#like i said. fascinated by these kinds of ancient evil civilizations.

[targentis]

okay, this might be super rambly but,,, Agarthans (note that most of the canon stuff about the Agarthans is like pretty vague? but i��ll try to cover most of it in a way that kind of makes sense)

IN THE BEGINNING, Sothis arrived in Fódlan in the area of Zanado. according to the church, she then like created all life, but who knows whether that’s true. the timeline is a little bit funky around here, but conflict grew between her and the local humans, and eventually some fought against her and probably destroyed large portions of the world. from Romance of the World’s Perdition:

To this end, the children of men have erected pillars of light upon the land. Thinis, Malum, Septen, and Llium were utterly destroyed. Those lands have vanished from this world. Yet even still, the False God stands. And soon, a flood aptly named Despair will drown this world.

this reads to me like the use of javelins of light, so the proto-Agarthans probably essentially nuked the world. they then fled the destroyed surface to inhabit what’s now Shambhala, and swore to one day succeed in destroying the Goddess:

The children of men fled to the depths of the earth, beyond the sight of the False God, beyond the embrace of the sacred sun, and beyond the reach of the waters of Despair. They swore a fervent oath of revenge against the surface world, ruled by beasts, and against their tormentor, the False God.

much time passed as Sothis healed the world, and at some point (unclear if it was before or after this conflict with the proto-Agarthans), she created the Nabateans. they became the rulers of the humans who now lived on the surface again. tensions eventually came to a head again, as humans grew dissatisfied with their Nabatean rulers, and the Agarthans took advantage of this opportunity. from the Nintendo Dream interview:

Those Who Slither in the Dark wanted to overturn this state of affairs (of the Nabateans as rulers) and as such, they devised schemes. They granted humans the technology to make powerful weapons from the corpses of the citizens of Nabatea, or so was their plan that they enacted, to which they went forward with this plan using the human, Nemesis. As a result, what would happen to humans who gained power… they would want even more power, and find a dragon much stronger to beat in order to collect materials forcefully, in order to make even more powerful weapons… and so that was the cycle that was born. And that was the birth of Fodlan’s Ten Elites.

of note, it seems like the Elites weren’t aware of what they were really doing, or of that Agarthan involvement. from Fragments of a Forgotten Memoir:

Why does Seiros despise us so? What did King Nemesis do to incur such unyielding wrath? Perhaps it was a mistake to accept his offer. In any case, that is all in the distant past now… ______and before this body falls to ash, the evil…

this is what led to the genocide of the Nabateans, as Nemesis + co. killed them off to turn them into Relics. Seiros survived, and eventually gathered the strength of the surviving Nabateans and supportive human allies, and defeated Nemesis and the Elites. with the end of this war, the Adrestian Empire, founded by Seiros’s good buddy Wilhelm, spread across all of Fódlan.

the Agarthans slithered back to Shambhala for a while. at some point, they also started a plan to bring back Nemesis and the Elites, though that wouldn’t be completed for a long long time.

there isn’t a whole lot of lore detailed for quite a while here, but several hundred years later (in the mid-700s), Loog, a descendant of the Elite Blaiddyd, led a rebellion in the northern empire. he got many of the other descendants of the Elites on his side, but they were still severely outnumbered by the empire itself. the Agarthans, wanting to sow discord in human lands, supported Loog in this endeavor. from Burnt Remnants of a Report:

…the Faerghus Rebellion. I harbor doubts about the army Loog has raised. How did he recruit soldiers without raising suspicions in the Empire? How did he acquire those mysterious weapons, so like Heroes' Relics? What is the true identity of Pan, the tactician rumored to have been integral to Loog's victories? And Those Who Slither in the Dark…

it appears that the Agarthans sent an advisor in the guise of this Pan to direct Loog, and supplied his forces with powerful Agarthan weapons to defeat the Adrestian forces and secure Faerghus’s independence. perhaps they hoped this would lead to a revival of Nemesis’s kingdom, given that it, too, was located in what’s now Faerghus, but the specifics are unclear.

regardless, it seems that they later lost hope in their plans in Faerghus. about a hundred years later, King Klaus I of Faerghus died, and the country split among his three heirs. although two of them reunited, this is what led to Leicester becoming an independent country. Klaus’s death may have been orchestrated by the Agarthans as another attempt at sowing discord in Fódlan to soften it up for their future schemes. also from Burnt Remnants of a Report:

The shadowed order of the Knights of Seiros believes that King Klaus I of Faerghus was assassinated… Everyone believes that his will, which demands the territory be divided among the three princes and fails to name a successor, is a fake.

could have been assassinated by someone else, but given that Burnt Remnants is an investigation into Agarthan activity, it seems that whoever put it together figured they were related.

things with the Agarthans seem to have calmed down for a while, or at least whatever they did wasn’t as obvious or relevant to the modern state of Fódlan. by the time period of the games, they seem to have upped their activity once again, causing chaos everywhere they can. they bodysnatched a few prominent figures, most notably Cornelia Arnim, the recently appointed court mage of Faerghus; Volkhard von Arundel, brother-in-law to the Emperor and uncle of Edelgard; and Tomas, trusted librarian at Garreg Mach. they used these positions and others to do things such as:

orchestrate the tragedy of Duscur. Cornelia (Cleobulus) convinced not-yet-bodysnatched Volkhard to bring his sister Anselma to Fhirdiad to escape court politics in Enbarr. Anselma took the name Patricia, and Lambert took her as his wife. as time went on, she wished to see her daughter again, and was convinced by Cornelia that she could do so by helping her orchestrate the tragedy of Duscur. Lambert got assassinated, as did some of his closest advisors and guards, but Anselma only participated on the condition that Dimitri lived, so he was spared. she herself disappeared during the tragedy, and was never seen again. (the fact that the people of Faerghus responded by blaming and committing genocide against the people of Duscur doesn’t seem to have been in the Agarthans’ original plans, but given the fact that they’re Evil, i don’t think they’re too upset about it)

Crest implantation experiments. House Hrym tried to secede from the empire, with assistance from House Ordelia just across the border, but their rebellion was put down by Adrestian forces. House Hrym was killed off, and House Ordelia’s territory was occupied. Agarthans who had embedded themselves inside the Adrestian power structure took this opportunity to experiment on House Ordelia’s children, which Lysithea survived, having received a second Crest. afaik her siblings died? it’s likely, at least. later on, after the Insurrection of the Seven, they did the same thing to House Hresvelg’s children. all died (or ended up in a practically dead state) except Edelgard, who took to her second Crest better than Lysithea, thanks to the extra practice the Agarthans had gotten.

the assassination of Oswald. the Agarthans set up some Demonic Beasts along the roads of Leicester. this led to the death of Oswald, the current Duke Riegan’s son (and Claude’s uncle), as well as Raphael’s parents, who were merchants along that route. Count Gloucester was implicated in this plot, which heightened tensions in Leicester as well.

god knows what they were doing with Flayn. they probably wanted her blood (possibly to use it in their Elite resurrection experiments?) or maybe she was just a red herring to allow for Kronya to infiltrate the monastery as Monica, who had disappeared a year prior.

that kinda covers up to the start of the game!! idk if you were looking for background lore, or also events that happens during the course of the game. i can rant about those too if needed

cited sources and everything too! damn!

thank you for this incredible resource yet again. with the map of fódlan you also made, my fics will be researched to hell and back <3

[ohmeadows]

I was reading all the lore books of the Xianzhou for fic research and one volume in particular, Glimpses into the beyond, has my brain running circles, so why not share my notes

It's a manuscript written by Fu Xuan, touching on divination and Aeons

I loved this quote: "Humans walk the Paths, while stars cross the sky: Observing these situations can produce future predictions. All of this is based on the diviner's ascertainment of the present situation (or the past, because the present is constantly becoming the past)."

Implied that diviners must stay constantly in tune with the present lest they loose their footings

Mentions the founder of the Divination Commission, a master Xuan Yao, who said "Only the universe and the Aeons cannot be foretold."

Fu Xuan writes that the universe birthed the Aeons, not vice versa.

She further writes that omniscience is unattainable

While writing about the Yaoshi, she brings up the fact that any attempt to divine the Abundance's future is an unforgiveable felony onboard the Xianzhou. Any attempt to do so can be lethal for the diviner, and if they survive, they will face the full wrath of the Ten Lords Commission. (The other Aeons are kind of forbidden to divine, but the punishment is less severe and may even be suspended.)

She mentions that hubris often strikes diviners during their first 100 years on the job; likely implication being that she has been doing it for at the barest of minimums that time, and more probable way longer?

The rest of Fu Xuan's observations are musings on the nature of Aeons and relate a lot to the future of the Xianzhou:

Sorting of the Aeons into three categories, which the Xianzhou still uses:

"Arbiters: Determining mortal births and deaths, which are highly connected to the rise and fall of civilizations." Lan, Qlipoth.

"The Sacrosancts: Difficult to predict as good or evil; often unable to even know where they head for." Nous, Akivili, Aha, Idrila.

"The Authors of Calamity: The main culprit behind all disasters. Avoid, or be annihilated." Yaoshi, Nanook, Tayzzyronth.

Lan appeared in Year 3400 Star Calendar, and ever since the Divination Commission monitors and interprets what Lan's arrows mean.

Fu Xuan muses that while Qlipoth themselves strives for isolation between worlds with no contact, IPC, their foremost faction, facilitates contact and trade between worlds seemingly without drawing the ire of Qlipoth at all.

When the Xianzhou fleet set sail they witnessed Qlipoth's Echidna Skywall that seperates the worlds from the void.

Fu Xuan herself has seen Nous, the machine-like Aeon. "Contrary to standard thinking, Nous is not a god that provides solutions. On the contrary, all they offer is an infinite number of questions." Overall she speaks very highly of Nous and encourages diviners to take after them.

Akivili is shrouded in legends, but Fu Xuan mentions that both the IPC and Xianzhou fleet navigate space by the star rail ("chromatic echelons").

Deems Aha to be the Aeon closest to mortals, mentioning how Aha's followers instigated a riot that ended with a troll virus being spread in the local robot army.

While Idrila is fallen, it's implied that through gathering and using the relics left behind, they might come back.

This quote is just fascinating in the implications of Idrila: "According to ancient myth, Idrila once attributed the beauty of all the starzones to themselves, showing heroes, villains, and mortals the meaning and aesthetics contained within the cosmic landscape, and driving them to complete astonishing (but often devastating) achievements for Idrila's own pleasure. This myth may reveal the true meaning behind the Path of Beauty: The integration of consciousness, insight, and values."

There is some strange and remote connection between the Yaoshi and the Xianzhou people, apparently, one that physics cannot yet explain.

Nanook is the most recently ascended Aeon. Fu Xuan muses that the followers of Nanook are becoming an increasing problem, the fleet has lost contact with many worlds ravaged by the Antimatter Legion, and that in the near future it's likely they will have to face Nanook's forces.

Tayzzyronth, while dead, still has seeded worlds which in turn become hellscapes if not destroyed. Also their scions are still alive, and there are scholar theories that they can come back at any time.

Fu Xuan once inspected a piece of amber that was a piece from the "Imperator Insectorum's Prison Cell." The omniscia implanted in my forehead could not see the future of this item, which only serves to corroborate the scholar's claims. All I can do is pray in silence to the Reignbow that such a day will not come soon.

[bonkusdonkus]

I think one of my favorite D&D ideas is when a creature that would normally be considered evil, is a good person. I feel like I should clarify that I’m not saying that every monster should be a good guy, because frankly having a moral quandary every time you splat some baddies for gold is… A bit much, in my opinion. D&D is an RPG at heart, and RPGs need disposable bad guys to function, and to make those actual moral quandaries have some real punch, contrast is important.

But! Having said that, Having some monsters break the mold can be lots of fun for world building, open up some cool storytelling moments, and be a fun change of pace! So here are some ideas for some ‘evil’ creatures being good guys, or at least nuetral! Feel free to steal any ya like!

An isolated town out in the woods has a symbiotic relationship with a pack of werewolves, who protect the town from monsters and raiders in exchange for food and shelter.

An Ancient Black Dragon, having spent so much of their time around ruins and such, has become fascinated with mortal civilization, and taken up archeology.

A Rakshasa has decided that they are sick and tired of watching naive and desperate mortals throw away their souls in devil deals, and has set out to do something about it. They act as a sort of double agent, helping trapped mortals who were tricked or coursed into contracts get their souls back, and helping souls who are already unjustly trapped in hell escape from the inside.

A mad cult has taken over a city, locking the gates, preventing any one from entering or leaving, intent on sacrificing the innocent citizens to their dark god! Little do they know, that a pack of Wererats has been quietly smuggling their intended victims out of the city through the sewers, right under their noses…

A young Red Dragon has taken to ‘hoarding’ refugees from a brutal war raging in the countryside. Unfortunately, they’ve encountered a problem. There are hundreds, maybe thousands of refugees, and their cave simply isn’t big enough for all of them, especially since more keep coming. Wanting to ensure the safety of their ‘hoard,’ the dragon is out looking for a new lair big enough to accommodate them all.

A blind person’s dog is killed in a demon raid, and they’re utterly heartbroken. But, a few days later, they find a litter of puppies, abandoned during the raid. They takes them home, determined to give them a loving home, even if they were strangely hot and smelled a little… Sulphur-y. They grow up to be huge, wicked smart, and unfailingly loyal. The person loves their dogs with all their heart, so much that their neighbors don’t have the heart to tell them that their ‘puppies’ are actually Hell Hounds. (They probably already know though. Because, ya know. They’re not dumb, and Normal dogs don’t generally speak Infernal.)

As total war rages across the land, wounded soldiers are often left behind to die by their armies, the commanders more concerned with winning the war than saving lives. Rumors have been swirling about strange figures scuttling around abandoned battlefields after nightfall, tending the wounded with bandages made of spider silk and burying the dead. Most of the soldiers who return from these encounters don’t remember much, but a few whisper tales of red eyes, kind voices, and spiders the size of horses…

Ever since the new captain of the city watch was appointed, the crime rate has plummeted to near zero. A lot of the city’s criminals have either turned themselves in, or fled the city. As for the rest, well. They’re not around anymore. Probably because of the massive Weretiger that mysteriously appeared at the same time the new captain was appointed, and began hunting down every single would be murderer, slaver, and other assorted scumbags in the city.

A famine has struck the coastline, the fish have been chased away by the presence of aggressive Merrow raiders. Things were starting to look bleak for the fishing towns, until, inexplicably, some of the villagers begin to have strange visions of a great under ground lake, so unimaginably full of fish that they could barely swim, and with fruit trees of every kind growing around the shore. Driven by desperation, they followed the visions, and sure enough, the lake was real! But it was also occupied. By an Aboleth! But rather than try to attack anyone or invade anyone’s mind, it just… Let’s them take the food. Huh.

A doctor was turned by a vampire with a sick sense of humor. They wanted to see the doctor give in to their bloodlust and feast on their patients. But the doctor’s will was too strong, and not only resisted their dark urges, they have mastered them. Now they travel the lands by night, using their powers to save the sick and wounded, and helping other unwilling vampires control their urges.

An ancient white dragon had recently lost her one and only clutch of eggs to greedy adventurers. She was in despair, lonely, and struck by the realization that she likely didn’t have much longer to live. Then, one day while she was out flying, she stumbled across a camp of slavers. The slavers fled the moment they saw her, leaving the camp abandoned. Curious what the humanoids had been up to, the dragon investigated, only to find the camp full of hundreds of large eggs. The old dragon’s eyes had started go a few decades back, so when she saw the eggs, he mistook them for large chicken eggs. Thinking raising chickens might be a fun distraction in her old age, she took them home. Only, when the eggs hatched a few days later, it wasn’t chickens that came out, but Kenku chicks! After having a bit of a mental breakdown, (and swearing to hunt down those slavers, because they had been about to sell what was essentially unborn children into slavery!) She decided to raise the chicks as her own. 50 years later, her lair is the home of a thriving Kenku community, watched over by their kindly and very happy dragon grandma.

A very strange bard wandered into town the other day. Honestly, they’re the best bard anyone in the town has ever seen, they can sing, they can dance, they tell the best jokes, and their laughter is utterly infectious. None of which is the strange part. No, the strange part is that the bard is a Bone Devil decked out like circus performer. They even have a little jesters cap with bells on it to boot.

[gemsofgreece]

I don't think there is issue in say Circe or LO existing, they're allowed to exist, but I do think the issue is more the fans of these products (and the creators) want to claim authority over the culture and stories over actual greeks. They are allowed to be fans and retell it as they please, but them wanting to be THE voice of greek culture while huffing about how they're both allowed to change whatever they want but also they did so much research you don't you dare critique them is ... yikes.

Key phrase in your ask: the parenthesis (and the creators). The reasons such fans exist are because this is the kind of readers targeted by these creators. I don't know much about any of these works but if we suppose Circe is a retelling to redeem Circe as fighting against the patriarchy of ancient times and being painted as the villain because of that, who do you think is the target group for this?

a) people with genuine interest in Ancient Greek literature, either for educational or entertaining purposes,

b) sjw or radfems who need to find one more way to get across the message that a female character can't possibly be a villain unless she has been critically traumatized by an evil man which justifies her violence and vengeance against all men.

The correct answer is b, this is the target group. These people don't care about the Ancient Civilization itself. The book has nothing to do with the civilization. What these readers care about is to find more fields to demonize and apply their rhetoric to, which they find endlessly entertaining. The creator either enjoys the same things or profits from the raging trends of the times.

A person with genuine interest simply reads Homer, consumes media loyal to Homer's tellings and then maybe reads studies on Homer and the times he was describing. They are not interested in what would Odyssey be like if written by a WASP woman with an agenda in the 21st century because Odyssey simply wasn't written by a WASP woman with an agenda in the 21st century.

That's why I don't like a "retelling". What is a retelling supposed to be? Does it change anything in the ancient society? No. Does it risk being taken as gospel from people with otherwise minimum exposure to how things like ancient cultures are approached? Yes. Is it artistically enrapturing? Almost never, from whatever little excerpts I have seen. These are just rhetorics or half-assed storytellings where the creator was too unimaginative to make their own worldbuilding.

On the contrary, it would be so easy and fascinating to create original stories within the Greek mythological worldbuilding. Something new and fascinating that simply is part of that world without changing established elements, dynamics and figures so much they become unrecognizable. One of my favourite fics is a Sherlock/John Watson Ancient Greece AU (Mind you, I almost never like AUs, maybe unsurprisingly!). It was wonderfully written, very detailed and rich in content without needing to change anything that's been scientifically established as a reality of the Ancient Greek civilization. Now, that is true skill. That's worthy of your time, if you ask me.

A retelling of a cultural monument is problematic most of the time. It has no use and it can confuse when spread by the wrong person. That being said, I dislike a retelling coming both from foreigners and Greeks. I don't think Greeks have more authority to modify. The difference is that Greeks do not modify anywhere near as much as foreign Westerners do, simply because they do respect more, and that’s why they also complain more.

[vore-scientist]

Like A Good Neighbor (sfw safe vore)

[M/nb vore with fearplay. safe soft oral non-sexual]

A tale of the Mystic Woods! Featuring Yonah HaEsh and Myran the Dwarf Witch and many other fun characters!

A story of bad first impressions and making new friends! Lots of GT, and a cute little adventure at a magical farmer’s market!

Warning: Careful there are references to Fa.tal! An example would be “ogres are far more likely to eat smallfolk than giants!” (implying that said actions are deadly). That is the extent of such references!

Other warning: mild harm during the immediate post-vore scene. Yonah just goes a little too far in scaring Myran.

——/——////——

“Did you hear?”

“Have you been told?”

“A new resident!”

“I haven’t checked it out myself! But Ms Zukkar told me-”

“A wizard!”

“Didn’t there used to be an old sorcerer there?”

“-new guy’s a witch!”

“So, hear about that new giant!”

“A giant wouldn’t fit in that tower! And wizards is all human!”

“A criminal, on the run they say”

“Maybe a magician? They like towers sometimes!”

“His Majesty wouldn’t hire a criminal!”

“-supposed to be evil?”

There were so many rumors being flung around that the dwarf witch Myran Gamadin decided to see for themselves and set out to investigate. Undoubtedly there was a new resident. The story was that he was a Mage, and a criminal, but also just expelled from The Academy of Wizardry. And a giant? That was strange, the old tower was much too small for a giant! Even if it was magic it was only 10ft taller than your average giant in the first place. However… they did hear about the trial of a giant recently… stuff that happened in the civilized court didn’t really concern those in the Woods.

“Why would you go to see a villain? You’re not evil!”

The World’s Largest™ Maine Coon cat trotted alongside the handsome young dwarf, looking more like an oddly fluffy pony than a cat.

“It’s important to know your neighbors! Even the evil ones!”

Siv flicked his tail up into his witch’s face.

“And he’s got to be just a young man! So young and the expectations on evil mages is so high! He will appreciate a friendly face!” Myran had done the math. If this Mage hadn’t even graduated from The Academy, he was at most 23. Unless he started his education late. But they doubted this.

“Why are we walking! You have your broom!” the cat complained.

“That’s for the tower, Siv. It’s one of those designed by assholes who think it’s clever to have the only entrance be the window at the top.”

“Hrfff,” said Siv.

“Do you think he will appreciate the house-warming gift? I didn’t really spend much time on it…”

“Fresh fish would be better.”

“Maybe if he were a cat. This is for a Mage.”

“Clippings of magical plants? Maybe for another witch. This is someone who was studying Wizardry.”

“Wizards use magical plants too!”

“Yeah, they buy them from witches!”

As the pair stepped out of the trees, they froze.

“I think he’ll like the gift,” Siv admitted as he And Myran stood in awe at the largest magical garden either of them had ever seen.

It wasn’t even finished yet! Plots of earth were freshly turned, and piles of wood, half built into beds that lay in patterns across the clearing. And massively spread apart. At least 3 meters between plots. And the finished ones. Well. They already had some amazing specimens. Even if they were just sprouting. Myran noticed the Twisted WyrmFern and harpy’s breath; delicate, but common magical plants that were being used to test out the soil. It was working great.

The garden did make Myran worry a bit.

Maybe this wasn’t a wizard at all! It could be a witch. And he could be very evil indeed. Even evil witches treated their gardens with the utmost care and attention.

But they had come this far. And the tower that looked over the garden was calling to them. Well. Not really. The green-black thorny vines screamed “STAY AWAY!” But when one had a flying broomstick, one didn’t need to heed such warnings.

Flipping their broom around like a baton, they sat side saddle and Siv hopped on the end, somehow managing to balance his prodigious fluff. They took off. And flew into the window.

“WOAAAHHH!”

It was like hitting an unexpected and large wave on a boogie board, but a magical one that flowed through the body! And Myran had never been to the ocean, so it made their brain swim.

The room, which from the outside looked normal, was anything but. The rumors of this being a giant were not just rumors.

This place was HUGE!

And yet, it was much too small.

Growing up, Myran had visited some giant villages with their family. They hadn’t been THAT much smaller then, but the houses and items in the village were definitely much larger. While giant mages certainly existed, they had their own traditions and made their own supplies.

This looked exactly like the workshop for a young wizard, with additions for the wizard being a giant. It was wild to see some of the common arcane tools at such an immense scale.

Flying over, Myran saw that the resident Mage had an ancient book under a magnifying glass, and had been translating it, with notes and commentary. Spell equations and diagrams were additionally copied in a dedicated smaller notebook.

While it was surely a fascinating read, they could tell at a glance the notes were somewhere in the middle of an involved spell, and they didn’t want to be the reason the Mage lost his place. The workbench had plenty of other diverting materials.

Siv had no interest in such things and curled up against the base of the magnifying glass. The sun hit the metal through the window, making it quite warm.

Myran put their broom down and explored the desk. There were several magical tombs! Rare ones! They flipped through and saw fresh handwritten notes tucked inside. Smart, this mage did not want to tarnish the original pages. There was also an open notebook and a few spell components laid out.

They stepped carefully back onto the notebook to get a better idea of what this wizard was up to. The notebook was written in giant, which Myran wasn’t fluent in but got the gist of. So this was indeed a giant wizard. Fascinating.

That’s what they were thinking until...

FEE FI FO FUM!

Myran nearly jumped out of their boots.

No longer fascinating. Very bad. Very dangerous! They’d heard stories that quoted these lines, classic, even amusing. However, hearing them bellowed by an actual giant nearly stopped their heart. These words were so loud and so immediately panic-inducing, especially when accompanied by thundering footsteps.

I SMELL THE BLOOD OF THE-

There was a pause and maybe a stutter

DWARVEN KIND!

The trap door off center in the room burst open and a giant with a mane of black hair, a trimmed goatee, and a wizard’s hat, climbed out. He was smiling, snarling, showing off impressive fangs.

USELESS TO FLEE, USELESS TO FIGHT, FOR YOU WILL BE MY MEAL TONIGHT!

Eat them!? Oh No. Myran scrambled to their feet as the giant advanced.

Siv had gone catatonic, or nearly, and fled behind the mirror. But Myran just stood there. The next thing they knew, they were in the giant's fist… AND THEN IN ITS MOUTH! There was a brief moment where they thought the giant was going to bite them in half… but no. Worse than that, the giant fulfilled his promise to make a meal of Myran by swallowing them whole.

Never had Myran imagined themselves in this predicament. Witches, as far as they knew, were not prone to being eaten by giants! Giants ate thieves, slayers, adventurers! Though... giants were known to occasionally eat random people that happened to be rude to them as they went about their business.

Myran had not been rude! They just hadn’t had a chance to be polite! This giant had no business eating them.

Not that any of this was actually going through Myran’s mind. Oh no. Myran’s thoughts were preoccupied with panicking about their impending doom!

First, they tried to stop the giant from swallowing. But the teeth threatened to crunch their limbs if they dared to try and find purchase! So, failing that, they tried to slow their progress down his esophagus.

The problem was the walls were too damn slippery! They knew that their slow progress was merely due to the tight fit, as they couldn’t stretch out. The flesh was too tough.

Right before they started to worry about suffocating, they were deposited into a large chamber, sliding into a puddle of nasty smelling fluid. They took a regretful breath of the rancid air.

Yonah sighed as the dwarf left his throat and settled into his stomach. Small yet still filling.

He patted his stomach lightly. “A bit disappointing. Dwarves don’t taste nearly as good as most other smallfolk, but I’m not complaining.” His prey thrashed and yelled but didn’t seem to be coherent.

YEOWCH!

Something bit his hand and he waved it violently. Whatever it was released and smacked into the wall that the desk was up against, crumpled into a motionless pile. Curious and momentarily forgetting his snack, Yonah investigated.

A cat!? And still alive but unconscious. Why had a cat attacked him? Then he saw the abandoned broom next to his notebook. And his stomach twisted.

“You’re— not a thief!” Technically, he could eat anyone he wanted, he wasn’t restricted to adventurers. He was still figuring out what kind of villain he wanted to be. Such self exploration would take time, time the person he ate didn’t have.

“I’m a witch!” He heard them squeak.

“A witch? Invading the lair of a wizard? Are you stupid!” He poked at them. They didn’t like that.

“Let me out!!”

So Yonah spat them up, sooner than he would have liked to, and leaned over them with a frown and glowing eyes.

The moment the witch hit the desk, the cat woke up and was between him and the witch as it hissed.

The witch was shaking and coughing, glancing at him with wide fearful eyes.

“If you’re a witch then what the fuck were you doing in my tower?” Yonah demanded.

The witch was still in shock but recovered enough to speak. “I’m… Myran! I wanted to introduce myself!”

“A likely story! Why would anyone want to introduce themselves to me?” Yonah wasn’t really in the mood for conversation, but figured he could use the practice at evil banter.

“You’re… new to the forest” they coughed.

“What’s it to you?”

“I’m your neighbor!” they said,

Yonah narrowed his eyes, “The forest is constantly moving, no such thing as neighbors.”

“I figured I’d try to be friendly!” they continued as if he hadn’t replied. “Everyone was talking about the new mage in the tower, but no one had any definitive stories.”

Another mistake. The giant snarled.

“You are a fool then! I don’t want any friends!” He hesitated briefly as he said it, not sure of the truth, but recovered fast. “But I don’t want you spreading rumors about my mercy either…” he picked them back up. Gripping them hard and getting their right arm between his teeth. He didn’t bite their arm off, but broke the skin with a fang and pinched their hand. They yelled.

“Stop! Stop! I won’t tell! I won’t tell!”

He dropped them and they sat, crying, holding their bleeding arm and hand which was turning a plum purple.

“Good,” he hissed steam in their face, scalding the skin red as his eyes glowed bright orange. “Now get the fuck out before I eat you for real!” He flicked the broom at them. “And if you ever show your face around here again, I will.”

Finally, they listened to him. They got onto the broom along with their cat and with a burst of magic kicked into the air and fled out the window. Yonah watched until they disappeared, then sat down. His hair hadn’t been smoking before but it was now. Additionally, his eyes still glowed.

His first visitor in months wasn't an adventurer and he’d eaten them without a second thought! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!

Maybe this was his destiny. For years he’d trained himself to be restrained. Keep his anger in check, Keep his half giant identity a secret and become a wizard. But that had all gone to shit when he’d been discovered not as just a half giant, but as a half fire witch. Chased out of the academy but captured by the authorities of Orr.

Forced to sign a contract with King Ben to become his new pet monster! So why not be a monster!?

But he still wanted friends… his friends from the academy weren’t allowed to visit him. His tower of magic and wonder was so empty. He put his elbows on his desk and buried his face in his hands.

~chink~ his elbow brushed against something.

He looked down and saw a broken clay pot, the soup spilling out and a seedling now helpless and exposed on the desk.

Quickly yonah dipped his fingers into a pouch at his side and licked it, saying a spell. With a puff of smoke he stood on his desk, a mere 8ft tall, and he knelt down.

With his more appropriately sized hands he gathered the soil and with a wave of his hand and another mutter the pieces of the pot shook and flew back into their original places. The pot was… functionally repaired. The proper repair spell required materials to fuse the pieces properly. So it wouldn’t hold water, but it could hold soil.

As he scooped it back in, a piece of paper fell from the loose soil. Curious he dug it back out of the pot and cleaned it off enough to read:

“Welcome to the Mystical Woodlands new neighbor! This seedling is from my own garden. A special cultivation of Frozen Thyme.”

The moment he read it he was instantly planning where this would go in his garden. But… this gift. Did he deserve it? He’d eaten the one who brought it. He chased them away!

He couldn’t accept this gift but he couldn’t just let the seedling wither and die. It didn’t deserve that. And thus, his brain rationalized a way for him to keep the gift. So now what?

Yonah’s brain was too full of rage to do any proper work, so he decided to take it out on the garden, which was still in a state of construction. He’d already torn up old dead pieces of the overgrown mess left behind by the predecessor. Now he was digging spots for flower beds and what would hopefully be an orchard. There was even a designated spot for herbs.

The reason this was slow going was he refused to use magic. For the most part. Thankfully, being giant made digging and construction easier. Now that he had the thyme, he prioritized the herb beds. It was with a sour pride that he completed one as the sun started to go down.

A large wooden box that curved in a lovely arc close to the tower. The wood was specially imported from his The Blue Sky Mountain Giants Tribe in the Implausible Mountains, the smell of it reminding him of home. The frozen thyme seedling was given enough space to grow. He even gave it some friends that he knew would be compatible.

With his mind a little more at ease, he managed to get himself to sleep.

And awoke the next morning with an ache in his heart and a new plan in his brain.

For the first time since he arrived in this prison of a forest, he ventured beyond the boundaries of his clearing. Yonah knew he was allowed, a certain distance from his tower, to walk the forest. It had just seemed pointless. Not wanting to draw too much attention, he wore his gardening outfit: a pink plaid button up and light blue overalls. He had a straw hat that he recently wove to be a wizard hat, as well as his wizard staff. He couldn’t really leave that behind.

The trees in the forest were shorter than back home, but still very large. Thankfully he didn't have to duck so much to avoid branches. In his mind was a list of ingredients he needed to find. Foraging in the forest might seem like a fruitless endeavor, but when you have the keen nose of a giant, tracking down wildberries was a simple feat.

What a bounty! A huge patch of bramble with perfectly ripe berries. He didn’t need a giant’s amount and they would just get squashed if he tried to pick them at his normal size so once again he shrank down. He retrieved a basket from his hat and started to pick berries.

About ten minutes in, the bush began to shift! A section opened up and out ran a gnome with a garden spade. It smacked into his hand mid berry pick.

“Stop! Thief!”

SMACK SMACK!

Yonah was so startled he backed away and returned to his normal size, the basket of berries spilling over.

The gnome yelped. “Giant!” They dropped the spade. “Don’t eat me! Take berries! Don’t eat me or family!”

There was something satisfying about the gnome’s fear and Yonah grinned, “While you would make for a nice little snack,” he said, “I’m not in the mood for gnome today.”

The gnome shook and took up the spade again, pointing it at him as if that would help. From inside the bushes, Yonah heard rustling, and smelled more gnomes. This must cover their burrow.

“Put that away, or I might change my mind!” Yonah growled, showing his fangs. The gnome complied, tossing it aside.

“But you are also in luck. I am not interested in being a berry thief. I have more honor than that. If you would permit me to buy some of your berries, at a discount for me not making a meal of you and your family, I will leave you in peace”

The gnome gulped and nodded, “Am… sure we can make a deal.”

“Pick up the ones I already picked, will you?” Yonah ordered.

The gnome scrambled. “You will need more?”

Yonah nodded. The gnome whistled. And a troupe of younger gnomes carefully came out of the bramble.

“Kind giant has offered to buy some berries. Exchange for not eating us!”

The kids looked nervous and their fear didn’t spark the same kind of joy as the adults. But Yonah had a reputation to build! And he had to admit, it was still a bit fun.

He watched as the gnomes gathered berries until the basket was full and the adult gnome put it down in front of where Yonah had sat down. He picked it up and took off his hat, dropping it in and noticed the gnome’s eyes get wide. Storage space items were not uncommon, but storage hats were tools of professional mages, not common folk.

“That all?” the gnome asked.

Yonah stroked his beard thoughtfully, “Yes. I think so.” He reached into this hat. While he didn’t have a lot of money, Ben had supplied him with funds should he need them, and he had distributed the rings between his various pocket spaces. He got out a large wooden dowel upon which hung many metal rings. Small ones and large ones. With a pair of tweezers, yonah removed a few silver rings and one gold ring and put them into his palm, placing it up in front of the gnome.

Who did not take it.

“Do not insult me by refusing my payment,” Yonah insisted but the gnome did not move.

“More than we charge normally… You wanted discount: berries, a silver a pound!”

Yonah blinked. He still wasn’t good with smallfolk money. When purchasing as a giant, you purchased such large amounts it always cost at least a gold.

“Oh? Er-” he didn’t want to actually exploit these gnomes. “I'm not taking it back! Take the money Or I’ll eat you!” his voice faltered and the gnomes looked a little confused, and a little more relaxed.

“Leave us alone then, yes?” The gnome reached out a hand. Yonah nodded. The gnome finally took the money, giving each of the kids a silver ring. Any fear the kids had was gone as soon as they studied their rings and looked at Yonah with excitement. It was hard not to let the warmth in his heart at their expressions show on his own face.

“Actually!” Yonah announced as the gnomes started to back away into their burrow.

The adult stopped and looked nervous again. Yonah huffed. “I’m not going to eat you, I never was. I just have a question.”

The gnome ushered the kids away, not trusting Yonah, before turning back to the giant. “And if don’t have a good answer, you won’t eat… right?”

With a sigh Yonah shook his head, “No. I won't.”

“Then ask.”

Yonah took a breath, “I am... looking to get some ingredients. I… lashed out at someone recently and I very much regret it, and want to make some amends. I have giant ones back home but… giant sized ingredients do not taste as strong as small ones. Do you know where, or who, I might be able to look for?”

The gnome smiles, “Yes! Mystical Market. Sell our berries there. Open today, also gnome holiday.” They gave Yonah the instructions on how to find the market.

“Thank you- er…” Yonah put a hand to his chest and bowed.

“Kalle” said Kalle.

“Yonah,” said Yonah. The gnome bowed as well, “Don’t be flaunting riches, mysterious half giant. Marketeers take advantage”

Riches!? He did not have endless funds. He would have to be more careful with his spending.

“I am also looking for… Er... Shit!” he exclaimed and was glad the kids were no longer outside, “I don't know their name. Dwarf witch.”

Kalle considered, “Know them. Likes almond cookies. Sorry. Market easier find than people. That all?”

From their tone of voice, Yonah knew the gnome desperately wanted to get back to their family. It was a holiday after all. Yonah stood up and nodded, leaving without subjecting them to any more conversation.

Almond cookies? That changed things. He had only made almond cookies once! He needed a little more help. However, he did not backtrack to the tower. He knew that if he went back, he would lose motivation. Locating the market was his current task.

Unfortunately, it took some luck. According to the gnome, it was a special place that one happened to come across, just by wanting to be there. The more familiar you were with it, the better chance there was of that happening. Yonah really really wanted to be there. So he gathered his will and set off in a random direction.

After an hour of walking yonah felt a weird tingle all over his arms and legs. Like his hair was standing on end and all pointing in the same direction. Had he entered some magical field? No matter, he was fairly immune to passive magic.

Then he took another step and a jolt of magic electricity surged through his body, causing him to freeze up. Before he could collapse, he felt as if a giant hook had caught around his middle. There was no physical hook, but it still yanked him back, pulling in through the forest.

Eventually it stopped and finally Yonah fell over, breathing shallowly as his heart raced. He rolled onto his back and stared up into the trees.

“What’s the big idea!?” Someone kicked him in the side and he sat up. “You’re blocking the way!”

An elf!

Yonah frowned. “You’re so bold for someone I could crush with a finger!” To tease the elf, he poked them in the chest.

“YEOWCH!”

For the second time that day, Yonah got bitten. This time, it was the elf who sank their fangs into his finger, letting go before Yonah pulled away.

“Don’t get sassy with me! Messing with smallfolk isn’t allowed in the market, you'll be banned!”

Yonah looked around “The market?”

He had assumed it was the Mystical Market because it was in the Mystical Woodlands. But now he realized that the name was rather accurate. An entire marketplace incorporated into the forest itself. Stalls and restaurants built into the trees, with carts parked in between. The trees here were also… there was no other word for it: majestic. Larger and older and, compared to the forest he had been exploring before, more deliberate spacing. He couldn’t even see all of it. The forest stretched on for a while, and thus was obscured by the very trees that made up the shops.

There were even buildings in the branches so that ogres, trolls, and giants did not have to bend down to make transactions. He even spotted a few trolls. Amazing! Trolls (and ogres) were much more likely than giants to eat smallfolk. Giants mostly threatened unless the person in question did something really, really stupid.

And yet, there was a troll, large with brown fur and green spots, purchasing a roll of fabric from the elevated section of a gnome shop.

“Yes you idiot, the market! And my cart won't fit through any other path! Move your giant ass or I’ll get the guard to move it for you!”

His elation at having found the market was in conflict with his pride that was being so insulted by this little creature.

“Apologize for biting me, and I’ll consider it!”

The elf looked indignant. “You threatened to squash me! MAGEN!!” they yelled.

Thunderous footsteps were heard and Yonah turned as a proper, full blooded giant, made her way through the shoppers, somehow avoiding stepping on anyone. She was maybe 17, but full grown and taller than Yonah by at least ten feet. Her skin was a light greyish pink and her eyes were a dark red. She wore a lovely headpiece of woven flowers and vines to look like hair, which full giants do not have.

She knelt “This man bothering you?”

The elf nodded. Yonah threw his hands up, “Hey! I don’t mean any trouble!”

“He threatened to squash me!”

The giant glared at Yonah, who glared back.

“How largefolk deal with smalls outside of the market is their own business,” she said. “But inside the market we do not even threaten to squash, or kick, or stomp, or eat!”

“I did not intend to and I did not know I was in the market! I have never been before!” Yonah stood up so that he was not at such an extreme height disadvantage. Magen was a rather short mountain giant, only 35ft tall.

She nodded, “I can believe that.” She stood up. “I would have remembered you for sure.” She sniffed and said in implausible Giant: “You are from the blue sky tribe?”

“Yes! I am.” he answered, also in Giant. “I just moved to the forest. I was looking for the market but… I must have… hit something magic. I sort of fell into here”.

The elf took the opportunity to weave their cart around the giants’ feet, disappearing into the market.

“Ah, the seller seems to no longer push this issue. My name is Magen.” she introduced, bowing.

“Yonah HaEsh,” Yonah answered in return.

“HaEsh! I know the name. Fire man who helped save the Implausible Mountains from the Society of Wizards!”

“That’s my dad,” Yonah said, a little embarrassed.

“Mom told me the story! How exciting!”

Yonah brushed himself off and glanced around, “So... What are the rules here, then?”

Magen shrugged, “Just don’t start fights, alright? All sales are final, so don't go making a fuss if you haggled wrong or think you got cheated unless you believe your items are defective. There are ways to deal with fraudulent goods, but we cannot risk collateral damage.”

“Does that happen often?” Yonah asked, “I only mean to buy food, I can tell if that’s fresh”

“Oh, you have a giant’s nose then. Good. It does not happen often. Makes my job easier. And I usually manage to break up confrontations before they get out of hand.”

Knowing he could likely sniff out the stalls he needed, Yonah asked if Magen could show him around and help him find all the items on his list. She happily agreed. He had to walk behind her as there wasn’t room for two giants to be side by side.

As she carefully led him, she took glances back and down Yonah who was getting a little nervous. It had been a while since he encountered other giants. He was watching his feet to make sure he didn’t hurt anyone, and he was stopping constantly to look into the shops and stalls and carts.

“What is it like, being half giant?” Magen asked, who somehow managed to walk without looking at her feet very often at all. Maybe Yonah was being too careful and people here knew to stay out of the way of largefolk's feet… Still, he didn't want to take chances.

“Er… I have hair, I guess?” he said.

“I was wondering if that was natural or a wig.” Magen brushed the vines spilling from her head.

“But mostly, things were just a bit inconveniently large for me. I still managed.” Then he countered. “What’s it like being a guard in the market?”

“The shopkeepers pool money to have me stand around, mostly. Smallfolk behave when an angry giant is within earshot.” She grinned with all her fangs.

“I thought you said giants couldnt mess with smallfolk here?” Yonah inquired.

“You can’t. It’s my job to interfere,” Magen retorted. “I haven't hurt anyone… badly. I’ve only worked here for a year. But I know everyone and everyone knows me!”

They stopped at a stand selling nuts and Yonah purchased the almonds he needed. The seller seemed a bit disappointed that he bought so few.

“Shopping for someone small?” Magen asked.

“Er- yeah.” Yonah said. They both had to back between trees to let a trio of trolls go by. One was only 10 feet tall and barely came up to Yonah’s waist, but another was nearly 20 feet! They carried baskets and bags on their furry backs, and even had some tied to their tusks!

Before they continued, two elves leapt from the tree nearby and onto Yonah’s shoulders! He was about to brush them off when Magen stopped him.

“Don’t! They are just hitching rides!” At that, he spotted more elves on her head. “You need honey, yes? I know the best shop!”

He followed Magen around the market, which was much larger than he had realized. The elves had no qualms about leaping on and off him and other largefolk shoppers and eventually he ignored them. Magen even helped him avoid making a bad deal for oat flour, saying she couldn’t believe the nerve of the shopkeeper trying to take advantage of a new resident.

Before Yonah left, he wanted to properly thank Magen. “If there is anything I can do to show thanks. Perhaps er-” he looked around.

“You know, the juice stand behind that tree has new flavors I’ve wanted to try. How about you buy me a drink? You should get one too. It’s very refreshing!”

“They make them giant sized?” Yonah asked.

“Oh, they are made by ogres!” Magen replied, rounding the indicated tree.

Ogres, kin of trolls and even more dangerous due to their magical powers. Typically smaller than trolls, but that was not the way to tell them apart.

An entire family of ogres were operating a massive open storefront. Jugs hung from branches or were strapped to the trunks of trees and fruit swung in baskets. Behind the counter was an elaborate prep station operated by two large ogres. Around the entire display were platforms sticking out from the nearby trees. Smallfolk sat on stools enjoying drinks and food at an elevation that made it easy to be served by the ogres. Magen walked up to the counter, which was not at an ideal height for her but was easily manageable. She spoke to an ogre with straw colored fur, blue spots, and large horns.

“Edna! I’d like two passion fruit smoothies please! One giant sized and one…” She glanced back at Yonah. “Full Troll sized!” She stepped aside and pointed at Yonah. “He’s paying”

Edna nodded and passed on the order.

Yonah stepped forward. Bowing “Yonah HaEsh”. She bowed back, “Edna Baneclaw. That will be a gold bracelet for the giant and half for the full troll”

Yonah’s heart nearly stopped. A gold bracelet and a half !? He looked at Magen who flashed her fangs mischievously then back at Enda.

Edna smiled as well. “We don’t have enlarged passion fruit, not in high demand by largefolk.”

With another glare at Magen, Yonah fished into his hat. He didn’t have gold bracelets but he had rings. 10 silver to a gold. Rings to Rings. Bracelets to Bracelets… 10 gold rings to a silver bracelet… 10 silver bracelets to a gold ring. That’s 100 gold rings to a gold bracelet (he had really overpaid the gnomes for the berries... A holiday gift he supposed), but this was not money to spend on frivolous fruit drinks!

Too late, however. The drinks were ready, and he carefully removed golden rings from silver bracelets. 50 gold rings and 10 silver bracelets exchanged for two smoothies. They came in wooden cups with bamboo straws.

This better be fucking worth it. Yonah took a sip.

His eyes widened as the cool icy tart concoction hit his taste buds and he took a long drink. Finally, he looked at Magen and then Edna. “This is incredible!” he exclaimed. Magen grinned and sipped hers as well. “Yeah. Too bad we’re the last two to have some for at least a month!”

“What do you mean?”

“That took all the passion fruit we had,” Edna informed. “Won't get more for a while”

“Worth it! Suck it smallfolk!” Magen teased the people on the platforms, a few looked a bit annoyed, but most didn't seem to care. She didn't seem to care either.

“Well it was nice meeting you, Yonah. I hope to see you again. Oh, and by the way, you can return your mug to the ogres for a silver bracelet, even if you take it home today!”

Yonah glanced at his drink. “Oh! Thanks for letting me know. But where are you going?”

Magen sipped at her smoothie loudly before answering. “This was my break, silly, I need to go back on proper duty now, and you have all your things.” Magen held out her free hand and Yonah shook it, bidding her goodbye. It was getting late in the day now and he wanted to get to work on the almond cookies.

Wait… which way was back to the tower? How could he be so stupid wandering off like this!? His mom taught him better than that. Forest ranger rule number 1: DON’T GET LOST. ...okay, so that wasn’t really a rule. It was supposed to imply that you paid attention to where you were going so you could get back. This was not so easy in the Mystic Woods.

The moment he had walked far enough away from the market, he turned forward and then back, and it was already gone. He had nowhere to go but forward.

It was to his great surprise that only a minute later, he exited the dense trees and found himself in the clearing. The tower was on the opposite side. While he was elated to have made it back safely before dark, there was a distinct absence of any gladness to be home. This was not his home, after all. It was his prison.

Yonah HaEsh climbed up the tower and back into his prison. He took off his hat and sat down at his desk in the workshop, staring into the reflection on the large, ornate mirror that rested upon it.

To do this right, he needed help. Professional help. So he activated his mirror. Or at least… tried. He stared at his own reflection, then spoke. “Mirror Mirror on the desk,” he faltered, “Could you please connect me to Shoshana at the academy?”

The mirror snorted. “You think politeness will work after all this time? I don’t make exceptions. This is why your friends think you’ve forgotten about them! Put in the effort! Ask me properly or don't at all.”

“They’ve called me!!” Yonah insisted, but the mirror said nothing in response. Just like he would do when he got calls from his friends. Yonah growled and snorted back at the mirror, fogging it up. “Mirror Mirror, oh magical vanity, I wish to call Shoshana, at the wizard academy”

There was a whistle from the mirror. “Now that’s how you do it!” it praised. The fog cleared and for a brief moment, he saw his own face again before the reflective surface turned grey. Another moment and the face of his friend Shoshana emerged.

“Yonah!!!” she exclaimed. “You called! I cannot believe it!”

Yonah’s face turned a bit red. “I’ve… been distracted.”

Shoshana waved her hand, stopping any further excuses. “You’ve been through so much! I was worried! Since we graduated, you haven't called at all!”

/I never called before either... / Yonah thought. /It was always you.../ When Grand Master Sean reinstated him as a wizardling student, his friends would call regularly to work on homework and their theses, as he wasn’t allowed to actually attend the school in person. And while he attended the graduation…

That wasn’t a happy memory at all and he didn’t want to think about how he sat behind all the students in the amphitheater in magic chains looking more like a beast one of the adventuring tract students had wrangled for their final than a student.

“I need a recipe!” he said.

Shoshana raised her brows “That’s it!? First call in over a month, and it’s to get a recipe! You don’t want to catch up at all?!” Yonah’s eyes flickered and Shoshana backed off. “Alright, I can see you’re not in the mood. But please, we’re all missing you so much. We’d assumed you embraced the evil hermit wizard life.”

“I… haven’t meant to. But it’s surprisingly easy,” he admitted, grinning awkwardly. “I’d rather not go full hermit, of course.”

“Well, then dont go a month without calling your friends!” Shoshana chided. “Or make some new friends! The forest is full of interesting people, right?”

Yonah looked away, but his eyes were probably glowing orange now.

“This… is for that.”

“Oh!” Shoshana exclaimed, “I should have figured! Of course, I will give you whatever recipe you’d like.”

Yonah got out his ingredients to show Shoshana and explained what he wanted to bake. She nodded and made some suggestions for ingredients and spices to really make these cookies great. He did not have all the supplies she suggested, which led to some back-and-forth as Shoshana pointed out some substitutions for what Yonah bought or already had in his tower.

“Got that all down?” she asked, as she watched Yonah scribble out the final lines to the recipe.

“Yes!” Yonah exhaled in relief. “Thank you so much, Shosh!”

“Next time, we will catch up properly, but I had fun designing this recipe!” Shoshana chirped. “What a challenge. I wish you had called first, before just buying random ingredients.”

“I was already in the forest, Shosh.”

“I know, I know.” Shoshana blew Yonah a kiss and the mirror flickered back to his reflection.

It was time to bake! Which he did after shrinking down.

By the time he was done baking his jam print almond cookies, it was past midnight. He needed sleep and didn't think finding the witch at night was a particularly wise idea, especially since he was getting tired. That meant he was extra likely to be grumpy and irritable. So he placed the cookies in a special cooling rack to keep them magically fresh, then went to bed.

It was right after breakfast that Yonah HaEsh left the tower and, for the second time, entered the forest.

Once again, he had no direction, not that one could in the Mystic Woods. It wasn't even possible to have a map unless it was incredibly magical. Still, he was determined and willing to wander the forest for days if he must! But he’d do so at his full size, which would allow him to cover more ground.

That’s… That’s a witch’s hut! He hoped it was the correct one. It was more of a mound than a hut, with one side covered in rocks and moss and the other a more sheer side with windows, plus a flatter side with a door.

As he approached, a garden came into view and he heard a yelp before watching a small figure dart into the hut and close the curtains. The door opened briefly and a hand hung a sign that read “NO SOLICITORS”

That was the evil giant! Why was he here!? Why did the forest let him find the hut!? Was he here to eat them?! To finish the job!? Could they take on a giant fire witch?! Myran was a damn skilled witch, and at least 15 years the giant’s senior by their estimate, but they were quaking in their boots.

A knock sounded at their door. It didn’t sound forceful enough to be a giant. Siv was in front of them, hissing at the door. Thinking it better to be safe, they peeked out the window, then ran to open the door. Just a crack.

Red faced and holding a basket was… the giant. Only he wasn’t giant. Not exactly. He now stood at about twice Myran’s height. A little less actually. Right. Wizard. Giant wizard.

“May I come in?”

“Depends… what’s in the basket?” They narrowed their eyes. “I don’t want any nasty surprises.”

The wizard’s face got redder as he removed the cover. They opened the door and stood aside. They took the basket with their right hand… Yonah hesitated. Their arm had a massive scar from shoulder to elbow, but the hand was unbroken. The Dwarf noticed and gave him a hard look as he crouched low to get through the dwarf sized door, Siv still hissing at him in warning.

Myran put the basket on the kitchen table and motioned to the couch. “Please, sit.” Yonah did. The couch was small for him but it took his weight. “I’m going to be honest.” Myran leaned against the kitchen table and crossed their arms. “This is quite the unexpected visit.”

“Oh?” Yonah said. Of course, it made sense. He chased them out. Why would he then try to find them again?

“You bit me!” Myran reminded him harshly. “You broke my hand, and you said if you saw me again, you would eat me. Again. And kill me.”

/Ohhhh/

Yonah’s breath caught before managing to say. “I did… didn’t I?” He looked down at his feet.

Myran. sighed. “Yep. Though eating me at your current size would be an impressive feat. So... What the fuck are you doing here? Besides bringing me cookies to fatten me up.”

“I’m not-!” He looked back up to defend himself and saw their cheeky grin. “I didn’t come here to eat you…” They raised an eyebrow in sarcastic disbelief. “I want to apologize. For what I said… What I did. After I ate you. I was so angry. I still am, though mostly at myself. I shouldn't have hurt you. It wasn’t right.” He was almost crying. Dammit, he’d gone nearly a month without crying!

“And for eating me?”

“Huh?” Yonah was thoroughly confused.

“You’re sorry for what happened after you ate me, but what about eating me?”

Yonah bit his lip, “I’m… I’m not sorry about that.”

The witch raised both eyebrows now, genuinely curious as to the workings of this monster’s thoughts.

“I’m supposed to eat people! Especially those who enter my tower unannounced. It’s part of my job! And… And I like it!” He startled himself with that statement. He liked his job? He didn’t even want this job!! He was forcefully employed by the King under threat of death! Being evil had never been his plan and he didn’t want that. Did he?

The witch didn’t look completely satisfied with this answer. But they didn’t get to inquire further as Yonah’s curiosity got the better of him.

“Er- your hand…”

Myran smiled “It was rather mangled by your jaws yesterday. Luckily, I am a very good healer, and well-known in this forest. If you had killed me, you would have had a lot of angry forest residents after your head.” Myran began preparing a pot of tea as Yonah Processed that statement. “You’re a lucky giant aren’t you?”

“What?” Yonah voiced. “For not killing you and putting a target on my back?”

“Yes, exactly. And that was curious. It is rare that evil giants are merciful.”

Yonah looked away, “I’ve only been evil for a few months. I… you’re the third person I’ve eaten at all. And I dont… I haven’t yet… killed anyone.”

That surprised Myran. “I guess I do not know the frequency that giants normally encounter adventurers… but what I meant was you’re lucky that you even get to eat people. Most giants like the taste of smallfolk but they don't actually eat them. It’s rather rare.”

“You said it yourself. Evil Giants eat people,” Yonah pointed out. “Which I am one. I guess it’s… nice that I get to eat folks. But it comes with a cost… It’s only a matter of time before slayers come after me.”

“Most evil giants kill their victims, right?” Myran asked.

Yonah shrugged “I met another one once. Said it depended on his mood.”

“Fascinating… though if you keep up your more merciful streak, perhaps you are less likely to attract slayers?”

“Perhaps…” Yonah had not considered that. He just felt he wasn’t ready to kill anyone yet, but maybe there were other perks than just a clear conscience in continuing to let his snacks go.

“Cracked some sort of code then?” Myran inquired. “Getting to eat people without attracting too much attention? Not that this would stop all slayers,” they added. “I expect you would kill a slayer?”

Yonah nodded, sniffed, and wiped his nose. In that case… Guess he was lucky. Indeed, he’d gotten to taste plenty of smallfolk. Plenty of giants did. It was unique that he’d had his human dad while growing up. But all of the smallfolk in the village knew that when giants kissed their hands, the giants were getting little tastes. Sometimes giants would lick a friend playfully or freak someone out. He’d had a few elvish and human friends growing up, and they sometimes let him and the other giant kids lick them during games of Jacks and Giants. And his academy friends were quite amused by his affections. He very much missed them. It had not taken long for him to get used to living amongst human friends, not just because he got to taste them. And so quickly, that was taken away from him. Friends…

As tears welled in his eyes he couldn’t look at Myran any longer. He closed his eyes and turned his face away. Should he keep talking? Shit, how much of that had he said out loud!? The words continued to come out regardless.

“I know I said I didn’t want any friends. But I do! I need them. And I know I can’t be your friend. You came to me and I fucked it up. But I beseech you to not tell everyone else in the forest to avoid me. I already went to the mystical market and-“

“You… how did you find out that I liked almonds!”

Yonah looked up. They weren’t looking at him but reaching into the basket for another cookie. They munched on it thoughtfully, not a crumb falling into their beard. The tea was ready and Myran poured it with magic, leaving their hands free to hold more cookies. They walked over to Yonah, the tea cups floating with. He took the larger one out of mid air. It was very hot! And he drank. It was… It tasted like tea he’d had at home. His village had alway gotten various teas from the dwarves. New tears came to his eyes.

“You alright?” Myran asked, offering a handkerchief. “You’re a very emotional evil giant.”

Yonah took it and dried his eyes. “The tea is… really good.” That wasn’t the real reason but right now he couldn’t process all of his emotions.

“It’s my grandma’s blend,” Myran said. “I’ve tried to replicate it using my garden, but you just can’t replicate those tunnel grown fungi.”

They dipped one of the cookies into the tea. From their expression, it wasn’t really a mistake but likely didn’t improve the experience. Still they munched thoughtfully.

“I’ll be your friend.”

Yonah’s jaw nearly hit the floor and he almost dropped his tea. It was a few seconds before he managed to pick his jaw back up. Were they serious? They walked over to him, placing their much smaller hand over one of his. Then they smiled most disarmingly.

“Just don’t eat me again.”

Yonah smiled.

“I think I can manage that”

[FIN]

——

(You can imagine that Yonah got to hug Myran before he left, probably a little too tight but dwarves are tough!)

THANKS FOR READING! PLEASE REBLOG IF YOU ENJOYED MY STORY!

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[Thanks for reading! please reblog! Or message me telling me what you think! I crave feedback! For more mystic woods go to vore-scientist.tumblr.com/tagged/mystic+woods+story or search ‘mystic woods story’]

big thanks to my amazing editors @j0hnnymouse and @vixen525

[gt-adventures]

Like A Good Neighbor (sfw GT story!)

A tale of the Mystic Woods

Featuring the “Evil” Giant Wizard Yonah HaEsh and Myran the Dwarf Witch and many other fun characters!

A story about bad first impressions and the start of new friendships! Lots of GT, and a cute little adventure at a magical farmer’s market!

Warnings: intense fearplay and mild harm involving an intimidation tactic with biting (no loss of limbs!). Yonah is a Fee Fi Fo Fum kind of “Evil” giant but it’s all an act. He’s just very convincing. And in this story he is still new to his Evil job. Also casual mentions of man-eating monsters/giants (no scenes).

For more detailed warnings go to THIS POST

---

“Did you hear?”

“Have you been told?”

“A new resident!”

“I haven’t checked it out myself! But Ms Zukkar told me-”

“A wizard!”

“Didn’t there used to be an old sorcerer there?”

“-new guy’s a witch!”

“So, hear about that new giant!”

“A giant wouldn’t fit in that tower! And wizards is all human!”

“A criminal, on the run they say”

“Maybe a magician? They like towers sometimes!”

“His Majesty wouldn’t hire a criminal!”

“-supposed to be evil?”

There were so many rumors being flung around that the dwarf witch Myran Gamadin decided to see for themselves and set out to investigate. Undoubtedly there was a new resident. The story was that he was a Mage, and a criminal, but also just expelled from The Academy of Wizardry. And a giant? That was strange, the old tower was much too small for a giant! Even if it was magic it was only 10ft taller than your average giant in the first place. However… they did hear about the trial of a giant recently… stuff that happened in the civilized court didn’t really concern those in the Woods.

“Why would you go to see a villain? You’re not evil!”

The World’s Largest™ Maine Coon cat trotted alongside the handsome young dwarf, looking more like an oddly fluffy pony than a cat.

“It’s important to know your neighbors! Even the evil ones!”

Siv flicked his tail up into his witch’s face.

“And he’s got to be just a young man! So young and the expectations on evil mages is so high! He will appreciate a friendly face!” Myran had done the math. If this Mage hadn’t even graduated from The Academy, he was at most 23. Unless he started his education late. But they doubted this.

“Why are we walking! You have your broom!” the cat complained.

“That’s for the tower, Siv. It’s one of those designed by assholes who think it’s clever to have the only entrance be the window at the top.”

“Hrfff,” said Siv.

“Do you think he will appreciate the house-warming gift? I didn’t really spend much time on it…”

“Fresh fish would be better.”

“Maybe if he were a cat. This is for a Mage.”

“Clippings of magical plants? Maybe for another witch. This is someone who was studying Wizardry.”

“Wizards use magical plants too!”

“Yeah, they buy them from witches!”

As the pair stepped out of the trees, they froze.

“I think he’ll like the gift,” Siv admitted as he And Myran stood in awe at the largest magical garden either of them had ever seen.

It wasn’t even finished yet! Plots of earth were freshly turned, and piles of wood, half built into beds that lay in patterns across the clearing. And massively spread apart. At least 3 meters between plots. And the finished ones. Well. They already had some amazing specimens. Even if they were just sprouting. Myran noticed the Twisted WyrmFern and harpy’s breath; delicate, but common magical plants that were being used to test out the soil. It was working great.

The garden did make Myran worry a bit.

Maybe this wasn’t a wizard at all! It could be a witch. And he could be very evil indeed. Even evil witches treated their gardens with the utmost care and attention.

But they had come this far. And the tower that looked over the garden was calling to them. Well. Not really. The green-black thorny vines screamed “STAY AWAY!” But when one had a flying broomstick, one didn’t need to heed such warnings.

Flipping their broom around like a baton, they sat side saddle and Siv hopped on the end, somehow managing to balance his prodigious fluff. They took off. And flew into the window.

“WOAAAHHH!”

It was like hitting an unexpected and large wave on a boogie board, but a magical one that flowed through the body! And Myran had never been to the ocean, so it made their brain swim.

The room, which from the outside looked normal, was anything but. The rumors of this being a giant were not just rumors.

This place was HUGE!

And yet, it was much too small.

Growing up, Myran had visited some giant villages with their family. They hadn’t been THAT much smaller then, but the houses and items in the village were definitely much larger. While giant mages certainly existed, they had their own traditions and made their own supplies.

This looked exactly like the workshop for a young wizard, with additions for the wizard being a giant. It was wild to see some of the common arcane tools at such an immense scale.

Flying over, Myran saw that the resident Mage had an ancient book under a magnifying glass, and had been translating it, with notes and commentary. Spell equations and diagrams were additionally copied in a dedicated smaller notebook.

While it was surely a fascinating read, they could tell at a glance the notes were somewhere in the middle of an involved spell, and they didn’t want to be the reason the Mage lost his place. The workbench had plenty of other diverting materials.

Siv had no interest in such things and curled up against the base of the magnifying glass. The sun hit the metal through the window, making it quite warm.

Myran put their broom down and explored the desk. There were several magical tombs! Rare ones! They flipped through and saw fresh handwritten notes tucked inside. Smart, this mage did not want to tarnish the original pages. There was also an open notebook and a few spell components laid out.

They stepped carefully back onto the notebook to get a better idea of what this wizard was up to. The notebook was written in giant, which Myran wasn’t fluent in but got the gist of. So this was indeed a giant wizard. Fascinating.

That’s what they were thinking until...

FEE FI FO FUM!

Myran nearly jumped out of their boots.

No longer fascinating. Very bad. Very dangerous! They’d heard stories that quoted these lines, classic, even amusing. However, hearing them bellowed by an actual giant nearly stopped their heart. These words were so loud and so immediately panic-inducing, especially when accompanied by thundering footsteps.

I SMELL THE BLOOD OF THE-

There was a pause and maybe a stutter

DWARVEN KIND!

The trap door off center in the room burst open and a giant with a mane of black hair, a trimmed goatee, and a wizard’s hat, climbed out. He was smiling, snarling, showing off impressive fangs.

USELESS TO FLEE, USELESS TO FIGHT, FOR YOU WILL BE MY MEAL TONIGHT!

Eat them!? Oh No. Myran scrambled to their feet as the giant advanced.

Siv had gone catatonic, or nearly, and fled behind the mirror. But Myran just stood there. The next thing they knew they were in the giant's fist.

Never had Myran imagined themselves in this predicament. Witches, as far as they knew, were not prone to being eaten by giants! Giants ate thieves, slayers, adventurers! Though... giants were known to occasionally eat random people that happened to be especially rude to them as they went about their business.

Myran had not been rude! They just hadn’t had a chance to be polite! This giant had no business eating them.

Not that any of this was actually going through Myran’s mind. Oh no. Myran’s thoughts were preoccupied with panicking about their impending doom!

They tried to get themselves free of the giant’s grip but like the giant said, it was useless to fight. Then the giant LICKED THEM IN THE FACE. Ugh it was so gross!! They sputtered.

Yonah sighed and pulled the dwarf away from his face just a bit. “It is rather disappointing, dwarves don’t taste nearly as good as most other smallfolk, but I’m not complaining”

He briefly loosened his grip and Myran took their chance to get an arm free. Big mistake. The giant hissed and caught the arm between his fangs!

YEOWCH!

Their arm was free but the giant still held them. Myran was barely paying attention, for the screams of the giant rattling their brain and the giants grip had intensified making it hard to breath.

Something bit his other hand and he waved it violently. Whatever it was released and smacked into the wall that the desk was up against. And crumpled into a motionless pile. Curious and momentarily forgetting his foe he investigated.

A cat!? And still alive but unconscious. Why had a cat attacked him? Then he saw the abandoned broom next to his notebook. And his stomach twisted.

“You’re— not a thief!” Technically he was a villain to anyone, he wasn’t restricted to adventurers. He was still figuring out what kind of villain he wanted to be. But now was not really the time for self exploration.

“I’m a witch!” He heard them squeak.

“A witch? Invading the lair of a wizard? Are you stupid!” He poked at their face. They didn’t like that.

“Let me go!”

The witch was shaking and wheezing, glancing at him with wide fearful eyes. Yonah loosened his grip to allow them to breathe properly.

“If you’re a witch then what the fuck were you doing in my tower?” Yonah demanded.

The witch was still in shock but recovered enough to speak. “I’m… Myran! I wanted to introduce myself!”

“A likely story! Why would anyone want to introduce themselves to me?” Yonah wasn’t really in the mood for conversation, but figured he could use the practice at evil banter.

“You’re… new to the forest” they coughed.

“What’s it to you?”

“I’m your neighbor!” they said,

Yonah narrowed his eyes, “The forest is constantly moving, no such thing as neighbors.”

“I figured I’d try to be friendly!” they continued as if he hadn’t replied. “Everyone was talking about the new mage in the tower, but no one had any definitive stories.”

Another mistake. The giant snarled.

“You are a fool then! I don’t want any friends!” He hesitated briefly as he said it, not sure of the truth, but recovered fast. “But I don’t want you spreading rumors about my mercy either…” he picked them back up. Gripping them hard and getting their right arm between his teeth. He didn’t bite their arm off, but broke the skin with a fang and pinched their hand. They yelled.

“Stop! Stop! I won't tell! I won’t tell!”

He dropped them and they sat, crying, holding their bleeding arm and hand which was turning a plum purple. The cat instantly got up and ran to his witch. Alternating between purring and hissing.

“Good” he hissed steam in their face, scalding the skin red, as his eyes glowed a bright orange. “Now get the fuck out before I decide to actually eat youl!” He flicked the broom at them “And if you ever show your face around here again, I will”

Finally, they listened to him. They got onto the broom along with their cat and with a burst of magic kicked into the air and fled out the window. Yonah watched until they disappeared, then sat down. His hair hadn’t been smoking before but it was now. Additionally, his eyes still glowed.

His first visitor in months wasn't an adventurer and he’d traumatized them without a second thought! Stupid stupid! Stupid!

Maybe this was his destiny. For years he’d trained himself to be restrained. Keep his anger in check, Keep his half giant identity a secret and become a wizard. But that had all gone to shit when he’d been discovered not as just a half giant but as a half fire witch. Chased out of the academy but captured by the authorities of Orr.

Forced to sign a contract with King Ben to become his new pet monster! So why not be a monster!?

But he still wanted friends… his friends from the academy weren’t allowed to visit him. His tower of magic and wonder was so empty. He put his elbows on his desk and buried his face in his hands.

~chink~ his elbow brushed against something.

He looked down and saw a broken clay pot, the soup spilling out and a seedling now helpless and exposed on the desk.

Quickly yonah dipped his fingers into a pouch at his side and licked off the powdered fungus before saying a spell. With a puff of smoke he stood on his desk, a mere 8ft tall, and he knelt down.

With his more appropriately sized hands he gathered the soil and with a wave of his hand and another mutter the pieces of the pot shook and flew back into their original places. The pot was… functionally repaired. The proper repair spell required materials to fuse the pieces properly. So it wouldn’t hold water but it could hold soil.

As he scooped it back in a piece of paper fell from the loose soil. Curious he dug it back out of the pot and cleaned it off enough to read:

“Welcome to the Mystical Woodlands new neighbor! This seedling is from my own garden. A special cultivation of Frozen Thyme.”

The moment he read it he was instantly planning where this would go in his garden. But… this gift. Did he deserve it? He’d terrorized the one who brought it. He chased them away!

With a thump he sat on his desk, looking around him, trying to imagine what this experience had been from the witch’s perspective. Tried to imagine what it would be like to have a snarling giant loom over you and snatch you up, when all you wanted to do was say hello...

He couldn’t accept this gift but he couldn’t just let the seedling wither and die. It didn’t deserve that. And thus, his brain rationalized a way for him to keep the gift. So now what?

Yonah’s brain was too full of rage to do any proper work, so he decided to take it out on the garden, which was still in a state of construction. He’d already torn up old dead pieces of the overgrown mess left behind by the predecessor. Now he was digging spots for flower beds and what would hopefully be an orchard. There was even a designated spot for herbs.

The reason this was slow going was he refused to use magic. For the most part. Thankfully, being giant made digging and construction easier. Now that he had the thyme, he prioritized the herb beds.  It was with a sour pride that he completed one as the sun started to go down.

A large wooden box that curved in a lovely arc close to the tower. The wood was specially imported from his The Blue Sky Mountain Giants Tribe in the Implausible Mountains, the smell of it reminding him of home. The frozen thyme seedling was given enough space to grow. He even gave it some friends that he knew would be compatible.

With his mind a little more at ease, he managed to get himself to sleep.

And awoke the next morning with an ache in his heart and a new plan in his brain.

For the first time since he arrived in this prison of a forest, he ventured beyond the boundaries of his clearing. Yonah knew he was allowed, a certain distance from his tower, to walk the forest. It had just seemed pointless. Not wanting to draw too much attention, he wore his gardening outfit: a pink plaid button up and light blue overalls. He had a straw hat that he recently wove to be a wizard hat, as well as his wizard staff. He couldn’t really leave that behind.

The trees in the forest were shorter than back home, but still very large. Thankfully he didn't have to duck so much to avoid branches. In his mind was a list of ingredients he needed to find. Foraging in the forest might seem like a fruitless endeavor, but when you have the keen nose of a giant, tracking down wildberries was a simple feat.

What a bounty! A huge patch of bramble with perfectly ripe berries. He didn’t need a giant’s amount and they would just get squashed if he tried to pick them at his normal size so once again he shrank down. He retrieved a basket from his hat and started to pick berries.

About ten minutes in, the bush began to shift! A section opened up and out ran a gnome with a garden spade. It smacked into his hand mid berry pick.

“Stop! Thief!”

SMACK SMACK!

Yonah was so startled he backed away and returned to his normal size, the basket of berries spilling over.

The gnome yelped.  “Giant!” They dropped the spade. “Don’t eat me! Take berries! Don’t eat me or family!”

There was something satisfying about the gnome’s fear and Yonah grinned, “While you would make for a nice little snack,” he said, “I’m not in the mood for gnome today.”

The gnome shook and took up the spade again, pointing it at him as if that would help. From inside the bushes, Yonah heard rustling, and smelled more gnomes. This must cover their burrow.

“Put that away, or I might change my mind!” Yonah growled, showing his fangs. The gnome complied, tossing it aside.

“But you are also in luck. I am not interested in being a berry thief. I have more honor than that. If you would permit me to buy some of your berries, at a discount for me not making a meal of you and your family, I will leave you in peace”

The gnome gulped and nodded, “Am… sure we can make a deal.”

“Pick up the ones I already picked, will you?” Yonah ordered.

The gnome scrambled. “You will need more?”

Yonah nodded. The gnome whistled. And a troupe of younger gnomes carefully came out of the bramble.

“Kind giant has offered to buy some berries. Exchange for not eating us!”

The kids looked nervous and their fear didn’t spark the same kind of joy as the adults. But Yonah had a reputation to build! And he had to admit, it was still a bit fun.

He watched as the gnomes gathered berries until the basket was full and the adult gnome put it down in front of where Yonah had sat down. He picked it up and took off his hat, dropping it in and noticed the gnome’s eyes get wide. Storage space items were not uncommon, but storage hats were tools of professional mages, not common folk.

“That all?” the gnome asked.

Yonah stroked his beard thoughtfully, “Yes. I think so.” He reached into this hat. While he didn’t have a lot of money, Ben had supplied him with funds should he need them, and he had distributed the rings between his various pocket spaces. He got out a large wooden dowel upon which hung many metal rings. Small ones and large ones. With a pair of tweezers, yonah removed a few silver rings and one gold ring and put them into his palm, placing it up in front of the gnome.

Who did not take it.

“Do not insult me by refusing my payment,” Yonah insisted but the gnome did not move.

“More than we charge normally… You wanted discount: berries, a silver a pound!”

Yonah blinked. He still wasn’t good with smallfolk money. When purchasing as a giant, you purchased such large amounts it always cost at least a gold.

“Oh? Er-” he didn’t want to actually exploit these gnomes. “I'm not taking it back! Take the money Or I’ll eat you!” his voice faltered and the gnomes looked a little confused, and a little more relaxed.

“Leave us alone then, yes?” The gnome reached out a hand. Yonah nodded. The gnome finally took the money, giving each of the kids a silver ring. Any fear the kids had was gone as soon as they studied their rings and looked at Yonah with excitement. It was hard not to let the warmth in his heart at their expressions show on his own face.

“Actually!” Yonah announced as the gnomes started to back away into their burrow.

The adult stopped and looked nervous again. Yonah huffed. “I’m not going to eat you, I never was. I just have a question.”

The gnome ushered the kids away, not trusting Yonah, before turning back to the giant. “And if don’t have a good answer, you won’t eat… right?”

With a sigh Yonah shook his head, “No. I won't.”

“Then ask.”

Yonah took a breath, “I am... looking to get some ingredients. I… lashed out at someone recently and I very much regret it, and want to make some amends. I have giant ones back home but… giant sized ingredients do not taste as strong as small ones. Do you know where, or who, I might be able to look for?”

The gnome smiles, “Yes! Mystical Market. Sell our berries there. Open today, also gnome holiday.” They gave Yonah the instructions on how to find the market.

“Thank you- er…” Yonah put a hand to his chest and bowed.

“Kalle” said Kalle.

“Yonah,” said Yonah. The gnome bowed as well, “Don’t be flaunting riches, mysterious half giant. Marketeers take advantage”

Riches!? He did not have endless funds. He would have to be more careful with his spending.

“I am also looking for… Er... Shit!” he exclaimed and was glad the kids were no longer outside, “I don't know their name. Dwarf witch.”

Kalle considered, “Know them. Likes almond cookies. Sorry. Market easier find than people. That all?”

From their tone of voice, Yonah knew the gnome desperately wanted to get back to their family. It was a holiday after all. Yonah stood up and nodded, leaving without subjecting them to any more conversation.

Almond cookies? That changed things. He had only made almond cookies once! He needed a little more help. However, he did not backtrack to the tower. He knew that if he went back, he would lose motivation. Locating the market was his current task.

Unfortunately, it took some luck. According to the gnome, it was a special place that one happened to come across, just by wanting to be there. The more familiar you were with it, the better chance there was of that happening. Yonah really really wanted to be there. So he gathered his will and set off in a random direction.

After an hour of walking yonah felt a weird tingle all over his arms and legs. Like his hair was standing on end and all pointing in the same direction. Had he entered some magical field? No matter, he was fairly immune to passive magic.

Then he took another step and a jolt of magic electricity surged through his body, causing him to freeze up. Before he could collapse, he felt as if a giant hook had caught around his middle. There was no physical hook, but it still yanked him back, pulling in through the forest.

Eventually it stopped and finally Yonah fell over, breathing shallowly as his heart raced. He rolled onto his back and stared up into the trees.

“What’s the big idea!?” Someone kicked him in the side and he sat up. “You’re blocking the way!”

An elf!

Yonah frowned. “You’re so bold for someone I could crush with a finger!” To tease the elf, he poked them in the chest.

“YEOWCH!”

For the second time that day, Yonah got bitten. This time, it was the elf who sank their fangs into his finger, letting go before Yonah pulled away.

“Don’t get sassy with me! Messing with smallfolk isn’t allowed in the market, you'll be banned!”

Yonah looked around “The market?”

He had assumed it was the Mystical Market because it was in the Mystical Woodlands. But now he realized that the name was rather accurate. An entire marketplace incorporated into the forest itself. Stalls and restaurants built into the trees, with carts parked in between.  The trees here were also… there was no other word for it: majestic. Larger and older and, compared to the forest he had been exploring before, more deliberate spacing. He couldn’t even see all of it. The forest stretched on for a while, and thus was obscured by the very trees that made up the shops.

There were even buildings in the branches so that ogres, trolls, and giants did not have to bend down to make transactions. He even spotted a few trolls. Amazing! Trolls (and ogres) were much more likely than giants to eat smallfolk. Giants mostly threatened unless the person in question did something really, really stupid.

And yet, there was a troll, large with brown fur and green spots, purchasing a roll of fabric from the elevated section of a gnome shop.

“Yes you idiot, the market! And my cart won't fit through any other path! Move your giant ass or I’ll get the guard to move it for you!”

His elation at having found the market was in conflict with his pride that was being so insulted by this little creature.

“Apologize for biting me, and I’ll consider it!”

The elf looked indignant, “You threatened to squash me! MAGEN!!” they yelled.

Thunderous footsteps were heard and Yonah turned as a proper, full blooded giant, made her way through the shoppers, somehow avoiding stepping on anyone. She was maybe 17, but full grown and taller than Yonah by at least ten feet. Her skin was a light greyish pink and her eyes were a dark red. She wore a lovely headpiece of woven flowers and vines to look like hair, which full giants do not have.

She knelt “This man bothering you?”

The elf nodded. Yonah threw his hands up, “Hey! I don’t mean any trouble!”

“He threatened to squash me!”

The giant glared at, Yonah who glared back.

“How large folk deal with smalls outside of the market is their own business,” she said. “But inside the market we do not even threaten to squash, or kick, or stomp, or eat!”

“I did not intend to and I did not know I was in the market! I have never been before!” Yonah stood up so that he was not at such an extreme height disadvantage. Magen was a rather short mountain giant, only 35ft tall.

She nodded, “I can believe that.” She stood up. “I would have remembered you for sure.” She sniffed and said in implausible Giant: “You are from the blue sky tribe?”

“Yes! I am.” he answered, also in Giant. “I just moved to the forest. I was looking for the market but… I must have… hit something magic. I sort of fell into here”.

The elf took the opportunity to weave their cart around the giants’ feet, disappearing into the market.

“Ah, the seller seems to no longer push this issue. My name is Magen.” she introduced, bowing.

“Yonah HaEsh,” Yonah answered in return.

“HaEsh! I know the name. Fire man who helped save the Implausible Mountains from the Society of Wizards!”

“That’s my dad,” Yonah said, a little embarrassed.

“Mom told me the story! How exciting!”

Yonah brushed himself off and glanced around, “So... What are the rules here, then?”

Magen shrugged, “Just don’t start fights, alright? All sales are final, so don't go making a fuss if you haggled wrong or think you got cheated unless you believe your items are defective. There are ways to deal with fraudulent goods, but we cannot risk collateral damage.”

“Does that happen often?” Yonah asked, “I only mean to buy food, I can tell if that’s fresh”

“Oh, you have a giant’s nose then. Good. It does not happen often. Makes my job easier. And I usually manage to break up confrontations before they get out of hand.”

Knowing he could likely sniff out the stalls he needed, Yonah asked if Magen could show him around and help him find all the items on his list. She happily agreed. He had to walk behind her as there wasn’t room for two giants to be side by side.

As she carefully led him, she took glances back and down Yonah who was getting a little nervous. It had been a while since he encountered other giants. He was watching his feet to make sure he didn’t hurt anyone, and he was stopping constantly to look into the shops and stalls and carts.

“What is it like, being half giant?” Magen asked, who somehow managed to walk without looking at her feet very often at all. Maybe Yonah was being too careful and people here knew to stay out of the way of large folk's feet… Still, he didn't want to take chances.

“Er… I have hair, I guess?” he said.

“I was wondering if that was natural or a wig.” Magen brushed the vines spilling from her head.

“But mostly, things were just a bit inconveniently large for me. I still managed.” Then he countered. “What’s it like being a guard in the market?”

“The shopkeepers pool money to have me stand around, mostly. Smallfolk behave when an angry giant is within earshot.” She grinned with all her fangs.

“I thought you said giants couldnt mess with smallfolk here?” Yonah inquired.

“You can’t. It’s my job to interfere,” Magen retorted. “I haven't hurt anyone… badly. I’ve only worked here for a year. But I know everyone and everyone knows me!”

They stopped at a stand selling nuts and Yonah purchased the almonds he needed. The seller seemed a bit disappointed that he bought so few.

“Shopping for someone small?” Magen asked.

“Er- yeah.” Yonah said. They both had to back between trees to let a trio of trolls go by. One was only 10 feet tall and barely came up to Yonah’s waist, but another was nearly 20 feet! They carried baskets and bags on their furry backs, and even had some tied to their tusks!

Before they continued, two elves leapt from the tree nearby and onto Yonah’s shoulders! He was about to brush them off when Magen stopped him.

“Don’t! They are just hitching rides!” At that, he spotted more elves on her head. “You need honey, yes? I know the best shop!”

He followed Magen around the market, which was much larger than he had realized. The elves had no qualms about leaping on and off him and other largefolk shoppers and eventually he ignored them. Magen even helped him avoid making a bad deal for oat flour, saying she couldn’t believe the nerve of the shopkeeper trying to take advantage of a new resident.

Before Yonah left, he wanted to properly thank Magen. “If there is anything I can do to show thanks. Perhaps er-” he looked around.

“You know, the juice stand behind that tree has new flavors I’ve wanted to try. How about you buy me a drink? You should get one too. It’s very refreshing!”

“They make them giant sized?” Yonah asked.

“Oh, they are made by ogres!” Magen replied, rounding the indicated tree.

Ogres, kin of trolls and even more dangerous due to their magical powers. Typically smaller than trolls, but that was not the way to tell them apart.

An entire family of ogres were operating a massive open storefront. Jugs hung from branches or were strapped to the trunks of trees and fruit swung in baskets. Behind the counter was an elaborate prep station operated by two large ogres. Around the entire display were platforms sticking out from the nearby trees. Smallfolk sat on stools enjoying drinks and food at an elevation that made it easy to be served by the ogres. Magen walked up to the counter, which was not at an ideal height for her but was easily manageable. She spoke to an ogre with straw colored fur, blue spots, and large horns.

“Edna! I’d like two passion fruit smoothies please! One giant sized and one…” She glanced back at Yonah. “Full Troll sized!” She stepped aside and pointed at Yonah. “He’s paying”

Edna nodded and passed on the order.

Yonah stepped forward. Bowing “Yonah HaEsh”. She bowed back, “Edna Baneclaw. That will be a gold bracelet for the giant and half for the full troll”

Yonah’s heart nearly stopped. A gold bracelet and a half !? He looked at Magen who flashed her fangs mischievously then back at Enda.

Edna smiled as well. “We don’t have enlarged passion fruit, not in high demand by largefolk.”

With another glare at Magen, Yonah fished into his hat. He didn’t have gold bracelets but he had rings. 10 silver to a gold. Rings to Rings. Bracelets to Bracelets… 10 gold rings to a silver bracelet… 10 silver bracelets to a gold ring. That’s 100 gold rings to a gold bracelet (he had really overpaid the gnomes for the berries... A holiday gift he supposed), but this was not money to spend on frivolous fruit drinks!

Too late, however. The drinks were ready, and he carefully removed golden rings from silver bracelets. 50 gold rings and 10 silver bracelets exchanged for two smoothies. They came in wooden cups with bamboo straws.

This better be fucking worth it. Yonah took a sip.

His eyes widened as the cool icy tart concoction hit his taste buds and he took a long drink. Finally, he looked at Magen and then Edna. “This is incredible!” he exclaimed. Magen grinned and sipped hers as well. “Yeah. Too bad we’re the last two to have some for at least a month!”

“What do you mean?”

“That took all the passion fruit we had,” Edna informed. “Won't get more for a while”

“Worth it! Suck it smallfolk!” Magen teased the people on the platforms, a few looked a bit annoyed, but most didn't seem to care. She didn't seem to care either.

“Well it was nice meeting you, Yonah. I hope to see you again. Oh, and by the way, you can return your mug to the ogres for a silver bracelet, even if you take it home today!”

Yonah glanced at his drink. “Oh! Thanks for letting me know. But where are you going?”

Magen sipped at her smoothie loudly before answering. “This was my break, silly, I need to go back on proper duty now, and you have all your things.” Magen held out her free hand and Yonah shook it, bidding her goodbye. It was getting late in the day now and he wanted to get to work on the almond cookies.

Wait… which way was back to the tower? How could he be so stupid wandering off like this!? His mom taught him better than that. Forest ranger rule number 1: DON’T GET LOST. ...okay, so that wasn’t really a rule. It was supposed to imply that you paid attention to where you were going so you could get back. This was not so easy in the Mystic Woods.

The moment he had walked far enough away from the market, he turned forward and then back, and it was already gone. He had nowhere to go but forward.

It was to his great surprise that only a minute later, he exited the dense trees and found himself in the clearing. The tower was on the opposite side. While he was elated to have made it back safely before dark, there was a distinct absence of any gladness to be home. This was not his home, after all. It was his prison.

Yonah HaEsh climbed up the tower and back into his prison. He took off his hat and sat down at his desk in the workshop, staring into the reflection on the large, ornate mirror that rested upon it.

To do this right, he needed help. Professional help. So he activated his mirror. Or at least… tried. He stared at his own reflection, then spoke. “Mirror Mirror on the desk,” he faltered, “Could you please connect me to Shoshana at the academy?”

The mirror snorted. “You think politeness will work after all this time? I don’t make exceptions. This is why your friends think you’ve forgotten about them! Put in the effort! Ask me properly or don't at all.”

“They’ve called me!!” Yonah insisted, but the mirror said nothing in response. Just like he would do when he got calls from his friends. Yonah growled and snorted back at the mirror, fogging it up. “Mirror Mirror, oh magical vanity, I wish to call Shoshana, at the wizard academy”

There was a whistle from the mirror. “Now that’s how you do it!” it praised. The fog cleared and for a brief moment, he saw his own face again before the reflective surface turned grey. Another moment and the face of his friend Shoshana emerged.

“Yonah!!!” she exclaimed. “You called! I cannot believe it!”

Yonah’s face turned a bit red. “I’ve… been distracted.”

Shoshana waved her hand, stopping any further excuses. “You’ve been through so much! I was worried! Since we graduated, you haven't called at all!”

/I never called before either... / Yonah thought. /It was always you.../ When Grand Master Sean reinstated him as a wizardling student, his friends would call regularly to work on homework and their theses, as he wasn’t allowed to actually attend the school in person. And while he attended the graduation…

That wasn’t a happy memory at all and he didn’t want to think about how he sat behind all the students in the amphitheater in magic chains looking more like a beast one of the adventuring tract students had wrangled for their final than a student.

“I need a recipe!” he said.

Shoshana raised her brows “That’s it!? First call in over a month, and it’s to get a recipe! You don’t want to catch up at all?!” Yonah’s eyes flickered and Shoshana backed off. “Alright, I can see you’re not in the mood. But please, we’re all missing you so much. We’d assumed you embraced the evil hermit wizard life.”

“I… haven’t meant to. But it’s surprisingly easy,” he admitted, grinning awkwardly. “I’d rather not go full hermit, of course.”

“Well, then dont go a month without calling your friends!” Shoshana chided. “Or make some new friends! The forest is full of interesting people, right?”

Yonah looked away, but his eyes were probably glowing orange now.

“This… is for that.”

“Oh!” Shoshana exclaimed, “I should have figured! Of course, I will give you whatever recipe you’d like.”

Yonah got out his ingredients to show Shoshana and explained what he wanted to bake. She nodded and made some suggestions for ingredients and spices to really make these cookies great. He did not have all the supplies she suggested, which led to some back-and-forth as Shoshana pointed out some substitutions for what Yonah bought or already had in his tower.

“Got that all down?” she asked, as she watched Yonah scribble out the final lines to the recipe.

“Yes!” Yonah exhaled in relief. “Thank you so much, Shosh!”

“Next time, we will catch up properly, but I had fun designing this recipe!” Shoshana chirped. “What a challenge. I wish you had called first, before just buying random ingredients.”

“I was already in the forest, Shosh.”

“I know, I know.” Shoshana blew Yonah a kiss and the mirror flickered back to his reflection.

It was time to bake! Which he did after shrinking down.

By the time he was done baking his jam print almond cookies, it was past midnight. He needed sleep and didn't think finding the witch at night was a particularly wise idea, especially since he was getting tired. That meant he was extra likely to be grumpy and irritable. So he placed the cookies in a special cooling rack to keep them magically fresh, then went to bed.

It was right after breakfast that Yonah HaEsh left the tower and, for the second time, entered the forest.

Once again, he had no direction, not that one could in the Mystic Woods. It wasn't even possible to have a map unless it was incredibly magical. Still, he was determined and willing to wander the forest for days if he must! But he’d do so at his full size, which would allow him to cover more ground.

That’s… That’s a witch’s hut! He hoped it was the correct one. It was more of a mound than a hut, with one side covered in rocks and moss and the other a more sheer side with windows, plus a flatter side with a door.

As he approached, a garden came into view and he heard a yelp before watching a small figure dart into the hut and close the curtains. The door opened briefly and a hand hung a sign that read “NO SOLICITORS”

That was the evil giant! Why was he here!? Why did the forest let him find the hut!? Was he here to eat them?! To finish the job!? Could they take on a giant fire witch?! Myran was a damn skilled witch, and at least 15 years the giant’s senior by their estimate, but they were quaking in their boots.

A knock sounded at their door. It didn’t sound forceful enough to be a giant.  Siv was in front of them, hissing at the door. Thinking it better to be safe, they peeked out the window, then ran to open the door. Just a crack.

Red faced and holding a basket was… the giant. Only he wasn’t giant. Not exactly. He now stood at about twice Myran’s height. A little less actually. Right. Wizard. Giant wizard.

“May I come in?”

“Depends… what’s in the basket?” They narrowed their eyes. “I don’t want any nasty surprises.”

The wizard’s face got redder as he removed the cover. They opened the door and stood aside. They took the basket with their right hand… Yonah hesitated. Their arm had a massive scar from shoulder to elbow, but the hand was unbroken. The Dwarf noticed and gave him a hard look as he crouched low to get through the dwarf sized door, Siv still hissing at him in warning.

Myran put the basket on the kitchen table and motioned to the couch. “Please, sit.” Yonah did. The couch was small for him but it took his weight. “I’m going to be honest.” Myran leaned against the kitchen table and crossed their arms. “This is quite the unexpected visit.”

They leaned against the kitchen table and crossed their arms.

“Oh?” Yonah said, of course it made sense, he threatened them, bitten them, chased them out, why would he then try to find them again.

“You bit me! You broke my hand! And You said if you saw me again you would eat me!”

/Ohhhh/

Yonah’s breath caught before managing to say “I did… didn’t I.” He looked down at his feet.

They sighed.

“Yep. Though eating me at your current size would be an impressive feat. So- What the fuck are you doing here? Besides bringing me cookies to fatten me up.”

“I’m not-!” He looked back up to defend himself and saw their cheeky grin. “I didn’t come here to eat you…” they raised an eyebrow in sarcastic disbelief.

“I want to apologize. For chasing you away like that. I was so angry. I still am, though mostly at myself. I shouldn't have hurt you, you weren't an adventurer. It wasn’t right.” He was almost crying. Dammit, he’d gone nearly a month without crying!

The witch raised both eyebrows now, genuinely curious as to the workings of this monster’s thoughts.  “Youre sorry for chasing me away!? You threatened to eat me!”

“It’s my job! It’s my job to terrorize people, Especially those who enter my tower unannounced. It’s part of my job! And… and I like it!” He startled himself with that statement. He liked his job? He didn’t even want this job!! He was forcefully employed by the King under threat of more conventional imprisonment! Being evil had never been his plan and he didn’t want that. Didn’t he?

The witch didn’t look completely satisfied with this answer. But they didn’t get to inquire further as Yonah’s curiosity got the better of him.

“Er- your hand…”

Myran smiled “It was rather mangled by your jaws yesterday. Luckily, I am a very good healer, and well-known in this forest. If you had killed me, you would have had a lot of angry forest residents after your head.” Myran began preparing a pot of tea as Yonah Processed that statement.  “You’re a lucky giant aren’t you?”

“What?” Yonah voiced. “For not killing you and putting a target on my back?”

“Yes, exactly. And that was curious. It is rare that evil giants are merciful.”

Yonah looked away, “I’ve only been evil for a few months. I… you’re the third person I've faced as my er… villainous self. And I haven’t… I dont plan on... eating anyone.”

That surprised Myran. “I guess I do not know the frequency that giants normally encounter adventurers…”

“You said it yourself, Evil Giants eat people…” Yonah pointed out, “But it comes with a cost… I am worried… even if I don't... It’s only a matter of time before slayers come after me.”

“Most evil giants kill their victims. Right?” they asked more directly.

Yonah shrugged “I met another one once. Said it depended on his mood.”

“Fascinating… though if you keep up your merciful streak, perhaps you are less likely to attract slayers?”

“Perhaps…” Yonah had not considered that. He just felt he wasn’t ready to kill anyone yet, but maybe there were other perks than just his own conscience to continue to let his victims go.

“Cracked some sort of code then? Getting to be a villain without attracting too much attention?” Then they added “Not that this would stop all slayers. I expect you would kill a slayer?”

Yonah wasn’t really listening to Myran any longer. There were other things on his mind. Things he had spent the entire walk over here mulling over, and he had to voice them sooner rather than later.

As tears welled in his eyes he couldn’t look at Myran any longer. He closed his eyes and turned his face away.

“I know I said I didn’t want any friends. But I do! I need them. And I know I can’t be your friend. You came to me and I fucked it up. But I beseech you to not tell everyone else in the forest to avoid me. I already went to the mystical market and-“

“You… how did you find out that I liked almonds!”

Yonah looked up. They weren’t looking at him but reaching into the basket for another cookie. They munched on it thoughtfully, not a crumb falling into their beard.  The tea was ready and Myran poured it with magic, leaving their hands free to hold more cookies.  They walked over to Yonah, the tea cups floating with. He took the larger one out of mid air. It was very hot! And he drank. It was… It tasted like tea he’d had at home. His village had alway gotten various teas from the dwarves. New tears came to his eyes.

“You alright?” Myran asked, offering a handkerchief. “You’re a very emotional evil giant.”

Yonah took it and dried his eyes. “The tea is… really good.” That wasn’t the real reason but right now he couldn’t process all of his emotions.

“It’s my grandma’s blend,” Myran said. “I’ve tried to replicate it using my garden, but you just can’t replicate those tunnel grown fungi.”

They dipped one of the cookies into the tea. From their expression, it wasn’t really a mistake but likely didn’t improve the experience. Still they munched thoughtfully.

“I’ll be your friend.”

Yonah’s jaw nearly hit the floor and he almost dropped his tea. It was a few seconds before he managed to pick his jaw back up. Were they serious? They walked over to him, placing their much smaller hand over one of his. Then they smiled most disarmingly.

“Just don’t eat me!”

Yonah smiled.

“I think I can manage that”

[FIN]

——

(You can imagine that Yonah got to hug Myran before he left, probably a little too tight but dwarves are tough!)

[THANKS FOR READING! PLEASE REBLOG/GIVE ME FEEDBACK!!! I CRAVE IT!]

Big thanks to my editors @j0hnnymouse and @vixen525

[st-just]

Semi-coherent thoughts on Oathbringer

So, overall probably the most even of the series so far, I’d say? Not to say I didn’t like it – I really, really loved the finale, and there were plenty of great lines, but my god were there a lot of pages spent on nothing happening (honestly it kind of reminded me of the latter volumes of ASOIF, in that sense) – then again, I suppose that is kind of just the nature of these 1000+ page fantasy epics. There were some setting reveals that really were fascinating, and legitimately a bit surprising. Going to have to take a break from the series until the friend I got Rhythm of War for is done so I can borrow it, though I suppose that’s no huge loss compared to the however many years everyone else had to wait in between them.

So in terms of pacing it’s...bad. Or, well, that’s probably a bit unfair. There’s absolutely plenty of fat to cute, but again I do think that might just come with the territory of committing to like a dozen POVs across a tree’s worth of paper (though there were absolutely like 100+ page stretches where I’m not actually sure the plot meaningfully progressed). That said, honestly the main pacing issue isn’t so much the bloat as, like – okay, Dalinar’s arc was a pretty consistent throughline, but for Kalidan and Shallan it kind of felt like there was one whole story in Urithiru, and then from the mission to Kholinar and the journey through the Cognitive Realm felt like its own separate novel? I mean, not sure if that makes any sense, but it really did kind of feel like there was a whole additional first act of table and stakes setting once they arrived in the city.

Though, to argue in favor of bloat for a moment – I was chatting with  @lifeattomsdiner​ bit back about The City We Became, and they mentioned that the size of the cast meant that you don’t actually really get to know any of the protagonists that well on their own. And I suppose that is the advantage of the 1200-page-per-volume epic cycle – even with characters you only really meet in interludes like Szeth, Vargo and Venli (incidentally three of my favorites), you spend enough pages inside of their head that you do really get to see what makes them tick and learn to love/hate them. Speaking of – props to Sanderson as an author, really – it’s vaguely astounding that he manages to keep track of that many internal monologues and actually make them seem distinct from each other.

Breaking things down by character a bit more – this book really did actually enjoy/get invested in Dalinar way more than either of the previous two, which again I’m told is more or less the expected reaction. Given the amount of tumblr brain poison I’m voluntarily exposed myself to, it’s honestly more than a bit of a nice change to see a character on a redemption arc who is actually unambiguously in need of redemption. Because holy shit, pulled, like, exactly two punches in terms of making the guy as genuinely loathsome as possible before he starts breaking. And, well, obviously he was on a redemption arc, but there was a bit near the end there where I really did think that the book was going to cut to black on an ‘end of Act 2, maximum darkness before dawn’ moment with, like, all the Skybreakers and him kneeling before Odium as the city fell. But I suppose that would be a bit much of a cliffhanger for a series with installments this weighty.

This was pretty clearly Shallan’s ‘getting over my personal bullshit’ book, like WoR was for Kaladin and WoK was for Dalinar, though spicing things up with increasingly severe DID as the book went on did make things more interesting at least. Also, I have no idea if this is actually true, but according to the friend who pestered me into reading these when someone asked Sanderson if he’d intentionally written her as bi he just kind of shrugged and said ‘sure, why not,’ which is fun. It was more than a bit, I don’t know, forced?, to have Wit just wander in from stage left and give her a desperately needed therapy session while she was in the middle of a breakdown and propel her development for most of the rest of the book, but on the other hand she’s pretty easily the main POV I’m most invested in by now, and the live triangle the text repeatedly threatened me with never actually became a thing, so I can’t really complain too much. Honestly super curious about the Ghostbloods and what they want out of her given, well, for a shadowy murderous conspiracy, everything they’ve wanted out of her so far has been pretty much entirely benign. Like, of the three major shadowy murderous conspiracies they’re easily the least problematic for the future of humanity at the moment. She should just commit and join for real imo.

As always, Kaladin’s POV is mostly good because it means we get more Syl, who is the single best character in the entire story I’ve decided. But also, I really quite liked his whole sojourn with the newly freed Parshmen and dawning realization that ‘wait these people are basically entirely right’. Also, the delicious delicious angst of spending however many dozens of pages getting to know them and then the wall guard and then the two groups killing each other in a confused melee while he has a mental breakdown. Easily best moment in the book (but then I’m a miserable person).

Adolin is honestly significantly more entertaining to follow than I really expected, though I’m still not like especially invested in him as a character. His relationship with his tailor was quite charming, though, as was the fact that he cares enough about fashion that he learned to sew. Honestly I was rather expecting/slightly dreading his main arc this book to be, like, inadequacy or insecurity over being almost literally the only member of his family that’s not a Radiant, so it’s kind of a pleasant surprise that he seems to have just accepted that (too well-adjust, I guess?). It is however extremely funny that the fact he just straight-up murdered one of the kingdom’s most important aristocrats and the major antagonist of the first two books seems to have resulted in absolutely zero consequences of any kind for him.

In terms of minor characters, the one I’m most invested in by a pretty substantial margin at this point is Venli, as she’s getting a front row seat to all the most interesting bits of the setting, ‘cultist growing increasingly disillusioned about return of ancient and terrible eldritch god’ is a really entertaining character arc just in principle, and because as of the end of the book she represents the morally objectively correct perspective and political line I’ve decided and will fight people about. Curious what sort of superpowers she’ll get. (Vargo and Szeth are still both great though, too).

The Unmade are really fun as a worldbuilding conceit/excuse for weird fucked up monsters. And it really is kind of funny that at least a third of the God of Evil’s nine generals/children/favoured beasts are, like, at conflicted or ambivalent about the whole ‘exterminate humanity and remake the world as a monument to my glory’ thing.  

Really, on an extremely shallow and entirely aesthetic level, between the evil red crystal/lightning aesthetic, the remote mountain fortress as a stronghold of the heroes in the face of the coming apocalypse, tears into the realm of spirits, the quirky evil minibosses each handling corrupting/conquering a given center of civilization, etc, the whole thing kind of reminded me of Dragon Age Inquisition. Which reminded me of how disappointing the story to that game was, which made me like the book more by comparison, but anyway. Yeah, good book.

[heythererosetyler-blog]

10th Doctor Novels Review from ‘oh give me a break’ to ‘more of that please!’ There are DW novels and then there are DW NOVELS and today, fellow Whovians, I will be giving you MY list of the top 5ish best and worst novels from the 10th Doctors’ run.  I think all the books in the best category could be switched around depending on what you are looking for from #10.  For instance, I like him best when he is alone so you don’t get the classic, ‘must save companion’ story and I also like the one’s where he is a hairs-breath away from being killed. It bears repeating that, except for the book at the #1 spot which no one who has read it would ever argue that it doesn’t deserve that honor, this is simply how ‘I’ would rank them.  YMMV.   Also, and this is a big one if you keep going YOU WILL SEE SPOILERS, so proceed with caution if you plan on reading any of the books on the list.  So, go on and read/listen to it…. we will wait. (Taps foot and drums fingers while whistling the DW theme.  Badly.) Welllll…I said we will wait but, welllll…. I really meant that I would wait but welllll…. nah, you had your chance so just tread lightly.  Or read with your eyes closed because, and let me repeat this…. THERE ARE SOME MAJOR, MAJOR SPOILERS!! )))))*((((( Imho and without going into too much detail, the following can be passed by without missing out on anything.   In fact, if you read any of these first you may just be turned off of DW books completely.   The Last Dodo by Jacqueline Rayner Ummm, if you are interested in trying to figure out where the Dodo went, this might appeal to you.  The only interesting feature is that where it ended up is where the Doctor might end up unless he and Martha can free the missing creatures from all across the universe from this evil zoo.  Trust me, not as exciting as it sounds but it might have been if it been written better.  And in that same vein we have…… The Doctor Trap by Simon Messingham I don’t know what it is about trying to catch the Doctor because he is the last of his kind that just cannot be written right, but here is another.  I had high hopes for this one because it starts out pretty good but after the first chapter or so you just want to scream ‘CATCH HIM ALREADY AND MAKE THE PAIN OF READING THIS STOP!!’   The Wooden Heart by Martin Day Has nothing to do with a heart that is wooden.  I am still unsure as to why it is called what it’s called.  On the ‘Goodreads’ website the description of the book states: A trip through space becomes a nightmare walk in the woods for the Doctor and Martha.  Period.  End of description.  I think the reason it ends there is because there is nothing much more to say.  I have read much better fanfic than this.   Others that I consider a touch better, with maybe a little less snore factor are…. The Slitheen Excursion by Simon Guerrier The Many Hands by Dale Smith )))))*((((( Whew, let’s all take a deep breath and get into the tasty 10 tales, shall we? The Stone Rose by Jacqueline Rayner How do you take a story about ancient Rome, a 2000 year old statue of Rose aka the goddess Fortuna found at the British Museum, a genie, fake astrologer, evil sculptor and a crazed Doctor who is panic stricken while trying to save her but gets thrown into the REAL lion’s den and forced to fight in the Colosseum, and make it all work?  Write a book like this!  If you like your books a bit timey-wimey you will eat this one up.  AND this is the only published story where I think you will ever read the lines…. “(His) arms flexed and grabbed Rose into a hug. Soft lips pressed hers with a kiss of gratitude and joy and unspeakable pleasure at being alive.” A gazillion Ten/Rose shippers just punched the air.  They also would agree with Rose when, a line or two later she says…. “I think you must be real…my imagination’s not that good.”   Neither is ours Rose, neither is ours.  A fast and :: cough:: satisfying read! In the Blood by Jenny Colgan Ok, I know that a lot of people have a problem with the fact that whoever did the proof-reading was obviously sleeping on the job, but I still think it is a great book.   And strangely enough, I really wasn’t thrilled by the premise of the story; an infection is let loose over the internet turning normally calm, everyday people into violent pressure cookers who die when their anger gets too much for their hearts to handle.   What I DO love is how much the author just ‘gets’ the Doctor and Donna and the predicaments she puts them in.  I mean she just nails them and by doing so it elevates the story into something special.  On top of that Colgan introduces a near perfect pseudo-villain named Fief.  He is a big brute of a guy from the planet Cadmia who is unpredictable and whose loyalties are to his people and to retrieving the source of the infection no matter what he has to do to get it.  He is unfeeling, totally logical and robotic (picture the Terminator and he comes pretty close) and wears an earpiece that connects him to his world who are all raised on and made of sound.  When the Doctor entrusts him to care for Donna as he believes he is going to his death, Fief obeys and holds Donna back from following him.  He seems to connect to Donna which is fascinating to read.  Meanwhile back on the train, the Doctor disconnects the engine so that the cars slow and stop but he has to get the train to jump the tracks before it barrels into the town.  The big problem is that the train is suspended over a huge viaduct located in the Brazilian rainforest and it is one hell of a long way down.  And since the engine is heavier than he is it will burst into a huge ball of flame which our hero will land in as well.  Colgan comes up with some of the most beautiful writing here as the Doctor falls…. “And, as he cut through the air, all the things that fall pulsed through his head: a glorious downed pheasant on the wing; and a windfall apple in Lincolnshire; and a golden ball in Pisa; and a hammer and a feather on the moon; and a wall in the bitter east; and every passing snowflake and lonely airman and oh so many tumbling stars…. And he felt a part of all of these things.” There are other heart stopping moments in this book that make me wish it was available on audio.  Another winner! FUN MENTION/Target Novelization of…. “The Day of the Doctor” by Moffat Since we are talking Ten, I am adding this for one reason and one reason only: The Tenth Doctor kicks the Eleventh Doctors ass.  After releasing the initial script for the ‘movie,’ the Moff rewrote it to help clarify some things and give each Doctor a bit more back story.  It explains how Ten had been put in that very same cell during his Zygon investigation that all three of them got thrown in together.  Elizabeth tosses him in there because she believes him to be a spy and yet visits him often because he makes her laugh…. even during his torture on ‘the rack.’  Pre-picnic shows how he came within seconds of being beheaded (he wonders if both his head and body would regenerate if separated) and how he wanted his final thoughts to matter…. “Realizing he was now, beyond all doubt about to die, the Doctor rose up inside himself, steadied his hearts and chose his final thought with care. The children. The children of Gallifrey.” This I think, more than any other reason explains why he was so angry when 11 didn’t remember how many children died.  In the book version he becomes so angry that he gets in his face, screams at him about not remembering then grabs his shirt and throws him across the room into the opposite wall, knocking him out.  11 wakes up to seeing 10 pacing and mumbling about how he doesn’t hit people but then says, “But 2.47 billion children!” before launching himself once more at 11 but this time gets him in a headlock shouting “How could you forget?!  HOW COULD YOU FORGET?!” I would have paid good money to have seen this instead of merely reading it.   It is for everyone who sobbed their eyes out when 10 regenerated and still to this day have a hard time revisiting it.  This is all of us saying to 11, ‘Yeah, take THAT bowtie boy!’ even though we ended up liking him eventually. 3 - Peacemaker by James Swallow Quote: “A weapon is only a tool. I’ve heard a lot of people say that over the years. But so is a hammer, and if that’s the only tool you have, pretty soon everything starts to look like a nail.” Oh, I love that!   Peacemaker is a scifi western.  No, really it is and guess what…Swallow pulls it off!   The official summary is: “The peace and quiet of a remote homestead in the 1880s American West is shattered by the arrival of two shadowy outriders searching for 'the healer'. When the farmer refuses to help them, they burn the house and the owners to the ground, using guns that shoot bolts of energy instead of bullets... In the town of Redwater, the Doctor and Martha learn of a snake-oil salesman whose patent medicines actually cure his patient. But when the Doctor and Martha investigate, they discover the truth is stranger, and far more dangerous. Caught between the law of the gun and the deadly plans of intergalactic mercenaries, the Doctor and Martha are about to discover just how wild the West can become...” Whew, a lot to take in I know but very worth it.  The badie is a good one called the Clade which exist for one thing: war, death and destruction.  They are on earth to get back a gun that belongs to them and they will stop at NOTHING to retrieve it.   Problem is one man found it and the gun did what it is meant to do which is attach itself to its host and take it over completely.  It has the ability to heal but that is not its main purpose.  The Clade are simply machines that were made on a planet which was at war and let the Clade do the battles for them.  But then there was peace and the Clade had no purpose anymore so they waited and waited and finally decided to destroy the civilization that made them and then go out into the universe to fight battles wherever they could.   I can picture the Doctor donning a cowboy hat and riding a horse.  One of the many scenes I really like is when 3 gunslingers come out of a bar and challenge the Doctor to a duel.  It goes like this…. “The Lyle Brothers were quick on the draw, and they put a fan of bullets into the air before them; but they could only be as fast as human beings.  The Doctor was a Time Lord, and he moved between the ticks of the clock.  His hand blurred towards the holster on his hip, grabbing the slender wand there and thumbing the activation switch.  The sonic screwdriver droned loudly, and the air between the gunslingers and the Doctor shimmered like heat-haze off the desert.  Three speeding dots of lead stopped dead and flattened against an invisible wall of sound, before falling harmlessly to the dirt.” The end of the book was shocking when the Doctor makes the ultimate sacrifice by allowing the gun to take him over so that he can use it to save Martha’s life.  After that it was an internal battle between the Clade gun that was trying to possess him, and the Doctors own inner struggle which was a fascinating fight.   2 – The Eyeless by Lance Parkin Quote:  “Do you know what?  In the end their sacrifice made no difference.  Because THEY survived.  Thousands of them, millions.  Just one.  It doesn’t matter.  It’s the same thing. And…do you know what?... life is always better than death. Always.  Yet I want all of THEM dead.  Every single last one of them.  When did I become someone who wanted to exterminate?  When was that? When did they win?’   Take one brilliant hero, put him in a position where he must find and remove such a incredibly lethal weapon that it can destroy whole planets, then put it at the heart of a HUGE pyramid shaped fortress whose defense systems both inside and out are pin-point accurate to protect the weapon and you would have an good story.  THEN throw in an alien species called the Eyeless who are made of a glass like material and who also want the weapon and will kill the Doctor to keep him from getting it and you are probably reading a great story! THEN add in thousands of ‘ghosts’ that also inhabit the fortress and whose touch turns their victims into a ghost as well.  Even though they mean no harm, they do not understand their effect on those they touch which makes them yet another barrier for him to get by.  This up’s the entertainment factor, making it a fantastic story!  Finally throw into the mix one bully teenager who HATES the Doctor and also wants him dead, make the Doctor companionless, lonely and very introspective, have it all put together by an exceptional writer…. mix well and you have something that you lose sleep over and will reread multiple times.   The Doctor is up against an almost insurmountable goal that very nearly breaks him.  It is a breathless page-turner that is not for the faint of heart.  Parkin wrote this for a Doctor who is quick on his feet, a blazingly fast thinker who can stay one step ahead of multiple traps and enemies, one who is physically strong and extremely cunning.  In other words, Ten.  I can’t see any of the others having all those qualities in one dynamic package that Parkin could have placed center stage except him. For instance... “The Doctor had broken free of the Eyeless, but it still had a six-fingered handful of his coat and jacket lapel.  The Doctor was closed in, his arm under the Eyeless’ so that he had it in what he rather hoped was a wrestling hold…. The glass man shoved the Doctor against the back wall.  It wasn’t any stronger than a human being, although that was strong enough to push the air out of his lungs.  He recovered, twisted, managed to trip the Eyeless over and now he had it pinned, his knee in its back, although it was hard to keep hold….” And this was just one Eyeless.  At one point during the above scene Parkin describes it as almost like a waltz as the two vie for dominance over the other.  There is a lot of physical jousting and plain old hand to (glass) hand combat that I don’t think any of the others could have pulled off as well as Ten.   Where the ghosts are concerned there’s a part where he is surrounded by them as they advance. He is trying to get through to them that if they touch him, he will not become a ghost, he will just disappear.  But there is a part of him that is just so tired and feels so alone that he actually wonders if that would be a bad thing.   As they come closer you can tell that he is almost yelling at himself when he loses it, saying to them… “I’m the last one,” the Doctor said. ‘I’m it.  My people died.  All of them.  And Time Lords don’t die just the once, you know.  You have to kill us a lot more than once to make it stick.’   Still the ghosts pressed at him, some holding out their hands like beggars after a scrap of food, some shouldering towards him like they were after a fight, some apparently just wanting him to see them cry.  They kept coming, like waves to a beach.   ‘Do you know what?  In the end their sacrifice made no difference.  Because THEY survived.  Thousands of them, millions.  Just one.  It doesn’t matter.  It’s the same thing.  And…do you know what?... life is always better than death.  Always.  Yet I want all of THEM dead.  Every single last one of them.  When did I become someone who wanted to exterminate?  When was that?  When did they win?’   The ghosts weren’t listening.” At times it feels like you are eavesdropping on a therapy session because we get to hear the inner workings of his mind.  It is a fascinating way to understand this Doctor’s motivations and feel his loneliness.  This story is like one big ‘Escape Room’ where you either solve it or die trying.  As the Doctor would say, ‘no second chances.’  It’s that kind of story.   1 – Prisoner of the Daleks by Trevor Baxendale Scene: “The execution squad was already moving back towards Jennifer and Kuli, taking up extermination positions again. The Doctor ran over and placed himself between the Daleks, the little girl and her mother. “If you really want to kill them then you’ll have to go through me first.” “You can be disabled" warned Dalek X "Try It” The Dalek guns twitched impatiently in their sockets.  All eyes were on the Doctor, but he met the pitiless blue stares unflinchingly. “Harm them in any way and I will not cooperate. You can disable me and torture me again or even kill me, but you will NEVER get the TARDIS!” ― Trevor Baxendale, Prisoner of the Daleks Fellow Whovians please bow down and give thanks to the man who wrote possibly the greatest DW novel of all time, certainly of the reboot…. Trevor Baxendale.  Ok, ok so I haven’t read EVERY DW book so the ‘all time’ comment can be almost ignored.  I say almost because I have read reviews by those who have been fans from Hartnell to now who have also said that this is the absolute best ever written.  Don’t believe me?  Check out YouTube where there have been a couple of attempts at recreating scenes, or the video reading of the first chapter with intro and backdrop, whole pages filled with fan art of this very book on DeviantArt etc. etc.  Hell, just look at the ratings on Amazon for it.  Even Barnes and Noble along with the BBC thought it worthy of putting it, along with “Remembrance of the Daleks” from the Classic era into their ‘bonded-leather binding, with distinctive gilt edging and an attractive silk-ribbon bookmark’.  One thing I do take issue with is where it says that on Amazon that it offers…. “…hours of pleasure to readers young and old…” Ahhh, no.  “Prisoner…” is most definitely NOT for the young reader.  It is one of the most, if not THE most adult DW book I have ever read and I have read 95% of the reboots novels.  At times it is downright brutal.  There is no other book where a scene like this is featured…. (He is dragged into a room and forced to stand against a metal wall where he is bound to it via tight clamps around his ankles and wrists.  Then something is clamped to his head with hundreds of fine needles pricked his scalp.) “I AM DALEK X’ ‘Can’t say I’m pleased to meet you, sorry’ ‘YOU ARE ATTACHED TO A DALEK MIND PROBE.  IT HAS BEEN CALIBRATED TO YOUR SPECIFIC BRAINWAVE FREQUENCY.’ ‘You won’t get anything out of me’ the Doctor blurted. ‘THAT IS NOT THE INTENTION’ replied Dalek X. ‘YET.’ ‘I INTEND TO MEASURE YOUR CAPACITY FOR PHYSICAL PAIN’ said Dalek X ‘Oh.  Why?’ ‘BECAUSE I WISH TO.’ Suffice it to say that what they do to him is written pretty graphically and is even hard to re-type.  There is one part, however, I do like which comes after the second time (in a row, btw) they torture him that I think sums up 10 pretty well, “His brain felt like it was about to burst, but when the torment ended the Doctor found himself laughing.  “That’s it, isn’t it?” he panted, his breath ragged and thin.  “Your losing!” It’s the laughter that makes the scene so surprising and makes it uniquely Ten.   There they are, my least favorite and my best.  What do you think?  Which are yours?

[binaural-histolog]

An Alternative History of Hypnotism

I’ve read a number of histories of hypnotism. Not as many as @hypnoticharlequin, who specializes in deep dives into hypnohistory, but enough. And while it’s fun to read the Wikipedia entry on history of hypnosis and read about Avicenna and Paracelsus, I think that this isn’t a history of hypnotism. It’s a history of hypnotizers.

To nail down my terms, I’m talking about hypnotism specifically as the act of hypnotizing, involving two people, a hypnotist and a subject. This is also called hetero-hypnosis, but I don’t like this terminology as it confuses the state of hypnosis with the process.

If you put together a history of hypnotism itself, you would be writing about inductions and suggestions. You would discuss the mental state needed to completely focus on one thing, and you would ask questions about how the mind processes thoughts. You would investigate how to persuade people to follow a particular course of action, and ask how persuasion works in general. And because concentrated focus and persuasion are ancient human activities, you would start teaching people how to do this soon after civilization started.

This is, of course, exactly what happened. The study of concentrated focus is called meditation. The study of persuasion is called rhetoric. Both meditation and rhetoric have been practiced for thousands of years. My thesis is that hypnotism is a synthesis of meditation and rhetoric, and therefore a history of hypnotism is a history of meditation and of rhetoric.

Definition of Hypnotism

Let’s address the definition right out the gate. Why do I say that hypnotism is a synthesis of meditation and rhetoric?

Wikipedia defines meditation as a “practice where an individual uses a technique – such as mindfulness, or focusing their mind on a particular object, thought or activity – to train attention and awareness, and achieve a mentally clear and emotionally calm state.” In conventional wisdom, meditation is centered on being aware of the present moment, or on compassion or mercy, but meditation can be used to focus the mind on any object, thought or activity.

Wikipedia defines rhetoric as “the art of using language to convince or persuade.” Rhetoric is most commonly associated with political discourse, but one branch of rhetoric is the act of picking out selective facts and weaving together a consistent story and worldview from those facts.

My interpretation of hypnotism in this context is that it is an act of meditation on the part of the subject, and an act of rhetoric on the part of the hypnotist. The hypnotist provides the rhetoric in the form of a consistent story backed up by facts (“convincers”) that the subject is becoming deeply hypnotized, and the subject provides focused concentration on the hypnotist’s suggestions, producing a meditative state that blurs the line between the suggestions of the hypnotist and the thoughts of the subject.

This is, of course, only one interpretation of hypnotism, and far from the only one. I believe this interpretation is useful, as it provides access to the concerns of rhetoric and meditation in a hypnotic context, and opens the door to useful analogies and discussion of issues that relate to those disciplines.

Sophists as Hypnotists

First, I’ll talk about rhetoric. Rhetoric was first invented by the (possibly apocryphal) Corax and Tisias but the first well known practitioners of rhetoric are the Sophists. Sophists were in some ways, the first hypnotists, and I’m going to take a sidebar to talk about them because the Sophists got unfairly trashed, and they are a fascinating bunch of people in their own right.

The Sophists were a group of teachers in ancient Greece. They were known for teaching the virtues of excellence “aretē” which was controversial for several reasons. One, the Sophists claimed that aretē was teachable, rather than an inherent quality that was bound to individuals at birth. Two, having established that they could transmit aretē to their students, they then asked for large sums of money to teach students. Three, the Sophists used rhetoric, and would teach it to their students.

At the time, it was assumed that each individual had a set level of aretē, provided by, and that was it. If you were a plumber, you’d stay a plumber. The Sophists not only disputed the aristocratic view of aretē, but they directly profited from their viewpoint. Either the Sophists were selling bullshit, in which case they were con artists, or they were teaching aretē to anyone who could afford it and thereby upsetting the natural order.

But that wasn’t the worst of it. The Sophists were using rhetoric, the art of persuasion, and teaching it to their students.

To understand why the practice of teaching rhetoric was a hot-button issue, it helps to get some context. Greece in fifth and fourth centuries BC was a happening place. It was the most advanced economy in the world. However, Athenian democracy developed around fifth century BC. Democracy, the idea that each citizen had a vote, was new.

Because every citizen had a vote, it was no longer possible to target one man and flatter him. Instead, leaders had to speak to the populace at large, and convince them. They had to become politicians. The quality of eloquence and clear speaking was considered to be an inherent quality of aretē, owned by natural leaders. By codifying that quality as a teachable skill and teaching rhetoric, the Sophists were altering the course of lawsuits, influencing the way that the populace voted, and generally messing things up.

But it wasn’t about money and power. There’s a good argument to be made that by spreading rhetoric, the Sophists played a critical role in spreading democratic practices through peer polity interactions.

The Sophists were relativists. Protagoras said “Man is the measure of all things”, meaning that every man decides for himself what he believes. Following on from relativism, sophists believed that rhetoric was epistemic and rhetoricians had the potential to sculpt reality for their listeners, to create knowledge. To create the best reality, the Sophists genuinely believed in proof by argument and debate, and following dialectical arguments regardless of the existing convention. It’s interesting to note that although Sophia literally means wise, it also has a secondary meaning of “clever.” I suspect the ancient Greek translation of “sophist” was closer to “smartass.”

The Sophists famously “made the weaker argument stronger” according to Aristophanes. The Sophists argued for the perspective of the weak. It’s a stretch to say that the Sophists were tireless campaigners for the underdog, but they were willing to advocate for those positions regardless of the common wisdom. They were as “woke” as it was possible to be in ancient Greece. Alcidamas argued against slavery, saying “God has left all men free; nature has made no man a slave.” Protagoras proclaimed ignorance of the Gods. Gorgias argued against misogyny in An Encomium of Helen.

An Encomium of Helen is especially interesting, because of how much it packs in to a few pages. Gorgias’s description of rhetoric is immediately familiar to hypnotists.

Speech is a powerful lord, which by means of the finest and most invisible body effects the divinest works: it can stop fear and banish grief and create joy and nurture pity.

The discussion of hypnosis is often hamstrung by the conception of hypnosis as a party trick. Gorgias points out the power of words explicitly, reminding the audience of the effect of well chosen words.

Gorgias then posits Helen as being especially suggestible.

What cause then prevents the conclusion that Helen similarly, against her will, might have come under the influence of speech, just as if ravished by the force of the mighty? For it was possible to see how the force of persuasion prevails; persuasion has the form of necessity, but it does not have the same power. For speech constrained the soul, persuading it which it persuaded both to believe the things said and to approve the things done. The persuader, like a constrainer, does the wrong and the persuaded, like the constrained, in speech is wrongly charged.

Gorgias points out the loophole in free will, in that speech may “constrain the soul […] both to believe the things aid and to approve the things done.” This is relevant to hypnosis, because it’s been said that hypnosis can’t make you do things that you don’t want to do. This is missing the point, in that rhetoric (and by extension, hypnosis) is a tool designed to make you want to do and believe things in the first place. Gorgias also “coming under the influence” of the rhetorician, which is a classic depiction of hypnotists, and the issue of non-consensual influence.

Gorgias further describes the power of rhetoric as follows.

The effect of speech upon the condition of the soul is comparable to the power of drugs over the nature of bodies. For just as different drugs dispel different secretions from the body, and some bring an end to disease and others to life, so also in the case of speeches, some distress, others delight, some cause fear, others make the hearers bold, and some drug and bewitch the soul with a kind of evil persuasion.

Gorgias is clearly describing speech (logos) as having real, physical consequences with the ability to heal or harm, rather than speech as an abstract intellectual exercise or a game. This paragraph is thousands of years old, and could be pasted as is into a hypnotherapy book.

In philosophical terms, Gorgias espouses a deflationary epistemic anti-realism. In plain English terms, Gorgias says we are all easily manipulable meat bags.

Gorgias is also interesting because of his style. He was a professional diplomat, sent to Athens to ask for protection against the aggression of the Syracusans, and he was known for being able to argument on any subject. Crucially, Gorgias was interested in persuasive argument, rather than logical argument. Per Wikipedia, many philosophers take issue with Gorgias because his rhetoric was “frequently elusive and confusing; he makes many of his most important points using elaborate, but highly ambiguous, metaphors, similes, and puns.”

But Gorgias’s use of confusion and elision is deliberate, as is his use of ambiguity and metaphor. Gorgias is tying up the critical faculty of his audience and eliciting emotional states directly. His language is perfectly oriented to his goals. Andrew Patrick in Language is a Mighty Lord: A Gorgias Reader describes the style as “musicality, a rhythmic performance” and again, music and rhythm appeal directly to the senses without going through the critical faculty.

Gorgias cannot be called a hypnotist because he never explicitly called on his audience to focus on his words and believe him uncritically. However, because Gorgias codified and taught methods of persuasion to his students, and justified his teachings with a theory of mind and an understanding of the power of suggestion, he has a connection to hypnosis.

Mediators as Subjects

Hypnosis has a complicated relationship with meditation. 

The big difference between hypnosis and meditation is the goal. Meditation is specifically goal-free: you’re not even supposed to seek enlightenment. Hypnosis is goal oriented: you induce, you place suggestions, you finish up. Yapko says “Mindfulness applied in a clinical context for the purpose of changing someone is quite different than mindfulness for spiritual enlightenment.” Adam Eason describes hypnosis as a form of goal oriented focused attention meditation, and while that’s literally true, it has other implications that we’ll get to.  Nevertheless, I am not aware of anything that is more like hypnosis than meditation, and I am keenly aware of falling into the “everything is hypnosis” trap. By keeping the definition of hypnosis as goal oriented focused attention meditation, there is at least a model which allows “like for like” comparisons of other forms of meditation to hypnosis.

In Mindfulness and Hypnosis, Yapko is careful to differentiate hypnosis and mindfulness, saying “they differ in philosophical foundations and stated intentions, [but] do share a common practical foundation, common methodology, and common therapeutic orientation” and also “clinical hypnosis and mindfulness share core values and practices.” Yapko then analyzes several guided mindfulness meditation techniques and points out that they are composed of many direct and indirect suggestions.

There’s been a large amount of attention paid to the neuroscience of meditation recently, and it really solidifies the early literature with clinical studies and hard science. Attention regulation and monitoring in meditation shows the ins and outs of attention regulation, and it’s clear that many of the same parts of the brain are being used in meditation as hypnosis. Hypnosis and Meditation: Towards an Integrative Science of Conscious Planes is an excellent book, for discussing the links between hypnosis and meditation, but do so from a cognitive science perspective.

Interestingly enough, in the course of research I found that meditation retreats can involve ‘Dark Night’ stages that can involve psychotic breakdowns, and Dr Daniel Ingram and Professor Willoughby Britton look like great resources to check out in the future.

However, this doesn’t get us closer to a history of the practice of meditation and how it relates to hypnosis. What would be interesting is a discussion of depth in meditation. Intimations that suggestibility may be increased in states of meditation. Discussions of catalepsy and a correlation to Esdaile state. This doesn’t show up so much in meditation. Monks will fall asleep, but monks are not known for moving around other monks in a state of tonic immobility. There are references all the way back to “temple sleep” and Imhotep, but this is not specifically related to meditation, but to healing. The earliest reference I can find is the Ebers Papyrus, referenced from Jon Mongiovi.

Things get more interesting when looking at the history of western hypnosis. The official record that Esdaile had seen mesmerism tried at the medical college, and used it for analgesia. Will Durant says “The Englishmen who introduced hypnotherapy to England- Braid, Esdaile and Elliotson- undoubtedly got their ideas, and some of their experience, from contact with India.” He does not cite his sources, but it seems likely that Esdaile’s contact with India prompted his curiosity. Durant does not mention which brand of hypnosis was at work here, but India has a strong tradition of hypnosis-like states. So, let’s pull on that thread.

Esdaile was clearly aware and fascinated by Fakirs and mesmerism. In a letter to James Braid, Esdaile says “It happened curiously enough, that the sleeping Fakir of Lahore had attracted my attention about the very time your interesting account of him appeared, and I had actually written to Sir Henry Lawrence [an influential British statesman and soldier in India], begging him to procure us information on the subject; but my departure from India, shortly after, prevented my prosecution of the subject.”

More importantly, Esdaile wrote a book, Mesmerism in India! This is a fascinating read right from the Editor’s preface, in which the editor hypnotizes a friend with insomnia who then refuses to come out of trance. Cultural factors convinced ors probably contributed to Esdaile’s success. Esdaile says “the people of this part of the world seem to be peculiarly sensitive to the mesmeric power” and says “the success I have met with is mainly to be attributed […] to my patients being the simple, unsophisticated children of nature.” Esdaile’s authority as a doctor and the population’s general acceptance of hypnosis may have done most of the work for him. Esdaile also describes a magician in Bengal and they compare methods, and Esdaile allows that “if these charmers ever do good by such means, it is by the Mesmeric influence, probably unknown to themselves.” The magician, presenting himself as a subject, said afterward “it is allowed that you put me to sleep.” So both recognize the other as using different means to the same ends.

On the part of Braid, it’s clear that although he was familiar with Hindu Yoga, he was extremely skeptical: “So much for the lively fancy and fervid faith of these religious enthusiasts, during their dreams, in the state of self-induced hypnotism, through fixing their thoughts or sight upon some part of their own bodies, or on some ideal [i.e., imaginary] or inanimate objects, and holding their breath, or suppressing their respiration.”

Braid’s experience is on the nose. Trying to find a direct line between hypnosis and meditation is a mess, because there are so many pathways into the mental state, and they are deeply entangled in the context of a particular religious or mystical framework. The powers of imagination and belief will do the rest. A person is hypnotized because they believe that they are hypnotized.

This has larger epistemic implications. Hypnosis itself may be inextricably bound to culture. You can’t do a hypnosis experiment without invoking the concept of “experiment” and the scientific tradition behind it. All the theories of hypnosis put together still operate within a “hypnotherapist” or “hypnotist” Western role, and Kihlstrom’s Third Way explicitly defines hypnosis “simultaneously as both a state of (sometimes) profound cognitive change, involving basic mechanisms of cognition and consciousness, and as a social interaction, in which hypnotist and subject come together for a specific purpose within a wider socio-cultural context.”

Summary

Hypnotism can be interpreted as a synthesis of rhetoric and meditation.  On the part of rhetoric, it can be traced fairly directly back to Gorgias.  On the part of meditation, although it’s possible to define hypnotism as a particular form of meditation, I was unable to find a good historical precedent for a goal-oriented meditation.  My theory as to why meditation does not have a historical precedent is based around the formulation of meditation in a cultural context, and the idea of hypnosis as a problem-solving activity is in itself very specifically tied to Western culture.

[thetygre]

 30 Day Monster Challenge 2 - Day #4: Favorite Mummy

1.) Imhotep (Arnold Vosloo)

There’s something to be said for loss of Boris Karloff’s tragedy and nuance with the 1999 Imhotep, but you know what else Boris Karloff’s mummy didn’t have? Style, baby. And reboot Imhotep had style for days. Summon the plagues of the Old Testament, raise more mummies from the dead, shape the very elements to his will; Imhotep was a force. Could that same character have been done with more subtlety and a deeper backstory? Yes, of course. But the real question is; would it have been as fun?

Also, let’s talk about character design here. Mummies don’t really offer a broad range of options in terms of character design. No matter how much jewelry or old robes you put on them, they’re always going to be covered in bandages. But the reboot, like Karloff, got around that by offering different designs and costumes for different states of regeneration. Starting with a desiccated corpse and evolving to a full-blown high priest, with each stage having its own personality. My personal favorite is probably the second form, with the mask. Masked undead are always a little bit extra creepy. The ability to fit that much creativity into the character design ties to the spectacle of Imhotep as a villain, and that, more than anything, is the character’s strength.

2.) Imhotep (Boris Karloff)

Karloff’s mummy is the mature one, the sympathetic one. If the mummy as a monster can be said to have tragedy or deeper meaning, than Karloff embodies that in his character. His Imhotep is a man lost in time, desperate to reconnect to the world he is lost. But at the same time, he is very much a monster; he is a punishment for disturbing the past. Mummies are ultimately rooted in Gothic horror, and, similar to ghosts, remind us of the horror of history and the sins of our ancestors. In addition, mummies, like Frankenstein’s monster, are born from man attempting to meddle with things that humanity simply is not meant to know, whether that’s knowledge or literally just going into somewhere with a big ‘keep out’ sign. Karloff’s mummy conveys both aspects of the mummy creature as an archetype. It’s just, y’know, he doesn’t breathe locusts or summon sandstorms.

3.) Tomb Kings (Warhammer)

This might be kind of cheating since the Tomb Kings are as much skeletons as they are mummies, but they’re all generally ancient Egyptian themed. While they lack that certain punch that their 40k equivalent the Necrons have, the Tomb Kings make up for it in aesthetic. Even the most basic soldiers are dressed up in bronze and gold. On top of that, Tomb Kings aren’t just human mummies either; horses, scorpions, and even sphinxes are all part of the Tomb Kings’ forces. The Tomb Kings are a demonstration of just what can be done with the idea of mummies when you put your imagination into it.

4.) The Arisen (Mummy: The Curse)

The late child of the New World of Darkness, the Arisen are the preserved mages of an ancient magical empire that existed in Earth’s prehistory. The Arisen are a blend of Karloff and Vosloo, mixing spectacular magical powers with the somber reality of the passing of time. Each Arisen can rise from their slumber for only brief periods of time, and each time they lose a little more of their memories. They are some of the most powerful, indestructible entities in the World of Darkness, but they have to operate on a time limit. It’s the idea of how unfathomably ancient the Arisen are that gets me; predating humanity, watching all civilization rise and fall. It takes the idea of mummies as guardians to an entirely new level.

5. ) The God of the Valley (Discworld)

It’s kind of hard to talk about this one for spoilery reasons. Pyramids has mummies galore in it, but there are a few that stand out. But this one makes us think about how mummies can reflect aspects of even modern culture. He makes us question things like duty, responsibility, and tradition. The borderline between ritual, respect, and insanity isn’t always as clear as we would like it to be, and it’s even more complicated when that ambiguity is simultaneously toxic and necessary. Also, for aforementioned spoilery reasons and just a general lack of fan art for the Pyramids Discworld novel, no pic unfortunately.

6.) The Boneguard (Tailchaser’s Song)

Cat mummies! Tailchaser’s Song is a cat-focused fantasy, complete with an evil cat Sauron figure. Said evil cat overlord has a variety of minions, and his most disturbing are a group of apparently undead cats with psychic powers. While described more skeletal than desiccated, they’re given Egyptian names like ‘Bast-Imret’ which gives a pretty obvious nod to their inspiration. It’s well known the ancient Egyptians mummified cats as sacred animals, and I’m glad I was able to see something interesting and kind of creepy actually done with the idea.

7.) Saint Hakushin (Inuyasha)

Our first non-Egyptian mummy is a monster-of-the-week that I only even know about by chance from a random episode of Inuyasha. Hakushin is a sokushinbutsu, the mummified remains of a Buddhist priest who entered a state of mummification while still alive and then died from asceticism. Hundreds of monks have tried this process, but only a few have ever actually succeeded. Hakushin demonstrates that the idea of the mummy is not exclusive to Egypt, both as a death ritual and as usage for a monster. Mummies are universally uncanny in whatever culture they appear in, while at the same time evoking reverence and fascination.

8.) The Dead Ones (The Halloween Tree)

These mummies come to us from the catacombs of Mexico. The environment of the city of Guanajuato lends itself to a natural process similar to embalmment, preserving bodies in pristine condition. They are easily the most horrifying mummies I have ever seen, with their faces contorted by postmortem shifting. Ray Bradbury saw them once, and they terrified him out of Mexico. At the end of Ray Bradbury’s The Halloween Tree, our cast of characters is confronted with the catacombs and have to race through the mummies to save their friend. The book’s first adventure is actually in ancient Egypt in the tomb of a pharaoh, so this serves as a potent contrast. Egyptian mummies are created intentionally, made out of reverence and respect. But the mummies of Guanajuato were made by accident, unearthed when their families could not or would not pay the burial tax on their graves. They are a harsh reminder on the reality of death, a confrontation with what becomes of us after we are put in the earth, and something that is inevitable for everyone.

9.) The Fallen One (SyFy Channel Movie)

Giant mummy of a nephilim! First off, again, I love the idea of monster mummies made from something other than humans. Giants have an extra layer because it makes you imagine how bizarre the actual process of mummification must have been. This thing’s brain must have weighed at least twelve pounds and been the size of a pumpkin, but it was still pulled out through its nose by a hook. There’s also the ties to conspiracy theory lore here. The nephilhim, giants, and their remains have a significant theory in conspiracy lore, whether they’re the products of fallen angels, aliens, or both. And there’s only one thing to do with an idea that crazy; make a horror monster out of it! I don’t give a toss about the movie. It was so crappy I couldn’t even find a screenshot for it. You’ll have to settle for this giant mummy from Gatchaman instead.

10.) Mummy Gundam (G Gundam)

It counts. G Gundam was a trip, y’all. This is literally an old Pharaoh Gundam (there were multiple) that was destroyed in combat, mummified, and then resurrected by the Devil Gundam, giving it magic powers like bandage control and regeneration. Its pilot was mummified too, so there was just a straight-up mummy in bandages doing martial arts in the cockpit. See what I mean about this show being wild? I just love the image of a giant mech rising out of a sandstorm, like a piece of the landscape itself, combined with a mummy coming back for revenge. The gundam was never even alive and it still came back from the dead like some angry, vengeful god. That’s just straight up stupid fun.

[loudlydeliciouschill]

Those bluest skies above me (part 2)

Long before the internecine war broke out and the world of dino-folks and fiery creatures were not separated by walls and strife, these two worlds coexisted in a balance that the elders helped to support, descending to these creatures from the hidden Star Valley where never was the foot of darkness and evil. They were ancient as the dragons themselves creatures of the universe - the phoenixes.

This race was not famous for sociability or friendliness, but they never refused to help those who needed and deserv it. They believed that peace of spirit and purity of thoughts is the main aspect of harmonious existence.

With rare exception, every major city was inhabited by at least one phoenix, serving as a voice of justice and mercy, helping in times of need and protecting civils from dark magic. But over the years, the creatures they volunteered to protect and help became embittered. Cruelty and immorality began to cover the minds and hearts of the inhabitants of these worlds, they were increasingly moving away from the magical world, losing magic itself. Because of this they gradually ceased to hear the voice of the phoenix, began afraid or avoid them, sometimes hurt and kill them. Therefore, these magical creatures began to return home, fearing for their lives and magical powers, which rapidly began to leave them after the last wizards disappeared among the dino-people.

However, there were those who believed that these unfortunates should not be left to the mercy of fate and remained, losing the support of their fellows and slowly fading away in a cruell world. One of these was Funn Hua - a wise and kind woman who was famous among her relatives for her gift. She was "contemplating time" - it means she could see the fate of anyone and help them change the fate in the right moment. But many years after the magic left the world ang souls of dino-folks, her gift lost its clarity, becoming more like vague visions of the future, interspersed with speculation and dreams. But Funn Hua didn't retreat and tried as hard as she could to keep faith in the light and good in a small village that was in the farthest province of the world of dino's. With varying success, she make it, but local residents still avoided Hua and because of that she was forced to live away from the village only occasionally visiting the local market and old-timers, who still treated her with respect.

But in this world came another misfortune. In the midst of autumn, the cold and frost unprecedented for these world fell on the lands of fire creatures and dinos. Snow fell almost around the clock, covering the houses untill you could see only the roof. The wind mercilessly made his way under the clothes and closed windows. The sun disappeared under a dark curtain of cumulus clouds. Wells, rivers, roads, cultivated fields, some animals - all of this froze. Winter was killing not only livestock and crops, but also the population. The worlds fell into despair. Lacked everything: food, firewood, clothing, shelter. Discontent and rebellion flared up everywhere for any heat and its source. Funna, using the remnants of her magic, made small heaters for the inhabitants - a tiny light sharpened in a glass bottle and eating everything that was placed in it. Temporarily this was enough, but things were even worse with food. People were starving, there was nowhere to wait for help.

And the terrible happened - in almost every town or village, it was possible to find abandoned eggs frozen in snow and ice. Children who were not even given a chance to appear from the desire not to starve them and others. The cruel mercy that Funn Hua didn't support. If she could she would punish everyone who trowed their future child on the cold.

Thus in the evenings she went around the village with concealed fear, looking for "abandoned" in the snow. For all the time of the beginning of a long winter, she found about five of these, but it was impossible to save them, no matter how hard she tried.

And when one evening five months after the onset of a sudden winter and daily urgent conversations with the young villagers about responsibility and mercy, she was returning home after a detour and she found still warm egg in the snow. Funa hurried to get it at home. She wouldn't have noticed it in the gathering twilight and raging blizzard if she hadn't stumbled over it, almost crushing them. The egg was delivered to a warm house at the time the blizzard started to grow stronger, washed and arranged near an enchanted fireplace, wrapped in several blankets. That was a regular monochrome burgundy egg like raptors with wavy gold splashes, like the Tyrexes. Having lived among dino-people for a long time, Hua perfectly distinguished their types and physiology, from which the egg surprised her even more. Nearby didn't live a single predatory species of dinosaurs, the village was entirely of uranos (uranosaurus) and bront's (brontosaurus). And because of the frosts, no one traveled to these regions, on the contrary, every dino-folk strove to the capital of the world, where, according to rumors, they coped with misfortune better than in the provinces. Small carts with provisions, clothing and firewood were brought from there. Could they, along with food supplies, also deliver an egg? No, it would have frozen even long before coming here, and it was warm when Hua found it. So there is someone has lost it because of the blizzard and probably they doesn't find a place for theemself because of the fright. Phoenix only could suggest there was a pregnant woman who had probably given birth on the road and could have arrived with supplies carts. This guessing confirmed the size and bright color of the egg.

The next day, Funa tried to find that awkward mother, but not a single woman was suitable in appearance and age, just as no one had come to the village for a long time and no one was passing through. On the request to accept the egg, everyone refused. Their children have nothing to eat, and they must feed someone else child? No way! In confusion, the phoenix returned home, with a chuckle calling the egg "the star that fell on my head."

Thus, the foundling remained with Funn Hua, who was filled with sympathy for the future orphan. What to do with the baby when he or she hatched she did not know, a little afraid to think about it. But Hua couldn’t throw him/her out into the cold. Something prompted her that it was a fateful meeting. The egg didn't cause troubles, basking peacefully in an improvised nest of pillows and blankets next to the fireplace. So that he/she does not feel lonely and abandoned, Funn Hua talked with them, gently touched the rough shell with the tips of her fluffy fingers and took the egg to bed on particularly scary nights. Without noticing it, she became attached to her/him every day more and more. For too long, Hua was by herself, at a distance from everyone, from her kind, forgotten and alone. And for her this “gift” became a temporary salvation. At least she thought it was temporary. Until the spring is coming. Until help is coming.

So when after three more months a crackling sound came from a pile of blankets and pillows, Hua panicked. The egg jumped on the spot from which it rolled closer to the fireplace, where the little fighter continued the unequal battle with a hard shell. Funna was fascinated and silently watched the process of birth. She knelt next to the egg that was spinning in place, not daring to intervene in the process. And when the crackling suddenly stopped and the egg became silent too, she was frightened.

- Come on, baby, just a little bit left. Try again, - she whispered, with shaken wings putting the egg on a blanket so that it would not roll away again.

After a few minutes of weary silence, scuffling resumed. Hua sighed with relief. Finally, the shell cracked and a tiny foot appeared in the light, which immediately disappeared inside to punch shell again in another place.

Once, second and third time.

Then a large piece flies to the side and a tiny creature rolls out onto a blanket. The first thing Hua noticed is that the child was not naturally small for such a big egg. However, they clearly did not feel any discomfort or embarrassment, sprawling on their back, joyfully waving their tiny paws and mumbling on their own language, obviously happy to see her.

Taking child in her arms, she began to examine them carefully. That was a boy. With tiny legs and arms with small claws; with light orange skin; he hasn't have yet a protective plates on the body; no shell and scales; with a short but joyfully wagging tail; he has sly yellow eyes with vertical pupils, like any other reptile or dino-folk have, which was curiously looking all around; and with still soft, but completely obvious horn on the head.

The kid looked like a cross between fire raptors and how strange it is for the dragons Peace Keepers. Perhaps he was a half-breed, which more fully explained his slightly different appearance from ordinary dino-creatures. But his size ... The baby was half the size of any dragon and three times smaller than any raptor child. Funna suggested that because of the mixing of blood, the baby didn't go through a full cycle of formation. The raptors were born within three-four months after the egg was taken down. With dragons was different; babies could sit in an egg for more than a few years before hatching.

From her thoughts she was pulled out by a quiet adorable sneeze from a slightly frozen child, who by surprise coughed and clumsily waved his paws near his nose. Hua looked at him sadly. Not a dragon, not a raptor, not a lizard. Different. Alien.

- You are someone completely new and unknown to this world, - she said softly, bringing baby to her face.

He grunted happily, clinging his fingers to her clothes and looking into her eyes. For her he look adorable, but for others...

Poor child. The world of dino-creatures will not accept him. No one in this decaying world will accept him like ... equal. Normal.

Unknown parents doomed him to die by the mere fact of his birth. From this thoughts, Funna's heart sank and tears flowed from her eyes. Hands themselves pressed the child to her chest, next to a pounding heart. With her own hands, she wanted to hide him from the cold claws of "reality." From pain that other creatures would cause him.

That was not fair. It was dishonest and cruel to a innosent creature that was just born. He didn't deserve such a fate.

Abandoned. Helpless. Infinitely lonely kid.

- And what should I do with you, sweet pea? - asked Hua to the empty house and the child, who was silently looking at her chewing her closes.

In response, she could only hear the measured crackling of burning logs and ticking of the clock on the wall. Hua sudenlly raised her head.

The storm outside... subsided? That couldn't be! Looking out the window, she can't believe her eyes. The snow stopped pouring, the clouds gradually dissipated and the sun ... It reappeared in the sky, which quickly acquired blue tones.

Funna mysteriously smiled at the lightening sky, gently running her fingers over the top of child's head, who cozily curled into a ball in her hands, clinging to chest next to her heart.

- It seems the sky has really sent you to brighten up our loneliness, - she began quietly. - I am so sorry that the beginning of your life turned out to be so sad, but I promise you that I will try to light your way in this gloomy and cruel world. I will be there until the last remnants of my magic die out in me. I will love you as my own baby, whom I have never had. I will guard you against all misfortunes and sorrows, - Hua tenderly and gently pressed his little head to her lips, whispering these more important words in her life. - As long as I live, you are my son, and I am your mother. My sweet baby. My Ripto.

~~~

- Look, dear, what a sky above us.

- Blue! Big! Bright!

- That's right, sweet pea. And one day everyone will know that's you who made this miracle happend. Those bluest skies above you.

[beyondcuckoo]

Reincarnated Pathways has been published on Elaine Webster - https://elainewebster.com/reincarnated-pathways/

New Post has been published on https://elainewebster.com/reincarnated-pathways/

Reincarnated Pathways

Shared from Mu the Motherland: There’s a lingering memory, an experience, that stays with me from my childhood. I’m not sure exactly how old I was at the time, maybe seven or eight—not long after my family moved from Manhattan to Queens in NYC. I remember that I had recently made my first communion at the local Catholic church when I began to feel frightened by the idea of death. Most nights left me tossing and turning, afraid that if I fell asleep, I would somehow disappear. One night, however, as I gazed out the bedroom an image appeared—not so much an image, but a solid person waving and smiling as if to say, no worries, I’m here.

Through the years, I’ve thought about the encounter, remembering the calm that pervaded the room as the bald, round-faced man gazed at me with gentle kindness. Recently, and what brings me to write this, is an episode on the History Channel about a woman, Omm Sety (Dorothy Eady 1904 -1981), who dedicated her life to Egyptology, specifically the study of the Temple of Seti at Abydos, where she said she once lived. There is much written about Omm Sety and I recommend a book by Jonathan Cott, “The Search For Omm Sety”, which is a fascinating account of her life and her encounters with King Seti I, supposedly in person, in the flesh, romantically through astral travel. Normally, I would file this as simply interesting, but what grabbed me, was that the image shown of King Seti’s mummy closely resembled the man I saw as a child in my window.

The Edgar Cayce readings (available from the Association for Research and Enlightenment, A.R.E) say that ancient Egypt was a colony of Atlantis before its cataclysmic demise and remained a powerful world influencer throughout its history. While fascinated with Egyptian history, I don’t feel that I lived at that time, which makes my childhood vision confusing. Instead, I feel more connected to Lemurian influences and the pre-history conflicts with Atlantis which caused planetary chaos.

A belief in reincarnation fuels my interests and studies, however, you need not believe in it to consider how our actions affect the planet’s future and spiritual advancement. History repeats itself to allow our souls to progress through the Yugas—A Hindu term that defines the four steps in mankind’s development. In our current position in Kali Yuga, living is hard, but the lessons and rewards are great. Some similarities between the pre-destruction time of Atlantis and Lemuria:

High technology and science are predominant.

Religious thought struggles and is often falsified then used to control the weak-minded.

Money and wealth are king, with little regard to Karmic (the law of cause and effect) consequences.

Those in power lie, cheat and steal to further unholy agendas.

Planetary abuse in the forms of waste, pollution, carbon emissions etc. create increased weather extremes, shortages, and natural disasters.

Earth changes create famine, destruction of habitats, and a vast migration of peoples escaping unhealthy and dangerous situations.

WAR!

However, before we get all hung up on the negative, remember that we have the free will, to do it differently. We are God’s children with a divine right to everything we need to return to higher planes and ways of thinking. We struggle with dualities: right/wrong, good/evil, rich/poor, love/hate etc. Which way will we go? I like to think that we’ll make it through, but not without tremendous effort and above all else, love.

So, what’s to be done? The signs are there, but it’s not as simple as living “Green”, although common sense dictates that we need to clean up our environmental act. But let’s look back at the commotion and chaos that destroyed civilization during the last Yuga cycle. Information from the Cayce readings, and elsewhere suggest that high technology—not evil in itself—created a scenario where humankind was capable of mass destruction, which apparently backfired way beyond what was imagined. The Hopi Elders say that someone “pushed the wrong button”. Other religious texts talk about great floods, mass migrations, and folks moving underground. (Check out the underground city of Elengubu, known today as Derinkuyu.) Many cultures speak about places of emergence whenever the coast was clear. No matter what you feel is true, there is still no denying that we are at a crossroads.

One of the goals of the “Mu the Motherland” is to help us to calm down and take a look around—setting aside our differences and focusing on our strengths. The political world is divided, more or less in half, which sets the stage for civil unrest, cultural division, religious fanaticism, and wars. We can counteract by broadening our horizons and accepting our neighbors. Which brings me to immigration. The world is still large enough to accommodate populations if we work towards common sense goals. Primal instincts set us up to fight to hold on to territories and repel invaders. However, people are on the move and letting individuals and families die at border crossings, at sea, in deserts etc. is not an option. The issues are complicated, but they can be figured out. Bottom line—violence is never a solution—love is the answer. Peace.

Image Source: Roland Unger, CC BY-SA 3.0, via Wikimedia Commons

[kvotheunkvothe]

What the Fuck Am I Reading: The Bear and the Nightingale, and Sleeping Beauties

The Bear and the Nightingale, by Katherine Arden, is a novel with the feel of an old Russian fairy tale. The protagonist is a witchy girl who learns the old ways of appeasing and (in some cases) befriending the various spirits and creatures that inhabit her home and woods. However, the old ways are being abandoned by most everyone else, partially as a result of her step-mom--who also has the Sight but is terrified of everything as a result, always screaming about demons--but mostly because a priest comes and convinces them to. He comes at a very inconvenient time because this ancient evil thing is awakening and growing stronger, and is using this as an opportunity to break free. It was an entertaining book, but it didn’t really capture my imagination or heart. Still, not bad.

Sleeping Beauties is by Stephen King and Owen King. Essentially, in a single day, all the women in the world who fall asleep become enshrined in these cocoons. If anyone tries to open the cocoons, the women become vicious and sleep-walk/murder whoever woke them, and then go back to sleep. Well, I say “sleep.” Their minds are all apparently in this other plane, sort of like the distant-future, where they’re just rebuilding a new civilization for themselves. Meanwhile, the men left behind (and few women struggling to stay awake) are kind of losing their shit, and there’s all kinds of murders and mayhem, including roves of men who are just lighting the cocoons on fire. There’s also this otherworldly woman, Evie Black, who has apparently set all this into motion and is holed up at the prison. When some people hear rumors she can fall asleep and not turn into a cocoon, they become obsessed with getting to her, to study or something. The book is filled with expected King-isms. Particularly in how goddamn fast people turn into howling mobs and posses. Like, the whole damn book takes place in, what, a week? There’s also all kinds of serendipity for the sake of plot, guys without a decent bone in their bodies, extraordinary violence. The book was okay, somewhat entertaining, I guess. But I have some criticisms I think I’ll stick a spoiler on: [SPOILERS: frankly, the whole Evie plot line felt like unnecessary crap because they weren’t sure how else to create tension. This book would have been infinitely more interesting if it wasn’t just another damn vigilante-justice apocalypse shoot-out, and if they’d paid a little more attention as to how men might realistically try get along with every single woman suddenly gone. If they wanted to leave in the roving bands of shitty assholes who were murdering the cocooned women still, okay, but making it all about One Supernatural Giggly Bint everyone’s fascinated with was just... dull. And then that standoff also just kind of ended? I also think they vastly overestimate how much the women would miss this world. Or how quickly they’d reach a decision. Some of them who left behind little boys, yeah maybe. But they needed unanimous agreement, and they reached it in the first meeting? You think if I had the opportunity to live in an overgrown wilderness without a man in sight and got to rebuild civilization with a bunch of cool ladies that I’d be rushing the fuck back here? Bitch. Please. I think I would’ve enjoyed this book a lot more if they’d said “nah” and they’d explained how that turned out. Or if they’d emerged from their cocoons with like new powers or something. Or even if the book went into much detail as to how/if the world changed because of this event, because I didn’t get the impression you got much more than a few guys saying “gorsh, guess I need anger management. And we need daycares.” Like, uh, okay then, is that it? SPOILERS END]. Ultimately, this book felt a little like The Stand, but, like, mostly just the Captain Trips part and then when they were in Colorado and King didn’t didn’t know what the fuck to do with them so he threw in a bomb. This needed another round of edits, I think. But it was fine, I guess.

[suns-of-the-desert]

Prologue

(FFN)

Prologue | ==>

Many people would say that a desert is the opposite of an ocean. To them, oceans are plentiful and teeming with life where deserts are sparse, barren wastelands.

Those people have never spent a night under a desert moon, letting the heat seep out of their skin like water from a natural spring. Those people have never watched the sands shift to erase the hoof-prints of hundreds of sheep and camels, or spotted a myriad of small lizards burrowing their way beneath the grains to keep cool. Those people have never danced around the midnight fire, singing praises to unseen benefactors as the wild dogs howl in tandem. Perhaps, Trisha Elric thought, that was why her people were considered subhuman by so many others. The Amestrians, the Cretans, the Aerugans... to them, the Ishvalan people were sandswept barbarians, religious cultists with unnatural silver-white hair, unusual sun-dark skin, and unsettling blood-red eyes. They didn't bother to learn that the desert race was gifted with hair of silver by Ishvala Herself, as a sign of Her favor. They didn't know that the rich caramel of their skin was a blessing from the Sun, claiming them as Her children. They didn't care that Ishvalans took pride in their eyes, in the blood - the life-water - they resembled.

It was unfortunate, she supposed, but she didn't mind too much. She was used to the pattern, after all. Every once in awhile, outsiders would stop in the fallen city where Trisha's community made their home. Some would respect their ways and their heritage. They were usually the Xingese; from one honorable and traditional people to another, the respect was strong and mutual. Usually, though, the strangers would balk at the sight of the ruins' inhabitants. Many would take the offered food, water, and shelter, but would leave as soon as they were rested, and would avoid any unnecessary contact. Some went as far as to leave before they could even get that much. Trisha found herself worrying about those the most. This was how it had been for as long as she could remember. In fact, it had been that way for longer than Trisha's grandmother's grandmother could remember. It could be assumed that it would continue similarly forever. Except... it didn't. It all changed with the man made of gold. When he arrived, he did so quietly. A single figure in the sands, with nothing but the bag on his back and a battered traveling cloak slung around his shoulders, he was nearly missed by the morning watch. He was mild-mannered, and could even be called awkward or shy. He insisted on staying in the city for only a week or two, and the Ishvalans accepted the words, thinking him to be another simple, albeit kind, traveler. And then he spoke of the Arts.

This was how Trisha first met him, impossibly golden eyes alight with joy and fascination as he spoke of their wonders. He would start out with uncertainty, quietly insisting that the Arts were more than the evils of alchemy, that they asked instead of taking, working with nature instead of against it. He would grow more animated, more impassioned, telling anyone who happened to be in earshot about how the Arts could heal and fix and grow. And then, as if guilty for his happiness, he would withdraw, but Trisha could still see the dancing flame of his excitement hidden behind glass lenses. It was the passionate fire in his soul she first fell in love with. After that, it was only a matter of time before she lost herself to admiration. Like a house of cards, it took just one little shift for her restraint to crumble. From her love for the fire, she noticed the lack of it. She noticed his serene calm as he wrote in his many journals, and the quiet blissful smile that settled on his face when he listened to the prayer songs. Before long, she found herself adoring this side of him just as much as the other.

It was a long time before she noticed what lay beneath the fire and the calm. It took nearly a year - during which he made several attempts to leave again for his travels, but ended up returning to the ruins in a few short days - before she even suspected that the golden man who was quickly becoming hers was much more than a man and much less content than she believed. It was late at night, on a fallen pillar they made a habit of stargazing from, that he spoke in a tone she had never heard him use before. With eyes still trained to the lights above, Trisha might not believe he had spoken at all if she hadn't heard him so clearly. "Trisha, my dear, I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner." She'd smiled at him, though she felt confused and wary. "Tell me what, Van Hohenheim?" "This was my home, once. A very, very long time ago."

And then he told her everything. He told her about a plot four centuries old, about a red stone of life and death, about the doom of the kingdom whose skeleton her people lived within. She listened to his words, yes, but she also listened to the way he said them. Guilt, grief, and pain dripped from every syllable, blood from an invisible wound. In time, she came to love this side of him, too: a lonely man filled with unjust self-loathing, someone who felt unworthy of any blessings Ishvala saw fit to bestow. She fell in love with the weakness just as much as she already had with the gentle strength. Perhaps, Trisha Elric thought, this was the man she would give her name for if the circumstances had been any different. If he was free from his burdens, one day, and took the time to be recognized in the name of Ishvala and Her people, it really could happen. Until that day, though, she was content to stand by his side. She didn't care about the dishonor it could bring her - if there was any, as Ishvala had already blessed her days with Hohenheim - she found joy and purpose in her place there.

She found more of it when she bore their sons, such small beings to hold the blood of two ancient and powerful desert civilizations in their veins. Edward with his dusty platinum blond hair and his father's piercing golden eyes, Alphonse with the silver hair of Ishvala and eyes of warm bronze... they were children of precious blood, naturally decorated with equally precious metallic colors. Yes, Trisha Elric decided - standing in the ruins of a fallen time, beside a golden immortal, with her arms filled with the promise of the future - no matter what trials may lie ahead, this desert would be a place blessed with life.

(Word Count: 1153)

[anthonianrhapsody-blog]

And the Best MCU Film is...

by Captain

Admit it. When the leaked footage of the Avengers: Infinity War trailer came out, you did one of four things:

1. Weep like a baby when Peter said “I’m sorry” to Tony; 2. Scream your lungs out when Steve (beard and all) came out; 3. Let out a big “oooohhhh” when Thanos hurled down that planet; 4. All of the above

As a crossover of 10 years’ worth of cinematic storylines, this mega-event of a movie is unprecedented. Before Infinity War drops next May (which is just 7 months away, but it SURE feels like an eternity away), let’s tackle a question that will trigger debates, challenge friendships, and even put marriages (!) to the test.

What is the best film in the Marvel Cinematic Universe?

Before you blast this blog away with a Jericho missile (hats off to you if you got that reference), the writer would like to set a few parameters.

First, I’ll make it a top 5 list for better chances of acknowledging your favorite. Okay? Y’all happy?

Second, this article will cover only the first 16 MCU films—that is, the ones that have already been released at the time that this article has been published. Unfortunately, I have no Ancient One-like powers to look into the future. My list might very well be obliterated by upcoming flicks like Thor: Ragnarok and Black Panther (watch out for the reviews! ☺). Also, I won’t be factoring in TV and Netflix content like Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. and the Defenders series. Different medium, different criteria.

Lastly, and speaking of criteria, allow me to declare my standards for film quality. (Feel free to argue with my rubrics in the comments section, but this is my list, so tough luck.) My biggest considerations are plot and characterization. As in, how good is the story that unfolds in the film? How developed are the character arcs and motivations, and why should I care about them? I also care about effectiveness of acting, visual spectacle, quality of shots and editing, and impact of auditory effects.

With that out of the way...

HONORABLE MENTIONS: Captain America: Civil War (epic airport scene vs. wildly impossible coincidences); Avengers: Age of Ultron (messy in places, but it’s just a special thing when Avengers assemble); the first Thor film (an underrated movie...shout-out to Tom and Kenneth)

Raise your right hand if you knew who Star-Lord and Gamora were three years ago. Raise your left hand if you were also aware that they were not in the original Guardians line-up in the comics. No hands raised? Then you’re just like the thousands of moviegoers who were pleasantly surprised by this franchise in 2014. With the careful handling of director James Gunn, this movie featuring C-list Marvel heroes captured the hearts of comic book die-hards and casual MCU fans alike. Guardians’ strongest suit is its comedy—Rocket Racoon’s unstoppable mouth, Drax the Destroyer’s dry humor (made special by wrestler-turned-actor Dave Bautista), and Peter Quill’s dancing-out-of-nowhere in the movie’s climax. And of course...I am Groot, ‘nuff said.

Throw in the brilliance of the film’s color palette and the soundtrack known as “Awesome Mix Vol. 1,” and you could say that it’s hard to find fault with this flick. But I do have (gasp!) a minor gripe. The film’s third act is all about the Guardians protecting the planet of Xandar from Ronan the Accuser, who wields the might of the destructive Power Stone. Problem is, the Xandarians weren’t given quite enough screen time. Every time I watch the film, I think to myself, “Who are these guys?” Sure, there are images of Xandarian families and children scurrying for their lives, but I just wish the development of these ‘sympathetic’ figures had been better.

That, frankly, is my only problem with an otherwise colorful, highly lovable film. As you’ll see, the next film did not commit the Xandar mistake.

#4: ANT-MAN (2015)

“So I’m at this art museum with my cousin Ignacio, right? And there was this, like, abstract impressionism exhibit. But you know me, I’m more like a Neo-Cubist kind of guy...”

Impossible as it sounds, these lines managed to make people laugh. Thanks, Michael Peña! Just like Guardians, the 2015 flick Ant-Man proved that Marvel Studios can do comedy effectively. Beyond its penchant for humor—as well as its dazzling array of museum-worthy visual effects—Ant-Man also got story-telling right. Any human being can relate to Scott Lang’s quest for redemption after his three-year prison sentence. The film tugs at your heartstrings every time Scott interacts with his daughter Cassie. And the film makes you hold your breath during the climax, when Scott sacrifices himself to save Cassie from the villain Yellowjacket. (Spoiler: Scott survived.)

Yellowjacket, however, is a testament to the widely discussed “MCU villain problem.” For all the wonderful heroes that Marvel Studios has brought to life, there is also a legion of antagonists that the MCU films have failed to maximize. In Ant-Man, Darren Cross is a rather menacing jerk (thanks to a great performance by actor Corey Stoll). But his screen time as Ant-Man’s evil counterpart could have been fleshed out and extended. As it was, Yellowjacket became just another dispensable villain to join the likes of Ultron, Ronan the Accuser, and Malekith.

But Ant-Man still succeeds because it makes you care greatly about Scott and Cassie. And it is precisely because of this that this film is ranked above Guardians. When you compare the two films, it’s easier to care for a human father and his innocent little daughter than an entire planet of unknown, unfamiliar beings.

#3: SPIDER-MAN: HOMECOMING (2017)

I have to be honest: the subtitle did not work out for me at first. When Marvel and Sony announced that they would be sharing Spidey’s film rights (hallelujah), I was hoping for a comic book-inspired title. Like Sensational Spider-Man or Peter Parker: Spider-Man. I know that the term “Homecoming” has several connotations (such as the Spider-Man character being welcomed back to the fold of Marvel Studios), but it just isn’t fierce enough for a superhero film.

Trust me, that’s about as much I’ll complain about this movie. Because everything else was...amazing.

To begin with, Tom Holland is the perfect actor for the title role. He brought a more youthful vibe to the Peter Parker persona than Tobey Maguire. And he embodied a more light-hearted, wittier Spider-Man than Andrew Garfield. As remarkable as young Mr. Holland’s performance was, the film’s showstopper was veteran actor Michael Keaton. Finally, a well-rounded villain! Keaton brought emotional depth to the role of Adrian Toomes/Vulture, who is effectively portrayed as a blue-collar worker wronged by society’s elite. The rest of the crew is just as outstanding. Robert Downey Jr. (Tony Stark/Iron Man) is used in just enough doses as the hero’s mentor. Jacob Batalon is hilarious as Ned, the techie best friend; while Zendaya is quirky as the mysterious Michelle persona (eventually revealed to be...wait for it...MJ).

Distinguishing itself as a teen movie, Homecoming is a refreshing selection among the grittier grown-ups of the MCU. Take your pick of adolescent drama: Peter’s fixations on his crush, the thrills and frills of weekend parties, the suspense of inter-school competitions. Indeed, this film offers a new flavor among the political thrillers and world-ending catastrophes of Captain America and Thor. The plot keeps you on the edge of your seats from beginning to end (though the climactic battle could have been more, um, climactic). Even the mid-credits scene keeps you fascinated in what happens next (hello, Sinister Six).

This is how good Homecoming is: up until earlier this year, I had a different top 5 list. Captain America: Civil War was on it. When Homecoming came out, Spider-Man swung all the way into my top 3. Tom Holland and co. were so good that there are only two films that they did not displace in my nerdy Marvel heart.

#2: AVENGERS (2012)

Assemble.

This might be more of a sentimental pick—I know that several critics would have Guardians at this spot—but I’m listening to my nerdy heart. In Avengers, several effective elements come together. The best part, of course, is the unprecedented, seamless merging of characters and plot lines. Marvel heroes from a 3-year period of films come together to protect humanity from intergalactic threats. If you faithfully watched the solo Marvel films before viewing Avengers, you were duly rewarded with a satisfying conclusion to Phase 1. If you watched Avengers in isolation, you would still be captivated with the colorful adventure of Earth’s Mightiest Heroes.

And oh boy, how the sparks fly! Even before a single fist landed on a Chitauri cheekbone, the in-fighting among the heroes was fun to watch. The verbal showdown between Cap and Iron Man was fascinating—enough to get everyone excited for a possible Civil War (which happened). Thor vs. Hulk and Thor vs. Tony were exciting heavyweight fights, and the mind-controlled exploits of Hawkeye (who eventually turned into a protagonist) added an extra layer of conflict.

Speaking of conflict, the plot’s intensity keeps the audience hooked from start to finish. The film opens with a car-blowing, Tesseract-grabbing heist perpetuated by Loki, the best MCU villain to date. The action sequences that follow—which include the forest duel and the Helicarrier fiasco—are visual stunners. The climactic Battle of New York is made even more hearstopping when the Avengers have to deal with the alien invasion and the nuclear missile out of nowhere. By the time Mr. Stark wakes up after his heroic sacrifice (with Hulk’s thunderous voice as the alarm clock), the viewer smiles ear-to-ear, satisfied that the good guys prevailed.

We haven’t even touched on the excellent cast—from Downey to Evans, Hiddleston to Ruffalo—as well as the fantastic effects and brilliant musical score. My only nitpick would be the slowing down of the film’s pace during certain expository parts. Perhaps Natasha’s conversation with Dr. Banner could have been just a tad shorter. Other than this, though, I am satisfied with Joss Whedon’s work to the point of considering Avengers a top-of-the-mountain film.

But not the top film.

#1: CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE WINTER SOLDIER (2014)

I will argue all day, any day with anyone who disagrees.

The second Captain America installment is second to none in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Directed by Joe and Anthony Russo, The Winter Soldier is the MCU’s standard-bearer for film quality.

Perhaps the greatest accomplishment of this film is its realistic approach. All the elements of The Winter Soldier make you believe that a “super soldier”—the stuff of comic book lore—can actually trade fists and save lives in a true-to-life episode of political espionage. Chris Evans gives justice to a highly conflicted Cap, who finds his classic American ideals challenged by 21st century US military “values.”

The action sequences are exquisite. The moment you see Cap deliver a spinning heel kick to a pirate (hello, Georges St-Pierre!), you know it’s going to be special. My favorite scene in the entire film was the elevator scene, in which Steve fights about a dozen Hydra henchmen by himself...and wins. The final act of the film is packed with suspense as Cap attempts to deactivate Hydra’s three Helicarriers designed for mass eliminations. But standing in his way—literally, they stood face-to-face on a very narrow passage—is the Winter Soldier, who is revealed to be Steve’s best friend Bucky. Cheesy as it may have been, the line “I’m with you till the end of the line” was a nice touch to the Cap/Steve vs. Winter Soldier/Bucky plotline.

Comrade Barnes may have been the cybernetically-enhanced villain, but Alexander Pierce was a great antagonist as well in the role of the slimy, intelligent bureaucrat. Robert Redford (God bless his kindred soul) proved in this film that he can out-act any performer that Hollywood has to offer. Memorable performances also came from Samuel L. Jackson as Nick Fury, Scarlett Johannson as Black Widow, and Anthony Mackie as Sam Wilson.

As garnish, the Russo brothers added touches of humor and cleverness. Like the running joke of Steve telling Sam “I’m on your left,” or the subtle graveyard reference to Samuel L. Jackson’s role in the cult classic Pulp Fiction, or Steve’s list of pop culture items (Star Wars and Star Trek, anyone?). Indeed, Messieurs Joe and Anthony deserved the call to direct Civil War and the Infinity films.

I can only hope that Infinity War and its sequel (Gauntlet, perhaps?) will live up to their gargantuan hype. But don’t get me wrong: I am highly confident because the directors proved how excellent an MCU film can be when they made Captain America: The Winter Soldier.

Dear readers, what’s your top 5 list? Do you agree or disagree with the list presented above? Let us know in the comments below!

[the-crystal-muse]

Who wants another headcanon, this time about reincarnation?

[Cricket noises]

I’ll take that as a yes. Meet me under the cut for a bare bones theory that’s probably been done a hundred times over. Turns out the Mane Six, plus Starlight and maybe Cadance, are the Avatar. Who knew?

[Warning: Spoilers for Friendship is Magic Comic #25, where the CMC travel through time with Discord, and slight spoilers for Fiendship is Magic #1, Sombra’s backstory.]

This is a simple theory that I’m sure has been done to death. Basically, it goes like this: Each of the Mane Six, plus Starlight Glimmer and possibly even Cadance, have been reincarnated at least once in their existences.

This headcanon comes about from one particular scene in the time traveling comic from the Friendship is Magic series. The CMC and Fluttershy are brought to ancient and lost civilization of Anugypt (Pony Egypt) by Discord. There, they find that Anugypt is ruled by King Anubis, king of the jackals (a species that Discord says is known for being great artists, builders, military strategists, and torturers). His army, comprised of jackals and very disgruntled ponies, seems to rule Anugypt with an iron fist.

Apparently, Discord had helped the cat population of Anugypt, along with their leader Baast, start a rebellion against Anubus, and the group pays the price in the comic. While the rest isn’t too useful, a few importantish things in the comic stood out to me. One of them was this scene.

In this scene, the group is saved by the intervention of Baast’s soldiers, cats that have the same coloring as each of the Mane Six. While they serve little purpose other than a quick cameo, it got me thinking. What if they don’t just look like the Mane Six, but they are the Mane Six? Past lives of the ponies we all know and love?

This was an idea that I’ve been nursing for some time, mostly as a fic concept. Remember the founders of Equestria?

The Founders in the play do act a lot like the ponies chosen to play them. While that could just be that the play’s director has a good eye for casting (I’ll say it was Spike), it just feels like an interesting idea as to why the Mane Six had those specific roles. Plus, Clover the Clever was the student of Star Swirl the Bearded. Maybe this is part of why Twilight’s such a powerful mage, and why she’s so fascinated by who could possibly be her former mentor?

Now, this theory would imply that the Mane Six have had at least two past lives, one as soldiers of a rebellion and one as founders of a nation. I doubt they’d be just randomly reborn for no reason whatsoever. (Well, they could be, but that’s no fun.) So I thought there might be a connection between them. And that connection is their Elements of Harmony!

In Anugypt, Sweetie Belle stumbled upon a set of hieroglyphics regarding King Anubis. These hieroglyphics showed him shadowed by a shadow and holding the moon. Baast later confirmed that his cruelty came out of nowhere, as well as his power. Sweetie quickly deduced that he must have had the power of Nightmare Moon somehow, and that they’d need the power of friendship to defeat him.

(Wow this is a long post.)

So, we have the Mane Six in an ancient civilization as well as one of their most well-known enemies. I think this is because of a concept introduced in Rick Riordan’s Kane Chronicles (appropriately enough, an Egyptian-based series) where the forces of good and evil regularly come into conflict throughout the centuries. In these conflicts, mortals and gods work with or against each other in battles that are practically the same each time. The gods follow old patterns, reliving the same conflicts over and over. The humans are the only ones who change, and as such as the only ones who can ensure the battles have a new outcome each time.

So what if the Mane Six are a part of a similar cycle? They’re the forces of Harmony that are reborn each time a powerful agent of chaos, such as Nightmare Moon, rises. When the Elements are reborn, their job is to restore order to the land. Such as when they saved the CMC, allowing Sweetie Belle to explain how to defeat Anubis. And also when they allowed for the creation of Equestria and the end of hatred between the pony tribes. Perhaps some of the villains our heroes face, such as Nightmare Moon, are recurring cycles that appear every few hundred years to set chaos upon the world, but are eventually defeated by the reborn Elements? The proof can even be found in Anugypt.

Several of the hieroglyphics are actually cutie marks belonging to the Mane Six. Fluttershy’s and Rainbow’s are in the fourth from the left, while Applejack and Twilight’s are on the last one. Rarity and Pinkie’s are found on other panels.

The thing is, cats don’t seem to have cutie marks. For all we know, these are random symbols to them. Maybe it’s part of some prophecy of some sort. Maybe it’s part of their instinct to recognize symbols of the Element bearers. Who knows? But the only reason those should be there are if they have a connection to the Mane Six.

...Or, you know, if the artists wanted a nice background gag. That too.

So, we’ve discussed the Mane Six, but I also promised you guys two other ponies, didn’t I? Cadance and Starlight. Well, let’s start with Starry, since she’s a main cast member and I talk about Cadance enough on this blog that she can wait a few gosh-darn minutes.

So there’s a popular theory out there stating that Starlight Glimmer might be descended from Star Swirl the Bearded himself! I’m not actually sure where the idea came from, but here:

Here’s a post explaining it.

Now, I’m technically fine with the idea in theory. I believe that raw magical ability can be passed down through bloodlines, but the issue is that Star Swirl lived centuries ago. For Starlight to have inherited his magical abilities, the Star family would have had to carefully breed with powerful mages like themselves to ensure their power wasn’t diluted as time went by. That means centuries of only unicorns, and powerful ones at that. I’m not so sure that’s plausible.

Yet, she does have the connection we’ve seen. So what if rather than being descended from Star Swirl (or in addition to), she’s his reincarnation? Maybe he was reborn for a reason. He never did manage to become the mage he hoped, had he? Celestia said that he was never able to complete the Cutie Mark Swap spell (a spell similar to how Starlight had stolen marks), so maybe he felt a need to complete his life’s work? Become a powerful mage, master the one magic he never could: Friendship. So he’s reborn as Starlight Glimmer, a pony that not only ends up learning about the magic of friendship, but does so as the student of none other than the reborn Clover the Clever, his old student.

But what about Cadance? This is purely headcanon really, no concrete evidence of any kind,and it’s just one I came up with while thinking about this blog. But it’s cool to think of so here.

Who knows about Princess Amore?

(Thank goodness a small image. My computer can’t take much more.)

Princess Amore was the ruler of the Crystal Empire before Sombra came along. According to Radiant Hope, a character in Sombra’s backstory, she apparently looks a lot like Cadance herself, and it’s hinted at that they may be related to one another, and even says so on the wiki.

Yeah...Can’t you tell by the uh...Height? They’re totally family.

(Pony genetics are weird.)

Anyways, to make a long story short, Princess Amore is dead. Kinda. In a fit of rage, Sombra used his magic to turn Amore into a dark stone, then shattered her across Equestria. I guess you could say Amore was no-more.

[Cricket Sounds]

...Ahem. Anyways. So Cadance might be descended from Amore. I suppose they do share similarities. Amore has alicorn-like height, has strong connections to hearts (it’s literally all over her design), she hair that I swear defies gravity, and Caddy even has her in the name (Princess Mi Amore Cadenza). So, since I like things being more complicated than they have to be, what if Cadance is Amore reborn, looking for a chance to redeem herself for letting her kingdom fall to the rule of an evil king, hoping to save her people even in another life?

Yeah, that one’s pretty far-fetched, the most of all of them actually, but it’s mostly just a cool concept I considered. I think it’s nice, and while I’m on the bench about Cadance, I think the others have some amount of traction for them. It’s interesting food for thought at least, and it got me to stop thinking about Zebras for at least a few minutes.

So there you have it, my theory about reincarnation in Equestria. Thanks for listening, and see you all later!