#like i really don't know what direction to go anymore cause i still consider myself a buddie shipper

[leslieseveride]

i'm not gonna lie you guys, i'm starting to think i ship bucktommy more than buddie now.

[sirfrogsworth]

The last thing my mom bought me was a fancy A/V receiver. She got some inheritance after her mom passed and wanted to do something nice for me since I took care of her and dad pretty much all by myself.

She died shortly after it arrived and I didn't even take it out of the box for over a year. I didn't hook it up until after my dad died. I don't know why I took so long. I guess for a long time it just didn't feel all that important anymore.

It has a lot of features and a lot of power and it seems really good... on paper.

The plan was to install 4 ceiling speakers and add two more floor speakers to get a 7.1.4 Dolby Atmos experience in my basement bedroom. I would be able to have sound come from literally every direction. (Well, not from below.)

That is still a plan, but I have had to postpone all of that due to budget cuts. The fancy receiver has been relegated to a measly 3.1 experience since I moved upstairs. I'm considering converting the upstairs living room into my home theater instead of my bedroom. I'd have a little more space and higher ceilings for the Atmos speakers, but I'd lose the concrete floor of the basement. So I'd have to figure out how to temper the vibrations of the subwoofer into our creaky floor.

ANYWAY.

The problem is... the actual day-to-day operation of this fancy receiver has been super quirky and frustrating.

The thing people may not realize about high end electronics is that they always have their issues. You'd think they'd be bug-free for that price, but it is usually quite the opposite. You have to figure out what all the bugs are and then research all of the workarounds in forums and eventually you'll learn a workflow to make the device function for your needs.

Part of the reason is that the higher the price, the more features they cram in, the more that can go wrong. But a lot of it is just poor software development. They focus almost all of their attention on getting the hardware right.

It's a maddening troubleshooting process and sometimes makes you want to buy that Sonos crap or maybe even... Bose. *shiver*

But this receiver has been *extra* buggy. I was a little disappointed by this. And I felt guilty for hating this wonderful gift my mom gave me. I have this Yamaha receiver that was a third of the price and it functions wonderfully.

Or maybe I just think that because I've already figured out all the quirks and workarounds.

No, I'm pretty sure the Yamaha has been a fairly smooth experience.

I kinda love my old Yamaha.

And I also love that they make pianos and motorcycles and drums and marching band equipment and sporting goods and boats.

Yamaha was all...

It's just that Yamaha doesn't have the Dirac calibration system included like the Onkyo and everyone on the forums said that was a big deal. So I abandoned the trusty Yamaha brand for Onkyo and it's 130 watts and 11 channels of processing and HDMI 2.1 future proofing.

The other day I noticed something extra weird with the Onkyo. My Nvidia Shield (another amazing yet frustrating device) was outputting a 5.1 signal. But my receiver thought it was stereo.

Another bug.

So I headed to the forums and found the solution. I had to turn off "Dolby processing" in a deep submenu of a submenu in my Shield settings. My receiver already does Dolby processing so I guess I was doing double Dolby processing and that is like crossing the streams in Ghostbusters.

Weirdly, this fixed like half of my issues. I don't know how in the world I was supposed to know this one setting buried deep in the menus was causing all this havoc. But it has made me go from wanting to yeet this thing out the window and get a Bose clock radio... to mostly enjoying the experience of having a fancy receiver.

It still handles HDMI switching as if it is having a stroke, but I have found if you turn everything off and power on the Shield FIRST and then all the other components, I can prevent most of the stroke symptoms.

Though sometimes it takes 3 tries.

Onkyo: SOFTWARE DEVELOPMENT??? WHAT'S THAT??

In any case, THANKS MOM!

I'm sure I will love your gift when I have 12 speakers blaring at me from every direction.

[system-of-a-feather]

[@A -- if that's still a thing]

Um, is it still ok for people to send advice requests? The post I found about it was 4 years old so I'm not sure if that's changed at all (but the fact I was searching deep enough in the persecutors tag to find a 4 year old post probably tells you something).

Like it's great and all to see people talking about how to help hosts connect with persecutors but I never see any advice for the actual persecutors.

I don't want to talk to the rest of my system. I don't want to talk to our friends or our therapist. I don't trust anybody. I hate everybody.

The others keep telling me the "bad stuff" is over and I don't have to keep being a persecutor. But I know better. There are always people just waiting for us to let our guards down. I hate them for being so vulnerable and then when it comes back to bite them, they act like they have any right to be hurt by it.

And they never listen to me. They act like I'M the pathetic one and feel sorry for me, and keep telling me stupid lies. The more they're nice to me the more I don't trust them, same for our friends and therapist. No one is ever nice without an ulterior motive, especially not to people like us who don't even deserve it.

But I feel kinda miserable. I don't really like when I hurt the others. Today I made my in-system big sis cry and she never cries. I feel stuck. I don't want to open up to anybody but I can't figure out the answer by myself.

Don't worry about it, it's cool XD We kinda just float on here to chat about things and are basically always open for casual advice and two cents on things, especially (but not exclusively) related to DID which is / was the obvious original premise of this blog. (also damn we've been running this blog for over four years damn)

Honestly, in our experience persecutors vary greatly related to the specific stuff they've been through, what sort of dynamics are being played with what parts, what situations trigger persecutory behavior, etc so I don't think there is really any "one size fits all" sort of thing I can particularly share.

Instead I can give some food for thoughts from our experiences in our system and you are more than welcome to send another ask if you have any comments or questions or anything on it - cause again, we are just here to sit and chat for the most part.

We have a good few "persecutors" but we also don't really use that as a role label anymore cause in our experience, persecutors just tend to be labeled that as a result of perspective and the direction that life is going which comes with an inherent bias to the host and prominent protecting parts. And due to that perspective and bias approach to the label, it kind of paints one side as the problem and the other side as the victim when really... its just a toxic breakdown of communication and missunderstanding between parts. I'm of the opinion that almost any part in most persecutor/persecutee dynamics (there are exceptions I've heard, but they're not standard) can be framed to be the persecutor OR the persecutee.

As a result, in our system, we comment on a part having "persecutory behavior" or "behaving in a persecutory manner" because it's a common issue a lot of parts in our system have. Some have it more than others, but in our experience, almost all parts have been in a position that could be considered a "persecutor" and that shift in language has honestly helped foster a lot more open dialogue and understanding between parts.

With that said - most of this is going to be things XIV has talked to me about as he actually is an ex "persecutor" part and one that talks and deals with persecutor parts the most as of the last two years - a lot of discussion on both ends tend to focus on the dysfunction and what the persecutor hates about the system or what the system can't stand / cope with regarding a persecutor and while that is TOTALLY fair and valid (shits hard to look past especially if its a large scale safety thing and a frequent thing that comes up), it's often not the most productive approach to the internal conflict

Typically it's a lot more productive to step aside from the surface level "this is dangerous" "this is stupid" "this person is an idiot" "this part is annoying" and the long list of things you hate about the system and specific parts and all the varying-levels-of-based criticisms / complaints and try to figure out and understand what exactly it is that you WANT - what are you looking for - what is driving and motivating your feelings, behavior, thoughts, and stances to all of that.

It's hard to address and satiate a list of the things you Don't Like when you have trauma cause - lets be real, the list is endless and its very easy to find more and more issues. Often beneath that list though, there is a core need, drive, interest, etc that means a lot to you that ties together a lot of why you feel and think the way that you do. If you can identify that core need, drive, and interest, it can really help communication and compromising between parts because more often than not, that core need, drive, and interest is likely compatible with the other part's core need, drive and interest - at least superficially.

If that same grounds can be made, then it can help really get parts hearing each other out because it forms a base of good faith.

It's hard to talk to one another when one part wants - for example - to have a person to love and to be loved and wants to seek out a relationship and ANOTHER part wants to keep things the way they are and wants to keep others away because its safer that way. Those two parts are arguing for incompatible demands and the conflict is not going to really go anywhere

Instead however, if we are talking about one part wanting to be loved and another part wanting safety - well there is a lot more discussion that can be done as to how the system can approach BOTH being loved AND safety.

Of course that requires all parties to be playing with an open mind to some modification to their initial demands and expectations, but it's a general approach that XIV tends to take with parts that are prone or actively behaving in persecutory manners cause it's how he tends to navigate it.

Also this advice isn't really meant to be directed at persecutors or "the other parts" cause again, we don't really see those as clean cut roles and generally think this is a sort of approach and philosophy and methodology that is something that all engaged parts would benefit from reflecting on.

Cause even if you don't like other parts, even if you HATE other parts, if you can clearly identify what it is you need in life and what it is you are driven and motivated by - it is very hard to deny some level of cooperation if the other party is actively offering to help you get the very thing that motivates you. You don't have to like someone to know that - due to sharing a body - having them on your side to get what you want / need is very helpful and important.

So I guess if I had to say any form of advice, I'd kinda want to ask what it is that you want from your life and what does that mean to you and just kinda think on it for some time.

It's more productive to stand for what you care for and need than it is to fight against what you hate.

Anyhow, thats my two cents on it, feel free to follow up if you like. We just like chattering online

[veliseraptor]

Heya! I came across your reply about your unfinished marvel works and what your future plans might be for them as you've left the marvel fandom (which I assume that's the case). It got me thinking - what about certain fandoms or fandoms in general has cemented your decision to leave/exit/stop writing for it? For me (personally) it's Harry Potter. I simply cannot read a fic that so heavily takes and is inspired by the original canon books without this dread in my gut I feel.

I actually don't typically leave fandoms in a very dramatic or final way, generally speaking, and this is one of the reasons why I don't say "I will never come back to this fandom" or "I will never finish this project." I can say it's very unlikely, but the ending of my relationships with fandoms tend to function less like dramatic breakups and more like a drifting apart. I wouldn't say I quit the Supernatural fandom, for instance, so much as I just floated out of it into other things; same goes for the MCU, where I didn't go from "my main fandom" to "I'm never writing for this again" so much as just "there are other things now I'm more excited about."

I guess if I had to pin down the typical triggers for what causes that kind of disengagement...some of it's just a function of interest and time and proximity, some of it's about how much of a community there is for me to be actively in fandom with. (it's a little hard to maintain, for instance, the same kind of level of engagement with Doctrine of Labyrinths as for some of my other fandoms when there's just not quite as much activity there in general.)

but I think the bigger factors for me are either (1) intense alienation from fandom writ large, such that continuing to engage with the material is causing me less joy than it is stress (c.f. me and being really engaged with Silmarillion fandom; I'd still consider myself a fan but I don't really consider myself in fandom anymore) or (2) canon takes a direction that diminishes my interest/excitement about the source material (c.f. the MCU, but also Supernatural). I know some people can or even seem to enjoy doing fandom for a canon that they may actively hate, but for me there's a point at which my dislike for canon is going to outweigh the fun of engaging with it, even to rewrite or interrogate things I disagree with or dislike.

this has all been a very wordy way of saying "I don't so much leave fandoms as grow away from them, usually as a function of becoming disenchanted with either the community or the source material," which is really a very anodyne answer that's probably true of most people.

[sunshine-luca]

[ 🍦 ] - going out for ice cream late at night (Izzy)

(i apologize in advance how dumb this is but this is literally how they all bullshit in my head at any given time in the day 🙃)

--

[sometime in the future]

“God, you’re so boring now we can’t go out clubbing,” Luca complained teasingly, nudging Izzy with his shoulder. “You just had to go and get yourself knocked up, didn’t you?”

Izzy nudged him back, a dollop of her expensive gelato going flying as she did so. “Hey, it’s not like we’ll never go out dancing again. Besides, isn’t your man keeping you busy with work of your own these days?”

Luca scooped up another spoon of salted caramel ice cream. For a brief, insane moment, he’d considered trying something different like hokey pokey or choc chip but in the end, he’d found his favourite and had no interest in exploring other options.

A bit like how he felt about Ryan the first time they’d met. “Yeah, it’s been pretty fun. And Ry is really happy to be back in the air so much.”

“Is it weird? Having to step back now that Skye’s son is older?”

“Nah. I like having Ryan to myself to be honest. And plus, it means I can come visit your lame ass more often.”

Izzy blew a raspberry in his direction, making him laugh. He was teasing. There was absolutely nothing lame about Isobel Morrisini, queen of the Italian underworld and close ally to the O’Riain clan. She perched beside him on the edge of the penthouse’s private gardens, watching the eternal city that was Roma pass by below, beautiful and serene. From here, the ancient coliseum and scattered ruins were bathed in gold light. Luca loved visiting Izzy and Nico in Rome, but already he was homesick with the insistent tug calling back to the highlands and the stones.

“How far along are you now?”

Izzy rubbed her belly, the swell there only just starting to be obvious through the flowery sundress she wore. “Almost eight months. Sometimes it feels like it’s taking forever, sometimes I worry it’s going too fast. We’ve both wanted this so much.”

“I’m glad Vito’s gone now,” Luca said quietly, digging around for the last dregs of caramel. “You won’t have to look over your shoulder anymore.”

Izzy gave him a telling glance. “Nor you. Lainey’s gone?”

“Yeah. Ry dealt with her. I should have let him deal with her years ago when she first started her shit but I was… I dunno. I think I was kinda smug. I didn’t know she could be so dangerous.”

“I don't think anyone could have. But she’s gone now. They both are. Now we get to live the rest of our lives with the men we love.”

“Yeah,” Luca brightened then swung his legs around to climb off the edge. He helped Izzy up too. “God, if Nico sees you like this, he’s gonna freak.”

Izzy laughed. “Oh, he knows. He just knows better than to argue with me now.”

“Still, precious cargo and all that.” Luca gestured to her belly.

“Do you want to feel him kick?”

“What?”

“The ice cream must have woken him up. He’s moving around.”

Luca found himself morbidly curious. Not that he hadn’t been around babies, Kate and Skye pumping them out like it was going out of style, but it was another thing entirely to feel one moving around on the inside.

It kinda grossed him out a little.

Izzy laughed at the expression on his face. “Luca!”

“What! Sorry, I know it’s the miracle of creation and blah blah, but like, isn’t it just, fucking weird? Like… that. In… there. I’m-“

Luca pulled a face, only causing Izzy to laugh harder. “It’s really not that weird.”

“Not to you,” Luca sniffed, but he gingerly poked her belly, only for Izzy to roll her eyes and flatten his palm against the curve of her stomach. “This feels very hetero,” he muttered, only for Izzy to shush him.

At first there was nothing, then a tiny little flutter. His eyes widened. “Holy shit!”

“See,” Izzy looked smug. “Not so weird.”

“Wow. Okay,” Luca pulled his hand away. “So if it’s a boy, you’re gonna call him Luca, right?”

Izzy covered her mouth, trying to hide her laugh. “Um. No.”

“Come on, it’s a good name. And I totally just bought you that gelato and snuck you onto the roof so like, naming your first born after me totally seems like a pretty good deal.”

“Your husband’s black credit card bough the gelato,” Izzy corrected, sweeping past Luca in a swirl of flowing sundress.

He trotted after her, undeterred. “Do you know what Luca means? Bringer of Light. Ry says it's perfect because I remind him of sunshine. How cool is that?”

“Luca-“ Izzy started.

“See, just look how much you already love saying it.”

“Oh for god’s sake,” she melted against him, clutching his arm and finally giving up on holding in her laughter. He giggled right alongside her until they made it downstairs and back onto the street. Across the road, the gelato sign was still lit up in a neon glow and the two black cars flanked its shopfront, ready to take them home once they’d had their fun.

Izzy’s hand tightened on his arm. “You know. I’m not sure I’m ready to go home yet.”

“Aren’t your feet aching? And other pregnant lady stuff? Kate always complains about her back hurt-ow!”

Izzy pinched his side, hard. “You are such a brat.”

“I know,” he grinned then tugged her back across the street. “Come on, let’s get seconds then!”

[enter-the-bear-circle]

Can I ask the aromantic questions 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 and 19 please? :)

Thanks!!! I love talking about aro stuff and myself xD

3. Do you consider yourself lgbtq+?

YES, and I will fight anyone who says otherwise

4. Are you out as aro?

Yes, very much, but most people don't get it. I kinda told my parents but without naming the label. I guess they think it's a phase, but at least they aren't asking me shit like when I get a boyfriend etc

5. How did you figure out you are aro?

Oh gods. That was a long journey.

Ahem. So in my teenage years (omg I feel so old, I'm gonna cry) I very much wanted to have a boyfriend. Or a gf (that came later). Then at some point I just realized I don't want that anymore, I really felt like I don't want to ever fall in love again. Yes, I was "falling in love", but it was more like experiencing all these sensations like butterflies in the stomach etc. I could literally go "ok, imagine I was in love with that boy" and I would feel all these things that weren't related to that boy at all. Let's say, I liked the feeling itself, but there was no attraction to someone real, I just needed a reason to feel these sensations, so I invented one. That was pretty funny. So yeah, and eventually I realized all that and thought that maybe this label could fit me, but I was very unsure. But look where we are now xD

6. What is your favourite part about being aromantic?

Oh, there are so many. I would say this power to fall in love without needing an object for it is quite nice. But also general understanding of romance. I believe we get so much more than allos cause we can look at things objectively. Basically we are cooler than them

7. What is your least favourite part about being aromantic?

The fact that my autocorrect still doesn't understand that word after years. Also the amount of amatonormativity literally everywhere and the fact that almost none of allos take it seriously or even think about it for more than a second

19. Is there a song that is very aromantic to you?

Yesssssss a couple of them. I Am The Fire by Halestorm is my personal aro anthem. I mean they literally say And I am the one I've been waiting for. Hard to go more aro than that.

Also there is an amazing Italian song by Nadàr Solo that's called Le case senza le porte. It's so so so so so aro. Very direct. I doubt they know it, but I know for sure.

Can't name anything particular by Rancore, but he's my aroace icon and I will stand by that.

There is probably something else that I forgot, maybe I'll add it later

[skylarsblue]

(More of them cause I can)

Y/N, breaking up with their partner on the phone: No no, this has been getting worse and worse. I did all this shit for you, and you just aren't appreciating any of it- Soap & Gaz: *silently busting a move cause they hated that bitch* Y/N: This isn't going to work anymore, it's over. Soap & Gaz: *literally waiting with a champagne bottle* Y/N: *hangs up* Soap: REJOICE, THE BLOODY CUNT IS GONE! *pops champagne* Gaz: *bustin' a move in victory*

-- Fem!Y/N: There's a spider. Gaz: So? What'cha want me to do?! Fem!Y/N: Kill it! Gaz: No! You kill it! Fem!Y/N: You're the man! Gaz, putting a sniper hood cloth on his head like a wig: Since when?! Ghost, with the spider in a cup: I'm surrounded by idiots.

-- Soap: Aye, my nan looks better than ya and she's in a bloody wooden onesie! Ghost, losing his mind: MacTavish, ENGLISH MY MAN, ENGLISH

-- Ghost: I'll drive. Y/N: No the fuck you won't. Ghost: I have my license, excuse you. Y/N: And I have a will to live, I'm driving.

-- Gaz: Thanks dad. Price: ... Ghost: ... Soap: ... Gaz: ...why is everyone staring at me? Soap: You just called captain dad, you said "thanks dad". Gaz: Wha- No I didn't! I said "thanks man". Price: Do you see me as a father figure, soldier? Gaz: No! If anything I see you as a bother figure cause you're always bothering me. Heh. Ghost: Hey, show your father some respect. Gaz: I didn't call him dad! Price: No no no no, Gaz, I take it as a compliment.

-- Graves: Wait, are you a guy or girl? NB!Y/N: You wanna do a questionnaire so you can find out, or do you wanna kiss and then figure out how you feel afterwards? NB!Y/N: C'mere sweetcheeks, come give me a kith. *bunch of somehow platonic kisses to the cheek* NB!Y/N: Soo how do you feel, do you feel gay or straight? Graves: Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...

-- Ghost, about to continue beating the shit outta someone for information: I don't consider myself to be a particularly ethical person, but, I am fair.

-- Alejandro: Does your madre know you eat all that crap? 141: *cringe* Y/N: Not anymore! Alejandro: I- Y/N: When mom was alive- Alejandro: *regret*

-- Y/N: Oh c'mon, I'm not playing any games with you...am I? Konig: I uh, not any that I know of. Y/N: You seem so nervous...what's the matter? Konig: *chuckling* Y/N: What's so funny?! Konig: Hm, nothing! Y/N: Yeah right, you're gigglin' your fuckin' ass off.

-- (in some weird au where Price is a priest)

Y/N: ...I wanna fuck a priest. Alejandro: Catholic? Y/N: Yes. Alejandro: A good one? Y/N: Yes. Alejandro: Looks good in the uh- *motions to clothes* Y/N: Mm, yes. Alejandro: I understand. ....do you really want to fuck the priest or do you want to fuck God? Y/N: ...can you fuck God? Alejandro: Oh yes.

-- Price: *going over something about an upcoming mission* Y/N: Right, what if we go through the b-*sees Konig walk by and breaks their neck to follow him* Gaz: ...Mate, you alright? Y/N: Who, is that? *points* Soap: Uh, Konig, I think. Big German fella from KorTac- Ghost: Austrian. Soap: Same difference. Y/N: Do we know his relationship status? Gaz: Wh- Mate he is over 208 cm! You can't even reach the top shelf, he'd snap you in half! Y/N, still staring in Konig's direction, hornily: You think so?... Ghost: ....Fuckin' Christ.

✦Incorrect C.o.D Quotes✦

(I got brainrot and I'm still not confident in writing them, so I'm just gonna do this)

Y/N, dizzy off blood loss & pain meds: It is hot as hell in this funky ass hot ass room I'm in- Ghost: *steps in* Y/N: IS THAT THE GRIM REAPER?!

-- Ghost, reading: If his dick slap his thigh wh-when he walk. I shall listen when he talk. Y/N: *calmly eating and nodding* Soap & Gaz: *trying so hard not to laugh and failing* Ghost: And you posted this saying "SHEESH" with eighteen fuckin' android emojis Soap & Gaz: *WHEEZE*

-- König: I am a monster, you know. Y/N: They told you that?… König: Look at me… Y/N: Give me your hand. König: Why? Y/N: Just let me see it. *holds his hand* Hmm, a long life line, oh, and this one means you’re shy. Hmmmmm… König: What? Y/N: Well that’s funny, I don’t see any… König: Any what? Y/N: Monster lines. Not a single one.

-- Price: If you two can manage not to kill each other while I'm gone- Ghost: Oh please... Graves: We're not children. Price: ...*walks away* Ghost: ... Graves: ... Ghost: Eat shit and die. Graves: Yes, fuck you.

-- Soap: So, the plan is kind of changing, so we're just going to take you with us. Hostage!Y/n: Am I being kidnapped? Soap: No, no. Hostage!Y/N: ...Can I leave? Soap: Mm, no.

--

Gaz: Now, now Y/N I know this is a lot to take in but don’t do anything irrational. Y/N: I’m- I’m gonna fight the f-fucking moon.

—

Soap: Mama didn’t raise no bitch, let’s go. Gaz: No no, mama raised a bitch, let’s go- Y/N: Mama didn’t raise anyone, actually. My mom was absent. Ghost: Oh my god.

—

Graves: Bro you’re actually funny! Soap: …I knew that. A lot of people knew that…I- Wh-what’s getting me is the actually.

--

Random Friend: Jeez, Y/N, how do you get any work done with all these attractive men around. Y/N: See, I thought the same thing when I first joined. Then I got to know them all, and that's not a problem anymore. Soap: Ouch... Gaz: I'm still taking the compliment.

[meditating-dog-lover]

Health update (tw) - I feel so sick but at least I know what's causing it so I can address it.

I'm feeling okay. It's day 2 of my cycle, so I experienced some skin inflammation, which is common at this time of the month.

My face and neck were inflamed Saturday morning. So I decided to switch to more gentle and natural skin care and bough some products as well. I'm also considering washing my face with cleansers less often and use plain water instead. I am obsessed with hygiene and was my hands often, and I wash my face and neck daily and brush and floss every day too, and I shower and wash my hair often. While hygiene is important, I feel like I tend to overdo it at times. This leaves me with dry and inflamed hands, brittle nails, dry hair and facial/neck skin. So I'm going to find a way where I can maintain good hygiene without torturing my skin.

I've bought some gentle and natural skin care products. I bought a cleanser, a moisturizer, and a rescue balm (for hands and lips). They look great, but the balm is expensive. Though I tried the cleanser and moisturizer from the same brand and they were so soothing and healing. I have sensitive hands, and normal over the counter skin care products and lotions burn my skin. Cerave, Aveeno, La Roche Posay, Cetaphil, Vanicream, etc... I applied some of the moisturizer along with some zinc oxide ointment onto my hands and it felt soothing and healing, no burning or stinging or itching. It felt like it had an anti-inflammatory effect. I'm going to continue to use this along with the cleanser and moisturizer, not overcleansing, and cycling my fasts.

Using alternative non-drugstore products can help. For example, I use non-drugstore toothpaste and coconut oil as mouthwash. I'll eventually do the same for skin and hair products.

Because I'm on week 1 of my cycle, I am now back to fasting. If I experience any inflammation again, I will quit the fast. Unfortunately with my prolonged fasting, I experienced a lot of inflammation and fatigue, which in turn elevated my A1C and lipid results, and messed with my hormones and mental health. My diet has not changed, so I'm not consuming any more sugar or fats. I know the inflammation and fatigue are responsible for it. I can ask my doctor, but I'm going to quit longterm 16-8 fasting because it really fucked with my hormones and stress and lipid/sugar profile. It got so bad I've considered self-h@rm and taking my own life. I feel so sick, it's made me feel hopeless and depressed. But at least I know what the cause is. So I can figure out how to cycle it without creating more inflammation and depression and without gaining the weight back. My hormones will go back to normal, as well as my skin and energy and sugar/lipids. It may take some time, but it's okay because if I see minor improvements I know it's working and I'm headed towards the right direction. I'll still ask my doctor why I got these results.

I still have to wait on my h pylori results and mineral scan for next week. Which is another health concern I have to worry about. I don't want anymore issues. But this will help my gut health and nutrient digestion and absorption outside of skin and hormone and fast health. So it is important. BUT after this, no more doctors and no more tests. And no more hiding stuff from my mom, who is the only person besides myself who will physically heal me.

My mom recommended I take barley grass juice powder, but it tastes awful. I don't want to overwhelm myself with supplements and foods that are "healthy" but taste horrible imo. But I'm going to do it for her.

So now I just want to cycle my fasting to support my hormones, switch to gentle and natural skincare, and reevaluate how often I cleanse, wash, and shower. Then I will wait on my h pylori test, talk with my doctor, and do my mineral scan. Then I'm taking a break from seeing doctors behind my mom's back due to my obsessive hypochondria. Then I'll see the psychiatrist and then I'll see a psychologist and dentist with my mom. But my health has been causing me a lot of stress, anxiety, trauma, and depression. To the point where I'm considering serious self-h@rm if something compromises my health. I know this week I'll take care of my fasting, hormones, skin care products, and washing/cleansing. Then I'll get to the h pylori and mineral scan/gut health evaluation. I'm even concerned that my fasting might have caused even more nutritional deficiencies, I am so worried.

I went through this thinking I'd be doing my health a favor, but I've never felt this sick before. The last time I felt this sick was in college and the gap year I took where I had an ed and experienced frequent rashes and skin infections and hair loss and distress. I need to remind myself that prolonged food and calorie restriction makes me so sick despite getting me down to a healthy weight. Yes I'm thinner than I was months ago, but I'm also much sicker inside and out.

Eating well, not restricting (balance - I had chocolate caramel pieces and pretzels on Saturday), fasting when appropriate, going out for gentle walks with my dogs, using natural and gentle products (skin, hair, oral, kitchen, soaps, laundry) and not overwashing nor overcleansing, supplementing to fill in nutritional gaps (the only reason to take supplements imo), gut support (I'll get to this without obsessing, I'll figure it out next week after my h pylori and scan results), and a psychological support system will help a lot. A gentle workout like yoga too (I want to avoid anything hard that will overwhelm me). Health is about balance and minimalism, going too far with something I think is "healthy" can really backfire, as is the case with my fasting. I know I'm going to find that healthy balance. Health doesn't come from overdoing things, it comes from balance, minimalism and a supportive community. I'll get the hang of it because I'm on the right path. Now that I quit fasting I'm going to see improvements in my hormonal health, inflammation, fatigue, skin, and mood.

[dorefasolsido]

14. Life in plastic, it's fantastic

***credits to the original creator***

How frequently are you inclined to read, and how much?

I read quite a lot, but like with everything else in my life, I go through phases with it. Sometimes I'll read like three books in a week, and then I'll go months without reading anything. So it really depends.

When was the last time you questioned the direction your life was taking?

End of June/beginning of July. Work slowed down significantly, which means no money for a freelancer. I have my savings, but I started freaking out that I'd never get any work again, which would mean relying on my parents' money again, resulting in me staying in my hometown and dropping my German courses. All that would mentally fuck me up completely, so I'm glad I took a step to look for a different job and found something pretty good.

What small things have the ability to get under your skin?

When anyone tells me either "don't be so sensitive" or "you're so cold." For first, it's because I trained myself not to express my feelings and now, when I'm trying to break out of that a bit, there's nothing that sets me back more than that comment.

As for the second thing, I know I come across as cold and I try my best not to, but with some people it's just never enough.

When was the last time you were caused to be upset with someone?

Don't want to get too much into it, but I had a fight recently with my best friend.

What is something small that has the ability to cure a bad mood?

Run BTS for me. Seeing my boys backstab each other for snacks is therapeutic, to say the least.

What beverage is best capable of quenching your thirst?

In the summer, iced tea. Or just good old water.

What was the last big change through which you went? Do you deal well with change, typically? Have you always?

So, as I said, I recently found a new job; similar to my previous one, but I still needed to adjust to new software and way of working. Tbh, it's been going really well, and I generally worry a lot about change beforehand, but when it comes to it, I have no problem adjusting.

How do you feel after spending a great quantity of time online?

Hmmm, I guess I feel a little out of it, or like my brain is all buzzed. But it's not so bad, since I literally work and live online at this point.

What do you consider to be the biggest drawback to being you?

There really aren't any special drawbacks except for my questionable mental health.

What do you consider the best part of being who you are?

I think I'm lucky to have a supportive family, good friends, to be healthy and capable of supporting myself. Plus, I'm pursuing a career that I love, which I feel like isn't as common as I thought when I was younger.

What kinds of things do you have on display in your room?

A few stuffed animals and some trinkets I got as gifts or souvenirs. Oh, and a little collage of pictures me and my sister took together.

What do you think your room and its contents say about you, if anything?

I don't think it says much about me, I didn't put super much effort into personalizing it. But maybe that says enough about me as is -- I'm super lazy.

When was the last time you felt insecure about something/some situation?

Oh all the time. I'm getting tired of it lately, though, so maybe I'll work on not giving a fuck anymore.

Do you ever stop to contemplate infinity?

Sure, only infinity is such a hard concept to wrap your brain around.

Are you comfortable amongst nature, or does the wilderness discomfit you?

I love nature, but I'm not a fan of spiders and other creatures that lurk there. But nothing's quite as relaxing as hiking in the mountains or taking a walk through the forest.

When was the last time someone or something caught you off guard?

Tbh, Black Mirror's "Shut Up and Dance" episode I watched yesterday. That twist totally blindsided me.

How much time do you put into maintaining your appearance and hygiene?

I mean, enough to be presentable. If I'm not going anywhere, I'm definitely not bothering as much with my appearance, but I always put effort into hygiene.

Are there any foods you eat daily? Or wish you could?

Chocolate, more or less.

When was the last time someone new entered your life? What was your first impression of that individual?

Hmm, I guess my new coworkers now? I only interact with them online, but we did one casual call where we played games too. They seem alright, though I still need time to form my opinion.

Do you put much thought into your handwriting?

Lol none. I don't write by hand very much anymore, so it's even more of a disaster than it used to be.

What are some of the top priorities in your life right now?

Family, friends, travelling, work, my cat, in no particular order.

In general, how do you feel about romantic relationships?

I don't put much stock in them, personally. Maybe because I'm ace with aromantic tendencies, idk. I just feel like I'm happier the way I am and platonic relationship satisfy me just fine.

Which emotional sensation inconveniences or bothers you the most?

Not sure how to answer this one, tbh.

Are you capable of consoling others in their grief?

Aaah, I don't know. I mean, I try. I don't think I'm good at it though.

Do you ever find it awkward to compliment another being?

Yes yes yes. And it's awkward to receive compliments too.

When was the last time you had a new experience? What was it?

I can't think of anything particular, but I'm going to Rome soon, so that will surely be a new experience.

Do you dress more for yourself, or to the expectations of others?

For myself. I'm really tired of worrying about other people's expectations. I've been trapped in that mindset for over a decade for sure.

What kinds of things tend to stress you out?

Public speeches, phone calls, job interviews, being the centre of attention.

What is one way you cope when you feel like crap?

I mostly just distract myself and wait for it to pass.

Name an insult you regularly receive, if there is one?

I don't think there is? At this point, if someone insulted me regularly, I'd just walk away.

Name a site that takes up a lot of your time?

YouTube.

What is something you used to believe about life that you no longer do?

I mean, I'm sure I believed at some point that life is fair and was in for a nasty surprise.

Do you have a tendency to look on the morbid side of life?

Aside from an occasional morbid joke and my interest in horror, I don't think so.

When was the last time you went shopping? What did you buy?

Before I went to see Barbie movie last week. I was going with friends and we had agreed to wear pink, so since I owned absolutely nothing in that colour, I had to visit the shopping mall. Got myself a pink crop top.

When you shop for clothing, how long does it take you?

Not very long usually because I find shopping exhausting.

What is something fun you have done within the past week?

I went to see Barbie on Friday and then Oppenheimer on Wednesday. Also met up with a friend on Saturday and we got completely drenched in the summer rain, which is always fun.

What is something you hope you never have to do again?

Job interviews, but I don't delude myself thinking I never will.

How does the rain affect your mood, if it does?

I love the rain. It inspires me to write, actually.

[vannybarber]

The Prenup

Summary: After four years of being together and finally being engaged, Chris wants you to sign a prenup.

Chris Evans x Reader

Warnings: angst, swearing, chris getting his ass handed to him, a lot of pain.

Part Two Part Three Part Four Final Chapter

Scrounging through the little desk in the corner of Chris and you's bedroom, you hear him let out a boisterous laugh.

He was watching some movie and there was a certain part that he found so hilarious. After 4 years of watching it with him constantly, you still don't get what's so funny. But it makes him happy so that's what matters.

You were searching for the wine opener so Scott could get his middle-aged-4-kids-divorcee vibe on. You cleaned the other day and stuck it in there after a nightly dose of freakydeaky from Chris, which consisted of wine, whipped cream, and a many different forms of chocolate.

After what seemed like forever, you find the corkscrew and grin at your accomplishment. You take one more look in the drawer out of habit and you spot a big orange envelope with Chris' name on it. Being the nosy curious person you are, you take the envelope out and get a good look at it. You see the words Prenuptial Agreement in bold and your heart drops.

Chris had proposed to you 9 months ago and you were happy beyond words. After being together for 4 years, he finally put away his commitment troubles and made you his fianceé. And now you find out he's going to get you to sign a prenup. A fucking prenup.

You look around the room at loss for words. You were angry, hurt and confused. After 4 years of being together, he doesn't have faith in his own judgment that you guys would be together forever? You both have been through literally everything. There isn't one thing you don't know about each other. Your relationship was rare and it was special.

After moments of contemplation, you decide you would confront him on it. There's no way you could carry on the night and sleep after this. Not until you get your answers. Closing the drawer, you take a sharp breath and exhale before walking out the room. You get back to the dining table where Lisa and his siblings surrounded.

"Here you go Scott" you say slamming the corkscrew on the table in front of him. He looks up at you, puzzled. You glance at him then at Chris and he's looking at you just the same. Evidently your tone matched your movements because everyone went silent. You draw back and put both hands behind your back and huff.

"Babe, are you alright?" It was Christopher talking to you now. Your attention goes to him and your lips are in a thin line. Refraining from blowing up at him, you force smile on your face and change your tone of voice.

"What do you mean, honey? I'm fine." You should leave the acting to Chris honestly. That's definitely not your field of expertise. Shifting on your right foot, you stare at him. He shuffles and tilts his head with a knowing look.

"Spill it Y/N. What's up?"

"The flames when I burn this damn house down." So much for not blowing up. You snatch the envelope in front of you and chuck it on the table. Everyone watches the exchange and the envelope fly to the table. All their faces change from confusion to shock and even more confusion.

Chris didn't even need to look down to know it was the prenup. His eyes went from you to the wall. Guilt written all over it, you almost wish you gave a shit. You wonder how long he was going to keep this hidden from you. No need to wonder now.

"You want to explain to me why you have a prenup?" You place your hand on your hip and roll your neck at him.

"I got that for us."

You swear to everything you wanted to lunge at him right then and there. 'I got that for us'. Why do people always use that excuse for everything? They weren't thinking about you, just themselves and expected you to go along with it.

"You got it for us? I know you didn't do this on your own. Who put you up to it?" You look around the room. Scott has his hands up shaking his head. Carly and Shanna both let out a quiet "not me". You look at Lisa who had this look of hurt.

"Chris, you tell me everything. How did I not know about this? Why didn't you tell me?" Well now you know she didn't suggest it. You feel slightly guilty for letting it cross your mind, but you had your reasons.

"Ma, I had my reasons. I kept it hidden because I didn't know how I felt about it myself" he says rubbing his face and fixing his hair under his cap. Still didn't answer your question.

"Christopher, who put you up to this? Tell me now!" You're getting fired up by the minute. You have an idea who it could be too.

"Megan. She thought that it would be smart to consider. Just to protect me."

"Megan." Your voice is laced with absolute venom. "You know Chris, she does a good job keeping you out of trouble and bullshit so you're not all over the tabloids, but sometimes, her ass is too much!"

Chris is never in the news for anything negative. He's always minding his business and moving quietly. Megan is a great publicist, but she can be pretty overbearing about his personal life. She gave you side eye for like the entire first year of you guys' relationship.

"Baby, she was just looking out for me. You know how it is, women getting with you for your money. Guys loose half of everything they have when getting divorces."

You can't even believe it.

"I am not 'women'. I'm your fianceé. We've been together 4 years, Chris! After all this time your material things come before me?" Tears are puddled at your eyes now and your voice is cracking. This catches his attention.

"I told you from the start Chris, that I never cared about your money! Never have and never will. I am used to not having much. I'm not money hungry or concerned for having top tier everything. I've learned to settle."

"Y/N, I didn't mea-" you slam your hand on the table, making everyone jump. Chris shuts his mouth.

"I'm. Not. Finished. I am not marrying your bank account. I'm not marrying your cars. I'm not marrying your house. I don't give a damn about any of that shit. And you literally are still concerned about all of that?" Your face is wet and your nose is runny. You wipe your nose and cross your arms.

"It's not even like that!" Now he's getting upset. For literally nothing. This is his fault. "It's just in case it doesn't work out, we don't need to deal with all the extra mess."

That completely shattered you. In case it doesn't work out. He actually has thoughts that your marriage couldn't work. What would even cause that? You guys don't even argue. You don't even remember the last time you did. You've learned to understand what each other needs and mastered that. What is he on about?

"You know what the sad part is? Us not working out crossed my mind in, like, the first year of our relationship. And I decided that if we did get married, and God forbid we divorced, I wouldn't take anything from you."

He looked at you like he just found out he wasn't the father of your baby.

"Yeah, Chris. That's your money. You made it, not me, so why would I ask for any of it from you? You gave me an amazing relationship and thats enough for me."

"Oh my goodness." Everyone directs their attention to Scott. "So you wouldn't want anything from the divorce?"

"Of course not! I came in this relationship for him. Plus a make my own money. I don't need anyone else's."

You had your own business. Many employees at different buildings in Boston. You didn't have much growing up and you were proud of yourself for not having to worry about financial issues. Chris liked that you had your own thing going and didn't have to adapt to his life and depend on him financially. And he still got a prenup.

Feeling like you were gonna cry again, you rub your temples and take deep breaths to prevent it. But you failed and started crying more. Chris got up and moved to stand in front of you.

"Baby, I'm sorry I upset you. I thought you would be okay with this. Like you said, you don't care about my money so what's wrong with the prenup?" His hands were on your sides, but not for long as you shook them off of you.

"What's wrong with it? What this is telling me is three things. You have doubt that our marriage won't work out, you think I might change my mind and ask for alimony, and that your money comes before me."

"I..." he struggles to form words. You take this chance to get out of there.

"I really don't want to be here right now." Chris looks up and grabs your arm.

"Babe, you don't need to go. Where the hell are you gonna go?" You turn and grab the envelope from the table. You open it and pull the papers out, shoving it in his face.

"I'll go to a hotel or something, but I'm not staying here if this is the shit you're trying to pull with me." You turn the paper to you and look in disgust. You scan over it and your eyes fall on the dotted line where you need to sign. Beside it is where he needed to sign his.

Well not anymore.

You read over his signature on the line. Chris Evans.

He signed the prenup already. Now he was just waiting for your signature. He really was leaving you zero choice.

"You signed it already??" Everyone at the table head snapped up. Shanna gasped and covered her mouth. Lisa mumbles an "oh no" under her breath.

"So you were just going to bring it to me and expect me to sign it with no fight, huh?"

Chris says nothing, but his face is red. You don't wait for a response and walk to your shoes and your bag. Already having everything in there, you slip your shoes on and walk back to Chris.

"Just a heads up, you brought this on yourself."

You whip around and walk to the fireplace. You chuck the papers and envelope in the blaze and turn back to him.

"You can forget about that damn prenup, cause I'm not signing it. As a matter a fact, you don't even have to worry about that because there won't be a chance of us divorcing." You force a smile and clasp your hands together. Lisa and Scott rise from the table panicking.

"Babe, no-"

"Forget the wedding, this engagement and all of it. You can take this fucking ring too." You pry the ring off your fingers and throw it at him. It hits his chest and falls at his feet.

"I'm not marrying you."

You turn on your heel, grab your purse and jacket, walking out the door, leaving the Evans' speechless.

Was this too dramatic? I have my own opinions on a prenup, but maybe it's not as big as it seems? Idk🥴.

masterlist

[twjournals]

The Right Place

This is the third and final part of the trilogy. I can not thank you enough for the endless support. I did not expect to even turn this into a three-parter, but you asked and you shall receive. You guys are amazing!

So Wrong It's Right

What's Wrong is Right

Warning: dark!Peter Parker x reader, dub-con, all characters are of age, pregnancy, abuse, mild non-con touching, violence

Word Count: 5.4k

Summary: You're an old troubled friend of May's. Your life consists of being a workaholic, a party animal, and bringing home the shittest of guys for a one-hit-wonder. Just when you get your life in order, you're knocked right back into your old habits. Peter has watched you suffer long enough. He can make it all better.

Taglist: @discoverwhattheworldhastooffer

Your world was in shambles and any move you made to try and fix it only seemed to make what was left crumble. You did not speak with anyone since you had found out you were pregnant, not even May. You did not know what you could even say to her or how you could explain what was going on. You knew she would find out sooner or later, but you had planned on later. You could not even stomach the thought of telling her. It would not be easy and you knew you would probably lose her friendship in the process.

You avoided Peter as much as you could. He always messaged to check up on you, but you would never reply. You were disappointed in yourself. If you had just been the biggest person and moved on, if you had not have gotten drunk, you would not be in this situation right now.

Peter never gave up on you. He had hoped you would come around. That you would understand why your life was going in the direction it was. You needed to get away from the toxicity you surrounded with, especially Chris. You were meant for bigger and better things. You were meant to be more than a housewife. You were to be a mother, a lover, a soulmate. You deserved the world and he wanted so bad to give you it plus more.

You continued to shut him out though. You did not answer his phone calls or his text messages no matter how many times he tried. He sat outside on your fire escape many nights, listening to you crying yourself to sleep. It broke his heart to see you in this situation, but he wishes you would look on the bright side of things. Maybe it was not the greatest timing to have a baby, but it didn't mean your lives were ruined. Sometimes what we want is not always what we need. Sometimes change is required for what we need in our life and you weren't necessarily open to it.

He honestly had tried to give you your space. He stuck to the rooftop above you where you could not see him when you would finally leave the house for work. You always looked so beautiful to him, even if he knew you had been crying all night. If you would just answer his messages, he would not have to go this far.

Peter watched you many mornings on your way to work. He followed your bus all the way to the place he prayed you would never go. He kneeled on top of the building, watching as you stared sadly at the front doors of the clinic. He wished you would turn around. To save him from having to web you down before you got in the building. You were picking at your sweater. No matter the number of times you found yourself standing outside the clinic, you never could bring yourself to even reach for the door.

You were at war with yourself. Peter could tell you fought against the changes, but your heart could not bring you to stop them from happening despite how unhappy you were. It always ended with a sigh and with you proceeding to walk the rest of the way to work. Peter seemed to hold his breath until you walked away.

Work was always a drag now. You had nothing to look forward to anymore but everything in the world to worry about. You stared at your phone as it lay against the computer screen. You rubbed your face tiredly.

You knew it was time to let go of your past. You sighed deeply, taking your phone in your hands and clicking on Chris's old messages. You began typing.

Are you able to come by later?

You noticed he read your message right away. You sat your phone down, still staring at the screen when he responded back.

Of course. Just tell me when, and I’ll be there.

You told him you would message him once you got home. You were sure what time you would get off when it came to your job. You wrote a company and spent the hours necessary to do what you needed to do.

By the time your workday had finally ended, you were having mixed feelings about inviting him over. Being pregnant did not help your feelings from being all over the place. Your thumbs hovered over the keypad on your screen. You were hesitant. Even if he had said he respected whatever you decided, you knew he could not entirely mean that. You quickly typed out that you were home and hit send before you could give yourself time to think almost about it. Maybe you should have thought about it a little longer.

Peter was stuck at school for one of his night classes. He dreaded his night classes now more than ever considering your condition. He had already skipping enough classes due to worrying so much about you. He could not afford to flunk out of school now after all the time and effort he had dedicated already. As much as he wanted to keep an eye on you, he tried to give you room to breathe, to think, and process.

You pushed his bags in the living room by the door, straightening your sweater to keep it off of your stomach. You were not big to others, but to you, you worried if people can tell. You did not want to chance it and certainly not with Chris. You wanted this to go as smoothly as possible.

Your heart almost leaped from your chest at the knock on your door. You slid the chain from the lock and pulled the door open to see his face light up as soon as he saw you.

"Hey there, beautiful."

"Hi." You leaned against the door slightly as you moved out of the way for him to enter.

"I'm so glad you're giving this a second-" He stepped into the apartment, noticing bags of his belongings to the side of him and he grew quiet. "You're not giving me a second chance." He pointed out and you frowned slightly, still standing by the door.

"I think it is what's best for the both of us." Your voice was quiet and calm, but in your mind, it was the hardest thing possible for you to say.

"Is it?" His voice seemed bitter and you looked down at your feet, nodding slowly. Even without looking at him, you could still feel his eyes on you. He turned to face you fully and you hesitated to make eye contact with him.

"It is. I still want the best for you."

"Do you not believe I can change? I don't understand. What can I do to change your mind?" He pressed.

"Please don't think I haven't given this a lot of thought. It consumes my mind to no end. I just need to focus on myself right now."

"Imagine that." It was silent in the room and you glanced at him, only to find him shaking his head with a snicker. "It's not what's best for the both of us. Not for me. This is what's best for you. Can't imagine how I even thought you could be anything but selfish."

"Chris, I just want to keep this civil."

"Good for you." He pulls the door from your grasp and slamming it shut, startling you. "That's all you've ever been, hm? You're gonna have to lose that mindset if you plan on marrying me."

"I don't-"

"You will." He corrected, moving so close you could feel his breath across your face. "I put too much time into this for you to walk away from me."

You swallowed hard. The man who stared back at you was far from familiar. You tried to step around him but he only pushed you back into your place between him and the wall.

"Goddamn it, just get your stuff and go!" You raised your voice and he slapped his hand hard across your cheek. It was strong enough to make you see stars in your eyes. You yelped at the impact and held your cheek as it stung in pain.

"You watch your fucking tone." He stared down at you. He had never hit you before in the years you had been together. He never raised a hand to you, but then again, he never raised one for you either.

You could not imagine how much worse this would get. You left sick to your stomach when he grabbed your chin, tilting your head upright to look at him, stroking his fingers across your stinging cheek as his eyes flickered over your face in thought.

"Truth to be told, I think it's you who needs to change. I put up with so much from you. You had me in the beginning. Thought I was getting this wild, sex-crazed wife, oh, the fun we use to have. The drunken nights." He stiffed a laugh as he let his free hand grab the end of your sweater. "You really had me fooled, didn't you sweetheart?"

You were scared to move. Scared that one wrong move and he would hit you again, maybe worse. You closed your eyes, hoping Peter would answer your prayers. You regretted how much you ever took advantage of his kindness. How long you acted like you never noticed. You had always noticed. You felt his hand push underneath your shirt, and his gaze grazed over your stomach.

You noticed the way his hand froze against the small curve of your rounded stomach and he instantly lifted your shirt to see the problem. Your vision was blurred from your tears as he stared at your stomach with wide eyes. You could tell he was getting pissed.

"Really looks like you've been focusing on yourself." He lets your sweater fall back down over your stomach. His grip was still firm on your jaw, giving you no choice but to look at him. "You have some nerve to leave me. I could bet money it's Parker's. It is, isn't it?"

You could not bring yourself to admit it, but you did not have to.

He shoved your face from his hand, causing you to hit your head hard against the wall as he let you go. "You fucking make me sick."

You tried to keep your sobs quiet, listening to his footsteps moving away from you, listening to him jerking his bags up. "Better it's his problem and not mine." He muttered before slamming the door shut behind him.

You pulled your knees to your chest as you sat up against the wall with a sob. You didn't realize how much you needed Peter until now. You were sure he would have been successful if Peter had not have stopped. You hugged your knees as you tried to catch your breath in an attempt to calm yourself down.

After a moment, you took a deep breath as you pushed yourself to your feet. You let out a whimper quiet, feeling mild cramps in your lower stomach. You frowned as you turned the lock to the door, pressing your forehead against it as you held your stomach from the pain. It only seemed to worsen the longer you stood there. You weren't sure what was going on, but you had a feeling whatever it was, it was not good. You stood like that hoping the cramps would ease, but they never did.

It was close to the end of class when Peter's phone vibrated in his pocket. He pulled it out of his phone slightly to see who it was. He glanced up at the professor who had still proceeded with his lecture and Peter lowered his head to answer. He knew something had to be wrong if you were calling him after all this time of avoiding him.

"Y/n? Is everything okay?"

"I think something is wrong." You whimpered quietly and he raises an eyebrow slightly.

"What do you mean "wrong"? Is the baby okay?" He looked up at the teacher who was making eye contact with him now as he talked.

"I don't know." You answered honestly.

That was all it took to get Peter moving. He grabbed his books off of his desk and tossed them in his bag while he scrambled from the classroom.

"It hurts." You rubbed your lower stomach like you always did when you had cramps before. Cramps were normal, but with being pregnant, you could never be too sure what they really meant.

"I know, love. I'm so sorry. Hang tight. I'm on my way." He reassured you as he sprinted out of the building.

---

You lay back on the hospital bed, sighing as Peter ran his hand over your bump in gentle circles. For once, you let him. Your cramps had surprisingly lessened since Peter had shown up, but he did not want to take any chances. It was better to be safe than sorry. He was so worried about you and the baby.

Nurses had been in and out of the room, doing blood work, swabbing, anything necessary to get to the bottom of this. Peter was quiet as he sat on the side of the hospital bed, focused on the massage he was giving your stomach. This was the first time he had touched you since the night you found out you were pregnant.

You could not help back to smile slightly to yourself as his long gentle fingers worked over your skin. He must have sensed your stare because it was not long before his eyes glancing up to meet your stare.

He raised an eyebrow curiously. "Is this okay? I'm not making it worse, am I?"

You shook your head. "It's fine. I'm just watching."

He smiled at you while he continued his massage to your tummy. His eyes looked toward the door when a nurse came in, rolling some equipment over to the bedside.

"Miss. Y/l/n, your lab work should not be much longer. If you do not mind, I would like to do an ultrasound to check on the baby. Is that okay with you?"

You nodded and Peter took his hands back to let her work. She rolled over a chair, taking some gel and squirting some across your lower stomach. The nurse rolled the transducer over the gel and smearing it in as she applied some pleasure in search of a heartbeat. You watched her roam your stomach, biting your bottom lip. Your eyes widened slightly when the sound of the baby's beating heart filled the room. Once the nurse got a clear view, she turned the screen to show you and Peter what she was seeing.

You looked over at the monitor, your heart fluttered slightly at the first sight of your baby. That was your baby, even if it was only a little bean now. You could not stop the smile from forming on your lips. This little bean was life was growing inside of you. This brought a whole new light to your pregnancy. It was like a light had switched on. You did not know how to explain the overwhelming feeling. It felt more real after seeing him or her.

Peter was just as taken back as you. His grin never faded at the sight of your baby. It only made him 10x more eager to be a dad.

"Look at that. Already looks like me." Peter teased and you giggled, considering he or she was not much more than a heartbeat at the moment.

"I can definitely see it." You grinned as Peter rest his hand over yours, sliding his fingers between yours. He brought your hand to his lips before pressing a kiss to the back of it. You watched him kiss your hand and shivered slightly. You did not know what to think of everything at this point.

The nurse checked the baby's heartbeat before turning to the computer behind her and check your lab results with a quiet hum as she scrolled through your charts.

"Well, it seems like everything is just fine. Your baby is certainly healthy and has one of the strongest heartbeats I have ever heard." You looked over at Peter and he only grinned. You could thank Peter for that and all of his spidey senses.

"Your blood pressure was pretty high though and considering your history, your blood pressure has always been perfect. Have you been stressed out lately?" She looked back at you and you nodded slightly.

You were ashamed at how stressed you had let yourself get. "Well, I won't ask for details but if it is anything I can help you with, I would be happy to help. If not, I would stay to keep the stress to a minimum. Your baby does feel anything you feel, so some things can be too much and really take a toll on them." She explained. "Think of this as your baby reminding you to breathe."

You smiled, feeling Peter giving your hand a warm squeeze.

"If your blood pressure does continue to be high, we will see if we can do something to help." You nodded again as she made out some prints of your ultrasound and handing them to you. "If you don't have any questions, I'll let one of the other nurses know and they can keep your paperwork ready for you to go home." She took a paper towel and wiped your stomach clean before tossing it.

With that, she gathered up her equipment before rolling it out of the room with her. You pulled your sweater back down over your stomach.

"Hear that. Now do me a favor and leave all of the worrying up to me." He looked up at you as your eyes stayed glued to your ultrasound prints. His eyes flickered over your face, landing on the bruising mark on your cheek. He reached up, moving a piece of hair back of your face to get a better look. You flinched at the contact. Peter seemed taken back by your flinch.

"What happened? How'd you get that?" You kept your head down with a small frown.

"I invited Chris over to get his stuff. He thought I was taking him back. He didn't take it well." You explained and his eyes widened.

"He hit you?!" You reached Peter's hand as he started to jump up from the bed. "I'll kill him. I swear to you-"

"Peter, please. It's over with now." You assured him, tugging his hand to pull him back to the bed to sit down again. "He's not worth it."

Peter frowned, letting out a deep sigh before leaning in and pressing a gentle kiss to your cheek. He did not want to stress you any more than you had already been. "I'm sorry he did that to you. I wish I could have been there."

"Honestly, I needed this. It made letting go of him a lot easier."

"Was that all he did?"

You grew quiet.

"Did he..."

"No, he didn't." You shook your head after he could finish his sentence. "He saw that I was pregnant and left."

Peter tried to keep his composure as his fist clenches out of your sight. He could not imagine how someone could lay a single finger on you with intentions to hurt you. He was quiet. He was trying to hold it together for your sake.

"He didn't say anything?"

You stayed quiet for a moment, rubbing your thumb across the print. "Just that he was glad it was your problem and not his." You shrugged your shoulders slightly. "Even though it's not a problem, I am glad it's you and not him. I can't imagine what it would be like to have a baby with someone that selfish."

His clenched fist loosened at your words and his eyes softened. He could not believe his ears. Were you really saying this?

His cheeks blushed a deep shade of red. "You mean that?"

You smiled at him with a nod. "I do. You're so selfless and care so much about what you can do for others. Even though I've been selfish, you still stuck by my side. I honestly couldn't ask for a better father for my baby."

His smile widened as he looked at you, resting his hand on your small bump. "Our baby."

You rested your hand on top of his with a smile, nodding your head. "Our baby." You agreed.

---

It was not long after that the nurse gave you the okay to leave. Peter had stopped to get you something to eat before he took you home. He wanted to make sure you had been fed. All of the little things like this had slowly pulled you closer Peter. You were not used to how observant and patient he was. As much as you knew how wrong your whole situation was, you could not help but to give in to it. Despite your age, Peter had treated you better than any other guy you had been with. Even better than the one you had been with for years. Peter was the blessing you never knew you needed. He was the blessing in disguise.

He held onto your hand, walking up the steps to your apartment and using the keys to unlock the door for you. He didn't expect you to let him stay. All he wanted was to make sure you were okay before he left you alone.

"Thank you for everything." You looked up at him as you both stood in front of your door.

He smiled down at you. "You don't have to thank me."

"You know I owe you."

He rolled his eyes playfully. "You don't owe me anything. You're having our baby. I consider that payment enough." He teases, his hands resting on your waist. He could not help but touch you. In every possible, he would if he could. Your cheeks blushed at his response, looking down but Peter let his finger hook underneath your chin to tilt your head back up. Your lips were barely an inch apart when the moment was quickly ruined.

"What the fuck is going on here?!" A familiar voice pulled you from your moment, making your heart sink to the pit of your stomach when the realization hit. You did not even have to look over to know it was May. Her face was red in anger when your eyes met hers. "You ignore me for weeks and when I come to check on you, you're smacking lips with my nephew?! What the fuck is wrong with you?"

Your lips parted to say something, but no words came out. You did not where to begin with explaining yourself to her. You knew this was all wrong, but it was all too late.

"I thought you were hurt, but obviously, you're perfectly fine." She was fuming.

You never wanted her to find out this way. You wished you had more time to think about it and figure out a better way, but this was it. This was the moment of truth and you were terrified to lose your best friend. You felt tears forming in your eyes and Peter frowned.

"Aunt May, stop."

"Stop?! I'm not going to stop! You're not going to use my nephew so you can get over your worthless ex-boyfriend."

"Aunt May!"

You fought to hold back your tears until you could not anymore. You felt the tears running down your face. As much of a low blow that was, you felt you deserved to hear it. "Peter, i-it's okay." You struggled to form your words. You were hurt, embarrassed, ashamed.

"No, it's not." He shook his head, pointing a finger at May as she stood only a few feet distance from the two of you by her car. "You've gone too far."

"I don't understand how you think this is okay, Y/n." She shook her head, ashamed at you.

"I didn't expect for it to be like this. I didn't mean for any of this to happen." You confessed.

"Just like you never meant for all those one-night stands to happen huh? I trusted you!" She yelled, making you flinch. You hung your head in defeat, glancing at Peter with sad eyes before going inside. You could not stomach the rest of the conversation without sobbing. You tried to calm yourself once you were inside.

"That's enough!" Peter yelled suddenly. "I am capable of making my own decisions. I don't need you to decide what is best for me, Aunt May. I'm not here against my will and neither is she."

"She's supposed to be my friend." She didn't know what to make of this.

"You're supposed to be my Aunt! You knew how hard I crushed over her. For years you knew."

"I thought it was just a crush."

He moved closer to her in the parking lot. It was never just a crush. He was head over heels for you. "I love her. I've always loved her. You're can either respect it or accept it, because it's either way, she's pregnant and nothing is going to change that." He stood by her car.

Her mouth fell open in shock. She did not know what to think. Never in a million years would have thought this would happen, but then again never would have you.

"Pregnant?" Her voice was quiet.

He nodded. "I'm gonna be a dad, Aunt May." He pulled his copy of the prints out of his wallet and showing them to her.

She was at a loss for words. He was right. There was nothing she could do about that. May stared at the prints for a moment, trying to process everything in the short time it had all happened.

"Peter... I don't understand..."

"She almost had a miscarriage today because she's been stressing herself out over Chris. You're not going to take this away from me." He looks down at her, taking the prints back from her." He looked down at her as she stared back with a small frown. "Go home, Aunt May before we both do something we'll regret. You can come back when you're ready to apologize for this." He held the car door open for her and she hesitated before slowly getting in the car.

She knew she was in the wrong for how she had handled things, but Peter did not give her the chance to even risk making things worse. Peter felt deep in his heart despite everything she would come around. She would realize how happy you made him and she would accept it, but for now, she needed to leave.

Peter walked back to your front door, knocking on the door with a sigh. After a few moments, you moved from your spot on the couch to answer the door. You opened it slightly to see Peter and you glanced behind him at May's car pulling out of the parking lot.

"How are you?" He frowned when he saw your red watery eyes.

"I feel awful."

He sighed when you finally let go of the door and he stepped inside of the apartment. He let the door close behind him. His arms wrapped around your body instantly, pulling you against mine as he hugged you, resting his head against yours and kissing the top of it. "I'm so sorry. I know it's hard to believe now, but she'll come around. Just give her some time."

"She was going to find out sooner or later. I expected that reaction. I just wasn't prepared for it right now." You pointed out as your head rested against his chest, letting him hold onto you.

You closed your eyes, listening to his heartbeat. You relaxed in his arms. Your eyes were burning from all the tears shed. Peter scooped your body up in his arms bridal style, carrying you down the hall to the bedroom. He laid you down on the bed, sliding into the bed with you as his arms naturally found their way around your waist. Your head fell to his chest as you got lost in your thoughts for a moment.

"I'm starting to think I can never make the right choices." You admitted, laughing slightly to yourself and Peter tilted your head up to look at him.

His lips pressed a kiss to your nose. "Sometimes, the wrong choices bring us to the right places." He assured you before leaning in to close the space between your lips and kissing your lips.

He was true to word. No matter how much you held yourself back, every wrong choice you had ever made in your life brought you to this moment with Peter. This opportunity with Peter to finally get your life right. It was your chance to allow yourself the happiness you knew you both deserved.

End Credits Scene

He was not sure how long he had been sitting with his wrists and ankles restrained to a chair in the middle of a dark room. Maybe hours. It even could have been days. He was not sure. His eyes blinked rapidly to adjust to the light that poured into the room when he finally heard a heavy door open.

"Oh good, you're awake." He was covered in sweat from fear and the heat of the closed-off room. He could make out bits of a red and blue suit. His eyes must have been playing tricks on him. When his eyes finally adjusted to the light, his eyes widened at the sight of Spiderman in front of him. He did not understand what was going on. Spiderman is supposed to save people.

His mouth was covered with solid webbing so he could not speak.

"I'm sure you're wondering why you're here." Peter moved closer to him as he spoke. He leaned down, ripping the webbing from Chris' mouth and making him cry out in pain from the grip it had on his skin. "You see Chris if there's one thing I hate, it's people who hurt the people I care about."

"W-What are you talking about? I haven't done anything."

"Don't play dumb." Peter gritted his teeth underneath his mask, backhanding Chris across the face before gripping his jaw. "You know exactly what you did, but that's okay because it won't happen again. You'll never touch Y/n again. I'll make sure of that."

Blood dripped from Chris's mouth from how hard Peter hit him. "I should fucking kill you for putting your hands on her." He smirked to himself when Chris starts squirming under his grip. "But I won't."

"I won't. I won't touch her again. I swear-"

"Oh, I know you won't." Peter let go of his jaw before backing up towards the door again.

"W-Where are you going? Aren't you going to let me go?" Chris started to panic as Peter pulled his mask off for Chris to see his face. He wanted this to be the last thing he saw if he died and the thing he would definitely remember if he lived.

"I didn't say I was going to let you go. I said I wasn't going to kill you." He smiled and Chris's mouth fell open slightly at the sight of Peter Parker standing before him. "I was thinking we could make a game out of this. I hear you like games. Let's see just how important you really are. I'm gonna leave you here and we're gonna see if your friends succeed with their search party if they even send one out. I can't imagine what they would care about scum like you for, but I guess we'll see. I give you about 48 hours before your body finishes you off itself. That should give you more than enough time to think about what I've said. That's if you do make it and I don't really have faith that's gonna happen, but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. I expect you to get the hell out of New York. I promise to you if ever see you again, I'll kill you."

Chris swallowed hard as Peter stood in the doorway once more, the sun outlining his figure at the door. He was scared of the possibility of not being found. He was furious that a guy like Peter was capable of putting him in a situation like this.

"They'll find me and when they do, you're a dead man, Peter Parker." He pulled at the restraints on his arms with all of his might but he did not stand a chance against the webbing. Peter made it look so easy.

Peter grinned at Chris's promise. He loved the challenge. The possibility that even if someone did find him, he would have the pleasure of killing him himself. It amused Peter that Chris could even have the nerve to threaten him in the position he was in.

"Well, let the game begin." He gave a wave as he started to pull the door closed. Chris yelled to the top of his lungs until the heavy metal door ceased his screams.

[nishisun]

DORM BUDDIES

30. well....

DORM BUDDIES MASTERLIST

warning: slight smut (fingering)

Shit.

Was your initial thought after reading Tsukishima’s text. He seemed pretty serious, right? You were hoping he wasn’t. Maybe he needed help examining some artifacts. Or maybe, he wanted to talk about something that isn’t as important as you think. Maybe you’re overthinking.

Stop giving yourself false hope, y/n.

Standing up from your bed suddenly felt like a complex task. You inevitably turned off your phone and let out a piteous sigh. Once you finally stood up after minutes of contemplating, you finally made it to the door of his room. It was quiet. You couldn’t see what was going on since the door was shut. You couldn't hear his voice and there wasn't any music currently playing. This must be serious.

With sweaty palms that you quickly wipe away using your shirt, it takes everything in you just to open the door. There’s no going back now. There he was. He was slouched on his bed. He looked fatigued, maybe? What the hell happened to the Tsukishima 30 minutes ago?

I mean, you both were just arguing back and forth 30 minutes ago. You made up afterward and then you just fled his room. Now he wants to talk? What about exactly? Whatever it is, you sincerely hope it doesn’t cause another argument.

“Hey,” Your voice is remarkably unstable, faltering due to how nervous you are. Tsukishima looks up at you and contorts his face in possible confusion for a brief moment, then relaxes it again. “You said we needed to talk, what about?”

“Stop.”

Stop?

“Stop acting clueless. It’s annoying.” He’s sitting on the edge of the bed, slouching once again as his head hangs low, he doesn’t bother making eye contact with you, he keeps his face set to the ground.

“Kei, what are you talking about-”

“Cut the bullshit, y/n. Stop trying to avoid shit. You know exactly why I called you over here to talk,” Tsukishima snaps, Your eyes start to water, and Tsukishima groans and covers his eyes with his hands. “I need a drink.” His lanky body suddenly stands up from the bed. He drags himself from out the room and you resolutely turn and look at him in pure confusion.

“Tsukishima, I don’t think it’s smart for you to be drinking at this time.”

“What are you, my mother? You sure do think many things, y/n.” He laughs out, still walking to the kitchen, and opens the fridge. “Why the hell do you care anyway? I’m an adult.”

“Okay, what the hell is wrong with you?” you scoff, leaning on one of the slabs in the kitchen. “We were literally okay like 30 minutes ago- not even! Now, you text me, even though i’m literally a room away from you, telling me we need to talk about who knows what, and now you don't even want to talk anymore. It’s unfair, tsukishima-”

“You know what’s unfair, Y/N?” He lets out an awfully unpleasant laugh, slamming the fridge door really hard which makes you flinch. “You can’t-- God--” He’s staring pensively at you, you’re staring back and glaring, eagerly waiting for him to say something. He scoffs, then takes a seat in the kitchen dining. “You’re a hypocrite.”

“How about you stop insulting me and tell me what I did that got you so fucking worked up!” You raise your hands up in defeat with glassy eyes and Tsukishima still doesn’t make any direct eye contact with you. “Can we please just talk? Like adults?”

He sighs and finally looks up at you and nods. You heave a profound sigh of relief when you see that he’s finally willing to talk things out.

“Yeah, you’re right, I’m sorry.” You offer him a whimsical smile, walking towards him to hug him, he’s hugging back with a loose grip, but you pay no mind to it.

“Of course, Kei.” You let go of him, still standing close to him. You sit on the chair beside him, and you both are now facing each other. “So, what’s up?”

Tsukishima looks at you for a moment and opens his mouth, then closes it. He plays with his drink, circling the cup, so the ice in it makes a noise. You move close to him as you soothe him, massaging his back softly, then moving your hand up to softly caress his hair, just the way he likes it.

“You can tell me anything, Kei. Take your time if you need to.” He nuzzles his head in the crook of your neck when you continue to thread your hands in his hair and can't help the way your heart flutters at how cute he reacts to your touch.

“You smell so fucking good.” he breaths, you chuckle in return and he clings to you tighter.

“Kei.”

“Hmm?”

Before you can even continue speaking, your gasp cuts you off when tsukishima licks a stripe on your neck. Without thinking, you tilt your head, giving him more access to your neck in which he smirks at. As he continued to lick and suck on your flesh, mindlessly, you began threading your fingers on his hair once again which motivates tsukishima to continue.

“K-kei..” You call, but he doesn’t give you an answer. The hand he has placed on your thigh finds its way to your hips, then your shirt, hoisting it up quickly. You assist him to lift up your shirt and once it’s off you immediately took your lips with his, your heart pounding and knees getting weaker as the gentle kiss deepens. The buzz on your phone goes off again, but you pay no attention to it. The only thing you could focus on right now was how soft tsukishima’s lips felt against yours. Softer than you naturally imagined. He was addictively invading your senses and honestly, you could get used to this.

It altogether felt like you were dreaming. Clearly, you weren’t considering the fact that you and he were just arguing not so long ago. The kiss was messy, but there was raw emotion in the way tsukishima’s deft hands interlaced with yours. You break the kiss and the both of you gasp for air as tsukishima carries you bridal style down his room and places you on the bed.

He doesn’t know what’s gotten into him. He too could get used to feeling your tender lips with his. As you were laying down, tsukishima gets on top of you and places his hands on the sides of your head as support.

“Please, look how fucked out you look from just some kisses.” Tsukishima teases and you instantly use both of your hands to cover the blush that was forming on your cheeks.

“F-fuck you,”

“You’re cute. Take off your clothes.”

You happily oblige with his orders, flinging them somewhere in his room and you produce a confused look when you notice that his clothes are still on.

“Wanna eat you out.”

Your eyes widen in shock, which purely makes him chuckle as he moves closer to you, face to face. You could feel his warm breath, and it was driving you crazy. You draped both of your arms around his shoulders and met his lips halfway.

Your stomach flutters once again, heart skipping a beat. Everything felt surreal. From the heated make-out session, you were having with tsukishima, to the smell of him which was gradually, but undoubtedly causing you to lose all trains of thought.

You parted your lips and felt him washing over you like a tidal wave, warmth being spread from head to toes. Your entire body tingled with pleasure and the feeling of tsukishima slowly leaning his frame on yours as he wrapped his arms around you seemed to be amplified. Tsukishima pulls away to smirk at you and you roll your eyes as you haul him back in, claiming his lips once again. You find yourself slipping your fingers under his shirt, feeling his smooth radiant skin.

He breaks the kiss once again, kissing down to your collarbone, all the way down to your thighs. You’re too out of it to notice that both of his hands were already wrapped around your thighs to keep your hips in place as he stared face to face with your cunt.

“So pretty,” He beams, you conceal your mouth with your hand to prevent a moan from slipping out your lips and tsukishima smilingly shakes his head in disapproval.

“Ah, Ah, Ah” He tuts, “I wanna hear you, okay? Can you do that for me pretty?”

You mindlessly nod, hoping the blond-haired boy would grant you some mercy due to how fucked out you were, but being his usual sadistic self, he wants to hear you struggle to beg for him.

“Please,”

“Please what?” He brings his thumb and strokes it on your clit, then abruptly stops to take some of your wetness and spreads it around your cunt.

“Mmm, please eat me out-- please!”

“Of course, all you had to do was ask, dummy.” He laughs out, you’re too fucked out to even care about the jokes he makes at this moment.

Tsukishima immediately dives down and latches his tongue on your clit harshly, your legs tensing up immediately at the contact.

“Ha!--”

Your hips begin to squirm and tsukishima has to hold them in place and hastily pushes two fingers inside curling up, almost instantly finding your g-spot. You immediately grip his hair, tugging on it which gets a groan out of the man below you.

“Shh. listen,” Tsukihsima’s thrusting slows down as he pulls his mouth away. Instead, his thrust are hard and slow and the lewd noises coming from your cunt make you blush even harder than before. “Do you hear the naughty noises your cunt’s making?”

You want to hide away, somewhere, anywhere. You can’t help the squelching noises your cunt’s making, maybe if he stopped thrusting harder it would go away, but you don’t want him to. He observes the way you try to hide away in the sheets and his thrust instantly quickens, striking a spot you never knew you had.

“Oh-- Oh my God.! ‘M gonna!”

“Yeah? You gonna cum? Cmon, do it. I know you can, baby. Give it to me.” You nod your head furiously. Tsukishima quickly latches his lips onto your clit again, sucking harshly and you can’t help the way your legs close in on his head.

“C-Cumming!” With one final strangled scream, Your walls convulse around his fingers, tsukishima’s thrusting slows down to prevent overstimming.

Slowly, Tsukishima pulls his fingers out, examaning his two fingers and spreading them before tasting them.

“You fucking perv!” You laugh out, still trying to catch your breath.

“I can’t help myself when it comes to you.”

“Kei?”

“Yeah?” He left the room and came back with a damp towel and began to clean you up. It was a comfortable silence, he looked concentrated and you couldn’t help but admire the man above you.

“If it’s about me finishing y/n, then I’m fine. Trust me.”

“No, I just realised.. We never talked about-- y’know.”

He looks at you and smiles, then places the damp towel away and once he comes back he plops down on you.

“You’re gonna squish me, you big giant!” You laugh. Tsukishima, on the other hand, rests his head on your stomach and hugs you by the waist.

“I’m tired. Let’s go to sleep.”

“Hey, don’t try to change the subject--”

“Let’s talk about it tomorrow, kay?”

You were about to argue back until you slightly lifted your head to see tsukishima already asleep on your stomach. His glasses were already placed somewhere. You smile to yourself before sighing and caressing his hair. He is such a softie.

“Yeah, sure.”

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[help-im-a-gay-fish]

The Night of the First Mistake

Sequel to

Synopsis: pre X-orcist, almost a year after Nightmare's death, Dream is still not on top of his grief and causes him to resort to desperate measures.

Tw mentions of death/dead loved ones.

X-orcist au belongs to me and @zu-is-here

Dreams, Demons and Desires is by me.

Enjoy

Almost a year had past since he'd last seen Nightmare. The skeleton couldn't say he had mourned him, but the news of his death had been unfortunate to say the least. Who could have seen someone like Nightmare dying in such a preventable way? Not him, that's for sure.

He was a friend... Or at least a friendly acquaintance, clearly he'd not been quite close enough to Night's inner circle to be invited to the funeral. He'd never even met Night's brother. Despite that, the news of his parting had deeply saddened him and every so often, he thought of him with a sigh.

A good customer and a good person.

This evening, Nightmare played at his thoughts again, probably drudged up by the anniversary of the accident approaching, he hadn’t meant to make note of the day, but he had. a few weeks would be the anniversary of the day he heard the news. 

He thought back to a year ago, a few weeks before his death. The words he’d said about his brother and the increasing frustration about his sinful thoughts. Killer didn't judge him for such feelings, he was no stranger to sin.

Other then that, there was nothing at all strange about this night.

Tonight, just like any night, he was in his shop and the counter. It was a cold October and pretty soon he'd be closing up.

It was dark and chilly in his shop and had a strangely pungent smell, which hit the moment you walked in. A mix of crushed herbs and spices, old books and stale coffee.

An old set of scales sat on the counter top in front of him, as did a till, several glass jars and containers and a large collection of dirty coffee mugs.

Behind him there was a large book case full of many strange books. Ones with faded titles, ones with thick leather bindings, some with large strains spreading across the covers or pieces missing. If you asked him, he'd liked to have said that he'd read all of them... But there were a few he hadn't. He wasn't much of a reader outside of this collection.

As he nursed yet another cup of coffee from the café next door, he tapped his slender skeleton fingers on the counter top. He was bored.

With a glance at the clock, he decided today that he could close up early. It was his shop after all, he made the rules. A small collection of trinkets and charms hung around his neck and clinked together against his old coat, as he got to his feet.

Just as he prepared to take today's earnings from the till to count it, he heard the door and a jingle of the shop bell, indicating someone had entered.

He set an empty eye socket in their direction as they froze, looking nervous.

The person was new, but also something about them was strangely familiar. After scanning them for a moment, his face twisted into a sly smile upon realising who the new comer could be. He turned his face to them fully, staring his pitch eyes right through them. They tensed, which amused him slightly.

"well hello Little Light.... How may I help you"

Dream seemed taken back slightly by the pet name. It wasn't something he was used to. His hands fused with the fastening on his coat.

"uhh Hello.....I’m..... Uh.."

The shop keep chuckled again. Such nervous behaviour wasn't something he saw often from his customers. Looks like it was going to be an interesting night and to think, he was going to close up.

"nervous Lil light?"

Dream once again tensed and shuddered slightly.

"Please.... Don't call me that" he stammered slightly before taking a breath "My name is Dream"

The shop keepers grin got even wider and it made a chill run up Dream's spine. There was something extremely unnerving about this skeleton. Maybe it was the emptiness of his eyes or the strange carvings around them, but Dream was sure that it was more then that.

The atmosphere of the shop was very unsettling and kind of cramped in Dream’s opinion. There were many trinkets, stones, crystals and small animal bones stacked neatly on the shelves. It was this, along with bags of salt and bundles of sage and garlic, that reassured him he was in the right place for what he needed. 

"Dream huh?.... Thought so" he said in a low tone "I'm so glad to finally meet you"

The nervous shifting of his hands continued, as Dream once again tensed even further. He was acting friendly, but it still felt ever so slightly...off.

"h-how do you know me?"

"I knew your brother and I'd recognise that pendant I sold him anywhere" he said, with his eyes looking at Dream's chest.

Dreams fingers quickly shot to the star charm hanging from his neck, and gripped it tight. Looks like this was the right place.

"Not to mention there's your golden eyes" he  continued, shifting his gaze straight into Dream's eye sockets. It was strange how Dream knew where he was looking, even without eye lights.

"he often talked about them......He was right when he said they were very beautiful if I do say so myself~"

Dreams face blushed slightly, but he felt a familiar twist in this chest at the mention of Nightmare and a sinking feeling when he was reminded how Night felt about him. His brother had often complimented his eyes.....

He'd just never really understood it was more then brotherly affection. At least until now.

"I.... Uh" Dream said before clearing his throat "You're Killer.... Aren't you?"

Flexing his fingers, Killer nodded. The grin didn't leave his face.

"looks like my reputation proceeds me"

Dream let go of his necklace and a breath he didn't know he'd been holding. "I thought it might be you.... Based off something he wrote in his diary".

Before Night's accident, Dream had never even considered reading his diary. That was just a basic code of conduct. However, after his death, it became something Dream had often thought about. The diary, and everything else Nightmare owned, now belonged to him. For that reason he'd taken the book out of Nightmare's room.

However, he'd just kept it on his bedside table for almost a year before he finally had the courage to read it.

It had mostly been a fond look over some old memories, some good and some bad. But there were also passages about his feelings for Dream, sometimes written confessions addressed him. Every word was full of truth, longing and pain. Dream had felt it all.

Those had been hard to read, but he'd not skipped a single page and read them each through several times.

Nearer the end of the book, Nightmare had started talking about his interest in the supernatural. Dream remembered his twin getting fascinated in that and spending long evenings talking with him about it over tea and biscuits.

One thing Dream hadn't known about, where his trips to the next town over, where he wrote about finding this shop and the shop keep. This had been where the interest started. It was this that had lead Dream to come here.

"right..." Killer said, downing what was left in his coffee mug and setting in on the counter top.

"well.... What can I help you with?"

Yeah.. Nightmare had written that Killer was always one to cut to the point. Dream knew that what he was going to ask sounded insane and he wasn't even fully sure if Killer was the right person to ask. But at this point he was desperate, he just needed to know. With his grip returning to his brothers pendent, he remembered who he was doing this for.

He took a deep breath.

"Can you bring people back from the dead?"

Killer didn't react visibly to that. But he drew out a long silence. After a little Dream was sure he saw his jaw clench. The silence was completely deafening, broken only by the sound of Killer's fingers tapping the counter top. Dream figured that he was probably struggling to think what to say. After what felt like a life time, he spoke.

"I specialise in charms and equipment for preventative measures to stop spirits inhabiting homes....I do not....." he paused

"I don't try and bring the dead to the living realms".

Dreams face fell. He really shouldn't have been so disappointed, it was a crazy ask. But with the way Killer spoke and what he sold in the shop, he'd felt so close to what he wanted. But maybe it really was just impossible.

He felt tears threatening to spill, he just couldn't take all this guilt anymore. All he wanted to do was tell his brother he was sorry. That night. That kiss. That dam horribly wonderful kiss...and that car. 

"however...." Killer continued.

Dream felt hope flush through at those words and stood up slightly straighter. Killer turned his back to dream and started looking over the bookshelves behind the counter.

He didn't say a word, as Dream curiously watched him. He ran his thumb across the spines of several of the oldest and most dusty looking of them, eventually plucking out a large leather bound book with silver straps.

He walked back over, blowing dust off it as he did, and set it down on the counter with a light thud. The cover was extremely dusty and the leather was cracked and split in several places, yet the title still read fairly clearly and Dreams felt his heart skipped a beat.

The Practice of a Necromancer. Vol one of three. Summoning, Controlling and Banishing.

"I've not read this one fully, but it's been in my collection for years.... I suppose this would be the right place to look"

With that, he slowly opened the book and very carefully started to turn its pages. The paper was completely yellowed and clearly very fragile. There were no photographs, only hand done drawings of various items and also what looked like people, but with strange and uncanny faces. There were also other frightening images that Dream was trying not to look at.

Killer eventually stopped and ran his finger across a page.

"ah ha" he said "to summon a spirit into the living world"

He read over the text for a moment, as Dream watched impatiently. Killer knitted his non-existent eyebrows and narrowed his eyes.

"this stuff sounds overly complicated to me..... so I guess I'm not sure really"

But Dream didn't really seem to be playing much attention to Killer's words now. He was so desperately trying to read the text upside-down. Reading was something that Dream always struggled with anyway, so reading upside down would be near impossible. He reached forward to try and pull the book to him.

But he jumped back in surprise as Killer slapped his hand across the book, sending some dust into the air.

"now now now not so hasty Lil Light" he said returning back to a sweet tone, as he said the a pet name that made Dream's toes curl.

In his haste Dream had forgotten that this was a shop, not a library, so of course he wouldn't just hand it over.

The smaller skeleton knew that the book was probably pricey so it's not like Killer would just let him have it. It was clearly very old and Dream worried that he wouldn't have enough for it, but if he had to pay all the money he had to buy it. He would.

Reaching inside of his pocket, Dream pulled out a bundle of paper money and placed it on the counter and next to the book. Killer looked at it for a moment, before he took it and counted how much money was in the bundle. He ran his fingers across the notes, looking as if he was very tempted and contemplating his next move.

But then, much to Dream's disappointment, he put it back down on the counter.

"I don't want your money dream... That's not what I meant"

An unhappy wine left Dream's mouth, as Killer proceeded to hand his money back to him. Just as he was about to ask why, Killer cut him off.

"it's not for sale"

"but what if I just borro-

"or for rent or loan"

Dreams soul twisted. This felt so Incredibly unfair. He wasn't ever one to really get angry or feel hatred for people. But why had Killer gotten this book down if he didn't intend to sell it? Was he just trying to mess with him?

It was that moment that he wasn't sure he really liked Killer all that much.

He sighed.

"h-how come? Can I do anything to change your mind?"

Killer sadly shook his head.

"Dream....... I like to read the stuff for research purposes not for a practical use"

Dream opened his mouth to object, but killer silenced him.

"and I don't care what you say... but I don't think you're just interested in the topic"

Dream tried very hard not to show disappointment on his face, but of course Killer picked up on it. It upset him that his intentions were so easy to guess. Then again he'd opened with 'can you bring people back from the dead'.

He really should have asked in a different way. Feeling like an idiot, he tried to say that he wasn't intending to use the book in practice. But Killer once again shook his head.

He stood up slightly and gave Dream a sympathetic look, or a sympathetic as he could make it through his cold eyes.

"look....I know you miss him and that's ok I've lost people myself to" he said in a uncharacteristically gentle tone, which sounded fake. 

Dream looked at his feet.

"but the dead need to be left dead. Trying to bring them back never ends well, Nightmare wouldn't want you to get hurt trying to help him"

Dreams eyes stayed fixed on the floor, not wanting to look at killer any longer. He didn't want him to see him cry. He didn't want to look like a baby. Just as he was going to try arguing again, behind him he heard the shop door open and the bell ring

He looked back at Killer seeing he'd straightened up.

"K-killer...." came a soft but slightly panicked voice.

Curiously, Dream looked over his shoulder at the source of the voice. It was another skeleton stood by the door.

In all his life, Dream had never seen someone look to tired. They seem to be slightly younger then Dreams age but it was hard to tell how much. Their appearance was clearly young, but the huge bags under their eyes aged their face several years. The most notable thing about them was that their eye lights where small, indicating that they were on edge.

They were wearing a oversized cream knitted sweater and had a maroon scarf decorated with a paw print pattern tide around their neck. They fiddled with it as their eyes a looked at Killer and then to Dream.

From where he was, Dream could also see them wearing several of the necklaces and charms that Killer a sold, as well as a few layers of bandages around their arms.

Killer hastily exited from behind the counter and approached them.

"Hey Cappuccino......." he said, trying again to sound soft.

Ccino wasted no time in burying his head to Killers chest and wrapping his arms around him.

In response, Killer stumbled slightly and looked momentarily taken back and very uncomfortable. After a moment he sigh, before gently placing an hand on his back.

"hey.....it's ok ya wimp... I'm guessing they're back right?"

Ccino simply nodded, Killer sighed.

"Dream can you show yourself out? I've got to take care of this, we're closing anyway. I'm sorry I couldn't help you better"

As Killer attempted to comfort the shaking skeleton, Dream turned his attention back to the book in front of him. It was just within his reach, the page was tantalising.

It was so clear, a set instructions of the exact thing he'd need to do to reach his goal. 

Killer's warning played in his mind. 

But he knew what he was doing right? It was his brother, what did Killer really know about what Nightmare would have wanted. He didn't know how.... Close... They were. At least he thought he knew.

It was a split second choice.

As Killer continued to try and comfort his companion, he saw Dream hastily exit the shop without saying another word. He stared at the door.

It didn't feel right. 

He narrowed his eyes and stepped back from Ccino slightly.

"hang on"

He walked back to the counter and was relieved to see that the book was still there, however a moment later he noticed something else that make him freeze and curse under his breath.

"what's wrong?" Ccino asked, walking up next to him.

Killer didn't answer and instead picked up his book and looked at it closely to confirm what he saw. When he saw he was right, he near growled.

"Killer?" Ccino asked not seeing the problem.

"look....."Killer said quietly.

He ran his finger down the spine where the pages joined together. Once you looked closely you could see the remnants of torn paper sticking out.

"he took the page"

references coming soon.

[kaiparker-avengerssmut]

Their Doll 11

Silent scream

B.Barnes x Stark!Reader, S.Rogers x Stark!Reader

series synopsis:  y/n Stark, all records of her non existent, and yet Hydra still find her. When she is kidnapped by a certain super-soldier and no one believes her, she finds herself searching for unexpected familiarity in her not-so-distant past.

Series Warnings: smut, violence, torture, swearing

Chapter Summary: y/n gets shut up

Warnings: mentions of violence, swearing

A/n: The timeline in this has been altered, as there I things I wanted to include but I also wanted this fic to follow the storyline/timeline of Winter Soldier and Civil war.So for purposes of this fanfic, Peter Parker was discovered by Tony at a much younger age - when he was bitten - and has been an intern with him since, almost like a protégée.(For the purposes of this story Peter was bitten much younger too - more like when he was 9 or ten rather than 14/15)

Masterlist | Series Masterlist

"Fuck you." I snapped, mustering all the saliva I could before spitting it at his face. He flinched back when it splattered over his cheek, his fingers swiping through the spittle before he was shaking it from them and standing back to his full height.

"It appears this one is never going to cooperate. If she won't give us information, why let our experimentations on her possibly...benefit the girl the the future?" The general spoke menacingly to the guards behind me. "How about way find a way to shut her up?"

My heat thudded so hard in my chest it was like someone was punching me from the inside, all air knocked from my lungs before I was being hoisted up to my feet again with two rough grips on my upper arms. My chest heaving, I coughed a ragged breath before composing myself. The glint of the silver blade in the corner of my vision sent my eyes bugging out of my skull and my mind into a flat panic.

So, I did what any rational person with my capabilities would do. I began to hum the deep melody - one a seldom sung - and a smirk crawled its way onto my now curved lips. Clearly, the general was prepared, but the two guards behind we weren't so lucky.

A desperate cry pierced my tune, harmonising with my voice as I heard the havoc I was causing. This was the first time I'd enjoyed a kill, the very first time I'd wanted to use my powers for such a horrific reason. I'd only ever used this part of my power a few times, but this was the only time I'd been fully lucid whilst doing so.

Some people want nothing more than to blow their enemies' brains out, and trust me when I tell you; It felt good.

However, luck was never on my side, and the General had come full prepared. He wasn't even affected, it must've been something to do with the funny earpiece he was wearing.

As my eyes met his, the General's face held non of the cocky, smug tones that I'd expect. No, the only word I could use to describe his old and crinkled features was pure ire, and it was directed at me.

"You conniving, vile little bitch!" He snarled, the flash of silver weeding a sense of utter and complete dread, tangled with fear inside of me, uprooting my confidence. I don't remember a lot after that, to tell you the truth. I know the blade sliced along my throat. I know everything was rained black. And that's about it.

...

Awakening with a gasp was the last thing I expected to happen. The sight of the blade risen in front of the general burned into my mind, almost as if it'd been scorned against my flesh. But here I was: awake, gasping for breath, completely surrounded by doctors I'd never seen before.

My hand instantly flew to my neck, a stinging sensation pulsing from the delicate skin. I hissed as my sweaty palm made contact with the bandage, the material corse and scratchy against my skin. As a doctor waddled over to me, needle in hand, I flailed desperately, a silent scream ripping from my throat.

Hang on a second-

Silent scream? I tried again, the shrill noise that should be tearing from me simply vanishing as it hit my throat. My eyes widened with the realisation, my bottom lip wobbling as I suddenly pieces together what had happened.

He said he'd have to shut me up, didn't he? The thought made me want to scream loudly, that the blade had touched my skin and left me with no defence.

They took away the hell they'd reigned upon me, something I'd wished I could be rid of for years, and now I was disappointed. Maybe this was their plan all along, that little voice in my head sang. The tears pricked at my eyes, which rolled back lazily as the scratch of the needle poked at my neck.

...

My calloused fingers ran over the cut tirelessly, trying to itch somewhere that I could never seem to find. I don't know how long I was sedated for, but since waking up the bleeding had stopped and there was now an offensive red line that slid horizontally across my neck.

Every time I touched it, it coaxed a wince from me, and yet that's all I seemed to do. It was like poking a bruise, I guess. The more it hurts the more you want to do it.

They'd returned me to my cell, clearly very little need for restraints against my weakened, starved and dehydrated body. I could see the flesh thinning on my arms, my ribs pressing painfully against my skin. Not only could I see the hunger, but I could feel it.

Manifesting, biting, gnawing hunger. The type that are you from inside out, devouring everything of you until the only thing you could think about was eating. Huh, I guess I was already at that stage then.

My eyes remained locked in place, glossy with the endless tears as I stared at the floor. If I really looked hard enough, the still wet blood smeared over the floors of the hallway resembled something close to strawberry jam. The thoughts of the sickly sweat substance spread over a perfectly toasted piece of bread, accompanied with a big glass of fresh orange juice and washed down by a large coffee made my mouth water. The booming rumble in my stomach made the groan, even more drawn out than expected when I remembered all I'd get to eat today: a small bread roll and a tiny glass of water.

Sadly, the sink in my cell did not contain drinking water. The liquid was so discoloured that I purposely avoided washing me hands, preferring to possible have my own germs coating my hands than whatever they were giving me. I'm not kicking you about, I genuinely think the water was filtered through a clump of fucking horse shit, mixed with fish guts and complimented with a hint of rotting fruit. If I could help it, I'd be dodging that water like the plague (if it didn't contain one already) for the rest of my life.

I'm not really sure why, but my head snapped up in surprise why the door sprang open, a single guard entering.

"The general requires your presence." He deadpanned, eyes cold as eyes and sharp as a knife as they stabbed through me. I wanted to fight back, stay glued to the spot and snap back some snarky remark, but in my current condition I almost couldn't bring myself to care where I was about to be taken, or why for that matter.

I stood without a word, silently following the man until we reached an unfamiliar metal door. I found it almost laughable, really, that they'd reduced my strength so much, that no one even considered putting me any sort of restraints anymore.

The door was pushed open with a child-like whine emitting from its rusty hinges, the metal scraping over the concrete floor painfully. The guard simply grabbed my arm before tugging me into the room, letting the door shut behind his with a hollow thunk.

"Ah, she has arrived!" The general's voice exclaimed, a deviant smile spreading over his thin lips. "And just in time to meet Mr Pierce, too." He said menacingly.

I felt embarrassed, exposed, stood before the room of men. My hair was a mess, tears streaking my reddened face, eyes puffy from crying and the only clothes a wore was a now-battered hospital gown. My eyes darted around nervously, trying to avoid the blonde man sat before me, chin resting in his palm as he surveyed me.

"Why is this one...important?" The man asked, eyeing me up and down before his eyes seemed to fixate on my neck. The scar.

"This," the general spoke, but Mr Pierce kept his eyes on me, "is Miss y/n Stark." Mr Pierce's eyes widened ever so slightly, but it was barely noticeable.

"As in Tony Stark?" Pierce pondered.

"The very same." The general smirked.

"She seems awfully...quiet, for a Stark." Pierce said with almost a hint of disgust, eyes still glued to my shaking frame.

"That's because we shut her up." The general snapped, awfully harshly.

"Is that the scar? How fresh is it?" Pierce jabbed his questions, curiosity clearly becoming him in the moment.

"Indeed. Our doctors here are very good, Sir. They had her all patched up and out of bandages in just three days." The general bragged, shoulders back and head held high as if he was posing for a portrait.

"I see." Pierce mused, brows furrowed in thought. "What do you plan to do with her? Now that she can't tell you anything?"

"Oh, trust me, sir. She wasn't giving anything up either way," he paused, striding over to me and yanking my head back with a fistful of hair, my back mow  pressed to his chest and his mouth at my ear, "isn't that right, sweetheart?"he clarified, and I didn't hesitate to nod my head as much as his grip would allow.

"So why isn't she dead?" Pierce gritted, seemingly annoyed. "It's not like Tony's attached to her, he never looked for her and I've never even heard him mention her."

"But then they'll keep coming. I don't want the avengers on my back, and I'm sure you don't either." Pierce hummed in agreement. "She's with them - her and that Captain America guy arrived together - so why not use her to send a message?" The general suggested.

...

That's how I found myself tied up, wrists bound and gun to my head as I sat shakily in a chair in the middle of the quinjet. I had no clue how long I'd been since that day, but I do know that I had been sedated once again. The flimsy hospital gown allowed a shiver to chill me, skin  forming goosebumps as I sat before the open door or the quinjet.

"You will tell them exactly as I just did. Got it?" The general pressed, pushing the gun into my head hard enough to make by head throb. Tears biting at my eyes, I nodded furiously, now determined to live with the promise of being free again. "Good. Soldat, make sure she gets back to New York without being seen, I'd hate to have to spill more blood than we intended." The general demanded, a figure rustling its way out of the shadows at the edge of the room. A gasp tore from my throat at the sight of him - clad in black leather and arm as silver as the moon. The soldier - my soldier.

But he simple stared through me, eyes blank and clouded in a coldness I'd never had directed at me from him before.

"And make sure you don't fail this time, soldat." The general snapped. The soldier nodded solemnly, the echoing of boots thudding filling both their ears as the general walked off the ship.

[purplellamanator]

Second part is up for my @shinranweek fic. Above is my AO3 and again here is the fanfic link. There will be one more part that I will post soon. Thanks for anybody that checks it out :) I'll also post it below the cut again.

As it turns out, the ever righteous Kudou-san could be quite the dictator. He determined when she'd have her meals and even when she needed to rest for the night. It made her feel inept and she wanted to argue out. Every time though, she'd bite her lip. It was as if her body didn't want her to and she got the idea she wasn't used to being waited on.

It was actually . . nice. At times she did feel in the same category as a child, but . . . someone was watching over her. Someone cared about her. Well- that's what it tricked her mind into thinking. The girl knew that Kudou-san had no emotional ties to her. He was doing this because he found her wondering around in a park and felt obligated after thinking he caused her to have a brain aneurism.

She wondered how much longer he would deal with her. Though it still had only been two days, there were no leads and she still couldn't remember anything.

"I didn't want you to overexert yourself today." His sudden voice broke her inner musings and her eyes snapped to where he stood before the kitchen stove, stirring something consistently. Blue eyes glancing her way and realizing he had her attention, he nodded. "We can go out and get you some clothes tomorrow if you're up for it though."

The girl sat there, silently for a moment. Honestly, she felt up to it today. Staying inside the house was making her skin crawl almost and she figured her body wasn't used to it. But . . . "I can't ask you to do that for me," she spoke softly as she watched him cook.

"You didn't. I offered," he replied easily before his brows furrowed again. It seemed he was having trouble with whatever he was trying to make. . . Oddly she wanted to get up and help him but she was sure that was overstepping her boundaries. She already felt guilty that he was cooking for her. Kudou-san appeared like he didn't do it often but was making an effort for her. It would probably be best to suck it up and just swallow down whatever he placed before her.

This time, the scrunched features were from the way he caught the girl staring at him. "R-Ran?" He stumbled over the name embarrassingly, not at all used to or comfortable calling her that nickname quite yet.

Eyes widening and realizing that she was still staring blankly at the poor guy while he attempted to make their dinner, her cheeks heated a bit and she glanced at the wood of the table. "Have those detectives figured anything out?" Ran said suddenly to cover up the awkwardness.

Kudou-san frowned and shook his head as he began grabbing plates down from the far cabinet. "Not yet. There're still looking though," he spoke quickly hoping his first words hadn't discouraged her. "These things can take time."

Well she hadn't remembered anything and how much of his 'time' was he willing to waste on this? Surely he didn't plan on allowing her to live here with him forever. He'd probably realize how much of a bother this really was and take her back to the park where he originally found her, leaving her there alone like he was releasing a stray dog.

Suddenly Ran didn't feel so hungry and after the plate of whatever this was supposed to be was placed in front of her, she really didn't want to eat anything. Schooling her features however, she sucked it up and cleared the plate. He had helped her so much- the least she could do was eat the dinner he tried really hard to make. And somehow she knew and understood just how hard he really had tried.

She was found out however when Kudou-san took one bite and wrinkled his nose in disgust. "This tastes like crap," he admitted and she actually laughed at how bluntly he had said those few words. The man just seemed amazed that she had even ate the whole dish in front of her. He went so far as to scrape his in the trash.

"I can get better at that," Kudou-san promised so seriously but all she could do was chuckle at how earnestly he said it. Didn't he understand she was lucky to even have a meal tonight?

"So, since I don't think I'm the best choice for a shopping partner, I invited a couple friends along."

Ran glanced at him surprised but then again he did have a point. She highly doubted he wanted to spend his entire evening in a mall packed full of girls clothes shopping. "Where will you go though?" she questioned curiously. She couldn't help but wonder, after all, Kudou-san was the only thing she recognized anymore.

He shrugged. "Probably the book store- that's them right over there," he pointed ahead.

Standing some feet away still was a girl and a guy. Both seemed to be about her age though she still wasn't sure what that was quite yet. Doctor Araide had estimated her age to be around her early twenties from the development of her bone structure.

The two had yet to realize they had company and Ran's eyes widened from the language sprouting from the twos mouths'. If it wasn't the heavy dialect that caught her attention, it was the crude and abrasive names they called each other. The girl whom she had assumed would be so kind with her dark hair tied up with a ribbon was shouting equally as loud as the annoyed looking dark skinned boy.

It took Kudou-san clearing his throat before either party even began to quiet down. When they did, they both appeared equally embarrassed as the other at being caught in such a heated discussion. That didn't stop them from continuing to glare at each other from the corner of their eyes.

Eyes narrowed as well, Kudou-san directed their attention to the one unfamiliar face. "This is Ran. Ran- this is Hattori Heiji and Toyama Kazuha-chan." All the while the scowl was firmly in place on his features at the fact the two couldn't get it together just for a few minutes. They still had yet to stop frowning at the other as if they were straining themselves terribly from not yelling again.

Feeling the aggravated tension, Ran swallowed the trepidation down her throat. "It's nice to meet you both," she began and was thankful she bowed her head slightly so they couldn't see the wince she gave from how uncomfortable she sounded. When she straightened she very nearly fell over.

"She is cute." Ran had lifted her head only to come face to face with the girl whom seemed to be scrutinizing her closely. Realizing just what the girl said, her cheeks enflamed brightly.

"Stupid. You're embarrassing her," the man- Hattori? snapped. That got Kazuha-chan's attention off her fast and Ran took the time to scoot closer to Kudou-san.

It took Kudou-san clearing his throat again before either person quieted down again; both looking equally annoyed. "Ran needs clothes so I figured you could help her with that," he directed to Kazuha without any explaining. He probably wanted to get it all out before they started arguing again.

A card was suddenly placed in her line of sight and Ran stared at Shinichi, confusedly. "Just use this. Buy whatever you'd like." He placed the card in her hand considering she hadn't made a move to do so herself.

She stared at the card for a second before glancing up at him. "Where are you going?" she asked again but didn't pay any mind to how the other two stared curiously. Nothing against this Kazuha girl but she wanted to stick with the only familiar face she had and that was Shinichi.

"Hattori and I will probably wonder around. Whenever you're done or if you need something, Kazuha can call me," he shrugged to show her it was no big deal. He was but a phone call away.

This time she did blush a little from how attached she was appearing. She barely even knew Shinichi yet she already felt like he was the only thing she did have. Her only constant in the past few days.

Still not really liking that she'd be walking around without him, Ran nodded slowly with a small grin and they were off. It was quite embarrassing how she kept turning back while they were walking away. She did it every few feet until she couldn't do it no more and each time Kudou-san was standing there looking back at her as if he knew she needed that reassurance that he was right there.

If Kazuha noticed- and Ran was positive she did, she was respectful enough not to comment. And Kazuha simply led the way though she remarked multiple times she was from Osaka and didn't have a clue where all the good shops were. They decided they would stop at any place that seemed promising.

Shinichi stared at the girl's retreating back as it got further and further away. He watched her go until she got lost in the crowds of the other mall shoppers and he could see the girl no more. For some reason he felt a nervousness go through him now that she was out of sight.

"Not bad, Kudou."

And Shinichi startled at the reminder he was not alone either. A brow raised at the sudden comment.

Hattori, whom had also been glancing that way at first looked back at him with a knowing smirk. "She is cute."

Cheeks tinting a light pink, the half lidded glare he sent the Osakan man was impossible to hide. Why was he even surprised? He should've known better than to admit that to Hattori of all people. Still, as a last defense, the man said, "I never said she was cute."

"You said she was 'very pretty'. Same thing," he waved off.

The fact his face got redder had him mildly annoyed. "And you told Toyama-san," he accused.

They were already milling about the walkway and avoiding other passerby as they went. "Man, I live in the same house as that woman. Not that I told her myself- she overheard us talking but you think I'm going to lie about that? Trust me; it's not worth the argument."

Shinichi shook his head but honestly, he wasn't that bothered. Ran was pretty but it didn't change the fact that this was a case. The woman wouldn't want to live with him forever and anyone could see the emotional toll this was having on her.

"Have you found anything out? How about those two detectives?"

He shook his head. "Nothing. They're looking into any accidents that may have recently happened as well if anyone's filed a missing persons report but so far nothing."

Hattori pocketed his hands. "Have you tried tracing her memory back? Can she recall anything?"

"I think anytime she gets close to remembering anything, her mind goes into a panic. It's like she doesn't want to remember," he whispered the last part to himself but was sure the other man heard it anyway. It was a little disheartening though. What was something so terrible that had happened to her that she didn't want her memories back? He couldn't decide if it was the accident itself or her actual past life that had her mind subconsciously shielding her. That's what troubled him the most. Maybe she didn't want to know.

"Jeez, I'm starved!" Kazuha said as they waited together in some line of the food court. Just a minute ago she had texted Hattori letting him know to meet them there. Admittedly Ran was anxious to see Shinichi again. She had fun going through the stores and just being with another girl but she missed that one familiar face. She briefly wondered if he'd be mad by how much she spent and she glanced at the multiple bags she carried in her arms.

A little uncomfortable at first, Ran hadn't wanted to use that credit card given to her. It didn't help that nothing bought in a mall came cheap- even something so small as a pretzel she discovered. But after that, Ran wasn't sure how long they had been. She honestly had lost track of time and was enjoying herself. She was quite fond of this Kazuha girl and she liked her humor even more. Even though Shinichi had given her free reign with his bank account, she was sure to only swipe it on things she really liked. But had there been some unspoken price limit on how much she could use? Would he be mad? Now she was a little nervous to see him.

So trapped in her thoughts, she failed to notice her surroundings. She didn't catch any of the mindless chatter Kazuha was spewing beside her. She barely caught on to when the cashier was asking her what she'd like. So when the people surrounding her started gasping and a commotion began, she hadn't know until Kazuha gripped her arm tightly getting her attention. Blinking, she looked first at the girl in confusion before realizing she was staring somewhere else entirely.

Right before them was a man standing clad in sweats and a t-shirt. He appeared disgruntled and crazed and if that weren't enough to show he wasn't thinking, it was the fact he held a gun tightly in his grasp as he pointed it at them.

Ran could only raise a brow. Unlike in the doctor's office or when she met those detectives, fear was not her initial reaction. If anything, the surprising amount of irritation and annoyance that hit her almost made her giggle. Some man was pointing a gun at her and she wanted to laugh?

Then, "Step aside!" the man practically spit out and she realized he was talking to her. And now she was understanding the gun wasn't for her- it was for Kazuha.

The girl beside her stiffened at that but finally released the grip on her arm, as if silently giving Ran the okay to move out of the line of fire. Clearly the target wasn't her so why should she get shot?

Ran didn't move. If anything her stature straightened and her stance became even more firm where it stood. Ran didn't understand the way her body was having her react. Truthfully, she had wanted to move. She didn't want to die and the guy had a gun. But something was telling her she didn't have to be scared. That she would be okay.

"Move!" He barked again and there were gasps in the crowd when he cocked the gun.

Kazuha was tugging at her arm again now only gently. She was asking her to move like everybody else that had fled away from her the moment they realized she was the target. To get out of the way. She didn't want her to get hurt. "Ran-"

Taking the hand that was shoving her away lightly, Ran gripped it and practically threw her down behind her as she stepped forward. She didn't know what was coming over but she understood what her body wanted perfectly. She didn't have to be afraid and she didn't have to move.

Of course that didn't go over so well with the man standing in front of them and his face contorted in an angry snarl as he prepared to shoot.

Time seemed slower in that moment. So slow, Ran actually found the time to feel her lips tilt up at the sides the barest bit. Her eyes scanned his shaky stance and her grin almost broadened. People probably thought she was crazy but she didn't care in that moment for some reason. Not for the first time she felt trapped in someone else's body.

Then he pulled the trigger.

Screams rang out around them- the more prominent one being her name. But she barely paid them any mind. Her body was already steps ahead of her thoughts and instead of the pain of a bullet entering her, she felt nothing except maybe the breeze of it whizzing through her hair where her head had once been. The man didn't have time to blink before she was already before him and dispelling the gun from his grasp. She didn't really know what she had planned to do after that. Fight the criminal in hand to hand? She'd surely lose but now she wasn't so sure of that fact. If anything, her muscles seemed prepared- welcomed the challenge as if she had been holding back too long. Her body felt something familiar and it was latching onto that.

But by far, she was not expecting herself to turn the tables and actually bare the gun in her grasp. That's how she found her stance. One hand tightly clenching the grip; a finger on the trigger and ready to pull in a heartbeat on the criminal now turned victim. What scared her most was that the weapon was actually comfortable in her grasp.

In the still slowed pace of analyzing her own stance, she barely registered the man had dropped to his knees with his hands above his head in surrender. She couldn't tell if she even cared by the way the barrel of the gun followed his every move. Her eyes narrowed the slightest bit, curious as to if he would try to overpower her but the small grin never left her features. It seemed the idea . . . excited her. Yet she was almost at war with herself. Like she didn't want to pull the trigger but she would if she had to.

And then claps resounded around her and she jumped as she glanced around startled. As if snapping back and connecting her body to her brain again, she realized where and what she was doing- and couldn't of been more appalled. They cheered because they thought she was a hero. But she knew the truth. There was nothing victorious or gratifying about wanting to hurt another human being.

Shinichi and Hattori had arrived before the police did but it wasn't long in between. While the man was getting cuffed and Hattori was prattling and worrying over a frightened Kazuha, Shinichi watched her with stunned but puzzled eyes. She couldn't help but feel they were accusing and so she wouldn't meet his gaze anymore after that. Even as they were walking out of the shopping center and saying their goodbyes to the other couple, he stuck tightly to her side.

The car ride had been a silent one so it wasn't until they reached his house that he finally said anything to her. And it wasn't anything she was expecting.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Ran swallowed. Did she? Or would that only serve to make her feel worse when he agreed and called her the monster she was?

"I won't make you. I just want to be sure you're okay," he admitted a little reluctantly.

"Kazuha-chan was the target," she dodged. So if anyone wasn't okay it should be Kazuha.

Shinichi sighed. "It was an old client of Hattori's. The man had come to him because he feared someone was stalking his wife and hired Hattori to find him." Here the man shook his head a little sadly. "Hattori found the culprit eventually but it wasn't in time to save the man's wife."

Briefly, she wondered why Shinichi had to tell her something like that and she had to hide her watery eyes. And client. . . ? Client for what, she had to wonder.

Unaware of her confusion he continued with, "Hattori felt so much guilt over it but the client didn't see it that way. He's being questioned now but I think it's obvious he figured Toyama-san was an equal loss to Hattori as his wife was to him."

"When you say a client to Hattori-kun. . . you mean-"

Shinichi blinked a bit confused before they widened in realization. "Hattori's a detective- like me." He said it so matter of factly as if it were the most obvious thing; as if she should've already known this.

She hadn't.

A detective. Like him. Shinichi-kun is a a detective.

A strange type of panic gripped her heart and for some reason it was mingled with betrayal. Her whole reaction was completely unwarranted though she was sure. She wasn't nearly as freaked as in the doctor's office and she had no excuse to feel betrayed. Shinichi owed her absolutely nothing. If anything, she owed him.

But now blanks were being filled in as Ran processed exactly what this meant. For the entirety of the three days she had known Shinichi, she was constantly asking herself why she was here. What made this stranger walk up to her when all she had been doing was sitting on a park bench? It was clear to her now though that it was due to his own instincts. He was a detective and she saw now that when he discovered her she hadn't only smelt of gasoline but of another case.

Heart beating faster and faster as she broke this down, she had the urge to run. Here she thought this was a friend that saw someone whom needed help. That would keep their promise and keep the involvement of police out of this. Feeling stupid now, the understanding that he agreed to that because he was in fact the police disturbed her greatly. She felt duped.

And she didn't appreciate it one bit.

"Ran?"

The woman startled from her thoughts, completely forgetting that he was standing there and they were holding a conversation. The man looked to be waiting for a response of some kind but she didn't know what she should say; didn't know what she could say. In all honesty, she didn't want to speak to him. The urge to just make a jump for the exit was all she could detect. Were the police already on their way over? Would she be detained? Had he understood what she had felt only moments before when she had almost shot a man?

At this point she was worrying him. She could see it in his face, especially when he stepped closer and asked, "Is your head hurting again? Do you need to lay down?"

Laying down was the last thing she wanted to do.

"You lied to me." It didn't come out angry. It didn't even sound like an accusation; just a fact she was simply saying.

He didn't seem to think so obviously by the way his brows scrunched, puzzled and the almost offended expression he bore.

"You told me there would be no public involvement with this and the entire time you were a detective yourself." The saddest thing was that she couldn't find it in her to be mad. She wasn't surprised he had lied because in all honesty, who wouldn't of called the police? At the time it was blatantly apparent she had been in an accident of some sort. She gave off multiple signs that she needed medical attention and she didn't even have any recollection of her own identity. The best place for her would've been in the hospital's care until they could identify her.

"I don't work for the police!" he hurriedly said before she could give this wrong idea anymore thought. "Well. . I mean- I do sometimes but not directly. I'm my own name," he tried to explain when she could only give him confused glances. "I'm pretty well-known so I work independently."

Well, that explained his arrogant manner when he introduced himself. But then that means. . .

"So you're not hired by the police?" she asked almost meekly.

Shinichi shook his head with a small grin that tilted up only one side of his mouth. "Not right now, no."

Her cheeks turned a light pink. "Oh."

Her heart shot right into her throat when he suddenly took her hands in his. "I made you a promise, Ran." He was speaking so firmly and she could see in his eyes that he thought breaking that promise was not an option.

The need to apologize was all she could think of now. Though she hadn't come at him angrily and annoyed, she had accused him. Words wouldn't come out of her mouth however and as she stood there fumbling in her thoughts wondering why she couldn't voice what she wanted to, her gaze kept flitting from their hands to his cerulean eyes that seemed so close to hers. Her chest was still racing but she got the feeling it wasn't for the same reason as before.

What was wrong with her? Maybe she did need to lie down.

The doorbell rang and Ran wasn't too sure why but a certain amount of relief hit her as if she were saved. Saved from what though she wasn't yet aware.

Dropping her hands at the noise, he glanced towards the front foyer. "It's probably Hiabara."

"I still need to introduce you," he continued and the casual air he had about him made her even more antsy if possible. Clearly nothing was wrong if he was acting perfectly normal. Why was it that she was reacting weirdly?

She needed a moment to gather herself. As it was, her cheeks were still slightly flustered and she had no idea why.

"I'll go grab the clothes," she declared and before he could even say a word she was already strolling from the room. It wasn't all just an excuse. They really did need to grab the clothes because after all, it was more than likely the only reason the other woman was there.

Haibara Ai, as Shinichi told her, was his next door neighbor. She was also the person who was kind enough to lend her some clothes until she could go out and buy some for herself.

Making sure not to take more time than normal, Ran returned to the living room with the clothes freshly cleaned and folded inside a laundry basket. The two were already deep in conversation but it seemed their voices were lowered purposefully for the moment Shinichi saw her enter the room was when he straightened and greeted her- almost pointedly.

The other woman, whom she guessed was the neighbor, was facing away from her when she first entered. It wasn't until she turned around that Ran fully took in the light brown hair that was almost red and also cut short. They both seemed to be about the same age but there was also a certain maturity this woman gave off. Her eyes were a hardened teal almost that seemed like they could cut through anything.

And then the woman's gaze fell on her and all of that fell away.

The steely glint in her gaze fell away in an instant as her eyes widened almost impossibly. Eyes doing an automatic scan, Ran watched as her body stiffened to the point that she looked like a string strung so tightly and was prepared to snap. Almost subconsciously, the woman took a step back in what looked like a retreat. It almost seemed like she was trying to hide behind Shinichi.

The smile Ran had originally had on from about to meet this woman for the first time slowly fell away. The brown whicker basket in her hands seemed to feel heavier and heavier by the second. "Um. . . Thank you for the clothes. I-I washed them." She placed the clothes on the coffee table as she stood there uncomfortably. The tension was so thick in the room she was wishing she had made some other excuse or even agreed earlier with Shinichi that she needed to lay down.

Haibara didn't say a single word in response. Ran was sure the woman hadn't even heard her. The only form of acknowledgement was the way those teal eyes watched her every movement as they were stretched wide in what appeared to be terror.

Shinichi cleared his throat. "Haibara, this is Ran- the one I told you about," he admitted. "Ran, this is Haibara Ai. My neighbor."

They both heard the words but it really just passed from one ear right out the other. The two both seemed to be locked in some sort of stare off. Only thing, Ran couldn't understand why. This woman was staring at her as if she were the scariest thing she had ever had the displeasure of seeing.

When Haibara still appeared to be anything less than willing to actually speak to her, Ran forced a smile. "I- I think I'll take a quick shower. Thanks for the clothes- nice meeting you," she said softly but kindly before turning and slowly strolling from the room.

She really had originally planned on going to her room to shower. But something inside of her, that she choked up to the same person as in that mall earlier- a more dishonest and curious side, didn't go far. Only taking a few steps down the hall to give the appearance of her exit, Ran quietly made her way back to the doorway hidden and out of sight.

It was quiet in the other room, to the point Ran almost suspected she had been found out and she should just leave like she had said. But then. . .

"What's with that attitude?"

It was Shinichi and she figured he took so long to speak because he wanted to make sure she actually had left. He spoke differently though. Where as with her his tone was usually patient and calming, this voice was marred with irritation and disapproval.

Even more silence stretched on like that and Ran was beginning to think this Haibara Ai was mute. She had still yet to hear the other woman's voice.

Shinichi seemed to get annoyed after that. "Why wouldn't you talk to her? Do you have to be so rude all the time?" The last part was said a little frustratedly as if the way this woman spoke to Ran was a big deal.

"You need to call the police."

If it weren't the actual words that were spoken, Ran would've stiffened either way. That voice had not been one she was expecting no matter how mature and stern the girl appeared. It was very feminine but the underlining hardened edge to it wasn't hard to detect. But her words however. . . Call the police? Over what? Shinichi voiced as much.

"She's dangerous," Haibara said curtly.

"That's ridiculous! You don't even know her-!"

The interruption came swiftly.

"She's one of them."

Silence again. Ran leaned closer to try and pick up on anything but she couldn't even detect their breaths. One of who?

"Do you have any proof?" His voice was tight and controlled but it was clear he forced out the words between clenched teeth.

Haibara sighed. "You know my proof, Kudou-kun."

"That's not proof. Even if I wanted to believe-"

"You said she dodged a bullet." She paused for added effect. "She disarmed a fully grown man. Is that normal?"

"Being trained in the martial arts is not odd. And you seem to know a lot about her. A lot more than even she does at the moment so if that's the case, please do tell," he snapped almost sarcastically.

"Rum."

Ran could practically feel the tension. Could just feel the way he stiffened and his breath hitched from just that one word. But what did it mean? If she was supposedly dangerous and this the reason, she didn't get it.

"S-she's-" His tone was shaken from just more than being stunned. Truthfully she thought she heard fear.

"No, but she's almost a close second."

"Who is she?"

"A personal favorite to the second in command and a pampered lap dog," Haibara grunted in distaste not at all hiding how demeaning she meant the comment to be. "When she was first introduced in to the Organization and members saw how closely she was sheltered, rumors started going that she was kept around for. . personal entertainment. She rarely showed her face any more than Rum himself- I've seen her just once. But when she did, she was never alone."

Personal entertainment. . The words echoed around her thoughts and Ran swallowed down the nasty thought.

"But it was quickly proven that she was more than just a pretty face. One by one, members were just suddenly dropping- all of which were proven later to be undercover agents. CIA, FBI- there were numerous."

"Sorting out the traitors," Shinichi voiced his thoughts.

There was agreeance in Haibara's tone. "Her innocence and beauty that she radiated made it easy for her to be underestimated then- made it easy for you to underestimate her now," she said pointedly. "She's a master of deception; manipulative. When work isn't getting done and the boss wants results, they send her in."

"But she doesn't know that."

"Or that's just what she wants you to think. You're not thinking of her as the dangerous criminal that she is."

"If she does have her memory and she does in fact know who she is, then what would be her reason to fake that?" It sounded rhetorical like he wanted her to answer to prove a point but the woman answered anyway.

"To kill me. I turned my back on them and that's not something the Organization will take lightly," Haibara responded. "And you've been hiding me as well as trying to expose them."

"If what all you say about her is true, wouldn't you be dead already. And not just you but me as well for helping you? You always say the Organization works quickly, don't you?"

There was quiet after that and Ran got the feeling the woman didn't know how to respond to that. Deep down she probably felt that Shinichi was right. He really was after all. She had no idea what either of them were talking about. Organization? Rum? Trained operative? None of this was making any sense to her but if they knew who she was, shouldn't they tell her?

"I'm telling you, you don't know what you're dealing with," Haibara bit out. "We can't trust her."

"I trusted you. What is the difference between you and her?" he argued.

"The difference is that I didn't kill anyone."

"I'm sure others would debate that."

There was a sharp intake of breath and Ran assumed it was Haibara taking offense. Releasing a shaky breath she finally said, "Even if that were the case and she really can't remember- what will you do when she does gain her memory? After all of what I told you, you know what she's capable of now."

"Then we have until then to show her a better way."

"This could jeopardize everything we worked for," she whispered harshly and it was clear she did not agree at all. "She's practically the princess of the Organization. They'll have every agent searching for her and allowing her to stay here will only paint a giant target on our backs."

Disregarding what the other woman just said, Ran heard the rustle of the whicker basket being moved and she prepared to make a hurried escape. "I'll let you know if anything changes with Ran-" It was obvious he was giving her a dismissal but not for the first time that night, Haibara interrupted him.

"Champagne."

Again, she had to wonder what was with all the alcohol. Was it some code? She had already been saying Rum every few seconds and now she was talking about Champagne.

"What?" Shinichi sounded as confused as her thoughts. And then Ran slowly caught on.

"Her name is Champagne."

Just narrowly making an escape before she was discovered by the neighbor or Shinichi, Ran actually ran to take a shower. That's what she said she would do and how fake she'd look if she returned with dry hair.

She entered the kitchen in a fresh pair of clothes and loose, wet hair to find Shinichi- again, standing over a stove almost hectically. There was a book open on the counter beside him and she watched with amusement as he kept glancing hurriedly from the pages back to the stovetop again.

He had no clue what he was doing.

She shook her head before stepping further into the room. "What are you making?"

The real question was, 'what was he trying to make'. It was obvious he was struggling and she actually felt guilty for wanting to laugh.

Shinichi turned to face her a little jerkily and she really could see now just how much trouble he was having. "Uh. . curry. . I think. . " And something bubbled making a loud popping noise from the pan making him jump his attention back to the stove.

He thinks? How can he not know what he's making?

Before she could even understand what she was doing, her body was already taking more steps till she stood beside him. Now she had a perfect view of the less than perfect . . curry? She wasn't even sure now.

He scoot over a bit while giving her a slightly annoyed glance. "What are you doing-?"

"Do you need help?" It was a question but she was already sliding the wooden spoon from his hand before he could even respond. Their fingers brushed a bit but she didn't pay it any mind and began stirring the pan slowly.

Shinichi appeared to want to protest but again she was already moving before he could get a word in. "This is a bit too high," she commented almost to herself as she turned the burner down and then she was swiping a finger in the sauce and tapping it on her tongue. Her features scrunched the slightest bit and she hoped the man hadn't caught that.

Looking at the recipe displayed in the book, Ran took some of the spices Shinichi already had set out and mixed some more into the mix. Tasting it again she nodded before angling the spoon towards him so he could taste. "It was a little too spicy," she spoke as he blankly swiped a finger into his mouth with the sauce. "See? Is that better?"

He bore an amazed look and she hoped that could only mean he approved.

"If you'd like, I can finish this if you want to set the table," she offered and almost laughed at how fast he made an escape. Honestly, she didn't think she could watch him struggle over cooking her another meal again. And for some reason, she didn't mind cooking either. If anything, she'd say she rather enjoyed it.

And Ran wasn't sure how long she took to fix- finish the curry he had started. But when she finished and was wiping her hands on a dishrag to tell him it was ready to start serving, she found he was already standing in the doorway watching her.

From the way his cheeks flushed and his eyes flit away, it was clear he hadn't been expecting her to turn around just yet. How long had he been standing there and watching her? Was she doing something wrong?

She glanced away nervously herself. "It's done," she spoke softly.

He cleared his throat. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to stare," and she was stunned to hear him actually apologizing. It wasn't like he had really done anything wrong anyway. "I just feel I need to keep an eye on you," he explained and unknowingly to him it struck a nerve.

"Because I'm dangerous." And his head shot up surprised.

Shoot. Her face turned a bright red and her gaze became even more intensified on the kitchen tiles. If she had wanted to keep her eavesdropping a secret it was too late now! Why had she said that?!

She peeked up curious to see if he was angry.

He wasn't. He looked only calm and relaxed. "I thought you would've heard."

Ran only watched him, a bit perturbed. He's not mad? That conversation had obviously been meant to be a secret one.

Shinichi sighed. "No. You're not dangerous."

"But you both said I was a dangerous criminal," Ran argued.

"Haibara thinks that but that's only because she just met you."

She raised a brow. "You just met me," she pointed out.

"Yet your the closest thing to a friend I have- besides Hattori," he shrugged at that. "So no, I don't think you're dangerous."

The girl blushed. He considered her a friend? "I was afraid to tell you earlier- about the mall," she clarified and swallowed her nerves. "When I was fighting that man. . " She shook here head. "I- I felt at ease. I felt relaxed; at home. Like killing a man was second nature to me." And as if her mind was just realizing this for the first time, her indigo eyes began to water.

When the man must've seen she was in the brink of crying, his own eyes widened worriedly. But that didn't stop her tears like he hoped.

Lower lip trembling, she looked at the floor again. "I felt like a monster. I was standing there pointing a gun at that man and all that was running through my head was how I could actually pull the trigger and not care. Who could kill another human being- take a life, and not care?"

Shinichi remained quiet, still not quite sure what to say. He hadn't expected her to start talking about the mall. But the quivering voice and guilt ridden face she wore almost broke him. And it made it apparent to him that she really had needed to talk about it.

"I am a monster," she finished. "Your friend is right. I am dangerous and you should have me locked away."

Almost angrily, the man stormed closer to her. "You are not a monster. You're not anything like those black crows."

"But you can't know that. I can't fully remember what I was like," she said dejectedly. "I can't even remember my own name."

Ran startled when he gripped her shoulders firmly.

"You decide."

Her eyes went wide.

"You decide what your name is. It's your choice."

"The fact that you're so repulsed by the possibility of killing anyone is all the evidence I'll ever need. I don't believe you're capable of ending another person's life," he spoke truthfully with his face as serious as she'd ever seen.

She choked. "But in the mall-"

"Did you shoot him?"

"No, but-"

"Did you want to?"

"No!" The thought almost pained her and made her voice come out horror filled.

"Then I don't think you're dangerous," he concluded easily.

He made it sound so simple. Made everything so clear when it really was not. Neither of them had any way to know if she was innocent or not. His own friend he obviously consulted with warned him against her. How could he still feel the way he does?

He tilted her chin up slightly so she would look at him and the action made her heart jump again. "You're thinking too hard. Let's eat and I think you should rest."

She disagreed wholeheartedly. She felt perfectly fine and she had already gone a complete week without an incident. But she couldn't find it in herself to argue with the man. And especially, for some odd reason, when he touched or looked at her like that.

Ran nodded slowly and he dropped his hand with an arrogant smirk as if he knew all along she'd agree. "Well, let's start dishing it out."

And she was stuck staring at his retreating back wondering, not for the first time, what was he doing to her?

[emma-nation]

The Devil In I - Bela x OC (Resident Evil Village AU) - Chapter 7

“Step inside, see the Devil in I”

Summary: Aleena Novak is a 19 years old orphan who desired more than living in a village in the middle of nowhere. A talented artist with a big future ahead, she gets the scholarship of her dreams in United States. But everything changes when her twin brother, Auryk, steals an important artifact from Castle Dimitrescu.

In this adventure, Aleena will find way more than she expected.

“You’ll realize I’m not your Devil anymore”

Pairing: Bela Dimitrescu x f!OC

Genre: Between T and M (Trigger warning for violence, blood, abuse and eventual smut)

Tag List: @nydeiri

Notes: Thank you for all the reviews, follows and likes! It means a lot to me.

Trigger Warning: Language, abuse, blood and violence.

Castle Dimitrescu, Guest Room - Present Days

Two days had passed and I was still trying to process what was happening. How could my life change so drastically again? I could no longer count on my twin brother, who I considered to be my best friend, the person I trusted the most in the entire world. I was filled by the same emptiness, the same sorrow I felt when my mother died. My life was in the palm of his hands and he was letting me go.

"Relax your shoulders, love," Bela whispered softly in my ear. "You're so tense."

Bela was the only person who still made me smile in the middle of all that chaos. She was helping me to find any clues in the diaries, about Miranda and about Auryk too. But for that, we had to work really fast.

We were sneaking back in the village everyday, it wasn't safe to bring those notes to the castle where Bela's mother and sisters could easily find. I prayed the weather wouldn't change and temperatures remained high. In another case, we wouldn't be able to go to my house again and my time with Lady Dimitrescu was running out.

Meanwhile, we were also working on overcoming my intimacy issues. Being intimate without having sex yet. First, we undressed each other completely. I had to know her body and allow her to know mine. I looked at the perfection of Bela's features for a second, before I was invaded by a mix of embarrassment and discomfort. It was the first time I was seeing a woman, completely naked, in front of me.

When I looked at her again, she was gazing at my body like if she was admiring a masterpiece in an art exhibit. At first, I was shy. I blushed and crossed my arms, as if I had any reasons to hide myself. Bela smiled. In that moment I knew she was appreciating me and that made me feel better.

"You're gorgeous, aren't you?" Bela lifted up my chin, forcing me to look at her, to see it in her eyes she was being truthful on her words.

"No more than you," I gathered some courage to move forward and extend my hand, touching a little bit of her soft skin, her arms, her chest, her stomach... then I stopped.

"This is okay," she assured me. But she understood that, in that moment, it was enough for me.

We both entered the bathtub, where I positioned myself in front of Bela and allowed her to take care of me. She gently rubbed my body with a sponge, starting by my back. Then, she moved to my front, rubbing my breasts, my stomach, my tights. Though we were in silence, she seemed to understand my limits, my barriers. Noticing how stressed I looked, she decided to give me a massage. I relaxed my shoulders as she told, focusing myself completely on our moment together.

"It's my turn," I told her. "Let me take care of you?"

Bela nodded and switched positions with me. I offered her the same treatment she gave me, but I wasn't so confident, so precise. My shaking hands would often betray me and I was unsure if I was being too gentle or too rough. Yet, she seemed to be enjoying it. I gave a special attention on washing her hair, it was so beautiful, so soft. The way it barely grew on the spot around her scar was a sin. I hated Miranda even more for that.

She rested her head against my chest as I continued to massage her scalp.

"Does it hurt?" I softly traced her scar with my finger.

"It stings sometimes," she sighed.

"I'm sorry."

"Does it hurt?" Bela repeated my gesture, tracing the scar on my forearm.

"No," she never asked, yet I felt I should tell her how it happened. "Adrian told me he found me in the basement cutting myself, right after my mom died. But I don't remember."

"Trauma can block some painful memories."

I knew that very well. I realized how little I remembered the days after my mother's death. My last memory was seeing her mangled body being carried inside our house. Nothing else. I didn't remember her burial or if I managed to say goodbye. I couldn't remember if we had people visiting us or if I was alone with my father. Everything about those terrible days was a blur.

----------

Castle Dimitrescu, Office - Present Days

When Lady Dimitrescu called her daughters for a private meeting that morning, Bela couldn't help feeling anxious and scared. Her mother was usually a woman of her word, but when it came to her reputation with Mother Miranda, she'd become completely blind by rage. Alcina really believed her when she suggested Aleena's brother could be responsible for stealing the Lords and also for the attack to the castle, even when the evidences pointed to the opposite.

"I told you so," while they waited outside, Cassandra was smirking deviously. She was determined to do anything to annoy Bela right in the morning. "It won't well for you. Our mother can't betray Mother Miranda and the other Lords because you've fallen in love with a stupid human girl."

"Shut up," Bela decided she wouldn't give in to her provocations. It was Cassandra's favorite manner to extract information from her. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Do you think we're stupid?" Still, her sister wouldn't stop. "Everyone, except for our mother, has noticed already. Me, Daniela, even Mrs. Volkov. Tell me, Bela. Will you keep pretending when we serve her on a silver plate tonight?"

Bela advanced in her sister's direction. Cassandra quickly dissolved into flies, she did the same. The corridor was a mess of flying insects and buzzing for a few minutes, before they had to shape back into their bodies. Now, she'd finally have the chance to inflict her sister some pain. She pinned Cassandra against the wall.

"Stop, you two," Daniela tried to intervene. "What the hell are you doing?"

Cassandra tried to throw a punch, but Bela was a little faster on her reflects, she grabbed her wrist and twisted her arm.

"What's your problem, Cassandra?" Bela angered. "You can't stand the idea she wasn't one of your trophy maidens, isn't it? Just leave me alone. Leave her alone too."

In that moment, they heard the door opening. Lady Dimitrescu appeared in the corridor, with an ugly snarl on her face.

"What the hell is going on here?" She yelled. "I thought I had daughters, but then I come here and you two are fighting like animals."

Daniela sighed relieved. This time, she wasn't included.

"I'm sorry, mother," Cassandra straightened her dress. "It's Bela who's being a bitch."

"You started it," Bela tried to grab her hair, but she deflected. "You're insulting me from the moment I arrived."

"The three of you! In my office, now!"

Bela couldn't feel guilty this time. Something inside her had changed. She didn't care if her mother was disappointed at her behavior, absolutely no one would touch Aleena. Especially Cassandra.

"It's all about that girl, mother," the middle sister proceeded to tell Alcina. "Bela is in love with her. They've been making out around the castle all the time."

"And this is none of your goddamn business!"

"It is, when your actions are putting us all in danger! Her brother..."

"Stop!" Lady Dimitrescu shouted, making they both go silent. "Is it going to be like this anytime a new woman steps inside this castle?"

No. Not for Bela. She didn't care about other women. Cassandra could have them if she wanted, as long as she stayed away from her girlfriend.

"I agree," Cassandra continued. "It has to end. I vote that we drain her tonight."

"CASSANDRA!" Alcina punched the desk, making her stop instantly. "I didn't call you here to talk about this girl."

A part of Bela was relieved, but she when her eyes crossed with her mother's, the feeling of anxiety started growing inside her. Now she knew about her relationship with Aleena. And her sisters too. She couldn't predict how they'd react.

"I'm going to another meeting with Mother Miranda tonight. I expect to find this castle intact when I return. If I discover my daughters are fighting in my absence, I'll be truly disappointed."

"Yes, mother," Daniela said. "No one is going to fight anymore. Right?"

Cassandra rolled her eyes at the youngest sister. Bela only gave her an annoyed look.

So that was the reason of their visit to Lady Dimitrescu's office. For now, Aleena was safe. They still had a few days to gather information about Mother Miranda and whatever she was planning. Bela was about to leave after her sisters when her mother called her back. She froze.

"Bela, you stay. We need to talk."

"Yes, mother?" She sat in front of her mother again.

"What were you and Cassandra fighting about?"

"I-I... uh, it's true. I'm in love with Aleena."

Bela decided it was time to stop lying. After all her mother was the person she trusted the most in this world, besides Aleena. Lady Dimitrescu stared at her face emotionless. Bela couldn't figure out what she could be thinking. She looked down, avoiding her mother's intense gaze.

"It's different this time," she explained. Although Alcina never bothered when they got involved with women, she hated the mess it usually caused. Sometimes Cassandra would slaughter her partners in her bedroom or some other place too hard to be cleaned. Daniela fell in love too easily, always having her heart broken when she discovered the subject of her affection was only using her to escape the castle and the fate every servant usually had. In this process, a lot of other things would break too. Such as the castle's furniture and the servant's bones. "I'm doing things right. I even asked her to be my girlfriend."

Bela wouldn't get involved with women so often as her sisters, but when she did, it surely never ended well. They'd become disappointed when they found out she didn't reciprocate their feelings. There would be a lot of arguing, tears and some of them would even dare to call her mother for a talk. In the end, they always died anyways.

She had never been in love before. Until now.

"Girlfriend?!" Lady Dimitrescu eyes widened in surprise and she inhaled deeply, closing her eyes. Bela finally knew what what her mother should be thinking about. The woman she once loved. "Oh Bela..."

"She makes me happy, mother. Like I've never been before."

"And this is exactly what concerns me, daughter. You know how it ends."

"It doesn't have to end that way. I'm controlling my instincts very well and..."

"But she's human and young. She's going to study abroad, meet new people who are just like her. Then, she'll forget you ever existed."

That was the one thing Bela had accepted since the moment she decided to kiss Aleena. Soon, they'd be saying goodbye and there would be nothing left for her, only the memories. Yet, it was worthy. Every moment by Aleena's side was precious.

"I know that," she assured Lady Dimitrescu. "Mother, the only thing I want is your word you're letting her go by the end of this week. Whatever her brother did, Aleena's innocent."

"Okay, daughter," her mother's hand touched hers. The corners of her mouth curled up in a small smile. "I promise you. As long as you promise me you and Cassandra will stop fighting."

"Okay, I'll ignore her provocations. I promise."

"You know your sister, Bela. Cassandra is very attached to our family. She's only jealous most of your attention is being dedicated to Aleena."

"Yeah, I know."

Bela held her mother's hand and smiled back at her.

"Girlfriend..." she was still muttering to herself and shaking her head in denial as Bela stood up and started to walk away. "Well, I suppose there were worse options."

As she opened the office's door, ready to leave, Alcina spoke:

"Bela, take care."

"I will."

----------

Castle Dimitrescu, Guest Room - Present Days

I asked my breakfast to be served in my room. Going to the dining room all by myself was pointless, as Bela and her sisters were reunited with their mother in her office. I wondered what they could be discussing. Was it about me or Auryk?

Anyways, our time was running out. I only had until the end of the week to prove my brother's innocence and expose Miranda's betrayal against the Four Lords. There was only one problem, if Auryk wasn't stealing from the Lords, he wasn't involved in something good either. The manner he spoke to me on the phone, it seemed dangerous and secretive.

And there was Bela. Everytime I remembered the page I ripped off from those diaries I'd feel my chest tightening a little bit. I wouldn't let my brother, and whoever he was working for, lay a finger on her. From the moment I arrived, she was nothing but sweet to me. She always did everything to protect me and I was willing to do the same.

Mrs. Volkov entered the room, bringing a tray of food. She locked the door behind her.

"Ms. Novak, I'd like to speak to you in private for a moment," she asked.

I nodded in agreement.

"I couldn't help noticing Ms. Bela coming and leaving this room very often lately."

"Yes," now I could understand why Cassandra was always threatening the staff with her knifes. Even if Mrs. Volkov was trying to protect me, what I did inside my room was none of her business. I feared she'd tell Alcina. "We're working on a personal issue of mine. And I'd appreciate if this information stays between us only."

"My mouth is shut, Ms. Novak. I only beg you to be careful, I've seen many girls like you going missing or being dragged to the dungeons after getting involved with the mistress' daughters."

Of course she had to remind me of the fact my girlfriend probably has had enough partners to fill both sides of a book page.

"Thank you for your concern."

And of course she had to run right into 'Ms. Bela' as she opened the door to leave.

"Mrs. Volkov," she greeted, polite as she always was. Sometimes I wondered if Bela was so well mannered even when she was killing her victims. "Is there anything wrong?"

"Everything's fine, Ms. Bela. I was only serving Ms. Novak her breakfast."

"Thank you. I suppose we're good for now. I call you if we need anything else."

Bela shut the door, immediately forcing the woman to go away. I asked her to lock it, just in case.

"Good morning, love," she sat by my side at the table and pressed a kiss on my cheek. "I hope you saved me some because I'm starving."

"Hey, didn't you just have breakfast with your mom?"

"Not actually, I refused it. I was waiting to have breakfast with you, like we do every morning."

She smiled, causing butterflies in my stomach.

"Aren't you sweet?" I was kinda expecting her to come. I even asked Mrs. Volkov for an extra cup and plate. I passed it to Bela. "I was hoping you'd come."

I retributed her kiss.

"So, what are doing today?" She wanted to know. "Are we coming back to your house? Or would you like to do something different?"

"I wish, but we have to finish reading the diaries. I only have a few days left before your mom decides what she wants to do to me."

"I spoke to her. She's letting you go by the end of the week."

"Is she?" I asked, to be sure.

Bela nodded in response.

I should be happy with the information, Lady Dimitrescu wasn't going to kill me after all. But I wasn't. I was expecting her to protest and keep me as a prisoner for weeks, months, maybe years as it seemed Auryk wasn't coming back. I wanted to be stuck in that castle for the rest of my life, as long as I had Bela by my side.

"She has a meeting with Mother Miranda tonight," she added. "She usually doesn't come back until the morning. We should do something special."

"Like what?"

"Like a date?"

The concept of having a date was a little bit difficult when you lived in a village that wasn't even in the maps Your options were very limited: going to the nearest town, going to the pub or do something at home. The first two options could not end well as we'd be going too far from the castle or if any villagers recognized Bela.

We could stay in my house and order some food, there was this restaurant in town that would deliver even in that hellhole of a place. We could also watch movies and make out on the couch.

Maybe more. I was desperate for more. Especially now I knew we'd be separated soon. I wanted to enjoy every second of your moments together. Yet, I was insecure. I couldn't help thinking of Mrs. Volkov comment regarding Bela's level of experience.

"I think I have something in mind," I grabbed Bela's hand. "Ready?"

----------

Eastern Europe, Aleena's House - Present Days

We rod to the village as were doing every day. I was always concerned some other villager could see me and recognize me. At this point, everybody should know about what happened to me. They'd instantly connect the dots if they saw Bela. When we arrived to my house again, I was relieved. Almost. Until I saw the front door had been forced open.

"Oh fuck," I quickly took my daggers before taking another step into the house. "Somebody broke into my house. They may still be in there."

Bela took some kind of blade from her boots too.

"What? I have my tricks too, love." She asked, noticing I was surprised. "Cassandra isn't the only good hunter."

We carefully opened the door. Before I could even do anything, Bela grabbed me and covered my mouth. Her senses were probably detecting something nearby.

"Shhhh," she pointed to her ears. "I can hear something... in the basement."

"But not all of us are vampires," I muttered. When I noticed, Bela had already vanished, turning into flies. I followed her to the basement, after grabbing a rifle. Before I even got there, I already heard a male voice screaming.

"What the fuck?! What are you freaks even doing here?!"

I recognized it before I could even see the figure. But I waited until I was downstairs to confront him.

"Heisenberg. I could ask you the same," I spoke, pointing the rifle at him even if I knew it was useless. "What are you doing here?"

"You," he turned around from the hidden cabinet where the weapons were stored. "Weren't you trapped at Lady Super Sized Bitch's castle?"

"Have some respect talking about my mother," Bela shaped back into her body. "Not that she has any talking about you. So I guess you both are even."

"Oh great, and you brought one of the daughters with you. At least it's the decent one."

"Are you going to explain what you're doing in my house?" I angered. There was a good reason of why that man was there again. Coincidentally when he had a meeting with Miranda later that day. "Let me guess. You're searching for something to take to the Highest Bitch In Charge tonight. Am I right?"

"Wait, wait..." Heisenberg showed his hand as a sign of truce. I lowered the rifle. "What the fuck are you talking about?"

"Are you searching for something to take to Mother Miranda in the meeting tonight? Because many things are going missing, under mysterious circumstances that are strangely connected to her."

"Do you think Mother Miranda is the one stealing from the Lords?"

I told him about my conversation with Auryk and his suspicions about Miranda's involvement in the situation.

"I knew it!" Heisenberg kicked away an old wooden chair, shattering it to pieces. I shot Bela a confused glance but she also had no idea of what was going on. "I fucking knew it! She's been plotting against us. I always warned my siblings this day would come but they never believed me."

"We're searching for evidence against her," I explained. "To find out what's her plan. Do you have any ideas?"

"Are you sure you can trust her?" He pointed at Bela. "Her mother is the one who kisses Miranda's ass the most. After Moreau, of course."

"Absolutely," I told. "Bela's with me on the matter."

"Sit down, the two of you, and I'll tell you what I know."

We sat on the armchairs we had down the basement. Heisenberg pulled a bottle of whiskey from one of Adrian's secret hideouts. He was about to take a sip directly from the bottle, but I made him serve all of us. Something told me I'd need alcohol to deal with that conversation.

"All these years serving her and we're only her tests subjects, girl. We were all declared a failure upon bitch Miranda's eyes. Me, Lady Super Sized Bitch, the Moronic Freak, the Ugly-Ass Psycho Doll and even this..." Bela scowled at him, letting him know she wouldn't appreciate any offensive nicknames he could have for her, "this girl and her sisters. We're trapped in this village, being forced to decades of humiliation and servitude."

"Are you telling me you don't worship Miranda like your siblings and the villagers?" I tried to understand.

"No!" Heisenberg shouted. "Can't you see? She has taken everything from me. My humanity, my dignity! And now she has found the perfect vessel for her experiments, she's planning to get rid of us."

I drank the entire cup of whiskey in one sip. I looked at Bela, I could see that deep down she shared the same feelings for Miranda as Heisenberg. She tried to follow me, but judging by her face, she wasn't used to that kind of drink.

"I know what it feels like," she took off her helmet, showing the scar on her head and also the tattoo. "I also hate how she treats my mother and she's always too blind to see it. Whenever she returns from a meeting, I can read it on her face. She's disappointed at herself. She's miserable. She's always feeling she isn't enough for Mother Miranda's purposes."

"Fuck! This is what I'm talking about! Look what she's done to you. Don't you think it's time we end this?"

"Okay," I interrupted their moment of mutual pain. "She really fucked up with you guys, so we need to find a manner to stop whatever she's planning."

"Your father," Heisenberg pointed to me. "That bastard also shared my feelings of revenge and hate against that bitch, but for some reason he never accepted to join forces. I knew he had some diaries that contained some important information, do you happen to know where they are?"

Before I could answer, Bela stepped in and spoke for me.

"This is what we've been searching for," she lied. She looked at me, giving me a signal we shouldn't trust Heisenberg completely yet. "Apparently, Aleena's brother has taken it with him."

"And where's the little criminal?"

"I don't know," I said. "Last time we spoke he was acting shady as fuck. Whatever he's involved with, it's not good."

"Hmmm, drugs probably."

"No! I'm pretty sure my brother isn't... what's a vessel, by the way? You said Miranda has found a perfect one for her experiments."

"A person who can achieve a perfect mutation," it was Bela who answered my question. "One without any flaws, any side effects. Unlike me, the Lords or any person that has turned into a Lycan."

"Exactly," Heisenberg added. "One with a body that will be able to revive her daughter."

"What the fuck..." I always knew Miranda was crazy, but not at that point. All those years, she had been misleading the villagers, the Lords only for her personal uses. "And who's this person? Where are they?"

"I don't know, kid. This is what I'm trying to find. If I destroy the vessel, there will be no ritual. And with the right proof in hands I can lead a rebellion against Miranda."

"You can count on me," I extended my hand to Heisenberg. "If I discover anything, I let you know."

"Smart girl," he shook my hand. "You'll have my full support if you need to escape that demonic castle."

"She doesn't!" Bela angered. "Mother is letting her go."

"Okay. If you need anything else then..." Heisenberg shrugged. Then he looked at Bela. "What about you, little Dimitrescu girl? Can we count on you?"

"Of course," she also extended her hand. "But you can't comment a word about this meeting with my mother tonight. She trusts Miranda above anything, she's going to blow up our plans."

----------

Eastern Europe, Aleena's Bedroom - Present Days

While Aleena was taking a shower, Bela caught herself reading the diaries they found. Such a skilled predator should be proud of her achievements. The reports about her family were gruesome, terrifying, tragic. They were called many things, 'witches', 'monsters', 'abominations'...

"Psychotic bitches," definitely the most creative, a name given by Adrian Novak. Bela never had a personal encounter with Aleena's father, but she had definitely heard nasty stories about him, through Lady Dimitrescu and through Aleena herself. She thought of an appropriate nickname for him too and smirked. "Stupid manthing."

She closed the diary and walked to the mirror. Aleena told her to wear one of her clothes. She looked like a normal girl, one of Aleena's age, maybe two or three years older.

If it wasn't for that scar. That damn scar. When she woke up after the transformation, one of the first things she did was asking her mother how she had gotten it. Was it the reason she died? Later, she found out it was the reason why she was still alive. Something had been implanted in her brain, to transform her into... that. What about that tattoo? Young people had tattoos everywhere but certainly not on their foreheads. She was marked as one of the Dimitrescu daughters. Wherever she went, people would recognize her by that. Especially in the village. Countless times she and her sisters had caused panic among those people.

This was why Aleena couldn't take her out for a date. She couldn't take her to the pub, to meet her friends and do other things couples usually did. Bela clenched her fists in rage and frustration.

"Hey," Aleena left the bathroom, wrapped around a towel. "Sorry for taking so long. You look amazing, by the way."

Before heading to her wardrobe, she passed through Bela and planted a small kiss on her lips. She could live like that forever.

In fact, if the weather suddenly changed and the temperature dropped by the next day, she'd be stuck with Aleena in that house for days, months or even years. She could cook and clean the house while she was out for work. She could even find a manner to earn some money herself. She could be an artist and sell paintings. Or maybe a writer, she was a good one. Maybe she even had money already, after all she was the Countess' eldest daughter.

The idea excited Bela a lot... until she looked at Aleena's desk. If she was stuck in that house with her, she'd be giving up on her dreams of living in California and study in that Art Institute. And Aleena deserved that. More than any person she ever met.

It wouldn't last and she knew it. She always knew it.

"Selfish psychotic bitch," she muttered to herself as she stared at her reflection in the mirror.

----------

Eastern Europe, Aleena's Living Room - Present Days

I couldn't take my mind off my conversation with Heisenberg. I didn't even know how I was supposed to feel. I already hated Miranda before, but now I got the confirmation of the things Bela told me. She was nothing more than an experiment gone wrong and that woman was about to get rid of her and the others. I also thought about Alcina and Donna, who had no idea of what she was planning and trusted her blindly.

I also wondered, who was her perfect vessel? Was it someone from the village? Was it someone she had kidnapped? A million questions were going through my mind.

As soon as I finished getting dressed, Bela had sunk into one of her bad moods, where she became quiet and introspective, after acting normal all day. I already knew her enough to know something happened while I was in the shower and it was consuming her inside. Because as her own mother described, Bela felt everything very intensely.

"Would you like to go back to the castle?" We were in the living room, waiting for our dinner to be delivered. "We can go after dinner if you want."

"No," she said. I had turned on Auryk's video game console. Bela was quite curious about the game I was playing. Her eyes moved quickly as she observed every detail on the screen. "Not yet."

"Do you need to feed?"

"No, I'm okay."

I paused the game. Whatever happened, nothing seemed to distract Bela from it. She was quiet as in the morning she fought her mom or that night in her bedroom, before we kissed for the first time.

"Okay... why don't you tell me what happened? I left you alone in my room for some minutes and now you're upset."

Bela took a deep breath, as if she was trying to recompose herself and leave her emotions aside for the night.

"I'm not upset, love," she told me. "I'm focused."

"On what?" I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion.

"If you don't move to the left side, like this," Bela took the controller from my hands, unpausing the game and making a move herself. "You're going to get yourself killed."

And she was right. Apparently her vampire senses worked for literally anything.

"Know what?" I turned off the console. "I'm done with this for the night. I already know I wouldn't be able to beat you if we played against each other anyways."

"What a sore loser," Bela finally let out a laugh. Mission accomplished, I was able to get her out of her bad mood.

"We'll see about that later."

"Will we?"

She lay on top of me, staring deeply into my eyes in an attempt to look dangerous. She pressed her lips against mine and I wrapped my arms around her body pulling her as closer as possible. Bela deepened the kiss, sliding her tongue inside my mouth. The way her tongue massaged mine, the way our bodies were moving together, the way my hands were exploring every inch of her perfect body... I was feeling things I had never experienced before. A heat that spread through every part of me. She finished her kiss biting my lower lip, leaving me stunned, breathless.

"I'm sorry, I got too carried away," she said, when we stopped. "We're almost setting ourselves on fire here."

"No, I want more," as I gazed into her beautiful golden yellow eyes, I couldn't be more sure. "I want us to burn."

Bela raised one eyebrow suggestively, as if she was trying to confirm what I had just told her. I let out a small laugh and nodded in confirmation.

"Then..." she pressed another kiss on my lips, "we should head back to your bedroom. Don't you think?"

I was about to give her an answer when the door bell rang. It was the delivery service bringing our dinner.

"Fuck, I had totally forgotten," I took a deep breath, trying to recompose myself.

"We can resume from where stopped later, if you want."

----------

I wanted it. I definitely wanted it, but I was too nervous for my own sake. If I didn't calm down, I'd end up ruining things. I remembered the night I invited a girl I was dating to my house. Even after having a lot of alcohol to calm my nerves and get me in the mood, I panicked. I panicked and locked myself in the bathroom until she went away. Needless to say she never wanted to see me again.

To try to distract myself, after dinner I sat down on my desk, reading carefully a page of the diary in front of me. The calligraphy was barely readable. Apparently that one belonged to my grandfather, Erik Novak, during his teenage years.

"March 13, 1962

The Lycan attacks have intensified during these days. It's almost impossible to even leave the house. My poor sister, Astrid, has been attacked while she was outside tending for the animals. We don't expect her to survive. The infection has spread to her whole body. Father suggested we put an end to her misery. Mother is still hoping for a miracle. We called Mother Miranda for guidance."

I felt a shiver going down my spine. It was almost like I could watch that scene playing in my mind, like a movie. I held the picture of Astrid, her beautiful dark hair and soft facial features. Such a terrible fate she was victim of. Why did my family still insisted on living in that goddamn place for generations after such a tragedy?

"Okay, I finally picked one," Bela emerged in my bedroom. She was in the living room, too amazed by my Netflix account. With so many movie options in front of her, she didn't know where to start. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," I closed the diary. "I was just reading an entry while you chose. My grandfather's sister, she was bitten by a Lycan."

"It seems to happen quite often in your family. One of the diaries I read also reported a Lycan attack."

"It's like a family curse. In my generation, it was my mom. But in her case, there was not even time to develop an infection."

Family drama. Nothing related to the clues we were searching for. I decided to not think about anything else related to that village, Auryk or even Miranda for the next few hours. I wanted to enjoy my time with Bela, exclusively.

"So, let's see what you chose, Ms. Dimitrescu."

For my surprise, Bela had picked a Disney movie. I thought it was extremely cute, I was kinda expecting her to choose something classical or even an horror movie.

"Do you like this one?" She asked.

"I love it," I wrapped an arm around her shoulders as we sat down on the couch. "And I'll love it even more now it's the first movie we watch together."

I didn't make any interruptions as we watched the movie. Bela seemed so entertained, so genuinely happy. I remembered she probably had never seen a movie before. I didn't see any TVs inside the castle. If they even had one, they didn't have access to Netflix or any other modern features. I simply enjoyed the sensation of having her in my arms or the sensation of caressing her hair. I learned to appreciate the sound of her laugh more than anything in this world. When we met, I'd rarely hear it and now it was something she did often.

The world was easier when we were alone, just the two of us. Two lonely, misfit and traumatized individuals. Bela seemed to be the only person who understood my feelings, and I was this person for her too.

When the first movie ended, I asked if she wanted to see another one. She told me to choose this time and I picked a romance. With a happy ending.

God, we deserved to have a happy ending too. We both had gone through so much already. I had to stop Miranda. I couldn't let her take Bela from me.

----------

Eastern Europe, Aleena's Bedroom - Present Days

It was already two in the morning when we returned to my bedroom.

"Are you sure your mother isn't going to freak out or anything?" I asked as we prepared the bed. "Cassandra is definitely going to tell her. If she gets mad the claws will come out to play and it's kinda scary."

"As long as the dragon remains inside, we're okay," the corners of Bela's mouth curled up in a smile.

"Dragon?!"

"Nevermind, it's a joke. A myth the villagers invented. Don't worry, I don't think she's going to mind. I told her about us this morning and she took it very well."

"This is quite a surprise."

We lay on the bed and my heart started thundering inside my chest. I wasn't sure if she remembered what we started before dinner and that I had intentions of resuming later.

"I wish we could have this everyday," she spoke softly, when we were face to face. "This is the reason why I was upset."

"Why does it upsets you?" I asked.

"While I was here alone, I kinda wished the temperature would drop and I'd be stuck here with you for a while. Then I realized I was being selfish."

"You're not selfish. To be honest, I kinda wished the same. I don't wanna go away. I want to stay with you, forever."

Bela took my hand, holding it very tightly for a few seconds and then, she released.

"You can't, Aleena. You don't deserve this life, in this place. You deserve more. You deserve to go after your dreams, move to California, go to college, be with a girl that actually deserves you."

"I don't want another girl, Bela. I want you. I want you the way you are, with your virtues and also your flaws. That's what made me fall in love with you."

I'd usually let her take the lead, but this time I kissed her, hard and desperate. I didn't want to think about the idea of being away from her. Or being with somebody else. Even if we couldn't be outside most of the time. Even if I had to work on the pub for the rest of my life. Even if she needed to drink human blood. I didn't mind if my friends or my brother never accepted my relationship with her. In that moment, I had everything I ever wanted and I wouldn't waste it. I couldn't wish for anything else.

When I realized, I felt her hand going down my shirt, caressing my stomach.

"Do you still want to do this?" She asked.

"More than anything."

I knew Bela had probably done that a thousand times before, but I wondered if she was always so tender, so careful. She knew that was an important moment to me, I was letting down the last of my emotional barriers for her, so she acted cautiously on every move she made next.

First, she kissed me again for a very long time. I assumed she was giving me enough time to think if I was truly prepared. Then, her mouth placed a trail of kisses for all the way down to my neck.

We undressed each other, Bela lay on top of me and as she kissed me again, I couldn't stop thinking how good it was the feeling of having her naked body so close to mine. This time, I felt confident enough to explore parts of her I wasn't prepared the last time.

"What?" I asked when we parted and she gazed deeply into my eyes. "Am I doing it wrong?"

"I have something to confess, love," she opened a beautiful smile. "I'm a little nervous too."

"Come on. Mrs. Volkov was scolding me this morning, telling me I was only one of the many women she saw leaving your bedroom."

"Yes, but it's the first time I do it with a woman I'm in love with."

It was my turn to smile. With my hand on her chest, I sensed how quick her heart was beating too.

"Well," I whispered seductively in her ear, "she's very in love with you too. So you don't have to be nervous."

"Just tell me if you want me to stop, okay?"

I nodded in agreement and pulled her face for another kiss. As Bela's hands traveled through my body, caressing my inner tights, I was shivering in anticipation. By the time she touched me where I wanted her the most, my first reaction was to shudder.

"How does that feel?" She wanted to know. "Do you like it, love?"

"Yes!" I threw my head back as her fingers continued to stroke my center. "Oh my god, yes. Please don't stop."

"I don't plan to. We're only getting started."

I was still nervous. I didn't know how I was supposed to act. Should I do something to please her too? Should I be silent? Because I was fighting so hard against the wild impulses inside of me, that wanted to moan and scream Bela's name as loud as I could. I buried my mouth on her collarbone trying to muffle a moan.

"This is okay," she stopped for a second, looking at me with those gorgeous eyes. "Just relax. You're being perfect."

I simply nodded in agreement. I just wanted her to continue what she was doing, but she had other plans in mind...

"What about now?" Bela inserted one finger inside me and started to move, slow and gentle. "Does it hurt?"

"N-No... this feels great..." I could barely form a coherent sentence anymore. In fact, I noticed I had stopped breathing. Yes, I could die right now and I'd die a happy woman. Was that what my father was trying to protect me from with his sick ritual? I couldn't be more happier to have broken his rules. I couldn't be more happier I waited and did exactly I was told to stay away from.

My heart was racing really fast. I felt all my muscles were starting to become tense. Bela inserted another finger inside me, moving a little bit faster and harder, but still making sure she wasn't causing me any pain.

And in that moment, I completely lost myself. My back arched and my whole body started to tremble under her body. Bela held me tightly. I relaxed too, wrapping my arms around her.

"Are you okay, love?"

"More than okay," I answered between pants. "To be honest, I think I've never felt so great before."

"Is there anything else you want me to do?"

"Yes, you can now show me how I can please you."

We switched positions and Bela guided my hand as I tried to follow the same path as she did. She also rocked her hips to meet my rhythm. I wasn't so confident as she was. I was afraid I could do anything that could hurt her. But she was a patient teacher and I was a quick learner. Soon, she was already trembling in my arms too and I knew I had done it right.

I thought we were done with the best part, but I was wrong. After pressing one final kiss on my lips, Bela rested her head on my chest and said words I'd never forget.

"I love you."