#like i could rationalize a breakup/come up with something that makes more SENSE for them to break up instead of biphobia 101 but

[surviveds]

okay adding them back because i'm slightly over it (not really but lmao) and i have decided i'm ignoring it because it really is a stupid fucking episode, and that's something i rarely say, but it's stupid. it just makes no sense writing wise or character wise and i personally think it is very dumb to have buck say he "didn't know tommy could be that cruel" for HAVING A BEARD!!! the buck EYE know does not need josh to explain gay survival and beards to him like he also does not need the kinsey scale explained to him. it's also stupid as hell of buck to say like he didn't cheat on his girlfriend and then coerce her into moving in with him - but am i surprised we're continuing to do taylor kelly erasure/acting like she's the villain in their relationship? absolutely not lmao.

i'm also just. not acknowledging tommy dated abby because it is very silly and unserious and makes little sense. instead he was engaged to a random woman but broke it off because. you know. Gay. and buck spirals because he's sad tommy felt the need to hide like that at All then josh is like: it's not about you. tommy comes over and buck pops the moving in question but tommy says no only because he owns his house so why the hell would he move into buck's loft?? they decide to continue living separately because it's only been six months away but tommy and buck both get drawers in each others houses. ok. that's the only bucktommy 806 plot i personally know, thank you

not that i'm really writing rn but i am temporarily taking b*ck and t*mmy off of my muse list

[deception-united]

Hello, I love your blog. I'm writing a story about cheating and I was wondering how you write the person finding out and the couple breaking up making it clingy and annoying?

Hi, thanks for asking! Writing about cheating and the fallout can be emotionally intense, so it's important to approach it with sensitivity and realism. Before you reach this point, though, make sure the dynamic of the couple is established. One one hand, you might want to create a strong foundation of trust and intimacy between them before the cheating happens to make the betrayal worse, making it as much as a shock for the reader as it is for the character; but on the other, there might have been factors here and there that made it expected, or at least lessened the shock. In this case, you may want to drop subtle hints or foreshadow events that hint at what is to come.

Though this is a very general mould, the scenario might typically go something like this:

It all starts with the discovery—the moment the person finds out about the cheating. This scene will likely be extremely emotionally charged. Consider different ways they might discover the truth—catching the other in the act, finding incriminating evidence, or hearing about it from someone else, for example. Show the character's initial shock, disbelief, anger, heartbreak.

There may be a confrontation, or the person being cheated on might decide to keep this information private for the time being, for whatever reason that may be. The former scenario will likely be intense and dramatic, with raw emotions pouring out on both sides. It's important to use dialogue that reflects the feelings of betrayal and hurt in this moment. As the truth comes out and emotions run high, the situation may escalate, leading to a heated argument or even a physical altercation. Remember to be mindful of realistic consequences and character reactions.

After the confrontation, show the aftermath of the breakup: the emotional fallout for both parties involved, any collateral damage to friendships or family relationships, the process of healing and moving on (or not. Revenge and resentment is good, too), and how the experience changes the characters. This will add depth and carry the story forward.

Here are some tips to keep in mind:

Show one or both parties overreacting to the situation. This could involve exaggerated emotions, dramatic accusations, or unreasonable demands.

Focus on the insecurities of the person who discovers the cheating. This could involve them constantly seeking reassurance or displaying jealousy even in unrelated situations.

Adding miscommunication will fuel the high-strung emotions present in the altercation. Perhaps the person who discovers the cheating misinterprets innocent actions as signs of further betrayal.

Show the person exhibiting obsessive behaviour. Namely, stalking.

Have the person who discovers the cheating guilt-trip the other person, making them feel overly responsible for the situation and manipulating them emotionally. This could also work the other way around.

Include meddling friends or family members who exacerbate the situation by taking sides, spreading rumors, or encouraging certain behaviour.

You can depict the person who discovers the cheating as overly dependent on the relationship for their happiness and sense of self-worth, making the breakup even more devastating for them.

Showcase extreme mood swings, from intense anger and resentment to desperate pleas for reconciliation, creating a rollercoaster of emotions that can be exhausting for the other party, though keep in mind that this could put off the reader if taken too far.

The two characters will probably not be having a logical conversation in this moment. Keep it filled with emotional outbursts and irrational accusations rather than rational discussions, preventing any resolution or closure.

Try to drag out the breakup process with unnecessary confrontations, repeated arguments, and attempts at reconciliation, making it feel drawn-out and tiresome for both characters and readers alike and making the resolution or aftermath all the more satisfying.

Again, all this depends on your story and characters, but I hope this is helpful nonetheless. Happy writing ❤

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[lushandlamb]

The 12th House: You’re Stuck In The Story

If you have been into astrology for some time, you have surely come across the elusive descriptions of the twelfth house. Hospitals, hidden enemies, lurking, prisons, etc are all terms that come about when people attempt to explain this house. However, the twelfth house seems to shirk any attempt at being understood or conceptualized. It wants to stay opaque. I also never understood this house, despite my attempts to read astrology cheat sheets and research. The only time I came close was when I learned the phrase: “you’re stuck in the story.” What does that mean? The context I heard this phrase was someone discussing how their mother consoled them after a rough breakup. She told her daughter that she was stuck in the story. She was too busy going over the events, ruminating, trying to analyze and piece together how what was became what is. But this left her in the past, unfocused on the present, causing stress and anxiety.

In the last few years, I had a crush, or better named, a limerence on a man. I’m prone to these sorts of things. Anyway, I learned that his Moon and Jupiter crossed over my 12th house. It was an interesting realization. I had considered that maybe we could be like twins, partners that matched each other in mind and spirit. Despite the fact that he was already in a committed relationships, I saw our little looks at each other, the little talks we had, his politeness as a sign that love was breezing past us as we walked side by side, our feet matching in pace and beat. I asked myself how these encounters could just mean nothing. There had to be something there! How can I feel this way if it means nothing? But in the end, these were all just little things, little courtesies that I had taken to mean much, much more. I was stuck in the story, I rehashed this man and I’s relationship over and over. What happened between us? Did he…? Do I still….? Does she know about…? I only learned that we were never partners and we could never be partners because I could only stand as his shadow, not myself. Always dedicated to him, chasing after, happy to live on those amorphous interactions of what could’ve been love. Only to come to the realization that it was nothing to him. And then I asked myself how I had been tricked. I journaled. I wrote bad poetry and bad short stories. I did even worse tarot readings. I was building the story up in my mind, always the self-analyst.

But really, I was living in the realm of questions, irrationality, anxiety. I was stuck in the story and he became this dark matter in my brain. When I was bored and idle, when I was lazy and sedentary, I thought of him. I was losing my hold on it. It wasn’t something I could let myself think about because it was all I thought about. This is the twelfth house. It’s where confusion lives, it’s where dreams, that are seemingly rational and from reality but then distorted, are born. It’s what haunts you, keeps you in bed, keeps you unfocused, anxious yet already so tired. It’s the sappy, unrefined word vomit when you try to make sense of it. It doesn’t want to be put into words, it doesn’t want to be known because it takes away the disorder it brings, in how nebulous it is. This is how I came to understand the twelfth house. 

I will add that rumination can be necessary. I needed to reflect to realize what I had wasted, what I had lost, but it’s more of the spiraling. I knew the lesson, I had been aware, but all of this awareness only lead me to stay in this shady relationship, going over what I had known, creating more confusion.  There is a point where healthy reflection, meditation turns into overthinking and paranoia. The rational becomes distorted. Sometimes, you should let yourself live with the fact that you couldn’t understand it. That the center couldn’t hold (maybe, it never existed) and things fell apart.  Fin. 

[aesolerin]

hey. heyehyhey. remember that talk we had about Leper's broken sword and the symbolism of how he broke and all that

well, it gets BETTER/WORSE. and all the more interesting to think about! Wanna know what he says in DD2 when given a whetstone, to sharpen his broken blade?

like, on its surface, it seems simple: he's just projecting and using it as a way to mourn the loss of his looks due to the onset of his disease, right?

Except! (as we talked about): his sword breaking had nothing to do with his looks!(1)

after all, here he is, with his full blade in hand right before the deed that ended with both of them broken: already in his leper gear at this point, with all the symbolic weight that has. (plus just what it could mean in the mundane narrative sense, if we put all our reality warping headcanons aside for just a second, lol) he likely still considered blade still 'handsome', then, as it hasn't shattered yet, no? (and his word choice when talking about it is interesting, too - his blade didn't just break, it shattered. for all that they're synonyms, one word carries a lot more violent and explosive imagery than the other, doesn't it? that this is the word he comes up with when thinking about this moment... it has a lot of interesting implications for how he looks back on it. plus, using it as a way to describe the outcome of his actions here, even if only partially, brings some level of... unintentionality to the consequences, I suppose? i dunno the best way to phrase it, but, like: when it comes to how we use the word in the English language, people knowingly break things all time, whether metaphorically or literally; people break locks to get access to things/places otherwise unavailable to them; "you have to break a few eggs to make an omelet"; ending a romantic relationship with someone is called a breakup, etc. for all that the term implies some level of damage, it's often a controlled use of damage, or something that can be fixed back up later with few repercussions. it's not too dire or drastic for something to end up broken, I guess is what I'm getting at.

For something to have shattered, though? that's almost always implies that the damage wasn't a knowing/intended consequence. At the very least that they did more damage than intended; one would very rarely go out of their way to shatter someone's heart during a break up; if someone shatters a mirror due to punching it, they likely weren't thinking rationally when trying to rid of their reflection; a kid shattering a house's window is gonna get in big trouble if found out, whether that was their goal or not. And that's also part of it - if a person did expect they'd shatter something with their actions, it ascribes to them a level of cruelty and callousness that the word 'break' just doesn't come with as subtextual baggage.

all of which is to say; while the Leper may or may not have expected to come out of his own purge broken, it would have been FAR more self-destructive if he went in expecting it to be shattered by the end. As such, it's very hard for me to think the level of self-damage done was intentional on his part. BUT ANYWAYS. back to the actual topic of this ask xD) What exactly was it that he thought was 'handsome' about his symbolic self before this, as compared to after? Was it the full weight, even as necessary as he thought it was, of killing his own subjects in cold bloo,d and thus no longer being able to truthfully say he'd never knowingly brought harm to those from his kingdom? Was it some level of happiness or enjoyment he got out of the action, thinking such a thing made him monstrous or sadistic?

Was it the calculated cruelty he was able to act with, meaning he at least partially abandoned any beliefs he may have had in kindness and empathy in interacting with others?

However you interpret such a thought process, his interactions with Jester would likely be a huge fucking wake-up call. because, let's be real, the fool would feel less than zero compunctions about calling any and all murder that happens 'sexy', and he'd be joking about it only like. half of the time. if that. xD Though, to be fair, Sarmenti would probably throw around the term 'handsome' less often. Comes a bit too close to sounding sincere, after all, could ruin his reputation as an Unrepentant Silly Asshole if the others picked up on it.

-----

(1)....Though, admittedly, Leper's phrasing in saying he/his blade was "Handsome, once, before it shattered" could just as validly be read as him having lost his handsomeness even before something in him symbolically broke..... But that take is a lot more straightforward in its interpretation, and thus much less fun for me to ruminate on for hours on end. so. ;p

What's your thoughts on all of this, if anything? You agree with any particular interpretation of it, or have an entirely different take? Do you think I'm overanalyzing this too much for DD2, where the reality warping nature of the setting might make the heroes' takes on themselves less reliable than in DD1? (if so, fair!) Just interested to hear any and all of what's going on in your noggin' after reading this!

Leper has so many layers.... so many parts of both of these games live rent free in my head, but this guy and the fucked-up clown are at the very top.

i personally lean towards the more simple 'musing on his “lost” attractiveness' interpretation. it's clear from DD1 and DD2 that Leper has a deep connection to his blade, probably considering it something of a friend or a kindred spirit. it's been with him through so much!

the term 'shattered', though, i do agree is very evocative and there's an intent to it. Leper (and the writers!) didn't simply say 'broken' for a reason. perhaps he feels he shattered himselfa fine and powerful blade in a moment of rage/weakness/self-defense/fear. it's still usable though, even in this shattered state, so Leper will keep on truckin' until his body inevitably gives out.

when the time comes and he's comfortable showing the others his Shrines, though, Jester will call his retaliation a work of art, with only the thinnest veneer of sarcasm. now there's a man who was in control of his fate! there's a man who did not roll over and die when demanded! there's a man who had the guts to do what needed to be done as soon as possible instead of taking the abuse for years and years and years! i'm sure the other heroes would also take Leper's side and assure him that what he did was right on some level, but Jester's agreement hits a bit different.

here's a funny lil interaction between the two of them i formulated with another friend:

Jester, covered in blood: you still love me right?? 🥺

Leper, for the fifth time that day: yes, i do 😊

--

Leper, changing his bandages: truly i am a wretched thing, a walking corpse... 😔

Jester, kissing his forehead: absolutely not, you're hot as fuck and built like a brick shithouse 😤

[blainehasregrets]

Omg of course I don’t mind I lovee discussing this stuff!

I think you described something I felt about Blaine that I never knew how to properly put into words: he contradicts himself because he feels contradictory things, and he has to find a way to rationalize those feelings. Like literally soo true that makes so much sense for him.

I totally see where you’re coming from about the manipulation thing, I feel like, especially Blaine haters, tend to paint the possibility of Blaine being manipulative as why Blaine didn’t actually care or love Kurt, so I get what you mean because I also agree Blaine did love Kurt genuinely! Like not being with Kurt DESTROYED him (which is why Santana’s rant is kind of funny because it hinges on the fact that Blaine didn’t want Kurt when there’s quite literally nothing he wanted more)

This is also getting long and is more about Blaine/Klaine in general so let me continue under the cut lol

Personally, I do think Blaine could be manipulative (like in TFT, DWS, The Breakup, Tested, trying to intimidate Elliott, even going to NYADA was him wanting to be around Kurt when they weren’t dating anymore (I don’t think he talked about NYADA before then? I could be wrong) and the proposal was done both out of love and because he wanted to make sure Kurt wasn’t going to meet anyone else like he tells Burt) but it’s because he loved Kurt so much he felt like he had to do what he could to keep Kurt tethered to him, even if he had to go about it in sneaky ways or might have ended up hurting Kurt. In an attempt to keep Kurt his, like proposing to him half because he didn’t want him to meet anyone else, trying to make Kurt feel bad in Tested so he could feel like their relationship isn’t changing because he cherishes being Kurt’s “protector” too much and without that dynamic he isn’t sure if Kurt needs him anymore, and lying about June, it just ended up being what pushed Kurt away and caused resentment to build. If I think Blaine was being manipulative, (for the most part) it was because I actually think it was so cool yandere slay of him. 🙂‍↕️ but I totally understand not wanting to see him as manipulative because being manipulative is inherently not a good thing.

And I agree, Blaine being that way doesn’t necessarily mean Kurt’s a perfect person either, because while I think Blaine could be manipulative, Kurt also had his own major issues like sending Blaine insanely mixed signals (telling him they should talk more, then telling him they talk too much), jealousy (like as late as New New York he was bringing up the fact that Blaine acted like he owned McKinley) and he’s such a control freak (said literally so lovingly, it’s probably one of my favorite Kurt traits) that he couldn’t handle the fact that Blaine himself also had some control issues. I also think he had his own manipulative streak like in season 1 and when he came back to Lima in season 6 to rig the wheel so he could sing with Blaine. I’ve never been a fan of people who act like either one was just an endless victim to each other because I think they both did wrong in the relationship, but that’s what makes their relationship soo interesting to me.

I agree I love Klaine’s miscommunication, because I think the way they miscommunicated made soo much sense given both character’s histories and insecurities. I know a lot of Klainers tend to hate anytime they argued because it sort of ruins the fantasy of Klaine as a perfect couple for them? And one day I want to make a big post of all the things I like about Klaine that are canon that a lot of people hate, like the season 6 breakup which I actually think didn’t just come out of nowhere like some people do, but for me I just love everything they went through, even if it was negative. I think they were an entertaining, messy couple of two dramatic theater kids and I wouldn’t have wanted their relationship any other way. And I think unlike Klaine haters who think they could never work because of all these difference between them, I think the fact that they were willing to keep trying and wanted to be together despite all the problems is romantic in an of itself, and imo they had so many reasons to keep going back to each other. I think there’s something more beautiful about a story that feels earned than something just…given to you, you know? So while some fans like couples that never argue or have any problems, I think Klaine are a good couple to me because they had to work for it and I get why they wanted to work for it.

Blaine’s Transfer To McKinley

One of the more disliked? plot points in Glee is Blaine’s transfer to McKinley. However, it’s always been silly to me that people think this plot made “no sense”, especially from Blaine fans who think Blaine transferring to McKinley meant Blaine was constantly having to relive the trauma from his previous experience in public school and Kurt was inconsiderate for making him transfer.

Don’t get me wrong: He definitely transferred to be with Kurt, and I have no doubt in my mind Kurt was being annoying as hell about it all summer given the scene of him being (playfully) passive aggressive over Blaine still going to Dalton (which makes his whole “pls don’t tell me you transferred for me because what if u resent me 🥺” even funnier lmao oh Kurt). And I also think him transferring in the middle of the episode aka nearly a week into the school year was supposed to show that Kurt was pressuring him. But I also do kind of chalk that up to the fact that The Purple Piano Project was incredibly badly written and they chose the worst possible ways to deliver information, like setting up Juilliard for Hummelberry just to explain to us NYADA a scene later like…! IMO, they could have kept that scene of Klaine in the Lima Bean, like I’m not saying they should take Kurt’s involvement in the decision completely away, but it should have been one of the very first scenes so Blaine could have been there from day 1. But omg all of this is besides the point let me move on…

However! To act as if it was not ultimately Blaine’s decision, and one he’s wanted to make for a while, is missing a huge part of his character. Not only that, I don’t understand how so many people miss this when it’s quite literally one of the very first things Blaine ever says in the show.

In Never Been Kissed, Blaine tells Kurt “I ran, Kurt. I didn’t stand up. I let bullies chase me away and it’s something I really, really regret.”

It’s literally the main thing we are introduced to his character with. Blaine is someone who wants to face his fears, in this case public school, he just hasn’t had an opportunity to do so.

The entire Dalton arc is symbolized by Pavarotti’s cage which comes up several times during season 2, and in Special Education the show frames Dalton as a place that doesn’t foster individuality (even though I think that plot point was uhh badly written because it was as if the writers seemed to forget why Kurt left McKinley in the first place…all of Kurt’s complaints about Dalton applied to McKinley too, but were supposed to forget about it because over on the McKinley side, Mr. Schue chose Fabrevans and Santana for the competition for once. but also all of this is besides the point too!), and the reason why Blaine falls in love with Kurt in the first place is because of Kurt’s independence and need for freedom despite the difficulties he faced, symbolized by him sing Black Bird. Despite the fact that I don’t particularly agree with this sentiment that a safe place like Dalton is “running away”, I think most people know going from a rich private school with no bullying to a shitty public school with tons of it is a massive downgrade, the show makes it abundantly clear that Dalton is not a place where Kurt or Blaine are meant to stay.

So, even logistics aside (because obviously as he was upgraded to a main character, he had to be with the rest of the characters more often which means he had to go to the same school, it’s really not much deeper than that), the show already set up that Blaine wanted to be free from a place like Dalton. Even in Original Song, we get the hint that Blaine is tired of his easy life in the Warblers where he gets all the solos and in Silly Love Songs he compares them to privileged, porcelain birds. To make it seem as if Blaine being at McKinley was traumatic for him or he had 0 choice in the matter and was doing it solely for Kurt is, imo, disingenuous and misses part of his character that gives him his own agency.

And yes I’m saying all of this acknowledging Blaine’s whole “I changed SCHOOLS FOR YOU 😫” thing, because I think it all can be true at once:

Blaine transferred to be with Kurt.

Blaine transferred because it’s something he’s wanted to do.

Blaine had no problem holding it over Kurt’s head when he wanted to.

I feel like none of that is contradictory to each other (or, even if it is hypocritical, it’s hypocritical in a way real people are). People are messy! They can have multiple reasons for doing what they do, and sometimes even when it’s their decision to make, they can still blame another other person for them. (And I say this with love but I mean…Blaine isn’t a stranger to blaming Kurt for something he chose to do, right? Moving out…cheating…Perfectly in character if you ask me!)

I feel like this decision doesn’t require that much suspension of disbelief either, Jesse transfers in season 1 for a couple episodes just to mess with Rachel. Yes it’s not realistic, but many aspects of glee are not and this is one of the ones I think was set up before the decision was even made.

And to be honest, I always thought the whole “Blaine should have stayed at Dalton” to be a pretty boring opinion, but when I was rewatching Purple Piano Project recently, Blaine said Kurt was just scared the Warblers were going to beat the New Directions, I couldn’t help but think that would have been soo interesting to see. The mess and drama that would come out of Klaine having to see each other as rivals…especially when you throw Sebastian into the mix…Blaine, who already couldn’t cope with the distance, having to see his boyfriend as the enemy? I would love to visit an alternate universe where that’s the route glee decided to go with.

But I’m sorry I love “I changed SCHOOLS FOR YOU 😫” and, regardless of all the reasons I’ve listed above, the general craziness it spells for Blaine that he’d transfer to a shitty public school to spend one year with his lazy fucking boyfriend (said affectionately) too much to wish it was changed. I love you canon Klaine!

[ladyluscinia]

I keep seeing interpretations of the 1x10 stuff between Izzy and Edward that bug me, so...

I'm an "Izzy apologist" in the sense I think Izzy's actions were motivated by legitimate fear for his and Edward's safety, and that the Kraken turn was pretty much all Edward and had as much to do with the crew chanting for a song as it did Izzy's words. If you disagree then we disagree - it happens - but I keep seeing random takes suggesting there's this undeniable malice in Izzy's timing I must be ignoring in order to hold this view, and there very much is not.

There's a focus on how Izzy "waits until Edward is healing" to strike out at him, supposedly proving that he's precisely targeting Edward's happiness or something. Before I get into Izzy's side of things... Edward is not healing on that deck. Moving from depression into a weird version of bargaining / denial - "I can be happy without Stede if I just wholly do and become everything in Stede's Ed that I thought I needed Stede for (and leave the old Edward behind entirely because he's sad and hurting)" - is not reaching a healthy emotional place, and that's a big reason why he's knocked out of it so easily. Izzy isn't familiar with the stages of grief, but he can at least guess something's up with a friend going through a bad breakup and then announcing they will quit their job and go be a traveling musician. I'd honestly be more convinced they were never personally close if he did accept new-Ed as real-Ed. But let's look at Izzy's side of things.

Izzy is terrified. While Edward is in his blanket fort depression, he's surrounded by a crew that knows something is wrong, does not respect or fear him, doesn't have a routine to distract them with, and they will not stop asking questions. Nightmare situation for the "don't ever let them see you weak" mindset. We know what terror eventually makes Izzy do. Why not confront Edward in the blanket fort?

Uh... Maybe because Izzy cares? About his friend?

Edward has depressive mood swings. We see them on screen. Does anyone really think this is the first time Edward has holed up in his cabin to be distraught for days? The marmalade and silk robe are new. The temporary emotional display of weakness is not. If that was something that truly disgusted Izzy, or was going to drive him away or to violence, it would have happened a long time ago. Instead, Izzy takes care him. Offers what I would bet is the saddest attempt at emotional support anyone has ever tried, but he's there.

It's just seems so unnecessarily malicious to twist what by all appearances is Izzy accepting Edward needs to be sad for a while even as he freaks out (until Edward suddenly starts saying very concerning things in public like "Why are we even being pirates?") into some kind of abusive and controlling scheme to emotionally destroy Edward for kicks.

Is the eventual lashing out hurtful? Yeah, no shit. But twisting the whole situation to go "and also any restraint, understanding, or hesitation Izzy showed was equally if not more evil because he could only have intended to increase harm done later" is... well let's just say I no longer think anything you have to say about Izzy is coming from a remotely rational character analysis.

[strangertheories]

Hi! First of all: Love your theories and analysis of ST! :) So, I have something I wanted to see your take on. Ever since volume 2, I've been wondering about the probability of Byler being canon or not, but most of all, I've been thinking about Mike's character and how he has been written in s4 especially. First I need to say that I didn't come from any particular biased (or too heavily invested) point before watching volume 2 'cause I don't ship Byler or Mileven, but as a regular fan of the show I always felt that Will was gay (that point has been clear since s3 for me), and after paying closer attention to Mike's character in volume 1, I felt for sure that he was being written as queer coded/ struggling with his sexuality. There are plenty of analysis about this online (some of which I think are reaching a little bit, while others I definitely agree with), but seeing as the show went with the whole I love you declaration / motivational coach speech from Mike to El (which to me kinda cements that Mileven will probably be the endgame tbh); what are your thoughts on the queer coding of Mike and his weirdness towards Will and just his weirdness in general? I'm so conflicted right now, 'cause to me it just doesn't make sense to build this up and not offer it any pay-off. Could you maybe help rationalize this? 'Cause something feels off with the way he was written when comparing vol1 to vol2. TLDR: Is Mike a closeted gay or is he just a lousy friend? What do you think were the Duffers' intentions with his character...?

First of all, I'm glad you like my posts! (: Second of all, it really depends on the direction they take Byler in during S5. I think a lot more people thought Mike was queer after Volume 1 and that can be seen by the influx of followers in the Byler tag. His inability to say that he loves Eleven despite the fact he was able to say it before combined with the way he was acting about Will led a lot of people to think he's actually interested in Will. It seriously makes so much sense for his character for him to be gay and if it turns out he is, that'll be some amazing writing and foreshadowing and some of the best initially subtle queer rep ever.

But I'm really conflicted on canon Byler. I don't want to be a party pooper, but I also don't want to give false hope and I'm going to say I'm skeptical of it, but I really hope to be proven wrong. Volume 2 felt like the perfect opportunity to start making Byler canon but they didn't go down that route and I feel like there's only so much milkvan that I can wave away as platonic. If it happened now, it would feel a bit rushed and fan service-y to me. I will continue to make Byler theories and try to bring some hope to people because I believe it can happen, but I'm also not going to lie about how I feel. I have the disappointed but not surprised outlook on Byler, as in it's a missed opportunity if they don't do it and a shame for the show, but it's not shocking.

So that leaves us with two possibilities. One and the one I prefer: Mike is gay and repressing his feelings for Will by projecting them onto Eleven like Will pretending Eleven asked for stuff but he is starting to work this out so he pushes Will away with the comments like it's not my fault you don't like girls. Two: after S2 without the will they won't they aspect to Mike and Eleven's relationship, the writers didn't know what to do with them so they created random conflicts and breakups so we could have an emotional moment at the end of each season with them. They wanted Mike's friendship with Will to be challenged by the relationship to show Mike is growing up and moving on but Will can't because of his sexuality and because of the loss of his childhood.

I don't think the second option is inherently bad but they've not written it like that. It makes Mike seem like he doesn't love Eleven and that he's an awful friend to Will and a lot of the Mike hate is a response to this poor writing. The actions are very realistic for a teenage boy so I get they don't have to justify it but if you see Mike in the earlier seasons and just how loyal he is, I'm not sure that's something that goes away with puberty. So either they're working towards the goal of Mike being gay and having a big realization coming out arc in S5 or they tried to write conflict into his relationships and it didn't click with a lot of the audience.

But don't lose hope because of that! It does make a ton of sense for Mike to be gay and he's clearly very queer coded. There's a reason so many people cling on to that aspect of him. So if the writers make Byler requited, it does explain a lot of stuff and a lot of analyses are super convincing so who knows. But it could also be weird relationship writing, I'm not going to lie.

Hopefully this post is ok! I'm not trying to be controversial but this is my account created for sharing my opinions on a show I love so I'm not going to pretend that there is a possibility Byler won't be canon although equally there is a possibility that it will be. Thanks for the ask and the compliment :D

[bigskydreaming]

I feel another fanon debunk session coming over me, and this one’s a BIG one. 

Let’s talk about the DickKory breakup, and why it happened.

Yup, we’re going there.

Before we get going though, I want to make one thing abundantly clear: this is NOT an invitation to bash on Kory. There will be no bashing of Kory on this post if I have anything to say about it, and its my post, so I do. So nyah nyah. But seriously like, don’t get my reasons for making this post wrong. I LOVE Kory. I SHIP Dick/Kory. And I don’t actually blame Kory for any of this, no matter how the page I’m about to show makes it appear, for reasons that I will get into later in this post, but like. I really truly don’t. I don’t think the Dick/Kory breakup ultimately was either of their fault. I think it was the painful end result of them both hitting rock bottom due to endless external fuckery with their lives and their minds during the tail end of their relationship, making it all but impossible for them to be there for each other the way they truly needed and WANTED to be....ultimately forcing them to break off and BOTH try and reorder their lives on their own. But IMO, this NEVER actually marked a dissolution of their feelings for each other, no matter what either (particularly Dick) eventually claimed in order to rationalize things to themselves.

I do however think some of the other Titans bear some culpability for not seeing things as they truly were here. I can understand given what they all went through during this time period like, how maybe it became easier to just blame Dick especially as he has a tendency to be so willing to accept blame? And so I think a lot of conclusions were jumped to that at other times they WOULD have spent more time thinking through. But here and now they didn’t simply because they were so relieved to HAVE an easy, simple explanation for things going wrong and someone to blame, someone who ACCEPTED blame. And thus more easily allowing them to speed through to the portion of events where they worked on ‘forgiving him’ for what he’d done so they could all move past it.

Okay, so let me stop talking in code for those of you who have only the faintest idea of what I’m talking about.

Traditional fanon states - and most wiki summaries I’ve seen actually CORROBORATE this, which drives me COMPLETELY up the wall because I would like to have WORDS with whomever wrote each of these wiki summaries - that ultimately, Dick and Kory broke up because they rushed into things with the wedding and both realized they weren’t actually ready to get married.

Let me be clear: this is totally and completely 100% true.

Fanon and wikis go ON however, to conclude that the ‘fault’ lies with Dick, because he was the one who jumped the gun in proposing, and that he only DID so, because he thought getting married would ‘help him finally grow up’ and ‘hit one of the milestones he thought he was missing while everyone else his age that he’d known in high school and stuff were graduating college and getting married and having kids right about now.’ And also that he eventually concluded that he didn’t actually love Kory the way he thought he did and needed to let her go for her sake.

Now let me also be clear: this is also MOSTLY true in the sense that he did eventually THINK these thoughts, some ten or fifteen issues after their crashed wedding, when he was off on his own and thinking through everything that was going on in his life and trying to make sense of the decisions he’d been making lately, most of which he was unhappy with.

The one part that ISN’T true is that last bit, which a lot of people extrapolate from and use as their basis for saying Dick ‘fell out of love with Kory’ and ‘realized that he no longer loved her the way he once had,’ with this leading into why they never got back together after Kory returned to Earth in the Titans revival series in the late 90s.

HOWEVER.

There’s a tiiiiiiiiiny little correction I must make to that last part, which might seem insignificant, but becomes ABUNDANTLY important when added to some other much needed - and much ignored overlooked - context:

Dick never ACTUALLY said or thought that he didn’t love Kory anymore, full stop. What he actually said, in its entirety, was that he realized “he never really loved Kory the way she deserved to be loved.”

Why is this distinction so important? Hang on just a sec, we’re almost there.

Now I would like to share with you, for those who have never seen this page or those who perhaps have forgotten it or its significance, the EXACT page where Dick proposes to Kory, from The New Titans #99, one issue before their wedding special in issue #100. (What’s that? You’re surprised that they got married the very issue after the proposal? You thought that they were engaged for a lengthier period of time? Ohhhh don’t worry, fair readers. We’ll get there. Ohhhh we’ll get there).

But first, those of you who have never actually read this page before, I would like you to take a look at it, and see if you can Where’s Waldo what it is about this page that makes my blood reach a boiling point in excess of 2000 degrees Fahrenheit every time someone utters the words “Dick rushed into marriage because he thought it would make him grow up or hit some important life milestone.”

Take a gander, what do you see:

See it? Get what I’m talking about?

Any talk of Dick and Kory breaking up because they weren’t ready to get married, and Dick having been the one to rush them into it before they were ready, COMPLETELY fails at accurately representing the events of that time if it fails to mention the fact that:

DICK ONLY PROPOSED WHEN HE DID BECAUSE HE WAS DESPERATE TO CONVINCE KORY, HIMSELF AND EVERYONE ELSE THAT HE LOVED HER AND ONLY HER AND SLEEPING WITH MIRAGE HAD MEANT NOTHING!

(Since, y’know, he didn’t actually sleep with her so much as he was raped by her).

I mean, your mileage may vary, but me, I happen to think that bit there is pretty CRITICAL FUCKING INTEL when it comes to this whole matter.

Claiming Dick is to blame because he rushed into marriage because he was looking to grow up or hit some milestone utterly FAILS as an analytical conclusion in EVERY POSSIBLE WAY....

When there is both ZERO indication from him BEFORE the proposal, that those are reasons or thoughts he has that has him leaning towards proposing.....

As well as ZERO reflection AFTER the failed wedding, that being desperate to convince everyone who thought he’d cheated on Kory that he really did love her, was at all a key motivating factor in him proposing when and how he did.

Like it or not, Mirage and the storyline surrounding that is utterly CRUCIAL to the DickKory breakup, because EVERY mention of that describes the cause of that breakup being rushing into marriage, and if you take away that storyline - and every character’s reaction to it - there is absolutely NO reason to even THINK Dick would still have proposed when he did.

And thus, leaving the Mirage story ENTIRELY out of all talk of the end of Dick and Kory’s relationship, is just....blatantly not indicative of what the story actually was.

Now, in addition, I know we tend to talk about this story as though DC sucks for never calling the rape what it was, and say that if DC’s not willing to treat these things as what they really are, they shouldn’t be using them as story points. First order of business: Yes DC sucks a lot and their handling of all this sucked.

BUT.

It is also not entirely accurate to say that they never TREATED this story as what it was.

Because while everyone else may have been fixated on it as Dick cheating on Kory....initially, at pretty much every point UNTIL the wedding....Dick at least was STEADFAST in not considering HIMSELF having cheated. I mean, look at his language in just the page above. He talks about being “repulsed” by what Mirage did. The writers might have never actually called what happened to Dick ‘rape,’ but initially they were VERY consistent in nevertheless writing him as someone who at least to some degree felt victimized by what happened, rather than culpable. He was trying to convince everyone ELSE to see it that way - until eventually he kinda gave up, and started to see it THEIR way. 

You can literally see him already starting to make the pivot towards rationalizing that POV to himself in the above page....he talks about ‘thinking with his hormones’ and that leading him to make a mistake, even though his hormones had nothing to do with whether what happened was wrong or not.....it was always entirely about: would he have consented to sex with Mirage IF he knew she wasn’t really Kory. Thinking with his hormones in no way addresses the fact that its completely unreasonable to expect anyone to be so on guard 24/7, even in the privacy of their own bedroom with their own girlfriend, that they have their eyes peeled for an impostor even there. 

In fact, imagine what the others would have all said if Dick hadn’t slept with Mirage that night, or else had confided in them later that it felt not right, that something was wrong, at some point BEFORE Mirage entered and told Dick in front of everyone that it had actually been her. How likely do you think it would have been that instead of taking Dick at face value, many of them would have instead viewed this as just another time Dick was exercising “Bat-paranoia” rather than allowing himself to be intimate with a loved one the way normal, non-Batfolk do, y’know? Do you think they would have automatically agreed with him that there was something up and he had reason to feel that ‘something wasn’t right about Kory’ when Dick probably still would have had no idea what for sure he felt was off, let alone that it wasn’t ACTUALLY her? Or would they have gotten on his case about how this is just him self-sabotaging again and letting his issues come between him and someone he cared about?

Tbh, one of the things that was greatest about Dick and Kory’s relationship IMO was that she was one of the best at getting him out of his own head. With Kory, when they weren’t both being jerked around by brainwashing plots and the like, Dick was better at just....letting go and just being himself around her. He didn’t feel like he had to constantly be on his guard or waiting for the other shoe to drop. Ironically, IMO, Dick DOES have a tendency to self-sabotage at times and let paranoia or other issues keep him from totally dropping his defenses and letting himself be vulnerable with other people.....meaning he probably would have been MORE likely to cue into something being off, if it had been anyone BUT Kory he’d been dating when Mirage replaced them.

So bottom line is, you can’t actually fully blame the writing for the others’ reactions to this story. Because whether they ever actually acknowledged it or not, for a good ten to fifteen issues up to the wedding, the writers pretty consistently depicted Dick as someone who was and felt victimized, even if he didn’t consciously realize it yet himself, let alone why. There were repeated moments between Kory initially breaking up with him after it happened through this proposal above, where it basically reads like Dick yelling “Ask me how violated I feel! Go on, ask me!” Except he never really got the chance because he was too busy replying to everyone around him that he hadn’t cheated on Kory, he thought he was WITH Kory, and that was the ONLY reason he had sex that night.

Slight tangent - this btw, is why I can never even get worked up enough about Nightwing Annual #2 to be like, defensive about it. That was the flashback issue written YEARS after all these events, where retroactively Andreyko inserted at some point between this proposal and the wedding - without changing anything else or the events he wrote ever being brought up or acknowledged again - a story where Dick went to visit Babs to personally deliver her wedding invitation....but only AFTER they slept together. And then when he gave her the invitation and she got furious about what had just happened, he just blithely said oh Kory won’t mind, and Babs was like yeah well I MIND!

Which was a totally valid reaction for Babs to have to those events as depicted, its just....I can’t remotely take them seriously, not when I’ve actually READ the events that by Andreyko’s own admission are meant to bookend that story. So you’re telling me, that right after Dick proposes to his longtime girlfriend SPECIFICALLY because he’s desperate to convince her he loves only her and would never willingly sleep with anyone else......he would go and sleep with someone else between then and the wedding? And then just without a hint of remorse say oh what’s the problem, Kory would be fine with it - when literally everything else about the wedding even HAPPENING was based on the fact that he knew for a fact that Kory would NOT in fact, be fine with that? Umm, make it make sense, except you can’t, because that story and the point where it makes sense are in two entirely different galactic quadrants. Green Lanterns couldn’t make it from Point A to Point B. So lol, sorry not sorry, I’m gonna stay not taking that story or claims that Dick is ACTUALLY a cheater, like, remotely seriously. I mean, your mileage may vary, but I especially don’t think anyone who can make excuses for Bruce’s many transgressions being OOC like, has any business trying to pass this particular story off as in character, but WHATEVS. Like, you CAN do it if you really want to, but I mean, I’m just gonna think that’s silly. I’ll be like OMG you’re so silly. Why are you so silly, can we just stop with all the silliness. And then like, I’ll go do something else or whatever. 

(Oh and for the record, the wedding was the issue after Dick proposed, but it wasn’t meant to be like, the day after or anything. BUT we do know it was still pretty damn soon after, like at most a week or two....because the concurrent storyline was Roy being upset because the government was trying to shut down the Titans and said they would unless Roy took leadership from Dick and ousted him, which Roy understandably was NOT keen to do, even and especially with everything going on as the Titans were a family first and foremost and he was stuck between trying to preserve them and keep them going and betraying everything they stood for by basically instigating a vote of no confidence in Dick’s leadership.....but point being, Roy kept stalling the government agent asking for his answer......when said agent was very impatient, and asked repeatedly both in issue #99 AND issue #100. So you’re never going to convince me Roy managed to stall said agent for months or whatever, or any longer than a couple weeks at most, to allow for Dick and everyone else to put together a shotgun wedding for him and Kory. Which just further adds to the make it make sense aspect of the above mentioned Annual, but I absofuckinglutely digress).

Anyway. 

NOW, let’s bring it back around to when I said like, don’t do the thing, don’t actually blame Kory for any of this, don’t you do it? /paraphrase

Yeah. So we’re there at that point now, and I reiterate once more for the court, like, hey, what if you just don’t? Y’know? Even if you’re looking at her dialogue in the above page I posted and are like, I’m feeling the urge, the urge to.....idk something that rhymes with urge but is bad I guess? Whatever. Just like. Don’t do it. Say nasty things about Kory because of this story three times in front of your computer and I will totally like, be conjured by that and crawl out of your screen all creepy girl from The Ring style. It will NOT be pretty. I am NOT meant to fit through there. I can NOT make it look good. You have been warned.

Okay so like, the reason I say none of this is on Kory even though I don’t make the same distinctions for the other Titans is threefold. No, lbr, its probably more on account of I can’t count and I’m always wrong about this shit. But let’s start with three.

1) The first thing we need to address is the fact that Dick WAS acting erratically and out of character through all of this time, even before what happened with Mirage. This was still in the near aftermath of Titans Hunt, and he was still reeling from that, and holding himself totally accountable. People who’ve followed me for awhile have probably seen me fixate on Titans Hunt before, but I honestly don’t think anyone who hasn’t read the full extent of comics from that storyline all the way through like....The New Titans #115 or so, like.....truly grasps the extent of just HOW much that single storyline affected Dick. He was at rock bottom because of it in a way that is probably only truly comparable with the Blockbuster storyline, but for even LONGER. Like the span of comics I referenced just now covers probably like....almost fifty issues. 

That’s fifty issues where Dick consistently brings up his failure to stop that and how much Joey and Charlie and Arella and everyone else’s deaths during that like, just weighs on him, and fucks with his confidence and just.....his overall sense of purpose and self. He WAS lost and aimless for a lot of that time. And he DID absolutely even recognize HIMSELF that it was affecting him. Like ten issues or so after the crashed wedding, when he’s on his own journey of self-discovery while looking for Kory in the Amazon (uh yeah, that’s a thing. I’ll get to that)....like, he acknowledges to himself that ever since the Titans Hunt he’s been getting crazier and more demanding (his words) and he doesn’t even recognize himself anymore...and he attributes all of that to not having come to terms with their deaths and his inability to prevent them. 

Now, notably, he DOESN’T ever at this time acknowledge that his behavior took an INCREASINGLY downward spiral ever since Mirage and specifically due to everyone blaming him for what he deep down felt wasn’t actually his fault but was losing conviction in. And quite frankly, even though he SAYS at this point he’s ready to move on from their losses, I don’t think that actually happened, but I’ll get back to both those things. First, the important point here, in terms of Kory, is that from her perspective, Dick had been increasingly unpredictable and not himself ever since the losses during Titans Hunt. Actually, given that she was the one who went with him to the Manor after Jason’s death and the only one who saw him come in and out and who thus knows the full extent of what transpired there - with this all happening not long before Titans Hunt - you could additionally say her awareness of that also has her almost prepared to expect the totally unexpected from Dick at this point.

Does that mean its right? No. But it does mean that its there.

2) Next. Kory was not actually offered the chance by the storyline to internalize what happened between Mirage and Dick from a stable, grounded headspace. Mirage KIDNAPPED Kory and replaced her before she slept with Dick. In the grand scheme of things, what happened to Kory specifically here is probably far from the worst thing that’s ever happened to her, but it couldn’t have been pleasant and I’m the first to yell NO TRAUMA OLYMPICS so in that spirit, fuck whether it was as bad as it COULD have been, and again, just acknowledge that it happened, and its reasonable and expected that it would have a negative effect on Kory. She was targeted and victimized by Mirage too. Not in the same way as Dick, but add that to the fact that unlike the other Titans, she was the one IN the relationship with Dick and thus the only one besides him that had a stake in what Mirage’s actions served as a catalyst for in that regard, like....she was not an impartial bystander to all this, and that needs to be considered. She was PART of it. It was her life that was hijacked by all this too.

3) Third.....it is extremely extremely EXTREMELY important here to acknowledge that Kory is herself a rape survivor. She has extensive trauma from her childhood in the Citadel, and that is bound to color her perceptions of what happened here, at least initially. I am 174% soooooo not here for vilifying another rape survivor in defense of a different rape survivor. Like, I’m just saying.....do not throw Kory under the bus for not acknowledging Dick’s trauma and trauma responses as a rape survivor in this story if you’re not also YOURSELF acknowledging Kory’s OWN trauma as a rape survivor.

This is key not because it says any opinions she had at this time don’t count, but rather that they simply don’t come from the same place as the VICTIM-BLAMING that is the central issue with others holding Dick accountable for his own rape. In Kory’s case, we have to consider the issue of projection. The ways in which her own experiences and how they’ve informed her DEFAULT perception of something that deeply affected her, might skew her initial reaction to experiences which share a LABEL, but not specific ELEMENTS.

What I mean here is both Kory and Dick, as of this point in time, are rape survivors. But they survived very very VERY different kinds of rape. Both were abundantly clear that they DID NOT WANT what happened to them, that they were not willing parties to what actually transpired....but what springs to Kory’s mind when someone says “I didn’t want the sex that happened” is understandably going to look VERY different from what Dick was describing when he said “I didn’t want the sex that happened.” So its not really all that unreasonable for Kory to hold those two things up in her head and say these are not the same, and from there jump to the unfortunate conclusion that Dick HAD wanted it on some level, else it would have looked more like her own experiences...especially because others around them were already voicing and affirming this opinion in various ways. 

Again, is this fair, or deserved? No. But I talk all the time with other characters and with Dick himself about how its just not reasonable to expect characters - especially ones with highly CHARGED emotions related to their own parallel experiences - to act from an unbiased state or POV and thus leap to the most ideal conclusion without at least first stumbling through some other ones. So with Kory, her own context with rape simply CAN NOT be divorced from the fact that recognizing the central issue of this later moment in time was that it was a rape. Her own experiences and the likely projection of them onto the moment at hand add a degree of context to conclusions she arrived at that other characters simply do not have....and thus, again, its not okay to paint her with the same brush as all those characters. And unless you’re already somehow making a distinction as to why her reaction is different from others despite superficially appearing the same......then like. You need to be. LOL. 

4) The other factor that’s important to consider here is that just like Kory was never offered the chance to RECEIVE information of what happened from a relatively grounded place and headspace....the stories never gave her any real time to think things through, process over time, and arrive at different conclusions from her earlier ones. Again, I talk all the time about how Dick’s experiences with the Titans pre-his time in Bludhaven were colored by multiple instances of brainwashing and his head being fucked with and being personally targeted and jerked around in a ton of ways? The same is true of Kory, and it needs to be given equal weight.

Their wedding was crashed by ‘the dark soul self’ of Raven - who they thought was dead - as she infected Kory with what she called a demon seed that was going to grow a new demon inside of her. Due to her possession, Kory spent weeks in a mental institutition, trying to overcome the entity inside her (with Dick sitting by her side and holding her hand through all of it, just FYI). When she finally did purge the entity from her, Kory took off and ended up in a village in the Amazon, with the ordeal having given her amnesia. Dick went after her, but he’d only just tracked her down when she took off again to foil an alien invasion using radio waves that she was uniquely suited to recognize due to being familiar with their tactics, but which pitted her against most of the rest of the world in like, the Ultimate Gaslighting Showdown as everyone kept telling her she was crazy (she was wearing a tinfoil hat to protect herself from the transmissions, the writers were deliberately not doing her any favors). 

Only after that was foiled did she regain her memories, and while off the page she agreed to meet with Dick to talk about their failed wedding and everything that happened afterward, as he’d returned from the Amazon by now, where he’d ultimately come to his own self-realizations about everything (or what we were told to accept were his realizations)....in the end she took off for Tamaran without meeting him, leaving him waiting where they’d agreed to rendezvous. Again, I say this not to vilify Kory, because I absolutely think she made the best choice for herself at the time, and should have, and I don’t think Dick has ever blamed her for that and tbh they both separately came to the same decisions about needing to be apart to recollect themselves and figure out who they were and where to go from here, like, without having to actually talk it out to arrive at the same point. I DO raise this point simply to put out there that in contrast to many other things I’ve seen said about the break up......they....never technically broke up?

Like I mean, don’t get me wrong. They DID. They both considered themselves broken up and eventually moved on with other people, Dick with Babs, and Kory with a general who she married back on New Tamaran before it was destroyed by the Sun Eater (again, Kory went through some SHIT after their break up. Dick wasn’t the only one.) But I just mean like.....it was LITERALLY the most mutual break-up that is possible for a break-up to be, because neither one of them ever actually communicated their intent to the other in order for them to both CLEARLY be on the same page. There was no “Dick called off the wedding” - that never actually happened, it was just....never revisited. There was no “Dick told her he no longer had feelings for her” - that was something that happened later, and yes, I’ll get to that too. OMG shut up me. But also shh I’m talking. 

But yeah like.....their break-up, despite being almost universally claimed as Dick’s choice and responsibility, with zero mention of Mirage’s role in it in any official accounting of it I’VE ever seen, and with Kory painted as being the victim of Dick’s wandering ways and not knowing what he wanted in the distant aftermath of their break-up, as it was said that due to being Tamaranean, she loved for life and thus would always be in love with Dick even though he after her return claimed he no longer loved her (like, I don’t blame Kory but I also don’t like takes that act like Dick DID all this to Kory somehow. Like that’s literally the entire point here, neither of them needs to be to blame or each other’s victim according to how the story ACTUALLY went).....

But yeah, despite all that.....it really was the most mutually arrived at decision ever, because neither one of them actually EVER EVEN SAID ‘WE NEED TO BREAK UP’ to the other. They both just....ended up there on their own. 

(And also because DC wanted them there in order to secure the rest of their push to put Nightwing solely back in the Batbooks for the next several years. With, don’t forget, this all coinciding with the government forcing him out of the Titans and putting Roy in charge and with this all culminating in Dick having his initial adventure in Bludhaven at Bruce’s ask, and then deciding to make that his new base of operations and kinda reinvent himself there, at the start of his solo title. Again, shout out to the myth of “Dick Grayson always runs from things because commitment issues” - not only did he NOT flee to Bludhaven because he just changed his mind about the wedding and said whoops sorry Kory, it wasn’t even his CHOICE to leave the Titans, even if eventually he agreed it was for the best right now. His ex went back to her home planet and he was asked to leave his team. Why the fuck WOULDN’T he go somewhere else?)

NEXT. (jfc he mumbled to himself under his breath. what the fuck did I start here).

Circling back around AGAIN, this time back to Dick’s STATED reasons for deciding things were over.

Two...umm, fuck it, ‘a number that is more than one’ things that need to be kept in mind HERE:

1) The most crucial bit of context when examining Dick’s journey of self-exploration in the Amazon while searching for Kory and what he comes to say and think about everything that’s happened and his own behavior....

Is that he is an EXTREMELY unreliable narrator at this point in time. Y’know how we talk about Dick having that tendency to take on more accountability than is actually earned and is way quicker to view himself as in need of apologizing than he is to view others needing to do that for him?

Yeah I mean, that’s a thing, I definitely have like a billion citations ready to go on a moment’s notice, but point is, being aware of that tendency means absolutely nothing if you don’t actively APPLY that awareness to Dick’s periods of self-reflection and like....compare and contrast what he THINKS about things he’s said or done with like....what he’s ACTUALLY said or done.

For instance, on the way to his so-called epiphanies about all this, he makes the claim that the entire time Kory was dealing with the demon entity inside of her, he was being so selfish because all he was doing was wishing she would wake up or be free of it so that she could help him with his problems instead. (And just for the record, I can provide actual panels for everything I reference in this post, I’m just limiting myself to a couple because I’m just trying to NOT beat War and Peace’s pagecount as it is. Will I succeed? No. Did I try? Yes.)

Now, Dick spending his time at his possessed fianceé’s side doing nothing but wishing she would snap out of it and focus on his problems instead.....is that selfish of him?

Well, yeah.

But is it TRUE?

I mean, you tell me:

This is right smack dab in the middle of that whole storyline, set only a few issues after the crashed wedding, and before Kory successfully evicts the demon entity and loses her memories. This is literally what Dick was ACTUALLY like the entire time. At the TIME, every single thing he said and did was focused on her.....the CLOSEST he came even in his internal monologue, to making it all about him, was him thinking about how this has shown him just how much he needs her.

Do people helping a loved one through something traumatic occasionally have selfish thoughts where their awareness of their own troubles momentarily supersedes their focus on their loved one? Yeah. Does this actually make them selfish if their ACTUAL focus and actions and words are aimed entirely at their loved ones the whole time, with no single actual detour to “hey, while you’re up, can we talk about me for a sec”?

Mmmmm....I feel like no, but I am open to you drawing other conclusions as long as you are aware that they are wrong and mine is right, kay. I mean okay, fine. You can disagree with me here but I’m still gonna disagree about your disagreement there and its just gonna be this whole big thing and its like, ugh, whatever, y’know?

But hey, you do you.

ANYWAY, point is, unless you draw the wrong conclusion here in which case PTTTHB!, like, I think its safe to say Dick thinking in the midst of his self-awareness deep dive that he was being nothing but selfish during that whole story and thus didn’t deserve Kory, like....whether or not the writers are actually AWARE of it or not, I mean......that’s still a pretty good context clue that his internal monologues at this point in time are maybe a little bit skewed towards being more about accepting blame than reflecting reality, right? Yes, no, maybe so?

Well then again, if you agree with me, then add to that awareness the added bit of trivia that every single other one of Dick’s ‘ultimate realizations’ (he just wanted to get married because he thought it would bring stability to his life, it would help him grow up, hit one of those aforementioned milestones, etc)....like every single one of them.....was an opinion that was FIRST offered by one of the other Titans. 

Every. Single. One.

(Wanted to get married for the stability was something Donna said she thought was his reasoning, to the other original Titans. The bit about thinking it would help him grow up was unfortunately ALSO Donna, but said to Kory before the wedding when Kory asked if she thought this was a mistake and if she thought Dick had proposed for the right reasons. The milestones thing was said by either Roy, Garth or Wally, I honestly forget which, but it was when the three of them went out to discuss the pending government takeover of the team and how to break this to Dick with everything else going on).

And with not a SINGLE one of these opinions present in ANY of Dick’s internal monologues BEFORE the proposal, hinting that they were anywhere near being on his radar at THAT point.

So....which makes more narrative sense? That Dick ultimately just realized that everything he THOUGHT was motivating him when he proposed was NOT true and that it was only his friends that clued into his actual reasons, which he must have overheard at some point and internalized in order to have replicated said opinions in his thoughts so exactly? Again with ZERO mention alongside any of this, that peoples’ views of what happened with Mirage was at ALL a factor in his thinking?

Or.....does it maybe better track, that over the course of Dick repeatedly expressing that he didn’t know it wasn’t Kory, that he never wanted to cheat on her, that he loved her and only her and would never knowingly do that....with NO ONE budging and everyone from Kory to all of his best friends acting like his adulterous guilt was an over and done with conclusion and they’d already long since moved on to the point of how willing or not they were to forgive him, based on everything else he’d been going through.....and with Dick thinking that how remorseful he appeared to be and how willing to ACCEPT accountability was likely to play a part in how much people were willing to look past all his recent fuck-ups here.......

Does it maaaaaaaybe actually make a little bit more sense that Dick’s total 180 into taking full responsibility and coming up with all these rationalizations for his actions that essentially just mimic theories everyone else had for his behavior has more to do with his deeply internalized acceptance that nobody was listening to his side of the story or what he was actually trying to say (without even real SELF awareness at the time that what he was feeling wasn’t just ‘I’m innocent of what you’re accusing me of’ but ‘I was violated and used’)?

That it was more about him finding ways to justify to himself getting on the same page everyone else ALREADY seemed to be on in regards to him and his recent behavior, as that seemed to be the only way to move forward, that he was tired of fighting everybody and feeling like he was in the wrong for it so honestly, maybe they were right?

Because from there.....

Its only a veeeeeery short hop, skip and a jump from “well I guess I DID do what they say and I SHOULD have known it wasn’t Kory”.....to.....”since the only thing I kept clinging to for how I couldn’t know was my insistence that I truly loved Kory, and it turns out that I still SHOULD have known anyway......doesn’t that mean that I didn’t really love Kory the way I thought I did? Or as much as I thought I did?”

“Did I never really love Kory as much as she deserved?”

Cuz uh, remember earlier when I talked about it being significant that Dick never ACTUALLY claimed during this time that he didn’t love Kory anymore or fell out of love with her or anything like that, but rather that his precise claim was “I didn’t love her AS MUCH AS SHE DESERVED”?

Aka.....”enough that I would have known it wasn’t actually Kory that I was with?”

Yeah. Uh, that. That’s the significance there. Yeah. So....

2) Now as to something else to keep in mind in regards to Dick’s eventual ‘self-realizations’ - this calls back to when I said earlier that Dick WAS acting erratically during this time, stemming all the way back to the Titans Hunt aftermath. He was overly aggressive, he was ready to fight anyone at a moment’s notice, he was tunnel-visioned.....in short, he was actually quite a lot how the fanon interpretations of his temper I rage about usually depict him. But the key thing here, and the reason why I wouldn’t have a problem with people drawing references from THIS time when talking about him behaving this way.....

Is that much like when Dick was behaving erratically during the Brother Blood storyline, it was with NARRATIVE INTENT.

There, Dick’s behavior led to the reveal that he was lashing out because he was fighting the Church of Blood’s mental conditioning. Here, Dick’s behavior is directly tied to his downward spiral resulting from the trauma of Titans Hunt and his guilt from that.

In both cases, I’d have zero issue with people referencing specific instances of this behavior....

As long as they ALSO reference and acknowledge the specific narrative context that was directly CONNECTED to that behavior. Its not about whether or not it excuses any specific thing he does, its about the fact that while these behaviors did happen, they shouldn’t be depicted as indicative of his OVERALL characterization, because they were specifically and deliberately written into his actions WITH INTENT by the writers, who were trying to use his DELIBERATELY out of the ordinary behavior to arrive at some narrative point or conclusion.

And here, for Dick, that was the eventual realization that he’d never fully dealt with his feelings about the losses during the Titans Hunt.

I don’t like how he acts in a lot of the issues around this time. Its ugly. But its MEANT to be ugly. I don’t like Dick’s fight with Roy when he tells him about taking over leadership because of the government’s interference. I don’t like it AT ALL. 

But what I DO like is how the very next page after the fight, after Donna follows Dick out of the room, Dick turns around and acknowledges how out of control he’d just been and said he felt it proved that everyone was right, things HAD gotten to him more than he’d realized or admitted to himself, and it probably was a sign he needed to take a step back, and besides, Kory needed him more than the team did right now anyway.

THAT’S one of the core things I like about Dick Grayson, that almost without exception, his worst actions or behaviors are almost immediately followed by his realization of this and a tangible action or change in his actions to address it. That’s not something every character can claim - in fact, its unfortunately pretty damn rare.

But here’s the problem with that, in this specific scenario:

Dick WAS spiraling, he DID act out in ways he was right to be called out on and to feel guilt about, and there WAS basis for him acknowledging that there was stuff he needed to address in his life and his head, and to take responsibility for.

Thing is though, nobody else at any point ever stood up to point to where in his willingness to hold himself accountable for his mistakes and try and do better in regards to his friends and teammates and overall relationships....

He additionally took on guilt that WASN’T deserved. Because the other Titans were the ones who in their overall rush to judgment about his behavior and the reasons why.....still erroneously lumped in with the rest, their conclusion as to how the situation with Mirage should be viewed.

And frankly, though this doesn’t make them look good, there’s plenty of places you can go with that which don’t make them heartless monsters either. They were wrong, not to listen to him about Mirage, and I maintain that this tangibly WORSENED his already existing downward spiral from Titans Hunt, because that was already stuff he really could have benefited from support for the others from....and then this other thing happened that he additionally really needed support about, rather than blame.

Problem is, the overall impression given off by the other Titans was that they thought they already WERE doing their best to be supportive, by being so willing to look PAST ‘what Dick had done with Mirage’ and FORGIVE Dick for that, make allowances for why it and other decisions they didn’t agree with, like his rush to marriage, might make sense based on what they were attributing as the reason for his out of character behavior....the fallout from Titans Hunt...but ONLY that.

Like to be clear, I’m aware that there is a flip side of things in fanon, where some stans overcorrect on Dick’s behalf and act like the Titans all universally slut-shamed Dick and were terrible to him. No. That’s not what happened either. There was ONE slut-shaming Titan and ONLY one....and that was Pantha, who to be frank, like.....she was literally written to be the button pusher in regards to everyone. She likely would have said the same thing no matter who was in that situation, because she honestly didn’t care, she was just interested in making the cheap jokes at their expense.

The other Titans though did not adopt a slut-shaming stance against Dick...just a victim-blaming one. Which makes some things better, but some things worse IMO.

Its easier to understand how they could have all fallen into this trap despite all being seasoned heroes who should have known better than to view these specific events the way they did....if you consider that their fatal flaw here was ironically that they were SO quick to try and find a reason that Dick might have done this that they felt they could forgive....that they never actually thought things through long enough to recognize how quick on the draw they’d been in their reactions. And then they failed to listen to Dick’s side of things because they’d kinda convinced themselves that they were ALREADY doing him a favor and hearing him out by having decided to look past what he’d done and make allowances for it....and so they kinda filtered everything he was saying through a lens of like...waiting for him to catch up to what they’d already decided had happened and onto the part where he did the Dick Grayson thing and apologized and accepted responsibility for it....at which point they, as his friends, would be honestly able to say “already forgiven, dude.”

You could additionally factor in the idea that their very respect for his capabilities and high opinion of his overall ‘on the ball-ness’ made what had happened easy to view as something that’d just slipped past his radar, a rare oversight that again, he could be forgiven for, rather than what it was....again, something that he should never have been expected to ‘catch’ in the first place, any more than they would have been.

Either way, the real problem was always just that they failed to support him in the ways he actually needed, because they were already busy forgiving him for things he didn’t actually need forgiveness for because they were never his to accept blame for in the first place. But then BECAUSE Dick was already primed to accept the blame for what he WAS right to accept responsibility for, he overextended and took on everything that was held against him, rather than first differentiating between where a mea culpa both was and WAS NOT due.

No matter how you slice it, the Titans WERE wrong on this front, and Dick absolutely DOES have canon grounds to nurse some bitterness and resentment about, towards them. Again, with a lot of ways that can be approached. Personally, when I think about fics tackling this subject, my big want is always gonna be like.....confrontation fics? Like that’s what I’ve always really wanted to see here....like there’s a lot of obviously valid catharsis to be had in fics that have someone walk Dick through what a more objective view of what happened back then and let him finally unburden himself of all that unearned guilt there...BUT all the focus there is typically on that realization of the truth for DICK, that like....there’s almost never any follow-up where that realization is further pursued and extended to the relevant Titans? And tbh, I’ve always viewed that as the far greater ‘crime’ this story executed in regards to Dick’s character....not an overall obliviousness to his own victimization, period, but the fact that he was basically pushed into ACCEPTING a culpable view of events when actually, he’d always KNOWN on some level that it wasn’t really his fault and he had every reason to feel repulsed and angry and violated.

Like, I do obviously view Dick as someone with a large degree of self-awareness, in no small part due to how often he DOES do these introspective deep dives and reflect on events and actions and behaviors, and even though I understand the viewpoint that things look different when applied to yourself than to others, I do think its perfectly likely that Dick would at some point come to his own realization about what had actually happened with Mirage and why he’d initially felt the way he did about it. Maybe not before the events with Tarantula, but in the aftermath? I think he absolutely would connect certain things then, even if just because of how FAMILIAR everything felt to that earlier time post-Titans Hunt. The Blockbuster arc was like, the most rock bottom Dick had ever been SINCE that point, and various similarities could have definitely been pinging all over for him....the losses he suffered reminding him of his guilt for the fallen Titans, the end of Dick and Babs’ relationship, while based on more reasons than just Tarantula kissing Dick, like, still including that as a reason and so thus bearing an uncomfortable similarity to the last time he was held accountable for his rapist and now eventual rapist’s actions, etc.

And I do think that Dick having some realizations of his own post-Blockbuster could explain a LOT about his later interactions with the Titans, who I honestly don’t think he was ever quite as close to again?

Which makes a ton of sense if you view the 1999 series, and how difficult it was for them to get Dick to join up, and how he was plenty ready to leave at any point...like, that makes a TON of sense if you consider that Dick might have at this point been quietly nursing hurt of his own that everyone was so eager and willing to let bygones be bygones and ‘forgive’ his mistakes of the past, that nobody still had ever realized what he’d had to realize all on his own....that THEY all had a perception of events and like, their friendships, that included forgiving Dick for a betrayal that Dick NEVER ACTUALLY ENACTED. Where its like, thanks, but I didn’t actually need that, what I needed was someone to listen to me. But at the same time its totally understandable why he wouldn’t ever want to bring that up himself....because he’d already TRIED expressing himself on this matter years before, and been shot down, and its totally reasonable that he worried history would just repeat there rather than bring him the closure he WANTED on that front. But again....the distance he keeps a lot of the Titans at after his return to the team pairs pretty damn well with him being both quietly resentful of forgiveness he never needed and wondering when it was everyone else’s turn to accept the accountability for wrongs done that everyone was always so quick to demand from him....as well as why the last thing in the world he’d want to do is bring this all up again himself.

Similarly, this is why I think he always expressed to Kory, ever since her return to Earth, that he wasn’t in love with her anymore.....I don’t think its necessarily true that his feelings ever fully went away, and I also don’t think he’d bear the same resentments towards her that he did the others, even though Kory too ‘forgave’ him for something he never needed absolution for. Because I think at the same time, he’s more aware than most of Kory’s own history, and he has too much empathy for what all that likely stirred up for her at the time as well as his awareness that she really did love him and always had and that she’d mourned their relationship just as much as he had. 

So I truly don’t think Dick blames her, in ways that can’t be said of the others, and I don’t think it was truly that he didn’t love her anymore, or that there was no longer anything there....I think he always just said that in order to protect himself, because he was still hurting from everything that had happened back then and how everyone had always painted it as his fault ever since, and his own traumas had only compounded those very specific feelings with later events like Tarantula and her impact on his life, and its just like......I think if it ever came out via someone else re-raising the issue, Dick would be like okay, yes, absolutely let’s finally talk about this....but I totally understand why Dick would never want to re-raise it himself because....he definitely did TRY to express his violation way back when. Why should he be the one to have to essentially.....retry his own case with his friends in order to finally get the verdict he should have had all along, y’know? 

Its one thing to get that its probably never going to happen without initiating it himself, but its another thing for that to get you past the hump of just not wanting to relive some of your worst moments when your best friends not believing in you or being so willing to believe something about you in some ways did just as much damage to you as the actual initial violation.

But again, all that said, I would absolutely like, rob the Louvre (Okay I’d also rob the Louvre just for money but like. You get it) for stories where one of the Titans has an ‘oh shit’ realization about everything with Mirage years later. And they tentatively try and bring it up with Dick in the hopes of ‘fixing things’ by correcting the damage they’d done when making him feel it was his to accept blame on.....and for Dick to just be like. “Yeah, uh, I was there. I figured all that out a long time ago, I just didn’t see the point in trying to convince everybody twice.” And them like....being like oh crap we have to figure out a way to make things right, like all this time we’ve thought things were kinda broken between us because of what Dick did but actually it was the other way around and about Dick’s feelings about what WE did.

Okay now like....don’t laugh but I’m literally still not done, because I had this whole other thing about how now we needed to finally talk about the Zitka in the room, which is that IMO its always been kinda backwards to view Tarantula as the focal point of Dick’s traumas here and what happened with Mirage as some kind of footnote kinda....personally I think it should be the other way around. That its Mirage that weighs on Dick the most because what she did was premeditated where with Catalina it was a crime of opportunity. With Miriam though, it was always going to happen no matter what, because it only happened because she MADE it happen. She like....stalked Dick pretty much from the time of her arrival in this timeline (or at least how that initially was viewed - the timeline thing, not the stalking thing. Forget it. Weird story is weird. Doesn’t matter). But like....Mirage went after Dick with intent. She knew exactly what she was doing, and she was willing to do whatever to make it happen, up to and including kidnapping Dick’s actual girlfriend and taking her place.

With Tarantula, like, she was more than quick to seize on the first opportunity to make it happen, but like...that’s still a different thing IMO from like...KNOWING that someone literally plotted out and premeditated one of the most disruptive traumas of your life without any care for what it would DO to your life, and you later carrying all the blame for that in everyone else’s eyes without anyone ever acknowledging what it did to YOU....even though MULTIPLE people know and its even affected your overall reputation. With Tarantula....I think that trauma absolutely compounded everything else that happened with Blockbuster but it was hardly limited to just that, but again with Mirage....that one specific act pretty much derailed the entire course of Dick’s life at the time. Because again....while you could absolutely claim that there are other issues Dick and Kory might have broken up because of later, even without Mirage’s actions, like....you have to MAKE the case for those reasons. You can’t just attribute their breakup to rushing into marriage, when again....Mirage was the literal catalyst for Dick proposing when he did.

Which again, to bring it all back to the start.....that’s why it will forever make me channel Gar Logan and turn into a green-hued screeching howler monkey every time people are like I absolutely agree that its not okay to blame Dick for his own rape at Mirage’s hands....but then turn around and be like okay, but Dick and Kory did break up because Dick rushed them into marriage before they were ready.

Cuz.

Like.

THEY’RE THE EXACT SAME THING!

The one is just the other but described from a different vantage point.

faslkfhaklfhaklfhkalfha

I get if people didn’t know that before now, but please please please can we like....push back against the misinformation on this particular topic because omggggg is it unpleasant to repeatedly hear people contradict themselves in the same paragraphs half the time because they literally don’t know that they’re talking about the same events in both cases.

Believe it or not, I actually had a lot more about Mirage and about other ways things could have gone differently for Dick and Kory if he’d had even just a little more support from someone else at the time, whether from Bruce or even just one of the Titans, like all it would have taken was just ONE person to try and view things from Dick’s perspective and be like okay everyone hold up, some bad fucking conclusions have been arrived at here.

BUT I am tired and this is long and literally just...whatever. I’ll do that some other time. LOL. And I bounce.

[galene-gothic]

Again thanks for being kind enough and allowing me to change my question 😂💗

My initials is SS

I actually I have two questions in my mind and I'd for u to pick the one u feel comfortable with or connected with ✨

1:how relationship with EM would be like?

2: EM's first impression of me if we ever met?

Have a blessed day / night <3

⅄ ◌ 🐏 ˖ Cupid's arrow ♡

Cards: the ten of pentacles (reversed) – the two of wands (reversed) – the four of wands.

The relationship is going to be pretty unconventional to begin with, I wouldn't be surprised if you start as friends with benefits. I'm getting others not being happy with the both of you dating. You might get accused of dating them for money. You might also get accused of being disloyal. Dating this person could probably mean going against your family or something like that. The backlash you'll be receiving will be so crazy that you will be in a very unstable place. I'm getting your financial status and family life being exposed to the public by one of the haters. Your person might have rushed into a relationship with you without thinking about the circumstances. I'm getting that at some point this person will feel like they have to choose between keeping their career and keeping you. However, this person will be too attached to you to let you go but they definitely cannot just give up on their career either so they'll be acting really indecisive. They might kind of unintentionally treat you like shit because they're trying to play it safe. I'm getting a staged breakup and then the both of you not being able to meet as often so that you aren't seen by anyone. This person might come off really aloof and the both of you might not communicate as much after all the trouble that they put you through 😍. You will eventually get tired, I'm getting you not even asking for answers anymore. You'll just be spending a lot of time inside and by yourself. You'll not be open to seeing new people either for that certain period of time. I'm getting a sense of anger, disappointment and hurt from your side, you will feel really upset at the way your person handled things. You might move to some other place. It's like when you haven't contacted them for a long time because they kind of didn't contact you either, they show up to your house and boom you're not there anymore. You will have probably blocked this person on almost every platform, I'm getting you keeping atleast one way for them to reach to you open because you still care about them and want them in your life. The both of you will eventually get back together after they reach out to you and you act upset multiple times. I'm getting you giving them a lot of passive aggressive treatment when they finally do reach out. The relationship will definitely get more serious after that. The both of you will finally feel comforted and secure by each other's side after everything has passed. Oh yeah, the people who make malicious comments against you might get sued.

⅄ ◌ 🐏 ˖ Your personality ♡

Cards: the magician – the six of swords – the eight of wands (reversed).

You might believe in manifestation or are just unintentionally really good at it. You have something extremely authentic about you. You are the type of person who has a lot of faith in their dreams and manages to achieve them due to your ability to manipulate reality. You are good at manipulating people as well. You're probably really resourceful. "I have to make my daydreams come true" energy. You have good communication skills and have the ability to make your dreams come true. Do you have an attachment to water bodies or perhaps are you scared of them? You tend to analyze everything. You have a fine balance between rationality and emotions. You might view things very objectively, from all different perspectives. You might also be going through personality changes right now. I'm getting you being the type to take action. You might get annoyed when things get delayed like really annoyed. You might have slow movements but might be pretty impulsive.

Thank you for participating <3

[ateezthings]

ATEEZ Reaction: Forced breakup with S/O + admitting their insecurities

@hongjoongscftie said: “Hey :) first thing,I hope you're having an amazing day! And secondly,could I maybe request an ateez reaction? I was thinking of the ateez members being insecure about something on themselves (like voice,looks,etc) and reader is telling them that there's nothing to worry about,and that they love them just how they are,and that they always will be there for ateez,but a week later the management is forcing reader to break up with their boyfriend,because it could affect their career,and as they are packing their things (member) walks in? I don't know if this made sense,and I'm sorry for my bad english 🥺”

I hope this is what you had in mind 😊 (Also please normalize dudes talking about insecurities)

 Genderneutral

Angst, Fluffy moments

Pairings: You x each member

Warnings: language, breakups, topics of body image, insecurities, crying (San’s part is the most heartbreaking)

Word count: 3.2K

 Songs, that convey the feeling I was going for:

     Twocolors – Lovefool

     Lauv – The Other

     Young Lions – You Are II

     One Republic – Didn’t I

     Halsey - Sorry

*~Seonghwa~*

“Do you like my voice?”

It was late. Seonghwa and you were in bed, about to fall asleep.

“Hm? Yeah, sure Hwa, there’s a reason you sell so many albums.”

“That’s not what I asked, I wanted to know if you like my voice.”

Now you sat up, he really was unsure of this. “Seonghwa, I love your voice… You don’t know this but whenever you’re gone over night, I listen to your demos to hear you sing because it helps me fall asleep.”

That statement conjured a shy smile on his face. “I love you Y/N” He pressed a kiss on your forehead.

…

“No no no… don’t leave me Y/N, please, don’t.”

After the very stern talk with their manager, you had no choice but to pack your bags. Halfway through packing, Seonghwa barged in, a panicked look in his eyes, worried when he saw your tear-stained face.

“We can talk about this… just please, don’t go like this” While begging you to stay he took your clothes out of the bag.

“Mr. Kim made it quite clear that I should leave if I don’t want to ruin your career… I don’t think we have a choice Seonghwa”

“We do, I’ll talk to him, we can be together... maybe we’ll have to stay quiet for a few months, but I can’t lose you, I love you so much and I don’t think I could live without you now, so tell me you really would be okay with leaving, because I don’t think you are” He spoke so fast, you had trouble understanding him.

A new wave of tears rolled down your cheeks as you slowly approached him. “I’m not, I’m not okay with leaving you because I need you too.”

He opened his arms to hug you. Feeling his heartbeat next to your ear calmed you down.

 *~Hongjoong~*

“Ugh, I need to train more” He mumbled when he saw himself in the mirror.

“What did you say?” You knew from your own experience that insecurities could consume your whole thinking, so you wanted to prevent that from happening to your boyfriend.

“I just wish I had bigger arms, I look like a weakling next to the other guys.”

“No… no you don’t, you look perfect to me, you know I love you the way you are… Please don’t think about it too much, Joong.”

“Baby, I love you too, thank you” He put an arm around you shoulder and pressed a kiss on your forehead.

…

You didn’t remember the walk home after the talk with Ateez’ manager. You couldn’t leave him. Hongjoong was the first serious relationship you had in quite a long time; you couldn’t give him up. But you couldn’t lie, talking to their manager intimidated you a lot. You didn’t know what would happen if you didn’t comply, and you didn’t want to find out.

You were still in a state of shock when Hongjoong arrived.

“Y/N? Are you home?” He practically ran to the bedroom where you were.

“Please Y/N, I’m sorry I didn’t know they’d do this” He helped you sit up on the bed and crouched down in front of you. You still couldn’t talk.

“Babe, please talk to me.”

Finally, you looked at him. “I don’t know… I don’t know what to do… I don’t want to leave, but I also don’t want to be the reason for your problems… Please tell me what to do.”

“I don’t want you to leave me” There was genuine worry in his eyes. “I really don’t know what I’d do without you… and I think we’ll find a way to deal with them.”

At the moment, you really needed him to be optimistic for the both of you. Slowly, you cupped his face with your hands, you never wanted to forget his face. “I’ll stay with you.”

 *~Yunho~*

“Y/N, can I talk to you about something?”

“Always, babe, what’s going on?”

You two were cuddling in his bed after a long and stressful day.

“Do you think I should get a six pack?” When you looked at him, he was biting his lip.

“Where is this coming from?” You knew he needed to be in shape to be an idol, but he was, there was nothing you’d change about him.

He still didn’t look at you “I just… Sometimes when we have dance rehearsal, I feel stupid standing next to San, we’re both dancers but his abs are amazing, he’s been working so hard, and it’s really paid off… we gained a lot of fans through him…”

“Alright listen to me Yunho:  If there are fans that are only here for your look, that’s pretty shallow, of course it’s nice to look at pretty people but your message and the songs and your energy is much more important… You are in shape, you’re a main dancer, rationally I don’t think you need to change anything if you’re happy with yourself… and if you’d like to know… I like your soft tummy; I wouldn’t change a thing about you… I love you.”

He finally looked at you, his eyes sparkling, slowly breaking into a smile “I love you too, baby, what would I do without you?”

…

Tears were running down your cheeks, blurring your vision while you were trying to put your clothes into a bag. A friend had offered you could stay with him for a few weeks after Ateez’ manager told you, you needed to leave Yunho. You couldn’t believe it. They didn’t leave you a choice, either you’d leave voluntarily, or they’d have to take more serious measures.

You hadn’t talked to Yunho, but you figured their manager did. You didn’t want to make it harder than it already was. Leaving without a trace would be the best.

Suddenly you heard the door open, no, you couldn’t deal with him now.

“Y/N?” It sounded like he was out of breath once he arrived at the bedroom where you were.

“Y/N? please don’t do this.” His eyes were wide open.

“What choice do I have? You don’t need me to ruin your career.”

“I don’t care about that; I care about you… I can’t live without you, please” He moved closer to take your hands into his. His eyes stared into yours, you could almost see his pain.

You let yourself fall into his arms, letting the tears flow “I love you, Yunho… I don’t wanna go.”

He held you close to him, running his hands through your hair “Then stay.”

 *~Yeosang~*

“Hi, baby… I’ve missed you today.”

Yeosang had just come home from work. You greeted him with a big hug. He buried his head in your neck and you could feel him shifting some of his weight onto you.

“Are you okay, Yeo?”

You could hear him breath deeply. “Actually, no, I feel like shit… Remember how we were recording our new song today?”

“Yeah, the one you practiced really hard for.”

“Yeah that. And I totally messed it up… I couldn’t get this one melody right and they were all telling me how I was supposed to sing it, but I didn’t get it right, so I have to go back there tomorrow.”

The way he looked at you reminded you of a hurt puppy, your heart burst inside. So, you pulled him into a hug again. “I’m so sorry, Yeo, that must’ve felt horrible… but I think everyone has bad days sometimes.”

“But it’s made me really insecure of my singing now… I don’t know how I’ll shake that off…”

“It’s okay to doubt yourself sometimes Yeosang, but don’t forget that you’re a professional singer, you have a great voice, so many people love your voice, including me, and you will be able to nail it eventually, you just had an off day, and that’s totally okay… You know there’s probably days were even Beyonce can’t hit the right notes, so don’t worry too much.”

He chuckled a little at your remark and finally looked up at you again to press a kiss on your cheek. “Thank you, love.”

“Now relax and let me take your mind off that.”

…

“Yeosang, I’m sorry, they left me no choice but to leave…” The tears were streaming down your cheeks, you had given up on trying to hold them back a long time ago. Yeosang however, still hadn’t said a word since he came home to you packing your bags. He just stood in the doorframe to the bedroom.

“I’m not going to stand in the way of you and your career, I know how important it is to you, so I guess… I guess this is good-goodbye…” Your voice was dangerously unsteady.

“Aren’t you going to say anything?” You tried to wipe your nose on the sleeves of your hoodie when he handed you a tissue.

Slowly he walked over to you and took you into his arms. You could feel his heartbeat.

“Please, don’t go now…” His voice was only a whisper. “Y/N… don’t you love me anymore?”

In between soft cries you managed to utter a response. “I do lo-love you… but is that enough?”

You looked up at him. You could tell he feared what was to come.

“It is enough for me… I love you so much Y/N, promise you won’t ever leave without talking to me first?”

“I promise” The kiss that followed tasted like salty tears, but it solidified the love you had for Yeosang.

 *~San~*

“San, are you alright? You seem distant.”

“Huh? Yeah, I’m fine”

You two were having dinner at your favorite restaurant, but he hadn’t spoken much. Usually, he’d tell you how his day went, but not today.

“Are you sure?”

“Alright, no… I feel under pressure because I need to maintain my abs. Now that I’ve showed them, I feel like everyone expects me to be the muscular guy now… but you know that’s not natural for me.”

You felt for him. He worked so hard but now it was getting too much.

“San, you don’t need to prove yourself to anyone… It’s fine if your abs are not visible all the time… You need to take care of yourself… mentally… and I love you with or without abs if that helps.”

He softly put his hand on yours. “It does help.”

…

His management knew you two had been dating for only a few months, but it was getting serious. And they disregarded that. Being forced to breakup never even entered your mind, so it came as quite the shock to you when Mr. Kim, Ateez’ manager, revealed that you indeed had to break up with San.

At home you were halfheartedly putting your clothes in suitcases, but it felt surreal. Like a nightmare.

You had gotten so used to living with San and to think that it was all over now, because you needed to protect his career made your eyes fill with tears.

When the first tear hit the floor, you heard the door open. San stood next to you just a moment later. He himself had red swollen eyes, you assumed he had been crying too.

“Y/N, please don’t tell me you’re actually thinking about leaving me?”

“What choice do we have?” Your tears threatened to spill again.

“I-I don’t know right now, Y/N, but I’ll figure something- we will figure something out, please don’t do this right now, I can’t have you leave me, please.” The more he spoke, the faster and the more panicked his tone got, his eyes opened wide. His hands gripped your arms on each side. You assumed it took a lot out of him not to shake you.

“San, I don’t think that’s a- a possibility anymore… Mr. Kim, he sounded so serious…”

Suddenly he let go of you and took a step back. “Do you- do you want to go?”

You didn’t know what you wanted anymore. It was late and you were drained. Apparently, you hesitated a little too long for San’s liking because he turned around, headed for the door.

“No, San, don’t leave, please, I don’t-” But he was already out the door.

Had you not felt broken-down, you might have followed him out the door, but not like this. You collapsed to your knees and let the tears wash the little composure that was left, away.

 *~Mingi~*

“Wow, Y/N, you look gorgeous.”

Mingi entered your shared bedroom while you were putting on some makeup.

“Thanks, baby”

He walked behind you to look at the mirror. A few moments passed when you realized he was staring at his own reflection.

“What are you thinking?”

He took a deep breath before answering. “I’m wondering if my face is handsome enough.”

That was it, you weren’t having him doubting himself. You turned to look straight into his eyes. “Listen to me, your face is so unusually handsome, I’m still amazed whenever I look at you… your eyes are so warm, they’re my favorite feature of yours… also your face is doing a pretty good job at keeping your eyes, nose and lips in place, so you really shouldn’t complain” You had hoped a little humor would take his mind off his insecurity.

He chuckled. “That’s why we’re in a relationship, you always talk me out of bad moments… thank you baby.”

…

Mingi was already home when you got there. For a while you just looked at each other, neither of you knowing what to say.

“Hi…”

“Y/N, I didn’t know they want us to break up, I’m sorry, I’m going to talk to them.”

You couldn’t help but hug him. He was your safe place. “I don’t want us to breakup, Mingi… I can’t lose you” The thought of not having him in your life drew tears in your eyes, it was too painful.

“Shh shh, you’re not going to lose me… I won’t let that happen.” He tried to calm you down by caressing your hair. “We’ll find a way” He whispered, more to himself than to you.

 *~Wooyoung~*

It was very early in the morning. Wooyoung was already getting dressed while you were having trouble to get out of bed.

“Babe, do you think my thighs are too big? I feel like my jeans are getting tighter…”

Once you opened your eyes you saw Wooyoung trying to squeeze his fabulous thighs into some jeans, he wasn’t wearing a shirt.

You slowly got out of bed, not taking your eyes off him.

“Clothes can always be altered… and I love your thighs… they’re really… hot” You blushed a little.

“Is that so?”

He tucked a strand of hair behind your ear and kissed you.

…

Why did you have so many clothes? All the tears blurred your vision and whenever you put five shirts in your suitcase another ten were behind that, it was frustrating.

You tried to focus on the simple task of packing, trying hard not to think about the whole situation. You couldn’t believe they expected you to leave Wooyoung. You loved him, and he loved you. And that was supposed to not matter at all?

When you were done, you just sat on the bed. You were worn-out from crying so much.

You didn’t even hear him enter the apartment. Suddenly Wooyoung stood in front of you in the bedroom.

“I came as soon as I heard… I’m sorry babe… you don’t deserve all this shit.” He helped you stand up and took you into his arms.

“I’m just tired, Woo.”

His response was to hold you closer to his chest. “I know… we can go to bed.”

A few minutes later you were lying in his arm about to drift off to sleep, leaving your troubles behind.

“Y/N?”

“Hm?”

“I just have one question.”

“What is it?”

You could hear him inhale deeply.

“Would you- Are you considering leaving me?”

You didn’t think he’d be thinking about that. “Wooyoung, I love you; I will never leave you… I thought you knew that…”

He pressed a short kiss in your hair. “I just needed to hear that… I love you so much, little one.”

  *~Jongho~*

“Baby, do you think my butt is too big?”

You were just about to leave for work when you saw him standing in front of the mirror in the bedroom.

“Hu- wh-what?” You took a few steps towards him to give his booty a little slap.

“Jong, booties can never be too big” You smirked at him. “I love your cute little butt… and I love you… so stop being insecure about it” You pressed a kiss on his cheek. He blushed.

…

After your meeting with a KQ executive, you couldn’t think straight. They told you, you needed to leave Jongho as soon as possible because of his career.

Somehow you made it back home where you collapsed into your tears. After a few minutes you mustered up enough courage to pack your bags.

You left the apartment with two suitcases dragging behind you. You had almost made it to the end of the street when you saw him running towards you. “Y/N wait!”

When he finally stood in front of you, he was quite out of breath. Looking at him drew more tears into your eyes. You had trouble holding them back “Jongho, we don’t have a choice, I need to do this, I can’t keep hurting you more.”

“No, please, I love you, this is hurting me more than my career ever could… please don’t leave me, we’ll find a way to fix this.”

He held one of your hands in his two big hands, his eyes opened wide.

You really weren’t sure if you could hide your relationship from his agency and the fans. You were so unsure of the whole situation, but you knew you loved him.

After a few moments of silence, you kissed him with all your passion.

“I do love you Jong, but this is going to be really hard, so I need you to help me when I doubt myself, when I doubt us.”

“I will, I won’t let you go again.”

[dropssofjupitter]

Of Pride and Promises - P. 2

Pairing: Draco Malfoy x Reader 

Summary: It has been a mere three weeks since your breakup with Draco Malfoy. Though your feelings haven’t changed, circumstances have. 

Word Count: 2.1 k 

Warnings: Angst-ish(?), swearing, sectumsempra, fist-fights, blood (minor?), aftermath of a breakup 

Requested? - Yes

Masterlist          Part One

A/N: For the lovely nonnie that requested it! I hope you like it! (I’m not exactly happy with it but hey, something is something!) [This work has not been beta read. Any mistakes are mine and mine alone] 

Edit:  I would also like to announce that I am looking for one, possibly two, beta readers! If you are interested please let me know!

Loving Draco Malfoy was like wading through quicksand. The more you resisted, the stronger the pull. Until eventually, you were pulled under. 

That’s what it had been like for you. That’s what it had felt like. You were suffocated and sedated until you couldn’t think straight, until you couldn’t see straight. Your hands were no longer your own, your magic was merely an extension of his. Everything that you owned, was his to use. 

Until you broke free. And then suddenly you could breathe. You felt lighter, you felt happier. You felt like you were more. But every time you saw him in the halls, every time you passed him in the Great hall, every time you so much as glanced in his direction, an intense wave of hurt and pain swept through you. 

And Draco only seemed to be getting worse. Dark circles clung to his eyes like forgotten friends, his cheeks had sunken in, and his skin was a brand new shade of waxy white. He looked sickly, often reminding you of the Victorian children that haunted the paintings in the Slytherin common room. You were no fool. You knew that although the breakup may have been hard on him, it was nowhere near the severity of whatever threatened him now. 

“Merlin, is that Katie Bell?” Pansy whispered to you, her chin propped up on her hands as she shamelessly stared at the girl who had just entered the Great Hall. “She looks like shite,” she said with a laugh, dragging her gaze back towards you. 

“Yeah Pans,” you replied, stabbing your fork into one of the many potatoes that lay on your plate. “Being cursed will do that to you.” 

The girl groaned, paying no mind to your snarky comment as she sat back in her seat, arms crossed over her chest. “And there goes Saint Potter, probably trying to be first in line to the pity parade and get all the sympathy points.” 

You sighed and rolled your eyes, chancing a look over your shoulder at the scene unraveling in the middle of the Hall. You had to hand it to Pansy, she had nailed Katie’s description perfectly. The girl looked almost as haggard as Draco did. 

You watched uninterested as Harry no doubt grilled the poor girl about the happenings of her curse, your hand perched under your chin. You were about to turn back to your food and to Pansy, who had not stopped talking to you apparently, when your eyes caught on Draco’s form. 

He seemed frozen in place at the entrance to the Hall, unmoving as he looked at Harry and Katie in what appeared to be mute horror. He locked eyes with Potter and turned around, quickly making his way out of the Hall and down an unknown corridor. Harry soon followed him, and it was pure instinct that drove you to stand up from the table and follow after the two boys, much to Pansy’s dismay. Something else was happening here, and whether it had to do with Draco’s distance before your break up or not, you were going to find out just what the hell it was. 

Chasing after Harry, you frantically tried to match his pace, running into students and Professors alike as you turned corners and skidded down hallways. It was a miracle that you hadn’t run into a wall yet, truly. You watched as he disappeared from view, ducking into the usually haunted girls bathroom. With a frown etched into your face and nary a thought to the consequences, you followed him. 

Curses being flung across the bathroom at lightning speed met you on the other side of the door, and you had to duck almost immediately to avoid being hit. You lay flat on the ground, mumbling things like “What the bloody hell could have set them off in three minutes?!” as you fumbled for your wand with one hand and protected your head from shattered stalls with the other. 

You crawled forward as soon as your wand was in your grasp, dragging yourself through the wrecked toilet stalls and avoiding most of the spells being hurled across the room as you prepared yourself to intervene. You moved into a crouch, murmuring a quick shielding charm before walking through the door half torn off its hinges and into the middle of their duel. 

“Wands down -” You were barely able to get a sentence out before you had to dodge a curse sent by Potter himself, drawing your arms into your body as you heard him yell “Sectumsempra!”

Draco was flung across the room, his body hitting the floor with a dull thud. Both you and Harry looked over at him, pausing your actions as you realized that he wasn’t moving. “Draco?” you called out anxiously, taking a step closer to him. That was when you saw the blood blooming on his shirt and bleeding into the water. “Merlin,” you muttered to yourself, wasting no time in rushing over to his body, hands shaking as you tried to remember the proper healing spells. 

“What the hell did you do to him, Potter?!” you yelled, looking over at Harry quickly before looking back at Draco. Dozens of cuts had opened up on his body, continuously bleeding and showing absolutely no signs of stopping. “Shit shit shit shit.” You hated to admit it but you still loved him. You still loved how it had been when you were with him. And you were so, so scared that you would lose him like this. So suddenly. 

As if he could hear your thoughts, Professor Snape appeared out of nowhere, quickly rushing to Draco’s side and sending a long, slow look at Harry. 

“I don’t know what to do,” you said, rushed as you stared down at Draco. “They won’t stop bleeding. He won’t wake up.” The professor placed a seemingly comforting hand on your shoulder before wordlessly beginning to move his wand over Draco’s body, murmuring a spell underneath his breath so quietly that you couldn’t catch what he was saying. You didn’t care. The blood that had previously been pouring out of Draco’s body was returning to it, and the wounds were sealing. 

Footsteps sounded behind you, and you realized that Harry was running away. You shouldn’t chase after him. Not when you were no longer with Draco. And certainly not with a Professor standing right next to you. But all rational thought had left your mind, and all you could think about was making Harry pay. So you stood, and you ran. 

If you thought that Harry was fast before, he was even quicker now, running as if he knew he was being pursued. And maybe he did. But that just made it more satisfying for you as you ran him down, slowly but surely beginning to catch up with him until you hit him with a stunning hex and sent him careening to the ground. 

“What the fuck was that Potter! What, do you preach the absence of curses until it’s convenient for you like a fucking hypocrite?”

Students and staff alike were turning to watch the exchange, gathering nearer as they sensed a fight. It was likely that you didn’t have much time before you were stopped so you decided to make it count. The stinging hex was wearing off by now, you knew it would be. So you kicked his wand away before pocketing yours. If they wanted a fight they would get one. 

Harry turned to look at you, quickly standing up and getting to his feet. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” The way he turned up his nose and squared his shoulders told you that he was trying to appear confident. The sweat on his brow and the shiftiness of his eyes also told you that he was epically failing. 

“Is that really how you want to play this Potter?” you asked, danger creeping into your voice as you squared off with the boy wonder. 

“Well it’s how your boyfriend wanted to play when he threw a hex at me,” he retorted, taking a step closer to you in a challenge. 

You barely had time to think before you were punching the Chosen One. Punching him poorly, might you add. You were pretty sure that you heard a faint crack from your thumb. But the blood that had begun to spurt from his nose made your minor injury all worth it. 

Harry cried out, falling back and to the floor as he immediately held one hand up to his nose. He looked at you in surprise, and it only took a few short seconds before a teacher was calling out your name and dragging you up towards Dumbledore’s office. 

You passed Snape on the way up, making eye contact as you noted the unconscious Draco in his arms. You nodded once, more towards yourself than towards him, before turning your gaze back to the professor currently lecturing you on the do’s and don'ts of fights at school. You tuned them out and every interaction after. 

~~~~~~~

You couldn’t help but laugh at the absurdity that the tables had been turned on you. Yet again. Instead of you waiting in the dark to confront Draco, he had waited for you. You had known he was there as soon as you had closed the portrait, your eyes catching on his barely illuminated form as he sat in front of the fireplace. 

“I suppose I should ask you why you aren’t asleep yet.” You threw his words back in his face as you walked over to the couches, deciding to not even try and avoid him. Your arms were crossed protectively in front of your chest, a poor attempt to try and prevent what was probably about to come. 

Draco raised his hands under his chin, propping it up in a habit that he had learned from you long ago. “Why were you there,” he asked slowly, still not turning his head to look at you. It annoyed you, but you would let him have this for now. 

“I was tired of being lied to.” It was the truth, and that was more than he deserved. 

He clenched his jaw and turned to face you, his eyes narrowed. “You could have died. Didn’t you stop to think about that at all?” 

You sat down in the arm chair to his left, arms and now legs crossed in defiance. “I didn’t think that I would be barging in on a duel. It’s not my fault that you and Potter couldn’t keep it in your pants.” 

“This isn’t a joke!” His voice echoed across the common room and you froze. His gaze was level with yours, eyes glaring at you and hands clenched into fists. “You could have died!” 

“You could have too!” 

“That’s different!” 

“How? How is it different Draco.” At some point you had stood up again, a finger pointed in his face in your anger. The sheer familiarity of the situation was hitting. The two of you had been in these kinds of arguments many times before. “See this self-sacrificing bullshit is why we broke up. Because you couldn’t realize that your life was worth just as much as mine!” 

“No, we broke up because you got scared,” he retorted, standing up and matching your stance. “You got scared that I was actually being self-sufficient for once and you couldn’t handle not being in control!” 

You knew he was deflecting. You knew that the two of you were both lashing out, emotions high from the day that you had, but still you recoiled slightly. “Is that really what you think?” 

He just stared at you, stubborn ignorance formed in every fraction of his being. 

You swallowed thickly, straightening your clothes and taking a step back from him. “Alright then. Gad we cleared that up.” You turned around and took but two steps before you moved to face him again. “And for the record? I was scared. But I was scared that you were recklessly risking your own life because you couldn’t handle even the slightest threat to mine. Not because I wasn’t in control.” You paused, clenching your jaw as you searched his face for any type of reaction. There was none. “I guess today just proved that breaking up had been the right thing to do. Goodnight Malfoy.” 

You didn’t stop walking until you made it to your room with the door closed securely behind you. Letting out a breath, you allowed your body to sag against the door. You weren’t even sure if you could call that conversation closure. It felt more like another couples spat if you were honest, but you had meant your words. 

From now on, you didn’t care what Draco did. You didn’t care if he was sneaking around at odd hours of the night, or looking positively zombie-like. He wasn’t your problem anymore, so you were going to stop making him one. You were done with him. For good. 

.

.

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[lisbonsteresa]

We Keep This Love (In a Photograph) (Nancy x Ace)

The first time he finds the photo is the day after the food festival. 

He arrives at the Claw late, rushing to shove his jacket into his locker and get to the kitchen before George notices his absence, when something crinkles unexpectedly in the pocket. Reaching in, he pulls out the polaroid - a bit wrinkled, the right corner completely folded over - but still in one piece even after the events of the day before. He stares at it for a moment, crouching in front of his open locker, trying to recall when he had acted on the impulse to grab it off the coffee table in their rush to leave, and before he can stop to realize what he’s doing he’s studying the picture’s subject instead. Hair falling into her eyes, dirt from the tunnels still smeared across her face, her features set in an expression of determined focus as she dug into the box of files Carson had procured for her, still looking so perfectly…Nancy. A small grin crosses his face as he remembers her amused reaction to the flash of the camera turning into a sincere smile as Carson told her how proud of her he was - Because of her testimony. The grin drops off his face as the memories of the rest of the day rush back into sharp focus. The sense of uselessness he’d felt as he’d dangled from that railing and watched his life be traded for the lives of countless others; the terrifying amount of finality he’d heard in her ‘I couldn’t lose you.’; the way there was no doubt in his mind about what “favor” Celia had asked for in return - a favor that for all he knows Nancy could be fulfilling right this moment. 

As if summoned by his own despondent thoughts, the door to the storeroom suddenly bursts open and Nancy rushes in, her coat hanging off of one arm as she fastens her hair into a hurried bun. Her mad dash stops short upon seeing him, and as their eyes meet he’s suddenly overwhelmed by all the things he wants to say to her; all the things he held back the day before while Grant was around. The questions of  ‘How could you -’ and ‘Why would you -’ and the arguments starting with ‘This will ruin your -’ and ‘I’m not worth -’ cycle around each other in his mind, and he can tell that something’s about to slip out his mouth but he can’t make the connection between them to know what it’ll be - And then suddenly he doesn’t have to. George’s annoyed voice rings out from the kitchen, and he’s never heard the phrase ‘saved by the boss’ before, but after this he might consider adopting it. He quickly crumples the photo into a ball and tosses it into his locker, following it with his jacket as if burying the image would help him bury the feelings it brought up. He gives Nancy a curt nod, avoiding whatever he might have seen in her eyes as he turns and heads towards the stairs, knowing there was a difference between delaying something and running away from it, but not quite sure which side this was falling on.

——————————————————————

It’s several months before he sees it again. Long enough for Everett Hudson’s first case to be declared a mistrial due to jury tampering, and for the time between it and his retrial to be just enough to allow Nick and Ryan to find a smoking gun hidden in Tiffany’s files that put the Hudson patriarch away for his full sentence (officially, at least). Long enough for Amanda to turn to him on her doorstep two weeks after the trial and tell him that she and Gil were leaving - finally following up on his lead in Santa Fe. There were kisses goodbye and offers to help in any way he could, but they both agreed it would be better for her to focus on finding her mother, and at this point it’s been long enough that he’s starting to feel like he’s doing okay after the breakup. He’s starting to feel like everything’s back to…whatever passes for normal in Horseshoe Bay. At least, he is until Nancy announces - midway through George’s mandated After Hours End-of-Summer-Cleaning Locker Inspection, no less - that she’s gotten into Columbia. 

His hand had just closed around a crumpled ball of paper in the back of his locker when the words leave her mouth, and the ball stays in his hand even as he joins in on the group hug an ecstatic Bess initiates; as he tells Nancy how happy he is for her; as he reassures George that he’ll close up so she can ride with Nick to the celebration he’s sure Carson has planned for Nancy back at their place. 

It isn’t until he’s left alone in the storeroom and he drops down onto the bench in front of his locker that he notices how tightly he’s been gripping the paper. Or the…not paper, he corrects himself as he notices the different texture of whatever he was holding. A sneaking suspicion comes from the back of his mind as he starts to smooth out the ball, and once the image is revealed in full - slightly faded with the right corner ripping off altogether after he pulls a bit too hard -  he has to fight the urge to crumple the photo again and toss it into the trash. 

Which is a weird impulse, isn’t it? Because he was happy for her, of course he was. This was Nancy’s dream school, after all, and after the year that she’s had, doesn’t she deserve to do what makes her happy? To move on with her - His thoughts stutter to a stop. He shakes his head and tries again. After all, hasn’t he - haven’t they all - known this was coming, sooner or later? Hasn’t he known from the start that Nancy was meant for bigger and better things? That she wasn’t going to hang around forever, not in this nowhere small town, with her ragtag group of friends and the dishwasher who’s been at a standstill since high school -

He’s being unfair, he knows. Because Nancy doesn’t see it, any of it, like that. He knows how much Nancy cares; about Horseshoe Bay, about her friends…about him. She’d told him as much during the countless knock-down-drag-out arguments they’d had after the incident at the paper mill, hadn’t she? But he can feel annoyance - or maybe even anger -  rising up inside him, and if he doesn’t deflect it towards her, then he’ll have to confront himself, and he’s been avoiding that confrontation for months now. He’d have to actually think about why he’s been keeping Nancy at arm’s length even after they’d both said their piece during those arguments. Why he’d been so insistent that they’d ‘gotten back to normal’ when he honestly wasn’t sure he had any idea of what ‘normal’ was for them. It certainly wasn’t the way she’d avoided his eyes when he’d congratulated her, but he wasn’t sure it was the way she had held onto his hand long after everyone else had left their hug either. He’d have to actually think about how he’d wasted so much time pretending there wasn’t still something to fix between them, and how he didn’t know what to feel now that he’s realized they’ve run out of time anyway.

When Amanda had left, it had felt like they were mutually closing a door - calm and maybe a little sad, but with both of them smiling and understanding on their respective sides. Knowing that Nancy was leaving felt like having to struggle with a door against hurricane-level winds, without a clue of what side he wanted to be on once he finally got it closed. But maybe that’s not a fair comparison to make, he rationalizes. After all, he and Amanda were together. He and Nancy have just been…  He looks back down at the polaroid, his thumb running along the torn edge as he considers just what exactly he and Nancy have been, before dragging a hand through his hair with a sigh. Too late to figure it out now, anyway.

He leans forward and slips the photo between the pages of a library book already overdue by a year at the bottom of his locker. So he’ll have something to remember her by, he tells himself, unsure if the unpleasant feeling that settles in his gut as he slams the locker shut is bitterness or just plain sadness.

——————————————————————

Life goes on in Horseshoe Bay, even without Nancy Drew. It’s not until late fall when he sees the photo again. He’s helping George and Nick with the Claw’s first official Allhallowtide event, spending his day helping kids decorate their lanterns whenever he’s not hyping Bess up over text for her ‘very preliminary, very probational, very terrifying!!!!!’ (her exclamation points, not his) first in-person meeting with Aunt Diana since she’d started slowly rebuilding their relationship. 

He’s sitting on the steps leading into the storeroom after one of their longer text exchanges, laughing when George calls out for him to make himself useful and find more markers, but he rises to follow her instructions anyway. It takes him all of 5 minutes to realize that they are completely marker-free, digging through every drawer and pencil holder in the room and coming up with nothing, before he remembers the pack of Crayolas he’s pretty sure survived his last locker clean-out. 

He unloads his jacket, a few books, and the jumbo pack of earplugs he’s been drawing from ever since that siren incident three weeks ago onto the bench to make it easier to find the markers, but the earplugs overbalance the books and everything comes toppling down before he can even look through what’s left in the locker. 

With a sigh, he leans over and picks up the old library book that fell face-down, watching curiously as a square of paper drops out from between the pages and back down onto the floor. A catalogue card, he wonders, or maybe a note someone stashed and forgot about? But as he picks it up and sees the torn right corner, he realizes that not only is it not regular paper, but that he knows exactly what he’s going to see before he flips the item over. 

A shock runs through him all the same once he does, seeing Nancy’s face for the first time in months. He doesn’t have more than a moment to think about that though, as his phone erupts with seven text tones in rapid succession at the same time George’s shouts for him to hurry up reach the storeroom. After a tiny moment of hesitation, he slides the polaroid into his back pocket and shoves everything else back into the locker before making his way back to the dining room, marker-less and contrite. 

That was a mistake. He spends the rest of the day hyperaware of what he’s holding onto, patting his pocket for reassurance it hasn’t slipped out so many times that one of Ted’s friends asks him - with all the seriousness a 9-year old can muster - if he is also suffering from the ‘wedgie-saurus’. 

It isn’t until that night, after he insists that he’ll close up the Claw so Nick and George can stay with her sisters at the lantern-lighting event, that he has a moment alone to actually look at the picture. He straddles the storeroom bench, placing it down in front of him and resting his elbows on his knees so he can lean in close as a sudden wave of guilt hits him. He remembers the way their text conversations had petered out after long stretches of one-word or emoji-only replies; the way her calls had slowly become less and less frequent until they stopped altogether. He still gets weird looks from the others when he makes excuses to avoid their video calls with her; can still hear Bess’s overly-sympathetic voice after she’d spent a long weekend in New York telling him that everything was fine, that Nancy just misses him.

He misses her too; of course he does. Some days he misses her so much the ache of it catches him by surprise. Like when he'd realized his habit of watching the door for the first ten minutes of every shift, still expecting her to rush through it with her name tag missing and an excuse at the ready. When he made a Big Lebowski reference at dinner one night and got nothing other than a confused smile from his mother in response. When he was researching something at the end of the bar and felt a phantom presence at his shoulder, like she was just outside his peripheral, leaning up against him and waiting impatiently for him to turn towards her and give her the answer she was looking for. 

It didn’t seem possible for someone he’d known for barely a year to have become such a big part of every aspect of his life, but everywhere he’s turned for months there seems to be another reminder of Nancy Drew.

And that just makes everything worse. Because he hadn’t been able to give her the answers she might have needed before she left. And now, now that he’s had the time to figure those answers out, now that they kept him up at night, running endlessly through his head while he stares dejectedly at the ceiling, he doesn’t know if they’re still the same answers she was looking for now. And he’s terrified by the thought that they might not be. He’s gotten himself caught in a mystery he doesn’t know how to solve on his own.

But maybe… His thoughts are interrupted by the chime of the clock hanging above the back door, and he starts when he realizes nearly an hour has passed since he first sat down. Glancing at the photo again, he waits for the urge to tuck it back between the pages of that book; to push his feelings down and avoid having to confront them, but it doesn’t come. 

Something else clicks into place with the last chime of the clock, and holding the polaroid in one hand, he unlocks his phone with the other, ignoring Bess’s 5 recap and 2 goodnight texts for the moment while he taps the contact info for the only other person he’s sure will be awake at midnight on a Tuesday. 

She picks up on the first ring. “Ace?” 

Her voice sounds tired, maybe even a little worried, but so deeply familiar his heart jumps into his throat just at the sound of her saying his name. “Hey, Nancy.” he begins, unable to hold back a small smile as he looks down at her picture. “Can we talk?”

Maybe he doesn’t have to solve this one alone.

Maybe neither of them do.

——————————————————————

Nancy’s bright hair makes her easy to spot, even from his position across the train platform. He watches as she peers through the crowd, noticing him with a grin and a tiny wave, before he pushes off from the wall and starts to make his way over to meet her. 

He’d practically had to fight Ryan to be the one picking her up, he imagines telling her as she laughs. The man had been ready to push him down in the driveway until Carson had stepped in to - heavily, mind you - imply that maybe Nancy and Ace could use a little ‘alone time’. 

That part he might keep to himself, actually. It was bad enough that Carson acted like he was in on some big secret every time he got off the phone with his daughter; he didn’t need her wondering why both her father figures were trading smug smiles every time the four of them were in a room together. 

He realizes too late that he’d gotten caught up in his thoughts and that Nancy was suddenly standing less than a foot away from him. “Hi.” he murmurs, the memory of their last - somewhat awkward - reunion tugging at the back of his mind. (He almost wished his arm was still in a sling. Then at least he’d only have to worry about what to do with one of his hands).

“Hi.” she replies in the same tone, her own hands twisting nervously in the strap of her bag, but a beaming smile on her face. It was the same smile he’d seen during their almost daily video calls for the past month and a half, but he hadn’t thought to prepare for the way it makes his heart flip to see it directed at him, live and in person.

“H-how’s Columbia?” he manages to only stumble over the first word, but it doesn’t really seem to matter because suddenly Nancy’s dropped her luggage and launched herself at him, throwing her arms around his neck and clinging to him while his arms instinctively wrap around her, pulling her closer still as he breathes in the fact that this is really happening, that it’s not a dream he’s going to wake up from to find the calendar mockingly reminding him there was another three days until her holiday break started.

He’s not sure how long they stay there, wrapped up in each other while the rest of the world moves around them, but when they finally pull away he knows his smile is as bright as hers. There’s a lot they still have to share - he hasn’t told her about his first day interning with John Sander yet, and she has a copy of the Daily Spectator with her first front page article stowed safely in her bag - and a lot - the distance, their schedules, missing each other - that they still have to figure out. But as he holds out his hand and Nancy takes it in hers, intertwining their fingers as if it was the most natural thing in the world, Ace can’t find it in himself to worry. 

Whatever happens, they’ll figure out a way to solve it. Together.

——————————————————————

(She finds the photo less than a week later; sees it hanging on the inside of his locker when she stops by the Claw to help them decorate for the holidays. Bess is beside herself at somehow being one of the last to know, but Ace can’t really focus on anything other than the look in Nancy’s eyes as she pulls him in for a kiss.)

[dclsbaby]

mykonos-crossed lovers (part i) 🦋

🎶 playlist for part i

prologue

part ii

part iii

part iv

Summary: When you drunkenly book a girls trip to a tropical Greek island to help mend your broken heart, you would never for a second think it will take you exactly to where he is. Him. A tale of the right person at the wrong time, an overused cliché made into plots of movies you never thought would live through in your reality. Two people, still madly in love with each other, hearts still broken, suppressed by the alcohol and distractions consumed on this trip. Will they let their egos get in the way, protect what’s left of their already broken hearts, or will let their hearts speak?

Word Count: 2.6k

Warnings: angst?

Author’s Note: hi everyone, thank you so so much for the responses to the prologue! I am so overwhelmed and did not expect to receive so much kindness it makes me wanna cry hahaha 🥺 thank you a thousand times over! and if this is your first time getting to know the fic, I highly suggest you read the prologue before diving into part 1! This chapter is sort of a filler chapter (I know it has 2.6k words lol), it shows how (y/n) have been doing since the break up & how the trip came about, I hope it’ll make sense once you read it 🤍 thanks for reading x

Gif:

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It’s been months since you last spoke to him. Him. The thought of him still hurts. The idea of him existing without you, hurts. As much as you try to fight it, you still remember him like the back of your hand. You could draw on paper the contours of his face by memory, by instinct, like remembering your way home. He was a love you have never experienced before. Something about his magnetism seemed impossible to resist.

You and Dominic broke up nearly half a year ago. Your hopes of an amicable breakup were destroyed by him. His confusion, his anger, his frustration made it impossible for you two to stay friends. He couldn’t even begin to imagine being just a friend to you when his entire heart belongs to you. He called you selfish for leaving, he called you stubborn for having your mind made up without letting him put up a fight when he was ready to battle anyone, even you, to save your relationship.

The first few months were difficult, but the first few weeks were excruciating. You barely ate, as the numbing in the pit of your stomach constantly made you nauseous that your body couldn’t digest anything you ate. You couldn’t bring yourself to shower and get dressed, and spent days laying in bed, wallowing in sadness. Overtime, you just learn to live with the pain.

Since then, you’ve had good days, and slowly but surely stopped faking smiles and replaced them with genuine ones. But your bad days felt like hell, with your mind often teasing you with memories of him that you’ve suppressed enough to compartmentalise, then it comes back to you all at once, and consumes your entire soul. The pain is suffocating, like being crush by tidal waves, leaving you no time to run for shore, the waters dragging you, pulling you in many directions. All you could do was be still, stay paralysed, and pray that it goes away. That’s what remembering him felt like.

Then on other days, you often wonder how you were able to manage all this, with the pain still fresh whenever you think about it, but I guess we’re all guilty of pushing our feelings to the side and pretending that everything’s alright, when it’s the opposite. You’re still alive, despite it all. But you want to live, not just survive.

The truth is, you did not leave because you fell out of love. In fact, you were too in love—it’s a crime. He was your entire life. Days were spent waiting for him to come home from training and matches. Missing him during away games. Your entire happiness depended on him, and that terrified you. You weren’t happy with yourself either, and expected more out of your life. The burden of having a prosperous career, a stable income, a life for yourself that you loved, becoming too heavy to bear. You had all these dreams and goals set for yourself that you never got to actualise so you could be by his side. Your love for him was insurmountable, that you couldn’t accommodate anything for yourself. No matter how hard you tried, you will always put him first. It was natural. Even though he never asked for all your attention, you couldn't simply choose between yourself or him, because you would always choose him. Over and over.

So you did what you had to do, break your own heart, and his, to love yourself.

Since your breakup, you finally moved out of your friend’s place and got yourself a nice two-bedroom flat at the city centre with a stunning view of the city. You landed yourself a job as a junior editor for British Vogue that demands commuting to London several days a week. As you thrive in difficult situations, the breakup forced you to submerge yourself in work, mainly to avoid the pain, but it propelled you to get to where you are.

Trying to get over someone who is in the public eye was a different battle. It seemed as though everywhere you went, he’s there. You see him on billboards, TV screens, his face painted on murals, quickly becoming a tourist site. Occasionally, you would watch his games out of habit, and listen to the prideful Evertonian crowd chant his name. You witnessed his first England senior team debut, and tuned in to England v. Wales on the TV for old time’s sake. You watched him score his first senior England goal behind a screen. Your eyes welled at sight of him living his dream, poaching the ball into the net, scoring the first goal of the game, making his country and family proud. You feel the rush of adrenaline he felt as he ran to his teammates and celebrated. You can’t help but share this sense of pride, as you’ve watched firsthand how hard he has worked to get to where he is.

But on days where he isn’t on your mind, you do not want to be reminded of him. It’s difficult to cope when you encounter pieces of him that takes you back to the worst day of your life, and his.

Like last night, for instance. You had been scrolling on your social media when it was brought to your attention that a magazine had published an issue with your ex on the front cover, spotted on a night out with a blonde you don’t personally know but you could’ve sworn you’ve seen before. Perhaps another one of those so-called “influencers”, you thought to yourself. You know that you have no right to feel jealous or upset, as you broke up with him and this was bound to happen, but selfishly, a part of you had hoped that he wouldn’t find anyone else, or at least not before you did. You’re frustrated at yourself for letting him have this effect on you even months after your break up.

Succumbing to your bad habits, you give in to your impulses and pop open a bottle of red wine to calm your growing anxiety. Two glasses of wine, a takeout, and a season of Gossip Girl later, you find yourself slightly drunk, nerves calmed, and a little drowsy so you quickly change into your satin pyjamas and tuck yourself in bed.

You decide to turn on the TV for some background noise and quickly close your eyes. By some twist of fate, you hear a painfully familiar voice giving his thoughts at the end of a game he’s won. The sheer volume of his voice on the TV causes a sharp pain in your chest as you scramble to reach for your remote in the dark, with your eyes half opened. and change it to anything but a sports channel. That’s it, you thought to yourself. I need to get the fuck away.

Still drunk and not entirely aware of what you’re doing, you reach for your laptop on the nightstand. The brightness made your eyes squint a little bit, but you managed to type out a link and open a travel booking site, and scroll through different pictures of tropical islands you’re longing to get to. Anywhere but here, you thought. You selected options that you thought looked the blue-est, the most expensive, a party town, and had the most five star restaurants.

By the end of it you have booked a return flight to Mykonos for 5 people where you will be staying at a grand, luxurious 5-bedroom villa located at the party central of the island. You couldn’t be bothered to check how much it cost you. All sense of ration gets thrown out the window when you mix heartbreak with alcohol. When you told your friends of what you had just done, it was safe to say that they were surprised but absolutely ecstatic that you have booked a much needed getaway with the girls. With a three-day notice, you all quickly scramble through your closet and go on an online shopping spree to pick out your outfits for the holiday.

***

Days later, you find yourself landing on Mykonos island on a sunny afternoon.

“I can’t believe you’ve managed to pull all this off within days,” your friend says as you all walk through the pebbled entry way of your villa, and open the door. “Holy fucking shit,” another friend says in awe of the sight. The villa was filled with white interior, bright lights, wooden tables that give off beach vibes, and an infinity pool where you could swim as you watch the sunset, with a view of the blue sea. With 5 bedrooms to choose from, your friends collectively decided that you should take the master that had direct access to the pool, which you happily accepted but it wouldn’t matter anyway, as you’ll all probably stay in one room.

Once you’ve unpacked, you pull out your white cardigan and make your way out the terrace to catch a view of the sunset and have a moment by yourself. You take a deep breath of the fresh air with a hint of sea breeze as you try to take in the stunning view of the island. You are filled with gratitude as you bear witness to something so beautiful as you watch the sun sink into the blue Aegean Sea. Despite the peacefulness exuded by the view, your heart can’t help but feel Dom. You remember when he had brought up wanting to spend this exact summer in Mykonos with you, but life had other plans.

***flashback***

Dom was laying in bed with his laptop screen on his chest, an arm to support his head as he scrolled through the travel booking site. He had been looking through different options, but he has his mind set on a lovely town in Greece, Dubai’s overrated after all, he thought.

“Me, you, blue skies, tanned skin, bike rides around town, what do you think love?” asked Dom. “Where’s this?” you ask, moving closer to him as he shows you his laptop screen. “Mykonos. It’s not too far away, I’ll have enough time to rest before pre-season starts,” he replies. “That sounds like a plan,” you smile at him. “But we’ll book it closer to the summer, yeah? In case anything comes up,” you said as you plant a kiss on his cheek. He nods as he bookmarks the site and drifts off to sleep with you shortly after.

Unbeknownst to you, later that night he quietly opened his laptop and quickly booked the trip for you two as a surprise. Anything that will come in the way will just have to be compromised. He was adamant to make sure he gives you the best summer of your life, it is what you deserve after all, he thought.

***

You had forgotten about your conversation with Dom until you stood on the island. Your thoughts were interrupted by your friend’s footsteps. “Hey, you okay babe? You’ve been out here for a while,” she asks with concerned eyes. “I’m alright,” you said. “Or I will be,” you add, giving your friend a forced smile. Your friend wraps her arm around your shoulders as you two make it back inside to have an early and quiet night with the girls, exhausted from all the travel.

***

The next day you woke up a little late, with only several hours to tan before having to get ready for your dinner reservation at one of Mykonos’s famous restaurants that looks over the sea. A little frustrated at yourself for sleeping in, you went to the bathroom to wash your face, put on some light makeup, and change into your swimwear.

You join your friends who are sprawled on the sunbeds. “So, where is this place again?” you asked your friend who booked the dinner. “A restaurant by the sea located at party central babe. Everybody, I mean everybody goes here. They’ve got the best food and music,” she replies. “Think of Mamma Mia 1,” another friend chimes in. Your eyes widen at the imagery. “Better have some great alcohol too, I’m desperate for some,” you laugh. “That’s my girl,” your friend says.

***

By the late afternoon you and the girls are getting ready for dinner. Makeup bags and its contents sprawled on the floor, you had to tiptoe around makeup products and brushes, careful not to step on them. After long deliberation, you decided to dress up in co-ord that hugs your figure and fits you like a glove, paired with your favourite heels, settling for an elegant yet fun look. You decide to keep your hair down and put on some natural makeup to balance out the bold colour. After about 30 minutes of taking pictures of each other and some group photos, you finally made it out the door.

The location was spectacular. The ambience was complemented with bright lights to lighten the dim Mykonos sky that has turned a shade of dark blue, almost purple. The food was divine, a little overpriced for your liking, but it was worth it. The restaurant turns into a nightclub close to midnight, and you and your girls were eager to start your first round of drinks. Fruity drinks were passed around, made with fruits freshly picked from the gardens. Watermelon margarita was your drink of choice, partly sweet, partly sour, and just enough tequila as your first drink of the trip.

The restaurant was packed, you could’ve sworn you had seen a star of a Spanish series you’ve just finished watching on Netflix. The guests were well dressed, many had bravely eccentric taste, mixing patterns and sparkly jewellery, paired with funky footwear to add some flair. In Mykonos, you will not encounter the same judgment as you would walking down the streets back home.

Your friends stood up to dance the second the alcohol kicked in. You took your time, savouring your drink, wanting the night to last. You smile at the sight of your happy friends, so full of life, not giving a single care in the world. As you’re sitting there, observing people, you suddenly feel your chest get heavy. It’s hard to put into words what this feeling is like, but it pushes you to shut down in social settings, overwhelmed by strangers and loud music that makes your ears ring. It is a feeling of unexplained anxiety, where you need a second to correct your breathing, and calm yourself down. Not now, you thought, not here. You often feel these random bouts of emptiness since you left Dom. You try to push the discomfort away, and think of anything else but him. You stood up and walked to the edge of the restaurant by the white border wall to get some fresh air, and take in the view of calm waves under the night sky to collect some peace of mind.

You place your elbows on top of the border, and rest your head on the palms of your hands. A bystander would think that you’re a scene from a movie, a damsel in distress, longing for her love interest. But this was no movie, no fairytale, no knight in shining armour to protect you, no lover to sweep you off your feet.

Or so you thought.

Your focus on the sounds of splashing waves was interrupted by familiar footsteps, getting louder and louder as it creeps its way closer to you. The scent of the sea began to mix with an all too familiar scent of tobacco vanilla. Only one person came to mind. It can’t be, you thought.

“(Y/N)?,” his voice breaks.

It’s him.

[alwaysfeelingsaintlike]

Driving Me Mad [G.W] - Part 7

Series Description: You and George come up with a plan to pretend to date each other. But what happens when you actually start to catch feelings...

Pairing: George Weasley x Gryffindor fem!reader 

Word Count: 1.9k

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6

taglist: @obsssedwithjustaboutanything, @fadesbrina, @sweetlyblushedbouquet, @streetfighterrichie, @thatguppienamedbae, @wolfiepirate, @okbwtch, @sinnerskies, @broimjustvibin 

Description: The night of the Yule Ball has arrived and you have no plans to attend. Until a familiar face shows up and urges you to reconsider.

                                                          X

It was the night of the Yule Ball and you weren’t going. Once the school got word of your “breakup” with George it was all anyone could talk about. You became the bad guy, ridiculed for breaking such a sweet guy’s heart. The only slightly positive side to your uncoupling was that George was now the school’s most eligible bachelor. Every girl was vying for him now and even Fred was reaping some of these benefits. Girls figured if they couldn’t have George, Fred was the next best thing. You had to admit, you were surprised that Angelina and George weren’t the school’s next big couple. They were spending a lot more time together but there was little evidence of any exclusivity. Perhaps they were keeping it a secret just for the thrill of it. 

At the end of the day, you were feeling lower than ever. You were upset with yourself for messing things up with George. You shouldn’t have snapped at him and should have just talked rationally about the situation. But it was too late. The worst part was, hanging out with your usual group wasn’t fulfilling. You didn’t feel like you belonged with them any more and you started spending more and more time alone. 

You didn’t even want to think about the Yule Ball. This was a once in a lifetime event and you weren’t even going. You received no other escort offers after George and you split, not that you would have accepted any. 

Somehow you were coerced into going to the common room to gawk over all the dresses and see everyone off. You gave your most genuine smile and compliments as girl after girl twirled around and tried to hide their excitement. Once the last few had left, you pulled out a book and got comfortable in a corner armchair. The plan was to read a few chapters and head to bed early, quite the exciting night.

“Hey stranger,” you heard from behind. You turned around and saw an old friend standing behind you.

“Fred. Hey.” You were shocked to see him standing there in his finest dress robes. “Don’t you look dapper?”

“While I appreciate the compliment, I’m actually in a bit of a situation and I could use your assistance.” You were surprised that he was being so nice to you. You hadn’t spoken to him at all since you ended things with George.

“Oh yeah? And what would that be?” By this point he circled around the armchair and took a seat on the ottoman in front of you.

“You see, I was supposed to go to the ball with this lovely girl from Beauxbatons but unfortunately she’s fallen ill and is unable to attend.”

You knew where this was going, “And…”

“And I didn’t get dressed up like this for nothing. “

“So go? I don’t understand where I fall in all of this.”

“Y/N, I can’t show up stag. That’s just not my style. Besides, I was hoping we could have a very public break up and more girls would flock to me,” he said with a smile. You were unamused by his mocking comment. You closed your book and stormed off. “Y/N, wait I was just joking.”

“Ha ha.” 

He lightly grabbed your wrist and kept you from moving further, “I’m sorry, that was uncalled for. Do you really want to miss out on this though? I know you’ve been upset about this whole situation but maybe this will help you take your mind off of things.”

“I don’t know, Fred. I really don’t want to be gossiped about any more. I’m not sure it would be a great look to show up to the ball with my ex’s twin brother.”

“Don’t worry so much about what other people think of you. Look, I know we’ve had some issues the past few months, but I can’t let you stay here by yourself and miss out on this opportunity.”

“I don’t have a dress,” you used, as the only excuse you could really think of.

“I’ll take care of it. Just promise me you’ll go?”

 You thought for a moment, unsure of what to say. It was the first time you felt like someone cared about you in a while. 

“…Okay. I’ll do it.”

“Excellent,” he held out his arm to you. “Let’s go get you a dress.”

You made your way down the empty halls, seeing as everyone was already at the ball. You had a sneaking suspicion as to where you were going. Fred stopped in front of the Room of Requirement and opened the door, allowing you to enter first. When you stepped inside the room was filled with racks of formal dresses of all style and color. 

“Wow, I never thought to use this place as my own personal closet. There must be hundreds of dresses here.”

“I figured you’d be able to find something here,” he took a seat on a plush ottoman located near a three way mirror.

“Are you going to sit there or are you going to help me sift through these dresses?” He looked up cluelessly at you before finally making his way toward a rack. 

“What sort of dress are we looking for here?” he asked, slowly looking through the gowns. You didn’t really have anything in mind, you just figured you would know it when you saw it. 

“I don’t really know, just something I would look good in I guess.”

“Y/N, you would look good in all of these.”

“No need to flatter me Fred, I don’t need your pity.”

“I’m serious. You always look great in whatever you wear.”

“I wish I felt that way about myself nowadays,” you mumbled.

“You just need to regain your confidence. I think that’s what sets you apart from other people. You are so comfortable in your skin and so sure of who you are. It’s incredibly attractive.”

“Easy tiger. Just because we’re going to the Yule Ball together does not mean we’re going to start dating.”

“That’s not what I’m getting at here. I’m just a friend trying to help out another friend,” he said. This statement seemed a little off but after looking in Fred’s eyes you could tell he was being genuine. Instead of responding you nodded your head and continued skimming through dresses.

“So can I ask what happened between you and George? It all seemed kind of sudden.”

“You mean he hasn’t told you?” you asked.

Fred shook his head, “He’s made it very clear that he doesn’t want to talk about it.”

“Oh,” you said. That surprised you. 

“Well, it all started when Roger dumped me. I was upset and I didn’t want to lose him. I had detention with George and he sort of planted this idea that I needed to make Roger jealous. We made a plan to act like we were an item so that Roger would want me back and George would seem like boyfriend material. But we made a rule that either one of us could break off the fake fling whenever for whatever reason,” you paused, picking up a dress that you thought maybe could work, but you put it back realizing it wasn’t right. “George was absolutely perfect. He made our story seem realistic and he did all these cute things for me. I forgot that we weren’t even a real couple. It got to the point where I didn’t even want Roger back, but I didn’t want to stop hanging out with George.”

“What happened then?”

“The night after the first task, when there was that party in the common room, I…ugh…I accidentally walked in on George and Angelina making out in the stairwell. And it hurt. I think it would’ve been easier if he just told me, instead of me walking in on them. The next morning I kept things simple with him and cut it off quickly. He was fighting it and I sort of snapped and said some things I shouldn’t have. And he hasn’t talked to me since.” It was just then you noticed a single tear was dripping down your cheek. You wiped it away quickly, hoping Fred didn’t see your vulnerability, but he did.

He stopped searching through the rack and looked at you with clarity in his eyes. It was like everything finally made sense to him. Before he could speak, you interjected.

“I understand if you’re upset, but please don’t be upset with George. It was my idea not to tell you. I wanted your reaction to everything to be genuine. I felt like that was going to sell our story better. And I’m sorry if I created tension between you and George. That was never my intention. I never wanted to hurt him. I think...I think I love him.”

“Y/N, you’ve got this situation all wrong,” he said.

“What do you mean?”

Fred let out a small chortle, “That wasn’t George in the stairwell with Angelina, it was me.”

You furrowed your brows, “No, it had to have been George. She made a comment about easing the tension between you. That had to have been about me.”

He shook his head again, “I’d been feeling a bit tense acting as the third wheel all the time. Angelina was saying that with us together, I wouldn’t have to tag along with the two of you.”

Your jaw dropped, “Oh my god…”

“George never had a thing for Angelina, it’s always been you darling.”

You let out a long sigh and hung your head, “Oh I really fucked up.” 

“Look, when you and George first started dating, I had some hesitations. For good reason it seems. But I’ve never seen George happier than when he was with you. And you seemed pretty happy with him. If you really love him, which I suspect you do, you need to tell him. I wouldn’t be up here with you now if I didn’t care about you and my brother. It’s your move now”

“When did you become so insightful?”

“Please, I’ve always been this way. Now hurry up, let’s get you to the ball”

“I just need to find a dress…”

“Oh I have the perfect dress already. I just needed you to fill me in on everything.”

“What? So we’ve been wasting time looking through all these dresses for nothing.”

“Hey, relax. I had good intentions. Now go put this on.” He handed you a white high neck halter dress. The collar featured strands of thin gold chains that fell right on your collarbone. The dress was open back and had a slit up the front that reached just above your knee. It was simple, but stunning. You slipped behind a curtain to try it on and the dress fit you perfectly. You emerged from the makeshift dressing room and Fred was waiting there with a pair of peep toe gold heels. 

“So, does it look okay?”

“See for yourself,” he turned you towards the full length mirror. You  let out a sly smile when you saw your reflection. 

“You look incredible,” Fred said. He placed the heels on the ground and helped you to step into them. You pinned back some of your hair and found a pair of dangly gold earrings to put in. Once you quickly put on some basic makeup, you were ready to go. Your stomach was turning at the potential of seeing George but you had to face your nerves. You knew Fred was right and that you had to tell George how you felt, or else you would always wonder what if.

“You ready to go?”

“I guess so…” you muttered. Fred put a friendly arm around you and steered you out of the room.

[northcarolinanative]

𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐇𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐬 𝐍𝐨𝐰?

TW: Mentions of Anxiety and Sexual Assault

Request: tw; jj imagine, angsty, fluff, yk that jazz. but specifically touch on topics like sexual assault (while having jj as boyfriend but not breakup after gf is assaulted)? idk i don’t ever find much of those and it almost makes me feel sometimes like it’s not that valid which it needs to be shown that it is. totally ok if u can’t write that! sorry if this doesn’t make sense

A/N: This is a topic that is very serious and I did not want to romanticize it anyway. This is very heavy, sensitive, and something that I know, sadly, a lot of people can relate to. If you are struggling with anything please reach out to anyone, you don’t have to go through it alone. As always, my inbox/ requests/ messages are open:) PLEASE let me know what you think. I am so nervous about this one. Shout out to @softstarkey​ for helping me read over this fic and giving me amazing feedback <3

Full Masterlist 

Y/N had been acting differently, she knew it, her friends knew it, and her boyfriend knew it. Their once outgoing, life of the party friend had shifted to stand by the wall, hidden by the shadows instead of dancing on the countertops. Their fashion-forward friend had exchanged her on-trend summer wardrobe and colorful bikinis for black, oversized attire. Their once touchy friend had now become completely closed off, not letting anyone come close to her. They thought that maybe it was a spout of insecurity, or maybe just an off week when it started, by it had lasted about a month now. 

Everyone was worrying, but JJ could not stop worrying about her. She had become withdrawn from him, every time he would rest his hands on her, he could feel her tense up. When they would kiss, it would be short and chaste, never long or emotional. JJ thought that it may have been something that he had done. The other pogues were trying to help him rationalize that it wasn’t his fault, she was being distant with all of them. 

JJ texted Y/N asking her if she was coming to the bonfire that night. He assured her that it would be small, just the pogues and a few of their other friends. The kids from The Cut had other plans though. When Y/N arrived it was anything but small. She was terrified that Josh might be there, he was the last person that she wanted to see, but more importantly, she didn’t want  JJ to see him. She shifted uncomfortably looking at the mass of people covering the sandy beach. She took a deep breath before walking forward, knowing exactly where to find the other pogues. 

On her way through she was trying to politely squeeze by the other party-goers making it so that she can get to the keg. Once she found her friends she would hopefully have a sense of security in the large crowd. Certainly, he wouldn’t bother her when she was around all her friends. Her eyes lit up as she waved to her best friend Kie through the crowd. Kie was quick to grab Y/N outstretched hand, pulling her out of the sea of bodies and over to the pogues, who were serving alcohol. JJ was quick to wrap his arms around her from behind. He felt her stiffen as she had been in the past few weeks. He held up a red cup in front of her. “For you my lady,” He said, faking a posh accent and bowing, causing both of them to laugh. Y/N reached over to kiss JJ, but just peck before turning back to Kie. JJ noticed the way that Y/N wrapped her self up with her arms while sitting next to Kie though, and the way that her eyes scanned the sea of people in front of him. Something was off, but he just couldn’t bear to ask. He was scared that it was him, that Y/N was different because of him. 

Y/N and Kie sat on a piece of driftwood for most of the night, talking with other pogues and a few tourons. Kooks would sometimes walk by on their way to the keg, causing Y/N to tense up. Kie was talking to some touron about the issue with single-use silverware. “You mean to tell me that everyone was like, yeah, I’ll use this fork for 15 minutes so that it can then sit in a landfill for 500 years just so that I don’t have to do the dishes.” She ranted. “Ridiculous.” She finished, obviously worked up by the tourons lack of interest. “Y/N here agrees” She nodded towards Y/N. 

Y/N laughed nodding her head. “She got us all bamboo toothbrushes for Christmas last year,” She stated, causing the group to erupt in laughter. 

Kiara laughed with them. “What? It’s practical.” 

Y/N tensed as she heard a voice behind her. It was Josh and his group of underclassmen groupies. Her skin went cold. He was talking to JJ, she could hear their banter from the fire. Josh was a Kook which meant that JJ already despised him. 

“Y/N!” Kiara waved at her as she moved beside Y/N from her spot a few seats over. “Earth to Y/N” She laughed, but when Y/N looked back over at Kie, she saw the way that she was drained, the laughter that was there before was gone. Kie followed her gaze to Josh and JJ, watching the two as Josh walked away, opposite JJ but towards Y/N and Kie. Y/N quickly turned back to Kie trying to start a conversation desperately. 

“So you and Pope yea? That’s uh different.” Y/N said. She was interested in Kie’s life, but she knew that Kie would gush about it. 

“I mean yea. Who would have thought Pope, you know, he’s got his head screwed on right, and he’s–” 

She was cut off by Josh sitting down beside Y/N. She instantly tensed at the closeness. She wrapped her arms around herself, trying to make herself as small as possible while he spoke to Kie. 

He held his hand out over Y/N’s lap, causing her to flinch, to shake Kie’s hand. Kie’s eyes were filled with concern as she watched Y/N. She had never seen her act like this before. Kie cautiously took the man’s hand as he introduced himself. “My name’s Josh.” He said bringing her hand up to kiss it, just as he had done with Y/N’s that night. Y/N zoned out feeling her breath become unsteady but tried to calm herself so Kie would not become suspicious. 

“Kie,” She said pulling her hand away quickly, shocked by the upfront affection. 

Josh snaked his arm around Y/N’s shoulders, as she could feel the vomit in her stomach rising, wanting to get rid of all the beer in her stomach. “Y/N didn’t tell me she had another Kook friend.” He said flashing a smile at her, but Y/N’s eyes were trained to the ground and she was frozen under his arm. Kie sent a worried look over to the boys by the keg, catching Pope’s attention. 

“JJ, somethings up,” Pope said tapping JJ on the shoulder as he was pouring a beer. 

“What are you on about?” He laughed looking at Pope. 

Pope pointed to the fire that Y/N and Kie were sitting at. “Kie gave me a look, and if I’m not mistaken, that’s a Kook, cozying up to Y/N, you’re girlfriend, right now.” JJ felt the heat rise to his face as he shoved the cup that he was holding into Pope’s stomach before storming over to the three of them. JJ was quick to shove the guy from behind. Due to his grip around her shoulders, Y/n was sent tumbling too. Josh got up quickly, standing defensively, both hands clenched at his sides. Kie quickly moved to help Y/N up and over to the side and away from the fire as the two began fighting. 

“What the hell bro?” Josh asked JJ, throwing his hands up. 

“Don’t touch my fucking girlfriend. You may be a Kook but I’ll kick your ass all the way back to Figure 8.” JJ said moving toward him. 

Josh snapped his head in your direction, with a quick smirk. “Your girlfriend, huh?” Josh said starting to patronize JJ, seeing how far he could push it. Y/N knew what was coming. Kie noticed her change in breathing, it felt like someone had punched her in the stomach. “She didn’t mention anything about you the last time that we were here.” Josh paused a smile on his face. “Ya know when we were making out, over there in the woods.” 

Josh barely finished his sentence before JJ’s hand connected with his face. All they could see was blood. Josh stumbled back making his way toward the road. “Whatever, she’s not worth it man.” 

By now there were tears streaming down Y/N’s face as she turned to walk down the beach. She couldn’t breathe, it felt like her lungs were on fire. Kie followed after her, trying to console her while the boys were trying to keep JJ from starting another fight. Somewhere along the way, Sarah came over with a bottle of water, asking Y/N to try and drink it. 

Once Y/N and JJ settled down, the fight seemed to have dispersed the party, the pogues sat down on the dark beach silence falling over them. JJ thought about it more and more, what Josh had said. He was convinced that she had cheated on him, but he didn’t want to believe that Y/N could do that. He didn’t think she could, but her actions recently all seemed to mirror that. He hadn’t seen the way that she stiffened up around him as Kie had, or how she had tried to curl up and disappear when she heard his voice. 

JJ was the first to break the silence, he wanted to get it over with, even if it meant in front of his friends, who didn’t seem to wanna leave. “Did you do it? Is he telling the truth? Did you cheat on me?” JJ’s words came out angry and aggressive, causing Y/N to pull her knees further into her chest. Kie shot him a death stare as she continued to run her hand up and down Y/N’s back to comfort her. After what she had witnessed over the past month, pieced together with tonight’s information, she had a feeling that she knew what happened. 

Y/N took a deep breath and looked at JJ, but his head was turned, looking out over the dark ocean. “Yes, he was telling the truth but I didn’t-” a sob escaped from Y/n’s mouth as she coughed, Kie leaning down to try and help, even trying to shush me. JJ thought I cheated on him. He thought I would do that to him. “I didn’t cheat on you. At least I didn’t want to.” I said dropping my head into my knees crying. “I was going to the van to get a jacket, he stopped me, and I was drunk so I was weaker and couldn’t get him off me and-” Kie wrapped her arms around Y/N, who was trying to justify herself, holding the girl as she shook. 

A look of realization crossed JJ’s face as he stood up. Anger boiled through him, making him want to hurt Josh even worse than he had. He let out a grunt as he kicked the sand in front of him. 

“Look this is the last thing she needs right now ok.” John B said as he looked over and pointed at Y/N practically crumbled in Kie’s arms. “That should be you.” He said before backing away and standing next to Pope and wrapping an arm around Sarah leading them back towards the van. 

JJ took the short few strides to where he could kneel down in front of her. He looked at Kie, silently asking for a moment alone with her. “You okay?” Kie asked as she slowly removed herself from around the girl. Y/N sat back up nodding at Kie, before using the sleeves of her shirt to wipe away the tears on her face. Her eyes met JJ’s as Kie walked towards the van, joining the others. JJ slid his arm around her watching to see how she reacted, pulling her close when she fell into him. The short silence that fell over them seemed necessary, as they both sorted through their thoughts.   

Y/N was the first to speak, “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I was scared that you would be mad or wouldn’t believe me. I mean... “ She trailed. 

JJ turned, putting his hands on either side of her face. “No No, this isn’t on you. This wasn’t your fault ok?” JJ said, shaking his head. His eyes started to tear up as he began wiping even more that were falling down yours. He took a deep breath, “I know why you didn’t tell me, but moving forward, don’t hide something from me, okay? Nothings gonna come between us, I don’t want that fear to stop you from getting better, or getting the help that you need, okay?” He pushed his forehead against hers, letting them both breathe for a moment. JJ’s thoughts wandered to all the changes that had overcome Y/N’s character over the past month. He felt guilty for not being alarmed enough to ask. 

“I should have noticed, I’m sorry baby,” JJ said, pulling her closer to him.

“I did want anyone to. I am ashamed of it, I feel like, like it’s my fault.” Y/N choked out, she felt like she couldn’t catch a breath. 

“This is not your fault.” JJ repeated as he ran his hands through your hair. “Me, the pogues, Sarah, and whoever else you need are here for you. We can get you a therapist, or talk to the police, we’ll be with you every step of the way.” He let his hand rub up and down her back. He knew that whatever steps came next were going to be hard, but he wanted to help Y/N in every way that he could. 

“Thank you JJ” She pulled her head up, looking into his eye. “I’m glad I have you, really. While I didn’t get to choose to tell you, it feels better to have it out there. This all feels a little bit more manageable with you by my side.” She leaned forward and kissed JJ before pulling back. “I love you JJ.” 

“I love you too Y/N,” He said as they both smiled. JJ pulled her into a tight hug again. “Oh, and I’m not letting you out of my sight from now on.” 

“Oh boy” Y/N laughed, making JJ feel a little better.

[stuckinapatriarchalbullshitland]

💭- ɟ

Heellooo babies and dear Anons 👋🏼🤗 I’m so sorry for the delay, but I’ve been pretty busy. I haven’t forgotten about you. I’m alive, and as I said I would, even if late I will always answer you. And trust me, I feel so bad for the delay, but I’ve prepared a bonus at the end of the post that I hope will make it up to you 🙏🏼

Now. Without making you wait any longer, let’s move on to the questions Mari sent to me.

I can sure try, dear Anon 🙃 1) Yes, I firmly believe in the theory that Lauren went to Camila right after the concert. 2) Camila ended up in the hospital for the same reasons she’s been there other times too: stress, lack of sleep, dehydration, weariness, and, you know, general weakness because they were overworked. 3) No, she was already gone at that time. That episode was released on November 1, 2014, but was filmed on August 21st in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania during the ‘Austin Mahone: Live on Tour’. Camren were already official in April 🥳

 I really don’t think she was watching porn, dear Anon. I have two theories on this, but neither of them includes porn. Theory number 1, Camila and Lauren arranged to pull a prank on the girls, not giving a damn about the cameraman. They faked those moans to prank DNA. Theory number 2, it was all true (at that age especially, are more the times when hormones control you and not the other way around 🤣) and they didn’t give a damn about the cameraman and anyone else also for an act of rebellion.

The takeover begins with Ally. While Ally talks to ‘us’, Lauren is shown for literally two seconds while she’s on a video call with someone. At 0:04, you can hear her say something like “Hey, it’s okay, baby”, followed by “I wanna do it” at 0:08. Lauren is no longer seen for the rest of the takeover.

The first “Ahh” said by (in my opinion) Camila, happens at 0:50. The way DNA crack up, and Ally’s cheeks that get so red with embarrassment, I find hilariously funny in itself. As well as the teasing made by DNA towards Camila. But Normani… NORMANI KORDEI HAMILTON, guuurl! And do we want to talk about Ally? The “You too with your water” said in THAT way after Camila’s “Have fun with the movie”? Whatcha mean, girl, whatcha mean? 😝🤣

At 2:05, while Camila is eating, Lauren says something like “Gimmie” to her before Mila reaches out her arm to really give her whatever she’s eating. At 3:00, people hear “Keep going”, while I hear “Don’t stop” with a moan, immediately followed then by the other “Ahh”. Lauren, in my opinion. “Ahh” that Mani then repeats at 3:08 to make fun of them. And no, don’t tell me things like ‘but she hit her head’ because if you see the scene in slow motion, at 0.5 speed, you’ll notice that she doesn’t hit it at all and that she said it to imitate them and make Ally laugh. And then, there’s the difference in the “oww” she says at 3:14 when she hurts herself for real, and you can see how different the two verses are.

Whether it was true, or whether it was a prank, for me this is still a big proof. And this big proof, Camila and Lauren didn’t give it to me per se. Ally, Mani, and Dinah did. Why? Well, because all of this does nothing but show how used to hear that kind of thing they were. So used to it, that not only were they comfortable enough (except for having a camera pointed at their face during this time) but that they even teased them.

I don’t know if they didn’t really notice or if they did it on purpose to get more views and likes. I just know that AwesomenessTV no longer has it in their videos, but the Fifth Harmony page does. Same page that was/is managed by whom? By the same people who still want Camren dead but who exploit them when it suits them best. As in this case because views and likes produce money that ends up in their pockets.

Yes, dear anon, I truly believe that.

The funny thing for me is that Lauren called Paul Martinez her first love when she was much younger. But that only after their breakup. At the time, she even believed that they would’ve gotten married. She explained that they’d been best friends before they got together and that he then broke up with her and that she didn’t eat, didn’t sleep, and that she was able to move on only when she wrote her first song about how she felt about it on September 17, 2011.

The reality of the situation, however, is different. Lauren really fell in love for the first time with Camila. She realized the real difference later. Lauren and Paul were together for not even two months. They were together for literally only 50 days. That one, I mostly define it as a strong infatuation. First experience of a relationship, even if brief, with someone. First time she has experienced the real pain of a breakup and having a broken heart. And at that age, everything seems more and more intensified and even worse than it is. For Lauren who’s an empath, even more so.

So, yeah. I truly believe that both were the first true and intense love of the other. And no, dear. No one has topped that yet. Neither for one, nor for the other 😉

 If you don’t mind, dear Anon, I would prefer to answer your questions in reverse and start from the second question first because it connects to the first one. That way, it’s simply easier for me to explain to you what I mean 😄

I don’t think so?! I mean, I’ve never experienced love at first sight. I’m a rational person and who follows logic a lot, therefore, if I were to think to want to shout a serious ‘I LOVE YOU!’ on the face of a person I’ve just met and of whom I know absolutely nothing, I’d feel crazy. How could I think I’m already in love with them? It’s something I would think to be absurd because honestly, what the fuck? I’d think of being definitely delirious.

I know what it’s like to look into a person’s eyes and think ‘wow’. I know what it’s like to look into those same eyes and lose myself in them, and feel myself melt, and getting soft, and feel light, and literally feel a passage of energy through my body that turns into goosebumps.

I know that kind of instinct. An instinct that pushes you towards this person, that pushes you not to let them go. You can’t let them go and you don’t want to. You want to know this person. Right from the start. You want to know their interests, what they like, what music they listen to, and everything in between. It’s something you can’t control. You can try, but it’s impossible and it gets you out of your mind. It’s difficult, weird, and exciting at the same time. And it’s different from the normal attraction. The normal attraction is only physical. This is mental. It comes from your mind but is also guided by something else. Something that after, only after, you understand to be your heart. And what does THAT mean? That you’re starting to fall. And after having really got to know the person better, also feeling esteem for them, after that complicity was created, that passion, that intimate and mental connection, that’s where true love is born.

When you see someone for the first time, and you like that someone, you obviously feel attraction. Love, true love, happens over time. And that’s what I think happened to Camila. I think she felt an immediate attraction as soon as she saw her (2012), which turned into a huge crush (2013), and it started with the fall which in turn blossomed into love (2014). Maybe she didn’t understand this metamorphosis right away. Maybe she has understood this over time and maturing. And the moment that she understood it (ex: Terrified, Must Be Love), was also the moment in which she was able to explain it to us and deliver it to us in different songs. Another striking example that comes to mind now is “Seventeen when I started to fall” 🎵.

It was different for Lauren, but the process was similar. She herself said she found her cute initially. I think that the attraction was born when she started to know her better (2012), and that this was already an alarm bell for her because she didn’t want to. And not because she didn’t want to be attracted to Camila, but because she didn’t want to be attracted to a girl again. One with whom she should’ve spent a lot of time together, by the way. So she tried to keep this attraction at bay. But the more she tried, the more it grew. The more she denied herself the desire, the more she got to knew Camila, and the more attracted she was to her. Then she succumbed to the attraction and simultaneously started to develop a crush, and this threw her for a panic loop even more because she COULD NOT have feelings for a girl. She simply couldn’t. And that’s how the 2013’s back and forth started, the ‘Like Friends Do’ situation that led her to start falling hard and the eventual definite falling in love in 2014.

 Good question, dear Anon, a really good question. You see, EL has always puzzled me. In the sense that for quite some time, I didn’t know whether to believe if they were really a friend of theirs, or if it was just a person in the industry who had only worked with them for a certain period of time, or if they were just a fan with a huge luck in guessing certain things.

I think this because many times they’ve contradicted themselves and said very general things that anyone with a good knowledge of the girls and how the industry works could have predicted. I’ll give you some examples. I remember that at first, they said they had a relative in the industry, then they changed and said something like Lauren was one of the most important people in their life. Then they changed again and said they knew a lot about the Camren’s relationship because they were close to them, but that they wouldn’t delve into their private lives out of respect, yet, at the same time, they said about their first kiss and their first time. Um.. like, what?? How does this make any sense? Stick to one version, can’t ya? That alone, already made me doubt their credibility very much.

Another example I can give you is that they said the purpose for the Bad Things music video was to show how straight Camila was and to kill the rumors about her sexuality. But then, they said the video would have hints of her true sexuality and Camren’s too. Um… Again. What?? Not only did they contradict themselves, but they also said something rather generic and predictable. Think about it. If the video was to kill those rumors and straighten her image in the first place, why then would they have agreed to put hints on her sexuality and on something related to Camren? What would have been the point of trying to straighten her image then?? Not to mention that it’s pretty easy to say that we’d find things related to Camren when there are CS who would be able to find something even when there isn’t. Because we know that there were and still are those who find things that are actually completely absurd and non-existent just for the sake of having proofs. So, do you see my point here?

As for who they were, you can rule out most of the industry people who worked with them, and DNA and all people related to them (DNA) for one simple reason: ExposingLaucy was fluent in both English and Spanish. You can rule out Camren because they would never, ever risk being hacked and discovered. And that leaves us to the friends of the Camren’s clique and the fans. Wanna know what makes me think this person was actually a fan? The fact that EL also knew a lot about 1D and that Camila and Lauren’s true friends never got involved in Camren’s world publicly. You’ve never seen Marielle and Sandra or Brittany, Keana, Alexa, and Erica say anything about Camren publicly. They certainly wouldn’t have created an account to expose Laucy when exposing Laucy would’ve meant not helping their friends. And then, come on, they had their own lives to think about.

Now I want you to think about something else too, and I’m gonna take precisely me as an example. In my very first post, ‘There is a light at the end of the tunnel’, I created a little skit during which Shaky misgendered Sam Smith. As we all know, it actually happened in real life just over a month after my post. In my ‘PR stunt relationships’ post, I said I was convinced that Shabby had grown his hair out to look like his obsession for years: Matthew McConaughey. Five days after my post, Chauffeur admitted exactly that and of copying his style in general in the Late Late Show interview.

What does this mean? That I knew all this was going to happen? Hell, no. That I’m a white version of Raven Baxter? Maybe 😎🤣 No, but kidding aside, I just said what I thought of him both times. I only expressed my opinions, and the first time I did it through that skit because my gut had always told me that he’d be the kind of guy to be an insensitive asshole like that. And by the way, I was shocked, surprised, and even a little proud both times because I was actually right. But what’s the point? My point is that I could’ve taken advantage of this from the start. I could’ve pretended to be an insider from my first post and prove to you that I was one for real with these two things that I would’ve told you were ‘proofs’. It would’ve been pretty easy. But I didn’t. I would never have been stupid enough to start something so risky with the risk of being discovered as has happened with many other fans. And I never would have done it especially because that’s not who I am. I don’t need to pretend to be something that I’m not, thank you very much 😁 I’m more genuine than that.

Unfortunately, though, there are a lot of people who don’t think like me who have and continue to create accounts pretending to be insiders. All of those accounts are nothing more than fans who crave attention. Fans who pretend to be insiders who have information, without ever proving them though, and who say generic things and who sometimes are lucky enough to guess. That’s all. But EL, had something these other fans didn’t have. My best guess? EL was just a Harmonizer lucky enough to have someone from the industry in their (5H) circle, maybe really a relative as they initially said, who sometimes passed information to them.

 Because Camila was constantly out there working, dear Anon. You know, interviews, performances, tours, you name it 🙃

 I’ve already answered this question, dear Anon. Go check out my ‘🗯️ - ɟ’ post 😄

Yes, dear Anon, they’ve both hurt each other many times, and you can imagine how a parent might feel about seeing their child suffer. I’m not a mom, so I can’t speak from experience in that department, but I can give you another type of example to make you understand and maybe even make you better relate to what I want to tell you.

Imagine having two friends, okay? These two friends, are both your best friends. You care about them in the same equal way. These two friends of yours are together, and every time they fight, they come to you to vent. You unintentionally find yourself in the center of this situation, but not because you get in the way or because you take the side of one of them, but simply because you’re literally the person they go to for venting and to ask for advice. Every time you hear that one of the two has fucked up, you automatically ‘hate them’, in many quotes, for making the other one suffer. Maybe you also try to justify their actions because you know them and love them and you want the two of them to make up, but it’s still automatic for you to feel momentary anger towards them for making your other friend suffer.

Now that you know what I mean, double, triple, even quadruple, that momentary anger because that’s what I think a parent feels. It must not be easy to see your child suffer in general, but to see them suffer for someone you know, who is the cause, must be even harder. Especially in their case that they saw Lauren grow up with their daughter.

Camila’s number one best friend is Sinu. Camila has always told her everything. And Sinu has also always been very present, especially since the beginning of September 2016 when she’s become a permanent presence. Sinu must have seen the developments over the years with her own eyes. And I also think that Sinu and Ale have that kind of relationship where they talk about everything. I don’t know, but I think the Cabellos would have preferred to see her single rather than in that kind of pain in those times of severe toxicity between them. Because those are the periods that Camila refers to in both songs if you notice (I don’t consider First Man in this case).

Don’t get me wrong. I still to this day think Camila and Lauren are considered as daughters by both families. The problem at the time, wasn’t Lauren specifically because I think they would’ve thought it no matter who their daughter was with. And same thing in reverse for Camila for the Jaureguis. Besides, I don’t think the Cabellos consider Lauren a bad person at all, in fact, quite the opposite. The Cabellos love Lauren and the Jaureguis love Camila. It’s always been like this, despite they’ve tried to make us believe otherwise. I think that in those two songs Camila has only blown it out of proportion for the sake of the songs themselves and that’s why it looks more serious than it really is.

 I think the answer is in the question itself, dear Anon 😆 Their problems have always been caused by the lack of communication. So they fixed that. They’ve learned to speak for real. To communicate for real and without keeping anything inside. They’ve learned to listen and not bite each other’s heads off. They’ve learned to put pride aside. And they both have set boundaries. They healed each other the same way they broke each other: together. I don’t think they’re 100% there yet, also because no relationship is perfect, but I think they’ve improved a lot compared to before. Or at least, I hope so since mine are just assumptions.

 No, dear Anon. I never believed that rumor, and unless a picture of them kissing or something like that gets leaked, I don’t think I ever will. I’m sorry, but that sounds way too ridiculous for me to even think about it 🤷🏻‍♀‍

As for your last question, I believe Ari has already answered it herself in 2019. You remember Monopoly, right? Well, that “I like women and men” made me jump from my chair so high, I don’t know how I didn’t break something when I landed on my feet. I don’t even know how I landed on my feet and not tripped or directly fell to the floor honestly 🤣 “I’ve been on a roll, where you been?” dead, Ari. I died after what you said, okay? I knew about Victoria because she’d already come out, but you hadn’t done it yet so don’t ask me where I’ve been because I’ll tell you where I’m now, and I. Am. Deeeaad! Dead.

Ahh… How I wish our Mila would come out in that same so chill way, you know? Without making too much of a big deal out of it 🤩 But anyway. Ari didn’t want to put a label on herself because she never felt the need to, and I respect that 🙏🏼

BONUS

I call it ‘The truth in the lies’.

I was re-reading some old Camila’s interviews when I came across a particular one that made me literally burst out laughing, shake my head, and say what with them has now become my phrase: “The math… The math”. I’m referring to the interview with BBS News titled: Camila Cabello: ‘An absolute force of nature’, published on December 5, 2019.

I copied and pasted the part that interests us: As soon as the Grammys wrapped up, however, Cabello stepped away from the limelight to concentrate on her second album. “She said, 'I’m not going to come out of the studio until I’ve beaten my last album,’” recalls her manager, Roger Gold. In total, it took eight months, covering a period where “other artists were putting out back-to-back albums, only a few months apart,” he says. “So it was hard for us, and for her, to ignore the noise and go into the studio and take the time she needed.”

I’d like to underline the ‘As soon as the Grammys wrapped up’ part (big ass liar 🙄), and the more important one ‘In total, it took eight months’ (to complete the album). I repeat, 8 MONTHS. And that’s the truth. Okay, are you ready to do the math and for the explanation? Good 😏

The Grammys they were referring to were the Grammy Awards which took place on January 12, 2019. Romance was released on December 6, 2019. From January 12, 2019, to December 6, 2019, it’s 10 months. We already know regardless that this would’ve turned out to be bullshit because Camila started recording the album in September 2018, and not January 2019. But just to prove to you even more how much bullshit they said for this album, I wanted to include it anyway.

Would you like to see another proof with the same date? Okay. Now let’s try from January 12, 2019, to July 12, 2019, which is the PR day in San Francisco. It’s 6 months. You can also move the dates by a few days because it’s logical that Camila wouldn’t have recorded the same night as the Grammys and, according to their stupid narrative, Used to This was recorded right after San Francisco and was the last song recorded for the album. Wanna try, I don’t know, from January 15, 2019, to July 16, 2019? It’s still SIX MONTHS and NOT EIGHT 🤣 Let’s go on.

Let’s try to calculate with the actual recording start date now and not their narrative dates.

We know First Man was the first song recorded for Romance, and we know it was recorded in Nashville. Camila was on tour for Taylor Swift’s Reputation Stadium Tour at the time. Two dates that interest us on that tour are the one of September 8th in Kansas City, and the one of September 15th in Indianapolis. Why? Because for those five days in between, from the 9th to the 14th, Camila stayed in Nashville. For the first few days, she worked first with Amy Wadge on First Man, and then in the following ones, with Ed Sheeran on South of the Border, which they finished on September 14th. All you have to do to have a confirmation of this is to check out the video C posted on July 12, 2019, where she’s rehearsing her verse with Ed, and the picture she posted on September 14, 2018, and you’ll notice that she’s wearing the same shirt.

Since First Man was finished either one day or two prior, let’s take the South of the Border date as a reference for good measure. Also because as I showed you before, moving the date by just a few days to do the calculation still leads to the same result.

So let’s try, from September 14, 2018 (South of the Border) to December 6, 2019 (Romance album release) it’s 1 year and almost 3 months. Soooo, nope. Next.

From September 14, 2018, to July 12, 2019 (PR in San Francisco) it’s 10 months. 🤣🤣🤣 NEXT.

Come on, Faby, when are you gonna tell us the real date that corresponds to the 8 months? Now, babies, now. And I actually can offer you two.

We know that Camila finished Romance in May, and we had even more confirmation when she posted an Insta-story on June 3rd of a Dropbox folder called CC2 with the album already mastered and more than ready. Wanna try with both a May date and this June date? Okay.

From September 14, 2018, to May 21, 2019, that is, the rehearsals for the Señorita’s music video, it’s 8 months and 7 days exactly.

From September 14, 2018, to June 3, 2019, that is, the IG-story of the Dropbox folder, it’s 8 months and 20 days exactly.

We have our winners, guys 🥳🥳🥳

Let’s recap just because:

From January 12, 2019 (Grammy Awards 2019) to December 6, 2019 (Romance album release) it’s 10 months.

From January 12, 2019 (Grammy Awards 2019) to July 12, 2019 (PR in San Francisco) it’s 6 months.

From September 14, 2018 (South of the Border) to December 6, 2019 (Romance album release) it’s 1 year and almost 3 months.

From September 14, 2018 (South of the Border) to July 12, 2019 (PR in San Francisco) it’s 10 months.

From September 14, 2018 (South of the Border) to May 21, 2019 (Rehearsals for the Señorita’s music video) it’s 8 months and 7 days exactly.

From September 14, 2018 (South of the Border) to June 3, 2019 (Dropbox folder) it’s 8 months and 20 days exactly.

Now do you understand why ‘The truth in the lies’? 😏

Aaaaand I’m done 👩🏻‍💻 I hope I made it up to you with this bonus 🤞🏼 Thank you, Mari, and thanks to all of you for your questions, I swear I’m loving them more and more, so please, continue to feel free to send me as many as you want 🤗💪🏼

Remember to be kind, to others and to yourself. Remember to be a good example. Remember to be patient. Stay safe and take care of yourself. I send you lots of love and virtual hugs 🤗🤗🤗 Oh and, of course, keep shipping our submarine 🤣 I love you, babies. Always with love, F ❤️

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Ten answers for ten anons, that’s a lot of writing to do. Great work, F