#like i keep 75% of my emotions and issues to myself (and maybe thats not the healthiest way to do it 🫠)

[scootatwoni]

It's crazy that people read the words I write

[corpsegold]

got a self help book for narcissism lol. its pretty good actly. did the tests inside, got a score thats just a bit over the "woopsie ur a narc" boundary. Feel ok about it tho. Met a woman during a bender a while ago and was talking to her about it all. She was significantly worse than me. Going through the questionnaires made me realise which aspects of it are issues and which ones arent. Theres a lot of overlap with autism and addiction. After the questionnaires it goes straight into talking about childhood emotional neglect which was kinda mind blowing. Feels validating

I feel less like its the end of the world now. I know that I'm not inherently a bad person, its just gonna be more difficult for me to be a kind person than it might be for other people. Its nice to see what things I need to learn how to manage, and that it could be way WAYYYY worse. It feels good to be able to undertand myself. Its like I need to put a lot more effort into securing and regulating my self esteem. Like eating properly, or sleeping well, I gotta try to manage that, and then itll be easier to be nice to people and not want to die

being a narc doesnt really change anything. I always had these issues. Like getting the label just means I understand why, and its not all the end of the world. I can be more sensible about myself now and hopefully make less chaos.

the book said that like. when youre a child you make these barriers to block of emotions, and thats why you cant have compassion for yourself as an adult, or for anyone else. You find it really hard to empathise because those parts are locked away, but theyre still there and you can get back in contact with them, it just takes loads of work and is really painful. Which is neat tbh

I've felt like I only have 75% of a soul for a long time. Its nice to think that I'm still a whole person inside, its just that parts are locked away. When I was reading the emotional neglect stuff, bits of memories were coming back. It was weird to notice that a tiny part of me felt an impulse to cry over it, but it was really easy to quash. It was like there was a placeholder emotion there. There was an emotion, like a subdued tension, but it wasn't uncomfortable. It was like actually feeling the wall.. kind of like "oh yeah I have feelings about this but I'm actually genuinely not feeling them right now" like I didnt have to. It wasnt hard or anything. It wasn't really numb either. Just muted. placeholder

So yeah I've definitely got some narcissistic pathology that gets in the way of being functional, but it could be WAYYYYY worse. Its nice to feel like its not my fault for once? idk if that makes any sense. Its nice to understand that I might never get to be happy, but I can maybe find moments of peace. Its unrealistic to be able to live the life I want to, or to ever be satisfied, but I can get better at regulating and be a nicer person, and then existing might not be so painful

I think its going to be a long road of practising listening and gratitude and keeping things simple. None of those come naturally to me AT ALL. and then maybe it'll be possible to not have to always use myself as a map to understand the rest of the world or other people. Or to not always have to see myself through a lens of success and failure. If that's all that I know how to do, and I use myself as a map, then it makes sense why I'm like this . but mb it wont always have to be this way

[i-amusemyself]

1 To 116.

Thanks anon!! Thats my boredom cured for the evening

1: Let’s start with a tricky one; what is the real reason you are confused right now?

I’m actually not confused right now, which is a bloody rarity. I suppose I could say I’m slightly confused about my gender, but I try not to think about that tbh

2: Do you ever get “good morning” texts from anyone?

Occasionally, though to be fair I’m never awake in the mornings atm lmao

3: If your significant other smoked pot, would you care?

On a rare occasion? No. All the time? Probably.

4: Do you find it easy to trust others?

Fuck no lmao have you met people?

5: What were you doing at 11PM last night?

Umm...I was with my bf..

6: You’re drunk and lost walking down the road; who is with you?

Probably my mate from uni @bookdragonphoenix

7: What would you do if you found out you had been cheated on?

Instant break up. No excuses for that.

8: Are you close with your dad?

Hoo boi that’s complicated! It varies honestly, but more so than some people I guess

9: I bet you kissed someone last night, right?

Yeah

10: What are you listening to?

I’m listening to Ke$ha’s Die Young. It’s a tune okay?

11: You can only drink ONE liquid for the rest of your life - what is it?

Coke Cola (that is how you spell it right? Fuck im dumb). I live off it anyway tbh

12: Do you like hickeys?

Um, I like getting them but I get embarrased if some people see them lmfao

13: What time do you go to bed?

Like 12am? Usually about 2 hours after I’m tired enough to sleep smh

14: Is there someone who continuously lets you down?

Besides me? I guess a couple of people that are...distant friends and possibly a few family members, not to call anyone out

15: Can you text as quickly with one hand as you do both?

Well no lmao

16: Do you always answer your texts?

90% of them

17: Do you hate the person you fell the hardest for?

I don’t know who I fell the hardest for. I don’t really recall past emotions that well.

18: When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends?

Todayy

19: Is there someone that makes you happy every time you see them?

3 or 4 people yeah!

20: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night?

Fuck me I don’t know. Probably ughhh can I fall asleep pls

21: Is anyone else in the room with you?

Nope. I havent even seen another human today lmao

22: Do you believe what goes around comes around?

To an extent, but it’s not always guaranteed unfortunately

23: Were you happier four months ago than you are now?

Fuck no lmao

24: Is there someone you wish you could fix things with?

That depends on the definition of fix. If it solely relies on me doing things different, then no. But if it means someone else can themselves be fixed, sure.

25: In the past week, have you cried?

Nah, wish I could though I feel like I need to

26: What colour is the shirt you are wearing?

Grey

27: Do people ever call you by your last name?

Not people I see anymore

28: Is anyone ignoring you right now?

Don’t think so. I think people are just busy.

29: Do you have a best friend?

I have multiple

30: Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the last person you kissed?

Very :/

31: Who was your last call/text message from?

@oneshappyplace bc she loves it when i throw random shit her way and vice versa

32: Are you mad at anyone?

I mean besides the people I have long term issues with? Nah

33: Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

Haha yeah

34: How old will the last person you kissed be on his/her next birthday?

20. Oh jeeeeesus christ that’s a scary fucking thought. Nope-ing away from that.

35: How many more days until your birthday?

8 months ish?

36: Do you have any summer plans yet?

I’m going away to quite a few places. There’s more I want to do but I don’t know if it will ever get organised.

37: Do you have any good friends of the opposite sex?

Besides my bf, not good ones. 

Edit: I completely forgot about one of my friends, yes I do

38: Are you keeping anything from your best friend(s) now?

Not intentionally. Idk. Don’t ask don’t tell I guess.

39: Do you have a secret that you’ve never told anyone?

Yeah bc it aint anyones business

40: Have you ever regretted kissing someone?

I don’t think so. 

41: Do you think age matters in relationships?

To an extent. Massive age gaps are weird, especially if one of them is hella young

42: Are you available?

Nein

43: How many people have you had real, strong feelings for since high school ended?

2

44: If you had to get a piercing (not ears), what would you get?

Eyebrow piercing

45: Do you believe exes can be friends?

I guess? I mean I probs couldn’t do that but I guess for others 

46: Do you regret anything?

So fucking much omfg

47: Honestly, what’s on your mind right now?

How shit I am at communication. I’m really starting to get mad at myself and wonder what the fuck is wrong with me.

48: Did you ever lose a best friend?

In a way, yeah

49: Was your last kiss a mistake?

No

50: Why aren’t you pursuing the person you like?

I...am ig

51: Has the last person you kissed ever seen you cry?

Yup

52: Do you still talk with the person you LAST kissed?

Wow this is relentless with the kissing. Yah

53: What was the last thing you ate?

An orange

54: Did you get any compliments today?

Nope

55: Where are you going on your next vacation?

Suffolk for latitude festival. How I ended up going there is a long story lmao

56: Do you own anything from other countries?

Tons of stuff I guess. I mean I’m wearing my ohio state tshirt haha

57: Are most of your friend guys or girls?

Girls

58: Where have you lived most of your life?

In the middle of england

59: When was the last time you took a long drive?

Fucking hell, like 7 or 8 weeks ago when I came back to uni

60: Have you ever played Spin the Bottle?

Who hasn’t?

61: Have you ever TPd someone’s house?

Nah 

62: Who do you text the most?

Probably @oneshappyplace or @apricot-el they get all my bs

63: What was the last movie you saw?

It’s called Chronicle, it was p good

64: What’s preventing your current boyfriend/girlfriend from going back to their ex?

Don’t fekkin ask that lmao! Hopefully the fact they’re happy and their ex is now miles away

65: How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have in 2011?

Zero

66: Is the last person you kissed younger than you?

Nein

67: Do you curse around your parents?

Yeah, much to their dislike

68: Are you happy with where you live?

Yeah, but I’m only here for 3 more weeks

69: Picture of yourself?

No chance. Just imagine stereotypical androgenous kid, but lanky af

70: Are you a monogamous person or do you believe in open-ended relationships?

Personally I prefer monogamy

71: Have you ever been dumped?

Um...I actually can’t remember

72: What do you most like about making out?

Feeling wanted ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (sweet sweet depression and anxiety)

73: Have you ever casually made out with someone who you weren’t seriously involved with?

Nah

74: When you kiss someone for the first time, is it usually you who initiates it or the other?

Strangely enough, me

75: What part of a person’s body do you find most attractive?

I cannot seriously pick one part

76: Who was the last person you talked to last night before you went to bed?

You guessed it it’s @oneshappyplace

77: Had sex with someone you knew less than an hour?

I mean I’m alone

78: Had sex with someone you didn’t know their name?

Nope

79: What makes your heart flutter and brings a big cheesy smile to your face?

Just cute unexpected gestures I suppose

80: Would you get involved with someone if they had a child already?

I mean, maybe not currently but who knows if I was older

81: Has someone who had a crush on you ever confessed to you?

Yeah

82: Do you tell a lot of people when you have a crush?

Just my closest friends and the person I have a crush on *eye roll*

83: Do you miss your last sweetie?

No

84: Last time you slow danced with someone?

Years ago

85: Have you ever ‘dated’ someone you’ve never met?

I mean I’ve met them now but yes 

86: How can I win your heart?

Be a kind, understanding human being with a damn good sense of humor

87: What is your astrological sign?

Libra

88: What were you doing last night at 12 AM?

Bothering friends lmao

89: Do you cook?

Occasionally. I used to a lot more but depression

90: Have you ever gotten back in touch with an old flame after a time of more than 3 months of no communication?

Yeah, but it only ever seems to be me making the effort, so every time I’ve let them go again

91: If you’re single right now, do you wish you were in a relationship?

see like all previous answers lol

92: Do you prefer to date various people or do you pretty much fall into monogamous relationships quickly?

Monogamous stuff

93: What physical traits do you look for in a potential interest?

I honestly don’t know. I can never figure out my type, just, hotness lmao

94: Name four things that you wish you had!

Dopamine, money, the power to help others more...thats it thats all I want

95: Are you a player?

Nein

96: Have you ever kissed 2 people in one day?

Nope

97: Are you a tease?

I can be but not in a cruel way

98: Ever meet anyone you met on Tumblr?

Two people and we’re still close

99: Have you ever been deeply in love with someone?

That’s a loaded question yikes. I dont know.

100: Anybody on Tumblr that you’d go on a date with?

I mean I don’t know their tumblr but yh

101: Hugs or Kisses?

Both. I can’t choose. I’m bi.

102: Are you too shy to ask someone out?

Probs idk

103: The first thing you notice about the opposite sex?

....their face?

104: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you babe?

Sure

105: If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was in relationship, would you go for it?

Not until I knew wtf they were playing at

106: Do you flirt a lot?

I’m hopeless at it

107: Your last kiss?

Yesterday

108: Have you kissed more than 5 people since the start of 2012?

I haven’t kissed that many people, full stop.

109: Have you kissed anyone in the past month?

Yikes see 107

110: If you could kiss anyone who would it be?

The bae tbh

111: Do you know who you’ll kiss next?

I have a p good idea

112: Does someone like you currently?

I fekkin hope so

113: Do you currently have feelings for anyone?

Yeah lmao

114: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings?

Serious shit 

115: Ever made out with just a friend?

Once when drunk 

116: Are you happier single or in a relationship?

In a relationship, for sure

[quieteveningsxo]

I’m not sure how to explain how I feel the last couple of days. Its been very confusing and I dont know whether I am happy or not. 

I had a very tough night on monday. I was going through a breakdown with the things that were unfolding. Listening to different perspectives made me very confused. And I couldnt figure out what I wanted to do or even the right thing to do. With the situation at hand, nobody is considering what had happened to me and how I am feeling. I understand his condition is severe and he is in a fragile state. But I can’t help the way I feel and I can’t help control my emotions when I am hurt. I felt unwanted and unloved and I was just expressing my feelings combined with what happened about 1.5 weeks ago. And it made him upset to the point where he shut down with me and stopped replying. He seek comfort elsewhere. It bothered me of course. It made me uncomfortable and it hurt my feelings. I needed him as well but he was not there for me. Am I selfish? Maybe. But I am human and I have feelings.

Not sure what made him change his mind about seeing me. But he texted me the next morning asking to see me soon. Taking Lance’s advice and coming to see him instead, I did. Was it a good choice? Well. I hope it was. He needed help. And I didn’t want someone else to give him the help I could give him. 

Lance told me I was able to calm you down. Help you release stress. Apparently I did so when Nikki left. I wanted to be your stress reliever instead of a stressor in your life. I want you to be well. So that night before I felt asleep, I had decided to put my feelings aside. I am still angry and hurt with what happened that night. But your well being is more important. I will hold you when you need me. I will whisper the right words you need to hear. I will give you the support you need my love. 

When I came to pick you up. You looked stress. Sad. Unable to control your crying and tears. I’m not sure why you cried. Was it because of your doctors appointment? Was it because you missed me? I felt uncomfortable seeing you. With everything that happened, I wasn’t sure how to approach you. You tried to hug me and kiss me. I moved away at first but eventually give in. You have that effect on me. You bastard lol. 

You told me it was 2018. I’m assuming you went back in time to when we first started dating and things were going well then. You did not know you were in Bakersfield. You couldn’t even remember what we have decided to eat 2 hours ago via text. It was very strange and I don’t know how to react to it. I admit, I was a little impatient at first. I was frustrated with you because you could not remember. But you can’t control it and I had to remind myself that I am here to support you. We went to get dinner and in the middle of dinner, you seem to stop. Looked into space for about 10 seconds and snapped back to 2020. You asked where we are at. I said we are having dinner at the roadhouse. And I knew you came back. I asked if you missed me. And you could me this very serious look and said yes. You had realized I had left a week ago. And things got bad. And you hugged me and told me you were glad to see me. 

The next couple of days were to catch up. Lance and Russell acted like we didn’t just have a screaming match at each other a week ago. And were happy to see me. Well Russell was. My feelings are still sore from Lance’s phone call. He was a bit heartless, selfish (I guess for good reason: for you), and unconsidered of my feelings. But I was not there for Lance. I was there for you. 

Although the short time with you was strange. I was gentle with you. I tried to be as loving as I can. Tell you its going to be okay. Help you reorient yourself. Do things with you so you don’t just sit and overthink. We made love many times. It was wonderful. I missed it. I missed being with you in bed and holding you. Being away from you for that one week was very tough. I was glad to be back into your arms. But of course, I can’t pretend that things are well between us. We made act like we are back to 100 with the intimacy and the laughing and kissing. But our relationship is not 100. We had put things on hold. Our problems and trust issues on hold because of your health. I’m not 100 percent sure I want to fix things with you. Maybe 75 percent. A part of me thinks its not worth fighting for a broken relationship. Especially a relationship that has been broken repeatedly the last couple of months. We glue and tape the pieces back together but it just continues to crack as time goes by. 

I am very uncomfortable with the fact that you turned to your ex girlfriend for help. Yes I understand why you did it. But with the constant phone calls and texts, it seems a lot more then just work stuff. It seem personal and that you were enjoying her company. And you were replacing my absence attention with hers. I have to remind myself that there is a reason why you two are no longer together. But I don’t like how close you two are becoming. Who facetime for hours? Who calls each other until their phone dies? Who calls each other 30-45 mins at a time multiple times throughout the day? Only couples or people who are interested in each other. Yes you reassure me she has a boyfriend and that you did nothing wrong. But with your history, I can’t believe you 100 percent. 

I am getting very tired of having to worry about you with other girls. If you really love me, I wouldn’t have to worry. But I do because of your actions. Although I had claimed not to put a label on our relationship, its hard to stay neural and ignore whats right in front of me. I am kissing you. I am holding you. I am having feelings and love for you. I can’t just stop being jealous. 

With me being gone, I am a bit even more worry. I reminded you to be professional with her and put the calls and texts short and simple. But with your blackouts and lost of time, I’m afraid you will get confused and not keep your promise.... and when I find out, you will say “I dont remember” or “it wasn’t me”. Thats not an excuse to hurt me my love. I hope you realize the importance of my request and remember to keep them. You dont need her for support. I am here for you. I found a clinic for you faster then she did. She had days to help. I helped you in 10 mins. It was not just professional.. she wanted your company and attention and so did you. 

Typing this all out did not help. It made me concerned and confused even more. My thoughts are all over the place. I don’t have an action plan. I don’t know what is going to happen. And its quite scary. I don’t want to cry anymore. I want to be happy. I hope you can make me happy. I hope you can help me as much as I am helping you. Please. That is all I am asking. 

[withloveishi]

Weight Watchers Got Nothing On My Anorexic Approach to Weight Loss

     So, #bodypositivity amiright? I know some people know that I was anorexic (like 5 years ago), and very few people know what may story was, so I’m gonna relay that now. DISCLAIMER (kinda): If you think I’m doing this to get likes and pity, I’m not even going to drag you, cause you can go drag yourself. Honestly, fuck you. 

    In 2011, I was 75 pounds. WHICH doesn’t seem like a lot, but when you’re only 4 feet tall, you look like a walking minion or some shit. I was just living my life as a normal failing middle schooler, but it was around the end of sixth grade where I started to become really conscious of my weight and how i looked. Most of this came from some family verbal abuse of my weight, as well as not knowing how to be positive about my body. So, I began to loose the weight, but like really fast. We’re taking like the Flash being fucking electrocuted fast. During the Summer of 2012, my family did a lot of hiking, so I took advantage of the exercise. My thought process was (and this was when I was not educated in how fucking nutrition works), to burn a lot of calories with a lot of walking, then eat like nothing. To give some perspective, my family and I would start hiking around 10 AM, then come back at around 4 PM, and all I would eat that entire day would be a slice of bread and a bowl of rice. Any sort of hunger pains I had felt, I would just sleep away. Initially, it was really hard to feel that hungry and keep living, but after like a week I got so addicted to how happy I felt to loose so much weight, and to “be less fat”. Even at home, I would limit myself to one bowl of rice a day and like some sort of salad without dressing. 

     Just like every one of these stories, it doesn’t get better quite yet. After about a month and a half, I had lost about 13 pounds off of my 4 foot body, and I because really addicted to seeing how skinny I had become. I vividly remember measuring how far my stomach caved in under my rib cage. But just because I was addicted to it doesn't mean I was happy with my body. I still hated the way I looked and felt. But I felt like at this point, I was too far in to the process to give up and just start eating again. Also at this point, my parents started to bully me at how awkward I looked now that my “head was way to small for my body”. Instead of realizing that I was probably anorexic, they continued to bully me, just on the flip side. 

After about a year of trying to loose weight by being anorexic, my mom took me to go see a nutritionist (I think after about a year she was catching on), who basically confirmed that I was massively underweight. She basically told me to eat more, which I refused to do at first. But then soon go tired of trying to be hungry day in and day out, and slowly began to incorporate more food into my diet.

I realized much later on that, the fuel that kept me going to do this crap every single day to myself was not how fast I was loosing the weight, but what flaws I could find that I had not already corrected. Even after one and a half months, I could not get a thigh gap (why the fuck is this even a thing), and my face wasn’t at 90 degree angles at the jawline.     

To this day, I still have times where I just won't eat things because I think I look a little of the fat side. And it takes constant reminding of myself just to eat. The willpower I had to not eat, back when I was anorexic, hasn't left me. When I stoped being anorexic, the mindset and all of the things I felt with never left. Its not like you just stop being anorexic, and you wake up the net day like “OMG old body, new phone who dis”, like thats not how that works. All of the bullshit you dealt with, whether that be emotions or memories, never go away. I think working my way out of my habits started with me first dealing with my emotions and trying to not rememberer the feeling of being hungry. 

If you read anything in this post, read this (the actually interesting part of this and not the bullshitty sappy paragraphs). People become anorexic for many different reasons. Mine was because I hated my body and how it looked. And because of that, I thought changing the way my body looked would therefore change how I would feel. I realized that now it was a terrible idea, but also that I didn’t surround myself with people that gave a shit. And i think not being around d those people impacted me both in a positive and negative way. I because stronger and realized what it felt like to overcome something with my own fortitude, but also, I took me a long ass time and feeling shitty about my self to then feel like that. Now more people are spreading the message of being body positive, but even with that, the world can be degrading, even in the most innocent ways possible. Like people who are like 90 pounds with abs are calling themselves fat, and don’t you think thats also a problem (maybe I should write about it i dont know)? But most importantly, if you hate yourself, that’s a much deeper issue than changing the way your body looks. It doesn’t matter how fats you make it happen, or how much money you invest to make it happen. If you hate yourself, you won't ever be happy with yourself until you deal with your emotional bullshit first. It took me a year and a 900 calorie diet to realize that. 

TL;DR: It’s so much easier to say “I love myself” then to not eat and oreo.

[whitefx]

I’m doing what no one wanted or asked me to do :D

1. Who was the last person you held hands with? My ex?? 

2. Are you outgoing or shy? Both 

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? Uhh friends. hopefully. Um family friends coming to visit.. i’m not sure bc i’m becoming a social recluse and apologize for everything i do.  Oh and my college classmates I met last week, they seem super coolio.

4. Are you easy to get along with? I’d like to think so

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? Idk, I hope so?

6. What kind of people are you attracted to? Guys, Gals, and nonbinary pals. Idk people with good personalities, nerds, soft features, again, nerds.

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? I highly doubt it

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? Uh? No one right now?

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? Thats a yes and no answer. I’m okay with it but at the same time because I don’t know much of how sex works it sort of does? 

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? Not sure. I don’t do deep convos often, the closet thing i’ve gotten is when I angrily told someone I’ve been wanting to die for the past few days, and that was a good month or two ago. I don’t usually do deep convos, I usually talk to myself about that jazz. 

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

“Nice Nice”

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? 

Sharp Edges by Linkin Park, Heavy By Linkin Park, One more light Linkin park, Save by Tyler Joseph, Falling too by Tyler Joseph 

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? Yess 

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? Eh, not really 

15. What good thing happened this summer? I started a college class. (summer legit just started)

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? Likely not, as I doubt she wants to talk to me ever again. 

17. Do you think there is life on other planets? Maybe 

18. Do you still talk to your first crush? Yes? 

19. Do you like bubble baths? I would if my tall large body would fit in the bath tub

20. Do you like your neighbors? I do, more or less nice 

21. What are you bad habits? Eating food all the time, scratching at my skin, keeping in my emotions

22. Where would you like to travel? The uk! 

23. Do you have trust issues? Yes and no. I trust too easily but at the same time I have a hard time trusting at all 

24. Favorite part of your daily routine? Sleeping

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? My chest/weight

26. What do you do when you wake up? Check my phone for the time

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? Darker 

28. Who are you most comfortable around? My friend Ridge I think? I’m awkward around him once again bc i’ve been out of contact with him for a while and only recently got back to talking to him, otherwise i’ve become really uncomfortable socially around people

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? Not yet. 

30. Do you ever want to get married? Some day

31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail? Nah not anymore

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? Good question?? I’m not too into sex?? and I can’t remember/don’t know names very well. 

33. Spell your name with your chin. Nah fam

34. Do you play sports? What sports? I used to do Tae Kwon Do, but not for awhile 

35. Would you rather live without TV or music? Tv probably. 

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? Probably? Not sure?? 

37. What do you say during awkward silences? So... 

38. Describe your dream girl/guy? A nerd, a nerd in shows, video games, movies etc, soft features, cuddly and understanding of emotions, someone a bit taller than me, someone who understands that I get anxious quite easily and wont force me to do things that make me uncomfy.  

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? Hottopic, Spencers, JC Penny, Michaels, idk I don’t shop that often. 

40. What do you want to do after high school? Get my two year degree, get a job in that process, move out. 

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? I do, but I give a billion chances when I shouldn’t. 

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean? I’m overthinking, i’m doing art, listening to music, i’m angry. 

43. Do you smile at strangers? I do. 

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? Ocean 

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? The fear of my parents checking on me, thus seeing my disaster of a room and then being like, get yo room clean, no pc til room clean, and the possibility of being teased at/ told off for sleeping so much.. 

46. What are you paranoid about? Everything tbh.. like fuck.. It makes things hard and it makes some friends disappointed bc I can be super fucking paranoid. 

47. Have you ever been high? Yep. 

48. Have you ever been drunk? Not yet

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? I don’t know.

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? Dark blue 

51. Ever wished you were someone else? Yea 

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? My weight 

53. Favourite makeup brand? Idk 

54. Favourite store? Spencers 

55. Favourite blog? Idk 

56. Favourite colour? Dark Navy Blue 

57. Favourite food? A good question 

58. Last thing you ate? Cheese cake 

59. First thing you ate this morning? Cheesecake 

60. Ever won a competition? For what? I don’t think so 

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what? Not yet 

62. Been arrested? For what? Haha no 

63. Ever been in love? I don’t know.. My last relationship was long distance and I started feeling nothing, kind of numb towards my ex, even when I went to see her it was sort of there sort of not.. So I don’t think so. 

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? My ex got on the couch to be taller than me and we kissed. 

65. Are you hungry right now? No

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? Idk 

67. Facebook or Twitter? Facebook  

68. Twitter or Tumblr? tumblr 

69. Are you watching tv right now? No 

70. Names of your bestfriends? I don’t know who my bestfriends are anymore because of the stupidity thats fucking ruined my life for the past year. Theres on person, her name is Kaylee 

71. Craving something? What? Cuddles :( 

72. What colour are your towels? Creme-coloured 

72. How many pillows do you sleep with? 6? 

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? Yes 

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? On my bed, there’s 5, in general thats a good question 

75. Favourite animal? Owls 

76. What colour is your underwear? Blue plaid 

77. Chocolate or Vanilla? Chocolate 

78. Favourite ice cream flavour? Green Tea 

79. What colour shirt are you wearing? Blue gray? 

80. What colour pants? Blue 

81. Favourite tv show? Lucifer or spn 

82. Favourite movie? Spirited Away 

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? Mean Girls 

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? Mean Girls 

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? idk 

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? Nemo 

87. First person you talked to today? My mom  

88. Last person you talked to today? Dunno yet 

89. Name a person you hate? Me, myself, and I, kind of jking, I don’t really HATE anyone?  

90. Name a person you love? A good question 

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? Nah 

92. In a fight with someone? Not at the moment 

93. How many sweatpants do you have? 1 

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? 3? 

95. Last movie you watched? The Mummy 

96. Favourite actress? Idk 

97. Favourite actor? Idk 

98. Do you tan a lot? If I try to tan I have to burn my pale pale bod 

99. Have any pets? Yes 

100. How are you feeling? I’ve been better, def been worse. 

101. Do you type fast? I’d like to think so 

102. Do you regret anything from your past? Yea.. 

103. Can you spell well? More or less, when I care to pay attention 

104. Do you miss anyone from your past? Yes? 

105. Ever been to a bonfire party? Yea 

106. Ever broken someone’s heart? probably 

107. Have you ever been on a horse? Yea 

108. What should you be doing? nothing really 

109. Is something irritating you right now? yes 

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? no 

111. Do you have trust issues? I answered this earlier 

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? sort of my sister? like I walked past her crying 

113. What was your childhood nickname? Randaloo 

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? I’ve been to different states

115. Do you play the Wii? Sometimes 

116. Are you listening to music right now? Yes 

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? Eh 

118. Do you like Chinese food? Yes 

119. Favourite book? Merry Christmas Alex Cross By James Patterson 

120. Are you afraid of the dark? Yes 

121. Are you mean? I don’t know, probably to some people.. 

122. Is cheating ever okay? No 

123. Can you keep white shoes clean? no 

124. Do you believe in love at first sight? maybe 

125. Do you believe in true love? i’d like to hope so 

126. Are you currently bored? always 

127. What makes you happy? bouldering, going out and hanging with friends, DOING something anything. 

128. Would you change your name? I sure plan on it. 

129. What your zodiac sign? Cancer 

130. Do you like subway? Yes 

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? Sister-zone her. 

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? I answered this already 

133. Favourite lyrics right now?  

“I'm holding on Why is everything so heavy? Holding on So much more than I can carry I keep dragging around what's bringing me down If I just let go, I'd be set free Holding on Why is everything so heavy? ” Heavy by Linkin Park 

134. Can you count to one million? No 

135. Dumbest lie you ever told? The lunch I had earlier I gave to my friend bc she didn’t have one. fml lol 

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? Closed 

137. How tall are you? 5′7 

138. Curly or Straight hair? I have curly hair 

139. Brunette or Blonde? Both 

140. Summer or Winter? Winter 

141. Night or Day? Night 

142. Favourite month? December 

143. Are you a vegetarian? Working on it 

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? Milk 

145. Tea or Coffee? Both 

146. Was today a good day? I guess 

147. Mars or Snickers? Mars 

148. What’s your favourite quote? 

“I’m still figuring out who I am, but I know I’m not who I was” ~Brendon Urie 

149. Do you believe in ghosts? Yes 

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? “You take off your belt. And it happens again.”

That sounds bad out of context but its not a sexual book at all. 

[oyvavoy]

1. do as much good for other people as you can and the same will be returned to you in some way by the universe. or at least just stay neutral. dont be a dick and try to have as much fun as you can

2. extremely important aspect of society, humans need a way to express emotion and the arts is a perfect way. make something beautiful out of what you feel

3. that its okay to feel

4. good fucking question i think maybe just try to put as much of yourself into your work as you can and dont be afraid to be raw and honest about yourself. reveal your flaws. it makes you more human and makes your work more personal

5. work that shows that the artist is not afraid to show everything that goes on in their head is always great work to me

6. i don’t know

7. i try to capture how i feel about what im observing through line and shadow. i like to keep my sketches lose and shaky because it gives me a feeling of imperfection. i like the imperfections of art, you can tell someone really put time into it 

8. its everything i need to make my drawings, my inspirations

9. i cant. its hard to really communicate to people that thought process 

10. simple one. do your work and then do whatever makes you happy for the rest of your time 

11. the people i care about and my animation practice 

12. people help me find inspiration, people give me their love, people show me that its okay to not take everything so seriously, that its okay to just be. most people are focused on their own lives so much, its interesting to see what its like on the outside looking in at just someone walking past me on the street

13. yes

14. someone to give you unconditional support when you need it, and someone to celebrate with you when you deserve to celebrate. love is refusing to let someone go through life alone

15. distance is something that couldve been but was lost on the way

16. quiet, in my own head

17. yes

18. they make everyones experience unique

19. what dis mean

20. i am actively trying to get what i think and feel out on paper in whatever means necessary

21. what

22. almost nothing except we were put here to do what makes us happy 

23. sometimes its overwhelming all of the things around me to feel and process 

24. i tell myself this is not how you want it to end 

25. its a little hypocritical me saying this but be involved with other people, even if its just walking around outside, you dont have to interact with anyone but i think people watching is really great 

26. yes

27. dont base your work on whats happening around you because everything around you always changes, base your work on what happens within you and youlll always be timeless. feelings are always going to be feelings, good or bad

28. focus on others instead of yourself

29. i dont! emptiness is cold

30. human

31. find likeminded people to spend your time with and you wont feel like you have to be someone else. its extremely important to be yourself

32. sometimes you do need to make active decisions yes

33. yes

34. im not one to limit what to think about, thats up to each person 

35. no

36. everyone has desires, doesnt make them right or wrong its just the truth

37. honestly when it comes to other people i feel they have more of an idea of their intent than i do. when it comes to me i am always criticizing and comparing

38. not sure if people want to answer them

39. remember that we are all the same and feel the same things. we all get happy and giggly and full of life, and we all feel deep sadness from time to time

40. remember that everyone has an equally as complex life as you do

41. because everyone sees shallow since its on the surface, depth is something you have to work for

42. i just want to be happy

43. i want to be a gentle soul that tries to help whenever they can

44. with my ears because i cant pay attention

45. what

46. i believe thats called an introduction 

47. because what they have is important to them and they dont want to live like they did before they had it 

48. because it hasnt effected them yet, the past already has

49. care about things that actually matter 

50. because thats how our beings are restrained. we grow old with time

51. love

52. besides food and shelter love and acceptance 

53. let go of the past and look forward to the future

54. i get overwhelmed by too many people in a small space

55. its fun to be a little weird sometimes

56. there are a lot of people who think in similar ways, which isnt good or bad necessarily but sometimes its good to see something new as long as its positive

57. for the most part no

58. through my work

59. i think its good! as long as you arent recreating what someone else has already done. ive been influenced by many people

60. anger, self esteem issues

61. primal, focused only on survival

62. i cant see it i dont think it exists

63. honesty

64. honestly therapy dfkgjh

65. self centered people, people that refuse to truly connect with anyone out of the fear of someone knowing who they are no frills are people who lead poor lives

66. what

67. i dont necessarily detest it, i just think you need to find a balance between material things and spiritual things. not everything is about material things but its okay to like those things. just be reasonable

68. i think you can be happy in almost any situation if you think this way

69. i dont face it because i fear it, it reflects the pain ive had to feel up to this point. once something happens i dont want to bring it back into my head but sometimes it seems i dont have a choice in the matter

70. absolutely. its always good to ask questions

71. i feel somewhat satisfied but far from full 

72. it is but i dont think that person would grow much at all 

73. i think nature itself transcends beauty 

74. to an extent yes

75. i want to move people 

76. expose yourself to as many different experiences as possible to broaden your inspiration

77. because it makes them safe 

78. depends on the thing

79. accept that sometimes things just happen without a reason

80. its not necessary but being remembered is always positive if youve done good in life 

81. stop caring about everything, turn completely inward

82.  what

83. you know yourself by living with yourself. spending time alone you get to know yourself quite well

84. because not everyone should think the same as other people. you experience life completely differently to someone else so opinions should usually reflect that 

85. by spending time together, not necessarily doing something, just being in each others company i find i get attached to people if i can just be with them without needing to do something with them too

86. see 36

87. i think its scary, i cling to the known as do most people i think

88. someone taught them to think that way 

89. if someone goes out of their way to tell you their negative opinion of you or what youre doing then their opinion shouldnt matter to you in the first place because they come from a place of negativity 

90. open and honest, moving, unique and creative

91. what

92. thinking about it inspires you and makes you want to do great

93. keep asking yourself what can you do to be better

94. i believe its a real thing

95. trust and communication

96. you talk to them 

97. people and the environment are both living things, you must treat them with respect and care 

98. free

99. its important to know your tastes

100. people need to constantly be questioning their lives to improve them

[myauralove-blog]

1. Who was the last person you held hands with? Baby Liam

2. Are you outgoing or shy? Outgoing if I know you, shy if i feel intimidated or you’re new to me

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? mjum, sister, brothers

4. Are you easy to get along with?

I’d say so, unless I feel super threatened by you I’m the nicest person everrrrrr

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? ummm no

6. What kind of people are you attracted to? Legit assholes and that pretty much sums it up. nah intelligent, witty, funny, confident but not cocky, articulate, class clowns

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? I’d rather not

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? JD, JW.

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? Nah. Ask me anything.

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? Megan

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? Cant wait to see you.

12. What are your 6 favorite songs right now? Unforgettable - French Montana

Thunder - Imagine Dragons

XO Tour Lif3 - Lil Uzi Vert

I like me better - Lauv

There for you - Martin Garrix

Know no better - Major Lazer, Travis Scott, Camilla Cabello

13. Do you like it when people play with your? You better be reaaaal gentle bro

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? Yes, just not for myself

15. What good thing happened this month? Rekindled a friendship with Hayley, Lots of fun with Griff & Vato, Lots of drunk fun with Megan, had sex watching the july 1st fireworks hahahahhaahahah

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? Yes.

17. Do you think there is life on other planets? Ya.

18. Do you still talk to your first crush? hahah ew

19. Do you like bubble baths? So much

20. Do you like your neighbors? The ones across me, yes. Other people around - no. Fuck them.

21. What are you bad habits? Trusting too easily, revealing too much, spending money, eating junk

22. Where would you like to travel? Italy, France, Southeast Asia, Scotland, England, Ireland

23. Do you have trust issues? Yessssss, but I trust too easily too.

24. Favorite part of your daily routine? eating, laying in bed at the end of the day

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? boobs that arent there, stomach that is fat, nose, googly eyes, teeth

26. What do you do when you wake up? Go back to sleep lollll, get anxiety, want to smash my alarm, stretch

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? Tanner

28. Who are you most comfortable around? Megan, sister, mum, zane

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? Joel lolll why’d ya cheat then

30. Do you ever want to get married? Maybe.

31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail? hardly. can never decide if I want it long or short so i just keep cutting it ? 32. Which celebrities would you have sex with? Ashton Kutcher and Ansel Elgort omg

33. Spell your name without vowels - scrltt jwl vn

34. Do you play sports? What sports? ew no

35. Would you rather live without TV or music? Thats hard neither

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? All the time

37. What do you say during awkward silences? The wrong thing 99% of the time

38. Describe your dream girl/guy? Finds my quirks endearing, intelligent, witty, funny, sexy, loves my body, loves my humour, is interested in what I have to say, is interested in my life, basically they have to be obsessed with me

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? Online - PLT, Peppermayo, Boohoo

40. What do you want to do after high school? im 24 lol take me back to when i was actually facing this question

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? im so sensitive and emotional so yes. but if theyve had 2 second chances then no

42. If you’re being extremely quiet what does it mean? I’m hurt, trying to read your mind or off my head

43. Do you smile at strangers? If they look like a kind stranger

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? fuck that ill stay on dry land thanks

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? Alarms, anxiety

46. What are you paranoid about? Being played, laughed at or talked about behind my back

47. Have you ever been high? Ya

48. Have you ever been drunk? is that even a question

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? um yes

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? Blue

51. Ever wished you were someone else? KYLIE JENNER UH YEA

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? eyes, pasty skin, boobs, my stupid anxious mind, my stupid big heart

53. Favourite makeup brand? BYS, Maybelline

54. Favourite store? Kmart for sure

55. Favourite vlogs? Shani Grimmond, Michael Finch, Skye Wheatley, Tammy Hembrow

56. Favourite colour? Green, tan and pink

57. Favourite food? Pizza, Pasta

58. Last thing you ate? Mars Bar Icecream

59. First thing you ate this morning? Banana and honey toast

60. Ever won a competition? For what? Haha like never. Raffles, Jellybean in a jar guessing,

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what? In school suspension. Cant even remember what for. Plenty of detentions

62. Been arrested? For what? Yeeea. Punching a cop. Didnt go on my record though so all good lol

63. Ever been in love? Twice.

64. Tell us the story of your first proper kiss? hahahaha year 6. Was 11. Being forced at a park by his sister, me standing on a skateboard because he was so freakishly tall for an 11 year old and legit missed his mouth the first time

65. Are you hungry right now? I’m full af but always

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? No. wtf i have 1 follower on this account

67. Facebook or Twitter? FB.

68. Twitter or Tumblr? Tumblr.

69. Are you watching tv right now? No. Listening to music

70. Names of your friends? Megan, Ebony, Vato (Tony), Griffo (Tyrone), Yoshi

71. Craving something? What? I dont know... Him

72. What colour are your towels? All Sorts

72. How many pillows do you sleep with? 3

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? lol no

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? 2 that ive had since i was a baby that sit on my top cupboard shelf

75. Favourite animal? Dogs, Seals, Elephants

76. What colour is your underwear? Pink.

77. Chocolate or Vanilla? Choc

78. Favourite ice cream flavour? Mint Choco

79. What colour shirt are you wearing? White

80. What colour pants? Pj Pants

81. Favourite tv show? Of all time - Riverdale, Friends, catfish, crazy ex gf

At the moment - The middle, modern fam, ex on the beach,  yummy mummies ahahah

82. Favourite movie? Best of me, The choice, life as a house

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? Mean Girls!

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? Mean Girls.

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? Gretchen

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? Nemo duh

87. First person you talked to today? Dad

88. Last person you talked to today? Dad

89. Name a person you hate? The bitch whoever my ex is sleeping with

90. Name a person you love? My ex, my family, my dog, all 50 of my babies at work

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? Nah?

92. In a fight with someone? No.

93. How many sweatpants do you have? A WHOLE LOT.

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? too many

95. Last movie you watched? Shark Tale

96. Favourite actress? Rachel Mcadams, Cameron Diaz, Isla Fischer, Katherine Hiegel, Amy Smart 

97. Favourite actor? Leo, Ashton Kutcher, Owen Wilson, Paul Rudd, Steve Carrell

98. Do you tan a lot? Noooo

99. Have any pets? Oaks

100. How are you feeling? Tired, Blank, Distracted, On edge

101. Do you type fast? yes

102. Do you regret anything from your past? hahahhha yuh.

103. Can you spell well? Very well.

104. Do you miss anyone from your past? LJ (LM)

105. Ever been to a bonfire party? Yes

106. Ever broken someone’s heart? maybe?

107. Have you ever been on a horse? Yes

108. What should you be doing? Nothing.

109. Is something irritating you right now? That its almost tomorrow, my hairs faded, he doesnt give a fuck about me

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? Yesyesyesyes

111. Do you have trust issues? I answered this already.

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? On the phone to my mum

113. What was your childhood nickname? Scar, Bubble

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? Yes.

115. Do you play the Wii? When I go to Eb’s

116. Are you listening to music right now? Yes. Currently Playing not going home - DVBBS

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? Yes.Homemade

118. Do you like Chinese food? OMG. YES.

119. Favourite book? You - Caroline Kepnes

120. Are you afraid of the dark? Yes and no

121. Are you mean? No.

122. Is cheating ever okay? No. No No NOOOOOOOOO

123. Can you keep white shoes clean? NO lol

124. Do you believe in love at first sight? hmmm starting not to

125. Do you believe in true love? Yes.

126. Are you currently bored? Kinda.

127. What makes you happy?

Kenji, My fam, Alcohol, Food, Music, Tv, Holidays, Money, New clothes

128. Would you change your name? Nah.

129. What your zodiac sign?

Aries, what yours?

130. Do you like subway? yum yes

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? He did and now he doesnt and treats me like im nothing

132. Who’s the last person you had a laugh with? Griffo, Hayley, Powelly and Ziggy

133. Favourite lyrics? So I will run Until my feet don't touch the ground And as the waves carry me out Keep listening She'll never make a sound

134. Can you count to one million? No wtf ive got time but not that much time

135. Dumbest lie you ever told? sickies for work?

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? closed,open when im home alone

137. How tall are you? 5 something

138. Curly or Straight hair? Straight.

139. Brunette or Blonde? Brunette.

140. Summer or Winter? Both, can never decide

141. Night or Day? Night.

142. Favourite month? March or December

143. Are you a vegetarian? No.

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? Milk.

145. Tea or Coffee? Both

146. Was today a good day? It was okay.....

147. Mars or Snickers? Mars atm

148. What’s your favourite quote? Anything by Beau Taplin

149. Do you believe in ghosts? YES.

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? No that’s too far, but I’m reading gone girl atm