#like here’s the thing. dan mentioned the rollercoaster thing once then a few minutes and i was like haha that’s so silly

[blossoms-phan]

my heart is full of so much love for these silly little guys like. oh god they are just so meant for each other in every way and so whimsical and larger than life like nobody’s life is perfect and they’ve been through some really tough times and wacky situations but it just feels like they’ve settled into such a wonderful time in their lives and im just so glad we get to share little parts of that with them

[philsdrill]

Chapter 36: Trying New Things

Fic Summary: “Everyone had a link with their soulmates, some could hear some of their partners thoughts, some had a tattoo that would appear with their partners name; for me, I knew when they got sick.” For a while Phil has thought that his soulmate might have an eating disorder and doesn’t expect to meet him in the restaurant where he works.

Genre: a lot of fluff, recovery, really fucking domestic, waiter!Phil

Warnings: eating disorders, anorexia, bulimia, hospitals, panic attacks, references to past abuse, mentions of suicide, mentions of self-harm, a lot of awkwardness, small amounts of smut. This is potentially triggering so for your own sake, please think twice about reading if anything this might affect you.

Disclaimer: I don’t have personal experience with eating disorders, but have done some research. If I have anything about them wrong, feel free to send me an ask and I’ll sort it out.

Word Count (for this part): 5.8k

[Uploads will be hopefully every couple of weeks! (follow @philsdrill-updates to hear when I post)]

A/N: Uni work got me busy so I guess its been a while. Friday is my last day of class before summer, so apart from an Easter assignment and a summer assignment, I’m pretty much free until September!? So we have hope for the next chapter not taking so long. Hope you enjoy!

MASTERPOST

<= Previous Chapter

Dan’s POV:

Our first Dance had been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster, but a happy one. We were both crying a little, but it felt right; it felt special. For the next dance, everyone else was invited to join in. Phil and I spent it just holding each other, the two of us swaying slightly from side to side as he tried to dry my eyes with his handkerchief. He’d felt it an unnecessary accessory, but of course, it was me that needed it in the end. Phil’s tears, he tried to hide, brushing them off with the back of his hand, but I knew they were there.

We danced again to the third song, this time the emotions being less intense as we just relaxed and enjoyed ourselves. After a few dances, everyone started to branch off, seeking new dance partners and allowing for the tradition of the wedding couple dancing with their parents. My mum asked me to dance, then Phil’s mum followed suit in asking him. We revolved around dancing with our own parents and each other’s for a bit, then dancing with our friends, of course having lots of dances to ourselves too.

We took a break for a bit, neither of us quite having the stamina for that many dances in a row. We took a seat at the side for one dance, allowing us to recover a little. We got back on the dancefloor for the next one, however, knowing we should make the most of our own wedding.

Later on, Phil and I spotted Adam and Ethan sitting in a corner and decided to ask the two of them up to dance. Phil asked Adam and I asked Ethan, us taking the two of them to the middle of the dancefloor. We started dancing in the same area, but the other couples moving around us forced us apart. Ethan and I ended up dancing in a different area from Phil and Adam, but that was okay; we could regroup afterwards.

Ethan struck me as being quite a good dancer, but I could tell he was tired. When I brought this up, he admitted he’d just done about four dances in a row with Adam and they were about to take a break when Phil and I approached them.

“Sorry about that,” I apologised, knowing that he needed that break, “I’ll let you have a break after this.”

I took the lead in the dance, spinning Ethan around when an appropriate moment came. It meant nothing compared to what it did with Phil, but we were enjoying this dance as friends, as family. His hand seemed a bit clammy to me, but I didn’t judge him for it, knowing I would be that way if I’d been dancing with my suit jacket on.

“Dan,” Ethan said, sounding a bit out of breath and gripping my shoulder, “I need a seat… don’t feel so good.”

Instantly, I moved my hands to get a better hold on him and led him over to the nearest seat, waiting until he’d sat down until I tried to work out what was happening. I crouched down next to him, taking in his appearance, particularly his pale skin and sweaty forehead. I was pretty warm myself from dancing and I’d abandoned my jacket a while ago.

“Ethan, can we get this suit jacket off of you?” I asked him, “Think you’re overheating?”

Ethan nodded weakly, allowing me to help him get it off. His movements were slow and he looked a bit like he was about to pass out. I was just taking in the bandage on his arm when he started to fall forwards.

“Woah,” I said, holding onto him and stopping him from going any further, “You alright there?”

“M really light headed,” he mumbled, “Everything’s spinning a bit and…”

“Okay, I think we need to get you on the floor,” I told him, “I’m guessing Adam’ll have felt this?”

“Yup,” my brother’s voice sounded from behind me, a worried looking Phil in tow. “What’s happened?”

“He’s like almost fainted on me twice,” I explained, “Adam, help me get him onto the floor. Phil, could you get some water from somewhere?”

Between Adam and I, we helped Ethan off of the chair and down onto the floor. He wasn’t going to stay in the chair by himself, so the floor was a safer place until he was feeling a bit better. We got him sitting with his head on his knees, that being a position proven to help with dizziness, the support for his head probably being a good thing.

Adam had assumed a position right next to him, with a hand on his back. He was keeping the body contact to a minimum until Ethan cooled down a little but.

“I think he’s got a bit too hot,” I said to Adam, even though that was probably obvious, “But what happened to his arm?”

“Yeah,” Adam nodded, “I wasn’t happy about him wearing the jacket, but he had an accident with the steak knife and now he’s self conscious because that and the scars together…”

“Phil told me, but I presumed it was a little cut finger or something,” I told Adam my assumptions, “How bad is it?”

“It’s not the worst he’s ever had, but it wasn’t pretty,” Adam explained, rubbing Ethan’s back a little.

At this point, Phil arrived with a glass of water and a little crowd had gathered, asking Phil what was happening, whether Ethan was okay. Phil ignored them for a moment and crouched down, handing the water to Adam.

“Ethan, I’ve got some cold water here; I’m going to put it up against your forehead,” Adam said to Ethan, warning him before the sudden influx of cold.

Meanwhile, I was explaining to Phil that he’d just overheated a little, that the guests shouldn’t need to worry. Phil took care of the onlookers and set about getting some windows opened, while I remained with Adam and Ethan. Adam had got Ethan sitting up a little to drink the water now, which would hopefully do him some good.

Five minutes later, Phil arrived with one of the venue staff in tow, who had a pole for opening the windows. He let them do the work and came to join me and the boys. We gave them a little space to get sorted out, but stayed nearby so we could help. I picked Ethan’s jacket up and hung it over the back of a chair so it didn’t get ruined and thought about what would be the best plan for him once he’d cooled off.

It might be a good idea to take him outside for some fresh air, I decided. The day was starting to cool down now and where inside was like a greenhouse from the earlier sun, the outside would be cooling quickly. I voiced this idea to Adam, well to both of them, but Adam was the one making the decisions at the moment.

“I think that would be a good idea,” Adam agreed, “But any chance you could help us out there?”

“Of course,” I nodded, “What would you like me to do?”

“Just stay close as I help him up, then I’ll support him from one side and you take the other?” he told me, although not sounding entirely sure himself.

I stayed close as Adam helped Ethan to his feet, watching as he was pulled into a hug the moment he was up.

“You’re going to be okay,” I saw Adam mumble to him, “The dizziness will pass.”

Adam held him for a few moments, both arms securely around his back. Ethan wasn’t saying much, but I knew they would be communicating things mentally. I watched as Adam pulled away slightly to take a look at Ethan’s bandaged arm. Blood was showing through, which didn’t look good, but it was probably the least of their worries at the moment.

“He’s thinking this blood loss might not have helped,” Adam told me, voicing Ethan’s thoughts aloud.

“Mmm, yeah,” I agreed, seeing Ethan swaying slightly and reaching out to steady him, “You good to get going outside?”

“I think so?” Adam said, nodding at Ethan for confirmation.

“Okay,” Ethan agreed, a little uncertainly, but he probably realised it was for the best.

Adam and I took a side each and the three of us walked slowly towards the doors, Phil following with their suit jackets, for when they inevitably got cold. We moved down the hallway to the front door, then stepped out into the cooling summer afternoon. Adam and I guided Ethan over to a bench, where the two of them sat down. Ethan rested his head on Adam’s shoulder, but now he just looked tired rather than being on the verge of passing out.

“D’you think you two are going to be okay here for a bit?” Phil asked, as he laid the two jackets down next to Adam.

“Yeah, we will be,” Adam nodded, “You two go back inside and enjoy the rest of your wedding reception. Thank you for the help, but I think we’ll manage from here.”

“Okay, well Phil and I have our phones on us if you need anything,” I assured him, wanting to make sure they could get help if it was needed.

“Okay, thank you,” Adam nodded, patting his suit jacket to check for his own phone.

--

Phil and I headed back inside, hand in hand, ready to go and enjoy ourselves some more with the peace of mind that Adam and Ethan would be okay. We both paused for a drink to keep hydrated, then did a few more dances here and there, but taking things more slowly now.

My mum came up to us, maybe half an hour after we’d left Adam and Ethan, to tell us that they’d decided to head back to their hotel early. I completely supported that decision, knowing it was probably for the best. They’d been there today to celebrate with us and that was important to us, but now all that mattered was that they were both safe and well.

The dancing faded into the night and everyone was invited to gradually come up to a buffet table to get food. There was an assortment of generic party food: sausage rolls, little sandwiches, carrot sticks, olives, sausages, pastries and little canapés like those from earlier. Then there were sweet things, little bites of caramel shortcake and shortbread, but most importantly, wedding cake!

I started with a couple of savoury items, little sandwiches and carrots, knowing that this was pretty much my dinner. Phil stacked his plate high with all sorts of things, but I preferred to take it slow and go back up for more if I needed to. Eventually I got to the stage that I felt I was ready for my slice of cake. I’d been working up to today for a while and I felt okay about eating a whole slice. It was my wedding after all; I was allowed to treat myself. Phil and I went up together; he picked out a large slice and I went for a medium one. It was clearly not the smallest piece I could’ve had and I think Phil noted this. He didn’t know what was about to hit him. Phil finished his slice quickly, but I knew I had to take this slow if I wanted to be successful. The cake was incredibly sweet and I probably wouldn’t have managed it without a glass of water and Phil by my side, but I took bite after bite and eventually I was down to picking the last few crumbs off my plate. Phil was watching me as I finished and after I swallowed for the last time, I looked up to meet his gaze, giving him a bright smile.

“I did it,” I said to him, my pride clear in my voice.

“You did!” Phil said, excitedly, “I’m so proud of you.”

Phil took the plate from me and laid it to the side, before engulfing me in a warm hug. He softly rubbed my back, a gesture that was comforting, albeit unrequired. I hugged him back, glad that he had been here for this moment, glad that I’d been able to do that, both for myself and for Phil.

As everyone finished up their teas and coffees, that was when things started to wind down a little. People started to head home, so Phil and I made it our goal to go around and thank those leaving for coming.

It was sound this time that I got a text from Adam:

Best wishes to you and Phil - hope you have a good wedding night ;) and enjoy your honeymoon! (just thought I’d send a little message as we left early)  - Adam and Ethan

Phil's and my immediate family were the last to depart, but with my parents taking the lead.

“I think it's time for us to head off,” my mum told us, also nodding to my dad, “But congratulations to the two of you; this has been a great day and I'm sure you'll want to enjoy some time to yourselves now. I'd better go and check my other two sons are doing okay.”

My dad added his own few words of thanks and congratulations, the two of them giving us both hugs before they left.

As the last of Phil's family drifted away, I glued myself to Phil's side, suddenly feeling a pang of loneliness now that our friends and family had left. All that I wanted now was to go home and spend the rest of the night alone with Phil. We had something special in mind for tonight, but we’d need to wait until we were in private to discuss and see if everything was going to go to plan.

We had a car to take us back to our flat, in which we were both cuddled up in the back. We wanted things to stay classy until we got home, where I'm sure it wouldn't be long before all sense of control went out of the window.

--

It would have been nice to have just fallen into each other's arms, kissing passionately and seeing where things led, but we had an important conversation to have first. Recently Phil had been hinting to me that he wanted to try bottoming. It had first come up in a post-sex discussion about trying new things, where Phil had straight out asked, “Dan, if you don’t mind, at some point I think I’d like to try bottoming?”

Of course, I was fully supportive of Phil’s decision, but there were things we had to discuss before we got to the stage of doing it. I wanted to make Phil wait for a day that felt right; I was sure I could have the confidence to let Phil be a bit more submissive, but as this would be quite different for him, I wanted to make sure he was ready.

I knew that Phil was confident in the stretching process when doing it to me, but he admitted he wasn’t sure about doing his own preparation; how would he know when it felt right? I’d promised I would help him with it when the time came, maybe even introduce him to it a little beforehand.

A couple of weeks ago, I’d introduced Phil to my fingers, not making it sexual, but just getting him used to the feeling. We’d been talking about it more since then, me letting him in a little more on the cleaning and preparation that I did, even getting onto more taboo topics like poop. There were days when I wouldn’t want to do anything anal and Phil would accept that without question, but now I felt it was better that he understood fully, if he was going to be doing this himself.

Previously, our conversations rarely had anything to do with shit, apart from when Phil’s lactose intolerance made it unavoidable. I’d been more open recently though, just outright telling him if things weren’t so good in that department. At first, this seemed to embarrass Phil, but he was taking in his stride now.

Yesterday, Phil had asked me how I felt about us trying it tonight. It was still going to be a lot of new things for him, but he felt that presuming he remained all good in the poop department, he was ready to go for it. I too felt that this would be a good way to make our wedding night special. I agreed with Phil, that yes, presuming he still felt good about it today, I would be happy to go ahead with him.

“Let’s get our suits off and we’re going to sit down and talk before we go ahead with anything,” I told Phil, not wanting to initiate anything before I knew exactly how he was feeling about things.

Phil sat down first, then a couple of moments later I joined him, pulling the duvet up around our shoulders. I put my arm around Phil, enjoying a moment of just holding my husband close before we got into anything.

“C’mere,” I said to him, moving to invite him onto my lap; I felt we needed to be closer before having such an intimate chat.

“How are you feeling?” I started, that being an open question he could answer how he wanted to.

“Good,” Phil said, smiling, “Really happy, really happy to have you as my husband, really happy to be with you right now.”

“Great,” I nodded, “Me too.”

“You did well today,” Phil told me, “After last night I was a bit worried about your anxiety playing up more, but you handled it well.”

“Thanks,” I smiled, knowing it could have been better, but still happy with how I’d done overall, “I wish I didn’t have to sit down during the ceremony, but thanks for dealing with me.”

“That’s my job as your soulmate,” Phil laughed, “And now as your husband.”

“Mmm,” I laughed in agreement.

“And you did well with the cake too,” Phil nodded, his smile growing bigger, “I’m so proud of you.”

Unsure what to say to that, I just smiled in response, letting Phil nuzzle into my shoulder.

“So, husband...” I said after a minute or two, “How are we planning to spend our wedding night?”

“Umm,” Phil started, suddenly looking a bit flustered, “What we discussed…. Ummm… metryingbottoming?”

“Are you still feeling up for it?” I asked him, noting his embarrassment but being confident myself to show him he could be too.

“Yes, I think so,” he said, still sounding nervous, but a little better.

“Have you pooped today? Is everything good down there?” I asked, glad I’d built up to this so that it wouldn’t be so out of the blue.

“Yeah, yeah, I have,” Phil nodded, “All seemed fine to me.”

“Great,” I said, “Okay, well I think we should take a shower together, start off the prep in there.”

“Okay?” Phil said, sounding a little unsure.

“D’you want to go through and get the shower on?” I asked him, “And don’t worry, we’re going to talk through everything.”

While Phil got the shower started, I looked out a few things for afterwards. I made sure the lube was handy; which it already was. I looked out a small dildo, knowing Phil was going to need to take things slowly, so that could be a good inbetween step. I made sure there were condoms on hand too, because although we didn’t usually use them, I could understand if Phil didn’t want me coming inside him.

I joined Phil in the shower, first grabbing a couple of disposable gloves from the cabinet. We had lube in the shower already, but I sometimes used a glove for cleaning myself. I was only going to introduce Phil to cleaning himself with a finger, but I had no idea how it was going to go.

I handed Phil a glove and put one on myself, “Don’t worry, I’m not expecting this to be too gross. It could be a little messy, so just as a precaution have a glove; you might feel a bit like you’re going to poop, so it eases your mind a bit to know you’re not going to poop on your hand.”

“Right, that gives me a lot of confidence,” Phil mumbled, pulling his own glove on.

“You’ve got nothing to worry about,” I told him, rubbing his shoulders softly, “You just need to relax and not worry; if it eases your mind I’ve done much more disgusting things to clean myself.”

“Like what?” Phil asked, as I picked up the bottle of lube.

“Douches and enemas,” I told him, “Where you basically squirt water inside you to wash everything out… but don’t worry, you’re not doing any of that.”

“Okay, thank god, that sounds horrific,” Phil said, sounding very relieved.

“You do get used to it a little,” I told him, “Anyway, you don’t even have to think about that at the moment. All we’re going to do is use our fingers and some lube and make sure you’re mostly clean down here. We won’t be doing anything that hardcore; this is your first time, so I’m going to make sure you’re as comfortable as you can be.”

“Thanks,” Phil nodded, relaxing back against me a little.

I squirted some lube out onto my gloved hand and coated my first finger. With his permission, I brought it up to touch Phil’s hole, starting with gently massaging the area, loosening it off little by little. I slowly worked the finger inside him, until eventually, it was as far in as it could go. In terms of the cleaning, I just moved my finger around inside him, every so often pulling out and wiping it on his bum. He seemed pretty clean already, which was great as I knew Phil would be embarrassed if I found any poop. After talking through what I’d done, I let Phil do a bit himself, knowing if he decided he wanted to bottom more regularly, the prep might be something he’d like to do in private.

“How do I know when I’m done?” Phil asked eventually.

“Well you don’t have any poop on your glove do you?” I said, encouraging him to look, “You’re good; I just wanted you to get the idea of what you were doing. To be honest; you probably didn’t need this cleaning, but it helps you be a bit more confident and unless you know your body really well, it's probably a good idea.”

“Oh okay,” Phil said, sounding pleasantly surprised, “What’s next then?”

“I could, in theory, stretch you in here, but I’d like to do it in bed where you can relax more,” I told him, “So let’s just have a minute more just relaxing in here, then we’ll dry off and go through.”

I took Phil’s glove from him, removed mine and tossed them both in the corner for me to tidy up in the morning. I’d explained to him that gloves weren’t a necessity, that was his choice, but I’d thought it was a good place to start. The next minute or two, I spent gently washing him with shower gel, taking it as an opportunity to help him relax. When we both got out of the shower, I rubbed him dry with a towel, doing the same to myself. When we were ready, I put a hand on Phil’s back to guide him back through to our room.

It was only now that I let myself capture Phil in a kiss, make out with him until our hips were desperately grinding into each other, seeking something, seeking anything. It’s what we’d both been wanting for most of the day, and now we were finally alone. Eventually, I let my more dominant side shine through, and pushed Phil gently down onto the bed.

“You still good to go ahead with this?” I paused to ask him, wanting to make sure he was completely okay with what we were about to do.

“Yup,” Phil nodded, hands pulling at me needily.

I nudged Phil’s legs apart with my knee, grabbing the lube from where I had left it and squeezing a little out onto my fingers. It was a bit cold, but I knew Phil would know this. I massaged his rim slowly, slipping my finger into him. At first, it wasn’t much more than what we’d been doing in the shower, but I wanted to make the stretching feel good for Phil as soon as possible, so I set about finding his prostate, pressing my finger in a little further and angling it towards his stomach.

I knew I’d found it when Phil tightened around my finger and let out a strangled moan, “Nnnghh.”

“Is that good?” I asked him softly, hoping that he liked the sensation.

“Mmm yeah,” Phil nodded, “Wasn’t quite sure at first, but yeah it’s good.”

“Okay, d’you think you’re ready for another?” I asked, slowly sliding my finger out and lubing up a second.

“I think so?” he said, a little unsure as this wasn’t something he’d done before.

With two fingers, I was able to stretch him out a bit further, making sure to communicate with Phil about what he was feeling, and when he was ready for a third. Eventually, when I felt he was as stretched as I could do with just my fingers, I picked up the small dildo I’d looked out.

Again, making sure that Phil was still okay to go ahead, I coated the purple length with lube. We owned a couple, which I sometimes used to work up to Phil’s size, or just personally. This was a little more for Phil to take, so I made sure to insert it slowly, talking to him all the time and making sure that it wasn’t too much.

I worked it in and out of Phil, who was gasping at the stretch and new sensations he was feeling. He was doing really well; I knew it was a lot but he was handling it, he was telling me he was doing fine, and from what I could see and feel, I believed that.

I let Phil enjoy the dildo for a bit longer than he needed to, just to be on the safe side. It was clear he liked it and wanted more; I had to bat his hands away from touching himself a couple of times, but I knew he would want to save himself for what was to come. I slowed down my movements with the dildo and slowly pulled it out of him, watching him clench at the loss.

“We’re going onto me next if you’re good with that?” I said, again checking I had his consent to go ahead.

“Mmm please,” Phil nodded, a bit lost in the pleasure he’d just been experiencing to say much.

I’d been enjoying stretching Phil and slowly fucking him with a dildo, so without even touching myself, I was mostly hard. However, I had a bit to go before I was ready to bury myself in Phil. I asked him to suck me a little to get me fully hard; Phil was good with his mouth, so he had me there in no time. Before I got down to business, I gave Phil’s dick a little attention, giving him a familiar feeling before we got back into the unfamiliar territory.

“D’you want me to use a condom?” I asked him, “Come inside or out when we get there?”

“No condom and inside please,” Phil said weakly, “I want all of you.”

“Sure thing,” I said, laughing slightly at his eagerness.

To help line myself up with Phil, I grabbed the other pillow and got him to lift his hips up to rest on top of it. I wanted to see Phil, so this position was best, but I didn’t want to hurt him. Pushing into Phil felt amazing; this was my first time experiencing such a feeling, but I managed to control myself, thinking back to our first time and how slow Phil took things with me.

“How’re you doing?” I asked Phil, who seemed a little quiet.

“Feels good, the stretch, hurts a little, but it’s good,” Phil told me, giving me a small smile.

I paused for a few moments, letting him adjust, rubbing my fingers over his hips while I waited. Phil let me know when he was good, in a way I recognised as my own. I continued to take things slow, pausing to let Phil adjust, but eventually I was all the way in, balls deep in Phil.

“Nnghh, I feel so full,” Phil grunted a little, clearly taking a little longer to accommodate me fully.

“Take all the time you need,” I said, keeping my lower body as still as I could.

Phil shuffled around a little, making my self control even harder, but eventually, he announced he was ready. I pulled back the way slowly, started with shallow, slow thrusts. I waited for Phil to tell me he needed more until I picked up the pace. With that, I also took that as an invite to find Phil’s prostate, changing the angle slightly and lifting his legs up to give me better access.

When I found Phil’s prostate, I knew about it, he shuddered around me, letting out a guttural moan. I didn’t go full on at his spot at first, not wanting this to be too fast or intense for him. Each time I hit the spot, he lost a bit more control, his toes curling, legs trying to pull me closer. I too was struggling with my self-control, but I was doing my best to keep it under control for Phil.

When Phil uttered he was close, I let myself go a little, letting things be a tiny bit rougher, a little bit deeper. I touched him too, wanting to help him over the edge, knowing that coming untouched would be too much for his first time.

When Phil came, he let out probably the best moan I’d ever heard, the white stuff spilling from his cock onto both himself and me. At this sight, this feeling, I found myself coming too, doing my best to keep up a rhythm to work Phil through his longer, more intense orgasm.

I pulled out slowly, knowing that Phil would feel weirdly empty after this. I moved to lay down next to him for some cuddles, but Phil had quickly broken down into sobs.

“Oh my God Phil, are you okay? Have I hurt you?” I rushed, full of concern.

“It’s good, I’m good,” Phil sobbed, “That was just so intense. I’m fine, but like… please hold me.”

I laid next to Phil, pulling him into my arms. We were both sticky, but I ignored that, trying to give him the closeness he needed. One arm tightly round his back, the other hand cupping his bum, I held him until his sobs died down, murmuring words of comfort and love.

After a minute of quiet, Phil spoke up again, “I’m sticky.”

“I know,” I said softly, “I was going to clean up but it seemed you needed some hugs first? Let me go grab a cloth?”

Begrudgingly, Phil freed me from our embrace and let me head to the bathroom to grab a cloth. I soaked it in warm water, wrung it out, then carried it to the bedroom where I started with wiping down Phil’s stomach and abdomen.

“Is that good?” I asked him, wanting to check with him that I’d got all of it.

“Yup,” he nodded, “Yours is staying inside of me.”

“It will for a bit,” I told him, now wiping Phil’s come off myself, “But it’ll probably slide out of you a bit overnight; so that might feel a little weird.”

“Mmm,” Phil nodded, maybe not entirely getting what I was saying.

I returned the cloth to the bathroom and grabbed a towel, which I used to dry Phil off a little, before tossing it to the side. I hopped up onto the bed next to Phil and pulled the duvet up over us, pulling him into my arms again.

“You good now?” I asked, rubbing my hand up and down his back.

“Yup,” Phil said, nodding his head into me, “I’m tired, but today’s been the best day. I’m so grateful to have you as my husband and I’m so glad we got to do this tonight. I love you, Dan.”

“I love you too, Phil,” I replied, smiling as my heart filled with warmth.

Phil was quiet for a minute, before letting out a yawn, “Think I’m gonna sleep now.”

“Good plan; we’ve had a long day,” I said, “Now, you get to sleep, but if you need anything, I’m right here.”

Phil fell asleep in my arms, his body so drained that he was out in seconds, barely moving in his sleep. I followed not long after, holding him close, hoping that I’d done a good job and that he wouldn’t be too sore in the morning. A little ache would be almost inevitable, but I would treat him to whatever loving care he needed to ease that.

--

It was almost inevitable that Phil would be a little sore the next morning. Like with exercising a new muscle at the gym, you were bound to suffer from using different muscles in bed. I recognised the ache Phil was suffering as one I’d experienced myself and I knew that a warm bath, and maybe some ibuprofen if it persisted, would be all he needed.

Like Phil had done for me many times, I ran us a bath. I let Phil pick out a bathbomb or some bubbles, then joined him. As well as providing physical comfort, taking a bath together was emotional comfort, a place for us to be close and intimate with each other and discuss how we were feeling. Apart from a little pain on Phil’s part and a desire for breakfast on mine, all was good between us. Our day was going to be quite laid back; yes, we had to pack for our little honeymoon, but that was our only responsibility. I had a good feeling about the next few days, that a little trip away together was just what we needed as our final step into married life.

Next Chapter => 

[jahmusicandlive]

SubWoofers: It’s Showtime

The day was here. The day we had been building up to for seven months. The day that had caused endless stress, documents, and spreadsheets. The day that pretty much represented my input and effort of second year (I would say roughly 85% of any of the work I have done this year has been towards this event).

One thing I had already agreed with myself about a week prior to the event was that I was going to stay happy and positive. Generally I find this fairly easy, I tend to have a positive outlook in day to day life, however, I also know that once I allow my stress to work me up into a mess I struggle to get out of that spiral. I like to think that I did a pretty good job of staying happy, which doesn’t really sound like a job at all, but I think as a leader, if you’re smiling your team are more likely to, like a sort of reassurance that things are on track.

As requested I arrived later than the first group. My mum was generously offering her photography services to us and so she picked me up and drove me in for 8:30. Though I had offered, we both knew that her staying at my house wasn’t the best idea as my only downtime (sleep) needed to be comfortable and having another person to focus on wasn’t going to help that. I cannot explain how incredible it was to have my mum at the event, getting to see me in action. I am very close with her and always keep her updated on uni work, so she has been a part of this journey too. I also know from the past 20 years of my life that if I make my way into that stress spiral, there is one person who can ALWAYS get me out of it. Shout out to you mum, you are a living legend.

Anyway, I arrived at 8:30 (though that hadn’t stopped me being up since 5:30 checking documents and communicating with the early team to make sure everything was going according to plan) and went straight out to the field. The site actually looked like a festival site and I was BUZZING. This was also the first day that the whole team would be on site and I would be coordinating approx. 40 people. One of the tasks that I had an active influence on was the build and break roles, and basically deciding who needed to come to the site on which days. This is definitely something I would have changed in hindsight. We knew we would need people that were actually going to turn up and put the work in, but a few more bodies would have definitely made the process quicker and easier.

When security arrived on site I became two radios Jessie (see flattering picture below). At this point, I really had to get my head in the game, as not only did I need to focus on communicating with people in person, I also had two radios to listen to. Oh and not to forget my phone ringing every five minutes with calls from members of the team without radios. The staggered arrival times of team members meant the radio protocol had been mostly swept aside. Thought this didn’t cause any major issues there were definitely hiccups involving people cutting into other conversations or just speaking rather than using a call and response system (“Jessie to X”, “Go ahead”). One item mentioned in the debrief was that everyone should have arrived at the same time, with one briefing for all including health and safety, radio protocol, and any other information necessary.

The rest of the team arrived after 10 and were given the health and safety briefing. Then came the moment that made everything real… Alan (our course leader) turned to the group and said “Jessie is the event manager, Jessie is in charge, any questions go to Jessie and she will either answer them or send you to a person that can answer them”. In that moment I realised how much responsibility I had been given and how much was relying on me, but funnily enough it didn’t send me into a panic, instead, it got me pumped. It also reassured me that people would listen to me, as the day before I felt I struggled a little with enforcing instructions, so for everyone to have been told clearly (by someone of authority) that my instructions needed to be followed was a relief.

Though the arena was not due to open to the public until 1pm, myself, Jess (H&S coordinator) and Michele (THD CEO) were scheduled to carry out a final walk around at 12pm to ensure that all structures were safe and everything was in place ready to open. At around 11:50 I started running around, knowing fully well that there were still bits to do, however, it turned out that most of these tasks were reasonably small and could be achieved in a short time with the help of many hands. One aspect that was an issue, however, was the security. In the build-up to the event I had been responsible for arranging and liaising with security. When I met with the boss of the company I felt assured that they were event specialists and since the event target audience didn’t pose any major threats we chose to use their services. The reality was that, although the boss fully knew what he was talking about and the industry, most of his team didn’t. One or two of the on-site team were great, fully communicative and on top of it… the other were simply bodies. They didn’t have any clue about what was going on and within that there is definitely room for improvement on our part as their briefing clearly needed to be more in-depth, potentially even held a day or two before the event so that it didn’t clash with the madness of the on-site tasks. There was also an inability to follow simple instruction and in the end, it took the CEO going down and shouting at them for them to actually follow instructions. I understand that with it only being a one-day event, by the time you have your head around it, it’s almost over, however they felt very separated like they were their own little group and only their team leader would communicate with me, it didn’t feel like a coherent collaboration.

It was showtime! Generally, most things within the arena were running smoothly, the two areas that were a bit hectic were the box office and arranging the stewards. Though I was event manager I had fairly little to do with the box office as there were box office assistants, who were managed by the box office manager, who was managed by the logistics coordinator, and so there were already people capable of making the decisions and adjustments necessary to improve the situation. When it came to arranging the stewards Remely (staffing coordinator) was on boss mode. Having made the stewarding rota I knew what the plan was, however as we found out, rotas completely change on the day when volunteers drop out and problem areas need more help and attention. There were a handful of times that Remely called me asking for assistance or advice on who to move where, but other than that I felt comfortable in the knowledge that she was on top of it and props to her because it’s an insanely difficult job.

Once most people were through the gates the day was in full swing and everyone seemed to be really enjoying themselves. I’ll set the gif (below) speak for itself. I ended up making multiple radio calls along the lines of “does anything need doing, are there any issues anyone needs help with” because my team were doing their jobs so efficiently.

As the final act performed everyone managed to find 10 minutes or so to experience the show. Some of the team went on the rides, others just sat down in the sun for a bit. I was walking near to the main stage as saw my mum dancing to Ska Souls - This may seem like nothing to some people, but I usually have to drag my mum onto the dance floor and build up her confidence to let go and have a proper boogie, so to see her doing this by herself made me unbelievably happy - and so I had no option but to go and join her for a dance. Little did I know that Dan captured a few seconds of it (and probably doesn’t realise how much this footage means to me).

Once that moment was over I had to round everyone up in the production office to go over breakdown roles. Before I could start, Remely got everyone’s attention and ended up giving me a little thank you speech. My production team got me two bottles of spiced rum (my drink of choice) and a card. I cannot put into words how thankful I am to have been blessed my team members. Though some struggled to find motivation at times, we all came together and smashed it! Thank you to all my production gals (that includes you, Michael) for making my life so much easier, I couldn’t have coped without you guys. And while I’m here thanking people, let’s chuck a thank you over to the other team leaders. Without our weekly meetings and communal stress rants, I don’t think we’d have pulled off this event. You guys were my stability through this rollercoaster and I can’t wait for us to work together in the future, cause I know that whatever we do together, we’ll smash it!

Now I am aware this post is getting fairly long now, so it’s lucky that the breakdown on the day was a fairly swift process. Once everyone’s roles were allocated it was GO! GO! GO! (This was definitely helped by the fact that once we were finished we knew we could rush home and go out to the final night of Festiball). During this time I was pretty much just overseeing everything. The main issues involved the vehicle egress. Because so much planning had gone into the placement of stewards during the event, the post-event placement had been given less attention. In reality, more stewards were needed throughout the exit route, as well as more signage (In a larger font size). Within this egress route, more attention should have also been given to traders, as it was a one-way system it became difficult for them to get back onto the field from the parking area. All problems were solved but we were all so focused on the show itself and the breakdown that the egress definitely should have been looked at in more detail.

Though there were many other highlights and hiccups, this post is already longer than anyone wants it to be, so I will finish up here. One last thing I must write is to Alan. Alan dropped the bombshell on us a few days before the event that he would be leaving the university at the end of this term. Now, if you had told me this a year ago, I would have been concerned for the future of my course, but I wouldn’t have been particularly personally affected. Over the past year (the past 5 months in particular) I have grown to have the biggest respect for you and I am truly gutted that you are leaving. You have done so much for this course and this event and I know that in the future I will look back knowing that you will have had a major impact on my work ethic and my career, so again, thank you so much.

[estboss4life]

The Sasha vs Bayley story has been through everything in the past three years. I found this article (https://dansgrapsandgames.wordpress.com/) about their relationship. I wanna get y'all ( @theradiantn, @averyconfusedpanda) thoughts on it. Credit to Dans Graps And Games.

“Act I

We all (hopefully) know their origin stories. Both consistently broadcast the fact that they were fans from a young age, this is all they ever wanted etc. Then, both “came up” through NXT together and slowly formed the Four Horsewomen with Charlotte Flair and Becky Lynch. They each had a series of stunning matches, and let’s say the starting point of this fearsome foursome was that Fatal 4-Way match at NXT Takeover Rival. Sasha won, and picked off Charlotte and Becky in separate rivalries at the top of the card. This was Sasha’s story.

Sasha, refusing to take Bayley seriously like many, turned a blind eye to what was coming up to meet her at the top of the mountain while she herself was fighting to maintain her place. Fast forward to Takeover Brooklyn and Respect, and both women became recognized for the absolute clinics they contested, not to mention the first female “co-main event” and main event for a WWE Special at Brooklyn and Respect. Takeover Respect became a fitting title in the first ever Women’s Ironman match as the rivalry finally gained an undertone of esteem and regard between the two women. They had to respect each other, they were changing the game just like they dreamed. Bayley won the feud, and Sasha moved on.

Act II

So Sasha moved on to the main roster and Bayley went on to be the leader of the NXT women’s division. Fast forward to Battleground 2016, where Bayley and Sasha are reunited as friends. Sasha was mid-title hunt, but she had no need to worry. Bayley wasn’t a threat here. She brought Bayley to help her equalize the numbers game because she knew how good she was. Sasha knew she was in control. She used her.

This stems from the fact that Sasha knew she could beat Charlotte one-on-one. She’d done it before, and she did it again the night following Battleground for the Women’s title. The two engage in an epic rivalry for most of 2016 and Bayley is inserted somewhere in the middle, but she doesn’t last in the title picture. Sasha ultimately fails to overcome Charlotte, and “doesn’t feel like the Bo$$ anymore”. The title, the bling she so desperately requires as part of her Boss character, is out of her grasp as long as Charlotte has it around her waist.

This is when the cogs start to turn for Banks. Bayley becomes the number one contender for a match at the 2017 Royal Rumble by knocking off Nia Jax with help from Sasha in the form of a distraction. Get the title on Bayley, then she can challenge for the title again. Easy. Sasha didn’t care about Bayley – she was just a convenient means to an end.

Bayley fails to knock off Charlotte at the Royal Rumble, but beats her on RAW and becomes the champion soon after. This, unbeknownst to Bayley at the time, was due to help from Sasha interfering on her behalf. Again at Fastlane, Sasha got involved to take down Dana Brooke, providing a distraction that Bayley capitalized on. Bayley retained with help from Sasha. Bayley had the title, now Sasha needed to keep it on her. She knew she could exploit her friendship with Bayley to get that title back – after all, the Boss is who she is, and the Huggable One is who Bayley is.

On paper, this is perfect. Sasha showed flashes of this persona throughout Bayley’s reign – once grabbing the title after a tag match and again on this cheeky instagram post.

Finally, Banks gets her shot at her friend at Wrestlemania, However, it’s not one on one. Thus, we don’t see a complete turn from Banks – she might need her help in this match. Bayley retains and Sasha was involved in the match. See the pattern? Sasha was consistently close to the title while Bayley held it – both physically and mentally.

Sasha interrupts Bayley the night of the Superstar Shakeup and her tone changes as she tells Bayley the time for celebration is over. This is it. Wait, enter Alexa Bliss, who puts the entire ordeal on pause as Bayley loses the title to the newcomer. Ironically, both title matches Bayley lost (at Royal Rumble & Payback) didn’t involve Sasha in any shape or form. Both women then attempt to climb back up the card, with Sasha actually gaining the title back for another 8 day spurt. Throughout the next few months, Bayley and Sasha share awkward moments that often end in Sasha telling Bayley off in some form.

Act III

So here we are at Act III of this emotional rollercoaster. Sasha has been getting frustrated and so has Bayley. Neither of them could beat Asuka and end the streak. They’re starting to get irritated by each others’ presence, let alone those in the way of their goals. What started out as friendly competition and back-and-forths on social media has escalated into something far more personal.

Sasha unceremoniously dumped her “best friend” from the Rumble. She was in there long enough at that stage, she didn’t need Bayley around anymore to win the match, showing flashes of her cocky Boss persona once again. She also got unnecessarily agressive towards Bayley in their match on February 12th 2018, and literally Mufasa’d her at Elimination Chamber. And Bayley was right – Sasha does these things because she knows, or she knew Bayley would still be around afterwards.

The cracks finally started to burst and as we saw on RAW this week, and the tipping point has been reached. They got physical with each other outside of the combat setting, so we have to wait and see where it goes from here. Bayley dropped that bombshell of a line about Sasha never retaining her title, but I hope WWE realizes it’s own continuity it has going here and brings up the fact that Bayley has never retained (or won) when Sasha wasn’t around.

This feud has been brewing on the main roster for over a year, and goes even further back to NXT. Sasha knew she couldn’t beat Bayley as an enemy as shown in NXT, so she decided to exploit Bayley’s good will and use it to her advantage.”

The fact this person pointed out Bayley championship success on the main roster was due to Sasha. The minute Sasha wasn’t there when Bayley was on the line tells you Bayley became champion because of Sasha. Sasha used Bayley. Sasha wanted to get the title on Bayley because in her mind…Bayley is a easy beat especially when she manipulates her. But as Bayley said “ you treat me this way because you can’t beat me.” Ever since the main roster, Bayley has four wins over Sasha. Sasha only has one win over Bayley. Both Sasha and Bayley have nothing to lose. They lost titles in embarrassing fashion. They cost each other the chance at Mania for title match. They both couldn’t defeat Asuka. Sasha and Bayley have the best feud in WWE right now. The way I would culminate this feud is with a I Quit match. A personal blood feud should climax in that match.

[jewelphan]

Caught Up in a Dream - Ch. 7

Summary:  Dan is Phil’s best friend, and he has been for the better half of the year. The only problem is that Dan doesn’t exist, not really. Dan is just a person who appears in Phil’s dreams; someone who’s made up. At least, that’s what Phil believes.

Word Count: 1.6k

Warnings: mentions of death 

Previous Chapter

It had been days since Dan disappeared and Phil was going insane. The last time Phil had been this stressed was when Dan showed up in the first place. But that had been a year ago and within that time he managed to get a best friend out of Dan--one that was now gone. And it wasn’t just the Dan in his dreams, it was the real one too; they were both gone. When he first found out that Dan was truly missing, he went through a rollercoaster of emotions. First worry, then anger, some sadness, a bit of guilt, and even a hint of excitement before he finally settled on anxiety and stress.

At first, he thought it was just one big nightmare, but then he remembered he couldn’t really get nightmares. Then he figured he shouldn’t worry about it too much and that Dan would show back up in a few days, but it had been a few days. A few too many. Dan had never once disappeared from his dreams until, well until now. Granted, Dan had never shown up outside of his dreams either, so past rules and experiences didn’t really apply anymore.

Phil was still very suspicious of both Dan’s and the likelihood of them being the same person. And honestly, now that they have disappeared, he was even more suspicious. He had almost no doubt that they were both Dan, though he still didn't have any solid proof. Phil wasn't sure if he wanted them to be the same person or not, on one hand it would make things easier and clearer, but on the other it would make things more complicated. It was a very conflicted situation. And what if they were the same person? What would that mean? Would that mean Dan really exists or that he never existed at all? It was confusing and complex, Phil didn't really want to think about it anymore.

What he did want to think about, however, was where the fuck Dan had gone. Phil had waited about long enough and it wouldn't be much longer until he went insane. But now he just needed a plan to start looking for him, so why not start in the place that seemed most logical to look: at school.

-

The night had gone slowly and Phil got very little sleep, not that anything (or rather anyone) was in his dreams. But when the morning did finally come, he practically rejoiced and he was out the door by six--even though he didn't normally leave until nearly an hour later. But despite the extremely early start, he felt like it was much later than any other morning.

When Phil arrived at school he immediately headed to the principal’s office. He needed to see if the principal knew where Dan had been - whether he be sick or on vacation or just disappeared - Phil figured that through the school’s system would be the best way to find Dan.

Phil walked up to the too fancy stained glass door that lead into the office and gave it a firm knock. When no one answered, he knocked again. Still nothing. So Phil tried the doorknob and was surprised to see that it was unlocked. He peeked inside the room and took quick note of its emptiness.

Phil bit his lip and wondered if he should just go in and find Dan’s file himself. After a few moments and not-so-careful consideration, he figured that he'd waited long enough and didn't have time for the principal to show up. Besides, it wasn't like he was snooping around for test answers or something, he was just on a simple mission to find out where his friend had been, nothing more.

Phil took a deep breath and wandered into the room. He looked around for a moment and figured his best bet would be the laptop sitting atop the sleek wooden desk. He walked over to the desk (he felt like he was walking on eggshells, despite him believing that he wasn't doing anything wrong) and opened the laptop. The screen turned on and Phil clicked a few times to get to the desktop and was surprised that it wasn't password protected. An unlocked door, no password, the principal was practically inviting people to break into her office.

Phil's eyes wandered over the several folders on the desktop before they reached one labeled “Students”. He clicked on it and a very large list of folders with student’s names on each appeared. Thank god for the invention of search engines.

Phil quickly searched “Daniel Howell” and was confused when nothing appeared. He switched “Daniel” with “Dan”, but still nothing happened. He supposed Dan was still a fairly new student, but he thought they would've had him in the school’s system by now.

“What on earth are you doing?”

Phil nearly jumped a mile in the air when he heard the voice of his principal.

“I can explain, Ma’am, I promise,” Phil said immediately without thinking.

“Then please do,” she said bewildered.

Phil had absolutely no explanation. “Well,” he started, but didn't have anything to finish it with.

The principal waited for about a full minute before speaking up. “Philip, dear, you're one of my better students and you are the last person I would ever think to find snooping around here. And with that being said, I'm sure you have an excellent reason to be in my office at such ridiculous hours in the morning without my permission. If you would like to explain those reasons, I'd be happy to hear them-possibly even to help. And if I find it a suitable enough reason I will refrain from calling your mother and giving you a possible suspension. So, may I ask, what are you doing in my office?”

Phil didn't think he had ever heard her talk so much without breaking, but she was a fairly nice lady so he supposed telling her the truth wouldn't hurt him. “Well, I was looking for information on a student - a friend - he's been absent for the last few days and I wanted to know why. I know I should've waited for you to show up but it was eating away at me. I apologize,” Phil said, sweetening his voice to make him seem as innocent as possible.

She sighed. “And what is this friend’s name?”

“Dan,” Phil answered quickly. “Dan Howell.”

The principal let out a tired huff. “Phil, there's never been a Dan Howell at this school.”

What?

-

The moment Phil got home he practically ran to his laptop. School had been a flop - sort of, maybe, he wasn't sure - and it's not like Dan would magically appear back in his dreams (or at school), so his last option was the internet. It was a long-shot, but he didn't have anything else to go on.

He flipped open his laptop and quickly typed in the password before opening his browser. He typed “Daniel Howell” into the search bar. He debated on the search for a moment before adding “London” after it, he figured there was a lot of Dan Howell’s in the world, but how many were there in London? Once everything was typed out, Phil paused. His finger hovered over the enter button while the cursor blinked obnoxiously at him. What if he did find something? What if Dan was more than just some made-up guy? What then? Phil sighed and closed his eyes tight before pressing enter. He was about to find out.

At first, nothing but some Facebook and Twitter profiles showed up, it wasn't particularly interesting, nor what he was looking for. But then he kept scrolling, and scrolling, and scrolling before he found this article about a boy. Phil didn't think much about it at first, but then he clicked on the link. A picture showed up, it was fuzzy and grayscale, but what was in the image was clear enough: it was Dan.

Phil's heart skipped a beat as he scrolled down to the article. He read over it quickly and he almost couldn't breathe. “Dan Howell, 20, drowned in a lake on Saturday.” So Phil’s best friend was some dead guy. That was fine. 

Everything was fine.

But it wasn't, Phil could barely keep it together. And then he read what the year was, and his breath hitched, it had happened nearly 25 years ago.

Phil couldn't breathe, couldn't think, couldn't comprehend what the hell was going on. The only thing that was going through his mind was: ask the culprit.

He didn't care that Dan had been on strike, he was going to find him. He didn't care what lengths he had to go through to do it.

With a newfound purpose for finding Dan, he decided that the best place to look was where he first met him. In his mind, or rather, in his dreams. So Phil slept, and surprisingly, it wasn't as hard as he thought it would be.

-

The clouds floated around him and the stars twinkled brighter than he remembered. The atmosphere was somehow different, but Phil didn't care at the moment, all he cared about was getting Dan's attention. He was starting to think that Dan left because he wanted to, not because he was forced.

So Phil yelled and screamed and tried his best to get Dan’s attention. And oddly enough, it worked.

“So you figured it out, huh?” Phil whirled around and found Dan standing behind him. His eyes were somehow sad and dimmer than normal, so was his voice.

“Yeah, I did,” Phil said bitterly, but his tone (much like Dan's), was somehow sad.

a/n: I’m so sorry for taking nearly two months to update this (especially after a cliffhanger) but now I’m leaving you with another cliffhanger cause I can :) 

(also I’m tagging @i--am-a-mushroom bc I promised them I would when the next chapter came out)