#like heck people will hear from my accent (which is 15 different british accents with a dash of verstappen and some danish influence)

[russell-crowe]

i used to really love the uk. for a while, i traveled there frequently for concerts and other events because it was so easy and affordable—only about 20 quid to get there from amsterdam. (cheaper if you were willing to suffer on a flixbus) at first, it was exciting, but over time the novelty wore off. i found myself going to london once every 1–2 months, navigating without google maps because i already knew the way to all my favorite venues and hotspots. i’d spend a lot of time just hanging out with friends in their local bars and stage dooring and wandering around st james park because i love the little squirrelly buggers there

then there was the time i went to manchester and saw someone steal a scooter in the middle of the street while everyone acted like it was nothing. or those endless trips from southend to amsterdam that familiarized me with the concept of "easyjet tourism" and the increased awareness of miserable british people using amsterdam as an escape from their shit. my fondness for the uk started to fade. when covid happened, my cultural interests shifted even more toward scandinavia and thus my travel budget also went more to that.

but now, i’m looking back at my trips to the uk with a sense of nostalgia i guess. it’s like dipping into a warm pool and pretending it’s heated by something pleasant instead of… well, piss. surprisingly, i’m really excited to visit again. i’m going on a trip in february that feels like a throwback to pre-covid times: meeting a friend, seeing a favorite performer (rhod), buying way too many dvds, and taking photos of those gloriously miserable beige buildings.

the country is objectively a bit of a mess (understatement), but there’s a strange charm to it that i can’t quite shake. i think back to how i went to a bilingual high school where we spent six years immersed in a quasi-posh british education within an ordinary dutch public school setting. and part of me is annoyed that i am doing the country equivalent of getting back with my ex, but also... sigh. i am excited. :)

[1a-little-obsessed1-blog]

School with the MAGCON boys pt 1

hey im Zahra. im 15 born and brought up in London, England. my father travels alot for work which means i have to go with him, my mother isnt here with me anymore she died while giving birth to me but ive learnt to stop thinking bout her as much...im proud of my father, although i may have been an accident he doesn't treat me like one, he treats me amazingly he’s been there for me through thick and thin, hes taught me so much and when we’re traveling from country to country ive been enrolled in so many classes, including self defense classes to help myself become a stronger female as a whole. I have the grades of a high level collage students so im basically never behind on my studies. my father had me at age 17 with my mum who was 16 at the time, they had the most beautiful love story yet so real, my father a man of his word, a gentleman he charmed my mother and they had me. after i was born my father didnt know what to do so i lived with my grandparents most of my life seeing my father come home from school tired but he always smiled when he saw me.

more on school. I was moving to a highschool in Chicago,i was looking forward to it but i felt that i would be very left out, i was the dork. my hair was black, long, thick and wavy with a few red highlights, my eyes were dark and my lashes were long. i had a very petite body, tiny waist and small hips. i was a decent height only 5′7ft  one could cal me innocent and i agree its ture heck i haven't even had my first kiss yet!

the school i went to was more of a local school with the usual crownds from what i could tell. There were the Jocks, popular bitchy girls, the nerds, emo’s and the “freaks”. i walk in with my Dad i wore blue jeans, a white top, bomber jacket, white vans, a small hand bag and my huge geeky glasses. i didnt wear much make up just a bit of eyeliner and highlighter. We were given a tour of the school, it wasnt that big but i knew i was still gonna get lost.

i get to my first lesson late. as always. I knock on the door and enter. “oh, and who must you be sweetie?” said the teacher at the front. 

“hello, im Zahra im new here.” i say, my British accent standing out.

“ok hunny! go have a seat and ill be right with you im Miss Dina,”

I Nod and take a seat at the back. that was the only available seat. i adjust my glasses and get a pen, pencil and ruler out of my bag. i look around realizing there were a few familiar faces. That’s when it hit me, i realized there were a few viners here, Matthew Espinosa, Jack J and Shawn Mendes. i look to my left and  felt a tingly sensation in my stomach as i took a closer look at who sat right beside me. Nash Grier. OMFG i felt really shy but then i snapped out of my shock and returned to what the teacher was saying.”Now Class who can Name the three enzymes needed for digestion along with their uses?”

my hand shot right up in the air without me thinking. “Yes Zahra?”

“the first enzyme is Carbohydrase this breaks down starch and sugar, the second is  Protease this breaks down proteins and lastly is lipase this breaks downs Fats and Lipids.”

“Excellent!”

i felt everyone’s eyes piercing at me i could feel my face slowly becoming a tomato. i felt really panicky and queasy, my panic attacks were bad but i didnt need one now of all times, ive barley been in the classroom 20 mins. i started to lower my adrenaline levels and i slowly returned to my normal state. I was given an exercise book to write in but i didnt need it. my grades were amazing and i already knew all of this. but i still wrote as much as i could. it was about 5 mins until the lesson was over so i started packing my things up.i  reaching my bag and looked at my planner, it was a small planner but it was sentimental to me it had pictures of me and my classmates in France, Germany, Beijing and Poland. I missed them but i cant get attached to people too quickly. its not good for me at all. I flip through the pages to see if i had any empty time slots that’s when  i saw a particular name pop up (my dad writes stuff in here to keep me on track) says the Jhonson family are coming for a meeting. i mean it was cool but i was praying that it wasn’t the family of the person who i think it is. I her my pencil drop on the floor and i lean under the table to look for it. “uh.. here.” i look up and Nash was holding the pencil. i take it from him and put it in my bag. “Thanks...”

“So your british?”

“yeah. well i havn’t seen London in 6 years...” I reply.

“ what do you mean?” he asked me.

“I Travel alot, so i go to a few different schools in different countries, but im usually home schooled if my dad is free.”

the bell rings and our class was dismissed. I head out of the classroom and start walking through the hallway, i see a crowd of guys. i push through them minding my own business before i hear a few murmers. “Thats the new chick!” another voice said “Damn she looks finee” i hear another say “She’s probably a hoe” i feel anger build up inside me waiting to be released. but i just keep walking faster and faster. 

----Later----

It’s lunch time and im alone. So much for being socially awkward. I had a lunch packed in my bag, Salad and water along with a small can of pringles. i look for somewhere to sit but everywhere was taken... i felt like shit but then again Having no one to leave is better than having a ton of friends who ill have to say goodbye to. I feel a light tap on my shoulder i turn around and see a girl she looked a little older than me but definitely around 16 or 17. she had curly hair and freckles.”Hey! I haven’t seen you around are you new..?” she says with a bit of cheer in her voice. “Why yes im Zahra, and you are?” i ask her. “My name is Mahogany LOX im 16 you ca Call me LOX, your accent is adorable!!”she squeals. “Thanks...” i say. “come sit with me and Shawn.” 

I followed her to a table where she sat down next to Shawn. she introduced me to him and we all were like bestfriends.. the vibes they were giving out were so warm and positive. I talked to them about life and school and about who i am and what i like to do. i felt like i could talk to them for hours. We ended up swapping numbers at the end of lunch. my last lesson of the day was calculus which meant more stuff i already knew. 

----end of the day----

it seemed like Mahogany and Shawn got along with everyone but i seemed to be the awkward one. i was walking out to the parking lot of the school when im approached by Jack G. “Hello there...” 

“Uh.. hi?” i say

“So you wanna met up some time late and go to my place?” he says with an arrogant tone.

“Sorry im not Netflix and chill sessions and by the way i dont think im gonna let you into my pants that quickly.” I say.

he attempts to put his arms aroung my waist before my fighting instincts kick in and i grab his hand and twist it. he   shrieked in pain and moved aside.

“So i see your playing hard to get...” he says with a little bit of annoyance in his voice.

“No i just dont fall for fuckboys like you.” i walk to my bike and cycle home.

i get home and put my helmet on a little table by the front door. “PaPa are you home?!” i shout across the house.

“im in the kitchen hunny! go put something nice on we have guests coming over!” My dad says.

“Ok dad but promise me you wont bring up anything to do with my grades” i say.

“how can  i not when i have such an amazing daugher?” he asks.

“whatever dad im going upstairs see ya in 5 mins”

i run up to my room and look through my cupboard. i choose a pastel blue dress with a pair of black tights and i put my hair up in a pony tail leaving my fringe out.. i run downstairs and join my dadin the kitchen. i sit on a chair and watch him cook. “so how was your first day?” he asks.

“a bit awkward at first but actually pretty good. and i made two friends.” i say with a little grin on my face.

“Any boys?” he asks with a bit of sarcasm in his tone.

“Dad if there were i would’ve told you, but as i said for the millionth time, guys aren’t into me im ugly.” my cheer went down and he turned around and hugged me.

“my beautiful girl is growing up thinking she’s ugly? im a terrible father!!!”

“No papa your an amazing dad!”

“My baby girl is growing up... i will always love you. you look just like your mother. you know that right?” i see his eyes glisten with tears.

“I know dad... i know. now dont cry otherwise im gonna get emotional!” i say trying to put a little bit of humor into the situation.

“Well i thnk ive passed on the wrong genes. have fun dealing with being an emotional wreck.” i see him smiling and i giggle.

the door bell rings and i run to answer the door and i see a woman with a smile on her face standing there holding the hand of who i presume was her husband, and right there i saw...Jack.

“Mr and Mrs Jhonson?” i plastered a fake smile and shook their hands. my dad came from no where and escorted them to the dining room. I walk tot the dining room and get my phone out before my dad starts speaking. “This is my daughter Zahra shes just been enrolled iin our local Highschool.”

“She’s in my biology class” Says Jack. 

i look up and look back down at my phone and start texting Mahogany.but no reply. i go up to my room and sit downon the windowsill as i watch the clouds slowly shift out of sight. i sit there for about 20 min until i hear knocking on the door.i walk over to the door and open it. “Hey..” jack said leaning on the door frame. 

“What do you want?” i say slightly annoyed.

“just wanna chill...” he says trying to act cool.

“Well i have better things to do and besides do you really wanna end up like your friend or worse?” i say slamming the door.

---- 2 hours later ----

Finally they’re gone and now i can return to my normal life. i get ready for bed and put on my “more revealing” night wear on. i fall asleep at 9:30 setting alarm for 6:30.