#like i see the most 'chemistry' between him and rosie anyway

[koko-heads]

something interesting is that so many ppl are quick to ship alastor/vox and alastor/lucifer but when it comes to alastor/rosie everyone's sooooooo adamant that they're just friends lol

[allgirlsareprincesses]

Love At First Sight (2023)

Okay, we’re going to talk about the new Netflix romance directed by Vanessa Caswill, Love At First Sight, because I’m seeing almost no chatter about it and that cannot stand. Full disclosure, I’ve never read the book on which this movie is based, The Statistical Probability of Love at First Sight, so I’m reacting only to the film (which I’ve now seen 4.5 times in 2 days).

The Surface Reading

It’s a perfect, tight, adorable little RomCom that’s heavy on the Rom and light on the Com, with a wrenching dash of angst and the most hair-twirling chemistry between two leads that has graced our screens in years. Truly, if all you want is 90 minutes of two actors being saccharine precious cinnamon rolls, look no further!

There are simple takeaways here, like that chance can only take you so far, but in the end you have to choose to love. Or that change and loss are part of life and you can’t run from them. Or that London is a massive labyrinth of eccentric people that probably looks 400% cooler onscreen than it is in reality (I wouldn’t know, I’ve never visited, so this and the 90s Parent Trap are the extent of my knowledge about the city, sorry).

Anyway, I adored how straightforward the story was - that the narrator (played brilliantly by Jameela Jamil) tells you directly in the first two minutes that it’s a story about love, fate, and statistics. She then repeatedly describes every development as it is happening, the characters’ histories and internal monologues, and all the context you need to follow the thin but fast-paced plot. The writing, performances, and production design are all solid, allowing the audience to get lost in the romance as it unfolds.

BUT if you’re slightly unhinged like I am and you’re always looking for more layers in your media, HAVE NO FEAR! There is in fact more going on in this little movie than you might expect.

Color Theory

For starters, the use of red and green in the film is fascinating. Yes, I realize the action of the story takes place a few days before Christmas, so you might assume it was just a seasonal aesthetic choice, but if you look closer, you can see very carefully selected shades of red and green repeating throughout the film. The red is a cool, deep rose color, sometimes pink, while the green is cool and dark, like oxidized bronze rather than emerald. Further, while they appear over and over, these hues are rarely used in a purely decorative or festive way. Instead, they play a role in the separation and coming together of the couple. On a color wheel, red and green are complements, perfect opposites that are never adjacent but always joined in the middle.

The title card during Hadley’s introduction is literally a green stripe over a red stripe, then the hallways of the airport are green, and of course Hadley’s ever-important backpack is a rosy red. As the couple grow closer on their flight, the light turns pink. Once in London, a green van takes Oliver one way while a red taxi takes Hadley the other. At her father’s wedding, Hadley is dressed in red (“the color of a bruise” she calls it), contrasting beautifully against her green jacket. Upon realizing Oliver’s true purpose, she chases after him on an iconic red double-decker bus. Meanwhile at the living memorial, Oliver’s father is dressed in red while his mother wears a faded green, as if to say she is already beginning to fade away. The event is decorated with green drapery and streamers, and there are even stacks of red and green chairs in the stairwell where Oliver begs his mother to receive treatment.

Hadley gifts her red and green bouquet to Tessa, and when she is driven away, a green-clad narrator returns the red backpack to Oliver. Wandering London alone, Hadley exchanges her painful red heels for a pair of green trainers (“sneakers!” she insists), and tries to call her dad first in a red phone booth and then on a phone from a stranger sitting in a cluster of red chairs. Finally, Oliver chooses to pursue Hadley to the wedding reception which is lit in pink, and where they finally share the long-awaited kiss.

There are many more examples, but in general we see that green indicates separation and loss, while red symbolizes joining, intimacy, and (what else?) love! It lends the film a gorgeous, subtle aesthetic without being garishly festive, and shows the lovers’ emotional journey from lonely childhood to vulnerable, loving adulthood.

Death and Rebirth

Speaking of which, there’s plenty of rebirth imagery too! When Hadley and Oliver meet, they are both still children, struggling with the impending loss of parental security through divorce and death. Thus, when they board the plane, it is as if they enter an underworld or womb, separated from their families and remade as new adults. They emerge on the other side into a hallway (read: birth canal), as each must still confront their own dying childhood before they can join as full and equal partners. Hadley journeys to a bright, red-strewn celebration of life, while Oliver must enter a dark green commemoration of death, his fear driving him deeper to hide in another hallway. Here his mother comes to find him, begging him to emerge into life, but Ollie still can’t confront her death alone.

Thankfully, Hadley travels to this underworld to find him, bursting into the memorial like a bright red flower. Even the bruise metaphor works, acknowledging the pain they are both experiencing at the changes in their lives. But Oliver still refuses to face his fears, trying to take a shortcut around death to life with Hadley. Still, she knows he’s not ready (likely because she’s not yet, either), and gently pushes back. And so, Oliver returns to the underworld, and Hadley walks off alone until she descends barefoot through a soggy riverside tunnel (birth canal again!). Finally, she calls her father and admits she is “lost.” When he arrives, Hadley at last gathers the courage to ask why he ended their old life, and to tell him how much it hurt her. But as Oliver predicted, she forgives her dad and even begins to accept his new bride.

Back at the memorial, Oliver is reminded by Hadley’s red backpack - his unaddressed emotional baggage - to be honest about his pain. In at last openly mourning his mother and his own childhood, Ollie takes a step into adulthood, just enough for his family to nudge him that extra bit to go after Hadley. And so, the family delivers him to his bride, who has meanwhile learned to dance again, even through her heartbreak. With one last confession, the two consummate their love with a kiss, bathed in pink light before an open door.

Happily Ever After

There’s so much more, with the hand-holding, numbers, Shakespeare, Dickens, the music, and beyond, but the point is that this cute, charming little romance is actually very deliberately constructed. It follows timeless patterns and motifs which we instinctively understand through visual and auditory language. And the narration plays a huge role in this as well, not unlike the prologues and epilogues of the Bard’s plays in that they state the story’s lessons plainly: that we cannot always be prepared for unwelcome surprises, but that we can make the choice to love every day.

Anyway, Vanessa Caswill deserves all the flowers and if you haven’t seen her gorgeous adaptation of Little Women (with all due respect to the marvelous Greta Gerwig and Gillian Armstrong), please do yourself a favor and watch that after you finish this!

[fountainpenguin]

Everyone wish "Happy birthday" to the most specialist boy in the world!! SnifferMyFeet is 1 year old! 🎂

A face many beyond his mother do love!!

Ah, it feels like only yesterday I critically injured Joel in a 'fic chapter and left him in desperate need of grafts from someone with similar biology, not knowing where I'd go from there... and then I woke a few hours later to find THIS GUY dropped in our laps?? sdlkfj, that will never happen to me again... Sniff, my beloved brain-chemistry-altering deus ex machina...

Anyway, I have a multi-chapter 'fic about Sniff being oh so very baby... So baby, in fact, that he's a newborn hybrid who refuses to nurse from his mother dragon. Huh... What's up with that?

Well, never fear! The Fox Dragon and her hybrid son Rhetoric are on the case! Rhetoric's raised hundreds of foxes... Feeding one little endermite should be a breeze!

- Collector's Fee -

🚥 Pixels Imperfect AU

It was only a matter of time before Grian’s off-color soul attracted the wrong attention in the server hub. The thing about foxes is… they like to take. And the Fox Dragon is no exception. Meanwhile, a nurse plots to kidnap a baby. AKA - Grian gets locked in a museum with newborn SnifferMyFeet. Etho and Joel plot to rescue him.

Chapter 1 - Mama Ender - 5,200 words

❤️ Read on AO3

💛 T - Ongoing multichapter

💚 More MCYT 'Fics

This story takes place in the Between dimension, where server hubs lie. It kicks off with a focus on OCs (and SnifferMyFeet), with Etho, Grian, and Joel on deck to show up soon. Enjoy!

“Why aren't you also wishing PiglinMyNose a happy birthday?” -> He's Joel's cam account (LazyBeans26) who changed names; Sniff was new :) Born...

(First 1,000 words under the cut)

💙  🧡  💚

There's really something to be said about flying west on your mother's back, the sun arcing behind you like a phoenix from the dust. Everything's fuzzy in the early light. Morning's reach casts a great, winged shadow over permafrost and pebbles. Endermen scatter, poofing in zigzags. Ohhh, yes… Rhetoric latches his fingers more tightly in his mother's white and ginger neck fur. His tail streams behind in the wind, flapping like the edges of his open jacket. What a rush. It fights against him, threatening to rip him from the dragon like a picked-off scab.

Look at it all. A rosy pink, purple, and orange glow seeps across the hills. Blue shadows paint their undersides in lumpy triangles hundreds of blocks high, like they were painted with a brush too big for precision. The dropped brush itself could've created this waterless valley. Stray goats and wraiths flicker into view with every hill they pass. They dot the sagebrush and glacier chunks… or what's left of them these days. Slithering monsters with rattly bones and three great necks roam these lands now. Rhetoric can't see them even from the air, but the black roses below wave in the whistling breeze.

They're fresh. Someone would've plucked them up for dye.

The flowers stain the ground in rows like memorial stones. Sculk seeps from a deep scour in the earth just beyond them. Some hybrid in a midnight blue hoodie fights the good fight below, striking with a stone hoe. It's a slow and sticky process; the sculk clings in goopy lines like saliva in a yawn. Yikes. Write home and tell me how that turns out for you.

Charlotte beats her wings and flies beyond it. Rhetoric blinks. Her shadow skims the dry valley below. One by one, flowers slip out of render distance behind them.

The Ender Dragon lurks underground, deep within the cave city of Lower Evernight. Charlotte circles the hill twice, then swoops straight towards the sagebrush and ice. Rhetoric clings to her neck like a bur, arms and legs clamped like honey. The ground blocks blur together, then vaporize in a sweep of smoke. Fox Dragon and hybrid rider drop into the depths of the cave. With a twitch of Mother's claws, her world edit commands repair the gash. Rhetoric shifts, peering past her wispy fur as Charlotte glides across the underground city like a fluffy kite.

This isn't his first time visiting the City of Ever-Shifting Blocks. Granted, it… might be his second. But the cave's no less breathtaking than he remembers, and that's saying a lot for a guy immune to drowning. Endflame lanterns gleam far below, lighting the darkness with pricks of purple. Everything's arranged in a circle like a giant chocolate chip cookie. It'd take all 98 of the Between dimension's dragons to devour one of those, and he snorts at the thought. His mother's mane ripples against his cheek and he nestles tighter to her fur.

It's easier, traveling with a dragon in a place like this. The aboveground world's in anarchy and a city filled with enderman never keeps its streets and signposts for long. Everybody wants pretty things. The easiest way to keep things involves taking them when you see them around. In a way, it's no surprise Jean and Charlotte are thick as, well…

(He chuckles at his own joke.)

Jean's nursing cave lies tucked away, high on the underground city's wall, where her children can reach her if they need to, but will probably think twice before making the effort. Beyond triplet endflame lanterns (one to either side of the door, one above) and a small viewing platform encased in a fence, it lacks decoration. Only on the outside, though… What professional thief openly displays her goods in a city of pickpockets? Hm. Rhetoric's last trip to Evernight ended on that viewing platform. Will Jean step out again this time?

Or are we going in? The ever-present itch - the need - to go deeper coils in the backs of his hands.

With a few swishes and swoops, Charlotte lands like a perching parrot in front of the iron door that divides it. She folds in her wings, almost knocking Rhetoric straight off. Not today. Her form blurs, melting in size and color, until she's standing like a hybrid with a swishing ginger tail. And from there, she slides Rhetoric from her arm to the ground. Charlotte wore her fox-eared hoodie and baggy pocket-covered pants for this trip. Out of place? Undignified? Below her status? Perhaps… but Rhetoric can't blame her. Showing up at her mother's door in her usual treasure hunter's garb probably wouldn't go over well. At least this way, she's inconspicuous in a crowd. Only the five glowing dots pulsing on the underside of her left wrist would give her away.

Rhetoric unbuckles the saddle still hanging from her back. Since he has no inventory space himself (Born without it; long story), he goes to set it on the ground… then stops. He glances over the rail at at the violet lights of the city far below. Hmm…

The thing about Evernight is, not only are there thieves lurking here, and not only can they see in the dark, but endermen and endermites alike can teleport. They could be watching him as they speak. And there's a drop straight to the Void down there somewhere. Endermen and endermites can swim in the Void. Fox hybrids can't. He tucks the saddle under his arm instead.

Charlotte keeps her ear pressed to cold iron. "I don't hear babies," she reports. "Let's give this a shot."

"I'll be ready to grab."

Charlotte presses the button beside the door. It pops open, whacking her arm, and they both jump back. No babies scramble for freedom from the nursing cave, but the small hall between them and the next door is filled with water. Clever… Baby enderman probably make one attempt to escape and never again.

They wade over, taking careful steps in their boots. This iron door, though, must have its button on the other side. To be polite, Charlotte takes the stick from the wall and knocks, introducing herself with a call… but the grunt they get in response is as much of a "Let yourself in," as you'll ever get. Fair enough. With a wave of her hand, Charlotte dissolves the neighboring blocks with world edit, then steps around the door in the place they used to stand. Rhetoric follows with the saddle, ducking out just before the blocks rematerialize behind him.

Oh. Hels. Yes. Now, this is the treasure-filled cavern he'd envisioned on his last visit, lying awake in the embassy kicking and squirming, unable to lie still unless his eyes and fingers could caress secret ores and gems. "Kick me, Mother, for I am dreaming," he mutters.

❤️ Read on AO3

[kimsj90]

Concept: How Margaret met Johnathan (my version of Alastor from Hazbin Hotel)

The young Jonathan placed one of his first victim’s bodies deep into the forest. His sweat bead fall down from his forehead, his chest heaving from such fear that someone might spot him from the forest. ‘I need to get this job done before someone finally sees this. Suddenly, a stomp on the grass felt from afar, and it grew louder, echoing through a frantic man’s ears. the shadow of a figure grew bigger, hovering his own shadow, the frantic glow of the golden eyes pierced through the bruised and damped grass.

Yet the young Johnathan had no time to look, he had to run, escaping from the shadows of wails and cries of endless slumber. He strutted and gallopped to escape the hoards of the captor as fast as he can, but unfortunately stumbled by the bark from the tree, and slipped to the ground. His eyes gazed everywhere, looking for the sign of the light to be his guide to escape, and yet he saw no light; everything is dark and eerie. Not being able to escape his own fate, he only had himself to latch on.

‘I think I’m going to die. I will not let my life given to the hands of death…’

The figure stops, inches away from the figure who only sat in front of the tree. No options left for him, he grabbed a branch of the twig, and directed the point towards the figure, swaying on the sides to scare the figure away ‘Go away! Don’t come here!’ shaken from the possibility of being killed. Yet the figure only took a glance at a meek child. It was wearing all black, covering most parts of the body, but the mask left a simple impression - a skull that coveres most of her own face, painted in an old gold. An eerie silence covered the dim forest, and no one dared to speak. ‘Were you lost, kid?’ Finally spoke the figure. Johnathan hesitated to take a response, but nodded a little. Another stomp of grass came closer to his ears, creeping his skin out.

The figure crouched the knees down, being on the same level as his, the masks still persistent to look at his green eyes. ‘You look lonely, yet scared.’ As the hand approached his, young Johnathan was quick to grab it, knowing the the figure might attack him. He gripped the wrist tightly, paralyzing him to not further the touch, until he heard the sound of a lullaby.

‘Ring a ring of rosies, a pocket full of posies. A tishoo, a tishoo, we all fall down.’ as the lullaby became an alluring sound of endless melody, his eyes felt the weariness coming from his mother’s lullaby song to him, his head hanging low to the side, and falling to slumber. The figure stops singing, talking a look at the figure before sighing.

———

The young Johnathan mumbles softly, the light flashing before his eyes. His eyes were open wide, before standing up through what it looks like a old and weary sofa. He gasps in the air, frantic and anxious. His eyes took a scan around the room; the photos dishelved, the desk being neatly clean and organized, the bed seems to have been gotten from a cheap antique shop, and the skulls scattering on the right side of the room.

‘Why was I here? What is this place anyway?’

‘It seems you have woken up.’

A voice echoed through his eyes again, turning his head to see the same figure, but this times, wears the trousers with white shirt and the hair being tied to a low ponytail. Her mask is also seen intact through her own face.

‘Who are you?’ Asks the young Johnathan.

‘I do not need to speak my real name to you. To keep it simply in a non-professional way, call me… ‘N’.’

————

For those who don’t know, Johnathan is my version of Alastor. This is just a concept I was thinking off, cause I want to see the chemistry between the two of them. They’re not lovers, but partners-in-crime.

[readwing]

Anyways, here's the books I read last year (that weren't manga or cookbooks)-

The Beautiful and Damned, F. Scott Fitzgerald

Sister, Kjell Ola Dahl (#......like 7 or 8 in the Oslo Detective series)

American Prometheus (Oppenheimer biography), Kai Bird

Matilda, Roald Dahl

Blackmail and Bibingka, Mia P. Manansala (#3 in Tita Rosie's Kitchen)

Homicide and Halo-Halo, Mia P. Manansala (#2 in Tita Rosie's Kitchen)

The Moving Finger (Miss Marple #4), Agatha Christie

The Love Hypothesis, Ali Hazelwood

Ymir, Rich Larson

I'm not sure how to put these in an order of what I liked the most because I read them for different reasons so I'll just do a drive by:

Ymir - Started with the pedal to the floorboards and did not let up one bit. One of my favorite flavors of sci-fi is when the narrative is unabashedly About Somewhere Else. Loved how the protagonist could not move through the story without somehow cutting everyone around him, and I loved the traumatic, unresolved tension between him and his brother. Probably my favorite book by vibes alone

Sister - I adore the Oslo Detective series, for reasons that possibly scratch my brain and my brain alone. It's so dry and uninterested in selling you melodrama. I want to study the way this guy writes his interview scenes; they are the main way the detective work gets done and they work so fluidly. They never slow down the pace to make sure you're keeping up. This was a particularly fun installment, seeing one of the lead two detectives on his own doing PI work after having quit, although the cases took brutal turns.

The Moving Finger - Loved it. Love how AC is just out there inventing characters whole cloth that you'll never meet again, but as soon as you meet them you're like 'oh, wow, you're not just a character you're like a full ass person.' I loved this installment in particularly because the dynamics between the characters were just so fascinating?? Once again, I've yet to correctly guess an AC mystery. Better luck next time.

Matilda - read it for a fic I am writing. Spent most of it getting big feelings and marveling at how completely fucking accurate the live action Mara Wilson movie was. Like there were entire scenes where I was like 'this is the movie, this is exactly what happened in the fucking movie.' Great book, but also wow that movie was a wonderfully accurate adaptation.

American Prometheus - Two things I like in a biography: research and calling out when the research didn't yield anything and/or yielded contradictory records. While I struggled to get through the political back half, particularly the bits leading up to the trial, this book was an interesting look on the development of scientific ethics in the twentieth century and on how today's scientific community today is still shaped by the political machinations of the past.

Both of the Tita Rosie's Kitchen books - it's a food-themed setting for a murder mystery book (which is like it's own genre now, which is cool). Relatively easy read. I think the author is still growing into herself, but one thing that she does well is mystery-plotting. Another thing is food descriptions.

The Love Hypothesis - Mainly read it because I owned a copy. It was... probably more enjoyable for people who like romance. Given that it is a romance book. But I do try to read a bit of everything, because I think each genre has something to bring to the table story-wise. This one had some very nice getting-to-know-you moments between the characters, who had good chemistry, but I think where it was weakest was in giving similar moments to the side characters, who often felt one dimensional. The story beats about feminism and institutional unfairness could've been less heavy-handed. For something that was relevant to the plot, it often felt like the author knew they were supposed to say something about it but couldn't figure out how to say it in a way that hadn't been parroted before, which is a shame because the scenes where the protagonist actually had to deal with those issues played well.

[motherfuckingmaneater]

please, tell us more about the OCS that you and your friends have created for Bella, I would really like to know more about them

Most of the OCs weren't even made specifically for Bellatrix, they were just writers who were interacting randomly with her and who just happened to have great chemistry.

Kjartan. He was my favourite. He was actually my character created for the vikings fandom but I gave him to my closest wp to write when the fandom was dead. He pulled him into the HP world and made him a Nordic wizard who was a war lord. He was a Durmstrang student who now solely funded the education of their kind, he was exceptionally powerful in Scandinavia and Russia. They were a particular kind of wizard who didn't need wands to do magic (though they preferred them, I think we called them earth Wizards) and Kjartan was their King / Emperor. Voldemort wanted to forge an alliance with him as he had the same views on blood purity so he sent Bellatrix, but it wasn't without it's trickiness. Kjartan was actually known as King Kjartan the Cruel, just as dangerous but not as powerful as Voldemort. The King took a real liking to her (though it was not reciprocal) and wasn't afraid to make it known. One thing he couldn't do magic wise, was occlude. So once Voldemort had met him and pried to his mind to see he had no desires to take over whatever Voldemort was doing in Great Britain and France and actually just wanted his people to be happy and safe in Scandinavia, Bellatrix began to teach him occlumency. She ended up being forced to spend a lot of time with him and ultimately the connection which started as enemies somehow became lovers. Their story doesn't end well though. She left to continue fighting the war and never spoke to him again, which he was infuriated by. When she was released from Azkaban he came to find her and try and make her his again. In the end, after he'd wounded her really quite badly, Voldemort killed him.

Roselyn Greengrass. My friend wanted an OC so we decided to delve into a family that had little known about it - the Greengrass family. She was a Spanish pureblood princess. This was a really fun way for us to go outside of the Blacks (this WP had been writing Delphi before that) and explore something entirely new. Roselyn was the mother of Daphne and Astoria and she was in love with and then married her much older wealthy uncle who would've given her the Greengrass fortune anyway. She decided to keep her name and keep the blood line completely clean. She and Bellatrix went to Hogwarts together, both Slytherins of course. Roselyn was gorgeous and had long dark hair and hazel eyes and was excellent at potions and alchemy. When they were teenagers, Rosie had a real thing for Bella and Bella being who she was took complete advantage for a few years. After school things continued between them but when her mother died her uncle came into her life where he'd been absent before and she fell in love with him fairly quickly. During the height of the war Senor Greengrass was one of the key funders of Voldemort's cause alongside Cygnus Black and Abraxas Malfoy. As adults Roselyn and Bellatrix had a slightly tricky relationship, Roselyn didn't approve of Bellatrix's involvement with Voldemort, nor the closeness they seemed to exhibit. However, at the height of the war Roselyn did offer her a place to hide (in her palaces) should she ever need it. We head-canoned Bellatrix was on her way to Roselyn when she was captured. In my AU where Belladolphus have a son, Daphne and Alexander get married.

Macnairs. This one is a hard one to write about. I don't speak to the person who wrote this character anymore, she and I had an awful falling out and things became terrible between us to the point I had some really severe anxiety because of her harassment and bullying. I loved her character however, and we became friends years before because of the chemistry they had. They were essentially rivals to lovers again. They really struck through thick and thin for each other. Bellatrix was very dominant and possessive over her, but they were just as messy and bloodthirsty as each other, killing and fucking in blood and protecting each other. They were the sun and moon. We had a whole lore for them, created them in games we played together, they even got married in our main timeline and Bellatrix did some really fucked up dark magic to give them children. It was deep and detailed and dark and everything we were super into at the time. It was by far my favourite F/F relationship for Bellatrix.

That's it for now! and thats a damn lot, but those are the main OCs who connected with my Bellatrix, thanks for asking about them :) ♥︎

I have a ridiculous amount of OC kids I never explored / never bought to life that i'd just made content for, but thats a whole other story.

[13-reasons-ideas]

So I have this idea, You know how people want/like things they can’t have, MontyxOC have always had this friendship that bordered on something more but it never got there. She gets a boyfriend, Monty starts avoiding her majorly & their friendship crumbles until one night he shows up at her door & lays his cards out, they have a heated argument but then it turned into into something else quite heated😘 and as bad as it was that she cheated she doesn’t regret it, he’s all she’s ever wanted anyway

Why Didn’t You Say Anything? 

A/N: contains SMUT. DNI if under 18. 18+ ONLY. Trigger warning: rough CONSENSUAL sex. I hope you like this. I’m sorry it took WAY too long to get around to finishing but I was having a lot of issues finding inspiration for requests. I’ve found it again though so expect more to come. As always, I love feedback and much love. - Em

Montgomery and I had been friends since… well since forever. As long as I could remember anyway. He was a quiet kid. Kept to himself for the most part when we were younger. I wouldn’t come to find out why exactly that was until much later on in our friendship. We bonded over a love of the same candy. It sounds stupid thinking back on it now, but at the time we were just kids. We didn’t really know how to have interests yet.

Eventually, as we got older and we developed our things, we found that even though our interests didn’t really match the way people thought they should-I was a novice musician, he was on his way to being a star athlete- we bonded over our passion and drive for our respective things. He would come over to my house and watch me teach myself to play guitar, play piano, or sing. I would meet him in the park and play catch when he discovered a love of baseball. Or when we started middle school and he would try to teach me how to throw a football. That… never went very well. But he was pretty good at catching it regardless as it turned out, so it worked out in the end.

Our friendship started to change around middle school too. It wasn’t noticeable at first. He started spending more and more time at my place. By then I had learned what his father was like behind closed doors. That had been an interesting phone call to my mom to come get me. Our conversations became even longer and more personal. We talked about our hopes and dreams. Where we wanted to end up when we were finally adults. The running thing was that no matter what we wanted to be when we grew up that week, we were always staples in each other’s futures. I started to seek him out at lunch more. I felt this desire to be near him that I couldn’t explain. Or maybe I could, and I just didn’t want to, for fear of being rejected and losing my best friend.

In high school, when we made different friends and traveled in different circles, we were still best friends. We had always been basically inseparable. Montgomery and Juliette. Julie and Monty. Where you saw one of us, you usually found the other. I waited for him after football and baseball tryouts and my dad made waffles for dinner when he made the team. There was a seat basically reserved for me at games since freshman year. I only missed two games in three and a half years. Once when I had strep throat in sophomore year and once when my uncle died last year. Monty didn’t want to go to that week’s game. I told him if he didn’t, I would never play piano for him again. For his part, Monty sat through countless hours of me learning songs or listening to tons of voice memos while I was writing my own. He was at every one of my gigs, no matter how big or small. It didn’t matter if there was ten people or a hundred people, he was always there, sitting in the first or second row. Even Bryce Walker couldn’t come between us.

I couldn’t help but feel like there was something more than friendship between us. I was still too afraid of rejection to say anything and he never said anything either. Other people had always made comments about our friendship and how close we were. But we both just laughed it off and attributed it to people not understanding that guys and girls could just be friends. When we were in junior year and it became clear to me that the feelings I had ignored and buried for so long, weren’t reciprocated, I decided it was time to move on. There was no point in pining after someone who didn’t want me back. And as luck would have it, the perfect person to get my mind off of my best friend had just moved to town and was assigned as my chemistry lab partner.

Parker Johnston was an average height, thin but lean, young man from Ohio. He had shaggy blond hair and cobalt blue eyes. He came from a stable, well off family, but he wasn’t a show-off about it. His parents were mortgage brokers who wanted to work in, but not live in the city. Essentially, he was everything Montgomery de la Cruz… wasn’t. He did still like sports though. They have that to bond over. I thought after my first conversation with him after chemistry. I invited him to have lunch with us. The guys on the football team liked him. Even Monty was nice to him. Though, at that point, none of us knew what would become of Parker and I hanging out.

**

“I don’t know Monty. We are just going for burgers at Rosie’s. It’s not like I’m going to marry the guy.” I was on the phone with Monty while I got ready for my first date with Parker. We had been hanging out as friends for seven months or so. Over the summer, we had connected more and found we had more than just a mutual dislike of our chemistry teacher in common.

“Well, what do you think will happen?”

“On our date? Or are you asking if I’ve thought far enough ahead to actually consider if we are getting married? Because I haven’t thought further ahead than my math test next Friday.”

“On your date.”

“I think I will have my usual cheeseburger with pink lemonade, and we will talk. Maybe split a milkshake for dessert. Green or grey shirt?”

“Is it the green with polka dots?”

“No, the plain army green one.”

“Grey. The green one gives you too much cleavage. A cheeseburger and lemonade? That’s it?”  

“He’s seen me in the green one before, and no it doesn’t, but whatever. Yes Monty. That’s it. Why do you care so much, anyway?”

“I don’t. Just want to know what you’re planning. Make sure you’re safe.” I rolled my eyes.

“Well, I appreciate your concern.”

“Anytime. Are you coming to the game on Friday? It’s our second home game. First game of October. You know how you love fall games.”

“Of course, I’m coming. It’s not like I have a choice anymore, you guys are stuck with me.” I joked.

“Haha very funny Julie.”

“I try. Hey, listen. I gotta go. Parker will be here soon. I’ll call you when I get home.”

Our first date was going great. We had been to Rosie’s before together, but it was different now that we were on a date. We were there for hours, just sitting and talking to each other. Monty texted me around eight, just to check in. You still out or do I need to call the cops?

I’m still here. All good. He left me on read. I assumed it was because I was still out. “Everything okay?” Parker asked when he got back from the bathroom.

“Oh, yeah. Just Monty checking in.”

“Fair, fair. I guess that’s my cue to take you home for the night?”

“I suppose so.” Even though we had verbalized the need to leave, neither of us moved to leave.

“One more order of fries?”

“Yes.” After our last order, Parker drove me home and I called Monty to spill all the details as I got ready for bed.

The following Friday, Parker and I went to the game together. It was the first time we were going together just the two of us, and not with a group of friends.  As far as high school football games go, this one was pretty standard. We held hands through most of it. Bryce’s parents were out of town again, so he was having a “we lost but I have money so let’s all get wasted” party. “I’ll meet you in the parking lot? Or did you want to just meet at Bryce’s place? I have to go talk to Monty.”

“We can meet at his place if you want.” He looked confused.

“It’s tradition. I always wait for him. I have since freshman year.”

“Oh, okay then. I’ll see you at Bryce’s place Jules.” He kissed me. I smiled into it before pulling away. I watched him turn and walk down the bleacher steps and turn towards the parking lot before running off to find Monty.

I spotted him talking to Luke and Scott. His back was turned to me. They saw me coming but didn’t react. They know me so well now. They know exactly what is coming. I smiled playfully before wrapping my arms around Monty’s waist tightly. He laughed and pried my hands off of him, before turning around and lifting me up in a hug. I didn’t even complain about the sweat. “You know that doesn’t surprise me anymore Julie.”

“I know. But it’s fun.” He was still holding me. “Are you going to like… put me down at some point?”

He turned back around to face Luke and Scott. They were shaking their heads, grinning. “Nah.” He decided.

“Well. I don’t need to see inside the boy’s locker room so you put me down outside.”

“What, you mean you don’t want to see a whole lot of Brycey’s pasty white ass?” Luke teased.

“No. No I do not. Every day I don’t see that is a good day for me. And since you are hell bent on carrying me, can I at least be comfortable? My legs are just dangling here.” Monty stopped walking so I could wrap my legs around his waist like a backwards piggyback ride. His hands went under my thighs to support my weight.

Thankfully, he put me down outside the boy’s locker room. I played around on my phone while I waited for him. “You know, I smell like sweat now.” I said when he came out, freshly showered and changed. He shook his head and smirked.

“I don’t see that as a bad thing.”

“Dude. I smell like your sweat.” He rolled his eyes and stopped to dig around in his bag. He pulled out one of my t-shirts. It was a little wrinkled but still presentable. I took it when he handed it to me. “Thank you. I’ve been looking for this. How long have you had it?”

“A while.” He shrugged. I ran into the girl’s room to change. I handed him my other shirt.

“Since it’s your sweat, you can wash it.”

“You know, you never used to complain about smelling like sweat after a game.”

“Well, I didn’t have a boyfriend who would care then.”

“Juliette, you didn’t have boyfriend period.”

“You say like you’ve had a girlfriend.”

“Oh, shut up.” He pushed me playfully.

“You know. How the hell did we get to our senior year of high school and neither one of us has actually dated anyone? Tyler Down has been on dates.”

“You’ve been on dates before.”

“Yeah. but it was never anything worth getting past the end of date three. And I wouldn’t call what happens in bedrooms or bathrooms at parties, dating. You’ve been on dates too.”

“I mean, sure. But they weren’t serious.” We had made it to the parking lot now. “I’ll see you at Bryce’s?”

“Yeah. I’m meeting Parker there.”

“Awesome.” I hugged him again before sprinting to my car.

The party was in full swing by the time I arrived. I had run to Walplex to grab a bottle of Advil on the way. Monty’s Jeep was parked out front and I spotted Parker’s Ram was parked up the road a little ways. I parked in an open spot and made my way past the people milling in the front. “Julie!” Bryce called, raising his beer in my direction.

“Bryce!”

“Hey Monty, your girl is here.”

“Not my girl Bryce.” Monty laughed as he handed me a drink.

“How many has he had already?” I whispered.

“Two.” I blinked slowly.

“So, is this Bryce in a good mood?”

“Yup.”

“Huh.”

“Hey Jules.” Parker snaked his arms around my waist and kissed my head. “Hey Monty.”

“Hey. Parker.”

“Oh, shit you’re right. She’s his girl now.”

“Fuck off Bryce.” I teased. Monty was looking at Parker and I with his brow furrowed. I mouthed later to him.

The three of us moved through the party easily. Monty and Parker talked about the game. I tuned them out. I was too busy watching them. It was nice to see my boyfriend and my best friend getting along so well. Maybe that was why I never dated much before. I was scared they wouldn’t get along. Soon enough, Scott pulled Parker away to chat. “Go ahead. I’m good here with Monty.”

“You sure?” I nodded, placing my hand on his arm.

“Just don’t steal him for too long Reed.” I kissed him on the cheek. Scott nodded. When they were out of earshot, Monty spoke.

“You didn’t tell him you hate being called Jules?”

“It’s cute when he does it.”

“Julie. I saw your face when he said it. Your eye twitched.”

“Muscle spasm.”

“Mhmm. Sure.” I caught Scott’s eye from across the room. He nodded slightly to me. I took that to mean I should hear what they were talking about.

“Oh, would you look at that. My cup is empty. Time for another drink. Refill?” I took his cup anyway and he followed me into the kitchen.

While I was refilling our cups, Monty’s with beer and mine with a Crown and Sprite, I listened in on their conversation. Monty tried to hide it but I knew he was listening too. We whispered nothings to each other to make it seem like we weren’t eavesdropping. “So what exactly is their relationship then?” Parker asked. He’s asking about me and Monty.

“They’ve been best friends for as long as anyone can remember. There isn’t anything more to it.”

“They seem to spend a lot of time together.”

“Like I said, they’re best friends. And I don’t think I’m the person you need to be having this discussion with.”

“You know them best. Do I need to be concerned?”

“What? No, of course not. Look. She’s never really dated anyone before. It’s always just been the two of them. You have been seeing Julie for a week officially. It’s going to take some time for that relationship to change. Just leave it alone for now. And Monty is a good guy. He’s an asshole. But he’s a good guy. If he wanted to make a move, he wouldn’t do it now. Not knowing that she is in a relationship. You really should talk to Julie about this though.”

“I will. I just wanted to get a little bit of insight from someone else first. Thanks man.”

“No problem.”

Parker did that guy handshake thing with Scott and started walking in our direction. My eyes widened. Monty just smirked and mouthed math test to me.

“Anyway, yeah. That math test was totally brutal.”

“I’m sure you did great.”

“I’m literally eighty percent sure I failed. Mind you, so is everyone else.”

“I have it on Monday so thanks for the heads up. Oh, hey Parker.”

“Hey guys. What’s on Monday?”

“Math test that ruined my entire class.”

“Damn.” I put my arm around Parker’s waist and leaned into him.

Monty was scanning the room. To Parker, he was just looking at the crowd. But I was familiar with that look. He was on the hunt. I pulled Parker away discreetly so we could be alone and he could seem available. Monty nodded and smirked at us. Fuck off you little shit. I stuck my tongue out at him and Parker rolled his eyes. We managed to find a quiet corner that was unoccupied. “So, your drink is Crown and Sprite. You hate math. You don’t like chemistry. You like extra lettuce on your cheeseburger. We’ve been friends for months and I never really noticed any of that.”

“You like vodka in your iced tea. But your drink is whisky and Coke. You hate history. You also don’t like chemistry. You get tomatoes on the side of your burgers. I think you knew all of that about me. It just didn’t matter before.”

“That makes sense.” I laid my head on his shoulder and we sat together like that for a while. We were still getting used to the change in our relationship.

I looked up from my lap and caught Monty’s eye across the room. He had a girl in his sights. I nodded to him. He smiled, thinking no one else would see. The smile he reserved for me. Before he went to talk to whatever girl he would have under his spell and realistically, him in less than twenty minutes, he came over to us. “I’m probably going to be busy for the rest of the night, so will you make sure she gets home okay?”

“Yeah. No problem.” Monty turned to me and gave me a pleading look.

“Dude. Again? Seriously?”

“I didn’t have time to stop on the way over.” He shrugged, acting innocent.

“One of these days I won’t be here. Or I’ll leave my wallet at home. Or I won’t be carrying. What are you going to do then?”

“That isn’t a right now problem. Now do you, or don’t you?”

“I do. Calm down.” I reached into my pocket and pulled out my wallet. Parker was watching our interaction with a puzzled look on his face. I pulled out the square silver packet and handed it to him. Monty accepted it gratefully.

“Thank you. You are a life saver.”

“Don’t do anything you’ll regret in the morning, Montgomery.”

“Never do, Juliette.”

“And don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

“I make no promises.” I sighed deeply. Of course, you don’t. Monty waved at us again and ran off to go make a move on whatever girl it was this time.

I looked at Parker and he was staring at me with wide eyes. “What?”

“You carry condoms around for him?”

“No. I carry them around for me. And if he needs one, then I give it to him.”

“But why?”

“I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but he’s kind of a whore. He is my best friend, but the man is a whore. I’d rather give him a condom than take him to get tested or become a cool aunt. I’m too young for that.”

“What if you needed it?”

“Will I need it? Because I wasn’t exactly planning on needing it.”

“I don’t know. You never know.”

“Well, if that’s the case, I have a whole box at home anyway. I don’t plan on using any tonight though.”

“I wasn’t either.”

“If it makes you feel better, I can start carrying two. Also, I put a fresh one in my wallet every morning so it’s not like they’re sitting.” He only nodded in understanding. Monty was right. I didn’t see him for the rest of the night. He texted me later that he was crashing at Bryce’s.

A few weeks after that party, things with Monty and I were the same as they always were. Parker never brought up his conversation with Scott. I attributed it to seeing us around each other and Parker being comfortable with the status of our relationship. We were getting home from a coffee date. “My parents are working late if you want to come inside. My mom has a double at the hospital.”

“Sure.” He slipped his hand in my back pocket when I was unlocking the door. I blushed. Inside, I dropped my purse on the kitchen counter. He draped his coat over a chair and sat down. I was digging through the cabinets for a snack when he surprised me with a question.

“What’s going on with you and Monty?”

“Uh.” I paused because he caught me off guard. “What do you mean?”

“It’s just how you guys act with each other. I never noticed it before. Or I did and thought it would stop after we got together.”

“I don’t understand the question?”

“Do I need to be concerned about your relationship with him, Juliette?”

“No. Not at all. Monty is the last person you need to concern yourself with. It’s never been like that with us.”

“So, you just flirt with each other and finish each other’s sentences for no reason?”

“Okay, first of all, we do not flirt with each other. Second of all, we have been best friends since we were in elementary. Which means we know things about each other.” I was walking back to the table with a bowl of M&Ms. Placing it on the table, I sat in his lap gently. He wrapped his arms around me.

“You carry condoms around in your wallet and give him one whenever he wants.”

“I already told you why I carry them Parker.” I rested my head on his shoulder.

“You’re sure there’s never been anything between you guys?” Nothing reciprocated.

“I promise there has never anything between us. He really isn’t a concern that way Parker.” I kissed his neck softly. It was barely a brush of my lips against his skin.

“Do you still have that box?”

“Mhmmm.” He stood me up and grasped my hand.

“Lead the way Jules.”

The next day, I woke up alone. Parker had snuck out after a little bit of cuddling, so my parents didn’t find him here. I stared up at my ceiling for a few minutes. It was different with him. It means something. Maybe that’s what I needed to get Monty out of my system. Maybe it had to mean something. I groaned when my alarm went off again. Reluctantly, I got up and got ready to go to school. My dad had already left for work again. I texted Parker and Monty before I left. Stopping for coffee if you want anything.

Parker answered first. I’m good, thanks though babe.

Monty answered a few minutes later. Since you offered, my usual?

Gotcha. See you at school.

Coffees in hand, I pulled up to school. Parker was waiting for me just outside the parking lot. “Hey you.” He kissed me. We were walking to my locker when he saw the second coffee, he continued, “I said I didn’t want anything.”

“Oh. This isn’t for you. It’s for Monty.”

“Ah, yes.”

“We talked about this last night Park.”

“I know. That’s not all we did last night.” He muttered, leaning in to kiss my neck.

“Yeah. Last night was pretty great.” I smiled.

“What about last night?” Monty asked, scaring me a little.

“Jesus Monty. I need to buy you a bell or something. Why do you have to be the only guy at this school whose shoes don’t squeak?” I turned and stuck out his coffee.

“Parker’s don’t squeak.” I rolled my eyes. As though he could snese that I wanted to talk to Monty alone, he made a quick exit.

“I’ll catch you at lunch Jules.”

“Okay. Save some cheese for me.” Parker kissed me before walking away.

“So, what about last night?” Monty asked again after Parker left. I was quiet and blushed deeply. “Julie, what happened?”

“Homerun.”

“Shit. Seriously?”

“Yeah. It was good. Nice.”

“That… that’s great.” I didn’t notice the way his smile didn’t reach his eyes or that he stammered.

“I’ll see you at lunch?”

“Uh, yeah. I have a couple of things to do for Coach, but I should be able to make at least a little bit of lunch.”

“Okay.”

I fully expected my relationship with Parker to change after that night. But I never expected that night would cause my relationship with Montgomery change too. It seemed like the closer I got to Parker the more distant Monty became. At first, it was little things. He had stuff to do with the guys or for sports stuff at lunches. Or he had things to do after practice. He wouldn’t stop to talk as long in the halls with me. If his dad was on another tear, I would find out about it the next day at school instead of that night. He brushed it off when I asked him about it. “I don’t want to seem like more of a burden. I have other places I can crash too,” he had said. For some reason, I believed him. I didn’t think anything of it. It wasn’t the first time he had taken a break from always coming to my place. I didn’t think it would be the last time.

But then, as the days and weeks passed, our relationship became even more strained. He had stopped waiting for me after games. He had all but stopped talking to me at school. My texts were left on read for hours, whereas before, he would answer me within minutes. What had initially been dubbed a ‘break’ from seeking refuge at my house, had become a full out ending. One Monday, when I got to school his cheek was stitched closed. I stopped dead in my tracks and covered my mouth in shock. Upon closer inspection when I passed, it looked like it was stitched with sewing thread. Why didn’t he come to me? He knows my mom keeps a suture kit in the first aid kit. He all but looked through me when he caught me looking. If he saw me coming now, he walked in the other direction. For the first time, my best friend was literally all out ignoring me. I didn’t know what to do. So, I tried to do the same. If he wants to ignore me, then two can play at that game. We pretended the other person didn’t exist.

“Hey, are you okay?” Parker asked me when we were sitting on the couch watching tv.

“Yeah.” I was scrolling through my phone.

“You haven’t looked up from your phone for an entire episode.”

“Huh? Has it been that long?”

“Yes. What are you looking at?” I was scrolling through my texts with Montgomery. The last time we had texted each other was three weeks ago. Before then, the last time we went longer than two days not texting each other was when I was at summer camp and we weren’t allowed to have our phones for a week. I couldn’t figure out what I had done wrong or what made our relationship change. Parker took my phone from me and closed out of messages when he saw what I was looking at. “If he doesn’t want to talk to you because you have a boyfriend, that’s his problem.”

“That’s not why Parker.”

“How do you know?”

“He wouldn’t do that.” Would he?

“How do you know he wouldn’t, Jules?”

“We promised each other a long time ago that we wouldn’t be those people.”

“Those people?”

“The people who stopped talking when one of us got into a relationship. We promised.”

“Okay, well if you promised then I’m probably wrong.” He sounded skeptical.

“We promised.” I muttered. Parker pulled me closer and held me while I tried to focus on our show.

**

I was sitting cross legged on the couch playing I Almost Do on my guitar while I listened to the rain hitting the roof. The old Disney World sweatshirt I was wearing helped me to stay warm, even though the heat was on. As I finished the bridge, there was a knock at the door. I’m not expecting anyone. Maybe its Parker swinging by to keep me company. I set my guitar down on the coffee table and went to answer the door when there was another, more impatient knock. “I’m coming, keep your pants on.” I muttered under my breath. Yanking open the door I felt my jaw hit the floor. “Monty.” I breathed. He was soaked. His hair fell on his forehead and I could tell the flannel he wore was soaked through.

“Hey.” Was all he said. I blinked at him slowly. “Can I come in?”

“Uh, yeah. Yeah come in.” I said, moving out of the way while I tried to figure out what he was doing here. “Did you like… walk here or something?”

“Would you believe me if I said no?”

“No. Trust you not to wear a jacket in the pouring rain though.” He didn’t respond. He just looked around the living room. Okay. This isn’t weird and awkward at all. “What are you doing here Montgomery?”

“I thought about what I wanted to say to you the whole way here. And now that I’m here….”

“What are you talking about?”

“I have some stuff I need to say to you Julie.”

“Oh okay. Now you want to talk to me. Right.” I crossed my arms.

“Can you just let me say what I need to say?”

“Why? I mean, you’ve been avoiding me like the fucking plague for weeks Montgomery. Why should I listen to what you have to say?”

“Because it’s important Juliette.”

“Fine. Speak.” This better be good.

“I don’t know how to say this. I literally had this all planned out in my head on the way here.” He began. I remained silent. “I get that you’re mad at me for avoiding you, but I have reasons for it. And I need you to understand that it hasn’t been easy for me. You’re one of my closest friends.” I let out a dry, unamused laugh. Sure. You just avoid all of your friends. Totally normal behaviour for you. Monty sighed before continuing, “I couldn’t sit around and watch you with Parker. I tried. Believe me. I fucking tried. I tried being happy for you and I tried being friends with him. I tried to ignore everything in me that was screaming to just walk away. But I couldn’t do it anymore. I needed to walk away for both of our sakes. It wasn’t fair to you for me to be half out of our friendship and it wasn’t fair to me to have to keep everything in. It wasn’t healthy.”

“So, you couldn’t be friends with me, or say anything about why you were suddenly shutting me out, because I have a boyfriend? That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard you say. And we promised we wouldn’t be those people.”

“Oh, for fucks-. No Juliette. I couldn’t be friends with you because I’ve been in love with you for four years.”

My eyes widened at his revelation and I felt the colour drain from my face. What? I couldn’t think of anything else to do except laugh. “Yeah, sure you are Monty. That’s rich.”

“You think I would joke about that? You know me Julie.”

“No. I think if you did love me, you would have had the balls to fucking say something about it before I got into a relationship. Or at the very least, to not act like a fuckin’ child when I did get into a relationship.”

“When exactly would I have told you? Somewhere between when you were worrying about your friends and when you were pining after Parker?”

“Yes. Parker and I were friends with each other for months before we started dating. At any of those times, you could have put on your big boy pants and fucking said something about how you felt.”

“That’s nice that you think that. Do you think I would walk halfway across town in the pouring rain for someone I wasn’t in love with? Seriously Juliette?”

“Maybe.” I replied. I was still angry with him, but he did have a point. “It doesn’t matter. You waited too long. I’m with Parker now.” He scoffed. I hadn’t realized how close he had gotten to me until now.

“Doesn’t matter? Look me in the eye and tell me you don’t feel it. Tell me you don’t feel the fluttering or the warmth when we are together. And then tell me that what you feel with Parker is anything close to that.”

“I-I-I….” I started, trying to meet his hardened gaze.

“You can’t can you?” My silence spoke volumes. “Tell me you don’t want this.” He whispered, as he caressed my cheek. I couldn’t tell him that. And I couldn’t pull away. I couldn’t do anything to stop him. For the first time, I had allowed myself to consider the feelings I had buried down deep for so long. I opened the box in my heart labeled danger, and damn it felt good. I reached up and tapped his arm quickly, twice. Our silent ‘okay’ signal when we couldn’t speak. He immediately kissed me hungrily and backed me against the nearest wall. My hands immediately went to his belt and began to tug at it, in a heated attempt to undo it. He nipped at my lip sharply and I growled lowly from the back of my throat. Giving up on the fickle strip of leather, I began to fight with his still wet shirt. The flannel stuck to the cotton of his t-shirt more and more with every tug. Abandoning the idea of removing them separately, I grabbed the bottom of his shirts together and pulled up harshly. All the while, his lips never left mine. The only time they did was to give me the space to pull off his tops. His eyes had darkened at least two shades as he stood in front of me. I felt my pupils dilate again as I reached out for him. He was on me in seconds. The feeling of him tugging at my sweater, now sightly damp from his clothes, as though I was a prize he couldn’t wait to tear into, stirred something inside of me. The primal aggressiveness and the slow burning, ever present tension of the situation making any consequences of our actions, seem totally irrelevant. He managed to remove my shirt with far fewer struggles than I did and began attacking my neck, leaving wet kisses and stinging nips down one side and then the other. Once again, I tried my hand at undoing his belt again. This time, I was able to. Quickly undoing it, I pulled it through the loops of his dark jeans and went for the button. He placed his hand on mine to stop me. I looked at him questioningly.

“What?” I asked, breathlessly.

“Maybe we shouldn’t do this in your living room.” He said, panting. I nodded in agreement and suddenly, he picked me up and threw me over his shoulder.

“Monty!” I exclaimed, taken by surprise. He merely tightened his grip on my waist as he walked through the house to my room in the basement.

In my dark room, only illuminated by the dim pink-red glow of the salt lamp on my nightstand, he strode towards my bed and dropped me on my back. I reached out to him as he took a step back from the bed. “Get back here.” I demanded. He chuckled and shook his head.

“No. Nuh uh. I’ve waited far too long for this moment.” He smirked, devilishly. I groaned in displeasure at him. His smirk widened.

Deciding it was time to take matters into my own hands again, I sat up and slid off my bed. Taking my place on my knees in front of him, I reached up and undid the button and zipper on his jeans. He made no move to stop me as I dropped to my knees and pulled the denim harshly. They fell in a pool at his feet and I sat back on my heels as I stared at the bulge in his boxers. I growled lowly in the back of my throat and reached for the waistband of his boxers. Pulling them down, I watched his cock spring free and whined unconsciously. My movements were suddenly timid as I reached for it. It wasn’t my first time by any means. But it felt different this time. This time it was with Monty. And you have a boyfriend who isn’t Monty. Oh, shut up and let me enjoy this. I’ll deal with the consequences later. Grasping his thick, heavy cock in my hand, I stroked it softly. This was so wrong, yet it felt so wonderfully right.

My strokes changed as I gained more confidence and was able to push away any intrusive thoughts about Parker. They were faster and I tightened my grip slightly. Montgomery let out a sharp breath when my ring fingernail caught a bit of skin. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay, you’re excited. Just remember we have all night Julie.”

“I know.” His hips started to buck a little bit and my mouth began to water.

“We have plenty of time for that later.” I groaned a little. “Look at me.” I looked up at him through my lashes. “I promise you can after I fuck you into your mattress.” My eyes widened as big as saucers. We went from five to a hundred real quick. Fucking hot though.

Monty took my bicep in his hand to pull me up before pushing me back down on the bed roughly. I gasped in shock. I sat up on my elbows and watched him unbutton and rip open the zipper on my jeans. He pulled them down with a little help from me. He took a very brief second to admire my mint underwear before pulling them off and chucking them across my room. I sat up to undo and remove my pink bralette. A low growl came from deep in his chest when my breasts were out in the open and I was naked. His eyes scanned my body hungrily. My own dark eyes admired his naked body. I grabbed his arm to pull him down towards me.

“There is so much I want to do to you, but it will have to wait until later.” He whispered in my ear, biting at my earlobe. He bit and sucked his way down my neck, easily pulling loud moans out of me. There were sure to be marks all over my neck in the morning. Consequences be damned.

“Later, yes.” I panted. I could feel his hard length against my thigh. I rutted my hips against his. He kissed me passionately. When his hand trailed down my body, I knew his intentions. “No time. Just do it. Need it.” He stilled. The passion and tension were still in the air but there was a slight shift.

“Are you sure? I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Yes. Just be quick about it and it’ll be fine.” I stuck out my pinky. He linked his with mine.

“If you need me to stop and adjust, just say so.”

“I will.” I nodded, trying to edge him along. Just hurry the hell up and do it.

Monty straightened up and pulled my hips closer to the edge of the bed. I shut my eyes as he lined his cock up with my entrance. No matter how ready I was and how much I wanted it, it was still a reflex. I barely felt the tip, but I knew more was coming. He held my hands in his, interlocking our fingers as he pushed further. The stretch stung a little. He was bigger than Parker and without taking the time to prepare me, it burned slightly. I whimpered softly and he stilled immediately. Only about half was inside of me. “No, no keep going. Please.” I begged.

“I don’t want to hurt you Juliette.”

“Montgomery. I need you to do it. It hurts more if you stop. Please just do it. You can give me time to adjust after.” I told him seriously, staring into his eyes.

“Okay. Deep breath.” I sucked in a big breath and let it out as he quickly thrust the rest of his cock into me. I yelped sharply and he stilled again. I felt him go to pull out and growled harshly at him.

“Don’t you dare. Just give me a second.” He nodded and stayed still, allowing me time to adjust to his size.

After a minute or so, I was ready. The pain had dissipated for the most part. I felt like we could keep going. “Okay.” I nodded. His thrusts were slow and shallow at first. The more he did it, the more comfortable it became. When my moans grew louder, his thrusting became faster. He was fucking me hard and fast. Quite literally fucking me into the mattress. I tried to match him thrust for thrust. It was sloppy at first, but soon enough, we had a good rhythm going. He leaned down more, and I wrapped my legs around his waist. His cock was buried deeper in me and I screamed. He was moaning and grunting softly in my ear. I let go of his hands and wrapped my arms around his back. Dragging my nails down, I scratched him from his shoulder blades all the way down to his mid to low back.

“Jesus Christ.” He spat out. I smirked and dug my nails into his back. He nipped my collar bone. I was panting and I could feel my core tightening. “Fuck. You are so fucking tight.” Monty stood straight again and hooked one of my legs over his shoulder. The changed angle felt like magic. My moans had become whimpers again. I bit my bottom lip to keep from screaming once again. He used his right hand to rub my clit harshly while his left steadied the leg on his shoulder. I couldn’t hold a scream in after that. His thrusts were starting to get sloppy just as I had begun to fall over the edge. My orgasm hit me like a freight train. My entire body shook. I groaned when I felt his own orgasm hit. The feeling of his cock pulsing inside of me was exquisite. Thank God for birth control and regular testing. Monty pulled out of me gently and half fell, half laid down onto my bed beside me. He was panting harshly. So was I.

“Fuck me.” I muttered.

“I just did.” He panted. I groaned, unable to find the energy to flip him off or move or make an actual noise in response. After a couple of minutes, he stood and put his boxers back on. I hadn’t moved. He walked to the bathroom across the hall, and I heard the water running. Back in my room, he gently wiped me clean with a warm washcloth. It felt very nice on my sensitive folds. I groaned again. Once I was wiped clean, he climbed on the bed again and pulled me close. I snuggled against his chest.

I woke up in Montgomery’s strong arms the next morning. Rubbing the sleep from my eyes, I groaned softly. Monty stirred behind me. I leaned into him. He sighed. “Half of me thought last night was a really hot dream.” He mumbled sleepily.

“It wasn’t.” I yawned. We rolled onto our backs and I stared at the ceiling. We were quiet for a time. I was processing what happened last night. I cheated on Parker. With the one person…. The one person what? I told him not to worry about? I mean, yeah. But if that was the reason, I would have regretted it as soon as we were done. Oh shit. What does this mean for our friendship?

“Do you regret it?” I paused before answering. I knew the answer already but what would it say about me if I answered him immediately?

“No. Do you?”

“Not a bit.”

“What does this mean? What are we supposed to do now?”

“I don’t know. I can’t tell you what to do. But if I were you, I would break up with Parker.”

“That would be the kind thing to do.”

“Yes.”

“Did… did you mean what you said last night?”

“About you?”

“Yeah.”

“Isn’t it kind of obvious?” He motioned between the two of us. I laughed.

“I just wanted to confirm.” Monty chuckled and turned to kiss my temple.

“Does this mean,” I paused again, “was this just to get it out of our systems? Or do you want more?”

“I want more if you want more. I’d also be down for another round.” I sat up a little and pulled the sheet around my chest to look at him. He was smirking wider than I had seen him smirk in a long time.

“I think I would like more. And as for another round, I think I need to talk to Parker first before this goes any further.” He considered that for a moment.

“That’s fair. I can respect that.” We were quiet again. He’s all you’ve ever really wanted anyway.

[lonelier-version-of-you]

Pretty good episode this week, all in all. As per usual the highlight was absolutely Dylan and Paula (love that we got a Dylan episode on Autism Acceptance Day!), and the brilliant screen chemistry between William Beck and Rosie Jones. But first, I’m going to have to discuss what everyone was waiting to see tonight, something that I am unsurprisingly bitter about:

Fletch’s cameo. It was just as disappointing as it sounded, and as the small snippet shown on the Casualty Twitter made it look.

There’s something about Jac’s death being acknowledged on Casualty that’s more upsetting to me than Jac actually dying was. Maybe that’s just because I’ve been disregarding most Holby canon over the last few years anyway so it’s only Casualty acknowledging it that makes my mind realise it actually happened, but it’s how I feel. To quote an anon from a few days ago, who put it better than I could:

“I think it’s the double whammy of Casualty actually doubling down on it when they’ve outright ignored so much Holby canon and undeniably do not share an exact canon, and it being Fletch doing it via talking to freaking Charlie. It’s like disrespect on top of disrespect. especially since Rosie [Marcel] wanted to move over to Casualty and not only is Connie not even there for it but they didn’t bother to have it be a scene between like, David and Dylan who actually interacted with Jac.”

Casualty have overlooked and ignored about the same amount of Holby canon as I have, lmao, over the last few years. They ignored Gaskell’s serial killing. They ignored Cameron’s serial killing. They ignored the hospital being put in special measures - something that would literally have DIRECTLY affected the ED. They ignored MARTY’S MOTHERFUCKING COUSIN DYING, for fuck’s sake.

But they had to acknowledge this? Why? Connie’s not there anymore. They’d either have to address it or be forced to directly retcon it if Connie was there, there would be no getting out of addressing how it would affect her, because it would undeniably have a very deep impact. They could at the very least have just left it alone. Or, again, straight up retconned it. That would have been the ultimate power move tbh.

I hope they hadn’t been told Rosie Marcel wanted to switch shows. If they were made to believe she was okay with Jac being killed off, then I’d get it! I’d still hate the way they went about acknowledging it, but I’d understand acknowledging it at all. If they did know, then this feels like a slap in the face. I hope she at least gets cast in a new role eventually, she deserves that much, and Jimmy Akingbola did it (played a lead role on HolbyBlue, then played Malick on Holby after HolbyBlue was cancelled) so there’s a precedent.

As for the actual scene itself - I get Casualty wanting to have Fletch be the one to talk about this, given he’s an original Casualty character. I get why they’d want to have him cameo instead of Elliot or Sacha. That’s not my issue. If he’d been there to talk about Jac as a friend, I’d be fine with that. My issue is with this just seeming like one last way to disregard the Sacha/Jac friendship in favour of a Fletch/Jac romance. Fletch was NOT “as close as [Jac] let anyone get”. That was Sacha. SACHA was the person she let closest to her. This isn’t even a matter of opinion, this isn’t a matter of whether you shipped Jac and Fletch or not, it’s an objective established fact. Even those who shipped Flac would, I’d imagine, agree that Sacha was still the closest person to Jac and that that shouldn’t just be ignored.

I just. Ugh. Sorry. I hate everything about this. And I particularly hate that all we saw of David this week was him gossiping about Matthew’s complaint against Stevie, with no acknowledgement of his friendship with Jac. (I understand Dylan not acknowledging it. They were friendly but I wouldn’t call them friends, unlike her and David. And he has the Paula stuff to be focusing on.)

Rant over. Onto the best storyline on Casualty at the moment, and possibly the best in years: Dylan and Paula. Their scenes tonight were as great as ever. (Also proves why the people saying “Casualty should’ve been cancelled instead of Holby!!” are wrong... could you imagine Holby ever doing a storyline like this? No. Because they wouldn’t have. Casualty, however, actually cares about disabled representation, so here we are.) I adore their friendship so much, I really do. William Beck and Rosie Jones just work so well together.

As I said in my last post, I’m really kind of starting to ship Dylan and Paula now to be honest. They’d still make a much better couple than him and Faith, that’s for sure! And they’d just have such great chemistry.

Their scenes tonight were so well-written. The argument, Dylan apologising, the scene at the very end of the episode where Paula found out her tribunal was next week... all so brilliantly done, and perfectly acted too.

It’s so sad to think we only have one more episode of Paula. I really, really hope she manages to get Ena back. (If she doesn’t, I don’t think it’ll have good consequences for Dylan’s mental health, either...)

I liked the stuff with Ellen too. I thought the way it was written was really good.

And seriously, can we talk about Rosie Jones’s acting in the last scene? She was INCREDIBLE. Her line delivery of “I’m not ready”... Paula just broke my heart there. :(

The Iain stuff was eh. I find the actual storyline interesting but Iain bores me, so the fact that he’s heading it up is... not ideal.

I liked that they bothered having aftermath to Matthew’s complaint against Stevie even though neither of them were on shift. I know that’s like, the bare minimum but I got so used to everything being ignored on Holby so it’s a relief when Casualty actually remembers things happened and that the rest of the hospital would be talking about them or affected by them.

And I thought the patient story with the farmers was really good and interesting and powerful. Between the male farmer’s struggles and the Dylan/Paula/Ellen storyline focusing on their shared experiences with alcoholism, there really seemed to be a theme of mental health in tonight’s episode. I loved that.

[welllpthisishappening]

Welllp These Are Books: the March 2021 Edition

There aren’t even any pictures! Except in that one book where there were pictures! It was weird! This was a weird book month! Back at it again with thoughts and opinions about a whole mess of books that no one explicitly asked for, but I’ve got lots of thoughts and opinions and they only count if I share them on the internet. Seriously, someone let me go to a baseball game soon. Obligatory warning for spoilers and vaguely unhinged rants under the cut. As always, feel free to come tell me what else I should be reading at literally any time ever.

Best Book of the Month Honors Goes to This Book, Even Though They Called It Halftime at a Hockey Game. A Hockey Game!

The Dating Plan by Sara Desai

Daisy Patel is a software engineer who understands lists and logic better than bosses and boyfriends. With her life all planned out, and no interest in love, the one thing she can't give her family is the marriage they expect. Left with few options, she asks her childhood crush to be her decoy fiancé. Liam Murphy is a venture capitalist with something to prove. When he learns that his inheritance is contingent on being married, he realizes his best friend's little sister has the perfect solution to his problem. A marriage of convenience will get Daisy's matchmaking relatives off her back and fulfill the terms of his late grandfather's will. If only he hadn’t broken her tender teenage heart nine years ago… Sparks fly when Daisy and Liam go on a series of dates to legitimize their fake relationship. Too late, they realize that very little is convenient about their arrangement. History and chemistry aren't about to follow the rules of this engagement.

— Ok, it’s important to know that I really did love this book. It hit all my trope-wants. Childhood friends, incredibly stupid misunderstandings, pining, seriously God the pining, fake engagement, BANTER. It was all going great. I was occasionally swooning. They kept making out! And then! THEN. They went to a hockey game. On a date. A fake date. Cool, cool, cool. All tropes, all the time right? Not so fast, internet! Because these self-proclaimed Sharks SUPER FANS referred to intermission as “halftime was coming up.” Halftime! At a hockey game! That’s—that’s not how hockey works! If this hadn’t been “traditionally” published, I probably could have let it slide. But that was not the case. This was a “real” book with, I can only assume, real editors. All of whom saw the words halftime and hockey near each other and we’re like YEAH, PRINT THAT SHIT. I read that at nearly one in the morning and seriously considered waking Justin up to be like CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS IS IN A REAL BOOK? Anyway, it was still real cute. Everyone lived happily ever after. It made want to eat samosas.

This Book Had Pictures, It Was Weird

Clean Sweep by Ilona Andrews

On the outside, Dina Demille is the epitome of normal. She runs a quaint Victorian Bed and Breakfast in a small Texas town, owns a Shih Tzu named Beast, and is a perfect neighbor, whose biggest problem should be what to serve her guests for breakfast. But Dina is...different:  Her broom is a deadly weapon; her Inn is magic and thinks for itself. Meant to be a lodging for otherworldly visitors, the only permanent guest is a retired Galactic aristocrat who can’t leave the grounds because she’s responsible for the deaths of millions and someone might shoot her on sight. Under the circumstances, "normal" is a bit of a stretch for Dina.

And now, something with wicked claws and deepwater teeth has begun to hunt at night...Feeling responsible for her neighbors, Dina decides to get involved. Before long, she has to juggle dealing with the annoyingly attractive, ex-military, new neighbor, Sean Evans—an alpha-strain werewolf—and the equally arresting cosmic vampire soldier, Arland, while trying to keep her inn and its guests safe. But the enemy she’s facing is unlike anything she’s ever encountered before. It’s smart, vicious, and lethal, and putting herself between this creature and her neighbors might just cost her everything.

— So, Ilona Andrews is a name that keeps coming up because when I borrow a book from the library I have to go through Kindle and Amazon is like...here are some other absurd fantasy romances you’d enjoy. Also, one of her other series had been recc’ed to me. Only problem? The first book in that series is the only book in that series not available at my library. So, I was like, ok, I’ll start this one instead. It was...weird. Honestly, it felt like I’d been dropped in the middle of the story and the narrator was like, well why don’t you already know what’s going on? In theory the world building was cool. (I was not expecting alien werewolves, lemme tell you that!) But also it all felt very rushed and the end just sorta happened.

In Which I Continue to Love “Same Verse” Books & No One Else Had Sex in the Port Jeff High School Dugout. For Which I Was Grateful

Love Her or Lose Her by Tessa Bailey

Rosie and Dominic Vega are the perfect couple: high school sweethearts, best friends, madly in love. Well, they used to be anyway. Now Rosie’s lucky to get a caveman grunt from the ex-soldier every time she walks in the door. Dom is faithful and a great provider, but the man she fell in love with ten years ago is nowhere to be found. When her girlfriends encourage Rosie to demand more out of life and pursue her dream of opening a restaurant, she decides to demand more out of love, too. Three words: marriage boot camp.

Never in a million years did Rosie believe her stoic, too-manly-to-emote husband would actually agree to relationship rehab with a weed-smoking hippie. Dom talking about feelings? Sitting on pillows? Communing with nature? Learning love languages? Nope. But to her surprise, he’s all in, and it forces her to admit her own role in their cracked foundation. As they complete one ridiculous—yet surprisingly helpful—assignment after another, their remodeled relationship gets stronger than ever. Except just as they’re getting back on track, Rosie discovers Dom has a secret... and it could demolish everything.

— Listen, one of my absolutely favorite tropes that I do not think gets enough love in the world is COMMITTED LONG-LASTING RELATIONSHIPS. And, like, ok, sure the premise of this was that they were separating in that long-lasting relationship. But no one really believed that, did they? Rosie and Dominic were real cute and their banter was good and I wasn’t totally skeeved out when they literally fucked on the kitchen floor. So, I think that’s saying something. Also, also! I seriously appreciated the realism of this book because no one on Long Island would ever call Manhattan Manhattan. It’s the city. Every other borough gets a name, but Manhattan is just the city and I nearly cheered when they said that. But also, no one’s taking a cab from Port Jeff to the Meatpacking District. You know what that would cost? God.

Tools of Engagement by Tessa Bailey

Hair, makeup, clothing, decor... everything in Bethany Castle's world is organized, planned, and styled to perfection. Which is why the homes she designs for her family's real estate business are the most coveted in town. The only thing not perfect? Her track record with men. She's on a dating hiatus and after helping her friends achieve their dreams, Bethany finally has time to focus on her own: flip a house, from framework to furnishings, all by herself. Except her older brother runs the company and refuses to take her seriously.

When a television producer gets wind of the Castle sibling rivalry, they’re invited on Flip Off, a competition to see who can do the best renovation. Bethany wants bragging rights, but she needs a crew and the only member of her brother's construction team willing to jump ship is Wes Daniels, the new guy in town. His Texas drawl and handsome face got under Bethany's skin on day one, and the last thing she needs is some cocky young cowboy in her way.

As the race to renovate heats up, Wes and Bethany are forced into close quarters, trading barbs and biting banter as they remodel the ugliest house on the block. It's a labor of love, hate, and everything in between, and soon sparks are flying. But Bethany's perfectly structured life is one kiss away from going up in smoke and she knows falling for a guy like Wes would be a flipping disaster.

— It should first be noted that in the three books of this series, I could not and cannot understand why Bethany’s brother was such a monumental dick. He was just...he was a dick. His marriage was awful. How long was his wife pregnant without him knowing???? I digress. This continued to be cute, Bethany was a legit heroine as far as those rom-com things go, Wes was very Texas and that got a little over the top, but they had sex in a bed like normal people so that helped. Oh, except that one time on the construction site. Whatever, this book was cute. This whole series was cute, really, and I was a big fan of the happy little wrap-everything-up with a bow ending.

Romance That Happens In Point Two Seconds Is...Unbelievable

Too Hot to Handle by Tessa Bailey

The road trip was definitely a bad idea. Having already flambéed her culinary career beyond recognition, Rita Clarkson is now stranded in God-Knows-Where, New Mexico, with a busted-ass car and her three temperamental siblings, who she hasn't seen in years. When rescue shows up---six-feet-plus of hot, charming sex on a motorcycle---Rita's pretty certain she's gone from the frying pan right into the fire . . . Jasper Ellis has a bad boy reputation in this town, and he loathes it. The moment he sees Rita, though, Jasper knows he's about to be sorely tempted. There's something real between them. Something raw. And Jasper has only a few days to show Rita that he isn't just for tonight---he's forever.

— For as much as I loved the Port Jeff series by my new pal Tessa, this one was...oof. Too much, guys. Too much. Fucking in trucks. Fucking in back offices. The whole book lasted, like, three days. And keep in mind this is coming from someone who has written like two million words about Killian Jones, self-loathing champ 250 years running, but Jasper’s self-loathing was a little over the top. Like, let’s not objectify dudes, but also...I don’t know guys. Maybe the other books in the series are better? I was mostly just annoyed by Rita.

What the Hell Happened at the End of This Book?? Seriously, I Have No Idea

The Queen’s Assassin by Melissa de la Cruz

Caledon Holt is the kingdom's deadliest weapon. No one alive can best him in speed, strength, or brains, which is why he's the Hearthstone Guild's most dangerous member. Cal is also the Queen's Assassin, bound to her by magic and unable to leave her service until the task she's set for him is fulfilled. Shadow of the Honey Glade has been training all her life to join the Guild, hoping that one day she'll become an assassin as feared and revered as Cal. But Shadow's mother and aunts expect her to serve the crown as a lady of the Renovian Court. When a surprise attack brings Shadow and Cal together, they're forced to team up as assassin and apprentice. Even though Shadow's life belongs to the court and Cal's belongs to the queen, they cannot deny their attraction to each other. But now, with war on the horizon and true love at risk, Shadow and Cal will uncover a shocking web of lies that will change their paths forever.

—WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED AT THE END OF THIS BOOK??? I figured out the so-called twist like...two chapters in. Fine, ok, whatever. It’s YA, this is not rocket science and I was interested enough in Cale and Shadow to see how it all played out. Only it didn’t really play out! Because the whole end was just this like four chapter retcon of basically EVERYTHING ELSE THAT HAPPENED and I genuinely could not believe it was happening. It didn’t make sense?!? Like with the plot? Also, spoiler, good thing Shadow and the other king haven’t consummated their marriage yet since she and Cale totally fucked after her wedding? What is YA? Why is Amazon telling me this is a Teacher’s Pick? Why hasn’t my hold come through on the sequel yet so I know what happens next?

Low-Stakes Romance Was Real Boring and All The People Were Boring In It

The Ten Rules for Faking It by Sophie Sullivan

As birthdays go, this year’s for radio producer Everly Dean hit rock-bottom. Worse than the “tonsillectomy birthday.” Worse than the birthday her parents decided to split (the first time). But catching your boyfriend cheating on you with his assistant? Even clichés sting. But this is Everly’s year! She won’t let her anxiety hold her back. She’ll pitch her podcast idea to her boss. There’s just one problem. Her boss, Chris, is very cute. (Of course). Also, he's extremely distant (which means he hates her, right? Or is that the anxiety talking)? And, Stacey the DJ didn’t mute the mic during Everly’s rant about Simon the Snake (syn: Cheating Ex). That’s three problems. Suddenly, people are lining up to date her, Bachelorette-style, fans are voting (Reminder: never leave house again), and her interest in Chris might be a two-way street. It’s a lot for a woman who could gold medal in people-avoidance. She’s going to have to fake it ‘till she makes it to get through all of this. Perhaps she’ll make a list: The Ten Rules for Faking It. 

— I am a broken record. Shouting. From the highest hilltop. Just because you think someone is cute when you’re technically not supposed to be dating them does not mean you get to be anything less than nice around them! It’s not cute! And part two, which often goes with part one: rom com dudes have GOT to stop lying or hiding or otherwise avoiding telling people who they really are. It’s a convoluted, passably lazy way of writing and dropping a third-act bomb on the story. Don’t do it. Stop doing it. We’ve moved past the need for hidden identities. Unless he’s, like, a spy or something. Um...this was a weird book. I know Everly had anxiety and that became a PLOT POINT, patent pending, but she was also not super relatable? Which is crazy considering my very real, rather undiagnosed anxiety. Chris was boring. The whole plot, as this title suggests, was very low stakes and no one actually  seemed to remember that their jobs were ever on the line? Did Everly and Chris have a conversation before they decided they liked each other? Who can say, really.

Shipped by Angie Hockman

Between taking night classes for her MBA and her demanding day job at a cruise line, marketing manager Henley Evans barely has time for herself, let alone family, friends, or dating. But when she’s shortlisted for the promotion of her dreams, all her sacrifices finally seem worth it. The only problem? Graeme Crawford-Collins, the remote social media manager and the bane of her existence, is also up for the position. Although they’ve never met in person, their epic email battles are the stuff of office legend. Their boss tasks each of them with drafting a proposal on how to boost bookings in the Galápagos—best proposal wins the promotion. There’s just one catch: they have to go on a company cruise to the Galápagos Islands...together. But when the two meet on the ship, Henley is shocked to discover that the real Graeme is nothing like she imagined. As they explore the Islands together, she soon finds the line between loathing and liking thinner than a postcard. With her career dreams in her sights and a growing attraction to the competition, Henley begins questioning her life choices. Because what’s the point of working all the time if you never actually live?

— YOU NEED TO HAVE A CONVERSATION WITH SOMEONE TO DECIDE YOU LIKE THEM. AUTHORS REALLY REALLY NEED TO LEARN HOW TO BUILD ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS. IF THEY ONLY LIKE EACH OTHER BECAUSE THEY KISS WELL IT’S NOT A GOOD RELATIONSHIP. AND THIS IS COMING FROM ME. Back at it again with the annoying so-called heroine who was just...occasionally real mean to Graem for no reason at all? Also her name was Henley. Which is not a great reason to dislike her, but here we are.

Apparently I Read These Books Out Of Order. Who Knew?

Pride, Prejudice and Other Flavors by Sonali Dev

It is a truth universally acknowledged that only in an overachieving Indian American family can a genius daughter be considered a black sheep.

Dr. Trisha Raje is San Francisco’s most acclaimed neurosurgeon. But that’s not enough for the Rajes, her influential immigrant family who’s achieved power by making its own non-negotiable rules:

·       Never trust an outsider

·       Never do anything to jeopardize your brother’s political aspirations

·       And never, ever, defy your family

Trisha is guilty of breaking all three rules. But now she has a chance to redeem herself. So long as she doesn’t repeat old mistakes.

Up-and-coming chef DJ Caine has known people like Trisha before, people who judge him by his rough beginnings and place pedigree above character. He needs the lucrative job the Rajes offer, but he values his pride too much to indulge Trisha’s arrogance. And then he discovers that she’s the only surgeon who can save his sister’s life.

As the two clash, their assumptions crumble like the spun sugar on one of DJ’s stunning desserts. But before a future can be savored there’s a past to be reckoned with...

A family trying to build home in a new land.

A man who has never felt at home anywhere.

And a choice to be made between the two.

— Surprise, apparently this was the first book in the series. I did not know. It didn’t affect my enjoyment of the Persuasion version in this same ‘verse, which is also strange because I liked the Persuasion one way better. There was a lot of medical in this. And not super uplifting medical, either. This was like...oh the Jane character (I guess???) has cancer and either she’s going to go blind after having a surgery (also she was an artist, so you see how this was a problem) or she’s just going to decide to die. Wait, what? That came out of left field, really. Also DJ and Trisha were not nice to each other. Like, I know this is Pride and Prejudice so there has to be some of that at the start, but it wasn’t like Trisha ever really went through the Darcy-required time at Pemberly. She just decided she liked DJ and told him and it was as awkward as Jane Austen intended it, but then we got more medical and everything was cool. It felt very rushed and shoehorned into a modern setting and the Persuasion one was better. You can’t have Darcy’s growth without the Pemberly stuff. You just can’t.

In Which I Didn’t Like a Nickname??? Is the World Ending??

Crazy Stupid Bromance by Lyssa Kay Adams

Alexis Carlisle and her cat café, ToeBeans, have shot to fame after she came forward as a victim of a celebrity chef’s sexual harassment. When a new customer approaches to confide in her, the last thing Alexis expects is for the woman to claim they’re sisters. Unsure what to do, Alexis turns to the only man she trusts—her best friend, Noah Logan.   Computer genius Noah left his rebellious teenage hacker past behind to become a computer security expert. Now he only uses his old skills for the right cause. But Noah’s got a secret: He’s madly in love with Alexis. When she asks for his help, he wonders if the timing will ever be right to confess his crush.   Noah’s pals in The Bromance Book Club are more than willing to share their beloved “manuals” to help him go from bud to boyfriend. But he must decide if telling the truth is worth risking the best friendship he’s ever had.

— If Noah was going to call her Lexa, then her name should have been Alexa and not Alexis. That’s it and that’s all. Also, the story was n u t s. Estranged dads and kidney failure and they got together so fast in this book. Which usually is cool by me, but I really could not get over the nickname and the estranged family was mean to Alexis. Lexa. HER NAME SHOULD HAVE BEEN ALEXA, IT DOESN’T MAKE SENSE. Also Noah was a former hacker? The estranged family accused him corporate espionage or something? A lot happened in this book, guys. Her name should have been Alexa.

Dumb Brother Was Dumb™ Everyone Else Was Real Cute

The Off Limits Rule by Sarah Adams

I have found rock bottom. It's here, moving in with my older brother because I'm too broke to afford to live on my own. It's okay though, because we've always been close and I think I'm going to have fun living with him again.

 That is until I meet Cooper...

 Turns out, my brother has very strong opinions on the idea of me dating his best friend and is dead set against it. According to him, Cooper is everything I should stay away from: flirtatious, adventurous, non-committal, and freaking hot. (I added that last part because I feel like you need the whole picture.) My brother is right--I should stay away from Cooper James and his pretty blue eyes. He's the opposite of what I need right now.

 Nah--who am I kidding? I'm going for it.

— This was cute, mostly mindless fluff. Hit some trope high points, including, obviously, best friends sister. Only the brother in question was a Neanderthal and I really thought people were going to make out more while said brother was on his business trip. I got it for free off Amazon. Which I think should explain a lot. Like, story-wise. Sorry, free Amazon books. Don’t be insulted.

Prose, Prose, Prose, Please Someone Have a Conversation

Trick by Natalia Jaster

In the Kingdom of Spring, Poet is renowned. He's young and pretty, a lover of men and women. He performs for the court, kisses like a scoundrel, and mocks with a silver tongue. Yet allow him this: It's only the most cunning and manipulative soul who can play the fool. For beyond the castle walls, Poet guards a secret. One the Crown would shackle him for. One that he'll risk everything to protect. Alas, it will take more than clever words to deceive Princess Briar. Convinced that he's juggling lies as well as verse, this righteous nuisance of a girl is determined to expose him. But not all falsehoods are fiendish. Poet's secret is delicate, binding the jester and princess in an unlikely alliance—and kindling a breathless attraction, as alluring as it is forbidden.

— The purplest of prose. Mauve prose. Royal purple prose. Lavender prose. There was so much writing here. So much. Too much, some might say. I say. Actually. If we want to get specific. And that was a shame, really, because when Briar and Poet actually had a conversation, they were interesting to read about. Also, the world building here? Yeeeesh. The so-called, wait for it, FOOL TRADE played a prominent role and that was...super cringe. Super Cringe. That being said, I asked Justin what I should read next and he thought it was funny that a book was just called...

Dare by Natalia Jaster

In the Kingdom of Summer, they say she's wild. Locked in a cage by the sea, Flare dreams of escape. She dreams of a lost world, known only in legends. The island is calling to her. And she won't let anyone keep her from it. Especially not him. They say he's cruel. Jeryn has crossed the ocean for the Trade, to bargain for those fierce, imprisoned creatures that make his skin crawl. By law, they're subjects meant for experimentation. And easy to despise. One girl in particular. But on the cusp of transport, the tide rages. That hidden island awaits. Stranded, the prince and prisoner must fight to survive. In a mysterious rainforest, they must band together...if they don't slay one another first. Or become something more to each other.  Something just as dangerous.

— This was Justin’s fault. He could not believe this book was just called Dare. It should have been called “We’re going to weirdly force what is basically slavery into this story and then a prince is going to fall in love with an escaped slave and we’re also going to call that ROMANCE.” y i k e s. Remember that one story that took place over three days? This was the complete opposite. Years! They were shipwrecked for years! They got saved, spoilers, the DAY they started having sex. What are the odds, right?? And then MORE YEARS passed. Multiple years! Five years! They couldn’t actually be together because of that aforementioned slave trade. What the shit, man? Natalia, ya gotta be kidding me with this. The internet claimed Trick was good and a solid follow to reading ACOTAR and that there was this whole verse and it was also good. The internet was wrong.

Nothing Happened, Everything Happened, I...Hated It

Graceling by Kristin Cashore

Kristin Cashore’s bestselling, award-winning fantasy Graceling tells the story of the vulnerable-yet-strong Katsa, a smart, beautiful teenager who lives in a world where selected people are given a Grace, a special talent that can be anything from dancing to swimming. Katsa’s is killing. As the king’s niece, she is forced to use her extreme skills as his thug. Along the way, Katsa must learn to decipher the true nature of her Grace… and how to put it to good use. A thrilling, action-packed fantasy adventure (and steamy romance!) that will resonate deeply with adolescents trying to find their way in the world.

— I can’t believe this was a book. Katsa was so annoying! Like, listen, I know her life was sad. And she was a pawn being used against her will. Blah, blah, blah. Whatever. The tone of the whole book was so strangely formal and Poe was strangely in love with Katsa? Who obviously didn’t want to get married because she was WOMAN HEAR ME ROAR. Or kill people, as the case may be. Only she wanted to make out with Poe? Only ONLY they didn’t even really get together at the end? I could not believe the end of this book. I nearly threw my Kindle across the room. Once again, no apologies for spoilers because do not read this book, but HE WAS BLIND? Katsa had to leave him behind to save his cousin and he just ENDED UP BEING BLIND? AND THEY NEVER GOT TOGETHER REALLY?? What the fuck? Seriously. Steamy romance, my ass. Nothing happened. The villain got defeated in point two seconds. There are other books in this universe? No, thanks.

[dirtydobrik]

science experiments - d.d.

requested: yes! can you like do one where the reader is David's neighbor and she always get's annoyed with all of the science experiment's they do and they start talking idk something like that

word count: 1450

masterlist

You twisted your key into the front door when you heard screams coming from the house at the end of the street. You pushed your door open and ushered your dog inside before looking over and seeing a cloud of pink erupt and cover the entirety of his backyard. You let out a loud sigh and shook your head in annoyance. This was the fifth science experiment your neighbor had done since you moved into the neighborhood a month ago.

Your realtor had gone on and on about how quiet of a neighborhood this was and how relaxing it would be to come home to after a busy workday, however, as you had quickly learned, that was far from the case. Your neighbor was obnoxiously loud, and it was starting to get on your nerves. He constantly had people over and music playing at 3am as if no one else in the neighborhood had a job.

After you made dinner, you took your dog on another walk. This time, you noticed a cleaning crew leaving your neighbor’s house and decided to stop by and ask about all of the science experiments. You gripped your dog’s leash and pulled him past your house and towards the one at the end of the street. There were less cars parked outside than usual, but you still felt bad about interrupting him. The gate was wide open, and you didn’t hear voices outside, so you knocked on the front door.

“Hi, can I help you?” a blonde girl asked, swinging the door open. Her eyes lit up and she knelt down to pet your dog.

“Yeah, um, do you live here?” you asked, and she shook her head.

Before she could answer, you heard a voice coming from inside the house. “Taylor, you know you aren’t supposed to open the door for fans.”

“Fans?” you questioned, raising an eyebrow as a puzzled look crossed your face.

“Yeah, I work for David Dobrik.”

“Who?”

“He’s a popular YouTuber.”

“Taylor,” the voice repeated.

“She’s not a fan, Dave.”

“Just an annoyed neighbor,” you laughed, and a few moments later, you heard footsteps echo across the wood floor. A few seconds later, a tall guy with shaggy brown hair stood behind the blonde girl. He took a deep breath and ran his fingers through his hair, pushing it out of his face.

“I’ll let you two talk,” Taylor smiled before excusing herself. David stepped outside on to the front steps and shut the door behind him.

“So, you’re the new neighbor?” he chuckled, and you nodded before introducing yourself.

“I live down the street, and I don’t mean to come across as a bitch, but,” you started, before he cut you off.

“What? My friends and I are too loud? The street is too busy?”

“No, well, a little bit of both of those. But I’m mostly just annoyed at the science experiments you do all the time. I don’t know what you guys are doing and I don’t know if any of the chemicals are toxic to breathe, especially for dogs.”

“Most of what we do isn’t harmful. If something is considered slightly dangerous, my assistant sends out a text to a few other neighbors with the time that it’ll happen, and the chemicals involved so you can do research on it. I can give her your number if you want me to,” David suggested, giving you a smile.

“That sounds great, actually. Again, I feel so bad for bothering you about this. I just don’t feel safe if you’re constantly putting chemicals into the air that people on the street breathe.”

“It’s not a problem, I’ll give Natalie your number and she’ll give you a heads up about any future experiments” he reassured you. “And sorry about the noise. We try to keep parties to weekends or holidays, but that doesn’t always happen.”

“Just try to keep it down after midnight. Some of us have real jobs that we have to wake up early for,” you giggled. “Anyways, sorry for being a downer, but it was nice to meet you, David.”

“No worries,” David smiled. “It was nice to meet you, too. I’ll see you around.”

You started to walk down the driveway when you heard him shout your name.

“Feel free to stop by whenever. I’d love to have you come to a party or watch a science experiment sometime,” David yelled, and you told him you would.

 A few weeks later, David’s assistant had texted you that they were doing a science experiment today and she made it clear that David wanted you to come watch. You reluctantly agreed and finished doing your makeup before heading down the street to David’s. Cars lined the street, and you overheard the conversation of the two girls walking in front of you. They were talking about how David was planning to top an experiment he had already done.

You followed them into the house, and David’s assistant was handing out white suits and goggles.

“Is it really that dangerous?” you questioned, and she shrugged.

“Better safe than sorry.”

You stepped into your suit and headed into the backyard to find David. He was filming the scientist and some of his friends as they talked about what the experiment was. He looked up and smiled at you, motioning for you to sit down and wait for him. You sat on the white outdoor couch, looking around and watching as David explained what was going to happen and who would be filming from where. He said they would do a run through to get the angles for each shot before they actually did the experiment.

“Okay, everyone be in position in ten minutes,” he yelled, before coming over to talk to you.

“Hey, I’m glad you came,” he grinned, leaning in for a hug. You gave him a smile and a small hug.

“I wanted to see what all of the hype was about,” you shrugged, and he shot you a puzzled look. “Your assistant Taylor told me that you’re a popular YouTuber and I wanted to see for myself.” You didn’t want to admit that you had spent seven hours watching his videos one day when you were home sick from work or that you were so easily entertained by them.

After a few minutes of effortless conversation, David was calling for everyone to get in their positions for the run through. A few of his friends came over to the patio set you were sitting at to watch the experiment, since they didn’t have an assigned role in the filming process.

“Let’s go, this is the real one,” David shouted.

Two of his friends pulled the rope to tip the large bucket and seconds later, blue and green foam exploded into the air and around his backyard. David ran towards the patio set, the foam chasing after him. his back was to you as he filmed the foam, and you were looking at the foam falling over the fence and down the cliff. Neither of you were paying attention and David ran right into you. You stumbled backwards and landed on your ass.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry,” he said, holding his hand out to help you up.  You grabbed it and he pulled you to your feet. You eyes met his and you could feel your cheeks turning rosy. There was an undeniable chemistry between you two and you had the sudden urge to kiss him. You couldn’t, though. Not in front of all of his friends and not after only knowing him for an afternoon. 

“No worries,” you reassured him with a smile, even though you were certain there was bruise that would make sitting painful for the next few days.

You and David continued talking and after about ten minutes, you looked around and noticed that most of his friends had gone back inside. You and David followed the path his friends made and joined them inside.

“I should go,” you said, feeling like you were intruding since none of his friends knew you. You headed towards the

“I’ll walk you back,” he said, helping you out of your suit and taking his own off.

He handed his camera off to one of his friends to review the footage and followed you outside.

“You don’t have to walk me back,” you insisted. “I live down the street.”

“I want to,” he grinned.

The two of you talked as you walked three houses down back to yours.

“I had fun today. Thanks for letting me crash your shoot.”

“Hopefully this means I won’t get anymore angry knocks,” David chuckled. “I had fun today, too. And I’d love to go out sometime.”

“Call me tonight and we’ll talk,” you smiled, before waving goodbye to him and closing the door. 

[ginnyzero]

8 Reasons “Insta-Love” Doesn’t Work

A reader’s perspective.

I’ve taken up doing a review booktube for indie SFF books, and have decided only to do 4 or 5 star reviews due to some social pressures being an indie author and also being a reviewer. This means I’ve been SLUSH reading. (You can get lots of indie books free if you trawl twitter and start an amazon wishlist and wait.)

I’m coming up against some trends. A major one is what I call “Insta-Love.” You know, girl/boy meets girl/boy and they are attracted to them for some reason they can’t explain and the next page or chapter they are in love.

Except, the story isn’t about this romance at all. And in the end, the romance doesn’t work for me as a reader, so here are 8 reasons why in author terms b/c I also happen to be an author.

1) It’s Creepy.

Speaking from personal experience and having been on the receiving side of someone who met me and then claimed they loved me less than 24 hours later, this is seriously creepy. You don’t really know this person. They don’t know you. Yet, they’re claiming after to have knowing you for 12 hours, you are the one for them. If asked, they probably can’t tell you why. And if pressed, it’s probably because they have an idealized fantasy of you in your head and aren’t in love with the “real” you at all. They can’t be. They don’t know you. Instead, they are crossing lots of reasonable boundaries and trying to plan a rosy future, or giving you love poetry, or making hyperbolic claims to your mutual friend group.

It becomes downright disconcerting very quickly. So, if all your characters know about each other is that the other is attractive and then they are claiming they are in love. I’m going to be highly disturbed and not believe it for a moment.

2) There is something else important going on and honestly, there’s no time for a romance.

Unless your book is specifically in the romance genre, usually, there is something else going on in the book taking more words and the character’s urgent time and attention. Therefore, regulating your romance to the designation of a subplot. The thing about subplots is they need to be as structured and given attention to as much as your main plot.

And usually in a science fiction or fantasy setting, the main plot is something with pretty high stakes, so much, your main character isn’t going to have time or emotional energy to do more than go “oh pretty person” and move on. If your character is under stress, not getting enough sleep, is preoccupied with saving the world, they are simply not going to have a sex or romantic drive. Stress/Lack of Sleep/Big Projects put the brakes on the hormones causing sexual/romantic attraction.

So, really, your “insta-love” romance subplot becomes little more than a distraction from the main plot when your character isn’t even going to have the energy to do more than go “oh cute person.”

3) It feels contrived or shoe horned into the plot.

Carrying on from above, making the entire romance feel contrived or even forced into your main plot usually for no reason.

If you can take out your romance subplot and it doesn’t actually change the overall story of your book, then I have to question why you feel the need to have a romance subplot in the first place!

Writing in a romance for the sake of having a romance, and your authorial belief that these two people should be together are not great reasons for having a romance. Because…

4) There’s no valid reason for them to be together.

With an insta-love romance plotline, we are given no good reason why these two people even like each other, would be friends, much less fall in love. “Oh, they’re hot,” is a nice valid reason for casual sex, not for an involved and committed relationship. Usually, the reasons given for them being in love are superficial and shallow and the characters’ basic personality sheet.

“She’s smart.” “He’s warm.”

When it comes to a romance, there needs to be more than that. Why should this character trust this new character they just met with their emotions?

99.99% of the time they shouldn’t because…

5) In fact, there’s usually a valid reason for them to be apart.

The biggest question a romance plotline needs to answer is “why can’t they be together now?” And the most common answer I’ve found to it in a science fiction/fantasy setting tends to be ‘power imbalances.’ Power imbalances are things like age differences, and commander/boss and subordinate relationships. Sometimes power imbalances include class, education, and money.

If the power such as age, authority, education or class, is weighed too far in the direction of one character over the other, we are back to point number one. It is creepy. In fact, it is downright toxic. The worst is when they combine age and authority. It is enough to make my skin crawl. Relationships when one character has power over the other are unhealthy. They can lead to abuse and assault.

Only a relationship where the characters are on equal footing with each other and trust and respect each other are going to be healthy.  

6) It’s not earned.

With insta-love plotlines, I, the reader, are told over and over and over again that these two characters are in love. I’m not shown this due to the fact it’s a subplot most of the time and the author doesn’t take the words to have the characters interact with each other on a regular basis as real people do and if they are shown together it’s probably in the capacity of ‘this is why they can’t be together.’ So, if they are getting together at the end of the book it doesn’t feel satisfying because I’ve been told they’re good for each other instead of having them interacting together and showing they work well together and they have chemistry.

This, also, by the way goes for friendships.

In order for a romance plot to feel satisfying and to feel like it actually matters and can’t just be ripped out of the book, you have to take the words and take the time to throw these characters together consistently so the reader can see, instead of being told, they are good together. If your book has to fall within a certain word count and you don’t think you have those words. Take out the romance subplot and see how much it changes the book.

It probably won’t. Your book, in fact, might be better off without it.

I challenge you to go through your book and take out anything that says “they are the best friend, lover,” followed by any summary, give it to a beta reader and ask them questions about the relationships in the book. If your beta reader can go “oh, and the best friend is awesome as a best friend” without much prompting, then your relationships have come across without having to actually say they’re the best friend.

Show. Show. Show. Any time you’re tempted to tell us a relationship and summarize, show it instead. Then the relationship will feel earned by the end of the book.

7) It usually makes smart, competent characters look anything but smart and competent.

There are two versions of this really. One version is the main character really is smart and competent, so having her be distracted from their job or the mission at hand by a hot guy just makes her come off as a ditz whose brain has fallen out her ear at a time when she really can’t afford to have her brains fall out her ears. You’re telling me one thing, this character is smart and competent, and showing me another, this character is easily distracted by ‘oh shiny.’

Version two is the main character doesn’t think they are smart and competent, but a hot guy shows up to ‘save the day’ and she’s going to refuse him at first due to ‘oh my independence’ until she really can’t save the day herself or learn anything and ends up relying on the hot guy anyways. And they fall in love despite his boundary crossing and stalking and insistence he has her best interests at heart when he’s a stranger. See point one of creepy!

I am not really sure which leaves more of a bad taste in my mouth to be honest.

It doesn’t help that sometimes the character in the book seems little more than a list of traits off a personality sheet being told to us than a well-rounded fleshy character with wants, needs, fears, likes, conflicts, and personal stakes in the matter at hand. Whether or not flat character is remotely likeable is debatable.

Dumping a romance onto a character who is paper thin doesn’t actually make the character more rounded. It just adds more pressure to that paper thin character to try to uphold any semblance of character consistency and the plot without tearing in half. And many, many times, the hot character shows up to solve the problems in the first chapter of the book before we even have a chance to know the main character at all!

When you tell the reader one thing, and show them another, it creates dissonance. The character isn’t being consistent. Inconsistent characters leave the reader frustrated. And they won’t want to read more of your books.

8) Psychopaths are warm and charming too. AKA If your character is opening up to a stranger after less than a real time day of knowing them, that is a cry for help and they need therapy not a romantic relationship.

“There’s just something about them,” the character says. “I can tell them anything even things I won’t tell my best friends/parents.”

And I go, “he’s going to kill you, run!”

In order for people to really connect to each other, they have to show or experience vulnerability together. It establishes this thing we call trust. Having the ‘deep conversation’ about past trauma is a short cut authors use to try and establish trust between two strangers to try and show that this person isn’t like other people and is worthy of said trust.

-makes grand gestures at Frozen’s Hans-

It doesn’t work. Why? Because honestly, if you’re opening up about your trauma to a sympathetic stranger, you need help. Like, therapy style help. Being vulnerable, and pouring out your trauma to a sympathetic stranger who is now going to cheerfully take advantage of you because yes, psychopaths can be warm and charming, aren’t the same things. For a balanced healthy person, having a complete stranger tell them about their traumatic past is really downright terrifying and intimidating. You’re just trying to have coffee and find out if you like the same weather patterns and they’re talking about their dead parents.

Check please!

Relationships are fragile and they take hard work. You need to build them up over time to create a strong foundation before dumping past trauma on them. Or, you know, go to therapy and learn coping mechanisms, how to move on, before you toss a bunch of emotional weight/stress onto your romantic partner. The same is true for a character in a book. See six. Make them earn it!

This has gotten a little long because I have opinions. Obviously. In conclusion, in my opinion as a reader, if you aren’t willing to spend as many words on your romance plot as you are your main plot, then you don’t have the words or the tools or a good reason to be including a romance into your story. And here are 8 reasons, I don’t think insta-romances work out for the reader. Take your time and use your words wisely!

[stainandscribble]

Espresso

Pairing: Kim Junmyeon (EXO Suho) / Reader ft. EXO

Genre: Coffee Shop AU; fluff; one shot

Summary: It’s not every day that Junmyeon finds someone crying inside his coffee shop. It isn’t everyday that you find yourself crying inside Black Pearl either, but it is midterm week, and you had just spilled your coffee onto your biochemistry notes, and now you can’t tell any of the amino acids apart. 

A/N: The chemistry puns are not mine. I got them from the internet. 

Word Count: 4821

You watched in slow motion as the coffee you knocked over spilt all over your biochemistry notes, the ink bleeding so that not a single word could be told apart. It wasn’t like you could salvage any of the notes anyway now. The hot beverage had soaked through the stack of papers, and your friend laughed as you picked one up and watched the paper disintegrate.

That was the last straw for you. Midterms had you stressed and working three times as hard, as usual, to get through all the material on time, and you had three hours of sleep in the past 36 hours. You did the only thing your tired brain knew how to do- started crying. Sylvia laughed louder, helping out Jongin who came over to you to clean up the mess.

Sylvia continued laughing as Jongin, who was her friend from back home, brought back some cloths to soak up the spillage. He had been nice the whole time, giving you shy smiles as he chatted with your friend.

“It’s okay Jongin. Don’t worry about it. She’s just stressed.” She told him, glancing at the crestfallen look on your face as you sat there helplessly, staring at your destroyed notes.

“Call me if you need anything.” Jongin told both of you, flashing a bright smile that was aimed more towards your friend than at you.

“How are you feeling?” Sylvia asked you, her laughing fit was over, and she looked concerned for you. Your eyes were still red from crying, and your cheeks were still damp. It wasn’t your best look, but it wasn’t your best day either.

“Not good.” You answered, voice still muffled from the stress-induced crying.

“All my work is ruined.” You wailed, pulling out your laptop from your bag, along with your textbook, which was way too fat and weighed almost two kilograms.

“You had most of that memorised anyway. Don’t worry too much about it.” She told you, pulling out her own art notes.

Jongin returned to your table, a sweet smile on his lips.

“Do you want anything?” He asked, taking a glance back at his co-workers, who returned his smiles, as they watched him to do whatever they had sent him to do in the first place.

“Get me a Vienna.” Sylvia told him, smiling at him as she looked up from her notes. He gave her a sweet smile in return, before turning to you.

“Can I have a double espresso?” You asked a little sheepish. You had, just a moment ago burst into tears right in front of him. The fact that he was now offering something for free was making you feel a little embarrassed.

“Espresso and Vienna coming right up.” He told both of you, and just as he was about to leave, Sylvia looked up from her notes, with an urgency swirling in her eyes.

“Can I get two slices of pumpkin pie as well?” She asked, smiling up at Jongin, twirling a loose strand of hair in between her fingers.

“Sure.”

-----------------

“Hi Junmyeon!” Chanyeol greeted his older friend from the counter. The older one has been away to their new branch and had just come back. His eyes scanned over his café, eyes landing on Jongin who was currently cleaning up a spillage on one of the back tables. That was not what caught his attention though. One of the women sitting at the table was helping him clean up, laughing a little too loud, while the other one was weeping quietly, looking down at the coffee-soaked pile of paper, as it fell apart in her friend’s hands.

“Midterms.” Chanyeol told him, sipping on an espresso.

“I understand.” Junmyeon patted him on the back, brows set in a deep frown. He watched Jongin come back to them in silence, a slight smile on his lips, and a bundle of dirty tea towels in his hands.

“What happened?” Junmyeon asked as Jongin approached, eyes trained on the table behind him, on the girl with the tear-stained cheeks and a deep frown.

“Y/N spilt coffee all over her amino acids notes.” Jongin told him, and the use of the customer’s first name startled him a little at first, and he wanted to reprimand the younger one for doing it so casually.

“That’s it?” He asked instead, looking a little surprised, albeit relieved it wasn’t something more serious, and that the shop was not involved.

“She was so stressed, and sleep-deprived she broke down in tears.” Jongin explained, compassion swirling in his brown eyes, mixed with amusement since you were his friend too.

“You know her?” Chanyeol asked, he knew that Jongin could be quite shy, so him knowing two random customers was a little surprising.

“Her friend is from my hometown.” The younger one began to explain, and Junmyeon relaxed a little, seeing from the corner of his eye that the girl had calmed down and was now quietly arguing with her friend. He could hear the quiet whispers of “it’s not funny.” If he focused enough and watching the girl indigently pull out her laptop, and work on it instead, was quite amusing indeed.

“Does you want another coffee?” He offered since Jongin knew them. It wouldn't hurt them if two coffees were on the house.

“Are you offering something for free?” Chanyeol snorted, and Jongin had to keep himself from laughing at the presumption.

“She is your friend.”

“Go before I change my mind.”

He watched from the corner of his eyes as Jongin chatted with the two girls, happy that the one who was crying had visibly relaxed now. He had also found it a little comical, how right after you stopped crying, you proceeded to pull out your laptop and recommence work again.  He thought one would need a little more time to recuperate and maybe take a breather. Apparently, you did not, as you proceeded to begin typing frantically, all the while still brushing away stray tears.

Junmyeon shook his head, leaving the mess that was currently happening in the café, to go to the backroom and sort out through the newest delivery of coffee beans and other food items.

 -----------------

A few days had passed, and so did midterms. Y/N felt like a new woman and had no doubt you looked like one when you walked into Black Pearl. Last time you had been here you were a crying mess, wearing your worst clothes, because that was all that was clean that week, and had not slept for two days. Today you were well-rested, smiling and wearing your better clothes. You definitely felt brand new.

“Can I get an espresso?”

“Sure.” Junmyeon answered, smiling, as Jongin behind him started making the coffee. He looked up from the till, ready to give the woman the price, but instead of a stranger, his eyes met someone vaguely familiar.

“Do I know you?” He asked, standing a little straighter to give a good impression of himself in case the woman was in fact, a stranger, and he would have to awkwardly apologise.

“You might know my friend. She is friends with Jongin.” You answered, your voice carrying a cheerful lilt. Junmyeon had barely been able to recognise you now. You looked completely different from the young woman he had watched cry over spilt coffee a few days prior.

“Oh, you must be Y/N.” He said, his eyes, the colour of coffee, were sparkling, and he noticed that he smelt like coffee after sorting through the deliveries with Minseok all morning.

“How did you know?” You asked, sounding pleasantly surprised.

“Jongin mentioned you a couple of times before.” Your eyes widened in slight alarm, worried about what Jongin could have said about you to his colleagues, or worse yet, that he was there to witness your little episode form a few days back. 

“We do hang out a lot.” Junmyeon watched you nod, confirming it more to yourself than to him, and he let out a little laugh, wanting to put you at ease. You had looked more relaxed when you entered, and now you looked almost equally as stressed as you had last time he saw you.

Wanting you to relax a little, Junmyeon came up with a great idea, at least great according to him. He wanted to make you laugh, hoping that would put you at ease again. He quickly scribbled something on a napkin.

“Here.” He said, once Jongin handed him a steaming cup of espresso, and he handed it to you, slipping the folded napkin onto the saucer.

“Thanks.” You said, smiling at him, and Junmyeon though you looked quite pretty. Scratch that, he thought you were stunning, smiling at him with flushed cheeks and rosy lips.

“What’s your name?” You asked, and only then it hit him that he had not introduced himself and that he was also not wearing a name badge. He didn’t even have one.

“Junmyeon.” He answers and extended a hand over the counter for you to shake. You did so, still smiling. Junmyeon liked how your small hand fit in his larger one, and how warm it was, despite the cooling weather outside.

“Nice to meet you.” You said, before letting go, and Junmyeon had to remember to breathe for a second when you flashed him another blinding smile.

“I’ll see you around.” You turned to the back of the sitting area, walking into the furthest corner, ready to continue with your work.

“See you!” Junmyeon called after you, as Jongin snickered behind him.

A few minutes later, he could hear the quiet sound of your laughter as you read what he had written on the napkin.

“What is the chemical formula of coffee? CoFe2.”  He had scribbled, hoping the bad coffee pun would make you laugh, and it obviously had, seeing as you were laughing. Content with your reaction, Junmyeon went back to work. 

“Was that the girl bawling her eyes out on Wednesday?” Junmyeon asked Jongin in disbelief, his brain not being able to put the two as the same person. Today you had been so cheerful, it was almost unrecognisable.

“Yeah.” Jongin laughed, patting his older friend on the back.

“She is pretty, right?” He prompted Junmyeon, wanting to see his friend’s reaction.

“Yeah.” Junmyeon said, still looking at the corner of the room.

-----------------

Once you were back in your apartment Sylvia and Jongin had pestered you about Junmyeon, laughing at your first meeting. Jongin had told you that yes, Junmyeon did see you bawling your eyes out on Wednesday. Sylvia had a good laugh at your expanse, again, before cuddling up to you as Jongin continued his story. When he mentioned that Junmyeon had called you pretty after you sat down, it had brought a new flash of red to your cheeks.

“That was embarrassing.” You muttered feeling the heat coming from your face.

“It was funny.” Sylvia told you, and Jongin had agreed. His bright smile and subtle encouragements made you feel a lot better than Sylvia's laughing did. You knew she meant well though, because she offered to spy on him, which made you laugh, but it also made you question her. You knew her, too well in fact, and you wondered if she would actually do it. She did spy for you on a couple dates before.

“Is he cute though?” She asked, now more concerned about your feelings than the hilarity of the situation.

“Maybe.” You blushed again, remembering his soft brown eyes, dark like espresso and the fragrance of fresh coffee that mixed with his cologne. Jongin always smelled of coffee too, but Junmyeon smelled different. Muskier.

Your friends poked at you, pulling you out of your thoughts and your embarrassment.

“Oh, stop it!” You huffed before the three of you resumed watching the movie you had paused to gossip.

 -------------------

You had been going to Black Pearl regularly over the last few weeks. During that time, you and Junmyeon had started talking, exchanging small talk whilst waiting for coffee, talking about the business side of Black Pearl. You had bonded over complaining about Jongin's teasing. This morning was no different, you walked into Black Pearl, the warmth of the coffee shop enveloped you in a sweet-smelling bubble. Junmyeon stood at the counter, chatting with Minseok, who was bustling about behind him, putting in new syrups and bags of custom coffee blends. Junmyeon had told you they had recently started selling Minseok's custom blends, and it had greatly boosted their profits over the last month. He had been pretty excited about that. You stood in front of the counter, waiting patiently for their conversation to end, and you waved at Minseok just as he left to go back into the back room.

“Hey, can I get,” you started, but was cut off.

“An espresso?” Junmyeon finished for you, a teasing lilt in his voice. His dark eyes shone when he gazed into yours, and you could smell his cologne through the warm aroma of brewing coffee that spread through the whole shop.

“Yeah.” You nodded, tilting your head to the side, surveying him as he looked down at you with a small smile on his lips as he leaned across the counter, inching his body closer to yours.

“How did you know?” You asked, and he smiled a little wider, eyes crinkling at the corners.

“You order the same coffee every day.” He told you, and you laughed. Partially because of your predictability, partially because you had not noticed until now.

“I have an addiction.” You laughed, and Junmyeon looked down at you, oozing casual confidence, as his espresso coloured eyes warmed with his smile.

“And I am here to facilitate it.” He answered, handing you an espresso Baekhyun had just finished making.

“Hey Y/N!” He tried to get your attention. If only he knew that you had not stopped giving it to him.

 “What did one charged atom say to the other?” Junmyeon’s face was completely blank, but you could see in his eyes that he was about to burst. The ghost of a laugh crinkled the corners of his eyes, making them twinkle. It also pulled at the corners of his lips, which he could barely keep from smiling.

“I've got my ion you.” You answered, a smile playing on your lips, and your heart soared when the bubbling laugh ripped from his chest as evidence of his happiness. Little did you know, Junmyeon’s heart was soaring too, because you had spent the last minutes looking at him, smiling, all the while unaware of the way his heart beat against the cage of his ribs, oblivious to the slight blush dusting his cheeks. 

“Enjoy.” He told you, and you took your coffee, much to the happiness of the students behind you, sending Junmyeon flirtatious gazes over your shoulder; which he had ignored the whole time in favour of meeting your own. 

“Thanks, Junmyeon.” You waved before going out the door. 

“Bye Y/N!” He waved at you, still smiling, eyes following your figure until he could no longer see you. 

 ------------

You had just come back from Black Pearl, coffee in hand when Sylvia had run to you, out of the Student Library.

“What did you get on the exam?” She asked, linking her arm with yours. A knowing smile stretched across her pink lips when she spotted the cup in your hands and the faint smile that still ghosted over you lips.

“An A.” You told her, sipping on the hot bitter liquid.

“What was the point of being so stressed? I barely scraped a pass.” She whined, tugging you towards your next lecture.

“And whose fault is that?” You chastised, although the amused glint in your eyes gave you away, causing her to smile at you.

“Only my own.” She put her hand over her heart, tugging you towards the entrance of the building.  You laughed with her.

 -----------

Lectures were over, and you were back in Black Pearl, this time with Sylvia. She had begged you to come with her, and you relented, knowing that she wanted to see Jongin. It wasn’t a well-kept secret that she had a crush on him. In fact, you didn’t like calling it a crush. It was something more sophisticated. It was something mutual, a fact that only you were privy to.

“Hey, Jongin!” She called out, being the first to enter Black Pearl. When Jongin’s eyes fell on her, he smiled, eyes turning into crescents as his cheeks puffed out.

“Espresso and a Vienna?” He asked, leaning over the counter to be a little closer to Sylvia, something you noticed instantly, and something you thought Junmyeon and Sehun also noticed.

“How did you know?” Sylvia asked teasingly, leaning forward to meet him, smiling brightly.

“I read your mind.” Jongin told her, and she scrunched her nose, shaking her head lightly.

“Get a room.” Sehun muttered from behind the coffee press, and you could not help the snort that escaped you. Jongin handed you an espresso and a slice of pumpkin pie, giving you a wink and mumbling something about Sylvia looking pretty. You giggled at their childishness.  Your eyes turned to Junmyeon. He was sitting on one of the empty tables, having a coffee as he read some economic paper. He rose his eyebrows in greeting, before gesturing to you to come over.

“How did exams go?” He asked, and you felt like you were sitting with your studies advisor, rather than a friend. His serious aura and unamused eyes made him look older than he was, and the suit he was wearing today, pristine and ironed to perfection, made him look exquisite. Not like you would ever admit that.

“I passed.” You nodded, feeling a little sheepish, although still proud.

“That’s good.” He nodded, sipping on an espresso, as he lay down the paper he had been reading.

“I remember my own college days. I was equally stressed as you.” He told you, smiling wistfully as his eyes scanned the Black Pearl.  

“How did you relax?” You asked him, hoping for a holy grail of information- a golden undiscovered nugget. You were hoping to join in on a secret. Junmyeon always seemed relaxed, like he knew was he was doing. He seemed at ease. You envied and admired it in equal measure.

“I had a good cup of coffee and a slice of cake.” He spoke after a moment, completely serious. You could see the joke in his eyes, flickering like a flame behind his brown orbs. You laughed.

“Whatever you are selling, I have already bought it.” You told him, looking down at your own coffee and pie.

“Touché.” He chuckled, leaning forward and placing his elbows on the table.

“What did you major in?” You ask, wondering what someone as serious and level headed as Junmyeon could have possibly studied to end up working in a café.

“Economics and Business.” He told you, and suddenly the paper he was reading made a lot more sense.

“And now you work in Black Pearl?” You asked. You thought someone with a business degree, especially someone as professional as Junmyeon, would find work in a large company, going up the ranks, earning good money. Seeing him still living in the student town, sorting through coffee beans and taking orders when one of the guys was not here, made you question his motives. 

“I don’t just work in Black Pearl.” He told you, looking you in the eyes. His eyes darkened, and his lips turned up into a smirk. You squirmed slightly under his intense gaze. 

“I own Black Pearl.” He spoke, and your eyes widened. You didn’t know how to respond to that. You knew he was not like Jongin or Chanyeol. Junmyeon was not in as often, and he often disappeared into the back, but you did not think of guessing he was the owner. 

A little embarrassed and a little sheepish, you averted your gaze, your embarrassment eased a little by the sound of his laugh.

------------ 

A few days passed after Junmyeon told you he was the owner, you decided to come back. You sat in the corner, the sky outside was dark, and you had already finished half of your essay by the time you felt someone sit opposite you. You raised your eyes from the screen of your laptop, looking straight into Junmyeon’s brown orbs.

He smiled, his eyes closing into crescents before he greeted you.

“Here.” He said, sliding a cup of fresh coffee over the table top towards you.

 “Thanks.” You muttered, feeling shyer than you had before, now that you knew what he did for a living. He gave you a polite nod, but the nervous fiddling of his fingers did not escape your notice. You looked up at him, raising an eyebrow in question.

“Do you want to go on a date this Sunday?” He said, but this time his usual confidence was pushed to the back, and instead of the air of warm charisma, Junmyeon seemed tense. There was doubt swimming in his eyes, but there was also hope.

You smiled, and you could see his shoulders slump a little when he let out a breath.

“Will it involve cake and coffee?” You asked teasingly, looking him in the eyes.

“Do you want it to?” He asked, brows raised in question as he scanned the cup of coffee he had brought you and the half-finished piece of red velvet sitting right beside it.

“Absolutely not.” You laughed, and Junmyeon let out a sigh of relief, as he slumped in his chair, laughing lightly to himself.

“Tomorrow at six is okay for you?” He asked, and you hummed in approval. Returning to your essay, you sipped on the hot espresso, as he rose from his chair.

“See you then.” He spoke, and you barely caught the wink he sent your way as he returned to work.

 --------------

 The next day, you stood in front of the local arcade. Its bright glowing sign was like the sun against the dark night sky. November had come too soon this year, and it was getting darker earlier. People went in and out of the establishment with cacophonous sound, and while the cold air nipped at your cheeks, the warmth of Junmyeon’s presence beside you kept you hot.

“You didn’t want it to be a coffee and cake date, so I thought we could do this.” He told you, his usual confidence was back, and there was no hesitation when he began steering you into the direction of the arcade.

“An arcade?” You asked, not quite believing that Junmyeon’s choice of a first day would be so student-like. In the glow of the multitude of neon signs plastered over the exterior, he looked like a college student, despite his college days being over a while ago. He seemed younger now, a little more boyish. You were a little less shy now, knowing that the feeling of infatuation was mutual.

“You don’t like it?” He asked, ready to go somewhere else, but you stopped him.

“I just didn’t expect this from you.” You told him.

“Why?” The heat of his gaze was heavy on you.

“You and Minseok are the oldest. You always have this air of maturity and responsibility when you are in Black Pearl.”  You smiled lightly, diffusing any tension between you, before Junmyeon took your hand in his, walking through the arcade doors hand in hand, leaving the cold night behind you. In front of you, the flashing lights and tumult of sound enveloped you like a warm blanket.

“It’s new seeing you like this.” You faced him, squeezing his hand when you stopped just before all the games begun.

“I hope you are prepared to lose.” He laughed at you, dragging you further into the arcade.

“What first?” You asked, not focusing on any game in particular, as the onslaught of colours attacked your eyes.

“Pool?” Junmyeon asked, eyes landing at the area filled with pool tables.

“Sure.” You nodded, still holding his hand as he steered the two of you through the mass of people to find a free table.

After everything was done, you ended up sitting in a small pizza restaurant, the lighting inside was dim, but Junmyeon had insisted it was comfortable that way. He had ordered a bottle of red wine and chatted to you about the city. How long he had been here, where he was from, why he stayed. He talked of his friends, who were as good as brothers after so long. You talked to him about your hope for the future, the uncertainty of staying here if you were to not go into a master’s programme. You told him of Sylvia, and the way you became friends in your first year, and how two years later she was your closest friend.

And when the bottle of wine was finished, he hailed a cab and took you home, making sure you got into your apartment safely.

 ------------

Sitting in Black Pearl at the end of the day, Junmyeon enjoyed his cake and coffee as Chanyeol and Jongdae bickered over the last piece of the pie. Baekhyun and Jongin were playing cards, and the rest were enjoying the end of their shift, drinking coffee half asleep.

“So?” Jongin asked, and Junmyeon looked up from his red velvet, eyes wide with questions.

“So?” He mimicked, licking his spoon off the cream cheese frosting.

“Junmyeon! What do you think of her?” Jongin asked, alluding to you, as the rest of the guys stopped what they were doing, to listen to the gossip.

“I think she is wonderful.” Junmyeon answered simply, not wanting to attract unwanted attention or teasing from his friends.

“But?” Minseok asked, seeing the hesitancy in the younger man’s eyes, as they wondered over the coffee shop, not really looking at anyone.

“She doesn’t know if she will stay here, and in a year or two she can be gone.” Junmyeon told them, and Jongdae and Minseok nodded in understanding.

“You want it to last longer?” Minseok asked, curious about the girl his friend was seeing. It must be something serious since he was this hung up about the idea of her leaving.

“Of course. I’m not the type to have short flings.” He nodded, sipping on his coffee, before looking back at his oldest friend.

“I know. I’m just surprised.”

“She is a bit younger than you.” Jongin pointed out, eyebrows furrowed in contemplation, thinking about the age gap that the two of them had. Four years could be a real deal breaker for some people.

“Does it matter?” Junmyeon asked as little defensively, and Chanyeol and Sehun were quick to shake their heads.

“Does it matter to you?” Jongin asked, wanting the best for both of his friends.

“No.”

“Then leave it.” He told him, patting Junmyeon on the back before getting up to clean his plate.

 ------------

A few weeks had gone by, and by the time Christmas was rolling around you were spending most of your free time between the library and Black Pearl. Date nights had become a weekly thing with Junmyeon, and he even stayed the night a couple of time, each time at your insistence. Today happened to be a snow day, and you and Junmyeon were planning on building a snow man in his garden and watching Christmas films on the couch.

You were meeting him just outside of Black Pearl, and you could already see him standing beside his car. You walked a little faster, excited to finally spend some time with him after all the exams. The ground was slippery, and you never noticed your undone shoe laces, before you went flying, right outside his car, as you slipped on the pavement.

You closed your eyes, expecting to fall onto the hard ground, but the fall never came. Instead, two strong arms wrapped themselves around you, holding you close.

“Tie your shoelaces.” Junmyeon told you. “I wouldn’t want you falling for anybody else.”

“It’s a good thing I fell for you then.” You laughed, by now used to his dad jokes.

He winked at you, before setting you safely on the ground.

You stood up on your tiptoes, looking him in the eyes, before leaning in close, pecking Junmyeon’s lips lightly. It had sent a flash of warmth through your body, and you tried snuggling a little closer, but he stopped you.

“One more.” He requested, and you obliged, letting him kiss you properly. His lips felt warm on yours, and the sweet scent of hot chocolate lingered on his work clothes, enveloping you in a blanket of warmth.

There was one thing you always knew Junmyeon was- comforting, and you were reminded of that when he brought you closer, shielding you from the winter air.

[totally-incorrect-theatre-quotes]

Hair (fanfic)

Look at me go, two fanfics in two days. It’s almost like I should be studying or something but would rather write sad fanfiction instead of dealing with organic chemistry. 

Anyway, this fanfic is heavily inspired by a text-post from @lesbian-deetz  about blonde Lydia and how she ended up with black hair and a tiktok by @vrronicasawyer-cosplay 

 I took an already sad text post and made it ten times sadder!

Tw: Mourning, death

__________________________________________________________

Everyone always said Lydia had the most beautiful blonde hair. When she was first born everyone was so shocked to see this tiny baby girl with light blonde hair when both her mother and father had dark hair, it wasn’t until they remembered Charles’ red-headed father that it all made sense that Lydia was blonde. From the day she was born, nobody could deny that Lydia was Charles’ daughter. Even as a baby she looked exactly like him from her eye color, the shape of her nose, and her face in general. Emily tried not to be envious, though she did land in a few remarks about how unfair it was that she grew Lydia inside of her for nine months and she looked exactly like her father, who’s job in making the baby ended nine months and fifteen minutes ago. Little did Emily know that even though she looked like Charles, Lydia would undeniably be considered Emily’s little clone. 

As a toddler, she had little curls that killed people when she gave a rosy-cheeked and buck-toothed smile. Her mother would love to braid flowers in Lydia’s hair and pretend they were fairies in the garden. Her father used to gush about how he loved the light, almost white colored hair that contrasted Lydia’s dark brown eyes. As she got older Lydia always just kept her hair long. She liked the way that it blew all crazy when she was running on the playground, and the time spent every morning with her mother helping her fix her hair for the day. She begged her mother to let her get bangs when she was around ten years old, and Emily begrudgingly agreed only because she also had bangs as a child and hoped that letting Lydia get them done once would get it out of her system. Lydia ADORED her new hair cut, and even Emily thought the look suited her. Mostly she was just thrilled her daughter was happy and expressing herself.

Lydia never really thought much about having blonde hair, she just thought it was funny when people would joke about how her family must have brought home the wrong baby because her hair was so light compared to hers. Her father kept his brown hair in a professional style like all the other father’s Lydia saw of her classmates, she teased him for being boring. Emily though, she had shorter hair from as early as Lydia could remember. It was dark brown, nearly black hair that Emily kept cut just above her chin in a messy bob. At nights Emily and Lydia would flip through old photo albums and Emily would groan when photos of her with long hair appeared. 

“My parents always wanted me to keep it long, said it was ‘proper of a young lady’ ” Emily mocked in a stuffy voice, “As soon as I turned sixteen, I went to the hairdresser and told them to chop it off! My mother was less than thrilled when I came home missing ten inches of hair.”

“Would you be mad if I cut my hair like that?” a ten-year-old Lydia asked

Emily shook her head, “Of course I wouldn’t be. You can do whatever you want with your hair. I just like mine this way, I’ve kept it this short ever since I was sixteen years old. I think it’s very me, don’t you?”

Lydia nodded, “I like my hair like this. I think I would keep it that way, besides daddy really loves my hair long.”

“I think you’d look cute with short hair, but if this is how you like it you should keep it that way.”

Lydia thought about it for a second, “Maybe when I’m older...I’ll test out some new looks.”

“Didn’t you just test out these bangs little lady?”

Lydia was twelve years old when Emily first got sick. The doctors seemed hopeful in the beginning, said that her chance of beating it was sixty percent, but as time went on Emily got worse and worse. Emily’s once beautiful black hair was brittle and falling out as a reaction from the medication she was on, by the time the end was drawing near, she had only patches of hair left. Lydia remembered crying when her mom asked to braid her hair one more time,  just hadn’t been able to do her own in so long, and even though Lydia was all grown up now, just once more Emily wanted to it. Slowly and deliberately Emily twisted Lydia’s blonde hair into two strands, and when she was done both women were in tears. Charles, who was silent for the whole thing, remarked how beautiful they both looked. 

A few days later Emily took her last breath. Lydia and Charles at both sides of the bed, holding her hands in theirs. Lydia doesn’t remember much of what happened afterward, it was all a blur to her but it still pains Charles to play over in his mind how Lydia screamed and cried for her mother to come back, that she wasn’t ready to let go, how he had to pry his sobbing daughter away from her dead mother, Lydia’s arms still outstretched reaching for one more hug, one more kiss, one more time of Emily doing her hair. He regretted not letting her, at the time he found it morbid but he often wondered if he had just let her say goodbye on her own terms that she would be coped better. Instead of righting his wrongs, he simply tried to ignore it, and hope that Lydia would come around. 

At home that night Lydia felt so numb, she had already cried so much that she couldn’t even make tears anymore. Her father was so busy preparing arrangements for the funeral and organizing family that he didn’t have time to console his grieving child. She would stand right in front of him, tears running down her face but he would dismiss her, as he scrambled to get everything in order. She never felt so alone, even with all the people constantly parading in and out of her house. Adults simply giving her pitiful looks as they went to talk to Charles about how strong he was and what a good example he was for Lydia. She could hear their whispers to each other, and their glances at the frail and meak little girl sitting on the stairs. She knew they wished she could just give them a polite smile or thank them when they gave their condolences. She couldn’t though, because she knew it was fake. They weren’t sorry for her loss, they were sorry that she hadn’t moved on. She couldn’t tell anybody how she felt, any time she tried they would just turn away. 

Her aunt sat by her in the living room and instead of reading the tone, Lydia was silent and tearful, she picked up a picture frame of Lydia’s family and remarked, “You know, you look just like your father.” 

She lost it, she managed a mousy, “I get that a lot.” before she ran up to her room, slammed the door and cried. 

The night before the funeral Lydia came down the stairs and found her father clutching a framed photograph of Emily in his hands. Lydia stared at the photo. Her mother and father were dancing, something that Charles never did unless Emily coaxed him into it. They were younger, maybe in their twenties. Charles in the photograph had messier hair and was frozen in a laugh as he dipped Emily. Emily’s mouth was in a wide smile and her short black hair was fanned out behind her. Lydia held back a whimper as she snuck out the backdoor and walked down to the drug store a block away. It was a route she was familiar with, growing up in New York Lydia walked a lot of places, but talking to the drug store this time felt strange as if reality felt off. Mindlessly Lydia walked through the aisles, unsure of what she was even looking for until she stumbled into the rows of hair coloring. Cautiously she picked up a box in her hand and ran her fingers through her long blonde hair. Without saying a word she dropped the box on the counter, paid for it, and walked back home. 

She went into the kitchen and grabbed a pair of gloves and a pair of scissors. She quietly went into the bathroom and set everything down, careful not to attract the attention of her father. She held a photograph of her mother up to the side of her face as she stared at herself in the mirror. She stayed emotionless as she applied the dye, showered, and dried her hair. Standing back in the mirror she twisted the now dark black hair around her fingers, looking back and forth between the photo of her mother and herself in the mirror. She picked up the scissors and aggressively started cutting, long curls of her hair falling to the floor. Tears were streaming liberally and her face burned a bright red as she sobbed. When she was done it was choppy, uneven, and short. Shorter than she had even had it before. The longest section rested above her chin, but it was exactly what she wanted. When she looked at her reflection she didn't even recognize who she was, but she felt like she was looking at a ghost. 

“Lydia?” Charles called from downstairs, “What’s going on up there, are you alright?”

She gathered up the mess she made and threw it away before walking calmly down the stairs to greet her father. She hesitated on the banister, but there was no going back. She stood in front of her father and just waited for a response.

“What the hell did you do!” He screamed, “Oh my god Lydia, why did you do this? The funeral is tomorrow and you had to do this tonight, do you not think before you do things! Look at it-”

Lydia’s eyes started welling up with tears but she tried to keep herself under control. She knew he would be shocked, but she hadn't expected him to scream at her, not two days after her mother had died. 

“Lydia your hair was beautiful! I loved it, your mother..she loved it! Why did you do this! What the hell have you done, can you please just explain why.”

Lydia couldn’t help herself, the dam broke and she started screaming back at him, she could feel angry and hot tears running down her face, and her chest felt so tight that she was afraid she couldn’t breathe. She wouldn’t give him a straightforward answer, she just yelled at him about everything that she had been feeling, for how everyone had been treating her.

“I’m invisible dad! Nobody sees me, you don’t see me. All you do is look at everyone else, and look at pictures. Well, guess what dad, now you have to look at me! DO YOU SEE ME NOW DAD!”

“I am looking right at you, I haven’t gone anywhere. It has just been a rough couple of days-”

“I am so sick of everyone telling me that. That it’s been rough, and that it’s going to get better. It’s not going to get better, they are liars because they can’t bring her back!”

He sagged his shoulders, “Lydia, I’m sorry you feel that way. I just, I don’t understand why you felt like you had to do this. You cut your hair, you dyed it black. We understand you’re in mourning, but isn’t this taking it too far!”

Lydia’s face contorted and she began to violently shake, she collapsed on the ground and sobs wracked through her tiny frame. She looked up at her father and whimpered, “Do I look like her?”

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[imaginexmeintheuniverse]

Your Friendly Neighborhood Helper

12DOCOTP Day 2: Character A works as a Santa’s helper. Character B has a small sibling/child. + Character A is desperate to find a particular item (book/toy/etc.) as a present for someone, but it’s been sold out everywhere. Character B helps.

Pairing: Peter Parker x Fem!Reader

A/N: I switched up the characters for this prompt a little wherein the reader has a small sibling and is desperate to find a particular item, and our sweet bean works as Santa's helper (how freaking adorable would that be) and helps the reader find said item!

*Y/S/N: your sister's name

❄ ❊  ❄  ❊  ❄  ❊

"Next!" An elf leads the way for you and your little sister to go see Santa Claus.

Waiting in a line of screaming kids for over an hour, only to see mall Santa for two minutes isn't exactly how you wanted to spend your Saturday morning, but you do love your little sister, so here you are.

Walking  your sister up to Santa's throne, you help her get up on this lap, and back away to be out of the picture. You stand behind the elf who takes the pictures, unable to see his face that's pressed up against the camera to look through the view finder. Something about him looks very familiar.

You watch your sister with a smile, remembering how excited you were when you were her age and your parents took you to see the big jolly man. She's beaming at the man as he asks her what she wants for Christmas and whispers her answer into his ear as though it's a secret, but you already know what she wants. You already looked everywhere but couldn't find the one toy she wanted.

"Y/N, are you okay?" You're more than a little creeped out by a stranger knowing your name, until you actually look at the person and realize it's one of your classmates.

"Oh, hey Peter," You look him up and down, taking in his embarrassing, but adorable elf outfit. "I didn't know you worked here."

"Yeah," he says sheepishly, tugging at the large bow around his neck and hoping you can't see the blush spreading on his cheeks. "I'm taking pictures for a little extra money to help out with the holiday shopping." You nod, and glance over to your giggling sister. Peter can't help but notice that you're a little off. "Really though, is everything okay?"

"Uh, yeah—" You hesitate for a second, unsure about whether or not you should bore him with your worries. "Just some holiday stress— I don't want to bother you with the details—"

"You're not bothering me," He toggles with the camera before looking up and giving you a warm smile. You're not close with Peter, only making occasional eye-contact during lectures, and casual conversations during labs here and there.

"Well, it's just that my sister really wants this toy for Christmas— it's the only thing she's been asking for, but it's the most popular toy of the season and it's way sold out."

"What's the toy?"

"This Spider-Man action figure— she has all the Avengers figures— but there's this new Spider-Man suit and he's her favorite hero, so she really wants it, and I can't find it anywhere—"

"I can help you."

"Huh?" You stop your nervous rambling, unsure whether or not you heard him correctly. "But it's sold out— and I've checked everywhere in New York!"

"I know a few store owners here in the mall," His smile is contagious, and looking back at where your sister sits, happily clutching the small toy Santa Claus handed her.

"Really?" You ask him, offering a cop out, because you don't want to drag him into your holiday mess.

"Y-Yeah, a close friend of mine actually," He bends down, focuses the camera, and presses down on the shutter. "Say cheese!" The camera clicks and flashes a few times, and you can't help smiling at the sight of how overjoyed your sister looks. "I get off in a couple hours, can you meet me back here?"

"Sure," Your little sister hops off Santa's lap and runs over to you— practically tackling you with a hug, and show you the little penguin plushie. Taking her hand, you turn back to Peter before heading off. "Say thank you to Santa's helper for the lovely picture, Y/S/N."

"Thank you," She beams at him as he hands her the picture.

"Thanks, Peter," You tell him, mostly thankful and surprised at how reassuring he is. You're not sure what it is, but something about being around Peter has always made you feel safe; like everything's going to be all right.

"I'll see you later," he calls after you as your sister drags you away to see the elf village.

"Hey, Y/N," You sister tugs at your sleeve to get your attention. "How do you know Santa's helper?"

 ❄  ❄  ❄

You brought your sister back home, and your back at the mall now, two hours later, waiting for Peter just like he told you. You're browsing on your phone, looking at online stores for any hope of finding your sister's present, but none of the options seem promising. All fakes with a ridiculous flaw, or the real thing but it won't arrive until after New Year's.

"You ready to go?" You turn around to see Peter standing behind you, tucking the rest of his elf outfit into his backpack before slinging it over his shoulder.

"Yep," you answer, standing from the bench and slipping your phone in your pocket.

"Come with me." He starts walking in one direction, and you follow closely behind him. "We got one hour before stores close." You nod like you're accepting a top secret mission, and the two of you speed up your pace.

The first store he brings you to ends up being a dead end, and the second, yet another disappointment. The third store gives you a little hope, only to be let down again.

"Come on, Tony, you gotta have something," Peter pleads with him. He leans in close and whispers to him so you can't hear him say, "I'm trying to help out this girl I really like."

"Sorry, Parker, I'm all out until boxing day."

"Thanks anyways," You thank the man and walk out of the store dejected. Peter seems to be all out of ideas, which isn't comforting, but you do really appreciate all the effort he put into helping you out.

"Thanks, Peter, but I think she'll just have to wait this time around." He opens his mouth to answer, but then closes it, instead pulling out his phone and writing a message at the speed of light. Your gloomy expression soon turns into a confused one as you wonder what he could be rushing so hard for.

"I've got one more thing I can try," He says, grinning excitedly at you.

 ❄  ❄  ❄

"Hey— Y/N, h-hi!"

"Ned?" You turn to Peter, totally confused as to why he's brought you to his best friend's house.

"Hey Ned," Peter greets him, and Ned lets the two of you inside. The two have you sit on the couch before heading off to Ned's room, leaving you there, still confused.

"Dude! You didn't tell me Y/N was with you!" Ned bursts out immediately after the door closes and Peter hushes him, hoping you didn't hear.

"That's why I need that new release!"

"But I just got it!" Ned whines, grabbing the figure that's still in its box.

"Please!" Peter pleads, still trying to get Ned to calm down. "I can get you another one— Y/N's sister is a big Spider-Man fan and this could be my shot—"

"Say no more," Ned hands him the box, knowing how long Peter's been crushing on the girl from chemistry. "But I also want the new Captain America that comes out in the New Year."

"You got it! Thanks, Ned."

You leave Ned's as soon as you came, saying your goodbyes, and when you get to the subway station, Peter pulls a box out of his backpack, smiling.

"Peter, you're the best!" you exclaim, tackling him with a hug. He chuckles as he stumbles backwards a little and bringing an arm around your waist to steady himself. "I-I don't know how to thank you! This is amazing."

"It's nothing," He shrugs, but his rosy cheeks indicating otherwise. "It's not a big deal."

"This is a huge deal! Please, tell me how I can repay you."

"Y-You don't have to repay me—"

"I was actually thinking I could return the favour," A warmth creeps its way up your cheeks as you swallow your nerves. "Maybe with a movie Friday night?"

"Y-Yeah, that'd be- I-I'd like that."

"Great, I'll see you at school Monday," You say before turning towards your subway direction, and then something stops you. It could be how your heart rate just spiked way up, or the feeling of a thousand butterflies in your stomach, but something urges you to look back. You turn back and see Peter still standing where you left him, doing what looks like a happy dance of sorts, and watch him with amusement until he notices you. He instantly freezes and turns beet-red.

Closing back up the small distance you created between you and him, you march up to him grinning. You let out a small laugh at his perplexed expression before  placing your hands on either one of his shoulders, and planting one on him. Keeping it short and sweet, you pull back before he can even get over the initial shock. "Thank you, Peter."

And with that, you walk off to your train, leaving an adorable, blushing Peter feeling like he's walking on air.

[not-your-average-hazbin]

Time to Unwind- Baxter x Alastor Fluff Story

The fish was busy working in the laboratory, slaving over his projects and studies. Working at his desk on reading a book on the “Chemistry of Poisons”, usually one of his favorite topics to look into… He was losing his focus slowly, but surely. He didn’t know what had gotten into him. He was nearly falling asleep, and it wasn’t even that late! Baxter was rubbing his eyes and adjusting his goggles. He attempted to read on, but couldn’t bring himself to do it. He felt off, unfocused. He took his glasses off and rested his head on the large book, using it almost like a pillow, his brain was so terribly scattered, he had to clear his head somehow. Baxter decided to put his work aside for a small while. And read for pleasure instead. He picked up the book he’d been working on, and sat on his blue velvet loveseat, spreading out on it, and laying down with a sigh.

Meanwhile, Alastor was rather bored, nothing to do. Most of the misfits had gone to bed, as he had no need for it, he didn’t sleep often. He knew he couldn’t mess with and or scare anyone or the princess would be dissatisfied, and he wasn’t in a place where he needed to hunt out in the woods for food. So he ended up teleporting to the laboratory with a snap of his fingers, to check on the fish that he knew fairly well. When he had nothing better to do he liked to tamper with his scientific sets up to see if he can eat any of his specimens. He would often be chewed out by the little fish, he just found it humorous. But when he did end up feeling nice, or to get himself out of the dog-house with Baxter, he would go around fetching him little dead things. Like mice, rats, and birds. Baxter wasn’t disgusted, he instead used them as specimens, they seemed to make him happy. Those were the specimens Alastor never ate. Nevertheless, he checked the fish’s bedroom first, no sign of him. Alastor opened the door back into the lab and saw Baxter, his little light on, reading a book. The freckles on his cheeks let off a dim glow along with the other bioluminescent markings on his small frame. Alastor’s already large smile widened unintentionally, and the tall demon skunk in the shadows making his way behind the little loveseat.

Baxter continued on reading, using his esca as a reading light. It was rather convenient this way. His goggles slid down his small bump of a nose. And continued on. Alastor slid up behind the small fish’s head, behind his slicked back greasy hair. He turned a few more pages, Alastor reading over his shoulder. Alastor couldn’t help it anymore so he softly said, as not to frighten him too terribly much.

“Hello Doctor~” He said in almost a sing-song tone.

Baxter jumped, and being the skittish thing he was he threw the book in the air and rolled off of the small couch with a yelp. Alastor seemed satisfied, and let out a small chuckle. Catching the book he was reading in mid-air with a single snap.

“A-Alastor! I told you to knock. Or announce yourself for that matter……” He was embarrassed. He stood up, dusted himself off and sat back down, now taking up less than half the seat because of his size.

“I apologize for startling you Baxter, Hmhm~ Would never do it intentionally…” He smirked as he said this. The Radio Demon grabbed the book Baxter had thrown and set it in the small fish’s lap. He looked at it and the said

“It’s alright, Erm…. why did you come down here anyways? Did you need something?” He asked.

“ No no, just passing through to check in. Nothing more.” Responded the deer fellow.

“Well, In that case…. I’ll be back to my book.” Said Baxter continuing with his reading, expecting The Radio Demon to leave. But Alastor didn’t leave, nor did he have the intent of leaving. He sat down by the fish, he sat there, completely entranced by his little light on the end of Baxter’s lure. It bobbed up and down as the scientist read. Alastor watched it so intently, his large red eyes went a bit static. The even made the staticy noises. Baxter tried to pay it no mind, but he was staring blankly at him. He thought it was extremely odd. He returned to his reading, trying to dismiss it.

He was able to do so, until he felt his lure move slightly. He looked up from the page he was reading, to see Alastor’s hand, poking his light. The fish froze. The teal spots on his face lit up brightly, his eyes were wide, and his light turned pink. Alastor looked at it with a quizzical look in his eyes now in place of the blank stare.

“It’s…. Rather beautiful…. It can change color?” His ears were positioned high on his head, showing his interest. Baxter remained still, and managed to stutter out.

“Wh-Why Yes…. It… Can….” The fish was visibly nervous, but Alastor was too occupied by his light to notice.

“Well…. What does pink mean? I’m rather curious now…” He questioned. The fish began to sweat a little, he happened to know the meaning of the mood ring attached to his lure. The light went brighter pink, and so did his cheeks. Alastor went giddy at this, and let out a little deer squeak of excitement. Baxter was surprised to hear this out of the “Formidable Radio Demon” even if he was part deer. His surprise just made the lights on his face and lure brighter and more vibrant. They were not helping his cause...

“There it went again! It got even more rosy!” The tall demon gently poked and prodded the significantly smaller demon’s bright pink esca for a small while, the tiny fish powerless to stop him.

“Hm, I wonder….” Alastor muttered quietly. Baxter’s eyes widened, before he could even utter the word “No.” The Radio Demon started to rub and caress his little light, masking it’s glow in his large gloves hands, his smile wide. Baxter felt himself relax, without him wanting to. His body went from tense, to relaxed just like that, his expression changed to a softer one of enjoyment. Alastor noticed the tension in the fish disappeared, and smiled even wider, rubbing gently, seeing into the light which showed very well the scientist’s mixed emotions, in pinks, reds and purples.

Alastor’s eyes lit up, he found them so pretty, putting off a bright glow in the dark laboratory. Baxter couldn’t resist him, and the deer knew it. Baxter wasn’t in control of his own actions, he was unsure, but not opposed to the treatment he was getting. Alastor looked Baxter up and down, he seemed content with what he was doing, then he looked to his little webbed fish fins on the sides of his head. Baxter’s fins were perked all the way up, and they twitched, just a little. Since Alastor had been so curious about the fish, why not test just one last theory?

Alastor let up on the Angler’s light, giving him just a moment to recover, his light shifting to a hue between his normal yellow, and that pinky color from before. He breathed more heavily than usual. He was nervous. He met eyes with Alastor.

“A-Alastor… What was that all abou-“ The Radio Demon cut him off. Alastor reaches for Baxter’s fish ears. Starting slowly, scratching right behind it. Baxter yelped, startled by his sudden motion. The fish’s reaction was priceless to him, he was surprised at first, but it melted into satisfaction. The little demon loved it so. Those cheeks with the little glowing aqua diamonds on his face, his glasses were crooked, but his expression was pure joy. Alastor hadn’t ever seen the scientist like this. He was always so uptight, stressed, and focused. It was a treat to see him so relaxed.

Baxter liked this. He couldn’t place his finger on why. It was. Like he was getting attention he had never felt before, like he’d been noticed by someone who enjoyed his company. He finally gave into his feelings and responded to his urges. He rubbed his cheek on the hand stroking him, encouraging him to go on, too happy for words.

Alastor was rather surprised by this response. But he obeyed Baxter’s silent request. Smiling, his little plan had worked. He sat there rubbing the fish’s soft little face, and then, Baxter did something to make Alastors entire afterlife spin.

He curled up quietly, and began vibrating. Alastor could feel it, and he recoiled. Slightly startled as he had never done this before, the fish hadn’t ever vibrated. He had a disturbed look on his face, and his ears sunk. So many thoughts ran through his head all at one time,

Is he alright?! Is he broken!? Did I break him!? Oh Dear Satan what have I done!?

Baxter looked confused and slightly disappointed.

“W-What was that? Baxter what did you. What did you just do?” Alastor asked.

“What? Was I doing something?! Did I do something?” He asked frantically.

Alastor took a moment, and processed what had happened in his little “test.” Then it hit him. He understood what it was then. Baxter has no time to react or protest. Because Alastor went right back to gently caressing the spot, that large smile still widening. Baxter was ill-prepared yet again, but went back to his curled up state. Purring gently enjoying the special treatment.

Alastor got into a rhythm. He rubbed for what he felt was an eternity, an adorable lovely eternity. He had even scooted closer to Baxter, feeling his gentle vibrations on his side. The small fish lad even got enough confidence to snuggle up closer to the giant deer.

After a few minutes more the purring, over time just transferred to soft steady breathing, and as for The Radio Demon, he had been lulled to sleep, his monocle has slipped down on his face, and so had the scientist’s glasses. Alastor fell asleep, happy where he was, he didn’t know why but it felt right. So he slept, next to his dear Baxter making soft deer noises and little snores.

Follow~up: Angel knocked on the lab door, checking to see if the fish was awake. He wags going to set up speakers in Baxy’s room. And crank “My Heart Will Go On” as loud as he could. Just to piss him off. That’d be a hilarious wake-up-call. He walked in, and saw Baxter and Alastor cuddled up on the blue velvet couch. He nearly verbally said “Aweeee!” but he restrained himself. He snapped a picture with his phone, chuckled at it. And left. Closing the door and taking his brand new blackmail with him~

((WOOHOO! I’M FINISHED AND I ENJOYED IT!

Thank you to....

@zoophobiapika, @evilassumptions, and @zpheadcanons ! For giving me headcanons and ideas to base this off of! Couldn’t have done it without them!

And to

@upppwego, and the lovely @ellen-jello for keeping me motivated and being so openly excited about it!

I hope everyone liked this. And please leave a comment if I should do more! Farewell my fellow Demons, Sluts, Sinners and Hazbins. I’m out! <3))

[monohart]

bread. (highschool!au)

ft. hwang hyunjin, bread and angst-fluff.

chan bet you couldn’t make bread

you bet you could

changbin put 50 bucks for can’t

actually

everyone betted against you, including your boyfriend hyunjin

he gave you a wink from the other side of the room and you didn’t know whether to laugh or cry

he wasn’t kidding when he warned you last night that if you bet against them, they’re either all for you, or all against you

you couldn’t even take out your anger on him for being so annoying without being too obvious

because hyunjin wasn’t a fan of pda... or any publicity for that matter

so it was silly but none of the others knew you two were going out

y’all been dating in secret for almost a full year

“i just don’t wanna share you with the others”

it was a pathetic excuse but the relationship was between you two only so who cares if nobody else knew

right??

anyway

you didn’t spend most an entire summer learning to bread and pastries with your aunt to Lose the bet

but long story short you won the bet and you were like the tax collector that day

changbin lowkey thought you were pretty cool hated you from then

in the afternoon, hyunjin ditched soccer practice to hang out with you because he was kinda very extremely super proud that you pulled through with the bet and showed the boys what you were capable of

the entire time they ate your bread he was just like

wow... damn i’m lucky

you had lots of assignments to get through so he came to help

you guys didn’t really have a secret hideout so you brought him home.

one thing led to another and

y’all ended up snuggling on your carpet

he was in his soccer gear aka Dirty™ so you didn’t let him on the bed

but at the same time you were so deprived of getting pampered by him so the carpet had to do

“but now i’ve dirtied your carpet, haven’t i?”

you punch him and he laughs his stupid cute little laugh :<

you send him off right before dinner because y’all didn’t want parents to start asking questions about you two

seungmin was your neighbour and should be coming home from soccer practice (the one hyunjin ditched) so the goodbye was short and sweet

you watch him sprint down the street and turn to you just before disappearing around the corner, to blow you another kiss

he was a soft baby to you but when it came to his friends the most he could do was sit next to you and tease you till no end

and quite often his teasing made you really quite genuinely annoyed at him bc

lol hwang hyunjin is a lil shit have you seen him

sometimes you hated him for being such an ass in front of his friends

but then you think of the soft moments like when y’all cuddle and kiss and go on secret dates... you always forgive him in the end.

not too long later everything happened, you had the urge to make bread again.

and this time you wanted to bake one just for him!!!

also bc your first anniversary was coming up yo it should be cute and special right? :))

you didn’t tell him your plans and neither of you spoke about the special day.

you decide it was all gonna be a surprise.

when the day came, you got up extra early to make sure you made the perfect loaf.

you weren’t disappointed with your results!!! it looked and smelt amazing and hyunjin would love it

you took the earlier bus to get to school bc you were gonna wait outside the gym for him bc he had compulsory gym training.

thankfully you knew only hyunjin and woojin were gonna be at the session so you really only had to avoid one person

that was woojin

oof

poor woojin lol he was kinda happy to see u but you pretended to not hear him through your headphones

when hyunjin walked out, your heart dropped like 10-fold bc he had like 29475959 friends from his other classes with him

so you yell out his name and pass the well-wrapped loaf to him

he did that dick move where he smiled and halfassed a nod to you and continue walking with his friends

honestly.. honestly honestly.. you were a bit like :/

only because he seemed indifferent to see you and stuff

but like ok whatever at least he took it

but you also had another present for him which was a card and letter you spent a lot of time on

so you push past his friends to walk beside him ask if y’all could perhaps talk

“we’re talking now, aren’t we?”

:<

and his friend who you weren’t familiar with butts in right there and goes all “ooo another suitor?? another girlfriend?? damnnn.. hwang hyunjin you dAWG”

a..another girlfriend..?

you didn’t even have time to process what he said bc that “friend” clapped hyunjin’s shoulder

and

and he dropped the loaf

y’all watched as it rolled down the stairs and the wrapping tore in half so the loaf tumbled out onto the dirty corridor floor

his friends started laughing and someone at the bottom of the staircase kicked the loaf around like a soccer ball

you look at hyunjin and he was laughing along with his friends??? ??

you ripped the letter you wrote into pieces and threw it at his face

and he looked at you in shock and surprise but

you left immediately

lowkey bumped into woojin on the way to class

but you left him in the dust because you just felt so so so humiliated and hurt

it was lunchtime

seungmin and felix were a bit confused as to why you walked straight past their table to sit with your other friends

hyunjin was still confused poor baby actually completely forgot about your anniversary so he thought you made another bet to make bread

you had history class with him after lunch, but you moved to the front of the classroom

which is somewhere he would never sit.

he kept throwing pieces of paper at you to ask why you were all the way at the front

even got some people to pass notes to you

all of which you ignored

:<

it took him until last period to figure out why you were giving him the cold shoulder

he was sitting in physical education class — watching some documentary about dance or smth

and obvs his headass wasnt paying the slightest bit attention to the film but he was thinking of you instead

and why you wore a permanent frown since the start of the day

while thinking of you he suddenly realised the date

then all the events of the day rushed into his mind all at once - from you waiting outside the gym, to the loaf incident, to your expression as you blind sided him and the boys the entire day

without asking for permission he ran out of class and straight to your chemistry class where y’all were doing filtration tests

and he stormed into the lab, spotting you immediately

you were working with minho, your lab partner, in the far corner, and y’all were giggling over a joke or smth but as soon as you saw hyunjin you turned away immediately

and it really broke his heart because he knew he was the reason why you were so uncomfortable

by then, the entire class was asking hyunjin why he was there

but all he could see was you trying to exit out the back

and he had no idea what came over him

but the entire class started screaming (esp minho) when he ran up to you and hugged you tightly

obvs like you were still mad at him so you knee-d him lol

and the entire class continued screaming (esp minho) as you pushed him out of the classroom and shut the door on him

needless to say the rest of the lab session was Super Awkward and minho tried not to make eye contact with you

(in case he gets knee-d too right)

by the end of the day you still couldn’t get over how the entire day was ruined and you rushed home before the bell rang bc u just had enough and some alone time was much nneeded

when the doorbell rang after dinnertime you wanted to cry because you were the only one at home

and you had to answer it because what if it was something urgent

but

what if it was hyunjin... who you didn’t want to see...

it was hyunjin ofc

he was wearing his sports gear and it seem like he was just out for a run

you started to close the door but he did that cheesy thing where he pushed it open again

and before you could speak, he kneeled down

you panic for a moment

but he got himself together and apologised.

because he knew since day one how important anniversaries were to you and he really had no excuse for forgetting, and he realises how you much like crap you must’ve felt when his other gym friends made fun of you and your gift and he was so unforgivably sorry because he laughed with them

he really shouldn’t have

but he did because they were just a couple of dumb teenage guys who liked to joke around without a care in the world

you see that he was really struggling and stumbling over his words

and deep down you knew how much you meant to him and how scared he was of losing you

you pulled him up and hugged him because you didn’t want him to continue or else you’d start crying real hard

so you kissed him to finally shut him up

but you hadn’t forgiven him yet so he was still hesitant to return your kiss but you cupped his cheeks and bite his cute fat lips that were just a little fatter because you were squishing his cheeks

you tell him that you really really didn’t want to hide your relationship anymore and he nodded without hesitation and then you tell him you’d forgive him if he kissed you properly

he didn’t hesitate at all uwu

after a really long time hhh y’all finally parted to Breathe a lil... gosh

you stare at his lips and see them all swollen and rosy and it made you shy bc Girl you did That hhhh

and he’s looking at you in the same way bc yours were swollen too and y’all stand there holding onto each other for who knows how long but then he wanted to kiss you again and you wanted him to kiss you too so he did

by the time y’all pulled away Again y’all were breathing and laughing and crying and laughing and just feeling all the emotions at once

and he rested his forehead against yours and tells you he’ll make you a loaf of bread instead

and you cry just a bit harder which sends him off too

w-why is he such a baby :(

not that you were complaining though.. because he tells you that he’s really been a better version of himself since he met you

and all the worries and things that make you scared about relationships just seemed irrelevant

because you and him were in this together

and it was the best feeling ever.