#like i hate facebook. so i dont go on it anymore. it was really just that damn easy.

[bleuberrygliscor]

not to be a buzzkill or anything, but maybe dont just do surveymonkey surveys from a blog that has killed the reblogs for those posts, from before the summer, and specifically asking about your usage of other competing social apps.

especially if you think that tumblr is morphing into those other sites.

[strawbs-screaming]

☆ how the boxers sleep + what they wear ☆

i made this for ref to future references to any writing i might make + it was fun thinking about this, enjoy my less propaganda filled screaming

Glass Joe

- a sleepcap with the robe thingy

- seriously, look at him and tell me he wouldnt wear the honkmimimi fit

- doesnt snore thankfully, makes up for that by speaking in his sleep and spinning around the bed like hell

- he'll go to sleep on his back and end up waking up using the blanket as a pillow while on the edge of the bed, facedown

- if you're asleep next to him, expect suprisingly strong kicks that makes dragon chan jealous

Disco Kid

- random pajamas, if its comfy, he shall wear it

- still as a corpse in his sleep + facedown

- sometimes sings in his sleep and its both terrifying and hilarious

-imagine trying to sleep and you just hear the intro to bad romance

Von Kaiser

- white T-shirt + black shorts, bland ass fit

- snores but not THAT much

- has severe insomnia so if you see him asleep, dont wake him up because 90% of the time its because he passed out

- doesnt spin like Joe but doesnt stay still either, just some slight turning

Piston Hondo

- has a whole lot of pajamas, ends up with pajama pants + some bland shirt of any kind

- no snoring, silent

- sleeps facedown, still alive somehow

- so still you might think hes dead

- mumbles in his sleep because holy shit we cant have one normal person who sleeps normally

King Hippo

- shorts, thats it

- snores like a broken car engine

- also spins like hell

- random mumbling 90% of the time

- probably ends up crushing someone in his sleep

Great Tiger

- sleeping mask with any kinds of pants + shirts

-slight snoring, not a AGHHHHHGHHNNBGGG but not complete silence either

- sometimes clones himself in his sleep, especially when hes worried about something he forgot to do/needs to do, its his version of sleepwalking, makes said clones do work

- laying in bed but he forgot to turn off the kettle? No worries, he'll send a clone for that

- also spins like a rotisserie chicken in his sleep

- has weird ass dreams every night, he woke up in a cold sweat because he had a dream about his clones refusing to work for him & overthrowing him somehow

- pillow stealer, enjoy your neck pain, fucker

Don Flamenco

- fancy robe + sleep mask

- quiet sleeper

- can and will grab onto anything when hes asleep & hug it and hold on for dear life

- you sleep with your arms stretched? Enjoy having your arm used as a personal pillow

- carmen hates sleeping next to him for that (and totally nothing else)

Bear Hugger

- some t shirt from Facebook with those auto generated quotes like "NEVER MESS WITH A LUMBERJACK WHO LIKES SEA SHANTIES & RAW FISH AND WAS BORN IN NOVEMBER!!" plus some pants he doesnt use anymore, this includes jeans of any kind

- snores like hell also, so loud you might need earplugs

- speaks in his sleep,he sometimes sleepwalks with his eyes open and it terrifies everyone

- its really random stuff too, usually related to whatever weird dream hes having

- it feels like when youre in a sleep over and someone keeps whispering weird shit thats so funny for some reason

- the "i like raw fish" quote comes from his sleeptalking too

Aran Ryan

- weirdest pajamas ever, nothing is matching, nothing fits together, his pajamas takes years off your lifespan

- speaks in his sleep, its always terrifying

- some of his fabulous speak talking quotes includes "the fog is coming" and "war"

- he wake up in the weirdest positions ever, he'll go to sleep on his side and when he wakes up hes on the floor

- spins in his sleep, both the y axis and x axis this time

Bald Bull

- tank top + pajama pants, classic dad fit

- loudest snorer ever, sounds like a nuclear siren

- sleeps with all his limbs stretched out, looks oddly similiar to family guy death pose

- sometimes ends up slightly headbutting people in his sleep, especially when hes having a dream that personally pisses him off, Just a slight nudge thankfully unlike joes organ-breaker combo meal over here

- ends up hugging his pillow when hes asleep

Soda Popinski

- any random combo of everything mentioned above, can and will wear jeans in his sleep

- suprisingly still when hes asleep

- no snoring too somehow

- sleepwalks a LOT, causing him to wake up in odd places, either on the floor or in a bathtub

- needs someone to check up on him whenever hes sleepwalking

Super Macho Man

- his own merch, no contest

- snorts in his sleep instead of snoring somehow??

- also stretched out like a starfish

- laughs in his sleep and its TERRIFYING.

- Blanket hog

Mr Sandman

- bland ass fit, either a tank top & shorts or anything with pajama pants, no jeans because hes sane like that

-oddly quiet, cant even hear him breathing

-sleeps face down & still

- is he dead or just asleep? Find out in the morning!

- no extra movement, at all

- literal statue

[puppyyboyy]

huge vent under the thingy

.

im really selfish i think, like i dont really do much for people and i dont like to talk to people anymore as much as i used to but i think im just scared of people now. my parents pulled me out of school so i wouldnt be bullied but i think it just made my social anxiety worse

im also really sensitive and cry easily and i dont like that, yesterday i almost started crying because i couldnt find a room number in school (i was there for exams) that was super embarrassing

today is my brothers birthday and he has special needs and i feel bad because he has no friends to celebrate his birthday and my sister left the house to go hangout with her boyfriend so its only my mom, dad and me there for him on his birthday and i feel so bad and im like miserable right now and i woke up really upset because i was almost late for my exam and i definitely failed it because i guessed on almost question and i talked about college today and my plans with my guidance counselor at school and she talked about what im gonna do after highschool and i dont know what i wanna do because i thought i was gonna kms at 11 years old and not have anything else ahead of me and im so lost now and i dont even know what to do anymore

and im crying because i cant stop thinking about all the stuff thats gone wrong in my life and if i did things differently i couldve been happier and a better person

and i feel bad cuz im ignoring literally everyone rn whos texting me and im just sitting on my bedroom floor crying and writing this lmao im literally venting on tumblr💀 how did i get this bad omg. i could use my notes app to vent but i also want someone to read this, like anyone idc who im not even asking for help i just wanna be seen in a way i think

and my head is always full of ideas and thoughts and its hard to do anything because its always racing and i dont like it at all and i cant ever find the right words to get all these thoughts out or draw them out because i make art but irs not good it sucks and i hate my art style and i hate how i cant draw poses right or render correctly it pisses me off

my sister is really good at art, she goes to college for it and is way better then me and my parents are always praising her about her art and i feel like ill never be as good as her with anything, shes an honors student and graduated almost top of her class and president of the art club at her highschool (currently my highschool) and i got pulled into a bunch of shit when i made friends at highschool and they are all older then me and have so much drama and i feel like no matter who im friends with i cant be friends with the other people i wanna be friends with because they have drama together and if im one persons friend then i cant be the other persons friend because then im a bad person and i just hate it so much i hate beiing around people and i hate having to pick sides and i wish i could kms and i wouldnt have to deal with anything anymore

and then with my sister- anything i do or make art of my parents are like "cool!" and move on with their rlife and when my sister does art they post it on their facebook and show other family members and praise her so fucking much. im not saying i want all that but it feels like they dont even care

and i also noticed i get less things at Christmas and on my birthday now ever since i came out as trans to my extended family like my grandparents and uncle and aunt, my sister and brother get a bunch of shit and ill get some books and some other shit i dont even want or asked for but my sister gets money and a bunch of shit she asked for (expensive things) and my brother gets new electronics every fucking year. he got the newest iphone and a ipad and a fucking 3d printer last christmas???? and i got books and a 20$ Michaels gift card? its so unfair i with i was cis and my family would like me more itd not even about the gifts its just in general they got so distant and weird with me i feel so odd when i go to family events

sexual talk here- and i feel really gross a lot of the time cuz im sexual a lot and i wish i wasnt because i always feel gross and idk it makes me feel weird i guess its just hormones and a trauma response from when i was younger but i just feel weird especially when im alone and im being sexual i feel gross after and i dont know why im like this

theres so much on my mind and im just like AGHHHH!!!!!! i wanna cut myself and bleed out everywhere istg (i wont actually cuz im very afraid of physical pain)

[away-ward]

KOOOOOOOOO,!!!.,

remember when anon and you discussed about willemmy and pd really thought we're the ones who read their book wrong when really it's their writing was whack? A couple of hours ago, willemmy stans on twitter are so mad because these pd replies in facebook.

delete space bwteen / and i:

https://x.com/ indieivar/status/1781880481740464260?s=61

delete space btween / and d:

https://x.com/ dearreadrr/status/1782044429635006885?s=61

girl, they really did NOT respwct their readers, AT ALL. they treat us like we 're dumb 😭 ohmygod i really am so upset about this? Like? Idkek what to say anymore, because my biggest upset about your many discussions with anon about how PD liked to gaslight readers when they wrote about situation a but they told us no, it was b, was right all along? Wtf? No because they literally said we dont like willemmy because its reverse grumpy sunshine?? And not because its their fault for listening to fb moms about inserting alex into nightfall? what the fuck is this kind of delusion? Pd is really the kind of author thats so?.. ugh. Idk man, god. I'm just so disappointed. They could just say, hey i'm i was stuck in a pickle when i wrote nightfall or something but to just say these? Why are we being gaslighted? Wtf?

ohhhh but they had time to build damon and rika's arcs? Oh yeahhhh. Ughhhh and they even gave us bonuses about them. I hate it here. I'm so upset idk.

Heyyy!!

Actually @kathanislilbitch posted about these earlier and we talked about it a bit there. I'm not sure exactly which ask you're referencing. If you get the number, I'll be happy to look, but no worries. I just might have some statements I need to walk back😅

That being said, it's super frustrating to see. The op in the screenshots seemed to ask for a guy that wasn't a jerk, and PD was like "well, I tried and nobody liked it."

And part of the problem was Alex, as well as the other characters trampling all over willemmy's time together. But people also didn't like how Will treated Emory outside of Alex. PD seems to struggle with understanding what really makes their MLI seem like jerks.

Either way, they clearly don't want to talk about Alex and it's probably because they're not going to change their mind, so it's a conversation that won't go anywhere. That's fair for them. It's their right. But then don't ask, and don't act like you don't know and haven't heard the complaints before.

It's ashame they won't just say they liked the Alex arc and understand that people don't, but it is what they wrote and they won't apologize for it. At least that would be honest.

Sorry this hurts. I can't say I'm too emotional-tied to PDs opinions, so for the most part I can ignore them and move on. Still, I definitely get that for those who want to be heard this isn't easy. I'm not sure what else to say other than try to focus more on the community and less on PD.

I'm sorry I'm probably not much help or comfort! But thank you for bringing this up. I'm sure so many feel the same way.

-ko

[homeofhousechickens]

im on a fb poultry page and today i noticed a ton of ppl asking about reputable hatcheries and in every post at least one person recommended cackle hatchery. do you know of any groups that are any good? no hate to the group but it just turns my stomach to see so many people referring to big industrial hatcheries as reputable just bc they didn't ship dead birds :/

I would say that i dont trust any company "hatchery" unless they focus on breed genetic preservation and health over production. Some private breeders call themselves hatcheries but its up to you the buyer to decide if that means they a legitimate passionate breeder. I just dont look at hatcheries at all anymore and only communicate with private breeders.

What sucks about chicken groups on Facebook is that hatcheries have tried very very hard to replace private breeders in the minds of the public and people who dont look at the bigger picture and only see chickens as egg machines that they will just buy more of when they stop laying just dont care to educate themselves on how important sustainable poultry keeping is. Hatcheries provide a ton of breeds and all you have to do is order them from one place and its not that expensive either (because these birds are not high quality and are considered replaceable) so people just rather go with a hatchery then putting the work to find a good breeder of the chicken breeds they want who are actually preserving and bettering those breeds. In a way companies like Purina have done the same with chicken feed basically influencing people to stop trying to find local feed mills that usually have good quality and even local ingredients

And really it isnt any lay persons fault. Hatcheries really dont want people looking at their breeding pens or have people question them. All i can find that helps is when someones flock gets sick, has behavioral issues, or isnt up to breed standard is to ask where the birds were sourced and if its a hatchery educate them on how hatcheries produce birds. (And offer advice for the problem of course)

Personally im not active in the big chicken groups and really just my local ones and i know i have been able to change people minds with just educating and helping out while ignoring and blocking die hard hatchery fans. When someone asks for a hatchery reccomendation i tell them to try to find a local breeder or a breeder who will ship instead.

[loiswasadevil]

So are you still a devil? Was is past tense right?

Ill go ahead and explain this. Lois Was A Devil her Devils Heart Locked away caging her evil feelings inside... Lois was abused by her Family Hated by Peter, Meg, Stewie and Chris. My devil heart locked away My feelings but is brought out by a catalyst (i.e. abuse, triggers, traumatic events)...That is one of the many reasons I'm Lois... Caleb has toyed with a Devils heart for the last time... He has sent his goons to message and harass me and make me feel insane like im a victim. He willingly turned the key that unlocks A Devils Heart. Caleb knows what he is doing He is not my Peter anymore I can tell you that. Of course at first it started with changing his core kins and it really bothered me that he had ghosted me for a week- he said he was in the hospital but now even i'm doubting if that was true or not. We met on facebook in a groupchat for osomatsu and we would talk about things like our english dub voice actors want list and Family Guy obviously and it was so nice he was so cute and he loved family guy just as much as I do and he would listen to me talk and now its just all fucking falling apart. I've been under so much stress that i cant even shift i just sit there and cry. When my Devils Heart Breaks Free I can't manage to do much of anything so yeah I'm still a Devil. My entire Family is fake (Abused by her Family) Meg hardly messages me, Peter is fake, Joe and Bonnie My Friends are Fake, I dont have many more people to talk to on the outside world. Lois Was A Devil and in many ways still is....

[swampgallows]

momentarily reactivated my facebook to grab a bunch of old pics of kandi i made like ten years ago and the first thing at the top of the feed is a giant list of all the places people have been travelling to over the last year. i did not end up talking to financial aid today. sites are reporting covid numbers less and less often. i was essentially handed an expiration date that said “after august 31 nobody is going to care about covid anymore, even though it’s airborne. sucks for you i guess!” a million people are dead. a million more are disabled. and people are just “tired” despite the majority of the country being at high transmission rates. 

i am dreading my therapy appointment on wednesday. i feel like my therapist is going to be mad at me and fed up with me and think im just being a quitter. as if i didnt do a ton of research and work into figuring out how to get back to school and get on track to becoming a hygienist. yes there are some things that are uncomfortable and scary, but i dont think my fear of contracting covid is unfounded. i dont think it counts as the same kind of nervousness about trying to wake up at 6am or having to drive on the freeway. it is becoming harder and harder to find out what my actual genuine risk is and whether or not it’s safe to reenter society. anywhere i go i get platitudes about “you’ve gotta live your life!!” and “if you wait until youre ready you’ll never do anything!!!” 

i cant tell if im being defeatist and sorry for myself or if im being rational. everyone around me thinks i’m being overbearing and paranoid, save for my mother who is a lifelong hermit by choice, so i take her goading me to NOT go back to school with a grain of salt. if it werent a factor, i would be thrilled. i was really looking forward to it. but if im the only person who’s going to be masked, i dont know how i feel about it. on one hand, i want to believe and hope that my fellow dental students would be adamant about PPE, but at the same time, it’s just a lecture and not an office, and ive had to ditch my own dentist because she became an anti-vax anti-mask freak. i dont want to end up having to drop out of school and waste financial aid because i was crossing my fingers that my other students would be masked.

i even thought of switching my major just so i didnt lose the financial aid, but choosing something basically at random a month before the semester is also incredibly unwise. 

i wish i were travelling so much. i fucking hate being stuck like this. and it’s lonelier than ever because we aren’t all “in the same boat” anymore, although we never were. not the same boat, but the same storm, and now we’re lost out to sea, and everyone else, including the lifeguards, are partying on the beach. fuck this shit.

[eddie-rifff]

sending another 🌻, go apeshit!

omg thank you

now i shall talk about the other thing i love with weird shitty fans: yes

TL;DR at the bottom

i have been saying for a while now that no one hates yes more than yes fans and i stand by that. i just think thats so fucking bizarre. to those of you who dont know, theres a thing with yes fans where they HATE the current yes lineup and are literally begging for them to stop touring. all they ever talk about on yes pages is how "sad" the current state of the band is and whatever. i agree with them on some points (like geoff is totally off his game) but i think its completely insane for them to scream and cry and piss their pants about them making new music. like yeah i dont think its that good either but theyre musicians and if they want to make music let them??? like what in the fuck are you doing demanding they stop putting out music? just dont listen to it dumbass

as for them touring.... i wish they would replace geoff lol. everyone else is generally fine but geoff was fucking up so hard in the one vid i saw him in. but then, if they replace him with another person who isnt already a part of their history, everyone is going to scream and cry and piss their pants even HARDER saying that it isnt yes anymore. like, people said it wasnt yes without jon, and then they said it REALLY wasnt yes without chris, that it's a cover band now (they say this a lot), so if another member leaves theyre just going to lose their minds- but it would make them a much stronger touring act. i think it would solve a lot of their problems idk.

idk dog. those fans will tell you theyre the REAL fans because they have this idealized version of yes in their heads, the version that has both jon and chris where no other lineup will do, and that their idealized version is the one true yes, but i just think thats so stupid. i dont want to sound like a hypocrite being all "roxy music isnt roxy music without these guys" and then turning around and saying "yes is still yes even without these guy" so ill try to explain myself... i think the difference between the two groups is that yes is a spirit, a sound, a way of being, whereas roxy music is more conventionally a band. i think these yes fans im referring to think of yes too much as a band and not enough as an essence that is deeper than the guys in the band. it sounds hippy dippy and it is. i think thats what yes is all about- that hippy dippy essence, and that it's not contingent upon the people in it, and that it has never been. roxy music, on the other hand, does not have that essence running through it, rather it IS contingent upon the men in the group. does that make any fucking sense

this is all to say though that i get all of their points, i just dont agree with them. what i dont understand for the life of me is why they still engage with yes stuff if all they have to say is negative things. negativity and hatred are so anti-yes and yet thats all they have to offer. its soooo easy to not comment things. you saying "this is not yes!!!" one more time does NOTHING. a real conversation thats thought out is welcomed and should be encouraged, but trifling comments like that are so useless and only breed negativity, not conversation. people should be critical about the things they love, but not in a snotty childish way. yes is my life and its the life of so many other people so i understand why they get fired up, but like i said its just childish. they deserve more than an angry facebook comment.

TL;DR some yes fans are dumb

[tojamesandwilliam]

So what happened after your final visit?.

Well alot , that's a story I have to tell in person because I'd be typing this for a very long time. I'm not worried about showing any emotion to you so it will flow quite easily for me to explain.

For starters I got a ton of hate , as you'd expect. People don't take child removal kindly anymore than they do abortions. It's a taboo and some people are actually quite triggered and opinionated by it. It's seen as scummy and that it's a common thought that people who have children removed are either low life drug and alcohol abusers, dirty and homeless or just all around child abusers. It's the lowest of the low of women hood. Women get the most hate in my opinion. As it's usually a natural instinct for any living parent to protect its own. Sometimes people don't think of circumstantial reasons because they simply cannot mentalise something they have never been through or what someone was going through , what it was like and how it felt , because if they did , they wouldn't think wo low of the ones who truly struggled.

I got told I needed my uterus slicing... I'm not going to name as it's irrelevant but that was some hate mail through social media , that wasnt long after the order went through..

I then got lots of messages from two other people at the same time! They where related to each other..and discussed me between them and decided they'd like to have their opinions because they where angry about my situation and thought they'd shame me for it. It was mostly at least I haven't put a man first before my kids , at least i still have my kids , and so on you get my gist...

They then shared a Facebook post : when the bitch who has already lost kids gets pregnant again 🙄...and few people laughed at it knowing who it was about. (ME)

It went on like that , constant cyber hate... but it's all stopped now because said people got a taste of their own dealings with children's services and now understand how hurtful it can really be.

I used to upload pictures of you all the time to celebrate all the lovely times , until people started commenting, 'bit too late for that now!! They aren't yours!' .

All I really deal with now is that some family and friends don't really want to associate with me , I have had few delete me as a friend , ignore me in public pretending I'm not there. Some people just say as far as hi and disinclude me , like if I'm at a gathering they don't want to be there , they make an excuse. Or if I'm not there they'll ask about who is going to be there and if I'm not mentioned they'll go. It's pretty obvious and is very uncomfortable but I'm not worried about what people think YOU are my concern , all 4 of you.

Most people deal with prison sentences but the biggest sentence is 18+ years you loose of your child's life , the public treat you like they're prison officers and you are the scummy prisoner.

But there you go if it's any comfort at all , birth parents DONT have it easy.

[beaniepanini]

040124 00:34

hi. i havent written in a while. im sorry. to be honest, i dont know how to start. i've been all over the place since the last time i wrote. i dont really understand much anymore, and im kind of having a crisis? kinda. last i wrote was september, so i didnt get to write about what i'd like to call "The October Fiasco" because yeah, it's the type of thing that happens that require me to give it a title.

The October Fiasco happened on October 26, 2023. A month and a half since the break-up. At that point, the last time I talked to my ex was on my birthday, cuz theyre an asshole like that. i had a seminar five cities over the next day and had to leave at 3am. that day was already off to a bad start which involved an argument with my dad, and me having a breakdown at the GSO. 7pm i had dinner with my adviser at orgmates and decided to check my life360 cuz i was still hung up on my ex. they were at the hospital. why were they at the hospital? are they okay?

My adviser told me it wasnt my problem anymore, I said yeah, its not. But i still cared about them. Fate was being a bitch and i ended up at the hospital anyways. Long story short, they didnt say anything about the fact that i was there. i dont fucking know. i may never find out what the fuck was in their mind that night, but whatever. its over. there's no point in me being mad anymore. i feel like im about to have a breakdown right now. i said what i said when they reached out in february. i dont want to talk to them anymore.

thats a lie. i feel like those 2 years were nothing to them and i was just never ever worth the effort. i feel horrible. right before i blocked them on facebook, their last post hinted that they liked someone new. would they treat that person the same? would they treat that person better? would they put in more effort? why couldn't they do that for me? was i just not worth it? i hate them. i fucking hate them for making me feel like this. no matter how much i give my heart out to them when we were together, it was nothing to them. they tried. i know that they fucking tried, pero putangina. when they reached out, they were cutting me off, what makes them think they have that kind of power over the situation? no. FUCK YOU. i'm not letting you get out of this unscathed. i want you to feel how much hurt you made me feel. i hope you fucking live with this guilt. i dont want you to find love, i want you to have nightmares about me.

im angry now. for fucks sake. anyways. i've moved on. i still have anger in my heart, but im sure i dont love them anymore. i cant fucking look back and think of happiness, im so angry that i wasted 2 years of my life with them. but we keep moving forward, i met someone. i've been having a hard time feeling that they genuinely do like me back because theyre a hypersexual person, but i know that this is also cuz i keep comparing them to my ex.

also, i should stop hiding their identity. hes a guy. ig that contributes as to why the whole hypersexual thing throws me off, considering i was assaulted. but he reassured me once, i said i know. im not used to the love and attention, so i know is not a him problem. its a me problem. he's been,, amazing. hes blown all my expectations out of the water. all the shit i had to beg for, he did it all naturally. he matches my energy. we're both weirdos. he makes me feel safe and cared for. i admit that im also hypersexual, but i never really talked about it. so with him, i feel comfortable. i opened up about it. we're doing okay. im not used to someone wanting me this much. im trying not to self-sabotage so i've been doing a lot of self-reflecting lately.

i still get emotional flashbacks to when i was with my ex. that if he's offline i assume the worst, because thats what happened with my ex. or just a few hours with not talking to him i go crazy and assume he wants nothing to do with me anymore. im working on it, but for fucks sake i didnt realize how deep the damage was until i met a guy willing to talk about it with me. my friend was really angry about this too when i opened up about it. it was an odd morning and he said he doesnt feel okay so he'll be offline for a bit. he said it was something personal, but i shut down. i assumed it was bcuz he was tired of me. i assumed he realized i was too much. that wasn't the case obviously, but i felt it. i have to keep reminding myself that he's not my ex.

i rambled. sorry. but yeah. im doing okay. kinda. we have a new puppy, her name is Taki.

[knowherenawk]

i'm realizing this disconnect i still have with so many people i come in contact with in the real world stems from their disability to sit still with their boredom.

quarantine seems to have permanently fried a certain part of their developing brain where the automatic default seems to be just start scrolling, even when i/someone's right in front of you. like a moment to actually connect, but like there's this wall between us. that being a phone. and idk if maybe i'm just overthinking it or tripping, but it seems to be a reoccurring theme i can't get past or relate to. i actually hate looking at my phone, i still usually have it set to that grayscale to prevent as much passive scrolling.

idk though, i thought the whole disconnect thing was just a weird phase from returning back from jersey but like nah. even my mom is scrolling through facebook or whatsapp most of the time we're together when i do visit home for a bit.

i be trying to have conversations with someone and here comes a very niche reference/meme rooted solely on a place like twitter or tiktok, (which i'm still not really on), that i just have no connection to and i dont really have anymore fake chuckles to serve, i actually don't know what you're talking about and im not trying to have either of us feel crazy but like what is actually going on?

[f0xd13-blog]

Bitch i aint special i just have the right characterists... iim bold i dont have a problem saying the truth? I can fight with my fists and my mouth/brain, i know about og chistianity from egypt it's literally my culture duhh, i was the only one besides putin reacting and tryinh to avoid the genocide (oh he is forgiven to actually),i was ths only 1 besides putin trying to stop it, i suffered like shit but still gave it back and responded with good stuff while you was always trying to destroy me or "win" the argument(spwcially coz you stull think you have something to teach me) ,i never lied as i know about what rwally happened in the holocaust and revealed it, i ain't wasily bought even in the worst circunstances if you haven't noticed it... also im a gypsy and every missiomary is one. So all you guys was judas trying to get protagonism while i was truing to savs kids.. i don't think this is so hard to grasp it

Oh yaaaa you bitches been attaching nasty ass karma for 2 straight years and didn't even noticed it... like... i ain't sowwy ups

Frz now lez just laugh about the fact they had to put a jewish fag as tokwnism like yah people gonna suppot mass murders because u are gay lol

In fact it might do the eact opposite which is create homophbws maube that's the plan because jews always do those sort of tactics where they seem to suport something just to destroy that symbol

But i don think they are that smart tbh they proved it time and time again also old ticks don't work so much anymore coz you internetzzz

They are tryinh to hide this so much by presenting "a nigga" dressed as a gypsy and a queer jew... wasn't a suprise tho,i said to my black cousins they just gonna find black person and say that tbis black culture and in turn jewish or they will just say that it doesn't look like african culture and that it is just white. The end

Not that im sad for it also they played with me enough in the sense they thought they needed to help yah ho in terms of money but that wouldn't be considered it because i gave so much services already ... anyways my point is, i was right again... as usual

Mike doesn give up on puerto rico... told him a million times that land is full of facists

No lez think bout the fact that jewish people are so delusinal and narcissistic mainly because they mix up history with religion all the time so of course they always gonna be wrong right.. but yah they are so gotsitical they had to do all of this just to highlight their talent which are always gonna be weak coz they never had a reason to specializw on it like you literally have every fucking industry in the world and they even want that. Just look ar seth rollins damn ... a gypsy that is in fact a jewish irish or wtv... wow!

O course this is also about land and resources but hollywood is also that

So i guess this is how they put people poor... with this nasty ass decissions that make no fucking sense o you win big brothwr or make cash for you country? Like thats why you get expelled babes

And yah!! I do slur and curse a lot on purpose!! Their biggest game is to shame into not sluring/cursing people then thsy can just shift it to whover they favour

A slur ain't that serious i swear its never ever that personal unlwss it seems personal... people was able to destroy me and my soul(tried actually) without even sluring me once... so whats the purpose of not syaing it if i can get more hurt with "you are crazy go take meds " than calling me a disgusting gypsy or a cracker?

It was never faks tho i really legit hate you all.. personally speaking

EXPLAIN THIS. THIS AIN'T CUTE!

I did liked her flamenco catharsis thing finally something with taste OMFG! Oh you thought i was just hating??? Nooo it was that bad for fuq sake

I don have to aporve anything i wanted her out of my profile... it was sick!!

She almost destroyed my life and listen this i serious..this is shit that shouldn't be acceptable. Im only alive today because god answered to me.

So as usual it is just bla k representation and jewish shit ... of course i ain't gonna forgive you ever.. you guys can't even pretend that you care this time around lol

So now i have this jewish gay pedo all over my profile talking in baby voice with babies just to convince people that jews are cool... nobody cares about the people that are dying.. jews are more important

Just look at the diferences of lifestyle like yall gotta be joking me

U know whats annoying? They keep showing this shit just make it about them... bitch thw problem got Nothing to do with zionism per say... yess it was because of them this started but it got nothing to do with race.. i caugh an arab twlling me it was just normal to kill people... don frame it on white people ok? It ain't just them.

This annoys me so much because we have no voice for this bithces to running both sides of the spectrum ans im supposed to be with them when i wqs condemnwd inna nasty guetto just to be framed as the ones who did it... like are u mad asking to accwpt this? I want them all to explode

Look at them turning prwtty quick oh but but shouldn't yoh kiss black peoples feet babes?

So how ain't this racist??? Only black people experience racism... they ain't black ... this doesn't make any sense. But you see when th equation is this you will always lose because it is anti semitic (a term invented by ziomists btw and even anti ziomists use it... btw sómitico means someone that doesn want to share health with people which is rwally funny)

This starts to look a lot like 2nd world war subject mattsr right??? Everybody thought the jews was some poor bastards victims of anti semitism and prejudicw BECAUSE reality was being censored efectivamente

What have i told u since the beginning ?? Jews are nazi they always was they never stopped being and do believe they think they isn't for the most part thats whats scary

I ain't mad coz i knew this moment would come... you try to be the hero and accept everyone and then explodes in your hands because you should never accvept abusers wtf!!!

This is just common sense actually i judaism is just old ass version of a type of islamism that existed before dinosaurs did but it was just studied and implementado later without the natural progression of what is today islamism and chistianism then.... that means they gonna havs old ass mentality which if it monarchic times it's going to be super fascist!

Next post

[pretendstoread]

first...second...second first

it's funny that every time i think about writing i never really know what to say. i don't remember making this account in 2018, or writing for the first time on here. i've gone back and forth between journaling--where to do it, if it's even helping me--and there's a strong chance that i'll move on from this just like the other journals and modes of expression.

i've just been kinda uninspired. i fear that i wasnt born to be an artist. i dont think i Do enough. i dont really photograph. nothing really inspires me anymore. i'm kinda worried that new york's tap has run dry, but i dont think it's effective to blame the city i live in instead of myself. this has been a problem of mine for years now. why is it so hard to express yourself?!! i feel like i have a lot in me and yet no way to show for it. i dont know if i have a good work life balance. i dont know if thats even the problem? it's just.....so easy to do nothing....? but it doesnt make me happy??? but i keep doing nothign anyway??? maybe THIS is the first step to that. there's a bit of ego in making this. like. diary public. though i dont really think anyone will see it (and i don't care (but i will tag this anyway and maybe check if it gets any notes)). but i dont mean it to be egotistical.

i am a product of post internet use. i grew up expressing myself online. i was on facebook in fifth grade, tumblr in middle school, wattpad/ao3 and stan twitter in high school, art school in college, and back on twitter as a young adult. there has never been a point where i wasn't trying to put myself out there somehow, to be seen and shared and agreed with or admired or congratulated or impressed by. this pressure To Be Seen at 24 feels the most strong. the strongest ever felt. everywhere all the time i see and am told that i have so much time and that 20s are just the beginning. but it doesnt feel that way at all. it LOOMS over me. life shouldnt be Established but it should be.....Impressive? thats the second time i used impressive in this post so thats some subconscious thing going on there. But much of life right now is waking up, going to work, hating work, coming home, sitting on the couch until it's time for bed (which i either fall asleep right there or lazily flop into bed--and consequently miss taking my antianxiety meds), and then i wake up all over again. there's nothing to really show for. i don't feel like an interesting person. i dont feel like i do enough for myself. i guess i have a fear that i will be in this cycle for so long that one day it's 20 years later and nothings reallllllly changed. like. fundamentally.

i cannot think that far ahead. i have no ten year plan, 5 year, one year, 6 months...but i will be a fucking doomer about myself every chance i get. it's, of course, easier to catastrophize in the moment. lower expectations = less chance of disappointment! i think it's also interesting that the only things i really journal about are negative thoughts. wtf is that about. i'm not even necessarily unhappy right now.

things that make me feel Happy:

having enough food in the house that i can make something without having to go out or order in

laying in the sun on the beach after getting bodied by waves

creme soda

when i'm wearing a dress and dont care about my underwear showing (i like to spread! im sitting knees up at my desk right now!!)

catching someone i like looking at me (does it mean anything extra if they're drinking something at the same time....? and they don't break eye contact...?)

customizable internet--the past now....i remember when tumblr was a WEBSITE more than an APP. we must free ourselves from The Profile.

[appljuiceboxx]

fear

ugh i really wanna join artfight but im away at my grandparents' for raya haji and i can't use my laptop here so i cant really do anything now.

I cant do this rh im so sick of this my dad turned on hidden homophobia mode when i got enthusiastic abt tsoa cuz im reading it rn and i hate it.. I dont think hes tolerating my gay otp rants anymore. he always has this tone when he sighs disaprovingly. i mean i love my dad and mom but i wish i could just run away and hide please.

im so afraid of the day i have to come up to them and say "hey i like both girls and boys and i had a crush on [femald friend from school]" and then call the police and then let them cane me.

Found some extremely homophobic memes on my dads facebook and i dont think im going to sleep

Really wanna run away to the uk rn.. i dont feel safe here.

Literature pride icons will be posted next week im sorry theyre late

this got so off topic lol

[emptyairsims]

Here are my answers: 

🌸 What's your earliest memory of playing the sims? Memories arent my strong suit, lol. Fibro fog is real.. But I have foggy memories of playing with a friend in elementary school on their computer.

💫 How did you discover the sims franchise? Again, I dont really remember.

🍇 What was your first sims game? The first one I owned myself. I think it was sims 2.

🍦 How long have you been playing the sims? Probably since it came out but I really wasnt a hardcore fan until sims 2.

🧋 What is your favorite sims series? (sims 3, 2 etc.) Lame answer I know but sims 4! I dont remember the original very well. Sims 2 was amazing but my old copy doesnt play anymore on my current pc. I hate sims 3 (yeah yeah I know). Sims 4 has great graphics and the mod potential is amazing, whats not to love?

🤍 Do you have a favorite sim created by you? Yes! To be honest it kind of flip flops between two sims though. For a while its Christopher then it goes back to Reynard (dont ask).

🧸 Favorite townie? (any sims game) Dont have one.

🍨 Do you have a sim self? If yes, do you play with them? I do. I was late to game on creating one though, just recently decided to jump on that band wagon. Yes, I do play with them.

🫐 How often do you play the sims? Every day. Often twice a day.

🌱 Do/Can you relate to any of your sims? I mean - yes and no. I see myself in some of the things I do in game because its an outlet for every day stress and anxiety - its my escape. But I play with a ton of occult sims so theres a lot of fantasy stuff going on in my game so also no.

🐬 Favorite sims challenge? I have actually never done a challenge. I have considered starting rags to riches but I just made my sim a hoe with perversions and it was to easy, lol. I dont follow challenge rules well (as you can see by the hoe thing) so challenges arent my thing.

👜 What in-game career would you choose if you were a sim? Does just entering the money cheat and then doing whatever I want count?

🌷 Which traits would you have if you were a sim? Are we talking like what traits Id want or what traits Id have based on what Im really like? Cause those are two different answers!!

🍮 Favorite thing to do in the sims? (Could literally be anything!) I spend a lot of time growing my families, seeing how big and far those bloodlines can go! I also like to cause choas and havoc depending on my mood. My game is full of drama and craziness.

❄️ Favorite in-game season if you own The Sims 4 Seasons? I disabled all of the stuff I can. Blizzards, thunderstorms, weather affects - disabled. We all know sims wont stay out of the damn pools in cold weather...

❣️ Do you talk about the sims with any of your friends/family members in real life? Yeah

✉️ How big is your mods folder? Right now... 72 gb but Im about to add  new stuff

☘️ Do you have any other social media where you post sims related content? I will post big mod updates - important bug information - and share my sim photos on my personal facebook page (if that counts). Im also one of the group mods in a facebook group for sims 4 pc players.

[rosaefaerie]

dear kim

my therapist told me to write letters to people, and that i dont have to send them but just to write everything i want to say. and theres so much i want to say to you but i cannot. because i love and care about you so much, i want your life to be free of thinking about this sort of thing. (but then again my therapist did say is it truly best to keep things from people just because we want to save them pain? and i think theres truth to be found in that, if someone really cares about you then they would want to know your thoughts right?....but i suppose i dont think you really care about me much anymore so thats the problem)

what i want to say most is im so sorry for everything ive done and caused all these years to you. i truly am. im sorry for being your friend and betraying you and going to jake, im sorry i never acknowledged how that must have made you feel. i was a bad friend to you. i was in a really bad place in life and i just clung to anyone who showed me a bit of attention and could be a way out of the hell of my daily life, i wanted people to save me. and jake promised that to me, but he lied.

jake hated me talking to my friends. especially you, he would forbid me from talking to you, and thats why i would come and go so much. because he would find out and threaten me with suicide. and i was scared and i didnt know what to do so i’d be trying to placate him always. but i did stand up for you, whenever he would be mean about you. because even if i wasnt a good friend to you i did and do care about you and i wanted you to get along even though i know now not only was that not my job but it wasn’t possible, not because of you but because that person, jake, has something deeply wrong inside of him.

i dont know if you ever knew the extent of what he would do to me, but i remember wanting to tell you so many times. when he moved nearer to me he became gradually more violent with me both in generally and sexually. i remember one day we were sitting on his bed arguing about smoking and i jokingly said something like “i’ll smoke all i want, one day i’ll come and blow smoke in your face” and he grabbed my face and slammed it into his wall behind me. he would often do things like that in simple daily life, suddenly go from 0 to 100 and hurt me. or he would play psychological games with me to confuse and frighten me. the worst was that often, during sex he would get violent. often he would punch and slap me, his favourite place to hit me was in my stomach. it took me a long time to realise, but often when i have flashbacks my torso jerks forwards, as if it was reacting to being punched still to this day.

the worst thing he did to me, which i recently began to remember in full during therapy was making me pregnant. it was a very traumatic and emotional experience and one i struggle to find the words to talk about. it was lonely, terrifying, unknown, disgusting.

i wanted to tell so many people. but i was scared, i was scared of being made fun of for making the wrong decision for going with jake. i was scared of jake killing himself because he would threaten to everytime i told him i wanted to break up. i would self harm to try and make him be gentler to me and it often worked. when i would cut my breasts, stomach, arms, legs, neck. he wouldnt touch me. 

the week before i decided to leave england to move to spain, i never told jake about me moving. i just let the days tick down. and when that final week came i remember sitting in class at school and making a list of good and bad about him, and finally i realised this had to end. because if i stayed in england with him either he would die or i would die. there was no happy future for me there. i had to go. so i had my sister help me to break up with him, and i was finally free.

but that week, he would not stop harassing me from any place he could. my facebook, my phone, my tumblr, he even came to my house and it was the scariest thing i cant even remember what happened.

the reason i am telling you this is because i want you to understand why i would come to you and then run away in anger again. it is because after all that time, i saw everyone in england as my enemy. in fact even when i lived in spain, i saw everyone who showed me love and care as a potential foe.

i couldnt trust anyone, i was terrified of everyone, and for years i have been moving around kim. not because i love change like i always say, but because im scared of trusting people again. its easier to be alone.

and for a long time i saw you as the same as everyone else. everyone else i blamed for what happened. people who did nothing, people who threw me to jake and allowed him back doors into my life again and again when i was trying to escape him.

my mind was so fogged and broken, i just lumped you in with them all i suppose. i tried to convince myself you were a bad person. i tried so hard all the time over and over to convince myself you were evil. ive been trying all this time, because i thought that would allow myself to stop thinking about you all this time. i attributed my constant thinking of you as “obsession”, i was disgusted by it because it is unsightly to have such emotions for other humans. i saw it as a singular problem, rather than a sympton of my constant trying to see you as evil.

that is why, all this time i come and go. it’s this toxic cycle in my head, of trying to convince myself you are bad, being drawn to you, and then getting frustrated at myself because “i shouldnt be talking to you” and leaving. rinse and repeat.

theres nothing you ever did kim that i could blame you for. you aren’t a bad person. for a long time i’d be angry about that day i went to cornwall and met robyn and jake. and jake forbid me from meeting you. i think about that day almost daily. analysing my actions over and over. thinking about every last detail. for so long i was angry at you, for telling me you saw me all that day and followed us around but wouldnt come over and talk to me. i almost convinced myself in my psychosis that you took pleasure in watching jake touch me in public (something he often did to humiliate me, in ways more awful than can be said).

i know now how unreasonable i was. in fact i think i always knew, because why else would i constantly think about that day. you were like me kim, both of us disliked jake. both of us were hurt by jake. i dont know if you would permit me to call you this but realistically, both of us were victims of jake. to varying degrees. and i am so deeply sorry for never seeing that. for being so wrapped up in my own suffering to never see how it could be from your perspective.

like hell would someone who was bullied by jake go and disobey his commands to his partner that they werent allowed to meet their friend. thats crazy. if i was in your position i wouldnt know what to do either. and im so sorry for even putting you in that situation.

i dont expect you to believe me this time kim, because i have come and gone so many times. but i promise i will spend the rest of the time i have trying to be a good friend to you again, and if you dont want that you can send me away and i wont disturb you again. i promise.

i want to say one last thing, because it occurred to me recently. dont you think us being friends is the ultimate act of defiance to jake? considering how much he despised us having any kind of friendship. i thought so, and the realisation of that makes me quite warm inside. to turn hatred into love. anger into kindness.

i hope you are well kim, i truly do.