#like i literally do not know that that is true actually.

[geschiedenisish]

Just some fun Christian fact; Christian churches have this massive "problem" where the mainline churches are "woke" while its the conservative branches "fighting for true theology and religious freedom" or whatever.

That's why they have a logo of the methodist church here. More or less the second biggest church in America. (idk my statstics, but, like, the united methodist church is BIG.) Because even most Christians disagree with everything that's happening. Because, surprise surprise, most Christians believe in human rights! ;)

That's also how that female bisshop was able to talk to Trump in such a leftist way, because the Catholic Church is surprisingly left nowadays. They literally allow gay couples to be blessed not just as gay people, but as a gay couple!

I honestly wouldn't be surprised if Christians are gonna do some kind of giant uprising against Trump sooner or later, because he tries to speak for them, but most of them don't agree with him. And everyone is gonna act surprised. But, like, please know. Christian American is actually way more left than you're led to believe! :)

Sadly posts like these attract Plague Rats and MAGAMorons. The very same people who need to understand the point the most.

[piastri-fvx]

The Night We Met. Ollie Bearman.

Pairing: Ollie Bearman x girlfriend! reader

Summary: When everyone freaks out about the way Ollie talks about his girlfriend in interviews.

Word Count:

Face claim: girls from pinterest!!

Disclaimer/s: None!! just fluff!

A/N: first ollie fic because i'm trying to do more different drivers (i support most of the drivers, lmao) hope u enjoy!! let me know if you have requests or want to be on my permanent tag list <333

✮⋆˙ Masterlist. ˙⋆✮

------------------------------------------------------

@f1

liked by olliebearman, yourusername, flavy.barla, lando, dinobeganovic_ and 8.284.936 others

f1 ollie bearman upon being asked about his girlfriend in an interview at the Saudi Arabian grand prix: "When I saw her for the first time, all of my focus went out the window. To me, everyone else was just a blur and my heart started beating so fast I thought my chest was going to explode. It felt like time froze just so I could look at her. And when she looked at me, my brain went on a hiatus. She was so pretty she literally broke my brain,"

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user1 oh he is in LOVE

user2 where do you even find a guy like this oml 😭

-> user3 we need his girlfriend's secret to getting a guy like ollie

-> user4 realll 😭

user5 THIS IS ADORABLE I'M GONNA DIEEE

-> user6 you can literally see it in his eyes 😭💕

user7 eyes don't lie 🤷‍♀️

dinobeganovic_ he also speaks about her like that in private btw, in case anyone was wondering 😁 liked by author

-> user8 NOT DINO OUTING OLLIE

-> user9 LMAOOOOOO

-> user10 CLOCK IT

user11 not the official f1 account posting this omfg 😭

-> user12 they knew we'd eat this up 😣

-> user13 and we still are eating this up

user14 I died dead, everyone needs an Ollie in their life 😭

-> user15 fr because how is he so sweet

user16 making ollie edits as i'm typing this 🙏

user17 i watched the interview and when i tell you, the way this man's face lit up the SECOND his girlfriend was mentioned omfg 😣

-> user18 I AM UNWELL

-> user19 gonna pray for a boyfriend like him

@olliebearman

liked by yourusername, arthur_leclerc, alexandrasaintmleux, charles_leclerc, kimi.antonelli and 582.937 others

olliebearman happy birthday to the prettiest ❤️

tagged: @yourusername

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yourusername thank you, my love 🥰 liked by author

-> olliebearman you're soooo welcome, my darling ❤️

-> user1 i'm gonna die

-> user2 i fear i live for this content 😣

user3 okay but can we talk about how perfect you guys look together?

-> user4 fr because how is it that they look like they've just always been together like this 😭

-> user5 real 🙏

user6 face cards never decline 😝

alexandrasaintmleux happy birthday, y/n!! liked by author

-> yourusername tyyyyy 💗 liked by author

charles_leclerc very happy that she's my daughter-in-law 😁 liked by creator

-> user7 NOT HIM BRINGING UP THE FAMILY JOKES

-> user8 HELPPPP

-> user9 "f1 is a serious sport." f1:

user10 imagine being this photogenic AND dating oliver bearman 😭

-> user11 sounds too good to be true 🙏

-> user12 i'm not even sure who's luckier, y/n or ollie

user13 cutest thing i've seen this year 💗

user14 it should literally be illegal to be this perfect

-> user15 real 😭🙏

-> user16 they're both perfect and somehow also perfect together

-> user17 fr because like ughhhh i want this soooo bad

@yourusername

liked by olliebearman, alexandrasaintmleux, flavy.barla, arthur_leclerc, lando and 382.826 others

yourusername london with my london boy ❤️

tagged: @olliebearman

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user1 y/n woke up and chose to make us feel even more single 😭🙏

alexandrasaintmleux trop belle 🥰🥰🥰 liked by author

-> yourusername i'm gonna kiss you

-> olliebearman no, you won't. 😁

-> user2 GUYS HE PUT A FULL STOP.

-> user3 HE DID

-> user4 HE IS SERIOUS OML

-> user5 ollie 💀

-> user6 ollie got replaced lol

user7 straight out of a novel fr

user8 no one talk to me rn

-> user9 just me actually giggling at this post

user10 still processing that people this perfect actually exist tbh

-> user11 story of my life, ngl

-> user12 i'm so jealous rn

user13 alexa, play 'that should be me' by justin bieber 😣😣😣

-> user14 i felt that on another level

olliebearman I LOVE YOUUUUU 😍 liked by author

-> user15 he's so down bad lmao

-> user16 more like down HORRENDOUS lol

user17 just me and my single ass staring at these pictures likeeee...

-> user18 i relate to this even though i don't want to

-> user19 i wish i didn't relate to this lmfao

user20 real life definition of couple goals

-> user21 literally was just about to comment that

-> user22 lollll me too

-> user23 they are literally THE standard

@haasf1team

liked by olliebearman, yourusername, formula2, kimi.antonelli, ferraridriveracademy and 347.836 others

haasf1team Ollie's on the grid for '25 🙌🇬🇧

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yourusername proudest girlfriend right now ❤️ liked by author

-> haasf1team our favorite fan ❤️

-> yourusername WOOOOO!! GO HAAS!!! liked by author

user1 el mago del motor 😫

-> user2 mola mas que ocon 😭😭😭

-> user3 the way that song has aged sooo well

-> user4 real

-> user5 and not only because ollie's gonna be an f1 driver, but also because his new teammate is gonna be ocon lmao 💀

teamob PROUD! 🔥🙌 liked by author

-> user6 soooo proud

f1dutchgp 🔥🔥 liked by author

user7 GUYS WE'RE ABOUT TO GET MORE OLLIE CONTENT

-> user8 YAYYYYYYYY

user9 y/n is now an f1 wag 🙏

-> user10 my new favorite f1 wag already

-> user11 same tbh, even though the others seem cool too

-> user12 yeah but ollie and y/n are a different level of perfect lol

user13 y/n representing all of us

user14 YAYYYYYYY

-> user15 GET IT OLLIEEEEE

user16 bet they just gained so many followers lmao

-> user17 yeah because we all love ollie

-> user18 he's our golden boy

user19 he's cute (i'm a straight guy)

-> user20 yup (also a straight guy)

@olliebearman

liked by yourusername, lando, alexandrasaintmleux, kimi.antonelli, f1haasteam and 793.946 others

olliebearman officially a couple account from now on ☺️

tagged: @yourusername

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user1 do they just wake up every day and decide to be the cutest couple ever or does it happen naturally?

-> olliebearman she's already the cutest, that makes it easier for us 😁

-> yourusername I LOVE YOUUUUU 😭❤️ liked by author

-> user2 he's so cheesy 😫

-> user3 and she's eating it up 😭💗

-> user4 we all are tbh 🙂‍↔️

-> user5 the way he's literally such a sweetheart 😣

user6 I FULLY SUPPORT THIS DECISION 🙏🙏🙏

-> user7 SAME

user8 CUTIESSSSS

user9 HE BETTER BE SERIOUS

-> user10 i hope he is 😣

-> user11 i fear i need the couple content

user12 ollie's smile when he's with lily>>>>>>everything else

-> user13 fr because he looks the happiest when he's with her

-> user14 bro looks like he's in heaven with her

user15 like every time he smiles in an interview, i KNOW she's the reason. prove me wrong... you can't

-> user16 LITERALLY 🙏

-> user17 everyone who disagrees shall argue with the wall

-> user18 walls are smarter than people who think they can prove you wrong, pookie

@yourusername

liked by olliebearman, haasf1team, estebanocon, flavy.barla, alexandrasaintmleux and 449.057 others

yourusername in my aesthetic era 🥰

tagged: @olliebearman

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user1 this is EVERYTHING

-> user2 YES BECAUSE HOW IS THIS SO PERFECT

-> user3 THEY ARE LITERALLY COUPLE GOALS AHHHHH

user4 THE SMILES. THE ENERGY. THE CHEMISTRY.

user5 literally sobbing at how cute this is

-> user6 real because how can two people be this adorable together 😭

-> user7 i hope they never break up 🙏😣

user8 THIS or nothing

-> user9 this is a NEED

-> user10 YES i NEED a relationship like theirs

dinobeganovic_ i'm giving a speech at the wedding 😁😁😁 liked by author

-> user11 dino being the biggest olly/n shipper 🙏😩

-> user12 my roman empire, everyone

-> user13 this is my new favorite thing 😣

user14 outfits are eatingggg liked by author

olliebearman do you do weddings? (as the bride) liked by author

-> yourusername with you? (as the groom) definitely.

-> olliebearman deal. liked by author

-> yourusername i love youuuuuuu

-> olliebearman say it again liked by author

-> yourusername i love youuuu.

-> olliebearman yeah, you do. 😁 liked by author

user15 i'm gonna die.

-> user16 CAN WE TALK ABOUT HIS COMMENT

-> user17 YEAH LIKE OML

-> user18 AND HER ANSWER 🙏😣

-> user19 AND THE REPLIES AND OMG

-> user20 YEAH ALL OF THEIR TALK OMFG

-> user21 AND THEY'RE SO DOWN BAD FOR EACH OTHER

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A/N: OMG I'M FINALLY BACK GUYS 😭 I was on a week trip and didn't have my phone and them just like DID NOT have any time at all, so I just had this story unfinished with only a little missing. Lol, anyways, I finally finished this and I hope u enjoyedddd!!

tags!

@freyathehuntress

[hannamoon143]

You drew stars around my scars ✮⋆˙

Life is hard. Some people don't know how to cope with that. Some people just try to feel mentally better by causing physical pain instead. How ironical, isn't it? Oh but bless you, that lee felix is in your life. Because this man never misses a thing.⋆｡°✩

Genre:Angst,Hurt/comfort

Warnings:Sh,a bit childhood trauma, Depression, Crying, mentions of food,mentions of bad eating habits

Lee felix x fem.Reader

Words: 3,9k

a/n: hey everyone<33 To write this fic brought me some comfort too, and it's healing me a bit more everytime i can use my own experiences,emotions and thoughts to write something that comforts others too, and relate to y/n a lot. And i know i'm not the only one, so i hope this can bring everyone that reads it a bit comfort. And pls always remember what of a beautiful person you are. Hurting yourself is never ever the only solution. If you need someone to talk, reach out to someone, anyone, also me if you don't have anyone. I'd rather have literally any person cry for hours in my arms, or vent to me in my dm's than have them hurt their own bodies, that always supports them. Everything felix says in that fic is true, and they r my own thoughts about this. I love you all, take care of yourselves.<3

Depression takes a lot from you. It takes your motivation, productivity, the will to socialize, and your happiness. It’s unfair isn’t it? Little, happy children become tired, broken adults.

People always think depression is something where you sit in your bed the whole day and cry. Well that is half true. Yes, there are days like that, but that’s far not everything. The worst are those dull days, when you feel entirely numb, but your life has to go on anyways. No joy in your heart, and no tears in your eyes. Just a big nothing in your mind.

After a while you figure it out though. It’s always those numb episodes, until every emotion you thought didn’t exist the days before, crashes down on you. And it’s overwhelming. Every.single.time.

But what if you’d find something that could ‚help‘ you? Something that brought you pain and relief at the same time? That made you feel alive, in the numb episodes and distracted you from the pain in the days where you broke down? The price was just your beautiful skin, and blood...

A problem was though, once you’d start, it would be very hard to stop again. But why should you anyways? Why should you stop when it was the only thing seemingly bringing you comfort for some short time?

It started off by you, picking at your skin absimendtly whenever you felt anxious, or when you just didn’t pay attention. It felt relieving. It was the burning pain when you scatched on your skin so hard it was slightly bloody, making you feel like your feelings actually mattered. And then that one night. That night everything crashed down on you. Your friends wanted nothing to do with you anymore, the few you had before, cut contact. You couldn’t even be mad at them. Who wouldn’t be annoyed by someone who constantly cancelled plans, and gave off a „depressing, annoying attitude“? Well these were their words. Oh but you saw it coming. All the overthinking in the middle of the night, those worst case scenarios, they had come true.

And your family? You never had a healthy relationship with them. So now, that you were grown up, the contact was almost entirely dead. And yeah, there was your boyfriend felix, but you’d never burden him with your problems. He already had enough on his mind with the world tour and all the new released albums, of the band he was in.

And that was it. No one there that you could reach out to, no one to comfort you, when your heart and mind were breaking into millions of glass splitters. Every person reaches their breaking point someday. And that day was yours. You remembered the night clearly. You were sitting on the bathroom floor, crying out all the emotion you had been holding in for too long. You had no friends anymore. No family. And pretty sure soon no boyfriend too. Nothing to hold onto.

Then you reached out to a drawer. You didn’t really register what you were doing as you took it out. A simple, silver blade. A little cut on your wrist. A line of crimson red blood on your skin.

At first you were terrified. What had you done? Why weren’t you affected by the stinging pain on your wrist, and the blood building in the small cut? Why did it in fact feel good? And then you decided to try it again, just to answer those questions right?

That’s where it started.

You knew you had depression. But going to a therapist? You were scared, probably too lazy, and you could never tell all your problems to a complete stranger. And most of all you didn’t want felix to worry either. He was the only one left, and soon he would surely leave too. He was the sweetest, sunny person on this earth, he deserved someone that matched his energy, and wasn’t so… hard to love.

Every single task felt like a hard, impossible chore. Getting out of your bed felt like doing the unbelievable. Doing the most simple things like showering, or brushing your teeth seemed so far away, that you could only master them on your best days. Some days, you went to work, did everything you had to, with a straight, stoic face. That was until you came home, laid into your bed, and silent tears would build wet spots on your pillow.

But somedays, even crying seemed too overwhelming. All you could do was lay in your dark room, staring at the wall. It was just the darkness and you, and somewhere in your mind, a voice whispering that it would help to cut...

And then there were these rare days, on which you felt almost too overwhelmed. It were those days you came home, and added another scar to the gallery of them on your arms. You questioned your life on these days. Because truly, you didn’t see a reason why you should be here right now. No, you weren’t proud of it. But who was there to stop you? Why should you quit if it was the only thing keeping you sane right now? When it was only the stinging pain who could make you slip out of the monotone haze in your mind, for at least a little bit time.

But it would be stupid to assume felix didn’t notice something was off. Lee felix was a pure person. Someone who could make even the rainiest days shine bright. And he cared about the people he loved more than anything else.

When you started cancelling plans it was already alarming for him. You were someone who never cancelled plans with him. You were usually a happy person, someone who made jokes that were actually funny. Someone who made him laugh with your little quirks, that he noticed over time. Someone who comforted him when he felt bad. And most of all you were the most excited person when you two would meet up. You never missed to tell him how much you loved him, that he was your happy person, and your comfort person.

That was before

Before suddenly everything stopped. He rarely got to see your beautiful face now anymore. You took a long time to respond to his texts, and when you did, they were short, and dry. This didn’t feel like you. Felix knew you. And that wasn’t you. This wasn’t the happy girl he met. And he surely wasn’t planning on letting things go like this forever. Something wasn’t right. And no matter what you said or did, to try and get away from him, and shut everything out, he would stay by your side. He would find out what was wrong and do everything possible in this world to make you feel like yourself again.

It was another day today. Another number on the calendar. You stopped looking at it. It didn’t matter anyways. Those were just numbers on paper, and they would never change anything. So you dragged yourself out of bed, feeling even heavier than usual. Like a zombie you just quickly got dressed, not even registering what you were wearing, and drank a mug of coffee. It would make you feel a bit more awake for at least a few hours. Eating breakfast had become impossible in the last few weeks. You were barely eating anything the whole day, to be honest. Sometimes, you just couldn’t stand up and make yourself something. But most times, you just didn’t feel hungry.

You went your usual way to work. At the bus, you took a short glance at your phone. You used to be on your phone a lot for the silliest things, but now you hated it. You hated the brightness, and that everytime you looked at it you had to interact with others. And the worst was, it remdinded you of what you had lost. The spark you had in your eyes on photos from a long time ago.

Something popped up on the screen

A message from felix. Of course. He messaged you every single day. You couldn’t ignore him, no matter how shitty felt, you couldn’t bring yourself to ignore him. So you opened it.

Hey sunshine<3How are you today? I thought of maybe grabbing some takeout and watching a movie together tonight, since i have off early! I’ll even let you pick one of those cheesy romcoms you love so much. Love u^^

You sighed. He was still so sweet, so caring, when he should be really annoyed, right? His girlfriend was a walking zombie, why didn’t he already break up with you?

Hey lix, sorry no time today.

Then you quickly put your phone away. You couldn’t stand thinking of his lips turning into that sad pout, when he’d read your answer. But you couldn’t meet him. You didn’t care how stubborn that was, but you wouldn’t let him see you like this. He would see right through you, and get you to tell him what was wrong.

You stopped making excuses someday. Who even cared? Sooner or later he’d leave, just like your friends. No lame excuses would matter then. Someone like you was unlovable. And that would never change.

As felix read your response he sighed.

That was enough. He wouldn’t let your relationship carry on like that. He wouldn’t let you carry on like that. Something was clearly wrong and he wouldn’t stand so far away and watch you slowly shut down from the entire world. Not anymore. Tonight he would come to your apartment, if you wanted to or not.

You didn’t remember what you did throughout the day. When you tried to recall it, there were only hazy memories, covered in a grey, thick fog. You didn’t even remember how you came home. Everything just happened. Now, you were walking through your apartment door, kicking off your shoes and coat. With a deep sigh, you dragged yourself to the bathroom. You shut the door, immediately sinking down on the floor. You were exhausted. More than that. The past days, or maybe even weeks you had held everything in more than usual. You felt like passing out right then and there, on the cold bathroom tiles. But there was something else. You knew that feeling. When you would have spent too many days in numbness, then at one point, every emotion, everything you thought wasn’t there before, creeps up in your throat from the depths of your soul. You feel the grieve, the sadness, the anger, the guilt, every single emotion crashing down on you at once. And then you can’t stop it anymore.

Tears started to well up in your eyes, and you pulled your knees up for a bit comfort.

These were the moment you hated the most, besides the numbness. Being numb is uneblievably tiring, but when all the feelings, everything comes up at once, that is even worse. You never knew how to deal with your emotions well. When you were a kid you never got the chance to express emotions. Crying was not allowed. If you did, you’d hear „ Stop it, or i’ll give you a reason to cry.“ If you screamed or hit out of anger you’d get punished in some way. Only a polite smile was, what was allowed to show on the outside, what to show to other people. That was probably part of the reason why you’d grown into a person who had these unhealthy, shitty habits, instead of expressing and coping with their emotions well.

You knew you should just let it pass. Endure these feelings. Maybe text someone to try and distract yourself. But somehow, you always went back to drowning out emotions with physical pain. You took the sharp blade from the bathroom drawer, your hands going unbelievable shaky like they always did when you took it out. You only started to cry more. You hated that you did it. You hated that you were a person that couldn’t handle their own feelings like a responsible adult, and had to shut them out with self harming instead. And still you did it again and again. You hated the way your arm looked when you put your sleeve up now. White lines from old cvts. Slightly reddish ones from some that happened some time ago. And those brightred ones. Reminders of not too long ago. They made you so angry. Reminding you of who you were. Of what you were.

So you decided to look away. You just put the blade to your wrist, looking at the blank bathroom wall. It was already so familiar, you knew where it would hurt the most without even looking.

Felix was searching around his apartment for that gray hoodie you wanted to have everytime you saw him wearing it. Maybe it would cheer you a bit up. As he finally found it, he grabbed the brownies he had made for you earlier, and his keys, heading out his apartment, to head to yours instead.

He started his car. It was a short drive so there was not much time for thinking. But there were some thoughts in the back of his head. Wasn’t he overstepping? You clearly didn’t want to see him, maybe you were also just annoyed?

But felix shook those voices off. He knew you. He had known you for years, and this wasn’t you. He had to do this.

And then he was already at your apartment. Slowly he got out of the car, taking the things, and started to walk up the stairs.

Soon he was in front of your door. Should he knock? He knew where your spare key was but he didn’t want to be respectless. So he softly knocked on the door.

„Y/n? It’s me, felix. I know you didn’t want to meet, but… i was worried. Can we talk please, my love?“

He waited for a minute. But there was no answer. Maybe you really weren’t at home? He decided to just try it. To his surprises the door was unlocked. That meant you were home, but also why would you let your door stay unlocked? He sighed, and locked it from the inside. He quietly took off his shoes, and put them on the side. Yours were scattered messily on the floor, and your coat too. Usually you hated when something in your apartment wasn’t organized. Maybe you were in a hurry before. He went into the kitchen, wich was dark, putting the brownies on the counter. „Y/n?“ he softly called out again. Still no answer.

But there, suddenly he heard something. A quiet, mumbling or...crying? His brows furrowed and he tried to follow the sound. There. In the bathroom. It seemed like you didn’t hear him calling you. At first he considered just going back to your kitchen and waiting there for you to come out, but when he heard another deep sob from you, he knew what to do. Whatever was going on right now, he wanted to be by your side. So he took a deep breath and opened the door.

„Y/N, what is g-“ His eyes widened in shock, and your head perked up immediately at the door clicking open, your gaze changing from surprise, to confusion, to somewhat realization and guilt. The sight in front of him horrified him. His beautiful, lovely girlfriend sat on the bathroom floor, her face red and puffy from crying, and a sharp blade in her hand. And your arm… How couldn’t he notice? He just stood there, in the door, staring at you.

You couldn’t read his face. Was he mad…? Of course he’d be mad. You quickly reacted as you got to your senses again. You jumped up, letting the blade fall, and a drop of blood dropping down on your white bathroom tiles.

„Felix…. I can explain, i h-haven’t, it’s not what it looks like o-okay? I’m okay, p-please i know you’re mad but-“

You got cut off. You couldnt’t even say anything more, because suddenly you were wrapped up tightly in your boyfriend’s comforting, warm embrace. You forgot how good a hug from him felt… And when you got a little glance at his face that was it. No anger, no twisted kind of any emotion against you. There was pure sympathy and love. When you also saw a tear rolling down his face, you couldn’t take it anymore. You buried your face in his neck, and let go. You sobbed uncontrollably, your arms and legs trembling so much, to the point your knees gave in, and felix slowly sank to the ground with you. Why did the cvts on your arms suddenly really hurt for the first time? He had you pulled on his lap, rocking you back and forth, stroking your hair gently. „Shhh, it’ll be alright. I’m here now, you are not alone.“

Good thirty minutes later, your sobbing had stopped, and only warm paths of tears remained on your cheeks. Felix lifted your head from his neck a bit, so he could look into your eyes. Though you had just cried your heart out, it was still the most mesmerizing pair of eyes he had seen in his life. He gently tucked a strand of hair behind your ear.

„Let me treat those, okay?“ He simply said, glancing at your cuts.

He was gentle. He desinfected every single cut, apologizing every time you hissed at the sharp pain. Then he put some healing ointment on your fresh ones, and some at your older ones too. Then, with gentle, calm hands he bandaged your arms. He ended his treament with featherlight kisses on them. Then he got up, helping you up too. He had his hands on your side, his eyes on your face.

„Love…I won’t ever judge you, or get mad at you for anything, i hope you know that okay? I know that this is probably your way to cope with things, and i know that you know it’s not healthy. But it’s okay. Please just promise me, you will come to me instead of doing that, from now on hm? Everytime you want to do it you call me, text me, whatever. I’d rather have you crying in my arms for hours, venting to me for hours, you screaming at me, or do whatever you need to, than have you hurt and bleeding entirely alone on the floor. I’ll come over, and do whatever i need to, to cheer you up alright? And don’t shut me out from your life. I want to be a part again. I miss the way you’d text me when you see something that makes you smile. Or when you send me pics of the cute cats you saw on the sidewalk. Or when you just simply tell me about your day. And most important of all, i’ll stay by your side okay? No matter what. I will do everything to help you recover, and build up your life in a way that makes you happy okay? Let me help you sunshine. You don’t need to do it all alone.No matter how hard it in the past was, I’m here now, and I don’t plan on leaving soon.“

Tears welled up in your eyes again, but this time you smiled at him. „Okay lixie. Okay. I’ll try.“

Then he softly smiled at you, and guided you to your livingroom, where he made you sit on the couch. He rushed off to the kitchen, and was soon back again with a plate of brownies and his gray hoodie. „It seems like you didn’t eat much lately, you’ve been getting a bit too skinny, love. But don’t worry, now i’m here to feed you with everything you want to eat. You don’t need to move a single finger.“ He mumbled, as he first handed you the hoodie, wich you put on immediately and snuggled into it. It had always been your comfort hoodie, since it was big, fluffy, and always smelled like him a lot. Then he put down the plate in front of you. Felix’ brownies had always been one of your favorite things. They were delicious like no one else’s.Everytime you asked him what he was throwing in there, he always told you that it was his love and care wich he made them with. You believed him, this man made everything better with his sunny personality.

You simply smiled at him, and took one of the brownies, taking a big bite

„That’s my girl.“ He chuckled, ruffling your hair. As you were munching, and he was watching you with a fond smile, he suddenly asked „Do you have a marker somewhere here?“ You looked up, raising a brow. „Yeah, in the drawer over there i guess, why?“ He just stood up, and opened said drawer, taking the marker. He was back by your side in an instant. „Please give me one arm love“ He said, politely like always. You were still pretty confused but how could you say no to that? So you slowly laid your bandaged arm in his hands. He kissed it once and then softly started to draw on it. „What are you doing?“ you asked, mouth full of brownie.

„Those my love, are battle scars. It isn’t beautiful how you got them, but they are a part of you now, and they make you the person you are. They deserve to be called beautiful now too, like every single body part of yours. I love every part of you. And when they are healed, I’ll kiss each and everyone of them, but for now, they deserve to be treated with care. They will only heal properly, if you let them. If you’d always be angry when you’d look at them, they would never really heal. You would never really heal. You need to forgive yourself, and someday you will be able to move on. They show how far you’ve come, that it was very hard, but you never gave up. Battle scars, my love.“

You looked into his eyes. He said all that so sincere, you believed every word. And then as he was done you saw what he did. A lot of little stars, and a pretty moon in the middle were drawn on the bandages. And next to the moon he wrote a little note

„Because i want you to never forget who you are. You are Y/n L/n, a fighter, and the most beautiful woman i know.“

„How did i deserve you lee felix?“ You murmured in awe.

„You deserve the world, and more my love.“

And that really was a turning point. Thanks to felix, your days weren’t dull anymore. He was always there with you, laughing and talking a lot, but he also respected when you wanted some alone time. And when you came to him somedays, crying and telling him that you wanted to do it again, he took you in his arms, wrapped you both into a blanket and rocked you back and forth, until no tears were left anymore, and the world seemed a bit brighter again. Then he mumbled soothing reassurances into your hair, kissing you on the forehead.

And like this, you were willing to try. You were willing to try and recover, and create a life that you loved living, with him in it.

a/n: now a note to: @athenawindwolf because I didn't have the courage to say it that night ( we ignore that i'm writing this while you are texting me,still in that night), i'll be your chan friend, and in the context of this fanfic your felix friend, whenever you need me. I hope yk, I never judge anyone, and i've been through a lot too so rlly i would never ever judge or tell anyone if you tell me smth. We said we r the big sisters of our friends now, so that means we r sisters right? Come to me whenever you need to talk. Now this was for u, and I also have to say i'm thankful someone is sharing one of my interests now<3 Ily di angelo.@athenawindwolf (and i hope i didn't make you cry with this fic)

[echo-riot]

✞⛧ Vi text messages ✞⛧

You: (2:04 AM)

Vi… you better not be in a bar fight right now.

Vi: (2:05 AM)

i’m not baby chillllll 💙

You: (2:06 AM)

Last time you said that, someone ended up with a broken nose.

Vi: (2:08 AM)

okAY but they deserved it. they called me a ‘pink-headed punk.’ disrespectful.

You: (2:10 AM)

So you’re NOT fighting?

Vi: (2:11 AM)

nah. not tonight. too busy missin you.

You: (2:13 AM)

You’re drunk, aren’t you?

Vi: (2:14 AM)

NO… okay maybe a lil. just enough to be honest.

You: (2:15 AM)

What’s so honest?

Vi: (2:17 AM)

that ur perfect. like stupidly perfect. the way ur smile makes my chest do this dumb fluttery thing. n how u smell like heaven. id literally fight god for you.

You: (2:18 AM)

You’d fight God sober.

Vi: (2:20 AM)

true but id fight harder drunk bc i’d win. n it’d be for you <3

You: (2:22 AM)

Vi, go home before I come drag you out of that bar.

Vi: (2:23 AM)

come get me babyyyy pls. i wanna see ur face.

You: (2:25 AM)

You’re impossible.

Vi: (2:26 AM)

n ur irresistible. 💙

You: (2:28 AM)

I’ll come get you. Don’t start a fight while I’m on the way.

Vi: (2:29 AM)

no promises. but i’ll try for u ;)

————————————————————————

(An: I got lazy so no more color coding mbbbbb)

Vi: (1:12 AM)

babe. hypothetical question.

You: (1:13 AM)

Oh no. What now?

Vi: (1:14 AM)

if i stole a cop car… but like… for a good reason… would u still love me?

You: (1:15 AM)

Vi, what the actual—why would you even need to steal a cop car??

Vi: (1:16 AM)

answer the question babe

You: (1:17 AM)

Are you drunk again?

Vi: (1:18 AM)

no. but i MIGHT be in a cop car rn.

You: (1:19 AM)

VI?!

Vi: (1:20 AM)

chill chill i didn’t steal it YET. just sittin in it for funsies.

You: (1:21 AM)

For FUNSIES??

Vi: (1:22 AM)

yes. god i love when u say “funsies.” ur so cute.

————————————————————————

Vi: (3:04 AM)

babe u know how i said i wouldn’t get into a fight?

You: (3:05 AM)

Oh my god, Vi.

Vi: (3:06 AM)

ok LISTEN. this guy said ur name wrong. like he MISPRONOUNCED it ON PURPOSE

You: (3:07 AM)

And you punched him, didn’t you?

Vi: (3:08 AM)

no. i headbutted him. different vibes.

————————————————————————

Vi: (11:42 PM)

babe… do u think i could suplex a vending machine?

You: (11:43 PM)

Why would you even want to do that?

Vi: (11:44 PM)

for u. ur fave chips got stuck. i’d risk my spine for ur snacks.

————————————————————————

Vi: (4:15 AM)

okay real talk. if i got a tattoo of ur face… would that be romantic or weird?

You: (4:16 AM)

Extremely weird. Don’t even think about it.

Vi: (4:17 AM)

damn. what about ur name? like on my knuckles.

You: (4:18 AM)

Still weird, Vi. Go to bed.

Vi: (4:19 AM)

what if i get “property of [Your Name]” on my forehead

You: (4:20 AM)

Goodnight, Vi.

Vi: (4:21 AM)

ight gn baby. love u more than i love punching ppl. <3

————————————————————————

[thisishangingrockcomics]

Hey, this is going to seem really random, but if you are a journalist or if you know a journalist who has worked in music writing within the past decade and ever published a public cancellation about a band, an album, a tour, or an artist— I want to urge you to look into your sources and see if you can confirm that everyone involved including initial accusations was a real person. I’ve been stalked and harassed by this person for three years for unrelated reasons who I know has orchestrated a lot of cancellations very publicly and manipulated a lot of people to do so. I know they are behind an attempt to cancel Mitski with false accusations, many attempts to cancel Mac DeMarco with false accusations of like being a pedophile and stuff, if you actually look into the PWR BTTM cancellation, you will find that the initial Facebook post that kicked it all off was like literally not a real person it was a dummy account, if you look into the accusations against The Orwells I have not personally been able to confirm any of those women are real people. I know the person I personally suspect orchestrated all of this uses fake accounts and aliases and manipulating public impression and is behind a lot of others. I suspect Hoops, the initial Whirr cancelation, I suspect they often pose as a minor online and try to get men to interact with them so they can cancel them later— I believe right now they’re personally behind Nobunny, The Growlers, Pinegrove, and McAfferty. Lots of others I suspect some level of involvement, coercion, and aliases in but have less reason to name directly.

I have spent a long time trying to get to this person to come forward and speak to a journalist themselves in their own words just due to how connected all this stuff was, how serious the consequences were, and how big the emotional impact in creative spaces was. How I even figured all of this out is its own story and kind of beside the point right now, but yeah they won’t do so and I don’t really have the resources or time to try to prove what I basically know to be true so right now I’m going to ask that if you are a journalist who has ever published a piece validating a cancellation in the public record or distributed rape accusations (which you shouldn’t, it is literally insane that journalists were ever allowed to do that and publicly incriminate young men using their birth names in creative mediums forever without even getting on a Skype call with accusers let alone getting photo IDs making sure they were at least real people) you go back in time and go back to your sources and try to confirm they were all real people, not aliases not just accounts but actual real people, in no uncertain terms. It’s actually really easy to figure out that a lot of them weren’t now that it’s been a couple years and people’s lives and careers were already ruined. If you can’t confirm sources were real and you can’t track them down and get on a Skype call with them maybe consider posting some updated retractions.

Thanks have a great day 

[jinxedshapeshifter]

Why Kristoph Gavin Is Like That: An Essay

Alright so common sentiments I've seen regarding Kristoph are "Why is he like that" and "I want to study him in a lab" and I am a psychology nerd, so I decided to analyze Kristoph. Obligatory disclaimer: I am not a psychologist. Wanting to analyze Kristoph's behavior may or may not have gotten me interested in criminal and forensic psychology but I am not a psychologist. I am simply a guy who likes to psychoanalyze fictional characters from the most clinical perspective I can get to without actually being a psychologist. So let's begin.

Part 1: Diagnosing Kristoph Gavin

The thing about Kristoph is I think to fundamentally understand him, you need to diagnose him. In fact, I haven't posted my analysis of Kristoph's black Psyche-Locks because of it. As I said, I'm not a psychologist, but I do enjoy looking through the DSM-5 every once in a while, so I'm going off of that.

When you first look at Kristoph's behavior, you would (understandably) say he's a narcissist. From a purely colloquial perspective, this is absolutely true. However, I also think he very likely has narcissistic personality disorder. To be completely clear, I don't think his behavior is inherently a result of this. I think his behavior is a result of realizing he has a problem (even if he doesn't realize it's narcissism, he does acknowledge that he's fucked up because the reason he gives for killing Zak is "I am an evil human being") and not bothering to get help for it. In fact I'd argue he embraces it. So let's go through the DSM-5's diagnostic criteria for NPD (I don't need to explain where most of these are applicable but I'm going to anyway).

Criterion 1: Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements) - While I don't personally think the examples provided by the DSM-5 are reflective of Kristoph's behavior (although I think an argument could be made about him exaggerating his achievements, depending on if you think he was forging evidence before the Gramarye trial, which I personally do but I'll get into that later) I absolutely think he has a grandiose sense of self-importance because he canonically has a god complex, which is implied to be why he became a defense attorney; by doing that, he made people depend on him and literally had people's lives in his hands.

Criterion 2: Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love - I don't really know exactly how applicable this is, and it might've been more applicable when he was younger. However, he was so determined to get a win over Klavier in Klavier's first trial to forge evidence over it, so there's something to be said about him having a preoccupation with success not unlike Manfred I think.

Criterion 3: Believes that he or she is “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions) - He literally says this himself. He literally says the jury is made up of "ignorant swine" and says they're soiling the courts, I don't know what else to say on this point

Criterion 4: Requires excessive admiration - I will once again point you to the implication that he became a defense attorney specifically to make people dependent on him. The judge calls him the best defense attorney in town so I think it's safe to assume he's never lost a trial (which I will bring up again later). The nanosecond it's implied Apollo is turning on him and losing admiration for him, Kristoph takes it as a fucking betrayal, specifically saying "Et tu, Justice? You would betray me, your teacher?" Reminder, this is because Apollo decided to listen to Phoenix's testimony.

Criterion 5: Has a sense of entitlement (i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations) - Can I say his cell is evidence of this? No? Alright. He seems pretty fucking upset when he's reminded he's not the defense attorney in Phoenix's case. What does this imply? He acts like he's entitled to acting as the defense attorney during the case. This in comparison to the other defense attorneys who have acted as co-counsel at some point (Mia, Diego, Phoenix, Apollo, Kazuma, Athena) who let the acting defense attorney do their damn job. Like it might even be that no other lawyer acting as co-counsel has ever acted as entitled as Kristoph does that makes it feel like Kristoph comes off as entitled in the first place (in which case, I very much think Kristoph is meant to come off as entitled during Turnabout Trump).

Criterion 6: Is interpersonally exploitative (i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends) - I'm not explaining this. Phoenix's disbarment hinged on this, I refuse to explain this. I already made a post about it in regards to Apollo, I'm not explaining this here

Criterion 7: Lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others - I think in order to be as horrible as he is, he would have to lack empathy. Idk. Like he obviously lacks empathy but I don't know how to explain it.

Criterion 8: Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her - Literally his motive for everything. He got Phoenix disbarred because he was upset over Zak firing him.

Criterion 9: Shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes - I will once again direct you to him calling the jury "ignorant swine" in Turnabout Succession.

That is 8 out of 9 criteria he definitely meets and one that's debatable. You only need to meet five of the critera to be diagnosed. The only reason one is debatable is because we don't get into Kris's head. Conclusion: "Kristoph has NPD" isn't an unreasonable assumption. Kristoph having NPD is actually why I haven't posted the analysis on his Psyche-Locks; I didn't think I could explain Kristoph having NPD well in that post and having that explanation is crucial to understanding that analysis (which will be added to this one instead of it being its own post).

As I said at the start, I do not think Kristoph having NPD makes him a horrible person. I think he knows he has a problem, and instead of getting help for it, he embraces it. He chooses not to get help and that choice and him borderline embracing his narcissistic traits is what makes him a horrible person. This is yet another thing that makes Kristoph and Klavier so interesting; Klavier exhibited similar narcissistic tendencies at 17 (although not near as bad as Kristoph) but it feels like he recognized that he had a problem and got help for it. Narcissistic personality disorder can be caused by trauma, and it wouldn't surprise me if Kristoph and Klavier had very similar yet very different responses to whatever traumatic event they experienced. In Kris's case, this resulted in NPD that he didn't get help for and arguably embraces.

Part 2: Evidence Forgery & A Perfect Trial Record

The judge explicitly refers to Kristoph as "the best defense attorney in town" when he asks about Apollo's status as the acting attorney and Apollo refers to Kristoph as a "top-notch defense attorney" when he asks Phoenix why he wanted Apollo to be his attorney. In my opinion, both of these statements would imply that Kristoph has never lost a trial. Even Phoenix has lost trials, and he basically had Kristoph's reputation before being disbarred (which has some super interesting implications actually). This is where Klavier comes into play.

For Kristoph to forge evidence to guarantee a win, he's either not as good a defense attorney as his reputation would have people believe, or he was confident Klavier had a chance to win the trial. If we really think about it, I think the first option, that Kristoph just isn't as good a defense attorney as people think, is more likely, and this also leads into the evidence forgery discussion. He had no qualms about spending $100k on forged evidence. This implies one of two things; either he's forged evidence before or he's von Karma levels of rich. I think it's much more likely that Kristoph forges evidence to make up for the fact that he's not actually as good a defense attorney as people think he is.

He's a year younger than Phoenix, so if we assume he became a defense attorney at the same age as Phoenix (24), he'd already been a defense attorney for two years at that point. Going a bit further, if we assume he became a defense attorney at the same age as Apollo (22) instead, then he'd been an attorney for four years by the time Zak's trial was happening (and he had been an attorney long enough by Zak's trial to be well known, as Klavier says "Ah, figures my bro's more famous in this part of town" when the judge asks if Klavier and Kristoph are related). There's plenty of room for him to forge evidence there, as long as the decisive evidence doesn't require replication of something that would be unique, like handwriting. He could (probably) easily forge a murder weapon or a bloodstain. This would explain why he's so willing to pay $100k for a forgery too. If we keep with the assumption that he forged evidence his entire career but never had to do anything with something like handwriting, he'd probably pay an arm and a leg to get the evidence he needs.

Considering Kristoph is also willing to murder people over a seven year old case, I wouldn't be surprised if he defended people he knew were guilty. Depending on the case, he would probably have to forge evidence at some point.

Part 3: Black Psyche-Locks

Kristoph having black Psyche-Locks when he's asked about why he killed Zak is interesting. It makes a lot more sense if you keep in mind that he is a narcissist. To fully explore Kris's Psyche-Locks, we need to go back to something Spark Brushel mentions in Turnabout Succession's MASON system section.

Spark says that Kristoph started stalking everyone who could conceivably be involved in Zak's case out of paranoia. In Kristoph's brain, this was probably completely justified. His paranoia was specifically rooted in the belief that Zak would appear to someone involved in the case and expose Kristoph's forgery. Kristoph stalked Spark, he stalked Phoenix, he stalked the Mishams, I wouldn't be surprised if he (attempted to) stalk Klavier. If the fact that he forged the evidence that got Phoenix Wright disbarred ever got out, his reputation would be tarnished beyond repair, and to him, his reputation is the most important thing he has. He was so careful about how he handled the forged diary page that nobody suspected anything was even wrong with it except Klavier. All of this adds context to his Psyche-Locks being black instead of red.

I think it's incredibly likely that whether through paranoia-fueled delusion or just not being able to consciously acknowledge that he did kill Zak (which, if revealed and then investigated, could absolutely expose all of Kristoph's wrongdoings, something I think he would've realized), he genuinely didn't realize he killed Zak. I 100% think it's possible that Kristoph genuinely thought he'd killed some random guy on impulse. "But Jinx," I hear you saying, "why would he have gone after Zak if he didn't realize who he is?" As I said, I think it's possible that Kris thought he killed a random guy on impulse. He didn't plan to kill Zak. If he had, he would've been more prepared for it. I think some part of his brain recognized Zak which is what gave him the impulse in the first place, but he didn't become consciously aware of it until Turnabout Succession. Alternatively, he got so far in denial that he managed to delude himself into genuinely thinking he hadn't killed Zak, and he had just killed some rando named Shadi Smith. Phoenix didn't even recognize Zak when he introduced himself as Shadi. If Phoenix, who played poker with and defended Zak and has a picture of him in his office, didn't recognize Zak immediately, why would Kristoph?

It's also not impossible that there are multiple other murders Kristoph's committed that we don't know about. Hell, he tried to poison the Mishams after Zak's trial. At the very least I don't think that was his first time attempting murder. Kristoph's not an idiot, he's just careless (which doesn't surprise me, considering he is so convinced that if he ties his loose ends he won't get caught that he doesn't even tie his loose ends all the way, nor watch what he says in regards to murders he committed). That's not to say he's some kind of mastermind either, but he is intelligent. I don't think he could pull Simeon Saint levels of bullshit but he's very much capable of successfully and skillfully manipulating people. My point here being, if he has murdered other people before he murdered Zak and after he attempted to poison the Mishams, he probably wouldn't be surprised about having the impulse to kill some random guy, making him more inclined to believe he did just kill some guy.

I also think it's worth it to compare how Athena's Psyche-Locks broke in Dual Destinies to Kristoph's behavior. Athena was able to be eased into her Psyche-Locks breaking. She didn't have any reason not to trust the things Phoenix was saying. Kristoph is so paranoid that he doesn't trust anyone. He wouldn't have been able to have his Psyche-Locks broken because he would just deny everything that's being said until he can't deny it anymore and breaks down, something at least directly related to his paranoia, if not also his NPD. This is why I mentioned in this post that breaking Kristoph's Psyche-Locks would always be a bad idea. He'd never get to a point where he'd be able to mentally handle the truth. Kris's trust issues run so deep that he'd never trust anything anyone's saying until the damage is already done and the Psyche-Locks are broken. In Kristoph's case, there's no way to break those fuckers without causing the damage Pearl mentioned as something that'll happen if they're broken when they're not ready to be. I wouldn't be surprised if this is why Kristoph's breakdown in Turnabout Succession is so intense.

Part 4: Kristoph's Personal Relationships

For this section, I'm going to discuss each of Kristoph's relationships separately, then go into what his relationships say about him in general. So let's start.

Kristoph & Klavier

Kristoph and Klavier's dynamic is genuinely one of the most interesting in the Ace Attorney series to me.

Klavier doesn't really talk about Kristoph much, and the same sorta seems to apply to Kristoph. We don't learn anything about Klavier and Kristoph's dynamic until Turnabout Succession, and we know Kristoph didn't talk about Klavier because Apollo didn't even know Kristoph has a brother. When we do see what their dynamic was like in 2019, it's Klavier being used by Kristoph. Kristoph used Klavier to get Phoenix disbarred, and it weighed on Klavier's mind for seven years.

I also think it's worth noting the following exchange from Turnabout Succession:

Klavier: Let's clean out the family closet, eh, Kristoph? Kristoph: You're spinning out of control. Calm yourself before you say something you'll regret. Klavier: Spinning out of whose control? Mine? …Or yours?

Which implies that Kristoph exhibited some kind of controlling behavior towards Klavier. It doesn't surprise me because Kristoph's a control freak. I'd also be more surprised if Klavier wasn't afraid of Kristoph killing him at some point. Additionally, something I mentioned in my Klavier analysis is that in the 2019 section of Turnabout Succession, Klavier does have a good view of Kristoph and even seems to look up to him. He takes Kristoph at his word that Phoenix is going to present forged evidence despite (by 24 year old Klavier's account) finding it weird even then, and keeps him anonymous when he brings up the fact that Phoenix presented forged evidence. Another thing I mentioned in the aforementioned Klavier analysis is that based on Klavier's behavior, he didn't realize Kristoph was manipulating him until sometime after the 2019 section of Turnabout Succession. Something made Klavier realize he was being manipulated. Could be age or that Kristoph did something that made Klavier realize Kristoph was a piece of shit, but no matter what it was, something happened that made Klavier's view of Kristoph shift.

Kristoph & Phoenix

Kristoph and Phoenix are also really interesting to me because Kristoph's end of their friendship is fueled by paranoia, and Phoenix's side is fueled by a desire to keep Kristoph close and basically investigate him. It's toxic on both their ends, and that makes it really interesting. Their dynamic also has a really good example of "Kristoph will lash out if someone even minutely slights him" in both Phoenix's trial and Vera's.

During Phoenix's trial, Kristoph gets so upset over the trial even slightly alluding to the potential for him being present to kill Shadi that the judge has to remind him that Phoenix is his client. Phoenix is also so determined to get Kristoph caught that he forges evidence (technically twice) and revamps the entire justice system (and this was exclusively to get Kristoph caught). They're both incredibly petty with each other. I'm not really sure what to add here, they're just so toxic they should come with a radiation warning.

Kristoph & Apollo

Apollo looks up to Kristoph. Kristoph uses this to his advantage during Phoenix's trial, using the fact that Apollo is loyal to and looks up to both Kristoph and Phoenix to emotionally manipulate him. He then probably tries to use "You would betray me, your teacher?" to further manipulate him, but Apollo's desire to find the truth overrides his loyalty to Kristoph (something Apollo literally tells Kristoph).

Kristoph has one final instance of trying to emotionally manipulate Apollo; he gets Klavier to the point where he essentially shuts down then blames Klavier shutting down on Apollo. This doesn't work of course, and Apollo bulldozes on through anyway.

In general I think we can come to a pretty solid conclusion that Kristoph will either manipulate and gaslight people to get what he wants or stalks them out of an intense paranoia that's directly related to how he sees himself as a result of the NPD he didn't get treatment for. Instead of coping with things like a normal fucking person, he resorts to both physical and psychological violence and stalking.

Part 5: Conclusion

So here we are. Almost 3k words later. I do not want the takeaway from this to be "Kristoph's a manipulative, violent asshole because he's a narcissist" and if that's your takeaway you need to rethink literally everything I said here. The fact that Kristoph could be diagnosed with NPD has nothing to do with him choosing violence. NPD has nothing to do with him choosing to stalk everyone involved with Zak's trial instead of getting help for his paranoia. I want that to be perfectly clear. The thing with NPD is it can be hard for the person suffering from it to realize they have it and subsequently get help for it. Kristoph's problem isn't exactly that he has NPD. It's that he never got help for the thinking patterns the NPD caused. Had he gotten help I don't think he would've ended up stalking and murdering people. He'd still have NPD, but he wouldn't be near as fucked up.

It's why Klavier and Kristoph are so interesting as characters. Klavier has narcissistic traits but he evidently got help for them, as he's nowhere near as egotistical at 24 as he was when he was 17, although he does start exhibiting those traits again under high stress situations. He's still not completely okay mentally (otherwise he wouldn't regress like that), but he's also better than Kristoph at managing his symptoms when they do show up. Kristoph doesn't even try to get help for his symptoms, which leads to his downfall. Had he gotten help for his narcissism, he might've ended up a bit more like Klavier.

I hope Ace Attorney's prison system has a proper therapy program. I hope Kristoph's able to get help when and if he decides he wants it, because I am personally of the belief that everyone deserves help if they want it, and Kristoph's no different. I don't think he deserves to have Phoenix, Apollo, or Klavier back in his life, and I wouldn't blame any of them for never talking to him again, but that doesn't mean I don't think Kristoph deserves help. He would just have to realize he has a problem first, which I doubt happened soon after Apollo Justice and I'd frankly be surprised if it ever happens. But I hope the offer for help is there if he decides he wants it.

So why is Kristoph Like That? Untreated mental health issues that he's implied to realize is a problem.

*Again, please do not act like I'm saying Kristoph having NPD is an excuse for his actions. He chose not to get help. He chose to stalk people. He chose to kill people. Him having NPD isn't an excuse for that. My goal here was simply to answer "Why is Kristoph Gavin like that?" Do not misconstrue my intentions here or what I'm saying. Kristoph's NPD isn't what drove him to do what he did. Him choosing to embrace symptoms that hurt people did.

[maligatorthealligator]

Yeah this was geared towards college (which is why I said "student help center" and "professor"). There are always reasonable accommodations to be made. You may not get them. That doesn't mean that they don't exist.

The purpose of a reasonable accommodation in a school setting is to allow you to perform to the degree that your average student would. If your grades are high. Then you don't actually need an accommodation to achieve a performance that your average student could achieve. If you can complete the work and complete it to a high degree then you don't need anything to be adjusted to achieve that goal.

This is part of the problem with school administrators at lower levels of education (it exists in higher education but not AS badly because you don't have to rely on adults to advocate for you. You ARE the adult who can advocate for yourself.). They're looking at accommodations as if they're exclusively to assist you in school (and technically they are because legally institutions are only required to provide accommodations for the experience they're specifically responsible for, but as we all know: struggling to achieve highly in school can wreck the external parts of your life) rather than the accommodation allowing you to perform life the average student in ALL of your life. You would have to prove that completing that goal is adding undue burden to you compared to the average student (losing out on time eating, or with family, or deteriorating mental/physical health). This is hard to provide evidence for when the only thing a school is looking at is academic performance like is true in middle and highschool. You have to rely on adults to push for you. To provide this evidence to the school and keep shoving until they get somewhere because all evidence of this is documented exclusively OUTSIDE of school.

In college, most students live on campus and most colleges collect information on how life it going outside of academics (do you go to activities, does your RA hear arguing with your roommates, do you show up to your dorm late/drunk/etc, are you using your meal plan, have you been talking to the student help center, going to the free tutoring, talking to the TA, talking to your advisor, etc.). They have more data about how all this shit is actually impacting you. There are still things they won't do without a diagnosis (don't want to get sued), but a lot of colleges are setup to help you get those diagnoses. This often makes getting accommodations easier in college.

You still have to push for it. You still have to jump through the hoops. Often times it still isn't easy (partially because sometimes what someone needs isn't a reasonable accommodation, but actual meds because 15-30 extra minutes can't do what chemical assistance can and it never will), but it easier and more common than in middle and high school.

And if course sometimes a reasonable accommodation for you might hinder the experience for someone else. These things can be in conflict (like if you verbally stim a reasonable accommodation is most likely to be distance learning because you are disrupting the audible landscape. In some classrooms the verbal stimming may not be an issue! Other students may not be bothered. In others, there may be students who have a hard time focusing and the verbal stimming pulls their attention away. Your service dog may be terrifying to someone so the seating arrangement may have to be adjusted. Compromise often has to happen in social settings.). Which is of course why it has to be a "reasonable" accommodation.

But the point is: yeah the system requires too much of the burden of proof to be on individual students who already NEED help and often those individuals get denied accommodations because they are literal children who can't advocate for themselves and the school is only looking at the impact IN A SCHOOL SETTING. Which. Hurts a lot of people.

And sometimes schools don't have the staffing to adequately provide an accommodation which is admittedly a different, though related issue.

An ex-colleague of mine was complaining to me the other day about the ai problem in her students' papers, and I told her, "Just make your students hand-write them in class. Easy." She looked at me like I was insane and tried to explain how that would never work, but I just said,"That's how we did it for a thousand years. The invention of word processors doesn't erase all that."

To me it seems obvious. Readings are done out of class, handwritten essays are done within it. No more ai papers.

[gabriel-shutterson]

I enjoy all of the Light OCD discourse, because, like, yeah. There’s obviously symptoms. I LITERALLY have OCD and I see some of myself in him. But as a psych major, with several psych major friends…. Light is legitimately just impossible to diagnose. Because, sure, he has symptoms of OCD. But some of these symptoms overlap with autism. Some of these symptoms overlap with ADHD. Some of these symptoms overlap with BPD, some of these symptoms overlap with OCPD, some of these overlap with narcissism. And once you come to what you think might be a conclusion— how do you know that this is true? When it comes to most of these disorders, they have to be present from childhood. We only get to see small clips of what Light is actually like as a person, without the notebook. How can we be sure that these symptoms were actually present before the notebook— let alone, since he was a child? A lot of things are speculation. And then you have to take comorbidy into account….

I do enjoy the OCD interpretation, I really do! Like I said, I have OCD. Moral OCD too, which is what Light probably has. But I find it honestly hilarious that people well versed in psych cannot pinpoint what is wrong with this man. He has Light Yagami Disorder, an in-universe special. And I love him for it.

[twopoppies]

Hi Gina! I don’t remember if I’ve already written to you about this or if it was somewhere else, but still. Regarding the “1D at the Brits” rumour - I’m about 95% confident that no such thing will happen and, moreover, that it could be a rumour leaked by the award show itself.

First of all, the timing. It appeared just after the tickets went on sale, but before the final nominations announcement. Within 24 hours it was a complete sold out - I know because I monitored them closely lol. The Brits do usually sell out, but definitely not as fast, not even (from what I could gather) in 2023 when Harry was expected to be nominated.

Second, the nature. The initial rumour was very firm that it would be a musical performance by 1D, but later repeats state that it’s still in the works, and more likely a video, and not even certainly featuring the boys. Alrighty.

Third, the motivation. Brits have had a steadily declining viewership for a good decade, with a notable peak in 2023 (I wonder why 👀). The nominations this year are not so banging, there is much overlap with last year, but after rumours like these about either a reunion or Harry’s comeback, the viewership may climb a good bit. Any speculation works, and if it’s not Taylor Swift attending (which is a point of discussion before any major award show lol, regardless of her nomination status or relevance to it), then it’s a 1D reunion.

Fourth, the patterns. Blame my steel trap brain that fights against low attention spans, but how different is it from Harry at Fire Aid? Or Harry at Glasto, or Harry literally anywhere, or the reunion rumours that appeared after Liam’s passing? Especially the last ones: first they also had people say (even on your blog!) that “everything was ready and about to be announced” (an over-emotional acquaintance of mine was even saying that “someone told her that someone found the rent contracts with Wembley and the marketing plans”, yeah sure). And then it was “oh they’re thinking about something now”. And then it was nothing. So rumours come and go, and if they don’t come true, they’re instantly forgotten. But I remember, and by now I really don’t believe anything.

Finally, the boys. From what we’ve seen of them over the past months, and especially from how Liam’s funeral was organised with an explicit intention to prevent a picture of the four of them with a “reunion” headline, I think they’re nowhere near being ready to withstand that, definitely not on an actual stage. And if any of my suspicions are true, it’s honestly abhorrent to think that their grief (and also in part ours, as a fandom) is being used as a marketing instrument, and that an act of mourning and remembrance for a lost brother can be labelled as a reunion.

And honestly, many rumours (not only these about 1D at the Brits, but also about Harry and occasionally about others artists as well) feel like they aim to build up the speculation in the media and in the public sphere and to force the artist’s hand through it. A self-fulfilling prophecy of sorts. But that’s probably a discussion for another time.

I could kiss you. You have summed up very eloquently what’s been running around in my brain about this, too. And @apparentlybychance was literally saying the same thing about tickets sales this morning.

I’m super skeptical anything will happen. I’m super skeptical of my supposed insider anon (who, if you’re real and you actually want us to know something, come off anon and give me something to believe).

If anything, maybe they individually taped something if there’s some sort of video tribute. Because honestly, if they show up, it’s going to take the focus off of Liam. We could be wrong, but I’m not expecting them to be there.

[cozymochi]

Hi!! I love your art and OC's!! I was wondering who does each person get along with/like the most from all the characters, and who do they like the least/get annoyed with?

Thank you🥺 I’m just gonna hone in on the boys. I like yapping about the web of characters they interact with (it extends beyond what’s labeled here, but. I’m kinda just shooting off.)

There’s pictures this time, be warned. And some descriptions are longer than others because I answered this on different nights with different headspaces 😭 …over a span of weeks, and even then? I don’t think I managed to cover everything I’d like to nor articulate it correctly. Just fill in the blanks.

Emilio Estrada-Alvarez 🦜

🦜 It’s not that he likes vice-housewarden Jamil exactly (Emilio doesn’t like a ton of people), but he does go out of his way to be appease to him since it’s in his better interest. He practically parrots what he says at times. Jamil exploits this insistence to please, but he can tell Emilio has ulterior motives. Albeit harmless, stupid ones, but motives nonetheless.

🦜 Ends up in a weird mutually beneficial situation where if Jamil is absent, and he can’t rely on the rest of the dorm to follow his backup plans/manuals for Kalim— Emilio is his go-to person to pick up duties. Things will run smoothly as a result.

🦜 All the while, Emilio gets to feel important and like he’s in charge and put those overly detail-oriented habits to use 👍

🦜 They get along… enough. Think Jafar and Iago. They do, but they also don’t. Emilio values praise from Jamil should he get it, and Jamil sometimes will listen to Emilio’s crapshoot ideas should they be useful.

🦜 Emilio actually gets along with Ortho the most. Detailed here.

🦜 Emilio had a bad encounter with Sebek on orientation day. That was enough to make Emilio detest him considerably. He was glad to know they’d be in separate dorms… only for the lug to wander into Scarabia.

🦜 So not only was this guy rude and dismissive— he’s an absentminded fool, too! And put Scarabia’s orientation to a halt just to take this guy back to where he should be. So he gets his hand held?

🦜 On top of that? One of his biggest peeves is loud noises. This is the loudest person in existence. AND THE TRUE ICING? This is his classmate.

🦜 All of the above is rather petty, but Emilio is a petty diva.

🦜 Sebek does not acknowledge Emilio’s existence, and that annoys Emilio even more. It’s not like Sebek forgot him, it’s just that he literally does not care about his immediately peers all that much to begin with, Emilio is not a special case at all.

Cecil Mugwort 🌿

🌿 It’s… again, it’s not like Cecil LIKES Rook, it’s more like Rook is fascinated by him. They’re both in the Science Club, so encounters are frequent. He asks Cecil a lot of questions but strangely never gets too personal. He finds him very uniquely beautiful :3 Especially when Cecil focuses hardcore on whatever he’s working on. He can relate.

🌿 Cecil does not believe any of that flowery stuff Rook says, it’s not like the guy doesn’t treat everyone with similar gravitas. He thinks he’s a weirdo. Cecil sometimes mocks his manner of speech and generally tries to ignore him, but they run into each other far too much for that to be effective.

🌿 It’s very possible that Rook knows from observation that Cecil’s self worth is kind of on the lower side, so he’s careful not to intrude too much- BUT knows that Cecil needs someone to be persistent in order for him to open up. Rook in general is just persistent so it works out.

🌿 Similar things can apply to his classmate Kalim and roommate/classmate Silver. Cecil gets invited to parties but never goes, and he more or less can be himself around Silver.

🌿 Cecil by all accounts “gets along” with nobody, he just tolerates others around him since he’s not going to DO anything except snark. …Well—

🌿 Cecil is terrified of Jade, but Jade wants to be his friend :) Cecil does not like Jade’s vibes, not that he’s a big fan of either Leech twin, but this guy is the one who pokes his buttons the most.

🌿 C’mon. They like the same things :) I mushroom, he mushroom? He’s seen Cecil dabble in terrarium making, they should exchange information and specimen sometime!

🌿 Jade likes to… observe Cecil. Usually, he doesn’t outwardly provoke him, but that’s kind of by design. Cecil is just such a disaster and brings so much chaos wherever he goes, and Jade can’t help but wanna witness all of it. If not witness, then maybe have a have in setting the pieces in motion ☺️ it’s such a joy to watch and really fascinating.

🌿 HE IS WHAT RIDDLE IS TO FLOYD.

🌿 Jade wants Cecil to join his club. You know. :) For fun. Cecil refuses to be alone with Jade in any capacity. Anytime he’s out and something stupid happens to him, how come that eel somehow always manages to show up!? AAAAAAAA—

Nyoka Wadjet 🫖

🫖 If asked by a staff member or his housewarden, Nyoka will engage in some light tutoring for younger students. Assuming they agree to it. Outside of his own dorm, most do not.

🫖 Every now and then, he ends up tutoring Deuce on a semi-recurring basis. Even though Deuce tends to hide that for pride reasons (he wants to be an honor student but still needing extra help kinda negs at him sometimes, especially if someone like Ace exists to be kind of a shit about it), Nyoka doesn’t really care. It’s not like he advertises this.

🫖 Deuce is kinda… he can be kind of oblivious to what’s around him, and for whatever reason , never really caught onto the fact that most people avoid Nyoka. (…he’s quite literally venomous so it’s not entirely without reason…) He kind of knows nothing about him at all, actually.

🫖 He just thinks Nyoka is super cool and the guy is actually an honor student— and not only that he explains the material in a way he can understand. (But he also thinks the whole cobra beastman thing is dope)

🫖 If Deuce gets a higher score after the fact he’s extremely willing to jump straight into the cobras den and show him. Which would baffle anyone else.

🫖 Ironically, despite being the most aloof person here, the way Nyoka regards Deuce is probably the most normal. He surprisingly does not mind him at all.

🫖 He might not show it, but… that freshmen is okay. The forward enthusiasm over test scores can be a tad off-putting but… it’s a strange feeling to be relied on without pretense. 🤔

🫖 Nyoka fucking hates Idia.

🫖 Idia doesn’t know why! HE DIDNT DO ANYTHINGGGGGG

🫖 I can’t say what the deep reason is. Too lore heavy. But, the most I’ll say is that it’s less about Idia himself and more about the Shroud family in general.

🫖 Other than that he does actually dislike him though. It’s the little habits… they build up, and it seems like no matter what Idia does or doesn’t do, it bothers him to no end.

🫖 “This isn’t as sexy as it’s supposed to be in those visual novels with the serious SSR glasses wearing character hating the plucky otaku 😭😭” -- Idia, probably.

[metis-metis]

Hey, so I never actually did an introduction but…

Hi, I’m Milly (she/her).

I started this blog when I was 17, and just starting my Classical Civilisation A Level (yes my first posts make me cringe too, but we learn and grow), and it just kinda grew from there to the point where I talked about it in my uni interviews and got in??? So thanks guys???

I’m in my final year of my Classical Archaeology and Ancient History degree at Oxford, which is insane. I know full well that a few of my posts got shared onto Instagram/Twitter and were liked by my classmates, so if by chance any of you are also on tumblr… hi, I guess?? Surprise???

I follow from @oxford-outis (gonna have to rename that one soon), where I post about Oxford and stuff. Chill vibes tbh.

I was lucky enough to go on a dig with my uni to Sicily this summer, and although I’m not going to be doing a masters/phd (that shit is expensive and my current career is actually shaping up quite nicely so I want to see where it goes), I do hope to do some more volunteer digs once I’ve got some more time in my actual day job.

This blog really doesn’t have a focus - it’s literally just anything ancient world/classics related (inc PJO because gotta stay true to my roots) but I am doing my thesis on the concept of object biography, with a particular focus on the role of private collections and copies, and otherwise I really love anything to do with horses (I have 2!) and Egypt, particularly in the first centuries (House H in Alexandria, my beloved).

For the past five years, I’ve also been heavily involved in outreach focused on access to higher education, so am always happy to share resources for that too, be it classics/archaeology, or Oxbridge related. My asks are always open and I’m pretty sure anon is on too so am happy to answer any questions ☺️

Calling all archaeoblurs!

If you're an archaeologist* and have a Tumblr, reblog this or sound off in the comments! I figured it's high time we put together a directory of sorts.

*for our purposes, archaeologist can mean someone who has or is working on a degree in archaeology, you don't necessarily have to be currently practicing. If you have a blog that is specifically archaeology focused, include that and what your specialty is!

[nightlyrequiem]

Apples, Oranges, and Other Small Fruits

Valeria shows you just how attractive she finds you and your small chest.

╰┈➤ Do you have small boobs? Does it make you feel like less of a woman? Well, me too. I actually start tweaking because of it sometimes. My tits literally disappear when I take off my bra and turn to the side and it drives me mental. Gaining weight doesn't even help because at my heaviest my bra size never went above an A cup.

w.c- 1,816

Tags/Warning: WLW, Fem!Reader, Small chested reader (I'm talking pretty flat.), Self-Esteem Issues, Unhealthy Body Image, Reader Has Some Body Description, Smut, Use of a Dildo, TITTY SUCKING RAHHHH

🍎🍊🍋🍎🥝🥝🍎🍋🍊🍎

You stare into the mirror and feel disheartened at what stares back. You bought this beautiful red dress. With a neckline that dips playfully and a slit up the side of it. How excited you were to have it and wear it. However now that you're seeing yourself in it... you're disappointed. Upset. It's completely unflattering. Flattening what little curves you had left. You turn to the side and feel a heavy pit in your stomach. Going braless was a mistake because your boobs are nothing more than barely perceivable lumps. Not to mention the dress isn't entirely form fitting and turns you into a box. You feel like a little kid playing dress up in mommy's clothes.

Another beautiful piece of clothing that looks cheap and stupid on you. In a fit of anger, you rip the dress off of your body and throw it across the room. You look back at your almost fully nude form. Looking at your body with disgust and hatred. Embarrassed by the sight of yourself. You look like a boy. Thin and gangly, soft in all the wrong places.

You think of your partner, Valeria. It's hard not to compare yourself to her when you see her everyday. You always chalked up your small assets to your thinner disposition. The idea that you could only have one or the other brought you the illusion of comfort, but you'd always be reminded that it isn't true. You tried body positivity, but that never worked. Being told fancier clothes and dresses fit better on smaller chested girls only frustrated you, because you found you never looked good in them. Unless you put on a pushup bra, and even then, it was a difficult task finding one small enough to fit into. You always hear about more well-endowed girls struggling to find bras that fit but you also struggle. The stores you go to often don't have bras small enough for you - unless they're sports bras.

You give yourself a long hard stare. As though by willing it enough, your mosquito bites will grow. They don't, and you can't stand to look at yourself any longer. You angrily shut the bathroom lights off and walk into the bedroom. The carpet soft under your feet. The long, elegant curtains are closed, hiding the room from the night-darkened world outside. They flutter in the cool breeze from the cracked open window.

The bedsheets are welcomingly cool when you lay under them. Pulling them over your body to hide yourself from the world. It's not always this bad. But sometimes you're stronger than your insecurity.

It doesn't help being with Valeria. You hate comparing yourself to her and you feel guilty when you do, but you can't help it. You've conditioned yourself to pick apart all the parts of other women you wish you had. Comparison is the thief of joy and what an excellent thief it is.

A hand gently touches your shoulder, startling you awake. You didn't even realize that you fell asleep.

"Sorry, amor, didn't mean to wake you." Valeria murmurs, pressing an apologetic kiss to your bare shoulder. Valeria crawls into bed beside you, groaning tiredly and moving around to get comfortable. The thing about Valeria is that she's a good read of character. She doesn't need to hear your voice or even see you to know you're feeling down about something.

Her hand travels down your arm and searches for your hand, interlocking your fingers with hers.

"What's wrong?" She asks. Valeria has been gone all day. Busy with keeping her cartel under control and always on edge at the fact that she could be found out or killed at any moment. She's tired. No doubt wanting to just go to sleep.

"Nothing." You whisper back. You turn over and press close to her. Hiding your face in her neck and taking comfort in her familiar smell. She doesn't need to be bothered with your unimportant problems.

Valeria stays quiet for a few moments. Despite your best efforts to keep your unhappiness to yourself, Valeria can still pick up on it.

"Did something happen while I was gone?" She presses, voice hardening with concern.

"No." You reply. Wanting her to drop it. Despite the very real distress the size of your chest causes you, you still feel silly for being so upset about it.

"Something happened." She murmurs. Valeria runs a hand down your back.

"... I'm just having a moment, don't worry about it." You reply. 

Valeria sighs.

"Talk to me about it." She says quietly. 

You hesitate. "It's about my chest." You say reluctantly. Saying it out loud makes you feel juvenile and silly. Valeria doesn't laugh at you or mock you though. She caresses your lower back gently.

"What's wrong with it?" She asks you.

"You know what's wrong with it." You reply. This isn't the first time you've felt insecure about your chest and it's not the first time you've complained about it.

"You think it's too small." She says.

"It is." You frown. "I'm not built like a woman. I don't look like a woman." Now you feel freshly upset about it.

Valeria rolls over and fumbles around her nightstand, turning on the lamp and chasing away the shadows. She looks back at you again, shoulders relaxed and dark eyes half lidded.

"Let me see." She hums. Gently sitting you up and turning your face this way and that. "Hm. Yes, yes." She mumbles. "Looks pretty feminine to me." She remarks. She moves her hands over your shoulders and under your breasts, pushing them up. "These look pretty womanly to me as well." 

"I get it." You mumble, face warming with embarrassment. Though her words do help reassure you a little bit.

"Do you?" She asks, raising a brow at you. Valeria shuffles closer to you, holding your face in her hands. "Do you understand that you don't need big breasts to be a woman? Is an apple any less delicious because it's not as big as a watermelon?" 

Valeria's eyes twinkle in the low orange glow. Glittering with desire and sympathy. She closes the distance and captures your lips in a soft kiss. Molding her lips to yours. You close your eyes and relax. You still find it difficult to believe that Valeria is completely satisfied with the size of your breasts. How could she be when you aren't? But she has no problems with palming them sensually. Pawing at you like a cat making biscuits. She seemingly has no issues getting turned on either as her breathing gets heavier.

She breaks the kiss to kiss down your jaw. Taking her time and savoring your skin. Valeria runs her fingers over your hard nipples and sucks hickeys into your throat. Huffing and moaning like she's the one being touched. She moves down and kisses one of your breasts lovingly. Palming and squeezing the other one. alternating between the two. 

"I can't get enough of you, amor." She breathes. She wraps her lips around your nipple and sucks, making you arch up into her mouth. She doesn't let up. Giving your chest hickeys to match your neck. She tugs and pulls your nipples, giving them equal attention.

You twitch and breathe heavily. Wrapping your arms over her back. After thoroughly coating your breasts in her saliva she moves off of you and sits up. She rummages around in her nightstand withdraws a dark coloured, phallic toy.

"Take off your panties." She murmurs. Waving the dildo at you. Without needing to be told twice you remove your underwear and kick them away.

Valeria grips the base of the toy in her hand and holds it to her lap, her free hand beckoning you over to her. You crawl over and hover over her lap, the tip of the dildo prodding your wet entrance. Valeria shifts the both of you so that your chest is right in her face. With a hand on your shoulder, she slowly lowers you onto the toy. Your walls stretching to accommodate it. You put your hands on Valeria's shoulders to aid you in riding. Valeria watches your chest with heavy interest. Enjoying the minor bouncing of the fat. The harder you go the more they do so. Much to the pleasure of Valeria.

You moan as you grind yourself down onto her lap. She can feel your arousal dripping from the base of the dildo and onto her hand, slickening her grip on it. She grabs and squeezes at your breasts with her free hand.

"Do you still feel unworthy?" She asks, squeezing harshly when you don't answer and making you yelp.

"No." You gasp. Not at the moment, anyway. Truth is, it's going to take more than some special attention to your breasts and an orgasm to heal these deep-rooted insecurities inside of you. But temporary relief is better than never, and you couldn't be more grateful for Valeria's care and patience with you.

"Tell me how beautiful you are." She murmurs. "You don't get to cum unless you do."

"I am beaut-" You sigh. "-beautiful."

"Good girl." She coos, giving your lips a quick peck. You take that as permission to finish yourself. Losing all sense of rhythm in order to achieve that climax. Cumming is the only thought you have.

Your walls squeeze around the toy and you lean down, sinking your teeth into Valeria's shoulder. A whine builds up in your throat and you let go of her. You pull yourself off of the dildo and lay down. Coming down from the high. Valeria tosses it onto a pile of dirty clothes and lays down beside you, stretching out an arm and pulling you closer to her, nuzzling her face into the side of your warm neck.

"Watch what you say about yourself." She whispers. "I don't tolerate anyone talking bad about my partner and you won't be an exception. You're a beautiful woman and I couldn't be happier to be waking up and coming home to you everyday. You're gorgeous and alluring and I lose my breath every time I see you." She murmurs. 

Valeria closes her eyes and not long after begins snoring quietly. She's always been a heavy sleeper, so you peel yourself away from her and get out of bed. Walking over to the lonely, discarded red dress. You grab it and slink off to the bathroom. Pulling it over your head and looking at yourself again. Your boobs don't look any bigger than the first time you put it on, but it doesn't bother you as much. It's cute. It's chic. Your body was the standard in the 1920's, and while it's not the 1920s, it still means something. this shaky admiration for your figure won't last, you know, but maybe someday you'll be able to love your body like Valeria loves it.

[annalacerda17]

So, I was thinking about how it seems like a huge part of the MDZS fandom has really poor reading comprehension, and I came to the conclusion that that's true, but also, that CQL is partly to blame for rampant misinterpretation of several characters. I think people who came to this fandom through CQL and only read the book afterwards (or not at all) are more likely to have formed certain opinions that are very different from what the book says.

When it comes to CQL, I think basically the entire pre-timeskip part of it is a mess. First off, the relationship between Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng is totally different. CQL insisted on inserting Jiang Cheng in places where he wasn't needed, they made up that disgusting romance between him and Wen Qing - like, book! Wen Qing wouldn't spare him a second glance. She literally saw him throwing tantrums left and right like a total toddler for a while, and she'd never consider him a potential love interest, she saw right through the pretentious prick- and to me that's made all the more horrific when we consider their actual relationship in the book: Wen Qing saved Jiang Cheng's life after Wen Ning had already taken huge risks to rescue him and she helped him hide and evade the Wens, she gave him medical care, which is already a huge favor if we don't take into account the core-transfer surgery, which Jiang Cheng didn't know Wen Qing was a the surgeon of (he did know, however, that Wei Wuxian was the one who helped him get a new golden core, so he doesn't get a pass there). But in return, Jiang Cheng refused to help her and her people after the war, and worse, he joined hands with the Jin sect in order to destroy his savior and her people. But CQL inserted a romance there????

Still on Wen Qing, CQL made her somewhat complicit - even if reluctantly so - in Wen Rouhan's evil schemes by making her go to the Cloud Recesses as a Spy. This plot didn't exist in the book at all. But what this does is to blame her for how the sects treated the Wen remnants after the war. This muddies the waters in a truly terrible way,when in the book it's very clear who is the victim and who are the perpetrators.

Then, there's the actor who played Jiang Cheng, and I don't know if he just chose how he wanted to act this character or if he was instructed to act this way, but the Jiang Cheng in CQL very strange. I think they interpreted the character as that misunderstood poor baby that his stans think he is, and that's how he is portrayed in all of the CQL-only scenes. But when he appears in a scene that's from the novel, he is portrayed as he is in the novel - a selfish, self-centered, angry, and violent man. So I can see how someone who first met this character in CQL might've come out of it confused about what this character is like, because the Jiang Cheng portrayed in CQL is inconsistent.

CQL definitely played up the "friendship" between Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian, which was mostly done in the beginning, before the sects' disciples were made into hostages by the Wens. Up until that point, their relationship is portrayed like a normal friendship and when Jiang Yanli is inserted, it sometimes does look like a brotherhood. Especially in the Cloud Recesses arc and later when they go chase the pieces of Yin Tiger Tally. However, that's not how their relationship is portrayed in the novel, and that whole arc of chasing the Yin Tiger Tally is non-existent, because in the novel it's Wei Wuxian who creates the Yin Tiger Tally, and it works differently from what's shown in CQL anyway. In fact, everything about Wei Wuxian's cultivation is completely different in CQL.

Then, after Lotus Pier was attacked, we stared to get a few glimpses of book Jiang Cheng. But even then it was mixed with a lot of crying and toddler like tantrums that even the book version of Jiang Cheng - who also loves to play the victim no matter how unreasonable it might be - would feel embarrassed.

Only at the first siege of the burial mounds do we get a more book like version of Jiang Cheng - a murderous asshole - and even that is framed in an ambiguous way. Like, remember that scene in CQL where Wei Wuxian falls down that cliff? A lot of people thought Jiang Cheng had hit the stone (with his sword) on purpose, and that he hadn't meant to kill Wei Wuxian. Now, I personally think it's quite obvious that Jiang Cheng was, in fact, trying to kill Wei Wuxian, and the book tells us that that's what he did during the first siege of the burial mounds, although that didn't involve a cliff, but I also think that for someone whose first contact with this character came from CQL, they might look at this and think of that first part of the story, where their "friendship" was played up a lot, and then look at the actors crying face, and reach the wrong conclusion. I think the portrayal of Jiang Cheng is awful. The actor only showed 2 expressions throughout: moderately happy or angry-crying. That can make it difficult for the audience to discern what emotion they are supposed to see there.

Then, by the end, they inserted that line where Jiang Cheng thinks of Wei Wuxian and says "live well" with a nostalgic smile on his face. Where did that come from????

Moving on, CQL is also responsible for spreading the idea that Wei Wuxian had depression or that he was suicidal. This i don't think is the fault of the actor, because he was clearly told to act this way. But CQL tried to make the story a lot more angsty in general, maybe to make up for the lack of an explicit romance. Although I have to give them credit for making sure everyone who watched it knew without a shadow of doubt that wangxian was a couple, despite censorship.

CQL also downplayed Wei Wuxian's genius. This to me was a poor choice. I understand that they had to make some changes when it came to Wei Wuxian's cultivation because of censorship, but I'm sure they could've done it ia a way that didn't take away his accomplishments.

Another thing that I blame CQL for is the abominable existence of the XiYao ship, or at least for it's popularity. First, they inserted Jin Guangyao into the Cloud Recesses arc, then they played up all of his interactions with Lan Xichen, and framed it how we would typically see a romantic couple's relationship develop in most dramas. I think this gave a lot of viewers the idea that Jin Guangyao liked Lan Xichen first, but then became corrupt as the story progressed. However, in the book, Jin Guangyao had been manipulating and using Lan Xichen from the beginning. Their relationship has much more of a sinister feel to it from the beginning in the books.

Anyway, right now I can't think of any other problem brought into the fandom by CQL, but I'm sure there's a lot more. My brain is tired now, so I'll stop here.

[tiredandoptimistic]

Not to make a post about the parallels between Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Supernatural in the year of our lord 2025, but that's exactly what I'm about to do so strap in.

The similarities between Angel and Castiel's situations are kinda impossible to miss. Besides their biggest similarity (which I'll get to in a moment), both of them are introduced to the series as mysterious and morally questionable supporting characters who pop in and out giving advice before integrating into the main story and cast due to a close relationship with the protagonist. Clearer than any of that though is their shared curse: experience a moment of true happiness, and something terrible will happen. Angel will lose his soul and Castiel will get dragged to superhell. Luckily, both of them are immortal guilt machines who excel at repression, so it takes a while for either of those curses to activate. For Angel it happens after he and Buffy have sex in season two, and I think we all know the basics of Castiel's confession to Dean in season fifteen. What I think is so interesting is that both of them have "true happiness" triggered by an expression of romantic love, but they kinda fall on such opposite ends of the spectrum that they wrap around to being the same.

For Castiel, "happiness isn't in the having, it's in just being," and literally just telling Dean that he loves him is his definition of happiness, because he's letting go of his fears and repression and simply allowing himself to feel and express his affection. Additionally, he believes that through this confession and summoning the Empty he will be saving Dean's life, so he's happy that his love can protect others. Angel on the other hand gets his moment of happiness through the most traditional example of love being fulfilled. While it's easy to joke about sex turning him evil, I'd like to point out that he doesn't lose his soul mid sex or even directly afterwards; he wakes up in the middle of the night to dramatically turn evil in the rain. It wasn't just sex, it was the intimacy of having sex with someone he loves and falling asleep next to her. Either way, we get two apparently distinct triggers: romantic words and romantic actions.

The thing that I find so fascinating about Angel's situation in particular is that he is totally able to date Buffy and say he loves her and stuff. Before he loses his soul and after he gets it back they're openly a couple and he's not even subtle about how down bad he is for her. Looping back to Castiel, it's an almost direct parallel to his idea of the difference between "having" and "being" in regards to happiness. Angel doesn't get pure happiness from having a relationship with Buffy because even when they're together he isn't really letting himself be in the moment. They make a big deal in season three about how they can't have sex because it would risk triggering Angel's curse, but I genuinely think that he'd be too afraid of losing his soul to actually experience that simple happiness with her, even if they did have sex. Like I pointed out earlier, it's about emotional intimacy more than physical intimacy, and after learning exactly how much damage he can do without his soul, Angel will not let himself be fully emotionally intimate with anyone (even if his romantic relationship with Buffy is pretty good and healthy given the circumstances).

Castiel has seemingly been aware of his romantic feelings towards Dean for a long time, but he's so focused on keeping his emotions hidden that he wouldn't let himself feel any actual joy in regards to that relationship. He was clearly happy with Dean, but his feelings were always tempered with grief until he realized that genuinely expressing himself and his love could help rather than harm. While Angel got happiness from a moment of reciprocation, Castiel didn't need to hear Dean's response because he was happy just openly admitting his feelings.

I just think it's neat how in both cases it's not having a romantic relationship with their beloved that actually causes true happiness, it's emotional honesty with themselves and the people around them. The romantic words are important for Castiel opening up about his feelings towards Dean, and the romantic actions are important for Angel accepting Buffy's feelings towards him.

[embbarnes]

giggling and kicking my feet 💕 I loved how this was written, such a fluffy and sweet fic! I don't see very many that are majorly fluffy like this, and it's always so sweet to read!

Ofc my thoughts as I read below the cut ~ I got a little thirsty at the end LMAO

Of all the ways you had been hoping to spend the last few hours of Valentine’s Day, over 30,000 feet in the air next to a snoring man who has never heard of deodorant was at the bottom of your list.

I literally hate flying for this specific reason. I'd buy an entire aisle to avoid this. I don't like being on planes in general, but the people and dealing with the public when everyone is already cranky and irritable is not fun.

Today is your first Valentine’s Day as a couple, and instead of spending it with him, you’re spending it on a commercial flight with dozens of strangers. You can’t help but wonder how many of them are missing their significant other, too.

You know that's true. I've flown around holidays and had flights cancelled, and I wondered how many people would be missing Christmas with their families because of the flight. It's a better perspective to have, instead of just focusing on the negatives, realizing other people are in the same boat you are.

If you’d had it your way, you would have woken up to his face this morning. The two of you would have slept in as late as you desired, and had a slow, lazy morning before cooking him brunch. Waffles, sausage and bacon, scrambled eggs with extra cheese and hot sauce – all of his favorites. You would have taken a stroll through the park before stopping at the bakery that you frequent for doughnuts and coffee, and maybe visited the botanical gardens before your dinner reservations this evening.

Stop this is literally the most perfect day 😭

Valentine’s Day aside, you simply miss him. You’ve been missing him since the moment you left for Nebraska, and you’re more than ready to be back in his arms. This is not the first time you’ve been apart due to work related trips, but this is by far the longest – a whopping seven days.

Nebraska 😭 I will never go back.

You miss the way he wants to keep at least one hand on you throughout the night, the way he talks to Alpine as if she will actually respond, and the way that he hums without even noticing that he’s doing it. All of the seemingly little things that you don’t think much of on a day to day basis, but when you’re apart, make you miss him all the more.

Alpineeee my shaylaaaa 😭💕

Plus, if he had picked you up, it would have ruined your plan to surprise him by stopping by his favorite pizza parlor down the block from your apartment on your way home. Sal’s Pizzeria is always open until midnight, and every year they run specials the entire week of Valentine’s Day on heart-shaped pizzas.

My hometown had a Sal's that just shut down, that's insane. But some places here have heart-shaped pizzas around valentines! I've never had one, but I want to try to this year!

At first, you assume that Bucky is already asleep. But as you walk down the short hallway, you realize there’s soft music playing from somewhere in the apartment. You don't think much of it, since you know that Bucky prefers playing music as opposed to the television for background noise.

What are you up to buck buck...

You stop dead in your tracks when you step into the kitchen. Dozens of tea light candles illuminate the room, placed strategically on the island in the middle of the room. And on the countertops, and the shelves – basically any flat surface twinkles with the delicate flames. You stand frozen as a statue with your mouth agape as you take in the scene before you. In addition to the candles, there’s a spread of food across the island. Plates of delicious smelling pasta, small bowls of soup and glasses of red wine. Tied to the backs of the barstools are red and pink heart-shaped balloons. It looks straight out of a romance movie.

This would make me cry fr. He is so sweet omg.

“Pizza pairs well with pasta, I think,” Bucky's voice breaks you out of your trance. “Can never have too many carbs.” Your gaze snaps over to where he emerges from the den. He wears a bashful smile, and even in the low glow of the candlelight, you can see the faint hint of blush blooming across the apples of his cheeks. He has his hands behind his back, as if trying to conceal something from you. “You did all of this?” You ask lamely. Your voice is barely a whisper and contains a noticeable quiver. “For me?” You can’t wrap your brain around it. No one has ever done anything quite like this for you. All of your ex boyfriends always shrugged off Valentine’s Day, leaving you feeling lucky if you got so much as a card. You’d long ago learned not to expect much of anything. Definitely not anything as intimate and thoughtful as this.

Crying omg. This entire bit is absolutely precious. I love the dynamic and his demeanor sm.

“Who else would it be for? Alpine?” He teases, extending the jar to you. You plop the box onto the counter so that your hands are free to accept the flowers. Upon closer inspection, you realize the bouquet of flowers are not real flowers. Well, yes and no – they’re wildflowers, made of out Legos. You can’t help but giggle, remembering how you had mentioned how cute you think the Lego set is when you saw it while buying some groceries at Target a few weeks ago. You giggle even harder when you picture Bucky assembling all of the tiny pieces of the bouquet with his large, vibranium fingers.

I'm tryinggg to not reblog the entire fic again but it's so hard to contain my thoughts! It's just so thoughtful and special, not plainly and mindlessly picked like roses would be. Which those are fine too, of course, but I like more personalized gifts, ones with thought and meaning behind them like this.

“All I got you is a lousy heart-shaped meat lovers pizza,” you sniffle against his t-shirt and you feel his chest vibrate with laughter. You know that you have the reasonable excuse of being on an assignment in the middle of butt-fuck nowhere Nebraska for the last week, but you still feel bad. “Hey,” he murmurs, using his index finger to tilt your face to look up at him. He grins down at you for a moment before tenderly pressing his lips against yours. You melt into him right away, having missed the feeling of his lips on yours in the week that you’ve been apart. His hands travel to your lower back, pulling you flush against him. Your own hands cradle his face, your thumbs caressing the light dusting of stubble that adorns his cheeks. You can already feel the outline of an erection forming through the thin material of his pajama pants when he pulls away, much to your disappointment. “I love meat lovers pizza,” he assures you with a smirk. “And I love you. The best present you could give me is coming home to me.”

I got something else for you too - AHEM. I want to kiss him so bad, it's not even funny. The gentleness, how he presses his lips against the reader is sooo good. I can feel how tender he is. And y'know...I can only imagine how his tent feels too~

You eat together in the glow of the candlelight, with soft music playing in the background and heavy rain beating down against the windows of your apartment. You talk about everything from the details of your mission to what he did while you were away. The food is delicious, the wine he picked out pairs perfectly, it’s cozy and peaceful and romantic – and you realize that you’re enjoying this so much more than you ever would have enjoyed an upscale steakhouse in downtown Brooklyn.

I love how domestic this feels. Something as simple as sharing a meal and talking, but it's so hard to imagine and see Bucky in a calm, loving setting with his life and whatnot. I always really like it when it's included in fics because it's what he deserves.

He opens the shower door, a cheeky grin spreading across his face as soon as his eyes trail up and down your body. The way he looks at you never fails to make you feel like he’s seeing you naked for the very first time, every time. His hands immediately come to rest on your hips, easing you back against the cool tiling of the shower wall. “God, I missed you,” he sighs as he massages his fingers into the meat of your hips. The contrast of his warm flesh hand and cold vibranium hand on your waist has you arching into his touch.

God you really know how to set a scene. You write things out so well, I can vividly see this happening and I want it 😭

He nudges your legs apart with his knee, inserting one of his large thighs in-between your own. You sink your bare pussy onto the expanse of his muscular thigh, dragging your center across him for friction. He kisses you until you’re breathless, and only pulls away to instead latch his mouth over one of your nipples. He rolls it between his lips and tongue, using his hold on your waist to help move you up and down his thigh. He alternates between each nipple, kissing and sucking on each until they’re pert and pebbled.

YEAH SO, EATING GOOD HERE

He presses a final kiss to the side of your neck before pulling away and smirking down at you. He reaches over to one of the shelves in the shower, grabbing a loofah and your bottle of body wash.

I always forget loofah is spelled that way and it catches me off guard anytime I see the word written out 😂

“I’ll have you know that I showered before you got home,” he says as he squirts a dollop of the gel onto the sponge. “I’m just here for your entertainment – and your convenience, of course. Now turn around.”

He's so cheeky I love it

“You’re really going to tease me like that? On Valentine’s Day, of all days?” “Pretty sure it’s after midnight now,” he quips with a smirk.

Still being a brat but I love him for it

You turn so that you’re out of the direct line of the water, and lower yourself to the shower floor. His cock bobs inches in front of your face. You grasp him in your hand, languidly stroking his length as you stare up at him. “Then I guess you’re lucky that I missed you so much.” He opens his mouth to retort, but snaps it shut with a sharp intake of breath when you wrap your lips around his tip. You swirl your tongue around him, lapping up the beads of pearlescent white that had gathered around his slit. You begin to bob your head, taking more and more of him into your mouth until he hits the back of your throat.

That thing is gonna imprint itself in my throat istg.

Above you, he throws his head back and hisses at the sensation. His metal hand cradles the back of your head, guiding your movements. You gag at the overwhelming fullness, pulling away from him for air. You ease him back into your mouth, setting a steady pace. He rocks his hips forward, meeting your movements with his own. In one hand, you cup his balls, gently massaging the sack. With your free hand, you attempt to relieve the growing ache between your own thighs by rubbing quick circles over your clit. The thrusts of his hips start to grow erratic, and you feel him twitch against your tongue when he suddenly pulls away from you.

This is so hot but I also love his he cups her head like that. I get tired of the grabbing and jerking you around I see constantly. This is much better and sweeter, and I love it.

He wastes no more time, diving into your pussy. His tongue swirls over your clit as he brings one long, metal finger to tease your hole. He nudges it inside as his lips suction around the sensitive bundle of nerves at the top of your folds. Your body goes relaxed, your back sliding down the wet tiling of the shower wall. Bucky helps support you from down below as he sinks his vibranium digit deeper inside you. The coil in your lower belly tightens quickly, pent up from a whole week without his touch. He can always tell when you’re close by the little noises that you make and the way that you tug on the short brown locks of his hair with your fingers. He groans as he licks a thick strip up your slit, sending you over the edge.

Good GOD, girl. I know that metal hand feels soo good up there. His tongue movements and focus are perfect. I love the detail that he knows when she's close, it shows their bond and how tight it is by how familiar Bucky is with her.

Alpine is snoring softly at the foot of your king sized bed, completely oblivious to the fact that you’re even home. Everything is exactly as you left it, from the stack of half finished books on your nightstand to the orange Himalayan salt rock lamp that hasn’t been turned off a single time since the two of you moved into the apartment together. The comfort and familiarity of everything makes you feel all the more grateful to be back home.

Again, another thing I love that you add. These little details that paint the scene are wonderful and it makes the fic feel warm.

“Catch!” He warns before gently tossing it across the bed to you. You catch it, a smile blooming across your face as you sooth your thumb over the velvet material encasing the small box. He walks over to your side of the bed to stand beside you. You raise the lid to box, revealing a dainty gold chain with a capital letter B dangling in the center. You think it’s perfect. It’s isn’t overly ostentatious – it’s the perfect size, and so very you. “Do you like it?” Bucky asks, a hint of nervousness in his voice. “I love it,” you assure him, overwhelmed by how sweet and thoughtful he is. “Help me put it on?”

I want one RN.

“Thank you, baby,” you whisper as you raise up on your feet to press your lips to his. The light flavor of your slick lingers on his lips, sending a fresh wave of arousal through your gut. “So much.” “Of course,” he murmurs against your mouth. “Now lay down. Wanna see how it looks on ya without the towel.”

Move aside...I got this one 😈

Fr such a beautiful, fluffy fic. I loved this one, perfectly soft and tender while being hot with the smutty scenes. Still so, so Bucky. You characterize him so perfectly I am addicted to your writing. Descriptions are always perfect, you add all those little details that I adore, and you know just how to make words feel like home. 💕💕

all's well that ends well to end up with you

bucky barnes x reader

summary: bucky isn't going to let an extended mission, a severe thunderstorm, and a delayed flight ruin your first valentine's day together.

word count: 3.8k

warnings/tags: SMUT, 18+ only mdni, oral (m&f receiving), fingering, nipple play, reader is afab, established relationship, no use of y/n, reader is described as being shorter than bucky, fluffy as hell, sweet domesticity

wrote this for my bb @embbarnes 💕 happy (very early) valentine's day, everyone!

Of all the ways you had been hoping to spend the last few hours of Valentine’s Day, over 30,000 feet in the air next to a snoring man who has never heard of deodorant was at the bottom of your list.

You should have seen it coming from the moment that your two day mission was extended to a three day mission, but you naively held out hope that you’d be able to make it back home in time to salvage the second half of the day.

Getting back early enough to keep the seven o’clock dinner reservations that you’d made for a new, upscale steakhouse in Brooklyn would have been possible if a last minute thunderstorm hadn’t delayed your flight back to New York.

Now it’s already half past seven, and you’ll be lucky if you make it back home before midnight.

Truthfully, you don’t care about the dinner reservations. Sure, you’d heard great things about the food and you had been excited to go, but you could easily reschedule the reservations for another time. The only thing that you were truly bummed about was not getting to spend the day with Bucky.

Today is your first Valentine’s Day as a couple, and instead of spending it with him, you’re spending it on a commercial flight with dozens of strangers. You can’t help but wonder how many of them are missing their significant other, too.

If you’d had it your way, you would have woken up to his face this morning. The two of you would have slept in as late as you desired, and had a slow, lazy morning before cooking him brunch. Waffles, sausage and bacon, scrambled eggs with extra cheese and hot sauce – all of his favorites. You would have taken a stroll through the park before stopping at the bakery that you frequent for doughnuts and coffee, and maybe visited the botanical gardens before your dinner reservations this evening.

Bucky had assured you that it wasn’t a big deal and that the two of you would make up for it when you were back home. He patiently reminded you that life doesn’t take holidays and special occasions into consideration when dishing out things such as extended work trips and inclement weather conditions.

Valentine’s Day aside, you simply miss him. You’ve been missing him since the moment you left for Nebraska, and you’re more than ready to be back in his arms. This is not the first time you’ve been apart due to work related trips, but this is by far the longest – a whopping seven days.

You miss the way he wants to keep at least one hand on you throughout the night, the way he talks to Alpine as if she will actually respond, and the way that he hums without even noticing that he’s doing it. All of the seemingly little things that you don’t think much of on a day to day basis, but when you’re apart, make you miss him all the more.

By the time your flight lands in New York and you catch an Uber back to your apartment, it’s nearly eleven o’clock. Bucky, of course, had offered to pick you up from the airport, but you had insisted that you were okay with getting an Uber, not wanting him to get out so late at night in the heavy rain.

Plus, if he had picked you up, it would have ruined your plan to surprise him by stopping by his favorite pizza parlor down the block from your apartment on your way home. Sal’s Pizzeria is always open until midnight, and every year they run specials the entire week of Valentine’s Day on heart-shaped pizzas.

Knowing Bucky, he’s likely been living off of instant Ramen since you left for your trip, so you figure he’ll be ecstatic over a late night pizza. Not to mention, you’re famished yourself – all you’ve eaten since lunch being the pack of Biscoff cookies you’d been given on the plane.

Lugging your suitcase, a backpack, and the large pizza box, you fumble with your keys before unlocking the door and stepping inside.

At first, you assume that Bucky is already asleep. But as you walk down the short hallway, you realize there’s soft music playing from somewhere in the apartment. You don't think much of it, since you know that Bucky prefers playing music as opposed to the television for background noise.

It’s almost completely dark, minus low orange lighting that trickles into the hallway from the kitchen.

“I’m home, baby,” you call softly as you approach the kitchen’s entryway. “I know it’s late, but I brought you some pizza, if you're hun—”

You stop dead in your tracks when you step into the kitchen. Dozens of tea light candles illuminate the room, placed strategically on the island in the middle of the room. And on the countertops, and the shelves – basically any flat surface twinkles with the delicate flames.

You stand frozen as a statue with your mouth agape as you take in the scene before you. In addition to the candles, there’s a spread of food across the island. Plates of delicious smelling pasta, small bowls of soup and glasses of red wine. Tied to the backs of the barstools are red and pink heart-shaped balloons.

It looks straight out of a romance movie.

“Pizza pairs well with pasta, I think,” Bucky's voice breaks you out of your trance. “Can never have too many carbs.”

Your gaze snaps over to where he emerges from the den. He wears a bashful smile, and even in the low glow of the candlelight, you can see the faint hint of blush blooming across the apples of his cheeks. He has his hands behind his back, as if trying to conceal something from you.

“You did all of this?” You ask lamely. Your voice is barely a whisper and contains a noticeable quiver. “For me?”

You can’t wrap your brain around it. No one has ever done anything quite like this for you. All of your ex boyfriends always shrugged off Valentine’s Day, leaving you feeling lucky if you got so much as a card. You’d long ago learned not to expect much of anything. Definitely not anything as intimate and thoughtful as this.

“Of course for you,” he murmurs with a low chuckle. He saunters over to where you’re still standing with the pizza box clutched in your hands, and pulls what appears to be a bouquet of flowers in a large mason jar out from behind his back.

“Who else would it be for? Alpine?” He teases, extending the jar to you. You plop the box onto the counter so that your hands are free to accept the flowers.

Upon closer inspection, you realize the bouquet of flowers are not real flowers.

Well, yes and no – they’re wildflowers, made of out Legos. You can’t help but giggle, remembering how you had mentioned how cute you think the Lego set is when you saw it while buying some groceries at Target a few weeks ago. You giggle even harder when you picture Bucky assembling all of the tiny pieces of the bouquet with his large, vibranium fingers.

Your eyes begin to well with tears that threaten to spill over. You quickly blink them back, not wanting to show just how emotional the ornate, colorful arrangement of plastic flowers is making you.

Not just the bouquet – all of it. The food and the wine, the balloons, the candles, the forties music playing lowly from the record player in the living room – the sheer amount of time and attention that he put into creating such a romantic display, and all from the comfort of your home.

“They’re perfect,” you murmur, wiping away a stray tear with sleeve of your sweater. You place the mason jar of the plastic flowers in the midst of the spread of food in front of you, making the scene complete.

“It’s all perfect.” He opens his arms to you, and you happily melt into his embrace. He smells of his familiar earthy cologne, and you can’t help but inhale deeply, relishing in the comfort of his scent and warmth.

Even if you’d come home to him passed out in bed, you would’ve been ecstatic to just crawl under the covers beside him. All of this is more than you ever would have hoped for.

“All I got you is a lousy heart-shaped meat lovers pizza,” you sniffle against his t-shirt and you feel his chest vibrate with laughter. You know that you have the reasonable excuse of being on an assignment in the middle of butt-fuck nowhere Nebraska for the last week, but you still feel bad.

“Hey,” he murmurs, using his index finger to tilt your face to look up at him. He grins down at you for a moment before tenderly pressing his lips against yours. You melt into him right away, having missed the feeling of his lips on yours in the week that you’ve been apart.

His hands travel to your lower back, pulling you flush against him. Your own hands cradle his face, your thumbs caressing the light dusting of stubble that adorns his cheeks. You can already feel the outline of an erection forming through the thin material of his pajama pants when he pulls away, much to your disappointment.

“I love meat lovers pizza,” he assures you with a smirk. “And I love you. The best present you could give me is coming home to me.”

“Still. I’m going to make it up to you,” you promise with a feather light kiss to his lips. “I promise. First thing tomorrow, I’m going to—”

You’re cut off by a low rumbling noise that sounds from between your bodies – a reminder that you haven’t eaten a substantial meal in twelve hours now. You glance over to the plates of food on the island beside you, inhaling the delicious aroma of the dishes.

“I made an educated guess that you’d be hungry,” Bucky chuckles. He reluctantly drops his hold on your waist and moves to pull the barstool out for you. You hop up, taking your seat in front of a heaping plate of pasta and a bowl of French onion soup. Your stomach growls again at the sight.

“Did you make all of this?” You ask, unable to hide the surprise in your voice. It’s not that Bucky is a bad cook – he has a few go-to meals that are always excellent, but he normally doesn’t stray too far out of his comfort zone.

“I did not,” he admits with a sigh. He takes a seat directly across from you. “I ordered takeout from the bistro down the street before they closed earlier. Heated it all back up when you texted me that you were almost home.”

“Well, it’s fucking delicious,” you mumble through a mouthful of the creamy pasta.

You eat together in the glow of the candlelight, with soft music playing in the background and heavy rain beating down against the windows of your apartment. You talk about everything from the details of your mission to what he did while you were away. The food is delicious, the wine he picked out pairs perfectly, it’s cozy and peaceful and romantic – and you realize that you’re enjoying this so much more than you ever would have enjoyed an upscale steakhouse in downtown Brooklyn.

You both end up being too full of pasta and soup to eat any of the pizza that you’d brought home, but you’re happy that you’ve got a whole pizza to look forward to having for lunch tomorrow.

“Thank you, baby,” you tell him after swallowing the last sip of your wine. “For all of this. It was more than I could’ve hoped for today.”

He reaches across the counter, grabbing your hand in his own and bringing it to his lips. “Of course,” he murmurs against your skin, eliciting goosebumps down your arm. “As much as I wish we could’ve spent the day together, I still wanted to make the last hour of it as special as possible.”

He stands, releasing your hand as he begins to collect the empty plates and glasses. “You go on and get ready for bed, yeah? I’ll clean up in here.”

“Nonsense. It's almost midnight. These dishes can wait until the morning. Just stick them in the sink and come shower with me.”

You don’t even care if the whole apartment still smells of garlic and French onion soup in the morning – you’ve been showering and sleeping without him for the last week, and it’s still technically Valentine’s Day, so you’ll allow the dirty dishes to sit for the next eight hours.

To your pleasant surprise, he needs no further convincing. He piles the dirty dishes into the kitchen sink and puts the uneaten pizza in the fridge while you get the shower water up to temperature. By the time his pajamas fall to the bathroom floor, you’re already standing under the hot stream of water.

He opens the shower door, a cheeky grin spreading across his face as soon as his eyes trail up and down your body. The way he looks at you never fails to make you feel like he’s seeing you naked for the very first time, every time.

His hands immediately come to rest on your hips, easing you back against the cool tiling of the shower wall. “God, I missed you,” he sighs as he massages his fingers into the meat of your hips. The contrast of his warm flesh hand and cold vibranium hand on your waist has you arching into his touch.

“I can tell,” you giggle, pulling his face down to yours by the back of his neck. His mouth slates over yours, his tongue sweeping along your bottom lip. You part your lips for him right away, more than ready to feel and taste him after all of your time away.

He nudges your legs apart with his knee, inserting one of his large thighs in-between your own. You sink your bare pussy onto the expanse of his muscular thigh, dragging your center across him for friction. He kisses you until you’re breathless, and only pulls away to instead latch his mouth over one of your nipples. He rolls it between his lips and tongue, using his hold on your waist to help move you up and down his thigh. He alternates between each nipple, kissing and sucking on each until they’re pert and pebbled.

His erection gains your attention as it juts against your belly. You reach between your bodies, taking his length in your hand and stroking him with ease, the water from the shower making his skin slick.

You whimper above him, desperate for some release. He laughs, peppering kisses across your breasts and up your neck. You feel him smiling into the column of your throat.

“I think you missed me, too,” he murmurs against your pulse point.

“Maybe,” you admit, your voice etched with impatience. “Why don’t we hurry and get out this shower so I can show you just how much I missed you?”

He presses a final kiss to the side of your neck before pulling away and smirking down at you. He reaches over to one of the shelves in the shower, grabbing a loofah and your bottle of body wash.

“I’ll have you know that I showered before you got home,” he says as he squirts a dollop of the gel onto the sponge. “I’m just here for your entertainment – and your convenience, of course. Now turn around.”

You do as he says, turning around to face the shower wall. You brace yourself against the tiles with your forearms, relaxing as he begins to massage the soap across the tops of your shoulders and down your back.

He takes his time, lazily rubbing the skin of the backs of your thighs before reaching around and doing the same to your stomach and chest. As good as it feels, all you can focus on is the head of his cock nudging against the curve of your ass.

“Bucky.”

The word comes out somewhere between a moan and a warning – a warning that if he doesn’t finish lathering your body in the next two seconds so you can rinse the fuck off, you’re going to take matters into your own hands.

“What is it, baby?” he asks innocently, stepping forward ever so slightly so that his cock inches between the space where your thighs meet your ass.

You turn back to face him, grabbing the loofah out of his hand and tossing it to the opposite end of the shower. The stream of water that beats down against your bodies washes the suds down the drain.

“You’re really going to tease me like that? On Valentine’s Day, of all days?”

“Pretty sure it’s after midnight now,” he quips with a smirk.

You turn so that you’re out of the direct line of the water, and lower yourself to the shower floor. His cock bobs inches in front of your face. You grasp him in your hand, languidly stroking his length as you stare up at him.

“Then I guess you’re lucky that I missed you so much.”

He opens his mouth to retort, but snaps it shut with a sharp intake of breath when you wrap your lips around his tip. You swirl your tongue around him, lapping up the beads of pearlescent white that had gathered around his slit. You begin to bob your head, taking more and more of him into your mouth until he hits the back of your throat.

Above you, he throws his head back and hisses at the sensation. His metal hand cradles the back of your head, guiding your movements. You gag at the overwhelming fullness, pulling away from him for air. You ease him back into your mouth, setting a steady pace. He rocks his hips forward, meeting your movements with his own.

In one hand, you cup his balls, gently massaging the sack. With your free hand, you attempt to relieve the growing ache between your own thighs by rubbing quick circles over your clit. The thrusts of his hips start to grow erratic, and you feel him twitch against your tongue when he suddenly pulls away from you.

“Not gonna cum in your mouth,” he answers when he looks down to see your questioning stare. “Not tonight. Missed you too much.”

He pulls you up by the tops of your arms and eases you back against the shower wall once more. He then takes your place on the floor, kneeling in front of you. He trails kisses along the wet skin of your thighs as he hooks one over his shoulder. He wastes no more time, diving into your pussy. His tongue swirls over your clit as he brings one long, metal finger to tease your hole. He nudges it inside as his lips suction around the sensitive bundle of nerves at the top of your folds.

Your body goes relaxed, your back sliding down the wet tiling of the shower wall. Bucky helps support you from down below as he sinks his vibranium digit deeper inside you.

The coil in your lower belly tightens quickly, pent up from a whole week without his touch. He can always tell when you’re close by the little noises that you make and the way that you tug on the short brown locks of his hair with your fingers.

He groans as he licks a thick strip up your slit, sending you over the edge. Your orgasm washes over you, your cunt clenching around his thick vibranium finger as he sucks your clit until you go still above him.

It's then that it hits you that the water from the shower has started to run cold.

“Come on,” Bucky says, rising as he wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. He turns the faucet off and grabs the two towels that hang over the glass wall of the shower, handing you one before wrapping his around his waist. “Let's get out of here. I’ve got one more gift to give you before we continue this.”

“Another gift? You’ve already done so much. I didn’t even get—”

He gently shushes you with a sly grin, exiting the shower before you can protest any further. You pat your skin dry before securing the towel around your chest and then follow him into your shared bedroom.

Alpine is snoring softly at the foot of your king sized bed, completely oblivious to the fact that you’re even home. Everything is exactly as you left it, from the stack of half finished books on your nightstand to the orange Himalayan salt rock lamp that hasn’t been turned off a single time since the two of you moved into the apartment together. The comfort and familiarity of everything makes you feel all the more grateful to be back home.

You grab a bottle of lotion off of your bedside table and begin lathering it onto the skin of your legs as you watch Bucky rummage through the drawer of his own nightstand. After a moment, he pulls out a small, dark red colored box.

“Catch!” He warns before gently tossing it across the bed to you. You catch it, a smile blooming across your face as you sooth your thumb over the velvet material encasing the small box. He walks over to your side of the bed to stand beside you.

You raise the lid to box, revealing a dainty gold chain with a capital letter B dangling in the center.

You think it’s perfect. It’s isn’t overly ostentatious – it’s the perfect size, and so very you.

“Do you like it?” Bucky asks, a hint of nervousness in his voice.

“I love it,” you assure him, overwhelmed by how sweet and thoughtful he is. “Help me put it on?”

You don’t care that it’s the middle of the night, you want it on you right now.

Bucky takes the box from you, carefully removing the necklace. You turn away from him, letting him drape the delicate chain around your neck. The charm lands just below your clavicle.

“There,” he murmurs as he clasps the chain together. You turn back to face him, letting him see his initial displayed across your chest. “Perfect.”

“Thank you, baby,” you whisper as you raise up on your feet to press your lips to his. The light flavor of your slick lingers on his lips, sending a fresh wave of arousal through your gut. “So much.”

“Of course,” he murmurs against your mouth. “Now lay down. Wanna see how it looks on ya without the towel.”

[noirandchocolate]

Another tiny nighttime headcanon, this time about the origin of the name Kohga! Now, there’s been plenty of other people explaining on Tumblr and elsewhere that the names “Kohga” and “Yiga/Iga” were inspired by real world Japanese ninja clans/the regions where they lived. That’s the very cool Doylist explanation. This post isn’t about that, it’s for a Watsonian explanation, in my own lil’ AoC-timeline ‘verse, as always.

The original Master Kohga, as I’ve said before, was the Chief of the major Sheikah settlements around Satori Mountain at the time of the ancient King’s betrayal. His full name—because as we know from the monks in BotW the Sheikah had family names 10,000 years ago—was Mogg Kohga.*

So where did that name come from? Welllllll…. I have seen some internet sources saying that IRL the name “Kohga” means “old river.” I don’t know how true that actually is on Earth (I’d welcome confirmation or disproving), buuuut…

I headcanon that the river that flows near Satori Mountain, that separates its environs from Central Hyrule, was once called the Kohga River. And much like a human on Earth might be named Jordan, Mogg Kohga was named for that river.

I also headcanon that the river’s path once ran closer to the Mountain, through the area now called Nima Plain,** but that at some point in the intervening 10,000 years it changed course, leaving that area a wider, low, grassy plain and, to the south, Dalite Forest. (It also flooded the very old Sage Temple area and created the moat around the Colosseum that was built much later.) But at the time Mogg Kohga lived, the river he was named for was quite a boon to the Sheikah living on and near Satori Mountain.

And now it’s called the Regencia River. Three guesses why. …okay if you said “because the ancient Hylian monarchy wanted to wipe the Sheikah and their culture off the map (literally) and ‘Kohga’ is a distinctly Sheikah name while ‘Regencia’ sounds Hylian and noble,” you win the prize of me saying, “you are smart and know how imperialism works!”

Any-wayyyyy…. Every Master of the Yiga Clan since then has taken on the name Kohga when they ascend to the position. 1) In honor of the first Master, 2) so they can do a kinda “from the ashes of one comes the next” thing, and 3) as an up-yours to the Hylian Royal Family that changed the name of the river. THE Kohga might be all but erased, but A Kohga will always exist in the shadows…

Added super bonus headcanon! I said in my tags on this post that this obviously means every Master Kohga once had a name that was NOT Kohga. Well! Once each successive Master ascends…. That original name just kind of goes away, other than in prior records. Nobody is supposed to—allowed to, really—address the Master by their former name. Of course plenty of people will know the old name, that goes without saying. Everyone in the Clan at the time of the ascension who’s old enough to understand what names are, don’t be silly! But it’s kind of like a culturally-enforced deadname. If someone calls a Master Kohga by their before-name, they’ve got to ignore it or correct that person, etc. You can’t call them by it behind their back, either. Doing so is considered really rude, taboo even. That’s not their name anymore.

So now for juuuust a little thing to think about. :)

Imagine you’re the Heir, and the unthinkable—or at least, something you’ve never really wanted to think about—has just happened. Your father, Master Kohga, is dead. He wasn’t even old! He was cut down, murdered, in his prime, only seventy-five! And you? You’re just twenty-five, and sure you’re big and strong and know all this powerful magic…you’ve been trained practically from birth to one day take over the Clan…. You’re capable, you think. You’ve got to be. But…it wasn’t supposed to happen yet. For decades, even. Not like this. Not like this.

But you pass the tests, and you ascend, and…Master Kohga is your name.

You liked your before-name. Loved it, even. Your Mama chose it, and she’s been…off, lately, weak for no reason anyone can tell…. And now not even she is allowed to call you by your…shoot, do you have to stop thinking of it as your “real” name too? Really? Nobody can use it anymore. Or any of your old nicknames, either. Your friends, your now-former mentors, people who’ve known you all your life. Nobody.

You liked being [Redacted].

You can’t be [Redacted].

You are Master Kohga.

~~~

*Family names apparently went first in ancient Sheikah custom. I assume this is so based on the two Dueling Peaks monks being canonically twin brothers: Shee Venath and Shee Vaneer. There is also a group of three monks with the family name Shae: Loya, Mo’sah, and Kenath. Aaaand there’s Dah Hasho and Dah Kaso, Kah Yah and Kah Okeo, Kema Kosassa and Kema Zoos, Maag No’rah and Maag Halan, Shai Utoh and Shai Yota…yeah. Guess being high-ranking martial artists and technicians and devout Hylia followers may have run in families!

**Interestingly, “Nima” is the given name of Monk Tutsuwa Nima, who gives Link a test of strength at his shrine at the Spring of Power in Akkala. I just noticed this tonight. Hmm…perhaps the area by the shore of the Kohga River was already named Nima something-or-other, and this monk was named for the geographical area too? Or both man and area are named for something else, that “Nima” means in Ancient Sheikah…? Still, kinda funny that I’ve been like “lol the Sheikah used to live at Satori Mountain” and it turns out an area near Satori Mountain has the same name as a monk…astfgldsksksd this kind of thing Happens to Me.