#like i cannot justify owning so many things or spending money on something that will only make my WILDLY expensive poor purchase of a lapto-

[dimonds456]

Billford and Abuse: An Analysis

Honestly, as someone who ships both Billford and Fiddauthor, the thing I like about the toxic yaoi ship is the fact that it IS toxic. Like, the jokes are great, but its depiction of abuse is so, like... genuine. Without getting personal, I've been in a really fucking bad toxic (platonic) relationship before, and Billford deadass helped me come to terms with it.

Cuz here's the thing: most fictional abusive relationships just start with the abuse itself. It shows the victim and the perpetrator at the height (or almost at the height) of the abuse, and we see as either one of them is destroyed by it or the victim becomes free. But Billford actually shows the WHOLE timeline.

Something that bothers me about a lot of fictional abuse reps is the fact that you cannot sympathize with the victim aside from "aw that's horrible :(". Cuz it just starts AT the abuse. We don't see how they got there or what's causing the victim to stay. We just know they need to escape.

But with Billford, we see EVERYTHING. How it started out as something Ford genuinely loved, seeing Bill as a friend and someone he could trust, how it made him feel better because he was actually making progress on his research and he wasn't lonely anymore.

To Ford during those early days, Bill was the highlight of his time in Gravity Falls. We can follow his train of thought exactly to where he let Bill possess him with basically no strings attached (pun intended).

That's what makes it all the more devastating. Bill isolated Ford from everyone. He sabotaged his friendship with Fiddleford by planting that seed of doubt in the engineer and pulling Ford further and further into his plans. Then the thing with the portal happened and Ford had NOWHERE to go. Plus, Bill kept trying to get Ford to stop thinking about Stan, to move on and let him rot. So he kept planting seeds of doubt in his own brother as well, causing Ford to further and further slip away.

Then Ford confronts Bill. And the monster is unleashed.

Once Bill realizes he's lost control of Ford's devotion and the illusion has shattered, Bill just LEANS into it. In order to take control back, he started tormenting Ford and just being horrible to him, to try and make him fall in line. Love and fear ARE right next to each other in the brain, after all. And there's NOTHING Ford can do but just fall further and further into paranoia.

Bill demonstrates many real-world abusive/manipulative tactics on Ford, the big one being isolation, since that allows the rest of the everything to even happen, but the way he turns Ford against LITERALLY EVERYONE using paranoia is really true to real life.

Now obviously your toxic boyfriend cannot possess random strangers irl. But you know what he CAN do? Start spreading rumors behind your back. Stalk you. Harass you. Make you feel unsafe everywhere except home (which isn't safe either, but it's better than the outside world). He can spend your money or break your things. Slash your tires. In Ford's case, LITERALLY abusing his body. There's the sticky notes, the threats, the roof incident, all of it just piling one atop the other.

I cannot imagine how fucking terrified Ford must have been to finally send that postcard to Stanley. He was at a point where he assumed Stan would hate him, or at the very least wouldn't respond so why even bother, and he'd just gotten the "steal your eyes" threat. He was out of options, and was absolutely sure he was putting Stan in danger by getting him involved (another irl abuse thing that happens).

He was scared to reach out for help because 1) he didn't want others getting hurt (like Fidds had), 2) he was ashamed he'd let this happen, and 3) he, on some level, felt like he deserved this.

Justified? To a paranoid, scared, abused, irrational brain: Absolutely. In reality? Never. But HE'D built that portal. HE'D allowed Bill to possess his body basically freely. HE'D basically helped start the apocalypse. And that shame would have lead to SO much self-hatred and despair.

His reaching out to Stan was his last resort, his only way out. THAT'S what intrigues me about the ship so much.

I do not want them to make up and get back together. They're horrible for each other. But I do enjoy exploring the dynamic of it, fully seeing the cycle and how it happens, and seeing a whole new side to Ford that we only caught a glimpse of in the show and Journal 3. Plus Bill but his side is more comedic and sad to me I do not take him seriously FSDGHJ

The jokes are great and I love it here, but if I ever write a fic or draw art for these two it's going to be toxic as hell man. And not in the fun way fgsjd

[verdemoun]

Dear god timewarp characters with bank accounts.. I just know half of them have no concept of money. Whether that's cause they're not used to the inflation or are just like that.. setting up alternative accounts technically meant for children for grown men above 40 cause they CANNOT be trusted with their money.. someone seeing how much money Arthur has like "mfer your a MILLIONAIRE WHAT?"

this is actually a little bit adorable

hosea sets up a bank account that functions the same as the gang lock-box. while it's not sustainable for them to continue their half their pay as per gang traditions, those with jobs get used to 'donating' a significant amount of their money to the lock-box.

they can all access the lock-box account but there is a written ledger just like canon era. they still need to justify their purchases. it's mostly for emergencies (being short on bills) or whole gang activities get paid for by the lock-box.

sean, jenny and karen have no problem designating lenny the responsible one of the household he is in charge of making sure their collective bank account has enough money to pay for things. jenny is the second best with money and is usually allowed her own credit card but she does ask lenny to take it when she feels a manic episode or retail therapy twitch starting

most of the gang still use cash. their cards are just for taking cash out because cash is easier for them to track than remembering to check their actual bank account balances. this is sean's fault

arthur might be an adult man but he has the worst anxiety with money. he is not used to being in charge of his own finances that was always dutch and hosea's job.

when he decides to move out (perfect distance between bessie's house and eliza+isaac on a bit more land than bessie has) hosea has to check on him constantly because he will get so worried about saving money he will neglect to eat or pay bills because 'i was an outlaw i don't need heating'

hosea has access to arthur's bank accounts because he does actually need to check his poor son is remembering to buy things he needs. this quickly devolves into hosea being in charge of everything because arthur is still learning to be an adult in his own way. he has no independent life skills, the gang was his entire adult life

taking arthur grocery shopping and arthur just has to walk away when it gets up to the check out because it actually makes him feel sick the idea of spending so much money on food that is solely for him + isaac when he visits

as a result arthur usually has a solid 30-40k just sitting in a bank account and people lose their minds like arthur invest in something and he does not understand investing so he won't

high school era isaac also using his financial maths homework to help teach his poor dad about budgeting and interest rates and arthur actually learning and asking questions his poor son has to google the answers to

one of the reasons kieran is able to coast by living with bessie and hosea indefinitely when he is in fact fully capable of getting a job is because he is a very cheap man to sustain. his biggest expenses are occasional snacks and his horse models, but he is also prince of kicked dog pleading puppy eyes and the gang will almost always buckle and buy him whatever he wants

micah only learned financial responsibility for the sake of his dog, who is always fed and spoiled with more toys than the gang's kids have while micah survives on the McDonalds loose change menu. he has forgotten to put gas in his stupidly big truck many times and has to begrudgingly call the gang to pick him up

[incorrect-jojolands-quotes]

i have some theories for jojolands

This is in regards to Dragona Joestar and how they might become the main antagonist.

I came up with a few scenarios, some of which can be combined together, as to how Dragona would end up going against their brother.

Dragona becomes a villain to enact revenge against Jodio. Jodio does something that harms Dragona or goes so far with something that Dragona wants revenge against their own brother. It could be that Jodio had a justified reason for his actions but Dragona refuses to accept it, or maybe Jodio was framed for his actions, but nothing can convince Dragona to believe their brother's truth. Regardless, the two siblings have a fallout over this, and Dragona probably convinces the rest of the gang to turn against Jodio or leaves the group to spend the series sending enemies to Jodio before finally facing him. Maybe, we find out how influential Dragona really was in the crime world and how they use it to their advantage against Jodio. In this scenario, Dragona sees Jodio as someone who must be punished and killed for what he did, whether he even did it or not, and either never knows the truth or knows the truth too late. This feels like the most obvious, easiest ending that could result in an expected fight between family members given what we know about the siblings.

Dragona becomes a villan by trying to save the world from Jodio. Whether it be that Jodio's actions become harder to justify or Dragona ends up being manipulated or brainwashed by someone else during the series, they see that their brother is purely evil and cannot be saved or changed with just love or reasoning. Selflessly and possibly through an epiphany, they feel obligated to apprehend their sibling for the good of the world, maybe feeling regret that they were unable to prevent it from the start, and now need to stop Jodio at all cost. This ending doesn't need to be driven by revenge but it could be a contributing factor that led to the ultimate fight. Dragona ends up dying but thinking they were doing the right thing the whole time and never realizing they caused more harm than good in the end. Maybe, they thought they succeeded in turning Jodio into a good person and dies believing they succeeded. Whether Jodio forgives them for never realizing the truth is up to interpretation.

Dragona becomes a villain because they simply snapped and self destructs. Compared to Jodio, Dragona seems to be the most cautious and, as an older sibling to a psychopath, spent their childhood being expected to be the responsible older one and dealing with Jodio's behavior. They are the older sibling trying to keep everyone in line. Dragona spent years pleasing people, keeping out of trouble, and taking accountability for Jodio and others in situations where someone should have taken their own accountability instead. Years of enduring this life can cause anyone to eventually break. Once they snapped, we get to see a more deranged, insane version of Dragona that is different from what they used to be: more unpredictable, risky, sadistic possibly, and unstoppable. Jodio is no longer a brother but instead a competition, a pest that needs to be beaten and destroyed at all costs. What the siblings are competing could be one or many things: money, a parent's approval, a reputation, etc. In this scenario, Dragona takes more of a Dio role and Jodio probably becomes more like Jonathan instead.

Dragona dies but their clone is created and becomes a villain instead. Based on an observation with The MATTEKUSASAI; no clone of the Stand has been perfect or an exact copy if you think about it. Dragona dies halfway through the story in this case but is then "ressurected" as a clone. Whether this was Usagi's intention or a flaw that simply could not be controlled, this new version of Dragona is mentally altered to consider Jodio as an enemy meant to be betrayed and destroyed rather than an ally that was their brother. Maybe, they are an exact replica that simply showed Dragona's true intentions hidden underneath their predecessor's persona. Maybe, they are reprogrammed to destroy Jodio at all cost. Alternatively, the clone could have been made against Dragona's will, possibly a zombie that still has Dragona's consciousness begging to rest in peace, and Jodio needs to end the clone's life; in that case, the clone might become an enemy by simply wanting to exist as their own and fight for that chance at living.

Dragona has always been the villain and Jodio is the real victim. Note that the story has been mostly through Jodio's eyes and he seems to think highly of Dragona. But, it brings a possibility that Dragona isn't who we think they ate. In this scenario, we learn that Jodio's ASPD diagnosis was switched with Dragona's diagnosis, either accidentally or intentionally, which would explain why the results seem sketchy for a 15-year-old but not if Dragona took the test at 18 and the results switched. Dragona is revealed to be the real psychopath with ASPD who is capable of hiding their true emotions and manipulating others while appearing to be the "sane" one in comparison- us readers won't pick it up until it is too late. Dragona secretly spent years making Jodio feel bad because of his supposed issues and this was actually the long game for Dragona to pursue "the mechanisms" for themselves. Jodio is the one abused by a psychopathic sibling instead and is torn between loving Dragona or letting them go. Even after the end of the series and knowing the truth, guilt is inevitable but Jodio may be able to find his peace after surviving.

One of the things I noticed with Dragona is how similar they are to Jonathan in a sense that both are the older of the siblings and both have some sort of code-of-conduct they follow; Jonathan aspires to be a "gentleman" and Dragona apprehends their teammates when they do certain actions like steal from Iko Iko or Rohan's house. Jonathan particularly ceases all good faith towards those he deems irredeemable or pure evil; who knows if Dragona has a similar philosophy as well and Jodio doesn't become an exception.

Anyways, having Dragona as a villain would really be a game-changer, as it goes against the sort of family-bond theme that the Joestars have but does call back to how the feud between Jonathan and Dio led to the events up to part 6 .

[milekael]

HII FRIEND 7, 10 and 11 for the OC asks for laurel and olive please :3c and H for you !!

HII <3

7- What triggers nostalgia for them, most often? Do they enjoy that feeling?

Ough Laurel generally gets nostalgic when he is spending time with Frederick and thinks "Is just like the old days", like when they are hanging outside of work or they managed to fall into the dynamic he expects them both to have. Is generally a nice feeling for him, making him go "Ah yes this is why we been friend since childhood" and he tries to hold onto that feeling when things aren't that... Good, between them. Man maybe you shouldn't need to remind yourself why you two are friends...

AND FOR OLIVE OUGH I think... Way too many things cause her nostalgia now, anything that reminds her of her old life. Sometimes she can be hanging out after work with the team and suddenly she starts to close off and gets very defensive, one time they meet a young, bright-eyed Journalist and she became so protective over him. Is generally a very bitter, sad and even angry feeling that is hard to predict when it will kick.

10- What lie do they most frequently remember telling? Does it haunt them?

Oh god this one HELP So huh the two are detectives and a pair of bitches at that LOL So they lie a lot/obfuscate information constantly when talking to others (And even to each other as they work to trust each other) for the sake of getting information they want out of anyone. However bigger lies that they keep mmm...

Laurel is more of a "I am lying to myself" kind of guy. "I am happy in my position, I deserve to be here" kind of deal, he knows these are lies but goes "Well is not like I can change anything so might as well take the copium"

For Olive..... huuuh this whole deal she got herself into hangs on a lie. She tries her hardest to keep it and she feels very justified (And she is) too keep it up, however keeping it every single day in a place that she gets herself in some very intense situations is exhausting. At some point, she even starts keeping the lie around the people who are there to support her on it like Ryan for the sake of not worrying them...

11- How do they cope with confusion (seek clarification, pretend they understand, etc)?

Again both are stubborn bitches so they would try to hide that they didn't get it. Laurel would try to make sense of it in his brain, and while he keeps the information in case at some point it makes sense, if he can't find it after several tries, will most likely discard it as "Foolishness".

Meanwhile Olive does have a degree in bullshitting something out of someone, so if she didn't get something she will try to keep the same line of reasoning as the person, trying to get them to talk and hopefully explain more in the process.

That said, they are detectives working on a team, so lucky for them there are others more willing to ask for clarification (Specially if they notice these two have no clue)

AND FOR MEEE

H- What trait do you admire most?

asdfg I'll assume is which traits of them I admire and OUGH I know I make a lot of fun of her for it, but Olive's ability to just know how to talk her way out of situations is very cool, again going through life with a high CHA stat alone. She also has the determination to see her goals through even in dangerous situations, which I think is really cool <3

And Laurel! I just think being a detective is really darn cool. Plus, despite everything else he is very caring of others, normally trying to solve cases or issues they might have on his own time for their sake, very strong sense of justice even if he cannot fully let it shine through. Also, he has enough money to have aquariums with self-sustaining ecosystems and DAMN I wish it were me.

[god-whispers]

may 8

idols in our life or ties that bind

"God is the Lord, and He has given us light; bind the sacrifice with cords to the horns of the altar." psa 118:27

yes, it’s easy to scoff and say, “no way would i place an idol over God.  those people must have been so easily influenced!”  but the truth is, we have a long list of idols today.

idolatry, by its definition, is when someone or something becomes #1 in our life, surpassing God.  idols are formed when we substitute “time with God” with “time with [insert idol here].”  even good things can become idols if we aren’t careful.

a few examples:

1. sex.  a most precious gift from God to the bridal couple — not to be opened until after marriage — is the sexual union that not only leads to intimacy but also to the fulfillment of one of His first commandments to man and woman: be fruitful and multiply (gen 1:28).  today the sexual union has left the closed-door bedroom and hit the political stage.  it has been tainted and violated and abused and used to abuse.

2. technology and entertainment.  we simply cannot live without our cell phones, our laptops, our smart tvs.  what if we unplug and miss something?  like pavlov’s dog, we hear the notification ding, and we immediately look.  we cannot take a trip without our laptops or ipads or kindles, and heaven help us if our televisions don’t come equipped with all the latest apps, which we will scroll through ad nauseum because the sheer volume has left us unable to make a simple decision.  other forms of entertainment that can become idols are video games, music, musical instruments, or sports.  how much time do we spend being entertained, all by things which will pass away, rather than being in the presence of God, who will always be?

3. money, which is not bad in and of itself.  it’s just metal and paper, really.  but to pursue it above all else turns it from what we need to make purchases to what we cannot get enough of.  paul said, “the love of money is the root of all kinds of evils” (1 tim 6:10).  and so it goes.  many of us today are concerned about economics and justifiably so.  but do we put our faith and hope in the provision of stocks and bonds, or in God?

4. careers/status.  sometimes we cannot climb to the top fast enough or make the top high enough.  we earn a degree, and we want another.  then another and another.  education is a good thing to have until it becomes all we seek after.

5. relationships.  falling in love is wonderful but when the object of our affection becomes more important than God, we have made that person into an idol.  spouses, parents, siblings, friends, even our children can become idols when time with them becomes of such significance, we have no time for God.

6. creature comforts.  when i read the acts of the apostles and dig into biblical history to understand the hardships the men and women who carried the good news of Christ to the world went through, i am saddened by what we think the world owes us as today’s ambassadors.  we are not to pursue comfort; we are to pursue God.

7. our bodies/ourselves.  nearly everything in today’s advertising world tells us to look younger, work out more, dress sexier.  we have made our bodies into idols that must be looked after, pampered, cared for, and pushed to the limit.  we have placed our identity in ourselves — who we are and what we look like — rather than in who we are in Christ.  of course we esteem our bodies as the temple of the Holy Spirit but not to the extent of glorifying them.

other idols can be fame, influence, “things,” hobbies, etc.  we each could create our own list.

remember, none of these things are wrong in and of themselves.  there is nothing wrong with enjoying a hobby or working out.  there is nothing wrong with earning money or purchasing trinkets.  there is nothing wrong with sitting in first class rather than coach - or owning a coach purse.  but when these things come first in our lives, we’ve created an idol.

our uttermost devotion and desire must be towards Christ.  the greatest commandment says to put God above all else.  only then can we give love to our family and friends like they really deserve.  Jesus had some hard sayings.  "follow Me, and let the dead bury their own dead." matt 8:22 - or - "he who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me.  and he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me." matt 10:37

remember lots wife; a warning we all should heed.  she looked back at something with longing and missed out on her salvation.  i came by today to encourage you to break out, lay aside the ties that bind, and seek the Lord with all of your heart and most definitely, love the Lord God with all your heart, soul and mind.

[oh-katsuki]

the plus side to using a big ass wacom tablet is that it has made me quite techy and i now understand drivers, hard drives, scratch disks, and certain software bugs with installation and usage. the bad news is that i have a mac so i run into these problems so frequently that i have to set aside an hour for trouble shooting before i can even start drawing with it. 

[abigail-pent]

I am seeing the usual nonsense in the replies, and as a charity researcher I am begging you to learn something. It's totally fine if you as an individual are irritated by the little Wikipedia banner and don't want to donate, or if you decide not to give for other reasons. Everyone has their own priorities and I'm not here to judge you for that. I *am* here to judge you for spreading ignorance.

First: Wikipedia is not a company. It's a project of the Wikimedia Foundation, which is a nonprofit. One of the criteria for being a nonprofit, legally, is that you cannot disburse your profits to your owners. And Wikipedia abides by that. What you can do, as a nonprofit, is pay your employees a salary. This is what Wikipedia does. And frankly, this is what every nonprofit (and company) ought to be doing. Now, they do have quite a lot of volunteers, globally, but they also have some 320 paid employees. Some of those employees are paid very handsomely, yes, but this does not mean a reasonable response is "starve the whole organization"!

Second: it is not the case that we are looking at an organization that could just keep going forever without more contributions. Per their working capital ratio, if they brought in no new revenue, they would be around for a little less than two years. That is not a whole lot of time; in fact it's quite short. Do they manage a lot of assets? Yes. Are they also doing expensive things? Also yes! Wikipedia is huge, so many people depend on it, and that kind of site costs big money to host. Not even mentioning how much they must spend on keeping the site up and running and preventing the spread of misinformation there. All of those things cost money, even though a lot of labor is donated by volunteers.

Third: yes, if you look at their Form 990, they do have a fair few employees with pretty high reportable compensation. But this organization pays most of its people pretty well, and this is not a bad thing. You have to understand that nonprofit workers -- just like artists! -- may have a passion for what they do, but that doesn't mean they should be underpaid because they believe in their employer's mission. If you expect that of nonprofit workers, I'm sorry to tell you this, but you're arguing against labor rights. That argument is used all the time to justify paying people peanuts for doing important work that they love. For a big recent example, go look up any of the strikes by graduate student workers, like the one in the University of California system this past year. The (nonprofit!) institution insists its laborers work at far below a living wage. And you know who benefits when that happens? The institution. The bosses. Not the workers. So yes, the Wikipedia workers are paid pretty well; and if you'd have it otherwise, then you've got far more in common with exploitative bosses than you do with exploited workers. But on top of that: by paying workers well, you can attract and keep talent. As a worker, if you've got a transferable skill, you can try to get work at a number of different firms, if they're hiring someone with your skill. Some of those jobs are going to have extra perks, like the pride you might feel in working for an organization like Wikipedia. But how much pay are you willing to give up in order to keep that psychic benefit? Some, surely; but not necessarily a super high percentage of what you might earn elsewhere. And again, you might say: well *I* would never sell out like that. And sure, maybe you'd stick around for a while longer. But if the workplace is asking too much of you -- in terms of your time and emotional investment -- then eventually you would look at your other options with more interest. This is exactly the dynamic that low overhead costs drive nonprofits towards. Especially for a tech-sector organization, where the other firms that their workers might be interested in pay *extremely* well, you have to compensate your workers well enough, and treat them decently, in order to get them to stay. Per their most recent Form 990, workers at Wikipedia are paid about $200,000, on average. This is a lot relative to most American workers, but it is on the low side compared to most tech-sector jobs. I'm not saying you should feel bad for the Wikipedia employees, or anything like that; but it is not practical to insist that they be paid lower than they are. They are already underpaid for their industry.

If you don't want to give your money to them, if you prefer to give to smaller or more local orgs, you can just say that. There's nothing at all wrong with that. But it isn't true that they're a rich organization that's going to last forever and they're just using your donations to line their owners' pockets. They have less than two years' worth of working capital, and they compensate their employees in a manner that appears to be non-exploitative, even though those workers could easily make much more by taking their skills elsewhere. They make and maintain a high-quality public good, one which you probably use for fun or for work every day. Your donation decision is your business, but there's no need to slander Wikipedia.

hey i know a lot of you cannot donate, but wikipedia NEEDS money to keep functioning. AO3 was able to surpass their fundraising goal in days, but wikipedia has been trying to get donations for months now to no avail. that’s not a “don’t donate to AO3”, that’s a “also donate to wikipedia” or “donate to wikipedia instead, because AO3 is doing good”. if any of you can donate, please do. wikipedia is one of the best things to happen on the internet, and i would hate to see it with tons of ads or worse.

donate to wikipedia!!

[utilitycaster]

I have to say these were the most confusing responses I got; I expected the usual "but Grog/Fjord" statements because I've seen them before and because they hinge on poor understandings of the Himbo Condition, but these really did throw me through a loop.

I am completely here for anyone who wants to have a nuanced discussion of Vax's flaws! I really do, because I feel like he at times falls into the "well we mustn't speak ill of dead characters" trap and at others the offputting Liam-and-by-extension-his-characters-can-do-no-wrong-club trap; the whole "if Vax shows up for 2 seconds in the Legend of Vox Machina? I WILL SCREAM AND CRY AND THROW UP" thing makes me want to scream; and while I agree with the statement that Vax should not be reduced to Sad Boy there was this weird microtrend of being like "actually THIS member of Vox Machina was Sad One" and it's like this is not a zero sum game, what if everyone is a complex multidimensional being and the concept of The Sad One is fundamentally stupid anyway. Which is to say: Vax is solidly middle of the pack in terms of Vox Machina characters I like and the idolization of Vax/frequent reduction of Keyleth and Vex (both characters I found much more compelling) to mere appendages thereof in many fandom spaces pisses me off to no end. However: he is pretty unambiguously kind.

Vax tends to put his whole heart into everything, which is not always the best strategy, and as a result overdoes things, but his goal is almost always to help people. His thievery was primarily for his and Vex's survival and even his involvement in the Clasp was for Vex's protection. Did he go kind of hard on Kynan initially? yeah but his first instinct was "I cannot let this sweet summer child throw himself into danger and die" and his second instinct was "I need to make this up and I'm going to give him some daggers and money and talk to him" and his third instinct was "this guy was an accessory to murder of my good friend but he got caught up in something way out of his league and I am going to take care of him during his mental breakdown." Vax was patient and honest at all times with both Keyleth and Gilmore, when that could have easily gotten messy; his pranks were on the whole good-natured and minimal; I think he didn't always understand Vex very well (nor to be fair, she him) but he always tried to be there for her, as well as for Keyleth.

Vax pulled off something immensely difficult, which is that he frequently threw himself into danger and even offered his life up in exchange for his sister's, without it ever seeming as though he did not value his life; he just felt it was, well, in its own way, the nicest thing he could do. It's notable that in the moment where he stands before the goddess he never meant to swear an oath to - he wanted to pledge himself to the Everlight, the closest to a deity of kindness the pantheon has - and she tells him that he can either pass on now, or delay it for a few weeks, never to return - one of his first responses is to offer her sympathy. He shows his dedication to the Raven Queen through giving people burial rites - which at least in my religious background was always said to be one of the most selfless deeds - even thought really, that's not even what the Raven Queen is about, necessarily. He is generous to a fault, and it's absolutely honest.

Now, sure, the guy did have some extended moments of sulking (justifiably so but like, definitely still present; the Sad Boy title is not deserved but he did spend some time in that headspace) but even during that period he was generally a fairly kind person.

I should note that my two favorite characters by campaign, and a lot of others I'd rank very highly are not characters I'd consider kind (Vex and Fjord are my favorites by campaign and both are charismatic, pragmatic, and while I think they are both very good people with many moments of kindness, they are not, on the whole, defined by kindness). I tend to love the Good is not Nice trope/characters and find that more compelling. But Vax is pretty consistently both good and kind, as a person; that's just a throughline of the character and I'm not sure how one can see it otherwise.

[slytherinsnekxvii]

muggle snape au!

Eileen Prince is young when she runs away from home. The older she gets, the bleaker life seems, each year following the decades-old pattern of betrothals and politics and scandals and orders and tradition. It's tedious, and everyone knows it. No one speaks about it. She turns fourteen and then fifteen and then sixteen, and each time she sits for a new portrait, the effort it takes to maintain a smile grows greater and greater. By seventeen, she truly can't be bothered anymore.

She graduates that same year, her grades impeccable, and does... nothing. At home, there is no Gobstones team to captain, no reason to tend to the garden when there are elves about. She attends dinner parties and weddings and galas, straight-faced at her parents' side, waits for her parents to marry her off until she can endure it no longer. Six months after she turns seventeen, she attends Abraxas Malfoy's wedding, nods politely, makes small talk when she's spoken to and feels something shift at the back of her mind when she realises that this isn't what she wants. When they return home that night and everyone else has gone to bed, Eileen quietly packs her things and leaves.

She runs away without knowing where she's going or what she intends to do, but she does, and she loves. She loves the world; for years, she travels lightly and quickly so that she can see as much of it as she can, delighted in even the dusty, cracked streets of Cokesworth. She loves learning; she picks up languages and skills and all manner of things for the sheer joy of it. She loves a man; his name is Tobias and he calls her 'Leen and makes her blush and she loves until it makes her heart ache to think of him and her kisses are a prayer away from being worship.

Eileen's trouble—for everyone has their own sort—is that she loves. She loves Tobias and she learns that he is not a man who enjoys secrets, and even less a man who could bear having a witch for a wife. She loves the world and it betrays her. It shows her families, loyal and loving and cruel in the stinging way of wounded pride and the dull ache of regret, and she wants nothing more than to hate even the thought of such a thing. It shows her a happiness that she cannot have if her child is born the way that she was.

So, instead of hating the world and the hand it's dealt for her, Eileen, who doesn't love so much as she devotes herself utterly (to travelling, and to learning, and to one man), thinks of her child and promises, fierce and uncompromising, that she will love them too and she will do everything in her power to care for them.

Her son is born on January 9th, 1960, and she loves him. She loves him, and she loves her husband and she loves their family, so she holds her breath for the first three or four years of his life, waiting and waiting for any sign of accidental magic, anything at all that might prove his heritage to his father.

She gets her sign one day, when Tobias is at work and her books begin levitating without a single bit of effort from her. It's all she needs.

She loves them, so she tells herself that she is a witch and she is capable and Toby doesn't have to know. When her husband and son—her family—have gone to bed, she rifles through her old things, the few books and such that she'd taken with her when she fled from her parents' home until she finds what she's looking for.

She blows dust off the cover, opens the book and listens to the spine creaking and the rustle of paper as the book flips through its own pages. They stop, gently falling open at the potion she needs and she nods, once, determined. The ingredients are fickle things, but she'd been good at Herbology in school—perhaps even better than she was at Potions—and so, it's not much to take a very quick, very discreet trip into Diagon Alley to find the seedlings she needs and nurse them to maturity within days. The trip to the Apothecary is a little harder, but nobody's really paying attention to who comes and goes at this time of year, so she buys what she needs with what she has and she leaves.

It's an old, old potion, used for many different things, deceptively easy to brew. It was once circulated amongst the Azkaban wardens for use on particularly unruly prisoners, especially when it couldn't be justified to give them the Dementor's Kiss. The Ministry used to administer it to people like her, who ran away from their lives to make homes in the Muggle communities. People whose very existence was once a threat to the secrecy of the Wizarding World. She is about to use it on her son, to make sure that her husband never knows about magic, never has the chance to find an excuse to leave them, to hurt them, to stop loving them.

She relies on old skills, brews in the kitchen while Toby's away at the mill and Severus is at school. The day it's finished, Tobias sees it on the fire before she can hide it away and wrinkles his nose at it, asks what it is.  She grits her teeth and ignores the pounding of her heart in her chest as she tells him it's a failed attempt at a new recipe and tries to turn him back to the table. A muffled thunk catches her attention, so she looks over his shoulder, watches Severus' glass bounce—bounce—off the solid floor and quietly loses her mind.

"All right there, 'Leen?" Tobias rumbles at her, and she shakes her head and orders them both back to the table. She prepares three plates of food—recently, there's been enough to feed them all comfortably, what with Tobias dragging Severus out to the mill or the park, sometimes, rather than spending all his free time and money at the pub. Silently, she scrapes the potion into the smallest of the lot, mixes it in until it's unnoticeable except for, perhaps, the taste. She eats with her husband and her son, and while Severus does wrinkle his nose a bit, he doesn't say anything and finishes the meal.

He's sick for a week. Fever burns through his tiny body, wreaking havoc on an already poor immune system. She panics a little—it isn't supposed to last this long, why is it taking so long?—but, still, she sits at his bedside with water and cold compresses, until he breathes easy, and sleeps restfully. The fever breaks, and he goes back to school. She continues to watch him. Glasses shatter, toys do not levitate, windows remain shut and she finds herself smiling despite the guilt that bubbles under her skin, sometimes. She's just burnt out her son's magical core, after all. Used one of the Wizarding World's most ancient punishments and turned him into a Muggle.

The years pass by, slowly, and quietly, with no fanfare. Tobias takes care of his family. He calls his wife 'Leen, tells his coworkers about her, preens when Smith's wife compliments her garden. He brags about his son, real smart—he takes after his mum, then, eh, Toby?—and good enough with a ball—your lad's quick, I'll give 'im that, at least. Eileen's glad for it, because now, the twinge in her chest is all but unnoticeable.

Severus does take after her, she notices. Spends more time in his books than anywhere else, although it's never really a fight to get him running off to the park to get dragged into a game of footy. He's good with his hands, too. He helps her out in the garden, tends to the plants almost as well as she does, even if he isn't truly aware of what some of them are.

When he turns eleven, there is no letter. Instead, there is laughter when his father traipses back into the house, just in time for a late breakfast. "Your brat's nagging me again, 'Leen," Tobias teases.

"Mine, Toby?" she chuckles at him. "I'm not the one who has him after me like a duckling."

"I wouldn't have to if you'd get him out of his books an' that garden of yours."

She hums, noncommittal. "Hm, well. And where, exactly, is this brat of ours?"

"I didn't tell you? He made a friend. They'll be 'round soon enough."

"Oh?"

"There's hope for him yet."

"Does this friend have a name?"

"Something... flowery? Her and the sister. Rosie, Daisy..." Tobias trails off, his thinking interrupted by the sound of the door slamming, followed by lively chatter.

"Good morning to you, too," Eileen greets, as the pair of muddied children walk into the kitchen. "Who's this?"

"Oh—" Severus starts.

"Hi!" The girl smiles, and Eileen takes a minute to look at her, all bright green eyes and leaves in her hair. "I'm Lily."

[fatamorushortstorieseng]

The Period Before She Met Him

Writer: Keika Hanada

For as long as I can remember, I have been told that my voice make people uneasy.

For as long as I can remember, I have been told that my eyes disturb people’s hearts.

I myself have never thought that my voice or eyes were special. There is nothing unusual about my appearance either. …For the visible part, at least.

That’s why it was strange.

Why did people harbor such an impression of a normal girl like me?

I felt as if I was being judged undeservedly. Even so, as it became clear that others would stay away from me, I just had to accept it.

I’m a little afraid to interact with people. I keep on coming to school everyday, but I’m never able to make friends. I just go to study, get to the library on my way home to borrow books, then stop by the church ― that is how I spend my days.

The church I attend is small and close to my house.

I went with my mother since I was little, and even now the two of us show up at the Mass together.

The priest there is an extremely knowledgeable person. Moreover, he possesses a very open-minded way of thinking.

One day following the morning Mass, my mother and I confided in him about this mysterious constitution of mine. After thinking for a while in silence, he said this to us:

“Please be aware in advance that this is not a doctrinal teaching, but my own personal opinion. Because according to Our Father’s words, there is a determined place to go after death, and our lives and souls can only exists once until the time of rebirth. However, I’ve heard that in ancient times a similar phenomenon was referenced.”

I titled my neck at the priest’s wording and asked, “What phenomenon?”

“That the soul can return once again.”

“…”

“The circulating souls could reach the time to incarnate once again and dwell in new flesh.”

“Father, in other words… are you saying you acknowledge the existence of a ‘previous life’? Does that… goes in accordance with Our Father’s teaching?”

The priest smiled gently and said, “Well, we do now live in a diverse era. Of course, I cannot tell you with certainty that it is correct… but I cannot foolishly reject the possibility either. In any case, this is only my personal opinion.”

“…So… in your opinion, I am…?”

“You are a very serious and good person. But even so, people are still wary of you. …I’ve also felt something particular coming from you, although I couldn’t tell its origin. So I thought I should try to broaden my horizons. Maybe there is a truthful answer to be found that is disavowed in our current doctrine.”

“An answer…”

“Indeed ― one that could mean your soul may have entirely returned from the dead to this world.”

“…”

“Maybe your former life ― yes, something we could call karma ― still remains within you and affects others even now.”

The instant she heard that, my mother raised her face with a start.

“So are you saying my daughter sinned in her former life?”

Sin.

Karma.

I felt as if my heart was being pierced by an ice pick.

My first reflex was to want to just brush aside such a stupid claim.

The priest shook his head vaguely. “I have not said that―” He started, however my mother interrupted him.

“But she has scars on her body that even doctors gave up healing!”

My heart was quickly getting colder and colder.

Yes, there was ugly scars on my body that looked like burns.

An extremely creepy, frightening sight that’d make anyone avert their eyes.

That was the only thing about my appearance that was special… no, that was abnormal.

That was why I wore long sleeves even during summertime.

When my scars got mentioned, I couldn’t think of anything and just wanted to close my eyes. It’s hard to be feared by others, but to me, this indelible scar is what afflicts my heart the most. I felt hopeless to have to confide in someone who wasn’t family, even if he was a priest. However, I immediately reminded myself that my mother said this for my sake, and I scolded myself for my lack of faith in her.

She continued.

“Isn’t that permanent scar the proof of that sin?”

The priest groaned and said, “It’s possible God might have left it purposefully so that she doesn’t forget her sin.”

All while keeping my voice from trembling, I asked one question.

“If… If that is the case… What should I do?”

“Just keep on being a good person.”

The priest replied without any hesitation.

“If your former self made a grave mistake ― and if you reincarnated without receiving God’s judgment, then that means the former fault will remain with you. If so, then you will need to atone for your past sins. You are alive this way now to rectify it. And for that sake, you just have to keep on being good.”

“But Father, what does being good means exactly?”

He smiled gently.

“It means to not hate people, and to keep on forgiving.”

◇◇◇

“Don’t forget what Father said,” my mother declared just as we were leaving while she walked ahead of me.

There was a dark shadow taking root in my heart.

I had the feeling that I already knew how difficult it was to forgive people. And even without the priest telling me, I’d also felt for a long time that I had to expunge the karma that dwelt inside my soul.

I wonder how many people I killed?

Am I such a horrible human ― no, maybe I wasn’t even a human being?

But then that might be the true form of my “karma.”

If that’s the case, then I should focus on not hating people all the more. No matter what happens.

No matter what kind of treatment I receive.

Shortly thereafter, my mother actually remarried a man she met at the church.

My stepfather was a strict and harsh person who didn’t laugh much.

And my innate constitution ― the one that makes people uneasy ― applied to him as well. But older men cannot show their weaknesses to others. His uneasiness turned to anger and fell on me.

Each time I was struck by that anger, I reminisced the priest’s words.

“It means to not hate people, and to keep on forgiving.”

I kept forgiving. That man who shout with anger at me. That man who scorns me. That man who glares at me as if saying that my voice, my eyes, everything about me is unpleasant. That man who spat at me “If only you weren’t there.” And I believed that all of this happened because my soul was sinful. So I admonished myself and continued to forgive his abuse day after day, forgive, forgive, forgive, forgive, forgive, forgive, forgive, forgive――

◇◇◇

I suddenly realized I was standing in a public park under the rain.

I’d never thought I would do something like running away from home.

In the end, I could not forgive at all. That man’s anger and hatred just kept pilling up and fall on me and give me too much grief. But since I am sinful, it’s wrong of me to voice my anger. That’s why, I had no choice but to find a way to disappear.

――Why am I alive?

I suddenly thought of that while sitting on a bench.

“My life really doesn’t belong to anyone…”

My voice was much colder and drier than I’d imagined.

In the end, I wasn’t able to keep on being a good person and sinned again in this world.

For a while, I didn’t do anything and stayed in that park. Besides, I didn’t have any money given I went out on an impulse.

And then a few days passed by.

(…A sin, huh.)

(It’d be nice if someone could laugh it off for me.)

(If someone… could say that my sadness and anger are justified…)

(Could tell me that I don’t need to forgive…)

(Then surely, even me…)

…One night, I suddenly sensed someone coming to a stop.

It was a man.

He looked at me, and seemed shaken for some reason.

And then he said this――

“…Have we met before…?”

[nightowlwriting]

summary: nott is not very kind to herself. you love her, but you know that she has someone that she sends package after package to. you won't get in the way of that but you will be kind to her in a way that she understands. (part 7/13 of the kindness series, a thematically connected series of c2/exu imagines)

word count: 1.7k

warnings: mentions of discrimination because nott is a goblin, insecurity

masterlist - request - support my work? - ao3

Loving Nott takes a special kind of person. You are that kind of person.

When Mighty Nein first formed, you had kept yourself back and just observed everyone. The ways they acted, how they spoke, different intergroup interactions. You like to know who you’re traveling with and, somewhere along the way of getting to know everyone, Nott wormed her way into your heart. You don’t care that she’s a goblin, don’t care that she’s threatened to kill everyone except Caleb several times over seriously at least half of those times. You don’t care what she could have done to be thrown in jail. (Half because you know she’s a good person, and half because you know that it’s most likely just because she’s a goblin.)

Mostly, you don’t care for the way that Fjord looks down on her for stealing. You’d watched her seal everything she stole up once, and mail it away, so you know it’s not for you. She’s stealing for someone else until she has enough to justify spending the mailing cost to ship it to them. The night you realized this, you cried yourself to sleep. The force of her love for this unknown person had hit you fully in the chest, and you cried for hours. Over the months of getting to know the Mighty Nein, you’d also come to know how they loved.

It was at that moment, crying yourself to sleep, that you realized that Nott loved with her entire body and soul but didn’t know how to show it any other way than stealing things, baring her teeth, and sinking into her flask. Most of that probably came from being a goblin in a place that looked down upon them, like they were vermin rather than people. How long had she gone without kindness? How many times had she flinched away from casual touch since you’d known her? Your heart aches for her because you know that she hates herself, hates the body that she’s stuck in, and hates the way the world sees her.

By the Gods, you realize one day, she’s not even kind to herself. The Mighty Nein might be the first group of people that were wholly nice to her, and even then there was still tension because of her habits. You wonder if Caleb was the first person to be kind to her ever and have to turn your head away from your friends at breakfast to hide the way that you’re beginning to cry at the thought. But you’re lucky because it’s a shopping day. Shopping days were becoming more and more common the more money you guys got for your mercenary work - more coin to spend, more upgrades to your weapons.

For you, today, it meant more time alone. That’s exactly what you needed to put your plan into place. After breakfast you take off on your own, fumbling with your bag so that Caleb and Nott don’t notice that you’re following them to the shops they go to. The plan is last minute, a way to show Nott kindness and appreciation in a way that she’ll not only understand but hopefully appreciate.

You hum a jaunty tune as you follow them, staying about a shop back, and watch Nott as she flitters around Caleb while he shops. Every now and then, she’ll pick something up and observe it. A jar of mismatched buttons, a children’s book, a doll that is missing one arm but has a funny little top hat. You know she thinks about taking each of them and, every time Caleb stops her from doing so, she counts out her coin to see if she can afford it. Nott cannot afford any of them - last night she’d been determined to buy everyone a round in the bar and had burnt through most of the last payment you all had received. You had watched her do that, knowing that she wouldn’t be able to buy anything.

That’s why the plan had fallen into place as well as it could for a plan made over breakfast in your head while you were juggling conversations.

Nott deserves nice things. She deserves kindness - she deserves kindness in a way that she will understand and not be able to misinterpret. Her life has been so hard and she has been so unhappy in the past. You just want to make her happy. Want to be the one to give her that kindness, the ability to send her packages filled with love without burning through all of her cash. You want to love her without telling her how you love her because you’re definitely not ready to tell her that.

Besides, who’s to say the packages aren’t going to a lover?

So instead of pulling her into your arms, instead of telling her all of these things and being upfront with her, you use your shopping day to inadvertently show her and tell her all of these things.

Once Caleb and Nott leave the shop they’re in, you duck into it. You snatch up the buttons, the children’s book, the doll with the funny little hat and you buy them. They’re pricey for a consignment shop, but you hand over most of your coin and put your treasures into your bag before heading back to the street. You’re not too worried about being essentially out of money because, well, it takes a certain kind of person to love Nott. You are that kind of person. It doesn’t matter if you don’t have money, because you’re not above stealing to make her happy. You would do anything to make her happy.

The day continues and you amass a lot of things to give to Nott. When you get back to the tavern and retire to your room, you’re still on the fence about whether or not you want to give them to her in person or in secret. When you think about the pressure receiving so many gifts will put on her, you decide to give them to her in secret. Of course, it’ll be too obvious if you stretch out the gifts over weeks or months. She’ll eventually be able to figure out that it’s someone in the group and, eventually, she’ll figure out that it’s you. Nott is very smart., no matter how much she would like to pretend she is not. You empty your bag and pack everything into it, another plan falling into place as the sun goes down.

Jester comes to announce that they are going to go downtown for dinner and you brush her off. “I have a headache,” You say, scrunching up your face to make it believable as you stand by the door, “I think I’m going to take a nap and eat something here before bed.”

She worries for you, offers a spell to make you feel better, but you brush her off. “Not when you’re going downtown,” Is your excuse, “I want you guys to be prepared always. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if you wasted a spell on me and then something happened.”

“Makes sense,” Jester nods. Her eyes are wide and trusting and, honestly, you almost feel bad for lying to her. “I will come and check in on you when we arrive home!” She kisses your cheek and is off. You stand at the door for a minute more, turning to shut yourself back into your room when Caleb and Nott pass you. The bag heavy on your hip burns like she’s going to be able to look at you and see what you have for her.

“Are you not joining us?” Caleb asks, brows furrowing. Nott looks up at you with almost the same expression and you almost give in. Almost join them for dinner, just so the worry on Nott’s face goes away. You hold your ground.

“No, I have a headache,” You repeat your lie, “I’m just going to bunk down for the night after I get a snack downstairs.”

Nott reaches for your hand. “Well, Jester can heal you.” She says, “So that you’re not in any pain.” You smile at Nott and hope you’re not blushing at her care for you.

“Ja, or perhaps I could try.” Caleb shrugs. “Healing magic is complicated, sicher, but I can figure it out.”

“I’m okay,” You squeeze Nott’s hand, and she squeezes back. “It’s nothing big and, besides, we wouldn’t want to make our little cleric jealous when you learn how to heal, ja?”

“But you are hurting,” Nott shakes her head, “You shouldn’t just let yourself hurt when there’s a way to fix it.” Her words carry more weight than maybe she intends them to and you find yourself almost crying again.

“Nott, I promise you it’s not that bad,” You smile and squeeze her hand again, hoping that your hand isn’t becoming clammy, “I’ll get something small and then sleep it off.”

“I will come check on you when we get home.” She says, finally taking her hand back only to wring it nervously in front of her. “And Caleb didn’t put the string spell on our room, so if you want to go lay down in there, you can. We’re sharing with each other and I’m sure that Beau is going to challenge Fjord to another drinking contest. She’ll be loud when she comes back to your room.” Caleb sniffs and you know that she hasn’t run that past him.

“Thank you, Nott,” Your throat is clogged with emotion but you decline. “I hope that by the time you come back I’ll be better.” You feel sort of bad lying to your friends, but it’s for a good cause. (Also you reason with yourself that if you don’t feel bad about stealing those things for Nott, you shouldn’t feel bad about lying so that you can sneak into her room and hide the treasures amongst her things for her to find.) So you lie. You let them leave. You sneak to Caleb and Nott’s room and hide the trinkets and treasures among their things for them to find in a few minutes, a few hours. a few days, a few weeks.

Hopefully, it won’t make her suspicious. Hopefully, you’ve hidden them well enough. Hopefully, they are kind enough and they make her feel loved.

[stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale]

One quick question, why do you hate Before the Storm? I actually really liked it. It could be because I'm a hopeless romantic, but I just want to see your opinions on it

Oh boy, where to even begin...? I cannot stand bts... it actually hurts my insides to think about how much I hate this game haha.

[note: yeah hi uhhh... this is long because of course it is, it's coming from me but listen, my feelings for this game are not nice and I have a lot to say so.... my bad]

One of the bigger reasons, though not the biggest, is Chloe... I'm not exactly a big fan of Chloe. At all. Not in the first game, nope. I understand that so many people love her and they have their reasons for that, that's fine, she's just a character who doesn't appeal to me. If anything, she pisses me off because I can see the foundation for such a compelling character, but it all gets thrown away for the sake of bullshit.

So then they plop bts in front of us with Chloe as the playable protagonist in a prequel story about her and Rachel Amber. This is an opportunity to expand on her character, to tie into the first season and make me feel more positive feelings about her character, to do what the first game failed to do..... and to be fair, they DO have a few of them sprinkled in... but then they're overshadowed by the garbage.

It's just... the ideas are there, and they're ideas that I like but they're executed so poorly. I want to like Chloe Price, I can see that there's something good here.

Like okay.... lemme do a thing:

Chloe Price. She's going through some serious shit after her dad dies. He died unexpectedly in a car accident, something Chloe had zero control over, it's not fair, and even though it's not like the universe singled her out and said "fuck you," it feels that way to her.

On top of that, her best friend who she adores? She moves away. Not something that's in either of their control, they're kids at this point. However, Max stops contacting her and that hurts Chloe. Chloe tries to stay in contact, but eventually Max stops responding.

Then you have her mother, who's also grieving after losing her husband and dealing with her daughter pushing her away and on the wrong path. She meets a man and falls for him after realizing she still has a long life ahead of her and that's too long to be miserable over her husband's death, William wouldn't want that, and David is a source of comfort for her... something she's not getting from her daughter. The problem is that David and Chloe don't get along in the slightest... which leads to Chloe feeling like her mom is trying to replace her father by moving on, not understanding why Joyce's timeline of grief isn't the same as hers, y'know?

Oh, and can't forget that Chloe has fallen onto a not so great path of drugs, booze, bad grades, lying, staying out late without letting her mom know where she is, pickin' fights, making friends with drug dealers, stealing money and other items, all that. She's bitter, angry, unable to understand most of her own complex emotions and that only makes her even more upset. She's unable to express them in a healthy way, she doesn't ask for help, and denies it whenever offered.

So... Chloe's starts out as an extremely entitled, rude, obnoxious character. She insults the bouncer in the cringiest way possible because these adult men writing her don't know how teen girls talk, she steals money and a t-shirt from a dude who works for the band because $20? how dare? even though bands don't make a lot of money and a lot of profit comes from their merch but who cares about supporting artists you like, right? Chloe sure doesn't. She probably buys some weed from Frank because yeah, she's got a dependence on the stuff now. She gets into a fight with a couple of dudes after spilling beer on them.... but what's this?

Oh look, it's Rachel Amber. Y'know, the pretty, popular, talented, smart, perfect, charismatic girl from Chloe's school?? yeah, she's at the concert and saves Chloe from the dicks who attacked her, and the two girls spend the rest of the concert together.

Now, for some reason, Chloe isn't sure but Rachel has taken a special interest in her. Rachel is flirty, she wants to know who Chloe is, she asks her to skip school with her, and the two take a ride on a train to a park and... honestly? pretty romantic, and it plays into that escapism fantasy thing of having the pretty girl who everyone likes single you out, making you feel special.

Over time, the girls grow close. Rachel has some family problems and seeks comfort in Chloe. They spend nights walking together down empty streets at night, holding hands. They hang out and talk about the stars, they discuss Shakespeare and what it's like to actually be your true self, if there's actually such a thing. They get tattoos together, and Rachel helps Chloe color her hair. They have a special hideout they decorated together in the junkyard. Rachel spends the night at Chloe's enough that she ends up leaving a lot of clothes there. They daydream about running away together, long road trips and living big in LA.

Chloe starts to see Rachel as her angel because for the first time since Max, she feels like she has someone she can be open and honest with. Rachel almost seems too perfect to be true, y'know?

And hey, over time Chloe actually starts to kinda get her life on the right track, if not in an unconventional way. Sure, she's still dealing with losing her father. that's not something she'll just get over... but she does start making an effort with her mom, and yes, even David after he told her about his time in the army and gave her that photo. They both know they'll never be friends, and they'll still have arguments, but they'll at least keep the peace for Joyce's sake.

It's not all perfect, though. Chloe's still smoking and Rachel isn't always the best influence. They get into trouble here and there, but nothing super serious.

She dropped out of Blackwell so that her mom didn't have to keep paying her tuition and because she's fixated on this fantasy of running away with Rachel. Chloe's feeling good about herself, about her future, for the first time since her dad died.

Until Rachel disappears.

And everything goes to shit pretty quick after that. Rachel's gone, she's not answering calls or texts, and everyone keeps saying that she probably ran away, but Chloe knows better. She knows Rachel wouldn't leave without her, so something must've happened. She makes posters and puts them everywhere, but things only get worse.

Money is tight. Joyce isn't making as much as she needs at the diner, David isn't making enough as a security guard, and hey... they might lose the house... the house that was once Williams, that's a piece of him he left behind. Not only that, but where will they go?

Chloe doesn't want them to lose the house, or for her mom to be this stressed out over food and bills. Chloe borrowed money from Frank in hopes of using it to run away with Rachel, but with her missing... Chloe decides to give it to her mom in order to save the house. Joyce is alarmed that she has this much, but Chloe manages to lie her way out of it to give her mom some peace of mind.

Except now she has another problem- she can't pay Frank back and he's getting more aggressive about it as the weeks go on. Rachel's still missing, Frank's breathing down her neck with threats toward her mom, money is still an issue at home, and she's not in a good place. Chloe's desperate enough to steal... so when she makes it into a bar that doesn't card her and she sees rich boy Nathan Prescott drunk off his ass and flashing bills, she thinks it'll be an easy score. It's wrong to do this, it's dangerous, but Chloe justifies it to herself. She needs that money.

She didn't expect Nathan to drug her drink, and she wakes up to him taking pictures of her. She manages to get the hell outta there, but she still has no idea what the hell happened to her. Like.... that reeeally fucks with her, it doesn't even feel real. She can't tell anyone, she can't tell her mom, and the police won't do anything since they're under the Prescott thumb.... and well, she decides to blackmail him.

And we all know how that goes.

So... we have the highs and lows of Chloe Price. She's flawed, even starting out as unbearable, but over time she becomes more nuanced and you're invested in what happens to her. You want to see her better herself, you want her to work through her grief and get help, you understand why she hates David but when you see him and Joyce happy together and him make an effort to be better, you want to see them make amends. You know David doesn't want to replace William, hell HE knows no one ever could.

You want Chloe to keep going, to find purpose in her life and realize her own potential. You saw her at the beginning when she was broken, when she was lost and didn't see a future for herself, and it's satisfying to see her come this far to where she knows she has a future... something that becomes all the more tragic when you remember her fate in the first game.

You're invested in Chloe and Rachel's romance, you get giddy watching them flirt and do dumb, romantic, cliche things, and you're just as compelled by Rachel as everyone else. No, she's not perfect, she's not a stereotype, she's much more layered than that and it only breaks your heart when you realize that she's killed later on, that of course she's going to go missing... you already know that! So you're watching Chloe, who has gotten pieces of her life back together and is genuinely happy.... fall back down the pit, fall back into the habits she had at the beginning, and you know it will lead to her downfall.

.....TOO BAD BEFORE THE STORM DID FUCK ALL WITH THAT RIGHT?

Nope, you don't get any of that. Well, except Chloe being cringy. You get a lot of that.

No, no, we got edgelord, flanderized Chloe who thinks her wit is much greater than it actually is, whose terrible moments outweigh the good, and who doesn't grow or change no matter what influence you try to have over her.

Rachel could be replaced with a literal barbie doll and little would change. She has no charm, she's nothing like what she was described in the first game, and she's just so fucking unlikable. When she finds out that her mom isn't actually her birth mom, she claims that her whole life is a lie and her parents aren't real and she wants to meet her druggie mom who chose drugs over her for 15 years because she's the one who actually squeezed her out.

Which, by the way, WHY is this the goddamn plot?? Why did they feel like they had to shove in this "oh hey Rachel's dad is the bad guy, oh wait now this drug guy is the bad guy because he stabby Rachel, no wait now her dad is the super bad guy because he put a hit out on Rachel's REAL mom, oh no wait it's fine because Frank murdered drug man off screen" WHY YOU DO THIS??

You have three episodes. THREE. And in those three episodes, you have the opportunity to explore Chloe as a character, and her relationships with Rachel, Joyce, and David. But instead of dedicating the story to that, something you could've created a compelling narrative out of, you threw in this dumb mom plot and fire-

HOW THE HELL DID I FORGET THE FIRE????

What- why did- does she have- Rachel just- RACHEL SETS THE FOREST ON FIRE??? WHY THOUGH???

I get it, "Rachel is the fire" yeah yeah and it's dumb.

Oh and because we didn't have enough going on, here's a side mission where you gotta deal with getting money from this other kid who's running drugs for big bad drug man because he wants to help his dad who lost his job.

But WAIT, there's more- In a series where several girls were drugged by Nathan and Jefferson, forced to pose for pictures, and some even killed or driven to try and take their own life? something taken so seriously...? Victoria gets drugged and it's treated like a joke. Even worse, there is a path that has Rachel drugging her, and no one cares.

ALSO.... Rachel cheated on Chloe with two adult men, remember? One of which fucking murders her?? and we're just... we're just not gonna do anything with that??? Nothing??? Maybe a little stinger at the end but that's it????

I just..... I hate this game so much.

It had so much potential. Not only that, but it had the first game to look at and learn from. Learn from the mistakes that game made and improve upon.... but instead, they fucked up even worse. It's just a game of fanservice that has way too much going on, is trying to do too much, and loses focus on the most important things.

Three episodes could've been enough to explore different points of Chloe's character before the events of the first game. They could've crafted a story that gave more insight into her life that make sense of the choices she made, that turn her into the Chloe we see in the first game. You don't need a forest fire, you don't need evil lawyers. I know the first game had the storm and time travel and big dumb Jefferson, but you wanted to tell a story that's grounded without shit like that... y'know, before the storm.

I could probably go on and on if someone doesn't stop me, so I'll stop myself here... I hate bts because it's potential was there, I could see it in a few key moments, and it was wasted.

The romantic ideas fall flat because being pretty and gay isn't enough for me, I need more than that. I don't care if they kiss because I don't care about their relationship, and frankly, they've done very little to make me care about them as individuals.

UGH

.......does that answer your quick question? haha sorry for the not so quick answer, but like I said, this game makes my brain mad and once I get going, it's hard to stop.

[greenmegsnoham]

"What's the point of Ship and Let Ship if people are...ya know...gonna ship things I don't like?!"

Oh, my sweet nonny... let's dig a bit deeper into this.

Everyone has their own belief system and moral platform. Everyone has an opinion over what is right and what is wrong, and frankly, never in our lifetime or any other will that opinion be the same for everyone.

We are all humans of different experiences that can think or believe one thing one day and then have a different experience that completely disrupts that manner of thinking. This can have huge life-altering impacts or something personal that affects no one but ourselves.

For example. I am vegan. I believe that using animals for food, clothing, accessories, money, etc is wrong. Not everyone thinks that way, and yet I can coexist in a world that is very not catered to this belief system. I can sit down to a meal with my family and still love them and respect them even if they are eating something that I won't. I have not been vegan since birth. I spent over 2/3 of my life eating meat, etc. I could go on and on about how "you and everyone should be vegan and here's why," but I won't. At least not right now.

But what I will get into is how we interact with creative / fictional content is our business. I know many of you are going to roll your eyes when I use "that same argument pro-shippers always use:" it's just fiction.

The average sane individual is able to find the distinction between what is real and what is fiction/fantasy. You know why? Because even if some days don't feel like it, we can manage our day to day lives working, spending time with friends and family, learning a new craft, volunteering, getting married (or don't), having kids (or don't) and also enjoy sitting down with a horror novel describing the disemboweling of a main character with our evening tea. We can play first-person-shooter games without wanting to kill actually living humans. We can enjoy the 'forbidden and taboo' through books, games, movies, and other entertainment without condoning those things in our everyday lives. Just because you cannot make that distinction, that's on you.

"BUT BUT AN ADULT/MINOR! That's just wrong!!"

In real life, yes. That is frowned upon. Though I've known plenty of 15 & 16 yo dating 18 & 19 yo from my teenage days. Freshman/Senior? All the damn time. The age of consent also changes from state to state here in the US (circling back to everyone having different opinions of right and wrong). That's just facts. But should a high school student and a teacher be together irl? YIKES. No. Should your teenage bestie be dating your dad? Hell no! All real life relationships should have consent and respect, which is hard to justify in adult/minor situations. Also a fact. That is why collectively as a society we see issue with those kinds of relationships.

But, I can also want to devour age gap/teacher x student/boss x employee/power imbalance/age play fictional content because it's... well... spicy as hell! You can't tell me there aren't themes that a character could use the dramatic arm-on-brow swoon "no...we cannot! what would they say?!" and not have your knuckles turning white gripping your book/kindle/ipad/whatever because you just want to scream "DO IT DO IT DO IT!" We know it's wrong and we want it to happen anyway? We find it thrilling and erotic to push boundaries and break the rules.

The number of times I've heard (or read) someone say: "I feel so guilty that I found that hot. I should be disgusted with myself." Why? Why do you feel that way? Because someone made you believe you should because they find your fantasies/kinks wrong. You don't have to justify to anyone why A B or C turns you on. And I guarantee you could walk into a supermarket and meet at least one other person who gets turned on by 'the weird wrong shit' too. Are they a threat to society and in need of being locked up for the safety of humanity? No! They just want to know if Wheaties or Total have the least amount of sugar.

Hell, I'm a sex-averse asexual! The idea of having sex with someone is really not appealing. It makes me extremely uncomfortable. But for whatever reason my brain says I can read my fictional erotica and kinks and get all hot about it. And I love that I can explore sexual desire in that way when it isn't something I can share with another human.

If it is enjoyed and explored in safe ways, like through fiction or roleplay with a consenting partner, don't feel bad and just enjoy it. Lord knows we need more joy in our lives through all the hate and judgement we are bombarded with day to day.

I'm not a Psychotherapist or New York Times bestselling author, but Esther Perel is:

Why Do Sexual Taboos Make Up Our Sexual Fantasies?

Why, indeed? It's almost like society wants us to feel ashamed and guilty for what arouses us? Who'd have thought?!

So, yes. There are reasons why Ship and Let Ship, Your Kink is Not My Kink and That's Okay, and Don't Like; Don't Read exist and have been around for over a decade. You don't have to justify to me why you like what you like or don't, and neither do I. We can coexist by choosing who and what we want to interact with.

So, from the bottom of my heart, nonny, I hope you never have to feel like what you enjoy is wrong. Because it feels like shit! 💕

man "ship and let ship" kinda stops working when ppl are actively shipping minor and adult characters together like hello?? same with the "dont like dont read" mentality, some shit shouldn't be fetishised maybe??

You've got a lot going on in this ask, anon, and it's obviously not asked in good faith. If I were a smarter human being, I'd delete it and move on with my life, but it's 9am on a Saturday morning and I'm still on my first cup of coffee so I'm just dumb enough to take the bait and respond.

Ship and let ship doesn't mean you need to approve of what other people are shipping. It doesn't mean you need to like what other people are shipping. It means that what other people ship is their business and what I ship is my business.

If I don't like a ship, I don't read it. I don't search out the tag. I don't try to find creators for it. I don't watch youtube compilations or stare at gifs or read meta analysis about how the ship is supported by canon.

If I don't like a ship, I just... don't think about it. It really is that easy. And when I do think about it, I might be annoyed for a moment, but then I move on with my life because guess what? Shipping is a meaningless hobby that I engage in during my free time and I don't want to waste my free time feeling pissed off.

I've seen a lot of bizarre definitions of "minor/adult" shipping, but even if we use the definition of an adult sexually abusing a child, it's still very easy for me not to read that story on AO3. I'm assuming this is all about AO3? It always seems to be in this kind of ask.

AO3 requires people to use one of two warnings in those cases. Either Underage or Creator Chose Not to Use Archive Warnings - or both. I use the filter system to remove works with those warnings from my search results and guess what? Those works might as well not exist for me because I've never seen one. And I've been on AO3 since about 2013.

The thing about these kinds of opinions is that they only ever come up in relation to shipping. I never see these opinions related to violence or drugs or swearing or whatever else you might find morally repugnant. But the handy thing about "don't like, don't read" is that it applies across the board.

I don't think I'm going to like the new Jurassic Park movie, so I'm not going to go to a movie theatre, spend $15, and sit in a dark room with strangers for two hours to watch it. I'm not going to read reviews of it. I'm not going to watch the trailer. If a friend of mine invites me to go see it, I'll pass. I won't stop my friend from going to see it, though. If they're going to enjoy it then they should - and they're not going to fetishize dinosaurs or paleontologists or the tourism industry when they do.

If you're not able to control your own reading habits, then you should probably be more careful on the internet. Use Net Nanny or other content filtering tools to make sure that you can avoid the content that you're unable to resist through willpower alone. But don't make your inability to stay away from things you don't like my problem. That's all on you.

[trutimeline]

idislikecispeople, The Most Infamous Dyscourse Blogger: Part 1.0, Rumors

idislikecispeople, also known as many names throughout her time on Tumblr (such as Adele, Kat, Mami, Samantha and Sayaka), was a former Tumblr blogger who became infamous for coining the term "tucute", among many other controversial things she has posted on her blogs. This was supposed to be one, very long masterpost about her, but Tumblr's post editor is a bitch and won't let me do that.

In this post, I'll be debunking or confirming rumors commonly spread about idislikecispeople. The rest of my posts about her will each be dedicated to a specific controversial belief she held or situations she got into. For simplicity's sake, I'll be referring to idislikecispeople as Kat for the rest of this post and future ones.

Rumors

Kat Coined the Terms "Truscum" and "Tucute"

Verdict: Partially True

Kat coined the term tucute, but she did not coin the terms truscum or transmedicalist.

Here's a screenshot of Kat's original definition of a tucute:

Transcript:

What is Tucute?

What does tucute mean?

Tucute is basically just the opposite of truscum, it’s a term and community for trans, nonbinary, and/or non-cis individuals created to separate anti-truscum from truscum and to serve as a safe place from truscum and from cis people, where they believe that being trans requires dysphoria, we do not,where they think that being trans is a medical condition, we do not,and where they deny numerous gender identities on the basis that it “discredits the trans community” we do not.

What are the prerequisites to be a part of the tucute community?

You have to be trans, nonbinary, and/or non-cis in general

You have to accept all pronouns and gender identities

You haveto believe that dysphoria is not necessary to be trans

You have to dislike truscum

You cannot side with truscum or believe in their ideology

You cannot misgender anyone no matter how mad they make you

You cannot be an ableist whatsoever

Did you invent the tucute community? Why?

I indeed did coin the tucute term and community and anyone who says otherwise are creeps who are trying to steal it from me and redefine it for their own nefarious doings. I started this community so anti-truscum could separate themselves from truscum and cis people who are a part of the truscum community, it serves as a safe space from both truscum and cis people.

I’m cis, can I be tucute if I believe in your movement and want to help?

No, you can’t be tucute if you’re cis, you can only be a tucute ally, and you need to be sure to never speak for or over a trans person.

I see a lot of tucuties being just as harmful as truscum, what will you do about it?

There isn’t much I can do to them other than ask them to stop aligning with the tucute community, and of course, that doesn’t mean they will. Also be noted that truscum and cis people will pretend to be tucute just to tarnish the name of the tucute community, so tread lightly, you might be talking to a wolf in sheep’s clothing.

Spread the word, use the tag #tucute and join the army today!

[A digital drawing of Sayaka Miki from Puella Magi Madoka Magica in her magical girl form, with a banner underneath her reading "Tucute 4 U!"]

(source) (source)

Kat Was a Cisgender Woman Who Lied About Being a Transgender Woman

Verdict: False

This rumor primarily comes from a post on Kat's oldest known Tumblr blog, chromaghost, where she claims that she wasn't MTF and only tagged a selfie as such because she thought that transgender people were "cool".

Transcript:

Anonymous asked: are you a mtf? i seen it tagged on one of your photos.

No lol. I wanted to post it to the tag because transgender people are cool :3

(source) (source) (source)

However, Kat addressed this post and made it clear she very much was a transgender woman multiple times on her later blogs. This claim can also be confirmed with nude photos Kat posted online, which I don't feel comfortable spreading, so you'll just have to trust me on that one. I also don't feel comfortable directly encouraging you to go and dig up those nudes, as most of her nude photos were either taken when she was a minor, spread without her consent and/or were uploaded because people pressured her into posting nudes to "prove" she was a transgender woman.

Transcript:

Anonymous asked: you bound with ace bandage in one of your selfies. i don't know what to think about you anymore. according to some people you're a 27 year old cis woman scamming us, but you say you're a 22 year old trans woman. i want to trust you but i don't know if i can. i'm sorry.

Rest assured I’m not 27 years old lol. What you’re referring to is a less than graceful ~art piece~ we did (”Playing a Boy” or something) on deviantART when we were 16/17 (?) and really ill-informed. I ask you to not take that as how I stand currently – as I have learned so much more since, and I have a penis and I was designated male at birth because of it (feel free to purchase a passcode to our nsfw blog to see for yourself). At the time we were developing breast tissue but still had to appear as a ‘boy.’ Don’t bind with Ace bandages, kids, it can damage your rib cage, something we didn’t know at the time.

(source) (source)

Transcript:

[A picture of two prescriptions, estradiol and spironolactone, both prescribed to Adele Sheffield.]

grandtran still gonna think I photoshopped it or what

(source)

Transcript:

Anonymous asked: In other words, you aren't gonna cough up the pics because you know you can't fake that shit because you're actually cis. Cool. BTW why do you keep changing your story about the blog, and if the blog was run by you when you were in denial about being trans because of self hate, why were the pics tagged mtf and you were constantly saying trans people were cool?

Yeah I’m not gonna do something for y’all and get nothing in return except more doubt from you, you see how one sided that kind of request is? Also its technically considered sexual harassment, just because its on the internet, you’re a coward (whats your username btw?), and you think I’m cis and you want me to prove time and time again to you that I’m dmab doesn’t justify sexually soliciting someone when they’re not comfortable in being solicited – for free no less.

At first I genuinely had no memory of that blog, it was only active for all of 2 months and for some reason I moved onto a new email and new tumblr, and I haven’t the foggiest why. As for the whole “me claiming to not be ~mtf~” I don’t have any memories from that time, I can only assume it was a lot of dysphoria fueled self-hatred and wanting to be seen/pass as a cis girl lesbian.

If you’re really gonna solicit nudes from a trans woman (a second time) as they do sex work to try and stay on their feet without offering anything in return just so your transmisogynistic ass can get off to trying to tell me my dick is fake isn’t classy at all. I perish the thought of what you’re parents would think of this behavior from you. But yeah, feel free to send some money to my paypal so I can get the gender markers on my records changed because that’s gonna cost a lot apparently, and I’ll definitely send you the dick pics you want. :)

(source) (source) (source)

Transcript:

[A picture of a a hospital bracelet on Kat's wrist. The patient's name is Adele Sheffield and her sex is labeled as "M".]

(source)

Kat Lied About Having Diabetes To Get Money From Tumblr Users

Verdict: False

This doesn't need much commentary from me, just view the screenshots below.

Transcript:

To the people who keep harping on me buying a $15 video game for my mental health 7 MONTHS ago “with my donation money,” well, here you go, some proof, links and screenshots provided

So for everyone spreading misinformation about me spending $15 on a video game for my mental health, here’s a full list of reasons why there is no way, shape, or form I spent my paypal money on it:

Yes, I spent $15 of my own money after selling one of my possessions, not denying it:

[A screenshot of a Tumblr post by Kat where she shows off a copy of Fall Out: New Vegas, marked with a price of $14.99. The date of the post is marked as July 21, 2014 at 06:28.39 PM.]

Be sure to look at the date, July 21st, 2014 6:28 PM. Now lets look at my first donation post asking for help:

[A screenshot of a Tumblr post by Kat where she asks for donations to be able to afford insulin because she has no insurance. The date of the post is marked as July 20, 2014 at 08:14.00 PM.]

Hmm, one day before the purchase of said game, July 20th 2014 at 8:14 PM. Now, I’ve never heard of a video game store — much less a non-chain video game store accepting payment for video games in the form of virtual Amazon gift cards, have you? Oh, but you’re gonna say, “well you bought the game with your paypal donations anyway!” Well, here’s exhibit C:

[Another screenshot of a separate post made by Kat where she is also asking for donations to be able to afford insulin. The date of the post is marked as July 23, 2014 at 12:27.46 PM.]

Again, looking at the date of this posting which is the original donations post, you can see it was posted on July 23rd, 2014 at 12:27 PM, a full 2 days after I had bought the game. Now, if there’s no way for me to use Amazon gift cards for a real life video game store, then how can I go back in time a minimum of 2 full days to give past me $15 to buy said game, hm? This isn’t even accounting for the fact that I didn’t even have my own bank account associated with it until over a week later, and it surely doesn’t account for the fact that it takes up to 5 days to transfer from paypal to your bank account. All the dates are linked to the original unedited posts so you can see for yourself, and for added measure my first deposit was on August 14th, 2014:

[A screenshot of a deposit made by Kat. The date is marked as 08/14/14.]

Oh but yeah, anti-sjs, truscum, and the like took damniwishidthoughtofabettername’s postthey used to gaslight us with misinformation and you all bought it. Tell me how I could misuse donations that I could not use outside of Amazon and money I didn’t even start receiving until a full two days later, let alone the fact that there’s no way I could have transferred said money and used it two days prior as of the date of the paypal donations post.

I hope some of y’all could reblog this and get the word out, I’m sick and tired of people buying into that misinformation that person did solely to gaslight me as a means to try and disrupt my donations drive.

(source) (source) (source) (source) (source) (source) (source)

Transcript:

[A selfie of Kat holding up a vial of Novolin to the camera.]

Hey anon, I don’t feel comfy giving you my receipts (because doxxing is a thing) but here you go, a selfie with my most recent insulin purchase. 👽

(source) (source) (source) (source) (source) (source) (source)

Transcript:

Anonymous asked: Getting desperate for money again I see. How is your fake diabetes lately. I bet your blood sugar is like 800 this time and you're still able to be alive somehow.

You got me, I’m ~totally faking~

[A selfie of Kat. In the background several items used by diabetics are seen such as insulin syringes, glucose tablets, a blood sugar tester and test strips.]

[A picture that gives us a closer look at the background of the previous selfie.]

[A selfie of Kat holding up two vials, one of Lantus and the other of Humalog.]

Gee, must be one dedicated faker, right? To have hundreds of dollars of insulin equipment and insulin itself. Hmmm… Insulin syringes, glucose tablets, a blood sugar tester and test strips.. oh and insulin, hmmmm….

Oh and because you didn’t learn from last time you don’t die instantly when your blood sugar goes over 600 lol, something anyone who studies endocrinology can tell you, and I would know, being a diabetic, having to be hospitalized numerous times for ketoacidosis where the blood sugar has been too high for too long. Things you clearly do not know and you’re just jumping on the disableist bandwagon. I have an idea of who you are anyway, just doing this for future reference.

(source)

[ryanmeft]

Movie Review: Promising Young Woman

Your reaction to the opening scene of Promising Young Woman might say a lot about you. A trio of finance ‘bros at a strip club talk about a female colleague in unflattering terms. One of them notices a woman who is drunk, by herself and who might be suggestive if she were sober. Two of the men don’t much care whether she’s sober or not, but the third seems concerned, and tries to help.

Have you seen the film? If not, I’d suggest you stop reading. You want to go in blind, not because the story has any fantastically inventive or original twists, but because of the fresh way it presents otherwise tired revenge-fantasy tropes.

If you have seen it, I’d like to quiz you on your reaction to the opening scene. Did you think:

A: “It’s good one of these guys is decent and wants to help.”

Or

B: “Something about this whole thing seems off to me.”

The very-much-not-drunk woman’s name is Cassie, played by the perennially underrated Carey Mulligan, and she makes a habit of this. The “nice guy” of course attempts to take advantage of her, and she leaves his apartment the next morning with blood on her, not hers. She does this not for herself, but for a friend who was sexually assaulted in college.

If you knew anything about the film going in, you expected that. What’s refreshing is where the story goes from there. Cassie returns home to her parent’s house. Her “lair” is her room, an ordinary, if upper-class, quarters. She works at a coffee house, drives an ordinary car, and eventually acquires an ordinary boyfriend (Bo Burnham) who is cute enough but not Hollywood Hot.

Most revenge-fantasy films strictly avoid questions of where a character lives, how they earn money, who their family and friends are, and what they do when they aren’t revenging. That’s even more true of movies starring women. We seem unable to imagine them as both hardened action stars and having a regular life. In movies like Atomic Blonde or Ocean’s 8, the heroes operate out of temporary digs, and if we do catch a glimpse of an apartment, it’s not the kind of place humans actually live---there are never any messes, and nobody spends even a single night on a Netflix binge. One recent film simply titled Revenge gave our heroine absolutely no background or story at all.

This often works, on a sleek, superficial level. What elevates PYW is that it eschews that sleekness for messy reality, so that when Cassie takes revenge on one of the many people she blames for what happened, she still has to walk out onto an ordinary street, drive to a real house in a real car, and so forth. Most avenging angels are simply transported from one setpiece location to another by editing. You cannot picture one of Liam Neeson’s retribution-obsessed action heroes actually driving somewhere---he simply teleports.

The movie later suggests she does not kill her targets, but instead terrorizes them and sometimes tortures them. You may well wonder how she gets away with this---how she fools assholes into taking her home despite leaving them alive to spread the story. The movie never says, but if you’ve been around this particular type of guy, you already know. Men such as Cassie’s victims never see a woman as being their equal, and thus cannot perceive one as a threat to them. And if a woman does get the best of them, they’d never tell the authorities. Both things would threaten their sense of dominance. When they tell their friends the story, you better believe they re-write it to make themselves look good.

All of which naturally begs the question: what is Cassie achieving? A lesser film in this vein might be content to say that revenge is enough. Emerald Fennell clearly found that approach lacking. Cassie is not a mindless, emotion-free robot of automatic vengeance, but a broken person driven to break people who deserve it. One of my favorite comics, 100 Bullets, is built around the ability to get away with justified murder, and ranges widely in terms of the fates of those who take that chance.

Cassie would fit right in as a character there. The men she targets deserve their fate. Yet her crusade is destroying whatever was left of her as her ends justify more and more extreme means. She eventually confronts the Dean of her former med school (Connie Britton), a woman who has a history of allowing abusers to walk free because she places her social class above both her gender and justice. The Dean deserves to squirm, but however correct Cassie is in what she says, what she does to torture the women would make any parent hate our protagonist.

There is no way this is not deliberate on Fennell’s part; you cannot write a hero such as this one and expect us to agree with everything she does. She is not out to ruin the lives of merely abusers, but of those who looked the other way. The moral dilemma is that Cassie does not care who else she hurts to make those people hurt. Anyone is fair game for her schemes if it accomplishes her ends. There’s no way for a person with a soul to be that focused on getting the job done without internalizing some of it, taking that darkness on themselves.

The pivotal moment showing the damage Cassie is personally incurring is not very dramatic. She visits a woman who was a friend when they were kids, and talks about the friend who is gone. This is simply an ordinary woman---we have not seen her before this scene, and we do not see her after, because Cassie has isolated herself from her life. She lives on an ordinary street, and the two talk like you or I might talk, not like a screenwriter would. You could quite easily walk down this street and past them talking, and not know anything important was being discussed.

Could this be a comment by Fennell: “Sexual assault doesn’t appear dramatic, and is all around you”? It works on that level. I chose to see it as a means to ground Cassie in a life like ours, to elevate her above the killing machines we see in many movies. Real survivors don’t become superheroes; they have to go on with life. Cassie is a great hero because she has to do that, too. Our satisfaction at seeing assholes punished is muted somewhat by how much of her soul it costs her. Verdict: Must-See

Note: I don’t use stars, but here are my possible verdicts. 

Must-See

Highly Recommended

Recommended

Average

Not Recommended

Avoid like the Plague

You can follow me on Twitter here, if you want more posts about film and video games and sometimes about manscaping:

https://twitter.com/RyanmEft

All images are property of the people what own the movie.

[cali-holland]

How Perfect You Are- Tom Holland One Shot

Pairing: Tom Holland X Reader

Prompt: After a rough day, Tom’s there to cheer you up.

Word Count: 1600

Warnings!!: cyberbullying, mentions of anxiety, self-image issues/slut shaming

Masterlist   Tom Holland Masterlist

*Gif is not mine*

A/N: This has been sitting in my drafts for a couple months now, and it was written way before the rumors (because nothing has been confirmed by him yet) of Tom having a girlfriend. Respect Tom’s privacy and do not send hate to him or any of the people he is connected to, romantically or otherwise.

~~~

It was a rough day. Like a really rough day.

It seemed like every single uni assignment was due this week, and work was just the worst. You had a raging migraine, and your boss even offered to call someone in early to cover you, but you refused. You needed the hours, you needed the money, you didn’t need the constant searing pain on the top of your skull like someone was trying to pierce through it with a knife.

But you pushed through until you got home. The house was silent, just like the past few nights whenever you arrived home. Tom knew you had a lot of school work to do, so he tried to stay clear of your way. Earlier this week, he attempted to keep to himself in the living room while you worked in your shared room, but he found himself wandering into the bedroom periodically. He had been away filming for months, only to return during one of the most stressful parts of your school year- midterms. He just wanted to hold you, be with you in any way he could, but that was just distracting you and he knew it.

So he made himself busy at Harrison’s place for a few hours every night. It gave you enough time to buckle down and focus on your work, with him coming home shortly before the two of you went to bed. It was hard, but midterms were a bitch and Tom wasn’t about to help you with your fifteen page paper among other essays. 

When the clock struck 11 pm, you knew Tom would be home soon and that you should probably stop working in a sad attempt to help your migraine. You changed into your pajamas (which consisted of one of Tom’s t-shirts and your own pajama shorts) and continued to go through your nightly routine. Laying down in the king-size bed, you snuggled down into the warm sheets. As tired as you were, you couldn’t fall asleep until Tom came home, knowing he’d be on his way shortly- after all, Harrison’s home wasn’t far from yours.

Waiting in your comfortably warm bed, you began to scroll through Instagram, wondering what you could have missed in the endless hours of you being offline for studying and work. You smiled to yourself when you realized Harrison had a saved Instagram live posted. Your smile grew even wider once you clicked on it and Tom appeared on the screen beside him. The time stamp of the video showed it was from an hour ago.

They were goofing about, being their normal selves and answering some questions from the comments. One question in particular caught your attention as a fan asked if you and Tom were still together- wow, so much for privacy.

“Yes, we are. She’s studying right now, working very, very hard. I love her loads, so yeah, of course we’re still together.” Tom laughed, almost disbelieving a fan would actually ask such an oddly invasive question. As Harrison continued on and answered another question, you began to read the comments that were drifting over the screen.

‘Can’t believe Tom’s still dating her’,‘They’ve got to be fake- there’s no way Tom would date someone like her’, ‘Tom’s really got bad taste’, the comments kept coming through for the next few minutes. Your eyes shifted to rest on Tom’s face, who seemed rather unbothered, like he hadn’t been reading those hurtful words that not only mocked him, but you and your relationship as a whole.

The live didn’t last long after that. You were grateful that there were no more questions about you specifically. Tom would mention you here and there, but he always did that. You were his favorite thing to talk about (except maybe, you were tied with Tessa) and so he struggled to not constantly gush over you. 

You both knew when you started dating, almost 2 years ago now, that you’d be opening your life up to criticism. You were all for bettering yourself and hearing the opinions of other people, but that was with constructive criticism to help you become a better person, not crazy fans that hated you for no legitimate reason. It was definitely a challenge, but you kept your social media all private, only allowing people you know to follow you, like any normal 23 year old would do. Tom tried to keep his posts of you to a minimum, just sometimes he couldn’t help it. He loved you, and he wanted to show you off to the world; however, he did acknowledge the uncomfortable position it put you in.

It wasn’t like you hated his fans, no you loved them. There were some, though, that you didn’t appreciate, and you felt justified feeling that way. They were just upset over seeing their idol be “taken” by you- at least, that’s what you told yourself. You constantly had to remind yourself that no, you were not fat like they said; no, you were not stupid like they said; no, you were not ugly like they said; no, you were not undeserving of Tom like they said. You were you, and you were a great person, you liked yourself.

That was the mindset most nights, but tonight was not one of those nights.

Everything was stressing you out, your anxiety certainly was not in check. Those comments did nothing to improve your mental state, and yet you still found yourself on Tom’s account, looking at the pictures he had up of you, looking at the comments underneath them specifically.

‘Attention whore’, ‘cover up slut’, ‘her dress looks like vomit’, ‘why is Tom dating her’, ‘she doesn’t deserve him’, ‘their relationship cannot be real’. Each comment stung, yet you couldn’t pull yourself away from reading through them over and over again. Your vision began to get blurry from the tears that had welled up in your eyes. You rubbed your eyes, trying to hold yourself together, and threw the phone away from you- you didn’t care where it landed, it just couldn’t be near you.

“Ow!” Tom shouted, and you immediately removed the hand from covering your eyes.

“Tom?” Your voice came out as more of a pathetic squeak. He turned on the light and you could see he was rubbing his knee, where you assumed your phone had hit him.

“I didn’t mean to scare you. I just got in.” He said, placing your phone on the bed and beginning to change into his own pajamas.

“Oh, no, it’s fine. My bad.” You mumbled. You picked your phone up and took one last look at the Instagram comments.

“Is everything alright?” Tom asked. He turned off the lights and got into bed beside you under the covers. You wordlessly shrugged a little and set your phone on the nightstand beside you. Tom wrapped an arm around your waist, pulling you closer into his warm, bare chest. His brown eyes softened, sensing something was wrong. “What’s going on, love?”

“I’m just stressed.” You replied quietly.

“I know when you’re ‘just stressed’. Something else is bothering you. What is it? You can tell me.” He frowned, his hand coming up to move a few loose hairs out of your face before he rested it on your neck with his thumb gently rubbing your jaw.

“I feel like the whole world hates me. School’s awful, work’s awful. And you get to go hang out with Harrison while I’m drowning in just work, and I feel like a bad girlfriend because you want to spend time with me, but I don’t have time for anything. And then, I go online and I just see all this hate. I know that they’re your fans and you love them, but it’s just so draining. I can’t handle it.” The tears were freely flowing from your eyes at this point. Tom shifted so that you could cry into his chest, and he held you tightly, reassuringly caressing your back as he did so.

“Hey, I love you, more than anything in the world. Don’t feel bad that you can’t spend time with me right now. Midterms and work- that’s your life right now. You’ve always waited for me, so I’m going to wait for you. As long as I get to come home and see your beautiful face every night, I’m perfectly content.” He paused and let out a small sigh, “And as for my fans, I’m sorry. I wish they could just understand. I love you, you are my girlfriend, our relationship is real, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Nothing that they say about you is true. Now, who is the most beautiful, kind-hearted, mesmerizing, brilliant woman I know?”

“Your mum.” You said, muffled by his chest.

“Who? I can’t hear you.” Tom teased. You pulled back to look at him. Despite the dark room only being illuminated by the moonlight creeping through the window and the alarm clock perched behind you, you could still see his kind smile as he looked at you. “Don’t say my mum. Come on, who is it?”

“I am.” You replied, unable to stop the small smile that crept its way onto your face as Tom nodded encouragingly.

“You are the most beautiful, kind-hearted- what else did I say?” He paused with a laugh, realized he’d forgotten his own words.

“Mesmerizing, brilliant?”

“Mesmerizing, brilliant woman I know. There’s just too many adjectives to describe just how perfect you are, darling.”

“I love you.” You smiled softly, leaning in to kiss him.

“I love you, too.”

~~~

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