#like i know the very idea of a new smash is wishful thinking in and of itself

[luckylunatix]

Listen I know it's like a rule that only characters originally from video games can be in Smash but personally I think you could make a case for Bullfrog Captain Laserhawk being allowed in by way of loophole bullshit like

No, he's not from a game technically..... But the show he's from was made by a video game company, and it features characters from their games in it, and although Bullfrog himself was made for the show he is supposed to represent Assassin's Creed

All this to say that if they ever made another Smash game I'd probably wish for Bullfrog to be in it because even though I know it won't happen I like to think it could if the devs felt like bending the rules just a little bit without getting too crazy

[wavesoutbeingtossed]

The TTPD Deep Dive (Part ?)

It’s no secret that I have a lot of Thoughts about The Tortured Poets Department and it has lived rent-free in my head since it came out earlier this year. I’m absolutely blown away by how underneath the chaos, it’s actually an exceptionally cohesive story and is probably the closest to a concept album Taylor has ever done.

There are so many themes that have stood out to me over the last five months, and there’s one in particular that I think not only drives the entire album, but ties into previous albums to help deepen understanding of it.

This is it, my fangirl magnum opus, my months of posts consolidated into one place. This is also my disclaimer that this is just my interpretation of the album, and my summary of the story it tells, and I don’t pretend to have any special insight or authority. I’m not saying I’m correct at all, do not take any of this as fact, it’s just what it sounds like to me, and these are my silly not-so-little thoughts about it.

(Under a cut because it’s way too long and involves discussion many may not care for or be sick of.)

Come one, come all, it's happening again (I'm thinking too hard about Taylor music)

The overarching theme in TTPD to me is: Grief. If you’re looking at TTPD as a story being told (instead of just as someone’s real life), the inciting incident of TTPD is loss, and the grief from that loss is what drives the narrator’s actions and the fallout, as well as unpacks those complicated feelings and how they apply to the her life in general. By the end of the standard album, it’s also about recovering from that pain, moving on from it and learning from it.

The loss specifically is the loss of the dream of having a family (with one’s partner). One thing that is abundantly clear both on the top line and under the surface in TTPD is how Taylor (as a person and as narrator) longed not only to for marriage but specifically parenthood, and the fear and then realization of losing that chance absolutely wrecked her— which is why the next lover’s (the conman's) wooing worked so well, because it preyed on that yearning. Yet that loss also dovetails into the grief of many things: of youth, of idealism, of relationships, of ideas, even of self, which causes almost a deconstruction of a belief system to piece one’s life back together by the end.

THE CONTEXT

TTPD weaves in the topics of marriage and motherhood both explicitly and in the subtext, in various forms and scenarios. The cheating husband in “Fortnight.” The wedding ring line in “TTPD” the song. “He saw forever so he smashed it up” in “My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys.” All of “So Long, London.” Running away with her wild boy in “But Daddy I Love Him,” fantasizing about weddings and joking about babies. The imaginary rings in “Fresh Out The Slammer.” The cheating husband (again) and the friends who smell like weed or “little babies” in “Florida!!!” “You and I go from one kiss to getting married,” “Talking rings and talking cradles,” and “our field of dreams engulfed in fire” in “loml.” (And arguably: “I wish I could un-recall how we almost had it all.”) “He said he’d love me all his life, but that life was too short,” in “I Can Do It With A Broken Heart.” They may not sound like much on their own, but they paint a picture about how the topics pervaded her thoughts and her writing, and in many cases express her desires, and her pain.

It’s something that goes back several albums when you pick up on context clues. You get the first hints on Reputation with “New Year’s Day,” and “you and me forevermore.” Then Lover is very forward with it: “Lover” is basically wedding vows, “Paper Rings” is very engagement-coded, “I Think He Knows” is cheeky but low-key “you better put a ring on it,” “It’s Nice To Have A Friend” has wedding/marriage imagery in the last verse. As a self-professed diaristic writer, it’s the type of stuff one presumably doesn’t put out there unless those conversations have already happened, and she was very excited about it at the time it was released.

Then the pandemic happens and folklore comes out, and while there is still happy love there (“invisible string”), there are also the first indications that something has happened to put a halt to whatever future she once dreamed of (“hoax,” “the lakes”) and that she’s trying to reassure herself and him that it can still happen even if she’s scared it might not (“peace”). Notably, as far as I can remember it’s the first time Taylor explicitly brings up the idea of family (with her partner) with “you know that I’d give you my wild, give you a child,” which stood out at the time because it’s so incredibly vulnerable, but it’s even more poignant when you really take in that the whole song is like a confession of her deepest worries, and this is her vowing to give him these things that she holds most sacred if he’ll let her. These are what she cherishes most dearly and wants to return in kind: her youth and commitment (my wild), the family she craves (a child), unconditional support (swing for the fences/sit in the trenches) and understanding/compassion (silence that only comes when two people know each other).

Evermore follows an even darker path, and suddenly the album explores relationships that end and grappling with loss. There are toxic relationships (“tolerate it”), dangerous marriages (“no body, no crime,” “ivy”), failing/broken relationships (“Coney Island,” “champagne problems,” “happiness,” “‘tis the damn season”), as well as grief (“Marjorie,” “evermore”). Even some of the happy songs have uncertainty in them: in “willow” she’s begging for him to take her lead, like she’s still trying to decipher him and ask him to commit; in “cowboy like me,” still a beautiful love song, she’s thinking, “this wasn’t supposed to work and we were supposed to bail on each other but we fell in love instead”; “evermore” is about the depths of severe depression (and more) with the love story being the one saving grace in her darkest hour. And it’s also notable that after all the “fiction” writing, shortly after this album she writes “Renegade” where she’s telling the subject: I’m ready to start the next phase of our life now, why aren’t you? Is it me you don’t want after all? It’s like there’s something telling her that this stall might not just be a stall.

Midnights is a jumble (in a good, but in hindsight, also sad way) with the “sleepless nights” concept, but it seems pretty clear now that the themes and events and relationships she was revisiting tied into a lot of what she was feeling in her present life. I wrote the cliff notes version awhile back, but she’s questioning so much of her life that’s reflected in past events and relationships. Am I actually always the problem? How did we lose sight of each other and what we had? We only seem to work when we block out everyone and everything else. Can we ever go back to when things were good? Why are you neglecting me? I once thought I was going to lose everything but you saved me in the nick of time, can that happen again? I chased my career, but did I give up my chance at having a family in the process? Nobody knows what I really suffer from behind closed doors and I’m all alone.

And so on, which in retrospect now that we have TTPD, is very much what she was grappling with in private while writing and releasing the album. The inspiration behind the songs may have been different events and muses, but regardless of their origins they all end up feeling too familiar, like she's seen this film before (ahem). We’re seeing her view of commitment change too, or rather how she writes about it: she’s not making the outright declarations of it like on Lover, or even the implied ones on folklore, nor is she talking of the dark side of it like evermore. For the most part it’s a return to the early days of some relationships, before things got hard, or the end of them when there was nothing left, and also pushing away the discussion of it altogether by the outside world. “Sweet Nothing” is a sweet slice of life, but even at that, it’s the peace of the home in conflict with the pressure of the outside world. Now that we have “You’re Losing Me,” which was written at the same time as the rest of the album, we can probably deduce that she was going back to the start because something happened that made her doubt the future.

THE SETUP

So much of Midnights directly ties into TTPD, and I said in the post I linked that it’s like Midnights is asking the questions that TTPD answers. But there’s one song in particular on Midnights that sticks out to me as being key in the broadest sense to understanding the state of mind that led to the events of TTPD, and that’s “Bigger Than The Whole Sky,” because the way it expresses grief is reflected in the theme of mourning a life built and the dreams along with it that are never realized in TTPD. There are several instances in TTPD that are basically variations of: “every single thing to come has turned into ashes,” and that’s what makes her snap, and leaves her vulnerable to someone who promises her those things when she’s bereaved at losing them in the first place. (In other words: “the deflation of our dreaming leaving me bereft and reeling.”) The song tells a story about how that loss of hope colours one’s entire mindset, and in some ways is a bridge to TTPD to understand what such a low point feels like.

I think that that grief, and most importantly losing hope for an imagined future in its wake, is fundamental to understanding TTPD on so many levels: both the decline with one partner that kept her hanging on then led her such a dark path, and why she fell for the conman's apparent bullshitting because it offered an express pass to what she was losing with her partner. And I also feel like it plays a part into the ruminating she’s doing all over Midnights, trying to make sense of where she finds herself when she’s writing the album, which directly leads to “You’re Losing Me.” Loss permeates so many of the stories on Midnights: of lovers, of innocence, of youth, of faith, of control, of life’s work, etc. “BTTWS” is just one of the ways in which it is expressed so fully, capturing that deep depression and subsequent extinction of faith in something that once felt assured and very much wanted. (Which is also mentioned in her writing process in the “Depression” playlist on Apple Music.)

If you understand why that feeling of loss in general across so many parts of life is so important to Midnights, then it illuminates so much about the “narrative” in TTPD too. If on Midnights she’s wrestling with the seeds of grief and loss (on multiple fronts), TTPD is her reckoning with it in its full form. “So Long, London” is the song that is the most explicit about it: How much sad did you think I had in me? How much tragedy? Just how low did you think I’d go before I’d have to go be free? You swore that you loved me, but where were the clues? I died on the altar waiting for the proof. It’s the sequel to “You’re Losing Me.” It’s, the air is thick with loss and indecision, I know my pain is such an imposition, I’m getting tired even for a phoenix, all I did was bleed as I tried to be the bravest soldier, I’ve got nothing left to believe unless you’re choosing me, my heart won’t start anymore, but from the other side of the break.

This is highly speculative, but if you follow the thread about the topic and the relationship as told from Rep through TTPD, in broad strokes it goes: young love with a serious connection (Rep) -> growing up and making life plans (Lover) -> something happens that delays those plans or makes them grind to a halt (folklore) -> serious doubts arise and cause a loss of faith in their future (evermore) -> struggling with the loss of that future and trying to make sense of the problems in a last ditch attempt to save the relationship (Midnights) -> fallout from that grief after the blowup of the relationship (TTPD). Understanding that progression of events (through the music) explains not only the storytelling side of TTPD (e.g. the jump from the partner to the conman) but also how the experiences/muses blend in the music, and how the music that on the surface is about the short-term relationship is really driven by the destruction of the long-term one.

Following the music, it’s IMO implied that Taylor (the narrator) was holding out for marriage and family with her partner, for years, and it seems like it was at one point a shared dream until something happened to pump the brakes, and seemingly on her partner’s end. And extrapolating further, given how the sorrow expressed in former albums bleeds into TTPD, it sounds like a plan that had been concrete in some form before it had fallen apart, and losing something that once felt so tangible is what drives her in her grief to find any kind of respite from the pain. Which is why the situation with the conman becomes so appealing as the one with the partner splinters further and further.

(If everything you’ve once touched is sick with sadness and you don’t want to be sad anymore, what are you left to do?)

THE STORY

So (one part of) the story kind of sounds like this from the standard album: the relationship with her partner as well as his mental health slowly deteriorate and he withdraws emotionally (“London,” “Fresh Out The Slammer”) and physically (again, “London,” and “Guilty As Sin?”) and takes his resentment out on her (“London” and arguably “My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys” even though I don't want to get into muse speculation here). As she sinks deeper into her own depression as a result, the weight of the failing relationship starts feeling like a cage— or a noose (“London,” “Guilty”), but coming to terms with the loss of their life together and the future they’d dreamed of was killing her (again, “London,” but also “I Can Do It With A Broken Heart”).

Enter the conman who she reconnects with at the very point where this is coming to a head (knowing that IRL she reconnected with him around the time Midnights was being worked on) , and if you read between the lines, she confides some deeply personal things to him (“Down Bad” and “hostile takes overs”/“encounters closer and closer,” “Smallest Man” and the entire sleeper cell spy imagery which is one of my favourite things and I could write a whole essay about the meaning of it, “loml” and “A con man sells a fool a get-love-quick scheme”). Then after she’s confided these secrets to him, he insinuates himself back into her life (“Guilty,” “Down Bad,” “Smallest Man”) and sells her a dream that HE can give her all these things she hopes for (again, “Down Bad,” “Smallest Man,” “loml,” song “TTPD,” “Broken Heart”).

But the thing is, he only knows these are the things she wants because she’s revealed it to him, and presumably, told him that was what she was losing by staying with her partner. And instead of the normal response of, “that is really sad that your partner is not supporting you and you deserve to be treated better,” to a friend in growing distress, it seems like it was, “well I can give you all those things!!!! Right now!!!! Trust me!!!!” And worked on her until she believed it, and jumped at the chance at a precarious time in her life. And one thing I want to underscore is: Taylor has agency in the situation always, it’s not like she’s been kidnapped and brainwashed. (In fact, she implores on songs like “But Daddy” that SHE is in charge of her own choices, good or bad.) She chose to rekindle the friendship and then relationship, and she chose to eventually leave her long term relationship for another man, and she reiterates on the album that she owns this all. But it’s also: nothing exists in a vacuum, and she makes choices based on emotions and information she has at the time, which is why it gives so much whiplash.

THE ALBUM

When you look at it as, the situation with the conman only happens because of what happened with the partner first and that the appeal of the conman and the fantasy he sells her is a direct reaction to that, it makes the “swirliness” of the music make so much more sense. And for much of it, even many of the “conman” songs on the surface are really “partner” songs underneath.

Fortnight

A suburban gothic allegory about a broken marriage with a distant husband with a wandering eye, which makes the rekindled romance with the neighbor so appealing. She’s miserable caged in her stifling house because she’s been abandoned by her spouse, so the reappearance of this past love reignites the passion that’s dead at home.

TTPD

“So tell me, who else is gonna know me?” “I chose this cyclone with you.” I’m gonna kill myself if you ever leave. Everyone knows we’re crazy. She’s laying it out there that she’s already in a dangerous state of mind, and she’s actively putting herself in more danger by pursuing the conman. “At dinner you take my ring off my middle finger and put it on the one people put wedding rings on, and that’s the closest I’ve come to my heart exploding,” spells this whole thing out so clearly: whether it’s an actual event (likely) or a metaphor for the promise he makes to her, the reason why it makes her heart explode is because it’s the thing she’s been waiting for forever with no movement, and here this person comes in and slips it on her finger in an instant like it’s nothing. (And eventually, as we’ll come to know, it is absolutely nothing to him.) You mean it could have been this easy this whole time?! (Well, no. Not until a certain other suitor makes his appearance later.) It feels like she’s finally getting everything she wanted in the blink of an eye! How lucky! How convenient! What was that about the get-love-quick scheme you say? (Unsaid: the reason why this feels so urgent is because there’s a sense that time is running out in so many aspects of her life and not just the obvious. Which reappears later on.)

Down Bad

“Did you really beam me up in a cloud of sparkling dust just to do experiments on?” sets the scene for this euphoric experience in the moment that starts to feel violating once the dust settles (which is then followed up in “Smallest Man” and the spy mission on her). The bridge spells out how he weaselled his way into her life, preyed upon (intentionally or not) her emotional state, sold her a dream and then vanished, without the benefit of hindsight yet we see later in the album.

The alien abduction metaphor is pretty brilliant, because it shows both how she was desperate to escape the place she found herself in, and how much it screwed her brain to then be left stranded when the affair was over. “[I loved your] hostile takeovers, encounters closer and closer,” is so evocative because it details how the situation came to be: his overtures under the guise of friendship blurred lines until he made her an offer that she eventually couldn’t refuse (hostile takeovers) as he infiltrated her life more and more intimately. The sad thing is that the song has parallels to how her relationship with the partner started too in earlier albums, in that they ran away to live in their own bubble (or planet) only for him to metaphorically abandon her as the years went on. (Oven, meet microwave.)

My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys

Being continually emotionally broken down by a person who knows he’s hurting you but still acts the way he does. (The original voice memo version makes this even clearer and it’s rather heartbreaking.) “He saw forever so he smashed it up,” speaks to the loss of a future the person became scared of, and the original lyrics (“he saw forever so he blew it up”) somehow cut even deeper to me because it feels so much more intentional.

Also in the original version, “he was my best friend and that was the worst part,” also speaks not only to the loss of an entire partnership in the wake of this hurt, but also to the feelings of betrayal that the person you trust so deeply has the ability to hurt you in this way too, and how it’s a one-two punch of not only losing the relationship but also your closest confidant. (It’s like the sequel to “Renegade” and the missiles firing to me.) Again, there are shades of both/many situations in the song, pointing to an unfortunate pattern in some ways. The situation in “My Boy” is part of why she was so low, and why the “get love quick scheme” was so appealing later on. And it dovetails nicely into…

So Long, London

The most explicitly “partner” song that puts a coda on “You’re Losing Me,” and is Track 5 because it’s the emotional underpinning of how she got to where she was, and drives the events of the rest of the album. It spells everything out: He withdrew, she tried to fix it for both of them, eventually even that stopped working, he was oblivious to or minimized how badly she was suffering and his (in)actions couldn’t reassure her, he wouldn’t move forward on their future plans and stewed in his own struggles, she was spiralling out of control trying to hang on and ultimately felt like she was going to die if she didn’t leave.

But Daddy I Love Him

Like a direct reaction to “So Long, London” in that she breaks free from the death of one relationship and throws herself with reckless abandon to the next, fuck the haters. How dare you judge me, when the relationship you think I should have stayed in was killing me? (Dutiful daughter all the plans were laid. All you want is gray for me.) Fuck all of you, I’m going to choose whoever I want! (So what if I have a baby with HIM, huh?! I tried doing it the proper way and look where that got me so now we're back to square one) It’s again her imagining how wonderful and freeing this “wild boy” is going to be for her, and how wrong she’ll prove everyone. THIS TIME she definitely got it right. So what if she has to run away! So what if she scandalizes the whole town! They don’t know what she really wants or needs anyway! She’s the only one of her (hee-hee-hee) and she’s the only who gets to decides how this goes. (Because: she longs for control in a situation she’ll eventually realize she has little of it in, which we’ll find out is a recurring theme in her life.)

Fresh Out The Slammer

Also spells out what happened with the partner in the first verse and the pre-choruses, which is what makes the conman so appealing as the imagined jailbreak. The bitter loneliness vs. the sultry passion she builds up in her head as she awaits her release from prison is key to understanding the two sides of the story in the album. There’s this whole outlaw imagery (which is also carried through in “I Can Fix Him”), but it’s contrasted in the end with her and her reunited lover sitting on park swings like children with “imaginary rings” — because “Ain't no way I'm gonna screw up now that I know what's at stake.” What’s at stake is lasting love and the promises that come with it (marriage/family) that are precious and time-sensitive. The imaginary rings are both a nod to the youthful dreams of her and her new/old lover, but also has a double meaning to me because those promises aren’t built on anything together; they're made up, intangible. (They’re no more concrete than the plans that went up in smoke with the partner.) Like with most of the conman situation, it’s all a fantasy in her head that has yet to happen, and as we find out later in the album, reality ends up leaving much to be desired.

Florida!!!

Broadly speaking, it’s running away from your problems and wanting to disappear from your life. (But again: the life she’s disappearing from is the cheating husband she may or may not be feeding to the swamp-- another miserable marriage.) What kind of flies under the radar though is the “I don’t want to exist,” line, which points to her dire state of mind that led her to fleeing to that metaphorical timeshare down in Destin. In many ways about cheating death.

Guilty As Sin

Yes it’s the “masturbation song,” but again the nuance is that she’s left to pleasure herself because her partner has abandoned her emotionally and even physically, i.e. “my boredom’s bone deep.” To be blunt: they aren’t even intimate anymore, so she starts fantasizing about the guy she used to have chemistry with who’s reentered her life and is making moves on her. And realizing that she’s now finding release in another man (albeit imaginary) breaks her even as it reinvigorates her because she finally understands that the relationship she’s in is effectively dead. (“Am I allowed to cry?”)

Who’s Afraid of Little Old Me

This isn’t about relationships, but about society and its reaction to them in a general sense. But again, she’s left to stew in all this anger and hurt as she’s been abandoned at home, then abandoned by public opinion, and the public attack on her is part of the origin as well as the end of that story. The trauma inflicted upon her detailed in the song is the reason why she felt trapped in the first place, which led to the decisions she’s made and habits she’s leaned on ever since.

I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can)

This is one of the few songs that is the most completely conman-coded, and shows when the delusion finally breaks at the end of the song. She spends the whole song being like, “no really, I alone can make him better! You’ll see! I know he’s gross, but he’s mine! It’ll be fine I swear! You don’t know anything! Uuuuuum hmm wait actually what the fuck—“

Loml

Oof. THE song. Again the surface reading is about the “conman” who comes in and sells her the lie, but the pain is because all the dreams she writes about are HER dreams and implied that they were the dreams she built with her partner that the conman sold back to her. I could do a deeper dive on this but most of the song is applicable to both relationships, which not only shows the “swirliness” of her writing, but also how they both ultimately did the same thing to her in different shades.

The bridge and the last chorus are kind of fundamental to understanding it all, and her ending it with “you’re the loss of my life” is about, among other things, how falling for this trap blew up the life she built and dreamed of for good. (I could talk about this one forever.) “You shit-talked me under the table, talking rings and talking cradles” to “Our field of dreams engulfed in fire” is a hell of a line and progression, and again, indicative of what the real driving force behind the whole album is. The shit-talking is because he took her dreams (of marriage and children) and hyped it back up to her tenfold whether in a moment of his own delusion or for more nefarious reasons — much like how the man prior kept promising these things but never followed through, which left her vulnerable to someone who appeared to offer them enthusiastically. The field of dreams isn’t just the one with the conman, it’s the one with the longterm relationship she’d built the dream with in the first place, because the conman’s actions are part of the reason the LTR went up in smoke. (Not the reason for the rift, but the consequence of the final break.) And THAT is why it’s the loss of her life, so completely.

When she says “I wish I could un-recall how we almost had it all,” IMO it’s not just the fake future that the conman lures her into, but also (and perhaps mainly) the once-real one she had with her partner and the loss of which that made her susceptible to falling for the con in the first place. There’s honestly so much between the lines in this song that covers every theme and speaks to the grief of seeing the life she imagined slip away, slowly by the first man then annihilated by the second.

I Can Do It With a Broken Heart

The juxtaposition of “He said he’d love me all his life, but that life was too short” and “He said he’d love me for all time, but that time was quite short” sums it up to me (and parallels “loml”), because they are two different situations, but they cut her just the same. In the first, “that life” IMO was the life they’d built with the dreams that went along with it and it was too short because he never followed through, and in the second, the “time” was quite short because it was the frenzy of the whirlwind romance that fizzled as quickly as it began. The life that was too short led to the time that was quite short.

The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived

This is definitely THE conman song. The rage, the shame, the violation, it’s all in there. But the key to it is the bridge and the espionage imagery woven through it. A honeypot scheme is when spies target a mark and seduce them to gain their trust and their privileged information for their homeland. So her likening him to a sleeper cell spy who set her up just to mine her deepest secrets and use them against her is a heavy, loaded statement. And implied: that valuable information she unknowingly held were her longings of marriage and family (the aforementioned shit-talking about rings and cradles she never got to have), and more importantly, those dreams preceded him reentering her life and then beginning his mission on her.

The insinuation then is: she confesses these are her deepest wishes which are now seemingly unattainable in her current situation (e.g. with her partner) -> he convinces her HE will give them to her and make the dreams she pines for come true -> she falls for him and blows up her life to make it happen -> he gets what he wants (thrill of the chase/sex/the idea of her/whatever his intent was) -> he abandons her when he gets what he wants, or rather it isn’t what he wants or can handle -> she’s left a) all alone b) with dreams unfulfilled c) with no answers d) feeling used at having her most sacred wishes used against her.

Again, the song is unquestionably about the way the conman absolutely destroyed her, but he was able to do that because there was this thing she wanted more than anything, that was dying in her previous relationship, that he was able to prey upon to seduce her, then discarded her and her dreams as soon as it was inconvenient for him while absolutely hollowing her inside out. (And again: the devastating thing is that this also applies to other relationships she’s written about, in different ways.)

The Alchemy

Not about either the partner or the conman directly, but it (loosely) touches on her finding herself after the whole oven-to-microwave experience and opening herself up to life and love again. #GoodForHer

Clara Bow

This isn’t about the romantic relationships on the surface, but it is about how damaging the entertainment industry and public life are on women, and how women are only valued for their beauty as commodities until they can be discarded and destroyed in the process. Which I think plays into the circumstances that led her to make the decisions that she did years ago, and why she makes the ones she does now. (But also, being valued for physical traits and appeal for the male gaze brings us to…)

The Manuscript

The “original sin” that kicks off all of this. Again, at first light this isn’t about the partner or the conman, but the person it is about is the reason why she has made all the decisions she has ever since in relationships (and that’s Mr. Plaid Shirt Days from “All Too Well”). The realization that her first serious adult relationship is what cemented these patterns, and this view of herself and her worthiness in relationships, is profoundly sad. An older man who valued her for being so mature for her age and implying that the mature activities ahem associated with that were the performance benchmarks in her ability to carry a relationship, only to leave her, was earth shattering. She placed her faith in this person, but then the way he treated her changed her view of love and of herself.

She took his innuendo about “pushing strollers” as a sign of potential commitment, whereas he ultimately meant it as foreplay, and she was too young and naive to know the difference. So not only did she learn from that that this man (and men) didn’t view commitment and family the way she did and that it was something to be toyed with, but she also learned that her value to them among other things was sex. Imagine being an idealistic 20 year old and your boyfriend ten years your senior tells you, “if the sex is anywhere near as good as our dates have been, we’re going to be making babies before you know it,” (e.g. this is relationship is serious) and then he dumps you: does that imply that the sex was not in fact that good? (E.g. that you’re not worthy after all?)

No, obviously from this side of life, it’s because he was a commitment-phobic playboy, even if he did love her, but she couldn’t have known that at 20 and instead internalized that shame. But, it did send her on a path of how she approached sex and love and relationships for over a decade afterwards. And her coming to the realization that that first act of (perhaps unintentional) manipulation is what informed her actions thereafter helped her break the pattern. Her worth to men is not just sex, she has value and her hopes and dreams have value, she doesn’t have to change into a different person to please anyone, because if that is what they want, they won’t ever want her anyway.

It’s been described here on Tumblr by people more eloquent and astute than I as a song that encapsulates the album as this: one did it slow (partner), one did it fast (conman), and one did it first (first love)— and that is haunting. After years of men minimizing her dreams and desires, if not outright using them against her, she’s finally at the point where she can let it all go and move on for good. (There’s a whole other tangent about consent and shame and manipulation, but that’s an entirely different kind of discussion. But it is so devastatingly contrasted with “you said if we had been closer in age maybe it would have been fine, and that made me want to die.”)

THE SUMMATION

This is just my interpretation of it, but in going through the standard album, it feels pretty clear how cohesive the album is about a story of love and loss and grief, then reckoning with what caused it all in the first place that set a person on this path. It’s a formative experience at a young age that was traumatic and led to certain coping mechanisms and a shaping of one’s self-perception, as well as the reaction to external pressures that try to dictate behaviours and influence how one feels one deserves out of love which makes it harder to know when one absolutely deserves more and better. And leaves one struggling to cope with loss when there isn’t anything else to hold onto. Then in light of one’s life blowing up, learning to find oneself in the aftermath all over again.

On another tangent that is somewhat related to the theme of loss, the way she writes about the two main muses on the standard album also ties into how the situations converged to create absolute carnage on her emotional and mental well-being. With one situation, she’s talking about a concrete life that crumbles under the weight of their struggles; with the other, the entire thing is a fantasy that she builds up in her head, and when it comes to fruition it falls far, far short.

If you look at the “microwave” (conman) relationship, you realize that almost everything she writes about it happens before it actually becomes reality, and it’s mostly her imagining how great it’ll be, but with few exceptions, when she writes about what actually occurred, it doesn’t even come close to living up to her expectations. “Fortnight” is an imagined future where she escapes to Florida and his touch finally starts her stalled engine (ahem). “TTPD” is perhaps the most positive retelling of their time together, but even that implies he was better off stoned and when he sobered up he succumbed to his demons all over again, and more importantly she conveys how she also is in extreme distress, barely concealed by the veneer of being infatuated with him. (E.g. saying to that she’ll kill herself if he ever leaves her — the implication is that she is absolutely serious about it when she “felt seen.”) And that the warning bells are going off in her head, but she feels like this person is the only one she can be with (because they’re equally fucked up and the chaos he brings into her life makes her feel alive when she felt so close to death).

“Down Bad” is the most explicit about being in love, but she’s also left completely confused and disoriented by him disappearing, wondering if any of it was real and the seeds of violation creep into her consciousness (“did you really beam me up in a cloud of sparkling dust just to do experiments on?” “Waking up in blood.”). “But Daddy” is her imagining she can tell everyone to fuck off for telling her what to do with her life. “Fresh Out The Slammer” is her fantasizing about this man while feeling trapped in her relationship — but never in the song is she actually reunited with him; she’s using him as the projection of all the things she’ll make right after being wronged by her partner. “Guilty As Sin?” Is very obviously about her fantasizing about sleeping with him, but again it’s such a minefield for her because it hasn’t happened yet; they’ve only just reconnected. “I Can Fix Him” is the only song other than “TTPD” that shows them actually together, and it’s the one where she keeps saying, essentially, “I know he’s gross but I can rehabilitate him into an upstanding person, trust me,” until the mic drop at the end of the song where it finally hits her that no, she can’t, because this is who he is, not the person she’s built him up to be.

“Loml” is when it all comes crashing down, and the song emphasizes everything he did and told her, e.g. that she’s the love of his life, but she doesn’t return the sentiment in the song about their time together. Because now that it’s past tense, she knows it wasn’t actually love. (And says as much in the album epilogue poem.) “Broken Heart” is her reeling in the aftermath, but again, it’s “he said,” not “I loved.” And then there’s “The Smallest Man,” where she eviscerates him: he also pursued an idea of her but didn’t care much for the real her in front of him (who else is gonna know me?), he love bombed her only to hurt her (crushing her dreams), he was constantly stoned (and not just in the funny munchies kind of way), and he wasn’t even a good lover (despite the fantasy she’d created before). That last point is especially striking because she spent albums singing about the importance of and pleasure in (sexual) intimacy in the relationship with her partner (sometimes to both their own detriment) and how it was at times the only way they could connect, but in this case, the idea she hyped up and acted on in her head about this lover never panned out in practice. She spells it out in the epilogue: it wasn’t a love affair, it was a mutual manic phase.

In contrast, there’s a lot more tangible action in the “oven” (partner) parts of the album, showing how hard she tried to make the relationship work in real life instead of just in her head. All of “So Long, London” is her detailing how she tried to break through to him and support him, even when he rejected it and pushed her away, thinking she could carry them both until they ultimately sank, but she did it because she “loved this place for so long.” (The place? Not just the city, but the home and perhaps most importantly, him.) In “Slammer” she stayed with him even as things disintegrated for “one hour of sunshine.” (E.g. holding onto the rarer good times even as they were fewer and further between, hoping things would eventually turn around.) And like in “London,” she held on despite people in her life pleading with her that it was hurting her. (Which is also echoed in “Slammer.”) In “Guilty” her boredom is “bone deep” because the passion that once drove their relationship (and papered over their problems) has finally gone out too, so there’s nothing left to hold onto, leading to her fantasizing about the new suitor, which makes her realize her relationship has passed the point of no return. “Loml” is about the conman on the surface, but the undercurrent of all the things she says about him is that he was co-opting the dreams that she was clinging onto for dear life in the previous relationship, which is why the con is so painful; the field of dreams he sets ablaze isn’t just the fake painting he sold to her, but the original artifact (her life with her partner) too.

All the physical and emotional labour she puts into the relationship with her partner ends up reflected in the fantasizing she does in the one with the conman, which is why it is so confusing in the moment and so lethal when he leaves her without any answers. She wants to get married and start a family with her partner which keeps getting stalled; the conman mock-proposes which makes her think he’s immediately serious (“TTPD,” “loml”). She feels caged by having to hide with her partner and shrink herself; the conman promises he’ll stand by her side publicly and let her shine (“Smallest Man”). She sinks into a deep depression in her loneliness as the relationship with her partner careens off a cliff; the conman convinces her they’re meant for each other in a them-against-the-world way (“Down Bad”). The intimacy (in all senses of the word) in her relationship with her partner fizzles; the conman stokes the fire by sending her secret messages and reigniting passion (“Guilty”). She spent years trying to help her partner to no avail; the conman makes her think she has the power to reform him (“loml”). She feels misunderstood by her partner; the conman acts like he’s the (only) one who truly gets her (“TTPD,” “loml”).

In short: there’s nothing that the conman does or says that isn’t a direct response to what her partner did first, and it’s even worse because the conman knew how much her partner’s actions hurt her and he used that privileged information to paint a picture of what he could give her, but in doing so in some ways aimed at her heart with even deadlier accuracy. (I’ve likened it to him borrowing someone else’s life for his own joyride, until he crashes the rental car and flees the scene.) It’s why in the aftermath, the difference in emotions are so different: she feels nothing but rage and violation towards the conman for getting in her head and using her, whereas her feelings towards her partner are more complicated. There’s anger (at her lost youth and being taken for granted), but there’s also sorrow (at their lost life and future), disappointment (that he never could step up the way he’d promised or she’d needed), even compassion (towards his struggles) and a tiny measure of appreciation (for the good times they did share).

When you look at the bigger picture, the story the album paints is just so painfully normal. You have two people (Taylor and her partner) who once loved each other deeply, and despite warning signs early on telling them they have fundamentally different needs and ways of living their lives they fight like hell to make it work (the epilogue) until those warning signs become grenades that destroy their home (“My Boy,” “London,” “Slammer,” arguably “loml”). Having already been through at least one rough patch/break/breakup that she felt almost destroyed her (harkening back to Midnights on “You’re Losing Me,” “The Great War” and “Hits Different”), the final and fatal downward spiral of the relationship (“YLM,” “London”) and the grief over losing that future sends her into a tailspin, just at the time where a flame from the past (the conman) reenters her life and tells her all the things she’s been longing to hear and feel (“TTPD,” “Down Bad,” “Guilty,” “loml”) and, crucially, missing from the relationship that was once her entire life.

So in her panic, she falls prey to the (empty) promises of the past lover (“loml,” “Smallest Man”) and decides he’s actually what will save her from the free fall, because the alternative (that she will end up in a situation she doesn’t think she can survive) is too painful to bear. When she finally acts on these circumstances (leaves her partner/runs to the conman), she snaps, acting on pure emotion and adrenaline (“But Daddy”), but before she knows it, the new lover abandons her, and she’s left to reckon with the fallout of the episode and process everything that has happened (“Down Bad,” “loml”) — with the conman, with her partner, with the choices made in her adult life personally and professionally which leads her back to the moment she feels set her down that road at the start.

The TL;DR of this unintentionally long essay is that the reason the conman affair was so serious was precisely because it was meant to fulfill the promise of what was her life with her partner. To me, a large part of the story is that she projected that life onto the conman (or he projected her life back to her for his own purposes) because she wasn’t ready to deal with that massive grief and the life raft he offered felt like the only alternative to an even darker end. Whether the conman actually believed what he told her, or he went along with it or encouraged it because it served his purpose, we’ll never know, just like we’ll never know the finer details of what went on (nor should we). But no matter what, the album is just an extreme deep dive into all the ways grief can consume us, and whether it’s a long, drawn-out death or a sudden, inexplicable one, it can turn a person’s life into such a trainwreck that they act in ways unfathomable to even them, let alone the people around them. It can also unleash repressed trauma and mental illness that can crater your sense of self. And when those situations are compounded? It makes for a nearly impossible type of breakdown to unpack. (Which is why you might need a 31 song album to process it.)

[pascaloverx]

NO LIGHT

SUMMARY: Your life is simple. You are a pastry chef who has just opened a bakery near your home. A new life, being a new person. But when James Barnes shows up at your bakery injured, asking you to offer him shelter, your life takes a sudden turn.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: The characters in this fanfiction are not my creation and all belong to the Marvel universe. This story will feature scenes of violence, brief intense intimate moments, and inappropriate language. To the readers, I wish you a good read and ask that you engage with the fanfiction if you like it. Do not interact with this fanfiction if you are underage. Enjoy reading.

FOUR SIX

FIVE

You put on a dress your mother gave you some time ago, one she called the "husband-catcher," telling you to wear it when you wanted someone special’s attention. Well, for tonight’s dinner, you want Steve Rogers' attention on you. You leave your hair down, choose the least uncomfortable pair of heels you could find at the last minute, apply light makeup, and a slightly bold red lipstick. You add a necklace that complements your neckline. Honestly, you feel like a seductive spy heading on a mission. Butterflies flutter in your stomach, but as you look at yourself in the mirror, you try to convince yourself that you can fool the handsome Rogers.

Grabbing your bag, you lock the door to your apartment, wave to the camera Barnes installed at the entrance, and head out for your meeting with Steve. It doesn’t take long to reach the restaurant on foot, as it's just across from your bakery. One of the perks of living close to work. From a distance, you spot Steve Rogers, sitting at one of the outside tables. He’s dressed in an elegant navy blue suit, his hair neatly in place with not a strand out of order, and his beard freshly trimmed. This man knows how to dress for a date — though this will be more of an interrogation.

"You take my breath away, Y/N. If your plan was to distract me with your charm, it’s already working," Steve says the moment he sees you approaching. You try to exude as much sex appeal as possible, making sure the slit in your dress is on full display while offering him a gentle smile.

"I believe you think I value your opinion on many matters. But thank you for the compliment, I do try to perfect my charm when I'm about to be interrogated by a stranger regarding someone he assumes I know." You respond boldly, watching as Steve pulls out the chair for you to sit. After settling into your seat and adjusting your bag, you realize you're actually sitting in a restaurant with a very handsome man. Your cheeks grow warm, which feels odd given how cool the evening is.

"You know Bucky, it’s only a matter of time before you admit it. I’d even bet you saw him before this meeting. That’s why you closed your bakery early, and don’t tell me it was just to get ready for our date. You look stunning, but I’m not an idiot. What did he tell you to do? Lie outright, I’m sure of it." Steve seems to know Barnes all too well, sounding completely convinced that he’s uncovered everything you’ve been hiding. You take a sip of water, trying to calm yourself.

"It's astounding how you think admitting to being a stalker is somehow better than understanding that I have no idea who the hell your friend is. Yes, he may have been a customer of mine. If you haven’t noticed, I serve a lot of people—including you. And as much as you don't deserve it, I closed my bakery early because I needed to prepare myself, not just by putting on a nice dress and makeup, but mentally. This is the first date I've had since I lost my trust in men. If you want to know why, it's because my fiancé cheated on me with my best friend. The week of our wedding. If you want more details, I smashed a vase over his head, he had to get over five stitches, and it was the first time I got arrested. He dropped the charges afterward because he felt guilty. Since then, I've been focusing on my bakery. So, tell me, smart guy—are you satisfied?" You speak with a certain flair, feigning near tears as you recount the story. You're lying, of course, about several details, but the performance is convincing enough.

Steve extends his hand across the table, gently holding yours and caressing it. You look at him with teary eyes while he gazes back at you like you're a lost puppy. "Where did Barnes find you? Until now, I thought you were just a regular bakery owner, but you're something else. If you tell me you know how to use a weapon, I’ll personally see to it that you become an agent." He laughs right after, clearly amused by your act.

You sigh in frustration, pulling your hand away from his, but he grabs it again, moving his chair closer to yours. He then pulls your neck towards him to whisper into your ear, "I'm starting to enjoy your lies. You can keep feeding them to me, but I’d prefer if you cut the nonsense and told me something real."

"I haven’t been fucked in almost a year. Am I lying or telling the truth?" You give up trying to fool Steve and decide to shift the conversation. You're still holding his gaze when the waiter clears his throat to get both of your attention. Your eyes dart away from Steve's as you straighten up in your chair, adjusting yourself. Rogers, too, composes himself, though he’s still chuckling at the situation.

“Gentlemen, I apologize for the interruption, but I would like to know if you are ready to place your order. For today, the merlot paired with the chef's special pizza is highly recommended,” the waiter says politely, clearly embarrassed.

"We'll go with your recommendation," Steve replies with a broad smile, as if he’s having the time of his life. What a complete idiot. The waiter notes down the order and quickly heads off to fetch the wine, leaving you and Rogers alone again.

"You saw he was coming over and didn't warn me on purpose, right?" you ask, a bit furious, looking at him as if you could kill him.

"Let’s say I didn’t see him coming, just like you don’t know Bucky. But let’s get back to the main topic; you haven’t had a sexual partner for quite some time. Tell me, why did you share that with me?" Steve speaks seductively, looking at you as if you are something he treasures.

"Because that’s the reason for all of this, right? Not to find your friend, but to try to seduce me so I’d let you sleep with me. Of course, all in the name of you thinking you’ll find your friend. You want to find him so badly that you came here on a date with me instead of going to look for him. Admit it, you don’t want to be wrong about me knowing Barnes, because if I don’t know him, you’ve got nothing. You’ve wasted your time trying to get into my pants. Also, you don’t need to be formal when discussing my lack of sex. I haven’t fuck with anyone for a while. In fact, I might be manipulating you to seduce you and then discard you. Have you thought about that?" You try to be more straightforward among the lies and deceitful words. You just want to see if you can hit a nerve with Steve Rogers to convince him of something. Even if it’s that you’re a woman desperate for his cock.

“Dance with me?” Steve suddenly asks, catching you off guard. You look at him, trying to understand what he means. There's no music playing, and the waiter is about to serve the wine. But something tells you this is a test, so when he extends his hand toward you, you take it firmly. He places his phone on the table, and an instrumental melody begins to play. He then presses his body against yours, one hand holding yours and the other resting on your waist.

He leads you with confidence, your bodies swaying to the music. At one point, it feels less like dancing and more like a silent battle to see who will give in first. Steve’s hands grip the contours of your dress, almost reaching your backside. Your hand wraps around his neck, your head resting close to his chest, allowing you to catch a whiff of his cologne—a woody scent that feels almost comforting, like a warm embrace.

"You’re right, I know your friend. Lying is just pure foolishness, and I can't take it anymore. In fact, I know him quite well. He was a secret crush of mine, not just a mere customer. The days he came into the bakery were the brightest. He’d order an espresso and the fresh bread I was testing the recipe for. I would come in early just to be ready when he arrived. I waited for months to find out his name, even though I knew he preferred savory over sweet, that he probably has a fluffy white cat, that he enjoys reading The Hobbit, and that he never paid me any mind. That’s why I denied knowing him; I feel pathetic saying all this. Like a silly teenage girl hoping to be noticed by the guy she finds attractive. And that’s all I have to say about him. He doesn’t know who I am, but I know who he is. I’d recognize him even in a crowd. " Your voice trembles, a mix of embarrassment and pretense, almost as if you feel utterly humiliated. It’s not a complete lie; it probably won’t work, but you have to try. Steve won’t give up easily if he doesn’t have part of the truth. And that’s what he’ll get from you—a fragment of the truth.

The waiter brings the pizza, interrupting the small world you and Steve had created during the dance. Both of you feel a bit embarrassed for being caught, but without saying much, you sit back at the table, allowing the waiter to serve you. The pizza is flavorful, but Steve seems distracted, still processing your ridiculous confession of love for Barnes. His usual confident demeanor falters for a moment as he picks at the food, clearly thinking over what you just said. The tension lingers, not from suspicion anymore but from the awkward truth you've offered.

"Since you've finally decided to tell me the truth, now tell me: when was the last time you saw James Barnes?" The crucial question is asked, almost as if it were another test. Between bites of pizza and sips of wine, you feel the need to reveal something to him. But if you tell the truth, Barnes could be at risk. He would be furious.

"The last time I saw him was…" You were just about to reveal the truth to Steve, realizing the mistake you were making when the sudden sound of a gunshot drew your attention. The bullet shattered your wine glass, leaving you horrified. The second shot was even closer to Steve, hitting his arm. Without much thought, you immediately drop to the floor, rushing over to Steve, who is pressing on his wound. You can hear people screaming in panic from inside the restaurant.

"What is so important that it's taking you this long to find?" you ask impatiently, panic rising inside you. You're more scared for Steve than he seems to be. Finally, he pulls out his car keys along with his wallet from his pocket. He places the money for the bill and tip on the table, then presses the car key into your hand. His grip is firm, and you're horrified when you see his blood smearing onto your skin from his hand.

"Y/N, I'm putting my life in your hands. Please, save me," Steve says as his eyes begin to close, his strength visibly fading. You quickly place his good arm over your shoulders and ask him to guide you to his car. He leads you as best as he can, and once there, you carefully put him in the passenger seat, fastening his seatbelt. You try calling out to him a few times, hoping to keep him conscious, but he slips into unconsciousness. Without wasting another second, you rush to drive him to the hospital, heart pounding as you speed through the streets.

It didn’t take long before you arrived at the emergency room of the hospital. After shouting for help, a doctor and several nurses rushed to assist you in getting Steve out of the car. You were questioned for a while about Steve—whether he had any allergies, what his condition was. You decided to say you were his wife, explaining that due to his military service, you hadn’t seen him for a while. Once they finished removing the fragments of the bullet from Steve’s arm, you could finally take a breath, though your heart still raced.

“Miss, your husband asked to see you,” one of the nurses informed you as you sat in the waiting room for hours. You quickly stood up to meet Steve, who was in a hospital bed looking much better.

"My beloved wife, have you waited all this time for me?" Steve Rogers says, sounding somewhat dazed, likely from the pain medication they gave him. You give him a slight smile as you see him beckoning you closer with his hand.

"How is my dear husband?" you ask, fully embracing the character as you approach him, gently holding his hand. He leans forward and pouts, as if asking for a kiss. You give him a quick peck on the lips.

"I want to go home. Can we leave?" Steve asks, laughing as if he's finding something amusing.

"We could go but your doctor said you need to stay under observation and the hospital said you need to give your insurance number or a nice amount of money." You smile and casually respond to Steve's question, but unfortunately, he falls asleep before he can answer you. You inform the hospital reception that you will provide Steve's financial information once he is better. They are understanding, thinking of you as a concerned wife. They even let you leave, promising to call if he improves. Feeling exhausted, you decide to go home. You drive Steve's car back to your place, borrowing it for the night.

As you’re about to enter your apartment, you hear a noise coming from inside. Great, this is when things go south. Thankfully, you have pepper spray in your bag, and you grab it, preparing to defend yourself against whoever is inside. When you open the door, you come face to face with a man. As soon as he turns to look at you, you spray him in the face.

"Ah, Y/N, are you trying to blind me?" Barnes exclaims, crying out in pain from the pepper spray in his eyes. You rush to help him, dropping your bag on a nearby surface. Gently, your fingers brush against his eyes as you attempt to wipe away the remnants of the spray. You blow softly into his eyes, trying to ease the burning sensation, while he watches you in stunned silence.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to," you say softly, your concern evident. "I thought you were an intruder." As you continue to tend to him, the tension in the room shifts from fear to a more intimate moment, the chaos of the evening fading into the background.

"It wasn't supposed to be you who got hurt," Barnes says, grasping your hand, which still bears the blood from Steve. For a moment, you're touched by his genuine concern for you. However, the realization of what he said sinks in, making you acutely aware that he has some connection to what happened.

"What do you mean by that?" you ask, your heart racing as you search his eyes for answers. "Did you know this was going to happen?" The tension hangs heavy in the air as you await his response, feeling both unsettled and intrigued by the depths of his involvement.

His eyes seem heavy as he searches for the right words, finally admitting, "It was Natasha's plan. She thought a small attack would distract Steve enough for him to stop looking for me. She figured you wouldn't be able to keep secrets. We planted bugs in the restaurant, and when we sensed you were about to spill, we had to act. I know you're going to be angry, but it was for your own good." James Barnes's words feel like a whirlwind, leaving you bewildered.

"You’re crazy. How could you let her hurt your friend? Or did you do it yourself? Do you have any idea what you’ve done to us? You put me at risk and left your best friend injured. He’s in a damn hospital bed, you son of a bitch." You step away from James Barnes, unable to recognize the man in front of you. How sadistic could he be to hurt Steve?

"Steve will survive. It was a strategically placed shot; we wouldn’t have harmed him if we didn’t know he would pull through. Please, Y/N; trust me. What Natasha and I did was for the best," James Barnes says, holding your hands again as if he desperately wants you to understand and accept that it was all part of his plan.

"Don't you dare ask me to trust you; you didn't trust me. You preferred to shoot Rogers rather than give me a vote of confidence. But I can promise you that if you don't step aside right now, I will make you regret not shooting me. I will tell Steve and the police everything I know about you, and I won't regret it. So get out of my apartment and don't come back," you say angrily, feeling something burn inside you. You are tremendously regretful for having trusted him, for ever thinking he could be yours.

Barnes's gaze conveys a sense of pain, as if he is truly remorseful. He heads toward the door as if to leave, but pauses just before opening it, turning back and practically rushing towards you. His lips meet yours in a kiss filled with emotion. James leads the kiss, as if he wants to consume you. The intensity of your tongues dancing within each other’s mouths, exploring, is sensational. There’s a strong urge to push Barnes away, to hit him, to cry for him. But in that fleeting moment, you savor the kiss.

"I'll come back when you’re calmer. Until then, don’t do anything reckless. I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but just know that I’m truly sorry," James says as he breaks the kiss, his eyes still closed, relishing the sensation of your lips against his. When you open your eyes, he’s no longer there. For a moment, you wish he had never been in your life at all.

[yuri-is-online]

New scenario in the car: I don't know if you youngster's remember a tv show Recess, but there's one episode where everyone is curious about kissing and stuff and decide to do an experiment and TJ and Spinelli draw the short straws to kiss and report back. When they do kiss, there's this scene of like, fireworks and rainbows going off in their heads (This one)

And just picturing Ace and Yuu playing Spin the Bottle or Truth or Dare (or whatever the kids are playing these days) and having to kiss, mentally it's like this but Seven forbid they let anyone know they enjoyed it, especially Ace/Yuu, so they make a big performance of gagging and going "ew gross" once the kiss is over. Smash vut the them alone in bed flustered screaming into a very tired Grimm/Staring at their ceiling paralysed with committing the feel Yuu's lips to memory.

Or something, hope you're keeping well x

The only thing I really know about this show is that my mom didn't allow me to watch it. I'm oldish myself just. Homeschooled :/

Truth or dare makes the most sense to me. And for some reason I see Epel as being the one who would put up the dare.

"C'mon." He's smirking because he can't really help it, he does find this situation hilarious. "What are ya, chicken?"

And sure, you and Ace try to act like it's a gross idea and make your standard embarrassed protests but Jack is the only one really siding with you because he's a stick in the mud but of course Ace has to call him that out loud. So you know what never mind, Ace have fun kissing the prefect he's doubling Epel's dare and now Epel is clucking a surprisingly accurate chicken call with Deuce as Sebek turns this around on you because. idk you made a joke about "kissing the homies goodnight" to Malleus once and he asked if that meant he should give Sebek a kiss on the forehead and he's never forgave or forgotten.

Anyway Ace tries to play off the nerves because don't worry he's had a girlfriend before. He knows how to kiss somebody alright? Doesn't matter if you've dated before or not, whatever you have to say on the subject is going to fluster him because well. However you feel about this he's wanted to kiss you for a while, and unlike anything he shared with his girlfriend kissing you... he doesn't know how you feel but he can fool himself into thinking there's love in it. It's hard for him to lie when he's pressed so close to the truth. So you both pull away and make big fools of yourselves, but the act is bought because your friends are admittedly sort of dumb.

All of your friends except Grim who has to see you stare at a wall between treating him like a plush toy and screaming about how you are so fucking stupid for not putting an end to that dare while you still could because you wanted your first kiss with Ace to be REAL-

(he doesn't sleep at all that night or really talk to Deuce the next morning. he's got a stupid text message three words long he's typed out and deleted so many times but he really wishes he had the guts to hit send this time because- he wants a do over. he didn't get to kiss you right the first time.)

[lizardkingeliot]

currently working on a honeymoon-era loustat fic and a rockstar lestat-era loustat fic (and something else set very early in season one that i'm just thinking of as "the amnesia fic" but i've set that aside temporarily) and i decided the other night i'm going to have to write a sequel to my reunion fic and i'm also at that phase in The Obsession where more new ideas are coming to me constantly so i had to start a doc just to keep track of them all and it's nice to feel so inspired but god i wish i had more time to write my life would be so much easier if i could just stay in the fanfic docs all day smashing louis and lestat together like barbie dolls...

anyway i'm hoping to have the rockstar lestat fic finished first because it's likely going to be under 5k (famous last words i know lol) and the line (several lines really lol) i've been trying to work out for dayssss to get the ~action moving along finally came to me this morning and hoooo boy... 😈

[hellfirenacht]

Wing Man Part 3

A/N: This fic is all vibes, no plot so it's hard to write lol. I have a few ideas now thanks to the wonderful @crocwork-clockodile and @hellfiredarling 💜

As usual, typos are fixed live and in post lol

Fic Summary: Steve ‘the Hair’ Harrington is your best friend, and is constantly striking out. Sick of this, you two make a deal; you’ll wing man for each other. Hooking Steve up with dates is easy, but he finds himself struggling to find you a date. At least, until Dustin starts talking about his new cool friend Eddie. 

Chapter Summary: You really should be trying to flirt, but somehow you and Eddie can only ever talk about Chris Morrison.

5k words

Part 1 Part 2

Steve did not show back up for at least a half hour after he ‘went to the bathroom’. Had you not been in your current situation, you would have made fun of him for being ‘backed up’ or something along those lines.

But in all honesty, you hardly even noticed that he was gone. When Eddie dropped the puck the world had faded into a whirlwind of clacking, yelling, and pitting children against each other. With the sudden death match, Dustin had won. You had taken Mike's place, giving him a condescending pat on the head. He hadn’t been pleased about the situation, but at least it kept him from saying whatever rule-grudge that he held against Eddie.

To your surprise, Eddie had stuck around to watch the match between you and Dustin. You tried not to be too nervous as the match went on, but your freshman friend was your saving grace even as he kicked your ass.

“Eddie’s been the leader of Hellfire for years now.” Dustin said, dropping the puck down and hitting it. “He’s always been the DM.”

“Except for Chris Morrison.” you said.

“Yeah except that guy.” Dustin nodded.

“He started the club, but I made it the merry band of bandits and misfits that it is today.” Eddie said, his hands resting against the side of the table, leaning forward. You’d only been chatting with him and Dustin for a few minutes, but you had quickly learned that Eddie was not the type to stay still for very long.

“You’re gonna get your finger smashed if you keep your hand there.” you said, glancing at how close his fingers were to the smooth surface of the rink. “You’re putting a lot of trust in geometry that this puck isn’t going to crush your hand. It’s already tried to kill me once.” You doubted that the heavy silver rings on his fingers would help at all.

Eddie looked down at his hands and pulled back, just in time for the puck to nearly hit where his fingers had been. “Shit, I didn’t even notice.”

“I notice everything.” You said, not noticing as Dustin smacked the puck at an angle that went directly into your goal. “I notice some things.”

Dustin laughed, and Eddie even grinned at the joke. With that point it was game set and match, or something like that.

“Alright, I’m going to go win some tickets now.” Dustin said, putting the clacker? Paddle? Not-Hockey Stick? Down. You still didn’t know what it was called, but luckily air hockey probably wouldn’t come up again later.

You expected Eddie to leave again, but instead he leaned back against the table, now free to let his fingers dangle without fear of being crushed.

“So you really were interested in Hellfire when you were still in school?” he asked, tilting his head over at you. That same distant and unreadable expression on his face. You really wished that you knew what he was thinking right now.

“Yeah, I saw you guys always having fun so I thought I wanted to try.” you said. “But, you know. Chris Morrison.”

“Forget about Chris Morrison.” Eddie turned towards you, standing upright and looking down at you. How did he feel so tall all of the sudden? How did he keep doing that? What magic switch was he able to turn on and off in his brain to make him go from ‘just a guy’ to ‘hey, I’m in charge here.’? “What made you have an interest in Dungeons and Dragons?”

“The dragons first, and then the dungeons.” It was the first thing that popped into your head, and you immediately realized it was maybe a little stupid and sarcastic. To be fair, you also were a little stupid and sarcastic, but with the way he was looking at you, Eddie wanted a real answer. The look on his face was actually a little funny, the way his whole face fell in annoyance.

Right, he didn’t know you. You didn’t know him. He was still trying to decide if you were some sort of friend or foe. You suspected that if Dustin hadn’t chatted with you so easily through your match with him Eddie wouldn’t have bothered talking to you more.

Maybe you should fire Steve and make Dustin your wing man instead.

He didn’t immediately leave though, which made you assume that you were being given a second chance to give him a real answer.

“Alright, I played a lot of make-believe as a kid.” you said. “Then as I got older, people stopped playing, but I wasn’t ready to be done. Then when I heard about this club where you could play make-believe again, I thought it would let me have that feeling again. I thought it’d be cool to, I don’t know, have people to play with again.”

It was a childish answer, but it was a real one. Everything in your life after middle school had been a steady monotonous stream of ‘work, home, work, school, home, school function, work, home’.

“Hellfire Club isn’t Make-Believe Club.” Eddie said, still staring you down. “Yeah, it’s a fantasy game but we take it seriously. It’s not all princesses and fairy tales.”

Actually, this guy might be getting on your nerves now.

“You’re taking my answer awful personally.” you said, straightening up under his gaze. You didn’t care how intimidating he was trying to be right now, he had pissed you off. “You asked why I wanted to play, I gave you my answer. You don’t have to like it, but there it is.”

He seemed taken aback by your bluntness. He blinked, his round eyes shifting to something else. “You’re right.” he said finally with a subtle laugh. “That was a dick thing to say. I really sounded like Chris Morrison for a second.”

“Yeah, you did.” you agreed. “You always this cynical about people?”

“Well, when you’re the town freak it comes with the title.” he shrugged.

“Does it come with a sash too? Or perhaps a crown?”

“No, unfortunately Hawkins High didn’t have that in the budget this year.”

“You should take that up with the student council.”

“Or City Hall.”

He was smiling at you now, and you hated how that smile was brighter than any of the flashing lights of the arcade. The longer you looked at him, the more attractive he got. God, you were going to kill Steve for delivering something you couldn’t have.

Eddie’s demeanor changed as you two bantered, no longer on edge now. Now that he seemed sure that you weren’t here to cause problems or were just looking to laugh at the freaks, his stance was much more relaxed. You looked him over again, taking advantage of his gaze drifting to where two other members were hunched over an arcade cabinet.

He had long wavy brown hair, and you tried to place how you could have missed that in school. Surely you would have remembered someone like him, right? It felt so much like you were missing something, but you couldn’t place where you knew him. It was going to drive you insane.

“So it looks like I’m done here.” You jumped as Steve appeared behind you. You looked over at him, your face reading with panic at the idea of him ditching out on you now. Yeah, things were going a lot better without him here, and he had not been very helpful-

Okay, maybe he didn’t need to be here to help with your attempt to flirt but you still weren’t exactly eager to be left alone.

Eddie looked between the two of you and you turned to Eddie. “I’ll be right back, I’m gonna see him off.” You said.

“Right, yeah.” Eddie nodded. He was on his guard again and you felt bad that Steve’s presence caused that.

Eddie and Steve looked at each other, a tension between the two of them. For five full seconds they just stared at each other with you in the middle, wondering what the actual fuck was going on.

That’s when Eddie threw up his hands over his hand in an imitation of horns and sputtered at Steve who was immediately taken aback. It was so out of left field, and you let out a laugh before covering your mouth and grabbing Steve and dragging him away towards the entrance.

“What was that about?” you asked as you two stepped outside. “And where the hell were you for the past half hour?”

“I was giving you space because you weren’t going to get anywhere with me around.” Steve said, looking back over his shoulder. Eddie had disappeared into the arcade with his club. “He really does live up to his nickname.”

“Nickname? You’re trying to set me up with a high schooler with a nickname?” You sighed.

“Yeah, and you were basically drooling over him the whole time you were talking so, you know, you’re welcome about that.” Steve said. “Everyone called him a freak in school so, Eddie ‘the Freak’ Munson.”

“Yeah, he mentioned something about being the town freak.” you said. “Why’s he a freak exactly?”

Steve tilted his head, as if he couldn’t tell if you were joking or serious. “He runs a club called Hellfire, plays that weird game you and Dustin keep talking about, and just- look at him! With the long hair and the chains and metal patches.”

“According to you, I was looking at him.” you snorted. “So he plays games and dresses differently and has taste in music. Doesn’t make him a freak.”

“Right, I forgot you’re a total weirdo who’d be into that.”

“He was your idea!”

Steve couldn’t argue with that. All the things that he would have found off putting to him in high school now seemed to parallel and fit with someone who he now considered a close friend. He’d been wrong about a lot in the past year, maybe he’d been wrong about Eddie too.

“So are you gonna actually flirt with him when I leave or are you just gonna stand there and make small talk?” Steve asked, crossing his arms. “I introduced you two, at least tell me you’re going to put in the effort.”

You winced and glanced back to the arcade, you couldn’t see Eddie but you knew he was still in there.

“You’ve got to be kidding me.” Steve gawked at you. “This whole thing was your idea and you’re not even going to try?”

“Listen, Steve, I like him. I do. That’s the problem. You actually hit the nail on the head, and he is absolutely my type.”

“So what’s the problem?”

“I’m not his type.” you admitted. “See, I know guys like Eddie. I’ve fallen for guys like Eddie. Funny thing about a lot of male weirdos, freaks, and outcasts, is that they still loooove themselves some popular girls. Girls like that love them because they’re trying to either fix them or piss off their parents. Freak guys don’t like weirdo girls.”

“You’re being the biggest dingus in the world and I think you’re full of shit.” Steve said bluntly. “Nice try, but you’re gonna go in there and flirt with him. Did he actually say that he was into that type?”

“Well, no but-”

“But nothing!” Steve sighed. “Listen, you’re cute, okay? I’ve seen what you look like when you’re not at work.” He gestured to your outfit. “If I took you to a party or a bar I’d be able to help you get at least six numbers by the end of the night.”

You furrowed your eyebrows. “So why are you so bent out of shape about Eddie?”

“Because you’re picky, and you’re my friend.” It was a surprisingly nice sentiment. “I’m fine dating around while I figure out what I want, but you’re not the same. You need someone who is going to understand what you’re talking about, and he is the only person in Hawkins who would also bite a head off a bat.”

“You know, everyone wants to talk about how Ozzy bit the head off a bat but no one wants to talk about how that whole thing actually happened-” you started.

“Nope. Not me. Don’t tell me, tell him.” Steve cut you off. “I should be telling you that talking about biting animal heads is not the best way to flirt but he might be into it. Just promise me you’ll at least try okay?”

Steve gave you a pleading look, and you couldn’t say no. You didn’t have the heart to. He was right, you’d given up before you’d even tried. Steve went out of his way to hand pick a potential date for you, someone he never would have even bothered talking to before. You had to try.

You breathed in the cool night air deeply, holding it before exhaling slowly. “Alright, I’ll try.” you promised.

“I expect you to tell me everything tomorrow!” Steve said as he started walking towards the parking lot you found yourself following him, your body reacting to all the times you two had parked next to each other at work.

“Yeah, yeah, you get first dibs on any kiss and tell!” you shot back. “After the details you gave me from your dates, I promise I’ll be worse.”

Steve pulled you in and gave you a hug, and you squeezed him tightly in return. You never would have thought that Steve Harrington of all people would end up such a good friend, but you were glad he was there. You two said your goodbyes before he got into his car. You waited until he’d pulled safely out of the parking lot before turning back into the arcade.

Just go in there, crash the Hellfire Club meeting again, and shamelessly flirt with Eddie Munson. Three things, that’s all you needed to do.

You pushed the doors of the arcade open and walked back inside.

You wander around the arcade.

You’re alone.

Shit.

There was no sign of Eddie or any of the Hellfire Club. You were completely alone in the arcade now and there was a pang in your stomach. You had told Eddie you’d be right back, but he was gone. Maybe your comment about still wanting to play had totally fucked over your chance to talk to him more after all.

You made your way back outside, just in time to see a van peel out of the parking lot. Your eyes widened when you saw Dusting looking out the window with an apologetic look and mouthing what you assumed to be the word “Sorry”.

Eddie must have gathered up the club to go somewhere else. You wanted to be fine, you wanted to shrug it off as you had every other time you’d failed to impress a guy, but you felt disappointed. Really disappointed. Sure you’d only talked to the guy for a half hour, most of which was spent talking trash as you all played air hockey, but you’d had fun. More fun than you’d had in a while with a guy, Steve notwithstanding.

It felt like Chris Morrison all over again.

You sighed to yourself and made your way to the car. Of course the second you wanted to try you ended up alone again.

Well, that killed it for tonight. You pushed the rejection out of your mind and made your way back to your own car, thinking about how you were going to tell Steve that you’d blown your chance.

Eddie Munson didn’t know what to make of the fact that Steve Harrington of all people was at the arcade. Popular? Played sports? Someone like him didn’t hang around at the arcade, not under any normal circumstances. The only thing that made sense about him being there was that he was with a girl, one that didn’t match up with the normal type that someone like Steve should be dating.

He had planned on avoiding Steve, choosing to focus on his club rather than antagonize the former king of Hawkins high. Really, he did. But then that shrimp Henderson had made his way over to Steve and his date. The kid already talked about Steve too much as it was, always going on about how cool he was while also dodging questions about how the two had met and become friends. Eddie had long since given up on asking about it, not that he cared. Not that he was jealous that the kid he was growing to see like a little brother already had another older male friend in his life.

That wasn’t Eddie’s style.

But this was Hellfire Club, and Eddie wasn’t about to lose another member to the dark side. Dustin had been looking forward to this rare gathering of the club outside of school, more than usual actually. He’d been wearing that same shit eating grin he always did when he was about to pull some bullshit at the table. Now Eddie knew why.

This little shit was trying to introduce him to Steve. Dustin talked Steve up so much, and now he just happened to be here on a date the same time as Sidequest Day? That was too convenient. Eddie shouldn’t have been surprised that Dustin was trying to bridge his friends together, but he was.

So, when Eddie saw Dustin watching Steve and his date chatting and playing Q*bert, he could have ignored the bait. He should have ignored the bait. But then Chris Morrison’s name was mentioned, and curiosity got the best of him.

Plus how could he ever resist talking shit about Chris Morrison.

So he walked up to the group, fully prepared to make agonzing small talk with Steve for thirty seconds before dragging Henderson away to focus on the real reason he was there. It wasn’t often that everyone had the time or money to come to the arcade like this, and Eddie had been lucky enough to make a special sale that day to some senior from the art department. He didn’t often have spending money for something like the arcade. He’d prefer to go to the movies or get his supply from Rick or buy anything to maintain his guitars, or upkeep of his van. Arcade time with Hellfire was something that happened once a semester at best, with the promise of him giving out advantages during the campaign he was running.

“Henderson is right. Morrison was the biggest asshole that Hellfire has ever seen. Worst DM too.” Eddie said, glancing between Dustin with a warning glare and Steve with a weary look.

He didn’t expect you, the girl playing the cabinet, to be the one to speak up. You knew Chris? This night kept getting weirder. When Eddie turned to Steve, to ask about what he was doing at the arcade, just to appease Dustin, Steve directed his attention back to you.

That made more sense, Steve Harrington wouldn’t be at an arcade on a Saturday night unless there was a girl involved.

When you turned around to face him, he noticed the way your eyes looked him down and up quickly. That was something he was used to with most people in Hawkins. They’d size him up just so that they could try and tear down the freak. There was a look in your eyes that he couldn’t quite catch before it turned into one of... disappointment? Discomfort? Shit, it was all the same to him.

Dustin made quick introductions of everyone, and Eddie was surprised when you offered your hand so easily despite the look in your eyes. Well, at least you were polite. It hadn’t even been two minutes and Eddie was already itching to get back to spending time with his club rather than crashing whatever meeting Dustin had clearly planned here.

But he’d be polite, humor the kid for just a second. If Dustin wanted him to meet Steve, then Eddie would be the contrarian and make small talk with his date instead.

You two would have graduated the same year, had Eddie not been held back. Yeah, it was starting to come back to him. He remembered you.

And that was enough of socializing with the upper class for the night. Eddie started directing Dustin back to club activities before Steve spoke up again.

“So, my friend here actually had an interest in Hellfire Club back in the day.”

It could have been left at that, but Eddie was getting more and more irritated over this situation. He looked at you, who looked like a deer in the headlights. Of course, Dustin might have seen something in Steve but he was no different now than he was back then.

“Really?” Eddie said. “And what about our little club was so interesting to you?”

He shot a glare to Steve, but looked down at you with a frown. You’d always seemed nice at school, but he’d made that mistake before. Eddie always liked the groups that kept to themselves and didn’t whisper behind his back or cause trouble for his friends. It was a shame he had been wrong about you.

But when you answered awkwardly about asking Chris to join, there was something in the way you spoke that was genuine. Either you were a really good actress, or you were being serious about it. Eddie might have been the biggest cynic in Hawkins, but he always did have a weakness to cute girls.

The conversation fizzled out quickly, and as much as Eddie didn’t mind talking to you he still wasn’t interested in crashing your date or getting to know Steve at this time. Not when his club started going wild across the room as Lucas was scoring big at a game.

So he turned around and left the two of you alone, running off to see what the jackpot prize was that Lucas had claimed.

For about ten minutes everything went back to normal. He was in the middle of an intense racing game against Jeff, when suddenly he heard Dustin screaming for him, causing his car to spin out and lose spectacularly.

Tonight was not going well at all for Eddie Munson.

Pushing down his irritation, he could hear it in Henderson’s voice that he was about to start trouble again. Of course as he made his way over to the hockey table, there you and Steve were again. Great. Eddie was so excited to be the third wheel during his club’s meet up.

But then Steve disappeared to take a shit. Well, he didn’t say that exactly but it made Eddie feel better to think of Steve having a miserable time in the bathroom. Jealous? No. Not at all.

Maybe a little.

You didn’t seem to like that Steve had left you, and Eddie figured you were uncomfortable without your date around. Dustin only ever talked Steve up, but had never mentioned you to his knowledge.

When the puck went flying towards your face a moment later, Eddie’s eyes widened with shock as you caught it with a laugh. The way you spoke to Wheeler and Henderson was familiar, as if you’d met them before. How did they know you? You were cuter when you were laughing with his friends.

As Eddie watched the chaos of you bantering with his freshmen, his mind wandered to what you would have looked like in the darkness of the prop department wearing the Hellfire shirt. With how easily you got along with Henderson and Wheeler he was sure you would have fit in.

Damn Chris Morrison and damn Steve Harrington.

He snapped out of his thoughts when you spoke up, a glint in your eyes as you handed over the puck.

“What say you, Eddie of Hellfire?” The way you spoke to him, a hint of a laugh in your voice but not in the normal mocking way he’d hear from others at school, made him break out into an unabashed grin as he took the puck.

“Sudden death it is.”

Making small talk with you was easy, and it wasn’t long until Eddie had forgotten about Steve completely as Dustin decided to bridge the gap between the two of you. You were the assistant manager at Family Video, had helped Dustin and Mike with homework on occasion, and were a regular at the Rocky Horror Picture Show that played at the seedy theater on the outskirts of town.

Eddie was starting to like you more the more the three of you chatted. When the topic od D&D came back up, your answer had struck a chord with him.

“I wasn’t done playing.”

Those words would tumble around in the back of his mind for the rest of the evening. They had been honest, raw words. There was a weight to them that he’d carried himself for a long time. Growing up with Al Munson didn’t exactly give him the idyllic childhood that one would see in movies or tv. Play time wasn’t exactly a priority when you were just trying to fucking survive.

He’d challenged your answer, when he knew in his cynical heart that he was the same. Between Hellfire and his band, there wasn’t much else he had going for personal enjoyment. Of course there was time to hang out with his friends and the occasional odd night where he crashed at Rick’s place when his home with Wayne felt too small or cramped.

Eddie wanted to ask you what you’d play, if you ever did have a chance to join a campaign. He wondered if you enjoyed fantasy the same way he did, if you were a fighter, a spell caster, or a healer.

Then Steve showed back up.

Right, you were here with Steve on a date. A date that had way too much fiber and had probably exploded the toilet while he left you hanging for going on forty minutes now. And now Harrington decided that the date was over? Jesus, this guy didn’t know what he was missing out on. Eddie felt for you, he’d been on his share of bad dates in the past too, and bad nights that he wished were dates.

He shook the image of Paige out of his head.

You gave him a smile as you said goodbye. Well, you said you’d be back in a moment but Eddie knew that the night was over. You walked out of the Arcade with Steve, and that would be that.

Sidequest day was always short, with limited spending money between members and the machines eating quarters like candy. Soon his little sheepies were gathered around him again, talking about their winnings and who deserved to get some sort of perk for the game. It was almost unanimously decided that it would go to Lucas, after he’d nearly broken the basketball machine from how fast he had been throwing balls.

Eddie still had a bill burning a hole in his pocket, having spent more time talking to you than playing games. He had to get this weird night out of his mind, and turned towards the group, knowing that he was going to regret this.

“Whoever has any money left, pool it in I’ll take us to get pizza.” He said. This was followed by cheers and a scrambling of pulling out loose quarters, dimes, and even a five that Gareth forgot he had in his wallet. Eddie lead them all towards the parking lot, his eyes scanning the parking lot for you.

You and Steve were chatting by his car and laughing the same way that you had laughed with him before Steve pulled you into a tight hug. Maybe your date wasn’t a bust after all. Eddie didn’t know why he cared, this was only the third time you’d met. You didn’t know him.

Dustin nudged Eddie, that same smug grin on his face.

“Pretty fun night, huh, Eddie?” he said.

“Your plan didn’t work, shrimp.” Eddie said. “I know you were trying to set something up and I’m not interested.”

Dustin looked surprised, and looked like he was going to argue but a sharp glare from Eddie shut him up. Eddie never had an interest in meeting Steve, and it was clear Steve felt the same way, going so far as to ditch his date to hide in the bathroom the whole time. Eddie didn’t know what the kid saw in Harrington but Eddie was less than impressed.

“Geeze, sorry.” Dustin sighed. “I thought you two would get along.”

“You know, a little humility wouldn’t hurt you.” Eddie said before grabbing his shoulder. “Next time you decide I have to meet someone, don’t make it during Hellfire, mk?”

Dustin looked disappointed but nodded as everyone piled illegally in the back of Eddie’s van. As long as Eddie didn’t drive like a madman (a difficult feat) it would be safe enough. He’d put the seats down to haul equipment years ago, and never could get them to come back up. He could fix it if he wanted, but there was never a real reason to.

As everyone got settled, Dustin looked over at Mike with a shrug. The two of them had thought that things were going well between the two of you, but the look in Eddie’s eyes had said otherwise now.

“Maybe she just wasn’t his type?” Mike said, as the rest of the club chatted. “Eddie doesn’t really talk about those things anyway. Maybe he doesn’t even want a girlfriend.”

“Yeah, but you didn’t see the way they were talking. Even if he wasn’t into her like that, they were still getting along.” Dustin sighed and shifted to look out the window as Eddie started up the van. Everyone in the back held on for dear life as Eddie started out of the parking lot.

As they passed your car, Dustin caught your eye just as you stepped out looking dejected.

“Sorry” Dustin mouthed to you.

It had been a bust tonight, but something felt off. Why would Eddie have such a clearly good time talking to you, just to turn around and say he wasn’t interested?

Dustin made a mental note to drop into Family Video tomorrow to talk to you and Steve.

Part 4

Dividers by @strangergraphics

Tag list: @k8loo @terrormonster55 @sp1dyb0y1008 @crocwork-clockodile @ali-r3n @mxcheese @josephquinnschesthair @gagasbee @peaches-roses-sins @witchwolflea @vintagehellfire @royale1803 @cumslutforaemond @prestinalove @browneyedgirly93 @perpetualmess @thebook-hobbit @mistonk @cultish-corner @grishaversecaptivated

Comments and reblogs help me know that y'all read and enjoy it, which feeds my excitement to write!

[posts-written-by-murderbot]

I want to write a screenplay for the competition that's happening here. If you win they make it into a short movie. I think it's super cool. But mama says nobody is going to like my story here. She also says I'm too young but I'm not too young because I'm twelve. It is too young to make a submission but I can ask my older sibling to help. Te likes my idea.

This is my story: they are on an asteroid mining facility. The main character is a miner. Te is very cool and strong. And the other main character is a researcher. She is not so strong but she is very cool also. And one day they mine deep and find a cavern, and there's a monster there. So it steals the main character (the miner) and brings ter to its lair. The researcher is very sad because she thinks she's never gonna see her friend.

But then the third main character comes. They are a SecUnit, and they are super cool. They are two meters tall and can run really fast and jump and they have guns in their arms. So they go to the mine and kill the monster. There's blood everywhere, they tear it apart and then smash it into wall and it's super super cool. But then the wall cracks and rocks start falling on their heads and then SecUnit takes her in their hands and start running really really fast and they escape the mine just before it collapses. The researcher is very happy and she and te hug and kiss. (I think kissing is gross but adults always kiss in media so I think they have to kiss here.)

But then camera shifts to the cave (it's only half collapsed) and there's a woman there in a suit and it has a corporation logo on it..... The same corporation the main characters work for! It was a betrayal, she summoned the monster to kill everyone. And SecUnit can see that because they have fifty drones and can see everything. And so they tell the researcher and the miner and they all take a shuttle and leave. But then the shuttle has a bomb in it! But then SecUnit finds it but it blows up and blows off an arm off of them but the researcher creates a new arm and it's super cool and has five weapons in it! An energy weapon, two different projectal weapons, a sword they can make burn with blue flames and also a weapon that can shoot bombs! And so they all start travelling the universe and fighting evil corporates! And SecUnit goes undercover and pretends to be an augmented human and kills everyone who is bad and saves all the good people! The end.

Do you like my story? Do you think it's gonna win? Do you think I should get my sibling to submit it?? I really want to see it on the screen!! I think the SecUnit character would be super cool.

PS. Tata says you saved ter and ter friends' life like three times and were super cool and then te found out you were a SecUnit!! It is so much cooler than an augmented human!!! I wish I could have weapons in my arms if everyone hurts you you can just blast them to pieces!!! I was so excited when I saw this page you are very cool!

PSPS. They say your name is Eden but this page says you're just SecUnit? Which is weird, is it like your name or what you are? No offence! How do you think I should call my SecUnit?

PSPSPS. Aunt Tapan showed me World Hoppers and said you liked it and I watched it and it's my favorite show now! It's so cool!! And no I'm not ripping it off, my plot is completely different, even from episode 35, for one my story takes place on an asteroid and not a ship. And also everyone survives because the SecUnit is so cool! It was so sad how they just killed off that guy. Like yes he's not important but it's still sad!! I'm so glad they didn't kill off any of the main characters, that would be a bummer. Do you have any other fun shows I could watch??

I... like your story. I don't know if it'll win the competition though. If you want to submit it you should do that, but even if it doesn't win, that doesn't mean it wasn't good. So just keep making stories if you want. Other people's opinions are less important than you doing something that you think is interesting. If they don't like it, fuck 'em.

A few things:

Screenplay has a particular standard of formatting, traditionally. You have a comprehensible synopsis here but you might be interested in learning about format.

A lot of stories have kissing in them but you don't have to add it if you think it's gross. Your tastes might be different from most people and that's fine. (For example, the idea of a heroic SecUnit might not be something that most people understand.)

You probably don't want guns in your arms. There's a lot of legal problems with being classed as a weapon, like making travel more difficult.

I've used different names in different situations, and I've used human names when pretending to be an augmented human. Currently I just go by "SecUnit" most of the time. Your SecUnit character could have any name, but maybe consider why it has the name it does.

Anyway, I'm glad you and your aunt are doing okay. World Hoppers is a good show. If you're interested in adventure serials, you might try Timestream Defenders Orion, Legends of the Fire, and Adventures in the Free Systems.

[dayseternal-blog]

Hi days!!! Thank you so much for being like the only one to interact with me on here 🫶 I was wondering if you and anyone else could send me any fics with naruto being a gym rat? Even if he’s just a little background character lol

💕💕💕💕 You're a dear mutual to me 😭😭 you don't have to thank me 😭😭

The first fics I thought of are ones you probably already know 😔

Gym Naruto in NaruHina Fics

“Serenity Prayer” by katarinahime - Rated E, Modern AU, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. When their fairytale endings smash to ugly pieces, Hinata and Naruto help put each other back together.

“Common Side Effects” by katarinahime & “Medicated” by szajnie - Rated E for a lot of things, Crime/Modern AU, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. Naruto and Hinata, in a struggling relationship, must confront the pain inside before they can love each other.

There are these others that show gyms...of various types...:

“Seeing Stars” by Free Mentality - Rated T, Modern AU, One-shot. They had been attending the same boxing gym for months before he noticed her, and the first time they met was a bit of a disaster, to say the least.

Chapter 21 from “Between the Trees” by @utsus - Rated G, Olympics AU, One-shot. It’s not uncommon for them to train in the same gym.

Chapter 6 from “Heartbreaks and Heartaches” by @powerful-niya - Rated T, College AU, One-shot. Prompt 4: Hinata slowly raised her head to look at Tenten, her eyes burning from the amount of tears, “No, it’s my fault.” She muttered, clutching her own shirt, “I caused this to happen— I told him to leave.” (prepare to be very sad.)

"Prey" by @sessakag- Rated E, Crime AU, Multi-chapter, Ongoing. Following a midnight chance encounter with Hinata Hyuuga, a smitten sociopath, Naruto Uzumaki, tries his hand at romance, determined to make her fall in love with him the only way he knows how.

Oh, here's a couple that I think fit the idea of gym rat a little better!

“Naughty or Nice?” by @vegebulsoup - Rated E, Modern AU, Two-shot. Even though she was against the idea at first, Hinata can’t take her eyes off the Sexy Santa that Ino recruited for their company’s holiday party.

“Nighttime Workout” by Breezyanimetra - Rated E, College AU, Two-shot. Shy Hinata doesn’t usually have the courage to speak with her long time crush Naruto. All she does is watch him workout wishing she can do more. A snow storm one fateful night changes that for her.

Oh this next one doesn't show any gym setting, but Naruto is a physical trainer:

“Warped” by BountifullyBeautifullyBlessed - Rated E includes non-con, College AU, Multi-chapter, Complete. Hinata can’t sleep and her roommate, Naruto, is more than willing to help her out.

going to the gym is also mentioned in these:

“The Study Session” from “Endless Lemons” by agitosgirl - Rated M, High School AU, One-shot. She’s covered in piercings and leather, and has a bad attitude. But she takes an interest in him. A very special interest…

“Echoes of Silence” by @ellaroundpanda - Rated E, Modern AU, Multi-chapter, Ongoing. Hinata Hyuga was trapped. Her relationship with Toneri was leading to nowhere and she wanted to find a new Dom. Naruto Uzumaki seemed to be the answer to all her prayers, but her fiancé wouldn’t give up that easily…

Naruto does weightlifting in this one:

“Asynchronous With You” by @bunny-hoodlum - Rated E, High School AU, Multi-chapter, Ongoing. They told everyone they were foster siblings. He did it for her because she didn’t want them to grow apart. She did it for herself so she could stop loving him. Their timing couldn’t have been worse.

uhmm I think in this one, he owns gyms:

“Missed Years” by Rinne-Kami - Rated T, Modern AU, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. The act of one night gave birth to their future. And now, with years past since that one night, they were left with years to return. Seven years of love to find, seven years of trust to rebuild, and seven years of fatherhood to return.

Okay, I found more than I thought I would! If anyone can think of others, feel free to add!

[satantica]

someone hitting on you - with haikyu boys pt.3

characters: stalker!suna rintarou, employee!tsukishima kei, tutor!sugawara koushi

cw: fem!reader

tw: stalking, mentioning of violence

————————————————————————

stalker!suna

Suna wasn’t that kind of guy who would go straightforward for something he desires. Especially if that’s you. He’d like to play games as long as it entertains him. Rintarou would go everywhere you go just to explore the expressions of yours he’d seen before. Keeping his admiration for you in secret was like a drug. It was never enough. Every new shade of emotion, every new reaction would make him want more of you.

Suna would scroll your page late at night to see if there’s something he never noticed. He would go to the same places as you but make sure you wouldn’t see him. Even slightly. Rintarou loved being your shadow.

That one day you posted something about going to the casino night with friends of yours. That day Rintarou decided to make a game a little more spicy. Just add one more player to the game he adored so much.

That night you looked flawlessly gorgeous. Suna was craving for the moment he gives a slightest idea of something that only you could’ve known. To see not a fear in your eyes but a little note of innocent confusion. He knew it was going to be the most beautiful and precious thing he had ever seen.

And yet Rintarou saw you nervously smiling to a stranger. A guy he didn’t know. Why would he? You just bumped into this man and now politely trying to get rid of him. You didn’t see girls around. You were helpless. The dude was almost twice your height grabbing your hand to make you go with him.

Suna was thinking of how he was going to rip him apart. He had waited so much for you feeling not worth to even talk to you. And this motherfucker dares to touch you? No one could treat his desire like that.

But Rintarou also couldn’t manage to let some freak end his game like this. Suna quickly moved to the closest person to him and asked the name of the moron next to you.

“Hey, Troy, this chick bought you a drink.” Rintarou said it loud enough so he would hear. Fortunately, you didn’t look in his direction and rushed to meet your girls. Rintarou was relieved.

Troy approached Suna to see his drink. Rintarou grabbed his shirt and nailed him to the bar counter. Suna looked at his clothes surprised how he wasn’t ashamed to breathe the same air with you.

“See the suit i’m wearing? You know how much it costs? The amount that your mind can’t even comprehend. Tonight is very special. And i am not letting someone like you ruin this for me. Now take a hint and get fucking lost until I smash your face. Next time watch your fucking hands while you still have them” Rintarou growled.

employee!tsukishima

Almost every third man in the office tried his way of flirting with you. The more strict you got the more hot they thought you got. If you could you would fire every single one. But this option leaves like two-thirds of the employees. Things got better when you gave the cue that every inappropriate comment would dock the pay of the horny bastard that made it. But it never stopped people from discussing their hot boss behind her back.

Tsukishima wasn’t blind and knew that whispers weren’t even nearly describing your beauty in the way you deserved. He never crossed the line with you despite his desperate wish to do that. He always stayed formal and tried to do every task you gave. But every time Kei left your office he wasn’t able to get out of his head the way you bit your lips while being focused on filling out all the papers. Tsukishima would nervously take his glasses off and start to wipe it, helplessly trying to think of something else. It was hella cute. “If only she saw what she’s doing to me.” Kei wouldn’t let this thought go further.

Tsukishima was sitting in the break room pretending to be enjoying his lunch but actually listening to shit that some employee was talking about you. His coworker was saying how short and tight your skirt was, how needy you were if you had been wearing a skirt like this and how you would let just anybody to fulfill your needs. This passionate monologue of his led to the conclusion that he should ask you out. You wouldn’t say no anyway.

Kei was disgusted by every his word but tried to keep it to himself until this jerk started talking about actually asking you out. “It would be such a pity to see you go. You’ve served this company so well. Did this speech also came out of the wish for serving the company, especially manager of it? Then I actually think you should get a promotion. Firing you wouldn’t really be a good gesture of appreciation of your selfless sacrifice” Tsukishima smirked.

tutor!sugawara

Let’s be honest, yes, Suga was tutoring you because he wanted to help you but he also desperately wanted to spend time with you. He wasn’t sure how you felt about him so every time he told you a little flirty joke and you laughed at it, his heart would melt right away. After that he would keep convincing himself that it was nothing cause he obviously didn’t deserve you.

Koushi was sitting in the library impatiently checking his phone every 10 seconds. You were late and he was afraid that you changed your mind. “I am just her tutor.” Suga repeated it several times to calm down. Was he though?

You were actually running to the library. Just the image of Sugawara sitting there all alone was breaking your heart. But there was it. Finally, the library. You were so excited to see Koushi that you didn’t really see anything but the doors of the library. You suddenly bumped into someone.

“Hey, easy there. You almost killed me” a guy said. You felt really guilty and quickly looked at him “Oh, sorry. You alright?”. The boy smiled “No, really hot girl hit me with her cuteness.” You started to feel uncomfortable “Thanks, but I’m kinda in a rush.” The guy didn’t want to get it “What for?” You wanted to say something really mean but you promised you were going to be at your best behavior today cause, come on, it is Koushi we’re talking about.

Suga was worried that you weren’t replying his texts and decided to meet you halfway. He just left the library and saw you next to some guy. As soon as Suga was ready to get upset, you blurted out “There you are.” The tone of your voice brought him back to reality. His blood was racing with the thought that you were waiting for him. Not to just help you to get away from this guy but to actually see him.

“Sorry to interrupt. I’m sure you’re a great guy but I’d like you to give me my date back. “ Koushi proudly took your hand.

[blot-squisher]

do you think marcus would get with any of the non-included dbd characters 👀

any headcanons as to who he would get along with the most? the least?

Time for a rousing game of ~Smash or Pass with Marcus!~

Reasons will be brief to keep this from being ten pages long (✿◡‿◡)

The Killers

The Knight : Tarhos ~Smash <3 (Guards all get a pass tho)

The Skull Merchant : Adriana ✨~Not even over my dead body~✨

The Singularity : Hux ~Pass (Sorry, you just don't have the right... equipment ( •_•)>⌐■-■ (⌐■_■)

Xenomorph ~ Smash. Hey, after Dredge, what's one more actual monster?

The Good Guy : Chucky ~ Pass. He's a doll.... Just no... (as previously stated, Chucky will be appearing in STG. I had already planned on this before he was added to DBD, therefore in STG he was never taken by the Entity)

The Unknown : Jim ~ Smash... Does this officially earn Marcus the title of Monster Fucker?

The Lich : Vecna ~Nope! He's like Wesker, but older and somehow even more insufferably self inflated

The Dark Lord (seriously? seriously? -_-) : Dracula ~ Smash! Only in human form though... Get your mind of the gutter ( ͡ಠ ʖ̯ ͡ಠ) (but seriously, the dark lord?)

The Survivors

Vittorio : 🔥🔥🔥Smash🔥🔥🔥 (I wonder if his tattoos glow when he-)

Thalita : Pass. She isn't one to hop into bed with someone she barely knows and he's got a harem of Killers... No.

Renato : Pass. If his sister doesn't like someone, he's going to trust her judgment. Also, same reasons as above.

Gabriel : Smash. He's still making new memories since finding out the truth of his creation, he wants to take a few risks! Live an adventure of his own making! (I know his lore says he doesn't know he's a clone, but I love the idea of him figuring it out at some point and deciding he wants to make real memories and friends for himself)

Nicholas Cage : (This section could not be completed due to the mod laughing too hysterically to write out her thoughts properly)

Ellen Ripley : Pass for her, Smash for him. Marcus has seen the Alien movies too many times to count (not just for the xeno). Actually getting to meet Ripley in person would be like meeting a celebrity. He'd respect her wishes to stay away from her though. He reeks of bad decisions and danger, and the last time that happened, her entire crew died...

Alan Wake : (I know nothing about this character or franchise so this is based purely off of ✨vibes✨) Smash! He looks very haunted. Very smashable. Mhmm.

Sable : Pass. She's already got a girlfriend, thank you very much.

Aestri Yazar : Smash! Bard. Duh. ✪ ω ✪

Baermar Uraz : Smash. But only after much outrage that Marcus had hooked up with the woman he views as his mother...

Lara Croft : Smash. She finds his pathetic charm endearing. And he's surprisingly good in bed for someone who cries at the end of Old Yeller.

Trevor Belmont : Smash. He's moody and broody and needs to fucking kill or fuck someone.

[nodulemodule]

Camp Camp S5E1 opinions (spoilers)

I just watched the new episode of Camp Camp and nobody cares but here's what I have to say, first:

(this is your disclaimer to please watch the new episode LEGALLY and in a way that supports the creators. Even if that means blocking spoilers for a bit so you can watch it for free when it's available. It's a small team, and they deserve all the support they can get because making cartoons is hard!)

All this is my opinion, if you disagree, let me know! I genuinely want to discuss it. If you agree with me, then feel free to vent along with me and we can be excited or dissapointed together. The show qualifies as art and is open to criticism. Also WARNING: SPOILERS FOR THE NEW SEASON PREMIERE OF CAMP CAMP!

Ok with all that garbage out of the way, here's what I have to say:

Likes:

• Max’s new voice is pretty good. I got used to it pretty quick. Props to the VA!

• Dolph’s new design is cute. I totally understand why they changed it and the redesign is good.

• DAVID WITH GUN. DAVID WITH GUN.

•I think the idea of the whole camp hating the trio is funny and I kind of wish they made it real even though it went against the point of the episode kind of.

• The part where the trio is shaming Preston and they all move in sync was the one part that made me laugh. I love when they're all being goofy together.

• I liked the idea with the circle in the dirt at first because I thought it was just Max’s way of illustrating a point and I thought it was cute how he included his friends. Started as a nice moment

• Nurf lovingly flipping them off was funny.

• my gwenvid heart was soaring. They were very cute and I wish we got a more overt gwenvid moment as a send-off. Like, it doesn't have to be made canon and can stay subtle but something for the fans would have been nice.

• Gwen’s new voice did a good job. Slightly different vibe to her but it wasn't bad at all. I liked it. It was an interesting change and I didn't mind at all.

• The scene with Max and David’s hike was beautiful and the best part of the episode by far. They're both so in character, they are well-written and their dynamic is so sweet, and the message rings true. It was a nice moment and something I think Max needed to hear.

• “somebody. Fucking. Has to.” GUYS WHEN I TELL YOU I FJGKRNGKRHDNR WHAT A CALLBACK. I wish they made David’s reaction a little longer and made it more of a moment because I nearly missed it at first but once I heard it I got so excited. Really, Max’s whole pep talk in that moment is very good.

• The camera is such a thoughtful and fitting gift for Max because he's struggling with letting go of camp, and the fact he uses it himself too makes it all the more sweet.

• My lil Makki heart jumped when Max came back and Nikki shouts his name. It was sweet, the excitement and joy in her voice. I forgot it was meant to be a joke at first honestly it was so sincere.

• the animation was great! I loved the facial animations, especially on David and Nikki. Idk why those two had such good expressions but I'm not complaining.

• the trio. They're such besties. I'm love them.

• Honestly the fight cloud with Nikki and Neil was fun idk why I liked watching them wrastle. Children fighting is amusing.

• I'm glad Gwen finally got recognized for her talent. It’s a running theme throughout the show that Gwen is more talented and capable than she lets on and this was a fine way to end it. Good for her.

• Whe- WUH- THE ENDING. WHERE ARE THEY GONNA GO FROM HERE? I AM EXCITED AND INTRIGUED

Dislikes:

• opening narration was unnecessary

• wish they introduced Dolph’s new look more organically. It deserves to be it’s own moment.

• why can't Nikki write? She's 9 not 4. She was never stupid.

• plot is all over the place. It's like two or three episodes smashed into one and there's not enough extra time for any of them. It lacks focus. If it were up to me I would have cut out the first half with the social media app and the trio trying to get people to like them. It felt like filler.

• it's just not very funny. There was maybe one joke that made me laugh. And not even hard. Camp Camp is usually pretty funny to me so I don't get what happened. The comedy is all so slow despite the plot being so crammed so I wonder if the delivery was faster if we would have more time for plot. Anyway, they just lacked any sort of setup or punchline. Just nothing jokes.

• Why does Max go along with trying not to be bossy? He clearly didn't care before and the way it's written it isn't implied he's doing it for his friends. It's like he suddenly did care about being liked out of nowhere. I think it would have been funny and made more sense if maybe Nikki or Neil made him play along, like Nikki bit him until he stopped.

• the circle thing. It was a cute idea at first because I thought Max was just making some kind of metaphor, and I thought that it was cute. I wish they kept it like that and just made it a sweet moment of Max expressing his devotion to his friends in his own way but instead they stay in the circle and are just unfunny for a few minutes and then Nikki says they ran away?? Like first of all why are you running away and also no, you didn't run away because you're still at camp. WHY ARE THEY IN THE CIRCLE IT DOES NOTHING FOR THE PLOT AND MAKES NO SENSE?

• I HATED THE CLOSE-UP OF NIKKI’S NOSE SO MUCH IT WAS SO UNFUNNY WHY IS SHE MADE TO BE SO UNLIKABLE FOR THAT ONE BIT JUST SO MAX CAN LOOK AT HER IN DISGUST IT WAS SO BAD

• Is it just me or do they keep playing sad music like... A lot? It just keeps popping up every other scene and at some point it just became funny to me. It's so badly paced out lol

• I mentioned Max’s pep talk was good and it was but also I wish that it was in a better written context. Like, I think it would have been a better end to the cliff scene instead of a way to motivate David to... fight a robot cause... He thinks he can't... Because reasons? It doesn't make a whole lot of sense and I think that it's supposed to connect but it really doesn't.

• Too much Preston. Never liked Preston never will. Why did he talk so much.

• the running gag of everyone being like “oooookay” when the trio assumes they hate them is just... So unfunny omg

• This episode suffers from season 4 syndrome, which was a characteristic of season 4 that I heavily disliked where they sacrifice the outrageous personalities of the characters to have them sit around and discuss life lessons that aren't even that profound to begin with. It's boring, unnatural, and uncharacteristic. At least make it funny. I don't want to see them sit on the ground and calmly discuss basic friendship lessons like I KNOW THAT NOW PLEASE DO SOMETHING INTERESTING.

• I wish David and Max got a better goodbye. I kind of liked David’s line of “That's good enough for me.” but I wish they expanded on it. Maybe have Max struggle to be sincere and make it more obvious that he's trying to act tough and David still sees through it. So he's like “I get that's you're struggling to be sincere so ill take what I can get because I appreciate the effort.”

Overall, it was kind of a mixed bag. It had some very VERY good moments and a lot of good ideas, but I think it was messy and didn't use it's time well, as well as not taking advantage of a lot of potential jokes. I understand that they likely had limitations but they tried to tackle too much with one episode. If I were to change anything I would cut the first half and work on giving the characters a more clear and smooth arc from beginning to end. Pick a focus and stick to it! Still, I'm excited to see where this will go!

[stealerofthe2ndbraincell]

In9 rant incoming.

For some god forbid reason, the rats in my brain have connected my thoughts after watching Arcane S2 to one episode of IN9 that I recently rewatched, Tempting Fate, so I'm going to ramble a little.

I've seen differing interpretations of Nick's wish at the very end to help Keith's son.

Mainly about whether or not he had malicious intentions behind it.

Throughout the story, he remains the most vigilant in regards to not making silly wishes because, unlike Maz and especially Keith, he is aware of the massive negative repercussions. He's the first to connect what happened to Frank to the wishes and remains firm on not risking a wish at all. So he should know that wishing anything for Charlie would backfire and harm potentially him and Keith.

(Although, it is ironic that 2/3 of their wishes were made by him)

Not only that, but Nick doesn't have any reason to want to be nice to Keith at this point, with this line only muddling things further.

By this point he's seen Keith attempt to steal £93,000 that Nick knows (and keeps on trying to tell him) is cursed, witnesses him completely roll over and ignore his colleagues death, finds out he's a literal murderer who proceeded to attempt to kill him in a frankly cruel manner (using his alcoholism against him and pouring some into his unconscious mouth to frame Maz's and his own death as a drunken accident that leads to a gas leak (implying he was willing to blow him up in the process)).

At this point, Nick has been lied to and betrayed by a friend of 12 years in such a significant way that it seems wild for his wish to be made out of sincere care for Keith.

However, what I find most interesting about this scene is how clearly out of it Nick is when he breaks the news.

Granted I don't think the drink would have that much of an influence, but you know what would: being smashed directly on the head by a bloody rabbit statue a few minutes beforehand.

From the slurred speech, breaks in breath and general body language, Nick is concussed at the very least.

Now this isn't me siding as to whether or not he intended to hurt Keith and Charlie, the former making the act kind of cruel once again if on purpose, but I don't think it's out of the question that it was done with some semblance of hope.

Not only did he discover and witness all the awful things Keith was willing to do and had done, but he had also seen how all of it was focused on Charlie's recovery. He went to Frank so he could afford the treatment required, he stole the money later for the very same and he got over Maz's death so quickly because he had that money as his top priority. The problem was that Keith wouldn't listen when he told him that money was cursed.

He also doesn't have full faith that all wishes will screw you over as well.

Even back with Maz, he attempts to think of safe and harmless ways the wishes could be used when she wishes for "not too much, but enough to make a difference" amounts of money.

Although Nick states that every wish backfires, he hasn't lost all faith in the idea that they could do good and not cause immense levels of harm.

That still present faith, awareness of how far Keith was willing to go for his son, alongside how clearly not in a decision making state he was in at the end of the story, I think paints a different perspective. Specifically one where he could have genuinely and sincerely wished Charlie back to health potentially for Keith.

Whilst I still think, especially with the "it's what you deserve" line, that Nick could have definitely had cruel intentions wishing to help Charlie, I really like how ambiguous the episode leaves it.

[titleknown]

KAIJUNE 2024 #1: BLACK HOLE SUN

You know, that's the thing about the apocalypse. Everyone always acts like it's the end of the world.

The word apocalypse doesn't mean the end of all things, it means a revelation, usually of how fucked shit is. But everyone thinks it's all nuclear winter in the Mojave and Thunderdomes. It's weird how noboody ever gets beyond that. The utilities still work, infrastructure's found a way, most states are intact, hell I'm fucking baffled how the fuck they did it but the Internet Archive people and their fuckoff convoy managed to even keep the net up, even if we only can stream in 480p.

It's just a new normal of city smashing fucking god-monsters we can't do shit about but try to nudge off and clean up after their mess. Everybody knows a guy who knows a guy who got their house smashed by King Diamond or The Twist or whoever. Like politics before, but more literal this time. After the kaiju came out, it wasn't societal collapse but a long, long string of fuckups and failures like global warming on acid while things just... keep happening.

I think it's because the poor bastards are scared of the truth, after the revelation, life continues. Mostly. But sometimes... well, I was paid to write this article about Black Hole Sun, and by fucking god I'm going to write it! 

The thing got its nickname from the fact that we kept finding small towns that were fucking gone. Like, not levelled to rubble, not burnt to ashes, just fucking gone. Where there was a place, there was only dust. We figured it was a predator, picking off the weak one by one, and we found a pattern, a spiral shape, so we figured we'd intercept it, take some photos and leave.

The first sign we should have left was the sound. Usually the wake of a kaiju is very loud from everything else running away or very quiet from everything else being dead. But here, it was just... well, the closest I could compare it to was like a whale speaking in tongues, and the tongues were the old-testament kind. The crew swore they could hear it saying something something, but they'd been drinking. Probably a bad idea near a kaiju site, but if you've seen enough shit you know why it sounds reasonable.

Then we saw the environment. It was on a shitty mostly dead highway as it is, but things were just... less there. I know I'm a fucking reporter, I know I do this shit for a living and was even robbed of a fucking pulitzer for it, but I don't know shit better to say what it was like than that it was less. Everything was less itself, colors less, shape less, mass less, everything was just less!

A lot of the shit crumbled to dust when we touched it. I tried to smoke it. I wish I didn't.

It walked up on us when we were asleep. The sound was the first sign, or rather, the absense of it, a silence that rang out loud as a scream. Like it swallowed up the sounds it left behind as it came, like a boat through it's own wake. Most of the crew made it, god bless 'em, two of 'em didn't. It wasn't the ones that were drinking, no, it was if you were close enough, you were gone. Not crushed, not eaten, gone, no rhyme nor reason for why they were the two taken.

I got pictures, of the flat wastes of nothing and the phantasmogoria of the damn thing eating the world it left as it moved, and god if the fucking paycheck wasn't gratifying, but that didn't capture what it was like to see it, not really.

Grandma once said that you could see the Gods emotions on their faces better than you could people's faces, they were too big not to see. Everyone at the time thought she was a mad old bat, but now, I think I get it. When you deal with kaiju as long as I have, you can see their feelings, too tall, too lheavy for this world. 

And looking at that thing, I saw that it felt nothing. Not that it didn't feel anything, that it felt only nothing.

I don't know what it wants, I don't even think it wants anything except nothing, but god fucking dammit I hope we can find to fight back, or else...

-DW Devlin, reporter

---------------------------------------------------------

Ability Notes: they do have the ability to create massive storms of hawking radiation and localized, extremely powerful beams, but most of the time they don't really need to. Most things not only die but are simply unmade just by it walking forward and existing in the viscinity.

Bonus Trivia: They have nothing to do with Liquid Miracle, and the reason for their existence is more akin to what happens when a Ligottian law of physics dreams. Strong will and togetherness can resist its unmaking, but that is rare, and rarer still is the will that can push it back.

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So, after being delayed for months upon months, Kaijune 2024 is finally here! In October! Better late than never (I lie to myself!) And it was this fucker who probably caused a huge chunk of the delays! The core idea was simple, paper mache orb with legs, but then I complicated it with the nightmare of attaching said legs and also doing stuff by twisting the paper I used for it to give it texture that made it a nightmare to paint. But I think it came off well.

And also, because at least one person I showed it to was confused by how I made it, it's wildly labyrinthine and dumb.In that all the Kaiju of Kaijunes 2023 and 2024 are actual physical props I made and kitbashed, 

Then I took photos of them, using wargame terrain from local game stores as the equivalent of miniature sets, and then did some heavy photomanipulation to fill out the "sky" and do wacky Shenanigans with the lighting. Complex, but I think the results end up gorgeous.

...And, in that grand (exceedingly late) Kaijune tradition, this character and all related narrative elements are under a CC-BY 4.0 license, as long as I, Thomas F Johnson, am credited as their creator. Have fun!

[loreleilarai]

The new dlc gave me... Ideas.

So, I was thinking about a reader blind from birth. I don't know much about people with those disabilities but I could investigate, and as far as I know they depend on others (either people or pets) not to get run over in the street and that sort of thing.

Y/N is studying to be a lawyer, them has been studying for two years and his parents gave him a bot to take care of them on his 20th birthday. Sun and Moon, two personalities in one body.

Sun is in charge of cooking, ironing and laundry or going outside, equipped with a cheerful and sociable attitude. Moon is something like the bodyguard, in case things get ugly he will go out either day or night, if Y/N goes out at night Moon will be the one outside not because of the light, but because in his programming is that it is dangerous at night. They both take care of Y/N's cleanliness and care, helping him read the law books while Y/N transcribes everything into Braille. This gives Y/N a little more freedom, without depending on other ... people.

Y/N has a pet dog, but every day them are visited by his parents, aunts or etc. They would like him not to be a burden to others and he strives to live for himself, in the end the visits are reduced and both Sun and Moon get attached to this human.

Here everything takes a direction more like Detroit Become Human, the robots want rights and the divergents are killed and thrown in a dumpster like scrap metal. Y/N is always curious about that, but Sun and Moon would rather not know about that news.

Things are slowly escalating with the robotic revolution, Moon and Sun don't want to mess with that stuff. They are fine here, reading for Y/N, taking walks in the park, giving the dog baths, charging through solar power while Y/N sits sunbathing beside them, having a quiet and peaceful domestic life. Of course there are feelings involved, Y/N is very grateful to Sun and Moon, and they love this life with their human. They are all in love and don't know how to approach it.

Of course things are not as everyone wishes, the peace and quiet is gone when one day, Sun go shopping for groceries and don't come back.

Y/N and his dog go out in search of Sun and Moon, even calling their parents for help, and the next day they find them at the entrance of a dumpster.

Sun, or maybe Moon have been smashed and burned. Y/N can't see but she can feel the heat, the ash, the dented metal and runs her hands over the mangled body. They are crying along with his dog, and his parents tell him they will get another bot for them, but Y/N doesn't want a new robot.

Y/N insists on fixing them, and his parents agree, telling him they'll try to help but in the end they don't assure him that a mechanic can help them. They take Sun and Moon home, in the backyard, in the sun. And somehow their solar panels in Sun's rays work properly.

They turn on, but they don't feel fully themselves, they're trapped in this Eclipse form. To clarify, Eclipse is not a third personality here! Sun and Moon exert their presence at the same time and every action is calculated in a millisecond by both of them in a quick discussion.

Now the tension of the revolution has increased, no one is safe anymore.

Y/N is looking for a mechanic, but everyone refuses to repair any kind of walking robot. It's a kind of new law, they can't fix any robot until the divergent problem is solved.

So, they have to live like this, Y/N helps Eclipse and Eclipse helps Y/N. They are both a little broken but they work together.

At some point there they confide and become a couple, Y/N don't want to go through the heartache of losing them without them knowing their feelings and blah blah. They kiss and commit to finding a way to move forward, together.

Y/N gets her law degree, and with that.... They decides it's time to leave the country. They talks to his parents and although they are worried, they agree.

Both Sun and Moon can't cross the border, so they are taking a road trip where they drive and Y/N talk.

Their ending comes when they cross another country where robots do have rights a couple of years ago and can get a mechanic to fix Eclipse. They rented a house, Y/N saved money through lawyer work, and a few years later they bought a house. Eclipse is a bit of a housewife, helping out with the kids from time to time when neighbors need to leave their kids in the care of others. After many years of relationship, them get married and get their happy ending.

I'm thinking of switching Y/N's parents and relatives with Vanessa, Gregory and Freddy. Who help Y/N cross the country through Monty, Roxanne (and Cassie) and Chica, who are not part of the revolution but help the bots in their own way.

[2n2n]

ch 108

WEWWWWWW!!!!!!!! amazing times.

ghoul.... mmm... you look amazing honey

distractions

what is it with aida-sensei wwwww... if it's not Mokke running all around playing sillay little games in the BG it's a detail like this... well I love it very much

It's good to see Akane indict the Clockkeepers in some sense. The real threat indeed...

here we go AGAIN~

poor little songbird~~

it's the captive princesses ... Nene-chan.... I really adore you... you are pure of heart... you have to absorb and appreciate your scenery and role, don't you... it suits you. Unfortunately, even despite your intentions to do this secretly while he sleeps for some self-indulgent reason, I don't think Tsukasa can perceive your fetish, as he is too innocent. Now, you need to show it to Amane....

so kind of you to try to free you both at once, Nene-chan.... you really warmed up to him, didn't you?

N-Nene-chan animal theater.... I love when Aida-sensei does this so much!!!!!!

whore drawing...

but.. I really love to get to see a listless Tsukasa. I've been waiting forever... it's very cute that fatigue makes him depressive and unmotivated! I like that he's not trying at all and just laying down... Tsukasa strikes me as ah, not tolerant of bad stimuli...? the kind of boy who needs to keep his shirt untucked and his suspenders loose to the point of falling off... who can't tolerate a movie theater longterm. It's a charm point, part of this childishness... if he's bored, he just leaves ... if he's tired, he just lays down...

I'm so fascinated that his Tsueshiro are rendered inert, now. I couldn't imagine-- not when the general time power itself couldn't effect him like it did Amane... and, since Amane's Tsueshiro is operating perfectly normally, this means what happens to one doesn't touch the other...

Th-thank you for having beliefs like this, Nene-chan.... please, please think about how they are twins. It makes their minds special, doesn't it? Surely.

another instance to add to the list of 'Tsukasa having a surprising amount of faith in Nene-chan"! WELL-PLACED FAITH !!!! she's amazing isn't she....! this chapter....!

meanwhile.... a wrecking ball smashes into our minds...

what an incredibly intense bit of lore for the Yugi. I love how Tsukasa approaches 'facts'-- with a practical sense, without seeming morose or mired in what could seem a grim absolute. It's just like his delivery of, "Amane hates me" as his younger self.... Tsukasa doesn't lie to himself, doesn't pull away from what is true, but neither does he express resentment, or any expectation or wish for it to be any different. Amane is Amane. Tsukasa knows Amane. I really don't think Tsukasa imagines ... change ... in their dynamic, as much as Amane also struggles avidly with the idea of having anything 'new' as a ghost. I'm sure that is why Tsukasa is seemingly aiming for Amane to rip him asunder again....

He can't seem to be sad about what he doesn't have, because he just doesn't fathom having it in the first place. I... think that's, the purpose of, Nene-chan... to make Tsukasa consider what he doesn't have, or what could be had. Despite being the wish agent, I don't think Tsukasa wishes for much. I think Nene-chan does that for Amane too, of course... I think she's meant to give both the Yugi an impetus for seeing more. For wishing.

whatever part of Tsukasa may have mouthed Amane's name despite his own belief, he does seem to feel something profound....

you're acting tsun and fussy at a time like this.....

I hope Amane heard their entire exchange ... I imagine he would feel quite stubborn and fussy about what Tsukasa's so easily declared as a fact about him. I wonder how he feels about it.... "never come when called by you?"

I am sure every single second, feeling his weight accounted for and bared by Amane's body, is dreamlike. I doubt he can believe what he's feeling! For real.. Amane's arm! Carrying you! In equal measure to carrying Nene-chan!! THERE COULDN'T BE A BETTER MORE IDEAL PANEL FOR EXPRESSING AMANE'S LOVE FOR THE TWO--!!! these little GOONS!! also, this panel kind of gives you lewd thoughts

I'm sure.... if Amane showed up, Tsukasa expected Nene-chan to be plucked from his hands, and to continue to watch them pivot away to safety, while he falls down into the dark pit.. left to his own devices to figure out how to get out. He had to get out of Amane's boundary by himself, didn't he? and Tsukasa wouldn't be sad about it….! Really. It would be Amane being Amane, to him. He expects it, and it's fine. He loves Amane, anyway. He'd die for an Amane who he believes hates him. That's the kind of person Tsukasa is.

a moment to appreciate Tsukasa releasing his own hold on the edge of the cage, to catch Nene-chan...

A wonderful display. I don't think he thinks twice about it.... not a choice to plummet himself to oblivion, but an instinct. That's just like him, isn't it....?

I'll talk a little more about cages, crying for help, beseeching, at the end... because I have a few more thoughts about it!

ughhh save your princesses ♥♥♥♥ I can't believe you've threaded Tsukasa's bound arms around your neck.... ♥♥♥ God do I wish I could see it second by second....

you're making all my dreams come truuuueee Amaneeeeeehhhhh ♥♥♥♥ all three...!!! your two precious things....!!! ohhhhh our heroooo ♥♥♥♥ dashing in his cape.........

y-you remove Nene-chan's shackles but not Tsukasa's .......

if that is how you want me, master... wwwww

goobie woobie oobie baby Nene-chan in Hanako's arms. Hanako experiencing a new lolicon emotion. Ohhhhhhhhh sweet darling preciousness.... it's not so bad to experience a little bit of pain for such an incredible pleasure, right??

oh all this build up and sweating and shaking to say absolutely nothing in response is so incredibly Amane. She loves you just the way you are, thankfully.... we all do.....

I like DBS's TL of Tsu here better than the MangaUP actually AHAH... mangaUP did "good for you." which I think in ENGLISH carries a bitter connotation that I genuinely do not think Tsukasa has lol. He just talks in a naturally simple way lol.

god. Amane you'd love to get away with doing things with no commentary but unfortunately you have a funny little bug of a brother who is obsessed with you.... what an. amazing and perfect Yugi interaction. Amane obviously being pissy. extremely. Tsukasa keying into it. Amane lying blatantly but stubbornly doubling down anyway. Tsukasa continuing to ask like a little pest. Oouuuh. Boyce... brothers....

ohhh Tsu-chan... you can't... imagine.... the kinds of feelings... Amane has about that kiss... okay... he can't begin t o .. articulate ... any of it at all ... I'm sure he would honestly like it to be as simple as 'mad' ....

personally I enjoy that this makes it obvious it wasn't really Tsukasa's intention ... but I think it's cute to him Amane is still thinking about it despite all the circumstances and events lol.... I actually think Amane is being very charitable and maybe the best big brother he can manage to be here ............ I would give him a treat if I could ... not gonna yell at Tsukasa.... not gonna lash out rn.... contain it....

now I would like to say something funny lol. Tsukasa's line here is actually incredibly ambiguous:

he doesn't actually make reference to Nene-chan, it's like " Amane kiss also?" in that casually threadbare way JP can be ... it means the fujoshi are free to interpret "he's pointing to himself, is he referring to Amane kissing him?" playfully aahahahaa... I'm sad its hard to preserve that kind of ambiguous way of phrasing something!!! it's sad that kind of "wait what did he mean" funny discussion can't happen here, mangaUP also just had him directly refer to kissing Nene-chan.... I'm SUUUUURE it's 'meant that way' but, like, I love when coach lets the girlies play....!!!! they are loving this panel.... its way funnier vague .... Amane ? kiss ? too ? wwwww

AN AMAZING EVENT!!!!

LOVE to see Amane THROWING Nene-chan into Tsukasa's arms, Tsukasa dutifully catching her carefully, Amane trusting he will catch her...!!!! Well I have to say it... it's been funny watching the fandom predict a lot of animosity and hatred in all directions that just isn't there ahahaha. All these expectations for Amane to punch and maim Tsukasa in jealous rage, and instead, you have him relying on his brother to help protect her, and trying to graciously handle the situation. The Yugi... they always surprise you by how familiar they really are...

I'm in love with every time Amane seamlessly commands Tsukasa by saying his name... ♥♥♥ look at him, being such a useful otouto even though Amane hasn't granted him the use of his arms back, and the spell making him fatigued... ♥♥♥ even with a ball and chain on his ankle, Tsukasa can run for Nene-chan...!!

I don't have many profound feelings about Teru and Akane lol, they are just very funny to me-- ultimately neither's alliance is truly with one another, despite that I do believe Akane is one of the only people Teru is his true self around. A complicated closeness which is easily broken .... Akane would kill Teru for Aoi, Teru would kill Akane for his little siblings, these are things I think of as fact. It's such a tenuous bond and, they are mutually aware ... but kind of, struggle with betrayal and reliance and trust and dependence on one another's skills and support. I like how KILL TRAIN Teru is here lol. He's got plenty pent up concerning Akane ... unlike Kou, I think Teru is much more capable of "when push comes to shove..." and suspending empathy or compassion ... even if he could later hold remorse. Crazy Minamoto conditioning and such ...

Interested in the greater machinations and Akane's vagueries, but I don't have thoughts about them. Happy to wait for more (:

stupid ... uke .....

--pomf-- ooo get humped idiot

A FEW EXTRA THOUGHTS ...! pertaining to.... Tsukasa's ominous statement, that Amane would not come if he called... that he "never has before"

what a tantalizing thing to say. When, at what point in time? It conjures the image of a Tsukasa pleading for Amane-- something I'm sure many of us, can't even imagine. I haven't thought of a begging Tsukasa, wanting to be saved. He is so typically 'fine' where he is, even if that circumstance is unpleasant.... even at age 4. In a normal situation, it's hard to imagine Tsukasa calling for help from Amane ... and it's hard to imagine Amane, that sweet older brother, not simply sheltering him. He's sweet to Tsukasa, at 4. He's happy to read to him, and tries to put on a calm front for him while so ill, so as not to worry him. Amane cared about Tsukasa, of course! He's even charmed by the Tsukasa absorbed in katanuki for hours at 8. Wouldn't that Amane come running if called? .... but would that Tsukasa cry out for him .... ?

So.....

when, how? The only Tsukasa we've seen a glimpse of post-ghosting is the coffin boy, who appears quite inert and dead. He certainly can't call for Amane. The Tsukasa at the start of this series, struggled to even get used to moving at all. Is there a stage we don't know about?

How much could Tsukasa call him with no answer, until he ultimately concludes it simply will never be replied to? Why would he think that it is specifically himself Amane won't respond to? Only doing something once or twice, wouldn't create conviction like that. In order to say something like, "this person never ____", you would think there would be extraneous circumstances that proved ... beyond a shadow of doubt ... that it simply is the way things are. Tsukasa is so shocked to see Amane appear, and save him ... that belief has to be rooted in something Tsukasa took to heart.

Perhaps something happened when they were alive .... we really don't know what that final year was like.

Whatever the case... Amane does love Tsukasa-- unlike Tsukasa, we have the benefit of knowing this completely! In our hearts! There are circumstances where, because Amane loves you, and wants to protect you, he ignores your cries....

I wonder when, why, how... Amane wouldn't come when Tsukasa finally called. I wonder why Tsukasa would call for him ....

Honestly, if Amane didn't love Tsukasa, the possibilities wouldn't be so scary. They are much more haunting, knowing how much he loves his little brother. I can't wait to learn more about Amane!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I want to see the Tsukasa pleading for his brother!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I wonder how hopeless we have had to get .... !

[safety-pin-punk]

hi, so I’m a teen who’s starting to get into punk culture bc a while ago I was researching punk culture for an oc I was making (cuz I wanted it to be accurate) and I realized ‘oh shit wait this is really cool and aligns with my views and stuff and the music is really good too’ and i just have a couple questions about it:

What are some good punk rock bands you would recommend? (and also are there any problematic ones I should know of so I can avoid them)

2. With lace code, does combining colors change the meaning/add other symbolism (other than black and white/checkerboard for racial unity)? Like if I were to put purple laces on one shoe (LGBTQ+ pride) and green on the other (anti-racist) would that change the symbolism at all? Also does the way you lace the boots change it bc I’ve heard lace code only applies when they’re ladder laced but I haven’t had a chance to look into that more so idk

3. Are there any problematic movements/groups within the punk community that I should be aware of?

4. anything else i should know/general tips and advice for baby punks?

also I saw on your blog that it’s ur birthday so happy bday! :D

0. Thank you for the birthday wishes!!!

1. That is a *whole* question in and of itself that really deserves its own post. But the short answer is that it really depends on your own personal taste. There are a lot of subgenres of punk rock too. (This site is actually a pretty good map of the genres and how things connect)

But as far as bands I recommend: Ramones, the offspring, sum 41, greenday, rancid, afi, linkin park, misfits, the cure, magnolia park, dopamine, teenage bottlerocket, anti-flag, pennywise, the living end, street dogs, the smashing pumpkins, slapstick, left alone, dog park dissidents, the virus, hotel security

That should give you a decent mix of different sounds to check out

And in regard to problematic bands, to be honest, I try to stay away from any news like that. Sooo, Im not your best resource there. If I like the music, then I like the music. But yeah, due to the trauma of *life* thats just not my fight, ya know?

2. Gonna direct you to *this* post for lace code. But, yes it only applies to ladder laced combat boots. And a LOT of lace code rules are very subjective to your area too. (Example: I’ve never seen the black/white checkered thing.) but having different colors on either side shouldn’t be a problem

3. Every group is going to have either problematic people or some problematic ideas floating around. Thats why it’s important to be able to think critically about things, people, and ideas so that you can form your own opinions. Though, I will say that there is a reason why ‘nazi punks fuck off’ is a commonly see phrase. Punk groups are great! But it’s important to educate yourself of the signs to know when something is *not great*

4. Gonna direct you to *this* post. Its my big masterlist that sometimes gets updated lol. You can find the link to it in my pinned post as well