#like i may have the wrong film but i dont recall any other rain scenes like this in his work? and im a sucker for romcoms so ive watched

[tonydaddingham]

oh god OH God right so crowley's comment about the richard curtis film? just hit me that he's possibly (probably? im assuming crowley is talking about screenwriter credits here) talking about the ending of four weddings and a funeral (bold choice) and i am reeling bc if im reading into this correctly neil really is letting the narrative punches fly

so i dug through the yt archives to find the ending that id all but suppressed in my memory (andie macdowells acting in this brings me out in hives, crowley is such a hero for making it through this film) and-

right fuck it let's just basically do a basic transcript of it:

carrie: "i just wanted to check you're okay, not busy... killing yourself or anything, but you're fine so... i shouldn't have come to the church this morning. im sorry-"

charles: "no, no, wait- it was all my fault, i- i- im the bastard here! and it definitely sorted out one thing; that marriage and me are very clearly not meant for one another... sorted out another big thing as well- there i was, standing in the church and for the first time in my whole life, I realised i totally and utterly loved one person, and it wasn't the person standing next to me in the veil, it was the person standing opposite me now, in the rain."

carrie: "...is it still raining? i hadn't noticed..."

charles: "the truth of it is that i loved you from the first second i met you... you- you're not suddenly going to go away again, are you?"

carrie: "no... i might drown, but otherwise no!"

charles: "okay, okay, we'll go in... but first! let me ask you one thing... do you think that after we've dried off, after we've spent some more time together, you might agree not to marry me? a-and do you think not being married to me might be something you'll consider doing for the rest of your life?... do you?"

carrie: "...i do."

okay so now that you and me, reader, have had to suffer through that, i am just in shock that this, this, is the scene to which crowley is potentially referring. im not saying that he takes it as absolute inspiration for his romantic scenario idea, bc i think he is just covering for what is his own personal fantasy... but boy is it potentially insightful. as ive said before im fairly certain that whilst he was fascinated and amused by aziraphale, i certainly don't think he fell in love on the Wall like he would like to think, in retrospect, that he did.

so let's board this train hurtling along the rails of that particular thought (ie stick with me), crowley really seems to be deluded as to the love story he and aziraphale share... to the point that in ep2 when he makes the curtis remark, we can infer that whilst he may have been subconsciously reconciling his actual feelings of More with aziraphale for a long time, and only fully accepts and declares them in ep6, he's looked over their history as being more than it actually is. because this script? is not even close to what happened on the wall.

like, first of all - aziraphale is not at all andie/carrie (a divine mercy, truly). aziraphale is not passive, however much he plays into it with his damsel-in-distress syndrome, and certainly is not dim and virtually silent. aziraphale always has Things To Say. and crowley, until ep6, does not wax lyrical about his feelings, his innermost thoughts, and certainly not as 'poetically' (see: cheesy af) as a curtis script. in his playful moments he is an outright dork, but not like this.

now this bit? im going to be fanciful and fanfic-y, and very clumsy in how i put this across... but replace the context for a moment:

charles: "no, no, wait- it was all my fault, i- i- im the bastard here! and it definitely sorted out one thing; that belief and love for god and me are very clearly not meant for one another... sorted out another big thing as well- there i was, standing on the wall and for the first time in my whole life, I realised i totally and utterly loved/believed in? one person, and it wasn't the person standing in front of me when i fell, it was the person standing opposite me now, in the rain."

im not going to double down on the red bits, because it is ridiculous, but the vague idea? insane! insane to intimate that he replaced the void that was his belief system, the divine love he now lacks after falling, the betrayal he feels from god, with aziraphale! goodness crowley, this is not healthy, my guy! and then:

charles: "the truth of it is that i loved you from the first second i met you... you- you're not suddenly going to go away again, are you?"

no, i don't think you did, crowley bud- but you are definitely lonely. and lonely not even in the sense of isolation, but lonely in the sense of lack of purpose, possibly guilt and shame, and the inability to understand (or accept that you do understand) why you're currently in the position you're in. but aziraphale is not the replacement for that.

he's not there to fill the spaces where you're barely holding yourself together. you literally end up spending millennia apart in between your run-ins, and get along with it just fine... or maybe aziraphale does, but do you? is why you do the things you do, did what you did; because of this fear?

(when did i suddenly start addressing crowley directly, ah well i cba to rewrite)

charles: "okay, okay, we'll go in... but first! let me ask you one thing... do you think that after we've dried off, after we've spent some more time together, you might agree not to marry me? a-and do you think not being married to me might be something you'll consider doing for the rest of your life?... do you?"

the arrangement? aziraphale be in crowley's company all the time, stop him feeling lonely and make him feel wanted, but not commit to anything more than crowley can handle?

all im saying is that i hope noone dares show crowley the confession from julia roberts in notting hill without giving him a bottle of talisker and a litre of häagen-dazs first 💀