#like hes not ugly or anything but hes also not super hot either

[stevethehairington]

not to be completely horny on main or anything buuuuuut i went to my local usl men's soccer team game tonight and there is this one player who's shorts are like. AT LEAST one to two sizes too small so like they are very tight and very short, and his thighs are INCREDIBLE, like hot damn soccer player legs man. BUT tonight it was RAINY and WET so all the players were slippin and slidin across that turf even more than usual and naturally this made the guy's shorts ride up even more fjksksld so they fully looked like volleyball spandex. aLSO they were the home team so they were wearing their WHITE uniforms in the RAIN and HOBOY. let 👏 me 👏 just 👏 tell 👏 you 👏 i suuuuuure enjoyed the show 🥵🤪🥴

[verysium]

ACT 1, SCENE 4: blue lock headcanons

shidou would view traditionally ugly creatures as strangely cute. it's not a disgusting cockroach, it's a silly little bug with eyelashes as long as his. no, he's not going to let go of that scraggly one-eyed cat that likely has rabies. it looks too sweet to be abandoned on the streets. his dream childhood pet was definitely a piranha.

aiku wears band t-shirts without knowing the actual music group. no, he does not listen to sex and the pistols, he just thought the design looked very cool. would also wear lana del rey merchandise just to impress the ladies. the only song he realistically knows is west coast, and even then he's only heard it at a random sushi restaurant.

reo would have stereotypical rich people problems. he can't decide if he should bring his chauffeur and valet or actually drive the car himself for your upcoming date. also spends at least one hour seriously pondering over which gucci silk pattern tie looks better on him. trick question, they're both the exact same shade.

shidou steals your covergirl perfect point eyeliner because he thinks it looks way better on him. also a big fan of body glitter and super vulgar eyeshadow palette names. his favorite hue so far is that one hot pink fuchsia that literally burns your eyes with its brightness. nothing is too neon with this man.

ness is the epitome of the sunshine-turned-unhinged-maniacal-killer trope. he would be the bestest boy, but if someone even lays a single hand on you, he’s already plotting their murder. eerily good at hiding bodies but would never divulge his secrets in fear of scaring you off.

shidou would walk unashamedly to the women’s clothing section of the general department store. would never be embarrassed by the bra sizes. you have a double D? he’s already trying three of the cup sizes on just to see if he can get you a comfortable one. if you’re part of the itty bitty titty committee, he wouldn’t judge either. this man loves femininity in all its full glory.

aryu exclusively uses dior beauty. he would rather die than use a generic drugstore makeup brand. sometimes you wonder if he's secretly a dermatologist because this man knows the exact shade, tint, and quality of product for every possible skin tone and type. also very passionate about the controversies behind animal testing and parabens. would be exceedingly picky when it comes to anything he smears on his face (think jeffree star but without the problematic issues.)

sae has his phone screen set to default wallpaper. he only has the translator app downloaded, and that's about it. his personal trainer takes care of all the rest of his stats. after he started dating you though, he kept pictures of you in his private photo albums.

noa cannot tell a white lie to save his life. if he doesn't know something, he will not know something. he doesn't see the point in hiding that. sometimes has trouble reading the room, so you need to remind him that brutal honesty and pure rationality aren't always the way to go. he does become more conscientious after that.

bachira used to draw crayon portraits of all the imaginary monsters he saw at night. scared the shit out of his parents because they thought he was hallucinating (he actually was.) nowadays, he's a lot tamer because you force him to take his meds.

isagi is, in fact, the number one mind reader and manipulator throughout the entire series. this man is clairvoyant, psychic, and telepathic all packaged into one. sometimes his right ear twitches, and he just knows someone is talking about him behind his back. unfortunately, all of this occurs in his head, so no one on the outside world actually knows about his sixth sense.

rin was absolutely bombarded with valentine's chocolates last year, but when he sorted through the entire pile and realized you hadn't given him one, he returned them all to their respective senders. will refuse any form of sweets unless it came directly from you. you need to be there physically to hand him the box.

kaiser writes, thinks, and speaks entirely in german even if no one else can understand him. he secretly can speak english but chooses not to because he absolutely hates anglicization. refuses to compromise his own language and culture just to fit in with the rest of the world. it's degrading. if he had it his way, german would be the new lingua franca. definitely thinks translation is for dummies. what do you mean you're not already bilingual? you better run, not walk, to that little green owl app. does use his foreign accent to make you feel flustered though. has a voice kink but in a non-traditional sort of way. you have to be the one turned on by his voice. only then will he start feeling it.

yukimiya loves it when you lose your shit. one time a jerk cut you off in traffic, and you started aggressively cursing. he fell in love with you right there on the spot. it was something about the fire in your eyes and the way you refused to take any attitude from the other party. that self-assertiveness you exhibit is so empowering.

aiku takes you out to karaoke bars just to hear you sing. you look so pretty under the purple disco lights, belting your little heart out to the rock lyrics. sometimes he has to take a minute to just appreciate how lucky he is to have you.

nagi didn't know that you have to actively check and update your email inbox. he had no clue school even started until one day the principal called his parents over his thirteen student absences. he thinks it's a headache to even get out of bed and put his fingers on his laptop keyboard. since when was the distance between his arrow cursor and the search bar that wide? it looks too long for him to reach. maybe he should just do this tomorrow.

reo does not know what saving money is. the first time you asked him for a promo code, he looked at you as if you had just spouted a strange language. when you showed him your little wallet full of cut-out coupons, he literally had to hold them up to the light and closely inspect them. it was definitely a moment of enlightenment.

sae likes anklets, especially the super thin gold chain ones. something about the way it brushes against his bare leg when you sleep beside him drives him out of his mind. he's also a sucker for subtle jewelry as evidenced by his necklace and wrist bands.

otoya practically lives for instant gratification. he would be guilty of love bombing. loses interest quickly, but sometimes wishes he could actually commit for once. football is important to him because it is one of the only activities he has consistently practiced for over a decade.

karasu is down bad for anyone who can actually outsmart him. you got a higher mark than him on the recent exam? damn, his heart just beat a little faster. spaces out in a love-filled haze whenever you ramble on about your nerdy little subject interests. he is a sapiophile through and through. intelligence just does it for him.

loki is the type of person who absolutely demolishes your self-esteem, and yet you still cannot bring yourself to hate him. when people say god has his favorites, they mean this man right here. he would be an innately talented genius while simultaneously being the most humble human being in existence. at this point, it's not his problem. it's a you problem. try harder next time.

chris is very similar to a neurosurgery resident. he has the largest self-entitled ego in existence. not a single day goes by when he doesn't remind you that he is, in fact, one of the highest ranking football players in the world. you can't say anything about it though because he has rightfully earned his arrogance. i mean, what are you going to use against him? his grueling hours of blood, sweat, and tears? this man works harder than the devil himself. in fact, he is the devil.

rin is the type to get emotionally attached to the most ordinary objects ever. he collects batteries and keeps a separate drawer as a graveyard for them once they die. the triple A ones get a special funeral since they're so hard to find. he just can't bring himself to let go of objects that no longer serve a purpose (just like his relationship with sae, sorry not sorry.)

hiori cannot go to bed unless it is absolutely dark. the curtains have to be closed. the door has to be locked. everything has to be drowned in pitch black. the reason he does this is because he still has flashbacks from that tiny strip of light underneath his bedroom door. his parents would argue all night when they thought he had gone to sleep. it still haunts him to this very day.

nagi wishes he could be a cat. sleeping all day and sunbathing on the rooftop seem like great ways to spend his life. unfortunately for him, he is not a cat. when he dies though, he wants to be reincarnated as one. either that, or a rock.

rin snores like a whole power drill at night. sae secretly hates his brother for that but can’t bring himself to wake him. whenever the itoshi family goes on vacation, ear plugs are not an option but a necessity.

chigiri knows ventriloquism. he used to play with his sister's dolls and make up character voices for each of them. definitely uses it as a party trick or as a way to make you laugh when you've had a bad day.

sae always keeps his feelings to himself. sometimes he finds it easier to rant to you than others, but then he almost always ends up retracting back into himself after realizing just how much he's revealed. he hates being emotionally slutty.

ness is the big scary dog in his relationship with kaiser, not the other way around. everyone thinks kaiser is the intimidating one, but ness wears a leash for a reason. one of them is the chihuahua, and the other one is a rottweiler. you can already guess who is who.

reo was having a mental breakdown in his limousine one time, but he ran out of his usual luxury aloe vera lotion tissues. instead of buying more, he took out his cheque-book and ripped out the pages to dry his tears. money is just paper to him. it can be recycled (no, it can't.)

loki is the type to show you a sweet and heartwarming smile before pulling out the most atrocious uno card combination in existence. i'm talking reverse, wild card, skip, draw 2. you sat there for twenty-five minutes trying desperately to draw a green. by the time you were done, he only had one card left. (screw you, loki.)

niko draws his own manga whenever he doesn't like how the official plot ends. if the canon ever diverges from the way he imagined it in his own head, he will draft his own fan fiction instead. one time, he rewrote an entire shonen jump series just to bring his favorite character back to life (*cough cough* said character wears a blindfold.)

karasu is definitely the "um, actually..." type of student. he will always have a rebuttal on hand. the truth is never black-and-white with this man, and he will argue both sides if it furthers his own agenda. he reads the encyclopedia front and back every night just so he can pull out a random arbitrary fact to win an argument some time in the near future.

shidou had a bad habit of chewing pens as a child until one day it finally exploded in his mouth. from then on, he vowed only to chew glittery gel pens. that way when it exploded in his mouth, his tongue would be stained a bright, shimmery purple. if you ever got him a scented gel pen pack, his life would finally be complete.

rin cannot differentiate between colors. if you asked him to find the difference between bubblegum pink and cotton candy pink, he would not know. to him, seven colors is already a lot to memorize. when he was a child, he only drew pictures with a single color because it was less of a hassle that way.

otoya used to think lime green was the most aesthetically pleasing color in existence. almost considered dying his hair that shade until karasu told him that girls don't actually like guys who look like neon highlighters. still wishes he did it though. he wants to glow in the dark.

© verysium 2023 / please do not translate, repost, or plagiarize any of my works

[turn-my-hollow-purple]

AOT at a Christmas Party

I have no caption... it's finals season I wanna die

Eren: the party is at his apartment; lowkey forgot that he's hosting the party and that he actually needs to have food; claims it's a last minute pot luck; doesn't clean his place and ends up ordering pizza

Mikasa: brings a bunch of homemade cookies... it's diverse, some being good and some being... not so good; she doesn't understand the excitement of Christmas but she partakes in the activities; gets to the party half an hour early (before everyone else) and cleans up Eren's apartment because she knew he wouldn't have it clean

Armin: wears an ugly Christmas sweater and thinks that it's super cute; brings a big kettle of hot cocoa (it's his specialty); is DJing the Christmas music

Jean: doesn't know how to cook so he brings a box of store bought Christmas cookies (they're literal shit and no one eats them and he gets offended); wears a beanie and claims it's "Christmas spirit" enough

Connie: genuinely shows up wrapped in Christmas wrapping paper and is wearing antlers or some shit; continues to make jokes about how everyone should jingle his bells; shows up without anything

Sasha: is an amazing baker and shoes up with a shit ton of Christmas baked goodies (cookies, bread, cakes, etc.); and she honestly eats half of the stuff she brings

Erwin: can't cook to save his goddamn life so he brings a case of shitty beers; wears a green sweater and doesn't quite understand that it doesn't 'fit the Christmas spirit'; enjoys watching everyone interact because he never had family Christmas' like this

Levi: is just wearing all black and doesn't take shit about it; brings a box of 12 store bought cookies despite there being more than a dozen people at the party; spends the evening in the corner of the party, watching everyone and secretly enjoying it

Hange: shows up wrapped in Christmas lights... it's a look! attempts to cook and bring a main dish (like a turkey or ham) and omfg is it horrible... it's either burnt or not cooked at all and genuinely could conduct food poisoning; is wayyyy too into the Christmas activities and wants to actual roast chestnuts on a fire

Annie: brings a batch of brownies (box mix) and is always seen with a drink in her hand; however she's smiling the whole time, enjoying how excited Armin is about the festivities; threatens to beat up anyone who says anything bad about Armin's sweater (she's the only one allowed to do that)

Bertholdt: honestly, he can cook and shows up with a few side dishes... mashed potatoes, roasted vegetables, cranberry sauce, etc.; he gets really excited about small things such as giving gifts, spending time with friends, and Armin's hot chocolate

Reiner: brings eggnog except he tries making it and doesn't know what it is so he just beat an egg in some milk (close enough); Annie convinced him to wear this HORRIBLE Christmas sweater because she said it would look good on him (spend the whole night being bullied for it)

Ymir: spikes Armin's hot chocolate with vodka; shows up pre-drunk to the party even though she knew there would be drinks; she also ate before-hand because she knew the food would be shit; shows up empty handed and when she gets called out she claims "she brought the life of the party"

Historia: begs everyone to go Christmas caroling (and is somehow able to convince everyone to do it); she also has everyone pile in and take a Christmas photo together (which is miraculous); brings gifts for everyone even though they all agreed to not bring any

[greattigerssimp]

do you have a personal ranking list of PO boxers from most bae to least bae

Yeah! Here it is ^^ (pretend Great Tiger is above the 10/10 category)

(Tw: me personal opinions about the top boxers ahead! If you disagree, that's okie, but it's just my opinion lol)

(Tw: also talks of sex)

- Wouldn't date King Hippo because I hc him as a straight up animal and the more I think about it... he's probably my least favorite character. I'm so sorry @ohshy

- Passing on Doc and the Ref bc they both bland imo... although I'd put Doc above the ref bc he's got a good personality and we could be friends, bit I wouldn't wanna do anything bae-like with him

- Passing on Sandy too bc he's scary and bland at the same time. He's bland in the fact that his only personality is "boxing" (off topic but I'm tired of ppl saying the other characters aren't boxers bc they too cartoony... like bruh, if you want a realistic boxing simulator with super serious straight-faced boxers, go play an ea game lol) and like... that's it. He's just the strongest, and not in a fun way. But he's also scary bc if I met him irl I'd feel too afraid to even have a normal conversation with him... nevermind find any attraction for him. Also his haircut in his title defense mode is whack

- Whoever said Bald Bull borders on being ugly and handsome is 💯 on the money. Sometimes if I think of him long enough, I could see him as hot? Especially nowadays now that I'm more engrossed into the characters... but him being bae is kinda problematic bc of the obvious issue of his rage issues... like ik Arans got that issue too but Aran is something else, and even if Bull wouldn't break my pancreas if I pissed him off, he'd be at the top of the date category at most.

- Dragon Chan is THE most Bae spo boxer. I like their hair, their build, their unqiue fighting style... I wish they had a more defined voice though... and a 3D sprite. Really, if DC was in the Wii version of punch out, they'd be way up list. They're a rough draft of what would be a smash, but with some development, DC could be soooo freaking attractive.

- Soda is tall and muscular... I love his himbo vibes, but that's about it. His skin is pinkish red (which isn't really a handsome attribute- like tf are you Patrick star-) he'd be an awesome cuddle partner, and would probably treat me right, but that's about it.

- Bear Hugger is also a great cuddle partner. First of all, stan body diverse boxers, second of all, he loves animals and nature, which is a wonderful personality trait. I like his carefree attitude, his squirrel, I like Candian-ness, and with the right art style, he could be really handsome. But there's also the obvious turn off that keep me from smashing him... he probably smells bad, no matter how much I lie to myself, that's probably the truth, and while I praised his confidence to be a boxer while also being chubby, I feel like that could get in the way of smashing... and general appeal (not saying chubby people aren't attractive! I'm chubby too, but in this particular case, it doesn't quite work!!). A one-night cuddle stand would be nice, but I wouldn't go further than that.

- Macho Man is an absolute character. He's got so much personality and spunk, I like his voice, his confidence, his half surfer persona... he's probably a poster child celebrity crush for most people in the PO verse. The thing is, I probably won't do anything long-term with him. This gray-haired, fake tan hoe is NOT loyal! He's surrounded with girls in most of his cutscenes... very, objectively beautiful ones... that sorta makes me think I, being the NOT rich, skinny Hollywood stereotypical beautiful girl I am, would either be out of his league or the first one he ditches. Basically, I'd love to at least cuddle with him and maybe have a breakfast date, buuuut I can't truly love him. He's a southern California boy, and I'm a northeastern girl.

- Piston Hondo is incredibly unproblematic. He's definitely loyal, has his values in place, he's got a great build, a handsome voice, he's strong... I absolutely see the sex appeal, Hondo fans. It's very high... but I don't think I would pursue him. I feel like if we were in a relationship, I wouldn't fully be comfortable. I feel like he'd expect a lot from me to live up to and to put it simply... he's way out of my league. Tbh, I wouldn't have a chance with ANY of these fictional boxers, but with Hondo especially, I feel like I'd be lying awake every night thinking, "He deserves soooo much better than me... I definitely did something wrong today..." So yeah, I'd almost smash, but I don't think I could commit to him. I know my reasoning is really dumb, but idk, I'd feel really nervous around him if we did become official. But damn, would he be a great cuddle partner... wonderful one night stand contender, too. Love ya Hondo, but you're TOO good, honestly.

- Our first smash! Disco Kid! Love Disco Kid... he's full of life and smiles, he dances through life like it's a party... he's good-looking, carefree, he dances, he's rich and successful, he's got a nice voice... and I absolutely love how he doesn't hold any hard feelings for Mac when he loses. He picks himself up and comes back swinging and having even more fun doing what he loves. That's so mature of him, and he's the youngest opponent you face (being 20 years old)... if everyone was like Disco Kid, the world would be a better place. There's one teensy weensy thing keeping him from the REAL baes... he's got endless energy. I feel like he'd be the type of guy that wants to party all night and then still be up for doing stuff with you the next morning. So yeah, I would love to smash with him, but nothing committed because I feel like he'd be too much for Lil introverted me.

-- And now, the top 5 baes 💜💜💜💜💜-

Don Flamenco 🇪🇸 🥀

- If you asked me what I thought of Don Flamenco when I first entered the fandom I would've been like "he's okay lol bros got that goofy ahh total drama headshape".... but now, I think Don Flamenco is a total bae. This man will shower you with attention and romance, he'll dedicate boxing moves in your name- he dances, he has a gorgeous twunk body, his voice and accent are absolutely gorgeous... Don is a dream boat. And the more I think about his story with Carmen, the funnier it is, because he takes it so seriously and goes full on emo... it's kinda pathetic, but in the best way possible. I love Don sm, and him being bald isn't a turn-off at all. Whether it's natural male baldness (that he's having at 23, oof) or if Carmen actually ripped it out of his scalp, or what not... I'd really just accept him for who he is. Isn't that what love is about? <3

Von Kaiser 🇩🇪 🔩

- There are sooooo many fucking sexy things about Von Kaiser... I have to just list them

- Absolute stud, body wise. Would 100% sleep on his chest. Also, he looks HOT ASFUUUUCK in that white tank top in his title defense cut scene!!! (You know the scene lol)

- I love his voice and accent, just like Don (voice means a lot to me, personally)

- I like that he has experience working with kids, bc as someone who also used to work with children, that's like- such a huge appeal, being able to have the maturity and ability to provide protection is so charming to me personality (I have mommy and daddy issues haha 🥲)

- Look, he's got obvious mental problems, but I kinda love him for that. It makes him deep, and it makes me root for him 10x more than I would for little Mac because I don't know what happened that messed him up... personally, I don't think it was a war, but perhaps it is some form of ptsd? I just wanna heal him... let us bang, but let me hold this man by the face and tell him he's amazing and worth it. Idfc if he's 42, he's a handsome, hurt dilf, and I want him.

Aran Ryan 🇮🇪 😈

- Listen y'all... Aran Ryan is problematic, and you shouldn't be with someone like him irl... but he's still really fucking hot. Do I have to explain it? The muscles, the red hair, the ever so slight stubble he has, his Irishness oozing from his voice (Irish people are biologically based and sigma, objectively. Source: I am 0.000262% Irish 🤓/hj). He could break my pancreas if he gets angry, but he's handsome, and I would thank him for it. And yeah, I kinda like the crazed attitude, sue me. Look, straight male mfs will argue how they could "fix" stereotypically beautiful fictional women but will freak out and cry "problematic" when women acknowledge how handsome Aran is. Fuck you straight men, I LOVE ARAN RYAN!!!!

Glass Joe 🇫🇷 🥐

- Do I gotta say anything? Glass Joe has got to be the cutest damn Nintendo character ever, and I mean every word of it. He is sooooo freaking adorable and sexy. Everything about him is either beautiful or cute. I love his hair, his eyes, his adorable French accent, this skinny build which differs and is unique from the other boxers... I love his simple, ordinary life. He chills, loves pastries, he loves his home city. And bro, that black sweater on him... too cute!! But he isn't a straight weakling either. Like, he's not the strongest, but he'd definitely try to defend you if you ever run into trouble. Dates with him would be the sweetest thing, and fucking with him? Utter bliss. I love you so much, Glass Joe. You deserve your fans and your online fangirls.

Great Tiger 🇮🇳 🐅 💜

- Great Tiger is the single most sexiest man ever placed into a Nintendo game. Fucking fight me... he has everything a perfect man would have. He has a gorgeous hourglass body, well groomed facial hair, that beautiful buttery voice (Great Tiger asmr when Next Level Games???), he sings, he dances, he knows magic (which objectively makes sex better, I would know, don't ask), he's powerful, but he's also got a sense of humor... Great Tiger is just perfect. He is absolutely top PO mareiage material, nevermind bae. His only crime is being a difficult fight.

[weeping-statue]

Hello! I was the one that requested Andrew x reader that’s like a grandpa!

I really really liked it, and I was wondering if I could request some more headcanons for Andrew, Norton, Naib, and Antonio with a GN! Reader who’s not very conventionally attractive?

Not ugly or anything, but they definitely don’t fit the standard for beauty and they are just super surprised anyone would seek them out.

Sorry if it’s too many characters! If you need to reduce it, I’m fine with just Andrew and Antonio if that’s okay!

Thank you sm and have an amazing weekend!

OMG HELLO AGAIN!! You have no idea how happy I am to see you in my inbox again<3 I’m glad you liked it and I hope you like this one just as much!

This got really angsty so it’s definitely more of a comfort fic than anything..

This is kinda long, and I was gonna do Norton but I decided last minute not to so.. umm.. yeah. Also fun fact me and Norton share the same zodiac sign..

Uh not proof read..

Andrew, Naib, and Antonio with a not conventionally attractive GN!reader!

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Andrew

He didn’t think you’d appreciate his looks either.

So you’re moderate looking together!

He honestly wholeheartedly believes that he doesn’t deserve you, hot or not, he worships the ground you walk on because you decided to hand your heart over to him.

He can obviously tell your insecure sometimes about your looks

Cause he gets that way too..

But, he tells you he loves you and that your beautiful in his eyes, and that’s all that matters <3

So when he catches you looking in the mirror, disgusted to no end, he puts his nervousness aside and takes action.

“Ew.”

That’s all you could think. You’ve been pulling and prodding at your face for what felt like hours. No matter how much makeup you throw on you can’t escape being so.. moderate. It’s all you ever are. Why can’t you be something more? Why does everyone else look so good and you’re just the sad little camera man? Never destined to be on stage, in the light with the others, like you deserve.

The one thing you’re good at, is your pathetic job. And even then, you’re sure others would succeed at it more if they tried.

Eyes glance down at the used makeup wipe in your hand. Further tracking to the open lipsticks, and eyeshadow palettes. And a deep sigh escapes you, why do you even try? It’s not like it matters.

Then you start to wonder if maybe, just maybe, you were a last resort. Your not pretty, your not stunning-

Cough

Andrew stands behind you, coughing to get your attention, while watching you, his eyes filed with pity.

You really didn’t hear him come in, and it startled you. How long has he been standing there? Did he hear you? Most likely..

You start to explain, “Andrew, it’s not what it looks like, I’m just-”

But he cuts you off, “No, I.. I know what you’re thinking. What you’re doing. I know that look all too well. I just didn’t think I’d have to see you wear it.”

“What-?” You began again, but he shakes his head, walking up to you, hesitantly reaching out to you with his shaky nimble fingers. Pulling you into a hug, that felt almost.. forced. But it was comforting either way. He takes a deep breath steeling himself for what he’s about to say, and then blurts out,

“Being, what I am, has always been unsavory in my eyes. I’ve grown too comfortable with the common look of disgust that sometimes I show it to myself. But that changed when I met you, you helped show me a new way to look at myself. I just never assumed you’d feel the same way I did. Even though others may not think you’re gorgeous, at least I do. You’re like an angel. My angel.”

…

Wow.. he really just said all of that? For you? And meant it? He really does love you..

———————————————————————-

Naib

He’s a man of very few words.

So instead he shows it in actions!

He’s not much to look at either in his opinion, he’s more of a scarred, battle harden, shell shocked, soldier, that definitely has survivors guilt.

Instead of Andrew’s reason of not deserving you, he believes that he’s just a used up broken man that should be dead with the rest of his platoon. But this wonderful person in his life is a sign that maybe he should stick around.

You’ve given him meaning to live, so for that, he’s forever grateful. And that means, he loves you more than anything. Looks don’t matter as much to him as you’d think, so when he sees you going quiet and distancing he knows how to fix this.

He hadn’t seen you all day, except for breakfast, when you grabbed a piece of toast, kissed his head and said a quick “I love you.”

He knows you more than you think, so he understood why you were upset.

Which is why he begs one of the survivors who can actually cook well, to make your favorite dish. Basically making a care package for you and giving you a letter that decently tells you that you’re perfect the way you are and that he loves you.

With the care gift done he shyly makes his way to your room, avoiding other people knowing that he’s gone soft.

He gently knocks on your door, waiting for you to open. And when he’s greeted with your tired form he awkwardly hands it to you.

Mumbling, “I know you weren’t feeling well today. And since I’m no good with words I thought this would make up for my lack of them. If you’d like me to stay, and listen, or just be here with you, then just let me know.”

A small smile grows on your face and that causes him to let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. He was so worried that you’d slam the door in his face or worse, hate it.

You open the door further to let him in, “do you think I could get some cuddles?”

This is what the note would say,

“Dear, ____

This took me hundreds of try’s but I think this is the one. I know what it’s like to be insecure, and even though that’s hard to admit, I’ll admit it for you. I love you, so much, and even though looks don’t matter to me, I find you to be absolutely lovely. Anyone who says differently is blind and doesn’t know what they’re missing out on. I’m so lucky to have you.

Sincerely,

Naib.”

———————————————————————-

Antonio

…

Look at him..

REALLY LOOK AT HIM..

HES GOT A DEVIL IN HIM AND AGSHSHDB

Yeah he’s a cutie, but umm.. come on now..

He knows that he Lowkey got fucked up and maybe the face card don’t hit like it used to but hey, at least you appreciate him anyways..

Antonio definitely will just smother you in kisses and will not let go until you agree you’re beautiful, and you have to mean it.

Antonio has you wrapped in his hair and confined to bed, lanky arms wrapped around you as he kisses your face.

You groan, “Hey! It’s been three hours! Let me go! I have things to do!”

Antonio continues his pecks, saying in between, “Nope, not until you say it.”

After a few more minutes of brooding silence, you cave, “Fine! I’m beautiful. Are you happy?”

He pauses, and frowns, “Do you mean it?”

…

Did you?

If he thinks you are, then you have to be? Right?

“Yeah. Yeah, I do.”

Another kiss is placed but this time more gently and lovingly on your lips. The hair gently untangles from your body and his arms loosen.

———————————————————————-

Idk if you can tell that this is rushed, just a bit. But I’m not sure I like this one.. I hope you enjoyed it anyways!

[the-goya-jerker]

Immersion (Piss Christ) by Andres Serrano requested by @nintheyeblinder

This piece is part of a series by Serrano including other classical statues submerged in various liquids (blood, milk, etc.)

It is not, despite what some believe, anything against Christ or the religion that follows him. Instead Serrano had this to say about it:

"What it symbolizes is the way Christ died: the blood came out of him but so did the piss and the shit. Maybe if Piss Christ upsets you, it's because it gives some sense of what the crucifixion actually was like...I was born and raised a Catholic and I've been a Christian all my life."

And listen, I'm not into piss. (I also feel like Serrano should have been drinking more water when he made this piece in the 80's, but I digress). But I think that's a cool fucking sentiment. It's one I do agree with, despite not being any form of Christian. Death is fucking ugly. You shit yourself, you piss yourself, it's gross. And you know what, that isn't because death is unique either. Birth is gross, there's blood, the birthing parent is probably gonna shit themselves and not even know. Humans are gross in general. We're nasty creatures.

Too often in our modern hyper-sanitized culture we try to distance ourselves from the aspects of our nature that repulse us. Death, aging, sickness. You cannot so much as discuss piss without someone making some comment about piss kinks, essentially raising the accusation of what they perceive to be sexual deviance in order to shut you up.

To the surprise of none of you, I am sure, I think this is awful. Our distance from death alienates us from our own mourning. Our revulsion at aging has ten year old girls creating half hour skincare routines to manage wrinkles. I think in talking about humans, which Jesus was, we should not be so distant from the topic of piss and shit. In talking about human death we shouldn't refuse to admit that the human will piss and shit themselves. Jesus, the super duper holy figure of Christianity, would have pissed and shit himself! That's nasty, that sucks! But it's true! If you feel uncomfortable with that and you're Christian maybe you haven't considered the suffering crucified people faced in the Roman Empire. If he's your savior, why would you refuse to sit with that?

I think this is a lovely devotional piece. I love a good devotional piece... I do keep thinking about the smell of that piss though, man. And I keep thinking about Serrano's hydration...

Ultimately, it's not my vibe, but if I don't look at the picture and I meditate on the actual meaning, it is kinda hot. It kinda makes me wish I was Christian. Or into piss.

3/10

[sage-way]

ready? this will be long lol

so, idk how much you know about the maruders so ill explain a lot.

also the fandom does not know what happy is (im only half joking)

so, the marauders are the remus lupin, a werewolf who was a teacher at hogwarts for about a year, James Potter, Harry potter's dad, Sirius Black, harry potter's god father who was accused of killing james and lily, and Peter Pettigrew, the person who actually murdered/sold out james and lily

sirius is an animagus is a black dog, james is a deer, and peter is a rat. they all illegally became animagus to help remus during full moons.

everyone in the fandom hates jrk and canon is a suggestion.

other people in the fandom:

lily evans (potter)- gryffendor, redhead, smart, ummm akdlf;askdl i love lily sm. my friend says im like lily (right afer james). she died very young during the first wizarding war protecting harry

marlene mckinnon- Gryffindor - i want to be her- very much badass, eyeliner, idgaf, she is a queen. her and sirius are similar vibes. i like to thing she taught sirius how to do eyeliner and braid hair. probably got him to wear a skirt and made sure remus saw. remus was very much in gay panic

evan roiser- Slytherin. he is like barty but kinda level headed? - very chaotic and a little crazy but hes more calculated.

barty crouch jr. - where do i start? he is crazy. he was abused by his father and will do anything to go against his father. he is crazy smart when he wants to be. hes crazy be we love that for him. he is either a slytherin or ravenclaw- personally like slytherin better but am down for a ravenclaw headcanon

pandora lovegood or rosier - evan's twin - ravenclaw - she is smart and can be quiet but her and reggie (omg i havennt mentioned him yet?!?!?!) are besties. she can see glimpses of the futuer- a seerer i think.

REGGIE- regulus black - also known as R.A.B. - syltherin - he is a mama's boy. he - i love him. he writes sad boy poetry. he died for nothing which is sad. he is very angsty and is friends with Evan and Barty and Pandora and Remus and Dorcas. his unofficial animagus is a black cat because he is the embodiment of a black cat.

we love how i havent talked much about the main four- im extied to talk about everyone else lol

next!

dorcas meadowes - slytherin - if feminine rage was a person/queen-she will stand to what she believes in. she is sassy and we love her.

OH! mary mcdonald - Gryffindor - she is sassy - chappell roan is her queen and idol - she-i think - is the least known character and like named got mentioned once but didnt give her lore.

maruaders hehe - they all are gryffindors

remus lupin - name translates to wolf john wolf. he is a book nerd. people with chronic pain relate to him a lot. grandpa sweaters he lives in grandpa sweaters. he is either head canonned as the hotest person in hogwarts or super ugly and only sirius thinks he is super hot

Sirius Black - regulus black's brother - lots of bother angst -- leather jacket - he lives in a leather jacket. he is masculine in a feminine way if that makes since

peter Pettigrew - he is terrible because jkr fucked up a redemption ark and the fact he killed his best friends and blames another one of his best friends to leave his other best friend alone to deal with full moons alone - could go on a very angry rant about that - he is very much left out a lot becuase of what he did but he doesnt desserve that. he is forgotten and just wants some attention. he is also very funny and makes the best side jokes. he is in the marauders for his ability to sneak around and be quiet.

JAMES POTTER - JAMIE - anyway.... he is amazing. he is the sunshine. he is all smiles and outgoing and doesnt think too much about his actions. but- he is also depressed becuase he never puts himself first.

also lots of people- including me- hate snape

we all hate albus dumbledor

now that introductions are out of the way....

ships!! this is were you will think im crazy

also some random people will pop up here and there (lockeart)

first the ship that started it all - Wolfstar- sirius x remus. wolf for remus being a werewolf and star because sirius is names after a star. they are basically canon and the only person who cant see it is jkr and harry potter cause he is oblivious. there is a song written after them- look up wolfstar song

jily - james and lily - it is just their names combined. james asked for years for lily to go out with him and she finally said yes

jegulus - or starchaser or sunseeker - james and regulus. star because regulus is named after a star and chase because that is the position james plays in quidditch. sun because james is the embodiment of the sun and seeker because that is regulus's quidditch position. it is annoyances to lovers, in love with best friend's brother, opposites attract. started out as a joke/crack ship and is now one of the most popular ships in the fandoms

jegulily - james x lily x regulus - its jily and jegulus kinda combined and i love it and i cant explain why I love it so much.

rosekiller - @boba-pearl gets me more and more in love with them everyday. and please lets be sirius serous about this for a sec /lh -- rose because evan's last name is rosier and killer because barty kills people- cant make this shit up lmao. they are insane and i love them so much. they just kinda work. they balance eachother out- evan makes sure barty doesnt accidently kills himself and barty makes sure evan is living life a little on the edge

party - salem is the best (the person who created this ship) it is barty x peter - its their names combined. i have so many feelings about them but i have even more about the next one

partyvan!!! - (again salem is the best) its party x peter x evan!! its all crack but a lot of it comes from them all being death eaters and barty and evan giving peter the attention he always wanted. they all are freaks and its a time

cant belive i mentioned partyvan before any girl ships

mary x lily - dont know ship - just marylily - they are queens and we love them

it just deleted my paragraph about dorlene- adjlkjsldfsdjlfksdlf;sdflksdfj - twice now... ahhhhh. my mouse pad thing is going crazy

dorlene - dorcas x marlene and i love them- i want their relation ship. they are "forbidden lovers" because their houses are "rivals"

pandalily - they - aldfjdkfjdllk - its pandora x lily and i love it. its not that big but its getting bigger

my descriptions are getting so vague becuase i have no reason why i love them i just do.

now... this one is kinda wild and is recent

gildorat - peter x gildoroy lockheart. it started when Isabelle made a video. we love her too. they have cologne beef- lockheart is gatekeeping his cologne from peter and peter is trying his best to find out what it is.

i wanna now talk about black brother angst

so their parents are horrible and not great at all. so much so that sirus ran away and got burned off the family tree. he moved in with the potters. but, he left regulus. regulus then got mad about it and the angst around it is sooo sad. but sometimes they reunite- mainly with jegulus involved (which sometimes when jegulus is a secret and sirius finds out- he calls james a brother-fucker)

also, sirius and regulus are technically brothers and cousins.... the black family is very much into pure blood stuff.

also i didnt talk much about Narssica or Rita or Bellatrix or andromita

i love them all but i still am not that knowledged about them? i need to read more fics with them and stuff

fanfic :D

there are billions of fanfiction but some stand out

all the young dudes by MsKingBean89 started it mostly. it goes from i think marauder's year one to when i think remus or peter die

crimson rivers by bizarrestars - it is a hunger games au and im 26/75 chapters an ive cried soooo many times

art heist baby - idk who wrote it - idk much about it

just lovers is also a popular one - again dont know much about it.

theres others that i just dont know off the top of my head.

also fanfilms are sooo popular

theres Mischief productions what was amazing until it fell through- the person who was writting the script for their big film used ai to write parts of the script and the actors didnt find out until the last day of filming. all the actors are amazing and didnt deserve that

also the rise of the order is an amazing production and their series on youtube is amazing and has i think 5 episodes

a casa mia studios is an amazing couple that has a series going on right now! and its just the two doing everything together and i love them sm - their cosplays are amazing

also famous cosplayer- andy and eef/ethan - whataboutandy and p4perback - they do wolfstar and are sooo sooo talented and so cute together

if you made it to the end, thank you so much, ive been typing for about an hour and a half - @boba-pearl got me into this and i love them for is smm

this fandom is why i am now kinda obsessed with space

thank you sooooooooo much for listening - hopefully this makes since- please ask questions if you have any!!!

W O L F S T A R

this was wonderful!!!! Thank youuuuu

10/10 explanation

1000/10 recommendations

I fell asleep and didn’t answer cause I was asleep

ooOOooOoOo and I learned things!!

amazing

[osamucide]

16 18 and 23 for either dazai or akutagawa or both whatever makes you happy to answer most i couldn't decide 💕

i’m sending you a smooch over the digital highways that connect us………….s/i lore droppers unite

16. Who hogs the covers?

between RYU and me it’s definitely him but in the cute way, you know? i think he’s always a little chilly… maybe i need to start a hc list for him too seeing how much i’ve come to love him this year. one of them would definitely be that he runs cold. i run warm so im more than glad to give up the covers/let my feet poke out if it means he’s more comfortable. in his quiet consideration though (another hc id have is that where he doesn’t prefer to express his love verbally/phsyically, he will through acts of service.. like letting me have some blankets lol) he definitely monitors himself in the winter

between OSAMU and me it’s also him but NOT in the cute way. he just doesn’t gaf. he runs cold too (see my anemia hc for him lol) but he straight up hogs shamelessly and ungratefully and acts cute and coy if i try to ask for some back. i will get up and grab an extra blanket from the couch or closet or something and he will GO OUT OF HIS WAY to add it to his burrito. sometimes if im lucky i can convince him to let me inside the burrito before he makes it but then i get hot and sweaty and that’s not fun for either of us because then he has to let me out OR i have to suck it up and be sweaty. (my arm usually gets trapped in it anyway so he can cling)

18. What are they like when they're drunk? How do they act together? & when 1 is drunk, while the other one's sober?

RYU can’t hold his alc (i think this is either canon, based on irl akutagawa, or both). one shot + one cocktail MAX and then he’s done. composure, restraint, cool-guy facade is down after two or three drinks and then he starts rambling and rambling and chatting and rambling about the most random shit. all those inside thoughts he so obviously keeps to himself? “why’s that guy looking at you weird.” “it’s too fucking hot in here does anyone know how to work a thermostat.” “that is the ugliest fucking dress i’ve ever seen.” just doesn’t stop. the filter’s off. unintentionally really funny.

when he’s drunk/im sober, it’s probably just me wheezing at him while he dissects some aspect of culture or politics or history or whatever while i shoo him toward the door and tell people i need to get him home because he’s gna be vomming in approximately a half hour. you’d think blacked-out akutagawa just popped a xan. birds circling around his head while he sways in a circle and goes on incoherently about something he definitely shouldn’t be talking sbout.

when i’m drunk/he’s sober, he is ANNOYEEEEED. or he acts like it. i think he’s the kind of guy to secretly be endeared when his s/o gets all cute and drunk. and me personally… i do as much drunk bitch shit as the next guy. i try to get him to dance with me. i get all cuddly and hang all over him and tell him he’s so pretty and im in love with him and crap. he’s like “no” but he gives in if i’m insistent enough. if i stumble/fall/do some dumb shit he TOTALLY laughs at me. acts of service-love style kicks in if i’m super hammered. waves me out of the clerb looking all irritated and then we’re home and he’s like “i got you water and a piece of bread and a bucket in case you need to throw up don’t lay on your back wake me if you need anything don’t take any advil until the morning” etc etc. dotes. and no one believes me

when we’re both drunk…….i enable him. he’s like “that dress is ugly” and i’m like “yah you’re right it’s atrocious” and he’s like “i’m gonna go tell that guy to quit looking at you or i’ll shit his pants” and i’m like “yah baby get em” and he’s like “it’s too hot to breathe in here” and i’m like “yah we’re so leaving a bad yelp review” (whether or not we follow through on these things usually depends if either of us can confidently walk in a straight line)

neowwww OSAMU and i drunk… i truly feel bad for everyone in the vicinity LOL. i think he can hold his liquor well; i can too, but on the off chance we’re not drinking together we individually just get kind of sad and silly. i don’t know if i should even consider separate scenarios here because i really cannot imagine a situation in our relationship in which one of us would be drinking and the other isn’t. he can’t drive his ass is not dd’ing. i am notoriously known to call an uber no it does not matter that there’s 74 cents in my bank account. we’re seeing who can drink the other under the table (there is never a definite answer). we’re waterfalling shots into each other’s mouths. we’re dancing very badly. we’re laughing ourselves to tears when the other trips and stumbles. we’re making out in the bathroom. we’re having a stupid conversation outside that we think is philosophical just because we’re smoking a cigarette over it. we’re wondering if the uber driver will stop at taco bell for us on the way home. we’re challenging each other to pool (he beats me every time). we’re hitting kind stranger’s vapes. his arm’s around my shoulder and mine’s around his waist and we shut the fucking bar down every time we go out. it’s probably kind of concerning to onlookers. we’re a little messy but we have fun! we kiki. he matches my alcoholism freak

23. Who initiates cuddling more?

between RYU and me……….. me hands down. but we accommodate each other. if im in a cuddly mood, he’ll usually concede. if he’s in an “ew don’t touch me” mood, i’ll back off. these extremes would die down over the course of our relationship, i think. eventually we’d end up like 60/40 me/him initiating

i think it’s pretty 50/50 between me and OSAMU. our “ew don’t touch me” moods seem to be a lot more in sync/equilibrium than me and ryu’s.

[ohanny]

what kind of drunks would the pit babe characters be

babe - the hot girl. he acts all cool and sits there in his leather jacket, being hotter than anyone. his drinks also aren't half as strong as he let's people believe because there's nothing attractive about a sloppy drunk. if he's forced to take multiple shots, he will quietly walk to the bathroom to give himself a drunk girl pep talk in front of the mirror.

charlie - the sober one. he doesn't drink, period. he actually hates the taste. he was destined to be the designated driver (yay, cars!) and the mom friend (sometimes this makes him wish he did drink because fucking hell, he is friends with actual gremlins).

way - the professional. he's on his tenth shot of vodka at the bar, chasing them with a whiskey and coke, mumbling “weak” at the people who started acting up after their third drink.

pete - the crier. he's a nice guy working in a high stress environment, okay? on the rare occasions he gets completely wasted, he will see a particularly artfully arranged napkin dispenser and burst into tears because life is just so beautiful, you know? and it really is unfair how much shit all of them have had to endure!

north - the social butterfly. drunk north knows the lyrics to every song ever written. at the end of the night he has like 50 new instagram followers, he's helped a girl through a break up in the women’s bathroom, he's learned the dj’s mom’s name and might have accidentally agreed into a threesome with a married couple (not that he knew what exactly they were suggesting). he's just pure vibes.

sonic - the instigator. drunk sonic has opinions and no sense of self-preservation. he will walk straight up to the enormous bouncer, get right in his face and go “wow. you're like… really ugly.” on an average night out, he should have died around five times but always gets away unscatched because, like a princess, he gets rescued by people who think he is way too cute to die.

kim - the sappy one. also a total lightweight. will declare his love for you after three beers. give him a shot and he will earnestly look you in the eyes while clutching the hem of your shirt and tell you what a great job you do and how he has always secretly admired you.

kenta - the horny one. he wants, okay? he downright needs. is he going to do anything about it? no. he will sit in some corner, vibrating, stewing in his hormones and if anyone dares to ask him how he's doing, he will look at them and go “do you have any idea what i would let him do to me?” and his smile is so terrifying no one wants any details.

alan - the slutty one. yes, there is a difference. see, alan is a man of action. alan will make it awkward for everyone by sloppily mouthing at jeff’s neck and trying to shove his hand down jeff’s pants on the sidewalk while they wait for charlie to pull up.

jeff - the houdini. he just… disappears. one minute he's there and the next he's gone, only to be discovered three hours later on the roof of a supermarket, feeding chunks of bread to pigeons. either needs a helium balloon tied to his wrist so you can easily spot him in a crowd or an ankle monitor. (was once found in a car, the morning after a frantic search. gave them a sleepy little smile and said “the gps knew where i was.”)

dean - the mute. once he hits his limit, he goes totally nonverbal. just trails behind everyone with a big happy smile and nods his head when asked if he wants to dance / have another drink / make out. super happy to be there.

winner - the big shot. tells everyone he's like the best racer ever and when people who still have critical thinking skills ask for evidence, distracts them buy buying everyone a round of the cheapest shots the bar has to offer. keeps challenging people to arm wrestle despite having noodle arms. finishes the night pissed off, buys two portions of street food and sits down next to a homeless person to share. they always let him talk uninterrupted.

tony - never goes past one glass of wine or whiskey, a lesson he learned the hard way. the first contract he lost back when he was just starting out? he hit the post meeting cocktails a bit too hard and drunk performed whitney houston’s “i will always love you” in karaoke. the humiliation was too much and i fear it really affected his behavior negatively.

[ming-sik]

What are your thoughts about the romance in AOB?

Short answer: it’s bad.

Long answer: 

The main problem with the romance in AoB is that it’s yet another vector through which the ugly blue thing sucking up all the narrative oxygen in the room of the back half of AoB can use to render the protagonist of the story completely narratively inert outside of acting for his benefit or on his orders. Fermyne is a sledgehammer the story uses to make Rozemyne backslide from a deeply flawed but dynamic character with potential to Ferdinand’s submissive child bride who’s sometimes allowed out of her cage to do things that benefit him or that he personally approves.

Myne’s never been a straightforwardly good character, which is actually what I like about her. She’s a hot mess; selfish, arrogant, cowardly, ignorant, bigoted, and mean-spirited, which is great! She has a lot of jagged edges for other characters to catch on and conflict with, and her aggressive personality combined with her cowardice means that she can dish it out but can’t take it even a little which is really funny. She’s never really allowed to reach her full potential because AoB is really bad at actually creating and following through with conflicts so most of her problems are just solved by making her overpowered enough to brute force whatever problem she previously had and at some point she stops having problems that she doesn’t solve immediately, but her potential really tanks when she meets the blue thing.

Ferdinand is the worst character in AoB and it’s not close. He’s massively overpowered in such a way that he resolves most interesting conflict in the story offscreen, the story contrives itself to attribute so much sympathetic tragedy to his backstory and character that it flips right into comedy, the insistence that every character is jealous of his super awesome powers and amazing brain abilities but also he’s the most tortured social outcast ever means that he seems like a self-pitying loser, and most importantly he is NOT FUN. He’s not fun! He’s not funny, in fact he hates characters who are funny and will actively try to prevent them from doing anything funny so he is comedic poison in a story which relies heavily on comedy(he’s not an effective tsukkomi because as the strongest presence in the room he shuts down jokes rather than facilitating them, Benno’s the closest thing the story has to a good tsukkomi because he’s practical but not a killjoy). Why this is a problem with their romance is that he fucking hates Myne so much it’s unreal. He HATES her! He hates that she’s a jokester, he hates that she likes books, he hates that she likes sweets and fish, he hates that she’s not interested in embroidery, he hates that she likes red pandas and Japanese culture, he HATE HATE HATE HATE HATES that she originally has some semblance of a pre-existing worldview that doesn’t conform to his narrow view of common sense… and he never stops hating that! He constantly negs her to the point that it’s a running “joke” that he never praises her unless she’s gotten good grades, which is because outside of her ability to keep up with his “Teaching”(in quotes because he doesn’t really do anything except give her stuff to memorize which is the part you do after you teach someone) he fucking hates everything that this weird girl stands for, does, or is interested in. Fast forward to part 5 volume 12 and he WON’T EVEN LET HER WRITE HER OWN WEDDING VOWS because he’s that worried she’ll write something weird. He hates his fiance so fucking much that the idea of her saying “I like you more than books” instead of a canned generic noble vow is so distasteful to him that he can’t even let her write a draft that Roderick helps with. He doesn’t respect her, either, he deliberately manipulates the situation so that she doesn’t even know they’re engaged so she’s socially pressured to marry him, forces her to choose between him and her family(while saying that he’s going to intentionally force himself into a miserable position if she leaves him so she panics and feels like she has to prevent him from hurting himself), and then also starts crying about how she should be with Lutz after somehow managing to make HER recovering HER memories of the commoners she loves about the fact that he’s sad about his dad(Also confirming that he doesn’t care about anyone outside his dad? Imagine being Hirschur and having stood up to Veronica, losing all support from Ehrenfest for decades so you can continue supporting Ferdinand and sheltering him from his mother, only to find out that you’re so worthless to him that he doesn’t even think of you when he thinks of people who care about him) to also force her to choose him over the single other person he considers a romantic rival in another either/or rather than even entertaining the idea that she could care about both of them equally. And he has to force her because this boring, slimy little pedophile is so incredibly unappealing that the only reason Rozemyne is even really with him is that he’s put her in a position where he’s literally the only person she’s allowed to trust or confide in.

Now you may object to me calling Ferdinand a pedophile because Urano was in her 20s before she died. People who believe this are just gonna ignore anything I say here because despite pretending that they like dark fiction they don’t actually like when the dark topics in fiction are discussed, but also Urano’s age is irrelevant, we are talking about Myne, who has lived almost a decade in the body of a child(not an “””adult coded minor”” or a petite adult, literally the body of a 4-13 year old) in the social position of a child and whose lack of sexual and romantic understanding is specifically mentioned. In the fanbooks Kazuki confirms that Ferdinand does not see Myne as his elder, which makes sense because he’s never even seen what Urano looks like. The oldest he has ever seen her look is 13, the age she is when he forces her to marry him. For most of the story she was or looked, as confirmed repeatedly by the story, prepubescent. The fact that it’s confirmed that he’s sexually and romantically attracted to her in p5v12 means that he’s attracted to 13 year olds. Also in Gretia’s short story it’s revealed that he tracks when every child in Rozemyne’s employ has their sexual awakening, so it’s not just her if you want to split those hairs. Also in part 2 when he’s speaking to Benno(mid-30s) about rumors that he’s currently in a relationship with Myne(age 5) he says that relationships with this age difference are normal, so it’s not just political marriages if you want to split those hairs. The elephant in the room is that some people argue that Rozemyne’s lack of romantic/sexual feelings are indicative of her being aroace or even that Ferdinand and her are a QPR. If you HC this, pay me money. It is specifically stated that Ferdinand is romantically and sexually attracted to Rozemyne, feelings which she does not reciprocate because she doesn’t “understand” romantic love. While many aromantic people phrase their feelings this way, it’s honestly just willful ignorance to pretend like this is epic aro rep and not Rozemyne being characterized as a prepubescent child. The latter is obvious in the way her lack of romantic feelings is described, with a heavy emphasis on her not understanding them and characters repeatedly attributing this to her youth and lack of development. I get that other aro people often describe their feelings as “not understanding” romance and that aro people are often told that they will someday develop romantic feelings and never do, but like. This is a 13 year old being forced into a marriage when she admits that she’s not sure about it and doesn’t understand exactly what’s expected of her. Also, the fact that Ferdinand says she only needs to keep his name stone for two years(until she’s at the minimum age of consent) is outright stating that he does expect her to develop these feelings at some point and is just willing to wait. Also “summoning winter early”, a euphemism for CSA, is treated so lightly by the story that any argument that hinges on this particular relationship being fine because it’s an aroace QPR between a 24 year old and a mentally 22 year old is moot because the story specifically thinks that CSA generally is morally neutral and it’s only bad if a fat ugly guy does it. I’ve already discussed the way Ferdinand grooms Myne outside of a sexual context, ie he overwrites her existing worldview and forces her to conform to his common sense along with putting her in a social position where he’s her doctor, legal guardian, only confidant, and protector so she’s incapable of functioning without him, which I stand by.

I don’t like Ferdinand. I’ve never really liked Ferdinand, initially I found him boring and as the series dragged on and he got both less interesting and more central to the story I turned to actively disliking him, and now I sure fucking hate him. I’m done qualifying that because people interpret any criticism of him like an attack. I was never gonna cheer for him finally getting to fuck that thirteen year old he’s been grooming even if it was the mostly beautifully written prose of all time, so really I’m glad I’m a Ferdinand hater because it means I don’t have to get up every day and lie to people pretending that the engagement ceremony isn’t some of the worst writing in AoB. Honestly I don’t think any of you even think Ferdinand is actually queer, AoB fans are just squeamish enough about supporting canon Fermyne that they try to sanitize it by interpreting it as a queer relationship, in the process conflating aromanticism and pedophilia. 

[mintmatcha]

can u tell us what you didn't like about hazbin hot? I'm not a big musical person so I also tuned out when they started singing lol

Yes lol here's a long ass nonsense rant under the cut.

The creator of the show has done some really racist shit in the past and hides from criticism behind her queerness, but whenever that's brought up, it's immediately shot down and I'm told to separate the art from the artist.

that being said. here's my critique of the show itself.

but hazbin relies so much on material outside of the show. there's things you're supposed to know from twt and tumblr and other sources to make the show make sense. you can't say the show needs to exist in its bubble away from the creator and then make us dependent on the creator for information about the characters.

for me, it's less about "why is a show bad?" and it's more "what makes a show good?". Frankly, I don't think there's anything in this show to make it good.

First off- the show is ugly. The character designs aren't good and often repetitive (suits. same color palettes, same body shapes, etc) The animation itself isn't good either, unfortunately.

We have to stop pretending alastor isn't a crime to character design. He's so ugly. there's almost nothing redeemable about how he looks.

I thought the show itself had one of the weakest plots I've seen. it felt like the first draft of a 14 year old and tried to fit 5 seasons worth of ideas into 8 episodes, so the pacing was just awful. There's no semblance of time passing or real urgency in most episodes because vivziepop was trying to fit in all 50 of her OCs.

example: There was almost no reason for the V's to be in the show-- and the other overlords for that matter. None of them really do anything other than Valentino, who's just there to make Angel's story stronger in this season.

(not to mention Valentino and Vaggie, the series to latinx characters, fall into some fucked up stereotypes)

We are just told this collection of people is strong and scary, but we never really see WHY. It's a waste of time in a crammed show.

That being said, one of the main characters sir pentious had no real weight as a character and had less screen time than some of the nothing characters. Half of alastors time should have been used building him up, including, I dunno. all of episode three. There's no reason to introduce all of those characters other to give alastor the info that an angel has died, right? He's. The radio demon. he should just have some sort of news ability or connections to get him that info. (also that episode makes it really easy to know who killed the angel. there's no mystery to it.)

There are also so many things that simply don't make sense in the show? They are told almost immediately that their plan will not work, so they go to heaven to be told... the same thing.

Vaggie is amazed that angels can be hurt and killed when she is an angel who was hurt and almost killed. (Vaggie and Charlie have a super weak relationship btw. I think it's so poorly done. In a show about sucking dick and cock, it made me roll my eyes that the lesbians have such a pg relationship. how come everyone else gets to be horny other than the lesbians? Because its harder to fetishize? )

the ending was just. awful. Lucifer won the fight without that much of a struggle. It feels like he could have just done that. whenever.

Im going to get murdered for saying this but the songs aren't good, they just have a killer vocal cast. the backing music sucks every time.

[domesticated-whores]

list of reasons why i kin angel dust

absolutely nobody asked or cares, and it absolutely goes into headcanon & projecting territory, but it's my void and i can scream into it how i please, so--

also, tiny note, i am loose and casual with kinning. i'm just saying heavily relate to the point that i can easily see myself parallel that character.

gay femboy supremacy 💅💅

nice tits (his are fluff, i'm transmasc and am too fem to care to go into debt over physical transition... either way, we got soft titties)

wearing pleasers ✨️exclusively✨️ (i also wear demonias, but they're owned by pleasers)

earlier iterations of him were more genderfluid but he's now canonly a cis man, i use to think i was more genderfluid due to being super fem (presenting) sometimes and being just meh about my body but am now confident that i'm just a really genderqueer trans dude.

doesn't overly mind fem language, *sometimes* intentionally uses it. refers to self decently androgynously (alternating between "fem" and "masc" shit)

pet mama 💕

my cats are my babies, i'd die and kill for them, genuinely one of the only lights in my life

animal lover in general, honestly!! babes, they're so fucking cute!!

i also prefer fucking ugly/weird animals like farm animals, trash animals (possums, raccoons, etc), some reptiles, and spiders

spiders are my very favorite creatures, so yeah i fw the spider character

overworked at a shitty job that there's no real way out of

like, i didn't sell my soul ig but i live in a small area and don't drive, and my cats need food and a roof over their little baby noggins, so mama needs a job no matter the cost

also, TOXIC fucking work environment. not comparable to workplace abuse, but FUCK--

and i ✨️ain't doing that shit sober✨️ bbgirl, i DRINK because of that place.

((that's a half-truth, i don't go TO work drunk because i am not subtle, but the instant i'm out and have any money--))

i also work A LOT, honestly. icky, nasty, 'sgusting.

✨️inferiority complex and heavy masking✨️

feet are weird, i especially hate my own

don't touch my feet, don't look at my feet, if anyone's around imma be in socks or smth, feet are a hard no for me

let's 👏 talk 👏 kink 👏

into bdsm and generally kinky shit

✨️ SUPER sex positive ✨️

growing collection of ✨️toys✨️ that i'm becoming increasingly proud of

it's a part of life, so i really don't see any taboo in fucking??

willing to try almost ANYTHING if i stand to gain from it or just to see if i'm into it

✨️ switch ✨️

PRAISE ME

... or, alternatively DEGRADE ME

on the regular, i just want to feel safe and loved and lowkey spoiled--

but i also fuck HARD with the spicy stuff

honestly, hardcore things are more professional than intimate

((i don't do sw, but i am into kink in a very nerdy, special interest, academic type of way... fuck me so i can write an essay about the dynamics at play, daddy~!))

on that note,, ✨️ trauma ✨️

specifically, sa :)

sa that really changes how you see and use sex, and how you outwardly PRETEND to see and use sex

being manipulated by someone you cared about in some way

((luckily, mine was short-lived... only the aftermath was long-lasting))

there's also family trauma :)

the idea of going no contact--

i kin people that are no/low contact because FUCK~ it's a lovely concept. i personally can't for... reasons... but if i could

will make the cheap-shot sex joke

i vape only the fruitiest bullshit flavors and, like, rip angel you would have loved this straw-blueberry vape with this funky abstract art on it bby

that's just, like, off the top of my head. idk, idk. he's literally me. not on everything, but he's the character i've related to the hardest in a HOT SECOND.

also, love the fact that all of this is true but also valentino is my fucking all time favorite character and my pfp. like, i look at angel and am hit with most deep and profound sense of "this is a character a that i relate to and see myself in to an insane degree" and then i turn around and see his fucking abuser and, with my FULL fucking chest go "scrumbly wittle bpd princess man 💕, i wuvs him 💕, i couldn't fix him but i could break him and mold him into my little disaster housewife 💕" like a fucking insane person. it's fine, it's fine, their literally cartoons!! i'm delulu about drawings!! it's okay!!

[cwarscars]

I'm tossing three at you-

✍ Favorite thing about writing the muse?

😒 Is there anything canon about your muse that you ignore?

⌨ What’s a situation you’ve always wanted to RP with the muse? 

Mun talks about the Muse

✍ Favorite thing about writing the muse?

i love writing a character so different than myself - like, not to be arrogant but i don't really see myself as a very nasty person (lol). i really am super chill, maybe dangerously laid-back and side by side with heidegger, we don't have much in common ( maybe our confidence at times c.c ). I love getting to write this character who is so much more than me - like, he's an older man who has experienced wars, battle, the world. he's powerful, in charge. he's like one of the TOP dogs. i find that so fascinating to write.

not just the social / status side of his character though but also his personality. i have a really good time looking at him and breaking him down. why does he do that? why does he do this?

i know a lot of people look at heidegger and just see an evil guy. they see a moustache twirling villain who isn't worth even bothering to look into. i lowkey see it as a challenge. like, as far as i'm concerned - if people are willing to see sephiroth as so much, they should be willing to pay mind to the other villains, too. a lot of the time, people don't because they aren't 'hot'. but i genuinly enjoy fleshing him out for me / my writing partners. everything i get right or that is like increased upon by square is a blessing and it always warms my heart.

it's also a lot of fun writing a villain. sometimes, i have situations where i am desperate to make heidegger do the good thing. but he wont and i know he wont. so when i write it, i have to challenge myself to make him do the bad thing. i have to find his reasons, his justification. i cant just half ass and either discharacterise him by saying 'aw no he does the super sweet thing' or be lazy and say 'hes just a bad lad lol', i have to actually work out WHY he's doing the shitty thing. i just love having that complexity when writing. it can be very tiring but it feels super rewarding.

😒 Is there anything canon about your muse that you ignore?

hmmmm, i don't think so. i know some people may look at my heidegger and believe it's solely based off of the remake but he isn't! i tie elements from before crisis and the original in there too! i suppose you could say i ignore his design in the original - i don't see him being so portly, personally. but i do subscribe to the idea that heidegger would have a bit of a tummy; i see his build as being the typical former athlete who no longer works out as much kinda body, y'know?

but personality wise, i like to think i retain as much from his character as i can. all of the ugly included! his scenes in before crisis where he fucks up the turks / army, i explain as being due to an alcohol addiction / incompetence caused by this. and for the most part, remake has followed how he is in the original fairly closely.

a couple of things i carry from the original that haven't been shown / explored in the remake are

the idea that heidegger is beyond stressed due to having take over multiple departments within shinra ala soldier, turks, science department. this is talked about in the og, but not in remake. though i suspect part 3 may touch on it when hojo goes fully rogue. i love the idea of the stress slowly killing him lol

in the original, when the group go to the northern crater - heid's the only one who doesn't leave the highwind. i made a whole-ass story line about how he's lowkey afraid of the northern crater, it's like his biggest fear haha.

generally, although people may see me shitpost A LOT - i like to keep the character as close to canon as i possibly can.

one thing i do want to note on here is sexuality - as i know people would debate me on my choice to make him bisexual. i've always said i dont really write him as openly bisexual, he just kinda is. powerwash sim, arguably, made a point when he randomly comments on sephiroth being good looking. personally, i do think anyone can call someone good looking without it meaning a thing but yo, i'm using it as a point in my reasoning for his sexuality. :D his sexuality though ultimately stemmed from the idea that a man that looks like that has GOT to be hitting up the gay leather scene at least once in a while

⌨ What’s a situation you’ve always wanted to RP with the muse?

*fear and hunger empty scroll* -

o lord give young heid

i have been wanting a young heidegger thread for 84 yrs now. i have SO much of his backstory fleshed out and i made sure (somewhat) it all ties in the ffvii timeline / world. i just want to do anything from heidegger in his mid 40s below. i've written some awesome stuff with people before set with heid in his 40s and would love to explore that and below.

thing is, i write him as being similar but so different back then - he's got the same edge though slightly duller. honestly, he's just a little nicer.

otherwise, i would be so incredibly gangster for a hardcore bdsm smut thread. no cap - it's something i've always wanted to explore but am EXTREMELLLYYYY like picky about how to go about it. not everybody has the same limits in terms of writing, triggers etc and i'd HATE myself if i crossed a boundary with someone so i'd have to ensure the other person was comfortable / everything was chill / what limits heid could push etc. but i'd find something like that fascinating to write!

[m1ckeyb3rry]

Manifesting you get a bfb Karasu equivalent soon!! Trust all these randos are just preparing you for the real deal dw dw!!! But also LOL OK that’s good I can imagine the insane lore developments that come from your hangouts LMAO expanding the miraverse irl edition

LMAOOO yk aikus hit rock bottom when he’s asking Niko of all people for advice…but y/n and snuffy having a relationship like Lorenzo and snuffy have is so cute…I stand by snuffy on top as coach though but anyways this series would actually be so hilarious

This is so funny because you take two ends of the spectrum with playboy aiku and then losers Hiori and Rin and hopefully their ideas would even out to get someone normal….but yeah there’s no way either of them would go to aiku of all people LMAO the blind leading the blind truly HAHA

Ohhh yeah that’s right…Lowk I never understood that because I wasn’t under the impression that when like his entire class confessed to him that they did so solely because of soccer? Wtv ig middle school drama or something but tbh I thought it was more of his face card pulling than anything else so uh…I need one of those goofy trivia tidbits kaneshiro please I need to know…you’re right though there’s no way karasus considered ugly since he did pull Marisa…hm….also agreed if Raichi just shut up he’d be cool so maybe he only screams on field/in soccer mode??? LMAO but those four getting zero really shocks me like…ok yeah I think Isagi is not super interesting but you’re telling me NO ONE in the bllkverse wanted your average sweet boy (ig??)??? Like I’m surprised that he pulled absolutely no one given his rather easy going personality off field…maybe everyone just thinks like us though LOL

NAGI ISAGI DUO >>> I love them too Lowk nagi has so many interesting duo combos…but KIYORA THOUGHTS I was honestly not expecting that one trust I will be giggling when I see the irl miraverse Easter eggs

Ok but the gagamaru fic was so cute??? Him running and knocking on the window scaring the shit out of reader is so on brand for him too LMAOO another Mira W

That kiyora summary line goes hard….Im not a hardcore kiyora fan but when the reader isn’t normal you know that’s when the fic is gonna serve (this is reminding me about our convo on hollyhock LOL)

- Karasu anon

LMAOO no the hangouts always go crazy…plenty of opps created and situations developed…but it is what it is 🙂‍↕️ HAHA one day we will find someone fr but until then i shall content myself w writing abt silly little fictional men 🤩

no literally like aiku’s sobbing to niko and niko is just like ??? bro i’m 15??? LMAOO that poor guy ironically i bet it’s niko’s advice that makes him realize what’s going on because if even NIKO is saying smth then yk it’s bad…like oh man even the kid realizes i’m in love w her maybe i actually am 😭 and YESSS snuffy number one coach easily (although in terms of actual player development it’s lowkey chris prince he just got stuck w reo and nagi in their emo era but he’s helped chigiri mega slay so obv he’s doing smth right) i think it would be so cute if snuffy is like her fun adopted uncle or smth like maybe she knew lorenzo beforehand so when snuffy helps lorenzo out he helps her by extension?? so when snuffy’s like hear me out this aiku kid isn’t that bad and lorenzo is like facts she’s just like umm okay ig i’ll give it a shot??

HAHAHA hiori and rin vs aiku and otoya literally two opposite ends of the spectrum…take the average and you get karasu and yukimiya (definitely d1 piners but at the same time like they’ll do what they have to and actually ask a girl out without taking ridiculous measures to do so 😭)

no literally maybe it’s just because he became so unfriendly/closed off that everyone just felt awkward around him?? like oh chigiri is the emo one so no one wanted to give him a valentine…or maybe he was actively in rehab and barely at school back then 🤔 HAHA karasu is def that guy that’s actually hot but he doesn’t realize it and thinks he’s mid just based on what we know abt him 😭 i feel like people are probably intimidated by him which is why he didn’t get that many valentines or anything…like bro is def lowkey scary even though we know he’d never be a jerk to a girl i can def see girls seeing him be his typical mischievous jackass self and just being too scared to approach him 😓 LMAOO honestly raichi is probably more chill off field/with girls so ig i can see how he got valentines?? but yeahhh idk how isagi didn’t get ANY 😰 like WE think he’s a loser but i feel like in-verse he’s quite chill and pretty tall/athletic so how did he get NO girls?? i can see why bachira didn’t since he was canonically bullied and a loner and ig i can see why nagi didn’t since he’s apparently cursed 😭⁉️ but yeah isagi not even getting one is crazy…ig bllk girls are on the miraverse wavelength in that sense (i wish it said how many chocolates barou got because i can see him getting 0 as well or getting like a fair amount there’s really no in between)

NAGI AND ISAGI >>> second selection is literally my fav because those two are sooo good together i hope they’re reunited soon i lowkey find them more fun than nagi and reo 😓 nagi and barou both make every duo they’re in actively better (which is why their duo is the best) we love them for that…pls i wasn’t expecting kiyora thoughts from a nagi + isagi edit either like it was so random??? but when inspiration strikes ig…i guess that “vague kiyora prompt” entry in my notes app got to me fr 😭 i hope the person who requested it is okay with the direction i take it?? they literally just asked for a kiyora fic which could be anything so praying they don’t hate what i do with it 😩

LMAOO it was the best way i could incorporate what they asked for while still retaining that comedic flair that i tend to use in shorter fics 😵 i feel like gagamaru is one of those characters that’s hard to keep in character because he doesn’t have much of a character in the source material so any expansion feels like i’m taking too many liberties (currently the problem i’m facing w kiyora…like i’m making this up as i go because there’s literally nothing on him even in the wiki so it feels like i’m being way too inventive with how he’d react to situations but it’s just that there isn’t much to go off of??)

I LOVEEE WRITING NOT NORMAL READERS but ik not everyone enjoys them + this reader kind of has a strong character to really play off of how i’m writing kiyora which again not everyone really likes so fingers crossed the anon isn’t like WTF is this because that would be so embarrassing…hollyhock reader is definitely a little/lot worse than this reader though she’s on another level fr 😭

[zalrb]

the summer i turned pretty 1x05 review -- if i can't have conrad there's always jere

Belly, I'm sure they gave you a schedule. You knew there was going to be dancing.

Also details like Belly is seemingly fine with Nicole stepping in to be her dance partner during rehearsal but she should feel if not guilty then at least awkward around her so she almost kissed Conrad.

This is why Taylor says that you're self-absorbed and don't care about anyone else, Belly.

Also, it's wild to me that your best friend will have that conversation with you and then you proceed to make a woman's funeral about yourself. Where is the self-reflection?

Like you were all "omg what am I going to text Conrad, what emoji should I put with my text" and you're just ... dancing with Nicole?

And anons want to ask why we hate Belly when we've liked messy teens before? SERENA HAD MORE SHAME. SERENA. And Serena had moments, man, where it was just like, I don't know why you're mad at Blair, you slept with her boyfriend.

"Does Jere take anything seriously?" "Yeah, food and flirting" SOUND JEALOUS, STEVEN

Every time Jeremiah is supposed to be extroverted and fun-loving and charming, I'm just like

Conrad, you MUST know that Nicole would be where Belly is since she was a deb and you took her to the deb ball last summer.

I also like the blatant advertisement for Alexa.

You two are terrible. NICOLE IS RIGHT THERE.

Then Conrad texting Belly and Belly grinning with Nicole right there?

"You think I was just a petty fuck." "You're hotter than he is." She's not wrong. All of these pretty Black women/women of colour (and girls) and these basic to ugly white men (and boys) on TV. It needs to be stopped.

"If Shayla called you right now" -- jealous boyfriends.

Nicole is the one who's being played hot and cold.

Jeremiah telling her to bring him to a Frank Ocean concert knowing that he likes Belly is not fair to her, like in terms of the drama that would cause with Conrad and Belly, I don't care because they're both being terrible but Nicole does not deserve this.

"I mean we grew up together so I always thought of her as this little kid but now ... she's not." a) that sounds way creepier than intended like some Jacob and Renesmee shit b) they honestly should've done more to indicate that he's really seeing her now. Like I obviously know he's supposed to because of all the dialogue around how she's pretty now from everyone else and "omg Belly you look SO hot" in a simple, cutesy floral tank top but I mean if it's going to be Annie and Jeff then be Annie and Jeff.

Of course Annie and Jeff actually had tension

At least be Josh and Cher

COME ON, MAN.

"I'm bummed but I'll be fine" because Belly is terrible.

Cam does not deserve the lyrics to this song he was nothing but NICE to Belly if anything this song should be playing with Cam walking away.

I just find it super lazy to rely on portraying the munchies to show how high they're supposed to be.

Is Jere supposed to be Puck or something?

Lol when your mom puts you in the friendzone with your crush.

"Well I'm sure you got a perfect score" *laughs* oh we're doing racism in this episode. And it was actually done well. Just not when it's antiblackness which isn't surprising

"How come no one ever wants to play with me?" she booped you on the nose bro.

ok finally. something that is ACTUALLY hot and cold. "i'm not waiting for you anymore" does he know she'd been waiting for him?

Also not waiting for him shouldn't then mean making out with Jere.

"What happened to the boy I loved since I was ten" well Belly either he always knew you liked him and ignored it because he didn't see you the same way even when he was idk nicer I guess or he was clueless that you liked him but either way you never had his affection before this.

Also I like how in season 2 Jere was all I USED TO LOOK UP TO YOU EVERYONE ALWAYS THOUGHT YOU WERE BETTER THAN ME IN EVERYTHING and there is literally nothing to suggest any of those dynamics this season.

I can't fuck things up with Belly and treat her like shit but you know who I can do that to? Nicole.

Well if I can't get attention from one brother then I can from the other. "Susannah said when I was born she knew I was destined for one of her boys. I always thought it'd be Conrad" but Jere's the one in front of me so. You didn't think about him at ALL Belly.

It's funny actually watching the pool kiss because it's actually quite short and tame.

[transmalewife]

notes on barbie

Margot Robbie is a PHENOMENAL physical actor. total control of her body at all times. this was obvious as harley quinn too but seeing the difference here just shows her range. im not talking about the obvious stuff like falling rigidly to the side like a barbie but the way she holds her arms, that scene where she stumbles off kicking off her heels...

set and costume design was incredible

LESS THAN TWO HOURS HELL YEAH BABY MAKE MOVIES A WATCHABLE LENGTH

soundtrack sucked so fucking bad it was distracting, and the musical numbers dragged so much i nearly fell asleep during the second ken song then thought oh thank fuck its over THEN IT RESTARTED AND WENT ON FOR ANOTHER COUPLE MINUTES.

ryan gosling is too old for the role. I'm sorry, i know the casting makes sense with him being this ideal of the straight female gaze but come on. this man looks like he knows about taxes. do you think ken knows what taxes are? (aaaalso wouldn't it be subversive wouldn't it make sense for THIS to be the movie where the leading man is younger without making a thing out of it?)

allan is an incredible snapshot of the transmasc experience. Excluded from either gender, a head shorter than everyone around you... i could (and probably will, later) go into this more but it's not like the movie really does so. i liked him and weird barbie as those gender outcasts, but i think it works better with allan because he's just like that and doesn't seem to mind it or want to change. weird barbie is just like... the only way you possibly fall out of feminity is due to external forces. the only idea of a failure of femininity in the movie is a hot blonde woman whose a bit dirty

not gonna go after the political message too much because like... there's only so much you can expect from a mainstream movie and all things considered its still good like compared to anything else. HOWEVER. it does really stand out to me that this is a movie that can't even imagine the problems, or existence, of a non-atractive person (woman especially). and i do mean that both literally (the 'normal' woman is represented by a smoking hot meticulously feminine mom. like sure she's not the absolute ideal of mainstream white society's beauty standards but still. you know.) the solution, the normal barbie is just "a mom whos also hot and feminine just a bit less" felt a bit anti climactic.

splitting the point for readability: I absolutely don't mean 'ugliness is the biggest discrimination a human can face'. for one, other forms of discrimination affect what is allowed to be beautiful, which parts of a person are acceptable if you're fat, or trans, or a poc, and which need to be filed off to fit into a mainstream beauty standard. but beauty specifically is also the central issue with barbie. and don't think making an ugly doll is possible, a good idea or a solution but i think if you're making a movie about barbie it would be great to engage with beauty beyond 'look everyone can be beautiful! there's black barbies and one (1) trans and fat barbie each. you too can be loved and normal and powerful (as long as you're super fucking feminine and pretty)".