#like i actually slept last night! a lot of people in my class didnt have time to sleep!!!!

[polyamorouspunk]

sleepover friday *vent warning*

im so fucking annoyed at myself i just submitted an essay for my degree and it went so fucking badly

its over 1000 words under the word count and its barely referenced, i was pretty much going off of my base knowledge for a bunch of the information i put in it because i ran out of time to research

even though i had OVER 2 MONTHS to write 4000 words which is *plenty of time* if id actually begun working on more than just a plan before this week

i even had a 3 week break over easter but i did absolutely fuck all the entire time

the worst part it i was soooo excited about this project the entire time, the topic is really interesting to me and i really wanted to do well, i just *couldnt* actually get myself to work on it

and on top of that ive skipped most of the content for my other modules this semester mostly because i couldnt be bothered to get out of bed for the scheduled stuff and then didnt see the point in doing the reading for the thing i wasnt going to

i feel like at this point i should probably just drop out because i obviously cant handle this but i really want to keep going, i need to finish this degree

i keep telling myself "next time ill start earlier", "next time ill do the reading" but i never fucking learn

sorry for just kind of yelling at you about my problems, i just needed to get it out, ill probably feel (slightly) better after ive slept and eaten something other than snacks <2

a few good things did happen this week as well though, i went to see The Maine last night (bought the tickets back in autumn and decided to go anyway regardless of how little of my essay was finished) and a few days ago i did a scavenger hunt type event with my rock society (the music) where my friend did not break his feet (confirmed by doctor) (challenge was highest jump, he jumped off a wall) and another friend ate a pringle covered in dish soap and a lot of salt (challenge was eat the grossest thing) (last time they did this someone ate out of one of the bins along the street)

That sounds like a lot of fun! I’m glad you have a group of people with shared interests like that doing fun things!

There’s nothing wrong with being burnt out from school work/life. I myself dropped out of my last class I need to graduate and STILL I haven’t even checked to make sure that I did drop out.

I’m just going to try again next year because it’s okay that this isn’t my year for it.

[lesbicastagna]

for no reasons at all (bored in class) im going to finally disclose in more clear detail what caused my great summer 22 breakdown

for this to work i need to set the scene a little. on excavations its very easy to get really close with people really quick. First because you work together. But then when youre done with the 8ish hours of work, you all live together in the same place so you essentially work eat and sleep together, also often in very spartan places so the spaces are Very shared.

For This excavation we were there 4 weeks. We were staying in an old kindergarten. 15/20 young adults (from 20 to 30 year more or less). The professor did Not stay with us (he was barely there on the work itself).

detail. he was close friends with another girl. Lets say shes A. they worked together before and they were on the same wavelength. me and her never worked in the same area, we got along but she wasnt in my closest circle lets say. That being said. we've had a..variety of moments. I liked her but i didnt have any projects to try anything Romantic for a lot of reasons. But she was..fond? of me. so we were kinda in this treshold.

The first 2 weeks i worked at the tower where the guy in question, lets call him C, also worked. I did not like him at all first impression he seemed like the worst type of guy you can find on excavations: obsessed, full of himself, generally weird not in the fun sense. im not above being superficial and saying that i didnt like him bc he was blond also....god forbid.

He actually turned out to be great! He was not full of himself and his obsession most of the time was genuine passion for the job, that he was very happy to share and i love people who can talk your ear off about topics, especially since it was my first medieval excavation so i didnt really know shit abt it. He had a variety of hobbies, most interestingly he worked with metals, in true medievalhead fashion he could do from jewelry to swords all by himself. All this being said i generally liked the guy (even if he was a workaholic and im. not. so we often argued on the job) but i didnt much of it. We share some interests in the sense that i can, obviously, talk about history and literature and poetry so we would often discuss also archeology obv (not by ourselves often with the others obviously you are Rarely alone with only one unless you like shower together and even then ive had showers with other 4 ppl so). But you have to understand again that i could say equally interesting and praising things about most of the people working with me: you just get to know eachother very quickly and very deeply!

SO. last night of the excavation. We did a big celebration dinner we ate and drank a lot and had a lot of fun generally. on this dinner we also talked a lot and its when i talked for 20 minutes with her abt literature (C was next to us too and at one point he lit my cigarette very homosexually like with his own sorry this is random i was. intoxicated so i remember bits and pieces from here).

At one point we go back to the school where we slept. We kept drinking and playing there and obviously started smoking weed at one point bc we are university students. From now on my recollection is kind of sparce because usually i hold my ground pretty well but with the food and the alcohol and Everything i got. Very high. Also it was like 4am and i hadnt slept. We finish smoking and the energy is winding down by now. We were in one of the shared rooms (not the one where i slept) on A's matress. Dont ask. I was very chill just laying there being silly.

I Cant...explain why i knew what it was supposed to be. Probably exactly why he chose to give me something like this. We did talk about christian literature and the gospels but not Specifically you know. To this day i cant say how he nailed it so well. So im like. Stopping him. C. are these supposed to be judas' pieces of silver? The ones he sold jesus for? And hes like. Yeah.

After a couple minutes C gets up and asks if he can talk to me. AGAIN i was Very chill, in general and with him too, so i didnt think much of it. This is a huge L for me tbh i considered myself good at understanding when men are interested in me and in damage control but alas.

We go out back, theres a little garden facing the hills so its very dark. I crack a joke i dont remember what but by his response i understand somethings is About To Go Down. Im in disbelief. He puts something in my hand, i feel fabric and the sound of metal clinking together but i cant see what it is. The situation is so surreal i keep being sarcastic. I feel around the little bag and im like: is there. Beer caps in here? Hes obviously very anxious despite also being very intoxicated. He starts explaining me how he worked on the gift. He collected beer caps and flattened them and put them in some solution to get the plastic color and logos off. he also made the satchel but i dont remember where he took the scraps fabric from. i dont remember probably bc as he was saying this i opened the bag and tried to look at the caps and as soon as i saw them i knew.

I dont remember how i got myself out of the tension i probably laughed hysterically because like. Come On. He started talking again and he was very obviously confessing. He complimented me, not my looks but my wits, how thoughtful i was despite initially coming off as abrasive. It was a very sweet and honest speech and to this day it haunts me in virtue of being one of the few confessions that did not mention my looks in any way. I immediately ruined it by being too high to have any tact and answering with, now infamous among my friends: ahah its because im a scorpio!

Curtains drawn, no applause. I think at that point one of the girls who slept in my room came looking for me and called me to bed. I thanked him profusely bc i was genuinely grateful but then i just went to my room. I didnt sleep. 5 minutes later it hit me: the coins, the garden. He wanted it to end in a judas' kiss. I was positively in a nervous fit by now and the only thing that helped was that everyone else in the room was Out but i definitely stayed up bent in half by guilt and anxiety all night. I heard him and A talk in the kitchen (it connected my room to theirs) but i couldn't make out the words.

Next morning we are closing site so we still Have to work. I try to distract myself and i wait for a moment where i can be with him alone because i wanted to apologize for my lack of tact in what was essentially a rejection. Hes very much avoiding me. Understandable. But im still very upset. I try to talk to A. I'm like. Im so sorry, but im not...into men? (i had talked abt being interested in women the weeks before so it wasnt a secret. its just not my style to come out as a lesbian formally). A was like "well it cant be helped then. He was kinda expecting the rejection dont worry. But im a little sad..i think you would have been great for him" WHATEVER? i was just so defeated at that point i was like.....alright. This girl i swear i was so smitten for her i just wasnt thinking straight because after all this she was like. Are you coming to my house with the others after we close today? We are going to a medieval fair tonight and you can all sleep over at my house my family isnt home. And i was like. Of Course im driving 2 hours to your fucking house and staying another day with this group where the boy i rejected also is!

I was just. Completely out of it by this point. I was on 2 hours of sleep still reeling from the night and with the exhaustion of 4 weeks of physical labour on my mind i was just. Out of touch. We close and i drive to her house. We were a smaller group at this point obv so we were like 8 ppl or smth. I will Not. Start with all the moments me and her had while i was at her house. Its just pathetic honestly. Me and C still were avoiding to be alone. I had too much on my mind.

We went to the fair. I managed to have fun, i was actually very excited to be there it was good. We ate there. I remember a moment of lucidity when we were sitting at the table (drinking again. I had to drive too idk what i was doing) and i was sitting between A and C and I was just like. There is no way this is happening. I fell off the excavation hill and im dying and my synapses are firing off. Understand i was at a medieval fair in this castle town with everyone dressed in period clothing and playing pretend. This requires more lore of my mindset but its not that hard to See Why i thought it was all a fabrication of my mind like im don chisciotte and ive read one epic too many.

We go back to her house. I dont remember much from the evening. I wake up the next day and finally get C alone. I apologize, i remember my frustration in trying to make him understand how i was feeling. He seemed ok enough.

We said our goodbyes and i had to drive all the way back home. Long story short i had a breakdown over not having enough gas to get home despite it being a completely solvable problem and i called my mom in tears crying how i was stupid and shitty and she was just like. Anna just fill the damn tank at a gas station. She witnessed the best of me that month.

[xylophxn]

So euh no, this is pissing me off. I'm in school 8-5, and it's really not funny actually, like yeah, I see my friends, sometimes, if I'm lucky and if i have lunchtime. We have a ton of pretty hard homework that demands a lot of work and have a lot of unnecessary and badly done classes that make you feel like you're losing time of your life for literally nothing. Also I don't sleep well cause I have adhd and a lot of problems with doing homework + the fact that I'm exhausted when I get home so I do my work the day before it's due, sometimes all night. All of that causes a lot of stress, me and a lot of people in my school are basically stressed 24/7, no joke. Also, school can be a nightmare. Last year I slept so little that I was sick for two months and still had to pass exams etc, the year before (at 15yo) I was so exhausted that i slept and didnt got out of my bed for two weeks during easter. Every end of semester, we have so much work that we go to school 8 to 5, then work until like 3 am. So yeah, not all that fun and easy game, but I think adults forget sometimes.

[darthwheezely]

dating george weasley and being a ravenclaw

warnings: stupidly [wickedly] hot men named george fabian weasley, kinda smut, cussing fs, angst because our angel is insecure, also i may have almost cried writing this and it’s sO LONG I AM SO SORRY

people that may like this (?): @whiz-bangs78 @vogueweasley @gcdric (whenever you’re back! :)) @theweasleyslut @thehufflepuffwife @lupinsclassroom @wand3ringr0s3 @kitwalker02 @monoscandal @pansydaisy

i’m obsessy espressy w this pic btw please take it for your enjoyment

this man boy

is so enamored with you

he doesn’t even really know a whole lot about you at first, stealing glances from across the great hall

listening intently when you answer questions in class

he starts to memorize the way you roll your eyes when you ask snape a question you can’t answer

and the way you wrinkle your nose when someone stereotypes you based on your house

you’re fiery, but you’re so poised for quick answers and sharp looks

he would pay big money to have you roast him during class like you do to cormac when he tries to hit on you a lot

which earns him many a revenge prank

and then he starts to try and talk to you, rather foolishly at first

but he finds it so intensely sexy the banter you two get involved in during these interactions

“If it isn’t my favorite little bird, Y/N ;)”

“Aren’t there other nests for you to bother, Weasley?”

“None that I find as mildly riveting, my dear, I do love a bird that chirps back”

“Do you like ones that bite, too?”

“I don’t know if your beak is sharp enough, love”

“Come up to me when I’m reading again, and I’ll give you some harder evidence of just how bad my bite is hmm?”

(Unbeknownst to you as you walk away, he’s already got some harder evidence growing in his jeans...)

he doesn’t stop searching you out, determined to prove to you he’s enough

you two after about a week and a half finally go out to hogsmeade on your first date

he takes you to the three broomsticks where you both drink butterbeer and make deep conversation for hours until close

there’s a point where he makes you laugh so hard you snort and spit out some of your butterbeer

which makes him snort and spit out his butterbeer

he realizes a couple things then:

1) he’s obsessed with the way you tell stories or talk passionately about the subjects you love. he adores watching how you light up everywhere in your body and talk so fast at points you can’t breathe

2) he wants to live in your head. he studies the way you think and watches you intently as you process punchlines and stories and memories and he realizes

i need to be something she thinks about

and without realizing it while you’re laughing super hard he puts his hand on the back of your neck and kisses you like it’s the last night on this planet

after about 12 seconds he pulls away and starts to turn red seeing your blank face unmoved

“i-i’m really sorry i promise i didnt mean to be that guy i just-“

and you’re pressing into him everywhere mouth and body and mind and he’s drinking you in like the butterbeer stained on his scarf and he is totally balls deep in love with you

you two are inseparable after that, making it official on the walk back to the castle

if you’re going on a stress tangent about how much work you have, for Beverly negative thought he’ll press a kiss to a pet of your face until you’re giggling and a mess and you’re kissing him back and then you’re on the table in the library...

“Georgie, you’re gonna kill my grades if we keep doing this!”

“You kill me everytime you blink for godric’s sake and yet here I am!”

he is a simp

he says he isn’t but anytime you bring out the “georgie, please” or “love, please” he turns to butter

fred thinks it’s the funniest shit and he capitalizes on it constantly

he calls you his little bird

most specifically his mockingbird because he claims you always set him at ease and make him feel like everything is centered

and he’s right, you do

you center the wild fire in him when he needs to breathe and look around

you see parts of him that aren’t balanced

there’s a night when you walk in on him just curled on his bed crying

your beautiful boy alone and sad and you instinctively start to cry too

You wrap your arms around him as he turns to you and buried his head in your lap. George, my love, what’s wrong?”

“I-I’m not like Fred I’m not like Charlie I’m sure as shit not like Bill I’m not like anyone that’s actually important” he chokes

“George-“

“No, you don’t understand, Y/N. I’m not good enough. For anyone. And I see it and hear about it everyday when my mum brags about how great her kids are and save us for last and when Fred can never shut up about how good he is at EXISTING and I-it swallows me whole, Y/N, I cant feel like this anymore” his body wracks out a harsh sob and you hold him like this

You hold him until he can start to fall asleep and you lay with him until you too, are asleep when he wakes up to tell you

“I love you. Forever, Y/N.”

And you push the hair off his lightly sweaty forehead and tell him “and I love YOU, George Weasley.” and you two fall back asleep happy crying in each other’s arms

he sees you struggle too

struggle with your workload

struggle with your own insecurities of not being good enough for him

telling him you’re just a girl that talks a lot about weird stuff and that you bring him down and he every time cups your face in his hands and pulls you down into him and says

“I love you here.” And kisses your forehead. “I love your mind.” And kisses below your earlobe “and I love you here. How you listen to people and always know what to say” and he kisses your nose “and I love you here, how you snort when you laugh really hard.” And he finally lands on your mouth, staying there for a moment, “and I love you most of all here. When you speak everything in your head and laugh and sing and talk and just breathe, my love. You’ve always been enough in all those places.” He presses one more kiss to your forehead and murmurs “I love you everywhere.”

anyway it’s time for spicy stuff

bow chicka wow wow as Fred would prolly say

George loves fucking you in the library it’s canon

he loves hoisting you on a table or against the stacks and murmuring against your skin how loud you are for him

“Is my little bird wanting to chirp a little louder?” He pries your thighs farther apart prompting a squeak and a small whine. “There it is, love, taking me so well...keep quiet, angel don’t want Pince to know how much of a cockslut you are for me writhing against the shelves do you?”

whew chile anyways

he also likes to touch you when you’re reading to him

but will stop and pull his face away from your neck and your hand from your core when you stop reading to him

“Angel, are you so much of a slut that you can’t focus on the words in front of you?”

“N-no, Georgie, oh my god right there”

“Thereeee, it is-“

mmmmm he’s hot fuck on GOD

when you guys slept together for the first time, he brought you to the *ding ding ding* restricted section after hours

he set up a whole ass blanket and relit the candles and brought pillows

it was very much making love to george and he whispered sweet nothings and praises in your ear the entire time

ugh what a MAN

anyway, TO THE BURROW WE GO!

molly fucking adores you

“My George brought home a beautiful Ravenclaw? Please know, Y/N he is an idiot most of the time and we wouldn’t be hurt if you found an out-“

“JESUS MUM LEAVE ME ALONE SKENSOWOWKWKKW”

again, Fred really does love you and enjoy your company

frequently comments about truly how unconditionally happy George has been, and how happy it makes him to see his younger twin so confident and full of joy

he also wouldn’t say this out loud but the more confident georgie gets, the better his prank plans become

i mean after all - he is the brains of the operations ;)

every chance he gets when you’re around his family or really anyone, he’ll sneak up behind you and plant a hearty kiss on your cheek and a quick “ILOVEYOU” in your ear before running off to do god knows what

oh, y’all bicker constantly

and by bicker i just mean argue about like

aliens

or is Wyoming a state

just like factually dumb but quirky shit

you’ve only had a fight like ONE time

and it was because George took a prank too far with Fred and you didn’t talk to him for an entire day

and because George has a lot of separation anxiety plus fear of abandonment he did not take it really well

You had gone back to your room after dinner in the Great Hall. For the whole day George didn’t eat. You knew because you hadn’t seen him anywhere in the Hall, and none of your classes. When you opened the door you saw him crouching knees pressed to his chest on your bed, he looked like a ghost. He met eyes with you and choked out a sob and ran to you, you opening your arms to hold him. “Please forgive me, Y/N I know you’re hurt but please don’t leave me I’ll be better next time I promise” he got faster and you knew he couldn’t breathe so you just whispered to him you weren’t going to leave you’ll be with him and you’ll stay and mistakes happen, you promise. “Georgie, I promise I’m never leaving. Okay?” He nodded into your shoulder, hunched into you. “I love you so much it hurts.” “I know, Georgie. I know.”

regardless for all his quirks and all his fears and hurts

there is nothing you wouldn’t do

to spend every waking moment with this boy

your love

and he, for the first time, knows he is enough

[pbandjesse]

Me and James are playing a new game that came out on our switch and Im having a really great time but my allergies are horrendous today and I feel like crap because of it. Its not the worst like, runny nose, but I feel very light headed. Its not very fun. But I am having a good time with my partner and thats what matters. 

Today was a pretty good time overall. I slept a lot better last night. Flipping the bed helped a ton. But I did not want to get up. I was to comfy. And honestly I just felt like. What was the point. I just didnt want to be awake. I wasnt thrilled about work. But I mostly just didnt want to go anywhere. It wasnt fun. 

But I would wake up around 930. And get up around 10. I listened to James talk to people on the phone and be great at their job. And when I did finally get up and dressed I would pack up the order from last night and get that sent out. 

I still had like an hour though. So I cut out a bunch more fabric for the bears. I did two that werent fuzzy. Just for some variety. But I didnt sew today. Just didnt have it in me. 

I had a sandwich for lunch.  And made myself a fancy drink. And soon enough I was out into the world. 

I was really glad I had James pull my one coat out of storage for today because it was very cold!! I was shocked. My fingers were hurting in the wind. It was not comfy at all to be in! I had left at the normal time so I could just go right in and clock in for the day. But I was mostly just glad to be warm. 

Apparently the morning had been stressful because of the cold. The class was barely 50 degrees this morning. So they tried moving the kids around and it was just a whole thing. But for the majority of the day it was a okay time. Nothing to wild happened. 

I had the kids make paper bag houses and they spent like 40 minutes focused on that so that was great. I got to read my book a bunch. There werent any big blow ups. Some tears but just the normal ones. 

We have been having them all be quiet for 10 to 15 minutes before we go to the gym every day and today we had them pick a book and close their eyes and some of them laid on yoga mats and actually fell asleep. It was a nappy kind of day. 

The gym was fun though. Only half the class was still there by the time we went downstairs. And so it was like of space. I shot baskets for a little. Then just played catch with one of the little guys. It wa nice. 

But it was mostly just good to be done. James texted me and we decided to order pizza. I got home just as the delivery driver was pulling up so we had a little laugh about that. And then I ate more then half the pizza and while it was great I also know that was a terrible idea. 

I have basically spent the rest of tonight hanging out with James. Playing this new game. We beat the main boss so that was exciting. And now I am just suffering with my allergies. So I am going to go take a shower and drink a lot of water and try to sleep. 

Goodnight everyone. Wash your hands. 

[thequeendesi]

Title: Never Forget It

Alt Title: You mean me?

Warnings: Vaguely mentioning reader's been assulted before

Pairings: Scott Reed x Reader

AU: N/A

Disclaimer: i dont own you or the 13 Reasons Why franchise, i do own the writing.

Rating: PG-13

..

You sighed, your hand flat on the door. Your mother suggested the group to you. A support group, though you couldn't help but still feel like you weren't victim enough.

"You going in?" You snapped out of your thoughts as you made eye contact with brown ones. "Oh.. hi." You moved out of her way. "I'm scared too." You let out a soft laugh.

"I was my first meeting too. You want me to walk in with you?" Tears threatened to spill as you nodded. The girl reached out her hand as you took it.

The room smelled like vanilla and pop. A few girls had already sat down and made small talk. "Jess! Nice to see you again." The older woman said who sat at the north of the circle.

You bit at your lip nervously as you sat next to Jess, your denim purse in your lap, your ankles crossed.

You watched as Jess conversed with the other girls, smiling happily. "Will you be going to Liberty High?" A girl sat next to you. "I'll be starting the week after your guy's first week."

"My name is Nina."

"(Y/N)."

"What grade are you in?" She asked, trying to make conversation with you. "Senior." You rubbed your shoulder. "I'm taking extra classes so i can graduate earlier."

"That must be a lot work." Nina smiled at you.

Honestly, you could feel your nervousness leave your body.

…

You listened to everyone talk about how they were coping.

"Now would anyone else like to share… new girl?" The woman looked at you. "Can… can i stay sitting down?" You fidgeted with your thumbs.

"Of course, as long as your comfortable."

"Oh.. alright, um.. My name is (Y/N), I'm 17, turning 18 (Y/BD), my favorite color (color), and I moved here a week or so ago." You cleared your throat. "I don't know what else to say."

"And that is perfectly fine. You're doing just fine (Y/N)." Everyone began to chime in, telling you it was fine and you're doing well.

..

You sigh, and rub your knuckles as someone approached you over at the snack table. "I think you're really brave for coming here."

You turned around, "thank you. Justin, right?" You tucked some hair behind your ear. "Oh yea." He laughed a little.

"So, where'd you come from?" He asked, grabbing a red cup of Sprite. "Dothan." You said, looking over at his confused expression. "Alabama." You chuckled nervously, you hadn't really been that close to another person since..

"Have you gone too our towns movie theater yet? Me and Jess we're going to go see that new comedy."

"Oh are you and Jess..?" You asked, looking over at the caramel skinned girl, who, surprisingly, thrown a thumbs up at you.

"Yea. She thought you might need some friends who.. get it."

That's all you needed, honestly, you felt alone and wanted friends who understood.

..

Soon, you were included into Jess and Justin's friend group. Upon that, you met Zach Dempsey, Tyler Down, Clay Jensen, Tony Padilla, Alex Standall, Sheri Holland, Courtney Crimson, Scott Reed and Sheri Holland. They'd allow you at the table at Monet's, you definitely had a strict 'no-touching-me' rule. Which everyone ahered too.

"Did anyone do any of the math homework last night?" Zach asked, sitting down in his usual spot. "I did." You said. "Do you all need it?" You asked, looking up from your other classes' homework.

You ended up discarded your wants to graduate early. The high school experience seemed to suit you.

Your friends nodded, making you give a soft laugh and get the paper out of your binder, putting it on the middle of the table.

You looked over to the other side of the table. "So, (Y/N), got any plans for the weekend?" Alex asked you, prompting you to shake your head.

"Want to go see that new movie with me and Zach?" Alex rose an eyebrow.

Zach and Alex had been dating for a few weeks. "I wouldn't want to intrude." You laughed a little.

"I, honestly, just wanted to stay home this weekend, watch both Zombielands, eat pizza and just… just chill." You messed with your knuckles. "Not to say that I don't really like hanging with you guys, but I just want a weekend in." You dont say love, you haven't in months, not since him. "Calm down (N/N)... you don't have to explain shit to us." Tony who sat next to you, moved to nudge you, but stopped before you could notice.

"I know a pretty good pizza place. I could bring one over." Scott said, looking over at you, holding a mug in his hand. "That sounds... nice. Thank you."

..

You sighed, you wore a pair of grey baggy sweats and a Repzion hoodie, two sizes too big. You sat on the couch, legs crossed. Commercials started as you checked your phone for the time.

A knock at the door made you jump up and walk over to it, looking through the peephole. "I bring gifts." Scott smiled, holding up 2 boxes of pizza and a bottle of Sprite.

You unlocked the door letting him in. "Welcome to my humble adobe." You watched as he found his way to the kicthen with ease. "Wow… you really know this house."

"I actually lived here as a kid, then moved to my current house 8 years ago." Scott said. "I got plain cheese and a pepperoni meat pizza." You walked behind him. "And in case you had an allergy or something, gluten-free."

"Well, don't just stand around," he laughed. "Grab a slice." You nodded, grabbing a (pizza) slice. "So, what made you come here?" He asked as you both ate a slice of pizza.

"I don't like talking about it." You said, discarding the crust. "I can respect that." You nodded. "Do.. you want to stay?" You looked at him. "Watch the movie with me?"

"Are you comfortable with that?" He asked.

You paused, before nodding. "Yea. I am."

..

You ended up asleep, your head on the side of his chest. Your breaths were slow, calm, anxiousless. Scott hasn't even noticed, his arm was draped over your shoulder.

Your parents ended up coming home at around 11pm at night. This wasn't the first time Scott had been over, however it was the first time with out Jess, or any one else for that matter. Scott came over loads of times in the few months you has began hanging out with the group and your parents quite liked him, kind, respectful, 'a good pickle' as your dad said.

They nodded to him as they put the pizzas in the fridge along with the soda. "You get sleep soon Scott." Your mother said too him as she went down the hall to her bedroom with your father, closing the door behind them.

Scott sighed as he turned his head to the TV, watching the remainder of the movie.

..

Morning came and assuming Scott left you let out a disappointed sigh, sitting up you pushed your hair from your face and stretched.

"Good morning sunshine." Scott said before handing you a biscut and a cup of coffee he had gotten at the local breakfast place. "Oh, good morning." He had went into the kitchen, placing down two other coffees and biscuts on the counter before drinking his own walking back over too you.

"How'd you sleep?" He asked sitting next to you on the couch.

"I slept… fine." You said, even shocked yourself at the end part. "Well, I gotta start getting back to the house." He said before reaching his hand out. "Goodbye handshake?" He asked. "I know you don't exactly like touching, but what's a handshake got to hurt?" He asked, smiling softly. It make your stomach flutter as you grabbed his hand, shaking it.

"Come back another time?" You asked, a tinge of hope in the question.

"Maybe Saturday's can be our movie night." Scott smiled before taking his hand back.

"Maybe." You smiled a little.

..

And so it did, just about every Saturday, you two would watch a movie, eat a box of pizza, drink a liter of soda, fall asleep, Sunday, Scott would bring you and your family breakfast and a coffee for each and then leave around midday.

This went on for an entire school year, and in that school year, Scott had immense joy watching you change into someone new.

You were still socially awkward and wary of new people, but it wasn't as bad as it was when you first got here. You didnt wear as many hoodies anymore either, it was upgraded to teeshirts and jackets, his jacket sometimes.

There was no doubt about it. Your best friends definitely went Jess, Scott and Tyler.

"So... plan on telling me the details with Reed?" Justin teased. "(N/N) definitely has a crush." Jessica teased. "Even if I did?" You rose an eyebrow, sitting at the lunch table. "Why dont you ask him out?"

"I don't want to mess anything up with him." You sighed. "With who?" Scott asked, sitting next to you. "My dog! Uh, we're training professionally." You said, making a quick excuse up.

"You don't even have a dog." Scott rose an eyebrow.

"We're getting a Dobbie." You said. "Oh, cool. So what's gonna be the movie for tomorrow night?" He asked, eating a french fry. "I was thinking The Grudge? In theaters?" You asked, looking up at him.

"Oh dude, that's sick. Hell yea. Let's definitely do it."

You heard Jessica snort a little, she could obviously tell your attempt of asking Scott out on a date was, to say the least, failing.

"What are we gonna do for food though?" Scott asked. "I got paid yesterday.. we could go out for dinner too." You paused. "Finally could actually go to that pizza place you talk about." You looked at him.

"Oh, uh, sure." He laughed a little.

"Pizza and a movie? Don't you guys do that every weekend? Switch it up a little. There's a new restaurant opened next to the theater, just gotta go next door." Jess winked at you two.

"What kind of restaurant?" Scott asked, his hands in his pocket.

"Hibachi."

"Hibachi next to a theater… sounds sanitary." You laughed a little bit, causing your friends to look at you. "Hibachi sounds fine." You cleared your throat, shoving your hands in your pocket.

..

You sighed, looking at yourself in the mirror. You couldn't even remember the last time you wore makeup, you wore a smokey eyeshadow look and black lipstick. "Why not do something different?" You asked yourself outloud.

"(N/N)?" Your mom walked into your room, her eyes welling with tears as she saw you looking at yourself in the mirror, a smile on your face. "It seems so long since you've smiled at yourself." She walked over to you.

"Is he here yet?" You asked, rubbing your arm. "Living room." She smiled at you. "No later than 2."

"Alright mom." You said, walking towards the living room, messing with the scrunchie on your wrist. "Hey Scott." You said, making him stand and face you. "Oh wow." He chuckled, looking up at you.

"Ready to go?" You asked, grabbing your wallet.

..

You laughed as you leaned back in your chair. "You didn't!"

"Oh, but I did." He smiled, obviously beeming with pride. "All I've done is talk about me. Why don't you ever wanna talk about you?" He asked, putting a forkful of his food in his mouth.

"I'm not very interesting." You laughed a little.

"C'mon. Tell me something from your past." He grinned.

"Hm.. When I was 13 I dyed my whole head green because I was watching some anime and I wanted to look just like the main character." You chuckled a little at the memory.

"Have you ever gotten into a physical fight?" He asked. "A few times." You looked up at him.

"I didn't expect that from you." He joked.

"I was a pretty scary person at my old school." You paused. "Was the the all mighty 'goddess' there. No one really fucked with me… but it uh.. it changed because..." you trailed off, staring at Scott's hand.

"Hey, if you don't want to talk about it, that's fine. Don't stress it." He held your hand.

"Thank you." You whispered. "Ever had a boyfriend before?" He asked.

"Not really." You looked up at him.

"Is there someone you want? 'Cause I could hook y'all up, just say the name."

"Scott."

"Scott Shellings, Scott Quinn, Scott Brown?"

"Scott… Reed."

"We don't have a Scott Reed… oh… oh… oh! You mean me?" He asked, smiling a little.

"Nevermind, it's stupid, I should've figured you didn't like me like that."

"Hey, stop." He squeezed your hand a little. "I… figured it was the other way around." He chuckled.

"What?" You picked your head up, looking at him. "I've... I like you. You're sweet and funny and kind and… you're my best friend." He chuckled.

"You don't have to lie to me." You looked down. "Have I before?" You looked back up at him after he asked that question. "No."

"Do you think I am now?"

"No..."

"Do you think I will ever?"

"No Scott." You said.

"One more question, how would you feel about being mine?"

"I feel… okay with that." You smiled at him.

"Just ok?" He chuckled, kissing the knuckles of your hand. "I'm not gonna say I love you just yet. But when I do, you'll never forget it." He grinned.

"I'll never forget this night."

[8zs]

Amortentia

(gif is not mine)

Pairing: Gryffindor! Hongjoong x (Your house)! reader

Genre: Fluff, Angst??, Hogwarts! au

Words: 1.615

Song: Pin - Grimes

A/n: i listened to pin while writing this and im not sure if the lyrics have anything to do with the plot but yeah kgjldfjgld hehe hope u like it anon! since u didnt specify joongs house i just went with gryffindor :D IGNORE THAT I PUT LIKE a tiktok audio reference in here... I just. Man i got no braincells.. 

It was  your sixth year at Hogwarts, so it was no surprise you finally got a lesson about Amortentia. You and your gryffindor boyfriend, Hongjoong walked to class. You were holding hands as he joked about the Amortentia smelling like your sweet shampoo.

“Like my Amortentia wouldn’t smell like your signature stinky smell!” You laughed.

Hongjoong threw his head back, laughing because of your remark.

“Wow, thanks (y/n)!” He ruffled your hair and quickly pecked your cheek, knowing that if any teacher saw you, you would have detention;  Again.

Potions was one of the few classes you and Hongjoong had together. He was pretty good at it, and you were, well, not failing the dreadful class.

“Good morning , students!” Slughorn spoke and the class went silent, you all respected Professor Slughorn greatly. “Today, I’m going to teach you about Amortentia. If you had done the preparations, you had known Amortentia is a love potion. The most powerful one in the world, to be exact.”

You all quickly got to work, and Hongjoong being your partner in class, you had it brewing pretty quickly.

Professor Slughorn finally got to your table and smiled. “Hongjoong, I hadn’t expected anything else. It’s perfect. (y/n), did you help? Or did you let Hongjoong do all the work?” You quickly shook your head. “No, professor. I helped Hongjoong a lot!” He grinned. “Good, that’s what I like to hear.”

After chatting with the professor a bit, Hongjoong turned to you. “What does your Amortentia smell like?” He had a sparkle in his eyes and it made you smile.

You took a little sniff from the brewing cauldron. You giggled. “It smells like my bed, paint… And strange enough… You after a quidditch match?”

Hongjoong blushed, and giggled. “Well, my amortentia smells like… Hmm. A quaffle, new parchment and your hair… Hey, I predicted that earlier!” You just smiled and squeezed his hand.

After you and some other classmates were done with the potion, class ended. It was now dinner time and you and Hongjoong were on your way to the dining hall. When you got there you had to part ways to sit with your respectable friend group.

You sat down beside Yeri and Jungwoo, and started talking about your day and classes. Suddenly you felt someone squeeze in between you and a housemate , who you recognized to be Yewon. You looked up and it was Youngtaek.

Your relationship with Youngtaek was… Interesting. The boy had always had a small crush on you, and you kinda suspected he did. You never said anything about it, though.

You didn’t get along that well, he annoyed you sometimes with his know-it-all attitude but you always tried to be nice to him. He was a housemate after all.

“Hey, (y/n). I know we’re about to have desert but I made you a little pastry.” He said, visibly nervous.

“Oh my god…” “Jesus…” You heard Yeri and Jungwoo mumble. You were about to say something not so nice, but you changed your mind. Sometimes you can choose to not be a dick. “Do you like it?” Youngtaek asked you while playing with his fingers. You gulped. “Yes… Thank you.”

After dinner you were still a little hungry. “Hey, Youngtaek. Is it okay if I eat the pastry now?” He nodded eagerly. So you took a bite and looked at Youngtaek who grabbed your hand. You wanted to shove him away, but suddenly you didn’t mind it anymore. You actually liked it and laced your fingers with his. He giggled and put the pastry away. “Did it taste good?” You booped his nose. “Of course, silly!” Yeri and Jungwoo witnessed what went on and looked at each other. This couldn’t be good, but they decided to wait it out and see what happens.

Hongjoong had no idea that this had happened. But that wouldn’t last long.

That night you didn’t come to the gryffindor common room to cuddle and read with him. But he tried not to be too sad about it, maybe you just needed some time alone.

The next day you didn’t greet him on the way to the dining hall, in fact, he hadn’t even seen you. 

That was until he walked in there, and saw you glued to Youngtaek’s arm, Yeri and Jungwoo looking visibly uncomfortable and Youngtaek enjoying it very much. 

He stormed to his table and sat down next to Mingi. “What’s u-“ “What the hell is with (y/n) and Youngtaek? I’m their boyfriend, why are they glued to his arm? Why is he enjoying it so much? Why do (y/n)’s friends look so uncomfortable? What the hell is going on?!” Hongjoong ranted to Mingi. “Wait, didn’t that guy have a crush on (y/n)? Like, for a long time already? A-and, I don’t wanna assume but you guys got taught about Amortentia yesterday, no? Maybe… He took some and used it on them? I don’t know I’m just guessing but, it’s an option?” Mingi said.

Hongjoong’s blood started to boil. Could it be? Would Youngtaek do that? What the actual fuck? That was his s/o, not Youngtaek’s. He turned back to Mingi. “Dude, can you make an antidote. Please? It’s Saturday, we don’t have classes and I’ll make your herbology homework for the rest of the month?” Hongjoong pleaded. With a sigh and a nod, Mingi agreed.

After breakfast, Mingi headed to the potions class and Hongjoong went to look for Yeri and Jungwoo. 

He found them pretty quickly and pulled them aside. “Did Youngtaek give anything to (y/n) recently? Like to eat or drink or whatever the fuck?” 

Yeri nodded. “Yeah, yesterday at dinner he gave them a pastry and suddenly they were all over him.” “And you guys didn’t tell me anything? You guys didn’t tell a teacher? You didn’t tell him off?” Yeri and Jungwoo looked at eachother, and then looked down in shame. “What the fuck?” “Look, we didn’t think it was serious? Like, maybe (y/n) just got over their annoyance for Youngtaek and liked him? A bit? I don’t know, I’m sorry…”

Hongjoong ran his fingers through his silver locks and sighed in annoyance. “It’s- it’s whatever.  Look, just get (y/n) to the potions classroom in like, 20 minutes. Okay?” Yeri nodded as Jungwoo spoke. “Yes, sir!” And with that they went off to find you. Hongjoong headed to the potions classroom.

Meanwhile you, you were in your common room with Youngtaek. He was feeding you strawberries and cuddling you. “Ah, Youngtaek! You’re so cute!” You pinched his cheek and booped his nose. 

As he fed you the last strawberry, he spoke up. “Is it okay if I kiss you?” “Oh, of course, Youngtaek!”

“Not happening.” Jungwoo said and quickly picked you up and threw you over his shoulder. 

Yeri gasped. “Gosh, (y/n), you look so sick…” “Whatever!” You snarled. “Let me go! I was about to kiss the love of my life! The boy of my dreams! Let me go, right now!”

Needless to say, you struggled the whole way to the potions classroom. And a lot of people gave you, Yeri and Jungwoo weird looks. But none of you cared, Yeri and Jungwoo needed you cured.

As soon as you entered the classroom, Jungwoo sat you down in one of the chairs and you growled.

“What the hell is your problem? Can I go back to Youngtaek? He was gonna take me on a date to Hogsmeade.” Hongjoong balled his fists and was ready to go find him, but Mingi stopped him.

“Let’s cure your s/o first, okay?” Hongjoong just nodded.

Mingi walked over to you, holding the antidote, but you didn’t know that. It just looked like regular juice to you. “You can go to your loverboy if you drink this, you look… Uh, dehydrated. Yeah.”

“Whatever.” You took the cup and swallowed its contents.

Suddenly, you felt like you could properly breathe for the first time in twenty-four  hours. You felt dizzy and refreshed all at once.

“What- was that?”

Mingi squatted down in front of you. “Youngtaek gave you Amortentia and you were, well, in love with him for a whole day.” You nearly gagged in response,  but then it hit you.

You were “in love” with Youngtaek for the past twenty -four hours. Your eyes went wide and tears formed. “Where’s Joong?” You croaked out.

“I’m here…” He said and walked over to you.

Tears spilled from your eyes and you looked away from him. “’I’m so sorry, Hongjoong. I didn’t know he poisoned me. I-I-…” You stopped talking and just cried. He sat down where Mingi sat, and started rubbing soothing circles into your thighs. “Look at me, love. You didn’t know, and you couldn’t prevent this from happening. It’s fine. I still love you.”

You threw yourself onto Hongjoong and sobbed into his shoulder. “I love you too, so much. Don’t ever doubt that.”

You all eventually left the potions class and walked over to (your house’s) common room. Youngtaek was still sitting there and when he heard people enter he turned around and saw you. “Hey, babe.” He smirked. You just smiled at him and walked over to him. He stood up and stood in front of you, he noticed you didn’t look as sick anymore and panic set in. Before he could say anything, you slapped him in the face. “Don’t ever pull this shit again.”

That night, you slept over in Hongjoong’s room and you cuddled all night, whispering sweet nothing’s to each other and giggling.

Mingi and some other gryffindor boys didn’t get much sleep that night, but at least they were happy that their best chaser had his person back.

[crystu-cii]

OF COURSE!!!! I'd say you're hella close to it!!! Definitely closer than I am XDD 💖💞💝💕💝❤️💕💕❤️ A G R EED /hj XDD

Yeah ;w; oohh that sounds super interesting!! I can understand not pursuing a story tho, stories are d i f f icult-- XD fun, but difficult, and you need an attention span for them! (Why do you think I only write one page stories??)

OMS yessss that's so accurate tho-- like I haven't changed much if I'm being honest (I spend a LOT of time inside.. XD) awww-- I can understand that- in japan we didn't have a backyard, so I stopped going outside much at all-- occasionally I biked to convenience stores or walked to vending machines, that was cool, but no backyard :/ having no backyard sUCks, like where am I supposed to scream into the void?? INSIDE?? /j

OMS-- CRYS XDD what a Mood™ tho- "oh I'm gonna continue this thing!!" *does something else entirely*

XDD It was done Against My Will™ (get Against My Will on the album I Haven't Awoken Well Rested Since I Was A Child by the band The Bags Under My Eyes Aren't Makeup! XD) MOOD-- I spent the quarantine summer doing nothing but staying up until the sun rose and sleeping until it was at its peak- where did the time goooo

I AGREE HOW DARE HE- LIKE EXCUSE?? YOU TINY HEATHEN??? anyways now I'm trying to go back to squirting him with a squirt bottle to startle him(even tho he's a fan of water, the harsh spray startles him) but anyways thank you crysss I'm never getting a cat in my life now bc of this rude child (dogs are superior anyways /hj)

(and now time to reply to the OTHER ask cause I'm efficient and not going to send two separate asks to respond to things that can be responded to at the same time.. ....why did I even ramble about that wtf henry(huh I never refer to myself by name that felt weird))

Okay!! No worries dude, you can always take your time with replies, I just don't trust tumblr XD 💞❤️💕💝💝💖💕❤️💖 of course!!! Thank you!!! 💖💕💕💖💞💕

Oooh!!! That sounds super fun!!! Man I miss hanging out with my friends-- but my closest friend(lives in my neighborhood) has a parent who works in other people's houses, so high risk, and the rest live several hours away :)) but anyways yeah that sounds hella!!!! I love that y'all were just like "okay well. we're gonna hang out anyways." XDD

Aww-- I'm glad you are!! My brother and his bf were supposed to come but I think we have to postpone that cause someone in his workplace tested positive for covid :( YESS FOODDDD-- oooh cheesecake?? I've never heard of having it on Thanksgiving!! Usually we have pumpkin, cherry, apple, and pecan pies!! (We're having pumpkin and cherry ones this yeah!! Two pumpkin pies, a cherry pie, and a cherry cobbler--) I... Have never heard of pineapple pie in my life! Sounds like it would make pineapple-on-pizza haters burst into tears tho--

YOURE WHAT-- CRYS YOU HEATHEN IT IS NOVEMBER!!!!! /j I can't stand Christmas music, being a choir student made me not be a huge fan of it-- too much Christmas music.. ugh. (Straight no chaser is tolerable at least. And Pentatonix. And covers by artists I like. But if I have to hear Jingle Bells ONE MORE TIME--) YESSS BESTOW UPON ME THOU'S PRESENCE AND PRESENTS... Ooh nice!! Pfft XDD Yess- I have multiple on my wishlist-- mostly for the switch-- OMS I CAN'T BELIEVE I DIDN'T ASK FOR THSC-- MAYBE IM THE HEATHEN--

Okay, it's January 5th! Literally not even two weeks after Christmas-- Feel free to scream happy birthday at me :3 XDD now I'm curious, what's yours?

awhhh thank you ;w;; 💕💞💕💞💞💕💞

and legiT- and omg- also what i do a lot is thinking i have a story all in control but then i realise that i only focused on the main parts and nOT the transitions and all that shit and then i end up last minute thinking them- XDD and ngl one page stories sound SOO much better- imo- not just for writing- but for reading as well- whenever i go to see a fanfic I always read the ones that has one chapter- dunno how to fully explain it- possibly cause its satisfying to see a story actually have its end other than a long lasting series that will never end- XDD oneshots are my FUEL

buT WoW omg this topic has now made me realise how i barely go outside- XDD i wish there would be other thingd around my neighborhood other than a "park" that has DEAD GRASS and the sprinklers go off like every hour for some reason- duNNo what the builders were thinking but i guess i dont mind- i stay in my house a whOLELE lot xD

and YESS IT GETS ME EVERYTIME- "hey lets draw-" *-WRITES-* XDD AND ABHAHAHAHA (NOW ON YOUR LOCAL MUSIC STORES- XDDDD) and omG MEEE- the times i would usually sleep would be around 3 am to 6 am- ironically my mom has a more screwed up schedule than i do- and SHE STILL HAS- last night she told me that she hasnt slept in 48 HOURSSS- MaMAAA PLEASE SLEEP

GO AWAY CAT HEATHEN- XD and omG a squirt bottle of water yes XDD and awh i definitely understand now how youll not get a cat- sounds like a hecka pain ;0;; i never even had a pet before (or not that i would recall- oh wait i think i had fish but i have an embarrassing story that made my mom ban fish from the household- OH MAN the shame)

and yeahh oh man- i hope you are okay with all these topics XDD and thank you!! 💕💞💕💞💕💞💕💞

awwhh i see- i wish you can hang out with your friends without it being too risky! that reminds me of that one time where my friend said "hey so uh you guys can hang out at my house since at my parent's workplace someone was positive for covid" and then immeadiately after they were like "SO WE NEED TO GO TO ONE OF YOUR GUYS' HOUSE" and Im LIKE- UH- NOO??? nOt AfTEr you just say THAT- nuh uh- thankfully we didnt hang out that day- better safe than sorry xD

and omggg those pies sound AWWESOMEEEE- i always wanted to try pumpkin pie before but when i asked my mom that she was like "nO iTS diSGusTing" and im like "*visible confusion*" and lOwKEY SAME- pineapple pie just sounds a bit off but my mom was really hyped to make it xD i'd actually say its not that bad! but im still not a fan of pineapple so uhhh xD (aNd YEAH IT DOES feel like it would make those haters cry-- XDD)

and PFHAOHFA IM A LIVING HEATHEN- XDD omg at this time of year- it gets CRAZYY for me- first off- Tree is a true filipino- right when it was the first day october- youd hear them say "FUCK HALLOWEEN"(and id just whine to them like "BUT HALLOWENENENEN") and then their family set up a whole christmas tree and over-the-top decorations- and omg- if you hate christmas music- you would despise the philippines sO MUCH- when the FIRST day of SEPTEMBER hits- CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON ALLLLL THE STORES- it will drive you WILDDD ( yeah its actually a normal filipino thing- not that i ever went to the philippines myself at tHAT time of year- but my friends and family tell me all about it- filipinos are the true christmas maniacs XDDD)

and awhhh choir must be a pain ;0;;; that would remind me how on one concert- the beginners class of choir screamed on purpose even though they werent supposed to- the teacher got so pissed XDDD and YESSS PRESENTSSSS- and awh man- i actually dont own ANY consoles at all- so the only things i can ask for is steam games- last year for christmas i got just shapes and beats- which was WORTHHH

and oo YAY- now i shall mark that on my calander- XD and mine is february 7!

[shytiff]

Jan 2021 Wins

ive “journaled” for 6 months now. it started as small ___ wins because when you feel rly empty, even doing the bare minimum feels like a win. written down some of the wins. i think until now i’d like to keep the “win” part. a win against my shadow sometimes. a win in life. some things to be grateful for. a win for remembering it later in the future. i know some days im just basically doing nothing.  there are a lot of wars not won by me. but im still tryna ✨manifest✨

1 - woke up. watched bts’ 2021 seasons greetings. read trap city. afternoon nap. pupuy’s mbah passed away. i got DOMS in my body even though i did the barest of exercise yesterday (frail, i know). shower, matcha latte.

2 - the x banner atikah and i sent for racil post thesis defense has arrived lmaoo. mom made delicious (and sweet) fried banana. did some studying (more than usual, bcs the bar is on the floor)

3 - ate muesli, 3 risols. Kopsus coklat at flavola. Stayed there from 12-ish to 17:30 lmaooo. weekly bahas soal w/ fi. Rapat nemo

4 - first day of collab module. Barely cicil ukmppd. My mood is normal-ish but i hardly have the will to study. Dinner is fried fish with mentai sauce, potato wedges, and saladdd by mom

5 - collab module, qa presentation for rsui reps. finished reviewing tryout 2 solid. did padi pretest (got 66,5). ate chicken porridge, a bit of muesli and vsoy, tan ek tjoan bread, matcha latte, fish and chicken and potato wedges and salad, fried banana. i ate well today lol.

6 - slept during collab webinar, went to clara’s place to study osce and attended padi together. i ate well at clara’s placeee lol. ate nastar, kusuka, white kwetiaw with soup (?), and lele goreng. went back home @ 9 pm. i feel refreshed. even though we’ve half studied half mukbang all day. human interaction rly does heal me. i need human interaction more than i think. at night i dreamed about going to bali, to waterparks, seeing sea creatures, watching a movie displayed on a concert-like stage and screen at the front row. 

7 - woke up at 07:55, finished my part for collab group work. felt a bit tired today. the rest of fam went to DM, and when they were on the way back i HURRIED my way out, not even taking a shower lmaoo. got pistachio matcha latte at starbucks dm. now im more skilled in searching the best spot in a cafe to distance myself from people lmao. the matcha latte is served with some sort of pistachio cream and sprinkled with nuts on top. its like when sbux had taro matcha latte and it had purple cream on top. the pistachio taste is quite strong. reviewed TO 1 padi, sent proposals for nemo sponsorship.

8 - did syndrome try out and padi 2 web try out. studied for osce and padi @ clara’s place. wanted to order pizza since clara bought me food before, but she insisted in ordering lmaoo. so dinner is pizza hut

9 - woke up at 11.00 lmao. havent had breakfast. lunch is muesli with the brand new delishhh chocolate granola and cimory banana milk. did one shot try out, got 71. had a google meet with Prof Agus (that ethics book ghostwriting job from a year ago is not finished until now huaaa) that went from 20.00ish and finished at 22.30,,,,, reviewed syndrome try out along the way. havent made my collab self reflection hhhh. i also need to study for osce. also havent edited article for bukang solid. and there goes my saturday nooo

10 - i swear i keep waking up late lmao. Flavola w atikah, racheel later came with wawa. Kopsus coklat and ukmppd class w dr yudo. After class i just talked at flavola (and ended not studying osce at all for sunday). Went to racheel's to pray and talk some more. Hurriedly went back for booty call with fi, watched konser dies natalis first. Tryout and sum study with fi and clar that went from 20:30 to 00:10. Powered by left over kopsus and 2 snackit pia. Rip my sleeping schedule

11 - woke up at 10:30 ish, the lack of meal and horrible sleep pattern (for my standard) produced stuffy nose during the day and a bit of headache that went away for a bit after i ate. Late bfast is muesli, drank protein, ate tan ek tjoan, plus 2 brownies in the evening. Tht coaching w dr niken. Did self reflection for collab. Had dinner without rice, as usual. Ukmppd class w dr ayu. Finished reflection at 21:30 lmao (deadline is 23:55). Tryna sleep and my nose is still itchy and i sneeze a more often. i hope it goes away 2mrw

12 - DV coaching, scele tryout, took a nap before padi cause my head kind of hurts. Les padi while drinking matcha with vsoy less sugar and no added sugar. I can withstand the horrible sugarless cy matcha taste bcs theres a taste of soy. Didnt do anything else. Havent studied osce on my own until now. Astagfirullah

13 - my head still kind of aches. Its goes away when im eating. im eating so well during the weekdays that i gained 2kgs lmao. lazed around the first half of the day. padi. finally tried saint matcha and damnn its an amazing upgrade from Cy matcha. the green color is super different yall. Cy’s green looks sick and tired compared to saint matcha. the taste? immaculate (although coco deli is more fragrant). caffeine? hits. awake and feel normal? yes. messaged an ao3 author and got replied and turns out she’s making a sequel for my fav fic of hers. yay

14 - osce practice w ara ren ness. bedah and anak osce coaching. had 3 of mom’s cinnamon rolls and matcha latte for the afternoon. cicil osce DV. edited some pld articles. did nothing else basically

15 - wasted my day, didnt have the courage to study osce (i feel like i procrastinate on it bcs it feels overwhelming to me), TO FKUI 2, hurriedly reviewed to 1 before, les padi. i feel like this is the least focused im being in a les. maybe its the too few matcha powder.

16 - woke up at 9 am. breakfast is muesli. reviewed to 2 fkui w apa salahku (finished at 12 pm, there goes half of my saturday). tried fried chicken master. its good and tender but i still prefer moon chicken. 

17 - breakfast is muesli, banana and 2 martabak tahu. snack is keripik pisang aduuu wenak (and picking bits of meat cooked by mom). went to devi’s place w/ racheel silvi. brought RJ to be wrapped. we watched okay madam and its super fun, hilarious and full of twists anddd a bit of cutesy romance. just the right balance to enjoy and let the stress out. late lunch is moon chicken yay!! went home after maghrib, did to padi 6 w/ fi and matcha latte. talked about a senior’s wedding and eating healthier til 22:30

18 - To fkui 3, wasted my afternoon playing my phone, finally mustered some will to study after ashar. My progress is rly slow today. Watched hilarious jessi interview with eric, heechul. Im telling u, i thought tiktok is the funniest internet content but i was wronggg. Seeing heechul flustered is hilarious. Tried to study again at night but only learned 1 disease hiks

19 - had no idea what i did before dzuhur lmao. went to racheel’s to surprise atikah. actually napped at her place lmaoo why do i feel so sleepy. gifted rj to atikah. we ate fried chicken master and pempek on a small green table and talked. its like korean movie lmao. we talked while im simultaneously listening to padi lol.

20 - woke up at 8, chicken porridge + muesli and low sugar vsoy for breakfast. arrived at clara’s @10am. to fkui 4. reviewed it. reviewed general physical exam. finished up to padi 7. tried bombo donut. studied osce. i felt sooo dumb in osce (and clara is already super smart). superrr motivated to learn after going back home (arrived at 7) but i ended up opening youtube and drinking protein lmaooo and its suddenly 9 pm

21 - matcha latte at starbucks dm. Studied osce. Obgyn coaching w the super kind dr ilham. Les padi. Read angel buddy and played with my phone til 12 pm

22 - to fkui. padi as usual. had low motivation, so i did the tryout that day close to the actual course.

23 - left home at 06:30 to study together in capitol. had breakfast in mcd first. thank god i ate rice + chicken and breakfast wrap cuzzzz. studied osce together w ara, ical, kelvyn, dio and kak ilonka til about 2 pm. WALKED to bk bcs my parents are there. apparently simply driving to capitol is too much for them. immediately ate muesli at 4 pm cause i didnt eat anything in capitol. did nothing else after that. did not pray maghrib together lmao somehow mom had mercy on me and let me sleep som more. mom bought sate padang but i didnt eat it. i cried in bed because as yoongi said, “this is the real you and this is the real me”. did not shower/wash my face at night bcs i felt like shit lmao rip my face (its a week before bukang photoshoot)

24 - i feel tired, lazy, and just wanted some sleep. like all that’s in me is drained. ate muesli with strawberry milk. tried fitmee beef. its better than i thought. because the noodle is chewy you spend more time to chew. also ate fried chicken and daun singkong. usually i cant wait to go to flavola but even at 12 pm i just feel like laying down. finally mustered the will to shower and go out. its raining a bit on the way. colddd. 

25 - to fkui 6, osce briefing, covid lecture (that was actually for ppds), padi

26 - spaghetti for brekkie, coaching neuro and ophthalmology, cicil osce

27 - cicil osce, the second to the last padi omg. the fastest padi ever

28 - obgyn osce practice at kak ilonka’s place (that nice kosan at forkabi) with ara, ren ness, kelvyn, dio with mannequins from og dept, tried meokja salemba that serves bulgogi rice. quite good. after arriving at home, studied neuro together with menno til about 20:45 an and i just dont have the energy lmaooo so i gave up and slept

29 - today is bukang photoshoot at bintaro. put base make up on the way. even put glue on my eyebrow. got eyebrow, eyeshadow and blush done by renata. took lots of photos. nebeng om coro afterwards to bxc to meet mom. we ate at genki sushi (renata ara kris mendel oca regan geordie eka). i missss road trips hua. did tryout fkui on the way back home. after shower and prayer proceeded to review TO with apa salahku. Last padi (havent done the questions beforehand so i sprinted it out while on the actual course). Muhasabah osce with kak widia afterwards lmao. Studied osce with clara

30 - studied osce with ara ren ness @ merra. I ate eatlah, moms muffin, kemplang, tango. I ate so welll. Its a productive sesh, neuro and infectious disease. At home i studied osce w clara til abt 22:15 ish. I feel like i miss my me time lmao its been 3 days. I can still go on w clara but i dont wanna get myself sick

31 - simul osce in the morning. Osce study with clara almira. Cicil osce alone. Played my phone at 10 pm even though i still have mental clarity post matcha latte -___-

[starryknightace]

I had Top Surgery! (Post Op 1 1/2 Weeks pics)

[[MORE]]

Suprise! I had top surgery almost 2 weeks ago. It was a bit of a process to get to that point and i was literally counting down the hours til i went under. I kept joking to people i was most excited about my "induced 4 hour nap" more than anything. I got to my day surgery clinic early in the morning, to which i got changed into scrubs, was told to wait under a blanket to keep my body warm, and met with the nurse, anesthetist and my surgeon for pre op discussions. Then i was escorted into the operation theatre where i hopped on the table, got nice and comfy with blankets, tubes, oxygen mask annnnddd.... woke up 4 hours later forgetting i had surgery 🤣

I did this in my last surgery (which in comparission was more terrifying cause i had blood in my mouth and couldnt remember what happened to me), but i woke up and couldn't work out where i was, why i felt so dizzy and how i got clothed 🤣 i spent about 2 hours in the recovery room sat in a recliner chair dozing off, except to eat (cause i had been fasting prior) and drink. I did try to pee but couldn't which was frustrating 😅 then i was taken home, where i promptly went to sleep lol

I had my drains in for 72 hours and they were the worst part of recovery. I carried bottles in a pillow case and they had be be positioned lower than my chest at all times. Luckily i wasn't able to move much and while i was on strong pain medication i mainly slept. I had my mum stay with me for a week and i'm thankful she did cause she really saved my butt by doing everything for me (i really had to let go of my control which was weirdly hard, i just felt bad making her do things for me but she was happy to). The drains were uncomfortable and by the morning there were to be taken out i was really hurting where they were inserted. After they were taken out it was a blessing and recovery got A LOT easier. I had shallow baths every few days and my mum helped me was my hair. I had baby wipes for my armpits and chest area which again saved me from being stinky. I still mainly slept, or watched tv shows with my mum up until she left. She prepped me a LOT of meals before she left so i wouldn't have to cook.

Sleeping on my back was probably the most uncomfortable part (after the drains), because i'm a stomach sleeper. I have been managing to sleep though which has been nice (and Maple has been good, sleeping beside me all through the night!). I've been sleeping elevated to help with swelling. I actually got told off by my nurse while doing my week post op check up cause i was still doing too much. I went to Uni for a 6 hour workshop that day too and went to a costume showcase that night. Safe to safe i was exhausted the next day and didnt do much but sleep.

So i'm still quite swollen and bruised 1 1/2 weeks in, which will eventually settle down. my nipples seem to be taking well so crossing fingers the blood returns. I was worried about puckering but being able to closely examine my chest it's due to the swelling at the moment so hopefully that goes down too.

All in all i can't stop smiling at my chest - i finally feel like myself 😁

Some tips for those looking to have Top Surgery based on my experience:

MEDICINE

I have a high pain threshold - i was willing to go to uni a week post op because i could stand to - would recommend people booking off at LEAST 3 weeks prior to work/study if you can help it. I have only one class per week at the moment and its only theory so thats why i was able to travel and even then i was taken pain killers ever 4 hours.

In my mother's words "don't be a hero, if you need to take pain relief, do it". Best advice. I've weened myself off pain killers to 2 just before bed (panadine forte), or before i need to go out and do things (genral paracetamol). If you need to take more just do it - also write down when you've taken things (because its good to know how much you've had per day!) You can take iburofen and paracetamol intermittedly in 4 hour intervals (eg. Iburofen at 12pm, paracetamol at 2pm, another dose of iburofen at 4pm, etc).

You'll also be taking antibiotics - generally 3 times a day with meals. I also took probiotics 2 hours after taking my antibiotics to avoid the sideaffects of them (eg. Mouth Ulcers (which i did get dang it), thrush, etc).

I was also taking strong pain killers (for the first few days i took 2 every 4 hours then weened down to one per night). Be careful with strong pain killers - the thing doctors/people don't tend to mention is that they can be addictive/dependent drugs. Sometimes you would prefer to keep taking them and that can be an issue. I asked my surgeon at my 1 week if i could please get one more script of something a little stronger than paracetamol to take a night and it took a bit more of a discussion to get it. If you can try to get by on the paracetamol alone do so and remember you can alternate with iburofen every two hours.

WEIRD BOWELS

With all these medications you'll more than likely get constipated so adding to the list of medications i also took good ol' laxatives. The first poop after surgery was like 3 days later and it hurt 😅 the laxatives helped me after to soften my stools (cheat mode is when you're lactose intolerent and you eat a bunch of cheesecake whoops 😅). Also peeing was weird for the first week due to the anesthestics in me. It took me ages to pee, sometimes i had the feeling of needing to pee but nothing happened, and i was peeing like, every hour.

SUPPORT

Both in furniture sense and people sense.

My mum was my main support especially in the first week. She looked after me, my house and my cat. She grabbed things i couldn't access, drove me to my appointments, managed my medicine, cooked me food and generally just helped me around the place. Originally i only wanted her there for a few days but im glad she was there cause i was sore and out of it most of the time. Alongside her my two best friends were also a massive help - coming over to keep me company, drive me places, help me do my grocery shopping, tell me off for overdoing it, gave me plenty of entertainment (thanks to katie i finished wind waker!). Get yourself some support and let go of that control, you will honestly be too tired and sore to do anything anyway.

Make sure you get yourself some comfy pillows. I got myself a U shaped pillow and it has so far saved my neck so much pain. I sleep elevated which means more pillows to prop myself up. And pillows for my couch.

WASHING

So for the first 72 hours i was just a gross gremlin with dry shampoo because of the drains. My chest was covered in bandages so i couldn't wash that area anyway. After the drains were removed i was told i could have showers, but i opted for shallow bathes anyway. I was able to wash myself fine (just go slow), then i would put pants on and get my mum to help wash my hair. After my 1 week check up i started having showers, but stood out of the stream. I only have tape to cover my stitches now (i took them off for the photo) so am able to carefully wash parts of my chest and back i couldnt get to before. I can now wash my hair (slowly). Raising my arms is still not easily fesable but i can lift them to a certain point.

EMOTIONAL

Now, i wasn't as emotional as i thought i was going to be but i do know other trans guys who said they went through bouts of depression after their surgery. Its something to look out for. For me, it was emotionally draining to talk to people about it constantly. I didn't mind though and it was nice people checked up on me but it did wear me out. Its always good though to check in with your emotional state throughout to see how youre feeling. It's not an inmediate grattification, the swelling and bruising is a lot and it won't look right for a while. Also leading up to surgery people can feel fearful and doubtful, always chat to a loved one about your feelings! Personally i had no nerves leading up to surgery but afterwards i was constantly worried that i wasn't healing right. Talking to your surgeon will HELP trust me!

SCARRING

Ok this was a big shock to me so i hope this helps other people but scar medication/ointments don't actually work. I asked my surgeon about it and as a skin professional who has been studying the effects of scarring for over 40 years - this is a beauty scam you don't need to bite into.

"Time and your genetic biology are the only ways that help your scars heal, sorry to burst your bubble but save your money on that placebo".

Looking after yourself the first few months post op will help you get good results later.

Of course i understand if people will still want to buy scarring products but thought i would post the words of a professional too 😅 don't shoot the messenger on this one. And if you do decide to use the stuff then wait 6 months before doing so.

I think that's all i can think of at the moment. There's a really good private facebook group for top surgery and i got a lot of my info from there. If people are curious feel free to DM me, send me an inbox and i'd be happy to chat as best i can! My experience is based in Australia so people might have different expectations/experiences in different countries!

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈💛💛💛🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈

[96xie]

2019

a whole summary of this difficult year

2019 was full of unexpected good and bad surprises along with lessons and experiences.

january

spent good time with mocha, wayo and brian

had such a good time with guildies from our game

met up with some other ppl from the same game and didnt feel too good bc i was never good with crowds and/or groups that were already well established

tried tinder for the first time because i thought it would be nice to put myself out there for once

feburary

continued my tinder journey and actually had fun with it. it was pretty scary at the same time because it was such a new experience talking to other people and to have them notice you? because i always knew and felt that i wasnt really the desirable one.

actually hooked up with a guy from last months meetup and hung out twice. thought it was going somewhere because he, too, showed signs to progress further ((was wrong because he lied and showed red flags later))

one major red sign to me: no response after genuinely saying thank you for rides and dinner. im the type of person who always says thank you because im honestly grateful for the little and big things. he basically shrugged it off.

also, a huge liar. yah, big no

i brought him to my friends birthday bc they and himself wanted to meet each other, it was fun while it lasted but stuff happened

towards the end of the month, i cut my ties off with him for being awfully mean to me and also cut ties with my “friends” for having really bad assumptions of me.

i was frustrated with myself at that time bc his cats gave me a bad breakout and i felt super ugly. also i wasnt sad over him, but over the fact that i let myself be treated like a second option. eventually i learned that it was good that i didnt let things go further and that i only deserve the very best.

even though i was hurt, i thought it was a good experience, esp since i havent really been in the “dating game” for years. like it was a just a small step to putting myself out there once again

a week later after that a classmate asked me out and got tons of compliments from him and wondered “the universe really works in crazy ways”

march

met some cool people through the same mobile game on a discord server and they were much better than the first group.

also met this really funny dude in the same group. like he was so fun to talk to and he understood my dumb lingo

remember when my classmate asked me out on a date? it turned out a bit weird. but considering this was my first date in YEARS i thought it was a cool experience. got some carne asada fries outta him

i had the dude i was talking to call me so i could leave the date tho LOL ((he helped me lots, esp how to deal with awkward situations with my classmate. also at this point, i really liked talking to him but i wasnt rly sure if i wanted to date other guys bc i had been hurt previously)

this month was pretty much dedicating most of my time talking to him and i enjoyed it alot

also went to pubs for the first time to hangout with my coworkers. such an interesting place

april

tried rollerskating for the first time ever, ended up with a bunch of bruises but it was cool!

also tried 7leaves for the first time and instantly fell in love with mungbean

also went clubbing in sf with my friends and it was such a fun time like i had SO much fun

i got auctioned off of SAD! that phase was just a crazy ride. while there was many that dm’d me, there was only one special person that i only replied to and continued to talk to him on a daily basis

((honestly, i was scared that i was taking things a bit further with him because a part of me was like “are you ready for this?” and “have you really recovered from that guy?” or “can you give this guy your all?” just alot of overthinking))

spent 4/20 at sf with my friends, and overall had a GREAT time. took too many hits and drank so ya gorl was crossfaded. not sure if i wanna do tht again tho

unfortunately woke up with a swollen face and it lasted for a LONG time.

may

so my face is still swollen, still bad, red as a tomato and at this point i was really hesitant to meet up with the guy ive been talking to. i mean!! my skin was SO bad. i felt like i was gonna make a fool out of myself by scaring him away

but,,,, he was still willing to see me despite my appearance and : ( he was so accepting and typing this makes my heart ache bc he is SUCH a good man : (

i met up with the guy towards the end of the month in sj and first thing he does when i walk up to him is give me this great warm hug and so many smooches !!!!!!! like my heart is melting

eventually we became official !!! he got us an airbnb for the night and we jus spent time cuddling on the bed and honestly i : ( i like him so much

june

my birthday wasnt rly that like “wow” it was actually kinda annoying

my bf flew up to sf where we met up, explored the city and slept the night in at an airbnb. next day went to oakland where i introduced my friends to him!

went to my first festival with several with my friends, including ppl from our same guild from our game and it was SO fun

rolled for the first time and it was SUCH an experience. redosed like twice and ended up hallucinating which is something ill def not do again

also i really wished my bf was with me at that time : ( while i had an extremely fun time, i wish i shared that moment with him : (

july

went to vegas for my cousins 22nd bday. shit was wild

also rolled there.

also threw up for the very first time

a fight broke out at the club and that shit was fuckgin CRAZY and it was RIGHT next to our table

also used alot of my money for the whole trip in which nobody really told me about so …. i was like ok.. fuck …

also my skin was still bad during these past months so it was pretty hard masking it

like really hard. with someone with terrible eczema, its just extremely hard to hide it

august

bf flew to sac!!! he met my mom for the first time and we explored the city and stuff

and went on an ikea date! and! honestly i just really loved spending time with him :c

we also spent time with my friends! they came over also! and ate some fuckgin bomb ass waffles

and then took bus down to la to meetup with some friends from our guild towards the end of the month!

it was pretty nice to be able to stay with my bf in his apartment !!!!!

also some scalding tea but thats rly for another time

to make it super short tho: our friend that we’ve known much longer than the girl he met (less than 3 months) dropped our friendship SO quick lol

september

cousin bonding @ beach, too cold for tht doe

towards the end of the month, my bf flew me down!!! so i spent the weekend with him and like always, only had a good time with him!

AND ALWAYS EATING GOOD FOOD!

october

during this fall semester, i took online classes and one of them was a 8week class. there was a topic about mental health and how we can take care of ourselves better and i just thought it was such an important thing to cover. i feel like its not talked about enough

november

spent thanksgiving with my family down in morgan hill and ate good food! honey ham has a special place in my heart.

went black friday shopping first at walmart, lowkey disappointed in myself because i was bummed out the apple watches were sold out. the materialistic part of me jumped out oof

slept at my cousins then went to the mall! didnt get anything besides really good bulgogi fries. i hated going into stores tho cuz everything was literally crowded. hated it !!!!!!!

went to a small festival in sacramento with my friends at the end of the month and this time is 7 of us (than the usual 5)! it was sososo fun.

also took my coworker with me, it was actually amusing to see bc our group were all asian and he’s the only tall white guy

made hotpot at home and we also went out for milktea and waffles again! sooo good.

december

flew down to see my bf again and only had a good time! went to this garden with beautiful lights and ! ugh! SO pretty!

cried in his bed before my flight back, cried on the plane, cried at home and cried before i slept. i miss him

also racked up alot of hours so i could pay for my tuition and my family’s bills. kinda sucks bc im pretty tired but i gotta do what do i gotta do.

christmas was a bit lonely bc my mom went to the philippines and i dont rly talk to my brother but my kuya came the next day and we ate n watched stuff

overall, it was a whacky year. but im so glad to have met ed. he means SO much to me. a part of me was so hesitant to date him because i mean, he’s man with his life set. i dont have a car, im still in school, i have this part time job where im giving my mom all my paychecks and which the only money im keeping is just my tips (not much), i still have issues with myself and other conflicts and honestly theres much to do, learn and grow from. but he’s so supportive, understanding and loving and i love and appreciate him from the bottom of my heart. most of the time i wonder if im doing and if im being enough for him. i worry about that alot but he’s so patient with me. i laugh alot when im with him and i feel so happy.

did i mention that we are long distance? him being in la and me in sacramento. so the only thing thats connecting us is facetime. maybe once every two months will i see him in person but yep. when i had my first panic attack, i really wanted him right next to me. at that moment i felt even more sad because of course you’re gonna want you’re significant other during a moment like that. but anyways, i always miss him and i always want him next to me and i always love him. i want to hurry up and get my education done with so i can be with him. not to sound like omg im so madly infatuated with him type of thing tho. he’s someone who understands me and knows how to love me.

i hope 2020 treats me well despite all the challenges ahead of me.

[brightwood-duchess]

Night Swim | Chatzy Log

Katell, Magnus and Coe. Katell has a realization that rocks her world.

Katell: Katell didn't often swim. She found the bathing suits revealing and as a Seelie court Fae on an island of sexual deviants, that could spell trouble. Night time, however, when all the others had gathered in clubs and bars, was when she felt safe to swim and enjoy the cool water on her skin. She laid back, looking up at her beloved stars in the silence.

Magnus: One of the great things about having his own place next to the ocean was that he could head down to the beach whenever he wanted. Heading down to the beach in just his shorts, Magnus chuckled as he saw a familiar figure floating in the water. "Well, well, well. I didn't expect to see anyone on the beach this late."

Katell: Katell gasped as she found her footing on the sandy bottom. Her arms instinctually wrapped around her chest and stomach as if she'd been caught naked rather than in her recently purchased bikini. Her eyes locked on to her new teacher and she felt her heart race the way it always did in class, a class she wasn't doing very well in. "W-what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be at your club?" she asked in a breathless voice

Magnus: With a grin on his face, Magnus shrugged as he slipped into the water, feel the warm water on his skin. His eyebrow cocked upwards when he sawt her try to cover herself like she was naked. "I don't spend every night at my club. Besides, it's a nice night to go skinny dipping."t

Katell: "Skinny dipping?" She questioned incredulously. "Will that be on the next test then?" She questioned with a bit of sass. He'd been kind to her before and she respected his authority as a King, but Katell was still a little bitter that she was forced to take yet another class that she was near failing. A class that set her cheeks aflame and her heart to race at the scandal of it all.

Magnus: A quick laugh and Magnus shrugged. "I wasn't planning on it but I suppose I could make it an extra credit assignment." He remembered that she wasn't doing well in his class, but he kind of expected it from her.

Katell: "Very funny," she spoke and had the audacity to roll her eyes... at a King no less. One could watch her expression change as she realized what she'd done. She bowed her head and told herself to stow her attitude, she had manners after all. With her head still bowed, she lifted her eyes to his majesty, hoping to see if he'd noticed or felt disrespected in any way.

Magnus: Magnus snorted a laugh and shook his head, a grin on his face despite her attitude. He had always been amused whenever she caught an attitude with him considering how formal she tried to act around him. "How have you been Katell?"

Katell: "I've been..." she wanted to say fine but Fae could not lie. "... shaken. I'm taking a new dance program, and now your class. I swear, the earth shattering changes just never stop coming in this place." Her eyes looked over him, so at ease in the same place that had her so on edge. "What about you?" Maybe she could figure out his secret.

Magnus: "What's wrong with my class?" Magnus asked, confused for a moment. He tried to keep things fairly equal in his class, never picking someone to the exclusion of everyone else.

Katell: "The topic is...." She bit her lip before explaining. She wanted to say that it wasn't proper talk for a duchess but in reality, she hadn't been with anyone or even felt her own hands since May of last year. She was pent up, by her own protest, but the class wasn't helping. Her things squeezed together at the thought. "I just wish I wasn't forced to discuss and listen to such salacious conversations."

Magnus: His eyebrow rose as he waited for her to explain to him her opinion of his class. "Salacious conversations huh? Tell me Katell, how long have you been at the Institute?"

Katell: "A year and 4 months," she answered, a little unsure where he was going with his questioning.

Magnus: "So in 16 months, you still have not yet come to grips with what this island is about?" Magnus asked, his eyebrow rising incredulously. "The fact that you cannot seem t hold a discussion about these topics without wishing to have it into the dark recesses of your mind is part of why my class is so important."

Katell: "I know what the island is about, but I didn't ask for that. I thought I was getting a diploma and a way into the mortal workforce. Otherwise I would never have come here." She sighed and tried to explain. "I just... I don't indulge in that discussion as acts like that can cause rumour and scandal, things I avoid at all costs. It's why my protest is..." Katell stopped. She'd never admitted to anyone that she was holding her own protest. She blushed and wished she could take back those words. If she was asked about them, she couldn't lie.

Coe: Coe wasn't sure what it was about the beach, but sometimes when he was having a restless night it just calmed him down. He never really slept, being a hellhound, but it let him relax when he needed it. But when he realized that he wasn't the only one here, Coe smirked and waved. "Hello!"

Katell: Katell's gaze lifted to the distraction from her verbal blunder. Thank the realms! Although her arms tightened a bit more where they wrapped around her own body, at least this could distract from her accidental admission.

Magnus: "Look, I get it. You were exiled from the one thing you knew and thrust into a world that didnt make sense to you. Unfortunately, if you're gonna make it in the mortal world, you need to stop acting like you're still a Fae noble." His head cocked to the side at her comment. "Your protest?" Looking up, Magnus nodded to the newcomer. "Hi."

Coe: Coe felt like he interrupted the conversation when he entered and he ran a hand through his hair. "Ah. Um. Do you need me to go?" He pointed a thumb over his shoulder. "I feel like this is a serious conversation. I hope I'm not intruding."

Katell: "But I'm not going to be here forever, I'm going to go back home and whatever I do here could ruin that. I can't live for the now, I have to live for my future." She winced a bit when he questioned her protest. "I... I swore to myself that.... that I wouldn't... find.... release..." before she could admit anymore she latched onto Coe's entrance. "No, it's fine. We weren't discussing anything important."

Coe: Coe smiled when he saw Katell. "It seems like whenever we see each other, we aren't completely dressed. Hi Katell. I hope you've been well." He said as he walked towards them into the water.

Katell: "Right," she remembered the lack of attire when they'd met during the Winter break. She was beginning to deeply regret buying the bikini but she'd little money for herself and it was a costly option. "We were just discussing the new class Magnus is teaching," not a great segue away from her admission of celibacy, but she didn't have a better idea.

Coe: Coe nodded. "And you still look just as good as before. I like it." He gave her his normal goofy smile. "It looks amazing on you." Coe nodded. "Ah yes. That's why he looks familiar. I knew I've seen you somewhere. Hello Professor." He held his hand out. "Nice to officially meet you and not just see you in class." Coe smiled. "I'm Coe."

Magnus: Magnus raised an eyebrow at Katell and shook his head in exasperation. "You are missing the point of the class dear, but then I suppose I can't be too surprised. Most people do." Turning to the newcomer, Magnus nodded his head in greeting. "Hello Coe. Please, call me Magnus. I don't worry about titles in settings like this."

Katell: Katell bowed her head at Magnus' words. She was missing the point of a lot of things it seemed. Everyone she spoke to these days was telling her how wrong her approach was. It was wearing on her a bit. How could they all agree she was wrong?

Coe: Coe nodded. "Nice to meet you, Magnus." He corrected himself. "I've had fun in the class. It's been really helpful. I like it. If that is any consolation." He shrugged.

Magnus: Chuckling, Magnus nodded. "Well, I try to make it both fun and informative. I figure if I can make the topic more fun then I might actually get some real information to sneak in."

Katell: "Real information?" Katell asked, quieter than before. What real information could come from learning the difference between a foot fetish and a hand fetish?

Coe: Coe nodded. "I would say so. I've never done anything before I came here, and I've learned a lot. Definitely been a helpful course. I've had a lot more fun recently."

Magnus: Nodding his head, Magnus smiled. "Yes. The whole point of my Sex and Kink class is to teach proper kink so that hopefully proper techniques will be applied and there will be less injuries amongst the grant students."

Katell: "Abstinence would do the same thing, wouldn't it?" It was working in her favour at least. She'd been 8 months without orgasm herself. Then again, all of her friends would likely have told her the opposite.

Coe: Coe shrugged. "I would assume even if you were abstinent here, it would come in handy at any point in your life. Even if you left the island, it could come in handy if there is anything you ever want to try with a willing partner."

Katell: That was a good point. She wasn't just living for the future, she was living for one goal in her future. "Still, its just... so much to take in..."

Coe: Coe smiled and grabbed her hand, giving it a squeeze. "Even if you are choosing to be abstinent, as hard as it is while here, I would say it's still something to try to at least soak in the information. Better to at least have the knowledge, than not have it at all."

Magnus: "I'm not teaching abstinence. The idea of trying to rely solely on abstinence as any kind of control factor is outright ridiculous."

Katell: It shocked her how easily he called out her little game, and Magnus putting down her plans brought her near to tears in a way she'd never been on the island before. "So what, I'm just supposed to lose myself in the arms of anyone who wants me? Jeopardize my future to survive in a place I don't even want to be?" She bit her lip to stop herself from crying in frustration. "What if my court finds out I'm sleeping around on a sex slave island?" She honestly didn't know what they'd do but she often had nightmares about them finding out which usually ended in the loss of her title and eternal banishment.

Coe: Coe knew how hard it was to be abstinent, but he wasn't one to talk. He liked sex and it was something he discovered with himself once he got here. And it seemed like a lot of people wanted him in that way. So if it made others happy, he didn't mind sleeping with them. He loved it. But he sympathized. He didn't want anyone to do anything they didn't want to. Though that wasn't what this island was about. So he kept ahold of her hand as she got frustrated and gave her hand a squeeze. "That sounds tough. But it also sounds like you're putting a lot of faith in things you can't control. And it seems like those who you belong to outside of the island control you just as much as this island does. Why choose either?" He asked curiously. "I've chosen my happiness. And it has seemed to help. Myself is more important than anyone trying to control me."

Katell: "I don't belong to-" her tongue stopped her, unable to tell a lie. Of course she belonged to someone. She belonged to the Seelie Court. She lived for them in every aspect of her life. They had as much control over her as the collar around her neck. Her shoulders sank and the arms that were wrapped around her fell away, one hand remaining in Coe's. She felt defeated as she saw just how long she'd lived with chains around her.

Coe: Coe pulled her into his arms and gave her a tight hug, like he was trying to hide her away. Like he was trying to block her from being seen from anyone. It seemed like there was many issues at play here and sex was just one of the factors. He rubbed her back with one of his hands. "It's okay."

Magnus: "Did you not chose to come to this school?" Magnus asked quietly, trying to tamp down his natural aggression. "I'm not trying to say you chose to be a sex slave, but last I knew the Institute was not in the habit of kidnapping people and forcing them to come to the island. You may not have wanted to leave the court, but you were made to leave and you chose to come here instead." Dunking his head in the water, he pushed his hair back out of his face before continuing. "As for what your court does or does not know, I think you have a mistaken idea of what they will or will not be ok with. The Seelie Courts are not the mortal royal courts for as much as the royals try to emulate the Fae." He could see that this was not a topic Katell was interested in talking about and so shook his head. "It seems my presence has upset you so I will bid you both good evening."

Katell: Katell hardly felt the embrace at first, she felt tricked, lied to and betrayed by the last people she held dear in her life. Would everyone she cared for only use her in the end. Eventually she registered his comforting and gave Coe a short hug back. All the while Magnus spoke and made her feel even stupider for her choices.

"No, It's fine. I'm the one who should go. I..." she had some thinking to do over this and perhaps some tears that she didn't want to shed in front of anyone else. She gently removed Coe's arms and gave both of them a head nod before heading out of the water, grabbing her things from the beach and heading off. She needed to assess so much now.

[killerqueenjoy]

99 Question Tag

okay okay I know i got tagged to do this like a month ago on my main blog by @santonicababy iM SORRY LIN ILY BUT THIS WAS SO DAMN LONG

1) DO YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR CLOSET DOORS OPEN OR CLOSED

I sleep in the room where everybodies closets are and they all gotta be closed goddamn do you know how spooky it is to even have one open during the night

2) DO YOU TAKE THE SHAMPOOS AND CONDITIONER BOTTLES FROM HOTELS

my parents do, but alas I don't use them in case they have silicones or sulphates in them because I got a whole lotta curls to protect

3)DO YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR SHEETS TUCKED IN OR OUT?

if this refers to the sheet protecting the mattress, then my answer is in because how the fuck would you be able to sleep with that moving around???

4) HAVE YOU STOLEN A STREET SIGN BEFORE

NO SORRY IM BORING

5)DO YOU LIKE TO USE POST IT NOTES

heck yeah, but for random shit

6) DO YOU EVER CUT OUT COUPONS BUT THEN NEVER USE THEM

nee my parents are fancy fuckers who use the coupons on their phone (our local supermarket has a damn app skskksksk)

7) WOULD YOU RATHER BE ATTACKED BY A BIG BEAR OR A SWARM OF BEES

a bear because its one giant son of a bitch and not millions of tiny motherfuckers and also I've never been stung by a bee and intend to keep it that way because majority of my family seem to be allergic

8) DO YOU HAVE FRECKLES

nope! I have a couple beauty spots on my hands and face but thats kinda it

9) DO YOU ALWAYS SMILE FOR PICTURES

not really but if I've been told to smile then its 200% dead inside

10) WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST PET PEEVE

i find many things annoying

11)DO YOU EVER COUNT YOUR STEPS WHEN YOU WALK

only when i go up and down stairs, but i also try to make sure i step with each foot equally (if that makes sense) and i step on only certain colour tiles when im bored

12) HAVE YOU EVER PEED IN THE WOODS

the real question is have i ever been in the woods? both answers are no

13) HAVE YOU EVER POOPED IN THE WOODS

refer to question 12

14)ummmm idk what this question is meant to be curse you Lin

15)DO YOU CHEW YOUR PENS AND PENCILS

nope, the idea weirds me out

16) HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE YOU SLEPT WITH THIS WEEK

none, this week and in general

17) WHAT SIZE IS YOUR BED

one person and a long yet smol doggo size

18) WHAT IS YOUR SONG OF THE WEEK

Eddie from the Rocky Horror Picture Show has been stuck in my head for the whole week so yeah i guess that

19)IS IT OKAY FOR GUYS TO WEAR PINK

HeLL YEAH DUDE HAVE YOU SEEN RAMI MALEK IN PINK

SKSKSKSKS END MY LIFE

but yeah, anyone can wear anything they want to wear (although a suit made out of meat might not be wise)

20) DO YOU STILL WATCH CARTOONS

dudeeeee scooby doo and tom and jerry are my jam I watch them on the regular (among other things)

21)WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVOURITE MOVIE

uhhm idkkkkk I tend to repress bad movies sksksk

22)WHERE WOULD YOU BURY HIDDEN TREASURE IF YOU HAD SOME

idk shove it in the closet ig at least it will be hidden behind my sexuality

23)WHAT DO YOU DRINK WITH DINNER

I usually only drink before or after but ig water??? cooldrink if I'm in a restaurant

24)WHAT DO YOU DIP A CHICKEN NUGGET IN

depends on the nug

25)WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE FOOD

How dare you assume i only have one favourite

tbh it depends cos i love pizza and pasta and stuff but then i cannot live with my granny's curries ksksmks

26) WHAT MOVIES COULD YOU WATCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN AND STILL LOVE

borhap, sing street, rhps, the natm movies, the harry potter movies, any mcu movies

27)LAST PERSON YOU KISSED/KISSED YOU

ahhahahahahahha bold of you to assume anyone wants to do that

28) WERE YOU EVER A BOY/GIRL SCOUT

nope but I was a catrobat which is basically my preschools acrobatics team that was actually really terrible

29)WOULD YOU EVER STRIP OR POSE NUDE IN A MAGAZINE

nahh m8

30) WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WROTE A LETTER TO SOMEONE ON PAPER

this week for a transactional task at school (It was in Afrikaans and I got a C skskskks)

31)CAN YOU CHANGE THE OIL IN A CAR

omg no

32)EVER GOTTEN A SPEEDING TICKET

not old enough to drive!

33)EVER RAN OUT OF GAS

my parents never have for as long as i can remember

34)WHATS YOUR FAVOURITE KINDA SANDWHICH

cheese because I am actually John Deacon

35)BEST THING TO EAT FOR BREAKFAST

MUFFINS!!!!

36)WHAT IS YOUR USUAL BEDTIME

school nights its 11pm otherwise i dont have one lol

37)ARE YOU LAZY

YES BUT MY LAZINESS MAKES ME ANXIOUS OOF

38)WHEN YOU WERE A KID WHAT DID YOU DRESS UP AS FOR HALLOWEEN

we dont celebrate that here but i rly want to it seems fun!

39)WHAT IS YOUR CHINESE ASTROLOGICAL SIGN

Ram, which is really cool because im an Aries, so I'm sheep squared

40)HOW MANY LANGUAGES CAN YOU SPEAK

English, Afrikaans (at a basic highschool level), I could speak very vERY basic isiZulu when I was younger but I'm not sure about now, I know a bit of French and Telugu, and I'm gonna start learning Hindi soon!!

41) DO YOU HAVE ANY MAGAZINE SUBSCRIPTIONS

nee

42) WHICH ARE BETTER, LEGOS OR LINCOLN LOGS

i didn't play much with legos and i have no idea what the second one is rip

43)ARE YOU STUBBORN

to an extent

44)WHO IS BETTER, LENO OR LETTERMAN

I kept reading Leno as Lenin ffs

45)EVER WATCH SOAP OPERAS

I watch them occasionally with my granny, but I don't keep up with them very well (Kasamh Se is my shit tho)

46)ARE YOU AFRAID OF HEIGHTS

no, im afraid of falling in general tho

47) DO YOU SING IN THE CAR

My dad and I bop frequently to Never Gonna Give You Up in the car, and also classic bollywood songs (we have even learnt the choreography for some)

48)DO YOU SING IN THE SHOWER

i perform

49) DO YOU DANCE IN THE CAR

well theres not exactly much space

50)EVER USED A GUN

nope

51)LAST TIME YOU GOT A PORTRAIT TAKEN BY A PHOTOGRAPHER

not sure

52)DO YOU THINK MUSICALS ARE CHEESY

most are but thats why i like them

53) IS CHRISTMAS STRESSFUL

we don't celebrate because we're not Christian (we still eat a lot and exchange presents tho), but it can get stressful if we have to visit extended family, mostly because my extended family loves to insult everything about me so thats great!

54)EVER EAT A PIEROGI

not i good sir

55) FAVOURITE TYPE OF FRUIT PIE

never had one, it doesnt appeal to me

56) OCCUPATIONS YOU WANTED TO BE WHEN YOU WERE A KID

a vet

57)DO YOU BELIEVE IN GHOSTS

i am a ghost

58)EVER HAD A DEJA-VU FEELING

not that i remember

59)DO YOU TAKE A VITAMIN DAILY

yes, I take a multi vitamin, a vitamin D pill because I'm vitamin D deficient, and im not sure if this is a vitamin or not but i take evening primrose oil so that im not outwardly a bitch due to pms

60)DO YOU WEAR SLIPPERS

i wear slipper socks, because my doggo got jealous of my doggie slippers and murdered them in cold blood

61)DO YOU WEAR A BATH ROBE

i have one and rarely use it because i forget it exists

62)WHAT DO YOU WEAR TO BED

a random shirt and pants, though ive been known to kick pants off (ive been doing that since birth), occasionally i manage to get the matching pj set

63)WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CONCERT

ive unfortunately never been to a concert before

64)WALMART TARGET OR KMART

ive never seen any of these stores in my country

65)NIKE OR ADIDAS

i own neither

66) CHEETOS OR FRITOS

neither

67)PEANUTS OR SUNFLOWER SEEDS

Peanuts because thats my doggos name!

68) EVER HEARD OF THE GROUP TRES BIEN

no sorry

69)EVER TAKE DANCE LESSONS

i went to a bhangra class for about a year, and we performed for our parents at the end of that year (i was in one of the few groups that didnt have to dance in lehengas thank goodness)

70)IS THERE A PROFESSION YOU PICTURE

YOUR FUTURE SPOUSE DOING

probably something creative, but I don't mind as long as they're happy with what they're doing and its not harming others!

71)CAN YOU CURL YOUR TONGUE

yep

72)EVER WON A SPELLING BEE

never entered one, having to spell out loud makes me anxious

73)HAVE YOU EVER CRIED BECAUSE YOU WERE SO HAPPY

i think so

74)OWN ANY RECORD ALBUMS

nope

75)OWN A RECORD PLAYER

i wish

76)DO YOU REGULARLY BURN INCENSE

my granny burns incense while I'm at school because my mom and i both get really sick when its just been lit and the smell is strong. Going to the temple is a damn nightmare because of it

77)EVER BEEN IN LOVE

no, too busy fangirling

78)WHO WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE IN CONCERT

oof a long list

Queen, Twenty One Pilots, Waterparks, Frank Iero and the Future Violents (ffs fronk stop changin the name), Panic! at the Disco...to name a few

79)WHAT WAS THE LAST CONCERT YOU SAW

refer to question 63

80)HOT TEA OR COLD TEA

both

81)TEA OR COFFEE

coffee

82)SUGAR COOKIES OR SNICKERDOODLES

sugar cookies

83)CAN YOU SWIM WELL

i wouldn't drown, but im no professional either

84)CAN YOU HOLD YOUR BREATH WITHOUT HOLDING YOUR NOSE

im doing it right now

85)ARE YOU PATIENT

eh

86)DJ OR BAND AT A WEDDING

I've only ever been to Hindi,Tamil and Telugu weddings and lemme tell you 90% of the time bands flop at those weddings because they can't sing the classics without failing miserably, so DJs are generally better. However, in that case, if a band can perform those songs, then I'd prefer a band ig

87)EVER WON A CONTEST

yep, a couple of reading contests

88)HAVE YOU EVER HAD PLASTIC SURGERY

nope, not planning on it

89)WHICH ARE BETTER, BLACK OR GREEN OLIVES

dont like olives rip

90)CAN YOU KNIT OR CROCHET

i can knit!

in fact, my friends and i are so cool that we're in our schools knitting club (which besides myself, @grandfunnyemopainter and @imjustabruh , only has 2 other members)

91)BEST ROOM FOR A FIREPLACE

lounge or study/library

92)DO YOU WANT TO GET MARRIED

i guess, its not on my goal list tho

93)IF MARRIED, HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN MARRIED

no

94)WHO WAS YOUR HIGHSCHOOL CRUSH

currently in highschool, and in love with the borhap cast, sebastian stan, stephanie beatriz and band members (theres more but yeah)

95)DO YOU CRY AND THROW A FIT UNTIL YOU GET YOUR OWN WAY

nope, i have only two ways to deal, be a total pushover or a total bitch

96)DO YOU HAVE KIDS

nope

97)DO YOU WANT KIDS

kind of undecided, but i do want more pets

98)WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE COLOUR

Dark Blue

99)DO YOU MISS ANYONE RIGHT NOW

my dog, shes been ignoring me for about four hours now because I stayed at school for an extra hour (for knitting club!)

@softspaceboibrian @roger-taylor-owns-my-wigg @im-inlovewithmycar do it cowards

[rosapeachhogwartsmystery]

I’m sorry for worrying you (Hogwarts Mystery Imagine - Hufflepuff fem!reader x Ben Copper)

Masterlist  (To view my Masterlist, visit my Tumblr page)

Request: Can you do a Ben CopperxFemHufflepuff reader where the reader gets sick or injured and Ben is the only one there to help her. LOTS OF FLUFF PLEASE. Thank you and your work is amazing💕💕👏👏

A/N: I decided to make the reader sick. Ben might not be the only one who could help her, but he is the one who helps the reader. Perhaps I could make another one where Ben is the only one there, but perhaps I can do that in another imagine (like something that is going on in the Forbidden Forest).

Words: 2576

Pairing: Hufflepuff fem!reader x Ben Copper

_________________________________________________

Ben and you have been dating for a while now. You were in your fifth year when you began dating. You remembered the day you gathered all your courage to ask Ben out. Of course, you wouldn’t have been able to do that if your fellow Hufflepuff friends didn’t encourage you. You probably were just as nervous as Ben was at that moment. He was so surprised when you asked him and didn’t need to think twice to agree. He liked you just as much as you liked him at that point, especially because you have been there for him whenever he needed you. You stood up for him many times. You even stood up for him when Rowan accused him for knowing more about R. Ben was someone who could keep you calm and relaxed. It was like he exactly knew what you needed. He was great at comforting you too and he was looking out for you. He would try to keep you as safe as possible, even though he knew it was a difficult task. You were really dedicated to find your brother, so you needed to get involved with the Cursed Vaults. Now you were in your sixth year, meaning you only had this year and the next one to find your brother.

Ben helped you with finding the Cursed Vaults, understanding it was important to you. Still, he was pretty afraid. He honestly was surprised you never ended up in the Hospital Wing. Perhaps you did listen to him? He always told you to be careful. Still, even though you were careful you could still get hurt. After all, some of your friends were in the Hospital Wing after they helped you. He supposed you were just really lucky so far. Hopefully you would be lucky for a while longer, because he won’t know what he should do if something to you. He didn’t want to lose you. Even though he was afraid, he would do everything to help you out. You might not always ask for help, but he knew you needed it sometimes. He just wanted to be sure you were all right.

 Ben waited for you in front of the Charms classroom. That was one of the classed you have together after all. There you were with Rowan, Tonks and Penny. Wait, were you wearing a scarf? It was Spring, you wouldn’t really need your scarf. Penny smiled when she saw Ben waiting for you. “Good morning, Ben.” She said with a smile before she quickly entered the classroom. “Are you sure you are okay?” He could hear Rowan whisper to you. You nodded to her and told her to go in. She sighed and walked in. Tonks stood near Ben. “She has a cold.” She whispered into his ear before she entered the classroom. You walked over to Ben with a small smile. Your nose was a little red and you looked tired. “Hey.” You greeted softly. “Good morning, Y/N.” He said and then he gave you a worried look. “Are you all right?” He asked you. He could definitely tell you weren’t feeling too great. Perhaps you have the flu? “I just caught a cold. I was out at night, you… The Forbidden Forest was just a little cold.” You whispered to him. “You didn’t tell me you were going there.” He frowned. “Sorry, I just found a clue and decided to check it out.” You said softly.

 “It’s all right. Let’s go in before Professor Flitwick will start his class without us.” Ben said. You nodded and then you walked into the class with him. Nowadays would sit next to Ben. Sometimes you would secretly hold his hand during class, liking it to be close to him. You knew you wouldn’t be able to pull that off if you were in Potions. Perhaps it was a good thing you had Potions with Slytherin and not with Gryffindor. You could imagine it would give Snape another reason to take house points from you. He only wouldn’t take house points from you when you worked with Penny. She was one of the few students he actually tolerated. He might not hate you, but that mean he disliked you. Anyways, you could hold Ben’s hand without being seen here. Except when you were supposed to practice the charm.

 During Flitwick’s lecture you were drifting off a little. You had a cold and you hadn’t slept that much last night. You almost thought you would fall asleep. You didn’t want to miss anything though, after all every spell was useful in some kind of way. It could help you with finding your brother, you were convinced of that. Besides, you liked Flitwick’s lessons quite a lot, you didn’t want to disappoint your professor by falling asleep during his lecture. You’d rather not fall asleep at any class you have. You also couldn’t disappoint your housemates by losing house points again. You just needed to stay awake and focus. Just listen to Flitwick and make notes.

 Ben gently touched your hand. He was concerned about you. He could see you nearly falling asleep. You looked at him and gave him a small smile like you were saying you were fine. He didn’t buy it though, knowing you were probably not feeling up for classes completely. Maybe he should suggest you should go to Madam Pomfrey after class? She could give you something that would make you feel better in no time, he was sure of it. If you were feeling worse, he would definitely ask Flitwick if he could escort you to the Hospital Wing. He didn’t like it to see you like this. If you just weren’t so determined to do everything despite not feeling well, perhaps you would have gone to Madam Pomfrey yourself this morning.

 “Miss Y/L/N, could you please demonstrate the spell for us?” Flitwick asked. Of course, you were the one who needed to demonstrate the spell when you weren’t feeling okay. Ben watched you slowly get up and walk towards the front of the classroom. Flitwick gave you a small smile, glad you were willing to demonstrate the spell. You made the correct wand movements and said the incantation. “Very good, miss Y/L/N. Five points to Hufflepuff.” Flitwick said. You smiled a bit before things seemed to be spinning a bit. Ben frowned when you swayed a bit, knowing something wasn’t right. Before you noticed black spots were covering your vision and you could feel yourself falling down. You could hear some gasps before everything seemed to be fading away.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

“Y/N? Can you hear me?” You heard a soft voice say when you slowly felt like you regained your conscious. You knew you had passed out in front of the class. You gave a soft hum, like you were saying you could hear someone. “Mister Copper, if she able to, please escort her to the Hospital Wing.” You heard someone else say. “Of course, Professor.” The first voice said. It took you a moment to realize it was Ben who spoke to you first. The other voice was definitely Professor Flitwick. You slowly opened your eyes, not being able to focus yet. Everything seemed to be a little blurry. It took you a little while before your sight was good enough to see Ben’s face. You slowly sat up and Ben helped you. “Do you think you can stand?” He asked you softly. You gave him an unsure look. “Maybe?” You said softly. He took a deep breath before he slowly picked you up. You could hear some people whispering when he did that.

 When did Ben become this strong? He never picked you up like that before. He began carrying you out of the classroom. “Ben… Are you sure you will be able to carry me to the Hospital Wing?” You asked him softly. “To be honest, I don’t know. I mean, I have never done this before.” He said softly, blushing a little. Luckily you didn’t see him blushing, still not being to focus very well. You simply rested your head against him, closing your eyes for a moment. “Merlin… You are burning up!” Ben said when you rested your head against him. “Maybe I’m burning up because of you.” You mumbled with a small grin. “S-stop joking around, Y/N. I’m serious.” He said softly, blushing more when you said that. “Sorry… I can’t help it. I’m kind of feeling fuzzy, Ben.” You said honestly. “No wonder, you just passed out and you probably have a fever… I don’t know how you even managed to go to class without collapsing.” He said. “A great will and this nice scarf you gave me this winter.” You mumbled softly.

 “Dear goodness, what happened?” Madam Pomfrey asked Ben carried you into the Hospital Wing. “Y/N fell unconscious during Charms and has a fever. I was just in time to stop her from hitting her head.” Ben told her. You blinked. Ben managed to catch you? He was too far away to actually catch you. You thought he probably used a charm to prevent you from falling too hard. “Put her down on there.” Madam Pomfrey pointed to an empty bed. “Miss Y/L/N, did you catch a cold?” She asked you when Ben lied you down on the empty bed. “Yes, I caught a cold.” You replied. “I see.” She said when she began her procedures. “Mister Copper, please return your class. You can see miss Y/L/N after your classes.” She told him. Ben frowned a little and then he gently took your hand for a moment, squeezing it lightly. “I will see you later, all right?” He told you. You nodded slightly. “Just go back to class, I’ll be fine.” You told him softly. He gave you a small smile before he left.

 “A nasty cold, but it is nothing we can’t fix. Lots of students are dealing with it lately, so I’m prepared for this cold epidemic.” Madam Pomfrey said, giving you a potion. You slowly drank the potion she gave you, thinking it tasted disgusting. You didn’t spit it out though. “You can rest here for a little while and if you are feeling a bit better you can return to your dormitory to get some sleep. I can tell you really need it.” She told you after she was done. You nodded and then you closed your eyes again. Some sleep here would be nice, but you knew you probably would sleep better in your dormitory. Maybe even better if you could sleep in Ben’s arms, but that only happened a few times when you two were studying together and you had the urge to take a nap. Ben didn’t mind it when you took a nap, giving him the opportunity to keep holding you and think about how cute you look when you are asleep.

 When you woke up you noticed Ben was sitting next to your bed. It was like he was almost about to drift off himself. You slowly sat up and he kind of snapped awake. “Are you sleepy, Ben?” You asked him. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to fall asleep.” He said, rubbing the back of his head a bit. “How are you feeling?” He asked you. “A bit better. I’m mostly just tired now.” You told him. He nodded. “Well, Madam Pomfrey said you could leave if you felt better. Your fever is definitely gone now.” He told you. You nodded. “Ben, I haven’t thanked you for preventing me from hitting my head. It is probably the reason my head didn’t hurt that much when I opened my eyes.” You said softly. Ben blushed a little. “It was no problem. I mean, I couldn’t just let you fall. I couldn’t catch you myself, but the charm prevented you from falling too hard.” He said honestly. “Well, I’m glad you were quick enough to help me, Ben.” You said honestly, giving him a smile.

You slowly got out of the bed and sighed softly, definitely feeling a lot better compared to when Ben brought you in. That potion did wonders, maybe it would have worked even faster if you came to Madam Pomfrey the moment you caught a cold. Too late for that now. You definitely kept it in mind. “Well then, I should probably get out of here, so I can make place for someone who actually needs help now.” You said amused. “You also needed help, Y/N.” Ben said honestly. “Well… Okay, I needed help, but I’m feeling mostly okay now.” You said honestly. You thanked Madam Pomfrey for the help and then you walked out of the Hospital Wing with Ben.

 “I should probably bring you towards your Common Room.” Ben said honestly. “I probably should, but I really don’t want to.” You said, wrapping your arms around one of Ben’s arms. “But you need some more rest. You said you were tired.” He said honestly. “Can’t I just take a nap in your arms?” You mumbled softly, looking into his eyes like you were pleading him. Ben blushed a little. “There isn’t really a comfortable place for you to do that.” He said. “Can’t you sneak me into your dormitory?” You asked softly. Ben began blushing more. “Y/N…” He mumbled. “What? It is just for a nap and maybe if I don’t wake up for the night… Nothing weird, just sleeping next you.” You said softly. “As… As much as I like that idea, it’s probably better if you stay in your own dormitory tonight.” He said. You pouted a little. “But… maybe we could do that another time?” He said. You grinned lightly. “I just have to find a way so Charlie and my other dorm mates won’t find out about it.” He said.

 “I would suggest you going to my dormitory, but the I have to hide you from Penny, Rowan and Tonks. And since we sleep in the Dungeons there would be a chance of Snape catching us whether we like it or now…” You said honestly. “I think Penny, Rowan and Tonks are probably going to tease us more than Charlie when they find out.” Ben said honestly. “That’s what I thought as well.” You said. He brought you in front of your Common Room and kissed the top of your head. “Next time, you should tell me when you aren’t feeling all right, okay? That way we could prevent it from getting worse.” He said honestly. “I know, I know… I just thought I could handle it. Apparently, I was just wrong about it.” You said. “I just didn’t want to miss anything. I mean, I still got five house points for Hufflepuff after all.” You said with a small grin before you looked more serious. “But I probably scared you by collapsing, so I will try to be more careful when I’m not feeling all right.” You said honestly. “And tell you about what happened last night. I probably should have told you during breakfast.” You quickly added, knowing you hadn’t told him about what you had done in the Forbidden Forest.

 “You can tell me tomorrow. Just rest and take it easy.” Ben said and then gently pulled you into a hug. You hugged him back, resting your head against him.

 “Are you sure I can’t convince you to let me stay in your arms?” “Y/N, please….”

[pbandjesse]

Today was a pretty excellent day, all around. I mean I could complain a little. Mostly that I was cold. But like. It was still a really good day. 

I slept pretty good last night. Waking up continues to be hard, but I just have to let myself believe Im making up for the lost sleep. James woke me up at 8 and confused me about where they were going because they work at home on wednesday and Im like. Where you going. But it was just a joke. I would sleep for another hour. And when I got up and felt pretty okay. 

I had a nice breakfast. I made two different kinds of toast. Had a half of one of the special black apples we got at the farmers market. I didnt like the skin so much but the texture of the inside was nice. A little different then like a granny smith, and much sweeter. I like trying these new apples. 

I watched some videos and changed my shirt a few times because I was cold. It was a cold and rainy day. Which just made me feel damp and icy. But it was a nice morning still. 

I had my phone interview at 11 and it was great. I may or may not actually like the job but the conversation I had was lovely. I got to talk about Jess and me's relationship a little. And just about how I look at things, about my art and background. I talked about this blog a bit, and explained how the project works. She asked me to talk about how I would style someone in my family and I think I surprised her because I chose my brother. Steve is super minimal and spartin so I thought it would be a neat conversation and I was totally right.  Sort of upgrading a minimalist look. It was cool. This job is very very much a side hustle/micro part time job. But I think it would be fun. But even if I dont get it I had a good time talking to Emily. She was very sweet and made me feel very heard and I like that in people. 

I had like 10 minutes before I had to leave for work. I got myself ready and felt very cute. I like my new shirt a lot. I had to wear my fluffy jacket because it was very cold. And shockingly it was cold in the building at work too. Which has never been the case so it was a surprise. 

But work was really good for once? Thats not fair, there are good days. But today was good. It was chill. Yes it was almost all boys, and one little girl. But she went home half way through the day. So the boys were very loud. I got to spend the beginning of the day while they were in class reading!! Thats three days in a row! Im honestly trying to mirror behavior I want to see. And I am excited to have time to finish this book of short stories I started literally months ago. I finished one of the short stories and it was excellent. Like just awesome. 

And my mirroring plan worked because I read so many books to the kids today too. I was like, you wont like this (mostly because I didnt want to read one outloud I didnt know the content of incase it wasnt appropriate) but go pick a book and Ill read to you. So I read 4 little books and one 90 page book. The one little book was about a tiny seed and was our program so I asked them lots of questions throughout about where they think the seed could grow and stuff. It was very cute. And then while they worked on the yarn art project I showed them I read them a good about dragon riders. It was great. It took like 45 minutes to read the whole thing to them. It turns out its the first in a series. Im not sure we have the rest of the series but it was fun regardless. And it was nice having something to do. 

The rest of the day was pretty chill. We would read and paint and play games. We ran around upstairs. It was a good day. 

The kids took forever to get picked up again. I left a few minutes early because. I wanted to. And so I was out in the rain again. 

I got home and heated up my leftover pasta. I kissed on James for a little. And soon we had DND.

 My social battery was bad tonight. But I still had a lot of fun. Our party is essentially going to a 4H fair and most of us are just like. Cute story!! One person in our party seems annoyed with that and wants to go fight which like. I get. Thats how my last group was. But I like the cute story of it all! I hope we can make the story really nice and fun and like. Real? Like pushing violence just doesnt make sense for the story, not that we wont have fights, but I think the story can be better then that. 

We finished up the game and I got a shower. I used my new lotion bar and I will not be getting the no package one again because Ive only used it three times and its like half the size. Not cool. Learned my lesson there. 

Now it is time to dry my hair and go to sleep. I hope tomorrow is a nice day. I want to start painting my bears. So wish me luck for the energy to do that. Goodnight everyone. Take care of yourselves. 

[jikooksoutro]

teacher’s pet

word count: 1.9K (WARNING; MENTION OF DEPRESSION AND SUICIDE)

jimin stared at his phone, waiting for a reply from taehyung but nothing. he had been standing in the hallway for about 5 minutes. he froze when he saw the drink on his desk. he had been joking about liking the person who had kept leaving him these presents but he was terrified right now. once he heard the text tone of a cellphone coming from his office he got truly scared. someone was in his office and he couldn’t bring himself to walk any closer. 

“t-taehyung?” he called out, hoping it was his friend playing a bad joke. no answer. he built up the courage to take a couple steps closer, not noticing that he passed someone on his way to his desk. 

“hey-“ a scream followed jungkook’s greeting along with a fist right to his shoulder. 

“oh my god?! JUNGKOOK?! OH GOD IM SORRY I DIDNT MEAN TO-“ jimin immediately rubbed the younger boy’s shoulder, his heart still beating out of his chest from the scare. 

“it’s fine i should’ve told you i was here. you got a pretty heavy fist there mochi” how could jungkook still address him so sweetly after what he did earlier?

“what are you doing here?” jimin asked. 

“i had to give you something” jungkook pointed at jimin’s desk and it clicked. no..he wasn’t. it couldn’t be. 

jimin reached for the sticky note sitting next to the coffee. 

“i like you a latte” he read aloud. “wait what..so you...that means....it’s been...no”

jungkook walked over to the couch the two had slept on not long ago, taking a seat. 

“hear me out?” he asked. jimin was dumbfounded but he nodded slowly. “yes it’s been me this whole time. my friend jin owns that cafe and he asked me to try his new creations before putting them on the menu so i gave them to you instead. i don’t think that’s important right now though.” he rubbed his shoulder. “i guess i’m here for myself. i figured you probably don’t remember much of last night which is fine and i’ll tell you anything you want to know but let me just tell you this first. i don’t know what it was but ever since i first met you i felt something really weird? wow that sounds romantic. um i mean i’ve never felt the way i do...ah. hold on no, i guess it’s just best to say it right? i mean that’s really why i came so i should just tell you but you ptobably already know i mean i think you do so what’s the point in me telling you because you read the sticky note too so it’s just the same thing-“ jungkook’s nerves were taking over him and jimin noticed. he knew he would regret it but he sat next to jungkook anyways and rubbed his thigh.

“jungkook, just say it”

“right ok yeah i don’t know” a sigh escaped jungkook’s lips. he thought about what yoongi had told him earlier on the phone. 

“i know you’re thinking about him and his decisions right now but think about yourself for a minute. i’m not saying that i don’t care about jimin’s feelings, but sometimes the truth helps both sides. tell him how you feel when you’re not drunk idiots. listen, taehyung mentioned that jimin was in his office. now, what you choose to do with that information is up to you but i think we both know what needs to happen”

“i like you jimin…a lot. i know it’s weird since most of our interactions have been during class or office hours but i wish i had the words to explain it?” jimin could see how nervous jungkook was but he also felt his own heart beating out of his chest. “i’m not really telling you for the feelings to be reciprated or for this to lead to something else, i’m doing it for my own peace of mind i guess. for the past four years i’ve done everything in my power to stay away from everyone romantically. when i was 15 i fell in love, or at least thought i did. we both struggled with our own issues but he had depression and i did my best to fix things between us when things got rough. i tried jimin, i tried to get him help but he refused and i knew i couldn’t do much. it got so bad i started feeling like shit because i felt so useless. i was emotionally exhausted, i couldn’t do it anymore. i was so in love with him at first and i saw how he changed. he wasn’t the person i fell for anymore. his depression consummed him entirely. six months before i had lost my parents as well in an accident. seokjin and namjoon took me in and they witnessed every shitty moment in my life. they saw how my relationship was affecting me on top of dealing with the loss of the people who brought me into this world. i’m older now so i can kind of reflect on it but at the time i was more focused on jaesung than my own mental health. seokjin and namjoon sat me down one night and laid out the facts. it wasn’t healthy for me and i knew deep down that i had fallen out of love long ago” jungkook began getting choked up, tears welling up on the rim of his eyes. he swallowed the knot in his throat, determined to do this. “so the next day i did it. i broke up with him. i told him i would still be here for him and do everything i could to help him but he refused. i betrayed him. i am the reason he isn’t here today” jimin knew exactly where this was headed and he reached for jungkook’s hand. he hadn’t even noticed the set of tears that had streamed down his own cheeks. 

“jungkook you don’t have to tell me any of th-“

“that night his sister found him in the bathtub and ever since then i vowed to never fall for anyone else ever again and if i did then i’d ignore it and move on because i can’t risk someone’s life for my own happiness” jimin’s heart felt like it had been ripped out of him. this boy he always saw so happy and giddy was hurt inside. worse than jimin had ever been hurt. he had so selfishly only been thinking about his own feelings towards jungkook but he never took a look at what might be behind this young tender boys feelings towards him. 

“i did so well for the past four years. people i met would be one night stands and that’s it. never anything more and never anything less” jungkook’s hand was being held tightly by jimin who was now feeling guilty it had to come to this. jungkook spilling his guts to him hours after jimin had broken his heart yet again.

“but then i met you jimin” jimin didn’t think twice before crawling onto jungkook’s lap, his arms circling the younger boy’s neck as he embraced him. it hurt hearing this. it hurt jimin so much knowing why jungkook had been so persisten in his flirting, why jungkook was so patient with jimin. jimin was special to him. he made him feel alive again. it showed in the way jungkook hugged jimin back. it felt as if nothing could seperate them in this moment. their bodies were linked together and jimin swore he could feel jungkook’s pain passing into his own body, he only wished he could take it away comepletely. jimin could see the tears landing on jungkook’s shoulder as he felt his own shoulder becoming damp. they both stayed there in silence, but it wasn’t awkward, it was the complete opposite, it was relieving and comforting all at once.

jimin lifted his head from jungkook’s shoulder, his hands linked together behind the boy’s neck. jungkook’s eyes were swollen and red, a sight jimin never thought would make his heart ache as much as it did. jungkook’s soft smile only made him feel worse.

“i’m sorry” jimin uttered, his hand sliding around to cup jungkook’s cheek as his thumb gently glided across. “i don’t deserve your trust. you just spilled your guts to me after i’ve been such a fucking coward towards you. unless i’m drunk then apparently i have all the balls in the world” jimin’s thumb reached a little higher to wipe under jungkook’s eye, preventing a tear from falling. “i can’t do it anymore jungkook. i can’t just sit here and continue to pretend that i don’t care.” after years of being closed off, jungkook was the one who broke down jimin’s walls. 

“just so you know, i already know how you feel. drunk jimin spilled the scorching tea last night” jungkook tried to lighten the mood, not wanting to keep focus on everything he just said. the only thing that mattered was that jimin knew how special he was to jungkook. 

“what? fuck. what the hell did he tell you?” jimin played along, adjusting himself so he was now straddling jungkook. his arms returning to cling around jungkook’s neck. 

“well he said you felt..what was it? an elephant in your stomach when we kissed?” jimin could feel his face becoming hotter with embarassment. “he also let me know that you like me but you’re scared of risking my scholarship which you shouldn’t be because at this point i’d risk it for you. it’s because of you that i’ve been so happy lately and even if you didn’t do it conciously, you’ve helped me. i’m fuckinhg scared jimin. i’m scared of allowing myself to feel this way but i can’t seem to control it when it comes to you. i feel like im a fucking child with a fat crush on a middle schooler”

“actually i think you mean a crush on your teacher” jimin finally earned a chuckle from jungkook. “you’re so cute” he couldn’t help but squish his students cheeks. “but jungkook, let me help you. everything you told me, i can’t imagine how hurt you must be but you have to know that it wasn’t your faul-“

“not tonight” jungkook cut him off. “if it’s okay with you, i’d rather not continue talking about that right now. i told you i came to clear my own conscience and i did. what happens now is up to you. i can go home and pretend nothing ever happened, or i can have you sleep in my arms again since i know you love it so much”

jimin leaned down, his lips grazing over jungkook’s. “stay” he whispered. jungkook’s heart felt content. did he finally get what he wanted? did he really just hear jimin tell him to stay, very well knowing what that answer entailed? most importantly, was yoongi fucking right for once?! 

their lips met for the first time without the influence of alcohol. jimin’s elephant returned yet again, telling him that it wasn’t the alcohol that caused that feeling. it was just jungkook. this was such a different kiss than either boy had ever shared with anyone. it was sweet and soft, it was genuine. their lips gracefully moved against each other, knowing exactly how to compliment one another’s actions. jimin sealed the kiss with a content hum, caressing jungkook’s cheek with his hand. 

“thanks for existing mochi” 

 34/?

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