#like i fucking know no ones gonna use non feminine pronouns if i dont come out to them

[incoherentscreaming101]

im so fucking sick of feminine pronouns. SO FUCKING SICK OF IT.

[transfemininomenon]

Hey, i'm actually a "truscum" i found out recently, but im a little confused on the whole ordeal. Im not even sure if i actually am truscum or not- because some posts seem to tie up with me being one but others dont, but i saw you were really against them, so i wanted to ask if you're okay with a friendly calm conversation about it? I am very confused and i just want to learn a bit more or find out if i'm wrong about the whole ordeal. Are you open to it?

i'll be honest im not sure how friendly i can be with this kind of conversation because i really truly genuinely, and i don't use this word lightly, Hate truscum and its hard for me to really be civil about the discussion. but for the sake of this and me giving you a lot of benefit of the doubt that this ask is in good faith i'll explain why i do not like the entire truscum ideology

1. i guess i'll start off with the Big One - the claim that dysphoria is Required to be trans. i'll preface this by saying that i am someone who has experienced, and currently Experiences in wildly different degrees depending on what is happening in my life, dysphoria throughout my entire life. i had my entire teenage and young adult years stolen from me by it. i won't get into details about it because that is a Very Very Personal subject for me, but needless to say dysphoria is something that was a very prevalent part of my life.

anyway. the notion that dysphoria is a Trans Requirement™ is something that i hugely disagree with. i used to think that me figuring out i was a trans woman was because i experienced dysphoria, but frankly the opposite is true. dysphoria is what made me refuse to believe i was a woman or could ever be one. it made me believe i was a man and that was all i would ever be. it wasn't until i really started experimenting with my gender and unpacking a lot of stuff i felt about myself that i started to finally realize the woman i was. i first started trying our she/her pronouns nearing four years now, and started using the name Alice a few months after that. being referred to as a woman & experimenting with different feminine things gave me such incredible feelings of euphoria that i still experience to this day whenever i discover something new about my identity.

and that is something ive heard from SO many other trans people i know. or different things too - i know people who are completely fine with their bodies, just certain words and terms never felt Right to them. because the thing with dysphoria is that it, like all things gender related, is a product of society. dysphoria only exists because transphobia exists - people are told that there are these two rigid things that you are and HERE is what makes you one of those things, and those things are drilled into you literally since birth. everything from colors to jobs to hobbies to cars to entertainment to clothing to Literally Everything is gendered, and when that happens then of fucking course there are gonna be people who don't fall in line with that, and when it's so instilled into people and seen as such societal norms of COURSE people are going to have trouble with that.

and that's not even getting into the subject of gender on a biological level. the fact of the matter is that the two sex system Isn't True and that biological sex is very complicated. intersex people exist, people with all kinds of different chromosomes exist, people of certain body types that have higher levels of different hormones exist, SO much goes into that subject that frankly narrowing it down to two things just doesn't Work

and that's the real problem at the end of the day. dysphoria only exists because of a fucked up gender binary that clashes with both biology and sociology. people are complicated on both a biological and personal level and having set binaries for things is bound to cause confusion & doubt.

like, people's identities are SUCH personal things in so many different ways. there isn't any Right Way™ to be trans. i know trans women with beards, trans women who have no interest in starting hrt, trans men who wear dresses and makeup, non-binary people who make no effort to be androgynous, i know SO many different identities and different people. because the fact is that there's no right way to be trans because nothing is inherently gendered including people's very bodies. people are themselves and there is no Right way to be themselves.

that's on top of the lack of education when it comes to the subject of gender. such a huge part too of me figuring out i was trans was literally learning that it was even a fucking option. i genuinely didn't know just Being A Girl was an option. reading up on gender stuff and researching the different idea of transitioning was intrinsic in my figuring out who i was because oh shit turns out there are people like me and that is Okay.

like, dysphoria literally could've been a non-issue for me. i could've lived in a world where i could just Exist and enjoy whatever i wanted without it being weird. i could've decided so much sooner that i wasn't happy with the way my body was growing and not spent my entire teen years being so confused why i was so sad seeing my girl peers. i could have from the start just gotten to be a girl and never have had dysphoria be part of the equation.

im not trans being i experience dysphoria. im trans because being a woman is rad as hell and it's what i wanted. im trans because changing my name to Alice was the biggest moment of my entire life. im trans because rebelling against the societal restraints of gender is fucking metal. im trans because my friends can't even remember me ever not being me now. im trans because im a great older sister. im trans because god nerfed me and i said nah thanks man but im not feeling it.

my identity and my gender are very personal and complicated things, and narrowing it down to "i experience dysphoria" is frankly insulting to me.

anyway, that's the big point out of the way, so here's some shorter ones

2. this is kinda expanding on the last point, but truscum both insisting non-binary people aren't a thing and them insisting "transtrenders" exist is hmm Bad

the sheer fact of the matter is the concept of being non-binary has existed from the oldest known records of human history on TOP of that concept being prevalent in many different cultures so what do ya know there's a healthy dose of racism involved in the denial of non-binary people. the gender binary is such a western concept and there are SO many different cultures where different gender identities exist.

and, frankly, going back to the above point that gender is fucking Fake and is a societal concept - again, of fucking course there are going to be people who see a rigid set of rules on gender and are like "well wait that doesn't fit me" so of COURSE non-binary people exist

on the subject of "transtrenders" i feel like i shouldn't even HAVE to get into this subject because of how inherently transphobic it is. the concept doesn't exist. there are people who experiment with their gender and then decide their assigned one is fine. there are people who go through all kinds of different identities. there are people who come out as a different gender and then revert back due to backlash. there are people who get told the way they present their gender is the Wrong Way™ and get branded a trender. it's a dangerous thought process that literally does nothing but serve the cis status quo and make people afraid to experiment and think about their identities.

3. the idea that Those Evil Trenders™ are stealing resources from the Real Trans People™ is, frankly, fucking bullshit. issues when it comes to trans people finding difficulty accessing healthcare comes from a transphobic society hellbent on denying us care on top of fucked up healthcare systems in general. hormones aren't some limited quality hard to acquire thing - when i started hrt transferring my prescription from my clinic to my local pharmacy was a non-issue because it's something basically any pharmacy will have for ALL kinds of different purposes. it's an issue because healthcare in general is a god damn Mess on TOP of inherent transphobia

and, frankly, truscum are directly involved in that transphobia in the medical field. unless you find an informed consent clinic you're going to have to jump through all kinds of hoops to prove you're Actually Trans™ by getting referrals from other (almost always cis) people and then get put on ridiculous waitlists to make sure you're not about to change your mind. that kind of attitude is only encouraged by truscum and it is one of the biggest source of trans people having such difficulty accessing healthcare.

4. truscum as far as im concerned are no different than any other transphobe. two years ago before i started hrt i was harassed by truscum multiple times, each time having them tell me i wasn't trans, that i was just a trender, and it genuinely boggles my mind that anyone thinks misgendering me because i disagreed with their ideology is Woke, actually. I've seen so many fellow trans women getting called men by truscum who disagreed with them. i was actively told i shouldn't start hrt because i "wasn't really trans and was gonna ruin my life"

i really hope all of people live in anger every day knowing ive been on hrt over a year and a half and am fucking Thriving

anyway that's all i got to say on the matter i realize my points became less thought out as it went on but frankly the first point is enough for me to not like truscum

(please refrain from reblogging this i don't want any clowns in my inbox)

[joseyfeli1-blog]

This is it. Halloween 2017

So this Halloween (sadly) i will not dress up. But i will strip down, Ayyyyy!!

alright back to business. Sexuality, Identity, and least important of this bunch, Biological Sex.

This post is for my blog and to be written down. I am still closeted, which i only will tell people that i believe will not care so much about this info. Serisouly in my life, it isnt a huge thing for me.

So it has come to me, throughout this year i really shouldn’t say i am cisgender, and heterosexual. And for me that was strange for me to be so okay with. Yet it wasn’t of how accepting and how much i love myself. No. it is truly cause i knew i wasn’t but never went to go check up the lgbt+ shit, and didn’t care about this stuff. But here i am, caring about myself (how do i feel about that? ehh). Sexuality was never something i cared to bring up/talk about, but Senior year (high school) and im just realizing that from past experiences that, yeah, it is more complicated than - hetero, cis. Yeah no, mostly all my lifes explanations are paragraphs, or essays. long story short, This post is really not for the people who would support me (though Thank You so much) and also not for me to accept me. Again I never cared for my sexuality and i still dont, but since i might get asked, and i would like an straight(Hah!) answer.Okay so here it is…

Identity

A big thing this is. Most explanation will be put into this (not for people to believe me, just so its written somewhere). I want to be identifyed as Genderfluid, three genders, Male, Female, and Non-Binary. For friends on here, dont worry im fine with the pronouns and or whatever you all me. I enjoy no remembering that im biologically male, but i understand people wont care for me in the future. Plus about 17 years of it, kind of numbs you to caring about the pronoun game. So why identify as genderfluid and not be cisgendered? Well for me i am self aware that i depreciate myself (all the fucking time) and some part of it was, so i mustnt hate myself enough to realise i should accept the idea of me being identified as the other two genders. So i thought about, i hate most masculine shit. feminine shit? Love a lot of it! Shit with no gender?  Cool as fuck. So why be filtered Josey? why not embrace this threepeice mofo? 

Why do i believe myself to be these genders?/ Why identify as them?

picture a triple Venn diagram please? Male, Female, Non-Binary.

Why male? i WILL NOT degrade the beauty of the other two genders to have me as a full addition. (self-depreciation, i know, again self aware af) 

Why Female? They all are strong as H E L L! to be apart of them, thats a nice thought. Plus ive had a front row seat of how most common men act towards women and i will not be apart of those asses(i am a different kind of asshole, but that is for another post, not the time right now) I never liked the way how most people talk about how lesbians are only hot and the they are sexualized, THEN! when they bring it up! everyone calls them crazy and disregards the actions of sexualizing women loving women.

Why Non-Binary? They have no need for being either common gender, Awesome! in my opinion. The fact that i never cared for my gender  through my young life, speaks out to me, not loudly, but i know i barely care for the thing in between my pants, regardless my bio sex. In fact, i wont have memories of me being called specific pronouns and shit where i feel nostalgia over them, you wanna know why? Cause i dont remember being called a boy and enjoying it! i just remember having a great time with video games or walking around the houses ive been in.

Seriously days go by without me acknowledging that im male, so in my opinion no it doesn’t matter to me what people think of me, nor if they will support my identifications. Hence, Genderfluid, not trans, not just Non-binary. But three halves, to make a whole.

Sexuality

Alright the simpler part of this post. So when growing up, media, my family, myself, just thought it was okay for making me believe that: Yes! i am hetero! i like women! and it is okay how many are being degraded!

took me a second, but luckily i do not think that at all anymore. (for people that are going to argue me, realize that: too bad if im wrong! i aint changing this post for you!) Now sadily it took me tim eto notice how heteros i knew/ know think its fine how they think so lowly of the people they find sexually attractive, but opinions opinions! so i digress.

I am DemiPansexual (and probs demiromantic, not the time to figure that shit out yet.;p)

Demisexual- Part of the Ace spectrum, you are sexually attracted to no one other than people you have created such powerful bonds with, the immensity or lack of strong bond is obviously individual preference.

Pansexual- People sexually attracted to people whom are themselves as much as possible. See People, we dont care for biological sex, identity, or sexual orientation of whomever we feel attracted to sexually. Again personal reference is what you are looking towards other people (or yourself? who nows? some freaky narcissistics out there, @rapforeminem im looking at You!:p). For me, people being themselves the most, and me seeing them sexually attractive because of it- That (again for me) is someone living their life where they cant stop learning themselves and aspiring to be themselves as we all know, we gonna die soon. the fact is (in my opinion), People dont change, they adapt and grow. They become what their soul is. i believe that souls know what we will become, hopes that we discover all 100% of ourselves, i pray to know all of me, but im also scared, so i will not try to really go out for the answer, if it happens, it happens, and cool too. To see someone be themselves and embrace it, brightens my mood. seeing their bright eyes, makes me bite my lip (like a loser and/or fangirl, lol), it makes me feel good/ special to be there for it. it is special and sweet. anyhow, i hate seeing people as sexual objects, i know i very much did before, but for me, it was normalized! for me! i am justifying me right now, im justifying when i didn’t know that was not how i like to think and act.

DemiPansexual- So why use both? Well, i shouldn’t call myself/ use the ace spectrum to use for myself, again big respect for each one of them, because  i have seen people that i didn’t have/ picture of having a profound bond with. And I love the soul of others, they’re so pretty! Especially when they are really unfiltered.

now because i am pansexual, doesn’t mean i have to seek out the entire soul of another to be even a tiny bit sexually attracted to them. That is my opinion. This Whole Fucking post is my god damned opinion, why type and post it? it will give me god damn peace broham. having something written, helps me cope, so in a sense, this helps me be me, acceot myself and my complicated sexuality/identity.

So for people whom talk, or want to talk to me (there is no line for that), and dont know how to talk to me aafter i come out, just notice, i never really talked about myself in these ways before! i never really cared, i am numb to how poeple just saw a straight regular boi. GOD do i wish it was that simple, literally over an hour typing this shit! But of course to end it,

Biological sex

i am boi

Alright that is it! Hahaha, okay so this is going out at 2:00 am in texas time, but 12:00am (Halloween) for westcoast of the united states. ill reblog during the day of Halloween. not to advertise myself, but for people that want a coming out post, and or support me no matter what (thank you again, love you lot) i identify as.

Oh and i understand that there are so many! so many spectrums and other shit, so if you read all this, or just feel like im incorrect and ou are in fact more intelligent in this subject than me and try to tell me “that i am actually something else”, or “there is a better title for you” i wont listen right now, im fucking exhuasted okaying this post as is, ill check on myself and the wikipedia if I feel the need to. And if you do not beileive or disagree with any part of my coming out shtuff, talk to me directly, no need to hurt my supporters, followers, people i follow, random Tumblr users, and especially mutuals( I Love you guys! MWAH!). Message ME that im wrong or dont exist! not the people that had no idea this post was being done! give me your hate! im cool with it! I Will allow it!

Anyway! Happy mother fucking Halloween California! Have a safe and fun one this year! and everywhere else for that matter. 

[fushimi-saruhiko-yata-misaki]

Genderfluid!Saruhiko

Help. I’m thirsty for more genderfluid!Saruhiko (please check out my fanfic called Skirts and Fishnets. Located on both AO3 and @my-writing-is-trash ) so I’m just going to put some things down here and I’ll add on when I think of more. YOU ALL CAN FEEL FREE TO ADD MORE. I LOVE THIS AU SO MUCH.

[Everything below is at the time of when my fic takes place– a few months after the Destroying of the Slate so he’s 20]

Soft Warning: I swear, okay? I get in the spirit of things and get excited and it comes out that way. I cut most of it out. 

Makeup? They look fabulous in everything. Eye-shadow, lipstick, nail polish??? Yes. They are stunning and love it all. Especially mascara/eyeliner because their eyes pop in such a nice fashion (not like they do anyways but even more is A++). On any day, they wear eyeliner because it makes them look stunning. They especially like dark blue make up (light blue is nice too but they like the constant and pop that the dark colors give against their pale skin) even though it’s so damn hard to find some of it. Like, they walked into a store looking for dark blue lipstick because the light blue wasn’t working out for some reason and they nearly stabbed the make up section BECAUSE THEY ALWAYS SELL JUST REDS. They got irritated and just bought a black instead which, incidentally, turned out to be perfect.

Nail polish? they love that, especially on their non-masculine days (even tho they leave it on the masculine ones because 1) a hassle to take off. 2) everyone already knows that if they comment, they die. 3) it’s kinda comforting sort of?). Ofc blacks and blues, they would do purple– at least light purple tho– too but Niki fucked that up.

Clothing? Sexy in everything. Nearly absolutely everything. Women’s, men’s, gender neutral? EVERYTHING. I could write a whole big extra post on this (I might even) but I’ll just put down a few things here:

Obviously the typical “Saruhiko” look with his dark colors and all but he also likes to venture out a bit. On the days that they wear more “feminine” clothing, it usually comprises of a nice simple skirt, some sort of shirt (basically the same thing as any other non-work day except for special events or finds something they like), and dress boots. The whole outfit is, naturally, fitted with a small knife set. (I’m gonna write a mini thing about a skirt I want them to wear. Maybe put it in my fic as well). The times when they are more masculine, it’s the same “Saruhiko" look. No difference in wardrobe because none is needed.

SUITS. Their shoulders are too broad to fit in some dresses at this time (when they were younger, they could) so suits it is. And that of course is not an issue because fuck me they are sexy af. [I’m thirsty for people in suits. I have no idea why but for some reason I die when I see someone in a suit. Please dont make a real Saru appear in front of me with a suit unless you want me to die automatically. Like, I dont want to ripe it off of them, I just want to stare at them forever] Misaki instantly has nose bleeds seeing them dressed all fancy.

So that is it of how they express themselves. ugh, whats next. Backstory? Alright, I’ll try to explain some of it

Copied out of my fic: “ This is… new. The old was me. Once in middle school, I had found a bottle of purple nail polish laying around on the floor of the classroom. At this point in time, I had started to seriously consider my sexuality and gender. Typically, I could really care less– if you’re happy, be happy, I have no reason to judge, but then, feelings had started to swirl inside me like a whirlpool. I was angry at myself at first, fully believed that I am just a monkey… a failure, a failure that I couldn’t just be a normal guy that went to school and could hit on girls. So, when I found the little purple bottle, I had hid behind the school. I was curious, no stupid, and started to paint my nails. I have never done that, actually do something that was girly. It was a rush of feelings, angry, happiness, sadness, giddiness; there was enough feelings that I couldn’t help but laugh as my eyes teared up. It was proof that I was a failure but also proof that I could be someone different, someone whose life wasn’t an endless parade of despair. During the midst of raw feelings, Misaki had found me hunched up behind the baseball pits. First, he was concerned, who wouldn’t be if their friend is hiding with tears falling down their face? But once he saw the nail polish bottle laying in the grass by my feet, he just smiled. A genuine beautiful warm smile cross his face as he laughed and picked up the bottle, saying, “Fushimi, you could’ve told me. There’s nothing to be ashamed about.” He grabbed my half painted hand and brush-cap to start to go to work after those words. His blind acceptance was… wonderful. Wonderful in the fact that he could really care less whether I wore skirts or pants, whether I wore make up or went bare, whether I was girl or a boy. He took me for who I was– his friend.”. So yeah. That’s that. You could probably find the cause of why they are upset because of his dickish father, no shit.

Essentially, Saru had many conflicting feelings about his gender when they were young (12 at this point) and having a father that doesn’t help much– really not at all, or even worse so. At times, Saru didn’t feel like they fit into the masculine standards, yes they were a guy, yes they dressed like one and acted like one but deep down, they didn’t feel like one. At firstly they were concerned because they didn’t feel like a guy and they were nearly 90% sure they weren’t female either so where they? For a year of suffering from NIki and suffering from this confusing confliction, they figured out they were either female nor male at times but they were just… there? No defined boundaries of gender yet still existed as a gender? Saru was just confused but through the means of logic, technology and information, they finally realized what exactly what they are on those none masculine days. Yes, they go back to male from time to time depending on the day or week but they figured out that the other identification was neutrois. Then came the problem that how did they like feminae clothing while still being male/neutrois? Shouldn’t I just like malsaine and gender neutral clothing and not feminine? They thought but after some time of realization that make up and clothing really don’t have a gender, it’s just that a sociality viewed on this and decided to mark things are “Male” or “Female” and none in between. So, at least in their mind, they felt more okay when feminine like clothing when they identified as neutrois. At this time (now at age 13 when he knows Misaki well), they haven’t gotten around to try anything remotely none masculine because of the ever so looming darkness that lives at their house. When they found the lavender nail polish, they picked it up on impulse and with the wild drive of wonder, they started to explore what it really felt like to do something that wasn’t forced upon him by society. And, they liked it.

Obviously, it took some time for Misaki to understand what Saru really was. He never knew that someone can be different than what they were assigned to at birth but to a great personal shock, he realized that it really didn’t matter if Saru wore skirts or went by a different set of pronouns; Saru was Saru no matter what they did, nothing would change the fact that they were friends. Yes, of course, at first Misaki didn’t understand and was bothered by the fact that boys weren’t supposed to like feminine things because that made them look “weak” but he soon got the point through his own research and answers to his questions from Saru.

Over the years, Saru got more comfortable with the aspect of being genderfluid. Their range of what he would do to express themself steadily widened once they joined Horma then finally Scepter 4.

During Homra times, Totsuka, Anna, and Misaki took it in great lengths to help Saru along with themself. Misaki was distant and attached to Mikoto, yes, but he took it in his own hands to make Saru feel more accepted. He went to Chitose and asked how to do make up because at this time, Saru hasn’t looked into that aspect of themself because gross gross stuff is sticking to my skin weirdly and people would stare, so Misaki took it upon himself to find this out because damn, Misaki can totally see Saru all prettied up like that. Totsuka came up a with a harness design for Saru’s knives that would fit under their skirt but Saru only made it once he joined Scepter 4.

Scepter 4. Oh boy. Muna has a field day one day. Aki found Saru out on the streets in his feminine clothes because it was a weekend and they weren’t required to wear their uniform that day (They wear the same uniform as in [K]. no need to change it). Aki was concerned and confused but gave Saru a gentle smile before continuing on his day. Aki ends up going back to HQ and letting Muna know since he felt that this is important for the Captain to know. Muna already knew about Saru being genderfluid (cuz Scepter 4 dad knows all) but since Aki came forward, he decided to a special meeting about the aspects of the LGBTQ+ community. Of course, he makes the meeting and requires everyone from the Special Forces to attend, especially Saru. The poor person of interest kept clicking their tongue throughout the whole meeting because they knew this came about because of them. Muna informs them on the differences between sexualities and genders, and pronouns and how to not be ignorant about these things. Dōmyōuji asked an inappropriate question and he was nearly stabbed by Saru. After that, everyone on the team at the time was respectful towards Saru and used the correct pronouns and didn’t question his motives because they didn’t want to be stabbed like Dōmyōuji.

Jungle. Basically the same as [K]. Yukari finds Saru in their room applying some green/black make up on for the day (come on. They have to match the colors of their affliction at the time, plus green does look kick ass on their.) and pretty much flips out and fangirls. Like, “omg. My child is following my ways!” All sparkly eyed and trying to get at Saru when they just raise a hand and push him away, saying that they would just go out on the mission plain and boring if he didn’t stop his nuisances. So, Yukari leaves them alone as they got ready. Everyday he keeps trying to get at Saru and their makeup but they effectively shut him down each time, not wanting to be bothered by this beauty-insane maniac and just complete their own personal mission.

Please enjoy this post. I’m always willing to talk about this over messages if you guys would like. Sorry that this is bulleted. I keep forgetting it looks terrible on mobile but please enjoy anyways.