—she switched agencies, that’s the only reason. You advanced quickly, gaining many celebrity clients along the way. It’s the law of attraction: when people seek top talent, companies turn to you. And when Somi needed to make a decision on her own career as an idol, she only had two choices: move to a different agency or continue to have you by her side. It was a hard choice for Somi until she came to the obvious conclusion. You didn’t hold any resentment; you understood her decision. This was all business anyways.

However, the glares in your eyes weren't always so friendly. Your presence was already intimidating, with the black suit, sunglasses, earpiece, and sometimes even a holster at your hip. You didn't smile much, but you got the job done. Initially, Somi thought you were a cold person, but that changed once you became her regular bodyguard. The more time she spent with you, the more her perception shifted. Despite your cold and intimidating appearance, you cared for and protected your client. That was the job you had signed up for.

“I took part in the lyrics,” Somi says, causing you to stop short before opening the door and look back at her.

“What do I have to do with your song?”

“I don’t know,” she mumbles. “Just.. just missed you, Oppa. Don’t you miss me too?”

You couldn't give her an answer when she expected a 'yes,' but you remained silent. Was it wrong to forget about her? You had her phone number, but you never called or texted. Not even to wish her something like a 'Happy Birthday' or 'Happy New Year.'

Somi glances around to make sure no one is watching. Once she's certain both of you are alone, she takes your hand. “I know we are parting ways again after this. But can we catch up? I don’t want you to leave.”

“I think your manager is waiting, Somi. We can catch up next time. Promise?”

“But remember the promise you made with me last time?”

You're clueless. Her question was too vague. It's been years. "What promise?"

“May I come over, Oppa? You’ve seen my place. I never saw yours.”

Somi never slept with you, but it was obvious that she wanted to fuck at the hotel when you went overseas with her, which didn't went her way anyways since this was all business. “Does Chaeyoung talk about me to you, Somi? I’m sure she said something.”

“Oppa, just once. Please?” Somi’s begging for you straightforwardly, you can tell from her eyes that she’s been lonely for far too long. “Aren’t we close? How many years have we not seen each other? It’s been too long, Oppa.”

There’s also not a single lie that you can tell Somi was interested in you, not just sexually, but also romantically. When times change, it’s questionable when you and Somi parted ways.

“Ennik,” you say softly. “Somi.”

“Yes?” she smiles and lets go of your hand.

“Come home with me.”

She chuckles, “finally, you’re not playing hard for once.”

———

“Daddy?” Somi says cautiously out of the blue as you pull into the driveway.

“Is that like one of your kinks?” you chuckle.

“You don’t like it?”

“I’m not judging. I don’t mind it, Somi.” You turn the car off and close the garage door. “Let’s go inside.”

She's unusually quiet, waiting impatiently as you both exit the car and walk inside. There's no doubt that Somi won't let you off the hook the moment you step in. She's hungry. She's lonely. As you shut the door calmly, before you can even turn around, she gets on her knees with her hands in her lap, looking up at you desperately.

"Give it to me, Daddy," she softly pleads once you see her kneeling, slowly placing her hands on your pants and pulls down slowly.

“Somi,” you take a breath, "how much did you missed me?"

"So much." Somi leans closer, staring right at you from below and getting a whiff of your crotch.

"Then show me how much you missed me. Be a good girl."

Somi doesn't respond, but you can see it in her eyes that she wants to be proven worthy. And slowly, Somi bites onto the waistband of your boxers, then pulls it down with a wicked smirk, and you felt her nose dragging against your skin.

She’s not someone who you just met. You know that she's a horny one at heart. Somi didn't want to waste any time. Her breaths came shallow and quick, as if each breath were full of desperation. She gulps and stares at your cock the moment it flings out of your boxers. But before you give her a taste, what's the fun without a small tease? You already have her in a chokehold, and she wouldn’t want to escape it.

"Take off your shirt," you demand, caressing her cheeks. Somi didn't even hesitate and takes off her shirt, revealing a black bra as you stare at her cleavage. Her tit's are round and perfect, more than enough to where you would want your face in between.

“Good girl.” you say, smirking.

She leans closer again and only stares at you after a quick kiss on the tip of your cock. “I’ve been fantasizing about you. I thought about you late last night."

“I’ll make it come true, Somi.” You say, brushing her hair and getting a clear view of her beauty. Once her mouth opened, she wanted only one thing: to taste you. But knowing how desperate Somi is, you're not letting her. Not this easily. You pull her hair back and she gasp, staring up to meet your gaze.

Somi gulps, which was loud in this quiet house. “Daddy,” she whispers. You saw your own reflection in her eyes as she looks at you.

“Open your mouth,” you say, wanting to be in control. Quietly, she opens her mouth without hesitation and you slap your cock right on her cheeks, not once, but twice as she flinches and smiles, then Somi wickedly chuckles.

“I’m such a slut for you.”

“It should be that way,” you say, a deeper tone that made her heart to start fluttering. Your cock was right in front of Somi. She’s impatiently waiting like a good girl. “Keep your mouth open and your tongue out.”

Again, she listens to everything you demanded. Her eyes gleamed, begging you so desperately to the point she’ll do anything just for a small taste. And as you’re curious to how desperate she was, her salvia starts to drip off the tip of her tongue.

You slap your cock right on her tongue, then held her nape with no intentions on letting Somi have it her way. You’re planning to ruin her face. She deserves it. There’s no excuse if Somi’s been waiting for this day. And with a small thrust into her mouth, she chokes once you reached the back of her throat. You push harder, slowly every few seconds without pulling out your cock.

Somi's throat expands, and you could feel her trying to choke, when it’s only a weak one with your cock deep in her throat. She leans back, almost falling behind, and you intentionally did it to pin her against the wall. She closes her eyes shut, face trembling to how deep your cock was in. Well, you weren’t trying to make her pass out, but you did start to worry and gave Somi some room to breathe.

She takes a deep breath with your cock still in her mouth. Without a response, Somi grabs onto your hips, bobbing and tilting her head slowly. You couldn’t help but smirk at how much of a slut you made her. There was no sense of pride from Somi. She's going crazy for your cock.

“Good girl,” you groan, complimenting Somi. “Go ahead, have it. Take it.”

“Mhm,” she murmurs. Then there’s a long hum, the type of hum of tasting something delightful. You felt her perfectly manicured nails digging into your skin as she grips harder and harder, cock disappearing in and out from her mouth. Saliva drips down from her chin and right onto her cleavage. You give a hard thrust and her head’s now against the wall, perfect as you smirk to what wicked intentions you have for her face—a hard face fucking.

Somi closes her eyes, letting a tear out by how hard you were thrusting into her mouth. It’s the tears of happiness that everyone gets after getting what they’ve been longing for. You decide to suddenly stop, still with your cock deep down in her throat. And with your thumb on her face, you wiped her tears, smudging her mascara in the process. She looked more of a slut at this point, and you aren’t complain of seeing Somi like this when her hair is sticking to the wall.

“Good girl,” you say, more softly with a deeper tone. “You look so fucking beautiful like this.” Praising her is a cheat code, she loves being complicated and praised at, especially if it’s from you. You’re well aware of how much you meant to her. It’s no secret.

And it’s clear that you’re using her mouth like a toy, she’s choking and gagging. You could care less while you chase this peace of mind from a singer’s mouth. Somi’s not stopping you, neither would you want to.

“Fuck,” you groan softly, taking a quick breath, and seeing how much of a mess her face was and pulls out. Saliva drips down to her tits after she spits more out to make a mess. You love it how she’s just a slut taking your cock like there’s no tomorrow. Her lips are coated in saliva as she worships your cock with her lips pressing right on it.

“Am I being a good girl, Daddy?” she mumbles, lips on the tip of your cock.

“You are. Maybe you should stop talking and show me that you’re even better than a good girl.” Somi’s face was all fucked, a whole hot mess. She’s even more beautiful like this.

“I want it all over my face, Daddy.”

“Should maybe get ready then.”

You grab onto her face, squeezing her cheeks with your fingers and palm right on her chin to make Somi look up at you. You were once her love interest. You were her protector. And now, she’s on her very knees, in a mess taking your aggression. Somi couldn’t say anything, she’s more mesmerized by your glare. You push your cock back into her mouth to make Somi gag and continue to choke all over your cock.

“Fuck, your mouth feels so good,” you groan. Your cock was shoved deep down to the point it bulges out her throat. Her eyes are closed, tears slowly coming down her face. You felt saliva dripping all the way down to your balls. Her small mouth couldn’t take it, but she's not stopping you from using her like a toy.

Your cock begins to throb, violently more as you keep shoving your cock into her mouth. There’s a whole mess on her tits as it’s drying out layer by layer. Somi’s taking it like a slut that she is. It doesn’t matter how rough you were, Somi loves the way your cock throbs. After a deep gasp, and a moan, you pull out. Webs of saliva flows out her mouth and on your cock down to her chest.

She grabs onto your cock to start stroking it. Somi knew what to do. She wants to make you cum all over her face. Her hands squeezes your cock, stroking it faster and faster while looking up at you.

“Make me cum, Somi,” you uttered quickly. “I’ll cum on your pretty face.”

“Give it to me, Daddy,” she murmurs. Her mouths wide open, tongues out, eyes all closed.

You cum by her small hands squeezing and stroking your cock, releasing all the built up sexual tension for years, but all Somi can feel was how much cum there was on her face. With a bright smile, and a couple flinches from cum shooting onto her face, she finally got her fantasy to come true. It’s warm. It’s thick. Just what she’s been craving for.

Somi’s face is the definition of getting face fucked. Her hairs a mess, cum all over her lips, cheeks, and even up to her hair as she couldn’t open her eyes but smile. Then strands of cum stretch and drip down her chin to her tits.

“What a mess,” she utters after swallowing your cum, and the biggest smile you saw from her today. Somi scoops all the cum on her face and licks every single finger.

“You’re missing more, Somi,” you say, wanting her to lick your cock clean. She crawls on her knees to suck you off without a word. “There’s some on your hair too.”

“It’s fine,” she says after pulling off your cock with a loud pop. “You taste good.”

“Was I too aggressive?”

“Kind of. Tolerable thought. But why should I complain?” She then leans in again to give your cock a quick kiss. Her chest is pumping after being used as a toy.

“Water?” you say, wanting to give her some care.

“No,” she whispers shyly.

You grab your pants and gently hand Somi her shirt. She’s still on her knees with the shirt rolled up into a ball as she covers part of her chest. “It’s not a problem if you want get in my panties if you’re thinking about it right now.”

Well, you did give her a hard face fucking. It’s only right that you give Somi a time to rest. As you put on your pants, she’s just staring down at the floor, lost in thought.

“What are you thinking, Somi?”

“Are you gonna kick me out?” she says, looking up at you. There’s a pure moment of silence, you couldn’t believe what she just said. After face fucking her? Why kick her out?

“Do you want me to, Somi?” you smirk, teasing her when you aren’t planning on kicking her out.

“You want my pussy? I’ll give it to you right now for as long as you want. Please let me stay for a while, Oppa. Please, Daddy?”

You’re dumbfounded to why Somi thinks that you’ll kick her out. “Calm down, let’s go sit on the couch. I’m not telling you to leave.”

“Oh,” she embarrassingly says and puts on her shirt. After Somi stands up, she follows you to the couch and sits right beside you. Somi couldn't belive that she got naked and took your cock like a slut. Neither did she want to fully admit of being one.

“How was it since you changed agencies, Somi?”

“I really missed you. I couldn’t stop thinking that I might of made the wrong choice to leave you behind. And now you’re with Twice.”

“I’m just a bodyguard,” you chuckle.

“So what? You’re so comfortable to be around with. Isn’t it obvious?”

You shrug, “don’t know.”

“Oppa,” she takes a deep breath. “Was it also obvious that I was interested in you?”

“It was. Why are you bringing this up, Somi?”

“If I can’t buy your love, I’ll sell you my body. That’s the most I can do for you to want me in a way.”

You sigh, “there’s gotta be a better way to word that, Somi. C’mon.”

She then sits closer to you and puts her head on your shoulders, “we never had a proper farewell to each other. I want to thank you for everything.”

“It’s..not like I’ll never take you in as a client again, Somi. If both our schedules are right, I don’t mind taking you.”

“Really, Oppa?”

“When’s your next concert? I’ll come with Chaeyoung.”

“Why come with her when you can be alongside me like we used to? Be backstage and we can eat at a restaurant after with my manager. I want to treat you for everything you’ve done with me.”

“Just text me, Somi. I’ll be there if your agency reaches out to me.”

“Mhm, I can’t thank you enough.”

“Do you plan on spending the night here?”

“I’m busy tomorrow morning, Oppa,” she sighs.

“I’ll take you home later, Somi.”

A/N: Lost motivation to write more, but hope this is enough. Half ass edit too.

[lamentationsofalonelypotato]

Chapter 1: Are You Always Like This?

Pairing: Soldier Boy x f!reader, Reader POV

Summary:  When you decided to work with Butcher and his merry band of supe hunters to take down Homelander, you never expected to be saddled with a sullen, grumpy, jerk like Soldier Boy when the job was done. The more you’re around him the more you hate him, but you can’t help but wonder, is he really as big a jerk as you think? Reader is a supe with plant powers. This takes place in an AU about a month after the end of The Boys Season 3, in which Butcher has let Soldier Boy continue to work with him on his team. (I'm real bad at summaries, please forgive me!)

Tropes: Enemies to Lovers (Implied/Eventual), Age Difference (Reader is in her 20s), Protective Ben/ Soldier Boy, Fake Dating

Word Count: 7.4 K (OOPS)

Warnings: I'm going to label this 18+/Mature because Soldier Boy (he's a warning and everyone knows it), swearing, mentions of sex, sexual innuendo, sexual tension, violence. Ben/Soldier Boy might be a little bit OOC.

Note: This is told from Reader's perspective. Any references to the reader is made using you or your. There is minimal use of y/n. I tried my best to proofread, but nobody's perfect. If you don’t like, don’t read, but if you do like, you’re my favorite!

Internal monologue is in italics and is in first person.

A/N: I know I know, I should be working on "You Call It Madness But I Call It Love," but this idea was swirling around in my head and I had to write it.

Spotify Playlist 🪴

Masterlist

Take A Chance On Me Masterlist

You Call It Madness But I Call It Love

"Alright Butcher, I'm done." You sigh closing the file in front of you and standing from the worn wooden table covered in empty Chinese food containers and stacks of papers almost as tall as you. "If I read another word about trying to stop an electrical current, I'm going to commit toaster bath and I'm taking you with me."

It was late, past two in the morning, but Butcher had a lead on a B-list supe that had been using his electrical powers to steal cars and run a chop shop business downtown. You had been close to catching him yesterday, so close in fact that your eyebrows were still a little crispy from when he shot a bolt of lightning at your face that you only dodged in the nick of time when Soldier Boy grabbed the back of your shirt and yanked you out of the way. Unfortunately, your shirt hadn't survived, it had ripped and you spent the rest of the day wearing one of Butcher's oversize Hawaiian shirts all the while Soldier Boy told you that it was a waste to keep a pretty little figure like yours covered up.

I hate him so much.

When Butcher had initially asked you to join his team a month ago you were excited, but then you found out that you were going to be stuck with Soldier Boy. The supe, that despite Annie's arguments should be given back to the government and put on ice, was allowed to join Butcher's team after he took down Homelander. Who was currently frozen on ice, somewhere. As long as Homelander was far from you, you didn't care. The guy gave you the creeps.

But the team still couldn't figure out where the electricity manipulating supe was hiding or where he was dropping the cars, which meant you had spent the past twelve hours staring at files and a computer screen so hard that you felt like your brain going to melt out of your ears.

"Do whatever ya want kid. I'm not ya damn babysitter." Butcher grunts, his face hidden behind his own file. His boots were on the table and he was leaning back in his chair so far that you were tempted to tip him over, all it would take was a good solid kick.

You smile at him. Butcher was adept at pretending that he didn't want you around, of course you knew how antsy he got when you weren't there to offer your opinion. You figured that he just liked pushing people away and given his history you understood that.

Annie sits up from where she and Hughie are cuddling on the couch. "Why don't you stay?" Her brow furrows with worry. Annie was big on the whole, "women not walking at home alone at night thing," which normally you didn't, but you figured that whatever was waiting outside the apartment was probably less intimidating than Homelander. And you could handle it.

"Because I'd like to sleep in my own bed tonight and not that godforsaken rickety cot in the corner that Frenchie got. Can't stand that one spring that always seems so happy to see me." You pull your leather jacket off of the back of the chair and whirl it around your shoulders, before bringing your hair out from under the collar.

Hughie snorts.

"Hey, that cot is an antique!" Frenchie crows from his highbacked chair spewing a mouthful of smoke into the air. Kimiko was sitting at the coffee table in front of him working on her writing, a thick black marker clutched in her hand. MM was taking the night off, but you thought he was probably trying to avoid Soldier Boy.

"Yeah well, that cot is about as old as grandpa over there." You gesture to where Soldier Boy is sitting in another one of the armchairs in the corner watching you while puffing on a joint.

He was always watching you and due to your inability to read his mind it made it difficult for you to gauge what he was thinking, but you assumed that it was the usual macho crap he spouted 100% of the time. But he wasn't checking you out, well this time he wasn't. You had caught him staring at your butt more than once, and he'd made several comments about exactly what he'd like to do to you, but right now an emotion glimmered behind his eyes that you couldn't place.

Soldier Boy stands from the chair. He was wearing a dark t-shirt that stretched over his chest and a pair of blue jeans that fit him just right, well, if you were looking at that. You were, but it was easier to pretend that you weren't. It was easier to pretend that he wasn't the most attractive man you'd ever seen in your life.

Damn it, why does someone so attractive have to be such a dick?

 "A lady like you shouldn't be walking home alone this late." He frowns at you.

"Like me?" You arch an eyebrow.

"Good thing she ain't a lady." Butcher chuckles at his joke

You punch him hard on the arm, not enough to break it, but enough to make it hurt.

“Bloody hell woman.” Butcher rubs his sore bicep shooting you an angry look.

Not many people could look intimidating while wearing a Hawaiian shirt, but Butcher pulled it off. Not many people looked good in a Hawaiian shirt either, but Butcher pulled that off too.

"I'm serious." Soldier Boy's eyes narrow.

"Oh now you're so chivalrous?" You cock your hip to the side, planting your hands on your hips. "Didn't you try to kill me last month?"

"To be fair, you were trying to kill me-"

"Because you were trying to kill Annie. Where was the chivalry when you tried to tear me apart with your bare hands?"

"There are plenty of other things I'd like to do to you with my bare hands sweetheart." His grin turns wolfish. "I'd be happy to show you sometime, perhaps you'd like some company?"

"I'd rather spend an hour with that ancient spring than roll around with you." You tap your lip thoughtfully. “Then again I’m sure that cot is the same age as you and it can at least get it up.”

Annie muffles a snort behind her hand.

“Last time I checked everything was working, perhaps you’d like to see for yourself?” Soldier Boy smirks.

 "Can't you keep in your pants for once?" Butcher sighs, tilting the file downward to glare at Soldier Boy.

You can't help but smile at Butcher's response. Butcher might have tried to push you away, but even you could see his protective instincts. That became wildly apparent whenever you went out on a mission alone and although you would think that it was annoying for someone to think they needed to protect you, in Butcher's case you made an exception.

Soldier Boy rolls his eyes. "She shouldn't walk home alone."

You wave your hand over the wilting fern on the kitchen counter, eyes shifting to green for a moment as it perks up. It was the only plant in the house and although six people lived in this apartment, not one ever remembered to water it. "And you shouldn't butt into my business."

Soldier Boy opens his mouth to speak, but Annie interrupts his train of thought.

"Wait y/n. Coffee tomorrow?" Annie asks ignoring them. She's sitting up from the couch, her body turned towards you with both of her hands on the back cushions. 

She was one of your best friends, well, really one of your only friends. You'd grown up together and when Annie moved to New York you had decided to move and take some college classes in the city while you worked at a small garden shop after class part time.

The owner still couldn't figure out why nothing you cared for seemed to die.

You usually kept your status as a supe on the down low, and only used your powers when you really had to, which wasn't often before you joined Butcher's team. You'd only lasted two semesters before Annie came to ask you for help finding Soldier Boy and after that, Butcher asked you to join his team for shit pay. You accepted but you still worked at the garden shop part-time, also for terrible pay, but you loved it there.

Your powers made it easy to make sure nothing died and sometimes it felt like home being surrounded by plants. Caring for them was the one thing you seemed to be good at, and sometimes they felt like family.

You didn't have much family left, beside your grandmother and your older brother who still lived back in Des Moines, and sometimes it was lonely in the city. Annie was the only person who you'd been able to connect with since you moved, and now that you weren't going to classes the friends you made in college didn't really understand what you were doing with your life.

And telling them "oh I hunt down supes for a living and sometimes kill them" didn't really sound like something you could say in passing. It also did wonders for your dating life… NOT.

"Sorry babe, I'm at the shop tomorrow. But I'm off at 3 if you want to get coffee after?" You hold open the front door of the apartment, looking back at her expectantly.

You hated blowing Annie off, especially since the two of you hadn't been able to hang out outside of missions mostly because she was spending all her time with Hughie.

"Sounds great!" She beams.

And with that you disappear out down the hallway and into the night.

It's raining as you walk down the desolate streets. Cars splash water over the gum covered sidewalks that soaks through your tennis shoes and makes every step against the ground squish. But you ignore it.

You usually loved when it rained, loved to feel the cooling water pool against your skin, loved to hear the soft patter of it against the windows of your apartment, loved the earthy smell that came with the drops, but not tonight. You were still thinking about Soldier Boy.

You don't know why you let him get under your skin so much. You'd met men like him in the past and it was usually easy for you to brush them off, but not him.

I mean yes he is gorgeous, and maybe kind of charming when he's not trying to get into my pants, but I don't want just a one night fling. I want what Annie and Hughie have.

You think about your best friend and her loving boyfriend. You tried not to be jealous, but it was hard when the last time you had a lasting relationship was your first boyfriend back in high school who, when he found out you were a supe, was only interested if you had the power to shape shift into someone 'a little more busty.' The relationship ended with you locking him in a tree and the fire department having to come cut him out. He was fine, maybe a little more green than a normal person, but...

You'd heard that he got a job from the Green Giant Vegetable Company doing cameos as the Jolly Green Giant. So if anything, you helped him have a career?

Annie and Hughie were both head over heels in love with each other, knew everything about each other, didn't have any secrets, and it wasn't just sex, it was a close relationship with someone else who understood every part of you. You wanted that; and as much as you had avoided relationships in the past due to your supe status, you still hoped to find a supe that was kind and didn't think that they were a god for what they could do.

Why do so many have a god complex?

You think again about Soldier Boy. That wasn't the first time he had tried to coax you into bed and it wouldn't be the last, that was for sure. At first you had hoped that he would give up, it had been a month since you'd met, but he was still going strong, despite having a different woman in that apartment almost every night.

Maybe he's just really horny after being trapped in a lab all these years. Then again- You remember all the articles you read about him from the 80s, the ones that recorded his numerous escapades and think about his founding of Herogasm.

Maybe he's always like that, but he never comes on to Annie or Kimiko, only me. And I've threatened castration multiple times. You'd think he would care more about that than anything else.

You consider with a frown, clutching your jacket tighter around you. Rain trickled down from your hair and under the collar of your jacket to soak into your t-shirt. Your once light blue jeans were soaked to a dark navy with the amount of water that splashed up from the road and dripped down your back. For the first time in forever, you wished that it wasn't raining.

Probably should have just gotten a cab, but it's so expensive and-

"Hey baby." Someone calls from behind you.

Can't I just walk home without being hit on? One time?

"Not interested." You shout back, continuing to squish down the cracked sidewalks.

Three shadows peel off the wall of shops to your left blocking your path forward. Each is wearing a dark colored hoodie hiding their faces from view.

Is my luck really this bad? I never hear about Annie getting mugged or Hughie. And Hughie definitely looks wimpier than me.

"Don't be like that baby." The man behind you says.

You half turn your body so you can see all your supposed attackers at once. There are actually two men behind you, both wearing similar hoodies to the three now standing on your right.

Oh look they color coordinated their outfits… cute.

The man opens his mouth again.

"I'm gonna stop you right there." You hold up a finger. "I've been dealing with a horny 104 year old  geriatric man all day long. Please don't push me right now." It was an attempt to warn them, but you knew they probably wouldn’t listen to you.

No one ever does.

"Sounds like you need someone to relax with." The man smirks steeping forward to grab your arm. "I'd be happy to ease some of that tension baby."

"Look. I'm going to give you a chance to walk away. To avoid making one of the biggest mistakes of your life. Because honestly you all have the worst luck in the world." You jerk your arm away from him.

"I like em feisty.” He purrs stepping forward again while the others laugh. “Come on baby-“

He doesn't get to finish his sentence. You grab him around the throat, lifting him in the air like he weighs nothing, your eyes beginning to glow a brilliant green.

“I did try to warn you.”

"She's a supe!" He shouts struggling against your grip.

You throw him backwards into the other man standing to your right before facing the men on your left. Each one has pulled out a knife preparing to rush towards you.

"I get it. Y’all are out late, you bought matching outfits, but do we really have to-“

The first one rushes you, waving his knife through the air in a frantic dance. He doesn't get the chance to make contact with your arm. Vines erupt out of the pavement, breaking through the cracks in the concrete, binding themselves around the man who lets out a savage cry, quickly silenced while the vines continue to wrap around his body until there's nothing left but a mass of struggling green foliage on the pavement and some muffled screams.

He's lucky, could have had him dragged back under ground.

His friends stand there for a moment, eyeing one another as if they're not sure what just happened. You can practically see them trying to decide if you're still worth the trouble.

“Anyone else?”

The battle that follows is swift, the sound of cracking bones and the soft thud of punches landing echo over the soft patter of rain in the night as you dodge their blows and land your own against them. The vines continue to spread outward snatching up the men who fall to the ground in front of you, dragging each one up the street light above that sends yellowed light over the desolate streets. By now each bound body hangs from above like a sack of meat in a meat cooler, moving with the struggling men inside while the muffled cries shatter the still silence of the night.

Sometimes it's really too easy.

And as you begin to turn back someone grabs you by the hair, yanking you into their sweaty embrace. The leader's hot breath sticks to your cheeks, the cool metal of his switchblade pressing down so hard on your throat that you feel the pinprick of blood begin to form under the tip.

“What are you gonna do now bitch?” He snarls in your ear.

"Give you one more chance to surrender." You spit.

Like I'm going to give him the satisfaction of me begging for my life.

"I'm gonna enjoy this-" The man begins to say, pressing the knife deeper into your throat, but the rest of his sentence is cut off with a strangled cry as he's pulled away from you.

 What the hell just-

You turn around, freezing in shock.

Soldier Boy is crouching there in his t-shirt, jacket, and jeans over the man who just had a knife to your throat. His fist rising and falling as he punches the man in the face.

"Don’t you ever touch her." Soldier Boy snarls. His fist is already covered in blood, the man’s face a mass of bloodied tissue and bone.

"Stop you're going to kill him-" You run forward to stop Soldier Boy, but he doesn't stop even when you try to grab on to his hand.

"I said STOP." You shout louder, this time manipulating a vine to wrap around Soldier Boy's arm and restrain it.

Fuck he might already be dead.

"Let me go." Soldier Boy's eyes narrow. The usual green was replaced by a darkened pit with his rage. You'd only ever seen him this mad a handful of times, one of which was when the supe tried to zap you like a fly in one of those insect traps two days ago.

Why is he angry?

"I'm not going to let you go, until you promise not to kill him."

"I should." He snarls back at you.

"What are you talking about?"

He stands from the body, eyeing the last attacker who runs full speed down the sidewalk and vanishes into the darkness.   "I should kill him for trying to hurt you." Soldier Boy says simply.

You wave your hand allowing the vine to let go of his arm. "Where do you come off so high and mighty? You literally tried to kill me last month."

"That was before I-" He shakes his head angrily, eyes still blazing.

"Look I don't need you to protect me. Given what I've had to deal with all day I was looking forward to kicking some ass."

"You did." He smirks nodding his head in the direction of the men hanging from the streetlamp above you. “I just thought that you were outnumbered.”

"Why are you here?" You sigh pinching the bridge of your nose.

"I wanted to go for a stroll." Soldier Boy shrugs. He flexes his hand, before wiping the blood on the front of the sweatshirt of the man on the ground.

"Uh-huh. Well I don't need you to protect me." You say again, crossing your arms over your chest. "I had this handled."

"You sure doll?"

"Look I get it- you think that you're some knight in shining armor because you have this macho complex. But I'm fine on my own." You begin to step around the bodies of the men on the ground moving in the direction of your apartment, but Soldier Boy follows you.

"Where do you think you're going?" You turn to look at where he falls into step beside you.

"You shouldn't be walking home alone."

"Well you're sure as hell not going home with me."

His lip turns up in a smirk, towering over you. Soldier Boy is easily a foot taller than you, so broad that it's impossible to look past his imposing figure. It would be attractive if he wasn't so damn annoying. "Come on sweetheart, I know you want me to go home with you." He purrs with a smile. "I think you'd really enjoy it if I did. And I'll even let you tie me up with those pretty vines of yours." Ben leans in towards your face and you take a step back.

"Hard pass. So what? Is this your big move? Acting all chivalrous just to get a woman into bed with you?"

"That depends, is it working?"

"No. Now go back to the apartment, before I send you there in pieces." You turn back to squish down the sidewalk at a faster pace, hoping he will get a hint and leave you alone. But you knew he wouldn’t stop. He practically thrived on teasing you, had been the bane of your existence since you met him. And nothing seemed to dissuade him.

"What is your problem with me?" He jogs to catch up. "And don't say that it's because I tried to kill you, that was last month-"

"I think that's applicable to this week and the week after that and the week after that." You count out with every finger to further emphasize your point, but you know that Soldier Boy won't give up that easy.

"Are you always this fucking angry?" He almost laughs.

"I don’t know. Are you always this fucking annoying?" You turn to face him narrowing your eyes.

Soldier Boy chuckles at your look, running a hand through his hair that has darkened in the spray of water, his green eyes watching you curiously. They were shinning now, not the blacked pits of hate they were when he was beating the guy two minutes ago. For a second, just for a second, you see how handsome he is all over again.

"Come on, give me a real answer and I'll leave you alone." He's smiling at you now, giving you one of those boyish grins that, if it were anyone else, would make your heart stop.

He just wants sex. He doesn't care about you. He won't ever care about you. Breathe.

"Fine." You sigh. "You might say you're a supe, but you're not a hero. People like you and Homelander, you don't care about anyone but yourself. You use your powers for you and on your own terms. You were going to kill that guy-" You gesture back towards where the body is still on the ground, the man's heart beat is dangerously low.

"He was threatening you. A thank you might be nice." Soldier Boy's cheeks flush as he glares down at you with darkened eyes, his anger surging back in his chest.

"Yes he was threatening me, but I'm okay and you could have just taken him to jail. You didn't have to beat his face in."

"So you're saying if he had been attacking someone else you wouldn't have done the same?"

"I would have subdued him and then waited for the police to get there. The men hanging from the streetlight aren't dead. We aren't the law-"

"Right so those guys can get off with a warning and then go on and do the same thing over and over again." He scoffs rolling his eyes at you.

"It doesn't give you the right to kill them."

"I suppose you don't believe in the death penalty either."

"I believe in the death penalty Gramps. I just don't believe it is our job to carry it out." Your temper was flaring against your skin distracting you from the chill of the rain as it soaked into your clothes.

"Do you have any idea how many women would love to be saved by me?" Soldier Boy asks. He shakes his head as if he can't understand you.

You didn't blame him, most people didn't, that was why you spent most of your time alone.

"I'm not one of them. So leave me alone." You turn to go.

Honestly, why is this the kind of guy I attract? You roll your eyes to yourself. Oh you mean, tall, dark, handsome, gorgeous- The other little voice in your head whispers in your ear. NO. You tell yourself. Please I just want one guy who's not a total dick. Why is that so hard?

"I still don't think it's a good answer." He huffs.

"Of course you don't." You roll your eyes and begin to walk again. The streetlamps above send an eerie yellow glow over the parked cars along the road and over the crackled pavement. If Soldier Boy wasn't here bothering you, you might have stopped to admire the water as it splashed underneath the suspension bridge beyond the crowded buildings, but you wanted to get home. Without him if possible.

You glance over at Soldier Boy again. He looks normal right now, always does when he's not wearing his suit. And when he shut up you could see why people were so in love with him. It was when he opened his mouth that it reminded you exactly why you didn't like him.

You stop in front of your apartment building and force yourself to smile. "Thank you for walking me home." You say through tight lips, hoping that the false sincerity will make him leave.

He gazes up at your building with a frown. "This is a pretty shitty apartment building."

"Thank you. Not all of us inherited millions of dollars from our parents."

He pauses for a moment continuing to look up at the building, before he sighs loudly. "Look, I-." He sighs again. "I can't take listening to Annie and Hughie fucking. They go at it every night and she always makes the power go off."

You knew that already. It was another reason why you didn't like staying at the apartment, because listening to your best friend get railed by her boyfriend was not your idea of a good time.

You look up at Ben, and for a second you see a glimmer of the truth, just a flash of something that wasn't like the misogynistic attitude he usually had and it made you pause. He almost looked, sad and it made you feel bad for him. Of course you felt bad for him before, when you found out his entire team just gave him away to be experimented on and when probably the woman that he'd come the closest to loving really didn't care about him at all.

It must be incredibly lonely to come back to a world where almost everyone you know is dead. Guilt builds in your chest at the thought. I had lost my fair share of people, but not everyone in my life and I certainly didn’t learn about it on the same day.

"You know I think that's the first honest thing you've ever said to me." You say quietly shifting from foot to foot.

He half-smiles. "Maybe."

You chew on the inside of your cheek considering. You weren't afraid of him. You knew that with your powers you could take him. You were stronger than most and harder to kill. And despite the bad things you thought about him and knew about him, you kinda thought he was relatively harmless, well, you didn't think he was a rapist.

"Fine. But you're staying on the couch. And if I wake up and you're anywhere near my bedroom, I'll castrate you." You warn as walk up to the front doors and type in the code to unlock them, with Soldier Boy following behind you.

When you make it to the third floor, you raise one hand to stop him from going any further. It falls against his muscular chest and you fail trying not to admire how it feels beneath your hand.

Why am I so thirsty?

"If you wanted to grab my chest doll, all you had to do was ask-" Soldier Boy begins to say, but you raise the hand to cover his mouth.

"Shh." You hiss. "We have to be quiet or Mike will come out-"

"Who?" He asks, muffled against your hand.

You hear a door down the hallway creak open, spilling yellowed light onto the dark blue carpet of the hallway. "Shit. Too late."

Mike steps out of his apartment with a wide smile as soon as he sees you. "HEY y/n!" He crows, waving his free hand enthusiastically. "I didn't know you were getting in so late, but I wanted to give you this." Mike holds out a giant casserole dish filled with something that you can't identify. It's multi colored with multiple layers, one of which looks suspiciously like rice and the next layer looks like cake.

There's no way I'm eating that. Maybe if I force feed it to Soldier Boy he'll leave me alone.

Mike was your neighbor, your neighbor who had lived next door to you for the past 2 years and was shamelessly in love with you. And as sweet as he was, there were a few things that you couldn't get past, most namely that he lived with his mother and that he had a mullet.

One time you'd had a nightmare about it ripping itself from his head, breaking in to your apartment, and smothering you in your sleep.

Not fun.

"Hey Mike." You smile tightly at him, dropping your hand from Soldier Boy's mouth. "Yeah I'm sorry I was out with some friends."

"You should have asked me to come! I love your friends." Mike smiles so wide you're afraid that it's going to break his face. “Especially Butcher. He’s so funny. Always joking-"

Poor Mike.

Every time that Butcher had come over to talk shop, he would mock Mike endlessly. And Mike was just too sweet to realize it. Hughie was the only one who actively tried to be nice to Mike, but even he found it difficult. Annie was the worst though, she'd tease you constantly about what your children would look like and had taken to photoshopping mullets onto pictures of babies and sending them to you at inopportune times.

"Maybe next time." You cough out an awkward laugh while Soldier Boy snorts behind you.

You continue down the hallway towards your apartment, the door next to his, and hope that he'll go back into his home, but no such luck.

“My mom made this for you!” He holds the dish out towards you.

“Oh um that’s so nice of her. But I can’t except that-“

Mike's mother comes to stand in the doorway of their shared apartment. She was wearing a bright purple Mumu, her makeup caked thickly on her face and her eyes accentuated with bright blue eye shadow. “Sure you can sweetie. You’re Mike’s special friend.” She winks before trailing her eyes up and down your body. “And you’ve got such a cute little figure.” His mother does a little shimmy as if trying to get you to do the same.

Kill me now.

“That’s what I keep telling her.” Soldier Boy purrs behind you.

“Don’t make me kill you.” You mutter back, knowing full well he can hear you with his super-hearing.

Oddly enough Mike does look suspiciously like his mother, they are both the same height, exactly three inches under you, and have the same mullet, but hers is a shocking blue-gray and his is jet black.

He blushes at her words. “Aww mom.”

Soldier Boy muffles a laugh before disguising it into a cough. You elbow him hard in the stomach.

“Well thank you.” You take the casserole dish with one hand, hoping that you can open the door and usher Soldier Boy in before he makes a comment. "I've had a long day and it's really late-"

“I helped her make this one.” Mike interrupts scooting closer to you, so close that you get a lungful of his terrible cologne, the one that the super sells for four dollars and smells like baby powder and Cheez-its.

“A man who can do it all.” Soldier Boy whispers to you.

Mike looks above your head as if noticing Soldier Boy for the first time. “Who’s that? I thought I knew all your friends.”

“He’s certainly very handsome-“ Mike's mother blushes from the doorway.

“Your brother?” Mike offers.

You can see his expression turn hopeful.

Probably thinking about how he can become friends with "said brother" and that will escalate our "relationship." 

“I’m Ben.” Soldier Boy says, stepping around you to shake Mike’s hand. “I’m y/n's boyfriend.”

Your cheeks bloom a bright pink, unable to respond to the ridiculous statement that he just made.

Murder. That's what sounds good right now.

“Oh.” Mike’s face falls. “I didn’t know you had a boyfriend.” His eyes flick back to you, disappointment swimming in the irises.

You watch Mike’s hope begin to circle the drain.

“Well actually-“ You begin, but Soldier Boy interrupts you.

“Sorry I’ve been out of town for a while. We've been trying to do this long distance thing- you know how it is, late night phone calls-“ Ben trails off with a wolfish grin before dropping an arm around your shoulders. “But I just couldn’t take the long distance. Missed her too much. Phone call isn’t the same as sleeping in the same bed. Definitely not as satisfying. Not to mention there’s only so much my hand can do.”

Your cheeks bloom an even brighter red at his insinuation.  That’s when Soldier Boy does something even more unforgivable, he pulls you tighter against him and kisses you right there in front of Mike and his mother. The kiss is searing, making everything in your mind go blissfully blank. It had been so long since someone kissed you, since someone had held you this close to them without trying to kill you. His tongue teases your bottom lip and before you can stop yourself you open your mouth wider to let him in sighing softly against his lips, while you grip the front of his jacket.

For a moment you can’t remember why you didn’t want him to kiss you, why you denied yourself of this for so long. And then Soldier Boy's hand slides from your back to grab a handful of your ass.

Right.

You slap him so hard across the face that you're sure it would have broken the cheekbone of anyone who wasn’t a supe.

But Soldier Boy only grins wider, squeezing your butt again. “She knows that I like it a little rough.” He turns his lazy gaze back to Mike.

You open your mouth to cuss him out.

“Well we should probably get going.” Soldier Boy breezes. “Probably going to be a long night. If you know what I mean. But we’ll try to keep it down. Then again my girl's a little loud.” He winks at your poor neighbor who looks like he might cry, while his mother stands behind him fanning herself like Soldier Boy is everything she wants in a man.

He's ten for ten with the older ladies I'll say that.

“Oh right. Well I guess I’ll see you around y/n.” Mike turns to go.

“Mike wait-“ You try to say but he’s already vanishing through the door.

“Nice to meet you Mark.” Soldier Boy calls at his retreating figure, getting his name wrong on purpose.

You don’t even use your key to open the door you're so mad, the plants inside let you in. As soon as it opens, you haul Soldier Boy by the front of his jacket through the doorway and pin him to the wall just inside.

The casserole dish lands on your counter and by some miracle doesn’t break.

“What the hell is your problem?” Your hand is fisted in the front of his shirt, eyes blazing with anger and embarrassment.

He only grins. “You didn’t want me to play along? Sounded like that guy had been trying to get into your pants for a while. Unless he already has been or you want him to?"

You flush a deeper shade of crimson. "That is absolutely none of your business!"

“Well if we’re going to be living together doll, I’m pretty sure it is my business.”

“WE AREN'T LIVING TOGETHER I'M JUST LETTING YOU CRASH ON THE COUCH TONIGHT AND THEN YOU'RE GONE.” You shout.

“I think you’re gonna get pretty attached to me sleeping here. Maybe even  you let me sleep in your bed and even fu-“

You knock him back against the wall again. “If you finish that sentence I’m going to throw you out the window.”

“If you keep knocking me around, Mike's going to think you’re into some pretty kinky stuff.” Soldier Boy smirks down at you. “It’s actually turning me on a bit. Is it turning you on?”

“I don’t have to let you stay here.” You growl, releasing him.

“I think it’s because you like me.” He teases.

“I don’t.” You frown grows. “Okay couch is there goodnight.”

You point in the direction of the worn leather couch. You'd hauled it up three flights of stairs with Annie when you first moved in after you found a guy online selling it for nothing. And when you showed up to get it, he presumed to say it would be free if you let him take a picture of your feet. And after, when he had a black eye and a fun story to tell his wife, he gave you the couch for nothing as promised.

“No kiss goodnight?” Soldier Boy pouts his lips innocently.

“You already had one of those.” You snap thinking about slapping him again and trying hard not to think about how much you wanted to kiss him again.

Get a grip.

“Right. You liked it.”

“No I didn’t. And the next time you shove your tongue into my mouth I’ll bite it off.”

“You’re really violent for such a little thing.” Soldier Boy eyes you up and down as if sizing you up.

“And you’re really dick-like for someone who’s supposed to have the wisdom of the ages.” You turn towards the hallway intent on going to bed to avoid any more conversation with him.

"Whoa." You hear Soldier Boy say as he looks into your living room.

It was the reaction that everyone had when they entered your apartment. You had a small one bedroom apartment on the third floor of a building that you believed might be older than Soldier Boy. The kitchen and living room was mostly one room, the kitchen to the left with outdated appliances and a small circular wooden table with three chairs that served as your kitchen table and desk, and was separated by the large leather aforementioned couch that faced the wall that held two large windows. Beyond the front door was a small hallway that held the only bathroom in the apartment and your bedroom.

But that's not what was surprising.

Every open space in your apartment was covered in plants. There wasn't a single piece of unused space in your apartment. There were large standing monstera and fiddle leaf figs shoved into every corner and pots of dark green pothos bolted into the walls trailing vines to the ground so that every wall looked alive. Jasmine crept along the wall behind the tv that sat on an antique credenza between the two windows, sending the bright scent into the living room.

There was a large rectangular box bolted in the space above your sink where herbs and tomatoes hung down, probably a fire hazard, but you didn't care. The vibrant smell of mint, the spicy smell of rosemary, and soft tones of oregano and basil fused the air in your apartment with a life force that was impossible to ignore.

A large apple tree grew in a pot as big around as you next to the couch, with brilliant red apples hanging from it's branches, while a lemon tree and a tangerine tree intertwined their branches just behind the kitchen table.  The refrigerator, once white, was covered in the tangled vines of blackberry and raspberry, hanging with full fruit, while a potted strawberry plant sits prettily on top of the kitchen table, the bright red fruit enticing.

It was a lot. You knew it was a lot, but helping plants grow was the only thing you were good at, the only thing that felt right. One day you hoped that you could move somewhere and open a farmers market, but today you were stuck here, with Soldier Boy, who probably thought that you were crazy.

"I mean. I knew you had plant powers but this is-" He begins to say.

"A lot. I know." You roll your eyes. "The bathroom is down the hall." You gesture with your free hand towards the darkened hallway. "I guess I'll get you a pillow."

Ben is still looking around the room dumbfounded, as if he's never seen anything like this in his life, and he probably hasn't.

He's been in a Russian Lab for the past forty years, I mean he's probably not used to seeing anything this green.

You find the extra pillow in the linen closet along with one of the crocheted granny square blankets you made last year when Annie and you had a Jaws movie marathon, and a towel, before you move back into the living room.

Ben is still standing awkwardly by the couch as if he's not sure what to do, and it's the first time you've seen him look lost.

"Here." You throw him the pillow and the towel before you drape the blanket over the back of the couch. "One night."

"Why are you working for Butcher?"

"What?" The question catches you off guard. You were expecting him to make another pass at you, maybe check you out again. He was looking at you, but it was different, his gaze was softer, curious.

"You don't seem like you-" He gestures around the room. "Like you fit."

You blink for a second. "Um."

"I mean Annie used to be one of the Seven, Hughie does whatever the fuck Butcher tells him, but you you're different." His brow furrows together as if he can't figure you out.

"I really don't want to do this with you."

"This?" He looks confused again.

"Opening up with one another. You're here for one night. That's it." You force yourself to say, but the reality was you were still surprised, surprised that he actually seemed to care.

Stop. He's changing tactics because nothing else worked. He's pretending to care about you because he still wants to sleep with you.

"Please."

You can't answer for a second. It was the first time that he'd said that word in front of you before, or acted this way. It was also the first time that it had just been the two of you, before Butcher had been there or Frenchie or Annie and Hughie, but this was the first time that the two of you had been left alone.

Maybe that's why?

You hesitate before you answer, he was the last person you really wanted to open up to.

"I don't know, it's not all that bad." You shrug. "Before I didn't really use my powers all that much except like this." You gesture around the room for emphasis. "And when I went to college everyone was so serious about their futures and I didn't really like any of the classes. The only thing I enjoyed was using my powers at Please Don’t Die, the plant store I work at. And then Annie asked me to come help her out-" You bite your cheek. "She's my best friend and maybe I wanted to spend more time with her."

"But is it what you really want?" He cocks his head to the side, holding the pillow in one hand and the towel in the other.

You'd never seen him look so calm before, relaxed, like being here with you was washing away any anger or frustration he still had about the past. It was confusing, and at the same time you could feel your heart beginning to betray you. It was hard not to fall for him when he looked so good, eyes soft, dark hair falling into his eyes, clothes still dripping rain on your hardwood floors.

No. I will not fall in love with him, I will not fall in love with-

"Goodnight Soldier Boy. I'll see you in the morning." You turn to go, ignoring his final question.

"You can call me Ben." He almost whispers it, the sound of his voice a low rumble that sends a shiver down your spine.

"What?" You look back at him.

"You never call me Ben. But you can, if you want." He shrugs his shoulders, before he shakes his head as if he's annoyed with himself for suggesting it. "Never mind, just fucking forget about it-"

"Goodnight Ben." You feel the end of your mouth twitch up into a smile and with that you disappear into your bedroom, locking the door behind you.

And deep down you know that it's not to keep him out, but to keep you in.

As always, thank you so much for reading!

If you liked this story be sure to read my follow up fic that takes place in the future:

Open Mic Night!

Or if you'd like to read another series please try:

You Call It Madness But I Call It Love!

If The Stars Wish It So

A/N: I know it's crazy to start another series right now, but I'm kinda feeling this reader and Ben together? What do y'all think about it?

A/N: Update I've made a huge mistake and started another series.

If you'd like to be added to the taglist please let me know!

(Photos for series picture from Pinterest)

Taglist: @roseblue373 @mrsjenniferwinchester

[star-41306]

How do y'all think the duffers are going to go about initiating Byler?

I've been thinking about this a lot lately and would love some thoughts on how everyone thinks Byler will progress. This is my opinion on the matter. (PS: this is a very mike centered analysis as I believe his perspective is the most beneficial to the conversation since he is at the center)

Mike is hiding his feelings for Will, but what benefit does this have for those involved? To us, the viewers, we can see the pain Will, El, and Mike experience through this situation. No party is receiving what they truly need to progress their happiness and growth.

El wants a boyfriend who will tell her that he loves her for who she is as a person, not her capabilities. At the heart of this is a need to be understood, but El herself doesn't really know who she is. Her growth is dependent on finding herself without outside influence.

Mike wants a girlfriend to seem/feel 'normal' and cool. He knows who he is but is repressing it. At the heart of this is a need to be desired. Sure, El wants him, but she does not know the truth about Mike. Mike's growth is dependent on someone finding comfort in the real him.

Will wants someone to treat him normal. He knows he's a freak and while he doesn't necessarily try to hide it, he wants the comfort of not being treated differently for it. Will's growth is dependent on the acceptance of those around him.

The existence of a romantic relationship between Mike and El goes against all of this potential growth. Mike idolizes El, never being able to see past her abilities. El is unable to find herself at the cost of being mikes cover. While doing this, he rejects his true self and affection for Will, because he believes he is doing what's right. Simultaneously, Will is left feeling dejected and alone in the disregard of his feelings.

I think Mike has very low self-esteem. It comes with the territory of being a nerdy queer teenager in the 80's. I also, however, believe that when he has enough faith in himself, or the stakes are high enough, he's good at taking charge of a situation. He is selfless, a kind of selfless where you can't always tell he cares for those around him, but he would sacrifice his own comfort and livelihood for the people he loves.

But if Mike is so selfless, why isn't he fixing the situation for everyone involved? Because of one simple fact: He is clueless. He has no idea what he's doing to El or Will.

He may know Will is upset about something while in the Van with him, but that boy has no idea what's going on in Wills head. He might not even realize the painting he got from Will is the one El was talking about in her letter. With everything going on, he probably still thinks will has a girl he likes back up in Cali and this is a completely different painting.

He senses El is upset and won't talk to him, but he thinks it's because she lost to Vecna. He has not even the slightest clue it's partially due to his conditional and untrue love confession. El believes that mike only said he loved her because she finally got her powers back.

Mike thinks he gave El and Will what they wanted. El wanted a love confession? check. Will wanted mike to move on and fix his relationship with El? check. done and done. At least that's what he thinks.

Now that we have motives and perspective out of the way, here's a general idea of how I think the Milkvan-Byler transition will pan out.

We have already established in the show that Will is too selfless to confess, thinking he's saving a perfectly healthy relationship that just so happens to involve the boy he loves and the girl who saved him. There is no way he would break them up on his own, or he would have done that already. The action relies on Mike and El. They both need to respectively decide a breakup is necessary for this to work.

The breakup cannot be prompted by one or the other, it must be prompted by both. Mike cannot be the only one desiring a breakup, because El needs to take her power back and make that decision by herself. At the same time though, El can't be the only one either, as mike needs to accept his feelings on his own and stop being someone he's not. Mike not initiating would also make Will seem like a second option and completely negate Wills growth of being accepted for simply being.

El will have distanced herself from mike tremendously. They may not have broken up officially, but she's realizing Mike is not what she needs right now. She will probably be spending time with Hopper and Joyce training to fight Vecna, and the reminder that that's the only thing mike seems to like about her will only push her more towards her own sense of self. Maybe she still has hope for her and mike, but that is not her focus right now.

While El is distanced, Mike and Will will fall into the same roles they did in season 2. Will will struggle with the supernatural aspects of the plot, while Mike takes care of him and keeps him safe. This will restore Mike and Wills friendship.

Mike simultaneously will realize how much happier he is away from El, because he can't help but act like someone he's not when he's around her. He will also realize the comfort he finds in being relied on by Will. This won't necessarily prompt him into the breakup, as he still believes dating El is the best way he can support her. He might want Will, but he still feels like he can't have him.

I Because of this, El will be the first to initiate, but it will be mutual. I think they will have a long discussion (maybe starting as a fight) about Mikes lies in his speech and the pressure he felt to conform to this relationship. El will share how his actions have not helped the relationship, but instead made them both feel miserable, trapped, and unappreciated. They will realize that the other is not what they need, and though they will both need platonic support through this journey, they just can't benefit each other this way.

While Mike and Will are reconnecting, El will finally notice... everything. The stares, soft voices, comforting, and everything will click. El might need some help understanding though, because even though she did not have a normal childhood, she is still subjected to heteronormativity even if she joined the game late. She will make the connection that that is how she should have been treated, and though they are both boys, I think a sit down with one of the other characters (Johnathan? Hopper? Joyce?) will help her connect the dots.

I think the painting and mikes feelings for Will may become an entirely different discussion later in the season, and this is what will push mike into feeling allowed to want him. The combined acceptance from El, and the implied reciprocation from Will could be the push mike needs for his own self-acceptance.

This will allow Byler to build up in a healthy way where all parties benefit and are able to build even stronger connections with each other. Through honesty, acceptance, and love, all of which have been lacking.

Thank you if you read all of this. Please let me know if you feel like this will go in an entirely different direction in ST5!!!

[swappedandtrapped]

Swapping Research - Part 3

Read part 1 here Read part 2 here

"Fix this." Marcus's voice—Tyler's voice—cracked as he grabbed Alex's shoulders. "Whatever you did, undo it. Now."

Alex stepped back, her face tight with conflict. "It's not that simple. The quantum entanglement that facilitates the transfer has been modified. Tyler asked me to—"

"Show me!" Marcus pointed toward her computer. "Show me exactly what you changed. Now!"

"I can explain," Tyler said, the familiar features of Marcus's face contorted with unfamiliar desperation. "You still have a body, a life. I'm not taking everything."

"Not everything?" Marcus laughed bitterly. "Just my future. My medical school. My brain."

"My procedure wasn't designed for permanent transfer," Alex said quietly, pulling up complex neural mapping on her monitor. "But Tyler convinced me the research value was—"

"Research value?" Marcus stared at her. "You're using us as lab rats?"

Alex's shoulders slumped. "You don't understand. My brother Michael, after his car accident… He's trapped in a body that doesn't work while his mind is intact. This technology could help thousands like him."

"So you used us."

"I used the opportunity," she corrected. "And Tyler was—"

"Show me what you changed," Marcus demanded again.

Alex pulled up a complex neural diagram. "The initial transfer created quantum entanglement between your neural signatures. For temporary transfer, the entanglement naturally degrades. For extended transfer…" She pointed to a modified segment. "I stabilized the entanglement and introduced a selective degradation algorithm that reinforces Tyler's signature in your original brain."

"And destroyed the original components of the device," Tyler added quietly.

Both Alex and Marcus turned their heads to Tyler. Marcus felt the floor drop beneath him. "You what?"

Alex interjected. "This isn't what we talked about Tyler. What the hell?"

"I can't go back," Tyler said, voice breaking. "You don't know what it's like, Marcus. For the first time in my life, I can think without fighting my own brain. I read an entire textbook yesterday. Just sat and read it, front to back, and understood everything." His eyes, Marcus's eyes, gleamed with tears. "Do you know what that feels like? To be smart after a lifetime of drowning?"

"And I'm supposed to live in your body? With your basketball scholarship I can't maintain? With your father constantly on your back?" Marcus's hands shook with rage. "My medical school interview is Monday!"

"I'll nail it," Tyler said. "I've been studying your notes, practicing with your flash cards. This brain, your brain, it remembers everything. First try."

"It's my future!" Marcus grabbed a nearby monitor and hurled it against the wall. The unfamiliar strength of Tyler's arms sent it crashing with far more force than intended. "My life! My parents' sacrifices!"

Alex stepped back, eyes wide. "Marcus, please—"

"My parents immigrated with nothing. Worked double shifts for my education." The words came out in a roar, Tyler's voice filling the small lab. "And you're stealing everything they worked for!"

"You get to be athletic, popular," Tyler countered. "People respect you now. They listen when you talk."

"I don't want that! I want MY life!" Marcus swept his arm across a desk, sending equipment clattering. The physical release felt alarmingly good in Tyler's body, the raw strength an outlet for his despair.

"Marcus, stop!" Alex moved between him and the equipment. "Violence isn't going to solve this."

"What will, then? Tyler destroyed the components." The fight drained from him suddenly, replaced by hollow despair. "I'm trapped."

"Not trapped," Tyler said. "Just… different. I can help you navigate my life, the basketball—"

"Stop talking." Marcus sat heavily. "Monday is the Kellerman interview. The program that's accepted three students in five years. The entire reason I—" He stopped, overcome. "My parents are flying in to celebrate after. They think it's guaranteed."

Tyler's expression changed, a subtle shift in Marcus's features. For a moment, something like guilt crossed his face. He looked away. "I'm sorry, Marcus. I didn't have a choice."

"You had a choice," Marcus whispered. "You just made the selfish one."

---

One month later, Marcus sat on the bench during a crucial conference game, his knee wrapped tightly, watching his team lose without him. His Coach had benched him after weeks of declining performance.

"Reeves, what the hell happened to you?" Barrett had demanded after Marcus missed yet another defensive assignment. "It's like you forgot how to play over summer."

How could Marcus explain that muscle memory wasn't enough? That Tyler's instincts were fading while his own analytical approach couldn't compensate? That each day, his connection to his original life slipped further away?

His phone vibrated. Tyler, checking in with artificial cheer, maintaining the pretense that this was temporary, a research extension: Got the med school acceptance letter today. Your parents are ecstatic. Your mom cried.

Marcus pocketed the phone without responding. Tyler called less frequently now, their conversations strained. What was there to say? "Thanks for maintaining my GPA while I lose your scholarship"? "Enjoying my parents' pride while yours threatens to disown me"?

---

After the game, Marcus returned to Tyler's apartment—his apartment now—and stared at the anatomy textbook he'd been trying to study. The words blurred and swam, his new brain struggling with the complex terminology that once came naturally. Trapped in Tyler's dyslexic patterns, he couldn't retain the information that had once been effortless.

Worse than the academic loss was the sense of his own identity dissolving. He'd catch himself using more of Tyler's phrases, laughing at more jokes he wouldn't have understood before, responding to Tyler's name without hesitation. His memories of childhood felt increasingly distant, replaced by physical memories embedded in this body, how to execute a perfect jump shot, how to charm a date with a specific smile, how to deflect a father's cutting criticism.

He couldn't remember his mother's birthday last week. He'd forgotten the Mandarin phrases his grandmother had taught him.

Even in his dreams, he was Tyler now.

He tried reciting the bones of the hand, his old calming ritual. "Trapezoid, trapezium…" The third bone eluded him. Had it been lunate? Hamate? The anatomical terms that once ordered his anxious mind were slipping away.

His phone rang again. Tyler.

"Hey," Marcus answered, too exhausted for anger.

"Just checking in." Tyler's voice was careful, controlled. "Alex wants more data on our adaptation progress."

"Tell her my adaptation is going great," Marcus said bitterly. "I'm failing Kinesiology despite living in a athlete's body. Forgot my own mother's birthday. Can't read more than ten pages without the words scrambling."

Silence stretched between them.

"I never meant—" Tyler began.

"Yes, you did," Marcus cut him off. "You saw a chance and took it. I just never thought you'd sacrifice my future for yours."

"I was drowning," Tyler whispered. "Every day."

"And now I am." Marcus stared at the basketball on his living room floor. "Congratulations on med school. My parents must be thrilled."

"They are." The quiet pride in Tyler's voice, using Marcus's voice, was unbearable. "Your dad called me 'son' yesterday."

Something broke inside Marcus. "Don't call again," he said. "We're not researching anymore. We're not friends. You're living my life, and I'm disappearing into yours. Just… let me fade away in peace."

He ended the call and picked up the anatomy textbook again, staring at meaningless symbols on the page. He tried once more to remember the bones of the hand, a final desperate attempt to hold onto the person he had been.

But the stranger in his head had already taken up residence, and Marcus Chen was gradually becoming a memory that even he couldn't fully recall.

[k0juki]

Hiii!!

Could you please do a one-shot with jealous! Kimi? Maybe during an interview, he's already had enough and wants to leave, but after seeing a journalist or somebody else trying to flirt with his gf (they both agreed to keep their relationship private), he loses it and once he goes up to her after telling that guy to get lost, he physically relaxes and basically melts to her touch...forgetting that they were surrounded by cameras that had just recorded every second of the exchange.

I'd like to imagine how the other drivers and the fans in general would react to that :))

Thanxx <3

Yur!!!🧊 Sorry it took me too so long...school is pain.

His girl

Kimi Räikkönen x fem!reader

English is not my first language so feel free to point out any mistakes or errors!

More stuff here!

Words: 573

---

It wasn't strange to see Kimi annoyed. Most people that worked with him knew how he could get and this was no different. But what annoys him the most are only two things. 

Firstly, not winning the race and media being dick about it and secondly, when anyone flirts with his girl. Of course nobody knows that you are together, but still, it makes his Finnish blood boil.

And let's just say that today wasn't his best day at all. Not only he fucked up the rece, but as the interview progressed, Kimi patience wore thinner with each passing question. He'd had enough of the same inquiries, the same stupid questions and the same attempts to extract emotions from him that he preferred to keep hidden. Yet, he maintained his ice cool demeanor, answering tersely but efficiently. 

However, his face cracked when he caught a glimpse of someone leaning a bit too close to his girlfriend, Y/n, who was standing just a few feet away, watching the interview with a supportive smile that he loves. She is his safe place. When something happens, he knows that he can go to her. To make him feel loved. 

And when he heard the journalist's flirtatious tone and lingering gaze he held on her, made Kimi's blood boil beneath his calm exterior. In a rare moment of unfiltered emotion, Kimi abruptly ended the interview, muttering something about needing a break and with determined strides, he made his way over to Y/n, who looked surprised at his sudden approach. 

"Hey, is everything okay?" she asked, concern evident in her voice, but Kimi ignored her question and pulled her into his arms possessively, caging her in and casting a sharp glare at the journalist who had dared to encroach on his territory. His girl.

"Get lost" he growled, the words were laced with a dangerous edge and it almost sounded like a threat. Once the unwanted intruder had retreated, Kimi felt a wave of relief wash over him. His tense muscles gradually relaxed as he buried his face in Y/n's hair, inhaling her familiar scent that he loves so much. 

The anger started to melt away and was replaced by a sense of calm and contentment that only she could bring him. Unbeknownst to Kimi, their intimate moment had been captured by the surrounding cameras, broadcasting his uncharacteristic display of jealousy to the world. 

Among the other drivers, reactions varied. Some were surprised, having never seen this side of Kimi before, while others like Sebastian just gave a knowing look, he understood the depth of Kimi's feelings for Y/n. As for the fans, social media and everyone else erupted with speculation and commentary. 

"I think everyone knows that we are together now." You murmured against him. His strong arms still wrapped around you.

"Yeah, but at least they won't be flirting with you before my eyes."

---

In the days that followed, Kimi and Y/n found themselves surrounded by an outpouring of support and affection from fans, friends, and fellow drivers. Despite initially feeling exposed by the public display of their relationship, they soon realized that it had only brought them closer together. 

As they retreated to the quiet sanctuary of their home, Kimi and Y/n reveled in the simple joys of each other's company. They shared laughter, tender moments and whispered words of love that were meant for each other's ears alone. 

---

Requests are open!

Don't copy or translate my work! Also the picture is not mine! Credit goes to owner!

[shiiro-arts]

Question: How can we say Natsu treats Lucy differently compared to the rest of his nakama? We have seen him being angry emotional during Erza "funeral" (in the first season) and his reaction when topic of Lisanna's death comes up. He even blushed when Lisanna used to talk about marriage and all (just before she passed away when Happy and Natsu have another fight). He never really expressed any physical interest in Lucy EVER and is mostly lukewarm in his reactions unless she is in danger or hurt. He didn't even hesitate when he was asked to kiss Lucy.

So how can we say that Lucy is different from all these people? I hope you understood my question.

(PS I am a huge NaLu shipper but I hate how they handle serious moments)

Well, I think that we have to clear something up, and its that Lucy and Natsu are more than Lucy and Natsu.

Natsu's world doesn't revolve around Lucy, and Lucy's world doesn't revolve around Natsu. They are their own persons with their own dreams and goals (and this is completely fine)

Natsu is a very passionate person, who loves his friends and family, he has known Erza and Lisanna since they were children, it is obvious that he will be emotional about their "deaths". Just like he was with future Lucy's.

Why do I think Natsu treats Lucy differently? Well, because he does. Literally. Not only does Natsu avoid any kind of (serious) fight with Lucy, but he is emotionally vulnerable with her, he becomes soft. I'm going to focus on Erza and Lucy because we don't have enough interactions with Lisanna.

Natsu is an extremely violent person, even when Erza was distressed his solution was punching her (even if it was for her own good or not),

Now, we have never seen Natsu use violence to console Lucy (or in general), they are always soft, comforting moments

He just can't hurt her, at least not willingly, it's beyond him.

Just like when he had to fight snake lucy and completely stopped thinking she was back

I want to pinpoint his reactions to different deaths, because even those are different

When Lissana, erza or even Igneel died, Natsu felt helpless and sad

Lucy? He wanted to burn the world down, kill his best friend out of grieve and then kill himself in the process just because he thought he had lost her forever. (I talk about this here)

-.-.-.-

About the physical interest, I kind of disagree, It is true that he doesn't show as much physical desire like other men in FT but he does in his own way. We have seen natsu fantasize over Lucy

be jealous of other men for her attention

and become possessive of her

He is not responsive because almost every time they have a physical moment he sees it coming, is mentally prepared for it or he initiates them.

NOW, what happens when Lucy initiates or he doesn't see it coming?

My man becomes a blushing mess (this is mainly shown in official art tho)

but he never shows jealousy or possessiveness towards erza, because Erza is not Lucy

[403tarot]

. . . ♡ BANGCHAN AS A BOYFRIEND – 남친

to start this, it seems like only recently bangchan truly understood the weight a relationship can carry in someone’s life. in my 2025 reading about his love life, i saw that he went through a major heartbreak, and this year his focus would be more on his professional and mental growth. right now, his view on relationships is that they have the power to elevate someone toward success in many areas of life, but just as easily, they can drag someone down into failure with the same intensity. that’s why he feels that relationships need to be built with preparation and maturity from both sides, not just love.

chan longs for a solid relationship, despite the ups and downs that come with being human. he wants someone who can ride those highs and lows with him. someone who, even when going through personal struggles, doesn’t dump all of that into the relationship or use it as an excuse to treat him badly, be distant, or lash out. just as he’d try to keep those things separate, he hopes for someone who can do the same. (i'd say he’s likely had some tough experiences in that area.)

he’s not into relationships full of constant drama or unresolved issues that drag on forever. people who bottle things up, hold grudges, and throw them back in his face later as a "gotcha!" moment really discourage him. he tends to pull away from pessimistic, emotionally distant people, or anyone who doesn’t believe in the relationship, or in him. that kind of energy is a huge turn-off for him!

on the slightly more negative side, even though he has the will and self-awareness to be proactive, take accountability, and make real changes, sometimes bangchan lets himself get too worn out and prefers to sweep problems under the rug instead of facing them head-on. he might hope they’ll just fade away on their own, but by now i think he’s had enough frustrating experiences to realize that doesn’t really work.

like anyone else, he makes mistakes and has his own flaws, and i'd say this is one area he still needs to work on, especially since it goes against a lot of the values he holds when it comes to building a healthy relationship.

i also see that bangchan wants a private relationship. he seems like the kind of person who would prefer to keep his partner out of the public eye, in a protective kind of way. he’s definitely the romantic, caring type, someone who sees the person he loves as precious and feels a strong sense of responsibility toward them (especially considering how public his own life is).

for him, a relationship should be built by two people equally invested in making it work. and he has that initiative, he wants to dive in headfirst and feel that his partner is just as committed as he is. chan’s very romantic and charming. in a relationship, he sees the person he’s with as The One, someone he envisions a real future with (marriage and all). like, he thinks, “one day, she’s going to be my wife.”

he’s the type to get a little obsessed (in a cute way) with the person he’s dating, and he’s definitely emotionally intense. when he’s in love, the whole world just feels different... brighter, softer, more magical. i think he’s one of those people who absolutely loves being in love, loves having someone to come home to, to hug, to share something beautiful with.

he wants to create a sense of stability and trust with his partner, make her feel safe with him and in the relationship so they can start building a long-term future together. so, that seems to be the mindset he wants both of them to have when they’re in a relationship.

book a reading with me and read me yap about idols being just like this with you 🫵🏼 to get delulu. check my pinned to know more <3

[zukosdualdao]

just… the absolute trust between zutara in the finale is unreal. after zuko’s impromptu training attack session, yes, katara is surprised and even somewhat angry as she confronts him, but when she says “you could have hurt aang!” all it reminds me of is the fact that just a few episodes ago, she literally threatened to kill him if he ever gave her a reason to think he might so something to hurt aang. but here, now, even as she’s confronting him, she just… waits for him to explain, and she actually sees and agrees with his point once zuko tells the gaang about ozai’s plan.

there is also the absolutely, 100% synchronized way they fight during the simulated training session, something that calls back to their synchronization and teamwork in the southern raiders, and that inherently shows a lot of trust and understanding between them.

katara is the one who initially asks zuko what they should do after aang disappears. everyone else agrees, but it's katara who trusts him enough to position him, not just to herself but to everyone else, as someone they should listen to because of his history, skill, and experience, especially noteworthy because the reason she gives—“you are sort of the expert at tracking the avatar”—is what used to make him untrustworthy in their eyes. they’ve come such a long way.

then katara notices zuko freeze and sit in front of iroh’s tent, and when she asks if he’s okay, he just… completely trusts her with exactly what he’s feeling, and if he’s even a little worried that what he’s saying might cause her to act derisively, because what he’s referencing here is also what katara was angry and hurt about, he doesn’t show it. he just so completely trusts her with it, and her insistence that iroh will forgive him is born from her own trust of zuko, and she's able to tell him what he needs to hear because she was once in iroh's position and zuko proved his genuine remorse and care to her.

then, of course, we've got zuko not missing a beat as he asks katara to be the one to come with him to confront azula, and her ready acceptance. they make a good team, and they know it.

but when they get there and azula challenges zuko to an agni kai - though she initially has misgivings, katara ultimately trusts zuko when he says he can handle it and understands that he doesn't want her to get hurt if she doesn't have to. (an aspect of zuko's "i can't explain it, but she's slipping" line that i think gets underexamined, btw, is that that's not an inherently good thing for them. yes, maybe that means zuko will be able to take her, particularly because he knows azula and her fighting style well. but someone who is "slipping" is also, in this case, desperate, and more prone to being reckless with people's lives. zuko tries to mitigate that by fighting her alone, but it doesn't work because azula can't follow the terms she sets when she realizes she's losing.)

the lightning scene is a really interesting example of trust as it relates to zuko and katara, because to me, the emphasis there isn't quite so much on zuko and katara trusting each other. there's barely time for katara to think through what will happen to as azula aims for her or wonder what zuko will do, after all, and zuko is probably in too much pain and too out of it to think about katara coming to try to heal him. (though if they did have the time and mental faculties to think it through, i think they would both 120 percent trust the other to help them.)

instead, the emphasis is on the audience trusting the characters. from the moment zuko sees where azula's aiming, he doesn't hesitate, doesn't even think about, just. immediately jumps in front of the lightning before it can reach katara. i've said this before, but as soon as he understood what was happening, there was just no chance of that lightning ever getting to katara and that's the point. we've seen what zuko looks like when he's hesitating or conflicted, and the difference is stark. the show never wants you to question exactly what zuko will do, that he refuses to let katara get heart, that he'll save her.

and for her part, katara immediately runs to try and save zuko despite azula still being around and attacking, and tries again before realizing she needs to defeat azula in order to do so. but the entire scene of katara's defeating her, while obviously heroic and emblematic of katara's power and the culmination of her arc as a girl whose culture and identity was nearly stripped away from her to being a master waterbender, is also framed as katara defeating azula so she can get to zuko. she would have done it anyways, yes, but in this context, right now, she is fighting azula so she can get to zuko to heal him.

here, in the narrative culmination of their arcs together, it shows not just that they trust each other, but asks the audience to not doubt the development of the dynamic that’s been built, to trust that they will take care of each other. and they do.

[sparrowlucero]

I'm a lil confused, which line exactly did they confirm that the midnight creature causes you to kill other people?

I understand that the doctor suggested aliss's deafness made her immune to whatever the creature was saying (I understood this more as her being immune to becoming full on possessed a la midnight but idk), but Belinda didnt seem to have any murderous urges when it attached to her and neither did mo at the end? also why would the creature force you to physically kill ppl when it was having more fun inciting paranoia to get people to kill eachother and using the "behind you" gambit thing to kill people itself?

idk maybe I'm misreading things, there was a lot of confusion in ep for me over the exact rules the creature was following, esp wrt the switcharoo at the end. much to think about.......

yeah the episode says that everyone on the base went crazy, with aliss being the only one unaffected by this since she can't hear it; my understanding is that, rather than the uninfected people ganging up and killing the infected one out of paranoia and becoming infected themselves (rinse and repeat), the infected person (like her friend) became violent in some way and started trying to kill each other, and the reason she isn't also behaving this way is because it thralls people verbally:

but then they also repeatedly suggest that everyone was murdered out of paranoia over seeing the parasite until only aliss was left, as we both understood the premise:

(side note, I'm actually not sure of the significance of the half broken/half shot thing - they play it like a twist, but I can't really conceptualize the specifics of what happened at the mine before the soldiers showed up? I think maybe they wanted to have that beat where it gets killed by its reflection but in getting there lost a bit of clarity)

It's all pretty rough; the immunity aspect really moves it from 'they killed each other one by one out of fear to try to off the creature until it was just aliss left' to something I don't think really coheres together. I do strongly suspect the whispering was probably a messy last minute rewrite after the actress was cast to incorporate the character's deafness in the plot in some way, hence why it doesn't actually show up in the episode wrt belinda and mo (it's possible that this replaced some other immunity in an earlier script, but it seems more likely to me that this aspect simply just didn't exist at first and she was meant to be alive just because she was the last one left, as she directly says) And yeah I'm pretty positive something in the switcharoo ending got changed and that's why it feels kind of confusing/the rules of the creature are a bit different out of nowhere. Who knows what lol, I think they probably initially wanted a reveal that the captain jumping down the well was all for naught because it never left aliss at all and wasn't even in the room during the episode's climax; there's even a punchy shot specifically showing that there's 4 individuals on the lift (despite there only being 3)

[delfiore]

—MONTAUK.

pairing: alexia putellas x reader

synopsis: you remember how it used to be whilst dealing with how it is now.

word count: 2.1k

a/n: alexia baby come home the kids miss you 🥲 this was the clairo - bags fic i promised months ago but now the premise feels completely different and i've changed the title also lol. a lot happens to one's state of mind in 3 months.

After.

Under normal circumstances—as much as normal was nowadays—the silence in the apartment would feel like a blanket of comfort. It meant you were having a rest from your hectic days training and playing matches, it meant you could finally relax with the love of your life; it meant peace.

Now, the silence was deadly. It was sucking up the life in every room in this apartment, and it was draining the life out of you too.

The door clicked, and you shifted in your spot on the couch, quickly shutting off your phone on which you had bullet points typed out in the Notes app—bullet points of things you wanted—needed—to say, to lessen this inevitable pain. You cracked a smile when you heard tiny feet pattering on the floor, just as the little Pomeranian came to greet you with loving licks.

Nala was oblivious to the cracks that had been forming in her home, that have been left unamended for too long with the thinking that they would go away with time. You dreaded thinking of the day when the little pup came home from a walk and you weren’t there anymore. Would she miss you? How long until she starts to forget you?

“I got us dinner.”

“Cool,” you said, breathing in deeply. “You wanna eat now, or . . . ?”

“Sure.”

You helped her unpack the food without another word, the only sound heard was the clanking of plates as you pulled them out of the cupboard and set them on the kitchen island.

Alexia didn’t say anything either, just gingerly put the food on the plates. You felt her stiffen slightly as you walked towards her and placed a soft kiss on her shoulder.

She offered you a small smile—a forced smile—and brought the food to the table.

You cursed yourself and wished you hadn’t done it.

Before.

“And that concludes the tour of our facilities. Any questions?”

“No, I’m good.” You were way too excited to think about anything else other than the Barcelona crest on your chest.

“Great. Then, how about we go meet your future teammates? Some of them should be in the weight room.”

Patri greeted you initially, first in Spanish, then in English once she realized you weren’t catching on. Jana and Salma followed suit with friendly handshakes and quick hugs. It left the captain to be the last. And there she was; la Reina herself.

You were surprised to find that she was rubbing her hands together, waiting for her turn, almost like she was nervous. As you came to know her, you understood that she was in fact nervous when meeting new people, a polar opposite to the confident leader she was on the pitch.

But you saw the way her hazel eyes fixed on you, and as you approached her, a lingering smile played on her lips. Your heart suddenly leaped in your chest, and your cheeks felt embarrassingly warm, which you hoped she didn’t see.

You had admired her from afar, looking up to her as a role model in the game, but now that you were seeing her up close, something stirred inside you. There was something so endearing about Alexia’s shyness where you had expected assertiveness. It made her feel more down-to-earth, more like your teammate rather than a mythical figure up on a pedestal. One look at her and you understood why people had talked so highly of her—how could they not?

Extending a hand towards her, you had made your greeting, but she pulled you in for a firm and generous hug.

And that’s how they started—the butterflies, the attraction, the yearning—and they never went away.

After.

You decided that you were going to do it after dinner. Doing it during dinner is just tacky and downright disrespectful. You’d hate to be crying into your takeout after telling your girlfriend you wanted to break up.

When you snapped out of your train of thought, you realized that it was way too quiet. Alexia was eating on the other side of the table, scrolling through her phone as she did.

“Did you see Claudia’s banger of a free kick today?” You asked, smiling slightly.

Alexia looked up briefly from her phone. “Si. Really good.”

A curt answer. You nodded, and silence ensued again.

You didn’t talk to Alexia much these days. You used to be able to talk to her about anything, even in the beginning when the both of you were still testing the waters to see where you stood. When did it become like this?

Before.

Practice was going swimmingly. You found yourself catching on quickly with the rest of your teammates. Alexia has made it her mission as captain to make you feel welcome. “Anything you need, ask me,” she would say in English. You wanted to, but every time you thought about talking to her, your hands would sweat and you needed to practice what you were going to say to her. You weren’t scared that she wasn’t going to understand you, but because you knew you’d make a fool out of yourself tripping over your words.

“Hey, Alexia,” you said after practice, “I don’t know the city that well, and—well—since you do, would you be willing to show me around?”

“Si, claro.” She answered and looked around the field. “Maybe I can ask some of the girls to come with? They might know things to do that I don’t.”

Later she would explain to you that she panicked and that she knew she would be weird about it, thinking it was a date when it really was just a little outing between teammates. You wished she had treated it like a date, though, and was slightly disappointed when she mentioned bringing your teammates. Still, you had a great time watching Mapi banter with Lucy and Mariona while Alexia played the role of the disappointing mom trying to restrain her children.

You were grinning thinking back on the day when you came home. Her bashful smile after she offered to drive you home was so unlike anything you had pictured in your head before coming to Barcelona. You loved her calm nature, something that made her such a reliable captain, but also an endearing human being.

After.

You stayed seated by the dinner table and you watched her load the dishes in the washer. The scene was void of music that she would sway her hips to or a hearty conversation about a random fact she learned from one of your teammates. Now it was just robotic, lifeless movements, and your heart squeezed at the thought of what it used to be.

The end is near.

Somewhere, somehow, you gathered the courage to speak up. “Wanna watch a movie?”

And to your surprise, she turned around and said, “Sure.”

For a second, you let yourself hope that there was still something salvageable from this ruin. Then you realized that you had been here many times before, and everything accumulated and led you here to this moment.

Before.

“Really?! You’ve never seen Mean Girls?”

Alexia shook her head and chuckled. “I didn’t watch a lot of movies, Y/N. Growing up, all I had time for was football.”

“Yeah, but . . . I mean, it’s Mean Girls. That’s just a crime,” you clicked your tongue. “We’ll have to catch you up on all the classics.”

The discussion had been prompted by the imminent movie night at one of your teammates’ places. The movie of choice was Mamma Mia!, and you had been most excited to rewatch it. You and Alexia arrived together after an outing in town, and since you did so late, you both were in charge of stocking up the snacks.

“And by that, I hope you mean . . . you and me,” Alexia stuttered, leaning against the kitchen counter, waiting for you to fill your bowl with popcorn.

Your lips curved up. “Yes, I mean me and you. Just me and you.”

Your captain grinned too, like a devious little kid. “Good. Just making sure.”

“¿Qué diablos está tardando tanto? (What the hell is taking so long?)” Patri called from the living room. “¡Más te vale no estar besándote en mi cocina! (You better not be making out in my kitchen!)”

You let out a surprised laugh, as Alexia cursed under her breath, wishing silently that the girls in the living room would just shut up and stop snickering. Once the bowls in your hands were filled to the brim, you turned to her with a knowing look.

“I wouldn’t have minded, you know.”

“Mind what?”

“If we were making out,” you said before leaving Alexia in the kitchen to soak in your words.

She found a seat next to you after taking a minute to calm her racing heart so that you wouldn’t notice how crazy you drove her. She felt like a teenage girl having a silly crush, but there was nothing silly about the way you looked at her. And when you put your head on her shoulder midway through the movie, she knew she was gone. Patri saw it too across the couch apparently, and her knowing grin made Alexia want to bury herself inside a hole. While she wasn’t particularly into romcoms, she was already looking forward to watching Mean Girls with you, her fleeting heart hammering in its cage at the thought of getting you alone again.

After.

The silence was deafening. You didn’t dare to look over to Alexia to gauge her reaction. The screen continued to play the movie, blissfully unaware of an earthquake that had suddenly roared to life in the space on the couch between you and Alexia.

You swallowed. She hasn’t spoken for hours.

Then, she turned to you and said, “Okay.”

Okay.

You drew a sharp breath and nodded with finality. “Okay.”

The movie was still playing, though. It was one of your favorites, but it made you cry every time you watched it because you were so touched by the story and its main characters. It was about a man—grief-stricken with the loss of his relationship—who decides to get his memories of his girlfriend wiped, but during the process, he relives everything he shared with her and slowly rues his decision. You used to enjoy it because their story was fictional, but now it all felt like one big joke, like you were one of the characters in the movie, inching towards a certain endgame that you couldn’t escape.

You wondered if there were a different script written out for you and Alexia.

“Let’s finish the movie though, yeah?” She said, finally looking over to you.

You hadn’t expected that look on her face when you looked back at her—it was something almost like desperation.

Like it meant something to her.

You nodded. It was the least you could do after dumping her. What kindness, after the neglect she had shown you, what kindness.

Before.

Alexia was shaking when she brought the two glasses of wine out to her living room, where you sat. Nala, the ever-excited little puppy that she was, followed her like a personal little cloud.

“I heard it was going to be a sad movie, so wine it is.” She said, handing you your glasses.

“It’s a cult classic, trust me. It’s one of my favorite movies ever.”

“Well, I liked Mean Girls, so I trust you.” The truth was, she would have watched any movie with you, as long as it was with you.

You were right, it was quite sad. When she looked over midway through the movie, she could see a glossy streak running down your face. You laughed it off and wiped your tears away, embarrassed that you had cried in front of her, but Alexia thought you were the prettiest.

With feather-light touches, she reached over and brushed the tip of her fingers over your cheekbone. She knew there was no going back if she went ahead with this. She wondered if there was a script written out for you and her already, and she was just following it on its path.

Her lips brushed against yours softly, and only once she felt that you started to kiss her back was she brave enough to put her hand around your waist and pull you closer.

You were grinning so wide when she pulled away, that she thought it might have been a prank and you were somehow in on it. But you put your arms around her neck and pecked her lips again.

Whatever script it was, Alexia was sure it would be one of fairy tale endings and happily ever after, because that is what you believe when you’re in love.

a/n: the movie is eternal sunshine of the spotless mind btw. made me ugly cry.

[leenathegreengirl]

Tech's Encrypted Files Entry 2

Tech's Encrypted Files [Initiating connection…] [Connection successful. Transmitting…] Subject: Tech - Personal Journal Entry 2

I’ve observed a shift recently. It’s subtle, but undeniable. What was once a straightforward, platonic dynamic with Marina has transitioned into something more complicated—more physical. I miscalculated the extent to which her attractiveness would influence the relationship. Initially, I presumed it was only her presence, her energy, that I was reacting to, but there is more at play here. The evening we watched the migration of deep-sea fish crystallized this shift for me. I felt an overwhelming emotional response, not due to the fish themselves, but because of something within me that had been repressed for a long time.

Watching those bioluminescent creatures in the dark depths made something within me... surface. I can’t articulate it entirely, but I felt it—an emotional reaction I haven’t allowed myself to experience in a long time. I realized that, for years, I’d been holding back parts of myself. I’ve kept them suppressed, thinking them unnecessary, illogical, or counterproductive. But with Marina, I find myself revisiting those parts of me. They’re not as inconvenient as I once believed. And with her, I feel a sense of safety that makes it possible to confront them without fear.

When we embraced that night, the feeling was different. It wasn’t just physical proximity; it was a release, a clarity I hadn’t anticipated. The impulse was natural, unforced. And for the first time in a long time, I didn’t overanalyze. I simply existed in that moment. The shift wasn’t intellectual. It was more intuitive than I’m accustomed to.

I’ll admit, I owe Crosshair an "I told you so." Though I know he’d never expand on his analysis of my situation, I do acknowledge he understood my feelings better than I did. He’s more perceptive in certain areas than I am. But even now, I’m still processing the full extent of this new dynamic with Marina. I’m not sure I have the complete understanding I’d prefer, but I recognize that something significant has changed.

There’s something else I need to address. The timing of this development. The divorce with Leena was largely amicable, but it was recent. We’ve been apart for only a few months. I did not initiate the split until recently, though emotionally I had been detached from the relationship for much longer. That detachment wasn’t immediate. It took a time to fully disengage, but once it did, it became clear that the connection between us was no longer what it once was. Leena and I drifted, and the emotional separation occurred gradually—though I wasn’t always forthcoming about it. Now, I find myself in a position where I’ve met someone new, and it feels... premature.

I recognize that others may find this problematic, especially considering how quickly things have progressed with Marina. I’m concerned it will upset people we care about, those who were close to both Leena and me. Perhaps they’ll view this as a violation of some kind of emotional decorum. But the truth is, I am a single man now, and I don’t owe anyone an explanation. I do, however, carry some guilt. I’m still adjusting to the fact that I’m no longer part of a couple, and it’s difficult to balance the guilt of moving on so quickly with the reality that I’ve been emotionally separated for some time. It’s hard to reconcile those two thoughts.

What I don’t want is to feel like I’m carrying the burden of other people’s expectations. I’ve processed my own detachment from the marriage, even if it’s not yet fully understood by those around me. I’m not obligated to continue carrying that guilt just because I’m now technically single. I’ve reached the point where I’m allowed to move forward, regardless of external opinions.

I also need to clarify that I do wish the best for Leena. It’s clear now that I never fully allowed her in, though I do not believe she ever did anything to deserve that. I was too rigid, too prideful, and I see that now. She deserves happiness, and I hope she finds it with someone who can appreciate her as she should be. I certainly wasn’t fair to her in that regard. We were ultimately; misaligned.

As for Marina, the relationship between us is undefined. It has evolved from something purely friendly into something more intimate, but I have no clear framework to label it yet. There’s no need to rush that process. I am content to let it evolve naturally, without imposing unnecessary labels. That alone feels like growth for my personal development.

I’ve noticed that the comfort and attraction I feel toward Marina are rooted in something complex. There’s something deeply aligned between us—her quirks, her mannerisms, her approach to the world, as they resonate with me in a way few people do. I’ve always been... different, in ways I’ve struggled to articulate. It’s not that I don’t understand others, but there’s a level of connection I’ve rarely found. Marina’s presence doesn’t require an explanation, nor do her behaviors feel foreign. She operates in a similar space, with a mentality and rhythm I recognize. I can be myself with her in ways I’ve never allowed anyone else. This connection feels natural.

I will, however, keep this to myself for now. I am not prepared to discuss it with anyone—not yet, at least. I need time to understand what this is before I share it with others. The uncertainty of the situation, the ambiguity, makes it easier to keep it private until Marina and I have a clearer understanding of where this is heading.

In the meantime, I can’t ignore the potential for something positive here. The emotional openness I’ve been avoiding for years out of my own fear, is starting to feel possible again. There’s a sense of optimism in that, even if I don’t have all the answers yet. I’m simply allowing myself to explore this without the constraints I’ve put on myself for so long.

And maybe, just maybe, this is the beginning of something I’ve been denying myself for far too long.

End transmission.

A more detailed account HERE

Tag List:

@legacygirlingreen @thora-sniper @thecoffeelorian @neyswxrld @somewhere-on-kamino @clonethirstingisreal @royallykt @morerandombullshit @burningfieldof-clover @tbnrpotato @keantha @returnofthepineapple @antisocial-mariposa @techs-stitches @resistantecho @kimiheartblade @dezgate @sunshinesdaydream @rex-targaryen @freesia-writes @heidnspeak @queenjiru @commanderfury @kyda-atshushi @deezlees

@thebadbatchfan @justanotherdikutsimp

@aknightreader

Art by @leenathegreengirl

Story by @legacygirlingreen (OC Marina belongs to her)

[kawhh]

To anyone who was affected or reached by Brynn's (sweetestdesire's) actions who might see this and any of her anons - if you're comfortable to read a direct apology from her and think it'll help you heal or at least understand her actions, or if you were an anon wanting to still be in contact with her and also read the apology, she's coming back tomorrow. She's coming back as @angelichughes and I wanted to take the time to let people know but to also explain why I think she should be heard out and why I believe she's learnt the lesson, has grown as a human being and understands how things went wrong and what she can do to make sure she never falls into the hole she did again.

Everyone who was hurt by her actions doesn't ever deserve to go through it again in any shape or form - her actions were wrong, it shouldn't have happened and shouldn't have dragged on long as it did. I've always understood the frustration from anyone who was hurt and especially those who had reached out and talked with her in the past - I still don't agree with how it was handled and I never have and I don't agree with anyone who was using the situation for drama points or dragging it on.

I'm not saying that was everyone, but this is also tumblr and we're all responsible for being better role models with how we handle drama and conflict. There are children here and they deserve the best from people.

But I do understand how some people felt trapped and felt like they had no other option but to deliver the initial message in the way that they did.

I'm not here to apologise for her actions. I'll be perfectly clear in that. This is NOT what this is and I'm saying all of this because I can see a real change in her and want to help people get what they need or want.

I'm not going to sit here and discuss all of the reasons and explanations and any other details - people deserve that to come from her and I also understand how some people will never want to even hear another word from her and you have no responsibility to hear her out or see her name again.

When I've been hurt in the past, it's helped me often to have an explanation for the actions even if I haven't ended up fully agreeing or understanding or wanting to change my opinion or view after reading it.

I've also had situations where I've blocked any mention of their name because I just don't want to see anything and I'm hoping by mentioning the username that I can also help with that part for people.

I'm not in her brain and I've never pretended to be in her brain, but I can see a full, genuine difference and understanding in her behaviour and her mindset after it's happened. I want to be clear about that - if I didn't see a difference and thought she was the same person with the same understanding, I would not be supporting her like this and I would not be typing this.

I do believe that she needed the shock and needed the blow for it to fully sink in for her, to drag her out. A way her brain couldn't skip over as she fell deeper into the hole.

After spending a month talking to her, I fully understand how everything happened for her and how it did happen, but there's no illusions about how she should've dealt with it and reached out. It's not an excuse coming from me or coming from her, but it'll be the honest explanation and reasons why she did it and I hope that can help people in some way.

I fully believe she understands the hurt she caused and how it went wrong at each turn and how she needs to be better for both everyone else and also herself. I believe she's honestly regretful and not just for being caught out - but for her actions as they were.

That can mean nothing to you and that's also fine, but if that does mean something to you, I'm 100% confident in every word I say.

I'm thankful for the anons of hers who have continued to send asks my way to send to her - she hasn't taken any of this lightly and hasn't avoided any of the emotional damage to both herself and everyone she hurt and interacted with and seeing some of you still wanting to understand and wanting her to heal and be a better person has meant a lot to her and myself.

I understand if any of you would be nervous about interacting with her again, but if you would still like to interact with her and give her a chance to show you how she's developed and how she wants to continue to grow with you, I would be grateful.

I also understand that there's anons who have been hurt by her actions and have distrust in all of her previous actions and interactions with you and I repeat that if you're comfortable with it, I think hearing her apology is the least you deserve.

As a final piece, I'm going to make it very clear that I'm not going to tolerate hate sent my way or sent to anyone who does interact with her. Like I said earlier, we all have a responsibility to be better on this platform and any other platform online.

I understand being hurt, but there's a difference between being hurt and asking for an explanation and being hateful. Asking her for answers and expressing hurt is always going to be fine, but we're also all humans who make mistakes and nobody deserves the kind of hateful messages some people on here send with no regard for any human being on the other side of the screen. Some people would do well to ask themselves how they would feel if it was them or someone they cared about getting some of the pure hate some of you send. Not just even this - even simple things like someone not liking a player you like.

I don't tolerate it when people send me hate. I will not tolerate it being sent to her friends.

Being actually hateful towards someone will not help you. It will not help you heal. It will not bring you comfort or satisfaction. It will not make the situation better for anyone. That's my stance on any behaviour like that on this website.

I'm also not going to be doing a personal Q&A. This is my statement and she'll make hers.

I will also understand if I'm blocked for my stance on this by anyone who was hurt - I will be interacting with my friend and I will be doing it publicly. I believe in her and the changes she's made and I'm very proud of all her development. I see someone who understands the situation and genuinely wants to be better for herself and everyone on this app daily.

I'm tagging a few of you - but I also have no expectations and have no right to ask anyone to read or forgive or be friends with her again. Everyone needs to do the right thing for themselves.

@hughesinthebox @zzbubblegumbitchzz @ruinix @rowdyluv

[thepenguinweeb]

Helloooo! I was wondering if we could get some yandere Josuke crumbs? He’s my favorite jojo and I love your writing sm 😭 Thank you for keeping this fandom alive and enjoy your p4 rewatch!! 🤍

`` By your side. ``

[ ♡ Yandere!Josuke X reader ]

[ ♡ Josuke didn't mean for this to happen.. he didn't think he could ever feel this way. But you. He can't control his feelings for you. ]

[ ♡ Requested by : anon !! <3 ]

[ ♡ A/N : ahh tysm anon !! I'm definitely enjoying it so far, I forgot just how much I loved part 4 😭 I'd be happy to deliver you some yandere Josuke !! ]

[ ♡ Word count : 1.4k ]

Divider by @/cafekitsune !! :D

Josuke was always popular with the ladies. His usually laid-back demeanor was something many people liked about him.

But he never reciprocated anyone's feelings. None of the people who liked him were the kind he was looking for..

Until he found you.

You became friends with Josuke and Koichi on your first day, having been put in the same class. Coincidentally, you also happened to live next door to Josuke, which allowed the two of you to hang out with each other a lot more often.

At first, all seemed well. It didn't take long, however, for Josuke to catch feelings.

His love for you was something he found frightening, honestly. When he imagined being in love in the past, it felt nice and warm. But this was.. different.

His constant urges to be by your side. To hold you. To protect you. To kiss you.

He wanted you all to himself.

And it was terrifying.

He'd tried to ask for advice from his friends, but he didn't get much that he could use.

"Don't worry so much, Josuke-kun. Just keep being yourself, I'm sure Y/N will appreciate it!"

"Ya like someone? Like, for real? Dude.. uh, I dunno, take 'em out on a date. Get ice cream with them, or somethin'."

So, he had to turn to his last resort.

"Right.. what's this about, Josuke?"

Yukako twirled her long, dark hair between her fingers as she stared at her classmate. Her already sharp features were emphasized by the way she looked at him.

Josuke didn't want to do this. He didn't want to go and ask Yukako, of all people, for advice. But.. she actually had a boyfriend, and it looked as though she understood romance well enough.

And, in the back of his mind, he had to admit that the two of them were now more similar than he initially thought..

Thus, he swallowed his pride, took a deep breath and began.

"Yukako! I really need your help with something!" He clapped his hands together. "You're good with this.. romance thing, right?"

The girl raised an eyebrow at that. "Are you.. asking me for romantic advice?"

"Well.." he let out a sigh and rubbed the back of his neck in a sheepish manner. "Yeah, I am. I just.. there's someone that I like. But these feelings, they just feel so.. overwhelming and strong." He looked up at Yukako, his expression uncharacteristically pleading.

"That's only natural," she told him. "It's just the feeling of true love."

He had to admit, the confidence in her tone did convince him a tad.

"But.. are you sure? I mean-" he ran a hand trough his perfectly combed hair. "I get a little jealous whenever they're talking to anyone else. I know it's wrong, but.. I want them to be with me. Only me." He paused. "Do you have any idea how I could do that? Yknow.. preferably skipping the kidnapping part."

Yukako tapped her finger against the table. She let out a humming sound as she thought about it for a bit.

"You're good friends with this person, aren't you," She told him, more of a statement than a question. "You should start giving some clearer signs. They'll never get the hint if all you do is hang out with them, and make lingering eye contact or whatever."

Yukako had a point, he thought. If he wanted you, he needed to be the one to initiate.

"Right.. thanks, Yukako!" He exclaimed, his expression now back to the same upbeat one he usually had.

Yukako seemed satisfied. Though, before her conversation partner could leave, she grabbed his wrist. "Just remember this, Josuke," she said, "The more they depend on you, the better."

The sun was going down in the horizon. It cast a warm glow on the group of teenagers who walked trough Morioh's streets, in the midst of ending their little weekend hangout.

"...just like I said. Ya can't tell me I was wrong!"

Okuyasu had just finished another rant, which you and the others were obligated to listen to.

"Yeah, Okuyasu, you're so right!" Josuke exclaimed, at which point you weren't sure if he was just saying that to boost his friend, or if he even listened at all.

"Uh-huh," Koichi chimed in. "Anyway.. I'll turn the corner here, guys. See you tomorrow!" He waved at the three of you, pausing for a moment. "Oh, and thank you for the donuts, Y/N!"

"Don't mention it." You smiled at the short boy. "See you tomorrow."

You just barely caught the angry look Josuke had for a split moment.

Once each of you said your goodbyes, you continued on, just the three of you, until you passed by Okuyasu's house, where he left.

Just you and Josuke now.

You and the Josuke who'd been acting different around you all day, who didn't leave your side or let you out of his sight for even a moment, who's gaze seemed to linger on you more than anything else.

You cleared your throat. "Soo.." you tried to start a conversation to fill the silence between the two of you. "How's Tomoko?"

"She's doing fine, don't worry," he replied.

"That's good. Just wanted to make sure, since, you know.. the whole Kira scare."

The boy let out a sigh and his eyes darkened slightly at your mention of Kira. "Yeah..." was all he said in response.

More silence. Only the sound of the breeze and your own footsteps could be heard over the ambience of Morioh.

Then, you felt Josuke's hand grabbing your own. When you looked back at his face, he seemed nonchalant about it. So, you didn't think too much of it.

"You know.." he broke the silence, his voice more serious now. "I was pretty worried about you while Kira was alive and loose. I mean- I know I could heal you with Crazy Diamond, but.." he sighed. "I still couldn't bear to see you get hurt."

He squeezed your hand. Your expression became more gentle upon hearing his words. "Oh, Josuke.." you murmured. "You shouldn't be worried about me. I'll be fine. You're by my side, after all."

He looked at you with a soft smile. "Yeah. By your side, always."

You stopped in your tracks, both of you having arrived to your houses.

"Well.. thanks for today, Josuke." You smiled. "See you tomorrow."

"Mhm." He reluctantly let go of your hand. "I'll be looking forward to it!"

You went your separate ways.

And, despite it seeming odd at first, Josuke's sudden insistance on being close to you didn't seem all that bad.

This is bad.

Josuke tossed and turned that night, but he couldn't fall asleep. He couldn't get you out of his mind.

You occupied all his thoughts, which he both loved and hated.

He loved you.

He couldn't deny anything anymore.

If he didn't confess soon, he would lose his mind.

So, he crawled out of bed as quick as possible, and without making too much noise in order not to wake his mother, snuck out.

It was very convenient for him that you were his neighbour aswell.

He made his way to your bedroom window. Just as he thought, you'd gone to sleep by now.

In the most silent way possible, he opened the window and slipped inside.

There you were, sleeping so peacefully in your bed. Like an angel.

His initial plan was to make this as quick as possible, then leave. But.. he had such a hard time leaving you.

He just stood there, watching over your figure. Getting lost in his imagination. He hoped that one day he could share a bed with you, and hold you all night until both of you were fast asleep.

But he couldn't do any of that yet.

Eventually, he decided that he needed to leave before you woke up. But not without taking something first.

He opened your closet as quietly as possible, and, without putting much thought into his actions, took the nearest piece of clothing.

A hoodie. Your hoodie. With your smell on it.

He let out a content sigh at that. He'd return it, of course.. probably.

Now, only one last thing to do before leaving.

He slipped a note onto your bedside table. Then, with some hesitation, he went back the same way he came.

The morning light of the sun seeped in trough your window. You opened your eyes, begrudgingly getting out of bed and going to make yourself some coffee.

The caffeine certainly helped. And now that you felt more refreshed, you noticed the small piece of paper waiting for you on your bedside table.

You picked it up to see it.

" Meet me at Tonio's at 9. Please don't be late. " - ♡