#like i am literally not a happy person primarily because patriarchy exists

[pjharvey]

does anyone have ideas on getting involved in irl feminist activism in your community i literally think it's the only way i'm going to like. survive. and i'm completely serious about that.

[lawrencegarte]

okay this review is consuming my mind honestly and i typed up my first reply while i was in the bathroom at work so i didn't get to really fully break down why this is so fucking stupid so i'm gonna go through and answer all their questions one by one

-this is like the only semi-fair question but it's not even really valid. the point is they're barbies. like point blank. if you've looked at the barbie line-up at all in recent years you will see a barbie in a wheelchair. you will see a barbie with down syndrome. you will see tall barbie, short barbie, curvy barbie, asian barbie, black barbie, amputee barbie -- these are all real barbies that exist on the market, and THAT is primarily why there is so much sprawling diversity in barbieland. could we have seen more of these barbies in larger roles? maybe! but the reason for their existence is plain.

-it's not a utopia. it's barbieland. and the only explicit couple ever seen pre-patriarchy is stereotypical barbie and ken. because like. they're the dolls barbie and ken and that's what they were made to be.

-again, not a utopia. barbie doll world.

-the difference is that barbie and ken are manufactured by mattel to be a couple. this reviewer seems to not know about barbie. i think maybe they went into the movie believing that margot robbie was just playing herself on screen and is confused as to why actor ryan gosling doesn't have genitals.

-it's not really fully explained if the dolls become flesh in the real world or are made of plastic in barbieland. like that joke about whether barbieland is an alternate reality or a parallel universe to ours or its own separate place ("yes") kind of explains this. there's meant to be some suspension of disbelief in the barbie movie.

-again, they're barbie dolls. feast ur fuckin eyes.

holy shit it's supreme court barbie. wow. wowzer. dipshit.

-oh my god what is this person not grasping about the barbie thing

-no, nobody believes that men and women are markedly different and that women are better than men. that is not what this movie is saying. patriarchy bad. matriarchy... also bad?? if you watched the movie you might pick up on its themes.

-this is going back to the doll line thing. there just simply aren;t as many kens on the market. because nobody cares about ken. he really is just ken i'm sorry girls don't care and boys also don't care. boys play with toys that aren't barbies. it's not a men vs women thing it's a ken vs barbie thing. mattel just isn't going to invest in a fuck ton of new ken dolls that aren't going to sell.

-what?? it's bad because powerlessness is bad. what the fuck.

-submission is not liberatory for ken. this person did not watch this film. "it's barbie... and It's Ken...." these are words spoken aloud by barbie after telling ken he needs to find his own identity separate from her to be happy.

-why are you calling barbie a fascist. anyway that's literally proven, again, through the text in the film that you didn't watch, to be the incorrect course of action. barbieland does not return to being a full matriarchy in the end.

-i dunno, i don't really have a rebuttal for this one. except for um. the barbies are created by people in the real world so it doesn't really matter what flattering means in a world without sex because the barbies are sold in a world WITH sex. half a point for this question!

-i can't answer which is more fun to write. but i can say that america farrera stares directly down the lens at the audience and delivers a monologue about how much it fucking sucks to be a woman because of all the double standards placed on us and then at the end of the movie stereotypical barbie talks to god and is like "hey i don't feel perfect and pretty anymore i don't know who i am without those features. maybe i'm not barbie. maybe i'm just... a human being" because human women are not competent, poised, gentle, and asexual (she gets a vagina at the end!! reviewer must be so happy she can fuck now!!) (also yes some women are asexual, like me!!, but the point still remains)

-ummmmmmmmmmm actually female traits are pointed out all throughout the movie, i think only connecting womanhood to motherhood is actually 100% a you problem. i think maybe womanhood in this film also includes presidency and making scientific advancements.

-haven't seen it. sorry. barbie should have said "don't ask me, i'm just a girl!" in the movie tho it would have been a funny reference.

-oh shut the fuck up

x

[misterbitches]

hi! this is long as shit i’m sorry. i hope it makes sense. i ahve adhd and like 5 million learning disorders so this is just word vomit cos there’s so many words in my brain. my b.

i’ve had such a tough day so thank you for replying and sharing! @yeedak​ 

i was thinking about what i wrote and i meant to clarify that as well. some cases are fine for both parties and it’s not like you weren’t consenting and it seems like you were happy! same with my friend who was dating a 20 yr old. if they’re happy you know i’ll clown on ‘em but yea. so for anyone that sees these posts your relationship with your partner who is older or whatever. i’m some dumb girl on the internet okay. ill side eye older ppl tho

i think a lot of people feel the same way you do now (me included.) it feels really good at the time but alter we can see the dynamics playing out. i’m 29 now and i think aging is just such a huge process. it’s wild how you at 31 are a totally different person, right?

and the US racism is probably some of the worst ever in its iteration because of slavery which started from europe etc but USA is so fucking unique bc of columbus bringing slaves here and displacing indigenous peoples or hispanola and because america is so influential the way it views race, particularly with black people as objects, has so deeply permeated into the current historical psyche globally. it’s fascinating to track how necessary anti blackness is to the flourishing of america but also the world at this point. also want to point out how fuckign scary sinophobia is here especially for covid. one is a straight historical line (black ppl + the US) and the other had to be manufactured and to continue to exploit the non-white americans and keep antiblackness in tact.i could go on about this all day. the pain of this place is immense.yet as bad as it is here, this is still the only place i truly feel safe as a black person. because of the unique experience we have in america and through the diaspora especially because we are veyr much ocncentrated here. it would be nice to like move to norway and have some alleviation financially or get free healthcare it’s just not feasible if no one looks like me. it’s fucking tough. 

i hope you don’t hate it here though and people treat you with respect. but as you know being a woman and jewish and an immigrant....shit is tough. the USA is a hellhole. :( america is so deeply tainted and desperately bad because it was founded on strife and blood and there’s no way to reverse that and what this country did in turn when it gained enough power and could capitalize off of the colonial forefathers. this is why we hsould all luv revolution!!!

HOWMEVERRRR 

boy oh boy oh BOY OH BOYYYYYYYY. well wlecome to the world of BL lmao especially as an adult with some obviously deep perspective just given your background. it is a fucking mess and it’s a hard mess to like but it pulls you in. i approach it like i do with soap operas since these are essentially telenovelas, you know? just like the drama at a billion. but the tricky part of that is like....what parts of it do we understand for critiquing? because so many of the shows are so bad at being like good pieces of things to look at just production wise and story wise. but i feel like these shows ask us to take them seriously, so why shouldn’t we take the content seriously? and this is being primarily peddled to young girls. 

i bring this up often but i read this thing about yaoi and the interest younger women/girls have in BL and its fascination with pederasty essentially. this component i think is key when we talk about who gets affected by these things the most. society in general is bad 4 girls bla bla we know lmao but in “more sexually conservative” societies it may be harder for these girls to feel safe even expressing normal emotions romantically and sexually and particularly with guys. some people hypothesized, and i think i agree with this hypothesis, that they can live through the casualness of BL. they don’t feel threatened because they can put themselves into the shoes of the other character. oftentimes, the more feminine or the younger. this was in conjunction with the age gap aspect (they say pederasty as well because there’s unethical age gaps that r gross and that is indeed what we would at least call a touch of sexual abuse if people dont feel like calling it an obsession with youth and power and uhhh young ppl and perhaps kids) where maybe girls could see themselves in these situations as the person being saved, loved, taken care of, and sadly also sexually active and penetrated. 

i think that’s just one aspect of it but i do think there’s validity in who gravitates towards it. i cannot imagine seeing this stuff and not getting enough information as a young kid, i sure as fuck know i didn’t!, and seeing these things and you look at it with 0 critique because you’re young and you may have no interest in it or you simply cannot understand what is wrong. no one is teaching you these things and these shows confirm it. and it is wild how intrinsic patriarchy is to BL although in its existence it also can’t be in line with patriarchy given the nature of two [cis] men!

it begs the question about the replacement aspect. is it just so girls can put themselves in these characters shoes? if so then that means we believe that gender is so interchangeable within our relationships and interactions and that doesn’t seem right. there’s more to lgbtq+ than just existing; it’s finding ways to communicate, finding a family, safety, your people, being a free person. there’s a lot to gain and a lot a lot to lose. and a gay man is also not a woman because those are also two distinct experiences.  especially in societies that have a more hidden aspect to sexuality (idk how to word this bc the BL industry would NEVER survive in america but in a way there’s a more “progressive” look at homosexuality but it’s still fucked up because we live in a Society, you know? at the same time look at what we are doing to trans kids. literally waging war so it’s bonkers how we all collectively have some real progress happening but at the same time not at all. the concept of ‘ladyboys’ and the frequency we see trans people in thai shows is wild and something that we absolutely do not see here in the US. still, none of these groups feel safe or are getting better material conditions in either place. we just show the ways we can try and tolerate oppression witout eliminating it imo)

to me it is clear: it’s money. which most things exist to make money so. but also who is the audience for these shows? and they have to market towards them. all that said all hope is not lost there are some decent shows. it’s just like regular media on TV though where it’s so fucking saturated as an industry that it’s literally sifting through garbage. and there are some days when you can handle the trash and others where it really fucking hurts to watch the violence, the rape, the manipulation, the violations, the stupid messaging. i have never seen more people trying to do mental gymnastics and seeing if things were “technically rape” than in teh BL fandom and that is so fucking sad.

i came into these shows at 28 with almost 0 clue of what as media BL was like esp as media that countries can use as soft power with the revenue. but i realize like...i’m 29 now and so many people don’t have a sizeable, though not huge, amount of life experience. and i wonder for people on the internet who are usually searching for something if they spend so much time on it like what a 15 year old girl thinks. what a 20 year old girl thinks. 

it is incredibly problematic and so awful but there’s also some rewards. if you haven’t i would definitely watch i told sunsset about you which i don’t think i’m going to finish and i doubt i’ll watch the second installment (watch this be a lie) but when i say some fucking impeccable storytelling and art? phew. now that is a fucking piece of media that works. it takes from moonlight heavily and you can see like...the artistic dedication is there and the story makes its world and sets up its stakes extremely well. 

i think because this is marketed towards much younger people too they know they dont have to try as hard. but they SHOULD because then you can have a fucking masterpiece like that. i think even this prolific gay thai filmmaker (who is like solidly against the government) who is so respected (and who i like a lot! if u wanna know i can tell u lmao but the films are very uhhhhhhhh “artsy”) would like i told sunset about you. i wish more people had budget like that and also just cared about the stories. it’s the fucking magic of art to figure out what you can do but there is very little incentive honestly. idk i am very pessimistic. there are days when it’s really a great pick me up and distraction but it is never a place i would love for to feel seen or heard but i’m more of the mind of i never trust the mainstream until they prove me wrong ;) 

or i never trust the mainstream and i still buy into it anyway and then cry when i don’t like what i see adn i yell “BOO GET OFF THE STAGE!” when an old man won’t leave a teenager alone

[nonbinarysasquatch]

Nathaniel and I Are Just Friends!

I love this goddamn episode. In fact, this is one of my favourite episodes of the series. This puts me in a pretty small group, admittedly but eh.

So I love most everything about this episode except for one, admittedly petty, thing:

It makes no sense that Rebecca doesn’t know Sunil has been working for her for 8 months. I’ve ranted about it before but ugh. I don’t know why this one thing gets under my skin (after all, I’m not bothered by no one noticing that Rebecca and Nathaniel have been having an affair literally in the office right under their noses) but it really bugs me. Paula and Rebecca talk EVERY DAY. Rebecca probably has to sign his checks.

This was probably just something that made everyone in the writer’s room laugh but strictly speaking: it doesn’t make sense.

That out of the way, I’ll talk about the plots one by one:

Heather and Hector: I love pretty much everything about all of their stuff this episode. Hector really becomes a full character in season 3, something that was probably a bit overdue. Though unfortunately, there’s a limited amount of screen time to go around.

I think, honestly, the level of character development and main plot integration Heather got this season is probably under appreciated. Of all the leads in seasons 1 and 2 she was arguably the least well integrated with the least amount of plot development (and what she got before largely was in service of Greg as a character.)

But Heather is a big focus of the back half of season 3, which is definitely one of the reasons why I love it. Still… amusing that Heather comments on her own rapid character development right before the time skip.

Valencia/Beth: Let it be stated for the record that in that first scene with Valencia and Beth I said to @rowanthesloth via text something along the lines of “is that lady into Valencia?” I felt really vindicated when they were together after the time jump.

I know a lot of people are really upset that the show brushed over Valencia’s realisation of her sexuality. I have mixed feelings. On the one hand, I think it’s important for queer narratives to be presented in different ways. There’s a tendency for queer people never being able to just EXIST and everything needing to be about that.

So I like the casual reveal and that it isn’t treated like a big deal and I understand why they wouldn’t want to repeat themselves. Part of me wonders if it wouldn’t have been better to have introduced Beth an episode or two earlier and at least pre seeded it. But Idk. I’m emotionally attached to the reveal as is. But let me tell you, if Valencia doesn’t get a song about Beth in some fashion next season I’ll be annoyed (in fact in general, Valencia deserves more solo songs.)

The Joshes: Not much to say about these two. I love the Happy tats for manatees gag and I tend to enjoy anytime the two Joshes get to interact. Hello, Max!

Paula and Sunil: If there’s an opinion about the back half of season 3 that I disagree with the most it relates to Paula. I’ve seen people opining that her friendship with Rebecca took a backseat or even that it barely existed… I can agree with the former. Compared with the rest of the series, they did have less scenes together and Paula did often get less screen time than Nathaniel (though he’s also been around less long and is in more need of development.)

But her friendship with Rebecca didn’t go away. Unless I’m forgetting something they had at least one scene together every episode and this episode makes it clear that their friendship is still strong (even though apparently Paula hasn’t mentioned that Sunil is working for her???)

Crap. I was supposed to be talking about Sunil. No, I think what the show does with Paula is interesting. Because she has always kind of been a jerk to everyone who works at the office (my god, I’m not going to call it Bunch, Whitefeather, Plimpton, Plimpton and Plimpton.) But we’ve never had a reason to care, because as Rebecca says, she’s always nice to her and Rebecca is the lens we have primarily seen the office through.

I think it makes sense that with Sunil working there, Paula would start to treat him like the others. But the show in this episode is starting (or continuing depending on your POV) to have the characters face up to their actions. So Paula has to engage with her treatment… Well, sort of. She’s won Sunil back over but it’s not clear if she’ll bother being nicer to the others. Maybe not.

Rebecca and Nathaniel: The real thing that makes this episode a winner is Rebecca’s character development. God, I relate to Rebecca in this episode. I too am afraid that I can’t love someone without obsessing over them and the bad path that might send me on. Is it healthy? Nope, but it’s better than where I was before.

So I think sometimes when I see people bashing season 3b… I don’t know. I may take it a little personally. Because there’s just so much about Rebecca in this part of the series that I relate to.

I don’t really fault Rebecca that much for having an affair for 8 months with Nathaniel. She’s probably not wrong that it’s the most healthy relationship she’s had. It’s not healthy but considering her past… I get it.

I admit my attitudes towards cheating are pretty relaxed. I think it’s overvalued as a terrible thing in relationships and I think the entire concept of monogamy derives from the patriarchy, which doesn’t mean monogamy isn’t inherently bad but a lot of ABOUT it is patriarchal in its roots.

Still, Nathaniel dating Mona for 8 months and having an affair with Rebecca isn’t cool. But it’s also far from the worse thing he’s done so whatever (Idk maybe I’m weird for thinking that plotting murder is worse than cheating?)

But mostly the lens I look through is Rebecca. And I actually really love the supplies metaphor break up scene. Not because I’m invested in their relationship but because I’m invested in Rebecca’s growth. It’s a sign of maturity on her part and I eat that shit up.

Likewise, I love her final therapy session with Akopian. It’s so real and heartbreaking as we get to the real root of Rebecca’s problem: she wants to live. Through everything, Rebecca still feels she’s a potential danger to herself. Which is a heartbreaking notion. It requires a level of self-awareness she didn’t have earlier in the series.

It’s just… a beautiful scene and Akopian says some of the most important things she has ever said to her. Rebecca can’t live her life without intimacy. But at the same time, I understand her fear. I understand why she can’t overcome it. She needs more time.

The Songs:

This Session is Going to Be Different: I love this song. I didn’t pay it much attention on first viewing but it’s really grown on me and Michael Hyatt is incredible. And how cool is it that an episode opens directly with a song? It took Akopian a long time to finally fall prey to Rebecca’s musical inner life, I guess. I hope Donna Lynne gets that duet with Michael Hyatt she wants next season.

Face Your Fears (Reprise): Much like Rebecca’s Reprise in season 2, this reworks a previously funny song into something emotional. I love everything about this scene, from Rachel’s live vocals to the lighting and the way Rebecca doesn’t finish the final “face your fears.”

Episode Rating: 10.0 out of 10.0.

Frustration over Rebecca not knowing Sunil works for her aside, this is one of the best episodes of the series. Does anyone agree with me? Probably not. But I can live with that.

[hiriajuu-suffering]

My views on Heteronormative Feminism are...problematic?

I didn’t used to think this way, I used to think men and women were morally equal, that generally both genders had the same conceptions for happiness. Having gone through almost 90% of my 20s, I can’t feel the same. I’m unable to feel the same. I’m totally numb to feminine experience because it garners no empathy of giving value to others intrinsically. While I think toxic femininity is a direct result of patriarchal norms, ultimately, feminism itself champions these negative traits rather than highlight them as repercussions of the patriarchy.

Women don’t find men attractive beyond what they can provide. Women don’t want men, they want the additional 22% average earnings a man makes to be taken away from the man they’re with and be given (most likely unearned) to them. Women don’t want sex with men, they’re driven by the biological need for sperm to reproduce to think they want men but are nurtured into thinking women are more attractive than men, thereby making it such that their attraction to any masculinity outside of a normative conception be nullified. Women don’t like men, the natural tendency for any pending issue in their lives is diverting blame to those in power instead of taking responsibility. Women don’t treat men as equals, men’s social opinions are automatically deemed lesser due to what male privilege provides (though female privilege affords basic things social instincts like interacting with children and acknowledging feelings) whilst adding toxic masculinity to the act of sex itself by assuming men are devoid of attachment oxytocin.

Women are Hobbesian, men are Lockean. I’m, of course, referring to state of nature theories here. Men’s desire to promote conflict and strife for the advance of power/status is a direct result of what the women said men desire and the perceived deficits women have of a men. Why are all the shortest dictators in history the most violent? Why is one of the largest postmodern marketing tropes about penis size (arguably eclipsing cup size)? Why do men prioritize their physical appearance (meathead culture) in a contrast where the feminine narrative is body positivity? Why don’t we talk about how men feel and why men (not just attempting) killing themselves at higher rates? A woman can rightfully feel fulfilled by simply being a parent, but a man has to be a good parent, professional, provider, lover, advisor, counselor, and source of emotional support all in one. It doesn’t matter what’s in a woman’s bank account to anyone, but it always matters what’s in a man’s bank account to a woman. A woman is a more attractive public figure because men flock to her, a man can’t fly through the roof in the same way because masculinity caps at normativity (hence why women pull more than 70% of the views on twitch/youtube while being less than 10% of the content base and having a generally lesser level of expertise in their target niche).

Our crossroads is heteronormative femininity gets every social advantage imaginable which systemic barriers remain in place in which men get punished for. Feminism shouldn’t be at the expense of men, any decent feminist should tell you this. Yet, frankly, it most often is. OnlyFans culture is the exploitation of men’s desirability complexes, the model itself doesn’t function when you ask women to pay to see men at that level of intimacy (and no, that has nothing to do with the wage gap). Women have a unique advantage of having the option to sell their body, labor, or mind; men can practically only sell their labor with a small possibility of their mind. The unavailability for a man to sell ones body professionally means while men “get paid more on average,” they will always have less opportunity because society will always pick a woman first. Heck, if we were to take the wage gap literally, it’s economically advantageous to pay equal work for 82% of its worth, meaning women have more opportunity to partake in occupational freedom holistically. Alimony and child support law is a relic of patriarchal norms all feminism ignores for its own benefit.

I can’t find myself to be a moral agent force for good if my physiological need to reproduce is making me beholden to the desires of women. What women desire for my life is my suffering, to undermine my existence to the point of nothingness because I am a South Asian American man that can’t even normalize within his own hyperminority. I can’t think of a single woman in my whole life that looked at my welfare selflessly, not even my mother, sister, or aunt (S.A.W.), the three women in my life that are supposed to care more about me than any other women should even if I were to take a wife. At this point, I think it’s impossible. Not because of these ridiculously contrarian views I’m spouting, because I’m simply that repugnant to the feminine ire that I can no longer see myself as attractive to those I care about attracting. Don’t get me wrong, I have a general disdain for all of humanity, how it treats it medium of exchange (money) over the valuation of personhood (hence why people have been bought and sold from the beginning of time until now), but because women are in primary control of the social forces at play, women are primarily responsible for money coming over personhood. No one will like me, but because a woman’s perspective is just a kaleidoscope of social normativity, it especially won’t be a woman.

I don’t want a woman who hangs on my words and come away from this hating their own gender, but there’s a reason many empathize with the notion of a woman who prefers the company of men over women. Not because she finds them attractive, no-no-no, they’ve all been friendzoned, it’s because they’re less morally manipulative specimens in a social arena. There’s not a constant play for social advantage or social dominance. Whereas men show their pride by flexing more literally, women step on each other much more willingly to get ahead and feminine engagement becomes a status-chase (even if the status itself empathy/emotional quotient). Every woman, from a very young age, is taught they must always do one thing well: exploit a man for everything he’s worth but never show your appreciation for what he’s worth, otherwise, it’s a sign of weakness and submission. Maybe that’s why lots of men find submission attractive, they see it as genuine appreciation...when in reality it’s often an even greater social ploy because no self-respecting woman would ever submit to a man by choice, even if they are completely, profoundly, and utterly wrong. Feminine submission always comes as a tradeoff for something else, masculine submission is expected as a necessity for consent which ironically somehow makes the person less masculine (way to internalize toxic masculinty, btw).

It’s gotten to the point where simping has become so normalized, every single girl that ever shows an iota of interest in me is always trying to get something out of me before she’s placed any of herself to be committed. Women just expect $1,000+ to be handed to them for showing a physical interest in a man at all, not committing to be with the man in any capacity, mind you. Even then, for most women, it’s just not enough. It’s like they want every man to be destitute while creating the least amount of real pleasure on men possible. When they say “suck you dry,” they mean your wallet and bank account, not your prostate. They want all of us to die in our Mid-50′s of prostate cancer because of course they don’t actually want to have sex at all so they would rather see us die a slow and painful death than follow their base instincts to put out once in awhile. If I haven’t made this painfully clear already, I don’t hate women. I want to hate women because I recognize every foul way they treat me, but I have a physical inability to hate women because of my own heteronormativity. My core claim is every woman is demisexual and only a statistical blip isn’t completely asexual to me, so why should I seek out happiness by companionship with one? Every moment I’ve spent pursuing the experience of a woman has detracted from something comparatively more morally productive, but I’m bound to it because life is suffering. Exploitation is the worst possible way to dehumanize one’s experiences and women seek to actively do that in their romantic relationships on a diachronic basis.

I know how fucked my views are right now, and I’ll delete them and this post when a woman proves me wrong and restores my faith in femininity. A depersonalized proof has no bearing on my personal views because I have to live my truth (funny how men are often denied the ability to live their truth out of monetary constraints yet women will always have another to lean on). I have no faith in the woman I love the most to be able to retain strength in femininity and she’s the only one I’ve experienced to appreciate me intrinsically. Even as an exception to a lot of the general patterns, she remains steadfastly unwilling to act for my, and thereby our, welfare with those intentions, making her a rather pitiful exception to say my views are wrong. If women want to be seen as positive morality, they have to stop working within the realms of being a slave to the patriarchy. Actively breaking down those barriers, even when a gender stands nothing to benefit, is good on its own. Patriarchal norms, in fact, pinpoint my specific ethnic diaspora and gender as the most abhorrent in the world and actively seeks to exterminate me when I’m not properly segregated to the group I was born into.

I’m going to get so much hate for this if any woman deems worthy of even so much as a reply, I doubt it though.