#like i honestly appreciate and respect that they changed; love their art now

[kazumist]

THE NAME OF LOVE .ᐟ

✩ — the three times hoshina soshiro dismissed his feelings for you as something that friends do and the one time he realized otherwise.

✩ — request: IVE BEEN WANTING TO REQ U SOMETHING FOR SO LONG NOW I HOPE U DONT MIND !! can i ask for hopeless romantic reader and hoshina soushirou.... the way he... is...... (LOVE PESSIMIST 🫵) I'm a sucker for hoshina falling first or confessing first but it is truly up to you!! i genuinely have no idea where im going with this so pls feel free to change anything to your liking

✩ — includes: hoshina soshiro x gn!reader. fluff. cw: uhm funky pacing bc this is just pure word vom LAWLZ. wc: 3583 (i did not expect for it to be this long i swear). reader works for operations and is considered as second best to okonogi (is also okonogi's assitant). ikaruga and okonogi cameo yipee! hoshina is bad at feelings ™. reblogs and feedback are much appreciated !!

to love is something you cannot name.

that’s a saying that stitched itself onto your brain because it just makes sense. loving someone has way too much depth, depending on the person who is the one lending out their heart and who they are giving it out to in the first place. it could be named as anything, depicted as anything, or interpreted as anything.

especially for you, who had witnessed, watched, read, and consumed all sorts of media that named love as numerous things. sometimes love is tragic, making two people feel so much just for them to get pulled away from each other when they were so close to running into each other’s arms. sometimes love is mirthful, having two people become the best versions of themselves around the person they love because they feel safe becoming vulnerable with the other. yet sometimes love is bittersweet, accepting the art of letting go as it was for the best—accepting that things weren’t just meant to be but not forgetting the emotions the person made you feel.

well, how were you supposed to know what love really is? a hopeless romantic is hopeless for a reason.

having a day off is quite rare, even for the employees of the operations department. the work was quite demanding, as any job involving the JAKDF was. but you still made time to relax and enjoy your rest from time to time, whether that was rewatching a good old romcom film from the 2000s or reading a new romance novel you decided to pick up.

it was normal for a hopeless romantic to dream. to fantasize. that maybe they could experience an extraordinary love like it is portrayed in films or described in songs. so naturally, as a hopeless romantic yourself, you weren’t any different. you just wanted to experience love—to be loved.

then again, liking someone does count as experiencing romance in a sense. admiring someone with traits the public doesn’t really notice is… rare. but that’s how it always went with you. though you wouldn’t really say that you actually acted upon your feelings, they're usually be gone once that person has stepped out of the current environment you’re in.

that’s how it was before.

vice captain hoshina was a respectable man. he is talented, and he sure as hell knows it. as the ton put it, you and the vice captain had a strange relationship—nobody really knows what to call you two. as the secondary leader of operations and okonogi’s assistant, it was only natural to be in the presence of the vice captain most of the time. but there’s just something different when it comes to how you two treated each other.

from flirtatious remarks and confusing gestures that you aren’t sure if you’re supposed to interpret as romantic, just what were you to the vice captain? you’ve observed long enough that he only does this to you. though you don’t really hate it. in fact, you like it that he’s only like that to you—but you weren’t supposed to like him, you swear! but honestly speaking, how could you not? you had plenty of reasons to like the vice captain in that way. you just pray that no one has really noticed it.

however, okonogi wasn’t stupid. she gets praised for her analytical skills for a reason and you wish she didn’t have to use those skills when it came to your romantic interest in the vice captain of all things. she promised to keep it a secret, though, and keeping secrets is a thing okonogi was really good at (to your surprise).

— — — — — — — — 

the first time hoshina denied his feelings for you was when he overheard some rookies talking about you.

“(l/n) is such a blessing to the third division, don’t you think?” one said as the other hummed in agreement. “i know, right? they’re so nice! did you know that they helped me once? they gave me tips on what i should do to enhance my combat power for my fighting style; it was really helpful too!” the rookie beamed. hoshina had an unsettling feeling churning inside of him as he eavesdropped on the conversation. but he quickly shook it off, thinking that he probably ate something funny earlier.

but why hasn’t he received such treatment from you? you were closer to him than some rookies, right? 

right?

wait, what the hell is wrong with me? hoshina thinks, snapping out of his earlier thoughts. he was not jealous of some rookies. those were just rookies, for christ’s sake! hoshina walks away, only to be greeted by the sight of you and ikaruga talking this time.

“thanks again for the film recommendation the other day, (l/n). i didn’t expect to enjoy it so much—you were completely right! it did suit my preferences,” he excitedly says. hoshina watches silently, observing everything in detail. and one thing he notices is that ikaruga is standing close to you—way too close than he preferred.

“really? i’m glad you liked them, ikaruga. feel free to ask for more film recs when you’re free.” you laughed at his enthusiasm. ikaruga had always been a fun person to converse with, in your opinion. and you two bonded over films! but it was really nothing more than that. “will definitely do!” he replies, giving you a two finger wave as he excuses himself.

he was definitely not jealous. why would he be jealous in the first place? you two were just friends.

and friends don’t get jealous like this.

— — — — — — — — 

the second time was when he was undergoing recovery after the whole fiasco of the tachikawa base raid. everyone was exhausted. it was fortunate that the third division didn’t get any casualties during the incident; the majority of the troops were only injured for the most part. soshiro was counted among the severely injured troops but he doesn’t regret it one bit.

or so he thought.

soshiro wakes up slowly, blinking and squirting his eyes at the sudden brightness of the light above him. he felt a weight on the side of his bed when he tried to get up, as if something (or someone) was pressing down on the blanket. looking down, he wouldn’t mistake your hair for anyone else. he knew it was you with just a glance.

and there you were, sleeping softly on the side of hoshina soshiro’s bed. soshiro takes note of your appearance that he could see right now—which was really just your messy hair. he gets up, making sure that you don’t wake up. it is likely that the operation has not had much sleep up to this point, which is why you ended up sleeping in his hospital room of all places.

he feels bad. a hand slowly reaches out to your head, stroking it ever so gently. if he were to be honest, he was worried for he operations team during the attack. he recalls regularly checking in to see if things were okay on your end, and you kept reassuring him that everyone was unscathed. his other hand reaches out to his phone on his bedside, checking to see if he missed anything. he was unconscious until now, he thinks. and the text from okonogi just confirmed all of his suspicions.

you’re probably still unconscious by the time i sent this, but they’ve been there every day since you got admitted. 

that’s all the message contained. soshiro glances at you again, a soft smile tugging on his lips. he doesn’t get why okonogi felt the need to send him that text, but the thought of you waiting for him to be conscious again made him feel… warm inside. but it all went away as he pulled back his hand from your head as you stirred awake. you raised your head, adjusting yourself to be in a more comfortable position as you rubbed your eyes with your knuckles. 

shock was an understatement when you realized that he was finally awake.

“vice captain! i—sorry, i didn’t mean to sleep on your bed. wait, are you okay? does anything hurt?” he just stared at your eyes, trying to process something. shock was still present in your eyes, and relief was mixed in them too. you noticed him not answering anything you said. worried that he might be suffering from some aftereffects, you asked him again. “uhm… vice captain hoshina?”

he snaps out of it as soon as he hears his name. “sorry, i was just thinking. what were you saying?”

“er… is there something on my face? you’ve been staring at my face the whole time since i woke up…”

hoshina blinks once. twice. then thrice. before he focuses his gaze on something else, looking away from you. you held back a laugh at the sight of red tinting his ears as he apologized for his actions. 

“i’m glad you’re alright, vice captain.”

hoshina freezes. he didn’t expect those words to have a bigger impact on him than they do now. but this is all natural, isn’t it? friends worry about each other. friends wish and hope that the other is okay.

yet why does he feel bitter when he labels this as something that friends—no, snap out of it. he thinks.

“i’m glad you’re alright too.”

— — — — — — — — 

the third time was when you were sent to work to the first division of all places. he was completely against it, of course, but he doesn’t have any concrete reason to actually protest against it. 

it was quite boring to not have you there. he didn’t really have anyone to disturb anymore. and the sudden change in the vice captain’s demeanor doesn’t go unnoticed by the platoon leaders. sure, he still had the same toothy grin on his lips, with his fang peeking out ever so often but deep down, you can’t really point out if it was genuine.

after all, hoshina soshiro was good at concealing his emotions and thoughts.

but then again, okonogi wasn’t stupid. it pains her to be the one who’s stuck between the vice captain and her subordinate. soshiro was the same as the night he didn’t get to neutralize kaiju no. 8 back then. shoulder slumped, arms crossed, a slight pout on his lips, and an expression that clearly stated he was pondering about something—or perhaps someone?

“you miss them, don’t you?” okonogi suddenly asks as she organizes the paperwork in front of her. working with hoshina when it came to paperwork wasn’t really new, except for this time because you would also be present in times like these. “miss who?” he decided to play dumb (or is the right term indenial?)

“please don’t make me spell it out for you, vice captain.” she replied, pushing up her glasses.

hoshina doesn’t reply, zoning out as he thinks about okonogi’s words. well, it wasn’t really false that your sudden absence had changed things in the vice captain’s usual routine. he doesn’t see you making a cup of coffee after he finishes training in the middle of the night. nor does he see you drowning yourself in research at the library when you’re not in the operations room, where soshiro would personally lend you a hand and provide his own insights on whatever you’re researching.

oh. 

oh.

he does miss you.

but that’s just normal, right? friends miss each other. and friends tend to leave sometimes but they will always come back when the time is right. however, the head of operations for the third division didn’t have to be some kind of genius to put two and two together. 

the vice captain has some sort of interest in you as well; he just hasn’t realized it himself.

— — — — — — — — 

the day you returned from the first division was the day everything went back to normal for soshiro.

it was currently a quarter after one in the morning, and he had just finished his training. he ended up going more overtime than usual, but if he hadn't, he probably would’ve missed the open door to the library at this hour. and of course, being the ever so curious man he is, he takes a peek in.

and again, there you were. but this time, you were drowning yourself again in research. your hair was a bit messy, and the eyebags doesn’t go unnoticed by him. yet in spite of that, soshiro still found your appearance to be lovely. maybe it was just the fatigue from his training, or perhaps it’s the thought of you being so determined in your work that sparked such a thought in him.

regardless of what the reason actually was, soshiro found your appearance lovely despite it all.

“you should head to bed soon.” he says, approaching the table you were currently working on. you looked up, surprised to see him awake at this hour. but you put your focus back on your work, not even giving him a second glance—which surprised the vice captain. he reads on whatever you were working on, noticing that they were mostly reports of kaiju no. 9. 

“researching on kaiju no. 9, i see. need a hand?”

“there’s just something off about him and i can’t put my finger on it. also thanks, but no thanks. i can handle this myself, vice captain.”

“it’s almost two in the morning, are you sure about that?”

he didn’t quite catch on to what your reply was, but he was positive that you just declined his offer either way. hoshina decides to pull up the chair beside you and grab the small stack of reports in front of you. he rotates the lamp a bit in his direction, but just enough to leave some light for you to read as well if you needed to.

you sigh at him. “vice captain, you really don’t have to—”

“but i want to. it’s the least i could do.”

truth be told, you really can’t bring yourself to be in the presence of the vice captain now. everything was just confusing. you were aware that the vice captain doesn’t really like paperwork in general (who even likes paperwork in the first place?) but you don’t get why he’s so insistent on helping you every time he finds you here.  

you don’t get why he likes your company so much. you considered yourself to be plain, a bit mundane for someone to actually spend some time with. especially when your interests don’t really spark any others for the most part. 

and while you may be a hopeless romantic, you weren’t foolish. even if you like the vice captain who’s currently making an effort to help you with your work, he’s just way out of your league. he’s too high to reach, and you were sure as hell that he would never actually look at you in that way. not now, not ever.

but why? why does a part of you keep saying that maybe he does? he wouldn’t do all of that if he didn’t actually look at you in that way, right? hope is a dangerous thing for someone who doesn’t know how to stop. for someone like you who refuses to give up on most occasions. it was stupid. foolish. naive.

not now, not ever would hoshina soshiro actually look at you that way.

“vice captain, please get some rest.”

“i could say the same to you.”

god, why is this man so stubborn? is he not tired from all the late night training he does? you thought, slowly getting frustrated. hoshina tells you his observations based on the reports in his hands and shares his hypothesis on the matter. he had some valid points and he’s lending a great hand at the moment. but frustration was just getting the best of you at the moment from your numerous trains of thought.

“the fact that he can adapt so easily is scary in itself. and the recent report of him breaking in the operations room in the first division states that—”

“why are you doing this?” you cut him off.

hoshina stares at you, dumbfounded at your question. he opens his mouth to answer, but no words actually come out of him. he chuckles bitterly in his mind. soshiro would like an answer to that question as well. but then it dawned on him. every flashed across his mind in seconds, and he finally realized it.

yet the result of that still scared him.

he was in love. hoshina soshiro is in love—with you nonetheless. the person he swore was just a friend. it took him quite a while to realize it, always being in denial that it was just normal for friends to act the way you two were. but he was in love. and that scared him. because what is he supposed to do when he finally realizes that you have consumed him? he never wanted this to happen, not in a million years.

but perhaps he was in love with you long before he started tripping along the lines of being friends and something more.

why are you doing this? your question echoed in his head. because i love you, he swallows back down his throat. he can’t say it. there’s no way things would work out. he could die any day and he’d rather not see you miserable because of his death. it would be better if you found someone else—but how ironic. he couldn’t really handle the thought of you being with someone else in the first place.

why are you doing this? your question echoes again. “because i love you.” he finally says, hesitant even. hesitant to know what you’re reaction was going to be. your eyes went wide at the sudden confession, and hoshina was certain that you wouldn’t believe him (well, he couldn’t really believe it either). “you’re kidding me,” you replied.

“i’m not.”

and surely enough, the look on the vice captain’s eyes said it all. he was dead serious. "i... why?” it's ten past two in the fucking morning, and you were too scared to accept that all of this was occurring right now, so you were afraid to ask. you were too scared to just randomly wake up and realize that maybe it was all a dream. too scared to believe that your feelings are being reciprocated.

“because you’re different—different to me, if that makes sense. it’s like you have this effect when it comes to me. food tastes better whenever i share a meal with you; my day just feels more peaceful whenever i get to see you’re doing fine, and i realized that maybe i haven’t actually looked at you like a friend or coworker for as long as i can remember; i was just too stupid to realize it earlier.” he avoids his gaze for a moment before looking at you again.

“i love you. i want you to look at me and love me too. we’ve come too far to turn back. i’m already too deep into you.”

you were speechless. 

he loves you. he loves you. he loves you. it repeated like some sort of chant inside of your head as you processed everything. hoshina soshiro loves you back—who would’ve thought? you hadn’t realized that he was sitting so close to you. the tension was so thick, but you easily cut it down as you started with your response.

“you’re an amazing man, vice captain, and i truly cannot grasp how you could feel such feelings towards me, but i love you too.” you could see hoshina jump in his seat in shock at your confession, but you continued. “i love you in ways you have never been loved, for reasons that you may not have been told, for longer than you think you deserve and with more than you will ever know existed inside of me. yet i can’t help but still wonder… how? why? wait no, why was already answered—”

he chuckles at you. stopping you with your words. “what’s so funny?” you pouted at him. “it’s nothing. i just can’t believe that we’re seriously having this moment at two in the morning.”

“sorry, i think that may have been on my part. i kind of snapped there because i was just so… confused.”

“confused?”

“yeah, confused if we’ve crossed the line between friends or lovers without actually realizing it. crazy, right?”

hoshina moves a bit closer to you, making the distance between the two of you smaller than before. he puts his forehead against yours. “not really, but i look at you, and i just love you, and it terrifies me. it terrifies me what i would do for you. i’m in love but i’m also terrified—that’s what i think is crazy.”

“then let’s be terrified together,” you whispered to him.

a soft laugh leaves his lips this time. “i like the sound of that.” he whispers back.

he loves you.

and you love him back.

that’s all what matters.

love, in general, can make you feel all sorts of things. joy, confusion, anger, fear, and many more. it can also make you do all sorts of things. it can make you do things you never really imagined doing for or with someone in the first place. it tends to be irrational—ridiculous, even. but the thought of doing all of it for the person you care most about? you finally realized that’s simply what love is all about for you.

to love is something you truly cannot name.

[elitadream]

Hi guys~! ⛅👋

Long time no see! Much longer than I ever intended, in fact. Truth be told, I wanted to make a public post sooner, but I've had a lot to catch up on in terms of notifications and messages since logging back in a few days ago. I've also made some changes that I will address shortly, but first of all I wanted to thank those of you who have reached out with so much care and understanding during my absence. Adjusting has been a slow and fragile process for me -still is-, and I sadly haven't responded directly to everyone yet because of it, but I wanted to say how much I appreciate your patience and support nonetheless. 🥹 🙏

Long story short, I was gone for five months due to a huge burnout, then progressively found my spark again somewhere along the way and have since mostly recovered. It was my wonderful friend @drones-of-innocence who reached out to me outside of Tumblr, and her sense of initiative is largely the reason why I managed to make this post in a somewhat reasonable delay. 😅💖 With that said however, I must also mention that I've deleted a lot of stuff from my page and have removed most of my work from the public eye as well. This may seem quite drastic and frankly a little unsettling, but I assure you that it was a thoroughly considered and reasoned decision! The thing is that I was still getting lots of notes on these drawings everyday and… To put it simply, I didn't want that anymore. 🙇‍♀️ Experiencing popularity was very detrimental to me in the long run and I needed to put an end to it for the sake of my own wellbeing; at least for now.

Which brings me to my next point.

After mulling it over for a while, I've decided that I would not be returning as an active creator in the Mario community this time around. 👐 Making fanart for this franchise (with such a high and continuously maintained degree of involvement) had a lot to do with my health's decline and I've come to realize that I wanted to direct my focus elsewhere going forward. For that reason, there are things which I know will never be repeated again in the future, both in regards to my art and online presence in general, but that's alright. Things change, as they do and should. I'm looking forward to reuniting with folks and would be very happy to stay in touch with those of you who wish to message me privately. Like my lovely pal @istadris said, what matters most about any fandom are the friends you make in it. ☺️

And speaking of which-

@ody-and-fanatu That's so sweet of you, thank you! 💗 I'm glad you've enjoyed my contribution to the fandom. It was fun while it lasted! 💫 My visual ideas may be gone from my page, but most of my written posts and replies are still there for anyone who wants to revisit those at least, so there's that! And I'd also like to answer some of the asks I still have in my inbox at some point. Knowing that you hold my art in such high regard makes really happy! 🥰 Unfortunately, the other account that I have is reserved for my professional work and I prefer to keep them separate from one other, but the good thing is that I intend to go back to this blog occasionally. Hoping to see you around! Cheers! 🥂

@heiressofdoodles Thanks, I appreciate that! ✨ I'm honestly doing much better than I was earlier this Spring. Back then, I was running on empty and on the verge of crashing without even knowing it. Being in constant physical pain was one thing, but feeling mentally and emotionally drained on a daily basis was another entirely, and something had to be done. It took me a moment to really figure out what was wrong, but thankfully I realized very quickly what was causing it and applied the breaks with all my might. One of my main priorities now is to be more alert and respect my own boundaries to make sure that this never happens again. 🥲

@keakruiser Thank you. 🙏💐 I'm just glad to have found my footing again. Feels good to be able to create freely.^^ Hope you're doing well too!

Special thanks also to @pianokantzart, @jelly-fish-wishes, @katlyntheartist, @triniji and @wahooitsamee for their kind words. 🫂 Your graciousness and consideration means a lot to me. 💝

As for all the nice people who sent me anon comments and well wishes, I tried to summarize my thoughts as best I could in this update, but if there's anything else you'd like to say or know, don't hesitate to ask me anytime! Now that I feel like myself again, I think I'm gonna hang out on Tumblr for a little bit. I'll be excited to see what you guys have been up to in the meantime! 🤗 Wishing you all a very good day and pleasant Fall. 🍂

-elita 🌸

[susansontag]

studio ghibli ranking list let’s go

(will include nausicaä and the red turtle)

the these-are-actually-bad section:

24. earwig and the witch

actually the only one I haven’t watched so it’s cheeky to put it here. but I won’t be watching it and no one will blame me.

23. ocean waves

who sincerely cares about these teenagers they’re so annoying. if the boys had been gay it would have honestly been homophobic.

22. pom poko

this film is about shape-shifting raccoon dogs waging a war on humans and there’s copious jokes about their testicles. so on paper a perfect film. execution wise it’s so long and so boring and you care about none of them.

the cure-for-insomnia section:

21. tales from earthsea

hayao miyazaki was right to walk out of this one even though he probably is a terrible father for having done so. some of the animation was really nice but these protagonists made me yearn for the ocean waves cast because at least they have semi-personalities.

20. castle in the sky

proof miyazaki was judging his son too hard for earthsea because this is basically his version of the same thing: a nice idea with good animation and the most boring boy/girl protagonists imaginable. has got that whimsy he does so nicely however.

the passable-films section:

19. the cat returns

but should he have? was that really necessary? has a scene of cats walking in a procession on their hind legs though so that’s a plus.

18. arrietty

visually gorgeous but otherwise a very run-of-the-mill adaptation of the borrowers, which in something that should feel wondrous is less than ideal.

17. my neighbors the yamadas

some harmless and inventive fun that you can put on in the background whilst eating lunch or doing some light yoga stretches.

the don’t-harm-me-I’m-right section:

16. howl’s moving castle

yes I do in fact understand the intricacies of the plot and I still don’t care. this is one of ghibli’s messiest films for sure, it can’t decide what it wants to be or focus on and the plot just seems to happen and then not happen for no good reason. I also think howl’s a whiny bastard and hate that sophie has to mother him and endure his contemptible man tantrums. a shame because she’s actually cool.

15. grave of the fireflies

it was sweet but I’ve watched more moving animated films set in war-time, even. I don’t have much desire to watch it again honestly but maybe I will at some point.

the this-is-getting-there section:

14. the red turtle

I liked it! an acquired taste but I really felt the harshness of the elements and the cruelty and the love. it's also very beautiful to look at, one of the most visually arresting ghibli productions.

13. only yesterday

a tale of two films with this one. the parts where she's a young girl are much more interesting, but if this had stuck the landing and it'd been more even overall, could have potentially been a favourite. alas.

12. the wind rises

a genuinely weird one in ghibli's lineup, in which miyazaki meshes two different stories together (one of inventive 'genius' and a doomed love story, respectively) in a likely attempt to try and grapple with his having chosen his career over all else, including family (noteworthy is that his wife was not able to retain her career as an animator). as a piece of art it's less whimsical and more mature than many of these films, but I struggle to not let my distaste for what it potentially represents get in the way of my appreciation for it as a film, but it's so blatantly personal that it's impossible.

the that-was-just-a-good-fun-time section:

11. nausicaä of the valley of the wind

aesthetically one of the coolest films on this list but I don't remember the story as well. great protagonist too. must have been great to experience when it first came out in the '80s.

10. porco rosso

I love this film about a tomboy mechanic and some pilot guy who went off to war and was so changed he is now a pig. watching it feels like if the mediterranean was so small it fit into your back pocket and was also populated by all your friends all your enemies and your ex-lover also.

9. from up on poppy hill

I found this one boring the first time I watched it but it really grew on me with subsequent rewatches. I really like her predominantly female household and the community they share in the backdrop of the rest of the drama is sweet. the bit of drama midway through is still batshit though but in a loveable, disney-would-never way.

the near-perfect section:

8. the tale of the princess kaguya

probably takahata's magnum opus with the studio, if slightly overlong. folktales are tricky because they tend to feel moralistic and the characters one-note if you're not willing to build on them but kaguya herself feels very spirited and alive. the prettiest on the list too I'd say.

7. my neighbor totoro

cozy late summer comfort film. perhaps even more special now because I was able to see the london production. cute!

6. when marnie was there

surprised this one has ranked so high for me but that's the power of tomboy lesbians heck yeah etc. also the fantastical element of this one is so up my alley and touches upon a particular kind of childhood nostalgia I have of being in old houses and imbuing them with magical qualities. the image of anna facing the house across the marshland is burned into my retina.

the I'd-die-for-her section:

5. princess mononoke

aesthetically too cool for school and has one of the best ghibli villains and female characters (lady eboshi). they really said all the spirits of the forest are going to die in this one but well it was a nice thought.

4. ponyo

my comfort movie of all-time! heartwarming! with another great female ghibli character in lisa, sosuke's mum who is legally allowed to drive like that apparently. also one I actually watched for the first time in my childhood when I was around 7 or so at an after school club. the subtitles taught me the useful and now underused gem of a phrase "bog off".

3. kiki's delivery service

asks the important questions such as: what if you were a young witch from a dying tradition who moves to a gorgeous town in sweden? what if your remarkable gifts were no longer appreciated due to rapid advancements in aviation technology? what if you could live in a bakery?

2. spirited away

when you're just a timid child who is scared of admittedly a lot and your parents manage to mess everything up spectacularly so now you're forced to work at the age of twelve for people who steal your identity. still one of the best honestly they may never top this as the peak of their artistic achievement.

1. whisper of the heart

have you ever been a struggling artist? have you ever been in love? have you ever been obsessed with john denver's take me home, country roads? in all seriousness love a story of two artistically inclined people inspiring each other and this has a unique feel compared to other ghibli films forever favourite probably. it feels like basically no one has watched it and that's a shame. rest in peace yoshifumi kondō.

[mercillery]

hi there can you make a continuation of the college au zogratis siblings confessing that they have a crush on y/n but y/n said no bc y/n is not ready for a relationship with them?

btw i wish you are doing well and i definitely love your writing style 💕

WARNINGS: GENDER NOT SPECIFIED + NOT PROOFREAD + DANTE SUCKS

NOTES: Zogratis siblings aaaaaaaAaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I love them. I hope you’re doing well too, anon. <3

ZENON ZOGRATIS

Zenon actually takes the rejection like a champ. There’s no dramatic pause, no brooding silence, no stormy expression like you might expect. Nope. Instead, he just nods. Like…really nods. One of those slow, deliberate nods that makes you wonder if he’s processing the situation or mentally reviewing his grocery list.

“Okay,” he says, his face calm as ever, but there’s a tiny glint of understanding in his eyes. You almost expected something more—maybe a little frustration or at least a flicker of disappointment. But nope, Zenon is just Zenon, unflappable and composed, as if you’d just told him the weather forecast, not that you weren’t ready to date him.

He doesn’t push, doesn’t pry. He’s not the type to get mad or act hurt because you didn’t leap into his arms after his confession. If anything, he respects your decision without question, like the stoic guy he is.

No pressure. No drama. Just Zenon, chilling with the fact that feelings are complicated and people need time. He’s not going to hold it against you, and honestly? You kind of appreciate that about him. If only more people could take a no as coolly as Zenon does. He could probably write a self-help book about how to handle rejection with grace.

Honestly, there's not much to unpack here. He’s just cool with it. Like, he gets it—maybe even better than most. Zenon’s not exactly the poster child for romantic relationships, or any relationships for that matter. His idea of intimacy is probably limited to nodding at someone from across the room. So when you say you’re not ready, he’s like, “Yeah, makes sense.” He’s not about to pressure you, and he’s definitely not going to pull a rom-com “Wait, but I love you!” moment.

BUT (and here’s the kicker), although he won’t openly admit it, if you ever change your mind? He’s there. Oh, he’ll be there. The second you give him even the slightest hint of readiness, Zenon’s already in position like it’s a chess game he’s been waiting to win. He’ll probably keep his poker face on, but don’t be fooled—inside, he’s absolutely down for it.

VANICA ZOGRATIS

Now, unlike Zenon, Vanica isn’t the type to just nod and move on. Oh no, she’s got a whole different approach. While she’s not going to full-on force you into a relationship (because, you know, boundaries exist), she’s definitely persistent—like a stubborn, hyper puppy that just won’t quit. When you tell her you aren’t ready for a relationship, she hits you with the classic “yeah, anyway,” as if your response was merely a speed bump on her road to victory.

You thought saying “no” would end the conversation? That’s cute. The next day, she’s right back at it, asking you again with that wild grin of hers. “So, you ready now?” And then the day after that, “How about today? Feel like being my partner yet?” She’s relentless, but in that charming, chaotic way only Vanica can pull off. You could say you’re not ready a hundred times, and she’ll just shrug, fully convinced that one of these days, you’re going to cave.

It’s like a daily ritual at this point. You say you’re not ready, and she laughs, twirls a strand of her hair, and replies, “Well, I’ll be here tomorrow!” It’s less pressure and more persistence, like she’s playing a long game and having way too much fun with it.

Like I said, Vanica’s not about forcing you into a relationship, but she’s got consistency down to an art form. If persistence were an Olympic sport, she’d have a gold medal. Every day, she’s back with the same question, and let me tell you—this girl could go on forever. Do not, I repeat, *do not* underestimate her determination. You could tell her "no" a thousand times, and she’d still be like, “Okay, cool. See you tomorrow!”

In short, Vanica is *not* going to stop chasing after your love. She’s like a determined romantic Terminator—she *will* be back. Honestly, you’d have to move to another dimension to avoid her at this point, and even then, she’d probably find a way to follow. And if you think she’ll eventually give up? Wrong. She’ll literally rise from the dead, all “surprise! Miss me? Sooo, you ready to be with me now?” The chase is never over with Vanica—she’s in this for the long haul, no matter how long that haul might be.

DANTE ZOGRATIS

I’m so sorry but he’s a prick.

The guy has “entitled” written all over him. The moment you tell him you’re not ready for a relationship, it’s like he’s suddenly hard of hearing. “Not ready? What does that even mean?” To him, that’s not an excuse—it’s more of a challenge. And Dante? He *loves* a challenge.

So, yes, he absolutely pushes you into a relationship. Subtlety isn’t exactly in his vocabulary. He doesn’t care if you say you’re not ready—he’s decided that you *are*, and that’s the end of the discussion. By tomorrow morning, the entire campus will know that you two are “official,” whether you agreed to it or not. Honestly, it’s like Dante thinks relationships are a dictatorship, and surprise!—he’s the dictator.

He’s the type to “make” you ready for a relationship, whether you actually want it or not. It’s all very... *Dante.* Control is his game, and you’re just a piece on the board he’s moving however he pleases. If you’re not ready? Too bad, because he’s ready for both of you. By the time he’s done, you’ll practically need a press release to convince people you *aren’t* dating.

In my last post about this, I mentioned how Dante would shoves a bouquet of flowers in your face—yeah, that’s not an exaggeration. He’s not exactly subtle. Right after, he invites you to dinner, and boom—you’re suddenly on the spot. Don’t think for a second this happened by accident. Oh no, Dante *absolutely* did this on purpose. The man’s got strategy, and his strategy is making you so uncomfortable that rejecting him feels impossible.

Here’s the thing: if there’s one thing Dante Zogratis *cannot* handle, it’s rejection. Especially when *he’s* the one putting his pride on the line. This guy is used to people throwing themselves at him. He doesn’t confess, he gets confessed *to.* So, the moment he flips the script and confesses to you? You better believe he’s expecting nothing but a “yes.” No playing dumb, no pretending you didn’t hear him, and definitely no blunt rejection. That’s why he puts you on the spot—to corner you into saying yes.

He’s not giving you a way out because, frankly, he doesn’t believe there *is* one. In his mind, you’ll say yes because that’s just how it works with Dante. It’s his world; you’re just living in it. So, when he hands you those flowers and invites you to dinner with a charming smirk that says, “I *dare* you to say no,” know that he’s already decided how this is going to go down—and spoiler: it’s not in your favor.

Don’t even think about saying you’re not ready for a relationship. He’ll shrug you off, sure—he might even pull a Vanica-style “yeah, anyway,” but trust me, he’s *not* backing off. He’s the “Oh, you’re not ready? Well, good thing I wasn’t really asking” kind of pushy. You can practically hear the unspoken “I’ll make you ready” in his voice. He’s relentless, like a bulldozer with a superiority complex.

The very last line for Dante’s part was "either you reciprocate his feelings, or you destroy your life by declining them." Yeah, that wasn’t just for dramatic effect—it’s the cold, hard truth. Dante doesn’t handle rejection like a normal person. Instead of taking it on the chin, he uses his reputation and popularity to make sure *you* feel the consequences. Rejecting him? Big mistake. Your social status? Consider it in the negatives. You’ll go from minding your own business to being the person who dared to turn down *Dante Zogratis.*

Yeah, he sucks. He’s the kind of guy who’s convinced you’ll come around, whether you like it or not. To Dante, your feelings are just a minor detail to be adjusted along the way. He’s already decided the outcome—you’re either with him, or you’re dealing with the fallout of crossing him. Sorry!

[kingmagnificoofrosas]

Analyzing King Magnifico

Oooh boy, I have a lot to say! This is gonna be long. So brace yourself. But first 👇

‼️Note, this is my very personal opinion‼️

I'm honestly glad how the multitude of people realizes that we don't have a villain here. And honestly, while some nag and whine around that they didn't get one, I'm not mad at all that we got Magnifico the way we got him.

So in the end, it doesn't matter to me if disney actually failed to create a villain or purposely created a good guy who changes to be the antagonist.

Ok, now to the analizing part

The very first thing we learn about Magnifico is that he has a pretty dark past. He lost his home and his entire family, anyone he ever loved, all in one night. And in a very curel way. That banner tells us a lot!

First of all, if we study the picture, we see a palace in the back, some houses and right down below young Magnifico and his parents. Now, why is that so important? Back in the days only very important people were potrayed on banners. Such as royals, families of very high status or knights. Banners and wallrugs were also used to tell important stories. And since the palace is on the banner, I'm pretty sure we have a royal family here. That would mean that Magnifico had been royalty from the very start.

Further we see that the bottom got burned. This tells us that there was a big fire. Which leads me to conclude that what Magnifico saw and experienced was most defenitely hell on earth. Imagine, his family, his home, everything burns. Screams of terror everywhere, the stench of dead burning flesh and smoke that nearly suffocates you! And he was very young when that happened. So we now know that the king has big time PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) Keep this in mind, because it's literally the key to this whole analysis.

~

Out of his trauma, Magnifico strived to build a safe haven, where he could make sure no tragedy like the one he'd suffered would ever happen again. He build his kingdom, (on top of already existing buildings, as we know from the art book) He taught himself magic to actually have power to protect. He made sure his people are safe and live well. That no one has to suffer, endure hunger or hardships. Sounds like a evil rotten monster right?

Just look at the way he looks at the (wishes) dreams of his people. He appreciates and treasures them!

His genuine desire to protect and keep safe has always been good!

We only see him snap after Asha triggers him. And while ptsd people react overly sensitive or exaggerated, it is understandable once you know where they come from.

Analyzing Magnifico's ptsd closer and how it influenced his actions and decissions

Magnifico had looked for an apprentice that truly understands where he comes from and shares his ambitions. But the first thing Asha asks as soon as she gets the feeling she has the job safe, is if he can grant her grandfather's wish. I understand, that she cares for her grandfather but I also see Magnifico's feelings. Can you imagine how used he must feel? Constantly feeling the pressure of "I must protect what's dear to me! I must make sure my past never repeats!" And yet, the most people see him as is the "wish-granter".

Trauma shapes you, it shapes the way of thinking and if something triggers a response, you just react. If you like it or not. And oftentimes you're not even aware you're acting up. I can tell from personal expirience ...

So what about him being slightly vain and wanting respect?

Respect is earned. Generally everyone deserves to be threated with respect unless someone gives you a solid reason not to.

So let's recap some of the things Magnifico actually deserves respect for :

Surviving a horrible tragedy and still standing

Building up an entire kingdom and reigning it well (protecting his people fiercly and sucessfully bringing order)

Being selfless

Being king and carrying a freaking lot of responsibility

Now, let's look at Magnifico's "vanity moments" more closely and examine the things he does and says with questions of why?

The thing with his hair. He makes sure his hair looks nice. Ok, is this a bad thing? Does this make one ultimately vain? No. Being content with your hair and wanting to have it look good isn't vain. Neither is being happy about it. Or looking at yourself in the mirror and like yourself. You even should be able to look at yourself and love what you see. Pure vanity is something different.

What about what he says about himself in his song?

I can't help it if mirrors love my face

It's genetics! Yeah, I got these genes from outer space

Lets consider the situation and emotional state he's in. He's pissed. And I'm pretty sure this a way to try and lift himself up a bit. I mean, like mentioned above, there is nothing wrong with liking your appearance. And he IS freaking handsome. He's not lying when he acknowleges that fact.

Of course you could twist his words and say, oh he's arrogant and vain. But people can say lots of things and not actually be a bad person.

And while true vanity is a bad trait, it doesn't make one a villain. Let's compare Magnifico to Gaston for a second.

Gaston is rude from the very beginning. He's selfabsorbed and narcissistic all the way and the only thing he cares about is himself. He shows off to be praised simply for selfgratification and because he thinks he's the center of the world.

Magnifico cares immensily for others and wants acknowledgement for it. Who wouldn't? If you do something great and constantly care for others and still aren't really appreciated for it, who wouldn't be like, "I do all this and you thank me by doubting me and wanting even more? How ungrateful can one be?" And the only things we see people acknowledge him for, is 1. His ability to do magic and grant wishes, and 2. His handsome looks.

I totally understand that he's fed up at one point. Deep down wishing someone would see him for the man he truly is below all his abilities and appearance.

Gaston would walk over dead bodies to get what he wants and in order to look good. He has 0 compassion and 0 remorse.

So, even though Magnifico is a "little" vain, he's not out of evil reasons! It literally doesn't harm anyone and it doesn't cause others to suffer. If someone tells him "You're handsome." He replies, "I know."

Good! Too many people look into the mirror and hate themselves. Of course, humbler people would just reply with "thank you." But still, this isn't a solid point to call someone a villain or bad person.

Ok, now. So far we have absolutely no reason to assume Magnifico is a "villain" so let's skip to the part where it get's interesting!

The thing with the shape shifiting entity (star) happens. Something that is outside of Magnifico's power, something he doesn't understand and it terrifies him! Why? Not because he's a power hungry psycho, not because he enjoys controling people out of complacenty and is afraid to lose that. No. It's the desperation of feeling helpless, the terror of losing control, the fear of having the past repeat itself. That is what drives him mad.

Ultimately he becomes desperate and anxious enough to let himself get possesed. Even during the whole process, he says that he never wanted this, he swore he'd never let himslef be posessed. He further says, "To this book, I don't wanna be tethered, but desperate times call for desperate measures."

Let's hear that again folks! Real loud for all those in the back! He tell us 3 times, 3 times ! How he doesn't want to turn to darkness but he feels forced to do so. Why? Because of his trauma! Not because he's a villain. He doesn't want to lose his control out of fear!

Let me show you something.

There you have it! 🫴 it's that simple. I'm tired of traumatized characters being labeled as villains.

Oh yeah but he literally goes bonkers after he let himself be possesed by the evil from this book!

Yeah, sherlock, of course he behaved EVIL after that. That's literally the evil that possesed him! This doesn't make him a villain! It make's his whole situation even sadder and more tragic. The actions are obviously bad, "villainous" if you wanna call it that, but it doesn't make him a villain!

What happens to a scared animal that you force into a corner? It bites. Does this mean the animal is evil because it bit? No. It doesn't make the bite ok, but it doesn't make it evil either.

So, I, like many others also underline that Magnifico is in no way a villain but a traumatized good guy who sadly slipped.

His personality

Composed when needed

He can be bubbly as much as he can be calm. One of the first things Amaya tells Asha is that Magnifico likes to talk a lot, yet we never truly see him talk a lot! He is more calm than he is loud.

When Asha has her interview, he gives her room to talk rather than showering her in lectures of what he wants and what he expects. He's like "Go ahead, you tell me! Imma listen."

I actually feel this very personally because I'm someone who loves to talk. If I'm comfortable around someone and I made sure I can trust them, I can ramble for hours. I can talk and talk and talk like a waterfall. But at the same time, I can also be intensly quiet and listen well.

Childlike behavior

One of my absolute favourite characteristics in Magnifico is his childlike goofyness. He has this really pure cuteness to him and a bombastic humor. He doesn't pay heed if his behavior could seem akward to others, he just acts however he feels like. He's one of those adults that would still do all the things they enjoyed doing as a child or things that children normally do and I love that!

I cannot stop chuckling over the fact that he hippity hopps down one of his corridors, giving cookies to knight armors. If that isn't adorable I don't know what is! 😂

Also, please, that whole scene! The dance moves, the excitement, the expressiveness! Aaawwww!

He has a whole miniature model of his kingdom and he makes little interactive figures! I laughed tears because it's so funny and adorable! Like he's that kind of man that would cheer at the simplest accomplishments like a child unwrapping the toy the really wanted on christmas day.

There is so much we can find in here. He's :

Playful, creative, quirky, funny, passionate, imaginative, spunky, talented - the list goes on!

But let's keep going and listen to what else shimmers through the things he sings.

I'd give the clothes off Benito's back, if you really needed that

I'd be the first one to volunteer if your home were to crumble, or if you were in trouble

He doesn't just blabber nonsense here or lies. He truly would do all those things! Why else would he sing this while alone? He has no one around so one could say he's saying this on purpose to look good. He's frustrated, offended and slightly hurt and is speaking his mind and emotions. And we are shown this as an audience.

What do these lines tell us then? They tell us just what he actually is! Altruistic. It leads us right back to what we found at the beginning. His actual desire to help, keep safe and protect.

Why would he be the first one to volunteer if a home crumbles? Because his did. A king actually doesn't need to get his hands dirty. He has enough people to do things for him, yet he'd go out of his way to take matters into his own hands because he genuinly cares!

I let you live here for free and I don't even charge you rent

Doesn't sound like a power hungry, wealth loving, gold hoarding dictator to me. Get this, you are living in a kinddom for fee! No rent! The most money you make you keep and only a bit of it goes to the king to sustain the community. That's pretty awesome if you ask me.

I clean up all your messes and I'm always there when you need to vent

So he's not only selfless but a good listener as well. He doesn't judge. He, well -

I give and give and give and give-

He wants to make sure everyone is pleased. That's actually impossible but he still tries and is secrerly suffering deep down from it. If a person only ever gives and hardly gets anything back ... it's like you fill a container with water and there is no hole to drain it. Eventually you are so overly full of others problems, you suffocate or overflow.

It's SO sad that he doesn't have ANYONE to really talk to. He runs across half the palace to let out his emotions rather than seeking comfort from someone. (Which would be the oportunity to talk about Amaya but this is for another post!)

Charming, charismatic, proud, confident

The characteristics that make him attractive besides his looks. He's a gentleman, he knows how to use words well, he isn't afraid to speak his mind and carries himself with confidence, which is displayed in the way he walks. He either strides, has a light bounce to his step or a heavyness.

Ok, now, that we have the positives, we can acknowledge the negative and neutral ones. And everyone has negative traits. Again, some of Magnifico's negative traits are caused and or intensified by his ptsd.

Idealistic and perfectionistic -Magnifico constantly obsesses over how things should and could be. Chaos irritates him. He feels safe in clear structures and always strives for the best outcome for things. If something doesn't make sense for him, he feverly searches for answers until he finds them. If not, he panics. The tiniest feeling of potentially failing wrecks his nerves.

Impulsive - He's got a short temper. Yes, he can swallow a lot but if one crosses a certain line, he snaps. His emotions control him more than he controls them. And that goes both ways. Happy, sad, angry. He feels everything intense and reacts intense.

Stormy and insecure - He reacts very sensitive to stress. He feels a certain degree of urgency in his feelings and tends to be sucess-oriented. He always wants to improve and thus pressures himself.

Controlling - Magnifico's obsessive feeling of need to control comes from his traumatic past. As long as he's in control, he feels secure. He feels safe. Control is his safeplace. Not because he has evil motives but because in reality he's deeply insecure and anxious.

Paranoid and pessimistic - Again a trait that has been heavily altered by his ptsd. Originally he'd belong to the more cautious kind. Being cautious isn't something negative, it can be very helpful since one analyzes and observes carefully before choosing to trust or do something. But his trauma causes him to always assume the worst. He becomes critical where he wouldn't need to be because of his fear. (We see this with his decissions over wishes. He disregards some not because of ill will, ignorance or arrogance but because of his anxiety)

Stubborn - If Magnifico has set his mind on something he could go through walls with his head. Once he's determinded to do something, it's nearly impossible to stop him.

Distrustful - His paranoia and pessimism makes it hard for him to trust others. He becomes hard to read and hard to understand.

Now, once the evil that has been trapped in the book posesses Magnifico, he becomes ruthless, cruel and cynical. He steps into "villainous behavior" but is it what he truly is? NO! Of course not! If people talk about a classical villain, they mean a purely evil person from the very beginning of a movie/story. If we have a originally good guy, who, through circumstances, starts reacting and making wrong choices, we're talking about an antagonist.

And good grief, Magnifico was more than redeemable! If someone actually hadn't been blind to the true struggle of his soul, if someone had actually cared enough to save him! If someone had only truly loved him. He was used, wronged, backstabbed, betrayed, left alone and dropped like a hot potato the second he snapped. Poor Magnifico. He deserved better. Far better.

~

Thank you for reading! I'll soon post more of my analyses. 🧐

Also, creating a redemption story for Magnifico is the most fun I've had writing in a long while. 🌹 I'm excited to eventually share it with you, once it's done.

[kajibunny]

(header under construction!)

⟡ what i write ⟡

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ꕤ but my favorites are: ren kaji (ofc), suo and sakura - because i find their personalities so interesting!

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˖° 𐙚 about mii (⁎⁍̴̛ᴗ⁍̴̛⁎)⋆˚✿₊⊹♡

ꕤ intp-a, leo

ꕤ likes: clovers, cherries, bunnies, miffy, matcha, mochi, BL manga

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❥ my loves: kaji (wb), tsukki (hq!!), megumi (jjk), rin (bllk)

♫ now playing: lucky girl syndrome - illit

[emry-stars-art]

Aaaaaaaa I honestly need to know absolutely everything about the royal au!!! I don’t even have a specific question I just would love to hear any of your thoughts on everything. Also I love your art so much!! I might make fanart :p (that’s a big maybe I’ve got massive art block right now but if my brain functions correctly I absolutely will.) 🧡🧡🧡

Hello hi I DO have more :D I have a little pocket notebook that’s been my brainstorming and planning book that I’ve put all the ideas for this au in so far and I’m sure I’ve missed a few points so

There is art in this post, it’s Abram post-Evermore with a knife and very little control of his actions so I’ll stick it under the cut, at the end with some more angst 🙏 ANYWAY let’s see what we got

I haven’t colored it so you can’t tell but the twins frequently wear all white with silver embellishments as official/fancy outfits. They look ethereal. That’s all, next point

Most of them are still bi/multilingual but once again only some of their languages overlap. (I’m going to be keeping all the languages real/ones used in canon for clarities sake but who knows what they actually are in this universe.) Day and Abram can speak some Japanese, Abram doesn’t know a ton, but they only use it if they really really need privacy. Neither of them like using it. They also know some French (again, Abram not as much as Day) and Wymack knows some too (bc diplomacy or smth) and the twins and Nicky (Nicholas?) still know German. I also want Abram to start out knowing a fair amount of Russian (maybe from another ‘coworker’) just because I think it’d be fun, I dunno if that’ll change. These combinations can be used in any amount of fun ways I think

So there’s the obvious rule of ‘don’t get too close to the royal family’ right. Just the basic safety thing. But there’s that rule and then there’s the rule for Prince Andrew, where EVERYONE knows you do not touch the prince. With the king or queen or Duke Nicholas someone could always come forward, pay their respects, or even ask for a dance or something, I’ve decided they’re pretty lax about that kind of thing. But with the prince you can only offer your hand or something and he might just decide Not to shake your hand or whatever. And RIP to whoever tries to touch him without permission. So basically canon. When early story Abram first becomes familiar with this - while he’s still under Day’s supervision - he kind of looks at his arms-length perception of the prince and assumes it’s a ‘holier-than-thou’ bit, that the prince doesn’t want to touch the unwashed masses. One time Abram - Nathaniel at the time - approaches him too quickly too close (for some reason idk) and all Andrew can remember is Day’s heavy warning that no one get too close to Nathaniel without being accompanied and yeah, thinking back to their meeting that sounds about right, so Andrew immediately takes out one of his own hidden blades and stabs it into the table between them. Nathaniel stops short. Andrew says, “I am so clear, and yet people like you must think I’m lying. I don’t like being touched, Wesninski, and I’ll appreciate you to keep your distance.” And EVEN THEN Abram doesn’t realize exactly what that means but he’s a lot more careful after that.

Speaking of: what does make it clear is much later, maybe after Abram becomes officially Abram, they’re out in a parade or at a bazaar or something similar and the prince is in immediate danger, like something-is-falling-and-Andrew’s-gonna-get-crushed type thing, so Abram pulls him to safety. But they’ve been out in public where it’s loud and there’s too many people for long enough that Andrew can’t really help his harsh reaction, and it’s raw enough that Abram realizes “oh he’s serious serious.” So after that he adds ‘don’t let people get too close to or surprise the prince’ to his list of duties.

Okay okay not only does Abram wear a corset but the prince also frequently wears lace up/corset vests to parties and stuff (it’s probably what gives him the idea for Abram’s outfit). But yeah eventually instead of like Aaron or someone else trusted doing it up Andrew asks if Abram will help and pretends to be annoyed when Abram asks twice that it’s really okay, but as we all know he appreciates it and even secretly lets Abram decide for him; (“how much tighter, Your Highness?” “How does it look?” “”Hm. …I do rather think you look ball-worthy more often than not. Still - a little more?”) And then later when Abram gets his gifted outfit he expresses its convenient, but rather a shame it laces from the front, and then can only smile when Andrew tells him it is in fact wearable either way.

And yes. Confident no-need-to-hide-his-personality Abram accidentally flirts like A Lot (because why would he hide his opinion, he does think the prince looks good (just not for the purely aesthetic reasons he thinks it is past a point ya know 👀)) and Andrew is so frustrated because it’s an accident until one day it isn’t. Rip Your Highness

WAIT BACK TO NICKY. idk what to call him here, the twins can still call him Nicky but he’s probably formally/publicly known as Nicholas or Nick. Since the world is a little less heteronormative, Luther does not have an issue with Nicky’s sexuality but he is livid that Nicky is trying to get with a commoner. Specifically a cute baker from the next town over that sometimes comes to do the medieval equivalent of catering at the castle for events or something idk. BUT as soon as Luther’s out of the picture for whatever reason Aaron and Andrew have no issue letting their cousin be “abroad” or “off on business” in about as vague of terms for like. A long while at a time. How official and professional of Duke Nicholas. Mhm. No, they will not be taking any more questions

In this au Abram and Aaron are neither friends nor enemies, Aaron would just really love to associate with Abram as little as possible and Abram’s totally fine with that. Absolute masters of staying in their lanes. But when Katelyn gets a little too drunk at a party and wanders away from Aaron and Wilds, for way too long, and Aaron starts getting worried - where is my wife I hope she’s okay - Abram’s found her and has been watching her. Wilds can see Aaron’s relief when he realizes that, because yeah they’re not friends but Aaron knows for a fact that Abram will take as good care of Katelyn as he ever does of Andrew, maybe even more so. That Does Not Mean he likes him any more than he does currently tho. (This becomes a frequent occurrence. Party Queen, Her Majesty Katelyn Minyard)

The prince asks, “When do you relax, Abram.” “Occasionally when I am off duty.” “Are you not off duty now?” Abram smiles. “I am off duty when the only person’s safety in my hands is my own, Your Highness.” (Where does this go? Completely up to you, have a blast)

Okay moving onto the angst.

Abram cannot outrun his past forever, especially since he’s not running at all. And not just from the Moriyamas. I don’t know how, but maybe someone in the general castle ranks figures out where Abram comes from and is (rightfully, unfortunately) immediately on edge. It ends in a mob of castle workers/knights/etc finding Abram and bringing him to the king, queen, and prince, announcing that this man comes from Evermore, he must be a spy, he must be just waiting for an opportunity to cause the royal family harm. He’s stolen into the prince’s good graces with the worst of intentions. And the issue is: I don’t think Day ever told the family he knew this. He kept it hushed for a while as to not cause a panic (part of the reason he was ever lenient and gave Abram a chance was obviously because he himself was in almost the exact same position). And then when Abram proved himself trustworthy he didn’t want to ruin Abram’s chances at having a fresh start. So as far as Aaron and Andrew are aware, the mob is right. That doesn’t make it easier for them - they all trust Abram as much as Day does, they suspect now that Day might have known given his initial reaction to Abram, but what does that matter when Abram’s proven his loyalty so many times - and in the confusion, Andrew has no damn idea what to do. He can hear Aaron whisper beside him, “Andrew,” but even if the mob is right Andrew can’t bring himself to be the one to execute any sort of judgement. He returns, “this is your jurisdiction. Tell me your decision once you’ve made it.” And he can’t stay there any longer. Abram watches him leave silently from the center of the mob.

But Aaron doesn’t want Abram hurt either. He’s sure there must be some misunderstanding, he needs to talk this over with his advisors. So he does nothing more rash than send them all to leave Abram in a holding cell until they can figure it out. When Andrew hears about this, he gives himself the full day to make sure he’s got his head in order before going down to the basement. Abram hardly moves from his place in the corner of the cell. Andrew asks for an explanation and for once, Abram has nothing to say. Nothing more than Andrew’s heard already, he says. Once again, Abram waits to be served a death warrant. And again it is refused him. After it’s more or less cleared up, the biggest issue is getting the general public to even begin to trust their prince’s closest servant again.

(Read a snippet of their conversation in the cell here since this is already so long lol)

Lastly. It’s a good thing, I think, that Day put himself in charge of Abram immediately once he’s back from Evermore. Not for Andrew’s sake this time, though that’s still certainly the case, but I kind of think Abram would have come out worse on the other side even despite Andrew’s best intentions and efforts. And the issue would be that Andrew is too patient and careful with his words. Because while he’s recovering (specifically his sight) Abram is a danger to both himself and the people around him. Like this.

Neither Day nor Andrew are afraid to get a few cuts or bruises; the difference is Andrew would have tried to hold him too gently, just take the blade by force and it probably would have ended with more superficial wounds on them both than Day’s approach. Meanwhile Day isn’t afraid to do what he needs to do to get results. Once he realizes the extent of the trauma around ‘if you are like a dog you will be as obedient and loyal as one’, he can use that. Instead of trying to take the knife by force here, all Day has to do is say “Nathaniel, drop it,” sharply enough, and Abram’s muscles react before his head can. I don’t know how long it would take for Andrew to resort to the same thing. If that makes sense, anyway, I might be wrong on this one. (It’s one of the things I’d have to put a lot of thought and maybe even writing into to be sure of.) Anyway if Andrew heard this happen he’d be incredibly angry, but Day never uses it without very, very good reason. It keeps Abram from hurting himself too much.

So that’s like all the extra random points I had in my book :D once again, no idea where they fit in a timeline but they’re here in my head floating freely around on colorful inner tubes, occasionally bumping into each other. I really appreciate you enjoying this so much, I hope it is everything you wished and more 🥰 also omg… if you make art I’d DIE to see it, I’d be so honored 🥹

[miracles-and-butterflies]

Very late, I know, but finally filling out week one of the Madrigaydays 2024 prompt: discovery.

A short one shot where Mirabel realises she wants something more than the friendship she has with Sera. Set four years after the film.

A Lovely, Little Discovery

It hit her like a ton of bricks.

Which may be ironic considering that she has actually had a ton of bricks fall upon her and it certainly does not come from nowhere. Getting caught in Casita’s collapse was certainly not sudden. It was not quiet. It had been obvious, everyone knew it was happening. It had reason to happen. It did not make her sweat. It did make goosebumps prick up along her skin; that part had not changed.

That, Mirabel could understand. She had played the moment over in her mind more times than she’d like (to admit out loud) and sometimes left her awake at night, tracing her fingers along the walls just to be sure there were no cracks.

But this random revelation that she was enamoured with Sera Velasquez? No. She doesn’t understand it.

It had come to her while they were walking through town. Having been startled by some children playing, she had dropped her embroidered fan and Sera had picked it up and handed it back to her.

Honestly, it really shouldn’t have been something so notable; Sera probably didn’t think anything of it. Luisa, Antonio or even Isabela would probably have done the same thing if they had been there instead. There was nothing special about it. And yet, to her, it was everything.

She loved Sera.

She loved the feeling of them walking with their arms linked together, side by side. She loved how Sera never batted an eye when a parasol, equally covered in signature embroidery, would join them on these walks and would insist on carrying it for her. She loved when their walks were made longer, both of them stopping to talk or work on their respective creative passions. She loved how, even when the weather was rough, Sera would make the trip to Casita and walk her around the dining room for an hour or so - just so they wouldn’t lose that time together.

She loved Sera’s person more than anything. She had never met someone so assured of themself and confident in their own skills. Sera was brave and bold, one of the warmest and most welcoming people in Encanto. It was easy to feel comfortable in her presence. She was passionate about art and dance, almost putting Luisa to shame in the latter, she seemed to be someone who was born to impress. She was incredible at reading people, knowing exactly what they wanted and made it look effortless. She appreciated Mirabel’s snarky comments and made her laugh as they whispered through parties neither of them wanted to be at. She was a praiseworthy friend and deserved every word of it.

How did this even happen? She wasn’t trying to fall in love by any means!

She already knows she has no sexual feelings, interests or desires - that isn’t just complete revulsion - and with that, a lack of physicality. Romance had always been the same. Well, until now. And it’s not like it’s changed; not really, not fully. She can’t imagine feeling this way about anyone else who isn’t Sera Velasquez - if anything, that same sheer disgust creeps back into her system at the thought of being with someone else and it makes her skin crawl.

It was only Sera that didn’t make her feel that way.

She didn’t want it to stay a friendship. She wanted it to be something more, though she was not entirely sure what. Maybe not a full on romantic relationship? But something more affectionate and personal than this platonic companion.

Yes….

That might—

That would be lovely.

[awakenedsalamander]

Alright, so I’ve obviously given Mage and Vampire some attention. It’s about time I talk about Werewolf: The Apocalypse, you know, round out the “big three.”

Truth be told, I have kind of a love/hate relationship with Werewolf, though that kinda implies it’s an even split of things I enjoy and things I don’t, but that’s not quite correct.

A more accurate breakdown of my feelings would be something like:

- 60% stuff I really love and appreciate

- 20% stuff I go back and forth on

- 15% stuff I dislike but can tolerate (pretty standard for WoD)

- 5% stuff I really, truly, passionately loathe

And it’s honestly that last 5% that I struggle with most. To be clear, a lot of the WoD games have things in them I don’t just dislike, but find sincerely objectionable or harmful. (A certain Vampire sourcebook, the title of which I can’t even comfortably write out, immediately comes to mind.) But I get past those things, because 1) no work of art is morally flawless, and your tastes as a hobbyist or audience member are not your ethics as a human being and 2) a lot of that stuff is from the older editions and has largely been divorced from the game.

So what’s different about Werewolf?

Well, some of it lies in point 2— there are things in Werewolf that are bad and (barring the controversy of 5th Edition’s lore changes, which is a whole other kettle of fish that I’d rather not dive into right now) are still part of the game. Improved somewhat? Absolutely. But the ugliness of some choices still haunts the game.

The ways Werewolf: The Apocalypse talks about native peoples, from Indigenous Australians to First Nations Americans, is a big example. I don’t feel it prudent for me to go into those details, if only because I think it’s not my lane and voices from those cultures should really lead those discussions, but the game has a very weird attitude toward indigenous groups— at one recognizing their history and the atrocities they’ve come through with respect, while still finding ways to exoticize that history, and appropriate much of it. To say nothing of the ways in which it feels comfortable speaking over indigenous groups, even in matters of their rights.

That’s just one example. There’s the way Werewolf conceptualizes ethnicity and ancestry in general, which is weirdly archaic in places despite seemingly trying to criticize that view. There’s its approach to disability and bodies that differ from an assumed norm, which as many have observed can sometimes come across as genuinely eugenicist on occasion.

And of course, the game is about monsters— you’re not meant to agree with the Garou on much of their beliefs, and you’re meant to engage with those very real issues and wrestle with the right way forward.

And honestly? That last part— the reality of the issues at hand— that’s what makes the bad parts of Werewolf so hard to look past. You know, the other games in the World of Darkness deal with real world issues, but they do so in a fairly abstract way. Like, sure I can and do identity the Technocracy of Mage with destructive and cruel systems of power in the real world, but like… there isn’t actually a league of hypereconomists using secret math to influence the fate of the world. That’s just an exaggerated and metaphorical way to engage with the problems at the heart of a late-capitalist world.

But Pentex? Pentex is basically real. The Apocalypse in Werewolf: The Apocalypse is climate change. It’s happening now. When the game tells you that you need to Rage against the dying of Gaia… that’s almost as literal as it gets. And that makes its fumbles, its mistakes, and yes, its deliberate offenses, harder to swallow. The stakes are high enough that when things are wrong, it really hurts.

But… let’s also acknowledge: The reality I’m talking about it? It’s what makes that 60% stuff I like so amazing. The lows of Werewolf are hard to stomach, but the highs are just… exhilarating.

Like, Werewolf is a game that says, “You see the state of the world? You see its monstrous past? Its insidious present that only hides the horror? Do you see the doomed future its on a crash course with? Let’s take it, and let’s rip it to fucking shreds. It these tyrants and thieves want to kill the world, then we’ll kill them first, if that’s what it takes. If the Apocalypse happens, it happens on our terms, on the terms of the people being victimized and shoved to the margins. You and I? We’re gonna build a better world or die trying. All our anger might ruin us, but we have to try. The consequences of our actions are dire, but we don’t go down without making the bastards work for it. Not without a fight.”

And fuck, when the game is saying that? It’s priceless.

In fact, this has all been too down on Werewolf as a whole. I want to get my problems with the game out front, just to acknowledge them and keep space for the critique and change that they demand, but at the end of the day, I am a Werewolf: The Apocalypse fan (if one with a lot of notes). I want to do something a little unusual and show you an outline for an Apocalypse chronicle I haven’t yet had the chance to run, to show you what I love about the game.

So, stay tuned for a glimpse into that later— a glimpse into “Blood Ripples Out.”

[co-co-ocelot]

(I just realised I've never made an intro page- OOPS. WELP. Here it is!)

Salutations! My name is Co Co Ocelot, because no you do not get to know my real name get DUNKED ON. >:D

The things I like right now:

-Undertale

-Five Nights At Freddy's

-Genshin Impact

-Hazbin Hotel + Helluva Boss

-Cult Of The Lamb

Asks: OPEN

What is on my account?

Generally art- specifically OC X Cannon (if you don't like that, I can respect it but that's like the majority of my stuff so you probably won't like my blog, but hey! You never know if I could change your mind :D), Fanart, My ask blogs (which are also probably mainly OC X Cannon- which I'll get into a little later), and reposts.

What are the rules here?

Comments:

-13+ (I mean... Not like you'll listen but still. I'd like to put it there for consideration.)

-No hate for unjust reasons, such as disliking a ship, thinking something is cringe, or disagreeing with an opinion of mine. However! If you are respectful with criticisms or corrections for just reasons such as myself unintentionally coming across the wrong way, this is perfectly fine. We are all human and make mistakes, so if I do something that could come across as offensive, please tell me! I'll really appreciate it.

-Absolutely no racism, homophobia, transphobia EXC, because this will result in a ban. I will tell you though, just telling you what you said was X, Y and Z. I can understand that people make mistakes, or something could be taken the wrong way, so just be careful about this sort of thing to avoid any miscommunication.

-No self promotion (it's kind of rude T<T)

Asks:

Please don't ask:

-Questions about myself, please keep it to the characters, though I do appreciate the interest. <⁠(⁠￣⁠︶⁠￣⁠)⁠>

-Overly sexual asks, (Such as graphic descriptions- but just asking a character "doth thou plough?" Is fine and honestly pretty funny. Just don't take it too far.) (⁠ ⁠◜⁠‿⁠◝⁠ ⁠)⁠♡

-Ask anything litterally illegal or inappropriate/creepy? Such as PDF-file type behaviour. That stuff is real nasty.

Please do ask these however! And don't be afraid to ask stuff that's not on here! As long as it doesn't go against the "don'ts" section, you're good! Just remember to not be worried, because of you do anything I'm not comfortable with I'll let you know and add it to the list of no-goes, zero hard feelings! (⁠*⁠˘⁠︶⁠˘⁠*⁠)⁠.⁠｡⁠*⁠♡

-Angst (So asking sad questions, making characters remember stuff that no person should ever experience- but what's the point in having a favourite character if you don't mentally and physically destroy them? I LOVE THAT SHIT)!

-Asking about the characters, head cannons, or story! This one is a BIG yes please! It helps me build the story as we go along.

-Anon magic- that stuff is really funny (⁠≧⁠▽⁠≦⁠)

-Show off your OCs! For an example, if your OC is a new employee of Vox Tech, I may have them sometimes be in the background of the panels, occasionally coming in and doing tasks, exc! Just tell me a little about them and their personality and I'll so it! ✧⁠◝⁠(⁠⁰⁠▿⁠⁰⁠)⁠◜⁠✧

What ask blogs are available right now?

Current counting: 1

Secret Garden: OC (Rosemary) X Vox

Yes this is inspired by Flower Fell the Undertale AU ｡⁠:ﾟ⁠(⁠;⁠´⁠∩⁠`⁠;⁠)ﾟ⁠:⁠｡

Content warnings for this blog:

- Gore

- Valentino. I hate that fucker

- Dark/Downright disturbing themes such as SH, SA, PTSD, Child abuse/SA, manipulation, exc... (I'D LIKE TO EMPHASISE THAT I AM NOT ENDORSING THIS, IT'S JUST ONE OF THE CHARACTERS BACKSTORY, AND AT NO POINT IN THE STORY IS IT VIEWED IN A POSITIVE LIGHT)

- Generally soul crushing angst

- Oc x Cannon... If you don't like that for some reason (I'm judging you, it's the best)

Context summary:

The curse:

-A few years back, (post Vox vs Alastor) a man named Zentheal hired Rosemary, a sinner who, as things were then, had a tight hold on pentagram city's drug rings, meaning they had power. He could 'respect' that, he just chose not to because he's a dick. He hired them to spy on a business rival for quite the attractive price.

-Despite the blatant disrespect and death threats if failure occurred, Rosemary accepted, (not that they they had the option to say no) but rather quickly found out said business rival was a nightmare, and it was like staring at paint dry.

-Rosemary ran out of time and Zentheal was beyond livid. After a rather brutal torture session he sent Rosemary back home, completely unaware of what the upcoming hours would entail.

-Pain. Lots of it. And none of it having to do with the torture. The flowers that already held their roots under their skin ever since they arrived in hell...were spreading.

-Rosemary had thrown up from the pain twice, completely immobilised while the flowers slowly breached the surface of their skin, and in the end they experienced all that pain for a mere...what? 7-8 flowers to grow?

-This couldn't be safe at all... Were they going to die...?

How they met the Vees:

- Recently, Velvette and Rosemary had done a collaboration, where -essentially- Rosemary gave Vel a boatload of the strongest drugs they had so she could give them to her team and see what shit they cooked up. It was mainly out of boredom but oh BOY did people go crazy for the nonsensical designs the buzzed out designers made. Both sides saw increased sales from then on, so they decided to do another collaboration in the near future.

- Velvette and Rosemary ended up becoming good friends from that encounter, meaning they came over to the Vee tower often to hang out, becoming quite familiar with the three. Velvette just made sure to keep them FAR away from Valentino.

Where the story is currently:

- All three of the Vees, as it stands right now, are unaware of Rosemary's curse.

- Vox is still stuck in an incredibly toxic an abusive situationship with Valentino, who is getting more and more insane by the day. Vox is getting sick of it.

- Vox is considering letting Rosemary join the Vee's, but is debating it, since Rosemary and Valentino get on awfully. They both want to kill eachother, and oh boy do they try.

What happens next? You'll have to ask and find out.

[catbountry]

Hi, I'm the one who made the Respawn of the Dead page on Fanlore. I'm sorry about the misinformation about you being an admin and it's fixed to be accurate now to say you were just a mod.

And I'm sorry about not disclosing that you've since distanced yourself from that site. Thats now in there too. I respect you as a fic writer both for your fic (loved the TF2 Harlan Ellison and Steven King-inspired ones) and because it's impressive that you've kept your username for so long. I think that literally everyone who's been online long enough can theoretically be "canceled" on the Internet if everything they've ever done was connected to only one pseud, including myself. Fandom's honestly a minefield that doesn't take to cultural changes at all. The culture of, say, 4chan, Tf2chan, those things, it's so different compared to today. Same with Kiwifarms when it was just known for being the CWCwiki. One day, the culture of social media will be just like those, and I think being able to own up to who you were then to compare with how you are now, as a better person, is a respectable skill to have.

I don't know everything you've done, (I know some of the Vade thing and some of what's on the receipt blog,) but it seems some Fannish people just see "Kiwifarms" and think you're supporting the site as it is currently, which wasn't what it was back in the 2010s. I tried to be very neutral since I figured TF2 Tumblr/Twitter would find my article first, but now it's more positive on you and your body of work on there. I'm sorry that the article brought up old wounds, hopefully all misinfo on it is fixed now.

Wow, I actually wasn't sure if I'd get a response. Thank you for being so considerate, for enjoying my fic, and being so understanding. I used the same pseud for years because, well, I'm proud of Respawn of the Dead, warts and all. I don't want to distance myself from it and I'm okay with it being my legacy. Also I'm just absolutely lousy at hiding myself. If I changed my name, people would figure out it's me, so I don't really bother.

If you don't mind, just for the sake of fandom oral history, I'd like to expand upon the period of Medic being a Nazi in fandom. This might be interesting to you as somebody interested in TF2 fandom lore.

Medic being a Nazi was assumed by a lot of fans, due to him fitting a bunch of "Nazi mad scientist" tropes. This remained the case until fans went to Valve's headquarters and straight up asked an employee if he was, to which they were told "no." And then people stopped writing Nazi Medic (for the most part) because it wasn't canon. People still made art but again, we did not know the horrors that the future had in store for us.

It really is wild to think how drastically things have shifted politically online since the late 2000's, when nobody could have predicted that being a Nazi would be anything but the most fringe of fringe, and these people would be regarded as internet sideshows to be gawked at and trolled. Also, Respawn of the Dead was written around the time Inglorious Basterds came out, so there were a lot of sexy Nazis or repentant Nazis in certain fandoms at the time.

There was a TF2 fic, I believe it was called Do No Harm, that legit had Medic working in a concentration camp in a position where he felt like he had to work there or he'd be shot, and he ate human flesh given to him by an evil, Aryan Nazi OC. I don't know if the author distanced herself from the work, because she did re-work it to make it into an original novel that she sold on Amazon. I absolutely could not see anything written like this now that wasn't some kind of dogwhistle, but the author was pretty progressive, actually. So much so we had a fight while I was in my anti-SJW phase and she did not appreciate me bringing up the things she wrote about that emphasized the humanity of a Nazi character, who in all fairness, did deflect in her story. I'm sure she's probably put a lot more distance between herself and that story in the years since, given the way things have gone since Trump's presidency. I wouldn't know, though, since we don't talk, and haven't in nearly a decade.

The person who wrote that is probably forgotten by anybody who wasn't in the fandom at the time, even though she was known for this fic and it was praised almost universally when it was being updated. But she was not the only one doing this. I cannot emphasize enough just how far in the past Nazis felt to us. At the time, being a Nazi was a stupid way of thinking that would never come back outside of attention-hungry edgelords co-opting its imagery, especially in America, an allied nation that loves using Nazis as villains in its media. If you told any of us in 2009 that fascism and white nationalism would make a comeback in America, we would not have believed you unless you were counting neoconservatives and evangelical white Christians as Nazis, and while I think a lot of those people are now pretty much that nowadays, back then it would have been a little bit of a stretch. But the thing is, the white supremacy on an institutional level was always there. We didn't really notice it until it started being pointing out, and at the same time, a bunch of fuckin' white nationalists and neo-Nazis just started popping up all over the place because someone with blue hair and pronouns told them a video game character having her titties out was bad or something. I'm still not entirely sure how that escalated that quickly, but Jesus Christ. It's a shame "clown world" got used mostly by right-wing people online because the label feels pretty apt and also applies to them a lot more. There is something deeply pathetic but also kind of hilarious about filming yourself letting a gas stove burn, or shooting cases of beer to own the libs.

I think most people that used TF2chan are pretty progressive now, a lot of them have come out as some flavor of queer, and the use of "-fag" as a suffix is frowned upon in the official TF2chan Discord server as being incredibly childish and cringey. We were all young adults but clearly we had a lot of growing up to do. I think it is important to point out that a lot of this edgelord shit done at the time, while hurtful and not cool, was done by a lot of people who hadn't figured out who they were yet, and weren't really bad people. Dr. Tanner, who was actually the first person to write a TF2 longfic and beat Respawn of the Dead by at least a few months with the first version of The Lessons (which is gone now), got cited by name in an interview with an old TF2chan user for being really racist, sexist, homophobic and transphobic, only to completely turn around once he came out as trans. I think a lot of this behavior kind of functioned as a shield, because there was still a separation between the internet and real life. Now, there's more people on the internet with less websites people visit, and fandom spaces where everyone is an adult are harder to find. Everything is very politically charged now. The right-wing is further to the right than it was even when I was a teenager and a young adult during Bush's presidency, which given that we got into two forever wars under his administration, is insane to think about. It doesn't feel real, but it is.

So yeah, that's why nobody writes or draws Medic as a Nazi anymore, and that's a good thing. Sorry for the tl;dr.

If you have any questions about old TF2chan and TF2 fandom, I'd be happy to answer them.

[feralkwe]

thinky thoughts

i was driving home with a friend yesterday, a friend i've had almost 20 years now, who was my very first internet friend in the early aughts when feminist blogging was in its heyday and who has become an irl friend now that i've moved to the mainland. she has functioned as a big sister in my life all this time. i love her to pieces, and my life has significantly improved with her in it.

we were talking about how weird it is to think the age our children were when we met, and the ways their lives and our lives have changed over the course of our friendship. we both started out single mothers stuck in poverty, and had our respective journeys out of those circumstances during which we've been supportive to one another, helping each other out when we had the means to do so. we've veered in and out of connected interests. i'm a gamer, she's never been into games and more often than not has no idea what i'm talking about. i have no grasp of interior design or fashion, and she has a knack for these things. but we take interest enough to appreciate what these things mean to each other. we've had disagreements and even fights over the years, but at the end of it we found the relationship to be worth the work you put in to maintaining it.

i met my best friends over fifteen years ago through fandom. we formed a fast kinship out of what we joke to be our objectively correct fandom opinions, mostly about the same character from that fandom. over the course of time we've wandered out of overlapping fandoms, supporting one another in our interests even though we didn't share them. i've read some of their fic in those fandoms. i've reblogged art of characters i know nothing about. we find dumb ways to show our interest in their interest. we found the connections beneath the fandoms, the human bonds, and built something enduring and beautiful that i can honestly say i could not be the person i am today without. even when we eventually fell into the same fandom again, we wound up engaging with it in very different ways. but we support each other, gently rib one another over "being wrong" and realize that at the end of the day, those things are ephemeral. our friendship endures.

i met my spouse almost 20 years ago, about the same time i met my big sister. we met through a job, both having come from backgrounds of poverty. we both enjoyed gaming (he started me on my first mmo), but quickly discovered we like very different games, but even when we play the same games we engage with them in very different ways. we share almost no other interests. he likes action movies, i like dumb comedies. he listens to goth and rockabilly, and i'm a classic rock and pop princess. he's read about a third of one of three of my original novels, one of my published shorts stories (he helped me work out the science i used) and (thank fuck) none of my fanfiction. but he shares my work with others, listens to me natter on about games he doesn't play, and we even will watch movies together because we enjoy time together, and i like to bite him at random intervals to keep it real and go with him to look at parts for his bike.

my point (i actually have one) is that in order to build long-term relationships you have to find the connections beyond the fleeting. you remember that your big sis loves pink lipstick so you send her a trinket bowl shaped like pink lips, or that 'none pizza with left beef' makes your spouse lose it until they cry laughing. that one of your besties has a laugh that carries over even your own loud one making music of the two of you, and the other will chase canada gooses with abandon until you fall in the grass in delight. you smile when they talk about their favorite actual play podcast and squeal over their tattoo that is inspired by an anime you've never seen. you bring up old shit to drag them and never let them live down the goofs that made you all laugh until you cried. you send them dumb cards or plants when their life is hard and you can't be there to make them soup when they're sick. you do these things because you love them. you love them for all the bits and pieces that comprise their whole even when those things don't align with your own. you might find the initial connection in the shared interests, but you build bonds separate from those through the commonality of your humanity.

relationships, platonic, not, and familial, take work. you have to put in effort. you don't have to like the same things, but you do have to have room to allow those varied and separate interests to shine in who they are. you take delight in their joy and share comfort in their sorrow. you talk to them. you reach out to them. you show that they matter to you more than your differences. that's love. that's something that endures.

[ivyembracertifiedbitch]

FHJY Finale Thoughts: Episode 19

Disclaimer: I know I've been really negative about the last two episodes but I do actually have real criticisms, and I will try my best to not be just 'I hate this' about everything. No promises though. Also, none of this is hating the IH or Bleem. I respect that they're very fucking tired when shooting this and don't have a week in between episodes to think, and so these criticisms are made with that in mind. Also feel free to debate and discuss, I just wanted to share my opinions and try to pinpoint where the narrative went wrong, or where BLeeM could've made a better DM choice, but I love hearing other people's thoughts!

Bringing back K2: Bringing her back to have a second healer is really smart, but saying that Kristen liked having a sister around doesn't make sense. There was never any moment where Kristen and K2 seemed to get along, and honestly, I think K2 got along more with Fabian and Fig. Show don't tell is actually really good advice.

The short rest (and Ice Feast): Just nope. Nope. Not a fan, solidly don't like it. This is the big finale, and I felt more concern during the dragon fight than here. That's the problem with playing level 14 characters, I'm aware, but like. Not letting them take the short rest, actually having The Rat Grinders be skilled at fighting (If Brennan was lying about them grinding rats, you don't think he was lying about them only doing the killing blow on monsters? Plus, do you really think Porter would have his first worshippers and warriors only know how to do a killing blow?), having Kipperlilly steal the votes, anything man. Ice Feast played a big part in giving them the advantage, and I wasn't cool with that too. Taking away fire damage, making them unable to be stunned, all of that took away like the biggest threats of the fight. (I do think it's really cute that Brennan actually made Ice Feast for his friends, but allowing them to use it before the final battle, on top of the short rest was too much)

Strategy: Rewatching, it's actually fun to see them strategize because they're so good at it! It just sucks that they feel nothing but hate for these kids and we know that doesn't change after everything they've seen. And the narrative's going to reward them for it.

Squeem: Honestly? Also, not my favorite. Like, to have a short rest, and Ice Feast, and several allies on their way? What's the point of even fighting? Just skip to the victory dance. (Was so funny to have the return of hot chocolate with a shot of cortado, and lemonade cortado)

Battle Set: Once again, the art department has fucking slayed. Truly, such a work of art. 10/10, no notes.

Mary Ann: Not getting into it a lot with this episode, but see here for my general thoughts. Also, not happy with the cast's reactions to Mary Ann freaking out over getting her strawberry burned, as that's most likely her having a meltdown.

Ivy: I do appreciate Brennan trying to get the Bad Kids to be nice through the Hangman. Also, if Ivy truly does like looking good, great for her, but the only things we know about her at this time are that she's besties with Oisin, she was into Fabian, she's kinda bitchy, and some of her class stats. So the idea that just because she's a "mean girl" she'd take offense to getting called ugly feels misogynistic, especially coming from a complete stranger/someone literally not in her universe of existence. As for what Fabian said and did to Ivy, in my opinion, part of it is because he rejected Mazey at the party to impress her and feels bad, part of it is because she rejected him, and part of it is because he feels bad that he 'yes and-ed' the racist remark she made about Mazey. Also, the close proximity to the rage stars. I think he was wrong for what he said, and I'm not going to get into the virginity comment now because I still have a whole 'nother episode to get through, but I do want to say this is when Fabian/Mazey stopped being cute to me. Also, Brennan using Ivy's last moments to have her make a mean comment really feels like he's trying to cast her as the mean girl, which again, it's fine if she is. You can't convince me she's not just a kid scared for her life.

Oisin: Smart to get him somewhere he can't counterspell Adaine, and to take him out of the fight first, but why didn't we have anything directed at him? Like, I know that he never really got close enough to Adaine for episode 18 to be a full betrayal, but everything with Ivy and Ruben was so intense, I'd expect something. On behalf of Ivy and Ruben, I'm offended he was mostly left alone. As a general Rat Grinders enjoyer, this does count as a (small) w.

Buddy: So sad that Ally's insight roll on him failed, and I will not tolerate anyone calling him stupid or naive about the plan: see here. I get annoyed that Buddy was played up as a joke villain, but whatever! He's just a dumb southern hick, right?

Ruben: Saying there's no loyalty from Ruben is soo arrogant. They never emotionally connected so who would he be loyal to? The friends he's had for three years, or some random girl who had one real conversation with him? Tumblr user @rubenhopclap says it best. Fig's speech to Ruben is just *argh*. Girlie you don't know anything about him! (I do understand Emily's annoyance, because she did spend like at least one roll per downtime session on Ruben! But also... it was Wanda Childa talking to him, not Fig. He didn't have a real person to connect with, so why would he bother?) Like, out of all The Rat Grinders, we have explicit information that he is scared despite all of the rage and yet she just yells in his face? Thought the theme of the season was doubt beats anger, not war conquers rage. I'm also uncomfortable with Fig, who earlier in the season explicitly states that she think she's a monster for ruining one person's stay in hell as opposed to punishing all of them, deciding that just because Ruben was annoying and a waste of time he should be going to hell to be punished.

Kipperlilly: No notes. Literally, girlie was getting w's the entire episode.

Jace and Porter: No notes. Honestly? Their fucked up dynamic carried me through the finale.

The Lava: Just another solid no. With the amount of advantages we already have, it makes no sense to let their 'being immune to fire' translate to 'being immune to magma.' Bringing in some science, magma is literally a fourth state of matter, different from water. That's not going to feel like taking a swim, it's going to feel like getting crushed by cold lava. (Yes, I understand different DM's would allow that and different DM's wouldn't allow that, but with the advantages they already have, I feel like making them roll even for just half damage would be fine. Plus, fucking common sense says 'don't jump in lava, even if you have fire immunity.')

Making fun of Porter: I adore a group of teenagers just absolutely clowning on a 40 year old teacher, but I do wish they had engaged with the themes. We know it's really fucking likely The Rat Grinders have rage stars, and yet they just completely skip the part that Porter can control anyone with a rage star. And it's not like the Academy hasn't failed them before. It's not like Aguefort himself hasn't failed them before. They should be angry about that! Just, the refusal to engage with the themes in a story is irritating.

See Episode 20 thoughts here

[sillaysii]

hi neli!!!! you probably noticed how i was going crazy in my tags over ur art jghkkjg, i just now remembered that asks exist and that i should drop in to say smth first of all, i LOVE your art!!!! ur style is suuuper cute, and your silly little mice drawings are some of my faves in the patb fandom💕 i'm especially happy abt seeing a bunch of sleepy snuggling ones, i literally think about pinky and brain cutely sleeping together all the time but couldn't find any fanart like that, so ur blog is like a dream come true to me!! like honestly i saw them and went 🤯🤯🤯😫😫🥺🥺🥺🥰🥰 i genuinely love all artists in the patb fandom bc there's a tooon of wonderful talented and original ppl, but ur style is definitely one of the cutest imo, i looove when ppl draw mice fluffy and with huge ears!!!! i think it partially reminds me of bunnies, so they end up looking like two coolest rodents at the same time!! aand that also makes ur dark pinky fanart cooler, because dp looks adorable but is still a bad bitch so it kinda creates a contrast of sorts jgkhj i love that sm but like mice aside, ur woy fanart is so cool?? AND YOUR WARNER SIBS ARE ACTUALLY AMAZING???? i kind of wish you would draw warners more just because they look so nice in ur style (its okay tho if u want to just draw gay mice i totally respect that💯💯) also this is a bit unrelated but i was sooo surprised to see someone reblogging m&m stuff kljklkjljl (as in мастер и маргарита), не каждый день тут встретишь ценителей русской культуры 😌 anyway, amazing blog, amazing art, amazing taste in music (against the kitchen floor is literally pov brain realised that he's way too avoidant and you can't change my mind), u are very cool and i'm glad i found u on here👍👍 with love from blooky💜

OH MP GOD. For your information im not used to receive so many compliments at the same time and I’m kinda overwhelmed, but in a very positive way. THANK YOU SO SO SO SO MUCH ???? Drawing eepy snuggling mice is something I’ve been made for, that’s kind of my favorite genre of brinky art </3 I’m glad you love my art style, too, i love drawings the mice with huge ears, they’re so silly <3

I actually want to draw Warner sibs more, i just still didn’t completely develop an artstyle for them, but i miss them so much.

Also THE MASTER AND MARGARITA APPRECIATOR??? I literally FELL IN LOVE with this book the second I finished it, not to mention that I’m a huge Russian classics enjoyer in general, but Bulgakov has some books that i can reread many times and not get bored. Кстати русский я тоже неплохо знаю (8 лет жизни в России дают о себе знать) :3

Anyways. THANK YOU. SO SO MUCH. YOU LITERALLY MADE MY MORNING, MIGHT AS WELL A WHOLE DAY. IM LITERALLY SOBBING /POS. PLANTS A SMOOCH ON YOUR FOREHEAD THROUGH THE SCREEN /p

[dashawns-world]

Been a little bit since my last post! Sorry this one isn’t going to be a very long one either. I’ve been very busy with my new job and personal work, but I did want to talk about three movies I saw recently! And while I won’t spoil anything major, these thoughts may cloud your judgement going into the films, so I recommend avoiding if you wanna go in with an open mind. Anyway, let’s go:

BARBIE

Barbie was such a fun film! It made me laugh out loud way more than it had any right to. Seriously, there’s a joke Will Ferrel nonchalantly says that I can’t get outta my mind. I had tears in my eyes. Not gonna spoil it but if you know, you know. The themes are quite existential, but in a playful enough way that I didn’t leave it thinking “bummer…” If I had to complain about anything, it’s that Barbie was kinda inactive for the final act. To the point where I was asking myself “what is Barbie doing?” Maybe you’d see what I meant if you watched it. (Or disagree) I still had a good time tho.

It’s worth a watch!

TMNT MUTANT MAYHEM

This is my favorite TMNT movie now, and my favorite personification of the turtles. The art direction, emotional stuff, comedy, action, and characters were all on point. There’s a moment where Leo has a heart to heart with his bros that didn’t feel as earned as it could’ve (on first viewing) I only bring this up because it’s a thought I had as the scene was going on. Where as everything else in the movie felt organic and original, this scene felt like a tried and true motivational speech beat that these types of movies generally have. If that makes sense? I’d have to watch it again to be sure. And thankfully, I’d gladly watch it again because I had such a good time.

Watch itttt!!

THEY CLONED TYRONE

This is a Netflix original and boy was I blown away. I swear, John Boyega is on Leo DiCaprio’s level of changing into a whole new person for his roles. I’m never sure who I’m gonna get. He really killed it. I’m not gonna spoil this movie and honestly if you go in blind it might be better. The directing is really REALLY good, too. There’s a scene that I really loved, where we’re with a character for an extended amount of time in one shot. This is to build tension for a pretty crazy moment afterwards and it was VERY well done. These types of scenes are so cool to me because I’m used to cutting often in animation. But in live action, these scenes are really good for getting inside a character’s head. I really can’t explain without spoiling but if you’ve watched the movie, I thiiiiink you know the scene I’m talking about.

Anyway, the cast, direction, and plot are all top notch. Jamie Foxx is hilarious as always, and Teyonah Parris gets to shine in this film. I loved her character in this compared to Wandavision where her talent was wasted.

I think this movie is perfect for the culture, but if you’re not typically into movies with a majority black cast that deals with African American issues (in a really good way) then you probably won’t be impressed. Your loss, though! I believe that this, alongside movies like The Woman King, The Harder They Fall, and Get Out are examples of movies that have clear parallels to others in their respective genres, but add a twist that I appreciate because of their characters and writing. I used to be stuck with hood movies, but now I get hood mystery movies. I love it, is all I’m saying.

Anyway, I know what the next deep dive is gonna be. I just need to set aside free time to write it up. I’ve been wanting to do a write up about beat em up games. My favorite one, in particular. I want to analyze what I like about it, and what I don’t. Might do more drawing to go alongside it too. Anybody remember Advance Guardian Heroes?? Brace yourselves, lol.

[fifisfia]

I don't think Yamato is getting the love that he deserves from people, like why isn't anyone talking about him as much? Yamato had been alone all of his life (accept with Kaido or the people serving Kaido). He also had explosive chained handcuffs on his arms to keep him from escaping because they knew if they had a choice. He would leave them without a thought. Now think about it. Yamato basically had no friends for the longest time and because he was a child do you really think that he would want to stay in a place like that?

Yamato found a handwritten book about a legendary samurai of Wano, without even knowing how to read as much. Yamato accepted the book as his own and because he had a feeling that the book was one of a kind.

Once he was able to understand the words, Yamato didn't hesitate to take his personality and incorporate that into his own for the sake of Wano. Even though he knew that once people knew about him being Kaido's son, they would treat him no better than his father. Imagine being treated like that in your world, you having to hide away because of your families reputation... For anyone going through that, stay strong my guys! You're awesome and don't let anyone stop you from being awesome! 💪

(art study by this piece right down below! ↓)

Back to the subject, Kaido, we all know who he is and I honestly don't want to describe him as much because this is about yamo, not him. Yamato was thrown into the rock dungeon because he believed in Oden thinking that the hungry samurai's would eat him or something 💀 but little did he know that the samurai's there treated Yamato a lot better than anyone had for the longest of times.

Just step into Yamato's shoes for a second, this kid grew up with no mother, a basically non existent father, no friends, and was thrown in rock jail as a kid for saying he likes Oden. We should respect the fact that Yamato stayed so strong for so many years. even though being Kaido's son had hurt him deeply. We as an audience got to see more sides in Yamato than just being "Kaido's son". He endured every little bad thing that came his way for the sake of Wano. Once he saw the tiniest shred of hope. Yamato did not hesitate to take the matters into his own hands

(Which is why I also think the relationship he developed between Ace was really special)

Ace might not have not fulfilled his promises to Yamato, but he did spark that flame inside if him, and changed his viewpoint in himself to keep him going strong for many future years. Ace was the one friend that believed in him. He knew Yamato was strong, and he wanted him to continue growing stronger even after he left. We also got to see our Yamato smile again 🥺 who wouldn't like to rewatch episode 1015 again for that sake?

Even though Ace left him all alone. This time Yamato knew what needed to be done, and he also knew that a notorious pirate will come roaming through the oceans, and eventually land to the land of Wano. His brother luffy.

He knew that once the time came, the Wano that everyone had been dying to restore will be achievable because of Luffy. So Let's all be silly and stay happy knowing that our boy Yamo is happy, he deserves it.

Also... This is very random but Feminine Yamato is so fun to draw. I love Drawing him as the most female looking guy in the show. Let's show some appreciation for Yamato!