#like i by no means know how healthy parent-child relationship works. but i know im not friends with my parents | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

rottingsparrow · 2 years

Text

Part 5!! Re-reading Lore Olympus :) Ep. 41-50

I just finished reading the new episode too so I have things to say about but that can wait for like in two weeks when I get there lmao Last part:

Ep 41

Simple dialogue is nice once and a while

I know they are supposed to be love at first sight but its so awful to see how they act even if i was crushing hard on someone if they acted like that id be weirded out

“Lets go the scenic route” nah she almost died let her breathe

“Who is that woman” shes 19 you referred to her as a kid

Ah yes the barley mother part of the storyline

It so weird to me its like rachel wanted her to be rich bc she loves painting poor people in a poor(heh) light

Why is it raining atm

Ep 42

PERSEPHONE STOP STANDING LIKE THAT

What a poor way of thinking hades yes you two shouldnt be together but your thought process is unhealthy talk to your therapist

You are so gross hades just dont look at her

Hades really says “sexualise her outfit”

I hate to be that bitch but apollo was right. Not about her needing to change but like in the presence of hades apparently anything is too hot for him

Why does his have a hair comb

“Youre a fertility goddess” ok so thats a whole thing bc later its seen as a myth within the community and everything so what

“This is out of the question” and it shouldve ended there

Ep 43

Also he has the right to turn it down lmao its his company

Hera wont think youre weak

Or maybe she will shes a lil fucked up

“Little goddess, I said no” wow what a normal and healthy power dynamic that isnt questionable at all

Rachel really went all out for unhealthy dynamics, boss and employee, king and citizen, 2000 smth y/o and a 19 y/o. Lets throw in teacher and student why not. Maybe even parent and adopted child

“Im king here” like i said, unhealthy.

“Oh shit i cant make her rich that would make no sense to her problems” dont worry, just make it to where she doesnt use her moms money

Also hades how stupid are you to not see shes hustling you i mean maybe at first but

I do like her wanting to be her own person even tho i think that gets muddled throughout the story

Why is it snowing now wtf

Also shes not gonna die from snow hades wtf

She can go outside on her own

Ep 44

What a weird thing to do introduce an intern

Like wtf let your employees go home

Minthe has a point

Its a very cute scene but then you like remember everything else and its like omg

Like him laughing and her being a lil embarrassed is so fun but tied with everything its a tad weird

Yeah you shouldnt persephone and yall should get boundaries

Persephone why didnt you tell on her genuinely

Dont be rude hades

Persephone has a point, no reason to be super mad

Oh btw heres apollo just incase you forgot he was bad. Did i mention hes bad?

Ep 45

I like this episode while hes contemplating his feelings and then he goes “her ass looks like an upside down heart” and i lose any happiness i had

Like youre 2000 control urself

And im not saying persephone isnt allowed to be sexual or sexualized but the age difference, hes her boss, and also at this point in time she doesnt like it so

Why did you bring the paper from work what

Ep 46

This is one of the prime episodes where minthe gets fleshed out but then rachel says sike later on

ALSO ITS ONLY BEEN 4 DAYS SINCE THE PARTY

Please people can have a day of relaxation where nothing happens

“Neither of us are relationship material” yall definitely let those lines blur

Shes right to be worried

Also hera is so racist to nymphs

“I know im trash already” me in like middle school

No its good to expand on her character

“Thats what everyone expects” is it? I mean how long have you been acting this way yknow

Like i want more context for that line

Idk is hades monogamous

Also zeus does cheat on his wife a lot maybe hades would

He dosent but

“I thought we were supposed to be messed up together” and i think showing a two sided toxic relationship is a great idea but rachel forgets to show hades being bad too most of the time

Also please see a therapist

Ep 47

He has a typewriter old man

“Why do i pay that hack” good point i mean you dont seem to listen to them

I dont get why he gets back with minthe like fear of being alone or what

I like the letter episode though, its nice to hear all of the feelings

Why is she on the roof lol

Ep 48

I love the furies(?)

Hes supposed to be so spooky in this episode hes so lame

Like i agree with them hes a dork

Wow everyone either likes or despises hades/persephone they are such characters

Has anyone heard of a neutral opinion

Minus his employees i guess

Ope he has glasses

Ep 49

I love the random characters getting names its so silly yet fun to me

Hecate please unpop ur collar

Good talk hecate

Does he not care thats the king

In the “salutations” panel hecate loses all meat and becomes very long

Also if these are laws why does no one follow them

Or wait is weekly nark an olympus based newspaper

I always thought he asked “which eye did you take the picture with” but he doesnt so ig im thinking of something else

Also what the fuck just ban him or smth

Ep 50

Yeah artemis maybe it would be easier too if you paid better attention

Shut. the fuck up apollo

Also how is artemis getting taken advantage of here

Love hermes

Hc him as a gay man personally

“There are rules” that literally are never listened too

Also artemis sucks at listening wtf

Like wanting to talk and getting onto someone are two different things

Also like once again, artemis feels likes choosing to be unaware yknow

#anti lore olympus #lore olympus #my opinion #lo critical #lore olympus critical #random thoughts

4 notes · View notes

smoczycaposting · 1 month

Text

Theres a lot on my mind right now. Its been on my mind for literal weeks

Ive finally got my ADHD diagnosis and meds, but my psychiatrist also has opened my mind to the fact that most of my struggles actually come from being heavily parentified.

I agreed with my sister that our relationship and trauma with our father was easier to deal with cause its so black and white. He was a dickhead and didn't care. We are all no contact with him.

But its more difficult with mothers. It always is. She should be understanding. She should care about us. She should care about me. After all ive been her support the longest. But i'm still treated the worst. I already knew i was a parent to my little brother. Ive guilted and shamed myself for not raising him better. But ive been only 13 when it started. I was a child raising a child. By all means ive already experienced motherhood, the bad sides of it mostly. But what never occured to me is that ive also become my moms partner. It feels odd realising you're in situational-emotional incest with your own mother. Dont get me wrong, she's not incestuous. It just happens that im her support, her person to rant to about work, to stress over finances, to discuss raising at this point our son. And it fucks you up. It never occured to me that my problems with having a deeper relationship with people stem from me already being somebodys partner.

And it bothers me.

Im very alloromantic. I feel in my bones that theres nothing i crave more than a loving healthy relationship, and it feels almost impossible to acquire. I feel like old time poets, writing sad pieces about feeling broken, empty but most of all hungry. And its not a hunger you can easily sate.

I feel awkward around people, anxious and stressed, but people dont see it cause my ADHD is making up for all of it with too much energy and bringing attention to myself. But they still feel it and i know they do. Ive also spend years wondering what is wrong with me that people dont want me. Overthinking my personality and my looks. Only to realize im extremely neurospicy as my sister calls it, and im not ugly but i dont fall into the narrow cage of what is considered pretty.

Its everything that hit me like a truck after barely two meetings with my psychiatrist, that just causes my mind to truly melt into a sticky mess. How do i deal with my insecurities, my traumas, my disfunctions without falling apart?

But i didn't fall apart yet. Im strong but the dr also advised me that we shouldnt be strong all the time. That it hurts us. That we need to be vulnerable most of all with ourselves. So that's what im trying to do. Talk with myself about my problems but not blame myself for them. Be sad and comfort myself, be angry and find the peace within myself. After years of emotional neglect from others and from me, i am finally letting myself be vulnerable in my own presence. And i dont know about other people, but i know i can give myself the support and love i need even if sometimes i feel weak.

0 notes

worfianism · 2 years

Text

OBI WAN KENOBI SERIES FINALE THOUGHT OMG SPOILERS AHEAD BUT OMG

OMG WHAT AN EPISODE

It is so so so good to see him again. Obi Wan Kenobi, Jedi Master, Guiding Light of the Galaxy

The confrontation between Vader and Obi Wan OMG, Obi starting in his traditional pose. Obi Wan in tears as he apologises to Anakin. I am not your failure Obi Wan. The way obi wan was holding back in the beginning, his fears and his grief holding him back until he realised who he was fighting for. Obi Wan then absolutely pummelling THEE Darth Vader so that he remains the Master and Anakin is still the padawan, the child who has much to learn. Also that duel was incredible, to see the Obi Wan who can take down Darth Maul in two moves, who smiles before he lets Vader kill him on the death star. I mean this is how you do character growth. You show us the beginning, you show us exactly why there's a change and you show us that change in all its glory. Also im seeing small parallels to the Ahsoka/Vader duel in Rebels and just like in Rebels, seeing Anakin's face, hearing his voice was absolutely devastating. Obi Wan calling him Darth and walking off, leaving Anakin right where Obi Wan left him last time.

Reva going after Luke in retribution. Owen and Beru, protecting him with their lives, it really puts their death in ANH in perspective, they weren't just Clueless farmers who were unlucky, they were protecting their child with their lives. Reva unable to kill Luke because she knows deep down that her jedi siblings do not want revenge. Obi Wan helping her realise that she is free and that she is not fallen beyond redemption, another main star wars theme. The Jedi Younglings received their honour, their deaths were acknowledged.

Anakin Skywalker continues to pick the dark side and we get the imperial march as he does. He actually acknowledged his agency in his fall which is something even the fandom doesn't sometimes, finding literally anyone to blame including Obi Wan but Vader spelled it out very clearly and that finally set Obi Wan free.

Leia, at only 10 starts to become the leader and rebel that she grows up to be. She is everything obi wan told her she was, that part where tries to reassure her that her birth parents were excellent people made me tear up so much but I love that Leia realises that it doesn't matter anyway because she has loving parents who are also excellent. As much as I sometimes wish Anakin hadn't messed up so much and he and padme had had a better relationship and they lived happily ever after with their kids, it's hard to really want that when Luke and Leia both had loving, caring, healthy families that made them the people they needed to be.

Obi-Wan meeting Luke and we get a Hello there!! Obi-Wan, finally allowing himself not to live as a shell of a person, packing up and moving out and building relationships and being a Jedi again. Obi Wan SMILING MULTIPLE TIMES THIS EPISODE.

QUI GON JINN FORCE GHOST

Just Obi Wan the Jedi Master finally becoming who he needs to be so that in 9 years when he gets that message from a young princess he once knew, he can help her save the galaxy and start his old padawan on the path to redemption

I loved this show so much. All the people (not so much on here) complaining and saying it was filler or it didn't make sense obviously didn't watch the same show. Of course its filler, that's the whole point of the show but the character work is the plot of this show and it did excellent character work.

#star wars #obi wan kenobi #i mean what am i meant to do with my life now #this show also combined prequel and pre anh rebellion era star wars which are my favourite eras of star wars #also gave me even more jedi and obi wan feels than i originally had #v makes a post #v watches x

6 notes · View notes

cursed-saphire-hart · 2 years

Note

Im sorry if you ever get tired of Eddsworld stuff considering you're getting back into homestuck. I'd participate in more of that but I don't know anything about it so ive come to bother you with 2 things on my mind

1: Is it weird to imagine that if Anya's social circle was a little bigger when she was a kid (including teen years), she could have gotten by a little better??? I mean ofc it was bad regardless of exactly what happened to her because abuse and neglect are just bad but like. I think about how if given the option, some tend to stay away from home as long as they can. Give the fact her parents just don't care, I don't think it be that big a problem if Anya left the house for a while, perhaps staying with a friend. If she had friends who knew what was happening to her, they could try to work to get her out of that situation or at least try and give her what her parents wouldn't (Proper sustenance, support, etc.). I think if she'd been around a bit more positive influence, she'd have a better understanding of how she deserves to be treated, rather than boiling things down to "we can coexist without them trying to kill me its fine"

I know she had Jenny, but other than her, Anya didn't have a lot of real people (and by that i mean people who arent faker than plastic, like her exes) in her life. And while no doubt Jenny did all she could, and one person's actions can mean a lot, Jenny is, as stated, just one person

Anywho on a much lighter note

I remembered Purple Perfume and recalled seeing aesthetic attraction described as "wow that exists" and I just

👏👏👏

Don't worry, I don't mind still talking about Eddsworld stuff, it's still alotta fun, I'm just a little burned on it after my insta and tumblr feed being a wall of drama for a bit (anxiety likes to kick ya in the crotch)

Gonna put a read more here, cuz this is another long one.

I do wanna confirm that Anya did have friends as a child, they just sadly weren't very close. I said in a very early post that Anya couldn't speak very good english when moving to the UK when she was 10 (I dont remember if that changed in said post, I'm just going off my most current notes) but as a younger girl when she was still in Russia she was actually very social. But when moving to a new place, and having her only barrier of safety gone, that drastically changed, and it wasn't helped by the fact she couldn't speak the same language very well.

While I know there are good teachers and people out there who would jump at the chance to help a child out of a bad situation, sadly during the time Anya was a child/ teen, less people knew how to handle this kinda thing, and found it easier to just not get involved.

I can at least confirm there were friends and nicer kids in her school that helped out best they could by sharing lunches with her, but kids can only do so much, and with her parents labeling Anya as "a slow learner" to her teachers to excuse why she could speak clearer English yet, and having "Eating problems" to doctors, a lot when unnoticed. She literally couldn't speak up for herself due to her parents neglect to put effort into helping her learn a second language she suddenly NEEDED.

To her, Anya was truely alone. If it wasn't for her instant reaction to physical pain, she might not have survived as long as she had, or at least she never would have broken up with her 3rd boyfriend (the first to abuse her physically)

On that note, to turn to a lighter topic.

Purple Purfume is one of my favorite minor AUs. When reading up on poly relations, I found it pretty interesting to read about situations like Matt, Amanda and Marks with that au, where a straight woman, a bi man, and a gay man could have a very healthy poly relationship.

Like every relationship, it doesn't have to be based solely on physical or emotional, so long as there is understanding and communication between all parties, it can work with many dynamics.

In this case, they all love each other, but for different reasons and attractions. Matt is attracted to both partners, and he loves the, dearly. Amanda and Mark have a good relationship, but can be described mainly as friends, they love each other and find each other attractive in an objective way, they're just not "in love". Amanda understands Mark is gay, which means he's not sexually attracted to her, and she's ok with that, being a asexual and poly romantic woman.

Mark can find woman aesthetically attractive, meaning if he sees a woman who is in fact cute or pretty, he can recognize her as such, but that doesn't mean he's sexually attracted to her. Him and Amanda get along, and he apricates her as a close friend who he shares a boyfriend with, as well as personal interests. She makes him feel loved and comfortable, but doesn't push the boundaries of his sexuality (which yes, even in todays world some people find surprisingly hard) Which is what makes it work between them, since its not about sexual attraction, it's just about having a shared bond.

Matt loves them both and is happy so see them get along. For him, it's just about being with the ones he loves, seeing them happy, and knowing he's provided a safe place for them. He's fully aware of Amanda's asexuality, and doesn't overstep as much as he can, if he does, he apologizes and steps back if or when needed. With Mark he's fully aware Mark is not inlove with Amanda, but they obviously get along without Matt always in the middle. He doesn't feel the need to make them get along better, or that the relationship would 'be better' if they were in love, because he feels loved by both, and even if it's not the same kind of love, he knows they have a bond.

Poly relations can be a bit messy, and yes, sometimes unhealthy for a big number of reasons just like monogamous relationships, or relationships that float on other dynamics. Story and character building wise, they can be very interesting to explore the different dynamics, the reasons each character has, heck even how the era would effect such relationships. Hopefully I can keep making interesting topics for all of you to read and enjoy :33

#eddsworld #poly representation #poly relationship

14 notes · View notes

mreugenekrabs · 2 years

Text

im pretty sure all my followers are porn bots but this is for whoever sees it and needs it

i have no idea what the fuck im talking about virtually ever; in this case, however, listen the fuck up. if you or someone you care about is/has been struggling with an ED due to diet culture / family comments etc etc. please stop using a scale. please reassess your relationships with food. please. i’m going to start w my story and end with what i can say that might help. TW talk of bulimia anorexia and binge ED.

growing up, i had overweight parents. they were always dieting. i ate weightwatchers food growing up. and jenny craig. did juice cleanses. did tummy teas. did adkins. followed along the whole time because my parents made it very clear my metabolism would be shot very soon and i’d “look like them.” when i was 12 was the first time i ever really fell into a physical eating disorder beyond binging on the weekends. i was puking my meals as a fucking 12 year old child. i would only net about 900 calories a day max but usually would do 500/400/300 alternating. the thinspo movement was full fuckin force in 2011 so i followed nothing but extreme calorie drop diets all throughout said movement. one day, a friend and i stole diet pills from kmart around age 13. i would take one only on eating days. these worked for awhile until i no longer knew what hunger was. i still don’t have a healthy relationship with food 10 years later and have no concept of what hunger in my body feels like. rumbling can be anything. digestion, thirst. beats me. as i got out of middle school and a bit further away from thinspo and wanting a thigh gap; i started to only desire to be pretty for those around me. thin was becoming less important in terms of thighs and ass, so my only issue was my belly and my “gma arms” and of course eventually my large tits. (against my will i grew honkers that hang. and trust me my whole life small boobed girls make sure u know how lucky they are to not deal w this.) in high school, especially early on i started to completely restrict food. i think this is because it’s a time period where comparing yourself gets way too easy. i justified starving myself by eating a cookie a day. im eating whatever i want so of course 500-900 calories is just fine paired with a 1000 calorie volleyball workout. i had senior girls (who i later found out also were dealing with EDs) tell me i looked so skinny and they would ask how. the praise is always never ending when you look thin through an ED. now imagine my surprise when i drop out of volleyball and go through a depressive episode and develop a heavy binge ED (the one im still struggling and stuck with) and can do nothing but put on weight even if not eating most of your day. adult bodies work a lot differently. learning this has been really hard. hell, stretch marks and thoughts of loose skin are even harder. unfortunately though there’s only one true and sure way to lose and keep off unwanted weight and it’s to be mindful of your calories. end of the day, log them all. if that triggers you, just stick to three meals a day, no leftovers. snack on fruits, veggies. 2000 cals a day is pretty standard but check online to see what deficit is right for you. you have to have a HEALTHY CALORIE DEFECIT to see progress in your body. your body needs carbs and fats for energy. keto is not sustainable and neither are any diets restricting an entire macro. even intermittent fasting is just fancy talk for starving yourself. fasting everyday literally means starve yourself. except for 6 hours a day does not mean your body isn’t being starved. of course i am no where close to being a doctor, but as an ED veteran, please forget about the scale during your journey. whether you want to maintain your weight or lose weight; do what is healthy for your mindset. i personally only weigh myself once a month in the morning only. i don’t restrict any food but buy any food that may trigger a binge in small portions. sucks to have tiny packages of something you could buy in bulk, but if it helps it helps. lastly, please be gentle on yourself. your body will NEVER be what it was in high school and even if you can reach that place, it will be hard to stay there and any deviation from that “goal weight” is gonna hurt like a kick in the face. as afore mentioned i am still in recovery and am working away from this 10 year old burden. just don’t be like me and put it off until your body hurts. your skin is all you really have.

#personal #eating disorder #eating disorders #binge eating disorder #anorexia #bulimia #body image issues

7 notes · View notes

yamagucji · 4 years

Note

Hey there! So excited to see what your writing and blog, I think it’ll be great and I believe in you 💖❤️ could I request Kuroo with a pregnant s/o, him finding out pregnancy, during birth and after the baby comes (who happens to be Kuroo’s mini me)? I love domestic headcanons haha. If it’s too much though feel free to condense it or not write it! Thank you! ❤️💖♥️💜

pairing: kuroo x fem!reader

a/n: this was a bit of a hard for me to write since i don’t really have knowledge on pregnancy and it’s also not something that’s appealing to me :( but i loved the challenge overall! ty anon for requesting this, i put a lot of fluff <3

month 1:

the first moment you realize you’ve missed your period, you’re instantly running to the nearest pharmacy to fetch a pregnancy test

when the tests come out positive, you’re in shock. starting a family was all you and kuroo had been talking about once the two of you finally settled in

kuroo will find out about the news when he opens the gift box that has your testing device nestled inside

he will be overjoyed! the thought of starting a family with you is something that he’s been looking forward to for a while now

kuroo will definitely be one to spread the news fast, telling family members and friends

kuroo: guess what? im gonna be a dad!

kenma: don’t name it anything stupid.

bokuto: hey hey hey!! does this mean im gonna be an uncle?

akaashi: congratulations kuroo :) i hope the best for you and your family

tsukishima: *typing...

tsukishima:

month 6:

by now, the bump on your stomach has grown noticeably

kuroo will often have a hand over your stomach, giving it little kisses or talking to your future baby

please he is so soft to you and your baby i just KNOW he will be best dad

kuroo will also be the most enthusiastic with baby essentials

he’ll have read books about parenting 101, or “how to be a good dad” and whenever you see him indulging in stuff like this it just warms your heart

as the baby develops, it will get harder and harder to do everyday stuff and you’ll definitely be experiencing symptoms

kuroo is aware of this! it’s canon that he has good scientific knowledge so i think he’ll have done some research about this

he’ll be more attentive to your needs and will be by your side whenever you need him

month 9:

kuroo will have already taken days off of work around the time of the estimated arrival

he’ll be the one to take you to the hospital and will be so good at trying to calm you down otw

he was a captain afterall! he’s observsnt, attentive, and caring. there’s definitely beads of sweat going down his forhead but he will remain calm for you

when the baby arrives, kuroo is “🥺” he’s very emotional rn

seeing him hold the baby is something that you want to engrave in your memory

5-6 years later

you’re currently eating breakfast with kuroo and your child. it’s held a little earlier than usual because of a special reason

it’s your child’s first day of school!

they’re both dressed formally, kuroo in his suit and your child in his school uniform

your child will also have a bed head!! one of the first things he’s copied from his father is his sleeping habit and it’s a little worrisome like please bb im scared you might suffocate don’t copy ur idiot father

rn they’re currently engaging in a conversation about making friends at school, and social manners and it puts you at ease knowing that your child will do well on his first day

kuroo is the type of parent to make sure that his kid grows up in a healthy environment and KNOWS how to make healthy relationships

these two boys like to clown around alot but sometimes you’ll take a peak in the room their in and hear them having serious conversations about who knows what

please kuroo your child is like 6 but we stan

kuroo likes to joke about how you basically printed a copy of him😔 it just means more trouble for u

anyways when the two of you drop your kid off to school, you’ll see your child instantly making friends with the other kids your hearts go: 💕💖💞💓

kuroo’s a little dramatic so he might shed a fake tear

kuroo will pick up your child from school since your shift ends a little longer

the way he spots his child (other than the bedhead) is like some marco polo game but instead they’ll shout “oya?” “oya!”

i just KNOW he will take ya’lls child to go hang out with bukoto like this owl is a child himself so it’s a match

overall 10/10 family with the best dad

a/n: why does the tumblr app show the rq twice !!please if someone knows how to fix it lmk😔😔

#haikyuu #kuroo x reader #kuroo testuro #haikyuu x reader #kuroo tetsurō

535 notes · View notes

shattered-catalyst · 3 years

Text

Intro to OCD for the RPC part 1/?

This is a balmy 6 page document on the VERY BASICS of OCD by a person who has had OCD for over 15 years and knows their shit.

If you want to write a character who has OCD this series is going to be a good starting point. If you dont know much about OCD I encourage you to read it so you can be an ally to those of us who have the disorder.

OCD is made into a cultural joke and when there isnt the ‘Obsessive Cat disorder’ bullshit its an angst off with other people and their non-ocd intrusive thoughts. Its different. Do your research and be an ally.

This will cover the very very basics. The next post will look into subtypes of OCD and how those are experienced.

Whomst can write it?

Literally anyone as long as you

● Do so respectfully and not make a mockery of the disorder and the harm it causes in peoples lives

● Dont make OCD the characters single thing or boil them down to it entirely ● Do respect the experiences and opinions of muns who have the disorder if they have concerns about your portrayal.

● Dont milk it for angst - unless you have OCD in which case release some of your angst.

● Dont try and say you know what intrusive thoughts are because they have *insert any other neuro a-typical thing here*

● Dont police how Muns who have OCD choose to portray it. Its our experience not yours. I like to write out my characters OCD as I experience OCD so my experiences are different from other muns. OCD is very diverse in its effects but always ask if you arent sure.

. What isnt OCD?

● Cleanliness or organization- OCD is NEVER an adjective.

● Planning/ Hypervigilance/Organized/Methodical

● Turning light switches on and off, unplugging things (find out more on later time)

● “I have to organize my pencils otherwise it bothers me” “ I have to make sure my mattress is straight” “ my nails have to be the same length” are all typical responses from people WHO DO NOT have OCD.

● Making sure objects are lined up neatly

● Having things go in a particular order like the letters CDO as the joke goes

● Really loving Cats, Corgis, or Christmas; if you own any of these items i urge you to reflect and also send me 10$ (jk but do reflect)

The Barest minimum

Google OCD this will be an advanced version of OCD. This will be long but if you want to be aware of others or want to write the character you will read it.

OCD is made of Obsessions. Triggers. Anxiety, Compulsions/Rituals.

1. Obsessions are the thoughts

2. Triggers are the object/person/image/situation/smell ETC

3. The Anxiety occurs is at uncomfortable levels to the point of panic or anxiety attacks

4. Compulsions or Rituals are performed

*There is a variant of OCD called Pure O. In this individuals have the obsessions triggers and anxiety but there is NO compulsion or ritual. This is still valid OCD.

Obsessions are the precursors to the flawed unwanted and harmful intrusive thoughts:

Im going to use you so you really understand this because its important.If you misunderstand this you are basically encouraging a mental health condition and dont get a sticker for reading this far.

First check out this link as it has ALL the subtypes and examples.

Obsessions can be hidden by the intrusive thought and teasing them out can be difficult to do if you have the disorder because well its a disorder okay thats why. It boils down to ‘i could harm someone’ ‘i could cause harm’ ‘ i may have accidentally harmed ___’ ‘ i may accidentally harm’ etc

This is the flawed powerful belief that predate the Intrusive Thought.

Intrusive thoughts appear in every brain on earth. They are not special or unusual however intrusive thoughts with OCD get stuck in the brain- meaning they stay there no matter what you do. So yes , they are different from intrusive thoughts in other conditions.

The thing about OCD is that it latches on to what you hold dear; it may be you are a caring person and love children and animals- your OCD would give you intrusive violent or sexual thoughts or images. These are horrible to experience. They are not welcome nor appreciated and there is no benefit or positive side to having them.

If say social justice is something you hold dear your ocd may take the form of intrusive thoughts of slurs, jokes, visuals etc. These are horrible to experience and lead to high levels of anxiety and are not positive nor beneficial to have in any way shape or form.

Maybe you would not harm someone or you value others; your OCD may present as graphic intrusive images or thoughts around poisoning, stabbing,accidental..ly murdering (yeah you read that right), hitting, insulting etc someone else

I must emphasize this because it is critical that people understand POCD: for the sake of those of us who have OCD read this until its burned into your brain.

This is the fucked up awful Obsessive thought that you are/were/ or could be sexually attracted to children. This is NOT pedophilia. People kill themselves over this because they are afraid that these intrusive thoughts are true. People isolate themselves and dont have families out of fear of harming a child. People take work in different fields or avoid areas with children out of the absolute terror their obsessive thoughts could be true. This is NOT pedophilia. There is NO attraction present.

Most people who experience POCD intrusive thoughts would rather punch a sharknado than even THINK of hurting a kid in any way shape or form. That is why the OCD does its thing it is like having an abusive brain.

Again for clarity's sake

If you value social justice -> the intrusive thoughts violate social justice stuff

If you value animals -> intrusive thoughts come up with harming animals

If you care about the protection and safety of children -> POCD

Triggers would be the situation, scenario, object, person,creature, context etc that is related to the Obsession. It can be literally anything.

What follows is a hell of a lot of anxiety that can range anywhere from discomfort to full on panic attacks.

Everyone has different intrusive thoughts and everyone experiences different amounts of distress upon being triggered.

● As a side bar. Do not ever try and expose someone to their triggers or write about a character being exposed to their triggers as a way to help ‘cure them’ or ‘expose them’ to ANYTHING. What you are doing is literally taking someone with a mental illness and shoving them into a breakdown and thats a piece of shit move. Exposure therapy does exist and is done by professionals TRAINED in ERP. My parents did this a lot and I am positive I am not alone in that experience.

Compulsions or Rituals: Now you may be saying ‘hey i know what those are’ yeah dude me too and I have had ocd for over 15 years and trained in mental health for 7 and guess what. They teach ya wrong.

Compulsions or ‘rituals’ are any behavior done to alleviate the anxiety from the intrusive thought and trigger object.

This can be as passive as ‘i am leaving the room’ ‘ i am checking my body sensations’ ‘ i am trying SO HARD TO HEAR MY HEARTBEAT’ .

It can also be repeating the same thing over and over. To illustrate this I once mentally chanted the same song lyric line on a 3 hour plane ride because otherwise we were all going to die. I took one for the whole team.

It can be somatic things like counting your heart beats, focusing on your breathing, swallowing, staring and not blinking for so many seconds.

It can be readjusting clothing until the seams fit. It can be checking god yes checking IK its a common trope but it IS a compulsion that has ruined my life and can be as passive as checking my reality or texting for proof my cat is still alive. It can also be checking yourself for assurance you wouldnt do the intrusive thought or that the intrusive thought isnt going to happen.

Compulsions are mentally painful and sometimes physically painful;

● Washing your hands with scalding water for 5+ minutes can lead to horribly dry and cracking skin to down right BURNS.

● If you do the same movement you can mess up joints and ligaments. So if you pray constantly you may have knee issues from standing and kneeling.

● If your compulsion has you doing movement against an object ie say gripping and regripping something you get callouses.

● If you compulsively exercise you may get trapped doing something above a healthy amount or say going from not working out to running a five minute mile and wiping out on a treadmill because your brain demanded it. Totally didnt do that...

● If your compulsions make you rub against any object you can get friction burns and scars.

To put this in perspective 15 years of compulsions have left my hands and finger joints a complete mess, damaged my arm tendons, friction scars on my arms that only now faded, and scars on my legs from doing too much of an activity.

Its not lmao I gotta fix these pencils its real agony and real torture.

In short compulsions and rituals are not fun they are absolutely not logical, and we know they are not logical but we are forced to do them. Thats why its a disorder.

OCD disrupts relationships with social components such as ;

Obsessively checking in with partner/friend if things are ‘okay’ (this feels horrible to do too fyi like you KNOW things are fine but you cant NOT because the anxiety is SO BAD),

Relationship OCD is a WHOLE category itself! this ties into sexuality OCD where your obsessive thoughts prey on your sexuality (regardless of your orientation), your relationship, cheating or being disloyal etc.

OCD causes significant withdrawal from others, fears of being a monster, intense guilt over intrusive thoughts, disgust with yourself over the intrusive thoughts sometimes leading to self punishment.

OCD leads to strange behavior which more often than not leads to bullying and ostracization. To exemplify this I have an intrusive thought that I have stolen something when I am inside stores, my check-check-check-check-check-recheck! of my pockets gets me store security called so often its criminal.

OCD limits activities that may expose them to triggers or influenced by intrusive thoughts ie: not being able to take the train to work or only getting off at bus stops with even numbers.

OCD impacts where they spend time, who they associate with, what jobs they take or even if they have a family or not

OCD leads to overwhelming feelings of guilt, shame, and fear over having intrusive thoughts or images that they experience which causes them to socially isolate or have difficulty in social situations.

OCD leads to Hyperfixation: like a lot of other things but thankfully it is just hyperfixation and not different from other diagnoses.

OCD leads to rigidity or structured routines: I have listened to the same CD in my car for 5 years now. Every single day. 5 Years.And Im not okay with that.

OCD impacts standards we hold ourselves to and others: its like regular perfectionism but like add on 5 extra layers of anxiety!

OCD according to NIMH statistics

1.2% Occurrence among US adults

2.3% Lifetime Prevalence among US adults

34.8% Of Adults who have OCD suffer moderate impairment to daily functioning 50.6% of Adults who have OCD suffer serious impairment to daily functioning

OCD has strong co-morbidity with the following:

Tourettes Syndrome- is a genetic friend of OCD and if you have tourettes or OCD your chances of having someone else in the family is high

ADHD

Autism

GAD

Eating Disorders

Depression - this is a big one along with low self esteem because of the intrusive thoughts

Writers like to make jokes about characters “being OCD” well now they have clinical OCD and you should consider fleshing out your character with this information just as you would any other disorder.

Batman (DC)

Riddler (?)(DC)

Domino (Marvel)

Cyclops (Marvel)

#this took a lot of emotional energy and i am now terrified

59 notes · View notes

readbythestarlight · 3 years

Text

c2e141 (part 1)

Okay this is so long I’m splitting it into 2 parts pre and post break so I don’t just end up with something horribly long that clogs up the dash

I’m already emotional just over the intro you guys i’M GONNA MISS THEM SO MUCH

"Skin cradle idk what to call it" how about NOT THAT MATT

[[MORE]]

Home!!

AWWWW

Clarabell!!!

I’m so glad his family is all there and safe

Awwww that’s so sweet, showing him the cards <3

"Hey Molly! Go fuck yourself!"

M: :D

Poor Essek is so lost

A night’s rest yes that would be good for ALL of you

Also it’s time to fake his death

"And will you face the consequences of your actions, or run?"

"I need a night’s sleep first, if you don’t mind."

That’s fair

I’m worried tho

Cad

Cad this isn’t allowed to be goodbye

Not yet

Not this early into the episode

Don’t do this to me

Okay, if they’re all gonna stay that’s okay that’s fine

I mean yes go see

Oh no wait

This

We can’t split up this early y’all I can’t handle it

Yes good bring them here don’t split up

So many HUGS

Oh no

Plz don’t

Please choose to stay, Frumpkin!!

Stay??

No!!

COME BAAAAACK

godDAMMIT

30 minutes and I’m already crying

At least Marisha is crying too I’m not alone

"I needed him when I needed him. That time has passed."

Please adopt all the stray cats

"The last couple of years" baby it’s been less than a year canon time

"YOURE a good person"

"I could be"

"You are"

"There’s just a little more to do"

"She’s not wrong. Trust me, I know a few bad people, you’re not one of them." ESSEK

I’m gonna cry AGAIN

"I think you’re a good person" THAT’S IT IM GONE

Aww Molly bringing them flowers

They have a valid point though, like is this Molly anymore?

Jester curling up next to Fjord I cry they’re so cute

"Hey Fjord? I love you"

AKDLALSKAKA YALL

ITS SO CUTE

I can’t handle them

Veth going swimming?? Willingly??

SAM

The DM will remember that and Sam’s character will be the first to die next campaign

"There’s not even any bugs? That’s not meat"

Fjord is describing my entire week rn

Clarabelle is the sweetest

I’m gonna miss Jester’s messages xD

Jester omg I can’t breathe

Yeza is gonna be so worried

"Okay… ‘honey’. I think I know who this is but I take it as good news" I LOVE HIM

Mollyyyyyy?

MOLLYYYYY??

Woman?? In a red?? Coat?

Sad angel okay yeah

Y’all need to give him some TIME you can’t just fix this super fast

Awww he remembers Yasha a little that’s good

Poor Molly

What woman??

WHAT WOMAN??

Is it his goddess?? The moonweaver?

He’s gonna change his name to King Tealeaf lol

Why don’t y’all chill and let him pick his own stuff and figure his own stuff out

He wants a parasol lol

Travis like what even is a parasol lol

So like

We’re not actually getting Molly back in the end huh

Oh boy temporary splitting up

lol Yasha with the "I can definitely message you"

Y’all can’t just bamf into places like that lol

Oh dear please don’t walk in on your parents

Dad aaaaaaaaand? Is mom there? Momma? Are you theeere?

AYYYYYYYY

NICE

MARION AND THE GENTLEMAAAAAN

THE PARENT TRAP WAS A SUCCESS

I’m so delighted

Y’all had better get married by the end

They’re so sweet I love Marion and Jester bless Laura and Matt for giving us a healthy parent/child relationship

LUC lol

Poor Yeza is probably going prematurely gray dealing with this lol

"I’m sorry I didn’t get you anything, it was—it was mostly flesh" I almost shot tea out my nose

"Dad I won’t sink to the fucking bottom"

Oh dear

That was the most accurate child thing Matt has ever done

Marion is the queen of this place she doesn’t need your cemetery Jester lol

I love the way things turned out with the Gentleman it’s so soft

Jester sweetie you literally told him NOT to say anything back

I’m emotional y’all

Fjord like Jester babe NO

FUCKING HELL

I’m going to stab this bitch myself

YOURE a tragedy

Fuck you Ikathon the answer is NO

Oh my god okay are we doing this

We’re doing this

HES HERE??

HOW??

How did he know they were there???

And Veth just brought her family there too

That MOTHER FUCKER

I can’t believe I’m getting my wish for them to fuck up Trent after all

Fuck fuck fuck how many people can he transport out??

Also you can’t burn down Cad’s home!!

Oh god Essek is going to have to face him too

There’s too much going on here I’m STRESSED

Does he have dunemancy magic?? Is that what that is?

"We had issues larger than your ambitions" OOOO BURN

Suck a dick Trent

"Erase these errors, so I don’t have to look at it" FUCK YOU

What is happening holy shit

What is this????

Run Luc and Yeza run!!

Poor things :(

Poor Caliope

Poor Clays

Essek booiiii

Oh my god I looked at the stats on this spell and it’s BAD

THE COLLAR

What

Wilting what what what

Counterspell

Thank god

NOOO

53?!

IN ONE HIT??

AND HES SPOILING THE FOREST TOO

NO NOT AT JESTER

FUUUUUCK

Oh my god he rolled BAD thank god

I was just saying thank god he’s alone at least but NOPE

Astrid had better not wait in the shadows to see who looks like they’re going to win and then only joining the winning side

Caleb protecting his maaaaaan

FUCKING STOP

DID HE COUNTERSPELL

THAT BITCH

THAT FUCKING BITCH

NO NO NO

they’re so FUCKED

Thank fucking god

COUNTERSPELL PLEASE WORK

YESSSSS

I don’t care what Astrid’s game is I’m tired of it and she needs to die along with Trent

And so does Wulf if he’s gonna play the same game

Come onnnn Wulf do the right thing

Mood, Fjord, mood

MARISHA xD

Ooooooh nice!

“Caleb’s produce flame” her one wizard spell is a Caleb spell omg

FLUFFERNUTTERRRRRR

Nice SHOT Veth

WHAT

Come ON

Why can’t they hit him??

Come onnnn Essek do something baby

Oooooo! So what does that mean?

Does that mean when one takes damage the other does too?? That’s amazing

Caleb noooooo

Thank god

Hits??

COME ONNNNN

Ouch

Okay but the stars haven’t done as much damage as they COULD yet which is good

STOP calling him Bren

Fucking HELL come on

WORK?? WOOOORK???

DID IT

YESSSSS

YEAAHHHH CALEB

Oh thank God

Too little too late bitch

Wulf is gonna die though I can feel it

A second shield UGH

No you stay AWAY from Caleb

Come ooooon Jester!

YEAH

Nice!

“Come ooooon!” Boy you’re tethered either way

I have a feeling we have too much time left until break for the collar to work but GOD I hope it works

E: “Caleb! I’m scared!”

I shouldn’t be laughing but I am

VETH NOW

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE

PLEEEEEASE

God god god

Godddds

come onnnnnn

IT WORKED

IT WORKED IT WORKED IT WORKED

ITS ON HIM

ACTIVATE IT

A C T I V A T E I T

NO NOPE NOPE NOPE

COUNTERSPELL IT FJORD

DO IT

YAAAAAS

Good Wulf smart man

Ouch oh shit Caleb no

Oh NO

Caleb!!

Wulf, Astrid, soembody DO

CADUCEUS MY MAN THANK YOU

What does Caduceus say to the god of death? NOT TODAY (respectfully)

70 HP niiiiice!

Hot DAMN Veth nice call I love it

Oh come ON

Activate it!!

I still hate Astrid but fine

AHHHHHHHHHHHH

#cr spoilers #critical role spoilers #critical role #emi watches critical role

17 notes · View notes

whatifyoulivelikethat · 3 years

Note

i want to ask for help. but i cant tell when would be a good time. because u've said before that therapy doesnt work unless YOU want it to, and i dont know WHEN i will want to. i just know that ive been feeling like this for as long as i can remember and that if i dont do SOMETHING about it, i might not even live.

i feel like im scared to ask for help because what if? what if i actually do better? i cant imagine living without thinking about dying every second. there is a scary sense of comfort in it, but its familiar and its me but its ME and i dont want it like that.

i,,, i dont know why this is going to you, but i do know i admire your opinions and i guess i just want to know. when. when does it get better.

When... hmm, as Yoongi has said before, these kinds of feelings are like seasons. I don't personally think they ever "go away" - you have good times and bad times, sometimes with reason, sometimes for no reason at all. At least, that's how it is with me. Going to put the rest under a break.

"Get better" is a vague term. You can argue you're already "getting better" because you recognize something needs to change, but that doesn't really feel statisfying because you're still in the same mental state, right? Then, is "getting better" a generalized state of more happiness? Could be. But, if you've always been in the darkness, well, shit, how are you supposed to know the light is the light? You've never seen it before. Then, does "getting better" mean... being like everyone else around me that seems like they're "good"?

That's the greatest lie of all.

I've said therapy doesn't work unless you want it to, not because you need to feel a certain measure of desire to change, but because you can't walk in there thinking the therapist is going to change you. If you have the means to try, you should to to therapy and just try it, because knowing you need to do something indicates that you already want to change. Reaching out to someone, stranger or not, already indicates you don't want to be like this forever. It might work, it might not. Therapy really depends on the therapist and finding a good fit is very difficult.

I'm going to tell you a bit about my journey. I have no idea if it will help you, but maybe you're interested.

I grew up not knowing love. My parents had an arranged marriage and, in their case, they did not love each other. Probably still don't. They're still married. I guess they tolerate each other, I don't know. In any case, it was very dysfunctional. I didn't know anything about maintaining healthy relationships, showing affection, or the value of people. I was seen as a means to an end, not really as their child. It was mostly my mom, but my dad was neglectful and wasn't really part of my life even though he was there the entire time. Because of this, I didn't value myself. I became very depressed and, if you've read my work, there's hints of what I've done to myself. I thought about dying. A lot. All the time. Planned it, dreamed it, wished for it.

Then, I moved out and entered the next phase of my life. Made a shit ton of mistakes. Destroyed friendships, had a ton of questionable relationships, chased love that was never there, fell apart. I was an "adult" but I was still the same - still wanted off this fucking Earth. But there was a difference. This time, I finally realized something.

These had be been my desicions.

My choices put me in that position. Nobody made me do anything. I was being self-destructive because I wanted to. And just like how I put myself there, I could take myself out.

So I did.

Not easily, mind you, but I did. I switched my surroundings again, put myself among people who had my best interests in mind, found my close friends, had a great time. Did shit everyone else did, went on cute dates, hung out with friends, traveled a lot, took pictures of delicious food, had an Instagram life.

Hated it.

I wasn't myself. I had pushed down my past and pretended like that shit wasn't real. I had a good life, so I'm good, right? I'm cured! I have what everyone else wants - I do what I want, have a good job and loving people around me. Yeah, no. I was "better", but I wasn't better. Far from it. I used to draw, write, create. In this phase I did none of that. I felt empty. But I was happy! Shit, what else can I do?

And then I discovered BTS.

Music does a lot of things. In my life, they defined the phases of my life. Rock and metal saved me from ending it when I was stuck in the darkness. In the time of empty happiness, I listened to music, but nothing stuck. I did, however, broaden my horizons and listen to everything, finally learning that all music has its merits and that I could find something I liked in nearly every genre.

However, I wasn't committing to anything, and that was because I couldn't commit to myself.

At first when I listened to BTS, I thought they were really cool. I went from era to era, mostly listening to title songs. Then I was bored and listened to their other stuff. I was curious about the lyrics I liked. They were usually rapped by this one guy, and I learned to recognize his voice and wait for his parts, because they always ended up being my favorite.

Yeah, just guess who it is. :)

I thought, well shit, I have no idea what he's saying. I should look it up. Went to look up the lyric translations of their songs, finding SUGA's parts and yet another epiphany.

Why am I pretending?

I'm reading these lyrics and I'm like, shit. This is it. This is me. These are all thoughts I've thought and they're here. They're real. Someone else thought them in the same way I have. And I am, indeed, still feeling these things, but pretending I'm not. Pretending it's impossible to acknowledge the person I am, that teenager wondering why I have to live when I could just fucking not, and who I've become, an adult with no sense of self but happy, and how they somehow can't coexist even though they already do. They're all me.

It wasn't very fun facing those feelings again, but I did it because I needed it. I needed to work through them and stop pretending so I could be myself. And now I am, because I can see it. You can see it. I create, not for anyone, but because this is me.

Maybe a little hypersexual. Kind of insane. Borderline cocky (but I am hot though, I'm just saying). I write, I draw, I create, I have fun, I cry, fuck, I do it all (swallow dick real fucking well too!). I do everything I want to and live how I want to.

This is just one way, one life among billions. You might not go though this (technically, you're already on the BTS phase, you know) and most likely your journey will be different. Because "getting better" is a personal thing. It is what you want in life, who you want to be, and I didn't know who I wanted to be until I lived though all kinds of shit, learning about other people's lives, and found someone who let me know, hey, you can brush past or you can soak into a heart. Change will always happen. You can live however you like. In some ways, you grow up and become an adult. In some ways, you stay the same, always young, always learning, always growing up. Sometimes people give up their young self because they think they have to. And maybe they do. You don't really have to though. You only have to be open to the idea there is also comfort in other things, that the you that you've known all your life is not the only you that will be.

To live a full life is to have many things, not physically, but mentally - memories, thoughts, past, present, whatever you want to hold on to, hold on to. No one can take them away from you. You will become more than just that. Every day, you will wake up to a new self that encompasses all your other selves before that. If you're impatient and want it now, run. Read up on things, surround yourself with all kinds of people, try activities you've always wanted to try, experience shit and find out what you like, what you hate, what you can modify to suit you better.

Find out what it means for you to get better and you'll discover, hey.

You're already there.

15 notes · View notes

misstrashchan · 4 years

Text

Since @im-the-king-of-the-ocean did a post about what TMA fear entities the RWBY characters are aligned/avatars of, I’ve been itching to do one myself because as a result of overlapping hyper fixations I think about this A LOT

The basic concept is that avatars in TMA become what they fear most or embrace a fear they have developed the most complex relationship with that plays into their motivations and drive as a character. What negative impulses they have to constantly fight themselves on, the shape of the monster that lives in their heart.

To quote the RWBY song Fear, “But our greatest fear will be realised, if we fall and lose ourselves to fear, we’ll become what we’ve feared all our lives” yeah that’s a very loose definition of what becoming an avatar is.

Since MAG s5 has proven that you can be an avatar of more than one fear, (Like Martin serving both the Eye and the Lonely) some of the RWBY characters might have more than one, but I’ll try to limit it to two to avoid getting complicated, but at the end of the day it’s all fear soup, we might categorise them according to Robert Smirke’s 14, but they all bleed into one another, like Gerard’s colour analogy in 111:

GERARD

I always think it helps to imagine them like colours. The edges bleed together, and you can talk about little differences: “oh, that’s indigo, that’s more lilac”, but they’re both purple. I mean, I guess there are technically infinite colours, but you group them together into a few big ones. A lot of it’s kind of arbitrary. I mean, why are navy blue and sky blue both called blue, when pink’s an entirely different colour from red? Y’know? I don’t know, that’s just how it works.

And like colours, some of these powers, they feed into or balance each other. Some really clash, and you just can’t put them together. I mean, you could see them all as just one thing, I guess, but it would be pretty much meaningless, y’know, like… like trying to describe a… shirt by talking about the concept of colour.

O-Of course, with these things it’s not a simple spectrum, y’know, it’s more like –

ARCHIVIST

An infinite amorphous blob of terror bleeding out in every direction at once.

GERARD

Now you’re getting it.

ARCHIVIST

Like colours, but if colours hated me. Got it.

Ruby Rose: The End. The fear of death itself, uncaring and unstoppable. Man this was hard to think about but I have a lot of Big Feelings about this one. Initially I really, really wanted to give Ruby the Eye simply because “can laser beam monsters with their eyeballs once they become powerful enough” and there is a fascinating overlap in how the Beholding powers and Silver Eyes function in the same way, (especially in how Cinder being exposed to the Silver Eyes fills her with an overpowering fear and reopens old wounds from trauma that have never properly healed; which is VERY similar in the psychological affect Jon’s has on his victims when he Beholds them) they’re both direct enemies/opposites to the Dark that expose their enemies/victims true nature and destroying them in the process at times. Only one feeds on fear and the trauma of others while the other feeds off of hope and love (Gerard says there’s no such thing as an avatar of hope and love, clearly he’s never heard of Ruby).

But nope! The fear and nature of the Beholding just doesn’t really match with Ruby at all. She isn’t driven by a need of knowledge, nor does she fear being watched, followed or having her secrets exposed. The End though? Death itself? Ruby outright states that’s her biggest fear in volume 5 to Oscar “It doesn’t matter if you’re standing in Salem’s way or not. She’ll kill anyone. And that, scares me most of all” to me Ruby’s fear of death itself is projected onto Salem here, I think. It’s uncaring, unstoppable, it doesn’t discriminate, and it could come for the people she cares about at any time. What matters though is the context she says this is in explaining her motives to Oscar. Her whole life has been shaped by her inability to process death, her relationship with grief, all starting with the tragic and abrupt death of her mother Summer as a child. She’s also surrounded by a lot of death motif too, the hooded cape, mostly wearing black, the giant grim reaper scythe. She’s the End.

Of course, her being an Avatar of the End means having to imagine the worst version of Ruby, one that is fully consumed by that fear. Avatars of the End are not malicious or destructive in nature but instead are… very apathetic. They don’t need to seek out victims to feed off of, nor do they have a ritual, because the End comes for all. And that fits with what Ruby would be like if that fear fully consumed her. It’s more or less established in vol6 during the apathy arc when she tries so hard to fight against their influence and how horrified she is when everyone around her falls prey to it. Giving up, not caring, accepting the inevitable demise of everyone and yourself? Ruby was terrified of that. And when looking at the vol8 opening where we see Ruby being dragged down by what looks like the arms of the apathy? She fights the hardest against it because it’s what she’s most afraid of, but because of her inability to process her grief properly is ultimately what will make her the most vulnerable to it when she’s pushed to her limit. All Salem needs to do to break Ruby is to remind her of Summer’s death. Not even what actually happened to her or how she died, just the death itself. Hell, the first time we see Ruby in the Red trailer, she’s at her mother’s grave, the first verse in Red like Roses that’s about Ruby “Red like Roses fills my dreams and brings me to the place you rest” in which we come to understand that the “Red like roses” lyrics in both part one and two of the song is referring to Summer’s abrupt death which Ruby apparently dreams about, which brings to mind Oliver Banks, our most prominent Avatar of the End, whose first statement to The Magnus Institute in 011 (underneath the fake alias of “Antonio Blake”) is concerning how he started dreaming about the deaths of others, which he didn’t begin to take seriously- until it was his father that he saw in his dream. Upon which Oliver realised how terrifying death really was and that fear began to consume him.

Okay I’ve probably gone off long enough about this but yeah. Ruby is the End. I mean, she also just got a song in the v7 soundtrack called Until the End

Weiss Schnee: The Lonely. The fear of isolation, of being completely cut off and alone or disconnected from the rest of society. I don’t really have to go too deeply into this one. It’s pretty cut and dry. “The loneliest of all”? And the Schnees basically are the Lukas family. Actually thinking about it the Lukas’ are actually somewhat better? They were the only ones in the whole of TMA that understood to raise a child to be an heir/avatar of their fear they needed room to reject it or actively choose it, even if that had an 80% success rate. Both are still awful though. (Damn, I can’t believe Jaques is an actively worse parent than an eldritch fear avatar)

When Weiss comes back to Atlas in v4 she’s more aware of her loneliness than ever, feels more aware of how she and atlas high society as a whole is disconnected from the rest of the world and its struggles. Whitley commenting on her being in her room for months implies she’s purposefully been isolating herself during this time as well, in order to avoid her family members “A pleasure to see you out of your room for a change” (sidenote; the fact that whenever Whitley shows up it always catches Weiss off guard, like she didn’t even notice his presence until he wanted her too. That’s. That’s a BIG Lonely thing. Given Peter’s siblings eventually ran away and he was the only heir I can imagine Peter being what Whitley would end up like if no one intervenes)

I’d say they might also be an possibility of the Stranger due to her struggling to find her own identity and inability to recognise oneself, but that can be an aspect of the Lonely too, as we see when Martin is in a house that is a domain of the Lonely in s5, and is unable to recognise himself in the mirror or recall who he is.

What I do have to say about this is it’s pretty interesting considering at this point in the show Weiss’ relationship with loneliness is actually somewhat healthy and something she can use to relate to and help others. She understands other people’s loneliness, that Blake in v5 needed space and in time she’d come back, and Weiss would be ready to be there for her when she did. And she also understands Yang’s loneliness in the same volume and that she needed someone there to support her.

“But you’re right. I don’t know loneliness like you do. I have my own version. And I bet Blake has her own version too.”

Speaking of Blake…

Blake Belladonna: The Stranger, I Do Not Know You. The fear that you cannot trust the perception of yourself or of others. The creeping sense that something isn’t right. I considered the Spiral, but the Stranger and the Spiral overlap more than any other two entities so I’m just gonna go with the Stranger. Especially with her semblance being a metaphor for disassociation, a coping mechanism for the abuse and gaslighting from her relationship with Adam being kind of the biggest thing here, since the Stranger and Spiral deal with that a lot. She literally creates false copies of herself, shadow clones which she uses to feint, distract and evade. As well as statues/mannequins when dust is involved, which the Stranger is known for manifesting. Her fighting style centres around misdirection, stealth and fooling people’s senses. She also used to be part of the White Fang, known within Sienna and Adam’s faction to wear the masks of monsters, appearing anonymous. And she literally disguises her identity as a Faunus in order to escape the White Fang and enroll at Beacon. Blake at first was hesitant to trust and rely on the others in the earlier volumes, to let her guard down, and when she finally did, the worst happened and her fears were proven right. In s2 Jonathan becomes more paranoid due to being marked and in close daily proximity to the Stranger (as Not-Sasha), much like how Blake in v2 becomes far more paranoid and less trusting of her team. She also does seek knowledge or answers even at the cost of her wellbeing, which is an Eye thing, but Blake’s desire for knowledge and answers isn’t really consistent or important enough with her character and motives beyond vol2 for me personally to consider her an Avatar of it, but I do think she is Eye aligned.

Yang Xiao Long- The Eye. The Ceaseless Watcher, It Knows You, as well as The Hunt. For the Eye, the first time we see Yang is her trying to find information on her mother, and we see Raven in bird form at the beginning too, as she has followed Yang her whole life, never actually interacting or doing anything for her, just… watching her. We learn in vol2 that her search for answers surrounding her mother has been a part of her entire life, almost overwhelmingly so to the point where in her childhood she and Ruby nearly lost their lives to the Grimm when she decided to journey to a shack in the woods she thought would lead to clues in finding her mother. She is adamant because of that experience to never let her need for the truth and answers control her, but it is a need that is always there. When she finally meets Raven, she’s encouraged to “start questioning everything she knows” which, she does. Questioning and knowledge is a big part of Yang’s character, even now. She’s the one who questions Ozpin the most, as well as Raven herself, and in the recent volumes is the one who challenges and questions Ruby’s leadership the most. There’s also a moment in vol7 of her drawing parallels between herself and Robyn and relating to her when she says “I won’t stop until I find out the truth” Her being the one to take the relic of knowledge is hugely significant in this too, especially given the context that she acquires it right after confronting her mother, getting the answers she’s searched for her whole life, holding an artefact possessing infinite knowledge, and she sinks to her knees and cries because there is no sense of closure, that anything is better because of her knowing who and what her mother is, and that her choosing this path might have cost her ever having a relationship with Raven (which is more Raven’s fault of course, and Yang knows that, but that’s not how she’s feeling at that exact moment).

For the Hunt, this one’s a bit simpler. The thrill seeker aspect to Yang’s character and motives in becoming a huntress and enjoying the chase and fighting in of itself. There’s another element in that as most Avatars of the Hunt start out as monster hunters who then develop the need to hunt and kill monsters, and gradually what qualifies as “monster” starts to blur more and more as they become consumed by the need and thrill of the chase and hunt itself. I bring this up because in vol3 Blake draws parallels between Yang and Adam after she is disqualified for attacking and injuring Mercury, worries with how familiar this all feels and that Yang might turn out the same as him (and just for the record Adam is a full blown Avatar of the Hunt, and the Slaughter too most like)

“I had someone very dear to me change. It wasn’t in an instant, it was gradual. Little choices that began to pile up. He told me not to worry. At first they were accidents, then it was self-defence. Before long, even I began to think he was right. This is all just… very familiar.” What Blake describes is… kind of similar to Basira’s relationship with Daisy with how Daisy, an Avatar of the Hunt, would justify to Basira and explain away how the violence and murders she committed as being for the greater good.

Also just one more, because I have to

Pyrrha Nikos: WebwebWEBWEB. Hoo boi Pyrrha is the Webbiest of Web Avatars as they come. Her whole character’s themes surrounding destiny, control and agency, feeling like her whole life had been decided for her, the fact she’d been blessed with incredible talents and opportunities meant she was supposed to be a huntress, the fact her talent as a world champion meant she was placed on a pedestal without her realising, becoming separate from the people who placed her there in the first place, that Ozpin and his inner circle tell her she has been chosen as the next Fall Maiden, but the method in which she must become so might result in the loss of her identity, that though they ultimately leave the choice to her do pressure and manipulate her into it. The idea of destiny being a predetermined fate you can’t escape is Pyrrha’s greatest fear, and rejects that idea in that she will not let her life be manipulated but will be the one to take control it instead, which is manifested in her having a semblance that she uses to subtly control and manipulate her surroundings. As Cinder puts it, “People assume she’s fated for victory when really she’s really taken fate into her own hands”.

33 notes · View notes

sailorhyunjinz · 3 years

Note

damn, i hope it's okay to share this part of the lecture notes because it's publishing my profs skript?

Anyway, i did not think about how i wrote what at all because the lectures are going by so fast; it's also a bit hard to read because of that, but i got you an excerpt mentioning the subspace top 👀

That weird looking T isn't a capital T, it's a lower case greek "tau" and the mirrored capital E is maths for "it exists". I write my actual upper case Es like € but with only one line in the middle. I don't know if that helps but yeah

-horny!jisung is valid

OH I AM SO EXCITED THANK YOU FOR SHARING THIS and im sure its fine, no one can understand those fucking mathematic formulas anyways SO WE JUST GONNA LOOK AT THE WRITING <33

The size of your writing is adequate, not too big not too small maybe leaning a bit on the smaller side sometimes which means that you are humble! the baseline is relatively straight, some waves which is great, it means that you have a healthy way of coping with your emotions. the distance between your words changes from time to time which is normal as well, you might be closer to some people than others but in general you have a healthy distance in all your relationships, like you're not forcing yourself upon anyone or have an overbearing issue with abandonment.

theres a slight backwards slant happening ever so often which signals that you are more rational than emotional, your descions are often well thought through and maybe youre not so much of a team player, you like working with machines more than people WHICH IS FINE, WE ARE ALL DIFFERENT. i feel like one of or maybe both of your parents were strict when you were a child and you arent that open when it comes to expressing feelings, you have them of course but you a reluctant to share them, thinking that maybe you are a burden to someone else or that you are equipped to deal with it on your own yeee,,, I DONT KNOW YOU ARE GONNA HAVE TO TELL ME LATER ON IF ANY OF THIS DOESNT RESONATE

for the most part your writing is loopy and round which indicates playfulness and your writing is connected with downwards stroke sometimes and sometimes its disconnected which is normal, nothing weird, the downwards stroke shows friendlyness! its also very middlezone dominant which means that you are here in the present moment, you dont thinking too much about the past and you plan ahead sure but not to like every detail, you are trying to get your tasks done in the present moment yk but theres one thing i noticed and that its although you dont have massive lower zones when they are present so for example the "p" and the "f" your writing gets sharp which signals sexual frustration or maybe frustrations when it comes to power or money like you want more of the lustful things in life but youre not sure how to get there,,, yk

OH I REALLY WAN DO LETTER SPECIFIC STUFF OK ALRIGHT the first thing that really stood out to be is the very inconsistant "t-bar" which is that stroke across the "t". in your writing its sometimes a bit higher but for the majority of the time its very low which gives the impression that you have a low self-esteem, you dont believe in your abilities and you think that you are not as good as everybody else (lemme tell you honey judging by these notes that look like something from a cave you hae nothing to worry about) BUT YOU ARE because look at the loopy "p", thats a sign of intelligence and that you vibe with people that are also intelligent where yall can have interesting discussions about stuff yk

all of your "a" letters are closed which means that you usually dont talk a lot,,, you talk when you need to but like thats it,,, also this is gonna sound very personal but you dont have that much of a craving for oral sex,,, y-yeah ITS NOT YOUR FAVORITE

oh you mentioned that you write your "e" like a backwards 3 and like with a line right? i dont know too much about that trait and i have it too like i write my capital "E" like a backwards three and all of those kinda clump together in something that ive understood as a person that likes to explore different cultures! idk if thats some bullshit explanation cause the only other person i know that writes like that is,,, me like I HAVENT ANALYZED IT ALOT but thats kinda the general understanding of it

minimal insecurity loops but like everyone has insecurities once in a while and a last thing is that you have a "hint" of secretivness but you only use it when you need to like you dont go around holding secrets for no reason but if someone needs you to keep a secret you wont crack and tell it to everyone, thats a positive trait but it can turn very negative if you have a lot of like looping in "o" and "a" where its like someone keeps secrets so hard that it ends up hurting them and their mental state.

,,,, hope this wasnt too personal,,, h-he,, BUT THANK YOU ONCE AGAIN, it can be personal and although i dont see any major red flags i want you to be more believing in yourself because other aspects in your writing show that you are not only a friendly person butalso intelligent <333

#dschee #Cherrymail🍒

1 note · View note

kewltie · 4 years

Text

omfgggg pregnant!deku. imagine where no. 1 hero is not only an omega but is pregnant and it's still early in his first trimester so he's running around kicking ass but IT'S DEKU so ppl frets and worry over his safety that even villains r like uh i dont wanna mess w/ that. deku is like ridiculously popular & well like even among criminal bc he believes in 2nd chances & rehab of the criminals/villains & fight for disenfranchised youths who fell on the wrong side of the track. so yea, they fight against him but they're also kinda soft for him!!!

so when they found out their fav hero is pregnant & still patrolling there's like some super-secret nonverbal agree among them that they won't stop doing what they are doing but like,,,, nobody fucking touch deku ok or you'll deader than dead. which is ALL KIND OF HILARIOUS bc deku coming to a bank robbery & the criminals doesnt stop their crime but when they fight him, they're like super careful w/ him making sure he doesn't get knock back, fall, or hurt himself too much.

when deku finally captured them and as they're about to taken away, they happily congratulated him on his pregnancy & ask if he'd thought of names yet & one of them is like, "oh, when my husband was pregnant eating X & Y really help with the nausea." and izuku is like,,, thanks???

there's like so many ppl invested in deku's pregnancy that it bizarre bc he's not the first or the last omega to ever be pregnant but he's deku, prohero, no.1 rank, and symbol of hope. all that means is there's a hyper fixation on everything about him esp now that he's pregnant. talk shows, news channel, & celeb gossip show are all talking about it one way or another. whether he's should take an early leave of work or not bc of the danger of his job, the baby's sex, his pregnancy craving, bump watch (I KNOW), & even a countdown to his due date.

the entire country is in a baby fever just bc of deku. everybody talk obsessively about it & even if you find that one person who does not care they def know someone who does. all this happen while deku just go about his day like all of Japan isnt watching his every move lol. the strangest thing about deku's pregnancy is that there's no sign of the other parent?? deku isnt even dating anyone. he never mention any alpha AT ALL, only declaring that he plans to raise his baby all by himself as a single parent which blew their fucking mind bc wtfffff.

look, deku is the most famous omega around, sitting high atop of the world as the no. 1 hero & is adore by the mass--he's greatest omega of his generation some would say so yea there's lot of expectation & hope place on him but deku is deku & he does what he wants. ppl speculate that maybe he's pregnant bc he had a one night stand and this was accident, maybe he has been in a secret relationship all this time, maybe this baby was from a spurned lover or WORST yet a produce of rape... LIKE there's so many rumor swirling around but the answer is actually v v v simple. deku has always wanted a child and since he's nearing 30 right now, he thought it's hightime he has one and the other father? JUST A DONOR. it's nothing serious or complicated as ppl imagine to be.

deku wants a kid and now he has one!! but ppl just can't comprehend how it could be that simple when the most notoble omega in all of japan decide he wants a kid W/O having a mate and he's going to raise this baby all by himself and nope he's not even going to quit his job at ALL to have a family. deku is just--blowing their mind lol

the world doesn't so much get over it as they just kinda get dragged along bc deku does not give a single fuck wut other think and proceed to be immersed in his pregnancy and try to survive the next 6 months while everyone waited on bated breath to see what deku does next. the only thing that stick is the constant rumor mill of who is the donor of deku's baby. they assume that deku wouldn't just pick a stranger bc he's sentimental like that so speculations run amok about every alpha that is closely associate with deku.

there are public polls, betting rings w/ billions on the line, televised debates, internet flame wars, and ACTUAL ARGUMENTS B/T FAMILY/FRIENDS/COWORKERS on who the fuck is deku's donor! even more than deku's baby, they're fucking obsessed on finding out who is the actual donor. the thing is it's not THAT big of a secret. all of class A are in the loop, his mom know (ofc), and even his agency but they all managed to keep it a secret bc deku's privacy is the utmost important & beside the other father would literally MURDER them if it ever get expose.

this is how it went: bullied by his pr team, deku went on a variety show where they have to babysit kids & put through various childbearing challenge while cameras record them for entertainment purpose. It's there when deku realized "ah, I WANT THIS. I WANT THIS V BADLY." deku is climbing close to his 30 now, he's well established presence in the hero world, and his life is pretty stable so it's high time he have his own little family but the thing is babies are two ppl business. they don't just come from thin air so deku did the next best thing.

katsuki would like to say he didn't see this coming the same way you would not expect to be attack by a shark on land, but in this case deku is that fucking shark & katsuki is the idiot that get completley blindsided by him when deku cornered him one day and asked for his sperm.

ok, bakudeku aint dating. they have deep & complicated history that is not only confusing o everybody else but also confusing to them. 'friend' would be to light of a word but anything else is left undefined bc how do you explain more than 2 decades of w/e they are to each other. katsuki doesn't want to talk about the amount of time he'd used image of deku to get off while in rut just so he can survive through it, while the next few days trying to resist punching deku in the face bc he act like a sacrificial idiot who got a cross he wants to bear.

it's not 100% healthy his therapist unhelpfully pointed out but the core of all his volatile feelings have always been named deku & katsuki doesn't know how to compartmentalize it properly bc katsuki may have squashed to something small & insignificant but it's heavy & permanent. so when deku laid his fucked up request at katsuki's feet, he broke the table they were using and nearly walked out if deku didn't catch him by the arm in time.

"kacchan, pls here me out first," deku begged of him, his sweet permeating the air; he's NOT PLAYING FAIR AT ALL. whoever said alphas are the dominate sex in the world have never met an omega, a determine goal focus omega with babies on the brain like deku.

"kacchan, recently i realized that im only getting older so i want a child when i still can," deku explained. "so won't you help me? i know settling down right now is the farthest thing from your mind, but im not asking you anything like that," he continued as katsuki quietly fumed in the background. "i just want your help in making this selfish wish of mine come true. you're among my top choices, kacchan."

Katsuki jerked up. "wait, you mean to say there's a fucking list of alphas you plan to extort their sperm from?" he seethed, feeling like deku had took a goddamn knife to his pride and butcher it completely. "how many other ppl have you asked before you even came to me?!"

"im not extorting anything from anyone." Deku frowned. "and, well, you always lectured me about diving head first w/o any backup plans," he pointed out, "so i made sure to leave several options open just in case the first one fell through. see? i did thought this one thru."

katsuki nearly broke another piece of furniture at the thought of deku asking someone else to father his child as though he was just another face in a long list of ppl deku could use. "What did every alpha on ur shitty list rejected u already so now have to come to me for help?"

deku, who was no.1 for a reason, narrowed his eyes and the air crackled around them. "kacchan, this is extremely important to me so i wouldnt just chose anyone. i only know a handful of alphas i can trust and someone im happy to share the other half of my child with. you're the 1st person that came to my mind when i thought about a child growing inside of me," he said, wrapping his arm around his flat tummy. "despite our many differences you're the one i admire the most. your strength & ambition, grounded by your strong drive & work ethics. the fact that you got where you are w/ your own hands & wits to guide you, i think you're just amazing. so how could i not want those kind of qualities for my own child," deku explained. "im sure a child born from half of your genes you will shine just brightly as you do."

katsuki felt so taken back that found his tongue heavy and words were escaping him. on one hand he felt a rush of pride and a strange sensation of happiness that deku had specifically chosen him out of his potential candidates bc of the greatness he had seem in katsuki but he'd also narrowed katsuki out not bc of some sentimental bullshit or lingering feelings but he thought of providing his future child with the best gene pool as possible so his child can flourish. it's a damn ego busting for katsuki but deku was clearly a man on a mission.

katsuki hesitated and thought what it would mean to have a child out there who carry a lil part of him in them; it's unnerving and humbling at the same time. he never thought of it himself but deku had dream of this, wanted this so badly enough to beg katsuki for help.

"alright," he said finally, not knowing exactly what compelled him to agree, but the look of utter happiness spreading across deku's face as he can barely contain his joy. a single word from him had caused deku's word to shift and rearranged itself to make room for another life.

and that's how katsuki got con into helping izuku make a baby lol. but, really katsuki was the one who agreed to it out of his own will bc he's an idiot & also terribly whipped; omegas are the ones ppl should be frighten of bc once they make up their mind it's hard to move them. they're an unstoppable force, something to be reckon w/ esp when that omega is the no.1 hero who fought his way to the top of the rankings and maintain that status quo for many years despite how many times katsuki tried to topple him from that perch LOL.

katsuki already lost the war before he'd even put a foot down on battlefront the moment deku'd opened his mouth & demanded his sperm AND HE KNEW IT TOO. so that was how katsuki found himself preparing to empty his balls in front of a two-way mirror in a mating clinic bc of deku. omegas, esp males, are the most fertile when they're in heat & when an alpha go in a rut, but the both of them have this arrangment that's more of a duty than any feelings involve bc they cant risk getting mix up in the hormones. this is for deku & his future child!!! so the clinic had prepared a large room w/ two way dividing mirrors& open air vents circulating b/t the two rooms so they can breathe in each other scene where deku can have his heat on one side and katsuki can watch BUT NOT TOUCH and get his rut on so he can produce sperm.

it's uh, not supposed to be v sexy since it's all clinical & shit but bakudeku being bakudeku they nearly tear the room apart to get to each other in heat/rut madnes. deku had blushed earlier as he asked to be bind with quirk restrictions cuff just in case he go crazy which HE DID. at first the nurses there was more worry about katsuki going crazy and out of control bc he has been known to fall pretty high on the alpha aggression and they fear it would be katsuki who would be dangerous; BUT NOPE it's deku all all along who almost broke the REINFORCED MIRROR just so he can get to katsuki!!!! DEKU WHO PPL SOMETIMES FORGET IS LIKE THE NO. 1 HERO FOR A REASON. soft and sweet deku who single handedly can fuck you up with just his fingers if he want to. he's an omega on a mission and he wants that knot up his ass AND HE WANTS IT NOW.

the nurses & docs have to use everything in their toolkit to pull bakudeku apart. when it's all said and done, katsuki embarrassingly produce buckets of cum enough to last deku a looooooong long time if the first one didn't take lol while deku couldn't look at katsuki in the eyes. they are both horridly embarrass about their 'not mating' and their action toward each other there even though they never actually touch each other through out the whole heat/rut procedure. despite the fact that they DIDN'T HAVE ANY SEX, it was still the hottest exp for both.

katsuki never seen more more feral and fierce omega who nearly broke the entire room just to get to him, in that moment if katsuki wasn't in love already he would have been half way there and izuku didn't expect KATSUKI AT ALL. the way he had handle izuku was completely diff. in izuku's heat fever, katsuki was the lone anchor who'd provided him grounding. he tried to calm deku down from his ramp up hormones even though he was as clearly affected as deku. forceful but not unforgiving, commanding not unyielding, firm but gentle.

it was electric.

it was as though izuku was a wild animal unleashed and katsuki managed to tamed him and he never had even had to raise a single finger to do it. it was all in his words that cut through izuku's hazy feverish wants and desires. the kind of alpha that made deku's knees weak.

after that, they have wordless mutual agreement to never talk about it. deku got the sperms he wanted and katsuki had finally fullfiedd his obligation and isn't responsible for deku or his future child. HE'S DONE. they dont have anything to do w/ each other anymore. RIGHT??? ha.

it's funny bc izuku had his hope on a child but didn't think it would take so soon! he'd thought he would fail a few times first before he get really lucky w/ conception bc of his age now that he's older, this 'psuedo mating' can't replace real mating, & biology is fucking weird. even the fertility doc couldn't promise this procedure to insert bkg's sperm in him when he's still got in a heat fever will work 100% and if they fail, they have to wait for another HEAT to come before it could work. which mean months of waiting in b/t so izuku is desperate. BUT it took one try. THAT'S ALL IT TOOK as izuku anxiously waited for the news in next couple of weeks. he took at home pregnacy tests and when hall 3 results were positive he'd cried and called his mom but even then he didn't tell anyone bc he was so scare it just was a fluke.

he'd kept this secret until he finally got the visit to his doc and could get the firm confirmation he needed! when the doc revealed that he was indeed pregnant, izuku fell to his knees in relief bc finally, FINALLY, his dream of having a baby had came true. he's a father now!!

the doc had warned that the first trimester would be rough on him bc of his age and miscarriage is more likely for him than most male omega. maybe he should consider taking an early pregnacy leave bc of the danger his job poses to him & the unborn baby. deku had agonized over it. ultimately, he decided to continue w/ his hero work but won't take on as much stuff as before. he plans to be more careful & attentive to his safety, and defer his more dangerous work to his colleagues instead. all his friends and coworkers go out of their way to help him w/ this

izuku got an entire community of heroes WHO DO THEIR BEST TO ENSURE HIS PREGNACY GO SMOOTHLY bc look izuku may be doing this alone but HE'S NOT ACTUALLY ALONE bc he got his friends, colleagues, and mom to support him through this bc they know how much this means to him!!

katsuki was one of the last to find out but only bc deku plan to see him in person to tell him bc katsuki HAD GIVEN HIM ONE OF THE BEST GIFTS (beside OFA) and he wanted to thank katsuki in person but class A are a bunch of gossip mongers so he found out through their groupchat. it started as a joke about katsuki & his super seed bc what a fucking stud bakugou katsuki to have ONE TRY and is able to knocked izuku up so quickly lmao. w/e the fuck katsuki is doing or eating, apparently it works wonder for him bc one of his sperm luck out & hit jackpot. his so called friends cant stop ribbing into him for knocking up deku so quickly bc they know from deku's worry that it wasn't going to be an easy conception but IT'S BAKUGOU KATSKUKI, outdoing himself once more bc he never does anything by half, not even his own sperm lol.

izuku met up with katsuki right outside his agency bc he knew wassup and how to corner katsuki effectively by trapping him when he just high off his patrol when he least expect an ambush esp when he was too busy avoiding izuku's attempts to reach him bc of COMPLICATED FEELS.

it's not cowardice that kept katsuki away, but izuku was the source of all his confusing feelings already & now w/ the news that he's carrying katsuki's child now it'd gotten worst. izuku, though, was nothing if not persistent. he zeroed in katsuki right away w/ purposeful steps.

"kacchan, i'm so glad to meet you here," izuku says as though he hadn't coordinate this w/ katsuki's coworkers, who are all SOFT for izuku anyway lmao, to get katsuki alone JUST LIKE THIS. katsuki knew he was caught bc every one his friends & colleagues are FUCKING TRAITORS.

"what," he snapped, clenching the hands at his side as he tried to keep his gaze from izuku's still very flat tummy. it's weird to think a life was quickly taking shape there when it's not like izuku looked any diff but he smiling more brightly & warmth coming from his person. was this what they call the pregnancy glow? bc deku was fucking blinding that katsuki wanted to shove his hand to deku's face to block it out.

"what you want," he demanded again even tho they both know why deku was here.

unperturbed, deku smiled. "im pregnant now so thank you. you'd helped fulfilled one of my biggest dreams & im ever so grateful for it!" he continued, rocking happily back & forth on his heels but the words barely registered katsuki kept staring at the way deku's body swing out & he opened his mouth before he could think better of it.

"should you be even moving liek that ?" he asked BC SINCE FINDING OUT IZUKU IS PREGNANT HE LOST HIS MIND. as soon as the words left his mouth he knew he was a dead man walking.

izuku leveled him a glare so fierce that he actually took a step back w/ chills running up his back. "kacchan i may be pregnant but im not an invalid," izuku said with the sharp edge of a smile and thinly veiled steel in his voice. the scariest part was that he hadn't drop a single smile but the ominous threas was there. "do you want me to show you how much of not invalid i am?"

katsuki scowled, face pinching at the thought whether this was just the usual deku's bs or this was deku's bs + the pregnancy hormones that get him so rile up. either way, katsuki no matter how much of an ass he was, he wasn't going to punch a pregnant omega to prove a point.

"fine, that was dumb sorry," he said, scratching the back of his ear in annoyance. "so was that all you wanted to say?"

deku's eyes crinkle in amusement as katsuki's scowl deepens. "yea, i just wanted you to hear the news from me personally and expressed my thanks."

"i'll take good care of them," he said softly, a stray hand caressing his stomach carefully. "I promise i'll be good to them so you dont have to worry."

katsuki paused and then, "I know," he said bc he does. deku was going to be a good parent w/o a doubt. That is a truth.

deku's eyes light up at katsuki's words and there was a hint of wetness in them that katsuki had the unnerving fear that he was going to cry right here and katsuki's entire agency going to charge out & murder him for making a pregnant omega, THE PREGNANT OMEGA DEKU cry in public.

"t-thank you," he sniffs, but THANKFULLY NO ACTUAL CRYING INVOLE, "it makes me so happy to hear that you in believe me. i won't fail you, i swear!" he said it like he was making a vow for world peace or some shit bc of how serious it had sounded but this was important to him.

"yea, okay," katsuki said, looking away bc got this entire conversation was agonizing bc here he was talking to the person, but not JUST ANY RANDOM PERSON, who is carrying a baby w/ half of katsuki's dna & they're not fucking each other. like,,, that's fucking weird okay.

"that's all i wanted to say," deku told him, fully aware how uncomfortable this talk was making him, "so I won't bother you anymore." he gave one last smile and turned to go but KATSUKI WHO SHOULD HAVE LET IT END THERE found himself opening his mouth and grabbing deku by the arm.

it was careful, a firm but gentle hand placed his forearm like deku was glass that stopped him for a moment. "if--if," katsuki said, swallowing around a stone in his throat, "you find yourself needing anything, call me ok? ANYTHING i dont care just call me and i'll be there."

a slow but the brightest fucking smile he had ever seen bloom on deku's flushed face. "ok, i'll let you know," he replied, bc this was KATSUKI PUTING HIMSELF OUT THERE AND WANTING TO GET INVOLVE IN IZUKU'S PREGNACY even tho deku had given him a clean break from it. HE CHOSE THIS.

katsuki doesn't know what he was thinking then but the words slipped passed his guard before he can stop it & now he fucking doomed himself, doom himself to 3am late night calls of deku crying in hysteric at his home bc he ran out of some rare hard to find fruit bc CRAVINGS. so now katsuki had to dragged himself all the way across town to hunt for this shit. the morning news of that day was hero ground zero harrassing shopkeeper in the FUCKING ASS'S OCLOCK FOR SOME FRUIT AND DEMANDING IT NOW FOR W/E REASON, WHILE LOOKING SO FURIOUS & UNHINGED.

look, it's not like deku doesn't have an entire network of ppl to reach out to if he ever needed anything bc they would even laid down their life for him but even when he's cursing a storm trying to get deku's his midnight craving, he's so relief it's him that deku called first. besides, he firmly knew wut he had signed up for the moment he had opened his mouth. offering is help in the pregnancy process was him choosing to get involve and commit to deku & his (god fucking damn shit, he can't think of it as *theirs* bc that's too dangerous) baby. and bc this is bakugou katsuki and he never does any by halves so even though he may have been reluctant at first but now that he's firmly on board he's going in full throttle w/ no break in sight. katsuki dumps all his $$ on pregnacy & prenatal care books.

he read papers, argued on pregnancy forum, & even harassed his parents on it just so he can come at this like a fucking boss bc while he has full faith in deku to put the safety of the fetus first but also HE DOESN'T FUCKING TRUST DEKU TO PUT HIMSELF FIRST which is just as import. deku has the self-preservation of a damn child & he can't expect a *child* to take care of himself so KATSUKI OBVIOUSLY GOT TO DO IT FOR HIM. so he make diet plans, prepare prep meals for deku ahead of them, annoyed deku's coworkers to watch out for him lest he does something stupid. he make it his firm mission that this pregnancy will go smoothly as possible so even when he's running errands for deku, getting his weird ass food craving, and taking deku to visit his ob-gyn, sitting in the waiting room anxiously for any news in case SOMETHING GO WRONG.

He even drives himself crazy learning about the things a pregnant person can't do/is at risk of doing & he doesn't know how anyone can fucking take this for 10 months bc it's like walking on a precarious tight rope. it's scary & humbling and he just want deku & the baby to be ok.

there are still crimes and villains to wrangle, and the world keeps on spinning; nothing really change all that much now that deku's pregnant but katsuki finds himself personally accolating his precious time and energy toward deku & the baby. he became one of those *PEOPLE*, ugh. he never got it even when his friends had popped out spawns of their own. he wasn't going to get dragged down by biology & all that general bullshit about settling down. he's at the top of his game & prize to take over deku's position as no.1. he got no time for playing family.

yet here he is standing in the middle of a fucking baby store, staring down a damn baby crib and having a melt down. who the fuck knew that baby cribs come in so many fucking versions and THERE ARE JUST TOO MANY OF THEM. he thought he had come prepare but no this was toughs shit. he only saw this store in passing while on a patrol & thought he should drop by but the next thing he knew he got trapped here for three fucking hours just looking at baby cribs. he already got several people walking passed him, eyeing him weirdly as he internally freak out.

there are ridiculous amount of info floating on the internet about crib buying guide like the bars could only be certain inches apart, non-toxic paints, diff kind of mattress, safe headboards, etc etc. all of that to ensure the baby doesn't fucking DIE bc babies are like FRAGILE.

he calls deku & as soon as he picks up, the first thing katsuki says is, "last year, there were 1,842 babies death due to sudden infant death syndrome."

a long pointed pause, and then, "oh geez," deku answers, "where are you? I'll be right there, okay? don't go anywhere!"

#bakudeku #not!fic #sperm donor au

133 notes · View notes