#like i do have some shame about it. however this is the cringe website and i’m gonna live my life

[heartbreakfeelsogood]

thinking about how i made a secret second ao3 just to kudos and bookmark rpf so no one that knew my ao3 would know and now i’m reblogging posts about rpf like “haha yeah me” and slowly being so much more cringe on main

[thesolemnhour]

things don’t make bad scenes (people do)

For the “Why does your knight commander love their LI?” prompt that has been circulating, which I took too seriously. Title from the We Shall All Be Healed album website.

Length: 2700 words (😬)

It has been a month since she closed the Worldwound, and Agria Lebeda sleeps better than she has in years. Perhaps it’s the relief of finally accomplishing what she had set out to do, but more likely, she owes the improvement to the tiefling sleeping blissfully beside her. It is an incredible thing, being in love. And it’s true that she still can’t compete with Woljif when it comes to sleeping in, but that just means she gets to spend a few minutes tracing his features, relaxed in sleep.

There’s very little to warrant such an early start now, but change is hard; she had been going non-stop since Iz, and the transition into peacetime is taking longer than she hoped. With a small measure of defeat, she reluctantly pulls herself loose from the warmth of her bed and consigns herself to starting the day.

Luckily, Woljif can sleep through almost anything. She presses a kiss lightly to his brow before pulling a robe over her nightclothes. She thinks about picking up her staff from where it sits propped up near the door but—no, she thinks she can go without it. Her leg has been better lately, and she resolves that she can manage.

Wandering downstairs, she notes absently that someone—a courier, perhaps?—is standing near the doorway, but she ignores them in favor of starting a pot of coffee, the only addiction of hers that she will still allow quarter.

The courier clears his throat, and Agria concedes that it is possible that he may indeed have something important to say.

“Be with you in just a moment!” She calls over her shoulder, cringing slightly at the scratchiness of her voice. Armed with caffeine, she takes a few steps back into the entryway before she stops dead in her tracks.

Before her, looking no different than the last time she saw him some five years ago, stands Viktor Lebeda. Her father, although it feels odd to think of him like that now.

She freezes. Blinks in astonishment. She takes a breath, readying herself to say—something, but she stops, still holding her breath. Finally, her expression sides away into boredom: “I didn’t invite you here.”

“No,” says Viktor pointedly, “you didn’t.”

As ever, what her father doesn’t say is more important than what he does. Most children, she imagines, would have invited their last living parent to visit the place of their great triumph, but they are not most families.

“Well,” she begins, turning her back to him again as she stirs sugar into her coffee, “I’m very busy, and you’ll have take whatever it is that you’re here for up with Irabeth.”

“I’m afraid that I have questions that Commander Tirabade won’t have answers to.”

“Then perhaps you should have written ahead.”

“I did.” Had he? Maybe it would’ve been wise to have read those letters marked with the swan-shaped seal of House Lebeda before tossing them into the fireplace after all. Then again… “Agria. I am here for you.”

“Here for me?” Agria scoffs. “Now? You didn’t come after we first took Drezen. You didn’t come after we returned from Alushinyrra. You certainly didn’t come after—“ After I broke my leg all those years ago. But Agria will be damned if she says those words aloud. She won’t ask that question, no matter how obliquely. “But you’re needed to see me now? Honesty would carry you farther.”

His face remains placid, giving no emotion away. It’s her least favorite expression of his. “I did not think that you would have me.”

“I’m not having you now.”

“Commander,” he tries again. The appeal to authority is interesting at least. “I would like very much to speak with you. It is important, and time is short.”

“Hm. A terrible shame. I am afraid, however, that I have an engagement with the chieftain of Neathholm this morning. He is a very punctual person and would take my absence personally. Perhaps I shall see you in the afternoon then.”

…

After ascending the stairs at a near-jog, Agria closes her bedroom door behind her as gently as she can, conscious not to wake her lover. She rests her head against the sturdy wood for a moment, steadying herself.

“Coming back to bed?” Woljif asks hopefully, his words slurring slightly as he rubs his eyes.

“I am afraid not,” she says, brows drawn together as she begins to fix her hair.

“What’s going on?”

She feels the old pull to lie, to talk about anything else. But it’s Woljif. “I have… an uninvited guest.”

In the mirror, she spies him leaning up on his elbows to get a better look at her face, which remains expressionless.

“Who’s the guy?”

Taking a deep breath, Agria answers, “My father.”

Now, Woljif sits up, wide awake. “Really? He just showed up? Do nobles even do that?”

“Not often,” she says faintly.

Woljif pauses for a moment, frowning. “You know where this wouldn’t happen?”

Agria smiles: he is determined to travel now that the Worldwound is behind them. And not somewhere for work, he insisted. Somewhere actually nice. With warm weather! She suspects he is naming increasingly exotic locales just to drive up the bargain.

“Absalom? Or maybe Oppara?”

“Solku!”

Agria giggles, turning to look at him directly while she finishes the buttons on her vest. “In Garund? You don’t want to go all the way to Garund! You can’t operate an orphanage from the next continent over.”

“No,” he concedes, “but it made you laugh.”

Oh, she loves him.

“I’ll make you a deal,” says Agria, pressing her forehead to his. “Wait long enough to meet my aunt, and I’ll follow you anywhere you want to go. So long as we keep it to the inner sea region.”

He steals a kiss, soft and quick. “You drive a hard bargain, chief, but I’m ready to quit while I’m ahead.”

…

When the afternoon rolls around, Agria realizes that she felt less anxious before storming the Threshold. But like any battle, it’s about managing one’s advantages. She chooses to pitch the encounter in Drezen’s gardens—Arueshalae’s brilliant idea to celebrate the victory and a place where Agria feels most invincible.

She leaves her staff, though her leg complains.

She wasn’t sure he would wait: he was considered an important man in Brevoy now, indispensable to Lebedas and Surtovas alike. It feels odd, being here with him like this. Like she has slipped into the skin of an Agria of years past.

“Well, then. If you’re not going to tell me what you’re really here for, I suppose I shall have to guess.” Agria declares, as the two of them walk. “Whatever it is, no one is talking about it yet. Someone would have told me, so you must be hoping I can head whatever it is off before it goes public.”

“Is that so?” Asks Viktor, again impassive. Quietly, it makes her furious.

“So I should think. It can’t be within the family; you would never have come to me if it were. You must be hoping that I—in my renewed popularity—can dig House Lebeda out from whatever hole it has found itself in. So! That only leaves a few options: I can’t imagine you would come all the way here to appease the Medvyeds of all people. Nor the Garesses. That only leaves Houses Orlovsky… or Surtova.”

What a catastrophe that would be if they had truly lost the confidence of the Surtovas. It would be the death of Viktor’s life’s work. All those years the two of them spent in New Stetven—her studying and him maneuvering—it would all have been for nothing.

At last, he stops walking. He shakes his head as though it could expel the thoughts there. Looking down at her, he looks older than she has ever seen him. It’s almost startling. “It’s about your cousin’s engagement.”

It can only be Elanna, who has been circling an engagement with King Noleski Surtova for Pharasma knows how long. But Agria has no obligation to be a good sport about this. Folding her hands behind her back and tilting her head innocently, she asks, “Which cousin? I have twelve.”

How Viktor Lebeda scowls. It’s an expression she recognizes in the mirror. Agria tastes satisfaction. Pushing her advantage, she decides to set a trap. “I have a boyfriend. You may have heard.”

Let him brush her off with a dismissive comment about her tiefling lover. Let him tell her how little he cares about her personal life when the family reputation is in danger. Let him give her a reason to finally be rid of him for good.

Instead, the corners of Viktor’s lips quirk upwards. “I have. He’s the boy from Kenabres, isn’t he?”

“He’s been with me from the beginning.”

“I suppose he has,” he says. His phantom smile drifts into something stronger as he looks over at her. “I have to admit: it’s—odd, to think of you and… boys.”

“I’m not sure how. I haven’t been a child in a long time.” And who is to thank for that?

“No, of course, you’re right. But you’ve always been so... focused. It’s funny to think that you made room for anything else.”

It strikes a sour chord with her. Whose fault was it, after all, that there had been so space to spare? “I owe that to you.”

“I suppose you do,” he says thoughtfully. “Do you remember the first thing I ever taught you?”

She does.

“You taught me how to control flame,” she recalls. “It was after I set one of the tapestries on fire—the one with the little blue bird in the corner. He always looked so—cheerful, I suppose. So pleased that you looked long enough to find him. That one was my favorite.”

Mother had made the tapestry, of course, and all the others in the little house outside of Restov--but it feels wrong to mention her now. Here. Things had been different then: they hadn’t had the kind of capital needed to keep a real staff, certainly not like the one their cousins had in Silverhall. It had just been the three of them.

Viktor senses the mood that has fallen across the two of them like a shroud, and he too knows better than to say her mother’s name. “It was my favorite, too.”

He had been a busy man then as he was now, ever setting off for the family seat or the capitol. Getting his attention had been no small feat, but Mother’s needlework had been like her second child. All agreed that works of such beauty were worthy of protection.

Her father had sat across from her on the floor of the living room holding her hands between her. His face had been soft, then, his eyes crinkling with his smile. You have to picture the flame in your mind, imagine it doing as you ask it to, he explained. Ask it nicely enough, and the magic will do as you say. He was right—she never set anything on fire without meaning it again. They had been young, then, and the future had looked bright.

What happened to us?

“What is he like?”

She can’t smother the smile. “Funny. Smart. Stars, he’s smart. You should see him balance a checkbook—that’s a magic of its own.”

Instinct tells her to stop talking, to give him no more than she must, but what does she have to be afraid of anymore?

“I thought it had to be hard. Miserable, even. I thought if I didn’t have to suffer for it… then it wasn’t love, not really.  There’s nothing to be gained in life without pain, as they say. I was so afraid that it would all evaporate as soon as things started to go wrong.”

It had been the only way the story ever ended. Her father certainly hadn’t been the only one to stop speaking to her after her great unraveling. She had always been excellent at driving people away.

“But…?”

“But it didn’t. He doesn’t ask for things it would hurt me to give. It feels… safe. Like it’s just us, and there’s no reason to be afraid. When we got back from the Abyss… We learned that someone would have to die if we wanted to close the Wound. We thought that it would have to be me.

“He had nothing when we met, just his smarts and the clothes on his back. The crusade was his way out, maybe his one chance. And he offered to leave it! For me. He wanted to set out for the River Kingdoms, and just… be the two of us. No money, no titles. I didn’t… I didn’t know it could be like that.”

“Why didn’t you go?”

“Because I’m me.” She laughs. “I always want just a little more. I wanted them both, him and Sarkoris.” And her gardens in Drezen and his orphanage in Kenabres. She wants them all.

When she glances at her father, his eyes are sad. She is sad for him.

“I missed you,” he says. She thinks he means it.

She only nods in the face of his sincerity; Agria, Lushbringer and hero of the Fifth Crusade, is much easier to miss than the Agria of New Stetven. It changes so very little, and Agria knows how this works. “About Elanna… I promise nothing. You haven’t yet made any specific requests. But if I do—then I would expect the same for the Sarkorians in Lebeda territory, should they decide to return here.”

Once more, the corners of his mouth turn up into a faint smile, saying all he refuses to say out loud.

…

Woljif stand waiting for her where she hoped she could find him at the foot of the citadel. What’s more, he’s idly spinning her beloved Staff of Flowers as he waits. Tapping it lightly on the ground, a delicate little purple-blue wildflower sprouts from the staff’s tip. Cornflower, she thinks with her first true smile of the day.

“Forget something?” He asks when he catches sight of her, plucking the flower and hold her staff out to her.

“No,” she says ruefully, taking it back. She already feels better with its weight in her hand. Or maybe that’s just Woljif’s presence. “I was doing something foolish.”

“You? Never!”

“Yeah, yeah. I thought it would make a point.” She reaches forward to pull him closer, playing absentmindedly with the buttons of his shirt.

“Did it?” He asks, tucking the cornflower behind her ear.

“Eh,” says Agria. She’s not sure, but it did feel good in the moment. Continuing to fuss with the front of shirt, she finds a silver chain holding an empty delicate setting. “Have you thought about what you might put in here?”

“Dunno yet. Maybe something red,” he says as he twirls an auburn curl around his index finger. She can’t hold back her laugh. Looking over her shoulder at the back of the man who was her father, he asks, “Was that—?”

“Yes,” she answers abruptly, “but I’m not ready to talk about it yet.”

Woljif’s brows draw together in concern, but he hums in acceptance. “You know he kinda looks like you?”

“No, he does not!” It can be hard to tell with aasimars, but Agria far more closely resembles her mother. She has her eye shape and upturned nose. No one has ever accused her of looking like her father’s daughter.

“He does! Not in the face really—well, he does when you look like that—but he walks like you do, like you’ve got somewhere important to be. I’d’ve never tried for one of your wallets.”

“You would have missed out, then. He doesn’t really look where he’s walking either.”

“Maybe not, but can you imagine the chewing out I would’ve been in for if one of you had caught me? Believe me, it’s better this way.”

“I would like you to know that I am more upset with you right now than I was after Drezen.” Agria says, removing her hands from him to cross her arms archly.

“Nah,” says Woljif, poking her lightly in a spot where he knows she’s ticklish. “You love me.”

She really does.

[raisedbyfandomwolves]

I have a prompt if it’s not too long! Supergirls phone gets stolen and CatCo post her text messages and they just can’t figure out who the 😏 (Mon-El) contact is. Thank you! -Cassie

Hi! Sorry this took so long and I’m not sure if this is what you envisioned when you sent me this prompt but I hope you like it!

--------

Kara's made mistakes; she knows it and she's not so proud that she won't admit it.

There have been big mistakes – thinking she can take on a rampaging Buroul without backup definitely counts – and little mistakes – picking up the wrong order and getting yelled at for it by Ms Grant for a whole hour – but no matter what, she's owned up to every last one of them.

This time though... This time, she really wishes she could just blame it all on someone else.

Maybe Alex. Alex had been the one who had given her the second phone in the first place, after all. “Consider it a necessary backup now that you have a second job,” her adoptive sister had said as she had handed over the device. “You never know when you'll need it.”

That moment had never really materialised and, minus checking the few DEO alerts that had gotten sent to it, Kara had ended up just using it when her own phone's battery was low or for random things like downloading games Winn had recommended trying.

And occasionally texting Mon-El.

It's a bad habit she shouldn't have allowed to take root, she realises in hindsight, but at the time it had seemed pretty harmless. She's a careful person, after all, and keeping track of two phones is a simple enough thing to do.

At least, that's what she had believed.

Right up until she had gotten into a huge brawl with a couple of alien mercenaries downtown and lost that phone somewhere between getting punched into a building and having a car tossed at her head.

Which in itself would've been fine if she had noticed and retrieved it before she had left.

Of course, she hadn't done that... and someone else had found it instead.

Someone who had managed to figure out that the phone belonged to Supergirl... and posted the texts all over the internet.

The internet had promptly and predictably imploded.

And now here she is, hiding from the rest of the world face down on her couch and alternating between cursing herself for her carelessness, trying not to die of embarrassment and wishing she had a combination of Winn's hacking skills and J'onn's telepathic powers just so she can destroy all the evidence and erase everyone's memories then pretend none of this ever happened. (Her one saving grace – whatever it's worth anyway – aside from the fact that she'd put a silly smiley instead of Mon-El's name and consequently protected his identity is that their texts had been more sweet and mushy instead of scandalous and inappropriate although some of his had definitely counted as suggestive in nature.)

In short, Kara is nothing less than a giant Kryptonian-shaped ball of shame and suffering at the moment.

The same, however, cannot be said for Mon-El, who had readily surrendered his own phone once they had realised it had been indirectly compromised and is now using her laptop to keep track of the madness with a gigantic grin on his face.

To say that he's the complete opposite of her and is actually enjoying this entire fiasco would be an understatement.

“'Supergirl's Superboyfriend?'!” he reads out yet another atrocious headline from some gossip website with the exuberance of a kid in a candy store. “Hey, maybe I should adopt that as my superhero name.”

“Absolutely not.” Her words come out muffled thanks to her current position so she forces herself to lift her head just enough that she can glower at him. “Again, no. It's mortifying. Don't you have any shame? And wouldn't you prefer to have a superhero name that's completely your own instead of one that's so... so... connected to me?”

“Daxamite,” he reminds her as he meets her almost lethal glare, his free hand pointing at his still grinning face that she very dearly wants to throw a pillow at right now. “As for your second question, I'd consider it an honour so I really wouldn't mind.”

“Well, it's mortifying for me then!” she growls, her cheeks burning so much she wonders if her face resembles a fire hydrant at the moment. “And I don't understand why you're so interested in all this! Didn't they have gossip back on Daxam?!”

“Nothing like this. I mean, everyone pretty much knew who everyone was sleeping with-” She cringes at that and turns a darker shade of red. “-so the gossip was more about other things like who'd gotten caught cheating at cards- Oh, CatCo's put out an article too!” he cuts himself off to announce the latest update, somehow managing to sound even more delighted than before. “And look, your boss even wrote it herself!”

A miserable groan escapes her and she buries her face in her couch again. Ms Grant had been beyond livid that someone had out-scooped her about Supergirl, never mind the fact that it had been the result of a complete accident, and Kara can only imagine what the woman has written much less planned next.

Luckily for her, Mon-El decides it's his duty to share the 'pertinent' details with her. “Wow, she managed to guess that I'm an alien too and there's even a photo of us although it's kind of blurry...” He laughs. “The comments are even better. They're saying I must be 'a real hunk' and 'totally ripped' among other things.”

Aghast, she raises her head again to stare at him, a confusing mixture of incredulity and possessiveness clouding her mind. “Why would they even be talking about that kind of thing?!”

“Well, you're Supergirl,” he replies with a faux sage-like voice although it's beyond obvious he's suppressing one hell of a smug grin. “It's only natural to assume you have excellent taste in men.”

She gurgles for over a minute, unable to vocalise a single coherent word due to being at a complete loss as to how to respond. Denying it feels wrong but agreeing is just unthinkable especially since he'll be obnoxiously self-satisfied about it until the end of time... and judging by the way he's now openly grinning at her, he knows it.

Stuck between two unpalatable choices, Kara opts to take a third option and drops her head back down again. Maybe if she gives it enough time, this will all just blow over and she can get on with her life like nothing had ever happened.

The laugh full of impish glee that bursts out of Mon-El just as she finishes that thought suggests she's not getting her wish anytime soon... and what he says next only confirms it in the worst possible way. “Hey Kara, guess what? Apparently it's called 'supersex' when we do it!”

...Screw this. National City can go find itself a new superhero; she's leaving Earth and never coming back.

(Eventually Winn is able to make it seem as if the texts had been part of someone's roleplaying account, whatever that's supposed to be, but it's still a good long while before Kara can bring herself to look any of her family and friends in the eye.)

[shirlleycoyle]

Why This Teen Walked Away From Millions of TikTok Followers

This is part of a special series, The Future of Fame Is the Fan, which dissects how celebrity became so slippery. It’s also in the latest VICE magazine. Subscribe here. 

Sixteen-year-old Ava Rose Beaune was hanging out at a friend’s house on an otherwise unremarkable mid-July afternoon when her cell service briefly shut off. She tried to text her dad, but it wouldn’t send—definitely odd, she thought, but not alarming.

Then people started messaging her: Did you see what’s on your Twitter? Your Instagram? What’s going on? She logged on to her social media accounts and saw that her new Facebook status alluded to suicide—but she hadn’t posted it.

“My whole family thought I was going to kill myself,” Ava said.

Suddenly, a man she’d never met was calling her parents, demanding to speak to her. He had control of all her contacts, texts, emails, and social media accounts. The next day, he texted her: I just want to talk to you. (Spoken and written quotes from Ava’s alleged stalker are italicized to indicate they are not necessarily direct quotes but are as she remembers them.) He called her, and she answered, begging him to do whatever he wanted to her Instagram account, if that’s what he was after. “Delete it. Delete it and leave me alone if that’s what you want,” she told him. You don’t want that, he said. “I do,” she replied. I just want to meet up with you and have sex with you, he said.

“That’s when I hung up the phone, and I was like, this is getting weird,” Ava told me. This stranger had managed to hack her accounts using a method called SIM swapping, in which he contacted her wireless service carrier and convinced them that he owned the account and needed them to transfer access to the SIM card to the phone in his hand—effectively taking over her digital life.

In screenshots viewed by VICE, the hacker can be seen posting a Story to her Instagram about being Ava’s new boyfriend, issuing rape threats, and writing things like “I can’t wait til I impregnate you and marry you. you only live 5 MIN away from me.” She got her social media accounts back in her own possession and resolved the problem with her carrier. “OK, this is, you know, the end, whatever,” she recalled thinking.

With more than 2 million followers on TikTok, Ava was a minor celebrity in her own circles. So, she said, she was used to men being creepy, or even hostile. This was extreme, she thought, but it was over.

But it wasn’t. This was only the beginning of weeks of daily harassment so severe it would uproot her life entirely.

As of this year, TikTok likely has more than 1 billion monthly active users, and the market research firm Statista estimates that adolescents between 10 and 19 years old make up 32.5 percent of those users. The spiritual successor to Vine, TikTok is a micro-video sharing platform that favors an off-the-cuff, do-it-yourself style: People of all ages lip-sync to movie clips and songs, mimic elaborate dances in their living rooms, and use filters to edit the 60-second videos into tiny works of art. It’s also something of a fame lottery.

All this manic, frenetic energy combined with massive audiences is addictive in the same way any social media platform is: with casino-style scrolling and a notification system and the looming chance at virality. Normal teens like Ava—who signed with a talent agency in January 2020—become voracious consumers as well as unstoppable creators, hoping to strike it big, get discovered, or at the very least, make it to the For You feed, where one video plucked by some mysterious algorithm from a user’s feed can get in front of millions of eyeballs instantly.

“I’d rather not give those people the satisfaction of being noticed.”

Despite all this, cyberbullying experts say that TikTok isn’t the worst social media app for harassment. “The way that TikTok is built reduces the likelihood of cyberbullying when compared to other apps,” said Sameer Hinduja, the co-director of the Cyberbullying Research Center. Features like direct messaging that only allow mutual followers to contact each other, and the inability to add images or videos to comment sections, set it apart from other apps. “To be sure, cyberbullying can manifest itself in hurtful TikTok videos directed towards others, as well as in comments and in livestream chats—but these possibilities are no different than on any other social media app,” Hinduja told me.

According to TikTok’s transparency report from 2020, 2.5 percent of videos the platform removed were for bullying or harassment. But there are some features unique to TikTok that make it prone to a different, more personal kind of harassment. “Duet” allows other users to repost your video with a split-screen video of their own. Most of the time, it’s used innocently, for singalongs or miniature skits. But some users say it opens a portal for disturbing abuse. In 2018, BuzzFeed News reported that people—often young children—would duet their videos with a video of them acting out suicide, putting plastic bags over their heads or belts around their necks, to show their disgust at the original post. And a Duet from a more popular account can send a wave of attention from their followers to your page, not all of it positive.

Nick, who runs a TikTok account with his five-year-old daughter Sienna (the family goes by their first names publicly, to protect their privacy), told me that they experience Duet-based harassment on top of the usual comment section cruelty. “Some users would duet our videos and say mean, nasty things that were just not true,” he said. “In the beginning, it made us second-guess the path we were going down.”

It hasn’t stopped since they started the account, in October of 2018—and they’ve since gathered more than 14 million followers. But they have gotten better at managing it, Nick said. “Sienna is luckily very intelligent and knows that this is not OK. I made sure to sit down with her, emphasizing how special she is and that people may not see that right away.”

Nick believes TikTok does a good job of handling harassment, and giving creators the tools to handle it themselves. “If there is consistent harassment from a specific account, I block and delete their hateful comments,” he said. “For the negative comments in general, I tend to just ignore them. I’d rather not give those people the satisfaction of being noticed.”

TikTok does allow users to opt out of Duets. But these are the features that foster that slingshot fame; opting out of them means opting out of your chance at going viral or just growing your audience.

Fatima and Munera Fahiye, who are sisters and TikTok creators with around 3 million followers each, told me that they also find the platform to be responsive when they need support. “There were multiple accounts on TikTok impersonating me on the app, and TikTok helped me by verifying my account to let people know that my account is the real one,” Munera said.

Whatever harassment they do receive—which often means racist comments—they say is outweighed by the support of fans. “I have been on TikTok for a year now, and I have not experienced any harassment, but after gaining some followers I have seen some mean comments about my hijab every now and then, but I try to not give it any attention, because the love and support that I am getting from my fans is more than the little hate, so it does not matter,” Fatima said.

The harassment that happens on TikTok doesn’t stay there, however. On Reddit, whole communities are devoted to catching women and girls on social media in the middle of wardrobe slips, where you can see down their shirts, up their skirts, or anytime they shift and move and reveal a glimpse of more skin. Standalone websites are made for this purpose, too, and for doxxing and harassing women who might have a TikTok in addition to an OnlyFans or other separate adult platform.

In 2020, a server on the gaming chat platform Discord took requests for TikTok creators to be made into deepfakes—AI-generated fake porn. Although child pornography is against Discord’s terms of use, even in the form of deepfakes, one of the most requested targets was only 17. A request for another deepfake noted, “by the way she turns 18 in 4 days.”

Creators also find their content, clothed as in the originals or deepfaked, reposted to porn sites. In concert, the people on each of these platforms work together to create an overwhelming environment of virtual assault for many young women.

Until TikTok, Ava had never really been into social media, she told me on a Zoom call in her parents’ house. She was taking a break from high school distance learning; this was her senior year, spent over video chats because of the COVID-19 pandemic. “I always told myself I’d never make a TikTok because my friends all had it and I was like, that’s so cringe,” she said. “Like, I’ll never start that. But they were like, ‘Come on make one,’ so I did.”

She said she made her first account when she was 15, and posted the usual stuff: trend dances, makeup videos. Within a few days, her audience went from the friends who talked her into joining to 150,000 followers—a leap in popularity that she still doesn’t entirely understand. The sudden attention startled her; she deactivated the account.

She accidentally reactivated the account later, and at this point, having gotten over the initial shock of attention, decided to give it another try.

A rock smashed through her mom’s car window with a threatening note tied to it: I want to take you and impregnate you.

Once Ava started posting new videos, the hateful comments started. “I thought that was like the worst it could get,” she said. “It was like, body shaming and hate—the body shaming especially never bothered me, and the normal hate comments were just like, whatever.” A few users created accounts to post rape threats about her, and this did disturb her, but she took it as par for the course as a young woman online.

That is, until one of her followers started stalking her and her best friend, Gabriel. That follower messaged Gabriel, mentioning her home address and demanding to know who she was dating. “So, we’re both kind of like laughing like this guy’s obviously just some weird fan,” she recalled.

I have something planned for Ava. You’ll see in the next three months. I’m planning something big, Ava says he told Gabriel. He hacked her phone three months later, on Gabriel’s 18th birthday. After that, the man texted Ava every day.

“It was stuff about how he wants to rape me, how he’s going to get me, how I can easily stop this—he was texting my dad saying, She’s not allowed to hang out with her friends, if she goes out I’ll know. Saying he’s watching over us and stuff like that.” Every time Ava thought the situation was as bad as it could get—that this man she’d never met was going as far as he could go—he went further.

Then a rock smashed through her mom’s car window with a threatening note tied to it: I want to take you and impregnate you.

Cyberbullying has proven long-lasting effects on teens and young adults. As Hinduja noted, studies show that it’s tied to low self-esteem, depression, anxiety, family problems, academic difficulties, delinquency, school violence, and suicidal thoughts and attempts.

“So at this point I was like, ‘OK, this is getting a little serious.’”

“Most important to me is how negative experiences online unnecessarily compromise the healthy flourishing of our youth at school,” he said. According to his and his co-director Justin Patchin’s research at the Cyberbullying Research Center, over 60 percent of students who experienced cyberbullying reported that it “deeply affected” their ability to learn and feel safe while at school, and 10 percent of students surveyed said they’ve skipped school at least once this past year because of it.

“That cannot be happening,” Hinduja said.

“In general, I hope people will remember that everyone is a human being just like them. We are all capable of feeling hurt and disappointment, and just because there are numbers and a platform attached to our lives doesn’t mean we are impervious to hurtful words or harassing comments,” Nick said. “TikTok is a space where everyone should feel safe to express their creativity, and in order to do that we need to be kind to others.”

Maxwell Mitcheson, Ava’s agent and the head of talent at TalentX Entertainment, told me that he’s seen harassment take a direct toll on young people. “A lot of creators are growing up in front of millions of people, and that involves making mistakes and learning and growing from them,” he said. “The hateful rhetoric definitely weighs on them; some don’t even look at their comments section anymore just to try and stay positive.”

“It’s the inability to make mistakes, being attacked for being authentically yourself, and the sudden lack of anonymity,” Mitcheson said.

Ava’s experience was on the extreme side, he explained, but creators at his agency have had instances of hacking and stalking, or fans randomly showing up at creators’ homes. “We’ve had to involve security and PIs before, but Ava’s was a situation that could have ended in tragedy if it weren’t for the Toronto police intervening.”

After the window-breaking threat, Ava said the police told her that she couldn’t stay at home. She went to stay at a friend’s house, but he still reached her there, she said. “He just kept going saying like, look at what you’ve done, this is all your fault,” she said. He sent her a private message that would delete after it was opened, so she recorded it using a friend’s phone:

I need you to accept the fact that I’m extorting you right now, you need to accept that this isn’t going to end no one’s gonna catch me, the police haven’t ever caught me when I did this before, accept it, give me what I want, I want you to meet up at this park right behind your house I want to do this this this this to you

if you don’t I will kill your parents in front of you in your living room and take you.

“So at this point I was like, ‘OK, this is getting a little serious,’” she told me.

She said she sent the message to the police, who told her whole family to stay somewhere else, hours away. They did, for two weeks. He kept texting her: are you going to be there Saturday you’re making the wrong decision you better answer me.

Eventually, Ava recalled, he was caught. He left the VPN he was using to mask his location off for a half a second, according to her—just long enough, she remembers the police telling her, for the investigators to capture his location data and pinpoint where he was texting her from.

Ava said that the police told her that when he was caught, they found six separate phones and a bunch of SIM cards in his possession—full of pictures and videos of Ava that he’d taken from her accounts. According to the Toronto area detective Ava and her family worked with, the case is still in the courts.

Talking to me now, over Zoom, in between classes and facing midterms, Ava seems fine. She’s able to recount this story in delicate detail, without flinching. She understands the gravity of what happened to her, and how it upended her life. Her family decided to move away, “to the middle of nowhere, pretty much,” she said.

But she is different now. She stopped posting to her TikTok to focus on her friendships and family, though she still posts sporadically on Instagram. She would like to be more active on social media, but she’s not pushing herself. She has anxiety that she describes as “really bad.”

“It’s really affected me, like, you know, just like not being able to live in your own home, and like, even when you are at home, not being safe… It’s really hard, especially when I was only 16 when this happened,” she said. “It is hard, and knowing that my parents were always stressed out and not being able to go outside and walk without feeling kind of scared…”

Before she stopped posting new TikTok videos, she tried to open up on the platform in videos about her mental health and her experiences. But people weren’t receptive to it.

“Especially when they’re like, Oh, a TikTok girl that all the simps love, or What are you complaining about, all these boys love you, kind of thing,” she told me. “I’ve been trying to go to therapy and trying to get over it, but when that kind of thing happens you’re not really the same afterwards. You have a different outlook on social media. You’re kind of scared of if it’s going to happen again. You don’t think those people exist until it happens to you, and then you’re like, wow, this is crazy.”

Online harassment has a silencing effect on people of all ages and genders, but women have it especially bad—and young women are pushed offline, out of the center of conversations and control of their own narrative, at earlier and earlier ages. As adolescents, harassment online makes them do worse in school, seek riskier behaviors, and contemplate or even attempt and follow through on self-harm and suicide. As grown women, this looks like anxiety, a lack of self-confidence, not sleeping, and stepping out of the online conversation altogether to protect their own mental health, and, in severe cases, the safety of themselves and their loved ones. When harassment is allowed to carry on, and women are shamed for seeking help, the damage digs deeper—and we lose those voices.

I asked Ava what she wishes more people understood—about her, about what it’s like to have a big social media following, about how it feels to have millions of eyes on you at such a young age. “I just wish they knew that just because you have followers, doesn’t mean you have this perfect life,” she said. “Just because boys love you, that doesn’t complete your life. When these kinds of things happen, you should be able to be open about it.”

Follow Samantha Cole on Twitter.

Why This Teen Walked Away From Millions of TikTok Followers syndicated from https://triviaqaweb.wordpress.com/feed/

[punkcherries]

get ready to rrrrrumble

jesus christ this is a long ass submission so uh puts it in a read more also puts my txt in bold so its easier to read 👍

Right, so I’ve just read everything that happened in the last few asks you got and I’m just gonna sit down and tell you this right now. You better strap the fuck in because this is long and if you’re not gonna read it, shame on you, because all of this is specifically about YOU and the problems people have with you (the people Blu mentioned). First off, I’m not Blu, so don’t go and start calling him names in your server because you’re finally, FINALLY, being called out on all the bullshit you do. I used to be your friend, I left on semi-good terms, and this entire thing is going to explain WHY I left + why you need to square the fuck up.

sounds like fun whoever u are

You need to get your shit together and seriously change yourself, but of course you’re not gonna do that, because you’re an incompetent piece of shit who has your head so far up your ass you can’t see all the things you do wrong. You act like you’re the person who suffers the most, and that anytime anyone is rude to you it’s THEIR fault, not the fact that you did something terrible to someone or that you started some drama. I’ve been fed up with this shit for months, and have been hesitant to say anything directly to your face, because you don’t even know me that well and we hardly talked. We did interact a few times, but those few times were absolute hell to me, because I must have literally retracted some kind of disease just from being near you. You are the fucking EMBODIMENT of tumblrina, and it’s so fucking sad because you weren’t like this before (based on what a few others have told me).

the use of tumblrina here is jus makin me laugh ur a funny guy buddy but i feel like my past self is worse thn my current self like past me participated in cringe culture so like ew

The way you talk? Absolutely fucking horrid. Sit the fuck up and talk like a normal goddamn human being. I’m here to talk to you, not to decipher some 57 commas and abhorrid shortening of words. Jesus fucking Christ Sombre, I can understand Internet slang and cutting some words up, but you fucking butcher the English language so bad it literally sounds like a toddler having a stroke while mashing at their keyboard. It’s “that” not “tht”, it’s “thing” not “thng”, it’s “something” not “smth”, and for GOD FUCKING SAKES IT’S “THE” NOT “TH”. ARE YOU LITERALLY SO FUCKING LAZY THAT YOU CAN’T EVEN TYPE “THE”, A THREE LETTER WORD. I don’t give a shit if you’re talking like this to sound like an anxious uwu tumblr piece of SHIT, it sounds fucking IDIOTIC and it’s an ABSO-FUCKING-LUTE PAIN TO READ.

language is fake and is mostly just sounds we give meaning, im very sorry if you have trouble reading the way i type and id be more than happy to try and not speak to you like i usually do to everyone else if you just asked politely and talked it out with me (tho the idiotic part is accurate im not very smart lmao)

SPEAKING OF YOUR TUMBLR, LET’S TALK ABOUT YOUR UPSET.TXT TAG. If you think anyone is gonna pity you, SPOILER ALERT! THEY’RE FUCKING NOT. Unless they’re your shitty “friends”, NOBODY fucking gives a shit, alrighty? Speaking from my perspective and a few others, nobody’s gonna see this venting on their dashboard and give two shits. Unless they’re your mutuals, they won’t care and it just leaves a bad impression. It’s pathetic how when ANYTHING negative happens to you, you decide to take to Tumblr to boo hoo crypost about it. You wanna vent? You wanna cry yourself to sleep? Cool, talk about it on your server, NOT FUCKING TUMBLR, WHERE LITERALLY ANYONE CAN SEE IT. This is just like how Facebook used to be, you see these posts of people posting personal shit and getting bit in the ass for it later, YEAH WELL THAT’S WHAT’S HAPPENING TO YOU RIGHT NOW BUDDY. DON’T LIKE IT? DON’T FUCKING VENT ON TUMBLR.

i rarely vent on here dude like?? do you see the time gaps between the posts in my vent tag? its also my blog so i can post whatever i like as long as im not hurting anyone yo, plus the point of venting for me at least isnt to like get attention or sympathy its to let off some steam not to mention most to all of my vent posts are vague as hell so like…. why do you even care though?? if i get bit in the ass then thats my problem not yours

Right, so let’s talk about your “im gay” tag too! You identify as male, correct? That’s cool! Congrats. But you’re not gay if you clearly show an interest in girls. Doesn’t matter if they’re fictional or not. Your “im gay” tag is filled with girls (Bismuth, some anime girl, pinup girls). NEWSFLASH ASSHOLE! You’re male, those are females! Opposite genders! That means you’re NOT GAY! WOAAAAAH! So who are you to be reblogging and posting all this shit about how hetero people are the devil, hetero people are the worst wah wah, when you yourself identify as a guy and clearly seem to be interested in girls, even if just a little?

dude i used to identify as nonbinary i only recently started identifying as male, hell i used to identify as female ages back so like? the posts in that tag are most to all old and i do realize my attraction to girls isnt gay, hence why ive only been referring to my attraction to dudes as me being gay post-male identification i guess

Speaking of all the heterophobic shit you reblog, have you not considered it could make some of your followers feel absolutely terrible? I’m bi myself, I like both guys and girls, but holy FUCK when I see that shit on your blog it makes me feel guilty for liking guys at all! Is that how you want people to feel? Whether they’re pan, bi, or straight, that shit’s literally so fucking damaging and it sure as hell hurts to see! And don’t throw that “some of those posts are jokes” bullshit at me, because guess the fuck what! They may be jokes to people who aren’t hetero, but they sure as hell don’t seem like jokes to those who are! How would you feel if I made a joke that was even SLIGHTLY negative towards homosexuals? Wait, no, don’t answer that, because I already know how you’d feel. You’d get pissy, you’d stomp your little baby feet over to Tumblr, and then crypost about it, saying you’re facing homophobia and being harassed blah blah blah.

HETEROPHOBIC IM LAUGHING…. buddy…. pal…. heterophobia is fake and im very sorry if those post make you feel bad as a bisexual person (im also bi so) but heterophobia isnt actually a thing, comparing jokes directed at straight people to lgbtphobia is inherently lgbtphobic as it compares little jokes most to all directed at bigoted/ignorant straights to something that can often result in the actual literal death of hundreds of people for their gender/orientation- that doesnt happen to straight people dude

Also: you don’t have autism. Were you officially diagnosed? Because I’m gonna be real fuckin’ honest, it doesn’t sound like you have autism. You sure have something, hoh yeah, but it’s sure as hell not autism. You put your “autism” up on a pedestal and act like it’s one of the only things about you, like no hunty, your mental illness doesn’t define you. Nobody gives a shit, okay? Your mental illness isn’t an excuse to act like a literal fuckface, it’s not an excuse to treat people like shit, and it sure as hell isn’t an excuse to blame everything on others and make yourself out to be the good guy because “my autism made me anxious or forget things ;w;”. This is the exact kind of tumblrina thing I’m talking about, people on this goddamn website act like their mental illness is the only quality about them and that not being neurotypical makes them special. NEWS-FUCKIN-FLASH, it doesn’t. It really doesn’t. You don’t see me using my mental illness as an excuse for my actions, because I actually step the fuck up and take responsibility for shit I’ve caused. My mental illness does not define me. There’s more to me than that. You need to realize that your fake-ass autism isn’t an excuse for you to be a fucking asshole to the people around you, and that your actions do have consequences. Stop blaming others for shit you’ve caused, stop calling people jackasses when it’s YOU who’s insulting people and twisting the truth, and for the love of God tell your white knights of friends to shut the FUCK up if they don’t know all the details of a situation.

i was technically diagnosed albeit in a nontraditional fashion (a psych at our middleschool was the one who diagnosed me) and i have never defined myself solely by my autism nor have i used it as an excuse for my fuck ups, ive literally apologized and stopped doing the things i did since the blu incident, i recognize i fucked up there and i apologized and i havent done the whole lying out of anxiety thing since, also my white knights of friends??? YOURE the one coming into MY inbox to tell me how shit i am after i blocked blu i literally just want this to be over leave me alone dude

Alright, so now that we’re done talking about YOU, let’s talk about your fandoms. You like Osomatsu-San. Okay, that’s fine. What’s not fine is how FUCKING obsessive you are about it. There’s nothing wrong with liking something and being attached to characters, making art of it, having a blog, reblogging it, talking about it, that’s okay. That’s okay! But you? You fucking hold the characters so close and act like they’re your own characters. You get upset when something doesn’t go your way in the show. This was evidenced by how many times you’ve complained about episodes (guess where? upset.txt) after they’ve come out. That anon about the straight joke? You got so heated over that, didn’t you? Saying Chibita was “out of character”, BITCH, what do you fucking know? He’s not your goddamn character! The writers will write him however the fuck they want. It’s THEIR fucking show, it’s THEIR fucking characters, and it’s THEIR decision of who does what and who acts like what. There’s a VERY thick line between canon and fanon, and you can’t seem to distinguish that AT ALL. You merge your shitty headcanons with the canon universe, and when something doesn’t go your way, you FREAK THE FUCK OUT and go crying about it in your server or on your tags.

youre blowing that ONE FUCKING POST so out of proportion ive never complained abt ososan in upset.txt outside of MAYBE episode 4 and that would be because of the NONCONSENSUAL SEX SCENE i KNOW my headcanons arent canon i KNOW that the chibita/snowtoko complaint was MINOR and i fucking LIKED THAT EPISODE A LOT!! i didnt cry i just felt that based on how the staff have characterized chibita up until that point it was a little jarring to see him react like he did THAT IS ALL! what the fuck!! how would you even know what i talk about in my servers!! youre obviously misinformed my guy!!!

Lemme tell you something, Sombre: Karabita isn’t canon. OH SHIT! I SAID IT BOYS! THAT’S A FUCKING CURSE ISN’T IT!! No, sorry, sit the fuck down and suck those tears up, because it’s true. It’s not canon. It isn’t. You grasp at straws to say it is, but it isn’t. Chibita wore somehing blue? Oh shit, it’s Karamatsu! He’s clearly in love with him! No, sorry honey, that’s not how it works. Of course Chibita would feel pity on him and let him stay with him (ep 24), because who wouldn’t? That doesn’t mean they’re dating. Karamatsu may be the most bisexual person ever, but he sure as hell isn’t dating Chibita (at least, not canonly). Speaking of Chibita, you need to stop acting like any other Matsu x Chibita ship is literal hell. They’re not. There are some decent ones out there, and although they’re rarepairs by now, they’re a lot better quality than the Karabita bullshit you spew out.

me saying karabita is canon is a joke, and my disdain for non karabita matsubita ships is based half in coping reasons and half in chibita has literally no chemistry with the other matsus and seems to not like any of the other bros at all whereas hes actually shown some level of tolerance or interest in karamatsu

While we’re on the subject of non-canon ships, Atsutodo isn’t canon either. Fuck’s sake, they were on screen together for 10 damn seconds. Yes, I’m aware there’s card art of Atsushi and Todomatsu having a meal together, but they’re very clearly not dating if Todomatsu is still going out with girls and holding their hands etc. Oh, speaking of Todomatsu: Your trans hc of him? Generic as fuck. He’s not trans. Call me a transphobe, I don’t give a shit, but he’s not trans. Look at the -kun animes. He’s a guy. Where in his life would he have magically been a girl and then go right back to a guy? The time span between a 12 year old and a 21 year old isn’t long enough to allow you time to transition. In that day and age, it wasn’t even acceptable to be transgender. So none of the Matsus are trans, get that out of your head. Get those “autism hcs” out of your head too, because I KNOW you hc Kara and Jyushi as autistic (and I’m aware you used to headcanon Ichimatsu as autistic too, but we’ll get to that later).

i know atsutodo isnt canon i never said it was all the “x ship is canon” jokes are about karabita and theyre jokes dude, i just think atsutodo would be cute. why the fuck do you even care about my trans hcs?? theyre HEADCANONS they dont HURT ANYONE and like dude there are trans children out there….. stop being a fuckface about simple headcanons what the fuck.

Lemme tell ya something. Karamatsu sure as hell isn’t autistic. Literally the only reason you headcanon him as such is because you yourself claim to be autistic and because “uwu he’s m fav,,,, i relate to him,,,”. Also, I realize “jyushi is autistic xD” headcanons are common, but JESUS FUCK it’s time for them to die. Jyushimatsu is just bizarre in and out, it’s his personality and his way of life. If you’re gonna hc him as autistic for his personality, you’re obviously ignoring his physical abilities. What about that time he cloned himself? Grew different sizes? What about how he seemingly has no bones (tentacle arms)? But oh, let’s ignore that, because he’s always got a smile on his face and he has a childish personality so DURR HE’S OBVIOUSLY AUTISTIC. Also, you used to headcanon Ichimatsu as autistic, but as soon as you started hating him you threw that headcanon out the window. This is PROOF you only headcanon your favorite characters as autistic, and that’s some of the STUPIDEST shit ever.

literally just let people headcanon what they want if it doesnt hurt anyone, im sure in canon theyre not autistic but this is HEADCANON. and is this also to imply that just because a character can do bizarre thing with theyre body they cant also be autistic?? what the fuck does that have to do with anything??? and i didnt throw my autistic ichi hc out the window because “i hate him” i dont even hate him im indifferent to him i hate his fanon incarnation because its stupidly out of character and one note, i also didnt even drop the autism hc for him i feel like he definitely 100% could be autistic but i just dont think about it as much because i think about other characters more than i think about him

Oh yeah, I’d love to hear why you hate Ichimatsu so much? Shut up, I know it’s because “hhhh he abuses kara” but that’s fucking wrong. Listen, Ichimatsu isn’t exactly my favorite either but at least I don’t make him out to be a fucking asshole to Karamatsu. All of the brothers have treated Karamatsu like shit at one point or another. They’ve thrown things at him, ditched him, called him names, ignored him, it’s a fucking trope in the anime that Karamatsu was the one to get hurt. Sure, season 2 has kinda turned that around, but the whole “Ichimatsu is bitter to Karamatsu” thing is the dynamic between them. They DO have moments where they’re not onto each other, though. See how Ichimatsu followed Karamatsu into the woods? Remember the episode where they switched clothes? They didn’t kill each other neither of those times, did they? And yes, I’m aware Ichimatsu has hurt Karamatsu at times (the bazooka, I think smacking?) but he doesn’t LITERALLY ABUSE HIM. You don’t see him kicking him around, PUNCHING HIM, HITTING HIM, EVERY SECOND OF HIS LIFE. Yes, he calls him names. Yes, he’s threatened to hurt him (“I’ll kill you, Shittymatsu.”) but he’s been stopped or HAS stopped every time. If he really was so intent on hurting Karamatsu, don’t you think he wouldn’t ignore his brothers and hurt Karamatsu anyway? But no, he didn’t, and he stopped each time he grabbed Kara. That’s because the entire “Ichimatsu despises Karamatsu” thing is a GAG in the show. It’s meant to be funny. It’s not meant for your negative ass to label it as abuse and then boohoo about it every time Ichimatsu is mentioned. That’s not a valid reason to hate a character, hell, even Karamatsu’s seiyuu said in a Doramatsu CD that Karamatsu was just comic relief. And if you’re gonna look for a reason why Ichimatsu dislikes Karamatsu, consider the hinted and well-supported reason: Ichimatsu “hates” Karamatsu because of how confident he is and how he can always be himself. Ichi is insecure. Ichi is antisocial. Kara, on the other hand, can express himself and show how “cool” he is. Consider that Ichimatsu wants to be more like him, hence why he said he’s the “number one Karamatsu boy” in that one episode.

okay this is just ridiculous i DONT HATE ICHIMATSU and i KNOW its a GAG, i KNOW they get along sometimes i KNOW all the brothers have shat on kara I KNOW THIS abuse takes many forms though and in a more serious anime the way the bros treat kara would probably be depicted as abusive, but it isnt a serious anime so its a gag and i understand that thats FINE, did you even watch the ichimatsu incident? ichimatsu got plenty fucking pissed off at karamatsu and stuff and the “number one karamatsu boy” nonsense was him being concerned about how karamatsu might think of him as such not him calling himself a karamatsu boy, and yes i know the whole ichi wants to be cool and confident like kara thing i understand that but even so that wouldnt logically excuse his bitterness toward kara but again, its a gag anime so its whatever, youre also ignoring the facet of his disdain towards kara being in part because kara is also vain and ichi finds this annoying and thinks kara is fake as hell because of it there was something in i think a magazine where the bros are all asked what they think of eachother i think and i THINK ichi said something along the lines of him not liking kara because he fakes being nice for the sake of his own ego or something (which is likely ichi just having a negative image of kara rather than that actually being the case because i dont think karas that smart but who knows i dont!!) so like y’know

In conclusion, I would like to say you need to shut the fuck up and chill with your fandoms and headcanons, realize headcanons aren’t canon, and also get your head out of your ass. You’ve done so many wrong things and need to stop blaming them on others. You’ve lied, insulted, and put the blame on so many of your old friends, you’ve avoided people who you deem “toxic” (simply because they have different opinions than you), you think people can’t form their own opinions, and you don’t back up your friends when they’re getting shittalked. You act like an assoholic brat and cannot, for the life of you, open up your eyes and see this. You’re lucky the dicktwats on your server are there for you, because if they weren’t, you’d be all alone, and honestly? That seems pretty good at this point. Fits you perfectly.

i know headcanons arent canon, i know ive lied (though ive really only insulted people who were dicks to my friends and maybe blu which probably not a good thing but i mean hes also insulted me so?? even i guess??) and i regret that, im more honest now and try my best to show kindness to people who have done me and my friends no wrong, ive only ever put blame on blu i literally dont blame anyone else for anything, i dont avoid people i deem “toxic” i avoid people i dont get along with because if i dont get along with them then theres no reason to talk to them im gonna let them live their lives, of course i think people can form their own opinions what on earth are you talking about???? when did i not back up a friend when they got shit talked?? i dont remember that but id like to deeply apologize if i ever did, unless youre talking about when someone in my server insults blu over ykno… him not leaving me alone and harassing me when ive done nothing but mind my own business since the incident, then while it was kind of uncomfortable for me because i felt it was the wrong thing to do i couldnt exactly muster the words to protest it. im very sorry you feel that way im always trying to improve and i like to think that im making some level of progress in being more sensitive and kind to those around me. but also dont insult my friends they didnt do shit weve been minding our own goddamn business this entire time blu is the one who started it back up again.

Now, go back to crying in your server and soaking in self-deprication, fuckass.

yknow i get the feeling i know who this is but i dont want to jump to any conclusions so, uh, okay! see ya my dude :0c

[sambart93]

2017.09.18 Oushitsu Kyoushi Haine Review!

I was able to go to the Live Viewing of this stage! Which I am thankful for because tickets were impossible! I watched the anime when it first came out and loved the anime and fell in love with Haine and the fact that it's UeChan and Haine himself is adorable just made it all the more 'I must watch this!'

If you want more details about the overall story and plot of this stage then you can go to this blog post I just found here.

Official Website here Official Twitter here Press Coverage 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11 Video Coverage 1, 2, 3 PreOrder DVD/BR here, and here

However, my expectations for this musical did drop somewhat when on the Friday, I was outside the theatre (waiting for a trade) when I noticed, everyone that walked out were deadly silent and not smiling or speaking really. I’ve never seen that happen with a stage before! So it really worried me; did people not like it? Was it bad? What went wrong? Did something happen on stage? Did an actor get hurt? All these things went through my mind and ultimately it really pulled down my expectations for it. And then my friend went and was also like ‘before I went in for the night show, none of the afternoon audience were very waiwai (hyper, happy, fangirling) when they left.. and then I saw it; I understand why they weren’t waiwai but I think I’m not waiwai for different reasons’ so then I really had like minus expectations going into this. Which is a shame because thy anime is a amazing, the cast for this is solid, it has a lot of potential and room to grow and have fun and be a really enjoyable stage. But from what me and my friend had seen... it wasn’t promising =/

Anyway lets get down to it:

CAST and CHARACTERS

Ueda Keisuke as Haine Hirose Daisuke as Leonhart/Leonhard Asato Yuya as Kai Aoi Shouta as Rihito / Richi Adachi Yuto as Bruno Tatsuma Hoshi as Maximilian Udagawa Tsukasa as Lugwig Kimisawa Yuki as Rosenberg Nobuo Kyo as Victor Ensemble

NON SPOILER REVIEW Overall: This is going to be really stupid, and I know it, BUT... there was too much singing. I felt like 70% of this is just song after song after song (according to one press release, this musical has over 40 songs) with no plot or scenes of dialogue. Especially the beginning. The first 30 minutes are absolute torture of song after song and I got very agitated and bored of it very easily and felt like ‘get to the story already!’. Luckily the singing simmers down once we get past Leonhart’s arc and get into Kai and Rihito’s story; there’s definitely less singing and actual acting and scenes once that beginning is over. Asato Yuya as Kai was absolute perfection; he couldn’t have done a better job. Rihito’s arc in the stage is VERY good and very enjoyable. I absolutely adored Aoi’s performance  as Rihito in this part of the stage and his song in the climax of the arc actually made me cry pretty hard. Kimisawa really surprised me with his singing; his singing is absolutely amazing. I was so impressed! But after a while, what with apparently there being 40 songs in this stage, all his song started to sound the same and repetitive. But his voice is gold. I really enjoyed Nobuo Kyo’s performance and thought he fit Victor pretty well. UeChan was obviously a great Haine and his performance always fascinated and entices me. Although I will say; this musical version of Haine lacked in comedy and lightheartedness which is a shame because they could’ve done so many cute and adorable moments with UeChan as Haine but they didn’t do it so much; only now and again would there be cute Haine moments which I'm sad about. And because of the lack of comedy and lightheartedness, the musical feels very down and dark and it’s actually tiring to watch after about the first 110minutes. I noticed the audience around me in the cinema started to get really fidgety and restless after about 100 minutes, and I started to lose it after the 130 minute mark. I think that’s why so much of the audience is/was so neutral after coming out of the show. Finally, the show ran a bit too long; if they’d cut out some of the musical numbers, this play could’ve been shorter but also much more enjoyable in my opinion. I appreciated the ending change (from the anime to the stage) though - the rest of the stage is a carbon copy of the anime. Although it kind of ends suddenly without any real... climax song.... which also leads to the audience being very ‘ah okay... *walks home*’. The best part of the stage was, in all honesty, the curtain call. Seeing the cast interact with one another and having this massive laugh and fun together as themselves in front of the audience was so much fun xD Rating: 6/10

Now to the nittygritty.

SPOILER REVIEW

To reiterate the non-spoiler section: The first part of this play is just not good. I got very bored straight away because it was just song after song after song and it really bogged me down and I was just like 'hurry up and get to the story already!'. I know it's stupid to complain because this IS a musical but.... there really are TOO many songs in this - 40!... so many songs would've been better as just scenes of dialogue. I really don’t like when a song is put in just for performances sake rather than to help the plot along and I feel this happened a lot. For example, you don’t need to sing to me how many fucking points the princes got on their test; just fucking tell me! What a waste of time. So they really irked me. Also there was one female singer who was just a note too high for my liking in almost every song and it really made me cringe. If you wanna sing that high, go do fucking opera! It really took you out of the story with quite a few of the songs in my opinion. It also felt like it was trying to be ‘west end’ with all the ensemble dancing and the singing and such. It was too much for me. There’s a reason why I hate and avoid west end musicals, and Haine unfortunately was somewhat reminiscent of those musicals so I did not enjoy it. The overall balance in the group singing though was really nice and I fell like almost everyone balanced and bounced off each other well in the singing parts. I get it's a musical so there should be lots of songs, but it just feel the balance between music numbers and scenes with dialogue and actual acting, especially in the beginning, was way off.

This musical is REALLY long too! I think we got about 60% through and people were really starting to shuffle or going to the bathroom without really caring. And at about 80% through, I started to feel 'if we go to the council scene right now I'm gunna fucking scream! I am ready for this to be done', but luckily they changed the ending which made it so much more bearable and worked much better for stage rather than it would've in the anime but I'll get to that later.

It wasn't until we got to Kai's arc that it started to be less about the songs and actually whole scenes of dialogue and acting that I started to enjoy it. Unfortunately this means that I pretty much blocked out Leonhart’s arc because that too was just song after song in my opinion. They even cut out the scene of Haine reading his diary! I love that scene! And we didn’t have any ridiculous Haine chasing Leonhart on a horse while standing ON the horse! I was hoping for some Touken Ranbu Stage horse ridiculousness for that one scene but they cut it out completely =[ Apparently the ensemble in this one are too professional to do something that silly - seriously, I hated the ensemble (most likely the directors fault though), but I just hated them. I feel like all their constant singing and dancing didn’t add anything to the stage either. Just be normal ensemble and do your roles! BUT I will say, their costumes were very, very creative and I liked them xD

As expected, Kai's arc was adorable! Especially as soon as he grabbed UeChan's hand and was like 'funi funi.... your hand... is funi funi...... suki / I like you' and Haine freaked like 'it's still a little too early for that?!-- oh, you mean my hand because it’s soft,' which was so funny! Especially because during that moment Haine was brought to his knees from Kai really locking in on his hand and playing with it >_< Asato was just perfection as Kai; he was absolutely perfect. Seeing him completely switch back to himself at the curtain call was just a great transformation to witness. His acting was so good as Kai! He had some golden moments during Rihito’s arc too.

Rihito's arc was probably the best part in terms of acting and performance. Also it had a hilarious adlib in it! Kai comes in from a side door and into the crowd and is like 'I have to be able to give greetings just like Sensei said... *faces camera, but there’s no spotlight so it’s just this black silhouette of him facing the camera, so we all cracked up laughing* are you my father?! I'll do my best!' And then he tries to talk to a girl but fails so he's like 'I wonder what Haine would do in my situation', and UeChan is just in his seat trying not to crack up. So Kai repeats himself 'I WONDER WHAT HAINE WOULD DO IN MY SITUATION,' so UeChan gave in because the crowd clapped for him to join in. He 'jumped' through the 4th wall and approached a girl 'good evening... your kimono is beautiful.... who do you like in Haine? Oh me? Thank you! ... excluding me who do you like? .... she said only me'. Then he went back on stage and 'jumped' back into the Haine world. So Kai tries 'good evening! Who do you like in Haine? ...... LEOHARTO..... WHO’S NEXT? Me? Oh thank you!' And the adlib scene ends. When Rihito came back into that scene, he's like 'Haine you disappeared for a moment' xD

I really, really loved Rihito's arc. I think Aoi did absolutely amazing in his acting and performance. Especially the music number towards the end of his story where he's crying and he's like 'father doesn't care! He never did!' then his father accepts him and he's crying and breaking down like 'you really do care! And I didn't notice because I was just a stupid kid'. I legit couldn't stop my tears! The performance was amazing and I was so impressed with this part of the stage. Also there's a part where Rihito smacks the cafe owner in the face with the metal serving plate and I burst out into laughter. I thought it was hilarious!

OH! The girl next to me was SO funny! Everytime there was a close up of Aoi or DaiChan, she would smack her hand over her nose and mouth because she’d just cry xD she was adorable and kept me entertained during the less interesting parts of the play.

Then we got to Bruno’s arc. I feel like this one was probably the shortest and most simple to get through. I don’t really remember anything note worthy or different to the anime for this arc. Bruno’s actor is probably the weakest singer. You could tell he was trying but he didn’t have much of a range; it definitely seemed like his voice was going to crack at some points due to being strained. The actor himself is cute though, and I feel like I preferred stage Bruno over anime Bruno.

OH! There was one point! When he decides to call Haine ‘Shisou’ and he starts flailing and shaking his arms around, then Leonhart comes in and joins in on the flailing; that part was funny.

Which reminds me; a lot of the comedy and jokes that should’ve hit and made the audience laugh just didn’t; either the timing was off or they just didn’t express it as a comical moment but it totally should’ve been. Like THIS scene where he decides to call Haine ‘Shisou’ -- it’s hilarious in the anime -- but in the stage he’s just like ‘Ah! I will call you Shisou’ and Haine just walks away ‘I’d appreciate it if you didn’t.’ It SHOULD’VE a funny scene! We should’ve had a funny moment of Haine reacting to being called Shisou like ‘ararara?! Shisou?! *cough* I’d appreciate it if you didn’t.’ but nothing! I think A LOT of my problems for this stage musical from the LACK of comedy in it. There were some hilarious parts don’t get me wrong! Such as the adlib with Kai -- but it’s an adlib, not a planned comedy scene --- and we had some cute Haine moments.

Planned Comedy moments we had:

1. Haine being lifted up when he was captured 2. Maximilian giving Haine brides lift so he can’t enter the kingdom at the beginning. 3. Haine  rolling around the floor at and onto Rihito’s feet going ‘goro goro goro’ 4. Haine pulling pufferfish faces and pouting when a Prince is being childish. 5. Rihito smacking the cafe owner in the face with a silver serving plate. 6. Victor joining the cafe and having his butt smacked by the owner after doing a good job. 7. Haine jumping to his knees when he gets called a child. 8. Girls pretending to fall off their chair in the cafe so Rihito can help them up but he ignores them. 9. Haine curled up on the sofa and rocking side to side as he waits for his moment to talk.

But a LOT of this is just ‘story story, oh this prince has troubles, oh now they’re fixed, music number three billion times, story arc done, begin next arc’ without any comedy in it at all! This is HAINE!! The anime was hilarious (AND ADORABLE!)! The manga looks very funny too! But this musical just didn’t have it. Touken Ranbu is MORE funny than this stage! WTF?! That doesn’t add up does it?!

Now that I’ve gone down the road of negatives, I may as well carry on:

I did not like the 'Young Haine' and 'Young Victor' roles. It worked when the two actresses were just acting the scene out while the spotlights were mainly on Victor and Haine. BUT the LV cameraman kept the close ups on the two actresses, and I was like 'you're ruining the magic here!!! Keep the camera on Uechan or Nobuo OR stick to the wide shot you had going on with all 4 of them in shot because that looked FINE!' I did not like the close ups of the Young roles because they weren't even lip-syncing to what UeChan and Nobuo were saying so it just looked stupid in the cinema. Swear to god, these close ups are on the DVD and I'm gunna flip my shit. It just did not work. Continuing my ensemble hate; I HATED the fact that they used the SAME guy to play all the 'Young (insert the prince's name here)' every time,and they didn't even bother to put a wig on him to make him look more like the prince he was supposed to be at the time. Ugh..... that really got on my shit.

Final bad point: I feel like this stage ends really weird... I feel like the climax song was about 3 songs before the actual final song and it’s like ‘Haine please come back!’ and he goes ‘hello I’m your new teacher’ and it just ends, and they suddenly start bowing and I just think it’s really weird and abrupt how the stage ends. Why didn’t they end with like the boys running over to him ‘hey Haine I’m so glad you’re bad! Lets go do this! Let’s try this! Lets--’ and Haine going ‘wait! It’s time for class to start!’ and them all raising their hands and going ‘okay!!’ and then either happy clappy music starts blasting out, or lights cutting out to black before the clapping and bowing starts. That would’ve been a better ending.

BACK to the positives!

UeChan really is the cutest thing to walk this Earth xD whenever he did the little pouty faces or whenever he did something to make himself smaller was just so adorable! I was super surprised to hear that he can actually sing and that he sings so softly compared to his normal, very powerful voice! It's so adorable!! He also made me cry; it was during the Victor and Haine flashback scene and when it got to the Haine going on a fighting rampage, the Young role jumped out of the way and it was UeChan that did all the action and the fighting when he attacked the royal guards and my heart just hurt so much for Haine at that point <3 UeChan’s action choreography and movements were great! I was surprised how high he could kick his leg and everything! I also loved that they did the iconic gun scene when he and Kai are captured and the ‘bang’ sign comes out of the gun rather than a bullet xD UeChan’s action in that scene is good too!

To say it was Tatsuma’s first play, I thought he did great! His Maximilian was adorable! But, I think he needs to eat more; those pants and large jackets weren’t hide the tiny body he obviously has.

Just to reiterate the Non-spoiler section again: Kimisawa really surprised me with his singing; his singing is absolutely amazing. I was so impressed! I also thought he did a great job as Rosenberg and was happy with his performance. I think he made Rosenberg more mischievous. I really liked the scene where he throws the papers on the streets of the town so everyone can hear about Kai’s past. It was a nice moment. But like I said his songs started to sound the same and repetitive after a while. But his voice is gold and was amazing to listen to. AND I really enjoyed Nobuo Kyo’s performance and thought he fit Victor pretty well. Especially the cafe scene where he tries to act cute and does all these cute poses and then gets his butt slapped by the cafe owner and he feels and looks so violated xD I thought he and UeChan bounced off each other very well.

I'm glad they changed the ending. It was getting towards the end, I was getting agitated and thought 'if they go into the council scene, it's gunna be another 20 or 30 minutes, and I am so ready to be done!' But they changed it in that Rosenberg and Haine go back to Haine's old teaching church and Rosenberg tempts him to do something (I didn't catch what) but just before he accepts, the boys turn up and tell him 'you taught us that everyone has a few scars... you taught us we should do what we want' etc and in the end he decides to stay as their teacher. In the anime, the whole council scene works but for Stage I think the council scene would've been too much and I'm glad they changed it to make it all this more simpler and more 'just about Haine and his boys' rather than in the anime where 'the kingdom gets to decide and the boys have to prove their mature enough' etc. I am thankful for this change!

AFTERSHOW

The curtain call was adorable. Everyone did their greetings and UeChan asked them all to hurry up but didn't explain until later that it's because they might get cut off in the LV of they go to long xD Bruno's actor was adorable! He was like 'playing Bruno and a Professor it was so--- wait what did I just say?' And then everyone had a go at him and he was like 'I'm okay' in like the cutest way ever and I absolutely died of laughter. During DaiChan's turn he said nothing mean about Aoi and Aoi ran for him but Bruno held him back while DaiChan just laughed his ass off and UeChan like 'behave!!' XD Nobuo was adorable too; ‘I'm not a father in real life buy I think I now know how fathers feel... look at my sons! I’m so proud of them!’. UeChan's parents were there tonight and he was like 'don't search for them! 探さないで！' to the audience >.<

EDIT: also during the second curtain call Ueda was like ‘thank you all for standing up, but we’re all going to say something so *switches to English* sit down please’ and it was such good pronunciation <3

*

I’m kinda regretting the fact that I preordered the BluRay (especially because you had to pay 1000yen at the venue just to preorder it) because of how much I ended up not enjoying the musical BUT hopefully on the BluRay they’ll be good backstage stuff which’ll make it worth it, plus it comes with a possible DVD release event ticket so if I hit for that then it’ll make the purchase worth it. If not, I’ll just sell it off to someone. Any takers? xD

*

GOODS

I’m defo buying his randoms from this stage in the near future; last week they were super cheap at KBooks.

*

And that’s all! Sorry it wasn’t all happy and smiles like you were probably expecting.. but to be honest; I LOVE complaining, when do I never not complain about a stage?

[cristayleeswiftlpt-blog]

30 THINGS I LEARNED BEFORE TURNING 30

by: Taylor Swift © @taylorswift @elle

1. I learned to block some of the noise. Social media can be great, but it can also inundate your brain with images of what you aren’t, how you’re failing, or who is in a cooler locale than you at any given moment. One thing I do to lessen this weird insecurity laser beam is to turn off comments. Yes, I keep comments off on my posts. That way, I’m showing my friends and fans updates on my life, but I’m training my

brain to not need the validation of someone telling me I look . I’m also blocking out anyone who might feel the need to tell me to “go die in a hole ho” while I’m having my coffee at nine in the morning. I think it’s healthy for your self-esteem to need less internet praise to appease it, especially when three comments down you could unwittingly see someone telling you that you look like a weasel that got hit by a truck and stitched back together by a drunk taxidermist. An actual comment I received once.

2. Being sweet to everyone all the time can get you into a lot of trouble. While it may be born from having been raised to be a polite young lady, this can contribute to some of your life’s worst regrets if someone takes advantage of this trait in you. Grow a backbone, trust your gut, and know when to strike back. Be like a snake—only bite if someone steps on you.

3. Trying and failing and trying again and failing again is normal. It may not feel normal to me because all of my trials and failures are blown out of proportion and turned into a spectator sport by tabloid takedown culture (you had to give me one moment of bitterness, come on). BUT THAT SAID, it’s good to mess up and learn from it and take risks. It’s especially good to do this in your twenties because we are searching.

That’s GOOD. We’ll always be searching but never as intensely as when our brains are still developing at such a rapid pace. No, this is not an excuse to text your ex right now. That’s not what I said. Or do it, whatever, maybe you’ll learn from it. Then you’ll probably forget what you learned and do it again.... But it’s fine; do you, you’re searching.

4. I learned to stop hating every ounce of fat on my body. I worked hard to retrain my brain that a little extra weight means curves, shinier hair, and more energy. I think a lot of us push the boundaries of dieting, but taking it too far can be really dangerous. There is no quick fix. I work on accepting my body every day.

5. Banish the drama. You only have so much room in your life and so much energy to give to those in it. Be discerning. If someone in your life is hurting you, draining you, or causing you pain in a way that feels unresolvable, blocking their number isn’t cruel. It’s just a simple setting on your phone that will eliminate drama if you so choose to use it.

6. I’ve learned that society is constantly sending very loud messages to women that exhibiting the physical signs of aging is the worst thing that can happen to us. These messages tell women that we aren’t allowed to age. It’s an impossible standard to meet, and I’ve been loving how outspoken Jameela Jamil has been on this subject. Reading her words feels like hearing a voice of reason amongst all these loud messages out there telling women we’re supposed to defy gravity, time, and

everything natural in order to achieve this bizarre goal of everlasting youth that isn’t even remotely required of men.

7. My biggest fear. After the Manchester Arena bombing and the Vegas concert shooting, I was completely terrified to go on tour this time because I didn’t know how we were going to keep 3 million fans safe over seven months. There was a tremendous amount of planning, expense, and effort put into keeping my fans safe. My fear of violence has continued into my personal life. I carry QuikClot army grade

bandage dressing, which is for gunshot or stab wounds. Websites and tabloids have taken it upon themselves to post every home address I’ve ever had online. You get enough stalkers trying to break into your house and you kind of start prepping for bad things. Every day I try to remind myself of the good in the world, the love I’ve witnessed and the faith I have in humanity. We have to live bravely in order to truly feel alive, and that means not being ruled by our greatest fears.

8. I learned not to let outside opinions establish the value I place on my own life choices. For too long, the projected opinions of strangers affected how I viewed my relationships. Whether it was the general internet consensus of who would be right

for me, or what they thought was “couples goals” based on a picture I posted on Instagram. That stuff isn’t real. For an approval seeker like me, it was an important

lesson for me to learn to have my OWN value system of what I actually want.

9. I learned how to make some easy cocktails like Pimm’s cups, Aperol spritzes, Old-Fashioneds, and Mojitos because…2016.

10. I’ve always cooked a LOT, but I found three recipes I know I’ll be making at dinner parties for life: Ina Garten’s Real Meatballs and Spaghetti (I just use packaged bread crumbs and only ground beef for meat), Nigella Lawson’s Mughlai Chicken, and Jamie

Oliver’s Chicken Fajitas with Molé Sauce. Getting a garlic crusher is a whole game

changer. I also learned how to immediately calculate Celsius to Fahrenheit in my head. (Which is what I’m pretty sure the internet would call a “weird flex.”)

11. Recently I discovered Command tape, and I definitely would have fewer holes in my walls if I’d hung things that way all along. This is not an ad. I just really love Command tape.

12. Apologizing when you have hurt someone who really matters to you takes nothing away from you. Even if it was unintentional, it’s so easy to just apologize and move on. Try not to say “I’m sorry, but...” and make excuses for yourself. Learn how to make a sincere apology, and you can avoid breaking down the trust in your friendships and relationships.

13. It’s my opinion that in cases of sexual assault, I believe the victim. Coming forward is an agonizing thing to go through. I know because my sexual assault trial was a demoralizing, awful experience. I believe victims because I know firsthand about the shame and stigma that comes with raising your hand and saying “This happened to me.” It’s something no one would choose for themselves. We speak up because we have to, and out of fear that it could happen to someone else if we don’t.

14. When tragedy strikes someone you know in a way you’ve never dealt with before, it’s okay to say that you don’t know what to say. Sometimes just saying you’re so sorry is all someone wants to hear. It’s okay to not have any helpful advice to give them; you don’t have all the answers. However, it’s not okay to disappear from their life in their darkest hour. Your support is all someone needs when they’re at their lowest point. Even if you can’t really help the situation, it’s nice for them to know that you would if you could.

15. Vitamins make me feel so much better! I take L-theanine, which is a natural supplement to help with stress and anxiety. I also take magnesium for muscle health and energy.

16. Before you jump in headfirst, maybe, I don’t know...get to know someone! All that glitters isn’t gold, and first impressions actually aren’t everything. It’s impressive when someone can charm people instantly and own the room, but what I know now to be more valuable about a person is not their charming routine upon meeting them (I call it a “solid first 15”), but the layers of a person you discover in time. Are they honest, self-aware, and slyly funny at the moments you least expect it? Do they show up for you when you need them? Do they still love you after they’ve seen you broken? Or after they’ve walked in on you having a full conversation with your cats as if they’re people? These are things a first impression could never convey.

17. After my teen years and early twenties of sleeping in my makeup and occasionally using a Sharpie as eyeliner (DO NOT DO IT), I felt like I needed to start being nicer to my skin. I now moisturize my face every night and put on body lotion after I shower, not just in the winter, but all year round, because, why can’t I be soft during all the seasons?!

18. Realizing childhood scars and working on rectifying them. For example, never being popular as a kid was always an insecurity for me. Even as an adult, I still have recurring flashbacks of sitting at lunch tables alone or hiding in a bathroom stall, or trying to make a new friend and being laughed at. In my twenties I found myself surrounded by girls who wanted to be my friend. So I shouted it from the rooftops, posted pictures, and celebrated my newfound acceptance into a sisterhood, without realizing that other people might still feel the way I did when I felt so alone. It’s important to address our long-standing issues before we turn into the living

embodiment of them.

19. Playing mind games is for the chase. In a real relationship or friendship, you’re shooting yourself in the foot if you don’t tell the other person how you feel, and what could be done to fix it. No one is a mind reader. If someone really loves you, they want you to verbalize how you feel. This is real life, not chess.

20. Learning the difference between lifelong friendships and situationships. Something about “we’re in our young twenties!” hurls people together into groups that can feel like

your chosen family. And maybe they will be for the rest of your life. Or maybe they’ll just be your comrades for an important phase, but not forever. It’s sad but sometimes when you grow, you outgrow relationships. You may leave behind friendships along the way, but you’ll always keep the memories.

21. Fashion is all about playful experimentation. If you don’t look back at pictures of some of your old looks and cringe, you’re doing it wrong. See: Bleachella.

22. How to fight fair with the ones you love. Chances are you’re not trying to hurt the person you love and they aren’t trying to hurt you. If you can wind the tension of an argument down to a conversation about where the other person is coming from, there’s a greater chance you can remove the shame of losing a fight for one of you and the ego boost of the one who “won” the fight. I know a couple who, in the thick of a fight, say “Hey, same team.” Find a way to defuse the anger that can spiral out of control and make you lose sight of the good things you two have built. They don’t

give out awards for winning the most fights in your relationship. They just give out divorce papers.

23. I learned that I have friends and fans in my life who don’t care if I’m #canceled. They were there in the worst times and they’re here now. The fans and their care for me, my well-being, and my music were the ones who pulled me through. The most emotional part of the Reputation Stadium Tour for me was knowing I was looking out at the faces of the people who helped me get back up. I’ll never forget the ones who stuck around.

24. I’ve had to learn how to handle serious illness in my family. Both of my parents have had cancer, and my mom is now fighting her battle with it again. It’s taught me that there are real problems and then there’s everything else. My mom’s cancer is a real problem. I used to be so anxious about daily ups and downs. I give all of my worry, stress, and prayers to real problems now.

25. I remember people asking me, “What are you gonna write about if you ever get happy?” There’s a common misconception that artists have to be miserable in order to make good art, that art and suffering go hand in hand. I’m really grateful to have learned this isn’t true. Finding happiness and inspiration at the same time has been really cool.

26. I make countdowns for things I’m excited about. When I’ve gone through dark, low times, I’ve always found a tiny bit of relief and hope in getting a countdown app (they’re free) and adding things I’m looking forward to. Even if they’re not big holidays or anything, it’s good to look toward the future. Sometimes we can get overwhelmed in the now, and it’s good to get some perspective that life will always go on, to better things.

27. I learned that disarming someone’s petty bullying can be as simple as learning to laugh. In my experience, I’ve come to see that bullies want to be feared and taken seriously. A few years ago, someone started an online hate campaign by calling me a snake on the internet. The fact that so many people jumped on board with it led me to feeling lower than I’ve ever felt in my life, but I can’t tell you how hard I had to keep from laughing every time my 63-foot inflatable cobra named Karyn appeared onstage in front of 60,000 screaming fans. It’s the Stadium Tour equivalent of responding to a

troll’s hateful Instagram comment with “lol.” It would be nice if we could get an apology from people who bully us, but maybe all I’ll ever get is the satisfaction of knowing I could survive it, and thrive in spite of it.

28. I’m finding my voice in terms of politics. I took a lot of time educating myself on the political system and the branches of government that are signing off on bills that

affect our day-to-day life. I saw so many issues that put our most vulnerable citizens at risk, and felt like I had to speak up to try and help make a change. Only as someone approaching 30 did I feel informed enough to speak about it to my 114 million followers. Invoking racism and provoking fear through thinly veiled messaging is not what I want from our leaders, and I realized that it actually is my responsibility to use my influence against that disgusting rhetoric. I’m going to do more to help. We have a big race coming up next year.

29. I learned that your hair can completely change texture. From birth, I had the curliest

hair and now it is STRAIGHT. It’s the straight hair I wished for every day in junior high. But just as I was coming to terms with loving my curls, they’ve left me. Please pray for their safe return.

30. My mom always tells me that when I was a little kid, she never had to punish me for misbehaving because I would punish myself even worse. I’d lock myself in my room and couldn’t forgive myself, as a five-year-old. I realized that I do the same thing now when I feel I’ve made a mistake, whether it’s self-imposed exile or silencing myself and isolating. I’ve come to a realization that I need to be able to forgive myself for making the wrong choice, trusting the wrong person, or figuratively falling on my face in front of everyone. Step into the daylight and let it go.

[taylorgilmore1989]

I want to quote all of it.

Some of it is brave: “It’s my opinion that in cases of sexual assault, I believe the victim. Coming forward is an agonizing thing to go through. I know because my sexual assault trial was a demoralizing, awful experience. I believe victims because I know firsthand about the shame and stigma that comes with raising your hand and saying “This happened to me.” It’s something no one would choose for themselves. We speak up because we have to, and out of fear that it could happen to someone else if we don’t.”

Some empowering: “I learned to stop hating every ounce of fat on my body. I worked hard to retrain my brain that a little extra weight means curves, shinier hair, and more energy. I think a lot of us push the boundaries of dieting, but taking it too far can be really dangerous. There is no quick fix. I work on accepting my body every day.”

“I’ve learned that society is constantly sending very loud messages to women that exhibiting the physical signs of aging is the worst thing that can happen to us. These messages tell women that we aren’t allowed to age. It’s an impossible standard to meet, and I’ve been loving how outspoken Jameela Jamil has been on this subject. Reading her words feels like hearing a voice of reason amongst all these loud messages out there telling women we’re supposed to defy gravity, time, and everything natural in order to achieve this bizarre goal of everlasting youth that isn’t even remotely required of men.”

Some terrifying: “I carry QuikClot army grade bandage dressing, which is for gunshot or stab wounds. Websites and tabloids have taken it upon themselves to post every home address I’ve ever had online. You get enough stalkers trying to break into your house and you kind of start prepping for bad things.”.

Some made me tear up because it’s exactly what I went through when my mom passed: “When tragedy strikes someone you know in a way you’ve never dealt with before, it’s okay to say that you don’t know what to say. Sometimes just saying you’re so sorry is all someone wants to hear. It’s okay to not have any helpful advice to give them; you don’t have all the answers. However, it’s not okay to disappear from their life in their darkest hour. Your support is all someone needs when they’re at their lowest point. Even if you can’t really help the situation, it’s nice for them to know that you would if you could.”

Some felt like a punch in the gut: “I’ve had to learn how to handle serious illness in my family. Both of my parents have had cancer, and my mom is now fighting her battle with it again. It’s taught me that there are real problems and then there’s everything else. My mom’s cancer is a real problem. I used to be so anxious about daily ups and downs. I give all of my worry, stress, and prayers to real problems now.”

And one I don’t agree with, because dammit I love Bleachella: “If you don’t look back at pictures of some of your old looks and cringe, you’re doing it wrong. See: Bleachella.”

I love you, @taylorswift and I can’t wait for this new era.

[lilivale-blog1]

Rin’s Diary: Headphone problem

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU CAN’T TAKE THEM BACK!?” I shout, franticly waving my arms in disbelief, almost hitting ‘K’ who is standing behind me.

“Once they have been worn, we cannot take them back unless they are faulty in some way. Sorry, but policy is policy.” The cashier behind the counter calmly replied. Boiling in anger at that reply, I slowly reach down to where I keep my knife.

As if sensing what I am going to do, ‘K’ puts a hand on my shoulder, halting me from grabbing my knife. With his ever stoic face, I see him place a piece of paper on the counter in front of the man. The man reads the paper, glancing between me and ‘K’, until finally sighing.

“Look, ma’am. No matter what situation you and your husband are in, we can’t refund the headphones. I’m sorry, but that’s just how it is.” H-husband… j-just w-what did he write to the guy!? But… husband… that would make me the…wife! Lost in my thoughts, I don’t even notice that the guy has walked away until ‘K’ shakes me slightly. Looking around, I notice that we are not alone, and the people in line behind us are starting to get restless. A note appears in front of my face.

*We should go.* It says.

Nodding, I follow him to the door. I look in the bag the headphones are in, sighing softly. The two of us turn to walk out of the shopping mal- wait two?

“Where are Mew and Hiromi?” I ask, looking back into the store.

Seeing a silent sigh escape ‘K’s mouth, I follow him as he walks back into the store.

“The store isn’t too big. There aren’t many places they could be. Unless…” I trail off.

He looks at me, tilting his head in confusion.

“If they aren’t in the store, then they would be somewhere in the mall. Somewhere in the three…stories…Oh no.” I finish softly, looking around the store trying to find two that are missing.

“We should prioritize, don’t want to be here too long. Do they have any electronic hobbies?” I ask, trying to narrow down the wide selection of places to look.

*Nothing electronical. But they do like animals.* He writes to me.

“*sigh* So we can rule out this shop. Let’s check the pet store. It’s on the second floor, if I remember correctly.” I suggest, leading him to the elevator outside the store.

Stepping in, I press the ‘2’ button, signaling to go to the second floor when I feel a tap on my shoulder. Turning around, I am fronted with a notebook.

*I hate these things…* is all it says.

Oh right, I guess being part fox he would be uncomfortable- My train of thought is brought abruptly to a halt as the notebook is once again in my face.

*They are so slow. I could just jump the space between the floors.* It says. Glancing up, I see him staring at the second floor as the elevator comes to a stop and the doors open.

Of course he doesn’t like it for being slow. Trust the man who is always tired to hate elevators because they are slow.

“Let’s go. The pet store is on the other side of the mall.” I say, starting in the direction of the pet store.

As we walk through the mall, I keep glancing down at the headphones in the bad at my side.

Haaahhh. I really thought they could take them back. I spent good money on them, and can’t use them because they give me a headache. I wish they told me prior to today that I can’t return them unless they are broken. That would have saved so much trouble. Maybe I should break th- Oof.

Somewhere in my thoughts I started walking behind ‘K’ again, falling back into old habits. I’m an Iwasaki now. I need to be more confident. I can’t bring shame to their na-*Plop*

Feeling something on my hair, I look up and see ‘K’s left hand on my head and his right pointing to the right. Feeling heat rise to my cheeks, I quickly turn my head and see the pet store, with all the yapping puppies and mewling kittens. Sure enough, inside is a blob of pink roaming around.

Breathing a sigh of relief, I walk into the store and up to Mew.

“Mew, don’t go wondering off like that. You could get lost.” I saw, getting it over with. I am aware that Mew can take care of herself, but I still don’t want anything to happen to her.

Turning around, Mew doesn’t seem to be fazed at all. Probably because of all the animals.

“Ah… sorry Rin. But I didn’t go alone. Hiromi brought me here.” She said, looking down.

“I’m not mad, frankly I’m glad, I did want to come here myself- and did you say Hiromi brought you here?”

“Yeah! But I don’t know where she went to after…”

“…I’m here.” Says a tired voice behind us. Turning around, we see Hiromi standing behind us, holding an ice-cream. Frankly I’m not even surprised anymore.

“…how did the headphone swap go?” She asks.

“It didn’t.” I reply. “They can’t take them back.”

Seeing Hiromi’s fingers twitch, and remembering what happened on my first day at the Iwasaki residence, I quickly add,

“But it’s fine. I can always just put them up on sale website, and get a job to pay the gap between what I get for the headphones, and what the other ones cost.”

Upon seeing her calm down slightly, I breathe a sigh of relief.

“…so are we done here then?” She asks, finishing off her ice-cream.

Nodding, ‘K’ turns to walk out of the store.

“GAH! YOU HAD ICE-CREAM! Riiiiin, I want ice-cream…” Mew mewls. I smile slightly, slightly at her childish nature, and also at how she is acting towards Hiromi.

Glancing to ‘K’ to get his approval, I see him nod.

“Ok Mew. Let’s go to the ice-cream shop.” I reply, smiling to her.

“YAAAY!” She shouts.

Giggling I guide them out and towards the ice-cream shop.

After arriving back home.

Walking through the archway leading up to the house, a white blob comes up to us.

“Welcome home guys. How did you go?” Rikka welcomes us.

“Well they weren’t able to refund me for the headphones, but I do have some ideas to sell them.” I reply, leaving out the last little bit of information.

“Oh, and we had ice-cream!”

“…you had ice-cream…without me?” Instantly seeing her mistake, Mew cringes back. Ever so subtly, Rikka reaches down to her right thigh and pulls out a throwing knife.

“Who had ice-cream exactly?” She says, in a sickly-sweet voice.

“…All of us.” Hiromi answers, with a card in her hand.

...oh no.

20/09/2016                                                                                                          09:36 PM

Dear Dairy,

Remember the headphones I got the other day? Well, turns out they give me a massive headache when I wear them. Problem right? Well today I tried to take them back to the store, and get a refund, you know, to try and get another pair that won't give me a headache. Well, I went up with Kaida, Mew and Hiromi. Rikka stayed back to look after the house...home. I am going to have to get used to calling it home, now. I do live here now afterall. Anyway, back on track. We went up to the store and found out, that because they weren't broken, the store couldn't refund them. Something about how once I have worn them, it is illegal to resell them, so they are not allowed to refun them unless they are broken. So yeah, that made me slightly upset. After failing to return them, Kaida and I found out that Mew and Hiromi were missing. It didn't take long to find them however, they just went to the pet store and Hiromi went to get Ice-cream. After meeting up we all got ice-cream. I got vanilla, Kaida got chocolate, Mew got strawberry and Hiromi got another scoop of rocky-road. After we got home, Rikka welcomed us as normal, but soon discovered (no thanks to Mew) that we had ice-cream without her. Apparently Rikka loves ice-cream, and Hiromi forgot to mention it, so a fight broke out between Rikka and Hiromi in front of the house. I helped Kaida to fix what broke in the fight. Nothing else really happened that day. Well, as normal, thanks for listening to me talk diary.

Goodnight :P

[curiouskarenscapers2017]

Vol.11 June 2005

   And so my last month dawned. Got a website called Global paws that I emailed to help me with Draco and what was to happen on the plane and in quarantine…I feel much better. Trying to swim through our governmental website just wanting information about importing a pet is a night mare. You get 10 papers on importing exotic animals to breeding them but no, bring your cat or dog into the country and here are the papers everybody refers to but you can’t find!!! Thnx!!

Anyway, we’ll see, the poor thing is going for all his shots and microchips and fixer uppers at once….hope he doesn’t hate me too much after that experience!!!! Shame!!

It’s pouring out side in the warmth of the Taiwan summer. So we have warm dirty rain instead of cold dirty rain.  It does cool things off somewhat and makes it seem much cleaner.

We had our monthly , it seems now, “earth shudder” more than a “quake” really at about quarter past 12 at night on the 1st June. We’ve had very few lately….I’m not complaining!

Anyway, so the new teachers left again and I can’t understand how the management of this school can not see that they are doing something wrong!!!! It must be their existing foreigner’s fault that no new teachers want to stay…..hmmmm. What ever makes you sleep better at night!!!

So, the rain keeps pouring and the weeks fly by. It’s weekend and 1 week to payday!!! Also a week to go for the Dragon Boat festival! It’s starts at 8am on Saturday. So a good early start to our day…will have everything charged and ready!!! Received my mom’s package on Wednesday and handed out the bracelets we got made by my mom’s maid’s sister or something…everybody was going berserk about them and the kids started asking how much…..well let’s start a business, shall we? To think that this lady’s bracelets are being worn in Taiwan…how many people can say that? Ahhhhh the global village!

And so Draco’s fateful day arrived and I managed to get to see where the Vet was situated. Abby introduced me and I was immediately set at ease. I borrowed her scooter to go to Carrefour to get some monthly essentials like, yoghurt and butter and the usual. After about half an hour and getting to the till I realized I might just have too many things to pack on the scooter. Four big bags of heavy groceries, all liquids and things, and a pack of twelve toilet rolls….interesting. Now the test to see if I am a true Taiwanese begins…..all the years of my dad packing the trunk/boot of the car had finally paid off. On an area of about 1 square meter I packed two bags, tied to each other and the bag with all the eggs on top of them to keep them grounded to the floor and then the lighter bag on my lap with the toilet rolls between myself the bag and the handle bars. What a sight I must have been but then again, everybody looks like this here. I was a true Taiwanese!!!

I managed to get home in one piece with my toes curling under the two saddle bags on the floor to add support.

I collected poor unsuspecting Draco lying in front of the TV. “It’s time boy” I placed him in the carry cage and he was quite happy to be in it, having played up, over and around it everyday of his life. So when the door closed I think he was still ok with the idea. When the front door opened and the lift doors opened I think he felt differently. When the scooter motor started purring away I think he didn’t like the idea too much at all. He went all silent in the corner of the cage, as much as he could fill the corner of the cage as he occupied about half the cage already. The vet was excellent, spoke English well and had no problem telling us what I needed. We also asked for Draco to be “fixed” and Abby added her own version of “snip snip” to it to confirm what we wanted and the vet came up with his own word “castrated” we cringed and said rather used “neuter”, as this was for all animals. He just laughed and wrote it down with the word “fix” attached to it. He gave Draco his shot and we waited. After about 10 min or so, Draco was still way to wide awake, a few minutes later he was out for the count and all the stresses of hearing dogs bark and smelling new smells drifted away.

It was quick and painless. The vet, Mark, asked me into the operating room and he showed me the chip in Draco’s neck with a detector. It comes up with a 10 digit number. Cool! He got his vaccinations and rabies shots and everything! He had however to come back for the next three days for an antibiotic as he had some complications when “fixing” him. Poor thing!!! Never been out of the apartment save for three or so times down stairs in the garden and now, a scooter ride, injections, neutering, new people, noise, smells….I am way to into his shoes at this stage!!! I feel like a mother taking her kid to the doctor for the first time…hectic people!!!

Anyway, took him home and placed him on the bed. He looked like a party animal after a good Saturday night outing. His tongue stuck out, his eyes were squint and his head was bobbing around. I took a few discriminating photo’s…don’t tell him. After about 5 hours he could pick his head up and bob it from side to side to try and focus. After another few hours he could lift his front and drag his backside a bit. Later he could careen around corners and down the hall at a snails pace pausing from time to time to get his bearings. I wonder what goes through their minds when they are like this? The mind wants to go and move as he always does. Jump from one couch to another but the body ain’t goin no-where!!! It’s actually sooooo funny, but I wonder what is going to happen tomorrow when we have to go again!!! At least it’s only for an injection, nothing serious. Poor thing!!!!

Anyway, I returned the scooter to Abby, not before I decided to fill it up at a petrol station to say thanks. Do you think I could find a gas station ANYWHERE!!! With sooooo many scooters and cars…how could they possibly only have one gas station in all of Changhua!!! I went to where I remembered seeing one about 6 months ago. FINALLY found it and stopped at the pump. The service lady beckoned to me to go down the side of the station. I didn’t quite understand but followed to where she was pointing. A small, what looked like a drive thru side street lead me to behind the main station and pumps to a little miniature scooter world gas station. Too cute!!!! Little markings on the pavement to show where the scooter must drive to the pump etc. Shame!!! About 10 scooters arrived while the little service attendant helped me find the cap, which was under the seat, or rather inside the seat compartment. NT 100 / R20 filled the tank…I NEED to get one of these at home!!!! And with a cheerful toothy grin and wave goodbye I left the world of Lilliput feeling strangely satisfied!

Draco was fine the next day and could put one foot in front of the other without making it look like he had a few. I felt so bad putting him through this traveling again today to the vet, this time on the bicycle! Interesting. I dreamt about different ways of putting him in the basket and closing it etc. Eventually with his dog collar/brace on I placed him in the basket and left the cover, he filled the basket by half already. So, with my one hand holding him inside the basket and the other steering I started our journey to the vet at about 10am. He was relatively scared witless so he stayed in the bottom of the basket squashed in the corner. Every noise making him twitch. Shame!!! At one stage he made a leap for it but I grabbed him in mid air and pushed him back in the basket. After that he decided it was safer in the bottom and stayed their quite content. I sighed with relief. The vet was happy to see us and gave him his shots after trying to cut his nails a bit. Draco made it know that he hated this little procedure!! He tolerates it at home when I do it, but I think after the ordeal of getting here and the previous trauma of the previous day was enough to drive any cat over the edge. But it was done and he was alive!!!

The trip back home was much better, his initial reaction to be put back into the basket was legs straight kicking against the sides and straddling the basket….I nearly killed myself laughing! It was a cartoon moment! But once he was in, he settled and I didn’t even have to hold him down. He’ll live, tomorrow we do this all over again. Maybe a blessing in disguise so that he gets used to all the handling before he goes on his all time big trip home!!!!

The days went by with Draco and I cycling up to the vet and him now “punt in die wind” in the basket, smelling everything that his nose could smell. Eventually the paperwork done, and some more to come, and me still trying to get hold of the Cathay Pacific people to organise for him to go as cargo. Getting the run around and eventually contacting the right people…..who didn’t speak English. “Monica!!!” Once again she came to the rescue and spoke to the people as to what we needed what the costs involved were etc. Bit of a mission, I need to write it down and put it on the local website for anybody wanting to do this in the future!

A new teacher arrived today(Wednesday) and we were told that she was staying with Ryno and I, as of tonight. Kim nearly had a heart attack as they never said a word to her and her flat needed to be cleaned before somebody could move in. They usually take the new people to her flat, as she is the only one in it. A few weeks ago the landlord of that flat died and the daughter wants it for herself, so Kim will have to move into ours or ,when Judy gets another apartment, move into that. Bit of a mission. The contract Judy has(or rather had) with the landlord was that they have the apartment until end of August when Kim leaves, now that he died it suddenly doesn’t apply anymore and she must move out by the end of June…weird….you’d never get that in SA, a contract is a contract no matter who dies.  As usual it’s a surprise and everybody gets caught off guard including the poor new teacher, Chantal from Canada Ontario.

The weeks are flying past! And the weekend of the Dragon boat Festival arrived. No working on Saturday, because it’s a holiday….wooooooooo! Lucky us!!! Anyway, the plan is to wake up at 6:00am, get the 7:00am bus to Lukang and meet up with Gina, a Chinese teacher at the school, at the bus station. She will take me to the harbour where the boat race starts at 8:00am. The batteries are charging!!!

Saturday morning dawned and I was up at 6am. Out of the flat by 6:30am and off to the bus station. I arrived about 15min later and got my return ticket to Lukang. The bus arrived about 8min early and I was one of 4 people on it, lovely!! Got to the bus station and saw that it had been demolished, I thought something was missing. I asked the bus driver to stop and asked him where’s the building. He just answered “mayo” meaning “no building” or “not have”. I got off there anyway as we all still thought it was there and arrangements had been made. So Melissa and her crew arrived after 7:45 and Gina came to pick me up with her scooter at about the same time. We lead the way while the car followed. We ventured into an industrial office park area, all open and green! The harbour wasn’t really a harbour as we know it, it was more and estuary or lagoon that rises and ebbs as the tides do. All gray and muddy. We arrived at the boat race location and my rowing day memories came flooding back.

Many marquees were erected and the teams were getting ready to participate in their different company colours and flags. Not quite what I had expected but exciting enough. I had a very traditional image in my mind of flags blowing in the wind with dragon designs and traditional Taiwanese outfits etc. Somewhere in Taiwan perhaps, but not today. We walked onto a floating jetty and took our places watching the start. The boats were dragons with the heads and tails adorning the front and back of the boat. About 12 guys rowed with short oars and a steering person manned the back end and the drummer manned the head, shouting his commands and beating a big red drum as they went. The steering man reminded me of a gondola driver, about to burst into “O solo mio”. One team’s commanding crew looked like two taxi drivers, one tall and skinny with his “Chips” glasses on and the other with a wrap around black pair of sunglasses.

  The foreigners had entered a boat and apparently there was a lot of Russians aboard and a few faces from the Maple Leaf greeted us. Apparently the girl team was to row at about 11am. Wish I had entered, I REALLY wanted to do this!!! The started shouted out his commands and the crew raised their oars a few centimetres above the water level. As the shot was fired they dug in and pulled to the rhythm of the drum beat. Too cool!!!

After about an hour and a half we left and went exploring. Our group now consisted of myself, Melissa her new roommate Liz from Ontario Canada, Trista, a Chinese teacher at their school who’s family lives in Lukang and Gina, our Chinese teacher at Sesame Street, who’s family also lives in Lukang. Trista had a lot of historic knowledge about Lukang and it was great to have a tour guide! We visited the old familiar sights and discovered new ones.

We arrived at the Matsu temple we always walk past in our regular route and noticed marquees up in the court in front of the temple. A long table was set up and ladies were preparing food that looked like pancakes. Like a church bazaar, I suppose it was a temple bazaar in a way. What had happened according to Trista’s enquiries is that somebody made a wish and it came true so the temple was now celebrating this by making food for everybody….for free! We got a sweet pancake and a savoury one. Amazing, imagine us doing that every time your prayers are answered…a thanks giving celebration.

At the entrance to the temple there was a set up in the main temple door. The litter, I told you about previously, that they carry the god in and shake around was mounted at a height that people could crawl underneath. So what happens is you make your wish, say your prayer in front of it, kneel down and crawl through under it, as you come out the other side, you get a plum and a peach, also a religious connotation to fruit, especially pineapples.

On the inside of the temple in their centre court, there is a table set out with lucky water set out for all to drink, again for free. On another table people place food, go into the temple pray and come out taking their food or donating it to people.

  Another interesting thing we learned is that Matsu is their god of the people who travel the sea, fishermen etc. She has two helpers that are placed at the entrance to the prayer area on either side. One has the powers to hear exceptionally well and the other to see very far, so that when somebody is in trouble and calls out the one who hears well will tell Matsu and she will respond, the same goes for the one who can see people in trouble from far away. There is even a tiger god under her offering table that look after the children.

In the prayer hall there are two kneeling pillows and there are half moon shaped wooden blocks on the offering table in front of them. The blocks fit into your palm. You place them flat sides facing to make a little banana shape in your hand. You ask Matsu a question about anything that is troubling you and throw the blocks on the ground. If they fall a certain way then it means yes, if the fall the opposite way it means no. Somewhat like an eight ball you shake and it says, “maybe”.

We actually went into the Matsu temple like before but then we went in further along the side and found a whole touristy section behind it! A wishing well with the most amazing little tortoises that multiplied as you looked carefully between the identical rocks. You have to through a one dollar coin into the dragon’s mouth for your wish to come true. This is where your coinage and drinking games come in handy!

There is also a specific way you walked through a temple. You start at the right side and move out through to the left. As you go right the dragon gives you luck and as you go out the left the tiger gives you strength, wisdom etc. Up the stairs we came into a room with a “Christmas tree-looking” stand, with thousands of small lights shining from small indents with a little golden figure in it. It looked just like a Christmas tree with fairy lights. Each little compartment on the tree had a name and number on it and we found out that each year people come to the temple and paid a fee for the year to book a space. With this ritual they ensure a prosperous and lucky year ahead, good marks in your tests at school, good business year etc. Every end of the year the tree is cleared and new names get inserted. There wasn’t just the one tree, they were along the walls and there were about four or so trees with literally thousands of lights on them. Amazing how different religions work. They had stunning wood work on the roof of one such section with the dragon and the phoenix battling dawn and dusk, beginning and end. Small hexagonally folded papers were in a small wooden box and this is supposed to be placed in a little Chinese material bag the size of a matchbox around your neck to ward of evil during the festive time. It is supposed to contain a ghost that fights the evil spirits trying to enter your soul. Okay!!!!!

We explored out side and went down an alley we had never gone down before and a whole new shopping lane with the most amazing doors and entrances to houses lined the street. Traditional food, shoes, clothes and brick’a’brack were sold everywhere! Such a stunning feeling in these walk ways. Old but with a hint of new as the shops produce their electronic wears as well as old traditional. A lady was sitting in one bend with a “zippy zither” as I called it. I had one when I was little and loved it. This one was the size of a piano and done in a stunning red wood with inlaid mother of pearl designs at her feet and on it’s legs. Beautiful!

  We had lunch and oysters, fried and cooked and prawn chow fan etc. for about R15 each. Drank a fantastic cup of fresh watermelon juice! And shopped for gifts. The day flew by and the next thing we know it was 2 o’clock. We wanted to go and explore the Sea shell temple. So off Trista took us and we found it in a quiet section of the town between the rice paddies. The odd looking building is totally made from sea shells and by one man! The story goes that he had a dream once from Matsu and she told him to make a temple of sea shells, he dismissed it and for a long time to come he dreamt the same dream until one day he decided to do it. He’s still busy! The most amazing sight to see. The walls, stairs, lights, ornaments and everything else is made from sea shells. Amazing! The time and effort it must take to make only one wall is beyond me. He had made a the temple as the ocean to house the god. There are amazing dragons he made, their beards from coral and seaweed and eyes of a stone that looks alive, the scales of the dragon are all different coloured shells individually placed to cover the dragon…simply amazing! He should be in the Guinness Book of records for “the most sea shells in one place”….even the sea can’t compete! You walk through the temple to get to the back and in the process you walk down a corridor that is adorned on both sides with images of phoenixes and dragons. At the back of the building he has a business of selling sea shells as well and light fittings of sea shells etc. As you enter the shop section three massive replicas of temples surprise you. All made from shells with such depth and detail, you just want to go inside and walk around!

Outside you walk into an area where they have fish in tanks, 5 potbellied pigs and 3 crocodiles in the apartment next to them. One tank had barble in it, I was still looking at the small section on the things tail thinking it was the fish until he moved and I had to rearrange my vision measurement in my brain. It was a huge thing of about 5 foot something!!! There were about three basking in the shallow water…..now I know what lurks in Hartebeespoort dam!

Gina had to go home earlier and met us again at the temple with rice dumplings for all. These are not dumplings as such but they call them that. It is sticky rice with beef or pork, chestnuts and egg mixed together and placed inside two bamboo leaves and cooked/steamed. Very tasty and filling although only about two hands full.

We ended our day by going for a drink at a coffee shop and lazing around chatting until about 5 pm or so. Got home and Gina invited us to go see a movie. At first no one had the energy but later we decided to fill the day properly and saw Mr and Mrs Smith! Too cool!! In all of this I had forgotten that I had taken the bus to Lukang and had not used my return ticket, which was not the problem. I also forgot that my bicycle was at the bus station waiting for me to return. So the next day as we planned to go to breakfast at our usual breakfast nook, I suddenly couldn’t find my bicycle and thought somebody had moved it. Then it dawned on me it’s still at the bus station. We had our breakfast and the heavens opened. We sat and chatted until about and hour and a half before venturing back to the apartment. Melissa waned to show Liz some shopping in Changhua and I wanted to go to the internet café, and I had to go fetch my bike at the bus station all the way up the road. Walked up, said good-bye to the girls half way and continued my brisk walking pace. Once again a blessing in disguise, all this exercise!  It poured and luckily I had my raincoat in my backpack. Lost another kg sweating the next km in the wet heat and finally got to the bus station where old faithful was waiting for me….amazing country this! Cycle back to the internet café and just parked my bike and connected when the heavens opened and it poured for about an hour. Nearly two hours later at 6pm I went home and started organising photo’s etc. I took 104 photo’s in Lukang….amazing this new digital technology….I would have had to be a millionaire in the old days if I took photo’s the same way!

Only a few more weeks left!! And the heavens opened and the earth was soaked! As soon as you think the sun is forcing it’s way through the clouds to dry the land below it gets knocked out of the way by the cloud bully and the tears flow! The river got a life of it’s own and I couldn’t sleep last night in case I missed a flood! I was getting up every half hour in the pouring to check the level of it, it was rising and the ferns and plants on the sides were submerged….the poor river, only when there are typhoons and torrential rains does it become alive before diminishing into an oily, soapy slick trickle, discoloured and dead.

Our ESL program at school is coming to an end for the kids and final exams are all over the place making life easier preparation wise but more work marking wise. They end off on the 30th July for their summer break of a month. Then they come back at different times during this summer break for more classes…this time a bit more fun based classes. Shame…what about no classes over the holidays???? Their school year books are amazing compared to ours and money has been spent to make it memorable for the kids.

The girls, Kim, Abby and Teri have been practicing their dancing in a group for a promotional dancing session this weekend for a friends club opening. Very exciting but this weather!!! Since our Green Island trip they danced for us and soon attracted a crowd and from this interest the group began and they decided to do it a bit professionally. Too cute!! The outfits and the accessories make it!!!! They were stressed out but happy when I was asked to criticize one week day of practicing. They did great and with a few minor comments practiced the night away.

The weekend arrived and the preparations for the show started. A frantic call at about and hour before the show asking for the camera woman and booze, confirmed everything was going as planned. The weather held and it was actually quite pleasant out. Myself, Ryno and Chantal (the new room mate) walked up to the train station where the show was to be held. They have a performance area opposite the station where all their town activities take place. Some school kids gathered as we walked past to meet them where they were being made up and hair done. We walked into a café called Dream Café and found them upstairs like three models being fussed over. At times having two people doing their hair and a third the make up.

It was fun and exciting and we got them into the spirit so that not too much stress was building. We went down to the performance area and waited for their entrance. They arrived to do the Cumbia and everybody cheered for them as they performed. Gina and Monica and her sister arrived to support the cause. It was great fun. They did extremely well and can now say they performed professionally in front of a Taiwanese crowd in Taiwan! Who can say that!!! The disappeared after to get ready for the next act and we all met new people and chatted for a while. The reappeared in their new outfits and performed the Merenge. All flashy and well executed. After that Kim invited whoever for a Salsa lesson on stage to fill time. The next act was the Mayor handing over the money collected to two charities. And that was the end of that. We waited for them again as they collected all their stuff and got make upped some more as practice for the hair and make up people and ended up going to Abby and Teri’s apartment for some after performance drinks. We got psyched up for a party and all forced me with! We went to Taichung where Ryno’s friend Andrew had invited us to join them at Tiger City where there had been a fashion show and the after party was raging. We arrived and entered the Moet champagne lounge. Too cool!! All foreigners and most looking very arty farty and a tad conceited. It felt like I was back in Jo’burg! Shame, not all, just some of them. The outfits and hair! Very entertaining. We had a great time as usual and was dancing until around 2am. We all got hungry and got a taxi to the Soundgarden…opposite the Pig Pen..our other old time favourite. We got disappointed as their pizza kitchen closed and we decided to go home. We got a sausage and rice outside in the street from a vendor and that hit the spot as we were driven back home. Got home and crashed at about 3:45am. Need less to say I woke up around 2pm. I’m too old for this!!! Have I said this before????

I went to the interne café to email my dad happy father’s day and email my mom to say happy birthday and we’ll have another party on my return in exactly a month’s time today!!! Cool hey!!! It’s time!! Got home just in time for the Rugby, had my  blood pressure go through the roof as the French tackled the Springboks and the game end in a tie! Then Ryno and I took a walk up to the cinema’s to watch Batman….tooooooo cooooooll!! One for the DVD collection that’s for sure!! Next is War of the Worlds.

On the Monday I finally plucked up the courage to go to my swimming for the last time. I suddenly started to feel the emotions get hold of me as I cycled to the spa and saw the people there. As I left, after getting them to take photo’s etc. and the owner coming to speak to me and saying they will be very sad to see me go, I suddenly started seeing things as if it’s for the last time…which it was. Walking in slow motion into the steam room or sinking into the aromatic spa or relaxing in the bubble chair. This is it, the feeling you will have one day knowing it’s the end…….all seems better more beautiful and I wondered if I should stay another year……….hmmmmmm no thank you….I have people waiting for me! Things to do, places to see and people to meet….thanks but no thanks!

At school later that day I arrived on the school scooter after being at the other branch and I was immediately reminded of Mads. What do you think made me stop in my tracks and take a photo? Well maybe I should start with an introduction to her, she bought a cow print bikini a while back and came to love it! I just thought this would match it beautifully……a scooter painted in cow print! To die for doll!

The weather picked up a bit and we had beautiful bright blue skies dappled with fluffy white clouds…..a rare sight…believe me. Much like London weather, except for the rainy sky we have the foggy or rather smoggy sky. The rain cleaned it out a bit and the wind has picked up the last week and cleared the air a bit. I decided, the help of my mother, against bringing my faithful mountain bike back home. I don’t know what it is with me and transportation! I get very sentimental about anything that has faithfully transported me to my work or play through out my life! I can foresee a tearful departure!

The 2nd last week of the month has come to an end and I am in a lightly panicky mode as I am getting my things organised and hoping I don’t forget anything. I have to get to the post office at some stage to send my boxes home on the two month surface mail boat and am still waiting for the cargo company to get back to me with regards to Draco’s transportation. I have a quote already but just wanted a second one in case I could bring the price down a bit. Not too bad as it is. We still have to make our trip to Taichung within 10 days of departing Taiwan. I received his permit papers from SA and sighed a sigh of relief as that was now done and he was a legal immigrant.

Time is flying past and I got my Chinese shirt I had made. I bought the material at a corner shop with some stunning designs and colour but when I saw the turquoise and silver Chinese material I had to have it. I asked the guy for some African designs for my mom but they had very little and what they had was only an animal skin print. I asked him where I could get a shirt made and he took me around the corner to a connection of him. A family business by the looks of it. And old gentleman and a young guy. Probably father and son. He measured me up, made some suggestions in broken English and I decided on a design. It would be ready in about a week he said and I was back at the assigned time, soaked to the bone as this was the time the heavens opened! They weren’t ready yet and was putting on the final touches. It was beautiful! I decided not to rush them as he was displaying an amazing talent for stitching a hem….with his hand!! This is an astonishing accomplishment for me though, because I believe in machine work or iron on solutions……thank goodness they don’t and workmanship means everything to them in this country. I returned the next evening at about 9pm and found him on his own busy with the next project. My shirt was hanging in the window. What a stunning shirt it is! He lined it with a lavender and silver binding and frogs(Chinese ties) of the same colour. It picked up the small flower design of the same colour so beautifully. I tried it on and everything fitted perfectly. He was amazing, no adjustments needed and no mistakes made. Perfect!

I decided I will wear it to the kindergarten graduation on my final day of school in Taiwan. I showed the shirt to  the girls at school the week after and they immediately wanted me to don the garment for inspection. I agreed and “voila” they all exclaimed how stunning it looked. “You look so thin in it.” Was one comment I truly relished and decided that from now on I will be wearing this shirt every day! Naaahhh…but it’s a good sign that the design works for me…I’ll get similar ones made one day!

We went to see Batman and I was in heaven. It was stunning. Great movie and realistically made so that each physical feat is logically explained, not too super heroish. Father’s day passed and my mom’s birthday arrived and I was down in the dumps thinking about not being there. They phoned, I felt better and promised to have a party in a months time!!!

“All my bags are packed, I’m ready to go….” Sing with me “I’m leaving on a jet plane, don’t know when I’ll be back again……” probably never but I’ll never forget the people or this country, my faith in the human race has been restored and expanded to incorporate another race all together. The words of a numerologist that read my details probably 11 years ago at my first cell phone job in Jo’burg, still stuck in the back of my mind……”you will be a friend of the world…” interesting isn’t it?

So Saturday afternoon I went off to the Vet to get Draco’s papers for SA filled in and stamped and ready to take to Taichung within our 10 dyas of travelling and we got home just in time for getting ready for the rugby between SA and France (2nd match). Ryno suggested we go to Flamingo’s because they have Supersport on TV there and we went. Met Stacy(ex-teacher) and her SA boyfriend Douw and then the supporters streamed in wearing their SA jerseys. The pub that usually shows the games in Taichung was closed so they all got taxi’s to come and watch it out here. Like people coming from Durban to Toti to watch the game. An extraordinary feeling of camaraderie was on display as we cheered and shouted our comments on the match to the many TV’s all around. It was great! The best way to watch a game like this! Excited supporters cursed at the ref a few times and as we near the try line the roar was deafening and the beers were downed in celebration. We won and had a last round at about 11:30pm. We eventually left and went for a quick last last round at The New York bar…Melissa and I couldn’t find this place before but Ryno showed me the way and we chatted about our past travelling and again next year…hmmm Scandanavia and Norway will be the destinations, I think. We walked back at about 1:00am and I had a good sleep until about 9:30am when our next expedition was planned and executed.

So I escorted the new teacher Tanya that was leaving the Monday, to the morning market and popular street. We walked for over 5 hours. Started around 11am and ended around 5pm. Good exercise and good company. She had no problem finding clothes etc. She’s as small as they are and everything fits her perfectly. I saw the most amazing clothes for everybody today and it will probably not be there when I go back to buy it. The clothes are soo cheap ….a stunning shirt that would probably cost in the range of R100 – R200 will cost you R50 – R80 here. Really excellent export opportunity! Especially there shoes…you’ll have to cater for the 3 – 6 size, some up to 8 but seldom, at a third of the price at home. You can look like a Sandton coo-girl for R100! Designer wear and all! Let’s….

So our outing just re-connected my dulled senses with regards to my environment and I enjoyed myself as if it was the first time I went exploring. Great fun.

My plans to go to Chiayi with Melissa up the Alishan mountains fell through due to lack of funds with regards to the ever growing fight between gifts and pleasure. Gifts won and I was shopping like crazy, getting everything done.

The day was scorching and over 38degrees. In our apartment with the fan on it was 32…..lovely…Durban in Summer…aaahhh yes. SO suddenly I realised I had just over two weeks left before going home and the depression set in. Thinking about seeing some of the kids for the last time in your entire life! Seeing teachers or other people for the last time ever, was quite depressing and the stress of hoping alls well with all my paperwork for Draco just accumulated in my gaining another few grey hairs and many hours of lost sleep.

      Taiwan Times Vol 11 Vol.11 June 2005    And so my last month dawned. Got a website called Global paws that I emailed to help me with Draco and what was to happen on the plane and in quarantine…I feel much better.

[glopratchet]

Longer pose

Oh boy. You get up and go to the kitchen, where you find a bottle of wine on the counter. You take it from the fridge and pour yourself a glass before heading back into your bedroom. You grab your laptop and head over to Twitter, checking for updates about what's going on in Washington D.C.. Nothing seems out of place; you check the news first though as that always gives you an idea of how things are going in other parts of the country too. You need to pee, so you do just that. It's not like you can't hold it, but it still feels weird to be standing up all by yourself in this house after having been sitting down for hours. You then notice something strange on your screen... A message has appeared! It's from someone called "Samantha Carter!" You need to poo. Crap. I have to make a decision between telling you what happens and narrowing the possibilities of who sent this! See if you can figure it out♪ ~ Chapter 3: Out of Body Experience ~ Yadda yadda, you end up taking care of your bathroom needs, then check your laptop. You ponder over the message for a while longer before finally deciding to reply. ... You've been staring at the screen, trying to think of what to write for at least half an hour now. It seems like this should be easy enough-- After all, you've been communicating with people through text most of your online life-- But for whatever reason, you're font. Strange how a kids' website template could slowly become closer to reality... The last year must have been harder on Sam then you thought. Now for a story about alligators fire and fight or friendship... Fire and fight? Stop trying to make Papa the Crocodile make sense, he doesn't. ... Okay, so that last one was completely unrelated. You take a deep breath and put the laptop aside. There's got you nowhere. Maybe you should try doing something else for a while... Finish a crossword puzzle? Ha ha, perhaps another time. Let there be some light. You keep trying and trying to move your body, though the most you seem to get is sporadic discharge from your nervous system. You feel like your foot might be able to twitch a little-- But it might also just be your imagination. The best you've gotten out of your arm is being able to make your fingers slightly bend if you concentrate really hard. ... ... This was how your life was going to end? Sleeping for who knows how long with the knowledge that when you finally did wake up, it would be too late to do anything. You could already feel yourself disappearing; first your body failed to work, then your mind-- Not Afraid helpless to whoever came by to just lob off your head and add what was left of you to their Soul Jar... Or whatever those things were called. 404: not found. You try to get up, get out, save somebody yourself-- Take a breath. Calm down... Think. Whatever this strange power is that's lingering in you, it isn't completely gone yet-- But how long did you have, really? The only thing to do was push yourself back up, get your thoughts together and face the end as everyone had to at some time. 404: not found. You try to get up, get out, save somebody yourself-- Take a breath. Calm down... Think. Whatever this strange power is that's lingering in you, it isn't completely gone yet-- But how long did you have, really? The only thing to do was push yourself back up, get your thoughts together and face the end as everyone had to at some time. Now for a story about alligators fire and fight or friendship... You're visited by a tall figure cloaked in shadow; all that could be seen of its face were its eyes, gleaming red in the eternal darkness that shrouds them. What sort of words escaped those dark grey lips of them you will never know, but they couldn't have been pleasant. Just as well-- You couldn't have understood any way. Was this death? No, this couldn't quite be death.... Fire and fight? With an explosive cough, your blue fire was back. That lurch in your stomach from before? It hadn't gone away, and probably never would. Your brain suddenly decided to stab itself out of disgust for what it had done. Stop trying to make Papa the Crocodile make sense, he doesn't. 404: not found. Let there be some light. ... Now for a story about alligators fire and fight or friendship... Your eyes snapped open. You were in the backroom that you slept in at Lil's. The lights were off, it was still early morning and raining outside, sheets of water cascading down sounding like dragon's breath as they pelted the alleyway behind the bar. Maybe people had finally realised how stupid it was to live on a flood plain... one can only hope. Your head throbbed as you slowly sat up, ugh, what a night. You might've been better off staying unconscious. Tiff would be in to open the bar soon, you may as well wait until then for your explanation. Going back to sleep might help your headache in the meantime-- Your hand pushed against something on your bedside cabinet and you half-giggled to yourself as you felt the empty bottle that you had knocked over in the night. Oh yay, you had drunk straight from the bottle and fallen back asleep with it still in your hand. That was mature. Shaking your head, you put the now empty bottle back where it belonged and shuffled under your covers to try sleep away the rest of the morning. You didn't make it easy for yourself though. Did you really drink that much last night or was it just a semi-regular occurrence? What sort of idiot gets addicted to clearly poor-quality alcohol anyway? You'll have to ask Lil when she gets in-- No, first thing is to get the bar open and then you can question her about last night. Come to think of it, she hasn't been around and you don't remember seeing her at closing time either... Oh no... You swung your legs over the side of the bed and immediately wished you hadn't. Your feet touched the slightly chilly wooden floor and immediately sent shooting pains up your legs, you could swear that your calves were cramping. Wincing, you pulled yourself up and got into a standing position. Well at least you didn't feel THAT bad... Alright no more stupid stunts for you son, you're starting to regre-- ... Oh. Right. Your teleporting feats from last night, where had your mind gone? Your body swayed as you took a moment to remember everything else... "Guh... Keeping up with Ragnor... That was stupid," much unlike you, your mouth decided to admit to yourself silently. You grunted in response. Well, it had been an interesting night at least, shame you couldn't remember most of it really, it'd only been when you were drinking the purple alcohol that things got interesting after all. That stuff really happened to be completely disgusting. You wouldn't drink that again if you had the choice, no desire to turn into a wailing UKIP supporter. Speaking of choices though; choices lead to unity... Your headache came back full force as you remembered Ragnor's 'unity' spee ch from last night. The message repeated itself on loop, "Believe in me..." over and over again, each time with slightly more volume than the last. Coupled with the hang over, you were in no mood to entertain this sort of behavior right now. "Ah...!" Your groan was interrupted by a cough, one that didn't sound like your own. You turned your head and spotted a young girl wearing a black cloak with pink trim on the floor to your right. She stared back at you with heavily made up blue eyes. Her make-up was everywhere, coincidentally, much like the graffiti you had seen on the walls when you were out last night. Well, that explained the cute cough you heard earlier. There was nothing else in the room though besides the pair of you and the bed you were sitting on. So she'd be on the floor then. You knew things had gotten bad when under-agers were starting to sneak into your motel room... That was beyond the point however. She wasn't supposed to be here, she was a customer for goodness sake! "You!" you said in your manliest voice. This caused her to cringe and pull herself into a little ball. Good, now she knew who was in charge, "Get out of here, I'm not serving you drink!" Your sudden order confused her, "But, you saved me... I'm not old enough to drink." "Eh?" She gave you a quizzical look, one that didn't match her anxious expressions or tone. "You've saved me from those nasty thugs, how can you turn me away now?" "I..." you mumbled in response. She had a point. Though you had more annoying thoughts in your head to contend with alongside your pounding headache... Wasn't having girls here against the law or something? Or at least improper...? "You don't want to send me away, neither of us wants that. Please, I've nowhere else to go. No parents, no food, nothing. There's only one man in this city who can help me now, you!" Her story was bizarre and you weren't buying it, not entirely. Surely she had some place to go. It was probably true that she shouldn't be here though. You don't remember any legislature that outlawed giving those under 18 alcoholic drinks though. The only thing you could think of is that she might be a potential stripper with her overly revealing clothes. Shrugging, it doesn't matter either way. You'd be doing the world a favor ridding it of some future sinful women by turning her away now. You didn't even want to deal with this right now. One... "I'll lose customers if I kept you here," You said without thinking, immediately silencing her. Any thoughts you had about kicking her out left your mind as she gradually stood up and moved closer towards you, an almost lifeless look on her face. This wouldn't do, you didn't like people looking like they were going to cry. Especially not some little girl who had done nothing wrong. There was a reason you helped those men last night even if it was against your better judgment. You placed your hand on her shoulder to reassure her that everything was going to be fine, but quickly pulled it away as she made a funny noise. After rubbing your hand against the fabric of your pants to dry it off, you gave her shoulder a proper squeeze. The girl didn't seem to react... oh wait. She had fallen unconscious. You shook your head, what kind of stunt was this? Was this whole story we're her making up? Why would an underage girl act like that just to gain entrance into a motel room? You didn't even realize that you had carried her virgin style into your bed, leaving her clothed as you did so. Must be the headache talking... and the fact that she looked really cute right now despite the inappropriate uniform. Guess it didn't matter that much since you were already thinking about firing her anyway. Although it appeared you wouldn't have to worry about it now... Good thing the headache wore off by morning and you could think more clearly again. She wasn't saying much, just standing over by the window acting like she was counting something outside. "You should go home," You tell her flatly. You were expecting a disappointed reaction since she had been really pushy last night in her begging. It annoyed you really, that instead she turns away from the window and smiles at you. "I knew you were going to let me stay!" She exclaimed. You didn't ask why she was so sure about it, but instead shot back with even harsher tone. "I didn't say that." "You didn't have to." Yep, you were getting a headache just from talking to her. Two words, false advertising... Why was it so quiet all of a sudden? "Um, sir?" The nose bleed returned with a vengeance as you feel warm blood flow down into your eyes and onto your lips. She called you sir... Her voice sounded so soothing too... or were those the dealer's words? You were about to dismiss them as phoniness when everything changed yet again. And this time in a way you never expected. "AHHH! MY EYES!" Now you had a reason to scream. The excessive light from outside came pouring into the room, blinding you until you could no longer stand the pain. Was this is? Was god punishing you for all your sins? Was this karmic justice? Eventually the light dimmed and faded and when your eyes recovered, they looked upon a most magnificent sight... or at least it would have been if it wasn't already set on fire. "Alrighty then, enough dilly-dallying, let's crack these babies open and get ourselves some o' dat good ol' Ultra Heat!" The speaker stood in front of you, a massive... thing, made completely out of scrap. It was a rectangular shape with a cone that had what resembled eyes at the tip. Below that was a garbage bin connected by a long exhaust pipe and resting on wheels. Two short legs extended from each side to keep it balanced and a head slowly rotated on a joint as the thing assessed you. It reminded you of something you would have killed in your previous job. It didn't take long for you to realize there were more, five in total each identical to the one in front of you. The one nearest to you opened its mouth and unleashed an inhuman shriek as the others took that as a signal and converged on your location. Well, it was nice knowing you... There was no time to think as their hands had already latched onto you and anything within grabable distance. Every movement brought fresh waves of excruciating pain as you were tossed about like a ragdoll between the giants. "Pam! Dis one not burn good! Need mo' heat!" "Hey, leave dat one alone! Cannot yoo see dose are delicate?" "Me scoured fo' dem! Den let me try! Your way no work, Pam. Me take conTROLLle...!! "Knock it off over there! You break it, you buy it!" Welcome back nausea... A crushing pain suddenly struck your lower back as one of the massive abominations picked you up with one hand. Even though most of your pain receptors were already used up by this point, the faces of the creatures were probably worse. Each one twisted and morphed in various states of decay and were decorated with unnatural piercings without any care to hygiene. Standing at what would be roughly eight feet if they weren't hunched over due to the low ceiling, they resembled a drooling idiot after taking huge bong hits. Each one had their own unique variety of smells they brought with them, all of which combined to create a stink aura that could be classified as a toxic contaminant. Even though you were already expecting the worse, it was still a shock when one of the things ripped off what was left of your pants and shook them out.. "Ay! This ones nekked as a babe!, Alrighty then, lets see if da rest areples!" "Can I have his boots?" "NO! Me seeed dat first!" You didn't want to imagine what "Bootlegs 'R' Us" would look like in this world. Clothes shopping in general was probably an interesting affair. You were thrown into a swirling vortex of limbs while being jabbed with sharp objects. Occasionally, something soft would fall out which apparently these people were Fans of. Unfortunately for you, your junk was the first to be found and swiped clean off your person along with your boots. At this point, you wished for death; and unfortunately in this world, death was cheap... very cheap. Heap in more pain, spikes breaking through your flesh, anything to put an end to this nightmare meant as punishment. After what seemed like an eternity, you were thrown back into the rubbish bin which had now been turned over for your inconvenience. You lay broken and bleeding piling whatever you threw up last as it began to harden and cake on the side nearest your face. You were broken, beaten, and demoralized: a shell of your former self; but perhaps worst of all was what had happened to you. You were afflicted by a curse so dark it is impossible to describe the horror only felt by the unluckiest of souls: As you lay dying, your tainted soul entered eternal slumber, cursed to leave this dreadful place and be reborn again from one of these hideous human women... The horror doesn't end there... You had been reborn as a half breed; bound to live your life as an abomination to nature and the laws of gods and men. Welcome... to the world of dark magic and creatures of the night. If you're reading this, then I'm the one who linked this MMO subreddit a few months ago. I write this so that others may know the risks they take when involving themselves in these dark arts of unnatural magicks. These things are profane and of the devil, created only to cause great harm and misery to the world and all those who live in it. It was by them that I damned myself to this fate, and I have regretted it every single day since. The horrors I've seen... no man, beast, or God could ever conceive in their wildest nightmares. I wouldn't wish this upon my worst enemies, and you? You now possess the means of opening a portal to these very same horrors... use them wisely. Most won't believe, most won't even embrace the idea despite what you may see and experience. Even if they do ask, be sure to keep your story consistent; it'll make things easier all around. And for God's sake, don't attract attention with wild claims. I made that mistake once... just trust me on this. Best to keep a low profile, and in time you'll be able to teach those around you to do the same. Be aware that teaching others of the arts involving necromancy, daemonology, astral sorcery, etc. are considered criminal acts and punishable by death in most kingdoms and societies; however I'm sure you're smart enough to figure out when it's best not to call attention to yourself and your deeds, right? Again, use your head for something other than a portal to the Infernal Realm. Bad news indeed for you, but take some solace in the fact that you're far from alone. There are many like you out there; some good, some evil, some struggling to maintain that fine line between the two. Others have no such quarrels and relish in the act of giving in to their born nature: that of a monster thirsting for blood and power. Which are you? The world trembles at the might of the cruel tyrant, the horrifying nightmare, the great devourer of nations and builder of empires; but how far will you go? What atrocities will you commit for your eternal pursuit of power and dominance? There is one last bit of warning I must pass on to you, my unfortunate successor: never ever summon an Eternal. These are lords of the Necronium, undead beings of such immense power that they make a Dread King look like a lost and clumsy apprentice. Do not attempt any dealings with them; if you feel you absolutely must, then prepare to sacrifice millions, if not billions, of lives and a stack of human souls piles miles high... I implore you to forget this message ever appeared on your screen. Forget that I am here. Forget that the Daemons exist. Just... go back to your video games, or television, or whatever it is the kids are watching these days. Goodbye, Internet, and goodbye, Reality. I'm returning to you both, never to part from either again. Through magic, science or madness, I have bound my soul and memories in this copy of Binding Of Isaac: Rebirth. If you are reading this, then that means I am dead and the gateway to my precious treasures has been opened. I have been fascinated with Ebb Creations ever since my restless, teenage years, where I would spend hours upon hours basking in those free games that you could access without a login. Be it the simple overload-your-computer-with-fish-then-get-a-free-song games, or the gloriously disturbing shoot 'em up. Though Three Dead Trolls In Arizona will forever be one of my favorites. Who else but Ebb could create such a masterpiece? Though I find it odd that of all the creations Ebb has given to the world, it is only by means of freak accident that my mind and soul were bound to such an abomination... I still shudder to remember my time with those head-chin humans. Though perhaps they were right to loathe us so. Perhaps... You holding this game now would imply a certain sentimental value that you have towards me; I hope that's the case, for it was most certainly mutual. From beyond the grave, I love you. My gift to you is self-explanatory: a copy of the game Three Dead Trolls In Arizona. A wonderful first-person shooter, mixed with real photographs and GPS technology. The location? My old house. My old room, more specifically. The message? I'll leave that one to your interpretation. Nevertheless, I hope you have a future in game design waiting for you, perhaps even with Ebb Creations themselves! I was always a fan of their artwork: detailed sketches of innapropriate matters and a vibrant color reminding us that life is beautiful... despite our undead states. To celebrate your future in the game designing industry, I have sent over your rewards. May good health be with you. In love and loyalty, Joachim Karel Adinaldo Kierkegaard Crowley Lovecraft sits in front of his laptop, watching the credits of an iphone game called Three Dead Trolls In Arizona roll by. The atmosphere is somber. At last his watch beeps, waking him up from a trance. He walks numbly towards the large machine in the corner, preparing to fulfill his promise, then hesitates. Suddenly tears fill his eyes as he remembers his father's enourmous development of that same machine, and the slim chance that he is still alive. Decades pass. He still has his confidence... then storm clouds roll in. Will anything in his life ever remain permanent? Would any future relationship with his father be authentic? Would anything his father says be trustworthy? Could he even have committed those unholy acts? Were the videos documenting a lie? No, protests a voice deep inside. Foolish Child! Do not search for his trust, for you will never find it! Determined, he slowly seats himself in the machine, buckling the protective gear around him. After a moment of hesitation, he closes his eyes and waits. Rain pours outside the house as he descends into darkness. At last, he awakens. Sight returning to him, he finds himself sitting at a desk. In front of him lays an old desktop, a logo with the word EBB printed on it facing him. A gentle tapping is heard, and he notes that rain drums against the window to his right.. Sounds from below rain through the floor beneath him as students scurry to and fro, shuffling back and forth to different classes. Behind him, a small crowd of onlookers crowd around the doorway. His backpack lies on the ground beside him. Laughter bursts forth from the crowd, and he can hear security guards trying to rouse him. Hearing this, Kralmer rises to his feet. Still groggy from the trip, he tests his footing with a couple of steps, finding that he is able to stand steadily. With a start, he walks over to his backpack and pulls out his phone. A surge of messages and notifications hit his screen. He tries to decipher them. Then with newfound energy, he heads towards the door. "Alright, show's over," a voice says. A security guard in a blue uniform with black and yellow trim appears on the other side of the door. The crowd of onlookers disperses. "Let's go somewhere mo... Ack!" Kralmer pounces onto the man, sending them both to the floor. With a martial arts chop, he knocks out the guard. Tempted to steal the weapon, he decides it would be better serve elsewhere and tosses it aside. The entire process took two minutes and twenty seconds. With haste he continues down the hallway towards his father's office. As he pushes the doors open, he enters the room. In the middle of the room stands a brown desk. A golden nameplate proclaims: "DVLIMA". Walking quietly, he approaches it. Leaning against it is a leaf-bladed sword. Crouching down, he picks it up. It feels good in his hand. With a start, he looks at the computer. Then, taking a deep breath, he pushes the power button. Strangely it doesn't turn on. It seems that it needs a password... Suddenly he feels wild, indomitable power coursing through him. Then, he feels a shift in his mind. He recognizes it as the imposed subconscious of his father- an ID signature. If he can rewrite it, then he should be able to unlock the computer! Guiding the power under his control, he begins to rewrite the sequence. The code falls away like dominoes. To his amazement, a password appears before him: "Rebcca". Without hesitation, he types it in and hits ENTER. Then... He awakens in his pod. Scanning his surroundings, he wakes up. To the right are desks lined up in perfect order. Ahead is the door that leads back to the Eternals' Quarters, and to the left is the one to his father's office. Suddenly, he stands up, and walks out of the pod. Before he can turn to continue his search he hears someone trying to get into the room. Already tired and panicked, he climbs back into his pod and tries to get some rest. With a whirring of servos and a hiss of gases, Kralmer's pod closes in. Strangely, the chemicals from the last time the Eternal Prjkt experiments on someone flows from the pipes above onto his body. With a yawn, he closes his eyes... Cecilia was right; Dvali is trying to purge the mutants. Already he's eliminated the Albino, the Kid, the Rabbit, and... her. And now he's trying to do the same with me, Kralmer thinks. The only question is, if I'm being framed, then who? Dokkrus? Henry-X? Another Eternal I haven't seen yet? Vadic Junior, Aztorian and Garth-Vader are on his list... so is Cecilia. The Albino has been gone two years, might as well make it an even three. It only takes that long for a mutant to lose it's instinct to breathe outside of it's sealed environment at the bottom of the caverns. Who, indeed? And so Kralming waits; for he needs new allies, the quest to find those who truly care about him... "You're the offspring of traitors, eternals." Dvali yells, spit flying in Kralmer's face as Dvali holds up the poster with quotes. There were more about his mother and father, but these are the ones that still burn into Kralmer's eyes every night he tries to sleep. He nods as if agreeing, and waits for Dvali to lower his guard. Looks like he'll need allies after all. Checking the room for cameras and other witnesses, he sees none. Good. Then, nodding, he tunnels into the ground with a thought. After walking for a few minutes through the earth, his feet lands on dirt again. Thank God these Eternals don't bother placing sensors in the ground. He emerges from a manhole in the middle of the night, immediately helped up by someone... Henry-X. "Jesus, I thought you'd be taller." Kralmer says. "Sorry to disappoint" Henry-X smiles, extending a hand, which Kralmer takes. "So, what brings you here?" "Dunno." Kralmer says, and tells him about his predicament. "So yeah-- I need an escape plan." "Well... how about this?" He asks. "Come with me while I spread these posters, then at dawn we'll escape together." Kralmer nods. "Deal." The two of them fly around on brooms, plastering posters of Albino Cruel along the way. To ensure the rumors, Kralmer even throws in a little poster of Commander Salk that he found in Cecilia's room. Hopefully, that'll throw them off the trace when they find me gone. So as dawn breaks, the pair of them take to the air and fly towards an abandoned castle build by humans a very long time ago. It's high walls will make finding a good spot to perch easy for the day, and flying over it before approaching will remove any doubt that there are gunfire traps set up. It takes an hour to get there, and sets down on a rocky hilltop overlooking the fairytale castle... and it's fields of ticky-tacky armored checkpoints, machine gun pillboxes and hoverwatch towers. It looks like Fort Knox joinedmed with Alcatraz and a tiger cage. "Well... that sucks." Kralmer says. "Any ideas?" As he scans it for weak spots, however, a familiar voice cries out... "Fire!" Kralmer ducks as gunfire erupts in the castle grounds, tearing thuink! into the stones near him. "SHI-!" He looks up, to see a Albino-led Eternals rapidly scaling the walls of the castle from hemp ropes. They quickly overwhelm the guards, before tossing firebombs into the prision walls. They quickly bust out their imprisoned Albino brothers and sisters, who begin swarming... right at where he and Henry are perched on the hill. "Come on!" He yells, grabbing Henry and taking to the skies once more. The Albino prisoners immediately see them, and open fire. Henry is hit twice in the leg, and begins bleeding from his thigh as Kralmer struggles to carry him while flying. Suddenly, something smacks into Kralmer from behind, hurling him forward at a breakneck pace... then a grappling hook catches him, spinning him around and pulling him backwards. "Let's get you to the butcher's block!" Elf-Head hisses in triumph, reclaiming his sword and dragging Kralmer behind him, while Albino soldiers fire at them. Soon, Kralmer's paws are bound. "Bring out the prisoner!" An Eternal yells. "It's near dawn! We must identify it before the Dawn!" Kralmer gives a cry of surprise as Henry-X is dragged out of a nearby tent, dressed in rags and covered in blood. The poor fool is still having his false Albino Memories altered to make him fond of the cause. They've left him probably forget who he was within a few months... "Henry-X! They're using you! It's Kralmer, your eternal brother!" He yells, struggling against his chains. Henry-X nods slowly, taking in his surroundings. "Let... Let me free." He says softly, staring at the soldiers gauna him. "I should... I have to help my brother." The lead Eternal, one Captain Ratbane shakes his head slowly. "I regret this." He says. Just then, Henry takes his opportunity. He bites the closest Eternal, tearing out his throat before engaging the rest. He cries out, as much in rage as in pain, but holds his own against the Albino soldiers. He bought you the precious time you needed. You rip your limbs free of their chains with a single pull, and toss a crate at one oflier, head-butting another backwards. Elf-Head doesn't react quickly enough to keep you from getting his sword, and you use brute force to beat down hell. He starts to choke you with his whip, but you apply the blunt side of a sword quickly, forcing him to relinquish it. Then, Ratbane steps in and smashes you across the face with a bolt, using his crossbow as a bat. You stumble back.... Toppling off the castle walls... right before a soldier grabs your leg... "Give me your hand, quickly!" You look up, to see a Albino soldier extending a hand for you. You reach for it, as you see Elf-Head's eyes narrow into a glare. Having seen your reaction to his potion, he immediately figures out who you are, despite the cowl. He raises his pistol slowly... taking the shot as the Albino tries to pull you up. A golden bullet directly to the heart. "No!" The Albino cries as you fall. You're going to hit the ground pretty hard. The fall kills you instantly, but not before the Albino and your brother reach your corpse. Captain Ratbane picks it up. "Tell Dad he was an honorable opponent. We'll wrap him in their flag, don't worry." "One day, our children will learn of The Albino's treachery. One day." Your brother says bitterly, as he leaves you to the crows. The Albino goads his soldiers on as they set fire to Green Eye's temporary camp, burning your body, and those who still resist alive inside.

[kathydsalters31]

These Elizabethan Cat Collars Will Change Your Kitty’s Recovery Game

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Updated September 1, 2020 | For Cat People By Karen Anderson

This post contains affiliate links. Read more here.

Not a substitute for professional veterinary help.

I cringe to see a cat with their whiskers crushed in a stiff plastic “cone of shame.” Years ago, when my tabby Zoe was spayed, I tried sitting up all night holding her on my lap rather than tie a cone, also known as an Elizabethan collar, on her. (As you can imagine, that didn’t work—we ended up using a small kitten cone.) The good news is that now there are many types of Elizabethan cat collars, or E-collars, that are easier on your cat than the old-school vet-issued cone.

When Your Cat Needs an Elizabethan Collar

As much as your cat will attempt to convince you otherwise, it’s important that they wear a collar when the vet orders it. The restrictive collar prevents the cat from ripping out stitches, licking off medications, chewing on irritated skin, or removing dressings on a wound.

The idea that it’s OK for animals to lick at incisions is a myth, according to veterinarian John Berg, Professor of Small Animal Surgery at Cummings School of Veterinary Medicine at Tufts.

Pet parents can minimize discomfort by sizing the collar correctly. Berg advises, “Be sure it is long enough to prevent licking at the incision, but short enough not to make it difficult for the cat to eat and drink—just past the end of the nose is a good rule-of-thumb.” (See more of his advice about recovery collars in this Tufts University Catnip newsletter article.)

Marina Hanna/Unsplash

The Best Elizabethan Cat Collars—and Recovery Suits

If your idea of a recovery cat collar is the traditional, stiff, uncomfortable plastic “cone of shame,” you’ll be pleased with the many new and better options out on the market. They include clear collars with padded rims, inflated collars, lightly padded nylon collars, soft floppy collars, and cushion collars similar to the ones people use for sleeping on planes. Many of the new collars are washable, so you can buy two and know that your recovering kitty will always have a fresh collar.

Another alternative is recovery suits. These cover a wound or irritated area on the torso, preventing your cat from biting or scratching at a sensitive site. In most cases, your cat will be able to eat and use the litter box while wearing the suit.

When checking ratings and reviews for E-collars, keep in mind that many of the collars are designed for both cats and dogs. A negative review from someone whose 80-pound dog gnawed through a size Large collar doesn’t tell you much about how the collar will work for your 10-pound kitty.

Bottom line: We sure hope your cat won’t need to wear a cone or recovery suit any time soon. But if they do, know that you can spare them the basic plastic cone and level up to something more comfortable.

Clear Collars with Soft Edges

These inexpensive Elizabethan cat collars are upgrades from the basic plastic cone, with improvements such as padding to prevent neck irritation, holes for easier breathing, and wider cone shape to avoid irritating your cat’s whiskers.

While this E-collar looks a lot like the dreaded cone, it has some significant improvements, including top and bottom padded edges, so your cat’s neck won’t get irritated, and a set of holes that make it easier for your cat to breathe. The collar has snap closures with three settings so you can adjust the fit. Because this product is for dogs and cats, you’ll probably want to get the small size for your kitty.

Buy Now on Chewy

This cone has a padded cotton collar and padded edges, plus Velcro for closing the collar firmly. It’s wider than traditional plastic cones, so it is less likely to irritate your kitty’s sensitive whiskers. Read the product’s sizing guide—and customer comments—before buying. Some pet parents feel that it runs a bit large.

Buy Now on Chewy

Fully Padded Collars

These fully padded Elizabethan cat collars are a great choice to help your cat rest comfortably. But they can limit visibility, so your cat should be protected or supervised as they move around the house. Fabric collars that absorb dampness may also get wet in the cat’s water dish.

The cat version of this soft E-collar is the extra-small size of the Calm Paws dog collar. It fits necks 6 to 9 inches and has a depth of 4.75 inches. The heavy-duty outer materials are easy to clean, and the soft, fuzzy inner material is comfy for your recovering kitty. Reviews on this collar are mixed—some praise its comfort, others comment that it’s bulky and perhaps better suited for larger pets.

Buy Now on Chewy

Two cool things about this padded collar make it a good choice for cats: First, you can remove the plastic stays to make it less stiff and bulky. Then, if your cat is recovering from a shoulder or upper back injury such as a wound, you can turn down the collar so the cone goes in the other direction—covering the back and shoulders rather than the head and neck. Durable, tight-gauge nylon is ideal for your cat because their claws can’t get caught in it; the material also allows you to fold it back when needed.

Buy Now on Chewy

This lightweight, soft machine-washable memory foam collar is designed for cats. Chewy customers rave about it—because cats don’t mind wearing it! Some purchasers inverted the cone to cover the back, chest, and shoulders. However, there are some minuses: Cats can get claws caught in the fabric cover and fabric can get soaked and heavy if it drags in the cat’s water dish.

Buy Now on Chewy

This collar may not cheer up your convalescing cat, but it is likely to amuse you. Depending on which collar you select, your cat can look like a lion, a sunflower, or a pink pompom. Some buyers say it is perfect for a cat, others report that it is a bit heavy. The collar is machine washable.

Buy Now on Chewy

Inflatable Collars

Inflatable Elizabethan cat collars are big and bulky, but very effective at keeping your cat from biting or licking a sore area.

An affordable collar designed for cats and short-nosed dogs, the Kong Cloud Collar inflates to become a big soft donut with a hook-and-loop closure. It’s washable, so your kitty can stay clean and comfortable while keeping wounds and stitches protected. The extra-small and small sizes are for cats—check size information and measuring instructions before purchasing.

Buy Now on Chewy

Even if your cat does not achieve serenity by wearing this inflatable collar, they’ll be well protected. This collar must be attached to your cat’s regular collar: inflate it, attach to their collar, and use the hook-and-loop strap to close the ZenCollar in front.

Buy Now on Chewy

Recovery Suits for Cats

While Elizabethan collars are designed to reduce a cat’s range of motion so they can’t reach a surgical site or injured area, recovery suits take the opposite approach. They allow the cat to move freely but protect the injured or irritated area from teeth, claws, and tongues. Some recovery suits can also be used to hold dressings in place.

This suit gets rave reviews from cat parents for its effectiveness at preventing cats from fussing with their surgical wounds. There is an excellent guide on the Suitical website with measuring directions (cat sizes include XXX-small, XX-small, X-small, and small) and details on the suit’s many features. A blue lining makes it easy to detect fluids or bleeding, and there is a pocket for an ice pack or absorbent padding. The suit closes with snaps and the stretchy neck and leg openings of the suit keep it in place. The manufacturer says that most cats will be able to use the litter box without dirtying the suit.

Buy Now on Chewy

This recovery suit for wound management and post-surgical protection is a two-piece. You put the top on over the head, roll it down to the shoulders, and insert the cat’s front legs, one at a time. The optional back piece is like a pair of undies. The machine-washable suit is 95% cotton and 5% Lycra. Be sure to read the sizing instructions before ordering.

Buy Now on Chewy

This lightweight step-in onesie is, like other suits, designed to prevent your pet from licking, biting, or scratching at a sensitive area. Unlike other recovery suits, however, it covers the upper legs—so it could be ideal for a cat recovering from a leg or shoulder condition. The chest/tummy area is adjustable for a snug fit, and most cats can easily use the litterbox while wearing the suit. Made of Pima cotton, the pullover is machine washable.

Buy Now on Chewy

The Best Cat Elizabethan Collar for…Style

While it may work as a post-surgery option to keep kitty from clawing or chewing at stitches, as you can see, the primary objective of this particular Elizabethan cat collar is purely ornamental. This handmade lace ruff is just what you need when outfitting the cat for your next all-feline production of King Lear or Twelfth Night.

It’s made in the USA and available on Etsy at the link below.

Shop on Etsy

Homemade Recovery Outfit Solutions

Need to improvise a recovery collar or suit for your cat in a hurry? A baby t-shirt will often do the trick. This vet in England posted an entire gallery of patients wearing their collars and tiny shirts.

Further Reading

Karen Anderson is a writer at Rover. Before joining Rover, she was a writer and editor at Apple and a freelancer for companies including Cardiac Science, Houzz, the Home Owners Club, and the Seattle Times. Her hobbies are dancing, gardening, science fiction, and pet-sitting for friends and neighbors. She shares her house with a delightful clowder of quirky rescue cats.

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source http://www.luckydogsolutions.com/these-elizabethan-cat-collars-will-change-your-kittys-recovery-game/ from Lucky Dog Solutions https://luckydogsolutions.blogspot.com/2020/09/these-elizabethan-cat-collars-will.html

[barryswamsleyaz]

These Elizabethan Cat Collars Will Change Your Kitty’s Recovery Game

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Our website uses cookies. By continuing to use our site, you agree to our use of cookies. To see what cookies we serve and set your own preferences, please review our Cookie Policy. Learn More.

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Updated September 1, 2020 | For Cat People By Karen Anderson

This post contains affiliate links. Read more here.

Not a substitute for professional veterinary help.

I cringe to see a cat with their whiskers crushed in a stiff plastic “cone of shame.” Years ago, when my tabby Zoe was spayed, I tried sitting up all night holding her on my lap rather than tie a cone, also known as an Elizabethan collar, on her. (As you can imagine, that didn’t work—we ended up using a small kitten cone.) The good news is that now there are many types of Elizabethan cat collars, or E-collars, that are easier on your cat than the old-school vet-issued cone.

When Your Cat Needs an Elizabethan Collar

As much as your cat will attempt to convince you otherwise, it’s important that they wear a collar when the vet orders it. The restrictive collar prevents the cat from ripping out stitches, licking off medications, chewing on irritated skin, or removing dressings on a wound.

The idea that it’s OK for animals to lick at incisions is a myth, according to veterinarian John Berg, Professor of Small Animal Surgery at Cummings School of Veterinary Medicine at Tufts.

Pet parents can minimize discomfort by sizing the collar correctly. Berg advises, “Be sure it is long enough to prevent licking at the incision, but short enough not to make it difficult for the cat to eat and drink—just past the end of the nose is a good rule-of-thumb.” (See more of his advice about recovery collars in this Tufts University Catnip newsletter article.)

Marina Hanna/Unsplash

The Best Elizabethan Cat Collars—and Recovery Suits

If your idea of a recovery cat collar is the traditional, stiff, uncomfortable plastic “cone of shame,” you’ll be pleased with the many new and better options out on the market. They include clear collars with padded rims, inflated collars, lightly padded nylon collars, soft floppy collars, and cushion collars similar to the ones people use for sleeping on planes. Many of the new collars are washable, so you can buy two and know that your recovering kitty will always have a fresh collar.

Another alternative is recovery suits. These cover a wound or irritated area on the torso, preventing your cat from biting or scratching at a sensitive site. In most cases, your cat will be able to eat and use the litter box while wearing the suit.

When checking ratings and reviews for E-collars, keep in mind that many of the collars are designed for both cats and dogs. A negative review from someone whose 80-pound dog gnawed through a size Large collar doesn’t tell you much about how the collar will work for your 10-pound kitty.

Bottom line: We sure hope your cat won’t need to wear a cone or recovery suit any time soon. But if they do, know that you can spare them the basic plastic cone and level up to something more comfortable.

Clear Collars with Soft Edges

These inexpensive Elizabethan cat collars are upgrades from the basic plastic cone, with improvements such as padding to prevent neck irritation, holes for easier breathing, and wider cone shape to avoid irritating your cat’s whiskers.

While this E-collar looks a lot like the dreaded cone, it has some significant improvements, including top and bottom padded edges, so your cat’s neck won’t get irritated, and a set of holes that make it easier for your cat to breathe. The collar has snap closures with three settings so you can adjust the fit. Because this product is for dogs and cats, you’ll probably want to get the small size for your kitty.

Buy Now on Chewy

This cone has a padded cotton collar and padded edges, plus Velcro for closing the collar firmly. It’s wider than traditional plastic cones, so it is less likely to irritate your kitty’s sensitive whiskers. Read the product’s sizing guide—and customer comments—before buying. Some pet parents feel that it runs a bit large.

Buy Now on Chewy

Fully Padded Collars

These fully padded Elizabethan cat collars are a great choice to help your cat rest comfortably. But they can limit visibility, so your cat should be protected or supervised as they move around the house. Fabric collars that absorb dampness may also get wet in the cat’s water dish.

The cat version of this soft E-collar is the extra-small size of the Calm Paws dog collar. It fits necks 6 to 9 inches and has a depth of 4.75 inches. The heavy-duty outer materials are easy to clean, and the soft, fuzzy inner material is comfy for your recovering kitty. Reviews on this collar are mixed—some praise its comfort, others comment that it’s bulky and perhaps better suited for larger pets.

Buy Now on Chewy

Two cool things about this padded collar make it a good choice for cats: First, you can remove the plastic stays to make it less stiff and bulky. Then, if your cat is recovering from a shoulder or upper back injury such as a wound, you can turn down the collar so the cone goes in the other direction—covering the back and shoulders rather than the head and neck. Durable, tight-gauge nylon is ideal for your cat because their claws can’t get caught in it; the material also allows you to fold it back when needed.

Buy Now on Chewy

This lightweight, soft machine-washable memory foam collar is designed for cats. Chewy customers rave about it—because cats don’t mind wearing it! Some purchasers inverted the cone to cover the back, chest, and shoulders. However, there are some minuses: Cats can get claws caught in the fabric cover and fabric can get soaked and heavy if it drags in the cat’s water dish.

Buy Now on Chewy

This collar may not cheer up your convalescing cat, but it is likely to amuse you. Depending on which collar you select, your cat can look like a lion, a sunflower, or a pink pompom. Some buyers say it is perfect for a cat, others report that it is a bit heavy. The collar is machine washable.

Buy Now on Chewy

Inflatable Collars

Inflatable Elizabethan cat collars are big and bulky, but very effective at keeping your cat from biting or licking a sore area.

An affordable collar designed for cats and short-nosed dogs, the Kong Cloud Collar inflates to become a big soft donut with a hook-and-loop closure. It’s washable, so your kitty can stay clean and comfortable while keeping wounds and stitches protected. The extra-small and small sizes are for cats—check size information and measuring instructions before purchasing.

Buy Now on Chewy

Even if your cat does not achieve serenity by wearing this inflatable collar, they’ll be well protected. This collar must be attached to your cat’s regular collar: inflate it, attach to their collar, and use the hook-and-loop strap to close the ZenCollar in front.

Buy Now on Chewy

Recovery Suits for Cats

While Elizabethan collars are designed to reduce a cat’s range of motion so they can’t reach a surgical site or injured area, recovery suits take the opposite approach. They allow the cat to move freely but protect the injured or irritated area from teeth, claws, and tongues. Some recovery suits can also be used to hold dressings in place.

This suit gets rave reviews from cat parents for its effectiveness at preventing cats from fussing with their surgical wounds. There is an excellent guide on the Suitical website with measuring directions (cat sizes include XXX-small, XX-small, X-small, and small) and details on the suit’s many features. A blue lining makes it easy to detect fluids or bleeding, and there is a pocket for an ice pack or absorbent padding. The suit closes with snaps and the stretchy neck and leg openings of the suit keep it in place. The manufacturer says that most cats will be able to use the litter box without dirtying the suit.

Buy Now on Chewy

This recovery suit for wound management and post-surgical protection is a two-piece. You put the top on over the head, roll it down to the shoulders, and insert the cat’s front legs, one at a time. The optional back piece is like a pair of undies. The machine-washable suit is 95% cotton and 5% Lycra. Be sure to read the sizing instructions before ordering.

Buy Now on Chewy

This lightweight step-in onesie is, like other suits, designed to prevent your pet from licking, biting, or scratching at a sensitive area. Unlike other recovery suits, however, it covers the upper legs—so it could be ideal for a cat recovering from a leg or shoulder condition. The chest/tummy area is adjustable for a snug fit, and most cats can easily use the litterbox while wearing the suit. Made of Pima cotton, the pullover is machine washable.

Buy Now on Chewy

The Best Cat Elizabethan Collar for…Style

While it may work as a post-surgery option to keep kitty from clawing or chewing at stitches, as you can see, the primary objective of this particular Elizabethan cat collar is purely ornamental. This handmade lace ruff is just what you need when outfitting the cat for your next all-feline production of King Lear or Twelfth Night.

It’s made in the USA and available on Etsy at the link below.

Shop on Etsy

Homemade Recovery Outfit Solutions

Need to improvise a recovery collar or suit for your cat in a hurry? A baby t-shirt will often do the trick. This vet in England posted an entire gallery of patients wearing their collars and tiny shirts.

Further Reading

Karen Anderson is a writer at Rover. Before joining Rover, she was a writer and editor at Apple and a freelancer for companies including Cardiac Science, Houzz, the Home Owners Club, and the Seattle Times. Her hobbies are dancing, gardening, science fiction, and pet-sitting for friends and neighbors. She shares her house with a delightful clowder of quirky rescue cats.

sidebar

The Dog People Newsletter

Sign up and get $25 off pet sitting and dog walking!

from Lucky Dog Solutions http://www.luckydogsolutions.com/these-elizabethan-cat-collars-will-change-your-kittys-recovery-game/ from Lucky Dog Solutions https://luckydogsolutions.tumblr.com/post/628145736658436096

[filtration-products]

Get Rid of Annoying Pimples & Acne (I Know, What a Beautiful Title For This Article!)

Have you ever had a really sore spot on your skin? Almost everyone has a bother at one time or another. Here are some wee tips you might like to try to make your skin all soft and lovely, and most importantly, blemish-free! WooHoo! We’re done with you, stupid blemishes, or, as another particularly angry woman in a very famous play might say, “Out, out, damn spot!” hahaha! Yes, I’m full of great ideas and terrible jokes, but if you have a laugh and find a remedy that really works for you, and then you share that with a friend, won’t the whole world look better?? lol!

I made this discovery a while back, and I can’t believe how well this works. As with anything, try these ideas at your own discretion…

There are so many ‘solutions’ for problem skin (especially Acne) on different shows and in all sorts of articles, but most of them end in ‘see your Dermatologist’, but it’s my guess that the vast majority of people don’t have regular (or any…) access to a Dermatologist, so I think there’s room for my little ideas. Pass the info along if you know someone who might benefit from it!

Go to your drugstore or local pharmacy and walk right past the Skin Care Aisle. That’s right, I said it. Walk on by! Now get rid of any shame you might have, and go to either the Foot Fungus section (for Athlete’s Foot), or to the ever-popular Vaginal Itch section… still with me? Stopped cringing, yet?? Come on, now, this remedy really works! You want to get whatever is the cheapest tube of any product with Clotrimazole Cream, USP 1% or Miconazole Nitrate 2%. For real! I’m telling you, try it this week, and see if you notice a huge difference in your skin. Worth a try, right? I talked with my pharmacist about it, and she laughed and said they’ve known that for years, so just in case I’m not the very last one to find out, too, go ahead and give it a shot. These creams are waaay less expensive than what you will find in the regular skin care aisle, and, in my own opinion, much more effective.

Still here? haha! Once you try it, you won’t think this is so bad, after all… and you might even want to take a stroll over to the Wart section (this is a good time to make sure no one you are even remotely attracted to is watching you! lol!) and see if you can find a ‘Wart Stick’. No kidding. It looks like a chap-stick, but has a really high concentration of Acetylsalicylic acid in it, which is very good for healing skin, but never on any ‘open wound’ (hope you’re not having your lunch while you’re reading this!).

If you are feeling extra-brave, and God has punished you with Skin Tags, for some unknown reason (I’m kidding, just kidding… God’s probably not punishing you… I don’t really know what bad things you might have done last week, I’m just guessing that maybe you’ve had a little extra fun in your life, and now you have these damn skin tags out of nowhere… and you are afraid of getting them lopped off in some sort of surgical procedure, so if this is the case, you could use a small amount of the ‘wax’ in the Wart Stick, placed carefully directly on the skin tag, and just let the thing dissolve away. Oooh, sounds so lovely!

Aspirin: Here’s what to do: put a couple of regular aspirins on a teaspoon, and add a wee drop of water. Set it by the sink for a minute and it’ll dissolve completely. Put on enough of this to cover the Spot, and let it dry. Leave it on all night if it’s a particularly sore spot. If you like, you can mix it with a wee bit of your favourite skin cream, then apply it to the area. You’ll see a remarkable difference in your skin in no time!

I also tried this in a Mask, mixing the dissolved aspirin (any kind — the coating won’t make any difference) with some Liquid Antibacterial Soap. It really tightens up the pores. Take extra care not to get this anywhere near your eyes!

If you feel like it, you can dissolve a whole lot of Aspirin (Bayer dissolves with the smoothest texture…) in a little container (okay, it’s a plumbing part, but only because I happen to have a lot of plumbing parts around the house, on account a’ I’m in Construction!). A small handful of Aspirin — they’re cheap, so use however many you like.

Anyway, I use them as a Regular Face Scrub, now — just scoop some of the Dissolved Aspirin & Water into the palm of your hand and add some Liquid Soap. Removes all the make-up or dirt (male/female…whatever you get on your face!). Again, watch you don’t get this in your eyes and moisurize your skin afterwards. Very refreshing. Make sure you moisturize your skin after any of these little ‘treatments’.

An even easier FaceScrub is with a little bit of Baking Soda, put it in the palm of your hand and add some liquid soap. Use to very gently cleanse your face, but not very often, because you want to stay youthful for as long as possible, so it seems like a Bad Idea to remove facial cells and what-not, too often, right? lol!

I happen to like ‘experimenting’ with different things, so if there’s something else (nothing Internal, of course…!) that you think it might work on, try it. You can always wash it off right away, if you experience any discomfort.

Here’s something else I tried that worked — I put some Hydrogen Peroxide on a little disposable cotton pad, cleaned my face with it like you would use any Facial Toner, and I couldn’t believe the difference that made to my own skin in about 10 days.

Do this every night before bed, and then every morning when you get up (unless you have Dry Skin), and you will be amazed at how great your skin will look and feel. After 30 Days, you’ll see a remarkable difference, then this will be a habit for life! (Oh, and be extremely careful not to go anywhere near your eyes!)

Use Hydrogen Peroxide as a Facial Toner — it’s great! It’ll really clean your skin and refine your pores, which is always good, right?You’ll see an incredible improvement in your skin within 10 days! Just apply it with a little Cotton Pad. Put some Moisturizer on your face after that… I use Lubriderm Hand Lotion because it’s one of the few moisturizers I’m not allergic to…) It’s handy to have in your Medicine Cabinet for any cuts & scrapes, too. You can buy Hydrogen Peroxide at any Department Store or Pharmacy — it costs about 97 cents for a bottle — very cheap for an incredibly useful product!

Cold Sores (or anything in that family…) — apply the Dissolved Aspirin and small amount of Vitamin E, Aloe Vera gel or any over-the-counter Viral fighting gel directly to the spot. You’ll be shocked at how quickly it goes away.

My favorite new product is this Clear Aloe Vera Gel — I think you can get it at the pharmacy. This stuff is amazing for your skin… I initially got it for a sunburn (because I was reading at the pool and got an annoying burn… you’d think I’d know better by now, right? haha!)

I have the worst time with Allergies, and now I can only use completely Unscented Items (with the exception of Citrus, which I’m still Okay with!). This site has all sorts of useful products for folks like me!

When we first got Tia (our wee dog), I had a really bad allergic reaction to her, but we all loved her sooo much, I went in search of a product that might help, and I found one — Allerpet/d (Allerpet, Inc., Farnam Pet Products). You just rub it on your pet (cover all the fur…) and any ‘pet smell’ disappears. The bizarre thing is that we only had to do it a number of times over the first two years, then rarely after that…this stuff really works!

Hair Tip: One of the best Hair Conditioners that I’ve tried over the years is straight Olive Oil. I have really long, and some might say, crazy hair, so this works well for taming crazy hair — or just making regular hair nice and smooth!

Pour some Olive Oil into a water bottle with a flip-up top. It’s just easier to deal with, that way… and you can leave whatever you don’t use right in the bathroom. Anyway, put a towel around your shoulders and pour the Olive Oil right on the ends of your hair and work it in until it’s saturated. I never do the top of my hair, since it seems fine on it’s own.

If you are lucky enough to live in a Hot Climate, pop out into the sun to let the oil work itself into your hair, otherwise, just go spend some time on the computer or reading while your hair has a nice wee ‘Oil Soak’ I usually leave it on for about an hour.

Wash it out with a fair bit of shampoo, then follow with your usual Conditioner. Watch you step, though, since the oil can be slippy when you’re washing your hair. This is when you might want to rethink your earlier plan to drink your way through the hour wait… ya’ha,ha!

This makes my hair extremely curly, for some reason or another… makes it look like I’ve got no life whatsoever and have been sitting curling my hair into ringlets all day… which I swear, although I hardly do have any sort of Life, I can’t be bothered with that amount of work on my hair. I am willing to comb it, though, which I do right after the treatment, then whenever else I happen to remember. That’s the level of special care I allot to ‘Fancy Grooming’!

Anyway, this really works, and it’s very inexpensive. And you can use the rest of the Olive Oil with a wee bit of vinegar and some spices for a lovely Marinade for the met you might have for dinner! See how practical?

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[daleisgreat]

RoH Supercard of Honor XI

Welcome all to my yearly recap of Ring of Honor’s Supercard of Honor (SoH) event. It is the one RoH show I make sure to catch every year, so click here to check out past installments. 2017 marked the 11th edition of the show and like most previous SoH cards, it transpired within the same vicinity as where Wrestlemania occurred that same weekend. As a result, the announcers for this show (Kevin Kelly, Colt Cabana, Ian Riccaboni) stated SoH XI had one of the largest attendances in RoH history. RoH is about in the same place as it was a year ago, owned by TV conglomerate Sinclair. One new addition to RoH since the prior SoH was bringing back their own women’s division and branding it as ‘Women of Honor.’ They aired a handful of women-only shows since the summer of 2016 and women matches spotlighted on the RoH YouTube channel are among their videos that garner their highest traffic. RoH still has their weekly syndicated TV show that can be found on your local Sinclair affiliate or on a few day delay on the official RoH website. I am impressed to see they have maintained their step up in ring and arena lighting that I noticed last year as it brings their overall production values up to a more professional level. They even added a few video-trons to their entrance area and have near-WWE quality matchup and banner graphics throughout the event. Big ups to Sinclair these past two years for doing those little things that go a long way!

The four prelim matches are included as bonus material on disc two and are all Women of Honor bouts. On one hand this is great seeing four women matches on a show, but to see them all relegated to the preshow is disheartening. Tasha Steelz bested Brandi Lauren in the opener with a Butterfly Suplex in a basic opener while the arena was still filing in. Next, Mandy Leon & Jenny Rose beat Sumie Sakai & Faye Jackson in a bout that engaged the crowd with a few more dives and high-flying maneuvers and saw Mandy get the pin with her Unprettier finisher. The best of the four women’s matches featured talent on loan from Mexican promotion CMLL. Marcela and La Amapola are two sound veterans who had a main event caliber match with many impressive holds and moments, and eventually Marcela got the victory with a Michinoku Driver. The final women’s match saw the undefeated Kelly Klein defeat Deonna Purrazzo with a Northern Lights Suplex. The announcers kept hyping Klein as a big deal for being undefeated for 525 days going into the match, so I anticipate only big things for her ahead. The opener for the main SoH XI card was for the TV title and featured Marty Scrull defending the strap against Bullet Club member Adam Cole. Yes, the same Adam Cole who left for WWE a few months later and is now the head of the NXT faction, Undisputed Era with Bobby Fish and Kyle ‘o Reilly. This bout had a lot of good exchanges and counters and vicious-looking piledrivers. The exception however was Cole botching two attempts at a Tombstone, but the duo quickly found their footing not too long after. Eventually Scrull successfully defended the title with a rear naked choke submission. My man, Silas Young (AKA AWA Scott Hall) and Beer City Bruiser teamed up next against The Kindgom, and after some chicanery involving a cigar, Young hit his version of the TKO and got the pin while puffing away on the stogie in a fun match.

A nice highlight package recapping Bully Ray’s involvement in RoH and becoming a triple tag team champion along with the Briscoes helped set up their title defense versus Bullet Club’s Hangman Page & Gorillas of Destiny. If you recall my past RoH recaps, I am not a big fan of the lack of officiating in RoH tag bouts, but considering the participants involved here I will allow a little leeway in this match that had a ton of chaos and crowd pleasing madness. I am still a little surprised to see Bully Ray competing in an RoH ring, but he seems like a good fit with the Briscoes as they successfully defended their titles with a double Doomsday Device and Super 3D for the win. Another former WWE star made his SoH debut next with Bullet Club’s Cody Rhodes taking on Jay Lethal in a Texas Bullrope match. Oh yeah, I forgot he is just called ‘Cody’ here because WWE owns the ‘Rhodes’ trademark. Another video package and the announcers helped set the stage for their rivalry and why the Bullrope match is a big deal for the Rhodes family. There were some big moments here that saw Cody dawn the crimson mask and a sweet-looking spot from Cody where he popped up and toss Lethal through a table. Eventually Cody got his first RoH loss here after Jay pinned him with the Lethal Injection. The next match was a triple threat tag team match with the Motor City Machine Guns, the Rebellion and Will Ferrara & Cheeseburger. This contest was more of a cluster-mess with all kinds of hijinx in the opening half and the tag rules being practically non-existent. Once I got past the craziness, there were a few decent spots that culminated with the Motor City Machine Guns getting the win with their finish. The last match on disc one saw Punishment Martinez take on Frankie Kazarian. Martinez can fly for a big man, and he eventually got the victory with his South of Heaven Chokeslam after Hangman Page distracted Kaz.

The aforementioned Bobby Fish came out next and called out Jay Lethal, but instead Silas Young came out and the two had an impromptu match that featured a cringe-inducing ref bump. The match got thrown out after a few minutes when Silas attacked the replacement ref for the DQ. More CMLL talent was showcased in the next bout with Dragon Lee & Jay White taking on Volador Jr. & Will Ospreay. These guys can go, and their acrobatics puts a vast majority of the cruiserweight action on 205 Live to shame. Ospreay delivering a Shooting Star Press to the outside of the ring was the standout highlight, but it was his partner Volador Jr. who got the pin with a body scissors from the top rope. The first half of the double main event followed with Christopher Daniels defending his RoH World Title against Dalton Castle. It was a nice feel good story earlier this year with Daniels winning his first World Title gold after over 20 years in the business. Dalton dialed back his act enough so it is not as obnoxious as before, but despite his efforts in this match a well executed counter-exchange had Daniels getting the surprise roll-up win. After the match Cody attacked Daniels to set up their title match several weeks later.

The final match saw the Hardy Boyz defending their tag titles against the Bullet Club’s Young Bucks in a ladder match. Since my previous SoH recap, I have since ‘got’ the Young Bucks ‘too sweet/superkick party’ personas. It was a bit too over-the-top initially when first exposed to it last year, but I kind of get it now and am not as mortified by it as I once was. I still think they forever ruined the superkick as a finish, but to be fair so did the Usos in recent years to a lesser degree. The match did not disappoint, and while the Hardyz are 25-year vets, they nearly stayed on pace with the Young Bucks throughout. A couple OMG moments were the Bucks putting Jeff Hardy through a table with a 450 Splash and the Hardyz shoving one of the Bucks off a ladder in a specific way that he wound up inadvertently putting his own brother through a table. I am not kidding when I state that at least 10, maybe even 15 tables were broken throughout the match. Ultimately, the Young Bucks emerged as the new tag champs when they simultaneously superkicked both Hardyz off a ladder and grabbed the belts for the win. If you recall how this weekend went down earlier this year it was the final day for the Hardyz in their short RoH stint after a lengthy run in Impact/GFW/TNA. They would proceed to return to WWE the next night at Wrestlemania 33, but more on that in a future blog! SoH XI was a major improvement from the two night split SoH X lineup from last year. The overall show was better paced and they did not go excess on the comedy or highspots overkill like in some previous years. The continued bump in production quality and convenient storyline highlight packages that preceded most matches added a lot for a casual RoH fan like myself who only catches just a few shows a year. I would have liked to have seen at least one of the women’s matches on the main card, and I had a few other nitpicks noted above, but for the most part this was the best SoH show in quite a few years. My picks for matches of the night are the Bullrope match, the CMLL tag match and the tag titles ladder main event that delivered! Definitely go out of your way to add Supercard of Honor XI to your RoH collection! Past Wrestling Blogs Best of WCW Clash of Champions Best of WCW Monday Nitro Volume 2 Best of WCW Monday Nitro Volume 3 Biggest Knuckleheads Bobby The Brain Heenan Daniel Bryan: Just Say Yes Yes Yes DDP: Positively Living Dusty Rhodes WWE Network Specials ECW Unreleased: Vol 1 ECW Unreleased: Vol 2 ECW Unreleased: Vol 3 For All Mankind Goldberg: The Ultimate Collection Its Good to Be the King: The Jerry Lawler Story Ladies and Gentlemen My Name is Paul Heyman Legends of Mid South Wrestling Macho Man: The Randy Savage Story Memphis Heat OMG Vol 2: Top 50 Incidents in WCW History OMG Vol 3: Top 50 Incidents in ECW History Owen: Hart of Gold RoH Supercard of Honor 2010-Present ScoobyDoo Wrestlemania Mystery Sting: Into the Light Straight to the Top: Money in the Bank Anthology Superstar Collection: Zach Ryder TNA Lockdown 2005-2014 Top 50 Superstars of All Time Tough Enough: Million Dollar Season True Giants Ultimate Fan Pack: Roman Reigns Ultimate Warrior: Always Believe Warrior Week on WWE Network Wrestlemania 3: Championship Edition Wrestlemania 28-Present The Wrestler (2008) Wrestling Road Diaries Too Wrestling Road Diaries Three: Funny Equals Money Wrestlings Greatest Factions WWE Network Original Specials First Half 2015 WWE Network Original Specials Second Half 2015 WWE Network Original Specials First Half 2016 WWE Network Original Specials Second Half 2016 WWE Network Original Specials First Half 2017

[global-journal-blog1]

With Her Dating App, Women Are in Control

Ms. Wolfe, a founder of the better-known rival dating app Tinder, which was the subject of a damning Vanity Fair article suggesting that it promotes hookup culture disadvantageous to women, left the company in a tangled manner stemming from her relationship and subsequent breakup with another founder, Justin Mateen. She later sued for gender discrimination, accusing her ex of publicly calling her a “whore,” charging that the chief executive had dismissed her complaints as “dramatic” and that her male colleagues had stripped her of her founder title because having a woman on the founding team would “make the company seem like a joke.” The case was settled out of court, with Ms. Wolfe receiving a reported $1 million and company stock.

GJtm.

“I think everyone in this room has had terrible dating experiences or been in an emotionally unhealthy relationship,” Ms. Wolfe said carefully.

It is no secret her relationship with Mr. Mateen fell into that category, in part because dozens of their text messages were published on gossip blogs like Valleywag and TMZ. “But I’ve thought long and hard about this,” she added, “and I think a lot of the dysfunction around dating has to do with men having the control. So how do we put more control in women’s hands?”

Most heterosexual women who have played the online dating game have cringed or worse on occasion. Accounts like Tindernightmares, detailing the most horrific pickup lines, and ByeFelipe, which calls out men who turn hostile when rejected, don’t have millions of followers for nothing: They are snapshots of what it is to be a woman swiping online, for whom harassment is a rite of passage. There are men who won’t swipe a woman above a certain age (often 29), unrequested crotch shots, that notorious OKCupid report about racial preferences and all sorts of other depressingly archaic behaviors, as detailed in pop psychology studies and books like “Dataclysm,” by Christian Rudder, the founder of OKCupid. According to a study from the American Psychological Association last year, Tinder users report lower self-esteem, self-worth and dissatisfaction with their looks, with women more affected.

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Enter Bumble — or what has been called “feminist Tinder.” It won’t change the rules of dating overnight, but in the ecosystem of online dating, it aims to be a little less agonizing for women. It features photo verification that assuages users’ fears that they might be getting catfished (lured into an online relationship with a false identity) and security that makes it easy to report harassment. The company says its abuse report rate is among the lowest of its competitors, at 0.005 percent.

Photo

Whitney Wolfe, far left, holds a meeting at headquarters. The app is two years old and employs about 35 people. Credit Drew Anthony Smith for The New York Times

And the tolerance for nastiness is low. After a female user sent screenshots to Bumble of a conversation with a guy named “Connor,” in which he ranted about “gold-digging whores,” the company barred him, detailing its thinking in an open letter that ended “#LaterConnor.” Another man was barred for fat-shaming. Users regularly receive notifications to “bee nice,” sometimes with saucy emojis.

GJtm.

But its main innovation may be that it lets women be the hunters, not the hunted.

“I always felt that for me as a woman, I always had to wait around,” Ms. Wolfe said. “In all other arenas, I was ambitious and a go-getter, but when it came to dating, I wasn’t supposed to go after what I wanted. And so I essentially said, O.K., here’s what we’re going to do: Women make the first move. And they’re going to do so in 24 hours or the match disappears, so she feels encouraged to do it.

“Much like Cinderella, if she waits, the carriage is going to turn into a pumpkin.”

Of course, not every woman wants to make the first move, or feels comfortable doing it. “It strikes me as just another thing that we as women have to do,” Meredith Fineman, a digital strategist in Washington, said with some weariness.

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And if you’re one of those people who still subscribes to “The Rules: Time-Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right,” the 1995 self-help book that advised women to act elusive and demure, wait for the guy to make the first move and thus end up with a wedding ring, Bumble may seem radical.

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But have we really moved on from the old-school rules of attraction?

Ms. Wolfe thinks technology turned the traditional mating dance into more of a rumble. “I’d read a lot about the psychology around rejection and insecurity, and I had noticed that when people feel insecure or rejected, they behave aggressively, erratically,” she said. “Especially when you can hide behind a screen name or a profile picture. So I thought, how can we reverse-engineer that?”

GJtm.

Her solution: Men have to wait for a woman to reach out — they can’t initiate the conversation — so rather than feeling rejected if a woman doesn’t reply to their pickup line, they feel flattered if she reaches out to pick them up.

Emily Witt, the author of “Future Sex,” which documents her experience as a single person in her 30s trying to understand dating and courtship today, thinks the app helps clear up confusion. “A lot of contemporary dating, a lot of the kind of sense of unease,” Ms. Witt said, “comes from people not knowing how they’re supposed to ask and roles they’re supposed to play, because so many of the dating rituals are so patriarchal. Yet even so, a lot of women are still reluctant to ask a guy out. So I think the revolution of Bumble is taking that uncertainty completely out.”

GJtm.

Ms. Wolfe did not initially plan to change the dating game. She was 23, unemployed and living with her mother when she took a trip to Los Angeles to visit a fellow alumna of Southern Methodist University. The hot water went out, so they went to another friend’s house to use the shower. That friend was Mr. Mateen. That night, they had dinner with his buddy Sean Rad, who was working at a tech incubator owned by IAC, which would eventually become the birthplace of Tinder. He needed someone to run marketing, and Ms. Wolfe was available.

She didn’t have a career plan, exactly, but she had had plenty of jobs. In college, she sold tote bags to raise money for animals affected by the BP oil spill. Later, she volunteered in orphanages in Southeast Asia, excitedly phoning home to tell her parents she was going to start a travel website. “They were like, ‘Can you just focus on not getting malaria?’” she said. After college, she spent a month in a photography program in New York and worked a few odd assistant jobs before moving back in with her mother.

At Tinder, Ms. Wolfe said, she took the app to S.M.U., got sorority women to sign up, then immediately crossed the street to the fraternities and told them all the hot girls were on the app. When she started Bumble, she did much of the same, taking it to universities, signing up college women and assuming — as good marketers do — that where the women went, the men would follow. It was a crowded market, but Bumble now claims 800 million matches and 10 billion swipes per month. It ranks second in top grossing Apple downloads in the Lifestyle category, second only to Tinder.

It was a condition of Ms. Wolfe’s settlement with Tinder that she not discuss its terms. But she made it plain that leaving the company came at considerable cost, not all monetary. Almost overnight, she became what one reporter called the “Gone Girl” of Silicon Valley. To some, she was a heroic survivor of toxic male start-up culture. Others felt that she had manipulated her way to power and that the text messages showed her to be as volatile as any angry ex.

GJtm.

“For a good amount of time I didn’t feel like me,” she said. “And I think eventually my subconscious just said, ‘Go to work. Just go to work.’”

GJtm.

She eventually began working on a social network for teenage girls called Merci, focused on compliments (the tagline: “compliments are contagious”), and it became the basis for Bumble. The Russian entrepreneur Andrey Andreev, of the European dating behemoth Badoo, stepped up to invest.

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The company, which now has 35 employees globally (including two former Tinder colleagues), has added Bumble BFF, a matching service for platonic female friendships; is preparing to roll out Bumble Bizz, a networking app; and has acquired Chappy, an app for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people.

All of this expansion, however, has not been without hiccups.

Recently, Bumble introduced a subway campaign in New York that used the slogan: “Life’s short, text him first” — only to realize that not every woman is looking for a him, and some “hims” now identify as “hers” or something else. “We really regretted that,” Ms. Wolfe said, noting that Bumble users will soon be able to choose from a number of gender identities. Now the slogan reads: “Make the first move,” which also happens to be the working title of the memoir-meets-dating guide Ms. Wolfe recently signed up to write for Portfolio, an imprint of Penguin.

GJtm.

The company is also offering webinars for college users in which experts advise on subjects from “how to do your taxes” to “how to recognize sexual assault,” and getting ready to roll out a Siri-like character called Beatrice, which will call you during a date to make sure you’re fine. Ms. Wolfe also said users would soon be able to chat with an on-call gynecologist (her own).

“Look, are we solving the world’s problems by allowing women to make the first move on a dating app? No,” Ms. Wolfe said. “But I do believe we are helping to change some very archaic norms.”

As if on cue, the doorbell rang. It was a delivery man with a bouquet of flowers for Bumble’s head of college marketing, from a guy she had met on the app.

It had been going well — they had been on a half-dozen dates — until her friends found a video of him engaging in a lewd act online. She didn’t want to ghost him. But for the moment, she wasn’t responding to his texts.

GJtm.

With Her Dating App, Women Are in Control was originally published on GLOBAL JOURNAL