#like i know thats why this is happening but i never feel like im allowed to say i experience racism cause i look white

[0riginal-catb4rk]

I feel like this.

Im always trying to defend my friends but it doesnt go really well. To the point that i feel useless, worthless, and an idiot. And the most annoying thing is that, whenever i ask them a question abt who's my fav character, they just answer "purple!!" Or "agent smith!" No. Me talking about them or liking them doesnt mean they're my favorite everyday. I know they're my fav's but i have this habit where i change my fav characters in the mood im currently in. And my current favorite is TSC, which means im annoyed.

And i always try to impress my family and friends. I show them my art that i have been working on for hours and even days. And all they say is "oh cute." Thats all what they say. Im not asking for attention. I just want to impress people due to whenni was a child, the person who gets most atfention and best friends was my older brother.

Seriously. When i was a kid, i never had any best friends. While my brother? When he was a kid, he had a bunch of best friends, still happening till this day, its weird how im the joyous one and he's the dull one yet he has best friends while i just stay the same since a toddler.

And my parents always favors him. While me? They wouldnt. Last time it was my birthday and alan released the color gang keychains right? I asked my mother if she could buy it, and she said "no." While my brother? A few months ago. He asked my mom for BeyBlade X which costed $100+ dollars and my mom did buy it for him. And guess what? IT WASNT EVEN HIS BIRTHDAY YET.

My parents would contantly shout or insult me unlike my brother he gets 1 - 3 insults from my parents a year or so. And all he does is throw the trash and play games. While i wash the dishes and do what my parents ask me to do.

My mother also allows my brother to go out with his friends since he was 12. While i cant because im a GIRL. Seriously? I cant hang out with my best friends nor talk to online people because im a girl? I know they're protecting me but they would literally scold me if i ask them if i can go out.

I feel so left out. Its not fair. I dont care if i have to treat my brother more better just because he's older than me. We're only 2 years apart. And plus, he doesnt even care about me, he doesnt protect me/play with me nor help me with something i need help with, yet my parents has the audacity to say "You're always in a good mood when you're with your friends!" So what? Its not like you (my parents) and my brother act the same, its not fair how they would target me and not believe just because im a 'girl' and the 'youngest.' And its not my fault that im like this. Everybody changes throughout stages of ages.

Seriously, even my school friend noticed why im like this before my family did.

@guobahere @curryvo-again @tiny-creaturr @just-a-rand0m-anon @kuyanh @asteroid-fruitcup

Guys what AvM/A character do I remind you guys?

(Do NOT say Purple, me liking and relating to Purple doesnt mean some people have to answer that. It annoys me tbh, not everything abt me is purple and agent </3)

You guys can pick 1 or more characters ig

[s3plan]

theres this ”meme” ive seen a few times thats like ”i think im too autistic for flirting whenever i try it feels like im committing a crime” (<-not the exact phrasing but thats what its saying) and its the realest shit ive ever seen i think id be more of a slut if i wasnt convinced that being into someone makes me like an evil subhuman pervert

[inbabylontheywept]

bad dating stories time: the shoe incident

so in highschool, my best friend wasnt allowed to go on dates unless there was another couple there to keep an eye on him. part of this was his parents being insane, but also, part of it was him being insane. in a problem with no reasonable parties, there are no reasonable solutions.

at some point in my junior year, my sorta-gf broke up with me, and i just wasnt feeling dating, which was bad for my friend, because he had a good thing going with a girl he met in court.

he kind of hounded me about it. kept pushing me to just put me feet back in the dating pool and i wasnt real thrilled about it, because i knew he was pushing me for his own benefit, not mine, so i kept telling him to fuck off, and after a few weeks of being told that i would date when i was damn well ready, he eventually said: okay. what if i paid for the date AND found you a blind date AND all you had to do was show up?

and i shouldve said no, i know, but i let him wear me down, and i will own my fault in that. a date starting on such a stupid premise could never have gone well.

but he still managed to find a way to make it worse.

i dont know how long he tried to set a blind date up. it couldve been multiple attempts. he couldve stooped to this immediately. but what happened in the end was that he called a girl from the ward he attended - a girl that he knew had a giant, mushy crush on him - and he said: hey! how would you feel about going on a date this weekend?

(you know, implying it was with him, but never actually saying it.)

and she said YES WOW I WOULD LOVE TO and he said great! and then he called me up and said he found me a date.

i did not learn about his crimes until several weeks later. i will die swearing before god almighty that i would never have allowed this travesty to happen if i had known.

that was on a monday. the date of the date rolled around that friday evening, and im sorry to confess, i really phoned the whole thing in. i showed up in my favorite comfy outfit, which was also a fashion crime: basketball shorts and flipflops and a baja hoodie. it was super comfy but it made me look kind of crazy. i picked him up first, and then i picked up his date next, and then we went to pick up my date, and thats where you're gonna get the play by play.

i arrived, walked across the yard, and knocked on the front door. she opened it almost immediately, like shed been waiting right by it, and i could see her expression go from OMG IM SO EXCITED to super disappointed, then disgusted and finally pissed. and because i didn't know about my friends sins, i thought it was from my outfit. which seemed... harsh. like, hey, im allowed to be quirky, fuck you. also its a blind date, i thought the deal was that we were both going to be sad broken sacks of mortality.

anyway, we looked at each other for several seconds before she slammed the door in my face.

i looked back at my friend. he was sweating bullets. i dont know what he expected from this, but there was this big long pause where we both tried to figure out what to do, and then the door opened up, and her dad invited me in, and he said she was gonna need a few minutes to finish getting ready, and that in the meantime we could sit and talk.

we did not talk. we did sit. i sat down on the couch, and he sat down in a chair across the couch, and then instead of talking he cleaned his pistol on the coffee table. i wasnt actually sure if it was a threat, or if it was just a fidget thing for 40+ year old republican men, but when i tried to help he got snappy so i just watched him put a pistol back together.

he was okay at it.

eventually my date came downstairs, still mad as hell for reasons beyond my ken, and i felt pretty guilty for being such a mess because i thought that was why she was so angry. i tried to make up for by walking her to the car and getting the door for her, just generally trying to be extra polite, but before i could make it back to the drivers side, her dad called me back to the door. so i flipped around, went to the door, and immediately regreted my decision.

soon as i was within range, her dad got waaaay too close to me, leaned in, and said "whatever you do to her, i will do to you," and my brain went into overdrive making three consecutive realizations.

realization one was, damn, the pistol thing was a threat. that sucks. what an asshole. realization two was, wait, im autistic and even i know theres a 0% chance me and my date even hold hands, least of all boink. does this guy actually think there's even a 1% chance of anyone in that car getting laid tonight? is he an idiot? and then realization three went through, which was wait, is this guy threatening to fuck me? and unfortunately, with my brain doing so much processing, my mouth was left to run amok, so somewhere between realization 2 and 3, i said:

"i can't get pregnant"

which, i swear, wasn't actually me trying to be a smartass, it was just me pointing out that he couldn't actually follow up on that threat. it just wasn't possible. we do not live in the omegaverse and im not scared of you.

still, it was an insanely catastrophic thing to say, and the moment we both heard it, we bluescreened. that single sentence obliterated both of our momentary streams of consciousness like a saltine in front of a sand blaster. problem was, he'd probably gone his whole life not even realizing someone could say something that stupid, and making that realization was going to cost him a lot of thinking time. me though? i had been saying shit like that for 17 years, i didnt have to rewrite my expectations of human nature, i just had to plan an exit and start striding. so i was already halfway back to the car before i heard "hey. hey come back. Hey. Hey. HEY. HEY WAIT. HEY GET BACK HERE. HEY-"

and then i was in my car, and i drove away.

if this happened today, he'd have called her, and the whole thing wouldve imploded then and there, but back then, there were still a decent number of teenagers without cell phones. especially the teenagers of insane, gun toting parents. so she just said: whoa what was that all about? and i said: dont worry about it, he'll tell you about it when you get home.

and she said: ok and went back to staring daggers at me and my friend.

WHICH SURPRISINGLY isnt even how the story ends.

we went to an improv comedy show, and it was a disaster. it shouldve been like, 7/10 tops, but between my date being mad, and my friend having a good time, and me having the existential terror of knowing that a guy with a pistol was probably waiting outside his house for me to come back, it was easily 11/10. i laughed way too hard at everything. especially the jokes that flopped. id sit there in this mostly silent room and laugh until i dry heaved a little, and my date was absolutely disgusted, and even my friend was a little embarrassed, which would just make me laugh harder. i laughed so hard that night i could barely talk the next day. and then the show ended, and my friend said, you know, that was a good time, but i think we should maybe do something a little chiller? who wants to walk around the park? and his date said yeah, and my date said no, and i finally had mercy on the poor woman so i said, look, im gonna drop you off. and i am so, so sorry about this, but im dropping you off like a block away. super duper sorry.

do talk to your dad about the pistols thing if you dont want this happening more in the future tho.

and she said: okay. so i dropped her off, and she walked a block down, and that was that.

then i drove my friend and his date to a park that was good for wandering. i figured they wanted something more private, so instead of following them around point blank, i chose a park with this 30 foot rope tower, and i climbed to the top and i said: hey i can see you anywhere from up here, you are officially chaperoned from a distance. get panopticoned idiot. except my friend really is an idiot, and he didnt really get the whole 'now i dont have to third wheel so insanely hard with you guys' thing so he climbed up the tower too, and then his date followed behind him, so there are three people basically sitting together on top of a telephone pole.

and then they started making out.

i was close enough to hear it.

i didnt really know what to do so i was just kind of sitting there, dissociating, when some college kids came around and started shaking the tower. my friend's date went aaaaaaaaaa im afraid of heights :( and my friend went oh, dont worry, ill hold you tight ;) and i went hey, im gonna climb down and ask them to stop.

so i did climb down, and i did ask them to stop, and they flipped me off, which i wasnt even mad about. at that point i was i was like yeah, it would be weirder if this wasnt a mess. gods plan has been to fly this day like a 747 into my metaphorical twin towers and brother he is close enough for me to see him grinning through the cockpit window. still, eventually the college students got bored, so they climbed up the tower, which gave my friend and his date a window to climb down, and together we walked back to my car.

now, i cant explain why this is, but sitting back in the drivers seat was my carriage-back-into-a-pumpkin moment. i'd been chill about all the chaos, just rolling with the punches, but sitting down made me realize how much of a shitshow the day had been, and while i couldnt go back and fix all of it, i could go back and fix one thing.

so i told my friend and his date, hey, you two, stay here and don't do anything weird. don't. then i walked back to the rope tower, and i started picking up the shoes the college students had left at the base in order to climb.

about halfway through this, i realized that if i took all their shoes, they might think i was in it for the money, and i actually wanted them to know i was in it specifically to spite them. fuck those guys. so i put all the right shoes back, gave myself a 100 foot headstart, yelled "nice shoes, assholes", did a little jig, and started running.

my advice to everyone is that college students are faster than you think. even with the headstart, and the whole climb down the tower thing, i was still only fivish seconds ahead of them by the time i got to my car. i flung the door open, looked in the backseat, didnt see anyone, flung the stolen shoes in the backseat, heard two "ow"s, took that as proof of presence, jumped in and pealed out of the lot.

my friend and his date popped up a few seconds later. they were, uh, doing something weird in the back seat. my one request - obliterated.

they climbed up to ask where the hell all the shoes had come from, and i was like yeah i stole them from the college students, and they were like oh. cool. hope you had fun. and i was like, i did. i did. but speaking of fun, what were you doing back there?

and for the first time in my buddies life, i think he was actually embarassed.

[autisticlee]

I don't understand why so many religious weirdos claim dinosaurs never existed and the bones/fossils dug out of the ground were buried under rock by scientists and then dug back out. it makes no sense at all. does their religion book tell them they were fake? is that what it is? because they seem to love letting some old mistranslated book dictate their entire life, thoughts, feelings, actions, etc. they even make up stuff the book supposedly says to excuse their behavior and justify horrible things, which makes them hypocrites for not actually following their book they claim tells them exactly how to live their lives that they must follow exactly or they will go to hell. but they sure like to pick and choose what they follow and make up new rules. but anyway, why do they hate dinosaurs lmao

[peanutheaddd]

PEANUT YOU CAN'T JUST,,,,TELL US THAT SWAP PETEY DOESN'T KNOW HE CAUSED THE ACCIDENT AND EXPECT ME TO GO ON??? WITH MY LIFE??? WITH THIS INFORMATION????

AND GREG NEVER TELLS HIM???

oh what if he finds out by other means or other people,,,,like nurse lady or idk,,,,petey would never forgive himself (said sadly but with a thirst for angst)

also, i JUST realized the flat tail thing still happens in this lolol i'm STUPID. what happened to the tail? his dad? does greg know?

super Messy comic oops.

BUT THIS IS CRAZY BC I WAS LITERALLY THINKING ABT THIS BEFORE I WAS GOING TO SLEEP LAST NIGHT (thinking abt them 24/7 i fear 👎👎👎) AND MY THOUGHT WAS HE FINDS OUT BC HE MAKES DM GO TO THE HOSPITAL AND THEY ASK HIM WHAT HAPPENED . so were literally like this dawg 🤞🤞🤞

Gonan delve into swap au peteys psyche a little here . but one of swap peteys biggest flaws is that hes a Huge people pleaser . canon petey tries desperately to act nonchalant when he actually gafs, and conversely swap petey is always stretching himself thin trynna appeal to everyone even when he dosent need to (to others' and his own detriment) .

if the moral of the story for canon peteys arc is that he needs to allow himself to love others (a little reductive but bear w me) then the moral of the story for swap peteys arc is taht he needs to allow himself to love Himself . so if lil peteys role in canon is to teach petey how to love and forgive others again, then swap lil peteys role is to teach petey how to value himself and learn how to say no .

anyways all that to say that swap petey cares So badly what people think of him but he cares ESPECIALLY about the opinions of people he loves . and he puts his Everything into being of service to the people he loves (this is how i think about canon dm lol . hes not as anxious as swap petey but i do think most of his actions are motivated by being of service to others) .

it essentially all boils down to swap petey measures his self worth by how useful he can be to other people and the more he loves someone the more obsessed he is with having a higher value in their eyes. in finding out that hes the one who cause dms accident, his perceived worth to dm went immediately into the negatives and that terrifies him . 👍👍👍 he wants his love to be reciprocated so so So bad but because his perceived worth to dm is so shit he fully believes he doesnt deserve any degree of reciprocation . and tahts basically the root of his internal struggle LOL

and yes his tail is still flat ! im not entirely sure why tho bc the reason for his twil being flat is the same reason as it is in canon . and. we dont know the canon reason for his tail being flat . and at this point in the story dm Def doesnt know. i reckon it takes a Long time before petey tells Anyone .

liek i said swap peteys actions are almost wholly motivated by being of service to others and taht includes Not being a source of worry . tahts why in this comic he looks so unfomfrotbale after telling dm he has chronic pains and thats also why he keeps smiling and being reductive of his own pain. he feels guilty for yk. having his own needs and problems. LMFAO. so he def wouldnt open up abt the tail story of his own accord

[gatorbites-imagines]

Dear gator.............I LOVE THE LAST POST WITH WOLVERINE!!!!

Sir.....may we get more of him???? Like the same AU or something else? Like reader is as old ad him and they (mostly Logan) finds comfort in R (his) arms? He knows that someone may live as long as him and that makes him happy as he knows he will outlive most of the x men in some way or another?

LOVE THE WAY YOU WRITE!!!

Logan Howlett x mutant male reader 

Headcanons 

If I remember correctly, I got this request after writing about feral mutant reader and Logan, so thats what im going with. 

Maybe reader has a similar mutation to Logan, healing factor and all, he just doesn't have the adamantium bones. Hes got a quick healing factor though. 

You two being equally old means you two have been together for a very, very long time. It means you two know each other like the back of your hands, and you two can coexist without needing to speak. 

Being feral mutants also helps in that regard, as you two are able to communicate with scents. It has nothing to do with being feral mutants, but you guys can also just grunt or huff, and the other will know what you mean. 

You two are probably kinda codependent after so long together. Sure, you guys split apart for periods of time to do your own thing, but you always end up back together.  

Being apart for longer periods of time make you both itchy. Your friends and allies can always tell when this is happening, cuz you both get extra grumpy and grouchy. 

Having a partner who's been there all along helps keep a lot of memories alive too, because things are worth remembering now. 

Logan will always say he's forgotten the first time you two met, or when he fell in love. But those memories are still clear all these years later. 

Being together for so long also means that you are each other's comfort. Somewhere you can both go and find solace and love when the world falls apart. 

With you not having the protection of the adamantium, Logan will at times get antsy when on missions, especially when he sees you in pain from broken bones or the likes. 

You and Logan will always scent each other. Its a very normal sight in the X-men to see you sitting on the couch, and Logan will stop behind you to rub his chin on the top of your head. 

Or the times where you will snuffle Logans neck and shoulders before you start nibbling on him a little, just to make the scent stick longer. 

Theres no his or yours, and all your friends and allies know this. When it comes to laundry, food or drinks, there is no need to struggle who owns it. Just dump it all in your shared spot. 

This would probably result in Logan having a broader amount of outfits, outside of white tank tops, boots and jeans, since he will wear what you buy and wear. And vice-versa. 

Logans a grumbly guy, we all know that, but he allows himself to be vulnerable with you. 

Being together for so long, and having known each other from the very beginning, means that Logan feels he can be open and himself with you. Theres no need to pull up his defenses for someone whos been with him every step of the way. 

You guys probably have similar trauma and have been through similar things, and you understand one another on a deeper level that cant be matched. 

This is also why Logan allows himself to be such a cuddlebug when you guys are alone in your shared room, or whatever motel you two are staying at. Or even in some cave or tent in the middle of nowhere. 

Aging as slowly as you guys do means you have lost a lot of people, and you will continue to lose people, a fact that never stops hurting. 

But being able to be held by you, to hear your heart and smell your scent, to feel your warmth wrapped around him, makes it hurt a little less. 

And of course, it goes your way too. No matter how much time you two spend apart, knowing that Logan will always be there, waiting for you. 

Even the times where you guys have argued and not seen each other for years, you still accepted each other and just held on. This also just means you two are a lot more protective when things go down, but thats to be expected. 

[opal-owl-flight]

I didnt expect to see Octavio in the Grandfest...and neither did 3, for that matter.

In my interp of the lore, Inkadia is aware of who he is. 3 and the platoon have been fighting for years with the Inkadian powers that be to recognize Octaria as a legitimate nation, for it to be held in equal regard.

That day finally came on the Grandfest. Or at least, the beginnings of it, anyway.

More on the two's convo below!

"Hm! |...Sir Octavio! Im...surprised to see you here.|"

"What. You think Octaria doesnt deserve to celebrate the biggest event in the continent alongside you squits?"

"|No! No! Im...|" they chuckle, a smile breaking across ther face. "|...glad to see that you made it!

But I dont remember arranging a pass for you...|"

"Aah. Well. Your old man pulled some strings. That, and the Inkadian and Splatlandian powers that be invited me themself."

Now 3s surprised. "|...Really?|"

"Mhm. I brought the dome-dwellers up here with me. Look around! Didnt you notice them in your matches?"

Are they dreaming?

They never noticed them at all. It wasnt even like there was much of a difference. For months there have been an increase of migrators and visitors. Allowed to turf. Allowed to stay. Allowed to...

Live in the sunshine.

They stagger, which made the Octarian king hold out a tentacle to steady them. "You alright, bucko?"

3 nods. "|A-a little overwhelmed, thats all.

All those patrols. All those deserters I helped to assimilate. All that struggle they had to go through to escape Octaria-

And now, its just...so...|"

"Easy?"

3 nods again, silently.

"Mmmm. I'll admit though, not everyone is keen on just letting people explore. Not everyone was keen on coming up here for this festival, either.

...too much, has happened for them to trust Inkadia again."

3 hangs their head low. He held their chin and made them look up again.

"...But you. You and your platoon of hooligans. Youve been changing that. You are Inkadians that went the extra mile in understanding us. Listening to us, respecting our decisions. Allowing us to rule our nation as we wished.

It means...a lot. More than you know.

To the point where even those who dont trust Inkadia are at least respecting it from a distance now."

The conversation is cut short by a couple of young Inkfish kids.

"Oaah...its the Octarian king!"

"Hes REAL!!!"

"Of course Im real, squirts! Who'dya think leads all the Octarians?"

"Yeah!!" squeaks another kid, who waddles closer. "Our king is so nice! He brought us up here to play!!"

"Woaah, really?"

"Mhm." He grunts. "Everyone deserves the sunshine."

The kids eyes all shine. Theyve had ex-Octarian friends who spoke much kinder words about the king. It was easy for them to accept the fact that hes just there, grinding wasabi peacefully. Talking to the Inkfish who wants merch. Having generally gruff but...daresay, gentle vibes.

Octavio grunts out a chuckle. "Are you enjoying the surface, little one?"

"VERY!! I made new friends!! The sun feels so warm, ah!! The music! The music!! Oh, so wonderful!!!"

3 smiles again...

"Oooh... wait, I can finally ask!!" squeaks one of the kids. "Mister king, sir! Did you really fight someone called Agent 3???"

3s smile becomes a nervous one. Octavio picks that up immediately.

"Why yes. Little hooligan, that one. Ack! Gave me a headache like nothing else!"

"Did they convince you? To be good now?"

"Mh. Its a little more complicated than that, kiddoes. But I..." he sighs. "...I guess, they did."

"Wooow!!"

"So cool...I wish I could meet them!!"

"Well..."

Octavio sees, from the corner of his eye, 3 making the subtlest movement of shaking their head.

"Its said...that theyre one of the top players in the leagues. If you look hard enough, youll find em."

The Octarian kid looks straight at 3, knowingly. The two other kids notice -- and look at the golden badge they hung around their neck.

"Oh! Oh! Youre a top player, right?"

"Do you think youve met them?"

Octavio is doing EVERYTHING he can to not laugh.

"|...Im not sure. Im not exactly sure what to look for.|"

"Ill help your search, all of you." Octavio grunts again. "What exactly to look for."

3 looks at him, eyebrow raised.

"Theyre ruthless on the field. Whether it be a real fight, or in the leagues. They think on their feet, move faster than most eyes can register.

But underneath that cold efficiency...

Is one of the gentlest, most understanding squids I know."

3s expression changed from nervous to...comfort? Theyre not sure what it is, but its warm.

"Watch for a player who goes out of their way to be nice to kids and beginners. One who's a good sport in the cutthroat top leagues. One who's willing to share their battle tech to anyone, something that most top players keep under wraps.

One who's motivated to help you become the best version of yourself.

No matter how long it takes."

Octavio sees 3s shoulders relax a bit. He smiles.

"Yeah, I may have fought them a lot, back in the day. But now, Id really rather think of them as a friend."

The kids start bickering about which player it could be. The Octarian kid already knew. Shes seen them before, after all. She points at them now.

"Hehee! Maybe you should try looking in a mirror, miss. That sounds a lot like you!"

The other kids stop bickering and take a closer look.

"Huh?? Them? Hmmm...now that you say it-"

"Shes right!!! Its right in front of us!! FOR3VRFRSH! Agent 3!!!"

Octavio grinds one of his wasabi sticks a little harsher on the table to get their attention. "Kids, kids! Remember what the legend says!"

That confirms it!! They shush each other, but are still sqealing quietly. They look up at 3 again, the new info putting the top player in a different light. They threw a glance at Octavio before squatting down to their level.

"Yes," they rasp. "Me and the king...were more friends now...than enemies. Time...passes. People...change.

Remember that, okay?"

"Yes miss! We'll remember!!"

They wink. "Good...now...Stay Forever Fresh!"

Octavio looks on, leaning slightly to whisper to the floating squid jerky next to him.

"You did good with this one, Cuttlefish."

He says nothing, like during this whole conversation. One thought was in his head.

He didnt do that. That...was all 3. They were better than he ever was. He only wished...

He didnt push them as hard as he did.

----------

HOO BOY THATS A DOOZY OF A READ. I didnt PLAN for the beginnings of the acceptance of Octaria to come this early but Nintendo gave me material!! A lot of this is still semi-rough so forgive me if the pacing is whack. I just had to make and write something!!

[p5-apotelesma]

thinking about how ryuji isnt really even like. always Conscious of how self destructive he can be at times?? nevermind how hes always like How can I protect everyone (often at the expense of himself) but like. when he told his former team mates to hit him if that would make them feel better?? likE HE JUST LET THEM BEAT HIM UP??????? CHILD?????

also atlus what The Fuck are you doing what is this writing why is ren just sTANDING AROUND. THE KID WHO GOT ARRESTED CAUSE HE STUCK HIS NOSE INTO A MATTER WHEN A STRANGER NEEDED HELP. WHY IS HE LETTING RYUJI TAKE ALL THESE LS. REN WOULD NEVER

ryuji: tells his angry ex-friends that they can hit him ren: NO?? NOT ALLOWED??

ren would sooner get in the way and risk getting expelled and ruining his future than let them hurt ryuji for something that was never his fault to begin with.

its like ryuji thinks. he can just be a human stress ball, if he makes someone he cares about angry. he isnt always good with words or apologizing so usually he just lets people kick the shit out of him if he thinks he had it coming. like. i have no doubt this kid had worthlessness beaten into him by his dad. emotionally and physically. (nevermind kamoshida) and i KNOW that a kid like ryuji would have tried to take the target off his mom if he could help it.

if hes going to get beat anyway, he might as well have some say over how and when it happens. trying to grasp at ANY control in his life. BUT JUST BECAUSE YOU THINK YOURE IN CONTROL CAUSE YOURE INVITING IT TO HAPPEN DOESNT MEAN THATS THE CASE...

but. god. due to everything hes been through. something in ryuji thinks he deserves more punishment than others for the same transgressions. hed take all the hits cause hey. hes…. good at taking hits.

dont talk to me im AUUUUHWHWAHGGG

[elftwink]

going to say something about writing that is not a complaint and i know it sounds exactly like someone complaining but the conclusion i have drawn is that this rules. preface over am currently "working on" (in the most generous, nebulous sense possible) an original fantasy story & i just keep finding more stuff about the world i need to decide because it feels extremely formative to me even though it will barely appear on the page, if at all

but like... just the sheer volume of communication irl that happens symbolically that you never question becomes so apparent when you try to create a world that doesn't have those things or doesn't have the conditions for such a thing to be created. writing a character wearing a wedding ring and then going wait a minute— would these people communicate marital status via ring placement? why do we do that irl? when did we start? surely thats not the only way people ever communicate marriage— what does everyone else do? and really, come to think of it, what does it mean to be 'married' in this fictional world i'm creating? is there a legal component or just a social one? should it have all the same connotations/obligations as the real world (e.g. monogamy, having children, romantic love, impact on finances, etc)?

you can do this with literally Everything In The World. what language is everyone speaking? is it the same one? how many languages are there in the region i'm writing about? is the language we're speaking anyone's second language? when did they learn? is bilingualism common? and where does everyone here live? speaking of living, is that a permanent dwelling situation or are people nomadic? what's the climate like? are all the characters here used to the climate or is someone used to ten degrees cooler and kind of short tempered because of it? the clothes are probably impacted by the weather, what's everyone wearing? what's it made out of? what would be around here that could be used for dye? help me i have a case of worldbuilders disease and its incurable. these motherfuckers are never going to finish this journey because i cant even get them on the page long enough to pack a cart. also would they use carts? when did we start having cart and carriages pulled on roads irl? if there's roads, who's maintaining them— or is it just the path from years of people travelling that way? does the terrain allow for wheeled vehicles or would some other way be better?

anyway. you may call all this a waste of time and "not technically writing" since i "havent written any prose". i think im just slow cooking this novel. oooooh im thinking about it so much. you just wait when im like 56 im going to knock your socks right off with my intricate detailed world where i thought about everything except whatever element of society you understand most deeply. that part i fucked up and clearly didn't know anything about. sorry

[yothangie]

First date?!… HELL NO

Genre: dad san, husband san, overprotective dad, teenage daughter, angst, fluff at the end

Summary: Your daughter (15) gets asked out, her first date. San doesn’t like it, he doesn’t approve, he is in overprotective dad mode.

Wrd cnt: idk i lost count 😭

Join the taglist Dad ateez Masterlist

"mom guess what" your daughter enters the house.

"remember the guy i told you about"

"i remember you telling me about 2 guys" you replied

"im talking about the guy that dances at dads studio" she clarifies

you nod your head along, pretending that you remember who the guy is.

"anyways, before class ended he asked me out on a date" your daughter squealed.

"oh thats nice, does your dad know? since the boy is from his studio" you asked.

"god no, he cannot know so please don't tell him" she plead

"you know he's gonna find out eventually and he's not gonna be happy" you said

"he's not gonna be happy regardless, he scares all the guys that go near him" she pouts

"I can't be friends with uncle Yunhos son cause dad glares at him"

you let out a small laugh as your daughter pouts.

“you should go freshen up before your dad gets back” you said

your daughter rushes up to her room knowing her dad takes forever in the shower.

———

After a few minutes your husband San walks through the door, a little tense that usual.

“is everything okay?” you said

he sighs and leans over the counter.

“i heard a little rumor at the studio” he starts

You had a feeling what the ‘rumor’ was but you didnt want to give anything away

“what rumor did you here” you asked

“funny rumor, that one of my advanced students asked out MY daughter on a date” he said he almost sounded offended.

“why is that funny” you questioned

“it’s funny because she knows she’s not allowed to date and apparently she said yes”

“did she happen to say anything to you by any chance” he asked

you tried your best to not make it seem obvious but San has known you for years he was quick to catch on.

“no she didn’t” you quickly said.

“are you sure” he raised an eyebrow.

“yeah, she just came and told me about her routine and went to go wash off”

“liar!” he said

“she didn’t do any routines today she practiced her tumbling and tricks”

you looked away knowing you messed up, you pretended you needed something to do in the kitchen.

“she told you didn’t she” san followed you.

he grabbed your arm turning you around, making some heavy eye contact.

“you know i don’t like it when you lie to me” he said

you bite your lip full of nerves, you didn’t want to throw your daughter under the bus.

“yes mom knows and it’s not a rumor”

you both looked over and see your daughter sitting at the table. San let’s go of you and walks over to your daughter.

“so you did get asked out” San said

“i did and i told him yes” your daughter said

“well tomorrow tell him no”

“i’m not, im going out with him” she stands up

“no you’re not, I’m not allowing you” san says crosses his arms

“are you serious?”

“yes im serious and that’s final” san sternly says

“you never let me do anything, you put me in a all girls class, i can’t be friends with uncle yunhos son cause you’re always glaring at him, i can’t even go out with my friends, hell they don’t even ask anymore cause they know you won’t let me i just want to live my life without having you be overprotective all the time” she snaps and storms off to her room.

—

“was i too harsh” San turns to you.

“a little” you replied

“was she right though” he mumbled

“kinda in a way” you ran your fingers through his hair.

“like what”

“well, umm everything” you said

“you can be very overprotective at times, it can sometimes make her sad”

“do i make her sad” san pouts

“you know she tells me everything right”

San slumps on your shoulder, letting out a little whine.

“i just want to protect her, i never want to see her sad and heartbroken” he said

“i know but she’s growing up and eventually she’s gonna have to experience all this” you said

“what do i do? i made my princess sad”

you pulled san away from you, turning him around and pushing him towards your daughters room.

“go talk and apologize to her, that’s all she wants” you advised.

San takes a deep breath before knocking on the door.

“princess can i come in” he says

the silence on the other side scares him, he looks over at you not knowing if he should go in or not, you signaled him to open the door and go in.

He does just that and sees his daughter curled up on her bed facing the wall, he moves closer and sits on the bed.

Your daughter sniffles a bit before turning to see her dad sitting up a bit.

One thing San hated was seeing his precious daughter cry, it’s even worse cause he was the reason for these tears.

“I’m sorry” he engulfed her in hug

“i didn’t realize how overprotective i was until you snapped”

“i’m sorry i snapped at you” you daughter said.

“don’t apologize, you have every right to” San wipes her tears.

“it just hurts to see you grow up, i didn’t think it would be this fast”

“does that mean you’ll let me go out with him” your daughter said, she added her pretty please face san can’t say no to.

“NO! you’re not dating till you’re 30” he pushed her closer to him

“dad please!” she whines

“fine, he’s a good guy and i can trust him around you” he said

“yay! thank you thank you” she squeals

“but on one condition”

“your mom and i go drop you off and pick you up” he said

“deal!”

“and no kissing or hand holding or hugging” san said

“ugh you can’t be serious” she whined.

“do we have a deal” san smirked

“deal”

San let out a big smile hugging his daughter again.

“dad can you please go freshen up”

—————

please comment or use my ask to be added to the taglist my urls are not working 💔

Taglist: @reooreo @starhwahwa @nnnarchives @enbymingi @nvdhrzn @strawberry-cube @jjoongstar @tinyelfperson @soso59love-blog @pai-fe @Kkumiikumii @blackb3ll @marvelfanatic4life @n3neni @everythingboutkpop @taz-97 @aloverga

[liliapleasesteponme]

Bad girl

Lilia x rio x agatha (lithario)

Summary - smut. thats it. smut with no plot

Warnings - swearing, strap, mean!lilia, edging, begging, mommy kink, spanking, denial

Translations (we love sicilian speaking lilia) : amuri = love, lu me ciuri = my flower, cagna = bitch

Taglist - @mgruiz @multixfan @angeliccss @ilovepattilupone @renafisher27 @thegoddamnfeels @delusionalforolderwomen @lilia-calderus-pet-goat @bravewithacapitalb @live-laugh-love-lupone @lotus-ignis @lemz378 @yourbasicqueerie

"fuckfuckfuckfuckkk" was all Rio could say as Agathas hands snaked further around her thighs holding her legs open. Lilia continued to pound into her at a brutal pace.

Neither Agatha nor Rio actually knew why Lilia was being so rough today but neither were complaining.

As Lilia's strap brought Rio closer and closer to the release she was dying for, Agatha began to whine from the lack of attention from either of them.

"aww, you need some attention, amuri ? Has watching me edge Rio gotten you all worked up ?"

Lilia's words were sewn with faux sympathy but Agatha was so needy that all she could do was desperately nod her head. "you know what that means."

If she helped Agatha then Rio would be left on the edge again. She couldn't let that happen again. When it dawned on her what Lilia meant she began to beg in hopes of finally being able to cum.

"Agatha please―please don't ! I need this. I need to cum," Rio turned her head back to Lilia, "mommy please i-im so close"

Rio knew her begging was pathetic. Lilia never took kindly to begging, seeing it as futile, but in the moment she didn't care. Rio became so lost in her thoughts only to be pulled out of them by the sudden feeling of Lilia thrusting back into her.

Her thrusts were so forceful, giving Rio exactly what she craved. Once she reached the edge again, she was going to be to cum but before she could, she heard Lilia say, "what's the word ?"

"mommy."

"go on, lu me ciuri, cum for me."

Rio had never moaned so loud when she was finally allowed to cum, though it was quickly overshadowed by lilia pulling Agatha forward and onto her lap.

"think you can be a whining bitch and not get punished ?"

Agatha stayed silent.

"think again."

As she spoke, she gave Agatha a hard spank making her let out a small squeal. "i want you to count for me, cagna, i thinking 20."

Agatha turned her head to look at Lilia just to say, "yes mommy."

1...

2...

3...

4...

5...

"you see ? This is what you get for being an impatient, needy little bitch."

6...

7...

8...

9...

10...

The tenth spank was harder, making Agatha jump slightly. Rio, watching from the side, let out a soft moan at the scene in front of her.

11...

12...

13...

14...

15...

Lilia smirked at Agathas small whimpers of mercy. "you're doing so well, amuri, just a few more."

16...

17...

18...

19...

20...

A sigh of relief was let out when Agatha was done counting. She felt like she could finally breathe again "now tell me, what was it you wanted so badly ?"

"want you to use your tongue, please ?"

Lilia didn't say anything so Agatha tilted her head as if to ask the question again.

"no."

"what ?" Agatha asked desperately.

"i said no. Considering your attitude earlier, i think i'll make you wait."

[roraslibraryy]

why cant you choose me.

carlos sainz x norris!reader

reader and carlos are friends with benefits as being together is too risky…lando being her brother and all, but is carlos willing to risk it for her…

warnings : mentions of sex, language, use of yn…angsty one also not proofread im sorry😭

you turned over in bed, feeling the presence of the man lying next to you. inhaling gently you smelt his faint scent of cologne as you rolled over under the sheets.

one of his arms moved and looped around your waist, pulling you in gently as he grumbled something. carlos was never a morning person and you knew that, you also knew your brother would absolutely kill the both of you if he found out about your current position…or rather any position carlos had put you in.

when lando first introduced you to carlos as his sister, he made it very clear that there was no way carlos was allowed too close, let alone to date you or god forbid…fuck you.

and thats what made your current predicament even more amusing to you, laying in bed next to a very tired carlos sainz.

you both swore that it was strictly casual, and that you were just two people who had a strong attraction to eachother…you were friends so surely nothing would change right.

but then you’d noticed how his hug would linger for slightly too long when you’d leave after one of your late night rendezvous, how his eyes would soften at the sight of you, how the smell of your perfume would slow his breathing and calm his heart rate.

and you werent one to play innocent either, you knew that you loved it when he’d sit there and play with your hair in the mornings, or he’d pull you back towards him when you’d roll away from him in the night.

which brought your thoughts back to your current place, feeling carlos bury his head into your neck, softly breathing as you thought he’d fallen back asleep, until he kissed your neck gently, murmuring sweet words under your ear, breath soft against your skin, warming it slightly.

“morning mi amor.”

he said, quietly but you could hear the deep and slight croakiness to his voice, he always had it in the mornings.

“mm hi.”

you smiled, moving yourself slightly so you could face him instead of staring off the edge of the bed. his soft brown eyes met yours.

he leant in and gently placed a kiss on your lips, his lingering for a second too long after he pulled away but you werent in a position to correct him. he pushed his head back into the crook of your neck and laid there.

“carlos.”

“hm ?”

“have you ever thought of us…being more than this.”

you blurted out, wanting to ask the question yet not wanting till the worst moment to say it.

“hermosa, you know we can’t…”

“why can’t we.”

“you know what lando would say, he’d kill me.”

“why does he get a say on what happens in my life.”

“mi amor, it’s not worth the risk.”

“why not.”

“landos one of my closest friends, i cant just lose him.”

“but it’s okay if lose me?”

you said, feeling frustration in the fact that he didnt seem to care as much as you did.

“thats not what i said hermosa, of course i dont want to lose you but i really dont think its worth the risk of losing my best friend, why cant we just stay like we are.”

“because i care about you ! and i cant just keep on waiting until you call me on a random tuesday saying to come over for me to able to see you, i dont wanna have to be the girl you fuck when you feel like it, i can’t keep doing this.”

he moved away a little, standing up from the bed where you still sat.

“i can’t give you more than that hermosa.”

“you can’t or you won’t?”

you said tears brimming your eyes.

he didn’t respond, something in his eyes telling you he didn’t want to be in this position, telling you these things but it wasn’t that simple.

“hermosa…”

you ignored him, standing up from the bed and dressing yourself hastily. you grabbed your things.

“yn!”

“no im done carlos , answer my question.”

“you cant give me more or you wont ?”

“i wont, im sorry hermosa but im not risking my friendship with him.”

“then im not wasting any more of my time on meaningless sex when we both know it goes deeper than that.”

you walked out, slamming the door, the sound echoing like a gunshot in the cold air of the hall.

[ofbreathandflame-archive]

utm really establishes a lot of the problems in the series for me. so much goes into establishing rhysand's actions utm as the defining turn of the tide - but in reality, rhysand never actually accomplishes anything from those abusive moments. a lot of them, in retrospect, actually don't make sense, from a tactical point of view. like feyre...dies. amarantha just kills her. so all of the dancing, all of the sa, all of the drugging - none of it accomplished anything. if anything, they undermines the actual efficient ways that rhys does initially help feyre.

for example - rhys scaring feyre from the manor. its such a counterproductive move that i truly don't understand why the editor allowed this to go through. feyre is literally this close towards confessing her feelings toward tamlin and rhysand's visit single-handledly ruined the easiest way out of the curse - which is for feyre to just say i love you. i cannot stress enough that rhysand is literally completely alone. NOBODY KNOWS THAT HE'S THERE AND WHY HE'S THERE. and if they did he is quite literally a daemati; he could be explaining everything while he pretended to enact violence. he literally - and i mean literally- could have pulled tamlin aside and explained to him whats happening utm. TAMLIN LITERALLY JUST WANTS TO TALK TO HIM. as a matter a fact, tamlin and lucien get down on there knees and beg him not to tell amarantha....and he tells amarantha anyway. like - okay he suspects feyre is his mate, she's close towards confessing her feelings, rhysand knows why she's there and what tamlin and is trying to accomplish and his first instinct is to do something that would (1) damn feyre to death (her family lives right by the wall and (2) jeopardize the closest they've been in FIFTY YEARS towards being free from amarantha.

and im not not that it happens - with the right writing and direction, a good writer could get away with it. im mad that the story tries to reinvent those moments as evidence of love and pragmatism when its not. im not mad that rhysand is bitchy and antagonistic toward tamlin, im mad that the story tries to sell those behaviors as anything ing but...antagonism and bitchyness. the story could have literally just leaned into rhysand not being mentally sound and explain that in those moments, he is looking to exert power over tamlin and feyre. thats literally okay and expected given his predicament. him telling amarantha that feyre is a hunter led to her having to face down the wyrm, his drugging of her and taking of her clothes made it so where the hot food she was getting was inconsequential because she could no longer get her food down. he took her out her cell to sexually assault her every night for months and then took her memories away from her so she could even process the violation. she was so tired for dancing in a trance for hours that she was so tired that she couldn't even begin to think about what the the answer to the riddle could be.

[crispyjenkins]

mandalore the young cont.

original post/discussion here! it was just getting really long and i for one hate scrolling so far, so. here's this. have also added this au to my masterlist in my pinned post!

@malcontent-crow

#i had a whole wall of tags and it didnt save! lets try this again#i am loving this. the potential for world building and the consequences of knowing more than you should (literally)

#i had forgotten that DW wasnt in peoples thoughts as a threat during the Clan Wars#and the idea that Pre was so far underground with the movement is a very good thing to remember as well! #on one hand you have this driven and spirited young verd that is inspiring Clans to start reassessing who they are fighting and why#on the other you have this clanless outsider that knows waaaaay too much about all the potential major players and is saying#that this major threat isnt really as gone as everybody thought and hoped. sith parallels out the wahoo for ppor obi#and hes standing there watching them all argue over his head about this threat that he KNOWS needs to be dealt with#he is seeing himself as pretty on par or above with the Old Guard in terms of mental age or prowess or large scale battles#so he sees them doubt him maybe even to his face and knows he'll need to get things started on his own

#and becauae everything in the galaxay has at least one person watching it from the outside... how quickly does the news of a jedi padawan#going off the rails on this mission get out? whos keeping track and who points fingers at the jedi for attempting to control the outcome#of the war of their historical enemies in their favor? the senate (read sith) want mandalore defanged before their war but what does it look#like the jedi want? how does the council answer for his actions? do they condemn or condone him? do they try to stay out of it?

#the world building potential of the Manda and the Ka'ra is delicious.#what does it mean to be a mando or darmanda? can you walk around and have people look at you and know you have failed in your oaths?

#and ouch! Obi-Wan considering the fact that he has never been allowed to be his own person.#from padawan to knight/master and then a general and councilor and sheesh. hes really never had the chance to see who he is as a person#outside of his responsibilities to everybody around him and right now hes a war worn adult in a war worn teens body#hes always had somebody else there. as a battle companion a teacher a student as somebody to protect and guard and guide#and now he has this entire culture looking at him and waiting for his next move. and im guess it still feels like less than a burden than#the care and raising of an entire child on his own. sure he had the temple resources and other jedi to lean on but anakin always looked to#him first to solve any problem or teach him something new or cuddle him after nightmares as hes trying to hide his own dreams#and grief and flounding to find his footing as an independent adult

#so right now hes looking around at the entire mando population and realizing thats he might need to reshape himself again for somebody else#to make himself what others need and knowing he can and will do it if it means saving somebody else

#and when exactly did he come back from the war? did he have satine die in his arms and see the ruin that is madalore after a pacifist reign?#does he see the potential for that ruin to happen right now if he doesnt succeed? where does he see himself in regards to the jedi?#has he considered the consequences of stepping up to be the Mand'alor to this culture he has never seen as his own?#has he let himself think about the choices he needs to make and how some things you cant always come out the other side the same as before?

(following the trend of each of these getting longer, this has hit just under 5,000 words, so just a heads up lol? so much world building is happening in this one)

sorry you had to rewrite so much! that last exchange was cursed, it seems lmao

it's so easy to write Obi-Wan as prescient, or the route I'm going with in Dha Kar'ta, so i think it's a fun change-up to have him knowledgeable for completely different reasons! I'm actually going to avoid visions almost at all for this Obi, but everyone else certainly won't know the difference, and he doesn't tell them otherwise (though he won't encourage it either. I do actually have a Naruto time travel where Nart pretends to be psychic à la Shawn Spencer, so that isn't the route I wanna go for this Obi). the consequences of knowing too much, indeed

hmmm many of these questions depend on how deep into Jedi and galactic politics I wanna go, and I'm not sure it's very deep at all. or at least, not very dragged out. i'll explain in a mo

SO first: yes, this Obi is from after Satine dies, in 19 BBY, maybe a month or so after, but before the bombing of the Temple so before Ahsoka left the Order. He was back on the front, no time to properly mourn, though he was doing his best, and was meditating on the whole war, but especially the Sith and their hand in everything that happened on Mandalore. It went deeper than Maul, he knew, had been going on longer than Maul and even Dooku, and it occurred to Obi-Wan that the Sith either wanted a Mandalore that will side with them but not be too much a threat, or they wanted them not a threat at all. He realised his hand in that, in helping put the New Mandalorians on the throne that led to the demilitarisation of the entire sector. Obi-Wan had practically teed Mandalore up for Dooku and then Maul's interference, and if the Republic won the war, he could all too easily see them doing another excision. won't get too much into it to save it for the fic, but he is mediating with something beskar, and he gets a lil too deep into the Force, and of course this is post-Mortis so...... 👀

so this Obi-Wan, back in time, is helping Mandalore to prevent any more Sith machinations in the future, to change the future for the whole galaxy, but even before he's Chosen, he realises he's also doing all of this for Mandalore. for his own hand in its destruction, for the Jedi's hand in the Excision, for his personal connection to Satine drawing Maul to it. it's for atonement, for reparation, and also because Mandalore deserves to be saved, and Obi-Wan is in a place he can help do that. it isn't just about the health of the galaxy, anymore.

I usually shy away from having Obi-Wan leave the Order, no matter what AU I'm throwing him in because I believe in the fundamental goodness of the Order and the people in it, and Obi-Wan is fundamentally a Jedi, one of the best, one of the best. however, in this case, I don't think he can have his cake and eat it too. if Dooku had to leave the Order to accept his countship, then Obi-Wan would have to leave to become Mand'alor. Jedi are (supposed to be) politically neutral, and Obi-Wan is all too aware he'd nullified his own neutrality the moment he decided to go for Keldabe to find Jango.

one of my favorite... tropes? in time travel fic is Obi using his future fellow councilmembers' access codes to get into things he shouldn't, and he certainly knows how to work the Order's internal systems in his favor, so he

wait so i was gonna have him go in and tender his resignation from the Order directly into the systems, and backdate it for before the Mandalore mission, so that anything he's done on Mandalore so far cannot be blamed on the Jedi BUT WHAT IF he just. deletes himself. like completely. from admin to the Archives to the crèche's own internal systems to the Shadow's private servers, Obi-Wan Kenobi was never a Jedi, was never a Temple bastard, was never Qui-Gon Jinn's padawan. his mission records are all in Qui-Gon's name now, his medical file simply doesn't exist, his crècheling clan is listed as simply having been a person short compared to other clans that year. he goes so far as to delete comm histories with him or mentioning him, it's like Obi-Wan Kenobi just doesn't exist anymore.

he does this first thing after leaving Jango, he spends the entire week back to Mandalore ensuring he's been completely erased from absolutely anything relating to the Jedi, and then uses his future councilmember knowledge (and lessons from Quinlan) to erase himself from Republic systems, too. any planet he'd helped as a padawan will suddenly have no records of him as having been there with his master, so the senate or Order can't subpoena them for the info, though Obi-Wan knows he can't have gotten everything (such as any planet not in the Republic, or who don't have holonet access to their files, or both, like Melida/Daan), but he figures he's done enough to absolve the Order if anyone comes knocking about what he's doing.

he buries his lightsaber in the deserts of Mandalore, not knowing that in his old future, he'd have done the same on Tatooine.

so as far as the Jedi are aware: Obi-Wan went on a mission with Qui-Gon that (predictably) went to hell, got separated from his master for weeks to months, then suddenly changed, at the same time their Jedi with the highest prescience collapsed due to his visions, which have also changed. Obi-Wan left Qui-Gon behind to hightail it through the Mandalore sector, and Qui-Gon couldn't catch up or find him, and then Obi-Wan disappeared from anyone's radars for two weeks. then Qui-Gon senses him reenter the Mandalore system, right before breaking his training bond with him, and the Order wakes up to Obi-Wan completely erased from their systems like he never existed in the first place. everything is going so so wrong, and yet. and yet.

and yet the Force is telling them all that this is right, that this is the least Dark course of action, that whatever Obi-Wan is doing is indeed the Will of the Force

so the Order mourns one of their own, and tells Qui-Gon to let him go. and then the Order ups their cyber security because what.

i think he leaves an unsigned letter/comm message for a few people. Bant, Quinlan, Mace, Feemor, his old crèchemaster, Yoda, maybe Jocasta Nu. it's short, basically thanking them for their hand in his upbringing (Feemor hasn't even met him before so is very confused by this), apologising for leaving abruptly, but to follow the Will of the Force, he had to leave; the first part of the message is all the same, but ends with little individual notes. he apologises to Madam Nu for fucking with her archives and hopes she can one day forgive him; he asks her to keep her friends close and to mend the tension between her and Dooku, that Obi-Wan should not know about. He tells Yoda that the future is always in motion but they must move with it; he asks Yoda to meditate on his dwindling lineages and learn to accept all that he cannot control. He reminds Quinlan to wear his gloves and asks him to thank Tholme for looking out for him when Qui-Gon wouldn't or didn't; he thanks him for their years together, and asks him to check in on Feemor every now and then. He apologises to Mace for all the shatter-points he likely caused and will continue to cause, and suggests he put a permanent reminder in his comm to remember to refill his migraine prescription that sixteen year-old Obi should not know about. He asks Bant to look out for a young Togruta initiate that will join in seven years, and suggests Bant might like the healer track rather than the knight corps; he thanks her for being his longest and most dearly-held friend. He thanks his crèchemaster for realising his visions were more than dreams (which will inadvertently lend credence to that theory for why Obi-Wan changed so suddenly), for supporting him when Bruck was at his nastiest, and for always being someone he could turn to even after he became a padawan. For Feemor, Obi-Wan apologises that they hadn't had the chance to meet before then, and for the relationship they won't have anymore; Feemor has no idea who this message is from, until he starts hearing the gossip that Obi-Wan Kenobi has left the Order again. He too mourns never getting to know his padawan brother.

and Obi-Wan sends Qui-Gon a message, of course, thanking him for his teachings, apologising for "leading him on" as an apprentice, leaving and coming back so many times only to permanently leave this time. he reminds Qui to reach out to his friends and his support system, asks him to at least consider talking to a mind or soul healer about Xanatos (knowing that once it gets out that Obi-Wan is a planetary leader, it will likely badly trigger Qui-Gon), and asks him to at least try and mend his relationship with Dooku, though understands if that's not something Qui-Gon is willing to do. asks him to keep Satine safe, but to deeply think about why the Republic is so intent on helping her faction, and why Qui-Gon had questioned so little of the New Mandalorian ethos.

so by the time Obi-Wan finds the Old Guard, he's broken from the Order completely, has buried his saber, has broken his training bond, has cut his braid. I think he shaves his head entirely to let it grow out at the same rate, because the padawan cut is *Eliot Spencer voice* Very Distinctive. he paints his armour white for, yes, his men, his vod'e, but also for cin vhetin. he can't be the man he was before, nor the teen he was before, neither are who Mandalore needs, and as long as he can stay true to his morals and upbringing, he will be what Mandalore needs him to be.

okay now onto the Manda vs. the Ka'ra vs. the Force. the Force is a scientific concept of an energy connecting absolutely everything in the universe, and the Jedi have a religious view on the scientific concept. for both purposes, the Force just is. I really like the idea of other non-Jedi ideas just being different aspects of the Force, different religions and cultures based on the same scientific concepts. for Mandalorians, their "aspect" of the Force is the Manda, the collective souls of every Mando'ade that's ever marched on. just what it means to be Mando'ade has varied greatly through history, and is varied between different groups even now, but none of that changes what the Manda is, which is an aspect of the Force only Mando'ade can touch. sort of like their beliefs of it being separate from the Force have made it so?

now I haven't really talked about this before, but from the beginning of me writing Mandalorian related things, i've separated Ka'ra from ka'ra, which was a little bit me misremembering there was another term for "stars", and then it became it's own thing. kar, meaning "star", with it's plural kar'e or kare, to me, means physical stars, the way we'd call our sun a star. ka'ra, uncapitalised, is the more poetic and/or spiritual "stars", the way we might say something is "written in the stars", which actually aligns with how jate'kara is spelled; for my writing, i've used this form for Mandalorian Force-sensitives being Star-touched ka'ra-touched. Ka'ra, capitalised, is that "ruling council of fallen kings", the Mandalorian myth and it, the way I've always interpreted it, is a separate part of the Manda made up of specifically the souls of every Mand'alor already marched on. So, Tor Vizsla could have joined the Manda after death, but not the Ka'ra; make sense? all that ka'ra vs Ka'ra worldbuilding was done very early in my writing for star wars, and has since expanded to include the idea of the Manda as something separate, and I would now actually consider Manda-touched over Star-touched to describe Force sensitive Mando'ade, because that's really what I think Mandalorians would consider causes their supernatural powers: ancestors rather than the stars.

so what does that mean for this fic? the Manda is directly influenced by all those that consider themselves Mandalorian, Force-sensitive or not. it is, however, not affected by New Mandalorians, unless they worship the Manda in some facsimile, and I think many, many, many do not, not the way they were raised to. this worship looks different for every clan and every individual, and I've always interpreted it as more of a broad spiritual practice across the whole culture rather than a religion, per se, the way a real-world broader culture might pray at shrines at New Years even if individuals themselves or their family aren't religious. this is what I'm referencing when I say the Will of the People: the alive Mando'ade and their choices and emotions affecting and influencing the Manda, the collective amalgamation of every passed-on Mando'ade, and it's when these two are in tandem that they "pick" a Mand'alor. HOWEVER, such a pick is also up to the Ka'ra, the Mand'alor'e that have all marched on; to one day enter the Ka'ra themselves, a Mand'alor must be "picked" by both the People/the Manda, and the Ka'ra. Tor would be "picked" by a significant part of the People and the Manda, and so would Jaster have been, but (according to me, myself, and i, obviously), only Jaster had been chosen by the Ka'ra. Pre is "Mand'alor" only in name, only in a tenuous loyalty existing in House Vizsla and Death Watch, not even by the Manda; just simple human (et al) loyalty. Jango had a weaker "pick" from the Manda than Jaster did, but was picked by the Ka'ra, meaning if he did not declare himself dar'manda (even just internally; I don't think he's ever said it out loud), he would have joined the Ka'ra after death; if he ever reconnects with himself as a Mandalorian, I like to think he'd have that chance again. Canon Jango, though, who went on to make the clones? Absolutely not.

what does this all mean for Obi-Wan? he'd spent weeks inadvertently drumming up support in the people and therefore the Manda, and maybe most haven't really looked at him and thought "sure I'd follow him as Mand'alor", but they have looked at him and thought "that one has mandokar, that one wants what's best for Mandalore, that one is touched by destiny". I dunno, man, like. Obi-Wan is their hope before he is their leader. That will make all the difference when he does end up uniting them. His searching out Jango had made Jango finally confront that he feels dar'manda, until then he hadn't really lost the Ka'ra's support, but that severs that connection. and now the Ka'ra are without a Mand'alor, but look at that, there's a mandokar'la little idiot right there, already strong in the Manda, already rallying hope and purpose, already so invested in the nurturing and the future of Mandalore, how could the Ka'ra not choose him?

I posed the question previously whether or not Mando'ade can tell who has been chosen to be Mand'alor, and I think I've ironed out what that'll mean for this fic. non-Force sensitive Mando'ade will have this sense when near their Mand'alor, a subconscious and inherent trust in them, and indeed, some will be disturbed by this and fight it. that's alright, that's their right. Some never clock this extra sense, some are aware of it always, some just chalk it up to "gut feelings" and the like. The more spiritual or religious Mandos maybe put a little more stock in this feelings, I think especially goran'e and other spiritual leaders, but the fact that the Manda can technically pick more than one person at a time (like Tor and Jaster, and then Jango), this extra sense isn't a perfect indicator of a properly chosen Manda'lor.

now. what about Force sensitive Mando'ade? Well, the Manda is an aspect of the Force, and is in fact how said Force sensitive Mando'ade connect to the Force, by going through the Manda, first. their relationship with sensitivity is inherently different from others in the galaxy, at least those that connect to it directly. they are the ones that can sense or see if someone is chosen by the Ka'ra, depending on their sensitivity. Some see the ghostly line of previous Mand'alor'e stretched out behind them (like the Avatar cycle lmao), some see a wavering crown of stars around their head, some just sense there is a duplicity (/neutral) to their Force presence that doesn't exist in anyone else. how common is Force sensitivity in Mandalorian space? not fuckin very. Jaster had three in his entire faction of aprox. 2 million (fanon number), at least that were aware they were sensitive. Jango only had a few more, and only because he had gained a couple hundred thousand more followers before Galidraan. so i'll make the nearly-arbitrary number that Force sensitive Mandos are 1 in 1,000,000, across the entire sector. by some calculations, in the whole galaxy at around the time of the Clone Wars the number of Force sensitives is 1 in 5,000,000 but these calculations do not generally include societies and species with a near or 100% chance of Force sensitivity, because we simply don't have the data for it. does this all make Mandos slightly more likely to be Force sensitive than others, by my own numbers? sorta. which i'm making an issue of underreporting, based on Mandalore not being a part of the Republic, and also contention with the Jedi and Sith; they don't consider those Manda-touched to be Force sensitive, and with the way I've built this, they aren't exactly wrong.

for the purposes of this story, there are maybe eight Manda-touched Mando'ade in the Mandalore system at this time, and all but one are goran'e. that single non-armorer is part of the Old Guard. I have the roster for the Old Guard decided, so I'm debating whether the Manda-touched one is Cort Davin (a journeyman protector), or one of the women. Instinct wants Vhonte Tervho, but I have plans for her to be related to the goran Obi-Wan got his armour done by, who I wanted to be one of the seven Force sensitive armorers, soooo. lmao how fucked would it be if Isabet Reau is the Force sensitive one? I like the angst of that, since I definitely do not plan on redeeming her, but I kind of want the only Old Guard that can sense Obi-Wan is Chosen by the Ka'ra to be really quiet and accepting of it, while everyone else is arguing. hmmm I have an unnamed Wren as part of the Guard, that I haven't fleshed anything out for yet; perhaps them?

okay I think I've solidified what it makes a Mandalorian, at least for the function of this fic. it is tied to the Resol'nare, and following it, which does allow those who had Chosen Tor Vizsla as their Mand'alor to technically still be following the Resol'nare, and are therefore not dar'manda. at least not for that. but part of the reason the Resol'nare is even able to determine who has a Mandalorian soul, is because they believe it does. Those alive and those dead influence the functionality and reality of the Manda, which also allows for those pre-Resol'nare to still exist in the Manda. What causes someone to become dar'manda, if they are technically following the Resol'nare?

maybe it's reductive, or over-simplified, or maybe even too broad, but it makes sense to me and allows for many many different types of people to still fail, and this is obviously not the only way to become dar'manda, but one thing that will always strip someone of their Mando soul? treatment of children. caring for children. not harming children. this allows many of Death Watch to still maintain their Mando souls, but still be fucked up awful people in other ways. It allows even True Mandalorians to have lost their souls and not realised it because they otherwise adhered to the Resol'nare, because they'd chosen to interpret "defending oneself and family" and "raising your children as Mandalorians" to not include other peoeple's children. Or maybe they were abusive in the belief they were caring for their children. This would also make every single one of the Cuy'val Dar dar'manda, which I think is a fascinating concept.

to answer your question directly, no, one cannot look at someone and know they're dar'manda, even the Force/Manda sensitive ones. one will only know in death, whether or not they have a place in the Manda.

NOW what does this mean for New Mandalorians?? well, by technicality and the way I've set the Manda up, one can interpret the Resol'nare in ways that could align with New Mandos. Perhaps they interpret "armour" as more than specifically "beskar'gam", maybe they wear armourweave or other protective fabrics. Maybe they interpret "defending one's family" as putting down arms instead of raising them, in order to create a peaceful future for their children. I think there are plenty of New Mandos that technically tick off all the boxes, and believe in themselves and their fellows so much that the Manda is like "yeah sure why not, we'll make that count". I think some tenants are more easily... bent, like swearing to the duchy in place of the Mand'alor, but I think an easy one New Mandos miss, is "speak Mando'a." I think many New Mandos were all too quick to switch to Basic for everything except religious and spiritual ceremonies, and I think those already in the Manda would find that very hard to forgive. I actually get into this a little in Dha Kar'ta very soon, but for this fic, i'll have Satine not outright outlawing Mando'a, but it is socially heavily discouraged. you're not allowed to speak it in the palace unless in aforementioned ceremonies, you cannot fill out paperwork in anything but Basic, you're not allowed to use Mando'a titles (including Mand'alor), you're not allowed to teach it to your children. no outright like. punishments for speaking it in public, but if your kids are caught, there are repercussions, including investigation into how else you're raising your kids, and if you're found to be doing anything else, they can take your kids from you. not every New Mando agrees with this, of course, and go about adhering to the Resol'nare as best they can in secret, but so many do give up the language by convincing themselves it's not as important as the other tenants and, well, the duchy hasn't steered them all wrong yet, has it?

okay so on the subject of what the outside galaxy is seeing. I like the headcanon/trope/idea of like. the one thing all factions of Mandalorians agreeing on is fuck everyone else. oh, the New Mandos will emulate the Core and the Republic, but they aren't the Republic nor want to be, and this animosity extends to keeping as many internal Mandlorian issues just that: internal. no faction can keep news from leaving the system or the sector, obviously, but there also isn't a lot of interest in Mandalorian news? "oh look all the Mandos are fighting again", except that's been the standard for like. actual thousands of years. I like when fic have people outside the sector not evening knowing there are different factions, so I'll be doing that here, too, and I like the idea of non-Republic sectors having their own holonets, separate from the Republic one. so like, if Obi-Wan happens to go a little viral during his mad dash to Keldabe, that would be on the Mandalorian holonet, not the Republic one, so even if Obi-Wan was visibly still a Jedi (and he wasn't), actual news of him wouldn't reach the Mid and Inner Rims until like. possible years after it happens.

could this maybe be expedited by Sith machinations? absolutely, though I'm not sure I want to go that route, since I don't think the Sith are overmuch interested in Mandalore at this point, at least not in any hands-on capacity. I'm unclear on whether them funding Death Watch is fanon or not, but it is a headcanon I subscribe to, and I think they'd have stopped funding DW after Galidraan, to cause worse infighting and prevent DW from gaining enough power to actually restart their imperial conquering days. Palpatine has been senator for about ten years by this point, but has very little political power overall, and Demask would be looking basically anywhere but Mandalore at this point in time, both of them having written it off until they actively need something from the sector. if anyone had clocked Obi-Wan as a Jedi, this all would have gone very differently, news would have spread much further and quicker and I think undoubtedly would have reached Palpatine, but since I have Obi-Wan just... cutting ties to anything Jedi, news of him remains in-sector. is this perhaps unrealistic? maybe, but I kind of want to focus on Mandalore and not worry about galactic-wide politics for once, lmao, actually very much like Obi-Wan is doing. however, he will clock a lack of Sith interference and thinks That's Very Weird.

haven't decided how he finds Palpatine out yet, but I think it'll have to do with his Manda senses being different than his Force ones, maybe the Ka'ra even gives him a few tips or gifts to sense Sith since they've allied and fought with them so much in the past. regardless, that'll be after he's become Mand'alor and united the clans.

now to actual plot progression! Obi-Wan meets up with the Old Guard, they don't know what to make of him other than "he's kriffing weird. and young. and creepy. and probably Manda-touched." whatever other verd is Manda-touched will see him blessed by the Ka'ra, which causes them to look inwards more closely and realise they trust Obi-Wan inexplicably, which means they're blessed by the Manda and the Will of the People, too. they wonder if Obi-Wan has noticed, if any of the other Old Guard have noticed. they are one of a few that notice Obi-Wan sneaking back out while everyone is arguing.

Vhonte Tervho is another. She's at this lil summit to represent clan Tervho, tho isn't the clan head, because her ba'vodu, a Manda-touched goran, had sensed she needed to be at the summit. said ba'vodu is of course the armorer who reforged Obi-Wan's armour (need to find a name for them hmm), who had told their clan they were to cease fighting until their new Mand'alor called on them. Vhonte sees Obi-Wan, realises at the same time as everyone that he's the Kih'Manda, the Mand'ika that the entire system had been gossiping about for weeks, and she thinks of what her ba'vodu said. she looks inwards, like they had taught her to, and finds, yes, she trusts Obi-Wan, just like she used to trust Jango. And, well, her Mand'alor is obviously leaving to go do something, and she isn't going to let him go it alone.

the Manda-touched verd doesn't go with them, wanting to see what comes of this, but they already know Obi-wan is Ka'ra Chosen. they will come when he calls.

[chrxsprettygirl]

TW: depression, SH, SA, ED, shitty ppl, suicidal ideation?

Being depressed with a hypocritical ass family is so weird. I’ve been depressed since i was 12 and only recently got diagnosed, all those years it’s “ur being lazy” “ur rude and disrespectful” “ur wicked” “ur dramatic”, but all of sudden it’s “omg I always knew something was wrong” girl Ill bitch slap u all the way to fucking Africa dont play wit me. The amount of times yall degraded me and making me believe I’m the worst person to walk this earth is ridiculous if u ‘always knew something was going with me’, you don’t tell a 13 year old whose by the way going thru puberty and learning to deal with her emotions that she’s ‘a burden’ or ‘too much to handle’ thats so wrong. I remember the first time I self harmed, I was so overwhelmed and when I blew up yelling n fucking screaming u would want to tell me “your a child what the fuck do u have going on to be depressed or have anxiety” have u not been a teenager? When I told u what the fuck was going on ur response to me was “how was I supposed to know that if u never told me” BUT I DID THO WHEN I WOULD REFUSE TO INTERACT WITH THE PPL INVOLVED? WHEN I WOULD SHUT DPWN EVERYTIME I WAS AT THE PLACE. But it’s not only that YOU FUCKING LIVED WITH ME HOW TF DID U MISS THAT????? When I finally admitted I was sexually assaulted for the first time when I was 6 for 2 years YOU DID NOTHING. All u did was cry to make me feel like u cared but he never went to jail. He is walking free as we speak. He is still allowed to interact with me and other little girls. WHYYYYYYYYYYY. When I told you ur friends kids were threatening to rape me when I was 10 YOU DID NOTHING. When I told u my cousin was blackmailing me to have sex with him IM THE ONE WHO GOT PUNISHED WHYYYYYYYYYY? When I told u ur boyfriend is asking me to send him pics in ur lingerie at 15 fucking years old u never spoke to him? And I’m supposed to be grateful for him? Im supposed to do shit for him? Im supposed to hang out with him like nothing ever happened? Ur a fucking hypocritic. U would hit me when I ate more food than usual I WAS A GROWING CHILD ITS A NORMAL FUCKING THING instead u made me have an unhealthy relationship with food. At 10 years old I stared starving myself NO 10 YEAR OLD NEEDS TO EXPERIENCE THAT. I STARTIED CUTTING MY SELF AT 12 EXCUSES MEEEEEEE?And when u found out ur reaction is “why are u doing that? Stop it”, hell my first suicide attempt I was fucking 11 but u didn’t know right? And when all the sadness turned into rage ur fav thing to do was berate me for being “a miserable angsty teen” “ur being rude” maybe if u paid enough attention it would have to get to that point. All the signs were there but u all ignored them. And after all that n I go out of my way to get my diagnosis Yall wanna act all sympathetic in my face y’all are fucking hypocriticals and that’s why I don’t like going to see y’all. At the of the day I was the child you were the adult. U should’ve known better. Go fuck yourself.

Sorry

[xaila-space]

SAMS rant

Dont come after me, this kinda seems like me defending nexus but meh. If you dont like it or if you cant discuss in a respectfull manner then dont bother to see or talk about it.

---------

Im kinda questioning if anyone told solar or moon about nexus being locked up

Heck i dont even know if lunar or earth knew about it.

The only one who know about this are Sun, Monty and Jack.

I believe Jack thinks that solar already knows and if not then idk.

Here is what im talking about (Recap)

Nexus was planning to kill either bloodmoon or ruin to change their dimensionl energy with solars so solar has a "spot" to fill

Nexus chose bloodmoon for that "sacrefice" and everyone was against it. Saying that solar wouldnt want him to kill someone for him,that it is a bad idea and all. After a while they saw nexus as a "threat" (ig) so they had to take action. Puppet let Sun do something cause nexus is his brother and sun has the right here to "choose" what to do with him. Sun proceded to lock nexus up in a cell commanding the computer to shock nexus whenever he tried to escape. Later on monty came by to check out if moon was retrievable and if he wanted to come back, nexus told monty he wasnt allowed inside his head , that didnt bother monty tho. He commanded the computer to shock nexus until he was uncouncious wich it did. Monty talked to moon inside nexus's head and both agreed on getting moon out was the best option here.

K so that happened.

Here is what i got to observe

Moon comes back, apolegized to sun. Sun tells moon about everything that happend. Just kinda in short.

I mean sure maybe sun left some stuff out, probably some stuff that made nexus seem like a victim here. Obviously moon isnt gonna question that, he trusts his brother and believes his word over others. I mean all moon knows is that nexus had so many thoughts at once and then suddendly it was silence. So i think he tried to put two and two together with what he heard and his conclusion, "yup, that guy went insane".

Thats practically mooms forst impression of nexus.

Minus him being able to personally talk to nexus inside their head, he briefly got to see how nexus WAS like.

Solar on the other hand CLEARLY wouldnt just take anything for an answer.

Seeing his reaction solar obviosuly wanted to know EVERYTHING that happened. Here is why i think sun didnt tell him about nexus being locked up. Solar would NEVER just brush that off as if its a normal thing. Solar once mentioned that he dosent like rooms (ep. When he first came to that dimension asking nexus if he could move in) and that was told in a way of like idk kinda giving off that he was probably locked inside a room or put inside a room to be "abused" by his moon (since some people theorize that and it sounds like something that could have happened im gonna be assuming it actually happened). So as someone who was locked away himself he wouldnt just see that as something you can do to everyone. I mean sure sun probably told him that nexus had a breakdown for solar, nexus went insane for solar, nexus wanted to kill for solar but never have i EVER seen sun mentioning nexus was treated like shit. And yes people could say "but maybe he said it off screen" MF SOLAR WOULD STILL NOT SEE THAT AS A GOOD THING. HELLO?

As messed up as it sounds and idc if people hunt me down for this. I feel like sun only mentioned the parts that makes HIM sound like a victim here, and nexus as the bad evil guy.

Yes maybe i am getting to far with this but ot really just seems like the only logical thing for me.

Speaking of logical

People say that when moon put sun in that magical box was a bad thing. But when sun does it to nexus its suddendly a good thing? Sun also almost went through slme sort of search for one person to KILL and we justify that but when nexus does it it suddendly people are like "yeh you cant do that, killibg is bad bohoo"

And trust me i am seeing it from both sides, Sun KNOWS how bad that feels like and STILL did it to nexus. Thinking its a good thing, are you fucking kidding me?

So as long as the "hero" of the story does it its suddendly justice? But when someone else does it then its "yeh no thats an evil guy"

This really angers me so much.

Maybe i really am just overthinking it but i cant think of any other way this could have gone.